Hello fellow neurodivergents! I am 22M and I have been thinking about moving out of my parents house for a while now, but I am terrified that I wouldn't be able to function without supports. I have level one autism and mainly struggle with mental health disorders such as anxiety and OCD. I am doing well though as I have my driver's license, my own car, I work full-time, I have my high school diploma and very supportive parents. My goal is to move out at around 25 years old, however I am flexible with the whole timeline thing because my thinking can be very rigid at times.
I know that the economy isn't great right now, especially where I am in Ontario, Canada so I only plan on renting a room or something or have roommates which is another thing I am worried about. As of right now, I am working on cooking/cleaning for myself and making meals for myself.
What should I do to start becoming more independent? Also to anyone in this sub who has moved out, how did you feel when it actually happened? Any advice would be appreciated!
Much love my friends!

Just read about an owner debating rehoming her reactive dog, and I wanted to give some hope to anyone who is beyond that point. My American Staffordshire mix was brought back to the shelter after a year in her former family. They didn’t have time for her, and that’s all I was told.
When I got her, she was obviously smart, wanted to be a good dog, and was 50 lbs- just at the top end of what I as a medium sized woman was able to control on a leash. I quickly learned she was nervous, rattled, and afraid of her crate. Broke out of two crates. Had accidents in the house if I left even right after going potty. She pulled so much I could barely walk her more than ten minutes, and experimented with three different types of harness (she broke two). Outside, she was completely unfocused, manic, and overstimulated so easily. Immediately lunged, started fence fighting, and barking/snarling very aggressively towards other dogs and some people. She is a high drive breed and needs tons of attention, interaction, and exercise.
Fast forward to a year later, my dog still is highly reactive but is really happy, silly, extremely eager to focus all that energy on learning tricks, and she’s really thriving. She is the perfect work-from-home companion and gets her needs met with me. I’ve learned her triggers. I’ve also learned tons of little things that help distress her without any medication. I cannot imagine having children or not being a homebody, having a more time consuming career that took me out of the house and still being able to give this dog a happy life. I am so glad I picked her, because I know she needed exactly me and we love each other and have so much fun learning together. The point of this post is that there is definitely a home out there that’s right for your reactive dog even if it’s not yours.
We play in the fenced in yard, back of the house away from dogs or people. She does amazingly well with proper guest protocol and introduction. I spent months desensitizing her to her crate and bought her a massive thick steel one that she can’t harm herself on and can feel safe in, we worked our way up from two minutes crate time. And if I’m ever (rarely) gone more than three hours she gets a Rover walker to come give her some exercise and a break- she even puts herself back in the crate when she can sense it’s time. I work with a trainer. We have crazy specific routines for the car or the vet. She can walk 90% of the time with a LOOSE LEASH which is amazing to see after where she’s come from. We still have our ups and downs on walks, but we have learned each other and she recovers so much quicker now if she does get triggered, and I as a first time owner of a reactive dog have learned exactly what to do.
We make a great team, I can’t wait to see how she matures through the years in this home that’s set up perfectly for her, and I’m forever grateful her family made the hard decision. I know it had to be hard, but it was the right thing to do in her case.

Hello there,
I am going to link here to my current build.
I made this build in mid-2018 and it was my first ever build. I researched a lot at the time but ever since have been reluctant to make any changes or upgrades to my system but I am currently thinking of downsizing to the Fractal Terra case and want an overall more minimal stealth build.
I know I will need to switch out some major parts like getting a Mini ITX board etc. but just looking for any advice from some more experience folks about how to transfer to a new build in general and make the most of what I already have. I'm not expert and my inclination is to just start from scratch because I get overwhelmed.
Not sure how to switch over the CPU for example etc. I would want more of a stealth build over all and happy to sell some of my RBG parts etc. but any advice would be helpful.
Also in terms of usage, I mainly need it to run Adobe Suite well, I have used it for gaming and I ran Starfield and Diablo IV with no issues last year but it's not my number 1 priority as I am primarily a PlayStation user. My most demanding day-to-day usage is typically Photoshop.

If this is the wrong subreddit for this, I apologize and please feel free to delete. I just started watching Ruyi's Royal Love in the Palace after finishing Empresses in the Palace and Yanxi Palace. I'm familiar with the terms used for sister and brother (mei mei/jie jie and didi/gege), but Ruyi is the first show I've seen where they use gege in a different way. I'm on the first episode where they not only refer to Qingying as "Gege Qingying" but also Fuca Langhua as "Gege Langhua".
I did some googling and found where gege is sometimes used in other scenarios besides just older brother, but I didn't really find anything about what it means when it is used to address women. So I was hoping someone could explain so that I can better understand. Thanks ❤️

Don't you love how every time you're starting to feel like you're doing well in life, the universe seems to lash out and pull you down? That sinking pit, deep in your chest you can never fully escape from.
Ok, I'll get to the point, I'm completely at my wits end here. Earlier today I was sitting in my kitchen when I heard a knock at the front door. It was soft and I could barely hear it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I approached the door, I wasn't sure why, but something was just off about it.
Right as I braced myself to open it, I heard something downright horrifying to me. A low, gutteral, ragged breath. To most people this would be slightly off-putting, by no means something to freak out about. I knew this sound though. I had hoped I'd never hear it again.
When I was around 13, I unfortunately witnessed my mother's dying breaths. She unintentionally poisoned herself due to a toxic mixture of medications. And I happened to be there talking to her when it happened. My once beautiful mother, morphed into a gray, ugly corpse making the most horrible gargle whenever Id press on her chest as I desperately tried to administer CPR.
Now back In the present moment, I felt the same sense of primal terror and desperation, slowly creeping into my chest. It was is if my vision became cloudy as I slowly sank to the floor in front of the door. I was hoping, practically begging with the universe to please make a different sound. I'd prefer someone screaming trying to bash my door down over this. Sadly, though, whatever was on the other side of the door wouldn't even so much as knock again. I could only hear the muffled gagging.
Pathetically enough, even if it was some sick prank, I couldn't confront it. I really couldn't. I sat in a ball right next to the door, quietly crying, cursing my very existence. The breathing noises wouldn't stop.
I woke up in the fetal position, crouched into the corner between the wall and the door. I wasn't sure what time it was but everything was dark. As it was daytime when this all began, I never turned any of the lights on. In a disoriented stupor, I had completely forgotten what had caused all of this in the first place. I was sitting up in confusion when it all slammed back into my head, like a wall of fear.
It had to be a hallucination. There's no way someone would stand at my door and make that noise, prank or real. Not to mention I have never really told anyone about that noise and the terror it gives me, no one would even have a motive to do this to me. Yet there it was again, directly across the door from me. A disheveled, disembodied, hollow rasp of a breath.
Instead of fear though, I flew into a rage. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "FUCK OFF, IM ABOUT TO CALL THE COPS!" My voice cracked at the end of it, I could tell even now how weak I sounded. What the hell was I thinking? What would the cops even do about this stupid situation?
It was at that moment I willed every fiber in my body to grip the handle and turn the doorknob. It felt so heavy, like I could barely move it, but it clicked. I didn't even give myself time to process what was happening before I swung it open, exposing myself.
I really wish I had just called the cops. I wish I did anything but open that stupid fucking door. I wish I wasn't here right now. I wish this wasn't happening.
Right in front of me, standing, in a uncanny fashion. Her head tilted uncomfortably forward, creating a double chin that made her look just as horrifying as the last time I saw her. Every beautiful feature of her face was stripped by these stiff, unnatural fillings. It was my mother. Not alive, not decomposing, not a zombie or anything I could even begin to comprehend.
It's as if she was frozen right after her viewing and dropped at my doorstep to thaw 10 years later. But even worse, the breathing got faster when I saw her. I couldn't tell if she was looking at me or down at the ground due to the disturbing angle of her neck, almost forcing her chin into her chest. Her body heaved unnaturally as she struggled to gargle out each breath.
I couldn't even scream. I turned around and shut the door, I walked to my room, and hid underneath my covers. I've been like this for hours now, it's still dark, and for some reason none of the clocks in my house are working. I'm writing this in the sheer hope that someone, something can help me out of this. Even if I called the cops, I can't live with this. I can't unsee this. Even now I know she's still there, the breathing is outside of my bedroom window now. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Hey! I’m (25f) pregnant with our first. After years of health issues and being convinced I was infertile, I found out I was pregnant. This comes after I finally figured out how to regulate my hormones with food and was in the best shape I’ve been in a while! I felt great!
At about 2 weeks I started experiencing extreme anxiety, depression, and fatigue. I didn’t know I was pregnant then. Thee depression/anxiety got slightly better around week 5! But I started throw up all day, every day. I had extreme food aversions. I couldn’t smell anything! Even candles made me sick.
All I could eat was plain food like rice or crackers, and I’d add a protein shake when I could stomach it. Anytime I tried to exercise I would get sick to my stomach or dizzy to the point of almost passing out. When I ate anything with high calories I would get extremely dizzy and sick.
I went to my first check up at 9 weeks. They said the baby looked fine and ran a whole bunch of blood tests. When I stepped on the scale I was a full 20 lbs heavier than when I started. I almost screamed. They didn’t mention anything about the weight but my test results aren’t in yet.
I’m confused because I haven’t really been eating. I also can’t eat gluten or dairy or lots of sugar because of my chronic illnesses. So I’m not sure what I did wrong.
This is my first and I’ve never really been around pregnant people so I have no idea what’s ok. Should I be concerned?

