Birthday message boyfriend

I might called racist for this but anyways. I really wanna know if I am in the wrong. I understand I might have hurt my friend but I think I did right thing by alerting her. So I 22 F and my friend 22 F let's call her Tomato and her boyfriend 29M let's call him Apple. And there's one more person who plays a part here , a 24-M, who was a mutual friend but i didn't knew and he kept me in dark,so let's call him Snake. Story starts this way, 7 months back in November, we girl group including Tomato had a plan of a trip. She said that her friend group also wanna join us. And it'll be great help for us since we're only females and a long journey , my guy friends can help us, precisely Apple's friend group. By that time I was unaware of their relationship. I took it as normal friend group. So before the trip we sat for a meeting as for duties of everyone. We were talking good. Suddenly, Tomatoes friend Apple starts controlling her and decides everything for her. She can't dance, she has to be with him, she can't be with us. And blah blah all that shit. He also pointed his finger and talked rudely with one of our another friend. It pissed me off. And something that pissed me more was that tomato wasn't talking our side . Since she was the one who introduced us and she let him control her. In my eyes it was shit, why a random friend is controlling her. She can't decide on her own. Why is she not saying anything while he's raising his finger at us. And many things . I held my friends hand and took her out and in a text message with 3 of us as members. Tomato, me and other friend . I said , how dare he make a decision for you? Why didn't you said anything? Are you blind or deaf? He acts like lower caste people who are illiterate and tries to control their women's. Are you his woman or what? She said that he's her boyfriend than . And let me make something clear here, I didn't knew he really was a lower caste , I was just telling her, he was behaving that way. But she got angry at me as I insulted her boyfriend. But in my eyes he is a piece of shit.
So, I came home and my sister knew about the incident, she is younger than me. when I told her this happened today, i didn't knew he was her boyfriend and a lower caste too. I didn't mean it but I said it anyways. She asked me to show her the picture of Apple. I showed it to her and she gasped . She said this guy is too jerk. He was a teacher in her school previously and was suspended because he was a horrible teacher. He was suspended from almost 3 school and he can't teach now in any school because of his horrible nature. His family is also same. They want woman of their family to be under their feet. They would allow a intercaste marriage anyways. I gasped . I was more worried for her. But I didn't said anything after that since he felt bad.
Now, after 7 months, I fucked it. I made a new friend atleast I considered close friend, the snake🐍. I should make this clear since it matters. So one day I was talking about fund raising with him. And in the flow of conversation I got flown away in emotions and started sharing my frustrations to him . Before sharing frustration about my girls group organisation I asked him if he's friend with anyone here . Since if he is I don't wanna talk about anyone , I'll only continue sharing if he doesn't. He assured me he doesn't know anyone from our organisation and I can easily share with him . So I shared every concern I had , including concern regarding my friend Tomato. I know I shouldn't have talked about third person with him. But trust me on this i didn't said anything more .I just said "although we are in modern age and society but people from our place will make it harder for her to marry him. since she's the top upper class and only daughter of her parents. I'm worried if she won't be able to make it happen.Intercaste Marriage is hard. On top of that he's too controlling idk what did she liked about him". This much. Actually I don't have any problem with his caste, if he's ugly or beautiful or anything. I am just worried because he's not good human. Too much ruly and all. So apparently that snake is apple's friend and he didn't tell me and kept listening and told him everything I said.
Than that apple said it to my friend Tomato and she got mad and called me out in the group chat. Since according to her, I told about her to the world so she should disgrace me in the group chat. While I haven't told anyone except for that snake.
We had arguments. At the end of argument I came to know it was snake who sold me off. I felt betrayed but I understand how she felt so I apologised anyways in the group chat. But what about me? Why did he did that to me ? Was I wrong and a bad person?
I can't seem to understand anything. Ask me anything or any extra info you want on this. So am I the asshole?

Hi Reddit. I am in desperate need of advice.
I (30f) have been dating my partner (30m) for 12 years. We occasionally open our relationship for short periods of time (eg one night, a weekend, or the period of time one of us is travelling overseas without the other).
I am currently on a trip to another country and my partner and I are in an open relationship for the period of time that I’m away (2 weeks).
While in this foreign country, I met “Ben” (30m) after both of our travel plans went awry one day and we wound up spending the day together. His English is not the best, and I don’t speak any of his language, but we muddled through (with some help from google translate) and had a fun day together.
The subject of relationships never came up - he didn’t ask about my relationship status and I didn’t offer it.
We ended up going out to dinner in the evening and on the walk back to my hotel Ben kissed me. At that point, I didn’t want to kill the mood by bringing up my boyfriend back home and trying to explain our time dependent open relationship via google translate. Ben and I had sex that night. The next day we were both travelling to different cities and I didn’t expect to ever see him again.
However, a few days later, in a different city, I walked into a restaurant looking for a late night meal after a long day travelling and I ran into Ben again, completely by chance. We slept together again that night and then spent much of the next few days together (both alone and also occasionally with some other people we met while travelling).
When we said goodbye earlier today (as I was leaving for the next part of my trip), Ben started to get teary and suggested he might travel to my home country to visit me, and said we should call each other every day to stay in touch.
Up to this point, Ben and I hadn’t discussed “the future” at all (it was just a holiday fling for me) and I still hadn’t told Ben about my relationship status. I know I fucked up majorly here. By the time I realised Ben had developed deeper feelings for me than I had expected, it was our last night together and, again, I didn’t want to ruin the mood by telling him the woman he thought he was falling in love with was actually in a long term, committed relationship (albeit without there being any “cheating” involved).
I have no idea how Ben would feel about having slept with someone in an open relationship and I feel really guilty for not having said something up front when (or before) he first kissed me, or even when we ran into each other again a few days later. If I had done so, he would have gone into this with his eyes wide open (or could have chosen not to) and it might have prevented him from developing such strong feelings for me over the time we spent together.
Unfortunately, I didn’t tell him, and now I’m in a predicament. After spending so much time with Ben, I care about him, and I want to minimize the pain I cause him in trying to fix this messy situation I’ve created. When I return to my home country I can message Ben as a friend (without violating the bounds of my relationship with my partner) but I definitely can’t and won’t be able to meet Ben’s expectations of frequent texts, longs calls, and sexy video chats. I also think I should give Ben the chance to move on rather than him continuing to hope for something more/ongoing. I also wouldn’t want Ben to book flights to my home country expecting to spend more romantic time with me.
I love my partner and plan to spend the rest of my life with him. The terms we’ve set for our relationship will prevent me from being romantic with Ben in any way once I finish this trip (unless Ben and I happen to be in the same city again next time my partner and I open our relationship, which could be a year or more away, and wouldn’t involve me speaking with Ben romantically in the interim).
I fully expect to be roasted for my shitty choices up to now (I truly feel terrible and I know I’ve not handled this well) but I’m also hopeful I might get some fresh perspectives and suggestions as to:

