How to tell if she like you quiz

(Skip to the end to see the informal poll and avoid the anxious ramble)
My first year of teaching was a disaster from beginning to end. I know most teachers’ first year is the worst and you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing bc you don’t know what you’re doing and there’s so much pressure. Etc.
Even beyond the more typical misery was a lot of personal life tumult and turmoil and trauma and chaos going on, including a debilitating (somewhat unofficial but more or less confirmed based on symptoms) diagnosis I have to live with now without having much insight as to prognosis. And a lot more discomfort involving loved ones.
Reflecting on this year is almost as traumatic as the experience itself. I had next to zero support, with the exception of about 2 weeks under the guidance of an amazing master teacher. But that was it. The morale at the school was beneath rock bottom. Every single day was worst than the day before. I tried to go in positive. But with very few exceptions, everyone was miserable and no one tried to hide it. People were directly rude to me, condescending, sarcastic, openly comtemptful, angry, hated the kids and cursed about them and screamed at them (“shut UP!!!!” “MORON! GET OUT!” “You’re STUPID, I should have LET that student hit you!” “I woulda hit you in the face too if you’d done something like that to me!” Just a few quotes off the top of my head, not to mention one slamming the door on my sped teacher’s face along with our sped students, which the principal did absolutely nothing about despite his friendship with the sped teacher). Discipline/behavior was an absolute JOKE. I think I’ve painted an accurate picture of how awful it was.
I guessed my way through everything but did my absolute best and figured everything out. A bit of productive struggle and hey, by the end of the year I was an expert in a lot of things I knew nothing about months earlier. My rapport with my students was great, to give myself some credit. They loved me. Albeit too much—they thought of my softness as a doormat. They felt free and liberated in my classroom bc I seldom raised my voice. Unfortunately what they’re accustomed to is only listening when yelled at, and as a new teacher, I did not have better tools to manage classroom behavior, beyond building relationships, and my class was a bit out of control. It became all about getting through the curriculum through the 3rd quarter.
My benchmark scores went up, which was pretty amazing considering everything. However at the very beginning of the 4th quarter my principal informed me that he wasn’t renewing my contract and that he would never let me teach 4th grade again, that “I don’t know if I would ever let you teach any grade level, maybe try pre-k—you get nap time and someone is always with you.” So he wrote off my career as an elementary teacher after just a few months of teaching. I could go in about how he had covertly brought in his very own former student (who had only recently began prepping to take the Praxis) as my replacement, unofficially “employed” but “technically not.” But I don’t want to get into that, as furious as it made me. I just stopped writing lesson plans bc no way was I gonna train her for free when they gave me zero support through the year.
I had way more bad days than good—the kids and my para got me through it! I was grateful for that. They were wonderful and I miss them. But I was made to feel incompetent. I slowly started to realize that him booting me was a blessing in disguise, especially after learning how many students I’d have had next year. And some other changes that won’t be helpful.
There’s also a lot of BS going on in our state regarding education. So things are not exactly going to get easier. Alas, I need a paycheck and I went to school and passed praxis to be a teacher. I’m 44 so it’s not like I have many options.
But I did actually finally get an interview at a library last week! I’d applied for 6 years and never got so much as a phone call. Unfortunately it’s part time and drastically less pay (which is honestly pitiful). And it would take me years to make close to what I make now. And I was just getting into certification so as a teacher I’d get a $10k raise. Buuut I really don’t want to miss a rare opportunity to get my foot in the door at the library!
I’ve got dozens of job offers in my district. I had 6 principals call me and email me yesterday alone! I know I could make decent money. But I don’t want to turn down the library job, which absolutely would not cut it financially.
I forgot to mention a key component of this dilemma: Teaching is extremely overstimulating to me. I’m autistic/adhd. This was part of my misery. Between my loud a/c units in my classroom and the kids noises desks constantly clanking and kids constantly talking over me etc etc etc, and the awful attitudes of most coworkers and all the other stuff, I barely made it to the end of the year. I know most of us actually feel that way, but my day to day in the classroom is beyond awful. I cried constantly, most days I felt frustrated, and some days I even had moments where I could not even talk anymore and had to go home (these days where at least one kid told me to “Shut the f- - k up b-tch!” or fought or both plus admin treated me like crap and I had enough). Not to mention spending entire weekends and weeknights writing lesson plans, creating lessons, grading, entering grades, etc etc etc. All I could think about every day was how much I wished I could get a library job!! I even had a student tell me I would make a better librarian than teacher. She was excited when I got the call about the interview lol.
But what if my next school is better? What if I go in knowing expectations and having a better idea of how to do things and how to establish classroom procedures, what if it’s better? What if it’s stupid to give up on a better paying job? I’d love to get my MLIS but realistically, there aren’t very many librarian jobs and moving isn’t an option. The day to day would almost be worth the paycut. I’ve contemplated doing both, just for one year. I know that sounds nuts, and it’s risky, but what’s more important? My paycheck, or my mental health?! I honestly don’t know! I need the money. But I also need a peaceful environment.
Here are my options:
A) Substitute w library for almost the same money as I made uncertified, which was barely enough
B) Library + teaching full time bc you’re insane and unrealistic
C) Library only + MLIS bc it’s your dream & short term paycut is worth long term happiness.
D) Girl, are you insane?! Teaching only bc it’s the smart move!

Hi. I am Satou, 26 years old, a bi-sexual female. I have online friends which I met from one of my fandoms. I never met them once personally. We just met at X and decided to create a group chat and group direct messages (FB messenger and X), we're composed of 9 bi-sexual females and lesbians, and one of them is my crush, let's just name her JY. At first, JY was just a normal friend just like the others. We rarely interact and we don't talk that much. Until one day, I don't know what came over her, but she just started throwing me punch lines in our group chat. Later on, she told me that it's just for the "trippings", that all those punch lines has no meaning at all, that she's just trying to ride the flow with all the teasings going on in our group chat. Of course, it hurts. As much as I hate to admit it, I was lead on, and I started to like her. She pulled me in, and without a doubt, I go in, but I already accepted the truth that it's merely nothing.
After that, I asked her to stop the trippings because I don't wanna get involved with that kind of game anymore, she agreed and apologized, and we continued being pals. However, after a month, she started acting like that again, like casually asking me if she can enter in my life, telling me that she want to play 8 balls with me so she can be with me, that she has a crush on me, and everything else. I don't wanna get fooled anymore, so I just simply shrugged it off, however, my curiosity and the feelings that I buried deeply got the best of me.
So, I ask her what is that blurting all about. I ask her if it's just for the trippings and for the fun that's why she's doing that. I am expecting her to answer that it is, that's it's just part of the trippings, but then she answered that "What if it's true?", "It's true. You don't believe it?" I asked her why and she told me everything. After that, we started talking and knowing each other, we talk about lot of things, and we also found out that we have a lot of similarities. I was so happy to know that side of her, I feel so elated in just talking her, and I feel like I was the happiest girl in the world, because the woman I like likes me back. Little did I know that very moment was just temporary.
In the next day, she greeted me good morning, I greeted her back, but after that she left me on read, and she never return my chats for 3 days, until I received her message, telling me that: she don't wanna talk to me anymore, that she just realized that she's not ready to entertain someone yet, and that we should just end our conversation. 🥹
Idk, but I'm hurt. The feelings I have for her is real. Even so, things must have an end so I bid her a goodbye and wished her well. Yet, I can't get over her. Idk what's wrong. I am confused. Is saying goodbye the right thing? Or I should have wait? But I felt like I got played. I don't know how many times I listened "Say Don't Go" by Taylor Swift on loop because that's what happening to me right now.
Why does she have to pull me in, only to be pushed away? Why does she made me want her, only to keep me hanging? If she knew that she's not ready to entertain someone yet, then she should have left me alone in the first place.
I don't know how to go back now. 🥹

Hi, anonymous account due to privacy.
I'm at my wits end, I have been having these types of arguments with my now ex gf for the best part of 8 years. I come away feeling like an abusive monster, my self confidence battered, my entire personality in question. I need advice about whether she is right about the way I am, or if she's the one with the issue.
For the last 8 years or so these types of arguments started at least once a week and can last 3 to 5 days. This is a shorter one but the general feeling of this argument is identical to all others before it. Sure, there have been arguments before where I've been at fault, and her clearly at fault. I will admit to it if i do something wrong.
Please can someone settle my mind, one way or the other, and tell me if I'm really the monster she makes me out to be.
[01/06, 11:03] Me: Promised [son] I'd take him down seafront tomorrow and park. So can you make sure his earphones are packed, and if poss some suncream just in case? Hope you're OK
[01/06, 11:03] Her: Shit. This is what I’ve been explaining that I’m going to keep him away from!
[01/06, 11:03] Her: The noise
[01/06, 11:04] Her: This is why we are in today. He isn’t going to cope with the show. I took him last year and it was so awful for him
[01/06, 11:05] Me: Oh. OK. X
[01/06, 11:06] Me: Oops sorry
[01/06, 11:06] Me: I won't then.
[01/06, 11:06] Her: No I’m sorry it’s not you it’s the stress I’ve had trying to sort out my family staying away and not dragging us down
[01/06, 11:06] Her: If you want to take him, then you take him
[01/06, 11:06] Me: He was quite excited about it the other day.
[01/06, 11:07] Her: Just will 100% make sure that I’ve packed his headphones, blankies and that
[01/06, 11:07] Me: But I understand. It's fine.
[01/06, 11:07] Her: Yeah sorry I am a bit stressed this morning
[01/06, 11:07] Her: No [myname] if you want to take him, that’s alright, he’s your son too
[01/06, 11:07] Her: I don’t make all the rules and run everything
[01/06, 11:07] Me: No I didn't want to make it harder for you dealing with it before or after.
[01/06, 11:08] Her: You got a brain….Just make sure he’s actually alright down there and not struggling with the sensory. It’s because it’s crowded and then on top of that with the plane noise
[01/06, 11:08] Her: They practiced yesterday and he shit himself here
[01/06, 11:08] Her: I asked him if he wanted to see the planes and he said no
[01/06, 11:08] Her: No I don’t want you to think I’m just telling you what to do
[01/06, 11:09] Me: No need to say things like I've got a brain, it isn't about that at all. I just said I won't take him because I'm trying to be considerate to you after you've said it'll screw him up. Again trying to come from a place of goodness and somehow I get it wrong
[01/06, 11:09] Her: I’m not at all. I probably didn’t explain it in the best way. Just had [son] going at me all morning. Fucking foul mood. He don’t want to go out.
[01/06, 11:10] Her: No I didn’t mean it like that
[01/06, 11:10] Her: Sorry I’m not doing this. I’ve just bloody explained how I didn’t mean anything by any of that
[01/06, 11:12] Her: No I know you’re coming from a place of kindness. But
[01/06, 11:12] Her: I’m not going to feel like I’m bossing you about, because of the way I wrote my message
[01/06, 11:13] Me: Can't you stop and think for a second that I wrote that WHILE you were writing
[01/06, 11:13] Her: Yeah
[01/06, 11:13] Her: I said sorry.
[01/06, 11:17] Me: You've just made me out to be horrible again, saying things like "not doing this". When all I did was try to be nice. And when I try to reply you send a dozen messages and everything just gets mixed up. I wasn't being horrible or anything in the first place. I'll leave you be, but please bear in mind i wasn't being horrible or funny or anything at all and I wasn't "doing this". Hope you manage to settle down a bit and he behaves better.
[01/06, 11:17] Her: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to
[01/06, 11:18] Her: I think some times that’s a anxiety response
[01/06, 11:18] Her: Yeah and you know what else.. I am me. I send a lot of messages. I own that. Certainly won’t change
[01/06, 11:19] Her: That’s good you’ve probably got other people to talk to now as well. Pleased for you.
[01/06, 11:20] Her: Also can I just say, your message, is a pure example of what I went through last year. When I didn’t say anything wrong.. and I got told very often that you’re not ‘doing this’ now. Hard isn’t it when you read that? Welcome to the world I lived in last year.
[01/06, 11:20] Her: Funny isn’t it, when you’re wanting to talk to me and be with me.. you made sure you were messaging about [son] frequently. Now your head is turned, you’ve not really asked
[01/06, 11:38] Me: Pardon? I do ask about [son]. I've been busy as hell at work as it's half term, haven't been able to ask much at all. I asked yesterday about him. I saw him the day before that but asked about him that evening. I haven't really had a chance today because when I messages about tomorrow a different discussion started. So I don't know where you get your idea of that from. I didn't do anything at all tbh.
[01/06, 11:38] Her: I did say, that I didn’t mean to come across like that. You chose not to listen
[01/06, 11:39] Her: No no that’s fine
[01/06, 11:39] Her: I see what’s going on here tbh. It’s just so you. Find someone else to talk to, instead of healing and that, suddenly change energy and moan to other person about me 👌🏻
[01/06, 11:39] Her: That’s fine do what you want. If it’s true cool, if it’s not, okay 🤷🏻‍♀️
[01/06, 11:40] Me: It's actually a bit hurtful that you said about me not asking about [son].
[01/06, 11:40] Me: Huh what are you talking about
[01/06, 11:40] Me: You've completely lost me. What I'm doing here? What?
[01/06, 11:41] Her: It really dosent matter
[01/06, 11:41] Me: It's so me? I am utterly lost. You're making me out to be doing something and I really don't know what
[01/06, 11:41] Her: Yep course it’s hurtful. Everything what comes out my mouth is hurtful to you.
[01/06, 11:41] Her: I read energy
[01/06, 11:41] Her: You got someone else to talk to
[01/06, 11:41] Her: Hence why I don’t hear from you no more
[01/06, 11:41] Me: Have i? Who?
[01/06, 11:41] Her: Good for you
[01/06, 11:42] Me: What?
[01/06, 11:42] Her: Probably some woman who thinks you’ve been done wrong by me
[01/06, 11:42] Her: And she’ll tell you all the ways that you weren’t in the wrong. And I’ll be slagged off. Which is fine by the way.
[01/06, 11:42] Me: I haven't spoken to anyone other than my mum on messenger! And it's been super busy at work so I've not been on my phone!
[01/06, 11:42] Her: 🤷🏻‍♀️
[01/06, 11:42] Her: Just saying
[01/06, 11:42] Her: Didn’t say I was right
[01/06, 11:43] Me: My mum came down here yesterday on a coach trip and I met her at lunchtime
[01/06, 11:43] Her: That’s really nice I’m pleased
[01/06, 11:43] Her: I’m glad you saw ur mum
[01/06, 11:43] Her: Is she ok
[01/06, 11:43] Me: No you're not bloody right. But you're making me out to be doing something that I'm not.
[01/06, 11:43] Her: I did just say.. I could be wrong
[01/06, 11:43] Me: You're telling me what I'm doing. When you're wrong.
[01/06, 11:43] Her: Fair enough
[01/06, 11:43] Her: Listen to me
[01/06, 11:43] Her: I said I could be wrong
[01/06, 11:44] Her: I did originally say I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound d like I was telling you what to do with [son]. But you managed to make something out of it by saying I didn’t need to speak like that. I’m well aware.. hence the messages before of me apologising..
[01/06, 11:45] Her: What annoys me is.. you having such a shit reaction to me saying I’m not doing this now. When I really did get laid into when I got upset for saying the same thing last year??
[01/06, 11:47] Me: Right so like I said before, I was writing my message out WHILE you were writing more messages. Hence me never being able to get any point or explanation across to you because by the time I say something you've already said more so what i say is either irrelevant or misunderstood.
[01/06, 11:48] Her: Okay
[01/06, 11:48] Her: Same
[01/06, 12:03] Me: I always try to read what you say. But it's not my fault if i can't write a relevant reply back before you've written multiple messages since I started. I had absolutely no issue with you at all and I've just been made out to be doing all sorts this morning and it's just not fair because I haven't done anything.
[01/06, 12:04] Her: I have adhd. I’m not explaining myself again
[01/06, 12:04] Her: I said you hadn’t done anything
[01/06, 12:04] Me: Not asking yourself to. Just explaining what it's like my position. Or am I not allowed?
[01/06, 12:04] Her: I just said I felt bad for coming across bossy. I dunno you apologise for the way you are, and it’s still not enough 😎
[01/06, 12:06] Her: Can we just stop
[01/06, 12:06] Her: We’ve both explained
[01/06, 12:06] Her: We both understand. Let’s not keep trying to get our last word in
[01/06, 12:06] Me: I know I apologise for the way I am and it's not enough. Never is. I understand you apologised.
[01/06, 12:06] Her: See now you repeating my messages back to me. Heal your shadow self.
[01/06, 12:06] Me: Yes I'd like to stop.
[01/06, 12:06] Her: Trust me
[01/06, 12:06] Her: Ok. I won’t message you again then
[01/06, 12:07] Me: Huh? You literally just said I apologise and it's not enough. I was just agreeing.
[01/06, 12:07] Me: This has nothing to do with healing myself I literally haven't done anything wrong.
[01/06, 12:12] Me: Fine, blame me for it all and blank me as if im the evil monster. Have a nice day. I didn't do anything wrong in the first place.
[01/06, 12:17] Her: Oh okay
[01/06, 12:17] Her: I haven’t blamed you for anything mr.
[01/06, 12:18] Her: I just apologised for perhaps coming across agressively. I’ve just spoken to [son], we are going to listen to the places from outside the front door. I mentioned about tomorrow with you, and he got a bit worried about the planes. So perhaps give me some credit for trying to encourage him to try. I do give you a lot of credit, and it’s often missed and forgotten about
[01/06, 12:19] Her: This whole way of you messaging is completely different tho to the person I spoke to the other day 🤔 just different eh
[01/06, 12:27] Me: How am I different? I'm just me. But you are the one that started this thing off by borderline insulting me and I'm supposed to just lie down and take it? Then I'm a shit person for trying my best to explain myself? I havent said a single bad thing about you yet I'm getting accused of being different? When I've explained to you, work has been super busy. I get the feeling, and have pretty much had it spelled out that you don't want to hear from me anyway so I can't exactly keep bombarding you with messages can I? Because then I'll just be annoying and you'll get pissed off hearing anything from me. I have literally done nothing wrong this morning. I react to your messages which are semi aggressive and your accusations towards me and I get told I'm being shit basically. All I wanted was to ask about [son] about tomorrow and I even said I hope you're OK. Was not being any different to anything, at least until i started having to explain myself.
[01/06, 12:31] Her: Honestly is that the best you have? I apologised. You’ve just kicked in back in my face. I choose not to engage in this back and forth. You need to learn to read, and also take knowledge in what I say to you.
I told you I apologised.. I said I am very stressed this morning. Very. But still you have told me yet again I was agressive.. we know? I’ve said that? Why keep telling me? My apology not good enough?
[01/06, 12:31] Her: Ending this conversation now tbh. I don’t need to be continuously told that I’m such an awful person. I’m really not. Not at all. I’m one of the good ones :)

