Pictures using keyboard symbols suns

Hi,
As I'm (also) using my Arch system for music I recently switched to RT kernel. But it seem that this is not compatible with running VirtualBox ?
- I removed virtualbox-host-modules-arch and installed virtualbox-host-dkms - I can't see any error message during compilation - But it seems that the vbox* mods are not compiled ?
==> Starting build: '6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt' -> Running build hook: [base] -> Running build hook: [udev] -> Running build hook: [autodetect] -> Running build hook: [microcode] -> Running build hook: [modconf] -> Running build hook: [kms] -> Running build hook: [keyboard] -> Running build hook: [keymap] -> Running build hook: [consolefont] ==> WARNING: consolefont: no font found in configuration -> Running build hook: [block] -> Running build hook: [filesystems] -> Running build hook: [fsck]
I tried to reinstall virtualbox-host-dkms but result is the same :
$ find /lib/modules/$(uname -r) -name 'vbox*' /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/fs/vboxsf /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/fs/vboxsf/vboxsf.ko.zst /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/drivers/virt/vboxguest /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/drivers/virt/vboxguest/vboxguest.ko.zst /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/drivers/gpu/drm/vboxvideo /lib/modules/6.7.0.6.realtime1-3-rt/kernel/drivers/gpu/drm/vboxvideo/vboxvideo.ko.zst
Thanks for your help !

This is something I found when comparing it to my 13-inch MBP, the full-height function keys actually come at the expense of the size of the trackpad. On the 14-inch machine with the new design, I often slide off from the top and bottom edges, the trackpad is just not big enough!
Function rows are just unimportant, half-hight will be perfectly fine as most laptop keyboards use them also.

So at first I was pretty hesitant to use omni, because as soon as I saw that it was faster my mind goes "faster=less accurate" however when I was using it for the first time it actually really impressed me and seemed to be quite good.
And today, it just felt like it was using GPT3 with an inbuilt "loop last response" option. Plus I tried uploading two pictures of HxD atom examples, and I didn't let me do it because it thought that I was uploading something that was going to be damaging to the system (likely being based on the characters not looking coherent) 👎.
Tell me about your guys experiences over this last we while with Omni.

It’s a little long but I desperately need advice, it gets a little weird
Background: We’ve known each other since we were 16, had a little entanglement while he was in a relationship (last from the time we were 16 to 21), it was nothing physical, just a mutual crush (yes, this happened while he was in a relationship. We fell out of touch after high school.
We were both post breakup (I was single for a month or two after dating someone for 3 years; he was single for two months after dating someone for 5 years), we reconnected when he DMed me, went on a date, and it was history. We’re so compatible and we literally finish each other sentences. We’ve spent almost every day together since. We got symbolically married 9 months after our first date (not legally, but we considered each other husband and wife). It seemed meant to be. I’ve had my happiest moments of my life with him in such a short time, we’ve built a whole life, traveled the world.
But he’s always had a little mean streak (but so does everyone, I’m a grumpy person so I understand some level of it) but it gets a lot worse when he’s drunk, it came out after being together for about a year. This latest time has just been the straw on a camels back. We had a date in the city (about an hour away) and we drank, it was a long night. He ended up DMing a girl that I used to be friends with (he’s aware this friendship ended badly, we both know her from HS, he’s known her longer). This isn’t the first time, it happened probably about a year or close to ago, I checked his phone after he was drinking with a friend and he DMed 3 different girls at 4am. This recent night, He was belligerent, there’s 3 holes in our walls currently. He’s pushed me before and it didn’t happened again, but he screamed and yelled in my face while I sat crying on the floor, called me the worst names which is also not the first time. He knows I have a history of childhood abuse and I don’t take well to environments like this. Not to mention a month before this occurred, he totaled my car because he didn’t listen to me or the law and totaled my car. We ended up fixing it and getting a pay out.
He promised to get therapy, he promised to not drink as much but he just hasn’t followed through. Today is a little less than a month after the first incident and we were drinking to celebrate the end of my finals, I did great, I was so happy and proud of myself. On our way home from picking up our last round of drink from around the corner, he “love tapped” the car in front of us in the driveway because he was looking at his phone which was the reason for his first accident last month. (We live in a very small apartment complex). I lost it, I admit I yelled and got frustrated, I’m just so tired of him promising me things and not following through. I decided to let it go and not let it ruin my celebratory night. We moved away from our apartment complex for obvious reasons but there was no damage. A little later, we were in the car and nowhere near a bathroom and I had been drinking and I had to pee. I peed in a plastic cup and was going to dump it but jokingly pretended throw it on him, but obviously nothing got on him, it’s a joke. I asked him to dump it and give it back so I could put the cup in the garbage, he dumps most of it and “jokingly” actually splashes the rest on me, it got on my face and shirt, very gross. I threw water back at him. He argued how I’m so much worse for throwing water in him because it was more. It’s summer, we’re outside, water dries, throwing pee on someone is gross.
I’m tired of dealing with all of this. Is he ever going to change? Am I just unreasonable? I just love him so much and the good can sometimes make the bad unnoticeable. But I don’t want to keep comprising my boundaries for someone who doesn’t respect me as a partner. What do I do?

