I am seeking someone with whom I can engage in deep conversations, exchanging thoughts on how we live our lives, our perspectives, and what we make of existence as we await our inevitable demise. I am looking for someone whose outlook on life aligns with mine, with whom we can collectively find the best way to live out our allotted time. Together, we will share our plans and goals, discussing our understanding of various matters.
I would be delighted if you, upon deciding to write to me, could explain why you chose to do so and share a bit about yourself, to streamline our initial conversations.
Some of my reflections and views on life: - I've come to realize that happiness for me won't come from having a big house, an expensive car, or even a family. Happiness, for me, lies in improving people's lives. Eventually, I'll die (like everyone else), and if I only live for myself, it would be meaningless—everything will go with me to the grave. But if I create something that improves people's lives, something that remains even after I'm gone, it gives meaning to my own life and brings me hope and happiness. I'm willing to dedicate my life to this, to improving the lives of others. - I'm interested in philosophy not just as a hobby, but as a necessity for determining the direction of life and how to approach it, understanding what to do in this life. - I often ponder the meaning of life in the face of inevitable death (because what comes after death greatly influences what to do with life). - I'm interested in what to do in life and how to spend it. The typical scenario of finding a job with good pay, buying a house, starting a family, retiring, and dying doesn't appeal to me (but I don't have anything against it). If you resonate with these sentiments, I eagerly await your response.

She is controlling, overbearing, insufferable with nagging to break my spirit for compliance, throws any favour she does for me back in my face and retracts anything she can to elicit compliance and regain control. Belittles me in front of anyone she can at every opportunity if there’s something she wants me to change, has threatened to kick me out my entire life (dating back to a pretend call to CPS in front of me to have me taken away for being naughty at the age or 7 or 8), has deliberately tried to sabotage things every time I start seeing a girl by either emotional manipulation or being rude and cold to said girl or, most commonly, war of attrition style nagging so that my home life is that miserable I break things off coz I can’t take it and many many other things I have finally seen for what they are I n the last few days
I have asked her and asked her to respect boundaries and to not do mean things to mess with my self esteem so I can’t feel worthy of love and haven’t put myself out there for years. I’m 33, have my own business, live with her and have recently gotten into a relationship which she is very threatened by.
Yesterday’s final attempt to reach an understanding was not successful. I got told she isn’t sure if she loves me. That my genetics are messed up by my deadbeat dad that I’ve never met and he was a right prick apparently (apple doesn’t fall far from the tree /eyeroll). Got told that my therapist and my mental health nurse gf plus other friends are all working on me to turn me against her. They’re all twisting things and I’m being told that everything links to childhood and if I was smart, I’d stop and cut them out like her friends daughter did when in the same situation. Has pushed me multiple times to the point where I cannot control my body and mind at all and, once there, she gives a little smirk of satisfaction and tells me I need help. The first time I took off coz I couldnt be in the house and caught myself looking at the time in my car and realising I’d been sitting for an hour parked ranting to myself about the injustice (out loud).
That was scary but seeing my girl a few days ago after an altercation and watching her freak out because I had psychomotor agitation and looked pretty close to psychotic or a breakdown was way fucking worse and made me realise what is at stake - I have to pick. Sanity or her.
She is terminally ill with cancer but isn’t a few weeks from the end or anything and that adds a layer of guilt and shame but i am getting the fuck out of there and will prob end as no contact. People with BPD or NPD cannot admit fault most of the time even if the stakes are huge. I tried talking and she never answered my questions straight and called me a victim living in the past.
Sorry for rant people. I am in shock and kind of numb. I don’t have any other family and I guess this is equivalent to her passing in my eyes as I can see who she is and that’s not my mother that I always thought had my back and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. And who I thought loved me unconditionally. I would like some advice on how to proceed after I leave. I know I have to go because she will not change or even acknowledge that she’s in the wrong. I fear the abandonment complex will be so triggered that she will play the victim to everyone and not be able to interact at all with me without guilt tripping. And then I’ll have to go no contact and leave her to her death alone. Her needs have come first emotionally always and i pick sanity.

