Planet Roksan (Rock-Sand), southern hemisphere. Terminal flatlands outpost, CODE NAME: E.N.D. Bodies of both man and machine lay on the shattered ground covered in blood and metal debris. Soldiers in armor fighting robotic drones that looked almost identical if not for the all-black metal coating separating them from the multi-colored armor the soldiers wore. The fighting was intense; streaks of energy bolts flew through the air, striking whatever was in the way: man, machine, rock, it didn't matter. Anything that that those weapons hit was destroyed. Seismic eruptions rippled the ground underneath them like water; decimating the nearby base and anyone caught off guard. Aircrafts flew over the battle dropping bombs onto unsuspecting victims; long-range artillery units fired massive rounds of high explosive ordinance from the horizon; not caring where they landed so long as they hit something. The scene was nothing short of absolute chaos. Like a ghost on the battlefield, one man stood in the middle of it all. He wore a white jumpsuit with a black strip down the middle and stitched on his right pocket was his name; Mike Oliver. Unable to move his feet, he looked around at the never-ending carnage that surrounded him. Like being in the eye of the storm, nothing around could disturb him. Bombs fell, and air blasted past him without displacing his white hair or stinging his blue eyes. Like a ghost, Mike went unnoticed, intangible to the hazardous environment that threatened everything else. Mike took in the battle without shock, fighting wasn't new to him. It was part of his life, but what he saw was madness. He was confused. Why was everyone fighting? What's the purpose of it all? What was waiting for the victor, should there ever be one? Mike felt he would never know the outcome, but at the same time, he didn't care. As he was looking around, he saw something in the distance to the south: a group of soldiers breaking through the entire battlefield like a stampede, heading straight for him. Mike tried to move out of the way, but he couldn't. His legs were stone like they were from the ground itself, but he struggled regardless. He tried and tried as the group charged towards him. Mike braced himself for the impact, but it never came, they passed right through him and continued running until they were at the cliff's edge and they jumped off without hesitation. Mike was becoming more confused by the minute, but the battle did not stop. The drones and soldiers were unaware that the group had jumped, as they were distracted by the fight. Something started to fill the air, a smell like salt from the ocean. Nobody else noticed because everyone had a helmet on. Everyone except for Mike. Mike looked out beyond the battle to find water stretching out to the horizon, then it was gone. A metal wall rose from the cliffside, kilometers long. Mike could barely see the ends from where he stood. The wall continued to rise until it was four kilometers high; it had giant white lettering in the middle. Mike had to pan his head from left to right to read it all: RAGNAROK. Then he realized what it was. It was a ship. The biggest one ever, maybe the biggest anyone has seen. Water dripped off the sides like rain as it finally started to clear the water. The sound of a thousand thunderclaps covered the land as dozens of massive thrusters on the bottom lifted the impossibly big ship into the sky. Mike noticed something was wrong; it was quiet. He looked around and saw everyone standing still; the battle had stopped entirely. Everyone was looking up, and nobody cared who stood next to them. Something caught Mike's eye; parts began to move along the sides, all-over light began to form. They were weapons. Red, green, and blue lights grew brighter as the weapons powered up, but nobody moved because they were mesmerized. Aircraft from the mountains to the south began to intercept the RAGNAROK, the artillery fired their rounds towards the ship, but it was futile. The RAGNAROK fired its weapons and blasted the three dozen fighter jets out of the sky with one swipe of a sustained red laser. Another gun fired a series of green plasma bolts, and Mike watched them soar and sear towards the artillery on the horizon like falling stars. He saw the green flames from where he stood kilometers away from the blast site. The last weapon fired and sent dozens of blue lightning bolts down onto the battlefield, vaporizing random targets both man and machine. Everyone tried to move out of the way but it did more harm than good. The weapons continued to fire, and then just as soon as it started, it was over, everything stopped, and there was a moment of silence. The guns ceased fire, and the soldiers stopped their shambling. Then there was a roaring, booming sound that caught everyone's attention, they tracked the source, and it was the ship. A massive fireball began to disintegrate the hull from the center, and it grew more significant by the second. Nobody stuck around for what was coming. "All units fall back to the minimum safe zone now!”, one soldier cried out. Everyone obeyed and sprinted out of the area so fast they were gone in a blink of an eye. Even the drones ran away, all in different directions. All that was left was Mike, who was powerless to move. All he could do is watch as his death was coming to him. The fireball consumed the RAGNAROK from bow to stern, and it was still expanding like a star was growing right in front of him. Mike wasn't ready to die, not like this. The fireball was bearing down on him, vaporizing seawater, burning rock, and thinning the air. It was just within reaching distance that he gave in; he was ready. He closed his eyes and felt the heat pass over him, and then everything went cold, dark, and quiet.

And then he woke up.

