Advice requested: What should I have done as a Grand Juror when listening to testimony from LEOs during Grand Jury indictments ?
I served on a Grand Jury and listened to so many cases- over 70- and obviously they were very short in evidence- and we were instructed to respond to the 'preponderance' of evidence, but we were also admonished not to be 'technical experts' in any of the fields we were.
Many of these cases rubbed me the wrong way- everything was too convenient, too 'by the letter of the law'. However I followed these instructions believing the DA had the best interest of the judicial system at heart. (Note: The DA is now in trouble for their actions as of late and I was always uncomfortable around them, so that may have factored in the the 'taint' of my advice request).
In many of these evidentiary exhibitions we only had the word of the LEO/PO on the stand. And I hesitate to go so far as to say they were embellishing with non-factual statements but... it's still there. I was made to feel... like an enemy for asking what I thought were very basic questions the DA was (apparently) glossing over- and the officers were downright hostile. I even (sadly) got a nickname from the ADAs as being 'mr. science' because their arguments seemed so flimsy (Yeah, the guy ran an officer over but we didn't shoot him in the back due to BLM, ya know? (actual Leo statement).)
Watching the Karen Read trial livestreamed though... I feel like I've failed my civic duty. Many of the questions being asked of various people were ones I had sitting in the 'preponderance of evidence' stage, and I realized flat out that the individuals on the stand were more likely than not lying to advance the case. And I use that word in the truest sense- the room even discussed several of these as 'were they really telling the truth'.
What should I have been doing as a grand juror- should I have been more forceful? More questions? Should I have refused to accept the wishy-washy language used (and there was a ton of it). I think back to 70% of the ones I supported and realized based on the behaviour and words I've seen... I should have rejected the charges- because the 'preponderance' was so pathetic that it had to be propped up on potentially misleading/mis-stated testimony.
-and none of these people could afford attorneys... they weren't going to have a major defense.
I understand statistically I won't ever serve as a Grand Juror again, nor is it likely I'll ever sit on an actual Jury. I am for some reason lately very troubled by what I heard and saw, and in my mind this uncertainty if I did the right thing is really eating away at me.
-except for the cases involving children. No, I have no qualms on any of them, nor will I ever get the images out of my brain. Those guys can gotohell and I'll be in line with a bat.
Thank you, and I do apologize for the soul searching text above.

19M here. Context is important. My girlfriend works at a hospital as an NA. She’s sweat, loving, and passionate about love. She’s never cheated, never even suspicious, and I don’t really feel like she’s the cheater type. I can’t lie, recently we’ve fallen onto harder times after 2 years of being together. She doesn’t feel as connected as we once were, doesn’t feel the spark or like she’s “in-love”. I myself have noticed unrelated emotional withdraws I have gone through regarding other people, not just her, which may be a cause of this. I acknowledge the harm this may have caused, and i’m currently fixing it. She said yesterday she feels like she has one foot out the door, but she wants to make it work.
Also yesterday she had made plans to go out to dinner with 2 of her coworkers. She texted me 30 minutes ago saying that one of them had fallen ill, and asked me if she should reschedule. This means it would be just her and 26M, we’ll call hime Bob. Now the first thing I think is absolutely not. Im not the controlling type, normally I dont really care all too much about who she hangs out with, and it’s not my job to pick and choose what she does. However, when she asked me if I want her reschedule it made my heart drop. How could she not see that this looks like the setup for a date? A guy and a girl getting dinner together? Now she has known Bob for a few years as coworkers. From what I know he’s unmarried, funny, and a laid-back guy. It’s very clear she likes him, at least as a friend. Awhile ago, she told me if she had to date older people, 26 wouldnt be out of her range. Shes also surrounded by a culture of divorcees and cheaters at her work. Most of the girls there are divorced. A good deal have been in cheating scandals too. So I have a lot of reason to feel anguish about this situation.
Obviously, she came to me first and thats good, but I’m worried about how that was an option in her head to begin with, and what that means. She is a jealous type, and although she is working on it, had it been the other way around she would very much be not okay with it. After she asked me, a couple of things came to mind. Maybe she’s just trying to make me jealous to make me show more attention to her? Maybe I should have let her go and if she cheated, it’s not like the cheater wasn’t in her already? I told her I don’t feel comfortable with that, and she reassured me. But with this request, on top of our recent issues and nothing like this happening before, I can’t help but feel like this is suspect. Maybe this is a sign she’s showing? I have no clue. What do you guys make of this? Should I be worried about this request? Should I repeal my answer? What should I do?
tl;dr relationship problems, dinner with 3 coworkers, 1 sick so just her and guy

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Duuveltje who posted on AITAH.
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Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

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Editor's Note: I did some very mild editing for readability, mainly I moved the small update below the major update in the second post so they appear chronologically.
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Trigger Warning: Physical violence
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AITA for telling my (43f) BF(47m) he is spoiling his kids? January 25, 2023
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(throw away account)
Me (43f) and my boyfriend (47m) have been together for about 6 months, but have been friends for a long time. He is divorced, has a full time job and takes care of his children (12&14) full time. I was single, no kids. My boyfriend has been taking care of his kids full time for 4 years now. He is doing very well as a single dad, lots of respect for that. I get along very well with the kids, they’ve always been nice to me. Problem is: I think he spoils his kids. I’ve always kept my mouth shut about this until 2 weeks ago.
Example: at Christmas we went to dinner at his parent's house, his sister was also there with her family. His youngest comes in with his laptop open, connects to Wi-Fi and starts gaming with his back to everyone over dinner. He hardly said anything to his family. I found this very disrespectful, especially towards the grandparents.
Another example: my boyfriend always cooks dinner. Sometimes 2 or 3 different things to everyone's liking. His eldest then refuses to eat what she "ordered" herself, gets mad because she gets hungry and makes BF go to the store or get take-out late at night.
Another example: The eldest usually sits upstairs in her room. The youngest is downstairs gaming on his laptop or playstation. When he plays on his laptop, he puts on youtube game videos on the TV. That means that we (the adults) can never watch TV. We could watch something that everyone likes, but we can’t because 12 year old controls the TV. We just sit at the kitchen table and talk a bit.
He always gives his children what they want, he never tells them no. They never have to do simple chores like load the dishwasher or feed the dog. BF does everything alone. His children treat him like a slave and it hurts me to see that, but it also irritates me.
Because of this, I don't like coming to their house anymore. As a result, he only comes to my house to fuck (literally in and out) making me feel like a whore. That hurt, so I finally poured my heart out. I told him he raises his kids to be spoiled and entitled. He was very offended by what I said. He said the divorce was hard on the kids and he had to “fix” them. (They lived with their mother for a while where they were neglected according to him).
So this blew up and I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks. He keeps texting me and asking if we can talk to work it out. I miss him very much and I really love him but I don't know if this can be solved. I don't see how things are going to change. I know it's easy for me to talk for someone without kids and I understand very well that it is difficult as a single father. But if he doesn't teach his kids manners, I don't know how this could work out. Not even for me, but for him and for the kids. Life is going to be very difficult for them when they find out that they can't always get their way. AITA here?
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Commenter:

The purpose of dating is to find someone who shares your values.

He does not.
Move on.
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Commenter:

Your bf is in the position of feeling sorry for his kids about the divorce and that their mom is crappy and neglectful, I get that. But, he is indeed spoiling them, trying to be oh so good to them to make it up. He can’t. He is causing them harm by prolonging the dysfunction. Neglect or over-spoiling…both are the wrong way. Kids feel better when they are part of a healthy working unit/family. When they contribute they feel self-worth.

