Buspar half

Hello everyone, I am recently diagnosed level 1 auDHD (as of October last year) after suspecting I was for a good third of my life. I am really starting to struggle with the bad aspects that come with ASD and ADHD, anxiety, depression, ocd- you get the idea. I have always struggled with these things but I feel have been really ramping up in intensity over the past few years. I am only 22 years old, and I live alone with my partner and cats. My problem is having to work full time, is absolutely soul crushing and is starting to impact my wellbeing I fear. I work a set 40 hour week Monday-Friday as a vet assistant in a veterinary hospital. I like my job and I’m really good at it, as animals and vet med have always been a special interest of mine, and my friends there are wonderful and very supportive.
However, over the past year or so it has become so hard to bring myself to work every day, I am so depressed and can’t really take care of myself the way I would like to because I get home and I am just completely exhausted. I also get severe anxiety and sob beforehand nearly every morning having to go in, and will often have anxiety or panic attacks about it. I have worked there long enough to receive FMLA for this, and while that has been helpful I’ve burned through my allotted hours for the year. Obviously missing work so often has caused me to get in trouble a few times and lose a lot of money in my paychecks. I’ve been to the doctor many times for different medications- sertraline, bupropion, buspar- and nothing has helped. Therapy is overwhelming to me and is very difficult to afford or find a place that covers what I need and falls under my insurance. Days I am not at work I feel fine but often can’t stop dreading having to go back eventually. The days I do call out I worry for a good half of the day that I’m letting my team and the hospital down.
I am just defeated from feeling anxious and sad and SICK all the time. I know the obvious answer is to quit and find a part time job, but obviously funds are a bit tight and my current job pays me the most I have ever made so I am hesitant. I just need an outsiders perspective or a voice of reason to help direct me in a different way. Sorry for the long read ya’ll

How do I navigate doing Ketamine at home while on long time controlled stabilization meds?
I've been on all of these meds for at least 3 yrs and in some cases longer
So I've been on Adderall for ADHD half my life, it helps me enough in my job as a PA that I notice when I don't take it.
I also take Valium and before that was taking Ativan and before that Clonopin, and also Buspar (the dry eyes and mouth coupled with Sjogrens made it a non viable option)
I usually have a set dose of 5mg Valium and then an "safety" dose I can take especially on my therapy days and during triggering parts of the year.. I always have some left over each month but my insurance denied/charged more for the original rx frequency so he changed it to 2x a day with the understanding that it wouldn't always need to be 2x a day.
(I can literally show a prospective provider my leftover benzos on a telehealth call if needed)
I also take 5 mgs of Ambien, I have severe panic when it becomes bedtime time, going to sleep is a WAR, staying asleep and not having actual night terrors requires a different non controlled medicine called prazosin
I had a consult with Joyous today and the woman was rude, and was like im not rx you Ketamine, I even told her that I had been on these meds while doing 400mg RDTs with Dr.Smiths clinic and that I didn't experience any side effects like slow respiratory issues.. any way she wouldn't budge
but I am wondering are there any providers who do teleheath type Ketamine rx that would take the time to understand that my body is USED to all these meds and I've been on Ketamine with them before and been fine,
Ketamine helped me so so much and when Dr.Smith had to close it really really messed up my progress with severe PTSD from CSA and other really fucked up stuff.
Now my therapist and I are delving into Inner Child work and I keep thinking how starting Ketamine again could help me get through the resistance my "analytical " mind goes into.. to avoid painful emotions and realizations and paradoxically help with my increase in daily PTSD symptoms 😢
If anyone has any recommendations I would really appreciate it, any providers can feel free to message me.
Thank you so much for reading
TLDR- Joyous said no because I'm on 3 controlled medications I've been on for several years, and also was on while doing MUCH higher doses RDT (400mg 3x a week) in 2022- 2023 thru Dr.Smiths clinic
Looking for a provider willing to work with me for low dose daily Ketamine, without judging the meds that help me survive as a survivor of really screwed up childhood trauma like familial child t*afficking

So I've been on buspar 5mg 2x daily for about a year and a half... Was amazed how well it worked and I finally felt "normal" again... But end of February my Dr put me on a statin... Was ok for awhile then all of a sudden dizzy spells.. Very bad headaches... Stopped the statin end of March and still feel awful and my anxiety has been through the roof... It's like the buspar doesn't even work anymore.... Anyone else run into anything like this? So frustrating.

I've been suffering from anxiety since I was very young and it gets really bad when I'm going through difficult events in life. I've been prescribed a variety of medication from benzodiazepines like Ativan and Xanax to Prozac and Zoloft. Prozac was a good long term solution for me and I took it for 6 months before stopping last summer because I felt like I didn't need it anymore.
Recently I started getting anxiety again so I asked my GP for Buspar because I didn't want to take Prozac as it gave me some side effects. I started with 5mg in the morning and evening and that didn't work because I still felt really anxious. Then I started taking 5mg in the afternoon as well; so essentially I was taking 5mg 3 times a day. This has honestly worked so well for me and my anxiety is so much better. I think I might take 10mg in the morning instead of 5mg because my morning anxiety can be quite bad and Buspar has a short half life.
I've noticed that the anxiety spirals that I would usually get from life events has become virtually non existence. I still feel negative emotions but the physical symptoms of anxiety that I usually have is virtually non existent for most of the day.

I've been on buspar for approximately half of a year now and it has worked wonders. I used to not be able to complete my college work and fail classes because I would be drowning in a sea of anxiety, but now I finally can! Or sort of. I've found myself, instead of wallowing, day dreaming constantly, usually about mundane things.
On top of that, when I drink caffine (like 120mg), I feel like I'm on the top of the fucking world and my daydreaming becomes very vivid where I feel like I'm in the scenario I'm dreaming about.
As much as buspar has helped me, the daydreaming has become very unproductive.

