Problem description & analysis

We have a text file json.txt. Below is part of the data:
{"name":"abc1","age":20} {"name":"abc2","age":20} {"name":"abc3","age":20... {"name":"abc4","age":20} {"name":"abc5","age":20} …
Each row is a JSON string. Yet there is dirty data in the file, such as row 3. We are trying to remove the dirty data and export the rest of the data to a CSV file. Below is a part of the desired result:

name	age
abc1	20
abc2	20
abc4	20
abc5	20
…	…

Solution

Write the following script p1.dfx in esProc:

	A
1	=file("json.txt").cursor@si()
2	=A1.(json(~)).select(ifr(~) && ~.fno()==2)
3	=file("csv.csv").export@ct(A2)

Explanation:
A1 Create cursor for the text file and return it. Close the cursor after all data is scanned.
A2 Loop through A1’s cursor to convert each JSON string into a record, during which null will be returned if the braces cannot be matched (which is the dirty data), and then select records having two fields.
A3 Export A2’s result to csv.csv.
Read How to Call an SPL Script in Java to learn about the method of integrating the SPL script into Java.

So, pretty much what the title says. My ex (23M) and I (22F) split 8 days ago after a nasty argument. We dated for almost a year (10.5 months to be exact) and even though I wasn’t necessarily miserable I wasn’t exactly happy with him either. He wasn’t a bad guy, but he was really, really immature and simple minded, he never understood the complexity of my emotions or my trauma or anything that I went through and it was obvious from the start. Dude’s most traumatic memory was probably when his parents yelled at him.
He had no deep interests, we never really had any deep interesting conversations, which was a great issue for me. I’m someone that values intellect, I love having someone I could talk to just talking about anything and everything, I was felt like my brain was extremely understimuated with him. Still, I comprised, he was a sweet guy. But the longer we dated the more I realized how flawed he is. He had no emotional intelligence whatsoever, he also hated being confronted when he does anything wrong and would immediately jump on defense and escalate things into an argument.
As time went by I realized that talking about my feelings did more harm than good, and i surpassed my emotions and kept them to myself as much as I could, just to avoid causing any conflict. When we were physically together and intimate, it was perfect. We were so in love, my body loved him, I’ve never felt that comfortable with anyone before in bed. It was beautiful. But then when we’re home texting, it just feels so bleak.
Every time he did something wrong and I’d bring it up, he starts listing all the good things he’s done for me to “prove that he loves me and isn’t a bad guy” and just starts defending himself and shifting the blame, saying “all you do is mention the bad stuff, it’s like you forget all I do for you” and even sometimes mentioning all the money he spent on me (which by the way is not a lot, we never went on fancy dates, the most he’d pay for me is a drink or lunch, which is an insane thing to hold over someone’s head)
Sometimes if i say simple jokes or tease him he’d get really offended and take everything as a personal attack, and I’d have to spend the whole day apologizing. It was so exhausting. I couldn’t talk about my feelings, couldn’t make jokes, and had to think about every thing 200 times before I say it. He’d keep reminding me of the things he’s done for me, “i don’t hang out with my friends anymore since we dated for you” (I never asked him to do that), “I ditch my family on occasions for you and they gave me shit for it” (again, never asked for that), “I payed your ER bill that time because i love you, and it was the last bit of cash I had that month so I was broke for the rest of it” (seriously? I’m sorry I was sick..?) I told him that it bothers me so much when he does it, and he never stopped. Every argument, I’d hear about the never ending things he has done for me.
He wasn’t understanding at all, it’s my last semester in uni and I’m an engineering student, I’m under an insane amount of pressure with labs and courses and applying for internships and my grad project, along with dealing with some family issues, and yet if I wasn’t so happy and giddy all the time I was being a bad girlfriend and not giving him enough love. I just needed some support and patience. Every time I tell him anything about myself or my life it felt like he was hearing but not actually listening.. It felt so dismissive. He promised me a dozen of times that he’ll change and become better for me, but it was all words. I think now, that maybe that’s all he had to offer, maybe that was just his extent. Maybe he couldn’t do more because there’s deeper..
Last time we talked, he was complaining about a thing I said the day before, and even though it sounded harmless to me it greatly offended him, I apologized the night it happened and it still wasn’t enough, so I exploded. I told him about everything he does that makes me unhappy, I told him all the things he did that felt manipulative and all the times I felt exhausted and so conflicted on why I’m even in this relationship anymore. I told him I needed him to stop acting like a manchild and to start acting more logically and realize what he’s losing by pushing me away like this. And all that did was make him angry. He took it all as an attack and started to attack me back, he called me lots of vile things. He told me he doesn’t want advice from “someone as mentally ill as me” and that “I’m too insecure so how can I love him if I don’t even love myself” (these things had absolutely nothing to do with our conflict and he only said them with the intent to hurt me) then he started calling me toxic and negative and that I keep sucking the joy out of his life like a mosquito.
When I read those texts, I didn’t feel angry nor sad, I didn’t cry or insult him back or anything. I calmly ended things and just got off my phone and started at the wall in shock. I felt soo disrespected. I really felt something snap inside of me. Ever since then I’ve barely thought about him, and when I do I don’t feel anger or hurt, I only feel disappointment in myself for letting someone like him disrespect me this way.
Now I only feel relief, I always had this feeling that I deserved much better, that he will never be enough and that I need more, but I chose to ignore it for whatever reason. I’m glad he did what he did because now I see his true colors. And they’re so ugly. Just an insecure yet egotistical manchild that is so in love with himself that it’s all he can ever think about. There was no space for me in that relationship.
Sorry for the long read, I just needed to get this off my chest and I didn’t want to bother my friends with it anymore. :3

