Dirty short sayings
Charles Bukowski
2008.08.09 23:08 Charles Bukowski
Charles Bukowski (16 August 1920 - 9 March 1994) was a German born American poet, novelist and short story writer.
2012.05.28 08:19 Taqwacore Resources for New Muslims
A resource sharing subreddit for New Muslims or those who are interested in embracing Islam.
2017.04.10 23:01 RamsesThePigeon Imitation Zen - I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha!
A musing with but a single meaning may inspire. A musing with a hidden meaning may provoke.
2024.05.20 07:10 MikuLovesYou I hate my house it's so dirty
When my friends come over they never want to sit on my couch. They don't even have to say that they don't want to sit on my couch because it looks dirty. I can just tell from their faces. They think my house is dirty and my family is dirty. I live with many siblings so there's always dirt on the floor, shoes everywhere, the table is cluttered and there's random junk everywhere. Our bathroom gets cleaned maybe once every 2-3 months. I hate living this way and I hate not having a welcoming home. Part of me thinks this is silly to vent about but I care so much about what other people think of me. I can't help it. And I know I should be grateful I even have a house, I know my vent sounds first world and superficial but I'm feeling something that's not nice and I won't ignore it
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2024.05.20 07:09 CringeyVal0451 Married Mary (Part 11): WAR
WAR
A few days later my phone buzz-chirped. I opened my messages to find several pics of Dennis' Jeep, a blurry mess of lights, and a final shot of Dennis leaning back in the driver's seat with his eyes closed and his junk out and at attention. And there was a caption.
"Consider us EVEN."
I saw red. The possibility of finding peaceful contentment with Whisky was a distant memory. A figment of my imagination. I wanted blood. I wanted to slap Mary's fat fucking face senseless. I wanted to rat her out to Chuck. I was livid. Angry heat spread from my sternum to my shoulders, and the sharp sting of wrath radiated through my being. I rang Mary.
Mary: How does it feel, bitch?
I couldn't make words. I was shaking. My head was spinning. All I could muster was a meek little, "Why???"
Mary: You owed me.
Me: Mary, I'm not screwing Whiskers. And how did you even FIND Dennis? Do you even LIKE him?
Mary: Totes! He's soooooo cute! We banged it out five or six times in his car, and then he told me to lie down in the parking lot. And then he pissed all over my titties! It was soooo hot!
Me: I don't believe you. Dennis is into some pervy-ass shit. But not piss.
Mary: Well, he told me you were too vanilla to do anything fun.
Me: YEAH. I didn't wanna get butt-blasted without a rubber by a guy who couldn't even be bothered to show up when we had plans. That's not being vanilla. That's having self-respect.
Mary: Guys don't like girls who make a big deal about self-respect. It's a major turn-off. That's why I get so much more boom-boom than you do. Hey! Now that we're done fighting, you can pick me up and take me out for sushi! I'll teach you how to make men happy and then you'll owe me dinner. I obviously pleased Dennis when you couldn't.
Words failed me yet again. I shouted a much, much filthier version of, "GO SCREW," hung up on her, put on my sneakers, and ran aimlessly through my neighborhood until I almost collapsed. Once I trudged back home, I smoked a shit-ton of cigarettes and drank a shit-ton of vodka (for me, which was like... three shots) and really did collapse.
Up to this point, I felt like I had been patient with Mary. More patient than she deserved. I probably hadn’t done her any favors by allowing her to behave like a fucking maniac while I did nothing more than gently suggesting alternative behaviors. I still wanted to have faith in her ability to grow (emotionally). But all of that came crashing down. For some reason, my formerly improved sense of self-respect crashed as well...
I texted Whisky, planned to meet him at his townhouse, and successfully banged him. It was absolutely a hate bang even though I didn't hate Whisky at all (yet). I'd never engaged in hate-fueled intimacy before. I didn't realize those two states could co-exist like that. As reluctant as I am to admit it, it was cathartic. And it was also admittedly unfair to Whisky because he had no idea what was happening. I had just used him to make myself feel marginally better about a guy I guess I still had some kind of feelings for.
In case I've been unclear, I'm fully acknowledging that my actions were immature, inconsiderate, and indefensible. Don't bang somebody just because you're mad at somebody else, kids. Nobody wins. Well, it might feel like winning for a short time. It's NOT. It's bad behavior. And I absolutely hold myself accountable. Did I deserve to get verbally abused by the psycho neckbeard lurking behind the mask of the man I’d just hate-banged? No. Unequivocally, NO. But would Whisky have been well within his rights to dump me in a spectacular fashion if he’d realized what I was doing in that moment? Abso-freakin-lutely. Hell, I would have totally deserved it if he’d booted me out of his house butt-naked and screamed insults from the window. An isolated hurling of insults is not the same thing as chronic verbal maltreatment within the context of a relationship. But that's a serious topic that feels out of place in this story.
So instead of calling me on my crap and giving my butt the boot, Whisky remained oblivious to what was going on in my misguided mind and took the hate bang to mean that our relationship had just gone to the next level. And he became even sweeter and more affectionate towards me. This made my skin crawl because all my feelings for Dennis (both good and bad) had just come flooding back with a vengeance. I had no idea what to do with them. Part of me wanted Dennis to hug me and apologize. Part of me wanted to punch him in the dick. Part of me wanted Whisky to hug me and assure me that I had value as a human being even if some Golden God hadn’t chosen me to be his partner. And then part of me wanted to snap at Whisky every time he touched me. "You're NOT the one I want, Asshat!!!!!!!"
But the truth was... I didn't really want Dennis anymore. I mean... I wanted him in theory, but I didn't want the real version. He was a flake. He was nasty. I couldn't wrap my head around his inconsistent, albeit devout, spiritual beliefs. He was indeed a braggadocious butthead. I suspected that he wasn't even a very nice person beneath his affable veneer. Even so, I was irrationally irate with Mary for deliberately stalking him and seducing him. Did she really think that would make me look at my relationship with Whisky differently? I hadn't stalked him. I hadn't even pursued him. In fact, I'd rejected him several times (albeit not out of respect for Mary). How are these two situations alike??? What am I failing to see here??? Maybe I was the villain. I certainly wasn't innocent. But neither was Mary.
I mean... Mary was friggin’ MARRIED. And she'd been going around blabbing indelicately about all her supremely nasty boom-boom (whether real or fabricated) with Whiskers, Scumbanger, Tech Guy, Artistic Director, and the Hoggs. How the living, breathing, God-forsaken FUCK had she decided that she was entitled to sexy time with my (former?) crush just because I was dating ONE of the innumerable guys she’d stalked once upon a time???? Gaaaahhhhhhhhh!
And then it got even worse. Dennis was almost finished with his graduate program and was planning to move to New York that summer, while I still had another two years to go (counting the internship). But we both worked in the Neuropharmacology Lab that semester, so I still had to see him every week. Even though nothing had happened between us in a long, long time, I never knew if Dennis was going acknowledge my presence or look right through me. The power of invisibility isn't all it's cracked up ti be. But the next time I saw him, following the Mary tryst, he very deliberately approached me and said in an almost apologetic tone, "Val? Can we please talk after lab?" I nodded.
He asked me to get in his car, but I couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the ghost of Mary's snail trail. I insisted that we sit in my car, and he didn't protest. The familiar scent of mandarins and mountain air wafted through my Prius as I steeled myself for a confrontation.
Dennis: I think your friend stalked me...
Me: The crazy bitch with the big boobs?
Dennis: Yeah... She messaged me on Facebook and she was talking like you'd told her about me and thought we should hang out. I said we should call you and invite you to come along, but she said you had a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: I'm dating someone. But what does it matter?
Dennis: Oh. I guess it doesn't. Anyway, I met her at this 24-hour diner. She drank like... ten beers even though I told her I don't drink. She kept talking about her cat or something...
Me: Whiskers?
Dennis: Yeah.
Me: That's a guy. She used to have a thing for him.
Dennis: That’s a guy’s name??? Weird. Well, anyway... She got all sloppy and literally started doing mouth stuff to me under the table.
My stomach turned and my blood boiled. "I don't need to hear that. She already told me all about your night. She sent me pictures of your dick and she told me how you peed on her in the parking lot."
Dennis: She said I WHAT??? Babe! Er. Um. Val! I would never do that.
I gave him a skeptical stare.
Dennis: Hand to God! I didn't pee on her. But, wait... She took pictures of my stuff???
I took out my phone and showed him the pic. Dennis blushed ferociously and looked away. Finally, he said quietly, "I'm so ashamed of myself."
I sighed. "You're always ashamed of yourself. That's why I stopped fooling around with you. It felt like you were ashamed of me, too."
Dennis: Babe! No. I just have to get right with God.
Me: Well, have you talked to God about Mary?
Dennis: I'm not ready for that one yet. I feel dirty. Like... dirtier than usual.
Me: Well, now I feel kind of guilty. She's mad at me because I'm dating a guy she used to have a crush on. She went after you because she knew I used to have a crush on you.
Dennis: You had a crush on me??? For real?
At first, I scoffed (thinking he was being sarcastic). Then I looked at his wide eyes and realized that he might have actually been that clueless.
Me: Yes, Dennis. I massively had a crush on you. You knew that. But I was apparently too vanilla for you, according to Mary.
Dennis: What??? Babe! I never said you were vanilla. I said you were classier than her.
Me: Well... Thank you? If that really is what you said to her, I appreciate that.
Dennis (striking his version of a smoldering pose): So. Uh... You still have a crush on me?
Me: I think I'll always wonder what could have been if we were each just... slightly different people. But I had to move on. I knew you didn't like me in that way, and it wasn't fair to either of us.
Dennis: Well, for what it's worth, I wish it had been your mouth the other night.
I finally smiled a little bit. I wished the same thing. But I didn't say that out loud.
Oddly enough, having that somewhat respectful, somewhat reassuring conversation with Dennis quelled my anger at Mary... a little. Don't get me wrong; I was still pissed and I never let her get close to me again after that. But I also never made a big, dramatic show of telling her off. In my mind, that would have invited more unnecessary drama. By tacitly distancing myself and henceforth keeping her at arm's length, she wasn't able to freak out over anything and I was able to keep her out of my business.
Years and years later, even now that Mary is a functional person with a healthy BMI, and much better manners (most of the time), she is still wont to bring up her tryst with Dennis. While I genuinely applaud her for putting in the work and making some sensible changes, I'll never be super buddy-buddy with her again. The fact that she still throws Dennis in my face to this very day makes me suspect that there remains a touch of cray in her gray matter.
And where Whisky was concerned, I had finally felt some sense of closure with Dennis after the aforementioned talk. So I leaned into a new relationship. And it was fine at first. Not super hot, but also not super weird. Having learned from my disgusting mistake, I know that I tend to get tempted to speculate about incredibly offensive crap regardingFunky Whisky whenever his behavior is unremarkable and not in keeping with the delightfully repulsive tone that this audience tends to enjoy. So I'll end this chapter here. In the next proper installment, I'll finally shed some light on The Goblinization. But before I wrap things up, I need to write a one-off about The Pie Guy and bring back some classic cringe!
submitted by CringeyVal0451 to ReddXReads [link] [comments]
A few days later my phone buzz-chirped. I opened my messages to find several pics of Dennis' Jeep, a blurry mess of lights, and a final shot of Dennis leaning back in the driver's seat with his eyes closed and his junk out and at attention. And there was a caption.
"Consider us EVEN."
I saw red. The possibility of finding peaceful contentment with Whisky was a distant memory. A figment of my imagination. I wanted blood. I wanted to slap Mary's fat fucking face senseless. I wanted to rat her out to Chuck. I was livid. Angry heat spread from my sternum to my shoulders, and the sharp sting of wrath radiated through my being. I rang Mary.
Mary: How does it feel, bitch?
I couldn't make words. I was shaking. My head was spinning. All I could muster was a meek little, "Why???"
Mary: You owed me.
Me: Mary, I'm not screwing Whiskers. And how did you even FIND Dennis? Do you even LIKE him?
Mary: Totes! He's soooooo cute! We banged it out five or six times in his car, and then he told me to lie down in the parking lot. And then he pissed all over my titties! It was soooo hot!
Me: I don't believe you. Dennis is into some pervy-ass shit. But not piss.
Mary: Well, he told me you were too vanilla to do anything fun.
Me: YEAH. I didn't wanna get butt-blasted without a rubber by a guy who couldn't even be bothered to show up when we had plans. That's not being vanilla. That's having self-respect.
Mary: Guys don't like girls who make a big deal about self-respect. It's a major turn-off. That's why I get so much more boom-boom than you do. Hey! Now that we're done fighting, you can pick me up and take me out for sushi! I'll teach you how to make men happy and then you'll owe me dinner. I obviously pleased Dennis when you couldn't.
Words failed me yet again. I shouted a much, much filthier version of, "GO SCREW," hung up on her, put on my sneakers, and ran aimlessly through my neighborhood until I almost collapsed. Once I trudged back home, I smoked a shit-ton of cigarettes and drank a shit-ton of vodka (for me, which was like... three shots) and really did collapse.
Up to this point, I felt like I had been patient with Mary. More patient than she deserved. I probably hadn’t done her any favors by allowing her to behave like a fucking maniac while I did nothing more than gently suggesting alternative behaviors. I still wanted to have faith in her ability to grow (emotionally). But all of that came crashing down. For some reason, my formerly improved sense of self-respect crashed as well...
I texted Whisky, planned to meet him at his townhouse, and successfully banged him. It was absolutely a hate bang even though I didn't hate Whisky at all (yet). I'd never engaged in hate-fueled intimacy before. I didn't realize those two states could co-exist like that. As reluctant as I am to admit it, it was cathartic. And it was also admittedly unfair to Whisky because he had no idea what was happening. I had just used him to make myself feel marginally better about a guy I guess I still had some kind of feelings for.
In case I've been unclear, I'm fully acknowledging that my actions were immature, inconsiderate, and indefensible. Don't bang somebody just because you're mad at somebody else, kids. Nobody wins. Well, it might feel like winning for a short time. It's NOT. It's bad behavior. And I absolutely hold myself accountable. Did I deserve to get verbally abused by the psycho neckbeard lurking behind the mask of the man I’d just hate-banged? No. Unequivocally, NO. But would Whisky have been well within his rights to dump me in a spectacular fashion if he’d realized what I was doing in that moment? Abso-freakin-lutely. Hell, I would have totally deserved it if he’d booted me out of his house butt-naked and screamed insults from the window. An isolated hurling of insults is not the same thing as chronic verbal maltreatment within the context of a relationship. But that's a serious topic that feels out of place in this story.
So instead of calling me on my crap and giving my butt the boot, Whisky remained oblivious to what was going on in my misguided mind and took the hate bang to mean that our relationship had just gone to the next level. And he became even sweeter and more affectionate towards me. This made my skin crawl because all my feelings for Dennis (both good and bad) had just come flooding back with a vengeance. I had no idea what to do with them. Part of me wanted Dennis to hug me and apologize. Part of me wanted to punch him in the dick. Part of me wanted Whisky to hug me and assure me that I had value as a human being even if some Golden God hadn’t chosen me to be his partner. And then part of me wanted to snap at Whisky every time he touched me. "You're NOT the one I want, Asshat!!!!!!!"
But the truth was... I didn't really want Dennis anymore. I mean... I wanted him in theory, but I didn't want the real version. He was a flake. He was nasty. I couldn't wrap my head around his inconsistent, albeit devout, spiritual beliefs. He was indeed a braggadocious butthead. I suspected that he wasn't even a very nice person beneath his affable veneer. Even so, I was irrationally irate with Mary for deliberately stalking him and seducing him. Did she really think that would make me look at my relationship with Whisky differently? I hadn't stalked him. I hadn't even pursued him. In fact, I'd rejected him several times (albeit not out of respect for Mary). How are these two situations alike??? What am I failing to see here??? Maybe I was the villain. I certainly wasn't innocent. But neither was Mary.
I mean... Mary was friggin’ MARRIED. And she'd been going around blabbing indelicately about all her supremely nasty boom-boom (whether real or fabricated) with Whiskers, Scumbanger, Tech Guy, Artistic Director, and the Hoggs. How the living, breathing, God-forsaken FUCK had she decided that she was entitled to sexy time with my (former?) crush just because I was dating ONE of the innumerable guys she’d stalked once upon a time???? Gaaaahhhhhhhhh!
And then it got even worse. Dennis was almost finished with his graduate program and was planning to move to New York that summer, while I still had another two years to go (counting the internship). But we both worked in the Neuropharmacology Lab that semester, so I still had to see him every week. Even though nothing had happened between us in a long, long time, I never knew if Dennis was going acknowledge my presence or look right through me. The power of invisibility isn't all it's cracked up ti be. But the next time I saw him, following the Mary tryst, he very deliberately approached me and said in an almost apologetic tone, "Val? Can we please talk after lab?" I nodded.
He asked me to get in his car, but I couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the ghost of Mary's snail trail. I insisted that we sit in my car, and he didn't protest. The familiar scent of mandarins and mountain air wafted through my Prius as I steeled myself for a confrontation.
Dennis: I think your friend stalked me...
Me: The crazy bitch with the big boobs?
