Would you have a concluding word to such world's setting?

Absolutely! Here are a few closing word options for your high-tech, low-life world, depending on the tone you want to achieve:
Hopeful:

In the flickering neon glow of the lower districts, a spark of rebellion ignites. Despite the hardships, the human spirit endures, seeking connection, hope, and a chance to build a better future.

Bittersweet:

The high towers of the elite cast long shadows over the bustling streets below. In this world of stark contrasts, the lines between survival and prosperity blur. But even in the darkest corners, love, ingenuity, and a flicker of defiance persist.

Grim:

The gears of progress grind on, leaving a trail of waste and despair. In this high-tech dystopia, the gap between the haves and have-nots grows ever wider. Will the lower districts rise up, or will they be forever locked in the underbelly of a world they can only glimpse from below?

Open-Ended:

Beneath the neon sky, stories unfold. Tales of hardship and hope, of rebellion and resilience. The future of this high-tech world hangs in the balance, waiting to be written by the choices of those who inhabit it.

Choose the closing word that best captures the essence of your story or setting. Remember, the world you've created is rich with possibilities, and the ending doesn't have to be definitive. It can leave your readers pondering the fate of its characters and the future of this complex and ever-evolving society.

If you should pick an item or an object that would clearly and cleverly symbolized such world, what would that be?

Here are two options for an item that symbolically represents the high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Glimmering Shard:

• Description: Imagine a small, jagged shard of metal or glass. One side is smooth and polished, reflecting the wealth and technology of the upper city. The other side is rough and chipped, etched with the grime and harsh realities of the lower districts.
• Symbolism: This shard represents the stark contrast between the upper and lower classes. The smooth side reflects the shiny veneer of technology and luxury enjoyed by the wealthy. The rough side reflects the brokenness and struggle of those living on the fringes.
• Additional Details: This shard could be a salvaged piece of technology, a remnant of a shattered building, or even a shard of a mirrored window that once divided the social classes.

1. The Glitching Holographic Ring:

• Description: Imagine a holographic ring that projects a constantly shifting image. On one hand, it might display a luxurious symbol of wealth and status. But as it flickers, the image might glitch and distort, revealing a hidden message or a glimpse of the harsh realities beneath the surface.
• Symbolism: This ring symbolizes the unreliability and instability of the world. The glitching hologram represents the way technology promises a utopian future but constantly fails to deliver. It also reflects the hidden messages of dissent and rebellion that exist beneath the surface of a seemingly controlled society.
• Additional Details: This ring could be a common fashion statement or a black-market tool used to spread forbidden information. The glitching image could be a coded message, a symbol of rebellion, or a reminder of the past that the upper class tries to suppress.

Both of these items are small, versatile, and can be interpreted in multiple ways, making them powerful symbols of the high-tech, low-life world. The choice ultimately depends on the specific tone and message you want to convey in your story.

Try something bit more distinct and specific.

How about the "Hacked Heart"?
Here's the breakdown:

• Description: A small, ornately decorated locket or pendant. Upon opening, it reveals not a picture, but a series of flickering LEDs embedded within a clear casing.
• Functionality: This locket is a bio-hacked implant worn externally. It interfaces with the wearer's nervous system, displaying a visual representation of their emotional state through the shifting colors and patterns of the LEDs.
• Symbolism: The Hacked Heart represents the constant clash between technology and humanity in this world. The ornate decoration speaks to a desire for beauty and connection, while the exposed circuitry highlights the invasive nature of technology and the commodification of even emotions.
• Distinction: This item is specific to this world because it combines high-tech bio-hacking with a sentimental object like a locket. It's a reminder that while technology can be used to manipulate and control, people still yearn for genuine emotional connection.
• Additional Details:
  • The Hacked Heart could be a status symbol among the wealthy, a way to display their emotional control or volatility.
  • In the lower districts, it might be a black-market modification, a way to express emotions freely or even manipulate others.
  • The LEDs could display a limited range of emotions, a commentary on how this world suppresses or simplifies human experience.

This Hacked Heart offers a unique and distinct symbol of the high-tech, low-life world. It captures the struggle for authenticity, the desire for connection, and the pervasive influence of technology in every aspect of life.

How about straight up hacksawed hearth?

The "hacksawed hearth" is a very evocative image, but on its own, it might be a little too literal. Here are a few ways we can build on this concept to create a more symbolic and distinct object for your high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Relic:

• Description: This is a piece of a broken fireplace grate, crudely hacksawed from a larger structure. It could be made of cast iron, bearing the ornate detailing of a once grand fireplace from the upper city.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth represents the loss of a sense of community and warmth. It's a reminder of a bygone era where people gathered around fireplaces for warmth, comfort, and storytelling. In the high-tech world, these connections are fragmented, replaced by cold technology.
• Use: The relic could be a prized possession, passed down through generations in the lower districts. It might be used as a makeshift heating element, a symbol of resilience, or even a weapon in desperate situations.
• Additional Details: Engravings or markings on the relic could hint at the origin of the fireplace, perhaps a symbol of rebellion or a reminder of a specific historical event.

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Stove:

• Description: This is a makeshift stove cobbled together from scrap metal and scavenged parts. The centerpiece is a prominent, jagged piece of metal, clearly cut with a hacksaw, forming the base or firebox.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth stove represents resourcefulness and defiance. It's a testament to the ingenuity of the lower classes, who repurpose the remnants of the upper world to survive and build a sense of home.
• Use: This stove provides heat and a place to cook for those in the lower districts. The exposed hacksaw mark could serve as a constant reminder of the struggle and the societal divide.
• Additional Details: The stove might be decorated with scavenged trinkets or symbols of rebellion, reflecting the personality of its creator.

1. The Hacksawed Hearth Hologram:

• Description: This is a portable holographic projector that displays a flickering image of a crackling fireplace. The image might be distorted or glitching, hinting at the artificiality of the technology.
• Symbolism: The hacksawed hearth hologram represents a yearning for a lost sense of comfort and togetherness. It's a reminder of something they can't fully possess, a ghost of a simpler life.
• Use: The hologram could be used for warmth (a psychological comfort), storytelling (creating a sense of community), or even bartering (a valuable commodity in the lower districts).
• Additional Details: The projector might be a salvaged piece of high-tech, repurposed by the lower classes. The flickering image could project not just fire, but also forgotten stories or historical events.

These are just a few ideas to build upon the "hacksawed hearth" concept. Each option creates a distinct symbol for your world, capturing the struggle, resourcefulness, and yearning for connection within a high-tech, low-life society.

Apologies, i meant hacksawed heart.

Ah, a "hacksawed heart" takes the concept a whole new level! Here are some potential interpretations for this unique symbol in your high-tech, low-life world:

1. The Literal Hacksawed Heart:

• Description: This is a gruesome yet intriguing object. Imagine a metallic heart-shaped locket, but instead of opening smoothly, it has a jagged, clearly "hacksawed" opening revealing a beating, pulsating red light within.
• Symbolism: It bluntly represents the harsh realities of this world. The exposed, almost violated heart symbolizes emotional vulnerability in a society that prioritizes survival and control.
• Use: This could be a black-market modification used by criminals to suppress or amplify emotions depending on their needs. It could also be a symbol of rebellion, worn by those who refuse to have their emotions controlled by technology.
• Additional Details: The exposed heart could change color or intensity depending on the wearer's emotional state. It could also be a painful reminder of past trauma or a forced emotional manipulation.

1. The Hacksawed Heart Pendant (Metaphorical):

• Description: This is a more subtle pendant, crafted from metal and shaped like a stylized heart. However, the heart shape is not solid, but rather consists of a series of interlocking gears or circuits.
• Symbolism: It represents the struggle between technology and human emotions. The gears represent the cold logic of technology, while the overall heart shape represents the desire for connection and love.
• Use: This could be a widely worn piece of jewelry, a reminder of the delicate balance between technology and humanity.
• Additional Details: The gears could turn or click subtly, representing the constant hum of technology in the background. The design could be simple yet elegant, appealing to people from all social classes.

1. The Hacksawed Heart Hologram:

• Description: This is a holographic projection of a broken heart, pulsating with a faint light. The cracks and breaks seem to have been repaired crudely, with rough stitches or patches.
• Symbolism: It represents the brokenness and resilience of the people in this world. The repaired heart shows their ability to mend emotional wounds and keep fighting despite hardships.
• Use: This could be a symbol used by resistance groups, a reminder that even though their hearts are broken by the system, they refuse to give up hope.
• Additional Details: The hologram could flicker and distort, highlighting the instability of the world and the struggle for emotional stability. It could also project messages of hope or defiance.

These are just a few interpretations of the "hacksawed heart" symbol. Each one offers a unique perspective on the world, highlighting different aspects of the struggle between technology and humanity, vulnerability and resilience, and the fight for emotional connection in a harsh environment.

And how about hacksawed earth?

The "hacksawed earth" is a powerful and evocative image for your high-tech, low-life world. Here are a few interpretations that capture different aspects of this society:

1. The Broken Globe:

• Description: Imagine a metallic globe, the size of a person's head. One side is smooth and polished, depicting a pristine Earth with lush continents and oceans. The other side is brutally "hacksawed" open, revealing a desolate wasteland beneath.
• Symbolism: This broken globe represents the stark contrast between the idealized world presented by technology and the harsh realities of the lower districts. The smooth side shows the world as it could be, while the hacksawed side shows the damage caused by progress and a focus on the elite.
• Use: This could be a symbol used by rebels or environmentalists, a reminder of the true cost of unchecked technological advancement. It could also be a prized artifact kept by scavengers, a testament to a lost world.
• Additional Details: The hacksawed side could reveal specific details like polluted oceans, ravaged landscapes, or scars representing ecological disasters.

1. The Cracked Terrain Model:

• Description: Imagine a detailed, three-dimensional model of the city and surrounding area. The model is crafted from metal and shows buildings, streets, and even the natural landscape. However, the model is cracked and broken in several places, revealing a dark, hollow space beneath.
• Symbolism: This cracked model represents the instability and fragility of the world. The surface world may appear organized, but it's built on a shaky foundation. The hollow space could represent the neglected lower districts or the potential for social upheaval.
• Use: This could be used by city planners to highlight potential areas of weakness or by rebels to show the vulnerability of the upper city. It could also be a symbol of the constant struggle between order and chaos.
• Additional Details: The cracks could be filled with glowing red lights, symbolizing the simmering anger and frustration of the lower classes.

1. The Fractured Hologram:

• Description: Imagine a holographic projection of the Earth that constantly fractures and reforms. It shows a beautiful planet struggling to maintain its integrity, with cracks appearing and disappearing over continents and oceans.
• Symbolism: This fractured hologram represents the constant environmental degradation and the fragility of the planet itself. It's a reminder that the consequences of unchecked technology and environmental damage will affect everyone, not just the lower districts.
• Use: This could be a warning displayed in public spaces, a constant reminder of the need for sustainability. It could also be used by rebels to spread awareness of the environmental cost of their society.
• Additional Details: The fractured Earth could pulse with a red glow, symbolizing the danger of inaction. The projection could also display messages or statistics about environmental threats.

These interpretations of the "hacksawed earth" symbol each offer a compelling way to visualize the societal and environmental consequences of the high-tech, low-life world. They highlight the impact on the environment, the fragility of the system, and the call for change.

