my life is falling apart >.<
My life is falling apart. So the other day my mom yelled at me for 2 things: 1. So I'm abt to break up w my boyfriend (she takes my phone at night and reads texts and goes thru apps) and she saw my texts w my boyfriend and she said I was being really rude. And I told her that I won't be nice to him if he won't come forward with how he's feeling. He told his friends he's mad at me and his friends told me. I hate when people won't say things to my face and instead tell other people. And I've discussed that with him before. So yes I mightve been a bit rude but he needs to tell me how he feels instead of talking to other people. 2. She said I'm not allowed to watch, talk about, or have pictures of anime and I'm also not allowed to read or buy manga. She said she'd ground me and take away my phone for a month everytime she found out I was doing any of those things (she's not bluffing either. One time she took away every electronic except the tv away from me for 3 months.) Now anime and manga have been a huge part of my life since I was around 4. If she didn't want me to be so fixated on it she shouldve stopped me sooner. But now I've been depressed because house do I suddenly stop something that's been almost my whole life, and makes me happy so suddenly. And she yelled at me so bad. Some things she said were "why can't you just be a normal kid?" , "you think anyone is going to like you when you watch and read weird shit like this?", "how will you get a husband, let alone a boyfriend watching this crap.", "people are gonna think youre a huge nerd, no one likes nerds". All those things hurt my self-esteem tremendously and I haven't been able to have a moment where I don't feel on the verge of tears. I don't understand why she can't accept me for who I am, or just simply not care or involve herself in what I like. Most of my friend's moms don't care or support them in the things they enjoy.
She's also tried to take away a few other things too. She's tried to stop me from listening to the music I enjoy. I've gotten my music taste from my dad, now let me start with this. She hates anything that reminds her of my dad because they are divorced and still not on good terms after 6 years. So I like the genres rock/emo/metal/pop-punk and she dislikes them. She tried to take away my airpods and music but my dad yelled at her and she quit. (My mom talked to him about the anime thing but I haven't heard anything.)
So my grandpa tried to reach out to me today. Now he's not my blood related grandpa, just for clarification. So 1 year ago he got up and left my grandma, divorcing her. He said goodbye to some people, like my little cousins. But not me, I was his favorite for a while and I really enjoyed him as my grandpa so I was extremely hurt when he left and didn't even drop by for a simple goodbye. Midnight you he still lives in the same town as me. And so today my grandma called saying that my grandpa texted me. So I checked my phone and there was nothing. I checked back with my mom. And she was confused. I was also hurt then too, because we had a lot of past texts. He hasn't texted me since last year and I don't even have him blocked. He didn't say merry Christmas, happy birthday, happy holloween. Nothing.
So back to my boyfriend. I've lost interest. I liked him a lot ever since I first met him. His funny jokes drew me in. But I soon started dating him and found out he wasn't just funny, just plain stupid. And I'm sorry but I can't stand stupid people. Like it's crazy how stupid he is. Lemme give some examples, so he was making lots of spelling mistakes so I said "do you have dyslexia or something?" and he said "what's dyslexia...." and I thought he was joking and I asked "are you serious?" and he said "yeah, what's dyslexia..." ok example 2. So I was showing him some of my manga he could borrow and I said "so I have these but volume 18 hasn't been released yet." and he said "what's a volume?" and I was speechless. How can you absolutely be that dumb? And like even if you didn't know what a volume was, use context clues??? Like we're talking about books, I'm showing you 15,16, and 17 and I don't have 18? SO WHAT IS A VOLUME? It's actually made me so frustrated and I can't stand it. And he also puts no effort whatsoever into the relationship. Anytime he talks to me it's probably the first time he's texted me in a whole week, and I've told him I feel embarrassed to text first because I was raised with the guys text first.
So I have this super horrible teacher. He teaches nothing. He's a coach. He always uses other teachers materials and resources. He also will give us an assignment with no instructions and no resources to fill it out. One time we asked how many questions would be on the test and he said "oh I haven't even looked at the test or questions yet." I've never hated a teacher in my life until him. Ive never hated ANYONE so much in my entire life until him. If there was a purge he'd be the first person I'd going down and k1ll.
Anyways crazy week for me and next week is finals 🫠

Letting go of a car can be a bittersweet experience. Maybe it’s been your trusty companion for years, or perhaps it’s time for an upgrade. Whatever the reason, selling your car can feel overwhelming. But fear not! This comprehensive guide will equip you with the knowledge and confidence to navigate the “sell my car” journey, no matter where you are in the world.

Part 1: Where to Sell My Car? Exploring Your Global Options

The global car market offers a variety of avenues to sell your vehicle. Here’s a breakdown of some popular options:

• Dealerships: The familiar route. Dealerships handle the selling process, but typically offer below market value.
• Online Marketplaces: These platforms provide a wider audience, with global giants like CarMax (https://www.carmax.com/cars) and regional powerhouses like Carsales (https://www.carsales.com.au/) in Australia.
• Car Buying Services: These companies offer a quick and convenient way to sell, often giving a fair market price, though potentially lower than a private sale.
• Private Sale: This method allows you to potentially get the highest price, but requires more effort in marketing and paperwork.

Choosing the Right Option for You:

Consider these factors when deciding where to “sell my car”:

• Time: Dealerships are generally the fastest, while private sales take longer.
• Effort: Dealerships require minimal effort, while private sales require more legwork.
• Price: Private sales offer the highest potential return, while dealerships typically offer the lowest.
• Research: Familiarize yourself with local regulations and legalities of car sales in your region.

Part 2: Prepping for Sale: Enhance Your Car’s Value and Attract Buyers

First impressions matter! Make your car more appealing:

• Give it a TLC Bath: A clean car instantly looks more attractive. Wash, wax, and vacuum both the interior and exterior.
• Address Minor Issues: Fix any small problems like flickering lights or worn-out wiper blades.
• Consider Major Repairs: Evaluate if major repairs might be worthwhile to increase the selling price.
• Service History is Key: Gather all service records to demonstrate your car’s maintenance history.

Part 3: Knowing Your Car’s Worth: Market Research is Your Friend

Before setting a price, research the market value of your car. Here are some helpful tools:

• Online Valuation Tools: Websites like Kelley Blue Book (https://www.kbb.com/) and Edmunds (https://www.edmunds.com/) provide estimates based on your car’s make, model, year, mileage, and condition.
• Local Classifieds: Browse online car classifieds in your region to see similar cars and their asking prices.
• Talk to Dealers: Get quotes from a few dealerships to gauge the trade-in value they might offer.

Part 4: Pricing Your Car: Striking the Right Balance Between Value and Profit

There’s a sweet spot between attracting buyers and maximizing your profit when you “sell my car.” Consider these factors:

• Market Value: Use your research to determine a fair asking price in line with the market.
• Condition: Adjust the price based on your car’s condition. A car in top shape can command a higher price.
• Urgency to Sell: If you need to sell quickly, you might be willing to negotiate or lower your asking price.

Part 5: Crafting a Compelling Ad: Showcase Your Car’s Best Features

Your car’s online ad is its virtual handshake with potential buyers. Here are some tips for writing a compelling ad to sell your car:

• High-Quality Photos: Include clear, well-lit pictures from multiple angles, both inside and out.
• Detailed Description: Highlight your car’s key features, condition, and any recent maintenance performed.
• Honest and Transparent: Be upfront about the car’s condition. Don’t sugarcoat any issues.
• Keywords: Use relevant keywords like “make,” “model,” “year,” and “mileage” to improve search visibility.

Part 6: The Sale is On! Tips for Safe and Smooth Transactions

Once you have a buyer, ensure a secure and smooth transaction when you sell your car:

• Meet in a Public Place: Arrange to meet potential buyers in a well-lit, public location during daylight hours. Consider bringing a friend or family member for added security.
  
• Verification is Important: Verify the buyer’s identification before proceeding. For private sales, avoid accepting personal checks or money orders. Cash or a certified cashier’s check are safer options.
  
• Legal Matters: Depending on your location, there might be paperwork involved in transferring ownership. Research and complete any necessary legal documents, such as consulting your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) or its equivalent.
  
• Test Drive Time: If applicable, allow the buyer to test drive the car with a valid driver’s license and proof of insurance.
  

Conclusion: A Global Farewell with Confidence

Saying goodbye to your car, whether in bustling Tokyo, the sunny streets of Sydney, or anywhere else in the world, can be a smooth and successful process with the right preparation. By exploring your selling options, enhancing your car’s value, understanding market value, crafting a compelling ad, and prioritizing a safe transaction, you can confidently navigate the “sell my car” journey. With this knowledge in hand, you’re well on your way to finding a new home for your car and embarking on your next adventure!
Bonus Tip: For a more global audience, consider including links or mentioning resources specific to different regions in the world. Phrases like “consult your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV)” or its equivalent in different countries can add a touch of international flair to your article. Reading these information, don’t ever ask others, where to sell my car, from next time. Letting go of a car can be a bittersweet experience. Maybe it’s been your trusty companion for years, or perhaps it’s time for an upgrade. Whatever the reason, selling your car can feel overwhelming. But fear not! This comprehensive guide will equip you with the knowledge and confidence to navigate the “sell my car” journey, no matter where you are in the world.

My name is Alyssa, it’s not incredibly rare but it’s not common enough to be on mugs or other novelty things with names.
I was moving schools and my teacher at the time decided to get me a goodbye gift. Because she couldn’t get me anything with my name on it she got me a keychain with the name Alice on it instead of Alyssa.
I still have the Alice keychain somewhere and find it funny that she couldn’t pick something else to give me.

hi guys it’s really late and i still refuse to believe she’s gone i don’t get it why why why she was literally 3 years old she had so much left to give but pancreatitis decided to take her away from us she was the happiest most funny and loving dog you would ever meet i just want 5 more minutes with her ive been at work all week so have hardly spent any time with her i just wish i knew i didn’t get to say goodbye but nore would i have coped i feel like ive been through all 5 stages of grief today and just landed right back at the start im already going through a tough time mentally and im scared about what this might do to me if anyone has any tips or just raw honesty advice it would be greatly appreciated rest in peace my sweet fernie girl i’ll miss you forever 🌿<3

I (18m) was not exactly having a good Sunday. My allergies were acting up and I had a splitting headache. In short, it’s been a long painful day. And the last thing I needed was for my sister (16f) to play a dumb prank on me. While I was in the kitchen, my sister (who was at a friend’s house miles away so I don’t know how she did it) decided it would be funny if she played her Alexia speaker some awful music on full blast! You could literally hear it from anywhere in the house. Annoyed, I unplugged the speaker just after my sister confessed to her stupid prank via text. I texted her that she either she promises to never do that again or she can say goodbye to the speaker. I wasn’t gonna break it, just hide it away in my closet or something as some sort of punishment for her nonsense. She got mad and we had a fight by text and my other sister (16f) told us both off for being childish. I can take a joke and all, but not when I have a really painful migraine and a short fuse, so I’m wondering if I’m taking this too far by keeping her stuff hidden as “punishment”. AITA?
Edit: A lot of you guys said I’m not her parent so I shouldn’t be the one punishing her. You right, I’m not the parent but in all honesty, my mom wouldn’t have done anything and my dad is three states away so he couldn’t do anything without a 3 hour drive.