I (33f) and my husband (34m) have been in a commitment and solid relationship since we were 18.
If you need background on our relationship read this or skip ahead:
Background: We met online in a game in two separate states. We moved in together in his state and got married in court during lockdown in 2021. Neither of us are close with our families because of their extremely conservative and religious convictions. I am romantically attracted to women more than sexually which I confessed to my husband at a later time in our relationship. I didn’t have and don’t have any interest in other women since we met. I later shared with him my spiritual beliefs and practices as a witch that I suppressed since I was caught by my mother as a teenager. I was shammed a lot for being me growing up. I grew up in a very emotionally unstable home. I also did not receive the supports I needed as a child with adhd and autism that developed anxiety and depression. There is a lot behind that but it is what it is at this point. This being said, my dad also has adhd and mental illnesses that he would display with subtle to full outbursts of anger and my mom unresolved childhood neglect and bullying and what I believe to be some form(s) of intellectual deficits which severely affected her self esteem and her almost unhealthy strong attachment to me. So I grew up to be a clusterfuck of mental, emotional, developmental and spiritual instability. I was also bullied and suffered betrayals from friendships because of various factors often due to my neurodivergent behaviors. So as to be expected, I 100% formed an anxious attachment style. Please look it up so you are familiar with this. It’s a big part of the conundrum I’m in.
(DISCLAIMER: I’m not into the evil fuckery type magic btw… I’m the kind of witch that practices moon magic with lots of love, light and blessings n all that shit - yes I’m in a pissy mood from all of this so you’ll be getting that sort of spice throughout). .
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If you skipped ahead it starts here:
My husband had slowly loosened up on his own strict conservative programming since he started seeing me become happier and more secure in myself since I started practicing my personal spirituality again and dropping my “mask” more often and being that weird quirky neurodivergent girl more openly and working so hard on myself to overcome my childhood traumas and the shame that stifled my authentic self. And that was great! Until it wasn’t for me in our monogamous relationship.
He guilted me (unintentionally) into having a threesome 2x with a woman who we ended up having a sort of friendship afterword but I was always very mentally off put by it but faked being ok for a while. After each of the 2x weeks apart, I became very emotionally numb to my husband. Like my heart literally froze and I was feeling almost like a cold-hearted bitch, even telling my husband I wanted a divorce. Mind you, he was in a bad mental state at this time in which I didn’t really know because he never truly expressed his actual emotions much. I found out later that he had been feeling pretty severe distress from his mom who has been making horrible mistakes and acting like a spoiled child begging him for money and complaining to him about her constant fights with her sister who was like a second mom to him in which he kept being placed in the center. I have my own traumas from her due to a psychiatric break she had which was slowly building that we weren’t aware of until she snapped fully disconnecting from reality and the entire time I was the center of her hostilities, likely because I was taking her baby boy from her - if you’re Hispanic, you understand this atrocity I was committing 🙄. My poor husband was under her thumb to the point he was completely sheltered and dependent on her - as a full grown man in his 20s until I literally helped him become an independent man in thought and lifestyle. So imagine that stress being in the middle and then having me add in to that with my constant complaining and irritation with his mom’s bs affecting us constantly in one way or another.
And then ADD TO THAT he was suffering severe caregiver burnout because I’ve been chronically ill since we met and still in that stage where all my doctors were telling me I was just anxious so they didn’t have to actually do their due diligence, which was then exacerbated significantly after I was in a car accident and they couldn’t figure out was was wrong for almost 2-3 years until I got the right care and back on my feet- kind of. I have been off and on disability - including a SI attempt last March - for about 6 yrs now. So my husband has been my main support for almost 12-13 years of our relationship. I obviously am not close to my parents (and because my dads a money hungry idiot I was always moving around California for his next big promotion which separated me at 7yrs old from my then 22yr old sister and her 2yr old daughter).
When he finally broke down and told me, we had a long and difficult talk with so many tears and a bit step toward healing ourselves individually and as partners. Don’t get me wrong, we had our fair share of misunderstandings and issues but we always came together stronger and closer. I thought before this significant issue that I had the most wonderful and strong marriage in the world. I mean, not only was he still there, but he helped me get back up every time I wanted to give up which allowed me so much success and the ability to purchase our 2nd home by the time we were 32yrs old. The 1st house we had to sell because of the accident and we hit rock bottom, and then we got this one a year ago and almost lost it again due to my health.
We worked to a point where we were happy again. Like the kids who met and fell in love 15yrs ago. We just had the PERFECT date day (we had 6 separate exciting things packed into that day). At the end of the night we walked around the lake by our house and sat down on a bench overlooking the water when after some time snuggling and laughing and talking about our day…. He confessed something major to me. Something that has made me feel that slipping of warmth in my heart for him once again.
He brought up the poly thing again. But this time, he said after much research and soul searching, he identifies as polyamorous. I asked him if he meant he wanted just flings or something with other people or if he meant… romantic relationships as well. With sadness in his voice he confirmed. He wanted a romantic relationship outside of me. This is why he hadn’t been wearing his wedding ring in a long time. It started during to his skin condition on his hand but when it healed he lied and said it bothers his hand whenever I’d ask after that.
I know he will always keep me as the permanent primary partner I guess they call it, but I just can’t get over this intense sense of anger, jealousy, fear of abandonment. Remember that anxious-attachment style? Well this is the WORST NIGHTNARE for someone with that type of attachment.
It feels almost like he punched me square in the chest with all his strength and this boy has some serious biceps. I love him so much and as much as I want to tell him no, that I am his wife and I will be the only one because HE is MY husband, that would lead to that awful resentment we both held for what felt like ages. You know that saying? If you love them, let them go? That’s how I feel. He has made it so clear he will always be at my side and that his love for me is everything. But he can’t deny who he is and I can’t rip that part out of him and burn it until not even ashes remain.
I know he would be a complete and utter mess if I divorced him, but I feel so devastated. He has done so much research and I asked him to give me the resources he said he’d collected for me to understand him and what this whole polyamory thing is. I love this man with all of my being. He’s my soulmate. Or I guess… was.
I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t know how I’m going to get over this right now. We talked about couples counseling but my heart and anxiety want to just throw in the towel to avoid any more pain.
****I’m so sorry for the long and possibly over encumbered post…
But, AITA for wanting to shut down and kick my loving husband to the curb? ****
Any advice for this anxiously attached, autistic wife married to a monogamous and now polygamous husband would be so appreciated.
Edit: he only wants to see a partner WE BOTH are into. But I want to punch the shit out of every imaginary man or woman who would dare steal any millisecond of my man’s affection.