1. Whether I should tell Ben about my relationship status now (over the phone/via message given we are no longer in the same city); and
   
2. Assuming I do tell Ben (telling him is my strong inclination/preference unless the majority says otherwise), how should I go about breaking the news? What should I say to minimize the pain I cause him?
   

Any and all help will be greatly appreciated! I’m really struggling to come to terms with hurting Ben, though it seems inevitable at this point.

2 years ago I (15M at the time) met a girl at school (16F at the time), and I've liked her since then. I'm a Filipino and she's half-fil, half-brit and I was decent with english so she was pretty comfortable speaking with me. We spoke a lot through Facebook - mostly about schoolwork and such. But there were times that the messages were getting a bit flirty. One day, while walking home together from a party, she suddenly asks me who I liked. Naturally, I felt extremely nervous because I am very introverted. But I answered honestly, and she asked with "Why?" and I at the spurr of the moment stupidly answered "Why not?" I've no idea what else I could have answered and I still regret not giving her a proper answer to this day.
Fast forward maybe a few months. We were talking a whole lot more, and I for the first time in my life, asked someone to be my girlfriend. But I think I misunderstood her at that time. I don't want to make it sound like she's a bad person or what - she's an amazing person - but a month later when I was messaging her, I mentioned that I was teased by my peers that I had a girlfriend or something. Then the next thing she said was "You do?" The next messages from that were truly heart breaking for me, but I tried to play off my feelings by joking around but I could tell that she felt really really bad for that.
After that, we managed to have the same kind of relationship as before. Although, not talking often as before, but we did.
Then a story went by, and I find out that only about three months before that she broke up witb her now ex. Then a few days later she suddenly stopped speaking to me, no messages, nothing. I tried again and again to speak to her. Even my close friend (her best friend) wanted to help me but she couldn't.
Fast forward maybe two weeks. She finally spoke to me again. She said that her family had some problems and that she had needed time for herself. And that she also felt guilty and ashamed of what happened (in the second paragraph). I told her it was fine and that I don't blame her for anything at all.
Just a few months left before school was over, I asked her out again. She said no. She told me she was focusing school for now and that she was still healing from breakup. So I tried again after school was over, no again but this time I told her I'd wait, and she agreed to that. We now go to separate school but I still help her out with her homework and such. Then we suddenly stopped speaking to eachother. I think mostly because of not being able to see eachother and not going to the same school.
Fast forward 1 year, she invited me to her 18th birthday. Along with the same best friend who tried to help me and some other close friends we had before. She told us she'd pick us up and on our way to her house, her best friend flat out asked her if she had moved on from her breakup, she said yes. And during the same ride, all I could do was smile while avoiding her gaze. And now, a few weeks later, I am now contemplating whether I should ask her out again. If so, how should I go about it? I have zero experience with dates and as I mentioned earlier I am very introverted while she is, as she says, omniverted. I apologize for the life story, but I seriously need advice on this. It feels like it'd be the death of me if I don't at least talk to her about it.

So basically I (20F) am going through something very stressful and painful. I feel like I'm at rock bottom, and everything is just so hard right now. Earlier today I was having a mental breakdown and I couldn’t fall asleep so my boyfriend (24M) called me and we spoke for a bit and that really helped me later on that call he reminded me how I mentioned a few photos I took for him but never sent him so I sent like 3 of them and afterward he had to go and he texted me to send him the rest as well but when he ended the call, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw the texts but I had just woken up and didn’t exactly feel like sending the rest of the nudes at that moment.
When we started talking, he was acting kind of off. Upon asking him, he told me he felt hurt because I didn’t send the nudes he was waiting for after our call. He mentioned that he had been waiting for an hour and had texted me, which made him feel like he was begging. I tried to explain that I had fallen asleep and didn’t see his message. When I woke up, I didn’t feel like sending anything right away. I wanted us to talk normally for a bit before sending anything, but he kept insisting that I didn't care about him or his feelings, and how much it hurt him.
I've been feeling really sad because, for the past 3 months, my partner hasn't initiated any intimacy. I've tried talking to him about how much it hurts me and makes me feel unwanted, but every time he just gives me excuses and promises to work on it without actually doing anything. There have even been times when he got angry at me for bringing up the issue. I eventually stopped talking about it, but last week he finally initiated intimacy again. What's really unfair is that when he wasn't initiating intimacy and I was literally crying and begging him to initiate something, he would completely disregard my feelings but when it came to him, he made a point out of it. Its not even like I rejected him, I just didn't send him enough snaps, that's all. he got mad at me for not sending him enough snaps, even though he knows I'm struggling mentally. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is my fault or if I messed up. He is not talking to me anymore, he left me on seen and isn't even responding anymore. Im already going through a lot and partners are meant to be there for you and give support instead of adding more stress. I try my best to be there for him when he’s going through things and I just feel so hurt rn. I just think that if only I had sent snaps before sleeping, this wouldn’t happen, so AITA?

