Is smoking pcp addictive

Branch : Mechanical Engineering
I saw a lot of posts on how to do good in college and thought why not share some tips based on my own experience. I am not a topper and haven’t studied day and night for exams. I have an aggregate of 8+ CGPA

1. Set a goal

Getting a Good CGPA is very important. A lot of people might say marks don’t matter but they really matter. Your parents,friends,professors will respect you if you get good marks. Your confidence will increase a lot if you are good in academics. Decide in the beginning if you want to be someone with 9+ CGPA or 7.5+ CGPA and study accordingly.

1. College clubs

Decide if you want to get in a college club. It is absolutely gold for socialising but remember sometimes you just waste your time,work your ass off for the seniors and get nothing out of it. This is strictly my personal opinion. I realised I was not really able to learn anything and just doing donkey work,wasting 4-5 hours in a day and I quit it.

1. Professors

Some professors are straight evil but you have to deal with them. Get close with 2-3 professors,take suggestions from them about your careegrowth. They would be happy to guide you.

1. Friends

Be in a group where you feel happy. Don’t make toxic friends just for the sake of making it. Friends who taunt you, tease you are simply not your friends so don’t have friends just for being in a group

1. Addictions

A lot of people say that if I don’t drink or smoke I won’t make any friends. Nahi chaiye aise dost jo sirf dosti kare agar tum drink or smoke kar rahe ho to.

1. Internships

Do as many internships as possible. Talk with your professors,placement coordinator about internships from second year itself. Get some experience letters from companies.
Won’t talk about placement because I haven’t applied for the same. This is strictly my opinion and this is how I have done my engineering. If you have any more doubts ask away in the comments. Don’t DM let even others benefit from your questions
Thanks and Regards Girl next door

I cannot do this anymore. I have to quit for good. I tried to smoke one and couldn't, and even before I got diagnosed I was becoming sick of them. Smoking 15 a day for a few months is bad. On top of that, I've been smoking for over 10 years. My body can't take it any more.
I get real cranky and aggressive if I quit cold turkey, so I'm not off the nicotine yet, but I am just using the patch which, as a nurse told me, is perfectly safe to use your entire life. Nicotine isn't the problem, it's just addictive, same as caffeine. It's everything else in cigarettes and the combustion that is harmful.
Anyway, I am done. I have half a pack left and I am going to destroy them. I would give them away, but I no longer want to contribute to this problem.

I never realized how insanely unaware I can be socially.
Part of me hates it, but the other part of me is glad to at least know and be aware of it now.
To change myself the way I need to in order to understand when the things I’m saying are considered “rude” or aren’t taken well.
I’m really sorry that I never realized the hurt you were dealing with. I promise I’d planned to come back as soon as I’d figured out us being together wasn’t the problem.
I just needed to figure it out first.
I’m sorry for the assumptions I’d made. To me, everything else was “permanent” and our relationship had been the only variable.
Once I observed and made changes, I realized there were many things that were causing my stress. Not us, and definitely not you.
It was just hard to be there for someone when I was so on edge from it all.
I regularly check in with a psychiatrist now.
I’m back on ADHD meds. Turns out, I wasn’t addicted to the thing I thought I was. I was addicted to the ability to finally be productive. Isn’t it crazy how right my therapist was about that?
She’d said something like “you don’t act like you can’t live without it when you don’t have it”, which is the way an addict would approach it. She’d said it seemed more like I was obsessing over doing things with my time instead of just sleeping.
Now I’m much better. I don’t smoke anymore.
And boy do I sleep well LOL. I like it, though. The amount of time I spend sleeping gives me a chance to see you again. I love it when you make cameos in my dreams. It makes me so happy. Then when I have to wake up, I think about you all day, and I’m so sad.
At least I get to know you’re alive, though.
At least at I get to know that I’m still allowed to love you, even if you no longer love me back.

Up until this point, our relationship was great and I did not expect or suspect anything like this. We had our arguments and disagreements, but we always talked through them and ended up in a better place. I was so happy to be in a loving, communicative relationship.
My partner (who I’ll call Sam for anonymity purposes) has had a history with drugs and alcohol starting in their preteens. They’ve been to rehab once, which helped them to quit pills. Both of their parents are also meth addicts and were in active addiction during Sam’s childhood, making their childhood very rough with a number of traumatic instances.
They had been clean from meth for about four months before we started dating, and was clean for our entire relationship until now. Throughout our relationship, we’ve both partied and used drugs but nothing more than cocaine. I always knew they were more into in than I was, but that didn’t bother or alarm me (it should have alarmed me).
Two weeks ago, they relapsed on meth after some drinking, coke, and molly they had done with their roomates. They live in an area where meth is not hard to find and went out and got some and smoked it with some random guys. They went back home, stayed up all night, and then the day after had sex with one of their roomates (Isabella), who is 29 years old, a considerable age gap from Sam’s 19. They were both very drunk but only Sam was on meth. Apparently, Isabella was having a break down (I’ve been witness to/comforted them in their breakdowns before and they’re very sad and alarming) and Sam comforting them turned into making out which turned into oral which turned into sex. As they told me, they both stopped in the middle of it and said it was wrong. I came over the next day and Sam didn’t tell me until I left the day after what had happened.
I feel so hurt, betrayed, and ugly. They promised something like this would never happen. I’m completely heartbroken but have decided to stay. They’ve expressed their regret and love for me, saying that if they hadn’t done meth it wouldn’t have happened which I believe (though I have little reason to believe anything they say right now) because they have never even looked at another girl before this. We’ve had many talks and tears from both of us and have decided to both be completely sober which I know is really hard on them but less so on me as I don’t have much of a past with drugs and alcohol. I want to do anything i can to help them with their sobriety, which is why I’m joining them. We’re both committed to healing ourselves and our relationship, but damn it’s hard.