I have a friend who constantly does tarot consultations with this one guy I told her about. I have never personally done it before with him but heard he’s good. In one of the readings she asked him something about me and a friend since we’re going through similar things. He said this thing would happen for her friend but for me it was going to be way harder to happen. She ended up telling me about it yesterday and I had no idea that she had asked him that and I definitely didn’t like that he said that about me and now im very sad. It was something very important to me and now I just feel a little lost (its something that would change my life in so many ways) i obviously dont want to let that affect me and I will still work towards my goals but I feel definitely motivated, how would you guys go about this? Should I do a reading with him myself, should I take it with a grain of salt or what? I know it’s a lot about energy too so idk! Also for her friend it kind of became true what he said, so it makes me even more scared. I know it wasn’t a complete no awnser but idk if my friend is sugar coating it and doesn’t wanna say that he said no this is gonna happen for her. Idk help!

For background, I have a real BEC relationship with my MIL. My partner and I have been together for 15 years, married for 5 and for that entire time she's made rude, hurtful comments to me. I immediately have my back up when she's around and admit I sometimes take innocent comments the wrong way because I'm used to the barbs. I believe I'm completely in the right in my anger this time though.

Four days ago I gave birth to a preterm baby girl. She is wonderful and beautiful and making huge improvements every day. She also has a significant brain injury from being without oxygen for nearly 20 minutes after her birth.
I had an emergency c-section under general anaesthesia after my baby went into distress. I knew very little of what happened after they said “we need to put you under” and I was okay with not knowing the details because I know it was really bad.
My MIL is a doctor, a GP.
The in-laws visited the first night after the baby was born. There was a lot we didn't know or understand at the time and we told them that. When they went down to the NICU to show her off she said “I'm a doctor I can find things out for you” I told her “I don't want that. I just need you to be grandma.” which she agreed to.
The next day they came to visit again and arrived at our hospital room while we were speaking to my OB. We'd finished asking our questions to the doctor so we were just thanking her for her time as she'd come from another hospital especially to visit us.
Well, my MIL rushed up and says “I'm doctor so-and-so and I have some questions about the birth.” The doctor was obviously in still doctor mode and answered her questions. She only asked three questions before I went into full breakdown mode, but they were incredibly personal medical information. I also think it's important to note, it was medical information that I didn't want to know and had already told her wasn't important to us.
My husband immediately kicked everyone out and calmed me down before going into the hallway and telling them off. He told his mother that we were going to share information when we were ready and that it wasn't her business. He asked if she could come back in, because he needed his parents. He's just been through a major trauma too so I said okay.
Now I can't stop replaying those answers in my head. I was ‘okay’ with the traumatic birth, but now I know so much and it feels like it doesn't even belong to me anymore.
I plan on making a complaint about the doctor but I don't know how to tell my husband that his mother has deeply traumatised me.

My grandmother or abuela is the sweetest lady. She owned the convenience store I helped out at and would always tell me traditional Mexican stories. I never would have thought anything bad about her until the accident. I was about seventeen and had just received my drivers license and somehow, drove my car into the barrier of the highway. My parents would have been furious at me if I hadn’t been injured. It wasn’t anywhere near life-threatening, just a concussion that made me a bit lethargic and nauseous. After I was discharged from the hospital, I had to take this prescription medication to help deal with the pain. One side-effect was it could cause hallucinations, but these were very unlikely to happen so I instantly agreed to take them, thinking that I would much rather a couple of hallucinations than the extreme pain I was feeling.
My first shift back at the convenience store with my abuela, I had my first hallucination. It wasn’t the ‘stereotypical’ hallucination, more as if someone had turned up the volume of the sounds around me. Annoying, but not scary.
My second hallucination a couple weeks later at the convenience store was less so. My abuela was in the back restocking the fridge of the store. She was always stronger than your average 78 year old, surprisingly stronger than me. That was when it happened, the second hallucination. But this was different. Instead, I was in this hallway. It looked like the hallway to the stock room. I stumbled around, confused at the surroundings. “Abuela! Where are you? I’m having another one,” I tried to call out, but it was like my voice went hoarse, unable to speak. I tried to speak again but this time I couldn’t speak at all. I continued walking down the hallway, the tile was darker and covered in dust, like it had been here for much longer than 40 years. “Abuela…?” I managed to call out. I noticed a corner and slowly turned, making sure to not run into something that was actually there. My heart sunk. The same hallway. The same paintings, but slightly distorted. Colours were less saturated, faces were less recognisable. This continued on for around seven more hallways, becoming more and more distorted as I continued on. Every corner I reached, I called out for my abuela, tears welling in my eyes from fear like I was a little girl again.
Then I saw her. She wasn’t right. She looked stripped of emotion, a blank canvas. Like she was a shell of her soul. Just I went to call for her, I was back. I was sitting against the tiled wall of the convenience store. It had been five hours.
I grabbed my backpack and left. I immediately went home, climbing up the fire escape to not wake up my mother. But despite my efforts, she had already been awake, her eyes red from what I assumed was crying.
“Mami? Are you okay?” I asked her, she seemed less inconsolable and more in shock.
“Yes yes. Mija, your abuela is unwell. She cannot remember… a lot. Doctors believe it is dementia.”
My heart sunk. I swear she had been in the restocking room, but what if that was part of the hallucination as well? “I had another hallucination, Mami,” I told her as she grabbed some stuff around the kitchen. She sighed and shook her head, “Valeria, don’t play with me right now, you were off your medication a couple of weeks ago, remember when you had that first hallucination?”
My heartbeat accelerated. I had sworn that I had took that medication the morning of, and that hallucination was real.
I visited my abuela a week later. She didn’t know who I was, she only remembered memories from when she was a young girl. What shocked us the most is that she told us about when she had gone missing. A week she spent in the forest, and anything past that, she didn’t remember.
Maybe I was just scared and dreaded the news that she had dementia, so that night I scoured the internet for what could cause memory loss after an event like that. But without needing to search a single thing, my heart dropped as I remembered a tale my abuela used to tell me. She said it was not a famous Mexican folk tale, mainly in the rural town she grew up in. But La Somba was a creature that could take possession over your memories and life until it took over someone else. It was said to make the person appear normal until it tried to take over someone else. In these cases, the person would appear lifeless, unlike themselves. And the person would be stuck in an eternal maze until La Somba successfully took over their memories
I logged off the computer. My abuela. She was strong because of La Somba. She didn’t have dementia, La Somba took her memories. And I was the next victim. But I was fine? I had full control over all my actions. I tried telling my mother, but she told me to settle down and that I was hurting my family. Abuela has dementia, and that is final. But as I watch my abuela confused in a hospital bed of her surroundings, completely void of any memory, I wonder: How do I know that they haven’t already taken mine?
I’m writing this for my sake. Maybe if I write down this I can remind myself if I do lose my memory. Maybe.

I had a dream.
First me and my wife lived in a building that resembled my old home with my parents. The upstairs portion with my two old dogs. One has not lived with me for years the other has been dead for over two years. They had their own room and it smelled like urine very harshly. Then we decided that we would go with a car ride with some of my friends from high school, this was sneaking out from their supervision. My wanted to go with them for some reason and when we got into the car she didn’t look like my wife anymore but she looked like a guy I used to go to high school with but I could tell it was her. I don’t really understand why I felt this but i did. While we were on this drive I instantly regretted getting in the car with them because I figured they just wanted to go smoke and asked my wife (who looked like my childhood friend as a man) if this was really what we should be doing since she was pregnant. My wife agreed and asked them to drop us back by the house and we would sneak back in. When we turned around our car battery died and I carried my wife back to the house. When we got there she looked like my childhood best friend and I remember that something felt really off but we walked into the house. This man? Or my wife? Sat at the table and made her hold this book. It looked like some Christian book but I can’t remember the name of it and she had to hold a paper behind it that said I swear and the rest of the words were covered. It looked like this was there way of punishing their kids when they made mistakes. The parents of the kid I went to school with were there and dropped this cube shaped things filled with water on her hands to punish her by pinching her fingers. Then asked me why I didn’t stop him. I said because you are the father of this household and he said fair enough. Then he made me hold them and dropped it on my hands 3 times. It really hurt but I tried to hold it in. Then he told me to read the spine of the book and I don’t remember the words and when I was reading them a supernatural experience Happened inside of my dream. It looked like he split into two people and choked the other one and made him vanish and I pointed and my wife saw none of it and I was overcome with fear and thought it was Jesus and called out to him. I did multiple times and this thing said to me. You think I belong to Allah or and I could not make out the other word but said another name. I feel like it said jehovah but I can not promise to it. Then it ran up fast to me and told me his name was the blood collector and he always collects on his debts and started to shred me apart. I then woke up very hot. I have had nightmares before but this to me at least felt very different. I had never had a nightmare where things were so real yet also so original. The part where I met this blood collector did not seem that thought came from me. This person after I said these words did not resemble a movie or tv show I have ever seen or book that I have ever read for that matter.
This happened the same night a man prayed over us at a beach shop in real life not the dream. He made us take off our shoes and put oil on our hands and feet and our foreheads used a prayer shawl. He prayed for us as a protector for our home. I don’t know how that plays in if it does at all.

Disclaimer: This thread is not gonna get you some ass by itself. You gotta do most of the work, but VULTURES 1 will up your pipe game 200%. Real pimps and heartbreakers only. not responsible for any pregnancies, broken dicks or ended relationships.
A lot of yall are gonna try and pull some Ye shit on a girl this summer, and this guide is being made to help yall pull this off flawlessly. Unless you were at fuckin age when TRAPSOUL came out, this is some of yall's first real love making full album experience. This album will be a refreshing break from all the soft sensitive shit playlists that we've been fucking to recently. This is not a concrete guide; this is merely a good starting place. At the end of the day, trust your instincts.
To put it plainly, this is a fucking album. This ain’t a making love album. If you are trying to wife a hoe and be on some spiritual soul searching shit, pop SZA back in. This one is for the hardcore ham slappers.
Ye and Ty constructed this album for the players. I’m gonna take you through the album and let you know where you should be by the time each track comes on.

1. Okay, so you got homegirl over at the crib. Yall just came back from a fancy ass steak dinner at Denny’s which you had to take a shit after but you don’t wanna shit in your bathroom because you know she’s eventually gonna go in there and you don’t wanna lay down work in there so you use your roommate bathroom. Candles lit, pop open a bottle of Andre, and turn on that motha fuckin ¥$.
   
2. When “STARS" comes on, she’s gonna know what’s up. No words are necessary for this one. Let Ye spit the game for you. Follow his instructions. Make your move when he spits that first bar. Be like, "You already know what I'm on" and she gonna be like "What" and then just go in there don't even answer the bitch with words son that's gonna get that bitch wet as the Great Lakes.
   
3. Get into the makin out/undressing phase. Someone should be getting domed up by “PAID" This is imperative to the timing of this album. When you hear PAID, make sure someone’s lips are on some gentials. Either her or you. Don’t matter. For all you rookies, you might have to eat some pussy first in order to get this thing rollin. For all my freaks who could get some dome from the Queen of England in the wintertime just because they game that tight, you already know how to proceed.
   
4. Don’t be that dude that makes your girl dome you up for like 45 minutes and her jaw hurtin n shit. Unless she got that super dome, you probably not gonna nut off this dome. Just let it be, it's okay. Switch it up by HOODRAT. Be nice.
   
5. DO IT. This is when you get to the pipe laying. Don’t try and do everything at once. This album gives you plenty of time to lay down work. DO IT has a good stroke rhythm to it. Go with it. She gonna be moanin and yellin and goin on but don’t say shit. Let Ty and Ye speak for you. You can’t out sexy them at this point.
   
6. Someone should nut at CARNIVAL. It’s just the perfect nut song. It’s probably gonna be you, but if you a real pipe layer, make it her. If she hasn’t gotten hers by now she just a stone cold bitch or your stroke ain’t right. If she ain’t half dead by CARNIVAL you need to fix your game.
   
7. Everything post-carnival is for all you 2 nutter youngins. I ain’t impressin nobody. I’m getting mine and laying down. For everyone else, everything post carnival is cuddle shit. Listen to KING and be like "i like to get my dick sucked while gettin high” and say something about the VULTURES 2 lore and tell her how sure you are its dropping soon.
   

u/AbleismIsSatan, u/JamieIPrentice1, u/Blopblop734
G3307 μερίζω (merízō): to apportion, to divide, to disunite
G3308 μέριμνα (mérimna) from 3307: the state of being concerned and preoccupied, through the idea of distraction
G3309 μεριμνάω (merimnáō) from 3308: worry, concern, preoccupy
G3309 appears 19 times in the NT.
NIV Matthew 6:

25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry [G3309] about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.

The same Greek word is translated as "anxious" in English Standard Version:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Luke 10:

41 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried [G3309] and upset about many things"

But then, the same Greek lexeme appears in 1 Corinthians 7:

32 I would like you to be free from concern [G3309]. An unmarried man is *concerned * [G3309] about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord.

It is not a sin to concern G3309 about pleasing God.

33 But a married man is concerned <3309> about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned [G3309] about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned [G3309] about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

The English concept of worrying is not a good thing. The Greek original concept of G3309 is ambiguous. It could mean worry or concern, or it could be a good thing.
Is worrying or anxiety a sin?
That depends on whether you are worrying negatively or are concerned positively about something.
How to deal with negative anxiety?
Practice peace as a way of life. Philippians 4:

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious [G3309] about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Look to Jesus. Focus on the Paraclete who dwells in you. He is your peace. Instead of dealing with anxiety on a case-by-case basis, practice the general solution of growing your faith daily. The more you grow spiritually, the less you will experience negative anxiety.