I 21F and my bf 21M have been together for a year. I found a polaroid in my bf’s wallet of him and his ex. A month prior the topic of the Polaroid had come up because he pulled it out of his wallet while trying to get out a card. I asked to see it and he said no because it was a group photo and one of the people in the photos was someone he used to talk to but he kept the photo because he had fond memories with said group. Which is fair for me because I don’t show him my ex so I don’t expect him to do the same. Anyways, today I got a bit curious and looked in his wallet and it wasn’t a group photo, rather a couple selfie with his ex. I want it to be clear that it’s not he has a picture with her but the fact he lied and made a backstory to it. To add further context, we’ve been having some issues and for the sake of getting objective advice, I will list a time line of events.
Feb- He was visiting me (we’ve been long distance until mid March) and I got this feeling to search his phone. So while he was sleeping or so as I thought, I went through his phone. I found that a month prior he had downloaded tinder and found messages between him and an ex stating that he missed her lips, both sets. He caught me going through his phone and he stated that he had downloaded tinder due to a email notification and he downloaded the app to see what it was about. I don’t believe that was the reason but for what it’s worth, he admitted that he did delete the account after about 30 mins, this is confirmed in his emails. The tinder conversation took up much of my energy so we didn’t talk about the texts. I do have to say, I acknowledge that I should’ve never went on his phone in the first place.
Over the next few weeks, I will have to say my behavior was immature and reeked of insecurity. I would go through his instagram following and if I saw that he liked pictures of women I deemed to be prettier than me, it would cause me to lash out rather than talking to him about it.
Late march- We had a talk about him feeling like he was having to prove himself to me after the incident. It was a genuine conversation and we both acknowledged how we might have hurt the other person. Although, he doesn’t view the tinder action as cheating because he never did anything with anyone. He acknowledged it was wrong, which is good enough for me.
April- I deactivated my instagram as I am working on becoming more secure in myself and it is a distraction from me studying for the LSAT. I finally found it in me to talk to him about the text messages I saw in February. I explained that I wasn’t mad because it occurred before we had our conversation about boundaries and he was heartfelt in his apology.
May (current month): I do want to add that through this, he has been dealing with moving across the country for a new job, post grad anxieties and family issues (I will not delve into but all I can say is it is enough to make someone cut ties with family). Even though I had shown clear progress in communicating and being more sure of myself and our relationship, he still feels, rightfully so that I needs time alone to adjust to his new environment, as I had basically spent the night the past two weeks. He told me that he had went through my phone and found a note I had written in a moment of anger stating that although I forgave him, if he cheated again, I’d simply cheat back and exit the relationship quickly. In the notes app entry I also wrote that I believe he needs validation from women. Btw I did not cheat, he knows this but what hurt him was me saying I would. It made him feel like I didn’t trust him. I will admit that I was hurt that he viewed me coming over as me being afraid to leave him alone but given the record of a few months prior, I understood and we agreed to me coming over less. I am still adjusting to this new arrangement but he makes a concerted effort by FaceTiming on the days we don’t see each other. Friday night after our FaceTime, he sent me the following text: “Wanted to say this on the phone but I installed hinge (primarily to help me decide if it’s a validation/interest issue, I wasn’t really interested and felt guilty so figured it’s best to work on us fully that’s when I sent u the message, I deleted it bck but I think you should know) I’m sorry.” I acknowledged his apology and thanked him from being upfront. Back to the Polaroid, how to bring up the issue without him interpreting it as me being insecure? tl;dr my bf lied about what a picture contained and I found out by going though his wallet. After months of conversation about my lack of trust in him. How do I bring up the issue?

A girl [15f] manipulated me [15m], into getting her pregnant.
I am really freaking out right now and have also thought of ending it all.
3 months ago, a girl [15f] approached me [15m] and we quickly became friends, and would talk with each other all day round in classes. We never met each other outside of classes, and she rarely uses and social media or texting apps in general.
A week ago, she told me that she was luckily invited to a party hosted by the seniors who are graduating soon; and wanted to accompany her. I accepted her invite since this would be our first time meeting outside of school and frankly speaking I had developed some feelings for her by then.
Its the middle of the night, and both of us sneaked out of our houses and went together to the party. We had 2 bottle of alcoholic beers and then were denied by the host due to our age: so angrily both of us went outside to breath in some fresh air. On our way, she asked me to wait a bit outside so she can go to the restroom. I then waited outside the door, and then she emmerged with two plastic glasses of a liquid of some sort which she said was "Kool-aid". We drank together, and then my head started hurting and the last thing I remember was both of us running. When I woke up a couple hours later, I was half naked and was on ground in the woods. I then realised she was sleeping right next to me fully naked. I woke her up and she acted surprised and freaked out. She said we had sex, and we just had to accept each other as a couple and move on. I didn't say anything out of embarresment and ran home, I was yelled at a lot by my parents for staying out all night and also for my torn,dirty and smelly clothes.
I was happy a bit, that I finally lost my virginity to a girl I liked a lot.
3 days go by, and she comes to my house, into my room and started crying; showing me the pregnancy test and saying that she is pregnant. My head started hurting a lot, and I shed a few tears all while looking dead. She asks me again and again on what to do, and doesnt want to get an abortion cuz of her traditional family. I tell her that we have plenty of time to think and if she ever feels tensed then to just meet me.
Yesterday, her best friend meets me during recess and tells me that, [15f] had planned all this out; to manipulate me into making her preg so I have no choice but to be with her for the rest of her life. I ofcourse called this bs but then she showed me the voice recording of that girl admitting all while laughing calling herself a "genius". The best friend asked me to please not tell the girl about that recording. I was heartbroken
The girl has called me about 20 times by now, buy i have been avoiding her.
Guys what should i do? I am in literal tears.

I have a list of lines I'm trying to generate, all one sentence each, and I'm using a cloned voice (not pro) and can get super realistic results if I do one line at a time. There are over 100.
If I do even 3 or 4 the quality starts to go down, and if I do 10 or more I get a ton of weird inflections and artifacts.
Is there any secret to doing a lot of lines of text or do I need to just do one at a time? Just asking!

