Nice signatures for my phone

A few days ago one of my good friends drove me to a party. He said he wanted to drink since I didn’t want to and I said it’s fine since I can just drive his car back to his house and we both crash the night there. Issue was he was on his green Ps and i’m on reds so his car had green Ps and no one had red Ps or spare red Ps.
While driving home I saw one of my other good friends cars and high beamed him a few times. The limit was 80 I stuck to it but he went like 90 and absolutely gapped me. Anyways 2km later a nice chrysler srt pulls up and chucks on the sirens. I pull over straight away and turn off the car. The officer comes and takes my license. He then straight just says accuses me for using carplay. I said it’s not even my car and that I physically haven’t connected my phone but he made me “prove it” by turning it back on.
He wandered back to his car for a minute and came back. He asked me what speed I went I said 80 and he’s like ahaha sure buddy don’t lie and tell me the truth and I said i’m going 80 and he kept trying to make me slip up or something but I said I don’t speed since I wouldn’t risk it and he walks back and comes with breath test now which is fair I guess it’s normal to breath test people anyways and wanders back the car again. He comes about 4 minutes later and said i’m in trouble for using high beams.
Not sure why he had to be so mean and keep trying to accuse me of random stuff it would’ve been fine if he just got to the point I guess I just wanted to get home and it wasn’t even past the red P curfew times so I just stayed as honest and calm as possible.
Anyways he said it’s not a big deal since it’s only one demerit and I will have 6 left. Thing we still joke about is the fact he didn’t realise i’m on my reds after he scanned my license and checked my driving records but there you have it’s the ones responsible to keep the community safe I guess.
He didn’t issue anything didn’t make me do anything on the spot and since he couldn’t even identify I was on my red plates did I receive a fine? He said I may get a fine sent by mail but that’s it do they usually give something in person or is it just fully dealt with by mail? Another question is if they realise I had the wrong plates on after I left can they fine me for that even though they didn’t bring it up when I was there?

Hey guys !
I am on my 3rd or 4th rewatch of the show (I first watched it about a year ago and kinda became obsessed with it...). Anyway, I got to the end of season 6 and, well, I think we can all pinpoint the exact instant everything started going to shit .... : the second the black SUV started to close in Castle's mirror while he was on the road to the Hamptons.
So, obviously now I know everything about the show and I know what to expect. Hence, I have been experiencing something new with this rewatch : I am struggling to move forward with the episodes ! It is like I know this is the end and I don't want it to end kind of thing, do you see what I mean ? (For obvious reasons I don't consider season 8 in my rewatches).
Thus, it first started when I got to episode 6x21, the last one before the infamous "Veritas". Although Veritas is a great episode and a very nice conclusion to the series long plot with Johanna Beckett's murder, it was like I knew I was on the verge of finishing the series (even though there is the whole season 7 left) and I was not ready for it. Same thing for the Season 6 finale, when I watched it this time, I stopped just after the phone call between Kate and Castle, I could not stomach the end of the episode with the cliffhanger.
Moving further with season 7, I have been having dealing with the same issues : it was though to watch the wedding because I feel betrayed in comparison to what we could have had at the end of season 6, it took me a while to watch 7x10, the Mafia - Christmas Ep because I knew it was the last ep before Castle became a PI. To be honest, I am quite found of this three episodes of Castle being a PI but it is just we are turning a page on everything we have seen so far because what made the series is their duo solving cases and building theory together. Furthermore, I know Castle is a PI only in the very last part of the series (and most notably season 8...) so to see him become one is like effectively acting the end of the series (or at least that it is near).
Now, I have just finished episode 7x13 and I have the same dilemma, the next couple of episodes deal with 3XK and I am not ready to end this you know ? The episodes are good (although not as good as the first few double episodes imo), it is just their broader meaning series-wide that scares me.
As a result, even though season 7 is not bad itself (still it is not nearly as good as the previous 6 in my honest opinion) I am really struggling to go through its episodes. Maybe you'll tell me just suck it up, watch the episodes and then start a rewatch all over again ?
Anyway I would really like to hear what are your experiences when you get to that point of the series through a rewatch !
[I do apologize in advance, English is not my first language so there might be a few mistakes, I hope it remains intelligible]

I am starting to have a crush on this guy in our atelier. We see each other often; he waves and asks how I am when we meet in the atelier or the hall. The other day, I went with him to the cinema. It wasn't a date; we were walking to the train station, and he asked if I wanted to join him since I had nothing else to do. The movie he was watching was for his thesis. Before he invited me, we were hanging out with another classmate on some benches. I didn't feel included in their conversation, so I busied myself with my phone and heard him ask one of the two girls if they wanted to join him.
Yesterday, we spent the whole day together in the atelier, working and talking. I knew he would be there because he told me he would come to work, and he already knew that I am always there since I don't like being home. At the end of the day, he asked if I wanted to join him for a conference at school. I had nothing to do, so I said yes. I later noticed that some of his friends were joining, so womp womp, but I still got to sit next to him. Either way, it was a lovely conference.
During the conference, I noticed he might have been trying to look at me, or maybe he was just fidgety. After the conference, there's always this problem of me just being there and him not including or introducing me, so I just feel awkward. I did talk to some of his friends who started conversations with me.
It started to rain, so we went to take the metro. We were a group of four with three umbrellas. I noticed that the other two's umbrella was broken, so I suggested giving them my umbrella and sharing his. We got to talk and laugh. At one point, his friend turned to us and laughed—I don't know if it was what I think it was. His friend went away, and we talked more. Then there was this awkward pause, and he said, "See you Monday, I guess." He was awkward. I told him that school would be closed on Monday, so technically, it would be Tuesday.
Moving on, I messaged him on LinkedIn to share some information I found that might help him with his thesis, and we talked a little bit. Here’s a summary of that conversation:
I sent him a message about some interesting information I found on architecture servers related to prisons, which might help his thesis. He appreciated the information, mentioning he learned about an Argentinian architect he wasn't aware of before. He also shared that the concert he attended was great but tiring after 2 AM. He sent me several emojis, including waving hands and peace signs, which added a friendly and informal tone to our conversation. We chatted a bit more, with him mentioning he was going out to eat with friends. I told him I was at Pride and planned to go all-in next year. He responded, "Yeah, I love the Pride here!! Last year I participated, and it was mental ahaha but yeah, next year I'll be there for sure 😉."
I said, "This was my first ever, so I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how different the next one will be! I guess I'll hope to see you at the next one. 🌈😉
Thank you! It has been devoured xD. Enjoy your lunch/dinner (I have a hunch it might be that) and have fun!! 🍕😄"
He didn’t see it till 3 AM and didn’t respond. A guy friend told me he isn’t interested because if he was, he would have responded. I don't know how I can know if he is just a really nice guy or maybe interested. I know it’s kind of early to know or even ask him. How should I proceed to know if there is hope? Any tips? Help me, I really hate crushes.
TL;DR: I have a crush on a guy from my atelier. We’ve hung out a few times, including a cinema visit (for his thesis), a full day working together, and a conference. We had a friendly LinkedIn conversation, but he didn’t reply to my last message. A friend said he might not be interested because if he was, he would have responded. I’m unsure if he’s just nice or if there’s potential interest. How can I tell if he likes me back? Any advice is appreciated.

Wow, where to start! I am the oldest daughter of a family that loves our mother dearly! I planned an amazing surprise 75th Birthday for her and it went off without a hitch and all had an amazing time! Family came from every direction of the US. FF to now , its time for her 80th birthday milestone and Yep... you guessed it, I started planning a surprise party again. We cant have it at my eldest brothers house because he had passed away in 2021 from Covid. It was a huge loss for our family as our other brother was killed back in 98 by our cousin but thats for another story! So, I talked to my remaining brother, we will call him George...... George agreed to host the party and i would help with food, drinks , cake etc and I would invite all I could get in touch with. So I did! Mind you, I have been working on this for several months at this point. Well, as usual, Mom always figures these things out and asked if I invited entitled niece.... lets call her Harriet.... I said Nope... and I am not going to because she hasnt given me the time of day even though I was the ONLY babysitter she ever had. I used to keep her and she tagged along with me literally EVERYWHERE....Harriet was my shadow and I loved her so much. I still do. Well, after she grew up she went off to college and confided in me about some procedure she had and i shoud NEVER bring it up again. WHAT? When she got home from college of course i had questions and she said she would never talk to me again for even asking her about it. Fast forward to the last up to 10 years that everytime I have seen her and her family I have went out of my way to say hello and try to hug them as we are a very huggy family... but she would basicaly ignore me and pull away . I have went out of my way to be nice to her for my Mothers sake as she was the first grandchild and my moms favorite even though i have 8 children. At any rate......... I contacted my little sister who we will call Petty and gets whatever she wants at any time... So Petty said she would contact the local peeps that i dont have contact information for and then I just got a text from a number I dont know... SURPRISE... Its Pettys 14th new phone number in 5 years stating that I need to call her... So, I did. Petty informs me that the party i have been planning for months has now been moved to Harriets place for a pool party when it was already decided to be at our brothers place. WTF????? I said.. Ok..... Please remember to contact EVERYONE to tell them the venue has changed and I know you all will have a great time. I wont be coming! I refuse to go anywhere where I do not feel welcome and I refuse to pretend to be civil when I will just want to basically walk out within the first 5 minutes! I texted my brother George and Petty and Harriet havnt yet let him know about the change of venue. Harriet has lots of money and a huge fancy house and I guess it was said it would go over better if the party was at her place. Well, Ok. I am on disability and have been saving to be able to pay for this. Not any more. She can have the party and I will visit my Mother and do my own party weekend with her. I dont need to be in the presence of fake loving family. Kinda pissed but I will get over it.
Little backstory on Petty and my relationship. We are 5 years apart and really have nothing in common but she is Mamas baby and all that entails! She has stolen literally everything of value from me all my life... My cheerleading coat, my class ring.... even though i bought her ...her class ring , my jordache jeans, my white rabbit coat even though I bought her a black rabbit coat..... she has taken money out of my wallet as i slept after i got paid from my after school j0bs.....years later my son went to live with her for a few months with all his possessions and his dog... SHE KICKED HIM OUT AND SOLD EVERYTHING HE OWNED TO PAWN SHOPS AND GAVE AWAY HIS DOG BECAUSE HER BOYFRIENDS BROTHER WANTED A DOG FOR HIS BIRTHDAY! Needless to say... Not much love lost. I love her but keep my distance.
This is just a shitshow and I am staying as far away as possible. No way we can say dysfunctional any better. No wonder i live 8 hours away and enjoy my peace and quiet on Daytona Beach! No drama zone!

I am looking to buy a tablet that will be used for a mix of video streaming (Youtube, MLB, etc) and game streaming (PS5 Remote Play and XCloud). Basically for using around the house or on the patio in the summer.
I've fooled around with remote play on my iPhone 14 in the house. It seems to work great with a Dualsense paired but I don't see myself wanting to play much on a screen that size.
I am looking at tablets now and am kind of back and forth on two, the iPad 9th gen ($379 Canadian currently) and the Samsung A9+ ($279 currently). I generally prefer iOS but it would be nice to save $100 when it is a low use/at home device.
Is there any big differences between remote play and/or the Dualsense and how well they work on iOS vs Android? Haptics worked when I tested GT7 on the iPhone but I have no Android device to try it on.
The Samsung has a higher refresh rate (90hz), would that make a difference?
The iPad has a higher resolution screen (1080p vs 2160p). Will that matter?
The Samsung seems to have a low amount of ram for Android (4gb), does it matter for remote play?

