I've made this account to ask this question about a movie I watched about a month ago on a movie site whilst I was half asleep and dozing off. I've tried so hard for hours and hours but I just cannot find the name of it. I'm sure it is a British movie about a alien invasion or UFO invasion perhaps? It doesn't seem to be old, if I had to guess a year I'd say between 2013 - 2023. It also seemed to have a low budget feeling to it and its not a big name. The overall feel of the movie is sci fi or horror with a focus on some kind of invasion or supernatural event, but I'm not entirely sure if its an alien invasion.
Here's the scenes I remember (they definitely happened):

• Around the beginning of the movie, at night time, a woman exits her house from the front door dreaded with fear, I think she then looks around or up at the night sky and a UFO abducts her or flashes some kind of light. I think she might have had blonde hair and she was wearing a cut top that revealed a large portion of her chest.
  
• Later on there is a scene in a big nightclub party with lots of people. There's a female in a dress drinking and some asian origin (pakistani or indian) dude tries flirting with her, she smiles and reluctantly talks but then I think he tries touching her or doing something else, at which point some white dude tells him to back off or push him away, causing a little scene as he goes away.
  

-Right after the previous scene, the same woman, along with another woman and their partners are inside a underground parking lot where they are talking with each other. The two couples seem to be trying to agree to something or warn each other about some impending doom or danger perhaps?

• Shortly afterwards, both couples are in the same house/building and a scene plays where both couples are having sex in different rooms. One couple seem to be fierce and indulging in it heavily, whereas I think the other were a bit lackluster and motivated. Perhaps I'm wrong and the other didn't do anything at all.

These are sadly the only scenes I remember as I was half asleep and dozed off. I've been wanting to watch the rest of it so badly but I just cannot find its name.
*NOTE*: I may be wrong about the alien/ufo invasion, perhaps it was a war or something, but I'm sure the poster of the movie and name revolved around it.
I've already ruled out movies such as invasion planet earth, attack the block, under the skin, storage 24, comedown, the incident etc. The way I found the movie in the first place is funny, I was on this site called AZnude which is for explicit scenes from movies and TV shows as this TV show I watch didn't feature these deleted scenes, and thats when I came across it. I think at the bottom of the page it shows suggested actresses or something and I clicked on some random one, then her works showed up and thats when the scenes from this movie appeared, however instead of showing just explicit scene it showed like 12 minutes from the movie which seemed real interesting and thats why I was interested to watch the rest of it.
The postelook of the movie had similar feeling to invasion planet earth, alien conquest 2021 etc.

I've made this account to ask this question about a movie I watched about a month ago on a movie site whilst I was half asleep and dozing off. I've tried so hard for hours and hours but I just cannot find the name of it. I'm sure it is a British movie about a alien invasion or UFO invasion perhaps? It doesn't seem to be old, if I had to guess a year I'd say between 2013 - 2023. It also seemed to have a low budget feeling to it and its not a big name. The overall feel of the movie is sci fi or horror with a focus on some kind of invasion or supernatural event, but I'm not entirely sure if its an alien invasion.
Here's the scenes I remember (they definitely happened):

• Around the beginning of the movie, at night time, a woman exits her house from the front door dreaded with fear, I think she then looks around or up at the night sky and a UFO abducts her or flashes some kind of light. I think she might have had blonde hair and she was wearing a cut top that revealed a large portion of her chest.
  
• Later on there is a scene in a big nightclub party with lots of people. There's a female in a dress drinking and some asian origin (pakistani or indian) dude tries flirting with her, she smiles and reluctantly talks but then I think he tries touching her or doing something else, at which point some white dude tells him to back off or push him away, causing a little scene as he goes away.
  

-Right after the previous scene, the same woman, along with another woman and their partners are inside a underground parking lot where they are talking with each other. The two couples seem to be trying to agree to something or warn each other about some impending doom or danger perhaps?

• Shortly afterwards, both couples are in the same house/building and a scene plays where both couples are having sex in different rooms. One couple seem to be fierce and indulging in it heavily, whereas I think the other were a bit lackluster and motivated. Perhaps I'm wrong and the other didn't do anything at all.

These are sadly the only scenes I remember as I was half asleep and dozed off. I've been wanting to watch the rest of it so badly but I just cannot find its name.
*NOTE*: I may be wrong about the alien/ufo invasion, perhaps it was a war or something, but I'm sure the poster of the movie and name revolved around it.
I've already ruled out movies such as invasion planet earth, attack the block, under the skin, storage 24, comedown, the incident etc. The way I found the movie in the first place is funny, I was on this site called AZnude which is for explicit scenes from movies and TV shows as this TV show I watch didn't feature these deleted scenes, and thats when I came across it. I think at the bottom of the page it shows suggested actresses or something and I clicked on some random one, then her works showed up and thats when the scenes from this movie appeared, however instead of showing just explicit scene it showed like 12 minutes from the movie which seemed real interesting and thats why I was interested to watch the rest of it.
The postelook of the movie had similar feeling to invasion planet earth, alien conquest 2021 etc.

We matched on a dating app and I asked to meet up for brunch. I got dressed and everything, then not only does the girl show up late but she shows up looking like she just rolled out of bed, disheveled hair and sweatpants. I know I didn't use the word "date" when I asked and ultimately she was not my type in person, but the low effort disappointed me so much, I spent the whole morning getting ready and deciding what to wear. It makes me wonder if I should've been more explicit even though I was not comfortable being explicit since we barely knew each other. I kind of thought it was implied, you're on a dating site, any meetup comes with the intention to impress which this girl clearly did not do. And my only other match ghosted me.
I am losing hope. I have a very specific type which limits my chances, and also no idea how to meet other wlw's other than dating apps. The thought of randomly showing up to a lesbian bar and asking for juice (I don't like to drink) makes me feel so anxious and awkward, like what am I supposed to do, just sit until a random woman comes over to talk? The idea of nobody coming up to chat honestly makes me feel humiliated just thinking about it. I'm not a very outgoing person. Likewise for local LGBT groups. I've never been the "loud and proud" kind of queer, and being conventionally feminine I can feel it will be difficult to mesh with those folks. Right now I just feel as if everything is stacked against me and I'm doomed to be alone.