How I've managed to keep my teeth in good shape despite 10 years of extreme bulimia: a harm reduction guide
I 25f began purging when I was 14. It spiraled fast, and I've had many health scares regarding my heart and esophagus resulting in hospitalizations. I'm very careless with nearly every aspect of my health...except for my teeth. Over a decade later, with purging so frequent I've barely made it out of the extreme category of bulimia but a few months in that time span, and for now, my teeth are still looking great. I know this can change at any moment-- ten years means little when I know I'll be purging forever, and at some point I'm bound to ruin my teeth. But for now, I remain diligent in my dental routine, and my dentist is always impressed. So I've decided to outline a few points I've come up with that have helped me prolong the health of my teeth before the inevitable decay that comes with bulimia.
To begin, I am privileged in that I grew up in a household that prioritized dental health. When I developed anorexia and then bulimia, I had perfect teeth. So if you purge and are not as lucky as I've been in terms of minimal decay, it isn't your fault and you aren't doing anything wrong-- this disorder ruins teeth and some people like myself come into it with an advantage, whether that be from genetics or growing up with regular dental care.
That being said, dental care is the #1 recommendation I can make. I get my teeth cleaned and I have x-rays every 6 months minimum. If I notice a tooth feels weird, I go in more often than that. If you don't have dental insurance, a lower-cost option could be a dental school. I know there are a lot of barriers to treatment, especially preventative treatment, but there's no time like now to start if you've let it slide. No matter how bad your teeth are, dentists have seen worse, and you deserve to be treated without judgement. I'm 100% upfront with my dentist, so they know to look for ed-specific decay and to help me minimize damage.
I personally use ionite toothpaste, which contains prescription strength fluoride. I brush a minimum 2x a day. I do not rinse after I brush. I floss daily. I keep floss with me at all times. I don't let sugar stay on my teeth.
For b/p sessions, I try to avoid highly sugary binges. I know everyone has different triggers, but I think a large part as to why I haven't had as much decay is because I try to avoid anything that I feel is hard on my teeth, like ice cream or candy. I don't know if there's any solid basis for this, but I've never been a huge sugar consumer. I don't drink non-diet pop, I don't smoke, I'm sober. I think all these lifestyle choices have helped to offset my bulimia damage. Obviously, bulimia and addiction is very personal, but to minimize damage to my teeth personally, I chose purging over other habits and stick to it, so I'm not compounding decay. Is this realistic for everyone? Of course not. It's just what I find reduces harm to me, so I felt it worth mentioning. Any amount of behavior curbing you can do is a good thing.
So, as a TL;DR, some things I've found helpful to mitigate damage to my teeth from my bulimia personally are: -bi-yearly or more cleanings and x-rays -treat any tooth asap-- don't let it get worse -prescription grade toothpaste 2x daily -floss daily - minimize sugary binges (not always realistic) - no smoking or drinking - no brushing after purging (tbh I don't even rinse)
These are PERSONAL, not universal. This is just my lifestyle choices that have intentionally or unintentionally let me maintain good dental health while still indulging bulimia for a decade.
If you have any harm reduction tips for teeth, I'd love to hear what has worked for you personally. Stay safe out there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and have decided we are ready to have a baby together. This might seem early in the relationship, however, I have been with my fair share of bad boyfriends and I know this one is the one and we will make good parents together. We actually really wanted to have a baby together within the first year however we decided to be responsible as we weren’t living together, didn’t have much money saved and just knew it wasn’t the right time. We are now both 25, we have a house together, have enough savings and feel it is absolutely the right time. We have worked hard to get to this place and are very excited for the next step. Not only are we excited to actually start a family but I have always dreamed about telling my family and how excited they will be. I was also extremely excited to tell my boyfriends family as he is the oldest and our baby would make his parents grandparents for the first time. When I first met my boyfriends Dad, he asked when the grandkids were coming, telling us he couldn’t wait to be a grandpa. He also got out his phone and showed us a video of a gender reveal involving a truck blowing the coloured smoke out of the pipes and told us this is what we would do when we had a gender reveal one day (he is a very proud truck driver from a long line of truck drivers). My boyfriend and I laughed and said that was cool and we will do it one day. Every time we rang my boyfriends Dad as he lives 5 hours away, he would always ask when his grandchildren are coming.
Fast forward a year. My boyfriend and I were still trying to conceive with no luck yet, we knew it wouldn’t happen over night. However, one night we receive a facetime phone call from my boyfriends Dad. He is sitting beside my boyfriends younger brother, we’ll call him Tom, who is 22 and says ‘guess what’. Tom then holds up a new born onesie and says ‘we’re having a baby’.
My heart sinks. And this is where all of my ugly, angry, sad emotions begin. I would also just like to disclose before I go on, that I KNOW I should not feel this way, but it’s just the way I do feel.
My boyfriends younger brother Tom has been with his girlfriend for 4 months, we’ll call her Sarah. She has an 18month old baby with someone else and doesn’t work to take care of this child. Tom lives next door to his Dad and step mom in a rental with 2x of his step brothers, absolute bachelor pad. They all work in the truck yard down the road and smoke bongs in the shed every night. Sarah moved in to the house with her child as soon as she met Tom and sure enough now she is pregnant with his child. Tom is always broke, asking my boyfriend for money all the time. He is constantly caught short for rent, which isn’t even that much considering it is split 3 ways. Tom drives a two door v8 Ute which is his pride and joy, which he will now have to sell to get a family friendly car.
My boyfriend is happy for his brother, yet I feel crushed. I want to feel happy for them.
A few months later, my boyfriend and I took some time off work to visit his dads side of the family (his parents are split). We drove 5 hours to come and stay with them as my boyfriend doesn’t see them very often. Whilst we were up there we met Sarah for the first time and her child from her previous relationship. Sarah, Tom and the child had moved into a slightly bigger ‘bar’ room out the back of the bachelor house and it was absolutely trashed. They are sleeping on a mattress with no sheets, there is clothes, toys, empty food containers, dishes, rubbish covering the floor and surfaces. Tom simply remarked ‘when you have kids, you’ll understand’. I get that, having kids is hard and messy but this was beyond that, and, Sarah doesn’t work she is home all day every day. My boyfriend commented that Tom use to be a neat freak which I found hard to believe.
Whilst we were up there it seemed all everyone could talk about is this baby. Sarah was also constantly leaving her other child with various of Tom’s family members and just going to bed. My boyfriend and Tom’s stepmum quietly said to me that she is constantly left with the child whose nappy is always full. I spent some time with Sarah who mentioned to me that she happened to fall pregnant and asked Tom if he wanted to keep it or if she should abort it. My boyfriend and I had argued over whether we thought it was a planned baby or not, my boyfriend insisting it was planned. Obviously not.
Sarah also began discussing with us that she and Tom were going to do a gender reveal. She then explained that they were going to do the same truck idea that my boyfriends Dad had showed us. I made an excuse to leave the room and I burst into tears. This made me feel like his Dad didn’t actually care if my boyfriend and I had a baby, he just wanted a grandchild no matter where it came from, and Tom did it first. Whilst we were staying with my boyfriends Dad, we also saw so many fights unfold in front of us between Tom and Sarah. Yes couples fight but they were screaming at each other, in front of the 18 month old and getting in each others faces. A very healthy thing for a couple about to be a family of 4. Not long after this trip, Tom and Sarah announced the pregnancy on Facebook and all of my boyfriends family commented on there how excited they were and how Tom is a ‘clever’ boy as there will be 5 generations since Tom and my boyfriends great grandparents are still alive. I again tried to feel happy for them but this was stifled by my feeling of anger. Since day one of meeting my boyfriend I had always put in a HUGE effort to not only meet my boyfriends family but we travelled immensely to meet all sides of family as he has family all over the place. His mum and her partner live away and we often spent lots of weekends with them which was not easy at all as his mum is addicted to hard drugs and my boyfriend is the only family member that still speaks to her. We also travelled 4 hours multiple times to stay with his grand father and visit cousins. We travelled 3 hours on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with his cousins family and recently we travelled another 6 hour round trip to spend the day with his Nanna who is sick. Family is very important to me and also my boyfriend so I always made a huge effort to visit them with him. This is what has bothered me almost the most, my boyfriend and I have made such an effort with his family, yet, all they can talk about is Tom and Sarah having a baby. Tom and Sarah have not made nearly as much effort as us to meet any family, Sarah has met Tom’s dad and brother (my boyfriend) and that’s it. Everytime my boyfriend speaks to one of his relatives it’s always ‘isn’t it so exciting, not long now’.
A few months after this, my boyfriend and I had a triumph - we were pregnant! Followed by heart ache, an early miscarriage.
I spoke to my family who were extremely supportive and my boyfriend told his who were supportive at the time but just told us to ‘keep trying’. No one has spoken about it since, which is okay, but, I am not okay. Whilst I was feeling so hurt and upset before, it is now millions times worse. I have had good days, and bad days. One of my worst days was recently when Sarah invited us to her baby shower. My boyfriend came home from work and said ‘we’ll have to book some time off work since it’s on the Saturday and we have to travel’. We then got into an argument as I was so hurt that he just assumed I was okay to go to it. After a few days of thought I realised how important it was to my boyfriend and I had to push my feelings aside. I’m still so frustrated though because aside from all of my pain, I KNOW they would not travel 5 hours and take time off work to go to our baby shower if we had one.
So the baby shower is in 2 weeks and I’m still having the same ugly, angry, sad, disgusting thoughts swirling around my head.
Why do they get to have a baby within 4 monts of knowing each other, completely unprepared, no money, no vehicle, no house, no nothing? They didn’t plan this, she just let herself get pregnant or they were so careless not to use protection. My boyfriend and I could’ve gotten pregnant within the first months of dating but we’re not that stupid and irresponsible. My boyfriends stepbrother has moved out of the house and is living in a shed so that Sarah and Tom have more room to have a baby which I think is so completely unfair. And now the other stepbrother that lives there will have an 18month old and a new born in his house which he never signed up for. Tom and Sarah have just gotten pregnant and not thought about anyone else or how this effects anyone else. My boyfriend and I have worked long, hard hours to save for our dream and yet we’re here watching it unfold for someone else whilst we deal with the heart ache of getting so close and losing it. I work in disability which is extremely mentally draining and my boyfriend is a diesel mechanic which is physical and hard. Sarah doesn’t work, yes she takes care of her child yet they’re living in filth and she manages to palm him off most of the time anyway. Tom is a casual at his work and spends most of his pay check on weed and smokes every night. Yet, the entire family thinks they are so incredible and wow! They’re having a baby! I feel so cheated, I feel like it should be us, and I know that’s so incredibly selfish but we couldn’t have planned this more if we tried yet they simply didn’t use protection and get to live out our dream.
I’m wondering how on earth I am going to manage to get through this damn baby shower and I would love to know peoples thoughts on this, but please, be kind 😭