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

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Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

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What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


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Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

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Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

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If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

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"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

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Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

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If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

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The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

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What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

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Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

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The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

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How do you find your purpose? You create it.

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Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

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Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

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A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

~~

How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

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If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

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10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

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‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

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Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

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Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

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Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

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‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

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Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

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Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

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‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

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How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

~~

Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

~~

Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

~~

Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

~~

I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

~~

I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

~~

A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

~~

A good actress will melt into her role.

~~

Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

~~

How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

~~

Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

~~
· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

~~

The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

~~

People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~

So far this year has been insane with everything that’s happened in my professional, and personal life. I am 21 years old (F) and had been working at one of the big luxury retail brands for 2 years. At the particular location that I worked at, there were a total of 4 managers, one was the store manager, and three team managers, with one of them being someone I was pretty close with. This team manager, we’ll call her 🦁, is 39 years old (F) who is married with two children. When I first met her, I found her very attractive. Of course it was just a casual crush so I ignored it and continued with my work. After about 6 months of working there, 🦁 and I started to talk a lot more and become pretty close. Often she will talk to me about her personal life, telling me how she doesn’t love her husband and that they don’t “sleep” together to which she jokes about being like a nun. During this whole time, I took it as her being my friend and just telling me about her marriage problems. But then it started to become different. In October 2023, the talks between me and her started to become of more flirtatious nature, so much to the point that other colleagues started to notice it when me and her were speaking. The favouritism from her also became very obvious, and since she was one of the managers that had been with the company for over 10 years, she was pretty respected by our store manager as well, which helped me to become a favourite among everyone. At this point, my crush for 🦁 started to become more serious because of her treatment towards me, but I continued to try and ignore it. But then in the beginning of December, I fell for her. And I honestly don’t know exactly what happened at that moment but I just looked over at her one day, and thought to myself “wow she is beautiful” and after that moment I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The whole month of December, I couldn’t focus on anything other than her. She was all I thought about at all times. January comes around and I meet up with her for brunch on our day off, where I also met her kids. Throughout January, my feelings for her kept getting stronger and stronger, and it became harder for me to ignore them because of her continuous flirting. Especially at some points she would give hints that made it seem like my feelings weren’t one sided. At this point I told a few of my colleagues that I am very close with about the whole situation, to which they were shocked, but also confirmed that they noticed it themselves. February comes around and I decide that I won’t be able to move on from 🦁 because of her mixed signals, so I should just tell her how I feel and that way I’ll know. So I tell her that I need to speak to her about something. She says that we can meet up for coffee before work on Wednesday. Wednesday happened to be Valentine’s Day…
We met up and I told her that there was someone at work that I have gotten feelings for, but I didn’t tell her who it was yet. She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her that I wanna tell this person because that way I’ll have a definitive answer on how they feel and can move on if needed, but I was scared to tell them cause I don’t want things to get awkward between us since we are pretty close. She continues to tell me that if I think the person is mature enough, they won’t let thinking’s get awkward. 🦁 then starts to take guesses on who this person is. After saying a few different names she asks me “is it me”?, to which I nodded. She smiled, and went on to say “awe you’re so sweet, I do like you, and nothing has to change in our relationship, we can continue to hang out and be friends. She was very nice the whole time and didn’t act weird at all. After we were leaving the coffee place, I asked her if I can give her a flower for Valentine’s Day, to which she agreed, so I said I’ll get her one later. We both went to work and everything was very normal between us. Once the shift was finished, we walked to our cars together and I gave her the flower which she accepted and I also asked her to be very clear with me if I had any chance with her. To which she replied no and went on to say she sees me as a little sister and she gives me a hug. I was fine with that and knew that I can start to move on now.
A few days go by and I don’t see her since she went on a small trip. When she returned, I had gone to the store on my day off to give a gift to one of my colleagues who was going on maternity leave. When I went to the store, 🦁 was there as well, but she seemed to be avoiding me. So I didn’t speak to her but after I left I texted her asking to call me whenever she gets a chance. She calls after 3 minutes and asked what’s up, and I tell her that “I might be overthinking, but are you avoiding me?” To which she says that I am overthinking and she is not avoiding me, and assures me that everything is ok. I tell her that I need to speak to her, so she says that she’ll call me after she finishes work. Around 9:30pm she calls and asks if I want to speak over the phone or meet up. I tell her I’d rather meet up and she says let’s do Saturday before we work.
On Saturday, she texts me two hours before we’re supposed to meet with an excuse and says that we can speak in the store. But that day we didn’t get to talk in the store because it was pretty busy and there were people around. So during closing when me and 🦁 were alone in the back, I brought up that we didn’t get to talk, but she brushed me off saying that she is tired and that I should go home and sleep. At this point I got a bit annoyed and just left, but I texted her asking her to call me cause at this rate we wouldn’t be able to talk in person so might as well over the phone. But she never responded.
The next day, on Sunday, we’re both working again. This whole day she seems to be acting very strange. She still talked to me normally about work stuff but was acting different otherwise which started to bother me. This was noticed by a lot of my colleagues who even brought it up and asked what was going on between me and her. When my shift was almost finished I asked to speak to her. She agreed and we went into the fitting room in our store for privacy. I told her that I was starting to get annoyed because of the way she was acting since she keeps telling me that everything is ok between us but then is acting slightly weird and I just want her to be clear with me if she isn’t comfortable then I’ll leave her alone. She reassures me again that she is perfectly fine and that I am overthinking. She then gives excuses for her behaviour saying that she wasn’t feeling well yesterday and that she saw my text at midnight and didn’t want to call me that late and so on. I tell her that there were two things I wanted to tell to her. First was that I wanted to thank her for being very kind and understanding about my feelings. And the second was that I wanted to make it clear to her that don’t expect anything from her, if my feelings are one sided, I will move on. After which we agree that everything is ok now and I ask her for a hug. She gives me a hug but then she doesn’t pull away fully. While still holding me she says “you don’t have to worry, I do like you” and then she leans in and kisses me. At this point I am shocked and confused. But after that, she very clearly gets scared and goes on to plead that I don’t tell anyone. I was fine with the kiss and was crazy in love so I promised her that I will act like it never happened and it doesn’t have to happen again. We calm down and leave the fitting room and I am finished work at this point so as I’m about to leave I ask her, “if I text you, will you reply”, And she agrees. I didn’t end up texting her.
A few days go by and I am off from work. When I go back, I am doing opening shift and 🦁 is supposed to start an hour after me, but she doesn’t come in. Instead our store manager comes and tells me that we will have a meeting in her office. I go into the office and she has zoom open with a lady from HR who goes on to tell me that someone has filed a harassment complaint against me. They go on to ask me closed ended questions based on what 🦁 had told them. The questions were more to do with the fact that whether I confessed feelings for 🦁 or if I gave her a flower or texted her. I was so confused cause I didn’t understand how any of that was harassment. Texting was always two way, I never spammed her, she always texted me too. The flower was given with her permission and she accepted it. And developing feelings for someone is not harassment. Even our company handbook allows relationships between employees. They didn’t mention anything about the kiss which makes it obvious that 🦁 left that out. And I am stupid and was in love, I didn’t bring the kiss up either cause I wanted to protect her. Whole time during my questioning, which was only about 10 minutes, I was so uncomfortable especially cause my store manager was in the room as well and also the room is tiny. They go on to say that I am being put on leave while they “investigate”. And during that time I am not allowed to come to the store and talk to anyone that works there. They take my work phone and I leave. After I get home, I start thinking about how I didn’t even get to explain my side of things properly. All questions were so closed ended and on top of that, it happened so suddenly that I couldn’t even process it. I decide to text my store manager and ask to speak to her. She says that I can call, but then I realized that I don’t trust my store manager at all. Anything I tell her, there is no guarantee that it will be forwarded to HR. As an FYI, our store manager is probably the most hostile, and unprofessional manager I have ever worked with. No one that works at that location trusts her, as an example, she has made multiple grown employees cry in front of their clients because of her tone and way of “coaching”. Anyway, so I decide that instead I will send an email to the HR lady that I spoke to and explain my side of things more clearly. I was right in the middle of writing up the email when I get a call. It was my store manager and the HR lady on the phone, and they tell me that I am being terminated effective immediately. Apparently they “investigated” in 5 hours and made the decision that I am unsafe to work with. I tell them that I was in the middle of writing an email to explain my side of things because I didn’t get to. They respond with “the decision is final”
It has been over two months and to this day I have no idea what they are even accusing me of. Where was the harassment, I don’t even get it. Everything that happened between me and 🦁 was always consensual and two way. If HR bothered to investigate properly, they would have known this cause I told them that there are specific colleagues that know about everything that was happening. I’m sure HR hasn’t even seen the texts that were sent between me and 🦁 cause those will also prove that there was no harassment. But of course HR wanted to protect the “straight”, married, much more older, woman that has been with the company for over 10 years. Rather than me.

