I've always had a crush on Grethel, ever since we met in freshman year. He was smart, funny, kind, and handsome. He was also the half-brother of """Josh Gogh""(not his real name)"", the famous actor. Grethel never bragged about it, though. He was humble and down-to-earth, unlike his celebrity sibling.
We became good friends over the years, sharing classes, hobbies, and secrets. We also worked part-time at the same bookstore, where we would chat and joke around during our shifts. Sometimes, I would catch him looking at me with a soft smile, and I would feel my heart skip a beat.
But I never told him how I felt. I was too afraid to ruin our friendship, or to be rejected. I didn't think he would ever see me as more than a friend. After all, he was the half-brother of an actor. He could have any girl he wanted.
Grethel lived with his mom and his younger brother in a modest house near our school and workplace, while I lived in a distant suburb. Whenever we had a long break between classes or shifts, he would invite me to his place to hang out. He said it was more convenient and comfortable than staying at the library or the cafeteria.
I always accepted his invitation, secretly hoping to spend more time with him. His house was cozy and warm, with family photos and souvenirs on the walls. He had a couch, a TV, a fridge, and a microwave in the living room, and a bunk bed, a desk, and a closet in his bedroom. He also had a spare room, where his brother Josh would stay whenever he visited.
Grethel and I had an awkward friendship at first, but we soon became closer. He would tease me, make me laugh, and share his thoughts and feelings with me. He would also play video games with me, or watch movies with me, or cook for me. He was the best friend I ever had, and I wished he was more.
One day, he asked me if I wanted to go to his brother's movie premiere with him. He said he had two tickets, and he didn't want to go alone. He said it would be fun, and we could hang out afterwards. I agreed, feeling a surge of excitement and nervousness.
I spent hours getting ready, trying to look my best. I wore a simple but elegant dress, and did my hair and makeup. I hoped he would notice me, and maybe feel something for me.
He picked me up in his car, and he looked stunning. He wore a black suit and a tie, and his hair was styled. He smiled when he saw me, and complimented me on my appearance. He said I looked beautiful. I felt my cheeks flush, and thanked him.
We drove to the theater, where we were greeted by a crowd of fans and paparazzi. Grethel held my hand as we walked through the chaos, and I felt a thrill of being with him. He led me to the red carpet, where his brother was waiting.
Josh Gogh looked just like he did on the screen, only more handsome. He had a charming smile and a confident posture. He hugged Grethel, and then turned to me. He looked me over, and raised his eyebrows.
"Who's this?" he asked Grethel, with a hint of curiosity.
"This is my friend, Marie," Grethel introduced me. "She's my classmate and co-worker. We came here together."
"Friend, huh?" Josh said, looking at our intertwined hands. "Well, nice to meet you, Marie. You're very pretty. Are you a fan of my movies?"
I nodded, feeling a bit starstruck. "Yes, I am. I've seen all of them. You're a great actor."
"Thank you. That's very kind of you to say. You have good taste," he said, flashing a smile. "Well, I hope you enjoy the show. Come on, Grethel. Let's go inside. The movie is about to start."
He pulled Grethel away, leaving me behind. I followed them, feeling a bit awkward. I wondered what Josh meant by his words. Was he flirting with me? Did he like me? Did he know about my feelings for Grethel?
We entered the theater, where we were seated in the front row. Grethel sat next to me, and Josh sat next to him. The lights dimmed, and the movie began. It was a thriller, and it was intense. Josh was the star, and he stole every scene. The audience gasped and clapped, and I joined them.
But I couldn't help but glance at Grethel, who was watching the movie with a serious expression. He didn't gasp or clap, even at the most shocking moments. He seemed distant and distracted, as if he was thinking about something else.
I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I didn't want to disturb him. I decided to wait until the movie was over, and then talk to him. Maybe he would open up to me, and maybe I would find the courage to confess my feelings.
But as the movie ended, and the credits rolled, Josh stood up and grabbed Grethel's arm. He said he had to go to the after-party, and he wanted Grethel to come with him. He said he had something important to tell him, something that would change his life.
He didn't even look at me, or say goodbye. He just dragged Grethel out of the theater, leaving me alone. I felt a pang of hurt and confusion, wondering what Josh had to say to Grethel, and why he didn't care about me.
I got up, and walked out of the theater. I looked for Grethel's car, but I couldn't find it. I realized he had left with Josh, and he had forgotten about me. I felt tears sting my eyes, and I cursed myself for being so stupid.
I hailed a taxi, and gave the driver my address. I sat in the back seat, feeling miserable and hopeless. I wondered if Grethel would ever call me, or text me, or apologize. I wondered if he would ever know how I felt, or if he felt the same.
I wondered if I would ever see him again.
I remembered the last time I saw him, before the premiere. It was the day before, and we had a long break between our classes. He invited me to his place, as usual. I agreed, as usual.
We went to his house, and he made us some sandwiches. We ate them in the living room, while watching a sitcom on TV. We laughed at the jokes, and commented on the characters. We were having a good time, as usual.
Then he suggested we play some video games. He said he had a new game that he wanted to try. I agreed, as usual. We went to his bedroom, where he had his console and his TV. He turned on the game, and handed me a controller.
We played for a while, and it was fun. The game was a racing game, and we competed against each other. He was better than me, but I didn't mind. I enjoyed his company, as usual.
Then I felt tired, and I yawned. He noticed, and asked me if I wanted to take a nap. He said I could use his bed, and he would use the couch. I agreed, as usual.
He gave me a pillow and a blanket, and told me to make myself comfortable. He said he would wake me up when it was time to go. I thanked him, and lay down on his bed. He left the room, and closed the door.
I closed my eyes, and breathed in his scent. His bed smelled like him, and it made me feel warm and cozy. I cuddled with his pillow, and imagined it was him. I fell asleep, as usual.
I woke up, and opened my eyes. I saw him, and I smiled. He was lying on the lower bunk, playing video games. He didn't notice me, and he was focused on the screen. He looked cute, and I felt happy.
I got up, and climbed down from the upper bunk. I walked over to him, and tapped his shoulder. He turned around, and saw me. He smiled, and paused the game.
"Hey, sleepyhead. How was your nap?" he asked me.
"It was good. Thanks for letting me use your bed," I said.
"No problem. You looked tired. Did you have a good dream?" he asked.
I nodded, and lied. "Yeah, I did."
I didn't tell him that I dreamed of him. I didn't tell him that I loved him. I didn't tell him that I wanted to be more than friends.
I didn't tell him, as usual. ```

Now hear me out, I know the title sounds awful but here’s the whole story. Met a girl online and we chat for a couple hours. It’s now midnight and she tells me to come over and sends me her address. We meet outside and sit in her car. We talk more and eventually things get heated. She’s kissing my neck, feeling on me, and when I reciprocate she grabs my hands and tells me to stop. She says she doesn’t move that fast so I say no problem and stop.
We chat longer and then suddenly she’s back on me, kissing me all over and feeling me, she’s moaning in my ear telling me how horny she is and then invites me inside. We’re in bed doing the same shit but she keeps telling me to stop and she doesn’t want to move so fast and she’d rather wait until we got to know each other more.. So I’m super confused because she says this but then keeps grabbing me.. So it’s super late at this point and I head out. I text her that I don’t appreciate her dangling sex in front of me like a carrot and the whole experience was confusing. She apologized and told me I should wait. I just stopped replying. Am I overreacting or is she weird? Why would you invite a guy over at midnight, do all this shit and bring him to your bed just to not do anything..

NOTE: I AM GOING INSANE. I had to move because my family had to sell the house because debt sucks. Life is stressful. Brain bad.
Anyway, I have FINALLY managed #43 and #44 should not be too far behind. I'm sorry for the wait/delay. I have written like... half a dozen half-chapters. The good news is that at some point soon-ish, a bunch of pre-written stuff will come together!
Thank you to u/tulpacat1 and u/BainshieWrites for helping me when I was going insane.

