(sorry if it's not correct grammar I'm typing fast)
Ok so for backstory I'm 17 yrs old and my family cut off my brother because he wanted no pictures at his wedding but my family still took pics so I told my brother about it basically he got mad, told his wife and my dad had a tantrum about how he can do whatever he wants to his son and my brother cut him , my mom and siblings off for crossing his boundaries (and because they where mentally abusive to him) but didn't cut me off because I'm the only one that respected his boundaries
Ok now fastforward 2-3 years later my brother and his wife have a son and I'm the ONLY person in my family that has access to my nephews pictures because I'm the only person they can trust to not share it to others (they believe in evil eye) around this time my older sister reconnects with my brother so he decides to send her pictures of his son because he trusts her enough but only if she didn't send those pictures to my parents because who knows who they'd send it to with their ability to not respect boundaries
Obviously my sister didn't learn her lesson and still sent those pictures to my dad where he'd brag about not "giving a fuck" about his grandchild (he literally has fantasies about beating the shit out of my nephew) even though he's the one that shows off my nephew's pictures to random strangers saying, and I quote, "my only grandchild it's a shame we can't visit him" (I wonder why!!!!) My sister would send these pictures to other people in front of me KNOWING that I'd defend my brother even if it costed me a leg and an eye so she knew what was coming
Naturally I immediately told my brother what my sister had been doing behind his back and he sent a long paragraph to her saying that he's going to cut her off for sending pictures of his kid to people he specifically told her not to send to and my sister went berserk shes calling me a shit load of names basically saying I ruined the "connection" they had and my parents are giving me death threats for breaking up the family again (who's gonna remind them that they broke it first??)
My younger sister says I'm in the right because who knows what would happen to my nephew if those pictures got sent to the wrong person but my mom said all I've done is listening to the devil and deepening the wounds in this family even though I've done nothing but tell my brother what his family has been doing with those pictures and what they've said about a CHILD
My bad if if words aren't spelt right I'm getting a lecture while I write lol
Personally I don't think I did anything wrong by just looking out for my brother but I'm wondering if I was supposed to let my sister cross my brother's boundaries again

Hello all,
I recently made a post about the passing of our nephew and trying to find an image of one his characters - https://www.reddit.com/wow/comments/1d4tu2o/is_there_a_way_to_see_all_of_someones_characters/
Unfortunately due to restrictions placed upon accounts by Blizzard, the GM couldn't help me find the names of my nephew's characters. So I'm looking for the next best thing now.
I remember him playing a NE Warrior DPS and I know he adored PVP. Now I know what a NE Druid Tank looks like (RaWR) as I play one of those, however I know bog all about PVPing Warriors. So can anyone possibly direct me to (or show below) a male NE Warrior tank, in what you'd consider the best PVP armour.
I honestly don't care about stats here, I'm more about what looks the greatest, as transmog exists.
Once I've got one that looks great. I've then got the task of looking for a WoW quote of mourning/saying goodbye etc. Then we're sending it off to a digital artist.
Thank you all for the help here.

My 3 year old neutered Australian Shepherd mix was hit by my nephew. He is currently at the hospital overnight with a broken pelvis. They quoted $20,000 for surgery and hospital. That seems very high, doesn’t it? We live in Minnesota. Any recommendations for a more affordable vet clinic would be very appreciated. We love him so much he is a rescue and was abused before we got him.
Species: dog Sex: male, neutered Age: 3 Breed: Australian shepherd mix Weight: 55 pounds History: we adopted him from a rescue and he doesn’t have medical problems Location:Minnesota Duration: accident happed today

Today my wife and I went to visit our 12 year old nephew in Hospital today, apparently he has a terminal disease or something, when I arrived I saw my nephew and I said to him “I like your haircut, you look just like Koos”. A doctor then corrected me to tell me he actually had cancer, I told the doctor that I don’t believe in Astrology and it’s just a false concept. Anyways, my nephew was hanging out with a bunch of his friends who also had cancer, there was maybe a group of 10 twelve year old's. and I saw one of them had a zellig shirt, and he looked really sad, so I thought I’d cheer him up. And as a member of this cord I remembered a few funny quotes that really got a lot of gem emotes So I said the first one that came to my mind. I put on my best Mymy impression and yelled “death to the Belgians ”. To my shock not a single one of them even cracked a smile, within seconds I was tackled to the ground by one of the guards and I spent the rest of the night in a reeducation camp for “Hate speech” or something like that, and the camp was so boring, I thought it was gonna be like ongezellig. but it was nothing like that, I was just made to write essays for the night. I didn’t even see Vera, anyways when I went home my wife had divorce papers and told me to sign them. What do I do? Am I stupid? I love my wife and I don’t wanna divorce her. I hate feminism

So my mom and I don't have the best relationship but I've tried to make it work even though we live apart but as of two weeks ago, fuck it.
So were at my nephew's preschool graduation thing. To save money, I was staying at a hotel with my parents. Which is never a good combination. Now I always always ALWAYS wear a lanyard with my key and ID and stuff on it to compensate for my ADHD. And to make sure that my important shit don't get stolen or lost. Things fall out of pockets, particularly when you're in a wheelchair, or can be taken from a bag and walked off with. Lanyards not so much.
But mom was all Kareny about me looking nice for the graduation and how the lanyard would make me and I quote "look like a jake"
When I asked her what the *hell* a Jake was she threatened to hit me for swearing
However due to us being in a rush, and my anger at her threatening me over stupid Kareny bullshit, the memory of where I put the thing never properly formed and it probably got moved at least 3 times
One could reasonably argue that the lanyard was my responsibility as dad did. My argument is that the lanyard is my way of taking responsibility and by forcing me to remove it via threat of physical violence, it became her responsibility.
The dumbass part is that a random guy wearing a lanyard is not high on the list of priorities of anyone at a preschool graduation. They're all thinking "I hope I get a picture." or "I hope my son doesn't show the crowd that he learned to undress himself."
So I have lost my house key which I have to pay for, my debit card which I have to replace and my ID which I have to replace.
But the lanyard and the extra errands are not the issue.
She has a habit of threatening to be violent towards me whenever I hurt her little feelings. And only me. Because I'm disabled and more importantly I permitted it.
She does not threaten to hit dad when he hurts her itty bitties. Does not threaten my sister. Does not threaten the nephews. Does not threaten the old people who hurt her feelings. She only threatens to hit me. She only threatens violence towards ME and I don't care about whatever excuse dad or her freaky Pentecostal cult make for her I'm done.
She threatens to be violent towards me again, it's go time. I've gotten stronger since taking PT and I live in a place with fairly loose self-defense laws. And I know exactly which knee she had surgery on. And I have no problem using it.
Fuck the Fifth Commandment. Fuck all aspects of our culture that enable old people to randomly threaten younger people with violence without consequences. I don't care anymore. She wants a fight she'll damn well get one.

Randyll Tarly, Failing Upwards

part 2/2 here https://www.reddit.com/asoiaf/comments/1d08i8x/spoilers_main_randyll_tarly_failing_upwards_part/
This post speculates the books are misleading regarding the ability of Mace Tyrell and Randyll Tarly. At a surface level Mace is a weak leader and Tarly a skilled and loyal commander. I challenge those in-world views and suggest the opposite, that Tarly is a middling commander, and will turn to Aegon. This is not a new theory, but I hope my observations can add to the existing works.

Randyll Tarly as a Commander

The Battle of Ashford

Context: The battle of Ashford happened late in Roberts Rebellion and was his one loss. Robert’s host and the Tyrell host were closing in on each other around Ashford, which was on the western flank of the Stormlands.
The Battle – what we know: Tarly lead the vanguard, which engaged Roberts army ahead of the main host. By all accounts the battle was decided before Mace arrived, although the exact meaning of this is unclear. Lord Cafferen (of Old Oak) was cut down by Randyll. The main casualty of note was Mace Tyrell’s cousin, Quentin Tyrell.

The Battle – Relevant POV sections:

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III: ~Tyrell's reputation rested on one indecisive victory over Robert Baratheon at Ashford, in a battle largely won by Lord Tarly's van before the main host had even arrived.~
A Storm of Swords - Davos V: "King Robert suffered defeats like any other man. ~Lord Tyrell bested him at Ashford~…
A Storm of Swords - Samwell V (multiple):
"~You are the one~ that killed the creature in the snow," King Stannis said, when only the four of them remained.
~"Your father is an able soldier,"~
~"He defeated my brother once, at Ashford. Mace Tyrell has been pleased to claim the honors for that victory, but Lord Randyll had decided matters before Tyrell ever found the battlefield. He slew Lord Cafferen with that great Valyrian sword of his and sent his head to Aerys." The king rubbed his jaw with a finger. "You are not the sort of son I would expect such a man to have."~
"If you had not taken the black, you would make a useful hostage," Stannis mused. He has taken the black, sire," Maester Aemon pointed out.
"You slew this creature with an obsidian dagger, I am told,"
"On Dragonstone, where I had my seat, there is much of this obsidian to be seen in the old tunnels beneath the mountain," the king told Sam. "Chunks of it, boulders, ledges. The great part of it was black, as I recall, but there was some green as well, some red, even purple. I have sent word to Ser Rolland my castellan to begin mining it. I will not hold Dragonstone for very much longer, I fear, but perhaps the Lord of Light shall grant us enough frozen fire to arm ourselves against these creatures, before the castle falls."
He considered Sam again. "I am told that you and this wildling girl passed beneath the Wall, through some magic gate."
You will show me this gate."
"I," said Sam, "I w-will, if . . ." If it is still there. If it will open for a man not of the black. If . . "You will," snapped Stannis. "I shall tell you when."
A Dance with Dragons - The Griffin Reborn:
He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance. Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that ~Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there.~ He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

The Battle – Takeaways from the POV’s:
Tyrion: Tyrion’s main takeaways were that the battle of Ashford was indecisive, and largely won by Tarly’s van before the main host arrived. He bristles at Tyrell taking credit.
Davos: Maester Pylos attributes Roberts loss to Lord Tyrell not Tarly
Samwell: Stannis describes Tarly as able. Mace claimed the honors for Ashford but Tarly decided matters before Mace found the battlefield. Sam was not the son he would have expected from Randyll. There are hints that Stannis respects Sam, and it can subsequently be inferred, does not respect Tarly.
Jon Connington: Killing Robert would have ended the war.