Throwaway because I don’t want my work to find out I’m posting about it.
I work retail for a company that owns a lot of different stores all over Australia, and as far as they know, they all have this same issue. Our shifts are rostered to end at the time the store closes, so any closing jobs we need to do afterwards (eg. banking, closing tills , setting for next day) need to be done expectedly without pay. There have been several occasions I’ve clocked in 5 minutes before the store opened/my shift started so I can do the opening jobs that are expected of me, and ill look at my timesheets later and they’ve been edited to make it so I clocked in 5 minutes later. Any time I need to stay back 5-10 minutes, I’ll review my timesheet later and see that has also been edited so I clocked off earlier.
This brand is very big, I’m not quite sure how to dispute it, I’m not even sure if the repercussions of this are valid and even substantial, but I’d like some advice on if there’s something I can do about this, because I feel as though it’s going to add up eventually.

As the title says, I have ~1.2M, half in SPY, and half in a handful of high-quality companies (AMZN, MSFT, ASML, SPGI, CP, etc). I'll need to sell ~80k to cover the exit tax. I also have around 100k in HYSA from selling everything I own in preparation for becoming a non-resident.
I'll need to move my holdings out of Canada to become a nonresident, but still require U.S. stock market access, so a country with a good tax treaty/access to the U.S. stock market for noncitizen residents is ideal. If the income tax is low enough, I'm flexible as long as I can set up the banking offshore.
I'm making around $5000/m in income from a smaller online business, which is significantly less than in past years. I got burnt out and took my foot off the gas, but I plan on working more in the coming years and I'm expecting my income to go back to 150-200k+ cad/yr for the rest of my 20s and 30s. I moved around the major Canadian cities in my 20s and I'm certain I want to become a non-resident for at least 10 years.
The plan is to get a base somewhere for 3-6 months a year (on a yearly lease) and then slow travel around for a few years. The main things I'm looking for are a relatively easy residency process, 0-20% capital gains & income tax, safe enough to leave an apartment empty for a few months a yeahave friends visit, reliable internet, tolerant of secularism, and a close airport with direct flights to popular destinations.
I'm also not looking to invest a significant portion of my net worth to get residency/citizenship like in some of the nicer Caribbean countries. Ideally, it's a residency where I'm not committing myself to the country long-term. I'm looking at this move as a way to be efficient with my income/compounding for the rest of my younger working years till I can sustain myself off my portfolio alone.
I'm working on planning a trip in the fall to the current contenders, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia via Labuan and Dubai, UAE, but I'm open to more options, especially if it's close to either of those two or Canada/Florida. Both seem to offer everything I need with minimal cons, aside from the hassle of becoming a non-resident and the ~$15000-$30000 setup costs, with minimal yearly maintenance expenses after that. I would also love input from anyone who's already gone through the process of nonresidency.

Hi everyone I own a 1989 Oldsmobile 88 Royale with a 3.8L V6 engine. It is an extremely easy car to work on however I just do not have the time in my schedule to work on it myself so I’m looking for a reliable mechanic preferably in the Rancho area. I’m just so scared about being hosed, I know the automotive industry is completely in shambles right now but still if any of you OG’s know about these cars than you know how simple they are without any of the modern B.S. electronics that cars have nowadays. The car runs and drives great but there is a noise coming from the car that I’m almost certain is the harmonic balancer going bad (not a big deal) and I’m pretty set on replacing the fuel pump (again and easy job for a competent mechanic) and I’d like to do a transmission drain & fill.
I know theres a ton of posts asking this question but I thought it’d be good to make one with my specific make/model and see if that changes anything, thanks!

Funny how she acts like she knows what love is. Especially when I walked into to our apt and a coworker that had called off was in there in his boxers and a tshirt. Happy for her that she's finally sober though. I'm sure she's mad about me not being a dad to my kid but we'll if she'd have read the op then she'd see that he was included so I couldn't have even if I wanted to. But she'll berate me about being unemployed 😂😂😂 girl you we're unemployed the whole last year of our relationship. Not to mention had me spending anything extra I had to get alcohol and coke. Ridiculous. I have my own place, car, and a permanent good job for a while now. Maybe look in the mirror for the person that has the issues.
For reference this all ended 2019 when I was drinking walking home to kill myself by getting hit because I had solid evidence at that point that proved she was cheating. I got taken home from passing out on the side of the road and blacked out. Ended up in the hospital and have no clue how I got there or what happened.