Sorry for all the text (I know some people don't like it), but it's a very specific question that needs explanation.

Here are a few things to consider when using information from other books in your own writing:

> 1- Cite your sources: It is important to properly attribute the sources of the information you are using in your book. This typically involves including in-text citations and a list of references at the end of your book. > 2 - Use your own words: While it is okay to use information from other sources, you should avoid copying the text verbatim. Instead, use your own words to summarize or paraphrase the information you are using. > 3- Obtain permission: If you are planning to use a significant amount of text or other materials from another book, it may be necessary to obtain permission from the copyright holder. This can typically be done by contacting the author or publisher and requesting permission to use the materials. 

About the 3rd one (obtain permission), if I want to write about an author's ideias (from his non-fictional book), do I need permission to do it? Obs: considering that I will make a very detailed explanation about all his theories and probably all that will make the bulk of the text (probably more than my opnion and own examples & analogies).
Now, expanding all that. If I want to explain not one, but many author's theories (including author's explanations about other classical authors), also giving my opnion/examples/analogies about them, can I do it? Do I need permission?
I'm questioning all this because I believe that others author's ideas and explanations would be the bulk of my text, much more than my own opinions/explanations.

Hello all, I am completely open to any criticisms because I don’t know what to do but please be nice.
I am a 17 year old girl going into my senior year of high school. Obviously, it’s a big year for me as graduation is coming up and I am very excited. I am in the top 5% of my grade and I have worked super hard to ensure that I can get almost all of my college payed for when I leave. Graduation is a huge milestone for me and I want it to be special for me.
Enter my mom. Ever since I was born she always looks for way to spend less and less money. I would get clothes from family members and if I ever wanted anything, whether it be a new toy, gaming console, etc., it would always have to be a hand me down or refurbished or whatever. I don’t believe I am spoiled. I understand that money is tight and the current state of the economy and all that makes everything expensive. But sometimes I just wish I got something new and not have to worry about the cost or get clothes or items and have stuff that someone else has worn/used.
Today I went downstairs and my mom showed me the gown she got for my twin sister. I was very confused as summer is just about to start and gown and cap sales don’t start until the school year does. She tells me that she bought that one from a parent whose kid graduated this year and she’s looking for my size now. I got very frustrated and went upstairs to think about what I wanted to do. I don’t know why this matters to me so much but it does. The thought of wearing a cap and gown that someone already walked across the stage with when I’ve worked so hard to become as successful as I am really frustrated me, and I dunno I just want to get a new gown that no one has touched.
I later texted her when I had a calm head and told her that I wanted a new gown for graduation and I’ll pay for whatever she doesn’t want to. She got mad at me and told me senior year is already too expensive and getting a used gown saves money and there’s no difference. I started to get frustrated again and listed out my reasons for wanting a new one but she just dismissed them and told me that she’s sorry I don’t agree with her but I will be getting a used gown. I honestly got really mad and told her then I’ll buy the gown myself and she doesn’t have to worry about it but she still was adamant about it, saying I have to save money for college and other expenses. I have a job and make plenty of money to cover anything thrown my way, plus my parents owe me $1750 bucks anyways. I just kinda ended the convo there after telling her that scholarships can cover my tuition and stuff.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure if I’m in the right and I think I may be acting like a spoiled brat but this really does matter to me and I wish she considered how I felt. So, AITA?

my friend (18 f) has been sending me (18 f) mixed signals since fall last year and it dont really know what to make of it. for context, ive been and out lesbian since middle school and i met this girl at the beginning of junior year through one of my childhood friends. I sat with my childhood friend and her friend group for lunch because she offered and i didnt have anyone else to sit with. throughout the year i got close to all of them and they ended up being my main friend group that year and me and this one girl especially got close. we just really hit it off and were really good friends. that summer i had this group over a couple of times and we hung out a bunch. my timeline of all the important events to the story are kinda janky but im gonna do my best to them in order. summer rolls around and everything is fine, me and this girl get even more close and were basically texting everyday about random stuff, just being friends. it isnt until senior year started that everything started being weird. when i got my schedule for the year i realized i had none of my friends in any classes, i didnt know anyone so i didnt see that group during the day but we all talked and stuff outside of school. she held a halloween party every year and i went, me her and my childhood friend went to a pumpkin patch, normal stuff. some time passes and one night in novemeber we get to texting. we had been doing this thing for a few weeks where shed ask me for a movie recommendation and live text me as she watched it. so were watching the movie and texting and somehow the conversation took a turn to the topic of relationships. she was just venting to me about all her insecurities and fears when it comes to talking to people and i was offering m support, me and my friends vent to each other all the time so it was pretty normal. she had identified as bi for as long as id known her but had beeing talking about how she thought she was only attracted to men and that all the girls shed either liked or pursued she envied or was jealous of in some capacity. i told her i totally understood and was offering as much support as i could having very similar experiences with me. as the convo went on i started giving more input not wanting to seem uninterested to i started telling her some of the things im insecure about in relationships (i have zero experience when it comes to this stuff, ive never even talked to a girl before but i still have my issues) and everytime i listed one, she would say something like 'but i like that in a person'. the first time i didnt think much of it but it became a pattern after the next 5 times and soon after that she sent the message 'if only you were a boy or i liked girls'. i think its self explanatory as to why thats shitty but it didnt really bother me in the moment, i thought it was weird but i dont think it had hit me. soon after that night, wed gone to my childhood friends birthday party and everything was fine. the next weekend she asked me to go to six flags with her, and the way she worded it made it sound like it was gonna be a group thing but it ended up being just us. it was a pretty normal hangout, i mean there was an appropriate amount of awkwardness but we both just really enjoyed each others company. i went to the school musical to see her and a couple of my other friends about a month after that but she gradually stopped texting and i stopped texting first and we didnt talk from january to march after that. then after two months of no communiction, she invited me to her birthday pool party. now forgive me if im reading too far into this, but seeing someone for the first time in months while youre all half naked is kinda weird, no? anyways i go to the party and its very awkward. i hadnt seen anyone all year especially her and i just tried to make the best of the situation. that night we had our first convo since our 'hiatus' and i ended up watching a movie she reccommended. few days after that, we started talking semi regualry again and i told her i missed talking to her because i did and we just kinda caught each other up on stuff that had happened since we last talked. we went to another party for another one of our friends and stayed up to listen to the new taylor swift album together but its evident we arent as close or as comfortable as we used to be. prom rolls around and she makes dinner reservations for our group, one of our friends gets a last minute date and she makes a big deal over adding him so late bc it was a hassle but added someone upon my request immediately. prom night she also avoided eye contact with me a bit at dinner and i didnt see her a whole lot at the dance itself. the last few songs i was with her and a couple of our other friends singing and dancing (she wouldnt make eyecontact with me at all while we were btw) and to my surprise, when all walked off and one of the last slow dances started she asked me to dance. i said yes because why not, its prom and we danced. it wasnt anything weird or awkward, it was actually really nice. after the dance, our whole big group went and hungout at her house after and she didnt really acknowledge me. like usually when shes avoiding me i can tell, but she just didnt even acknowldge my existence really. its the day after, prom was last night and i don't really know how to feel. i guess im just askinf for advice on what to make of this or whether i should ask her about any of this? i dont really know.