Dennis: Yeah... She messaged me on Facebook and she was talking like you'd told her about me and thought we should hang out. I said we should call you and invite you to come along, but she said you had a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: I'm dating someone. But what does it matter?
Dennis: Oh. I guess it doesn't. Anyway, I met her at this 24-hour diner. She drank like... ten beers even though I told her I don't drink. She kept talking about her cat or something...
Me: Whiskers?
Dennis: Yeah.
Me: That's a guy. She used to have a thing for him.
Dennis: That’s a guy’s name??? Weird. Well, anyway... She got all sloppy and literally started doing mouth stuff to me under the table.
My stomach turned and my blood boiled. "I don't need to hear that. She already told me all about your night. She sent me pictures of your dick and she told me how you peed on her in the parking lot."
Dennis: She said I WHAT??? Babe! Er. Um. Val! I would never do that.
I gave him a skeptical stare.
Dennis: Hand to God! I didn't pee on her. But, wait... She took pictures of my stuff???
I took out my phone and showed him the pic. Dennis blushed ferociously and looked away. Finally, he said quietly, "I'm so ashamed of myself."
I sighed. "You're always ashamed of yourself. That's why I stopped fooling around with you. It felt like you were ashamed of me, too."
Dennis: Babe! No. I just have to get right with God.
Me: Well, have you talked to God about Mary?
Dennis: I'm not ready for that one yet. I feel dirty. Like... dirtier than usual.
Me: Well, now I feel kind of guilty. She's mad at me because I'm dating a guy she used to have a crush on. She went after you because she knew I used to have a crush on you.
Dennis: You had a crush on me??? For real?
At first, I scoffed (thinking he was being sarcastic). Then I looked at his wide eyes and realized that he might have actually been that clueless.
Me: Yes, Dennis. I massively had a crush on you. You knew that. But I was apparently too vanilla for you, according to Mary.
Dennis: What??? Babe! I never said you were vanilla. I said you were classier than her.
Me: Well... Thank you? If that really is what you said to her, I appreciate that.
Dennis (striking his version of a smoldering pose): So. Uh... You still have a crush on me?
Me: I think I'll always wonder what could have been if we were each just... slightly different people. But I had to move on. I knew you didn't like me in that way, and it wasn't fair to either of us.
Dennis: Well, for what it's worth, I wish it had been your mouth the other night.
I finally smiled a little bit. I wished the same thing. But I didn't say that out loud.
Oddly enough, having that somewhat respectful, somewhat reassuring conversation with Dennis quelled my anger at Mary... a little. Don't get me wrong; I was still pissed and I never let her get close to me again after that. But I also never made a big, dramatic show of telling her off. In my mind, that would have invited more unnecessary drama. By tacitly distancing myself and henceforth keeping her at arm's length, she wasn't able to freak out over anything and I was able to keep her out of my business.
Years and years later, even now that Mary is a functional person with a healthy BMI, and much better manners (most of the time), she is still wont to bring up her tryst with Dennis. While I genuinely applaud her for putting in the work and making some sensible changes, I'll never be super buddy-buddy with her again. The fact that she still throws Dennis in my face to this very day makes me suspect that there remains a touch of cray in her gray matter.
And where Whisky was concerned, I had finally felt some sense of closure with Dennis after the aforementioned talk. So I leaned into a new relationship. And it was fine at first. Not super hot, but also not super weird. Having learned from my disgusting mistake, I know that I tend to get tempted to speculate about incredibly offensive crap regarding
2024.05.20 07:09 BeesWax_dibby [TOMT] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED THE NAME OF THIS SCI FI MOVIE
I've made this account to ask this question about a movie I watched about a month ago on a movie site whilst I was half asleep and dozing off. I've tried so hard for hours and hours but I just cannot find the name of it. I'm sure it is a British movie about a alien invasion or UFO invasion perhaps? It doesn't seem to be old, if I had to guess a year I'd say between 2013 - 2023. It also seemed to have a low budget feeling to it and its not a big name. The overall feel of the movie is sci fi or horror with a focus on some kind of invasion or supernatural event, but I'm not entirely sure if its an alien invasion.
Here's the scenes I remember (they definitely happened):
*NOTE*: I may be wrong about the alien/ufo invasion, perhaps it was a war or something, but I'm sure the poster of the movie and name revolved around it.
I've already ruled out movies such as invasion planet earth, attack the block, under the skin, storage 24, comedown, the incident etc. The way I found the movie in the first place is funny, I was on this site called AZnude which is for explicit scenes from movies and TV shows as this TV show I watch didn't feature these deleted scenes, and thats when I came across it. I think at the bottom of the page it shows suggested actresses or something and I clicked on some random one, then her works showed up and thats when the scenes from this movie appeared, however instead of showing just explicit scene it showed like 12 minutes from the movie which seemed real interesting and thats why I was interested to watch the rest of it.
The postelook of the movie had similar feeling to invasion planet earth, alien conquest 2021 etc.
submitted by BeesWax_dibby to tipofmytongue [link] [comments]
Here's the scenes I remember (they definitely happened):
- Around the beginning of the movie, at night time, a woman exits her house from the front door dreaded with fear, I think she then looks around or up at the night sky and a UFO abducts her or flashes some kind of light. I think she might have had blonde hair and she was wearing a cut top that revealed a large portion of her chest.
- Later on there is a scene in a big nightclub party with lots of people. There's a female in a dress drinking and some asian origin (pakistani or indian) dude tries flirting with her, she smiles and reluctantly talks but then I think he tries touching her or doing something else, at which point some white dude tells him to back off or push him away, causing a little scene as he goes away.
- Shortly afterwards, both couples are in the same house/building and a scene plays where both couples are having sex in different rooms. One couple seem to be fierce and indulging in it heavily, whereas I think the other were a bit lackluster and motivated. Perhaps I'm wrong and the other didn't do anything at all.
*NOTE*: I may be wrong about the alien/ufo invasion, perhaps it was a war or something, but I'm sure the poster of the movie and name revolved around it.
I've already ruled out movies such as invasion planet earth, attack the block, under the skin, storage 24, comedown, the incident etc. The way I found the movie in the first place is funny, I was on this site called AZnude which is for explicit scenes from movies and TV shows as this TV show I watch didn't feature these deleted scenes, and thats when I came across it. I think at the bottom of the page it shows suggested actresses or something and I clicked on some random one, then her works showed up and thats when the scenes from this movie appeared, however instead of showing just explicit scene it showed like 12 minutes from the movie which seemed real interesting and thats why I was interested to watch the rest of it.
The postelook of the movie had similar feeling to invasion planet earth, alien conquest 2021 etc.
2024.05.20 07:07 Istanov12 Sydney Trains Query
Recently accepted a role within Sydney Trains due to start shortly! I'm extremely keen to get started and learn new skills.
I do currently have one question somewhat answered in a backwards weird way and would like further clarification!
I am set to start on a 12 month fixed term , my question, is this normal practice for all Sydney Trains? My performance in assessments and tests will dictate if i have a future working within Sydney Trains? If so I see it as more motivation to kick butt! however it makes little sense from my point of view to hire a temp role for 12 months only to say thankyou goodbye despite exceeding expectations.
submitted by Istanov12 to SydneyTrains [link] [comments]
I do currently have one question somewhat answered in a backwards weird way and would like further clarification!
I am set to start on a 12 month fixed term , my question, is this normal practice for all Sydney Trains? My performance in assessments and tests will dictate if i have a future working within Sydney Trains? If so I see it as more motivation to kick butt! however it makes little sense from my point of view to hire a temp role for 12 months only to say thankyou goodbye despite exceeding expectations.
2024.05.20 07:06 freeatlast20 Just trying to test the waters
So, I'm 60, a widower, and I gotta say, it's been quite the journey getting here. Lost my partner a while back, but lately, I've been feeling this itch to connect again, know? Life's too short to sit around moping, and I figure there's still plenty of adventure left. So, I'm putting myself out there, ready to meet new folks, maybe even find someone special to share this next chapter with. Who knows what's around the corner, right? But hey, I'm game to find out. Feel free to DM me and let’s chat a bit. I’m open to talk to any of you ladies.
submitted by freeatlast20 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 07:05 ExaminationOld6393 Tucking Properly and garments for all day tuck
TUCKING ALL DAY
A serious guide for a very sexy purpose
This guide is intended to provide information to help a person who is Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) the instruction for a comfortable way to be tucked for long periods of time and/or to achieve the smoothest appearance. Various clothing options will be provided as well as the pro’s and con’s of each one.
Disclaimer – This guide is intended for people who are 18 years of age or older. For serious tucking only. People who are pre-Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) or who are not going to change their hormones can experience some initial discomfort, pain, or even physical harm leading to a hernia. Consult your primary care physician at your next regular checkup, they will want to conduct an inspection of your lower abdomen for any potential signs of a future hernia. The test is simple involving some pressure being used outside your body to test for any signs of tears just below your skin. While a hernia is not likely to happen to most folks, it is highly worth a few few extra seconds at your visit to the doctor.
This guide should not be used as your only source of information. Please read the entire document before attempting the tucking method from section 2 of this guide.
Thanks, I hope this helps you get soft and smooth you wonderful people!
Section 1 - Terminology
Many people who want to tuck for extended periods of time do not want to refer to their genitalia by the medical terminology. This guide will use slang terminology instead.
Medical Term Term Used Here Definition Used Here
Testicles Berries Balls
Anus and Colon Bussy The surrounding skin is well shaven and the colon is cleaned and ready for penetration
Scrotum Coin Purse This does not include the testicles
Penis Clitty The shaft and head of the penis
Male Genitalia Meat Meaning the external portion, once the testicles are internal they are not included under “Meat”
? Grower A penis which is smaller when not erect
? Shower A penis which is approximately the same size whether flaccid or erect
Section 2 Tucking method
2-1 Tucking Intro
One of the goals of an All Day Tuck is for your Meat to stay in place and the important factors are proper coverage of the garment, sufficient compression of the Meat, and enough insulation to keep everything warm enough to remain a little moist. At times you may want to add a Boy Short panty or any women’s panty over your chosen tucking garments.
Prolonged tucking requires proper hygiene to avoid a yeast infection. It also requires a regular shave down there to avoid chaffing.
The first few times you tuck using this method there can be some initial discomfort or even pain. Do not push yourself too hard. You may want to ease into the full tuck by attempting this method but stop before following all steps. This can be similar to a little stretching before a physical activity. You will need to assess your level of pain, it should not be extreme.
At times you may want to tuck and experience difficulty because there is too much blood in the spongy tissue of your Clitty or you may not have the proper garments yet to contain a proper tuck. In these cases you can follow this tucking method and simply sit down at the edge of your bed or a chair to reduce the size of your swollen Clitty or just to hold your tuck in place
2-2 Hiding Those Berries!
You may need to crouch or lay on your side for best results. Begin by placing your dominant hand behind your back and between the legs.
Grasp the very bottom of your Coin Purse and give it a little tension by pulling gently downwards.
Maintain that light tension on the Coin Purse and bring it back towards your Bussy.
Your Berries should have risen and now be close to the base of your Clitty.
Using your non-dominant hand and spread your fingers in order to be able to manipulate both of your berries. (Live Long and Prosper hand sign From Star Trek)
Gently encourage your Berries upwards on either side of your Clitty. This is where discomfort or pain may occur.
*For novices. You may wish to focus on one Berry at a time if there is difficulty or pain. Just make a small circular motion on the underside of the Berry/Berries to encourage them upwards. There are small openings to the lower abdomen where Berries drop from in infancy. Those openings are usually smaller than your adult Berries, until they are gently stretched a little.
For those who are going to take HRT, an anti-androgen will be taken until such time as the berries cease to function. At that point they will likely become smaller, softer, and less sensitive. Tucking becomes much easier but reproductive functions will be greatly affect
Keeping your berries in the original position will increase their temperature. This will not have any feminizing effects on your body but will likely decrease your sperm production and I have no idea if it will affect production of Testosterone.
2-3 Getting The Meat Into Position
Once the Berries “pop” into position use your non-dominant hand to push your Clitty back towards your Bussy and against your Coin Purse. Note, you should still be using your dominant hand to maintain the position and tension on your Coin Purse.
The final step for this tucking method and just before you secure your tuck with appropriate clothing is to hold the tuck together by squeezing your thighs together.
The next section covers the popular clothing items used to maintain a tuck in a comfortable and sustainable way.
NO DUCT TAPE!!!
Section 3 Clothing To Secure That Tuck
Gaffs
I use many different brands and do not recommend any one over another. I will say that BBlair offers good quality and it’s Trans Owned! Gaff And Go offers gaffs with thinner waist straps. Pictured here is a transwoman who likely has less meat than average or an expert at minimizing There are many shapes and materials for modern gaffs. Stretch Satin is the most securing material and stretches less than other clothing options listed below, but has an optimal design. A stretch satin gaff is a great choice for beginners and experts alike. Some less desirable aspects are the cheaper models often do not have a narrow thong leaving to much material between the butt cheeks, they are generally 25-35 USD, and are less sexy or less like a woman’s panty.
Most of my 14 years tucking have been with Gaff panties.
No-Show Women’s Stretch Brief Panties
I have no brand opinions for these. You can just go to any women’s department and are likely to find something that works.
This is the most comfortable and least sexy option for securing a tuck, most suitable for a good night’s sleep. Multiple panties are layered with one or two being put on backwards. You may add a final layer with the panties put on in the intended position. You should experiment with panties one and two sizes smaller than recommended for your waist/hip size.
Your Meat may remain secured best if positioned a little more towards your front which can leave a little bulging with some outfits.
Even More Options – Advanced
Stripper Clothing!!! Bonus points!!!
Body Zone and The Beauty Cave offer options I have access to at a store near me. I am not endorsing these Brands over other brands, I just do not know of other brands that may work. These items are thin and stretchy unlike similar items designed for swimming, this is key.
Bikini Bottoms Method
This is great for those with less Meat or who are experienced with gaffs and with minimizing their Clitties.
Prepare your tuck and put a string bikini bottom on as a first layer. It should be located further back than intended so that the bottom of the Coin Purse and head of the Clitty will be contained. It’s okay if a little Meat sticks out over the top.
Put a second string bikini on as intended to be worn. This method may not work for everyone and will take some practice. A tie string bikini might help with it’s customizable tension.
This is the method I use for tanning and achieving porn star tan lines.
Conclusion
Compression
Comfort
Warmth
Find what works for you and have fun
SIT ON IT!!!
About the author
I was assigned male at birth. I am in my 40s now. I was deeply closeted until I was 30 years old and just ready for everything to end. I love this world and want others to have an easier time in life than I did. I love you all. See you around you sexy babes <3
submitted by ExaminationOld6393 to MtF [link] [comments]
A serious guide for a very sexy purpose
This guide is intended to provide information to help a person who is Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) the instruction for a comfortable way to be tucked for long periods of time and/or to achieve the smoothest appearance. Various clothing options will be provided as well as the pro’s and con’s of each one.
Disclaimer – This guide is intended for people who are 18 years of age or older. For serious tucking only. People who are pre-Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) or who are not going to change their hormones can experience some initial discomfort, pain, or even physical harm leading to a hernia. Consult your primary care physician at your next regular checkup, they will want to conduct an inspection of your lower abdomen for any potential signs of a future hernia. The test is simple involving some pressure being used outside your body to test for any signs of tears just below your skin. While a hernia is not likely to happen to most folks, it is highly worth a few few extra seconds at your visit to the doctor.
This guide should not be used as your only source of information. Please read the entire document before attempting the tucking method from section 2 of this guide.
Thanks, I hope this helps you get soft and smooth you wonderful people!
Section 1 - Terminology
Many people who want to tuck for extended periods of time do not want to refer to their genitalia by the medical terminology. This guide will use slang terminology instead.
Medical Term Term Used Here Definition Used Here
Testicles Berries Balls
Anus and Colon Bussy The surrounding skin is well shaven and the colon is cleaned and ready for penetration
Scrotum Coin Purse This does not include the testicles
Penis Clitty The shaft and head of the penis
Male Genitalia Meat Meaning the external portion, once the testicles are internal they are not included under “Meat”
? Grower A penis which is smaller when not erect
? Shower A penis which is approximately the same size whether flaccid or erect
Section 2 Tucking method
2-1 Tucking Intro
One of the goals of an All Day Tuck is for your Meat to stay in place and the important factors are proper coverage of the garment, sufficient compression of the Meat, and enough insulation to keep everything warm enough to remain a little moist. At times you may want to add a Boy Short panty or any women’s panty over your chosen tucking garments.
Prolonged tucking requires proper hygiene to avoid a yeast infection. It also requires a regular shave down there to avoid chaffing.
The first few times you tuck using this method there can be some initial discomfort or even pain. Do not push yourself too hard. You may want to ease into the full tuck by attempting this method but stop before following all steps. This can be similar to a little stretching before a physical activity. You will need to assess your level of pain, it should not be extreme.
At times you may want to tuck and experience difficulty because there is too much blood in the spongy tissue of your Clitty or you may not have the proper garments yet to contain a proper tuck. In these cases you can follow this tucking method and simply sit down at the edge of your bed or a chair to reduce the size of your swollen Clitty or just to hold your tuck in place
2-2 Hiding Those Berries!
