At the very beginning of my Freshman year, my mother and grandpa passed away. [sorry for the dramatic cold open!] I was struggling a lot that first semester, and while I was getting through the classes, I wasn't doing great at them. Not as great as I know I could.
By second semester, I ended up transferring into online classes, where I basically gave up, and dropped all of them. After that, I applied to a tiny private College-Prep liberal arts school and that's where I'm at now. It's nice, they lean heavily into having everyone do focused college-like Humanities classes and Arts. The summer before I started attending, my father also passed away. I hadn't been living with him, my parents were divorced and he wasn't in a position to take me in, but that still sucked.
Now obviously, having an entire semester of Fs on my transcript is problematic. Another issue is the fact that the school I currently go to doesn't actually do GPAs. All our grades are basically written as narrative evaluations, and since very few schools do that, it's hard to find resources outside of the web of my own school. If a College were to request a GPA, our school would be able to provide one, but that's basically a matter of the Principal reading through my evaluations, and determining roughly what they would be roughly equivalent to if I was at the nearby public school.
All of my evaluations have been absolutely solid, I'm fairly certain I would have straight As. In addition, while attending I did take a virtual French II class over the summer, Japanese 101 and Biology 101 at nearby Colleges; I have an A in all of them. I'm sure if I requested a GPA for my regular classes, I would have mostly As. I have taken Calculus I [AB], but I'm awaiting my AP score. Calculus AB/BC are the only AP classes my school offers. For what it's worth, I got a 1350 on my PSAT 11.
My goal is to go into Math. I plan to take Calculus II/BC and Engineering next year, and also Linear Algebra in the fall off-campus [which I will likely be eligible for, just need my AP score]. When it comes to colleges, I really don't know what is reasonable for me to even shoot for.
I'm in a weird nebulous position where I was supposed to graduate next year, but failed so I'm behind a year, but also have enough credits to graduate next year anyways as a Junior, if I wanted to. I've thought about it, but I don't know if that's what I should do.
I have had conversations with my principal, and I think they recommend I take the extra year simply to offset the Fs from those online classes from before I transferred. My principal jokes that now is pretty much the only time in my life where it will be beneficial to be an orphan, and I think that's probably kinda true. I had to pick myself up and take initiative for a lot of the things I'm doing, and I have constantly excelled since moving schools. I have been living semi-independently, juggling between houses [I haven't lived with my legal guardians in ~2 years, but they're still present]
When my principal was in High School, he attended Telluride for the summer, and now has the opportunity to 'nominate' students for it, and he plans to do so for me in the Fall. I'm thinking of doing that, it sounds great.
This Spring I applied for PROMYS, and although I think I did well on the application, I unfortunately, got rejected. Of course, I knew that was a reach program so I didn't expect much, but now my summer's free! There's always next time.
I also thought about simply applying to a few absurd reach schools in my Junior year (Hail Mary), since technically I could be eligible, and if I end up getting rejected from them, then I would still be fine. I could just go ahead and do my Senior year, after having gained experience with the College admissions process.
I'm also somewhat aware of QuestBridge, and that could be a good option if I went that route this Fall; if I'm eligible for the match, apply for what looks good, and if I match, then free money! If not, then try again next year with a stronger background. From my understanding, finalists for that tend to be high-achieving students from low-income backgrounds. I'm certain I fall under that umbrella. Only one of my parents graduated High School and went to College, however, given that my mom's culinary degree probably hasn't impacted my life much in about 3 years, I've been told there may be room to argue I'm a "first gen" -- No idea if that's true.
All of this is to say, I don't really know what I should do. I hope I described my situation well enough for you to get a gist of my predicament, if anyone has advice, I would appreciate it. Although I feel like I'm in a very unique situation, I'm sure there's someone else who's been in a similarly-shaped boat on here.
In the meantime, I need some rest. I have to move out soon, I'll be taking French again online this summer, and I'll be starting two independent studies in Game Design and Novel Writing; I would like to get a job with my city's public library soon, because I've been an intern for my school's library this year and that seems like a nice transition. Probably try and take the SAT in August... also need to learn how to drive.... well, I have a busy summer.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm 31 years old, live in NJ. 5'9", 165 lbs (fit/athletic build) 3rd generation Chinese American (my family immigrated here in the 1900s). My family identifies as American as we tend to eat more pasta than rice and my generation has not learned the language. College educated with a Bachelor's in Biomedical Science (switched from an Engineering major...turns out I don't like theoretical math); currently working in the pharmaceutical industry and pretty much love the industry as there isn't any work drama and it's relatively straightforward yet challenging.
I've tried a few long distance relationships and they're quite difficult to manage...they were great when we able to meet in person and I didn't mind putting in the extra work. I'd be willing to try one if the distance is reasonable and the there is a definite spark between us. I am pretty sure I fit the definition of a demisexual, so I'll be strictly trying to form a connection first. I REALLY need the emotional connection before there is a sexual attraction, mentally I can't do hook ups (they're just really hard for me to handle and I have turned people down).
Personality wise I've been told that I tend to bring people together and keep things fun. I have a few different groups of friends and communities I am often with...and they can vary from the youngsters (21 to 30) to the old guys (60+) to the group that's around my age. I would say I'm pretty good at conversing and I try to stay on top of most current events. Mentally I'm an old man and feel more comfortable in that setting, so much that I literally hang out with 60+ years olds at the gym after a workout in the hot tub. I call them the hot tub gang and it's always a set of regulars where we might talk about the same thing every single day until someone newer to the group says that we talked about it yesterday.
I would say fitness is a major player in my life. I started out hating swimming as a kid, but here I am almost 27 years later...I made it through the lessons at the YMCA, joined a club team, swam in high school, swam in college and now I'm a swim coach and instructor as a hobby/side job in my free time. There's something about being a part of coaching people and watching them grow up and succeed that makes me smile.
My free time in the cold months usually consists of planning DIY projects or working on them. I tend to work on all the cars in the family and am the one that fixes them up or finds replacements for them. Or planning my next road trip to somewhere nicer. Whereas in the warm months I love going down to the beach to go for a swim and have a nice relaxing breakfast outdoors. I do have a few kayaks that I'll bring out to go with friends or if I feel it's safe a nice solo paddle to clear my mind. When I think about it, too many of my hobbies involve water. But I do enjoy things on dry land I promise!
I'm really looking for someone I can grow together with, a long term or forever relationship. I want a relationship where both of us put 100% in all the time and if we don't, we can talk to each other about our concerns and work it out. Honestly what I've realized is that maybe I am altruistic...I miss making someone feel happy and loved, miss the good morning texts, the waiting around all day just to see their texts, I miss spoiling someone and the feeling of that feeling of seeing that look that you get when someone truly loves you. I would love to slowly get to know you by having some conversations where the time just flies, then to a point where we talk nonstop, maybe some in person dates and then maybe eventually settle down together and enjoy life together.
Important stuff: Although I enjoy interacting with kids and it's a major part of my life...I don't want any of my own so...sorry if this is a dealbreaker for anyone. I don't drink (except for maybe wine at special occasions....I get really bad Asian Flush so I'll turn bright red if I smell alcohol essentially lol), not into smoking/drugs (Bad asthma and I'm just not into any of that stuff). I don't judge anyone that's into drinking or recreational drugs, it's just not for me personally. Religion wise, I'm Agnostic. Politically I lean relatively to the left.
I'm really searching for that genuine connection; voice calls are definitely a plus and would love to get to know you. It's alright if we end up just as friends that talk here and there.
If it sounds like you could be the one send me a chat or DM and tell me a bit about yourself. My name is Kevin and I'd love to know about you.