My in laws repeatedly violate our boundaries with our child. I’m so sick of it. I just need to vent. We gave them a list of rules months before he was born and again before we came home from the hospital and immediately after we get home they text my husband bitching about the no photos on social media rule. Okay whatever, they were just excited. Then when he was about two months old, they gave him Covid, lied about being exposed to Covid, and tried to visit us again without telling us they were around a Covid positive person. Now today, my baby is six months old. My MIL has never held him, I have severe PPA and passing the baby is not my jam. They’re not even here for ten minutes and my mil asks to hold my fussy baby twice. My husband is outside with his dad. I say no both times, she says “well sometime…” in a snarky and demeaning tone. I said “I don’t appreciate being talked to like that” and she goes “I don’t appreciate him being six months old and never holding him”. I told if that’s how she felt, she could leave my home.
Husband walks in right when I tell her she leave, I go to the bedroom with baby and he lights into his mom. She eventually apologizes, i play nice and let her hold him since they drove two hours here.
Fast forward to tonight… we find out they were just having dinner with someone one Friday who got back from traveling around Africa not even two weeks ago and never told us. Hubby told them that was not okay and we should have been informed etc because we have a baby. They fail to see why they’re wrong.
Hubby is going to talk to his dad tomorrow but I’m so angry. I know it’s unlikely my baby will get sick from this but I’m freaked out and can’t understand why they can’t respect us or our boundaries ever.
There was so much of this before baby too. I’m at the end of my rope and so is hubby.