So about a year ago I was taking 5mg of abilify as well as buspar(can’t remember the mg), and Wellbutrin(also can’t remember the mg), and I felt amazing. I suffer from severe anxiety/panic attack disorder after having my baby. I moved cities and did the thing where you feel so good you stop taking your meds. Well flash forward to this past month and a half I’ve had a resurgence of severe anxiety and panic attacks. It’s to the point I can’t leave my house, like even going outside sets me off and sometimes just going through the day taking care of things around the house it sets in and I just have to lay down. It is affecting my ability to take care of my baby and myself. So I’ve been trying to get back into therapy/counseling with the same people (I moved back) but there’s a lengthy wait time for intake(which is another 2 weeks to complete after I get in) so I went to my pcp to try to get prescribed back on my meds because I genuinely need help. She prescribed me 5mg abilify and 150XL bupropion(for depression which I do not suffer with currently) so I’m just taking the abilify as she refused to prescribe me anything else because they don’t “manage mental health like that.” I’ve been back on abilify for about 2 weeks now. The first two days I felt AMAZING but every day since then I feel so brain zappy, foggy(like I’m in a dream and everything seems so fuzzy except what I focus on which is like in extreme HD and freaks me out), TIRED, still anxious not as intense but constant now(like I’m dancing around a panic attack constantly), and I depersonalize and disassociate so much which sends me into a panicked spiral. It was not like this before. I have been able to get out a little more but it’s still not enough to be able to just run to the store or go out to eat. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m in limbo with options. Do I try to take half and maybe it’s just too much for me(can I even do that)? Do I just stop it and hold out until I can get in somewhere? I have hydroxyzine but at this point I’m almost eating it like candy to make it through the day and even then it knocks me out so I spend most of the time dozing off than time playing with my kid and it’s killing me. I can’t afford to check myself in anywhere nor can I do that with a 2 year old that depends on me. I don’t know what to do, I just can’t live like this(I’m not suicidal just hopeless). I want so badly to get back to “normal”. Thanks if you read all of that <3

So I’ve dealt with Anxiety for years, past 18 months or so it started affecting me socially and during normal routine day to day activities, work, gym, grabbing a drink at my local bar. A few months ago I tried BusPar and it didn’t do jack. Just been dealing with it on my own and the occasional Xanax for when I go to heavy crowded places that drives me anxiety through the roof.
It usually starts with a lightheaded feeling, ruminating thoughts of panic or that something bad will happen and it just gets worse and hard to control. Last Thursday I saw a Psych and she prescribed half a 25mg dose once a day to start but now I’m super indecisive whether I want to be dependent on medication and will it make it actually better or worse.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Hiya,
I've been taking buspar for 3 months now. I did a very slow ramp up (2.5mg twice daily -> 5mg then 2.5mg -> my current dosage of 5mg twice daily). I dealt with some lightheadedness, tensions headaches, ringing in my ears, brain fog, and short term anxiety increase / feeling of activation (most likely from my hypervigilance and OCD triggered by a new med). But all of those symptoms went after after 6 weeks of 5mg twice daily (each dosage increase brought this back until I had 6 consecutive weeks of no change in dosage).
I want to increase my dosage because I find that it takes the edge off for 3-4 hours after I take it, but I'm much more tense in between doses. Also during stressful moments, panic and anxiety still has a strong hold. So many reasons I need to increase my dosage, but I'm unsure of the best way to do it. For context my psychiatrist basically told me to experiment and do whatever I think is best - they said since I'm taking such a small dosage there aren't any hard and fast rules about when / how frequently I take it. I also think she knows I'm neurotic and didn't expect me to get carried away with this advice (I'm sure you can tell).
I would like to do 7.5mg twice daily rather than 10mg twice daily since I've been doing increments of 2.5mg throughout this process. But splitting the pills into quarters is a bitch. Especially storing the unused quarter for hours later. Half the time I'm trying to ingest the powder left over from the previous split and I can't really bring my pill splitters out to dinner with me for a casual moment taking my pill (I use the scissor pill splitter). So I was thinking of doing 5mg three times a day to achieve the overall daily dosage in half pills (my prescription comes 10mg pills).
I take my first pill usually between 11am and 1pm (whenever I finish eating breakfast - I work remotely and most of my coworkers are west coast while I'm east coast). Which makes it hard to fit in three dosages in my day. I usually wake up at 10am and finish eating enough food for my pill by 11. I then take my second dosage around 7pm but I start getting anxious around 5pm.
If I were to do 5mg three times a day, could I space them out in 4 hour increments? I really just want the hours of 11am-midnight to be covered by my meds. I don't really deal with morning anxiety and taking the pill before eating makes me get headaches. But I know most people take their pills 6-12 hours apart.
Anyway hoping to hear about other people's routines / hacks for pill splitting / thoughts. Mainly just validation while I make a decision I feel good about sticking with :)

