I made it to the top of two high places and was strongly considering jumping. I sat at one place a while and then music was playing and some people were there. It’s weird how easy it seemed until I considered 1) what would happen if I survived and ended up unable to keep trying to end it or unable to really do much other than be kept alive by machines and other people… 2) I felt bad for the bystanders and didn’t want to ruin their day 3) the guilt/shame over not leaving a note for the family and friends who have done their best to support me even after my first unsuccessful attempt this year. I didn’t leave any note the first time and my affairs are far from being in order. So I came back home but I told absolutely nobody what had happened or where I’d been. I think I may never tell them because they don’t want to hear more of my complaining about how unbearable life is since I have privileges I just have crippling anxiety and health issues and no real sense of self or motivation left.
Anyways does anyone else have an experience of failing at a first attempt and currently considering another one but being too wrapped up in all the fears and confusions about it? I’m safe at home rn so dw if I don’t post for a while I’m not planning to hurt myself today.

So one random day about 2 years ago a random Turkish Facebook account messaged me and started calling me, at first i thought it was some scammer but turned out to be just 2 chicks messing around and i just played along with it. With one of them i just started talking and we kind of clicked, but I've never taken it too seriously, this is the main girl, we'll call her H. To be completely honest i was just a trash guy that felt nothing towards H, however she fell for me and really started caring about me. H sent me nudes, as she said for the first time in her life and she was the initiator of all conversations. Looking back it feels like H always was head over heels in love with me without ever seeing me.
Fast forward about a year and a half, i started gaining a liking towards H as well, we started video calling like every evening. She would get mad when i chose gaming with the boys or going out and not gave time to her, it was really wholesome and one evening she surprised me, she told me that she got accepted into an Erasmus program in Italy, she was finally coming to Europe and we can meet each other. Honestly - I didn't believe that we would ever meet at first, but i started asking her around about her past relationships just feeling out her.
So allegedly H had one past relationship with a Spanish guy it was long distance as well, we'll call him M. She was madly in love with him, they've met in Istanbul once, only had two "very romantical kisses" and nothing else, yes she's still a virgin. That relationship ended abruptly when M's brother found out about that and apparently M was engaged and had a fiancé. H was absolutely heart broken, M's brother called her, started calling her names and told her the full story. She felt betrayed, lost and fell into a deep depression. This is a year before me and her started talking at all.
She came to Italy, everything was fine, she'd tell me about all the people she would meet, tell me about guys that were into her, honestly nothing out of the ordinary, because she is really beautiful and has this calm and collected aura around her. But what bothered me - she would tell me when she found guys handsome. The weird things started happening from then on, since she was Muslim in Italy was the first time she tried alcohol and there were a couple of club nights where she got so wasted she couldn't remember the night before, but she was always with a friend of hers that i trusted and that knew about our relationship, lets call her B.
There was one time that she went out to the club with her student friends and an incident happened - a guy left a hickey on her neck. She told me that while crying the next morning and she told me that it was abrupt and she didn't realize that that was happening, allegedly she was just dancing in the club with him, not romantically she said and he just went in for it from behind her. Allegedly she pulled him off with B and B told him "she's not a girl like that". H came out to me, told me everything about it, i trusted in her that that was a dumb mistake.(Remembering this now kind of makes me feel mad for not giving this that much thought)
Everything turned out ok, we continued talking, no more incidents happened, i didn't shit on her for that incident and i was happy that she was honest and actually as a person that has been more years in relationships in my life than not - i communicated from the beginning that honesty and truthfulness is my top priority in a partner. Honestly i was even a little snake in terms of that i never told her anything i didn't like that she said from the fear that she would close up. So i don't think i created an atmosphere where there would be a motive to keep any secrets, no matter what happened.
We continued talking and H kept pushing me to come to Italy and i will admit - that was way beyond my comfort zone, i told her that i would and that i need time to organize things. Things took a while and eventually she said "i'm sick of waiting, i'm coming to Lithuania myself". And guess what, she bought the tickets with a weeks notice for me. She was coming with her friend B that i had to drive to Latvia for her to meet up with her other friends. Basically after day 2 there would only be the 2 of us left, just me and H.
The day comes and i drive to pick them up from the airport i was anxious and nervous as shit. She comes out of the airport running to me, hugged me for a long time and it felt good. That's when i realized that i really like this girl. But i still have my doubts, i still think of the different cultures, how would she talk to my mother if we ever get married, what culture would our children be, how would i talk to her parents? Basically i didn't see long term viable at that point, in this i'm a piece of shit, because she was in this state of delusion that i'm her everything and i'm her last man ever.
So we live together for that week, we have good adventures, i show her and her friend around the city, outside of the city, they love everything, they're super happy. At night me and H are in the same bed, we kiss and it gets naughty, but at the back of my head i have this guilt of not seeing a future with H, so i don't commit to taking her virginity and we play around with everything around it and she was passionate as shit.
The time i spent with her was very lovely, it was honestly so refreshing and it kind of brought a new light for me, i started imagining the future together but still with many doubts. It is time for her to leave, she's clinged on to me, doesn't want to let me go, is really sad that she has to leave, but eventually she does and she has to leave to Berlin to live there.
Everything was fine, one night i went to play pool with a buddy that lives in the UK, for context he used to date a Chinese girl, we got a little drunk and high and i started talking about H, told him all my doubts and he kind of debunked them with his prior relationship. He basically left me feeling like maybe i should commit to H. He outlined that i do have a lot of prior trauma due to having so many relationships, having been cheated on, having been left for other men and basically i have a very thick shield and never let anyone close. That is very true and i knew the answer was to try to commit and so quietly i did.
H went to Germany, first she went to a city where her friend lives, they both had a good time, she sent me snaps and kept me updated, it was really nice, we continued calling each other. Now this is where the situation started, when she took the train to Berlin, she came in on Monday. She lived in some sort of camp seemed like, she disappeared for that day, in the evening she tried calling me and i called back in an hour. She looked normal to me and i tried asking her what did you do that day. At first she changed the topic, then i asked again - she said they went on a group trip, it was super fun. Then i asked again what happened, she told me this strange story about a guy that she called handsome to her friend in Turkish and was talking about him a lot. After a while the guy turned around and answered to them in Turkish, which made her feel really bad. Then i asked another time, what happened next - she said she got blackout drunk and doesn't remember anything....
Hmmmm. You got blackout drunk like a couple hours ago and now you seem normal talking to me... Alright, i got my suspicions up and reminded her that honesty is number one for me, she said she understands and is 100% honest with me.
Alright, the next day rolls around, LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY AFTER HONESTY CONVERSATION, she sends me a snap of her having lunch with her friend and some guy. I don't think much of it and in the evening we video call, i ask her about the day and she doesn't say anything about no guy, that is pretty weird knowing her past honesty. I directly confront her about it and tell her "What are you talking about, you sent me a snap with you and him at the table", she starts pulling all sorts of bullshit and says she only took pictures of food and sent me those pictures. Lo and behold the tables are black glass and there's a reflection of a dude sitting on his phone at the table. At first she start pulling more shit "I don't see anyone, maybe it's a waiter, i don't know what you're talking about" and i tell her stop acting stupid.
She then starts crying and says that she promised a friend to keep that guy's presence there a secret. Allegedly he's getting an unlawful marriage with his fiancé that neither his nor his fiancé's parents can know about. Wow, what the actual fuck? Who would've i told, going to lunch with guys in secret is normal? Anyway, i told her that she broke my trust and i'm not sure if there's possibility of recovering this. She started begging while crying and said she'd do anything to fix it and that it was a stupid mistake. Alright, i tell her that it will need time, but that she will have to be 100% honest with me. Another talk about honesty.
Next day rolls around and i'm suspicious, i started checking her instagram activity and snap location(very not healthy, i know). i see instragram last active 7h ago and same in snap, all gucci - she asleep. Next time i check - instagram activity has been turned off and snap last active 9 hours ago? I confront her as soon as she gets on snap, which is about 6 hours from the first check. We call and she says she wasn't on insta and she didn't turn off shit. I asked her to share screen and show me - she was messaging B 5 hours ago :)
So i told her that the first mistake i was willing to work through, even though we had a convo literally a day before it. But now this.... I told her that i can't see me trusting her ever again and now she's crying and begging me for days, she gave me all her social media passwords unasked, she said she can delete everything and disappear from everyone's lives except mine. She's basically non stop begging me for forgiveness and saying she'll do anything to fix it and that she will never forget me if she looses me.
She then proceeded to trauma dump me how her father was never present in her life, she never even touched his hand, how she would get beaten by her father side aunts and grandmother, they allegedly kept her starving while her father was not present. They had to hide food because that would get taken away from them and shit. And call me whatever, but at that point, i heard that voice lying though it's teeth, i just did not know what to trust and if this is a manipulation tactic to become a victim.
So this is the part where i need advice, i left it off by saying we'll be friends from now on, we can keep contact and if you ever earn back my trust maybe something will come of it. But I'm very conflicted, i don't know if i can ever trust her again, her behavior after we met turned really shady. What would you do in this situation? AITAH if i leave her?
I left some context out because it turned out way longer as is, ask in the comments if any questions arise.