Patreon / Kofi/ Paypal
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SECURITY FOOTAGE TRANSCRIPT, MODIFIED TRANSLATOR SETTINGS ANDES-5
[standardized human time]: December 11, 2136
[Dr. Miranda Rodriguez enters the room where [2-B] is located, sporting an external translator hanging from her neck. Lihla is hidden behind the open door.]
Dr. Rodriguez: I’m so glad you’re awake, sweetheart, we need to talk.
[At that moment and for the duration of the recording, the translator outputs her words in the arxur language. 2-B’s whole body tightens within the blanket, wrinkling and bunching it up around her.]
2-B: I am not delicious, I am disgusting!
Dr. Rodriguez: …Oh, is the word sweetheart–okay. Um. What would you like me to call you?
2-B: my name is 86392-B.
Dr. Rodriguez: …I’m going to have a hard time with that, young lady.
2-B: So call me prey like a boss that doesn’t lie.
Dr. Rodriguez: …My goodness. Um. That is a lot to unpack there. Let’s bypass names for now, you can tell that I’m talking to you here.
[Dr. Rodriguez loosely swings the door shut with her foot, and walks over to a desk that has been placed next to the bed, placing down her pad on it. Just before she sits and turns towards 2-B, Lihla quickly and silently slips past the door and under one of the other, currently unoccupied beds in the room. Dr. Rodriguez takes a slow, deep breath.]
Dr. Rodriguez: Look, I understand that you’re very distrustful of us. That’s completely natural given your background, and I know you will take time to adjust. There is no rush. Trust takes time to build.
2-B: Trusting bosses is stupid. No boss is good boss.
Dr. Rodriguez: …Right.
[2-B offers no response. Dr. Rodriguez fiddles with the plain golden ring on her right hand.]
Dr. Rodriguez [voice hushed]: That said, we’re in a bit of a situation. We want to keep you safe here, but we may not be able to do that if you continue to pose a danger to those around you.
[2-B offers no response]
Dr. Rodriguez: We’ll do our best to keep you out of harm’s way, but we’re going to need your cooperation in the matter.
2-B: Is the Savageness dead?
Dr. Rodriguez [shaking her head with a smile]: Oh, not at all. Andes is alive, well, and expected to make a full recovery. We’d be having a very different conversation, if they were dead.
[2-B looks at Dr. Rodriguez more intently, her ears fixed towards her now. Her muscles tighten.]
2-B[voice quiet and uneven]: How long before he chops me up?
[Dr. Rodriguez’ eyes bug out and her jaw falls. She spends four seconds immobile before shaking herself and resuming the interaction.]
Dr. Rodriguez: Nobody is going to chop you up. Andes does not want to hurt you.
[2-B’s paws tighten into fists and her ears slant backwards]
2-B: You lie! All lies, all the time!
[Dr. Rodriguez takes another deep breath.]
Dr. Rodriguez [softly]: I am telling you the truth. It is very important that you do your best to be calm and composed in the coming days, because in order to make sure no one hurts you, we have to show them that you are not dangerous.
2-B: I am very dangerous. I am dangerous and scary and disgusting!
[Dr. Rodriguez sighs.]
Dr. Rodriguez: Perhaps we can have this conversation when you are more settled down. I’ll have someone bring food at the end of the claw. Please ask if you want to use the washroom.
[Dr. Rodriguez stands up and walks out of the room. Once she is out of the room, Lihla peeks from behind the unused bed.]
Lihla: See? Savageness Director is strong. Nobody can kill him.
2-B: The legend killed an old boss. I can kill a new one.
Lihla: You think you are strong, but you are wrong. You are weak because you don’t understand.
2-B: I understand you are stupid. You believe their lies. Marco too. They will take you to the chopping place and you’ll walk in happy.
Lihla: There is no chopping place in prey planet. New place, new rules.
2-B: There is always a chopping place. We don’t have to know where to know it’s there.
[Lihla stands there for a long moment, her tail swaying side to side. She exits the room without another word.]
____
Memory transcription subject: Varla, Nurse at the Venlil Reintegration and Rehabilitation facility
Date (standardized human time): Dec 11, 2136
I almost tried to extend my leave after such nerve-wrecking paws. First, my stupid breakdown in front of the Director; second, with the wave of stampedes across the planet due to the raid alarm; third, the news that the Director had single-handedly saved the lives of thirty-seven people with his emergency human-leg-powered ambulance, only to be hit by a car for his trouble; fourth, that the girls had escaped; fifth, that one of them had stabbed him and… Well that was probably it, but it was a lot!
I knew working for humans would be stressful when I applied, but I didn’t realize it would be this stressful! So many problems, all happening so quickly, and when I got back Ayodele was just… working. Like it was normal! I spent the whole time on edge, almost jumping out of my wool when I heard a sudden noise because one of the children dropped a toy brick by accident.
Halfway through my shift, I heard they were talking about not sending that little monster to a Predator Disease facility. Dr. Rodriguez had been put in charge of her care while Director Andes recovered, and they were debating how to organize the situation to ensure the safety of the herd and the predator girl who had already tried to kill someone. My fur began to stand on end at the thought of her staying in the facility. At least the humans think she should be separated from the herd for now. I kept thinking about Director Andes, unarmed, willing to take a knife to the gut in the line of duty.
Is it okay to have a crush on him if he’s not a monster? Probably not. I was being ridiculous. Even if I hadn’t been, humans apparently thought dating underlings was predatory, so he wouldn’t want to do that. He probably didn’t want anything to do with someone so pathetic and weak that being told humans don’t want to eat her made her rush off to cry in her car for half a claw while she tried to calm down.
It was probably more like a third of a claw. Still too long, obviously. Plus the leave.
It didn't make any sense. It matched what he said, but… it didn’t make any sense. Nobody would have held it against him, if he’d fought back. Rumours said he hadn’t even tried. What kind of… “omnivore” didn’t even defend himself?
“It’s so sad,” Ayodele told me as we finished our shift together. “She’s spent her whole life trapped in this eat-or-be-eaten world… Literally! Her life is already going to be so difficult…”
“Sad? She’s dangerous!” I said reflexively. I should have thought better of it, but it was just so ludicrous!
“She was afraid we were going to eat her. You should understand what that's like,” Ayodele told me, suddenly defensive on behalf of the predator-diseased monster who had nearly killed Director Andes.
“I was afraid too, and I didn't try to kill anyone because of it,” I said, putting my paws on my hips.
She raised an eyebrow. “Did you grow up watching the arxur eat your friends and siblings every day?”
“Well, no, but–” she cut me off before I could finish, glaring at me with the full force of her binocular eyes.
“Right. I think her reaction being more extreme might make sense given those circumstances, Varla.”
My paws and tail were starting to tighten in frustration. Arguing was useless, so I flicked an ear her way and focused on my pad. Once my shift was over, I stumbled out to my car, almost in a haze. What kind of people reserved so much kindness and patience to those who would kill them if given the chance?
I had to learn more about humans. Even if they were “false predators”, even if their eyes meant nothing, even if they were overwhelmed with nurturing instincts… It didn’t make any sense! Self-preservation should kick in at some point!
I made my way to a more human-friendly bookstore, and started looking for things humans wrote for each other. There was a free digital selection screen, where you could buy books and request they be printed in a specific make. I chose the cheapest print-to-order design. I just wanted the information, and I wanted it with blank pages every chapter and large margins to make notes. I also wanted to make sure nobody could hack into my book, or see it in my account, or catch me reading human books on a holopad. Maybe it was paranoid, but thinking about Director Andes–about humans in general, really– always felt somehow wrong.
That all meant that human books would be more expensive. I sighed and trudged over to the digital selection screen.
Once there, I was met with a veritable avalanche of human literature, and no idea how to tell which ones would be too much for me, or which ones would be obvious predatory deception. I kept thinking about his words. “Nurturing instincts”, “innocuous” eyes. It didn’t make sense. Even if the Director was telling the truth about himself, even if humans specifically were predators in some… vestigial, irrelevant fashion… they eat flesh! I know they eat flesh. Director Andes even mentioned them having farms. They’re not misunderstood prey.
I flipped through dozens of options before giving up and looking at my neighbour, a young Krakotl who seemed very immersed in her own screen. She was looking at human books too. I shouldn’t have done anything, but my screen was terrifying and I didn’t know where to begin. I lightly tapped her wing to call her attention.
"Do you… do this a lot?” I asked, my voice on the quiet side to avoid calling attention to us. “I don't know how to judge human literature."
She tilted her head towards me. “I’m guessing this is your first time here? It is mine, too.”
"Yeah, I… I think I thought I was being open-minded, working with them, but I don't understand them at all,” I told her, my tail coiling anxiously. “I hoped this would help, but now I'm more confused!"
“Well, everything about humans is confusing. I’ve been hanging out with a human lately and, to be honest, I still can’t wrap my head around how they function. Everything they do, everything they say, it’s just so confusing.”
I felt like a ‘make it yourself’ toy that had been getting wound up tighter and tighter, and suddenly let free. "Yes!” I almost shouted. “Ugh. My boss is a human, and a strong one too, he has these veins that pop out on the skin of his arms, and… he apparently has never been in combat with another human.”
Was he ever in combat with anything? He said he’d never gone hunting. I thought about him lying on that medical bed, so… helpless. And yet still so strong. Able to withstand such injuries and still hold the respect of his people. If he couldn’t, they’d probably cull him, right? I kept talking. “He just… likes being terrifying? But not to be terrifying."
“Exactly!” she said, her eyes lighting up in agreement. “Nothing they say makes sense; it’s as if they rationalize everything in ways opposite to how we’d do it. I’ve been going through very old literature from my people with my human friend, and the conclusions he takes from the texts are nothing I could come up with.”
My ears perked up at that. "What has he said?"
“He seemed to think that Krakotl could kill other Krakotl! Preposterous, I say. Everyone knows that prey don’t kill other prey.”
I frowned. I knew people who had died trying to defend the human homeworld. They were not killed by humans, or even the arxur. Humans might bring forth strange situations and bizarre ideas with them… but they didn’t make the krakotl fleet attack venlil ships. Kalsim did that.
"...Except in the extermination fleet, right?" I asked.
She stumbled over her words as she tried to respond. “W-well, yeah, but they’re an exception. To think that we’d kill each other in ancient times! I understand his reasoning – humans killed each other in ancient times, so other species must’ve, too. And while I find it a bit flimsy, I’ll admit it is an interesting thought to entertain. The Extermination fleet is an exception to this, as it was a desperate measure that…” She sighed. “Honestly, shows that we can be murderous, too.”
Her posture dipped a tad as she finished. I found myself getting a little lost in her explanation, and thought back to Director Andes’ words. I do not have any particular desire to eat you.
"What else has he said?” I asked. “My human said that he has no bloodlust. Of any sort. And had none of it as a child either."
Should I have called him ‘my human’? That doesn’t mean anything, right? He’s just the human I am most routinely in contact with. Except that’s probably Ayodele. He’s… the human I brought up earlier. That makes sense.
My question seemed to energize her again. “My human has admitted he has no bloodlust, too! It’s so weird – I’ve developed a hypothesis; that there’s some kind of division within human society between those who have bloodlust and those who don’t. See, I’ve been reading one of their books, and it centers on crime – which includes killings! Yet it was treated so nonchalantly, but at the same time, it was still seen as wrong. It’s the only possible logical explanation.”
I flicked my tail in thought. Did that make sense? Maybe the farms were staffed exclusively by humans who were “real predators”, while all the prey-humans had “vegan” diets and would willingly treat non-human people as their equals… "And the reason no human here admits to it is because the UN would never let a blood-lusting human onto Venlil Prime. It would be a political disaster…"
Her posture shifted up more excitedly. “Exactly! It all makes sense. I’m certain that they’re hiding something from us.”
"How separate are these two subtypes? Maybe they genuinely don't know," I proposed. It did not take very long, since we made contact with Humanity, for the kolshian-farsul conspiracy to come apart. Maybe it would not be long until some human conspiracy fell apart due to prey species’ scrutiny. Maybe Director Andes genuinely did not realize there were humans currently alive who were real predators. Maybe the “urban, academic population” was some sort of prey-human cluster.
“I haven’t thought as far, but I’m sure that they must be somewhat aware of it, as their own Exterminators are equipped to deal with their own people. It might be similar to our own predator disease, but at the same time, it feels like it’s more widespread for humans.”
That didn’t sound right to me. Predators should be immune to predator disease, no? They would already have it by default. I asked about her book,, but my mind kept spinning around the notion of such a division. It would have been in the briefings. I knew that the UN hid things from the venlil, but something of that magnitude would pose a threat to our population. The humans wouldn’t risk endangering their closest ally during a war by withholding important information, would they?
“— murder is treated very nonchalantly, from what I gather, in the humans’ world.”
I tilted an ear to signal I was thinking. "Hmm. Humans treat a lot of terrible things nonchalantly. Like my terrifying boss."
She leaned a little closer to me. “Yeah? What’d he say?”
"He was just very comfortable with our Arxur-speaking children at the facility. And…” I probably shouldn’t spread stories like that without asking him if they were true, but… “I heard rumours he spent time with the greys on Earth during cleanup."
The karkotl’s beak fell open, and her feathers started to puff up. “A grey?! I can’t believe it, I hope he has nothing good to say about it.”
I signalled ‘quiet’ with my tail. We are in public! "Well, he hasn't said anything at all. It's mostly rumours. But it's still so strange! Such a strong, terrifying predator, and he will gently carry a sleeping patient to bed… I just don't know what to expect, with humans."
She lowered her voice. “Neither do I, to be honest. Everything I’ve heard about humans seems like almost the complete opposite… You know, despite the obvious ‘predator’ signs, it’s as if my human friend went against all of that! He’s so sweet sometimes.”
"How?" I asked, trying not to think about how enticing the prospect sounded to my ears.
“Just the other day, yeah? He’s invited me to a ball they’re holding in his shelter, and he just goes and asks me to practice dancing with him. It might seem weird, but it seemed so lovely to me…”
"They can dance?" I asked. I imagined Director Andes doing those strange movements he did sometimes in the recreation room. Were those part of human dancing? Did they go on the palms of their hands, or squat down? He was so strong, so deliberate with his movements… He’s probably an amazing dancer. I imagined him doing pirouettes in the air to some aggressive, violent human music with chanting and drums.
“It weirded me out at first too; I wasn’t too sure on how that’d work out. Their dances are so unlike the Krakotl’s. More than energizing movements to attract a mate, it seemed much more… I don’t know how to properly describe it, but it was much more gentle. Definitely unlike any dance I’d seen.”
"They dance gently?" I couldn't shake the shock. With muscles like that, I would expect dances to look almost like fights. Then again, if he knew how to fight, would the girl have been able to hurt him..?
She kept talking. “Yeah! It’s so strange. He did tell me there were many other types of dances, but the one he’d practiced with me was just like that. It’s like I was almost in a trance, with him holding me in his arms…” her feathers shifted and her face grew a slightly deeper purple.
"I see. I've heard humans can ensnare prey with a trance, so be careful with that," I said. It was probably a crush. Just like how I probably had a crush. But I hadn’t fully ruled out the “humans can affect the minds of the krakotl, and also maybe other prey species” hypothesis. Maybe LastDefense233 wasn’t an idiot.
Maybe there was a better reason for this whole situation than “you’ve fallen in love with the flesh-eating monster”.
“I am! I know full well what I’ve gotten into,” she said. “You know, I’ve already been told by some people that I’m playing with fire, but I’m not naïve. I still have my eyes set out for the human’s deceit.”
I thought back to her idea that there are ‘prey’ humans and ‘predator’ humans, as two distinct classes. It didn’t seem right to me. "That's good. I think the humans at my job are mostly honest but… they don't understand what it's like to be prey."
“They really don’t seem to comprehend it! It’s as if they actively try not to acknowledge that a distinction exists between ‘predator’ and ‘prey’,” she agreed.
"Just a few paws ago, my director said that humans can consider the same animal predator and prey! It's like black can be white sometimes to them!" I hissed. They could eat meat, but chose not to. They had tiny teeth, but binocular eyes. They were big and strong and deadly, but also… long and gangly and bent in odd ways… They spun their heads around like they were about to pounce, but were almost blind on the sides and easily startled.
“It really is plain ludicrous with them. Some of the things they say are like that but, to be honest, I find it kind of endearing, you know – it’s as if they were full of naïveté on how the natural order actually worked. It’s so strange to think of how a predator perceives the world.”
I thought back to those shakes Director Andes was always drinking. How much had he given up, to accept a role helping people he had nothing to do with? "Especially predators that choose to avoid predating, right? It's such an… idealist thing. How they fight against their own nature."
“Yes, exactly,” she agreed, “I find it kind of noble, in a way. Like they’re trying so hard to be just like us, yet their own nature betrays them.”
I was about to ask her about what her human looked like when I realized we'd been hogging the stations for a while, and started to feel guilty about it.
"What book will you get?" I asked instead.
“Ah, right! You know, it’s not for me, but for my human. There’s this festivity they have about gift-giving, and I was thinking of gifting him a classic Krakotl novel translated into his language.”
There is a human festivity about gift-giving? I should look up human festivities. What if the Director expects a gift? I asked something polite while my mind got stuck on the idea of upcoming human festivities. How often did humans celebrate? What did they celebrate? Did they have birthdays, or something like their ‘first kill’? Was that too predatory? Did they celebrate the first time they ate a vegetable?
Somehow, the topic turned to human music she’d listened to.
"Was it slow too? Like their dance?" I asked.
She tilted her head one way and then another, as though swirling her thoughts around inside her skull. “The piece of music he put on for me was somewhat slow… But I don’t know if that’d reflect on the rest of their music. Though ‘slow’ isn’t perhaps the right word for it; it was sometimes slow and sometimes not.”
"Ah. Unpredictable, like they are?” I asked, flicking an ear in understanding. Music was something I hadn’t given much thought to, but maybe it was the key to everything. “In my facility, they are teaching a venlil child music in order to help him relearn how to speak after an injury. They're using venlil music, of course, but… they understand it differently. Maybe humans use music in other strange ways. It could be the secret to their power over their instincts. Then again… They keep saying those instincts aren't real."
“Yes, exactly: unpredictable! And I hadn’t thought of their music like that. To be honest, I hadn’t paid much attention to it, but what you’re saying does sound interesting…”
I lowered my voice more, suddenly more worried about being overheard. "Do you ever wonder what it's like? To be one? The Krakotl were cured centuries ago, of course but… I keep wondering about it. About what it's like to be like them. So much… power."
“It’s a thought that’s sometimes crossed my mind, but frankly I wouldn’t want to be like them…” her head dipped sadly for a moment. “To be fighting against your own instincts all the time, telling you to eat people! I don’t think I’d have the mental fortitude for that.”
I nodded, like a human. I didn’t realize I’d started until after I’d stopped. "It must be patience beyond imagining… Incredible self-control, with temptation just… everywhere. Everywhere around them now. Everyone they talk to here who isn't human, every time they walk by a park and see birds flying by…"
“Yes, just like that. In some weird way, I find that quite admirable… And they even deny they have such a thing! It must get so tiresome to pretend you’re civilized all the time.”
That was… An interesting way to put it. Pretending to be civilized. Isn’t that what every society is doing? Isn’t that what PD facilities are for? To help us pretend? We’re all animals, after all… We’re all prey.
"Is it even pretending, at that point?"
The question threw her off. “Perhaps not? I did say earlier that I believed there were two ‘types’ of humans… So perhaps they really don’t have a bloodlust instinct? But that wouldn’t make sense – they’re predators!”
I flinched. We were being too loud. I should just get back on track and ask about human books. "Did your human friend tell you of any human books I could try? Maybe if we could understand them from within…"
She paused for a moment, presumably scouring her memory for information that did not exist. “Not really. He mentioned that their ‘crime mystery’ genre is somewhat similar to our Exterminator fiction after I told him what it was about… I’ve read one book from that genre and it’s been quite fruitful in trying to understand them.”
I flicked my ear in agreement, instead of nodding, like a normal person.
"...Alright. Well, thank you for the conversation. I will… try to find something before the clerk gets mad at me," I said, blooming a little as it sunk in that I'd been at the station for so long.
Her feathers puffed up a little in surprise. “Ah, yeah, you’re right! My bad, but it’s been quite an interesting conversation.”
"...Would you like to talk about humans some other time?"
“Yeah! I think that’d be nice.”
We exchanged information, and she headed off. I returned to the screen, searching by genre. There was a whole section of human romance. A warm bloom came to the tips of my ears, but it did not stop my paw from tapping the "see more" button.
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Patreon / Kofi/ Paypal