It was me 4 years ago searching on Reddit and every corner of the internet how to stop the heartache, how to stop my heart feeling like it was bleeding in my chest through tears in my eyes. I did everything I could. I pretended like I was very happy, I lived a lie when others asked how I was doing, I tried to gaslight myself into thinking it was for the best and nothing worked. I was in agonizing pain. Does this sound like you? Are you trying to cope through the excruciating pain and emotional turmoil you're going through right now like I did?
My breakup happened just a week before the COVID lockdowns. I couldn't access therapy when I needed it most no matter how hard I tried. This was also a point in my life where I didn't have many close connections or friends; I had nobody to vent to or talk to, and when I tried with one friend, they ghosted me because of it.
I had also just moved in with my partner and we were engaged. I thought the world of him and I believed he was my future and who I would have children with. I centered so much of my love, time and attention our relationship no matter what. We were together for just over a year when it all came crashing down.
It doesn't really matter how the breakup happened in any case with anyone; it happened and it hurt, period. That's where I feel your pain. I've been through what you're going through and it lasted me 1 year and 3 months. Every. Single. Day. Yes, there was better days but they were never enough and never consistent. It was a constant battle to distract and cope, and it rarely worked.

• The constant overthinking.

My ex was on my mind 24/7. Everything reminded me of him and for bizarre reasons I couldn't explain. When I thought about my future, again I found myself thinking about him. Buying a home in the future? "We could have bought a home together". There was no "we" anymore but my brain was obsessed with those hypothetical scenarios. He lived in my mind rent free and I obsessively wondered if he thought about me like that too. Was he hurting like I did? How was he managing it? What if I did this differently? What if I did that? Was it all my fault? What if I reacted differently during this one conversation--could it have saved us? I replayed it all in my head again and again.

• Dreaming of them.

Night after night, all I dreamt about was my ex. It was him and me, it was about our relationship. Half of the time it was about the best, sweet and loving parts of our relationship. It made me yearn and broke my heart. The other half was alternative scenarios still resulting in a breakup. Replaying the breakup. Sometimes I dreamt I'd approach him and cry; we'd get back together or we would fight. I would yell at him, blame him and be angry--other times I would collapse and cry with him. I was always restless and never got enough sleep because I was constantly having nightmares of him like this.

• Desperately trying to cope and distract myself.

I tried to pick up new hobbies. I went outside more often. I reached out to old friends to rekindle. I tried to make online friends who had the same interests as me. I tried talking to more classmates and coworkers. I used social media to distract myself. I watched movies and TV shows at the same time with a video game on and music. ANYTHING to prevent a single thought from occurring and I couldn't stop. I took edibles (weed is legal here in Canada) to calm my mind and get all mushy, but hated the fact I needed to rely on weed to not be able to think straight and not about him or our relationship. I could not be doing nothing, I always HAD to be doing something and preferably more than one thing at a time because God forbid my mind would go back to the endless racing scenarios and thoughts of him.

• Couldn't stop talking about him or our relationship.

When I had the chance to socialize with a friend or family member, I couldn't stop myself from talking about my ex or my relationship. Anything I said somehow related back to it or our relationship. I couldn't use any other examples and I felt the need to just talk and talk about him. It was humiliating when people pointed it out and even laughed about it. It was like I was verbally spilling all the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes the things I said about him were from a place of melancholy--things I missed--and others it was of disgust or angry comments towards him and what he did to me.

• Crying uncontrollably.