So far this year has been insane with everything that’s happened in my professional, and personal life. I am 21 years old (F) and had been working at one of the big luxury retail brands for 2 years. At the particular location that I worked at, there were a total of 4 managers, one was the store manager, and three team managers, with one of them being someone I was pretty close with. This team manager, we’ll call her 🦁, is 39 years old (F) who is married with two children. When I first met her, I found her very attractive. Of course it was just a casual crush so I ignored it and continued with my work. After about 6 months of working there, 🦁 and I started to talk a lot more and become pretty close. Often she will talk to me about her personal life, telling me how she doesn’t love her husband and that they don’t “sleep” together to which she jokes about being like a nun. During this whole time, I took it as her being my friend and just telling me about her marriage problems. But then it started to become different. In October 2023, the talks between me and her started to become of more flirtatious nature, so much to the point that other colleagues started to notice it when me and her were speaking. The favouritism from her also became very obvious, and since she was one of the managers that had been with the company for over 10 years, she was pretty respected by our store manager as well, which helped me to become a favourite among everyone. At this point, my crush for 🦁 started to become more serious because of her treatment towards me, but I continued to try and ignore it. But then in the beginning of December, I fell for her. And I honestly don’t know exactly what happened at that moment but I just looked over at her one day, and thought to myself “wow she is beautiful” and after that moment I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The whole month of December, I couldn’t focus on anything other than her. She was all I thought about at all times. January comes around and I meet up with her for brunch on our day off, where I also met her kids. Throughout January, my feelings for her kept getting stronger and stronger, and it became harder for me to ignore them because of her continuous flirting. Especially at some points she would give hints that made it seem like my feelings weren’t one sided. At this point I told a few of my colleagues that I am very close with about the whole situation, to which they were shocked, but also confirmed that they noticed it themselves. February comes around and I decide that I won’t be able to move on from 🦁 because of her mixed signals, so I should just tell her how I feel and that way I’ll know. So I tell her that I need to speak to her about something. She says that we can meet up for coffee before work on Wednesday. Wednesday happened to be Valentine’s Day…
We met up and I told her that there was someone at work that I have gotten feelings for, but I didn’t tell her who it was yet. She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her that I wanna tell this person because that way I’ll have a definitive answer on how they feel and can move on if needed, but I was scared to tell them cause I don’t want things to get awkward between us since we are pretty close. She continues to tell me that if I think the person is mature enough, they won’t let thinking’s get awkward. 🦁 then starts to take guesses on who this person is. After saying a few different names she asks me “is it me”?, to which I nodded. She smiled, and went on to say “awe you’re so sweet, I do like you, and nothing has to change in our relationship, we can continue to hang out and be friends. She was very nice the whole time and didn’t act weird at all. After we were leaving the coffee place, I asked her if I can give her a flower for Valentine’s Day, to which she agreed, so I said I’ll get her one later. We both went to work and everything was very normal between us. Once the shift was finished, we walked to our cars together and I gave her the flower which she accepted and I also asked her to be very clear with me if I had any chance with her. To which she replied no and went on to say she sees me as a little sister and she gives me a hug. I was fine with that and knew that I can start to move on now.
A few days go by and I don’t see her since she went on a small trip. When she returned, I had gone to the store on my day off to give a gift to one of my colleagues who was going on maternity leave. When I went to the store, 🦁 was there as well, but she seemed to be avoiding me. So I didn’t speak to her but after I left I texted her asking to call me whenever she gets a chance. She calls after 3 minutes and asked what’s up, and I tell her that “I might be overthinking, but are you avoiding me?” To which she says that I am overthinking and she is not avoiding me, and assures me that everything is ok. I tell her that I need to speak to her, so she says that she’ll call me after she finishes work. Around 9:30pm she calls and asks if I want to speak over the phone or meet up. I tell her I’d rather meet up and she says let’s do Saturday before we work.
On Saturday, she texts me two hours before we’re supposed to meet with an excuse and says that we can speak in the store. But that day we didn’t get to talk in the store because it was pretty busy and there were people around. So during closing when me and 🦁 were alone in the back, I brought up that we didn’t get to talk, but she brushed me off saying that she is tired and that I should go home and sleep. At this point I got a bit annoyed and just left, but I texted her asking her to call me cause at this rate we wouldn’t be able to talk in person so might as well over the phone. But she never responded.
The next day, on Sunday, we’re both working again. This whole day she seems to be acting very strange. She still talked to me normally about work stuff but was acting different otherwise which started to bother me. This was noticed by a lot of my colleagues who even brought it up and asked what was going on between me and her. When my shift was almost finished I asked to speak to her. She agreed and we went into the fitting room in our store for privacy. I told her that I was starting to get annoyed because of the way she was acting since she keeps telling me that everything is ok between us but then is acting slightly weird and I just want her to be clear with me if she isn’t comfortable then I’ll leave her alone. She reassures me again that she is perfectly fine and that I am overthinking. She then gives excuses for her behaviour saying that she wasn’t feeling well yesterday and that she saw my text at midnight and didn’t want to call me that late and so on. I tell her that there were two things I wanted to tell to her. First was that I wanted to thank her for being very kind and understanding about my feelings. And the second was that I wanted to make it clear to her that don’t expect anything from her, if my feelings are one sided, I will move on. After which we agree that everything is ok now and I ask her for a hug. She gives me a hug but then she doesn’t pull away fully. While still holding me she says “you don’t have to worry, I do like you” and then she leans in and kisses me. At this point I am shocked and confused. But after that, she very clearly gets scared and goes on to plead that I don’t tell anyone. I was fine with the kiss and was crazy in love so I promised her that I will act like it never happened and it doesn’t have to happen again. We calm down and leave the fitting room and I am finished work at this point so as I’m about to leave I ask her, “if I text you, will you reply”, And she agrees. I didn’t end up texting her.
A few days go by and I am off from work. When I go back, I am doing opening shift and 🦁 is supposed to start an hour after me, but she doesn’t come in. Instead our store manager comes and tells me that we will have a meeting in her office. I go into the office and she has zoom open with a lady from HR who goes on to tell me that someone has filed a harassment complaint against me. They go on to ask me closed ended questions based on what 🦁 had told them. The questions were more to do with the fact that whether I confessed feelings for 🦁 or if I gave her a flower or texted her. I was so confused cause I didn’t understand how any of that was harassment. Texting was always two way, I never spammed her, she always texted me too. The flower was given with her permission and she accepted it. And developing feelings for someone is not harassment. Even our company handbook allows relationships between employees. They didn’t mention anything about the kiss which makes it obvious that 🦁 left that out. And I am stupid and was in love, I didn’t bring the kiss up either cause I wanted to protect her. Whole time during my questioning, which was only about 10 minutes, I was so uncomfortable especially cause my store manager was in the room as well and also the room is tiny. They go on to say that I am being put on leave while they “investigate”. And during that time I am not allowed to come to the store and talk to anyone that works there. They take my work phone and I leave. After I get home, I start thinking about how I didn’t even get to explain my side of things properly. All questions were so closed ended and on top of that, it happened so suddenly that I couldn’t even process it. I decide to text my store manager and ask to speak to her. She says that I can call, but then I realized that I don’t trust my store manager at all. Anything I tell her, there is no guarantee that it will be forwarded to HR. As an FYI, our store manager is probably the most hostile, and unprofessional manager I have ever worked with. No one that works at that location trusts her, as an example, she has made multiple grown employees cry in front of their clients because of her tone and way of “coaching”. Anyway, so I decide that instead I will send an email to the HR lady that I spoke to and explain my side of things more clearly. I was right in the middle of writing up the email when I get a call. It was my store manager and the HR lady on the phone, and they tell me that I am being terminated effective immediately. Apparently they “investigated” in 5 hours and made the decision that I am unsafe to work with. I tell them that I was in the middle of writing an email to explain my side of things because I didn’t get to. They respond with “the decision is final”
It has been over two months and to this day I have no idea what they are even accusing me of. Where was the harassment, I don’t even get it. Everything that happened between me and 🦁 was always consensual and two way. If HR bothered to investigate properly, they would have known this cause I told them that there are specific colleagues that know about everything that was happening. I’m sure HR hasn’t even seen the texts that were sent between me and 🦁 cause those will also prove that there was no harassment. But of course HR wanted to protect the “straight”, married, much more older, woman that has been with the company for over 10 years. Rather than me.

Long story short I met a girl at a bar and she seemed nice. We were flirting and hanging out and it was fun. Eventually she came back to my place. Im thinking we were about to hook up because thats the energy she gave off. We then continued drinking and she ended up getting super drunk. At this point she was being very annoying and started switching up on me. Calling me names. Making fun of me. Basically just being a bully. I could have had plenty of other options but of course this girl just decides to waste my time and ruin my night.
So when she passed out drunk I took everything she came with a threw it in a storm drain up the street. Her iphone, gucci purse, she had a hard drive in there, house keys, wallet, passport. I literally hit the jack pot lol. Everything destroyed.
She woke up freaking out, at first she only noticed the phone missing. Then soon realized she had been cleaned out. I gaslit her and made her think she was so drunk she must have lost it lol. She panicked and even started to cry. She was saying how she had an important project stored on that hard drive and it would take her forever to replicate. It felt so good hearing her tears. After I “helped” her look for it for about an hour I sent her on her way.

My (24F) father-in-law (52M) is getting married next weekend to a woman he dated in high school. I’m assuming she is the same age. We will call him George and her Amanda—not their real names.
Info: George and Amanda reconnected 2 or so months ago and have been dating ever since. The two of them dated in high school during the late 80s early 90s and people who knew them then described it as extremely “volatile”. One month ago George told us via family group text—me, my husband (24M), BIL (28M) and wife (27F), & BIL (14M)—they are getting married. All 3 males are Geroge’s sons. My husband and I have a daughter (4mos) and my BIL & SIL have two children (4M & 1F). My husband and I have not met her because we live 17+ hours away, but we have spoken on the phone with her and George. We are supposed to meet her July 4th weekend. She presents herself in a nice manner every time we have FaceTimed/spoken. BIL(28) & SIL(27) + kids have met her a few times. BIL & SIL have said that she is nice and really tries to engage with them and their children. They have definitely noticed that alcohol plays a part in her social interaction. Without alcohol she is more quiet and reserved. With alcohol she is super bubbly and in the mood to chat and have fun. She is drinking most of the time they are around each other.
Issue: all adult children of George are worried because Amanda has ZERO relationship with her adult children from her previous marriage. She will NOT discuss why there is no relationship with them, and we have been told to not bring up the subject at all. She won’t tell him because she “can’t keep her story straight” and her best friend has to be the one to tell him because it is so emotional. Red flag? Something pretty bad had to have happened for them to be no contact with her. We have all picked up on the fact that Amanda probably has an alcohol problem. We suspect that alcohol/substance abuse may play a role in her relationship with her children. Amanda has planned for her and George to go stay with her best friend a week AFTER they get married so that the friend can explain what happened. Also, we have no idea why she was divorced from the father of her children. No contact and divorce go hand in hand? I feel like if you’re getting married that you should be able to talk to your partner about any and everything.
Other info: George and Amanda are not planning to live together right away because of work and my little BIL(14) living mostly with George. We’re 99% certain Amanda’s children know nothing about them getting married.
I guess the adult children’s issue is why the rush? Why is she waiting to tell you until after the marriage? We have children that will know this woman as a grandmother figure. George has a minor son still living at home. Once the information is revealed—will that change how George sees Amanda? And again, WHY THE RUSH? Marriage is a huge deal.
We 100% want George to be happy, but there are so many red flags. They are in the “puppy love” stage and have not had any big issues arise yet. If there weren’t grandchildren and a teenage son involved we wouldn’t GAF. You do you, George, but we all have a bad feeling about the marriage. It affects more than just George. We do not want to see George get divorced for a third time.
I guess my question is: are we right to be weary of the situation? Should we stress to him that he needs to know all of her “baggage” before marriage? Do we let him live and learn without speaking up?
Wedding/elopement is next Saturday.

I used to teach fitness classes up until last week. I have always been a good employee, I showed up early, I left late, I attended all of the unpaid trainings and meetings and was an enthusiastic employee. I thought I was pretty well regarded. This was a side part time job for me and not my primary form of income.
But I began to notice some things with management that made me uncomfortable. The company group chat became a dumping ground for announcing whenever someone screwed up. My phone would go off from 4am-10pm daily with messages. The required social media posting changed from 3x a week to nearly 3x per day. We started being told that if we didn’t show up for “optional” unpaid trainings that we wouldn’t be able to teach those specific classes even though the training courses were available online to do on our own time.
Then I had an incident where I client was let into my class a few minutes late, against company policy, and I received a call from my GM telling me it was unacceptable and couldn’t happen again. I’m not sure how I should have handled that situation with the late client as I was actively instructing in front of many people, but I took accountability and tried to move on. I thought the phone call was actually nice and while I knew what happened wasn’t okay I didn’t feel demeaned. About 5 minutes after that call the owner gets on the group chat with 40 other employees and calls out what happened, making it very clear I’m in BIG trouble. Written up, will be terminated if it happens again. The following morning I’m contacted by my direct managers and written up for this incident. At this point I’m just defeated, I don’t know how I was the one in the wrong but they were clearly out to make an example out of me. The following day the managers reach out and tell me they are taking one of my weekly classes away and giving it to another instructor.
Three days after this the owner of the company posts camera footage of her 7 year old son bursting into a class and causing a huge ruckus. She said things like “isn’t this so cute” and praises the instructor that was teaching for how well she handled that situation. The instructor teaching was my direct manager that JUST wrote me up.
At this point I’m just calming down from getting in trouble and trying to move on, but seeing the same thing happen and the reaction by and with management being completely the opposite set me off.
It really ripped this rose colored filter off my face about where I was working and I just kept getting more and more upset as time went on. I did not speak to management about how upset I was, and I own that I likely should have.
But I decided I was going to quit. For a side gig the pressure was too high, the unpaid commitment was too much, and the way they handle discipline was too harsh for me. I taught one more class and texted the management in a group chat letting them know I had taught my last class and I was done. Took my personal property out of the studio and put my phone on do not disturb for the first time in a year. Went home and played volleyball with my kid.
Now the owner is calling me telling me she’s baffled and doesn’t understand why I would leave and the GM is trying to call me too. Days later.
I don’t feel particularly proud about the way I left, but I also don’t feel like I acted in a way that was inappropriate to their style of management. I’m self employed and have managed people for 15 years, my business has had no turnover for 3 years! I can recognize good or bad management and I know how I would feel if an employee would do this to me, but I also know that I haven’t created an environment where my employees would feel they need to.
So Reddit, AITA? Should I have given notice or better reasoning or a phone call?
TLDR: I got written up at a job that was increasingly demanding of my time, peace and expected a ton of unpaid labor from me for a situation I had zero control over. Then publicly called out in front of my peers and punished by losing a class, therefore income. I quit with no notice over a group text.

