My significant other has reddit so genders and names will be concealed and this acc is a throw away.
I (21) have a significant other (22) that does not take care of their personal hygiene. It isn’t the typical bad breath or hairy arm pit scenarios, although I wish it was. I have been living with my significant other for about a year now, but recently it’s becoming more of a problem. One morning I was trying to wake up my s/o for work and as they were yawning I saw something black in their mouth.. on the bottom of their tooth. I was so shocked I asked them to open their mouth and see what was wrong. They immediately shut me down and told me to leave it. Instead I decided to calmly ask what happened and if it had been like this for a while. They admitted it has been like that but didn’t seem to know why it became black. S/o also stated there wasn’t any pain on or around the tooth.
For some context, s/o stays up usually around 4-7 AM playing video games and I typically go to bed at midnight when I work so I’m not sure if they brush their teeth at night. On days I am off, I do notice that s/o wouldn’t brush their teeth for nearly the entire day unless I say something. S/o does tend to opt out for juice or soda during every meal over water which might be the cause but I feel like that has to be a habit for years in order to turn a tooth black. S/o’s teeth were perfectly fine when we moved in together.
I had a long talk with s/o about why taking care of their health and personal hygiene is so important as s/o has a complicated medical history and is more prone to sickness/injuries than others. In which I made the mistake of saying I wouldn’t want to be with someone that can’t take care of themself and that if they continued to neglect the situation then it would lead to us breaking up.
S/o remained quiet for the rest of the evening until they left for work. Later on I received a message from s/o stating that they felt hurt that my solution was to break up and that I didn’t bother to ask them why they stopped taking care of themselves. At first I had, I tried to encourage getting ready for bed together but it always led to either me yelling at them to get off the game or being told they were going to do it later and I would get ready for bed by myself.
AITA for this?
Before anyone comments, yes s/o has health insurance/dental insurance as they are on their parents policy. I did urge s/o to make an appointment with the dentist asap and they agreed but tends to forget. I also don’t know when’s the last time they had gotten a cleaning.
TLDR; My s/o has a tooth that became black and I told them if they continue to not brush their teeth then I would leave them.

My friend got way to drunk at a club and tried to fight security, the manager and the arresting officers (nobody got hurt but he did throw up on one of the officers). He hired an attorney and was told it would cost up to $25,000 if it went to trial. A year and a half later he's spent $50,000. A few weeks before the trial date the corona virus shuts down the courts. Fast forward 2+ years and the backed up court system starts slowly wading through their backlog. The new trial date comes up and his Attorney demands another $25,000 to get ready for a trial he already spent $50,000 preparing for. He's completely tapped out at this point and has to go with a public defender who did his best but my friend got 10 months. Is an Attorney allowed to demand more money for a trial he was supposed to be ready for?

They're always late. Always always always late and it is one of my biggest triggers and makes me shut down (might also be splitting I'm not sure) like crazy. I go cold and silent and I can't talk or else I'll start yelling. So they were an hour late the other night. I shut down. Thankfully only for a few hours and came back out of it and things were fine. But I decided to speak up about it a couple days after. Which was last night. And I told them it bothers me a lot that they're late and I find it very upsetting especially when I'm working 2 jobs 60 hours a week and I can still manage to be on time and none of them work a job at all and yet they're still late. And one of them actually did apologize and said they'd work on it meanwhile the other 2 basically said "you're on the drivers time" and said that they aren't in a rush so they're gonna take their time and they would rush if it was an emergency. Which is so annoying cause it doesn't have to be an emergency for people to BE ON TIME especially when they set the time for things in the first place !! I ended up apologizing cause I felt like I was being overdramatic as it seems I usually am. And said "I hope you guys don't feel like you have to walk on egg shells around me" and one of them said it does, and said they Wana bring up problems to me but they worry if they do ill internalize it and hurt myself but that them holding things in is hurting them. and that is literally so fucking infuriating when there has never been a time that they've ever come to me with a problem, much less a problem I've then hurt myself over. So they're out here putting this on me and acting like it's my fucking fault they're holding things in and hurting themselves in the process WHEN THATS THEIR FUCKING FAULT. All because I'm covered in scars and they view me as a weak bitch. If they are scared to bring problems to me when there hasn't been a past experience to push them away from that with me, THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM. I get worried to bring things up to people out of fear I'll hurt them or they'll yell at me or I'll ruin everything BUT THAT IS MY PROBLEM AND NO ONE ELSES. I wanna drop all of them but I also don't Wana lose them. So for now I'll do nothing. But I just needed to rant. Advice and opinions are welcome

My car is slowly dying. 191 000 km. Master power window switch only rolls down windows. Need to use the door switch to roll it up. I took apart my door and cleaned up what I could but I Can’t find a replacement. My keypad no longer works too.
Some mechanic messed up my lights. I had to pull one of the relays/modules so I no longer have day time running lights or high beams. But both headlights work. If I put the module in only the passenger light turns on and I get high beams for that one headlight too. After that headlight fix my cruise control stopped working. I hope I figure it out but all these electric problems are more annoyances.
My passenger door will only lock automatically but will not unlock. Im greatful the others are all good still. Really thinking of installing remote start which will allow for keyless entry.
My transmission feels like it’s slipping. I got a relative who works for a dealership to change the fluids but it hasn’t done much. From a stop car goes through gears no problem. But once I break and reaccelerate feels like it’s stuck in 4th and struggles to downshift.
My mileage is crap too. Ever since I got this car I’ve been using 91 just like the original owners did. But I’m only getting 150km for half a tank. Use to get around 220km half tank.
My suspension is done. I wanna get it replaced but having hard time finding springs. Found some places who said they only have suspension parts for the SE and that they have nothing aftermarket for the gxe sonar suspension. I have some OEM g35 rims on it right now and sometimes they rub sometimes they don’t so yah my car is probably leaning to one side.
My power antenna no longer works (need a new mast). The motor is fine and it still ‘lowers the arena’ when you shut off the car but I kinda just wanna pull the antenna and install a new one, and plug up that hole. For a clean look.
Body is slowly rusting. It’s been stored in a garage and maybe driven in the winter 30 days max in the decade+ of me owning it. Clear coat is good but paint showing its age…superficial scratches everywhere. Couple dents but nothing major.
A relative took a look at it and he believed I need to do a head gasket job and I’m guessing it’s probably time to replace the original timing new belt too. I’ve changed the wiper arms myself and feel like I did a crappy job. Seems like there is only one speed.
I installed an after market sound system (old one I had lying around) so sometimes the clock and climate control screen go dim so I can’t read it I probably need to add a capacitor or something my amp is probably drawing too much power?
I think my exhaust is rusting into non existence. I got an old flex pipe leak patched up (car sounded like a beast!) and I dunno if these cars even have catalytic converters.
Junk yard don’t seem to have anything in canada. Parts maybe exist in southern Carolina last time I checked maybe 3 years ago. ++++++
So what’s the good? I have the original A/C blowing cold. My mechanic charged me $10 to fix it. $20 diagnostics. No check engine lights. Randoms will still ask me about the car in parking lots or sometimes roll down their windows I n traffic.
I love the car but someone convience me / guide me how to keep it going. Maybe if I could make it electric or turn it into AWD or Frankenstein it into something. I dunno. Just tell me I can keep her going for another few years

Welp. It finally happened. My rear hatch is now stuck shut and I cannot get it open. Tore the back panel apart, didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Tried yanking on the cable, did nothing. Am I gonna have to take the whole window, motor, and regulator out?
Additionally, after removing the rear panel and assembly, the rear window will no longer go up or down automatically and the key in the rear door no longer can control the window either. Anyone experience this ever?
TIA

Hello. I am not a frequent poster so please bare with me.
I am currently attending talking therapy (i think previously referred to as IAPT) for anxiety and depression. I did an initial 6 session CBT and then was referred to do longer term session of counselling (which i’m doing currently.
I (and others in my life) suspect that i have EUPD/BPD but i’m hesitant to bring this up to my therapist. from my understanding, they don’t really diagnose people in talking therapy and i’m just incredibly frightened about suggesting the possibility that i have BPD and getting dismissed/them shutting me down. I have a major desire from validation even from my therapist. So i don’t want her to think i’m self-diagnosing or for her to see me differently.
i’m not entirely sure what to do and have been constantly going back and forth between whether or not i should tell her. i’m also aware of the stigma associated with BPD in the UK but my mental health is at a point where i’m very desperate to just have someone tell me what is wrong and why i am the way i am.
i would really appreciate advice from anyone who is currently diagnosed with EUPD/BPD, has experience in talking therapy or just anyone who has advice on what they’d do in my situation.
Thank you for reading if you made it this far.

Hi!
My boyfriend (28) of 7 months is the best partner I could ask for. He is smart, funny, respectful, loving, and so much more. I am deeply in love with him and we have a wonderful relationship overall. We don't usually argue but when we do is about jealousy. Now, we don't argue using insults, raising our voices, or screaming at each other, but we shut down which eventually ruins part of the day. I will take responsibility and say that I am the one who gets jealous. There is a big reason (it's still not justifiable) why I am reaping insecurity and it is because one of his best friends keeps provoking a reaction from me in a joking manner. For example, he always jokes around that my boyfriend is with someone else. His best friend also brings my boyfriend's long-term ex up from time to time (which my boyfriend still follows on social media) and eventually says that I am better than her. The latter part is a compliment but I feel uncomfortable that his best friend brings her name up. Not long ago, I told my boyfriend that his speaking about his ex (which was on a rare basis) made me uncomfortable and he validated my feelings. My boyfriend hasn't seen much of what his best friend says but I've told him and he assures me that the behavior is unacceptable and that he loves me.
We also had a karaoke party yesterday in which I got angry with my boyfriend because after singing a breakup song, he commented, "for you, mean woman!" I left the room which people did notice and spoke to him outside but my mood completely changed. He told me that it was just something they say when they hear breakup songs. I love him and want this to work out, but I'm afraid I'm the bad one in the relationship. I have taken the first step to improve my best version and that is to go to therapy.

