Schwinn tire dating

Thanks for the messages. I see them. I think some are from you. I'm hurting. I want us to decide. Are we in this together? Or are we apart?
If we're in, I need you IRL. If you aren't ready it's ok, but tell me your needs and expectations IRL.
If you aren't in that's fine too. Just tell me, or I'll take the continued silence as an answer. But I'm putting a stop to the limbo. Hopefully, this results in a positive outcome for us both. If not, that's OK too.
I'll still wish you a happy birthday in any case. The date is etched in my mind. I'm going through things right now, so it's important to know who's with me. It's ok if you don't have the ability, capacity or inclination to. I'll find my space. I'm good at that. Just thought you wanted to be with me.
I would say take time....but I'm tired of waiting. You don't have to respond here. Respond to me IRL.
Xoxo

I met my ENTP bf at my workplace a few years ago now, we took time to confess to each other but the mutual attraction became more and more evident each day
My bf has always been a sweet guy to me whether it was at work or outside, but he often felt too shy to ask me out (and also often felt tired bc his schedule). He often acted confident in front of others but he'd often feel shy and intimidated while trying to flirt with me, which I always found adorable
Last year he went through a tough situation which was a mix of quitting the job by himself and being fired in a very brutal way (he was absolutely not getting along with a relative of the CEO, who happened to have some unfair powers over important decisions)
That job was like his passion even though he could get anxiety out of it I spent the year trying to conform him as I could even though he was too depressed to see anyone This year he decided to motivate himself and get another similar job but with an even more tiring schedule Due to that, we barely communicate compared to before
We used to see each other a lot at our common workplace (at least 4-5x a week) to the point that going out together wasn't always needed, and almost every morning he would even tell me that he missed me even if he saw me the day before at work
Now even though we don't work tgt anymore, I don't get texts or calls about him missing me even though he has more reason to miss my presence since we don't see each other often I suspect some depressive feelings still being present since he once told me he doesn't feel that passionate about his job anymore
I know he's not seeing anyone behind my back, I also know that with a tiring schedule he's more likely to often sleep before midnight
I'd like to know if any ENTP (or person who dated someone with a similar behavior) could give me some advice on what to do when an ENTP man is showing this behavior, I've tried to be as present as possible but I feel like I'm going through a lack of affection that makes me feel alone in my relationship, and I know my relationship didn't start that way when he probably felt more mentally healthy..