I'm so sick of people forcing their "fun" on me. It's a fuckn retreat, who cares if I don't attend the whole thing? I said I was going to go for the whole of the first day, but the teachers said that missing a portion is not acceptable and if I don't do it all then they'd just make me do it next year anyway. "We want you to build community, be in the environment" etc etc. Why why why does anyone care. Why have they set up the system so that fun kooks a certain way, and if you don't comply then there's something wrong with you.
It's way out in bumfuck nowhere and I'll have to sacrifice my weekend by getting up at the ass crack of dawn to drive out there and then not be back home until likely 8 at night, because there's no way I'm going to pitch a tent and camp out there. There's a whole mansion that we could be staying in on the property, but no, "if you're planning on staying over night be sure to bring a tent." And of course we can't use the bathrooms inside; we're only allowed to use the porta potties set up on the outskirts. "No showers available, but feel free to use the hose to wash down!" Fuck.
Fuck these fucking assholes.

So i think this may be a little backwards, but here goes.
Ive built PCs, I work in a networking adjacent field, and I like having stuff thats overkill in all aspects of life. So after not taking my ADD meds for a few days, I'm diving head first into something like an idiot.
Backstory: for the last 10 years or so i have been installing Physical access control, and camera systems for a national retailer (think BIG BIG. with their own data centers, and central monitoring). In that role, i was provided hardware, and had to program at the device level, but never dealt much with the server setups. I got tired of traveling nonstop, so i got a new job as an "engineer" for another company, doing design work. Since we utilize lots of systems that i am not familiar with I am working on taking some of the server setup work from the programming team to familiarize myself with the systems. In the process of doing that, i realized that having my programming lab be a folding table with a server sitting on it and cameras and access boards strewn about wasnt the best bet, so i picked up a free 48u rack off marketplace for cheap, commandeered a UPS and KVM Console, from the office, bought 2 used servers on marketplace, and a few cisco enterprise 48 port POE+ switches. All hardware was pretty cheap which im sure i will regret soon (im sitting around $400 currently). Here's what im working with:
Server 1 - Dell Poweredge r720XD - dual Xeon e5-2670's, 128gb DDR3, 1tb HDD (11 empty drive bays, that i will be filling for storage) Server 2 - Dell Poweredge R710 - Dual Xeon L5520's, 128gb ECC, 3x2TB HDD
Server 1 im planning to be a NAS for documents, photos, and CCTV storage, as well as running the CCTV VMS, plus whatever else it can handle
Server 2 was basically given to me when i bought server 1 so im not 100% sure yet. I was thinking about using it as a way to train on new software solutions when given demo licenses by our vendors, Maybe even set up in its own VLAN/standalone network to work on more secure buildouts
Some other things i would like to try but im unsure if i have the hardware capability:
Make a minecraft server for my daughter and a few friends (3-5 active players at a time) plex server (currently dont own a ton of physical media, but that may be in the future. im tired of switching streaming services month to month) Have games saved to the server so i can play them on any computer in the house without filling up the laptop (not sure how to make this happen. Basically, i like to play Flight sim 2020 every few months, its 200gb, and im tired of uninstalling a bunch of stuff and installing it just to play for 30 mins and get bored)
IDK. I guess what im really asking is what now. Where would you begin? What other things could/should i be doing. I basically needed a structured cable/rack setup but got too excited on FB marketplace, and im looking at a pile of parts wondering if i am an idiot.