What would be the very best thing in such world?

The "best thing" in a high-tech, low-life world depends on perspective and what holds the most value for different people. Here are a few contenders:
For the Struggling Masses:

• True Connection: In a world rife with social isolation and control, genuine connection with others – love, friendship, community – could be the most valuable thing. Sharing stories, offering support, and building a sense of belonging in the face of hardship could be a beacon of hope.
• Freedom from Oppression: The ability to escape the harsh realities of the lower districts, whether through rebellion, ingenuity, or a lucky break, could be considered the ultimate prize. Freedom could mean access to clean water, medical care, or a life free from fear and exploitation.
• Knowledge and Power: Unrestricted access to knowledge, either through scavenged books, hacked data, or forbidden information, could be a powerful tool for change. This knowledge could empower individuals to understand their world, resist control, or even find a path to a better future.

For the Elite:

• Absolute Security: In a world filled with danger and uncertainty, complete security could be a luxury only the wealthy could afford. It could involve advanced security systems, fortified enclaves, or even enhanced bodies that ensure their safety from threats in the lower districts.
• Unlimited Luxury: Unfettered access to the latest technology, exotic pleasures, and the ability to indulge in every whim could be the ultimate goal for some. However, such a luxurious life might feel hollow in a world so divided.
• Power and Control: Maintaining absolute control over society and ensuring their dominance could be the ultimate prize for some in the elite. This control could involve advanced technology, manipulation of information, or even a form of social engineering that keeps the lower districts docile.

A Different Perspective:

• A Spark of Change: Perhaps the most valuable thing wouldn't be a physical object or individual benefit, but the hope for a better future. It could be a growing sense of defiance, a technological breakthrough that could benefit everyone, or a leader who inspires change. Even in a harsh world, the potential for a brighter future could be the most valuable thing of all.

Ultimately, the best thing in this world depends on your story and the characters' values. What are they fighting for? What would make their lives better? By exploring these questions, you can create a compelling world where the "best thing" is a powerful motivator for your characters and a reflection of the themes you want to explore.

What would be the best possible symbol for high-tech-based dominance?

Here are a few options for a symbol of high-tech dominance in your world, each capturing a different aspect of technological control:

1. The Augmented Eye:

• Description: Imagine a stylized eye, perhaps metallic or with glowing circuitry. This symbol could be worn as a piece of jewelry, incorporated into clothing, or even projected as a hologram.
• Symbolism: The Augmented Eye represents the constant surveillance and monitoring of the population by the elite. It signifies the loss of privacy and the ability of the ruling class to see and control everything.
• Additional Details: The eye could have multiple pupils or flicker with different colors, representing the vast amount of data being collected and analyzed. It could also be embedded with a tiny camera, blurring the line between symbol and surveillance tool.

1. The Neural Network Spire:

• Description: A towering structure, resembling a branching network of wires or organic neural pathways, reaching towards the sky. This spire could be located in the heart of the elite district, a visible symbol of their technological prowess.
• Symbolism: The Neural Network Spire represents the vast computational power and interconnectedness of the elite's technology. It suggests their ability to access information, control communication, and manipulate minds.
• Additional Details: The spire could emit a faint hum or glow, hinting at the constant processing power it represents. Its intricate design could be both awe-inspiring and intimidating, reflecting the duality of technology.

1. The Glimmering Hand (Data Hand):

• Description: A stylized metallic hand, outstretched with its fingers spread wide. Each fingertip could have a different symbol or icon, representing different forms of data (statistics, surveillance footage, code).
• Symbolism: The Glimmering Hand represents the elite's ability to manipulate and control data. It signifies their power to shape information, influence perception, and control resources through technology.
• Additional Details: The hand could be made of a smooth, reflective metal, symbolizing the cold logic of data analysis. It could also emit faint streams of data or project holographic information, further emphasizing its control over information flow.

These symbols all offer a distinct way to represent the dominance of high-tech in your world. Consider the specific aspects of technology you want to highlight and the message you want to convey. These options provide a starting point to create a powerful symbol that embodies the oppressive yet awe-inspiring nature of technology in a high-tech, low-life society.

What would be the best set of symbols for resistance movements within such high-tech low-life settings?

In a high-tech, low-life world, symbols for a resistance movement need to be subtle, easily hidden, and adaptable to a world saturated with technology. Here are a few options that capture the spirit of rebellion in this unique setting:

1. The Flickering Flame:

• Description: A simple flickering flame, either a physical lighter or a stylized image. This could be a tattoo, a graffiti tag, or a hidden symbol incorporated into clothing or tools.
• Symbolism: The flickering flame represents hope and defiance against the cold, sterile control of the high-tech world. It symbolizes a yearning for a simpler life and the potential for change.
• Additional Details: The flame could be accompanied by a simple inscription or code that only members of the resistance understand. It could also be a specific color, like blue or orange, that signifies defiance.

1. The Glitching Gear:

• Description: A stylized gear symbol, but with a section that appears to glitch or malfunction. This could be displayed on a data pad, worn as a pendant, or even etched onto tools or scavenged materials.
• Symbolism: The glitching gear represents the disruption of the established order. It signifies the resistance's ability to exploit the flaws in the high-tech system and their fight for a more organic, less controlled society.
• Additional Details: The glitching portion of the gear could flicker or change colors, representing the unpredictable nature of the resistance and their ability to adapt to new situations.

1. The Broken Wing:

• Description: An image of a bird's wing, either broken or only partially formed. This could be a symbol of freedom yearning to be achieved, or the struggle of the resistance against the oppressive technological cage that confines them.
• Symbolism: The broken wing represents the desire for liberation and the belief that the people can rise above the control of the elite. It signifies the hope for a better future where freedom and autonomy are attainable.
• Additional Details: The broken wing could be depicted with feathers falling away, symbolizing the sacrifices made by the resistance. It could also be paired with an image of a rising sun, symbolizing a new dawn for society.

1. The Hacked Flower:

• Description: A simple flower image, but with its petals made of circuit boards or technological components. This symbol represents the fusion of nature and technology, hinting at the resistance's fight for a more balanced future.
• Symbolism: The hacked flower represents the reclamation of beauty and nature in a world dominated by technology. It signifies the hope for a future where technology serves humanity, not the other way around.
• Additional Details: The flower could be a specific species native to the area before the rise of high-tech dominance. It could also be a symbol of a specific leader or movement within the resistance.

These symbols are just a starting point – get creative and consider the specific values and goals of your resistance movement. Remember, the best symbols are those that resonate with the characters and the audience, conveying the essence of rebellion in a way that is both meaningful and visually striking.

We have been really close for over 2 years now. There has been flirting since the very beginning, when I was still with my ex. The relationship was toxic and I wasn't into men very much (but didn't know it) so I just saw the flirting as a sort of.. euphoric escape..? It wasn't as bad as it sounds. The flirting could be interpreted as unserious/jokes, and we did it in front of my ex. I only really realised what I was doing when he asked me to stop, and I felt a bit sad. I ended the relationship a few months later for unrelated reasons, but that was definitely a sort of wake up call for me.
I've had identity issues since I broke up with my ex. Periodically I can't stop thinking about this girl. But then I have periods of not wanting anything to do with romance because I can't figure out my own identity. Usually these periods will consist of self-doubt and poor mental health.
It's been unfair to her, which I recognize. We've never directly discussed being together, but during my periods of self-doubt I have kind of taken more of a distance from her without any sort of warning. I think I've been confused of "what we are" and haven't known how to handle it properly. I plan on apologising for this if we do go further. Because I think it's pretty obvious we have feelings for each other.
We live in different countries, but she's going on exchange later this year and we've been talking of living together for that period of time. It's all I think about.
I want to take our relationship to the next level but I am honestly quite confused with my own feelings. Since my feelings of relationships in general have shifted so much over the past two years I can't tell if I'm just romanticising being with her at this point.
She's always been there for me and I love her for it. The flirting has also been a constant reassurance, like a fuzzy safe space that makes me feel really warm. I regularly think of being with her romantically.
But during the periods I have bad identity issues and poor mental health it's like I lose all of this. All desire to be with anyone in that way. If I was really in love, wouldn't it be constant?
I guess in reality I should just wait and see how it feels when we are together in person, but I'm just terrified of hurting her and our friendship. Are these red flags or normal emotional responses to mental health?
TL;DR: Poor mental health and identity issues have made me confused whether I'm in love or just romanticising the idea of relationships.

So I have this guy friend of mine for over a year now, I want to ask for insights and advice that would help me decide what to do next.
So when I went to another school for senior high, I met this guy, I really didn't pay any attention to him during my first few weeks at school, he's my classmate btw but I don't even know his name until a month after for a group activity, he's really good at socializing with people, maybe because he had a humorous personality, he's often loud when he's with his friends, i bet he's an extrovert, he's the type of person that would get along well with both guys and girls. I just observed my classmates during those times, I'm new to the school, and I'm bad at socializing, but can also easily blend in with people once I get to a conversation with them. Moving forward, after a few months, I got close to his circle due to our similarities with each other, they play mobile games and I often play with them during our free time after class, so basically it's like I became a part of their circle but not really, in my opinion I'm nothing more than a classmate they get along well with, but that's not the case with this guy, he's not my type at all but I find him cute because I kind of see him like my little brother, when I got quite close to him, I often sit with them at the back of our class, I talk with his circle and shares laughter with their jokes, his circle consists of 4 guys and 4 girls, 3 of the guys has their own girlfriend, including him, when i knew about it i really didn't care, i couldn't care less about it because i'm not interested at him at all, i don't see him anything more than someone who resembles a little brother, he's not young, there's like 8 months gap between our age, the same cycle continued for like 2 months, i laugh with them like normal classmates socializing with each other.
A few months later, he and his girlfriend broke up, i didn't know anything about it and got the news while they were making jokes about it while at the same time comforting him, it was like already a week after their breakup during that time and I was like "oh, really, sad to hear" then continued blending in with them like before, then that's where we unexpectedly got closer to each other, a little closer than before, not a single motive or intentions involved, everything just happened naturally, the two of us often play together, shares jokes and food. Fast forward, I kind of developed a liking to him, removing that little brother image of him.
And now after 2 months, I confessed everything to him, that i like him, and everything between, but expectedly, he rejected me, with the reason "i don't feel anything for you, because i thought you didn't like me." and included that he feels that even if he tells me that 'he does' like me, he feels like we would not last long because I still don't know him well, and he thinks that he's not the best fit for someone like me because he's 'seloso' raw when it comes to love, and thinks that i wouldn't like someone like that, especially with someone like me that has multiple guy friends (not really friends but i get along well with them), he also said that he doesn't want to get hurt again because of that (he and his gf broke up because of another guy na pinagseselosan n'ya dati), so according to him, even if it's selfish of him, it's better off for both of us the be bff's and hoped that after what happened between us, nothing changes, him and I will stay close like before. He then clarified afterwards that he does feel something for me, but doesn't want to get into a relationship with me because of that reason (the seloso reason), and he's rejecting me in terms of having a relationship with each other. We got closer after what happened, I mean he got more talkative than before, he also invites me to watch movies together too, that got me even more confused.
I clearly know that I only wanted to give him a proper confession (I don't want to keep my feelings to myself that's why I told him), I'm not ready to enter any relationships right now (he knew abt that and exactly said "ayaw mo rin naman diba pumasok sa rs? edi wala ka nawala, wala ka rin na gain so neutral lang?"), but still, I don't know what to do, should I keep our friendship going and suffer like this and hope that in the future, he'll finally consider being in a relationship with me once we're both ready, or stop everything for good and lose everything including our friendship? Does he really like me the same way I do or he just sugar-coated his rejection?