So I've been having hydraulic issues since I bought this jd 950 about 6 months ago I can't afford to take it to a mechanic and It's my first tractor so I've done the fluid changes which it needed badly cleaned filter and replaced the other filter rebuilt the cylinders that lift the bucket no change bought a new oem generic control valve installed it and it worked but weirdly had to control both levers in opposite directions to get bucket to lift fully but the 3pt was working before all this and when I did this oem valve it stopped working so I rebuilt old control valve and hydraulic pump finished reinstalling all of it and the bucket finally works perfectly lifts lowers tilts perfect and smooth and lifts the weight it should lift but control valve leaks at top of the left side for the left lever I put the oring on the top in the same spot as the right one and it stopped leaking for a bit but is leaking again not as bad tho and the 3 pt hitch I took that valve apart and the parts look fairly new so put it back on and realized the float lever I think it's called was half shut so I made sure its all way open now but no change then I decided to push the bucket levers back and forth while I had the 3pt lever in the rise position when I push the left lever forward to make bucket rise the 3pt starts to lift very slow when I switched the hoses to make the bucket go down pushing that lever fwd the bucket rises very slowly and falls to quick but the 3pt rises quicker like it should..... So that's been my experience with this anyone know what I need to do to fix this please let me know asap thank you today is 05/19/2024

You sat down in a car, tears flowing down your puffy cheeks. You got farther— and farther from what used to be your home. Your home, that now is a crime scene.
—
You woke up, when did you fall asleep? You sigh, before looking out the dirt covered window and taking in the new environment. You were still on the road, but you could make out a rather large building in the distance— it seemed to be at least 3 stories?
You got closer and closer to the unfamiliar building, and just for a moment, you forgot about what happened. You forgot about what had happened to your parents. You forgot about what you saw. About what you heard.
Tears began to form again— but you quickly shook your head and wiped the tears away. It’s time to start anew. You’ll be okay.
—
Finally, you were there. You were at that strange building— that you never knew existed. It was by your old school. You were ushered out of the car by the driver, and as soon as you collected your things and got out, the car sped off— leaving you alone, outside in an unfamiliar place.
You began to make your way towards the building, almost slipping on the rather muddy path countless times. Finally, you reached the entrance and knocked on the door.
.
.
.
There was no answer, so you knock again. You wait, but once again, there was no answer. You just stand there, until suddenly— you can hear footsteps coming from inside the house.
Finally, the door opened. You looked up to see who opened the door, and you see a seemingly elderly woman wearing a beautiful white gown, with a pearl necklace around her neck.
” Oh! We’ve been expecting you, deary! Come in, come in! “
She invited you into the house, and as you walked in— you immediately smelt what seems to be freshly baked cookies, yum! You look around, before setting your bag down on the dusty, wooden floor.
” Welcome to Sunny Sorrows, hun! “
The kind lady smiled at you, and finally— you notice other children running around the house. This is where you’ll be staying, you guess. It didn’t seem THAT bad.
The lady walked off, seemingly to go grab something? So, you just stood there as other kids of all ages played around you, although they were all quiet and seemed to all have various scars. Strange.
Whenever she came back, she handed you a paper that was damaged fairly bad, although you could still read what was on it.
” I’ll have Junie take you to your room, if you need me i’ll be down here! “
—
You were now sitting on a rather comfortable bed, holding a teddy bear you were given by your now dead mother. Before you began to cry again— you quickly decided to distracted yourself by grabbing that paper you were given earlier.
—
Welcome to Sunny Sorrows Orphanage! There are a .. few rules if you wanna make it out of here alive! But don’t worry, I believe in you.
1. Avoid going into the basement, nothing will get you— it’s just .. it’s dark down there and the door has a habit of locking whilst people are down there. Last time someone got locked in, we found them a little too late..
2. Don’t enter the nursery alone, especially at night. If you absolutely for some reason need to— prepare for a fun night. You won’t be leaving it anytime soon.
3. Don’t enter the bathroom past midnight, some of our guests .. aren’t very fond of children.
3a. If you ABSOLUTELY need to use the bathroom, wake up one of the caretakers.
4. As you are going up the staircase, please don’t pay attention to the fact that the stairs seem to be getting longer— and longer with each step you take. Trust me, they aren’t. You’ll be at the top soon.
5. During lunchtime or dinner, if your food begins to melt, please IMMEDIATELY throw away your plate and grab another.
6. The guests don’t seem to like noise, please try your best to be quiet, unless you don’t like your vocal cords!
7. Please behave, troublemakers get punished. You don’t wanna know what happened to poor Liam, rest in * *pieces.**
8. I understand you may want to pet the cat in the yard, but please don’t. That is not a cat, in fact— we don’t know WHAT it is.
9. You may hear scratches at your door, and people pleading for you to let them in after midnight. Please don’t open the door. Please. I don’t want to have to clean up what they will make of you.
10. There is a door at the end of the hall, it should ALWAYS be closed and locked.
10a. If you notice it is unlocked, please let one of the caretakers know. It may have gotten out.
10b. If it is wide open, RUN DOWNSTAIRS. Push the button behind the staircase and open the door. Try to get anyone you can into the room and shut it immediately. Say goodbye to anyone that didn’t make it in, you’ll have to help clean them up later.
11. Please make sure to wash your hands! Nobody wants your germs.
That is all, I hope you stay safe.
Sincerely,
Maverick

Sir Pentious was flying his airship over dreamland laughing proudly.
Sir Pentious: It’ssss time for my take over of dream-
A bomb crashed through the window and landed on the snake sinner exploding before he could react blasting him out of his air ship and onto the hard stone ground below!
King Dedede: Well well! I’m flattered you’d wanna take over my great kingdom but imma flatten you for it!
Sir Pentious: Ugh! You’re dead meat you sssssstupid penguin-
King Dedede would rush over and slam him the face with his hammer making Sir Pentious slam into a tree. Some coconuts would fall down and the snake grabbed them throwing them at the pudgy king who deflected all but one that hit him in the gut.
Escargoon: Clobber him sire show that no good slithering, sloppy, serpent what for-
A few of the Egg Boiz would grabs laser guns and shot at Escargoon who began running away in fear as he pulled out a walker talkie and began calling the Waddle Dee’s.
Escargoon: YOU STUPID WADDLES HURRY UP AND HELP YOUR KING! AHHH!
He yelled as two lasers blasted him into the King’s nearby car knocking him out.
Frank: Well that was easy.
Egg Boi: You have a name.. why don’t I-
A car then ran over the Wgg Boi next to Frank and two Waddle Dee’s were driving it. One of the Waddle Dee’s jumped out and began swinging at Frank with an umbrella before being blasted into dust by a laser gun from Frank! Another Egg Boi went over to the car and opened the throwing the Waddle out before using the car to drive around as more Waddle Dee’s and Egg Boiz entered the field.
One of the eggs and waddles began getting into a slap fight! King Dedede crushed the egg in the slap fight before throwing a large nearby rock at Sir Pentious who dodged out the way in the nick of time.
Sir Pentious: Now that could’ve been ugly!
King Dedede began rushing forward so Sir Pentious pulled out a chain he used to wrap the large king up before spinning and slamming him around the field into Waddle Dee’s crushed by the fat king being whipped around.
At this moment Bandanna Dee would run over and kick Sir Pentious in the face making him let go of the chain and giving Dedede a chance to use his raw power to break free. Bandanna Dee then used his spear to cut off one of Sir Pentious’ arms that he quickly regrew before slapping the Dee away with his tail.
Sir Pentious: Minions! Bring the canons out and fire!
The Egg Bois brought out several canons that shot out many canon ballsand King Dedede jumped into the air hitting each canon balls back into the canon they were shot out of. But one canon ball managed to catch Dedede off guard from behind and send him tumbling into the car where Escargoon happened to be knocked out.
King Dedede: Wake your lazy behind up! Keep sleeping and you’ll be sleeping with the fishes you hear me!
King Dedede punched the snail on the head waking him up before pulling in the car before mounting its canon.
Escargoon: Let’s go to town!
Escargoon began driving around running over Egg Boiz and King Dedede shot at them sometimes hitting Waddle Dee’s they were fighting.
King Dedede: I’ll double your pay if I hit ya and you survive!
Escargoon: You don’t pay us sir!
King Dedede: Shut it before I make you crack like a walnut in peanut butter factory!
King Dedede went back to shooting as Sir Pentious grabbed a canon and laughed.
Sir Pentious: AHAHA! TAKE THISSSS!
He shot the canon and at the same moment Dedede’s car canon shot. The two projectiles clashed mid air creating a massive shock wave sending everyone away in the explosion. Sir Pentious even landing back in his airship.
Sir Pentious: Oh! Wait thissss issss perfect!
He began operating his airship to turn to the army below charging up a massive beam of holy light.
King Dedede: Oh no ya don’t!
King Dedede put on his mask and brought out the electro hammer as Egg Boiz blocked his path holding various spiked maxed, guns, and lasers.
And he sent out a single missile blasting most of them.
The Waddle Dee’s picked King Dedede and Escargoon was thrown at the ship by one Waddle and it did more damage to the Snail servant than the airship!
King Dedede: HEHE I CAN ALWAYS TRUST MY WADDLES!
King Dedede used the electro hammer for one electric charged swing against several Egg Boiz that splattered them across a rock. A nearby Waddle Dee then scooped up the yolks of the fallen Egg Boiz into a pan and lit a fire.
King Dedede would then jump into a hole into the ground and come out breaking the ground inside the Dededestoryer Z mech. It towered over the battlefield and slammed into the airship damaging it.
Sir Pentious: DAMN LASER FIRE!!!!
The laser and hammer clashed inan epic blow leaving an explosion that vaporized mountains nearby. We then see King Dedede’s army fall down to his castle crash landing in it.
King Dedede: Ugggh…
Sir Pentious’ bow very burnt tie then fell on the kings head as he would lay down on his side with a wide grin!

