Sayings to put on plaques
Freezing Fucking Cold
2019.11.07 00:12 hjalmar111 Freezing Fucking Cold
It's time to put some warmer clothes on and make a cup of tea, it's going to be freezing cold around here
2015.03.08 05:53 davidd00 r/DankChristianMemes šā
DankChristianMemes is a place for all kinds of Christians and all kinds of non-Christians to enjoy memes and fellowship. Remember to love thy neighbor and be excellent to each other! šā
2015.02.19 18:40 Specialized Tools
We are currently private to protest Reddit's API changes. A place to post tools which were created for a specific purpose. Doesn't necessarily have to be *one* purpose.
2024.05.20 06:08 EzVox03 Druding Up America's Past
These institutional racism eruptions have been occurring sporadically for a while now, it's not really that new or shocking. We've seen it before.
It certainly isn't helping matters that enough numbers of less-than-capable fellow citizens insist on electing unquestionably incompetent representatives, often simply based solely on the abbreviated letters (D) or (R) which precedes their names. Contrary to what the mainstream media coverage would have Americans believe, life goes on for average citizens far removed from the pervasive racial disparities projected by news organizations and mainstream journalists.
Certainly, racism will forever remain an issue; however, it is by no means any longer representative of common white Americans ā in fact, most common white citizens would outright reject blatant racism, not to project their righteous image; but, out of true disdain for the reminder of a fading, yet shameful history. It would be fair to say that racism, at this point, has been relegated to the outcasts of white America.
White Americans consider abject racism every bit as repulsive as black Americans do. Racism is not an issue of such paramount importance in this country as portrayed by the agenda-driven media.
The media has only made matters worse as they have been either thoughtlessly, negligently, or intentionally remiss in their coverage of perceived racial tensions, crimes of allegedly racial motivations, or the police shootings allegedly motivated by race.
Perhaps many of the uninformed general public would do well by learning from history. Iām sure many would be surprised to learn that early white Americans werenāt innately responsible for inheriting slavery. Many fail to realize slavery was, at the time, a subject of monumental importance and debate.
People fail to understand the considerable strife that existed between abolitionists and slaveholders at the time of the 1st Continental Congress. Abolitionists knew that the institution of slavery did not align with the basic principles of our founding declaration and sought to right the injustice brought to our shores by French, British, and Spanish colonialists.
Most Americans fail to realize slavery has existed since the dawn of mankind and each of us have ancestors, who were, at one point or another, slaves to another race, empire, or another. It wasnāt until the moral evolution sparked by this revolutionary nation that mankind began to understand the injustice where those who came before them had failed.
Mankind cannot wholly understand historical context, but one can imagine being born into a world where slavery had always existed bringing such a remarkably enduring and accepted act of cruelty to an end would require a concerted and united effort in order to unravel it.
It was the birth of this country which gave the spark to that idea. The entire world watched on with immense interest to know the results; results which would ultimately effect change throughout the entire world.
Before the United States drafted the constitution, most anyone who lacked a noble bloodline had no hope for living the life they truly desired; let alone having the power to unite into a political force capable of influencing the governing bodies.
The common man was relegated to whichever social class to which they were born, never able to choose his or her destiny. America changed that. This is a country where every baby born has the tools to live his or her dream. This country provided the right to pursue individual happiness and the potential to earn it based on merit rather than birthright.
The world has always been a very unpleasant place, unpleasantries divided among all of our ancestors at one time or another, at the hands of one race or empire or another.
It seems our collective retrospect is always used to disparage or drudge up negative emotions and sentiments among our people. Itās used to divide us. When we are divided, someone is gaining ā that is a guarantee.
Many of the race baiters and professional activists continue to justify their spite on the distant past and the transgressions of American ancestry. Itās time to move past it and acknowledge that it ended solely on account of this nationās founding principles.
Again, the institution of slavery was never limited to the African race and perpetrated by white Americans; though, the general public seems to have only familiarized themselves with that particular aspect. Perhaps the most important aspect of that fact is that it was within these shores where the abhorrent tradition was finally put to a decisive end through bloody sacrifice like the world had never seen.
They say every man on earth has kings and slaves in his ancestry. However, reflecting on distant past with no causal impact on our current lives to simply finger blame is redundant and asinine; it has no place or relevancy in modern society.
Since its apparent people do desire to drudge up the past and the transgressions of our ancestors, why is it those with the platform to reach out and effect positive change in racial attitudes fail to drudge up the past that demonstrates the important lesson that, while early white Americans were guilty of perpetuating the original sin of slavery brought here; it was also the offspring of those early white Americans who sacrificed and shed blood of an entire generation in order to right that wrong
White Americans were a huge part of the civil rights movement of the 50ās and 60ās, though are seldom mentioned.
Why donāt we celebrate John Brown and his Christ-like sacrifice made to the betterment and freedom of the black race?
Frederick Douglass regarded John Brown as the most inspirational, devoted, and faithful man in America in the fight against slavery. Douglass spoke of John Brown and his bravery until the day he died; it seems the memory of John Brown and any whites who made abolition possible died with Frederick Douglass.
During one of his many presentations to American audiences, Douglass had this to say of John Brown:
āHis zeal in the cause of my race was far greater than mine ā it was as the burning sun to my taper light ā mine was bounded by time, his stretched away to the boundless shores of eternity. I could live for the slave, but he could die for him. The crown of martyrdom is high, far beyond the reach of ordinary mortals, and yet happily no special greatness or superior moral excellence is necessary to discern and, in some measure, appreciate a truly great soul.ā
Perhaps those who seek to divide we Americans by means of race might be derailed if we could raise awareness to the positive messages which lie hidden or suppressed in our societyās history; a positive message regarding the remarkable and unprecedented and global moral evolution inspired by this nationās founding.
Itās time those living with āWhite guiltā and members of Black Lives Matter consider paying at least a modicum of respect to the millions of black AND white
The sacrifice of John Brown, which is ultimately believed to have sparked the Civil War, was a long and expected time coming. It was abolition for which countles numbers of our American ancestry - of all races and backgrounds - tirelessly worked, fought and died. It's the seemingly little known facts such as these that might serve to give our people back some semblance of American pride in our citizens and young people.
This is not a fight of black versus white.
This is a fight between the Wicked and Righteous.
submitted by EzVox03 to IntellectualElk [link] [comments]
It certainly isn't helping matters that enough numbers of less-than-capable fellow citizens insist on electing unquestionably incompetent representatives, often simply based solely on the abbreviated letters (D) or (R) which precedes their names. Contrary to what the mainstream media coverage would have Americans believe, life goes on for average citizens far removed from the pervasive racial disparities projected by news organizations and mainstream journalists.
Certainly, racism will forever remain an issue; however, it is by no means any longer representative of common white Americans ā in fact, most common white citizens would outright reject blatant racism, not to project their righteous image; but, out of true disdain for the reminder of a fading, yet shameful history. It would be fair to say that racism, at this point, has been relegated to the outcasts of white America.
White Americans consider abject racism every bit as repulsive as black Americans do. Racism is not an issue of such paramount importance in this country as portrayed by the agenda-driven media.
The media has only made matters worse as they have been either thoughtlessly, negligently, or intentionally remiss in their coverage of perceived racial tensions, crimes of allegedly racial motivations, or the police shootings allegedly motivated by race.
Perhaps many of the uninformed general public would do well by learning from history. Iām sure many would be surprised to learn that early white Americans werenāt innately responsible for inheriting slavery. Many fail to realize slavery was, at the time, a subject of monumental importance and debate.
People fail to understand the considerable strife that existed between abolitionists and slaveholders at the time of the 1st Continental Congress. Abolitionists knew that the institution of slavery did not align with the basic principles of our founding declaration and sought to right the injustice brought to our shores by French, British, and Spanish colonialists.
Most Americans fail to realize slavery has existed since the dawn of mankind and each of us have ancestors, who were, at one point or another, slaves to another race, empire, or another. It wasnāt until the moral evolution sparked by this revolutionary nation that mankind began to understand the injustice where those who came before them had failed.
Mankind cannot wholly understand historical context, but one can imagine being born into a world where slavery had always existed bringing such a remarkably enduring and accepted act of cruelty to an end would require a concerted and united effort in order to unravel it.
It was the birth of this country which gave the spark to that idea. The entire world watched on with immense interest to know the results; results which would ultimately effect change throughout the entire world.
Before the United States drafted the constitution, most anyone who lacked a noble bloodline had no hope for living the life they truly desired; let alone having the power to unite into a political force capable of influencing the governing bodies.
The common man was relegated to whichever social class to which they were born, never able to choose his or her destiny. America changed that. This is a country where every baby born has the tools to live his or her dream. This country provided the right to pursue individual happiness and the potential to earn it based on merit rather than birthright.
The world has always been a very unpleasant place, unpleasantries divided among all of our ancestors at one time or another, at the hands of one race or empire or another.
It seems our collective retrospect is always used to disparage or drudge up negative emotions and sentiments among our people. Itās used to divide us. When we are divided, someone is gaining ā that is a guarantee.
Many of the race baiters and professional activists continue to justify their spite on the distant past and the transgressions of American ancestry. Itās time to move past it and acknowledge that it ended solely on account of this nationās founding principles.
Again, the institution of slavery was never limited to the African race and perpetrated by white Americans; though, the general public seems to have only familiarized themselves with that particular aspect. Perhaps the most important aspect of that fact is that it was within these shores where the abhorrent tradition was finally put to a decisive end through bloody sacrifice like the world had never seen.
They say every man on earth has kings and slaves in his ancestry. However, reflecting on distant past with no causal impact on our current lives to simply finger blame is redundant and asinine; it has no place or relevancy in modern society.
Since its apparent people do desire to drudge up the past and the transgressions of our ancestors, why is it those with the platform to reach out and effect positive change in racial attitudes fail to drudge up the past that demonstrates the important lesson that, while early white Americans were guilty of perpetuating the original sin of slavery brought here; it was also the offspring of those early white Americans who sacrificed and shed blood of an entire generation in order to right that wrong
White Americans were a huge part of the civil rights movement of the 50ās and 60ās, though are seldom mentioned.
Why donāt we celebrate John Brown and his Christ-like sacrifice made to the betterment and freedom of the black race?
Frederick Douglass regarded John Brown as the most inspirational, devoted, and faithful man in America in the fight against slavery. Douglass spoke of John Brown and his bravery until the day he died; it seems the memory of John Brown and any whites who made abolition possible died with Frederick Douglass.
During one of his many presentations to American audiences, Douglass had this to say of John Brown:
āHis zeal in the cause of my race was far greater than mine ā it was as the burning sun to my taper light ā mine was bounded by time, his stretched away to the boundless shores of eternity. I could live for the slave, but he could die for him. The crown of martyrdom is high, far beyond the reach of ordinary mortals, and yet happily no special greatness or superior moral excellence is necessary to discern and, in some measure, appreciate a truly great soul.ā
Perhaps those who seek to divide we Americans by means of race might be derailed if we could raise awareness to the positive messages which lie hidden or suppressed in our societyās history; a positive message regarding the remarkable and unprecedented and global moral evolution inspired by this nationās founding.
Itās time those living with āWhite guiltā and members of Black Lives Matter consider paying at least a modicum of respect to the millions of black AND white
The sacrifice of John Brown, which is ultimately believed to have sparked the Civil War, was a long and expected time coming. It was abolition for which countles numbers of our American ancestry - of all races and backgrounds - tirelessly worked, fought and died. It's the seemingly little known facts such as these that might serve to give our people back some semblance of American pride in our citizens and young people.
This is not a fight of black versus white.
This is a fight between the Wicked and Righteous.
2024.05.20 06:08 Luppercus Prime directive or no prime directive
Regarding the Prime Directive as Iāve seen a lot of discussion on it recently, I have come to the conclusion that is not an objective clearly define law, but that it can be subjectively interpreted by the captain or commanding officer in general. And here how I will proof it with in-universe examples and arguments as every nice fan would do.
First taking something out of the way, some people have argue that Prime Directive applies only to pre-warp civilizations, and although I can see where that comes from no, in for example episode āSymbiosisā we see Picard using it as an argument for not intervening (at first) within two warp capable civilizations when one had the other as drug addicts.
What others have said, IMO going to the other extreme, is that PD applies also to Federation members, as in that āno interference with the natural development and internal affairs of a worldā would apply to members and non-members alike. This is also. Kirk outright says in āThe Cloud Mindersā that the Federation does not allow for caste systems, torture or slavery, something Sisko also says (regarding caste systems) in episode āAccessionā, Sisko also threatens to expose the Trill government for hiding info to its population in āEquilibriumā (if they were not Federation members then not only would he be breaking the PD but also wouldnāt matter as they can do as they see fit having to answer no one). We also see in PROD, SNW and DS9 that Augments are illegal Federation-wide and no Federation member can make them, thus yes Federation members have to abide to the Charter, Constitution and federal laws.
So, how does it applies? What a lot of people often quotes is Picardās words in Redemption were he refuses to intervene in the Klingon Civil War in favor of the pro-Federation faction and against the Romulan agents like the Duras Sisters quoting that such thing would violate the PD.
And although a lot of people have pointed out that Picard was using it only as an excuse to not getting involved, but even if he was serious, what have other captains done in similar situations?
Well we have Sisko, and no Iām not talking ot āIn the Pale Moonlightā that an extreme case were he was doing things clearly illegal. The example that comes to mind is āApocalypse Risingā. After finding out that Chancellor Gowron could be a Changeling they go undercover to expose/kill him and seem to be doing it with Starfleets approval. Doesnātā that breaks the PD? I mean is basically the same situation. Having Gowron been a Changeling is still an internal affair is not that different than having a Romulan agent as Chancellor.
And of course you can count other examples like Sisko taking sides during the Bajoran Coup attempt and many other examples of dealing with the Bajorans. But lets see another case:
Janeway. She basically ābrokeā the PD in every episode, at least if we go by Picardsā definition. In almost every episode sheās intervening and acting in such ways that altered the natural development of other cultures, whether is helping hide telepaths from Space Nazis, saving a Species 8472 from Hirogens, helping the Borg against Species 8472, dethroning the Ferengis stranded on the Quadrant from the planet theyāre posing as gods, helping the Hirogens fight the hologram rebellion, etc. But the most clearer examples are intervening directly in the Q Civil War and work as judge in Quinnās appealing to be kill (The Q and the Grey and Death Wish).
And no, Iām not saying sheās wrong or doing bad, nor I want to jump the bandwagon of Janeway/Voyager haters. Quite the opposite I think Voyager did the right thing and actually made a lot of good while traveling through the DQ.