You may need to crouch or lay on your side for best results. Begin by placing your dominant hand behind your back and between the legs.
Grasp the very bottom of your Coin Purse and give it a little tension by pulling gently downwards.
Maintain that light tension on the Coin Purse and bring it back towards your Bussy.
Your Berries should have risen and now be close to the base of your Clitty.
Using your non-dominant hand and spread your fingers in order to be able to manipulate both of your berries. (Live Long and Prosper hand sign From Star Trek)
Gently encourage your Berries upwards on either side of your Clitty. This is where discomfort or pain may occur.
*For novices. You may wish to focus on one Berry at a time if there is difficulty or pain. Just make a small circular motion on the underside of the Berry/Berries to encourage them upwards. There are small openings to the lower abdomen where Berries drop from in infancy. Those openings are usually smaller than your adult Berries, until they are gently stretched a little.
For those who are going to take HRT, an anti-androgen will be taken until such time as the berries cease to function. At that point they will likely become smaller, softer, and less sensitive. Tucking becomes much easier but reproductive functions will be greatly affect
Keeping your berries in the original position will increase their temperature. This will not have any feminizing effects on your body but will likely decrease your sperm production and I have no idea if it will affect production of Testosterone.
2-3 Getting The Meat Into Position
Once the Berries “pop” into position use your non-dominant hand to push your Clitty back towards your Bussy and against your Coin Purse. Note, you should still be using your dominant hand to maintain the position and tension on your Coin Purse.
The final step for this tucking method and just before you secure your tuck with appropriate clothing is to hold the tuck together by squeezing your thighs together.
The next section covers the popular clothing items used to maintain a tuck in a comfortable and sustainable way.
NO DUCT TAPE!!!
Section 3 Clothing To Secure That Tuck
Gaffs
I use many different brands and do not recommend any one over another. I will say that BBlair offers good quality and it’s Trans Owned! Gaff And Go offers gaffs with thinner waist straps. Pictured here is a transwoman who likely has less meat than average or an expert at minimizing There are many shapes and materials for modern gaffs. Stretch Satin is the most securing material and stretches less than other clothing options listed below, but has an optimal design. A stretch satin gaff is a great choice for beginners and experts alike. Some less desirable aspects are the cheaper models often do not have a narrow thong leaving to much material between the butt cheeks, they are generally 25-35 USD, and are less sexy or less like a woman’s panty.
Most of my 14 years tucking have been with Gaff panties.
No-Show Women’s Stretch Brief Panties
I have no brand opinions for these. You can just go to any women’s department and are likely to find something that works.
This is the most comfortable and least sexy option for securing a tuck, most suitable for a good night’s sleep. Multiple panties are layered with one or two being put on backwards. You may add a final layer with the panties put on in the intended position. You should experiment with panties one and two sizes smaller than recommended for your waist/hip size.
Your Meat may remain secured best if positioned a little more towards your front which can leave a little bulging with some outfits.
Even More Options – Advanced
Stripper Clothing!!! Bonus points!!!
Body Zone and The Beauty Cave offer options I have access to at a store near me. I am not endorsing these Brands over other brands, I just do not know of other brands that may work. These items are thin and stretchy unlike similar items designed for swimming, this is key.
Bikini Bottoms Method
This is great for those with less Meat or who are experienced with gaffs and with minimizing their Clitties.
Prepare your tuck and put a string bikini bottom on as a first layer. It should be located further back than intended so that the bottom of the Coin Purse and head of the Clitty will be contained. It’s okay if a little Meat sticks out over the top.
Put a second string bikini on as intended to be worn. This method may not work for everyone and will take some practice. A tie string bikini might help with it’s customizable tension.
This is the method I use for tanning and achieving porn star tan lines.
Conclusion
Compression
Comfort
Warmth
Find what works for you and have fun
SIT ON IT!!!
About the author
I was assigned male at birth. I am in my 40s now. I was deeply closeted until I was 30 years old and just ready for everything to end. I love this world and want others to have an easier time in life than I did. I love you all. See you around you sexy babes <3
2024.05.20 07:05 Content-Following202 WDID if my boyfriend would rather jerk off than be intimate with me?
So my boyfriend 25M and I 22F have been together for almost 4 years now and recently I have felt like he is loosing attraction towards me. I don't know what to do so I'm coming here for advice.
We met on tinder summer 2020, we met just to hook up but continued to hang out and ended up dating after about 1 week or 2. I had to go to another state for college but we continued to be together, I would drive to see him every other week (about a 3 hour drive) and would stay with him. Everything was good and we had intimate time often.
We figured out quite quickly that his love language is quality time and mine was physical touch. He has never been much of a touchy person so that was something I had to get used to.
Fast forward two years we both have graduated and now live together in his hometown. I love it here, our home, our life here. He has a great job that pays great and I am very grateful for him because without him I wouldn't be able to afford this life. I love my job (I am a teacher) but it gets stressful taking care of children all day. He worked very hard to get to were he is now so I am very proud of him for it.
I do most of the cooking, we split the cleaning and chores around the house. Yes we have had some disagreements over the years about things but we have always been able to talk it through and work something out that works for both of us when we have had a long week.
We have very good communication skills in our relationship so I have never felt like I can't talk to him about something that's been bothering me. So when it comes to this I feel like I have tried so much I am just tired of talking and ready for fixing.
About 2years ago I caught him talking to another girl, she blew him off but from what I understand (parts were said on Snapchat and the rest were on messenger) he just wanted pictures and she wouldn't send them. I was gone back to my hometown for a week. I called often but he didn't talk much. Hes not much a talker on the phone so I didn't think much of it, so when I got home and I saw the messages (he left his phone open in the bathroom). The next morning I confronted him and he said he was lonely and missed me. I told him that I need to talk to him and even FaceTime but he was always too tired or not in the mood.
It took about a month to get through that but I still feel alarms going off in my head when I see him on his phone late at night or closing out apps when I walk in the room.
I feel like that was the start of me feeling like he was looking interest in me. Sexually anyways. He was always loving it every other way, I felt comforted and cared for which I didn't get while growing up.
Since than it was good, we went on weekly dates, spent time together talked through emotions when we'd get overwhelmed or was having a hard time mentally because of stress. I love him and I always felt like he loved me.
But we still were not being intimate. When I would try he'd say he was tired from work or just not in the mood. I would try to get him in the mood with massages, dirty talk, foreplay, lingerie etc. But it just didn't do anything. I found a pattern that he'd only be in the mood in the morning on Saturdays or Sundays.
When I would bring it up he'd say he didn't realize that's what he was doing and he was sorry for making me feel like he wasn't attracted and that he loves me very much and he just doesn't have much of a sex drive because of the medication he is taking or work has been a lot. He was also getting his bachelor's online and that was also taking a lot of energy from him. I always understood.
One Friday when I got home I did the cleaning, I cooked and served him before he had his weekly gaming night with his friends I tried to get him in the mood and I was shut down like always. "I'm too tired and I just want to relax and get the game ready for tonight." Is what he said. So I left him alone, I had a good night by myself with dessert some wine and get up the bathroom for a bath.
Before I got in the tub I realized I forgot my robe in our bedroom, so I got on a towel and went over to get it and when I opened the door I found him in bed jerking off to some porn. Which I found out later that he doesn't watch porn on sites he comes on Reddit.
"I'm sorry, I forgot my robe!" I blurted out after I stood in the door a second stunned because I have never walked in on him before. I hurried and got my robe before sprinting out the door back into the bathroom. I heard him yell I love you and something else but I shut the door before I heard.
At first I laughed because it's embarrassing to be caught and it was just funny to be honest. Then I started crying, I felt like I hadn't cried in so long from how hard I cried. It hurt. To only be touched, kissed more than just a peck, once a month. It hurt more than I realized.
I understand that its easier to just take care of it yourself, I'm no one to judge, you know yourself best and there is no shame in that. And sometimes yes sex can take a lot of energy. But to be shut down every time, it wasn't like I was asking all the time like I'm a horndog, it fucking hurt.
After a few hours in the bathroom I finally went to bed and he was sound asleep. I felt like I was being dramatic, like I was crazy and I needed to get over myself.
The next day I explained how I have been feeling. How it feels like I'm just someone that comes home and cooks, takes care of things and then we sleep in the same bed.
He said he didn't notice this and thought everything was going good. I have brought up how little we have sex before and it was always the same answer. I told him that yes everything has been good, but I just don't feel like your attracted to me anymore, how we used to have sex weekly, more than once a week. After that we had more conversations and had intimate times more but still limited, I took what I could get.
It was still only when he'd be in the mood but still I felt like it had to have something else to get in the mood, like he'd only be ready after being on his phone or if his office/bathroom for a while. Or right when he'd come home from work. I still felt like I couldn't get him in the mood.
Lately at night he has been going out to the living room before bed saying he was too hot in the room, which I understood because he gets hot easy and I get cold so I always have multiple blankets. We sleep with separate blankets for that reason, which other people said is weird for a couple but I'm fine with it as long as I get my blankets.
As more of a joke I asked him if he goes to the couch to jerk off and then come back to bed. He said yes sometime. Which again hurt. I'm right here! What do I have to do to get some dick! He said he didn't want to lie and say no but he also didn't want to hurt my feelings.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I just want him to look at ME and see something he wants. I want him to want me. I want him to see me and think how sexy I am and want me. Am I not good enough? Do I gross him out? Have a done something to make him not want that from me? I am chubby, but he said he likes chubby girls and I never felt insecure about it till all this...What do I do?
submitted by Content-Following202 to whatdoIdo [link] [comments]
We met on tinder summer 2020, we met just to hook up but continued to hang out and ended up dating after about 1 week or 2. I had to go to another state for college but we continued to be together, I would drive to see him every other week (about a 3 hour drive) and would stay with him. Everything was good and we had intimate time often.
We figured out quite quickly that his love language is quality time and mine was physical touch. He has never been much of a touchy person so that was something I had to get used to.
Fast forward two years we both have graduated and now live together in his hometown. I love it here, our home, our life here. He has a great job that pays great and I am very grateful for him because without him I wouldn't be able to afford this life. I love my job (I am a teacher) but it gets stressful taking care of children all day. He worked very hard to get to were he is now so I am very proud of him for it.
I do most of the cooking, we split the cleaning and chores around the house. Yes we have had some disagreements over the years about things but we have always been able to talk it through and work something out that works for both of us when we have had a long week.
We have very good communication skills in our relationship so I have never felt like I can't talk to him about something that's been bothering me. So when it comes to this I feel like I have tried so much I am just tired of talking and ready for fixing.
About 2years ago I caught him talking to another girl, she blew him off but from what I understand (parts were said on Snapchat and the rest were on messenger) he just wanted pictures and she wouldn't send them. I was gone back to my hometown for a week. I called often but he didn't talk much. Hes not much a talker on the phone so I didn't think much of it, so when I got home and I saw the messages (he left his phone open in the bathroom). The next morning I confronted him and he said he was lonely and missed me. I told him that I need to talk to him and even FaceTime but he was always too tired or not in the mood.
It took about a month to get through that but I still feel alarms going off in my head when I see him on his phone late at night or closing out apps when I walk in the room.
I feel like that was the start of me feeling like he was looking interest in me. Sexually anyways. He was always loving it every other way, I felt comforted and cared for which I didn't get while growing up.
Since than it was good, we went on weekly dates, spent time together talked through emotions when we'd get overwhelmed or was having a hard time mentally because of stress. I love him and I always felt like he loved me.
But we still were not being intimate. When I would try he'd say he was tired from work or just not in the mood. I would try to get him in the mood with massages, dirty talk, foreplay, lingerie etc. But it just didn't do anything. I found a pattern that he'd only be in the mood in the morning on Saturdays or Sundays.
When I would bring it up he'd say he didn't realize that's what he was doing and he was sorry for making me feel like he wasn't attracted and that he loves me very much and he just doesn't have much of a sex drive because of the medication he is taking or work has been a lot. He was also getting his bachelor's online and that was also taking a lot of energy from him. I always understood.
One Friday when I got home I did the cleaning, I cooked and served him before he had his weekly gaming night with his friends I tried to get him in the mood and I was shut down like always. "I'm too tired and I just want to relax and get the game ready for tonight." Is what he said. So I left him alone, I had a good night by myself with dessert some wine and get up the bathroom for a bath.
Before I got in the tub I realized I forgot my robe in our bedroom, so I got on a towel and went over to get it and when I opened the door I found him in bed jerking off to some porn. Which I found out later that he doesn't watch porn on sites he comes on Reddit.
"I'm sorry, I forgot my robe!" I blurted out after I stood in the door a second stunned because I have never walked in on him before. I hurried and got my robe before sprinting out the door back into the bathroom. I heard him yell I love you and something else but I shut the door before I heard.
At first I laughed because it's embarrassing to be caught and it was just funny to be honest. Then I started crying, I felt like I hadn't cried in so long from how hard I cried. It hurt. To only be touched, kissed more than just a peck, once a month. It hurt more than I realized.
I understand that its easier to just take care of it yourself, I'm no one to judge, you know yourself best and there is no shame in that. And sometimes yes sex can take a lot of energy. But to be shut down every time, it wasn't like I was asking all the time like I'm a horndog, it fucking hurt.
After a few hours in the bathroom I finally went to bed and he was sound asleep. I felt like I was being dramatic, like I was crazy and I needed to get over myself.
The next day I explained how I have been feeling. How it feels like I'm just someone that comes home and cooks, takes care of things and then we sleep in the same bed.
He said he didn't notice this and thought everything was going good. I have brought up how little we have sex before and it was always the same answer. I told him that yes everything has been good, but I just don't feel like your attracted to me anymore, how we used to have sex weekly, more than once a week. After that we had more conversations and had intimate times more but still limited, I took what I could get.
It was still only when he'd be in the mood but still I felt like it had to have something else to get in the mood, like he'd only be ready after being on his phone or if his office/bathroom for a while. Or right when he'd come home from work. I still felt like I couldn't get him in the mood.
Lately at night he has been going out to the living room before bed saying he was too hot in the room, which I understood because he gets hot easy and I get cold so I always have multiple blankets. We sleep with separate blankets for that reason, which other people said is weird for a couple but I'm fine with it as long as I get my blankets.
As more of a joke I asked him if he goes to the couch to jerk off and then come back to bed. He said yes sometime. Which again hurt. I'm right here! What do I have to do to get some dick! He said he didn't want to lie and say no but he also didn't want to hurt my feelings.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I just want him to look at ME and see something he wants. I want him to want me. I want him to see me and think how sexy I am and want me. Am I not good enough? Do I gross him out? Have a done something to make him not want that from me? I am chubby, but he said he likes chubby girls and I never felt insecure about it till all this...What do I do?
2024.05.20 07:05 DaSchmoe I've had a recurring theme of cannibalism in my dreams lately
Just a brief introduction before we get into the dream. I am 17(m) and I regularly have extremely vivid dreams where I'm fully engrossed and believe 100% that what I'm experiencing is reality and not a dream. I wake up daily either sad or relieved that what I had experienced in the night wasn't reality. As you can imagine this makes dreams either blissful or horrifying, depending on the contents. Another thing to note is that this is probably the third dream I've had where someone has been trying to eat me.