Recently I moved back to my hometown after living outside the country for the past year. As soon as I moved back I grew very very close to this friend whom I’ve known for almost a decade. During the time I was living outside my country he had asked me to illustrate some texts he’s been working on for a printed edition he wants to release and I agreed on it.
Maybe around two months after I moved back we were at a party and he drove me home, but we had been talking about very interesting subjects and I told him to come upstairs to continue the chat. We ended up drinking a lot when we were at my place and ended up by getting very drunk. we kissed and he stayed over.
Surprisingly it seemed like we both liked it a lot so we started seeing each other almost every day and started sharing maybe our most personal experiences with each other, and because we both enjoyed writing I showed him some of my most private texts and ended up showing him this sort of “personal universe” that Im very private about.
Around the same time that I was hanging out a lot with him, I started to kiss this girl I used to kind of date before I moved out of the country. Our relationship never became too serious because i had recently ended a long relationship and because we both new i was moving away. Things between her and I never had an ending bc I moved away and then eventually we both got boyfriends. since i moved back we both broke up with the guys we were seeing and started to kiss whenever we’d see each other. I never thought much about it but of course there were some old feelings left unresolved that made me wonder what would happen between us.
Then, one night at a party we were drinking and I kinda started flirting with this girl again but in front of him and somehow things got weird and the end the three of us ended up kissing. i rlly liked it and didn’t think much of it.
After around a month and a half of holding this dynamic where i would visit him often, he started getting very weird so I guessed he was going back to his ex. I didn’t rlly mind this but I wanted to know for sure so I wouldn’t be inappropriate bc we would still hang out a lot. he confirmed this was happening so i decided to back off. it rlly confused me bc i rlly didn’t know her and they had a weird relationship which was difficult for me to understand. i told this to some of my closest friends (including the girl i used to like) and i mentioned that i didn’t understand bc i didn’t know his ex that well and i didn’t get the reason why they would always get back together. i maybe commented on this twice but then never again.
then for the following month i keep hanging out a lot with him and with the girl i used to like (but im no longer kissing him, just her) and we start to build this sort of group dynamic where we talk about very deep stuff and create this bond i thought was quite strong bc we were sharing very intimate conversations. i feel like everything is nice bc i have two of my closest friends very present in my life and they are becoming very close too.
fast forward a month and he and the ex break up again. he tells me and i tell my best friend like yo guess what they broke up again. somehow he finds out i told my best friend and gets a bit mad, giving me this “warning” because he felt i shouldn’tve told her about his private life.
then, around a week later i invite some friends over and him and the girl who i used to like stay the night. we ended up having this kind of affair the three of us (again) and im mindblown about how nice things feel between the three of us. we ended up hanging out every day that week and they slept over two or three times more. at the end i stared to feel like his attitude started to get very weird towards me and very centered in my friend, and i started to get this gut feeling that things would get very painful. although she was kind of more neutral about it, by the end of the week i conclude that this guy has something in his head and it won’t be nice.
the monday following this week he texts me that he invited her out on a date and wants to know how i feel because he knows that we dated and that i had feelings for her in the past. i completely ignore his messsage until i see her and she tells me the same thing, asking me what i think about it. i tell her it obviously makes me feel weird because we had something and he’d been my friend for around a decade but that i would never intervene or get angry. that it was just weird. she asks me to please reply to him because they had spoken about it and they both wanted to know how i felt. bc i felt forced, i texted him and i mentioned how i noticed that he’d gotten this weird attitude at the end of our little affair last week, and he explained that it was because the intimacy had gotten a bit mixed up with the depth of the conversations that we were having. he said he was feeling uncomfortable and that he didn’t think it would be smart for the three of us to keep holding that dynamic. I told him i understood and that it was okay. i also explained to him my feelings regarding him and her going out but that i rlly just cared about them feeling okay and us remaining friends. that i just needed to know if he had any intentions of getting more serious with her so i could process it but that i would never do anything to make them stop. he said he cared mostly about holding healthy relationships with both of us, and that because we had been friends for so long that he rlly didn’t want to hurt my feelings or affect our friendship. things stayed like that and i think i was feeling a bit better even though things were odd and uncomfortable.
fast forward two more weeks and i get this chain of texts from him where he’s extremely angry about me “betraying our friendship”. apparently someone told him that i talked shit about his ex with a lot of my friends and that i had said that she was so boring, that i didn’t get what he saw in her and that i didn’t understand why they kept coming back together. clearly what i said was blown out of proportion and twisted to an absurd extent. I tried to explain to him what i’d actually said but he interpreted this as me avoiding responsibility and denying the facts that i disrupted his privacy. at the end he basically made it clear that we would no longer be friends.
it made me extremely sad and although i tried talking to him he didn’t want to hear from me at all. at the same time he started dating the girl and she slowly drifted from me, and our friendship started fading at alarming rates.
i have a very very very bad past with getting over friend breakups bc the most important thing in my life are my friendships and i rlly never learnt how to deal with this emotion of someone who knows you so deeply and then leaves.
after a month of feeling like absolute shit he texted me saying that we could talk and finally let me tell my version of the story. at the end of the conversation he told me he believed me, but that he was still quite angry because according to him, what i said was just as bad.
after getting home from that talk, i had a bitter feeling so i texted him telling him that no matter if we disagreed on the specifics, his words had an impact on me and that i wanted to review some aspects of my behavior i was maybe unhappy about and that i rlly wished he couldn’t condemn a years king friendship over this situation. i got very cheesy and said that our friendship meant so much for me and that in our conversations i discovered parts of myself i didn’t expect and that i hoped he did too. he never replied to my text and i’ve seen him three times since in different social gatherings but we haven’t spoken a single word two each other.
now it’s been almost two months since the whole fight happened and i keep on getting sadder. they are together now and i lost two of my closest friends. what next ? we’re all part of the same friend group which is quite close and i’ve been isolating myself from all of them since everything happened. i also don’t know if i should finish the illustrations im making for his texts.