TL;DR: Luigi and Saiko have the potential to be a pairing with fun contrasting personalities and character growth potential while working with what's there in canon already without much if any change.
Time for something a bit... different for this sub, at least from what I can tell. I only just joined yesterday thanks to Medi's recent video.
Before we begin, I want to start off by saying that this is in no way a "my ship is better than yours" post. You are all free to like what you want, all I'm doing is trying to spread love for a pairing I hold so dear, and why I wish more people knew what's special about it. In other words, don't take this the wrong way. With that out of the way...
Saiko Bichitaru is my favorite SMG4 character. It took a bit for me to appreciate her, but as a fan of the show since 2013, as her debut year of 2018 went by and she continued to develop into a core cast member, I thought that for a show like this it was a very well-executed character arc, with a pretty heartwarming conclusion to boot. In the years since, besides perhaps 2019 which I thought was pretty good for her character, she took a step back in favor of other characters getting the spotlight, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but part of me does wish they got to utilize certain dynamics with her more. Tari and Kaizo are obvious ones, but another obvious one that I think is largely unnoticed these days is her dynamic with Luigi.
Luigi is my other favorite character, for generally being likable while still being entertaining, but there are other, niche-er reasons too I will get into later. For now I will say that he has has a sort of "magic" about him, in that despite his cowardly exterior (occasionally gigachad moments aside, which are mainly done for comedy's sake) he has a big heart and tries to see the best in people. In SMG4, him becoming Saiko's friend during her darkest hour (heh) is one of the biggest examples of this. It started an unlikely friendship between a timid but kindly plumber and a tough and passionate rockstar, something that remains to this day, but mainly in background cameos. Despite this, I've noticed that the larger fanbase doesn't really acknowledge this much, likely to due A. the lack of major usage since 2020 and B. some fans weren't around when those videos were new. But that's why I'm here today: I am here to talk about what makes this dynamic work so well, but also that I legitimately think that while considering that, Luigi x Saiko is a pairing that can work extremely well given what's already there without much interference. Again, I'm not saying that it's "better" than other pairings involving one of these two, only that it's one of the more "realistic" pairings as a whole in my opinion. To start with, let's go over Saiko's character arc again.
PART 1: SAIKO
I don't want to turn this into a recap, so we'll go over her story briefly before getting into the parts involving the green Italian man. A fictional rockstar in a dating game from the band KS-2 brought in by Boopkins due to his loneliness, Saiko started off as an extremely clingy yandere, violently demanding attention from others if even a second was put away from her being the center of attention. After about six months of her being a villain, eventually she realized that she has a problem and became depressed over it, only fro a certain someone to come in and kickstart her redemption, slowly but surely becoming nicer and becoming friends with the SMG4 gang, notably Tari and Meggy.
I personally feel like a lot of Saiko's POV is understood if you saw certain videos happen as they aired, but it all started with Luigi's Lesson, where the usually cowardly Luigi learns about Saiko's problems and tries to help her become nicer. As you may know, he succeeded for the most part, with her doing a good deed by the end (saving Mario from choking on hot dogs), and she slowly became nicer over time. The thing is that Luigi was Saiko's first true friend, someone who saw her potential for being a good person before anyone else. In this case, I don't really count Boopkins since while he did care for her, after her debut he tried to stay away as much as he could and didn't really attempt to help her until after Luigi kickstarted that whole thing. Beyond that though, there were still moments throughout 2018 that showed Luigi being the one to help Saiko improve herself, the main one being a small moment in The Mario Cafe, but even Mario and the Diss Track had Luigi be the one to tell Saiko the truth about Bob in that arc.
All things considered, my personal interpretation is that Luigi saved Saiko's life. Without him being there for her, Saiko would've continued scared off people with her violent tendencies, and she never would've found the "attention" she desired so much via the SMG4 gang. And it all started because some easily-scared plumber saw something more in someone even he was previously scared of. Speaking of which, let's talk about him.
PART 2: LUIGI