So.... Last Post I had made... I had some of her angry loyal fans swearing up and down that I was being "insecure" because I pointed out her narcissistic behavior and self obsession with men being absolutely crazy about her and her needing to brag it to the world for some reason, on top of showing it in her videos that she's vain herself DESPITE her saying in the past that she doesn't think it's right when women are vain and obsessed with social media and this that and the third. You know her christian spiels. So pointing out the hypocrisy and narcism is considered being insecure according to her fans. And yes, being on social media on your brother or husband's accounts or secret accounts counts as being on social media 😐 One thing about her, is she holds everyone to false standards except herself bc rules don't exist for her.
In her latest video...... once again, she's talking about men. Are we surprised??? Because at 32:32, randomlyyyy, out of nowhere she just starts gloating again about how cool she was in school and going off about 10 diff stories of how many guys had crushes on her, going crazy for her, and like passionately telling the story. It's like atp, everyone in her kid school has moved on with their life but she's stuck on the ones that big up her ego 😆 And Jordan again, once again sitting there like.... yes 😀 tell me about all the guys that had crushes on you.... Pick me vibes for real for real.
You just can't make it up. She is insufferable. It's like she is this way because she's received attention and she gets high off of it and then just becomes entitled from it- and this is the reason why she thinks that everyone is crazy about her and just the whole world revolves around her. Even her saying that the teachers called her ms little pretty thang, and her being the golden child (thinks she's the best of them), and men in public approaching her- like all of it has gone to her head to make her feel like she's the world's most highest. That's probably where the narcism and attention craving and glorification began. When you live your life spoiled by everyone, you think you're the best and become entitled and a narcisst. And the whole "bc my wrist is super tiny" or "she's a little firecracker" again just plays into her view of herself that she's a kwoot wittle feisty gworl >3< uwu
TL;DR version: You possibly have come to watch a hygiene video or something but instead you'll see:

1. Your local drama queen gloating about her maturity yet proceeds to act like a kid many times with the tiara, mini tantrums, and emotional outbursts
   
2. Once again, the tales of her many suitors in this world that's feeding her pick me girl ego. No surprise.
   
3. Her being an icky type of person in school and being proud of it..... no surprises there too.
   
4. 52:06- "there was this girl at garage today, she literally made everyone tell me happy birthday. Tell her happy birthday, girl you better tell her happy birthday. to which Chloe proceeds to say, "okayyy, we can be friends" yes. Ofc that's what she feels. Anyone that will war for their kween like this and glorify her- yes ofc they can be friends with her 😂 she expects nothing less out of her relationships in her life. if you don't plan to worship her, don't think you're gonna be around her for too much. She don't like that.
   

So one random day about 2 years ago a random Turkish Facebook account messaged me and started calling me, at first i thought it was some scammer but turned out to be just 2 chicks messing around and i just played along with it. With one of them i just started talking and we kind of clicked, but I've never taken it too seriously, this is the main girl, we'll call her H. To be completely honest i was just a trash guy that felt nothing towards H, however she fell for me and really started caring about me. H sent me nudes, as she said for the first time in her life and she was the initiator of all conversations. Looking back it feels like H always was head over heels in love with me without ever seeing me.
Fast forward about a year and a half, i started gaining a liking towards H as well, we started video calling like every evening. She would get mad when i chose gaming with the boys or going out and not gave time to her, it was really wholesome and one evening she surprised me, she told me that she got accepted into an Erasmus program in Italy, she was finally coming to Europe and we can meet each other. Honestly - I didn't believe that we would ever meet at first, but i started asking her around about her past relationships just feeling out her.
So allegedly H had one past relationship with a Spanish guy it was long distance as well, we'll call him M. She was madly in love with him, they've met in Istanbul once, only had two "very romantical kisses" and nothing else, yes she's still a virgin. That relationship ended abruptly when M's brother found out about that and apparently M was engaged and had a fiancé. H was absolutely heart broken, M's brother called her, started calling her names and told her the full story. She felt betrayed, lost and fell into a deep depression. This is a year before me and her started talking at all.
She came to Italy, everything was fine, she'd tell me about all the people she would meet, tell me about guys that were into her, honestly nothing out of the ordinary, because she is really beautiful and has this calm and collected aura around her. But what bothered me - she would tell me when she found guys handsome. The weird things started happening from then on, since she was Muslim in Italy was the first time she tried alcohol and there were a couple of club nights where she got so wasted she couldn't remember the night before, but she was always with a friend of hers that i trusted and that knew about our relationship, lets call her B.
There was one time that she went out to the club with her student friends and an incident happened - a guy left a hickey on her neck. She told me that while crying the next morning and she told me that it was abrupt and she didn't realize that that was happening, allegedly she was just dancing in the club with him, not romantically she said and he just went in for it from behind her. Allegedly she pulled him off with B and B told him "she's not a girl like that". H came out to me, told me everything about it, i trusted in her that that was a dumb mistake.(Remembering this now kind of makes me feel mad for not giving this that much thought)
Everything turned out ok, we continued talking, no more incidents happened, i didn't shit on her for that incident and i was happy that she was honest and actually as a person that has been more years in relationships in my life than not - i communicated from the beginning that honesty and truthfulness is my top priority in a partner. Honestly i was even a little snake in terms of that i never told her anything i didn't like that she said from the fear that she would close up. So i don't think i created an atmosphere where there would be a motive to keep any secrets, no matter what happened.
We continued talking and H kept pushing me to come to Italy and i will admit - that was way beyond my comfort zone, i told her that i would and that i need time to organize things. Things took a while and eventually she said "i'm sick of waiting, i'm coming to Lithuania myself". And guess what, she bought the tickets with a weeks notice for me. She was coming with her friend B that i had to drive to Latvia for her to meet up with her other friends. Basically after day 2 there would only be the 2 of us left, just me and H.
The day comes and i drive to pick them up from the airport i was anxious and nervous as shit. She comes out of the airport running to me, hugged me for a long time and it felt good. That's when i realized that i really like this girl. But i still have my doubts, i still think of the different cultures, how would she talk to my mother if we ever get married, what culture would our children be, how would i talk to her parents? Basically i didn't see long term viable at that point, in this i'm a piece of shit, because she was in this state of delusion that i'm her everything and i'm her last man ever.
So we live together for that week, we have good adventures, i show her and her friend around the city, outside of the city, they love everything, they're super happy. At night me and H are in the same bed, we kiss and it gets naughty, but at the back of my head i have this guilt of not seeing a future with H, so i don't commit to taking her virginity and we play around with everything around it and she was passionate as shit.
The time i spent with her was very lovely, it was honestly so refreshing and it kind of brought a new light for me, i started imagining the future together but still with many doubts. It is time for her to leave, she's clinged on to me, doesn't want to let me go, is really sad that she has to leave, but eventually she does and she has to leave to Berlin to live there.
Everything was fine, one night i went to play pool with a buddy that lives in the UK, for context he used to date a Chinese girl, we got a little drunk and high and i started talking about H, told him all my doubts and he kind of debunked them with his prior relationship. He basically left me feeling like maybe i should commit to H. He outlined that i do have a lot of prior trauma due to having so many relationships, having been cheated on, having been left for other men and basically i have a very thick shield and never let anyone close. That is very true and i knew the answer was to try to commit and so quietly i did.
H went to Germany, first she went to a city where her friend lives, they both had a good time, she sent me snaps and kept me updated, it was really nice, we continued calling each other. Now this is where the situation started, when she took the train to Berlin, she came in on Monday. She lived in some sort of camp seemed like, she disappeared for that day, in the evening she tried calling me and i called back in an hour. She looked normal to me and i tried asking her what did you do that day. At first she changed the topic, then i asked again - she said they went on a group trip, it was super fun. Then i asked again what happened, she told me this strange story about a guy that she called handsome to her friend in Turkish and was talking about him a lot. After a while the guy turned around and answered to them in Turkish, which made her feel really bad. Then i asked another time, what happened next - she said she got blackout drunk and doesn't remember anything....
Hmmmm. You got blackout drunk like a couple hours ago and now you seem normal talking to me... Alright, i got my suspicions up and reminded her that honesty is number one for me, she said she understands and is 100% honest with me.
Alright, the next day rolls around, LITERALLY THE NEXT DAY AFTER HONESTY CONVERSATION, she sends me a snap of her having lunch with her friend and some guy. I don't think much of it and in the evening we video call, i ask her about the day and she doesn't say anything about no guy, that is pretty weird knowing her past honesty. I directly confront her about it and tell her "What are you talking about, you sent me a snap with you and him at the table", she starts pulling all sorts of bullshit and says she only took pictures of food and sent me those pictures. Lo and behold the tables are black glass and there's a reflection of a dude sitting on his phone at the table. At first she start pulling more shit "I don't see anyone, maybe it's a waiter, i don't know what you're talking about" and i tell her stop acting stupid.
She then starts crying and says that she promised a friend to keep that guy's presence there a secret. Allegedly he's getting an unlawful marriage with his fiancé that neither his nor his fiancé's parents can know about. Wow, what the actual fuck? Who would've i told, going to lunch with guys in secret is normal? Anyway, i told her that she broke my trust and i'm not sure if there's possibility of recovering this. She started begging while crying and said she'd do anything to fix it and that it was a stupid mistake. Alright, i tell her that it will need time, but that she will have to be 100% honest with me. Another talk about honesty.
Next day rolls around and i'm suspicious, i started checking her instagram activity and snap location(very not healthy, i know). i see instragram last active 7h ago and same in snap, all gucci - she asleep. Next time i check - instagram activity has been turned off and snap last active 9 hours ago? I confront her as soon as she gets on snap, which is about 6 hours from the first check. We call and she says she wasn't on insta and she didn't turn off shit. I asked her to share screen and show me - she was messaging B 5 hours ago :)
So i told her that the first mistake i was willing to work through, even though we had a convo literally a day before it. But now this.... I told her that i can't see me trusting her ever again and now she's crying and begging me for days, she gave me all her social media passwords unasked, she said she can delete everything and disappear from everyone's lives except mine. She's basically non stop begging me for forgiveness and saying she'll do anything to fix it and that she will never forget me if she looses me.
She then proceeded to trauma dump me how her father was never present in her life, she never even touched his hand, how she would get beaten by her father side aunts and grandmother, they allegedly kept her starving while her father was not present. They had to hide food because that would get taken away from them and shit. And call me whatever, but at that point, i heard that voice lying though it's teeth, i just did not know what to trust and if this is a manipulation tactic to become a victim.
So this is the part where i need advice, i left it off by saying we'll be friends from now on, we can keep contact and if you ever earn back my trust maybe something will come of it. But I'm very conflicted, i don't know if i can ever trust her again, her behavior after we met turned really shady. What would you do in this situation?
I left some context out because it turned out way longer as is, ask in the comments if any questions arise.