I was absolutely convinced (emphasis on 'was') that I was different. I wouldn't fall into the 'credit card' trap and that somehow my use of credit cards allowed me to earn 'cash back' and 'points' and they put me ahead in the game to live the good life, for free! What I thought was frugal and conservative use of credit cards - which I always paid off in full every month - was wise and simply that Dave was wrong.
As a u/DaveRamsey fan of his Youtube videos. . . something he said late in 2023 got me thinking about my use of credit cards in a different way; the 'lack of pain' associated with the use of actual cash and the dopamine hit I got every time I used a credit card for a purchase.
So, since January, I've been running an experiment to see who was right; Dave or me? Here's what I've been doing and even more importantly, what I've learned:

1. I've tracked every single penny I earn for nearly a decade. . . meticulous tracking of income, outgoing, investments, etc... I know where every single penny goes and am a budget maniac. What I was hoping to prove to myself was that I was right and Dave was wrong and I could continue my life of credit card spending after proving how financially adept I was, to myself (insert snarky sarcasm icon, here).
2. I've completed all the Babysteps (not sure if that's truly possible but I'm 100% debt free in every category, am contributing to others, have a completely paid off mortgage and no children (any more) to put through college. I've got a fully funded (9 months - I know, I'm excessive) emergency fund and all of my free cash is in a HYSA earning 5.25% APY. Fully funded 401K, HSA, Roth, etc... I'm fortunate to be in the position I am and I owe a lot of that due to Dave's wise guidance (except for the credit card stuff).
3. I continued to use my credit cards in January, 2024 and tracked everything . . . and I mean EVERYTHING . . . to see what I was using CCs for. At the end of January, I evaluated how much I was spending using CCs to do it (about 65% of my monthly take home) and further, in what categories. To say I was 'stunned' about the amount of frivolous spending I was doing because credit cards are painless, would be a clear understatement.
4. So, in February, I committed to spending no more than 10% of my take home using credit cards (some monthly recurring charges but mostly frivolous spending) and really struggled with not just spending using CCs whenever I wanted to because I paid for all of that stuff with cash or, what really happened, I just didn't buy that stuff (sorry Jeff Bezos)! At the end of February, with 50%-ish more free cash flow available, I invested more aggressively (mostly in the HYSA) and noticed the freedom not using CCs provided me.
5. In March, I moved ALL of my previous CC auto charges onto my bank/cash account and put the CCs on the shelf. I quite literally spent <$150 using CCs (Auto Gas...errrrrrgh) and to my surprise (but I'm sure no one else's) I was able to reduce my frivolous spending to less than 5% of my total take home pay and had - no kidding - even more money to deposit into the HYSA.
   1. At my quarterly financial advisor meeting, he wanted to know where the extra money was coming from and I showed him my budget, talked about my mind set shift and laid out a plan for tracking my new found financial freedom out for the next 5 years. . . HOLY MOLY the results are stunning!
6. In April, I continued my March plan (CCs still alive but sitting on the shelf) and while the results didn't accelerate, I found even more cash flow freedom knowing that if I didn't have the cash, I wasn't going to buy it. Cancelled my Amazon Prime account and a few other 'frivolous spending' things I was doing and saved a bit more. . . nothing significant like February and March, but still; it felt great to continue making progress.
7. Well, now it's May and earlier today, I cut up my credit cards (I admit, I cried a bit :( on the first one) but by the 5th one. . . I was all good. 3 weeks in with the realization that I can't use credit cards, pay everything with real cash or by autopayment from my bank and I think I'm going to like this as my savings and investment portfolio continues to grow and I have a mental tool to reduce frivolous spending.