To start with, I wanted to mention that Luigi is bisexual, not homosexual. "Gay" can be used as an umbrella term for anyone in the LGBT+ community, and Luigi has shown attraction for both men and women throughout the series, with a lean towards men mainly for comedy purposes. The 2015 episode Love for Luigi is a very notable example of this, where Luigi falls in love with Daisy and tries to win over her heart, and he succeeds by the end... but did he really? Much like several other aspects of the series, this is something only really brought up when it's convenient (like the 2016 episode Boo Busters) but otherwise Luigi is portrayed as single. Since we live in an era where they care about canon a little more, I think the only plausible explanation for this is that they broke up.
While I imagine that Luigi is fine with this these days, to get into headcanon territory a little, perhaps Luigi still feels lonely to this day. I mean, he still shows attraction to people, even showing interest in romance (such as this one clip from a Mario Does Things video from a couple of years back called "luigi tries to get with the ladies" on the Shorts channel), so there probably has to be some level of desire for it internally. Maybe he feels lonely, which is why he could relate to Saiko's struggles at first. But that's enough about headcanons for now.
Another thing about Saiko is that she just fits Luigi's taste in general. Luigi is with Daisy in Nintendo canon, and she's a strong gal with a lotta passion for what she cares about. While Luigi is plenty capable himself, in SMG4 he still shows signs of timidness and cowardice every once in a while, and of course he tends to be the butt of many jokes that he can't do anything about. From a comedy perspective that's fine, but from Luigi's POV, considering the several other responsibilities he has, the dude is tired. Someone strong and passionate like Saiko has the potential to teach him about confidence and standing up for himself in return for him teaching her about kindness and being rewarded for it. Long story short, being with Saiko not only fits Luigi's own tastes in partners, but Saiko in particular could do something that helps him better himself. In turn...
PART 3: LUIGI & SAIKO
Everything discussed leads to a relationship between two contrasting personalities with their own problems, and getting together leads to both of them becoming happier in the process. And hey, who doesn't like a ship with contrasting personalities? The thing about LxS though is that the seeds were already planted in the show itself to build off from, with the setup given in Luigi's Lesson potentially giving us just that. As for their dynamic, the times they do show up together, as I said before, consistently have them friendly without any real holes or inconsistencies. A large part of that is due to their underusage together, but even in recent episodes, we have moments such as the 2022 Christmas episode where they were cooking dinner together, or a more recent episode that shows them together at SMG3's coffee shop.
One final major point though is that I think Luigi and Saiko being a couple could bring things full circle. Saiko, a woman looking for love and improves herself thanks to a certain person starting it all.... only for said person to fall for the woman that Saiko became, and in turn Saiko falls for Luigi for being the one who started her new life and for being a kindhearted person who understands her the most, next to Tari mainly shown in the KS-2 mini-arc from 2022. In other words, the person Saiko was really looking for was the person in-front of her the whole time. If you ask me, that's a pretty fitting note to "conclusively" end Saiko's original character arc, even if it already ended around 2019.
As a side note, Luigi and Saiko have potential to be really good parents, but with the "gender roles" switched, which is always fun. Luigi is timid, caring, and tidy, while Saiko is also caring, but also passionate, tough, and cares for her friend's well-beings, both like a mom and a dad respectively. It also has a lot of comedy potential as you have the two of them learning the ropes of parenthood, and it could lead to more interactions with other characters, mainly Karen (in which Luigi already gave advice to on parenting one time, showing that he already has the ropes to a degree).
CONCLUSION
Overall, Luigi and Saiko have a lot of potential for not only their dynamic, but also the idea of them becoming a couple. I wish more people knew about this since I feel that LxS is largely seen as "MxM's Player 2" given how you only really see MxM fans mention the pairing. That isn't a bad thing at all, I myself like that pairing, but I do wish that the pairing had a little more of a fanbase of its own. But hey, that's part of why I'm talking about this now. The good news though is that there has been something of a small resurgence of the pairing already despite the fact of content, mainly through the existence of RockRage8962's fankid characters Angelo and Rin, who were made into Gmod characters by Duz/Glithware and AnEyeArtist.
Despite this, I do wish that more people understood why this pairing is special, and I hope with this essay, more people can do so. You can still like whatever pairings you like, but whether this convinces you on the ship's idea or not, I hope you at least gain a little more respect towards it. If anyone has any questions or want me to elaborate on something, let me know and I'll likely respond, but if you made it this far, thanks for reading!
BONUS: A playlist of videos containing at least one Luigi and Saiko moment, from 2018 to 2020.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDYLLnT8V-AT9AUb28cpE87_-a4CMbEed