I (23M) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for almost a year and a half. It's been complicated and stressful. Currently we're fighting all the time.
From January to March this year I was in contact with someone my bf didn't want me to talk to. Me and this person hooked up once 2 years ago before me and my bf got together. Before that I had known them since 6th grade and we talked here and there, never any flirting or relationship talk or anything. Just the one hookup and we agreed it meant nothing.
I had JUST gotten out of two back to back abusive relationships and was raped a couple weeks before we hooked up. I didn't have feelings then, I was just trying to run away from my problems. My bf asked me to block him when we got together and I did. I ended up reaching back out in January - which my bf knew about. I sent this person a long message to apologize for some of my actions/behaviors from the last time I saw them. I was holding a lot of guilt from my avoidance issues and using them to get over my trauma.
They ended up responding after a few weeks and we kept in contact for a bit. I didn't tell my bf that until March. At the time I justified it to myself that I needed a friend who wasn't my bf as we were going through a lot of issues at the time. He's very insecure, and kind of controlling. I was scared to be honest with him. When we got together he pressured me. He told me all these nice things would happen and that he wanted to protect me after the bad people I was with. I was resentful that he hasn't followed through on his promises. He's never taken me on a date, didn't even technically ask me out, won't give me any personal time which is very important to me, and shoots down every idea I have (going back to college, traveling, going to concerts and stuff, things that are very important to me). So to me, talking to my ex friend was just a way to escape the stress from my current partner.
At the time I was talking to them (and again currently...) I was reevaluating my relationship. I love my partner so much. But i see a lot of incompatibilities and at the end of the day the relationship is more stress than anything else. He reassures me it's no issue, but the reality feels different. I don't really have other friends. So talking to this person was an escape. It was a person who liked my daydreams and thought it's cool that I want to do more with my life. But I felt guilty and came clean to my partner. It didn't go well. He says I cheated on him.
The other day he read the chat thread between me and that person. There were no explicit messages. When he asked to meet up I blew him off. But my bf is so focused on a couple messages and says it's proof I was flirting. The messages were the person talking about their crush and how they got flustered, so i sent a 'boner alert' meme. The other was them asking when i get off work and if im free to hang out and i said i work 10-10 - meaning that im busy all day with no time to hang out and thats how they took it as well. There was never any intent to hook up. I never even considered it. I felt guilty the whole time which is why I told my partner. I blocked the person again a couple weeks later.
I understand if he feels that i cheated then it counts as cheating. I just don't know how to move past it. He wants to talk about it 24/7. He's been staying at my house non stop since I told him because he needs to keep an eye on me. I've literally been missing school assignments because he won't leave me alone to focus, or if i try to do homework he pouts and makes it miserable. He's constantly asking what that smell on me is when it's just the same deoderant ive been wearing for years. I'm scared to look at my phone at all because when i do he gets upset. I can't shower alone, he has my location, if i don't text him all day at work he gets mad and i already got in trouble for being on my phone. He even called my best friend and put him in the middle of a fight.
I feel like i need space. Last night he got mad at me because i wanted to put hand sanitizer on myself instead of him doing for it. Two days ago i asked him to leave and he ignored it, instead telling me i need to come hug him and that he'll drop things until we get into therapy together and that we can just have a nice time. I thought when we got together he wanted to help me with my trauma. That's what he said. I feel like he just triggers me and blames me instead. This morning hes been texting me telling me I'm not changing anything. But Friday we agreed to drop things until therapy because we can't have a productive conversation.
I feel so stuck. I feel like I'm going crazy. I didn't cheat. I know I messed up, I lied, and I was dishonest. I'm trying to make up for it. But everything i do is the wrong thing. I'm stuck and scared. I just want him to go home so i can have one night to myself where i don't have to stay up till 2 am arguing and comforting him. I haven't slept more than 5 hrs a night for a year because of him. I don't know what to do.

https://youtu.be/kKTWybNRR3Y?si=nmPCk4Ex5xKKbsdq
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/wellgotoo.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be looking at the song “We’ll Go Too” which is the seventh song from the band’s third studio album Fully Completely.
This is a song where on first listen you might not think it’s as catchy or as important as other songs on this near perfect album. But the more you listen to it, the more it starts to gel with ya. It begins with this bright chugging guitar riff that is simple but drenched in reverb, with a tone that reminds me of the 80’s. It’s followed quickly by a fast strum of a distorted guitar, Sinclair’s bass and Johnny’s hi hat. Afterwards, that distorted guitar comes down and plays some nice arpeggios to give the song dynamics. It’s a huge sounding intro and it transitions nicely into the verses. I especially love the rhythm of this song. I believe it’s in a 4/4 time signature but it definitely has a swing to the drums which gives it a march type feel to fit with the song’s title.
Lyrically, this song appears to have different themes that we’ll break down, one by one. First, Gord sings “to boldly clap, in a room full of nothing.” It’s a funny thing to imagine but I see it as someone wanting to stand out in a crowd. Which in a sense is what most performers try to do. The second part of the verse is “museum's locked and it's long since past closing” which of course reminds me of the line from “Wheat Kings” where Gord sings “ it’s a museum and we're all locked up in it after dark.”
But the following lyric in this song, “you cannot know, you cannot not know, what you're knowing” is also worth noting. Again, it’s a comical line that contradicts itself, but I read it as someone who’s maybe unsure about something because they are unsure about themselves. This whole first verse could be through the perspective of someone who’s afraid of looking like idiot for wanting to stray from a social norm and of being afraid of not knowing the way to do it.
Now when the band launch into the chorus, this is the part that took a bit to grow on me. The music during the chorus is great and I have no issues with it. It’s more the way that Gord sings the chorus that threw me for a loop. It’s the note and more specially the way that Gord sings the word “what.” To my ears at first, the note just seemed a little wrong or a little off. It almost sticks out like a sore thumb. I’m not sure if that’s just a “me” thing or if that’s what Gord intention was. But now I have no issues with it and in fact I think the melody is extremely catchy now.
And lyrically, I think this chorus is from a similar perspective. Gord sings “what can we do? They’ve all gone and we’ll go too.” This sounds like someone, or a group of people, realizing that they can’t do anything to make themselves stand out so they’ll just follow everyone else. So if the crowd goes, then they will too. And it’s possible that this chorus is sung from the same person in the verse. Maybe this is them realizing they just have to follow the norm. And speaking of following things, I absolutely love the little guitar riff that follows the chorus. It’s fun, playful and really fits the vibe of the song. It starts off with some slower picking before doing some nice hammering ons to make it more bouncy.
In the second verse, Gord starts off by painting a picture of opening the curtains everyday as if he’s stuck in a routine. The real telling line to me is “I don’t know why, I’m so immunized against reforming.” It’s like this person is not sure why they are against the idea of making a change. It seems like they don’t want to follow the herd but can’t help themselves. The lyric “to coldly slap at a face full of nothing” is a nice counter balance to the very first line in the song. And the lyric “You never know, it could've been one of those looks of longing” is maybe the idea that this person is looking for the look on someone else’s face that tells them that they aren’t alone in feeling this way.
After another chorus we get this extremely tasty solo from Rob. It’s not overly long or self indulgent, but it has the perfect amount of delay to sound huge and still fit the song. Coming out of the solo we get one final chorus and one final guitar riff to end the song.
This song may be one that a lot of people skipped over on the first listen to this album. I know I was one of those people. But over the years it’s actually become one of my favorites. I feel like this song has a different sound than a lot of other Hip songs. The pocket that Sinclair and Johnny play in is extremely tight, the various licks that Rob and Paul play throughout the song really work well within in the groove, the production is perfect like the rest of the album and the lyrics feel relatable once you peel back their layers.
But what do you think of this song? Would you considered this song a deep cut? What do you think the song is about? Favorite lyrical or musical moments? And have you seen this song live?