The battle – Analysis:

Ordinarily a van is the forward marching unit of an army. Its exact uses and troop composition varied substantially. Typical uses are as a pinning force (to engage before the main host arrives).
The van did not appear to pin the enemy army, the low number of hostages, and the fact the battle is described as indecisive is indica that Tarly scattered Roberts army ahead of the main force. When we consider this, it becomes apparent how catastrophic the engagement was. If the van was able to win so crushingly, any engagement that did NOT decide the battle before the main force arrived was like to end the war. Instead, Randyll wins ~personal glory~.
Roberts army retreated, with Robert holing up in the Stoney Sept, to regroup after the Battle of the Bells with said force winning the war. The only person to hold Tarly in high regard is Tyrion. Stannis describes him as able, Pylos attributes the win to Tyrell and JonCon points out the objective is to kill Robert, whom escaped (albeit injured).
A tangent – Sam and Stannis.
On the POV’s above, Sam is said to be ‘not the son that Stannis would expect from Randyll and a useful hostage if he hadn’t taken the black. The inference is there’s value in Sam being a Tarly. The other possible meaning, is that Sam himself is useful.
Between Stannis acting on the obsidian information, the fact Sam killed an other, and the black gate shenanigans Sam not being the son expected of Randyll could take a very different connotation. Randyll is able, Sam is intelligent. This also adds a little context to his exchange with Aemon. It could be argued Stannis wants Sam in his service, and that whole exchange is not actually about holding Sam over Randyll, but wanting Sam in his own right.
· Sam points out that the Black Gate may only open for a man of the black. Stannis snaps at Sam that Sam will show Stannis the game, after Aemon explicitly states that Sam has taken the black therefore Stannis cannot have him. In other words, Stannis is not concerned with whether the gate will open for him personally and only interrupts when Sam suggests it may not open, saying Sam will open it at a time of Stannis’s choosing.
If we take Stannis’s words in that meaning, his comments on Randyll become more pointed. The battle being decided before the main host arrived is not necessarily praise, and able is not a glowing compliment of Randyll’s ability. You are not the sort of son I would have expected at a surface level is an insult but could alternately be seen as praise.
Re-reading the chapter, Stannis holds Sam in high regard, and presses him for all kinds of information, on Dragonglass, Wights and The Black Gate. He questions showing Lightbringer to Aemon, but when Aemon says ‘Sam will be his eyes’, Stannis draws the sword. He drones on about his plans to Sam, despite being typically tight lipped. Heck, according to some popular theories, he’s playing games with Jon in every interaction (the Manifesto series of articles comes to mind), which makes this interaction with Sam even stranger.
Extending this further into the Jon and Sam chapters is beyond the scope of this article but I would be remiss not to mention a few key points
· It is immediately after this conversation with Stannis that Aemon suggests to Sam to rig the election
· According to a popular theory, Sam then rigs the election count for the nights watch on top of his meddling with the candidates
· Stannis is hinted to know this when he talks to Jon and points out the election wasn’t fair.
To sum up this tangent – because Sam was not the expected son of the merely able Randyll, and because Sam appears to be respected by Stannis, able may be a veiled insult.

An Interesting historical analogy (thanks Wikipedia). The Battle of Ashdown

As this is a AWOIAF forum not a historical forum, I won’t delve into history beyond the point of analogy. However the battle of Ashford has strong historical parallels to the battle at Ashdown. Rather than delve deeply, I will provide the relevant Wikipedia section, and a dot point list of parallels. I believe they are substantial enough to merit consideration.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Ashdown


Four days later, on about 8 January, the armies fought again at Ashdown. ~The Vikings arrived first at the battle ground and deployed along the top of the ridge, giving them the advantage.~ They divided their forces into two contingents, one under their kings, Bagsecg and Halfdan, the other under their earls. When the West Saxons heard this from their scouts, they decided to copy the formation, with Æthelred facing the kings and Alfred the earls. ~The king then retired to his tent to hear Mass, while Alfred led his forces to the battlefield~. Both sides formed their forces into shield walls. Æthelred would not cut short his devotions and ~Alfred risked being outflanked and overwhelmed~ ~by the whole Danish army. He decided to attack and led his men in an uphill charge.~ Battle then raged around a small thorn tree and finally the West Saxons were victorious. ~Although both the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle and Asser emphasise Alfred's role in the victory, in the view of Richard Abels it was the attack by Æthelred when he joined the battle which was decisive and he might have intended all along to take the Vikings unawares~**.** They suffered heavy losses, including King Bagsecg and five earls, Sidroc the Old, Sidroc the Younger, Osbern, Fræna, and Harold. The West Saxons pursued the fleeing Vikings until nightfall, cutting them down. ~However, victory proved short-lived, as it was followed by two defeats, at Basing and Meretun.~ Soon after Easter, which fell on 15 April in that year, Æthelred died and was succeeded by Alfred.[7]
· Ashdown sounds like Ashford.
· A fraction of the force (the van) attacked the opposing army – and won.
· It was suggested that the attack of the second force is what actually won the day, rather than the first battling force that won the glory. This is not dissimilar to Tarly getting the glory but Mace being the actual lead commander.
· The battle was followed by two defeats (akin to the Battle of the Bells and the Battle of the Trident, soon after the war being lost)
· This was Alfred the Great's first major victory over the Viking invaders, similar to the first win against Robert

~Ashford in Summary~
Between our historical analogy, and our POV chapters, Ashford may not be the grand accomplishment for Tarly that the in world characters think of him. In fact, had he pinned the force or waited for Mace Tyrell, the war could have likely ended. Nobody speaks of his brilliance, with Pylos and Stannis hinting that it was Mace’s win and that Tarly was merely able, Tyrion saying it was indecisive, and JonCon pointing out that killing Robert ends the war.
Ashford was the single best opportunity to end the war, and basically all Tarly had to do was hold Roberts host in place before the main host of Mace arrived. Arguably, he didn’t even have to engage, and could have just waited around. His ‘victory’ turned Mace’s strategic and tactical brilliance into a small, indecisive victory.

Advising Renly - The Rising Sun

I have clipped the quotes here for space reasons
Context: Renly has gathered a massive host. Stannis has besieged storms end with a small force about 1/20 or less the size of Renly’s. Negotiations have failed and Renly is planning his attack on Stannis with his generals.
What we Know: Tarly is ignored and overlooked at every turn.

The Rising Sun

"And have it said that I won by treachery, with an unchivalrous attack? Dawn was the chosen hour."
"Chosen by Stannis," Randyll Tarly pointed out. "He'd have us charge into the teeth of the rising sun. We'll be half-blind."
"Only until first shock," Renly said confidently. "Ser Loras will break them, and after that it will be chaos."
I preface this section with a historical sidenote – the direction the sun rises and the directions of the winds are very real battle concerns in medieval history. This is not some ASOIAF chicanery nor Tarly inventing some reason, but a real battle tactic. Using the sun to hinder an enemy is a known stratagem.
That said, Renly totally disregards it.
In multiple texts we see how the ‘Chivalry of the South’ has rallied to renly. He specifically says that chivalrous part was the least part of his power. His army outnumbers stannis over 20 to 1. Stannis has light cavalry in boiled leather against Renly’s armoured knights, let alone the questionable loyalty of some of Stannis’s force.
Even a relatively costly battle is trivial to Renly’s force, but the presence of another potential king is dangerous. Looking at Renly’s wider strategy his reasons to stay honourable are obvious. He gathers ‘all the chivalry of the south’, and has many, many lords looking to him for reward. Not going at the chosen hour may be militarily superior, but it could result in a number of poor outcomes. No battle at all leaves stannis in tact, and breaking his word could result in the ‘chivalry of the south’ not being as committed as they currently are. Finally, he has no claim – just an army. Stannis is a very real problem, as Stannis actually does have a claim. He needs to deal with his brother.
From Renly’s perspective, Stannis directly meeting his forces on the battlefield is an act of insanity. If he can remove the threat of stannis in a single pitched open field battle, that is of immense strategic value. The sunlight is a single tactical factor (the value in the ASOIAF world to which is hard to evaluate).
I think it is a reasonable interpretation that Tarly, whilst technically correct is thinking far too narrowly. At present Renly has overwhelming numerical superiority, a higher quality of troop and momentum in the war of the 5 kings. He faces a small enemy force, with a stronger claimant than himself.

They Should Do Battle
"Your Grace, I see no need for battle here," Lord Mathis Rowan put in…
~"And have men say I feared to face Stannis?"~
~"Only fools will say that~~,"~ Lord Mathis argued….
~"I say that Stannis is a danger to you~," Lord Randyll Tarly declared
(god bless you Randyll Tarly)

A Clash of Kings - Catelyn III
All the chivalry of the south rides with me, and that is the least part of my power. My foot is coming behind, a hundred thousand swords and spears and pikes. And you will destroy me? With what, pray?
~"And have it said that I won by treachery, with an unchivalrous attack? Dawn was the chosen hour."~
"Castles and courtesies will not appease him, he must have blood. Well, I am of a mind to grant his wish."
~"Lord Mathis, you shall lead the center of my main battle. Bryce, you'll have the left. The right is mine. Lord Estermont, you shall command the reserve."~

~---~

So Randyll isn’t actually proposing they do battle, he’s copying the words of Renly. A subtle bit of humour (if you share my interpretation) is when Lord Mathis says only fools will say Renly feared Stannis, about 5 seconds later Tarly explains why Renly should fear Stannis. Amusingly, Mathis is given a command (the centre) and Tarly isn’t here.
If we assume that Tarly isn’t held in the highest regard, the comments very much appear tongue in cheek. Despite being of the same opinion as Renly (and there’s an argument he’s just copying what Renly already said), he still manages to walk into an insult. Now on the other hand, maybe his opinion is highly valued. But time and time again we see Renly disregard and slight Tarly, ignoring his advice and denying him a command. As such, I posit it is more probable that this is a subtle jab.