Hi everyone,
My family and I have been living to this property owned by NHA for 18 years now. At first, we were renting this place from the 2nd owner, then we finally bought this property from the 2nd owner for 200k pesos 10 years ago. However, we only have the rights for this property, the title was not transferred to my parents since the first owner is not allowed to sell this property to anyone.
Moving on, we received a letter that the 1st owner or the 2nd owner haven't paid his balance and the total balance is around 600k+ pesos. My parents were only able to pay 1000 pesos every month inconsistently for the past few years to NHA (the receipt is named to the 1st owner), there were times that my parents were not able to pay because of financial issues that's why the current balance went up and due to interest as well.
We also tried contacting the first owner so that he can help us transferring the title to us while we try to pay the balance monthly, however we found out that he died already. This year, we already got two notices from NHA and I am afraid that we might get kick out of this place, we have been here for almost 20 years now.
My questions are

• Can NHA kick us out here since we haven't paid the 1st owner balance?
• Is it still possible to transfer the name to us if we pay the full balance amount?

Am I the Arsehole? My closest friend (we've known each other for 18 years) and my business partner (for 7 years) recently had a new their first baby (he's a single Dad via surrogate). I wasn't able to be with him during the birth as in took place in another country so we've been texting a lot. The baby was born 4 weeks ago.
During a text conversation a few days ago, I accidentally misspelled his son's name as "Jessie" instead of "Jesse". So I accidentally added an "i" to the name while busily writing out a message about him possibly being underweight because he was premature, I said, "Is Jessie gaining weight fast enough?". My friend replied "it's Jesse friend-who-should-really-know-that". Now, not having registered that I had misspelled the name, I took this to mean that I should know about newborns WEIGHT in general. I was confused, I didn't this was obvious knowledge. So not realising that he was referring to the spelling, I made the mistake again a second time a minute later. He corrected me again and I apologised and said it was a simple mistake. He said he didn't care, it's his son's name. Since then I have consciously spelled the name correctly every time.
My friend was very offended by the misspelling. For the last day, we've been having a fight about this - probably 40 long text messages. I've apologised a couple of times. I've told him that it's ridiculous to be punishing me with this argument for the mistake, and that he needs to have more understanding. He's said that I should know the spelling (even though we've never talked about how Jessie/e can be spellied several ways until now, I guess he expected me to realise). He's said that I haven't taken enough responsibility and acknowledged how the misspelling made him feel. I've told him to chill out, that this is petty and that he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion. I haven't made the mistake since. He's moved between calling it a misspelling and that it wasn't a mistake, that I entirely "forgot" his son's name. He recently said "a mistake would be calling him Jessr or Jessw because those letters are near the letter e. But you actually spelt out the whole spelling of the alternative name (Jessie) which means you actually thought that was his name."
I've felt shitty for 24 hours because it was an unconscious mistake I made that I'm now being vindicated for. I've apologised twice but he wants more - to acknowledge how I made him feel and acknowledge that is much worse than how I see it. I just think that's way too much for what happened. As his closest fiend for 18 years, who has made a baby gift, is single-handedly running his business while he's away and has been checking in almost daily (apparently not enough though), I thought he might be a bit more understanding.
Honestly, am I the arsehole for misspelling the name?

 The next April, at Shiloh, Clem's drum was smashed by an artillery round and he became a minor news item as "Johnny Shiloh, The Smallest Drummer". A year later, at the Battle Of Chickamauga, he rode an artillery caisson to the front and wielded a musket trimmed to his size. In one of the Union retreats a Confederate officer ran after the cannon Clem rode with, and yelled, "Surrender you damned little Yankee!" Johnny shot him dead. This pluck won for Clem national attention and the name "Drummer Boy of Chickamauga." Clem stayed with the Army through the war, served as a courier, and was wounded twice. Between Shiloh and Chickamauga he was regularly enrolled in the service, began receiving his own pay, and was soon-after promoted to the rank of Sergeant. He was only 12 years old. After the Civil War he tried to enter West Point but was turned down because of his slim education. A personal appeal to President Ulysses S. Grant, his commanding general at Shiloh, won him a 2nd Lieutenant's appointment in the Regular Army on 18 December 1871, and in 1903 he attained the rank of Colonel and served as Assistant Quartermaster General. He retired from the Army as a Major General in 1916, having served an astounding 55 years. General Clem died in San Antonio, Texas on 13 May 1937, exactly 3 months shy of his 86th birthday, and is buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