But we can see that Janeway and Siskoās interpretation of the PD is way more lenient than Picard. I could also use examples from Kirk and Pike but I donāt see it necessary. I think we can see that simply put Picard is just the most strict captain (of those see on screen) and is some sort of āPrime Directive puristā or āradicalā.
submitted by Luppercus to startrek [link] [comments]
First taking something out of the way, some people have argue that Prime Directive applies only to pre-warp civilizations, and although I can see where that comes from no, in for example episode āSymbiosisā we see Picard using it as an argument for not intervening (at first) within two warp capable civilizations when one had the other as drug addicts.
What others have said, IMO going to the other extreme, is that PD applies also to Federation members, as in that āno interference with the natural development and internal affairs of a worldā would apply to members and non-members alike. This is also. Kirk outright says in āThe Cloud Mindersā that the Federation does not allow for caste systems, torture or slavery, something Sisko also says (regarding caste systems) in episode āAccessionā, Sisko also threatens to expose the Trill government for hiding info to its population in āEquilibriumā (if they were not Federation members then not only would he be breaking the PD but also wouldnāt matter as they can do as they see fit having to answer no one). We also see in PROD, SNW and DS9 that Augments are illegal Federation-wide and no Federation member can make them, thus yes Federation members have to abide to the Charter, Constitution and federal laws.
So, how does it applies? What a lot of people often quotes is Picardās words in Redemption were he refuses to intervene in the Klingon Civil War in favor of the pro-Federation faction and against the Romulan agents like the Duras Sisters quoting that such thing would violate the PD.
And although a lot of people have pointed out that Picard was using it only as an excuse to not getting involved, but even if he was serious, what have other captains done in similar situations?
Well we have Sisko, and no Iām not talking ot āIn the Pale Moonlightā that an extreme case were he was doing things clearly illegal. The example that comes to mind is āApocalypse Risingā. After finding out that Chancellor Gowron could be a Changeling they go undercover to expose/kill him and seem to be doing it with Starfleets approval. Doesnātā that breaks the PD? I mean is basically the same situation. Having Gowron been a Changeling is still an internal affair is not that different than having a Romulan agent as Chancellor.
And of course you can count other examples like Sisko taking sides during the Bajoran Coup attempt and many other examples of dealing with the Bajorans. But lets see another case:
Janeway. She basically ābrokeā the PD in every episode, at least if we go by Picardsā definition. In almost every episode sheās intervening and acting in such ways that altered the natural development of other cultures, whether is helping hide telepaths from Space Nazis, saving a Species 8472 from Hirogens, helping the Borg against Species 8472, dethroning the Ferengis stranded on the Quadrant from the planet theyāre posing as gods, helping the Hirogens fight the hologram rebellion, etc. But the most clearer examples are intervening directly in the Q Civil War and work as judge in Quinnās appealing to be kill (The Q and the Grey and Death Wish).
And no, Iām not saying sheās wrong or doing bad, nor I want to jump the bandwagon of Janeway/Voyager haters. Quite the opposite I think Voyager did the right thing and actually made a lot of good while traveling through the DQ.
But we can see that Janeway and Siskoās interpretation of the PD is way more lenient than Picard. I could also use examples from Kirk and Pike but I donāt see it necessary. I think we can see that simply put Picard is just the most strict captain (of those see on screen) and is some sort of āPrime Directive puristā or āradicalā.
2024.05.20 06:08 Hades3210 Casual fine dinning......š¤øš¼āāļøš¤·āāļøšš¾
Sooooo, I work for a Beach Town casual fine dining restaurant...... We will call the Town, "slowmo Beach".....š, let's just say we're on the space Coast and we see a lot of rockets. I work at the number one fine dining establishment via TripAdvisor. My gripe today is after being there for 10 years, my schedule is now determined on my TripAdvisor cards. š¤ I give 110% to all my tables via service, and when it comes to behind the scenes I do 80% of everything. I double fist ice buckets, I make sure that all the silver is put away for it to be rolled, at least make sure that wine glasses are put away,....... I think it might be my time to move on. I will be celebrating my 40th birthday at this restaurant, and I was told that I will not be taking it off because I do not get enough TripAdvisors š
Call me crazy but I feel like my 40th birthday is too good to be ruined by waiting on people. I won't do it š
submitted by Hades3210 to Serverlife [link] [comments]
Call me crazy but I feel like my 40th birthday is too good to be ruined by waiting on people. I won't do it š
2024.05.20 06:07 SorionHex 4 Monitors on the 6950 XT?
Hello everyone! I'm trying to find out if anyone knows if I can run 4 monitors without special hardware or tricks on a 6950XT? I currently have a triple 1440p monitor setup using 2 standard DP cables and one USB-C to DP cable. I'd like to add a TV to the display to put above all three of them for watching movies and shows and whatnot. I have a free HDMI 2.1 slot on the card itself but the manual says: "Only up to three (3) passive adapter cables may be used. Active adapter cables are required for additional displays."
I don't 100% understand what this means or what is what and what counts as what. I don't mind buying some kind of special adapter if I need it to be an "active adapter cable" to work, whatever that means.
submitted by SorionHex to graphicscard [link] [comments]
I don't 100% understand what this means or what is what and what counts as what. I don't mind buying some kind of special adapter if I need it to be an "active adapter cable" to work, whatever that means.
2024.05.20 06:07 sadflannel Truly donāt know if my partner can handle kids
Me (29F) and my partner (32M) have been together for about 8 years. We have two cats and two dogs currently and as Iāve thought more about kids Iāve realized I donāt know if he can handle babies/toddlers/kids being the way that they inherently are.
For example, he brought home a baseball from a game he went to and I said āput that somewhere the dogs canāt get it because theyāll think itās theirsā and of course he didnāt listen and one of them got it down and even though it was just slobbery but not damaged he was so mad at her for like the whole day. And I just kept saying you shouldāve immediately put it up because how tf is she supposed to know itās not a toy when it looks like all of her other balls to her. When they bark while heās working he gets so flustered and says ājust shut upā and takes such an angry tone that they can sense and they then shy away from him.
With our cats, one of whom is a kitten like 8 months old, he gets so incredibly frustrated when he just does curios kitten things like getting into dresser drawers and playing with shoe strings. Yes itās annoying, but itās just how kittens are and so I adjust my behaviors to avoid it happening again.
If heās playing video games, he gets incredibly annoyed if I ask him to do anything. Let the dogs outside because Iām on a work call? No heās too busy. Feed the cats because I have to run to the store? Heāll do it soon and then forgets. I know people change when they have a human they created to take care of, but heās just so unwilling to change even the simplest habits and doesnāt seem to have the control to pause before he reacts angrily to what they do just because thatās what animals do.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Iāve talked to him about not reacting the way he does multiple times but it still happens and Iām not only frustrated with that but with the implications it could have vis a vis him being a parent.
submitted by sadflannel to Fencesitter [link] [comments]
For example, he brought home a baseball from a game he went to and I said āput that somewhere the dogs canāt get it because theyāll think itās theirsā and of course he didnāt listen and one of them got it down and even though it was just slobbery but not damaged he was so mad at her for like the whole day. And I just kept saying you shouldāve immediately put it up because how tf is she supposed to know itās not a toy when it looks like all of her other balls to her. When they bark while heās working he gets so flustered and says ājust shut upā and takes such an angry tone that they can sense and they then shy away from him.
With our cats, one of whom is a kitten like 8 months old, he gets so incredibly frustrated when he just does curios kitten things like getting into dresser drawers and playing with shoe strings. Yes itās annoying, but itās just how kittens are and so I adjust my behaviors to avoid it happening again.
If heās playing video games, he gets incredibly annoyed if I ask him to do anything. Let the dogs outside because Iām on a work call? No heās too busy. Feed the cats because I have to run to the store? Heāll do it soon and then forgets. I know people change when they have a human they created to take care of, but heās just so unwilling to change even the simplest habits and doesnāt seem to have the control to pause before he reacts angrily to what they do just because thatās what animals do.
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Iāve talked to him about not reacting the way he does multiple times but it still happens and Iām not only frustrated with that but with the implications it could have vis a vis him being a parent.
2024.05.20 06:06 Accurate-Show7605 I don't know if my crush hates me or not and I am just confused
Hey! To explain my situation, I'll start by saying I am currently in my junior year of high school and a male. During this interactions, I have had numerous interactions with a girl who I will be naming Kenzie in this thread. Kenzie and I usually avoid each other despite seeing each other multiple times each day, and we both have a similar love of music and are probably some of the top music students in the school. I wanted to maybe try to have a relationship or be friends with her, so I tried to converse with her, but I messed up pretty badly. Since then she has ignored me whenever I tried to converse with her. I don't like people who harass others to be friends or date, so I assumed that she did not like me and I decided to respect that, and things go back to how they were.
Fast forward to now. Kenzie and I still see each other and do not talk to each other. Flash forward a few weeks ago however, and she decided to put me on her close friends list for instagram, and I am very confused because we basically don't speak ever. I assumed it was a mistake or something and that she would remove me, but I am still there. I am just very confused, because I am wondering if she is just socially awkward as I am, or if I am just reading too much into this. I tend to assume people think things of the worse of me which is a bad habit of mine, and now I am wondering if I should say something to her. What should I do?
If more information is needed I will be glad to give it
submitted by Accurate-Show7605 to dating_advice [link] [comments]
Fast forward to now. Kenzie and I still see each other and do not talk to each other. Flash forward a few weeks ago however, and she decided to put me on her close friends list for instagram, and I am very confused because we basically don't speak ever. I assumed it was a mistake or something and that she would remove me, but I am still there. I am just very confused, because I am wondering if she is just socially awkward as I am, or if I am just reading too much into this. I tend to assume people think things of the worse of me which is a bad habit of mine, and now I am wondering if I should say something to her. What should I do?
If more information is needed I will be glad to give it
2024.05.20 06:06 No-Pudding7670 Passed the SIE yesterday first attempt, only 1 week of study (do not recommend)
Wanted to share my experience doing crash course studying for 7 days and passing the SIE first attempt! I never post anything on here, but others posts made a big difference for me, so here goes!
TL;DR:
I passed my SIE yesterday after only 7 days of study. Intense! I used Pass Perfect, spent 50 hours studying total. If you only have a week or two before your test, DO NOT take a bunch of notes on everything! Read the content, take the quizzes and test, take notes on those answers and explanations!
VERY IMPORTANT: Use the two free Achievable SIE dump Sheets and watch both the S7 Guru and S7 Whisperer 60 min crash course SIE YouTube videos the day before or day of test! Iāve included links at the bottom of this post. Be sure to memorize the dump sheet tricks and formulas, and decide whatās most important to reference. The test center gives you two laminated sheets and dry erase markers you can use as soon as the test timer starts. Be ready to write down key formulas, acronyms, timeframes, etc. Mine were the Options 4 square box, SLoBS & BLiSS, yield teeter totter and Key Open vs Closed end market notes. (All on the achievable dump sheets except Open/Closed Markets).
My Story:
In late April I was hired by Vanguard for a position starting May 28. Iād been a contractor doing customer service in an unlicensed VG position for about 10 months (no finance background before that); with the goal of getting hired in a licensed, permanent role within a year. I worked hard and got hired! The position requires SIE, S7 and S63. After my start date they pay me to do nothing but study and take exams for 9 or 13 weeks (depending on whether Iād passed the SIE prior to start date), which is awesome, but thereās a $5000 bonus if the SIE is passed at least a week before start date.
Note: I did have a little familiarity with basic terms and whatās required for account opening, due to my contractor position).
I originally scheduled my exam for May 13. I had about a month from hire date to May 13, and VG paid for the Pass Perfect course. I started some light studying the first week, thinking I had 3 more weeks and was on track. Then I got really sick for 2 weeks! Iām talking bed ridden, definitely no studying. So May 10 I rescheduled my exam to May 18! I had to pay $40 but figured it was well worth it not to fail, lol.
I was finally well enough to start studying on May 11, giving me 7 days. š I had retained very little from my initial studying so I started over. I thought āI can do this!ā I figured Iād had to do similar in college while working full time. Boy it was rough!
7 Days to PASS the SIE:
The first 3 days I had all day to study: Sat, Sun and Mon (had the day off for my original test date).
THE PLAN 41+ hours 5 practice tests, scoring at least 75%
Days 1-3 (full days) - 8+ hrs per day - Complete Pass Perfect Course (16 chapters) start to finish (reading and all quizzes, chapter tests)
Days 4-5 (Tues, Wed) - 5 hrs each day (2 before work and 3 after) - Take 1-2 Pass Perfect Final exams (1 hr 45 min each) each day, taking time to focus/take notes on anything I missed - Goal of 4 total tests, with 75% or higher on 3
Day 6 (Friday, day before the test) - 5 hours (2 hrs before work, 3 hours after) - Take 1 FINRA practice SIE exam before work (free on FINRA website) - after work, Review all Difficult Topics - Listen to S7g.u.r.u & S7 whisperer on YouTube. (They each have a 60 minute crash course review, recommended for day before or day of test). - Print out Achievable Dump Sheets - add my own notes to dump sheets
Day 7 (Day of Test) Test scheduled for 2pm (1:30 registration) - 2 hours Notes and Dump Sheets Review in morning - Leave for Test at 11:30, arrive 12:30 (45 min drive) - One last Review of Dump Sheets for 45 min, take a break before registration
Great Plan Right?! Wellll, I didnāt quite stick to it. š¤£
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: 52 Hours Study - Not at the planned pace! 4 Practice Finals (71% average) A lot of tears, anxiety and stress!š« A rollercoaster of Self-doubt and Self-Confidence
Day 1 (Sat): 7 hrs Completed first 3 chapters, taking tons of notes on a Google doc, color coded and highlighted. Iāll do more tomorrow I thought, my brain is fried
Day 2 (Sun): 10 hours Completed chapters 4&5 again taking tons (too many) notes, taking quizzes and Tests multiple times, worried I wasnāt getting the concepts and terms well enough. Getting really worried about my pace now, but āhey I have tomorrow. Iāll crush it and catch upā. Maybe I wonāt get to tests until Thurs, but Iāll be okay..
Day 3 (Mon): 7 hrs (I was exhausted and burnt out, still not 100% from being sick) Chapter 6 OPTIONSā¦ the death of me, soooo much to learn. Barely got through chapter 6. Full panic has now set in! I have to work full time the next 4 days! If the rest of the course is this hard, Iām screwed. There goes my bonus, how will I tell my husband? (He would not have been mad but I would feel terrible). āChildren and husband, do not bother me! I need to focus!ā š
Day 4 (Tues): 6 hrs ( 6pm-12am) Intense panic and anxiety, how the hell am I going to finish?! Screw notes, get through the chapters! Completed chapters 7-10 Whew, these chapters werenāt as bad, maybe itās getting easier. I think I remember a good amount. Better wrap this up tomorrow!
Day 5 (Wed): 5 hrs Very worried, but Iāll finish today and take lots of tests the next 2 days! Completed chapters 11-13 š« OMG Iām still not done with the course and I have 2 days left! I must sleep.