You ma'am were my everything, from the moment I first saw you walking to my tow truck. I was in aww of you in that moment I was so hooked I can't explain it in any other way. I just needed to get to know the real you. Looking back I wish I could have slowed everything down a lot because we moved so fast. Opened the door for you and got you up into the truck. At first she was impressed I even would do that for her. She said it made her feel special and no one had ever done that for her. As I walked back to my door to get in time for me started to slow as I thought about a million things at once I was so drawn to her wanted everything for her and me to be amazing and guys, it really was great from my seat. She's absolutely gorgeous, sweet yet she's a pretty bad ass chick though. She's into heavy metal and rock over anything. She's my only ginger I've ever dated in my life. She's so beautiful, selfless when she knows u need something she is the first one to get it for you and she's an amazing cook, So incredibly sexy, and no matter what she broken and all was the only woman that I ever bought a real ring for wherever would and that red hair gets me now every time I find one around in my truck or my house. She loves to play with it as her nervous habit I used to say she was marking her territory jokingly but I loved watching her do it I love watching her play with it It was awesome to just be able to look over at her and see her sitting there was the greatest feeling in my life next to having my children and watching them be born. Seeing her smile was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life That's what I lived for I lived for being silly with her and joking around and just having a good fucking time and spending that time with her no matter how much it was. I loved it always. Even when we fought I didn't ever stop loving her I did never stop caring about her obviously I was in it for us. Call me a wuss whatever you want I don't care I honestly have a thing with other people's hair it grosses me out when it is off the body so I'd have these piles of hair is have to immediately get out of the floor of my work truck when id open it for her to get her out of the truck lol it grossed me out but I didn't really care it was more funny that she was nervous cus we were so chill together. I quickly fell for this girl front the start and she was exactly what I said in the title. She's always going to be my blue little sundress passenger seat princess, the only women I've ever actually seen, planned, or dreamed of a future with and I've had longer relationship with kids even. But she has two sweet little girls that are amazing as well and I have become attatched to them as well throughout this 3 years. Especially because when her and I first met and went on our date I knew already that she was a mom of two but I hadn't met either one of them yet. Days after she was still with me and we spent every waking moment together in that truck. And we had a great time It just felt right. After that weekend was over we went to pick up her 3-month-old daughter. We had to go to the next town over and get her from her dad's house. As I got this little girl up into my truck put her car seat in the back of the tow truck I did what any normal person would do when meeting a baby for the first time. Started talking to her just to see her reaction to me. She was so sweet and so damn cute. She smiled so beautifully and was just so amazing it brought back all the memories for me having my kids. And that one really just cemented in the fact that I wanted to do this so much for my girl and I and for these kids cuz they were amazing. I spent my days just working away. Most the time with her by my side. There was times where yes we were not together 100% there's things she had to go do. Which was fine That's what we needed some time apart to miss each other cuz we did spend a lot of time together but honestly As long as we were there in my truck we were amazing together just hanging out while I was working spending time together and she said she loved watching me work. She loved how manly I smelled after and during a days work. Everything was great. So before her and I met I was always working and keeping to myself just trying to focus on myself but I lived in a hotel. So since her and I got hooked up together, we lived in my hotel which was not bad at all it was a fairly big hotel that offered reduced rates for long extended stays and they offered me a corporate discount. So it was fairly inexpensive as far as paying for the place but it was still extremely expensive compared to renting someplace. But it was by my own money because she had no income no job that I paid for everything. Literally everything. So as I worked 7 days a week and worked from time outta bed in the morning until well after midnight. I had no time to find our own place for cheaper living to start new direction for us. So she started searching for our own place to rent. Let's say we got distracted from that because of this damn drama that seemed to always be happening with her life. I'd always listen to what was going on with her and try to help. It's what I do in my everyday life I jump out of a truck when people are at their worst and it makes me feel a sense of joy because I get to get out of the damn truck like Superman get over to them and calm their life down a little bit slow it down for them when they're in their worst moments of the day and just take that weight off their shoulders. I get that fulfillment for my life that joy and it drives me to keep going That's the only reason I push through my days. I lived for it, soon after meeting her she became a big part of that meaning for me so much so I never even realized that it would end up costing me my career because I just couldn't do it anymore getting in that truck And as I open the door I see her there in the passenger seat with a flooded memory that comes rushing in and I get happy really quick like it's all real again and as soon as I sit down take my guys off that seat I look back over when it close the door cuz I'd always smile back at her when I got in the truck and she's not there and it breaks my heart every single time I experienced this so imagine getting in and out of that truck every day all day long and having to do that. I've been such an emotional wreck now that I literally had to go to my boss and quit my job because I couldn't safely do it and this was the job ladies and gentlemen that I prayed for at the end of our relationship I wasn't working hadn't been working for a few months because I just found out that I got cancer in my throat. So I got depressed I didn't know how to tell her my mom anybody being only 37 years old that I'm not going to be here that long Not as long as I thought so it started to destroy me and by this time in our relationship two and a half years in we had had several moves several little breakups but we'd always come back together and we always seemed great afterwards but then it always seemed like something would come up or she would lie or do something that I didn't like or that I wasn't approving of and every time I tried to talk to her about it she would just blow up at me and yeah there was lots of red flags I missed her out of a relationship I wish I could have done so many things different but stress and being what it is and everything you know I let my emotions get the best of me I let my my everything get the best of me every single time because as soon as she starts yelling it makes me louder and I just don't see anybody giving me that kind of a disrespectful stance especially when I'm trying to be calm I'm trying to just talk to them about it and then they blow up and makes me want to blow up right back So yeah my mistake but are honestly feel like it was just to cause me to do that so she could break up or we can break up and she can run away for a couple days and go get what she needed somewhere else and then come right back. That's what I feel like now. Don't know if it was all lie from delusional or what but everything I've read on here it all speaks to me so much that I honestly I really feel like I was lied to the entire time I was made to believe something that was never true This girl told me she loved me like 3 months in and I honestly felt it before that but I really think it was all just a facade now for her We found each other and we were broken pieces everywhere we started putting our lives together picking everything up putting ourselves back together and we felt more complete than anything is the way I saw our lives up until a year and a half into it though it was for me even with the little small breakups and stuff it was amazing It wouldn't trade it for the world soon as I found out I had cancer though guys It broke me I wasn't working I wasn't doing anything for myself and yeah that I regret I regret not just telling her right away because looking back now it may have helped but I doubt she would even cared She probably would have broke up with me then is how I feel now. But I never told her until almost 3 weeks after we broke up. The 17th of this month was my birthday my 38th birthday The day after is her 3-year-olds 3-year birthday. Which I didn't get to go to even though that little girl calls me dada loves me like there's no tomorrow and I love that little girl so so much she was like she was my daughter shortly after I found out I had cancer I was taking care of that little girl not working but taking care of her all day everyday for months in my house with her living here and my girlfriend living here while she worked. Then she's sitting here telling me griping at me that I need to get back working by about she can't be the only one working but then if I did that we wouldn't had a babysitter We would have nowhere for "Our daughter" She always insisted when I would say her daughter because she has a lot of hateful feelings towards her baby daddy. The other thing I forgot to mention is the fact that about 2 years into our relationship she went through a pretty major surgery for herself No one was there for her except for me I sat with her through the whole thing waited for her at the hospital I waited on her hand and foot at my place of living She laid in my bed took care of her gave her everything she needed and would do it again in a heartbeat The point is that I was there stood by her side took care of her in every way I needed to every way I could. In the first part of our relationship all the way through I'd say the first half She was always constantly wondering if I had eaten today or if I needed food or if I wanted her to cook me anything or I mean would she selflessly would do every single time she was happy to do it She loved doing it She loved being at the hotel and me coming home to a cooked meal how she would do it in her bra and underwear because just for shits and giggles you know She was the most sexually appetizing person I've been in with in my entire life number one and from day one of our relationship I never saw any other female on this planet My eyes never strayed not once they only saw her She was my everything. Fellas tell me when you fell in love If you ever felt the same because I know for me there was another woman on this planet that could ever even have compared to my woman she was so sexy so incredibly just mesmerizing for me and having her in my arms I felt complete I felt like a man I felt like I would move to heaven and earth for this woman and I was trying doing everything I could and it always just seemed like our little stupid spats and our bickering was so much more to her than it was to me because she would always end up leaving and going to her sisters. Her sister was and is so incredibly damaging for her mental state that I'm surprised that this woman has not killed herself yet She has no movement in her own life she's a stay-at-home girlfriend for her boyfriend of 16 15 16 years something like that and she is about a cow about 300 lb heifer that has always been jealous of anything the little sister gets that makes her happy that makes her have a better life than what big sister has then big sister has to sit there and destroy little sisters mental state just to bring her back down so she can feel good about her own self So anytime she ever went back there that's exactly what happened Big sister would just tear her down and break her down and it's just sick and that's where I think first mistake for us ever went was allowing her to move in there because as soon as she did seem like everything started going downhill and that's when I started finding things out about how much she was actually lying to me about stupid silly little things because her brother in-law and sister would talk to her about our relationship at night when they're all home together or whenever and they'd be giving her advice when these two are alcoholics they will not ever get married even though they've been together forever but this is just to not lose social security crap it's ridiculous there's a real fear of commitment between the two and a lot of damage between the two and it just fed right into my woman's head and I'm really truly believe it loud it her to be severely poisoned cuz she started turning into a completely different person but yet I still loved her like the day I first met her I still looked at her exactly the same I still do to this day even though she won't have anything to do with me for whatever reason I don't know I never got a reason but after everything we've been through I honestly felt like every time she made me promise never to leave her every time she made me the promise that she would never leave me no matter what blah blah blah I feel like it was all just a game to her now and a game to her family because my woman was the child that was traded off when things got too stressful for Mom she was the kid that was sent to the hospital to you know being the mental ward because it was just too tough for Mom to cope with having two kids and being as destroyed of a person as she is So of course that's led to a lot of emotional damages for my woman and for that entire family It's led to alcoholism and the other side of the family with her sister and her mom being best friends they hang out all day long and it's about the worst family situation you could think of but sadly she will still choose her family over anybody at the end of the day even though they don't choose her like that It breaks my heart to watch honestly the best thing she could do is cut them off from her life but there is a lot of times that she needed them there because she had no other option is what she felt instead of when we fought going there honestly alsoever wanted her to do is just calm down and instead of leaving stay here choose me over that bullshit fight choose me over the fucking nonsense of everything because at the end of the day none of it mattered to me I always forgave her for everything not because I wanted to be the doormat or because I allowed myself to be the doormat but because when I grew up I grew up in a Christian family That's what we do if we fight we work shit through I may not be the best Christian in the world but I know the values that I have in my family were not the same as hers they traded her off when times got tough they never showed her unconditional love so she doesn't even know how to unconditionally love her own children and it's really sad cuz honestly to this day I feel like that little girl would choose me over her own mother and that breaks my heart for her. I realize I've been rambling on for a while now but this one really doesn't sit right with me guys I've never had any issues with any breakup since this one and I know the mental state she was in when she made it and made this choice but the way she did it just recently after having promised her yet again and her promising me that we would never leave each other and to always fight for the relationship. She comes over about a 3 weeks ago we have sex been seen each other in a few days few days prior to that we went and took "our daughter" to her dentist appointment she had to be knocked out at and did great through who'd she want afterwards after she woke up me Not her mom just me to comfort her. So being the dad that I am of course I did that I gave her the comfort she needed we had a great day together but it was short-lived. My girl's been in such a bad spot mentally but she refused to talk to me about it I could never get her to open up and yes I did a lot of things wrong because I was always trying to fix her or trying to help her through it is how I see it She saw it as me trying to fix her and she said I don't need to be fixed. But I know I didn't see it that way and that may have been my mistake because she wasn't looking for advice or whatever on how to try to help her through it but she just wanted somebody to listen to her which I did I can repeat everything she's ever told me about an issue word for word I can almost predict in my head I can sit there and say okay what's she going to say. And then I can literally as she's saying it out loud I can pretty well determine already know what she's going to say while listening though just to make sure I don't miss anything It ends up being the same thing every time and it's always all about her family's issues and things going on between them. It's been this way for the last year and a half probably since she moved in there now just before this breakup she had been for a couple months looking for place for us to go cuz I want out of where I'm at now and she obviously wanted out of there and so she was supposedly looking for it for a place to go That was ours because I got a new job I sat here and prayed for a new job that I had applied for and they just weren't moving fast enough or something I guess because like 4 days before she broke up with me they called and I started working I was so happy I got back in that truck I was doing it for her for us for me for those girls everything was going the way I had invisioned it going. Then like I said two days go by she came over spend some time together We had a little quickie and then we went to her appointment with the psych doctor couple days later she breaks up with me This is how I wake up the next morning after being at work all night long in my tow truck to a text message and I'm blocked on everything every single social media outlet every everything that we had together online I'm just blocked. Knowing the mental state she was in I was like what the hell is going on now I got a short text message that said something like I can't do this anymore This is after going through her girl parts being taken out being with her the entire time waiting on her hand and foot this is after saving her daughter because her drunk ass sister drove home from their mothers house while watching the like 5-month-old baby at the time and ran the car into the fucking house in the middle of the night and we were both working shoot while she was watching her That's why she was watching her So of course I get a phone call she can't leave work and she's freaking out because her daughter was just in the car that just slammed into the house and did thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage So what happens This guy goes and rescues the child and keeps the child with him the entire rest of my work night until mom gets off work there's lots of reasons that this woman has loved me completely and tried so hard and there's lots of reasons why I've loved her as completely as I could and tried so hard and tried getting back on track now I used her in those kids and myself to get me back to a point where I could even start to function again after finding out I had cancer and not knowing how to tell her or anybody and what hurts the most is the fact that she just gave up and just blindsided me with all of this if I feel like and it kills me but this is what I had to do because of her putting all her walls up and just stonewalling me with everything and knowing the fact that even on her Facebook she chose to not put family photos of us for up there but to put every other photo of that entire time together on there even ones that she had taken separately with just her and her girls making it look like nobody else was there the entire time She just failed to include the you know few pictures she took all of us. Which are now deleted off her phone obviously cuz she deleted everything of us together She always does that She always does it just deletes them because she never had any good memories as a child so she has an inability to just keep that stuff because it's painful to her now for some reason even if it was a happy memory She doesn't like those happy memories cuz those are painful that they're not going to happen anymore so she just erases everything and gets rid of it because it's easier for her while I'm not that type of person I'm a sentimental person I keep everything So of course when she goes gets her mind off track whatever I start to be sweet and send her you know our pictures together and things because I know she's already done deleted them which gets her nine times out of 10 and gets her right back to where she needs to be and realizing that I'm there for her that I I want her I choose her and I choose to do this together well not this time She completely stonewalled me wouldn't even respond to me for days and it was literally out of the blue So I'm freaking out because I'm thinking she's going to go hurt herself which she's tried to do a few times and she just reapped on all her medication the last time she tried to hurt herself that's what had happened She took all of her medication and thank God nothing happened but now she had you know six new bottles of pills which would have done it so I was scared for her life honestly. So I was literally just freaking out day after day night after night and all while having to work at night now with this new job in the truck that I was freaking out because I couldn't see her in my passenger seat anymore and then I was seeing her and then I was worrying about her and I was concentrating more on her than I was even able to do my job like I said I had to give it up even though I sat there and prayed for her prayed for myself to pray to get the job and it was literally a blessing because they created the position for me they didn't need to fill a position they created it for me I've been doing this job for well over 10 years of my career and I'm damn good at it Just not right now and so for the last month after everything that I found out everything that it's been said This is what I had to do guys and I I can't regret it I can't feel any type of way about it but I've been pushing and pushing and pushing on purpose because I know she's not coming back no matter what That's the way she feels but once I stop trying to fight for the relationship to fight for her and fight for those kids I know she's going to start to feel the feelings of losing me and it's going to start getting into her head so I knew if I stopped talking to her that's what would happen and she would try to slide right back into my life a month later whenever however it would happen she would come back eventually and I'm not going to be in a new place in my life where I would allow her to do that I can't So what I did was I pushed on purpose not only because she made me promise to do it but because I knew it's what needed to happen because I needed my mental state to be better and it's not right now I'm a wreck right now because of this woman because of losing this woman cuz I honestly felt like she's the one person on this planet that I would never let go. So my life is just turned into a fucking wreck on a wreck on a wreck because of her vindictive nature her mean-spirited bullshit when she gets mad She doesn't not have a filter so she uses her daughter against me how's it feel no that you'll never see "her daughter" ever again trying to dig into my heart and just cause more pain This is the type of stuff she would say to me That would just break me down to nothing. I've literally been in tears since the breakup and before that because I I think I kind of knew it was coming but I was just so depressed that I couldn't do anything I would cry every night even a month before we were broken up I would cry every night just cuz I missed her I missed her being next to me but that was her own fault that was her own doing She lied put words in my roommate's mouth that were never there and she couldn't apologize She could not be an adult and apologize to him and then it would have been fine She would have been a loud back at the house She would been able to come see me but she just is not the adult that I thought she was or that she used to be before when we first got together and and I don't understand what happened I can't see where it all just went so terribly wrong except for her moving in with her family. It has been the greatest experience of my life loving this woman but at the same time in the end it has been so destructive so I had to make sure that she would never come back So for the last month I've been pestering her coming at her yelling at her calling her all these names in the book and just destroying anything she ever had for me because I won't let her back into my life I can't cuz I know if I do it will be the death of me so I'm choosing me over the love of my life. The woman that I have lived for for this past three fucking years of my life given everything to worked my ass off so I could fucking just keep going the next day to provide what I could for us as a family mind you have paid for everything every waking moment for the first year and a half of our lives because she didn't have a job She didn't work so I paid for everything and that's everything we needed for the baby as well. That couldn't get bought with food stamps. Literally drained every bit of funds that I had saved up everything Just took me for a rollercoaster ride through hell but I chose me I choose me now And hopefully the apartment that she was finding for us the one that she supposedly went to Once she supposedly is at now I hope her I wish her all the best but I had to sit here and destroy any chances of ever being with the woman that I still to this day want because I know she comes back crawling back I knew that I would take her back in a heartbeat and I just can't do it so I had to get it done and over with for me for her for everybody because I won't be hurt like that I won't be disrespected like that I won't be turned into a monster because she tears me down with her hateful little remarks and digs into my heart that are totally unnecessary when I'm being everything I can try to be and be sweet for her She literally anytime I would try to be sweet would turn it into something it's not telling me I'm manipulating her telling me I'm doing this I'm doing that well okay so that's what I'll do That's what I thought and that's exactly what I did If I'm the monster let me know cuz I feel like it honestly but I know it's for the best. To my little blue sundress princess, the love of my life I'm Sorry I had to do what I did sweetheart I'll always love you no matter what babe Just can't have you walk back into my life and and destroy everything that I build from here on out because I'll end up killing myself and I don't want that to happen so this is goodbye even though I know you'll never read this. Just know that I see you everywhere in every place I go there's memories that flood back to me everyday that are amazing or that are bad or that are just that their memories they will fade eventually hopefully but for now they are still too real for me to just forget like seems like you want to do by going out there and supposedly live in your best life faking it just to make it for the rest of the world being that strong independent woman with that attitude exactly even though I know you're sad inside I know you just buried those feelings All the love you had for me and you're lying to yourself but that's on you now I tried I really really tried to get you to understand that that's where we were headed was the life we wanted so sorry I asked you to choose me and love me for me instead of love me for what I had or didn't have. I'm sorry I needed to do this or even felt like I needed to do this cuz I will always love you no matter what, But now my life is going to be for me and for me only for its remainder because you gave up the fight and I ended it.