One year relationship
In the beginning of us being together this wasn’t the case. When I would come over she would usually have a clean room and even if it was even a little bit messy she would apologize and/or not let me in until it was clean. Over time her cleanliness seems to erode (I guess) over time, especially after moving into her own place with her sister (who isn’t much better). It’s even started to feel like her being clean and tidy in the beginning was a mask and I’m seeing the real her now
Examples:

• Her car

is always (ALWAYS) messy. It’s become the norm for me to have to push away trash on the passenger floor with my feet, there’s usually a cup that she uses for a small garbage/ashtray. There’s even other peoples trash (usually sister’s but friends too) that she complains about but doesn’t stop them from doing.
I remember one time her phone fell under the seat so I helped her reach it. I saw so much trash and food and filters and weed crumbs under her seats.
Ive expressed about this before and she changed temporarily. Eventually I gave up on it because it’s her car and I’m never in it for long (I don’t have my own car). Plus if it really bothers I just don’t have to be in it

• her room

has become a consistent mess. It’s crazy that she always apologizes for it when I come over but nothing gets done about it. She has clothes and dishes and wrappers on the floor, her nightstand is always cluttered, there’s even been times when she “didn’t get a chance to do laundry over the week” so we will sleep on towels or t shirts over pillows instead of having pillowcases.
I’m no neat freak but I was raised to be a good host but it seems she wasn’t(?) One time after we had sex I accidentally left a used condom laying around (nothing inside, just used). The next day she had a friend over unexpectedly. No biggie, she hung out her in her room for a bit while I watched tv in the living room. She told me after that her friend left and she saw it and pointed out the condom. I sincerely apologized to my girlfriend for it as I know it would be seen as gross and embarrassing. My girlfriend didn’t care, saying “this is my house”.
A few days ago (let’s say Wednesday) she told me she accidentally spilled her ashtray on the floor. Weekend comes and that spill is still on the floor. I laughed about it initially, thinking she would get to it. She never did, despite us eating and watching tv in the living room all night and it being as simple as sweeping it up. I even accidentally stepped on the pile of ash, filters, and sticks and expressed it made me upset. Still nothing done about it, instead just walks around it every time
what am I doing about it?
You may be saying to yourself, “why not help out sometimes?” Well one, it’s her house so it’s not my responsibility. And two, I actually have. I’m someone who was raised to be a good houseguest as well. When I’m over her place I clean. Not only do I genuinely want to help sometimes but I try to take care of any mess I contribute to. I’ll wash dishes, take out trash from our food delivery bags, etc
You may also be asking, “well have you communicated this to her?” One, I feel this isn’t something a partner should have to bring up as it is her personal and basic well-being. I feel it’s weird to have to tell my partner about the importance of keeping her home/room clean. Plus if this basic thing is changed just for the sake of the relationship or because a partner brings it up, similar to her car, would be it be real change? Two, tactfully I mention it all the time: “the trash is getting full, you guys should do the dishes more often I don’t want y’all to get pests, I think you should throw out the food in that Tupperware in fridge being it’s been in there for a few months, etc
some understanding
She works too jobs, one at a daycare and another as an aba therapist. She was heavily abused as a child and endures emotional and financial abuse from her sister often. In my opinion, she has every reason to be burnt out and not have the energy to do even basic things sometimes. She does try to be better. Though she has back problems that deter her from being able to do the dishes in one go she has done it here and there. She has cleaned the bathroom, washed her clothes, and keeps bed bed clean. It sounds like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I know, but I’m saying these things to say ‘I don’t think she’s lazy. I think she’s dealing with more than she can handle externally and internally and it’s affecting how she lives. I see her efforts and I don’t want it to come across as me condescending’. (Therapy would be helpful imo but she lacks the time and desire, she says).
TL;DR: my so has become messier and messier over time. She deals with a lot so I can get not having the energy to always clean but it’s a little crazy at this point. She wants to improve a lot in her life so that leads me to be hopeful but I’ve heard you shouldn’t be with someone for their potential. Perhaps I’m taking this too seriously
What do you think?

