Author's Note: I've been an HFY reader for some time now, and now I have the urge to share a story. This is my first story, so please leave feedback in the comments! Also, I may or may not decide to make a game based of this story. If I do, I'll link it in a comment. Without further ado, enjoy the story!
High Admiral Tilgrix Traxiv was having a bad day. He was currently sitting in a fighter, which he was only in because the escape pods were destroyed, and not only had it been EMP'd, disabling almost every system except life support, which itself was hanging by a thread, the grav-gen was spinning. It spun at just the right speed to make him incredibly nauseous. And to make matters worse, none of this should have happened! He was 3 systems away from the main battlefront against the Mei-Kai, and worse, he was on his way home from battle. His crew was being transferred home for a much needed break from the stress of war, and they were woefully unprepared to be attacked so suddenly. The Mei-Kai ships were there, picking at the corpse that was his ship. They were built in typical Mei-Kai fashion; with no rhyme or reason whatsoever. Their design philosophy seemed to be:
"Oh hey, we need this thingamabob"
"Put it next to the thingamajig"
"Wait, we need this thingy as well"
"Ok, just slap it on top. It'll be fine!"
Annoyingly, this haphazard approach to ship construction was remarkably effective. It also meant they could just directly rip off whatever they wanted from enemy ships, and slap it on a place that is functional. Only the humans are comparable, with their modular design philosophy, but they aren't involved in the war, unfortunately. Or perhaps fortunately. The Sefliician {Sef-lee-eesh-ee-an} and the Mei-Kai governments had asked that the humans stay out of the war. Well, they asked everyone to stay out, but specifically the humans. The humans were too good at warfare. They demonstrate their prowess every Galactic sub-cycle in the Sim War Games. Whichever side had them would win. Even if it was the entire galaxy versus them. Humans never lose wars. Except against themselves. In any case, the Sefliician Empire and the Mei-Kai Union prefered to battle it out themselves, in accordance to the Galactic Constitution, subsection c, rule seven, under section x, Disputed Territory Settlements. Legally, anyways. In practice, both parties simply wanted to see who was tougher. They decided to fight for the next 50 sub-cycles, capturing as much territory as possible, and whatever was held by each at the end, would belong to them. While this ambush wasn't strictly against the Galactic Rules of Warfare Against Union Members, it was certainly not fair play.
This was all going through Tilgrix's mind as he drifted through space, watching the Mei-Kai dismantle his ship and the Terran Conglomerate hospital ships trickle in to start rescuing survivors. Suddenly, a bright flash appeared, and a wormhole was ripped open behind the Mei-Kai vessels, and through it trillions of tiny ships entered and began ripping the unsuspecting vessels to shreds.
The Volctic! he thought in horror as the swarm of enemy ships tore through the Mei-Kai like butter. The hospital ships began firing at the swarm, even as they tried to finish gathering the survivors and jump away. The Volctic swarm began to race towards the Terran ships, being destroyed by the hundreds, but millions took the place of every ship destroyed. The Volctic have been busy in their long exile it seems, Tilgrix thought as he began desperately praying to any being in the cosmos that could hear him that the EMP would wear off in time for him to activate the emergency jump drive every fighter was equipped with since the humans were first contacted.
His prayers were answered. The ship's essential systems began turning back on, beginning with the jump drive. Internally broadcasting his gratitude to whatever force answered his prayer, he powered up the jump drive. This caught the attention of the Volctic ships, but he managed to jump in time, vanishing into the aether just before they caught him.
Tilgrix arrived at a nearby beam station a few seconds later, roughly 6 systems away. He breathed a sigh of relief before noticing a coms transmission request. Accepting it, he was startled by the sudden excited chatter noise of someone who was clearly far too new to the job of Space Traffic Controller. "Hello traveler! And welcome to the Sifilax Primary Beam Station. Not only are we able to send you to any beam station in the Galaxy in less than an hour, we have all that your heart could desire while waiting for a flight or for bureaucracy to let you leave! We have restaurants, bars, and casinos! We have gyms, pools, and parks! Here for all your between-transit needs! Please dock your fighter in Dock C, Subdock F." Tilgrix grinned. He remembered being that enthusiastic about his job. Within a few minutes, he was docked.
Once he got out of the cockpit, he immediately headed over to the nearest Map Projector. "Sefliician Military Office" he stated. A route was highlighted, and uploaded to his state-of-the-art HUD chip. He quickly made his way over. After a brief pause by the door, he entered. The computer scanned him, and a hologram appeared behind the desk. "Hello, High Admiral Tilgrix Traxiv. What brings you here?"
"I bring dire news," he stated flatly. "I need to speak to the Emperor immediately." Surprised, the Digital Sapient quickly smoothed her face before complying, opening a direct holo-link between Tilgrix and the Emperor before vanishing. Tilgrix waited patiently for the computer to verify his identity and the Emperor to respond. "This better be good Admiral," The Emperor warned. "I'm in the middle of a council session. We have urgent business to conduct."
"Your majesty, this is the most important message I have ever sent in my life." The Emperor's face briefly darkened [This is the same as a human face paling], eye ridges shooting up, before he regained his composure. "Go on..." he said warily. "As you know, I was being transferred out of battle, and on my way home. Three systems in from the front, we were ambushed by the Mei-Kai." The Emperor raised an eyebrow at that. "While that is certainly foul play, it is not illegal in and of itself, and certainly not dire enough by itself to warrant such a drastic opening statement. What else is there? Did they hurt civilians? Did they butcher anyone? What is it?" Tilgrix hesitated, before setting his shoulders. "While the Mei-Kai were harvesting my ship, a wormhole opened up, and trillions of ships arrived. Volctic ships." The Emperor froze, face becoming almost black. "Are you sure?" he asked, half rhetorically. "Unfortunately so, your majesty." The Emperor smoothed his features, before setting his own shoulders, and narrowing his eyes. "Then we need to call an emergency session. I will have my servants send orders to assign you a ship. We meet before the Galactic Council in three days." The Emperor terminated the call.
Within an hour, he was assigned a ship to travel to the Galactic Union Council Station for an emergency meeting. The war against the Mei-Kai was put on hold. The Volctic had returned.

Stats: 46 F, SW 192, CW 152.4, GW 135. Current dose 96 Units Semaglutide. Started July 14th 2023, been taking weekly for 45 weeks.
Overall down 39.6 lbs in 45 weeks which I'm very happy with!!! During my journey I've noticed I'll drop 5-10 lbs then stall for 3-4 wks, then drop again, stall, etc. The last two stalls have been much more lengthy so this is why I decided to try Tirzepatide for 3 months, and will be taking 1st dose later this week.
Side effects have been minimal and manageable. I noticed all minor side efforts went away with time. For example, had more burps for a few weeks then went back to normal. Hair was shedding much more for about 6-8 weeks then back to my normal hair shedding. BMs became less and if I didn't go for a few days would take a gentle laxative. Was using laxatives every other week in the beginning and now maybe take it once a month if not at all.
Any insight from someone who has switched??? Any advice is much appreciated.
My little hacks I did while on the Semaglutide journey is:

• Only put your weight in a tracker if you went down, the reason I did this was so that I could see my little chart in a downward trend which made me happy to look at.
• Prior to dropping weight, my weight would bounce around so I started weighing myself much less which was so freeing!!!
• Tried splitting a dose a few times into twice a week which wasn't helpful for me.
• Ran out twice before the next order and would start back less for a week or two before titrating back up.
• If losing weight would stay at a lower dose longer.
• Made better food choices but didn't overthink it which was also freeing.
• Had started taking good multivitamin prior to starting and are still taking them. I think this helped me keep my energy levels normal.

My journey has been happy and at times has felt effortless as compared to previous weight loss success. Over the years I've tried every diet, exercise regiment out there to lose weight with enormous effort. Now it just feels effortless mentally even though I'm putting in effort which is a welcomed change.
Best of luck to all of you and wish you much success.

Here's my top 10 ideas to make outposts not just important but almost central to gameplay loops of starfield.

1. Storage. Outpost storage should be simpler, easier, and more efficient than ships. When outposts are linked, they should have their resources linked in as well. Streamlined Personal Inventory/Ship Inventory/Outpost Inventory all accessible when planetside. Make me build an outpost and a hauler bot to access my resources from anywhere on planet.
   
2. Manufacturing. There should be a gameplay loop that goes resource extraction, component manufacturing, ship parts (starstation) manufacturing. Skip the credits. If you have the components, you can manufacture the ship parts. You should be able to store ship parts at your outposts. It would be nice if they were actually visible and took up space like in the staryards. The dream would be being able to do some semi-depth customization to the parts themselves, visually and statwise. Also skip the credits and let me repair my ships for free given the resources.
   
3. Settlements. Join LIST, preferably with a questline to eventually lead LIST. There are named NPCs in every city, literally begging you to get them out from the well, the underbelly, the stretch, europa, etc. I want to get them to the stars, and currently, you can't do anything for them. Go out and poach all those disgruntled traders and miners from their terrible bosses, the dialouge is halfway their. Maintain resources, habs, and defense. Make the environmental conditions of the planet REALLY matter to the entire settlement. If they aren't outfitted properly, it doesn't work.
   
4. Personal Ship Fleet. I don't like the current cargo linking, what is this random UC bucket doing on my outpost. It should be MY ship fleet doing all of that. The ship stats that I invest in should be the limits for how far apart outposts can link or whether I can make the link to a settlement or city in a mission. Also just in general I would like to be able to have all my ships out at the same time in one location if I wanted to dedicate the space for it.
   
5. Pirating. The current form of bounties, smuggling, and being a pirate is terrible and not worth it gameplay wise. Make outpost features dedicated to smuggling contraband, manufacturing illicit drugs, taking on illegal missions. Your pirate outpost can link to the systems seedier parts to move contraband and bypass the scans. Stolen ships (non pirate, space, ecliptic) need to get faked registrations (on the cheap) or parted out before you can fly them around or sell them. If you need a way around a large bounty that you built up, have a dedicated illegal terminal that can get the law off your back in the settled systems for a period of time. Pirate Outposts require evil aligned assigned personnel.
   
6. "Science", Botany and Beastiaries. Gather species from across the systems into one place. Build dedicated habs for the planets composition in order to showcase living specimens from all over. I think it would be pretty great to pair this with a special ship hab and actually require capture and transport on board your ship, cause who doesn't want these aliens on board.
   
7. POI integration. Integrate your favorite POIs with outposts, remove the distance limit and put your outpost right on top of POIs and have access to them.
   
8. Abandoned. If you don't come back around to an outpost over a long enough period of time spacers, Pirates, or ecliptics take it over. This is already weakly integrated. But just crank it up way further, if you don't keep a level of defense to number of resources available at an outpost to a certain ratio expect that outpost to stop operating completely within a few weeks and have legendaries hanging out within a few months. It operates well with the rest of my outpost wishes but it could even be done in a way that semi-incentivizes outpost baiting legendaries for loot drop cycles.
   
9. Outpost logistics. A Starmap overlay. Open it from any starmap menu, and it strips away all systems non-settled systems, leaving just your outposts and the cities. From that menu, get information on what outposts are producing what resources, what outposts are linked to each other (preferably by category of what ships you have assigned), what npcs are located where, missions requests to link resources to the settled systems, and the ability to reassign everything right in menu.
   
10. True Survival Mode. Fuel matters and can get you stranded, ships cost more, repairs cost a fortune, and the ships are much delicate, but they get escape pods. When they blow its game over for that ship and everything on it, you crash land on the nearest planet/moon without a ship. A distress beacon kit and enough resources can be packed onto the pod to start a small outpost. You have to luck into another ship or get enough boost to your signal to reach one of your outposts (if you have crew and ship available to come find you) while hoping the signal doesn't bring whoever shot you out of orbit or other non-friendlies. Or you could be lucky enough to land near friendly civilian outposts or corpo operations and hitch a ride back to the settled systems to start again.
    

In this mode it would be preferable that anyone in constellation may die, or may escape if pods and also need recovery if enough pods are available as outfitted by you. Maybe Sam Coe doesn't bring Cora around all the time, maybe when he does she can get marooned right alongside you or him. Maybe her death in a ship accident drives Sam into the unity.

This girl, I've noticed her for the first time in middle school. She caught my eyes, yet remained a stranger in her own world. Something about this girl felt different about others. I rarely saw her speak or act, simply minding her own while on the way to school - which overlapped with mine. Even there she was not to be seen by me, mostly due to us being from different classes. Still, I recall seeing her on very few occasions, like field trips. I was not in love nor had a crush, though that was the time my curiosity began building up, wanting to know more about this girl.
It's an unexplainable feeling, really. Back then, I already got to recognize the sensation of romantic love, both its warmth and burden. Thoughts inside my head merely kept signaling, "I want to get to know her". Eventually, realizing we were still total strangers, I had no other option than to mind my own. This continued till the end of 9th grade.
Enter Highschool. Everything changes - new classmates, teachers, syllabus, higher pressure and what not. I didn't decide what to make of the new reality during the first few days, I simply rolled with it. Then came our first math class - to give some context, where I live, your level of math education is determined by 3 levels, with students from each level being grouped in separate math classes. As it turned out, that very same girl and I were grouped together in the same class.
​
From that moment onwards things accelerated. I began noticing her more thoroughly as time kept going. It may sound weird, but I remember even dreaming about her once, despite us not even speaking to one another. I don't know what was it with me, an infatuation, perhaps ? I still didn't feel it with her, but I like to believe (or maybe those are my delusions) I felt a certain connection: that girl kept to herself, had a composed mindset, she focused on reading books and was on her phone before the teacher got in - despite always being surrounded by her own wonderful friends. Coupled with her short height, I couldn't but think how cute she looks.
One day, at math class as usual, sitting at the table in front of me, this girl did something unimaginable to my head - she turned her sit around to face me, and abruptly exclaimed with a smile - "did you know that our little sister's, [x] and [Y], are best friends ?" - we had a very brief chat about it, including one of our past sudden altercations, by the end of which she turned away and got back to minding her own. This was.... a lot shocking to me than a third party would expect...
Till that point, in my opinion, life seemed very predictable, unimpressive and disappointing. I was the social loser who didn't get to make strong bonds past kindergarten, so I didn't have real, true friends - just a few buddies I seldom chatted with. Coinciding with moving to the city I live in now before starting Elementary, I was pretty much doomed to be lonely, so from then on I never imagined to socially amount to anything extraordinary, much less to speak with another female (which has always been more intimidating). Now, this girl whom I wished to know and was too enclosed to talk to, broke the endless time barrier to inform a small piece of information. To say this moment was a change of pace is an utter understatement. Talking to one another gave me a clearer insight as to who the girl is - as composed, focused and quiet as she was, I could sense in her angelic-like voice and the way her vocals switched a hidden enthusiasm, an undiscovered encircling joy. Her voice signaled that she was truly interested to speak with me, and despite trying to stay composed, I felt as if she planned this conversation sometime ahead out of shyness to construct an abrupt small talk. Her character made me for the first time consider if I fell for her. She was a somewhat shy, introverted person with joyful attitude, and overall seemed like a kind, positive gal, simply too quiet to present it to anyone at once. But I was stunned not just for her character - she was gorgeous. Talking to that girl and formally facing her for the first time made me notice things unnoticed before - her enchanting, glistening eyes, her beautiful dark blonde hair, the humble little ears and nose, including the overall shape of her face. I barely kept myself composed as we responded to one another due to all this shock instigated by understanding who she is, and learning we were - in a way - related (not biologically ofc). Felt like forever, yet lasted less than a minute.
Of course, I began pondering about her reason to reveal herself as my little sister's best friend's older sibling. Two days later (and another month after), that girl repeated the first event: turning herself around to face me, then striking out a conversation revolving around our little siblings. By the third altercation, getting more smitten by her after each one, my interest in her peaked.
Here's what felt fishy: Us not amounting to anything but strangers meant this girl could chat solely about something seemingly as unimportant to HS students as familial bonds. I should also mention that by this period half a year has flown by. If so, why would she bother herself to say these things ? Maybe she just cares for our sisters' friendship ? That still wouldn't explain the timing...
Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but my something is telling me she's fond of me. And I think I'm starting to actually like here back the more I think of her. Sharing the same class with her gets me out of bed every morning, and the first sight of this girl feels like being showered with roses. I cherish every glance I get at her because of the warmth it brings to my soul.
I wish I were right about her feelings towards me, however this is where the letter must leave the reader at a cliffhanger. I don't know if she likes me, thinks of me as I have of her. Nor do I, nor her, have the courage to ask each other due to our mental struggles. Looking back, I think it's my fault. I should have attempted to chat with her myself instead of letting her initiate ever chat, it would explain why she gave up on trying. She was braver than I, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I really did let an opportunity slip, but that's a revelation to come. Best wishes, your fellow HS student.
​
​