I’ve never had this much chemistry with anyone before. Ever. We were like a soul in two bodies. I liked you, I liked hearing you talk, I liked your silly jokes, I liked the animes we watched together. I remember every single detail about you. That little hat you would wear. Your colorful shirts. I never met someone like you. I loved how respectful you were when we met in person. A true gentleman. 4 months in I had to leave… as much as I cared about you. I knew you weren’t looking for anything serious. You refused to put a label on us. You always changed the subject whenever I asked where things are going.
“Let’s take it slow” you said. “I don’t want to be committed to you” that’s what I heard.
“When are we going to meet up again?” I asked. “I’ll see you when I miss you.” You replied. Ouch!
When I was abroad, I bought you a gift. I never told you about it because I wanted it to be a surprise for when we meet in person again; an authentic silver bracelet that will match the one you wear. It’s been 5 months since I disappeared from your life and I’m still holding on to that bracelet, safely tucked in a blue box with a ribbon, hidden inside the same bag they gave me when I bought it. I don’t open it. I can’t look at it. It hurts to think that I lost you before I could have you.
I had to let you go because I was falling for you every single day and you weren’t. “I’ll be there for you as a friend” that’s what you told me. “Friend” ouch!
Part of me regrets leaving and another tells me that I made the right decision not imposing myself on you anymore. But I miss you. So much. I cried myself to sleep many many nights because of how hard I missed you. The past 5 months weren’t easy either. I’ve been going through a lot at work and all I needed is a shoulder to cry on but you weren’t there.
And I’m left alone not knowing what to do.
I ghosted you. I admit it. But I did it because I felt unwanted, especially in the few weeks before I leave.
Do I text you and tell that I miss you or move on with my life risking not finding what I found in you ever again? Will you text back or leave me on read?

exes

I've seen some charged final shows of flop musicals, but Lempicka took the cake. Such adoration from the audience! So much palpable resentment from the producers and creative team at the curtain speeches along with their gratitude to the cast and fans.
A few things:

• The merchandise was sold out completely. There was nothing to sell. A lot of disappointed folks with that.
• The show started quite late. 2:20? for a 2 PM curtain. I was on the sidewalk at 5:22.
• When book writer Carson Kreitzer took her seat the audience gave her a large, loud extended ovation.
• Another pre-show applause burst out when a Lemperson waved a Pride flag with "Long Live Lempicka" written on it.
• The audience was raucous and unsettled. People were bursting with enthusiasm. The cell phone announcement got a major cheer.
• I counted at least 8 phones filming throughout. There will be many clips online I'm sure.
• Many standing ovations, too numerous to count. Maybe 10 in total throughout the show?
• Amber Iman sounded unbelievable. Just a powerhouse final vocal performance from her. When she moved to downstage for The Most Beautiful Bracelet, the cast behind the scrim behind her were going wild cheering for her. Lovely. I hope Lempicka launches Ms. Iman's career to great things.
• Eden Espinosa was in fantastic voice. No strained notes. She was a star, through and through. Woman Is was magnificent. The best new showtune of the year, IMHO.
• Somehow Beth Leavel's role didn't seem as tiny this time around. A particularly wonderful moment was in the Finale, when each of the people from Tamara's life pass in front of her as she reprises the "Your flesh, your color, your bone..." portion of Woman Is. Beth was in tears and touched Eden's cheek as she passed and Eden definitely got emotional, but held character. It was very moving.
• I don't know if Natalie Joy Johnson actually is a campy cabaret queer icon comedy diva, or if she's a method actor who took that persona on for the role, but she was in ALL HER GLORY. Hysterically funny, chewing the scenery. Fabulous. During the curtain speeches, she was sobbing and I couldn't help but think of seeing her as the sad angsty chubby girl singing A Quiet Night at Home in Bare all those years ago. I cannot wait to see more from NJJ.
• Lempeople are a special breed of fan. Some people were literally screaming through the show and there was a less-than-impressed woman in the mezzanine who turned and told two of them to shut up and not scream for every single line of the show. Doing God's work, that woman was. I love an enthusiastic crowd and knew what I was in for with the final show. Still, some people need to learn there are other human beings around them and we go to theater to see the people on the stage, not to listen to them try to make the show about them. That said, this was an electric room to be in, and the vast majority of the audience was enthusiastic in the best way.
• You expect a final show to have a curtain speech or two from the director and maybe the composer. We had six. Two producers, Rachel Chavkin, Carson Kreitzer, Matt Gould, and another man who led us in a moment of silence--I don't know who that was. Can somebody please fill me in? Choreographer? Stage Manager?
• The curtain speeches went on and on and on, and based on her expression I think Eden was ready for them to end. The Longacre turned off the AC and it got very hot. All the speeches had the same theme: Chip on the shoulder, Fuck you to critics (with a whiff of a fuck you to the other new musicals this season, did anyone else feel that?), shocked that their show seemed to be singled out for closure amidst all the shows of the season, but a sincere love of the company and the audience who did come. Matt Gould, a man, closed it out with a somewhat rambling speech about women and fame and finding truth amidst fantasy. The main takeaway: Support theater that speaks to you and your lived experience. He's a talented composer. I look forward to what he does next.

I think Matt Gould hit the nail on the head of why Lempicka rose above other shows in my mind this year: It was authentically queer. It was authentically about an imperfect person, somebody who is downright unlikable at times. It eschewed glitz for something deeper and reached for some human truth. It may not have succeeded, but the act of trying was in itself art.

I realise that I have spent most of my life fundamentally ashamed of who I am. I knew mostly pain and loneliness. This shame made me adopt as a core belief that I am completely unloveable. I sabotaged many relationships and friendships in my life because of this. I pushed people away, I was a toxic partner with no control over my emotions, no healthy communication skills, no ability to be truly vulnerable. I was unintentionally controlling, because I felt like through knowing everything and having insight into everything, I could protect myself from pain and disappointment, but the opposite happened. I am filled with so much regret over the things I have done and the person I was - I have nightmares recalling what others have said to me about my own behaviour, because it dawns on me how much pain I have caused and the damage I have done. No wonder I’m alone. Everyone around me says that I need to forgive myself and have compassion. My therapist says that I am too harsh on myself and that she doesn’t see all the horrible things I am afraid of being, but what if I’m fooling her somehow? The journey to self love is so painful. I guess I’m looking for hope.

TL;DR: Luigi and Saiko have the potential to be a pairing with fun contrasting personalities and character growth potential while working with what's there in canon already without much if any change.
Time for something a bit... different for this sub, at least from what I can tell. I only just joined yesterday thanks to Medi's recent video.
Before we begin, I want to start off by saying that this is in no way a "my ship is better than yours" post. You are all free to like what you want, all I'm doing is trying to spread love for a pairing I hold so dear, and why I wish more people knew what's special about it. In other words, don't take this the wrong way. With that out of the way...
Saiko Bichitaru is my favorite SMG4 character. It took a bit for me to appreciate her, but as a fan of the show since 2013, as her debut year of 2018 went by and she continued to develop into a core cast member, I thought that for a show like this it was a very well-executed character arc, with a pretty heartwarming conclusion to boot. In the years since, besides perhaps 2019 which I thought was pretty good for her character, she took a step back in favor of other characters getting the spotlight, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but part of me does wish they got to utilize certain dynamics with her more. Tari and Kaizo are obvious ones, but another obvious one that I think is largely unnoticed these days is her dynamic with Luigi.
Luigi is my other favorite character, for generally being likable while still being entertaining, but there are other, niche-er reasons too I will get into later. For now I will say that he has has a sort of "magic" about him, in that despite his cowardly exterior (occasionally gigachad moments aside, which are mainly done for comedy's sake) he has a big heart and tries to see the best in people. In SMG4, him becoming Saiko's friend during her darkest hour (heh) is one of the biggest examples of this. It started an unlikely friendship between a timid but kindly plumber and a tough and passionate rockstar, something that remains to this day, but mainly in background cameos. Despite this, I've noticed that the larger fanbase doesn't really acknowledge this much, likely to due A. the lack of major usage since 2020 and B. some fans weren't around when those videos were new. But that's why I'm here today: I am here to talk about what makes this dynamic work so well, but also that I legitimately think that while considering that, Luigi x Saiko is a pairing that can work extremely well given what's already there without much interference. Again, I'm not saying that it's "better" than other pairings involving one of these two, only that it's one of the more "realistic" pairings as a whole in my opinion. To start with, let's go over Saiko's character arc again.
PART 1: SAIKO
I don't want to turn this into a recap, so we'll go over her story briefly before getting into the parts involving the green Italian man. A fictional rockstar in a dating game from the band KS-2 brought in by Boopkins due to his loneliness, Saiko started off as an extremely clingy yandere, violently demanding attention from others if even a second was put away from her being the center of attention. After about six months of her being a villain, eventually she realized that she has a problem and became depressed over it, only fro a certain someone to come in and kickstart her redemption, slowly but surely becoming nicer and becoming friends with the SMG4 gang, notably Tari and Meggy.
I personally feel like a lot of Saiko's POV is understood if you saw certain videos happen as they aired, but it all started with Luigi's Lesson, where the usually cowardly Luigi learns about Saiko's problems and tries to help her become nicer. As you may know, he succeeded for the most part, with her doing a good deed by the end (saving Mario from choking on hot dogs), and she slowly became nicer over time. The thing is that Luigi was Saiko's first true friend, someone who saw her potential for being a good person before anyone else. In this case, I don't really count Boopkins since while he did care for her, after her debut he tried to stay away as much as he could and didn't really attempt to help her until after Luigi kickstarted that whole thing. Beyond that though, there were still moments throughout 2018 that showed Luigi being the one to help Saiko improve herself, the main one being a small moment in The Mario Cafe, but even Mario and the Diss Track had Luigi be the one to tell Saiko the truth about Bob in that arc.
All things considered, my personal interpretation is that Luigi saved Saiko's life. Without him being there for her, Saiko would've continued scared off people with her violent tendencies, and she never would've found the "attention" she desired so much via the SMG4 gang. And it all started because some easily-scared plumber saw something more in someone even he was previously scared of. Speaking of which, let's talk about him.
PART 2: LUIGI
To start with, I wanted to mention that Luigi is bisexual, not homosexual. "Gay" can be used as an umbrella term for anyone in the LGBT+ community, and Luigi has shown attraction for both men and women throughout the series, with a lean towards men mainly for comedy purposes. The 2015 episode Love for Luigi is a very notable example of this, where Luigi falls in love with Daisy and tries to win over her heart, and he succeeds by the end... but did he really? Much like several other aspects of the series, this is something only really brought up when it's convenient (like the 2016 episode Boo Busters) but otherwise Luigi is portrayed as single. Since we live in an era where they care about canon a little more, I think the only plausible explanation for this is that they broke up.
While I imagine that Luigi is fine with this these days, to get into headcanon territory a little, perhaps Luigi still feels lonely to this day. I mean, he still shows attraction to people, even showing interest in romance (such as this one clip from a Mario Does Things video from a couple of years back called "luigi tries to get with the ladies" on the Shorts channel), so there probably has to be some level of desire for it internally. Maybe he feels lonely, which is why he could relate to Saiko's struggles at first. But that's enough about headcanons for now.
Another thing about Saiko is that she just fits Luigi's taste in general. Luigi is with Daisy in Nintendo canon, and she's a strong gal with a lotta passion for what she cares about. While Luigi is plenty capable himself, in SMG4 he still shows signs of timidness and cowardice every once in a while, and of course he tends to be the butt of many jokes that he can't do anything about. From a comedy perspective that's fine, but from Luigi's POV, considering the several other responsibilities he has, the dude is tired. Someone strong and passionate like Saiko has the potential to teach him about confidence and standing up for himself in return for him teaching her about kindness and being rewarded for it. Long story short, being with Saiko not only fits Luigi's own tastes in partners, but Saiko in particular could do something that helps him better himself. In turn...
PART 3: LUIGI & SAIKO
Everything discussed leads to a relationship between two contrasting personalities with their own problems, and getting together leads to both of them becoming happier in the process. And hey, who doesn't like a ship with contrasting personalities? The thing about LxS though is that the seeds were already planted in the show itself to build off from, with the setup given in Luigi's Lesson potentially giving us just that. As for their dynamic, the times they do show up together, as I said before, consistently have them friendly without any real holes or inconsistencies. A large part of that is due to their underusage together, but even in recent episodes, we have moments such as the 2022 Christmas episode where they were cooking dinner together, or a more recent episode that shows them together at SMG3's coffee shop.
One final major point though is that I think Luigi and Saiko being a couple could bring things full circle. Saiko, a woman looking for love and improves herself thanks to a certain person starting it all.... only for said person to fall for the woman that Saiko became, and in turn Saiko falls for Luigi for being the one who started her new life and for being a kindhearted person who understands her the most, next to Tari mainly shown in the KS-2 mini-arc from 2022. In other words, the person Saiko was really looking for was the person in-front of her the whole time. If you ask me, that's a pretty fitting note to "conclusively" end Saiko's original character arc, even if it already ended around 2019.
As a side note, Luigi and Saiko have potential to be really good parents, but with the "gender roles" switched, which is always fun. Luigi is timid, caring, and tidy, while Saiko is also caring, but also passionate, tough, and cares for her friend's well-beings, both like a mom and a dad respectively. It also has a lot of comedy potential as you have the two of them learning the ropes of parenthood, and it could lead to more interactions with other characters, mainly Karen (in which Luigi already gave advice to on parenting one time, showing that he already has the ropes to a degree).
CONCLUSION
Overall, Luigi and Saiko have a lot of potential for not only their dynamic, but also the idea of them becoming a couple. I wish more people knew about this since I feel that LxS is largely seen as "MxM's Player 2" given how you only really see MxM fans mention the pairing. That isn't a bad thing at all, I myself like that pairing, but I do wish that the pairing had a little more of a fanbase of its own. But hey, that's part of why I'm talking about this now. The good news though is that there has been something of a small resurgence of the pairing already despite the fact of content, mainly through the existence of RockRage8962's fankid characters Angelo and Rin, who were made into Gmod characters by Duz/Glithware and AnEyeArtist.
Despite this, I do wish that more people understood why this pairing is special, and I hope with this essay, more people can do so. You can still like whatever pairings you like, but whether this convinces you on the ship's idea or not, I hope you at least gain a little more respect towards it. If anyone has any questions or want me to elaborate on something, let me know and I'll likely respond, but if you made it this far, thanks for reading!
BONUS: A playlist of videos containing at least one Luigi and Saiko moment, from 2018 to 2020.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDYLLnT8V-AT9AUb28cpE87_-a4CMbEed