The people in my department have an issue with the regular spark drivers at our store. They come in bright and early at 6 o’clock to loiter around the doors to our dispense room looking to get orders, bathe in cologne so they smell disgusting, some like to creep on our female associates, sometimes walk into our dispense room like they own the place, try to peek in the doors to see the order count (dangerous), make belittling comments about associates and our job, and complain about literally everything (this order doesn’t pay well enough this is ridiculous, why are the South Americans getting orders but we aren’t, the South Americans have robots taking orders for them, there’s too much in this bag, why didn’t they bag this, etc etc etc South Americans). But I can honestly handle it. The only issue is that it gets so redundant when it happens every single day. I have learned to turn my ears off around them. However, today I almost hit a breaking point. It was a very hot day and our order count was pretty high for every hour. At the time of this happening, we had been dispensing a perpetually full (with line spilling into the main lot) parking lot for maybe 1.5 hours straight with only 2-3 dispensers working. Going down the queue, we get to some delivery drivers. I bring out a triple batch to a driver that I actually like, but the driver next to him hops out of her car thinking that it is her’s. Disappointed that it wasn’t hers, she complains “this is ridiculous mine was ready first! And it was ready long before his!” (Apparently their Spark app tells them when their order is prepped). I respond trying to explain that it doesn’t matter which is ready first, it depends on who is checked in/arrives to the store first (they hang out in the store, so I guess whoever accepts an order first? Regardless, it doesn’t matter because it isn’t based on which is ready first.). She wasn’t having it, so I try to further explain and show her our queue but she decided to just angrily help load this other driver’s car. “I have already sat here for 20 minutes, what’s another 10?” She says sarcastically with still a hint of anger. At this point, I try to just turn off my ears but I hear them complaining about something about the bagging and she says something along the lines of “they work at Walmart, what do you expect?” Excuse me??? Anyways, I finish up there and as I’m leaving she turns to me and says “the next one better be mine.” Usually I’m pretty good about letting things that people say, spark drivers or customers or whoever, roll off my back but after how busy it was all day in the heat, I was over it and almost lost my temper. But, I was able to just keep walking and decided to just rant to the other associates and reddit. Maybe I’m just being dramatic because I’m tired after a long day but what the hell was that