Hi everyone,
My ex (28F) and I (35M) have been officially done for about half a year now. We had been together for about nine years, have three young children together, moved around, bought a house, and everything else in a long-term relationship that seemed like it was just going to last forever.
About two to three years ago I had found out that she had been cheating on me for many years with a married man (42M) who also has children (two). I was devastated like anyone would be, not eating, being hypervingelent, paranoid, angry, and everything else. This went on for about two years as I just couldn't get past the betrayal.
Before we were done six months ago, the year time period before that she had broken up with me about three or four times, having me move to my dad's a few blocks away because I can't really afford a place on my own with all of the expenses of child care, which I pay for and she pays for the rent where she lives, all of it comes out pretty even cost wise, although I do pay a little bit more. After each break up, however, she would send me the "I miss you" or "I love you" text and I would end up going back with her and we'd just end up in the same place as usual with my bitterness and my paranoia.
Over the last six months I was feeling really good at about the two month mark. I had finally felt like I was moving on and those depressing days were starting to be less and less. There were even points where we would just hang out and do stuff with the kids, her, and I and there was really no pressure at all. This time lasted for about a month when she told me that she was now dating the man she cheated on me with and wanted to introduce him to the kids. At this point I became angry, depressed, and like I had been cheated out of life and the constant feeling of "this can't be real" or "how could someone choose to do this after everything that happened?"
At first I would try to convince her how bad of a person this guy was but reminding her all of the things he has done to his family, which she paid no attention to and would only protect him saying "I don't know him" (although I talk to his ex-wife and she's told me a lot of things that reinforce my thinking). Either way, the first part was anger and trying to convince her. Then it shifted to me trying to convince her to pick me over him by trying to get close to her. There were points where we would cuddle on the couch, she would lay down on me, tell me she missed me, that she still loved me, and I would even stay the night as we cuddled in our underwear in her bed (all while she's "dating" him). I know this part is not good for me character wise but I was in desperation/revenge mode and wasn't really sure what I was doing at all.
Every time I opened up about how much I loved her she would say it won't work or that she's confused by everything. If I stopped contacting her then all of a sudden she would say how much she screwed up/loves me/misses me. This is like a repeat thing she's always done to me and I can't stand it!
About two weeks ago I decided to send her cheater loser a message about all that we had been doing. I didn't read the reply or anything so not sure what happened but I told her I told him. The day after she was upset but then she had a flat tire and guess who she called? That's right, the guy who she cheated on, me! lol I helped, just like I always do, and we ended up hugging and stuff later on. Still, she doesn't want to be together and thinks the cheater loser is better. There's a lot more of her taking advantage of me that I'm not going to write about but it's a never ending story.
Either way, to the current state of where I am. I've been reading non-stop on surviving a cheater and narcisism, and I finally felt I could have some empathy for myself. She used me, manipulated me, lied to me, and didn't really care what would happen to me if she cheated (even if she says she does). She's made me feel like I'm the reason for everything bad and I bought into it for years. The truth is, I've always been there for her, the kids, worked my butt off so we could buy a home, go on trips, and everything else. I would always talk to her, hug her, and everything felt great for years. But now I kind of see the veil lifting for who she really is and I'm just wondering why it's so hard to move on? Like what am I missing?
Today she wanted me to come with to get photographs done for her and the kids but I told her I'm not coming with. When she picked them up she still wanted me to come with but I told her no. This is the point of me wanting to finally just cut things off and heal myself. As much as I wish I could hold her at night and all of this would go away I also know that if I go back to her I'll end up in the same depression I always do.
Can someone tell me I'm doing the right thing? Should I be trying to win her back even though she chose him over me? Will she try to get back with me one day if I just finally end things and only talk about the kids when necessary? Am I crazy?
Thank You All In Advance