11/20/2017
Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
When I woke up, I was in such a haze that I couldn’t make out where I was at first. My vision was a blur and all I could hear was the sounds of rushing water. I tried to move my limbs, but each muscle down to my little finger felt like lead weighing down on me, making it hard to breathe.
It felt like forever before the ringing in my ear was slowly swallowed out by a voice crying out from what sounded like a distance only to grow louder as it seemed to approach me from the void I had woken up in. It wasn’t until I heard my name that I recognized it was Kate’s voice, pleading and filled with tears.
I blinked away the blur, finding myself staring up at a water damaged ceiling, a single yellow light brightening the room. My head was pounding and my body still felt heavy, but I moved my head enough to turn and see where Kate was calling from. It took a moment, but I soon realized that she was lying on her back, strapped by her arms and legs to a metal table, looking to me with wide terrified eyes.
“Detective, please help!” She cried out. “Please don’t be dead! Please help me!”
“Bl-Black…Well…” I groaned out as I tried, painfully, to pick myself up off the stone floor, “Black…Well… Ah… Shit… Shit! Ms. Blackwell-“ I was gaining consciousness minute by minute as I finally took in the situation and got to my feet. However, the moment I had gotten to my feet and began running to Kate only to immediately fall back to the floor once again, my ankle getting caught by something heavy. I turned to see my ankle had been shackled to the floor by a cuff and chains. I searched my person to find my coat, along with my Glock had been taken, blood decorating my pants and sleeves. I placed a palm to my forehead to find blood when I lowered it down to look at the warm liquid slithering down from my scalp.
“Ms. Blackwell,” I returned my attention to her, examining what I could from my place on the floor, “are you alright, are you hurt?”
“I… I… I don’t… Don’t think so…” she managed to whine out.
“Where’s Mr. Raines?”
To this question, Kate looked away from me, sobbing being her only verbal response.
I went back to the shackles on my ankle and began trying to yank the chains off from the floor, but they had been well maintained and were too strong for me to simply yank out of the stone. I then quickly looked around the room to find we were in a different basement from the one in Cabin #3, though it had the same kind of layout, the table the only major difference. I also took note of the blood stains that trailed from the sides of the table and the dried pools below.
“I want my mom!” Kate cried out, her voice echoing in the empty room.
“I’ll get you to her, I will, I promise,” I assured her, trying to find something, anything to get us out of this, “do you remember how we got down here?”
“I… I… I just re-remember… Remember you g-getting knocked out… Knocked out by someone and them… Them putting a rag over me… Then everything went black… Then I woke… Woke up… H-Here…” Kate answered, trying to breathe with each sob she let out. “I… I th-thought… y-you… You were d-d-… Dead!”
“I’m not, I’m very much alive and I’m going to get you out of here and back to your parents,” I vowed as I continued looking for a way out of this situation, “we’re going to get you out of here, get you home, and we’ll make sure no one ever gets hurt here ever-“
The sound of the basement door from the splintered wooden steps cut me off. I listened as feet descended down the steps to the basement below, Kate’s ragged breaths the only other sound. The person who came down was a woman. The same exact woman from the photo I had found in her house. She looked as if she had not aged since that photo was taken, despite how long ago it seemed the photo was taken. She had the same exact long, white hair, same tired looking eyes, and same disgustingly pale skin as in that photo and on her profile picture. It was Mrs. Larson.
“Deeeeeetectiiiiiiive,” she spoke in a hoarse voice mixed with what I assumed was her own and several others, both male and female, adult and child, “youuuuuuu shouuuullld haaaaaaaaave juuuuuuusssssst giiiiiven herrrrrrr toooooo meeeeee… Youuuuuuuu diiiiiiiiid nooooooot haaaaaave toooooooo ssssssseeeee thiiiiiissssss…”
“Fuck you!” I shouted, beginning to charge at the elderly woman only to be yanked back by my shackles. “Let us go, right now!”
“Nnnnooooo,” Mrs. Larson replied harshly as she stepped over to loom over Kate.
“Stay away from her!” I barked, trying desperately to break free of my shackles.
She ignored me as she ran a shaky hand down along Kate’s trembling face. “Ooooooooohhhhh, Kaaaaaate… Sweeeeet, sweeeeeeeet, Kaaaaaaaaaate…” Mrs. Larson cooed as she went on stroking Kate’s wet cheek. “Doooooo noooooooot crrrrrrryyyyyyy, dooooooonnnnnn’t thiiiiiiiiiinnnnk oooooofff iiiiiiiit aaaaaaaassssss dyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnng, thiiiiiiiiinnnk ooooooooffff iiiiiiit aaaaaassssss ssssssssaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiinnng aaaaaannnnoooootherrrrrrrrr liiiiiiiiife.”
“I-I… I d-don’t… Don’t under-understand… w-what th-that… That m-means…” Kate cried, her hands gripping the sides of the metal table beneath her, “P-Please, d-don’t… Don’t kill me… L-Let… Let us-us go!”
“Nnnnnoooooo,” Mrs. Larson answered in the same harshness she used on me, “IIIIIIIII neeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu,” she then shot a death glare my way through tired, silver eyes, “aaaaaaaannnnnnd heeeeeeeeee’ssssssss beeeeeeeeeennnnnn nnnnnnnoooooooothiiiiiiiiinnnnnng buuuuut aaaaaa thooooooorrrrrrnnnn iiiiiiinnnnn myyyyyyyyy ssssssssiiiiiiiide siiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnccccccce youuuuuu eeeeeessssssscaaaaaaped meeeeeeee.” She then looked back to Kate with a softer look. “Aaaaaaaassssss fffffoooooorrrrr whaaaaaaaat youuuuuuu caaaaaannnn’t uuuuuunnnnnnderrrrrrssssssstaaaaaaannnnnnd, IIIIIIIIII nnnnnneeeeeeed yourrrrrrrrrr heaaaaaaaarrrrrt tooooooo ssssssssaaaaaavvvvvvve myyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiisssssssterrrrrrrr.”
“The fuck does that mean?” I demanded, still trying to vain to pull my ankle from the chains. “How the hell will Kate’s heart save your sister?”
“Diiiiiiiiidnnnnnn’t nnnnnnneeeeeeed toooooo beeeee Kaaaaaaate’sssssss,” admitted Mrs. Larson, “buuuuuuuut sssshhhhhheeeeee hiiiiiiiiid theeeeee ooooooootherrrrr giiiiirrrrrrllllll ffffffrrrrroooooommmmm mmmmmeeeeee.”
“S-Son… Sonja…” Kate sniffed, the tears still streaming down her face.
“IIIIIIII oooooooonnnnnlllllyyyyy neeeeed fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllle,” Mrs. Larson dismissed Ms. Greymoore’s name, “ffffffeeeeeeemmmmmaaaaaallllle heaaaaaaaarrrrrrrtsssss toooooo rrrrrrreeeeeetuuuuurrrrrrnnnnn mmmmmmyyyyy ssssiiiiissssssterrrrrrrrr toooooo theeeeeeee giiiiirrrrrllllll ssssshhhhhheeeee uuuuuuuusssssed tooooo beeeeeee.”
“That’s a fucking joke right?” I asked. “The hell makes you think eating a female heart will turn your sister back into a human woman? Have you seen what’s happened to your sister?”
“IIIIIIIII knnnnnnnooooooow beeeeeeecaaaauuuuusssssse iiiiiiiiiiit wooooooorrrrrked ooooooonnnnn mmmmmeeeeee,” Mrs. Larson explained, “IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaasssss aaaaaaablllllllle toooooo reeeeeeetaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn thiiiiiiiiiisssssss huuuuuummmmmmaaaaaannnnn fffffffooooorrrrrrmmmm ffffffrrrrrooooommmm eeeeeaaaaatiiiiiinnnnnng theeeeeeee heaaaaaaaaarrrrrtsssss, sssssspecifffffficaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllleeee sssssssooooooo IIIIIIIIII mmmmmmaaaaaayyyyyy rrrrrreeeeetuuuurrrrrnnnnn toooo beeeeeiiiiinnnng theeeeeeee giiiiiirrrrrrrllllll IIIIIII uuuuuuusssssed toooooooo beeeeeee.”
“You were dead,” I pointed out, “they found your body up here, you were buried.”
“Theeeeeessssssse sssshhhhheeeeeellllllsssss arrrrrrre mmmmmeeeeeerrreeeellllyyy veeeeeessssssellllllssssss ffffffoooooorrrrrr theeeeeeee sssssspiiiiirrrrriiiiiitsssss weeeee hiiiiiiiiiiide beeeeeneeeeaaaaattthhhh,” Mrs. Larson responded, finally turning her gaze to me, “IIIIIIII haaaaaaad tooooooo maaaake peeeopllllle beeeelieevvvve IIIIIII haaaaaad diiiiiiied tooooo keeeeeep frrrrroooommm theeeee poooooollllliiiiicccce ffffrrrrrrooooommmm pooookiiiiiinnnng aaaaarrrrouuuuuunnnnd aaaaannnnnd rrrrruuuiiinnnnniiinnnng eeeevvvveeerrrrryyythiiiiinnnng.”
“So, let me just get this whole thing straight,” I began as I started rubbing my temples, "when you and your sister starting into… Whatever the hell that thing you call your sister is-“
“Ooooouuuurrrrr sssssspiiiiiirrrrrriiiiiit,” Mrs. Larson corrected.
“Whatever!” I shot. “You found out that eating female hearts turns you two back into human women and to keep police from suspecting you, you pretended to be dead and… What? Just hope a shitty real estate agency would buy your property and you could just… Kill people, people with lives and families outside the mountains?”
“Thaaaaaaaat iiiiiiisssss cooooorrrrrreeeeect…” Mrs. Larson admitted, narrowing her eyes at me.
That’s when I began laughing hysterically, holding my sides that hurt with each harsh breath of a laugh I took. Both Mrs. Larson and Kate looked to me as if I had lost my mind and at this point I was starting to believe I had. Everything I had seen and heard about this entire case would put anyone in the looney bin. And I’m the damn fool who dug too deep into something he had nothing to do with.
“Whaaaaaat’s ssssoooo ffffuuunnnny?” Growled Mrs. Larson, stepping around Kate to stand between us.
“I don’t know what’s fucking funnier, honestly,” I chuckled, running a hand through my hair, “the fact that you thing people won’t be poking around even more when they discover not only is Blackwell missing, but so is a detective and escaped convict all of whom now have ties to these fucking mountains and those cabins, or that you thing I’m more afraid of what you plan on doing with me more than I am when her father finds out I got her in this situation in the first place!”
“Heeeeeee wooooonnnnn’t beeeee aaaaabllllle toooooo doooo aaaaaannnnnyyyyythiiiiiinnnng aaaaaaafffffterrrrrrr IIIIIIIII’mmmmm dooooooonnnne wiiiiiiiith booooooth ooooooooffffff youuuuuuuuu,” Mrs. Larson hissed as she inched closer, “fffffffiiiiiiirrrrrrssssst, IIIIIIIII waaaaaannnnnt youuuuuuuu toooo waaaaaatch mmmmmeeeee kiiiiiiillllll herrrrrrr,” she turned her head to look to Kate who was now just shaking, her eyes seemingly gone dry from the crying, Mrs. Larson then looked back to me, “sssssseeeeecooooonnnnd, IIIIIIII wiiiiillllll ssssssaaaaave youuuuu fffffooooorrrr mmmmmmyyyyy sssssiiiiiisssssterrrrr, oooooonnnnne heeeeaaaaart wiiiiilllll nnnnoooot ssssssaaaaaatissssfffffyyyy herrrr huuuuuunnnnnger.” She took another step. “Uuuuuuuunnnnnllllliiiiiike sssssssoooooommmme ssssssiiiiiibllllliiiiiiinnnnnngsssss, IIIIIIIII caaaaaarrrre aaaaaaboooouuuuut mmmmmmyyyyy ffffffaaaammmmiiiiilllllyyyyyy.”
She stared into my eyes, expecting a reaction and while my blood did somewhat boil at the accusatory statement, I didn’t fully understand what she was getting at. Not until she used that voice. Not until she relived that day with those two familiar child-like voices.
“Screw you, Liam!” She cried out in a voice I remember from my childhood. “I hope you drop dead!”
“Stop.” I demanded.
“Piss off, Ryan!” She shot back in a second boy’s voice.
“I said stop!” I began shouting.
“Help me, Ryan! Please, help me! I’m sorry! Please, Lucky Dime, help me!”
I then lunged toward her, reaching my hands out toward her neck only to be stopped by the shackles as she swiftly, almost without even moving, stepped just out of my reach.
“Fucking bitch!” I screamed out.
“If only you really cared about me, Lucky Dime,” sighed Mrs. Larson as she turned and began making her way to the side of the room where a cart stood in the shadows. She pulled it over to Kate’s side, the cart covered in rusted medical tools.
“P-Please,” Kate wheezed, “p-p-please… I… I d-d-don’t w-want… Want t-to d-d… D-Die, I… I w-w-want m-m-m… My m-mom!”
“Dooooonnn’t woooorrrrryyyyy,” Mrs. Larson soothed, using that mix of different voices, “mmmmmmaaaayyyyybeeee sheeee wiiiillll cooooommmme loooookinnnng ffffooooorrrr yooouuuuu aaaaannnnnd sheeeeeee caaaaannnnn joooooiiiiiinnnn youuuuuuu.”
Kate began to sob, begging and pleading for Mrs. Larson to let her go, thrashing around in her restraints. Telling the older woman that there was no saving her sister and that she was too far gone for this sick ritual to work anymore. I tried to yank at the chains once more, trying to loosen it at least enough to break free and grab at Mrs. Larson.
“Rrrrrrreeeeellllllaaaaax,” Mrs. Larson ordered as she began filling a syringe with some kind of clear liquid from a small bottle, “yoooouuuuuu woooooonnnn’t eeeeeveeennn fffffeeeellll iiiiiiit, thiiiissssss wiiiiiillllll puuuuuut youuuuu toooo ssssssllllllleeeeeep aaaaaannnnnnd wheeeeeennnnnn youuuuuu waaaaaake uuuuuuuup, youuuuuuu’lllllll beeee iiiiiinnnnnn heeeeeaaaaaaveeeennnnn… Uuuuuunnnnnnnllllllessssss youuuuuuu weeeerrrrrrre aaaaaa haaaaaarrrrrlllllooooooot, iiiiiiinnnnnn whiiiiiiiich caaaaaassssssseeeee, mmmmmaaaayyyy Goooooood haaaaaaaave mmmmmmmmerrrrrrrcccccyyyyy ooooonnnnn youuuuuur ssssssoooouuuuullllll… Aaaaannnnnd baaaaaaasssssed ooooonnnn hoooooow youuuuuu drrrrressss aaaaannnnnd theeeee coooommmmpaaaannnnyyyy youuuuuu keeeeeep,” She added as she eyed me, “IIIIIII ssssssaaaaaayyyy youuuuu haaaaaave aaaaa lllllloooooot ooooooffff fooooooorrrrgiiiiiviiiiinnnnng tooooo dooooo.”
Kate continued to cry as Mrs. Larson pushed the needle of the syringe into her arm, pushing down on the plunger as it pierced the flesh. Kate’s loud screams soon turned quieter and her red eyes began to glaze over, but she continued to stay awake, tightening her grip on the table and still begging to be let go.
“IIIIII waaaaannnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch, Detective,” Mrs. Larson spat out my title in Mr. Blackwell’s voice, “IIIII waaaaannnnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch herrrrrr fffffaaaaaade aaaaaannnnnnd mmmmmeeeee rrrrreeeemmmmooooove heerr heeeaaaarrrrrt toooooo ffffffeeeeeed tooooo mmmmmmyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiissssssterrrrrr,” she then pulled out a recorder, “theeeeennnnnn wheeeeeennnnn IIIIIII ssssssuuuuummmmoooooonnnnn herrrrrrr aaannnnd sheeeee fffffiiiinnnniiiishessssss oooooofffffff heeeerrrrr heeeaaaaarrrrrt, youuuuuuu’llllllll beeeeee neeeeeext.”
“Fuck you,” I snarled, “I hope you and your sister burn.”
“IIIIIIIII’mmmmm gooooonnnnnaaaaa gooooo aaaaallllllerrrrrrt mmmmmyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiissssterrrrrr,” Mrs. Larson turned and began making her way to the basement steps, “ssssseeee youuuuu boooooth ffffffoooooorrrr diiiiiinnnnnnerrrrrrr.”
She then pressed the play button on her recorder and a small, little girl’s voice echoed in the room before Mrs. Larson vanished up the steps.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
Then the door slammed shut.
“De… Tec… Tive…” Kate squeaked out, her breathing slowing.
“Stay awake, Blackwell,” I ordered her gently, looking around frantically for anything to get us both out of this alive, “I’ll get us out of this, I promise, just stay awake, we’ll get out of here, I just need-“
“I’m… S… Sorry…” she breathed out. “I’m… So… Sorry… For… Get… Getting… You… In… To.. This…”
“No, no, this is not your fault!” I assured her. “That psychotic bitch got us both into this shit and I won’t stop until I get us out and put her and her fucking sister are six feet under!”
“W…Wha… What… H… Hap… Happened… To… To L… Liam…?”
I stopped struggling with the chains and turned to look to Kate. Her head was turned to me, her face wet, hands clenching as hard as they could to the table beneath her, the light in her eyes slowly fading second by second. She was trying desperately to stay awake. The medication Mrs. Larson taking hold of her as the minutes ticked by.
I dropped the chains that were in my hands, looking away from her, wanting to stare at anything other than another person I had failed.
“He was killed,” I answered, “we were fishing at a lake nearby… Lake Gaagige… We got into a really stupid ass fucking fight about how which fishing pole we were going to use. I wanted to use our dad’s, but Liam was older and said only men could use dad’s fishing pole… I told him… To drop dead and stormed off… When I got home, my parents dragged me back to the lake and scolded me for leaving him…” I trailed off, swallowing all the tears and screams I’d bottled up since that day. “When… We found… Him… The autopsy… Said he was mauled by a bear… I’ve blamed myself for leaving him there alone… For letting him die and getting killed like that… The last thing I ever told him was to drop dead… I was a shitty brother and now I’m a shitty detective…”
“Is… Is he… Why… You became… A… Detective…?”
I took a deep breath and swallowed the tears again. “No, Blackwell,” I answered, “he’s not why I became a detective… I already knew what had killed him… It was my fault… If I hadn’t been such a brat and stormed off… He might still be alive… And now… What that bitch said…” I replayed Liam’s screams that escaped Mrs. Larson’s mouth. “I’m starting to think I’m getting what I deserve. Karma’s back to kick my ass…”
“H… How… Old…?”
“I was six… Liam was eight…”
“N… N… Not your… F… Fault…”
I turned to look to Kate, her eyes on mine, however faded.
“Y… You were… Only… A k… Kid…”
I took another intake of what little air there was down in that basement. I had spent years trying to convince myself of the same thing, but those moments never got easier for me when those thoughts returned.
“I think you’re just being nice,” I laughed painfully, “but I’m afraid I- and my folks- don’t share the same sentiment.”
I was staring down at where the chains were coming from in the ground, Kate not saying a word for over a couple of minutes. I spun to see if she had fallen asleep and immediately tried to find out how to wake her up again. However, once I our eyes met, I saw that she was still fighting sleep, the last of her tears rolling down across the bridge of her nose and into her hair.
“I… I… I had… Had a c… Crush… O… On… J… Jasper…” she confessed, her voice getting quieter and higher. “P… Paul and… And Son… Sonja knew… I never… Never c… Cared f… For Luke… But I’m… Sure… S… Sonja t… Told him…” she looked like she was going to sob again. “I… I never g… Got the… Ch… Chance… T… To tell J… Jasper… I… Was… Scared… He… He and… P… Paul were friends… And I… I kn… Knew… How P… Paul f… Felt… A… About m… Me… I… I did… Didn’t wa… Want to… R… Ruin… Anyth… Anything…” She took a gulp of air. “I… I ha… Hated L… Luke… I… A… Always… Kn… Knew… He… He was a… Player… B… But Sonja… Said… Said she was hap… Happy… So… So I did… Didn’t wa… Want to g… Get in… H… Her way… B… But Luke d… Didn’t l… Like h… How cl… Close… We… Were… I d… Didn’t w… Want him to make… Make her th… Think I… I was l… Leading her o… On… T… To get them… To b… Break up… Th… Then… That n… Night… Sh… She w… Wanted to… To leave…” She let out two pained gasps of breath. “I… I let them down… I let them all down… Luke pro… Probably thought… Thought I w… Was the one who… Who f… Filled Sonja’s mind… With thoughts of… Of him ch… Cheating… Th… Then I… I got them… All killed…
I… I didn’t deserve them, d… Detective…” she went on, looking away from me to stare up at the water damaged ceiling, “I… I… I was a… Terrible… Terrible friend…”
“Did you read their guest book entries?” I asked.
“N… No… D… Didn’t w… Want to… To r… Read any… Anything p… Private…” Kate answered.
“Jasper didn’t blame you,” I assured her, remembering what he had written in his entry during his time watching Mrs. Larson just outside the cabin, “even when he heard the voices- when he heard Mrs. Larson- telling him to, he didn’t. I don’t think the others blamed you either. You didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Blackwell, there’s no way you could have known any of this would happen.”
“K… Kate…”
“What?”
“C… Call… Call me… Kate…”
“Aright, Kate,” I let out what little laughter I had left inside me, “so long as we’re the last people we’ll be chatting with, call me Ryan.”
“R… Ryan…”
“If we at all live through this, I’m going to need a long vacation after this,” I said as I turned to look at my shackles again, looking around myself to try finding anything to Get free since a vacation sounded like something to die for at that moment, “do you know any good vacation spots I can book for the fall?”
“Y… You’re… You’re a… Dick…” Kate struggled to laugh.
“I also enjoy pineapple on pizza,” I winked as I reached down to my ankle, ready to break it just to taste that sweet combination of tomato sauce and fruit.
“G… God… I… I c… Can’t… Believe… I th… Thought y… You w… Were c… Cute…”
I sat down on the floor, grabbing my ankle with both my hands. Needing to hype myself up enough to do what I was going to do, I began removing my shoe and sock from the foot, rubbing and squeezing my way up and down the ankle to my toes. I had never broken a bone in my life before this and I definitely never thought I’d do it of my own volition, but this was a desperate time and it definitely called for desperate…
“Wait what?” I turned to look to Kate, finally registering what she had said.
However, just before I could be sure of what I heard, the sound of a hunting rifle going off just above our heads right before we heard the door to the basement swing open and immediately be slammed shut. Both Kate and I turned to see someone stumble down the wooden steps, his clothes torn and body scratched and cut to a nearly deadly degree. I was even shocked he was still breathing.
“M… Mr… R… Raines…?” Kate gasped out.
“What’s left of me at least,” Mr. Raines grumbled as he limped over to Kate and quickly began undoing her straps to the table, “damn thing almost ripped my head off, but one swing of the barrel to its eye and I was able to get away… Can’t say it didn’t do its damage though… I’m… Getting really fucking hungry…”
He shook his head violently before limping over to me. He then raised an eyebrow at me when he saw how I was positioned still on the floor with a bare foot in my hands shackled to the floor.
“I… I was… I… I thought you were-“ I stammered.
“I am,” Mr. Raines interrupted, “at least, I’m on my way there anyway.” He then retrieved my Glock from his back pocket. “I don’t know what that thing did to me, but I’m not gonna make it out of this alive, or the way I came in. It’s a massacre out there by the way. Lot of men in blue bodies out there… Very… Hard to ignore… Sure more will be on their way. So.”
With that, Mr. Raines pointed at my chains and pulled the trigger on my clock, barely giving me time to cover my ears as the sound rung out loudly in the basement. I shook my head, trying to undo the blurry and ringing side effects of the sound of a gun going off near your head. I gave the older man a glare before standing and snatching my Glock from his hands. That’s when I saw Kate shifting herself to the side of the metal table she was no longer tied to, trying to get her limbs to comply with her to help her off and on to the floor.
I ran over and grabbed her just as she nearly stumbled face first to the floor and lifted her up to her feet, her body heavy with lack of keeping herself up.
“Do you think you can walk?” I asked, trying to keep her on her feet.
“I… I don’t… I…” Kate stammered as she tried to push herself off of me while also using using me as a crutch until she could stand on her own. However, she didn’t seem to be able to put any kind of pressure on her legs without falling down.
“Kate?” A girl’s voice called out from above us.
Feeling Kate shudder, I realized that it must have been the sound of Sonja’s voice and Mrs. Larson was using her to keep Kate from running. I quickly swung my arm down behind her knees, pressing the other down on her back as I lifted her up off the floor, my Glock at the ready as I kept it pointed in front of me while my arm held up Kate’s knees.
“She must have heard the gunshots,” I pointed out, “how’d you get past her in the first place?”
“I set the other cabins on fire,” Mr. Raines answered as if it were the simplest of answers, “I had to distract her somehow and give those bodies she’d been eating a better fate than becoming her shit.”
“Are you planning on setting this place on fire too?” I asked.
“‘Course I am!” Mr. Raines exclaimed, seemingly offended I’d even ask. “I already doused it in gasoline, I ain’t wasting all that time!”
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice cried out, getting closer to the basement door. “Are you seriously leaving me here to die alone again!”
“Please… Make it… Stop…” Kate sniffed as she gripped my shirt and burying her face into the fabric.
“Let’s get you two out of here.” Mr. Raines began leading the way to the basement stairs, cocking his rifle as he did so.
“What about you?” I asked, immediately following after him.
Mr. Raines didn’t answer as he stomped up the stairs and kicked the door open to the first floor of the cabin. The stench of the gasoline he had spilled hitting me harshly in my face.
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice, along with a different crescendo of male voices shrieked out as Mrs. Larson appeared from the corner of the hallway where the basement was located.
“Leighton?” A different woman’s voice asked the moment the old woman’s eyes spotted Mr. Raines. I then watched in both shock and confusion as it almost looked like the very skin on the woman melted off to reveal a much younger woman. The woman I recognized as Bonnie Collins. “Leighton… Love is that you?”
Mr. Raines kept his rifle on the vision of the woman he once loved before her murder, but didn’t move or speak.
“Darling, I’ve missed you so much!” The fake Bonnie cried out as she began making her way to Mr. Raines with arms open wide to hug him.
Mr. Raines then lifted his gun up higher, placing his finger on the trigger which caused the vision to stop in her place.
“Leighton?” The fake Bonnie asked. “Baby, it’s me… Bun-Bun… Don’t you recognize me…?” She began to tear up.
“You’re not my Bunny,” Mr. Raines growled before he shot once at the woman.
The fake Bonnie swiftly dodged the bullet, an inhuman hiss coming from an unhinged mouth, revealing a row of long, sharp teeth. The skin of Bonnie then melted off to reveal another woman, a lot younger than the first one it intimidated. The face of one of the victims upon being brought on this case.
“Kate,” the fake Sonja called out, “Kate, what are you doing? Who are these men? Why are they trying to hurt me?”
Kate let out a sobbing gasp, her nails digging into my shoulder with her arm wrapped around my neck.
“Didn’t I suffer enough?” The fake Sonja asked. “First my boyfriend and now you? Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”
“Shut up!” Kate demanded. “You’re not Sonja! You killed her, you killed all of them! I don’t care what happens to me, but I’m not letting their memories end with you!”
Kate then snatched my Glock from my hand under her legs and shot directly at the fake Sonja’s head. Again the shot missed as the fake vision of the girl slithered out of the way, a frustrated growl of a dog and human escaping it’s mouth. It then zipped to the side, cowering with its back to us on the floor.
“Lucky dime…” A child’s voice then took over. The vision’s skin melting now to a much smaller figure. “Is this what you want? To kill me all over again?” He turned to look up at me, Liam’s face forever eight-years-old staring up at me. “It’s no wonder mommy and daddy hate you now… You were always a shitty brother… Now, I’m gonna starve to death because you’d rather help a couple of strangers.”
“I’m sorry, Liam,” I replied, everyone, including the fake Liam looking to me in surprise, “I left you alone out here and that’s what got you killed by that thing out there and I’m sorry. But, if I’d stayed it may have been both of us and then mom and dad would have no one left to blame but each other. If you had left and I was the one killed, you’d probably be in my shoes instead. I’m sorry for letting you get killed, but I’m gonna make up for it now.”
I then took my Glock back from Kate and pointed it to the vision of Liam.
“Good bye, Liam.”
I shot the gun once again, missing the creature again, however, this time I just kept shooting, Mr. Raines following after. Our different bullets just kept firing, the thing dodging and trying to get closer to us. The creature screeched out at us in a myriad of different voices both familiar and unknown. It wasn’t until one shot from my Glock struck the creatures shoulder and Mr. Raines’ rifle struck its head when the skins of everyone it was trying to turn into all melted off, revealing Mrs. Larson once again.
However, this time, she looked shriveled, older than she looked before. Her face looked deformed, beginning to grow furry, her eyes growing nothing but red, no irises, no pupils, just red. Her hair grew longer, branches like antlers growing painfully out from her skull, breaking the skin as they grew larger. The lower half of her face grew elongated, turning into that of a muzzle of fangs and a drooling mouth.
“You… All… Have no rrrrrrriiiiiight!” A different, unknown voice snarled out from what used to be Mrs. Larson. “People liiiiiike you all… Abandoned me and myyyyyyyyy sister!” The fur growing around this thing grew out short and shaggy, the cloths it was using melting off with the skin and flesh it was wearing. It now didn’t look anything like a human woman. It now took the form of a large wolf mixed with that of a deer, it’s body dog-like with hooves, antlers, and a long, scraggly tail. “You lot abandoned us here! You left us all here to diiiiiiiie!”
Guilt was weighing down on me with each syllable it was growling. Kate looked away from it, burying her face in my neck as Mr. Raines lowered his rifle.
“Nooooow, you’re bringing more here to just leave and let die out here!” It went on, it’s horrifying, broken body shuddering. “Why let them just vanish and die up here when they can bring people like my sister and I back? Give me Kate’s heart and fix what you threeeeeeeeee failed!”
Mr. Raines then handed over his rifle to Kate, placing it down on her stomach as her hands were still wrapped around my neck. The older man made his way over to stand over the thing, its neck creaking like a rusted door as it turned its wolf-like head to look up at him.
“Leighton…” Bonnie’s voice came from the creature. “Give mmmmeeeee her heart aaaannnnd we can be togetherrrrr again… If you eat the deeeeeetective’s we can saaaaaave you tooooooo…”
“My Bunny’s dead,” Mr. Raines told it as he dug in his pocket and took out a carton of matches, “and so am I.”
“You’d burn your wife?” A mix of Bonnie and Mrs. Larson’s voices shrieked as it glared at the match he took from the match box.
“You’re not my wife,” Mr. Raines told it, “and I’ll never see her again.”
“Fooooooool,” Mr. Larson’s voice chuckled, “you’llllllll killllllll us both!”
“With the shit I’ve done in my life, I know you’re taking me to Hell with you,” Mr. Raines growled back as he struck the match on the box, “so I’m sure as fuck not afraid to burn here on Earth with you!”
Mr. Raines then dropped the match to the floor right before the creature and everything around the two of them immediately went up in flames, the fur of the creature catching quickly and engulfing it. An agonized shriek echoed out all around us, the creature thrashing in the fire it had gotten swallowed up in. Mr. Raines then grabbed it by it’s long, furry throat and swung it down back flat the floor, jumping to pin it down.
“Get out!” Mr. Raines cried out to me. “Leave here!”
Not needing to be told twice, I held onto Kate tightly and bolted past the two burning bodies, jumping over the fire as it began growing fast throughout the cabin. I quickly got to the front door and stopped to look back to see Mr. Raines fighting the creature and preventing it from coming after us, it begging for me to bring Kate back and that it would die without her.
“I’ll clear your name,” I called back, trying not to reel back in horror as I saw Mr. Raines skin begin to melt off, “I’ll let people know you didn’t kill Bonnie!”
“I’ll let people know you didn’t… Kill… Liam!” Mr. Raines’ voice called back, him thrashing around with Mrs. Larson as he said my brother’s name in my voice.
I turned back and kicked the front door open, rushing Kate out of the burning cabin. I ran until I got far enough from the smoke, turning back to see all three cabins now on fire, the area around them all ablaze. The only place untouched was Mrs. Larson’s house, all the evidence remaining. I could hear sirens in the distance coming closer. The sounds of shouts from the surviving officers sounding much closer.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
I looked to the front porch of Mrs. Larson’s house where her recorder continued to call out for her sister. I set Kate down at the base of a nearby tree and ran to snatch the recorder, shutting it off. I searched around, looking for any signs of Prudence, but it appeared that the fire and the sounds of sirens and voices had scared her off. I ran back to Kate, her eyes closed and her not responding to me calling to her, but after checking her pulse and breathing, I found that the medication Mrs. Larson had given her had finally taken over and she was now fast asleep, the rifle Mr. Raines gave her still sitting on her rhythmically rising and falling stomach.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I leaned against the same tree I set Kate down on and slid down to the ground next to her. The first two cabins were already practically nothing but ash, the last still blazing as I heard the slowly fading screams of Mrs. Larson and Mr. Raines coming from inside.
When the screaming ended all together, the smoke turning blacker as it rose from the flames, I got to my feet and took out my pack of cigarettes as I approached the fires, staying far enough away not to get burned. I opened the pack up before stopping myself as I reached for one of the ten remaining cigarettes inside. I then flung the entire carton into the fires without taking one.
“Save one for me down there, you old bastard,” I told Mr. Raines before making my way back to Kate’s side.
It wasn’t long before the remaining officers found us, looking in confusion at the fires and to me with a sleeping victim in a homicide case on the ground. I told them we’d need to call an ambulance for Kate and that we needed to keep the flames from getting to Mrs. Larson’s house as it held evidence on the case. One officer retrieved his radio and called for an ambulance while a group ran to the house and another went to try controlling the fire as best they could by yanking out any bushes near by and throwing them away from the area around the house.
Luckily, the fire trucks were called long before the fire spread too far, residence noticing it practically the moment Mr. Raines set the first cabin on fire.
As I sat there, keeping Kate held up against the tree we sat under, I listened to the crackling of the fire, the sirens of fast approaching fire trucks and the ambulance, and the sounds of distance, coyote, almost human, howling.