5 months post-break up. I’ve posted in detail about this many times but in summary, my ex (29M) and I (27F) were long distance for 2.5 years. I was at the stage of sorting visas/jobs to move to him when he said he wasn’t ready to commit or be in a relationship. Really devastated me and flipped my life upside down at a critical point of my life. He breadcrumbed me hard the first couple months. I blocked him for a while. April 3rd, we started talking again and we both said our feelings were still the same and were open to the idea of seeing where things go. All of a sudden he shut down again and we stopped talking April 13.
I messaged him on April 29 and he said he doesn’t feel the same way, doesn’t love me, miss me or feel sad etc. He wants a relationship with gender roles. A full 180 in a couple of weeks. He also said he hadn’t been with anyone new. A couple of days later, his family blocked/deleted me off social media which actually really upset me and seemed so out of the blue because they were liking my posts just a couple of weeks before and I had a good relationship with them. I was so confused. Obviously, one didn’t get the memo and I saw a video they posted of my ex with his new chick at a family dinner on May 10. I think that was the worst moment of this whole breakup because there was no warning and he lied and told me he hadn’t been with anyone less than 2 weeks before. I didn’t expect it at all.
I did some digging and this girl is 21/22, still in college. He started following her mid April, right when he shut down again with me. This guy has a fear of commitment and the mind of a little boy so someone that young and inexperienced who hasn’t figured out their life yet is PERFECT for him. He’s got about 5 years to figure his shit out before she starts asking to settle down. At first I was inconsolable that he moved on that fast and forced his family to block me so I wouldn’t see. It wasn’t to protect my feelings. It was to protect his guilt and reputation. I was plagued with the thoughts of “does he say the things he said to me? Does he call her my pet names? Has he taken her to our places?” But honestly now, I think this has really helped me move on. What a LOSER! It’s actually hilariously embarrassing 😂 All the tears and intrusive thoughts about this pathetic human who doesn’t give a damn about me. I’m sorry but your feelings cannot change that quickly. You can’t say after months you still feel the same way and want to maybe try again and then 10 days later, your feelings are dead. This man has so many issues that he has not worked on so I’m sure this relationship will fizzle out as he is incapable of having a healthy one. I really was struggling with no contact but I have no desire whatsoever anymore. I’m not sure if he knows I know. But why lie? That’s the part I don’t get? You can tell me how little I mean to you, so why not say you’re seeing someone new? What is wrong with him???
Anyone have a similar experience? Do you think he’s really gotten over me or is this a distraction? He’s severely avoidant. He literally told me “I’ve been pushing down feelings my whole life, this was just another I needed to overcome”. Part of me feels he’ll reach out one day and part of me wants him to so I can laugh in his face. Anyway, I’m off to disappear into the abyss. Good luck you POS. Thanks for nothing.

So I was reminded of this from a reddit post, and while it didn't exactly match the prompt, it popped into my head and I wanted to tell it. There's a bit of lead in necessary for it.
To start with, you need to understand I am a bit of a combat sport junky. Airsoft, Sword Fighting, I've done many combat sports. This story comes from a time when I was not only a Player, but a referee in Airsoft. The second thing you need to understand is, where we were located, we were on the edge of a neighborhood, and so we frequently had kids standing across the street and watching. But lets not get ahead of things.
The story starts out on a Friday night. Fridays were generally a night we had a lot of regular players, however the players involved were some of the rare newbies that showed up. Of the 3 others, one was a kid, I don't believe he was even a teenager yet. The other two were in their early twenties. For those unfamiliar with Airsoft, you are using replica firearms that fire 6mm plastic BBs. These three had been a pain the entire night, frequently breaking rules, and being quite aggressive with younger players. One of the older Refs had already warned them they needed to quit acting up or we would throw them off the field.
Now this part comes from a third party, I did not see it myself. During the last game of the evening, several players caught one of the two adults sticking the muzzle of their rental replicas through our safety net. They took aim and fired at kids that were playing across the road. The kids ran home and all the players on the field began yelling at the adults. They promptly gathered their things, returned their rentals, and left.
Skip forward, I'm doing my evening walkthrough as we're getting ready to shut things down for the night. As I'm opening the door into the staging area, I'm met by a Police Officer. But not just standing there. He's wearing a full Vest, and he's aiming a 12 Gauge shotgun at my face. There was a moment of panic, but it passed quickly and the officer just as quickly lowered his weapon. That is when I realize there is not just 1 officer. There are 9. They are all wearing tactical gear, and carrying rifles and shotguns. It turns out, the little kids ran home to tell their parents, and the parents called it in as a shots fired incident. Thankfully, several police officers are regular patrons of our field which allowed them to realize some level of misunderstanding was taking place.
To finish up the story as simply as possible: They did get caught. They did catch charges. I don't know what charges.