F30, Height 5’7, weight 210, smoke/drink only on occasion.
Medications: Gabapentin Cyclobenzaprine Emgality Nurtec Amitriptyline Levocetirizine Bupropion Zolmitriptan Zavzpret Ondansetron Ibuprofen Botox Famotidine
And a whole host of Suppliments: Turmeric Vitamin c Calcium Fish oil Magnesium Vitamin B and B complex Probiotics Vitamin d Cbd/thc (Will edit if I realize I missed one)
Sexually active with long term monogamous partner.
Symptoms: perisistant sensation of having to pee, discomfort when peeing, some urinary tract and bladder discomfort, urine had strong smell at first, and there was just now some small string like blood clots when wiping that are bright red. Urine does not seem to be any darker or redder. There is sometimes a sensation of spasm periodically. These more noticeable symptoms all started fairly suddenly, although difficulty peeing the past couple of days, although that is somewhat typical for me. No clue if it could be a kidney stone since I also saw a couple small grain like objects in the toilet. My symptom of feeling like I had to pee improved slightly after the discovery of the blood. I’ve never had a UTI (as least not one that was noticeable to me) and have had a vaginal yeast infection only once in my life.
It is evening where I am, I sent a message to my PCP regarding this, although they might not get back right away, but now since I noticed the blood I am definitely going to my local urgent care when the open in the morning, but looking for advice on whether or not these symptoms should be an emergency, or what to look out for to warrant an emergency. I’m having difficulty falling asleep (currently just sitting on the toilet letting out small amounts of pee as it comes) due to the sensation of feeling like I have to pee.