i sold a tv in great working condition that was tested 3 times before being given and paid for by the dude. he was at the hospital and his nephew did the talking whilst the guy was on facetime on the phone. i had recorded the tv before being brought to him in working condition that was sent in the chat. when i arrived to the agreed upon location, he proceeds to ask me if he can test it in the front of building where there is a outlet. we did so and it worked. he still asks to see if it works in his apartment which i was hesitant in doing being a girl and by myself. once connected inside his apartment i showed him on FaceTime it being connected to his ps5 and the audio, visuals, and everything working. that was set. he sent me the money and i was on my way out. two days later he proceeds to message me stating the tv wont turn on. when asked what changed he said nothing. he woke up and it doesnt work. i asked he would send pictures for proof and he sent videos. we tried everything in the manual and it still wont work. it wont turn on at all. i prefer to send him half of the paid amount but my boyfriend states its the concept of giving him it in working condition and it breaking on his own behalf. i can somewhat agree as it was tested x3 and we had never had any issues with the tv over years of ownership never once, but i feel for the guy and i dont think hes on funny business. what do you guys think, should we give half or let it be as is?

Burner account for obvious reasons.
My girlfriend and I were friends for years all through high school, but we only started dating in our final year. We’ve been together for about 20 months, and in that time, not much has happened to progress the relationship. She was always super busy with work and clubs outside of school, and her parents didn’t really like me, so we didn’t get to see each other much. Now that we’re free to do what we like, we still don’t make that much time for each other. I’ve also noticed a persistent lack of intimacy, which has only been made worse after we moved away to different cities for University. Going into the relationship, she said that she didn’t want to do anything super physically intimate in terms to begin with due to trauma, and I respected that. We still hugged and held hands and found ways to be intimate, but I guess I always expected we’d work our way up to something more. Now that it still hasn’t, I feel a bit empty and dissatisfied. It still just feels like we’re friends, and never moved past that.
My girlfriend also has a hard time opening up to me or talking about serious or emotional topics (due to the trauma), despite me reassuring that I’m open to listening to and actively encourage talking about our feelings. This further adds to the feeling that we’re not really a couple, just two friends who play video games or hang out from time to time and flirt over text messages. It feels hollow. I don’t know where I stand, and every time I’ve tried to talk to her about this it’s very hard because of her deflecting the conversation or the relationship not changing in any way.
I’m not going to say that I’ve been the perfect boyfriend either. I believe I went into this relationship too soon after a really abusive and manipulative relationship that significantly scarred me. I carried that baggage into this relationship, which caused me to be somewhat hesitant and on edge when being around or even thinking about her, despite her being the complete opposite of my ex. I’m pretty non-confrontational and basically willing to let all of this happen, but it’s eating me up inside and I know something has to change.
She’s a great person and really fun to spend time with, but it’s just not working as a romantic relationship. For all these reasons, I almost feel like breaking up with her, but I still love her and think I want to be with her, even just as friends. What would my next best step be? Do I break up, or keep going? How do I talk to her about these feelings?
TL;DR: my romantic relationship with my girlfriend of 20 months doesn’t feel much more than friends, even after the time we’ve spent together. Now that we’re long distance the problems have only gotten worse, but I still love her and don’t want to lose her. What do I do next?