Hey guys, I’m new here, and I don’t know all the lingo and stuff, so bear with me. I kind of just needed to vent, because this is just so heavy.
My great uncle (we call him Doc, and he’s more of a grandfather to me), was a chiropractor for 50 years. Around 10 years ago, he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s, but they did not believe in going to a doctor. He closed his practice when he was no longer able to work (about 7 years ago) He turned 87 today.
Doc is, for lack of a better word, gone. He’s still completely mobile, and in excellent physical health (physically he is NOT frail or disabled)…. He just… isn’t there mentally at all anymore. He still walks the neighborhood every day, and he spends almost all of his waking hours outdoors - walking, sweeping the driveway, and collecting feathers, sticks, and rocks for his wife. He’s always on the move. He helps with everything (as best as he can, and most times it’s a hindrance). He’s just not aware of anything.
Most days he doesn’t know who his wife is, and he hasn’t known any of my siblings or I for the better part of 3 years. He requires a constant babysitter. He gets mean and combative when he gets frustrated, and he gets frustrated often. He’s never hit his wife or harmed her, but he does get very intimidating and has loud angry outbursts where he screams and throws things and cusses at everyone.
This is really hard on his wife (60, we call her Een). She is the type of person who pours until her cup is beyond empty. Een is an absolute saint. She is the only caretaker for him, and she also provides round the clock care for her sister (my Nana, 78). She needs help so desperately, but we are not in a place where we can provide it. They live a decently far way away, so I can’t go every day to help them.
About 2 years ago, Een finally took him to a doctor. He was formally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and they told her that the best thing she could do was medicate him. She refused. About a year and a half ago, she started giving him Trazodone at night to relax him and help him sleep.
This became an issue, because she was not giving it consistently. She would give it to him sometimes, but never at the same dosage (she would split the pills down because she didn’t want to give too much medicine) or at a consistent time. I have mental health issues, and take trazodone myself, and I shared my experiences with her and encouraged her to follow the dosage and set an alarm to give it at the same time every day. Their doctor also prescribed Buspar recently, and they are going to be starting Seroquel for him sometime soon.
My aunt is killing herself. She is a shell of the woman she used to be. She is so frazzled and so out of it. She has so many burdens on her, and there is nothing I can do to help. They cannot afford in home health care, and when they’ve tried to have someone from church or a friend come stay with him so she can have a break, but he fights them the entire time and throws fits until they finally call my aunt and tell her she has to come home. The longest she’s been away from him in 4 years is 2 hours for her brother’s funeral. My siblings and I stayed with him so she could go. She refuses to put him in a facility - “If the tables were turned, he would be doing the same thing for me. I refuse to institutionalize him because they will not give him any quality of life.” Admirable, I know.
She is becoming just as forgetful as he is. She will cook a meal, and forget the main ingredient (like a shepherd’s pie, but forget the ground beef). She is tapped out. I try to call her every day, and have for the past 2 years to give her someone to vent to and someone sane and not reliant on her to talk to. It’s just breaking my heart to watch this happening.
I feel so selfish for saying this, but at this point I hope he dies soon. I love him, and I don’t want to lose him, but he’s been gone for years. It is killing my aunt. At this rate, he will outlive her. Their son refuses to help. He’s just a sack of shit like that.
I don’t know what else I want to say, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I called this morning to wish him happy birthday, and he was having a good day. He didn’t know my name, and he didn’t really understand why I was talking to him, but at the end of the call, he told me he was proud of me and that he loved me. It’s just so hard.

This is a bit of a personal vent and a discussion topic! I hope I tagged this right. Let me know if I need to change it.
Some context first: I've (25nb) had OCD my entire life, always mild, and usually managed well. I didn't even know that's what I was dealing with until a few years ago, and only got diagnosed half a year ago. The diagnosis wasn't in the best situation however, and maybe a previous diagnosis would have saved me.
I was on Celexa for 2 years, but it stopped working suddenly. I upped my dose with a new provider (as I had just graduated college and couldn't use campus facilities) and all it did was cause side effects. I went off the med and found that yeah, it was doing nothing to help me anymore. I was devastated.
Long story short, we tried Trintillex next, which gave me terrible night anxiety. After a panic attack that sent me to the ER, we decided to try something different. Trintillex also sapped away all of my passion for my hobbies, and my fiance (25ftm) was a bit upset at a lack of something (I'm sure you could guess) and told me he'd break up with me if that something wasn't fixed. Not really core to the story, but I for sure ignored some red flags because I wanted to "fix" this issue (that I later found out was caused by something non-med related anyways)
My provider, after hearing my partner and I's concern, decided to prescribe me Wellbutrin. I took a week or so to start it, because some reviews online made me a bit nervous. A lot of people described very heightened anxiety and aggression, and practically begged those with anxiety to not take it. I ignored this, due to what I mentioned earlier, and started the medication that has ruined my life.
I took this medication for 2 weeks, and suddenly I went from anxious but generally gentle - to aggressive, controlling, and just awful to be around. My OCD also RAPIDLY spiked out of control, contamination to such a level that I needed assistance to access different rooms of my house, or wash my hands over and over just for touching a cup that "could" be sticky. Just a couple of examples. I was completely nunfunctional.
When I got off the medication, all of the aggression went away, but my OCD has stayed severe for the past 6 months and it is destroying my health, my relationship, and my ability to even go to work every day. I'm late to work all the time, and I stay up till wee hours of the morning because of obsessions and (mostly) compulsions. The OCD now controls the entire home, and what my partner can and can't do too. I have to do all of the chores (because of my OCD) out of fear that something will be messed up, and it's crushing me because I have a full time job too. My partner also was already very angry before, due to CPTSD, but now it's gone to new levels and has made our relationship basically nonfunctional as well. To help myself: I've signed my partner and I up for couple therapy, I'm in individual therapy, tried Buspar with my current provider and it did nothing, just recently changed medication provider and am going to try to start something new, trying some supplements, doing some light exercise, everything I can think of. It's still only slightly better than it was 6 months ago. I'm really hoping with all I'm doing I'll see some substantial change soon.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? Where, once your OCD was triggered by a medication it felt like your brain has permanently changed? I'd love to hear your stories, I think it'll help me feel a little less alone in this too. I know I can't be the only person this kind of thing has happened to.