So today, I went out to eat with my partner and his family -- his parents and his sister. His sister recently got back after studying abroad in Prague, but she spent a ton of her time traveling western Europe as well, and she got gifts for everyone from her trip to Scotland.
Everyone except for me.
My therapist keeps telling me that I have a found family. That I have people I can trust. But do these people really consider me family? I've lived with this person for most of the last 3.5 years, but I'm not even enough of an afterthought to spend $2 at a gift shop.
Am I really important to these people? Do they really care about me? Do I have relationships with them that are in some way separate from my partner? Or am I simply tolerated, someone who can be forgotten about as soon as they become inconvenient?
I don't have family. I have my sister and my partner, and that's it. And I don't even know if these people even like me. When my partner's sister was manic last year, she told me that she forgot that we were different people, then later told me that she and someone that I considered a friend have always deeply disliked me. She was psychotic at the time, but... Is that true? Do I really want to know the answer if it is?
My partner's dad thinks that I'm arrogant and don't have intellectual humility. I've overheard my partner's mom describe me as fragile. How can I tell if they actually like and care about me? How do I know that I'm not simply tolerated?
I mean, bf's dad told me a while back that he "love how much you care about this family." And his mom is giving me her car whenever I can learn to drive (hopefully soon).
But I always say something wrong whenever I talk to people, and I feel like this empty husk of a person because I can't do anything that I actually care about hnrik I can get on ADHD meds. And these people have only seen me at my worst. So why would they genuinely want me around? What the hell am I offering anyone? I'm this bundle of unpleasant social habits due to extreme isolation in my formative years, who plays video games and watches TV all day because he can't do anything else. It's not like I'm contributing anything.
It's just... It's so hard. I'm really trying to accept my life, the people in it, and the role that they play in my life. I'm trying to trust people. But I feel like even the people who love me don't like me or want me.
And it's a fact that the people who are supposed to love me want to suck me dry of resources, tell me that it's my fault and ditch to go find someone else to take advantage of (my parents and my 2 brothers, who I'm no contact with). The only people who genuinely desire my presence in their lives seems to be my partner and my sister (who lives across the country and is dealing with her own issues).
I hate this shit. I hate not knowing whether I should commit to these people, and being a part of my partner's family, or not; because trusting someone gives them the chance to betray you (and I've been very deeply taken advantage of by people that I thought were family). I hate this feeling that nobody likes me; and even if I understand why, it's still rough, because I'm really doing my best. It's just that I'm struggling, like a anyone would if they had my past. And this thought that people will only like me if I change... It hurts. Even though I want to change, I don't want to have to in order for people to genuinely want me around.
I can't talk to my partner about this, because it involves him and his family. I can't talk to his sister, because I don't want her to feel bad (and also, I'm not confiding in a 21 year old). I can't talk to his parents, because they'll either pity me or think I'm crazy. I can't talk to his (our? maybe? I dunno) friends because I might reveal how ridiculously sensitive I am to rejection due to my trauma that I'm still handling in EMDR. I can't talk about it to my sister because she's struggling with her own shit and she's super emotionally distant. So I'm alone right now. I hate it.