Day 6 (Thurs): 6 hrs in the evening - Completed remaining chapters 14-16, course done 8pm. Whew, content done. Worried about not taking any tests yet, but at least I feel like I know the content decently! Took my first Pass Perfect Test, score 71% not as bad as I thought but thatās not a lot of margin for error! (Need 70% to Pass actual SIE test). At that point Iām calculating how much each point is worth, looking up suggestions online and praying, lol š
Day 7 (Fri): 7 hrs Took 2 Pass Perfect tests, reviewed missed answers carefully and took notes. Scores: 71% and 73%. Took FINRA SIE test (on their website), 69%. Omg Iām gonna fail tomorrow. š„ŗ
Friday night I thought āHmm Maybe I can reschedule for Monday (the deadline to pass for bonus). Two more days and I will be ready!ā So I go to the Prometrics website and try to reschedule, seeing one slot for Monday at a site 2 hrs awayā¦ awesome.. NOPE, NOT ALLOWED less than 3 days before scheduled exam! (Why did I not think of this Tuesday?) š So I called customer service, begged and told them I had been sick.. Since they said I could not reschedule the day before the test, I asked if they could cancel it and schedule a new appt for Monday? DENIED. So I took a deep breath, cried a little and came to terms with it. This test is happening, tomorrow. š« š¤¬
Friday night 9pm: As recommended by colleagues and online forums, I listen to S7 whisperer 60 min crash course on YouTube; no notes, listening in bed). Ok, learned some things, great overview/review. Maybe I can pull this off afterall. š¤ Things are looking up. š
Saturday, May 13ā¦ Day of Test (2-4pm)
7am woke up, ate a good breakfast, prepared everything I needed to take and do. Now what? Should I take another practice test? Review my notes? Listen to video? I decided no more tests, Iāll listen to the other crash course (S7g.u.r.u 60 min crash course on YouTube). š¤
8amā11:30 Crunch time. Im determined to pass this exam!! Spent 3 hours listening to the 60 min S7g.u.r.u video, pausing when needed, replaying as needed. Took 11 pages of color coded notes on the most important points and formulas I needed to remember, mainly on Regulations (what market does it impact, what type of product, who, timeframes). I knew this was going to be at least 15% of test (I was right) and these were the main questions I missed on my Practice Finals
11:30am Renewed Faith š DAMN I learned a LOT. Iām gonna pass this thing! I was already getting low 70s on Thursday practice tests and I KNOW I learned enough from the video to pass several more questions. S7g.u.r.u literally saved me, pulling it all together in my mind! š¤Æ
12pm Went to UPS store, printed the 2 Achievable dump sheets and my 11 pages of notes from the video! I scanned them at every red light on the way š
12:59 arrived at test center. Spent 20 minutes reviewing dump sheets and drilling in my mind what to put on the 2 pages they give me for notes (specifically below and in links)
1:20 walk in, first one there.. registration complete at 1:35. To my surprise, they seat me and I can start test immediately!
As soon as the timer started my hands were flying on the 2 laminated sheets they gave me. I spent the first 15 min vigorously writing out things I wanted to reference. 90 minutes left for 85 questions. Watched the timer closely to stay on pace. Used the notepad on the test platform for each question to write out calculations, or break down what each part of the question meant, used critical thinking for answer, marking questions for review when I was stuck between 2 answers. Most importantly, I followed my gut. I knew this stuff! Used calculator for EVERY calculation, even easy ones. Finished all questions with 5 minutes remaining. Reviewed marked questions and changed only 3, if I was SURE my original answer was wrong.
I hit submit and held my breath. š«¢ OMG, does that say PASS?!!! Yes, I actually Passed! š³ I cried out of happiness and relief, was on cloud 9. I will never cram like this again! S7 and S63 will be better, lol.
SO hereās how you can have a better experience than me if youāre a week or two away and wondering how you can possibly pull this off. YOU CAN DO IT! šŖ
TIPS FOR CRASH SIE STUDYING (learn from my mistakes)
1 NOTE TAKING: Iāve always learned best by taking a ton of notes, color coded on a google doc. Taking notes reinforces it in my brain and helps me find ways to remember it for myself. However, if you are crash course Studying for the SIE, you do NOT have time to do this, lol. Honestly I barely looked at those notes in the end.
TIP: Read through the content quickly and only take notes when it tells you itās likely a testable question! Take all quizzes and tests, REVIEW the quiz/test answers (in PP the answers also give you a brief explanation of the concept) and take light notes on that! Do NOT replace reading with the videos! The first 4 chapters I tried to save time doing this and wondered why I was failing the chapter tests. The reading content had way more info than the video! Donāt shoot yourself in the foot!
2 DONāT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME on EARLY CONCEPTS! The earlier (and for the most part, less valuable - less test questions) content will be reinforced throughout course. Most of the concepts build over the course, so the basics are reinforced later anyway. I wasted several hours!
3 EXPECT 20-25 hours are needed to complete the course/learn the concepts! Give yourself a day on REGULATIONS and 5 hours on OPTIONS , these comprised a LOT of questions on the test, could make or break you!
4 TAKE at least 4 PRACTICE FINALS with a goal of 75%, but if youāre not improving, use the crash course Videos, learn the content! Donāt take 5 more tests in lieu of learning!
5 SPEND A FEW HOURS on (free) ACHIEVABLE DUMP SHEETS and S7g.u.r.u & S7 Whisperer crash course review videos on YouTube! I would not have passed without these! Reviewing them for 4 hours and using them for key points on my tests sheets saved my ass!
Iāve included links below for the FREE Achievable Dump Sheets and the 60 minute crash course videos. Feel free to message me for more help!
GOOD LUCK! It IS Possible to pass in a week! š
SIE DUMP SHEETS: (scroll to bottom of the page, there are links to download them):
https://achievable.me/exams/finra-sie/overview/#resources
S7g.u.r.u 60 min crash course
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hQRLmVspNE
S7 Whisperer 60 min crash course
https://youtu.be/_-x-RFmFAD0?si=i_ZDrrFIWuMOTK6A
submitted by No-Pudding7670 to Sieexam [link] [comments]
TL;DR:
I passed my SIE yesterday after only 7 days of study. Intense! I used Pass Perfect, spent 50 hours studying total. If you only have a week or two before your test, DO NOT take a bunch of notes on everything! Read the content, take the quizzes and test, take notes on those answers and explanations!
VERY IMPORTANT: Use the two free Achievable SIE dump Sheets and watch both the S7 Guru and S7 Whisperer 60 min crash course SIE YouTube videos the day before or day of test! Iāve included links at the bottom of this post. Be sure to memorize the dump sheet tricks and formulas, and decide whatās most important to reference. The test center gives you two laminated sheets and dry erase markers you can use as soon as the test timer starts. Be ready to write down key formulas, acronyms, timeframes, etc. Mine were the Options 4 square box, SLoBS & BLiSS, yield teeter totter and Key Open vs Closed end market notes. (All on the achievable dump sheets except Open/Closed Markets).
My Story:
In late April I was hired by Vanguard for a position starting May 28. Iād been a contractor doing customer service in an unlicensed VG position for about 10 months (no finance background before that); with the goal of getting hired in a licensed, permanent role within a year. I worked hard and got hired! The position requires SIE, S7 and S63. After my start date they pay me to do nothing but study and take exams for 9 or 13 weeks (depending on whether Iād passed the SIE prior to start date), which is awesome, but thereās a $5000 bonus if the SIE is passed at least a week before start date.
Note: I did have a little familiarity with basic terms and whatās required for account opening, due to my contractor position).
I originally scheduled my exam for May 13. I had about a month from hire date to May 13, and VG paid for the Pass Perfect course. I started some light studying the first week, thinking I had 3 more weeks and was on track. Then I got really sick for 2 weeks! Iām talking bed ridden, definitely no studying. So May 10 I rescheduled my exam to May 18! I had to pay $40 but figured it was well worth it not to fail, lol.
I was finally well enough to start studying on May 11, giving me 7 days. š I had retained very little from my initial studying so I started over. I thought āI can do this!ā I figured Iād had to do similar in college while working full time. Boy it was rough!
7 Days to PASS the SIE:
The first 3 days I had all day to study: Sat, Sun and Mon (had the day off for my original test date).
THE PLAN 41+ hours 5 practice tests, scoring at least 75%
Days 1-3 (full days) - 8+ hrs per day - Complete Pass Perfect Course (16 chapters) start to finish (reading and all quizzes, chapter tests)
Days 4-5 (Tues, Wed) - 5 hrs each day (2 before work and 3 after) - Take 1-2 Pass Perfect Final exams (1 hr 45 min each) each day, taking time to focus/take notes on anything I missed - Goal of 4 total tests, with 75% or higher on 3
Day 6 (Friday, day before the test) - 5 hours (2 hrs before work, 3 hours after) - Take 1 FINRA practice SIE exam before work (free on FINRA website) - after work, Review all Difficult Topics - Listen to S7g.u.r.u & S7 whisperer on YouTube. (They each have a 60 minute crash course review, recommended for day before or day of test). - Print out Achievable Dump Sheets - add my own notes to dump sheets
Day 7 (Day of Test) Test scheduled for 2pm (1:30 registration) - 2 hours Notes and Dump Sheets Review in morning - Leave for Test at 11:30, arrive 12:30 (45 min drive) - One last Review of Dump Sheets for 45 min, take a break before registration
Great Plan Right?! Wellll, I didnāt quite stick to it. š¤£
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: 52 Hours Study - Not at the planned pace! 4 Practice Finals (71% average) A lot of tears, anxiety and stress!š« A rollercoaster of Self-doubt and Self-Confidence
Day 1 (Sat): 7 hrs Completed first 3 chapters, taking tons of notes on a Google doc, color coded and highlighted. Iāll do more tomorrow I thought, my brain is fried
Day 2 (Sun): 10 hours Completed chapters 4&5 again taking tons (too many) notes, taking quizzes and Tests multiple times, worried I wasnāt getting the concepts and terms well enough. Getting really worried about my pace now, but āhey I have tomorrow. Iāll crush it and catch upā. Maybe I wonāt get to tests until Thurs, but Iāll be okay..
Day 3 (Mon): 7 hrs (I was exhausted and burnt out, still not 100% from being sick) Chapter 6 OPTIONSā¦ the death of me, soooo much to learn. Barely got through chapter 6. Full panic has now set in! I have to work full time the next 4 days! If the rest of the course is this hard, Iām screwed. There goes my bonus, how will I tell my husband? (He would not have been mad but I would feel terrible). āChildren and husband, do not bother me! I need to focus!ā š
Day 4 (Tues): 6 hrs ( 6pm-12am) Intense panic and anxiety, how the hell am I going to finish?! Screw notes, get through the chapters! Completed chapters 7-10 Whew, these chapters werenāt as bad, maybe itās getting easier. I think I remember a good amount. Better wrap this up tomorrow!
Day 5 (Wed): 5 hrs Very worried, but Iāll finish today and take lots of tests the next 2 days! Completed chapters 11-13 š« OMG Iām still not done with the course and I have 2 days left! I must sleep.
Day 6 (Thurs): 6 hrs in the evening - Completed remaining chapters 14-16, course done 8pm. Whew, content done. Worried about not taking any tests yet, but at least I feel like I know the content decently! Took my first Pass Perfect Test, score 71% not as bad as I thought but thatās not a lot of margin for error! (Need 70% to Pass actual SIE test). At that point Iām calculating how much each point is worth, looking up suggestions online and praying, lol š
Day 7 (Fri): 7 hrs Took 2 Pass Perfect tests, reviewed missed answers carefully and took notes. Scores: 71% and 73%. Took FINRA SIE test (on their website), 69%. Omg Iām gonna fail tomorrow. š„ŗ
Friday night I thought āHmm Maybe I can reschedule for Monday (the deadline to pass for bonus). Two more days and I will be ready!ā So I go to the Prometrics website and try to reschedule, seeing one slot for Monday at a site 2 hrs awayā¦ awesome.. NOPE, NOT ALLOWED less than 3 days before scheduled exam! (Why did I not think of this Tuesday?) š So I called customer service, begged and told them I had been sick.. Since they said I could not reschedule the day before the test, I asked if they could cancel it and schedule a new appt for Monday? DENIED. So I took a deep breath, cried a little and came to terms with it. This test is happening, tomorrow. š« š¤¬
Friday night 9pm: As recommended by colleagues and online forums, I listen to S7 whisperer 60 min crash course on YouTube; no notes, listening in bed). Ok, learned some things, great overview/review. Maybe I can pull this off afterall. š¤ Things are looking up. š
Saturday, May 13ā¦ Day of Test (2-4pm)
7am woke up, ate a good breakfast, prepared everything I needed to take and do. Now what? Should I take another practice test? Review my notes? Listen to video? I decided no more tests, Iāll listen to the other crash course (S7g.u.r.u 60 min crash course on YouTube). š¤
8amā11:30 Crunch time. Im determined to pass this exam!! Spent 3 hours listening to the 60 min S7g.u.r.u video, pausing when needed, replaying as needed. Took 11 pages of color coded notes on the most important points and formulas I needed to remember, mainly on Regulations (what market does it impact, what type of product, who, timeframes). I knew this was going to be at least 15% of test (I was right) and these were the main questions I missed on my Practice Finals
11:30am Renewed Faith š DAMN I learned a LOT. Iām gonna pass this thing! I was already getting low 70s on Thursday practice tests and I KNOW I learned enough from the video to pass several more questions. S7g.u.r.u literally saved me, pulling it all together in my mind! š¤Æ
12pm Went to UPS store, printed the 2 Achievable dump sheets and my 11 pages of notes from the video! I scanned them at every red light on the way š
12:59 arrived at test center. Spent 20 minutes reviewing dump sheets and drilling in my mind what to put on the 2 pages they give me for notes (specifically below and in links)
1:20 walk in, first one there.. registration complete at 1:35. To my surprise, they seat me and I can start test immediately!
As soon as the timer started my hands were flying on the 2 laminated sheets they gave me. I spent the first 15 min vigorously writing out things I wanted to reference. 90 minutes left for 85 questions. Watched the timer closely to stay on pace. Used the notepad on the test platform for each question to write out calculations, or break down what each part of the question meant, used critical thinking for answer, marking questions for review when I was stuck between 2 answers. Most importantly, I followed my gut. I knew this stuff! Used calculator for EVERY calculation, even easy ones. Finished all questions with 5 minutes remaining. Reviewed marked questions and changed only 3, if I was SURE my original answer was wrong.
I hit submit and held my breath. š«¢ OMG, does that say PASS?!!! Yes, I actually Passed! š³ I cried out of happiness and relief, was on cloud 9. I will never cram like this again! S7 and S63 will be better, lol.