First four chapters of the novel I'm working on. keep in mind this draft is very early. Please give any and all criticism and advice you can think of no matter how small. (should also mention that i am dyslexic so i apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes Grammarly didn't catch) any way, ill stop yapping now, here it is:
CHAPTER ONE
The cold winds raged as the small force of a few dozen men traveled north, the snow in front of them illuminated only by the silver glow of the moon.
In the lead was a young man on horseback. Barely 19, every other man there was by far his superior in age. Yet he led them, not because of his military record or his skill in battle, but because he had been personally selected to lead this force by their lord, the lord of Diduna, and the young man's father.
"Cadam!" a soldier from the back shouted. The young man turned his horse around. "Our scouts have identified the encampment, it was just south of the Bonlin forest," the soldier informed him. "Good, but tell the men we did not step into the forest itself," Cadam replied. "You still believe the stories?" the soldier chuckled. "I would rather be a fool for believing them, than a fool for not," the Soldier stopped chuckling. "Very well, but we should make camp here for the night and move out in the morning," Cadam nodded to him.
The men set up near a small rock formation. A group of four men huddled over a small fire they had started. As they huddled, they began to talk about the upcoming attack and about the one who would lead it. "Nineteen!" one man exclaimed. "A nineteen-year-old leading us into battle, the boy is barely out of the womb!" "Has Ganjo lost his mind?" another asked. "I suppose he wants his son to gain experience in battle," one tried to reason. "Well, I would rather not be a pawn in the child's first chess game! The emporer would never have alowed this" as he exclaimed this, the other men noticed a figure looming over them.
"Do you wish for every man in all of Antesia to know we were here?" he said as he kicked a thick pile of snow onto the fire, smothering it.
"I'm sorry, my lord, we were just cold, that's all," the first man said.
"You have hides, if it is too uncomfortable out here, then maybe you should have stayed in the city, I hear there is an opening for a dung shoveler at the stables”
one of the men started snickering but stopped immediately upon a glare from his friend. Cadam gave the men one last look before returning to his tent.
In the morning, the men packed up camp and began to march north. By midday, they saw something on the horizon. Cadam ordered his men to stop; he took a messenger and approached the encampment himself. As he approached the front gate, he stopped and turned to his messenger. "Approach their encampment and deliver to their leader a challenge to single combat," the messenger nodded and began towards the front of the encampment with his arms raised.
A few moments later, the gates opened, and a single person rode out on horseback. The armor they wore was clearly scavenged, what may have once been noble and quality gear was now tattered and worn away by many years and many battles, except for the helmet which was evidently new and of somewhat quality make. It was very similar to Cadam's own helmet, covering most of the head and face. As they approached, Cadam thought something was off about their face, his suspicions were confirmed when the stranger spoke.
"You have challenged me to single combat," the stranger said in what was unmistakably the voice of a woman.
"No, I challenged the leader of this encampment," Cadam responded.
"You are looking at her."
"I won't fight a woman."
"Okay then, don't" she said as she reached for her belt and threw three knives in Cadam's direction, the first two missed but the third implanted itself in Cadam's thigh. He fell off his horse and clutched the knife. As he tried to pull out the blade, the woman unsheathed her sword and dismounted her horse. Before he had time to remove the knife from his leg, her sword came crashing down towards his head. He managed to roll to the side, narrowly avoiding death.
She readied her sword for another strike. He drew his own blade, managing to parry her attack at the last second. With a sweep to the leg, he knocked her to the ground, kicking away her blade and pointing his at her throat.
"You cheated" he remarked.
"This wasn't one of your fancy duelling lessons. Prince-boy."
She said the word "prince" with more disgust than Cadam had ever heard someone say a word.
He discarded her weapon and called to one of his men.
"Tie her up along with any other prisoners we capture," Then he addressed the rest of his force. "As for the rest of you, you may keep whatever loot you find, Attack!"
CHAPTER TWO
The men reacted to this command with enthusiasm Cadam had not seen since they departed. The men rushed towards the encampment like a pack of starving wolves who just discovered a wounded deer.
Cadam finally removed the knife from his leg and dropped it to the ground. He remounted his horse and hurried to the encampment before his men stole all the action. Being on horseback, catching up with his men proved no difficulty.
Cadam charged at the head of his force, stopping at the front gate. a few of the men carried over a rudimentary battering ram made from the trunk of a tree. Cadam dismounts and readies himself for the ensuing battle. The gate crumbles after the fourth hit from the ram, upon its collapse Cadam leads his troops, charging into the enemy line.
A battle is a significantly different beast compared to a duel. Cadam had spent most of his days as a child training in the art of the duel with some of the greatest instructors Antesia had to offer, including his father. He was well prepared for nearly any one on one encounter with an enemy, but there was nothing that could prepare him for a real battle, a battle between two groups of men with every intention of tearing one another into pieces and showing no mercy.
Cadam was scared. He had spent weeks marching through snow on the way here, and he spent his entire life dreaming of his first battle. Yet, he was scared. Cadam stumbled, falling behind the rest of his men as they charged head first into the enemy.
He watched as they furiously battled, the sound of steel clashing was deafening. Cadam knew he couldn't let his men see him like this so he held up his sword and forced his legs to walk him into the fray of conflict. Looking for an opponent he could take by surprise, he saw one of his men on the ground seconds from death as a yellow robe fighter went in for the kill.
Cadam rushed the Fighter, plunging his blade deep into the man's side, killing him. He then turned to the soldier who lay on the ground and offered him a hand, it was he then noticed it was one of the men from the campfire a few nights ago. Cadam helped him up and they both returned to battle.
Eventually the Yellow robes were defeated, there was only a small number who did not fight to the death and chose to surrender instead. Cadam addressed his men and told them they may take whatever you can find but to leave the prisoners alive. The soldiers reacted very positively to this and ransacked the encampment for anything they could find.
Once the pillaging was complete Cadam organised his soldiers and gathered the prisoners who he would bring with him for the return to his fathers city.
By the time they were organised and ready to leave, night had crept in so they decided to rest for the night and set out in the morning.
Cadam sat around a campfire talking and drinking with the soldiers, the mood was Ecstatic in the wake of their victory. Cadam had finally gained the respect and appreciation of those around him, although he did not feel as though it was earned. Each man was so focused on himself and the battle that none had noticed their leader freeze and fail to exhibit courage and leadership. All they knew was that he led them to success and even saved one of them during the fighting.
As if in answer to Cadams thoughts, the very man he had saved during the conflict hurried up to the campfire. But the expression on his face was not one of gratitude but one of great concern. "sir, there's a problem" he stumbled over his words barely managing to get them out of his mouth. Cadam immediately arose from the spot he had been sitting at, discarding his thoughts and resuming the stoicism his men knew him for.
"hold on now, what's your name soldier" "N-N-Neeman, sir" "Alright Neeman, now what is the issue?" "My friends i can't find them" "These are the men you were at the campfire with?" Cadam inquired. "yes sir" Cadam let out a sigh and put a hand on Neemans shoulder "Listen, war is dangerous. I'm afraid your frei-" Neeman cut him off before he could finish his sentence "No, they didn't die in the battle, i was with them after" Cadam removed his hand from Neemans shoulder visibly annoyed "You should know better than to interrupt your superior" Cadam said with a disapproving glare"
"I'm sorry sir, it's just... I'm very worried. " " Why? how do you know they have not just gone for a piss" Suddenly Neeman diverted his eyes from Cadams, avoiding eye contact as though it were the plague "Because... Because they went into the Bonlin Forest" at the mention of the forest the chatter around the campfire immediately ceased, all eyes now fixed intensively upon Neeman and Cadam.
"Follow me" Cadam muttered as he walked away from the prying eyes. Once they were out of earshot Cadam turned to Neeman with a look of anger on his face "Can you fools not follow the single order i give you?" "I-I'm sorry sir i told them not to but-" "When did they leave?" "earlier in the night, only an hour or so ago" "show me where they went" Neeman lead Cadam around the back of the ruined encampment careful to avoid the eyes of any soldiers who may think it a good idea to follow
Neeman stopped 30 or so feet from the forest. The pine trees stretched high with leaves like those of daggers settled at the top. This would have given a good view into the forest given the relative lack of foliage in the lower half of the trees but there was an unnatural darkness within the forest, a darkness not even the moon could illuminate. But it was not only Cadams eyes that told him not to go any closer, there was a chill he could feel, radiating from inside the forest. This was not like the chill provided by the snow that covered everything outside the forest. This was not a chill felt on the skin or any other part of the material body. This was a chill felt deep within the soul, a chill that could only have a single source. "you feel it dont you" Neeman said as he turned to Cadam "There is a great evil within this forest" Cadam replied, not looking away from the darkness cloaked in trees. "Your friends are dead" Neeman did not contest this claim for he knew it to be true. Death seeped from every inch of the forest, they both knew instinctively that there was not a single living being past the point where the first trees grew.
"I'm sorry Neeman" Cadam said to Neeman as he turned his back on the forest. "We should head back to camp, we have a long journey to start in the morning" Neeman replied. As they walked back towards their camp Cadam had a deep uncomfortable feeling in his gut. He was being watched. And whatever was watching him, was looking at him from the forest.
Chapter 3
The following morning as everyone was packing up getting ready to leave a soldier came running up to Cadam "Sir, some of the men decided to go for another look around the encampment to see if we missed anything last night, and boy did we!" Cadam had hardly slept last night due to his thoughts resting on his performance in the battle from the previous day and the forest. Due to his tiredness Cadam was not in the mood for any nonsense "just throw whatever you found in with the rest of the stuff and have someone carry it" "you misunderstand me sir, that won't work" and why not?" Cadam asked this with a tone suggesting annoyance, the soldier either did not notice or did not care about Cadams mood for he continued in the same upbeat tone
"follow me sir, this isn't something i can carry and present you with!" reluctantly Cadam followed the soldier and to his surprise he did not see some piece of armour or a valuable relic, instead a wagon sat in front of him. "how did you guys miss this when searching the place last night?". The soldier made a drinking motion. "alright then, get two horses and throw some of the loot in the back" "what about the prisoners?" Cadam had completely forgotten about the prisoners taken during the battle. "how many are there?" Cadam asked "ten, eleven including their leader you defeated" the soldier replied "alright, spread the prisoners out so they cannot conspire amongst themselves, put their lead in the wagon and make sure her hands are bound securely. She strikes me as someone i will need to keep an eye on" the soldier nodded and left to complete this task.
It would take a few hours for the group to be packed and ready to go, with Cadam sitting in the wagon that also contained a majority of the loot and the yellow robes leader, as ordered her hands were bound very securely to prevent any stealing or escape attempt. Cadam climbed aboard the wagon once they were ready to depart "Follow the Nahilri minor downstream until we meet with the main river" he commanded. As they started to move, Cadam turned around to face the woman in the back of the wagon, his face adorned with a confident smirk "you nearly killed me, feel like i should know your name" he asked.
"Nima" she responded without looking at him.
"Well Nima, how is it that a woman becomes the leader of a yellow robe encampment?"
she scoffed at Cadam before answering him "i earned my position, i didn't get it handed to me by way of my birth. bastards like you are what's wrong with Antesia, and what we are fighting to fix"
The accusation of nepotism visibly shocked and offended Cadam. His smirk immediately faded to be replaced with a cold stare as it took all Cadams composure to conceal his anger at her remarks. He turned away from her and focused instead on the roads ahead of them
Now it was Nima's turn to smirk
They wouldn't speak again until night fell and they had to stop for rest. Neeman volunteered to take first guard of the prisoners but Cadam dismissed him
"you should get some rest Neeman, I'll guard them"
Knowing better than to argue, Neeman relented and went to bed. Cadam sat next to Nima
"You know, the world isn't as black and white as you think"
"Oh please, enlighten me" she said sarcastically
"My father wants to better Antesia as well, just like you do"
"And I suppose that requires him to control it as well?"
Cadam did not answer, she continued
"What is it YOU fight for? Do you want to conquer Antesia for your father? Do you fight to install your family on the imperial throne? You lead an attack on our encampment but do you even know who you fight?"
Cadam looked away from her, unsure how to answer
"I-I- I don't know"
Nima was surprised by this answer, she expected him to act defensively and combat her claims
"Well, I hope you figure it out.
She turned to look him in the eye
"And I hope you figure it out soon, before all of Antesia in engulfed in flames"
Once again Cadam had no answer, they sat there in silence for a few minutes before Cadam regained his composure and his display of confidence.
"you asked me why I fight, why is it you fight?"
"I wasn't born in a castle, or a palace" she chuckled "Or even a damn shack. I was born in the middle of nowhere, born to parents who died soon after my birth. The emperor never cared about people like me, we were not important enough. Just irrelevant peasants who were never worth a second thought. When he died and the yellow robes were created it was my chance to do something about it, to help people and to be more than a worthless lowborn. I fight to try and make Antesia a better place, one free of out of touch rulers who only rule because of their status. That is why I fight, to do what I can to improve the world, and I would die for my cause. Would you die for yours?"
Chapter 4
The small force would be on the road for many days, they followed the Nahilri minor south until it joined with the main river. In total it was a little over a month before they reached their destination, this was due mainly to the weather. You see during winter the northern reaches of Antesia were often hit with heavy snow and sometimes blizzard-like conditions. This winter was no different, despite the winter season nearing its end and the dawn of spring the snow would not let up for several weeks to come. This meant that for most of the journey, all that they could see was an endless sea of white.
So it was a great relief when they finally saw it. At first, they only saw a bright light shining over the horizon, and as they drew closer the small light morphed into what seemed like a bright ball of glowing radiance illuminating the night sky, Diduna.
After so long on the road Cadam was relieved to finally see his father's capital.
"When you see the city you'll change your mind about wanting to lead an encampment in the middle of nowhere" he said to Nima
"I'm a prisoner, not a guest"
After having spent so long travelling together Cadam had almost forgotten the reason he even left the city.
"Don't worry I'll put in a good word for you, I know the guy who runs this place. You'll get out in a month or two"
for what may have been the first time since they met Nima smiled.
"Alright then, you better give me the grand tour"
Their conversation was cut short as they reached the front gate.
There stood two men guarding either side of the entrance. Both were significantly better equipped than any of Cadams men. They wore silver plate mail with a crest engraved into the chest piece, it depicted a snake and wolf fighting with an eagle swooping from above.
At first, Cadam had not noticed him but next to one of the men stood an old man, he was dressed in fine silk robes and had a long white smooth beard.
"you have returned," the man said addressing Cadam
"Yes, Father I succeeded in the mission you gave me" When Cadam said this his manner changed instantly, he spoke not like he was addressing a friend or relative but like he was addressing his superior, his face became cold and emotionless and his tone completely neutral.
"Good, these men will take the loot and prisoners into the city, come with me"
Cadam immediately dismounted the wagon and followed his father inside the city
"you did well son. I have arranged to throw a feast in honour of our victory, hopefully, the first of many"
Ganjo led Cadam into the great hall. Its roof climbed high into the sky and its walls stretched as far as the eye could see, the ceiling was held up with eight great arches on either side of the hall. Massive tables adorned the floors nearly as long as the hall itself.
It appears that nobody thought to wait for Cadams arrival before starting the celebration being held in his honour.
"Enjoy yourself Cadam"
Before Cadam could turn around to answer, Ganjo had already left.
Cadam took a seat at one of the tables but before he could grab anything to eat, he felt the bench he sat on sink, to his right now sat a massive man, in both height and width. The man was nearly a foot taller than Cadam, he had long orange hair and a massive bushy beard to match. And unsurprisingly to Cadam, he had a leg of meat in either hand.
"Good to have ya back, and even better they're are throwing you this feast!" The man said addressing Cadam
"It's been a while, how have you been Grassio?"
"Been pretty boring with you off doing whatever it was you were doing, the others aren't half as much fun"
"where are they?" Cadam asked
"uuuuhhhhhhhh" Grassio said as he surveyed the hall
"ah!" he said as he raised his hand in a beckoning motion
"over here, found 'im" As Grassio said this two others took notice and began towards them
A man with short dirty blond hair sat to Cadams left, and a woman wearing a dark cloak with equally black hair sat opposite Grassio
"Haha, knew it'd take more than a couple of yellow robes to take out the mighty Cadam of Diduna" the man to Cadams joked as he put his hand on Cadams shoulder
"Good to see the possibility of war on our doorstep hasn't dampened your mood, ey Bogen" Cadam responded, matching his joking manner
"I see Grassio wasted no time stuffing his face." Remarked the woman
"Come on, my love! you know the war machine needs its fuel!" Grassio replied through mouthfuls of food
She rolled her eyes at him
"I see nothing has changed since I left" Cadam laughed
"Nah, old Adga here has hardly let me eat a thing!" Grassio said as he finished his second leg
"So tell us, lad, how was your little expedition?" asked Bogen
Cadam spent the next few hours filling them in, on the battle but more importantly his conversations with Nima on the ride back to Diduna. He decided it best to leave out mention of his performance during the battle and of the events around the Bonlin forest. A few hours into the celebration their chatter was interrupted by a soldier approaching Cadam.
"Cadam, your father has requested your immediate presence"
"Alright, I'll be with him in a min-" the soldier interrupted Cadam before he could finish his sentence
"Immediate," He said far more sternly this time
Cadam conceded and followed the soldier away from the party
"Don't wait for me" Cadam called back to the others at the table
"I wouldn't dream of it!" Grassio called back as he bit into another leg of meat
The soldier led Cadam out of the feast hall and through the streets of Diduna. The sky was pitch black, there was nobody on the streets and the only sound that could be heard was the faint celebrations from the feast hall. The soldier led Cadam up to the northmost area of Diduna, this is where the richest citizens and most important buildings were located.
But all of them were dwarfed by the great palace of Diduna. It Was made of glowing white bricks and was by far the largest building in the city, in both area and height. It had four great spires on each of its corners, these spires each stretched so high into the sky they looked as though they may piece it, but there was one final feature of the palace that dwarfed even these spires.
Protruding from the centre of the palace was a single tower, nearly twice the size of the four spires. Apart from the sheer height one of the other noticeable features of the tower was the golden engraving of a tree, the branches of this tree wrapped around the entire tower and upon each branch was a name. This tree showed the line of Didunas ruler from its founder down to Lord Ganjo, and next to Ganjos name, there was a space reserved for Didunas next ruler - Cadam.
At the highest reach of the tower, there roared a great flame, this was the flame of Diduna. Its glow burned through the night's blanket illuminating the entire palace.
Ganjo stood in front of the palace.
"leave us" he commanded the guard
The guard did as he was told and left Cadam to talk with his father. Ganjo turned and walked inside the palace, with Cadam following close behind. They walked in silence to the top of the tower, stopping once they stood next to the great flame. Ganjo looked out over Diduna from the tower. Without turning around to face him, Ganjo addressed his son
"We live in an incredibly unique time, son. The emperor's death has turned Antesia into a land filled with chaos, but also one ripe with opportunity. This is not the first time an employer has died without an heir, but it is the first in more than a thousand years that there are no living members of the imperial family. My son, we are living in the most pivotal moment of Antesian history since the great catastrophe."
He turned to look at Cadam
"war is brewing, winter has given reason for peace among the lords but now that spring approaches, every single lord will wish to claim the imperial throne. Do you remeber General Karft? The late emperor's greatest general."
"Uh, yeah I think so" Cadam responded
"He has taken control of the imperial city and most of the southern lands with it, he has spent the winter fighting back these yellow robe peasants and I suspect he shall soon move to subdue larger targets. You have proven yourself with your recent mission against the Yellow Robe camp north of here, I am going to send you on a diplomatic mission to Lord Mufid at Fort Zamok, you spent a summer there as a child."
"yes, I remember," Cadam said accidentally interrupting Ganjo, he was met with a glare before Ganjo returned to speaking.
"I will need to you persuade Mufid to join me against Karft, it will be difficult as he prefers to keep to himself, but I trust you will remind him of the urgency of this situation. One final note, the prisoners you captured will be executed tomorrow morning, publicly. It is necessary to remind the public how we deal with rebels"
Cadam was taken aback by this news and attempted to argue
"But father, are you sure that is best? One of them is a woman, what would people think of you executing a woman"
Ganjo raised an eyebrow in response to Cadam's outburst.
"Has spending time on the frozen roads made you forget your place boy? My word is final, I thought you knew better than to speak back. Remember to hold your tongue unless you want to end up like these prisoners you love so much"
And with that Ganjo left Cadam alone in the tower, to sit with the revelation that by sunrise, Nima's fate would be sealed, and she would be executed. And it was there, for the first time in his life, Cadam decided to disobey his father.