Hi everyone,
I’m struggling with some issues involving my dad and reaching out to get some opinions to see if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid.
I am 30, married to a wonderful husband, and have two beautiful daughters.
Main Issue:
Lately, a few things have been happening with my dad (52) that’s been bringing up some old feelings.
For some background, my parents divorced when I was 3. I don’t know why as neither of them can't agree on the reason. Their relationship was VERY toxic. From 3 to 7, I lived with my grandparents, who I fully believe were my saving grace.
My mom, while not faultless, became my sole provider. My dad never paid consistent child support. I knew when he paid because we had takeout that night or my mom bought me ice cream.
I went to a child psychologist from the age of 6 to 8. During this time, I had no contact with my dad, except for when he kidnapped me. I don’t remember much about it, but I recall the cops escorting my mom to fetch me. He never even phoned me for my birthday; I vividly remember running to my mom’s phone every time it rang, hoping it was him.
After 8, I started visiting my dad. Some of my best memories are from that time, but so is one of my worst. I had many cousins, which was great since I was an only child.
I lived with my dad for a year when I was 9. He never attended anything while I was at school. My stepmom went to my parent’s evening, and he didn’t even attend my netball games, leading me to quit not long after.
From 10 to 14, I lived with my mom again. She had remarried when I was 8, and my stepdad was great (his family not so much, but that's another story).
During those four years, I did ballroom dancing, cross country, and drama, and participated in entrepreneur's days and sports days. At that time, my dad only ever came to one of my dance exams, which just so happened to be my last exam when I was 13, as my mom couldn’t afford to pay anymore.
For the last two years of high school, I lived with my dad again. By then, I was over taking part in anything. I think my dad came to parent’s evenings, but I wasn’t paying much attention.
I didn’t even get new school uniforms; we got mine from a clothing bank at school, meaning they were 3rd or 4th hand, sold by the school at a discounted rate. At least I got new school shoes.
After school, I wanted to study teaching. I didn’t complete my course because we found out the institution I was studying at was not accredited. When my mom took me to a different institution, they discovered there was no more money in my study policy. My dad had access to my policy; my mom didn’t. For reference, the cheapest price last time I checked was R90,000 per year.
Now, I’m stuck in a profession I didn’t choose, earning just enough to make ends meet. I have asked for help to pay for other studies and get shut down every time.
This brings me to now. My family and I live 3 hours away from my dad. I’ve lived here for 10 years (since 2014). The first time my dad visited me was in 2016 for my firstborn’s funeral. Then he came in 2017 for my wedding, for my second born’s birth in 2018, and the first actual visit was in 2022, staying the weekend. He came early last year (2023) while I was pregnant, for my youngest’s birth in March 2023, and for my birthday in October 2023. So, in 10 years, he has visited me 7 times. Just for clarity, in those 10 years, we have visited him multiple times a year, even with little to no money.
We don’t talk unless I phone or message him. My secondborn is turning 6, and he has not been to one of her birthdays. NOT ONE.
My youngest’s birthday was on the 21st of March, the day after the school holidays started. He was supposed to attend. I cleared it with them months beforehand; he was supposed to fetch my secondborn for the weeklong school holiday. I had been telling her she was going, getting her all excited, and then he cancelled a week before he was supposed to come. After all the arrangements were made, my child was excited to go. But the cherry on the cake? They never miss my stepmom’s grandkids’ birthdays (she has 6). Yes, they stay closer than I do, but I see this as a sucky excuse. It’s his grandkids' birthdays he is missing; they only turn that age once.
When it comes to my stepbrothers, who are about 10 years older than me, he always has time. He sees them regularly and can tell the whole world how good they are doing, but when it comes to me, he can’t answer.
I decided a few months ago that if he can’t contact me, I won’t contact him. Am I wrong?
I’ve been sitting since March stewing in my own bitterness.
I see my childhood repeating itself with my kids. I just want to know if I am nuts for feeling angry, bitter, jealous, or whatever. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel.
Seeking Advice:
Am I expecting too much from him, or is this something others would find problematic too? I’d really appreciate any advice or perspectives you can share. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I am turning 18 in tomorrow , and I feel lonely. I don't think anyone beside my family knows about my birthday . I am a math guy, I self study math . I also solve rubic cubes! Message me if u want :)

Hii
I don’t feel like I can talk enough about us to my friends without them getting bored or annoyed at me so i guess im going to talk about it here. Also excuse my English grammar, English is not my first language :)
A year ago in June our school held “ sport days” where we play different games and sports to compete with each other, that’s where i saw him for the first time. He was playing volleyball with his friend and one of my friends who had a big crush on him. She told me lots about him and I started to catch my eye on him too. I felt bad and kept quiet for like 5 months until I just went for it one day.
In the beginning of November i started to talk to him and it all went well, he came over a few weeks later to “ help me with maths” but really we just talked to each other. After that we went on walks ( that’s what i liked to do and he offered to tag along ) and I remember that there was a moment where we stood in a grocery store and he turned about and looked at me with the prettiest smile. After the new years in February the 16th had we our first kiss, it was awkward and my braces touched his lips ( lol ). Around that time to about March we flirted a whole lot more than we did before and it had like an adrenaline rush to it so it was all very fun. But later on we started talking more serious and that led to more and more arguments.
He told me that i was catfish and that i didnt want to do anything with him ,while i was offering to do stuff with him. And when i told him that i didnt feel like we was going to work he switched up and told me that it wasn’t my fault and that im still the girl he fell in love with. This would go on the whole month of may and by each day passing he just got less and less interested in me. While we was hanging out he texted a girl and when i asked about her he lied and told me that they dated a long time ago ( not long ago at all ). All trough this I decided to make a list of his pros and cons ( very childish i know ) but the stuff on there where stuff like he pressed down on my bruises and wanted to weigh me so i had to know . He had 5 pros and 41 cons. I decided to show him the list because he thought that i didnt share my feeling with him enough and when i did show him he got very sad ( understandable ).
I feel like this was our downfall because he started to push me away and i got mad at him and told him off over text meanwhile also telling him that im sorry because I understand his pov to a certain point. Forward to yesterday where i was talking to some of my friends on the phone and told them a bit about the situation. They said that he was abusive. I was also texting him because we were supposed to meet up to talk but he canceled last minute to Hang out with his friend instead. I got really pissed and argued with him and he just brushed me off basically. That’s where he threatened that we weren’t going to get back together ( we have broken up with each other before ,I forgot to mention that)
I sent him a goodbye text over a burner account on snap i made because he removed me everywhere and apologized for not being enough for him and that i loved him. When i woke up he screenshotted the message and removed me.
Now i just miss my boyfriend from February :( He has seen my body and I don’t want someone else to see it . The thought of an another girl smelling him , kissing him and getting to feel his touch the way i did makes me want to cry and vomit on the floor.
How do i get over this ? How much is my fault? Can i fix this?