I never thought I’d see myself writing on this forum or at least I hope I wouldn’t have to. My name is Miriam Jackson and I’m looking for a friend. Her name is Jocelyn Willard and I haven’t received anything from her for over a month.
Jocelyn went to Jonesborough, Tennessee for an investigative story on Reverend Somber.
I have only 6 files she sent me while on this trip, as I sometimes help her with editing and filing notes. Hopefully, they can help give the person who’s reading this the information necessary to help find her.
Jocelyn is a freelance journalist, who delved into journalism as she sees it as “the beacon of truth” Her newest fixation was televangelism. I know… I know in this day and age who's watching cable but that to Jocelyn is what made it more interesting.
Especially when she stumbled across Reverend Somber, unlike his name Reverend Sombers is charismatic ( as most in televangelism are) and speaks with such a feverish devotion you’d think you’re hearing the voice of God speak through him. He can often be found preaching on CTN at around 2 A.M. In his words `` Jesus had not come to talk to the righteous but to those who know they are sinners, and at this time sweetheart only sinners are watching.”
What caused Jocylen to want to investigate Somber’s I don’t know.

File#1: Gas Station _Towns People_Sombers Letter.Doc

I’m about a little less than a mile out on the outskirts of Jonesborough. I make a stop at the only gas station I’ve seen since leaving Route 321 about 30 minutes ago.
As I get out of my car I take in the sun something I don’t get enough of in Seattle. The gas station still has the reminiscence of different decades passed; with its paint chipped around the brick exposing its rustic hues and the sign tilted “Whitmens Gas Station Est.1910”.
I open the door causing a bell to ring,
“Hello, what can I help you with today darlin’,” said the lady behind the counter. She seemed about 60 years old her hair not yet fully gray and her face showing the emotions she’s worn over the years.
“ Hi, I just want to fill up my tank, I’m parked at pump 1,” I said.
“Well alright, what got you coming to these parts?”
“Oh, I’m writing on Reverend Sombers I’m supposed to go follow him as he goes live tonight for CTN”
“Ain’t that a treat, I swear when I hear him preach on Sundays it’s like the Lord is speaking through him,” she said in such a way you’d think she’d seen Heaven in that man's eyes.
“Well isn’t that something…How long has he been preaching for?” I ask as I pick at the hangnail on my finger. The admiration she had for the Reverend made me uneasy but I’d figured she’d know some background on him. Oddly she didn’t.
“Oh, He came around 3 years ago, it seemed like he just popped up at the church now that I think about it, The town was nothing like the peace it is now, Sombers brought this town into prosperity I tell ya.”Her brows furrowed as though she just realized something.
“I almost forgot to tell Earl to put the gas in ya car, go wait out there I’ll go tell him.”
Taking this as my queue that the interview is over I walk over to my car and wait inside for the man to arrive. A tap on my passenger-side window snaps me out of my daydreaming.
“I filled your gas up, Ruth told me you’ve been askin bout Reverend Sombers said you’d be writin on him.” Earl said.
“Yeah, do you have anything you’d like to share?” I shift in my seat as I take in Earl. He seems a bit younger than Ruth, his hands caked with oil stains and his shirt spotting the same look. A small towel lays on his shoulder. He leans into my passenger-side window before he answers
“I ain’t too fond of him don’t tell Ruth now she’d be madder than a wet hen I tell ya.” he coughs and laughs
“What are you not fond of?” Interested in figuring out what Earl knows that Ruth doesn’t
“I don’t speak too much on him don’t want him comin round here, you best be goin now ya tank is full. Have a good stay now ma’am” He smiled his teeth showing a testament to years of tobacco use.
I smile meekly back and wave bye as I head into town. Left with more questions I know I’ve not made a dumb decision by investigating Somber.
The town is picturesque many of it still having the structures from the 1800s it’s the oldest town in Tennessee after all. As I drive through town I take in the families walking and neighbors saying hi to each other. Almost too cookie-cutter.
I parked my car in front of Jonesborough Bed and Breakfast a quaint Victorian-era cottage. The overgrown bushes cover the majority of the white picket fence. A homey cottage and a hot meal sounds great right about now. I enter and am warmly greeted by the B&B owner.
“Hi, I’m Mary-Ann you must be Jocylen only person we have booked to stay for so long.”
“Yes, that would be me. I’m wondering if you could recommend a place for lunch. I'm quite hungry.” I put a hand to my stomach. I should've grabbed a snack at the gas station I thought.
“There’s the local diner just up the street, Your room is the first door on the right upstairs. It’s the Reverend's favorite. He thought you’d like it… that reminds me Reverend Somber will be having dinner with you today and said he’d want to speak with ya before you go follow him around. He left a lil welcome basket for ya upstairs,” she said
I thanked her then made my way to my room wondering what he’d left for me.
The room has a king-sized canopy bed in the middle with a white- Linen curtain draped on top. Stands out from the rest of the room, The canopy is supported by twisted columns and the back wall of the bed is structured architecturally containing a niche with a shell decoration and four more smaller twisted columns surrounded by leaf decorations. The deep walnut wood of the bed is a contrast to the faded yellow stained floral wallpaper and average closet in the corner of the room. The bed was foreign to this room, I just knew it.
I look at the welcome basket on the bed filled with fruit, wine, a letter, and oddly finger cots. The letter stated the following
Dear, Miss Willard
Thank you for your interest in my humble serving of the lord. I’d like to take ya to dinner at The Black Olive to better acquaint ourselves before you shadow me today. I hope the finger cots give you rest from your constant finger picking what a painful nervous tick to have for the past 20 years. Grace and peace to you in the name of Jesus Christ.
Sincerely,
Reverend Somber
I felt the sweat dripping from the back of my neck and my hands shaking as I folded the letter back up. All I can think is
who the fuck is Reverand Sombers.