I thought i’d answer some questions and give more context. Plus there’s A LOT i left out. So consider this. Link to OP here: https://www.reddit.com/weddingdrama/s/GBLEGs3M4A
A tale of wedding drama and incest as told by the maid of honour. part 2: family politics.
There is a lot to say… like a lot… look how long this post is.
Get ready for some tea being spilt.
Bonnie and Andrew live on one side of the country while Andrew’s and Bonnie and my parents live on the other side. Basically Andrew and Bonnie live a plane ride away from us. (We arent from the states) Bonnie wanted me and my mom and my dad to fly down to see her so she could do wedding stuff with us. Dress shopping, cake tasting, venue viewing, Flower arranging all that dull stuff. I personally wasnt keen. But Bonnie is my sister and she wanted me to be there so i agreed to go.
Olivia is married. She celebrated her 30th anniversary to her husband James (63) last year. Here’s the kicker. She invited HERSELF on our trip down to see Bonnie and Andrew. Bonnie was very clear she wanted private time with her own family considering. Andrew’s parents had been down the previous month. Yet Olivia invited herself and forbid her husband from coming. Why? Who knows. AND she insisted on staying with us in our air bnb and refused to pay even though we had to get a bigger airbnb.
Yes James supports and enables his wife’s behaviour for god knows what reason. And for some reason has no problem with his wife having emotional incest with their son. And hating the other (more on that later).
I did ask Bonnie if i could look at what Olivia was wearing to the wedding as one commenter predicted. Its a very light champagne. Looks like this: https://m.shein.com/za/Women-s-Color-Block-Lapel-Jacket-And-Solid-Color-Trouser-Suit-p-31251247-cat-2676.html?onelink=1%2F3j5i2u17annm&requestId=478191488284655722&url_from=adpla-za-pla-sz2403066954938771-XL_GPM&cid=21241858505&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO7-ypfQxTCj_Jun-b2d-Cvis&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxeyxBhC7ARIsAC7dS38AyOH1fGyrgPRdKUp4Na6Y3hmFDeFZR9BvCT7cu1mcRhVHqq8ZOdgaAgskEALw_wcB&ref=za&rep=dir&ret=mz but the only problem is now she is dressing identical to what Andrew is gonna wear: https://vardosuits.com/products/chic-champagne-mens-three-piece-suit-sophisticated-business-and-formal-attire(yes Bonnie talked him out of the kilt.) Andrew already put down a deposit on his suit. Andrew is trying to talk his mom out of the suit now. But she’s not budging because she already bought it. The real kicker is James is also wearing a tan suit and my dad and all of Andrew’s groomsmen (all 7 of them). So we have about 10 people set to show up in tan suits to the wedding and no one is willing to change their outfit.
Someone asked about Andrew’s brother: Henry (30) Now for some context. If Andrew and Bonnie were both the golden children to Olivia before the engagement. Henry was the disappointment. “He’s so overweight and full of those horrid tattoos. Just like that girlfriend (28) of his” in Olivia’s exact words. My sister has also been a cow about Henry’s girlfriend’s weight. My sister who weighs 50kg (121 lbs) and who is a fitness fanatic running 60 km (37m) in a day and Andrew too. When Henry and said girlfriend visited. Bonnie insisted that “everyone walks here in (city name). So Henry and his girlfriend have to walk. “ even though both Bonnie and Andrew have cars and do use them. I called my sister out on this nasty behaviour on the phone. My sister said she was only concerned. And even wanted to “stage an intervention about their weight before the wedding” and i said “NO. Dont do that”. Personally i dont gaf about anyone’s weight. Its not my business.
This isnt the only time my sister has been a cow about people’s weight. She said she was very concerned that a few of her bridesmaids “will look fat in the photos”. She said to me “you’re fine in anything”. I weigh 45kg (100 lbs). But she didnt want two of her bridesmaids to have “fat rolls in their dresses”.
Anyway back to Henry. He’s obviously not the biggest fan of his mom and moved in with his girlfriend. Henry doesnt talk much to his parents and has a sour relationship with them. Because Henry and his girlfriend being constantly being compared to golden boy andrew and golden girl bonnie and how they could never match up. “Andrew and bonnie dont have tattoos. Andrew and bonnie arent fat. Andrew and bonnie have high paying jobs Andrew and bonnie dont get mental health problems.” Moans olivia. (Cant blame henry or the girlfriend for having mental problems when olivia is cutting into them so much). Speaking of cutting. I was loathe to point out that Andrew has self harmed in the past. And just didnt tell his mom. This isnt me even touching on Olivia having her own eating disorder and just taking it out on henry’s girlfriend.
Getting back to my sister being a bridezilla, she said that she wanted all her bridesmaids to be in relationships before the wedding because she wanted them to bring dates but “not like total randos they just met”. Again she said to me “you’re fine “. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. She is very serious about getting them boyfriends. Making them sign into dating apps and “start looking now”.
Olivia was always a stay at home mom. Her sons were/ are her whole life. Whether its beating down henry or snuggling andrew. They are her everything. My parents literally had an intervention with her. My dad saying “youngest is 28 this year. Its time to cut the umbilical cord and move on. bonnie is the woman whose gonna come first in andrew’s life now as his wife not you and you just have to deal with it”. Obvious olivia got defensive and said “she should always play a role in her son’s life and there is nothing wrong with a mom having such a close bond with her baby boy”. Olivia is that what you call openly groping your son in front of the entire family? My parents didnt press the issue. Its impossible to through to someone like that.
Olivia and James decide to intervene with the wedding some more. Wanting the ceremony to have religion in the ceremony and for a priest to marry them. Which is beyond odd considering neither andrew or bonnie’s family is remotely religious. And then there was more fighting when bonnie said “no”.
I know a lot of people were like “why is andrew not making any decisions or standing up to his parents?”. My sister calls him a “people pleaser”. I call Andrew a wet mop caught between two strong minded women fighting over him like two dogs over a scrap of meat. A spineless so and so whose too afraid of his mom. Who wants no part in the wedding process making bonnie decide and do EVERYTHING. He’s a lazy prat sticking his head in the sand instead of getting involved in the fight.
But he had no problem being rude to my parents when they refuse to put in an additional a third of a million dollars into his wedding. And they have already given them a quarter of a million. This third bonnie and andrew want on top of what they have been given.
May I just add that they havent contributed a cent towards their own wedding nor said thank you to either sets of parents for sinking so much money into a wedding that frankly has been nothing but a terrible experience from the start and we arent even close to the wedding yet.
The reason they are throwing money into the fire over this wedding is because my sister and andrew are terrible at budgeting. My sister literally burst into tears on the phone when my mom said she cant have 40 000 USD to spend on flowers. Thats the level we are dealing with here. My dad put his foot down and said he refused to be apart of a wedding that per hour will cost more to do than flying an airliner across the country per hour. (My dad is an airline captain). He said that if bonnie and andrew are going to be such insufferable brats that they can pay for their own wedding.
For months. My sister just cried every time the wedding was brought up. And i pulled her aside and said “you wanted andrew to propose to you for YEARS. And now you have that ring you’re acting like youre going to your own execution. This is supposed to be one of the most exciting times of your life. You dont have to get married you know. If mom and dad hear youre crying and they are forking out so much money on this event you dont even seem to want. Then they are going to hit the roof”.
All this and imm not even finished. Theres MORE drama like my sister hating the way her engagement happened (on a wine farm at sunset over a dinner isnt good enough for her). She said it wasnt perfect enough.
How my sister DIDNT EVEN WANT TO SAY YES at the time but felt “obligated to”. Which is why she wants such a long engagement (18 months) because she wants to “buy time so her depression goes away so she doesnt look so down on her wedding day”.
How my sister was in direct competition with another family friend Tamia who was getting married at the same time. It turned into a “whose having the better wedding” competition.
Tamia’s mom trying to set me up with her son. Who ive known since i was 6 but have no interest in romantically. Plus my boyfriend exists.
The cat fight in the flower shop over the flower arrangements because Olivia hated my sister’s choice of wild flowers in her bouquet and wanted my sister to have more traditional roses.
My mom and olivia and my boyfriend’s mom already planning my own wedding.
My boyfriend wanting to propose. In the midst of all this chaos. I had a chat with him and told him to wait a year because the odds are my sister would be angry and accuse me of trying to steal her moment of glory since her wedding is coming up.
My own views on being a wife, a mother and home maker before my 25th birthday to my hyper traditional boyfriend. (I know i said im 24 in the last post but my birthday is only in july) can wait for another post