Not sure why it took me this long to actually learn the lesson, but dang, I'm glad that I have and am now looking for even more things to do to remain debt free (even if for only 21 days at a time) put more money into smart buckets and follow Dave's path. Oh, and the % cash back and free points . . . yeah, they didn't add up to even a month's worth of extra savings that I now have 100% under my control.
The reality is, by following Dave's guidance I'm sleeping better at night (even though I didn't live paycheck-to-paycheck, the mental freedom is pretty great). I'm able to make more of a contribution to my future and that of my community (oh, did you know you can actually buy people's medical debt and clear that for them?), then I did when I thought I was being smart about the use of credit cards.
Lose your credit cards (and run an experiment like the above) and you'll see that they're nothing more than a drug that keeps you in debt. Good luck to everyone on your financial journey!

hello! i plan on taking two summer classes. (two different sessions, but my school groups them together. on my portal, it processes as “summer session 2-3”.) in total, i’m taking 8 credits, one is 5, the other is 3. the five credit class ends around the time the third credit class begins, which explains why my school groups them together.
at my school, if you’re in a certain program you can receive 6 free credits to use for the summer or winter. i’m in this program, and i’m choosing to use all 6, using 5 for my five credit class. i’m planning on using the remaining credit for my third credit class. it still leaves me at 1,280 dollars, which is why i am interested in taking out a federal subsidized loan.
my question is, am i even allowed to do so? my school considers the summer session apart of the 2024-2024 year, so will i even be able to take out that loan for it? i need help, thank you!

Hi all, after 8 years of wanting a Samoyed, I am finally pulling the trigger and adopting one from a reputable breeder. Seeking some guidance here.
CONTEXT
This is my first pet. I grew up around dogs and always loved them. Unfortunately living under the same roof as my grandma meant that I wasn't allowed to have any pets.
I am 30 yo and work from home. My office is upstairs and the master bedroom is on ground level. I bought a 42" crate which I have placed in the bedroom. Currently have a 24x24x8 play pen, and a 200in retractable screen to divide the living room into a play area. I plan on crate training him. He'll be 10-11 weeks old when I pick him up.
DAILY SCHEDULE (TENTATIVE)

• 6AM-630AM - wake up, potty, train, meal #1, play (supervised)
• 630AM-9AM - back into crate for nap time
• 9AM-930AM - wake up, potty, train, play (supervised)
• 930AM-12PM - back into crate for nap time
• 12PM-1230PM - wake up, potty, train, meal #2, play (supervised)
• 1230PM-3PM - back into crate for nap time
• 3PM-330PM - wake up, potty, train, play (supervised)
• 330PM-6PM - back into crate for nap time (I will use that time to go to the gym)
• 6PM-630PM - wake up, potty, train, meal #2, play (supervised)
• 630PM-9PM? - in the play pen in the living room, currently have a 24x24x8 play pen, and a 200in retractable screen to divide the living room into a play area.
• 9PM - potty, back into the crate
• 12AM - potty, back into the crate
• 3AM - potty, back into the crate
• 6AM - repeat....

QUESTIONS
1) As part of the crate training, he's going to be spending a good amount of time in the crate during the day. I want to make sure he doesn't develop separation anxiety whenever he goes into the crate knowing that I'm at home. How do I make sure my dog doesn't develop SA?
2) This brings me to my second point, should I get another crate to place in my office so that he can sit next to me while I work. I'd move him from the downstairs crate if I hear him crying (whining is ok). I could also let him free roam in my office until he calms down. My desk is tidy, all cables are zip tied beneath the desk, and my power cords from my workspace are in a plastic cable spine which is blocked off by a subwoofer on the floor.
3) How do you work on barking? Tips on how to calm a dog down when they're barking uncontrollably assuming that I'm not neglecting their basic needs.
4) Where should I feed my dog & keep his water bowl? I was thinking having a water bowl near his crate but also his play pen in the living room.
5) Any other suggestions / tips are greatly appreciated. :)

I was recently asked by my mother to review the portfolio that their financial advisor has them in. My parents retired in 2021. They had about $1m in their retirement accounts when they left their jobs, but of course their portfolio value was inflated due the post-COVID bull period.
Their portfolio is now around $700k. They draw around $4500/month cash from their retirement. They have not been withholding taxes on their IRA withdrawals. 😞
Before they retired they got connected with an advisor that a friend of theirs “has used for years!”
The advisor had them pull everything out of my fathers employer sponsored retirement plan (including converting an old pension worth ~$1300/month which he had them take the cash payout and put in their IRA) and move it into an IRA that he managed for them and picked all the funds for them.
My parents were both unfamiliar with the phrase “expense ratio” until I explained it to them a few weeks ago. The more I dug I the more shocked I was.
Their advisor is charging them 2% of assets under management for his services.
His services amount to: 1. two one-hour long meetings to review their status per year

1. Free filing of their taxes with either 1040A or 1040-EZ (1040 requires an upcharge)
   
2. They did their will (forgot their living will, though)…looks like mine does from Legal Zoom
   
3. Guidance on ACA (they retired before 65), Medicare signup and supplemental plan selection every year
   

Essentially this advisor has my parents heavily in four funds, which are:

1. Direct analog to the S&P 500
   
2. Direct analog to VTIAX
   
3. Some kind of crypto ETF
   
4. Cash equivalent account of about $80k
   

The first three funds were all charging a 1% expense ratio. I didn’t take notes on the specific funds and don’t have my browser history available to go look back on the specific funds.
What am I missing here? Where is the justification for them spending 3% of their assents per year for these services? Is that the going rate?
For context I’ve got my IRA and post-tax investments with Vanguard and use a fiduciary every year to review and guide me which costs me a flat $2k/year. I’m used to seeing <.1% expense ratios.