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.

Hello, thank you for checking out my post. I am Open to Offers, please let me know if you are interested in anything and would like a timestamp. I will happily send them to you ASAP. Also open to bundles.
I also have over 80+ confirmed trades on hardwareswap
Switch Lite (Yellow) + Carrying Case, Animal Crossing Skin Case, Charger - $105 shipped
Wavebird Gamecube Controller + Receiver - $80 shipped
3DS/DS
Paper Mario Sticker Star (CIB) - $16 shipped Monster Hunter Generations (Game Only) $8 shipped Guitar Hero: On Tour (Box, Game, Guitar Grip, Manuals, some stickers) - $25 shipped
GameCube
Donkey Konga 2 (CIB) - $23 shipped Bomberman Generations (Game + Case) - $20 shipped Call of Duty: Finest Hour (CIB) - $10 shipped
Xbox One / Series
Battlefield 2042 - $7 shipped Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga - $12 shipped Skate 3 - $6 shipped Battlefield 1 - $6 shipped Killing Floor 2 - $15 shipped Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz HD $7 shipped Star Ocean: The Divine Force (Game Only) $15 shipped The Surge 2 Limited Edition $9 shipped Need For Speed $7 shipped Code Vein - $8 shipped Final Fantasy XV - $9 shipped
Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands - $7 shipped
Original Xbox
Destroy All Humans! (CIB) - $12 shipped
PlayStation 1
Twisted Metal 4 (CIB) $25 shipped Mission Impossible (CIB) $13 shipped
PSP
Lemmings (CIB) $9 shipped

Hey everyone, alot of upheaval in my life this year, could I ask for a reading?
Born 05/12/1990
Life path 9
Are we allowed to give out names?
Thanks for your time

For context, I (15-16F) was in a relationship for all of 7 months with Joey (18M). We met in high school and shared friends. Our families also enjoyed the same hobbies, more specifically Karaoke. His dad ran karaoke on the weekends and we were often there, especially when we were dating.
I ended up breaking up with him, not because he’s a bad guy, but because we’d fought many times on the same things and i kept getting the “I’ll change” speech. Anyway this isn’t the point. After we’d broken up he’d come by my house and left me a letter. Months had passed and I’d heard from friends that he and his friends were spreading rumors about me.
Here’s where my question comes in. It’s been 3.5 years since we’ve broken up. I’ve (19F) been in a relationship since, but now I am single. I hadn’t really been back to karaoke because i felt like it would be awkward, but years had passed so i went one weekend with my mom and sister. Well come to find out, Joey(21M) now runs karaoke. We were civil, having basic conversation. Joey pulls me aside and says he wants to talk to me, so i step aside and wait. He apologizes for everything before and after our breakup. He tells me that he’s been working on himself and “working on what we talked about.” I told him I was glad he’s working on himself and that I forgive him. I was hoping to leave the conversation there. But he wants to be friends.
Weeks later my mom and sister go back out to karaoke, without me I had to work, and they come back and tell me how he kept talking to them and being nice. I expressed that I didn’t really want to hear about him and they said I was being rude. My perspective is that it’s been years since this relationship, I was a different person at 16 than I am right now. I want to leave this part of my life behind and I feel like that’s not being respected. He followed me on social media, I didn’t bring it up and I didn’t follow him back. He’s always the first to view my stories…Am i reading too much into it? He was very clingy in our relationship and I don’t want to give this appearance of hope that we can somehow reform a relationship.
I don’t believe i’ve been rude to him by any means, but do I have to go out of my way to acknowledge him when he comes up to me? My mom and sister seem to think i’m being ridiculous about the whole situation. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: I recently ran into to my ex-boyfriend from nearly 4 years ago. He apologized for hell that he caused me during and after our relationship and wants to try being friends. My mom is encouraging it, saying that he’s nice and she respects him for apologizing. I feel like that’s a part of my life I said goodbye to a long time ago, and I don’t want to be friends. Mom and my sister think I’m being rude for not. Am I the jerk?
Note: Fake Name and please comment if anything needs clearing up.