Husband fell out of love with me
I'm posting anonymously as this is very humiliating and just not something I'm ready to discuss with anyone I know as of yet. I'm sorry if this is really long but I need advise and to just get all of this off of my chest. Will most likely delete later.
I (26f) have known my husband (28m) since we were young children. We grew up together for a while and then separated for over a decade when our families moved. I moved to a different part of town while he and his family moved to another town and hour and a half away. We hadn't spoken or seen each other until he managed to find me on social media when I was 21. I had been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the time and was having a hard time finding my way out of that situation. When he messaged me I initially didn't even recognize him or his name. I was just going to leave him on read. But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go back and look at his page and that was when I recognized him. He helped me muster the courage I needed to break out of the turmultuious relationship I had been in and then drove an hour and a half just to see me. That meant a lot to me at the time. Shortly after we began our relationship and I quickly fell pregnant. We kept witnessing strange things that hardly felt like coincidences and had both come to the agreement that they we signs from the universe that we were on the correct path.
Fast forward to now. We have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 after next week. We have two very young children together and have weathered many hardships as a couple in this time. In the beginning all was well. My husband still tried. He put in effort where he could. He watched me battle post partum depression after a very traumatic birth experience with our first child. Almost two years later we fell pregnant with our second which I was very apprehensive about because of the troubles I had in my first pregnancy. Things started changing with him after I became pregnant again (which I forget to mention he was initially very happy and excited about) his demeanor toward me had subtly started to change.
He stopped being as loving and affectionate. He seemed annoyed or indifferent to when I was upset or struggling internally. If I was crying or having a hard time he would just walk straight by me not even batting an eye. Before I had our second I lost one of my sisters unexpectedly and still am having a hard time handling the grief. When my sister passed away my husband offered me no condolences or emotional support what so ever. I was forced to face my grief alone. I've tried communicating with him about the way I've been feeling but he is completely emotionally closed off. I began to notice that the man I had married was a very emotionally unavailable person and I had tried to suggest seeking help to work through his communication issues and emotional unavailability but he is heavily against seeing a professional. He refuses still to this day to work on himself as a person at all.
Since having our second child we moved back to the town his family is from. We live in a home, my husband found a new job that he has to get up very early for and works very long hours through the week. When I would bring up how neglected I felt by him he would chalk it up to just being "too tired" "too sore" "too stressed". He puts absolutely no effort into our marriage at all. It's not the example of marriage I want set for our children let alone the fact that it eats away at me, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, and leaves me feeling unwanted, unloved, and like I don't matter at all. It makes it hard for me to be the mother I want to be. I find myself always overstimulated, and I feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty cup.
I'm sure a lot of you will say "sounds like he's cheating" but I'm ashamed to admit that I have checked his phone, he never hides it from me. I found absolutely nothing on it and when he's not working he's always home with us. Just off on his own working on our house or only spending time with the kids or sleeping as he has to be up early. So if he is cheating he must be a professional at it cause he covers his tracks very well.
That brings me to recently. I've had this dull feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have found myself in a loveless marriage. I've been changing my appearance and dressing nicer. Doing my hair and make up more. And it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. Everyday I can feel depression quickly consuming me. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a place I've been working very hard to heal from and not fall back into. But now here I am. My husband's been slightly mean to me with some of the comments he's made about my appearance lately. making me feel completely unlovable and worthless. Everyday that passes without any kind of affection from him has built up in me and finally last night I was so upset. That knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss In my marriage I could no longer surpress. I've been having troubles sleeping. I can barely eat. My body dismorphia is coming back as well as eating disorders I used to have.
Last night I just couldnt sleep. I was so restless with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am and dreamt that I had confronted my husband about my gut feeling to which he admitted he didn't love me in the dream. I woke up feeling distraught because of it. My husband was already up, tending to the kids acting as though everything was fine when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I finally confronted him. I told him about the gut feeling I had and asked him if he still loved me. He said he did. I rephrased the question and asked if he was IN love with me. That's when he looked down and fell silent. My heart plummeted and I began shaking feeling as though my life was crumbling around me. I then asked him if he wasn't in love with me, then was he in love with someone else to which he replied no and seemed sincere about that. I asked him why he had fallen out of love with me and he said because he sometimes felt like I wasn't pulling enough weight with chores. (Which may I add I may not get everything done in a day while tending to young hyperactive kids but I do make sure everyday that he does come house to all the toys picked up and floors swept and vacuumed if anything. And I try to get as many dishes done as I can with kids pulling on my pant sleeves.) So I'm not sure if I believe that to be the true reason. I asked where he wanted to go from here. Did he want me to take the kids and leave and let him pick up where he had left off from before we ever got together or if he wanted me to stay and try to fix our relationship. He said he wished for me to stay and we work on our marriage. I suggested couples counseling and he immediately shot it down saying we could work it out ourselves to which I asked how and then he shrugged and said, verbatim, " I figured you'd just read a book". That was when I got angry. At that moment I knew he wants me to be the one to figure out how to get him to fall back love with me. which in turn means he will not be willing to put any work into actually fixing our marriage. Even after all of this he still won't hardly communicate, still not being affectionate, hell he still hasn't even apologized or shown any remorse for hurting me so deeply.
I'm now at a loss. I'm so hurt by this. I'm humiliated, I feel betrayed. I have so many doubts about him in this moment. I've let him know that I'm not just going to be able to get over this. I severely dissociated after his revelation of no long being in love with me. I'm so upset because I do love him still and have sacrificed everything for him. Absolutely everything. Almost my life included. I told him I'm having a hard time deciding whether I'm going to stay or go. Frankly I just want to disappear from this world.
Does anyone have any insight? What should I do?
TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time. I'm very hurt by his admission of no longer being in love with me and don't think I can move past this. What should I do?

I've made this account to ask this question about a movie I watched about a month ago on a movie site whilst I was half asleep and dozing off. I've tried so hard for hours and hours but I just cannot find the name of it. I'm sure it is a British movie about a alien invasion or UFO invasion perhaps? It doesn't seem to be old, if I had to guess a year I'd say between 2013 - 2023. It also seemed to have a low budget feeling to it and its not a big name. The overall feel of the movie is sci fi or horror with a focus on some kind of invasion or supernatural event, but I'm not entirely sure if its an alien invasion.
Here's the scenes I remember (they definitely happened):

• Around the beginning of the movie, at night time, a woman exits her house from the front door dreaded with fear, I think she then looks around or up at the night sky and a UFO abducts her or flashes some kind of light. I think she might have had blonde hair and she was wearing a cut top that revealed a large portion of her chest.
  
• Later on there is a scene in a big nightclub party with lots of people. There's a female in a dress drinking and some asian origin (pakistani or indian) dude tries flirting with her, she smiles and reluctantly talks but then I think he tries touching her or doing something else, at which point some white dude tells him to back off or push him away, causing a little scene as he goes away.
  

-Right after the previous scene, the same woman, along with another woman and their partners are inside a underground parking lot where they are talking with each other. The two couples seem to be trying to agree to something or warn each other about some impending doom or danger perhaps?

• Shortly afterwards, both couples are in the same house/building and a scene plays where both couples are having sex in different rooms. One couple seem to be fierce and indulging in it heavily, whereas I think the other were a bit lackluster and motivated. Perhaps I'm wrong and the other didn't do anything at all.

These are sadly the only scenes I remember as I was half asleep and dozed off. I've been wanting to watch the rest of it so badly but I just cannot find its name.
*NOTE*: I may be wrong about the alien/ufo invasion, perhaps it was a war or something, but I'm sure the poster of the movie and name revolved around it.
I've already ruled out movies such as invasion planet earth, attack the block, under the skin, storage 24, comedown, the incident etc. The way I found the movie in the first place is funny, I was on this site called AZnude which is for explicit scenes from movies and TV shows as this TV show I watch didn't feature these deleted scenes, and thats when I came across it. I think at the bottom of the page it shows suggested actresses or something and I clicked on some random one, then her works showed up and thats when the scenes from this movie appeared, however instead of showing just explicit scene it showed like 12 minutes from the movie which seemed real interesting and thats why I was interested to watch the rest of it.
The postelook of the movie had similar feeling to invasion planet earth, alien conquest 2021 etc.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok_Outcome3739. She posted in AITAH

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period. Ergo, the newest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: OOP gets answers
Original Post: May 11, 2024
I 29F have a 5F with my ex 32M. We were engaged but never really planned to have kids before marriage or at least for the next few years. I was on the pill and he used protection sometimes but I ended up pregnant. Since it was unplanned. Abortion was on the table. He was more into making it work so both of us decided to keep the baby. I wasn't emotionally prepared but for him love is all it takes to make everything work. Fast forward 6 months he started to change. He would give me the silent treatment if I do something wrong. He wouldn't engage in any conversation about the baby and would just yell at me if I ask what's wrong. I was almost 8 months pregnant when he told me he's just not ready to be a father and can't do both things. It's either fatherhood or his career. I was scared to be a single mother so I told him it's fine I can take care of our baby and be a SAHM until things get better for him, but he refused and made it clear everything is over. Since the house was his I left and went to live with my mom until I found myself a place.
I gave birth to my baby girl and he never came to see her. His mother and sister were there for me and to this day they're still part of my daughter's life. As for him he gave up his parental rights and granted me full custody (legally) but was willing to contribute financially through child support (He voluntarily provides financial support in an amicable arrangement). I'm not proud of it but there are nights I called him just to ask him why did he do that to us. I wasn't even ready but seeing him happy and excited made me think we could make it work together. He never really answered my calls. We used to communicate through his mother or sister or email. I love my baby and won't ever see her as a mistake. I'm still doing my best to be the best mother she deserves. I have a good paying job now and everything is better than before.
Now here's the thing. After 5 years and when I finally feel my life got better and figured out my shit, he wants to get involved. He's been calling and texting me for a week now. He doesn't regret a thing and he's not asking. He's telling me that he has the right to see his daughter and be there for her. How can I trust him not to wake up one day and decide being in her life is a mistake and disappear again? He can do that to me but I just don't want my daughter to get hurt. I told him he can see her but not this way. He wants more than just to see her. He even threatened me if I don't agree then he has no problem telling her in the future how I'm the reason she grew up without a father.
His mother and even my mother want me to just let him into my daughter's life with no exceptions. And I'm not comfortable doing that because I know him. WIBTA if I decide on what's best for our daughter or just suck it up and let him in?
Edit: just wanted to mention English isn't my first language, so sorry if there are any errors. Also sorry if this is a bit long but I wanted to give you all the details.
Relevant Comments:
What the hell changed:
Exactly, I don't know how. He never answered my calls for two years and never wanted to see her for 5 years and now out of nowhere he's blowing up my phone demanding a relationship with her and expecting me to just let him in. Thank you for the advice 🙌🏻
Downvoted Comment:
Commenter: I take it that you trust your mother, that she knows everything that happened just as much as you do, that you don't think she has any malice towards you or your daughter.
If that is the case then it should at least give you pause to question why it is she does not agree with you on this matter and you should at least speak to her and ask her what her reasons are.
This has nothing to do with what you think he deserves. This is entirely about would it be beneficial for your daughter to have a positive relationship with her father and to have him as a presence in her life. You have no right to deny that to your child and if he does tell her you are the reason she grew up without a father, that will be 100% the truth.