Had a relapse and binged nearly every day for a week straight, when I suddenly withdrew a supplement I had been taking. Ive decided to implement the supplement again in smaller doses so that it helps me not to binge, and does not affect my sleep. I’m hoping this new plan works for me. Currently 2 and a half days binge free.

Hey, figured I'd share my tonsillectomy experience because this sub was a great resource for me leading up and after my surgery.
I had surgery on May 2, after quite a bizarre experience with my tonsils. I've had tonsil stones for as long as I can remember, but as everyone here can attest to, ENTs and doctors don't really treat stones. Also, at about the base of my left tonsil, the tissue had hardened a bit, and I suspected that I had a tonsil stone wedged deep that I could feel. After seeing about four ENTs and two oral surgeons, they all gave me the same recommendation: get those suckers yanked out.
I still wasn't convinced so I asked about getting some imaging done (I'm in the US with good private insurance, so relatively easy to schedule, but still decent $$$). I got an MRI and it didn't show anything nefarious, but interestingly enough the tech noted a "lesion" on my right tonsil, the one that felt perfectly fine. Given this new information my ENT suggested a tonsillectomy because it was really the only option I had left and every other doctor suggested the same.
I scheduled my surgery and soon enough the day came. I've had surgeries before (2x ACL, 1x meniscus over a 30 year soccer 'career') so I knew what to expect. I didn't anticipate being in the surgery center with 6 year olds as I was the only adult getting the procedure that day!!
Day 1: They wheeled me back and knocked me out, and when I woke up I remember being surprised that the pain I was in was probably a 9/10. My second ACL surgery was like an 11/10 when I woke up (interestingly enough my first ACL surgery was like 3/10) so I was initially surprised how uncomfortable I was.
They fed me ice pops and gave me ice water and tried talking to me, but before I knew it, I was on my way home. In the US, if you go to a private surgery facility, they generally wheel you out within 10 mins of waking up.
The rest of the day was pretty brutal as swallowing was uncomfortable, but my mouth kept filling with saliva so I essentially had to keep drinking water and swallowing, which wasn't great. Eating was completely out of the question, but I had stocked up on some ready to drink protein drinks that kept me relatively satiated. I kept to a pretty strict medicinal schedule which helped me sleep a bit.
Day 2: Still uncomfortable but the pain was significantly less, maybe a 5-6/10. I took about 5ml every 4-5 hours of liquid oxycodone and caught up on Vanderpump Rules. I kept a large cooler by my bed stocked with ice from Sonic, Alo Water, protein drinks, a million water bottles and ice packs. I had a couple of ice pops, but honestly, I just didn't have any appetite for ice cream or ice pops or the like. Ice cold water and the Alo Water were great.
Day 3-4: Pain was about a 4/10 and getting better. I kept to the same schedule for medicine, trash TV shows, and water + ready to drink protein. My wife made me some pastina pasta with butter and although it took me 45 mins to eat a couple of spoonfuls, it did a lot for my mind. I also ate one scrambled egg, but it took me a while. I also had my bowel movement! This is very important after surgery!! Please take some stool softener!!!
However, on Day 4 right before bed around midnight, I "spit" (aka let drool fall out of my mouth) and noticed blood in my saliva. My doctor just said to call if you see any bright blood in your saliva and I noticed it more and more, but not a lot of volume. Of course I freaked out and called at 1am, but my understanding is that a little blood is ok and should resolve itself with ice water and ice gargling. It's really only if your mouth is filling with blood rapidly that you should head to the hospital.
Day 5: I woke up out of a decent sleep at 4am not in pain, but seriously uncomfortable, like my throat and mouth were incredibly sore. The painkillers really helped and I felt like I had taken a step back in the recovery. I could start to talk a little bit more, but nothing more than a couple of whispered sentences at a time.
Day 6: Still sore, but I remember feeling like I turned a corner finally.
Day 7: Back to work! I work hybrid so I was home to recover and didn't have any problems concentrating or typing or anything. I had only been taking the painkillers maybe once a day, usually at night.
I'm a little over 2 weeks now and I feel as though I'm completely back to eating normally and speaking normally, though I can't talk too loud or for too long. After living with tonsil stones for so long, my mouth feels a lot cleaner if that makes sense.
No regrets on the surgery. Looking back, spending time in front of a mirror pushing calcified food particles out of crevices in your mouth is a wild way to spend your time. The recovery was tough I'm not gonna lie, but it is relatively short.
I found myself just like drooling saliva out of my mouth over a sink because I didn't want to swallow anymore. Ice cold water makes swallowing way more tolerable so try to always have ice cold water on hand at all times. I drink water like a psychopath so I was super hydrated, to the point where I was peeing every 45 mins the first two days. I couldn't imagine being dehydrated and trying to recover.
If I could do it over again, I would brew more tea with plenty of honey and let it cool down and then drink it cold. Honey is basically a wonder drug but I didn't utilize it enough in the beginning.
I found and downloaded a text to speech app, which was pretty handy. My kids loved it.
Here are some essentials that other people have mentioned here but I'll list them below. Good luck!!
Pillow Wedge for elevated sleep - I actually still use this as I enjoy sleeping a bit elevated now
Alo Water with Honey - I didn't realize there are clear pieces of aloe vera "pulp" in the drink, which was a super weird experience. I wound up straining the pulp out. Also, try to cut this with water, there's an insane amount of sugar in the huge bottles and you don't want any unnecessary discomfort while you're trying to recover.
Warm and Cool Mist Humidifier - I already owned this and I had it running basically 24/7. I still woke up with a dry mouth which is kind of miserable, but I think it would've been worse if I didn't have this.
Fairlife Core Power Protein Drinks - 26 or 42 grams of protein is amazing when you're recovering. They are a bit expensive, so I picked up a case of the Fairlife Nutrition Plan from my local Costco.
Sonic Pebble Ice - Pebble ice is so much better than regular ice from a freezer or if you're freezing a tray. I don't know why. It's so much easier to chew and it's so much more satisfying to put in your water, especially recovering from a tonsillectomy. If you don't leave near a Sonic, try to find pebble ice somewhere!
Miralax, 7 Once Daily Doses - You NEED a stool softener. The opioids will back you up. The worst part of my ACL recovery was that first bowel movement. I didn't stay on top of my stool softener game. You gotta get that first BM out of the way ideally within like 2-3 days.
RTIC 52 QT Cooler - It's not necessary to have a $200 cooler next to your bed, but if you already have a nice one like a Yeti or RTIC, I'd definitely recommend keeping it near where you are recovering.
Tongue Scraper - I didn't brush my teeth for like 3 days and I felt awful about it. I'd recommend at least a tongue scraper to keep up on the hygiene.
Ice Pack Head Wrap - I thought I would use this more, but it came in handy on days 5-6. I didn't need it, but I'm glad it was around.