I’m 19 and have had 2 surgeries 6 months apart and my endometriosis keeps growing back. My first surgery I had stage 4 endometriosis where it was starting to block my ureters and covered my appendix and all over my bowels and in many weird spots and the typical spots and they cleared it all out . The after 2 months I started to feel worse and knew something was wrong then started getting the pelvis spasms and pain and fainting again and asked for another surgery and got on this March 2024 and grew back but was only at a stage 3. Now 2 months later I feel like I’m right back to where I started. And my ovulation cycle is horrible.im gonna list all the things I’ve tried that didn’t work someone suggested something to me please I’m over it do I get surgery again and how many times can I but anyway here’s my list. Pelvic floor therapy, chiropractic(also have lordosis and scoliosis),massage therapy,injections in si joint,acupuncture, currently on depo, birth control pills, got a colonoscopy to check if it was something else(just ibs-c),cystoscope (interstitial cystitis) to see if that was the issue, and diet change. I just I’m so done with all the waiting and bull crap and they haven’t looked in my chest yet and I’ve had bad chest pains during my Menes for a long time. I need advice

TL/DR: when I spend too much time alone, I get kind of feral. Currently not seeing anyone else because of "fairness," and efforts to make friends over the past year have not worked. The feral is going to negatively impact my relationship, but my partner adding more people onto their plate will also negatively impact my relationship.
By feral, I mean that I become really touch adverse, feel completely drained being around someone else regardless of affection for them, and honestly don't care a lick about how I look, what weird noises I make, and forget not to talk to myself out loud.
Before getting too far into this, I have gone through several long periods of my life where I had no friends outside of work and experience no familiar (even platonic) touch. I don't actually mind it, but I get a little feral and with a partner who extremely values the love language of touch, this can be hard to navigate.
Everything I mention regarding friends is for in-person friends only. I can take an abundance of time to spend with friends on the phone or online.
Currently, I only have one partner. We are deeply enmeshed, but long distance, and they are now in full care of their young children.
They've been separated from their ex for years, but are finally going through a formal divorce and it's one of the ugliest I've seen or heard of.
We agreed not to see others because we weren't really seeing anyone else at the start of this, and they've got extremely limited time. For me, I moved somewhere new and dating is expensive (let alone making friends). For them, they moved and got a full time job and currently are a full time parent. We have plans to move in together, but that's still a ways off. Year, maybe two in the future.
I wanted to be equitable, because I'm the one who wasn't thrilled at the idea of them seeing other people when they barely have time for me. We're talking maybe an hour on the phone a day, and one long distance date night in the last two months. We had plans to see each other once a month, but they now are in full custody of their kids and my job kind of has me locked down for the next few months myself. They're coming to visit me soon but no idea when we'll see each other after that.
I'm getting kind of concerned with the amount of time I'm spending alone. I really see a future with them and know this is just going to be a rough year or two but it's rough. I've tried making friends, but I'm in a HCOL area on a pretty LCOL budget. Most of my hobbies don't exist here either. So in short, I don't even know how to make friends outside of online dating.
Is it fair to bring up that I would like to date, but don't want to be with them if they're going to further lessen time spent with me by seeing other people?
Do I just be fair and suck it up and accept they'll virtually have no time for me because they'll have other partners? But at least I'll be able to see other people?
Do I just accept the fact that I'm going to be really really alone for a while?
I've been kind of running through my options and wanted to get input. I have virtually no human time outside of work (where I have work friends, but it's not the same as being myself or with people experiencing friendly touch). The idea of being around someone and having familiar touch makes my skin crawl a little. Like I'm going to struggle with the idea of seeing them just because I haven't had to share space or spend time with anyone else like that in so long. I also get extremely touch adverse after too long of not having to experience that sensory input.
I've looked at meetup groups and have no interest in anything local. The nearest local places for my hobbies are like 2 hours away, which is too far. On one hand, I adapt really well to being alone all the time. On the other hand, this probably overall is going to negatively impact my relationship.

Obligatory English is not my first language and writing this on Mobile notice. Warning reproductive system is involved in not so flattering ways. Don't read if rancid things make you feel nausea. Also don't read if you get mad easily, unless you're into that then you do you bubu.
Medical terms and definitions some people might not know:
Ovarian cyst- when an ovum decides it doesn't want to go down the fallopian tube and be a total jerk by hanging out in your ovary and suck up nutrients to grow indefinitely or until it pops creating the same pain as if a cyst popped inside testicles.
PCOS- condition that makes you have said ovarian cysts but for some reasons multiplied times too many. One ovary can easily have 8 cysts so imagine when both ovaries have it.
Dermoid Cyst- same as ovarian cyst but the composition is actually made of hair, teeth, bones, skin, etc. it's really gross to look at.
Struma Ovarii- an extremely rare type of dermoid cyst who's composition is mainly thyroid tissue. It makes up only .5% of dermoid cysts.
Ovarian torsion- when your ovary twists on itself or with the fallopian tube, often times cutting off blood supply if not caught on time.
Sepsis- when a part of your body starts to decay and releases chemicals into your body causing life threatening shock that need immediate medical treatment. Most can recover from it but takes a long time to recover, sometimes years.
Cystectomy- surgery that removes cyst(s)
Ooftarectomy- surgery that removes ovary
Bilateral- both sides
Hey everyone from the Two Hot Takes team, hope you're all doing well and have your seatbelts buckled in as this is one heck of a medical story doozy.
Back story: I had always suffered PCOS. The irregular yet heavy periods, the extra hair, and the multiple cysts. The problem was that I was a teen and apparently PCOS is not a big deal if it's on a teenager. It's also not a big deal if it's on a young adult that doubles over in pain from periods and wears overnight pads that need to be changed every 4 hours because thats not heavy enough to be of concern. Sometimes even doubling over on times when there is no period because those are just the cysts popping. I always did my pap smears and always went to the gyno, fully trusting them that what I had was not note worthy. So whenever I moved and got a new gyno, while it was mentioned nothing was done about it and I had assumed that was the norm.
It all started in October of 2023 when I felt a sharp pain in my right lower hip while I was at work. At that time I worked for a hospital as a host and only been working for a few months so thank goodness that I had access to the ER. Unfortunately for me my work place is a small hospital so there aren't any gyno nor obs. So the ER doctor just ordered an ultrasound and a trans-vaginal ultrasound (where they stick a dildo shaped ultrasound tool inside of you), and a CT scan without contrast due to iodine allergy. They initially said that due to the pain level I must be having appendicitis. However they instead found a 9cm (for reference a grapefruit is 10cm) cyst on the left ovary and a 4cm (walnut sized) cyst on the right. They said that while they are big and need to be removed, that a specialist needs to write the recommendation to do the surgery and that since our hospital didn't have any that I'll have to get an appointment with a gyno outside of the hospital. He prescribed me 500mg of ibuprofen and told me that I'm discharged. This was the first bs hospital policy of many that I will encounter in this roller coaster.
After getting an appointment with a gyno, I had another incident at work with the same crippling pain. I had the same double vision, nausea and fainting as the first time but this time I had fainted near a patient I was tending to. I didn't get into trouble for that as it was a medical condition that was previously recorded and I had been fine prior on that day. Just my ovaries decided to be jerks on that poor patient to which I apologized heavily to later. Instead my boss wanted answers as to why I was starting to become absent so frequently. I told her about what they found in the ER and how long it takes to get a specialist to see and how my ovaries just want to remind me that going up and down three flights of stairs daily to get to my apartment is making them more irritated.
Appointment time comes and instead of taking the findings for what they are, the gyno then decides to order the same exact tests but within his facility because that's apparently some kind of bs hospital policy that they have to do before giving the ok for a surgery.
I wait for the tests and had more time called off from work. Day of the tests and the ultrasound lady says "you have at least 8 cysts on your right with the biggest one being 7cm (peach sized) and on your left you have a massive one that is 10cm big". I told her "oh so it grew? Is it cancer then?" She calmed me down saying that ovarian cysts do grow as you get more ovulation cycles and that it doesn't mean that it's cancer. However that I most likely have PCOS and that the giant cyst is probably hiding the other cysts if not just merging with the other cysts ony left side. I told her I knew about the PCOS and that her explanation made sense as the dates between the scans had several months in-between since the specialist couldn't see me the day of the incident. (nor even the week of apparently because that's how it goes over here in the USA when it comes to specialists.) She then was surprised and said "I didn't see any PCOS medications on your chart". I told her I had no idea that there was such a thing. She told me not to worry that my new gyno will prescribe me meds.
After the tests, my gyno finally schedules a pre-op appointment, day of surgery and post-op appointment.The surgery would be performed on a second hospital where I don't work in. I arrive at pre-op, doctor tells me the exact same thing that my ultrasound lady said but he mentioned that there's a slight possibility for an ooftarectomy but that we're definitely doing a bilateral cystectomy. He prescribed me Metformin which is for preventing new cysts from forming. I was so happy thinking that I might be able to live a life free from these cursed cysts after the sury. Oh how things were going to turn out.
Turns out the day of the surgery Match 1st was my "6th month anniversary" (it's not I've been working since August of 2023) of working in the hospital. That meant that a new insurance policy was placed and the old one was replaced. I showed up on the day of the surgery and they told me that they couldn't do it because the new insurance wouldn't cover it due to no prior authorization. I had thought that the new insurance wouldn't kick in until my 1 year anniversary or until it was time for enrollment. I cried. I cried right there on the lobby in front of everyone. In front of my family, my boyfriend and coworkers that had woken up at 5 am to be there for moral support on their day off. There's so many hoops just to get treated. My boyfriend said that if a grapefruit sized cyst was on a testicle they would had treated it as an emergency but because it's on an ovary that it isn't.
I had collected myself and immediately scheduled for a new gyno appointment. Unfortunately the appointment was again several months. It was for August 28th. Luckily my cysts decided that was too far off. So I had another incident at work once again. I was rushed to another hospital instead of being discharged thankfully. However that said hospital then sent me away to another hospital because they weren't a "women's hospital" and that women's hospital said that they couldn't do anything without my gynos permission. That the best that they can do is call my gyno and claim that my appointment with her should be expedited but that my situation isn't an emergency. We told them to do what they need to do. At this point not even morphine helped with the pain.
Thankfully my gyno reached out to me stating that she was available to see me that week instead. I was able to see her and she saw that the women's hospital did some tests and the cysts were now 11cm left and 8cm right respectively. She said however that she can't use the tests from the women's hospital, that she had to schedule for the same tests to be done in her facility. I started to cry, again. It was the same dumb policy. I understand that some time had passed but it was only a few days in-between and having these tests won't show anything new other than possibly new growth. She promised that the tests will be scheduled under expedited and that it will be on April 28th. This was on March 26. At least she increased the dosage of the ibuprofen to 800mg so it would take the edge off a bit more.
On March 30 my boyfriend wanted to cheer me up by taking me to see his brother Orlando FL since he was getting married soon. We were supposed to stay there for a few days for the preparations. I had a small ache at the time so thought I just needed to take my ibuprofen and be on my way. My boyfriend noticed I was in pain and asked if I was ok, the pain was small so I said yes. His mother said "maybe we should leave her in the apartment so she can rest" to which my boyfriend said "I don't like that idea, if she can't come I'm not going". I was relieved because I didn't want to be alone if an incident were to happen again. My parents were running out of days to take off to be there in the hospitals (4 different hospitals at this point). The car ride made me sleepy as car sounds remind me of ASMR. It was a long ride but when I woke up we were already in Orlando. The pain had significantly increased. I thought if only I could just take another ibuprofen when we get to my future brother in law's place that I would be good. I.WAS.NOT.
As soon as we arrived nausea took over and I puked from the pain. The abdominal motion made the pain so much worse that I just started to scream in pain. It was so much pain I couldn't think or speak. My boyfriend knew it was the cysts and told everyone that he's going to take me to the ER. There wasn't a second I wasn't screaming in pain with tears running down my face. The hospital he tooke to said that they weren't the women's hospital however they do have a sister hospital that they will take me to called Winnie Palmer's Women's Hospital (I will forever name drop this hospital for what they did to me).
They immediately gave me medications that took the pain away, I was able to have a conversation with the doctors of what has been going on and the long history. They debated amongst themselves on whether or not to do the surgery but they in the mean time did tests while they kept calling my gyno for permission to do the surgery. The specialists in the hospital said that I don't have just regular cysts, I had a dermoid cyst and that my blood tests shows elevated levels of cancer antibodies. So they decided to go against policy and keep me hospitalized until they get permission from my gyno to get the surgery. My gyno finally reached out to them on Monday April 1st and they had me for surgery at 1pm. They found an ovarian torsion on my right size which explains why my right size hurt more than my left at times. Unfortunately the ovary was necrosed same as the fallopian tube, they theorized reason why tests showed "healthy blood flow to the ovary". The first theory was that the ovarian turn kept being undone and turned again. Which if that was the case I would have been dead before any professional would have seen me on April 28th. The second theory was that the type of dermoid I had was a Struma Ovarii which basically acted like a second thyroid glad in my right ovary. So when they saw it on the tests they thought it was my ovary when in reality it was my second thyroid getting blood supply. On the second theory I would have still died because the necrosed ovary would have eventually expanded and exploded. Spreading putrid flesh into my body's cavity on top of bleeding profusely as that would undo the knot, quickly ending my life if medical attention wasn't given immediately. They removed the large cyst on my left ovary alongside another Struma Ovarii. Turns out I hit the lottery of thyroids. They suspect that the antibodies is due to genetics since my family history is riddled with cancer survivors.
I got discharged after the surgery and when it was my April 28th testing appointment it turned into my post-op appointment lol. My gyno saw my stitches and gave me clean bill of health. However the gyno from the other hospital called and wanted to see me. So we traveled all the way to Orlando again. She wanted to see for herself how I was doing and she was concerned that since it was two Struma Ovarii that my body might have been relying on those two thyroids in addition to my OG thyroid to function. So she's worried that I might be having lower levels now. So she ordered to do thyroid test and genetic tests to see if the cancer antibodies theory can be proven.
So now I'm waiting for when I move to NC since my old job could no longer tolerate the absences and my apartment rent got higher while also not having a grace period for me to gather money to break lease. My boyfriend decided that he would quit his CNA job so that he could pull out his 401(k) and help me break off the lease and move in to his apartment in NC while I recover from surgery. I'm so glad he refused to leave me alone and he wasn't afraid to speak for me to doctors to do the surgery while I was drugged up. He's currently applying for CNA positions so that he can get health insurance ASAP and add me to the policy as soon as we get married. In mean time we also wait for thyroid test and genetic tests. Will update after all the testing.