Hey there! I need some advice or just an outside perspective. My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago, but we haven't completely cut off contact. We still text occasionally about random stuff, like how we’re doing and what's new in our lives. He always told me that I could share my feelings with him and to text him if I needed to talk about my emotions.
So, recently I did just that—I texted him about how I've been feeling since the breakup. His response was something like, "Well yeah, of course, we only broke up a couple of weeks ago, but feel free to text be about your feelings" After that, I felt really weird. It’s like I was talking to a wall. I guess I was expecting some kind of conversation or discussion, but I got a short reply instead. And then he didn’t even read my follow-up messages.
WTF? Am I overthinking this, or is it normal to feel this way? Should I just stop reaching out to him about my feelings? Any thoughts or advice would be helpful

Little things cannot and do not mess up people. Noone gets to be a serial / mass killer because their favorite cake wasn't delevered right on their 4th birthday!
This man was deeply involved in Satanism during his killing spree, he was hypersexual and scared all prospective boyfriends away, largely because of this, he hated other men & the world in general, often feeling powerless & controlled, he also had plenty of opportunity, brought on by his looks & chosen lifestyle.

hey i’ve been dealing with this for some time and my “friends” make me feel like shit about how i feel so i’m turning to reddit.
during quarantine, i was on the app called yubo, which is essentially like tinder for teens. it’s not marketed that way, but that’s what it is. i matched with a bunch of douches, but one guy in particular stood out to me. i was pretty dry at first and he said, “stop being dry.” this changed the entire dynamic of our conversation because for once a guy was the one putting in the effort to talk. this was on february 4, 2021 btw. that same night we exchanged phone numbers.
we would talk everyday and ft all the time. i became more and more comfortable with him and started developing feelings. let’s call him rob. i was fifteen and he was seventeen. (please don’t say the age gap is weird). two weeks later we end up meeting and becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. this was the happiest time in quarantine for me. i was with a guy who was really sweet and treated me well. this first part of our long on and off relationship lasted three months . once it became may, he started to question our age gap. he would say things like was it bad that he was pretty much two years older than me (his birthday is at the end of the year and he was only one grade above me.)
i didn’t find it weird and neither did my friends or even some older people i asked. this is initially what caused us to break up the first time. i didn’t care at first because he was just another guy who wasn’t really into me in my mind. i remember that summer i talked about him a lot to these people i had just met. he was even the inspiration for a character in a script i wrote. i couldn’t take us not talking, so i messaged him. he said that he missed me too, but we should probably wait to date. i was just happy that he was there still.
we wouldn’t talk as much as we used to but still communicated. it wasn’t until late november of that year where i realized i really love him. at this point, i was sixteen and i’ve never said i love you and meant to anyone but him. i told him and he said he felt the same way. i wanted to see him since we hadn’t seen each other since may atp. we decided to hang out at his house which was like an hour and change away from my house. the day was december 11th. that was the day he became my first. (put two and two together)
i remember feeling like at that point we were dating even though he never explicitly asked me out. i even asked him why he never asked and he expressed that we both knew we were dating so what’s the point in asking. i was sixteen so who was i to question it. we stayed together for a year almost. there were many arguments that were over petty things. i’ll list some: - me making male friends - a post on my spam page from 2020 - feeling like he didn’t really want me
tbh i’m not really in a thinking mood, but just a bunch of stupid things. i’ll admit he was on to something with the male friends because one of the friends i made “behind his back” would overtly sexualize me even tho he knew i had a boyfriend. anyways, we broke up over an argument over thanksgiving.
for context, i don’t have a great relationship with adults at my life (i am an adult rn and this is still the same). i have never met even my friends parents because i’m really awkward around parents because i don’t know what to say and don’t want to make a bad impression. another thing to keep in mind is that at this time, both of my parents were HORRIBLE to me.
i proposed the idea of meeting his mom and at first he wasn’t really into it, but eventually was for it. i was excited and wasn’t being realistic because one, i’m terrible at talking to adults. two, i said i would stay the night knowing that wasn’t very likely. my parents had no knowledge of him or the fact i had a boyfriend. they were not going to let me spend the night there. plus i never slept over at someone’s house. i started to back out of the idea because he was saying that if i don’t spend the night, there’s no point in going through with meeting her. the argument ended with me being left on read and us not talking until february of 2023. mind you this took place november 15th, 2022.
when we started talking again, i initiated it of course. i remember him saying that if i had texted the next day, he would’ve replied. anyways, i was a senior in high school at this point and already did my college applications. he stayed home for college and told me if i went away for college we wouldn’t stay together. i never took him seriously about that and didn’t really care because i didn’t think it would matter to me. we started talking again and even seeing each other again. the last time we saw each other was april 21, 2023. i accepted an offer to go to school an hour away and he was like if you stay here (as in home) for college we would get back together. at this point he had truly changed. he was nicer and more mature. in his bed, i accepted an offer to a school that was closer. i was very adamant on going there. until one day in may, he just stopped taking to me ..
i texted him in july and came to find out he started talking to another girl (not around the time he stopped talking to me) but they have now been together for almost a year and from what i could see he treats her better than i ever got treated. granted he’s now 20 going on 21. i have not dated anyone since him.
he has ruined my perception of dating and relationships. i thought i missed him and that’s why this looks on my mind, but i don’t miss him. i don’t think that it’s fair that i went through all of that and still deal with it and he gets to be happy with someone else.
i guess this isn’t really me looking for advice, more so just ranting. sorry for any typos but i don’t want to go and read through this.

So me and this guy (m25) who has been in my life (f27) for over a year came over to my nephews birthday party yesterday and met my whole family. Our friendship has always been more than friends but never actually official. Yesterday was the first time we did something that “relationship-y” He knew I wasn’t feeling well so he made an effort to come. He’s like my best friend. We understand each other and tell each other everything. I’m genuinely always excited when I get to see him. Of course we’ve had our slip ups bc we both have feelings for each other and we are both attracted to each other.
But he hasn’t spoken to me since and I sent a message saying I was grateful that he came. Sometimes I feel like we’re moving forward but every time we do I feel like he backs off. What do I make of the situation?