So finding myself in a unique position… a ‘23 300 got posted back in February for around $6800 and at the time I wasn’t in position to buy. Went back and forth with the owner and he was able to produce recent up-to-date maintenance records for 600miles and tires and even went and looked at it, sadly the price didn’t match up.
Fast forward to today, I see what I’m guessing the EXACT bike on a local dealership page (mileage and pictures match up) and they’re charging $8000…
The dealership doesn’t offer any type of used warranty or anything like that. Just curious what anyone thinks about my options to get the price lowered at all since I highly doubt they’ve done anything except purchase it, probably clean it up, and pay off the previous owner’s loan.
2023 GTS super Sport 687 miles w/ match color top case

I (20F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been together for almost 2 years. From the start we had a good relationship but that’s until he introduced me to his family. Long story short his mother and I don’t necessarily have a relationship because she doesn’t really make an effort to actually get to know me. I’ve come to despise her for this exact reason and the past times I’ve hung out with his family she never greeted me or wanted to make conversation. His mother doesn’t have a license and she has no desire to get one. This alone has been starting to become the main root of the problem between my boyfriend and I. My boyfriend would have to change plans, cancel, and would majority of the time be late to our dates because his mother coincidently needs a ride at any moment. Most of the time it would be rides that she simply could’ve gone at a walking distance if she needed to go so badly or at least taken an Uber but she always insisted that my boyfriend would take her. I’ve become irritated, it’s tiring, and exhausting to keep up with this lifestyle of my boyfriend. I feel like I always have to wait around for him to actually make time for me. My boyfriend and I have spoken about this topic several times to motivate his mother to study for her permit but she refuses to study but I feel like he’s terrified of her. Once I told her that driving isn’t scary and it’s completely normal to feel that way as I myself had a fear of driving but eventually got over that fear. However I feel like ever since I mentioned the license to her she refuses to study because she might feel like it’s just a convince to my relationship with her son rather than actually helping herself out. It’s very clear that she also despises me and maybe she wouldn’t want to hear it from a stranger (me). He would often complain to her that it’s tiring to give her rides wherever she pleases and she always responds with “that’s why I need you” this alone rubs me wrong. Deep down knowing that I don’t have a good relationship with his mother I feel like she does it intentionally to prevent him from spending time with me. Because if she is capable of getting a license why wouldn’t she want to try? She can’t depend on him forever but it feels like she wants to anchor him. He’s tired of it as well and so am I because of how much it’s affected our respected time. But I can’t help but to feel that he ignores the situation and lets it progressively get worse. Whenever I bring it up to him he always tries to change the topic or just agree with whatever I try to say without any type of reaction. I just feel stuck thinking that if he’s choosing her happiness rather than mine, or please her just to not get her upset over the license. I cant keep waiting forever, but I also love him and I definitely want to work things out but this problem is affecting my mental health alone. Sometimes I easily get upset over the simple things when he tells me that he has to give her a ride somewhere when she’s perfectly capable of studying for her permit. I even think about how the future will be when it comes to the time where my boyfriend and I move in together, would that mean he would have to be her rides forever to take her to work and pick her up? To run errands for her? To give her meaningless rides to wherever she pleases? This alone scares me. Should I just learn to live with it or just keep motivating my boyfriend to help her get her license?

Holy shit I’m just realizing how deep the substance use goes on this show. That’s why at the beginning they’re all in their 30s and so not in the typical spot a 30 year old would be. You don’t reach that point of life and not be tired of the party lifestyle and be sober. That’s what stassi realized when she started dating Patrick (not that’s he a great guy, but he wasn’t living life as an addict or someone surrounded by it). Stassi was surrounded by addiction and then got away from it and realized how much better life is when you get away from the party lifestyle. And that’s why Katie started to talk about Patrick having a job and her being annoyed that Tom couldn’t do a bartending shift. She saw a different life through stassi through Patrick. The women slowly started to live a life free from partying. The cast mates who grow past the partying lifestyle are always the ones on the outs of the group (the latest being Ariana). Katie, Stassi, Ariana, James, Scheana flip flopping with it; they’re all growing beyond the partying. Tom, Tom, and Jax; their entire relationship is based on partying and doing drugs together. That’s why they stayed as friends for so long, and even still hang out now, they always know one another will be up to party at any point, so the relationship doesn’t matter because they just need each other to party with so they don’t feel like addicts (because they’re doing it “socially” but they’re creating social situation so they can party). They all have so much dirt on each other because of their substance abuse and party lifestyles. Tom, Tom, and Jax are full blown addicts.
This is why the guys hate Katie and stassi so much. They started to leave the partying scene and Katie and Stassi wanted Schwartz to leave it. And Tom and jax were pissed about the women taking their party buddy. I also think this is why Kristen had such a hard time leaving Sandoval. The boys were her people to party with since Stassi and Katie left the scene.

I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks now. We went on 5 dates and he seemed to be long term material (similar values etc.,). He opened up to me and mentioned a few things that seemed to indicate he was on the introverted side (cannot mingle with new people easily, takes time to warm up in new settings, prefers to spend weekends curled up with books more than socializing etc.,). I was concerned because I am a fairly socially active person and would like my partner to be able to take part in these as well.
I decided to invite him to a birthday party (~25 people) hosted at a close friend’s place to see what we are like in social situations with each other. He came off detached and not as enthusiastic as I would have liked him to be. We asked him a few times if he was uncomfortable at the party and he said he was fine there and that as he had mentioned before he takes time to warm up to new people and also he was tired that day. We also pointed him to employees from his company who were at the party so that he could have something common to talk about.
Overall, what he was telling us was not adding up to the behavior we were seeing so we thought he was hesitant to mention he was uncomfortable being there. Also his being that way was making my friends feel like they were doing something wrong and we were not very happy. I talked to my friends and suggested he should leave the party. He pushed back and insisted he was fine being there and that he liked to listen and observe in large settings as he had told me before. And he continued to stay. We gave up trying.
Next day a huge argument broke out between us. He said the realization that I took him to the party to see what he is like in social situations felt like a covert test to him because there was an “underlying motive” to why I took him there and there was no conversation about it my concerns beforehand. And that he felt his openness about his introversion was used to put him in a situation to “assess” him like that without talking about it with him. I mean, all I was trying to do was understand our social compatibility and I didn’t mean it to be some test. I don’t understand why taking someone to a party is such a big deal. He also says he felt humiliated being asked to leave like that since he was not being harmful to anyone there. I really don’t understand that either - all we were trying to do was spare him some discomfort.
Apparently he shared his version of what happened with some mutual friends and now they are grilling me. Am I am the asshole here? All we thought we were trying to do was make him feel comfortable there and I don’t like how he is spreading negativity in my friend group. What do you all think? Am I the asshole here?