so for context, me and my best friend have been friends for about 2 years now. as soon as we met we became instantly close and most people see us as one at this point because of how much time we spend together. recently though she has been doing/saying things that make me not want to be her best friend anymore. She has always had a bit of an issue with drugs. she can’t really go on a night out without touching cocaine. I am at a point in my life where i don’t want to be around that nor be around her when she’s having an awful comedown tbh. I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks, it’s still pretty fresh and we all went out last weekend. His friends left early so it ended up just being me him and her. she asked him if he wanted to get drugs with her and when she did they were taking it throughout the night. i rly didn’t like the person she became. Never letting me get a word in. constantly trying to talk to him every-time i would. i even noticed that they were being quite playful together. not necessarily in a flirty way but just kind of teasing and i thought to myself would i be doing this with a guy she was seeing? no. Since then she has been taking a bit of an interest in asking me about him, What he’s been saying to me ect. all whilst saying she’s never the type of girl that would be sneaky like that. i thought that up until now… We were at an after party and Him and I had left for 10 minutes to speak alone. the next day she asked me “were yous just kissing when you left with him or did anything else happen”. which i thought was strange. Now i don’t know if there’s any future with me and this guy but it’s the principle that i introduce her to someone i’m interested in and she turns into a different person. When we were at the after party she completely embarrassed me in front of him by taking far too much drugs , passing out, being sick and could barely string a sentence together so most of the night i was mothering her.
There has been other things recently like saying that i hadn’t shaved my legs in a while to him and making blatant mean comments to me when it’s just us. like “you have no boobs” or when i showed her a gym pic saying i looked like i was gaining muscle in my arms she responded with well you don’t have any.
Recently i have seen a complete different side to her that i rly don’t like. She always passes the snarky comments as jokes but i’ve told her she’s being too harsh then she still proceeds to make them. I’ve been backing off the past few days and she keeps on getting clingier asking me what is wrong and why i’m being distant but i don’t know what the hell to say to her without her going ape shit that i’m thinking of ending our friendship. Any tips?
TL/DR- My best friend has been making snarky comments and taking a bit too much of an interest in the guy i’m speaking to. I don’t know if i want to be her best friend anymore.