Hi- need serious advice. I know this is a novel, I’m so sorry but I would appreciate anyone who reads it. I’m a 20 yr old F and I live with my brother, 19 M, and my two parents. My parents are abusive. There is no way to get around it. Physically when I was young and mentally now. I can’t describe what they put me through now- it’s awful. I promised myself all throughout high school I would leave the moment I turned 18 but something kind of switched and they became more tolerable, almost nicer, so like a fucking idiot I stayed. I started my bachelors, started working and tried to convince myself it was alright. The other reason I stayed was for my brother. I’ve taken care of him my whole life. I didn’t have any other choice, and I didn’t think I wanted one. It was my duty to take care of him and I did my job as best as I could only being 11 months older. I have gotten in the middle of fights, taken beatings, punishments, paid for him, drove him, etc. Time and money I didn’t have to spare spent on him with no repayment, and I’m talking about he wanted a new $60 game so I asked him to help me while I cleaned my room (vacuuming, taking down dirty clothes, wiping down my fan). This has been going on for years. I was the one to complete his college essay, to call his advisors to get his transcripts, to do his homework, otherwise my ass was on the line with my parents. I have done everything I could for him. Plus, he didn’t even get into college because I told him he had to complete his 200 word prompt for his college application, leading him not to get accepted because he didn’t fucking do it. He’s in his first year while I’m almost in my fourth. I have had jobs for the last 3 years in my field while he has done nothing. I begged my parents for a car and drivers license for 2 1/2 years while he, at 19, only got his 4 months ago. He does the bare minimum. Less than that, actually. The night before fall semester started he got into a fight with my father, physically, left the house, and made me go looking for him and try to convince him to go back home until 5am. To say my semester was fucked after that is an understatement. It’s constant but I stay because I’m his sister. It’s my job. It’s also a cultural thing I guess. I know I’m venting but I’m getting to the point I promise. A month ago I asked him to help me clean my room so that I could study since he has a habit of fucking his room up, coming and staying in my room, taking up my bed, and asking me to buy him food. I had just returned from the library, brought him Taco Bell, and wanted to clean a bit before continuing to study for my final the next day. To be clear, if I didn’t pass this class I wouldn’t be on track to graduate or get into my optometry program. He said he didn’t want to help and bitched and moaned but when I pointed out that I had gone out of my way to get Taco Bell for him he agreed to aid. I asked him to just bring up some cleaning stuff and take down my clothes so I could have them clean for work and he left. After an hour or so of waiting for him (yes I was procrastinating and purposely didn’t ask why he was taking so long) I heard him come upstairs with a plate full of sandwiches and go into his room. I was pissed. I started to text him, angrily and cursing I’ll admit, about him not doing shit and being so annoying. I called him a bum for never following on his promises or doing absolutely fucking anything. He started texting in all caps not to call him that otherwise he swore to god I would regret it, and I, being the person that I am (a fucking idiot) called him it again. He rushed out of his room, kicked open my door and threw his phone at me as hard as he could and left me with a bruise. He started standing over me, threatening me, saying shit like he was going to throw me done the stairs, snap my neck, etc. I’ve seen him get that way before- he smashes shit to pieces, breaks anything in his sight, and generally destroys things. For some context he’s a big guy, almost 300lb and used to be able to deadlift 500+lb. I got scared, saw a knife on my counter from dishes I had yet to clean, and pulled it on him. He slowly backed off and went to his room, before I, again, a fucking idiot, called him a bum again. A stupid decision, I know, I would definitely be the bitch that got knifed in a movie and you’d cheer for her death. This time I closed the door before he could come in, he tried to break down the door while I was on the other side, and in response he smashed something made of glass on the other side and punched a hole in my door. I contacted my dad who was far away and he sent my mother home. My mother and I haven’t spoken to each other in a few months since she called me a burden for asking her to help me get my work clothes ready for the week. She came in, spoke to my brother I guess, then came in and spoke to me. She said it was unbelievable and she didn’t know what to say and when I explained what happened and then told me to study for my test. She also went back to talk to him and came back to talk with me, asking me if I pulled a knife on him, which I admitted to, only because I was seriously afraid of him pushing me down the stairs or knocking me out. After that I locked the door and when texting my parents about the situation they only told me not to worry about it, just study. I couldn’t, and I swear to god I tried, all night. I was scared and I think in shock. I got to the lecture hall early and tried to study there but that didn’t help either. I had done alright in the class, done very well in the lab, but knew I bombed the final. I went home and didn’t speak to anyone at home for days. After about 3 days I went downstairs and saw my dad who tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. I explained how insane and irrational the entire situation was and how I wanted to move out. I couldn’t handle dealing with all of their shit, and if I was the problem like they said I was then I would be fixing that too. I have a very important board exam this summer that I also have to take to get into optometry school and I proposed that I would live on campus, only for the summer. He refused, angrily saying that it wasn’t me place to move out, that he would never support me, and that if that’s what I wanted to do I could get the fuck out right now. A few things- I pay partially for my school. I don’t make much but I put a lot of what I do have toward school and the rest towards little things for me and my brother. Secondly, almost every single thing within my bedroom I have paid for. Excluding the mattress, furniture, and my phone, I have paid for everything I need or want through hard work. Thirdly, both my parents are currently unemployed but wealthy. Wealthy enough that they can go on vacations, pay for four cars, go out with their friends, and pay for their son’s tuition with no hassle. It’s only mine that poses a problem, which is the reason they let me work. They attempt to dictate how I should spend my money constantly. The argument went on for an hour, him accusing me of failing because I chose to, him proposing that he get a lock for my door, telling me I could move into the basement, etc. When my father refused to budge I went upstairs, used a loc that I had bought for when your staying at a hotel to barricade the door and have not spoken to him since. It has been a month now and I have not spoke to anyone in person, though my mother has been trying to guilt me into making me give up my refrigerator in my room by telling me my grandfather is in hospice, there will be a funeral soon, and me having that fridge is making me too fat to be presentable, as well as trying to be nice and hugging me when I have to leave for work in the morning. Now, with all of that context, here’s what’s going on. Since the entire incident happened I have been trying to figure out a way to leave. I have looked into campus housing but it’s an additional $7000 per semester that I don’t think I can afford even if I take out student loans and do FAFSA. I’m scared of the position. It’ll put me in when it comes to going to school. I do have another choice though. I recently toured an apartment complex that is beautiful it’s my dream place and the rent is less than $1500 a month. The only problem is that I only currently make being part time 12 to 1300 a month I just got a raise to $18 an hour but even then that’s not gonna be enough to cover it if I’m going to school at the same time, I’ve looked into some options and FAFSA and loans wouldn’t be able to cover any of my housing outside of living on campus. The only problem with living on campus is I can’t make the morning drive less than an hour and a half to work and I’m afraid with how it all affect my schedule and will to study. I was honestly giving up the idea of moving out at all because it seems so impractical and there was no way that I could actually leave and take my stuff with me without a fight. However, I recently learned that my parents tomorrow are leaving on a five day vacation to Vegas with Little to no thought of how that affects me and the position that I’m in with my brother, if I can figure out a way to somehow be able to afford the rent for this place afford a car to get to work because we have really bad public transportation in my area then I think I would just drop out of school and go. I love optometry more than anything and that’s why I was willing to deal with all of this but maybe school just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t want to give it up but I don’t think that I’ll make it out of here alive, in all honesty. I can’t keep up with everything it’s ruining my life and I’m only 20 years old. But it’s so scary that I don’t know if I can even take the steps to moving out. I just paid tuition for the spring summer semester and have only $500 to my name. I would need to take out a loan to be able to put down the down payment for the car and the apartment and what if I don’t get approved? What if my work doesn’t give me full-time? what am I gonna do then? I don’t have anybody in my life that could help me. I also have a big family that would all be on their side and agree with them and what if I leave and they come back and cause a scene that causes me to lose my job? They would 100% do that. I know for some people it’s a no brainer but put yourself in my shoes. I have no money, family, friends, or support. At least here I have car and my room and sometimes they’re tolerable. I would only have to do it for 1-2(?) more years. On the other hand, this place is destroying me. I hate who I am becoming because of it. Would it be worth giving up my future for getting my dreams or moving out? If you read all of this you’re amazing, thank you so much. I can only stare at a pros and cons list for so long 🙃

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans, as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
[ First / Previous ]