I'm on Windows 10 Pro 22H2 19045.4412.
Ever since I'm not sure maybe December or January or so, my computer takes awhile to get to the lock screen. The post is fast, but specifically its just after windows starts up it just displays a black screen for awhile and then the lock screen pops up.
Looking at the event log, the only thing in question I can see regarding a time gap is the following:

Log Name: System
Source: TPM
Date: 5/20/2024 11:48:06
Event ID: 18
Description:
This event triggers the Trusted Platform Module (TPM) provisioning/status check to run.

Log Name: System
Source: Microsoft-Windows-TPM-WMI
Date: 5/20/2024 11:48:39
Event ID: 1282
Description:
The TBS device identifier has been generated.

Is it possible TPM is causing my windows startup to be slow? Is this just expected? Was there an update around 6 months ago that suddenly force enabled this feature on windows 10?
I believe the TPM my system uses is the one from the CPU called AMD FTPM.
I have an AMD 5800x3D CPU and the Asrock x570 Taichi motherboard.

Last repost of this as I want everyone to have plenty of time to finish their art
These art contests will be held monthly. This one is a kinda like a trial run for me to see if any rules need changed, or anything else.
A note: I will be entirely responsible for handling entries and keeping track of people, but me and a group of my friends will be working together to judge and choose winners. We are focusing on creativity and a display of effort rather than the ability or quality of an art piece.
AJPW MAY ART CONTEST INFO
------------------------------THEME--------------------------- THE THEME FOR THIS CONTEST IS.... FLOWERS.
Requirement: some sort of flower MUST be present somewhere in your artwork.
Your drawing can be dark and gloomy with pitch black roses... or it can be a puppy playing in a field of flowers in the sunlight! Go crazy! Be creative!
-----------------------------PRIZES-----------------------------
FIRST PLACE: 500 SAPS
SECOND PLACE: 300 SAPS
THIRD PLACE: 200 SAPS
All people, upon submission of their art piece, will be entered into a masterpiece token giveaway! Winners of the giveaway will be chosen randomly, through usage of a wheel or similar method.
------------------------------RULES-----------------------------
RULE 1: You may choose what program you use to create your artwork with. If you use a program other than AJ's art program, you will be required to submit progress pictures along with your entry.
RULE 2: If your artwork is found to be AI generated, traced, or stolen, you will be banned from any future contests I host.
RULE 3: You may only enter 1 art piece per contest.
RULE 4: Your Animal Jam account must be at least level 10. This is to prevent multiple entries from one person. This WILL be checked.
RULE 5: No inappropriate artwork is allowed.
Feel free to ask any questions
ART ENTRIES ARE DUE BY MAY 28TH AT 12 AM CDT TIME. TO SUBMIT AN ENTRY, DM U/ARTCONTESTSUMBISSION WITH YOUR ENTRY AND YOUR PROGRESS PICTURES
ALL ENTRIES WILL BE PUBLICLY POSTED IN THE SUBREDDIT ON MAY 29TH, AND WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED MAY 31ST (or the morning of June 1st)
To sign up, just comment on this post+dm u/ARTCONTESTSUMBISSION using this format:
Your AJ User
What method you're using to create your art
Any questions you may have

Nvidia's Impact on the Market 🎯

Nvidia's stock is up over 86% in 2024 and over 200% in the past year, making it a key driver of the AI trade. The company's updates on emerging technology demand will be closely watched, and its earnings report could have a significant impact on the broader market.
"If [Nvidia] can continue their enviable, remarkable string of beating estimates, raising guidance, then beating the raised guidance next quarter, that means that the AI trade can and will proceed apace," Interactive Brokers chief strategist Steve Sosnick wrote in a research note. "If there is even the slightest sign of weakness, however, much more than that stock alone will suffer."

The Expansion of the AI Trade

The AI trade is expanding beyond popular names like Nvidia, Microsoft, Alphabet, and Meta, with new companies in sectors like Energy and Utilities being tabbed as AI trades. Research from Goldman Sachs' equity strategy team led by David Kostin shows mentions of AI soared in the first quarter amid a "broadening of the AI trade." More than 66% of companies in the energy sector mentioned AI during their earnings calls this quarter, up from 19.1% last quarter.
JPMorgan Asset Management global market strategist Jack Manley said whether the AI story has legs "might be one of the more important questions that we have to ask."
"Is this AI stuff the real deal or is it a flash in the plan?" Manley told Yahoo Finance. "And I mean, frankly, the jury is still out on whether or not it will fundamentally transform the world."

Tesla in Trouble?