Polticking with Caitlyn

~"I call it weak." Lord Randyll Tarly had a short, bristly grey beard and a reputation for blunt speech. "No disrespect to you, Lady Stark, but it would have been more seemly had Lord Robb come to pay homage to the king himself, rather than hiding behind his mother's skirts."~
"King Robb is warring, my lord," Catelyn replied with icy courtesy, "not playing at tourney."
Renly grinned. ~"~~Go softly, Lord Randyll, I fear you're overmatched."~
…
So once more we see Renly silencing Tarly, albeit in a playful tone. Additionally, Renly treats Caitlyn with substantially more respect than Randyll. Albeit he still threatens here, but there’s a strong inference Randyll’s approach is wrong.

Dispositions and Tactics

Rowan and Tarly are seen in Renly’s tent speaking of dispositions and tactics. One could argue this infers competence. Another fair argument is it infers a level of collaboration between Rowan and Tarly.
The excellent analysis in the article series Blood of the Conqueror has predicted Rowan and Tarly going over to the Aegon cause. Now I’m not going to get too much into that here (as this is a battle analysis), but Rowan and Tarly are in many ways complimentary to one another, both are Tyrell Bannermen, and as the story progresses we see reasons for them to become unruly. Given the total lack of description beyond this sentence, I would argue this shows a closeness between Tarly and Rowan moreso than any genius tactical mind from either.

Summary:

So we see Tarly here very much looked over by Renly. The only character not apparently treating him like a buffoon is Rowan, whom can be argued to be of questionable loyalty (again I harp back to the Blood of the Conqueror theories). Even then we have the quip from rowan that infers Tarly isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Battle of the Blackwater

A Clash of Kings - Sansa VII
…golden rose and golden lion and all the others, the Marbrand tree and the Rowan**~, Tarly's huntsman~** and Redwyne's grapes and Lady Oakheart's leaf. All the westermen, all the power of Highgarden and Casterly Rock! ~Lord Tywin himself had their right wing~ on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and ~Mace Tyrell the left,~ but the vanguard won the fight
A Storm of Swords - Catelyn II
"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. ~Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly~ near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, ~where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges~. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear."

Analysis

Tarly in command over Rowan:
· Firstly we see Tarly in command of the centre rather than Rowan
· Tarly is completely screwed here. Given larger command, sent off to duskendale then his inheritance castle taken under him
· We don’t hear of Tarly doing much of anything in the battle – but we do hear of the analogous flanks.

WHY DOES MACE AND TYWIN PREFER TARLY
Tarly shares the brutal tactics of Tywin
Rowan is more intelligent (hence the earlier fool conversation and being chosen for Renly’s force). The earlier conversations between Rowan and Tarly indicate this. Note that in the aftermath, Tarly has one of his prizes (Brightcastle) essentially stripped away when he was off to another battle. One wonders if Rowan would have fallen for the same chicanery. If Tarly was present, there’s good argument this may not have been doable.
Although we only hear of it later, Rowan’s emotions play on his face at least a little. We know that he has at least a little animosity towards Tywin Re the Targaryen babes.
Tyrion watched the faces of the Lords Tyrell, Redwyne, and Rowan, wondering if any of the three would be bold enough to say, "But Lord Tywin, wasn't it you who presented the bodies to Robert, all wrapped up in Lannister cloaks?" None of them did, but it was there on their faces all the same. Redwyne does not give a fig, he thought, but Rowan looks fit to gag. -ASOS, Tyrion III

Tyrell and Tywin Mirrored
On the two flanks of the army, Tywin and Mace Tyrell take mirrored positions. Garlan takes the van and Tarly the center (note this is mirrored with Rowan in the center in Renly’s army and Tarly not having a command.)
Although a stretch, Renly was concerned with appearances and the treatment of Stannis’s body. This fits far more with the personality of Rowan than we have seen of the ‘kill everyone’ attitude of Tarly.
Logistical Victory by MACE – boats and bitterbridge
Logistically, the battle is won by Mace Tyrell (whom I love as a character) with a fleet of barges and a huge host already in position (allowing the army to cross quickly enough to intercept the battle of the blackwater). Also the messenger that draws in Tywin’s host comes from Bitterbridge – Tyrell Lands. Given the van wins the battle, there’s a fair argument that Mace could have won the battle alone, albeit with all the support he wins a crushing victory instead.

We hear the van won the fight (with a tyrell in it)
First the parallels. Mace Tyrell is paralleled to Tywin on the two flanks. It is a tyrell in the van who decides the day. Randyll commands the center.
So Randyll is relegated to an important, but ultimately ancillary position. Whether the battle is won by Tywin or Mace (and by all logistical accounts, it’s Mace), is another question, but the ‘finest soldier in the seven kingdoms’ is once again, somewhat ineffectual. He still commands the center in such a battle, but he displays no logistical or battle prowess (worth of text inclusion) in this fight either, just being a renowned commander in the right place at the right time. He is lumped in with the ‘other lesser lords’ when doling out rewards.

Duskendale and lesser beasts

Summary

· Lord Randyll defeats a northern army. The army is mostly foot and misplaced. It seems to be around a few thousand.
· This time, about half appear to escape bloodied – Clegane cuts off the retreat.
· Some theories say Tarly/Tywin was tipped off by Roose Bolton.
· This time he gets the commander
· Fifth occurs in FIELDS AND FARMS. Bad terrain for a retreat. Glover TRAPPED against blackwater bay
· Note that Glover had to be captured lest bolton treachery be revealed. Cannot be allowed to send raven.
· Strong implication of a trap and tipoff

Quotes

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV
When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart, he might have been expected to rage.

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII
Lord Randyll Tarly held Maidenpool, Duskendale, and the kingsroad.
A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III
"No," their father said. "With the war. Varys."
Yesterday at dawn our ~brave Lord Randyll caught Robett Glover outside Duskendale and trapped him against the sea. Losses were heavy on both sides, but in the end our loyal men prevailed. Ser Helman Tallhart is reported dead, with a thousand others. Robett Glover leads the survivors back toward Harrenhal in bloody disarray, little dreaming he will find valiant Ser Gregor and his stalwarts athwart his path."~
A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I
~As for Stark, the boy is still in the west, but a large force of northmen under Helman Tallhart and Robett Glover are descending toward Duskendale. I've sent Lord Tarly to meet them, while Ser Gregor drives up the kingsroad to cut off their retreat.~ Tallhart and Glover will be caught between them, with a third of Stark's strength."
A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV
"A third of my foot, lost for Duskendale?"
"The ironmen have my castle and now the Lannisters hold my brother," Galbart Glover said, in a voice thick with despair. Robett Glover had survived the battle, but had been captured near the kingsroad not long after.
A Feast for Crows - Brienne II ~Lord Randyll Tarly had commanded Joffrey's army, made up of westermen and stormlanders and knights from the Reach. Those men of his who had died here had been carried back inside the walls, to rest in heroes' tombs beneath the septs of Duskendale. The northern dead, far more numerous, were buried in a common grave beside the sea~. Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. Brienne stopped beside it and said a silent prayer for them, and for Catelyn Stark and her son Robb and all the men who'd died with them as well.

Analysis

Firstly we start with the obvious comparison. Tarly lets Robert escape when Mace otherwise very nearly won the war. Given another chance, Randyll pins his enemy against the sea and plans to not let a man escape. Having somewhat surrounded the opponent on known land, with reinforcements (Clegane) behind him, he still manages to suffer heavy casualties, and the target escapes.
What a colossal mistake. The only good news is he intercepted enough of the force that it seems no ravens got sent off showing exactly what happened, as if one message got back, the whole red wedding could have been undone.
Now prior posts have analyzed duskendale about allowing paths of retreat, and number of losses, but I think there are three key takeaways
· The stark contrast between this and his tactics at Ashford
· The fact that he failed to capture the host and Gregor Clegane had to clean up the mess
· The fact he suffered heavy losses when by all rights he had every advantage (and still failed to capture the army)
Interestingly, the message that gets to Robb is that Tarly shattered glover. The actual message from Varys is only 1000 were killed, with Tallhart. Now its difficult to say how many foot there were, but it’s not unreasonable to assume that 1000 is less than to around half the force. Clegane captures Glover in the aftermath (thankfully), and Robb gets the report that Tarly shattered the force, when in actuality a good chunk of it was Clegane.
As a sidenote- this is indicative that Clegane actually isn’t a bad commander, and in turn this makes the fact that Edmure Tully threw him back more impressive.
We also don’t hear of any captives other than the ones taken by Clegane. It appears Tarly is putting men to the sword (we know he did this with the florents).
Now before we get into conspiracy theories, we see Glover in ADWD conspiring with Madderly to help the starks and Stannis, so it seems this was not some cunning scheme where he secretly got himself captured.
Interestingly, the graves Brienne sees seem to indicate a crushing victory for Tarly, like the one described by Robb. This however is at odds with the report of Varys, and the fact Clegane had to mop up the leftover army. Now there are a few possibilities for this. Varys could be wrong/lying, heavy losses is being thrown around as a relative term (but that seems suspect), or the total of Tarly dead and Clegane’s role is being hidden. The last seems the most likely, Robb hears of a crushing defeat led by Tarly not Clegane (which we know is at least partially false), the dead he kills don’t add up, and there’s no mention of Clegane whom definitely did some of the work.
Also even assuming the whole situation is true and Tarly killed men at a 2/1 ratio, this assumes there are 500 heroes tombs under the septs at Duskendale. Simply put, there may not be that many. The whole aftermath stinks of a coverup. Tarly is getting Cleganes credit (and interestingly, it’s around now that Tywin decides not to give Clegane to oberyn).
Finally we get to the tinfoily bit. Helman garrisoned with Walder Frey to make sure he kept peace. Of the two lords, Helman is arguably more problematic, he knows more of Frey habits (when Tywin is scheming a betrayal) and his nephew is a possible hornwood claimant (cough Roose cough). If there was a conspiracy to kill one and ransom the other – I can see a world where Talhart is the one to be killed. In all reality though, this is a bit too ambitious, and in reality one just died and one escaped – without some super scheme that Tarly was involved in.
So in summary – once again Tarly fails his mission. At best, he bloodies an out of position army whilst taking heavy casualties, with his reinforcements on the way, and half the army breaks free (admittedly into Clegane). This is not a great display of prowess. We also know its possible to capture these men as hostages, as Clegane successfully does so – and Tarly fails to once again. Now it’s not catastrophic as the Northerners are bleeding men and trading troops tit for tat is beneficial, but the battle itself (the thing Randyll is in charge of) is highly unimpressive. The strategic victory goes to Tywin, whom in truth entrusts it as much to Gregor Clegane as to Tarly. As it so happens, Clegane delivers and Tarly doesn’t.