OOP: My mother hates to see her daughter being a single mom. I'll be honest here. my family felt ashamed to have a pregnant daughter outside of marriage. she not only wants him back in my daughter's life but she also wishes to see us back together. As for his mother. It's HIS mother I don't need to say more.

Update Post: May 13
He didn't stop with the calls and texts and I read some of the comments wondering why he suddenly wants to be in my daughter's life so I agreed to meet up with him and discuss everything yesterday. We talked for about 30 mins. 30 mins of me trying to explain to him that he literally gave up his parental rights years ago and there's no need for threatening since he legally has no right to see her if I don't allow him. While he was focused on expressing how I haven't changed and complimenting my body. His comments became too much so I decided to just leave but I noticed he was wearing a ring on his right hand and didn't hesitate to ask him about it. He said he proposed a few weeks ago but he thinks he rushed things. I asked him if she knows about my daughter and if this is why he's here. He said no she still doesn't know and he genuinely wants to be part of his daughter's life. He basically spent 30 mins flirting with no shame that he's engaged and showed no sign of being genuinely interested in getting involved. I told him to just forget about my daughter but if he wants to we can see a judge and they can laugh at him. He threatened to cut financial support and I made it clear I never really needed his help. Sending me $1000 once or twice a year with his sister was already no help and I can give back his money if he wants to.
Now I know what I did wrong but it was the only way to get the answer I needed. On my way home I called his sister and lied about how things went. I said that he told me everything and how his fiancée encourages him to be a better person and I think that's why he wants in which is a good thing. His sister told me everything I needed to know. How his fiancée has a good heart and how she didn't like it when she discovered that he has a daughter but never saw her before. She basically wouldn't have said yes if he didn't promise to try and fix things. So both his mother and sister knew the reason he wanted to get back into my daughter's life and his mother encouraged me to let him in without even being honest with me.
So all this wasn't about my daughter. It was about him and impressing his fiancée who was horrified that he wants nothing to do with his daughter. My mother gets it now but his mother called the same day asking what's the plan now. I told her there's no plan. He could have just given me full custody but he wanted nothing to do with her to the point he decided to sign away his rights. And he seemed already fine with the relationship they have which is none. She tried to make me consider letting him in because at the end it's my daughter's decision. My daughter is 5 years old what decision?? Anyway I made it clear to her that both her and her daughter legally aren't my child's family and from now on there will be no alone time with her. And if they keep pressing me I can easily cut them out.
I will discuss this with a lawyer though. I have everything documented and I'm sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on but still. Just in case he tries something.
And let me show you some of his texts that I'm very tempted to get his fiancée's number and send her some screenshots. English isn't our first language so I translated them for you
"Who sees you now would never tell you weren't ready for this. you look happier"
"You know I really didn't know how much I missed you until I saw you today"
"Good night beautiful kiss (my daughter's name) for me"
I don't know if I'm just overreacting but if my fiancé texts his ex this way. I for sure won't find it acceptable.
By the way with him back. I realized that I never really dealt with the way he broke my heart. Maybe I cried but I had to figure out my life as soon as I could for the sake of my daughter. When I gave birth all I started thinking about was my daughter. Even the nights I called him it was never to ask about 'me' it was always about 'us'. I was scared and not ready to be a mom. And now that I'm a mother I've never felt this strong. I don't know what I'm trying to say here but I'm glad how my life turned out.
Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I gathered the courage to see him. I feel so much better. At least now I know I don't have to worry about him shaking my baby's life up 🙌🏻🤍🤍
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Im sorry you have to deal with this jerk op. So many people in your og post called it. He’s only interested in your daughter because of his new woman
Honesty block him and go very lc with his family because they are not looking out for your or your daughters best interest

OOP: Thank you. I'm planning to do that but he's still not done with the threats about telling lies to my daughter. I'm trying to gather everything I can before I block him.

Commenter: Ask the sister for the fiancée's number, say he forgot to give it to you.
Something tells me you'll be bonding over his abandoned children in a few years.

OOP: Love the idea🙌🏻 shared trauma makes for great bounding material 😂🙌🏻🤍

​

A quick rundown of how the mat service works at my trust. You don't have a named midwife. You have a number that gives you 5 options for outpatients, the various wards, and the emergency triage. I have no way of contacting a midwife directly. My GP basically tells me that any care I want I have to get through mat services and won't see me. And I'm really at a loss because the only way of contact I have is the emergency triage which I don't think I should call with this issue.
So the issue: I think I have pelvic girdle pain. I'm struggling to move around. I feel like my left leg is out of its socket and it grinds and clicks when I walk. I also have a lot of pressure in the downstairs area and I suspect I'm leaking/incontinent due to the pressure. I also get pains up my back and down my legs when I doing anything other than lying down. Which also starts to hurt after a while. I can't turn over in bed. I can't get out of the car. I can't get dressed properly. I'm just suffering and really upset by it. I also feel dizzy sometimes, and like my core muscles and back can't handle holding my belly up. Should I just call the triage line as I have no other contact method? Or will a walk in centre see me? Or should I demand the GP sees me?
FYI I'm 24 weeks today, but my belly has really popped already and I'm getting a lot of comments asking me if my dating is right (due in september) due to my size. It's also my first and I keep getting told I shouldn't be this big yet. I am small framed and was quite thin before getting pregnant so i don't know if this is normal or not.

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still . She posted in and .
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)

OOP: I really do think this is over. My fiancé's parents don't know when or where we're getting married, so I'm not worried about them showing up. They haven't reached out to us in months, and we have no interest in contacting them.

Background:
The continent of Gêde is a sprawling land of diverse biomes, vegetation, and different walks of life. Humans, animals, fairies, orcs, vampires. All sorts of creatures inhabit the land and over thousands of years, have formed civilizations, villages, and kingdoms.
There are three prominent kingdoms in Gêde. In the northwestern temperate regions lies the kingdom of [writer’s choice]. In the northeast mountain ranges of Gêde lies Sovia, a kingdom of ice and snow, which is ruled by powerful warlords and greedy kings.Sovia is inhabited by frost giants, yetis, and uldra. But the monarchy consists of a long lineage of Vampyres who have taken favor of the sprawling, mineral-rich land and everlasting arctic nights. Down towards the tropical Niraqian Sea stretches the smaller peninsula kingdom of Al-Khuna. This kingdom, fertile by the sun and sea, is dominated by humans and sun elves on land and Suvannamacchi—mermaid-like creatures—in the sea. Al-Khuna was particularly rich in spices, exotic vegetation, silks, and it was said to have had enough gold to make the sun god himself jealous of the kingdom’s radiance.
Well. that was 100 years ago.
For the last century, the royal Al-Khunian kings of the family Farashi had made some…rather critical financial decisions, mostly driven by greed, ignorance, and arrogance. It was always rumored by the other neighboring kingdoms that one day Al-Khuna would collapse under its own rule. The economy was rapidly beginning to collapse. The frivolous spending, greed, and ignorance of the late Raja, his father before him, and his father before him had plunged the land into its downfall. The entire kingdom had gone into a deep famine, and poverty was running rampant. Even as the old generations of the royal family died off and the new generations were coronated, no one could solve the famine. Drought plagued the land, and trading ports were not outputting enough goods to bring in profit. Al-Khuna was growing desperate.
The Raja should have approached the king in the northwest for help. Perhaps then, Al-Khuna might have been saved. But no. Stupidly, Al-Khuna had struck a deal with Sovia.
All Sovia needed to do was provide food and money and the Al-Khunians would sell their services in any way possible, but more conflicts were arising. The Sovians would demand services and goods that the Al-Khunians did not want to provide, but the Sovians were demanding more payment than what was originally agreed upon. Contracts were broken, and loopholes were taken advantage of. The Raja of Al-Khuna made impulsive mistakes that ultimately left too many vital parts of Al-Khuna as collateral.
A war broke out, but Sovia was too powerful. The Raja of Al-Khuna was too proud to surrender, and when he and his Rani were finally assassinated by the Sovians, every kingdom in Gêde watched as Al-Khuna fell under Sovian control.
The only ones of the Farashi line that were spared were the young Prince Adan and his baby sister Princess Iirana, who were ordered by the Sovians to be taken far away where they would not cause any trouble. It was against Sovian morals, of course, to spare children when decimating an entire country.
Prince Adan remembered the massacre, however, and as his birthright to the throne, he planned well into his adulthood how to regain control of Al-Khuna.
~
The Prompt:
"Go! GO! Into the woods!" The booming voice of the prince was nearly drowned out by the sounds of screams, cannons, metal clashing against metal, and destruction. Another battle was raging mercilessly, this time right in the heart of Al-Khuna... It started as a failed assassination attempt on the Sovian prince, who was to marry Princess Iirana—who was now 21. It was all planned out by Prince Adan to regain control of Al-Khuna. They were to arrange matrimony between Prince Veric and Princess Iirana. They were to meet during the Festival of Lights, an annual Al-Khunian traditional party held every Summer Solstice. Iirana was to seduce him, take him somewhere private, and kill him with a kiss with the nightshade painted on her lips.
The Sovian guards saw right through the plan, and all hell broke loose.
Iirana and Adan managed to flee the palace. Shouts and commands could be heard somewhere in the disarray of the battle as Sovian soldiers attempted to track and pursue them. Adan grabbed Iirana's hand and led her through the fray. They ran for what seemed like hours, and they had almost made it to the edge of the kingdom before the prince collapsed with a painful thud. "Adan?" Iirana's eyes widened at the sight of a Sovian arrow impaling right through his leg. He sucked in a sharp breath and yelled through his teeth, "Don't wait for me! Into the woods, Iirana, NOW!!"
She wanted to protest, she wanted to drag him with her, but she knew better, and she fought herself as she fled far into the forest. Far, far away from the raging battle, the screams, the clashing of weapons, and the collapse of buildings on fire. She did not look back to see what had become of her brother.
Al-Khuna was destroyed. The Sovians would make sure there was nothing left for Iirana to return to. The only direction she could go for another safe civilization was northwest across the entire continent.
And that she did.