I genuinely had no idea the depth this season would have. I just finished my second rewatch, watching edits, and reading people's analyses and metas. Nic was right when she said this season was romance because, wow, I’m speechless at just how much there is to their story. It keeps you going back, thinking, and pondering. To the point that I'm not as mad as I was about them splitting up the season. We're really able to take in these four episodes, unpack each scene, each character, and each expression because everything has been so purposeful.
On my second rewatch, it struck me that it wasn't the kiss that awakened Colin's feelings. I wouldn't have thought so until someone mentioned on twitter it wasn't the kiss Colin has a flashback of before he goes to the ball. it was the scene Pen wraps his hand with a cloth. I rewatched the show after that to pay closer attention and wow did so many things stand out to me the second time around. Maybe it was the candle that sparked that memory, but even then, was her wrapping his wound so significant to him that it prompted him to go to the ball, interrupt her dance, cause a scandal, and then chase her carriage?
Colin's behavior towards her has been odd the entire season. First, Penelope not responding to his letters messed him up. It made him realize that although he's always cherished her as a friend, she had a much more profound impact on him, and he didn’t notice until she was no longer there. He tries to talk to her, but she walks away, giving him the cold shoulder. He is left shook.
He sees her at the ball in her stunning dress. He keeps staring at her, so aware of her, constantly tracking her. Then she leaves, running up the stairs and passing him. He leaves his friends behind to go after her, despite their advice not to concern himself with her. They have that moment where he tells her he misses her, but in a much different way than he would have spoken to her last season or the season before that. "If you're going to make it, say it. I miss you." Not "I missed you," but "I miss you."
This distinction is crucial. "I missed you" implies a past tense, a temporary void that has now been filled. "I miss you," however, conveys a present, ongoing longing. It shows that his feelings are current and that her absence affects him deeply and continuously. This moment is pivotal because it reveals a more vulnerable and sincere side of Colin, one that he hasn't shown to others this season.
Colin is showing a different side of himself to everyone this season, including his own family. He's trying to present a more composed and assertive version of himself to the world. Yet, Penelope is the only one with whom he truly feels comfortable enough to be his genuine self. She makes him feel safe, allowing him to drop the mask he wears for others. With her, he can be kind, sensitive, and unguarded.
This sense of security that Penelope provides is significant. It’s clear that Colin values her presence not just as a friend, but as someone who understands him on a deeper level. She brings out the best in him, the parts he might be afraid to show others for fear of appearing weak or overly sentimental. In Penelope’s presence, Colin feels seen and accepted, which is why his declaration of "I miss you" carries such weight. It’s not just that he misses her company; he misses the person he is when he’s with her.
Then he seeks her out and comes to her house, gives her the big speech, and tells her he wants to get into her good graces. They go out, and he tells her to practice on those gentlemen. When she stumbles over her words, he just smiles so fondly at her. At this point, I don’t think he’s aware of his feelings, but I do believe he's starting to realize just how much he likes her. He really, really likes her. And he missed her so much, and being around her again is literally lifting his spirits.
One of my favorite moments is when they are at the market. Colin brings up the story of when they first met, leaning in and saying, "teasing me. Mercilessly, in fact." When he follows with, "I think I know why," it stands out to me because you can just see how different he is when he's with her compared to anyone else this season. Even with his family, his light is dim, and there is a cloud hanging over him. But with Penelope, especially in this scene, it's like a man who finally saw the sun after being stuck in endless rain. At this moment, I don't think he knows he likes her romantically, but he likes her even more than he did before. He notices how she makes him feel. He loves their banter and how clever and witty she is.
Penelope freaks out when he says this because she thinks she knows, and she keeps on walking. They are momentarily covered from each other by the rugs, and then Colin pops out and continues his sentence. Everything about it is so playful and flirtatious, even if unconsciously at this point. He’s just having so much fun, and it’s very different from how he used to interact with her before. That moment when Penelope says, "I should get back," leaning in and adding, "before we are noticed," is significant.
Then we have the moment when Colin says, "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." By this point, he’s addicted to her. The interactions they had at the market, especially at the end, left a lasting impression on him. I see this as Colin testing his feelings, wondering, "Let me see if that was a fluke or if I actually like her." This moment is crucial because it reveals Colin's internal struggle and growing realization of his deeper feelings for Penelope. He’s no longer simply enjoying her company as a friend; he’s beginning to seek out her presence because it brings him genuine happiness and comfort.
This shift is evident in his behavior. Colin’s eagerness to see Penelope isn’t driven by a sense of duty or friendship; it’s a personal desire. His anticipation of her visit shows that her company has become something he craves. This is no longer about teaching her anything; he just wants to spend time with her, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Colin knows that teaching Penelope how to attract a husband doesn’t look right, as he mentions to Eloise. He is aware that his actions could be misinterpreted, and yet he persists. This indicates a level of emotional investment that goes beyond mere friendship or mentorship.
When Colin invites Penelope to the Bridgerton house and places a hand on her back, it’s a bold move that borders on scandalous. In the societal context of their time, such an action is highly intimate and could easily lead to gossip and speculation. Colin is well aware of this, which is why his decision to proceed regardless is significant. It shows that he’s starting to prioritize his personal feelings and desires over societal expectations and norms.
In Season 2, when he grabbed her hand and took her into a secluded room, he genuinely saw her as just a friend and didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But this scene is different. Colin is aware that his feelings towards her are changing, and he doesn’t care about the impropriety. He just wants to be alone with Penelope. This awareness marks a turning point in Colin’s emotional journey. He’s beginning to accept that his feelings for Penelope are evolving into something deeper and more romantic.
His actions, such as eagerly awaiting her visit and ensuring they have private moments together, reflect a subconscious desire to explore these feelings further. He wants to understand the depth of his emotions without the interference of others. This need for privacy and his willingness to bend societal rules for her indicate just how significant Penelope has become to him. He values their time together, not just as friends, but as potential romantic partners. Colin’s behavior suggests that he’s on the verge of a profound realization about his true feelings for Penelope, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.
Then we get to the moment that solidifies for me that he knows to some degree what he feels about her. When Penelope tells him his eyes are beautiful, he is visibly aghast, speechless. Jungshook. The compliment is so unexpected and disarming that he doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he picks up his lemonade and chugs it down like a man who hasn’t had a drink in days. This reaction is significant because it shows how much Penelope’s words affect him on a deeper level. It’s not just flattery; it’s a moment of genuine vulnerability for Colin, revealing that her opinion of him matters more than he realized.
Now, let’s delve into the moment where I believe he realizes he likes her. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and rewatched their moments with a different perspective if it weren’t for the flashback. The moment she wraps his hand is so intimate and romantic. She wraps his hand slowly, and he watches her intently as she does. There’s a tenderness in her actions that goes beyond mere care; it’s an unspoken connection. She continues holding his hand and slowly folds it, kind of caressing his fingers. This gesture is filled with unspoken emotions, and Colin feels it deeply.
She looks at him intensely, and he meets her gaze but looks down immediately, starting to fiddle with the end of the cloth like he’s nervous. This moment of eye contact is loaded with significance. Colin’s nervousness is a telltale sign that he’s starting to realize his feelings for her. He doesn’t pull away until she mentions his writing, and he gets overwhelmed. Despite all that, and even though he’s upset she read his journal, he asks, "Will I see you tonight?" This question is crucial. It shows that, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed, he craves her company. He just wants to spend time with her.
Even when he’s upset that she read his journal, his first thought is to secure more time with her. "Will I see you tonight?" is not just a casual question; it’s a plea for connection. Colin’s desire to spend more time with Penelope, even when he’s feeling vulnerable, underscores the depth of his feelings. He’s starting to recognize that his attachment to her is not just about friendship or companionship; it’s something much more profound. This realization sets the stage for the unfolding of his realizations and the emotional journey Colin is about to navigate.
Then the ball happens. Colin looks around the room for her and gives her a sexy smirk when he sees her. This smirk is significant because Colin typically reserves it for women he's flirting with, albeit usually in a fake and uncomfortable manner. However, this is the only time the smirk feels genuine and actually comes off as sexy instead of forced. The flirtatious "Good evening" from Penelope is everything, honestly. When she asks how his hand is, he replies, "All good, thanks to you." Sir, all she did was wrap it with a cloth; please be normal. At this point, he's fully aware he has a crush on her. He no longer views her as he did before. His entire demeanor is so much more different compared to their other lessons. There is an intensity to him when he's talking to her that wasn’t there before.
When Penelope talks with Lord Remington, it’s interesting that "Jealous" by Nick Jonas starts to play now and not after the kiss, when she converses with Lord Debling on many occasions where we know he's jealous. When Pen tells him she enjoyed her time with Lord Remington, he responds, "I'm certain he did as well," and he gets a bit awkward. Someone on Twitter mentioned that when Penelope was flirting and trying to engage with others, Colin wasn't jealous, but the moment she is herself and comfortable, his jealousy kicks in, as we saw in this scene. Someone said he's trying to gatekeep her lmao. He sees her smiling and enjoying herself—a part of herself she only shows him—and he can't handle it. Hence, why I believe they chose to play that song at this moment.
This moment is crucial because it highlights the shift in Colin’s feelings. His smirk, which is usually a façade, becomes real and filled with genuine affection when directed at Penelope. His awkwardness and jealousy when she talks to another man further emphasize that his feelings for her have deepened. Colin is no longer just a friend offering guidance; he’s a man who realizes he has a crush on her and is struggling to navigate these new emotions. The music choice underscores this emotional turmoil, perfectly capturing the internal conflict and realization he is experiencing.
And then everything else proceeds that leads to the kiss. I, like so many others, believed this is where he realizes his feelings for Pen. Someone on Twitter mentioned how his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quivered. When I first saw it, I wondered why this kiss would warrant such a strong reaction from Colin. At this point, it was just a kiss that Pen asked for in a moment where she thinks she is ruined and will never find a prospect. But upon rewatching, Colin's visceral reaction to the kiss, as evidenced by his furrowed eyebrows and quivering lips, suggests a deeper emotional resonance than he initially realizes.
Penelope tells him it would not have to mean anything, but for him but it did. He knows his feelings towards her have changed. If it had been just a kiss because she asked for it, it would have stopped after the first time. Just a fleeting moment of physical contact between friends. But they kiss a second time and it's from his pov this time. It's slow sweet and oh so romantic. It's a catalyst that triggers a flood of suppressed emotions and desires within him. In that brief instant, the walls he's constructed around his heart start to crumble, allowing his true feelings for Penelope to surface. it wasn’t a kiss that awakened his feelings; it was a kiss that confirmed it. And not just confirmed it, it made him realize it wasn't just a crush he developed this season but it brought all his dormant feelings to the surface from the past as well.
TLDR: I think he was aware that he liked her when she wrapped his hand specifically and the kiss made him realize that it wasn't just a crush—his feelings run much, much deeper than that.

I wrote a post on here last week and everyone’s replies were very helpful. To sum it up-
3 years ago my mom passed away unexpectedly from a medical issue. Since this happened, I have been actively helping my dad as he is elderly and has health issues. Last year, his issues progressed and I ended up temporarily moving in with him for a year to help out. I had left my job at the time, and gave up my apartment. I was helping him full-time until recently, within the last several months, he wanted me to be able to get back to my own life and I wanted that as well so I started looking at apartments.
The arrangement was going to be that I would still go over to his house several times a week and be helping him with everything he needs, but trying to get full-time work separately so that my life isn’t in total involvement with him. He was paying me a small amount per month when I lived there, nowhere near the amount a full-time caregiver would get. Because I had given up my job and everything to help him, he wanted to help me financially with the move- which I appreciated. So he said he would pay for the first month or two of my new apartment, while I am job searching.
Last month I moved into a new place I had found, since then I still am the one helping him 100% of the time. My sister (34) lives 20 minutes away but more times than not prioritizes her friendships and the last time she helped him was on Christmas.
In addition to that, he has a joint bank account that we both have a debit card too that is supposed to be for getting him things like groceries etc. Obviously I use it to get him things, but my sister is not currently helping him and has stolen from that account several times. Every time it has happened she has told him it was accidental and then she’ll pay him back, which she still has not. My dad is also a total enabler to her, she is extremely irresponsible about money and puts herself into debt and even though she’s not helping him right now he gives her many handoffs financially.
Recently, she and I got into an argument because she had owed me money from a lunch we went to- and she told me she could not pay me back and that it’s not my money anyway (insinuating it’s not my money because my dad is helping me out financially the first month of my move). I was extremely upset by this because I have been helping him full-time and asked for very little in return, and she has stolen from him and thinks it’s OK to put any level of blame on me.
My dad is still of sound mind- he also has a will that has been made up years ago. I know a lot of people in the last post mentioned me becoming power of attorney, the problem with that is that my dad is still making pretty conscious decisions financially and would not put me in that sort of position where I have that control, even though I am his caregiver healthwise. I believe he has everything legally worked out in case his health gets worse that my sister and I both would be technically making the decisions
A couple of days ago I spoke to my dad and I very calmly laid everything out, and I said you are being stolen from, I have tried to tell you this many times and at the end of the day there is only so much I can do if you allow for it. he said he is not OK with her doing that, and sounded pretty adamant that he’s going to require her to pay him back and he appreciates me looking out.
Exactly 2 days later, today, I go over and my dad said that my sister called him and he is actually going to be paying for her kickboxing class for the year (which I ultimately believe was her way of calling him to ask him for money just in a general sense, needing an excuse like an exercise class that she knew he would front money for).
He had a totally different tone today than he had the other day. He sounded like a complete enabler towards her, defending her when in reality he knows that she continually steals from him.
I am at my wits end and I don’t know what to do. I feel like in a way I am enabling by continuing to help him when he is making these decisions that ultimately are wrong and not fair, like we see in real time the theft happening and him continuing to hand her money knowing it’s happening. I feel burnt out.
Obviously since my move a couple weeks ago I have been actively looking for a job and trying to distance myself from all of this. I have some regrets about giving up my original job to help him but at the same time I thought it was the right decision at the time.
My dad is very similar to my sister in that he has a very strong personality and can be a bit narcissistic at times. he is depending on me to help him 100%, with a small amount in return, while letting her steal and not help.
I don’t know what the solution is anymore, and I don’t know what to do going forward. Obviously it’s ultimately his money so if he decides that he is OK with being stolen from, there might be only so much I can do. What I can do is distance myself from helping if I feel like this is a really toxic dynamic, but obviously I have tried to still help him through everything because he is ultimately my dad..

me and my best friends have been friends for about 2 years now. as soon as we met we became instantly close and most people see us as one at this point because of how much time we spend together. recently though she has been doing/saying things that make me not want to be her best friend anymore. She has always had a bit of an issue with drugs. she can’t really go on a night out without touching cocaine. I am at a point in my life where i don’t want to be around that nor be around her when she’s having an awful comedown tbh. I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks, it’s still pretty fresh and we all went out last weekend. His friends left early so it ended up just being me him and her. she asked him if he wanted to get drugs with her and when she did they were taking it throughout the night. i rly didn’t like the person she became. Never letting me get a word in. constantly trying to talk to him every-time i would. i even noticed that they were being quite playful together. not necessarily in a flirty way but just kind of teasing and i thought to myself would i be doing this with a guy she was seeing? no. Since then she has been taking a bit of an interest in asking me about him, What he’s been saying to me ect. all whilst saying she’s never the type of girl that would be sneaky like that. i thought that up until now… We were at an after party and Him and I had left for 10 minutes to speak alone. the next day she asked me “were yous just kissing when you left with him or did anything else happen”. which i thought was strange. Now i don’t know if there’s any future with me and this guy but it’s the principle that i introduce her to someone i’m interested in and she turns into a different person. When we were at the after party she completely embarrassed me in front of him by taking far too much drugs , passing out, being sick and could barely string a sentence together so most of the night i was mothering her.
There has been other things recently like saying that i hadn’t shaved my legs in a while to him and making blatant mean comments to me when it’s just us. like “you have no boobs” or when i showed her a gym pic saying i looked like i was gaining muscle in my arms she responded with well you don’t have any.
Recently i have seen a complete different side to her that i rly don’t like. She always passes the snarky comments as jokes but i’ve told her she’s being too harsh then she still proceeds to make them. I’ve been backing off the past few days and she keeps on getting clingier asking me what is wrong and why i’m being distant but i don’t know what the hell to say to her without her going ape shit that i’m thinking of ending our friendship. Am i being a bad friend for being distant just now?
TL/DR- My best friend has been making snarky comments and taking a bit too much of an interest in the guy i’m speaking to. I don’t know if i want to be her best friend anymore.