My issue is that my airwrap curls only hold in the front of my head. This isn’t exclusively an airwrap issue - my heartless overnight hairstyles only hold in the front as well, I just hoped that it’d be different with the dyson.
I have fine, frizzy hair that has a slight wave to it. Does anyone have an idea how I can fix this? I think my curls hold in the front because I have shorter layers in the front, while my hair is long in the back - so maybe it’s too heavy to hold curls? I also use my straightener more frequently to style the front pieces of my hair, so maybe the additional heat damage makes it easier to style?
I don’t necessarily want to cut my hair shorter just for the Dyson so I’m grateful for all tips!

I really like words of affirmation and gift giving. I think the whole “love languages” stuff is kinda bs, because I believe in a well rounded effort through ought all categories of “love languages”. This includes paragraphs, i love you gifts, cuddling, spending time together (dates etc.) and acts of service.
My boyfriend is great, he’s so loving and supportive. However, I really don’t feel like I’m getting what I need. For the entirety of our relationship I’ve asked him to put an effort into writing me an appreciative paragraph once in awhile, maybe a love note. Hes really good at giving compliments like “You’re so pretty” or “I love you so much” but these feel very surface level for me, and I find myself at times feeling bummed because I truly dont know how much this guy cares about me. We’ve been dating for almost a year, I’ve received one extended message about his care for me less than a month after our dating, and nearly every message I get that explains things he truly loves about me and why, or how much he cares about me and our future together im surprised.
I’ve almost given up on asking him to do these words of affirmation things as well as small gifts every once in awhile (even something he can just make). When we’re together, he takes me out to eat and cuddles me, does small chores that I dislike doing when I ask or occasionally without me asking. I also made an effort to say I especially like being treated like a “lady” (door holding, holding my hands in public etc.) and hes made an effort in this area that I’ve noticed recently. However, when it comes to the words thing he says that even though he wants to he finds it incredibly difficult to remind himself to do these things for me, and we frequently end up in messy, teary eyed conversations about how I feel unloved.
Tonight was another one of those conversations, the same stuff that has previously been said before had been repeated. This time, however, i opened up about how I feel as though there is something wrong with me that makes him not want to do this things. The reason behind much of this insecurity obviously has to do with the lack of things I asked for, but also because of his ex girlfriend. For context they dated junior-senior year of hs and she was not the greatest to him. I remember him on multiple occasions explaining how he’s made her small gifts (like a deck of cards with 51 reasons why he loves her) that have made me almost jealous? The way he talks about her, he sounds like he hates her, but he has not given me anything remotely similar to that which I would LOVE. He’s given me a poem before, and gifts for holidays and has paid for things that I want when shopping together, but nothing on that nature.
Tonight while going through a box of 51 “read me when” letters I made him at the beginning of our relationship he began to cry because he felt bad that he had done nothing of that nature for me, though I try not to keep score of who does what for who, it made me a bit bitter. The conversation previously mentioned ensued and I mentioned how I felt like something was wrong with me because he was able to do something similar for his ex, but not for me.
I don’t think it was a great thing for me to say, but it came from an honest effort to communicate my insecurity and jealousy of the way he treated her. His response was that “he didn’t like that” and I began crying profoundly and apologized before going to bed.
Was I wrong? Am I wrong? Am I asking to much of him? My head hurts.

hi im new to reddit but i just wanted to share my experience and because i am still struggling to move on. so please let me know your thoughts and advice. I (F20) met (M23) early last year when i was visiting my hometown in a different country. I met him on a dating app and we clicked really well really fast. we loved talking to eachother, spent alot of time talking to eachother online and met a few times while i was there. We connected on deep levels and loved eachother’s company. When I was coming back to my country we had the convo of whether or not to do LDR. He told me he would definitely try things out with me if I lived closer but since thats not the case he was against LDR and also he has done LDR before in the past and ended up getting cheated on. It felt very unfair to me considering how well he connected and it felt as if I was not enough for him to commit too. However, we continued talking and getting to know eachother. We got closer as days went by, I started to really fall for him. It was always at the back of my head about how we have no label but I still went on and so did he. Few months into talking he invited me to go on a trip with him which he had been meaning to do for a long time. I took sometime to think and agreed to go with him just so i could spend sometime with him. The trip was a very meaningful experience for both of us and we had lots of fun while at it. After the trip, months went by, conversations continued and I was running out of patience about not having a label, so I demanded for one, anything that made it make sense even by a little, and he told me that he thinks we are dating. I dont know what dating meant to him but it helped me sleep at night for awhile. 7-8 months into it I had decided to meet him again after convincing my mum to let me a million times, however just awhile before flying over, I caught him entertaining a dm of a random girl. It shattered me and broke me. To me I always thought of him as the sweetest person ever, I felt betrayed and was rly hurt. I confronted him about it and his reasoning sounded very dumb and stupid. However at that point I was very much in love with him and just wanted him to repent and never do it again. I closed one eye and gave him the benefit of the doubt since I was visiting soon. At times he would really complain about how he doesn’t get to see me often and how he really misses me and gets upset about how the conversations got dry at times. Both of us are students and are very busy with our personal majors, as i could compromise and be understanding i expected him to too. When I went to visit him again in my hometown, things felt slightly different I had a gut feeling that i have to let go of him soon. Nevertheless, he made time for me we enjoyed eachothers company for the time I was there, he gave me a bunch of gifts for my birthday, took care of me and told me me loves me for the first time when I was leaving. I was very disoriented when I left, very confused and all over the place, about 2 weeks after I came back he initiated a breakup because “its very hard not having me around” and he feels like he’s missing out in life. I accepted the break up even tho it broke me, I just feel as tho I was not enough no matter how much i did for him, I had lots of questions in my head like, why would he say he loves me, he even told his really close friends that i am his gf like?? how come he didnt tell me i was his gf lmao. most importantly why did he talk to me for so long, share such a meaningful trip with me just to throw me away? we stopped talking for a short period of time after the break up, then he approached me again talk to me time to time and even tells me at times that he misses me. Im very confused about wtf this guys issue is with me. Like wtf. He doesn’t want me to remove him from my life and I dont have the balls to do that either considering how much he means to me even after everything. Its been months since the break up, he expects us to be civil and at times still talk the same as we used to. It hurts me to think of everything and still have him around but at the same time i do not want to completely lose him either. Im very lost and overwhelmed. Please help me understand what is going on and what this guy wants. If he’s not interested to see a future with me why keep me in his life??? what does all of this mean??

Hi, two days ago i bought a pair of 875 moc toes. I wore them for about a mile walk yesterday, and they caused some nasty blisters on my feet, so now walking in any other shoes hurts too. I'm pretty sure i bought the right size, as i went size down from what i usually wear, and they are definitely not too small. I have some space in front of my toes, and around quarter to half an inch of heel slip. I tried walking in my 875s in my house, but i can't even walk straight in them, they are too painful to wear. It is too late to return them now, so what would be the best solution to my situation? Thanks

Apparently someone reposted my original post in a different sub and she found it. I'll get to that in a second but first I want to explain what happened that night I found her crying.
After she came out of the bathroom we had a talk about what she was trying to do by recreating my life in Sims. She said she just wanted to know what it was like to grow up having a normal life (she was abused and isolated as a child which is why she never formed any intimate relationships prior to me) and she was envious of what I had. I told her that was something she should talk about in therapy so we agreed to look for a new therapist together. She had an appointment with one this past week which sounded promising.
Now a couple of days ago my story was crossposted to a popular sub and got some minor attention. She found it and asked if I was the one who wrote it. I was honest with her and said yes, but I was just at a loss at what to do and wanted some advice. She wasn't angry but she did read some of the comments calling us out for the age gap. She reassured me that she knows I'm not trying to take advantage of her being young, in fact I actually thought she was older when we first met and she thought I was younger. Our personalities just clicked so well it never felt like there was any power imbalance.
So this is where things took a turn. She also read some comments calling her crazy and telling me to run. She asked if I thought she was crazy. I said no, never, I was just worried for her safety. Then she said she wanted to come clean about something in her past. Apparently there was a guy a few years before she met me that she was head over heels in love with. The thing is, he never actually spoke to her aside from a few short conversations they had at social events. Despite their near non-existent interactions she was convinced he loved her too and she started following him around without him noticing. She said the word "stalking" was too strong but that she did take some belongings of his and kept them in her closet. That worried me a little bit. She said it only lasted about a year before she "woke up" and that whole part of her life felt as if she was constantly in a dream state and that it was almost like she wasn't herself.
She asked if I still didn't think she was crazy after hearing her story. And to be honest, I still don't. I love her, I care about her, and I only want the best for her. I know what a kind, gentle person she is and I know she would never hurt me. I said we would get through this together, that I wouldn't abandon her. But therapy should be the first step.
Reading some of the comments calling me out for mentioning my 7 serious relationships, I get why you all are concerned for her wellbeing. I know I need therapy too. Which is why I scheduled an appointment for next week. I genuinely hope things work out for us but if they don't, that's okay. All I want in the end is for her to be happy and healthy. And I think she's on her way there.
Thanks everyone for reading this.
TLDR: Gf said she made me in Sims to simulate a normal life. She found my original post and confessed to having an unhealthy infatuation with another guy in her past. We are now both seeking out therapy.