He should have them doing chores and he should stop catering to their unreasonable demands. But unless he understands this, and wants to really make the changes, well, your role is limited. And you need to decide based on one more conversation if you want to be a part of his plan going forward. It’s good that you pointed out how he is failing his kids. But you can only decide to stay or leave. and you can tell him: I want to be part of a healthy family where everyone pitches in and adults have some priority over what kids want. Stay or go based on what the situation is, not what you wish it was.
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Major update after my last post. My (43f) BF’s (47m) kid is out of control. AITA for wanting to report him? January 31, 2023 (6 days later)
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(Update after my latest post, throw away account)
My boyfriend and I continued to text each other after our big fight. We slowly got a little more understanding of each other and decided to see each other again. Remember: we really do love each other (or so I thought).
He came to my house a few times and I came (though hesitantly) to his house. Everything was ok as he assured me that his children (14f and 12m) were not aware of our argument. They were just nice to me again, as usual. We talked and had a drink. At one point, the oldest went upstairs to her room and the youngest stayed downstairs on the couch playing video games.
My BF went outside to walk the dog. He wouldn't be gone for more than a few minutes. I sat at the kitchen table with my phone as the youngest son got up and tossed his empty glass onto the counter from a distance. Of course, he missed and the glass shattered on the floor. I said to him "Why would you throw a glass? You know it will break!"
I got up to pick up the big shards and asked him to get the vacuum cleaner. I was bent over, with my back to him. The 12-year-old came out of nowhere and low-kicked me against the back of my thigh really hard. I banged my head against the low kitchen cabinets and tried to catch myself with my hand. But I already had some big shards of glass in my hand so I had big cuts. It didn't seem too deep but I was bleeding profusely.
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His sister came downstairs because of the noise and shouted: “What have you done???” She cried and she tried to help me (she really did) but I got up, got my things, and got the fuck out of there.
Once home I pulled out the shards out of my hand but it kept bleeding so I drove myself to the ER. I got 12 stitches in 3 different cuts on my hand. Luckily no permanent damage. I also think I had a (mild?) concussion because I had trouble driving to and from the hospital, and because I was still dizzy for 2 days. I also have a big bruise on my leg where he kicked me.
During my hospital visit and the hours after my ex blew up my phone. I didn't answer because I was so mad I thought I would say things I would regret. After two days I told him what had happened. He was surprised by my story, he said the kids told him I freaked out at his son because he dropped a glass. I showed him pictures of my injuries but he doesn't believe it happened as I said.
Obviously, this is my ex now. I don’t want anything to do with a delusional man like that ever again. Let alone with his demon children. I told him I was going to report assault to the police, and that I have the hospital records to back me up. He begged me not to because he's afraid he'll lose his kids. Their mother is not a good alternative, so they might end up in foster care.
AITA here???
To be clear, I don't want my ex to lose his kids. I still honestly think he's trying his best but he can't handle it. His children grow up to be entitled little brats!
EDIT: I recognize that I shouldn't call the kids spoiled brats. They are a result of their upbringing. Also: the youngest has been doing martial arts for the last 2 years because he was bullied at school. Another parenting decision that I don't necessarily support (not in that context) but that's another discussion.
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(small update) (Editor's note: same post, a day later)
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Well, this blew up beyond imagination. Thank you all for your (mostly) kind words and advice. So I called the police today and made an appointment with a police officer that specializes in family matters. This will take place tomorrow.
Also, I want to clarify some things because I couldn't respond to every post.
My ex and I hung out a lot longer than 6 months, so I did get to see the family dynamics before we got together. I just didn't think it was that problematic at the time.
Dad and his ex went through a difficult divorce. I don't know many details but I do know that things were not going well at the mother's house. The kids were removed from there and went to live with their dad permanently. So they are already in the system.
I know dad has been called to school a few times because of fights involving his son.
Brother and sister seem to get along aside from the usual siblings arguments. I did hear dad and daughter say (on different occasions) that son is getting bigger and stronger and sometimes hurts her (unintentionally?) I never had the impression that he assaulted his sister.
I think the daughter is a typical teenager who is grumpy at times and often isolates herself in her room. I don't see any problematic behavior there, other than the fact that Dad is bending over backward to attend to her sometimes ridiculous needs. I didn’t say anything, I just thought he was spoiling her rotten.
Dad says the son is on the autistic spectrum. I've never noticed any of that (I'm not a specialist) other than that he throws a tantrum almost every time he doesn’t get his way.
Dad once told me that the son was bitten by the dog because he teased him. But I have often seen the son cuddling with the dog. I don't think he's hurting the dog.
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I reported my ex BF’s kid February 1, 2023 (8 days later)
Update from my previous post
I needed a day to reflect but I got my shit together and called the police and made an appointment with the local police officer, that was today. I sat with him and told him everything that had happened. He was very patient and understanding and let me tell my story. I explained to him that I didn't want to press charges but that I had concerns about my ex's family and that I would like them to get help, but I don't know how. I don’t want to get the son in trouble, I want to get him help.
He said that as a police officer, he couldn't do anything for me because I didn't want to press charges, but that he had been working with a social worker for years and called her right away for advice. He summarized my story and asked if she was okay with being on speaker. We talked but unfortunately, she didn't have much time so we made an agreement that she would call me at the end of the week. She did tell me and the officer that it was important to document our conversation, along with photos of my injuries. I said I didn't want to because I didn't want to press charges. She explained that it was only a document of this case to go on file, in case it might be needed later. So I agreed.
I followed the officer into some kind of interrogation room (that's what it looked like). He typed out my statement and I signed it. He called in another officer (a woman) to take pictures of my injuries because I had to pull my pants down. They took pictures of my hand and the bruise on the back of my leg, which is still dark purple. So now I have to wait for the call from the social worker.
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Commenter:

Why did you not want to press charges? 12 is old enough to know not to abuse someone like that.

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Commenter:

Excuse me? You don’t want to press charges? What country do you live in? Cops, by law, must file charges in any case of domestic or sexual violence. I don’t care if he’s 12 or, in a recent case 6 years old. Cops should be opening an investigation and contacting the DA’s office for charges. The child needs to be removed from the home, tested and placed somewhere he can get the help he needs.

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OOP responds:

I am one of those few dozen people who do not live in the US

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Commenter:

I sincerely hope you don’t regret not pressing charges. That kid is too young to be diagnosed with psychopathy, but if he seriously harms or kills the next person? And all you did was make a report? Really? Lady, the signs are all there. Hope it turns out well, for everyone’s sake.

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Editor's Note: OOP hasn't been active on this throwaway account since the last post, so I am marking this inconclusive. Although OOP decided not to press charges, the story didn't really feel finished and we never heard from her again. If you disagree with the flair, comment below.
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Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward? AITAH?

Hi all, as the title states, i am starting to develop feelings for someone else while being with my gf. We have been dating for about a year and a half by now and she is the greatest thing that has happened to me in my entire life. I truely love her with all my heart and am so thankful for everything she has done for me. Our relationship has had our ups and downs but after being with her for so long, it seems like nothing was able to pull us apart. Even other people told us they envy our bond and relationship.
About 2 months ago, at work, a new female coworker had joined. For the sake of the story lets call her Rose. Through work Rose and I instantly connected as we shared similar interests and was rostered together every week. At first, I thought of her as just a friend. She was a bit pretty to me as well. And throughout the start of our friendship I have mentioned that I had a gf and have told my gf about Rose a few times as well.
Last week, after work, I wanted to send Rose some bands that I liked that I wanted her to check out and we decided to exchange instagrams. By now, we both had a stronger connection as well so it didnt seem desperate or awkward. Keep in mind that I never lost any interest to my gf as well and always loved her to the fullest. After getting her instagram, we have been texting daily. At this point, she had gotten more attractive to me as her personality was very similar to mine.
Now, I catch myself getting excited to Roses notifications, and have been checking her profile alot, and getting jealous when she wouldnt reply back to me.
I know that this is so wrong because of my relationship and have openly admitted to myself that this should stop because this is so disrespectful to my gf. But I cant find myself wanting to stop, even though I know i need to stop. And my girlfriend deserves the world. I know that I need to tell my girlfriend because I cant keep lying to her but i know this would break her heart and i want to stop this as well.
I know how much of a bad of l am being so I expect alot of comments to be saying this but I just wanted to know how I should let my gf know about this. She doesnt deserve a bf that disrespects a relationship like this. Or even how I can stop having feelings for Rose.
TLDR: I have a crush in my coworker and need to tell my gf but i dont want her feelings to be hurt because she deserves the world
EDIT: just wanted to mention that I have no intention in leaving my gf for Rose or choose to be Rose over my gf, its just feelings have developed

Me and my boyfriend have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward?

Ive this friend, know him since school. A long time now. Hes aspergers, and very obviously so. Hes sluggish, very clumsy, and has this specific, slow voice tone that aspergers have. We used to hang out a lot, and he was the only friend I spent my break time with in school, we isolated ourselves in a corner and drew goofy comics. Funnily enough, he wasnt bullied, but I was. Different story though.
Anyways, nowadays we are still friends and still hang out but... Im finding it harder and harder to have a good time hanging with him. Hes just... sorry but he is slow, in all ways. Its hard to keep a mature conversation with the guy. And he is very naive and ideas get easily in his head, he uses a lot of this brainrot bullshit in his actual language, especially while texting, and it doesnt feel sarcastic most of the times. I dont wanna tell him any of this because Im pretty much the only... consistent? friend he has and it would wreck him. Hes already in a bad state of mind since his life is obviously harder than other people's, plus his family is pretty poor and his apartment is crowded (guy lives in a tiny apartment with his mom, brother and aunt. Not enough rooms for everyone, so no privacy). Recently I helped him get a job and I keep telling him that he needs to fix his self esteem issues which he refuses to acknowledge most of the times. But I think I do it more to convince myself that Im not an asshole for partly faking this friendship than out of altruism. I mean he is my friend, but I just cant spend normal time with him cause hes admitedly not normal. I cant mock him like I mock my other friends very often cause he would take it to heart, not as a joke. I cant go do sports with him or hiking or any of that cause hes sluggish and doesnt like doing anything physical out of fear or shame or whatever. I cant generally have serious convos with him cause he gets bored unless its about animals. Yknow how autism makes people fixate on one specific thing and be really good at it? Thats animals for this guy. Its not a bad thing, its just hard to speak with him sometimes cause it seems the only thing he can be interested in for extended periods of time is animals. I love animal talk, but not all the time, every time.
He keeps asking me to hang out and I do go out with him when I can, but I cant help to think "ugh, guess I gotta do it" whenever I recieve a text from him, and then I feel like an ass for it.
Hes also very gloomy and pessimistic. He says hes just joking but I know its not true. He "jokes" about how worthless he is all the time, but almost never about others. He compares himself to others, to myself, very often. "You can do this, but I cant. Youre good at this, but I suck. Girls at least talk to you". Etc. I keep telling him to drop all that emo bullshit or he will go into a spiral of depression, I tell him he needs to acknowledge hes insecure and work on fixing it. He always says "bro its just jokes Im not insecure". Ive known him for many years, and Im also very familiar with insecurity (I was very insecure and still am to some degree), so I KNOW Im right. And its harder every day to keep trying to stop him from insulting himself so much. Im no therapist yknow? I can help but I can also be drained from so much negativity.
Hes a great guy and I think he deserves some friend who apreciates his friendship as much as he apreciates mine. Cause damn, sometimes it feels like he idolizes me. And I hate it cause I cant reciprocate any of it. He deserves a friend who wont just hang out with him out of pity. I feel like shit for doing it but as I said, I know that if I didnt do it he would probably fall into depression. I try to help him, I do it to cope with the fact that I dont really wanna hang out with him, to feel better with myself. Not out of altruism. And its sad cause we used to hang out all the damn time. But it feels like Ive grown into a different person than I was, while he hasnt. Or maybe Im just making up excuses, maybe Im simply a bit of an asshole after all.