~
The scene:
“Your Highness! My Lord!” Rowan, The captain of the Royal Guard of the northwestern castle barged into the throne room, interrupting the business his king was attending to. He never behaved in such a manner, and certainly never barged in without a formal announcement. His eyes seemed wide with confusion and urgency, and behind him, two guards were slowly escorting a female figure between them.
“Please forgive me for this sudden intrusion, my lord, but—” Rowan turned his head to watch as his armored men came closer, and the figure slowly becoming more visible to their ruler on the throne.
They had her held firm by arms, but she was not cuffed. She did not seem to struggle either, but rather allowed them to guide her where they wanted her. She was young. Human. Although like no human in this kingdom. She was dressed in a ragged gray peasant dress and black cloak. Her skin was a dark olive tone, as if kissed by the sun god himself. Her fingers and hands were adorned with swirling intricate curlicues of a faded red stain. Her feet were bare, painted with the same patterns. Her hair was thick and falling over her shoulders like tendrils of endless black night. Her dark downcast amber eyes seemed…tired. Empty. Dark circles plagued her gaunt face; it was clear that she hadn’t eaten in some time, it seemed like she hadn’t slept in…months. The tightness of her pupils resembled that of an old warrior, one who had seen death and was forever haunted by the horrors of the past.
This was not a normal girl. Not one that was from anywhere near here.
“My lord,” Rowan straightened as he spoke. “She says she is from Al-Khuna. Says she had been traveling for several months. Says she fled from a Sovian attack. They’d apparently done a massacre. Says she escaped.” He spoke rapidly, trying to recount everything that she had told the guards when she initially approached the castle. They didn’t believe her at first, but upon looking at her foreign appearance, they knew they needed to get her to the king right away for his judgment. After that encounter, however, she hadn’t said another word. The exhaustion was simply too much.
After Rowan spoke, the young woman slowly raised her head to meet the king’s eyes. As exhausted as she appeared, there was a certain look about her. There was a certain fire in her eyes that told him that she did indeed come from a powerful line. And she had seen things that only true hell could produce.
My HARD Rules:
I only roleplay on Discord.
I roleplay in 3rd person only.
Advance-lit only. I write with detail and flesh out 2 to 3, sometimes even 5-paragraph responses. I expect my partner to hold the same writing standard.
You must be 18+. This roleplay will contain adult themes like gore, violence, and possibly sexual themes.
I am in US Central Time.
Explore your creative freedom! You'll be playing the "leader" of the northwestern kingdom (you get to name the kingdom as well), whether that be king, prince, emperor, or whatever you'd like to call your character. Have your kingdom be any race you want! Humans, elves, orcs, vampires, etc., or make up your very own! They can of course have magic or any other special traits that you'd like. This is your domain to play with.
Thank you for reading this rather long prompt. If you are interested, please message or DM me through Reddit with your RESPONSE to the prompt, as if you are starting the roleplay with me. I want to see how your writing is and if you are what I’m looking for. If you are not interested, thank you anyway for your time, and happy roleplaying!

Background:
The continent of Gêde is a sprawling land of diverse biomes, vegetation, and different walks of life. Humans, animals, fairies, orcs, vampires. All sorts of creatures inhabit the land and over thousands of years, have formed civilizations, villages, and kingdoms.
There are three prominent kingdoms in Gêde. In the northwestern temperate regions lies the kingdom of [writer’s choice]. In the northeast mountain ranges of Gêde lies Sovia, a kingdom of ice and snow, which is ruled by powerful warlords and greedy kings.Sovia is inhabited by frost giants, yetis, and uldra. But the monarchy consists of a long lineage of Vampyres who have taken favor of the sprawling, mineral-rich land and everlasting arctic nights. Down towards the tropical Niraqian Sea stretches the smaller peninsula kingdom of Al-Khuna. This kingdom, fertile by the sun and sea, is dominated by humans and sun elves on land and Suvannamacchi—mermaid-like creatures—in the sea. Al-Khuna was particularly rich in spices, exotic vegetation, silks, and it was said to have had enough gold to make the sun god himself jealous of the kingdom’s radiance.
Well. that was 100 years ago.
For the last century, the royal Al-Khunian kings of the family Farashi had made some…rather critical financial decisions, mostly driven by greed, ignorance, and arrogance. It was always rumored by the other neighboring kingdoms that one day Al-Khuna would collapse under its own rule. The economy was rapidly beginning to collapse. The frivolous spending, greed, and ignorance of the late Raja, his father before him, and his father before him had plunged the land into its downfall. The entire kingdom had gone into a deep famine, and poverty was running rampant. Even as the old generations of the royal family died off and the new generations were coronated, no one could solve the famine. Drought plagued the land, and trading ports were not outputting enough goods to bring in profit. Al-Khuna was growing desperate.
The Raja should have approached the king in the northwest for help. Perhaps then, Al-Khuna might have been saved. But no. Stupidly, Al-Khuna had struck a deal with Sovia.
All Sovia needed to do was provide food and money and the Al-Khunians would sell their services in any way possible, but more conflicts were arising. The Sovians would demand services and goods that the Al-Khunians did not want to provide, but the Sovians were demanding more payment than what was originally agreed upon. Contracts were broken, and loopholes were taken advantage of. The Raja of Al-Khuna made impulsive mistakes that ultimately left too many vital parts of Al-Khuna as collateral.
A war broke out, but Sovia was too powerful. The Raja of Al-Khuna was too proud to surrender, and when he and his Rani were finally assassinated by the Sovians, every kingdom in Gêde watched as Al-Khuna fell under Sovian control.
The only ones of the Farashi line that were spared were the young Prince Adan and his baby sister Princess Iirana, who were ordered by the Sovians to be taken far away where they would not cause any trouble. It was against Sovian morals, of course, to spare children when decimating an entire country.
Prince Adan remembered the massacre, however, and as his birthright to the throne, he planned well into his adulthood how to regain control of Al-Khuna.
~
The Prompt:
"Go! GO! Into the woods!" The booming voice of the prince was nearly drowned out by the sounds of screams, cannons, metal clashing against metal, and destruction. Another battle was raging mercilessly, this time right in the heart of Al-Khuna... It started as a failed assassination attempt on the Sovian prince, who was to marry Princess Iirana—who was now 21. It was all planned out by Prince Adan to regain control of Al-Khuna. They were to arrange matrimony between Prince Veric and Princess Iirana. They were to meet during the Festival of Lights, an annual Al-Khunian traditional party held every Summer Solstice. Iirana was to seduce him, take him somewhere private, and kill him with a kiss with the nightshade painted on her lips.
The Sovian guards saw right through the plan, and all hell broke loose.
Iirana and Adan managed to flee the palace. Shouts and commands could be heard somewhere in the disarray of the battle as Sovian soldiers attempted to track and pursue them. Adan grabbed Iirana's hand and led her through the fray. They ran for what seemed like hours, and they had almost made it to the edge of the kingdom before the prince collapsed with a painful thud. "Adan?" Iirana's eyes widened at the sight of a Sovian arrow impaling right through his leg. He sucked in a sharp breath and yelled through his teeth, "Don't wait for me! Into the woods, Iirana, NOW!!"
She wanted to protest, she wanted to drag him with her, but she knew better, and she fought herself as she fled far into the forest. Far, far away from the raging battle, the screams, the clashing of weapons, and the collapse of buildings on fire. She did not look back to see what had become of her brother.
Al-Khuna was destroyed. The Sovians would make sure there was nothing left for Iirana to return to. The only direction she could go for another safe civilization was northwest across the entire continent.
And that she did.