Three years ago, I (44f) was pregnant with my 4th child with my spouse (32 MtF) when she came out to me that she is trans. We had a very solid relationship and I helped take her to doctors appointments for her transition. She decided that we couldn’t stay in our state because she wouldn’t be able to find work as a trans woman, so we moved the family 3000 miles across the country. Once here, she worked full-time, and had evening school. She doesn’t drive, so I was taking her to her appointments, hair removal, support groups. She even started networking and making friends. It caused a lot of friction, among other things but basically my mental health was suffering because I never had the opportunity to make my own friends, nor have I ever been invited out with hers. I have been socially isolated for 3 years.
Two weeks ago she was getting out of bed and smiling at her phone, then held it to her chest guarding it. I felt something was off, said as much and asked if I could see her phone. She said “no” in a mocking tone I have never heard before and left. That night was a huge fight. I asked her why we weren’t getting marriage counseling like I’ve asked and she said her therapist was against it. I asked her to switch therapists because that is insane. She refused.
The next day she had therapy and I read that sometimes spouses with speak with the therapist of their spouse so I asked if I could. Without hesitation, she said yes. I thought it was strange because my wife doesn’t like having her flaws exposed and was expecting her to ask me why or what I was going to say. Instead, 5 minutes before the zoom she gaslit me by asking if she could stay with a woman I have never really been comfortable with if she doesn’t feel “safe” with me. (She’s been saying she doesn’t feel safe with me often lately and more and more each day. I am confused.) I recognized how sinister this was; she was trying to upset me before therapy. I remained calm, asked the therapist why he was against marriage counseling for us and found it was actually my wife that didn’t want it. I got off the phone and called my sister to book me a hotel. I felt scared.
The next day I came home and she and I made up, even had makeup sex because I fell for her lovebombing.
The next day, we were still good. Until I hit a tree root growing in the street and popped my tire. I asked her to help since she controls the finances and she was unwilling. She finally got us a tow, but then I was upset because we fight a lot about her not making an effort to be there when I need her. She then stopped messaging me, which is unlike her. I texted asking why she’s being so cruel. I waited for her to show up at home to talk. She came with a cop and an ambulance and told me I need to admit myself for a 72 hour psych hold. Confused, I walked to the police car and the officer asked if I’m ok. I told them besides utterly confused, yes, I’m fine.
In shock,I left to take some rescue cats to a lady I’m working with and just cried. I told her I don’t know what my wife is trying to do. I came back home and my wife was mad at me, except when she saw me talking to the neighbors, then she was sickeningly sweet. I went to bed in a separate room that night and around 11:30 I woke to her standing over me. She said she needed a charger, but I know now she was trying to see if I was asleep. I was in and out of sleep and went to the bathroom at 1:30. I noticed my wife was gone and the door was unlocked. I assumed she went to the home of the woman she mentioned and locked the door and went to bed. She called me at 2 am and told me I locked her out. I unlocked it and went back to bed, ignoring her attempts to engage me.
The next morning I started to drive my children to school and my back tire immediately flattened. I got out and looked, and there was a screw in it. I immediately thought that it was from her being outside at 1 am and she was trying to get a reaction from me to call another psych bus. I drove on the rim to a tire place, got it changed, and went to my doctors appointment where I documented I think I’m being psychologically abused.
Around noon she said she was coming home to talk. I saw her approaching the house with a very intimidating looking 6’4” trans woman. The woman introduced herself as my wife’s penpal of 3 months, that she was a carpenter and had her tools with her to fix things around my house. (I imagine a lot of screws.) My wife told me that this woman made a 6 hour drive in the middle of the night to walk around the neighborhood with her and smoke pot. The woman then starts to tell me I need to leave my home. That my wife and I need time apart. I play nice because I’m scared, but tell them I can’t because I have nowhere to go. My wife finds a piece of paper with DV hotlines on it that I got from my doctor and her demeanor when from sunny to dark. When she was alone with me, she was the same wife I married, loving, wanting to work on our marriage. Around this woman, she needs time apart. They left the house after dinner to stay at a house the woman rented and do mushrooms. I didn’t hear from her again. My adult son called to see how I was doing and I said good, wife is spending the night with some strange woman while I’m here with the kids. He was livid. “Mom! She’s been telling us (he and my adult daughter) that you are a danger to the kids and suicidal! Why did she leave you alone?!”
The next day my adult daughter begged me to come pick her up from college because “something is weird and [wife] isn’t acting normal. No one can get a hold of my wife. I drove the 1.5 hour drive to get my daughter with my other 4 kids in the car. My wife called my daughter around 6 to say she, the strange woman, and the other woman were at the house waiting for me. My daughter was frightened and didn’t want to go home. We got home and my wife and the woman were in her car across the street. My wife was crying and the woman was smirking at us. They drove off immediately. No sooner did I get in my home did the police knock on my door and tell me I have an abuse prevention order and I have to leave.
As we were leaving my daughter started sobbing and confessed my wife had been texting her that I am a danger to myself and the family for months. My daughter knew about this woman and was threatened not to tell me or I would ha everyone. She told me how my wife told her that she was going to have me committed and take the kids to raise with this woman while I “got help.” My daughter is processing enormous guilt right now.
She cut my bank account so I can’t eat or get a hotel. My daughter is staying at the house because after being with me the majority of the time, she can’t any longer because I have no money for hotels. I’ve spent what friends and family could send. I gave her the key to the house and she told me the locks have been changed. My wife has also relinquished the family dogs to the humane society. She has been going to work and leaving my two year old with a stranger she just met in person last Thursday (I stayed home with the baby and was her only caregiver.)
The woman left on Friday to go back down to be with her wife, but apparently coming back on Monday to stay at my house.
I have court on Tuesday. Please help, I am so scared they will take my kids.

My bf and I got back together after being separated for about 3 months. He told me he went on 2 dates with a girl (and also had sex with said girl) he met while we were separated. When we got back together, she was still texting him and he was replying, from what I saw and what he told me, with very short and not super engaging responses. He told me he didn’t want to be rude to her and that she would eventually get the hint and she would cease communication. I eventually told him to tell her he has a gf and to stop reaching out to him. Over the course of the next couple of months I would occasionally ask him if she had ever reached out. He said no. This morning I went on his phone to look for an email about a package delivery and when I went to close out of the tab I saw his call log and it said he had FaceTime with this girl a few days ago. He told me nothing was going on between them and that he was just trying to be a friend to her as she was telling him about a client she had that day. He was just trying to be a “friend” to her as he is just a “nice guy” and kept telling me she knew he had a gf. AIO for getting so upset about this?

Hi, I'm Alexander, or just Alex for short. I'm 20 years old and I live in Germany. I'm currently learning to become a nursery teacher, after that I so want to study something along the lines of psychology or something.
Something about me, I love reading as well as listening to music. My main genre is rock and metal. I also love taking walks, going to the gym and I love gaming on PC, PS4, Switch and even on my phone lol. I'm also 6'5 if it's somehow important to you.
I don't really care what you look like as long as you are a respectful and nice person. I would also appreciate a few info's on you if you decide to hit me up. Who knows maybe we'll end up a happy couple hehe
That's it from me, I'm looking forward to reading your message ^{^}

My mom is mad at me because I accepted this woman’s phone number.
I (19M) was on a flight to where my parents live.
I have my arm in a sling right now due to an injury. I am also on the taller side and flights can be hell. I decided to take my painkiller and muscle relaxer on the flight. I have been prescribed by my doctor to take them together at night time only.. so this in itself wasn’t an issue.
I sat next to a woman (I think 37+ years old). We did brief intros. She seemed nice. I took my meds and put my headphones on and passed out. When I woke up 3 hours were left in the flight. I woke up because she spilled her drink. Her drink spilled on my sling and some of my pants. She was trying to clean it off my arm and it woke me. She was very apologetic about it. The drink was red wine. I was wearing a grey crew neck and matching sweatpants so the drink stained them. It didn’t stain my sling because it was black but it smelled like wine lol.
I told her it’s ok and we tried to clean it with wipes as best as we could. The splatter stains were impossible to remove from my clothes but it wasn’t a lot. She still insisted on taking my number to pay for dry cleaning my clothes.
I’ve never dry cleaned anything in my life .. I told her don’t worry about it. She continued to insist so I accepted. I mostly just took her number so she would move on and stop apologizing and insisting.
She texted me after we got off the plane. We have bantered in friendly texts back and forth since..
My mom noticed so I told my mom about the incident. My parents think it was inappropriate to accept her number and she shouldn’t have given it to me.
Is it?