Looking to hire someone to help create a T shirt design that my friends and I will wear on our next trip to Vegas. We have a specific design in mind however between the 4 of us we don’t have an artistic bone on our collective body. :( The front of the shirt will be Michelle Branch (The singer) with the words “Making my way downtown” beneath the picture. (Inside joke that I’m guessing only we will find funny) On the back would be multiple different phrases that we would provide. Looking for someone who can help us get the design to a printer and hope to have it by mid-August at the absolute latest. PM me if interested or if you have any further questions! Thank you!
UPDATE: I’ve Hired someone for the job. I appreciate all the responses! :)

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:
Learn From My Mistakes
Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:
Find the Market
For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:
Small and lightweight
Non-seasonal
Non-fragile / non-electronic
Non-brand dominated
Price between $12 and $55
Already selling well (over 500 units per month)
Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:
Free Method
Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.
Paid Method
Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.
Analyze Market Trends
Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.
Use Product/Keyword Research Tools
Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.
Think Outside the Box
Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.
Network and Connect with Other Sellers
This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.
Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses
Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.
Tools for Amazon Product Research
There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:
Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.
Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:
Learn From My Mistakes
Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:
Find the Market
For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:
Small and lightweight
Non-seasonal
Non-fragile / non-electronic
Non-brand dominated
Price between $12 and $55
Already selling well (over 500 units per month)
Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:
Free Method
Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.
Paid Method
Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.
Analyze Market Trends
Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.
Use Product/Keyword Research Tools
Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.
Think Outside the Box
Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.
Network and Connect with Other Sellers
This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.
Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses
Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.
Tools for Amazon Product Research
There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:
Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.
Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:

Learn From My Mistakes

Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:

Find the Market

For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:

• Small and lightweight
• Non-seasonal
• Non-fragile / non-electronic
• Non-brand dominated
• Price between $12 and $55
• Already selling well (over 500 units per month)

Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:

Free Method

Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.

Paid Method

Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.

Analyze Market Trends

Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.

Use Product/Keyword Research Tools

Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.

Think Outside the Box

Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.

Network and Connect with Other Sellers

This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.

Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses

Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.

Tools for Amazon Product Research

There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:

• Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
• Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
• Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
• AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.

Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

Shoe Story. Glitch? Any other idea?
In 2010, my best friend came home from college for spring break and we decided to go out one night. Our town is tiny and has no nightlife scene so the closest option for anything after dark is an hour away. Her sister happens to live in that same city where we were going. We left my hometown and drove to her sister's place. Got ready at her sister's home, and then I drove my car to the bar. My friend had an eye infection, was taking meds for it, and was wearing her glasses that night. She was also going through what she calls a "weird phase" and did not drink that night. I'm not a heavy drinker and I was driving so I only had a couple of beers the entire time we were out.
So, we stayed at the bar for about 5 hours. The city where we were has a Naval Base and it is not uncommon to meet lots of people who are in the Navy while you're out at this place. So, we talked to a few different pairs of guys throughout the night who were in the Navy. At closing time, we had been talking to one set of guys and they were funny, and entertaining, so, when we left, we decided to ask them if they wanted to get a late night bite to eat at Whataburger, which is around the corner from the bar. After we all ate, they said they needed to get a cab (Uber wasn't a big thing then, so options were limited) to get back to their place. They didn't seem like creepers so I offered to drive them to where they were staying. One sat up front with me, the other sat in the backseat with my friend. I drove them to where they were staying, they got out, and my friend hopped in the front seat.
I drove us to her sister's place, we changed clothes and went to sleep. Never even saw her sister because she was already asleep when we got there earlier that evening since she had to work the next day. The next morning after we woke up we were packing our bags and my friend could only find one of her shoes that she had worn out last night. We looked over the entire apartment and could not find it anywhere. It should be noted that my friend is very minimalistic in her shoe options. She has maybe two pairs of "heels" and a few more flip flop/sneaker options. She had been wearing her one black pair of heels that night and the other pair was 4 hours away in her college town. She was fine leaving with the one shoe because she said they were very inexpensive and she could just buy a new pair to replace the lost one. Because I'm me and can't leave well enough alone, I was very bothered that there was a shoe missing. We went and searched my car, the parking spaces beside my car, everywhere. We went to Whataburger and even went to the place where we dropped off the two random guys and looked in the parking lot. Still no shoe. After not being able to find the shoe, she said it was "ok" and that she would just buy a new pair. I was still very bothered by this, but I just dropped it and we drove the hour back to my home, where we had left her car (locked) in my parents' driveway.
Once we arrived, we were saying goodbye and she grabbed her bag from my car and her car keys from my car, and walked to unlock her car, while still talking to me outside my home. She unlocked the passenger side of her car and immediately began to freak out and asked how I did it. I obviously was clueless and walked over to her car. We stood there looking at the front passenger seat and HER MISSING SHOE WAS THERE.
We have absolutely NO idea how this happened and have thought about this shoe more than I care to admit. It has consumed my brain for FOURTEEN years. We have tried every logical (and illogical) scenario and at one point, she was convinced that I had played this elaborate prank on her, while I thought she had played the prank on me. We have told this story to SO many people and everyone is always baffled.
Glitches in the matrix weren't really as widely known then as they are today and I'm certain that's what happened. Thoughts?

https://youtu.be/rPIEBohSojI?si=4k_85P9EeZRXVjxQ
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/getup.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going back to 1988 with the band’s sixth studio album titled Green. Specifically, we are going to be talking about the second song from the album “Get Up.”
“Get Up” was the album’s fourth and final single and had a music video directed Eric Darnell who would later co produce animated movies like Antz and Madagascar. To me, this song is the perfect combination of the band having fun while displaying thought provoking lyrics and great dynamics.
The song actually begins with the music of the chorus, minus the Michael’s vocals, only including Mike’s faints vocals. The tempo of the songs really cements the idea of getting up with its fast paced drum beat, fast electric chord changes and a killer bass line. You also have some guitar slides from Peter which add to the overall textures of the song.
When we get into the verse, Bill’s drumming is less forward and fits the stop and go rhythm from Peter’s guitar strumming. We also get some hand clap percussion every now and again which adds to the bubblegum pop soundscape of the song. At the end of each line that Michael sings, we get an additional vocal from Michael singing “get up, get up!” Now you may be wondering, why isn’t it Mike singing this part? While I’m sure it was deliberate, it fits the backstory to this song. Michael wrote this song about Mike, who at the time of this album’s record session, was sleeping in late every day. So this song was basically a call for Mike to get up and work on recording the album. Funny thing is that Mike didn’t find this out until the late 1990’s when Michael told the story before playing the song during a show.
Although I think there’s more to be said about this lyrics. Sure, in the verse they are pretty simple “sleep delays my life, where does the time go? I don’t know.” Someone is sleeping away their days. And after Michael sings “you’ve got all your life” you get Mike singing “way up ahead” which ends with him singing in a falsetto for the word “ahead.”
But when the band goes back into the chorus, I feel like Michael’s lyric could take on different meanings. When he sings “dreams they complicate my life” he could be singing about actual dreams you have when you are sleeping, or maybe even nightmares. But he could also mean dreams where you aspire to do or be something. And in that sense he might be saying that his dreaming is getting in his way. I just love how the different vocals over layered on top of each other in an almost dream state way. And I like how the band opened the song with the chorus because the chorus seems to be the person dreaming and the verses are someone telling this person to wake up. Plus the chorus ends with Peter’s slide guitar and the chorus progression seeming to climb higher and higher with Mike’s vocals as if someone is waking up from a deep sleep.
In the second verse we have Michael empathizing with this person by telling them that life is hard and how they see them laying down which is similar to what he sings in the chorus. He’s sings about not knowing where to turn to in life when you face challenges and I like this lyric because it’s extremely relatable to me.
After the second verse we get another chorus. And something else I wanted to point out is that after Michael sings “dreams they complicate my life” you have another vocal singing “dreams that complement my life.” I feel like this goes back to the theory of this song being about two different meaning of the word “dream.” People dream because it complements a life style they want to create for themselves. But if you can’t make your dreams come true then they can possibly ruin your life. I also feel like some of Michael’s vocal phrasing, especially in the verse, remind me of how he sings “Hairshirt” but with a lot more energy and faster overall. Both songs even usual a similar lyric with “my life.”
Now is the time we get to the bridge and it may be the weirdest bridge that the band had created up to this point in their career. The bridge is just a bunch of toy music boxes being played at the same time, backed by a kick drum that reminds me of a heart beat. The idea is this bridge actually comes from Bill who actually came up with the idea from a dream he had. I know this sounds too good to be true but it’s real! And as weird as it is, it works perfect for this song. The dissonance of the music boxes is kinda creepy sounding at first, but it definitely fits the theme of dreaming and sleeping.
Bill leads the band back into one last chorus with a decent drum fill. And this time around Michael sings “this time, no escape, I wake up” as is the person in this song realizes that they are sleeping their life away and now they are going to wake up and do something about it. That post chorus seems to last a little longer as the band builds and ascends as Michael sings another round of “get up, get up!”
And just like that, the song is done. In less than three minutes even! Although this song was one of the weaker singles commercially for the band up to this point, I think this is one of their best songs, especially on Green. It’s a song that’s short and to the point, but it has a lot of different ideas between the lyrics’ double meanings and interesting production choices. Michael’s energetic singing is top notch and it has everything I love in a R.E.M. song. If I had a chance to see the band live, I would have loved to have heard this one.
But what do you think about this song? Is it a stronger song from Green? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

Hi friends! I've made the slightly unhinged decision of sharing my ranking of all (well, close to all) the songs that were featured on Glee. This is part 8 out of... probably like, 50. Because Glee has a lot of songs. A LOT.
4 years ago, I also hosted a very extensive ranking where the sub got to participate in ranking the entire Glee soundtrack, and you can see the results here! Let me know if you guys want a redo of this, and I'll find a less consuming way to make this happen, because that ish was HARD.
If you coincidentally also have ranked all of the Glee songs, you are more than welcome to join and reveal your rankings as well!! Or share your opinions, everything is welcome :)
Just a quick reminder of what I've had in mind while ranking these so you guys understand more: I scored them based on vocal performance, context of the show, how it compared to the original song and how much I liked the actual production/arrangement of the Glee version. So a song could be really good, but if it was used in a bad or cringy scene, it'll affect the score negatively or the other way around!
We are still in the good tier, which are songs that I think are good, but not great. They've made it just within my range of songs that I'm okay with.

GOOD TIER

564. Away In A Manger

Performed by Kitty Wilde, Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry and Santana Lopez with New Directions.
Probably one of the less exciting Christmas songs that has been on the show, but they all sound great in it.
Score: 61/100

563. The Fox

Performed by New Directions and Pamela Lansbury.
Maybe someone here was wondering why they hadn't seen The Fox yet? Maybe it's controversial for me to put it in the 'good' tier and give it an above average score, but hear me out. First of all, I LOVE the original. It's so funny yet it's such a well-crafted EDM-pop song. Second of all, everyone in the Glee version sounds really good, and the song suits them all well. The only downfall that this version has is that they take this song a bit too seriously, which gives it the cringe factor. They treat it like it's a normal song, but it's not. It's a parody song created for a comedy show/a skit show. So them trying to pull it off as a serious song is kind of weird.
Score: 61,1/100

562. You Can't Stop The Beat

Performed by New Directions, with Artie Abrams, Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones and Rachel Berry as leads.
This had a lot of potential as it's one of my favorite songs from my favorite musical, and while they do a great job, it doesn't quite hit like the Hairspray movie version, which is my personal favorite.
Score: 61,25/100

561. I'll Remember

Performed by Kurt Hummel.
I feel similar to this like I feel about As If We Never Said Goodbye that I wrote about in the previous part, but I like this slightly better because I like the range he stays in here vocally.
Score: 61,33/100

560. Candyman

Performed by the Troubletones.
Sorry, I know it's absolutely criminal to put a TT song here, but this song doesn't do a lot for me. The vocal performance and TT in general are the main reasons this song is good enough.
Score: 61,4/100

559. I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Performed by Brittany Pierce and Santana Lopez.
This song is really cute, the performance/scene for this is so great and Brittany and Santana are adorable here with their matching outfits and hair bows. If they absolutely had to give Brittany a Whitney song, this was the perfect choice.
Score: 61,45/100

558. Lucky Star

Performed by Kurt Hummel and Maggie.
I wasn't very fond of this storyline, but I thought this particular scene was really cute. It's also pretty funny that they added a Madonna song to the Peter Pan play, and Maggie is really cute in this.
Score: 61,5/100

557. Nice To Meet You, Have I Slept With You?

Performed by April Rhodes and Will Schuester.
This is from a deleted scene from season 2, episode Rumours. I get why they cut this song, I don't think I'd prefer to keep it over any other scene in Rumours, but I think this song is really funny and so April-core.
Score: 61,67/100

556. Big Girls Don't Cry

Performed by Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel and Rachel Berry.
One of the more forgettable performances of season 3, but they sound wonderful together. Also, we rarely got to see these three sing together (just them), so.
Score: 61,7/100

555. Without You

Performed by Rachel Berry.
My favorite parts of this song are when she sings in the lower range. I used to love this song a lot more back when I was a bit more passionate about Finchel, now I find it alright.
Score: 61,75/100

554. Here's To Us

Performed by New Directions, with Rachel Berry as lead.
I think this song is great, I just think it was a strange choice for a show choir competition setlist. At least she pulls this song off very well.
Score: 61,8/100