~
The scene:
“Your Highness! My Lord!” Rowan, The captain of the Royal Guard of the northwestern castle barged into the throne room, interrupting the business his king was attending to. He never behaved in such a manner, and certainly never barged in without a formal announcement. His eyes seemed wide with confusion and urgency, and behind him, two guards were slowly escorting a female figure between them.
“Please forgive me for this sudden intrusion, my lord, but—” Rowan turned his head to watch as his armored men came closer, and the figure slowly becoming more visible to their ruler on the throne.
They had her held firm by arms, but she was not cuffed. She did not seem to struggle either, but rather allowed them to guide her where they wanted her. She was young. Human. Although like no human in this kingdom. She was dressed in a ragged gray peasant dress and black cloak. Her skin was a dark olive tone, as if kissed by the sun god himself. Her fingers and hands were adorned with swirling intricate curlicues of a faded red stain. Her feet were bare, painted with the same patterns. Her hair was thick and falling over her shoulders like tendrils of endless black night. Her dark downcast amber eyes seemed…tired. Empty. Dark circles plagued her gaunt face; it was clear that she hadn’t eaten in some time, it seemed like she hadn’t slept in…months. The tightness of her pupils resembled that of an old warrior, one who had seen death and was forever haunted by the horrors of the past.
This was not a normal girl. Not one that was from anywhere near here.
“My lord,” Rowan straightened as he spoke. “She says she is from Al-Khuna. Says she had been traveling for several months. Says she fled from a Sovian attack. They’d apparently done a massacre. Says she escaped.” He spoke rapidly, trying to recount everything that she had told the guards when she initially approached the castle. They didn’t believe her at first, but upon looking at her foreign appearance, they knew they needed to get her to the king right away for his judgment. After that encounter, however, she hadn’t said another word. The exhaustion was simply too much.
After Rowan spoke, the young woman slowly raised her head to meet the king’s eyes. As exhausted as she appeared, there was a certain look about her. There was a certain fire in her eyes that told him that she did indeed come from a powerful line. And she had seen things that only true hell could produce.
My HARD Rules:
I only roleplay on Discord.
I roleplay in 3rd person only.
Advance-lit only. I write with detail and flesh out 2 to 3, sometimes even 5-paragraph responses. I expect my partner to hold the same writing standard.
You must be 18+. This roleplay will contain adult themes like gore, violence, and possibly sexual themes.
I am in US Central Time.
Explore your creative freedom! You'll be playing the "leader" of the northwestern kingdom (you get to name the kingdom as well), whether that be king, prince, emperor, or whatever you'd like to call your character. Have your kingdom be any race you want! Humans, elves, orcs, vampires, etc., or make up your very own! They can of course have magic or any other special traits that you'd like. This is your domain to play with.
Thank you for reading this rather long prompt. If you are interested, please message or DM me through Reddit with your RESPONSE to the prompt, as if you are starting the roleplay with me. I want to see how your writing is and if you are what I’m looking for. If you are not interested, thank you anyway for your time, and happy roleplaying!

Background:
The continent of Gêde is a sprawling land of diverse biomes, vegetation, and different walks of life. Humans, animals, fairies, orcs, vampires. All sorts of creatures inhabit the land and over thousands of years, have formed civilizations, villages, and kingdoms.
There are three prominent kingdoms in Gêde. In the northwestern temperate regions lies the kingdom of [writer’s choice]. In the northeast mountain ranges of Gêde lies Sovia, a kingdom of ice and snow, which is ruled by powerful warlords and greedy kings.Sovia is inhabited by frost giants, yetis, and uldra. But the monarchy consists of a long lineage of Vampyres who have taken favor of the sprawling, mineral-rich land and everlasting arctic nights. Down towards the tropical Niraqian Sea stretches the smaller peninsula kingdom of Al-Khuna. This kingdom, fertile by the sun and sea, is dominated by humans and sun elves on land and Suvannamacchi—mermaid-like creatures—in the sea. Al-Khuna was particularly rich in spices, exotic vegetation, silks, and it was said to have had enough gold to make the sun god himself jealous of the kingdom’s radiance.
Well. that was 100 years ago.
For the last century, the royal Al-Khunian kings of the family Farashi had made some…rather critical financial decisions, mostly driven by greed, ignorance, and arrogance. It was always rumored by the other neighboring kingdoms that one day Al-Khuna would collapse under its own rule. The economy was rapidly beginning to collapse. The frivolous spending, greed, and ignorance of the late Raja, his father before him, and his father before him had plunged the land into its downfall. The entire kingdom had gone into a deep famine, and poverty was running rampant. Even as the old generations of the royal family died off and the new generations were coronated, no one could solve the famine. Drought plagued the land, and trading ports were not outputting enough goods to bring in profit. Al-Khuna was growing desperate.
The Raja should have approached the king in the northwest for help. Perhaps then, Al-Khuna might have been saved. But no. Stupidly, Al-Khuna had struck a deal with Sovia.
All Sovia needed to do was provide food and money and the Al-Khunians would sell their services in any way possible, but more conflicts were arising. The Sovians would demand services and goods that the Al-Khunians did not want to provide, but the Sovians were demanding more payment than what was originally agreed upon. Contracts were broken, and loopholes were taken advantage of. The Raja of Al-Khuna made impulsive mistakes that ultimately left too many vital parts of Al-Khuna as collateral.
A war broke out, but Sovia was too powerful. The Raja of Al-Khuna was too proud to surrender, and when he and his Rani were finally assassinated by the Sovians, every kingdom in Gêde watched as Al-Khuna fell under Sovian control.
The only ones of the Farashi line that were spared were the young Prince Adan and his baby sister Princess Iirana, who were ordered by the Sovians to be taken far away where they would not cause any trouble. It was against Sovian morals, of course, to spare children when decimating an entire country.
Prince Adan remembered the massacre, however, and as his birthright to the throne, he planned well into his adulthood how to regain control of Al-Khuna.
~
The Prompt:
"Go! GO! Into the woods!" The booming voice of the prince was nearly drowned out by the sounds of screams, cannons, metal clashing against metal, and destruction. Another battle was raging mercilessly, this time right in the heart of Al-Khuna... It started as a failed assassination attempt on the Sovian prince, who was to marry Princess Iirana—who was now 21. It was all planned out by Prince Adan to regain control of Al-Khuna. They were to arrange matrimony between Prince Veric and Princess Iirana. They were to meet during the Festival of Lights, an annual Al-Khunian traditional party held every Summer Solstice. Iirana was to seduce him, take him somewhere private, and kill him with a kiss with the nightshade painted on her lips.
The Sovian guards saw right through the plan, and all hell broke loose.
Iirana and Adan managed to flee the palace. Shouts and commands could be heard somewhere in the disarray of the battle as Sovian soldiers attempted to track and pursue them. Adan grabbed Iirana's hand and led her through the fray. They ran for what seemed like hours, and they had almost made it to the edge of the kingdom before the prince collapsed with a painful thud. "Adan?" Iirana's eyes widened at the sight of a Sovian arrow impaling right through his leg. He sucked in a sharp breath and yelled through his teeth, "Don't wait for me! Into the woods, Iirana, NOW!!"
She wanted to protest, she wanted to drag him with her, but she knew better, and she fought herself as she fled far into the forest. Far, far away from the raging battle, the screams, the clashing of weapons, and the collapse of buildings on fire. She did not look back to see what had become of her brother.
Al-Khuna was destroyed. The Sovians would make sure there was nothing left for Iirana to return to. The only direction she could go for another safe civilization was northwest across the entire continent.
And that she did.