Tldr: thoughts on having an of counsel relationship with a rural firm I'm currently at while starting my own small firm in a bigger metropolitan area?
Bunch of background and probably way more words than needed: I have been a lawyer for 6 years. I've been at the same firm the entire time. It's in a rural part of the state. Our firm does a lot of practice areas. The owner does primarily corporate law, as general counsel for a lot of farm/ranch businesses, leases, real estate transactions, and a small amount of probate and estate planning. I do about 60% family law, then andlord tenant law, estate planning, probates, and some business law. A tiny bit of litigation. It's a small town. When I joined there were four attorneys. The two others left and last year we got a new associate, who is primarily doing corporate law. My boss hates doing family law and our other attorney has no experience or interest in it. There are about 5 attorneys in the town who do family law or you have to travel about 2 1/2 hours to a city to find counsel. I turn away potential clients because I'm too busy all the time.
Here's the thing - I need to move. I actually love the firm and the work life balance, but I have a child with some significant support needs that we didn't know about when we moved. Our families and significantly better resources exist where we were before. It's the other side of the state (6+ hours away) and significantly more lawyer saturated.
This is a sooner than later plan, but definitely by next spring. Another year or so before my kiddo starts school. I've put a lot of thought and worry into this decision.
My tentative plans is to open my own solo form/ possibly partner with a friend of mine in that area. The firm would be primarily the areas I already practice in (normal combination in both areas). But he wouldn't be free until about 6 months after the move so it would be solo first anyway. And I am worried about establishing a new firm and the cost of everything during the move (I have savings but).
My boss knows this might be coming, but only generally and not the new firm part.
What do you all think about a proposa to my boss where I would also stay as of counsel or as a contract attorney for family law for my current firm for as long as we both agreed? I would be able to meet via video with clients and travel in for court or other needs, but I appear virtually in court and for mediations etc all the time already. It's not unusual.
We would not in the same market. I'm not easily replaceable simply because it's hard to recruit attorneys to my current town because it's so rural. It's not a matter where they could just hire another attorney to do family law in the office. It would be probably at least a year and that's not a guarantee.
I do not want to just stay working for the firm remotely and I don't think my boss would be okay with that scenario anyway. I don't think it would work full time. But I do truly think this would benefit us both - I would still have money coming in during the transition, they would still have someone doing family law. I am not certain my boss would agree to it, but I also don't think she would automatically reject the idea.
Ethic rules appear okay with this so long as it is disclosed and conflict checks happen. It should not cause a lot of conflict issues because of the distance and the type of clients.
But it's not something I have personal experience with. Is it a crazy stupid suggestion? I'm sure there are logistics I haven't thought of. Does anyone have suggestions or thoughts on terms I should propose?