Hey y’all, I am going to college for cybersecurity with the hope to work either in the cybersecurity field or do white hat hacking for a company of some sort, I have quite a bit of computer experience and I’ve taken multiple coding classes throughout high school, but I haven’t done much in a couple of years and I only learned python through the classes, I could just look up a video or whatever but that’s not as fun ig if you guys could “start over” what language would you learn or get proficient at first? I am thinking to do c++ or c# but I’d appreciate any suggestions or personal experiences or whatever, correct me if I’m wrong but in the past I learned a little c++ and I thought c# was harder and it’s easier to learn c++ first

I’m in my sophomore year of high school and schools about to end and i’ve been eyeing this freshman girl since the start of december. We used to sit next to each other in a class and got along pretty well and i would even say we were kind of developing a connection that is until the teacher obviously did teacher things and moved everyone around. Now she sits across the entire room. Ive been wanting to ask her for her number or instagram but i’ve just pushed it off because she always hangs out in a class with her friends during lunch so i thought i shouldn’t risk it. her friends are also in our class we have. How should i approach her? I’m thinking it’s now or never since schools ending.

I sometimes use reddit as a diary of sorts and this is one moment I never want to forget. My 5yo daughter and I love music. We regularly have dance parties where we put on music and dance around for an hour or two,and we have instruments all through the house and are making a ruckus near daily. A few months back I seen that pointfest in St. Louis had two of my favorite band headlining (bad omens/wage war) for $25 a ticket. My daughter also likes these band and I thought this might be a great opportunity to take her as the tickets were so cheap that I wouldn't mind leaving early if she wasn't having a good time.
Lately work has been kicking my ass and I've just been beaten and haven't got to spend the time with her I wish I could, and it's been damaging my mental health.
When we got to the concert it was very hot, so we found some shade and just relaxed through the early bands and just let her accommodate herself to the crowd of people. I was getting a little bit bummed that she was getting whinny about the heat and not having toys and whatnot, but she eventually got over it and started having fun.
When the main stage opened up she took a much needed nap and woke up just in time for Wage War. I tried to get her to dance but she was a bit shy around all the people, but she got to see a small mosh pit and she sang a bit. When Bad Omens got up there she started to get really excited. Their stage was covered in screens and she was blown away by the light show. By about their third song she was really loosening up and being more interactive. When they played her favorite song "Limits" she lit up and was singing along with me.
At the start of their set she wouldn't scream after the song, despite normally be a very loud kid, but I finally got her to yell and when she did I gave her a kiss on the cheek. After that she would kiss me after each song and just had a big smile on her face. She was also blown away by everyone holding up there lights for a slow song and just thought it was so cool. Bad Omens set was almost 2 hours and she was locked in the whole time and just taking in the moment so well. At the end when everyone chanted "one more song" she chanted "six more songs".
Like I said work and life had been beating me lately but having that moment with her reminded what maximum happiness is and really helped bond us. She always loves me, but normally prefers to cuddle her mom or cries for mom when she's not around, but all day today she was my little buddy and had no problem cuddling me over mom. Yesterday was a special moment for me and I will always cherish it.
Also the bands were incredible and I suggested everyone who likes rock go see them. Seen a LOT of concerts and this was definitely top 3, if not my favorite concert.

I'm doing fine but same cannot be said for my youngest. He did several things that he wasn't supposed to do.
I thought he was fine but I was wrong.
It has been 3 months since I last saw him, he is with his grandma(my mom) in Norway for now.
He beat up kids at school who made fun of him. And those kids ended up in the hospital(is he really that strong or what the fuck?) I scolded him for that, but he just turned around and walked to his room. He was suspended 4 times and I told the school I'll make sure he doesn't do it again.
Another time, after school was over and while he was walking home, a group of college students tripped him on the sidewalk and started laughing at him. He then took out a lighter(don't even know where he got it from) and threw it at one of the students who then got on fire. Police were called and my son was arrested, I had to bail him out myself.
The last time was when he and I got in an argument and I said "Maybe if your dad was here, this wouldn't have happened". He then punched me in the face, choked me, and kicked me. He only stopped when I yelled for my oldest son. He ran to his room and locked his door. I did tell my oldest son about what happened, he was pissed but I told him to leave him. I did get a black eye from the punch he gave me to the face.
here I am wondering if I should let my son come home. I've been crying since I sent him to live with his grandma and I miss having him around, and I feel like I'm the asshole here and it's all my fault. He did apologize to me, and sent me letters apologizing for hurting me like this
I want him to come back home, but I'm afraid he might do these things once he's back, I'm scared he might hurt me again.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT, INTERNET STRANGERS! WHAT DO I DO???!!!

I’m lost in a world that doesn’t exist anymore. Let me give a little context on this.
I’m from southern part of India (29 M) had a not normal childhood and my family isn’t exactly what one would call normal, it was great until one point but when I was around 13-14 my parents joined a religious group (not a cult) but were so much invested in that they forced me and my brother to follow their ideology and the path as a family, the time me and my brother realised that the path wasn’t for us it started a turmoil in the family causing lot of arguments and situations are still the same. My parents wanted me and my brother to stop our education and join the religious community, after a struggle and lot of arguing we opted out of that. It was at that time I met my love of my life, she was such a wonderful person. That was my chance to have my own family, feel like home. After we graduated I joined in the same company she was placed in our final year so I could be with her (not insecure but just wanted to be with her) we had our ups and downs like usual relationships but I was determined to always make things work and so did she I thought, I think she kept all the downs at one place and one day after ~8yrs into our relationship she decided to call it quits. I couldn’t accept that, wanted to fight for her and make her see the ups too, it was the time of Covid initial stages where the world stopped moving. All I could do was talk or chat but couldn’t meet, she stopped listening, even blocked me everywhere, after a lot of struggle got her to talk but only to know that she has already moved on within a few days, some guy who was able to be there in the time. After what felt like a world-ending struggle she managed to break every contact with me. She wasn’t to be blamed even I didn’t want to be with myself I was just glad that someone wanted to, just wished it would last longer.
I was heartbroken, devastated, depressed so much that I couldn’t even imagine living anymore. After contant support from my brother and friends I joined therapy but it didn’t feel like it helped. It’s been 4 years since she ever spoke to me, she moved to a different country for masters. I haven’t been able to regain my will to live, I’m not going to kill myself and cause pain to my brother or my friends. I tried many things to move on, therapy didn’t help much, tried dating apps, dated a woman for a while but couldn’t really connect with her, gave therapy one more shot didn’t work out, took a long vacation solo and with friends but everything still feels like it’s still happening. I look at my phone hoping every notification was a text from a person who probably doesn’t even think about me. I look into the crowds hoping to find a known silhouette. I don’t know how to get myself out. I don’t know how to stop looking for my home which doesn’t exist anymore.
I don’t feel like asking for help from anyone anymore, my brother or my friends. I’ve imposed myself enough and don’t feel like disturbing their lives for my own. I just want to sleep one night peacefully. I want to feel alive again. Smile without having to force it for the sake of people around me. I don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the long post.