I wrote a post on here last week and everyone’s replies were very helpful. To sum it up-
3 years ago my mom passed away unexpectedly from a medical issue. Since this happened, I have been actively helping my dad as he is elderly and has health issues. Last year, his issues progressed and I ended up temporarily moving in with him for a year to help out. I had left my job at the time, and gave up my apartment. I was helping him full-time until recently, within the last several months, he wanted me to be able to get back to my own life and I wanted that as well so I started looking at apartments.
The arrangement was going to be that I would still go over to his house several times a week and be helping him with everything he needs, but trying to get full-time work separately so that my life isn’t in total involvement with him. He was paying me a small amount per month when I lived there, nowhere near the amount a full-time caregiver would get. Because I had given up my job and everything to help him, he wanted to help me financially with the move- which I appreciated. So he said he would pay for the first month or two of my new apartment, while I am job searching.
Last month I moved into a new place I had found, since then I still am the one helping him 100% of the time. My sister (34) lives 20 minutes away but more times than not prioritizes her friendships and the last time she helped him was on Christmas.
In addition to that, he has a joint bank account that we both have a debit card too that is supposed to be for getting him things like groceries etc. Obviously I use it to get him things, but my sister is not currently helping him and has stolen from that account several times. Every time it has happened she has told him it was accidental and then she’ll pay him back, which she still has not. My dad is also a total enabler to her, she is extremely irresponsible about money and puts herself into debt and even though she’s not helping him right now he gives her many handoffs financially.
Recently, she and I got into an argument because she had owed me money from a lunch we went to- and she told me she could not pay me back and that it’s not my money anyway (insinuating it’s not my money because my dad is helping me out financially the first month of my move). I was extremely upset by this because I have been helping him full-time and asked for very little in return, and she has stolen from him and thinks it’s OK to put any level of blame on me.
My dad is still of sound mind- he also has a will that has been made up years ago. I know a lot of people in the last post mentioned me becoming power of attorney, the problem with that is that my dad is still making pretty conscious decisions financially and would not put me in that sort of position where I have that control, even though I am his caregiver healthwise.
A couple of days ago I spoke to my dad and I very calmly laid everything out, and I said you are being stolen from, I have tried to tell you this many times and at the end of the day there is only so much I can do if you allow for it. he said he is not OK with her doing that, and sounded pretty adamant that he’s going to require her to pay him back and he appreciates me looking out.
Exactly 2 days later, today, I go over and my dad said that my sister called him and he is actually going to be paying for her kickboxing class for the year (which I ultimately believe was her way of calling him to ask him for money just in a general sense, needing an excuse like an exercise class that she knew he would front money for).
He had a totally different tone today than he had the other day. He sounded like a complete enabler towards her, defending her when in reality he knows that she continually steals from him.
I am at my wits end and I don’t know what to do. I feel like in a way I am enabling by continuing to help him when he is making these decisions that ultimately are wrong and not fair, like we see in real time the theft happening and him continuing to hand her money knowing it’s happening. I feel burnt out.
Obviously since my move a couple weeks ago I have been actively looking for a job and trying to distance myself from all of this. I have some regrets about giving up my original job to help him but at the same time I thought it was the right decision at the time.
My dad is very similar to my sister in that he has a very strong personality and can be a bit narcissistic at times. he is depending on me to help him 100%, with a small amount in return, while letting her steal and not help.
I don’t know what the solution is anymore, and I don’t know what to do going forward. Obviously it’s ultimately his money so if he decides that he is OK with being stolen from, there might be only so much I can do. What I can do is distance myself from helping if I feel like this is a really toxic dynamic, but obviously I have tried to still help him through everything because he is ultimately my dad..

I’ve been dated 31m for a month.
I’ve been to this home maybe twice now. From our first date until recently he would call me an Uber home and see me off. The last time however he was pretty sexually aggressive & got physically pushy. When I told him no, he was visibly aggravated, tone completely changed he started ignoring me and fell asleep so I decided to go home.
This time none of his previous behavior came through…I had to call my own car, I had to ask him to walk me downstairs, and even then he was so cold and didn’t walk me to the car just to the lobby and he went back upstairs. No hug, kiss, or even goodnight…
I don’t care that I had to get my own ride I’m just thrown off by the coldness/inconsistency when things didn’t go his way.
He’s reached out again like nothing happened. I’m considering ending things bc I feel it was intentional. At the same time I want to ask if any of you think it’s worth a talk or what I should even say if it is…

Had the airbag light come on today. I'm guessing it's the front passenger seat since I moved that forwards while parked before the light came on with ignition. The plastic holding the seat position controls is very loose which may have something to play in this. Proceeded to disconnect the battery and remove the seat to see if there were any obvious lose connections but to no avail. Anywhere specifically I should look?
For reference I've only owned this car for a week so still have 0 clue whats what when it comes to saabs.
Ant help appreciated, cheers.

I’m looking into buying a Tesla model 3 but I did not pre qualify to completely buy a brand new one without putting 25k down so my options are either to lease a 2024 model 3 for 2 years or finance a Tesla model 3 that’s under 30k. One of my biggest reasons for just wanting to lease a 2024 is the refresh the ventilated seats made me fall in love but I’d rather own my car than lease so are old model 3s reliable? And is there a lot of issues that the old ones have?

I picked up a 97 SL600 a couple years ago, and have its twin from 98 on the way.
Don’t really need two of the same car, so I’m going to sell the 97. I haven’t been active on the forums in years, so I’m just looking for advice on what the best place to list it for sale would be.