SO hereās how you can have a better experience than me if youāre a week or two away and wondering how you can possibly pull this off. YOU CAN DO IT! šŖ
TIPS FOR CRASH SIE STUDYING (learn from my mistakes)
1 NOTE TAKING: Iāve always learned best by taking a ton of notes, color coded on a google doc. Taking notes reinforces it in my brain and helps me find ways to remember it for myself. However, if you are crash course Studying for the SIE, you do NOT have time to do this, lol. Honestly I barely looked at those notes in the end.
TIP: Read through the content quickly and only take notes when it tells you itās likely a testable question! Take all quizzes and tests, REVIEW the quiz/test answers (in PP the answers also give you a brief explanation of the concept) and take light notes on that! Do NOT replace reading with the videos! The first 4 chapters I tried to save time doing this and wondered why I was failing the chapter tests. The reading content had way more info than the video! Donāt shoot yourself in the foot!
2 DONāT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME on EARLY CONCEPTS! The earlier (and for the most part, less valuable - less test questions) content will be reinforced throughout course. Most of the concepts build over the course, so the basics are reinforced later anyway. I wasted several hours!
3 EXPECT 20-25 hours are needed to complete the course/learn the concepts! Give yourself a day on REGULATIONS and 5 hours on OPTIONS , these comprised a LOT of questions on the test, could make or break you!
4 TAKE at least 4 PRACTICE FINALS with a goal of 75%, but if youāre not improving, use the crash course Videos, learn the content! Donāt take 5 more tests in lieu of learning!
5 SPEND A FEW HOURS on (free) ACHIEVABLE DUMP SHEETS and S7g.u.r.u & S7 Whisperer crash course review videos on YouTube! I would not have passed without these! Reviewing them for 4 hours and using them for key points on my tests sheets saved my ass!
Iāve included links below for the FREE Achievable Dump Sheets and the 60 minute crash course videos. Feel free to message me for more help!
GOOD LUCK! It IS Possible to pass in a week! š
SIE DUMP SHEETS: (scroll to bottom of the page, there are links to download them):
https://achievable.me/exams/finra-sie/overview/#resources
S7g.u.r.u 60 min crash course
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hQRLmVspNE
S7 Whisperer 60 min crash course
https://youtu.be/_-x-RFmFAD0?si=i_ZDrrFIWuMOTK6A
2024.05.20 06:06 unochampion26 Taking Huge Paycut-Mom Guilt
I've been carrying around massive amounts of anxiety and guilt over the last few weeks and could use some perspective. The guilt comes in waves but the anxiety has been pretty constant.
Long story short I recently was working two jobs. One was full time and the other was contract. My contract job is very lucrative and my full time job was low demand so I would often work both jobs without needing to go much beyond 40 hours. I was very fortunate to be able to do that and on my own was making 92k in my full time job and 60k in my side job.
Time passed (3 years) and I just kept adding work and my full time job got extremely stressful. We got bought out by a larger company and the culture changed a lot. I was overwhelmed and grouchy with how much work I had. I knew it wasn't sustainable to work essentially two full time jobs. I decided to give notice to my full time job and just work my side job for the time being. I can put more hours towards it and hope to be able to make close to 80-85k, but it's 1099.
I feel horrible that I gave my family an almost 50-60k pay cut. I have a 4 year old and 16 month old. I will likely have to pause retirement and 529 contributions for the next few years until my childcare costs are lower or I take on another job. My husband is very supportive and says we'll be fine but I still feel so bad. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing though and my mental health was suffering.
Can anyone relate or have any words of wisdom to help with the guilt? It was so important for me to make a lot of money so that we can set up our kids for a good life but I feel l ruined that for them. I know I'll be a better mom emotionally for making this change but I just don't want to put them in hardship either.
Thanks for listening.
submitted by unochampion26 to workingmoms [link] [comments]
Long story short I recently was working two jobs. One was full time and the other was contract. My contract job is very lucrative and my full time job was low demand so I would often work both jobs without needing to go much beyond 40 hours. I was very fortunate to be able to do that and on my own was making 92k in my full time job and 60k in my side job.
Time passed (3 years) and I just kept adding work and my full time job got extremely stressful. We got bought out by a larger company and the culture changed a lot. I was overwhelmed and grouchy with how much work I had. I knew it wasn't sustainable to work essentially two full time jobs. I decided to give notice to my full time job and just work my side job for the time being. I can put more hours towards it and hope to be able to make close to 80-85k, but it's 1099.
I feel horrible that I gave my family an almost 50-60k pay cut. I have a 4 year old and 16 month old. I will likely have to pause retirement and 529 contributions for the next few years until my childcare costs are lower or I take on another job. My husband is very supportive and says we'll be fine but I still feel so bad. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing though and my mental health was suffering.
Can anyone relate or have any words of wisdom to help with the guilt? It was so important for me to make a lot of money so that we can set up our kids for a good life but I feel l ruined that for them. I know I'll be a better mom emotionally for making this change but I just don't want to put them in hardship either.
Thanks for listening.
2024.05.20 06:05 Tattoo_Cat Do I have good enough reason to feel cheated by my boyfriends family?
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and have decided we are ready to have a baby together. This might seem early in the relationship, however, I have been with my fair share of bad boyfriends and I know this one is the one and we will make good parents together. We actually really wanted to have a baby together within the first year however we decided to be responsible as we werenāt living together, didnāt have much money saved and just knew it wasnāt the right time. We are now both 25, we have a house together, have enough savings and feel it is absolutely the right time. We have worked hard to get to this place and are very excited for the next step. Not only are we excited to actually start a family but I have always dreamed about telling my family and how excited they will be. I was also extremely excited to tell my boyfriends family as he is the oldest and our baby would make his parents grandparents for the first time. When I first met my boyfriends Dad, he asked when the grandkids were coming, telling us he couldnāt wait to be a grandpa. He also got out his phone and showed us a video of a gender reveal involving a truck blowing the coloured smoke out of the pipes and told us this is what we would do when we had a gender reveal one day (he is a very proud truck driver from a long line of truck drivers). My boyfriend and I laughed and said that was cool and we will do it one day. Every time we rang my boyfriends Dad as he lives 5 hours away, he would always ask when his grandchildren are coming.
Fast forward a year. My boyfriend and I were still trying to conceive with no luck yet, we knew it wouldnāt happen over night. However, one night we receive a facetime phone call from my boyfriends Dad. He is sitting beside my boyfriends younger brother, weāll call him Tom, who is 22 and says āguess whatā. Tom then holds up a new born onesie and says āweāre having a babyā.
My heart sinks. And this is where all of my ugly, angry, sad emotions begin. I would also just like to disclose before I go on, that I KNOW I should not feel this way, but itās just the way I do feel.
My boyfriends younger brother Tom has been with his girlfriend for 4 months, weāll call her Sarah. She has an 18month old baby with someone else and doesnāt work to take care of this child. Tom lives next door to his Dad and step mom in a rental with 2x of his step brothers, absolute bachelor pad. They all work in the truck yard down the road and smoke bongs in the shed every night. Sarah moved in to the house with her child as soon as she met Tom and sure enough now she is pregnant with his child. Tom is always broke, asking my boyfriend for money all the time. He is constantly caught short for rent, which isnāt even that much considering it is split 3 ways. Tom drives a two door v8 Ute which is his pride and joy, which he will now have to sell to get a family friendly car.
My boyfriend is happy for his brother, yet I feel crushed. I want to feel happy for them.
A few months later, my boyfriend and I took some time off work to visit his dads side of the family (his parents are split). We drove 5 hours to come and stay with them as my boyfriend doesnāt see them very often. Whilst we were up there we met Sarah for the first time and her child from her previous relationship. Sarah, Tom and the child had moved into a slightly bigger ābarā room out the back of the bachelor house and it was absolutely trashed. They are sleeping on a mattress with no sheets, there is clothes, toys, empty food containers, dishes, rubbish covering the floor and surfaces. Tom simply remarked āwhen you have kids, youāll understandā. I get that, having kids is hard and messy but this was beyond that, and, Sarah doesnāt work she is home all day every day. My boyfriend commented that Tom use to be a neat freak which I found hard to believe.
Whilst we were up there it seemed all everyone could talk about is this baby. Sarah was also constantly leaving her other child with various of Tomās family members and just going to bed. My boyfriend and Tomās stepmum quietly said to me that she is constantly left with the child whose nappy is always full. I spent some time with Sarah who mentioned to me that she happened to fall pregnant and asked Tom if he wanted to keep it or if she should abort it. My boyfriend and I had argued over whether we thought it was a planned baby or not, my boyfriend insisting it was planned. Obviously not.
Sarah also began discussing with us that she and Tom were going to do a gender reveal. She then explained that they were going to do the same truck idea that my boyfriends Dad had showed us. I made an excuse to leave the room and I burst into tears. This made me feel like his Dad didnāt actually care if my boyfriend and I had a baby, he just wanted a grandchild no matter where it came from, and Tom did it first. Whilst we were staying with my boyfriends Dad, we also saw so many fights unfold in front of us between Tom and Sarah. Yes couples fight but they were screaming at each other, in front of the 18 month old and getting in each others faces. A very healthy thing for a couple about to be a family of 4. Not long after this trip, Tom and Sarah announced the pregnancy on Facebook and all of my boyfriends family commented on there how excited they were and how Tom is a ācleverā boy as there will be 5 generations since Tom and my boyfriends great grandparents are still alive. I again tried to feel happy for them but this was stifled by my feeling of anger. Since day one of meeting my boyfriend I had always put in a HUGE effort to not only meet my boyfriends family but we travelled immensely to meet all sides of family as he has family all over the place. His mum and her partner live away and we often spent lots of weekends with them which was not easy at all as his mum is addicted to hard drugs and my boyfriend is the only family member that still speaks to her. We also travelled 4 hours multiple times to stay with his grand father and visit cousins. We travelled 3 hours on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with his cousins family and recently we travelled another 6 hour round trip to spend the day with his Nanna who is sick. Family is very important to me and also my boyfriend so I always made a huge effort to visit them with him. This is what has bothered me almost the most, my boyfriend and I have made such an effort with his family, yet, all they can talk about is Tom and Sarah having a baby. Tom and Sarah have not made nearly as much effort as us to meet any family, Sarah has met Tomās dad and brother (my boyfriend) and thatās it. Everytime my boyfriend speaks to one of his relatives itās always āisnāt it so exciting, not long nowā.
A few months after this, my boyfriend and I had a triumph - we were pregnant! Followed by heart ache, an early miscarriage.
I spoke to my family who were extremely supportive and my boyfriend told his who were supportive at the time but just told us to ākeep tryingā. No one has spoken about it since, which is okay, but, I am not okay. Whilst I was feeling so hurt and upset before, it is now millions times worse. I have had good days, and bad days. One of my worst days was recently when Sarah invited us to her baby shower. My boyfriend came home from work and said āweāll have to book some time off work since itās on the Saturday and we have to travelā. We then got into an argument as I was so hurt that he just assumed I was okay to go to it. After a few days of thought I realised how important it was to my boyfriend and I had to push my feelings aside. Iām still so frustrated though because aside from all of my pain, I KNOW they would not travel 5 hours and take time off work to go to our baby shower if we had one.
So the baby shower is in 2 weeks and Iām still having the same ugly, angry, sad, disgusting thoughts swirling around my head.
Why do they get to have a baby within 4 monts of knowing each other, completely unprepared, no money, no vehicle, no house, no nothing? They didnāt plan this, she just let herself get pregnant or they were so careless not to use protection. My boyfriend and I couldāve gotten pregnant within the first months of dating but weāre not that stupid and irresponsible. My boyfriends stepbrother has moved out of the house and is living in a shed so that Sarah and Tom have more room to have a baby which I think is so completely unfair. And now the other stepbrother that lives there will have an 18month old and a new born in his house which he never signed up for. Tom and Sarah have just gotten pregnant and not thought about anyone else or how this effects anyone else. My boyfriend and I have worked long, hard hours to save for our dream and yet weāre here watching it unfold for someone else whilst we deal with the heart ache of getting so close and losing it. I work in disability which is extremely mentally draining and my boyfriend is a diesel mechanic which is physical and hard. Sarah doesnāt work, yes she takes care of her child yet theyāre living in filth and she manages to palm him off most of the time anyway. Tom is a casual at his work and spends most of his pay check on weed and smokes every night. Yet, the entire family thinks they are so incredible and wow! Theyāre having a baby! I feel so cheated, I feel like it should be us, and I know thatās so incredibly selfish but we couldnāt have planned this more if we tried yet they simply didnāt use protection and get to live out our dream.
Iām wondering how on earth I am going to manage to get through this damn baby shower and I would love to know peoples thoughts on this, but please, be kind š
submitted by Tattoo_Cat to inlaws [link] [comments]
Fast forward a year. My boyfriend and I were still trying to conceive with no luck yet, we knew it wouldnāt happen over night. However, one night we receive a facetime phone call from my boyfriends Dad. He is sitting beside my boyfriends younger brother, weāll call him Tom, who is 22 and says āguess whatā. Tom then holds up a new born onesie and says āweāre having a babyā.
My heart sinks. And this is where all of my ugly, angry, sad emotions begin. I would also just like to disclose before I go on, that I KNOW I should not feel this way, but itās just the way I do feel.
My boyfriends younger brother Tom has been with his girlfriend for 4 months, weāll call her Sarah. She has an 18month old baby with someone else and doesnāt work to take care of this child. Tom lives next door to his Dad and step mom in a rental with 2x of his step brothers, absolute bachelor pad. They all work in the truck yard down the road and smoke bongs in the shed every night. Sarah moved in to the house with her child as soon as she met Tom and sure enough now she is pregnant with his child. Tom is always broke, asking my boyfriend for money all the time. He is constantly caught short for rent, which isnāt even that much considering it is split 3 ways. Tom drives a two door v8 Ute which is his pride and joy, which he will now have to sell to get a family friendly car.
My boyfriend is happy for his brother, yet I feel crushed. I want to feel happy for them.
A few months later, my boyfriend and I took some time off work to visit his dads side of the family (his parents are split). We drove 5 hours to come and stay with them as my boyfriend doesnāt see them very often. Whilst we were up there we met Sarah for the first time and her child from her previous relationship. Sarah, Tom and the child had moved into a slightly bigger ābarā room out the back of the bachelor house and it was absolutely trashed. They are sleeping on a mattress with no sheets, there is clothes, toys, empty food containers, dishes, rubbish covering the floor and surfaces. Tom simply remarked āwhen you have kids, youāll understandā. I get that, having kids is hard and messy but this was beyond that, and, Sarah doesnāt work she is home all day every day. My boyfriend commented that Tom use to be a neat freak which I found hard to believe.
Whilst we were up there it seemed all everyone could talk about is this baby. Sarah was also constantly leaving her other child with various of Tomās family members and just going to bed. My boyfriend and Tomās stepmum quietly said to me that she is constantly left with the child whose nappy is always full. I spent some time with Sarah who mentioned to me that she happened to fall pregnant and asked Tom if he wanted to keep it or if she should abort it. My boyfriend and I had argued over whether we thought it was a planned baby or not, my boyfriend insisting it was planned. Obviously not.