553. I Love LA

Performed by New Directions with Artie Abrams, Blaine Anderson, Jake Puckerman, Sam Evans and Will Schuester as leads.
I just realized that there are a lot of ND group numbers in season 5 where Schue has solos. Matt must've negotiated more songs in his contract or something. Anyway, very fun song, maybe a little too "adult contemporary" for a group of high school kids, but still good. I love group numbers where you get to see small interactions between the ND members and they're just all in a good mood and being friendly with each other. It's cute!
Score: 62/100

552. Broadway Baby

Performed by Blaine Anderson and Rachel Berry.
I didn't care for this song at all when season 5 aired, and also I was kind of tired of Rachel always pushing NYADA's and Carmen Tibideuax' limits, lmao. But context aside, this song is objectively great and Blainchel are definitely duet twin souls. Context of this scene is pulling the score down though because god how annoying are they?
Score: 62,1/100

551. I Am Changing

Performed by Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones.
Ever since Amber said that this song was the hardest song to do in Dreamgirls, I haven't stopped thinking about how she felt/reacted when she saw she was doing this with Chris. Like, I know they're best friends and all, but if MISS AMBER RILEY thinks this song is hard, how is Chris supposed to do it justice? Anyway, I can definitely tell that this song isn't quite made for Kurt, so because of that it kind of falls short. I do, however, love that Kurtcedes got a duet in season 5 - their friendship seemed so distant at the time, so it was so nice to see them together again.
Score: 62,15/100

550. Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

Performed by Marley Rose and Unique Adams.
This is such a weird choice for a Sandy audition, but a good choice for a Rizzo audition, so Unique definitely had an advantage here. Although, I think Finn and Artie had already made up their mind about Marley being Sandy by just looking at her, so.
Score: 62,2/100

549. Need You Now

Performed by Noah Puckerman and Rachel Berry.
I love that Rachel was like, "you know what would make the football team that Glee club is cool? A country duet". If I could, I would probably switch this with Just Give Me A Reason, and have Quick sing Need You Now in season 5, and have Puckleberry sing the other.
Score: 62,25/100

548. Friday

Performed by Artie Abrams, Noah Puckerman and Sam Evans.
This is the first song in this ranking so far where the Glee version is actually better than the original. I know my girl Rebecca Black is talented af now, but back then... Anyway, very fun performance and I love this trio together.
Score: 62,3/100

547. Jump

Performed by New Directions, with Artie Abrams, Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones and Rachel Berry as leads.
Idk if I can qualify Mercedes as a lead here when all she does is yell at the end, but it's not my fault that's all they decided to use Mercedes for in season 1. Anyway, I used to love this song, but I also found myself skipping this song every time it came up on my iPod. And I haven't really listened to it in full since.
Score: 62,4/100

546. Yeah!

Performed by Singaz Wit Attitude.
I need to know who these singers are because they are really good. They'd be higher if they actually were actual characters who it was possible to be emotionally invested in.
Score: 62,5/100

545. Here Comes Santa Claus (Down Santa Claus Lane)

Performed by Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry & Santana Lopez.
I don't have much to say about this besides that it's a fun Christmas song. And Kurt sitting by the tiny piano with the doll-like forced smile is always funny to watch.
Score: 62,75/100

544. Animal

Performed by the Warblers, with Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel as leads.
I like this song a lot, the only thing that irks me about this one is the "na na na na na na na na" part that the Warblers do.
Score: 62,8/100

543. Shakin' My Head

Performed by Mercedes Jones.
You can't convince me that Mercedes wrote this song, let alone decided to release it and perform it in public after writing and recording Colorblind??? Like it's a whole bop, but why would she willingly sing all of that 😭
Score: 63/100

542. We Found Love

Performed by New Directions, with Rachel Berry and Santana Lopez as leads.
This song would be much higher if it was more of a group number with more leads or if Rachel wasn't on it. I kind of think she's pulling it down a little bit. Other than that, I love the scene, the syncronized swimming choreo is really cute and I love the proposal as well.
Score: 63,1/100

541. Funny Girl

Performed by Shelby Corcoran.
I always thought this song was pretty boring, but I've realized gradually how great Shelby sounds here.
Score: 63,2/100

540. Empire State of Mind

Performed by New Directions, with Artie Abrams, Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones, Noah Puckerman and Rachel Berry.
Sunshine being the only one who paid attention is lowkey unrealistic, because this was a pretty good performance. It can only be explained by that they weren't using mics and were coming from all kinds of directions, so no one really heard them sing.
Score: 63,25/100
That's all for now! Do you like any of these songs?

If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
This is a Part 2 to my Mega big Yakuza 5 review. In the first part I covered the plot and it was absurdly long because I am psychotic. If you want to read that you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvry2x/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
Combat and Gameplay: I generally felt Y5 was a bit of a step down in gameplay compared to Y4 sometimes. I think Saejima was way more bearable to use in Y5 but I generally found the combat to just be less? fun? it felt a little bland. Kiryu felt much slower for some reason. Akiyama still felt great to use and at times a little better. Shinada's combat style was not my cup of tea. I can respect a characters combat relying on weapons but his felt repetitve and honestly the weapon to bare handed combat for him didn't feel good either way. Haruka's was great though obviously. I never felt such joy or excitement then when I first started the dancing gameplay in Y5.
The upgrade system was lame I did not enjoy it, I ended up just keeping on auto upgrade so I didnt have to bother. It felt like a downgrade back to Y3.
This game was mostly really easy, granted I do play on easy because I happen to be a shame to the video game community, but I very nearly turned it to normal many times. Haruka's dance stuff was so fun I actually did try it on every difficulty mode, hard mode was so fun!
As sure as random combat encounters are in the streets of Yakuza, my complaining about these encounters after every review is just as, if not more expected. Yeah obviously the mugging in this game was excessive for me. I went everywhere by taxi just to avoid getting attacked a billion times on one street. And it is kind of at it's worst in this game not just because of how often you're getting attacked but also because of the battle fields. At first I was pretty excited because the space you can fight was so large I incorrectly assumed you could just leave the fight, wrong. While a bigger battle space sounds better on paper, it's actually a horrible idea. I cant tell you how many times I would have finished fighting three of the goons but the fight wouldnt finish because there was two more hiding AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK. It was so irritating. They did take a step in the right direction by letting Kiryu have a ward off bracelet that kept the attacks mostly at bay, it was so nice I wish other games did that in case you want to just walk around for a change or better yet the rest of this one! Because as far as I could tell none of the others had similar items, and the mugging was at it's worse with Saejima in his city enviroment. It HAD to be bugged with the amount of times i'd get attacked in that area, I probably fought more people there in the brief stint I was there compared to all of Shinada's area. So basically yeah I hate the random fight encounters and it is always one of my main complaints with these games.
I liked the tower sweeps in this game, but the one you do as Kiryu near the end of his section had a horrible situation that I have to complain about, mostly because i'm an idiot. There's an area midway through the sweep where the doorway is lit on fire. Me being the genius I am, I grab the fire extinguisher, point it at the fire, and simply throw the whole thing into the flames. Cue the next 20 mintues being me panic running and collapsing into the fire trying to get the extinguisher :(.
Side Stories
Yeah so this game on top of its massive plot and its many new areas, also added on entire side stories for each character! I'll go through and talk about my experience with each one.
Kiryu: The Taxi Driver
Oh My God. This did NOT have to be as fun as it was. I was amazed that Kiryu even knew how to drive let alone was this good of a driver. So there are three types of missions you can get with this, Racing, Taxi driving where you drive, and taxi driving where you talk. I did literally every possible thing you could in this side story. The racing is a ton of fun, there is a bit of a plot to it that basically consists of batting a rival gang of street racers and leads into your taxi boss's trauma and whatever, I didn't really care for the plot but all the gameplay was stellar. I found the missions with just the conversations to be a bit boring, but my favorite was actually doing my job and driving people to their destinations. What a blast.
Saejima: The Hunter
Okay now I can talk about the bear plot. Saejima's side story is massive and I did love it. I wont go through and summarize the whole thing but Saejima basically stays in the village with the old man who saved him from that big bear he beat up and dedicates himself to finding the bear and hunting it to help the old man and the village. There's lots of ups and downs and twists and turns and I really enjoyed it! I liked the twist that the old man was an escaped convict/former hitman as well.
As for how the gameplay of this sidestory works, basically you go to the mountain and do hunting. You lay traps, shoot animals, etc. As you work through the plot you have more acess to higher parts of the mountain. I can definitely see this gameplay not being it for some people, but I actually really enjoyed it! I do have some complaints tho, I really wish you didn't have to start all the way at the bottom of the mountain everytime, or ESPECIALLY have to walk all the way back down when you're ready to leave. I had hoped those shacks you built would serve as fast travel spots but nope. Also the gameplay is a bit clunky here, I love clunkiness so it isn't a big deal but the male deer charging at me no matter what everytime got hella irritating. Also I was stupid during one of the evil bear encounters and when I was supposed to run I stayed and thought I was supposed to fight him and I sat there fighting for my life for literally thirty minutes before I was like "hmmm whats taking so long?" Anyways I did like it and did literally every mission I could except one lousy mushroom quest because I rage quit it.
Haruka: She's an idol or whatever
Yeah this is the best one. There's not much of a seperate plot here as it basically directly ties into her main plot but it mostly consists of her doing idol activities in preperation for each level of the Princess League competition and eventually her debut.
There are lots of different types of games here. There are actual performances which duh they're amazing. There's dance battles or solo battles where you basically do a dance battle...alone? those are also always fun. There are handshake events which took awhile for me to get the hang of, I think they needed way better directions to be honest but once I figured it out it was alot of fun. There are interviews, these are fine except I hate that they make me answer under a time limit STRESS. There's TV appearances, these range from going on a comedian interview show where you have to answer questions then do quick time events, to running ?, to doing various yakuza mini games like pool or air hockey and more. The running show was so weird, the producer was always like creepy as hell and I really dont get what the point of that show was. The minigame shows varied on fun depending on if I liked the minigame.
Now dear reader, I know what you've been wondering this whole time, youve been BEGGING to hear. What is Alex's Haruka song ranking? Im so glad you asked.
So not including the dance battle songs cuz duh she doenst even sing them but I do like "Like a Arabesque" the most out of those.

1. So Much More: Like obviously right? This is the greatest song of all time! I should be studied next to Bohemian Rhapsody, Nessun Dorma, and Moonlight Sonata.
2. Dream: Technically a dreamline song but who cares. This shit made me CRY. The lyrics are ssoooooooooooo goddamn.
3. Because I Have You: This might be a hot take because I do think's it's less well made then Lonliness Loop, but I still would just rather listen to this. It's a jam, SUE ME.
4. Lonliness Loop: Honestly not a bad song either, I just find it to be thematically the weakest as well as feeling a little awkward execution wise. Still a jam tho!

What are YOUR song rankings?
I also like that the songs some what reflect Haruka's state of mind at the time of her performing them. At the time of So Much More she is just really excited for her career and incredibly optimistic. Then during Lonliness Loop she's generally dealing with the heaviness of her career and isolation of it and if I remember correctly, Park had just died when she went on to perform it. Then Because I Have You is building up to the eventual decision Haruka will end up making at the end, she's realizing how much she misses her family but her dream is still ahead of her, just super duper close. Lastly Dream, the tear jerker, and tragically not on the OST, is about Haruka's dream finally cultivating. She is in this moment achieving her dream, but she's thinking of her family and is grateful to them for supporting her this way. THIS SONG IS FOR KIRYU. Like bro, amazing.
Shinada: Baseball
Anyways lets talk about baseball. I didn't love it. At first I kind of did because I was like omg thank god baseball is way easier in this game if I'm going to be expected to do it way more often. But omg bro its TOO easy. It's just boring man. There's no room for anything interesting or diverging about it. Kiryu's could be pretty repetitive as it's just driving but they offer three different types of driving games within it, Shinada's is just a bunch of the same hitting the baseball game. Granted I liked the little story with him helping the little boy be a good pitcher. I found the main story within it really boring? I struggled to pay attention but the ending to it was cute. Yeah I guess I just dont have as much to say with this side story. I did most of it too, I think I missed one baseball mission? I did enjoy the coach missions that he sends you on for training. Well most of them...THAT UFO ONE WAS EVIL. I've never seen a machine make you get a stick in a tiny hole (thats what she sai-) before as the goal to get your prize like WHAT?
Side stories final thoughts: And thats the side stories! They were alot of fun (mostly) I wish Akiyama got a side story :(. I can't think of what they'd give him to do but I would take literally anything. Any potential side story ideas for him?
Substories
My god I did like 95% of the substories. I did SO many.
Kiryu had a really good lineup of substories. My favorite was EASILY "From a far-off land" I cried so hard doing it bro. Basically Kiryu thinks of his kids during Christmas time and he sends money to each of them so they can get what they want for Christmas. Thing is he thought alot about each of them, it wasnt him just throwing twenty bucks per kid at them through the ATM, no, he sat there and was like "Well Shiro would really like this book, I think it costs about this much so I'll send around this much to cover it" But he does it with ALL OF THEM and its so stinkin cute I disintigrated. My second favorite goes to "The other Haruka" as you can imagine anything reminding me of the kids will be my favorite. This one is good for obvious reasons. As for a weaker substory, I really didnt care for "A knock on the door" Honorable mention to the series of substories with Yuya in them! This game was tragically the only one that didn't have Kazuki in it at all.
Saejima's were the weakest and here's why. Because you only get one chapter in his city area, all of them are incredibly fast. One of them is literally just briefly talking to a guy like ???. He does also have several substories on the mountain but they're more related to his side story so I dont really count them. Anyways, my favorite of his was easily "The Little Match Girl" I CRIED, listen im a sucker for the little match girl story and this was just really adorable. I also loved the substory where he dressed as Santa and had to escape a bunch of kids. His worst is probably that one where he just talks to that guy called "Snow Festival Performer". Mostly to set up the revelation.
Haruka wise, I liked any of her substories where she hung out with Akari, but my favorite overall was probably the one where she does the Okinawa magazine interview it was so cute and it made me wanna cri. Least favorite wise, I hated "starbound" it just felt meanspirited. Haha she's fat, grow up.
Akiyama had alot of fun ones. The best probably being either of the two where he DOES A DANCE BATTLE. It was fucking amazing. I also really enjoyed the "Quirky Idol" substory. I did not like "giving up on a dream" Akiyama was once again being mega weird and creepy, I hated that.
Shinada is much better in his substories then he is normally. My favorite's were "Daddy Papa" and "The Scoop Photo", that guy had crazy hair. I did not like the store clerk one because I am incapable of math.
And thats the substories! There's also the Tatsuya quests. Although I like Tatsuya and I made sure to do all of them, I don't think this was well executed. They dont feel very rewarding and taking Tatsuya to the resturaunts is really awkward, I wish they added like mini cutscenes of dialogue where each person got to know Tatsuya with every resturaunt encounter or something. But it wasn't that bad I hope I see him again.
As for the revelations, I am a huge fan of revelations in the Yakuza games. They cut back on them alot in this one sadly but at least we still got some. Also I know there were weapon revelations but I somehow found none of them so Im going to just talk about the normal ones. Well, more like rank them.
Saejima: This was funny in a looney tunes way, I loved it.
Haruka: Okay I hated the substory starbound but this was so stupid I couldn't help but lose it while watching.
Shinada: This was just really cool.
Akiyama: I can respect that performance
Kiryu: Althought I like the guy and respect the situation, the revelation in itself wasn't super memorable.
There you have it!
Lastly, the settings.
Yakuza 5 is wild because every character (except Akiyama) got their own unique area in the game, plus there is also Kamurocho. Saejima actually got TWO if not three if you count the prison. I found Kiryu's to be really lovely, it's probably my favorite honestly, at least out of the new ones. I felt like I really got a good feel of the place and it had such a relaxing atmosphere. Because of the slow nature of this part of the game, it really had time to develop a unique identity especially because Kiryu was so familiar with the locals. The mountain was a better setting for Saejima, I wish they just expanded the mountain rather then have him go to the city. Saejima's city, While I thought this area was my favorite beauty wise. we aren't there long enough and it feels to restrictive on where we can go. Satenbori felt like coming home and it was SO lovely and nice just like I remembered, no notes. Shinada's lacked alot of character. I actually thought it was Kamurocho for way too long because it looks so similar to it. Granted I get Japan can't look too different from well, Japan, it just struggled to stick out in my mind. It's unique feature was the large park area and that was pretty cool but I like never went over there. Lastly, Karmurocho is as lovely as ever, im amazed they still let me go underground even though we barely spend any time in the city, like there was no need for them to let me but they did and I appreciate it. Goodbye intricate rooftop access though, you will be missed. The Kamurocho hills additon made the whole place feel quite unfamiliar honestly. It was a strange feeling walking around it but I still thought it was pretty cool!
Did anyone have a favorite city we visited?
And that concludes my Yakuza 5 ramblings about everything other then the plot. If you read this AND part 1, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Im excited to discuss this game with people because I loved it alot! Feel free to comment on either post if you want to, otherwise I'll finally shut up.
8/10