Tesla has faced multiple production issues at its South China manufacturing facility in late April. According to an unconfirmed report from Nikkei, the issues stem from an incomplete paint system, preventing Tesla from delivering on contractual commitments to China for 2,500 vehicles per day. Tesla shares closed at $383.37 on Thursday, a decrease of 2.76% from its previous close.
Created with TradingView

Weekly Calendar 📅

Monday:

• Earnings: Palo Alto Networks PANW 0.00%↑, Trip.com TRIP 0.00%↑, Zoom ZM 0.00%↑
• Economic news: No notable economic news.

Tuesday:

• Earnings: AutoZone AZO 0.00%↑, Macy's M 0.00%↑, XPeng XPEV 0.00%↑, Toll Brothers TOL 0.00%↑, Urban Outfitters URBN 0.00%↑
• Economic news: Philadelphia Fed Non-Manufacturing Activity, May (-12.4 previously)

Wednesday:

• Earnings: Nvidia NVDA 0.00%↑, e.l.f. Beauty ELF 0.00%↑, Petco WOOF 0.00%↑, Snowflake SNOW 0.00%↑, Target TGT 0.00%↑,Williams-Sonoma WSM 0.00%↑
• Economic news: MBA mortgage applications, May 17 (+0.5% previously); Existing home sales month-over-month, April (0% expected, -4.3% previously); FOMC meeting minutes

Thursday:

• Earnings: BJ's BJ 0.00%↑, Deckers Brands DECK 0.00%↑, Intuit INTU 0.00%↑, Polestar PSNY 0.00%↑, Ralph Lauren RL 0.00%↑, Ross Stores ROST 0.00%↑, TD Bank TD 0.00%↑, Workday WDAY 0.00%↑
• Economic news: Chicago Fed Nat Activity Index, April (0.15 previously); Initial jobless claims, week ending May 18 (222,000 previously); S&P Global US manufacturing PMI, May preliminary (50 previously); S&P Global US services PMI, May preliminary (51.3 previously); S&P Global US composite PMI, May preliminary (51.3 previously); Existing home sales month-over-month, January (5.0% expected, -1% previously)

Friday:

• Earnings: Lamar LAMR 0.00%↑, Warner Bros. Discovery WBD 0.00%↑
• Economic news: Durable goods orders, April preliminary (0% expected, 0.9% prior); University of Michigan Consumer Sentiment, May final (67.6 expected, 67.4 previously)

This will be my last repost of this as I want everyone who enters to have time to complete their artwork
These art contests will be held monthly. This one is a kinda like a trial run for me to see if any rules need changed, or anything else.
A note: I will be entirely responsible for handling entries and keeping track of people, but me and a group of my friends will be working together to judge and choose winners. We are focusing on creativity and a display of effort rather than the ability or quality of an art piece.
AJPW MAY ART CONTEST INFO
------------------------------THEME--------------------------- THE THEME FOR THIS CONTEST IS.... FLOWERS.
Requirement: some sort of flower MUST be present somewhere in your artwork.
Your drawing can be dark and gloomy with pitch black roses... or it can be a puppy playing in a field of flowers in the sunlight! Go crazy! Be creative!
-----------------------------PRIZES-----------------------------
FIRST PLACE: 500 SAPS
SECOND PLACE: 300 SAPS
THIRD PLACE: 200 SAPS
All people, upon submission of their art piece, will be entered into a masterpiece token giveaway! Winners of the giveaway will be chosen randomly, through usage of a wheel or similar method.
------------------------------RULES-----------------------------
RULE 1: You may choose what program you use to create your artwork with. If you use a program other than AJ's art program, you will be required to submit progress pictures along with your entry.
RULE 2: If your artwork is found to be AI generated, traced, or stolen, you will be banned from any future contests I host.
RULE 3: You may only enter 1 art piece per contest.
RULE 4: Your Animal Jam account must be at least level 10. This is to prevent multiple entries from one person. This WILL be checked.
RULE 5: No inappropriate artwork is allowed.
Feel free to ask any questions
ART ENTRIES ARE DUE BY MAY 28TH AT 12 AM CDT TIME. TO SUBMIT AN ENTRY, DM U/ARTCONTESTSUMBISSION WITH YOUR ENTRY AND YOUR PROGRESS PICTURES
ALL ENTRIES WILL BE PUBLICLY POSTED IN THE SUBREDDIT ON MAY 29TH, AND WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED MAY 31ST (or the morning of June 1st)
To sign up, just comment on this post+dm u/ARTCONTESTSUMBISSION using this format:
Your AJ User
What method you're using to create your art
Any questions you may have