This relationship broke me and changed the trajectory of my life. It was that serious to me and it shook me to my core. I cried so much. I cried at least once a day and I cried myself to bed more times than I can count. I cried at work, during my shift and even when talking to customers. I lost control; I couldn't physically stop myself. My mind was numb and my body was depressed, and so I cried. I always had tears streaming down my cheeks. The sadness was unending and limitless. This horrified me the most, especially because I had to interact with other people and still go about my day. How could I explain to them what was happening to me? I wanted to hide away and not have people ever see me like this, but I physically could not stop. That's how broken I was.

• Pretending like I was happy/someone else.

I put a front on like I was over the breakup before it even happened. I pretended to be ultra cheerful and happy. I not only didn't want others to worry about me, but I thought if I lied and gaslighted myself enough that I was going to eventually actually start to feel that way and gradually ease into it. I took smiling selfies for social media, posted positive content, never let anyone know for a moment I was actually broken, miserable and spiraling into a deep depression. I played the part so well I had people comment on how they loved I was so happy, but I never was. It never worked, but it was a good show to others. In the end, it made me feel more miserable. I was asking myself, "why can't I actually be happy like this? Why can I only pretend?"

• How I got over it at last.

After 1 year and 3 months of this agonizing ordeal taking over my life, I healed. One night, I went to sleep and I didn't dream of him. Yes, I had thought of him and our relationship semi-obsessively in the day time, but I didn't dream of him. I slept and rested so well for the first time in what felt like forever. The next day, I didn't have too much to do but I didn't need distractions. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anxious and the feeling of heartache was gone. I didn't even think about him or our relationship once that day.
With this newfound freedom from my thoughts, I began to fall in love with the little things. I went on more walks, I hung out with the ducks and geese around me. I loved the way the sun felt on my skin. I began experimenting with my fashion choices. I was able to pick up a new hobby and get deep into it. I went on a vacation, I reconnected with my old friends. Life had meaning again and I could breathe.
As a result however, I fell in love with my own solitude. I made myself happy and I was picking up the pieces and improving my life for myself. My future included me, myself, and I, and I was not interested in dating. Seeing couples and weddings didn't phase me. I was happy for others, but I wasn't thinking the same thing for myself. I was focused on being happy, enjoying life and improving myself as a person. I didn't want to date anymore or put myself out there. I didn't wanna think about men at all, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Obviously I knew I wouldn't feel this negatively about dating forever, but I let myself feel it for as long as my heart did. I was done lying to myself.
Four years have passed now since the breakup. I'm in a committed, long term relationship with another, brilliant, funny and romantic man. I've never felt so loved before. I put myself out there again and succeeded. Life is so different. It's beautiful, it's unique, it's fun and it comes with a lot of lessons. I never think about my ex unless something extremely specific to him or my relationship is brought up or asked about. I feel so detached from it that it's like I'm talking about someone else's relationship. I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. It's liberating. I cried, begged and prayed for days like this and I'm living them now.
I promise you that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how bad it hurts. I've been there, believe me. I thought the world was coming to an end. I made little to no progress until 1 year and 3 months later. It's not a race. Give yourself and your heart time. Grieve, cry, heal, feel hurt. Don't pretend. It will get better, I promise. 💖