I got my 9 month old miniature poodle puppy about a week ago and things have been rough with crate training! She absolutely cannot stand to be left in the crate during the day, or overnight for more than 6 hours. During the day if I run errands, she will cry on and off the entire time I’m gone, not really settling down. At night, she will sleep soundly for 6 hours and wake up crying. After taking her out to use the bathroom, I bring her back inside and put her back in her crate. This only makes things worse as she will then amp up the crying.
I am giving her high value rewards to get into her crate, and I recently purchased a snuggle puppy to help with any anxiety she might have. Her crate is covered fully on 3 sides and 1/2 way on the front. She will reach through the crate openings and try to pull the crate cover (a blanket) in with her while she mouths at it and pulls it in as much as it will go.
Her crate is currently in the living room down the hall. I’m hesitant on putting one in my room as I don’t want her to develop any separation anxiety taking her with me everywhere I go (since I WFH full time as well). have tried baby gates sectioning off areas of the house to leave her in while I take a showerun errands but she’s learned to climb those gates and escape through anything.
I’m not opposed to letting her have free roam when she gets a bit older and I know that she will have no more accidents in the house, and is out of the biting stage.
Is there something I’m missing or something I can do?! I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong since other threads I’ve come across have had their mini poodles crate trained in 1-3 days 🫠

Anyone have a favorite glider or rocker they absolutely love? Comfort is king (or queen!). I'm willing to spend a bit more if it's truly amazing. Your thoughts will be highly appreciated!

Unfortunately, following a somewhat crowded outdoor event, I ended up getting COVID for the second time. This was definitely worst than the first time because it caused all sorts of GI symptoms. I was ok for a bit, but started to notice ll my food was digesting super slowly and it kept going downhill from there. Now I thought it was just gastroparesis, and I was suffering from severe weight loss as well, and bloodwork showed some high cholesterol, so my primary recommended an ultrasound, and after that that I see a gastroenterologist and a liver doctor as well to rule out anything else. Ultrasound showed mild fatty liver and sludge in the gallbladder.
Liver doctor was useless and dismissive. According to her, my GERD was managed by "weight loss" (it was not; it was managed by not fucking eating onions all the time mainly LMAO and reducing other triggers like tomato sauce and oddly and specifically, chocolate mousse). She also recommended I see a nutritionist, which considering I just said I could barely tolerate any food and wasn't eating and experiencing rapid unexplained weight loss what good would that do? Didn't bother doing a follow-up.
Gastroenterologist was my savior frankly. She listened for one, had me do an endoscopy just to make sure I had no other stomach issues (just mild gastritis and a hernia, which I knew about), and after getting all my ultrasound scans as well, recommended surgery after some more spasms, pain, and my symptoms just not improving and experiencing more food sensitivities and intolerances. I went to the ER because my pain was getting worse and I couldn't take it, ultrasound was done there only for the sludge to have completely vanished even though i still had pain, got sent home because why would they do anything extra even though my pain was almost 24/7, but you know, no fever = oh you're fine lol. The ER doctor did recommend additional scans though, so I went back to my gastro, who ordered a HIDA scan.
HIDA scan gave me the proof I needed; my gallbladder had an EF of 19%, and she recommended a surgeon to me, had my appointment with him, gave him all of my medical results, told him my symptoms, and he immediately explained to me how laparoscopic surgery would work and boom, surgery ended up getting scheduled for the next week, and I was his first one of the day. Got that done yesterday, and while the anesthesia had me super down and out for the count and peeing afterwards sucks and is very very slow and irritating, it still doesn't compare to the gallbladder pain; I had to stop eating dinner and was living off of cream of wheat and baby snacks up until the surgery, and even water triggered pain. Didn't have any gallstones, but it turns out my gallbladder was "partly intrahepatic" and inflamed and I had a short cystic duct, so it was probably a matter of time before it started fucking up, but COVID might have accelerated it since I never had issues prior to getting it the second time, and i see other people in the sub have had similar (the first time I got COVID, it just attacked my lungs mostly, also messed with my motor skills and I had a lot of fatigue and heat intolerance).
That's my story, and I'm sharing because maybe it'll help someone else who was just as lost as I am. It's absolutely shitty, and the US healthcare system is a nightmare especially when you're a femme person of color, and I will say I got very lucky with my gastro. Just gotta keep trucking along and keep fighting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, rooting for yall!
EDIT: oh forgot to mention that my period started the literal day of surgery, but it didn't seem to affect much and the nurses were very kind enough to offer me two pads and surgical underwear!

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So, I'm graduating next week. Today is my last day and I am absolutely TERRIFIED. I'm scared of after high-school, of going to college, what's gonna happen to me and my partner, finding a better job. I'm so terrified and I'm genuinely really sad about graduating. It's gonna be so hard to move out because there are so many things that I just...don't know. I'm terrified.