The bright yellow terror

‘’Every now and then I would stare at the murky brown water below and see several small glimpses of bright yellow popping up from and then retreating down below the surface in rhythmic fashion. Like a dance routine. Bright deadly yellow. The rotting sweet stench of death still lodged in my nostrils.’’
I had happened upon these diary pages by mistake when I was digging through old boxes in my basement. My wife had insisted, finally, that I sort out and get rid of everything I didn’t need. Now here I was, confronted with a part of my past I had tried to suppress unsuccessfully for so many years. 24 years to be exact. 24 odd years of trying to understand what exactly happened in those days when I was trapped on a rooftop in Phuket during a deadly and disastrous natural catastrophe.
24 odd years of having to dodge around questions of my abject and unwavering fear of the ocean. Well, in truth, I guess being caught in a large tsunami and witnessing immense destructive forces of nature coming directly from the great wide ocean would be a fair excuse, but it was only half the truth. It wasn’t just the waves themselves that had terrified me.
Until now, I thought the water damaged remains of the diary I kept back then was lost. I even hoped it was. I never shared this story with anyone. Partly because the horror was too fresh in my memory back then and I wanted to focus on moving on with my life and by the time I felt my mind was stabilized I had no real interest in returning to that dark part of my past. Partly because the right words always escaped me.
Mostly because I was afraid people would think I was insane. I can no longer contain this, however. I need an outlet. I spend years running from it. But I guess I can’t lie to myself anymore. Someone once told me that writing can be therapeutic. Simply putting your thoughts down on paper, or in our times, more likely in word document, can help you compartmentalize trauma. So, I’m giving it a try. I can’t pretend the events of those days in Phuket didn’t cast a shadow over everything in my life that came after.
I often think of the beach days I missed with my son when he was a boy. Days where I should’ve done dad stuff. Thrown him into the ocean. Watched him laugh his little face of as he braved the waves. Helped him build sandcastles. Gone exploring along the sandy shores in search of beached treasure in the form little rocks and the odd piece of amber. I just couldn’t. Initially I had objected to the idea of him going at all. Naturally, my wife would hear none of that and I realized reluctantly, that my fear and trauma should not rule my son’s life. Instead, my wife would go, and I would always stay home. She understood, to some degree, what I had gone through and where my fear came from.
Only to some degree. My son did not, and I fear he resented my absence on those perfect sunny days, despite my efforts to make up for it with other activities. Both he and my wife certainly noticed how closed off I was about certain parts of my past. Secrets untold, especially those who are grounded in trauma, almost inevitably turns to toxic in our systems. I’m finally ready. I just hope it isn’t too late.
I won’t lie. I’ve always had a vivid imagination although I have never had trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. At least until my sense of reality was forever challenged. I know these things happened to me. I know what I saw and what I experienced was real. I just don’t have a truly rational explanation for it. Yet, I swear, there was something in the water that came with that tsunami. Something deeply, deeply unnatural. Something brightly and oddly yellow. I had no other word for it than the bright yellow terror.
I had travelled to Thailand, more precisely Bangkok late December 2000. 19 years old about to turn 20. I was on one of those infamous and increasingly popular self-discovery trips. I had caught the fever. Like so many other young hopeful adventurers at the time I had seen The Beach. I had read into the wild by Jon Krakauer.
I watched Dicaprio walk the sandy shores of paradise and read on in excitement and awe as Christopher McCandles set out to become one with nature and discover himself. Kill the false being within and all that. In simple terms, I thought I’d try and find my own slice of heaven on earth. Expand my horizon. Get to know some new people. Learn something about myself in the process perhaps. I wasn’t exactly fleeing from anything, that wasn’t it. I had a loving although cuddling and overprotective family. Especially my mom would worry about me constantly (and still does).
Yes, I admit it. My parents had paved the way for me at almost every step. Made sure I got into the right schools. Made sure I never needed for money. I guess I got tired of feeling dependent on them. I stopped taking their money and saved up for the trip myself. It was time I stepped up. It was time I threw myself into the world to see what would happen. Hell of a time and place I picked for that.
The following story is based on the surviving pages of the diary I kept during the time and my own memory.
Bangkok 23rd December 2000. 4 days before the tsunami.
‘’My first day in Bangkok. Quite overwhelming but in a nice way. No one here to save me. No one here to tell me what to do. Thailand is hot and humid and there’s something in the air. I think it’s adventure. I think it’s limitless opportunity. I met a monkey in a diaper and got thoroughly beaten and lost 100 bath in a game of connect four by some 10-year-old kid. Got scammed as well though, I will have to wise up and learn the ropes. Avoid the yellow taxis. Go for the Tuk Tuks. Well, lesson learned. I met a guy who told me all kinds of terrifying things about Australia. Robert. I’m meeting him in Phuket a couple of days from now.’’
You could probably imagine the excitement bubbling within me. For the first time on my own. 19 years old. Prime of my life. In a strangely new and exotic city. Possibilities seemed endless. I still remember vividly driving off with the wind in my hair in a tuk-tuk as Bangkok unfolded before me with all its oriental mysticism and surrounding cityscapes. To be fair, I had never even seen an honest to god palm tree before as they simply couldn’t grow in the northern climate I was from.
I got myself stationed in a decent guesthouse around Khaosan Road. Everywhere I looked it seems others had gotten the same idea as me. Backpackers littered the streets and in a strange way, I felt at home amidst this quiet chaos, amidst the crowds of hopefully likeminded explorers, far, far away from home. The humidity was hitting me though, it was something I would have to get used to. It felt like a wet hot invisible blanket. Khaosan Road was perfect for me. A meeting place for young backpackers, with tons of opportunities to plan further travels. I did after all, not plan on staying in Bangkok for too long. It was just a stepping point to other adventures.
It was still early, and the humidity was clammy as hell. I was in the mood to socialize and with no real plans I simply ventured out into the streets of Bangkok, circling around the area where my guesthouse was located. It wasn’t long before the first opportunity presented itself in the form of a taxi driver calling me over. He offered to take me on a tour of the city. Foolish and naïve as I was, I indulged him. I remember how the cab driver lit up a doobie, joint, spliff, devil’s lettuce whatever you want to call it.
You know it as soon as you breathe in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I smoked myself, but letting a clearly high person drive me around the busy Bangkok traffic did not seem like a good idea. I should probably have asked to be let out that very moment, but as the kind of timid, shy type of person I was plus the desire to just go along with whatever happened come what may made me stay. Unsurprisingly I was eventually led to a store, fitted for a suit a didn’t want, and then subsequently charged an obscene amount for the cab ride. I didn’t have the courage to refuse his unreasonable demand. Noteworthy mention. That same night I heard from a fellow traveler that just recently someone had been stabbed in an argument with a cab driver. I didn’t let it get me down or drive me off course, because as you’ve probably gathered by now, I didn’t have a course.
As day turned to night and when the sun’s rays slowly disappeared behind the rooftops of Bangkok, the city itself began to transform. As if a part of it which had laid dormant, hidden away from the light, started to emerge.
Neon lights advertising different bars, people making all kinds of promises of untold pleasures and sensations. Tourists ready to party. All now filled the streets. Some seemed all too aware of what they were looking for, others simply drifted around aimlessly, in search of something unknown, something to spice up their existence. I found a small seemingly cool place called The Hangover. I swear to god, I wish to this day I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t have set my course for Phuket. In any case, I went in and pushed myself through the crowds of rowdy and loud tourists and up the bar where I ordered a Pina Colada. Please don’t judge me. I just really like coconuts and the song is pretty good as well. Standing at the crowded bar and looking around, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. But most of all, I was hoping someone would just take the first step and come talk to me.
Someone did. His name was Robert, and he was from Australia. A tall skinny and no-nonsense older guy who seemed quite experienced with all things Thailand. He eventually invited me down to his group of friends at the far back end of the bar. Robert spared no time telling me about himself. He had worked all kinds of jobs, in all kinds of places. Most recently he had worked as a guide in Phuket. Among other things he had arranged rock climbing expeditions. I probably forgot to mention, I was big into rock climbing and generally all kinds of outdoor activities back then.
I already had quite the climbing experience despite my young age. As Robert talked about all the places he’d been, he made me feel like the novice I was. That was never his intention though, as I quickly learned. He wasn’t a bragger. He just knew what he was talking about and when he laughed, he did it with his entire face and in a way that made you laugh with him and feel comfortable.
Eventually the conversation naturally gravitated towards Australia. A place I had always wanted to visit. He looked at me for a second, as if to contemplate something. Then told me to watch out for locals trying to play pranks on me. I was naturally interested in hearing more and that’s when he told me about drop bears. Supposedly drop bears are carnivorous versions of Koalas residing in trees to then drop down on unsuspecting victims and viciously attack them. We laughed quite a lot, and I admitted I would probably have believed the stories as I was a fairly naive person and the idea of hostile subspecies of koalas didn’t seem that farfetched to me. It would be typical of past me to get punked around like that. Our conversation then shifted towards Australian wildlife and fauna and the horrors residing within its diverse and complicated eco system. He told me about a plant not uncommonly referred to as the suicide plant. Dendrocnide moroides or more commonly known as stinging tree, stinging bush or gympie gympie apparently has such a nasty and painful sting it made a man commit suicide simply to escape the pain. Another dangerous inhabitant was the box jellyfish he explained.
Their sting was about as deadly as it gets. A single sting to a human will cause necrosis of the skin, excruciating pain and, if the dose of venom is large enough, cardiac arrest and death within minutes. I have always found jellyfish equal parts fascinating and equal parts frightening. Beautiful but deadly creatures. In fact, the ocean, in all its grand wide-reaching glory had always horrified me to some extent. So much unexplored space. Who truly knows what could be lurking down there? Robert quickly assured me, that as long as you take your precaution the likelihood of getting stung by a box jellyfish was rather small. They had signs up warning people against them. Generally, do not ignore these signs. They are there for a good reason.
It was getting late and before we said our goodbyes Robert suggested I meet him in Phuket, more precisely in the Khao Lak area on the 28^th as that was the first day he would be able to. I thought why not? He seemed genuinely nice and knowledgeable. Just good company all around and he promised to show me the greatest climbing spots a bit away from the crowded tours. It was a start.
I would never meet Robert again. I don’t know what happened to him. Thinking back on those days leading up to the point the waves came crashing down always gives me an uneasy, sad, and melancholic feeling. The people I met in Bangkok talking about going south. Those I met in Phuket before it happened. I have no idea if they ended up as corpses floating through the murky brown waters or god forbid, victims of that unholy terror from the deep. I hope Robert wasn’t among those unfortunate souls who died or went… ‘’Missing’’. Although if I must pick one or the other. I would hope he died quickly.
Bangkok 24^th of December 2000. 3 days before the tsunami.
I woke up with a slight hangover. Christmas is commonly celebrated on this date in my country, so I was expecting some calls to go through on my brick sized Nokia at some point once all the good folks back home woke up. They were about 5 hours behind me and at 9 AM Bangkok time they would still be sleeping. I used the time to do some shopping before my trip to Phuket. I got plenty of rope, a couple of snap hooks and a harness. I knew they’d have all of this on the guided tours, but I liked to find my own spots to climb, and I had good sense and knowledge enough to not attempt anything too daring. By the way. For those uninitiated, snap hooks are used to make a quick, reversible connection on a system of ropes, or to connect a rope or cord to another component, like a lanyard medallion or barrier post. Essential if you want to go climbing. If you’ve ever gone ziplining it’s the thing that connects you safely to the zipline and lets you slight across.
After having done my shopping, I bought a bus ticket to Phuket intending on leaving that same night and went back to my hotel room. As exciting as Bangkok was, I felt it was more for people intend on partying and in all honesty, a bit too crowded for me. I was excited to move on and I could always come back if I wanted to. On my way into the reception area, I was stopped by a young hip looking dude looking for a cigarette. Now I don’t necessarily consider myself a perfect judge of character, but he had an easy-going way about him that immediately drew me in. Sometimes, you can just tell.
He had sort of a rugged look about him. Dirty blond half-long hair. His face I would best describe as boyish but something in his eyes betrayed him and revealed his age to be older than you would assume. His style was… Boheme I guess I would describe it as. Like something taken out of the 70s LA scene. I’m not a smoker. Never was. So, I couldn’t help him on that front. It didn’t matter he would find someone else he said. For a while we just casually talked. Apparently, he had come to Bangkok just a few days prior and seemed about as lost and without direction as I had been before deciding on taking my chances in Phuket. Alex was his name, and he would later save my life and help me understand what it means to forge a quick and unbreakable connection through shared trauma, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and get a beer. I thought why not? He was about my age and on his own as well. I told him I had to go make some calls and I’d be out in about an hour. Back the hotel room I quickly gathered all my stuff and packed it up, so it was ready to go. My climbing gear took up the most space. I figured if things went well with Alex, I might be able to persuade him in joining me at some point in Phuket. Even though I had set out for this trip to be about discovering myself and being on my own, I longed for some kind of company. Don’t we all? I called my parents up and we wished each other a happy Christmas. It was odd to think they were somewhere nearly half-way across the world celebrating Christmas while snow draped the landscapes there. Here I was, In hot and humid paradise. No, I did not miss the cold or the snow, but I did miss not being there to celebrate the holidays with my family. But it had been my choice to go during the holiday season and I did not regret it. I had saved up enough money and there was no point in waiting anymore. There would be many other holidays to celebrate in the future.