My (35M) ex best friend (36M) wants to sit down and talk in person about why we’re no longer friends two years later ahead of our mutual friends wedding in a few months. I haven’t been able to talk about why I walked away until recently. For clarity, I removed them from all of my social media except for WhatsApp and they didn’t reach out after I did so. I’ve written the below to read to them when we meet. Is it too much or should I be completely honest? Names changed for privacy.
“I think for you to understand why I did what I did, I need you to understand where it all started and where it’s all coming from. What I’m about to tell you is from my own point of view and I understand your perception of these situations at the time and now will more than likely differ.
I told you a couple of years ago in passing after having a few drinks that I had had a crush on you. That was putting it mildly. As for a long time I had very strong romantic feelings for you and I would say I had fallen in love with you.
I had developed a crush on you earlier in our friendship and the longer we stayed friends, the more intense my feelings started to develop.
When you went through one of the worst things I think anyone could go through, I thought I could shield you from the hurt you were going through and would continue to go through if I threw my whole being into being there for you, irrespective if you ever would feel the same about me. During this time, I felt our dynamic shift that beyond a friendship. Before you and Taylor broke up, for a series of months I felt you investing yourself emotionally in me and it felt that I had become someone or somewhere for you to have the emotional outlet you no longer had with Taylor. I don’t know and I don’t think this was done consciously by you. I think it was a result of circumstance.
After you and Taylor broke up, I clutched on to the sliver of hope that maybe this would be my time. If I waited, let you move on and continue to be there for you like I had been for so long, that maybe one day you’d turn to me and tell me what I wanted to hear. And then within a few weeks you told me you had started to see Ben. I remember the exact moment you told me so vividly, because for the first time in such a long time, I felt my heart break. A few minutes later I walked out of bar and hid in the car park and cried for as long as I could without raising suspicion as to where I was gone and I slapped my best friend face and personality back on.
Over the following 10 months or so, I felt you push me further and further away. The closeness we once had was starting to fade away. I had to try adapt to what our friendship was now going to be and also try move on from my feelings for you. Our time spent together went from what felt like constant to almost non existent. I also felt like Ben took a dislike to me, this left me apprehensive of being around you together, again this is my perception and may be different to you or Ben even. To be honest, I didn’t want to be around you two together because I didn’t want to have to see Ben get from you what I wanted.
When I started to date Josh it felt like I had started to move on from what I felt for you. You were no longer the person that occupied my mind the most. I started to feel happy again and I felt like I could be your friend, and just your friend. Then Josh ended it with me out of nowhere and I started to fall into a place of hurt and rejection by someone I started to really care about and trying to deal with feeling like that about you. Then a few days later I see on Instagram you had liked his post from two days after he ended things with me. At that time, I wasn’t in a place of full mental clarity and it felt to me that you intentionally did it to hurt me because you misinterpreted an evening where Aidan and I hung out and you thought that we were excluding you. I had thought you were someone that would never intentionally hurt me, and when I saw that, I felt as if you that hurt me more than anyone ever could.
Liking Josh’s post wasn’t the reason I removed you from my life, but it was the final straw for me. For months there were small but frequent instances of where I felt myself being pushed further and further from you. Our friendship had completely changed and I no longer felt valued or needed by you.
I had to step away from our friendship because it was killing me. And I had to decide between you being the Sun I orbited that would eventually burn up my oceans and leave me hollow. Or walking away, silently and without confrontation to find me again.
Walking away from you and the memories of our friendship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but I had to walk away.
You were probably the best friend I ever had and will probably ever have. I’m happy we had that time together but we’ll never be able to be friends again. I hope this clears up everything for you and I can see now that there was so much more to our friendship ending then what I think either of us thought. “

In the beginning of us being together this wasn’t the case. When I would come over she would usually have a clean room and even if it was even a little bit messy she would apologize and/or not let me in until it was clean. Over time her cleanliness seems to erode (I guess) over time, especially after moving into her own place with her sister (who isn’t much better). It’s even started to feel like her being clean and tidy in the beginning was a mask and I’m seeing the real her now
Examples:

• Her car

is always (ALWAYS) messy. It’s become the norm for me to have to push away trash on the passenger floor with my feet, there’s usually a cup that she uses for a small garbage/ashtray. There’s even other peoples trash (usually sister’s but friends too) that she complains about but doesn’t stop them from doing.
I remember one time her phone fell under the seat so I helped her reach it. I saw so much trash and food and filters and weed crumbs under her seats.
Ive expressed about this before and she changed temporarily. Eventually I gave up on it because it’s her car and I’m never in it for long (I don’t have my own car). Plus if it really bothers I just don’t have to be in it

• her room

has become a consistent mess. It’s crazy that she always apologizes for it when I come over but nothing gets done about it. She has clothes and dishes and wrappers on the floor, her nightstand is always cluttered, there’s even been times when she “didn’t get a chance to do laundry over the week” so we will sleep on towels or t shirts over pillows instead of having pillowcases.
I’m no neat freak but I was raised to be a good host but it seems she wasn’t(?) One time after we had sex I accidentally left a used condom laying around (nothing inside, just used). The next day she had a friend over unexpectedly. No biggie, she hung out her in her room for a bit while I watched tv in the living room. She told me after that her friend left and she saw it and pointed out the condom. I sincerely apologized to my girlfriend for it as I know it would be seen as gross and embarrassing. My girlfriend didn’t care, saying “this is my house”.
A few days ago (let’s say Wednesday) she told me she accidentally spilled her ashtray on the floor. Weekend comes and that spill is still on the floor. I laughed about it initially, thinking she would get to it. She never did, despite us eating and watching tv in the living room all night and it being as simple as sweeping it up. I even accidentally stepped on the pile of ash, filters, and sticks and expressed it made me upset. Still nothing done about it, instead just walks around it every time
what am I doing about it?
You may be saying to yourself, “why not help out sometimes?” Well one, it’s her house so it’s not my responsibility. And two, I actually have. I’m someone who was raised to be a good houseguest as well. When I’m over her place I clean. Not only do I genuinely want to help sometimes but I try to take care of any mess I contribute to. I’ll wash dishes, take out trash from our food delivery bags, etc
You may also be asking, “well have you communicated this to her?” One, I feel this isn’t something a partner should have to bring up as it is her personal and basic well-being. I feel it’s weird to have to tell my partner about the importance of keeping her home/room clean. Plus if this basic thing is changed just for the sake of the relationship or because a partner brings it up, similar to her car, would be it be real change? Two, tactfully I mention it all the time: “the trash is getting full, you guys should do the dishes more often I don’t want y’all to get pests, I think you should throw out the food in that Tupperware in fridge being it’s been in there for a few months, etc
some understanding
She works too jobs, one at a daycare and another as an aba therapist. She was heavily abused as a child and endures emotional and financial abuse from her sister often. In my opinion, she has every reason to be burnt out and not have the energy to do even basic things sometimes. She does try to be better. Though she has back problems that deter her from being able to do the dishes in one go she has done it here and there. She has cleaned the bathroom, washed her clothes, and keeps bed bed clean. It sounds like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I know, but I’m saying these things to say ‘I don’t think she’s lazy. I think she’s dealing with more than she can handle externally and internally and it’s affecting how she lives. I see her efforts and I don’t want it to come across as me condescending’. (Therapy would be helpful imo but she lacks the time and desire, she says).

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I have a ‘93 2WD with the 22RE. Second 22RE I’ve owned and it’s just as fun as last time even as a 2WD. I get compliments all the time! But I digress…
The fiancé and I have decided she is getting. The new car first for the planned family we’re going to have. She wants an SUV and I think that’s a good option.
The Toyota is my daily but it has 340K on the odometer. I am thinking of sending it up to 22RE Performance in Chico for a full rebuild, ditching the emissions system, and maybe doing a header back, cold air, and an electric fan installed under the hood. That should satisfy me for “power” and reliability.
As for the interior, what QOL upgrades would you recommend. This thing is 100% stock. I did put a stereo in it but the sound is ass with those little speakers so I was thinking a better stereo? Also considering the Corbeau seats (anyone have those?).
Maybe some suspension TLC as well. Sway aways, new leafs in the back, shocks, bushings, maybe a power steering setup from another truck? Wildwood front disc kit and LCE disc kit for the rear?
I have about a $10K budget give or take. What would you do in my position? Thanks everyone!