This is a list of rappers (including DJs and some important executives) sorted by year of birth. I tried to include as many notable ones as I could. Reason I did this was because it was very interesting to see some of the age differences between rappers that I didn't expect. Chose to do up to '90 so as not to include younger or up-and-coming artists but the 'established' ones. Anyway here it is and enjoy:
1955: DJ Kool Herc
1956: Big Bank Hank
1957: Afrika Bambaataa, Russell Simmons, Wonder Mike
1958: Grandmaster Flash, Ice-T, Jimmy Spicer
1959: Flavor Flav, Kurtis Blow
1960: Chuck D, Grandmaster Caz
1961: DJ Yella, Grandmaster Melle Mel, Guru
1962: Kool Moe Dee, Lady B, MC Hammer, Schoolly D, Sha-Rock
1963: Coolio, Eric B, Kool Keith, Rick Rubin, Shock G, Sir Mix-A-Lot
1964: Adam Yauch, Biz Markie, DJ Run, DMC, Eazy-E, Jalil Hutchins, Jaz-O, John Fletcher, Pepa
1965: Arabian Prince, Benzino, Dr. Dre, Jam Master Jay, KRS One, Mike D, Sen Dog, Slick Rick, Suge Knight
1966: Ad Rock, Bushwick Bill, Dan the Automator, DJ Premier, GZA, Salt, Too Short, Willie D
1967: E-40, Heavy D, Master P, Tim Dog, Vanilla Ice, Young MC
1968: Big Daddy Kane, Black Rob, Funkmaster Flex, Kool G Rap, LL Cool J, Lord Jamar, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Rakim, The D.O.C., Trugoy the Dove, Will Smith
1969: Baby Bash, Birdman, Brotha Lynch Hung, Everlast, Ice Cube, Jay-Z, Masta Killa, MC Ren, Nate Dogg, P. Diddy, Pos, RZA, Tone, Wyclef Jean
1970: B-Real, Bret Epic Mazur, Craig Mack, DMX, Fat Joe, Fred Durst, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, MC Lyte, Phife Dawg, Poke, Q-Tip, Queen Latifah, Raekwon, Redman, Scarface, Treach, U-God, Warren G, Zack de la Rocha
1971: 2pac, Big Pun, Black Thought, Fatman Scoop, Kid Rock, Method Man, MF Doom, Missy Elliot, Questlove, Snoop Dogg, Tech N9ne, Yo-Yo
1972: 8Ball, AZ, Busta Rhymes, Common, Del the Funky Homosapien, Eminem, Kurupt, Lil Jon, Pras, Sean Price, Slug, The Notorious BIG, Violent J
1973: Akon, Bun B, Hussein Fatal, Krayzie Bone, Madlib, Nas, Pharrell Williams, Pimp C, Project Pat, Proof, Ras Kass, Twista, Yasiin Bey/Mos Def
1974: apl.de.ap, Beanie Sigel, Big L, Canibus, Chad Hugo, Cuban Link, Da Brat, Havoc, Lil' Kim, Nelly, Prodigy, R.A. the Rugged Man, Shaggy 2 Dope, Shifty Shellshock, Styles P, Xzibit
1975: 50 Cent, Andre 3000, Big Boi, DJ Khaled, El-P, Jadakiss, Juicy J, Juvenile, Killer Mike, Lauryn Hill, Mase, Redfoo, Skee-Lo, Talib Kweli, will.i.am
1976: Aesop Rock, Bizzare, Bizzy Bone, Cam'ron, Ja Rule, Jay Electronica, Jean Grae, Jim Jones, Rick Ross
1977: 2 Chainz, Brother Ali, Fabolous, Jeezy, Kanye West, Ludacris, Mike Shinoda, N.O.R.E., Obie Trice, Pusha T, Royce Da 5'9", Saigon, Soulja Slim, Vinnie Paz, Yaki Kadafi, Z-Ro
1978: Eve, Foxy Brown, Freeway, Immortal Technique, Mac Daddy, Max B, Memphis Bleek, Murs, Roc Marciano, Swizz Beatz, Tony Yayo
1979: Chamillionaire, Daddy Mac, Flo Rida, Gunplay, The Game, Yelawolf
1980: Chingy, Gucci Mane, Joe Budden, Nick Cannon, Remy Ma, Slim Thug, T.I.
1981: Curren$y, Danny Brown, Eyedea, Lil' Flip, Mike Jones, Paul Wall, Pitbull, Yo Gotti, Young Buck
1982: Boosie Badazz, Cassidy, Freddie Gibbs, Lil Wayne, Lloyd Banks, Lupe Fiasco, Nicki Minaj, Ty Dolla Sign
1983: Charlie Clips, Childish Gambino, Chinx, Future, Macklemore
1984: Benny the Butcher, BJ the Chicago Kid, Dizaster, French Montana, Hollow da Don, Kid Cudi, Loaded Lux, Wale
1985: J. Cole, Nipsey Hussle, Webbie
1986: Anderson .Paak, Arsonal, Big K.R.I.T., Drake, Dumbfoundead, Kevin Gates, Kid Ink, Schoolboy Q, Sky Blu, Waka Flocka Flame
1987: Ab-Soul, Justina Valentine, Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill, Mozzy, Wiz Khalifa
1988: ASAP Rocky, Awkwafina, Big Sean, B.o.B, Dave East, Hitman Holla
1989: Conceited, G-Eazy, Lil B, Nav, Scrim, Tyga
1990: Iggy Azalea, Logic, Machine Gun Kelly, Sean Kingston, Soulja Boy, YG

https://postimg.cc/gallery/vBrqpjf
For more details text me on reddit or Discord me : wavecoc
In addition to this account I've other accounts as well, of all townhall levels and rare accounts and ranked accounts as well, if you want anything specific direct messge me with your budget and requirements: 👉🏻Few of the accounts I've available right now are listed in my discord shop link is in the bio of my reddit profile
👉🏻Services like paid hits/walls farming/ selling of clan capital gold is available as well
FAQ'S
IS IT SAFE TO BUY ACCOUNTS FROM ME? you can check below posts for my vouch from the people who have already purchased from me, and refer to them I've currently 400+ vouches
❤️First post https://www.reddit.com/useMysterious-Fudge-173/comments/smul1a/feedbacks_and_rep_for_deals_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button ❤️Second post https://www.reddit.com/useMysterious-Fudge-173/comments/wj2mvq/hello_all_this_post_is_reputation_thread_if_youve/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button ❤️ Third post https://www.reddit.com/useMysterious-Fudge-173/comments/10uijz3rd_post_for_vouches_and_feedbacks/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
❤️ 4th post https://www.reddit.comMysterious-Fudge-173/s/waAjtGSwaO

• All accounts are safe and secured and if any issue arises from my side then i will solve it as soon as possible else will give you a similar account as replacement. Don't worry, chances of issues in my account is very less.
• Account will be completely yours after purchase and no one else except you would have access to it
• once you buy I will remove access from my device so its only you who have acess to the account!