Background Info: 2014 Audi Q5 Premium Plus AWD 4 cylinder 2.0L Turbo FFV DOHC 84,000 miles
Question: Got an engine light on my car and after checking the code and getting a recommendation, I saw that the “most likely solution” would be to replace the mass air flow sensor. However, after doing some light YouTube searches, people were replacing different parts (not the air flow sensor) and that’s when I realized that although the sensor may be likely, it may not be the solution. I don’t want to waste money replacing a part that may not be it so I ask: is there a way to properly diagnose the issue to find out exactly what part I need?

Hey yall, I’m not sure if anyone has posed this question, and I’m not very up to date with wwe as of recently just looked every here and there. But we’re most people pretty much tired of Roman being the champ or is there an underlying storyline being developed that I just missed?

Hi Mahal, I hope you made the most of your day off yesterday.
Summer is almost here, it's sad we had plans we can't do together anymore.. 😔 I'm so tired. I need you. I miss you. It hurts that my absence gave you relief. 😔
If we met a little later, would you have been definite in your feelings for me? Because I could have met you anywhere, sooner or later, in this life or another... and I would have been sure every time.
What if none of us didn't give up? What if we tried again? What if there's nothing to be scared of love? 🥹
I know holding onto 'what ifs' isn't gonna help me move on, but maybe just maybe, I feel a little happiness thinking what we could have been..
And you know what hurts me most? It's the fact that you weren't the only one I loved. I loved Mom. I loved your family. This is like a double heartbreak for me.
When we fought that night, if you were to do the same, I'd forgive you, but you ran... when you said no running away, you did love. 😔
I know I should just focus on my school and everything I came here for. Dating anyone was never my plan. But I met you. It was so wonderful. Everything became lighter for me. Even with all the struggles I am happy because I know you can be my safe place..
I wish you're with me in all this, and that I could be with you too as you start over... but maybe this is too much for you. I'm sorry if being with me was too much. 😔
Maybe one day I'd move on like you did. Or maybe not... because you're everything I've been looking for. It seems to me you're my 'one who got away.' But hopefully I can move forward too.

My (30F) boyfriend dated a girl for a year and some change before we got together. I’m not really the jealous type, like I think it’s ok to bring up an ex once in a while as we’re all human with some history.
But it got to be we couldn’t pass a single day without hearing a story about her, and it would even get to the point that if we were at a grocery store and we walked past a food item she liked, I had to hear a story about that food item. I told him, once, when this particular incident happened that it felt unnecessary and I was getting a bit tired of hearing about her every day. He said he was sorry.
We went for a trip together for my birthday. As soon as we started getting out of bed, he had to tell me a story of how she gave him a shitty gift for his birthday. Honestly soured my mood for a bit but since we were on vacation I decided to overlook it as I didn’t want to start an argument so far from home.
Then recently, I got him some new furnishings for his room. New bed frame as his was falling apart, new rug to replace the one he had (it was threadbare), new sheets, that kind of stuff. Then he told me every time his life improved he heard his ex’s nagging voice in his head saying “why weren’t things this nice when we were together?”
This one stung. It felt as if he was saying to me that he’s still thinking of his ex every time I do something nice for him. He says he doesn’t want to get back together with her but then why do I constantly have to hear about her? Why can’t he just enjoy when something improves in his life without hearing her complain in his head about it?
So internet strangers, am I being unreasonable about being upset here, or is there an actual problem?
TL;DR: my boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex all the time everyday and has even said every time something in his life improves he thinks of how pissed she’d be. Am I being crazy that this is feels upsetting?