So basically the first thing I can remember in the dream was that I was with 2 of my buddies and we were riding Hogs (Yes, large pigs) down the highway at 120 mph+. Extremely fun and exhilarating as we passed by car after car at extremely high speeds. After a while, we take a turn to the left and start taking a trail through the most beautiful valley. The sun is shining down with a yellowy and orangish tint. The grass around me is swaying in the wind all across these countless hills. Truly one of the most beautiful scenes of nature I've ever seen, I couldn't have predicted what would happen next. We eventually come across a small town with a tavern and a bunch of people sitting, drinking, and watching something happen in a pit. I forget what was going on inside the pit but I don't recall it being anything bad, a soccer match perhaps? (That's what my mind is leaning towards anyway). Overtime me and 1 buddy of mine get to know the people of the town a bit better and the town leader (I wouldn't call him the mayor, he was more of just a leading figure in their community than a mayor, but I'll call him that anyway for convenience). (Something to note is that the mayor is a tall and strong man, probably about 7 feet tall and heavy, I couldn't tell you how heavy tho) The mayor was extremely hospitable to us and even showed us a place to stay with another person who also seemed to be traveling along and staying for a while. (I don't know exactly where my third friend went, however, I'm quite certain he stayed on the road and continued towards our original direction). The traveler (As I'll call him) was around 6ft 70kg and black in skin color. He was a kind, quiet fellow. However, he didn't really wanna make too much eye contact with me (which will make sense later on). I didn't think too much of it at the time. The day passes by without much else happening and I fall asleep in the same room as the traveler with my friend there alongside me, and we wake up in the morning. The next morning we are sitting at the bar when all of a sudden the mayor walks out of the back and right past me with two rather fancy antique cheese knives in each hand. I could feel the dread build up inside me for a split second. (I thought he was coming to kill me) I quickly become slightly relieved after he walks straight past me, however, that was short-lived as he shouts something to someone else and sticks him with both knives right in the chest. It was horrifying to witness the breath and life get sucked out of that man right before my very eyes, it was so real. There was also a sound effect of a deep "bumm" sound the second he stabbed him, only adding to the severity of the moment. I was about to start fighting the mayor but before I did, I realized everyone in the town was on his side. They started chanting and all looked at me and my friend as though they were going to kill us next. It was at this moment I realized all these people were cannibals luring victims into their town to kill and eat. I instantly became disgusted as I had eaten some of their meat the prior day. I was scared and began to run, however I didn't get far before eventually being taken down and captured. (This was the last thing I remember before being ported back at the start of when I first came across the town). I had died but it was as though I was given a second chance to try and survive this encounter (This had never happened to me in a dream before, I had never died in any of the dreams leading up to this point). I walked through the town and into the tavern keeping a cool face despite knowing full well what was going to happen the following day. I got back to the part where the mayor introduced me to the traveler, I looked at him with disdain as I realized he had sided with the cannibals. This is why he couldn't look me in the eyes, he was too ashamed of the fact he knew what would happen to us. I'm dreading going to sleep in this tavern as I know that these people are trying to eat me ("What if they get me in my sleep" is what I was thinking at the time). To my surprise the event didn't wait for the next day this time, it was happening now, just as I had sat down at the bar. I watched the mayor rush past me again and try to stab the same man. I caught on faster this time and stopped him. This time I was ready to fight back properly. To my surprise, the traveler stood up and helped me and my friend, however, the sheer number of the people was too much and they took him down. I was with my friend and while they were jumping the traveler we ran. I'm sorry, I knew we couldn't win, so we ran. I'm sorry. Eventually, the mayor catches up to us and we have a little scuffle, I throw a pizza box clumsily at his face as I scramble to put anything between me and the two knives. Eventually, I make it outside the tavern however the scenery is different. Now I'm in the driveway of a house inside a large neighborhood. The neighborhood was upper-class with beautiful trees and trimmed hedges. I stopped worrying about the cannibals as I heard voices in the distance shouting at me. I was instantly relieved as I soon saw who was coming, it was simply a gang of teens looking to fight, this put me at ease knowing I wasn't facing a 7-foot man armed with knives and his entire town but instead a gang of teens riding bicycles. For some reason I knew where these kids were from, I recognized their voices, and I knew what school they went to despite them wearing disguises. I walked up to the first guy and drop-kicked his hip which sent him to the ground, I shouted for the others to come fight but they ran away. I shouted back at them saying how I knew who their teacher was and shouted a name back at them (I forget the name). All of a sudden I'm no longer in the driveway but instead lying down staring at a large TV out in the open air. The TV had Wallpaper engine on it with all of my wallpapers, I remember a specific one which was Ornstein from DS1, if you know who that is. Alongside me was no longer my friend, but my youngest sister. She was whispering something in my ear as a song played loudly in the other. I wish I could remember what she was trying to tell me as maybe it was the answer as to why I was having this dream. I woke up shortly after with a depressed and horrified, yet relieved feeling as I realized that dream wasn't reality.
The wallpaper I remember seeing
https://preview.redd.it/9g51ro29di1d1.png?width=259&format=png&auto=webp&s=33840eedbf13dbb2e00274c0c66a3a89d2e53e36
This was the song I was hearing loudly in my other ear 11:15-11:47 https://youtu.be/rbw_n0LWpfo
The weird thing is I haven't listened to this song in about a year. I dont know why I was hearing it so vividly.
I guess I made this post because I just want to know why I'm having these dreams. I have a few guesses but I'm curious what you guys might have to say.
submitted by DaSchmoe to Dreams [link] [comments]
So basically the first thing I can remember in the dream was that I was with 2 of my buddies and we were riding Hogs (Yes, large pigs) down the highway at 120 mph+. Extremely fun and exhilarating as we passed by car after car at extremely high speeds. After a while, we take a turn to the left and start taking a trail through the most beautiful valley. The sun is shining down with a yellowy and orangish tint. The grass around me is swaying in the wind all across these countless hills. Truly one of the most beautiful scenes of nature I've ever seen, I couldn't have predicted what would happen next. We eventually come across a small town with a tavern and a bunch of people sitting, drinking, and watching something happen in a pit. I forget what was going on inside the pit but I don't recall it being anything bad, a soccer match perhaps? (That's what my mind is leaning towards anyway). Overtime me and 1 buddy of mine get to know the people of the town a bit better and the town leader (I wouldn't call him the mayor, he was more of just a leading figure in their community than a mayor, but I'll call him that anyway for convenience). (Something to note is that the mayor is a tall and strong man, probably about 7 feet tall and heavy, I couldn't tell you how heavy tho) The mayor was extremely hospitable to us and even showed us a place to stay with another person who also seemed to be traveling along and staying for a while. (I don't know exactly where my third friend went, however, I'm quite certain he stayed on the road and continued towards our original direction). The traveler (As I'll call him) was around 6ft 70kg and black in skin color. He was a kind, quiet fellow. However, he didn't really wanna make too much eye contact with me (which will make sense later on). I didn't think too much of it at the time. The day passes by without much else happening and I fall asleep in the same room as the traveler with my friend there alongside me, and we wake up in the morning. The next morning we are sitting at the bar when all of a sudden the mayor walks out of the back and right past me with two rather fancy antique cheese knives in each hand. I could feel the dread build up inside me for a split second. (I thought he was coming to kill me) I quickly become slightly relieved after he walks straight past me, however, that was short-lived as he shouts something to someone else and sticks him with both knives right in the chest. It was horrifying to witness the breath and life get sucked out of that man right before my very eyes, it was so real. There was also a sound effect of a deep "bumm" sound the second he stabbed him, only adding to the severity of the moment. I was about to start fighting the mayor but before I did, I realized everyone in the town was on his side. They started chanting and all looked at me and my friend as though they were going to kill us next. It was at this moment I realized all these people were cannibals luring victims into their town to kill and eat. I instantly became disgusted as I had eaten some of their meat the prior day. I was scared and began to run, however I didn't get far before eventually being taken down and captured. (This was the last thing I remember before being ported back at the start of when I first came across the town). I had died but it was as though I was given a second chance to try and survive this encounter (This had never happened to me in a dream before, I had never died in any of the dreams leading up to this point). I walked through the town and into the tavern keeping a cool face despite knowing full well what was going to happen the following day. I got back to the part where the mayor introduced me to the traveler, I looked at him with disdain as I realized he had sided with the cannibals. This is why he couldn't look me in the eyes, he was too ashamed of the fact he knew what would happen to us. I'm dreading going to sleep in this tavern as I know that these people are trying to eat me ("What if they get me in my sleep" is what I was thinking at the time). To my surprise the event didn't wait for the next day this time, it was happening now, just as I had sat down at the bar. I watched the mayor rush past me again and try to stab the same man. I caught on faster this time and stopped him. This time I was ready to fight back properly. To my surprise, the traveler stood up and helped me and my friend, however, the sheer number of the people was too much and they took him down. I was with my friend and while they were jumping the traveler we ran. I'm sorry, I knew we couldn't win, so we ran. I'm sorry. Eventually, the mayor catches up to us and we have a little scuffle, I throw a pizza box clumsily at his face as I scramble to put anything between me and the two knives. Eventually, I make it outside the tavern however the scenery is different. Now I'm in the driveway of a house inside a large neighborhood. The neighborhood was upper-class with beautiful trees and trimmed hedges. I stopped worrying about the cannibals as I heard voices in the distance shouting at me. I was instantly relieved as I soon saw who was coming, it was simply a gang of teens looking to fight, this put me at ease knowing I wasn't facing a 7-foot man armed with knives and his entire town but instead a gang of teens riding bicycles. For some reason I knew where these kids were from, I recognized their voices, and I knew what school they went to despite them wearing disguises. I walked up to the first guy and drop-kicked his hip which sent him to the ground, I shouted for the others to come fight but they ran away. I shouted back at them saying how I knew who their teacher was and shouted a name back at them (I forget the name). All of a sudden I'm no longer in the driveway but instead lying down staring at a large TV out in the open air. The TV had Wallpaper engine on it with all of my wallpapers, I remember a specific one which was Ornstein from DS1, if you know who that is. Alongside me was no longer my friend, but my youngest sister. She was whispering something in my ear as a song played loudly in the other. I wish I could remember what she was trying to tell me as maybe it was the answer as to why I was having this dream. I woke up shortly after with a depressed and horrified, yet relieved feeling as I realized that dream wasn't reality.
The wallpaper I remember seeing
https://preview.redd.it/9g51ro29di1d1.png?width=259&format=png&auto=webp&s=33840eedbf13dbb2e00274c0c66a3a89d2e53e36
This was the song I was hearing loudly in my other ear 11:15-11:47 https://youtu.be/rbw_n0LWpfo
The weird thing is I haven't listened to this song in about a year. I dont know why I was hearing it so vividly.
I guess I made this post because I just want to know why I'm having these dreams. I have a few guesses but I'm curious what you guys might have to say.
2024.05.20 07:05 ixikzisigwvbend Rank of handsome football manager
 | Since the season has ended let me share something different. I’m a gay man into elder man, especially in formal attire. Here’s my rank of some of the football managers I find attrtactive submitted by ixikzisigwvbend to soccercirclejerk [link] [comments]
3 Ange posteguelo(or something like that I forget his last time): as an arsenal fan I should hate spurs manager, and he’s also very chubby. But this guy gives me a huge daddy vibe that makes me want to cuddle with him. 2 Jesse Marsch: he’s too young for me. But fuck me he’s got. If he was 60 yo I’d masturbate at his pic every day
|
2024.05.20 07:05 LucyAriaRose Conclusion 10 months later: AITA for breaking my fiancé's family tradition by naming my son what I wanted?
I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still . She posted in and .
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)
submitted by LucyAriaRose to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)
OOP: I really do think this is over. My fiancé's parents don't know when or where we're getting married, so I'm not worried about them showing up. They haven't reached out to us in months, and we have no interest in contacting them.
2024.05.20 07:04 Significant-Tower146 Best Centerpoint Scopes
 | submitted by Significant-Tower146 to u/Significant-Tower146 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/hanxzpkbki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a97b9b2a33326268a179c55737905267d133114 Welcome hunters and shooting enthusiasts! If you're looking to elevate your shooting experience, you've come to the right place. Let's dive into the world of Centerpoint Scopes, a leading brand in hunting optics. We've rounded up some of their top-tier products, each with unique features designed to cater to every shooter's needs. The Top 19 Best Centerpoint Scopes
Reviews🔗Killer Instinct Lumix Speedring Crossbow Scope: Improved Targeting for Huntinghttps://preview.redd.it/h5bajq2cki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=84abfbc6b1ce31df3b82ee257f840537498c2c48 Using the Killer Instinct MSCKI-1020 Lumix Speedring 1.5 to 5 x 32 IR-E Crossbow Scope has been quite an experience. The scope has made hunting much more enjoyable for me, thanks to its amazing abilities to lock onto and track moving targets from vast distances. One of the features that really stood out is the durability of the metal case. This thing has a real tank-like feel to it, resisting impacts and harsh weather as if it was made for it. The spring-loaded covers on the lenses also proved to be quite reliable, keeping the lenses safe and scratchless until I was ready to hunt. The built-in Speed Ring is another aspect of the scope that has impressed me. Making adjustments for my crossbow's speed has been a breeze, and the illuminated reticle is a big help when it comes to sighting in low-light conditions. I particularly appreciate the contrast the red/blue illumination provides. However, there was one downside that I found a little disturbing. The scope came in a condition that made it apparent that someone had used it before. I was not happy with this fact, especially considering I had paid for a brand new product. Overall, the MSCKI-1020 Lumix Speedring 1.5 to 5 x 32 IR-E Crossbow Scope is a product that I would recommend, even with its minor fault. It certainly helped me become a better hunter, and it would do the same for anyone looking to enhance their hunting experience. 🔗Killer Instinct Lumix 4x32 Black Ir-E Crossbow Scope with LED Illuminationhttps://preview.redd.it/lnbgjpgcki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18565c92db7821448f52d9020ce5cbcb40445293 I recently had the opportunity to try out the Killer Instinct Lumix 4x32 Ir-E Crossbow Scope. This black 1021 model was a great addition to my hunting gear, providing exceptional clarity thanks to its multicoated optics and 1-inch mono tube construction. The fast focus eyepiece is a game-changer, allowing me to quickly adjust my sight even when on the move. One feature that stood out was the illuminated cross-hair reticle, which came in both blue and red. It was perfect for low-light situations, making it easier for me to spot my target. I appreciated the adjustment click value of 0.5 inches at 100 yards, as it gave me accurate and consistent shot adjustments. However, there were a few downsides to this otherwise great scope. The exit pupil was smaller than I would have liked, making it a bit more challenging to see the cross-hair reticle at times. Additionally, the scope's weight was lighter than expected, which might not have been ideal for everyone. Overall, I'm happy with my experience using the Killer Instinct Lumix 4x32 Ir-E Crossbow Scope. It's a quality product with some small drawbacks, but its pros certainly outweigh the cons. If you're in the market for a reliable crossbow scope, this one is definitely worth considering. 🔗Compact Variable Multi-Reticle Crossbow Scope for 300-410 fps Shootinghttps://preview.redd.it/df8zvaucki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7233e5370b0262af888d76641291526e147c000 As a reviewer who's been using the Dead-Zone Scope from Excalibur, I can confidently say it's a game-changer for crossbow enthusiasts. This 32mm, 1" tube scope offers unparalleled light transmission and clarity that makes it an ideal choice for those who prefer the thrill of hunting. Its variable multi-reticle design suits crossbows shooting in the 300-410 fps range, providing a perfect fit even for experienced hunters. One of my favorite features is the bold crosshairs, which make it easy to sight in, even for us who don't have the sharpest eyesight. The scope provides a crystal-clear view, which has been essential in my hunting endeavors, hitting the bullseye consistently at 60 yards. Installation was a breeze, and the ease of adjusting the focus makes it a standout product. However, one thing that could be improved is the set screw. After a little mishap with the speed ring, it's proven to be a bit tricky to tighten back up. Apart from that, I wholeheartedly recommend this Dead-Zone Scope to anyone looking for an accurate and reliable companion on their hunting adventures. 🔗Powerful Dual-Speed Digiscoping Scope with Extra Low Dispersion Lenshttps://preview.redd.it/ao6gub7dki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06bc82eb96070c825ec1109ae09626d9312299ba Recently, I had the chance to get my hands on the Knight PT 72mm f/6.0 Ed-Apo Photography Scope from Snypex. This digiscoping scope was a game changer for my photography, allowing me to capture stunning images with my DSLR camera. One of the standout features of this scope was the dual speed focuser. It made it incredibly easy to achieve precise focus, even in low-light conditions. The scope's focal length of 432mm and f-stop of f6.0 provided a beautiful and sharp image, which was especially noticeable when using the optional eyepiece. Moreover, the scope was built to last, with a durable white paint coating on its aluminum housing. The 1/4"-20 tripod mounts at both ends of the shoe made it easy to balance the weight, and the integrated dovetail plate was a handy addition for quick-release heads. However, I did encounter a minor issue when trying to attain focus on stars. Despite the scope's apochromatic doublet lens, I found that achieving proper focus was a bit challenging. Additionally, while the price was reasonable at $160, I noticed that it was listed for a much higher price on the product website. Overall, the Knight PT 72mm f/6.0 Ed-Apo Photography Scope from Snypex is a powerful and versatile tool for photography enthusiasts. With a few minor adjustments, it could become an exceptional choice for both digiscoping and spotting scopes. 🔗Bresser 88-20009 Spotting Scope Camera for Exploring Hard-to-Reach Spaceshttps://preview.redd.it/g1rv7whdki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8db4446214fc011dc903fb161e4b18900ed55e93 Bresser See-It Scope HD: A Handy Tool for Exploring the Hidden Recently, I found myself in a situation where I needed to take a closer look at something in a hard-to-reach place. I grabbed my Bresser See-It Scope HD, set up the flexible coil and bright LED light, and got to work. One of the most impressive things about this scope is its versatility in navigating tight spaces. The coil is flexible and easy to maneuver, allowing me to explore various angles of the subject. Plus, the bright LED light was a game-changer when it came to illuminating dark areas. The 2.31-inch LCD screen is large enough to gather a group of friends or coworkers around to view the action together. I appreciate how the digital camera mounted on the coil makes it easy to record video and take photos without having to switch to a different device. That being said, there were a few downsides to using the Bresser See-It Scope HD. For one, the scope's 1 times magnification might not be enough for those looking for a more detailed view. Additionally, I noticed that the device's image quality wasn't on par with higher-end digital camera options. Overall, the Bresser See-It Scope HD is a handy tool for those seeking accessibility and illumination in hard-to-reach areas. While its digital camera feature leaves room for improvement, the flexibility and bright LED light make it a worthwhile addition to any toolbox. 