A summary as a commander

Talk about failing upwards
Charging ahead, he is able to turn a crushing win into an indecisive one which ultimately leads to Roberts Rebellion succeeding
He gives counsel to Renly about the sun when renly knows that the sheer strength of his cavalry makes the issue moot. Renly all but ignores him.
He doesn’t appear to do much during the battle of the blackwater
He manages to mess up essentially an ambush at Duskendale. Despite reinforcements being on the way
As a result of the 4 above points, he is given, lands, titles, honors and a position on the small council.
Upon actually reviewing his achievements and each individual battle, I’ve 180’d on Tarly. George RR Martin does a great job building him up, and having everyone describe him as a great commander, but actually unpacking his battles, he looks pretty underwhelming. The most important battle he won was Ashford, but that was a strategic catastrophe which otherwise could have potentially let Mace Tyrell win the war. Afterwards he’s carefully managed, with Renly outright dismissing him, Mace keeping the key positions of command in other people’s hands and Tywin going so far as to dispatch a trusted force behind him in the event he fails again – WHICH HE DOES.
He also has a lot of analogies to Mathis Rowan, which we will get to. Both have been posited in Blood of the Conquerer as possible Aegon supporters. I think the books have very much set this up.

My nephew is graduating this year, and he has DEFINITELY caught the theatre bug. What are some great quotes for the inside of his card?
Thanks all!!!

My lovely elderly mother in law has arranged a holiday in whitby for a week. We don't drive, neither does she. Her husband can't walk, but doesn't use a wheelchair meaning his mobility is short, slow bursts of walking, followed by long rest periods. She's also bringing our 3 year old nephew (my BIL's not mine so I have no control over this) and her scabby wee dog.
Her plan is to book trains, but when I visited whitby and travelled from Leeds a few years ago, there were at least 3 connections, timings were tight and we had to run to catch them. So zero chance of her husband (or her) realistically making these connections.
Her budget won't extend to a private pick-up and drop-off, as we got a quote and it was £700 return for a pet-friendly 4+ person taxi, and that's not in heour budget.
Any options would be great, as my only idea now is to plan the train route and buy individual tickets which will cost a bomb and take an age to do.

So I just gave birth 8 months ago, and the year before that, I got divorced because my husband cheated on me but it was a messy divorce and only my closest family members knew about it... And some friends who I eventually had to inform about it.
After giving birth, my bestfriend of 20+ years reached out to me to check my baby through facetime. She lives in another state. I was still in the hospital at that time, dealing with complications from giving birth. I told her I will contact her when I’m all settled.
Like maybe 1-2 months after that, I was dealing with some post partum depression. I was of course posting photos of my little one on social media for my family members and friends to see who are from outside the country. This bestfriend NEVER reached out again... But I didn’t think anything out of it as I was also really busy being a first time mom.
Then occassionaly my bestfriend would post quotes on her instagram about disrespect, etc. But she never really reached out and never liked any of my baby’s photos I post online... Come December, I sent her a card with my baby’s picture in it and I also gifted her a bookmark customized with her name on it we would give gifts to each other every year on Christmas)... But 2-3 weeks later, heard none from her saying she received the card or the gift. I messaged her after 3 weeks to check if she received and she said yes - 2 days after, I got an amazon box with a water bottle container and a baby gift.... Ok, so it’s probably a gift she sent out of guilt? But that is not the whole point of my story here.
Then I messaged her and thanked her for that. Christmas eve came, I am bothered that she NEVER liked any of my baby’s recent pics but she liked my nephew’s pics instead. Something is off now... I messaged her saying that I feel like we are growing apart (something like that), and she gor furioused...
Saying that I have no time to message her after I gave birth or didn’t tell her about what happened to my ex husband and I who inmy defenss, I also didn’t tell any of my friends about it because it seriously put me in my darkest hour dealing with divorce while pregnant... Then she started bringing up stuff in the past, things she did not like about me or what I did which btw I did not really know about this until that day.
And yes after that, I just found it very immature of her. She is single, no kids... No commitment or no responsibilities. I don’t expect her to understand what I’m going through but gaslighting me like that is a whole new level.
What do you think? Am I in the wrong?

I am located in Southwestern Ontario (Burlington) and am looking to surprise my nephew with a charter in July during which we hope to target Bass and Pike on Lake Erie. We are both new to fishing and have always done shore casually fished while camping, at a friends cottage etc. I have called a few charters getting quotes for a 4 hour trip with the highest being $550 taxes included (well reviewed, website etc.)and the lowest being $400 (no website, only a few posts on Reddit). This is all new to me and wanted to get some feedback:
1) Is this a common price range?
2) Is it common for charters to offer up their services without having all the normal business approach such as website etc.? For example, a guy that has a boat and decides "Hey I think I am going to make some cash and take guys out to fish for while"
3) How do guys on this board vet these guys for safety, paying them up front with deposit etc.
4) Is there anything else I should be looking for? Any advice?
Thanks

(Originally posted in CharlotteDobreYouTube)
Have I got a boomer story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
ETA: we are no longer moving anywhere close to her. If anything, we'd move in the opposite direction.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

So I've been on here a while. This post is probably gonna be the most honest I've ever done. Got in a fight with my mother a little bit this morning ( I don't scream or get violent) my nephew knows that I'm lonely but won't just settle because I feel like my moral compass isn't worth compromise. I want someone need someone who sees me for me I'm disabled I live at home because of my medical needs and cannot work due to those problems. My nephew a 14 year old little asshole constantly berates belittles me calls me gay and a 40 year old virgin .. A virgin I am 40 I am not. Sex shouldn't be a throwaway one night stand with multiple partners in my opinion. I've been a single parent quote unquote since his mother decided drugs were more important. But today I told my mother I don't care how lonely I am it's either him or me because I can't stand being bullied by someone who I live with and pay for. And I was kinda just very much dismissed... it makes me feel very unseen.

Long story short: I got a vasectomy yesterday morning. I know I don't want kids. It's just never been an aspiration of mine, not even in my happiest moments when I'm with my nephew whom I share a birthday with. Not even when I would watch him and his father (my brother) playing and having a good time. That "want" just has never been there for me. Additionally, I don't want every sexual interaction I have with a girl to be ruined in my head by the fear of a condom breaking, no matter how effective it may be. So I felt the best option would be to have this procedure done.
In the minutes leading up to me walking into my doctor's office, I felt fear stop me in my tracks, contemplating getting back in my car and going home. But I pressed on and was in the procedure room in less than five minutes. The doctor was very casual and professional, starting a conversation with me and going from there. But at the first sensation of the anesthetic needle going in, panic nearly overcame me and I started to hyperventilate a bit. Not enough to cause alarm for the doctor, mind you. But enough that he gently ushered me to just breathe normally. And I slowly got better. There were a few other moments of discomfort, but the procedure was done in about 20 minutes I reckon.
But as soon as I got to my car, I cried more than I have in a long, long time. Even when I've been at my lowest, I just don't really cry. But I legitimately was like this for a few minutes. I even wished my dad was there with me just for comfort (he's on a cruise with my mother). But I managed to collect myself and got home safe.
And yet, after only a few hours and into today, I've hardly thought about it. Granted I've been busy doing things around the house. But it's like my brain has come to the realization of "You were crying over something so trivial. You're fine". And I am fine, physically anyway. Mild pain and that's it.
But I thought about Seneca's quote above and how I, to use the old phrase, made a mountain out of a molehill. Yes this is a life altering procedure. But waking up this morning and realizing the worst was now behind me, and that this fear I had has gone...it's liberating. Truly.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sister, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, May 8, Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply.
My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time
So, I am torn on whether it was right of me to put myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

Date: 05/16/2024

Reading time: 14 minutes, 2817 words

🪖 Military

Chamber of Deputies of Luxembourg unanimously adopts motion expressing support for Armenia

The Chamber of Deputies of Luxembourg unanimously adopted a motion expressing support for Armenia. The motion condemns the forced exodus of more than 100,000 Armenians from Nagorno-Karabakh as a result of Azerbaijan's military operation. It calls for the immediate release of Armenian PoWs by Azerbaijan.

Armenpress, Luxembourg lawmakers urge government to act for implementation of ICJ orders by Azerbaijan

Russia expels U.K. defense attache in tit-for-tat move

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Armenpress

Ruben Vardanyan's detention period was extended for another 5 months

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CivilNet, Azerbaijan extends Rune Vardanyan’s arrest by 5 months

Training sessions will be held from June 11 to August 30

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CivilNet

🏛️ Politics & Government

An opposition figure was killed in Azerbaijan

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Zelenskiy visits Kharkiv describing the situation there as “extremely difficult”

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Red Cross visits Armenian captives held in Azerbaijan

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Armenpress

France accuses Azerbaijan of interference in New Caledonia riots

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No new Armenia-Azerbaijan border created, the border existing at time of USSR collapse being reproduced – PM’s Office

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Armenia border residents dissatisfied with delimitation

Residents Kirants are dissatisfied with the results of the delimitation of the border between Armenia and Azerbaijan.