EDIT: The main ones I am considering are fluoxetine (Prozac) and vortioxetine (Trintellix) because of their longer half life, but based on the Genesight results, I could also try desvenlafaxine (Pristiq), levomilnacipran (Fetzima), vilazodone (Viibryd), duloxetine (Cymbalta), or fluvoxamine (Luvox). Unless I want to try a tricyclic, which is tempting after seeing they’re used off-label for some of my physical chronic health issues! I need to check if I can get an updated list since mine is from 2021, though, and I know there are new meds not mentioned and possibly some no longer available. I’ve had much better luck with brand name meds also, so I know newer ones are less likely to have generics (my insurance will pay if no generic is available).
To preface, I am diagnosed with autism, adhd, and c-ptsd. I exhibit many OCD symptoms, but my doctors feel they’re better explained by my other conditions. I’ve more recently begun tackling treatment of my symptoms through an OCD lens because intrusive thoughts are one of my most debilitating symptoms, and the ADHD medication and autism diagnosis have practically eradicated my depression and anxiety. Yet issues that could fall under OCD still remained. I also have chronic health issues, like POTS, hEDS, and likely MCAS.
Currently, I take 150mg Zoloft and 15mg Dyanavel XR (amphetamine). It’s been working fantastically for nearly 2 years, with just some minor dosage adjustments as my tolerance increased. Unfortunately, while my intrusive thoughts are under control with Zoloft, at the current dosage my skin and nail picking has gotten out of control, as well as other things that I worry may be OCD-like symptoms or side effects. I have been getting “stuck” in what I’ve come to understand as compulsions much more frequently, and it’s really impacting my daily functioning. Also, my memory is even worse than usual, as well as my ability to manage my time or even conceptualize it, and I’ve become incredibly avoidant. I feel intense dread just trying to reply to a text, and it can take me a month or more to send a reply. I also feel like I have blinders on to everything that is bothering me or that I care about. I don’t feel numb, but more like it just isn’t processing. I know when these feelings are from autism or ADHD, and they play a role, but it feels different this time and has gotten worse without any typical triggers in the last 4-6 months, which is why I’m thinking medication.
I am wondering if I might have luck with something like Prozac or another medication that helps OCD symptoms? I’ve had pharmacogenetic testing, and nearly everything falls into the “moderate” list. I’ve taken Effexor, Wellbutrin, Seroquel, Buspar, Abilify, Lamictal, Tripleptal, trazodone, Strattera, Concerta and some others I’m forgetting. All either did nothing, had bad side effects, or stopped working after 6 months. I know from the genetic testing that I have the mutations that mean I produce serotonin but can’t seem to access any of it (I think it’s “reduced serotonin expression”), and I burn through dopamine faster than I can make it. I’ve also tried some OTC things, but they were either ineffective or couldn’t be tolerated. And I’ve done both neurofeedback and TMS treatments. Greatly benefited, but insurance would only pay for a certain amount.
I’m just so tired of this battle, and I don’t want to change meds if it’s going to make things worse, since it has taken almost a decade to find an adequate combo. But I’m scared of staying the same as well, because it’s impacting my job, caring for my health, my friendships, and staying on top of responsibilities.
I appreciate any advice or words of encouragement. I’m going to talk with my doctor soon, but I need help getting my thoughts in order and what I might want my next moves to be.

i’m 17 years old, i have struggled with mental illness since childhood. i have been emotionally neglected by my parents as a child ( my mom partied, and brought men over all the time, and my dad is an alcoholic — both suffer from mental health issues ) my sister was the parent of me while she was just a teenager. she is 25 now and we are close, but she lives back home and i sometimes visit her. my parents separated before i was born. my mom had full custody and i’d visit my dad sometimes. ( i dont really visit anymore because he lives in another state ) he had met some girl when i was 7 who then became my step mom, she was nice sometimes but really immature and ALSO invalidated tf out of me. they fought in front of me as years went on ( domestic and verbal abuse towards each other ). they separated in 2023 and my dad is dating a guy now lol ( happy for him ). both my dad and my mom had a very bad childhood and they both struggle to understand me. when was doing bad my mom would emotionally abuse me and so would my dad ( i had to deal with my mom more because i lived with her — and still do ). my mom would curse at me, criticize me, make me believe everything was my fault, say she would send me to foster care, told me to kill myself, say i’m just like my dad, the list goes on. my dad isn’t and wasn’t as bad, but he had told me when i was doing bad one time that, “all you do is pop a few pills and go to your vacation spot” ( the mental hospital lol ). he has also told me to quite literally shut up when i was crying as a toddler. they are both better now, and try to understand me, but i’m still ill and i know that their abuse has left me traumatized. they had never hit me though, my mom would “pop” me when i was being bad/disrespectful, but i think that’s normal. i’m much closer with my dad on an emotional level even though i don’t even see him or call him much. last time i visited, i opened up to him a lot and he did not criticize me at all. i love him, and i love my mom too. i just don’t think me and my mom will have as much as a closer emotional bond like that because of how much she has invalidated, yelled, and blamed me for showing emotion. it’s like everything i do is a fuck up. like i said, she’s better now and learns to own up to her mistakes. she has literally came in my room and cried to me calling herself a bad mom, blaming herself because of why i am the way i am now. sometimes she understands me when i’m upset, but sometimes she still does her invalidating shit. thankfully, i’m emotionally mature enough to where i try not to let her words get to me, but they still sometimes do. because of my childhood where i was emotionally neglected and unheard, throughout my life, i’d attract people who were just really toxic towards me. my best friend in middle school was controlling, made me feel like shit, and traumatized me with her behavior. my relationships have ended because the person could not commit/was emotionally unavailable. i have both an anxious and avoidant attachment style. i had lost my first love recently who made my anxiety and worries go away, ( i am a lesbian ) and she left me because she had commitment issues, but also kind of did some shitty things to me to hurt me on purpose. i am finally starting to move on and still will always love her. i do believe i am a good person, and of course i’m not perfect, but i do believe i am fairly nice to people even when they do shitty things. i don’t know what i have, but i hope to get a diagnosis or something. i suspect autism, maybe ocd, or even both ( let me know if i really have to get into that ). one time when i was about 8/9 i tried to cut myself with a butter knife. after every minor inconvenience i’d think about not wanting to be here. around 14, ( during quarantine ) i randomly just decided that i would attempt suicide for the first time. after that, the attempts just kept happening every single age. ( 14,15,16,17 ) i’ve tried to kill myself by overdose of prescribed meds but it never worked. i’m scared of dying so, honestly part of it was probably for attention, but the other half of me actually just wanted life to be over. like, if it didn’t work, i hope people would pay attention to me. i had lost friends around 14 when i attempted ( pushed them away bc of my mental health issues ), which i can understand their pov. at the time, it was draining to be around me. now, i just keep to myself. and, i will admit, i’m more emotionally mature than an average adult. but i don’t know why, after everything, ( countless hospitals, med changes, support from multiple therapists, friends, family, psychiatrists ) i still just don’t want to be here. when things go wrong or im overwhelmed i uncontrollably hit and punch myself. i used to cut myself when i was 14-15, but i don’t like it anymore. sure, i’ve had moments where i DO enjoy being alive and love everything, but most of the time i literally just cannot. i know it’s getting bad again because i don’t even enjoy being around my friends anymore, i don’t like going to school, i don’t like anything. i just cannot kill myself bc im scared of going to a stupid mental hospital again and sitting days in the regular hospital smelling like shit bc they don’t have showers waiting to get admitted to the psychiatric hospital. it sucks feeling like literally nobody understands you, even though you have support. i’m very stuck and tbh the thing i wish for the most is just some disaster to happen to me that will kill me ( ie get murdered or something ) i take latuda, lamictal, abilify, and buspar ( and hydroxyzine as needed to help with my anxiety ) and they have helped, i think. but as of recently, they aren’t really helping lol. i have a therapist, and i have a psychiatrist. this isn’t a vent, this is me wanting help because i have no idea what to do. i want to live, i want to be happy, i want to look forward to my future and be a psychiatrist, and i want to be able to not shut down during stressful situations. i want to know what’s wrong with me. don’t say “nothing is wrong with you, you’re just human” because ive heard that quite a lot. i know i’m human, and i know it’s normal to feel these emotions. i know there are other people out there like me, and i know there are people who have given up. i know what depression and anxiety are, but i know that there has to be some kind of diagnosis for me. that’s all i want is to be aware of what could be wrong with me so i can be aware and get on meds that usually help with the diagnosis. i WANT to LIVE. i WANT to LIKE being around my friends again. i WANT to do good in school. senior year i am getting homeschooled and moving to another city in my state, so i’m pretty happy about that. i’m just worried i’ll drift apart from my friends and get fomo. just please, anyone, give me answers. help me and give me guidance to not feel like this anymore. IVE TRIED EVERYTHING. no coping skills work, so i dont want to hear “look into coping skills” mind you, i have been hospitalized 10 times, i know ALL about coping skills and breathing exercises. i know i typed a hell of a lot, but i hope whoever reads this will just say something. i want to be heard, and i want some answers so i don’t go through with another suicide attempt. thank you