I came out to my parents recently about being 31 weeks pregnant, and they've been nothing but overjoyed and supportive - but my mom loves gossiping and telling family and friends everything. She does so on the phone right next to my room (I still live with them, as I'm completing college) and some of the stuff I've heard her say have left me feeling ashamed or hurt. I wasn't aware I was pregnant at first because I still had spotting or I guess what I could call irregular periods. I've had irregular and missed periods in the past, and though it wasn't quite the same this time I didn't know what else to think. The only other symptom I had was occasional nausea, but that's something I've always been used to since I get nauseous and throw up from lack up sleep which is a common state I'm usually in. I never got cravings etc, but when I realized I'd gotten a bump is when It settled in I was pregnant, and I was terrified to tell my parents. But as for the things I've heard her saying, she's commented on the phone to some family at how dumb I am for not noticing sooner. That with her own 5 pregnancies she noticed immediately. Or that I was stupid for not telling her and my dad sooner. It's a common thing she says, growing up Everytime I ask or tell her something her response is to immediately raise her voice and be condescending. It's always kept me from asking more questions than I need, even when she promises to not do that yet goes ahead and does. She even tells family/friends stuff I feel is TMI or just, doesn't need to be said. Like how it means my boyfriend and I have had sex etc etc - which, yes, is obvious, but I don't see why she needs to discuss that and it makes me uncomfortable. She talks about my brother's sex life to family as well, especially at kids birthday parties which I find extra weird, and telling her to stop makes her call me dramatic. Idk, I know I'm dumb, but it makes me feel so inadequate and like a failure when I hear her say this stuff.