There is someone out there reading this waiting for a message from someone that may be drawing my attention towards because of my topics I write about.
I am a former and currently struggling addict. I'm not perfect, I don't try to be someone I am not. I am blunt, honest, alone.... Mostly alone.... A lot!
I am a human being that has stumbled many upon many times..... I'm doing it again not all or all at once, but I did all in my past.
Let me break the ice and list some of my sins and addictions.
watching inappropriate films of all topics.
Fornication
Smoking
Drinking
Gossip
Gluttony
In a nice way to list it without the drama story attached to it. I'm guilty of it all.
Don't give in, even though you messed up today. I did too....
Just socializing, I take a drag of a cigarette and then another and then another....
Well, I just smoked and broke my promise again for the millionthteenth time.... So, I'll just smoke for tonight only......
It's 1am now, but I didn't fall asleep yet, so I can smoke until my day actually ends.
F* it, I'll just buy a pack because I'm already smoked yesterday and broke my promise.
You see my demons there!
Yeah, this is current and I'm ashamed and holding myself accountable. I told my person my struggles and allowed them to share their anger towards me for falling back into my old patterns. I still told them and I am working on myself. I am reminding myself where I was and how long I stopped and how far I've come and to not fall back into hurting my body anymore. To love myself more and not harm it because I am not afraid of dying. I need to stop wanting it to happen to me. I need to accept that my life has a purpose and masking my pain won't stop when I am hiding my emotions for a nicotine buzz when I take a break at work.
That is no excuse to pick up the habit. Let your coworkers do it without you. Don't go back to your old habits. Stop it!
That's my Dad yelling at me. I get him interrupting when I free write.
I want you to see that I struggle everyday. I miss smoking every day. I chose the other options to seek a substance over another. I am just like my father. I have an addictive personality and behavior pattern.
I also see where I need to work on myself and I get back in the game. I don't keep with the habit because I fell out of it for a weekend. My Dad won't shut up.
My father died of lung cancer and he never smoked and he is very upset at me for smoking so I could be with him in heaven. He cried next to me as I cried and I gave up singing. I left choir and I had throat problems when I was a senior in college. I didn't get to sing my recital to my father, he passed away before he saw me graduate.
He doesn't want anyone to give in to their addictions. He wishes he followed his dreams of being a service with God by his side. He gave into alcohol and pills. He sees me talking about him on here. I'm letting you see me for who I am and I am not afraid of how you read my story. This is real. This is me. Deal with it or move on.
Sorry about that side tangent. Suz showed up.
She helps me get my throat chakra open so I can share my feelings and stick up for myself. She is well aware of my past and been warning me ever since.
This is about addiction. This is about letting go.
They show up at the worst times, sorry you guys....
I am here to receive and share my story and I fall apart. I am being tested by my enemy and I am sharing my struggles to show my gratitude for awareness. I am more aware to see where I am falling short and work on nurturing those wounds to avoid the old habits of treating it. My inner child, my 20 year old self showed up and what I did back then was miss my Dad and smoke.
I can never fall too far, my Dad shows up and reminds me to write and he helps me get back on track with the topics I write about. It's him taking over my hands and I just start writing.
It's really cool. I miss him and it's weird how he does this, it took me a few tries after becoming very intoxicated with a substance I don't want to trigger you anymore..... Sorry....
I'm not the only one that has this problem. When some of us become intoxicated, we are more intune with spirits. It's not a psychotic break down. It took me a long time to see why my father kept escaping when he had no reason.
He had good reasons, but I wasn't old enough to understand. Until he passed, we are very close, he shares with me many memories and stories of my family I never knew. He taught me how to talk to my Grandmother through music. He lets me know how to handle my mom. He calms me down when I am having a breakdown and my arms hold my body in a hug. I don't move my body, I let my body move on its own. When I allow this to happen, especially when I drank, I saw my father in my memory hugging me tightly. That was when he taught me how to see and communicate with him.
I got used to wanting to be around him more, I kept trying to find how to bring him back, it only happens on special occasions. I don't get to decide how he wants to show up. He just does and I have to be ready to see his signs and feel every moment to enjoy the experience.
He told me today.
"Knock it off! Go write!"
So, here I am. I was wrong. This journey doesn't let me get away with much anymore. I have a purpose why I chose to stray away from God after I went to college and do this stuff.... My adult self is really mad for smoking and drinking so heavily.....
If you are still young, but feel like you did yourself enough damage you don't see the point in stopping......
Just stop.
There's no plan to it, you just do it. It's gonna suck. That part you got to fix is how you think about it once you stop.
This isn't me talking, this is still my Dad teaching me a lesson to not smoke. Because he died a terrible death and he doesn't want me to go the same way. We are working on forgiving each other in giving into our patterns we learned from our family patterns of raising kids. We all have a story. We all came from some form of trauma.
They want to show me how to stop repeating it. I failed this week. It's been a week, not gonna lie and I enjoyed it, but now, I feel regret. Because I do know better.
I know someone out there wants to be serious and stop, but feel alone without someone to show active encouragement.....
Be my cheerleader too!
I need one so I can stop messing up my clean lungs. I worked hard to get them there. I'm gonna get back on track and stop. I hope you are able to get a hold of your addictions too, Whatever it may be.
I feel a little weird about posting this, but they are double dog daring me to do it.
SO, don't judge, but yeah..... Here it is.... Unedited. All me.... Being weird.
Peace,
Tina

tw: mentions of "substances"
anytime i'm around someone who's high or drunk i get extremely anxious and it just ruins my mood like immediately. i have literally no traumatic events regarding any type of substance (weed, alcohol, or otherwise) and i've never had a particular hatred towards those things either (excluding hardcore drugs.)
like, i smoke with my boyfriend from time to time, and when we're both under the influence i have no problem, but when i'm sober and he's high it gives me such an immense amount of anxiety and it makes me want to cry. or this one time i went out with my family for my uncle's birthday and they all got shitfaced, and the entire time i was just. blank faced and anxious to go home because i was upset.
is there any psychological reason for this? i didn't grow up with alcoholic or drug addict parents or family members, and again i have no traumatic events in my life connected to this. even if i'm repressing something, while my family isn't insanely strict, they are still hardcore christians and there's no point in my life where i'd ever be exposed to those things in an unsafe matter, so there's nothing to repress. any ideas?

I understand that Chantix is a divisive option for those looking to quit smoking. The reason I want to write this post is because when I did research online, both on reddit and other forums and looking for studies, it was overwhelming negative feedback. The main narrative was that Chantix made people depressed, suicidal, attempt suicide, or rage on the drug, and there were many warnings specifically against those with mental health disorders taking it.
I just want to share my experience to balance out anyone searching on the internet and may stumble upon this. Obviously do your due diligence, talk to your psychiatrist/doctor, and don't be mad at me if you hate it!
I started smoking young (teenager) and quit in 2013 when I was 24 going cold turkey, because I was broke and I felt guilty taking money from my dad for asthma meds when I was secretly smoking. Shame worked as a motivator, apparently. One quit, cold turkey. Fast forward to 2021, when a very close friend suddenly passed away. I am sober form alcohol, and rationalized that I "deserved one vice" while I grieved with friends. This addiction spiraled faster than the first time, and I was up to a pack a day fairly quickly. I tried many times to quit. Chose quit dates, tried the patch, tried the gum. Nothing worked. Chantix was my last resort.
About me: 34/female, mental health issues (anxiety, depression, OCD, probably others depending on the therapist's viewpoint). I started chantix knowing it could be bad, but I was desperate.
My experience with Chantix: I chose a quit date as instructed and planned on smoking the first seven days on the drug, as instructed. By day 3, cigarettes tasted awful. It was hard for me to finish one. By day 4, I was still mentally craving cigarettes but annoyed that I had to smoke a gross cigarette to get through it. When I finished a pack on day 4, I didn't immediately buy one. I still haven't. That was April 1st.
Obviously I'm still in 'early days' but the difference this time is there is 0 white-knuckling, I don't care about cigarettes, don't crave them. I just feel like a non-smoker. It's a non-entity that I don't think about. I have been on dates with men who smoke around me and I don't crave them. It's honestly magic.
My mood: I swear that Chantix has IMPROVED my mood. I've read a couple studies that this is a known thing for many people with depression, especially those on an SSRI. Chantix is great as an anti-depressant for many people, but no pharma company wants to touch a formerly black-box drug linked to suicide. I understand that, but I'm also sad more people don't know about it. Chantix has decreased my binge eat behaviors, and I've stopped biting my nails. Ironically, my suicidal ideation intrusive thoughts have also stopped. It feels like a miracle drug (for me) but I fully understand that it's not for everyone. Unfortunately PMS still sucked -- even Chantix couldn't cut through that (I was hopeful).
Feel free to ask me questions! Good luck everyone ˙ᵕ˙