Apologies for this one being so late; Been sick for the last week or so, and the friday i was meant to post this, I think from memory I was busy :/ But I'm starting to get back into the swing of things, and the Glossary Addendum has also had a bit of an overhaul :D I'll be applying that tonight as well, to each of the currently released chapters.
[First] [Glossary Addendum] [Previous]
[From the Abyss Artisanry, Wolfreach Commercial District, Halsion Reach Region, Haldios IV, 12th of Emheraldis, 5011 TE]
[Boltz] The door chimed, though it sounded... Off today, and I sighed. I'd have to replace the old beeper with something else now that it had broken. As I walked towards the counter, I heard Chit's voice from around the corner as she said,
"I'll be right with you!" I frowned, noticing the strain in her voice. I stepped around the counter and poked my head around the corner, and then immediately rushed to help. She was trying to move a Draekkan mace, and causing gouges in the floor as she dragged the heavy weapon.
"Seriously? Leave Draekkan weapons to me, beloved." I said, and Chit nodded as I lifted the massive, spiked club-like weapon. Made of Luunic steel, the metal was cool against my hand as I cautiously hefted it, a dark blue color akin to the Lunwatch sky on a clear night with few stars. I slowly walked over to the storage racks, and hung the mace on a pair of large hooks. Then I turned back to my lover, and looked her up and down for injuries.
Finding none, I shook my head with another sigh. "Well at least you didn't hurt yourself on it." I said, stepping up to her and wrapping my arms around her lower back. I pulled her cool body towards mine, and she happily melted into my embrace. Chuckling, I planted a kiss on her hair, and gently ran a finger down one of her drit'onthke. Her entire body shivered and she giggled, before wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tight hug.
"So what's on the list for today?" I asked, resting my cheek on her head.
"Just a few armour sets which need some minor repairs, thankfully." Chit replied. I nodded, and then the beeper went off, indicating a customer.
"Solahra's Light, what an awful noise to greet a customer with!" A deep, male-sounding canine voice rumbled from out in the customer area. We reluctantly pulled apart and both went out to see what he needed.

As Chit rounded the corner, she automatically greeted the customer by saying,
"Welcome to From the Abyss Artisanry, how can we help today?" But as I stepped around after her, I froze. The canine man was holding a box filled with shattered pieces of art, it looked like. I stepped closer and realised that they weren't shattered pieces of art, at least not in the traditional sense. Rather, they were the parts of what was formerly a weapon. I felt my eyes widen as I realised what it was. I looked at the canine man, and realised he was a Labardon. I looked back at the pieces of plasma caster, which appeared to, on closer inspection, actually have catastrophically failed at a structural level upon attempting to fire a shot.
"I went to the Lunhaekin blacksmith over in Aellandendil, cos they said that fishing my ancestral plasma caster would be an exceedingly simple affair. Instead, the next time I went to fire it, the blasted thing fell apart in my hands!" The man growled, and then asked,
"How bad is it... Is... Is there any way to restore it?" His eyes went wide as if to wordlessly plead with me, and I gestured for him to give me the box of parts. He hesitantly handed the box over and I gently placed it on the counter before pulling out one of the furcloth rolls underneath and unravelling it. Then, one by one, I pulled out each of the pieces, and with each new item, my heart sank.

This would not be a simple fix of just re-assembling the pieces. I let out a heavy sigh, and, leaning on the counter, covered my mouth with the side of my hand while looking at the arrayed parts.
"This is... At this point you might as well just buy a new plasma caster." I said finally, still looking at the parts. I looked up at the man and said,
"If I reconstruct this, because that's what it will take, a full reconstruction, it WILL cost more than buying a new caster." I looked down at the parts again, and swore under my breath.
"The focusing plate has been shattered, and those things are near indestructible when carved right, the prism chamber is cracked, so that's no good any more, and the magnetic acceleration rings..." I trailed off, and swallowed before looking up at the man.
"They're not rings any more..." I whispered, and the man's face seemed to break.
"Is there anything we can salvage of the original parts?" He asked, his voice shaky. I looked down at the parts, and realised that there was just one piece that was fully intact. With a mirthless chuckle, I picked it up.
"The plasma compression chamber. That's it." I laid the small metallic chamber down again, and sighed.
"The rest is just... Junk. Scrap even." I shook my head, running the numbers in my head. When I finished, I swore again, and dropped the bombshell.
"You're looking at around fifty thousand in parts alone." I said, and the canine's shoulders slumped.
"If that's the price it takes..." He said.
"I will try and recover as much material as I can though; I might be able to melt down the mag rings for example and re-energise them."

[A Cycle Later...]
[Chit'eiwu]
The Labardon stepped into the store, a simple digital bell sounding, and he sighed, his tail wagging a little as he did so.
"Much better than last time!" He joked, and Jakob walked around the corner holding a box, grinning from ear to ear.
"Just in time, good sir!" He exclaimed. He set down the box, and the Labardon's gaze instantly honed in on it. Jakob laid a hand on the lid, and said,
"Behold, your restored heritage!" And with that, he lifted the lid like he was proposing to the customer, and the canine's eyes lit up, his tail suddenly zipping back and forth as though it were some kind of demented metronome. As he lifted the ancient weapon, my own eyes widened; It was truly a thing of beauty.

[Boltz]
I smiled as the Labardon man admired my handiwork, and in a voice that sounded like it was half pure air, he whispered,
"It's as beautiful as the day my sire first showed it to me..." My smile widened, and I said,
"I was able to salvage more than I thought, in the end. I managed to keep the primary focus cone; I simply had to melt and recast it due to a crack in it, the laser projector's crystal matrix casing also was salvageable, though I did have to replace the crystal matrix. So it now has a Kaurine crystal for providing the first round of focusing." The man froze, and his gaze flicked to me. His hands still raise, he asked,
"A Kaurine crystal? Genuine?" I nodded.
"Cut the crystal free from the rock myself." I replied. The man laid the plasma caster on the counter gently, though it rattled slightly from his shaking paws as he ceased to support it.
"My sire said that it originally had a Shell crystal as its matrix..." He said, voice trembling as much as his paws.
"They are great crystals for energy conduction as well as for energy focusing. It took a bit to set the frequency for the right channels though." He nodded, and shakily handed over his Orionpay card. I handed it to Chit'eiwu, right as he asked,
"So how much was it all up?" I grinned and replied,
"An even fifty five thousand." He blinked, and asked,
"But... the crystal... Surely that alone would be a few hundred thousand!" I shook my head, and replied,
"It's not a Blade. And it doesn't need to be anywhere near as big. Only came to around three thousand." He nodded, and Chit'eiwu input the numbers and scanned the card. The system registered a successful transaction, and she handed the man back his card.
"Thank you for choosing From the Abyss Artisanry!" I said, and he nodded, his eyes turning shiny with unshed tears.
"No, thank you. All of my friends will be hearing about this, and you will be my first stop for anything artisanal." I nodded to him, and he left, carefully cradling the restored plasma caster in its box. Looking over to the clock, I noticed that it was indicating less than an hour before Lunrise. I jerked my head towards Chit'eiwu and asked,
"Think we should close up the shop early, or wait until Soldown before we stop operating?" She looked up at the clock as well, then back to me, and shook her head.
"No, I think we can afford to close early this evening." I nodded, and pressed the button to activate the end of Watch sign system, and a moment later, a holosign in the window came to life and began a 10 minute countdown.

We always did the countdown so that prospective customers knew how long they had to enter to the store before we stopped taking new customers prior to closing down for the Lunwatch. As usually happened however, the sign completed its countdown and flicked to the "Closed" display, and I pressed a second button to lock the door remotely, and arm the security system. As I did so, Chit'eiwu walked into the apartment, and soon after, I heard the sound of her cooking. I smiled, knowing that she was bound to make an incredible dinner as per usual, and let out a contented sigh as the system went through the arming process. Life with her was... Good. Not necessarily great by any stretch of the imagination; Most of our days were spent working after all. But it was at least a good life. A life I was more than happy to lead.

When the system indicated full armed status some minutes later, I followed my aquatic lover into our home behind and above the shop, and arrived just in time for her to serve up dinner. As I sat down, a stupid grin spread across my face as I beheld what she had cooked up. On the plate was a kind of "nest" made of purple coloured strands of pasta, and topped off with a green-sauced mince of some kind. I looked up at my lover, who was watching me expectantly. My grin refusing to go away, I obliged her apparent intent, and used a fork to collect some mince with sauce, and some of the pasta.

As the food reached my mouth, it was like an explosion of flavours; An earthy, slightly spicy flavour issued forth from the sauce, and the mince tasted somewhat like yuron, a kind of cattle animal from Zehllukarn Prime, and it was followed up by a surprisingly sweet flavour from the pasta as it rotated around in my mouth as I chewed. Swallowing, I said,
"This is incredible! I can't even properly describe it; it's... It's like an explosion of all different flavours coming together in my mouth!" Chit's face turned a fierce azure, and my grin widened. The grin morphing into a smirk, I added,
"You're definitely getting rewarded this Lunwatch, beloved."