I would say that overall, today was pretty tough.
I saw in that movie called trainspotting a little excerpt about how when recovering from an addiction something that is unspoken is that feeling of depression. Like nothing really excites you, you don't really look forward to much, nothing.
I find this to really ring true, especially today for some reason. But for me its mainly the OCD stuff. day after day im living with a sense of fear, without any possibility for the "answer" that my brain is seeking. So its this constant sense of uncertainty without really any relief. Back when I would "use" so to speak, in my waking existence of this reality there was always a great escape. I would just plunge into indulgence and dopamine would flood my brain and for those hours I felt as if I didn't really exist, like I was someplace else.
So it makes sense as to why I'd feel depressed. My "answer" to the ghost of fear that follows me around is taken away. And with the days passing on and the novelty of recovery gone, you're simply faced with the uncertainty of life.
While this may seem sad, I feel that in tandem with what I said now is a good time to take a deep dive into the depth of my addiction at its worse, and why I would feel as If something essential to me is missing. After all, its what my brain was taught.
To start off, when I see accounts of other pornography type addictions, most of the time, these are trivial to me. It's almost notable how far my addiction went, until it isn't. because the people on the communities I would use in would be just as frequent as me, with their hours just as long. Showing that this is a silent epidemic that is exclusively a consequence of the 21st century. For now its clinically called "cybersex addiction". But in my opinion their needs to be a term created that sounds more medicinal. Cybersex sounds a little corny and a tad sci-fi, and with my recount and the habits of others in the community, I'm sure in 20 years or so it will be observed as something a bit more serious and given a name to fit it. But for now with its current term its a tad difficult to take it seriously. If I was to tell someone I suffered for years from a cybersex addiction they'd probably find it a bit humorous. But I digress.
I would say that it started when I was about 15 years old, give or take. I had always liked porn. Loved porn even. I remember when I discovered it at 12 years old, and how good it made me feel. I watched it close to every night and would masturbate. But the feelings that I specifically liked were the videos that displayed power, and control. Absolutely nothing romantic. Stealing someone's girlfriend, making someone's spouse pleasure you for a favor, making a stepsibling "do as their told". Those kinda things. Specifically cheating. There was something so arousing to me about making someone elses significant other have sex with you. The power trip felt to primal and dirty. This was at 12-13 years old.
However, despite my habit, I feel as if I was still normal. I subconsciously suspended a sense of disbelief. The prospect of just having a girlfriend and having sex still very much excited me. My member still worked perfectly fine. And when I would watch porn I would just rub one out and be done with it. 15 minutes tops, typically more around 5. And then id move on with my day.
I remember when I first discovered a sex chat room. I believe I was 14 years old. At that time i had it on a family computer, so I couldn't take it very far. But i remember how excited I felt, that jumping in my chest when matched up with someone I would talk about sex with. But i wouldnt be able to touch myself, as I was in the living room.
It was at the back end of that year when I'd get on the site again. At this point I had purchased a smart phone and could use it in privacy. I will never forget that night in which I was hooked. I was on the couch, as I used to sleep there in a living room. This was different from the different aforementioned living room, as I had a lot of places growing up. I never had much of a home, and it was pretty troubled. But thats a topic for another day.
I matched up with someone on that same site. They were, or most likely roleplaying, as someone's wife. Sneaking around. I remember when I discovered that in the conversation my heart felt like it jumped out of my chest. I remember moving the conversation towards soemething sexual, and "she" naturally played her part and went along. I remember getting demanding, giving orders. "she" acted reluctant but "caved". I remember getting a euphoric sexual high. 14 years old, I was hooked.
It ebbed and flowed over the years, and came and went. But when it got really bad is after the onset of my adulthood OCD, at around 17
(People with OCD have it fully set in at some point during early adulthood, with episodes throughout childhood)
When my mental illness struggles started I felt as though my life was a waking nightmare. I just did not understand nonresponse at the time, and it felt as though my reality caved and inverted. I could not have a moment without rumination and did not understand there was nothing to solve. I just didn't understand. so I was merely a zombie, like some kind of ghoul. I was pretending to be alive. Floating moment to moment, phoning it in. My family didnt understand why I was so distant. Why i had no aspirations or anything. It made my father so angry he would beat me. The beating and what not got so bad that at 18 I split home. I was in and out after that.
Some time passed and I bummed around but I got to a point where I lived by myself and had roommates.
Throughout this era there was one constant. The internet pornography use. The "cybersex". at the end of every fruitless day I would get on, and it would be hours. I had multiple accounts, on multiple forums. Many fetish based. I would get desperate sometimes and would get spammy, clawing for a good partner that matched my interests, and would often get banned. So many times I would have accounts i would switch back in forth from to avoid getting banned. I was a full blown addict.
Snap forwards a couple years, where my addiction and mental illness had fully taken over. I had no job, I would never be able to hold one down. I was hemorrhaging money, my savings from my teenage hood. I would Doordash and do gig work on occasion but would give up if my OCD got too loud. Or if I had plans but started using f*ck those plans.
I would wake up at 11 or so. maybe noon, maybe 1. id get up and use the restroom, throw my clothes on the floor. My room was completely rotted away. I would go downstairs and chat with my roommates. maybe go grab lunch or something. then I'd get home and start using. typically, by 3 o clock. It would be hours, masturbating, binge watching porn, being on the forums. Finding partners that matched me and saying things that were unspeakibly nasty to get a good rush. Hours and hours would pass by and I would prevent ejaculation. i did not want the escape to end, but eventually it would. I would excrete all over myself and by matress with no bedding (I would not put my sheets on my bed, as i just simply did not care). I would not clean up much, would mostly just let it dry. After that I would watch some youtube. I would not get out of my bed, or shower, or anything like that. These things did not not concern me. At around 10 or so I would start up again. Using and using and using and using. typically till about 4 in the morning. Then id c*m, and Id go downstairs to stuff my face with whatever I had in the fridge. Then Id go back into my room, and with the rush of my vice gone and the fear from OCD quelled by it, Id feel unspeakably sad. Unspeakably empty. then id go to sleep.
Sometimes it was from the moment I woke up. I'd wake up, stare at my ceiling, my anxiety would settle in, and I'd start using. I'd use till 2 and then take a nap. Then id use till 4. Then I'd use till 8. Then id use till 2 am.
I remember my member would be red and blistered, sensitive to the touch, and unable to get an erection. But id keep using. Id go again and again, rubbing it while it was limp. My room stunk like hell and I was gaining weight. My hair was greasy and i was running out of money. I was literally just fading away.
Heres my great ability though. My friends just thought I was a tad unhygienic and lazy. They didn't suspect a thing. Because no matter what, I'm always a showman. I can always say something to crack up the group or become an inside joke. I was literally a dead man walking yet people considered me funny and capable. But the curtain got pulled on that eventually.
Well, more on that some other day. This recount served its purpose for me in putting in my perspective on what I am not anymore. And no matter how hard it gets, making sure I never go back again.
Fucking hell man. Why's this shit gotta be so hard.
See yall tomorrow.