i’m 17 years old, i have struggled with mental illness since childhood. i have been emotionally neglected by my parents as a child ( my mom partied, and brought men over all the time, and my dad is an alcoholic — both suffer from mental health issues ) my sister was the parent of me while she was just a teenager. she is 25 now and we are close, but she lives back home and i sometimes visit her. my parents separated before i was born. my mom had full custody and i’d visit my dad sometimes. ( i dont really visit anymore because he lives in another state ) he had met some girl when i was 7 who then became my step mom, she was nice sometimes but really immature and ALSO invalidated tf out of me. they fought in front of me as years went on ( domestic and verbal abuse towards each other ). they separated in 2023 and my dad is dating a guy now lol ( happy for him ). both my dad and my mom had a very bad childhood and they both struggle to understand me. when was doing bad my mom would emotionally abuse me and so would my dad ( i had to deal with my mom more because i lived with her — and still do ). my mom would curse at me, criticize me, make me believe everything was my fault, say she would send me to foster care, told me to kill myself, say i’m just like my dad, the list goes on. my dad isn’t and wasn’t as bad, but he had told me when i was doing bad one time that, “all you do is pop a few pills and go to your vacation spot” ( the mental hospital lol ). he has also told me to quite literally shut up when i was crying as a toddler. they are both better now, and try to understand me, but i’m still ill and i know that their abuse has left me traumatized. they had never hit me though, my mom would “pop” me when i was being bad/disrespectful, but i think that’s normal. i’m much closer with my dad on an emotional level even though i don’t even see him or call him much. last time i visited, i opened up to him a lot and he did not criticize me at all. i love him, and i love my mom too. i just don’t think me and my mom will have as much as a closer emotional bond like that because of how much she has invalidated, yelled, and blamed me for showing emotion. it’s like everything i do is a fuck up. like i said, she’s better now and learns to own up to her mistakes. she has literally came in my room and cried to me calling herself a bad mom, blaming herself because of why i am the way i am now. sometimes she understands me when i’m upset, but sometimes she still does her invalidating shit. thankfully, i’m emotionally mature enough to where i try not to let her words get to me, but they still sometimes do. because of my childhood where i was emotionally neglected and unheard, throughout my life, i’d attract people who were just really toxic towards me. my best friend in middle school was controlling, made me feel like shit, and traumatized me with her behavior. my relationships have ended because the person could not commit/was emotionally unavailable. i have both an anxious and avoidant attachment style. i had lost my first love recently who made my anxiety and worries go away, ( i am a lesbian ) and she left me because she had commitment issues, but also kind of did some shitty things to me to hurt me on purpose. i am finally starting to move on and still will always love her. i do believe i am a good person, and of course i’m not perfect, but i do believe i am fairly nice to people even when they do shitty things. i don’t know what i have, but i hope to get a diagnosis or something. i suspect autism, maybe ocd, or even both ( let me know if i really have to get into that ). one time when i was about 8/9 i tried to cut myself with a butter knife. after every minor inconvenience i’d think about not wanting to be here. around 14, ( during quarantine ) i randomly just decided that i would attempt suicide for the first time. after that, the attempts just kept happening every single age. ( 14,15,16,17 ) i’ve tried to kill myself by overdose of prescribed meds but it never worked. i’m scared of dying so, honestly part of it was probably for attention, but the other half of me actually just wanted life to be over. like, if it didn’t work, i hope people would pay attention to me. i had lost friends around 14 when i attempted ( pushed them away bc of my mental health issues ), which i can understand their pov. at the time, it was draining to be around me. now, i just keep to myself. and, i will admit, i’m more emotionally mature than an average adult. but i don’t know why, after everything, ( countless hospitals, med changes, support from multiple therapists, friends, family, psychiatrists ) i still just don’t want to be here. when things go wrong or im overwhelmed i uncontrollably hit and punch myself. i used to cut myself when i was 14-15, but i don’t like it anymore. sure, i’ve had moments where i DO enjoy being alive and love everything, but most of the time i literally just cannot. i know it’s getting bad again because i don’t even enjoy being around my friends anymore, i don’t like going to school, i don’t like anything. i just cannot kill myself bc im scared of going to a stupid mental hospital again and sitting days in the regular hospital smelling like shit bc they don’t have showers waiting to get admitted to the psychiatric hospital. it sucks feeling like literally nobody understands you, even though you have support. i’m very stuck and tbh the thing i wish for the most is just some disaster to happen to me that will kill me ( ie get murdered or something ) i take latuda, lamictal, abilify, and buspar ( and hydroxyzine as needed to help with my anxiety ) and they have helped, i think. but as of recently, they aren’t really helping lol. i have a therapist, and i have a psychiatrist. this isn’t a vent, this is me wanting help because i have no idea what to do. i want to live, i want to be happy, i want to look forward to my future and be a psychiatrist, and i want to be able to not shut down during stressful situations. i want to know what’s wrong with me. don’t say “nothing is wrong with you, you’re just human” because ive heard that quite a lot. i know i’m human, and i know it’s normal to feel these emotions. i know there are other people out there like me, and i know there are people who have given up. i know what depression and anxiety are, but i know that there has to be some kind of diagnosis for me. that’s all i want is to be aware of what could be wrong with me so i can be aware and get on meds that usually help with the diagnosis. i WANT to LIVE. i WANT to LIKE being around my friends again. i WANT to do good in school. senior year i am getting homeschooled and moving to another city in my state, so i’m pretty happy about that. i’m just worried i’ll drift apart from my friends and get fomo. just please, anyone, give me answers. help me and give me guidance to not feel like this anymore. IVE TRIED EVERYTHING. no coping skills work, so i dont want to hear “look into coping skills” mind you, i have been hospitalized 10 times, i know ALL about coping skills and breathing exercises. i know i typed a hell of a lot, but i hope whoever reads this will just say something. i want to be heard, and i want some answers so i don’t go through with another suicide attempt. thank you