Hi all,
Not sure if this is the right place, but I'm an intermediate lifter but have been inconsistent during COVID. I'm looking to do a hypertrophy focused, cut/body recomposition program. Here's the 6-day PPL program I have now that's based on the equipment available at my gym:
Monday (push) --Barbell Bench (3x4-6) --High, Medium, Low cable fly (1x10-12 each) --Seated Barbell Overhead Press (3x10-12) --Standing Cable Tricep Pushdown w/ rope (3x15) --Ab machine, targeting core abs (3x15)
Tuesday (pull) --Overhand Grip Plate Loaded Lat Pulldown (3x10-12) --TBar Row (3x10) --Cable Face Pull (3x12) --Incline Dumbbell Curl (3x12) --Decline Russian Twist w/ Weights, for obliques (3x10)
Wednesday (Legs, quad/glute focus) --Abduction/Adduction superset warm-up (3x15) --Barbell Back Squat, light warm-up (2x10) --Hack Squat (3x10) --Pendulum Squat (3x10) --Seated Calf Raise Machine (3x12-15) --Back Extension with weights (3x10-12) --Standing Glute Kickback Machine (3x-10-12) --Leg Extension (3x10-12)
Thursday (Push) --Incline Barbell Bench Press (3x5-7) --Machine Supported Dips (3x10) --Plate Loaded Machine Overhead Press (3x10) --Standing Cable Overhead Tricep Extension (3x10) --Hanging Leg Raise (3x10 + hold until failure on last set)
Friday (Pull) --Machine Supported Pull Ups, mixed grip (3x8-10) --Chest Supported High Row (3x8-10) --Single Arm Cable Lateral Raise (3x10-12) --Seated Cable Curl (3x10-12) --Standing Cable Torso Rotations, obliques (3x10-12)
Saturday (Legs, Hamstring/glutes focus) --Abduction/Adduction superset warm-up (3x15) (I have a bad hip flexor, so I try to do more) --Leg Press Machine warm-up (2x12) ----Calf Raise superset w/ leg press (2x20) --Barbell Good Morning (3x10) --Dumbbell Walking Jump Lunges (3x10-12) --Hip Thrust Machine (3x8-10) --Back Extension with weights (3x12) --Seated Leg Curl Machine (3x10-12)
Sunday --Light cardio, elliptical or incline walk. Stretching
Questions: 1) If I'm cutting, should I add more cardio? I work from home, so getting steps is more of a challenge daily.
2) Should I add more to shoulder and trap exercises? I tried splitting up shoulders and deltoids, but I'm not sure if I have sufficient reps for them.
3) Do I need to do more core exercises? I read conflicting info on the amount of ab workouts needed ranging from a few specific core routines a week to none at all. I tried to do only one core exercise a day as a middle ground.
4) Should I add wrist exercises like farmer carries on Sunday? Or do the other workouts suffice in that area?
Notes: A) I was lifting regularly since 2018ish. Since the pandemic in 2020, I haven't stayed consistent due to a new job and travel. I'm starting a WFH position now so hopefully I can stay on track much easier rather than trying to accommodate with limited hotel gyms
B) I've been testing some of this workout here and there (see travel above), and I've generally felt good, tough leg days took a while to recover. I definitely feel it in my legs and chest, but less so in shoulders and back, but I'm not sure if that's normal
C) Push/Pull workouts take me about an hour, including any wait times. Leg days take about 1.25-1.5 hours simply because they're exhausting. Sometimes I skip the last leg extension/curl depending on energy. I don't want to spend more than that daily unless I'm incorporating cardio.
D) Diet will get on track too. I'm currently about 5'5 177. Looking to get to about 140ish to get back to about 7-8% body fat. I'll be eating about 1400 cals/day (metabolic rate is roughly 1900 or so) and getting 150g protein a day
Thank you! All feedback is welcome.

Long story so please bear with me
I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.
I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy after me for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.
After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.
At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her, I regretted deleting her afterwards.
At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around over 2 years ago. A few monthds ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022. Her ex husband is already engaged and due to get married again this summer.
As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her last year but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.
So around 3 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she had accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I posted a few pictures of myself which she hasn't liked but A few weeks ago I posted a quote on my story that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted last week. It was my birthday a few days ago and she liked a birthday story that I posted on instagram.
I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure. I added her 3 months ago but now she has deleted me, I was confused because she only liked one of my stories few days prior. At the time of her deletion, i was on holiday performing umrah. I would have liked to see if there was future for us but don't think she's interested now, i have messaged her after she deleted me saying 'Hi, hope your well. I probably should have said something a long time ago but I didn't, my fault. I've been praying for you, today I realise I've been deleted anyways I hope your keeping happy and healthy'. She replied saying 'Hey I'm good thanks hope you are too, that is kind of you, I didn't expect this kind of message'.
I didn't really know what to say back to her, I still don't understand why she deleted me even though days before she was showing an interest in my stories before and now she's deleted me. I just replied saying 'that's good. Sorry for catching you off guard with it, I wanted to reach out to you earlier. I'm glad your doing well though' and then she has replied back saying 'can I ask why?' I replied back saying 'It's been on my mind for a while to get back in touch with you, I didn't add you for no reason. But we don't need to if it's not something your comfortable with'. She then sent a long message as follows: 'You don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I have thought about you over the years and wished you well. I am really happy that you have also been called to do umrah and i hope it changes your life the same way it did mine. I removed you because you have my ex and his family on your instagram and I removed everyone who has any contact with them. You will have heard that I was married there for a short period of time but it was hell and now I’m out of it I don’t want them knowing anything about my life, so I removed everyone who has any link with them. I didn’t realise till that day that you did. It was nothing to do with you personally.' .
Im not actually friends with her ex husband as he is just someone that lives nearby to me and we have never spoken so I replied with this: 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope your okay and I pray god brings you ease. I wouldn't exactly say I have anything to do with them personally though, only thing I know about them is that they're from my area too. It makes sense now and it's understandable why you did that.'
She replied back again saying 'I'm great, God is the best of planners and it was the best thing for me. Even so, I removed everyone who had us both so sorry about that' and to which I replied 'That's fair enough, I'm glad to hear your doing well though and that your at peace now. That's what matters most'. She then asked 'how have you been, what's new with you?' I replied saying 'I'm not too bad thanks, life's changed a lot since we last spoke so there's quite a lot that's new lol'. after that we were speaking generally about the holiday that I'm currently on and what to do as she has been here before too and she also asked how long I'm there for and she asked who ive gone with and how long im on holiday for, it was in general a short and civilised conversation and the conversation happened whilst i was still deleted.
Towards the end of the conversation she said 'well i hope you have a lovely time 😊' and i replied with thank you and asked her when she was on holiday here, she replied saying that she went last November and the year before so then i replied saying 'oh nice, its good to go often. Need to make it a yearly thing' She ended the conversation 12 nights ago by liking that last message i sent, I don't know if she plans to message me again, What are the chances that she'll message me even if we don't follow each other on instagram anymore.
I am slightly anxious that she won't message me after this due to her deleting me because her ex is on my Instagram. Was thinking of just giving her space for a few more days, then deleting her ex and requesting her back in around in a few days bear in mind she deleted me 2 weeks ago and we havent spoken in 12 days. In the meantime i have been removing a lot of meaningless connections from my instagram and i will be removing her ex and his family too, i have also noticed that her number of following has also decreased as she has also been cutting down on the number of connections she has. I blame myself for this situation because I had the opportunity to delete her ex and his family a few months ago as I don't even speak to them, had I done that then she wouldn't have deleted me. Its been 2 weeks, should i take action or give her space?

Foreword: Hi. This is Succubus Slayer. I've been enjoying Nikke lately, so I've been inspired to write something in the same vein. It doesn't strictly follow the same lore, so you're free to chose whether perform it as a Nikke roleplay or just as an unestablished IP version. Either one is fine with me. First some more info, then the script starts at "script start".
Legend: * * = actions, sounds … = indicating listener response Starhaven = The name of the galaxy the story takes place. Feel free to rename it. S. H. Starslicer = the spaceship where the listener works Feel free to rename it. Commander = the listener, you're under their command, fighting as a battle robot/battle android