Sarah also began discussing with us that she and Tom were going to do a gender reveal. She then explained that they were going to do the same truck idea that my boyfriends Dad had showed us. I made an excuse to leave the room and I burst into tears. This made me feel like his Dad didnāt actually care if my boyfriend and I had a baby, he just wanted a grandchild no matter where it came from, and Tom did it first. Whilst we were staying with my boyfriends Dad, we also saw so many fights unfold in front of us between Tom and Sarah. Yes couples fight but they were screaming at each other, in front of the 18 month old and getting in each others faces. A very healthy thing for a couple about to be a family of 4. Not long after this trip, Tom and Sarah announced the pregnancy on Facebook and all of my boyfriends family commented on there how excited they were and how Tom is a ācleverā boy as there will be 5 generations since Tom and my boyfriends great grandparents are still alive. I again tried to feel happy for them but this was stifled by my feeling of anger. Since day one of meeting my boyfriend I had always put in a HUGE effort to not only meet my boyfriends family but we travelled immensely to meet all sides of family as he has family all over the place. His mum and her partner live away and we often spent lots of weekends with them which was not easy at all as his mum is addicted to hard drugs and my boyfriend is the only family member that still speaks to her. We also travelled 4 hours multiple times to stay with his grand father and visit cousins. We travelled 3 hours on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with his cousins family and recently we travelled another 6 hour round trip to spend the day with his Nanna who is sick. Family is very important to me and also my boyfriend so I always made a huge effort to visit them with him. This is what has bothered me almost the most, my boyfriend and I have made such an effort with his family, yet, all they can talk about is Tom and Sarah having a baby. Tom and Sarah have not made nearly as much effort as us to meet any family, Sarah has met Tomās dad and brother (my boyfriend) and thatās it. Everytime my boyfriend speaks to one of his relatives itās always āisnāt it so exciting, not long nowā.
A few months after this, my boyfriend and I had a triumph - we were pregnant! Followed by heart ache, an early miscarriage.
I spoke to my family who were extremely supportive and my boyfriend told his who were supportive at the time but just told us to ākeep tryingā. No one has spoken about it since, which is okay, but, I am not okay. Whilst I was feeling so hurt and upset before, it is now millions times worse. I have had good days, and bad days. One of my worst days was recently when Sarah invited us to her baby shower. My boyfriend came home from work and said āweāll have to book some time off work since itās on the Saturday and we have to travelā. We then got into an argument as I was so hurt that he just assumed I was okay to go to it. After a few days of thought I realised how important it was to my boyfriend and I had to push my feelings aside. Iām still so frustrated though because aside from all of my pain, I KNOW they would not travel 5 hours and take time off work to go to our baby shower if we had one.
So the baby shower is in 2 weeks and Iām still having the same ugly, angry, sad, disgusting thoughts swirling around my head.
Why do they get to have a baby within 4 monts of knowing each other, completely unprepared, no money, no vehicle, no house, no nothing? They didnāt plan this, she just let herself get pregnant or they were so careless not to use protection. My boyfriend and I couldāve gotten pregnant within the first months of dating but weāre not that stupid and irresponsible. My boyfriends stepbrother has moved out of the house and is living in a shed so that Sarah and Tom have more room to have a baby which I think is so completely unfair. And now the other stepbrother that lives there will have an 18month old and a new born in his house which he never signed up for. Tom and Sarah have just gotten pregnant and not thought about anyone else or how this effects anyone else. My boyfriend and I have worked long, hard hours to save for our dream and yet weāre here watching it unfold for someone else whilst we deal with the heart ache of getting so close and losing it. I work in disability which is extremely mentally draining and my boyfriend is a diesel mechanic which is physical and hard. Sarah doesnāt work, yes she takes care of her child yet theyāre living in filth and she manages to palm him off most of the time anyway. Tom is a casual at his work and spends most of his pay check on weed and smokes every night. Yet, the entire family thinks they are so incredible and wow! Theyāre having a baby! I feel so cheated, I feel like it should be us, and I know thatās so incredibly selfish but we couldnāt have planned this more if we tried yet they simply didnāt use protection and get to live out our dream.
Iām wondering how on earth I am going to manage to get through this damn baby shower and I would love to know peoples thoughts on this, but please, be kind š
2024.05.20 06:03 PrueGretel RHONJ S14 E3
Shore-ing Up Sides
What kind of a name is this episode? Stupid title. It does give us a clue that this episode will show the demise of friendships and that the cast takes sides. They split up! The casts of NJ are all doing interviews online and on TV. Don't look online or any entertainment news on TV if you don't want to know who switches sides and all of that. I know who switches sides, but I will dance around the subject in the recap. But I will talk about it in the comment section. I doubt anyone cares if it's spoiled, but you never know. We got a long season ahead. Please! I hope the arguing isn't as bad as last year!
The cast is still down at the Shore. It looks beautiful and also fun! Of course, they are still divided. Jen and Bill A is with Dolores and Paul. Teresa and Louie went home because Gabriella is leaving for college. Rachel and John are with Adult Jen Fessler and her husband Jeff along with Danielle and Nate. Melissa and Joe are with Marge and her Joe--he really loves her, he's rubbing her feet, very clingy. I would hate it! But that's just me. Most women love to be pampered. Not me.
John asks Adult Jen F about the party the night before. He secretly wants to know why she is hanging around with the enemy, Teresa. Jen states that she never had a problem with Teresa, Rachel looks at her with daggers, she is mad as hell. She states in her talking head that Adult Jen couldn't stand Teresa and that now that Adult Jen has jumped ship, Rachel is done with her. She is very hurt and called Adult Jen F stupid.
Dolores asks Jen A what is going on between Melissa and her. Jen says she is not feeling her and is not a chump. Melissa tells Marge that Jen A spread rumors, so she is not happy with her. The bad feelings is mutual between these two women...
Melissa is throwing a Birthday Party for Joe. It's going to be an Italian theme party. She and Marge discuss what to do about Jen A because she might feel like the lone enemy there without Teresa. Melissa thinks she and Bull should attend. So, with that, Joe Gorga calls Bill and extends an invitation to him and his wife. Bill tells him thank you, but his wife Jen is still not in a good place with Melissa. Jen is not having it. She is still hurt from last year and thinks Joe's invite was not sincere. She is glad that Bill finally stood up for her. She says they are a team from now on. He will stand up for her or he will feel her wrath! Bill just smiles at her no matter what she says. Why is he always smiling?!
Teresa and all her girls are packing up for Gabriella. Gia is crying, all the girls are crying. Gia tells Gabriella that she is so proud of her for getting into the University of Michigan. It's a very had college to get into. Teresa is also crying. Teresa ex, Joe Guidice calls. Teresa can't look at him or she will cry. He tells them all this is a good thing. Louie comes in and tries to cheer them up too. Joe can't afford college, so Teresa and Louie are paying. I doubt Louie is paying, but Producers put Teresa on the spot and asked her if Louie is also paying. Of course she is going to say yes. Pretty sure only Teresa is paying. I saw a preview that Louie went through all of Teresa's money. So, there's that.
Teresa and Louie go outside. She tells him she is in her love bubble with him and no matter what happened at the party or with their enemies she has his love. What does enemies have to do with their love bubble? They are holding hands, clinging to each other while they bring up John Fuda, they rip him apart. Louie called him ugly and a loser. Louie you're no prize in the looks either so no room to talk. Teresa tells him he handled it with grace with John and she is sorry he has to deal with this. He says the same to her, she doesn't deserve any of this. I feel so bad what these two have to put up with. Not! Louie handled it with grace! What the... such an odd thing to say. Louie wrote on Instagram that Teresa has so much grace. I would not describe these two with the word grace.
Joe Gorga's party starts. It looks like fun. The men were doing shots on a blow-up doll's ass that John brought. Ass shots are not my style of fun, but to each their own.
Rachel is complaining about Adult Jen F's betrayal and Marge is talking about Jen A. Marge thinks Jen A should have shown up. Why? I wouldn't if I was her. Rachel agrees with me and says she wouldn't have shown up either.
Back home Teresa throws a going away dinner party for Gabriella at a restaurant. Louie's boys are there along with her daughters. It's a nice family scene. They all reminisce and have a nice time together. Cheers Gabriella! I hope she succeeds in whatever career that she decides to do. I am sure she will.
Back at the party John and Paul joke around with the other men and make up. Oh, and Frank is there. I thought he was off the show for good. He tells Joe that he misses him and that he is Starchy to his Hutch. What?!! Oh, and Frankie Jr. Isn't in Dolores' background family tagline. It's Paul and her daughter. Maybe Frank Jr. had enough of the show.
Marge, Rachel and Adult Jen F sit down. Marge is going to get her. She asks her about Teresa and Louie. Marge is going on and on about it, she is annoyed. Jackie sits down and takes Adult F's side. Marge and Rachel are not having it. Marge tells Adult Jen that she doesn't understand what she is doing, she hated them. Adult Jen is not budging, she now loves Teresa and will be friends with whoever she wants. Rache; starts crying about all of this. Adult Jen feels bad for Rachel, but she loves Teresa now! Rachel feels very betrayed, and Marge is not having what Adult Jen A is putting down. This is messy. Jen F told Marge she is not Marge's soldier, and she will do what she wants and be friends with who she wants. There is a lot of arguing going on and I am sure it will continue. Jackie is comforting Adult Jen and Marge and Rachel are talking about Jen F to Danielle, Rachel is still crying. The betrayal is real. Danielle agrees with Rachel and Marge--she says Adult Jen F isn't loyal and should never do that to her best friends.
Adult Jen F is trying with all her might to tell everyone that she is the best friend anyone could ever have! I don't know about that. What do you all think? Is Jen F a traitor or is Marge and Rachel being unreasonable? If someone does me harm and spread rumors about me. I wouldn't be too fond if my friend befriended that person who she knew for a minute and said she disliked. It's hurtful to do that to a longtime friend who you trusted. That's my take on this.
Oh yeah, and Joe Gorga gets a nice big Italian cannoli cake! Besides the arguing, there were a lot of people there having a lot of fun. Everyone wished him a Happy Birthday and it ended on a happy scene with the delicious cake! Who doesn't love cake?
To Be Continued...
submitted by PrueGretel to Tamaras_Tattlers [link] [comments]
What kind of a name is this episode? Stupid title. It does give us a clue that this episode will show the demise of friendships and that the cast takes sides. They split up! The casts of NJ are all doing interviews online and on TV. Don't look online or any entertainment news on TV if you don't want to know who switches sides and all of that. I know who switches sides, but I will dance around the subject in the recap. But I will talk about it in the comment section. I doubt anyone cares if it's spoiled, but you never know. We got a long season ahead. Please! I hope the arguing isn't as bad as last year!
The cast is still down at the Shore. It looks beautiful and also fun! Of course, they are still divided. Jen and Bill A is with Dolores and Paul. Teresa and Louie went home because Gabriella is leaving for college. Rachel and John are with Adult Jen Fessler and her husband Jeff along with Danielle and Nate. Melissa and Joe are with Marge and her Joe--he really loves her, he's rubbing her feet, very clingy. I would hate it! But that's just me. Most women love to be pampered. Not me.
John asks Adult Jen F about the party the night before. He secretly wants to know why she is hanging around with the enemy, Teresa. Jen states that she never had a problem with Teresa, Rachel looks at her with daggers, she is mad as hell. She states in her talking head that Adult Jen couldn't stand Teresa and that now that Adult Jen has jumped ship, Rachel is done with her. She is very hurt and called Adult Jen F stupid.
Dolores asks Jen A what is going on between Melissa and her. Jen says she is not feeling her and is not a chump. Melissa tells Marge that Jen A spread rumors, so she is not happy with her. The bad feelings is mutual between these two women...
Melissa is throwing a Birthday Party for Joe. It's going to be an Italian theme party. She and Marge discuss what to do about Jen A because she might feel like the lone enemy there without Teresa. Melissa thinks she and Bull should attend. So, with that, Joe Gorga calls Bill and extends an invitation to him and his wife. Bill tells him thank you, but his wife Jen is still not in a good place with Melissa. Jen is not having it. She is still hurt from last year and thinks Joe's invite was not sincere. She is glad that Bill finally stood up for her. She says they are a team from now on. He will stand up for her or he will feel her wrath! Bill just smiles at her no matter what she says. Why is he always smiling?!
Teresa and all her girls are packing up for Gabriella. Gia is crying, all the girls are crying. Gia tells Gabriella that she is so proud of her for getting into the University of Michigan. It's a very had college to get into. Teresa is also crying. Teresa ex, Joe Guidice calls. Teresa can't look at him or she will cry. He tells them all this is a good thing. Louie comes in and tries to cheer them up too. Joe can't afford college, so Teresa and Louie are paying. I doubt Louie is paying, but Producers put Teresa on the spot and asked her if Louie is also paying. Of course she is going to say yes. Pretty sure only Teresa is paying. I saw a preview that Louie went through all of Teresa's money. So, there's that.
Teresa and Louie go outside. She tells him she is in her love bubble with him and no matter what happened at the party or with their enemies she has his love. What does enemies have to do with their love bubble? They are holding hands, clinging to each other while they bring up John Fuda, they rip him apart. Louie called him ugly and a loser. Louie you're no prize in the looks either so no room to talk. Teresa tells him he handled it with grace with John and she is sorry he has to deal with this. He says the same to her, she doesn't deserve any of this. I feel so bad what these two have to put up with. Not! Louie handled it with grace! What the... such an odd thing to say. Louie wrote on Instagram that Teresa has so much grace. I would not describe these two with the word grace.
Joe Gorga's party starts. It looks like fun. The men were doing shots on a blow-up doll's ass that John brought. Ass shots are not my style of fun, but to each their own.
Rachel is complaining about Adult Jen F's betrayal and Marge is talking about Jen A. Marge thinks Jen A should have shown up. Why? I wouldn't if I was her. Rachel agrees with me and says she wouldn't have shown up either.
Back home Teresa throws a going away dinner party for Gabriella at a restaurant. Louie's boys are there along with her daughters. It's a nice family scene. They all reminisce and have a nice time together. Cheers Gabriella! I hope she succeeds in whatever career that she decides to do. I am sure she will.
Back at the party John and Paul joke around with the other men and make up. Oh, and Frank is there. I thought he was off the show for good. He tells Joe that he misses him and that he is Starchy to his Hutch. What?!! Oh, and Frankie Jr. Isn't in Dolores' background family tagline. It's Paul and her daughter. Maybe Frank Jr. had enough of the show.