"Thanks for reading have a good day"

Two species, both alike in advancement,
Spanning the vast emptiness of black space;
Expanding borders create encroachment,
Interstellar ships brings foes face to face.
Whence from their cradles the worlds issue forth
A vast pair of exploratory fleets,
Whose collisions do readily transport
A balanced wave of death whence they shall meet.
Cultural ignorance breeds the great hate,
Foreign ideas permeate all the norms,
Whereas pastimes do, the soldiers lives abate,
These trinkets have the power to transform.
That which matters not to one may save all
For its meaning may be hard to recall
false significance plastered on the wall
May yet bring peace and prosperity all.
—-------------------
The klaxons shattered the silence of the station, blaring through all of the corridors and reverberating off the bulkheads. The cacophony of sounds, as the entire crew leapt from their bunks and quickly grabbed their most prized, or irreplaceable, possessions, grew in intensity as the red lights flared in an oscillating sequence.
The crew were halfway through packing before the klaxons were punctuated by instructions: “All hands, prepare to abandon station. M’quezniok Battle Cruiser is inbound. Repeat: M’quezniok Battle Cruiser inbound. Take only what you must and make your way to the nearest escape craft.”
The drills had been effective. All hands of the terraforming station were accounted for in the various slipstream escape craft within 7 minutes of the initial detection of the inbound warship.
All possessions were secured within another 3 minutes and the small fleet of vessels were free of the atmosphere 5 minutes later. In formation they slid silently through the blackness and away from the approaching insatiable appetite of conquest.
27 hours later, the twinkling effect began at the bow of each vessel as they pierced the veil of reality and speared their way into the void between the planck lengths of spacetime.
Earth Command received them a mere 49 hours, 29 minutes, and 37 seconds after the last of the escape craft abandoned the terraforming station.
The station became another dot on the map of conquest of the M’quezniok, a line that seems to be expanding in all directions away from their homeworld much faster than the humans can build up and sort of defensive perimeter.
The M’quezniok culture lacks subtlety and nuance; it lacks empathy. It only has room for measurable strength and their measure lies in whether or not property can be taken and held. If it can, it belongs to whomever can do so… and that someone, in their eyes, should always be them. They have no mercy and eradicate all citizens of colonies that they conquer. They raze every building that cannot be readily adapted to their purposes. They devour any animals that they cannot use for brute force. They are ruthless and their culture lies entirely in the glory of the expansion of their empire, in an unsustainable need for personal edification for each military commander.
—--
The ground forces commander entered the station ahead of her troops. There were no humans here. They fled like the cowards they were, well in advance of the arrival of her ship. There was no honorable conquest to be had at this location, just the claiming of an abandoned complex. As such, since there were no spoils of individual combat for any of her crew to claim, the entire base was hers for the first-taking. None of her crew dared touch anything in a way that might suggest an interest in it for, the appearance for claiming spoils out of turn could result in punishments far greater than any rewards to be found here.
The Commander walked through the terraforming station, going through bunk after bunk, finding nothing of value and even less of military value. There were no secrets here. There were no riches here. There were… clothes, little trinkets, manuals for the equipment, nasty human food. The commander was greatly disappointed in the raid but, in order for her crew to split the meager offerings that were present, she had to take SOMETHING. So she chose a box on the floor at her feet. This room, like all the others, was a no-frills crew bunk. Like the others there was nothing of apparent value in it. So, she took the box and declared that it was the entirety of her prize. The crew cheered and vanished into the station, each one searching for anything that they might deem of value for their own trophies.
The Commander took the box and returned to her quarters where she opened it to see what personal secrets it may have, what stories of the former crew member who fled the station like a coward at her approach. She found, much to her shock and utter amazement, a vast collection of tales of superior warriors. Brave individuals who, in the times of greatest need for the human civilization, had risen to the challenges within their own society to defeat the misguided evils that sought to undermine the human way of life as it existed then and as she knew it to exist now. These stories, laid out in a bizarre format that seemed to mix a form of graphic depictions alongside the human language as text, reminded the Commander of many struggles within her own empire’s history; times when it took massive competing armies to determine which philosophy should rule their future; times when the death tolls where high and the waste of resources on putting down rebellions was tremendous. The Commander reviewed these documents left behind by the unknown crew member of the human terraforming station and pondered where these great heroes of humanity were, if not already devastating the front lines of M’quezniok fleet.
That’s when it occurred to her. The humans were giving the M’quezniok a chance to prove themselve worthy of living. They were giving the M’quezniok an opportunity to stop their conquest against the humans on their own before they unleashed their most powerful military forces. The Commander, stunned by her realization, dropped the volume of deeds and turned to her communications terminal.
“We have made a grave mistake in violating human space” she began her message. “I have uncovered a volume of histories which outline the capacity that humans have when situations exceed their tolerance. I have uncovered this box, quite by accident, as an item of abandoned loot in my most recent raid. Please review the contents, as I have put them into the end of the this transmission. Consider that all we know of humans through direct contacts is corroborated in these volumes: they always try to allow those who have wronged them to change their ways and, only when those ways are not changed, does it appear that they will unleash tremendous force to utterly defeat and destroy their foes. Note, in sample 17, that the humans in the story, after being unable to reach a peaceful accord with their opponents, wiped and entire sentient race from the cosmos to end the conflict with them. Note in samples 3, 9, and 47, that they have the mind to develop weapons that can be silently deployed among their enemies and which will only affect their enemies, causing them to die of disease whether the battle reaches them or not. Note that, in samples 5, 9, and 62, that the humans have a history of boarding enemy vessels in small numbers and converting the vessels themselves into weapons to destroy huge components of the enemy fleet. Most importantly, in all of the above examples, note that humans will often sacrifice themselves without promise of lasting glory or honor or riches to merely inflict harm on their opponents. There is no methodology of these tales that makes sense in our culture and that, we should all agree, makes the humans infinitely more dangerous than we previously expected. More than all of the previous, note that the humans have the capacity, when needed, to reveal their strongest military assets; single individuals who carry the power of an entire legion of our finest soldiers. Single fighters who can destroy warships without any equipment or weaponry. Single individuals who, according to these volumes, have the ability to turn our very minds against us if we face them in battle. As you are all aware, it has appeared that the humans have given up all efforts to defend themselves against us and the war is, essentially, over. There is no more honor or glory to be found in fighting humans. We arrive, they retreat. We arrive, they abandon what they have built. We arrive, and they fall back, taking all of their observations of us with them. As you can see from volumes 1, 6, 19, 33, 42, 54, 68, 71, and 98, this is when their greatest warriors emerge. It is my tactical advice that the abandonment of this specific box of intelligence on human culture was left as a final warning to us; a warning that, should we continue our actions against them, we will pay the consequences as they unleash their greatest technology and soldiers against us. If you agree, order all Conquestors to halt their advancement and return to the edge of our space.
—----
Humanity Space Command received the transmission. The statement of complete cessation of M’quezniok incursions and a promise that the last 79 encounters, in which humans had abandoned the facilities before the M’quezniok could even arrive to start fighting, would be surrendered peacefully, and permanently, back to human control.
The message indicated that the worlds conquered by force would be the new, permanent, boundary between the two empires and that humanity need not fear for any future incursions. The message also outlined that, should humanity absolutely require it so as to not unleash their greatest warriors in retribution, a list of worlds could be presented as negotiable assets that could be returned.
Human Space Command was baffled. Astounded, pleased, elated, even… but more than anything else, baffled. The best humanity had been able to offer was defeated in every dispute against the M’quezniok. Their individuals were faster, stronger, and harder to kill than humans. Their weapons were more powerful. Their defensive technology vastly outclassed anything humanity could throw at them. Their declaration of cessation simply made no sense and their outlines that they wished to avoid humanity unleashing their greatest warriors and technology as retribution made even less sense. But the top brass of HSC was not about to continue a war in which humanity had no hope of winning when the opposition declared they were done.
The HSC’s final conference on the subject, prior to transmitting the acceptance of the M’quezniok’s declaration, ended with a compound question: “who is this Lois Lane and why do they want her to be the liaison should we have to open negotiations?”