I (18m) work 40+ hours a week of heavy physical labor as a metal fabricator. When I was 16 I completed duel enrollment and got welding certifications at a technical school. Because of this, I did not have any classes my senior year of HS and started working full time.
Now, a year later, I dont think I can do it anymore. People weren’t joking when they said this economy is bad. I live in a literal traphouse with fentanyl addicts because its all i can afford. I work what is supposed to be a high paying job but still live paycheck to paycheck. From rent, groceries, girlfriend, and bills, I am left with very little money each month.
I have no time for myself, and breathe in heavy metals all day. I can feel myself worsening in physical and mental health.
I cant quit my job because obviously I will be broke and homeless Lol.
I feel stuck in an inescapable cycle. I am a good entrepreneur but have no time to work on starting my own business. I am literally just stuck.
When i was younger i trapped, but i got in too deep with a lot of big players and it resulted in some close calls. I was making shitloads of money and had so much time to be free and enjoy life, but my girlfriend says she will break up with me if i go back into that lifestyle, which is understandable.
I genuinely think i will take my chances and start hitting licks. I will probably die young either way and might as well gamble for a shot at a better life.
what do yall think i should do?

Hey everyone, this sub helped me so much with figuring out about this condition and eventually helping me find a doctor that would give me the botox treatment, so I wanted to give a full detailed account of my experience to help anyone else in the beginning of their journey!
So for some context I am 21F and for as long as I can recall, I’ve never burped. My parents tell me I had no issues burping as a baby, so somewhere in my early life I lost the ability to burp. I can remember having symptoms for many years now, but it’s only been in the last few years of me starting college and getting into my intended career field when this condition started to really affect my life negatively. My biggest symptoms were the gurgling frog noises, painful bloating, and painful hiccups.
I found out about this condition probably a year or two ago, and then finally after one particularly embarrassing experience with the gurgling noises I finally decided to try and start the process of getting the botox procedure. For more context I’m located in the state of Georgia and have Kaiser Health insurance.
So in December 2023 I saw a Primary Care Doctor in order to get a referral to an ENT. Thanks to this subreddit I knew how important it was that I saw an ENT and didn't get referred to a GI doctor. During this appointment I initially didn’t bring up RCPD because I had a feeling my doctor wouldn’t take a self diagnosis seriously. However after discussing my symptoms, (which she had a hilariously confused face when I explained my symptoms and exclaimed “Wow I’ve never had someone come to me with this issue before!”) she said she felt like it was likely a GI issue. So after hearing this I decided to bring up that I had done some online research, which she actually was incredibly receptive to and even encouraged me to share what I had found. I explained to her RCPD and watched her google the condition right in front of me, and after reading some webpages she was in agreement that this is likely what I had, and changed my referral to ENT!
On January 9th 2024 I had my ENT appointment, which was pretty straightforward. My Primary Care Doctor wrote in my referral about RCPD, so the ENT’s I met with had researched the condition before my appointment. They performed an endoscopy on me to make sure I didn’t have any other issues that could be causing my symptoms, but everything came back clean. Since they found no other issues that could be causing my symptoms, they were in agreement that I likely had RCPD. However the Kaiser ENT told me that they don’t perform the Botox procedure through their system of healthcare hospitals/offices, so they’d be writing me a referral to Dr. Andrew Tkaczuk at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, GA. Even though I already knew about Dr. Tkaczuk through this subreddit, I’m glad I went through these 2 appointments with Kaiser first because it made the process of getting the botox procedure covered by Kaiser Insurance basically automatic.
On February 21st 2024 I had my first appointment at Emory with Dr. Tkaczuk. Once again this was pretty straightforward. I got another endoscopy which once again came back clean. He made sure I didn’t have any issues with acid reflux or heartburn, because in his experience the botox procedure can make those conditions worse. He also let me know that he’s performed this procedure over a hundred times now and never had any complications. I think he mentioned only having to redose maybe 3 patients when their first dose didn’t work. He did warn me that he mostly uses the botox procedure as a cure to bloating issues, as typically most of his patients don't go on to be world class belchers, but instead can burp just enough to relieve their symptoms of bloating and gas build up in the body. After going through all of the risks and potential side effects, I got the greenlight to get the botox procedure.
On April 12th 2024 I got my Botox procedure, and everything was incredibly easy! I showed up to Emory Hospital at 1pm and got taken back to pre-op by 1:30ish. I was not intubated since I am young and the procedure would only take around 30 minutes max, and they made sure to protect my teeth to prevent any damage that the instruments could cause. I underwent general anesthesia (Dr. Tkaczuk explained that he’s more comfortable doing the procedure under GA since the injection site is so close to vocal cords and other things that could be easily damaged if done under local) and was injected with 50 units of botox. I woke up and went home after the procedure with only a very minor sore throat. Dr. Tkaczuk warned me that I might not have any relief of my symptoms until 2 days after the procedure when the botox would likely begin to take effect. For the rest of my procedure day (Day 0) I only had a minor sore throat that eventually had gone away by bedtime.
Day 1 Post Botox Procedure I woke up and immediately drank some Sprite and Dr. Pepper, and luckily had no issues with any slow swallowing. I wasn’t getting my hopes up that I’d have any micro burps since I wasn’t 2 days post-op yet, but turns out I had nothing to worry about! Only a few hours after waking up I had my first micro-burp during a sneeze, and it only got more prevalent throughout the day. I naturally am a bit of a Dr. Pepper addict, so I was consuming fizzy drinks all day. The Dr. Pepper and Sprite gave me some occasional micro-burps, but eventually I drank a fizzy drink called “Guarana Antarctica” (A Brazilian soda similar tasting to Sprite which can be found at Brazilian grocery stores or Publix!) and that drink caused my burps to increase like crazy, so if you’re looking for a drink to induce your burps maybe try that! By night time I was practically micro-burping after every sip of a drink and even let out some quite large and quite nasty tasting burps. I also had at least 3 burps where I could feel acid come up through my nose a bit, which was definitely unpleasant but weirdly nice to experience because it told me that the procedure did its job! However all these burps were 100% uncontrollable. I did find that it was easier to get them out by turning my head to the side, but some just naturally came out while I was talking and I had no control to hold it back (I accidentally burped right in my aunt's face while talking to her!).
Day 3 Post Botox Procedure I started to get some very minor slow swallow side effects. I only experienced it when eating certain foods and luckily not with liquids. It didn’t really make it much harder to eat, I just had to wash down my bites with a drink every so often to make sure food didn’t get stuck in my throat. But otherwise my micro-burps continued as normal, but still were quite involuntary and I still didn’t have much control over them.
2 Weeks Post Botox Procedure not much has changed. I can still burp quite frequently, some sounding like loud real burps but most are just small releases of air. My slow swallow has pretty much gone away, sometimes I still need to chase some large bites of food down with liquid but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. One thing I’ve noticed that is kind of annoying is I cant drink anything if I’m not sitting up completely straight, and if I lay down too quickly after sipping something the liquid will come right back up! I assume that my esophagus is just kind of always a little open right now which is causing this. The other day I did have what I’d consider a “burp attack” after drinking some Chick Fil A sweet tea. I was in class and literally could not stop burping, which was great for practice but none of these burps offered any release. I’d let out a burp but still feel like there was air trapped in my chest. This only ended after I stopped drinking the tea and drank some soda instead, overall it was pretty weird and so I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. But so far I haven't noticed any painful bloating which has been great! I’ve explained the condition and procedure to all my friends, so whenever I’m hanging out with them they all encourage me with my burps which has been quite funny.
3 Weeks Post Botox Procedure my slow swallow symptoms are completely gone, and I’m experiencing full and natural burps when appropriate instead of small micro burps constantly through the day. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned how to burp at this point, but its hard to say until the botox really wears off. However I recently started experiencing a new and unpleasant side effect, which is throwing up a little bit in my mouth when I bend down too quickly. It’s only happened twice so far, but its very unpleasant, but I’m not super concerned since it’s likely just due to the muscle still being always slightly open. Another side effect is very jarring and painful burps that go up my nose after drinking soda. It’s really hard to describe but I’m sure anyone who has experienced it knows what I’m talking about. I’ve asked my non-RCPD family members if this is a normal thing and they all say that a burp like that happens very rarely, so I’m thinking it’ll go away soon.
5 Weeks Post Botox Procedure and all of my previous side effects have gone away! My burps are natural and happening at normal times still with the occasional burp when I sneeze. No more acid burps with soda, no more minor throwing up in my mouth when bending down. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with Dr. T this week, but due to some scheduling conflicts I had to cancel it. However I’m pretty sure he would have given me a clean bill of health, and at least in my opinion I can pretty confidently say I’ve been cured of RCP-D! I’m pretty sure it’ll be another month or two before the botox fully wears off, so if something major changes I’ll update this post. But I think at this point it’s safe to say all of my side effects are gone, and my body has stabilized to its new normal!
Overall I am incredibly grateful for how easy this process was for me. I’m so thankful that I never dealt with any doctors not believing in my symptoms or the condition itself, and the fact that the botox kicked in so quickly and I had minimal side effects! Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here, I hope this helps someone with their experience!