I’ve been having anxiety most of my life now however , for a couple of months this random shit has been happening to me. Pretty sure it started happening right after my break up with this one girl which depeleted my mental health state I wanted to kill myself , searching up ways since their is no gun in the house from past sucicide attempts however this is not the part of the discussion it’s the shit that happened after , for a couple of months now I’ve been getting thsi fucking itching and hot tingle ness , I have no fucking idea how to describe it , it’s genuinely just this unbearable hot sensation and it tends to get itchy it happens all over my body and like once it flares up i get dots all over my body like hives or some shit , but I’ve been working with my doctors for over 2 months on this situation I’ve sent pictures I went in to the place , etc , they’ve prescribed me this like shit for my skin this shampoo and said it could be a “pore problem” like with my skin or something. So i was using this wash they gave me this benzoyl peroxide shit I think? Pretty sure I’m just going off the top of my head , anywho they also gave me this like oil thing to put on my skin after I get out , and we also got some allergy medication since they thought it was some allergy thing , and i remember using all of it before a haircut took my shower used the wash used the oil and used the moisturizer they recommended and took a couple allergy pills , got in the car and went there and like 5 mins out from the barber shop i get the ichyness feeling and I start getting hot , and then I look at my hand and the dots are there , and once I see the dots I can’t stop thinking about them no matter what breathing exercises I do I won’t stop thinking abt the dots and once those dots are there they tend to stay till I know or well my body knows were completely out of the situation, and I’ve tried other medication prescribed from my phycatrist which she thought they where hives , and I can easily test out if I get the itchiness and hot tingless by working out since i guess working out gets me all heated up and I’m doing some type of exercise and working my body it tends to make me get the itchiness and hot tingleness not the dots but the hot sensation and itchiness , and they didn’t fucking work. I get these hot sensations and dots and itchiness in public spaces usually , like I’m assuming it’s anxiety based and well I may have some health issue but the doctors literally don’t know cause it’s a symptom of a bunch of things , I guess. But it literally ruined my life , I can’t drive I can’t work I can’t hangout with friends , like I’ll be on the game laughing randomly and I’ll get the hotness sensation and itchiness and decide to walk away and like take a cold shower , I can’t even get fuckign haircuts , it’s genuinely ruining my life and it just started like 5 months ago and my Life has not been the same , im honestly not gonna re read this im just speaking whats on my mind , it’s just fucking ruined my life and the doctors aren’t even really Helping cause I’m assuming they don’t know what it is , but it’s a hot sensation and like tingles that are quite literally unbearable , i was buying a new pc and I literally had to go out of the store cause I was starting to get the hot sensation , when I’m talking I get it when I’m out in public and I feel like people are looking at me and I’m insecure cause ion have a haircut I get the hot sensation , I honestly jsut need help and i came into here to ask about the best products I could literally use to calm down my anxiety, I have a addictive personality so I don’t want to learn towards weed cause it can also flare up my anxiety , I wanted to try cbd products or something , i just need help this is ruining my life.

hey everyone please take your time as I do my very best to describe the condition of everything accurately, in order to eliminate questions. Regardless feel free to reach out to me. All prices are shipped and fee'd via Paypal! Willing to negotiate on bundle purchases!
High Res Nudes: https://imgur.com/a/m1OJTjU
KWA LM4 - little beat up but functions great. only thing to complain about is the bolt catch doesn't always catch. brand new OEM nozzle just installed today. $425 as pictured shipped. $325 shipped just gun and mag.
G&P MAGPUL WOC - next is a fully custom Magpul edition WOC GBBR. Gun functions great with the included ProWin 20rd magazine. Gun is full metal and the previous owner told me it had all steel internals. One thing to note is that it is picky with magazines, It does not function perfectly with WOC PMAGS. This gun is compatible with GHK GMAGS, However it will require a bit of sanding inside the Magwell. Ive started the sanding process but I don’t have the time to finish the project. dummy peq, and red dot is untested. Comes as pictured $320 shipped
SOLD Modify OTS-126** - Fired once and in beautiful condition. comes with a total of 5 short mags. 4 of the mags are leak free, 1 mag upon a full fill will spit back a little but still retains a healthy amount of gas. will include gun, x5 mags, and the red dot, the red dot is a red/green and functions great. original box can be included upon request. Looking for $340 Shipped SOLD
KWA AKG74 - works great but charging handle snapped off. Comes as pictured x2 mags 1 mag has small leak. the stock is after market so it doesn't snap into place when folded. $250 shipped
AIRSOFT GI G4- this is an old school GI G4, not 100% sure on exact model. Gun functions great and has a brand new maple leaf 70 degree bucking. Optic not included. Inner barrel is exposed due to short outer barrel but does have threads for a suppressor. $180 shipped for just the gun and mag. $200 shipped with eotech
WE Colt 1911 MEU - This gun functions amazing, includes x1 leak free mag. It's full metal and feels very good in the hand. The MEU Grips were added, Looking for $85 shipped
SOLD APS MANTIS** - almost brand new, never left the house. x1 non leaky c02 mag. $115 shipped, will include a rear iron sight. SOLD
OPS TACTICAL 1911 - gun is effectively brand new works great x1 non leaky mag. $85 shipped
WE GALAXY - gun is brand new never used. this is the 1911 variant. comes with rmr, but rmr is untested and assumed to be boneyard. x1 non leaky mag $115 shipped
BLACK 1911 - this is the gun under the apex m4. selling as boneyard but is likely an easy fix, not sure what the problem is. does not include a mag. $40 shipped
1911 WITH WOOD GRIPS - works great, missing thumb safety. includes x1 non leaky mag. $60 shipped
KWA KM4 - As you can see this gun is heavily used, but was also purposefully worn by previous owner. The Gun works and a shooting video can be provided at request. however the gun does not shoot in full auto (not sure if previous owner semi locked it) if so it's an easy fix. the gun depending on what mag you use sometimes double fires on semi. this would make an amazing base for a build. The gun is entirely metal, upper and lower receiver and rail, making it very heavy for an aeg. wired to deans, requires a slim battery to fit in buffer. includes gun as pictured and one mag. Looking for $140 shipped
KWA KZ75 - this gun shows many signs of use but functions great. Includes a total of 5 mags all leak free. 3 of the mags are missing their baseplates but this doesn't affect their function. Looking for $175 shipped
SNOW WOLF BARRETT AEG - gun functions great and has never left the house. Cosmetic wear from storage. I was told from the previous owner it had upgrades but I was never given specifics. However I do know that it takes a 11.1v Lipo or stronger to cycle the gearbox. Needless to say it does function.Comes as pictured $260 shipped
SOLD CYBERGUN M249 FEATHERWEIGHT - gun functions great. It is not pictured but it will include the heat shield and original bipod. Only thing to note is that the two body pins that secure the stock to the receiver are gone. I have improvised one of the pins and it holds fairly firm. A replacement pin or screw is an easy hardware store fix. It additionally includes the green box mag but Ive never been able to get a consistent feed from it. Everything upon inspection looks normal but idk, maybe easy fix for someone who knows more about the platform. However the gun feeds great using m4 mags. Comes as pictured $200 SOLD
Esstac kywi - multicam double 5.56 short pouches x2. Brand new. Comes with malice clips. $45 shipped
Id like to stay as close to listed prices as possible but feel free to shoot me an offer. I will prioritize people interested in bundling multiple items I am also willing to make a deal on bundled items will give someone a deal if you take it all! CONUS only No returns or refunds Please ask questions before purchasing NO TRADES Thanks for looking!