[A Few Hours Later...]

[Boltz]

As Chit'eiwu walked into the bedroom we shared upstairs, I put the dishes from our dinner into the automatic dishwasher, and followed her up. As I reached the laundry room, I stripped off my clothes from the Solwatch, and tossed them expertly into the laundry, each garment hitting the wall and bouncing off slightly to fall into the clothes basket waiting below, before walking into the bedroom entirely unclad. Chit'eiwu was laying in the bed, the blanket covering her amethyst body from view, and in such a way that I knew that she too had put her clothes in the laundry. I walked around the bed, and pulled down the blanket to get in beside her, and after that, things turn rather hazy for a little while.

[A Week Later...]

[Chit'Eiwu]
Jakob and I stepped off of the transport, hand-in-grasper, him looking absolutely divine in a glacial blue suit with silver trimmings, seeming to be a walking ice sculpture. Complimenting him, I opted for a taste of my birthplace; Trimmed with onyx hems, I was wearing a deep, abyssal purple dress, showing off my relatively lighter purple skin, becoming a shadow of the Abyss to act as the dark counterpart to my Warrior of the Overwaves. I looked towards him as we stepped inside the Fortress of Kaur'Ainda together for the first time since I was Ascended by both him and Cewa together.
He looked back at me, smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly, before saying over our rarely-used connection,
There's no need to be nervous; It's just a Greenmarch Feast, my Siren. As I did every time he called me that, I giggled; At first I had been confused by him calling me an alarm sound, until he showed me one of the few surviving Terran records from... Wherever it was that they came from. Terran, or at the time, Human, women of extraordinary beauty, totally uncovered, and singing some kind of song that lured male sailors to their deaths.
Then he had sent me an image of how he viewed me; My plain purple skin instead appeared almost... Luminous, and my average green eyes were glittering emerald gems. My hair, an equally unremarkable azure, was a brilliant blue that resembled the Azuresheet high above even the Overwaves, and in his mind's eye, my cheeks were flushed slightly blue. I had never considered myself to be attractive by any means; In the Abyss I would have struggled to find a mate...
But here in the Overwaves? I had been chosen by a Terran, that enigmatic, smooth-skinned, near-prey-like biped species who were renowned for absurd feats of strength and endurance. I was not as fragile as I seemed, even before my Ascension...
But Jakob seemed to realise that early on; The first time we lay together, an eye-rolling, mind-erasing experience, he showed such gentleness that it was hard to believe the stories... Until the very next day when I had struggled to move a shipment of materials that had come in, even barely raising it, and he had simply come in and told me to let it go, before seeming to effortlessly pick up the heavy box and carry it into the Forge, before placing it down and rapidly sorting the material inside for me. I had asked him about it, and his response was a mere shrug, and to say, It wasn't that heavy for me; Absolutely awkward, but not anything that will break my back.

In the present, we stepped into the Great Hall, and froze. It had been totally transformed, becoming a verdant green forest canopy under which wooden tables seemingly made from the trunks of trees, with seats formed from sections of log from great tree branches. Seiranha saw us enter, and rushed over to greet us.
"Boltz! Chit!" She exclaimed, and hugged us both in turn. It felt... Odd, to be given a hug by a Vampyris, but this particular one was a friend, and so I happily returned the hug, albeit reluctantly letting go of Jakob's hand to do so. We held the hug for a few eternal moments, before she let go and did the same to Jakob, who greeted her warmly.
"You look great!" Jakob said to the Vampyris warrior, and she blushed a deep golden color on her pale cream skin. It looked almost like golden Skyblaze rays were touching her cheeks as she giggled. But Jakob was right; She was garbed in a flowing set of obviously ceremonial armour which appeared to have been made by first weaving a suit of leaves, and then attaching segments of bark to the resulting garment. And combined with her silver-in-crimson eyes...
"You look sort of like a vengeful forest spirit in this armour, Master Seiranha!" I said, and the woman grinned.
"That's sort of the idea. Not many people remember that the spirits of the forests of all our worlds yet live... And for those who do not respect the forest's inhabitants, only death can be anticipated, or worse."

Over the course of what remained of the Solwatch, we enjoyed the Greenmarch Feast, and soon enough, it was time to scatter to our homes once again, to rest away the overindulgences of the Feast.

[Boltz]
As the transport landed at the Wolfreach starport, Chit and I walked down the ramp, though she was somewhat unsteady on her legs. Chuckling, I asked her,
"Would you like me to carry you home?" She looked at me, her face blazing sapphire, but through our connection, she, apparently not realising she was 'speaking', replied, I thought you'd never ask... My mighty Skybright, carrying me like an Inkle in his powerful arms... As the thought travelled over our connection the azure spread, and I shook my head with a grin. I really was the luckiest guy in the Reach to have landed such an exotic life partner. She happily stepped in closer to me, and I swept her off her feet, much to her almost drunken delight, and she let out a whoop of surprise.
However, as her intoxicated brain realised what had happened, she melted into my embrace, burbling away in my ear as though she had been returned to her youngest of Watches. I was all too happy to carry my lover home of course; The sound of her tripled heartbeat like a three-beat rhythm pulsed against my own heart, and her emerald gaze was transfixed on my face, the look in those beautiful green orbs one of utter and complete adoration.

After around 10 minutes, we reached the shop, and I swiped my wristcomm over the new sensor, first up-down, then right-left. The two-part verification proved my identity, and the door swung open automatically, a recent addition I had also made. As we cleared the door, I swept my foot around and behind me to close the door again, and carried Chit to the bedroom in our apartment, before laying her gently down on the bed, and saying,
"Unfortunately, I've gotta take that incredible dress off you or it will be ruined in your sleep." Chit vaguely nodded, and I helped her stand back up. Having done this routine together before, she laid her arms on my shoulders for added balancing support, and I bent down to grab the bottom of the dress, before slowly pulling it up to her chest. Feeling the garment fully above her hips, Chit carefully sat down on the bed, and I carefully pulled the dress up and over her head, then down her arms.

Turning around, I draped the dress across a nearby dresser, smoothing out any wrinkles in it, and then returned my attention to my lover, who was now completely undressed. Once again taking up the role of caregiver, I wrapped an arm around her and scooped her up once more before laying her on the bed sideways, where she let out a small gasp as the cold fabric touched her bare skin. I gave her a reassuring smile and said,
"I'll have you nice and warm soon enough, Heartstreasure." And with that, I stripped off my own suit, carefully draping it over a chair, and then pulled off the underwear I had worn for the Feast, and climbed under the covers beside Chit. Upon feeling me enter the bed, she shifted over, hissing a bit as she moved off the warmed area, and melted her body against my own. As she settled into a comfortable position, one of her legs across mine, she said through repeated yawns,
"May... May you swim... With the... Blessing of... Of Drynedaea... My.... Sky-Warrior..." Chuckling as I wrapped an arm around her back, I kissed her gently on the forehead and over our connection, replied,
"May Luunah Guard your Dreams, Heartstreasure of the Depths." And with that, as if it were a cue, Chit's breathing shifted to become deep and regular, and the sound along with the rising and falling of her amethyst chest against my skin sung its own siren song, dragging me down into...
[Next: To Tread the Shaded Path]

Hey all, in a bit of a dilemma for career advice so figured I'd post here. I finished my Bachelor's in Criminal Psychology and am working as a medical assistant right now. It's time to go back to school and I'm looking at the next step.... thus, the title.
Originally, when beginning my Bachelor's, the plan was to pursue PsyD, and that's still on my radar but.......
I absolutely love medicine. If life would've went more according to plan after graduation, I'd be finishing up residency at 28. Now I'm an MA working in a private practice family med office, with a former ER doc who LOVES teaching...it's fascinating how different medications are used, how conditions present, and watching patients improve over time with correct medicines.
Here's the dilemma. My son and I are transitioning from a family of 3 to a family of 2; my son is 2, and it's just us. Also, Mama isn't getting any younger. MD is the dream. Is this even practical as a single mom? A PA program seems much more attainable, and (with how Doc is explaining it) PA's can do the follow ups on high MDM, and treat low MDM patients. Then again, PA is a....charged field 😅
So. PA? Or MD?