Me: 22yr old female, not on any meds or supplements besides a probiotic, no major health hx, weekly marijuana usage (have stopped since symptoms developed)
Starting May 17th, mid day or so I noticed some chest tightness and felt wheezy, didn’t think much but stopped smoking for the day as I was afraid it would make it worse. When I went to lay down for bed that night, it got significantly worse, I couldn’t breathe and ended up taking shallow breaths trying to catch my breath after just laying down. When sitting up I wheezed a lot when breathing. I thought maybe an allergy thing so I took 50mg Benadryl but didn’t notice a difference. Ended up sleeping propped up but had a very difficult time getting comfortable enough to sleep due to the difficulty breathing. On the 18th I rested, worked 5-10pm and after work it still had not resolved so I picked up an at home Covid test which was negative. At this point I decided to go to the er for some relief. They did an ecg and x rays. No major findings on those. I did notice on the ecg it threw some vpc’s but not sure how concerning that is since it was just a few and not frequent. (I work in vet med so just recognized it since I’ve had to monitor patients for that before) Bloodwork was also done which dr said wasn’t concerning but there were some values I’m concerned about looking it over again. wbc elevated (17.6 x10^3/uL) Lymph Auto (12.7 %) Neutro Auto( 78.6 %) BUN (7 mg/dL) Chloride (108 mmol/L) Also have had a cough, very occasional and non productive I’m planning to follow up with a pcp as recommended but don’t have established care anywhere and everywhere I called today that takes my insurance doesn’t have availability til end of June. Was thinking of picking up lidocaine patches and an otc epinephrine inhaler to try and get some relief. ER rec’d 600mg ibuprofen every 6 hours but I haven’t noticed much improvement with that today and feel like I’m actually coughing more today than the past two days

I understand if i get judged for this, BY ALL MEANS PLEASE JUDGE ME AND CALL ME OUT SO I CAN STOP.
i cant stop smoking cigarettes and i am 33 weeks pregnant. in my first trimester i vaped and i had quit at 23 weeks and then picked it back up again around 29 weeks but this time it was cigarettes. i am in a domestic situation and the stress just pushed me over the edge. My babydad is abusive and has put me through hell this whole pregnancy. I cut back, i feel guilty everytime i smoke. i only smoke around 4-5 cigarettes a day but i don’t want to be smoking at all. i pray for forgiveness everytime i smoke. i pray over my son every night that my stupid addiction and selfishness doesn’t affect his health. he’s a healthy baby boy, ive had a great pregnancy but i just can’t fucking stop smoking 😒 I CANT STOP. i take my prenatals, i make sure i count 10 movements every two hours.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

u/saucestation_, u/Hrrrrrrwrrrwrrr, u/JustAMissionary
The Bible seems to indicate that it’s ok to drink within moderation. Is it also ok to smoke weed (aka cannabis or marijuana) within moderation, legally, of course?
Sure, do it wisely.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3009708/:

Marijuana is complex chemically and not yet fully understood, but it is not a narcotic. Like alcohol, marijuana acts as both stimulant and depressant, but it lingers in body organs longer than alcohol. Smoking marijuana can injure mucosal tissue and may have more carcinogenic potential than tobacco. Research has indicated that marijuana intoxication definitely hinders attention, long-term memory storage, and psychomotor skills involved in driving a car or flying a plane.

How much can you do it?
See How much does drinking become sin?.
I have no interest in smoking weed. I have better ways to spend my money :)
For people who are susceptible to addiction, I would advise against it.
Does smoking weed bring in demons?
If you overdo it, it may. The same goes for getting drunk.
If you find weed helpful, do it wisely and thank God for it.
What about opium?
Opium is highly addictive. Users will develop dependency. It is not wise to have an opium habit.
What about heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, LSD, etc?
These illegal drugs are addictive and affect one's physical and mental health. You will lose self-control. They will damage your brain. You don't need the Bible to tell you to avoid them.
Selling weed a sin?
It may not be a sin. Don't do it if it bothers your conscience.