So, here is part 2 of my entitled employee story. We left off with discovering Sally’s retaliation of giving me trash as a Christmas gift after her latest write-up.
So, the next several weeks, I am noticing more problems, but here’s some of the highlights.

1. Ever since we had issues of the office’s checks going randomly missing, Sally had apparently decided to just stop throwing any envelope away when opening the mail. She would supposedly search the envelopes/paperwork & then keep the envelopes with the paperwork. So, instead of doing her job better, she would decide to just stop doing the job at all. After all, you can’t get in trouble for screwing it up if you aren’t doing it, right? However, this resulted in items getting left with the paperwork (which sometimes wouldn’t get touched for several weeks due to being busy) that had needed to be collected or addressed right away.
   
2. Sally’s careless mistakes continued at about the same rate (average of 2 to 3 a week). She would put deposit slips/emails with the wrong office’s report, put one office’s mail in another office’s bin, put one office’s funding papers in another office’s bin, put one office’s bills in the folder for their correspondence & vice versa, put one office’s bills in the folder for another office’s bills, put the new month’s bills in the folder without taking out the old month’s bills so they would get mixed up. I could go on & on.
   
3. Sally would still ask for help on things she shouldn’t need help on anymore, ‘cause I had helped her many times on items exactly like it in the 2 years she’s worked here. I mean, the whole point of asking for help when learning new things on a job is so you can take the input you’re given & use it to get better at the job so you don’t have to ask for help anymore. I mean, what kind of office works by their employees constantly needing to be walked through everything every day? Sally would even ask for help on things no one would need to ask for help on. For example, she asked me, “An office took a deposit to the bank without showing it on their report. How do I write that up in the letter to fax to them?” Um, exactly what you just said to me. Or another time, she asks how long she should wait before calling an office back. Well, how long do you think you should give them? Just use your good judgment. You don’t need help with that! Again, you’ve been here 2 years!
   

On Jan 26, I take the Dec bills, correspondence faxes, & timesheets out of their folders to scan them into the computer. Now, one thing the bills should always have on them are the check number used to pay for this purchase & the date it was paid. The offices themselves are supposed to write this on there, but they don’t always, which is why it is our job to write it on there if it’s missing. I had noticed when I scanned Nov’s bills around Nov 30 that a lot of Sally’s offices don’t have that info written on them. So, I explained to her what needed to be written on every bill/receipt. I now flip through the Dec & Jan bills of her offices really quick to check them. There are quite a few of them with no info written down on them. There’s strike one for noncompliance.
Another task we would do several days a week (that’s Sally’s responsibility) is to check the bank accounts online. She is to look at the bank balances & report any low balances to Greg (or me if Greg isn’t there). She is then to look at the transactions in order to see if anything looks fraudulent. Since we are a loan company, check fraud is very common for us. So, we look at the checks for anything funny-looking, & we look to see if there are any auto debits (like when you use your bank account online to pay for a bill) that would tell us if someone got hold of our bank account info.
On Jan 30, at 1:15 p.m., I asked if any of the bank balances were low (Greg was out of town for a few days). Sally said she had forgotten to check the bank accounts that morning. Weird, ‘cause you had to check the Dallas office to make sure the money we sent them had shown up. How did you get the login sheet out to look in their bank account but then forget about checking all the bank accounts? This just further cemented in my mind that she was NOT checking these bank accounts the way she should. I was 100% positive that all she does when logging into these bank accounts is checking the balances to give to Greg but then never checks the transactions. I know this ‘cause, 1) I’ve observed Sally only logging in to write down the balances & then logging back out (she had some flimsy excuse ready when I asked her about it), 2) there have been auto debits that appeared in bank accounts that we didn’t find for weeks until I happened to see it for some reason & guess what? She never pointed those out to us, & 3) Sally hadn’t bothered to check the bank account balances since Greg was out of town, so clearly she only felt the need to check the balances. There’s strike two for noncompliance.
& even more bad mistakes or decisions:

1. At the end of Jan, we discovered that Sally had mailed the employees’ W2s to the managers’ home addresses instead of to the offices to distribute to their employees!
   
2. We had an office that moved locations to right across the street, so the only thing that changed in their address was their street number (12 Main Street instead of 11 Main Street). I explained this to Sally & gave her an updated list of the office’s addresses. 3 weeks later, we get a call from that office saying that mail we send to them keeps going to their landlord’s house. I check the address labels Sally had created for herself. Sure enough, it had the wrong address on them. I go to grab the lease, & at the top is where the tenant’s new address is listed. & all the way at the bottom of the page in the paragraph titled “RENT” where it lists where to send the rent is the landlord’s home address. & that’s the address Sally had chosen to be the new office’s address on her address labels.
   
3. Sally hadn’t been faxing the offices to ask for bills/receipts that never made it to us.
   
4. I used the last towel on a roll of paper towels, so I went to the cabinets to grab another. We were out. Sally is in charge of keeping track of supplies that need ordering, so I go to Sally & say we’re completely out of paper towels, we need to order some. Sally response: “No one ever tells me when they grab the last roll so I know when to order them.” Um, excuse me, since when is it our job to tell you to do your job? It’s your responsibility to keep track of supplies. You should be checking the level of paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex, etc., to see when you need to order them.
   

So, I knew she needed a second warning write up for carelessness cause of the numerous mistakes since the first warning write up in the middle of Dec, & I would be giving Sally a first warning write up for negligence cause of her not asking the offices for missing bills & not writing the info on the bills I had told her to do at the end of Nov. However, it was only a few days from Feb, which was the time for performance reviews. So, rather than doing a write up now & then in a week or so doing a performance review that was one of the worst performance reviews I’ve ever heard of, I decided to just do it in one fell swoop. You know, just get it all out of the way with one bad conversation, one bad day, & then both of us can hopefully put it behind us & move on.
I decided to do the performance review & write ups on Feb 5 (Monday). It went much smoother ‘cause Greg was there, so Sally couldn’t really give me lip or lash out by showing attitude & anger like she had previously.
On Feb 7 (Wednesday), I log in to get the transactions for an office who is switching banks. I wanted to get an updated list of outstanding checks so they know how many checks are left before they can close the old bank account. & what do I see? Someone had used the bank account to pay $100 on their AT&T bill. I call the office & find out it was actually them, so no fraud there. But I then ask Sally if she had seen that when checking the bank accounts. She said she didn’t remember. Obviously, I have found my proof that she is either not checking them or isn’t paying attention when she does. I have a discussion with Greg about it, & we decide I need to have a sit down with her about her not doing her job. She is sick on Thursday, so I plan to talk with her the next day she comes in.
On Feb 9 (Friday), I begin the conversation about checking the bank accounts & how important it is. I am planning to say things like, we expect you to do this job, you’ve been told multiple times to do this task, if you’re not going to do the job, then you’re welcome to go find another one, etc. But she cuts me off at the beginning with an excuse of, “Well, I didn’t know what I should be looking for, now I know.” & it broke me. She does this exact thing every time I have to have a conversation with her. She has an excuse ready to go on the tip of her tongue, always spins it around so it’s not actually her fault. It’s always, “Well, I didn’t know that, but now, I do.” & I was just done. I didn’t continue the conversation, even though I needed to, ‘cause I just broke down in tears from the stress of having to discipline her & knowing that nothing will ever come of it, but having our hands legally tied to be able to fire her right now. I cried nonstop for over 4 hours.
On Feb 12 (Monday), I sat down to continue the conversation, this time with a written statement for her to sign.
Me: You respond a lot of the time that you don’t know how to do things, which is very frustrating, ‘cause you’ve been shown multiple times how to do these tasks. It’s very inefficient & wasteful that I have to constantly check all of your work & retrain you on the same thing over & over again. This needs to change. This job is about accuracy & accountability.
Sally: You’re not giving me a chance to improve. I never hear “Good job,” from you. All I ever hear is, “You’re doing a bad job, sign this paper.” I get in trouble every time I ask for help, so I guess I’ll just follow the instructions & hope I’m doing it right.
The problems with that response:

1. You’ve worked here for 2 years, Sally. You’ve had plenty of time to improve.
   
2. The reason you never hear “Good job” is ‘cause you’re not doing a good job. How am I supposed to tell you “Good job,” but also need to give you a write up for doing a bad job? If you’re getting multiple write ups for doing a bad job, don’t you think that’s a sign that something is wrong? I mean, she thinks that managers should be telling their employees good job on everything they do right. No, you’re expected to do these tasks. We’re not going to congratulate you every time you do your basic job requirements like some toddler that needs constant positive reinforcement so they know that doing something right is a good thing! You will hear “Good job” when you are doing a really good job on something, when you go above & beyond!! I mean, do you think Greg tells me “Good job” when I’m just doing my job as expected?!! NO!!! I’ve never had a manager constantly tell me “Good job” all the time!!!! (Whew. Sorry about that. Kinda went on a crazy rant there. I’m good now.)
   
3. Here’s another example of her mentality of “if I don’t do the job, I can’t get in trouble for doing it wrong.” She’s going to stop asking for help instead of using the help I’ve given her to do better. I mean, if you’re making these mistakes when you ARE asking for help, how many more are you going to make when you stop asking for help? How does this make any logical sense?!
   