i’m 17 years old, i have struggled with mental illness since childhood. i have been emotionally neglected by my parents as a child ( my mom partied, and brought men over all the time, and my dad is an alcoholic — both suffer from mental health issues ) my sister was the parent of me while she was just a teenager. she is 25 now and we are close, but she lives back home and i sometimes visit her. my parents separated before i was born. my mom had full custody and i’d visit my dad sometimes. ( i dont really visit anymore because he lives in another state ) he had met some girl when i was 7 who then became my step mom, she was nice sometimes but really immature and ALSO invalidated tf out of me. they fought in front of me as years went on ( domestic and verbal abuse towards each other ). they separated in 2023 and my dad is dating a guy now lol ( happy for him ). both my dad and my mom had a very bad childhood and they both struggle to understand me. when was doing bad my mom would emotionally abuse me and so would my dad ( i had to deal with my mom more because i lived with her — and still do ). my mom would curse at me, criticize me, make me believe everything was my fault, say she would send me to foster care, told me to kill myself, say i’m just like my dad, the list goes on. my dad isn’t and wasn’t as bad, but he had told me when i was doing bad one time that, “all you do is pop a few pills and go to your vacation spot” ( the mental hospital lol ). he has also told me to quite literally shut up when i was crying as a toddler. they are both better now, and try to understand me, but i’m still ill and i know that their abuse has left me traumatized. they had never hit me though, my mom would “pop” me when i was being bad/disrespectful, but i think that’s normal. i’m much closer with my dad on an emotional level even though i don’t even see him or call him much. last time i visited, i opened up to him a lot and he did not criticize me at all. i love him, and i love my mom too. i just don’t think me and my mom will have as much as a closer emotional bond like that because of how much she has invalidated, yelled, and blamed me for showing emotion. it’s like everything i do is a fuck up. like i said, she’s better now and learns to own up to her mistakes. she has literally came in my room and cried to me calling herself a bad mom, blaming herself because of why i am the way i am now. sometimes she understands me when i’m upset, but sometimes she still does her invalidating shit. thankfully, i’m emotionally mature enough to where i try not to let her words get to me, but they still sometimes do. because of my childhood where i was emotionally neglected and unheard, throughout my life, i’d attract people who were just really toxic towards me. my best friend in middle school was controlling, made me feel like shit, and traumatized me with her behavior. my relationships have ended because the person could not commit/was emotionally unavailable. i have both an anxious and avoidant attachment style. i had lost my first love recently who made my anxiety and worries go away, ( i am a lesbian ) and she left me because she had commitment issues, but also kind of did some shitty things to me to hurt me on purpose. i am finally starting to move on and still will always love her. i do believe i am a good person, and of course i’m not perfect, but i do believe i am fairly nice to people even when they do shitty things. i don’t know what i have, but i hope to get a diagnosis or something. i suspect autism, maybe ocd, or even both ( let me know if i really have to get into that ). one time when i was about 8/9 i tried to cut myself with a butter knife. after every minor inconvenience i’d think about not wanting to be here. around 14, ( during quarantine ) i randomly just decided that i would attempt suicide for the first time. after that, the attempts just kept happening every single age. ( 14,15,16,17 ) i’ve tried to kill myself by overdose of prescribed meds but it never worked. i’m scared of dying so, honestly part of it was probably for attention, but the other half of me actually just wanted life to be over. like, if it didn’t work, i hope people would pay attention to me. i had lost friends around 14 when i attempted ( pushed them away bc of my mental health issues ), which i can understand their pov. at the time, it was draining to be around me. now, i just keep to myself. and, i will admit, i’m more emotionally mature than an average adult. but i don’t know why, after everything, ( countless hospitals, med changes, support from multiple therapists, friends, family, psychiatrists ) i still just don’t want to be here. when things go wrong or im overwhelmed i uncontrollably hit and punch myself. i used to cut myself when i was 14-15, but i don’t like it anymore. sure, i’ve had moments where i DO enjoy being alive and love everything, but most of the time i literally just cannot. i know it’s getting bad again because i don’t even enjoy being around my friends anymore, i don’t like going to school, i don’t like anything. i just cannot kill myself bc im scared of going to a stupid mental hospital again and sitting days in the regular hospital smelling like shit bc they don’t have showers waiting to get admitted to the psychiatric hospital. it sucks feeling like literally nobody understands you, even though you have support. i’m very stuck and tbh the thing i wish for the most is just some disaster to happen to me that will kill me ( ie get murdered or something ) i take latuda, lamictal, abilify, and buspar ( and hydroxyzine as needed to help with my anxiety ) and they have helped, i think. but as of recently, they aren’t really helping lol. i have a therapist, and i have a psychiatrist. this isn’t a vent, this is me wanting help because i have no idea what to do. i want to live, i want to be happy, i want to look forward to my future and be a psychiatrist, and i want to be able to not shut down during stressful situations. i want to know what’s wrong with me. don’t say “nothing is wrong with you, you’re just human” because ive heard that quite a lot. i know i’m human, and i know it’s normal to feel these emotions. i know there are other people out there like me, and i know there are people who have given up. i know what depression and anxiety are, but i know that there has to be some kind of diagnosis for me. that’s all i want is to be aware of what could be wrong with me so i can be aware and get on meds that usually help with the diagnosis. i WANT to LIVE. i WANT to LIKE being around my friends again. i WANT to do good in school. senior year i am getting homeschooled and moving to another city in my state, so i’m pretty happy about that. i’m just worried i’ll drift apart from my friends and get fomo. just please, anyone, give me answers. help me and give me guidance to not feel like this anymore. IVE TRIED EVERYTHING. no coping skills work, so i dont want to hear “look into coping skills” mind you, i have been hospitalized 10 times, i know ALL about coping skills and breathing exercises. i know i typed a hell of a lot, but i hope whoever reads this will just say something. i want to be heard, and i want some answers so i don’t go through with another suicide attempt. thank you