**WARNING** long post. Feel free to skip the background information if need be
BACKGROUND:
I am a software engineer at a major bank. Relative to my counterparts on my team, I am the "most junior", but I have three years of experience. This is important to know as it may offer some insight to our team culture. I landed this job in November 2023 and was placed with my team in January 2024. The team consisted of two women, including myself and five men. I work at our NYC office with three of the other men, one of which is our team lead, let's call him Anderson. The other woman coworker lives in FL and the other two men are in India. I am the only black person on the team, and the rest of my coworkers are of Indian descent. This, too, is important to note.
From day 1, I was intentionally assigned low level administrative tasks while my coworkers were purposefully trained and briefed on other, technical tasks. The first week with my team, I mentioned to my team lead that I felt it important to learn the technical tasks that my teammates were learning, even if these technical tasks were not going to be my responsibility, because there would not be anyone to take on the technical tasks if someone was on vacation. My team lead told me to focus on the work he assigned to me.
Still determined to learn the technical tasks, I scheduled trainings with my offshore counterpart so that he would train me instead. This meant that I had to sign in to work after hours to be trained. I was now trained on what my "work buddy" knew, but still not fully trained on what the rest of the team knew how to do. Suddenly (not suddenly), my other woman coworker, let's call her Sandra, went on maternity leave and I was assigned her work. My team lead expressed his frustration with me not knowing how to do her job, and told me to figure out how to learn the things she was doing.
What is interesting to point out here is that during the first few weeks on the team, my team lead would assign our other senior engineer to train Sandra and answer all questions that she had. I was not granted this opportunity. Instead, my Slack messages went unanswered (I have all of this documented) when I had questions and after another two weeks, my team lead quietly reassigned Sandra's work from me to another senior engineer instead. He never explained why he did this, or gave me feedback on the work I was doing.
As the weeks went by, my team lead called me into a meeting to gauge my knowledge on querying our databases. He asked me to find a few items, which I could not find because for one, I had NEVER interacted with the databases before, and for two, I had no understanding of the database architecture or the data flow for our app. Nevertheless, I decided to ask clarifying questions to help me better understand the data so that I could write appropriate queries. My team lead responded to this with yelling "you are an engineer and you don't even know SQL", to which I responded that my knowledge of SQL was sufficient (part of my technical interview was based on writing complex queries), but I needed to understand exactly what he wanted me to find. He ended the meeting and never followed up on the information he was looking for. I still do not know what task, if any, that he was trying to assign to me.
I decided to follow up with him and explain to him that I could sense his frustration, and I asked him to define clear expectations for me and the team, and provide official training that focused on our application architecture and other technical areas that we needed to focus on. He told me that no amount of training would fix the "fact" that I did not know SQL and that it is the team members' job to train themselves.
Nevertheless, after that meeting, he assigned me with handling all onboarding for new projects moving forward. I have taken the liberty of advocating for my team members to ensure that we are all properly trained and provided with ALL resources needed to do our job well. Since then, the team, and myself has expressed more confidence in our ability to do our work. We are even at a point where senior team members reach out to me when they cannot find resources and either ask me to provide documentation, or ask me to reach out to other engineers to schedule meetings to provide trainings. Here is where I am concerned that I might be experiencing hostility at work. Please provide objective feedback and even constructive criticism if need be:
MAIN POINTS:
-my team lead uses language in his interactions with me that creates a false narrative. For example, he accuses me of "not caring" about my job, not "being collaborative", and not paying attention. One example is where I was tasked with migrating a google guice project to springboot. We had four weeks to get the work done and each week during standup, I brought up to my team lead my plans to make changes to the service. Each time, he would redirect my attention to administrative tasks. The third week of the sprint, literally in the middle of a Slack conversation of me telling my team lead that I planned on making some code changes and him instead telling me to do something else, our senior manager called a meeting with the team and yelled at my team lead for not getting any work done related to the code refactoring. After the meeting, my team lead followed up with me and berated me for not having work done. This is all documented in Slack and I remember being very confused as he had literally told me to do other tasks. As a result, my team lead removed me from the code refactoring project and used this to further justify his belief that I do "not care" about the work. Keep in mind that these interactions are documented.
-my team lead constantly verbally berates me in my interactions with him. One example is when I was typing up a document on a zoom call and I was sharing my screen with him. He kept rushing me and was saying things like "come on man I have other things to do", "ughhh hurry up", "you need to move fast!". Two things here: he yelled at me for moving fast because he said he could not see what I was clicking on when I moved fast. Then he yelled at me when I slowed down. There was one time he yelled at me for clicking a back button instead of the home button on the screen...he told me that I was not listening to him or paying attention...I am confused by this because the point of his instruction was for me to return to the home screen. There was another time where I misspelled a word in the middle of him berating me, and then he berated me even more for misspelling the word...
-my team lead has unclear expectations and gets angry at me when I do not do things he wants me to do. One example is when he wanted me to watch a 40 minute training video, summarize the points in the video, and schedule a follow up training with the person who lead the training so that the team (me) could ask questions. He asked me to get this done within an hour. He also wanted me to upload some recordings to Sharepoint. But this task was just another task to complete and not time-sensitive. After the call, I watched the video and made a summary and got back to him with an update in 45 minutes instead of the hour. He responded to my message 20 minutes after I wrote him by hopping on a call with me and yelled at me for not having the videos uploaded. Again, he accused me of "not caring" about my job. When I explained to him that the videos were not uploaded because I was focusing on the other, time sensitive task, he said that that task was not as important as having the videos uploaded and "people" were asking him about the videos in the Sharepoint space....this was a lie because it has been a week and the only person who accessed the uploaded videos was...you guessed it...me :)
-my team lead just berates me in general. He berated me for collaborating with a team member to explore a new internal application. He said that there was no need to get on zoom with the coworker because we should have already known everything...the app was new and I was the only one who understood how to navigate it after exploring it with the team member...oh...need I mention that he then asked me to train the other team members on the new app's UI next week?
-my team lead expressed his frustration at not having access to certain resources when I was on bereavement.The documentation was incomplete and I had to take a sudden leave due to a death in the family. Upon my return, he asked for the documentation and said that he find an "excuse" to tell his manager as to why the documentation was incomplete and that I was "on vacation"
-my team lead "warns" me not to "disappoint" him when he assigns me with tasks. When I ask him to define what a "disappointment" is and for us to agree on what is acceptable, he ignores me.
-my team lead tells me that "people" ask questions about my work and one day he is going to make our department head "deal" with me. The department head is known for being a hot head who yells at people. But he (department head)has NEVER yelled at me in any interaction I had with him, no matter how frustrated he may have been.
I want to make an important note here that my team lead does NOT speak to other people like this and he ONLY does this over zoom. I work 3x days in office and on the days where he speaks to me in person, he does not even make eye contact with me and he speaks so soft I can barely hear him sometimes. My team lead has never provided any feedback on my work. As a matter of fact, he uses my documentation and my explanation of technical tasks as if they were his own.
I am considering taking my concerns to our senior manager, who apparently is a well respected, "big boss" at work, but also MY direct manager and I happen to have a great relationship with him. I want to be as objective as possible in my complaint but in the meantime, I would like to explore areas where maybe I can improve to minimize my team lead's verbal assaults on me