First off, feel free to comment about your own experiences. I would love it if anybody can relate. I'm also open to questions, advice, whatever you wanna write. This is gonna be a bit longer, just fyi. Excuse lack of proper chronological order and maybe some wonky sentences, English isn't my first language.
I was parentified.
For context, my mother has three children, I'm the youngest one, then there's my older half-brother (30) and my older half-sister (36). Their father was a violent alcoholic with schizophrenic tendencies (official diagnosis), luckily I never met him. I refer to them as brother and sister. I'm 21 now. I'm the only child of my mom and my dad, my dad has three other kids who are in the same age group as my maternal siblings. Lots of history with divorces and family fights, I'm the center of a complete patchwork family, everybody moved towns a lot, it's all a bit messy and disorganized.
My mother has severe borderline disorder and has massive trauma from several age stages, especially involving men. She was heavily parentified and yet socially cast out by her family herself. I don't remember a time where I didn't act like her father, emotionally. This is made worse by the fact that I'm trans so I was like her bestie before I began socially transitioning in my early teen years. Of course, this was a massive issue for her. She told me she had only ever wanted daughters. Materially she was taking care of things until I was about 11 - walked me to school and took care of the household, used to work, everything.
I remember sitting next to her during a talk/fight she had with my dad while she was sobbing, I can't have been older than 3 or 4. They got divorced around that time. As I grew older, I came to be my mom's sole emotional support person. We had moved to an isolated village with my step-father and she developed a severe agoraphobia for some time. My step-father avoided all emotionality with both her and me and therefore I was now her only friend. I overheard conversations that she shouldn't be having with her child next door and was told about her most severe fears and traumas from a young age. I was lashed out at on a near daily basis and punishment came unexpectedly. It would consist of being screamed at for minutes on end until I would cry and hyperventilate, but she wouldn't stop then.
In spite of her idea of punishment and raising children, she was incredibly attached to me, still is. This would include massive anxiety fits when she didn't know where I was or when I was getting into activities she didn't approve of. One time, when I was about 17, I went to a party in my friend's basement. She knew about this and approved it, knew my friends and where they lived. I didn't have any signal in that basenent so she couldn't reach me. She proceeded to look up my other friends' parents' phone number and call them to contact me. There was nothing she wanted except to know that I had arrived there.
Whereas my other siblings had long left the household years apart from eachother, both with specific and complex fights and banging doors and screaming fits, I was, as the youngest child, turned into a confessional and a therapist. I would mediate fights from a young age. I witnessed physical violence between my brother, my mother and my sister. My brother was the perpetrator for the most part (however, I was neither hurt nor threatened myself). Nobody proceeded to remove me from the situation or stop me from getting involved. From then on, every fight and every drama caused me intense bouts of anxiety and it, to this day, remains to be the only thing that makes me cry and/or lash out.
In a household full of anger, my anger was not tolerated. I was raised with some old-timey sort of black paedagogy (edit: by this i mean some nazi-era remnants type of paedagogy) (I'm German so it is something of a generational curse for some): I was to have unwavering respect for my parents, I was expected to be obedient, "let him cry it out" type stuff. At least when I was a younger child. When I got older, my emotions did not matter either. After stressful situations or fights that I proceeded to witness for most of my life, nobody ever asked me how I felt or explained to me what had actually gone down. I was left alone while not being left alone at all.
If I failed to provide emotional security for my mother or even attempted to call her out, I was made to feel immensely guilty. This could range from her crying/yelling things like "Why is it always me that must suffer" to guilt-tripping texts and blocking my contact for a while to very action-based suicide threats, depending on the situation. Her emotions were forced to be my emotions if I wanted to "stay alive".
At the same time, I still proceeded to excel in school. I felt like dying but nobody, and I tell you, nobody, noticed. I was a teacher's pet, I still had some loose friendships, I visited my dad once a month or more ever since my parents divorced. Nobody realized what I felt. I felt alone and had the worst depressive episode of my life when I was 13. I neglected personal hygiene. I never opened up to my father for many years. To this day I think he doesn't know everything. Especially during covid, him and my ex-stepmother were my safe space. When I first opened up to them, they welcomed me with open arms, my father was very strict and cold when I was young, but he softened, changed, and is everything and more I could ask for in a father. He is among the most positive examples of masculinity and especially of fatherhood that I know in my circles. He sends me postcards several times a month, wants me to visit, hugs me and tells me he loves me and that he's proud, gives me space. The dad who remembers the names of our childhood stuffed animals. Literally. I love him to death. He was also the only parent who engaged in activities with me and would play with me, later on take me to the movies, go to bars and restaurants, go to museums with me etc.
My mother got worse both psychologically and physically, she is chronically ill and needs immense support in a lot of things now. For about a year, my stepfather worked in a town far away and only came home during the weekends. This was during covid. Within a year, I developed a hatred so deep for my mother that I had thoughts that scared me. I took care of our pets and the household, was not allowed to get into any activities after school other than coming home and spent hours after my day listening to her rants, anxieties, fears. I get hateful goosebumps when I remember the way she used to call my name when she wanted me to do something for her. Sometimes she would make me stay awake for longer, knowing that I had to get up at 6am again. It was usually already around 12 at night. She wanted me to walk the dog before SHE went to bed because otherwise it would ruin her otherwise horribly insomniac circadian rhythm. Therefore I was not allowed to go to sleep. At that point she had not worked for more than 6 years and stayed home all the time. My stepfather and I did grocery shopping. She rarely ever leaves the house if she can avoid it. This was during the German version of my GCSE's.
I was denied medical care that could have potentially fixed my posture issues and other orthopedic issues. My mother deemed physiotherapy as inefficient and got mad when I asked her about it again. Money was always an issue. We were evicted once. I was denied certain things and never asked for extra cash because we ran low on money, my stepfather was blamed for smoking and consuming a lot of meat (which indeed is pricy), but my mother never reflected on her online shopping addiction and I'm aware that she is in an ongoing debt. Has been for years now.
Things got a bit better when my stepfather moved back and Covid cleared up somewhat. Regardless, I used pure spite to continue studying hard while they were yelling at eachother from the top of their lungs for hours on end and did the best I could to get the hell out of there. I've had therapy with several years' of breaks for a total of nearly 3 years now, that I partially applied for myself and I'm working on tackling everything. I live in a different city, studying subjects that I love. I get all my shit done, for the most part, I know how to do paperwork and know how all of the chores work. I can regulate myself in terms of sleep and food and cheap thrills. I have a (milder) case of anxiety. I keep meaningful friendships in which I find myself capable of avoiding all the harmful behaviors and attitudes I was taught. I'm learning to stand my ground and take responsibility for my own decisions and actions.
When I establish my boundaries with her now, she turns into some sort of anxious-attached mess. She over-apologizes to me. She puts me on a pedestal and I'm living a life that she is jealous of. She is intensely attached to me and considers me her favorite child and also hasn't properly gotten over my father, over 15 years of them being divorced. She will do anything to support me materially and then tear me down emotionally. Everything I tell her is followed by her mourning the life she doesn't have and never had instead of properly celebrating with me. She gets noticeably sad when I refuse to give her my full attention, she yearns for what she considered a deep and important relationship to me. But it was all just emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Now I sometimes can't help but meet her with the same attitude she gave me.
This is not perfectly chronological and all over the place. I have complicated relationships with my siblings and other relatives, which I don't mourn, but feel guilty about. My father and I are very good with eachother although I need to confront him about some things as well. With my mother I do the bare minimum to avoid conflict, yet without throwing my sense of self out of the window again. She is the only human who can easily cause anxiety attacks in me, no matter where or when. I sometimes wish I was not in contact with her. I have a tendency for smoking too much weed and being just a bit too careless with other drugs (although I rarely do those in comparison), but I also try and regulate this heavily (e.g. not finding a dealer but asking friends every once in a while etcetc). I think this stems from these experiences. Apart from that, I think I'm coping very well.
To everybody: it does get better. It does. Even when your emotions are a rollercoaster sometimes. You will be in a different place, maybe you already are, and you'll escape from these structures. I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is that I create my own reality and that nobody will give me my stolen childhood back. I am an (albeit young) adult now and I must do everything I can to avoid becoming like her. Her life is not a life I want to lead. There's hope and you won't always be in this place.