The episode resumed on a shot of Zee and Jo, their skin tones back to normal, running up to a smiling Chris. "Welcome back," he told the camera. "Zee and helper Jo are the first to arrive here, at the world's largest mud puddle!" The camera pulled back, revealing that the trio was standing near the edge of a large lake of burbling mud, a measuring stick rising out of it at the nearest edge.
"It's eight feet deep," Chris explained over a close-up of the measuring stick showing the mud reaching up very nearly to the 8' mark, "and 200 yards across. And," the camera quick-panned to the far right side of the 'puddle', "since it's too thick to swim through," the shot cut back to the couple and Chris, "the only way to the other side is with one of you piggybacking the other."
"Umm...," Zee said hesitantly, sharing a wary look with Jo, "doesn't that mean the person on the bottom..."
"Will drown?" Chris finished. "Yes."
"What?!" Jo said in wide-eyed shock.
"Unless they use this garden hose!" Chris added, a light chime playing as he held up a length of green hose.
Zee let out a breath. "Okay then. Guess I'm on the bottom, then."
Jo's eyes widened a bit in a brief bit of surprise, and she looked at her partner. "I should be objecting to this since I'm supposed to be the helper, but hey. No heavy lifting from me."
"Yeah…" Zee agreed half heartedly.
Confessional: Zee
"I was able to hold Jo onto my back while we were skiing," Zee told the confessional. "I can still do the same while under mud."
Confessional Ends
"I know that I said you were weak in the past," Jo said, "but that was until I saw that you were able to make it this far in the game."
"You thought wrong about me," Zee replied. "I wasn’t active at first in challenges and finding food, but with Julia eliminated, I was able to grow and become a finalist."
Chris suddenly stepped between the two. "How touching. Now start the challenge."
The scene cut to Zee and Jo jumping into the mud, the former disappearing below its depths while the latter, on his shoulders, held up the length of the hose. They started moving forward, and the camera panned back to the left to show Harold, Scarlett, and Chris holding up another length of hose.
"Yeah, I'll be on top," Harold stated.
"Pardon me?" Scarlett countered, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't trust you not to let me drown," Harold told her. "Self-preservation comes first."
Scarlett groaned. "That's fair," she said, taking the hose from Chris, "but if you let me suffocate, I'm dragging you down into the mud with me."
"Crustal," Harold deadpanned, and as Scarlett crouched down, she jumped onto the brainiac's shoulders. Scarlett stood back up and put the end of the hose in her mouth, and she jumped into the mud.
The tense music faded away as the camera moved onto Chris, the host sighing as Chef walked up. "You think the mud was a bad idea?" Chris asked. "It's a little quiet… oh yeah," Chris said as if in sudden realization, "almost forgot about the Peanut Gallery. Bring 'em back in!" he said into a walkie talkie he only then pulled out.
Moments later, the wind kicked up around them, and the camera zoomed out to show the large helicopter flying in with the former contestants still hanging – and screaming as they swayed ominously – below it. "Would you let us down already?!" Leshawna shouted angrily. "It's freezin' up here!"
"Yeah, I want to cheer for Zee!" Julia chimed in.
"If I wasn't tied up right now, I'd have half a mind to pound you!" Duncan shouted at the host.
The camera focused on DJ. "Hey, Chris?" he looked forward and asked loudly. "Just bring us down before anybody else gets miffed at you!"
"No, and I don't care," Chris answered with a calm smile, until Chef whispered to him. A flat note played over a close-up of Chris staring blankly at him. "Huh...good point," he admitted. "Ooh!" he said with a sudden grin. "I just had an idea!"
A flash took the scene to Zee and Jo, the tense challenge music resuming at a low volume and slow pace in the background. They were still slogging through the mud, Zee out of sight but Jo only submerged up to her stomach. She looked back over her shoulder, smiled, then said "Keep going!" into the piece of hose she was holding. "They're way far behind!"
Confessional: Zee
"So as it turns out," Zee said, "being submerged in the mud is kinda like being trapped in the dark. But there aren't any animals below to scare me."
Confessional Ends
The music ramped up as Jo suddenly stopped moving, then seemed to turn around and start moving back towards the start. "Uh, Fruit Loop?" she asked into the hose. "We're going the wrong way!"
The camera cut to Harold, looking somewhat bored as he held the hose atop Scarlett's shoulders, before noticing the other team and frowning. "Why are they coming this way?"
"Ugh! They're too safe to sabotage each other!" came the sudden voice of Chris McLean, the camera cutting to him standing in the show's jeep with Chef at the wheel, speaking into the microphone of the jeep's loudspeaker. "Deploy the 2.0 model!"
The shot cut back to Harold and Jo as they looked around with strange expressions, the sound of something like a rocket taking off coming from somewhere in the distance. They looked up and to the left, and the camera shifted to their viewpoint to show a large object shooting up through the sky overhead...
...then abruptly diving towards them, revealing itself as a red-eyed robotic bear with small jet engines coming out of its back. Harold and Jo screamed as their respective partners continued in their previous directions, getting out of the way as the Bear landed in the mud. It hit with enough force to cause a wave of mud, which shot all the way across the puddle carrying the finalists and their helpers along for the ride. All four immediately began to cough upon landing in a muddy heap.
Confessional: Harold
"At least I have a better shot," Harold said. "We're tied right now, but who knows what other tricks Chris has up his sleeves."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of the nozzle of a fire hose in Chef's hands preceded him blasting the muddy finalists and helpers with water, all four screaming where they'd landed on the shore of the 'puddle'. Moments later, the water was shut off, leaving them drenched but clean.
"We're all tied up," Chris announced with a smile. "Perfect time for a little break. First, let's bring in the Peanut Gallery again." He took out his remote and pointed it at a patch of ground nearby, a hole opening up in it and a rather shoddy-looking set of stadium seats shooting up out of it with the ten former contestants seated – and still tied-up – in it.
"Sha-finally," Lightning said, the shot cutting to him sitting in the top row with B, DJ, Duncan, and Max and Leshawna, Ella, Julia, Sammy, and Amy in the bottom row. "Are we gonna get to watch the rest of the challenge now?"
"Yup!" Chris answered with a happy smile, pressing the button on his remote again so that a large widescreen television emerged from another hole in the ground near him and the finalists.
"Will you untie us too?" Ella chimed in.
Chris huffed. "Whine, whine, whine," he said in annoyance. "Don't I do enough for you kids as it is?"
"No," all fourteen of the season's cast members replied at the same time.
A flat note played over a close-up of the host pursing his lips. "Yeah, I owe Chef twenty bucks about that," Chris said, the camera zooming back out again to show the finalists and helpers. "Everyone, grab a seat," he instructed, and the four reluctantly sat down on the logs lying behind them. "I'm gonna show you some of my favorite clips from the show..." He pointed his remote at the TV, and the shot focused in as it switched on and started to play footage of a confessional...
"Dunderhead was already pretty useless," Jo complained. "But now he's making moves on one of the actually decent players on the team? Not on my watch!"
The camera cut in close to show Jo pausing and looking back. "Something on your mind, Anti-Squeakerbox?" she asked, the camera shifting to show B peering at her and shaking his head.
“It's not what you think it is," Jo told him. "As long as they are on this team, Julia and Zee will not date."
“Not exactly how I wanted the elimination to play, but hey. Julia’s gone and with Zee still in the game, I could manipulate him into doing whatever I say,” Jo grinned.
The footage paused, and Chris leaned out in front of the television with a wide and mischievous grin. "Seems like there isn't a shipper on deck…" he said impishly.
"So you were trying to keep me and Julia apart?" Zee said as the camera moved to him and Jo, his eyes wide with shock. "Does this mean that...,"
"Yup. I convinced Julia to quit," Jo replied. "I didn't expect her to fully go through with it since I was gonna vote you out!"
"I can't believe you'd try and do that!" Zee said with a glare!"
"If I didn't do what I did, then you two likely would've blown challenges for us like the dueling one!" Jo argued back.
The camera focused on Julia in the Peanut Gallery. "I was trying to defend my boyfriend, but sure," she said dryly.
"I'm just worried what Chris is gonna show from Scarlett," Sammy said. "It looks like he wants to mess up the finalists and their helpers..."
"Maybe he won't show anything?" Amy suggested. "I mean, it's not like Scarlett and Harold were that close to begin with."
The shot cut back to a smiling Chris. "Oh, don't worry, I have no intention of leaving those guys out of all this fun," he said happily.
"I don't see how," Scarlett said. "Harold already knows everything about me now. I’m practically an open book."
Chris laughed. "Seems you forgot that the cameras are always on. So here's some more juicy information that everybody gets to hear." The screen on the TV went from static to a scene from the fifth episode.
Scarlett herself grabbed the dueling stick Ella retrieved, fished an electric eel out of the water, and tossed it to Max. "Max!" she cried, and her teammates looked at her in confusion, prompting her to pretend that she had coughed. "Pardon me!"
“The plan was for Max to be the only one not in the trap, so the team would know he built it and vote him off!” Scarlett confessed.
"I overheard Leshawna and Harold's conversation when they were foraging together, and Leshawna being on to me is something that I refuse to let happen," Scarlett claimed. “Zee's really gullible enough to deceive, and I'll try to talk to Ella.”
A deep, dramatic note was struck over a shot of Harold in shock. "So it was you who got Leshawna eliminated!" he scowled in Scarlett's direction.
"I wasn't ready to come out just yet, and between the two of you, you were less likely to warn anyone about me!" Scarlett retorted.
"So all this time, Scarlett was aiming to usurp her master!" Max ranted.
"I don't blame her," Leshawna commented. “As much of a pain as she is, I would've done the same thing and sent your annoying behind home.”
"Okay," Chris said happily as the shot moved onto him, "I'm sensing some major hostility and I'm liking it. I'm out of popcorn, though, so we should probably get back to the challenge."
"Seriously?!" the finalists and helpers alike exclaimed.
"Obviously, the helpers aren't gonna be very helpful anymore," Chris replied. "So, instead of helpers, Jo and Scarlett will now be hinderers." As he spoke, Chef walked back into view with a pair of video game controllers, tossing one each to Scarlett and Jo. "The island is now back online," Chris continued, "and, with these controllers, they will be able to throw up obstacles to throw you down, or, completely crush you."