Currently comparing mortgage rates for a home purchase. My wife owns a home so I am the only one on the loan, but it will be her $ in her bank account used for the down payment.
How do I indicate as such when applying for a loan estimate? Do I list her $ as the money I have in the bank and give that info when they ask for it?
( I have already been pre-approved, but the lender did the application)

My (35M) ex best friend (36M) wants to sit down and talk in person about why we’re no longer friends two years later ahead of our mutual friends wedding in a few months. I haven’t been able to talk about why I walked away until recently. For clarity, I removed them from all of my social media except for WhatsApp and they didn’t reach out after I did so. I’ve written the below to read to them when we meet. Is it too much or should I be completely honest? Names changed for privacy.
“I think for you to understand why I did what I did, I need you to understand where it all started and where it’s all coming from. What I’m about to tell you is from my own point of view and I understand your perception of these situations at the time and now will more than likely differ.
I told you a couple of years ago in passing after having a few drinks that I had had a crush on you. That was putting it mildly. As for a long time I had very strong romantic feelings for you and I would say I had fallen in love with you.
I had developed a crush on you earlier in our friendship and the longer we stayed friends, the more intense my feelings started to develop.
When you went through one of the worst things I think anyone could go through, I thought I could shield you from the hurt you were going through and would continue to go through if I threw my whole being into being there for you, irrespective if you ever would feel the same about me. During this time, I felt our dynamic shift that beyond a friendship. Before you and Taylor broke up, for a series of months I felt you investing yourself emotionally in me and it felt that I had become someone or somewhere for you to have the emotional outlet you no longer had with Taylor. I don’t know and I don’t think this was done consciously by you. I think it was a result of circumstance.
After you and Taylor broke up, I clutched on to the sliver of hope that maybe this would be my time. If I waited, let you move on and continue to be there for you like I had been for so long, that maybe one day you’d turn to me and tell me what I wanted to hear. And then within a few weeks you told me you had started to see Ben. I remember the exact moment you told me so vividly, because for the first time in such a long time, I felt my heart break. A few minutes later I walked out of bar and hid in the car park and cried for as long as I could without raising suspicion as to where I was gone and I slapped my best friend face and personality back on.
Over the following 10 months or so, I felt you push me further and further away. The closeness we once had was starting to fade away. I had to try adapt to what our friendship was now going to be and also try move on from my feelings for you. Our time spent together went from what felt like constant to almost non existent. I also felt like Ben took a dislike to me, this left me apprehensive of being around you together, again this is my perception and may be different to you or Ben even. To be honest, I didn’t want to be around you two together because I didn’t want to have to see Ben get from you what I wanted.
When I started to date Josh it felt like I had started to move on from what I felt for you. You were no longer the person that occupied my mind the most. I started to feel happy again and I felt like I could be your friend, and just your friend. Then Josh ended it with me out of nowhere and I started to fall into a place of hurt and rejection by someone I started to really care about and trying to deal with feeling like that about you. Then a few days later I see on Instagram you had liked his post from two days after he ended things with me. At that time, I wasn’t in a place of full mental clarity and it felt to me that you intentionally did it to hurt me because you misinterpreted an evening where Aidan and I hung out and you thought that we were excluding you. I had thought you were someone that would never intentionally hurt me, and when I saw that, I felt as if you that hurt me more than anyone ever could.
Liking Josh’s post wasn’t the reason I removed you from my life, but it was the final straw for me. For months there were small but frequent instances of where I felt myself being pushed further and further from you. Our friendship had completely changed and I no longer felt valued or needed by you.
I had to step away from our friendship because it was killing me. And I had to decide between you being the Sun I orbited that would eventually burn up my oceans and leave me hollow. Or walking away, silently and without confrontation to find me again.
Walking away from you and the memories of our friendship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but I had to walk away.
You were probably the best friend I ever had and will probably ever have. I’m happy we had that time together but we’ll never be able to be friends again. I hope this clears up everything for you and I can see now that there was so much more to our friendship ending then what I think either of us thought. “