Marge, Rachel and Adult Jen F sit down. Marge is going to get her. She asks her about Teresa and Louie. Marge is going on and on about it, she is annoyed. Jackie sits down and takes Adult F's side. Marge and Rachel are not having it. Marge tells Adult Jen that she doesn't understand what she is doing, she hated them. Adult Jen is not budging, she now loves Teresa and will be friends with whoever she wants. Rache; starts crying about all of this. Adult Jen feels bad for Rachel, but she loves Teresa now! Rachel feels very betrayed, and Marge is not having what Adult Jen A is putting down. This is messy. Jen F told Marge she is not Marge's soldier, and she will do what she wants and be friends with who she wants. There is a lot of arguing going on and I am sure it will continue. Jackie is comforting Adult Jen and Marge and Rachel are talking about Jen F to Danielle, Rachel is still crying. The betrayal is real. Danielle agrees with Rachel and Marge--she says Adult Jen F isn't loyal and should never do that to her best friends.
Adult Jen F is trying with all her might to tell everyone that she is the best friend anyone could ever have! I don't know about that. What do you all think? Is Jen F a traitor or is Marge and Rachel being unreasonable? If someone does me harm and spread rumors about me. I wouldn't be too fond if my friend befriended that person who she knew for a minute and said she disliked. It's hurtful to do that to a longtime friend who you trusted. That's my take on this.
Oh yeah, and Joe Gorga gets a nice big Italian cannoli cake! Besides the arguing, there were a lot of people there having a lot of fun. Everyone wished him a Happy Birthday and it ended on a happy scene with the delicious cake! Who doesn't love cake?
To Be Continued...
2024.05.20 06:03 Chester730 My Husband <3
Just wanted to say he's been so great. We went to Lowes and Home Depot this weekend where I bought a few new plants. Then I needed pots for said plants.
I commented to him that I was running out of room for plants.
He says, "Do they make you happy? I can have the TV mounted on the wall and that will free up the whole top of the TV stand you can put plants on."
He's a pain in the ass sometimes, but sometimes he really surprises me.
submitted by Chester730 to houseplants [link] [comments]
I commented to him that I was running out of room for plants.
He says, "Do they make you happy? I can have the TV mounted on the wall and that will free up the whole top of the TV stand you can put plants on."
He's a pain in the ass sometimes, but sometimes he really surprises me.
2024.05.20 06:01 ayasinha Does anyone know a public localfriendcodeseed_b?
Hi so i just got banned, still have no ideia of how i got banned, never played online and only used pkmn bank which i never put hacked mons on it.
Searching i found that changing that localfriendcodeseed_b works, but i dont have another console and looks like every place on the internet has a file from 2018 or 2017.
before anyone says "oh but that doesnt matter since server just got shutdown", i wanna recover some mons from bank and send some to pkmn home
submitted by ayasinha to 3dspiracy [link] [comments]
Searching i found that changing that localfriendcodeseed_b works, but i dont have another console and looks like every place on the internet has a file from 2018 or 2017.
before anyone says "oh but that doesnt matter since server just got shutdown", i wanna recover some mons from bank and send some to pkmn home
2024.05.20 06:01 Exciting_Potato_6717 Model Anok Yai describes racism she experienced while working for Zara in 2019
 | submitted by Exciting_Potato_6717 to Fauxmoi [link] [comments] |
2024.05.20 06:01 cheeper123 35M Trying to find my fun and weird daily texting buddy !
Hello ! And thanks for opening my post lol. I honestly just want to write whatever is on my mind as I'm always just saying what I'm feeling so why not write it as well eh ?
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
submitted by cheeper123 to Needafriend [link] [comments]
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
2024.05.20 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
I am NOT OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/Actual-Beach-4400 + u/Affectionate_Egg895
Originally posted to Marriage
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse of a child, trauma, miscarriage
Original Post (AutoMod): March 30, 2024
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Commenter: Youāre a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. Youāre staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know youāre a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
MollyRolls:You transgressed on such a massive and personal level and you still think you might be entitled to āfind out whyā? OP, this is not your trauma. Your husband is an autonomous adult who is allowed to set his own boundaries, and if you couldnāt trust his ability to make good decisions in that regard you should not have married him. Instead you meddled and undermined and completely violated his trustāhe trusted that you would act like a partner, not an overbearing matchmaker who didnāt believe him about his own lived experience.
You donāt have to know what happened. It is not your place to judge whether it was ābad enough.ā It does not matter if you ever understand. All you ever had to do was trust him, and you demonstrated you have no interest in being that sort of spouse, and so it serves you right if you lost him.
sk1999sk ask your husband to go to marriage counseling. You betrayed him big time. He may never be able to forgive you. You also need individual therapy to find out why you would do something like this to someone you supposedly love. if your husband refuses marriage counseling and ends your marriage, please see a therapist on you your own.
Editorās Note: removed the bottom part of the update as it had the rehash of the original post
Update 1: April 20, 2024
Hey guys My original post and account got nuked, and I can't find them anymore. If someone can find my original post I'll add It in an edit.
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay.
Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
laurcarol: There is zero reason for him to repair the relationship with his mom . I hope he gets the closure he deserves. I happen to remember your original post, and I still donāt know if you fully grasp what you did wrong.
Kebar8: Just so you know this is not something that will be fixed in the next few weeks or months.
This is going to take years for you to regain his full trust and love again
I hope you've put yourself in therapy to work out why you put yourself first here and not his wishes
Dry-Hearing5266: You need to put yourself in therapy.
Your level of boundary stomping and dismissing your husband's feelings along with your admission that you often "think that I often know better than him" shows you have issues that you need to address in individual therapy
You need to understand that you don't deserve his consideration no matter the reason for his estrangement with his mother. Whether you think it's justified or not.
You seem to have some narcissistic tendencies, and you need to get that addressed. A mentally healthy person would never do this.
Update 2: May 13, 2024
Hello everyone.
You can find the rest of the story on my previous post.
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage.
I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again.
Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly.
She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner.
He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comment
Veronika9216: I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to Marriage
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse of a child, trauma, miscarriage
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Commenter: Youāre a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. Youāre staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know youāre a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
MollyRolls:You transgressed on such a massive and personal level and you still think you might be entitled to āfind out whyā? OP, this is not your trauma. Your husband is an autonomous adult who is allowed to set his own boundaries, and if you couldnāt trust his ability to make good decisions in that regard you should not have married him. Instead you meddled and undermined and completely violated his trustāhe trusted that you would act like a partner, not an overbearing matchmaker who didnāt believe him about his own lived experience.
You donāt have to know what happened. It is not your place to judge whether it was ābad enough.ā It does not matter if you ever understand. All you ever had to do was trust him, and you demonstrated you have no interest in being that sort of spouse, and so it serves you right if you lost him.
sk1999sk ask your husband to go to marriage counseling. You betrayed him big time. He may never be able to forgive you. You also need individual therapy to find out why you would do something like this to someone you supposedly love. if your husband refuses marriage counseling and ends your marriage, please see a therapist on you your own.
Editorās Note: removed the bottom part of the update as it had the rehash of the original post
Update 1: April 20, 2024
Hey guys My original post and account got nuked, and I can't find them anymore. If someone can find my original post I'll add It in an edit.
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay.
Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
laurcarol: There is zero reason for him to repair the relationship with his mom . I hope he gets the closure he deserves. I happen to remember your original post, and I still donāt know if you fully grasp what you did wrong.
Kebar8: Just so you know this is not something that will be fixed in the next few weeks or months.
This is going to take years for you to regain his full trust and love again
I hope you've put yourself in therapy to work out why you put yourself first here and not his wishes
Dry-Hearing5266: You need to put yourself in therapy.
Your level of boundary stomping and dismissing your husband's feelings along with your admission that you often "think that I often know better than him" shows you have issues that you need to address in individual therapy
You need to understand that you don't deserve his consideration no matter the reason for his estrangement with his mother. Whether you think it's justified or not.
You seem to have some narcissistic tendencies, and you need to get that addressed. A mentally healthy person would never do this.
Update 2: May 13, 2024
Hello everyone.
You can find the rest of the story on my previous post.
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage.
I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again.
Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly.
She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner.
He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comment
Veronika9216: I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs ā BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.20 06:01 Direct-Caterpillar77 I run a DnD group with kids aged 7-11 at my local YMCA, and some parents are trying to get the game outright banned. I have to have a meeting with both parents and HR Department and effectively present my case. Please help!
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Decent_Lecture_1514
I run a DnD group with kids aged 7-11 at my local YMCA, and some parents are trying to get the game outright banned. I have to have a meeting with both parents and HR Department and effectively present my case. Please help!
Originally posted to DnD
Thanks to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU
EDITORS NOTE: because it's mentioned and some may not remember or been born when it happened, a quick synopsis of the satanic panic
The Satanic panic is a moral panic consisting of over 12,000 unsubstantiated cases of Satanic ritual abuse (SRA, sometimes known as ritual abuse, ritualistic abuse, organized abuse, or sadistic ritual abuse) starting in the United States in the 1980s, spreading throughout many parts of the world by the late 1990s, and persisting today.
Original Post May 9, 2024
Sorry if this is a longer post, but important context below ā¬ļø
So yeah I'm a program coordinator at our local YMCA and I run an after-school program (effectively am a glorified babysitter hahaha). This past school year I passively mentioned that I play a lot of DnD when one of the kids asked me if I had any plans that weekend, and it totally piqued their interest when I explained to them what the game was like/about. Naturally they asked if they could try and play and I figured sure why not, I'll write a fun and fam friendly one-shot for them.
They all absolutely loved it. It's turned into a proper campaign with about 7 of the 24 kids me and my coworkers look after consistently playing. I've had to limit the sessions to just 1-2 days of the 5 day school week, because I have other kids too that aren't interested in it, and I obviously still need to give them attention and interaction as well (and as you know DnD can be a very engaged and attention demanding). I thought this was a fair compromise. Days that it's nice outside we are always out running around, being active, playing sports -- but if it's a rainy day, or on our weekly Friday Movie Day, we generally play. It's been such a blast sharing something I love so deeply with kids who I care about so much.
So here comes the issue:
Almost every parent of the core group that plays loves that we are doing this (one even plays weekly and we bonded over it haha), but there is one child whose parents certainly do not; they want their kid just constantly active and engaged and playing sports, not playing "silly make believe", which I guess I get to a degree because this is kinda the MO of the YMCA traditionally; healthy active living.
I've explained that most days of the week we do just that, and that this is something we only do on Fridays or rain days when we are stuck inside, but they aren't budging. I think they have a misguided idea of the game and what it is, or maybe they are just fundamentally against it, I'm not sure. I don't think it's to the level of like the era of thought where media and the masses thought DnD was some kind of satanic game, but I feel like there could certainly be a bit of that.
Anyway they want it to stop immediately. I've told them I'm not forcing anyone to play, and that if they really feel that way they are within their rights to tell their child they don't want him playing, but they are trying to take it a step farther and get it banned. ALSO I would feel horrible if this child were forbade from playing while all his friends have a blast doing so. Just doesn't seem right.
I understand that it's a game that can involve more mature themes and gameplay, and probably isn't reeeeeeeeally for super young folk, but I feel the way I'm running it mitigates this for the most part: there's no PVP (so no bullying can happen), I'm dealing with waaaaaay less serious themes and stakes, and I don't even include any circumstances where they fight any other humanoids -- strictly just heroes fighting big bad monsters and saving towns. You know the drill.
So yeah long story short(ish) the parents of the one child have called a meeting with HR to discuss the playing of this game at the YMCA. I have it on Sunday. I'm confident I'm gonna have to effectively state my case and explain why I think this is not only an okay thing to be doing, but actually in fact a good thing. I don't know if I'll be able to fully sway them if their mind is already made up, all I can do is just speak my truth haha.
I do whole-heartedly think this game can be super beneficial for young folk. I'll spare you my long form thoughts, but between the teamwork and communication required and rewarded, the problem solving (both ethically and logically and mathematically), AND the improvisation emphasized, I think it stimulates a young mind very well. Lets them escape their own world for a bit and take agency and feel they have control, something young people so desperately desire.
So in conclusion, I'm kinda just writing this to get it off of my chest and vent, BUT I guess my questions would be:
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Thackebr
probloodmagic
Here
Many offered sites that share good info about why DnD is helpful and beneficial to kids
thatdanglion
Made a post a few days ago about how I run a DnD campaign for some kids in an after-school program I run for the YMCA, and subsequently how the parents of one of the kids was trying to get the game banned and whole operation shut down. I wasn't sure the best way to make an update, but I linked the whole original post above so you can have a read if you'd like ^
So firstly genuine genuine genuine big thanks to everyone who took the time to read and respond with input and suggestions. It means a ton and really helped a lot. So I'm just gonna jump right in with what happened.
Firstly, I took the advice about getting testimonies from parents who were super happy that I was playing this game with their kids -- we weren't allowed to have outside visitors involved in the actual meeting with HR, but I got emails and messages from mostly every parent (besides the one complaining about it lmao) to voice their support and why they think this is not a harmful thing, and in fact actually a good thing. I really think this helped a lot and was a big factor, so thanks everyone who suggested. It's not something I would've thought to do on my own ahahah.
I didn't want to come in toooooo heavy with the articles and very clear scientific proof about the benefits of developing minds playing TTRPGs', because (as it turned out) this was actually more just conversational and "pleasant" than I thought it was gonna be, at least from HRs side. I did mention to them the multiple studies done on this exact scenario, but it turned out I didn't even really need them. There were definitely moments of tension, but this was a more civil conversation than I anticipated from all parties involved. I'm not sure if it was the fact that the parents who complained had to talk to me in person WITH my bosses and HR reps present and it calmed them down a bit? But yeah anyway.
I wish it was a more dramatic story, but basically I just levelled with them person to person.
People who said they were betting on it being a Christian, satanic-panic angle: you were right, mostly anyway. As in, that was definitely a main part of their argument. They are in fact Christian and were concerned, but it was really coming from a place of ignorance about what this game is about, and they specifically didn't understand the fact that the DM (me) can entirely control what the contents of it is. I'm assuming they just googled DnD and probably saw some things they didn't agree with, but once I explained that the way we were playing it included no demon spawn or worshipping, or any killing of other humans, or allowing of murder-hobo activity, they softened up a bit. I told them it's a strictly G/PG rated experience that I'm curating for them. And of course I explained the social and academic benefits of DnD, and how much of a bonding activity this is for the group, and how much their son in particular loves it. This helped big time.
Ironically, it was their other argument about wanting active engagement for their child (ie; sports lol) that was a little harder to combat. From their and HRs perspective, this whole program and the YMCAs MO IS in fact healthy active engagement. I explained that most days of the week we are doing just that. I'm a tennis instructor as well and have played sports all my life (and they know this), so I tried to assure them that I get their child a SOLID amount of engagement (plus free tennis lessons effectively haha). I'll save you the whole back and forth, but this was a majority of our 45 minute meeting.
Im trying to wrap this up with a bow but not sure exactly how, so I'll just finish with the bullet points from the end of the discussion:
ā¢ The game is not banned! HOORAY HOORAY!