Well, here’s another chance for some malicious compliance. She claimed she didn’t know how to check the bank accounts, right? Well, my job as the manager is to make sure my employees know how to do their job. So, I need to sit down with her & train her how to check the bank accounts. Again. Even though I know she already knows how to do it. So, every time you tell me that the reason why you didn’t do a job is ‘cause you didn’t know how to do it right, well, we’re going to sit down & waste both our times & annoy you having to be retrained on something you do, in fact, know how to do.
Sally continues making careless mistakes & not doing stuff she doesn’t think she should have to do. Like answering the phones. It’s her job to answer the phones; that’s something I as the manager should be delegating to her. However, she never answers the phone unless I literally can’t. So, I had asked her to start answering the phone more. She will wait until the last possible second before answering the phone. By that time, it’s already rung twice, so I have to answer it before it goes on any longer or they hang up. One time, we were both away from our desks when the phone rang. We both went to answer it, but she was closer & got to her desk before me, put her hand on the phone, & watched me until I got to my desk before she picked it up. With a comment of, “Oh, (laughs) I didn’t want to make you walk all the way to your desk.” Well, you did, anyway, you little jerk.
On Feb 27, Sally asks for help on a report. She says that my note stating the office is over-deposited $28 on report 1 but fixed on report 2 by being $28 under-deposited didn’t work out. She says that they were never over by $28 in the first place. I take the report to look it over. Her calculator tape adding up the deposits shows the bank is in balance, but I don’t see deposit slips.
Me: Where are the deposit slips?
Sally: I haven’t gotten them yet.
Me: (trying to comprehend her logic) Then how do you have the deposit amounts added on this tape?
Sally: I got the amounts from the report.
Me: You…(my brain trying not to implode at this point) you can’t add up amounts to see if the bank has too much or too little money in it without knowing what was actually taken to the bank. The amounts on the report don’t always equal what was taken to the bank.
I log into the bank account & discover just that: the report says they took $500 to the bank, but their deposit says $528. They were indeed $28 over-deposited. I then lecture her (for the second time in a few months) on the correct way to account for the deposits at the bank, that we are only to use the dollar amounts on the bank’s deposit receipt. (The first time was her getting the deposit amount from what was written on the deposit slip instead of what the bank gave us credit for on their printed receipt. The bank had shorted us $500, & we never knew until her deposits didn’t work out when reconciling the bank statement at the end of the month. We were missing $500 for 4 weeks! It’s a miracle we didn’t overdraw the account.)
Another task that we do several days a week is checking the CFPB website. This is a government website that uses federal regulations to monitor financial institutions. It’s like the Better Business Bureau, but more official. Customers can make complaints through them, prompting an investigation to make sure we’re following the federal guidelines. We have 2 weeks to respond to a complaint before it is past due.
On Feb 29, Greg just happens to be looking at an email inbox that he never checks, ‘cause after all, we’re checking the CFPB website, so he doesn’t have to look there, right? There is a complaint in 2 of the portals that have been in there since Jan 22. He immediately marches out & tells Sally about them.
Greg: Aren’t you checking the CFPB sites?
Sally: Yeah, I am.
Really? Then how come you didn’t print this complaint off to give to Greg in the last 6 weeks? She came back from lunch to a second warning write up given by me for negligence.
On Mar 5 (Tuesday), we are working on reconciling the bank statements so we can close the month of Feb. Sally brings me a Jan bank statement for an office.
Sally: This never cleared in Feb.
I look at the bank statement. It’s an electronic deposit of $254 on Jan 31. I remember this. She had asked me at the beginning of Feb why this deposit wasn’t recorded on the office’s report. I explained that since it didn’t show up in the bank account until the last day of Jan, they might not have known about it before the end of the month & so recorded it on the first of Feb. We will wait until the first report of Feb. If it’s still not recorded, then we’ll bring that to the office’s attention. & here she is, clearly telling me she hadn’t brought it to anyone’s attention all month long.
Me: (staring at the bank statement as I try to prevent my autistic brain from exploding at her while also trying to prevent a spontaneous stroke) You didn’t keep track of this all month?
Sally: Well, I didn’t know if it was treated differently ‘cause it was OTBP (One Time Bill Pay, which is the electronic deposit). (Oh, what a shocker, she once again didn’t know how to do something.)
Me: But we talked about this. If it wasn’t on the first of the month, we needed to address it.
Sally: Okay, well, now I know that we treat this the same as other deposits. (goes nonchalantly back to her desk like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just revealed she had once again disobeyed my detailed instructions)
Me: (seeing her flagrant disregard for the seriousness of the situation & wondering just how on earth she could once again think that not doing her job would have no consequences) This is exactly what Greg talks about over & over, about how we can’t leave errors like this to sit for weeks & weeks, that these need to be dealt with as they happen.
Sally: (still as easy-going as if she had simply used the wrong color highlighter) Okay, I’ll make note of that.
Now, I am getting really pissed off. She keeps saying, “Oh, now I know that OTBP is treated the same as everything else.” That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know it’s treated the same! I specifically told you to take care of it if it didn’t appear on the first of Feb! It didn’t matter what kind of deposit it was! I said to tell me if it wasn’t on the first of Feb!
Now, this was right before she leaves at 3:30, so by the time I’m finished with my text conversation with Greg (‘cause he isn’t there that afternoon), she has already left. But I’m telling Greg that I have once again caught her being negligent, & she’s already had 2 written warnings about this, which means our next step is letting her go. Not to mention, her carelessness is still continuing. He said that he supports my decision to let her go. By the way, the final decision happened an hour after she left. If I had known before she left that we were indeed going to fire her, I would have done it before she left so she didn’t have to come all the way to work in the morning just to leave again.
So, on Mar 6 (Wednesday), I arrive early to work so I can be prepared. I am standing at my desk, watching her come in. This is unusual, so she frowns as she approaches me.
Me: Sally, we need to talk.
Sally: (still frowns at me)
Me: (handing her the typed up notice) We are going to read this together. “When reconciling the month of Jan, around Feb 5, it was brought to my attention that we had a deposit that hadn’t been reconciled. I gave you instructions to wait a report to see if it works out. If not, you would need to bring it to mine & the office’s attention for further instructions. This wasn’t done. It wasn’t until Mar 5 that you brought this to my attention again. You have been told many times the importance of reconciling the financials of the office. You have been warned several times of negligence. This is another example of negligence with respect to your job. All you had to do was follow my instructions. It is for this reason that it is now time to terminate your employment.”
Sally: When did you tell me to do this?
Me: (thinking, “Um, I kinda just told you when I told you do that, but, okay.”) When you showed me the Jan bank statement—
Sally: Yesterday?!
Me: You showed me the Jan bank statement a month ago when you were reconciling Jan. I told you to wait for the first of Feb & then—
Sally: You did no such thing!
Me: Yes, I did, Sally.
Sally: When does Greg get here?
Me: Around 9, like usual.
Sally: I’m calling him, ‘cause this is ridiculous. You’ve had it out for me from the very beginning.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Sally: Yeah, you have. Just like the other 2. (sets her bags at the front door, goes outside, & calls Greg)

1. How could I have had it out for you from the very beginning when we didn’t have problems for the first year & a half you worked here? If I’d had it out for you from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had a job the past 6 months. Need I remind you what Greg told you about the timesheet thing being something we fire someone for on the spot, but that Molly had gone to bat for you & gave you a second chance? Why would I have done that if I had wanted you gone from the start?
   
2. “Just like the other 2.” She’s talking about Irene (who had left in Feb 2023) & another employee (who we’ll call Phil). Phil had been fired (by Greg, by the way) for continuing to watch movies on his phone at his desk despite being told multiple times by Greg to not do that. & Irene? She wasn’t fired. She gave her 2 weeks’ notice. & we then discovered when going through the work she’s been doing as we started taking over her tasks that she didn’t just not do jobs. She would actually forge the work so she wouldn’t have to work. “A bank imbalance of $2.65? Well, I’ll just add it to the imbalance that’s been building up for who knows how many months & just label it as an over-deposit from the end of the month. That way, I don’t have to look into why the bank isn’t balancing.” But no, I had it out for them, apparently.
   
3. Does she really think that calling Greg was gonna reverse my firing her? Does she really think I would do something as drastic as writing her up or firing her without discussing it with my supervisor first? Did she really think I would do this behind his back?
   

Apparently, she did, ‘cause Greg confirmed that Sally tried telling him about all the stuff I’ve been doing to her as if he didn’t know. She hung up on him when he explained that he’s been told everything as it happens & he supports this decision.
Sally: (storming back into the office & towards her desk) I’m not signing anything.
Me: Ok.
Sally begins packing up her desk. I had known she kept a lot of personal items at the office, so I had gotten a big box or 2 out & placed them nearby for her to use to pack up her desk.
Me: We can give you a box if you need it.
Sally: I don’t need sh** from you guys.
Me: The only thing we’ll need is your office key.
Sally: You’ll get it when you get it. I’m packing my desk.
Me: Ok.
I go back to work, keeping an eye on her as she packs to make sure she doesn’t take anything she’s not supposed to or damage any company property. Sally at some point decides to use the boxes she didn’t want from us to pack up her many items. She takes both boxes to the front door where her bags are & sets them down to put the last of her things in. She picks up one box to take outside.
Sally: You are the worst manager ever. (goes out the door)
Me: (shrug)
Sally: (comes back in for the final box) Seriously, you’re the most evil person I’ve ever met. (leaves)
Really? I rank worse than the guy that beat you up? I’m worse than him?
I continued watching her to see if she’s going to come back to give up her office key. As she packed up her car, another employee had arrived (we’ll call him Randy). He had run into her on the way in & asks me if Sally quit. I explained, no, she was let go. I then see that Sally has gotten behind the wheel of her car without coming back to give us the office key.
Me: Well, I guess we’ll just change the locks.
Randy then takes it upon himself to go out to her car. He phrased it very gently by saying he wanted to spare her having to come back in to turn the key in.
Sally: I guess Molly didn’t have the balls to do it herself. (hands the key over)
& then…she was gone. Despite having to do the entire corporate office’s work all by myself & falling steadily behind little by little, I have never been more happy. I had forgotten how much I loved my job & how much I couldn’t wait to get to work. I haven’t been this stress-free in 6 months, & it feels fantastic! & the great part is, I’m not really falling as far behind as I expected to without her. Having to do 2 people’s jobs by myself is only affecting me a little. Really goes to show you how bad she was for the company & for my job when she disrupted everything that much. For example, me & her would get through maybe 5 to 6 offices’ reports between us in a single day when playing catch up after closing the previous month. One day? I caught up on 10 offices’ reports in a single day. By myself.
Oh, did I mention she smoked marijuana most days on her way to work or while on her lunch break? We could never actually prove it. But, come on, you don’t smell that strongly of marijuana on only select days if you aren’t smoking it recently. If it was leftover from the smell of your house or car, you would smell like that every day. But it was only some days she would come into work or back from lunch smelling like that. Obviously, smoking on the job. So very glad to be rid of her & her awful skunk smell. Although, I do wish her well on a new job search. I don’t wish ill on anyone, ever. But I am just glad she’s no longer my problem to deal with.
(Added 2 months after she was fired): By the way, I am actually gaining on my work. I’m not only not behind on my work, I’m actually getting it done soon enough to work on extra stuff. Also, out of the blue, we’ve started getting about 3 to 4 sales & scam calls every day since Sally left (for things like better Medicare benefits, better retirement benefits, & even one time recently where “Walgreens” was calling to ask if I still had diabetes). I’m convinced Sally signed us up for calls as retaliation. I hope they die down soon, especially as they are starting to get rude. (Our response to every one of these is “Sorry, this is a business.” This one guy responded to me with, “This is my job.” I said, “I understand this is your job, but this is a business. I am not allowed to take personal calls.” He said, “Why?” I said very slowly & firmly, “Because I’m working!” He started to say, “Can you explain to me why—” I hung up. Jerk.)

So, here is part 2 of my entitled employee story. We left off with discovering Sally’s retaliation of giving me trash as a Christmas gift after her latest write-up.
So, the next several weeks, I am noticing more problems, but here’s some of the highlights.

1. Ever since we had issues of the office’s checks going randomly missing, Sally had apparently decided to just stop throwing any envelope away when opening the mail. She would supposedly search the envelopes/paperwork & then keep the envelopes with the paperwork. So, instead of doing her job better, she would decide to just stop doing the job at all. After all, you can’t get in trouble for screwing it up if you aren’t doing it, right? However, this resulted in items getting left with the paperwork (which sometimes wouldn’t get touched for several weeks due to being busy) that had needed to be collected or addressed right away.
   
2. Sally’s careless mistakes continued at about the same rate (average of 2 to 3 a week). She would put deposit slips/emails with the wrong office’s report, put one office’s mail in another office’s bin, put one office’s funding papers in another office’s bin, put one office’s bills in the folder for their correspondence & vice versa, put one office’s bills in the folder for another office’s bills, put the new month’s bills in the folder without taking out the old month’s bills so they would get mixed up. I could go on & on.
   
3. Sally would still ask for help on things she shouldn’t need help on anymore, ‘cause I had helped her many times on items exactly like it in the 2 years she’s worked here. I mean, the whole point of asking for help when learning new things on a job is so you can take the input you’re given & use it to get better at the job so you don’t have to ask for help anymore. I mean, what kind of office works by their employees constantly needing to be walked through everything every day? Sally would even ask for help on things no one would need to ask for help on. For example, she asked me, “An office took a deposit to the bank without showing it on their report. How do I write that up in the letter to fax to them?” Um, exactly what you just said to me. Or another time, she asks how long she should wait before calling an office back. Well, how long do you think you should give them? Just use your good judgment. You don’t need help with that! Again, you’ve been here 2 years!
   

On Jan 26, I take the Dec bills, correspondence faxes, & timesheets out of their folders to scan them into the computer. Now, one thing the bills should always have on them are the check number used to pay for this purchase & the date it was paid. The offices themselves are supposed to write this on there, but they don’t always, which is why it is our job to write it on there if it’s missing. I had noticed when I scanned Nov’s bills around Nov 30 that a lot of Sally’s offices don’t have that info written on them. So, I explained to her what needed to be written on every bill/receipt. I now flip through the Dec & Jan bills of her offices really quick to check them. There are quite a few of them with no info written down on them. There’s strike one for noncompliance.
Another task we would do several days a week (that’s Sally’s responsibility) is to check the bank accounts online. She is to look at the bank balances & report any low balances to Greg (or me if Greg isn’t there). She is then to look at the transactions in order to see if anything looks fraudulent. Since we are a loan company, check fraud is very common for us. So, we look at the checks for anything funny-looking, & we look to see if there are any auto debits (like when you use your bank account online to pay for a bill) that would tell us if someone got hold of our bank account info.
On Jan 30, at 1:15 p.m., I asked if any of the bank balances were low (Greg was out of town for a few days). Sally said she had forgotten to check the bank accounts that morning. Weird, ‘cause you had to check the Dallas office to make sure the money we sent them had shown up. How did you get the login sheet out to look in their bank account but then forget about checking all the bank accounts? This just further cemented in my mind that she was NOT checking these bank accounts the way she should. I was 100% positive that all she does when logging into these bank accounts is checking the balances to give to Greg but then never checks the transactions. I know this ‘cause, 1) I’ve observed Sally only logging in to write down the balances & then logging back out (she had some flimsy excuse ready when I asked her about it), 2) there have been auto debits that appeared in bank accounts that we didn’t find for weeks until I happened to see it for some reason & guess what? She never pointed those out to us, & 3) Sally hadn’t bothered to check the bank account balances since Greg was out of town, so clearly she only felt the need to check the balances. There’s strike two for noncompliance.
& even more bad mistakes or decisions:

1. At the end of Jan, we discovered that Sally had mailed the employees’ W2s to the managers’ home addresses instead of to the offices to distribute to their employees!
   
2. We had an office that moved locations to right across the street, so the only thing that changed in their address was their street number (12 Main Street instead of 11 Main Street). I explained this to Sally & gave her an updated list of the office’s addresses. 3 weeks later, we get a call from that office saying that mail we send to them keeps going to their landlord’s house. I check the address labels Sally had created for herself. Sure enough, it had the wrong address on them. I go to grab the lease, & at the top is where the tenant’s new address is listed. & all the way at the bottom of the page in the paragraph titled “RENT” where it lists where to send the rent is the landlord’s home address. & that’s the address Sally had chosen to be the new office’s address on her address labels.
   
3. Sally hadn’t been faxing the offices to ask for bills/receipts that never made it to us.
   
4. I used the last towel on a roll of paper towels, so I went to the cabinets to grab another. We were out. Sally is in charge of keeping track of supplies that need ordering, so I go to Sally & say we’re completely out of paper towels, we need to order some. Sally response: “No one ever tells me when they grab the last roll so I know when to order them.” Um, excuse me, since when is it our job to tell you to do your job? It’s your responsibility to keep track of supplies. You should be checking the level of paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex, etc., to see when you need to order them.
   