The shot cut to Scarlett as she looked at her controller and smirked. "Good to know."
"Looking forward to it," Jo said in determination.
Harold and Zee gulped, and Chris laughed. "That was the good part," he said. "Let me tell you the bad part. You have ten minutes to finish this challenge," he told Zee and Harold. "If neither of you do, Scarlett and Jo get to split the money."
"Dude, what?" Zee said in shock.
"You can't do that!" Harold protested.
"I can! I will! I am! GO!" Chris announced, blowing his airhorn right in Chef's face, earning an annoyed sigh from the man. Harold and Zee immediately ran off, but the camera cut to a close-up of a thoughtful Jo.
"Well...I want the money, but I'm not really comfortable with how this is set up," Jo said to herself. "But...I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just made this a little more challenging for them..."
"Do what you want," Scarlett said, the camera panning over to show her grinning darkly with her controller in hand. "I'm getting my justice."
Confessional: Jo
“And I thought I was an underhanded person,” Jo mentioned to herself. “Velma has less morals than me and Gnome Master.”
Confessional: Scarlett
"I was snubbed in the last episode," Scarlett confessed. "And now that I've been given permission, I can stop the finalists from winning without getting electrocuted!" She pulled out the remote from the seventh episode. "I don't even need this device. I have a controller to do the job for it."
Confessionals End
A few quick drum taps opened up a deep and dangerous challenge theme, the scene returning to Zee and Harold sprinting across the open field only to gape in shock as the pine trees in the background starting launching like rockets.
"What the heck?" Harold said. "Rocket trees?"
One landed right behind them, forcing both finalists to roll forward out of the way. "This island is wild!" Zee cried as the two continued running, more and more trees landing behind them like massive spears.
The two were shown together in a brief close-up, raising their eyebrows in surprise. A quick-pan ahead revealed the landscape changing, trees and rock formations rising up out of the artificial ground to form a large, dense barrier.
Harold jumped ahead of Zee as they climbed over the first big rock formation.
Zee vaulted downward and dashing forward along a lower 'path' among the rocks. Just as he was about to jump down onto grass, however, a boulder shot upward – and he landed on it groin-first. A close-up showed him letting out a high-pitched squeal of pain.
Harold's wince drew the camera's attention back upward to show him leaping from a boulder and grabbing onto the branch of a tree, only for the tree to suddenly shoot back down into the ground – causing him to yell as it dragged him down and slammed him back-first onto a fallen log.
Zee gave him a quick concerned glance as he jumped onto the same log, then upwards onto a rock formation before climbing onward and to the right and out of sight.
The scene cut back to the hinderers, both still working their controllers with Scarlett still looking considerably happier about it. "No need to change what works," Jo said uncertainty.
"What happened to that cutthroat attitude you've been displaying?" Scarlett asked. "Don't throw it away when I can get something out of it. And lower some of those trees. They're giving them too much cover from this storm I'm whipping up."
The camera panned onto the monitor to show Zee and Harold struggling against a powerful wind as they walked through what looked like a dense forest as leaves, dust, branches, and various small woodland animals blew past them.
A focus on the monitor's screen transitioned the scene back to the challenge. "I think...I can see the finish line in the distance," Zee said, pausing for a moment as he struggled against the intense gale.
"They're not making this easy on us," Harold commented.
The pair briefly passed behind a thick and mossy pine tree, the camera zooming in slightly as they reappeared. "Would you?" Zee asked.
"...I guess not," Harold answered after a moment.
The shot cut back to the Peanut Gallery to show them watching with worry and anticipation. "C'mon, Harold," Leshawna spoke. "Just hang in there."
"I know you can win this, Zee," Julia said. "You deserve it after everything."
Then the camera cut back to the hinderers, Chris standing next to their monitor with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. "Ooh! They're getting close!" he said excitedly, prompting Scarlett to scowl and Jo to frown.
Once more the scene moved back to the finalists, their arms raised to buffer themselves against the winds – snow beginning to fall and lightning beginning to crack in the background - with Harold in the lead. "Two minutes left!" Chris called out over the island's loudspeaker. "Two minutes!"
"I...," Harold said with glee. "I think I can make it!"
"Not if I can help it!" Zee shouted, speeding up as the dense trees around him and Harold began to recede into the ground – and the tense and dangerous challenge music resumed. "If I win, me and Julia can go out and change the world together."
"I have to win this," Harold told him. "I've been undervalued and looked down on by my peers, friends, and even my family. I need to prove my might."
The snowy ground below their feet began to crack. A hollow sound played, then all at once, the ground shot up under them, earning startled yells from both. The shot soon cut to the new peak they were standing on rising up into the sky, then stopping.
"Drats..." Zee muttered, both finalists looking down with wide eyes. his final word echoed as the camera zoomed out, revealing the snowy mountain they were now at the top of.
The Peanut Gallery was shown gasping, as were Jo, though Scarlett was smiling as their misfortune. "Twenty seconds left...!" Chris said as the camera moved on to him looking at his watch.
The shot cut back to Harold. "I guess it's over," he sighed. “Scarlett wins after all.”
Zee noticed a bulge in the snow beside him. The boy shoved his hand into it and pulled out the phone Duncan stole from Chris. "I don't know how this got here, but we have to get down. Start stomping the ground."
Harold nodded and stomped on the ground at his feet, and after a few cracks, Zee hurled the phone down, breaking the device apart. Their eyes widened as the mountain began to crumble under them, and the ground imploded in on itself.
"Six! Five!" Chris began to count off, the music cutting out save for a single plodding note to highlight each number. "Four!" The camera panned onto the television, showing both finalists tumbling through the snow and rock. "Three! Two! One!" The shot cut to the finish banner, then zoomed out to show the avalanche stopping just under it – with neither finalist in sight. "GAME OVER!" he announced, blowing on his airhorn as a subdued but triumphant riff played.
Jo stood up in surprise, and Scarlett started cheering.
"My mission was a success!" Scarlett said in victory. “Now hand over my well-deserved prize!”
"Congratulations Jo and Scarlett," Chris said with his usual smile. "Revenge is sweetest-" he glanced at the monitor- "ohhhhh, what have we here?" he said with a sudden look of shock, the music cutting out as he pointed at the television screen.
A sharp note played as a familiar hand stuck out of the snow lying just past the finish line and waved. Scarlett's jaw dropped in shock, and Jo let out a sigh of relief.
The scene cut to the finish line, the camera pulling back a little ways as Chef walked up with a stretcher, dressed as a female nurse. Leshawna ran onscreen and pushed him out of the way. Chef flew off frame with a shout, and Leshawna grabbed the arm and pulled, freeing a shocked and snowy Harold from the aftermath of the avalanche. "Oh," he groaned, looking around as Leshawna dropped him on the stretcher, "what happened?" he asked as the victorious music began to play again with much more enthusiasm.
"You won, Ginger Baby!" Leshawna answered with a smile, the camera pulling out even more to show Harold looking back at the finish banner.
"I did it!" Harold said excitedly. "Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V has claimed victory! Boo yah!" he raised his arms and cheered, the shot cutting away to show all of the Peanut Gallery cheering.
“We weren't able to talk to each other as much, and it's clear we like each other as more than just friends, but how about we hang out a little bit back home and see where things go?” Leshawna suggested.
“As long as we don't rush into a committed relationship, I'd like that,” Harold smiled back.
The camera panned to the left to show Julia frantically pulling a dazed and half-conscious Zee from the rest of the avalanche, and picking him up onto her back.
"Julia," Zee said weakly, "I'm sorry that I-"
"Be quiet," Julia said with a weak smile as she carried her boyfriend over to the stretcher and set him down next to Harold. "You need to rest."
"But-" Zee tried to say.
He was cut off by Julia grabbing his head and kissing him full on the lips. "You didn’t win the money, but we can still provide for the world in our own ways, and with the power of love," she said with a smile as she broke the kiss, leaving Zee looking dopey.
The capstone theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the open sky, the double-rotored helicopter soon flying up into view. "That's it for this very, very off season," Chris began, standing in the open doorway with Zee and Julia sitting on the edge letting their legs dangle freely with Julia leaning into Zee; Harold and Scarlett standing on either side of Chris, the latter annoyed and the former grinning while holding the suitcase full of money to his chest; and the rest of the cast, crouching down and peering over in the gaps between and behind the rest, constantly jockeying for position as they tried to get one last shot of themselves on camera.
"This is Chris McLean, saying if you can't stand the pain-" the handsome host continued, the shot cutting in closer- "stay off the Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"
"RE-VENGE!" Max suddenly yelled from behind Scarlett, shoving her out of the helicopter, and the brainiac screamed as she fell.
The camera lingered on the dumbfounded looks of Chris and the other ex-campers, all of them staring at Max in shock. "This is how a traitor should be rewarded," he said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes defiantly.
The ex-campers and host burst out laughing, and a fun and energetic tune started to play. The camera panned over to the windshield to show Chef laughing along with the rest of the cast from the pilot's seat, and the helicopter flew away.
The music soon faded away, though, and the scene quick-panned down to show a screaming Scarlett landing in the giant mud puddle. She quickly surfaced with a shocked splutter, and pulled herself out onto dry land. "How am I going to get home now because of those imbeciles?!"
A few ominous notes were struck, and a ferocious growl caught Scarlett's attention. She looked up, and the camera zoomed out to show Scuba Bear 2.0 standing over her, eyes red. "Heheh," the brainiac laughed nervously. "You're not going to hurt me are you?"
The scene abruptly cut outward to the full long-distance shot of the island, the ominous music ending as Scarlett's scream and Scuba Bear's snarl echoed across the lake.
(Roll the Credits)
Lightning - 14th
DJ - 13th
Amy - 12th
B - 11th
Julia - 10th
Max - 9th
Leshawna - 8th
MERGE
Jo - 7th
Duncan - 6th
Ella - 5th
Sammy - 4th
Scarlett - 3rd
Zee - 2nd
Harold - 1st