Okay, maybe this isn’t the right sub but maybe it’s just my stupid bpd brain making me feel this way, but I have this friend, he’s my best friend and has been for a while, he was my FP for a period of time which fucked me up big time (not our entire friendship), and over the past few months, he was distant and I talked to him abt it and he said he was in a bad place mentally which I totally get and respect, I put distance between my own problems and his ears because I didn’t want to overwhelm him (and he asked me to which i’m okay with), but since ghat conversation it feels like he completely detached himself from me, he doesn’t even pretend to care about anything that pertains to my life, I dont talk to him abt my problems or my mental health, I tell him abt my spouse, my son, our pets, shows im watching, my special interests (I am autistic) and he always acts like it’s such a bother. I’m always there for him, I listen to his every thought, comfort him when things get hard, listen to him talk about all the things he loves, I remember important days and events and ppl he mentions to me, and he’s incapable of doing half of that for me, and idk if I’m wrong for hoping he would but I hoped, and the problem is that I value communication so much so Ive communicated to him that I feel like he doesn’t really care about me because his actions dont show he cares, we’ve had many conversations abt it and nothings changed, and I know ppl arent honna change for me they will change if they see a need to change, but it kills me that I cant tell the person that knows me best besides my spouse about the silly thing my baby did that day, or just anything about ME, if a conversation is abt him it can last hours, if it’s smth he relates to smth he knows. At this point i’m kind of over having conversations abt how I feel bc it seems clear he doesn’t care and it hurts that he repeats over and over that he loves me and cares abt me but doesn’t show it, I cant cut him off, but the pain of being incapable of telling my best friend ANYTHING is so big, I feel so alone, I feel used like he doesn’t love me for me but loves me for the things I can do for him, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

My (35M) ex best friend (36M) wants to sit down and talk in person about why we’re no longer friends two years later ahead of our mutual friends wedding in a few months. I haven’t been able to talk about why I walked away until recently. For clarity, I removed them from all of my social media except for WhatsApp and they didn’t reach out after I did so. I’ve written the below to read to them when we meet. Is it too much or should I be completely honest? Names changed for privacy.
“I think for you to understand why I did what I did, I need you to understand where it all started and where it’s all coming from. What I’m about to tell you is from my own point of view and I understand your perception of these situations at the time and now will more than likely differ.
I told you a couple of years ago in passing after having a few drinks that I had had a crush on you. That was putting it mildly. As for a long time I had very strong romantic feelings for you and I would say I had fallen in love with you.
I had developed a crush on you earlier in our friendship and the longer we stayed friends, the more intense my feelings started to develop.
When you went through one of the worst things I think anyone could go through, I thought I could shield you from the hurt you were going through and would continue to go through if I threw my whole being into being there for you, irrespective if you ever would feel the same about me. During this time, I felt our dynamic shift that beyond a friendship. Before you and Taylor broke up, for a series of months I felt you investing yourself emotionally in me and it felt that I had become someone or somewhere for you to have the emotional outlet you no longer had with Taylor. I don’t know and I don’t think this was done consciously by you. I think it was a result of circumstance.
After you and Taylor broke up, I clutched on to the sliver of hope that maybe this would be my time. If I waited, let you move on and continue to be there for you like I had been for so long, that maybe one day you’d turn to me and tell me what I wanted to hear. And then within a few weeks you told me you had started to see Ben. I remember the exact moment you told me so vividly, because for the first time in such a long time, I felt my heart break. A few minutes later I walked out of bar and hid in the car park and cried for as long as I could without raising suspicion as to where I was gone and I slapped my best friend face and personality back on.
Over the following 10 months or so, I felt you push me further and further away. The closeness we once had was starting to fade away. I had to try adapt to what our friendship was now going to be and also try move on from my feelings for you. Our time spent together went from what felt like constant to almost non existent. I also felt like Ben took a dislike to me, this left me apprehensive of being around you together, again this is my perception and may be different to you or Ben even. To be honest, I didn’t want to be around you two together because I didn’t want to have to see Ben get from you what I wanted.
When I started to date Josh it felt like I had started to move on from what I felt for you. You were no longer the person that occupied my mind the most. I started to feel happy again and I felt like I could be your friend, and just your friend. Then Josh ended it with me out of nowhere and I started to fall into a place of hurt and rejection by someone I started to really care about and trying to deal with feeling like that about you. Then a few days later I see on Instagram you had liked his post from two days after he ended things with me. At that time, I wasn’t in a place of full mental clarity and it felt to me that you intentionally did it to hurt me because you misinterpreted an evening where Aidan and I hung out and you thought that we were excluding you. I had thought you were someone that would never intentionally hurt me, and when I saw that, I felt as if you that hurt me more than anyone ever could.
Liking Josh’s post wasn’t the reason I removed you from my life, but it was the final straw for me. For months there were small but frequent instances of where I felt myself being pushed further and further from you. Our friendship had completely changed and I no longer felt valued or needed by you.
I had to step away from our friendship because it was killing me. And I had to decide between you being the Sun I orbited that would eventually burn up my oceans and leave me hollow. Or walking away, silently and without confrontation to find me again.
Walking away from you and the memories of our friendship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but I had to walk away.
You were probably the best friend I ever had and will probably ever have. I’m happy we had that time together but we’ll never be able to be friends again. I hope this clears up everything for you and I can see now that there was so much more to our friendship ending then what I think either of us thought. “

First off, feel free to comment about your own experiences. I would love it if anybody can relate. I'm also open to questions, advice, whatever you wanna write. This is gonna be a bit longer, just fyi. Excuse lack of proper chronological order and maybe some wonky sentences, English isn't my first language.
I was parentified.
For context, my mother has three children, I'm the youngest one, then there's my older half-brother (30) and my older half-sister (36). Their father was a violent alcoholic with schizophrenic tendencies (official diagnosis), luckily I never met him. I refer to them as brother and sister. I'm 21 now. I'm the only child of my mom and my dad, my dad has three other kids who are in the same age group as my maternal siblings. Lots of history with divorces and family fights, I'm the center of a complete patchwork family, everybody moved towns a lot, it's all a bit messy and disorganized.
My mother has severe borderline disorder and has massive trauma from several age stages, especially involving men. She was heavily parentified and yet socially cast out by her family herself. I don't remember a time where I didn't act like her father, emotionally. This is made worse by the fact that I'm trans so I was like her bestie before I began socially transitioning in my early teen years. Of course, this was a massive issue for her. She told me she had only ever wanted daughters. Materially she was taking care of things until I was about 11 - walked me to school and took care of the household, used to work, everything.
I remember sitting next to her during a talk/fight she had with my dad while she was sobbing, I can't have been older than 3 or 4. They got divorced around that time. As I grew older, I came to be my mom's sole emotional support person. We had moved to an isolated village with my step-father and she developed a severe agoraphobia for some time. My step-father avoided all emotionality with both her and me and therefore I was now her only friend. I overheard conversations that she shouldn't be having with her child next door and was told about her most severe fears and traumas from a young age. I was lashed out at on a near daily basis and punishment came unexpectedly. It would consist of being screamed at for minutes on end until I would cry and hyperventilate, but she wouldn't stop then.
In spite of her idea of punishment and raising children, she was incredibly attached to me, still is. This would include massive anxiety fits when she didn't know where I was or when I was getting into activities she didn't approve of. One time, when I was about 17, I went to a party in my friend's basement. She knew about this and approved it, knew my friends and where they lived. I didn't have any signal in that basenent so she couldn't reach me. She proceeded to look up my other friends' parents' phone number and call them to contact me. There was nothing she wanted except to know that I had arrived there.
Whereas my other siblings had long left the household years apart from eachother, both with specific and complex fights and banging doors and screaming fits, I was, as the youngest child, turned into a confessional and a therapist. I would mediate fights from a young age. I witnessed physical violence between my brother, my mother and my sister. My brother was the perpetrator for the most part (however, I was neither hurt nor threatened myself). Nobody proceeded to remove me from the situation or stop me from getting involved. From then on, every fight and every drama caused me intense bouts of anxiety and it, to this day, remains to be the only thing that makes me cry and/or lash out.
In a household full of anger, my anger was not tolerated. I was raised with some old-timey sort of black paedagogy (edit: by this i mean some nazi-era remnants type of paedagogy) (I'm German so it is something of a generational curse for some): I was to have unwavering respect for my parents, I was expected to be obedient, "let him cry it out" type stuff. At least when I was a younger child. When I got older, my emotions did not matter either. After stressful situations or fights that I proceeded to witness for most of my life, nobody ever asked me how I felt or explained to me what had actually gone down. I was left alone while not being left alone at all.
If I failed to provide emotional security for my mother or even attempted to call her out, I was made to feel immensely guilty. This could range from her crying/yelling things like "Why is it always me that must suffer" to guilt-tripping texts and blocking my contact for a while to very action-based suicide threats, depending on the situation. Her emotions were forced to be my emotions if I wanted to "stay alive".
At the same time, I still proceeded to excel in school. I felt like dying but nobody, and I tell you, nobody, noticed. I was a teacher's pet, I still had some loose friendships, I visited my dad once a month or more ever since my parents divorced. Nobody realized what I felt. I felt alone and had the worst depressive episode of my life when I was 13. I neglected personal hygiene. I never opened up to my father for many years. To this day I think he doesn't know everything. Especially during covid, him and my ex-stepmother were my safe space. When I first opened up to them, they welcomed me with open arms, my father was very strict and cold when I was young, but he softened, changed, and is everything and more I could ask for in a father. He is among the most positive examples of masculinity and especially of fatherhood that I know in my circles. He sends me postcards several times a month, wants me to visit, hugs me and tells me he loves me and that he's proud, gives me space. The dad who remembers the names of our childhood stuffed animals. Literally. I love him to death. He was also the only parent who engaged in activities with me and would play with me, later on take me to the movies, go to bars and restaurants, go to museums with me etc.
My mother got worse both psychologically and physically, she is chronically ill and needs immense support in a lot of things now. For about a year, my stepfather worked in a town far away and only came home during the weekends. This was during covid. Within a year, I developed a hatred so deep for my mother that I had thoughts that scared me. I took care of our pets and the household, was not allowed to get into any activities after school other than coming home and spent hours after my day listening to her rants, anxieties, fears. I get hateful goosebumps when I remember the way she used to call my name when she wanted me to do something for her. Sometimes she would make me stay awake for longer, knowing that I had to get up at 6am again. It was usually already around 12 at night. She wanted me to walk the dog before SHE went to bed because otherwise it would ruin her otherwise horribly insomniac circadian rhythm. Therefore I was not allowed to go to sleep. At that point she had not worked for more than 6 years and stayed home all the time. My stepfather and I did grocery shopping. She rarely ever leaves the house if she can avoid it. This was during the German version of my GCSE's.
I was denied medical care that could have potentially fixed my posture issues and other orthopedic issues. My mother deemed physiotherapy as inefficient and got mad when I asked her about it again. Money was always an issue. We were evicted once. I was denied certain things and never asked for extra cash because we ran low on money, my stepfather was blamed for smoking and consuming a lot of meat (which indeed is pricy), but my mother never reflected on her online shopping addiction and I'm aware that she is in an ongoing debt. Has been for years now.
Things got a bit better when my stepfather moved back and Covid cleared up somewhat. Regardless, I used pure spite to continue studying hard while they were yelling at eachother from the top of their lungs for hours on end and did the best I could to get the hell out of there. I've had therapy with several years' of breaks for a total of nearly 3 years now, that I partially applied for myself and I'm working on tackling everything. I live in a different city, studying subjects that I love. I get all my shit done, for the most part, I know how to do paperwork and know how all of the chores work. I can regulate myself in terms of sleep and food and cheap thrills. I have a (milder) case of anxiety. I keep meaningful friendships in which I find myself capable of avoiding all the harmful behaviors and attitudes I was taught. I'm learning to stand my ground and take responsibility for my own decisions and actions.
When I establish my boundaries with her now, she turns into some sort of anxious-attached mess. She over-apologizes to me. She puts me on a pedestal and I'm living a life that she is jealous of. She is intensely attached to me and considers me her favorite child and also hasn't properly gotten over my father, over 15 years of them being divorced. She will do anything to support me materially and then tear me down emotionally. Everything I tell her is followed by her mourning the life she doesn't have and never had instead of properly celebrating with me. She gets noticeably sad when I refuse to give her my full attention, she yearns for what she considered a deep and important relationship to me. But it was all just emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Now I sometimes can't help but meet her with the same attitude she gave me.
This is not perfectly chronological and all over the place. I have complicated relationships with my siblings and other relatives, which I don't mourn, but feel guilty about. My father and I are very good with eachother although I need to confront him about some things as well. With my mother I do the bare minimum to avoid conflict, yet without throwing my sense of self out of the window again. She is the only human who can easily cause anxiety attacks in me, no matter where or when. I sometimes wish I was not in contact with her. I have a tendency for smoking too much weed and being just a bit too careless with other drugs (although I rarely do those in comparison), but I also try and regulate this heavily (e.g. not finding a dealer but asking friends every once in a while etcetc). I think this stems from these experiences. Apart from that, I think I'm coping very well.
To everybody: it does get better. It does. Even when your emotions are a rollercoaster sometimes. You will be in a different place, maybe you already are, and you'll escape from these structures. I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is that I create my own reality and that nobody will give me my stolen childhood back. I am an (albeit young) adult now and I must do everything I can to avoid becoming like her. Her life is not a life I want to lead. There's hope and you won't always be in this place.