Guess what guys and gals? I'm in a bind. With the slight decline in cryptos over the past month I can no longer pursue my baseball card addiction. Not only do I need to start looking for a job but I'm also debating reaching out to my former girlfriend to see if she'll have me back. By way of background...
...I'm addicted to collecting baseball cards. It's my passion and one I spend every spare $ on, including my crypto gains. What I consider the best release in the hobby, namely Panini Chronicles, just became available. The hobby boxes retail for over $120 per box. Last year I went over budget and purchased too many hobby boxes and had to take an extra job to cover my spending. Unfortunately, this impacted my performance at my primary job and my boss told me to improve my performance or resign. Then my girlfriend told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with a 45yo man who can't keep a steady job or spends time on childish pursuits. She gives me a ultimatum, "It's either me or the baseball cards!" (In her defense, after listening to her complaining for hours one evening, I retorted "Well at least cryptos become more desirable over time." That date did not end well.)
Anyway, now that I'm single and cryptos have plateaued, I'm trying to decide my next steps. I need cryptos to keep rising to fund my passion. My current portfolio is ADA, ALGO, BTC, ETH & LTC and my exchange is Coinbase. I'm thinking of adding ERGO, MATIC and NANO. What do you think? Am I still on track to purchase a few boxes of Chronicles? Should I update the resume and give the ex a call? Thanks guys and gals for all the love and support.
TLDR: My parents, (girl)friends, and parole officer think I need therapy. However, they don't understand collecting cards is my therapy. It helped me get through some very dark times. The rhythm of sorting is very peaceful and therapeutic.

Hey everyone. I'll try to keep this brief.
I'm thirty and my life is barely different from when I was a teenager. In the realm of love and romance I'm about what you'd expect (a "wizard" as it used to be called). I haven't had a real job pretty much ever but I've started and quit A LOT, like nineteen total that I can remember, including a very good job that's easily the second biggest regret of my life behind not getting to know my mom more. I don't have much life experience, work experience, social experience, or romantic experience. That's why I say I really just feel like I'm a teenager still.
My mom died in February after a prolonged illness but she rapidly deteriorated. One day she was sick in the same regular way she had been for months and the second day I could barely hear her speak and the third day she was pretty much unconscious. I managed to talk to her on the second day and promised I would get my life together.
It's been a few months and I'm struggling again. The primary advice I'm looking for is work related. I have never essentially worked for more than a few months at a time and I'm 30. It is brutal trying to get interviews for any decent job. Hell, I know it's hard for people with regular work histories. I've resorted to lying on my resume and making up experience (unrelated to the jobs I'm looking for; just to clear the gap up a little). Honestly, the only thing I can get is working at Amazon, which I've done before and hated (it's multiple parts of those 19 prior jobs). I can't ask anyone in my life for help because my resume has no real work experience. And it just seems like any job I can get means losing my weekends or working overnights. On top of that I have around $18k in credit card debt I need to pay off before I can move out or anything like that. It's hard not to feel doomed, especially when my friends are traveling the world full time, making hundreds of thousands of dollars, opening businesses, starting families, buying homes, etc. Meanwhile I've never had a job or even a girlfriend, and I'm not building a career or wealth or anything.
My life isn't totally doomed. I managed to get a college degree, graduating in 2020 with a computer science degree from a decent school. I only have Dep. of Education student loans which means with the SAVE plan I'm pretty safe on those. I do have a solid group of friends. I'm not homeless and can live at home. I recently became an artist and am very driven about it and into it which has been a major boon in my life.
But some of that good stuff is a double edged sword. If I didn't have a degree then getting one would be an obvious step. But I do have one, and I have no work experience (let alone experience in any white collar field), and it's been over three years since graduating so I'm not in that "new grad" territory any longer. How can I possibly solve this? My goal is to become a technical writer. I'm worried I'll never have a shot again at upward mobility.
Similarly, my friends are great but like It's becoming harder to relate to them, and if I take a job working weekends or overnights it'll be even harder to ever see them. They're already talking about a big group vacation this summer but I won't be able to go because jobs in America won't even give you reasonable unpaid time off. One of the ballasts of my mental health is becoming an anchor.
Anyway, I'm not looking for advice that's really specific. I don't think it'd be possible to give any. I guess I'm just curious for general advice or stories or any inspiration or hope you can offer.
Thanks.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok_Outcome3739. She posted in AITAH