This was several years ago, but the situation breaks my heart to this day, so I’d like some outside perspectives. I had been very very close friends with, I’ll call her “S”, for YEARS when this happened. She had been dating her girlfriend, “R”, for 4 years. I knew S wasn’t completely happy in the relationship. When COVID happened, S, who worked at school that shut down, spiraled a bit. I had become quite close with R over the course of their relationship over the years as well. S at some point stayed out all night with another girl, “G”, leaving R concerned and confused. S didn’t admit at the time she was with someone else but eventually did. She never did admit to physically cheating but I feel strongly that’s probably what happened. When S finally broke up with R, R was devastated and S asked me to come to their place to console R. R started leaning on me through the breakup after that first night. I’d always thought of S as a good person- selfless, caring, strong morals. But after the breakup, they became someone I didn’t recognize. She moved G and her child into the house while R was still living there and had no regard for R’s feelings. They would write messages to each other about how in love they were on the whiteboard that was in the kitchen. One of them once wrote “I love the way you taste when you cum” on this whiteboard. G would leave underwear and bras around. They’d kiss in front of the windows while R was clearly right inside, with a full view. R would try to initiate conversations about various things like boundaries, and S would say “im not having this conversation in front of G’s child” and at one point followed R upstairs to continue an argument after using this line and R had responded “okay, I’ll leave then since at least one of us should respect boundaries.” At that point G wrote R a note basically saying you’re never to speak like that in front of my child again. The last straw came when S and G packed up everything belonging to R when R wasn’t home and shoved it into her room. She was already moving at this point, but did this without her knowledge or consent. S had taken a lamp from R’s bedside that did technically belong to S, but she never used it and R asked if she could continue to use it until she moved out, to which S replied “no, I don’t want you touching any of my things”. I went and talked to S to basically ask what was going on. What the conversation boiled down to was I told her I was so sad to see her acting so cruelly because that wasn’t the person I’d known for so long. She basically told me I didn’t know everything, R had done things that were also wrong, she was tired of always putting other people first, and I should’ve been on her side as one of her best friends. She was right, I wasn’t on her side, because I just couldn’t support anyone behaving the way she had been.
We tried to reconcile, but ultimately this lead to the end of our friendship. I miss the person I was so close to, but I never did come to regret standing up for what I felt was right and decent. Should I have taken her side because of the years of great friendship? AITA?