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Deputy Foreign Minister Paruyr Hovhannisyan receives EU Delegation

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Armenian, Jordanian Foreign Ministers express concerns over tense situation in the Armenian quarter of Jerusalem

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Armenpress

Armenian Foreign Minister, PACE President exchange ideas on regional issues

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Prime Minister Pashinyan meets with World Bank and International Finance Corporation leadership

Nikol Pashinyan received the World Bank's Senior Managing Director Axel van Trotsenburg and International Finance Corporation (IFC) Regional Vice President Alfonso Garcia Mora. The progress of joint projects, as well as the potential for diversifying Armenia's economy, were discussed.

Armenpress

Speakers of the Parliaments of Armenia, Azerbaijan have brief conversation

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Armenpress

Armenian Foreign Minister signs Oviedo Convention in Strasbourg

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Armenpress, Armenia signs Council of Europe’s Bioethics Convention

Government approves housing provision program for Nagorno-Karabakh displaced people

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Armenia to establish Embassy in Cyprus

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Legal basis for border delimitation with Azerbaijan relies on the last maps of the USSR- Pashinyan

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Armen Grigoryan and Bogdan Klich discussed regional and extra-regional developments

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Armenpress

World leaders should steer clear of Baku climate conference unless political prisoners are released

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State revenue committee chairman meets with WBcolleagues

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Slovakia's prime minister not in life-threatening condition – deputy PM

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Armenpress, Slovakia PM Robert Fico no longer in life-threatening condition – deputy PM

Healthcare Ministry to receive additional 3 billion AMD to cover government-paid services

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ArkaAm

Yerevan Mayor visits Missak Manouchian’s tomb at French Pantheon

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ArmRadio

💵 Economy

EEU membership is beneficial for Armenia- Pankin

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Armenpress

Granting market status to Armenia's economy discussed in USA

Armenian Economy Minister Gevorg Papoyan met with U.S. officials in Washington. Focus was on Armenia-US bilateral trade and granting Armenia the status of a market economy. In January-March 2024, the Armenian-American trade turnover amounted to more than $108.9 million (37.4% decrease compared to the first quarter of last year)

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''Learn & Work: YSU Expo- 2024'' launched at Yerevan State University

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Armenpress

Byblos Bank Armenia celebrates Students' Day with scholarship recipients

Yerevan State University students who received scholarships from Byblos Bank Armenia gathered to meet with the Bank's CEO, Hayk Stepanyan. The Bank and the university have a history of successful collaboration. 10 YSU students were granted nominal scholarships of AMD 1 million each, while five others received tuition reimbursement.

ArkaAm, Byblos Bank Armenia celebrates Students' Day with scholarship recipients

EBRD and EU boost funding for Armenian firms via Inecobank

The EBRD is providing a US$ 7 million loan to Inecobank for on-lending to Armenian firms. The EU is complementing this support with grant incentives of up to 15 per cent and free local and international consultancy services. At least 70 per cent of loans provided to Ineco Bank will be allocated towards funding investments in green technologies.

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EBRD President Odile Renaud-Basso re-elected for a second term during annual meeting in Yerevan

Odile Renaud-Basso re-elected for a second term as the bank's president. The EBRD is the leading institutional investor in Armenia. The bank has invested more than €2.1 billion in 211 projects in the country’s financial, corporate, infrastructure and energy sectors.

ArkaAm, EBRD Governors re-elect President Odile Renaud-Basso for a second term

Ardshinbank hostspanel discussion on economic and trade sanctions as part of 33rd EBRD Business Forum

Ardshinbank organized a panel discussion on economic and trade sanctions. The main objective of the discussion was to exchange views and assist participants in the practical implementation of sanctions compliance. The meeting also discussed the role of financial institutions in ensuring sanctions compliance, mechanisms for collaboration between the public and private sectors in combating sanctions evasion, and the importance of information transparency.

ArkaAm, Ardshinbank held a panel discussion on economic and trade sanctions within the framework of the 33rd EBRD conference (PHOTO)

Armenian customs find amphetamine in package from US, suspect detained

90 pills of amphetamine found in package sent from U.S. to Yerevan Zvartnots Airport. The package was sent via Globbing Shipping forwarder company. The drug, fully banned in Armenia, was found inside the package alongside edibles and personal items.

ArkaAm, SRC found 90 amphetamine tablets in a shipment sent from the USA to Yerevan (VIDEO)

Donations to Armenia:

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Hello fellow potatoes! And to the potato queen herself, girl, you're amazing!!! I just found your channel a few months ago, but I'm a huge fan. I don't have a lot of time for videos, but when I do get to watch, I watch yours.
Have I got a boomemil story for you! Let's go on an adventure...warning...I tell stories with rabbit holes and tangents. This is probably gonna be too long. I'm sorry!!!
So, the characters are me (40f), boomer MIL (64f BM for short, like bowel movement bc she's caca), my oldest son, (17m), and my church "mom" (65f CM for short).
A little background: BM thinks she's an awesome mom and grandma even though she's not. She uses my kids as facebook props to show off how "wonderful" she is. The only reason she was around my kids so often was because we went to the same church. She lived 10 minutes down the road from us, but could never be bothered to come over or have anything to do with any of us is if we didn't initiate. She has always said that if we ever try to threaten to keep our kids away from her, like if we were having a disagreement, that she would not fight to see them. We've never threatened to keep our kids from her, she just wanted us to know that she didn't give a sh!t to see her gandkids. So, that tells you right there, that she's a grandma when it's convenient for her.
She's of the boomer mentality that mental health issues are made up and aren't real. "You have nothing to be depressed about." "Just snap out if it." "Just be happy." You get the point. I struggle with depression, I always have. She doesn't understand or even try to understand and is the least empathetic person I've ever met.
When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed, and I start shutting down. My plate is overflowing right now. Between the end of the school year and the possibility of us moving states, I've been overwhelmed. My oldest is a senior and the last month of senior year is crazy busy. I have another child (11m) in public school and this is his last year of elementary school, so this has been an extremely busy month for him. I have 3 more kids that do online public school/homeschool. So, they're home all day with online classes, but since they're a public school, they have mandatory state testing just like regular public school. I have had to take them to do state testing on 4 different days overyhe last few weeks and the meeting place was 45 minutes from home, at a conference room in a mall. I also babysit 3 kids (1m, 4m, 4f), so hanging out for 4 to 5 hours a day on 4 different days with a shitload of kids at the f#cking mall was not easy. Not to mention the positions and "jobs" that I hold at church. To say I'm busy is an understatement.
We've been planning on moving for the last few months because a position at my husband's work is coming open near where he grew up, which is in another state. His parents recently moved back to their hometown after my FIL retired, so one reason for the move would be to be closer to them. They are getting older, so I would be taking care of them once they needed it, so moving closer seemed like a great option. Also, it's a lower COL area than we live in now. Currently we live in the metro area of a capital city and we would be moving to a middle of nowhere po'dunk town.
Told you, rabbit holes, thanks for still being with me!!!
And this is just the straw that broke the camel's back, this is not the only reason for my decision.
So, to the actual story...
Last week, I got a mother's day card in the mail from BM. She's a dollar tree card fanatic. It was a very typical card that she sends me. Nothing handwritten except for "love, grandma and grandpa." This is what she writes in all my cards. (Another tangent...last year my mom passed a month before mother's day and that actual mother's day was her and my dad's anniversary. And I had a super complicated relationship with my momster. So, it was an exceptionally hard day for me. The card she got me said "Daughter" in huge letters on the front. I thought it was so incredibly passive aggressive and completely inappropriate for that year. If it would've been any other year, it would've been fine. Also, she never gets me cards that just say "daughter" so, to me, it was a low blow.) (Yet another tangent...she does passive aggressive crap all the time, for instance when she used to do fb birthday posts, she would always ask me to send her a pic to post. I'm picky about what pics are used and she knows that. Last year, I sent her a great pic of me and her son to use. So, she used one from about 12 years ago that looked like absolute poop. It was a surprise pic, so like not even posed, stupid look on my face. No matter what pic I send, and usually send like 3, she uses a completely different one that doesn't even look good.) I got the card last Tuesday. Hubby happened to be talking to her while driving home from work that day, so when he got home, I thanked her for the card and just wanted to give her a heads up that I hadn't gotten a chance to mail hers yet because of everything I had going on. I kinda broke down and was sharing how I felt and she basically just said, "suck it up, it'll be fine." She's always been dismissive of my feelings, always.
So, my CM is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet. She listens to me, lets me share my feelings without being dismissive, and actually shows she cares. I see her twice weekly at church, and text with her during the week. Since BM has moved 8 moths ago, she has called or texted "just to talk or check in on us" less than a handful of times. She only calls/texts when she needs something or on a special occasion. She called my husband to ask about something, not just to talk. I understand now why the oldest grandson, my nephew, didn't even bother to invite her to his and his girlfriend's baby shower where he proposed. She thinks she's an amazing grandma bc she sends birthday money in a card and posts their pics on Facebook. And, she even stopped posting the kids birthday messages on fb bc she said it was "too much trouble." So, she just sticks to her 30 daily inspirational Bible quotes posts. She's the type that was so pissed off that both of her kids went with courthouse marriages instead of going into debt for a wedding because she didn't get to walk down the aisle at her kids' weddings and post pics on fb. She's mentioned this several times, but definitely wasn't even willing to spend a dime towards a wedding that no one wanted except her. She was also unwilling to take a day off work to go to the courthouse with us. With both of her kids' marriages, the kids and partners were together for a while and had kids before getting married, so spending tons of money on a huge wedding for either of us couples wouldn't have been the best way to spend money.
On mother's day, I gave my CM a card with a few lines written in it about how amazing she is and how I'm so grateful for her. I'm way closer to her than BM. CM is my chosen family and to me, your chosen family is the one that means more because you chose them, you didn't just get stuck with them. My blood family is incredibly toxic, so I stick with my chosen family. CM made a fb post with all that she got for mother's day. It was gifts and cards from her own children, and of course my card as well. CM & BM are fb friends, so of course BM saw it. Also, BM has everyone convinced she's this sweet, little old church lady, but she is far from it.
So, this Tuesday she got her cards in the mail. I always give her one from hubby and myself, and a separate one from our boys. I wrote a nice little note in it. Not long, a line or 2, but it was more effort than she put into my card. She sent me and hubby the following in a group text...
Copy and pasted, only edited out names.
"Got my cards in the mail today. 😭. They were post marked Saturday. You could of kept them til I got there or next year. It's like yall bought them Saturday, wrote a few words and rushed to get them to post office. My heart 💔broken. I thought I deserved better. I wish I could send pictures of my card verses [CM] 😩 card. I couldnt tell which gift was yours. But least I have a year to try do better and be worthy of such wonderful words of love and praise that was written to her.
I don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful but I wished you hadn't mailed them.😭😭. I can't explain how crushed I am.😔 Anyway hopefully I will see yall on the 20th."
Note: my oldest son is graduating on the 20th. She was supposed to drive down and spend the night with us to attend the graduation. I honestly believe she picked this fight because she doesn't want to drive the 6 hours down here.
If you "don't mean to complain or seem ungrateful" then why tf did you send it? I asked my husband what was his initial reaction and he said, "Really?!? All she had to do was say thanks."
So, after I talked to my husband and oldest son (I wanted to make sure everyone was on board with what I was saying before I sent it) , I sent her this response:
"I mailed them on Friday, I bought them several weeks ago. I told you I hadn't mailed them yet because I've been in a deep depression and you dismissed my feelings like always. I have real, valid feelings and you always dismissed them as silly. And come after me because now you're feelings are hurt. Wow, ok. The absolute audacity. And it's not just with your cards that I'm slacking. It's with everything. Because I have depression. I'm overwhelmed on top of that and literally the only thing you care about is a card. I tried to express my feelings the other day on the phone and you dismissed them like you always do. I know things will be fine, but in this moment they are not and you don't get that. Because you don't understand how or why I feel the way I do, then my feelings are silly or invalid to you.
And I never gave [CM] a present. Don't know why you thought that.
Don't worry about coming down on the 20th."
She replies by trying to blackmail me;
"Well my am so sorry I said anything. I never realized you thought that about me. I never dismissed your depression but yes i never knew what to do for you. I am not going to go back and forth about this. I will text [son] and let him know you told me not to come."
She's not sorry to me for being dismissive, she's sorry because now she doesn't get her "Proud MeMe moment" and can't post pictures of her at his graduation on fb. And even if she didn't "know what to do" for me, all she had to do was ask. Or listen. Or give a damn hug. But, no, she just dismissed me bc to her depression isn't real. And she's not going back and forth bc she knows shes wrong! Little did she know that I had already cleared it with hubby and son before sending the text, so I think she thought it would make me look bad to my oldest son that I told her no to come. Oldest son said, "I'm neutral, I don't care if she comes or not. It's not like she's had anything to do with us since she moved, and barely had anything to do with us when she was here."
So, my last text to her said, "He knows. I asked him before I texted you, and he's good with it."
All she had to do was say thanks or not even say anything at all. But, no, she had to say something stupid. Even her own son said that she's lucky she even got a card bc if it was up to him, her actual son, she wouldn't have gotten anything. So, not only is she not invited to the graduation, she's never welcome in my home again. The great part is I don't have to share my holidays with her ever again!!! And please know that I'd never keep her grandchildren from her, but if she wants a relationship with them, she'll have to put some effort in. And we all know boomers hate effort.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you my friends!