I have been watching this show since the beginning and I will say when Keisha got kidnapped is when it kinda lost me but now I feel like they’re back on track. With that being said….for season 6

1. I am SICK of Britney, her trying to get info out of Bakari is so obvious and the fact that Douda mentioned the book—Bakari is already catching on.
   
2. I love Tiffany’s character development but dang, why she had to run her big mouth and tell Douda what Bianca said about their relationship🙄 but I will admit, it’s nice seeing his blood pressure rise.
   
3. Shad is just throwing his life away and he’s a bum, to me. He had it sweet living with Deja til he messed that up and now he’s taking handouts from Alicia, chile that’s a mess.
   
4. Jake is just thinking with his you know what. Dealing with that First Lady is gonna come back to bite him. Same with Papa working for the pastor, even when his own daughter is basically like “good luck”. I’m just interested in seeing how crooked this pastor really is, does he work for Douda-did he kill Papa’s father(I remember they had a little beef)? Like what’s tea?
   
5. We already know that Ronnie is Keisha’s baby father, not only did IMDB say it, it’s obvious. Immediately after Emmett he wasn’t the father, the camera pans to Nuk and she was dating him(and on the way to see him) when she was kidnapped. We know Emmett will be pissed despite Keisha overlooking all his kids and mess but I can’t wait to see how this turns out.
   
6. I love THEE Lynn Whitfield, she is playing tf out of her role as Alicia and I can’t wait to see her really turn up.
   
7. I can’t believe nobody has taken Douda out yet. It’s taking too long lol
   
8. I can’t wait to see more of fine ass Leon! Idc if he’s crooked, that man is fine!
   
9. Poor Victor, his lifestyle is catching back up to him smh and I definitely think Fatima is gonna leave him.
   

I’m probably missing a few things but that’s all I got lol

Hi again everyone it's me, if you remember. I got a couple people in my dms asking how I'm doing and I'm allowed to write another update so... well. Here I am. Almost exactly 6 weeks since the worst 48 hours of my life.
I guess I'll just get into it since I'm using this as a diary at this point but I did also start journaling but journaling feels kind of lonely sometimes. And a lot has happened that I would appreciate everyone's thoughts on because you have all been really helpful. Thank you so much.
TL;DR: I'm back at work and getting on my feet and going to group art therapy. I met one of my boyfriend's old friends who's taking care of him and putting him through rehab. My old friends are coming back around and I'm trying to figure out how to be accountable and better for them. I'm ok, I'm safe, I'm almost happy.
I went back to work on May 1st because I promosed myself I would. I work at a smoothie shop, and we are a small team of 4 who usually work in pairs with my boss (the owner) there during rush hours and the baker who works before any of us come in.
When I came to open the shop that morning, the baker talked with me and asked how I was doing. I don't want people to know a lot but she has always been nice to me so I vented a little to her. I wasn't expecting how good it felt to talk to someone about everything that happened even not super detailed. Especially when she gave me such a big hug which made me cry tbh and told me to be strong and she was so happy I came back and didn't hide. 🥺
After talking to her and the coworker I usually work with, I felt better about therapy and stuff because talking does help. So when I got the call from that group therapy thing I wasn't as scared and didn't chicken out like I thought I would. I went and met people in my group, and it was a good experience. I am still going today.
A few days after the 1st I got a call from an unknown number. I don't normally answer those but with the situation and numbers I've been calling lately I didn't want to miss something important so I answered. A man introduced himself to me (I will call him "Tom") and told me he was a friend of my boyfriend "Luke".
I had never heard of this person before and I was just completely shocked and kind of just said "oh" and he started talking. He said he paid the rent for May for the suite and said he gave notice of ending the rental agreement, and asked if I wanted anything of mine from the place and if so he told me I had until the 11th before he dumped/sold stuff and start cleaning.
I came back to myself after that and was just like "hang on who are you and did you find Luke or what???" Because as far as I knew Luke was still missing and also I didn't know who he was.
So basically, a little background on Luke's life: He's originally from very very rural Quebec. He was taken into custody by the ministry when he was 8 after his mom passed away via sui and tried to take him with her because of his dad's extreme physical and sexual abuse towards both Luke and his mom. There were no foster resources in his town so he was taken to a bigger city and put with a family there.
He got into a lot of trouble with the ministry and police and kept having to get moved around due to threatening behavior towards his foster family (parents and siblings). Eventually he got into drinking and drugs and very badly beat up his younger foster brother and foster mother when he was 11 or 12. He got diagnosed with a conduct disorder and got put into juvie prison.
There was a project starting at that time in BC that was rehabilitation for juvie kids in MCFD custody. Basically they set up group homes that were staffed by social workers and counselors, like a foster home but run by a non-profit group not one family. This is actually something similar to where I grew up, but mine was for kids who "failed to thrive" in single-family care while Luke's was for kids who were criminals or addicts.
Because of his childhood situation and how they got him into custody, the MCFD wanted to see Luke go through one of those programs and hopefully be better. So they told him either the group home or juvie and he picked the group home, and a social worker from BC came to get him and flew him to the city. But in this new city even though he got to go back to public school and do stuff like gymnastics which he missed, he didn't know english as much and didn't have friends. So he started acting out again and got arrested more times.
Back to now. Tom told me that when he was in grade 10 and Luke was in grade 8, Tom joined a leadership club at his high school. Because of Luke's history he was forced into leadership club's "big brother" program with threat of being expelled if he didn't. Tom got assigned Luke in his "big brother" project, and they became friends, and then they became family all through high school and through Tom's first 3 years at uni. When he was telling me this I was blown away because Luke literally never even mentioned him so I finally just asked "well then why don't I know you? what happened?"
Tom said "Well, you know Luke." And I guess I do. Soooo yeah.
Luke showed up at Tom's childhood home a week after the stuff with Peanut, and Tom's parents called 911 because he was erratic and very high. The ambulance came and took him, and Tom went to the hospital to see him after his parents told him what happened.
At this point I had to go catch the bus but I told him we could text and meet and I wanted to help him clean the place too because I felt responsibility. He insisted it would be fine but I insisted I wanted to help so I texted him my schedule and we arranged a time to meet.
When I told my boss about all of this she and especially her husband asked if I could take a friend or if one of them could go. I told them I would ask my coworker since we have the same days off so I wouldn't trouble his busy schedule and definitely my boss should NOT go because she is getting so pregnant it's crazy and she needed to rest and still does need rest.
So my coworker I will call Nerd bc inside joke (who is male and big so that is helpful) agreed and we bussed to Luke's place. There was a car in front I didn't know so I assumed it was Tom's and sure enough he was there when I went in and was dealing with the fridge.
We shook hands and I introduced Nerd who kind of puffed up and made a stupid joke about beating Tom's ass over funny business but tbh the second I met Tom I got pretty OK vibes. But I guess well maybe I shouldn't trust it but really he was ok.
We went separately through the place and I spent most of my time in my "room" which was just a corner of the living room with a curtain tbh but my stuff was there so I packed it into garbage bags I brought. Kinda got flashbacks of packing as a kid which felt... weird tbh. 🙃
It also didn't help that Tom was kind of weird. Like not in a bad way but he would curse and mutter to himself when he found something gross or messed up like bad food, Luke's collection of drug stuff, that kind of thing. But then he would also tell me and Nerd what to do and where to put trash vs other stuff, but ALSO like... acted like he didn't want to touch anything himself? Like super cautious.
He also asked me stuff about my life here and how things were and what me and Luke did together, and I answered what I was comfortable with but he still kept apologizing and telling me he didn't want to know my personal stuff. Like it wasn't bad weird like I said but I think he was rly uncomfortable. He did pull me aside in the bathroom and asked if Luke ever hurt me and I was able to answer honestly and say no, he never even treated me that bad. But when I said that he kind of scoffed and muttered "that bad" like sarcastically and seemed mad so seriously it was. Weird. But idk if I were Tom I'd probably be pretty messed up about all of this so.
I insisted to help clean and Tom went to take the trash out. Nerd said he had to go soon bc he had an exam he had to study for and I said he could go and promised I'd be ok because I didn't get a bad vibe from Tom and Nerd admitted Tom seemed ok too. So he left but told me to call if I needed him bc he wouldn't be SUPER busy.
After saying goodbye I kind of asked Tom after a while what was going on with Luke. I just needed to know I guess? I don't know, I felt a lot of emotion being back there. Like I felt the love for him again and wished he was ok but Tom didn't tell me anything yet about where he was or how he was just that he was alive and reported found to police.
So... Luke's in rehab on the island. Tom talked to him in the hospital after he detoxed and said he explained the situation that happened. Apparently Luke broke down sobbing when he told him how he killed Peanut, and said the words: "I killed Peanut. I killed Peatie." Tom started crying while telling me this and tbh I cried too. I thanked Tom for being there bc Tom said he held him and comforted him and after all the hugs I got after Peanut and how that helped I'm just glad Luke got that too.
But yeah, so Tom told Luke it was time to get it together and Luke agreed. Tom seems hopeful it'll stick "this time," which he explained their original falling out was bc Luke lied to Tom about being sober after Tom put him through rehab once before. I really hope it will too and I am glad he has Tom to help him and pay for rehab bc it's not cheap especially those private places on the island but apparently the first time it failed it was in one of those cheap places in the DTES and Tom told me since he's been running programs there he's seen firsthand how those places are run and says the private is worth the money. Which I think is sad bc so many people are poor and need help too but it's complicated ig.
Tom offered me a ride home and I accepted. He told me before we got into the car that it would be ok if I wanted to text a picture of his license plate and car and ID to a safe person and I didn't even consider that so I felt kind of stupid but I did do that stuff and texted my boss and told her we were leaving. But tbh I wasn't worried. Tom seemed so nice and he gave me so much closure on what happened with Luke and knowing he's in good hands with someone that seems really sweet and put together makes me feel better about all the choices I made and also makes me feel like Peanut's loss has more meaning.
When I got home Tom introduced himself to my boss briefly and then we went in. She asked how everything went and I told her everything I wrote out here except I started crying hard and she cuddled me and told me to take it slow. But unlike other times I've cried since Peanut passed, that cry felt different. Like I was weak and emptied out, but not emptied out of all the good things, more like emptied out of the heavy things to make room for even more. And I haven't cried since. Not over Luke, and not over Peanut.
So I'm doing ok. Me and Tom met up twice more to clean the suite and I joined him for the inspection yesterday with the landlord. It felt good to leave that on a good note too, because the landlord let me move in back in fall which he didn't have to do especially with Peanut, and always treated us well. He told me that even though I wasn't an official tenant I could use him as a reference.
After the inspection yesterday Tom took me, my boss, boss' husband, and their daughter for dinner at a REALLY nice place which we all said was unnecessary but he insisted. He said really nice things to me about how he's grateful I tried so hard to take care of Luke and knows personally how difficult it is to love him. He promised me that nothing was my fault and that I can let it go now because he's going to take care of him and I should focus on moving forward into adulthood without any burdens. Idk maybe you had to be there but the way he said it was like... maybe I'm reading too much into it but it was like he was really specifically saying this stuff for Luke's sake or bc Luke hurt me and he felt like he had to make up to me? But it was nice either way.
Oh and I reconnected with a few of my old friends from high school!! The ones who I had a bad falling out with over Luke and my bad choices. My one friend Taylor reached out to me after I made my story on May 22nd a selfie of me reading that 'why does he do that' book and saying "1 month single 🙏" I guess a mutual mentioned it to Taylor and she added my number on sc again.
It's only kinda been small talk and stuff so far, but I've been trying to be really nice and I'm waiting for it to come up to take accountability for my bad treatment of the friend group but I'm thinking maybe I should say something first bc no one is bringing it up? Idk, if anyonr has advice I would appreciate it a lot bc I really want to be so much better than I am and I was and everything. For Peanut, but also for me.
This is the last update I'll post bc honestly it feels like things are mostly sorted out and I can't help but feel like I'm wasting people's time. 💀 But thanks again everyone and for those who wanted an update I hope you enjoy this freaking novel...