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans, as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
[ First / Previous ]

Boys: Harold, Zee
Episode 13: Lies, Cries, and One Big Prize
"Previously, on Total Drama. Zee, Scarlett, and Harold created their own challenges!"
"Zee went with balancing, which bit big time for Scarlett and gave Harold the shock of his life."
"Harold's treetop race was more entertaining than a sawing monkey. Surprisingly, Scarlett won the challenge, and Harold fell from grace and the trees."
"So, it all came down to Scarlett's challenge: a trivia challenge about the former competitors. Zee didn't have too good a start, but quickly earned himself a spot in the finale."
"It all came down to a final question, and one that Scarlett ironically got wrong. Bye-bye!"
The montage ended with a flash, showing a close-up of Chris in front of a bare rock wall. "Down to two from three," he said, holding up three fingers but lowering one of them, "cause now we're Scarlett-free. But," he lowered another finger, "it'll still be neat to see who gets beat," he punched his open palm. "So! Grab a seat. There's one million bucks on the line," the shot cut to a robotic arm lifting up the open suitcase full of prize money against a radiant orange-and-gold background. "Iiiiiit's finale time!" Chris said as the shot cut back to him.
"On Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"
(Theme Song)
A deep note played as the episode opened on the bunker, the sky dark and the crickets chirping. A deep sigh issued forth from it, and the camera soon cut inside to show Harold tossing and turning in his bed. He got up and grabbed a pillow from the bed above him and closed his eyes with a smile, only to open them and sigh again.
Confessional: Harold
"It's no use," Harold sighed in the confessional. "I just can't get to sleep. I'm too anxious about tomorrow. I don't know if Zee is having the same trouble as I am..."
“It’d be cool if I win the last challenge. Just think about how much better my life would be. No more wedgies, wet willies, and toilet face plunges, my peers would respect me more as a million dollar winner, and I can invest the money in a way that’ll make me more than the show has to afford.”
Confessional Ends
The static cut away to show Harold turning his back to the camera with another sigh, then the shot cut to the inside of the barn to show Zee sleeping peacefully and snoring rather loudly.
Confessional: Zee
"This is a high stress situation, but I’m able to get some rest in order to ease it," Zee explained. "Even if it’s a million dollar competition against Harold."
Confessional Ends
An angelic sound played as the shot returned to a close-up of Harold, his eyes blinking blearily to sleep as the light of dawn streamed in through a window high on the wall above him.
Just as he and the music seemed to reach a peaceful rest, the wail of an airhorn pierced the walls and forced Harold back into wakefulness, his eyes snapping open wide and bloodshot. "Harold and Zee," Chris announced over the camp loudspeakers, the screen splitting in two with a shot of the good vibe guy blearily waking up sliding in on the left. "Meeting area, now!"
The scene flashed to Zee and Harold standing before Chris in the open meeting area. "Yes! Today, I fire one of you from a cannon," he greeted excitedly. "And then start my vacation."
"Plus you'll hand one of us a million dollars," Harold added with a grin.
"I haven't forgotten, dude," Chris said in annoyance. "I'm just focusing on the parts that bring me the most joy. Okay?"
"What's the challenge?" Zee asked. "Is it physical or have you decided on something else?"
Harold grinned. "Total Drama finales are always physical," he said. "And while I am classified as a brain, I'm afraid I have more fighting skills than you."
"Don't get too overconfident just yet," Zee warned. "I might surprise you."
"If I may continue?" Chris interrupted, his annoyed expression soon dropping. "Your final challenge is so demanding, the lawyers insisted each of you get a helper. Ehh," he shrugged, "it's not a horrible idea. I mean," the shot cut to the finalists as they watched him, "maybe they'll be able to help us find your bodies!" Zee and Harold shared a brief but wary look. "So, which of the past contestants would you like as a helper?" Chris asked, stepping over to them.
Confessional: Zee
"I'd prefer Julia," Zee told the outhouse camera. "She's really rad, and we work well together. But I wouldn't be too upset over having anybody else as a helper. Well, except for Scarlett."
Confessional: Harold
"It's no surprise that I'd prefer Leshawna over anyone else," Harold confessed. "She can handle her own battles and objectively speaking, she is the most physically attractive girl this season. I just wish that we were able to talk to each other before she left."
Confessionals End
"I choose Leshawna," Harold said with a smile as the static cut away and a triumphant tune played...for a few brief moments.
Chris chuckled. "'Choose'?" he repeated, laughing again. "Nooo, no no no no no no no...," he told the finalists.
"But you just asked us-," Zee pointed out in confusion.
"I know," Chris conceded, "I asked you who you wanted, I did that to be mean." He laughed again as the sound of squeaky wheels approached. "Your helpers-" the camera pulled back to show Chef pushing a large widescreen monitor up to the host on a cart- "will be selected thusly! When you press this button," he held up a remote control with a single red button on it, "the possible helpers will flash across the screen." A game show jingle played as the shot cut to the monitor, now showing the portraits of the eliminated contestants rolling down across the screen as if on a reel. "Whoever's face it stops on, is your helper."
The reel stopped on an image of Scarlett after drinking Juggy Chunks. "What happens if we land on someone we don't want?" Harold asked.
"You each get one chance to pass and spin again," Chris answered with a wide grin as the sound of a helicopter grew louder. "And just to make things even more interesting," he added, growing more and more giddy with each moment, "I've brought all the helpers out to watch!"
"RELEASE ME, YOU CRETIN! I DEMAND IT!" shouted a familiar voice.
Harold and Zee gasped as the music spiked, and the shot cut to the same dual-rotor military helicopter that Chris and Chef had taken shelter in during the island's malfunctioning as it flew in overhead.
Then the camera panned downward to show the twelve eliminated campers dangling under it tied up in ropes – Max on the far left, then Amy, Sammy, Duncan, Ella, B, Lightning, Scarlett, Julia, DJ, Leshawna, and finally Jo on the far right.
"What's the big idea, McLean?!" Jo shouted hatefully, the shot cutting in close to her and Leshawna.
"Yeah," Leshawna chimed in, "why do I gotta be hanging next to her!" The two girls locked eyes and glared.
"I don't think that's the issue here..." DJ said, the camera panning onto him.
"I personally don't mind being tied up like this," Julia said in a positive tone, the camera pulling back to show her smiling. "I'm just happy to see my boyfriend in the finale."
"I didn't even want to show up, but I would appreciate it if I was actually seated," Scarlett said in a grumpy tone.
"Sha-yeah!" Lightning agreed as the camera panned onto him. "Chris, these ropes might cause Lightning some bruising. Can we get them loosened a bit?"
Scarlett gave Lightning an incredulous look. "You do realize that if the ropes are loosened, you'll fall?"
"Lightning will just get back up again," Lightning told her obliviously.
The camera cut back to B. It lingered on him for a few moments as he awkwardly looked from side to side, then directly at the camera as he smiled coolly.
"Despite this drastic situation we're in," Ella sang after the song panned to her, "I still want either Zee or Harold to win~!"
Another pan to the left showed Duncan watching her. "My money's on Harold," he said, shrugging.
“And how come?” Ella asked.
"Zee's cool and all, but I just know the dork better," Duncan answered.
"Really?" Geoff asked, raising a eyebrow in disbelief. "Are the shows in Jersey really that terrible to watch?"
"They are if ya don't have tickets!" Anne Maria answered happily.
Yet another pan put the focus on Amy and Sammy. "Are you still not going to apologize for how you've treated me ever since we were little?" Sammy asked.
"And why should I?" Amy replied in slight irritation.
"Because I put you in your place and pointed out your own flaws," Sammy explained. “The least you can do is be humble a bit.”
"You may have gotten further than me, but you still didn’t win the season," Amy bragged. “You're a bowl of mush, and I'm a parfait, which is French for perfect.”
“So what's French for bossy blonde cow?” Sammy taunted with a smirk. “I know! Vache blonde autoritaire!”
"You are so going to get it," Amy growled.
The camera pulled back to show Max clenching his eyes shut in pain. "Would you two identical ladies cease that annoying racket?!" he finally yelled with another force to startle Amy and Sammy into looking at him. "Thank y-" he began to say plainly before Amy smacked him in the head. "Hey!" he said, cringing at the hit.
"Okay," Chris said, the music turning slow and plodding as the camera cut back to him, Zee and Harold. "Now that the Peanut Gallery has had a chance to reintroduce themselves, let's move on."
"Whoa, hold on a minute," Zee held up a hand to interrupt. "Why? How? When?"
"Uh, you're gonna have to be a little more specific there," Chris told him, raising an eyebrow.
"He means why are they all tied up?" Harold translated.
Chris let out a long, irritated sigh. "Fine," he said. "I'm keeping them tied up and in plain sight so we don't have them float towards the sun, okay?"
"No," Harold said bluntly.
"Not really," Zee replied.
"Whatever," Chris told them, his brow creased in annoyance. His expression then changed into a smile. "Who goes first will be decided by a coin toss," he explained, taking out a coin and flipping it towards the campers.
It hit Zee in the eye. He yelped in pain, rubbing where he'd been hit.
"Zee wins!" Chris happily announced. "Let's see who you get," he said as the game show jingled played again.
The shot cut to a close-up of the monitor as the portraits began to scroll past, Zee uttering a series of grunts as she watched off-screen – some hopeful, some annoyed. "Okay, stop," he said after a few seconds, the camera moving to him as he pressed the button on his remote.
The simulated reel stopped on Jo. "Not who I wanted at all," Zee said in disappointment as a triumphant jingle played, "but I got what I got and I'm not gonna throw a fit."
"Harold," Chris said, the camera moving back to the finalists as the dweeb pursed his lips, "you're up."
The game show jingle played, and the portraits started flashing across the monitor again – until they stopped on Scarlett. "No..." Harold groaned.
Confessional: Harold
"I knew the odds of getting Leshawna were slim," Harold confessed. "But I want a helper who would actually assist me."
Confessional Ends
An odd note played as the shot cut back to Zee, Harold, and Chris, the latter two sharing a look. "I'd like to spin again," Harold said.
"Have at it," Chris replied, the shot briefly cutting to the pictures flashing across the monitor again.
Harold pressed the button, and sagged in defeat – and the camera cut to the monitor to show that it had landed on Scarlett again. The camera moved in front of Chris as he gave her a mischievous look. "Scarlett again?" he asked in fake shock. "What are the odds?"
The camera pulled back as Chris turned to the right and nodded at Chef, who returned the gesture and walked away. "Okay, looks like Zee gets Jo and Harold gets Scarlett," Chris said, nodding toward the helicopter. The ropes tied around the two chosen helpers abruptly came loose, causing both to fall, but while Scarlett landed in an awkward flop, Jo simply tucked her legs in and rolled as a light but triumphant tune played.
She got back onto her feet just as Zee walked up to her. "Hey Jo. I know we haven't gotten along-" Zee said.
"-but since we're partners, we're gonna have to try and tolerate each other," Jo replied. "Yeah, I know."
Confessional: Jo
"I'm not in the game any more, which still sucks," Jo explained. "But Chill Pill managed to subvert my expectations. He lasted longer than I thought he would have. And if I have to work with him, then so be it."
Confessional Ends
The camera panned to the right as Scarlett snorted and stood up. "I strongly refuse to partake in this," she said, the shot cutting in close as she brushed the dirt off her shirt then turned around.
She took a step, and walked right into Chef, who snickered and locked a thick metal collar around the quiet brainiac's neck.
"Let me guess. You're going to shock me if I don't play along, right?" Scarlett asked in annoyance as she tugged at the collar.
"You'd think that," Chris said with a mischievous smile, "but this is actually something different. In case you somehow ended up as one of the helpers, I had a special collar made that'll tranquilize you if you don't play along," he finished with a smug look.
Scarlett groaned in annoyance. "Fine."
"Hey, as long as you don't just bail, I'm cool," Chris told him.
"I'm not," Harold interrupted with an angry look.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Unless I want a voltage surprise like the ones I received in episode four," Scarlett told the confessional camera with disgust, idly tugging at the collar around her neck, "I'll help Harold with his goal of winning the one million dollars. That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."
Confessional: Chris
"Am I full of good ideas or what?" Chris chuckled in the outhouse camera.
Confessionals End
"So," Chris said, the static cutting away to show him walking towards the two pairs. "Reunion's over? Good! It's time for your final challenge. I have endearingly titled it, 'The Double Duo of Deadly Dying Death'!" A dramatic spike in the music, reverberated voice, and zoomed-in and angled shot all combined to make the revealing of the title particularly dramatic.
"That sounds dangerous...," Zee said worryingly.
"It's supposed to be dangerous, Dodo Brain," Jo groaned.
Confessional: Zee
"Now I'm wishing I did use my second chance like Harold did," Zee confessed.
Confessional Ends
"Now since Blaineley snuck back onto the island and changed it completely by wreaking havoc in the secret underground control room..." Chris began to explain.
"Umm, hold on," came the voice of Julia, the camera panning back up to the still-loitering helicopter. "What did you just say?" she asked in confusion.
"Wait, you didn't know that?" Duncan asked. "I knew I was forgetting something."
"Host!" Max interrupted, drawing the focus to the other end of the line. "I demand you explain this!"
"No," Chris replied in a deadpan tone. "As I was saying," he continued, putting his bland smile back on as the background music became deep and tense, "we've yet to explore all the wonderful and bizarre new dangers the island's new landscape has to offer. Until now. Harold and Zee," the shot cut back to the two pairs, "with assistance from your helpers-" Zee and Jo shared a frown while Harold and Scarlett shared a glare - "you will race across the island. First one to cross the finish line will receive," Chris turned to the side and grabbed the prized suitcase from Chef, the music building up grandly as he opened it to reveal its glowing contents, "One! Millions! Dol-lars!"
All four teens started cheering.
"All you have to do is survive a 2000-foot plummet from an ice cliff," Chris joyously explained, the camera cutting to the slender peak of a snowy mountain before quick-panning away, "successfully learn to breathe while submerged in mud," the camera panned across a bubbling lake of mud before quick-panning away again, "and then sprint two miles across a wide-open field where," the shot now panned across a seemingly ordinary and empty field, "I'm absolutely sure no harm will come to you."
The shot cut back to the cast as Chris began to laugh raucously for an extended period of time. "The point I'm making," Chris said once he'd finally finished, "is that there's a decent chance you may not survive this."
Both finalists and helpers groaned warily. Then they were each tossed an orange helmet.
"For the first part of the challenge," Chris explained, "the lawyers insisted you wear helmets to protect your brains." The shot cut to him and Chef. "I mean who knows. Someday, you may start using them." The roar of the nearby helicopter suddenly increased, the added wind whipping up a cloud of dust around the men. "When you get to the top of the mountain, it'd be a good idea to build a bobsled," Chris instructed, "or, it'll be a very rough ride down!"
The show's smaller red helicopter was shown flying over, the larger military one flying away with the rest of the former campers still attached. "Grab a rope!" Chris said, the camera panning down the four ropes hanging from the helicopter to show them dangling just above the finalists and helpers. "Your challenge begins...NOW!"
The four grabbed the ropes in front of them, and to a sudden bit of challenge music and a blast of the host's airhorn, the helicopter flew off dragging the startled teens along with it.
"Good luck! Stay safe!" Chris called out after them. "Are things I'd say, if I cared!"
The footage flashed ahead to the top of the snowy peak, several boxes and barrels of various junk – including what looked like several sets of skis – already waiting at the top. The small helicopter arrived momentarily, and the shot cut to its four passengers landing in the show – Jo and Zee on the left, Scarlett and Harold on the right.
"We're supposed to build a bobsled out of this junk?" Jo asked in disbelief.
"No," Zee corrected as he grabbed a pair of skis, "Chris just said it would be a good idea." He tossed the skis onto the ground and stepped on them, a tense challenge tune playing in the background. "I have a different one, so hop on."
The shot cut to a close-up of Jo grinning, then to her jumping onto the skis behind Zee. "Let's do this!" she said as they began to slide forward down the slope and left the scene.
The camera panned onto Scarlett, holding a pair of skis of her own. "We should get moving!"
"What's to stop me from believing that you won't shove me off the skis?" Harold asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
"I have this wretched collar on. Shoving you is the last thing I want to do. Now get on!" Scarlett told him angrily.
"Fine," Harold said, rolling his eyes and walking over to where Scarlett was already waiting on the skis and got ahead of her. The challenge music rose up again as they leaned forward, and started to slide.
The shot cut to Zee and Jo looking back over their shoulders with grins on their faces. They promptly skied through a tall mogul, slowing them down a little and covering Zee's eyes in snow. "I can't see!" he shouted, clawing at the packed snow as they began to swerve.
"Quick, to the left!" Jo shouted, one hand around Zee's waist and one point ahead of them as they swerved away from the camera around another mound of snow. "Now right!" Jo directed, the two swerving back towards the foreground. "Left!" She shouted, but they just sped through another mogul earning a scream from the jock-ette.
Confessional: Jo
Jo was blue from the cold and shivering heavily.
Confessional Ends
"Well isn't that the best thing that's happened today!" Scarlett taunted as the scene cut back to her and Harold.
"Yeah, well, we're gonna be next if we don't keep dodging these things," Harold pointed out as they began to swerve around the moguls as well. "And I want to try and get ahead of them while we can."
The music ramped up dangerously as the dweeb and brainiac slid towards another mogul. "Left!" Harold shouted.
"No, right!" Scarlett replied, the two leaning to the opposite direction, swerving nowhere, and plowing right through the mound. "Aagh!"
"Scarlett!" Harold growled as they started swerving wildly, snow covering both their eyes. They clipped the side of another mogul, sending themselves into a screaming spin, hit a third mogul, and came out tumbling end over end.
The shot cut to the bottom of the slope, the music leveling off as what looked like a mogul on skis slid down. The camera zoomed in as two patches of snow fell away to reveal Zee and Jo inside, the two moaning and blue in the face. "Zee, we need to move," Jo weakly told her partner, "before-"
A massive snowball suddenly ran them over, breaking the snow but leaving the good vibe guy and jock-ette lying in a puddle of melting snow. A crash was heard off-screen, but the camera lingered in place as Jo groaned and stood up. "Let's go," Jo told her partner. "You're still in this..."
"...yeah," Zee said as he caught his breath. "Yeah!" he said, more energetically this time. "I've got this!" he declared before charging forward, the shot cutting to Jo as she smirked softly then raced after her partner.
The camera followed them along for a few seconds until they reached a heap of snow, skis, and dazed-looking teens, which the shot immediately focused on. "What happened?" Harold shot at his partner, the dweeb lying upside-down half-trapped in the snow. "I told you to go left!"
"And I told you to go right!" Scarlett countered, her head sticking out the right way up but her legs sticking out over it.
"Yes, but I'm the one in charge!" Harold replied. "You're supposed to be helping me!"
"I was steering!" Scarlett said before the snow holding her up crumbled away, causing her to fall over with a startled gasp.
Harold sighed in aggravation before a small pile of melting snow collapsed onto his face.
The scene cut away to show Chris and Chef sitting in lawn chairs eating popcorn as they watched the challenge feed, the host promptly pausing it with a beep and looking at the camera. "This finale's out of control!" he said excitedly as the capstone theme began to play. "Zee and Jo got run over! Harold and Scarlett can't stop arguing! And all of them just plowed through like a ton of snow!"
"Stay tuned, "he continued, the shot moving away but the host quickly popping back up in front of it. "Someone is leaving here a millionaire. It's the finale of Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"
(Commercial Break)