My (35M) ex best friend (36M) wants to sit down and talk in person about why we’re no longer friends two years later ahead of our mutual friends wedding in a few months. I haven’t been able to talk about why I walked away until recently. For clarity, I removed them from all of my social media except for WhatsApp and they didn’t reach out after I did so. I’ve written the below to read to them when we meet. Is it too much or should I be completely honest? Names changed for privacy.
“I think for you to understand why I did what I did, I need you to understand where it all started and where it’s all coming from. What I’m about to tell you is from my own point of view and I understand your perception of these situations at the time and now will more than likely differ.
I told you a couple of years ago in passing after having a few drinks that I had had a crush on you. That was putting it mildly. As for a long time I had very strong romantic feelings for you and I would say I had fallen in love with you.
I had developed a crush on you earlier in our friendship and the longer we stayed friends, the more intense my feelings started to develop.
When you went through one of the worst things I think anyone could go through, I thought I could shield you from the hurt you were going through and would continue to go through if I threw my whole being into being there for you, irrespective if you ever would feel the same about me. During this time, I felt our dynamic shift that beyond a friendship. Before you and Taylor broke up, for a series of months I felt you investing yourself emotionally in me and it felt that I had become someone or somewhere for you to have the emotional outlet you no longer had with Taylor. I don’t know and I don’t think this was done consciously by you. I think it was a result of circumstance.
After you and Taylor broke up, I clutched on to the sliver of hope that maybe this would be my time. If I waited, let you move on and continue to be there for you like I had been for so long, that maybe one day you’d turn to me and tell me what I wanted to hear. And then within a few weeks you told me you had started to see Ben. I remember the exact moment you told me so vividly, because for the first time in such a long time, I felt my heart break. A few minutes later I walked out of bar and hid in the car park and cried for as long as I could without raising suspicion as to where I was gone and I slapped my best friend face and personality back on.
Over the following 10 months or so, I felt you push me further and further away. The closeness we once had was starting to fade away. I had to try adapt to what our friendship was now going to be and also try move on from my feelings for you. Our time spent together went from what felt like constant to almost non existent. I also felt like Ben took a dislike to me, this left me apprehensive of being around you together, again this is my perception and may be different to you or Ben even. To be honest, I didn’t want to be around you two together because I didn’t want to have to see Ben get from you what I wanted.
When I started to date Josh it felt like I had started to move on from what I felt for you. You were no longer the person that occupied my mind the most. I started to feel happy again and I felt like I could be your friend, and just your friend. Then Josh ended it with me out of nowhere and I started to fall into a place of hurt and rejection by someone I started to really care about and trying to deal with feeling like that about you. Then a few days later I see on Instagram you had liked his post from two days after he ended things with me. At that time, I wasn’t in a place of full mental clarity and it felt to me that you intentionally did it to hurt me because you misinterpreted an evening where Aidan and I hung out and you thought that we were excluding you. I had thought you were someone that would never intentionally hurt me, and when I saw that, I felt as if you that hurt me more than anyone ever could.
Liking Josh’s post wasn’t the reason I removed you from my life, but it was the final straw for me. For months there were small but frequent instances of where I felt myself being pushed further and further from you. Our friendship had completely changed and I no longer felt valued or needed by you.
I had to step away from our friendship because it was killing me. And I had to decide between you being the Sun I orbited that would eventually burn up my oceans and leave me hollow. Or walking away, silently and without confrontation to find me again.
Walking away from you and the memories of our friendship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but I had to walk away.
You were probably the best friend I ever had and will probably ever have. I’m happy we had that time together but we’ll never be able to be friends again. I hope this clears up everything for you and I can see now that there was so much more to our friendship ending then what I think either of us thought. “

I think I just need a place to rant about my life that isnt my family, I dont really have anyone in person to talk with and I dont really want to bother anyone.
I guess I should start at the beginning, when I was in elementary school my family and I were broke af, like more than I realized at the time. I knew that we didn't have much money and that my dad didn't want to tell me what our actual financial situation was, but I knew it wasn't good. looking in from outside it seemed like I had it all, and it still does...
I should mention, my dad was working full time, with overnight but it didn't pay well enough to sustain a family of 4. he had to quit due to health reasons, the job was literally killing off their employees (that's not an exaggeration), from my current understanding and from what I remember, they had to take these biological shots (I don't know why) and people stopped showing up to work over time. according to the info I got back then, they all died due to some reason like "heart attack" or "organ failure". It was in accordance with the gov and whatnot. So it's either leave or die, my dad's health was declining hard because of this. He had to take up learning health and related things on his own, he's alive and well now.
At the beginning of 7th grade, I somehow got the newest iPhone at the time, the iPhone 7Plus, I was super excited because that was my first smartphone, I kept it all the way till 2020, I still love that phone and the memories that I made with it. Anyway, it was the coolest thing at the time, it wasn't till later that I found out that it was my uncle that paid for it. Life seemed... fine, I was having fun. Nearing the end of 7th grade we had to sell the house, we rented another one close to my school at the time so that I could finish elementary school there.
Everything seemed great till the end of 8th grade, we couldn't stay there anymore since (I believe) we were behind on rent. So we had to move out, luckily enough we have some relatives that we could fall back on but they were a few town/cities over (~230kms), I was trying to do my best to stay positive, in all honesty I don't know if it worked.
Some time after we settled in, we managed to find a stable source of income but there's no paper trail. (we didn't think it was at the time). Now we have the financial freedom to buy whatever and to whatever (within reason obviously)

1. "Friends"

After leaving my home town, I only stayed in contact with a couple of friends till a couple years ago (2022). one of my childhood friend's who I thought as a "best friend" couldn't be more wrong, he said he didn't want to be friends anymore, which was weird because we went through thick and thin together, we did everything together, you could've mistake us for brothers. He ghosted me for a whole month, I called up a mutual friend to ask about him and put us in a 3-way call, that's when he said "I don't think we should be friends anymore". That's when I truly realized that I was alone, although I did make some "friends" in high school. I know that I'll never have anything as close to that friendship ever again, there isn't some 2nd chance to get a childhood friend.
I went to high school in the new city with my cousin, that was my only saving grace. We were pretty close and still are. At the very least I met a couple people that have become good friends even after graduation.
I remember clear as day, 2 of my close "best friends" in 8th grade promised each other that we would get manual cars as our first cars, so far from that I scraped from social media and what I last heard about them, I'm the only one that went through with it. Not that a promise meant much to me, it never had.
Actually if you're reading this, what does a promise mean to you? I know doctors are not allowed to promise anything, so that tells me it's supposed to be impactful. I guess I have a life full of broken promises.

1. Relationships

After grad in elementary school I got into my first relationship thanks to my school's "bully" (he wasn't really targeting anyone, just picks on everyone (except in his friend group)) at least he knows and acknowledges it according to his instagram/snapchat story (years later).
One day in 8th grade, he just straight up tells this girl that I like her while walking past a doorway (which I didn't, I was interested in another girl but we had went our separate ways already) I was right behind him... after graduation, it gets a bit blurry but we got into a relationship because I didn't have the heart to say no (this haunts me later on), she broke up with me because of "long distance" but a short couple years later she told me that it was all a facade, she just wanted to know what it was like to be in a relationship, not that she had any interest in me. I- am still conflicted about it.
In freshman year of high school, I got asked out by a guy who was a year older, we were in the same club, I didn't have the heart to say no so I was in that for less than half a month, I still don't know how to feel about it.
Not too long after I asked a girl out (also a year older) and they said yes! Confidence boost +1. they wanted to identified as non-binary. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows though, the longer I was in that relationship, the more I learned about this person, the sooner I wanted to give up, disappear, they weren't the right one, they were nice but had some issues that I wasn't ready to deal with at the time. they kept talking about their ex, being abusive and such. after leaving that relationship I heard something that they said about that was similar to what they said about their ex, so what they said about their ex was a possible lie as well. good thing I left when I did.