~
The scene:
“Your Highness! My Lord!” Rowan, The captain of the Royal Guard of the northwestern castle barged into the throne room, interrupting the business his king was attending to. He never behaved in such a manner, and certainly never barged in without a formal announcement. His eyes seemed wide with confusion and urgency, and behind him, two guards were slowly escorting a female figure between them.
“Please forgive me for this sudden intrusion, my lord, but—” Rowan turned his head to watch as his armored men came closer, and the figure slowly becoming more visible to their ruler on the throne.
They had her held firm by arms, but she was not cuffed. She did not seem to struggle either, but rather allowed them to guide her where they wanted her. She was young. Human. Although like no human in this kingdom. She was dressed in a ragged gray peasant dress and black cloak. Her skin was a dark olive tone, as if kissed by the sun god himself. Her fingers and hands were adorned with swirling intricate curlicues of a faded red stain. Her feet were bare, painted with the same patterns. Her hair was thick and falling over her shoulders like tendrils of endless black night. Her dark downcast amber eyes seemed…tired. Empty. Dark circles plagued her gaunt face; it was clear that she hadn’t eaten in some time, it seemed like she hadn’t slept in…months. The tightness of her pupils resembled that of an old warrior, one who had seen death and was forever haunted by the horrors of the past.
This was not a normal girl. Not one that was from anywhere near here.
“My lord,” Rowan straightened as he spoke. “She says she is from Al-Khuna. Says she had been traveling for several months. Says she fled from a Sovian attack. They’d apparently done a massacre. Says she escaped.” He spoke rapidly, trying to recount everything that she had told the guards when she initially approached the castle. They didn’t believe her at first, but upon looking at her foreign appearance, they knew they needed to get her to the king right away for his judgment. After that encounter, however, she hadn’t said another word. The exhaustion was simply too much.
After Rowan spoke, the young woman slowly raised her head to meet the king’s eyes. As exhausted as she appeared, there was a certain look about her. There was a certain fire in her eyes that told him that she did indeed come from a powerful line. And she had seen things that only true hell could produce.
My HARD Rules:
I only roleplay on Discord.
I roleplay in 3rd person only.
Advance-lit only. I write with detail and flesh out 2 to 3, sometimes even 5-paragraph responses. I expect my partner to hold the same writing standard.
You must be 18+. This roleplay will contain adult themes like gore, violence, and possibly sexual themes.
I am in US Central Time.
Explore your creative freedom! You'll be playing the "leader" of the northwestern kingdom (you get to name the kingdom as well), whether that be king, prince, emperor, or whatever you'd like to call your character. Have your kingdom be any race you want! Humans, elves, orcs, vampires, etc., or make up your very own! They can of course have magic or any other special traits that you'd like. This is your domain to play with.
Thank you for reading this rather long prompt. If you are interested, please message or DM me through Reddit with your RESPONSE to the prompt, as if you are starting the roleplay with me. I want to see how your writing is and if you are what I’m looking for. If you are not interested, thank you anyway for your time, and happy roleplaying!

Yes. ISIS does exactly what Muhammad did in the 7th century. And it also adopts a lot of what the subsequent “rightly guided” caliphs did. Because after all, ISIS is a Salafi organization (Salaf- as in “Al-Salaf Al-Saleh” = the rightly guided predecessors - referring to the four “rightly guided” caliphs following Muhammad).
Long answer:
Let’s take a look first what ISIS is doing. If we can agree what these “atrocities” are, then we can look further and dig deeper whether we can find something similar in Islamic scripture and history.
So, here’s what ISIS does:
BEHEADING OF PRISONERS
Scriptural base:
Qur’an 8:12- “I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers: smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off.”
Qur’an 47:4- “Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers (in fight), strike off their heads; at length; then when you have made wide Slaughter among them, carefully tie up the remaining captives”: thereafter (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: Until the war lays down its burdens.”
What Muhammad did:
Then the Messenger of Allah commanded that ditches should be dug, so they were dug in the earth, and they were brought tied by their shoulders, and were beheaded. There were between seven hundred and eight hundred of them. The children who had not yet reached adolescence and the women were taken prisoner, and their wealth was seized.
Tafsir Ibn Kathir - The Campaign against Banu Qurayzah
Narrated Aisha . . . No woman of Banu [tribe] Qurayzah was killed except one. She was with me, talking and laughing on her back and belly (extremely), while the Apostle of Allah . . . was killing her people with the swords. Suddenly a man called her name: Where is so-and-so? . . . I asked: What is the matter with you? She said: I did a new act. [Aisha] said: The man took her and beheaded her. [Aisha] said: I will not forget that she was laughing extremely although she knew that she would be killed. (Abu Dawud)
TAKING FEMALE SEX-SLAVES
Scriptural base:
Qur’an - 4:24 - "And all married women are forbidden unto you save those captives whom your right hand possess. It is a decree of Allah for you.
What Muhammad did:
Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2, # 2150:
Abu Said al-Khudri said: "The apostle of Allah sent a military expedition to Awtas on the occasion of the battle of Hunain. They met their enemy and fought with them. They defeated them and took them captives. Some of the Companions of the apostle of Allah were reluctant to have intercourse with the female captives in the presence of their husbands who were unbelievers. So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Quranic verse, "And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those (captives) whom your right hands possess". That is to say, they are lawful for them when they complete their waiting period." (See Qur’an 4:24 above)
Sahih Bukhari Vol.3 #432
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri that while he was sitting with Allah's messenger we said, "Oh Allah's messenger, we got female captives as our booty, and we are interested in their prices, what is your opinion about coitus interruptus?" The prophet said, "Do you really do that? It is better for you not to do it. No soul that which Allah has destined to exist, but will surely come into existence."
Sahih Muslim, Vol.2, #3371
Abu Sirma said to Abu Said al Khudri: "O Abu Said, did you hear Allah's messenger mentioning about al-azl (coitus interruptus)?" He said, "Yes", and added: "We went out with Allah's messenger on the expedition to the Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing azl" (withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid conception). But we said: "We are doing an act whereas Allah's messenger is amongst us; why not ask him?" So we asked Allah's messenger and he said: "It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born".
Kitab al-Tabaqat al-Kabir, page 151
"He [the Lord of Alexandria] presented to the prophet Mariyah, her sister Sirin, a donkey and a mule which was white....The apostle of Allah liked Mariyah who was of white complexion and curly hair and pretty.... Then he cohabited with Mariyah as a handmaid and sent her to his property which he had acquired from Banu al-Nadir."
Tabari's History, volume 39, page 194
"He (Muhammad) used to visit her (Mariyam) there and ordered her to veil herself, [but] he had intercourse with her by virtue of her being his property."
THROWING DOWN HOMOSEXUALS FROM ROOFS AND STONING THEM AFTERWARDS
Scriptural base:
Qur'an 4:16 If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful.
Sunan Abu Dawud 38:4447 Narated By Abdullah ibn Abbas : The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If you find anyone doing as Lot's people did, kill the one who does it, and the one to whom it is done.
What Muhammad and companions did:
Mishkat, vol. 1, p. 765, Prescribed Punishments
Ibn Abbas and Abu Huraira reported God's messenger as saying, 'Accursed is he who does what Lot's people did.' In a version...on the authority of Ibn Abbas it says that Ali [Muhammad's cousin and son-in-law] had two people “burned” and that Abu Bakr [Muhammad's chief companion] had a wall thrown down on them.
Modern Exegesis:
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, Islam Q&A, Fatwa No. 5177
Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq judged in accordance with this, and he wrote instructions to this effect to Khaalid, after consulting with the Sahaabah. ‘Ali was the strictest of them with regard to that. Ibn al-Qasaar and our shaykh said: the Sahaabah agreed that [the person who does homosexual acts] should be killed, but they differed as to how he should be killed. Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq said that he should be thrown down from a cliff. ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that a wall should be made to collapse on him. Ibn ‘Abbaas said, they should be killed by stoning. This shows that there was consensus among them that [the person who does homosexual acts] should be killed, but they differed as to how he should be executed. This is similar to the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning the person who has intercourse with a woman who is his mahram [incest], because in both cases intercourse is not permitted under any circumstances. Hence the connection was made in the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Whoever you find doing the deed of the people of Loot, kill them.” And it was also reported that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a woman who is his mahram, kill him.” And according to another hadeeth with the same isnaad, “Whoever has intercourse with an animal, kill him and kill the animal with him.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 2420; Abu Dawood, 4464; al-Tirmidhi, 1454; al-Haakim, 4/355).
Imam Sirajudeen Bakrin, Nigerian Tribune, December 30, 2011
However, there is a divergence of opinions on the methodology to be used in executing the punishment. While some scholars such as Abu bakr [the first Rightly-Guided Caliph] and Ali [Muhammad's son-in-law and the fourth Rightly-Guided Caliph ] were of the view that such a person should be beheaded and set on fire thereafter, Umar [the second Rightly-Guided Caliph] and Uthman [the third Rightly-Guided Caliph] thought the wall should be fell on him. To Ibn Abbas [Muhammad's cousin], he should be taken to the tallest building in the town, thrown upside down while some men stand on the ground waiting to meet him with stone in replication of the destruction done to the people of Lut (Lot) by Allah.
STONING OF ADULTERERS
Scriptural base & what Muhammad did:
Sahih Bukhari (6:60:79) - Two people guilty of illegal intercourse are brought to Muhammad, who orders them both stoned to death.
Sahih Muslim (17:4192) - "in case of married (persons) there is (a punishment) of one hundred lashes and then stoning (to death). And in case of unmarried persons, (the punishment) is one hundred lashes and exile for one year"
Sahih Muslim (17:4196) - A married man confesses to adultery. Muhammad orders him planted in the ground and pelted with stones. According to the passage, the first several stones caused such pain that he tried to escape and had to be dragged back.
Sahih Muslim (17:4206) - A woman who became pregnant confesses to Muhammad that she is guilty of adultery. Muhammad allows her to have the child, then has her stoned.
The description is graphic: "Khalid b Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and there spurted blood on the face of Khalid and so he abused her."
Ibn Ishaq (970)

• "The adulterer must be stoned." These words were a part of Muhammad's farewell address to his people on the occasion of his final pilgrimage to Mecca.