🔗Affordable 20-60x60 WP Blackhawk Spotting Scope with Rubber Armor and High-Quality Opticshttps://preview.redd.it/2yurib1eki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f8c1dff1bb1b29e20640a076fdba51962554112 Recently, I found myself using the Barska Blackhawk 20-60x60 Spotting Scope, and I must say it exceeded my expectations. As someone who enjoys outdoor activities, this scope proved to be an essential companion. One of the remarkable features of this scope is its wide variety of models with variable zoom magnifications. It allows me to see objects in greater detail no matter the situation. The multi-coated optics maximize light transmission, resulting in superior brightness and clarity, even during darker hours. In addition, the massive objective lens delivers brighter images in low-light conditions. The rubber armor offers protection and shock absorption, while its ergonomic design enhances overall handling. Its convenient and good portability is a game-changer for someone like me who loves to explore the outdoors. The spotting scope is perfect for all-weather conditions, and the built-in Porro prism system offers greater depth perception and a wider field of view. However, one downside I encountered was difficulty achieving clear focus at the highest zoom level. Fortunately, a slight adjustment in focus corrected the issue, and I was able to enjoy the scope's remarkable performance once again. In conclusion, the Barska Blackhawk 20-60x60 Spotting Scope is a reliable and versatile tool for anyone who appreciates the beauty and detail of the outdoors. Its impressive features, coupled with its budget-friendly price, make it a worthy investment for anyone seeking to enhance their outdoor experiences. 🔗Compact Spotting Scope with 15-45x Magnificationhttps://preview.redd.it/51gkkofeki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3cb7cf19e9e8774dcb13b529611454dd2c7b924 I recently went on a nature trip and decided to bring along the Bresser Spektar 15-45x60 Zoom Spotting Scope. It was quite compact with dimensions of 365 x 80 x 165 mm and only weighed 3.74 lbs, making it easy to pack into my backpack. When I arrived at my destination, I eagerly unpacked this handy spotting scope and eagerly started looking through it. The first thing that caught my attention about the spotting scope was its versatile magnification range of 15-45x. I didn't have to worry about setting up a tripod as it was conveniently portable. However, it was just as easy to support it by resting it on a parapet, making it even more user-friendly in a variety of settings. As I started using the spotting scope, I couldn't help but notice the outstanding optics of the Bresser Spektar series. The image clarity was top-notch, and the focus knob was surprisingly precise despite being so compact. Despite some minor flaws, like a slightly darker optics in some instances, the overall value of this spotting scope was highly impressive. After trying it out at a range of distances and in different light conditions, I was quite impressed and ended up highly recommending this spotting scope, especially for outdoor enthusiasts on a budget, who are still looking for an outstanding, affordable tool for their hobby. Its ability to deliver a crisp visual experience even at high magnifications set it apart from the competitors in the same price range. The spotting scope came with a ready-to-use bag, a user manual, and was available for a store pickup at Walmart, which further added to the convenience of the purchase. Overall, I found the Bresser Spektar 15-45x60 Zoom Spotting Scope to be a great companion during my exploration of nature's beauty, and I would highly recommend it for those seeking impressive optics without breaking the bank. 🔗Axcel AVX-41 Modular 8x Scope Lens Combohttps://preview.redd.it/cmdreg3fki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0ce0d6018553625403afa6dec88e48a9b5193b08 Recently I was introduced to the Axcel AVX-41 Scope Lens Combo 8x while attending a hunting seminar. I was intrigued by its modular scope series design, as it claimed to offer various adjustment options for the perfect hunting experience. The 41mm scope included in the combo has a number of components to choose from, such as sun shades, torque indicators, and interchangeable ring pins. Plus, the rheostat cover allows for control of brightness across various lighting scenarios. What I appreciated the most about this combo was its ambidextrous design and the versatile Doc's Choice lens it came with. The various powers of the lens make it suitable for multiple hunting situations. Overall, the Axcel AVX-41 Scope Lens Combo 8x exceeded my expectations and has become my go-to scope while trekking through the wilderness. Highly recommended! 🔗Versatile Spotting Scope with Smartphone Adapter and Bluetooth Remotehttps://preview.redd.it/je47odcfki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c9ed397bfa02921a70330cc1bcbca2ec69c51ac I recently went on a hike in the mountains and saw a beautiful raptor perched high above on a rocky cliff. With the Popular Science PS LandScout spotting scope, I was able to get a closer look. The image was crystal clear, and it felt like I could almost touch the raptor. The scope's adjustable magnification from 20x to 60x made it easy to spot even the smallest of details, which was amazing when observing the stars at night. It also came with a smartphone adapter and a Bluetooth remote, allowing me to capture stunning photos and videos of my adventures. The only downside was, it was a bit heavy, but it was worth it for the incredible views. 🔗Axcel AVX-41 Scope Lens Combo: Customizable, High-Power Optics for Hunting and Shootinghttps://preview.redd.it/musxy7vfki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a1eb5e8fdd093497a3b3d7e1b5c8ec694a94fdb I recently had the chance to try out the Axcel AVX-41 Scope Lens Combo in my archery practice, and I have to say, it was a game-changer. The 41mm scope offered me an impressive level of adjustability thanks to its modular design, which allowed me to customize my setup to perfection. One of the standout features was the inclusion of the Doc's Choice lens, available in various powers. It made a significant difference in my accuracy, and I could easily see the target even at longer distances. Additionally, the #10-32 stainless steel rod and T Connector were a great addition, providing extra durability and stability to my setup. Although the combo offers a wide array of components for customization, I did find that it might be a bit overwhelming for archers new to scope adjustments. However, with a little bit of guidance, it's definitely a versatile and reliable choice for experienced archers looking to up their game. 🔗Versatile, Waterproof Condor Spotting Scope for Outdoor Adventureshttps://preview.redd.it/phvy446gki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3462360f66daf3b1d27b91d2695c1cacd056852 Let me share my delightful experience with the Bresser Condor 20-60x85 Spotting Scope. This little gem has quickly become my go-to companion on nature walks, sporting events, and even leisurely birdwatching trips. The fully multicoated optics allow for a bright and high-contrast picture, which I truly appreciate. The spotting scope is waterproof and, thanks to the 240-degree rotatable body, I can adjust the angle effortlessly for better observation. The stepless magnification feature also ensures sharp images at a wide range of magnification; just what I need. Despite its impressive features, this spotting scope is remarkably lightweight at just 1750g. And let's not forget, the kit includes a convenient bag with shoulder straps for easy transport, a cleaning cloth, and a comprehensive manual to guide you through your new spectacle. 🔗Top-Rated Sky Watcher ProED 80mm Apochromatic Refractor Telescope for Stunning Astronomical Viewshttps://preview.redd.it/i2tj0tjgki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a5a0bdc8b7d7ce34576258264409e68074cd86f5 Picture yourself on a clear, starry night, gazing up at the sky with the Sky Watcher ProED 80mm Doublet APO Refractor Telescope tucked under your arm. The experience of using this telescope is nothing short of breathtaking, transporting you to a world beyond our own. As you turn the knobs on the terrestrial scope, the image comes into sharp focus, revealing intricate details of the celestial objects before you. The stunning optics of this telescope are second to none, offering up an unrivaled view of the night sky. One of the standout features of this telescope is its versatility. Whether you're observing the wonders of our solar system or peering into the depths of the cosmos, this telescope delivers with ease. Its slim, sleek design is perfect for those who value portability and convenience, making it a popular choice for amateur astronomers and stargazing enthusiasts alike. However, like any product, the ProED 80mm Doublet APO Refractor Telescope is not without its drawbacks. While its optical performance is top-tier, the focuser can be somewhat finicky, requiring a bit of extra effort to dial in a precise focus. And while the telescope comes with a good quality carrying case, it's worth mentioning that it can be a bit snug, making it a bit of a challenge to fit the scope inside. Despite these minor flaws, the ProED 80mm Doublet APO Refractor Telescope offers a truly unforgettable experience. Its high-quality optics, versatility, and stunning performance make it a top choice for anyone looking to explore the depths of the universe from the comfort of their own backyard. 🔗Sky-Watcher StarTravel 120mm Refractor Telescope: Portable, Affordable, and Versatile Stargazing Companionhttps://preview.redd.it/7xc1v81hki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b08e56337e4bc35a991d702a1f7594e48e3a7920 I recently had the opportunity to use the Sky-Watcher StarTravel 120mm f/5 telescope, and I must say, I was impressed with its performance and ease of use. The optical tube assembly is made of high-quality materials, and the images it produces are crisp and vibrant. The fast f/5 focal ratio allows for capturing lunar and solar eclipses, as well as stunning views of terrestrial objects. One of the standout features of this telescope is its portability. Weighing only about 8.6 lb, it can be carried and easily transported in its compressed 25-inch length. The quick setup process is a breeze, making it perfect for both beginners and more advanced astronomers. However, one downside I noticed is the alt-azimuth mount, which feels a bit lightweight. It also requires a solid equatorial mount and guiding method for longer exposure astrophotography. Despite these minor issues, I believe the StarTravel 120mm is an excellent choice for anyone looking for a beginner's telescope, or someone who wants a reliable and portable option for observing the night sky. 🔗Sky-Watcher 150mm Maksutov-Cassegrain Premium Telescope for Astrophotography and Planetary Observationhttps://preview.redd.it/z123xzdhki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4e67444ce0f8d7e9c7660824d6864ab396f582d As a telescope enthusiast, I can attest to the impressive features of the Sky Watcher 150mm Maksutov Cassegrain Telescope. This telescope is perfect for those who are looking for a balance between high-quality optics and portability. It's a dream come true for anyone who wants to observe celestial objects without lugging around a heavy and cumbersome device. One of the remarkable features of this telescope is its fully baffled tube, which ensures a dark and clear view of the night sky. 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This guide will help you understand the essential features, considerations, and advice when choosing a Centerpoint Scope.Features to Considerhttps://preview.redd.it/95574cfkki1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e973991abd9e3b7740ea7f0f9a37e0d806db4bb4 MagnificationMagnification is a crucial factor when choosing a Centerpoint Scope. The magnification determines how much the object appears to be enlarged through the scope. Higher magnification offers better precision, but it may also lead to more image distortion. Consider the magnification range that suits your needs and shooting distance.Objective Lens DiameterThe objective lens diameter determines the amount of light that enters the scope, affecting brightness and clarity. A larger objective lens diameter allows more light to enter, but it may also increase the scope's weight and size. 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2024.05.20 07:04 Better-Heat-6012 Be careful about accepting hints from public trees
Hi guys, this has been on my mind and I thought I needed to share. I’m not calling anyone out, but I noticed some people say they are related to a president or related to royalty or someone famous. That’s great and all, but be careful about accepting public tree hints. I know it’s very tempting to accept a hint because it’s there. I used to do it when I first started genealogy research. I looked into different family trees, and I used to accept tree hints and sometimes I have to stop myself. I’ve been working with a genealogist, and they have been informing me to be careful when it comes to that. If you don’t have the documents and a paper trail to back up what you’re saying then it’s not as accurate as it may seem. I know because there was a time when I thought I was related to, a president. Long story short, I didn’t have any documents proving that I was related to them and I just accepted all the public family tree hints trace it back to the 1600s and I had to delete so many people because it was not accurate and had no documentation with that. What I’m saying is when it comes to building a family tree continue to do what you’re doing, but please take those public family tree hints or turlines with a grain of salt. Do your research and it’s going to take a lot of work. I’m not saying you’re not doing the work, I’m just saying to be very careful before you look at someone else’s tree. Thanks.
submitted by Better-Heat-6012 to AncestryDNA [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 07:02 SharkEva [New Update] - My son filed harassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/MentalPlatypus5193 posting in amiwrong
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/colorsofautomn for finding this BORU
Original - 28th April 2024
Update1 - 10th May 2024
1 New Update
Update2 - - 18th May 2024
My son [19M] filed harassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college
Me and my son moved to US last year. I was a single mom for 16 yrs before I met and then married my husband. I saved up money so he can go to college. Where I came from, college is very important. We moved to a small town and my son found new friends. These friends in my opinion were not a good influence. I am used to polite and academically oriented kids back home. These new friends of his make fun of his books and his plans of going to college.
Before his HS graduation, me and my husband took him to several unis in the state so he could get a feel for which one he would like to go to. Then after he graduated from HS, I told him I have about $20k saved up for college. He said it is not going to fit because tuition is pretty expensive nowadays. I suggested he can just go to a community college 20 mins away and live at home to save money. He agreed and I gave him access to the fund (joint account).
Long story short, he did not enroll himself and instead started partying a lot and used the money on expensive dates with his gf. He moved out and stopped talking to me. I worked hard to save that up for more than a decade and I am upset that he wasted it in less than a year. Me and my husband went to his place and asked that he pay me back since it is specifically for college and not "fun money".
He called the police and filed harassment charges. I told the police to review the cctv footage because the whole time I was talking to him through his ring cam, I was calm and reasonable and my husband was just standing behind me not saying anything. I was outside the door talking, he never even opened the door to talk to me face to face. The police said there's nothing he can do if my son and his gf felt "harassed", he can file a restraining order if he wants to.
Back home, this is unforgivable to treat your parent like this. But here in US, I was treated almost like a criminal. My sister in law said it is my fault for confronting him and that the money is his to spend since I made him a joint account owner. Am I wrong?
Edit: People cursing me because I said something about wanting to throw my chancla on my son's face, to be clear I have never laid my hands or my flip flops on him ever. But after what he did, my intrusive thoughts wants me to throw it but of course I won't. If he called the cops on me just because I want to talk to him, what more if I threw my flip flops on his face??
His relationship with me before moving to US was fine. He knew my struggle as a single mom and he always try to help me around the house. I was not strict at all he was free to go out with friends anytime. He was even thrilled to have a father figure and my husband always try to make him feel included in everything.
Comments
ManufacturerAny835
Lesson learned never give someone access to money unless you’re ok with them running away with it
dingdongsbtchs
Honestly I think a lot of parents don’t realize the depth of their children and forget that just because you think of them as one way doesn’t mean they don’t have other layers that can make them a different person. Sadly your son has found some less than savory friends to surround himself with and now he has to live with the decision he made. I honestly wouldn’t offer help for university again and would leave communication up to him. Also has there been any questions or discussion of potential drug use??
2workigo
The money is gone. And since he was a joint account holder and a legal adult, there’s nothing to be done except refuse to help him financially anymore. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. The friends he had will likely drift away now that he no longer has a fat bank account to fund their party lifestyle.
Treacle_Moon
Her biggest fault is waiting till it was all gone to do something about it. She had joint access. She could have stepped in long before now and tried to deal with it. Too little too late unfortunately.
Update - 12 days later
I still have not heard from my son and I don't expect him to reach out. But his gf's mother has called me asking if my house is still open to him. I asked her why, it turns out he hasn't paid his share of the last month's rent and his gf had to pay it for him.
I said it is not my problem and he is not welcome anymore in my house since he is an adult. The gf's mom said "what kind of mother would not extend help to his teenage son?". She further insulted me and said now she knows why he left me.
At this point I really don't care anymore. I tried to help him get a good start in life but he wasted it. Aside from the $20k, he lived rent free in the house, free food, free phone, car, gas money, and I pay all the utility bills and his health insurance. All I asked is that he focus on his studies. Finish at least an associate's degree so he can get a decent job and be fully independent from me asap.
For some who asked why college is so important to me, as an immigrant, we are held under certain standards. We have to prove to USCIS that we will not become a public charge -- meaning we won't rely on any government aid. I want him to be able to be a good immigrant and become productive. I don't even know if he can become a citizen if he makes below poverty income. I was just trying to make sure he gets to live a good life.
Some of you asked if he even wanted go to to college. Back when we were in our home country, he begged me to pls send him to college no matter what.
P.S. The harassment charge was closed for lack of evidence of harassment, a lot of what he said were lies.
Edit: Another thing that gave me chills was when he moved out it was the middle of the night and me and my husband were both asleep. My son left the front door hanging open (I saw it in the camera). We live in a small town but there's a lot of crime in our area, someone could have gone in and done something bad.
Comments
bluedreamer62
Some people just have to learn the hard way, his gf probably had a good time with him spending his college fund now 5hat it’s gone the fun is over. So comes the reality.
PoliteCanadian2
So you’re saying this is the Find Out stage that follows the Fuck Around stage?
Sharp_Mathematician6
Yep
SnooWords4839
His GF's mom has no right to bitch you out. Your son left, spend his college fund and now has to figure out how to adult. You do not owe him anything at this point.
ladyalcove
She's just calling her out because she's realizing that now she has to take care of this bum.
butterfly-garden
Yup. She, too, is in the Find Out stage.
** New Update*\*
Update 2 - 8 days later
His girlfriend's mom called me again today and basically handed the phone to my son to "sort it out between us". I let him just talk and tell me what is on his mind. Here's a summary of his point of view:
I asked him why he left the door open that night. He went silent for a few seconds then said "I just thought that if the house get robbed, I could just say I cashed the money from the bank and the robbers must have found it". Unbelievable.
At this point I was so emotional and I was a crying mess. I told him I am deeply sorry that I was his mom and that he had to grow up feeling deprived because I was poor. Then he said "Oh stop with your guilt tripping, you are saying that to make me feel bad.
Oh and he also said he hates it when I do this. I don't yell like that lady but I pretty much bug him to get up and help me set the table. I never get a response so I had to raise my voice higher. He said I was so rude. But he grew up with this. This is me being me. All moms back home do this. Al of a sudden he is comparing me to his mom's friends. In our culture we want food to be eaten while it is fresh from the stove. I spent 1 hr cooking after a long day at work, the least you can do is help me set the table and eat my food while it's nice and warm.