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I have finally chosen to be done. I have filed for divorce once but then had it dismissed. I plan to re-file it this week. Now, I have such peace about being done. That feeling of relief is a feeling I’ve never felt before. I truly feel free and looking forward to this next chapter of my life free from his alcoholism. I’m hoping this feeling doesn’t go away and I stay strong enough to follow through. I have amazing family support, as well, which helps tremendously. I’m rooting for all of you to do what’s best for you and your family 🤍 alcoholism runs deep in my family, but it stops with ME!

My partner (31) and I (33) keep a keen eye on our budget.
Our estimated annual income not including RSUs is $306k.
We have $350k in a HYSA for a down payment. Ideally we only use 20% of the purchase price but may be open to using more than that.
We can't seem to fathom increasing our rent to $4,000 for a home mortgage. We both come from families that have experienced some form of financial hardship so maybe that's why we both don't like seeing the large number on a bill even though $4,000 (28% of net income) isn't even close to the oft used 28% gross front end DTI.
Are we being unnecessarily frugal? Does everyone else use front end DTI to measure their spending capacity?
Edit: we have a child and childcare is free at the moment. Childcare wouldn’t be a cost until preschool. And we do plan on having another child.

Hi all! I'm posting because I'm interested in getting to know people! I've been on dating apps for over a year and I just haven't had any luck finding someone that fits the nerdy personality that i have 😕 no one on dating apps seems to want commitment or a relationship so here i am posting here😅I'm from Georgia, I'm 22 years old, I'm 5ft 4in tall! I'm a black girl that mainly dates white men and asian guys! I'm definitely a big ole bubbly nerd that likes to stay in some days, and go out other days! I don't like partying or clubs, I do not smoke either! And would prefer that you do not smoke too! Please do not be a smoker bc I will not date a smoker! I'm looking for a man between the ages of 23-29 from Georgia that's interested in getting to know me! I'm also willing to date someone from out of state and do long-distance as long as you're ok with LDR as i desperately want to leave GA one day!! I would also like a man thats a bit taller than me and not at my height if possible😊 I would like someone to be at least 5ft10in and taller☺️! I'm also more into skinny/lanky men😊 If you have a motorcycle i will not date you due to a previous relationship years ago that involved a motorcycle accident and i almost lost my ex boyfriend at the time. Speaking of vehicles, i currently do not have a car as it broke down 2 weeks ago as im writing this, but i have a scooter that gets me to and from work. If you do not want to deal with a person without a vehicle until I get it fixed in the next few weeks you may skip past me! I understand if not having a vehicle is a turn off! If we are in long distance i will rent a vehicle if we plan to meet! I love reading! Mainly Harry Potter books and self care mental health books! I visit bookstores all the time! I also do not plan on ever having kids, so I'm trying to find a man that also does not want kids😊I love playing video games, my favorite genre is rpgs and jrpgs! But I do play other genre of games too! I like to paint in my free time, I love asian food, especially Korean and Japanese food! I love camping and hiking! Last summer I went to Tallulah Gorge and Brasstown Bald with a couple of friends on a 3 day camping trip! I am also a big lover of coffee and teas! I am also in school majoring in Dental Assiting! I am a huge fan of kdramas and kpop! And I love going to the arcade! If any of this sounds interesting to you just send me a chat telling me about yourself, and whether you're from the same state as me!😊