I (20) have done a number of awful things in my life but I want to do better.
I believe part of my issue is sociopathic tendencies.
I care about people but it's hard to connect on deeper levels. If I connect to someone it's usually only one individual and I give it my all but i dont think it’s selfless in retrospect. I want companionship and intimacy and so if I find someone who can provide that, I'm willing to put in time and effort to maintain it.
I’ve never really had close friends and the close friends I do have I am still more distant to than I think most people are to their close friends.
I also have some issues with compulsion which can lead to harm.
In my youth i had a pet rabbit that I did not take care of. I neglected them badly and on one occasion physically harmed them. It didn't cause any severe injuries but it could have.
I did mention this to my therapist at the time but they didn't understand the gravity of the situation and just recommended I get a new litter box for the rabbit.
I repeated this behavior a few times to a couple of pets. I always felt guilt afterwards but i'm not certain if i felt remorse.
I have changed in adulthood, i don't tend to get that angry anymore and when i do i move away from the situation. I take care of the pets where i live but i don’t have a deep bond like others seem to (these pets are not exclusively mine, if they were i would believe the best option to be rehoming but that’s not an option in this situation but i will be adopting no animals in the future).
I think they are cute, and I enjoy petting them on occasion but I don't think of them as my babies or anything of the sort.
I have never physically harmed people but I am very cold and distant towards others. I will have friendly conversation, joke, laugh and share interests, but i rarely take it further. I genuinely don’t know how to and if and when people come to me for help I genuinely dislike it even if they have helped me before.
This is most prevalent with my mom. She has helped me a ton. I can logically recognize this yet emotionally it doesn’t do much of anything. I still get frustrated when they ask for favors I logically know are non issues despite what she’s done for me.
The one time i was close to someone i was dating them. I was caring during that period, but looking back i don’t know if i cared for them out of compassion or more so because it gave me a sense of meaning and feeling of importance. They also held a decent workplace position so there was pride i got from being attached to that. If I'm 100% honest, though i do believe I genuinely loved them l, more than anything, I somewhat wanted them to essentially choose me. I wanted to be their utmost primary person in their life because it made me feel better about myself to have someone want me that bad.
I do the same thing with flings. I am respectful and i don’t hurt anyone but sometimes i can sense someone is a tad lonely and revel in it for a bit since it gives me a feeling of importance. When it stops feeling like they “need” me i become quickly disinterested.
With friends if it feels they “need” me i kind of just cut them off. I wouldn’t cut off my close friends but the idea of someone seeking comfort from me throws me off a bit. I wonder if this is because if i feel I wouldn’t go to that person for help I wouldn’t help them. Like i stand to gain nothing from it at face value so i don’t do it unless it’s someone who benefits me.
I genuinely don’t like that i act and feel this way but it also feels a bit hard wired. Like it’s not an active choice but instinct. I want to do better. I’m tired of being lonely and ruining good things because of selfish behavior but I genuinely don’t know how to change.
I have a therapist but idk how to bring up some of the more difficult stuff and any time i’ve started with previous therapists they kind of undermine it. “We all make mistakes” kinda deal but i genuinely feel if my mental health were to totally plummet i could be dangerous. I don’t think that’s the most likely outcome, i think most likely if i don’t change ill just wind up very lonely and a bit mean but i could also see in extreme circumstances this sort of distant attitude towards people causing me to lose more and more of my ability to sympathize with others.
I genuinely want to become empathetic and be one of the “good” people, not just kind of pretend but genuinely be compassionate towards others, do things not with the idea of benefiting from it in mind, and connect on a deeper level to others. Where do I start with that? Has anyone been through this before?

i really don’t know why i try at this point it’s. never ending vicious cycle.
i’ve tried every app you could think of. im super clear im my “about me”. i state exactly what im looking for which isn’t even a lot just. simple commitments no open relationships, no thirds, nothing “casual”. You’d think that would be clear enough? No, not at all. I still get random dick pics, guys looking for hookups, guys who barley want to hold a conversation with me or even worse.. guys who claim they’re looking for the same and then they lead me on for days, weeks, even months at a time. I truly don’t know what im doing wrong, I already know im not conventionally attractive or so i think? I’ve been told most of my life i was ugly or unattractive but jsut as much as that i’ve been told that im not ugly. So i really don’t know what it is? Maybe my weight? im fat and being a bigger african american guy and gay is already extremely difficult and when it comes to dating its even worse. Maybe men just don’t take me serious? I feel like I have a lot to offer emotionally in a relationship but haven’t gotten the chance to even show it. The first and last time I had the opportunity I wasn’t appreciated, video games and friends took priority over me. I was an afterthought..
Maybe im too nice? maybe i actually am unattractive? Maybe i shouldn’t except anyone to be into me until i work on the way i look physically? Not sure but im just tired of being the one to put so much effort into trying to establish relationships and then it blows up in my face.

Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

He basically cheated on me in February through March and we ended up finding out I was pregnant. My libido for him decreased because he cheated and he thinks apologizing for his actions and promising to change after I had to scream and beg him to stop for not only me but his child and he could barely even do that.
Yeah he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing now, like helping me when I’m throwing up and starting some laundry and folding it which is the bare things he should’ve been doing either way since we live together. I’m just tired of him asking for sex all the time and not getting it through his head his cheating had consequences, I still love him want to work on our sex life together but it’s like he can’t put two and two together and understand that the women I saw in his phone I will never look like them.
The women he called while at home, I don’t look like them he downloaded every dating app out there and I’m supposed to just drop my panties because he said sorry. He can’t understand or even try to go slow with foreplay because I just imagine the women he’s talked to and I’ve told him this. I’ve told him I feel uncomfortable being pregnant and my with my growing body and he just tries to call me beautiful and grope me when those are the same compliments he gave me when he was cheating and it makes me angry because I know he just wants to get off but not put in any work.

[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.