TLDR - My best friend makes me feel not enough constantly despite me trying for years and even at my full max capacity, its not enough and my growth feels stifled. She gets angry at me so easily for not being open but herself is conditional with her love. But she does put in effort from her side so I feel guilty for slowly not caring and now im defeated. I look forward to times we dont speak. AITAH and how do I deal with this?
My best friend and I have been like sisters for about 14 years. However, over the past 4-5 years, it feels like she's become very involved in her own life and is always unbelievably overwhelmed by her problems. She doesn't seem to have space for anyone else except for herself and her boyfriends. This bothered me a lot at first, but after a few fights, I made peace with the fact that we're at different stages in life and can't stay as in touch. I continued living my life, but she randomly gets upset with me for not being present in hers. We live on different continents now btw. I try my best, but she's usually too overwhelmed to talk or even pick up my calls. She expects me to know everything and gets mad if I can't remember everything perfectly. The bottom line is, I can list countless experiences where she's been angry at me for just being myself or reacting to her issues. While I try to learn from our fights, I feel she doesn't introspect and just expects me to meet her standards. When I can't meet them, she immediately dismisses everything and goes back to not sharing details of her life or not caring. We live on different continents, so it's hard to have the same level of involvement. She likes to keep people happy and has good social skills, so she checks off things she thinks people want. For example, my brother has been sick, so she asks about him, but after knowing her for so long, I know she doesn't really care. I'd rather not talk about it unless it's a genuine question. Our common friends see this trait in her too—this conditional love. They dont really give a shit anymore, cause she holds them to this unachievable standard too, but I've been trying very hard to be optimistic. However, I feel she expects too much from me. She doesn't like when I have different opinions and doesn't empathize with me. If she did, she'd cut me some slack. Honestly, I don't enjoy sharing anything with her anymore. Her presence in my life now gives me anxiety. I constantly feel like I still have to prove myself to her, even after being a loyal friend for 14 years. I don't think I should have to prove myself anymore; I know her heart, and I don’t think she has anything to prove to me. For some reason, I find it very difficult to say this to her face because she's always going through something. So, I've taken a step back, but then she puts in more effort, like calling and texting. I haven't been responding because she yelled at me about a month ago for not being enough. This has taken away my motivation to try. I feel extra guilt for not wanting to try when she does. I hate that I've given up after investing so much in her. I still think of her like a sister, so I'm struggling to end things and feel like a loser for giving up. But I actually don't think I'm open to her energy at all. I'm sure she has her side, but this is mine. I keep dismissing my own feelings, but yesterday I saw in my journal from four years ago (and many fights ago) that I still felt the same things—not being enough for her even though I was trying my best. Maybe we will reconnect one day but for now im done tbh
Lmk AITAH + do I (and if so how) do I deal with this situation without regrets.