EXTREMELY LONG, YOU PROBABLY WANT TO GO TO THE BOTTOM AND JUST READ TL;DR
Oh well, hey there again. I wrote an earlier post yesterday, and I was once again dwelling into the said problem.
https://www.reddit.com/bupropion/s/U2PrMBuCRd
Well, someone pointed out the anticholinergic effects that Bupropion has, which I forgot about even though I extensively researched it a billion times the last few months (since starting Bupropion). I was looking at it again today.
I was having NEARLY ALL of the side effects of (high amounts only?) anticholinergics. Here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticholinergic
It's specifically ANTINICOTINIC, not ANTIMUSCARINIC.(I think, but definitely antinicotinic)
Its anticholinergic effects are debated as far as I understood it. But I'm fairly confident that I either am sensitive to anticholinergics, or my dose is simply too high.
Also, here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotinic_agonist the functions of nicotinic receptors, and the effects of stimulating(?) them. These are the reverse of what has happened to me with Bupropion (hence the antinicotinic effects)
Here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotinic_antagonist we can see its preferred receptors (not sure if it necessarily means "selective")
Regarding the functionality of the nicotinic acetylcholine receptors: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotinic_acetylcholine_receptor here you can see the associated Ganglion Type (a3b4), Heteromeric CNS Type (a4b2) and (a subset of?) Muscle Type (a1b1-gamma-epsilon/upsilon?) and Further CNS type (a3b4)
It's not listed for the Muscle Type, but the Ganglion, Heteromeric CNS and Further CNS type. All of these are the reason why it's sometimes used for nicotine addiction. (I think just like how Naloxone is used for opioid addiction, withdrawal and overdose?)
But these don't seem like the ones that would cause memory issues, brain fog and cognitive decline.
However, the more crucial part is that, Bupropion apparently also antagonizes mscarinic receptors https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscarinic_antagonist
Here, you can see the properties of every Muscarinic Receptor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscarinic_acetylcholine_receptor
Well, I thought since it's not listed as an MRA as well as Nicotinic Receptor Antagoniser specifically, it had absolutely no effects on Muscarinic Receptors. And as it turns out, it has the lowest (maxing out the scale, I think) as seen here again: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscarinic_antagonist
Which I thought meant it has one of the highest binding strength and thus one of the most potent antagonizer of Muscarinic Receptors. But it's the opposite, low Ki value = stronger binding affinity.
So, that's not the reason why it causes memory issues, focus problems and other cognitive issues. And the only culprit seems to possibly arise from it's Nicotine Receptor Antagonizarion.
I think the Muscarinic Antagonist side effects are what most people who experience side effects on Bupropion have, so this doesn't make sense... Nicotin Antagonism doesn't seem to have these kinds of effects, at least they don't have most of the super specific side effects that are listed under MRA (Muscarinic Receptor Antagonist) side effects.
Now I was back to square one. Looking at https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acetylcholine the only way anticholinergic substances can cause the side effects I talked about are Cholinesterase inhibitors, Cholinesterase synthesis inhibitors and releass inhibitors. None of which Bupropion has the properties of.
The one that fits with EVERY single side effect that I get from taking Bupropion, and the side effects that subside after stopping Bupropion have to do with Muscarinic Receptors' antagonisation and agonisation, respectively.
Looking here: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscarinic_acetylcholine_receptor Bupropion has almost no antagonist properties regarding Muscarinic receptors, as we've seen earlier.
The M1 receptor specifically seems to correlate with those properties, not the remaining 4 receptors.
I think the only possible answer is the fact that Bupropion blocking/inhibiting Nicotinic Acethylcholine Receptors somehow results in a disfunction of Acethylcholine - Choline life cycle. Especially after seeing this and a few other researches pointing out that Bupropion's effects on Acethylcholine Receptors are a functional analog of PCP, that is Phencyclidine https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1357272509001757 Regardless of this fact, it should be leading to downstream effects on the cholinergic system. Since Nicotinic Acethylcholine Receptors play a role in modulating the release of acetylcholine, their inhibition might be resulting in altered acetylcholine dynamics, potentially contributing to cognitive impairments.
Two more papers • Weber, M., & Changeux, J.-P. (2012). Nicotinic acetylcholine receptors: From structure to brain function. Reviews in the Neurosciences, 23(6), 593-607. • Dwoskin, L. P., & Crooks, P. A. (2002). Competitive neuronal nicotinic receptor antagonists: A new direction for drug discovery. Journal of Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics, 298(2), 395-402.
TL;DR:
That was a long day of indulging into pharmacodynamics as a person with absolutely no medical background, and I probably made a billion mistakes, false assumptions and didn't grasp it all properly. But the sheer amount of educated peoples conclusions resulting in these side effects, cognitive inpairment , having a hard time learning, and memory problems could only be caused by it's anticholinergic effects, I will be moving forward with that assumption.
I will be looking for a "Bupropion" that has no anticholinergic effects in any way whatsoever, so only the NDRI parts. Not sure if that exists, but I can't afford to worsen my cognition this way. So even if it did not exist and Bupropion was the only option, I would still end up not using it.
So yeah, I will update this once I try and get results, either bad or good, from whatever other medication/therapy etc. works the same way Bupropion does for me, but has non of the side effects (probably) caused by it's anticholinergic effects.

Life has just been too overwhelming recently, and i dont know what to do anymore. Here is my list of things which i am thinking about 24/7.
I suddendly started seeing my best friend once a week instead of everyday. I started missing my ex of 2 years. Met up for a date, find out she is dating someone else. Cant get out of bed and waste my days on my phone or computer. Dont have a passion. Couldnt graduate this year because of a university error (im a student 22). My dog died. Heart issues (probably anxiety but still feel like i could have a heart attack or something, doctor and hospital said its nothing a while ago.) Addicted to smoking (2-4 cigs a day) Dont have a job (this is not because i cant find one. I just want something that suits me). I dont feed myself properly, cant find the spirit to get out of the house.
All in all, i just dont know what to do. I want to get my life back on track and make myself proud. I was given the jackpot at birth, great parents, a headstart in money, the brains to get into college, not bad looking. And yet i wasted everything that was given to me up until now. I dont know, i just dont know what to do. How to get started on fixing myself.

My dad (70s) has been smoking for over 60 years. He smokes cigarellos (mini cigars) at a pack a day. I have migraines and cigar smoke is a major trigger. He flew out to spend a few days with his grandkids and has been smoking right outside the door. He will put out a half smoked smoke and put it in his pocket then come back inside my house. I’ve taken all the migraine medicine I can take without overdosing myself with it and I still am having pain from the smell. I bought him multiple different vapes ($75 worth) to try so I can even leave my own bedroom. He’s refusing to even try them, because it’s his “right to smoke” and I’m just being “difficult” because no one else has a problem with it. My biological family says that I need to stop being “upset” with him and that I just don’t understand addiction, so I shouldn’t even ask him to stop, slow down, or change his behavior.
AITA for asking him to try anything else to stop me from being in severe pain and unable to interact with my own kids?

Choosing to be good of heart is the same as good of mind and attitude. the discipline of which is the so called , oft not understood armor of God, by this discipline no spirits can be allowed in once a person makes that decision.
It is also the ONE understanding that emerges in the crystal shards visions i was given that shreds the veil of deception on the world, it is the one understanding that negates religions false teachings. "The divine heart" presence of the word.
I was shown no addiction can withstand the discipline of good heartedness so hopefully the smoking&etc will finally go away. State of origin visions from 4 years ago. my life is quite literally an exact replica of the protagonist in the kingdom animation. for sure ill be tested by the people at work who have tried ardently to destroy me in the last four years.
his depiction wasnt entirely correct as a timeline in kingdom but close enough, now that ive drawn the sword of truth it should begin. The truth is all that is eternal is a good heart all that is righteous and divine and all other things are deceptions stealing the energy of that eternal soul by deception for its own power which is then used against us within and without as it lords itself above us which is yet another deception.
anything other is a willful corruption of the heart an abomination that causes desolation standing in the holy place. Matthew 24:15–16 follows Mark 13:14 closely: "So when you see the abomination of desolation spoken of by the prophet Daniel, standing in the holy place , then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains"
In Daniel 8, one angel asks another how long "the transgression that makes desolate" will last; Daniel 9 tells of "the prince who is to come" who "shall make sacrifice and offering cease, and in their place shall be an abomination that desolates";
takes some discernment, at one time mankind made offerings and sacrifices to the good heart in each other. Good heartedness as a discipline suffered a long death and is as of possibly 9/11 or some time in the 90's in the icu on life support. foul spiritedness talking over most at this point check all the right vs left warfare and the mockery of so called patriots and liberals, the gnarling and gnashing of teeth.
if you had no idea this prophecy could be about the divine aspect of the heart youd fall to waste and teacher that dont understand its significance speak in deception. if you would have other than good heart how would it not be abominable? and how would those lower spirits allowed in not desolate you from the qualities of having a good heart., but if you can see it run from it to a place on high which is goodness and that is our divine source.
The heart is Gods throne, when you bring things that arent good into it you give that throne to the other and it takes rule over you.