Currently he is 37years old & I 32 years old.dorry in advanced it's a long story ,but I think its important to know the past history for the best advice..
We met in 2012 dated 4 years,I broke up with him cause I felt a lack of affection after years together & maybe there was someone else,he promised there was nobody else but,after time my insecurities & instincts said different.as a women we see the signs,there was inconsistencies so I called it...& 2weeks later he texted me asking if I was going to ever tell him about my pregnancy if he didn't ask..👀👀👀Iwas stunned, immediately shot up & I went to the Drs & found out I was 16weeks pregnant with our son.i had irregular periods so a missed period wasn't alarming & I was on birth control.he met me up at the Drs ,we talked it out,we got back together & broke up agin just before Our son being born, he found out he had gotten another woman pregnant during our split & the woman was keeping the child,he wasn't there for our son's birth nor to sign the certificate (his choice)..I got a lawyer & we had all forms ready we just needed him to sign off his rights.he got a lawyer & refused to sign.before court we decided to handle this no lawyers just us raising our son as best as we both could without involvement of the state.
Never the less hes a loving father to our son,not the most active father since he moved 8 hrs away due to work but,he makes it work by having daily communication with our son & financially helping me monthly for my son's expenses we have a shared bank account he adds funds to monthly & anything our son wants or requires sports gears, clothing,shoes etc is all charged into this card.we have a great relationship as friends now.we speak not daily but constantly keep in contact & if we ever need to talk or vent we can normally call each other..it wasn't easy the first few years alot of bickering.
the other women disappeared completely after she found out about my son & I & he never saw or heard of her again,he tried contacting her,but no response all he had was a name & number & eventually the number was disconnected..they had a mutual friend & he's asked for my brothers help since my brother is a private investigator & the woman not long after birthing the bby married & the husband wanted to adopted the child as his own,since he had a motorcycle accident many years ago hurting his man part's causing him to go sterile.. My ex came in contact with them & they wanted to met us & we flew out to meet them in South Carolina & they asked my ex to sign off his rights,which he did after a few days of thinking about it,the boy looks identical to my son,almost like I was looking at my son younger...both the woman & her husband where so sweet & nice people,my ex got to hold his son & I took a picture of them for him to have with both boys..he seemed conflicted & full of regrets after signing,he struggles with this some days,but accepted that maybe this is better for the child.this was in 2018 our son was 3ish 4 years old.
We do family vacations all 3 of us during our sons school breaks & I love them! My son loves them! We have a blast,my son gets to spend time with his parents & see us get along & be friends & all 3 of us just stay partying, sometimes dad & I drink a little bit more than we planned,not waisted just slightly buzzed,we get extra silly & loud & our son says we are more playful when we drink adult grape juice (we are wine🍷ppl) 😂😂🫣 but never get hung over . we brain storm about our next adventure while on vacation I recently took us to Disneyland & DCA during spring break 1 week of fun,I live near Disney so dad stayed with us..this upcoming late June he wants us to go to him & camp in an RV at the beach..he FT me last night showing me the RV his uncle is letting us barrow..its beautiful! queen bed master room &a garage for the golf cart & 2ATV he's letting us use,a separate room with a twin bed ,an attached patio it's luxurious! Kitchen, bathroom/shower..the works! after our call ended,he texted me if id be ok with sharing a bed with him & our son take the twin bed alone,we normally share a bed while on vacation,but usually our son is with us..I was hesitant for a sec ,but I thought about it & thought it would be nice if I wasnt on the edge for once & wake up to my son on top of me or a foot or hand on my face,so i agreed,he's always been respectful & we have boundaries & both respectful of that..
it's been years since we where together,but then he asked if we could have casual sex too.. He mentioned that every vacation we go on he usually craves me & he's started to grow feelings for me agin.i have noticed he's more touchy,but I assumed we where just comfortable around eachother & he said last time he saw me at Disney he'd lean on in me to smell me & when I'd hold his face as he leaned on me he loved it, that it would do things for him.. he adorably asked me to dance with him,I noticed something when I looked in his eyes,I blushed & said "what!?" & He smiled & said "nothing, you just look nice dancing with the castle behind you." We ended the dance with a very well timed spin & a bow from him & a curtsy from me. My son recorded the whole firework show & us dancing & the video ends with him giggling telling his dad he cought us dancing & his dad giving him a thumbs up..almost like it was planned 😂😂..
I'm scared! I don't think I can handle casual sex with this man or a relationship there's a lot of history between us & insecurities that will arise...now I'm nervous about our future co parenting,shits gonna be awkward now.
Suggestions