ā¢ I am now only allowed to play it with them once a week (on Friday), but all things considered I'll take this as a win!
ā¢ and best of all, the complained parents are letting their kid continue to play!!!! I'm sending them a detailed summary of the contents of my game so they can look it over, but they said with it now "officially" only being once a week, and with a better understanding of what it actually is, they will let him to continue to play. I'm so unbelievably happy.
So boom. Happy ending. Again big thanks to everyone for giving their advice and linking resources; it helped so much and meant a lot. This is a big win for "the community" I feel, at the risk of sounding too corny. You are all the best. I love this game so much š„¹
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP explains how they made DnD G/PG rated
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
I run a DnD group with kids aged 7-11 at my local YMCA, and some parents are trying to get the game outright banned. I have to have a meeting with both parents and HR Department and effectively present my case. Please help!
Originally posted to DnD
Thanks to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU
EDITORS NOTE: because it's mentioned and some may not remember or been born when it happened, a quick synopsis of the satanic panic
The Satanic panic is a moral panic consisting of over 12,000 unsubstantiated cases of Satanic ritual abuse (SRA, sometimes known as ritual abuse, ritualistic abuse, organized abuse, or sadistic ritual abuse) starting in the United States in the 1980s, spreading throughout many parts of the world by the late 1990s, and persisting today.
Original Post May 9, 2024
Sorry if this is a longer post, but important context below ā¬ļø
So yeah I'm a program coordinator at our local YMCA and I run an after-school program (effectively am a glorified babysitter hahaha). This past school year I passively mentioned that I play a lot of DnD when one of the kids asked me if I had any plans that weekend, and it totally piqued their interest when I explained to them what the game was like/about. Naturally they asked if they could try and play and I figured sure why not, I'll write a fun and fam friendly one-shot for them.
They all absolutely loved it. It's turned into a proper campaign with about 7 of the 24 kids me and my coworkers look after consistently playing. I've had to limit the sessions to just 1-2 days of the 5 day school week, because I have other kids too that aren't interested in it, and I obviously still need to give them attention and interaction as well (and as you know DnD can be a very engaged and attention demanding). I thought this was a fair compromise. Days that it's nice outside we are always out running around, being active, playing sports -- but if it's a rainy day, or on our weekly Friday Movie Day, we generally play. It's been such a blast sharing something I love so deeply with kids who I care about so much.
So here comes the issue:
Almost every parent of the core group that plays loves that we are doing this (one even plays weekly and we bonded over it haha), but there is one child whose parents certainly do not; they want their kid just constantly active and engaged and playing sports, not playing "silly make believe", which I guess I get to a degree because this is kinda the MO of the YMCA traditionally; healthy active living.
I've explained that most days of the week we do just that, and that this is something we only do on Fridays or rain days when we are stuck inside, but they aren't budging. I think they have a misguided idea of the game and what it is, or maybe they are just fundamentally against it, I'm not sure. I don't think it's to the level of like the era of thought where media and the masses thought DnD was some kind of satanic game, but I feel like there could certainly be a bit of that.
Anyway they want it to stop immediately. I've told them I'm not forcing anyone to play, and that if they really feel that way they are within their rights to tell their child they don't want him playing, but they are trying to take it a step farther and get it banned. ALSO I would feel horrible if this child were forbade from playing while all his friends have a blast doing so. Just doesn't seem right.
I understand that it's a game that can involve more mature themes and gameplay, and probably isn't reeeeeeeeally for super young folk, but I feel the way I'm running it mitigates this for the most part: there's no PVP (so no bullying can happen), I'm dealing with waaaaaay less serious themes and stakes, and I don't even include any circumstances where they fight any other humanoids -- strictly just heroes fighting big bad monsters and saving towns. You know the drill.
So yeah long story short(ish) the parents of the one child have called a meeting with HR to discuss the playing of this game at the YMCA. I have it on Sunday. I'm confident I'm gonna have to effectively state my case and explain why I think this is not only an okay thing to be doing, but actually in fact a good thing. I don't know if I'll be able to fully sway them if their mind is already made up, all I can do is just speak my truth haha.
I do whole-heartedly think this game can be super beneficial for young folk. I'll spare you my long form thoughts, but between the teamwork and communication required and rewarded, the problem solving (both ethically and logically and mathematically), AND the improvisation emphasized, I think it stimulates a young mind very well. Lets them escape their own world for a bit and take agency and feel they have control, something young people so desperately desire.
So in conclusion, I'm kinda just writing this to get it off of my chest and vent, BUT I guess my questions would be:
- do you have any advice on how to properly communicate my points on why this game can be beneficial for young minds?
- Do you know of any other benefits I'm missing?
- have you ever had experiences similar to this?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Thackebr
I know it is a hassle, but if you get to keep Dnd, you might want to start requiring permission slips. That way, you could avoid this in the future.The_Law_Of_Pizza
~This will make it less likely for the OP to get a surprise angry parent, but I don't like the precedent of demanding permission slips for a mundane board game.
It sets up an expectation that D&D is different in some way, and gives ammunition to these weirdos who are still trapped in the Satanic Panic - it lets them point to the permission slips and say, "Look, even your own policies admit that this is something to be hidden behind barriers and parental approval."
At a certain point we have to stand up to these people in society and tell them that they're being ridiculous and that we won't concede to their demands under any circumstances. That takes a great deal of backbone by the YMCA administration, though.
probloodmagic
Geez. Really putting the "C" in YMCA. I imagine looking into how people fought back during the "Satanic Panic" might provide some good advice for this.u/efrique had a great comment about handling a new round of the satanic panic
Here
Many offered sites that share good info about why DnD is helpful and beneficial to kids
thatdanglion
You can point the leadership and parents to the numerous studies showing the many ways playing D&D is beneficial for kids, too. One, for example.g3rmb0y
I just looked through this thread, there's a ton of great stuff here.dgendbreau
Some additional good orgs that talk about the therapy side are: https://gametogrow.org/ https://geektherapeutics.com/ https://rollforkindness.com/ (That's me) https://www.thebodhanagroup.org/
D&D has also been shown to be useful in teaching kids about social skills, creative writing, theory of mind, mental math, team work, problem solving etc.Update May 13, 2024
https://dnd.wizards.com/resources/educators
Made a post a few days ago about how I run a DnD campaign for some kids in an after-school program I run for the YMCA, and subsequently how the parents of one of the kids was trying to get the game banned and whole operation shut down. I wasn't sure the best way to make an update, but I linked the whole original post above so you can have a read if you'd like ^
So firstly genuine genuine genuine big thanks to everyone who took the time to read and respond with input and suggestions. It means a ton and really helped a lot. So I'm just gonna jump right in with what happened.
Firstly, I took the advice about getting testimonies from parents who were super happy that I was playing this game with their kids -- we weren't allowed to have outside visitors involved in the actual meeting with HR, but I got emails and messages from mostly every parent (besides the one complaining about it lmao) to voice their support and why they think this is not a harmful thing, and in fact actually a good thing. I really think this helped a lot and was a big factor, so thanks everyone who suggested. It's not something I would've thought to do on my own ahahah.
I didn't want to come in toooooo heavy with the articles and very clear scientific proof about the benefits of developing minds playing TTRPGs', because (as it turned out) this was actually more just conversational and "pleasant" than I thought it was gonna be, at least from HRs side. I did mention to them the multiple studies done on this exact scenario, but it turned out I didn't even really need them. There were definitely moments of tension, but this was a more civil conversation than I anticipated from all parties involved. I'm not sure if it was the fact that the parents who complained had to talk to me in person WITH my bosses and HR reps present and it calmed them down a bit? But yeah anyway.
I wish it was a more dramatic story, but basically I just levelled with them person to person.
People who said they were betting on it being a Christian, satanic-panic angle: you were right, mostly anyway. As in, that was definitely a main part of their argument. They are in fact Christian and were concerned, but it was really coming from a place of ignorance about what this game is about, and they specifically didn't understand the fact that the DM (me) can entirely control what the contents of it is. I'm assuming they just googled DnD and probably saw some things they didn't agree with, but once I explained that the way we were playing it included no demon spawn or worshipping, or any killing of other humans, or allowing of murder-hobo activity, they softened up a bit. I told them it's a strictly G/PG rated experience that I'm curating for them. And of course I explained the social and academic benefits of DnD, and how much of a bonding activity this is for the group, and how much their son in particular loves it. This helped big time.
Ironically, it was their other argument about wanting active engagement for their child (ie; sports lol) that was a little harder to combat. From their and HRs perspective, this whole program and the YMCAs MO IS in fact healthy active engagement. I explained that most days of the week we are doing just that. I'm a tennis instructor as well and have played sports all my life (and they know this), so I tried to assure them that I get their child a SOLID amount of engagement (plus free tennis lessons effectively haha). I'll save you the whole back and forth, but this was a majority of our 45 minute meeting.
Im trying to wrap this up with a bow but not sure exactly how, so I'll just finish with the bullet points from the end of the discussion:
ā¢ The game is not banned! HOORAY HOORAY!
ā¢ I am now only allowed to play it with them once a week (on Friday), but all things considered I'll take this as a win!
ā¢ and best of all, the complained parents are letting their kid continue to play!!!! I'm sending them a detailed summary of the contents of my game so they can look it over, but they said with it now "officially" only being once a week, and with a better understanding of what it actually is, they will let him to continue to play. I'm so unbelievably happy.
So boom. Happy ending. Again big thanks to everyone for giving their advice and linking resources; it helped so much and meant a lot. This is a big win for "the community" I feel, at the risk of sounding too corny. You are all the best. I love this game so much š„¹
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP explains how they made DnD G/PG rated
So the method I've taken is that this is mainly an explorative and mystery solving campaign. There is combat occasionally, but it's heeeeeavy on the RP aspect of these aforementioned things (aka 7 kids screaming over each other lmao)THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
I briefly mentioned in the previous post that when I do involve combat I don't include any that js player versus any humanoids -- so no "killing" of bandits or raiders or pirates or anything resembling, it's strictly taking out big bad monsters, or a big spidebats/owlbear or whatever when it does happen. This takes a big amount of the potential nastiness out: Timmy cant go home saying "Mom I killed 4 dudes today!", regardless if he understands the deeply political and socio-economic rooted reasons why it may be justified he did that š hahahah.
So yeah eliminated that entirely, strayed away from words like "kill" or "dead" or certainly "murdered", and have a very very "heroes save the town from mishaps" type adventure. For a quick example our last plot hook/beat (which ended up taking up like 3 Fridays because of how long it can take with young kids hahaha) involved them stumbling into a town and discovering that it holds the map to an ancient treasure that is rumoured to be buried in a magical woods nearby. Maaaaaany puzzles and skill checks later they found it deep in the woods by a magic tree and had to answer (very basic) riddles from the speaking and living tree in order to get access to it. They succeeded and absolutely loved it and there was no combat at all.
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.20 06:00 cheeper123 35M Trying to find my fun and weird daily texting buddy !
Hello ! And thanks for opening my post lol. I honestly just want to write whatever is on my mind as I'm always just saying what I'm feeling so why not write it as well eh ?
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
submitted by cheeper123 to chat [link] [comments]
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
2024.05.20 06:00 onlyouwillgethis GetAround says they canāt help me with a situation where my rentalās tire blew out preventing me from being able to use it for the entire second day of my booking, I was charged full price.
Hey everyone,
Iām located in Oakland California, and desperate for help.
Story:
I had made an advanced GetAround booking (airbnb of car renting) of two days.
On the first day, an unfortunate incident occurred at night where I was driving on a popular main street and suddenly the front left tire of the car blew out (no other damage at all).
I safely pulled over and was luckily within stoneās throw of my house and also where the car needed to be returned back to.
Upon investigation of the spot where it occurred, I discovered the cause: An absolutely ugly and dangerous pothole on the left edge of the lane which wasnāt there just a few days ago.
While I was investigating it, several other cars too were not able to see it clearly at night and thus had ugly run ins with it. One carās hub cap came right off.
I had had a pleasant interaction with the owner prior to using his car and so out of good faith I decided to immediately reach out to him and let him know of what had happened.
He was very cool and understanding about it and said not to worry and that to end the trip so he could get his mechanic to fix it. I was to leave the car where Iād pulled over.
I then reached out to GetAround about this and they sent me a questionnaire about the incident and asked me to attach all the relevant imagery and what not to build the case for the insurance team.
I did so within 24h and sent it over.
It has been 75+ days now since nothing satisfactory has come of this from their end.
As usual, I had to be the one to follow-up for any updates. And when it wasnāt silence, the only other response I would get was āthe claims team is working on it and weāll let you know soonā.
Finally, one day, after badgering them for their atrocious customer service on social media they got a human to call me.
This person sounded helpful and assured me he would do his best to figure this out and that he would get back to me in no more than 24h with a conclusion.
He never did.
I followed-up again but they now keep saying āweāre unable to do anything because the owner hasnāt filed a claim from their side, and so until the owner participates in this nothing can be doneā.
Throughout these 75+ days I have of course tried contacting the owner through several means ranging from his direct number to the in-app chat on GetAround, he is completely unresponsive.
I even have google street view photos showing that the pothole used to be patched-up once upon a time confirming that it was a known problem that was meant to be solved and could not be anticipated for by a driver at night who is used to that popular road being free of potholes.
I had even bought insurance with the car and yet they treated me like a peasant and have charged me the full price for the trip + a $10 fee for āmissing fuelā which I couldnāt have ever refueled due to the car being incapacitated.
How to go about this? This is now more about the principle to me than the exact dollar amount.
I hate GetAround to my core.
P.S. I can imagine getting replies to this asking about sharing exact details like photos of the flat tire and of the pothole etc. and the reason I didnāt put them in yet is because I donāt want to bloat the post.
I have them all ready at a momentās notice so if any of you say that the details are crucial for you to be able to help just let me know and Iāll immediately post them.
Thank you in advance!
submitted by onlyouwillgethis to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Iām located in Oakland California, and desperate for help.
Story:
I had made an advanced GetAround booking (airbnb of car renting) of two days.
On the first day, an unfortunate incident occurred at night where I was driving on a popular main street and suddenly the front left tire of the car blew out (no other damage at all).
I safely pulled over and was luckily within stoneās throw of my house and also where the car needed to be returned back to.
Upon investigation of the spot where it occurred, I discovered the cause: An absolutely ugly and dangerous pothole on the left edge of the lane which wasnāt there just a few days ago.
While I was investigating it, several other cars too were not able to see it clearly at night and thus had ugly run ins with it. One carās hub cap came right off.
I had had a pleasant interaction with the owner prior to using his car and so out of good faith I decided to immediately reach out to him and let him know of what had happened.
He was very cool and understanding about it and said not to worry and that to end the trip so he could get his mechanic to fix it. I was to leave the car where Iād pulled over.