Hey there! Hope y'all are doing well. I recently met this girl through my best friend and we first met at a function at my bestfriend's house. She was dating back then and then we just started texting out of the blue. Soon enough, she broke up with him and we started texting vigorously once again. We started flirting with each other and we hit it off and eventually i confessed to her over text to which she reciprocated positively and we began dating. Initially she showed the same enthusiasm as I did while we first started off but then later she said she wanted to go slow to which I agreed. I tend to get attached too quickly to someone and I feel I came off as overwhelming. I want to prioritise her comfort and I agreed with her right away. Skip to 15 days after, I return from Kerala (I had gone there for a vacation and i live fairly close to her) and we decided to meet up. It went really well and i quite enjoyed it. We saw a movie, went to a nice restaurant, hung out at a garden and she eventually went back home. The next day she texted me this: "It's just that on text it gets overwhelming at times, but it's manageable because I can just come back to it taking my own time. Although in person, even though you are exactly the same as you are one text, for me, it's even more overwhelming. You are very sweet, but I'm just not ready for any of it, honestly, and i don't wanna snap at you unnecessarily . For me to figure out everything, I need my space. In the mean time I don't want you to get way too attached, this marriage and kids and sex and future planning is fun and wholesome when you're actually there mentally..I'm merely able to digest the reality of all of it. Don't get me wrong, it's very adorable, but I don't see it the way you do. I love planning about the future, but in this case, I'm not even sure about relationships and intimacy in the first place."
I was slightly upset but like i said her comfort mattered quite a bit to me and i asked her to take all the time and space she needs and i also apologised in advance if there was anything i was doing from my end to make her feel uncomfortable. We didn't talk much after partially because she was busy and I was scared that i was losing her to which she responded: "I know these couple of days we haven't really talked as such, but it's not that I'm mad or cutting you off or anything. It's actually nothing of that sort. And I know I am very chaotic .. but just bare with me for a while. I sometimes like to just do me, and it may seem like I'm being distant, but I'm just simply trying to hang in there..so when it gets too much to deal with..like when my own stuff is a lot to deal with, I might take time off of everything. For introspection and just normally living life and also because I absolutely love my me time. I'm telling you all this because I really need you to understand that , it's just how I am and that you don't need to worry about it."
Please help me out as to what I'm supposed to make out of this situation and how should I proceed. What are some things I should keep in mind while giving space? Do y'all think there's any hope here? Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and i hope you have a wonderful day!
TL;DR:
Met a girl through a friend, started texting, and began dating after she broke up with her boyfriend. Things went well initially but she wanted to take it slow. After a date, she expressed feeling overwhelmed by the intensity and needed space to figure things out. She reassured me she wasn't cutting me off but needed time for herself. I'm unsure how to proceed, wanting to respect her need for space while hoping for a future together. Looking for advice on managing this situation and if there's hope for the relationship.
Edit: I had a very severe anxiety attack last night and I'm feeling really lost.
Edit 2: Sorry the title was supposed to say 20F

Myself and my husband used to live in another city where we owned an apartment but after having a child 5 years ago we decided to move closer to where we were brought up to be closer to family and so our child could have a closer relationship with their grandparents.
My mom and I were always close but since moving back she's been quite controlling and critical of me, my parenting and how I want to live my life which means around every couple of months she ends up telling me she will never see me again. She always comes back into the fold after a week or so on the premise that she wants to see her grandchild and so the cycle continues. My child doesn't know any of this is going on in the background, we try to keep things normal for them. It's very exhausting but we want them to have a relationship and I would never want to stand in the way of that.
So the AITA question - my husband and I kept our apartment and rented it out because we weren't sure if we would like moving home and also as an investment for our retirement. However with changes in the economic outlook we decided to sell.
My mom knew we were selling but I didn't go into detail in terms of finances or what was agreed because she has very strong opinions (which she believes are always right) and likes to criticise so I thought best to avoid going into detail with her - after all it is our business, not hers and I felt keeping her at a distance from it was better for my mental health.
The sale finally went through after some difficulties which took months. I let her know it had gone through and we had made some money which was great. She seemed happy at first and I said we would find a way to celebrate.
The next day I received messages saying she will never see me again because I was sly. She won't answer calls but I can only imagine this is because she didn't know the details of the sale and how much money we made. She says she feels unwanted and I can only imagine this because I didn't offer to take her on holiday or something to share the wealth but I didn't feel I could say that when I didn't know exactly how much money we would be left with after taxes, paying off loans and contributing to our current house.
She suggested the money was for spending but I see it as a pot for ours and our child's future. I had thought we could go for a holiday with her as a thank you for all she's done for us over the years but didn't mention this because I hadn't spoken to my husband about it - he has little patience for her because of how she treats me. Now she has once again cut me off and said all this about me I am less inclined to give her money or take her on a holiday. AITA for not involving her more or for offering her a share of the money? Within a day she has disowned me for all this.

Prequel (Chapters 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
Prequel (Chapters 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie

This is my first post, as someone who's been exposed to lethal levels of kri content for years, here's my understanding of them. Detailed analysis, forgive me.
Akri - tries very hard to look nonchalant but is in fact very... Chalant. 😄 Cares a lot about how she comes across, makes it a point to put out an image of someone who's mindful and soulful. Might have realised too late that being pretty isn't going to cut it in today's media field with highly talented people, so tries to make it look like being a foodie and travelling are actual skills. Also being aesTHetic and organised. Lives for the "good girl " tag, from everyone . Puts in lots of effort and time into this. Kudos. As far from nonchalant as it can get. Will not ask for likes and shares in her vlogs like every other cheap vlogger (she does vlogging for fun and is in fact a film actor who deserves more film projects, as she'll tell you in every interview) , but will in fact give you a very meaningful advice, something that encourages you to be mindful about life. The nonchalance has gone way too far that it looks fake af when she tries to act excited about food, singing, dancing, etc. Takes grandparents for outings and vlogs about it, because how the fans drool over paasam for oldies. Preachy.
Dikri- deeply wounded middle child who didn't get a lot of validation growing up, probably the attention was hoarded by older sibling who proudly admits to disliking the younger one from day one. Might have tried to earn her family's love as a child, which should've been given unconditionally, but never measured up to the stds set by the older one, whose need for approval and admiration made for a sense of rivalry than feelings of siblinghood. Decided it wasn't worth it to try anymore, and turned into a rebel. Seeking validation from outside, falling for love bombing and a guy who'll praise her constantly, treat her like the main character and shower superficial compliments on skin color and beauty. Probably has low self esteem, having been contrasted against siblings who are more traditionally pretty. Will keep telling everyone she's pretty not realising how silly it sounds, because insecurities are loud. Posts for her mother's bday in the most impersonal way 'hbd mathaji' etc, acts rude with family in vlogs, bitter about the partiality and lack of attention given her as a child. Puts on hyper independence as an armour.
Ishkri- mentally checked out from the drama. Looks resigned and indifferent as a result. Seems like a nice person. Probably got a lot of validation from everyone growing up because how pretty can someone be! All the positive attention, halo effect probably helped her grow into that person who's actually low key, secure and content with herself.
Hakri- the pampered one, felt the effect of sibling rivalry the least among them owing to her young age, the older ones seem to want to be Hakris favorite, Akri especially going so far as to say it'd have been nice if it was just herself and the youngest as siblings, the bond would've been better. Seems to be closest to Ishkri, also very out of touch with reality thanks to being very privileged and cute. Comes across shallow but actually cares about being nice to others imho. Should've joined a college in another state away from..
Sikri: that parent who's extremely partial towards whichever child caters to her own needs the most. Openly tells the world who her favorites are, how she prefers travelling with one daughter for the expensive resorts they stay at etc. Probably feels like she could've married better and not for love, since she cannot stop telling everyone about her schooling in Ooty, childhood abroad and overall past glory. Realises her need for luxury through her kids, rewarding the one who affords the most luxury lifestyle for her. Immature. Never encouraged kids to pick up a book and read. Thereby limiting their sense of self to looks/money. Talking in English imo to rub in the fact, ooty educated formerly rich woman fallen to a life of normalcy. Favors the kids who are prettier and more successful. Lives in reflected glory.
Kriku: disdainful towards the wannabe attitude of his partner. Indifferent to the child who seems to pamper mamma just for cookie points and all the antics for attention and approval. Seems to sense the unfairness of parents picking favorites among their children, therefore chooses to hold Dikri close and tries to tell her she's valued. Except for the bjp thing, seems grounded and normal. Might not be very intelligent. But means well.
Tl;dr. Bad parenting resulting in rivalry among siblings. In a culture where toxic parenting is a taboo topic, a family of influencers who show us what not to do.
I wrote this because I know they love reddit as much as any of us. Also to say, people see through it all. All that said. Big fan. Grateful for the entertainment.
To Akri - it's OK to be human and flawed. Reading will enrich the mind and actually add substance. To Dikri - you've won at life, nothing as pretty as being humble.
Op suffers from acute joblessness, as you might have noticed. Not successful or pretty enough, sigh.😔

Here's a big fat receipt that should be added to the archive, I pulled an all-nighter compiling this into one post. Major credit goes to the vigilant members of this sub & the great information I was able to scour through .
Congrats on identifying Drake's bad behavior with women. I was unsure about the best way to present this because it requires some delicacy & subtlety. During one of my recent deep dives for another piece, I discovered something quite unsettling. I'm aware that there will be a lot of criticism to my post, but I had to say it. People will tell me it's nothing, but Drake's actions speak for themselves.
Before jumping in, I don’tunderstand why this behaviour is getting unchecked. My narrative is completely alleged & all of this is public information.
Let's start from the beginning shall we…
May, 2010: Drake calls a girl on stage fondles the girl and kisses her neck and the crowd cheers along with it. In his defense, he doesn't ask the girl her age but how does it make it any better. He still fondled her without asking for consent in front of a crowd of people.
When the girl tells him that she's only 17 he tries to remedy the situation by saying "how the hell she looks like this" and "you thick". He jokes he can't go to jail and the crowd cheers along with it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp5b9dW1nrA
If this was the only time that Drake did something like this, I would have called it an honest mistake but sadly it's not it.
Year 2016: https://mtonews.com/drake-groomed-hailey-baldwin-at-age-14-then-started-dating-her-at-18
Drake knows Hailey Bieber(nee Baldwin) when she was 14 years old and has been a "good friend" to her. They know each other 'cause Hailey is bestfriends with Kendall and Kylie.
In 2016, Hailey was just nineteen where as Drake was twenty-nine. It's legal but here is the deal. Drake knows her since she was fourteen and Drake is good friends with Justin Bieber, Hailey's then ex boyfriend. Him going after Hailey immediately after her breakup with Justin makes zero sense, ethics wise.https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/drake-is-pursuing-hailey-baldwin-w20858I mean why would someone go after his friends ex who's 10 years his junior?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-90gjG044IQ
Drake also got himself a similar "h" charm necklace that Hailey had a penchant for wearing. Ignore Justin in the background for a second and here it is. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/V_91WJgGVQw
Year 2018: Drake and Bella Harris met when she was sixteen. Her dad's a famous producer. https://www.kanyetothe.com/threads/drake-and-bella-harris-timeline.8088605/
When she turned eighteen Drake rented an entire restaurant for her birthday. Um what? I get that they can be friends but she's just 18 and he's 31. https://www.eonline.com/news/968171/drake-and-rumored-girlfriend-bella-harris-enjoy-intimate-dinner https://www.wmagazine.com/story/bella-harris-who-is-drake-girlfriend
Also, in 2018 Drake went after the weeknd's then ex girlfriend Bella Hadid. Abel and Drake have been mates and collaborates since 2010. Drake helped Abel to step in the spotlight while Abel helped with writing Drake's album, Take care and also lend his vocals.
After her split from the weeknd and around 2018, Drake threw Bella her 21st birthday party. Looks like drizzy really likes throwing birthday parties. https://www.elle.com/culture/music/a21999080/drake-bella-hadid-romance-references-in-finesse-lyrics/
Take note that this has happened two times where Drake has gone for his mates exes and I know Hollywood's chill with it but this just feels emotionally predatory. It's not like he doesn't know these girls, he knows them since they were teens. It's not random.
Year 2019: Billie Eilish defends her texting Drake. Drake's 33 and she's just 18. She even comments that Drake's at a level that he doesn't need to be nice to her but that's a whole different level of power imbalance. https://www.buzzfeed.com/terrycartebillie-eilish-revealed-that-drake-texts-her-creepy
Maybe I'm reaching and they are artists and Drake is interested artistically and helps her with the industry but it just weird.
Millie Bobby Brown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYZPKh74Li8
I can't with this interaction. For one second I was ready to ignore all of the above but this? A 33 year old texting a 15 year old girl that he misses her? and talks about boys? Tf is wrong with people justifying this? People are saying it's innocent but she was 15 and I don't think any grown man should be talking about these things with a 15 year old. Also, Millie posting this https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/09/210592/millie-bobby-brown-defends-friendship-with-drake
There is also this thing with Drake and the Kar-jenners and I don't know what to think: https://people.com/tv/kylie-jenner-drake-spending-romantic-time-togethe
https://twitter.com/WizMonifaaa/status/1467919407095681028/photo/4
https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.56014/title.drake-does-damage-control-after-referring-to-kylie-jenner-as-a-side-piece-on-old-song
Drake performed at Kylie's sweet 16:- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWX-I6n-AQg
I wonder why no one is calling this out in light of the overall situation. Do other people observe this too but are they ignoring it? or am I overanalyzing this? I'm honestly not sure if this is predatory behavior at this point or if something is being misinterpreted since Drake is in the spotlight. Drake is a wealthy man, so what is going on with his management? If all that is occurring is coincidental and benign, then why are they allowing this to happen? To be honest, I'm not sure about it. I just wonder what Drake is doing with all these horrible stories coming out of the industry. The narrative around him changed over night it seems even though a lot of this has been known, but many just turned the other cheek.
Taking Drake down is just cutting out one head from hydra & another will likely take his place but what it WILL do is send a message to the higher ups that we aren’t slow & it’s just a matter of time until the truth comes out & people will have to face the music.

I guess you guys already had a talk about this but I just finished the show and it was amazing just wanted to discuss few things and stuffs you guys found interesting in the show.