3 years ago in 2021 , I picked up and took my first ever pills of estradiol. There was a lot of emotions going on In me at that time, a lot of happiness and a lot of fear, A lot of worries and a lot of doubts, A lot of impatience and a lot of learning. All from that single Blue pill.
Words cannot even describe how excited I was on that day. In 2021 when I first got my first bottle, I was over the moon and I was telling everyone about it. I told my girlfriend at the time, I told some close friends, I even told my dog after I took the pills, whispering it in his ears. All around that day was one of if not the best days of my life. I remember playing all of my favorite songs all day long and finally saying " This is it, this is The moment in my life where I change everything".
And it did but not in the way that I planned. Don't worry, not a horrible bunch happened but some things did happen. Of course, one of the many things I had to get used to was the new emotions as being a male, I was able to pretty much shut down my emotions for a large amount of time and basically stuff them in a random area. But when I tell you after that I would cry at the smallest things, and then the part I didn't expect for that happened. Instead of my mom comforting me and understanding, scrutinized me and told me that I couldn't be a real woman because I was crying too much, She got angry at me because I wanted to go home after it was too much from an argument I had with my grandfather at the time and emotions were running everywhere and I just couldn't take it. For the first time in my life I broke down uncontrollably in front of a boss, something I would never do, I would have waited until I gotten home but then I realized that since I was on the hormones and the fight was pretty intense/ words were said that were not so nice. It struck a cord. I mean don't get me wrong on one hand. I am extremely glad that my emotions can finally be free but at the same time being met with that level of anger and bitterness from my mom was completely unexpected.
The second thing is the acne. Of course with any puberty you're going to have acne, but I just didn't expect it to be under my armpits, popping everywhere constantly, and for some reason to be in Aries that don't make any sense. Why did I have elbow cap Acne??? Anywho, it wasn't too bad because in the end you know everything kind of worked out.
Speaking of puberty, the hair. Oh my God the hair. It's slowed down, which was great, I got a chance to shave it and I didn't have to worry about shaving it every week and I could just shave it once and keep it a little bit cleaned up and then when it grew back in like 3 weeks I'd shave it again. And for a while I was using Nair for other bits and it was just genuinely nice.
Now this one is the one I've been really wanting to talk about because I haven't heard anyone else experience this. I don't know what I did to trigger it, but I guess by conclusions it was because I felt truly at peace and I did not care about what anybody felt in that moment or those moments in the month/months and I just presented how I always wanted to. Because I did this, I triggered this weird euphoric, warm, Blissful feeling that I've grown to call " The euphoric Bliss feeling" or " Trans euphoric Bliss/Trans euphoric Buzz". Like I said, it was a warm fuzzy feeling and it felt like I was back in 2008(It only makes sense to me but that's the best way I can explain it). It was like I felt HOME/WHOLE And I didn't care what people said, The biggest part of it is that I didn't have any anxiety and that's what truly made me feel free. Before I had to use recreational stuff in order to access this feeling, but in that moment it's like I awakened it naturally. And I was beyond happy when that finally happened.
If there's only one regret I have during this entire transition is that I didn't take enough pictures. Because I was rushing too much. Yeah unfortunately I got caught up and what most of trans girlies that start out get caught up in " The Hallmark experiences" And I did not take any pictures which is the only real regret I have. I know I'm grown and changed a lot but how far and how much is unknown. I do have pictures before I started but they're not really pictures where you can see the good amount of places that changed.
But I do have good news, and err.. Kind of bad news I guess.
I'm starting over, now. You may be wondering: What this post was about congratulating 3 years of HRT, What do you mean you're starting over?
Simple as that. I'm starting over, this time. I'm going to take pictures and be a lot more careful and patient with myself. 8 months ago I had a very bad experience with some recreational stuff and it basically scrambled my brain so badly that I didn't have emotions for a few months and I lost "The Blissful Euphoric Buzz"
My main goal is to try to reawaken that Buzz feeling. If I can and if I can't I'll just accept it. But my miniature goals are to be safe and this time to take it slow and be patient.
All right this is getting too long, but I just wanted to share my excitement for my 3 years of HRT! (I do apologize if everything in this post is confusing, if you have any questions I'd be more than welcome to ask!)
Vyeeeee!! :°3

...Just to me. You'd be absolutely precious if we ever fell in love and I don't play around with other people's hearts.
But we aren't quite there yet. I would love to chat for a while though and I am not really trying to impress you I just want a bit of your time.
I'm worth it I swear. I also just swear a lot in general.
Oh man, where the hell did the last decade even go?
It seems I discovered drugs and a decade just disappeared and I was 21 like three days ago. I'm sober now but it feels like l time traveled for a few years and now my life is stable and kinda boring and I dunno what to do with myself.
Now I'm 30 and kinda feel like a dinosaur most of the time since I have been a waiter or host my entire adult life. Decent money but most people abandon it after a few years and my coworkers are always about a decade younger than me. I dunno who the hell thought I deserved to be in charge but I was the idiot who stayed long enough that I run the place. It is kind of nice being the one telling others what to do but it does get old after a while. I wonder what other job I could get myself into while I'm still relatively fit and young. I found myself explaining what dial up internet was to a coworker and realized that maybe I should get into a new line of work before people started calling me grandpa.
It'll do for now though because life used to be really fucking hard and now it's easy for a change and I've got a lot of free time. This is kind of just a stream of unfiltered thoughts and I dunno why the hell you're reading it because I'm full of shit but I'm glad you stopped by and your company is welcome.
I actually feel like someone worth dating for a change so I am here ranting away trying to find another soul that never shuts up and has the endless enthusiasm for life that I do.
Because I love to experience new things and not everything was bad over the past decade. I fell in love a couple times and my life was good in those moments and I wonder if I could do that again. If people in this modern society want to slow down for a while and get to know someone for a while.
That is what love is to me. Or at least part of what makes it. To be completely known and understood, and appreciated for exactly that and nothing more.
I want to travel and see new things and I can get a job anywhere with my skill set so I always imagine going to someone else because I've figured out that home is where my favorite person is, it isn't really about the place.
I'll be at home when I can experience someone else and share a life with them. Understand them. Be at peace with them.
A man can dream at least and I have always been deeply passionate and touchy feely in the way I love and I've never really been shy either. Intimacy has never been a complaint someone has had about me and if anything was the only thing holding together one of my past relationships.
But I want someone I can appreciate as a friend too, and who I get along with amazingly well. A woman with a sharp mind is always endlessly sexy to me.
I have no idea where she is right now, but even if it's a small chance maybe she is here somewhere reading these posts aimlessly then it's worth a shot.
I actually did meet someone I met on here once but it didn't work out and I'll tell you about it later. I wouldn't mind trying again with someone more... Stable.
It's stupid little teenager like fantasies that keep me going sometimes. I can't be the only one.
I am nothing special. Tall but not the most handsome. Not ugly either but I don't see something amazing when I look in the mirror. Just a freckled white guy with brown eyes and an average. I am relatively fit but definitely no athlete with a six pack.
But I could find something special with someone else and I haven't given up on it because if I experienced it before when my life was even worse then it should be a better experience and possible now.
Unless the world has just given up on romance.
It will be a sad rest of my life if we are bound to live alone. I always thought I would make a cool ass dad and I want to have that experience before I die and I've always imagined sticking with whoever I had those kids with forever. I'm not asking you to be a housewife hell I would even be a stay at home dad of I had to if it meant I got to have the chance to raise a family of my own one day.
I guess the reasons millennials all treat their pets like babies is because we are too poor to have real ones.
So who are you?
If not have a lovely day.