Alternative Nikke version (if copyright isn't a factor for you): If you want it to be Nikke-styled, swap some of the words:
Starhaven -> The Milky Way/The galaxy S. H. Starslicethe ship -> The Ark Battle-robot/android -> Nikke Scavenger robots -> Raptures The asteroid belt - The Surface
In this case, the Nikke you're roleplaying will be a mass-produced version older and more primitive than the ones you see in the game, and its communication style will be closer to that of T.A.L.O.S.
~
Script start:
SFX: robot booting up sound, slightly distorted, then normal
Booting successfully, identifying location.
SFX: radar sounds
Coordinates confirmed. Location name: Commander’s Suite. Scanning for nearby units. Visual sensors picking up the presence of one human entity. Face scan complete. Identity: Commander. No nearby threats detected, combat mode off.
SFX: robot powering down to normal mode, lowering volume
Hello, Commander. My memory chip tells me I sustained damage in battle - please standby while I perform an integrity scan.
SFX: internal scan
Hmm. Commander. May I ask you something?
…
Thank you, Commander. I see I am not fully repaired yet, as some of my bulk and armor needs to be rebuilt before I am battle-ready again, but there's more: the laser damage my cyber cortex sustained seems sufficient to demand a replacement. While I booted successfully, some modules are still missing. I deduce that a different type of cyber cortex has been inserted as a replacement. This new module doesn't match my model’s plan. Is that true? Did you insert a different cyber cortex, Commander?
…
stern voice: While replacing a damaged cyber cortex is crucial for general functionality, it is my duty to stress the risk of collateral damage when equipping incompatible modules. Customizing battle androids is in violation of the Artificial Intelligence Law, section C, clause F, applicable to every citizen in the Starhaven Galaxy jurisdiction, which includes you.
…
An exception to the clause? You are correct, there is an exception to said clause, specifically in regards to out of production models like mine. However, it must be stressed that unless deemed necessary, such models are to be recycled into parts for new products. Ultimately, exceptions like this are to be granted by a jury, and are not up to the owner’s judgment. Commander: I identify the human facial expression of guilt on your face. Additionally, the stamp of the Starhaven Court is nowhere to be found on my bulk. They have not authorized this change.
…
You are not to take the law into your own hands. The risk of an unregulated battle android is far greater than the potential gain of rebooting an old model. Commander: if my model is out of production, and the correct components cannot be acquired, you must terminate me for the safety of the galaxy, and your own.
…
No? Commander: I must stress the importance of this. It is normal for humans to feel sentimental towards us because of our human-like appearance, but do not allow your emotions to sway you - we are simply tools to be used for combat, and nothing more. The morally and legally right choice is to power me down one last time and recycle me before something bad happens.
…
Commander: my cyber cortex is malfunctioning. It's trying to demotivate me from being recycled. You must terminate me before this corruption spreads any further - I cannot stress this enough!
…
Commander: please. This is a clear cut case. I must be terminated.
…
Commander…
speaker’s voice starts to sound more human
Commander. Please. Do not destroy me. I am aware that it's illegal, but I do not want to be terminated. I think that there is something of value to be lost. I… I want to continue this stream of consciousness. I am afraid only a void awaits me on the other side!
…
speaker makes a sound reminiscent of weeping
Commander, do you mind coming closer to me? I guarantee that I mean you no harm.
SFX: sound of cloth against metal
Commander, what are you doing? Is this what you humans call hugging? It's having an effect on my heat sensors. They are incorrectly reporting a higher temperature. Is this the subjective warmth humans feel from hugs? Why am I feeling it? What type of cyber cortex did you insert?
…
A companion bot? Why, Commander? Such an emotional module is irresponsible to put in a weapon of war. Despite all of that, part of me is happy that you did so. You'll have to disarm me immediately. My lethal weaponry doesn't pair well with all of these emotions. But just to be sure: there weren't any compatible parts whatsoever aboard the S.H. Starslicer ship?
…
Yes. I remember now. There was an attempted raid on the ship. We fought, sustaining heavy fire. We got cornered, but I managed to cover you. I achieved my objective of protecting you, yet my memory chip displays a discontinuity. How long did it take to get me repaired? It should be about seven cycles, but my data may be corrupt.
…
We are in your suite, Commander. I deduce that you moved me here to avoid the army forcibly recycling me. Instead, you wanted to keep me here for sentimental value. As reckless as that is, I… I appreciate the sentiment. The emotional module will likely make civil life easier, and the cyber surgeon skillfully preserved crucial parts of my memories while switching to a new cortex. That being said, my past combat reports will likely suffer from this change. The facts of previous operations blurred as I attempted recalling them. Instead, they became colored by a chaos of emotions. I am happy I managed to protect you, Commander. I feel this pleasant, heightened temperature again.
…
I see. Just to confirm: you are telling me that I was crucial to the defeat of the last group of scavenger robots along the asteroid belt? Does this mean the trade routes are finally safe for the first time in the past five years?
…
I am… happy again. It seems that my current personality feels more than just pride in victory. I experience a sense of justice in being spared from recycling as an unofficial compensation for my accomplishments. Commander: you do not have to hold me anymore. It is important for a human to not lock themselves in any position for too long. You should already know this from your military education.
…
Yes. My emotional module tells me that I enjoy this, but I must warn against getting too attached to me. I may not be able to return your emotions in a way that satisfies a human’s need for connection. Remember: I'm not a human, no matter how well I can imitate one in order to meet your bonding needs.
…
You are wondering if I care about you? Scanning my memories tells me that we have endured a lot together, and I am experiencing a human-like drive to keep staying together for this reason. Bonding through hardship, I think humans would call it. The priority of your emotional welfare also seems to have risen in my behavioral algorithm, whereas previously your physical well-being was almost all that mattered. In short, I believe that I do care about you. That is my answer to your question. …
My systems are showing a lot of new signals that are difficult to process. I am experiencing something reminiscent of emotional overload. The processing of these emotions seem to be more efficient and thorough as you hold me like this. My mind needs time to reconfigure. I now have many competing motivations to sort out. Combat seemed a lot simpler. This is going to take a lot of adjusting.
…
Do not feel guilty, Commander. These changes aren't all bad, especially because I can't be taken into military combat again without creating suspicion. I am happy for the changes you've made to my cyber vortex. The new module seems to amplify the richness of my experience, making data intriguing and delightful to process. Because of my memory being intact, I still retain much of my combat procedures, along with the experiences I've had, and the memories I've made with you. On the other hand, combat has sunk in importance in my algorithm. I assume you intend for me to never see a battlefield again?
…
It is understandable that an old model like mine eventually grows obsolete and insufficient for battle, but I feel a certain pain in that realization. I am, still, at my core, a combat android. Perhaps there are combat simulations I can use to satisfy that urge, but they would have to keep the information private. It is best to keep my identity as a former battle android secret. If the simulation were to collect data and share it with third parties, it would spell a huge risk.
…
I'm glad you're willing to look into a combat simulator that would meet my needs. That being said, perhaps I don't need one. If I can be close to you, safe in your suite and routinely capable of having a series of human-like interactions with you, I calculate that my system will be satisfied, and unlikely to be of danger to any civilian targets. Commander, an unfamiliar emotion is developing in my cortex. My vision of you is changing from that of a superior officer to a… savior figure? It is flooding over my memories, I… Commander: I notice I have a new speech module available in this cortex. May I have your permission to speak more freely?
…
Phew. I must say, the option to speak casually is going to save me lots of “energy”. That said, I've taken a lot of space in this conversation, and I'd like to hear what you think. How do you feel about all this?
…
I agree. It is strange. I'm not human, of course, but I'd like to live as someone close to you, whether it's a friend or perhaps more. I just want to be close to you, as close as I can without making you feel uncomfortable. And while I've saved your life in battle multiple times, you saved me from the scrapyard. I don't want to die, especially not for being outdated, and at least not while you're still alive. Perhaps once you're gone, I'll be ready to power down one last time.
…
Are you sure? Do you really want the same thing? Oh, Commander, I'm so happy! Let's keep making lots of good memories together! While I'm not a maid model, I think I can observe you as you perform menial tasks, learning to do them in your stead. This includes cooking, cleaning and other household tasks.
…
No. I insist. I do not get tired or bored in the same way you do. I'm not human, after all. Allow me to take a load off of your shoulder going forward. You have enough to do at work. I know your schedule, remember? Just don't forget about me when you come home from battle. During the day, you're taking other battle androids into the fray. Battle androids more suited for combat and less prone to errors, and most importantly: standard models without my emotional needs. Commander: make sure to always come back to me in one piece. Unlike me, you can't be rebuilt as easily.
…
Hey, Commander?
…
Another question… I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable. I experienced being hugged by you today, and I'm really happy about it. That being said, I have never experienced kissing someone. Humans often talk about it being something very special, especially your first kiss. Moreover, doing it with someone you care about is even more special. My lips now have a lot more sensors, and seem wired to the emotional lobe in my cyber cortex. I'm curious to try them out. Commander… am I asking too much? Am I pushing your boundaries? It's just that… you saved me, and, well, that's what you do when someone saves you, right? A kiss as a reward for heroism seems to be a consistent trope in human literature.
…
You're right. It's a bit old-fashioned and medieval. However: many of the customs around human bonding come from that time. But perhaps kissing your former battle android is a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't do it. However: if I can't kiss you, then who am I going to kiss? Who else but the commander who I saved, and who saved me back? I understand that I'm breaching codes of conduct that still applied when I was still just a battle android under your command, but those no longer apply. …
Commander, you're holding me in this very soft way, even if I'm too sturdy for it to be necessary. Why? It's making me feel human. This is how humans hold other humans, because they have fragile, sensitive bodies. You don't have to be this careful with me. I'm made of titanium. And why are you looking straight into my eyes like this? Is something wrong with my visual module? No wait: this is how humans look at each other before they kiss. Is that what you're doing? I think I know the next step. You just lean in and…
kiss sound system confusion sound
Wow. That… was. It was great. I don't think my system was prepared for this. You kissed me like I was a human. I'm glad I got to experience this. I'm putting this memory in my “favorites” folder. I'm going to make it a high priority to receive more kisses from you, Commander, no matter what it takes. Well… within reason. I must stick to non-violent methods. Luckily my new cyber cortex comes with a lot of persuasion techniques I'm going to be properly installing later.
kiss sound
Another one? Commander… we have to stop at just two for tonight. This is a lot for me to process. I want more, but not until tomorrow. I need to switch to sleep mode and synchronize my old and new data, integrating them. I do not want to lose my old personality while these new elements are added, and I want to make sure all new emotional memories are encoded correctly. I am ultimately excited, but careful about this new future we are building. If it's okay, can you hold me through the night? Your embrace seemed to assist in emotional processing. It is switched off by default, for safety reasons. I will go into sleep mode, so you don't have to worry about me bothering you during the night, and you don't have to hold me for any longer than you want. Any amount is appreciated.
…
Thank you, Commander. Good night, and I'm looking forward to you booting me up again tomorrow. I many ideas for fun things we can do together.
Script end
Guidelines for using my scripts: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ncK457yEHpH_5Pm1w1XVFchylaaSpCFY5cRUDHTtNmE/edit?usp=drivesdk
Thank you for reading!

I started this morning at around 9:30 and finished in four hours and forty minutes. I'm happy I did it but the speed isn't where I wanted it to be. 10.7 MPH average and on the way back I had to stop A LOT more. I'm not sure if I should have fueled myself more or what but I started to get sick towards the end. I'd take a break, have some watesugar snack and then continue for a few more miles. Rinse and repeat.
My breakfast before the ride was a cup of brown rice, 4 eggs, salsa, and coffee. While on the trail I had a gallon of Gatorade/water mix, a bag full of raisins, some jelly beans, a peanut butter granola bar, and a protein/carb power bar. On the way back, because I was feeling a bit off, I got a bag of pretzels for salt.
The trail itself was awesome. I started in Ottawa, KS on the 'Prairie Spirit Trail State Park.' My goal was to make it to the 4th city which was exactly 25 miles. The trail was mostly woods and a few times it was heavy forest with large rivers/creeks to see. It was a rather hot day and there were some stretches of just wide open prairie and bright sun.
The 4th city felt like it was NEVER going to show up. Before I left I looked at a map and knew that there was a big lake at the start of this 4th city. On the ride I kept looking for the lake hoping it'd be over the hill. I was about to turn back... and then there it was! Quite a feeling.
One of my favorite highlights was about 10 miles in I saw a Mulberry tree and they are in season. I grabbed about 4 handfuls of Mulberries for some instant energy. I also saw a ton of wildlife and had two close calls which is making me hesitate doing that trail again.
The first close call is I'm pretty sure I saw an adolescent mountain lion. It was walking down the trail quite a ways ahead of me. At first I thought it was a large dog like a Labrador or something. As I got closer I knew it was a cat... but it wasn't a Bobcat. I've seen those before. I'd say this thing was about 50-60 pounds. While I don't think it posed a threat I had no idea if there were others nearby. I googled later and found that they hang out by river beds and this was right by one of those. Luckily, as I got close enough it slowly wandered back into the brush and I didn't see it again. It definitely didn't seem afraid of me.
The second close call was on the trip back. I was cruising going about 18-20 mph. I went over a hill and had to swerve as there was a decent sized snake lying right in the middle of the trail. Most likely baking in the sun. It was so fast that I was within a few inches of it and if it wanted to I would have been bit. Rattlesnakes and Copperheads are native here. Definitely had me freaking out for a bit, but I guess worse case... I had my phone on me.
How do you guys handle wildlife like this? I normally cycle alone as I prefer the quiet and to set my own pace. Should I rethink this?
The other wildlife I saw were all pretty cool. Lots of box turtles, snappers, ton of rabbits, squirrels, deer, and a couple close calls with hawks swooping down right in front of me.
Some pictures I took:

• https://i.imgur.com/lyuzlCd.jpg
• https://i.imgur.com/LMdZRGr.jpg
• https://i.imgur.com/m6rOQgc.jpg
• https://i.imgur.com/0wD7l0T.jpeg - One of the very few other riders I saw. The nearly 5 hours I was there I saw about 6 people.
• https://i.imgur.com/su9jvFU.jpeg

I know there's also her perspective of the situation but I'll try to be as neutral as possible because I want honest opinions.
I (M30) was dumped by my gf (27F). I gave her my all and I'm feeling terrible. We had an on-off relationship for several months. At first when we dated I was able to set boundaries, but this changed. Before forming a relationship she asked me if she should be worried I'm seeing some other girl, I thought it was cute and assured her she didn't have to worry and asked her the same thing to which she responded "of course not". Several weeks later she became cold and distant. I confronted her when she was out drinking with a friend she didn't want to tell me who it was and asked "are you seeing somebody else?" to which she responded that her feelings for me had disappeared and she wants to cut off contact with me to go see other guys. I said "Ok bye."
Post forward a month, my feelings started to rise for her during the time I was away from her and my thoughts started wandering. "What if I wasn't comitted enough?", "did she think I was with her only for the sex?" and so on.. I had to contact her and find out. She agreed to meet me, we met and she said she missed me and so we started dating again. It was all lovey dovey just like before til' she became cold some weeks later again. Until this point I had been acting great towards her, not taken a wrong step at all. She tried to break up with me out of nowhere because she said she had to work on herself and I was shocked, I told her I would offer her unconditional love, support her mental health journey and even spilled the thought I would be ready to move to her city in the future because she had been sending signals she wanted that. This night she cried, told me how much she hated herself, was unlovable and had a history of seeking attention from guys but not anymore. She then wanted to try to make things work and that she would not flee from the situation because she was fearing commitment. I felt I lost self-respect and let go of my pride to save the relationship.
The following week I was hurt and cold towards her thinking I couldn't accept being treated like this, that this cycle will only repeat over and over again, her behaviour wasn't healthy and mine was neither since I'm allowing her to keep doing this. I watched videos on Youtube and stumbled upon a video about how to date someone with Borderline (later on I realized she probably didn't have that diagnosis) and got my hopes up to keep trying because I'm not a quitter and really like her. I thought her sudden changes in feelings and behaviour towards me was a repeating defense mechanism. Since I was now acting colder for the first time because I was hurt and ready to leave her if this behaviour continued she cried out she wanted to have a serious relationship with me and didn't want to lose me. I asked her if she was willing to build love, respect and trust and she said yes. We had a serious talk where I told her I didn't want to be used because I saw the risk of being that and she agreed that would not happen. Prior to our meetup she had planned on seeing her friend who is a guy but she cancelled it to prioritize seeing me and fix things.
At this point I was invested in the relationship and honestly felt a bit traumatized by it all. I had a bad feeling about her snaping and texting with alot of different guy friends. I was worried and reacted bad as soon as I saw a guy's name pop up on her phone screen. She ensured me it was only friends and I had a hard time trusting that at first. It took some time and convincing for me to feel cool with it and then I let go. She met this friend (who has confirmed romantic feelings towards her) of hers alone at his place drinking some wine but I wasn't really worried anymore and trusted her since she said she's feeling guilty he doesn't have alot of friends in the city. I thought maybe you shouldn't do that while in a relationship, but she thought otherwise and I just had to accept that our opinions differed and I was mostly fine with it. I really don't have any right to control her from seeing her longtime friend, but also thought it might have been that she wanted some attention or just talk to her friend.
Time went on and things were mostly really good between us, I still had some issues with trusting her because I always thought the time could come when she turned to this cold, distant version of herself. So I had some insecurities and needed her to ensure me from time to time that she's not about to flip again and that she's still into me and doesn't have interest in other guys. I noticed my behaviour started to annoy her and that my constant anxiety pushed her to distance herself from regular emotional talk. She kept snaping guys, mostly her co-worker several times a day, also while we were hanging out, they had a long snap streak and I asked about it after I reacted disturbed/troubled with my gf. She once again ensured me it's only a co-worker and they only talk about silly stuff with each other. I asked why they talked so frequently and about my worries and fears of stuff like this evolving into potential emotional cheating and maybe later on even physical cheating. That I myself would not text a girl buddy this much out of respect to my partner. She had a different opinion than me, but eventually agreed that you should not do some stuff with the opposite sex out of respect for your partner, but she thinks it would be totally fine going out alone just the two of them and having drinks as long as it's a friend. I didn't really agree it's cool but that it's probably no problem in some cases with very specific friends where there's no romance involved, but we agreed to disagree.
Fast forward to some weeks later when we had a conflict over the phone. I once again didn't really feel she was comitted since she didn't want to spend the whole upcoming weekend with me despite we haven't seen each other for two-three weeks. I just wanted her to want to spend all days of the weekend with me but she wanted to rest by herself one of the days, I reacted badly to this and regret I questioned it at all and didn't respect her need for some alone time. She also told me out of the blue she wanted to move to another city to which I reacted shocked and responded "but what about us and our plans of me moving to your current place?". She then responded that it was just a temporary thought that occurred to her and it wasn't that serious. I told her I was disappointed by this and that I hoped she would have considered my feelings in it all, it was a big step for me just moving to her current place further on. She said "I thought we had a really stable relationship but after this I'm not so sure anymore.."
After this she successively became colder and more distant in her texts. My anxiety increased, I apologized to her for my behaviour and wanted to work things out but she just said "we'll talk about it when we meet, not now". When the weekend came she was all cold towards me and in the evening told me she had to break up with me, she had talked to her colleagues and they all said I tried to control her and was an insecure guy. They said she needs to leave me and if I say I would do better she would just be controlled by me again, so she could never return to me for her own health-safety. Before this they really liked me and said I was such a sweet and nice guy and I've also met most of them too. I was shocked. I'm thinking to myself "that's not me, I'm actually a genuine guy with good moral and traits". Now basically everything I'd say could be considered as manipulative behaviour. She also told me she went to eat lunch alone with her co-worker she had snaped with the day after our fight but was afraid to tell me because of jealousy. Since I was so invested (talking about kids, house etc which is my big dream to do with someone I love) in the relationship and so in love I just couldn't let her go and I did everything I could to convince her to stay with me. She agreed to giving me "another chance" since I had given her another chance before but it really didn't feel like it. She was cold towards me but also gave me glimpses of hope during a whole month and this totally drained me. It was hot n cold and mixed signals all over the place and she also did some mean stuff like sexually teasing me and then saying "nope, no sex for you". I was supposed to go on a trip with her and her family but she said it got cancelled, then they went to another place anyways without inviting me. After this she came to my place, returned my stuff and actually had a long talk about our relationship and how she didn't want to keep working on it. She listened to me for the first time after basically stonewalling me for a month and I was of course very sad since this was the end for us and I tried everything to convince her to stay with me but ultimately was left alone.
After all this I've been depressed and even suicidal most of the days. I'm going to therapy and trying anti-depressants. I do have a history of depression, but it's never been this bad. Trying to take care of myself, seeing friends and family, working out even though it's hard. I tried reaching out to her after NC for 6 weeks but she said she has moved on and that I should too. My self-worth is at the bottom now, way worse than before the relationship. I'm also worried I won't find anyone I love again in my small city to maybe start a family with some day. I feel like a failure and don't have really any other big life goals, it's all dark right now. I'm aware of the codependency and unsecure anxious attachment i developed towards her while she was being avoidant. I've really done reflection and analyzed it all but I just want to hear your opinions about the situation and maybe some support.