1. Like if she was bad why’d she call darius?
   
2. Brooklyn and Ben talk about how few things in dark Jurassic seem real, and one topic they talk about is the nublar six being clones. Could that mean Brooklyn is a clone and she’s going to meet everyone to know more about them or she needs some information? Plus no one other than darius and kenji tell each other that they met Brooklyn also
   
3. I personally thought the love interest between darius and Brooklyn was unnecessary feels more like a bait to capture more teenagers into the show by bringing a love triangle
   
4. Also did you know the voice actor of Brooklyn did not have a right hand just like Brooklyn?
   

I really feel chaos theory is the movie we needed instead of dominion 🙃

Edit: The downvotes have begun but hopefully that means people are reading till the end too. Will have to try the BridgertonRants sub as that seems more accepting of discussions and debates. : )
Would super appreciate it if everyone reads this long-ass thesis of a post with an open mind and to the end...its me being vulnerable in an anonymous reddit sub because i think these things matter in the larger framework of a uniquely special show and the big, bright, beautiful, multicultural gorgeous world we all as humans live in. My last post in this sub was downvoted to hell which btw totally ok...and i dont depend on reddit currency for my livelihood so its all good. I just care about my posts being read...specially this one.
Some context:
I'm very new to this community and reddit as well. Currently have time off work and going ham on reddit and venturing very scared into the deep dark of world of rabid fandoms and small niche communities. Getting a little burnt along the way but also learning from some super talented fans with their own eye-opening ideas and funny posts. Fans of all kinds, Im peeping into profiles, so white, black, brown multicolored rainbow of the world right here.
I'm also an aspiring writer and well...some of my best ideas have come from reddit lurking on cool and active subs with bridgerton sub being new for me. Jet lagged, anxious and just a tad bit antsy, I'm trying to go down and deep and maybe open some deeper discussions here.
I am Indian and lived primarily in India my whole life and now for the last 10 years between London and Canada (why am I sharing all this like and am I also going to tell you my weight, my height etc too...No but hopefully you'll understand this revelation as you read ahead without me spelling it out)
So I've been trying to figure out why fan wars as they pertain to this show prick so personally, so particularly.
I think fandoms anywhere in every country are full of insane people, obsessive chronically online people who find comfort through living through their faves..your beyonce stans, your rihanna stans, your Taylor Swift stans, your harry styles stans, your k pop stans, etc etc..
This show also has some rabid fans..But there is a conversation I want to open up only because I think it's important...Is fighting extra hard for your poc fave because you know their representation in pop culture is limited, their getting jobs is limited, subconscious biases exist even though we have been making great strides and even eradicated overt biases in employment, in accessibility, in government service etc etc ..and their culture not as dominant, their worlds not as seen or coveted.
Our ideas of beauty are framed by the extensiveness and longevity of colonial rule across the world.
there are shit people across all ethnicities religions and genders and nationalities. Barbarians, conquerors, invaders, pillaging villages raping women destroying livelihoods suppressing the peasant class, mutilating and diluting cultures- exist in Africa, the Indian subcontinent, East asia, middle East etc so not just Britain. Basically being brown, black or East Asian and Middle Eastern doesnt grant you moral superiority over white people and you can be racist and casteist and colorist and bigoted and biased and just all around shitty and criminal as a black, brown, east asian middle eastern etc etc person just as much as white people.
So now that thats settled, lets look at specific issues that POC only face because that eventually streams into the show and its politics and its discussion as well.
But for whatever reason ...the British were able to colonize on a scale that the other countries and ethnicities were not able to.. African and the Indian subcontinent's conquests and invasions were limited in area and time period...their scale of conquest limited to a small radius around their own countries...and not foreign lands travelled via sea etc.
As a result and only as a result and not because and I cannot emphasize enough that black, brown or east asian invaders, rulers etc were morally superior, kinder, less assholes...the culture that became dominant was white british culture..or european culture...if Indians had conquered the world, they would have imposed their culture on the lands and countries they invaded, if different African countries invaded the world to the extent of the british colonists, same thing...the dominant culture that would have been forcibly imposed by the people of african ethnicity would be their culture... Black skin would have been considered beautiful, white fair skin would not have been the standard....thats history....thats something we know to be true even through modern wars...the victor dictates...But that simply didnt happen.
it's not because t Africans or Asians or basically non white people are morally superior, more virtuous, incapable of terrorist acts or colonizing or I don't know were like we don't invade and conquest, we so good. But because that's history. They just didn't manage it. thats simply our current historical reality.
Being that the country or countries that did manage to conquer the world or close to 9/10ths of it were Europeans or more specifically British white nationals..which means as would happen even if another nationality had managed to invade the world, the culture that is dominant across the world is a west/white slanted world..
Colorism as a concept didnt exist until colonization: Why would it? If everyone existed under the same harsh sun, had the same skin color with minor variances...why would they think fair is more beautiful. Its because they wouldnt...the first blond haired blue eyed people would have been introduced to India via early traders of east india company in India and dutch colonists before them...Its like if everyone around you is brown, you assume thats just how everyone else looks like...thats the only reality you know...you simply havent seen anyone look any different..you havent seen blue eyes or anything else....same for africans and within that framework as humans are wont to do you create ideas of beauty.
So yes. POCs across the globe had just as arbitrary ideas of beauty as white people (chiense mutilated young women feet cuz small feet more beautiful, in africa genital mutiliation) because humans are humans and humans mess everything up...and animals are so much better...but color as a construct is a colonial one and one which managed to find deeep deep roots because of the extent of the rule, the sheer longevity, For context, India has been independent for the last 75 years..from over 200 years of colonial british rule...Not even the length of the life of a single human. Not even as long as Britains former queen was alive. It will take some more time for that in fighting and ideas of colorism deeply penetrated from the inheritance of our rulers to get dismanted...and totally thrown own...because you can freee from literall bondage more easily, the mind takes longer to adjust and form independent thought. But it will happen.
White people are not more or less racist than POC. Thats not a thing. There are shit people and you can find shit people anywhere...I have shit people right in my own home country, bigots, destroying the diversity of India by bullshit tactics...
But as it stands...because this cultural superiority of British and white people took over, the framing of beauty, of whats fashionable, of whats cool, of whats civilized is all seen through the lens of white culture...eating with hands which many cultures across the world do uncivilized unhygienic, paris fashions and made in italy...mark of excellence...made in India and China...cheap, low quality, scammers and shit people, (thats not to say shit people and scammers dont exist in India and China and there arent industries of scammers across these poorer nations but there is also denying the equisite craftasmanship across fashion and beauty in both countries-China and India.
Brown skin bad, even darker skin even bad etc etc...We wear clothes that our colonial masters did across the world, you wont find people in china wearing Chinese clothes, same for India, african countries etc...everything from clothing, to beauty, to furniture, to houses everything indigenous was changed to a foreign ideal from our rulers. The same would have happened whoever whichever ethnicity had invaded the world...like i said above..
Now and thanks for reading whoever read till here and I hope a lot of people did-on to to the show...
There is this frequent refrain and accusation of oppression olympics that I read about when it comes to this show, in general online discourse and also this insanely disgusting article fat shaming Nicola Coughlan in The Spectator.
And i really really want to open up this conversation...cuz race gets discussed a lot on this sub and other bridgerton subs and therefore a perfect place to have that conversation...Do Non-POC really believe in the concept of oppression olympics and that all kinds of biases are equally treacherous to navigate?
So I was overweight in my teens...I had a close friend who was wheelchair bound. my life was hard and I was bullied but surely surely I do not think that my plight was the same as my friend in a wheelchair...In class 10th, a close friend's father passed away, the same year my grandmother passed away, surely, surely, I dont think we are experiencing the same pain the same setback to our life...Class 10th in India is akin to A levels in Britain and SAT in the USA..
You know why I didnt think any of this and why if I had i was wrong, because there is a hierarchy to opression, .to loss, to struggles. There simply is. Opression Olympics is rooted in reality.
Pain is pain, loss and bad foundations suck ass...but privilege is a thing and some pains some loads just lighter compared to others. I could lose weight and get over the oppression I was facing because of my weight in school. My wheelchair bound friend didnt have that option..I wouldnt get my grandmother back...but my fathers loss would have a more immediate affect on my life and my friend who lost her father and her loss was just simply deeper. She needed more support, more help, more people crowding around her saying you've got this Niharika..well make sure your life doesnt change permanently cuz youlve lost your dad.
So when show fandom compare Jonathon Baileys struggle to Rege Jean George or say Victor Ali, they are simply pointing out that yes while Jonathon Bailey is gay...there is a difference between being white and gay and being black and gay or simply harder being black. And therefore there is a hierarchy. Why POC are less loath to crticize the average acting of their POC faves because they know the opportunities for them are limited. Lets do an exercise name 5 shows led by a POC in the USA or Britain or Canada-any POC..brown, black i dont care. And im not talking about black or brown actors in a show or film, im talking leads...
Also biases are self perpetuating....When black or brown led films fail, the opportunities immediately dry up because it shows that its just fairness and the numbers dont lie..Except this is not maths.....Maths would be first making equal amount of shows starring black or brown people, and then comparing...Now if the end result is white led shows do better-that would be correct math...but ratios and comparisons and statistics need to first start with an even scale...thats not even me taking about diversity...thats just math formulas...
If lets say there are 500 actors who are white in hollywood and 200 who are Black in hollywood, and lets say all 200 black actors are shit...would you say the statement...god white actors are so much better than black actors...no cuz the maths is not adding up...you compared 500 actors who were white of which 300 were excellent 200 bad and you made that into the conclusion that white actors are better because you were comparing only with 200 black actors to begin with...the actual math formula yieled equal number of bad and good actors..
Why people defend Kanthony harder...or wanted Simone Ashley to be promoted as much as Polin is because (lets go with my Math analogy again) all things being the same) unless Nicola and Luke are really bad actors compared to Simone Ashley, theyll still have it easier in acting...they simply will. they wont have to change their confusingly, long foreign sounding name, they wont have to work at assimilation in other ways, lets say they were muslim they wouldnt have been trying hard to sell themselves as Im just as liberal as you, im not a threat. And I love Luke Newton and Nicola Coughland-both seem like throughly, likable, personable, kind hearted beans..
Now my own experience. I have stated in an earlier post on this sub that I'm a Shonda Rhimes fan...because I have personally benefitted from the diversity she has included so naturally, so elegantly in all her shows. My own ideas of beauty, have been tested and transformed. In fact I know exactly the moment it happened...watching Christina Yang as a 14 year old...and thinking god meredith is so beautiful and I want to see more of HER and Izzie but then seeing christina again and again and again over each episode over hundreds of hours of binging, school, college, masters, big move outside India, my own constant this show..my brain was soft mushy and impressionable and christina yang, korean Sandra Oh became suddenly but actually slowly and then all at once became beautiful to me...I dont know when it happened but like the book Colin telling Penelope I dont know when or how and why others dont see it but you ARE beautiful in the book carriage scene. I found her hot, I found her cool. I cared to learn more about her Korean mother and her Jewish father and it didnt matter that the show never covered that culture..Christina was atheist and could handle her shit..even around racists.. But I still wanted to learn more about HER..a woman I simply didnt think was beautiful comparable to meredith and Izzie..me an impressionable 14 year old..just made that turn because of a show.,..a fluffy...not that deep soapy as hell show.
But it was only possible cuz I saw 24 episodes day in day out,...over many many years....for that to happen. I had many more years of falling asleep to dawsons creek joey and dawson, joey and pacey, gilmore girls rory and jess rory and dean rory and logan..i imagined and dreamt of windswept Mr. Darcy...and of course I luckily had my own countrys pop culture cuz I grew up and lived in a country where I was repped plenty eveywhere... So i found bollwood heroes hot and I found White americans or british people hot...my brain simply didnt have a framework for East Asians hot. And I needed to seem them constantly and frequentlyn and in Hot front and center, desirable covetable-their culture, their families all respected, admired again and again and again over many years for that switch to happen.
So why do we fight for our POV faves.. fight hard (some fight really ugly too which....they are not my people ( as in I dont know them) so sorry for that)....because we know how much more repping they need...we know how much MORE MORE MORE important it is to see POC culture done right...because it simply is not accessible,...cannot be to people outside..
K POP is making waves super..., people love themselves some MANGA and kimchi...so good and progress...but a lot of countries pop culture is in the native tongue...people outside of it cannot access it...in the same way one would English language content-books, podcasts, news, films, shows etc etc. And hollywood does our culture wrong, played up for laughs, stinky curry, stinky indians, scamming Indians, uncivilized heathens, oh so funny that Sofia Vergara and her funny accent (The Ellen Show), niche shows that dont become popular behemoths because it stars all ethnic casts-Fresh Off the Boat.
You simply will not understand how brilliant and gorgeous my country's embroideries, temple art, clothing and fashion, actors and sculptors, museums and writing and authors are...not because YOU are racist..but because you dont speak-my language and my culture isnt dominant or wide spread enough-insert again-my above explanation of colonialism and dominant and suppressed cultures. History made one culture the most widespread...again not because white people, bad and racist...brown and black people good and not racist and benevolent..but they simply were the victors...for centuries...plural.
We want to fight harder for Rege and defend him leaving the show (im not even black but when you live outside of your home country, all POC seem like a united underrepresented group and you find kinship everywhere) because any potential cancellation or quote unquote unlikeability and hes difficult accusations would hurt him far far more than Nicola Coughlan, Luke Thompson, Newton, Phoebe etc. for the same crimes. And there just arent enough of us to begin with to lose even one. For what is quite honestly a mid Netflix show with seeds of promise but a lack of ambition.