My 5-year-old nephew somehow got a hold of the phone. Not quite the conversationalist yet, it still felt good to hear his voice. Hearing his excitement over the prospect of celebrating Christmas brought me back to my own childhood. Decorating the Christmas tree, watching holiday cartoons and of course, opening presents. I finished my calls and went out to see if Alex was ready. He was already waiting for me and had apparently managed to score some cigarettes in the meantime. He had changed his outfit as well. Now wearing a faded black doors t-shirt. We talked a bit about Jim Morrison and the doors as we headed off down streets. We passed a myriad of small stands selling everything from electronics to colorful t-shirts and small bracelets with campy misspelled English catchphrases. We dodged the many intrusive offers and eventually found a small comfy looking bar with seats outside shaded by palm trees. We ordered a couple of beers and the conversation started flowing along quite nicely. Alex was 25 and from London It turned out. We also had a common interest in music. For a while he had busked as a street musician while working odd jobs here and there and had eventually decided to travel the world.
His first stop had been India where for a while he had lived on the rooftop of some abandoned building while attempting to learn the art of playing the sitar. I thought about that for a second. Living it rough on some rooftop in India. I don’t know why that idea intrigued me so much. Seemed like freedom to me, I guess. Sleeping under the wide-open skies. Looking down on the streets and watching people go about their lives. I guess I just liked the idea of doing something that seemed different from what I had ever done before. Living on a rooftop, if even just for a while, was definitely not something I had done before. There was the view as well, Alex reminded me. And it was free of course. We drifted off into long conversations about music I won’t bore you too much with, only to let you know we shared a passion for old school music like the doors and Jimi Hendrix as well as 90s shoegaze music like My Bloody Valentine, Ride and Slowdive. I had Slowdive’s Shine playing in my mind that day. All felt so dreamy at the time.
I eventually told Alex of my plans to go to Phuket and he was onboard almost immediately. I loved how easy it was here on the road. There was no ‘’well maybe’’, or ‘’let’s think about it.’’ In fact, Alex had been to Phuket before and knew of a place we could stay for free. Another rooftop of course, but he had already sold me on the idea. From there, we could plan our next step he said. ‘’our next step’’ I don’t remember vibing with someone that quickly before or since, but then I guess making friends is always easier when you’re young and easy going. I always seemed to attract good company without much effort back then. I chalk it down to my friendly and slightly shy demeanor. Seems it only becomes harder to make friends as the years pass though. At least for me it did.
We got a bus ticket for Alex and shopped a bit more. I got some first aid supplies. Bandages, plasters, that kind of stuff. Rock climbing is safe, mind you, but you can end up scraping yourself and I felt in general, being prepared for whatever might be a good idea if I was to live it rough on some rooftop. The bus-ride to Phuket took about 12 hours give or take. By going at night, we could sleep most of the way and be in Phuket early morning on the 25^th. The trip down was uneventful. We would take turns listening to music on Alex’s Walkman or talk about things we saw along the way. Like roadside bars and restaurants who were little more than a tin roof covering a few plastic chairs and brightly colored menu cards. Everything seemed simpler here, in the best ways possible.
No big flash, no fanfares or luxury. Nothing pretentious. Just a calm, laid back atmosphere and friendly smiles from the locals as we passed by. Alex told me he wanted to start a band blending elements of Shoegaze with classic rock and insisted I learn to play the drums as he had tried but found no luck. String instruments were more him he told me. I told him jokingly if he could come up with a good name, I might be down. He just nodded and looked out the window and started talking about how beef was a rare and more expensive ingredient in Thai cuisine, and I wondered about the sudden random change of subject. Although we had talked a lot during the short time we had known each other, Alex was still a mystery to me in many ways. Judging from all the things he told me he seemed like a person who dreamed big, but never really followed through
An unfinished education. Scribbles on pieces of paper that ended up gathering dust in his drawer instead of turning into a book. A band that never really took off because he lost interest or didn’t deem that it was good enough to get successful. He talked at length about leaving a legacy. It seemed to be something that concerned him. I guess he wanted to put his mark on the world. To be remembered. To live on in some small way. I had never really thought about it myself although I did have a fascination with historical people and the lives they lived. In fact, when I do read I mostly read biographies. I just never had any ambition like that myself. I don’t need the world to know my name, or sing my praises, or remember me. Good friends, family and a sense of freedom and adventure was enough. I had tried to ask Alex about his family and friends back home, but he seemed avoidant and always found a way to change the subject without really providing any meaningful information. At certain points, I sensed a carefully hidden sadness behind his otherwise optimistically youthful and bright blue gaze.
Phuket 25^th of December 2000. 2 days before the tsunami.
Alex woke me up. It was 9 AM and we had arrived at the Phuket bus terminal 1 near Phang Nga Road. We were here. Alex explained to me that the there were several derelict and abandoned buildings perfect for establishing a free of charge rooftop domicile in an area not too far from the resorts of Khao Lak. Phuket back then wasn’t exactly the overcrowded tourist spot it is today, but it was well on the way. I understood why. The scenery was beautiful. Long sandy beaches with small island dots in the horizon, begging to be explored. Giant limestone cliffs covered in green shrubs. It did seem like paradise to me, without being too far away from civilization. I guess despite my adventurous nature, I wasn’t quite ready at that point, to walk into the wild, which is why Khao Lak seemed perfect as a start for me.
We found the area Alex had talked about. Several derelict buildings were concentrated in a small area divided by a main street that if followed long enough, led to an area with shops and places to dine. We set our eyes on what looked like an abandoned apartment complex. It was derelict, rugged looking and it seemed clear at first that no one lived there. Its ghostly façade begged us inside to explore and we accepted the invitation. As we made our way in, through a busted window in the back, we quickly became aware that the place might not be as abandoned as we had initially thought. Several signs of squatters such as cooking utensils and sleeping mats lay scattered here and there. Alex quickly rationalized that it could just be other backpackers, or it could be the people had moved on. I shrugged and we decided to make our way to the roof. We made our way to the top floor and accessed a broken-down door that led directly out onto the roof. I must admit, besides excitement, I was somewhat hesitant. Any doubt I had disappeared when we first stepped onto the rooftop terrace. It was perfect. It seemed it had functioned as a balcony or space of sorts the inhabitants could make use of for gatherings.
The entire space was surrounded by a fence. Several palm trees shaded the northwest corner which was perfect for when things got too hot. In the middle a small shed or janitorial sort of building stood. We found some cleaning materials, brooms, some parasols in there as well as an old rusty grill. The view was great. We could see the large beachfront in the far distance surrounded by limestones. After inspecting the area and finding it to our liking we sat down, and Alex broke out a bottle of whiskey. Unaware of the horror that would later unfold here, we celebrated in the shade of the palm trees. We had found our place for a while. Our place.
After a while we decided to put some money in the local economy and shop for supplies.
Essentials: Water. Cigarettes. Booze. The devil’s lettuce. Cooking utensils. Although none of us was admittedly any much of a cook. But what the hell. Can’t be seen dining out every night when we were trying to live off the fat of the land so to speak. I know, ridiculous. We were squatters. Nothing more. But heck, we would move on if we became a problem for any one here. We weren’t trying to be a bother.
Optional but greatly wanted: A blow-up animal mascot. Maybe a dolphin if possible. Some new music for Alex’s walk-man. A guitar. Decorating artifacts of any kind to make our domicile more personal.
We more or less got everything we needed and started setting up base. Getting our hands on something funny to smoke proved the biggest challenge but Alex finally succeeded at a beachfront bar. Some friendly Norwegian dude who had connections apparently. He warned us against being too open about doing drugs, even if was ‘’just’’ marijuana. Thailand had a strict approach to drugs. We thanked him and he told us to just come back here at the bar if we needed more, he was usually around.
Afternoon was rolling around and there we were. Sitting atop Phuket. On our very own rooftop presidential suite. We decorated the place with a few things we found. Among them ‘’Arthur’’ our blow-up shark (they had no dolphins). Alex had come up with the name, I asked him why ‘’Arthur’’ but in what I had quickly come to know as typical Alex fashion he just shrugged it off. We just smoked a bit and drank some booze as the evening progressed and I told Alex about Robert and Australia and all the nasty things that could kill you there. I’m not sure why, but it had made an impression on me. Insects, rare poisonous creatures, stuff like that was nightmare fuel for me. Don’t even get me started on spiders. Alex was a bit more laid back on that front. He seemed most amused and interested in the suicide plant and wondered if some poor soul had ever mistakenly used it as toilet paper and we had a good hard chuckle over that idea. Poor soul indeed.
As night rolled on stars started popping up on a clear night the sky and I learned that Alex had a fascination with the universe. Particularly the idea of multiverses and infinite universes. What if somewhere out there we were looking back at ourselves. Slightly different but still us. Sometimes it seemed to me he longed to be anywhere else but where he was. Maybe trapped in the past he was so reluctant to share with me. Then we started talking about time. I don’t exactly remember why. I think he brought it up.
Anyway, Alex had a lot to say about time. Like how he believed our perception of time is tied to our experiences. For example, someone who spends their life not stepping up, not really taking risks or chances, just following along the stream, just following the routine, in essence, just killing time, might experience time as having moved fast when they look back, because there are simply less variety, less volume, less memories to look back on. We don’t remember routines, we remember breaking them, we remember doing new things, meeting new people, being in new places. It creates the illusion that gives time volume, that makes it seem fuller, longer. I liked that idea a lot. It made sense to me. Make sure you live life to the fullest and waste as little time as possible.
I told him about my 10^th grade math teacher and how he said something about time I will never forget. Our perception of time can be measured mathematically. For example, to a 4-year-old turning 5 the transition of a year will seem much longer than it will to a 24-year-old turning 25. Because 1 in 5 is a larger fraction than 1 in 25. It blew my mind. The longer you live, the faster time seem to pass. But I agreed with him, maybe the quality and variety of the life you live and the memories you make has an affect too. Alex made a ‘’boom’’ motion with his hands around his head and laughed. We were quite stoned at that point and well, some of you might know how being stoned sometimes throws you into these philosophical conversations. It was nice. I enjoyed the ease with which I could talk to Alex about all kinds of things.
At one point I asked him a hypothetical. If he could go back in time and change just one thing, what would he do. He fell silent. I once again sensed the sadness creeping behind his eyes. It was if he was about to answer, like he was sizing me up but then shot the idea down. Time travel is impossible, so why bother was his only response and I accepted that whatever troubled him in the past, was not for me to know even if my interest only grew stronger and stronger.
I told him about my family. My overprotective mother. My father and his desperate attempts to get me interested in cars. About my older sister and my nephew. Alex nodded and asked the usual polite questions. When the subject came to my little brother his interest seemed to spark significantly. How old was he? Was I good older brother? Did I look out for him? I didn’t think much about it at the time other than finding it curious how interested he seemed to be. When we finally settled in the for night, under the starry sky, I slipped into a nightmare. It was the same I had had years earlier when I was 16. Back then I was having a hard time adjusting to the new school I had started at and maybe because of that stress I was having nightmares coupled with sleep paralysis.
I would lie in my bed, paralyzed. On my side, facing the door to my room. I often had the light on outside of the room and it would shine in through the open door. This one time , I saw dark figure approaching. Optimistically I assumed it was my mom, coming to wake me up. Although as the dark figure approached, I quickly realized this wasn’t so. No words were uttered. The eerie figure just slowly came closer, until it was right by my bed side. It sat down and I realized it was an old woman or man. It was hard to tell, because its face was literally just a mish mash of wrinkled flesh. No eyes and no mouth either. But it mumbled through its mouthless face. Speaking in tongues.
I spent some considerable time afterwards wondering what it could have been trying to communicate to me. I know of course, this was all just my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, that experience was, I suppose, my first nudge towards believing there’s more between heaven and earth than we might know. It seemed aggressive in any case. My insides were screaming as I desperately tried to wiggle myself awake as I had sometimes successfully done during paralysis. I eventually woke up. Drenched in sweat. Back then though, I had actually been in my room, and in the dream the room had stood clearly for me as it actually looked in reality which only made it seem more real. This time, I woke up next to Alex, still drenched in sweat. Alex had woken up. I had screamed in my sleep apparently. He comforted me in an almost brotherly show of affection. It took me by surprise a bit. I appreciated it, though it only made me wonder about him even more. I would have to solve the mystery behind Alex I decided. I would have to truly gain his trust. Figure him out. And I did.
Phuket 26^th of December 2000. 1 day before the tsunami.
‘’Alex played the guitar a bit and I drummed up some beats. It needed some work, but not half bad. We came up with a name for our band to be as well. Subway sleepers. Based on Alex’s time sleeping in the subway of London. It was another hot perfect day on the rooftop. We talked about going climbing the next day and I can’t wait to show Alex the joys of rock climbing. Everything is peaceful here. No stress. Just living life. Smoking it up. Meeting new people. We talked some more with that Norwegian weed dude and invited him and a couple of his friends up to ‘’our’’ place for a party. Another near perfect day.’’
Looking at these diary scribbles is making me feel it all over again. The serenity of those calm worriless summer days (well it was winter back home but it felt like summer here. Strange that) leading up to disaster. Always calmest before the storm they say. This was our last day before everything changed. Before I got a lesson in humanity. In stress under crisis. Before everything I thought I knew changed forever in the meeting with something that surely shouldn’t exist in this world.