Hello. As the title says, I hope to find people who love video games as much as I do. I'd love to chat with you if we can find some common ground on gamee. I usually playsingle-playerr game, but I'd be open to playing co-op if I have the game.
I have a PS5 and a Switch, so most of the games I own are on those consoles.
Some games that I like or play include:

• Kirby
  
• Honkai Star Rail
  
• Genshin Impact
  
• SMT/Persona
  
• Trails (The Legend of Heroes)
  
  • Kingdom Hearts
• Final Fantasy 7
  
• Pokémon
  

Outside of rpgs I like to play open world and action games too. The Horizon series is one of my favorites; along with the Uncharted series.
I prefer to use text to chat upon initially meeting. Voice chat is fine only after we get to know each other a bit. Of you're interested in chatting let me know what games you like or are currently playing to help break the ice. I hope I hear from you :)

I recently got out of a very serious relationship where we lived together. He broke up with me, but we had been arguing a lot before. I really loved this person, but he did lots of things that were huge red flags. One of these was when a girl who was his 'friend' texted me, saying he had been texting her "I miss you" and shit. I broke up with him the first time, but I loved him so much that I got back with him. Even though I know he isn't right for me, I can't help but feel empty, like a part of me is missing without him. I haven't been able to concentrate on university and even when I try to distract myself by hanging out with friends and family, I still feel numb.
I recently stopped stalking his social media, and we have been out of contact for 3 weeks now (the time he moved out), but I feel like he has moved on so easily that it hurts. What makes it worse is that I feel like he was hot and cold. We technically broke up while living together, but he wanted us to not be strangers at home so we were still acting like we were together (I know it's confusing af). Then when he moved out he came over twice to get some of his stuff where he was intimate with me the first time and the second time he wanted to "kiss me one last time." I feel used, confused and hurt because I made it clear i wanted to be with him still, but it wasn't mutual. I have been overthinking so much since we went no contact where I would ask to see his insta through my friends to see what he was doing. I don't know if he's with someone else, but it kills me inside to think he is.
I know I do not own him or I cannot control his actions. I really want to move on, but my heart won't let me. I went through denial, heartbreak, anger, everything. Why has he not texted me? Why doesn't he want to be with me? How do I change myself to make him want me? I began questioning my self-worth, to loathing the idea of being in another relationship again. He blocked me on social media when my friend reposted a photo of us together, but we went from living together to strangers. This guy was with me through my lowest of lows and highest of highs. Even though he did so many bad things in the relationship I can't help but romanticise the good things and reminisce it. Any advice?

I 23/F started dating my boyfriend 22/M in 2021. For context, the relationship started when he was about the start college and I was about to graduate but we are from the same church so that's where I got to know him. Initial one year everything was great but my boyfriend was going through heavy financial issues at home and from time to time whatever help I could do, I would do. We had started working in the same company and it was a WFH job so we also got lots of time to spend with each other especially due to lockdowns. Fast forward to 2022, I got a promotion at work and the role required me to work from office and things got very rocky as my boyfriend had also gotten a promotion but the role needed him to work from office which he couldn't as he was attending a regular college. He ultimately had to resign and that took a toll on his mental health. The day he lost his job he told me he wanted to breakup, he believes in being the provider in the relationship although I never really asked for anything from him. I believe in making the relationship absolutely 50-50 from planning dates to paying bills and all the sorts. The entire year went very rocky with my boyfriend asking for a breakup multiple times but I tried reasoning things out. Meanwhile even I wasn't doing great in my finances, I made small budget cuts for myself which idk how but made my boyfriend feel incapable (we did not live together, we lived with our own families). Starts 2023, I was in a lot of pressure at work and at home but I tried making ends meet for myself without asking for help from my boyfriend but just keeping him updated on everything. May 2023 we finally broke up when he told me that he's under huge mental pressure and he cannot continue a relationship. I am a hot headed person by nature so in the heat of the moment I broke up. But after the breakup we were in touch, few weeks later he wanted to patchup but I said no and this continued for 3months, even on the day we were supposed to celebrate our anniversary (8th June) we were a broken couple. But at the end of July, I finally accepted his apology as I thought maybe he genuinely wants to come back and will not breakup again but then I saw how casual he was with me as if nothing ever happened and he expected me to also go back to normal as if the breakup just never happened, I didn't spend countless sleepless night, as if I wasn't hurt. Additionally he made me feel like a burden on him. Suppose I told him I wish I could do so and so for my birthday but since I have budget cuts I can't but that's okay... He took it like I was a burden on him, started calling himself useless and he feels pathetic that he is not able to take care of my finances. These things pissed me off and I broke up. I'm not going into details but this time both our situations were bad really... And he tried to mend things so that happened after 3months.while we were broken up, his dad had a heart attack and at the time I helped him with the financial part, his EMIs were due for which I again stepped in, paid that and cleared it off. Fast forward 2024, I am insecure being so I kinda started a teasing fight with my boyfriend and he again got back to breakup, so this time we finally did breakup. Two days later I went back to mend things and have been trying to mend things for the last 3months, but his answer is a no, sometimes he says he has financial issues, sometimes he says that he just doesn't want a relationship anymore. In between all of this, his college fees was due so I took a bank loan and helped him pay that. Even after all of this he says that I have never loved him, I'm delusional. So finally I took the step of blocking him everywhere, he made it clear that he wants to remain good friends, he wants to talk to me but he doesn't want a relationship but I can't handle things that way. I loved the guy for love's sake. It was unconditional so now it's not possible for me that I talk to him casually and know it clearly in my mind that he probably hates me and doesn't want me as a girlfriend or a partner. He's a very sweet and supportive guy. I really do miss him. When things were good they were really good but idk what happened, what clicked and what changed that since 2023 we just couldn't get back on track. I'm sorry for making this read long, there are many details I may have missed as I am still not in a good mental situation. I've got only 3friends in my life and I live all by myself now. I've lost 8kgs weight since my breakup and it's taken a huge toll on my mental health. So guys, am I wrong to block him because I honestly do feel guilty at times, he wanted to be a friend, probably he needed the support but I denied him that and have closed all sorts of possible communication mediums.
In case you want any details, please let me know, I will be updating this. This is not at all well placed, but I hope I could explain the entire issue but yes for updates in order to comes to a decision, do comment and I will post the details.
Update:
I noticed my ex is now checking up my Instagram stories from a fake account( I realised it's his account when I saw the followers list was filled with his school time friends and none on the following list). It was 2days before I realised this and the following was happening for over a month now. I kept quiet about it but today I saw him at church, he came mid mass and when he saw me in the choir he turned away and sat along with the congregation (we're both a part of choir). So I sent him a text on his fake account confronting him that I know it's him and to not make things weird like this. Did I do the right thing? I don't know anything anymore. I am just way too confused, I know he's not gonna come back but then why all these actions from his end. Reddit please help me out here. I wanted to unsend the text but I didn't get an option to do that.

Hi, I'm Shawn. I'm 35 and live in a charming little town in Virginia, just a quick 29-minute drive from Harrisonburg. I'm on the lookout for people who are genuinely interested in building real friendships. If you're someone who values regular communication and meaningful connections, we might really hit it off!
I don't usually like to talk myself up—I don't think of myself as particularly fascinating or charismatic—but I'm eager to step out of my comfort zone. I'm ready to pursue authentic connections, especially when it comes to romance. So, if you're up for building something real, let's get to know each other!
I'm a traditional geek at heart, who still gets weak in the knees at the excitement of exploring fantastical worlds. Whether it’s diving into a comic book or navigating the digital landscapes of video games, I find immense joy in science fiction, fantasy, and anime. Creating a Magic: The Gathering deck is my current project, and I love getting lost in a D&D adventure (though I'm taking a short break from that right now).
By night, I work as a security guard. In my downtime, I enjoy reading, writing fanfiction, and tuning into podcasts about Bigfoot, Dogman, hauntings, aliens, and other cryptids. While I don't participate in cosplay myself, I have a deep appreciation for the art and effort that goes into it. I also enjoy a little true crime as well, but unlike most, I don't obsess over it.
I’ve always been an animal lover, even if they aren't the cuddly type. I once owned a Hermit Crab, which was quite an interesting experience. Currently, I have a dog named Scout who, to be honest, can be kind of an asshole at times, but he has his moments. I also have a whole slew of chickens clucking around the yard. A friend offered me a chinchilla when they were downsizing, but I had to turn it down because I simply didn’t have the room.I’d love to have a bearded dragon named Spyke or a Sugar Glider named Momo one day.
I know it's important to some, but I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community as I believe that how someone lives their life is their business so long as they aren't harming anyone or involving children. I also use the word "Dude" in a gender-neutral manner. I believe in the importance of respecting individual preferences so weatheryouidentifyas a man,woman nonbinary or anythinginbetweenyou'llbe my Dude. Additionally, I am open to the 420 culture socially as I use it to treat my insomnia, although I'm not personally involved. Politically, I consider myself more centered, and I identify as agnostic.
At this point in my life, I’m really looking for genuine in-person connections with people who are straightforward and honest. I'm definitely not interested in running into deceitful cam girls or romance scammers trying to get my credit card info or convince me to buy gift cards. I want to meet both men and women around my age 30-49 who I can hang out with, make great memories, and spend quality time together. It’d be great if they lived nearby or are okay with some travel now and then. Especially those Who are single, not married, and don’t have kids—I'm just not up for being a third wheel.
I've noticed a trend of individuals seeking deeper connections, craving meaningful conversations, and even expressing interest in video and voice chatting. While I understand the appeal of putting a face to the name, I believe that such interactions should evolve naturally, without feeling forced. But if you insist on getting to know me on a deeper level I'll include a few things below that'll help you understand me a bit better.
So, to sum it up, I’m looking for friends who are like me: single, not married, and without children. Ideally, you’d be nearby or okay with occasional travel so we can meet up easily. Building meaningful friendships through shared activities and mutual interests is what I’m after.

 THIS AND THAT 

Early Bird or Night Owl:: Night Owl
Bookworm or Movie Buff:: Bookworm
Board games or Video games:: Both
City or Country:: Country
Favorite Color:: Purple
Favorite Season:: Summer
Musical Taste:: Variety, but Meatloaf is my favorite and I don’t like blue grass
Favorite Video Game:: Mass Effect
Favorite ME Romance:: Tali
Favorite ME Class: Sentinel
My Zombie Apocalypse Plan:: "We get in my car, drive over to Mom's. We go in, take care of Philip. 'So sorry, Philip.' Then we grab Mom, go get Liz, go to the Winchester, have a pint, and wait for this whole thing to blow over."
Gaming:: I'm all about video games, especially RPGs and sandbox games like Mass Effect and ARK: Survival Evolved.

 DEALBREAKERS 

1. Little to No Effort Life gets busy, and I don’t expect immediate responses all the time, but I do hope for some genuine interaction, consistency, and effort to keep in touch. I’ll definitely put in the same effort and energy on my end. We don’t need to have all the same interests, but having enough in common to keep things enjoyable would be awesome. Friendships is a two-way street. If I'm always the one initiating plans, reaching out, or investing in the relationship, while you show little to no effort or interest, it quickly becomes exhausting and one-sided for me. Friendship takes work, and if you're going to waste my time with prolonged periods of not texting me, then it's probably best we aren't friends. Relationships require effort from both sides to thrive, and it’s essential to value each other's time and commitment. If mutual respect and communication aren't present, maintaining the friendship simply isn't worthwhile.
   