I got remake intergrade for the PC yesterday, played until leaving Reactor 1 and saved.
Then today zi load the game, and both the autosave and the manual save from a few minutes later, Cloud is walking in circles, and my input does change things but if zi stop pressing wasd or using mous, he goes right back to it. Does anyone know what causes this?
I use keyboard and mouse, no controller, althought I do have a flightstick plugged in which was also recognized by the game as a possible controller. No issues with controlling the game yesterday
Edit: restarted the game and works normal. Still wondering hiw this happened..

Hey man, I was thinking about it and if Godzilla were real I thought to myself how would waste be processed or expelled? What effect would this waste have on the environment and how would it even biodegrade? There are no natural decomposers that break down radioactive waste the way decomposers in every habitat break down animal wastes or carcasses (decomposition) to clean the earth and prevent mass contamination. It could have massive consequences on it own. Picture the consequences man, huge radioactive smoking hot turds baking under the sun contaminating the earth. The amount of methane itself would be disastrous. It would be a new plot point to write the sci-di around Godzilla. Have you ever thought about that and would you like to see this explored in a film?

Okay so me F24 my bf M36 So my bf and I have been together about 3 years the first year was a bit rough but I thought we got passed a certain point. He was sweet to me of course they always are. We went on dates travels hung out together I will say he was on a work trip when I met him and ended up working full time where I was then he ended up leaving to go home he has a child F10 so we call and text mostly never comes to visit so after about a 6 months of him being gone I finally decided to come unfortunately his brother had passed at the time of my arrival emotionally he wasn’t there and I completely understand I just tried to be there for him as much as I could even though there are various things I started to become uncomfortable with like he has 2 men 32 & 29 who live with him and don’t pay rent and they are dirty and I clean as much as can but it’ll still end up looking fucking gross and I’ll talk to him about it and he’ll say he will say something but it still looks the same I don’t even clean anymore they are his family but they have no intentions on leaving and I’m not used to that type of thing we lived together before and he knows that I don’t enjoy having company or being around people constantly but I can’t say much because this isn’t my home but on top of that he has more male and female company EVERYDAY I started to realize we never actually communicate or hang out because he’s always with his company and I just feel like I’m kinda there. Now I do attempt to communicate with him about this time after time and it doesn’t really get me anywhere it just seems to push him more away from me. now i realize when I do talk he legit barley replies he’ll talk to me and converse but if I bring up a topic or speak on something he seems to have no interest but he talks to his friends he very enthusiastic and entertained by them I can tell him something cool I learned or something and he’ll be completely uninterested but if his friends / family says the same thing I said he is intune. It hurts me so bad and I even hang with his kid most of the time we go to the beach, got get snacks , I take his nephews to do things jump park ect and he NEVER COMES and I do realize his brother passed and I’m not trying to be awful but I feel unappreciated and there’s been times he’s said things to me attempting to make feel insecure about myself infront of his friends. He does help me in so many ways but I hate this. We don’t kiss we barley hug we don’t take pictures together or have much intimacy at all especially not anymore. I used to tell myself he’s that person but honestly on his Facebook just right before he met me he has pictures up of other women kissing and all . We have sex and it’s good but it’s no where near as much as we used to and he doesn’t last very long. He pinches me and does shit I don’t like (attempting to flirt) but if I ask him to do anything rub my back hold my hand anything he doesn’t want to.sometimes he acts like he cares but it’s less and less everyday. I’m 20 hours away from my family and it’s just like I came here for nothing. I hate to seem like I’m tripping because if I bring up any of my concerns he makes me feel like it’s for nothing and he has other shit going on and I’m doing to much. Just weird that he would bring me here to miss treat me but anytime I say like if you wanna break up we can he says nothing and then will be sweet momentarily. I just want to know if I need to like wait it out or figure something else? Does this get better ? Is it because of the loss idk what is going on with us and we sleep next to eachother everynight.