In this Letters to the Editor section of the Times Colonist there are a couple thoughtful submissions in support of our responsible approach to city finances Re: “B.C. is plagued by dysfunctional municipal councils,” commentary, May 15.
https://www.timescolonist.com/opinion/letters-may-18-skip-the-insulting-language-langford-council-is-not-dysfunctional-dont-subsidize-e-bikes-with-tax-dollars-8766472
Here are my thoughts:
A high percentage tax increase is not a sign of dysfunction. The tax increase requires context.
In Langford, the tax increase simply indicates that Langford Council approved a budget that is significantly higher than last year. The math shows that comparing us to other municipalities in the region, we went from 4th lowest in 2023 to 7th out of 13 in 2024.
Interestingly, if you only look at our tax increase percentage of 15.6% compared to Colwood at 4.9% it's not clear that, in fact, taxes for a representative house in Langford (~53,000 people) are still lower than in Colwood (~22,000) people in 2024. Esquimalt with ~20,000 people has much higher taxes by over $900.
There are lots of things to consider when comparing municipal budgets. Some of the major factors that affected the budget this year include:
Fire Department (additional 9 firefighters as per Master Plan) 2.31%
Debt payment (internal capital borrowing) 1.67%
Police (RCMP) for 5 additional officers + one ME 2.31%
CPI on wages 1.37%
Maintenance Contracts (i.e. roads and parks maintenance) 1.16%
General Staffing 1.12%
Repairs and maintenance 0.87%
Community Safety and Municipal (Bylaw) enforcement staffing 0.60%
Greater Victoria Regional Library 0.53%
Royal Roads University initiatives 0.50%
Utilities and insurance 0.50%
West Shore Parks and Recreation Society 0.30%
Miscellaneous (net effect of increases and decreases of revenues and expenses) 2.91%
Reduced contribution to Equipment Replacement Reserve -1.10%
Non-market change (helping offset additional costs of growth) -4.17%
Debt servicing costs - Westhills owned YMCA building purchase 1.75%
No longer using the amenity fees for tax reduction, but rather using them for tangible amenities like sidewalks ~3%
The budget was deliberated in public meetings and went through proper democratic process. There is a lot of value and need behind some of the numbers to support our rapidly growing community.

This might just be a semantic question, but are new "openings" and "variations" still being created these days? It seems like novelties still show up fairly often in the engine age, but all the openings with proper names (think Sicilian Dragon, Nimzowitsch-Larsen Attack) are old and/or reference players from older generations. Of course, all the best openings have seemingly been played already, so that explains the lack of new overarching openings, but are subvariations still being named, especially after people? Or is it just a bunch of unnamed novelties which will never pick up steam and become full variations?
The only "new opening name" I've heard of recently is The Cow, and that's because it's a meme.