   1. Poor Hygiene: Basic hygiene is important for personal and social interactions. If a friend's poor hygiene regularly makes it uncomfortable to be around them, it becomes a significant barrier in developing a close and healthy friendship. I'm a bigger guy so I always make sure my Hygiene is on point, teeth brush, shower twice a week and deodorant.
   2. Irresponsiblity:: As a 35-year-old adult, I expect my friends to act like grown-ups. I'm not here to play the role of a mom or a babysitter. If you happen to get drunk and out of control occasionally and you're usually a good friend, I'll ensure you get home safely. However, if every time we hang out, I find myself dealing with your drunken behavior and having to wrestle your keys away from you like you're a defiant child, I'm putting an end to our friendship. If you can't manage your finances because you blew all your money on weed and then come to me for a loan, I'm cutting ties with you. I have nothing against smoking weed, but if you can't function without it and it's become an addiction, then I'm walking away. If you engage in petty drama on social media like a teenager, I'm walking away. I simply want people around me to act like responsible adults. I've outgrown all the immature antics reminiscent of high school drama.

Here’s the in-law’s family text message that got sent out yesterday (June 1st) in recognition of Pride Month.
“As our world celebrates pride (one of the 7 deadly sins) in June, know that the Church honors the Sacred Heart of Jesus for the month of June. The Feast Day is this Friday. Let's keep in mind what real love is and pray for those who don't know. If any of you would like a small 5x7 print of the Sacred Heart for your home I have some that I will put in frames for you just let me know. Love you all ❤️”
I can’t wait to reply with a photo of me and my partner at the Boston Pride parade next weekend. They hate how I’ve “indoctrinated and corrupted” their child.

I can't believe I'm actually typing these words, but I need to get this off my chest. My (26F) husband (34M) is having an affair with my mother (57F), and I feel like my entire world is crashing down around me.
A little background: I've been married to my husband for six years. We met when I was in college and have been together for almost 8 years. Our relationship always seemed solid, and we were planning to start a family soon. My mother and I have always been close, and she was a big part of our lives. She'd come over often, and we’d do things together—girls' nights, family dinners, the works. I never thought twice about how often she and my husband were around each other. I trusted them both completely.
About a month ago, I started noticing some odd behavior. My husband would get these late-night texts and would leave the room to reply. He was being more secretive with his phone, and our intimacy, both sexual and emotional, had dwindled. I tried to brush it off as stress from work or maybe just a rough patch, I began to work harder on my marriage, cooking things he likes, taking on more overtime, making sure everything was in perfect condition at home etc.
Then, two weeks ago, I came home early from work feeling sick. I walked into our bedroom and found them together. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. They didn’t notice me at first, and I was frozen, unable to move or even breathe. When they finally saw me, the looks on their faces were a mix of guilt and horror.
My mother tried to explain, saying it "just happened" and that they "didn't mean to hurt me." My husband was silent, not even attempting to make excuses. I ran out of the house and drove aimlessly for hours, crying and screaming. I ended up at a friend's place and have been staying there since.
I feel utterly devastated and betrayed by the two people I trusted the most. How do you even begin to process something like this? My mother, the woman who gave birth to me, and my husband, the man I vowed to spend my life with. I feel like my entire reality has been shattered.
I haven't spoken to either of them since that day. They’ve both been calling and texting non-stop, but I can’t bring myself to respond. I’ve told a couple of close friends, and they’ve been supportive, but I still feel so alone.
My husband's excuse for cheating? My infertility. That I couldn't have children and he was entitled to sleep with whomever he wanted if I couldn't do something most women were capable of. He told me that I lacked the traditional values he held, I did not know he held any traditional values, and that my mom was better because she was a SAHM that was capable of having kids.
I know the divorce is coming, but I'm devastated, I just feel so guilty and that my life is a lie. I couldn't give him what he wanted and now he is gone. I feel heartbroken, I feel drained and I feel so alone it aches.

Abandon my partner ? or stay
Very long story short: Dating for almost 2 years. Moved in way too fast. Were never able to properly communicate and resolve fights so they became bigger and (for my part) i said mean things.
I wanted to leave a few times, didn't. She left me one day but left her items. Came back after me writing love letters and flowers,etc. We didnt talk properly, fought once again and again without talking she left with everything while i was at work.
After a month of NC (mostly) and me paying a few thousands in remaining bills so she could feel safety and have less worries, i suprised her with an airbnb near a beach about an hour away from her hometown. Gave her a book with all our memories and my thoughts that ive been journaling about her, some fancy clothes as she always liked me to take the lead. And did some beautiful bars/restaueants. We had an amazing time! Just like we were in love all over again.
Started slowly rebuilding and videocalling everyday, saying i love you,etc but she didnt want any labels or gave almost no reassurance even when i openly communicated about it. I got anxious, suffered alot. One day she was extremely sweet, the other ..things were off and i almost didnt exist to her.
In the meanwhile we planned another holiday (last week).
A week before the holiday she suddenly said that its unfair what she has been doing and doesnt want a relationship right now. ( at the same time i know 100% sure she does and wants to have kids soon too)
A bit after she tried to convince me it was a bad idea to do the holiday. Everything was already paid for and now it was a day before the holiday.
It was very very stressful to me but i couldnt cancel so i told her. We went.. it was amazing.. almost dreamlike and cared for each other.
A while ago i bought a ring and prepared some text to tell her on the holiday. As i didnt say the text finally but explained i did this and why. Also that i really still wanted this and am doing my best to show up and apologise / grow together. (The ring was supposed to be a promise ring) She doesn't seem to be able to give a definitive answer.
i really want to respect her space and understand but somewhere also think if you want something or love someone, no matter how hard it was. At least you're clear or try in some way after all this? Even after suffering or this long i'm still trying to fight for it and it feels a bit like it means nothing to her.
She was and is very kind and loving. But i'm just quite scared to be on the emotional rollercoaster i was on again.
Do i ask her again what she wants to do? As i don't want to force her but also by now 3-4 months have past and i've been trying to show consistent love and growth,two holidays, gifts and care. We live in a different country now which doesn't make it easier.
I feel way less anxious than i did at some points. But don't want to be waiting for months with hearts in my eyes for a message that says: "i dont love you anymore"
What do i do ?
TL:DR Couple of 2 years, started to not resolve fights and said very wrong things. She moved out. Been trying to win her back giving her space , two holidays, nice gifts, daily compliments and care. She stays vague and i dont know what to do as i feel less anxious, want to fight but also want clarity in a way. Mostly dont want to pressure her. What do i do.