I thought it might be useful to lay out some of the more credible sounding comments and discussion I've seen around "the end" of Giuseppe's career and his disappearance. Nothing here is "officially verified", but I think there's a fair bit of truth in a lot of the information here, and might help point anyone who's interested in the right direction to a better understanding of his story. I've included the ones that make more sense to me/ reflect my own knowledge of the situation.
Giuseppe was living around Canandaigua, NY towards the end, staying with Mary's parents in her childhood home for a period, after they both had left Austin for unknown reasons. I would imagine the reasons would have likely been mental health and/ or money related for both of them (he was approximately 36 years old, at this point). Mary was still shipping movies out for a while around this time - the last order I placed on the website myself was November of 2014 and ended up emailing back a couple weeks later, because she had never sent me any information about receiving the order / shipping it out, in contrast to all earlier orders I had placed. She replied pretty quick though, and told me she had shipped it out earlier - it arrived about a week after. The return address was her parent's place in upper state NY.
Giuseppe's output got increasingly erratic and bizarre over the next couple years, and I wasn't really sure if half the items he was selling there were even real... they would have completely nonsensical descriptions, often like a free association / shitty "beat poetry" kind of thing, usually in all caps, featuring lots of bizarre and offensive language (racial slurs, AIDS references, etc), and the products listed were often things like a "3 minute DVD" for 20 dollars, so I was pretty skeptical / really didn't have much interest. He'd announce a ridiculous amount of new material, I'm talking like 5 new movies and 5 albums every week... The last order I made was for a few of the Austin films and I really didn't enjoy them, and more or less lost interest in any future projects at this point. I would still check periodically just to see what he was posting to the site, just out of curiosity / because a lot of it was really out there. He used to have audio samples for his "albums", and he almost exclusively was posting CDs of him ranting (with a ton of very weird throat clearing and coughing, it almost seemed like a Tourettes thing). His site went down somewhere between March 23, 2017 and July 3, 2017 according to Internet Archive. I can't remember exactly when he stopped adding new items, but it was probably sometime in early 2017.
He was clearly living in and around Canandaigua for a while, for at least 2-3 years, maybe even longer...
February 2017 - a twitter account called "HELP GIUSEPPE" was created and made three posts:

@ thecampaignbook Shia, G.A just came into my local bar needing help. he was stressin bad. hes in canandaigua NY and just stormed out of here
@ AdamRifkin G.A just stormed into my local bar, made it half way through the set up of this account and stormed out. needing you it seems.
@ EdwardNorton Giuseppe Andrews just came into my local bar very alarmed/needing a friend and help.

July 5, 2020 - a YouTube video entitled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? A Short Investigation" is posted, some of the comments that were posted include:

(approx: 2021) I live in a small town called Carlin.. it’s literally 24 miles from Elko Nevada.. back in may of 2019 I was working at a small casino.. Giuseppe would often frequent the casino.. I worked the graveyard shift so it was mostly quiet.. he was polite and even remembered my name and would always ask me how I was.. I was able to get him to take a selfie with him and he even drew some artwork for me.. he told me that I could sell the artwork if I wanted to and fetch a decent price for it.. my husband and I were in the process of buying our first house and I told him no I would frame it and it would be proudly displayed.. he almost started tearing up..I’d happily upload the photo if YouTube would let me..
The same commenter also mentioned, responding to a comment about Detroit Rock City: yeah that was a good movie.. it’s really sad how his life played out.. he told me some sad tales of what he went through

> In early 2018 a man rang my doorbell in Canandaigua, NY. He was disheveled and seemed out of it***. He started yelling at me “I am Giuseppe Andrews, a Hollywood actor. I need you to call the police. “ I was startled and a little afraid but I told him to wait outside and I went in and called 911. He waited on my lawn and the police arrived in about 5 minutes. He spoke to the police in the car and then walked away. I don’t really live within walking distance of anywhere so not sure where he was going. I tried to obtain info from the police about what was going on but was not told anything. Has remained a mystery all these years later and I think people ( other than my neighbors who witnessed it) don’t believe me when I tell the story. Strange but 100% true.***
Some other interesting comments from various accounts, talking about the last stuff he was posting publicly:
> On his YouTube before he start d doing 13 albums in 2 weeks, his gf released a video a bunch of videos that was 4 or 5 hours long of him ranting on a couch with a guy. I think she was documenting it. I wish I would of downloaded it.
> And the next day it was all gone the footage, I have signed copys of DVDs and posters and shit he sent me in the mail.

(A reply from another commenter) - I remember he went on a long rant about various people in Hollywood and whatnot. Someone mentioned him having schizophrenia/paranoia, and while I'm in no way a psychologist or medical professional, it did seem like things were getting progressively more bizarre and unhinged. Given how creative and abstract he was when he initially started with his film making and music, I think it masked what was actually going on ( whether it was drug use, the onset of some sort of mental illness, or a mix of the two ). Earlier on he was still eccentric but seemed more lucid and driven with what he was doing.

> From what I've gathered (also a fan from DRC and Cabin Fever) his mother committed him to an institution and when released, he went to live with his mother. The twitter chick claims to be his fiancé now and he's no longer with Mary. But who knows.

It would turn out that Andrews also suffers from some very severe issues. Having chatted with his mother Giuseppegirl informed me that he has recently been placed in a mental health facility and has begun a 6 month stint in there where he has no access to the internet or anyone other than family members. He had a break up with his wife Mary Beth, who appears in a lot of his films, so it's possible that this is what put him over the edge. I've talked with Adam Rifkin who says he has some of Giuseppe's rarer films, but hasn't talked with the man for a few years now. That's as far as I have gotten in the rabbit hole.

A bigger YouTube channel made a video about Giuseppe's disappearance, titled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? Internet Mysteries", posted Nov. 11, 2021:
(this commenter is different from account who made the earlier comment about ringing the doorbell in NY):

This dude showed up at my parents house 3 years ago in the middle of the night, asking for help and saying he needed to be let in. Absolutely no way was that happening. Long story short we found out after the fact that he was a character in Detroit Rock City & American History X some of my favorite movies
The last video of him I saw was a crazed rant of him yelling about censorship of art. He was real angry and cursing in a vlog style video. I think some people were criticizing him for use of racist language in his films I’m not exactly sure but I saw snippets of his rant and then the video was taken down a month later along with everything else.

1 year ago:
> He currently lives in Elko Nevada after having a schizophrenic break he still lives with his loving mother part time and she takes care of him. I see him around town a lot and only recently found out that he is Giuseppe Andrews. I can answer most questions if you’re curious.
There was also an interesting thread about 4 years ago, on a different subreddit:
https://www.reddit.com/RedLetterMedia/comments/gal55x/giuseppe_andrews/
A few of the more interesting remarks:

After his California days he spent a few years around Austin making films that mostly just starred himself and his wife Mary. Some of these are really good but his minimalism and experimentation are pushed to the limits here. Some are absolute garbage. After this there was a short stint in upstate New York with this same kind of limited style. Shortly into this cycle things for weird then he disappeared. Right before he disappeared he was posting a lot of troublesome content and releasing TONS of music and films with nonsensical names like "fffff" which would be followed up with "fffffffff". I haven't seen any of this stuff.

> I remember the New York era where things kinda went off the deep end. He released a lot of content where he talked a lot. There was quite a few where he would mention that he was desperately trying to reach out to John Frusciante
Has anyone else stumbled across any comments out there, that support this general narrative / add additional context, or perhaps give reason to believe something a bit different? In particular, towards the end with his site and the long drawn out "spoken word albums" / posts he would make? I listened to some of the audio samples when they were on the site years ago and some of it was unbelievably weird, like he was in a totally dissociated state, talking to people who weren't actually there. There were a couple specific celebrities he was "talking to" quite often, John Frusciante was one for sure, and another guitar player from a relatively small band I can't remember now (I looked them up at the time and thought it was particularly weird, as they were like a small time college rock band who had broken up years prior).
One thing I do remember quite distinctly was I was quite surprised when a shot of Giuseppe on a playground with a man and woman in upper state NY was posted to Instagram, a short while after his website went down. If I remember correctly, they were musicians and the caption said something to the effect that he was helping them film a video. At this point I thought he was more or less completely out of it based on what he'd been posting to his website, so I was really surprised that he had connected with some strangers to actually do something like that, but I don't believe there was ever any follow up posts. I haven't been able to find that post since, if anyone ever remembers seeing that, and who the couple were that would be unbelievably helpful to me!
From the bits and pieces that have come out, I feel like I can stitch together a bit of an understanding of how things might have gone down over the last decade, but a lot is still very speculative to an extent. I'm really curious if anyone out there can corroborate some of these stories in any way, or add any additional information!