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period. Ergo, the newest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: OOP gets answers
Original Post: May 11, 2024
I 29F have a 5F with my ex 32M. We were engaged but never really planned to have kids before marriage or at least for the next few years. I was on the pill and he used protection sometimes but I ended up pregnant. Since it was unplanned. Abortion was on the table. He was more into making it work so both of us decided to keep the baby. I wasn't emotionally prepared but for him love is all it takes to make everything work. Fast forward 6 months he started to change. He would give me the silent treatment if I do something wrong. He wouldn't engage in any conversation about the baby and would just yell at me if I ask what's wrong. I was almost 8 months pregnant when he told me he's just not ready to be a father and can't do both things. It's either fatherhood or his career. I was scared to be a single mother so I told him it's fine I can take care of our baby and be a SAHM until things get better for him, but he refused and made it clear everything is over. Since the house was his I left and went to live with my mom until I found myself a place.
I gave birth to my baby girl and he never came to see her. His mother and sister were there for me and to this day they're still part of my daughter's life. As for him he gave up his parental rights and granted me full custody (legally) but was willing to contribute financially through child support (He voluntarily provides financial support in an amicable arrangement). I'm not proud of it but there are nights I called him just to ask him why did he do that to us. I wasn't even ready but seeing him happy and excited made me think we could make it work together. He never really answered my calls. We used to communicate through his mother or sister or email. I love my baby and won't ever see her as a mistake. I'm still doing my best to be the best mother she deserves. I have a good paying job now and everything is better than before.
Now here's the thing. After 5 years and when I finally feel my life got better and figured out my shit, he wants to get involved. He's been calling and texting me for a week now. He doesn't regret a thing and he's not asking. He's telling me that he has the right to see his daughter and be there for her. How can I trust him not to wake up one day and decide being in her life is a mistake and disappear again? He can do that to me but I just don't want my daughter to get hurt. I told him he can see her but not this way. He wants more than just to see her. He even threatened me if I don't agree then he has no problem telling her in the future how I'm the reason she grew up without a father.
His mother and even my mother want me to just let him into my daughter's life with no exceptions. And I'm not comfortable doing that because I know him. WIBTA if I decide on what's best for our daughter or just suck it up and let him in?
Edit: just wanted to mention English isn't my first language, so sorry if there are any errors. Also sorry if this is a bit long but I wanted to give you all the details.
Relevant Comments:
What the hell changed:
Exactly, I don't know how. He never answered my calls for two years and never wanted to see her for 5 years and now out of nowhere he's blowing up my phone demanding a relationship with her and expecting me to just let him in. Thank you for the advice 🙌🏻
Downvoted Comment:
Commenter: I take it that you trust your mother, that she knows everything that happened just as much as you do, that you don't think she has any malice towards you or your daughter.
If that is the case then it should at least give you pause to question why it is she does not agree with you on this matter and you should at least speak to her and ask her what her reasons are.
This has nothing to do with what you think he deserves. This is entirely about would it be beneficial for your daughter to have a positive relationship with her father and to have him as a presence in her life. You have no right to deny that to your child and if he does tell her you are the reason she grew up without a father, that will be 100% the truth.

OOP: My mother hates to see her daughter being a single mom. I'll be honest here. my family felt ashamed to have a pregnant daughter outside of marriage. she not only wants him back in my daughter's life but she also wishes to see us back together. As for his mother. It's HIS mother I don't need to say more.

Update Post: May 13
He didn't stop with the calls and texts and I read some of the comments wondering why he suddenly wants to be in my daughter's life so I agreed to meet up with him and discuss everything yesterday. We talked for about 30 mins. 30 mins of me trying to explain to him that he literally gave up his parental rights years ago and there's no need for threatening since he legally has no right to see her if I don't allow him. While he was focused on expressing how I haven't changed and complimenting my body. His comments became too much so I decided to just leave but I noticed he was wearing a ring on his right hand and didn't hesitate to ask him about it. He said he proposed a few weeks ago but he thinks he rushed things. I asked him if she knows about my daughter and if this is why he's here. He said no she still doesn't know and he genuinely wants to be part of his daughter's life. He basically spent 30 mins flirting with no shame that he's engaged and showed no sign of being genuinely interested in getting involved. I told him to just forget about my daughter but if he wants to we can see a judge and they can laugh at him. He threatened to cut financial support and I made it clear I never really needed his help. Sending me $1000 once or twice a year with his sister was already no help and I can give back his money if he wants to.
Now I know what I did wrong but it was the only way to get the answer I needed. On my way home I called his sister and lied about how things went. I said that he told me everything and how his fiancée encourages him to be a better person and I think that's why he wants in which is a good thing. His sister told me everything I needed to know. How his fiancée has a good heart and how she didn't like it when she discovered that he has a daughter but never saw her before. She basically wouldn't have said yes if he didn't promise to try and fix things. So both his mother and sister knew the reason he wanted to get back into my daughter's life and his mother encouraged me to let him in without even being honest with me.
So all this wasn't about my daughter. It was about him and impressing his fiancée who was horrified that he wants nothing to do with his daughter. My mother gets it now but his mother called the same day asking what's the plan now. I told her there's no plan. He could have just given me full custody but he wanted nothing to do with her to the point he decided to sign away his rights. And he seemed already fine with the relationship they have which is none. She tried to make me consider letting him in because at the end it's my daughter's decision. My daughter is 5 years old what decision?? Anyway I made it clear to her that both her and her daughter legally aren't my child's family and from now on there will be no alone time with her. And if they keep pressing me I can easily cut them out.
I will discuss this with a lawyer though. I have everything documented and I'm sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on but still. Just in case he tries something.
And let me show you some of his texts that I'm very tempted to get his fiancée's number and send her some screenshots. English isn't our first language so I translated them for you
"Who sees you now would never tell you weren't ready for this. you look happier"
"You know I really didn't know how much I missed you until I saw you today"
"Good night beautiful kiss (my daughter's name) for me"
I don't know if I'm just overreacting but if my fiancé texts his ex this way. I for sure won't find it acceptable.
By the way with him back. I realized that I never really dealt with the way he broke my heart. Maybe I cried but I had to figure out my life as soon as I could for the sake of my daughter. When I gave birth all I started thinking about was my daughter. Even the nights I called him it was never to ask about 'me' it was always about 'us'. I was scared and not ready to be a mom. And now that I'm a mother I've never felt this strong. I don't know what I'm trying to say here but I'm glad how my life turned out.
Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I gathered the courage to see him. I feel so much better. At least now I know I don't have to worry about him shaking my baby's life up 🙌🏻🤍🤍
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Im sorry you have to deal with this jerk op. So many people in your og post called it. He’s only interested in your daughter because of his new woman
Honesty block him and go very lc with his family because they are not looking out for your or your daughters best interest

OOP: Thank you. I'm planning to do that but he's still not done with the threats about telling lies to my daughter. I'm trying to gather everything I can before I block him.

Commenter: Ask the sister for the fiancée's number, say he forgot to give it to you.
Something tells me you'll be bonding over his abandoned children in a few years.