I then reached out to GetAround about this and they sent me a questionnaire about the incident and asked me to attach all the relevant imagery and what not to build the case for the insurance team.
I did so within 24h and sent it over.
It has been 75+ days now since nothing satisfactory has come of this from their end.
As usual, I had to be the one to follow-up for any updates. And when it wasnāt silence, the only other response I would get was āthe claims team is working on it and weāll let you know soonā.
Finally, one day, after badgering them for their atrocious customer service on social media they got a human to call me.
This person sounded helpful and assured me he would do his best to figure this out and that he would get back to me in no more than 24h with a conclusion.
He never did.
I followed-up again but they now keep saying āweāre unable to do anything because the owner hasnāt filed a claim from their side, and so until the owner participates in this nothing can be doneā.
Throughout these 75+ days I have of course tried contacting the owner through several means ranging from his direct number to the in-app chat on GetAround, he is completely unresponsive.
I even have google street view photos showing that the pothole used to be patched-up once upon a time confirming that it was a known problem that was meant to be solved and could not be anticipated for by a driver at night who is used to that popular road being free of potholes.
I had even bought insurance with the car and yet they treated me like a peasant and have charged me the full price for the trip + a $10 fee for āmissing fuelā which I couldnāt have ever refueled due to the car being incapacitated.
How to go about this? This is now more about the principle to me than the exact dollar amount.
I hate GetAround to my core.
P.S. I can imagine getting replies to this asking about sharing exact details like photos of the flat tire and of the pothole etc. and the reason I didnāt put them in yet is because I donāt want to bloat the post.
I have them all ready at a momentās notice so if any of you say that the details are crucial for you to be able to help just let me know and Iāll immediately post them.
Thank you in advance!
2024.05.20 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling heād do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. Iāve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I donāt mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. Iām sorry. Iām tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my bossās case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesnāt hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didnāt want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. Iāll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesnāt want to negotiate on that. I canāt stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. Itās unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kidās mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her Iāve quit. She asked me if the late warnings āresetā when a new instructor takes over (they donāt). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kidās private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, thatās the end of that. I feel bad I couldnāt stick it out with this kids program but itās too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone elseās time, sure who doesnāt love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you donāt out of principle they just canāt understand it.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.
OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups
OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties
OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everythingā he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling heād do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. Iāve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I donāt mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. Iām sorry. Iām tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation
OOP: I wouldnāt say Iām angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my bossās approach in dealing with issues. Itās hard to convey all of it in writing but heās extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, thereās always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldnāt have to be like that.WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
I think Iām coming to terms with the realization that heās a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though heās implemented the new policies, heās acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She canāt stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused meā she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my bossās case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesnāt hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didnāt want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. Iāll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesnāt want to negotiate on that. I canāt stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. Itās unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kidās mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her Iāve quit. She asked me if the late warnings āresetā when a new instructor takes over (they donāt). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kidās private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, thatās the end of that. I feel bad I couldnāt stick it out with this kids program but itās too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone elseās time, sure who doesnāt love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you donāt out of principle they just canāt understand it.
OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs ā BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.20 06:00 cheeper123 35M Trying to find my fun and weird daily texting buddy !
Hello ! And thanks for opening my post lol. I honestly just want to write whatever is on my mind as I'm always just saying what I'm feeling so why not write it as well eh ?
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
submitted by cheeper123 to MakeFriendsOver30 [link] [comments]
I'm looking for a fun weird daily texting buddy! One who is open and honest and puts good effort into the conversation. The conversation doesn't have to be all normal and boring like TV shows or music stuff because I have definitely experienced it doesn't make any good connection. Let's talk about dreams and wishes and what you wanna do but can't do, how you really feel, what you want to be in real life but can't because you have responsibilities.
Just be yourself with me and be the 100% person you can't be in real life, I absolutely not care about what you think because each person is his/her own self so why not let them be ? Oh and please don't be shy or whatever because I would really want a more open person who doesn't judge instantly, I want us to create a judgement free zone for sure š.
So to sum it up, I want a fun weird open honest not judgmental, speak your mind, put good effort kind of friend and if that's you let's give it a try and see if we can make the most amazing friendship this community has ever seen !
Also I do prefer Snapchat so please if you have that let's snap ! It's more expressive to get to know each other that way š
2024.05.20 06:00 Direct-Caterpillar77 GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but Iāve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. Iām going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as āside charactersā. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so āall we had to focus on is roleplayingā. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, āSee! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!ā But Iām just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didnāt pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirateās roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasnāt letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasnāt what their ancestors would want. Iām sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion rollā¦ and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesnāt change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, āHey, weāre old now, being up past midnight isnāt as easy as it used to.ā To which Colorado replies, āI just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.ā The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why weāre not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and Iām tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short āThat was awkwardā conversation. I donāt know Soldier well so I didnāt say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldurās Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if Iāve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises Iāll have more freedom next time. I wouldnāt understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him Iām not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought Iād say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if Iāll still make his maps and character art even if I donāt play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Coloradoās mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. Iām not his Giving Tree and I shouldnāt be left a stump for a campaign where he doesnāt even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didnāt feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose
Any update to this?OOP
Final Update May 11, 2024I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but Iāve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. Iām going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as āside charactersā. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so āall we had to focus on is roleplayingā. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, āSee! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!ā But Iām just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didnāt pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirateās roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasnāt letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasnāt what their ancestors would want. Iām sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion rollā¦ and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesnāt change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, āHey, weāre old now, being up past midnight isnāt as easy as it used to.ā To which Colorado replies, āI just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.ā The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why weāre not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and Iām tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short āThat was awkwardā conversation. I donāt know Soldier well so I didnāt say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldurās Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if Iāve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises Iāll have more freedom next time. I wouldnāt understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him Iām not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought Iād say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if Iāll still make his maps and character art even if I donāt play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Coloradoās mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. Iām not his Giving Tree and I shouldnāt be left a stump for a campaign where he doesnāt even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didnāt feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious
Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.OOP
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOPYeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.20 05:59 Agile_Cash2609 My favorite person doesn't seem to care about me and doesn't like me, I'm sure you guys get these kind of posts every second but I need help (also this is such a jumbled textpost because I am crying and I forgot to take my antipsychotics yesterday, so i hope you understand this <3)
This is SO long and rambly, I'm reading it over and I already dislike it, I think I'm very superficial in this. But if you want to, I'd luv if you'd skim it or read the end questions to see if you have any answers.
He's just a friend. We met online when I was 17 and he was 16 and we were just friends for the next four years but then all of a sudden last year I got a crush on him out of nowhere and it just progressed into this Thing, this devotion. I used to care a normal amount and we would have meaningful conversations and it just worked. And then when he became my favorite person, it turned into torture. When he talked to me it was euphoria, but when he didn't respond I would sob and cut myself. He's the only thing I think about, every day I have conversations with him in my head just to feel comforted. He's a good friend and he has said he cares about me in the past but I feel him gradually getting farther and farther away because his band is taking off and he's getting more friends and confidence and awareness and wisdom and I'm not growing at all. I can't. He sees that. He's repulsed by my depression, even though when I met him he was severely depressed, and he seems to dislike me and the worst part is that I told him I liked him last summer and he asked me to send him pictures of myself naked. And I did it and I felt so happy and I kept doing it over and over again whenever he asked, even though I knew he didn't care about me. He even said so. I asked how he felt about me liking him and he said he didn't feel anything at all and he didn't care either way. And then last month, we hooked up, and I was so nervous and excited, I felt like I was on coke, and it was good and I felt happy. But he has other options and opportunities, and things that make him happy, and my main thing is him. I need to pull myself out of the mud and let him go, because he's onto better things. And I need to fill my life with projects and things that I'm passionate about, and I know that, but all I want is him. It stings that he has so many friends, because I get jealous of people that have friends. I used to have a whole network of friends that I loved very very much, and then I went through psychosis and became the crazy girl and everyone disowned me. And I noticed that some of his new friends are in the same group as the people who disowned me. All I can think about is him befriending them and leaving me behind. The ones who think I'm a total freak loser. And the thing is those people label themselves as freaks, they're alt and different and outcasts and I don't even fit in with them, I'm stiff and depressed and awkward now and nothing like how I was and I don't know if I can ever be that person again. I feel like a total loser, I feel like I'm totally broken and I don't have a chance of ever talking to him again. And I know he's said he gets worried about me, which might mean he cares, he said that right before we hooked up last month, but it just seems like he's on his way out and I have to be strong and say goodbye and all I want to do is text him but I don't know what I would say or if it would bother him, and I'm trying to figure out with online tarot cards how he sees me and they all show me images of people that look repulsive. And I don't know if it's all in my head or if I'm picking up on something real, I feel a burning sensation every time I see his success because that means that he'll just see me as more and more lame and worthless. And I don't even know if he's the type of person that thinks of people that way, but I'm afraid he is. It''s likely he is. I long to talk to him and I don't even know why him exactly, it's just this feeling and it's all consuming, it feels so empty thinking about not talking to him and I think it will feel better once I just rip the bandaid off and start doing things for myself but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I will keep telling myself that I am strong. But so many times I said I'm done with him and I'm focusing on my self worth, and then it's like a total riptide back to him. I'm so sad and I wish i could cry more about it but I just feel a burning sensation in my solar plexus like always now. I think that's where I store my sadness, but I don't know. What do I do when I don't even know reality, I don't even know what he thinks of me, or if he's done with me, or if he doesn't even have an opinion of me that much. It seems like it would be so easy for him to lose contact with me and not care, he has so many opportunities and options, he's like a kid in a candy shop and I'm like a kid who's starving and just found a lollipop. I'm gonna cling onto that lollipop for as long as possible and I'm not gonna let it go, and I'm trying to eat the stick to get the same feeling I got when I first started it. The world feels empty without him, and he doesn't feel the same way. It's like a dagger in my gut. I don't know what reality is, I don't know if we're fine or if he's put off by me, and I only get to surface from this dark pond once in a while and see that it doesn't matter, before I get pulled back in.
TL;DR What do I do so I don't go crazy being inexplicably tethered to someone who I think feels nothing for me if not repulsion? Should I just text him, because nothing concrete has happened at all between us, other than him leaving me on read a couple times? How do you guys deal with saying goodbye to your FP and what do you do to cope with it? I'm going back and forth between he's fine with me and he's repulsed by me, do you have any coping skills for this? Or coping skills for anything else I mentioned? I feel very vulnerable right now, I have total tunnel vision emotionally right now, and I'm aware I sound superficial but I'm pretty damn scattered rn, anyway I would absolutely love some other bpd ppl to share. Thank u <3
submitted by Agile_Cash2609 to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]
He's just a friend. We met online when I was 17 and he was 16 and we were just friends for the next four years but then all of a sudden last year I got a crush on him out of nowhere and it just progressed into this Thing, this devotion. I used to care a normal amount and we would have meaningful conversations and it just worked. And then when he became my favorite person, it turned into torture. When he talked to me it was euphoria, but when he didn't respond I would sob and cut myself. He's the only thing I think about, every day I have conversations with him in my head just to feel comforted. He's a good friend and he has said he cares about me in the past but I feel him gradually getting farther and farther away because his band is taking off and he's getting more friends and confidence and awareness and wisdom and I'm not growing at all. I can't. He sees that. He's repulsed by my depression, even though when I met him he was severely depressed, and he seems to dislike me and the worst part is that I told him I liked him last summer and he asked me to send him pictures of myself naked. And I did it and I felt so happy and I kept doing it over and over again whenever he asked, even though I knew he didn't care about me. He even said so. I asked how he felt about me liking him and he said he didn't feel anything at all and he didn't care either way. And then last month, we hooked up, and I was so nervous and excited, I felt like I was on coke, and it was good and I felt happy. But he has other options and opportunities, and things that make him happy, and my main thing is him. I need to pull myself out of the mud and let him go, because he's onto better things. And I need to fill my life with projects and things that I'm passionate about, and I know that, but all I want is him. It stings that he has so many friends, because I get jealous of people that have friends. I used to have a whole network of friends that I loved very very much, and then I went through psychosis and became the crazy girl and everyone disowned me. And I noticed that some of his new friends are in the same group as the people who disowned me. All I can think about is him befriending them and leaving me behind. The ones who think I'm a total freak loser. And the thing is those people label themselves as freaks, they're alt and different and outcasts and I don't even fit in with them, I'm stiff and depressed and awkward now and nothing like how I was and I don't know if I can ever be that person again. I feel like a total loser, I feel like I'm totally broken and I don't have a chance of ever talking to him again. And I know he's said he gets worried about me, which might mean he cares, he said that right before we hooked up last month, but it just seems like he's on his way out and I have to be strong and say goodbye and all I want to do is text him but I don't know what I would say or if it would bother him, and I'm trying to figure out with online tarot cards how he sees me and they all show me images of people that look repulsive. And I don't know if it's all in my head or if I'm picking up on something real, I feel a burning sensation every time I see his success because that means that he'll just see me as more and more lame and worthless. And I don't even know if he's the type of person that thinks of people that way, but I'm afraid he is. It''s likely he is. I long to talk to him and I don't even know why him exactly, it's just this feeling and it's all consuming, it feels so empty thinking about not talking to him and I think it will feel better once I just rip the bandaid off and start doing things for myself but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I will keep telling myself that I am strong. But so many times I said I'm done with him and I'm focusing on my self worth, and then it's like a total riptide back to him. I'm so sad and I wish i could cry more about it but I just feel a burning sensation in my solar plexus like always now. I think that's where I store my sadness, but I don't know. What do I do when I don't even know reality, I don't even know what he thinks of me, or if he's done with me, or if he doesn't even have an opinion of me that much. It seems like it would be so easy for him to lose contact with me and not care, he has so many opportunities and options, he's like a kid in a candy shop and I'm like a kid who's starving and just found a lollipop. I'm gonna cling onto that lollipop for as long as possible and I'm not gonna let it go, and I'm trying to eat the stick to get the same feeling I got when I first started it. The world feels empty without him, and he doesn't feel the same way. It's like a dagger in my gut. I don't know what reality is, I don't know if we're fine or if he's put off by me, and I only get to surface from this dark pond once in a while and see that it doesn't matter, before I get pulled back in.
TL;DR What do I do so I don't go crazy being inexplicably tethered to someone who I think feels nothing for me if not repulsion? Should I just text him, because nothing concrete has happened at all between us, other than him leaving me on read a couple times? How do you guys deal with saying goodbye to your FP and what do you do to cope with it? I'm going back and forth between he's fine with me and he's repulsed by me, do you have any coping skills for this? Or coping skills for anything else I mentioned? I feel very vulnerable right now, I have total tunnel vision emotionally right now, and I'm aware I sound superficial but I'm pretty damn scattered rn, anyway I would absolutely love some other bpd ppl to share. Thank u <3