So, I knew she needed a second warning write up for carelessness cause of the numerous mistakes since the first warning write up in the middle of Dec, & I would be giving Sally a first warning write up for negligence cause of her not asking the offices for missing bills & not writing the info on the bills I had told her to do at the end of Nov. However, it was only a few days from Feb, which was the time for performance reviews. So, rather than doing a write up now & then in a week or so doing a performance review that was one of the worst performance reviews I’ve ever heard of, I decided to just do it in one fell swoop. You know, just get it all out of the way with one bad conversation, one bad day, & then both of us can hopefully put it behind us & move on.
I decided to do the performance review & write ups on Feb 5 (Monday). It went much smoother ‘cause Greg was there, so Sally couldn’t really give me lip or lash out by showing attitude & anger like she had previously.
On Feb 7 (Wednesday), I log in to get the transactions for an office who is switching banks. I wanted to get an updated list of outstanding checks so they know how many checks are left before they can close the old bank account. & what do I see? Someone had used the bank account to pay $100 on their AT&T bill. I call the office & find out it was actually them, so no fraud there. But I then ask Sally if she had seen that when checking the bank accounts. She said she didn’t remember. Obviously, I have found my proof that she is either not checking them or isn’t paying attention when she does. I have a discussion with Greg about it, & we decide I need to have a sit down with her about her not doing her job. She is sick on Thursday, so I plan to talk with her the next day she comes in.
On Feb 9 (Friday), I begin the conversation about checking the bank accounts & how important it is. I am planning to say things like, we expect you to do this job, you’ve been told multiple times to do this task, if you’re not going to do the job, then you’re welcome to go find another one, etc. But she cuts me off at the beginning with an excuse of, “Well, I didn’t know what I should be looking for, now I know.” & it broke me. She does this exact thing every time I have to have a conversation with her. She has an excuse ready to go on the tip of her tongue, always spins it around so it’s not actually her fault. It’s always, “Well, I didn’t know that, but now, I do.” & I was just done. I didn’t continue the conversation, even though I needed to, ‘cause I just broke down in tears from the stress of having to discipline her & knowing that nothing will ever come of it, but having our hands legally tied to be able to fire her right now. I cried nonstop for over 4 hours.
On Feb 12 (Monday), I sat down to continue the conversation, this time with a written statement for her to sign.
Me: You respond a lot of the time that you don’t know how to do things, which is very frustrating, ‘cause you’ve been shown multiple times how to do these tasks. It’s very inefficient & wasteful that I have to constantly check all of your work & retrain you on the same thing over & over again. This needs to change. This job is about accuracy & accountability.
Sally: You’re not giving me a chance to improve. I never hear “Good job,” from you. All I ever hear is, “You’re doing a bad job, sign this paper.” I get in trouble every time I ask for help, so I guess I’ll just follow the instructions & hope I’m doing it right.
The problems with that response:

1. You’ve worked here for 2 years, Sally. You’ve had plenty of time to improve.
   
2. The reason you never hear “Good job” is ‘cause you’re not doing a good job. How am I supposed to tell you “Good job,” but also need to give you a write up for doing a bad job? If you’re getting multiple write ups for doing a bad job, don’t you think that’s a sign that something is wrong? I mean, she thinks that managers should be telling their employees good job on everything they do right. No, you’re expected to do these tasks. We’re not going to congratulate you every time you do your basic job requirements like some toddler that needs constant positive reinforcement so they know that doing something right is a good thing! You will hear “Good job” when you are doing a really good job on something, when you go above & beyond!! I mean, do you think Greg tells me “Good job” when I’m just doing my job as expected?!! NO!!! I’ve never had a manager constantly tell me “Good job” all the time!!!! (Whew. Sorry about that. Kinda went on a crazy rant there. I’m good now.)
   
3. Here’s another example of her mentality of “if I don’t do the job, I can’t get in trouble for doing it wrong.” She’s going to stop asking for help instead of using the help I’ve given her to do better. I mean, if you’re making these mistakes when you ARE asking for help, how many more are you going to make when you stop asking for help? How does this make any logical sense?!
   

Well, here’s another chance for some malicious compliance. She claimed she didn’t know how to check the bank accounts, right? Well, my job as the manager is to make sure my employees know how to do their job. So, I need to sit down with her & train her how to check the bank accounts. Again. Even though I know she already knows how to do it. So, every time you tell me that the reason why you didn’t do a job is ‘cause you didn’t know how to do it right, well, we’re going to sit down & waste both our times & annoy you having to be retrained on something you do, in fact, know how to do.
Sally continues making careless mistakes & not doing stuff she doesn’t think she should have to do. Like answering the phones. It’s her job to answer the phones; that’s something I as the manager should be delegating to her. However, she never answers the phone unless I literally can’t. So, I had asked her to start answering the phone more. She will wait until the last possible second before answering the phone. By that time, it’s already rung twice, so I have to answer it before it goes on any longer or they hang up. One time, we were both away from our desks when the phone rang. We both went to answer it, but she was closer & got to her desk before me, put her hand on the phone, & watched me until I got to my desk before she picked it up. With a comment of, “Oh, (laughs) I didn’t want to make you walk all the way to your desk.” Well, you did, anyway, you little jerk.
On Feb 27, Sally asks for help on a report. She says that my note stating the office is over-deposited $28 on report 1 but fixed on report 2 by being $28 under-deposited didn’t work out. She says that they were never over by $28 in the first place. I take the report to look it over. Her calculator tape adding up the deposits shows the bank is in balance, but I don’t see deposit slips.
Me: Where are the deposit slips?
Sally: I haven’t gotten them yet.
Me: (trying to comprehend her logic) Then how do you have the deposit amounts added on this tape?
Sally: I got the amounts from the report.
Me: You…(my brain trying not to implode at this point) you can’t add up amounts to see if the bank has too much or too little money in it without knowing what was actually taken to the bank. The amounts on the report don’t always equal what was taken to the bank.
I log into the bank account & discover just that: the report says they took $500 to the bank, but their deposit says $528. They were indeed $28 over-deposited. I then lecture her (for the second time in a few months) on the correct way to account for the deposits at the bank, that we are only to use the dollar amounts on the bank’s deposit receipt. (The first time was her getting the deposit amount from what was written on the deposit slip instead of what the bank gave us credit for on their printed receipt. The bank had shorted us $500, & we never knew until her deposits didn’t work out when reconciling the bank statement at the end of the month. We were missing $500 for 4 weeks! It’s a miracle we didn’t overdraw the account.)
Another task that we do several days a week is checking the CFPB website. This is a government website that uses federal regulations to monitor financial institutions. It’s like the Better Business Bureau, but more official. Customers can make complaints through them, prompting an investigation to make sure we’re following the federal guidelines. We have 2 weeks to respond to a complaint before it is past due.
On Feb 29, Greg just happens to be looking at an email inbox that he never checks, ‘cause after all, we’re checking the CFPB website, so he doesn’t have to look there, right? There is a complaint in 2 of the portals that have been in there since Jan 22. He immediately marches out & tells Sally about them.
Greg: Aren’t you checking the CFPB sites?
Sally: Yeah, I am.
Really? Then how come you didn’t print this complaint off to give to Greg in the last 6 weeks? She came back from lunch to a second warning write up given by me for negligence.
On Mar 5 (Tuesday), we are working on reconciling the bank statements so we can close the month of Feb. Sally brings me a Jan bank statement for an office.
Sally: This never cleared in Feb.
I look at the bank statement. It’s an electronic deposit of $254 on Jan 31. I remember this. She had asked me at the beginning of Feb why this deposit wasn’t recorded on the office’s report. I explained that since it didn’t show up in the bank account until the last day of Jan, they might not have known about it before the end of the month & so recorded it on the first of Feb. We will wait until the first report of Feb. If it’s still not recorded, then we’ll bring that to the office’s attention. & here she is, clearly telling me she hadn’t brought it to anyone’s attention all month long.
Me: (staring at the bank statement as I try to prevent my autistic brain from exploding at her while also trying to prevent a spontaneous stroke) You didn’t keep track of this all month?
Sally: Well, I didn’t know if it was treated differently ‘cause it was OTBP (One Time Bill Pay, which is the electronic deposit). (Oh, what a shocker, she once again didn’t know how to do something.)
Me: But we talked about this. If it wasn’t on the first of the month, we needed to address it.
Sally: Okay, well, now I know that we treat this the same as other deposits. (goes nonchalantly back to her desk like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just revealed she had once again disobeyed my detailed instructions)
Me: (seeing her flagrant disregard for the seriousness of the situation & wondering just how on earth she could once again think that not doing her job would have no consequences) This is exactly what Greg talks about over & over, about how we can’t leave errors like this to sit for weeks & weeks, that these need to be dealt with as they happen.
Sally: (still as easy-going as if she had simply used the wrong color highlighter) Okay, I’ll make note of that.
Now, I am getting really pissed off. She keeps saying, “Oh, now I know that OTBP is treated the same as everything else.” That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know it’s treated the same! I specifically told you to take care of it if it didn’t appear on the first of Feb! It didn’t matter what kind of deposit it was! I said to tell me if it wasn’t on the first of Feb!
Now, this was right before she leaves at 3:30, so by the time I’m finished with my text conversation with Greg (‘cause he isn’t there that afternoon), she has already left. But I’m telling Greg that I have once again caught her being negligent, & she’s already had 2 written warnings about this, which means our next step is letting her go. Not to mention, her carelessness is still continuing. He said that he supports my decision to let her go. By the way, the final decision happened an hour after she left. If I had known before she left that we were indeed going to fire her, I would have done it before she left so she didn’t have to come all the way to work in the morning just to leave again.
So, on Mar 6 (Wednesday), I arrive early to work so I can be prepared. I am standing at my desk, watching her come in. This is unusual, so she frowns as she approaches me.
Me: Sally, we need to talk.
Sally: (still frowns at me)
Me: (handing her the typed up notice) We are going to read this together. “When reconciling the month of Jan, around Feb 5, it was brought to my attention that we had a deposit that hadn’t been reconciled. I gave you instructions to wait a report to see if it works out. If not, you would need to bring it to mine & the office’s attention for further instructions. This wasn’t done. It wasn’t until Mar 5 that you brought this to my attention again. You have been told many times the importance of reconciling the financials of the office. You have been warned several times of negligence. This is another example of negligence with respect to your job. All you had to do was follow my instructions. It is for this reason that it is now time to terminate your employment.”
Sally: When did you tell me to do this?
Me: (thinking, “Um, I kinda just told you when I told you do that, but, okay.”) When you showed me the Jan bank statement—
Sally: Yesterday?!
Me: You showed me the Jan bank statement a month ago when you were reconciling Jan. I told you to wait for the first of Feb & then—
Sally: You did no such thing!
Me: Yes, I did, Sally.
Sally: When does Greg get here?
Me: Around 9, like usual.
Sally: I’m calling him, ‘cause this is ridiculous. You’ve had it out for me from the very beginning.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Sally: Yeah, you have. Just like the other 2. (sets her bags at the front door, goes outside, & calls Greg)

1. How could I have had it out for you from the very beginning when we didn’t have problems for the first year & a half you worked here? If I’d had it out for you from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had a job the past 6 months. Need I remind you what Greg told you about the timesheet thing being something we fire someone for on the spot, but that Molly had gone to bat for you & gave you a second chance? Why would I have done that if I had wanted you gone from the start?
   
2. “Just like the other 2.” She’s talking about Irene (who had left in Feb 2023) & another employee (who we’ll call Phil). Phil had been fired (by Greg, by the way) for continuing to watch movies on his phone at his desk despite being told multiple times by Greg to not do that. & Irene? She wasn’t fired. She gave her 2 weeks’ notice. & we then discovered when going through the work she’s been doing as we started taking over her tasks that she didn’t just not do jobs. She would actually forge the work so she wouldn’t have to work. “A bank imbalance of $2.65? Well, I’ll just add it to the imbalance that’s been building up for who knows how many months & just label it as an over-deposit from the end of the month. That way, I don’t have to look into why the bank isn’t balancing.” But no, I had it out for them, apparently.
   
3. Does she really think that calling Greg was gonna reverse my firing her? Does she really think I would do something as drastic as writing her up or firing her without discussing it with my supervisor first? Did she really think I would do this behind his back?
   

Apparently, she did, ‘cause Greg confirmed that Sally tried telling him about all the stuff I’ve been doing to her as if he didn’t know. She hung up on him when he explained that he’s been told everything as it happens & he supports this decision.
Sally: (storming back into the office & towards her desk) I’m not signing anything.
Me: Ok.
Sally begins packing up her desk. I had known she kept a lot of personal items at the office, so I had gotten a big box or 2 out & placed them nearby for her to use to pack up her desk.
Me: We can give you a box if you need it.
Sally: I don’t need sh** from you guys.
Me: The only thing we’ll need is your office key.
Sally: You’ll get it when you get it. I’m packing my desk.
Me: Ok.
I go back to work, keeping an eye on her as she packs to make sure she doesn’t take anything she’s not supposed to or damage any company property. Sally at some point decides to use the boxes she didn’t want from us to pack up her many items. She takes both boxes to the front door where her bags are & sets them down to put the last of her things in. She picks up one box to take outside.
Sally: You are the worst manager ever. (goes out the door)
Me: (shrug)
Sally: (comes back in for the final box) Seriously, you’re the most evil person I’ve ever met. (leaves)
Really? I rank worse than the guy that beat you up? I’m worse than him?
I continued watching her to see if she’s going to come back to give up her office key. As she packed up her car, another employee had arrived (we’ll call him Randy). He had run into her on the way in & asks me if Sally quit. I explained, no, she was let go. I then see that Sally has gotten behind the wheel of her car without coming back to give us the office key.
Me: Well, I guess we’ll just change the locks.
Randy then takes it upon himself to go out to her car. He phrased it very gently by saying he wanted to spare her having to come back in to turn the key in.
Sally: I guess Molly didn’t have the balls to do it herself. (hands the key over)
& then…she was gone. Despite having to do the entire corporate office’s work all by myself & falling steadily behind little by little, I have never been more happy. I had forgotten how much I loved my job & how much I couldn’t wait to get to work. I haven’t been this stress-free in 6 months, & it feels fantastic! & the great part is, I’m not really falling as far behind as I expected to without her. Having to do 2 people’s jobs by myself is only affecting me a little. Really goes to show you how bad she was for the company & for my job when she disrupted everything that much. For example, me & her would get through maybe 5 to 6 offices’ reports between us in a single day when playing catch up after closing the previous month. One day? I caught up on 10 offices’ reports in a single day. By myself.
Oh, did I mention she smoked marijuana most days on her way to work or while on her lunch break? We could never actually prove it. But, come on, you don’t smell that strongly of marijuana on only select days if you aren’t smoking it recently. If it was leftover from the smell of your house or car, you would smell like that every day. But it was only some days she would come into work or back from lunch smelling like that. Obviously, smoking on the job. So very glad to be rid of her & her awful skunk smell. Although, I do wish her well on a new job search. I don’t wish ill on anyone, ever. But I am just glad she’s no longer my problem to deal with.
(Added 2 months after she was fired): By the way, I am actually gaining on my work. I’m not only not behind on my work, I’m actually getting it done soon enough to work on extra stuff. Also, out of the blue, we’ve started getting about 3 to 4 sales & scam calls every day since Sally left (for things like better Medicare benefits, better retirement benefits, & even one time recently where “Walgreens” was calling to ask if I still had diabetes). I’m convinced Sally signed us up for calls as retaliation. I hope they die down soon, especially as they are starting to get rude. (Our response to every one of these is “Sorry, this is a business.” This one guy responded to me with, “This is my job.” I said, “I understand this is your job, but this is a business. I am not allowed to take personal calls.” He said, “Why?” I said very slowly & firmly, “Because I’m working!” He started to say, “Can you explain to me why—” I hung up. Jerk.)