ASSASSINATION OF POLITICAL OPPONENTS & “SLANDERERS OF ISLAM”
What Muhammad did:
Bukhari vol.3 book 45 ch.3 no.687 p.415.
(687) Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: Allah's Apostle said, 'Who would kill Ka'b bin Al-Ashraf as he has harmed Allah and His Apostle? Muhammad bin Maslama (got up and) said, 'I will kill him.' So, Muhammad bin Maslama went to Ka'b and said, 'I want a loan of one or two Wasqs of foodgrains.'" After dickering over what to hold as mortgage, they agreed that Muhammad bin Maslama would mortgage his weapons. So he promised him that he would come with his weapons next time."
Source: Ibn Ishaq, pp. 675-76 / 995-96.
Asma was a poetess who belonged to a tribe of Medinan pagans, and whose husband was named Yazid b. Zayd. She composed a poem blaming the Medinan pagans for obeying a stranger (Muhammad) and for not taking the initiative to attack him by surprise. When the Allah-inspired prophet heard what she had said, he asked, "Who will rid me of Marwan’s daughter?" A member of her husband’s tribe volunteered and crept into her house that night. She had five children, and the youngest was sleeping at her breast. The assassin gently removed the child, drew his sword, and plunged it into her, killing her in her sleep.
The following morning, the assassin defied anyone to take revenge. No one took him up on his challenge, not even her husband. In fact, Islam became powerful among his tribe. Previously, some members who had kept their conversion secret now became Muslims openly, "because they saw the power of Islam," conjectures Ibn Ishaq.
Al-Tabari vol.9 p.167:
Al-Aswad was assassinated because he claimed that he was a prophet, after coming out of the Khubban cave. He was killed a day or two before Mohammed's death.
Al-Tabari vol.9 p.121
"The Messenger of God called me and said, 'It has reached me that Khalid b. Sufyan b. Nubayh al-Hudhali is gathering a force to attack me. He is either in Nakhlah or 'Uranah, so go to him and kill him.'"
Abu Dawud vol.1 no.1244 p.328
"He (the prophet) said, :Go and kill him. I saw him when the time of the afternoon prayer had come. I said : I am afraid if a fight takes place between me and him (Khalid b. Sufyan), that might delay the prayer. I proceeded walking towards him while I was praying by making a sign. When I reached near him, he said to me : Who are you? I replied : A man from the Arabs ; it came to me that you were gathering (any[sp] army) for this man (i.e. the Prophet). Hence I came to you in connection with this matter. ... I then walked along with him for a while; when it became convenient for me, I dominated him with my sword until he became cold (dead)."
Al-Tabari vol.8 p.122
According to Ibn Ishaq: Kinanah b. al-Rabi' b. Abi al-Huqayq who had the treasure of the Banu al-Nadir, was brought to the Messenger of God, who questioned him, but he denied knowing where it [the treasure] was. Then the Messenger of God was brought a Jew who said to him, "I have seen Kinanah walk around this ruin every morning." The Messenger of God said to Kinanah: "What do you say? If we find it in your possession, I will kill you. "All right he answered. The Messenger of God commanded that the ruin should be dug up, and some of the treasure was extracted from it. Then he asked him for the rest of it. Kinanah refused to surrender it, so the Messenger of God gave orders concerning him to al-Zubayr b. al-'Awwam, saying, "Torture him until you root out what he has." Al-Zubayr kept twirling his firestick in his breast until Kinanah almost expired [died]; then the Messenger of God gave him to Muhammad b. Maslamah, who beheaded him to avenge his brother Mahmud b. Maslamah."
The list goes on.
CONCLUSIONS:
All the included sources are Muslim sources. A lot of scholars are using this material to come up with Fatwas and also material for their sermons.
If you have read through my brief write-up, you can see that what ISIS is doing today is almost an exact carbon copy of what Muhammad and his warband were doing back then.
Therefore I urge you all to study all the facts about Muhammad and Islam first, before defending the narrative that ISIS is not Islamic.

I am 33. Alt/gothy. Located in Eastern ontario (between Toronto and Ottawa) I don't travel. I do have a busy schedule but weekday daytime works (before 6pm) best for me and the odd weekend daytime. (Before 6pm)
I am a laid-back, supportive, fun, loving down to earth lady, It might take a bit of time to open up as I tend to be a little shy and quiet at first. My personality is INFP. Once I get to know you, my quirky side dark/smutty humor comes out. As well as my many other sides 😉.
I have done some fundraising for charity's in the past comes with a funny story. I love music of many eras and genres (70s/80s+ synthwave,rock,metal, southern rock an much more) . I love to cook/bake maybe I can make you something sweet and comforting or spicy and savory. I enjoy video games. I am a bit of a foodie (if you want a woman who eats more then just salad lets get wings or ribs sweet heat). I enjoy nature during spring and summer walks by the water watching the sunset. (Call me romantic it's okay ☺️) I enjoy dressing up or dressing down I love lace and fishnets. I also am not vanilla all the time
I am seeking a SBF for interesting conversation, with an adventurous zest for many things, including intimacy. Who also agrees connection,chemistry is important as well as sexual health

I am NOT OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/Actual-Beach-4400 + u/Affectionate_Egg895
Originally posted to Marriage
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse of a child, trauma, miscarriage
Original Post (AutoMod): March 30, 2024
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Commenter: You’re a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. You’re staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know you’re a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
MollyRolls:You transgressed on such a massive and personal level and you still think you might be entitled to “find out why”? OP, this is not your trauma. Your husband is an autonomous adult who is allowed to set his own boundaries, and if you couldn’t trust his ability to make good decisions in that regard you should not have married him. Instead you meddled and undermined and completely violated his trust—he trusted that you would act like a partner, not an overbearing matchmaker who didn’t believe him about his own lived experience.
You don’t have to know what happened. It is not your place to judge whether it was “bad enough.” It does not matter if you ever understand. All you ever had to do was trust him, and you demonstrated you have no interest in being that sort of spouse, and so it serves you right if you lost him.
sk1999sk ask your husband to go to marriage counseling. You betrayed him big time. He may never be able to forgive you. You also need individual therapy to find out why you would do something like this to someone you supposedly love. if your husband refuses marriage counseling and ends your marriage, please see a therapist on you your own.
 
Editor’s Note: removed the bottom part of the update as it had the rehash of the original post
Update 1: April 20, 2024
Hey guys My original post and account got nuked, and I can't find them anymore. If someone can find my original post I'll add It in an edit.
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay.
Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
laurcarol: There is zero reason for him to repair the relationship with his mom . I hope he gets the closure he deserves. I happen to remember your original post, and I still don’t know if you fully grasp what you did wrong.
Kebar8: Just so you know this is not something that will be fixed in the next few weeks or months.
This is going to take years for you to regain his full trust and love again
I hope you've put yourself in therapy to work out why you put yourself first here and not his wishes
Dry-Hearing5266: You need to put yourself in therapy.
Your level of boundary stomping and dismissing your husband's feelings along with your admission that you often "think that I often know better than him" shows you have issues that you need to address in individual therapy
You need to understand that you don't deserve his consideration no matter the reason for his estrangement with his mother. Whether you think it's justified or not.
You seem to have some narcissistic tendencies, and you need to get that addressed. A mentally healthy person would never do this.
 
Update 2: May 13, 2024
Hello everyone.
You can find the rest of the story on my previous post.
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage.
I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again.
Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly.
She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner.
He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comment
Veronika9216: I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I (23F) went to a party hosted by one of my high school friends. It was a costume party so we were all dressed up, music blasting, and drinks non-stop.
I was partying, and having a good time. When this super hot Scottish guy comes up to me. He invites me to sit with him at his table with his friends and try to play their weird drinking games. After a while, he invites me outside to smoke, and I follow him out. We continue small talk for a bit then he says “Let's go somewhere quieter.” on thing leads to another and we end up hooking up in the alley behind the building (classy I know). then we carry on like nothing happened.
Days later I am talking to my girlfriends about this encounter, and as we do I look him up on facebook to show the girls. Come to find his profile picture is of him and another woman. Looking closer at his profile we find out it is his GIRLFRIEND of two years. Who is still in Scotland?
I had to ‘Hey Girly’ text her which was awful. I was gagging writing the message beacaue, I felt so gross about my actions, and ignorance. And I helped her confront him about it, giving all the “evidence” I could. They break up.
A few days later, he starts calling me. Over and over. I happened to answer while I was with my BFF (21F) and her mom (56F). He said he wanted to know why I felt the need to ruin his life. Contact his girlfriend who will tell his family and friends back home. My only response was that she deserved to know, and it's not my fault what she does with it. That call went on and on him repeating the same sentiments.
It's been months now, and I did, and still do feel bad about how this all came out. I don't think this is my fault, but everyone I talk to about it gives me a different reaction… am I an asshole?