I don't even know if I should be writing this. I am an 18 year old male living in India. Idk where to start with this. So I belong to a middle class family consisting of me, my parents and my younger brother. My life was fairly average till I was in 10th grade. I was academically good. Although I was not a bookworm but my classmates and my teachers considered me one. I was never athletic or took a lot of interest in co-curricular activities. I had lots of friends in school but now that I think of it, I never had any close friend with whom I can share anything. That is probably why I have to vent it out here. I was an ideal student (academically) who any parent would give an example of to their child. I was very conscious about my impression on the teachers because that was what was ingrained in me by my parents. My parents especially my mother was quite strict about my academics all through my school life. So I never got myself into any trouble or mischief and was a very well behaved boy. I was never bullied my by classmates. As I said I was never a bookworm and mostly studied a few days before the exams and got really good grades. I was not someone who would go to play after school. I just stayed in my home. My whole life was just school and home. From 5th grade, my mode of transport to and from the school was a private van. And there used to be two of those vans which commuted daily. I used to go in Van-1 from 5th to 7th grade. In 8th grade, my van was changed to Van-2. There I met a girl. I'll call her 'Chandni' for this post. She was not from my school. Since it was a private van, students of different schools used to be there. She was one year elder than me but was in same grade. We became really good friends over time. And I gradually fell in love with her. I obviously was never able to confess it. But I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. Then 8th grade ended and 9th grade started. And summer vacations came. After summer vacations when the school reopened, I was waiting for the van and Chandni was not there. I came to know her van was changed. I was devastated. I never knew I was meeting her for the last time before the summer vacations. I remember the last time I met her before the vacations, she playfully gave me a light tap on my head. I then knew she was active on social media. I joined Instagram and found her account. We chatted but not much. I remember I wished her on her birthday and now that I think of it, it was actually very embarassing how I wished her. Then gradually our conversations got less and finally stopped. They were very casual conversations. She definitely had a lot more friends and I was not as important as I thought I was. I was not upset over this. Then I think she changed her account or something and I didn't knew what her new account was. So our communication stopped. Then came 10th grade and COVID. I got busy in online classes and stopped thinking about her. Then came 2021 and my life took quite a turn. In April 2021, I randomly found Chandni's Instagram account. I sent her the request and she accepted it, even though my profile didn't have my photo and had a random name. I saw her profile, and again my suppressed feelings for her reemerged even more intensely than before. I left my old school which I studied in till 10th grade, and joined a new one. This is something I regret a lot. Actually the new school was a non-attending school. I joined it because I wanted more time to prepare for my medical entrance exam. So this way I just had to attend the coaching classes for the entrance exam and not go to school. Any Indian reading this would understand this situation better. Then my 11th grade classes started few days later which were also online because of lockdown. Initially I was very regular with the studies as I genuinely had passion for the subjects I had chosen. But this regularity lasted only 1.5-2 months. Then I started feeling very lonely as I started to lose contact with my friends from my old school. And also around this time my overthinking started. Initially it started with the fake scenarios I made in my mind involving Chandni. Now I am a vegetarian and Chandni is a non vegetarian. I know this seems very random. But this is from where my overthinking started. I started overthinking whether eating meat is ethical or not. I know this seems very silly. But trust me it was a very heavy thought for me and I just couldn't stop overthinking about it. Gradually I started overthinking about various things, if they were ethical or not, I started overthinking about religious things, god, philosophy, spirituality etc. These are some very heavy topics. Combine that with my loneliness and fake scenarios. This is where my downfall started. I didn't used to pay attention in the class and just used to lie on the bed and keep screenshot-ing whatever was displayed on the screen by the teachers. During the class I used to keep overthinking about above mentioned things, creating fake scenarios or just brood in my loneliness. I remember during the New year 2022, I was constantly watching different videos on youtube, where the spiritual gurus used to talk about masturbation and they obviously advocated against it. And watching them just made feel like I am doing something terribly wrong. And I remember how it made me so upset for few days. Chandni was in my mind 24x7. I never messaged her since I found her account in April. I just didn't had the courage. Or maybe I just wanted to get over with the entrance exam before confessing. I still used to talk to some my old friends on DM but they were very short conversations and quite rare. There was this one friend, we used to send each other funny reels quite often. Apart from that I barely had any conversation with anyone except for my family. All through the year I felt very guilty of not focussing on the studies but I just couldn't do it. My mind was constantly overthinking something or the other. Then came final exams of 11th grade. I was shit scared because I didn't study anything. All through my life uptil then I had passed just studying few days before the exams. But atleast I used to pay attention in previous classes which I didn't do this time. I still remember that anxiety. When you have been academically great from the start, your parents have high expectations from you. What would I tell them? It was one of the worst time of my life. But somehow I studied from Internet and passed the exams. Then came 12th grade. My parents had always been overprotective of me. They had never let me out of the house on my own. At that time, I didn't even know my own neighbourhood properly. This was something which always embarassed me. People my age were travelling here and there with my friends and I couldn't even get out of the house. In 12th grade, offline classes were started and COVID was pretty much over. It took a lot of pleading to convince my mother to let me go to the coaching on my own even though it is just 15-20 minutes walking distance. So I was in a room full of new faces and I was feeling very uncomfortable because I am not a very social person. And my height and physique were already an insecurity then (I will get to this later). Gradually I made some friends (Again not close friends whom I can share all this with). And honestly had a good time with them in the coaching. But apart from the 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM coaching, my life was pretty fucked up. The overthinking was still there. The fake scenarios were still there. At this point my behaviour started to change. I started to study on the 2nd floor in my home, so my conversations with my own family became very less. I used to come down only for food and sleep. Otherwise I used to stay on the 2nd floor. So I started to become distant from my own family. Add on the fact, that whenever there were mock tests in the coaching and if a test didn't go good, I used to get a scolding at home as I previously stated that my mother is quite strict about my academics. And she wanted me to clear the entrance in the 1st attempt. Also add in this the habit of my mother to constantly shout at small things. She doesn't particularly shout at me but in general. So yeah I started becoming distant from my own family. It's like I didn't have anything to talk about with them even if I wanted to. Uptil then I was like any other elder brother. I used to tease my brother, fight with him, but now I became distant with him aswell. It's not like I wanted it. But I just didn't have anything to talk about. Writing all this is just making me so sad right now. I had just become pretty silent at this point. Only little fun I had was in coaching with my friends. Chandni was still in my mind 24x7. Studies were again initially good but then I started procrastinating. I had become tired of life. Then as 12th grade started coming to an end I became more and more insecure about my height. I gave 12th exams. Passed it. Then I gave the entrance exam and failed to clear it. So I decided to take a drop (prepare another year for the entrance). This year (2023-24) has been the worst phase of my life. I was still distant from my family. The only thing we talked about was my study. All my previous year friends had now joined different coaching so I was very alone. My school friend who used to send me reels also stopped conversing because he got busy in his college life. So I had literally no friends. I didn't even tried to make any new friends this year because I was just tired. I didn't had any energy. My insecurities were killing me. I used to study on the second floor and the voice of my mother shouting and my parents arguing used to reach there and drive me mad. I was again not able to focus on the studies. Overthinking was still there. Fake scenarios were out of control. I just couldn't stop thinking about Chandni. At the same time I kept blaming myself for never being good enough for her and not deserving of her. I just used to sit in the class staring at the walls while everyone else is talking to their friends and enjoying. Seeing Chandni with other boys made my heart sank. I know they are much better than me but I feel fucking jealous. I don't have anyone to share all this with. I then somehow gave the medical entrance exam again a few days ago and I cleared it. I should be happy right? I am not able to feel that happiness for fuck sake. I always used to console myself that somehow clearing the entrance will fix everything in my life. But nothing changed. Here I am hating myself. Still my insecurities are killing me. My short height (5'4), my very thin wrists, my skinny body, make me feel so fucking insecure. I am tired of my parents constantly arguing about finances, I am tired of my mother shouting at small issues. I don't feel like going out. Sometimes even if I think to go out just to challenge my parents authority, I procrastinate that thought because I don't have any energy left to argue with them. It is not like my parents are bad. Maybe they won't stop me from going out, and I am just assuming they would. The thing is I don't have any excitement left for anything. The guilt of not being a good son, a good brother, a good friend is killing me. The guilty of not being good enough for the girl I have been secretly loving for 6 years is killing me. I still don't have the courage to confess to her because of my insecurities. I always feel weak, inferior to others and worthless. And the fake scenarios are still here. I don't know if they will ever stop. Earlier I had studies to distract me but now I have nothing, and whole day I am just thinking about my insecurities. Just before I started writing this, I was using Instagram and saw Chandni's likes on reels suggesting she likes tall men with manly hands. I don't even know if I am supposed to laugh or cry at myself. I don't know how to express myself. I still feel distant from my family even though we live in the same house. I feel extremely bad for sometimes shouting at them but I am just tired of this fucking life. The loneliness I feel, I just can't describe it.