I hung up. My heart is broken in so much pieces. Am I wrong?
Comments
Whitewitchie
He has a chip on both shoulders. Leave him be. It's despicable he left the door open so you were vulnerable to burglars. Absolutely no consideration for your safety at all.
Mtndrums
Dude's a spoiled brat, and an idiot to not see his "friends" were using him. You need to cut him off and let him figure things out.
dublos
Not spoiled. Mom could not spoil him.
Entitled.
This child believes he's entitled to the same things his friends grew up with, even though his parents provided the best they could provide.
u/MentalPlatypus5193 your son has made his bed. Let him sleep in it.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/colorsofautomn for finding this BORU
Original - 28th April 2024
Update1 - 10th May 2024
1 New Update
Update2 - - 18th May 2024
My son [19M] filed harassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college
Me and my son moved to US last year. I was a single mom for 16 yrs before I met and then married my husband. I saved up money so he can go to college. Where I came from, college is very important. We moved to a small town and my son found new friends. These friends in my opinion were not a good influence. I am used to polite and academically oriented kids back home. These new friends of his make fun of his books and his plans of going to college.
Before his HS graduation, me and my husband took him to several unis in the state so he could get a feel for which one he would like to go to. Then after he graduated from HS, I told him I have about $20k saved up for college. He said it is not going to fit because tuition is pretty expensive nowadays. I suggested he can just go to a community college 20 mins away and live at home to save money. He agreed and I gave him access to the fund (joint account).
Long story short, he did not enroll himself and instead started partying a lot and used the money on expensive dates with his gf. He moved out and stopped talking to me. I worked hard to save that up for more than a decade and I am upset that he wasted it in less than a year. Me and my husband went to his place and asked that he pay me back since it is specifically for college and not "fun money".
He called the police and filed harassment charges. I told the police to review the cctv footage because the whole time I was talking to him through his ring cam, I was calm and reasonable and my husband was just standing behind me not saying anything. I was outside the door talking, he never even opened the door to talk to me face to face. The police said there's nothing he can do if my son and his gf felt "harassed", he can file a restraining order if he wants to.
Back home, this is unforgivable to treat your parent like this. But here in US, I was treated almost like a criminal. My sister in law said it is my fault for confronting him and that the money is his to spend since I made him a joint account owner. Am I wrong?
Edit: People cursing me because I said something about wanting to throw my chancla on my son's face, to be clear I have never laid my hands or my flip flops on him ever. But after what he did, my intrusive thoughts wants me to throw it but of course I won't. If he called the cops on me just because I want to talk to him, what more if I threw my flip flops on his face??
His relationship with me before moving to US was fine. He knew my struggle as a single mom and he always try to help me around the house. I was not strict at all he was free to go out with friends anytime. He was even thrilled to have a father figure and my husband always try to make him feel included in everything.
Comments
ManufacturerAny835
Lesson learned never give someone access to money unless you’re ok with them running away with it
OOP: He was a good boy before moving here. I thought he knew my struggles and how much I sacrificed to save money. I just thought he would never betray me like this.
dingdongsbtchs
Honestly I think a lot of parents don’t realize the depth of their children and forget that just because you think of them as one way doesn’t mean they don’t have other layers that can make them a different person. Sadly your son has found some less than savory friends to surround himself with and now he has to live with the decision he made. I honestly wouldn’t offer help for university again and would leave communication up to him. Also has there been any questions or discussion of potential drug use??
2workigo
The money is gone. And since he was a joint account holder and a legal adult, there’s nothing to be done except refuse to help him financially anymore. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. The friends he had will likely drift away now that he no longer has a fat bank account to fund their party lifestyle.
Treacle_Moon
Her biggest fault is waiting till it was all gone to do something about it. She had joint access. She could have stepped in long before now and tried to deal with it. Too little too late unfortunately.
Update - 12 days later
I still have not heard from my son and I don't expect him to reach out. But his gf's mother has called me asking if my house is still open to him. I asked her why, it turns out he hasn't paid his share of the last month's rent and his gf had to pay it for him.
I said it is not my problem and he is not welcome anymore in my house since he is an adult. The gf's mom said "what kind of mother would not extend help to his teenage son?". She further insulted me and said now she knows why he left me.
At this point I really don't care anymore. I tried to help him get a good start in life but he wasted it. Aside from the $20k, he lived rent free in the house, free food, free phone, car, gas money, and I pay all the utility bills and his health insurance. All I asked is that he focus on his studies. Finish at least an associate's degree so he can get a decent job and be fully independent from me asap.
For some who asked why college is so important to me, as an immigrant, we are held under certain standards. We have to prove to USCIS that we will not become a public charge -- meaning we won't rely on any government aid. I want him to be able to be a good immigrant and become productive. I don't even know if he can become a citizen if he makes below poverty income. I was just trying to make sure he gets to live a good life.
Some of you asked if he even wanted go to to college. Back when we were in our home country, he begged me to pls send him to college no matter what.
P.S. The harassment charge was closed for lack of evidence of harassment, a lot of what he said were lies.
Edit: Another thing that gave me chills was when he moved out it was the middle of the night and me and my husband were both asleep. My son left the front door hanging open (I saw it in the camera). We live in a small town but there's a lot of crime in our area, someone could have gone in and done something bad.
Comments
bluedreamer62
Some people just have to learn the hard way, his gf probably had a good time with him spending his college fund now 5hat it’s gone the fun is over. So comes the reality.
PoliteCanadian2
So you’re saying this is the Find Out stage that follows the Fuck Around stage?
Sharp_Mathematician6
Yep
SnooWords4839
His GF's mom has no right to bitch you out. Your son left, spend his college fund and now has to figure out how to adult. You do not owe him anything at this point.
ladyalcove
She's just calling her out because she's realizing that now she has to take care of this bum.
butterfly-garden
Yup. She, too, is in the Find Out stage.
** New Update*\*
Update 2 - 8 days later
His girlfriend's mom called me again today and basically handed the phone to my son to "sort it out between us". I let him just talk and tell me what is on his mind. Here's a summary of his point of view:
- He felt like I deprived him of a lot of things growing up. I couldn't buy him an Xbox/playstation, iphone, or anything a teenager wants when we were in our home country. I can't afford it. Back then I was making $1k a month and saving 20% of it for his college fund and whatever was left was for us to live on. I was helping my parents too with some groceries so money was really really tight. When I look back now, I don't know how I made it all fit.
- He felt so small because his clothes were hand me downs from cousins or just cheap clothes I bought from tianguis.
- He said I was not supportive unlike his friend's parents. Some of his friends have wealthy parents who bought their sons a house and never had to go to college or think about their future because they will inherit the family farm anyway. I have no generational wealth to be that supportive. I wish I have.
- He said I have so much house rules. Yes I do. I want him to wash his plates after eating (I used to do it for him), clean his room and keep it tidy, make sure the windows are tightly shut in winter, keep the thermostat at 68 during winter to save electricity, come home at 11pm or else the house will be double locked from the inside for my safety (because my husband drives a truck and not home at night most the time). I also told him before that since he has a part time job, he can't use my credit card for anything but emergency anymore, but he still used it sometimes anyway (card's been frozen since he moved out).
- I asked him why file charges when I only wanted some explanation from him. He said he don't want to inconvenience his gf and filing charges is the easiest way to get me to stop trying to talk to him.
I asked him why he left the door open that night. He went silent for a few seconds then said "I just thought that if the house get robbed, I could just say I cashed the money from the bank and the robbers must have found it". Unbelievable.
At this point I was so emotional and I was a crying mess. I told him I am deeply sorry that I was his mom and that he had to grow up feeling deprived because I was poor. Then he said "Oh stop with your guilt tripping, you are saying that to make me feel bad.
Oh and he also said he hates it when I do this. I don't yell like that lady but I pretty much bug him to get up and help me set the table. I never get a response so I had to raise my voice higher. He said I was so rude. But he grew up with this. This is me being me. All moms back home do this. Al of a sudden he is comparing me to his mom's friends. In our culture we want food to be eaten while it is fresh from the stove. I spent 1 hr cooking after a long day at work, the least you can do is help me set the table and eat my food while it's nice and warm.
I hung up. My heart is broken in so much pieces. Am I wrong?
Comments
Whitewitchie
He has a chip on both shoulders. Leave him be. It's despicable he left the door open so you were vulnerable to burglars. Absolutely no consideration for your safety at all.
Mtndrums
Dude's a spoiled brat, and an idiot to not see his "friends" were using him. You need to cut him off and let him figure things out.
dublos
Not spoiled. Mom could not spoil him.
Entitled.
This child believes he's entitled to the same things his friends grew up with, even though his parents provided the best they could provide.
u/MentalPlatypus5193 your son has made his bed. Let him sleep in it.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.20 07:02 SharkEva AITA for not moving my wedding date? + 1 year update
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/user posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 19th June 2023
Update - 18th May 2024
AITA for not moving my wedding date?
Not the A-hole My fiancé and I recently got engaged, and when looking at dates we realized our anniversary falls on a Saturday this year. Perfect right? We immediately start planning because it’s approximately 9 months out and we have to move quick to pull a wedding together. We told everyone the potential date this weekend and all seemed well.
Monday I get a phone call from my father. He insists that I move the date because my mother has a yoga retreat that weekend. I tell him that this date means a lot to me and I would prefer to keep it if there is any way to move the retreat. There is, but it’s expensive. I offer to pay for this change out of my wedding budget, essentially halving the amount that I can spend on the most important event of my life.
Yesterday I was told that they would not be taking my offer to pay to move the retreat and that we’re expected to move the wedding instead. I haven’t put money on my venue yet, so they think I should be fine with giving up the chance to marry on a date that means a lot to me. It became a massive fight, and now my parents and I aren’t speaking. My father accused me of caring about a date more than I care about my mother. I told him that it felt as though they were choosing yoga over their own daughter.
TLDR: wedding falls on the same day as moms yoga retreat. I haven’t put money down on the date yet and she has, but it means more to me than to her. Offers to pay to move the retreat were turned down. WIBTA if I keep my date and say that it’s me or the retreat?
Comments
imothro
Your parents are prioritizing a yoga retreat over your wedding? I told him that it felt as though they were choosing yoga over their own daughter. They 100% are. Have the wedding without them. NTA
Satogamii
And i would be petty and put on the photos why they weren't at the wedding. Op parents sucks. NTA.
z00k33per0304
Make them yoga poses too just for the extra flair.
apartment-flood
NTA - and the next time your parents invite you to something, tell them, "namaste at home"
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 11 months later
Hey everyone! It's been a while (I forgot my password), but a few people asked for updates on how my last post turned out. Unfortunately, a lot of you may not like the answer.
Almost all of you said not to change the date, and to enjoy my time without them there. I followed half of that advice. I eventually did relent to my family and change the date of the wedding. My fiancé (now husband!) said that the date wasn't as important as my happiness, and the fighting with my parents was destroying that. Now after six months, we both wish we hadn't because it was useless.
They still didn't show up. Not only that, but they convinced 90% of my family not to show up either. I ended up with only four relatives there in a crowd of about 100 guests.
My mother claimed that I had been "excluding her from planning" (by scheduling venue tours on days that my fiancé and I were both free but I didn't realize she was working, and by finding my dress by surprise on a "just here to look" trip without her being there). They hadn't shown any interest in planning, so I mainly didn't want to bother them. To them, this was "clearly a sign that you don't want us there". So they went out of town on the new date.
In the end, narcissist mother still got her yoga, I still moved my date, and I still walked myself down the aisle.
But my petty self did, in fact, strike back. I had an amazing time, and I made sure that I left obvious empty seats marked for them and told everyone the truth with a smile when they asked. The few family members that did show are now no longer speaking to them either, as are all of the friends who came. The only exception is my brother (who I'm pretty sure they asked to relay the details of the party to them), and even he has almost entirely cut them out due to how they've acted.
I haven't spoken to my mother since about a month before the wedding, when she told me to get all of my old things out of her house. I speak to my father very rarely, and only over things like deaths in the family. My in-laws have basically taken me in as their own, and I'm far happier than I ever was in the nightmare of a family I grew up with. Life is good.
TLDR: moved the date of the wedding so mom could go to yoga, parents still didn't show, had a better day without them than I would have with them there, finally cut contact with those narcissists
Comments
Even_Enthusiasm7223
Great for you, The next time you contact them in any manner or let them know anything about your life is after you give birth and send them an announcement. Hey, I just like you to know that you are the proud grandparents of a child you will never meet. That's being petty
floridaeng
My petty side says when or if you have kids don't do anything to tell them. I would even say don't tell your brother unless he promises to not tell them. They have clearly shown they don't care about you and don't want any contact, so give them what they want.
DragonMaster7433
Good on you for going either very low contact or no contact with them. I looked through your old posts and saw where they wanted you to join a dinner date with another family member shortly before the actual dinner while you were busy. It wild to me how they seem to want you to respect their time and plans but have absolutely no respect for your time and plans.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 19th June 2023
Update - 18th May 2024
AITA for not moving my wedding date?
Not the A-hole My fiancé and I recently got engaged, and when looking at dates we realized our anniversary falls on a Saturday this year. Perfect right? We immediately start planning because it’s approximately 9 months out and we have to move quick to pull a wedding together. We told everyone the potential date this weekend and all seemed well.
Monday I get a phone call from my father. He insists that I move the date because my mother has a yoga retreat that weekend. I tell him that this date means a lot to me and I would prefer to keep it if there is any way to move the retreat. There is, but it’s expensive. I offer to pay for this change out of my wedding budget, essentially halving the amount that I can spend on the most important event of my life.
Yesterday I was told that they would not be taking my offer to pay to move the retreat and that we’re expected to move the wedding instead. I haven’t put money on my venue yet, so they think I should be fine with giving up the chance to marry on a date that means a lot to me. It became a massive fight, and now my parents and I aren’t speaking. My father accused me of caring about a date more than I care about my mother. I told him that it felt as though they were choosing yoga over their own daughter.
TLDR: wedding falls on the same day as moms yoga retreat. I haven’t put money down on the date yet and she has, but it means more to me than to her. Offers to pay to move the retreat were turned down. WIBTA if I keep my date and say that it’s me or the retreat?
Comments
imothro
Your parents are prioritizing a yoga retreat over your wedding? I told him that it felt as though they were choosing yoga over their own daughter. They 100% are. Have the wedding without them. NTA
Satogamii
And i would be petty and put on the photos why they weren't at the wedding. Op parents sucks. NTA.
z00k33per0304
Make them yoga poses too just for the extra flair.
apartment-flood
NTA - and the next time your parents invite you to something, tell them, "namaste at home"
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 11 months later
Hey everyone! It's been a while (I forgot my password), but a few people asked for updates on how my last post turned out. Unfortunately, a lot of you may not like the answer.
Almost all of you said not to change the date, and to enjoy my time without them there. I followed half of that advice. I eventually did relent to my family and change the date of the wedding. My fiancé (now husband!) said that the date wasn't as important as my happiness, and the fighting with my parents was destroying that. Now after six months, we both wish we hadn't because it was useless.
They still didn't show up. Not only that, but they convinced 90% of my family not to show up either. I ended up with only four relatives there in a crowd of about 100 guests.
My mother claimed that I had been "excluding her from planning" (by scheduling venue tours on days that my fiancé and I were both free but I didn't realize she was working, and by finding my dress by surprise on a "just here to look" trip without her being there). They hadn't shown any interest in planning, so I mainly didn't want to bother them. To them, this was "clearly a sign that you don't want us there". So they went out of town on the new date.
In the end, narcissist mother still got her yoga, I still moved my date, and I still walked myself down the aisle.
But my petty self did, in fact, strike back. I had an amazing time, and I made sure that I left obvious empty seats marked for them and told everyone the truth with a smile when they asked. The few family members that did show are now no longer speaking to them either, as are all of the friends who came. The only exception is my brother (who I'm pretty sure they asked to relay the details of the party to them), and even he has almost entirely cut them out due to how they've acted.
I haven't spoken to my mother since about a month before the wedding, when she told me to get all of my old things out of her house. I speak to my father very rarely, and only over things like deaths in the family. My in-laws have basically taken me in as their own, and I'm far happier than I ever was in the nightmare of a family I grew up with. Life is good.
TLDR: moved the date of the wedding so mom could go to yoga, parents still didn't show, had a better day without them than I would have with them there, finally cut contact with those narcissists
Comments
Even_Enthusiasm7223
Great for you, The next time you contact them in any manner or let them know anything about your life is after you give birth and send them an announcement. Hey, I just like you to know that you are the proud grandparents of a child you will never meet. That's being petty
floridaeng
My petty side says when or if you have kids don't do anything to tell them. I would even say don't tell your brother unless he promises to not tell them. They have clearly shown they don't care about you and don't want any contact, so give them what they want.