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma & Susan did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties with Susan in that very moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision which she later went back on.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better. This is literally in the same conversation where I already listed how she was treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 2024) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. I made it clear to Sam, who told Susan I would not be attending and I had made it clear in January that when the time came, I would l not be attending their funerals. Which clearly they saw as an empty threat. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I was concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health, jeopardizing her relationship with Susan, Gene or Norma, crossing boundaries (boundaries she never clarified or explicitly said to me ONCE) and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?
EDIT: I realized that this post may have appeared as me venting more than asking for perspective since my mind was already made up about going full NC, but the reason I pose AITA is in reference to the timing. My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time…So, I am torn between if did the right thing by putting myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️

UNMARKED SPOILERS BELOW, I will sadly go into spoiler territorry so often the post would look like a bad SCP Foundation article if I tried to black out every single one.
First thing I thought upon finding out about the Wizard Three in Sigil, was an opportunitty to include more iconic characters. As we learned more about their role I noticed several complaints about them. Like, "why are we having epic level NPCs relegating the work to mid-level party"? Or "isn't Tasha evil? What is she doing here?" Or "how the hell did Kas fool Tasha, who knows Mordekainen very well?". And so an idea to fix these issues all at once presented itself to me.
In this version of adventure, the PCs are summonned not by Wizard Three, but Wizard Nine. Nine iconic, high-level wizards or other magic users from across D&D worlds or even beyond. They were all summonned to Sigil,to each tap into one of Outer Planes of appriopriate aligment and channel that power into Wish, so symbolically the Will of the entire multiverse wished of Vecna's death. You could even call it something like "Wish of All", make it some greatest magic avialable, maybe something you can only cast from Sigil, center of all. This kind of metaphysical 90's-Vertigo/Mage the Ascension level stuff is what I think of when I think of Planescape.
Once the Wish of All fails, the wizards realize it means one of them must not be who they claim, but an imposter misaligned with their designated plane, possibly an agent of Vecna. So they immediatelly lock themselves in Sanctuary - only PCs can enter and leave because they weren't in the room during the casting. And every time they return with next piece of the Rod, they find Wizards in most disfunctional game of Among Us ever, often probably erupting into violence - this is nine geniuses working AGAINST each other, as everyone suspects everyone. Obviously all these people are warded against all common means of discovering an impostor - Zone of Truth, mind-reading, etc - because you don't get to be this powerful of a Wizard without guarding all your secrets safer than national treasures.
Now, you could keep the original reveal, where Mordekainen is the imposter. If you do, I would advocate against bringing any magic users who know him, like Tasha, Elminster, Storm Silverhand or Dalamar the Dark. If you decide to change the imposter's identity, you can happily bring in some of them, but I would avoid those who know each other (so if you want Elminster, then no Mordekainen or Dalamar).
Evil characters can work with this group because of several reasons, which they should be open about. They may vary from "You think I don't realize that, alongside everyone else, Vecna is going to screw ME over?", through "uppity gods need to be put in their place, especially this one" to "I would love what the guy is promising to do to all creation, but I'm not bending my knee to NOBODY!".
Below is a list of proposed characters to use from as many worlds I could think of. I will be coming back to this post to add more names and more worlds with further research, potentially going even beyond strictly WotC settings. You can drop your own suggestions, I will happily add them to the list with next edit. All requirements are that the character is able to cast 9th level Arcane spells, or has reputation backing up that they should, If you have any notes for potential DM willing to use them, please provide them as well.
Eberron - I noticed most of suggestions for Eberron are of evil variety, due to the setting's lack of high-level heroic NPCs (with two exceptions that cannot leave their seats of power), but we'll work with what we have

• Mordain the Fleshweaver is the most popular suggestion, being a rare 18th level Wizard in Eberron, Chaotic Evil type. An issue is that Mordain is often used, and even recommended by Keith Baker to be used, as Eberron's stand-in for Vecna. If you wanna run adventures with Hand or Eye of Vecna in Eberron, they are hand and Eye of Mordain. This may disqualify him, but you could alternatively play into it. Have Mordain rant Vecna is "ripping him off!" or call the lich "a pale immitation of true dark sorcery".
• Hektula is Keith Baker's personal choice for a stand-in for Tasha. She is a powerful Rakshasa Archmage, with passion for collecting forbidden tomes of dark magic, serving one of the Overlords and firmly Lawful Evil. I certainly could see some laughs when wizards realize there's an impostor among them and all eyes turn towards Hektula, who goes "Of course, blame the shapeshifter!".
• I have seen floated around idea for Sora Kell or her three daughters. The Daughters canonically, in 3rd edition, had levels 10 or 11 on top of being half-fiend Hags. You could maybe handwave that they get to cast 9th level spells as a coven. Sora Kell is more ambigious, with no statblock and her lore giving vibes of Baba Yaga and fans compare her to Demon Lords in power level. Personally I feel she would stand out too much.

Exandria (Critical Role) - most Exandria characters don't reach this high level - even Circle of Brass from Calamity were level 15. However, I found two options to provide a bit of fanservice for any critters at your table, both Chaotic Good:

• The Mighty Nein Reunion got us level 20 versions of Caleb Widogast, a great excuse for a DM to do their best Liam O'Brian impression of angsty, traumatized bi diseaster wizard, who really wishes he was back with his boyfriend, instead of being trapped here with all those assholes. Bonus point for his backstory potentially making him more distrustfull of other members of the Nine.
• Not a wizard but a Bard, but if you want to bend a defintion a bit, Scanlan Shorthalt could be pulled out from a moment in time before he lost an ability to cast Wish. Considering this happens in final episode of Campaign 1 and their final enemy was Vecna, it would be thematically appriopriate.
• u/LarameeDND had suggested two additional characters I didn't think of. First of which is Marinet Ludinus Da'leth, whom they describe as "likely the strongest mage on the Wildemount Continent", possibly the oldest mage alive, and a character whom Campaign 3 fans will certainly despise. It may be interesting to make it clear he's been picked from a point in time between campaigns 2 and 3, so he can make some cryptic references. He is canonically Lawful Evil and while he may have no love for the Gods, he cares for mortals, so he may talk about how he "watched the world burn at Gods' behest" once and won't do it again and similiar remarks. Guy's very quotable. Also, if you want to emphasise Wizard hubris in them trying the Wish to begin with, I would suggest making it his idea, it fits.
• Second suggestion was The Bright Queen Leylas Kryn, Empress of the Kryn Dynasty, who prolonged her life thanks to reincarnating like eight of times, allowing her to, quote, "master most of the magics as well as developed a madness". Her official aligment is Lawful Neutral.