There is some potentially triggering content in this story
Did you know that memories aren’t real? No? Not really, you can misremember or change a memory without ever knowing you have. It’s a sinisterly important fact for me, some would be worried but I find it freeing, I can share this memory without fear or shame. I most likely haven’t remembered what happened as it happened, and considering what happened on the 9th of May all those years ago, I’d say it’s likely I don’t remember. It’s a relief really that memories aren’t real; I have always hated talking about my memories, about myself in general. In my experience, people are not interested in what I have to say, unless it relates to them or it makes me look less than them. Maybe it’s all in my head, everything is really. I’m not the most people friendly these days, I think you could call me a cynic, I call myself a cynic, but I’ll try and keep true to this memory, without the influence of hindsight and my cynicism.
It’s about that puddle and the 9th of May. Why the specifically the 9th of May? Well I don’t actually know why that day, it could have easily been the 8th, the difference is hours. I do wish I could change the setting; it’s almost poetic, I could always be misremembering, it was a long time ago, and I have been told many times since that I have a flair for the dramatic. A dark and rainy night, with the wind howling, well that’s a backdrop I can enjoy.
I’m sorry. Let me start at the beginning for the sake of clarity, otherwise I’ll never finish what I start to say, and I’ll never say what I need to say.
Once upon a time I went to a party. I enjoyed drinking back then, a healthy amount for most people, but for me, a dangerous amount, I had a tendency to get inside my head when I drink.
No again I’m sorry, that’s not the memory I want to share, I want to tell the 9th of May, I think this memory will be harder to tell than I first thought.
It was a birthday party for a friend, well a friend of a friend, I knew two people there, I was speaking my wisdom at the party, normally people would just nod and slide away from that kind of wisdom, but this was during the university days, everyone is intelligent, insightful and understanding at university. We few were the self-proclaimed leaders of the future, and so understood all, my green wisdom spewed with no start or finish was always well received. I remember some of what I said, you can walk into any pub or club and listen to the drunkest person in the room, they would have spewed the same wisdom, wisdom that I thought at the time was original and wise, but really was just old sentiment repeated with new words. Despite what I wanted at the time, wisdom comes with age, not self-assurance.
But this time was my spring years, that sweet age just before I faced reality, the real harsh reality of life, I had just begun to explore the world inside my bubble, and my exploration lead me onto the well-trodden path of clubbing and drinking, the respectable rebellion. I began as I always did, by talking, talking of going to some event, a lecture, a monument, an underground pub, of all the things I could do that evening, the places I could go, I and the other future leaders of the world, the potential was ours to squander. This ended as it always would, in that night club, the very same one I would always go to, my slice of reality.
Apologies my dear reader, I have a cynical mind, it’s hard to keep at bay, I’ll admit that I haven’t really tried to keep it from being an influence here, I can’t seem to help myself, but this next part of the memory is less clear, but I can relay it with a real, shame filled joy. This part of the memory feels more like a dream now, I don’t have the energy to do what I did that night, I don’t have the energy for much these days, I think that makes the memory more fond to me, drinking, dancing, worry free. Maybe fond was the wrong word to use here, jealous is more fitting, jealous of the innocence and time I wasted. The power of a drink back then was incredible; I miss the feeling, that burn in the mouth, the after taste, the saliva, the heat in your chest, and that feeling of being unstoppable. Of course drink has more than one effect, and while I’d like to believe my cloudy memory is caused by false and misremembered facts, or by the merging of a hundred single nights into one endless night, that’s too poetic. No, the memory is clouded by the amount I drunk that night, and many years after as I tried to forget this very memory.
Yet despite this, even now, the fragments still makes me smile, whether it’s because I enjoy the memories of the innocence I held then, or I’m jealous of them I cannot say, I’m a self-proclaimed cynic, not a philosopher or a psychologist, I’ll leave the analysis to better men than me. Instead I’ll try to give you an idea of what happened in the club without my opinions bleeding through. This night in the club was no different from all the others, they all start the same. Moving around the club in a daze, my head feeling big and unsteady, but also incredibly light and empty, my fingertips warm, my feet numb, I remember dancing to songs, dancing on tables, screaming out lyrics, smoking outside, stealing a bottle of champagne, fixing my hair in a mirror, buying a round of drinks, the lights flashing, the bass thumping, fog spewing, standing on my own staring at the old chandelier, crawling on the floor looking for money, I remember walking out the club and how quiet everything seemed in comparison while I tried to keep standing in the night air, looking at my hands, how bright the lights were, how blurry the world seemed and how beautiful the moon was that night.
Here, here the memory starts to come back into focus, the bright street lights and night air always helped me to sober up at night, plus I’ve always enjoyed being outside in the dark night or under the moonlight, I find it comforting to stand under the moon, it’s as if I’m suddenly alive.
As I came to my senses my memory sharpened, but that’s all, my drunkenness remained. I was with a couple of friends, some who I had been at the party with and some who I met in the club, we got food, and we spent such a long time talking, our conversations were mixed, some happy, some sad, all just more green wisdom. Much later on, me and my friend, maybe the one I went to the party with (it might have been someone else, who’s to say?), walked back towards our homes not because we wanted to walk as we said over and over to our screeching friends, but because the taxi was expensive and we couldn’t afford it, we lived in different places but close enough that we could walk together. Its funny to think of this moment, back then I had the money for a taxi, but I wouldn’t spend it on a taxi, now that I’m a poor man, I’ll spend money I don’t have on taxis I don’t need, apparently the youthful idiot I was, was wiser than I am now in some regards after all.
I don’t remember walking with my friend, or rather, I know where we went, how long it took and what we probably talked about, I had walked this walk so many times before this night, and so many after, they are all the same memory to me now, I enjoyed the walking in the night, the exhilaration of that has stayed with me more than the company on those walks. I always used to break it down into three segments, and so that’s how it comes back to me now. Leaving the club, past the library, past the race track, over the river across the bridge, up the steep hill, past the first university gates (which were actually the back gates), round the campus on the public roads, to the second gates (which are the main gates), a long walk with company, a painfully short one with alone. He was still living on the Campus my friend, I lived about ten minutes away from the campus, I said goodbye and goodnight, we agreed to speak in the morning if we survived. He went through the back gates and headed towards the halls, I continued on my way, onto the second segment of the walk past the gates. I was on my own for the rest of the walk; this happened a lot, both during my university days and many years after. I lived on the opposite side of the campus to most of my friends so this part of the walk was always mine alone, even when I started the night with the people I lived with. I didn’t mind, it was nice to enjoy the feeling of being drunk without having to show I was drunk, a few assured moments of peace under the moon light. I never deviated from my path, round the outside of the campus, opposite some housing estates, till I got next to a little shop that sold cheap, bottles of spirit. I would always stop for a moment to wish that shop was open.
Then it was down that straight road, the final part of my walk, big houses on either side, well-lit but not busy. It looked like it was a five minute walk but once you started it felt like it was never ending, and at the end of the night, in the night air, it was never ending. Sometimes I would run, sprint to see if I could make it to the end of that road without stopping, something to break the monotony of walking, other times to tire myself out so I could fall straight to sleep, and sometimes just because I wanted to run. Nearly every day for two years I walked down that road to go clubbing shopping or studying, to go for a meal, see a film, meet a friend, it was a constant part of my life, an unwanted companion and witness. Walking down that road, reader I don’t think I’m able to describe how I hated that road, but I always walked down that road, there were other ways I could walk, quicker ways, but I always took that road.
This particular night, actually at this point I suppose it was the morning. I was walking down that road in the rain and dark between the streetlights, bitterly cold staring straight into a street light walking on the right hand side. I’d always walk on the right hand side, I’m not sure why, whenever I walked on the left I had a bad day. Except for on the 9th, the 9th is the one exception.
I have no clue where the car came from; I didn’t see it until after the jump, just a blurred headlight, a door, a wing mirror. The driver, the make, the model, even the color is a mystery. It appeared and left like a phantom. There was no thought, I moved forward, but I don’t recognize that I was the one who leapt forward.
I remember the fall. I fell backwards. As if my strings had been cut and I fell limp into the puddle, there was no splash as I landed in that puddle.
The feeling I felt in that puddle, it was something I had never felt before or since, an overwhelming pull I was powerless against, I pray to never to feel it again.
Should I describe it? How to describe it? I have to describe it. I can describe the fear it inspired, but not yet, it’s easier to describe fear, but this isn’t meant to be easy, this memory never is. No the actual feeling, that’s harder, It wasn’t a happy emotion, not a powerful emotion, not a sad emotion. Hopelessness? Yes it was hopelessness. Nothing more, nothing less. No hope for the future, no point to anything, I think it is possibly the only time I felt hopelessness. You can’t live without hope.
I couldn’t stand could I? No, I wouldn’t have laid there if I could, to begin with I didn’t want to, didn’t care to, my legs wouldn’t move, arms were like stone, every muscle in my body cramped, I could feel everything. My eyes were open, rain hitting them, rain dripped from my lips to my chin, it tickled. The fingertips were warm, hair moved, stand by stand off my face. Puddle water lapped against my cheek, socks soaking up water, shirt getting tighter and heavier, jacket sleeves filling up with water, keys and wallet resting on my leg. I just lay there staring at nothing, seeing nothing.
I think to begin with I was gone; that everything I held myself up to and was trying to achieve, had suddenly left me, except my memories, memories that weren’t real. For the longest time that’s how I was, empty, even down to my emotions there was nothing I laid there empty. I could feel my body, but I couldn’t move it, I wasn’t welcome, I felt awkward, out of place. I’m not sure how long I lay there, dead (I had to be dead because I had no hope), it could have been a minute; it could have been hours, days or years.
The light was wrong. It was dark, only the light seemed to come from a streetlight, the sky was empty, the moon had left me.
Some portion of my mind came back, I started crying, I had failed, failed at even this simple task, I lay for a long time waiting, waiting for something else to come, I should have gotten up, but I just lay there waiting, I was muttering my secret . If that had been my mind for the rest of my days, I would have spent those days in that puddle unmoving; declared brain dead on the spot. The moment raises such disgust in me, I grieved my most important failure, hated my greatest success.
I’d like to lie here, to say anything other than the truth, to save myself the pain and the shame, but I said I would try to tell this memory as it was, not as I wish it, so while I’d like to say I had a vison, a burst of strength, that hope returned to me, I can’t, because in reality it was two words that saved me.
Two words. The Two words that cut through it all. I’m still not sure if I just heard them from somewhere else, said it myself or imagined it afterwards. “Get up” it was angry, disgusted, the words were almost spat out, “Get up”.
Those words have burned themselves into my mind, and affected me every day since. The fear and inspiration it awoke in my mind, throat pricked and butterflies in my stomach, anxiety. Next to the hopelessness it seemed like life had spoken, with a voice that wielded fear.
I took control of my body then……
No dear reader I didn’t…. I am almost finished, I have to be true to the memory, I can’t spare myself now, it’s too late for me to take it back.
I didn’t take control, I wasn’t there yet, it took me such a long time to regain control again, but it gave my eyes back to me for I had seen nothing long before the fall. I watched as fear drove me, took the strings of my life and moved them, dragging my shell in the dust, screaming.
I cursed everyone and everything, hated myself for what had happened, Oh and the fear, fear of the voice, fear of dying, the fear that someone would see me at this moment, see me and misunderstand me, I didn’t want to die,(I don’t want to die now) I was terrified that I had tried to die, terrified I didn’t know where that urge came from, that moment of energy and intention that was actioned without the consent of my mind, that I was powerless against.
Fear drove me, commanded me out of that puddle. I’d gone insane, truly, completely, utterly mad, I was dragging myself to the curb, screaming, crying, laughing, I ripped my finger nails out, shredded my palms and hands into bloody messes my knees into bruised pulp, my head and face cut by being dragged along.
I heaved up that curb fucking curb, shaking. I started to stand and scramble forward, to escape that spot, that puddle on that road. I stood up hunched and bent, buffet by the wind, laughing, crying, waving my hands in all directions spitting, shouting, wiping blood on my jeans, I was staggering side to side shaking, soaked to the bone, I was mad, insane, disgraced and humiliated.
Why say more? I won’t go further, there is so much more but to understand it…. This was not the place for such memories. That moment all those years ago, was not the eureka moment, the next day I turned this into a joke, a story to tell.
To this day, I cannot tell you what really happened that night all those years ago, as I sit here writing and rewriting the words over and over. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. I wonder what would happened if I could relive that night again, doing everything again now. This was the time that my bubble began to burst and the real world hit me like a wave. Perhaps it was just a moment of growing pains. I’ve said it before, I’m only a cynic, all I have left is the memory of the 9th of May, a memory I visit daily.

I (33F) and my friend V (33NB) met when we were 9 and have been friends ever since. After university we moved between the city and home as our plans dictated. 8 years ago I moved back to live with my parents while getting my career as a writer going
After I moved away, things changed. I took 7hr coach trips to visit V a few times a year for birthdays, Christmas etc. V never cleaned when I was visiting they also never came to visit me. Even when I had the house to myself
I got my first book published and wrote acknowledgements to V for being so supportive. I was on a visit when the book was delivered and they opened the package and didn't look inside the book just put it aside. I told myself I was ridiculous for caring about this
I noticed that V didn't like my 'publication day' posts, or send me even a message on those days. I had offered them free books but V had said they wanted to 'support me' by buying them. But they admitted that they have not been - not even 99p ebooks
V recently left bf and moved in with a gf. They are getting 'not-married' and V wanted me to do a speech. I didn't know their new gf and V and I were barely communicating. I felt like I didn't know my best friend well enough to do this for them. So we talked about it and agreed to have weekly video calls to reconnect
I felt like the calls were more about getting me to the not-wedding than fixing our friendship. Last call I was ignored for 30mins, while they chatted. After this I decided not to go to the not-wedding and confronted V again
V told me they had 'changed what they were willing to offer as a friend'. I pointed out that they hadn't told me that. I asked if my parents died would they come and see me. They said that 'life might get in the way'. The fact that I didn't know they felt that way and might have needed them badly when I found out what they were 'willing to offer' cut me deeply. They said they wanted to be there for the fun stuff and to celebrate tho.
This was the month of my bday and I told them they didn't have to worry about a present or anything atm. They ignored that in their reply. In the end I sent a message 1wk before my bday, basically saying I couldn’t do this anymore and that they had been imo a bad friend recently so it would be best if we parted ways.
They never responded the messages show as unread on FB. 5 days later, on my bday, I messaged to say that I was sorry I hadn't been able to phrase that more gently, and that they were obviously not going to talk to me, so, thank you for 20yrs and goodbye
I don't understand why they decided not to even say goodbye, and yet didn't unfriend me anywhere just left me to do it/remove them. I feel like they just don't give a crap about me and couldn't even give closure
AITBF for how I handled this?