I’ve been through a lot since last August. I lost my 16 y/o dog, and both my parents within the span of 4 months, then had to go through 3 months of court proceedings, clearing out a hoarder house (my parents) and moved my disabled brother in with me.
I had been crying at any little thing, even in public, felt like I was walking through quicksand and had ZERO patience. My doctor put me on 50mg Prozac (half for the first week) about 3 weeks ago after my physical and I’m already starting to feel more ‘able’.
I’ve been on Buspar for about 2 years for OCD/anxiety and that’s been a game-changer. I’m also in gabapentin for nerve pain, which I understand also helps with anxiety.
Am I imagining that the Prozac is working already? I want to believe that I’ll continue feeling like this, but worried I’ve just been having a couple of good days. I haven’t had a ‘couple of good days’ since last August when all the bad stuff hit.
No side effects except some nausea the first couple of days. It feels too good to be true.

Hi all, Today I was prescribed Buspar 10mg 2x a day. This is my first time taking it. Most people I read starting at 2.5 or 5mg and work up to 10mg and so on. For context I’m 37 male 250lbs. I’m thinking maybe I should start a few days breaking the pills in half? What do y’all think? Thinking of starting tomorrow.

Hi all! I am 34 and female and I have been on lexapro since late 2021. I had crazy panic attacks constantly and the lexapro worked great. The beginning of last year, I was upped in dosage from 10mg to 20mg because I was feeling some panic. I am also on buspar 15mg which was adde about 3 months ago. I have been feeling great for the most part. Then about a week and a half ago, depression set in. I have never had depression as a part of my disorder. Life feels pointless and I feel I will end up alone. I have been reflecting on a narcissistic abusive relationship and missing it which I have not done in two years. I just want to go back to being happy and normal like I was 2 weeks ago. Any input on why this may be happening? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow.

Left this as a comment on another post but felt it deserves it's own post. If you have any specific questions about my experiences on these drugs let me know. Incidentally, if anyone wants to fill me in on their experiences with Latuda, I'd be very grateful!

Bipolar type 1. I'm on lithium, lamictal, and Latuda for my BP, Vyvanse for ADHD, propranolol for lithium tremors, trazodone for sleep. I've been on vraylar long term, just stopped it in hospital to switch to Latuda, and I've historically been on and used risperidone as needed for agitation. Zyprexa (olanzapine) was used in-patient to calm agitation and racing thoughts. I've always been 💯 med compliant.
Here's the thing: My bipolar got worse over the years. I went from NOS to Type 1. So said, every med I've tried and been on has helped in different ways at different times. There is no panacea. But each med I'm on does a different job and helps me manage in a different way.
Lithium and lamictal are my base mood stabilizers, Latuda is my current base antipsychotic, and everything else is on top of it to address other challenges with the disease or side effects from these meds. I'm extremely, extremely grateful for the medication I have access to and the amazing benefits I've seen in my life from them.
Researching my medications so I know what to ask for has been absolutely vital, and it's part of why I have made it to where I am now as... intactly as I have.
Lithium: It cuts the mania, and it helps my brain heal. It has been shown to have a neuroregenerative and neuroprotective effect. 10/10
Lamictal: It reduces and shortens the intensity and duration of episodes. 10/10
Vraylar (discontinued): It controlled agitation irritability. 10/10
Latuda (current): It's supposed to handle bipolar depression, but I have yet to reach a therapeutic dose, I think. More to come. ?/10
Risperidone (discontinued): It controlled agitation and anger very quickly, short half life, high risk of metabolic complications long term led to switching from daily med to as needed to discontinued. 8/10
Zyprexa (only as needed): Calms racing thoughts and agitation very quickly. Very high risk of metabolic complications long term, only used in case of breakthrough symptoms. 6/10 (due to side effect profile)
Trazodone: Sleep aid. Non addictive, non habit forming, very gentle, powerful sedative that vastly improved the quality of my sleep in hospital, so I asked to continue it outpatient. 10/10
Propranolol: A blood pressure medication that treats lithium tremors as well as regulate high blood pressure. 10/10
Honorable mentions:
Buspar. Didn't work for me. 1/10
Klonopin. Only ever as needed, very powerful and gentle anxiolytic (benzo, so be careful). 9/10
Vistaril/hydroxyzine. Very gentle and effective anti anxiety medication, strongly recommend for as needed anxiety. 10/10
Brain skittles are powerful, helpful, amazing drugs that you can and should avail yourself of, under medical supervision. Everything in my life is better since going on and staying on them, with adjustments as necessary under my doctor's guidance. Combinations are often necessary, which is not uncommon, but your medical team and you can figure that out. I'm meeting with my psych in a few weeks to adjust my Latuda dose if necessary, since I just started it in hospital.
Good luck! Hope this helps!