We can’t all be bandit 24/7, what are some dumb sitcom dad moments from your weekend?
Family is moving, and me and the 12 y/o were grabbing the last odds and ends that remained from the apartment. I grabbed the fire extinguisher, because I’m a responsible dad. I tossed it on top of the last box in the trunk. I closed the hatchback, and then had to push a little to get it completely shut.
Suddenly my daughter started shouting “dad, what did you do?!” A cloud of white smoke was billowing out of the window and more seemed to be appearing. It was like a smoke grenade going off.
I had, in fact, triggered the extinguisher and covered the inside of the car full of random junk with extinguisher chemicals. I opened the trunk and stopped it but not before it got everywhere.
After wiping what we could, we drove to the car wash with the windows down and a white cloud pouring out.
The car wash vacuum helped and we wiped a lot down, but there’s still a soot that gets on everything. Had to wipe down suitcases and bags and lunchboxes and whatever else was in there.
My daughter is loving the opportunity to rib me about it for the rest of the weekend, I’m sure I won’t live it down for a while.
Anyone else have any recent bumbling dad blunders?

op) 19F a few months ago me and my bf got out of a rough patch. and recently things have been good- no arguing nothing bad really. i noticed a slip in behaviors that are not okay for me, and that i know aren’t really “him”. of course i always ask how he’s doing and it’s always a “good”, that’s just how he really is. but after a week or so now i couldn’t take it. i basically mourn the man he used to be so long ago. he’s been good but i miss not having to make requests for things he did effortlessly. which made me feel loved. don’t get me wrong, i love him and i know he feels loved- i just want to feel loved too. i brought it up that i basically miss it and he shut me down terribly. just Ok Ok Ok. i wanted it to be a good conversation and a chance to connect and it hurt me really bad. i thought that if im important to him then things that matter to me are important too. i’m not sure where/if i went wrong or if i asked too much. i feel like ive been pretty amazing at being a loving girlfriend to him. he hasn’t shown any displease in my love, maybe more disinterest. and yes i stressed the things i mentioned here. what could i be doing wrong?

Link to original post for context.
Thank you so much to all of the amazing people who commented and reached out. I wasn't able to respond to anywhere near all of them but I am so grateful to everyone for opening my eyes to how toxic and unhealthy this situation is.
As I stated in this update, I called my dad and basically just explained that we were having some issues, and just to ease my mind I wanted him to come down and be nearby when I talked to my husband. He did not press for more info and told me that he was on his way. He and my mom live ~6 hours away, so it's not exactly a very ideal ask but he didn't even hesitate, which I am grateful for. He arrived Friday night and parked outside our condo and we agreed that id call him and immediately hang up if I needed him to come inside, in case my husband got aggressive or angry. I did not expect him to, since he never has before, but some of the comments made me feel like I'd better be safe rather than sorry.
I debated all day Friday about how exactly to approach this situation and how I could trigger this conversation without him shutting down or getting angry. I decided to casually approach the conversation and ask him how he'd feel about me getting another vibrator (to replace the one that mysteriously broke after he 'caught' 'me using it in the shower). In response he asked "what for?" To which I replied "because it feels good". I knew this would be his response, but it was something along the lines of "what am I not good enough"? As it usually was in the past. I explained to him that it has nothing to do with him not being good enough, and that sex is supposed to be fun and experimental and interesting and that it was just something that would make it better for both of us. He then suggested that I just wanted it to use on myself, to which I asked if that would be a problem. He told me that I know how he feels about that and so I asked him why he was bothered by the idea of me masturbating. He got very defensive and asked why I would want that when I could have him, so I asked if he ever felt like he'd rather just pleasure himself rather than going through the motions of having sex. He said no and that he's "not a beta who spends his days stroking when he could be doing anything more productive". I explained to him that that was okay if it was his preference but that sometimes my sexual desires are to pleasure myself versus having sex. That's when his same ridiculous argument came out of that being "basically cheating". Pulling from another Redditor, I explained that cheating involves multiple people, and that it is impossible to be cheating if I am alone. He told me to "fuck off and go stick the shower head between my legs". I started to get upset and realized that here is when I always back down. I feel the need to apologize and make him feel better, id usually have started something and would end up guilt fucking him because I felt bad, but I didn't. I told him that he made me feel like he was trying to control me and my body and that I wasn't okay with that. He told me I could "go be a fucking whore somewhere else then" and got up off the couch and ran upstairs. I could hear him slamming my drawers open and acting like he was putting my clothes in a bag. I resisted the urge to run up there after him and just decided to sit there and see what would happen. Eventually he came back downstairs and apologized and said that he's very uncomfortable with the idea of me masturbating in our home, when I asked him to explain why, he said because it makes him feel unwanted. I told him that this isn't true, and that I do want him, but sometimes I just want that and he said "okay I guess".
I decided to leave it at that for the night, and didn't want to press any further. I told my dad it was okay to go and that I was so sorry for wasting his time and he told me he'd be staying the weekend at a hotel just to be safe.
Eventually we went up to bed and I realized if I left it at that it would just get swept under the rug like it always does. I'd go on putting up with this until it came full-circle again and I was not going to do that to myself.
I decided to ask him about him telling me that he listened to me when I showered. I told him I wanted to talk about it and he told me that he was just joking and that "I'm a fucking moron if I actually thought he was serious". I told him that it was an odd joke, especially considering he was angry and very much not laughing when he told me. He insisted that he was joking and I told him that i didn't believe him. He then responded by saying he wouldn't do it again. This went in circles for a bit before he finally admitted to deciding to do this after catching me in the shower. Instead of accusing him of anything, I asked him if he thought that was an invasion of my privacy, to which he informed me that we are married and I do not have privacy. I told him that was an issue and that in order to have a healthy marriage we both needed privacy. He was determined that there is so such thing as privacy in marriage, so I flat out asked him if he wanted me in the bathroom while he was pooping. He said no, I said "right , because you want your privacy". He told me that's different.
Over the course of the next 10 minutes or so, this escalated from a simple conversation into a full blown screaming match, and we got absolutely nowhere in our argument. It was like talking to a brick wall. I was so heated by this point that I don't even remember what was said, but he eventually told me I was: a fucking worthless whore, that i had nothing without him, that my vag was disgusting and made him sick, that I was fat and no one will ever want me (I'm 125 lbs btw), that im lucky someone like him would even look in my direction, etc, etc, etc.
I could barely see my phone through the tears and I called my dad and asked him to come get me.
My husband looked at me and said "you're fucking dad isn't driving 6 hours to come get you you dumb fuck". I started to grab some random things of mine and yelled that he was here staying in town, and he broke down and started sobbing.
He told me that he knows he's controlling, that he has serious issues, and that he's terrified of losing me. He said that he knows he's not good enough for me and that he's so afraid of losing me that he's pushing me away to save himself the inevitable heartache. He said that if he ever lost me he'd k*** himself.
As I watched this grown ass man snotting and crying in a heap on the floor, I kinda realized that I feel nothing for him. Like, nothing. The blinders I've been wearing were removed and I no longer saw the handsome, intelligent, caring, strong man I once did. I saw a pathetic, abusive, controlling, sad, and sick person. I came to the realization in that moment that there's no fixing this, and even if he does change, I would never trust him or see him in the same way again.
My dad knocked on the door and my husband ran and hid in the bathroom. I took my bags and went outside to meet him. He asked me if I wanted to talk about what was going on and I said no. He asked what I needed from him and I asked if we could just go back to his hotel room. He asked if my husband hit me and I said no. Before we had even gotten to the hotel my husband began texting me. It started with pleading with me to stay and forgive him and turned into insults over the course of the next day or so. He never threatened me physically, but told me if I didn't come home I'd lose him forever, that I'd be losing out on the best man I'd ever have, etc, etc. he told me that his friends laughed at him for being with such an ugly bitch, that his parents hate me because they know I'm not good enough for him, that I couldn't get pregnant because I'm probably a fucking whore banging other guys on the side, that he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public, and so much more.
I'm leaving. And not because Reddit told me to, because I'm genuinely not even remotely interested in staying with him and because I deserve better.
I spoke to a friend from school, and will be staying with her until I'm done school next month. After that, I'm going home to figure some things out and get a fresh start.
I'm currently in bed in a hotel room with my dad and have never felt more loved or safe. He is going to go over to the house tomorrow and retrieve my belongings, after which he is helping me move into my friend's apartment and then heading home.
I don't have much to say at this point other than thank you again to everyone who made me realize how dangerous this situation could have been. I was determined that we were not going to divorce but after Friday night I don't think there's any going back to that. I'm over it. I might update again, I might not. But making that post genuinely might have saved my life. Thank you.

I've got a friend that's stuck on a gaming laptop, but it's good enough to run basically, anything.
However, a little bit ago, we tried getting back into the game, but for whatever reason, it would crash as soon as it launched, we did some looking and testing to figure out what could possibly be causing this so suddenly, and it turns out, for some reason, the WINDOWS AUDIO had to be disabled for whatever reason just for the game to launch. Unfortunately the problems don't end there, the game starts now, but it had endless stuttering issues that just get worse and worse until the computer eventually freezes up completely and has to be shut down. NONE of this was happening a month or two ago, but now suddenly, this. Anyone have any info on how to get past this?