OOP: Love the idea🙌🏻 shared trauma makes for great bounding material 😂🙌🏻🤍

​

So my boyfriend 25M and I 22F have been together for almost 4 years now and recently I have felt like he is loosing attraction towards me. I don't know what to do so I'm coming here for advice.
We met on tinder summer 2020, we met just to hook up but continued to hang out and ended up dating after about 1 week or 2. I had to go to another state for college but we continued to be together, I would drive to see him every other week (about a 3 hour drive) and would stay with him. Everything was good and we had intimate time often.
We figured out quite quickly that his love language is quality time and mine was physical touch. He has never been much of a touchy person so that was something I had to get used to.
Fast forward two years we both have graduated and now live together in his hometown. I love it here, our home, our life here. He has a great job that pays great and I am very grateful for him because without him I wouldn't be able to afford this life. I love my job (I am a teacher) but it gets stressful taking care of children all day. He worked very hard to get to were he is now so I am very proud of him for it.
I do most of the cooking, we split the cleaning and chores around the house. Yes we have had some disagreements over the years about things but we have always been able to talk it through and work something out that works for both of us when we have had a long week.
We have very good communication skills in our relationship so I have never felt like I can't talk to him about something that's been bothering me. So when it comes to this I feel like I have tried so much I am just tired of talking and ready for fixing.
About a year ago I caught him talking to another girl, she blew him off but from what I understand (parts were said on Snapchat and the rest were on messenger) he just wanted pictures and she wouldn't send them. I was gone back to my hometown for a week. I called often but he didn't talk much. Hes not much a talker on the phone so I didn't think much of it, so when I got home and I saw the messages (he left his phone open in the bathroom). The next morning I confronted him and he said he was lonely and missed me. I told him that I need to talk to him and even FaceTime but he was always too tired or not in the mood.
It took about a month to get through that but I still feel alarms going off in my head when I see him on his phone late at night or closing out apps when I walk in the room.
I feel like that was the start of me feeling like he was looking interest in me. Sexually anyways. He was always loving it every other way, I felt comforted and cared for which I didn't get while growing up.
For the rest of the year it was good, we went on weekly dates, spent time together talked through emotions when we'd get overwhelmed or was having a hard time mentally because of stress. I love him and I always felt like he loved me.
But we still were not being intimate. When I would try he'd say he was tired from work or just not in the mood. I would try to get him in the mood with massages, dirty talk, foreplay, lingerie etc. But it just didn't do anything. I found a pattern that he'd only be in the mood in the morning on Saturdays or Sundays.
When I would bring it up he'd say he didn't realize that's what he was doing and he was sorry for making me feel like he wasn't attracted and that he loves me very much and he just doesn't have much of a sex drive because of the medication he is taking or work has been a lot. He was also getting his bachelor's online and that was also taking a lot of energy from him. I always understood.
One Friday when I got home I did the cleaning, I cooked and served him before he had his weekly gaming night with his friends I tried to get him in the mood and I was shut down like always. "I'm too tired and I just want to relax and get the game ready for tonight." Is what he said. So I left him alone, I had a good night by myself with dessert some wine and get up the bathroom for a bath.
Before I got in the tub I realized I forgot my robe in our bedroom, so I got on a towel and went over to get it and when I opened the door I found him in bed jerking off to some porn. Which I found out later that he doesn't watch porn on sites he comes on Reddit.
"I'm sorry, I forgot my robe!" I blurted out after I stood in the door a second stunned because I have never walked in on him before. I hurried and got my robe before sprinting out the door back into the bathroom. I heard him yell I love you and something else but I shut the door before I heard.
At first I laughed because it's embarrassing to be caught and it was just funny to be honest. Then I started crying, I felt like I hadn't cried in so long from how hard I cried. It hurt. To only be touched, kissed more than just a peck, once a month. It hurt more than I realized.
I understand that its easier to just take care of it yourself, I'm no one to judge, you know yourself best and there is no shame in that. And sometimes yes sex can take a lot of energy. But to be shut down every time, it wasn't like I was asking all the time like I'm a horndog, it fucking hurt.
After a few hours in the bathroom I finally went to bed and he was sound asleep. I felt like I was being dramatic, like I was crazy and I needed to get over myself.
The next day I explained how I have been feeling. How it feels like I'm just someone that comes home and cooks, takes care of things and then we sleep in the same bed.
He said he didn't notice this and thought everything was going good. I have brought up how little we have sex before and it was always the same answer. I told him that yes everything has been good, but I just don't feel like your attracted to me anymore, how we used to have sex weekly, more than once a week. After that we had more conversations and had intimate times more but still limited, I took what I could get.
It was still only when he'd be in the mood but still I felt like it had to have something else to get in the mood, like he'd only be ready after being on his phone or if his office/bathroom for a while. Or right when he'd come home from work. I still felt like I couldn't get him in the mood.
Lately at night he has been going out to the living room before bed saying he was too hot in the room, which I understood because he gets hot easy and I get cold so I always have multiple blankets. We sleep with separate blankets for that reason, which other people said is weird for a couple but I'm fine with it as long as I get my blankets.
As more of a joke I asked him if he goes to the couch to jerk off and then come back to bed. He said yes sometime. Which again hurt. I'm right here! What do I have to do to get some dick! He said he didn't want to lie and say no but he also didn't want to hurt my feelings.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I just want him to look at ME and see something he wants. I want him to want me. I want him to see me and think how sexy I am and want me. Am I not good enough? Do I gross him out? Have a done something to make him not want that from me? I am chubby, but he said he likes chubby girls and I never felt insecure about it till all this...What do I do?

Just a brief introduction before we get into the dream. I am 17(m) and I regularly have extremely vivid dreams where I'm fully engrossed and believe 100% that what I'm experiencing is reality and not a dream. I wake up daily either sad or relieved that what I had experienced in the night wasn't reality. As you can imagine this makes dreams either blissful or horrifying, depending on the contents. Another thing to note is that this is probably the third dream I've had where someone has been trying to eat me.
So basically the first thing I can remember in the dream was that I was with 2 of my buddies and we were riding Hogs (Yes, large pigs) down the highway at 120 mph+. Extremely fun and exhilarating as we passed by car after car at extremely high speeds. After a while, we take a turn to the left and start taking a trail through the most beautiful valley. The sun is shining down with a yellowy and orangish tint. The grass around me is swaying in the wind all across these countless hills. Truly one of the most beautiful scenes of nature I've ever seen, I couldn't have predicted what would happen next. We eventually come across a small town with a tavern and a bunch of people sitting, drinking, and watching something happen in a pit. I forget what was going on inside the pit but I don't recall it being anything bad, a soccer match perhaps? (That's what my mind is leaning towards anyway). Overtime me and 1 buddy of mine get to know the people of the town a bit better and the town leader (I wouldn't call him the mayor, he was more of just a leading figure in their community than a mayor, but I'll call him that anyway for convenience). (Something to note is that the mayor is a tall and strong man, probably about 7 feet tall and heavy, I couldn't tell you how heavy tho) The mayor was extremely hospitable to us and even showed us a place to stay with another person who also seemed to be traveling along and staying for a while. (I don't know exactly where my third friend went, however, I'm quite certain he stayed on the road and continued towards our original direction). The traveler (As I'll call him) was around 6ft 70kg and black in skin color. He was a kind, quiet fellow. However, he didn't really wanna make too much eye contact with me (which will make sense later on). I didn't think too much of it at the time. The day passes by without much else happening and I fall asleep in the same room as the traveler with my friend there alongside me, and we wake up in the morning. The next morning we are sitting at the bar when all of a sudden the mayor walks out of the back and right past me with two rather fancy antique cheese knives in each hand. I could feel the dread build up inside me for a split second. (I thought he was coming to kill me) I quickly become slightly relieved after he walks straight past me, however, that was short-lived as he shouts something to someone else and sticks him with both knives right in the chest. It was horrifying to witness the breath and life get sucked out of that man right before my very eyes, it was so real. There was also a sound effect of a deep "bumm" sound the second he stabbed him, only adding to the severity of the moment. I was about to start fighting the mayor but before I did, I realized everyone in the town was on his side. They started chanting and all looked at me and my friend as though they were going to kill us next. It was at this moment I realized all these people were cannibals luring victims into their town to kill and eat. I instantly became disgusted as I had eaten some of their meat the prior day. I was scared and began to run, however I didn't get far before eventually being taken down and captured. (This was the last thing I remember before being ported back at the start of when I first came across the town). I had died but it was as though I was given a second chance to try and survive this encounter (This had never happened to me in a dream before, I had never died in any of the dreams leading up to this point). I walked through the town and into the tavern keeping a cool face despite knowing full well what was going to happen the following day. I got back to the part where the mayor introduced me to the traveler, I looked at him with disdain as I realized he had sided with the cannibals. This is why he couldn't look me in the eyes, he was too ashamed of the fact he knew what would happen to us. I'm dreading going to sleep in this tavern as I know that these people are trying to eat me ("What if they get me in my sleep" is what I was thinking at the time). To my surprise the event didn't wait for the next day this time, it was happening now, just as I had sat down at the bar. I watched the mayor rush past me again and try to stab the same man. I caught on faster this time and stopped him. This time I was ready to fight back properly. To my surprise, the traveler stood up and helped me and my friend, however, the sheer number of the people was too much and they took him down. I was with my friend and while they were jumping the traveler we ran. I'm sorry, I knew we couldn't win, so we ran. I'm sorry. Eventually, the mayor catches up to us and we have a little scuffle, I throw a pizza box clumsily at his face as I scramble to put anything between me and the two knives. Eventually, I make it outside the tavern however the scenery is different. Now I'm in the driveway of a house inside a large neighborhood. The neighborhood was upper-class with beautiful trees and trimmed hedges. I stopped worrying about the cannibals as I heard voices in the distance shouting at me. I was instantly relieved as I soon saw who was coming, it was simply a gang of teens looking to fight, this put me at ease knowing I wasn't facing a 7-foot man armed with knives and his entire town but instead a gang of teens riding bicycles. For some reason I knew where these kids were from, I recognized their voices, and I knew what school they went to despite them wearing disguises. I walked up to the first guy and drop-kicked his hip which sent him to the ground, I shouted for the others to come fight but they ran away. I shouted back at them saying how I knew who their teacher was and shouted a name back at them (I forget the name). All of a sudden I'm no longer in the driveway but instead lying down staring at a large TV out in the open air. The TV had Wallpaper engine on it with all of my wallpapers, I remember a specific one which was Ornstein from DS1, if you know who that is. Alongside me was no longer my friend, but my youngest sister. She was whispering something in my ear as a song played loudly in the other. I wish I could remember what she was trying to tell me as maybe it was the answer as to why I was having this dream. I woke up shortly after with a depressed and horrified, yet relieved feeling as I realized that dream wasn't reality.
The wallpaper I remember seeing
https://preview.redd.it/9g51ro29di1d1.png?width=259&format=png&auto=webp&s=33840eedbf13dbb2e00274c0c66a3a89d2e53e36
This was the song I was hearing loudly in my other ear 11:15-11:47 https://youtu.be/rbw_n0LWpfo
The weird thing is I haven't listened to this song in about a year. I dont know why I was hearing it so vividly.
I guess I made this post because I just want to know why I'm having these dreams. I have a few guesses but I'm curious what you guys might have to say.