As always, thank you to u/SpacePaladin15 for the wonderful universe that is NoP! Thank you to u/cruisingNW for proof reading and helping me make this chapter as good as it can be, you're the man! Honestly LoM wouldn't have gone very far without him! If you haven't you should absolutely go read Foundations of Humanity! It's very good AND it just updated!
A big thanks to u/Saint-Andros for helping with proofreading! He writes Out of Our Elements which is a very good one! If you like a good fic in the wilderness and a pair of cute 'friends' ;) you'll love OOE!
Also thank you to u/brotanics! For this wonderful fanart of Taisa. And this one! She's so cute I'm gonna die
And thank you to u/Jimdandy117! For this adorable fanart of Chris and Renkel! Dear god help he's adorable I love him so much
Thank you u/SlimyRage, or AsciiSquid on Discord, for makin' Vengineer Taisa Gamin'. She's absolutely adorable, I love her lil' workers apron. She looks so excited to get to work!
Thank you u/Braquen! For this astounding Pixel Art of Taisa after a few range day dates with Chris! Her little hat and gunbelt are absolutely astounding!
Thank you u/VeryUnluckyDice! For this Artwork of Taisa and Chris as characters from One Piece! I've never seen or read it before but it's incredibly cute!
Thank you to u/creditmission for their wonderful work of several LoM fanfics!
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Memory Transcription Subject: Taisa, Venlil Starship Engineer, Crystal Star Shipping Co-Owner
Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 16th, 2136
Stars… doom or not, that moon is beautiful.
Earth’s own spotlight still hung in the sky, creeping ever higher backlight more and more of the fleet waiting in anticipation. The moon’s pure white light scattered aimlessly across the mountains, shimmering like liquid silver on the surface of the river flowing through the valley far below us. Slinking dark forms of ships that slipped beyond her light made their presence known through the trailing wisps their ion thrusters jetted out behind them; painting the soil-black sky with twisting, swirling hues of blue amongst the shimmering stars.
A warm and weighty hand pulled me close as the cool night air of the mountains flowed through my wool, coaxing a contended purr to build and blossom in my chest as I pressed into Chris’ side, stretching up to nuzzle into his neck before leaning forward and snatching another ‘hummus’ covered carrot from the tray to pop it into my mouth. The delicious, savory smoothness of the hummus accompanied the sweet harshness of the carrot perfectly, sending a trill of pleasure through my chest before I continued my story.
“Anyhow, Quilleth and I, despite her continuous protests, get assigned to the same design herd for one of our final projects. We had an old Triconn Drive Systems TC-547 Jump drive and one of their ‘standard’ fusion cores to go with it, one of the worst pairs of speh-stacks ever built if you ask me, that we needed to rebuild and get working again, and she wanted no part of having to ‘deal’ with me for any extended period of time. Tavareth, my jump-drive maintenance and design professor, was adamant that,” I stopped, pulling in a breath and puffing out my chest, doing my best to mimic the old, gray trunked Mazic. “Ahem, ‘In a work environment you’ll have to work past your differences to make the herd stronger.’ and all kinds of other speh that amounted to ‘I need to fill out this herd the rest of the way and you two are who’s left.’”
“They both sound so pleasant.” Chris rumbled, a chuckle in his voice as he grinned, handing me another of his ‘cracker sandwiches’ before turning his eyes back to the stars high above.
“That’s a word for it.” I agreed, giving a jovial whistle past the crumbling cracker and deliciously smooth nut-spread. “But she dropped that tune real fast the second we came up to a real problem in the project trying to source a new, or at least rebuildable, primary magnetic accelerator. I called Parnel and had a brand new one, that was well past any spec we were expected to meet, in our workshop and installed within the paw. After that I checked the drive’s Tritium levels, rerouted every coolant line, field flow point and magnetic induction coil so they actually worked right, stars forbid those wool brains at Triconn ever design something right the first time, to get everything I could out of the new accelerator assembly.”
“Now why does that sound familiar?” Chris mused, a sly smile on his face as scooped a fistful of crunchy chips into his mouth.
“You can shush Captain ‘try his damnedest to burn out every subsystem he can find’, half the re-routing I have to do now is your fault!” I replied with an amused whistle, paffing the back of his head with my tail-tuft before continuing. “Now, after I’d… dove into the ove-”
“As you often do.” Chris cut in, a smile on his face as he prodded my side with a burbling laugh in his voice.
“Shush!” I bleated in return, the warmth of a spreading bloom driving the sneaking cold of the mountain air from my wool. “As I was saying, after I dove into the drive, Quilleth and our other partners, mostly Quilleth, had taken it on themselves to handle the core’s overhaul and refueling. Leave it to most herds to take the easy route and not learn something if they can get away with it, you can damn well bet they made sure to document that I was the one who worked on the drive and that the, far easier, core was all them. The work on the drive took a while by myself but I still managed to get everything done and put together before we had to spin it up for the test-paw.”
“How do you test a drive and a core if it's not on a ship? Feels like a fast way to make a problem for yourself.” Chris asked, his eyes focused on me, interest plain on his face as his hand wrapped around my side to pull me close.
“Well the drives physically can’t engage if they’re in a sufficient gravity well, and VP is well beyond that threshold, so we just spin them up, take readings to ‘prove’ that they’d work in a real application. I argued we should have had a few shuttles with remote diagnostics and control systems, like we used during your flight training, to do the tests to show they actually did work since correct readings in a gravity well and correct readings in applied use can be different and you wouldn’t know until you were in orbit and getting ready to jump. Tavareth said he’d have ‘loved to give us the chance but the university didn’t have the funds to allocate’ or some other excuse the faculty always used to avoid doing things the right way.” I replied, waving my paws in frustration at the amount of projects that were only given a curled tail of thought before being dumped on us to complete, real world applications or not.
“Sounds a lot like Trepassy’s parent company, unless it was a ‘mission critical component’ as they put it, then they didn’t much care to fix it if it didn’t keep her stuck in port. Always made the excuse that the repairs weren’t in the budget while posting ten plus percent margins. Didn’t matter how much me and the cap’ called and bitched them out for busted Air-con or the rec-room being entirely bare they always said the same damned thing. Bunch of assholes.”
My tail set to wagging at the idea of Chris and his captain shouting into a phone at some other Human half the world away about something that felt all too familiar. “Anyways, we get everything set up on the testing field outside of Dayside, get the systems mounted into their cooling and fuel channels before we start spooling the core up and putting power to the drive. Before too long Tavareth announces that everything looks stable and we can begin putting load onto the system, everything climbs their scales well. The warp field levels off with the expected fluctuations of a drive being operated way too far into a gravity well to maintain any real stability and the core temperature looks good. Everything’s holding steady, Tavareth looks pleased, the rest of my project-herd is congratulating each other on a project completed.”
“Then the core temp starts climbing, blooming well beyond any ‘acceptable’ overheating limiter Quilleth, Uderek or Ofent could have seen fit to set. I looked over and found all three of them watching the core start to melt down in disbelief as Tavereth slams down every single E-stop he can find on the command console. Suddenly everything stops, the room goes quiet as the distant, now glowing white core is dumped straight into an abort tank to expend its… energy somewhere a bit safer. ”
“Tavereth whipped around faster than I’d ever seen that big old Mazic move and oh stars was he furious!” I bleated, tossing my paws in the air at the memory of him studying each of us in turn before launching into an angry tirade. “That core was as bright as the stars themselves but it had nothing on the bloom positively glowing beneath Quilleth’s coat! He laid into all of us for a solid five minutes, calling out everything that could have gone wrong under Sollaglick’s light and I didn’t say a thing until she tried to blame me for forgetting to install the limiters!”
I saw the corner of Chris’ mouth curl in a tight smile, he knew what was coming but it still felt so good to be able to revel in it with my own herd, pack or whatever we should have been called. “Then I threw her own write up right back at her! Pointed out every note that explicitly called out that I only worked on the drive and that the core was all them, more specifically that SHE was supposed to have installed the limiters almost a herd before according to their schedule!”
“Uderek, Ofent and I all got a stern warning about why you should always check your herd-mates’ work and I got a gruff ‘good work’ for the drive before Tavereth positively berated Quilleth for the next quarter claw! Those two were good to me for the tail end of the semester, I’d hoped they’d try to keep in touch after we went our separate ways but… well they really didn’t.” I sighed with a shrug, the sun falling from my field at the memory of the last time I’d seen the chipper Gojid and our Tilfish friend.
“Well, hopefully things are going good for them, sometimes folks get busy… maybe they figure they don’t wanna bother you! ‘Specially now that you got your own ship and whatnot!” Chris comforted, his hands tracing wonderfully comforting circles through my wool.
Could always try to get in contact again if we make it through this.
>Agreed.< “Maybe I should, would be nice to have even more paws onto look at any of the problems Darno and I can’t… Stars above what is that?!”
My breath hitched in my throat as I looked to the stars, watching as the fleets high above began to exchange zipping tails of blue and green. A horrid, deadly light show filled the void high above earth, ships on both sides taking and serving hits with the fervor only people fighting for their lives, and the lives of everyone they’d ever known, could truly muster. The blazing trails of plasma slammed into the distant motes, scattering their vibrant colors in globs across the tapestry of the stars before some of them were joined by the flash of critical reactors and munition blowouts.
But amongst it all that wasn’t even the most of it.
For a brief moment I had thought the U.N. had decided to throw their entire moon at the fleet, another break-tail juke to smash as much of the fleet as they could; but the vectors were all wrong. They weren’t propelling here, they were taking off from her. The light of the moon was ablaze, obscured with towering pillars of smoke and fire, cacophonous trails of burnt oxygen and hydrogen traced a stampede directly to the extermination fleet. No, what they had actually chosen to do was far worse.
They’d stowed what looked like a never ending salvo of gargantuan missiles waiting for the exact moment to drop everything they had on the extermination fleet. A thought crossed my mind, a display from some stars-forsaken exhibit in the capital’s museum called ‘true evil’, its content was positively laughable now, about how many atomics humanity had made before they’d ’annihilated’ themselves. I think the curator had harvested the numbers a shear or two short. The sky lit up like a battery of strobes, the constant cracking light of splitting atoms nearly turning night to day as they spread like a blight through the assaulting fleet.
I couldn’t help but pull my lips back in a smile as my tail thumped rapidly against the stone beneath me. That mote of hope in my chest grew, watching the burning hulks full of people who wanted nothing more than to destroy everything about this world I’d come to love break apart, venting atmosphere as they sat, hanging in the void. Some tried to turn tail and limp away, some slipped into Earth’s gravity, their battered hull sections turning to voracious fireballs as they plummeted toward the hard, unforgiving dirt below.
Should’ve stayed home.
The thunk and twang of Chris’ instrument slipping from its case harvested my attention, my eyes sliding from the battle high above to the glowing white instrument resting in his hands. His own eyes turned to the sky, hovering for a moment as he plucked a few discordant notes from the instrument before looking back down and over to me, meeting my gaze.
“‘Suppose now’s as good a time as any.” He shrugged, giving me a small smile as I nodded, wrapping my tail around his wrist before gently nuzzling into his neck and turning my eyes back to the battle.
The sharp, plucky, barking twang of the banjo called out across the mountain tops, echoing back to us like a distant friend as Chris’ voice filled the air, joining the banjo in its reprise. The slow, wavering song danced between us just as the violence for the stars above, weaving amongs the whispering chorus of the trees and the chattering, throaty backing of evening insects.
“But I want to be where all the stupid shit I say Sounds so romantic and true.
Cause I'd rot in hell with you,
If you'd just ask me to.
I love the shitty things we do together,
Live with me in this sin forever.”
Memories flooded my mind with the words and hanging notes that echoed across the valley before us. The panic of our first solo flight as Chris pushed Shamrock for everything she’d had to give us, trying desperately to keep her in one piece as he blew past every limiter to get Maeve to the hospital as fast as we could. Concern roiling in my chest as I helped him to the truck after he’d dove into the river after, soaked to the bone, shivering and frozen but still so proud. The frustration of the two of us hard at work on Polani the paw after we’d gotten her, tail, and elbow, deep in carbon, grease and oil as we cursed everything under the stars. The fear of the cradle as the thunder of shells slamming into Polani’s hull filled her halls, the horror as one stalked me within my home…
“Cause home is the last place that I'd stand to be with anyone but you.
I'd rot in hell with you, If you'd just ask me to.
I love the shitty things we do together, Live with me in this sin forever.
Hell and you, I know you want it too.
I hope you take the shot, see this chance.
Feel the fire, and let me have this dance with you.”
I pressed into his side with a contented sigh, listening to the last echoing twangs of the Banjo and his voice as they called back across the great expanse before us. A long, cool breath filled my lungs before I leaned up to give his cheek a small, loving lick as a purr rolled through my chest. “I love everything we do together too, Love. Almost as much as I love just having you in my life at all.”
His mouth split into that broad, goofy grin as his hand pulled me just a little closer, his heavy voice rolling through me, just as comforting as always. “I love you too, Darlin’.”
“So…” I whistled, my tail twitching back and forth with amusement as I spoke into his neck. “About that dan-”
The words faltered in my mouth as a building light caught my eye, harvesting my attention skyward.
There, seemingly hanging in the sky, a pair of ships were tangled, no speared together. Both of them were burning fuel as munitions explosions wracked their hulls and trailing plumes of wispy atmosphere vented from their hulls as they plummeted to earth together, locked in their own deadly dance. The fires of re-entry blazed across both of their hulls as parts, pods and melted trails of slag broke away from both of them. The rammer’s guns opened up, sending round after round out after the escape pods that had bailed from the other ship, turning scores of them into little more than puffs of smoke that never had a chance.
As the pair grew closer I could finally make out what they were, or at least who the aggressor was. A Federation light cruiser was speared dead in her midship by the unmistakable, sleek curves of a Venlil Destroyer ending in a hextet of thrusters that still belched plumes of burning hydrogen fuel into the sky as she drove her opponent towards the certain death of the mountains below them with everything they had. The screaming roar of the ship reached my ears, their cacophonous echos casting across the mountain range like the angered, belligerent wails of someone defending everything they held dear.
That ship doesn’t have U.N. markings… Stars above that ship… those are Venlil.
“Damn…”
“Stars above…”
Chris and I watched what amounted to a grand, defiant headbutt as it traced its path down from the stars above. The pair of dancing ships continued their descent, pirouetting to the mountains below them like experienced partners just as their arms and thrusters screamed at each other like enemies with a centuries old grudge to settle.
“Shit… they’re comin’ down on Salt Pond.” Chris whispered, his eyes tracking the pair as they plummeted.
Mountains rose into sight beneath them, the distant mountain’s peak rose into the sky like it was anticipation, just hoping for the chance to dash the interloper across its face.
“H-How far is that?”
“‘Bout twenty miles as the crow flies. ‘Least no one lives on that one I think, ‘sides maybe the rangers.”
The fleets far above them were still locked in a furious fight, the monstrous flanks of the federation ships pushed on, crashing through the defenders like a harvester through wool-grass. Ships of both sides fell from their formations, ablaze like the stars around them, only growing brighter before flaring into catastrophic explosions that cast them into incalculable pieces that fell to the ground below like a meteor shower.
“Think they’ll manage?” I whispered, a sprout of fear and doubt managing to push past the stone of hope I’d done my best to embed in my heart.
“I hope so, Darlin’. I ho-“
The cacophonous screech and cavernous boom of metal crashing into stone, trees and dirt filled the air, drowning his voice out and sending birds scattering from the trees around us as the ground beneath us shuddered from the impact.
Then everything went whi-
///---///
ERROR: REMAINDER OF LOADED TRANSCRIPT CORRUPTED.
ERROR CODE: 47846-MD-EF-RI. MEMORY DAMAGED BY ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS: RADIOLOGICAL INFLUENCE.
SOLUTION: ATTEMPT RECOVERY? Y/N
Y
ATTEMPTING…
ATTEMPTING…
ATTEMPT FAILED.
SOLUTION: LOAD NEXT TRANSCRIPT IN QUEUE FOR ‘THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE BLACKSBURG BURNER AND THE SKALGAN SHOWSTOPPER’? Y/N
Y
SOLUTION ACCEPTED. LOADING NEXT TRANSCRIPT.
///---///
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(Originally posted to selfhosted)
Over the past few months, I've tested several self-hosted reverse proxy solutions for my local network and I decided to share my experience for anyone else in the market. Full disclosure: I'm not an advanced user, nor am I an authority on this subject whatsoever. I mainly use reverse proxies for accessing simple local services with SSL behind memorable URLs and haven't dipped my toes into anything more complex than integrating Authentik for SSO. I prefer file-based configuration, avoid complexity, and don't need advanced features; so this list certainly won't be valuable for everyone. Feel free to share your opinions; I'd love to hear what everyone else is using.
Here's my opinionated review of the reverse proxy solutions I've tried, ranked from most likely to recommend to newcomers to least likely:

1. Caddy: As easy as it could possibly get, and by far the most painless reverse proxy I've used. It's extremely lightweight, performant, and modular with plenty of extensions. Being able to configure my entire home network's reverse proxy hosts from a single, elegantly formatted Caddyfile is a godsend. Combined with the VS Code Server for easy configuration from a browser, I couldn't recommend a more painless solution for beginners who simply want to access their local services behind a TLD without browser warnings. Since I have my own FQDN through Cloudflare but don't have any public-facing services, I personally use the Cloudflare DNS provider Caddy addon to benefit from full SSL using just a single line of configuration. Though, if your setup is complex enough to require using the JSON config, or you rely heavily on Docker, you might also consider Traefik.
2. Traefik: Probably the most powerful and versatile option I've tried, with the necessary complexity and learning curve that entails. Can do everything Caddy can do, perhaps even better depending on who you ask. The Docker label configuration is fantastic, and I still use it on systems I haven't migrated away from Docker. I find the multiple approaches to configuration and the corresponding documentation hard to wrap my head around sometimes, but it always seems to pay off.
3. Zoraxy: Despite being relatively new, it's the best GUI-based reverse proxy solution I'm familiar with. I grew out of it quickly as it was missing very basic features like SSL via DNS challenges when I last tried it, but I'm still placing it high on the list solely for providing the only viable option for people with a phobia of config files that I currently know of. It also has a really sleek interface, although looks can be deceiving. YMMV.
4. NGINX: Old reliable. It's only this far down the list because I prefer Traefik over vanilla NGINX for more complex use cases these days and haven't used it for proxy purposes in recent memory. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about NGINX (besides finding the configuration a bit ugly) and I use it for public-facing services all the time. If you're already using NGINX, you probably have a good reason to, and this list will have zero value to you.
5. NGINX Proxy Manager: Unreliable. It's this far down the list because I'd prefer anything over NPM. Don't let its shiny user-friendly frontend fool you, as underneath lies a trove of bugs that will inevitably lead you down a rabbit hole of stale issues and nonexistent documentation. "I've been using NPM for months and have never had an issue with it." WRONG. By the time you've read this, half of your proxy hosts are offline, and the frontend login has inexplicably stopped accepting your admin account credentials. Hyperbole aside, I've never self-hosted anything as fragile and prone to sporadically breaking as NPM in its current state, which is especially unappealing for something you might be putting all of your self-hosted services behind. From what I can tell, development is primarily focused on a major overhaul (v3) rather than fixing current issues in v2. I'd recommend anything else until then, including nothing at all. Just my experience though.