Krynn (Dragonlance)

• Raistlin Majere is by FAR the most iconic character of the entire Dragonlance, the go to if you want to include a Dragonlance character. Dragonlance Saga 15th anniversarry lists his aligment as Neutral, while 3rd edition book Legends of the Twins lits him as a Neutral Evil - the latter is after he becomes Master of Time and Present, powerful enough to be included.
• Dalamar the Dark - after Raistlin's demise, Dalamar was touted as new most powerful wizard, even matched with Mordekainen and Elminster to form original Wizard Three. He is also listed as Neutral Evil, but I would argue he could be Lawful Evil.
• Fistandantilus - the greatest wizard before Raistlin, he is also Neutral Evil, but I woudl argue he's more Chaotic Evil, due to his tendency to backstab other wizards to steal their power. I honestly cannot see this guy working in this adventure, he seems like he would try to bodyjack someone and get 8 Desintegrates to the face. He could be a new choice for an impostor, and I may revisit ths idea in the future.
• Phalin Majere - if you want a good-aligned representative of Krynn, Raistlin's nephew, Phalin is basically a magical prodigy, chosen one and firmly Lawful Good. The issue may be that it may be hard to find a time where he is powerful enough to be here, but before Wizard magic on Krynn went away (because all Gods, including Gods of magic, f*ed off to space and then had the whole planet stolen from under their noses by Takhisis) and he had to reclass to Sorcerer, starting all the way from the bottom. On the other hand, this may be a good hint he's been replaced by an impostor...
• u/doppelganger3301 suggested Fizban, who could certainly be fun, but there is one problem - Fizban is a god Paladine in disguise. The moment he shows up in Sigil, Lady of Pain will start throwing hands. You could potentially use Paladine from end of War of Souls Trilogy, when he gave up his divinity, but I do not know enough about that Paladine to be able to tell if he can still assume form of Fizban or has access to high level magic anymore.

Magic the Gathering - there are many worlds in this franchise, but they're often very shallow, so I will group this stuff together. I do feel that Magic Worlds have been enough part of D&D that inclusion of

• My first pick would be Liliana Vess, originally from Dominaria, nowadays hanging out on Arcavios, home world of Strixheaven. Strixheaven book lists her as true neutral, and she has a history full of twists and turns where this character development from original evil could be justified. Personality-wise she could be the easiest quick replacement for Tasha, even if you don't feel like putting in the whole group of nine wizards. She has similiar dark, but morally ambigious demeanor, has been through her share of apocalypses and her face turn is noticeably more beleivable. I would advise against putting her in one group with Tasha, for similair reasons - too much overlap. Also if you have player bringing back a Curricullum of Chaos PC for this game, I can only imagine their jaw drop upon seeing "Professor Vess" among greatest wizards in the Multiverse. "Hey look, it's Merlin. Gandalf, Doctor Strange and...my chemistry teacher?" kinda vibe.
• Teferi Akosa, originally from Dominaria, now his homeland of Zalfir became a separate plane. He was always extremely powerful, what with accidentially phasing his whole country out of time and space. He was always heroic and good intended, but often prone of getting unwaranted suspictions from others, which makes him good for this kind of plot - not the first time he will be, with frustration, trying to convince bunch of assholes, each one of whom thinkd themselves smarter than everyone else, to listen to reason.
• From Ravnica we could pull either Jace Beleren or the dragon-mage Niv-Mizzet, during their respective time as the Living Guildpact, representative of all Ten Guilds of Ravnica. In this position they could fit well for neutral-aligned places of aligment chart, Jace leaning towards Neutral Good or Lawful Neutral somewhat more. With how beloved Ravnice was as a 5e setting, I suspect the inclusion here would be a nice touch.
• Speaking of Dragons, here is a crazy idea - Nicol Bolas, one of greatest villains in Magic as Chaotic Evil representative. Okay, it may be not a good idea, I cannot imagine a situation where he doesn't try to hijack the plot and take Vecna's place, or just kill everyone when the problem of potential traitor arises. Still, the idea of this really evil demigod-drgon being his petty, snarky self towards other iconic characters is kinda funny. That being said, he may also be the impostor posing as someone else on this list. But that too would be a big change to the plot I may revisit once.
• For a reach more into Magic's past, we have Urza, original protagonist of this franchise. He would fit well into Lawful Neutral or even Lawful Evil role, considering last time he dedicated himself to stop multiversal-level threat, original Phyrexia, his means quickly "begun resembling Phyrexian ends". This is the guy who, in attempt to save the world, honestly tried to, to quote the Lorebrarians, "out-eugenics a wizard nazi". Seriously, so much of Magic lore can be summed up with words "Local Man Ruins Everything" and a picture of Urza.
• A different type of Magic candidate is Jodah, ultrapowerful Archmage who is not a planeswalker like others on this list, but had to often maneuver around them, so he is used to having to outsmart powerful people. He represents all colors of mana so he would fit for any of middle collum positions, Neutral or Neutral Good probably.
• Jodah's old associate, Jaya Ballard, could also work very well, considering she did eventually became so powerful, some planes confused her with a diety and established religions to her. She strikes me as a Neutral Good candidate.

Mystara - one of my beloved classic worlds, poses an issue because it never conformed to classic 9-types aligment, instead opting for lawful (defined as "altruistic") and chaotic ("selfish"). A rare exception, 2e book Glantri: Kingdom of Magic, was a big help here, I managed to crib some extra information from Champions of Mystara and Dawn of the Emperors.

• Prince Haldemar of Haaken - protagonist of series of short stories "Voyage of Princess Ark". Daring explorer, captain of flying ship Princess Ark, hero of Empire of Alphatia. Champions of Mystara describes him as good and heroic but having "typical Alphatian chaotic thendencies". As such I'd lean towards Chaotic Good or Neutral Good.
• Bargle the Infamous - Chaotic Evil, full stop. If D&D ever had something close to the Joker, it was Bargle. Bargle was originally an evil wizard who kills mentolove interest of the player in an introductory adventure of Red Box, but this made him enemy #1 of whole generations of players and elevated to the status of, argurably, first iconic evil wizard of the game. I would be wary of using him, as any D&D veteran or grognard may forget about Vecna in favor of trying to strangle the guy with his bare hands. As the true identity of the impostor, on the other hand...
• Demetrion Karagentreropolus - most powerful Archmage in Empire of Thyatis (think: fantasy Roman Empire), he is of lawful aligment and described as sometiems working secretly to undermine Emperor's decisions, but only the ones he finds to be bad for the Empire and its people. As such he could slot as Lawful Good.
• Empress Eriadna the Wise of Alphatia - current Empress of Alphatia, canonically of Neutral aligment, but Icould argue Lawful Neutral too, she rules most powerful empire in the world and probably haven't conquered all of it only because her subjects care more for magical research and getting high. She's 80-years old, but a lot of powerful people in Mystara gorge on potions of longevity.
• Prince Zandor - 40-years old son of empress Eriadna, described as "chaos personified", his aligment is literally described as "Chaotic (very)". Thanks to Mr. Welch, it became popular to play him as wizard version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Use him if you want a comic relief.
• Master Terari - former Emperor of Alphatia, he abdicated in favor of Eriadna and disappeared, he now runs magic school in a small kingdom of Karameikos, and is working to ascend to Immortality (basically godhood without calling it so, I won't be getting into differences here).
• Principalities of Glantri have multiple Princes of various inds of aligment. I will list those of high enoguh level, but two I would avoid are Eitienne d'Amberville and Jaggar von Drachenfels, since they are actually disguised Immortals (Rad, patron of magic and Diamond, discount Bahamut, respectively, that second one is somewhat ambigious but not worth getting into details). Immortals officially aren't Gods, but this can sometimes be a distinction without difference, so I cannot see them showing up in Sigil without Lady of Pain nuking the whole building.
• Princess Carnelia de Belcadiz y Fedorias (Lawful Neutral, would be considered most beutiful woman if the world if people weren't terrified of er short temper combined with huge magical power) and Princess Carlotina Erewan (LG, considered of dubious trust due to her divided loyalities between Glantri and Elven Kingdom of Alfheim) rule two Elven principalities, the latter rules more traditional Elves, the former's subjects are...Spanish Elves. Yes, really. They do not like each other, it often feels like they'd go to war over what kind of trees should grow in the kingdom.
• On the evil side we have Prince Morphail Gorevitch-Woszlany (wizard Nosferatu, which is like Vampire with less weaknesses, think Strahd on steroids), Princess Dolores Hilsbury (actually Synn the Night Dragon, final boss of classic beat'em up game Shadows Over Mystara, in disguise) and Prince Brannart McGregor (lich, he's actually from real-world Scotland, I kid you not). All three are Chaotic Evil and hide their true nature, though considering Morphail looks like he walked out of set of Dracula, they aren't trying very hard. May be good for a red herring due to that fact.
• Rounding Glantri princes we have Prince Jherek Virayana, Neutral, master of illusions. He deflected to Glantri from their mortal enemies, Ethengar Khanates (think Gengis Khan's Mongols, with serial numbers filled off), so he is used to being under suspiction for treachery.

Oerth (Greyhawk)

• I don't want to spend much time on Oerth since I suspect anyone using this will use either Mordekainen and/or Tasha, who are already in the module. But some alternatives could be any of wizards who have spells named after them - Bigby is Neutral, Tenser is Lawful Good, Leomund is Lawful Neutral or Lawful Good, Nystrul is Neutral, Rary is Neutral Evil.
• If we want to go beyond that, next two iconic magic users from Oerth would be...Acererak and Vecna. I see a bit of a problem here, not gonna lie.