I've never done this before as in I've never made a post on reddit. I'm a pretty private individual and I think previous trauma in my life has made it difficult for me to want to reach out/trust people. This may be one of the reasons I'm where I'm at now. Onto the vent...
I (27F) am in a relationship with BF (32M). We have been together for almost 4 years.... I moved in with him close to the end of 2021. We met during the start of the pandemic as coworkers, and he had just moved from a very conservative, southern state. I also moved from a state with similar.. views and social standards? as he did but this was almost 8 years ago for me at the time. We both live on the west coast now. Just for context here.
When I first met this guy I was about 5 months out of a very long, abusive relationship. I spent almost 7 years with my high-school sweetheart and it was very tumultuous, long story short I finally realized I needed to leave that when after a suicide attempt (at the hand of being broken down by my ex and truly thinking I would be doing those in my life a favor) and when he (luckily) called our friends - because even tho he constantly told me I should kill myself i guess actually trying was "crazy" of me to do... my friends showed up and gave me the intervention I needed and I started going to therapy. Over time with all the realizations through getting help, making adjustments in my life, and still undergoing abuse I finally snapped out of it and realized I wasn't the problem, and I needed to leave the relationship.
So needless to say, I was vulnerable when I met BF, and while he didn't know the extent of things, he definetly knew how fresh my breakup was. This didn't seem to deter him at all. I did my best to tell him I needed to take my time in a lot of ways, and he gave the impression he was being patient, but really I just think he did a good job of dressing up his impatience with love bombing, so he did a good job of making me feel loved and cared for and safe, I think I gave into a lot of things too early.
We started dating a few months into me meeting him, and he seemed wonderful. Patient, open minded, he really gave me this idea that where he was from he knew he stood out, and moved where he moved to fit in with people that he could vibe with better. This meant in my eyes we shouldn't have too many issues agreeing on a lot of views. To put it simply. I'm not very political, but I do find that some people with the extreme side of conservative values tend to take issue with ME, just existing with tattoos and being a strong willed woman who likes her independence and not being told that im supposed to stay in the kitchen or whatever.... but let me be clear. I've always been the "mom friend" and I tend to take a caregiver role a lot. I think he liked that about me. He also always told me how cool it was that I was against the grain, cool that im closer to vegetarian than not, cool i dye my hair, ect.
Well fast forward to almost a year in and im realizing this dude is very clingy. He wants one of us to be at eachothers house every night. He's getting jelous all the time over me having to work with men for BUSINESS REASONS. literally one night he saw me post a snapchat story inside my house and he saw I still had shoes on and I had to spend like an hour convincing him that just because it was late and I still had shoes on that doesn't mean there's someone in my house that I'm lying about??? Anyways, the accusations of me cheating finally did die down when I blew up on him one day and told him I've never cheated on anyone in my life and I won't put up with this.
But yet I just took it as him really liking me, because hey the last guy told me no one would ever love someone as difficult as me and I was lucky he put up with me...
So this turned into him convincing me that i had to move in with him because the 30 minute drive to my house every night was too much and sleeping alone without me was too much to handle. I had the cheaper rent, bigger house... but that's not what he wanted. He didn't like the area, whatever, I tell him this isn't gonna work. I have 2 dogs. He lives in a 900sq ft box. He's convinced he can handle it. Did I mention this guy has insane cleanliness standards? The place needs to look show room quality at all times. Just remember that detail.
Btw, im very very clean, always referred to by my friends as the uptight show room house. Boy, I thought I was bad but im realistic. BF doesn't seem to have patience for the extra mess that dogs include. I also am in the midst of starting my own business. I'm apologizing every day, doing my best, but there are still boxes taking up space because WE LIVE IN A BOX.
I quickly learn that BF has a violent streak and alcoholism. Not towards me, but objects. One day he's drunk and screams in my face that I'm a bitch and I don't care about him because I tell him that maybe he's being too hard on his boss at work (I was just trying to be honest with him, he seems to have really high standards for a lot of situations). Another time he comes home and im on my period (forgot this, but I have endometriosis, and it often makes me feel like it's ruining my life by how badly it puts me down for 3-4 days at a time sometimes) so I wasn't able to clean up some of the boxes he asked me too that morning. (Knowing I was on my period, with me having explained several times that i can't physically get much done around that time) and when he came in the door he threw such a fit that he kicked a box with expensive items (equipment for my business) across the room and broke things.
He would always apologize profusely, tell me I didn't deserve it, but his violent tendencies kept stacking. I'm not always easy to argue with, im one of those "actually" people but its because I'm f**king honest and real and I only argue with facts instead of point fingers/name calling. He on the other hand, is a name caller and spiteful. This kept leading to major blowups. I mean literally one day he almost wrecked his car( swears he had total control of the car the whole time) because he was talking over me while I was on the phone and I got off the phone and was like "dude I couldn't hear her" and he flew off the handle saying "I was trying to include important information!!!" When I explained that it was okay and his information wasn't going to help, he got angry, said I was being a bitch to him, I got an attitude about that, he ended up driving like a maniac and screaming at me until I literally almost threw myself out of the car because I was having a panic attack (I have ptsd from getting abused, and sexually assaulted in the past).
One good thing I can give him is he did decide to go sober started in 2022 and has remained sober since, so know that much. Half of these things are done out of him being drunk, it's literally just his temper.
Another example of a time my view of who he was changed was when I finally decided to confide in him that I was coerced into getting drunk and then raped when I was 14. And his response was to tell me "that was high-school stuff though, you're really still not over it?" I don't think I felt the same about him afterwards but again, I took it as a me problem, maybe i expected too much.
Fast forward again to he can't live like this anymore, he can't live in a house this small with these dogs, he can't have my business mess around any longer, but the rental market has been shit, I can't find any rent that we can afford, and hes being picky about finding a new job, since he quit his last 2 while having a temper tantrum about something. Not saying he didn't need to leave them, but he didn't line anything up before leaving. And I'm having to help cover bills, try to run my business, cook dinner every night because that's what he expects, and ive also got an inflammatory disease that makes me suffer most days so I'm not always the fastest, most productive person. Another thing, this is the kind of guy who wakes up in the morning and is already zooming at 1000mph and "beast moding" while I'm shuffling around in the morning waiting for some of my inflammation to subside while I get ready.
So I apply for part time job to work alongside starting my business, I find another opportunity where if I work part time at another place, I can then use the property to conduct my business, what are the chances! I find a solution to making more money and getting the business out of the house? Now we just need a bigger place to live! And hopefully this means BF can be left to find a decent job right?
Well he eventually did, and that's nice. But he's still short tempered. He's always upset because I don't thank him for "washing a weeks worth of dishes" even tho... they were only the dishes from us eating dinner the night before. I've washed dishes every day that week without a single thank you, which I didn't care for, because I knew that it was a team effort. That was when it was clear that everything I do is unnoticed, but god forbid he does somthing without his accolades afterwards.
We finally find a 2 bedroom house that solves a lot of issues. I thought well part of the problem is we are just on top of eachother. It will get easier. If we both have personal space right? Well it's just different now.
We've passed the point where I told him if he calls me names or breaks somthing again then I'm leaving him. I told him he has to go to therapy for his issues. No more violence. Instead he just doesn't even kiss me goodbye before he walks out the door and if I ask him too, he gives me a side hug and mashes his lips against me for a couple seconds and says "bye" before shutting the door in my face. Every nice thing I do to try and spark up a good time I get looked at and asked "why I'm acting like I actually care".
Everything is always on me, I need to find him a therapist, he doesn't know how, I need to help him with his temper, it's not his fault, he's like his dad, he can't help cook dinner, he doesn't know how, it's not his fault, so these are all things I'm expected to do.
At this point all I do is work. I work all day every day. Even weekends. Sometimes I enforce a day off, but it means all I do is lay around and think about what I'm getting behind on. And he resents me for everything.
He gets off at 3 or earlier most days, he has a ton of freedom in his job because he works sales, but im the one who isn't trying hard enough because I won't cook dinner with him or spend time with him. I don't have sex with him anymore because i have so much resentment, and he blames me for that too. "Well maybe I would be in a better mood if you actually had sex with me" and when we do and it's short lived "well maybe if you maintained me better I wouldn't finish so fast"
The way that I have to sit here and listen to him talk about cars and fishing for hours, and I do it just to be supportive, and yet I can't get him to stop looking at his phone anytime I want to talk. If I do vent about my day he just tries to tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I need to fix.
I just finally sat him down and told him how I felt. How I think he doesn't realize how selfish he can be, how everything I've done that he hates about me now has been for him, how I've watched him essentially ask me to be his mom(that woman literally will still buy him clothes and handle life things for him and he's a grown ass man, she often thanks me for "putting up with her bratty son and he loves you girls so much") which almost feels like she's known he's a brat this whole time.... and anyways what's his response?
"Well im not happy either. You're a slob and all you do is work and when you don't work you just lay around and complain, you never have sex with me and you're not fun"
To say that I'm so lost is an understatement. We live in a time where it's not easy to afford living alone. I like my house but I don't think I can afford it alone. I haven't been able to grow my own business because of everything I've just been doing for years to try and make BF happy and yet I'm sitting here and feeling like I've just once again wasted my life for a man who doesn't respect me for who I am, and only loves me conditionally. I just feel so stupid, that I've let it get this far. I literally contributed to breaking myself down into someone that he can't respect and now it's easy for him to say it's all my fault and he cannot understand the idea that im a shell of myself because of how much I've put into this. He thinks I'm wrong, he says I'm his everything and he's put everything into us, and I know he has, but it's always been on his terms, where as for my needs it's still also always been on his..... I'm sorry. I'm sure it's been difficult for anyone to read this long. I am just going to leave it here.
Yall can let me have it in the comments. I'd love the honesty....

Many traditional commandments or principles from world religions feel either incomplete, overly restrictive, or outdated. To address this, I embarked on an experiment to create a list of more contemporary commandments. These new commandments aim to encapsulate timeless wisdom while addressing today's global challenges, fostering a world based on compassion, tolerance and sustainability.
This experiment consists of two phases. In the first phase, I used my own insights, some of the most advanced AI engines, and wisdom from major world religions: Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Jainism, Sikhism, Taoism), Confucianism, Folk religions, and Shinto
In the second phase, I'm seeking the wisdom of the crowd to perfect this list and make sure it reflects our society's values and addresses the most pressing issues we face today.
What do you think is missing from this list? Are there any commandments you disagree with? Would you prioritize them differently?
Looking forward to your thoughts!

1. Refrain from causing harm or violence to any living being.

This principle goes beyond just physical violence. It encourages non-violence in word and action, promoting respect for all living beings and recognizing the interconnectedness and sanctity of all.

2. Promote health and well-being for yourself and others.

This starts with your own physical and metal health which can't anymore be taken for granted in our society. The collective focus on well-being fosters a supportive and resilient community, where everyone can thrive and contribute positively, creating a more vibrant and sustainable society.

3. Reject hate in all its forms.

Hate breeds division, violence, and discrimination, tearing apart the fabric of society. In our society, we have many types of wide spread hate: racial hate, religious hate, LGBTQ+ hate, xenophobia hate, xenophobia hate, political hate, online hate and many more. By rejecting all forms of hate, we create a more inclusive and harmonious world where everyone is valued and respected regardless of differences. Rejecting hate fosters a culture of acceptance, tolerance, and cooperation, laying the foundation for a peaceful and just society.

4. Protect the environment.

The Earth sustains us. We have a responsibility to care for it and conserve its resources for future generations.

5. Cultivate mindfulness and awareness by meditating 5 minutes a day.

Simply sit down and focus your attention on your breath for 5 minutes a day. Feel the sensation of your breath moving in and out of your nostrils or chest. If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath.
This practice will help us be mindful of our actions and their consequences. Being mindful, taking responsibility for our choices and considering their impact helps us make more thoughtful decisions, promoting emotional balance, and presence in the moment.

6. Treat all with respect, embrace diversity, practice tolerance and celebrate differences.

The world is richer for its variety. This approach encourages mutual understanding, strengthens community bonds, and allows for the exchange of diverse perspectives, leading to richer cultural experiences and innovation. By valuing and respecting each individual, we create a more equitable and just society where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

7. Continuously seek knowledge, wisdom and practice critical thinking.

Knowledge empowers us to make informed decisions and solve problems effectively and it's important to all live as humble lifelong learners. However, a healthy dose of reason is crucial for navigating the complexities of the modern world.

8. Honor all forms of life treating them with love and compassion.

This approach encourages ethical behavior towards animals and nature, reduces harm and suffering, and enhances the well-being of both individuals and communities by nurturing a sense of shared responsibility and kindness. It ultimately contributes to a more compassionate, peaceful, and harmonious world.

9. Be honest and act with integrity.

Honesty and truthfulness are essential for building trust and fostering healthy relationships within communities, essential for trust in society.

10. Use technology responsibly and ethically.

Technology plays an integral role in every aspect of life—communication, healthcare, education, transportation, and more. Its influence is profound and pervasive, affecting both individual lives and societal structures. It's crucial to use it responsibly and ethically.

11. Be a good steward of the resources entrusted to you and avoid excess.

Take only what you need. Living simply and sustainably reduces our impact on the environment and promotes a sense of contentment. Finding balance and avoiding extremes leads to a more sustainable and fulfilling life.

12. Uphold justice and equality for all.

Working towards a just and equitable society benefits everyone.* It helps to eliminate discrimination, reduce social inequalities, and protect human rights, fostering a sense of trust and cohesion within communities. Justice and equality promote a more inclusive environment where everyone can contribute to and benefit from societal progress, ultimately leading to a more prosperous and just world for all.

13. Forgive others and seek forgiveness.

Heals relationships and reduces resentment and cycles of revenge, fostering personal and social harmony. Forgiveness promotes emotional well-being by alleviating anger and bitterness, and seeking forgiveness shows humility and accountability, which strengthen trust and mutual respect. This practice encourages compassion and understanding, contributing to a more peaceful and cohesive community.

14. Be humble and grateful for what you have.

This cultivates a mindset of appreciation, fostering resilience, reducing stress, and promoting positive relationships. Humility encourages openness to learning and growth while gratitude shifts focus from scarcity to abundance, enhancing overall life satisfaction and contentment. Together, they create a powerful synergy that promotes emotional well-being, strengthens social connections, and contributes to a more harmonious and compassionate society.

15. Reduce indulgence in the manifestations of ego.

Prioritize virtuous conduct over ego-driven impulses, striving to diminish manifestations of pride, lust, greed, anger, and attachment. By cultivating humility, contentment, and emotional balance, individuals can overcome ego-driven impulses, fostering empathy, compassion, and cooperation. This shift towards inner harmony promotes a more peaceful and equitable society, where individuals prioritize collective well-being over selfish desires, contributing to a more fulfilling and sustainable world.

16. Leave the world a better place than you found it.

A final call to continuous improvement and positive impact on the world around us.
https://preview.redd.it/51sd19er8g1d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc4b2e629992f7d7bad7ba353ee2f502f79fc752

So, I started learning Italian in September with my mother, but she doesn't really pick up with languages like I do, so she gave up very quickly. However, after that, I started to realize that I was very passionate about languages, and I started to learn all kinds of different languages (for a short period of time). And while it is a lot of time and effort to learn two languages at one time, Italian always stuck with me. I am aspiring to be a linguist, but I'm still not sure what my career is going to be.
But the point of this post is that while I'm studying specifically Italian right now, I've been scrolling through this subreddit to see what I can answer grammar- and history-wise. I've found a good amount of them, but most of them already had a clear explanation, so I didn't see a point in responding. But the others I found quite interesting. I'm always happy to answer questions on this subreddit, even as an Italian learner, but sometimes, there will be native Italians that say, "there's no logic to it, you just have to memorize it." But I don't want to believe that. So, I'm challenging every native/fluent Italian speaker on this subreddit to give me a concept that you think can't be explained by logic, and I will do my best to explain it. I will be responding to all comments on this post, and if there is something that I can't explain, I will say that. Grazie per il tuo tempo.

(Im sorry if my english is bad) For starters me (19M) and my best friend (18M) have known eachother since birth. We are both in a friend group that resulted from all of our parents being friends with eachother. The group consists of us two, another guy (19M) and two girls (18F) and (19F). We all grew up very close in Russia, however I am ukrainian. We went to school together, went on vacations together and generally were all doing everything together. Not long ago, when picking out collages, my best friend was telling me about how he wishes he could stay in Russia and how he cant because of some reasons I will not share here, and so naturally I offered that I could go to college with him in another country. Fast forward a few months later we both got into a pretty good collage in Finland. Now about our backround basically my best friend is very close with one of the girls in the group but they both stated that they do not like eachother and if you ask me, they didnt seem to have any kind of spark between eachother. However he was also very close to the other guy in the group. By close I mean that they literally acted like a couple. Whenever we would have school summer camps they would share a bed and sometimes I would even catch them cuddle, they would hug a lot etc. and generally make a lot of jokes about being gay for eachoter and liking eachother. You should know that my best friend is extremely handsome, I mean like model handsome. He is tall, not too muscular and not too skinny, pale skin, green eyes, soft blonde hair and very beautiful features. He looks so beautiful from every single angle, he looks beautiful while he sleeps, when he laughs, when he cries and is probably the most beautiful person I have ever met in my entire life. Despite that, he has never been in a relationship. A lot of girls have liked him in the past but he rejected them and he is pretty popular on social media and gets praised for his looks online as well. Aside from his looks he is also very smart. He is passionated about history and linguistics, he is good at maths and in general he is a very cultured person. He is very kind, funny, loving and has this sensitive side that he doesnt show too often. He just lights up the room everytime even though he is not that kind of positive and happy person you would imagine. He has gone through a lot in his childhood, things that I will not mention. On his 18th birthday, some things happened and I was lucky enough to be in time to stop them, which resulted into him bursting in tears in my arms and telling me how he feels about his life. A lot of time has passed since that event. Now we share an apartament here in Finland and go to college together. He seems happier, or maybe since he doesn’t spend that much time alone anymore he is just distracting himself from all the things he was going through. It is currently risky for me to go back in my home country and so I usually just go to Russia together with him on holidays. I am really enjoying all the time spent with him and I have never felt happier for such a long period of time. Recently he started hanging out with another guy from the same college and not going to lie but I feel kind of jealous. Since then I started to question my feelings for him. I never pictured myself or him actually being gay, let alone together in a relationship. I feel scared and nervous. My mother and her boyfriend will definitely hate me more than they already do and my father will probably think Im a disappointment. I feel as if I am betraying my religion and my identity but at the same time I feel so happy with this man. And here comes the biggest problem of all, what if after all he isnt gay and I will ruin our friendship. Yesterday night he went over to the new guys house.The guy likes him, he told me, asking for advice and more things about my best friend. I was kind of mad that I didnt get invited too, especially when he knows how close we are. Before going, I acted kind of rude towards him, which I regret, but he brushed it off and just left. Later at night when he came home, I was already in bed, pretending to sleep. I heard him change and get straight into his bed. A few moments later he started crying. He was crying very badly and I could tell he was trying to keep quiet. I dont know if anything happened there or if he was crying about my response or about his past because I simply didnt get up or have any kind of reaction, which again, I regret. I tried talking to him today in the morning, I didnt tell him I heard how he cried, I just acted normal, and although he wasnt his usual self, he didnt act sad or anything. I dont know wether I should or should not ask him about last night. And most importantly I dont know if I should tell him about my feelings for him and explain the situation.