We have a very reactive rescue, both to dogs and people (mostly just men) and because of this we walk her on a short lead and she is muzzled with a yellow collar that says nervous on it. We have made huge improvements recently but if someone (person or dog) makes eye contact, or makes her jump, inevitably she still goes nuts. We go to great lengths to be vigilant and keep our distance from people, and most of the people we pass respect this because its so very apparent she is a dog who needs space. I should probably mention she is quite a large dog.
We were about halfway round our walk this morning, husband has the lead and it is locked at about 18in/2ft. Dog is between us both and I have her attention focused on me with eye contact. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement, look back and jump because I see a runner about 3 feet away from us - before I can even think, our dog jumps on him. No growl or bark, just pounces. He cried out in shock but realised she was muzzled and he wasn't injured so just got up and carried on his way.
Now, in my head, I am thinking "what kind of idiot runs up behind a dog that close without any sound or warning". We regularly check behind us and I hadn't seen him until he was just...there. The whole thing really stressed me out as she did make contact with her front paws and knock the guy down but I really don't know what else we could have done. He came out of nowhere, no warning, and was just there, super close.
I think I just need someone to tell me that we didn't do anything wrong as I really can't think what else we could have done to prevent this one. Or if we did make a mistake, what was it and how can we stop it happening again. Thanks for reading, I appreciate any advice or comments.

So there's this guy, he is warm, nice and okay. I obviously don't love him, he is let's say like a co-worker, not that he is but just for the idea. We have been interacting with each other for barely 9 days now due to some work and will continue to for 3 months including these 9 days.
So, recently, i got to know this dude has a lot of friends, that's not even new for most people. Even i got friends but mostly girls, not boys. So, there was this girl who was in his contacts. She isnt the only girl but you know, on our break time he was constantly saying "lets go early, i will call my friend, we will eat together." The care, the effort, the eagerness, you know? like what? bruh, calm down ffs.
Again, it's totally normal alright? He even told us that its a friend from uni and we can talk with her too. But damn, i started feeling shitty like why? I was like, "oh, you have female friends? specifically this girl, you have a crush on her? you are too close to her? you both are more than just friends? what's exactly going on with the both of you? why tf are you inviting that girl on our lunch break?" etc. inside my head.
I had too many questions going on in my head and i was admittedly getting jelly for no damn reason. I mean, i dont like or love him? So, i think since im insecure about my looks and my whole existence, i feel like a trash in front of other girls. Maybe becos he mentioned other girl, i began to feel insecure about myself and started to wonder how pretty she is and all.
This is not seldom, and not just with this one guy. It is also with my female friends. To realise they have other friends and not only me, it makes me a lil jelly and mad for unknown reasons. Like, am i jealous becos im insecure and it makes me feel like im worthless and not enough for people?
Why do i want people to be only friends with me or depend only on me if i got nothing to offer? Like, im not confident, im not intelligent, im not hardworking, then why tf am i so bothered? Or becos i am nothing, i am insecure that they have much better and someone who meets these criteria? Prob.
gosh. just what is wrong w me? there was another guy who i was talking to. Some girls wished him happy birthday randomly and i was feeling jealous? Like, i started to wonder just why? is it something going on with them? is he hiding things from me? is he betraying me? is he gona leave me? oh, is it the abandonment issues? we dont talk anymore so it doesnt really matter now.
Just as long as one is interacting w me, i need to be the one of the most or the most important person to them. How can i expect such when i have no personality, no life? its so embarrassing and its such a problem. I mean, i dont get it, things just dont add up. Just what might be going on w me? Can anyone relate? Does anybody know something about my condition? Please do let me know.
Thank you and also thank you for reading if u did:)

Izuku, with his powerful regeneration quirk that lets him practically shrug off any attack without dying successfully gets into UA's hero course
He breezes through his first Heroics class thanks to his unstoppable body and quick wits. Feeling pretty good with himself, he and his classmates were in awe at the massive USJ facility as they looked forward to learning about rescuing.
A villain attack and getting split up as a class later Izuku finds himself worriedly looking over the limp body of Eraserhead when all of a sudden the villain with hands all over him suddenly appeared right in front of his frog quirked classmate with his hand outstretched and splayed open. With not enough time to think about a plan he did what he was good at and took the attack for her.
"It'll be fine" he said to himself as the villain's 5 fingers make contact with his arm right before an indescribable pain consumed him. His arm turning gray and flaking off in layers as the quirk spread throughout his body, until Izuku crumpled in on himself with large dusty cracks forming all over him.
The villain laughed triumphantly after finally getting at least one of the hero brats, turns back to Eraserhead to mock the hero for failing his one job. But something felt wrong, the hero's eyes weren't of despair, but of shock and disbelief. So he turned around to see the brat he just decayed on one knee, slowly standing up as dust constantly came off his body. Cracks forming and receding in an endless cycle of regeneration and decay.
Frustrated and ranting about the hero student "cheating", Shigaraki commanded his Anti Symbol of Peace to snap the kid's skull or whatever else. The mindless behemoth obeyed, dropping the pro-hero like a discarded doll as it dashed over to the barely standing, greyed out teen. A large fist reared back before quickly slamming into Izuku's head, pulverizing his skull and turning his brain into a mush, sending the poor student back down to the ground.
Shigaraki looked satisfied at his drone's actions and turned back to Eraserhead before he heard the Nomu let out an ear piercing screech. What he saw next was his genetically modified weapon start to crumble into dust starting from its arm, the graying cracks crawling up until it reached the head and torso where the death wails were finally cut off. Leaving a giant standing statue of the beast that was slowly collapsing back into a pile of dust.
Kurogiri warped to Shigaraki's side soon after, telling him of their need to retreat. The last thing the villain did was send a death glare at the crumbling hero brat that ruined all his plans before the portal closed.
tl;dr
Fire Punch Izuku but instead of a fire that never extinguishes, it's Shigaraki's decay effect that never goes away

okay this starts at July 2023 and me and my ex boyfriend started dating on the 25th. he got dumped by his girlfriend the same month because ‘they were growing apart’ and i didn’t know this until he told me but he had a big crush on me and was flirting with me, which i didn’t realise, while he was with her (we met in June btw) and the main reason she broke up with him was because of me. which i felt really bad for obviously and tried to keep our relationship a secret until a couple of months. however when i went to his house the first time one of our friends told his other friend that i was at my boyfriends house. now that guy is a massive blabber mouth and he told one of the ex girlfriend’s friends who obviously told her and now everyone knew me and my ex boyfriend were dating. now i felt so horrible and for the first few months i would get dirty looks from every girl in her school, i had her friends messaging me, i had her and her mates pointing and laughing at me as i got off the bus, when we went to the fair her best mate called me a slag. so it wasn’t really a nice time but i still felt bad for her so i didn’t say anything.
now 9 months later to April 2024, me and my boyfriend were almost together for 9 months and in the uk we have 2 weeks off school for easter holiday. and my boyfriend was going to Tenerife for the second week of that holiday. now on easter Sunday i found out that he’s been messaging his ex girlfriend. and i was mad and we talked the next day and i didn’t care that he talked to his ex girlfriend because i wanted them to be friends and i trusted he wouldn’t cheat on me with her and i was only mad that he didn’t tell me. anyways ill admit i wasn’t acting how i should be, in the first week i was so sad and when he went on holiday i barely messaged him. i did explain to him that i didn’t message him because i thought he wanted to be left alone and i wanted him to enjoy his holiday without having me pestering him. barring in mind before he left he promised me that he’d call me every night and he didn’t and when i got upset he had a massive go at me saying i was selfish and that this is his holiday and not everything is about me. and obviously i was really upset because i just wanted to call him because i missed him and i told him i really wanted to call because i was so excited to tell him something. so i didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day because i didn’t want to argue with him whilst he was still on holiday. so me and him barely messaged when he was on holiday because to me he made it clear he didn’t want to message me.
now this is the first day back at school where everything goes wrong. i have double art in the afternoon and i sat in front of my friend and every lesson she takes the most horrible pictures of me and sends them to my ex boyfriend. and he knew i do this because i always tell him but i go on his account and open the snap so he cant see it. and when i did that i saw that his ex girlfriend was on delivered for 12 minutes, so i was curious because why would he have been messaging her so recently and i opened it. and oh my god it was bad. there was a saved message of her saying ‘oh your personality is so attractive wahwahwah’ and messages saying that he was gonna break up with me for her and calling each other babe and sending kisses. and when i confronted him he was the one crying and i was comforting him. i asked him when it started and he said Wednesday when he was on holiday. and Wednesday was the day we had a big argument and he told me he was complaining to her about me so obviously he was telling her about our argument. now i believed that he still loved me and only tried with her because he was having doubts about me and she was confusing his mind. so we talked and he told he all the stuff i did that he didn’t like and i changed. i didn’t ask to call every night and i didn’t get upset that he wouldnt, i was messaging him normally and not being sad when he was out at the weekends, and even though every weekend he told me he’d see me so we could properly talk we never did and i never complained, this was for 3 weeks. i tried so hard.
now this is where aita bit comes in. on Thursday the same week i found out i came into class crying because i gave my ex boyfriend my promise ring back and my friend Liv took me to the toilets and i told her everything and she was so sweet and caring for me. now all of my friends don’t like her because Liv her best friend and boyfriend used to be in our friend group but he had a massive argument and we split up. now litterally no one in my friend group asked me if i was okay and comforted me apart from Liv who wasn’t even supposed to be my friend. not even my supposedly best friend. i tried talking to her and she litterally told me to stop complaining to her. liv was litterally the only person who was there for me through all of it apart from my mum obviously. now in those 3 weeks i was trying so hard to stay with my ex boyfriend and show him i’ve changed and i’m more independent. and i thought it was working because he messaged me saying ‘goodnight i love you loads xxxx’ which he used to do and hasn’t done since i found out everything’ but then he broke up with me last Thursday in school and he promised we’d see each other on Sunday.
now again i came into class crying and i had liv in that class and she took me out into the toilets and i told her and again shes been the only person who’s been comforting me. now the day after he broke up with me he went out to the fair with his ex girlfriend. and obviously i couldn’t see him Sunday or Monday, who would’ve guessed. and he wouldn’t call me so i had to message him on Monday about everything. and i was mainly defending myself because he kept using the same excuse that i was ‘high maintenance’ when i wasn’t i was just a normal girl in her first relationship who always wanted to see her bf. now i understand that i might’ve been too overwhelming for him but he never mentioned it so i didn’t know how i was acting was upsetting him. and i tried to convince him we didn’t have to break up because we could fix any issues but he was very sure he wanted to break up with me and he was being so rude and mean and he hurt my feelings and wouldn’t stop accusing me of being high maintenance. i feel like there must be another reason for his decision because all he kept saying was that i was high maintenance. yesterday when i was at school i was a wreck and him and my ex best friend wouldn’t look me in my eyes. when it was lunch instead of waiting for me to catch up they just kept walking and when i confronted them they just told me to walk faster when they were litterally running distance from me.
and i planned on not messaging my ex boyfriend but someone told me that he got back with his ex girlfriend which now i know isn’t true but i was very hurt. and he started having a go at me saying that he doesn’t want anything to do with me if i’m still friends with liv and that i tell her everything he said to me privately when i literally didn’t liv has just been there comforting me obviously i told her some things but not all the nitty gritty. now liv has previously messaged the ex girlfriend and her best friend and yesterday messaged my ex boyfriend and my ex best friend which i had nothing to do with and litterally told her not too but my ex was saying how I’m getting people to message everyone because I’m too scared which is not true. he said i told 3 people to message him which is also a lie. i didn’t tell liv to message him and i did tell our mutual friend but that was a joke because she called me checking up on my and we were joking around. the only person i wanted to talk to him was my ex best friend because i thought that he wasn’t listening to me and wasn’t taking me seriously so i wanted my ex bsf to message him. he was saying how he didn’t want to be around me anymore and that i should leave there group and how I’ve been horrible to my ex bsf. he said i never hung out with her even though she never asked me and i didn’t even think she wanted to since we both had boyfriends and she always told me she wanted more girls in the group and said to me that its awkward just the two of us having a sleepover. and apparently I’m horrible to her when I’m upset but shes known me for 3 years she should know that i don’t like people speaking to me when I’m upset and me being horrible to her is just me not responding to her properly its not like I’m snapping at her or yelling at her and normally just quiet when I’m upset and i don’t engage in the conversations. I’m also apparently constantly horrible to her when I’m litterally not idk why my ex was saying that when him and out other friend would constantly drag her down for ‘being stupid ‘ and making fun of her for sleeping in class and it would be me defending her and telling of my ex privately cause shes tell me so many times that it actually hurts her feelings.
it hurts so much because my ex chose me over his girlfriend then after 9 months treat me like shit and make me cry all the time and then break up with me without even trying to fix our relationship that could’ve been easily fixed and then act like he doesn’t care about me and be so cold towards me after we sent 9 months together and i loved him with all my heart and i still love him. and idk how my ex bsf could just want to ditch me after everything’s thats happened to me after being my best friend for 3 years. i’m in so much pain, i havent eaten since sunday and everyday just keeps getting worse idk how much longer i can take.