Toril (Forgotten Realms)

• Alustriel was already included. She and her five sisters (not counting Dove Silverhand, who is a Ranger, and a Ghost) all fit similair role as "big good immortal sorcerress". With exception of Alassra Silverhand a.k.a. Simbul the Witch-Queen, who is Chaotic Neutral, they're all Chaotic Good, so I see little point switching Alustriel for another one if you want CG spot to be fit by someone from Toril. If you keep the twist unchanged from the module, I would also be wary of using Storm Silverhand, who, according to Ed Greenwood, helped real Mordekainen recover after his role in Curse of Strahd and has a "friends with benefits" relationship with him.
• On a second thought, I will make a very specific case for one of Seven Sisters to replace Alustriel - Laeral Silverhand, Lady Mage of Waterdeep. Not only is she more likely to be someone players in 5e have encountered, due to Waterdeep modules, but also gives us a very interesting alternative for potential traitor. You see, for a while Laeral was in posession and under the influence of Crown of Horns - a very powerful and also very cursed artifact, that drives the user insane and makes them a puppet of Myrkul, god of the dead. If a version of Laeral from a point in time when she was influenced by the Crown managed to sneak in, masquerading as her future (our present) self, while secretly carrying will of Myrkul, she could be great replacement for disguised Kas. Myrkul would be playing dangerous game, but Lady of Pain leaves servants of gods alone, if they behave, so as long as he wouldn't try to directly possess Laeral while in Sigil, he theoretically wouldn't risk being flayed to atoms on every plane of existence at once (you could also give Crown of Horns all abilities of Crown of Lies to somewhat increase beleivability Laeral slipped under Lady of Pain's radar). And, being dead, I could see him working with Kas for a grand prize - putting the crown on Vecna and posessing a Greater God. Kas gets his revenge, Myrkul gets to have physical body again and go way ahead of Bane and Bhaal, maybe even finish Vecna's ritual with himself at the center?
• Elminster is also Chaotic Good, I don't get why WotC shy away from using him. I get he is controversial, but his exclusion has been kinda awkward here, they found a way to make getting rid of him a Monkey's Paw situation. They really don't think Kas can fool Elminster, but he can fool Tasha? As far as I know only one of them slept with Mordekainen, like come on! Anyway, if you want to use him, Elmisnter is also Chaotic Good, so kinda redundant with other Chosen of Mystra.
• Larloch the Shadow-King or Szass Tam could each work as a powerful lawful evil lich, that allies with the good guys out of spite against interloper god that dared throw their weight around and claim godhood over THEIR world. Larloch in particular is no stranger of going against gods and their servants, especially those who seek to rewrite rules of magic that is basic of his power - just ask Shar and her servants at Shade Enclave. Oh wait, you cannot, Laroch got them killed.
• While characters from Baldur's Gate 3 end their adventure around 13th level, the book Minsc & Boo's Journal of Villainy contains statblocks of multiple characters from previous two games. Edwin Odesserion, infamous Red Wizard of Thay, is among them, powerful enough to fit in the group as a bit of fanservice. His aligment is Lawful Evil.
• u/DolanWolfsbane made an excellent suggestion to use Halaster Blackcloak, the chaotic evil mad mage of the Undermountain, who could be motivated to stop Vecna, because if Vecna wins, Halaster loses all the toys to play with.
• u/DrTenochtitlan adds a suggestion of Gromph Baenre, brother of Jarlaxe and the man who caused the events of Out of the Abyss/Rage of Demons. Apparently recent novels made him clear enemy of Lolth, who is one of major antagonists in this module, but also pushed him from his past official Chaotic/Neutral Evil aligment towards Neutral or Chaotic Neutral territory. Either way, wanting to get back at Lolth gives him interesting motivation.

Wildspace (Spelljammer) - It is a bit confusing how to count these characters, as some of them come from other worlds lidted in here. But if they are mostly well-known in Spelljammer, I beleive they should be representing that setting. Thanks to Spelljammer fandom legend Night Druid and other friends, who helped compile the list of suitable characters upon my request, that I then picked from whoever looked interesting

• Gamalon Idogyr is an interesting case - in past editions he actually returned from Wildspace to Forgotten Realms and settled down in Tethyr, but in 5e, which moved timeline back a bit, he is back in space. He is known to be an exceptionally powerful mage, and expert on artifacts, so he may provide some loredump on few, like the Rod itself. He may also provide PCs with magic items if you removed Alustriel. He is surprisingly consistently listed as Chaotic Good, despite his demeanor and activities suggesting, imo, lawful or at least neutral position.
• Also from Tethyr is Elaena Whitebranch, better known as the Mist Princess, a chaotic evil wizard pirate, ruthless enough to trade with Neogi (one guess what these guys may be trading) and pragmatic and self-serving enough to abbandon her crew to save her own skin. That last aspect may help justify her being part of this team-up, on the "I want to save the multiverse because I'm one of the idiots living in it!" grounds.
• Proconsul Gadaric Main is a chaotic neutral option from 5e, described as a stereotypical bearded mage, both hot-headed and unrealiable, he serves as advisor to current ruler of Rock of Bral, if you want to underline the political aspects of the crisis more, have him as representative of the Rock, maybe even an ambassador to Sigil?
• There is a surprising number of undead from classic products. Lost Ships gives us Dark Pharaoh (Mummy Lord and Lv 20 Cleric) and his laurietants Xiontarn and Iiileth, each a lich. The liches may be a good red herring for a traitor, as, contrary to common depictions of a lich, they're fiercely loyal to their master and hold no ill will to each other, so any suspiction would be severly misplaced.
• The same book gives us Sharangar Szeltune, a chaotic good female lich with romantic heart, who sought adventurers with whom she could travel the Wildspace. I'm tempted to include her just because she would be overjoyed to be in this room with other wizards, and because the humor of a lich seeking high adventure is oh so on brand for Spelljammer. If not here I'd still find a place for her somewhere in the adventure.
• Another interesting option would be Meredith, also known as Larabet Vintara or Nimone, or under nicknames Ice Queen or Lady Chaos. Another Spelljamming pirate wizard, she's from the comics. Over 200 years old, a mercernary, considered "a threat to the cosmic balance" by Elminster due to doing so much piracy. She was in the pirate bussiness when Waterdeep was only fishing village. I would gladly put her as chaotic neutral or chaotic evil, she feels like a very rich character to draw from.
• On the neutral evil level we have Mongrelle, High Councilor, Court Sorcerress and Master Breeder (Breeder being a sort of warrior-mage caste) of the Vodoni Empire, close confidant of the Emperor Vulkaran the Dark. She is an excellent politician and espionage specialist, which may come handy in the situation with wizards.

Other - here I will put characters who somehow seem the only candidates from their respective worlds.

• From the world of Athas, a.k.a. Dark Sun, u/jukebox-jester suggests Dregoth, who is canonically only planar traveller among tyrannical rulers of this world, Sorcerer Kings. Dregoth the Dread King, Ravager of Giants, who was slain by other Sorcerer Kings for his attempts to become a dragon and/or a diety, only to return as a Chaotic Evil Dragon-Lich hybrid. He is an interesting choice, especially if you tie his presence to the question of where the hell did Athas go on the maps of Spelljammer - maybe disappearance of Athasspace could be a sign of Vecna's spell, and Dregoth just happenned to be somewhere else when his homeworld vanished, now seeking revenge on Vecna?
• Another amusing idea would be a character we don't even know what world he is from, I think some fans just call it "the Realm" - Venger from the 80's cartoon. That weird Demon/Devil Sorcerer who has an unexplained beef with Tiamat. WotC was teasing his comeback in a separate product, but I feel his appearance in here could fit the "50 years celebration milestone" vibe of the adventure, and Wizards Nine gives us a good place to do it.

Domains of Dread (Ravenloft) - I put this one last because of unique use we could have out of Domains of Dread in this campaign. You see, we know that characters trapped in Demiplane of Dread cannot leave that easily, they need Dark Powers' permission. And Dark Powers are backing up Kas. In the comments u/Zahariel pointed out if wizards realize there is an imposter among them, Kas would fail all tests an archmage would easily pass. I have also seen multiple complaints how both main antagonists of this campaign - Vecna nad Kas - are absent from most of it, with many ideas being thrown around about having Kas as an active rival that competes for pieces of the Rod. It occured to me that he may play that role, while we still have an impostor - another character trapped in Demiplane of Dread could be working with Kas and the Dark Powers, in exchange for their freedom. This way we could even allow PCs to Sherlock Holmes who the traitor is between collecting different pieces of the Rod, and still can have Kas show up with hordes of monsters to steal the Rod later. All that matters is they do not impersonate a character of the same aligment, and wield strong magic on their own. Here are some candidates for this role:

• From Forgotten Realms, we could reach for semi-official suppliment Minsc and Boo's Journal of Villainy, written by lead writer of first two Baldur's Gate games. It suggests an alternate fate for main villains of Baldur's Gate II - Jon Irenicus and his sister Bodhi - that places them in Demiplane of Dread, leading their own evil cult working towards their escape. He is neutral evil, she is Chaotic Evil
• From Mystara, we have Meredoth, main antagonist of classic Ravenloft module Ship of Horrors, condemned to Demiplane of Dread afre his negligence caused his subjects to die of starvation. TWICE!. He is cursed to be unable to discover new magic on his own and having to steal knowledge, so he would be itching, as a mole, to steal from other eight wizards in the room. He's Chaotic Evil.
• An interesting option would be Firan Zal'honan, the mysterious archmage wandering Domains of Dread, introduced in Van Richten's Guide...who just strangely happens to have the same name as birth name of Azalin Rex, mysterious missing Darklord of Darkon domain, infamous lich from Oerth. It's all but implied Azalin escaped, partially, by becoming human again and is now travelling the Mists in disguise. I could totally see this guy working with Kas, since Azalin always had a bit of an inferiority complex towards Vecna. And if he gets to actually escape the Mists for his efforts, it gives a good recurring villain that could show up in future games. And unlike some characters, I could see him being in Faerun as justified - with the canonical ending, he would want to stay the hell away from Oerth.

That's for now, but rest assured, I shall be returning to this post to update it with more characters, potentially more campaign worlds even. Your suggestions whom to add are always welcome.