First. Previous.
‘Ri woke up in the hotel room to the sound and smell of cooking meat, as well as what she knew to be pancakes. Opening her eyes, she looked ‘down’ to see Kyle cooking on the small grill he packed with him in his subspace shadow, one of his near-silent air purifiers directly overhead, as he was using wood to cook with; the smell of fire-grilled meat was making her ravenous, and it was with a happy stretch that she sat up, Kyle turning to smile at her.
“Morning, beautiful,” he said as she smiled back, “Figured I’d make you breakfast-in-bed; we got dragon steak and eggs - chicken eggs - and I just got done with a bunch of dragon bacon. Pancakes were done a few minutes ago, and I’ve been letting the butter melt in; syrup’s over…” he looked around, spotting a metal container that looked somewhat like a drink pitcher. He set all of this down on a large tray, which he carried over to her, setting it down on the bed lengthwise between the two of them. He went back to the table he’d been working at to retrieve plates, flatware, and two glasses, floating a pitcher of what turned out to be gor’ahm juice, a sweet - yet slightly tart - berry that grew on verem’jiose, and also cost quite a bit, as it was difficult to get enough berries to mass produce, so it wasn’t ‘readily available’ outside of her homeworld.
All-in-all it was a rather enjoyable breakfast - whether or not he had any ‘professional’ training, Kyle sure did know how to cook. After they were done eating - and Kyle had moved their dishes over to the kitchenette their room came with - they took a shower, taking their time in the hot water, just enjoying each other’s presence. When they were done, they dressed in the robes that came with the room - they had gone with black all around - and went to sit together in the main room, putting on some soothing music as they sat together, tails and arms wrapped around each other. After a while of them just sitting there, Kyle stirred slightly.
“I, uh… I got a surprise for you.” He sounded a bit nervous as he said it, but she put that to the side; surely he was just hoping she’d like whatever it was. He smiled slightly, and said,
“Close your eyes.”
Doing as he asked, she shut her eyes, knowing full well that whatever he was ‘retrieving’ was in his subspace shadow, but she went along with the act. When he gave her the okay, she opened her eyes, and it seemed like her stomach dropped out from under her heart, and into oblivion; there in his hands was a thin, perfectly square - but not ‘cubed’ - black box. She looked up at him, unable to say anything, as he opened the lid, and she let out an involuntary gasp; it was difficult for her mind to process what she was seeing, as it appeared to be a round piece of the void cut out to look like a tiara. Or, at least it looked like the shape of one, seeing as she couldn’t really make out any details, though there obviously were details carved into it, as the little sparkles of what she knew to be black hole diamonds - she had seen the pendant Kyle had retrieved from the pirates - seemed to appear and disappear, depending on what angle she looked at it from. The big 8-point star in the middle - reminiscent of the shape their pupils took when observing peoples’ life-blood, and Gift - was always visible however, no matter the angle it was viewed from.
“I had to have Kay’Eighty sketch out the basic outline of where to cut to fit you,” he said, drawing her out of her stupor, “And I had the lead sehr’chtahb fit the diamonds on it, as part of the payment for bringing back the pendant, along with the diamonds themselves, of course. The actual tiara is made from the bone of the first dragon I killed, and I used the kath’loo’s Gift to turn the bone so black that it absorbs all light. I had to turn the bone behind the diamonds silver, because there’s only so much that refraction can do.” They both gave a little chuckle at that; finally, he pointed to the inside of the tiara.
“And here I put a strip of crysthril all the way around it,” she knew that he’d gotten the Gift from one of the sehr’chtahb before they’d left the planet, “Which you normally wouldn’t need, seeing as you’ve got a literal ton in your subspace; but this is different. While we can’t transfer our Gifts to anyone else, we can transfer them into the crysthril, and it stays enchanted with the Gift, no matter how much of it you use. It’s basically limited by your own power, and how much of each Gift was put into the crysthril. Right now, this has all the Gifts that I have right now, and I can always add more in later, when I get ‘em… So, will you wear it?”
The last part was said with a palpable level of nervousness, and she was unable to say anything at that moment. After a few seconds, she finally was able to nod her head yes, tears leaking down her face. Kyle’s face lit up in a wide grin, and she saw his eyes shimmer with unshed tears as he reached forward to grasp the tiara, showing her how to disconnect it at the sides. She leaned her head forward as he reached up to put it on for her, it fitting snugly not just around her head, but perfectly resting around her horns, so as not to be squeezing them, nor to be loose, and wobbly.
She reached forward, pulling him into a deep, passionate kiss, too happy to actually say anything; they sat there for a while, basking in their shared love, until she started getting a bit antsy. Kyle obviously noticed this, as he laughed, and said,
“Go look; I know you’re just dying to see it.”
After a smile, and a quick kiss, she ran into the bathroom, looking into the mirror, marveling at the dazzling headpiece that was now her’s. She sat there for a good few minutes, turning her head this way and that, admiring the craftsmanship Kyle had so lovingly put into it. It honestly looked like something a professional jeweler would be proud to call their own work, and she reveled in that fact as well. This was a testament to his love for her, and it was done through Kyle’s own handiwork; and where it wasn’t, it was small enough to excuse away, especially with having had the diamonds placed as payment for his actual work.
Eventually she was able to tear her eyes from the beautiful piece, and she returned to Kyle’s side, both of them grinning like children. After a few minutes of making out, and cuddling, Kyle insisted that they get dressed.
“I know you wanna show that off, and we can go look around the shops, see if there’s anything that we want. Then we can grab lunch somewhere, and later we can have dinner with your parents and ‘Lana. Tomorrow I’m gonna go back to the ship and get some brisket started up; Kohr’Sahr and the others’re gonna be here in a couple days, and I wanna have a party when we give them the news.”
“Do they know?” she asked.
“About me proposing? No,” he replied, “About everything else? I gave ‘em a brief rundown, but I didn’t go into too much detail. The suun’mahs representative got in touch with me yesterday: the broadcast is gonna come out later today, and anything that they need cleared up after that, I’m happy to be the one to tell ‘em… You’re sure you’re okay with them posting your general location to the public? I don’t want you to have to deal with any ‘fanclubs’ from back home.”
She smiled warmly at him, running her fingers through his hair.
“They’ll know that I’m taken, and that they have no chance; anyone who tries anything after that, no one will blame us for… teaching them a lesson. Besides, they already know not to bother me if they see me abroad; the secrecy was just an added measure.”
He bowed his head concedingly, as he got up, pulling her to her feet with him.
“Come on,” he said, giving her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth, “Let’s get dressed.”
She got dressed in a simple black pleated skirt that came about ⅔ down her thigh, along with a teal button-up shirt. Kyle was wearing his black and red pants, with a silk purple shirt; he had decided to forgo his boots. Kyle applied a simple light layer of purple eye shadow, and simple black liner, with a reverse of that on his lips, having purple liner and black filler. She went with the same pattern, except she used a luscious red in place of her natural purple. Once they were ready, they were about to head out when she thought of something; she held out her hands, and pulled a certain large, flat box from her subspace shadow. Smiling, Kyle opened it, and gently removed the necklace he’d bought her the last time they were on this station. After he’d secured it in place, she dismissed the box, and they left the room arm-in-arm.
The payoff was near-automatic, as it only took as long as getting into the elevator before they encountered another person; this one turned out to be none other than the Captain, as the station leader had put the entire crew up in the station’s best hotels, save for a decent amount of the security, all of whom had gotten to leave the ship last time they were on this station. As soon as the doors opened, they saw her standing next to what appeared to be a golden drahk’mihn, with horns that protruded from his forehead, sweeping back over the top of his head, only to slightly curl upwards just as they reached the back of his head. He wore light blue shorts, and a matching vest, while the Captain wore her customary jacket; her eyes widened when she saw the two, going straight to the tiara on her head.
"By the Gods, man; do you do anything normal?"
"Define 'normal'," Kyle countered, which brought about a round of laughter.
“Were y’all gettin’ off?” Kyle asked, hooking his thumb over his shoulder; the Captain cleared her throat,
“Well, that’s really none of your business,” she replied, to more laughter, “But we can take another ride, either way.” She had barely taken her eyes off the tiara the entire time, much to ‘Ri’s delight. As Kyle pushed the button for the lobby, Golden asked how Kyle had made it, to which he obliged, occupying the time it took them to reach the ground floor; the Captain couldn’t keep her eyes off the headpiece the whole time, at which ‘Ri couldn’t help but smile with pride.
After they reached their floor, they bid the other two farewell, at which point the Captain seemed to remember herself, and gave a hasty - yet obviously sincere - congratulations to the two, which Golden echoed. After thanking the two, they disembarked the elevator, ‘Ri acutely aware that the Captain was still staring at the tiara, even without looking back at her.
The rest of the day passed in a similar manner, with the general crowd around them either going silent, or - less common, but still frequent enough to be noticeable - lightly gasping; all eyes were on her, which made her smile and cling to Kyle’s arm all the more. It was funny: she had never really cared about ‘tradition’, and had always simply wanted someone who saw her as her. Sure, there were several ‘high-born’ men who’d hunted dangerous beasts - even to a drahk’mihn - to turn into tiaras, all of them trying to ‘win her hand’. But none of that had ever mattered, no matter what they’d hunted, or whether they’d used their Gift, or not; none of them even knew who she was, so their efforts meant nothing, but whatever standing they could achieve by marrying ‘the girl who stopped the war’.
But here was Kyle, a man from another species entirely who saw her as a person, in a way that no non-insectoid ever had in her entire life. A man who’d had no problem whatsoever showing his anger at her - very much deserved, she had to admit; that was a rather rude wake-up call - before he really even knew her, not afraid to call her out on any toxic behavior she might display. And who had taken the fruit of his labors to produce a symbol of his commitment to her, fully embodying the true symbolism of the traditional way, not by simply trying to impress her by buying her affection, as the others had. And for the first time since she was a little girl, she felt a distinct pride in that tradition, and all the more love towards Kyle for it.
They didn’t really have any place in particular that they had in mind to visit, simply walking around, enjoying each other’s company, and the reactions of the various passersby. Among the obviously astonished expressions, there were quite a few jealous ones on a few of the women they passed by, which brought her no end of satisfaction; not that she had anything in particular against any of those women, it just felt good to have something that others wanted so badly. And though she doubted that many of them actually wanted her man - whom she still valued more than the headpiece he’d given her - what they wanted was a product of his work, and so either way - whether they knew it or not - it was him that they wanted; too bad for all of them that she’d gotten her claws in him first, and she was never letting him go of him again.
She had made sure of that, seeing as he could now issue orders to the Captain, and change protocol on a whim; she had also gotten him to give her authorization to take a shuttle planetside if she deemed it necessary, though he’d made her promise to exercise that authority only in cases of an actual emergency, and not for a small ‘threat’ that he could obviously handle. They had come to the agreement that the wild cats from Cheshire’s homeworld were the cutoff point: anything much bigger than those were enough to warrant her presence on the planet. She didn’t really like even that, but she had to agree that at that point it was almost insulting to his own abilities, especially since he had plenty of Gifts to help him out, including her own.
At one point, they were passing by a furniture shop when they spotted her parents and ‘Lana going in; it was her sister who noticed them, calling out,
“‘Ri, Kyle; hi!”
They both smiled and called back in greeting, waving as her parents turned around, their faces immediately breaking out in smiles as they saw the two of them; the looks on their faces - coupled with not a bit of surprise - told her that he’d already shown them the tiara, not that she minded. If he was going to show anyone before her - aside from those who helped him create it in the first place - she could accept her parents being the ones, and ‘Lana by extension.
They spent around an hour walking around the shop - Kyle having to encourage them to pick out the more ‘luxury’ goods - as her parents picked out a new mattress for their bed, along with a few comfortable chairs. They all went their separate ways, her and Kyle promising to meet up later for dinner together. As they had just come back from eating themselves, they went to do more shopping - Kyle reminding them not to worry about the price of anything - while she and Kyle went to go find somewhere to eat.
They decided on a unique shop setup, wherein there was an herbivore side, and a carnivore side; both were technically their own shops - separated by a wall, and everything - though there was no problem with an herbivore sitting with carnivore friends to go nextdoor to get a plate made, and bring it over, or vice versa. They decided on sitting in the carnivore section, and Kyle would go over to the herbivore side to get a bit of roughage for the both of them. After they had taken their seat - the keen’yhong waitress staring in awe at her tiara - Kyle excused himself to the shop next door; after he’d left her line of sight, she immediately got up and hurried to the restroom, eager to get another look at herself in the mirror.