I don't know where to begin. I'm a 34 yo trans woman and I've been on hrt for 7 years. At the beginning of my transition I was kinda worried i wouldn't be able to "pass" as female at all so I had no worries to find a partner ever. Times goes by and I started to notice some changes in my body and how people perceive me overall as woman without questioning. Then I gain confidence wearing makeup, dressing more feminine and finally feeling proud being myself. At this point in my life I have never dated anyone (by the way I'm into ladies) so now with all this power I took a chance to meet some females on dating apps. I though I was lucky because I got my first date quickly and got anxious already the moment I met her. I felt she was the one, silly me. After a few weeks into talking, she knew I'm trans from the day one, we stop seeing each other and ends as expected... she wasn't comfortable dating a trans woman. After a year or so I met some other girl and things went better this time. We dated for 3~4 months before pandemic and then broke up. I didn't want a long distance relationship and even when she said me being trans wasn't a deal her behavior was odd when I bring up the subject about telling her relatives and friends about her dating me being a trans woman (she was a lesbian). Now after quite some time I haven't found anyone who I'm really interested in, that's what I'm telling myself. I feel scared to let again into my life someone who isn't proud of dating me as the trans person I am. I know I'm worthy, caring, full of love to share I always was and I always will, but also I know my dating pool is getting shrink every moment and that makes me feel hopeless. I gave up trying to date lesbians they're not for me and definitively I'm not for them. Maybe bi people but they're hard to find and when I found one she is hooked up with a man... So here I am, lonely since I was around on earth. I really want this to end, I yearn to get all the relationship stuff good or bad. Sorry about my rant. I needed to let that out of my system.

My mom (45 F) was arrested a few days ago for “ shoplifting”. She was at our local mall and she went inside to try on some clothes. She picked up a few items and went into the dressing room to try them on. When she left the dressing room, she hung the clothes on the rack and then realized she left her cell phone in her car. She walked out of the store ( with no clothes from the store on her or in her purse) and walked out to the car to grab her cell phone. When she walked out, a lady followed her out of the store and was watching her. My mom didn’t think anything of it and walked back into the store to search for clothes for my dad. As she walked around the store. She picked up a few items she was planning to buy for my dad and was minding her own business when a police officer came up to her and said that someone was accusing her of shoplifting. My mom was very confused and allowed the officer to look into her purse and she let him look in her car and he found nothing. the officer also took her to a room where she was told that they weren't going to press charges. However, another woman walks into the room and says that they are pressing charges. the police officer asked her if they had my mom on video stealing things and they said no. however, they pressed charges on her for shoplifting the things that she was holding when she walked back inside after going out to her car to grab her phone. ( the stuff she came inside and grabbed to buy for my dad). She went to jail and her picture is online now and she was able to bail herself out for $20. She was publicly humiliated for no reason.the lady who wanted to press charges said that it was suspicious that she walked out of the store after she had been inside and that she must’ve emptied her purse out in the car. Which was proven wrong when the police officer looked inside. My mom replied with “ since when was it illegal to walk out to your car while shopping when you have nothing from the store on you that hasn’t been paid for? Should we call a lawyer? What do we do in this situation?

Wish I had broken up with my husband (30M) when I ( 25F) first met him 4 years ago. He led me on and kept sleeping with me while he secretly met with and was trying to decide what to do about the last girl he saw who found out she was pregnant. Can’t handle hearing her name ever or the word ab***tion. Why did I keep dating him after I found out? He was trying to decide if he should marry her.
We continued to date because I’m an idiot. And he wouldn’t stop following girls he slept with on social. He likes their selfies and messages them a lot. He got upset that I asked him to stop and remove them..:many times. I had moved into his house and he made me leave for a week because I asked him again to stop talking to this younger girl he slept with. I went to my parents for a week and found out he had been on tinder. I know he matched someone, but I don’t know if he cheated on me. I moved back in.
I eventually blocked the girl myself. He still has girls he dated on there and the girl he got pregnant on social too. He calls me insecure and to get over it. I feel like he made me insecure by talking to them and getting on tinder. I always wonder if he wanted her back instead of me. So many times he has declined to sleep with me and it makes me embarrassed and upset.
Fast forward and I’m pregnant. He maybe touches me ten times that year. He told me he didn’t really feel good about me during that time and I have no idea why. I feel so ugly and unsupported. He barely helps with the baby and I had PPD. He was complaining about me doing so badly to others. Apparently he needs to sleep after working 8 hours but I need to get up every hour every night to help our baby and all day long. I guess it’s safe for me to feel like I’m too tired to hold the baby but not safe for him to go to work tired.
He wanted to get married. We have a rushed wedding and he won’t let me change anything because he already mentioned possible dates to his dad. His dad picked our wedding date. His mom designed the wedding. I couldn’t go dress shopping or design my cake. I have hair growing out and a postpartum body. I can’t even look at my wedding photos. I feel like my special moment was taken from me. He wouldn’t let me change anything because he told family already and invited them. He also never got on one knee for me. Which all girls dream of. But he had an ex fiancé who he took to the beach and got on one knee for. For me he sat next to me on the first day I had morning sickness. I am jealous I am angry. I feel like he will never love me as much. She devastated him. I haven’t even known him half as long as she did.
He sounds horrible but he says very lovely things to me. He scratches my back for a long time and cooks what I want for dinner. I do not really feel comfortable talking to him about these things though. He gets very worked out and upset and calls me names…he is a good person I think though.
What do I do? Did I mess up my life? Should I get us relationship counseling? I don’t feel any peace. I feel he puts other girls feelings before mine. I feel too old and ugly and full of baggage to start over and I’m not sure I could handle someone else’s past either. I couldn’t handle another woman raising my girl.
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TLDR: husband has past flings on social and won’t remove them. His pregnancy when he met me. Wouldn’t stop talking to ex and was on tinder. What should I do?

Wish I had broken up with my husband (30M) when I ( 25F) first met him 4 years ago. He led me on and kept sleeping with me while he secretly met with and was trying to decide what to do about the last girl he saw who found out she was pregnant. Can’t handle hearing her name ever or the word ab***tion. Why did I keep dating him after I found out? He was trying to decide if he should marry her.
We continued to date because I’m an idiot. And he wouldn’t stop following girls he slept with on social. He likes their selfies and messages them a lot. He got upset that I asked him to stop and remove them..:many times. I had moved into his house and he made me leave for a week because I asked him again to stop talking to this younger girl he slept with. I went to my parents for a week and found out he had been on tinder. I know he matched someone, but I don’t know if he cheated on me. I moved back in.
I eventually blocked the girl myself. He still has girls he dated on there and the girl he got pregnant on social too. He calls me insecure and to get over it. I feel like he made me insecure by talking to them and getting on tinder. I always wonder if he wanted her back instead of me. So many times he has declined to sleep with me and it makes me embarrassed and upset.
Fast forward and I’m pregnant. He maybe touches me ten times that year. He told me he didn’t really feel good about me during that time and I have no idea why. I feel so ugly and unsupported. He barely helps with the baby and I had PPD. He was complaining about me doing so badly to others. Apparently he needs to sleep after working 8 hours but I need to get up every hour every night to help our baby and all day long. I guess it’s safe for me to feel like I’m too tired to hold the baby but not safe for him to go to work tired.
He wanted to get married. We have a rushed wedding and he won’t let me change anything because he already mentioned possible dates to his dad. His dad picked our wedding date. His mom designed the wedding. I couldn’t go dress shopping or design my cake. I have hair growing out and a postpartum body. I can’t even look at my wedding photos. I feel like my special moment was taken from me. He wouldn’t let me change anything because he told family already and invited them. He also never got on one knee for me. Which all girls dream of. But he had an ex fiancé who he took to the beach and got on one knee for. For me he sat next to me on the first day I had morning sickness. I am jealous I am angry. I feel like he will never love me as much. She devastated him. I haven’t even known him half as long as she did.
He sounds horrible but he says very lovely things to me. He scratches my back for a long time and cooks what I want for dinner. I do not really feel comfortable talking to him about these things though. He gets very worked out and upset and calls me names…he is a good person I think though.
What do I do? Did I mess up my life? Should I get us relationship counseling? I don’t feel any peace. I feel he puts other girls feelings before mine. I feel too old and ugly and full of baggage to start over and I’m not sure I could handle someone else’s past either. I couldn’t handle another woman raising my girl.
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TLDR: husband has past flings on social and won’t remove them. His pregnancy when he met me. Wouldn’t stop talking to ex and was on tinder. What should I do?