Hello! I am 20 years old. I don't live with my parents but my parents pay my rent. So still incredibly financially dependent. They also pay for my college and give me allowances for grocery's and things. In fact, I use that allowance to pay for doctor's visit's and my testosterone.
I have a website, a blog I created, to post poems and other personal writings. I made it in highnschool and would share it with close friends. I shared it with my mom. She ended up turning on post notifications so that whenever I post a new entry she would be updated. It was sweet, knowing she wanted to know how I felt about things... In that way.
Then today. She often accidentally genders me correctly. (I have a brother) So I say "He is fine." Almost like i'm warming her up to the idea haha...
I've come out to my family as nonbinary when I was around 16. My mom said she would never call me He.
So today when I said "He is fine." She said "can you stop saying that. I did not give birth to a he, I am not calling you that."
I fought back only slightly. I wasn't planning on nor prepared to come out to her in that moment.
My original plan was to take testosterone and until she started asking questions, say nothing. And when she did start asking questions I planned to answer them truthfully. As by that time the changes would had already really began to take effect.
All that to say, after the incident today. I went to my blog. I wrote something. Titled "You hate me. I know you hate me. You'll hate me once you find out what I've done."
Pretty dramatic lol I know but that's the whole point. I made a space for myself to express myself however I felt necessary. I mention the exact incident (meaning she knows I'm talking about her). One of the lines are "Today I thought I should never tell you. That I practiced voice training instead and just went to the gym a bunch. That will be easier for you. You'll hate me less."
I hit publish. Feeling relieved to have gotten these negative thoughts and emotion's off my chest. As well as honestly rethinking my speak until spoken to policy. Thinking, maybe I should lie for as long as I can.
Then later today I got a notification. Someone was on my website, reading that post. I knew, I instantly remembered. She gets notifications for when I post. I try to quickly delete and block her member profile. Trying to kick her from viewing it. Nothing works. I had set it up a while back so you put in a password before entering the site after a fall out with someone who had access to it, but I guess fot previous members it bypasses that.
Then I heard her walking up the stairs. I knew.
She comes in and closes the door, she never does that, and sit's on my bed. (I'm home for summer)
She tells me that she saw my post and asks if I think that she hates me. I say no, its nuance and that I forgot she got notifications for that. That she wasn't supposed to see it. It's not enough for her. She ask's what I did. I hesitate. I say "I came out as nonbinary before and (don't remember likely giberish) that's what I did is be who I am." I didn't know what to say. I'm not a good liar.
I have only been on testosterone for 5 weeks. I have got to therapy for a couple months discussing my gender and whether or not I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I have been contemplating it however, for around a year before starting therapy. I did this all by myself. I decided to tell my brother (37) after going to my consultation. He had his own reservations but he told me he loved me no matter what. He still misgenders me but his hearts in the right place and right now i'll take what I can get. My dad is the quiet type. He doesn't hold a lot of power in our household and is likely quiet because of it. I know i can't rely on him for any impactful support. I also have no idea whether there would be any.
I thought about calling my brother after it happened but he is ignorant on the matter. I don't know the lengths he would go to protect me. I am unsure and that scares me. I don't have any trans friends on HRT who could advise me.
I remember at my consultation my doctor expressed real concern for whether I had a supportive family unit or not. I told him I don't think my mother would could me off or disown me (she's the breadwinner) but thats when I was under the impression that I would have full control over when and how I would tell her.
Now. I am feeling that fear a bit stronger. I am gunning for my PHD in psychology. I live in an apartment near campus. I am extremely privileged. Although, my relationship with my immediate family is extremely dysfunctional it works.
Based off what she read the likely hood is at the very least she has an inkling that I am on T. I ended the conversation by saying I wasn't ready to have this conversation right now and she wasn't meant to read that. I asked her to turn the notifications off :P (stupid, I just didn't know what to do or say).
I drafted the post and made a new website moving everything on to there. I decided I will no longer share that website with anyone. It's for my eyes only. Until I can be sure someone deserves to gain access to its contents.
Anyway, any advice on how I should handle this? Right now we are both leaving to go on separate vacations. So I will be taking my medicine with me and I won't have to worry about her possibly snooping through my things to find out if I am or not. I will likely need to hide my T when I come back. I don't think telling her now is a good idea. I have a therapy appointment next tuesday so I will also ask my therapist for advice. Support or encouragement is also welcome :)

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still . She posted in and .
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)

OOP: I really do think this is over. My fiancé's parents don't know when or where we're getting married, so I'm not worried about them showing up. They haven't reached out to us in months, and we have no interest in contacting them.