Vohr’Sin - a light blue drahk’mihn with horns that curved back, down and around, so that the tips pointed forward, just under his ears - was having a bit of trouble, as the restaurant was currently too full to seat them.
“There’s nothing you can do for the drahk’mihn ambassador to the humans’ system?” he asked jokingly, “She should be on her way any minute.”
“Sorry, sir,” the black gah’rahtoe replied to him, his face showing genuine regret, “It’s the lunch rush, right now. You’re welcome to wait for someone to finish up, if you like.”
“No,” he responded, “She had to skip breakfast this morning to attend a virtual meeting, so I doubt she’ll be up to waiting… Well, thanks anyway.” As he turned to find somewhere else to eat, he nearly walked right into another person; it took him a moment to realize who it was.
“My apologies,” he said, “I should have been paying more attention to where I was going… Forgive me for bothering you, but aren’t you Ambassador Redding?”
The human was easily recognizable, the ‘scars’ across his face and the horns - which the Empress herself had expressed to his wife were not to be commented upon - that were in a very unique shape. Personally, he wasn’t too comfortable with the human getting a pass at imitating their race - especially Kah’Ri’s horns, of all people - but if the service that he’d provided to their race by coming up with the idea of how to find the slavers was enough for Empress Ella’Ven to excuse it, he had to accept it, as well. The man was carrying a tray with a few plates of vegetables on them, including two baked tass’guds.
“I am,” the human replied with a smile, “Sorry for eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation: if you like, you can come sit with me and my fiance; we’re out celebrating our engagement.”
“Oh,” he began sheepishly, “I really wouldn’t want to intrude…” but the human waved him off.
“I’m sure it’ll be no problem; you know how women like to show off their jewelry. It’s just us, so I’m sure it’ll be fine. Besides, I can answer any questions your wife may have about humans, and any social customs she might need to be aware of. Well, any that I know of, anyway.” He finished with a slight chuckle, and Vohr’Sin was torn between not wanting to intrude, but also not wanting to insult the Ambassador by refusing; it was at this time that his wife Vir’Ell walked up.
“I see you’ve met the human Ambassador, love.” He turned to see the yellow-tinted woman that he’d pledged his life to, wearing a light purple tube-top, and matching shorts. Her slender horns swept backward, ending halfway down the back of her head, pointing down.
“I’m Vir’Ell,” she said, directing her attention to the human after exchanging a kiss with Vohr’Sin, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“And you, as well,” he replied, “I was just telling your husband that y’all can join me an’ my fiance, if you like. We just got engaged this morning, and I’m sure she’d just love the chance to show off. Of course, I don’t wish to interrupt your own time, if you’d rather eat alone, but it seems that we took the last free table, here.”
“That sounds lovely,” she replied easily, lightly squeezing his tail with her own, “I look forward to meeting your betrothed.”
The human - Kyle, as he asked them to call him - led them inside, and over to an empty table, where they all took their seats.
“I’m sure she went to freshen up,” he said as they all sat down,
“So,” he continued as they all settled down, “I hear you’re on your way to Sol?”
“We are,” Vir’Ell replied brightly, “Several factors have come together to convince the Empress to send an envoy to your system; the two biggest factors being - of course - your own contribution to freeing those enslaved, but also from the fact that even through the outcasts of your society, it is entirely obvious that humans had nothing to do with the enslavement of our people. There are obviously other reasons - ones that she wishes to keep close to her wings - but she has decided that humans will be the first race to whom she will reach out a hand of open friendship. Obviously, this will have to be taken slowly, but we’re hopeful that this could open new avenues of trade and friendship that we’ve been so sorely missing all these years.”
“Well,” Kyle began, “I hope we can come together as peoples, especially since our introduction to the wider galaxy came about in quite similar circumstances.”
“Yes,” Vohr’Sin replied seriously, joining the conversation, “That is something that we - as separate races - can relate to, you more so than others, I’m sure. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to endure the mahn’ewe’s captivity, and I commend you on your mental fortitude to be able to make it through all of that relatively unscarred. I won’t claim to know how you’ve dealt with it since your escape, but the fact that you came out of it without any noticeable xenophobia is exemplary.”
“Yeah, well,” Kyle began a bit darkly, looking off to the side a bit as his mind wandered those detestable halls, “I’m kinda used to misfortune, and holding it against those who brought it on, specifically. As a matter of fact, the mahn’ewe look human enough that it doesn’t even translate the same when looking from even the drahk’mihn to them. And everyone else just looks like ‘humanoid animals’, or ‘insects’, so it’s less of a comparison to the mahn’ewe, and more so towards our own myths and legends. And I guess I can’t really complain about my lot in life, ‘cause if I hadn’t been abducted, it’s likely I never would’ve met my future wife… Who seems to finally be done admiring herself in the mirror.” This last part he raised his voice slightly, obviously addressing someone over Vir’Ell’s shoulder, who was on Vohr’Sin’s right side. Before they could turn to look, a surprisingly familiar voice rang out, the smile audible in her voice.
“Can’t you go anywhere without ingratiating yourself with whatever drahk’mihn may be in the vicinity?” Looking around at the woman who had just walked past them to sit next to Kyle, his heart seemed to stop in surprise, both at who was talking, as well as the tiara she was wearing; and looking at her now, he fully understood why the Empress had directed them to ignore Kyle's choice in horns. Kah’Ri Mih’Rell wrapped her tail around Kyle’s waist - even as he wrapped his around her - and even hooked her right wing on his right shoulder, a wide grin on her face. On her head was what appeared to be the void itself, elegantly wrapped around her head, twined gracefully over her horns so as to appear as if the void really had inserted itself onto her head.
“‘Ri,” Kyle began, obviously enjoying their reaction just as much as Kah’Ri was, “I’d like you to meet Vohr’Sin, and his wife Vir’Ell; they’re heading to Sol, as she’s been appointed the Ambassador to humanity.”
“Oh,” she replied, obviously surprised, “I honestly didn’t expect that, though I suppose Ella would have ample reason to reach out to humans, of all peoples.” Obviously it was common knowledge that the Empress had taken Kah’Ri in when she’d lost her own parents, but somehow it had never occurred to him to imagine anyone being ‘close’ enough to her to call her by a nickname.
“I’m sorry,” Vir’Ell cut in, “But that tiara is absolutely stunning.” Mixed in with the pleasure at such an extravagant praise, there was an obvious strain of pride in their faces as they both grinned, Kah’Ri leaning closer to Kyle.
“Thank you,” she replied, “He made it according to tradition.”
“You made that?!” he couldn’t help but exclaim, causing them to smile even wider, “From what? I recognize the black hole diamonds, but the material that the rest of it is made of…”
Kah’Ri gave Kyle a knowing look, and - still smiling - said,
“Show them.”
Kyle gave her a conceding nod of his head, and fiddled with the small monitor that was strapped to his wrist. Soon enough, a small hologram appeared on the table between them, depicting Kyle in a strange white tree, looking down at a - comparatively - giant red reptile of some kind. There was a seemingly one-sided conversation where he was obviously speaking with the razum’yilahn that was partially wrapped around his neck, the rest of their body disappearing beneath his shirt. They were still able to catch the gist of what they were saying, mainly that he couldn’t kill that creature until they were sure it wasn’t sapient, which would require them going into its mind.
What followed was an epic battle between man and beast, his uplifted canine companion joining the fight once it was clear that it was indeed a fight. And though it fended off any attacks the canine - Cheshire - threw its way, it seemed intent on finishing the one that had invaded its mind. It eventually had Kyle pinned on his back, both claws - and most of its weight - braced on the staff of the spear he wielded, while Cheshire continued to draw its attention. One such attempt resulted in the reptile shifting its mass, causing one of its paws to slip off the staff, producing what would obviously eventually become the tattoo across his face, though his eyes were destroyed beyond repair in the process.
He managed to catch the claw back on the staff again - obviously using the razum’yilahn’s eyes to operate - soon after which a shuttle appeared, its door open, and what looked like an automated weapon hanging out the side. It fired once, catching the reptile in its backside, and doing little more than making the beast angrier. As it hissed at the shuttle, the weapon fired again, and caught it in the throat, opening up a shallow cut, which Kyle wasted no time in exploiting. Bracing the staff between the arches in his boots, he reached down and drew another knife from his boot, and quickly used it to open the cut wider, rolling out from under the monster to avoid the spray of blood. As the hologram cut out, Kyle began speaking.
“I used the skull plate to grind out the tiara itself, though I had to use nanobots to carve out the clasp to hold the two pieces around her horns. The diamonds were a reward for returning a pendant to the ory’lagus who run the black hole mining company, and the sehr’chtahb who originally crafted the first black hole diamond shaped and set ‘em for me, and I used the Gift I took from the Kath’Loo who was holding her father to change the bone so that it absorbs all light; I also had to turn the bone behind the diamond - and every flake of diamond dust - to silver, to have some light reflect back.”
Vohr’Sin was quite taken aback by everything that had gone into making that tiara, and he was beginning to see possibly a bit of what Kah’Ri must have seen in him in the first place. He was only just realizing that Kyle hadn’t seemed phased to have seen a drahk’mihn; which now it was obvious as to why, but it should have been something that he noticed when they first met. Perhaps it was the horns, and his eyes, of course; another thing the Empress had instructed them to ignore. He was also acutely aware of how… desirable that course of events made him.
“Goddess, man,” he said, putting an exaggeratedly jealous arm around Vir’Ell’s waist, “Save some for the rest of us.” That got a good laugh out of the table, shortly after which their waitress showed up to take their orders. Luckily, they all knew what they wanted, and they were soon talking back and forth, sharing anecdotes from their home world, and asking questions about his. They learned a few things that weren’t easily discernible by simple study of their culture through text, or even video. Kah’Ri stayed quiet, mostly, letting them do all the talking about Verem’Jiose; probably since she had been - intentionally - absent from there for so long, it wasn’t like she would have any idea of more recent news, or trends.
All-in-all, it was an enjoyable lunch, with the time slipping by as they ate and talked the meal away. Towards the end of the meal, the women excused themselves to the restroom, and while they were gone, he took the chance to ask Kyle about the possibility of being allowed to hunt one of those lizards himself, as Kyle had informed them that he owned that planet.
“Well,” he began after a bit of thought, “If you do hunt one, you’ll firstly have to do it without your Gift,” that took him by surprise, but Kyle didn’t stop there, “You also have to fight without any kind of ‘modern’ weapon. Which is mostly just saying that you can’t use guns, though nanoblades are not only acceptable, but also needed. And I’ll even make sure that you’re supplied with some mithril to use, as well. And just so you know: not only will you have a guide with you at all times to make sure you stick to the rules I set out, but they can see if you use your Gift.”
He flexed his eyes for a moment, having already explained how they worked - as far as he knew, anyway - to them earlier, when they revealed that that was why Kah’Ri’s eyes were red, instead of purple.
“I understand,” he replied seriously, “I wouldn’t want to disrespect your world.” Kyle nodded once, saying,
“Well then, I think we can work something out. If y’all’re gonna be here for a couple days, I might be able to get in touch with someone who can set up a way to get you there ‘n back.”
“That would be most appreciated.” As Kyle nodded his acceptance of his thanks, an idea came to his mind.
“You know,” he started in a conspirator's tone, “Before we left home, I managed to get my claws on a crate of krav’ashah wine; it’s a ‘luxury’ berry on Verem’Jiose, as it’s hard to farm, and doesn’t produce a very high yield, even when done correctly; aged twenty years. I would be willing to gift a couple bottles to the two of you, in celebration of your engagement.”
Kyle smiled knowingly, and replied with,
“Well, that would also be much appreciated; I’d definitely owe you a lot… You know, the ory’lagus gave me a lot of extra diamonds, not just enough for ‘Ri to make my circlet. Once you get the piece you wanna make for Vir’Ell, I can shape and set a decent-sized one for you.”
“I think we have an understanding,” he said, smiling.
“As do I,” Kyle replied, a smile of his own on his face.
Their other halves came back shortly after that, and after they all said their goodbyes - he had insisted on paying for the meal - he made his way back to the ship with Vir’Ell, already planning the shape of the new tiara he would be carving for her. And while the one he had bought her would always be special to him - a simple golden band, with a blue diamond in the center of her forehead - he wanted to make this one even better; perhaps he could find a way to incorporate her old one…
[Next.] Patreon