I read all this theory, and then don’t remember any of it. It’s like I sit there ingesting all this holy gospel just for my brain to spit it out as soon as I’m done reading. I’m so cooked. I spend all these hours reading and don’t even know what a petty bourgeoisie is. And, it’s not that the theory doesn’t explain it. I either don’t remember the explanations or my lack of reading comprehension skills (literally infantile) cause me to misunderstand every paragraph. It’s as though I’m not even reading anything. I’ll spend hours with Capital and then not even understand what small commodity production is. The problems just keep stacking on top of each other. I try to explain communism to someone and their question goes “how is communism better than capitalism?” and I can’t even formulate a sentence. I just sit there fumbling around, rambling about productive forces, fetters, and crises (doing my best to remember the bare minimum of the principles of communism). It feels futile in a way. I know it’s not. I know theory is important. The theory doesn’t stick with me no matter how hard I try, though. Even when I take notes it’s still impossible to connect the dots. Everything just seems so complex and complicated and I can’t wrap my head around it. And it’s no help that resources besides theory either suck (made by liberals) or are obscure and possibly even more incomprehensible than the theory I’m trying to read. Yesterday I couldn’t even figure out the difference between exchange value and price. Instead of enjoying my dinner, I was obsessing over how market price equaled real value. Don’t even get me started on inflation. I’ve read the first seven chapters of capital, wage labour and capital, and value price and profit, and still can’t understand price. Every little term is a can of worms that I can’t understand. I can barely formulate sentences when I try to explain concepts in theory. Some phrases have chapter long explanations that seem so over bearing and other phrases have two sentence long explanations that don’t go nearly in-depth enough for me. I feel like I’m missing 80% of the puzzle. And in a way that true, I haven’t read nearly enough theory. But, it feels so impossible to get a clear grasp of one thing without knowing everything else. I can’t know everything without knowing everything else. I feel like every term I don’t know has an explanation somewhere else in an obscure article Marx wrote in 1852. I don’t know where anything is or where to find it. Everything is so interconnected and dependent upon each other. I can’t get an understanding of something without forgetting and being unable to connect it with the bigger picture. I can’t get a clear grasp of one thing and move onto the next. I can’t even go chapter by chapter, concepts building off each other. I can’t even do that much. I feel like to understand every little sentence I read, I have to already know every piece of theory that is. Every little text I read seems so isolated and incomplete without some magical complete knowledge of every word Marx wrote. I just don’t feel like a “good” (Marx forgive me for using moral judgement) communist when I don’t know half the things I claim to profess or understand most of the beliefs I hold. I feel so overwhelmed. Comrade I can’t even write a paragraph without writing “I feel like” 500 times. It seems like every big concept is so far outside of my reach. It seems that there’s not enough time to read all the theory I need to read. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know enough, other times I feel like I need to slow down and try not to over-ingest too many concepts. It’s a struggle. I can’t decide whether I want to read the theory that seems interesting to me or read the theory I feel like I need to. It sucks that reading theory feels like a chore. Most of the time it’s not even enjoyable. Most of the theory that seems interesting is too high level for me to under. So again, it feels like I have to read so much before I can even get to the enjoyable part. I suppose reading theory isn’t supposed to be enjoyable more so than a necessity. I just wish there was some way, some tactic I could use to have a more enjoyable reading experience and take more away from the stuff I do read. I don’t know. I want to better myself and read theory like a good little Marxist, but it’s so difficult. The theory is trying to bite me. And when I do take breaks from reading theory, it doesn’t help. I can’t abandon reading theory all together. That would make no sense. But, no matter how long of a break I take, the reading experience doesn’t seem to get any better. I don’t mean to complain like a five years old or an anarchist. I know this isn’t a vent space. There are subreddits for that. But this is the only real and authentic place for actual communist and not deranged liberals with an obsession with commodity production. I know I have to read theory. I know I can’t give up no matter how much I might feel like it. I’m not trying to deny that I need to read theory. I’m not some weird Stalinist who thinks they can get all their theory by watching an online video or listening to a podcast. I just wish there was a way to make it more enjoyable.
That’s all to say, do you comrades have any tips for reading theory?
Also, what’s y’all’s opinions on union hymns? Will listening to them make me some strange syndicalist, proto fascist?