DragonMaster7433
Good on you for going either very low contact or no contact with them. I looked through your old posts and saw where they wanted you to join a dinner date with another family member shortly before the actual dinner while you were busy. It wild to me how they seem to want you to respect their time and plans but have absolutely no respect for your time and plans.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.20 07:02 TH_Sharpshooter Is there a behavior system in this game? New player performing relatively well here, but people get way too mad out of nowhere
To be short, I'm a CS player giving a shot to Valorant, mainly because of the cheating issue in the former. Playing unranked, I top fragged all my 3 games, comunicated as much as I could and was a really positive player towards others. But man, people just raged out of nowhere, even in one round where I got 4 kills and died to the last enemy while 1v5. CS is not all sunshine and rainbows with its community neither, but I would 100% get a teammate saying something like "nice try" or "great effort" after this kind of play.
Anyway, I'd just like to know if things get better or if I'm unlucky with those lobbies. Thanks in advance!
submitted by TH_Sharpshooter to VALORANT [link] [comments]
Anyway, I'd just like to know if things get better or if I'm unlucky with those lobbies. Thanks in advance!
2024.05.20 07:01 Optimal_Camel_7129 people causing episodes to come back — anyone else?
okay this is kind of weird and idk if it’s relatable. sometimes when i’m just coming out of a really bad dissociative episode and someone/something is confusing i just completely start to dissociate again. my brain starts thinking that what they’re saying isn’t real, so i feel like nothing is real, and it comes back. it especially happens when my boyfriend makes jokes or says something confusing and for some reason no matter how simple it is, i get super distressed and check out. i get super short tempered with people even though they’re not doing it on purpose. one time he literally just paused and i freaked out because i thought time paused. it’s very frustrating because i just start to feel good and something so little drags me back into Weird Hell.
submitted by Optimal_Camel_7129 to derealization [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 07:00 QuoteEmergency1121 Autism Service Dog
TL;DR: Got questions about Autism Service Dog!
Today my 4 year old with Autism encountered a miniature Australian Shepherd and was in love immediately! She wanted to pet the dog, was very gentle, and was obsessed with its hair. I think the hair gave her a huge sensory feedback. She even said "dog!" for the first time!! And it was unprompted!!! My husband and I have discussed getting her a service dog since she was diagnosed at 2, obviously knowing it would be in the future. She is low verbal, has elopement issues, and nighttime waking/wandering; no injurious behaviors or severe meltdowns. The elopement/wandering issues are definitely scary. I have done a bit of research on services dogs for autism, but I have some questions.
submitted by QuoteEmergency1121 to service_dogs [link] [comments]
Today my 4 year old with Autism encountered a miniature Australian Shepherd and was in love immediately! She wanted to pet the dog, was very gentle, and was obsessed with its hair. I think the hair gave her a huge sensory feedback. She even said "dog!" for the first time!! And it was unprompted!!! My husband and I have discussed getting her a service dog since she was diagnosed at 2, obviously knowing it would be in the future. She is low verbal, has elopement issues, and nighttime waking/wandering; no injurious behaviors or severe meltdowns. The elopement/wandering issues are definitely scary. I have done a bit of research on services dogs for autism, but I have some questions.
- Is 4 appropriate? I know many organizations require the child to be 7/8 but some say 4/5. ls there a specific reason why 7/8 is a requirement is common?
- We have a dog in our home. He is a rescue, special needs Cane Corso (rickets). Approximate age 5 years. He is large with short hair, which is why I think she has never gravitated towards him the way she did with the mini Aussie. Is having another dog in the home a problem? He is good around other dogs. We have had fosters in the home and have not had any issues. But will organizations not place a service dog with us because we have anoth dog?
- What is the best route? 501c? Private pay/fundraise? Purchase a pup from a breeder and pay for training? We are typically “adopt don’t shop” folks but I know certain breeds are best and the younger the better. Also, we are in the TN, USA. We are willing to travel but would ideally like to keep it as close to home as possible due to the training requirements. I think the biggest issue there is my husband and I deciding who gets to be the third-party handler (or whatever the term is). We might have to rock, paper, scissors that 😂 unless we both can be trained!
2024.05.20 07:00 rarehipster Panhomonium
I was hoping on some critique on this story before a pursue it further.
Session 14342276897
“Now, with our deliberation concluded”. He said with a sense of exasperation “We will now decide on the fate of man” Like he has done for the past eternity, Abel cast the first vote. And like he has done for the past eternity, he voted to stay.
Abel returned to his dais and watched as the damned cast their ballots in the wrought iron box. In the long ago he marveled at the chamber that sat so many bodies, but he has since grown sick of the white stone benches and marbled walls. He did not hold the same hatred for this room as the one that had flourished in him around the time that David came;he simply had become bored with it.
The body waited until the final vote was cast. As always the final vote was cast by the newest. He was a scrawny boy barely sixteen in age. It had been easy for Abel to introduce him to his new life. Gentiles like him were usually the quickest to acclimate. It was the holy which usually had the hardest time understanding the truth. They would insist that this was the serpent’s work until they inevitably ran out of fight.
The boy deposited his ballot and the room grew silent. The box ignited in a horrible dirty flame. Abel saw the smoke. Black as night and thick as syrup. He cleared his throat and addressed the crowd. “We have spoken”. His voice nearly shook the room with its authority. “We shall remain another day and adjourn in the morrow to decide our salvation”. The crowd made its way towards the antechamber and out into the city. Abel took a moment to enjoy the solitude he so rarely got. There would be another he would need to introduce.
Session 3
“ Would you please stop pestering father,''Abel said with a hint of venom. “ You aren't winning either of us over, can we please just move on to the vote”. He glanced at the old man. He was wearing radiating over the trios state of dress.
“ I’m just saying that he must want to return to a place of paradise like he was born to. He had existed without suffering and can now bless all with that pleasure”.
The old man looked up “In time I will be ready, but I do not yet feel worthy to exist as He does”. He took a long quaking breath and continued “ I must still repent for the world I brought everyone else into”. Cain saw an opportunity and responded like a leopard pouncing on his prey “ You cannot be at fault; you had not yet existed with the concept of lying. You saw two truths and chose the one which was more relevant to you”.
“ Do not defend my actions. I made a choice to betray the only thing that can truly love. We knew what we were doing. Perhaps not completely, but enough to know on some level that we were doing wrong”. The old man was now standing on trembling legs and scorning Cain with his sunken face.
“ Both of you need to calm down. We’re not discussing ideas anymore, we are digging up grievances which can never be reburied.”
The room went silent. Cain took a second to recompose himself. “ Me and father are clearly at an impasse, but you must understand me. We have a chance to save all of humanity that could ever exist. I just need one of you to agree with me”
Abel tensed for a second. “No”.
“What do you mean “No?”
“ I hear what you have to say, but I know you don’t believe a word of it” Abel sat up taller in his chair “ You wish for paradise so you no longer feel guilt over what you have done. I will not let you hide from your actions”.
“But father is avoiding his gui-”
Abel stood on the dais, towering over Cain. “ He feels guilt because he knows he has done wrong. YOU feel guilt because you were CAUGHT”.
Another wave of silence spread through the room. The men looked at each other for a second. Silently, they all cast their votes. All knew the results before the first spark appeared.
submitted by rarehipster to FictionWriting [link] [comments]
Session 14342276897
“Now, with our deliberation concluded”. He said with a sense of exasperation “We will now decide on the fate of man” Like he has done for the past eternity, Abel cast the first vote. And like he has done for the past eternity, he voted to stay.
Abel returned to his dais and watched as the damned cast their ballots in the wrought iron box. In the long ago he marveled at the chamber that sat so many bodies, but he has since grown sick of the white stone benches and marbled walls. He did not hold the same hatred for this room as the one that had flourished in him around the time that David came;he simply had become bored with it.
The body waited until the final vote was cast. As always the final vote was cast by the newest. He was a scrawny boy barely sixteen in age. It had been easy for Abel to introduce him to his new life. Gentiles like him were usually the quickest to acclimate. It was the holy which usually had the hardest time understanding the truth. They would insist that this was the serpent’s work until they inevitably ran out of fight.
The boy deposited his ballot and the room grew silent. The box ignited in a horrible dirty flame. Abel saw the smoke. Black as night and thick as syrup. He cleared his throat and addressed the crowd. “We have spoken”. His voice nearly shook the room with its authority. “We shall remain another day and adjourn in the morrow to decide our salvation”. The crowd made its way towards the antechamber and out into the city. Abel took a moment to enjoy the solitude he so rarely got. There would be another he would need to introduce.
Session 3
“ Would you please stop pestering father,''Abel said with a hint of venom. “ You aren't winning either of us over, can we please just move on to the vote”. He glanced at the old man. He was wearing radiating over the trios state of dress.
“ I’m just saying that he must want to return to a place of paradise like he was born to. He had existed without suffering and can now bless all with that pleasure”.
The old man looked up “In time I will be ready, but I do not yet feel worthy to exist as He does”. He took a long quaking breath and continued “ I must still repent for the world I brought everyone else into”. Cain saw an opportunity and responded like a leopard pouncing on his prey “ You cannot be at fault; you had not yet existed with the concept of lying. You saw two truths and chose the one which was more relevant to you”.
“ Do not defend my actions. I made a choice to betray the only thing that can truly love. We knew what we were doing. Perhaps not completely, but enough to know on some level that we were doing wrong”. The old man was now standing on trembling legs and scorning Cain with his sunken face.
“ Both of you need to calm down. We’re not discussing ideas anymore, we are digging up grievances which can never be reburied.”
The room went silent. Cain took a second to recompose himself. “ Me and father are clearly at an impasse, but you must understand me. We have a chance to save all of humanity that could ever exist. I just need one of you to agree with me”
Abel tensed for a second. “No”.
“What do you mean “No?”
“ I hear what you have to say, but I know you don’t believe a word of it” Abel sat up taller in his chair “ You wish for paradise so you no longer feel guilt over what you have done. I will not let you hide from your actions”.
“But father is avoiding his gui-”
Abel stood on the dais, towering over Cain. “ He feels guilt because he knows he has done wrong. YOU feel guilt because you were CAUGHT”.
Another wave of silence spread through the room. The men looked at each other for a second. Silently, they all cast their votes. All knew the results before the first spark appeared.
2024.05.20 06:59 LongLocks1608 AITAH for refusing to cut my hair?
I made my first throw away account for this. Yipee (he said with all the excitement of a deflating woopie cushion).
I (M23) currently live with my mom (F64) and dad (M65). I'm attending a local community college and struggling to find a regular job while also pursuing a career as a writer and musician. I love my mom and dad very much, and they love me too. They have been nothing but supportive of me and my aspirations my entire life, and I am so grateful to them for that.
That isn't to say we don't have our issues (i wouldn't be talking about them on this sub if they were perfect, after all) but I think the context here is very important.
So, in exchange for no rent, i have to follow a set of rules. Some of them are pretty reasonable (no illegal drugs in the house, do my fill of chores, keep my room and bathroom clean, etc.), but some could be considered a bit weird (attend church once a week, no sex inside the house). While I'm okay with these rules, there is one i chafe against regularly… i have to maintain my haifacial hair in a very specific way.
So, as my username implies, I have long hair. It goes past my shoulders and rests at my upper back. It's also very thick. My mom likes to say my hair, like hers, wants to grow out, not down. (It really does feel like my hair wants to spite gravity sometimes). It defaults to curly ringlets, but I have options to style it.
It wasn't always like this, though. For a majority of my life, i kept my hair short. When i was 17 i heard about locks for love, the charity where you can donate your hair to create wigs for children undergoing cancer treatment. I was really inspired by this, and wanted to participate. I had to wait a year, until i graduated high school (because of our dress code and because i did a lot of theater stuff that required me to have short hair) to start. For four long years, I grew my hair out and finally, cut it off to send it to charity. It was really fun, we threw a small, silly party to celebrate.
But over the next few months, I began to realize something… i really liked having long hair! I've only now begun to verbalize it, but i felt confident and sexy with long hair. It was the first time I made a style choice on my own without involvement from anyone else and i loved it. So, thinking that this was a harmless form of self-expression, I decided I wanted to grow my hair out again, but this time keep it. And here, is where my troubles began.
Now, during the first time I started growing my hair out, my dad made it no secret he didn't like the long hair look, but went along with it because he knew it was for a good cause. But during the fall of 2021, when i made my intentions clear of mainting the look, he began to complain… a lot. Now, i'm not going to pretend some of these complaints were without merit. In terms of styling and hair care, I had no idea what I was doing, and combined with my big, bushy, unkempt beard, I looked terrible. I looked like a caveman Jerry Garcia. My hair was constantly knotted and greasy looking, i had split ends I refused to cut, and my beard was uneven. It drove dad up the wall.
Then, one morning, my parents forced me to go to a barbershop down the street. I went in, explained the situation, and told him i wanted to keep my long hair, but to get rid of all the stuff they didnt like. To shape it up, style it. The barber looked at me, and said it was too soon (it had been five months since i had sent my hair in) and to come back in a month. Satisfied, i texted my mother the news, got myself some lunch, picked up some groceries and came back home. My parents were waiting for me. I don't think Mom had seen my text. They were disappointed. A day or so later, dad came into my room as i was waking up, still wiping the dust from my eyes and gave me an ultimatum. I was going to cut my hair or he was going to kick me out of the house, and take my car too since his name was on the paperwork.
…To say the following two hours were eventful would be an understatement. In short, after lots of screaming, crying, and swearing, from both sides, we came to the agreement we have today; in exchange for keeping my hair tidy, and my beard trimmed, I could continue to live at my parents house. Whenever dads around, or we're out together, he wants me to have my hair tied back (nevermind that can actually damage the hair in the long term) or wear a headband to keep it out of my face.
While he's done a lot to regain my trust since that day (and I've done the same), i still feel uneasy about the whole thing. My dads explanation is that he's from another time, which is true. He grew up in the sixties and the seventies. If i were to fall through a portal in time, people off the street would probably think i was homeless or a hippie. That's how he thinks i look. And that terrifies him, because he thinks I don't know or understand how the way i portray myself can come off to others. It's also an issue of respect to him. In case it wasn't clear earlier, my dad is a Christian. He was a pastor in the Nazarene church for many years, but he's retired now. To him, growing my hair out like i have, after all the times he's expressed his dislike, is the equivalent of me flipping him off. Some of you may be wondering “How are these sentences related?” Well, if you open your bibles to Exodus 20:12, you will find the fifth commandment, which states “honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” To say my faith is important to my dad is an understatement. The most important thing my to my dad, aside from the safety and health of me and mom, is whether or not i still believe Jesus Christ is my lord and savior. But im getting lost in the weeds, lets get back on track.
The point is, my dad sees this as a very personal insult, and a representation of all his fears that I might fail in life in a way that he can't prevent. That's how he's explained it to me. Im not trying to justify or explain away his behavior, I'm just trying to tell you what he's told me.
From my perspective, while Dad was right that my grooming at the time was terrible, my hair style does not, and should not, matter to him. I'll admit, at that time in my life, i was going through a really rough patch that i do not want to go into here. I had some awful habits back then, and i was clinically depressed. But coming in and saying you're gonna kick me out unless i give you what you want isn't what i would call christlike behavior, much less normal empathetic father figure behavior.
So why am i writing about this now? Because he did it again.
So, my dad has still been complaining since the three and a half years this happened, but I've been getting better and better at cleaning and maintaining my hair. Im not going to pretend I'm a master, but at least I'm not using two for one shampoo anymore and have learned how to consistently make a towel wrap. Today (sunday), dad got home from a business trip. When he got home, we didn't really say much because i was rushing to complete summer school homework due by midnight. We said Hi and I love you, but that was pretty much it. I had been working all day on this, since the moment i got up. I missed church because i was exhausted from staying up late, you guessed it, working. After all this time, i finally do it, and go out to have an actual conversation with my dad. And the first thing he says to me during this conversation? After not seeing me since Thursday? “[Long locks], you really need to do something about my hair. You need to remember our agreement. It's becoming a problem.”
Wow. Thanks for the veiled threat dad, nice to see you too.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i cannot please him. I'm just now getting the hang of this, and its like… he doesn't care. I went to a new barber six weeks ago to cut off my split ends and shape it up. I trim my beard every 4-8 weeks. I shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse, dry, comb with a wide tooth comb, comb with an actual brush and then maybe use a band if dads around, AND ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH. The one day i don't do my hair because i am trying to prioritize the things that matter and he says that.
And the thing that bothers me is that it brings me down all the time. It affects my self-esteem and self-image. And he keeps dangling my ability to live a life over my head unless i give him what he wants, and it makes me wonder where will it end? What will he want me to change next? Will he threaten to take away my clothes? Stuff i bought with the allowance he gives me? This thing that happened today made me realize i am so helplessly dependent on these people and I can't take it anymore. So my thought process is why don't i just save us the trouble of all the shouting, crying and swearing, pack up my bags and leave? Lets save the time and trouble and move on because I don't want to fight.
I'm sorry if this has devolved into an incomprehensible slurry, but I've been trying to write this all down for an hour and i'm so tired. I don't want to give up this piece of myself that I've grown to love. But am I being a big stupid baby about this? Should i just give him what he wants? Or should i take a stand for my own personal boundaries and identity and move out? And if the latter, what should my next steps be?
Thank you for reading this wall of runes. I'm going to pass out now. Good night.
submitted by LongLocks1608 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I (M23) currently live with my mom (F64) and dad (M65). I'm attending a local community college and struggling to find a regular job while also pursuing a career as a writer and musician. I love my mom and dad very much, and they love me too. They have been nothing but supportive of me and my aspirations my entire life, and I am so grateful to them for that.