My First Love is Engaged & We Are Having an Affair
Should I Tell Her About Us?
I (27F) have been in a long term “never nothing, never something, always everything” relationship with my first love. He (26M) and I were each other’s firsts for everything: dating, kissing, close intimacy, sex… you name it & we have done it together. We have always stayed in contact with one another even as we broke up around 16, grew apart, and dated many other people.
He means absolutely everything to me. I would do anything he asked, I would help him in every way possible, listen to him for hours, ANYTHING. He knows this through and through.
On and off as we have dated other people, we have had annual meet ups for weekend long dates and sex. Sometimes this is more than once a year. We dance together to our favorite songs, cook together, laugh, cry, — argue even. I feel our hearts intertwined when we are together. He has claimed to feel the same. He is the only person I have ever felt connected to on a spiritual level as well as many others and for some reason no one else makes me feel as fulfilled as he does.
But then comes his (bi) annual lengthy text message about how he can’t keep doing this because he is going to be engaged. He loves me and wishes me the best. I am so special to him and he is not worthy of me. I mean I could go on and on with this kind of stuff. It’s always the same, “I love you and you don’t deserve how I treat you”.
I always tell him that I want him to be happy. He deserves that. If I can’t make him happy… then I can’t.
He has been with the same girl (now his fiancée of one year) for seven years…. and cheating on her consistently with me for that entire time.
After he proposed, he messaged me a couple of months in…. asking me how I was and if it was okay for him to keep my nude photos in his phone. He also reminded me that he has no intention of actually marrying her when I asked how that was going.
A week into this conversation and he calls me out of nowhere. I don’t answer, as he never calls me. I text and ask if everything was okay and his response FOUR DAYS LATER was “Why are you still on about this? Can’t you just move on from it?”
So I replied with, “Do you mean move on from the shit that we have been doing for years?”
And he asked me what I was talking about. It was the strangest thing.
He has told me before that I could ruin his relationship if I wanted to but that he would never forgive me. He claims she will kill herself if he leaves her and so I must endure our little rendezvous and being with her doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. It just means he and I don’t work out in the end. God I have such a hard time with it.
I have the text threads, photos, facetime call timestamps, gifts he has sent me in the mail, venmo transactions — all to show her who he is.
So what is keeping me from it? What do I tell her? Do I even tell her at this point? Why I haven’t I told her before when it all started?

I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]
I (27/M) am not happy with the "open" part of my open relationship with girlfriend (25/F). Together 2 years, "open" 6ish mo.
Originally posted to relationships
Original Post May 2014
Ok. This is long but I have a lot to get off my chest.
How we met: We met about 2.5 years ago on OkCupid. She lived close, we met up and got on well. After a few months we decided to get together. We were not open at this point. The relationship was great emotionally. She was sweet, attentive, caring and supportive. We also had a lot in common and had fun together, which is what I lacked in previous relationships so I was keen to keep this one and still am.
Becoming open: Around 6-7 months ago give or take, I found myself feeling disconnected from her and the relationship. I was looking at other women quite a bit, and couldn't seem to stop even though I DID feel guilty. I ended up singing up to a sex-themed website (fetlife.com). This is NOT a dating website, I wasn't planning to cheat when I signed up, it's more a social network and I was mainly interested in looking at pictures posted there.
When I was on this website it was like I found what I thought I was missing. Loads of hot girls, who seemed happy to interact with me, mainly. I started commenting on pictures and girls started talking, flirting with me. I knew things were getting inappropriate for the relationship but I couldn't stop. I really wanted to hook up and date again, and experience these other women.
Not meaning offense to my girlfriend, but she's a big girl (had been since I dated her though so I didn't feel it was my place to say anything) and while I enjoyed her body, I can't deny that the draw of all the hotter women on the website who were seemingly interested in me was too much and I was feeling more and more disconnected from my relationship with this gaping hole in my needs not being met. I still loved my girlfriend and she fulfilled me emotionally, but physically my desires were completely elsewhere. Eventually I realised that the best thing for me to do would be to open up the relationship or break up with my girlfriend.
I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didn't like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didn't want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didn't feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.
So, in short, she agreed to the open relationship even though she hated the idea as she didn't want to break up. She wanted to know how an open relationship worked so I set down a few ground rules and boundaries which we both agreed to. Mainly things like.. sleep with whoever you want whenever you want, but always with protection. Casual dating is allowed as long as the person you're dating knows the situation (since it's hard to sleep with someone without a date first). Our relationship shouldn't suffer and we still need to be there for each other. etc.
My Problem. Less than two months later from this, she's signed up on FetLife too and now 100% enjoying herself. There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures she's put up. I know for a fact that she's been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know she's been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like 'God I miss my mouth around those beautiful breasts' etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)
Me, on the other hand? I've not hooked up with anyone, and only had one date. All the women who seemed to be interested in me turned out to only want to flirt online and only wanted attention, and when I brought up meeting up with any of them I got rejected. The only women who wanted to at all meet me or go out with me I wasn't attracted to. I went out with one local girl from Fetlife just to give it a chance, because my own girlfriend had found so many dates/hookups, but I just couldn't bring myself to be attracted and nothing happened. I havn't been able to find anyone else who wants to sleep with me off the website either. Me and my girlfriend still date and sleep together of course, but besides that I'm completely dry. I don't think this is at all fair on me considering how many dates she's been on and I imagine how many guys she's fucked.
It got worse recently. Just this past Friday night I go out to the late night shop, and on the main road I find my girlfriend standing outside a pub with a guy, holding hands and making out. He was at least 6'4, muscles everywhere you look, arms covered in tattoos (which I know my girlfriend likes). I feel like shit. My girlfriend sees me, immediately breaks away from him and comes over smiling all over her face. She hugs me, kisses me, then the guy comes and introduces himself. It was awkward as fuck honestly, but my girlfriend didn't seem to notice at all. After stupid chitchat I tell them I need to get going, at which my girlfriend tells me she loves me, kisses me and that she will text me the next day as she wanted a date with me the next night. She then says she's going to go into the pub to visit the bathroom, and asked her "date" to wait outside for her and then after they'll "get going" (back to her place I assume..).
So I start to walk away as she goes into the pub to the bathroom, and I hear the guy say "Hey" behind me. I swear he had the biggest shit eating grin all over his fucking face. He said to me "Mate, you're a better guy than I am. If I had a lady like that I wouldn't let anyone else touch her. Lucky for me you guys have this open thing going on". He said it like he was pretending to be friendly, but obviously it was a dig because he could tell I wasn't happy right then. I just nodded and walked off.
My girlfriend rang me Saturday afternoon and I told her what happened and what the guy said, but she swears that he was just being complimentary/polite to me and that he's from FetLife, and knows all about our relationship and my own profile on there which is why he was chatting to me. I told her that I still thought his comment was inappropriate and that I didn't want her dating this guy again, to which she said 'Okay' but she obviously wasn't happy about it. I didn't ask if they had hooked up, because I could already tell they had with how she was all over him. I told her I didn't feel like I wanted to hangout that night. She hasn't contacted me since then.
I feel like utter shit. I'm going to be honest and say I have no idea why a guy like that is interested in my girlfriend and not out with a hot girl. I had no idea my girlfriend would get this much attention and it makes me feel like shit. I now realise if it's not this guy, it's going to be another with his hands all over my girlfriend. She has guys all over her, most likely just using her, but most of them more attractive than me and god knows what else............ and I only manage to get one date with someone I wasn't even attracted to. I still feel unfulfilled.
I'm on her FetLife profile now while writing this and I have to look at this shit every day, and her relishing in it without ANY thought to my lack of dates. Not once has she asked me about my dates or who I've met off FetLife, and it's obvious my profile is barren of any interaction compared to hers.
I can't really fault the relationship I have with my girlfriend if I'm honest. She's still her sweet, supportive self and she does make time for me, but I feel this open relationship has gotten really unfair now.
So that's it. I don't want to break up with her but I want it to stop, and to close the relationship again. But because it was my idea to open it, and we went through that difficulty before she started enjoying it, I don't know how to bring it up or what I say when I do. I just know it's got to stop now and this can't be healthy for either of us.
tl;dr: Asked my girlfriend for an open relationship so we could both date and sleep with other people. My girlfriend has been on way too many dates and I'm sure she's hooked up with a good few too. I havn't. Feel the open relationship has gotten way too unfair towards me and I want to close it, but because it was my idea I don't know how to bring it up to her. Need advice on how to do this and close the relationship again.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST

My wiife (Gwen, 31F) and I (Robert, 33M) have been together for 11 years and married for 8. We have a set of 4 year old twins (M/F). Our relationship the last 3 years has been spectacular. We spend at least one night a week together on a date, sex is regular, we discuss everything, have long intimate conversations, and financially we are hitting full stride, both of us have growing careers. It wasn't always this good, but never has been bad either. We have grown up together. We had a lot of the typical couple issues early on and throughout our 20s. But each challenge just seemed to bring us closer in the end.
That's what makes what I found out 2 days ago so much more devastating. My wife has been cheating on me.
Every June, my wife and her best friend, Scarlett, take a girls trip. It's been a tradition they've done since they were 18. It's nothing crazy, they usually just pick a nearby touristy town and spend the weekend shopping, or laying by a pool, or doing spa treatments. Nothing too over the top. She has this year's trip already booked and it's in just a couple of weeks.
The other day, I was looking at our bank account app, and it wanted some mandatory info verification for privacy sake. I clicked the button and it went into 2 step authorization. Clicked okay and it said it had to send me a code via text, but it's my wife's phone tied to the account. I begrudgingly got up and went and found her phone. I would normally ask but she was napping and I didn't want to wake her. I picked the phone up and hit for the code to unlock since it obviously wasn't going to recognize my face. I know the pin it's the same thing she uses for everything.
Once unlocked she has Snapchat open, and there's a message from her bff in the chat. It says, "Are you really going to go through with it?" A sense of dread washed over me. I really had no reason to feel this way, but something about the question just felt so off. I thought hard about how my wife would respond, and typed back, "Why wouldn't I?" Scarlett responded, "I'm just saying, 2 guys at once is pretty intense."
My heart dropped, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Knowing I couldn't keep the charade up I stopped responding and began looking through the Snaps. There were 2 guys I vaguely recognized as being from my wife's past. Unfortunately, it's Snapchat, so when I clicked on them there was nothing there. I went into her phone deeper. Nothing in her texts or email. I look through a oddly named folder and in it is Whatsapp. Here are the messages I was looking for. Her messaging with her old HS boyfriend (Donald 31M), making plans for their upcoming "girls" trip. No smoking gun, no sexts or pics, but definitely flirty. Definitely making plans to meet at the hotel, and definitely planning on him bringing his college roommate, who was also my wife's 2nd boyfriend (Jon, 32M).
I couldn't believe she would do this. I was also wondering how long this has been going on. There are not a lot of messages, but I could tell that this won't be the first time Donald has joined her on the "girls trip." I knew since Scarlett would figure out that I sent that last response, I had to confront my wife when she awoke.
When she finally awoke, some gruelling 45 minutes later, she immediately picked up her phone. She didn't even notice me sitting in the chair in the corner of our room. After looking at her snaps, and sending a few back to Scarlett she finally put 2 and 2 together and realized I had been on her phone. She looked over and finally noticed my presence. Her first words, said in a very aggravated tone, were, "Did you go through my phone?"
Before I could even get a word out she starts laying into me about invasion of privacy. I became immediately engaged. How dare she blame me for anything. I tell her I know she is cheating, that she's talking to Donald and Jon, and that her and Scarletts trip is just a cover. At first she tries to deny everything. Tries to gaslight me. Telling me I'm reading too much into the messages, that she is just catching up with old friends and knew I would act like this, that's why she didn't tell me they were going to get lunch. It was all bullshit.
I got so mad this whole thing devolved into just screaming and yelling. I told her I wanted a divorce, and she said, "Really, you're going to throw away over 10 years over a couple of nothing texts." Implying I was the one throwing things away, made me see the darkest red, and I said what I knew would get under skin the far more than anything else, "I'm not the one throwing it away you stupid cunt."
Now I knew this would drive her crazy. She HATES that word. She even gets upset when TV characters say it. I've never seen her that mad but it worked. She totally flipped and screamed at me that she "Does this for us." I was mind blown by that statement, but she wasn't done. I'm paraphrasing from memory but basically she just raginly started spouting off everything:
"WHY DO YOU THINK OUR RELATIONSHIP GETS BETTER EVERY FUCKING YEAR, I DESERVE THIS. It's my free weekend, it lets me handle all the bullshit from the year, resets me. If you can't understand that that's your problem. So fucking what if I'm crossing some lines, are you not fucking happy. We have it great, and all it costs is me getting one weekend a year off. (At this point she softened a little but kept a stern tone). I get it, your pride is hurt, but it has nothing to do with you, this is for me. You can have a great life, I just need this once a year, and you need to make peace with that. We have a good thing going, don't fuck it up because you're mad now."
I couldn't believe what I heard. I felt literally woozy in that moment. My chest tightened. This woman was out of her mind. I didn't say a word. I left the room, went to my car and headed for my brother's house. When I arrived I just texted my wife "I'm at Mickey's, please dont message me, I need time."
I've been hanging out here for 2 days just under the guise of generic marital problems. She has texted me each morning asking me to come home and talk. I responded both times "not yet." I don't know what to do, I've never been hurt so badly, or so callously. I love her, but this is too much, I plan to go back home tomorrow and try and sort this out. I don't see how we ever come back from this.

Until recently, I would have never said I thought my dad was a narcissist. It’s always just been “that’s how he is”. I was in a relationship for about 4 years, and while it was at times unstable and unhealthy, I saw how other families treated each other and I realized how different my perception of family was. My ex’s family would frequently ask how my life had been, how my grades were in college, how my career is going and everything in between. I felt included and loved. For the past 2 birthdays I did attend with my family, my dad did not speak to me and directed all attention to the men at the table, causing the drive home to be full of tears.
Things came to a head when my ex yelled at me and we had a blowout fight. I was scared for my safety. I went home to stay with my parents, and my dad was there to offer comfort. I opened up about previous sexual assault feeding into what the fight with my partner had been about, and my dad quickly shifted the conversation to complaining about his sex life with my mom. I opened up about how scary it was to be yelled at because of how hurtful that was to experience him yelling at me as a child, and he denied he yelled. He also messaged my ex at that time saying “everything is good, she just needs some time”. I completely dissociated and went back to my ex.
Presently, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen my dad. He would frequent a business that my friend works for (we were not on speaking terms at this time) and he aired out all my dirty laundry, condensing it to “I don’t know what’s going on with her and the boyfriend”. Eventually he cracked and sent me a tirade of texts, begging for forgiveness for whatever it was that he did, he recently had a breakthrough in his mental health with the use of CBD, he’s forgiven everyone who had done him wrong and has asked for forgiveness in return. Lots of hearts and crying emojis. Then sent more messages about studies on CBD. I basically said I would like to have a healthier relationship but he needed to get therapy and understand what a healthy relationship would need to be. Months later he asked to go to dinner. I reiterated that he needs to work on emotional growth and I’m not comfortable having a conversation until that happens. He responded that he knows I’m upset that he went to my friends, but he just did it because he knew I was struggling after my breakup (he did not bother to call me to check it or even text). He then delved into his traumatic past for the hundredth time. He said he believes my ex screwed with my mind and caused me to see him in a different way. He said he’s willing to talk things through, however, “without judgement”. He gave himself credit for getting me into therapy as a teenager when he saw I was struggling (I begged my mom for help, he did not do that).
I could go on. I guess I’m struggling coming to terms with who my dad really is and looking for some validation. My mom is an enabler and so are my siblings, so frequently I feel like I’m in the wrong. I will add I’ve been in therapy for a long time and am working hard to continue my work on my mental health. I would love a relationship with my family, but not at the cost of denying my reality and deflecting everything on past traumas.

Hello friends, Im looking for some advice - this is gonna be long, gran your popcorn.
My ex (male Aquarius (28 and I 25) have been split for a year and a half - we were together for 6 years. He broke up with me, and still do this day never gave a reason. We met at uni and lived together for a few years. I went no contact immediately, yet he went on to send a lengthy birthday card to my house expressing he was thankful for our time and how great I am.
He then went on to send Merry christmas texts and would check in with me - my heart was broken so i was polite but indifferent to these posts - i wanted to get on with my life, since by him breaking up with me made it clear he didnt want me in his life. I should mention, we dont live near by - roughly 2 hours apart.
Anyway - fast forward to May 2023 (he broke up with me december 2022) - we were not following following each other on any socials but he would continually watch everything i was doing - after about 3 weeks of this i confronted him - explaining how disrespectful this was and that if he wants to say something say it. He never responded and carried on with this behaviour. I began making new friends (some that were male but platonic - i was not ready to date again yet) and was posting pictures of them - he must have thought i was dating ? - I told him to stop watching me and leave me alone since he had made the decision to leave me. A week later and he announced his new girlfriend all over social media - i knew of year since he would always like her half nakey pics on socials and it made me uncomfortable. Its now June 2024 and although we have not spoken for a year - he still watches my stories every other week on social media without following me and even likes some of my stories. He is now known (and her also) to most the most loved up pics on socials - aquarius are not known for doing this in my opinion.
Anyway - the biggest part of this is that I had a missed call the other night at 3am and although i no longer have his number - i knew it was him. He and his new GF shared their 1 year anniversary pictures the other day (we have mutual friends who mentioned). I am still to this day so confused from the break up but it seemed like he moved on before he was ready? - Is this common aquarius behaviour - and also, i feel bad for his GF, i never knew he was this awful and disrespectful (im being ironic since he cheated on his 2 girlfriends prior to me and most likely cheated on me).
FYI, i'll probably avoid aqaurius men indefinitely now - but my god, i fell hard in love. - PS, HIS NEW GF IS A CANCER !!!!!

I guess I’ll start this off with. I’ve been talking to a co-worker ‘22 F’ and myself ‘24 M’ for a couple weeks. She’s very cute and energetic.
She Started working at my work a couple weeks ago, very busy girl with 3 Jobs, and Training for becoming a Firefighter. I recently got her # and we have been “talking”, mostly flirting, sexually and romantically, but have not gone out yet since she is always “busy” she texts me hearts and laughs at all my flirting metaphors or jokes that I make, we call sometimes and the calls last forever and we seem to have great chemistry.
Present: So yesterday she sent me a drunk text with a heart literally just “Drunk Text 🫶🏻” and I responded in the morning since I was asleep with a voice message saying good morning, made me smile and made a little joke like “ here’s my morning voice, u better get used to it cuz you’ll be waking up next to me often” she always says how I’m good with my words and loves my metaphors. She then replies, Good morning, I’m so hungover so I reply, Good “That makes the “drunk text 🫶🏻” even better, and just saying get some Advil water in ya babe as a slight reference to I would get used to saying it and said hope a smile makes the head and day a little better. I then proceed throughout the day waiting for a reply. I am an overthinker and hours go by without a text, I then post on my story which she sees, and still hasn’t replied.
Fast forward to today still no text and I have work tomorrow. Was the text to strong, for me it was the least dirty or flirtatious text I have sent to her, and now I’m confused on wether I should reply or wait untill work tomorrow. I feel now that this is very one sided, or that she shows interested only when it feel beneficial to her. I could be wrong though.
What are some of your takes on this? Thanks. I know this may sound really stupid but I hate people who ghost and think it’s very childish and immature to leave someone who you’ve shown interest in and vica versa to contemplate on where things stand between eachother.