I have been on Buspar for a little over 3 months, most of the side effects have completely dissipated except for the brain zaps and dizziness. It takes about an hour for these feelings to subside. Does that feeling ever go away? I am currently on 7.5mg 2x daily, and take half a pill occasionally during high anxiety days.

I had a TBI a year and a half ago. Since then I've gone through a ton of therapy and spent a fortune on medical bills. I'm on a lot of meds to help with my mood. But recently I've had complaints at work related to what I'd describe as personality changes. My patience and ability to endure bullshit is much less than before the TBI. I got written up recently and I just lost it. I'm a grown man and I was sobbing in my car. So depressed. I went to a therapist because I really needed to talk to someone and I sobbed like a child to her. My doc prescribed ambilufy and I quit that after two days. My therapist warned against it and I see why. I was a zombie at only a half dose of 1mg. I also take wellbutrin and buspar for anxiety. Panic. I had migraines, but got botox and that helped a ton. Have neck pain and get nerve block injections for that. I'm just a mess.
But I've been at my job for 26 years and can't lose it. I've always had great reviews and make nice money. But seriously, this could affect my job. I have some colleagues who I feel have been just waiting for me to slip up somehow and now they have their moment to complain.
Honestly, I have a lawyer for the negligent act that caused the injuries, but I never imagined that my career could be impacted. I'm just hollow inside. I love my job.
I just need some feedback.

I’m not sure how to word all of this so I’ll do my best to start from the beginning. I think I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety that was manageable but now is a different story. I stayed home with my kids for 6 years (didn’t have to leave the house or drive much) but I was kept busy with them. Then they started school and I was home alone for a good 6 months and also had to drive more. In this time, we also moved to a different city 2 hours away from family which added to the driving anxiety. Then I lost my dad in that time frame to a car accident. I have always had really bad health anxiety when it comes to myself and my family. Once they started school, we were sick for months straight. I was completely convinced ear infections were brain tumors. Or would spread to our brain. Or fevers would lead to seizures. And then my dad dying really brought on a lot of health anxiety for myself. Then I had my first panic attack and that has now spiraled so bad. I think the health anxiety and the panic attacks are a never ending loop. Just completely convinced these panic attacks are going to kill me. So at my worst, I was panicking a lot, thought something was very wrong with me. A lot of intrusive thoughts. Nausea. Couldn’t eat. Lost a lot of weight. I pulled myself out of that by journaling, going on walks, reading, taking up a clay hobby. I’ve been in therapy for over a year. I’ve been on buspar since feb 2022 for the driving anxiety I had when we moved here. At one point, I was completely convinced the buspar gave me this panic problem. So I started coming off and tried Zoloft. Terrible side effects. I was panicking the whole 2 months I tried it. I also didn’t mention I have really bad medication anxiety. Like wouldn’t even take an entire Tylenol for a headache. Would break antibiotics in half. Anyway, sitting at home wasn’t good for me. I was having panic attacks, crying, on this Reddit sub all day, listening to podcasts, trying my best to learn about anxiety and what was happening to me and how to fix it. (I don’t recommend this). So I got a job. I thought getting out, being productive, socializing, having to drive every day etc would help this situation. I’m now over a month into my job and I’m back to having a lot of panic attacks. Sometimes more than one a day. A chest pain triggered this spiral. I know I probably need medication but I am terrified and have very little options according to the genesight test. How do y’all have time to play brain games with medication when you have a job and 2 small kids who depend on you? My chest is so sore from all the panic and I am absolutely exhausted by afternoon. I’m not completely convinced all the stress and anxiety won’t give me a heart attack. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I really needed to vent all this out. I think I just have terrible health anxiety that spans from mental health anxiety, bodily sensations, medication anxiety, etc. I appreciate any advice.

Any experiences with BuspaBuspirone?
So we know that those of us with bipolar can often have different or paradoxical reactions to certain medications and shouldn’t be prescribed them. For me, this has always included dextromethorphan (like in Mucinex DM), because it triggers hypomania/mixed states and raises serotonin levels.
What about BuspaBuspirone? I went through an extended period (roughly a year) where most of the time I was barely getting by, and often just surviving the worst of the depression, intense mixed states, and suicidal ideation. Before that, I’d never had such severe symptoms for longer than a week or two, and that happened very rarely. But for that year, which admittedly came on the heels of some very traumatic life stuff, it was intense the entire time. I had been prescribed Buspar to help as-needed not long before that period started. I was taking it pretty regularly for a year and a half.
I did work hard to pull myself up out of the psychological mire I was in, so I want to give myself credit for the amount of work I did. BUT…. Nothing changed drastically until I stopped taking the Buspar. After that, things took a rapid turn for the better. Suicidal ideation dropped to an extremely rare occurrence again (maybe once per year tops), cycles of depression and hypomania reduced intensity and frequency drastically, and I was able to move forward with my life again. Felt like a switch. I will never, ever take a medication like Buspar again. I’ve researched every way that Buspar acts on the body and mind and every medication similar to it.
Has anyone else had a bad reaction to it? Are bipolar patients supposed to stay away from it?