That isn't to say we don't have our issues (i wouldn't be talking about them on this sub if they were perfect, after all) but I think the context here is very important.
So, in exchange for no rent, i have to follow a set of rules. Some of them are pretty reasonable (no illegal drugs in the house, do my fill of chores, keep my room and bathroom clean, etc.), but some could be considered a bit weird (attend church once a week, no sex inside the house). While I'm okay with these rules, there is one i chafe against regularly… i have to maintain my haifacial hair in a very specific way.
So, as my username implies, I have long hair. It goes past my shoulders and rests at my upper back. It's also very thick. My mom likes to say my hair, like hers, wants to grow out, not down. (It really does feel like my hair wants to spite gravity sometimes). It defaults to curly ringlets, but I have options to style it.
It wasn't always like this, though. For a majority of my life, i kept my hair short. When i was 17 i heard about locks for love, the charity where you can donate your hair to create wigs for children undergoing cancer treatment. I was really inspired by this, and wanted to participate. I had to wait a year, until i graduated high school (because of our dress code and because i did a lot of theater stuff that required me to have short hair) to start. For four long years, I grew my hair out and finally, cut it off to send it to charity. It was really fun, we threw a small, silly party to celebrate.
But over the next few months, I began to realize something… i really liked having long hair! I've only now begun to verbalize it, but i felt confident and sexy with long hair. It was the first time I made a style choice on my own without involvement from anyone else and i loved it. So, thinking that this was a harmless form of self-expression, I decided I wanted to grow my hair out again, but this time keep it. And here, is where my troubles began.
Now, during the first time I started growing my hair out, my dad made it no secret he didn't like the long hair look, but went along with it because he knew it was for a good cause. But during the fall of 2021, when i made my intentions clear of mainting the look, he began to complain… a lot. Now, i'm not going to pretend some of these complaints were without merit. In terms of styling and hair care, I had no idea what I was doing, and combined with my big, bushy, unkempt beard, I looked terrible. I looked like a caveman Jerry Garcia. My hair was constantly knotted and greasy looking, i had split ends I refused to cut, and my beard was uneven. It drove dad up the wall.
Then, one morning, my parents forced me to go to a barbershop down the street. I went in, explained the situation, and told him i wanted to keep my long hair, but to get rid of all the stuff they didnt like. To shape it up, style it. The barber looked at me, and said it was too soon (it had been five months since i had sent my hair in) and to come back in a month. Satisfied, i texted my mother the news, got myself some lunch, picked up some groceries and came back home. My parents were waiting for me. I don't think Mom had seen my text. They were disappointed. A day or so later, dad came into my room as i was waking up, still wiping the dust from my eyes and gave me an ultimatum. I was going to cut my hair or he was going to kick me out of the house, and take my car too since his name was on the paperwork.
…To say the following two hours were eventful would be an understatement. In short, after lots of screaming, crying, and swearing, from both sides, we came to the agreement we have today; in exchange for keeping my hair tidy, and my beard trimmed, I could continue to live at my parents house. Whenever dads around, or we're out together, he wants me to have my hair tied back (nevermind that can actually damage the hair in the long term) or wear a headband to keep it out of my face.
While he's done a lot to regain my trust since that day (and I've done the same), i still feel uneasy about the whole thing. My dads explanation is that he's from another time, which is true. He grew up in the sixties and the seventies. If i were to fall through a portal in time, people off the street would probably think i was homeless or a hippie. That's how he thinks i look. And that terrifies him, because he thinks I don't know or understand how the way i portray myself can come off to others. It's also an issue of respect to him. In case it wasn't clear earlier, my dad is a Christian. He was a pastor in the Nazarene church for many years, but he's retired now. To him, growing my hair out like i have, after all the times he's expressed his dislike, is the equivalent of me flipping him off. Some of you may be wondering “How are these sentences related?” Well, if you open your bibles to Exodus 20:12, you will find the fifth commandment, which states “honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” To say my faith is important to my dad is an understatement. The most important thing my to my dad, aside from the safety and health of me and mom, is whether or not i still believe Jesus Christ is my lord and savior. But im getting lost in the weeds, lets get back on track.
The point is, my dad sees this as a very personal insult, and a representation of all his fears that I might fail in life in a way that he can't prevent. That's how he's explained it to me. Im not trying to justify or explain away his behavior, I'm just trying to tell you what he's told me.
From my perspective, while Dad was right that my grooming at the time was terrible, my hair style does not, and should not, matter to him. I'll admit, at that time in my life, i was going through a really rough patch that i do not want to go into here. I had some awful habits back then, and i was clinically depressed. But coming in and saying you're gonna kick me out unless i give you what you want isn't what i would call christlike behavior, much less normal empathetic father figure behavior.
So why am i writing about this now? Because he did it again.
So, my dad has still been complaining since the three and a half years this happened, but I've been getting better and better at cleaning and maintaining my hair. Im not going to pretend I'm a master, but at least I'm not using two for one shampoo anymore and have learned how to consistently make a towel wrap. Today (sunday), dad got home from a business trip. When he got home, we didn't really say much because i was rushing to complete summer school homework due by midnight. We said Hi and I love you, but that was pretty much it. I had been working all day on this, since the moment i got up. I missed church because i was exhausted from staying up late, you guessed it, working. After all this time, i finally do it, and go out to have an actual conversation with my dad. And the first thing he says to me during this conversation? After not seeing me since Thursday? “[Long locks], you really need to do something about my hair. You need to remember our agreement. It's becoming a problem.”
Wow. Thanks for the veiled threat dad, nice to see you too.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i cannot please him. I'm just now getting the hang of this, and its like… he doesn't care. I went to a new barber six weeks ago to cut off my split ends and shape it up. I trim my beard every 4-8 weeks. I shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse, dry, comb with a wide tooth comb, comb with an actual brush and then maybe use a band if dads around, AND ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH. The one day i don't do my hair because i am trying to prioritize the things that matter and he says that.
And the thing that bothers me is that it brings me down all the time. It affects my self-esteem and self-image. And he keeps dangling my ability to live a life over my head unless i give him what he wants, and it makes me wonder where will it end? What will he want me to change next? Will he threaten to take away my clothes? Stuff i bought with the allowance he gives me? This thing that happened today made me realize i am so helplessly dependent on these people and I can't take it anymore. So my thought process is why don't i just save us the trouble of all the shouting, crying and swearing, pack up my bags and leave? Lets save the time and trouble and move on because I don't want to fight.
I'm sorry if this has devolved into an incomprehensible slurry, but I've been trying to write this all down for an hour and i'm so tired. I don't want to give up this piece of myself that I've grown to love. But am I being a big stupid baby about this? Should i just give him what he wants? Or should i take a stand for my own personal boundaries and identity and move out? And if the latter, what should my next steps be?
Thank you for reading this wall of runes. I'm going to pass out now. Good night.
2024.05.20 06:58 SincerelyMissSin Ma was it all a lie
We were best friends up until I turned 15. I was your confidante, your protector, your therapist. We were so close. You told me everything. Despite how you smothered my brother with hugs and kisses and say he was the only boy of a Latin mother over and Over. Despite you always seeming annoyed with me. We used to watch lifetime movies together and you'd tell me about your life. I didn't notice how you'd expect me to sacrifice so you didn't have to be uncomfortably I didn't understand why you'd like to pick on me
When I was a week from being 15 you told me we were moving to California so you could be with the man you had been talking on the phone to. I knew of him. You had a crush on him in high school. But you were telling me you were going to marry this guy. I was asking you why? You didn't answer me. I asked, jokingly, if your new man was going to give me a birthday present since you were I don't know uprooting our lives. You told me that him marrying you was the the greatest gift he could give me.
Ma, as soon as we got to California you didn't need me anymore. Gone were the long talks, gone were the lifetime movies gone was our friendship as you and your man were newlyweds. You and him disappeared into your own little world, whilst my brother had your man's father as companionship. I became alone. T your new man's father hated my guts on sight. And would make it very known that he did. You told me to be the bigger person ask for forgiveness try to be better until T went after your son. When it came to me I was always the one you sacrificed and I was willing to do it cause I loved you so much
We moved again 5 months later, you were pregnant with his kid. We moved to Pennsylvania after you grounded me for my grades slipping. Indefinitely you told me. I was grounded from wearing my usual clothes. Band shirts and jeans. You had me in cleavage bearing stuff that were girly, stuff you'd like. We lived in a hotel room for 3 months. You and your man hastily planned this move a week after telling me. I was depressed you were in love. You told me you didn't know me anymore and why couldn't I be happy for you like my brother
Fast forward a couple months. I'm in isolation none of you will talk to me, I'm being punished it's been a month and a half for calling your man a fucker in an email to a friend. I'm not allowed at the dinner table anymore, not allowed to eat unless I ask. The worst thing for me is thet you burned my band shirts. Even the Floyd one I loved the most, you burned them and my journals. And you and your man called me a sociopath because I cared more about my stuff then calling your man a fucker in an email shortly after we moved to California I was also grounded from listening to music Indefinitely because you were Christian now and my music didn't edify the lord
I was blamed for everything, told that it was me who had to change, doped on geodon berated every chance yall got. You beat the crap out of me after I turned 16. Forced me into a drug test when i was 17 Threw me hand cuffed in a closet when I was 18. Amongst all the times you and the family berated me and mocked me and screamed at me in what I call M bashed and more isolation and more privileges taken away Indefinitely. Or that time you told the guy I liked how I felt because I told him how your husband told me to cut myself to the bone
You and your husband loved to remind me of my parentage. You especially told me to never have children because they'd be like my father, you also told me that because of my father I had to always fight the evil side in me no matter what. My brother didn't have to but I did. Because i was like him
I took your word as gospel ma, was it all a lie. Was your " love " for me a lie? I worshipped the ground you walked on for so long. I was the perfect mirror now I don't know who I am. So please ma tell me was everything a lie
submitted by SincerelyMissSin to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
When I was a week from being 15 you told me we were moving to California so you could be with the man you had been talking on the phone to. I knew of him. You had a crush on him in high school. But you were telling me you were going to marry this guy. I was asking you why? You didn't answer me. I asked, jokingly, if your new man was going to give me a birthday present since you were I don't know uprooting our lives. You told me that him marrying you was the the greatest gift he could give me.
Ma, as soon as we got to California you didn't need me anymore. Gone were the long talks, gone were the lifetime movies gone was our friendship as you and your man were newlyweds. You and him disappeared into your own little world, whilst my brother had your man's father as companionship. I became alone. T your new man's father hated my guts on sight. And would make it very known that he did. You told me to be the bigger person ask for forgiveness try to be better until T went after your son. When it came to me I was always the one you sacrificed and I was willing to do it cause I loved you so much
We moved again 5 months later, you were pregnant with his kid. We moved to Pennsylvania after you grounded me for my grades slipping. Indefinitely you told me. I was grounded from wearing my usual clothes. Band shirts and jeans. You had me in cleavage bearing stuff that were girly, stuff you'd like. We lived in a hotel room for 3 months. You and your man hastily planned this move a week after telling me. I was depressed you were in love. You told me you didn't know me anymore and why couldn't I be happy for you like my brother
Fast forward a couple months. I'm in isolation none of you will talk to me, I'm being punished it's been a month and a half for calling your man a fucker in an email to a friend. I'm not allowed at the dinner table anymore, not allowed to eat unless I ask. The worst thing for me is thet you burned my band shirts. Even the Floyd one I loved the most, you burned them and my journals. And you and your man called me a sociopath because I cared more about my stuff then calling your man a fucker in an email shortly after we moved to California I was also grounded from listening to music Indefinitely because you were Christian now and my music didn't edify the lord
I was blamed for everything, told that it was me who had to change, doped on geodon berated every chance yall got. You beat the crap out of me after I turned 16. Forced me into a drug test when i was 17 Threw me hand cuffed in a closet when I was 18. Amongst all the times you and the family berated me and mocked me and screamed at me in what I call M bashed and more isolation and more privileges taken away Indefinitely. Or that time you told the guy I liked how I felt because I told him how your husband told me to cut myself to the bone
You and your husband loved to remind me of my parentage. You especially told me to never have children because they'd be like my father, you also told me that because of my father I had to always fight the evil side in me no matter what. My brother didn't have to but I did. Because i was like him
I took your word as gospel ma, was it all a lie. Was your " love " for me a lie? I worshipped the ground you walked on for so long. I was the perfect mirror now I don't know who I am. So please ma tell me was everything a lie
2024.05.20 06:57 fwork_ Eta cancelled
Hi all, hopefully you can give me some advice.
I have arrived in Canada in Sept 2023 with a LMIA exempt work permit, entered Canada with my eTA and applied for the WP at POE, all approved and fine until now.
I am planning on leaving the country for a short holiday and decided to just check the eta status and it is very confusing. Status says "approved" with end date in 2027 but in the additional notes it says the eta has been cancelled following some review.
I never received a notification about the cancellation and there is no reason listed, only that it has been cancelled and to reapply if I think conditions have changed.
The only similar info I have been able to find is related to the changes for Mexico, but I am from Europe so I don't think that's the reason.
Any idea what I can do other than trying to call IRCC?
Thanks!!!
submitted by fwork_ to ImmigrationCanada [link] [comments]
I have arrived in Canada in Sept 2023 with a LMIA exempt work permit, entered Canada with my eTA and applied for the WP at POE, all approved and fine until now.
I am planning on leaving the country for a short holiday and decided to just check the eta status and it is very confusing. Status says "approved" with end date in 2027 but in the additional notes it says the eta has been cancelled following some review.
I never received a notification about the cancellation and there is no reason listed, only that it has been cancelled and to reapply if I think conditions have changed.
The only similar info I have been able to find is related to the changes for Mexico, but I am from Europe so I don't think that's the reason.
Any idea what I can do other than trying to call IRCC?
Thanks!!!
2024.05.20 06:57 MusicRepresentative4 Why are remote business owners assholes?!
I went to south Florida to Blue Lagoon Farm and they’re complete assholes for a place that looks so good in pictures but in real life is so trashy. The reason why I’m upset and low key hurt is because I planned a date with my gf to go here 2 days ago and I was hyped to take her there because in the pictures the water looked super nice and natural but when we got there it was the following:
For those that want to know the details: if you see their reviews, the owners are lashing out the negative comments by calling them liars and dumb. That’s messed up because your consumers are who make the business. They’re making money off of people who are unaware that the images aren’t like the place they advertise. Which again I think it’s okay to an extent because conditions aren’t always the same but damn was it freaking bad.
The other thing was point 4. I had left my shoes there which were nice shoes and honestly my favorite pair. Since they were suede shoes Nike brand, I took them off at a place far from the water (which was were my table was at) and left them there to try out the water in my bathing suit. These shoes are 1 month old with minimal use. When I left I noticed that I left them there and I live somewhat far, so I asked if they could hold them until the next day morning (since they were closing already). The person on the call was saying that they were going to leave them outside side of the house because they were closing but they’d hold them if I come early the next day. Anyways, the next day they get picked up. The shoes are MUDDY, torn up, like they were dragged through a field. These $300 shoes! So essentially they won’t hold responsibility because I left them there and they “found them like this”. Even though I left at the closing time and had to guide the owner via phone call as to where to find them.
I get that it’s my fault I left them there, but Jesus I wouldn’t expect someone to trash them because of that and then act like they don’t know what happened when they said they would hold on to them. The dirty shoes is fine but tearing them?! It wasn’t until that happened that I started seeing their reviews and apparently they’re nasty like that to other customers.
Thank you. Sorry just had to vent this out, idk where else to
submitted by MusicRepresentative4 to Vent [link] [comments]
- The water was murky as hell
- It was over crowded and it wasn’t safe at all for people there given that bottles were in the water
- The owners were mad rude
- I left my shoes there and they returned them to me all torn up.
For those that want to know the details: if you see their reviews, the owners are lashing out the negative comments by calling them liars and dumb. That’s messed up because your consumers are who make the business. They’re making money off of people who are unaware that the images aren’t like the place they advertise. Which again I think it’s okay to an extent because conditions aren’t always the same but damn was it freaking bad.
The other thing was point 4. I had left my shoes there which were nice shoes and honestly my favorite pair. Since they were suede shoes Nike brand, I took them off at a place far from the water (which was were my table was at) and left them there to try out the water in my bathing suit. These shoes are 1 month old with minimal use. When I left I noticed that I left them there and I live somewhat far, so I asked if they could hold them until the next day morning (since they were closing already). The person on the call was saying that they were going to leave them outside side of the house because they were closing but they’d hold them if I come early the next day. Anyways, the next day they get picked up. The shoes are MUDDY, torn up, like they were dragged through a field. These $300 shoes! So essentially they won’t hold responsibility because I left them there and they “found them like this”. Even though I left at the closing time and had to guide the owner via phone call as to where to find them.
I get that it’s my fault I left them there, but Jesus I wouldn’t expect someone to trash them because of that and then act like they don’t know what happened when they said they would hold on to them. The dirty shoes is fine but tearing them?! It wasn’t until that happened that I started seeing their reviews and apparently they’re nasty like that to other customers.
Thank you. Sorry just had to vent this out, idk where else to