Honorable mentions:

• SWAG: Haven't used this one since I moved away from Docker, but I've seen it recommended a ton and it seems the linuxserver.io guys are held in pretty high regard. It's definitely worth a look if you use Docker or want an alternative Traefik.
• HAProxy: I didn't include it in the list because I was using the OPNsense addon and nearly went insane in the process. It might have just been the GUI, but it's the only reverse proxy solution I've used that made me actively feel like a moron. Definitely has its purpose, but I personally had no reason to keep putting myself through that.

Hi. My first post on a new mild hybrid CX-5, 2,0l. Totally new to AT, AWD and Mazda. What a car! It seems absolutely perfect for our needs.

1. What are the steps I should do when pulling a boat trailer out of water, and the ground is big sized gravel?
   
2. Or when going up a steep hill with a light trailer when you can't accelerate much beforehand, and it's some gravel?
   
3. Or similar situations in winter, on ice and snow?
   

The CX-5 is the base model, "Centre-line", from Europe, that has no "Off-road mode", but it does have the "Off-road traction assist switch". I have also read something about the "second gear fixed mode", but information is hard to find.
The main area I want help with is the boat trailer situation on gravel, when the boat is still in water.
Currently my impression is that I should press the ""Off-road traction assist switch" on, and possibly put the "second gear fixed mode" on with the manual transmission mode, so the wheels don't spin too fast? Does it have enough torque to move from a stop with the second gear like this? The guidance on this seems quite lacking.
Another problem was with a light trailer on a steep hill where you could not get proper speed, so when going up the gear was too high. Maybe press more gas pedal? But then it could spin too fast?
It's the first AT car ever used, so I'm having a tough time properly understanding these kind of situations with it. The main idea to buy an AWD was to easily get the boat trailer out of water with the boat on it. The last MT & FWD car got stuck there last summer, which prompted the upgrade.
Thanks for the help!

(This was originally a comment, but I decided to make it a post to share with others.)
Over the past few months, I've tested several self-hosted reverse proxy solutions for my local network and I decided to share my experience for anyone else in the market. Full disclosure: I'm not an advanced user, nor am I an authority on this subject whatsoever. I mainly use reverse proxies for accessing simple local services with SSL behind memorable URLs and haven't dipped my toes into anything more complex than integrating Authentik for SSO. I prefer file-based configuration, avoid complexity, and don't need advanced features; so this list certainly won't be valuable for everyone. Feel free to share your opinions; I'd love to hear what everyone else is using.
Here's my opinionated review of the reverse proxy solutions I've tried, ranked from most likely to recommend to newcomers to least likely:

1. Caddy: As easy as it could possibly get, and by far the most painless reverse proxy I've used. It's extremely lightweight, performant, and modular with plenty of extensions. Being able to configure my entire home network's reverse proxy hosts from a single, elegantly formatted Caddyfile is a godsend. Combined with the VS Code Server for easy configuration from a browser, I couldn't recommend a more painless solution for beginners who simply want to access their local services behind a TLD without browser warnings. Since I have my own FQDN through Cloudflare but don't have any public-facing services, I personally use the Cloudflare DNS provider Caddy addon to benefit from full SSL using just a single line of configuration. Though, if your setup is complex enough to require using the JSON config, or you rely heavily on Docker, you might also consider Traefik.
2. Traefik: Probably the most powerful and versatile option I've tried, with the necessary complexity and learning curve that entails. Can do everything Caddy can do (perhaps even better depending on who you ask). I still use it on systems I haven't migrated away from Docker as the label system is fantastic. I find the multiple approaches to configuration and the corresponding documentation hard to wrap my head around sometimes, but it's still intuitive. Whether or not I'd recommend Traefik to "newcomers" depends entirely on what type of newcomer we're talking about: Someone already self-hosting a few services that knows the basics? Absolutely. My dad who just got a Synology for his birthday? There's probably better options.
3. Zoraxy: The best GUI-based reverse proxy solution I'm familiar with, despite being relatively new to the scene. I grew out of it quickly as it was missing very basic features like SSL via DNS challenges when I last tried it, but I'm still placing it high on the list solely for providing the only viable option for people with a phobia of config files that I currently know of. It also has a really sleek interface, although I can't say anything about long-term stability or performance. YMMV.
4. NGINX: Old reliable. It's only this far down the list because I prefer Traefik over vanilla NGINX for more complex use cases these days and haven't used it for proxy purposes in recent memory. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about NGINX (besides finding the configuration a bit ugly) and I use it for public-facing services all the time. If you're already using NGINX, you probably have a good reason to, and this list will have zero value to you.
5. NGINX Proxy Manager: Unreliable. It's this far down the list because I'd prefer anything over NPM. Don't let its shiny user-friendly frontend fool you, as underneath lies a trove of bugs that will inevitably lead you down a rabbit hole of stale issues and nonexistent documentation. "I've been using NPM for months and have never had an issue with it." WRONG. By the time you've read this, half of your proxy hosts are offline, and the frontend login has inexplicably stopped accepting your admin account credentials. Hyperbole aside, I've never self-hosted anything as fragile and prone to sporadically breaking as NPM in its current state, which is especially unappealing for something you might be putting all of your self-hosted services behind. From what I can tell, development is primarily focused on a major overhaul (v3) rather than fixing current issues in v2. I'd recommend anything else until then, including nothing at all. Just my experience though.

Honorable mentions:

• SWAG: Haven't used this one since I moved away from Docker, but I've seen it recommended a ton and it seems the linuxserver.io guys are held in pretty high regard. It's definitely worth a look if you use Docker or want an alternative Traefik.
• HAProxy: I didn't include it in the list because I was using the OPNsense addon and nearly went insane in the process. It might have just been the GUI, but it's the only reverse proxy solution I've used that made me actively feel like a moron. Definitely has its purpose, but I personally had no reason to keep putting myself through that.