I know it is kind a nonrelated for here but I write here because I have been doing meditation over 9 months regularly and sometimes I got into trancend ( or I just felt like it). Additionally, I was going psychothreapy and it has been intense lately which sometimes cause to me to feel a different individual every morning due to going some deep rooted stuff back from childhood. From the MJ event everything was going pretty decent. So before the exam we have thought that we may hang out and smoke. One of my friend is kind of addict and dont get high small amount and he added 0.7 grams into one cigarette which caused me to get too much high but after sleeping the highness didnt dissapear. It is not like I m not functioning or high like after smoke. It is like my brain couldnt sense my body for example I cant feel my breath or my fleesh when I m pinching. Also my mind just all over could not feel it as a whole. I m kind a scared about that it is psychological or related to psychotherapy or meditation so I have wrote here. Is there anyone have experienced this?

!LONG TEXT AHEAD!
I met her last summer and we hung out everyday for the whole summer and had like 5 sleepovers a week. I remember only 1 day in the whole summer i stayed home. It was fun and we did all types of crazy shit.
than school started and obviously we stopped having sleepovers but we still hung out after school non stop. Im not the most socal person as for the past 2 years i had 0 friends and loved my alone time very much and grew introverted. I found it exhausting to hang out eith her after school for like extra 6h. I didnt wana be rude so i just did it.
I felt like I didn’t really have a choice because once i had 1 week free of school and she asked if i wanted to come over trough text and i said no not today. i just wanted to stay home for a bit but instead of her just leaving me alone we ended up fighting for 1h straight. Just because i didnt want to leave my hose that day and i had not made any plans with her that day whatsoever. That was the first ever time i had told her i dont want to hang out with her and she went all out on me. She started mainly attacking me on how i never really socialised in public and made jokes like “bro gets socally drained after saying hello to her mother”. It ended up on her saying “now i know why you have no friends”. …like no.
After that i kind of stopped telling her if i dont wana hang out i just dont say anything and do it. She keeps telling me how im her number 1 person and how she trusts me the most and you know that type of stuff. I mean i am the only damn person she hangs out with basically so probably thats true but the issue is i dont feel the same way at all. Its not that she did anything wrong but i just dont feel the connection after all those months like not a single bit. If she stopped talking to me i would not give a single shit.
I allso own a gecko and her tank is in my room. And that girl comes over quite often after school with me and she has a vape addiction which i honestly dont mind as i smoke time to time myself. But the problem here is that she would allso refuse to leave the room to smoke else where or the bare minimum smoking out the window. She knows i cant speak up much so she walks over me and that is something i have noticed. She takes advantage of my very not much capability to speak up for myself or say no firmly. After a while i did get her to smoke out the window but still have to tell her each time she comes over. so thats a red flag.
As right now the school year is ending im failing 3 of my classes and she keeps going out on me how im effecting her too with my bad grades. Tell me if im missing something but how are MY bad grades effecting YOU. Not in an emotional way or anything because she says it that my grades bring down hers. And i dont see how unless its a group project. Not too long ago she got super mad at me over text on how im not doing shit and all that kind of stuff. I dont blame her for that because it is kind of true lol- But once we met the same day after that she gave me like an hour long speech on how if i dont change she will stop contacting me because she doesn’t wanr her grades to be bad because of mine. Again how tf are they effecting you.
The next day i missed 2 of the first classes and when i came to school everything was fine untill it was 4th class and she started yapping about it again. It wasn’t long after she grabbed my phone and put a screen time on it against my will. Saying it eill hellp me focus on my studies. She has no damn right to do that she is not my legal guardian. The same day after i got home i factory reseted my whole phone just to get rid of the screen time. i lost alot of my data but i was not gona live like that.
So i really dont know. I just feel like i never get my way when im with her.

I've heard a lot about the jax as an AI theory and even made it to film theory, one problem though. Someone asked goose works that if you could give Jack's anything but would it be, she responded with, opioids. Why would ai need opioids? Jax is mostly likely being a jerk because he's having withdrawal symptoms that caine can't fix because that is an issue when it comes to the brain he has said he cannot edit. And even if the AI just wanted to be cool and get addicted to them (for some reason) then where would he even get them? I don't think they can leave the circus without Caine, "but Caine and bubbles smoke!!” bubble said that she wanted to stop smoking, so they both know about addiction and what it can do to a person, so why would they willingly give Jax's opioids that would continue his addiction, also why would Jax's talk about his opioid problem? He probably doesn't even see it as a problem. Even so Kane most likely just fine whatever he likes into it unless it is an asset, the angel food cake could be from the restaurant that they go to in the first episode, or from Candy Kingdom, he is also giving them food as a reward so there are plenty of food assets for him to pick from, I highly doubt this most likely kids games would have opioids in it.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk

Did i left work on Friday early? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Did i not go to two big events with my friends this weekend because i thought i could even win some more? Yes cause 'm a gambler.
Did i lost 4500€ the last 3 days? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Did i feel sorry for what I am doing to me and my parents who worked their whole life their asses off to afford me a decent lifestsyle? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Do i drink enormous amounts of beer and smoke like a chimney? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Can i not look in the mirror and will think 24/7 about the last losses? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Do i not respond friends texts or calls? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Do my appartment looks like a mess? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Did i not spend a single dollar in myself for the hard work i do all day? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Do i still wear the same polo shirt i left work on friday? Yes cause I'm a gambler
Do I not know if I want to be together with a girl that is so patient and does almost everything for me? Yes cause I'm a gambler
Will i be sitting tomorrow again depressed in my appartement playing video games just to not think about what i have done? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Will i destroy my loved ones with my addiction and also their trust? Yes cause I'm a gambler.
Is their any hope of a better future where i can just live in peace not searching for a thrill? No cause I`m a gambler.