People always ask me, what do you want? What do you want for your birthday? And what do you want to do? I don't want anything for my birthday, really. It all costs too much and I feel awful. The expectation to look like i enjoy it (I do, don't get me wrong, it's just hard to show) and the guilt if I'm unable to show it. I just wish I could be normal, this year. What do people do for their birthday?
Initially I was told "just say you want some peace and quiet and a nice dinner, it really is that simple" because I forgot to mention the whole reason I made the post. My mother Says she's got me some sort of perfect gift she knows I'll love.
I'm worried. Like what if I don't show it right? What if I don't actually like the gift as much as she thought? How insensitive would that be?
I've always had trouble here too. I honestly don't know how to process my emotions or information like this either. I can't even tell if I genuinely appreciate the gift, but don't know how to show it or if I just don't appreciate the gift because I dont even know the difference or how that feels anymore. It's a huge struggle for me. I just don't feel anything much when I'm given something or receive something, unless I'm more excited about using it or the item itself, you know? Which is rare for me because. That just dosen't happen. I worry , like "what if i just know that you're supposed to say things like "oh I'm so appreciative, thank you so much" what if i don't care like i should at all and everything im saying is a lie and im acting it all out" a lot.
Otherwise I've got a lot going on right now and I just wish I had someone to talk to in a real conversation rather than a thread on messages or whatever. If anybody would be willing to help me or speak to me or give me some advice id be so, so appreciative... ironically.

Ok, so piano man dropped off a keyboard my kids could use to practice with yesterday, while I don't have my piano. Well, since then, it's been weird. Now, he's asking more personal questions, and non-stop messaging me. So, I guess he was my friend only until he saw me?? I don't know what happened, but what I thought was a good supportive friend, has changed suddenly. I still like his company, but not really interested in a romantic situation. But he hasn't brought it up directly. Only suddenly increased communication and started asking more personal questions, for example about past boyfriends, etc,

Anyone else get these on your birthday or Christmas? I used to get the usual "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", like everyone else around the world. After I called them out (mistake I know), it changed to "birthday GREETINGS" and no "love" at the end, just from mum and dad. Now I don't receive any messages for the occasions, which is good. Just shows that everything to them is transactional. You only get "love" if you follow the RULES! Petty 🤣🤣

Sorry but I need to get this out. Today is my birthday. I, 21f, have a cousin who is 6 months older than me. Being honest she would be the closest thing I have to a sister and we fight like sisters sometimes. Growing up everything was about her. How pretty she is, how hard she has it (she has ADHD and would go off her meds at her own choice), how hard done by she is etc. My whole life I have been made to feel second to her. That I’ll never be as pretty, that I’ll never be as successful as her, never be as loved her. And everyone treats me that way, even my own parents. I turned 21 today. The one day that should be about me! And all anyone can talk about is her moving in with her boyfriend in the fall. They keep treating me like it would be impossible for anyone to love me and I will end up alone because of who I am. I’ve been cold and distant to everyone all day and my mom asked why, so I told her that I don’t want to hear about my cousin anymore and she told me to stop acting like a brat. I personally don’t think I’m acting bratty, I think that I have finally had enough of being treated like garbage by everybody and they can’t handle that I have my own thoughts and opinions! I know this was a lot, so if anyone read this, thank you <3

My close friend of around 25 years dropped me after taking back her boyfriend who had cheated on her. I'm not the only longterm friend she's dropped over this guy but I was shocked as I thought I'd been quite neutral over the situation. I mean he treated her terribly and had done even before she found out about the cheating and I supported her through all that (and other stuff over the years) but I didn't call her an idiot or anything.
To make matters worse I lost my father several months after they'd reconciled. She came to the funeral (she knew my dad too and we sat and chatted a while, she seemed normal) but I've not seen her since. Any mention of getting together she would either ignore or make vague "yeah we need to catch up soon" noises that come to nothing. If I message her she might chat for a while but never as chatty as she used to be and only mentions him in passing. Disappears randomly. I feel like that's it now. If I bumped into her I would feel so awkward. I'm not a confrontational person and quite introverted while she is the opposite. So I've been grieving my dad and my friendship.
She only appears to see one of her old friends now, her BFF. Otherwise she seems to be cultivating casual friendships with people from her past that she's reconnected with, or random Internet people. Not people that she'd confide in if there was issues. They won't know anything. I don't know if she's just not wanting reminded of what happened before and wanting folk to think he's Mr Perfect or if he's controlling who she sees. Either seems possible. I worry that he's isolating her and could be abusive. He seems jealous from things she's told me in the past and also the odd FB comment he's left set my spidey senses twitching. But she told us he's completely changed now. Like a different person. But is that really possible? I worry things might end badly once she moves in with him as she was planning on doing. I just feel so sad about things, it's been a real slap in the face after a long friendship. I wish I knew the reason why, if it was her decision or not. I go from feeling sad, to angry to indifferent.
Thanks for reading.

me and my ex was together for 3 years and back in August I got a job and he got the same Job in around November. I had a manager that didn't necessarily like him because one time he got mad at me in front of her and kinda raised his voice to me. he ended up quitting really dramatically over her because she called him a bad boyfriend. after he quit he wanted me to block her but at the time she was my only close friend so I was a little upset but I blocked her. but I secretly started talking to her again since she was my manager and it's hard to avoid her. he ended up finding out and we broke up. there's a lot more to this but that's in general what ended the relationship. now that he's gone I want him back so bad and realize I shouldn't have hid secrets. but at the same time he wasn't good to me either?? but there was those good times that I can't let go of and I miss him more and more everyday. I messaged him and he blocked me. I texted his grandma and she was telling me he was moving about an hour away and he's on vacation?? so he's moving away and hes blocked me. and currently gone right now. would I ever get him back or is this really it. it hurts a lot and I miss him. idk what I could do to fix this. I offered to quit my job. I offered anything I could but it feels like it's done but I can't help but cling onto my last bit of hope that he will come back..he was my first everything. I can't imagine a life without him I'd do anything just to get him back and I'd fix everything I wish he'd give me that chance more than anything else