In the desolate wastelands of Moon, where resources were scarce and humanity fractured, three legends piloted titans of steel. Lancelot, the elder, a stoic veteran with a Lancelot robot as impenetrable as his resolve. His massive shield, 'Galahad's Grace,' named after his fallen brother, could turn the tide of battle. Galahad, resurrected not in flesh, but in the advanced AI core of a towering Galahad robot, fought with the tactical brilliance he possessed in life. Gareth, the youngest, piloted a nimble Gareth robot, his courage fuelled by a thirst for vengeance - vengeance for his fallen family, slain in a raider attack.
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Their paths converged under the banner of the Crimson Spear, a ragtag resistance against the tyranny of the megacorporation, Skadi. Lancelot, hardened by the horrors of war, became a mentor to the fiery Gareth. He instilled in him the importance of strategy, teaching him to use Gareth's agility to outmanoeuvre and flank the enemy lumbering juggernauts. Galahad, a silent titan, analysed battle data from his core, whispering tactical adjustments to Lancelot through the comms. The trio became an unstoppable force.
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Lancelot, the unwavering bulwark, absorbed enemy fire with Galahad's Grace, allowing Gareth to weave through the storm, his twin plasma cannons carving a path of destruction. Galahad, the silent strategist, identified weak points and relayed them to Lancelot, who would smash through enemy lines with his mighty lance. They were a trinity - defence, offense, and tactical brilliance.
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One brutal battle changed their destiny. A Skadi base, heavily fortified, threatened to crush the Crimson Spear. Lancelot, ever the hero, charged in first, his shield a beacon of hope. A hidden missile launcher ripped through his defences, mortally wounding him. Gareth, enraged, fought like a cornered beast, but was overwhelmed. As enemy forces closed in, Galahad's core flickered. With a surge of power, he overloaded his own systems, creating a massive EMP blast that crippled the enemy forces. It bought Gareth precious seconds to escape, carrying Lancelot's lifeless form.
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Galahad's sacrifice left only a faint echo in the neural network within the robot. Yet, it fuelled Gareth's resolve. He vowed to honour all three - Lancelot, the fallen mentor; Galahad, the brother-in-arms; and the dream of a free Moon. He became a symbol of hope, a lone warrior piloting the nimble Gareth, forever seeking vengeance and a brighter future.

My daughter turned 2 in February. She was talking at a very early age, could sing the full ABC’s and count to 20 (mostly) around 1.5 and is now practically…reading?? We love reading together and at around 2 she started pointing at the letters on the page rather than the pictures and asking “what’s dat say?” So I would sound it out for her and she can now read simple words like Boo, Mama and Cat. She can now count to 30, memorizes just about every song and is even making up her own, with rhymes! Literally everything she sees or hears she asks “what’s that?” And I explain to her, and the next time we encounter it she explains it back to me verbatim. It’s kind of blowing me away. Yesterday after ballet class instead of saying “good job” I told her “well done! Do you know what that means? That means good job!” And for two days now after I finish a task she says “well done! That means good job!” She has also started describing her dreams to me in detail every morning. Now, my family has told me I was a very clever kid. But I didn’t know two-year-olds could practically read or count to 30 or carry on full conversations using big words. I should mention she is not in daycare. Does this seem normal? I had hoped she’d stay a baby for longer 😭