1. Life

We are pretty well off now, still living with aforementioned relatives.
I got my first car halfway through grade 11, I wouldn't ask for any other car, its the manual version of my mom's car, she got that car when I was born so there is quite a bit of sentimental value to it even though I had just got it.
For this next part I swear I'm not trying to flex or anything, around 2021 I bought the newest macbook, ipad, iphone, etc. (my old ones either didn't work or didn't have) a fresh start.
but now I feel somewhat depressed, I don't think I have depression but at the same time I think I might. It's just lonely, Covid19 did not help. Whenever I think about it my heart aches, now I'm lost, I feel alone, I don't know what to do, I'm scared.
Somehow this is the only place I can turn to. The uncertainty of the future is truly scary.
I don't really say it in real life but, I'm sorry, for it being this long, for taking up space. I don't think anyone is actually going to read all this, but if you did, thank you, and I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Hi there!
I'm a college student(22F), and I'm graduating soon—yay! As an international student, I've had the chance to travel for my studies. Back in 2020, during orientation, I met Tom (22M). He was a senior, and I was a freshman(19F). With everything going online, we started talking a lot and quickly became close friends. I started liking him, and it seemed he felt the same.
Our friendship deepened, and I cherished every moment. Later, when some students opted to come on campus despite classes still being online, I was one of them, and so was Tom. I was so excited on my first day that I went to visit Tom, despite us being required to be quarantined (lol); and I met his best friend, Vik.
I spent a lot of time with Tom, often at his place or mine. We were practically a couple, though it wasn't official. Naturally, I became friends with Vik too since he was Tom's best friend. Vik was cool with me and my roommate, and he would often hang out with us or ask for our help with things. Everything seemed perfect.
However, things took a turn when Tom, who once treated me like the most important person in his life, started ignoring me. He stopped talking to me, showed no interest in my suggestions, and distanced himself. Confused and hurt, I tried to figure out what went wrong, but he wouldn't tell me anything. Feeling like I hadn't done anything wrong, I eventually gave up trying. Vik remained my friend, though, and I would often vent to him about Tom. His response was always vague, like, "Oh, people change."
A few weeks later, Tom started dating another senior, and I assumed that was why he distanced himself from me. I respected their relationship and let it go. During this time, Vik and I grew closer, spending a lot of time together, though it was purely platonic since I didn't have feelings for him.
Fast forward three years, and we barely talked until three months ago when Vik (26) reached out to me. We caught up, reminiscing about the old days, and decided to meet up. Our first meeting was a movie and dinner, and we ended up kissing—it just felt right. We met again and started enjoying each other's company even more. However, Vik then started sharing some unsettling things. He admitted he used to hate international students and found me irritating when I was with Tom. Major red flag, right? But I brushed it off, thinking he had changed.
Recently, Vik sent me a snap of Tom and me kissing, expressing his feelings about it. Curious and confused, I started asking him why it bothered him so much and why he hated international students. That's when he revealed the whole truth. He used to beg Tom to stop hanging out with me, feeling I was softening his best friend. He confessed that he hung out with me to find something bad to tell Tom so he'd dump me. The more he shared, the more I realized how much he hated me despite me doing nothing wrong to him. Tom defended me countless times, just saying, that Vik hates me because I am just an international student.
This revelation hurt me deeply. I had genuinely loved Tom and liked Vik as a friend. Vik admitted that he convinced Tom to focus on the senior lady(international as well) instead of me because I was taking up all his attention. It all made sense now.
Just four days ago, Vik made a 2.5-hour trip just to visit me, which really touched me. He had asked me to be his girlfriend before that, but knowing his womanizing nature, I said no. Despite this, he still wanted to see me.
Now, after learning everything, I don't know what to do or how to feel. I was starting to like Vik more because he's fun to be around, and Tom hasn't had anything to do with me for the past three years. Apparently, Vik informed Tom that he was starting to like me, and Tom jokingly called him out, asking if he broke us up just to have me.
I'm so disappointed and feel sorry for myself. I'm usually a nice person by nature, but now I just don't want to see Vik anymore. To make matters worse, he didn't sound apologetic when telling me everything. After I expressed my feelings, he called and said, "I want to apologize, but I don't know what I'm apologizing for."
I'm considering contacting Tom to talk things over, but Vik wants to remain friends. I really don't want to, but sometimes I think he needs a friend like me to remind him how to be human(he says it often). I've been acting like his advisor on some of his actions, therapist, counselor, and non-judgemental of his lifestyle, which many people, even his family does not agree with(I genuinely think, I was a very good friend to him) but now I just don't care.
Should I cut ties with him, even if he apologizes?
Sorry for the long post!

This girl, I've noticed her for the first time in middle school. She caught my eyes, yet remained a stranger in her own world. Something about this girl felt different about others. I rarely saw her speak or act, simply minding her own while on the way to school - which overlapped with mine. Even there she was not to be seen by me, mostly due to us being from different classes. Still, I recall seeing her on very few occasions, like field trips. I was not in love nor had a crush, though that was the time my curiosity began building up, wanting to know more about this girl.
It's an unexplainable feeling, really. Back then, I already got to recognize the sensation of romantic love, both its warmth and burden. Thoughts inside my head merely kept signaling, "I want to get to know her". Eventually, realizing we were still total strangers, I had no other option than to mind my own. This continued till the end of 9th grade.
Enter Highschool. Everything changes - new classmates, teachers, syllabus, higher pressure and what not. I didn't decide what to make of the new reality during the first few days, I simply rolled with it. Then came our first math class - to give some context, where I live, your level of math education is determined by 3 levels, with students from each level being grouped in separate math classes. As it turned out, that very same girl and I were grouped together in the same class.
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From that moment onwards things accelerated. I began noticing her more thoroughly as time kept going. It may sound weird, but I remember even dreaming about her once, despite us not even speaking to one another. I don't know what was it with me, an infatuation, perhaps ? I still didn't feel it with her, but I like to believe (or maybe those are my delusions) I felt a certain connection: that girl kept to herself, had a composed mindset, she focused on reading books and was on her phone before the teacher got in - despite always being surrounded by her own wonderful friends. Coupled with her short height, I couldn't but think how cute she looks.
One day, at math class as usual, sitting at the table in front of me, this girl did something unimaginable to my head - she turned her sit around to face me, and abruptly exclaimed with a smile - "did you know that our little sister's, [x] and [Y], are best friends ?" - we had a very brief chat about it, including one of our past sudden altercations, by the end of which she turned away and got back to minding her own. This was.... a lot shocking to me than a third party would expect...
Till that point, in my opinion, life seemed very predictable, unimpressive and disappointing. I was the social loser who didn't get to make strong bonds past kindergarten, so I didn't have real, true friends - just a few buddies I seldom chatted with. Coinciding with moving to the city I live in now before starting Elementary, I was pretty much doomed to be lonely, so from then on I never imagined to socially amount to anything extraordinary, much less to speak with another female (which has always been more intimidating). Now, this girl whom I wished to know and was too enclosed to talk to, broke the endless time barrier to inform a small piece of information. To say this moment was a change of pace is an utter understatement. Talking to one another gave me a clearer insight as to who the girl is - as composed, focused and quiet as she was, I could sense in her angelic-like voice and the way her vocals switched a hidden enthusiasm, an undiscovered encircling joy. Her voice signaled that she was truly interested to speak with me, and despite trying to stay composed, I felt as if she planned this conversation sometime ahead out of shyness to construct an abrupt small talk. Her character made me for the first time consider if I fell for her. She was a somewhat shy, introverted person with joyful attitude, and overall seemed like a kind, positive gal, simply too quiet to present it to anyone at once. But I was stunned not just for her character - she was gorgeous. Talking to that girl and formally facing her for the first time made me notice things unnoticed before - her enchanting, glistening eyes, her beautiful dark blonde hair, the humble little ears and nose, including the overall shape of her face. I barely kept myself composed as we responded to one another due to all this shock instigated by understanding who she is, and learning we were - in a way - related (not biologically ofc). Felt like forever, yet lasted less than a minute.
Of course, I began pondering about her reason to reveal herself as my little sister's best friend's older sibling. Two days later (and another month after), that girl repeated the first event: turning herself around to face me, then striking out a conversation revolving around our little siblings. By the third altercation, getting more smitten by her after each one, my interest in her peaked.
Here's what felt fishy: Us not amounting to anything but strangers meant this girl could chat solely about something seemingly as unimportant to HS students as familial bonds. I should also mention that by this period half a year has flown by. If so, why would she bother herself to say these things ? Maybe she just cares for our sisters' friendship ? That still wouldn't explain the timing...
Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but my something is telling me she's fond of me. And I think I'm starting to actually like here back the more I think of her. Sharing the same class with her gets me out of bed every morning, and the first sight of this girl feels like being showered with roses. I cherish every glance I get at her because of the warmth it brings to my soul.
I wish I were right about her feelings towards me, however this is where the letter must leave the reader at a cliffhanger. I don't know if she likes me, thinks of me as I have of her. Nor do I, nor her, have the courage to ask each other due to our mental struggles. Looking back, I think it's my fault. I should have attempted to chat with her myself instead of letting her initiate ever chat, it would explain why she gave up on trying. She was braver than I, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I really did let an opportunity slip, but that's a revelation to come. Best wishes, your fellow HS student.
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I get told I’m mature for my age ranging from classmates, teachers, and older people. I always stop and think “Am I really mature or is it because of the things I experienced?”. When I was kid I knew that Santa wasn’t real and other folk tales or things parents would tell children,(i know some kids also knew that) I acted like I still believed because it made my parents happy. It made them think I was still their little girl. I started to doubt my belief in god at an age that I should’ve been excited because the tooth fairy was coming. I would feel feel embarrassed waiting in line at stores because I felt like everyone was judging me, I felt like I was burning up. At that age I should’ve been focusing on making loom bracelets begging to go to Chuck E. Cheese. The moment where I could use my hands to do something I was put to do house chores, something my older brothers didn’t even do at my age and at their current age. But as my mom always says “why make them do it when they obviously won’t, he’s a boy”, I was a little girl. I get told to focus on myself when I complain but for some reason they can’t seem to focus on what they’re doing because they always stop to scold me. I had to be a grown up when my older brothers were still boys. Every day when I left to go to elementary school I would feel sick to my stomach because I would always think “what if someone robbed my mom?, what if she’s dead?, what if someone comes to my school and kills me?, what if my family died?” It was always a what if. I shouldn’t have been thinking of death at my age. I remember when I sometimes would cry on my mom’s lap because I was scared she would die, I don’t know why. Death was always in my head, it followed me around. It was a reoccurring guest in my home. I would act clueless in front of adults to make them gush over me but, I was disgusted at myself for doing it. My brother would show me gore like it was a silly cartoon, I watched and never said a thing. I don’t know why he would show me things like that, I was just a girl. I knew my dad and brothers were lazy, so I did the housework, tried to learn how to cook(I don’t know how I was let close to a stove at 7),and got straight A’s(and b’s) from elementary to middle school. But I’m a girl so it’s in my blood to do things like that, i wasn’t acknowledged. “How can I possibly be tired at fourteen” is what I would think. I would think the same at 13,12,11,10. I’m not enough and I know that, I’m a disgusting person and I know that, I’m a stupid failure and i know that. I hate being a therapist to my friends I get disgusted when they cry. I get disgusted when they do anything. I sometimes cry, I don’t know if it’s fake or real. I cried when my cat got ran over but a few minutes later I was on my phone and I later went to round table. I love my cat though. I cry but for some reason I don’t feel anything when I do, I just wipe my tears and get over it. I act like an adult and I get told to stop, I act like a girl and I get told to stop. I don’t want to be mature, why did I grow up fast. I want to run around and get my knees scraped, I want to play tag with people at school.