Prequel (Parts 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie
First ¦ Previous ¦ Royal Road ¦ Patreon
When Kayla awoke, she found herself curled up on a couch in the Banshee’s infirmary. In the nearest bed, Thandi appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Across from her, Yak was hooked up to several scary looking tubes, but her vitals looked stable. Most of the rest of the beds were also filled. Another successful Valkyrie operation, Kayla thought, bitterly.
She didn’t remember the trip back from the planet. She did remember being told that nobody had found any sign of Rayker, and that memory kindled a little of the rage that never burned out. They had been through a nightmare for nothing.
“I wondered how long you would be asleep,” a voice said.
Kayla turned to see Christie sat on the end of her couch. Her friend seemed to be weighed down by sadness as she put aside the tablet she was typing on and smiled back at her.
“Wha— uh…” Kayla managed, as her stiff tongue flapped helplessly. She yawned and stretched.
“Twenty-three wounded in total,” Christie said. “Thandi will walk again in a week. Yak’s going to be in a coma for the next month. Fortunately, nothing struck her vital organs. And, by the way, one of the Raider squads was also involved in a friendly fire incident.”
Kayla focused on her, then looked away. “Jesus,” she said to herself. “God dammit.”
“Thandi wouldn’t like that,” Christie scolded. “Heathen.”
Kayla stood up and began to pace slowly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t believe I—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Christie said, “because you’ve been asleep for about ten hours. In the interim, I was able to speak with several Rangers about what happened. It was not your fault. Not entirely.”
Kayla shook her head. “Yes, it was. Oh, God, yes it was. I should have seen them, I should have had a stronger optic, I should have—”
“Corporal Rudaski misread her map. So did the leader of second squad. You were both actually in hall hotel-four. The base was constructed in a circular pattern of radially linked zones, orbiting a central facility. It’s a highly abstract layout that we have never seen before. Most Ranger battalions have spent the last several centuries clearing logical, grid-like layouts in ships and bunkers. Under fire, it is easy to see how confusion caused units to lose track of their positions as they advanced. Most of the platoons did, actually, at one point or another. And, in my opinion, we did not have anything like the troop numbers needed to comfortably secure that site. A consequence, no doubt, of Valkyrie’s failure to prepare and train for large scale deployments, for which there has been no requirement in at least a millennia, so they tell me.”
Kayla turned to her with a puzzled expression. “You figured all that out already?”
“I’m drafting a report on the matter. I can’t sleep, you see, because the flaws of this operation stem entirely from the task force’s desire to follow Rayker until she discovered the tracker. We found it in the central command chamber. It was sealed in a wrapping of fat and muscle tissue, which she obviously cut out of herself hours before the tamper alarm sensed the toxins of cell decay. She left it there for us to find. To taunt us, no doubt.”
Christie yawned deeply, stood up and brushed her sweater off. “Do you see, Kayla, that the intelligence team were making decisions based off of my actions on Ambrosia, when I planted that device?” She smiled bitterly. “And I had the arrogance to think I was outwitting the woman. So, in a way, it’s my fault.”
Kayla swallowed and slowly shook her head. Then she grabbed her friend and held her in a tight hug. “War sucks,” she said. “Everything about it is awful.”
“I agree. Nevertheless, we are drawn to it, like moths to a flame perhaps?”
Kayla released her and collapsed into the couch. “When I slept, I had a dream. I was in Plato’s cave, but I got free. Outside there was a dragon, burning everything in sight. The world was covered in ash, and the puppets casting shadows were dead bodies,” She wiped moisture out of her eye. “He said, ‘come out and play, little girl’.”
Christie nodded. “We were lucky nobody was killed today. Rayker will certainly cost us more blood before we manage to catch her. She could have set up a much stronger defense than a battalion of light combat drones, but she didn’t.”
Kayla reached into her pocket and found her necklace. She placed it over her head and ran a thumb over the engraved name.
She looked back at Christie. “Why not?”
“The freighter the Sirène caught was carrying several large combat walkers, produced by that plant. A deep space survey revealed that a second freighter had jumped away earlier. No doubt Rayker’s escape—she seems to have plotted a course opposite the star from where we stopped at the minefield. There seems to be no question that she had the main force of those machines with her.”
“Any idea where they went?”
Christie turned away to retrieve her tablet. “Not yet, unfortunately.”
“May the saints have mercy,” said a voice, “if a shot up woman cannot get a wink of sleep with all the talking in here.”
Kayla whirled around to see Thandi, sitting up in her bed. She darted over and grabbed her into a bearhug.
“I’m really sorry I got you shot,” she said.
“Yeah,” Thandi said looking pleased with herself. “And to apologize, you’ll be fetching me chocolate cake from the mess until I get out of here.” She lowered her voice. “Seriously though, Kayla, I need you. The food is terrible.”
Kayla chuckled. “You can count on me.”
“How are you feeling, wonder woman?”
“Oh, uh… not that wonderful to be honest.”
“Leaping tall structures in a single bound?” Thandi grinned admiringly at her. “You had a bit of a superhero moment.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I tore half the muscles in my body. It was definitely not awesome.”
“Sure looked like it. I don’t even know how you do stuff like that. The Lord moved you.”
Christie cleared her throat and gave Thandi a significant look.
Thandi rolled her eyes. “It’s a compliment—I’m not diminishing what you did.”
Kayla returned her cheerful gaze with a flat expression. She had felt like everyone she cared about was about to die. Like her soul had been lit on fire, and the only way to put it out had been to move like a lightning bolt. It was not something she ever wanted to experience again.
“I was on probation for the incident on Ambrosia,” she reminded Thandi. “I will definitely be dropped back to private from now on.”
“Oh,” Thandi’s sparkling eyes darkened. “Well, that sucks. I hope they don’t. You straight up saved us all from an ambush at the start of that firefight. And the illume drone—you made lots of good calls down there.”
Kayla shook her head. “I shouldn’t be a team leader. I keep losing control. I can’t let… I don’t respond well when any of you are in danger.”
Thandi grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. “What happens to us is not up to you, my dear. It’s in God’s hands alone.”
Kayla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure if she could accept that.
“How’s the pain?” Christie asked.
“Oh,” Thandi said and waved her hand. “Nothing too severe. I think of how Rose would be responding, and I know I can handle anything.”
Christie nodded silently.
“She speaks to me, in my dreams. She tells me how proud she is of us.” Thandi glanced at Kayla. “She says you are a true leader.”
Kayla turned away, unable to keep her eyes from tearing up.
“Will you be up in time for the merger?” Christie asked.
“On crutches maybe,” Thandi said. “But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t imagine anything more glorious.”
“What’s that?” Kayla asked before slowly turning back.
“The Banshee is returning to Tyr,” Christie explained. “On the way back, we have been tasked with collecting a probe that was observing a binary star merger. We will have the opportunity to observe the event live.”
“Whatever,” Kayla said with an eye roll. She was a little offended that their task force had been assigned a science project after what had happened. “Nerd stuff, right?”
Christie laughed, and met Thandi’s eyes with a smirk. “If you say so.”
Thandi shifted against her pillows. “How is the mood of the ship?” she said to Christie. “Are people still angry?”
“What do you mean?” Kayla cut in.
Thandi glanced back and forth between them. “You didn’t tell her?”
Christie waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, but with all that’s happening I didn’t think it pertinent. Why add to our already substantial burdens?”
“What’s going on?” Kayla demanded, and felt her hair stand on end.
Christie smiled tightly. “ODT Four seized the freighter and searched it thoroughly. No evidence of Rayker, as I said.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, they found a false compartment in one of the holds. And there were a pair of young teenagers inside. A boy and a girl.”
“In rags, and chained up,” Thandi added.
Kayla realized her jaw had clenched. She felt her skin crawl with a new kind of horror. “Oh my God,” she said, then glanced at Thandi. “Sorry.”
“In this case you get a dispensation.”
“Obviously,” Christie continued, “the pour souls will be returned to their families. A terrible situation.”
Kayla’s mind buzzed with questions. “What is—uh… where was it from? The ship?”
“Intaba,” Thandi said sullenly. “A VennZech registered vessel. Justice cannot come swiftly enough for the demon scum who perpetrated this evil on my homeworld…” she frowned as she lost her words, and clenched her fists together.
“Do you think Valkyrie will start interdicting their ships?” Kayla asked.
“No,” Christie said. “Hence the angry mood. It is a problem the organization has faced since humanity took to the stars. The chieftains have resolutely refused to address it. Our mission statement is to protect humanity, not interfere with their conduct. Frankly I have to agree with them, though I appear to be in the minority.”
Kayla stared at her incredulously. “But that’s bullshit,” she said. “How can you be okay with letting something like that go?”
Christie arched an eyebrow. “A secret army of super soldiers, with access to civilization destroying technology, and who answer—as far as we know—to nobody but themselves? The very thought of interfering gives me an existential crisis. However tragic the situation, it seems obvious that we must maintain our distance.”
Kayla shook her head. She already felt hot anger driving her to act. How could such monsters be allowed to walk freely in a just galaxy?
“All that it takes for evil to succeed—” Thandi began.
“Please can we not continue this conversation?” Christie snapped. “I’ve had enough of being insulted by some of my colleagues. I don’t want it from my friends too.”
Kayla exchanged looks with Thandi, but she owed her best friend the space she wanted.
“I promise, I won’t bring it up again, Chris,” she said.
***
Kayla ate in the ship’s mess then returned to her bunk, where the rest of the squad were waiting. They were talking in somber tones, but fell silent when she approached.
Kes stood up and beckoned to her. “Platoon ready room, this way.”
Once shut away in privacy, Kes sat her down and they retraced every event that had occurred inside the base. Every decision was picked apart minutely, with no judgement or grievance allowed.
“I needed us to go through this as soon as possible,” she explained. “This will sit with you for the rest of your life. We all made mistakes, but nobody should feel incriminated. I have been through five blue on blue incidents. This shit just happens, and I guarantee it will happen to you again in the future.”
Kayla felt a little relief as she spoke with her squad leader and found that she was neither alone, nor justified in hating herself. They had been moving quickly through a confusing environment, making a deadly situation much more likely.
“One last thing, though,” Kes added somberly. “Private Voigt from second squad fired the burst that hit Yak and Thandi. She is being removed from the battalion. By her own account, she returned Yak’s fire without any kind of communication with her team leader, or any attempt to check the position of friendlies. That was a major SOP violation when she knew they were expecting to move in our direction.”
Kayla absorbed this with shock. She couldn’t argue with it; after all, what good was a Ranger who couldn’t do her job? And didn’t that mean that the same punishment should apply to her?
She cleared her throat. Terror gnawed at her insides as Kes stared at her expectantly.
“I lost control again,” Kayla said.
“Yup,” Kes said, and rubbed her eyes with obvious frustration. “And this time, your actions swiftly ended a dangerous firefight following a terrible accident. Yak got immediate medical attention because of that. On the other hand, you put yourself in a position to be killed or wounded where no-one could help you.”
There was a long pause while the corporal appeared to search a distant horizon. “You don’t need a lecture, and Akane can’t make a decision on you. Yak was my next choice for Lance Corporal, but she’s out of action, along with a bunch of others. Together with this Rayker shitshow, it is not the time to be shuffling people around.”
Kayla’s brow furrowed “What about Ray?”
“Oh,” Kes ran a hand through her hair. “Every time I’ve offered it, she’s refused. Anyway, we’ve already been told by Captain Aguilar to expect a new private out of Ranger school once we return to Tyr.”
“Yes, Corporal,” Kayla said, unsure what to think about the decision.
“I’ve seen you make good decisions in the field. But I will push to replace you when the opportunity comes up again.” Kes narrowed her eyes. “Unless you can show me I’m wrong before that happens.”
Kayla left the room with her head spinning. She was keeping her job, even though she obviously didn’t have what it took to lead Rangers in combat.
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Prequel (Parts 1 to 16)
1. Rise of a Valkyrie

I have so far been up all night as I can’t fall asleep for nothing. I have been stressing so much lately and there is nothing that can ease the stress.. on top of the thoughts of what can happen to the baby long term medical wise from all this stress. It’s honestly so much eating away at me and I just don’t know what to do with these thoughts. I am going to just write away everything that’s been eating away at me.. that is why this is going to be very long as it’s been a lot so far… I got off birth control in December as life was going amazing and it was giving me awful migraines as I was rearing my third year being on nexplanon. I knew that there could be a possibility of getting pregnant and honestly with how life was going the thought of potentially getting our boy as we have two girls right now was really exciting me. I have been working from home and recently got a huge raise and things were looking great. A month after getting off the birth control I started feeling weird, that intuition feeling came. Shortly after, my job that I had been with for almost 3 years randomly lays off a lot of employees including me with no notice or anything. I thought it would be a long term job but they eventually grew financial issues. Of course I didn’t want to abort this baby just because my job laid me off. I am a very independent person so of course I would do anything to make sure me and mine are straight. I start back doordashing full time from 9 am to 9 pm and I stay an hour from the nearest city so the stress of wear and tear on my car has always scared me but you gotta do what you gotta do as a parent. Of course they say I’m eligible for unemployment and I’ve tried endless times to file for it and they always denied me due to work searches as I wasn’t applying to the right places when I was applying EVERYWHERE. No matter what I put. Every week would get denied cause of this and the phone number is impossible to reach someone. So I’ve given up on unemployment. We lived off of our tax return plus DoorDashing which I really wanted to save this money. The work search has been so stressful. I got a seasonal job and did amazing at it working up to 18 hours overtime one day but they over hired people so there was way to many people to consider hiring everyone full time so once it ended less then a month of working there that was it. Until I got a call from my dream job which my mom and my bf mom both work there and it pays way higher then what I’ve made on top of providing a hybrid schedule too. I felt it was a stretch applying but my resume looked really good so I went for it. I got an interview with them and the interviewer loved me and said he felt really confident in me and would like to offer me the position. Of course I’m overly excited cause this is my dream job. After filling out the onboarding and going to scheduled onboarding appointments they state there was only one issue stopping my onboarding which was a previous account with them that had restrictions on it that I was not aware of. I trusted the wrong “friends” back in high school 7 YEARS AGO with my personal information not knowing any better and they did fraud with my information and of course it fell back on me. I even paid back every owed penny from the fraud to clear my name to move on from that mistake. They never told me they also proceeded to put restrictions cause of it. So my onboarding was put on hold until I handled the restrictions. Fast forward a month later of struggling making ends meet. We have no more income tax money.. but at least I finally receive a response saying the restrictions would be removed. So finally we receive great news. I let the people know and they proceed to let me know that someone will reach out to me in 5-7 days and it has now surpassed that time frame with no response and I am just so scared that they won’t follow through.. It is now June and I have been struggling to get a full time job since February and I am holding onto the little ounce of hope that this job will follow through like they said… Holding onto that ounce of hope as doordash grew very stressful I decided to pull all of my retirement out from my previous job to put into savings in case we need it for an emergency especially if the car were to go out on us. on top of our apartment lease renewal coming up. We did NOT want to renew the lease because this apartment has treated us HORRIBLY since we moved in. We came from a clean bug free apartment due to the rent randomly increasing twice since we moved in it and moved 30 minutes to be closer to my OLD job and his family. We moved into this apartment because I had a work friend refer it to me saying it was her first apartment and she fell in love with it. Not knowing we were going to get the worst apartment building probably out of the whole complex. Since we moved in we could not look at the apartment until after the lease was signed and given the keys. We moved ONE box into the place and came back days later to move the rest of our stuff. We moved that box and SO MANY roaches scattered from it and we knew instantly we got played and that now all of our things were going to be roach infested now. Fast forward almost a whole year later we have tried endless methods to get rid of them such as boric acid, orthene, endless traps, endless raid bottles, ONTOP of the apartment buildings monthly pest control coming in doing whatever they do and WE STILL HAVE THEM. No matter what we do they are not leaving as I believe even tho we try different methods it won’t matter if everyone else in the building aren’t trying to get rid of them. They are probably being constantly rotated between the other apartments around us so it’s useless. I DO NOT WANT TO BRING MY NEW BORN BABY INTO THIS APARTMENT. On top of all the plugs in the walls has blown in the living room. I let the landlord know about this and they sent there only technician to check it out and they didn’t know what they were doing. They switched the power surge switches on and off and it fixed the plugs but they proceeded to go back out the next day. We haven’t even been there a year and the refrigerator has been tearing up like crazy. The whole bottom of it has ripped off cause apparently the adhesive is so strong when closing and opening that it slowly tore its own frame off. We had to use gorilla glue to glue it back on and it’s so far worked. On top of the rims around the door got so many rips in it. The door holders on the fridge can’t hold anything heavy or else the whole shelf falls off same as the door handles on the freezer so we have to carefully move things around it and put only certain things in those spots or else it’s all going to the floor. The first red flag of the apartment is there are no washer and dryer hook ups and that is honestly the least of our problems with this place.. the bolts on the dish washer are so tiny and unscrewed with time and randomly the whole dish washer completely fell down from being poorly connected to the counter. Whenever you open it to put dishes in you have to hold the racks or else the whole dish washer will fall forward and they will roll out with all the dishes in it. I’m so over this place and we have BEEN ready to move out. So once the 30 days came up I contacted the landlord about the 30 day notice that we were going to move out before the lease renewed. She proceeded to tell me with no emotion that they required a 60 DAY notice in advance prior to our lease end date and that our lease already renewed for another YEAR. She didn’t even try to help us out and did not provide any kind of notice or reminding about the 60 day notice. She just kept repeating that we signed the lease and it is written in the lease. She said if we move out we will be responsible to pay the months rent for each upcoming month until a new tenant moves in and takes over the lease which is very unlikely as they have full control on whether they want to move someone new in or continue to bill us the monthly rent.. So now we are trying to figure out how we are going to work out this New obstacle/road block and I am already halfway through my pregnancy. All of this stress has been eating me alive for the whole beginning of my pregnancy and it ALL came out of the blue. This is not how I pictured being pregnant with my third baby and I feel completely miserable right now. I am struggling doordashing all day just waiting for any kind of good news. We are thinking about ditching this apartment and going to stay with my mom until we find a full time job to afford a new apartment as we just want to start the process of this landlord potentially searching for a new tenant to take this burden off of us. We do not wish to pay two apartment rents as my credit is amazing and I know if they put any of this apartments owed rent when we move out on my collections it will ruin my credit.. we have been growing it for when we are ready to get our first home. So I know not paying it is not an option for me. I’ve just been wishing this ongoing nightmare will finally come to an end and I can finally receive any kind of good news. I was sooo excited about this pregnancy but now I have zero excitement for it as I have been through endless stressing and roadblocks the whole pregnancy so far. I am afraid that this stress and pain will affect the baby long term.. I do not wish to bring this baby into this apartment as I fully wish to be in a new upgraded apartment bug free when the baby comes in October my birthday month.. It’s just super hard holding onto any kind of motivation right now and the pain is slowly eating me up inside.. I just really needed to get all of this off of my chest and hopefully maybe I can finally get some sleep right now. If you read all of this.. thank you for listening and all I can really say is check on your people cause you never know what they could be going through as life can hit so random at times..