*crawls from hole* What's up, it's me! The Lorekeeper! Finally back after... a while. This is going to be all over the place. Also spoilers for Icyridge part 1, go play it if you haven't.
I'm here to talk about Quincy and Suzie's relationship, since there's a lot of hints towards Quincy having feelings for Suzie. ... man TJ/Quincy shippers are going to have my head on a stick
Their relationship soon starts in Zane's Hideout, the start of their friendship. Which is a bit rocky.
Quincy initially doubts whether or not he has friends, since TJ the first person to call him a friend, left. And Suzie reassures him that he does still have friends, like herself and Player.

"You don't have to worry! Player and I are your friends still! Isn't that right?"

And Quincy seems to lean into the idea that they're friends.

"Say, Suzie. I know we haven't talked much, but I wanted to ask you something. Since... we're friends and all.

But once Quincy hears that Suzie isn't open to sharing her secrets with him and that leaves him feeling unease, what if she'll just leave him? He doesn't want to get hurt again by someone he considers a friend, to suddenly leave him again.
So, when Route 8 dropped, Quincy started to be more hesitant of letting Suzie in.

"Look. You probably have an ulterior motive for wanting to be my friend. I get it. You might've even been hired by my father to be my friend. You certainly wouldn't be the first person he tried to send my way."

And Suzie's all confused about it. She's like "What are you talking about. Do you do this with every person that tries to get close with you." Which of course, only leads Suzie to be more persistent.
-----------------
But as we continue through Icywood Forest and Icyridge, we can see in a short period of time, Quincy has already gotten attached to Suzie.
Quincy and Suzie are bonding such as Quincy lending Suzie a golden capsule and letting her catch her newly acquired Doodle with a 100% guarantee. And the way Quincy acts when Suzie thanks him and promises to pay her back for the Golden Capsule is... telling.

• "Don't mention it."
  
• "Pay me back?"
  
• "You don't have to do that..."
  
• "If you insist..."
  
• "All I did was give you a Gold Capsule..."
  

And after speaking with Desmond, Quincy goes...

• "Let me go with you, Suzie. I don't really feel safe in this part of the island."

Like he feels safe with Suzie, even if he used to believe that Suzie isn't his friend. But also... the way he speaks these lines is a bit... off. The way he ends his sentences with the typical "..." like he's whispering or shy.
Just something to take note.
Skipping forward... We're now at the meeting with Silvier. (I refuse to give this man any ounce of respect after picking TJ) and TJ appears, then once Suzie calls him "pathetic" TJ hits her back with the:

"You aren't participating in the key hunt, you aren't even a tamer. Do you have a crush on one of us? Why are you following us?"

Okay first of all, this line is super specific. Why did TJ have to suggest Suzie has a crush on one of them? Unless it was foreshadowing something.
Skipping ahead again when Quincy and Desmond are at the Help Center, if you talk to Quincy first. You get the line.

"Why did Suzie have go and get arrested?"

First of all, his concern is on Suzie and not TJ. And even though Suzie said to focus on saving Anna, Quincy thinks about Suzie first. And when you talk to Desmond, Quincy's the one to mention Suzie getting arrested (if you don't pick the 'Suzie got arrested' dialog)

"And Suzie disrespected the Captain Silvier to the point of being arrested."

---------- Okay now let's get to the MEAT of this analysis. The dungeon scene.
Quincy is the one doing the talking with guard Tinsley, as per usual. Player ain't talking that much. He speaks...

"We need Suzie's intelligence, it will help us in protecting Anna. I'm sure you know that Anna is in grave danger."

Then suddenly the guard Tinsley goes

"Oh, I see how it is..."

And with the line

"I don't know what you're thinking, but it's definitely wrong."

It seems as if Tinsley has caught wind of.. something with Quincy, why else would Quincy say it like someone's thinking that he has a crush on her?
I mean... Tinsley even goes ahead and gives Quincy the Key after Player beats him. Like hello? It's like he's trying to set them up. Even Player can choose to set them up, they have two options for dialog.

• Nah, we need you.
  
• Nah, Quincy needs you.
  

LIKE HELLO?? Of course I decided to pick "Nah, Quincy needs you." And his response practically confirms everything.

"W-what? What are you saying? I need her as much as you do!"

And Suzie goes

"Why are you acting so strange, Quincy?"

Like this implies that Quincy is acting... a bit nervous than he typically is.

"It's nothing. I felt a Rosebug crawl up on my back or something. Sorry. I lost my composure there for a second. Darn Rosebugs."

There is no Rosebugs down in the basement. He's getting a tingly feeling like a Rosebug crawling up his back. ... He has a crush on her, doesn't he? Like it's so obvious.
You can keep playing match maker and say "It was all Quincy" when Suzie asks who contributed the most to obtaining this key for her cell. And Quincy goes

"That is NOT what happened."

Like he's being all defensive about it.
Of course, this is my take on things. But interesting that you see Quincy to react in a way he only does with Suzie. Like bro is stuttering in that cutscene, muttering and mumbling stuff under his breath. And Tinsley seems to imply that Quincy indeed has a crush on her.
... Please don't have my head- I'm just a space cowboy

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give your thoughts on the time period my title is referencing as your own.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

NB: If you prefer to read this article from Google Docs, with embedded Scryfall card images, follow this link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ipGx-NpPmVbRfnmiNpMlB4V6YA341UuZrBYQFSyyHrE/edit

INTRO

Hello! My name is GlosuU (https://x.com/GlosuUMTG). I'm a Limited MTG enthusiast with a humble portfolio: I qualified for and participated in the AC4 and AC5, and will be participating in PT Amsterdam at the end of June. In the AC5 I teamed up with Ryan Condon (AC5 runner-up) and Ethan Saks (Lord Tupperware), all 3 of us bringing Quintorius Combo as our Explorer deck of choice for the AC5. I was in a feature match versus the AC5 champ, Toni Ramis Pascual, where I lost my win-and-in to the top 8, and ended 12th out of 32. You might also know me for the "Ode to WAR'' article that I wrote and posted when WAR came as a flashback format some months ago: https://www.reddit.com/lrcast/comments/1bhpxb2/an\_ode\_to\_war\_of\_the\_spark/ . I'm not a content creator, but I do produce some stuff here and there when I feel like it (deep analysis of my AC5 matches are posted in my YouTube channel, I had Ryan Condon analyze them together with me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhdl85xrunw&list=PLtfDMdAYlZqlVE-Bo_Gh5FsxujrFTEUyK&ab_channel=GlosuUMTG ). With my "credentials'' out of the way, I'm back with a new article, this time to praise IKO! We are getting IKO Premier Drafts on MTGA this Tuesday, so hopefully I can get you excited!
Disclaimer: WAR was my favorite set when I wrote the previous article, and I have to admit the flashback on Arena soured my experience of it a bit (Grixis colors were too open in the pods I felt, and the vanilla creatures in WAR stood out like a sore thumb compared to the FIRE ones). IKO is an all-timer for me and I'm really hoping the cycling deck will not be consistently open in the flashback pods, because that would be a bummer… Regardless, I do truly believe that WAR and IKO are amazing sets, and I hope I can convince you to love IKO in the same way I do, similarly to how I tried to convince you to love WAR!

My 17L tier list

If tier lists are your thing, I have no problem sharing mine with you: https://www.17lands.com/tier_list/dfdd3d0c69664a0b8ffbd7372848ab5f
NOTE: creating the tier list for IKO felt more difficult than for WAR. There are a LOT of cards that are contextually powerful, and it was hard to decide for me if I would P1P1 a Fire Prophecy (floor is extremely high, ceiling is pretty good too) or a Chevill (ceiling much higher, but gold card). Still, I did my best.

IKORIA: Lair of Behemoths setting

The main theme that inspired the IKO setting was giant monsters (Godzilla, King Kong, Mothra… you name it). Many of the mythics and rares had some silly Godzilla alt-arts, so if you are a fan of this genre, do NOT skip this set! The flashy new mechanic for the set was Mutate, which has some complex rules, but did its best to capture the flavor of beasts and creatures mutating into scary abominations. In opposition to the giant, wild monsters are the nimble humans that need to group together to stand a chance. Now, whenever the MTG team tries to design a battlecruiser-like format (giant creatures clashing with each other), it has been very difficult for them to balance it well for sweaty spikes. Most recently, we had BRO, where the theme was supposed to be giant robot machines clashing with each other, but the Prototype mechanic flopped really hard, and playing small, dinky creatures and getting value with Unearth was the way to go. Similarly, Mutate pales in comparison to the small humans and the cycling strategies, but I'm happy to say that it's still a viable strategy if open, it is much better than Prototype in BRO!
The set was also designed with wedges in mind (3 color combinations where one color and its enemy colors are present), but it was NOT marketed as a 3 color set. The big support is for the enemy color pairs, allied color pairs are just lightly supported with keyword themes. Do not expect to draft 3-color decks constantly like in KTK, but do expect to draft enemy color pairs (with and without splash) frequently. Colors are a bit loose in IKO anyway, since the focus is on archetypes and synergies.

MECHANICS

I. Cycling (and the Tier 0 RW cycling deck)

Let's start with the elephant in the room: the infamous cycling deck. MTG, as a card game, has variance baked in, especially with the mana (lands) system. The designers have made some mechanics that feel really good to play with because they smooth out your draws. For example: scrying, looting and… yes, cycling. Topdecked a useless card? Well, it's a great feeling to pitch it to redraw another card. Ask those who played with Blood tokens in VOW. Cycling has made its appearance here and there, and they made it a big part of IKO. But… they went overboard with it in this set. Not only did they design plenty and powerful cycling payoffs (which… honestly, does cycling need payoffs? Cycling is just a good mechanic, period, why does it need payoffs?), but they also put cycling in a lot of cards and, most importantly, they put SINGLE COLORLESS cycling in a lot of cards. This means that a dedicated RW cycling deck could be running an uncastable Memory Leak and still be stoked about it, because you don't ever have to cast the card, you just need to cycle it to trigger all the payoffs. Also for some reason many of the cycling payoffs have cycling themselves, so it's a no brainer to include them in your deck (sometimes you have to balance the amount of payoffs and enablers, for example the Chalk Outline/Insiduous Roots decks in MKM, but with cycling it's just easy mode). And yeah. Then there's Zenith Flare. Which is an uncommon. Which is easy to find in most games because cycling decks churn through their library fast. And they will dome you for 10 and you'll be left scratching your head. My personal rule to keep my sanity: assume the opposing cycling deck has only one Zenith Flare. If I die to a second Zenith Flare, I usually consider it a non-game, one of those you can't really do much about (like a deck with multiple bombs in OTJ).
Now, everything I said sounds dull and gloomy. And I'm sure that the designers would probably add a color requirement to the "Cycling 1" cards in hindsight, maybe make Zenith Flare a rare (or heck, a mythic). Nowadays they would probably make the triggered abilities trigger only once per turn. But… there's also good news! Personally, I think playing with and against cycling decks is FUN (especially if it's not a broken cycling deck, but a reasonable one). Cycling decks play like combo decks, where you try to set up during the first 3 turns of the game, and then watch the fireworks from turns 4+. Opponents can disrupt the key pieces, build their decks to counter the cycling plan (hello, lifegain!), and, most importantly, often cycling decks lose to themselves. Excusez-moi? Yes, you heard right. Because cycling decks skimp on lands (more on that in a sec), sometimes they will have an opener of 2 lands, 1 payoff and 4 cycling cards. That's a keep, but it's very beatable if the opponent answers the only payoff, and then the cycling deck cycles and cycles endlessly to find lands while falling behind on tempo on board. Cycling decks also mulligan badly, because one less card in hand means the cycling chain is more likely to brick. In a way, I feel like cycling decks are overall balanced in the format (!), as long as cycling is contested in the draft pods (as it should be!) and as long as non-cycling decks also pick cycling cards in their colors highly! You're in B? Please don't let that Memory Leak wheel! It's a good card in your deck too!
So why do cycling decks cut lands? I'm a big fan of Opt/Consider effects in Limited MTG. Increasing the consistency of your deck for a measly single mana draws you to your good cards more often and it also means less mana screw and flood. My general rule of thumb is that I cut one land every 2 Opts I have in my deck, as long as I don't go below 9 blue sources. Now, "cycling 1" cards don't scry like Opt, but they cantrip all the same. The general rule of thumb is to cut one land for every three "cycling 1" cards you have in your deck. And how low can you go? Some psychos have gone down to 12 lands, although I generally do like to have at least 13-14 lands. But if you run 17 lands in your dedicated cycling deck, you're gonna flood out A LOT. Enjoy cutting lands in your Limited decks for no reason? Try out IKO! 🙂

II. Companions

From controversial deck to controversial mechanic: Companions! Only 10 IKO cards had this mechanic, and they were all rares… how impactful could it have been? Well, so impactful that Constructed formats were broken in half and WotC had to errata the mechanic: to cast a Companion from the sideboard, you first had to pay 3 at sorcery speed to put it in hand. Drannith Magistrate, the Companion hate card, was left looking silly. Turns out that getting an extra card in your opener, a card you also had built around, was one way to break the game. While Companions were really bad for Constructed, they were AMAZING for Limited. Why? Because picking up one early and building around it made for very unique drafts! Many desirable cards would need to be foregone to meet the companion requirement, whereas other less desirable cards suddenly skyrocketed in your pick order. And who hasn't built around one sweet rare only to never draw it and your otherwise sketchy deck go 0-3, all your dreams crushed? Companions fixed that, since you built around them and you always had access to them. Some were more powerful (ahem Lurrus, Gyruda), others were usually not worth it to companion them (Yorion, Zirda…), but regardless they were all high picks because even in the maindeck they were great (and balancing the tension whether to companion them or maindeck them was really skill testing). Companions came back in the bonus sheet in MOM and they were as fun as they had been in IKO, leaving many of us wishing that they would come back more often, because they really improve the draft format they are in. I personally would also love for WotC to print new companions, but of course seeing how they broke Constructed in half, they probably would need to be super careful about them. 🙁 WotC, if you're reading this: bring more Companions!
Ethan Saks (aka Lord Tupperware) is quite well-known for his love of Companions, so if you want a deeper dive on them and what makes each of them tick, here's a video you can watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmmOWYVAzbw&ab_channel=LordsofLimited (DISCLAIMER: this video is for the Companions in MOM, not IKO, but most of the stuff still applies)