-My husband & I have been together for 8yr. Below is a timeline of my MIL issues starting when we first began dating, to now, several years married.
Before meeting my now-husbands mother, VERY early on in our relationship and before we were even official, his mother requested to follow me on all my social media accounts. I had not met her at the time and found it way too soon & creepy. Even at this point I got the initial feeling she was the type who forces levels of intimacy that she has not made the effort to genuinely attain.
-In the beginning I did make a concerted effort w/ his family. I quickly learned his Mother asks v. intrusive questions. It’s clear her questions aren’t genuine, but for the sole purpose of having ‘intel’. As if it’s ’information gathering’ for her benefit.
-The 2nd time meeting his mother she immediately asked me what year my parents got married. I told her I wasn’t sure & she began asking me if I knew what decade.. followed by questions re: my mom’s birthdate. Then she told me what she really wanted to know was my mom’s age (always an ulterior motive..). She was beyond giddy to discover she was younger than my mom. I told her my mom was slightly older than some of my peers mothers bc she had a daughter (my sister) before I was born who passed away and she had trouble conceiving afterwards. His mom didn’t react or respond to this as she was still so giddy to over the fact she was younger than my mom. Red flag..
-When my husband and I were first dating, he lived in a house w/ several guy friends. He was 26. Whenever we’d visit his family his mom would beg him to move back home so he could save money. I found this odd behavior for a mother wanting their son to grow & flourish as an adult.
-After a year & a half dating we decide to move in together. My future MIL pulls me to the side for a 1 on 1 conversation & tells me, “if things don’t work out, don't worry, there’s always a way to break a lease & get out of living together if things aren’t going well” (..why would things not go well…?). She continues on, quizzing me ab my prior relationships and how they ended. Before reverting back to the topic of me and her so moving in together, basically telling me she doesn’t approve.. conversation leaves me feeling unaccepted, awkward and gross. I immediately told my partner how uncomfortable this made me. He was upset and went to have a talk with her. In their conversation- she gaslights him, telling him she feels like she’s walking on eggshells w/ us & she did nothing wrong, we are so sensitive, how she doesn’t do anything right, etc.
-She begins incessantly planning get togethers with us, telling us she never gets to see us (when we visit 1-2x/month). We don’t even live in the same city. Not to mention we’re busy in our 20’s w/ friends & establishing our own lives. Every time she sees us she leads w/, ‘oh I’ve missed you sooo much. when did I see you last? Why has it been so long? I’m soooo happy to see you. (On & on, guilt trip behavior).
-Our first Christmas dating we spent w/ his family, the 2nd year w/ my family. When we told her we planned to spend the 2nd Christmas w/ my family, his mother had a huge outburst which I’d describe as frantic/triggered/unhinged. My husband and I were upset by her reaction and left shortly after. The following day I txted her we were upset she reacted to our plan that way, we spent the prior Christmas w/ them & it was our decision.. and that moving forward we’d be splitting holidays. She played it off, said: “I wasn’t upset at all if you thought that I really wasn’t! I don’t think I came off like that, sorry if you felt that way” then proceeded to change the subject. Once again gaslighting (this being the last time I confront her on my own. My husband handles from here on out).
-She begins asking where I buy all my clothes. Nonstop questions ab my material possessions. Then starts going out and buying the same items for herself.
-She starts constantly telling my husband on the phone how she never sees him, leaving him feeling guilty (he’s improved a lot on the guilt-front, since our early dating era). When we see his parents 1-2 times a month.. and live 2 hrs away.
-Around this time, If I stated an opinion ab something (as in I would bring a topic up on my own) she’d debate everything I’d say as if I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion.
-Pulls me to the side of a party 1 on 1 & tells me in private ‘you’re so lucky to have my son, I just want you to know that you’re really lucky.. I hope you know it’ she wasn’t being nice when she said it.
-Around this time she tells us how my partners sister is so sad he has a gf (me), yet she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Triangulating her 2 children, w/ the goal of wanting her son to feel guilt for being happy and in a successful relationship.
-Husbands mom starts getting jealous when we go on family beach trips w/ my family. We go for a week every year. She makes disapproving comments to us/ is generally unhappy her son is enjoying vacations.
-She starts making comments to my partner ab how I’m so closed off and won’t open up to her (making me look bad while playing the victim) and crying to him about never seeing him and how he doesn’t make enough effort..
-Begins incessantly micromanaging my husband: texts him reminding him of this and that, tells him my (as in me…) birthday is X days away, to make sure to get me something, to get his sister something, reminding him he should ‘make plans with his dad soon or go see his dad soon’ or ‘have you called your sister recently? You need to call her it’s your job as a brother’
-Begins generally undermining how we live our lives, generally casting judgement on any and every decision we make.
-Around this time his sister who is only 2 years younger begins acting bratty- we give her furniture, tvs, clothing large items she says she wants and she is super ungrateful, complains about the items we give her, tells us they’re too heavy for her & that we need to carry it for her and put it In her house for her. Only calls or texts us when she needs something, wants advice, or wants to complain to us. Never any other times. It’s always all ab her.
-His sister then keeps our dog for us when we are out of town for a few days (which we were shocked her said yes). We stocked the fridge w/ 7 or so bottles of wine for her and made our home lovely/ special for her stay. Her new boyfriend even comes to stay with her (they both have roommates so this is a chance for the 2 of them to be alone). After our trip we were over the top grateful thanking her many times. She then pitches a fit to my now husband telling him we bought her cheap Trader Joe’s wine and that she can’t believe we didn’t bring her back a tshirt from our trip, complaining on and on yelling at him.
-My partner and I get engaged and his mom/sister begin trying to force get togethers, my husband sister starts asking me to go to workout classes with her, painting classes, massages, etc.. which is v. out of character for her. It continues & becomes apparent this is happening only bc I’m now engaged to her brother. It feels disgenuine as she never made these efforts in the 5 years before we were engaged…
-My bridesmaids are my closest, nearest dearest friends who I’ve known for 10+ years. My husband’s sister cried when she found out she wasn’t a bridesmaid and started calling my husband weekly crying / begging him to be a bridesmaid. Then my MIL starts calling, telling him how disappointed she is. He tells his mother, I’m not sure why she’d expect to be a bridesmaid, she’s never made an effort, they aren’t close, she gets to select her closest friends to stand by her side. This has nothing to do with not liking or leaving anyone out on purpose. His mom cries, repeats how deeply disappointed she is, how wrong this is, etc. My husband tells his mother he plans to ask his dad to be his best man. Disclaimer: neither of my brothers were by husbands groomsmen, they couldn’t have cared less…
-My husband asks his father to be his best man. His father declines and says ‘no, not unless your sister can be a bridesmaid’………………….
-My MIL creates her own wedding hotel block for her friends and family, sending out a mass email to them. This is outside of the 4 hotel blocks we already have on our wedding website.
-I start hearing my MIL is saying to friends/family, ‘As long as my son is happy that’s all I care about, I just really hope that he is. All I can do is hope’ and telling people how devastated she is that her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid and how messed up and wrong it is and how weddings are a family celebration for the family. No one ever confronts me once about the bridesmaid situation.
-My husband ends up telling his mother to never mention the bridesmaid topic again, how he won’t tolerate it and is done hearing about it.
-We ask my SIL to give a reading at our wedding. Her response: ‘if I have to’. She is a pill our entire wedding, in almost every photo she is scowling.
-When we receive our wedding photos & upload online, my SIL/MIL text and ask me where all the photos of them are (there were plenty…). I told them I uploaded every photo our photographer sent. They told me this wasn’t true, were extremely disrespectful to me, basically told me I was lying when I wasn’t. I uploaded every single one. I even reached out to my photographer to ask if she’s deleted any of the photos before sending…
-My husband & I got into a disagreement with my SIL where we had a huge argument resulting in a 6 month period of no contact. This arises after we confronted her, calmly & maturely about an issue we had to which she cussed us out and called me every terrible curse word you can imagine. My husband was livid- told her she would not talk to/ab me that way & how childish she was behaving, how we should be able to confront her when we are upset about something she’s done, etc. After several months of no contact w/ my SIL, my MIL begins calling my husband saying: you ‘will/must’ resolve things w/ your sister. He says no & it’s not her business. My husbands father then calls him, clearly deployed by MIL (as he’s very chill/no-drama). The situation becomes even more stressful due to my MIL pressuring my husband re: a topic that doesn’t involve her. I too become stressed, seeing my in laws trying to control him. My in laws then have my SIL’s bf text my Husband saying, ‘I really hate seeing this for the family I want everyone to be ok’ (although once has my SIL attempted to reach out & apologize for calling me a bit** cu**, etc). When his attempt doesn’t work on my husband, my MIL then sends my husband & me a joint text message ab How she wouldn’t be intervening if her daughter could handle this on her own & how we need to fix it. My husband responds & tells his mom off, essentially saying: This isn’t your business. My wife is owed an apology, you guys also have never apologized for how horribly you treated us during our wedding.. the happiest time of our lives, a day we get to have exactly how WE want. My sister can handle her own problems she’s an adult, shes never going to learn bc you meddle in every problem she has bc you want things your way. Then when you don’t get what you want, you get everyone to do your dirty work for you in hopes you can bulldoze & get your way. You make everything ab you, what you want, when & how you want it. Those days are over (this is a summary of his response).
(hmm wonder why my SIL doesn’t know how to handle adversity, bc you handle everything for her even though she is an adult)
-SIL reaches out to my husband and says she wants to talk. He says no, you treated my wife poorly. You will reach out and apologize to her, not me. You won’t disrespect my wife. And she does do this although it takes her a week or so. And it did seem genuine.
-I think this all stems from drama my MIL creates, and when things don’t go her way she pulls others in to manipulate them & do her dirty work for her.
-husband and I lived 2 hours from his parents. We end up moving 10 hours away to create distance from his family. They disapprove and generally disapprove of any and every decision we make, as they don’t act with love and support our decisions as loving parents would.
-In laws announce they are starting an annual family vacation…to the private beach MY family has vacationed at since I was born (it’s not a mainstream location…it’s rather obscure). My in laws have never even been there before. I tell my husband I absolutely refuse to go & will not enable the intrusive/copying behavior.
-My husband & I take a trip just 2 of us. We stay in an airbnb. 3 months later his parents tell us they planned a trip to the same location for the 2 of them & they’d also found & booked the exact same airbnb we stayed at so they could experience the same exact trip my husband & I went on….
-Additional overstepping, intrusive, creepy behavior like above persists. They start buying many of the same exact material items, or furniture we own (obscure antiques, designer items, etc….), essentially copying everything we do. We want our own unique & individual things that make us, US. & it seems as if demand to show us they won’t allow us to have that for ourselves under and circumstance. Almost as if they aren’t entitled full access to our lives, so they will bulldoze and access our lives in their own ways to make them feel in control. This is my take.
-There’s no major animosity now but we have majorly pulled away from them. My husband calls his parents once a month or so. We now see them 3-4 times a year.
-Things will be nice & relaxing for a month or 2 then out of the blue my MIL will blow up out of nowhere calling my husband 8x in a row telling him he will speak to his mother he will do this and that. Often he simply ignores her or waits several days to respond. She likes to tell him ‘you need to call your father and speak with him’ ‘hey it’s dads birthday make sure do this and that’ (obviously we know when their birthdays are… we are pretty on top of things, still she cannot stand not being in control).
-MIL just flipped out on my husband for not calling her on Mother’s Day, though we send a gift, card, and send multiple texts first thing in the morning. My husband received multiple messages from his dad : why have you not called your mother??? Did you forget? Call your mother now. We’re skeptical the texts were actually from his dad..
-Although we’ve distanced ourselves, the every 2 mnth outbursts are exhausting. I am now 6 weeks pregnant. So excited! BUT Dreading telling them as I envision MIL & SIL making it all about them, freaking out ab how we aren’t involving them enough.. I imagine my MIL starting to disgeuninely call/text me constantly, demand to be involved at the level she expects & believes she deserves, will probably buy high chairs, cribs, etc for her own home.. and make it about her In any way possible.
Any advice on how to deal with a woman like this? I feel like I have to constantly prepare for her actions, outbursts, or things she might say. She’s draining, the pressure she puts on my husband is absurd, her expectations are outrageous, she’s judgmental and controlling, everything is about her, and she is emotionally immature in every way. I feel protective over my husband and our marriage and can’t stand them constant trying to order him around with their high expectations and demands. Help!