So I don’t even know where to start, I’ve been together with my wife for 8 years. We’ve had a great relationship with a few hickups along the way, she was very young when she met me and had a bad relationship with her family, so we moved together pretty fast, and I felt an immense level of obligation towards her, I wanted to protect her from all harm that she had received from her family. With that I became really controlling and did what I thought was the best for her, I would advice her on what friends to keep or not, I would convince her to not smoke, I would tell her to do a lot of things I thought were good for her, completely forgetting she is her own person. I started working a lot to give us a good life, with that I neglected her, we still went out sometimes, we still did things, but not as we used to. I started controlling our finances so we could save money for a better live, I made plans for us etc. I think I sort of became a second dad instead of a husband. I realise this now and ever since she said she wanted a divorce I’ve completely changed, I’m also going to a therapist to talk about stuff and become a better man. The changes I’ve done have all come instantly and naturally, I don’t even have to think about them, it’s like I woke up and see things clearly now. She is her own person, who am I to ever tell her what to do, as long as she’s happy, I’m happy for her, it doesn’t matter what job, salary etc she has, what matters to me is her happiness, I’ve realised this now, too late. I’ve never mistreated her, I’ve just handled things really wrong, without seeing her as an individual.
So:
A few weeks ago my wife decided she wanted to divorce me after a fight. She said she had reached her limit and she didn’t want to be with me anymore, she said she didn’t love me.
We cried and I begged her to stay and she decided to give me a chance. After a few days she decided to end things again because she didn’t want this. Then we spoke again for a few hours all morning, and we decided to give it another chance, no pressure, no commitment. It was all great, we instantly had amazing sex, we kissed, we hugged, we laughed, I took her out every day, we’ve been doing stuff together every day. We even went on an amazing little trip for a few days. The issue is that I felt something was off, so every day since this chance I had to ask her about her feelings, about how she felt, about if she was sure etc… She hadn’t called me any pet names as she used to, something was off. Then we landed back home, she got a fever, fast forward 3 days and she tells me she can’t do this anymore, she just doesn’t feel anything for me. I question her, I ask her why she’s told me everything was great, why the kisses, why she told me she loved me, why the sex etc.. she said she just wanted to try and see if she could feel something. I felt so led on, I felt so stupid. So we ended it, we decided to both divorce and break up. She goes for a walk and comes back home and tells me that she wants us to have a nice time while we are together. Which to her meant act as nothing just no pressure and no relationship. To me it was fine since I finally got honesty from her. She also said that the trip was amazing and she loved every second of it. She said that she loved being out with me, but she also loved being out with her friends, that it just wasn’t enough.
We had great two days, although I got no affection from her, even her kisses were just “pecks”, it was horrible from an emotional standpoint. After she decided AGAIN to break it up. She told me she couldn’t do this anymore. I get quite upset, I don’t yell or get aggressive, I just spoke a bit rougher, I told her I don’t understand how she can just throw away 8 years after 4 weeks, I don’t understand how she can just give it a small go and then just drop everything, that I found this decision stupid and childish. I asked her what she was expecting to feel. She said she just isn’t feeling what she expects to feel to be with someone, that sure we’ve had some great days but she can also have great days with a friend. I ask her if she loves me, she says yes but not in the way I need to, I ask her if I’m her family, her best friend, if she feels safe and comfortable with me, she says yes. I tell her that’s all you need to feel, you will never feel the level of love that we once felt, it will never happen, not after 8 years. I till her that if she wants to find that type of love then she needs to find a new guy every x year. I tell her that I’ve also felt apathy for her for a few months, but I’ve still stayed because she was my person, I wanted to be with her. She tells me, but that’s it, I don’t want to be with you. I tell her, you’ve given me so many chances during the years, this is the first time I’m actually doing something and I’ve listened to what you’re saying. So can you just do something about it?? She says “okay”.
Basically I just forced her to give me another chance, I felt so gross about it, I had to go for a walk. I come home and tell her, I don’t want this chance unless she wants to give it to me, I don’t want to force her to do anything. She says that it’s okay, she wants this.
I decide that I’m going to give her space, not talk about us, not approach her, nothing. Since I’ve been on her since we spoke about the divorce.
She asks me to go with her to the doctor, I do and as we say bye since she’s off for some stuff, she grabs and caresses my arm and says by, I just ignore it and say bye. I call her after 2 hours and we speak and have so much to talk about for the first time, we speak for 1 hour. I haven’t been able to get anything more than a few words from her earlier these weeks. She gets home she’s happy, is talking to a friend and I’m on my computer. I then sit far away from her on th sofa and we just start talking so much, we have a great time. We watch some tv after, and she lays on me with her head. Then we go to sleep, I sleep on one side to get her space. She grabs my arm again, caresses me and says good night. During the night she proceeds to big spoon me which I just accept but ignore.
The next day (yesterday) we have a great morning, I go to work and she gets ready for an interview. As she is about to leave I say bye from the office chair and she pulls out her hand and says “come” I’m like okay let’s see where this goes, so I grab her hand and she pulls me In hugs me and kisses my forehead, I’m just so confused but I accept it. She calls me after the interview and we speak again for an hour. Then she proceeds to text me to check if I want to go out with her for some ice cream, we go eat some and we have an amazing day where we both engage in conversation.
We go home watch a movie and have a cozy moment in the couch, she lays on me and grabs my thigh, I accept but ignore it. Then I ask her if she wants to lay down instead and she invited me to lay next to her, I just don’t want to hug her because it hurts to feel like I’m hugging someone that doesn’t want me. So I tell her I want to lay in front and she’s like sure. She hugs me grabs my thigh caresses me and is loving. We sleep afterwards.
Today we woke up, had sex, we KISSED, she went to shower. Then she lays on me, and kisses me again on the lips properly and afterwards I asked her, I want us to work, do you? She said she wants to work this out, I say so you want us to be together? She says no, I want to work out if I want to be with you. I’m just at a loss at this point. I don’t know how long I will be able to take this. I love her with all my heart.

Cause the killer to be hindered three times in one trial. Who even fucking thought of such a dumbass challenge. There are only two perks that causes hindered. Chem trap and champion of light.
Most killers can ignore pallets making chem trap useless. And the other half won't even break the damn thing because the perk announces itself front and center. Not to mention the fact you have you do gens before you can even use it. Good fucking luck if your found first and tunneled thereafter.
And then champion of light. Oh boo hoo scary flashlight in my lobby let's bring lightborn making it useless. I've gotten some luck bringing blast mine but then I run into the same issue as chem trap where I need to do gens.
And then I get close. Oh so close. 2 hindered in one trial? Oh no!!! That's too much for wittle baby killer. Better dc in shame. Can't be slow for 3 fucking seconds.
And fuck that one Wraith in particular who didn't want to break my chem trap pallet at the exit gate. Man, I was fucking begging you to give me my third stack, end my suffering. I would've gladly given you the kill. Instead you wanted to try to play around it. It was a safe fucking pallet you idiot.
Anyway. I'm heading to day 5 of trying to do this fucking challenge. If anyone needs me, I'll be running the dumbest fucking build ever.

This will be fairly long hopefully i will be able to put it together in a way where its not all scrambled like my head when i start reading things like in this reddit.
F21, I struggle with trichotillomania, where i pull my hair, which is an anxiety disorder ive has since i would chew on it when i was a toddler, then my sleeve i would stop that cause it was to weird so i started just playing with it a lot, but when i got in trouble i started playing with it and she just called me vain, then i picked up pulling when i was 13. Prolly due to a lot of stress. And I seemed to have gotten my BPD pretty honest
I have blamed myself for a lot of things and hated myself for them, but my mom has always played a significant role in a lot of trauma. She has called the cops on me for trying to kill myself at 16. Which is a wild twist but here's how i realized it.
Bf was 18
It was a summer day and i was feeling very off, i woke up and my bf at the time wasn't there. We had a fight before that truly stemmed from his insecurity. But everyone was chipper with each other. And absolutely ignoring me. When i spoke to them they just talked to the other person in the room. This was a time i was fighting hurting myself again but when i needed someone. And it seemed like everyone around me hated me, they didn't even want to talk to me obviously. But i promised him i wasnt going to. But i did, a lot and it hurt. Cause everything was burning inside. And if you were raised by a narc expressing your feelings verbally or slamming doors/breaking things wasn't acceptable. There was no relief to how i felt ever. Everyone might as well act like that anytime we'd argue. So i took it out on myself. I had tried to contact friends but they never answered a call till it was to late yknow. But she told me to go listen to music outside, while wringing it out. So i did. I went and sat myself in the pavilion. started writing. But then my mom, dad, and bf walked in sat down, as i gritted my teeth. The one time i wanted to be alone. I don't remember at all what they said, except when one of the guys asked me if i cut. My bf got up grabbed my wrist, threw it and stormed out. I just got up but my mom grabbed my arms and so i went under to push them off, bu she went ahead and started pulling my hair instantly making it a fight. Until she had my dad hold me down. The cops came. He laughed said he understood how teens can be in my fucking face and said he couldn't arrest me cause i was injured i needed to go to the hospital. Which now i have to sit and try my hardest to seem okay enough to not go to a psych ward while my mom is trying to send me to a psych ward or foster care, i had no idea at that point.
This story is linked to another story than another so if this is something that you resonate with or just find interesting up it and ill make pt2+. Im sure ill wake up in the middle of the night and remember something fucked but this is all when it got real for me. I had to grow up fast but also stunted emotionally and romantically. Thank you for the read

I don't know where to start. My gf and I have almost weekly discussions to the point where we see no other way other than breaking up. Usually it's about stuff like me understanding her wrong or her getting angry over some minor stuff. It all comes down to if communication was better from both sides we would not be escalating the discussions. We are about 1 year into the relationship.
For example when we fight (and most of the time it is always over text messages) I tend to try calm, but she keeps pushing me to the point I react out of anger as well and that's where it's a continuous back and forth of nothing and both trying to be right. Her solution in those situations was for me to ignore her angry reactions so that I do not get dragged into her problem, but rather stay in my own zone and eventually she'll calm down. It's just a hard thing for me to do when she keeps pushing the buttons over chat to the point I react out of anger. Small things what in my head do not seem that big or serious she can get agitated over. Sometimes she's right, I should've thought about her more rather than myself, sometimes it's over reacting and me basically losing control over my emotion and reacting angrily as well. I don't know how to solve our issues.
For additional context: she is trying to stop smoking (both nicotine and weed) which makes everything even heavier. But even before that we had our fights. The thing is we really love each other when it's all good and really regret being harmful to each other afterwards, but the underlying issue is not getting resolved. I believe my ego and me thinking for her hurts her to the point where she gets angry. I know that I do this but I don't know how to solve it. I really want to make it work and she does too, but getting angry over text and threatening with break ups (not every fight) is really tearing us down mentally. I realize I'm part of the problem with my ego way of thinking. I just need some advice if this relation can be saved or not. We love and trust each other, and the fights always are seemingly about not that serious stuff because either of my lack of understanding or her lack of understanding my point.
My possible options to solve this issue: is to really ignore her when she gets upset or angry, or atleast try to maintain my calm in order to calm her down.
Texting only for necessary stuff, rather than speaking to each other all day.
Only see each other in the weekends, rather than daily in the evenings and in the weekends.

Hello my name is William, tonight I was traveling with my 2 younger cousins 15 & 16. I was driving in my own lane on a two lane street and at a upcoming light a suv decided to turn at the last possible second to were I couldn't brake, I being the defensive driver swerved out the way in order not to hit them, in turn caused me to hit curb an slide on gravel lot into these peoples home, l don't want anyone to feel like there helping me, just want there home to be fixed to what it was. I thank god no one was hurt or injured besides myself. I bit through my lip to the front of my face but it's nothing stitches won't fix. But helping them in anyway I can is my goal, the driver was at fault that cut in front of me per the sheriffs. I just want to be able to fix there house If god willing if possible please donate what you can God bless
gofund.me/11521806