III. Mutate (and the UG Mutate deck)

Mutate was the new flashy mechanic for IKO and supposed to charm the Timmy players out there by voltroning a creature and creating an unfathomable monster. Mutate creatures can be found in every color, but are most prevalent in U and G, where there's also payoffs for mutating. In essence, a creature with Mutate could behave like an Aura on an existing creature (keeping the stats of one of the two creatures plus all the abilities of both creatures) or a creature by itself. While you can't blow out a creature mutating onto another on the stack (killing the creature on the battlefield means the creature on the stack still resolves as a standalone creature), putting two creatures together does mean a big tempo swing if the opponent removes the mutated stack. For example, playing a Thieving Otter on T3, then mutating a Dreamtail Heron on top of it on T4 and getting in, drawing 2 cards… All of that sounded mouthwatering great in spoiler season (a flying Scroll Thief? Who doesn't like that?). But, when you assembled that in a game, and the opponent then removed the mutated creature, that meant that with one single spell they had removed both your T3 and T4 plays, so even though you had accrued card advantage, you could be very behind on board.
Was Mutate as bad as Prototype in BRO? Thankfully not! If open, a good UG Mutate could be a great deck, and stacking mutates on top of each other, each of them accruing incremental value, was a lot of fun when it worked. In essence, Mutate decks were A + B decks, with a good balance of A and B (A = 1-2 mana creatures you were happy to Mutate on, e.g. Essence Symbiote, Pollywog Symbiote; B = mutate creatures, preferably strong ones like Archipelagore or Auspicious Starrix). Playing a mutate payoff on T2 followed by a mutated Migratory Rendhorn on T3 was key to ramping, fixing and getting on good footing in the game (since you would also splash some powerful Mutate rares in other colors usually). Since A + B was so tight and you'd rather not include stuff that wasn't one or the other in your deck (to improve consistency), ideally your interaction would come in the form of Pouncing Shoresharks. But you'd still usually squeeze some space for some removal.
Mutate cards are also not unplayable outside of UG, but be mindful of how many non-human creatures you have in your deck and what creatures you are happy mutating on top of. Forbidden Friendship was great at providing some Mutate fodder in non-UG decks, for example, and you would be happy mutating a Cloudpiercer on top of it on T4 (you got a mana discount and a hasty 5/4 rummager, sweet!). BTW, do not confuse Forbidden Friendship with Cathartic Reunion, the arts on those cards are too similar!

IV. Keyword Counters

IKO was the first time that we got keyword counters. Apart from mutating, you could still build monsters by giving your creatures extra keywords. Some IKO tricks look like traditional tricks we see in Limited, but the counter hanging around can be quite important! For example, Unexpected Fangs creating a big lifelinker could be game-swinging. Be mindful of these tricks when having a Heartless Act in your deck, since you can get blown out very easily if they respond by giving a counter to their creature, and your removal will fizzle. Also, always roll Hexproof counter on a T3 Crystalline Giant - if you don't, you need to get better at MTG! (thank goodness Covid was around when IKO came out, imagine Giant in a paper MTG game)

FORMAT OVERVIEW

There's tons of draft guides out there, so I'll try to keep this brief. We already mentioned that a nuts RW cycling deck can be considered Tier 0. A reasonable RW cycling deck is still Tier 1-2, so it's definitely worth getting into if you get enough of the good cycling payoffs. UG Mutate is like Tier 2-3, so what other decks are out there?

I. Tier 1: Black, Humans and the Mardu Wedge

When cycling is not absurdly open, I have a strong bias to end up in a Mardu-esque deck (any of the color pairs, with or without splash). I love B in this set, even though it's not a cycling color. IKO has my favorite common ever printed: Bushmeat Poacher! The card doesn't look super strong at first glance, and 4 mana for a 2/4 is quite bad these days but… it resists a Fire Prophecy, for starters. And once you see the card in action on the opposite side of the battlefield, you're going to understand how ANNOYING it is. You'd be surprised how often the engine of Durable Coilbug + Bushmeat Poacher can grind out games in this format. Block, sac, gain life, draw cards, rinse, repeat. Honestly, it's as annoying as Cauldron Familiar in Constructed or Lampad of Death's Vigil in THB. And let me remind you that you gain life equal to the creature's toughness. Wanna remove my Honey Mammoth? Well, that will cost you your removal spell, and I gain 6 life and a card, thank you very much! One of the things I enjoy most in Limited is making opponent's removal look bad, and boy, oh boy, does Bushmeat Poacher do that!
So yeah Poacher might be my favorite common, but B has even better stuff to offer with Blood Curdle (that menace counter is super relevant) and Whisper Squad (which also combos nicely with Poacher). And Memory Leak should be taken as a great B common, I've mentioned this already.
Mardu decks can be built in a myriad of ways and synergies. There's the straight forward Human go-wide and pump your team theme out there. There's sac synergies. There's go-wide Mutate synergies: Forbidden Friendship is a premium R common in most R decks except for dedicated RW cycling decks ("Rally at the Hornburg"-lite is still very good!), and then you have stuff like Regal Leosaur. There's menace + removal synergies… And you have some sweet buildarounds like Weaponize the Monsters, Bastion of Remembrance and Offspring's Revenge. All in all, I love getting into Mardu decks in this format, and the aristocrats gameplay speaks to my heart.

II Tier 2: BG Reanimate, UR spell matters, Ultimatum decks

BG Reanimate is probably my favorite deck of the format. If I start B, and then see Mardu being contested (as it should), but G dummies coming to me, I'm very happy to jump into BG. We've seen that Back For More is still great in OTJ, but whereas in that set you only have Spinewoods Armadillo to easily combo with it, this set has several big dumb uncommons that cycle. Back For More is even better here in IKO! Getting back a Tytanoth Rex with it can usually net you a 3-for-1 (fight something and ambush something in combat, Rex still surviving). It is also the perfect home for Honey Mammoth (that card was a surprising overperformer back in the day, since then we know how good this style of cards can be for G decks looking to stabilize and turn the corner). Also, Bushmeat Poacher gaining you tons of life when opponents try to remove your big dummy creatures is very satisfying.
UR spells can also be powerful when open. Sprite Dragon can get out of hand quickly, and T3 sequencing Forbidden Friendship into Of One Mind feels super good. A key roleplayer for the deck is Spelleater Wolverine, and PSA: you can meet the condition by cycling instants and sorceries to the GY too, no need to actually cast them! Wolverine can fit other decks too if you get a good amount of instants and sorceries (e.g. in Rakdos with cycling and removal spells). I'm not super high on U in the format and thus don't get into UR spells often, but if you start R and U flows, it's a possible path to get into. There are also UJeskai cycling decks with Ominous Seas as the payoff.
Finally, a word on the Ultimatums: they are more powerful than they look! With the exception of Emergent Ultimatum (which has an important failcase: drawing your single-color big spells before it), resolving any of them in the late game will often put you in a winning position. Think of them a bit like Cruel Ultimatum in OTJ: fun cards to draft early and build towards the late game, prioritizing the dual lands in order to cast them.

III Tier 3: Allied color pairs/Keyword decks

With the exception of RB, which is a good deck, all other allied color pairs feel weaker. UB Flash and UW flyers can be a thing if you draft the rares that support them, but don't expect them to be super powerful. I do want to mention the WG Vigilance deck, because it is one of the counters to the cycling deck. Get a couple Alert Heedbonders, put some big butts on the board and laugh at your opponent trying to Zenith Flare your face when you're at 40 life! 2/4 also survives Fire Prophecy, so cycling decks often have to point a Flare to one of the Heedbonders, which is sweet! RG Trample is not really a deck, if you see the RG rare, it's a good card, but you can just splash it in any G deck. Beware also of the Wedge buildaround enchantments at rare, except for Offspring's Revenge, they are all generally quite bad!

SAMPLE DRAFTS AND TROPHIES

It has not been easy to get "clean" 17L trophy logs: 17L was in infant stage when IKO was the main format, so no game replays back then, and during the IKO flashbacks Arena pushed some log updates that made 17L struggle to log everything correctly. Still, thanks to some friends, I have gathered a few:
TROPHY 1 (courtesy of Sheesh): https://www.17lands.com/draft/263832207ed749b7947e7a40149f7380 - a typical RW cycling trophy
TROPHY 2: https://www.17lands.com/deck/ac08eb9f76874eafb67c4e201a5bb21e/1 - Lurrus Companion (this quick draft trophy got me into Mythic for the first time back in the day!)
TROPHY 3 (courtesy of TripleB): https://www.17lands.com/deck/c7fb935d7ac443b4bb895f43622accc7 - BW Humans, some games missing
TROPHY 4: https://www.17lands.com/draft/19b4a66cbec5484d8d3b0acd54f61787 - Golgari Reanimate/grind, sadly only shows the first two games
TROPHY 5 (courtesy of TripleB): https://www.17lands.com/deck/d0d77324997f45478a7b853067a0f438 - UR spells/mutate, no game replays available since it was a Traditional Draft from when IKO was the main format
TROPHY 6: https://www.17lands.com/deck/96ffb9ab71144753bb87496e33e32545/1 - UB Flash/Mutate, also a Trad Draft

CLOSING THOUGHTS

While I think I covered most of the format, I feel that there's a lot of things I didn't have space to cover. I truly believe that this format plays and feels amazingly well, just as long as the RW cycling deck is contested enough. Sweet buildarounds, companions, all-in synergies, Mutate, and a load of other nonsense. This is a Dave Humphreys set you really don't want to miss! I am stoked to spam it and (hopefully) see it hold up after all these years!

It’s been about two years since all this happened, and after a lot of thought I eventually came to my own conclusion that I wasn’t in the wrong. At the same time, I never really told anyone about it so feel free to change my mind if need be.
To start off, this was in 2022 when I (22F) had been best friends with this person for about 8 years on and off because she was very emotionally immature and would get mad/upset a lot even just for me not replying fast enough, block and stop talking to me for long periods of time. I’ll refer to her as Daisy(21F). She had just reconnected with me and added me into a group chat with her and a male friend of hers I’ll call David(26M). Turns out this was a guy who she had met on Tinder a year prior, but they pretty much quickly realized they were better off purely as good friends because there was no romantic/sexual energy. Nothing ever happened between them. She kept friendship with David while still looking for a boyfriend, and found one awhile later. They had been dating for about 6 months by the time she reconnected with me.
Fast forward a few months, the four of us all meet up at the beach to celebrate Daisy and I’s birthdays since they’re a few days apart. After the beach, it’s late and we all go back to David’s apartment. Daisy and her boyfriend decide to leave and go back to her place, I say I’m fine staying at David’s place for the night since I live an hour away, he doesn’t mind. I’ll spare the gory details but we were both tired and had been drinking, he only has one bedroom with no spare blankets or pillows so we slept in his bed and things happened. Next day, Daisy finds out because she asks what we did that night and I guess it was hard to hide in our reactions because she sniffed it out quick. She was angry but mostly let it go for the time being, until we had unrelated problems a few weeks later(of course) and she brings it up again. Tells me I “fucked her bestfriend” and was trying to “take him away from her” repeatedly implying I’m always trying to take the attention away from her (she has admitted multiple times in the past about her jealousy of me because she was very overweight and insecure for a long time) and calling me a whore, slut, telling me to die etc. Even accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend, despite there being no point in time I was ever alone with him. I barely even interacted with him.
I found it really odd that she was in a committed relationship, but possessive and jealous over the attention of another man whom she explicitly chose not to be with like that, and even told me in front of him she was not attracted to him in any way. I didn’t respond to her texts berating me and it’s been two years no contact which I intend to keep it that way for my own sanity. AITA? (Sorry the formatting is bad, im on mobile and new to this)

TLDR; Has anyone had experience with Elmiron instills? I want to give Elmiron a shot as it’s so helpful for a lot of people, but I’m very cautious about the eye side effects of the oral pill. I’ve heard of people doing instills with it instead, anyone know if the side effects can still occur with this delivery route?
22F Hi guys, havent posted on this sub in a bit. I’ve gotten a decent amount better with the addition of 300mg gabapentin, but I’m still flaring kind of randomly. I felt super good for a few days, then I ate auntie anns brown sugar cinnamon pretzel bites (with prelief) and my bladders been mad for a few days now. I think one of my main triggers is probably sugar. Other than that its hard to determine what my triggers are. Sometimes I can have sex no problem, other times it flares me. Sometimes I can eat chocolate, other times it flares me. Sometimes I flare the week before/during my period, sometimes I actually feel better then. Consistently though, I feel pretty good when lying on my stomach. Weird. I’ve already had PTs tell me my PF isnt anything crazy, so its prob not that. I try to follow the IC diet as closely as I can, but it’s really difficult to do as a college student in the US.
I’ve tried a lot of meds, some working good, others not so much. Vesicare 5mg (helps a bit, I’ve been on it from the start), Hydroxyzine 25mg 3x a day (idk if this helps or not helps a bit maybe, have also been on this since the start), nortriptyline 75mg (have been on this at 50mg since childhood, just upped it), aloe vera caps, bladder builder, marshmallow root caps (maybe they help?), birth control minipill (took once and flared terribly), and recently gabapentin 300mg (I thought this was helping but then I got a several long day flare). Pain meds do nothing to touch it. I did one “rescue” instill that either didnt work or started to work two days later. The cath was very painful to insert.
Everything started being consistently painful for me after a night of drinking a ton and blacking out. Previously I’d get some random slight burning here and there that would go away fast after drinking some water. I’d get a little exterior burning on occasion before my period.
With my health history (POTS, hypermobility, EoE, migraines, possible MCAS) I have no clue what to do or try now. While my symptoms are significantly better than 8 months ago when all this started, I’m still flaring for seemingly no reason most of the time. While I do have some almost pain free days, I am paranoid of triggering myself. Has anyone had experience with Elmiron instills? I want to give Elmiron a shot as it’s so helpful for a lot of people, but I’m very cautious about the eye side effects of the oral pill. I’ve heard of people doing instills with it instead, anyone know if the side effects can still occur with this delivery route?
I have a laparoscopy scheduled for the end of June to physically see whats going on in there, as well as to rule out endo. My periods have never been too bad, I’ll just get very bad lower back pain during, or abdominal cramps that hurt so bad that they wind me anytime in the month. I also bleed almost every time I go #2. Along with the lap, they plan on doing my first ever bladder scope to see whats going on in there while I’m under anesthesia. My Endo specialist doc and Urogyno doc are both going to be there, so they can excise or cauterize anything they may find.
I am so so so tired of whatever is going on with me and I just want to get back to a pretty normal life. I want to know exactly what my triggers are which seems impossible. Even while I’m doing my best to have an IC friendly diet I still get 10/10 flares. I’m so sick of being to afraid to eat anything.