This may upset some people. In fact I can count on it.
I only wrote this for 1% of you. For the rest, please disregard it.
A Different Game:
I'm not sure if I can explain this. I don't think that I totally understand it myself, but that's ok.
Long term fasting isn't about food, but you already knew that or you wouldn't be attempting a long fast.
This may not pertain to everyone that does a long fast. Maybe it won't pertain to any of them.
You may not know who I am, or of my situation. That's ok. I'm just some guy in a sub-reddit.
For me the battle is more important than the weightloss. Fasting can tear you down right to the core. It can lay you open and expose vulnerabilities that you didn't know you had.
That can be a good thing if you are ready for it. When you've faced something that stripes you down, you only have two ways to go. You either stay broken or you rebuild a new you.
Fasting isn't a team sport. The rebuilding process is a solo journey. You will face family and friends that mean well. You will face people on reddit that have watched a few videos of someone that thinks they know about fasting.
The fact is that after your first long fast, you have experience, they have hearsay.
Repeating what somebody else said about something that very few people have experienced is easy. There are way to many armchair quarterbacks.
For all intents and purposes they are standing on the sidewalk watching the parade go by.
We need to respect those people. They believe what they are saying. They don't mean to drag you down. They just don't understand that the game we are playing is nothing like the game they are playing.
Respecting them doesn't mean letting their opinions effect you. We leave their words to them. We step outside of their world.
We are outside of the box thinkers. We learn by doing, not by reading, watching, or listening.
In short, we cut our own path.
Long term fasting will cause you to question everything about your past, present, and future.
It will make you question yourself to the point that you lose the belief in your fight.
Don't be mistaken. This is war. You will fight battles every day of your fast.
TV commercials, concerned family members, concerned friends, people in the fasting reddit, all of these and more, are all battles. Each battle takes your energy to fight them.
We all have a limit as to how much unintentional abuse that we can take.
Remember, we are playing a different game. We aren't better than them, it's just a different game.
To succeed we close off there words. We smile and nod without telling them they are wrong. Their rules don't apply. Remember, ours is a different game. We need our energy for other challenges, tougher challenges.
Once we're in a long fast our mind will scream at us. It doesn't Remember why it stored the fat. How could it. We don't live in a world where using fat for energy is part of the equation.
We know the truth. Fat is fuel. Combine that fat with electrolytes and vitamins and your body has a built in smorgasbord.
You will face many days where you question whether it is worth it. Days when the scales aren't moving, and you are constantly thinking about your comfort food, can push you close to your limit. If you aren't confident and forward thinking it can break you.
We play a game that is much like chess. Our move is the result of a strategy that we decided on several moves ago. We don't make in the moment decisions. We know the obstacles but we don't care because we set this strategy in motion days before. Today is temporary. It is here and gone in the blink of an eye.
Tomorrow. That's how we win today's battle. Our mind is already in tomorrow. How can we giving in today if we are already in a tomorrow frame of mind.
Our battle is intense. As with chess, sometimes we have to sacrifice a pawn, maybe even a knight. We do this by skipping a family gathering or a superbowl party if they fall within our fasting plan.
I've missed Easter, Thanksgiving, my birthday, my mom's birthday, mother's day, and 4th of july cookouts.
This game requires sacrifice. The weightloss is great. I've lost 240 pounds, but that is irrelevant.
Our true opponent is our mind. Nothing else can matter. In truth, nothing else exists. We stand alone. Alone against family, friends, and armchair experts.
On one fast, I was on day 56. My mind was done. I didn't think I had anything left in the gas tank, but I've faced things in life that totally wiped me out. I knew there is always just a little more left if we reach deep.
I held on. My mind was screaming. I couldn't hear anything but, "give in, it's over"
I dug deep. I went to my room. I just wanted to go to bed. I climbed on my bed. I couldn't climb under the covers. That would take too much external energy. I knelt on my bed. I rocked back and forth for three hours. I was sobbing uncontrollably. My body was shaking from the depth of those sobbs.
I made it. The tears ended. The rocking ended. I collapsed on my bed and slept for hours.
I faced one of the hardest challenges in my 55 years on this planet.
That victory is mine. Nobody can take it from me. Believe it or not several people from this fasting community tried. They told me that I was lying. They said I got lucky because I didn't die. They said I would cause someone to take their last breath.
I didn't care what they said, and I don't care now. The victory is mine. Any time I struggle I look back on that morning. I remember the intensity. I fought so hard, and I won. What challenge can I face in the future that could compare. The answer is, nothing. Nothing I will face can hold a candle to that day.
I've faced some extreme challenges. My girlfriend passed from cancer while laying in the bed beside of me. My mom went to prison when I was little. Our friend was murdered. One of our friends came over after he had been shot. We were robbed at gunpoint. None of that compared.
Even Marine Corps boot camp paled in comparison to that day.
We face intense situations while fasting. This may sound bad but I hope you can experience that. I can't think of anything that could ever take me down. I look back on that day and it empowers me. With that memory I can tackle any opponent.
We play a different game. Don't forget that.
99% of people on here won't get it. Many will condemn and down vote this.
I'll say it again, we play a different game. They won't get it and thats ok.
After you face your demons. After you make it out the other side, there is nothing left to compare.
Our battle may be different but the final outcome is the same.
We win.
After that challenge,
we win because that's all we know.

To preface, I am diagnosed with autism, depression and anxiety, and there is an extremely high likelihood that I have ADHD.
Sometimes I really don’t like the way my raw emotions manifest and my behaviour frequently has to contradict that. These are some examples below:
For example, a part of me doesn’t really care if a hot person who flirts with me and gives me attention has a partner. I don’t care about the partner or the anguish they face. The only reason why I do not enable cheating is because it is still wrong to do so regardless of how I feel on the surface. Usually when this happens I end up feeling a lot of anguish and heartbreak even though I will never allow myself to enable their behaviour.
A part of me HATES when my friends ask me for favours, but I always do the favours because I care about my friends and want them to succeed.
A part of me has extremely low self esteem. Keep in mind, the objective truth is that I am an intelligent, beautiful, talented, kind, resourceful woman who has impacted the people around me in positive ways and if I was looking on the outside I would immediately see myself as a role model. My behaviour reflects someone with a healthy amount of self esteem but my emotions do not.
I don’t think this is normal. I feel very weird about this part of myself. What do I do?

The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
​

EXTENSIVE Rebirth, Remake, and OG FF7 spoilers in here.
This is a continuation of What's Actually Going On in FF7R (The White Materia) where I attempt to make sense of everything the Remake continuity added to the OG FF7 story. It really is best if you read the other thread first, just because this will be easier if i've already explained my theory on the White Materia and it's associated spell, Holy.
Another disclaimer : This is, still, just a theory, aGameTheory. Don't hate me (or square?) in the event it's completely wrong, which it has a decent chance of being.

There are only 2 things about FF7's Story that have fundamentally changed in Remake.
The White and Black Materia. Or more specifically, the Magic granted by them.

But what I want to discuss this time is (what I personally think, as of Rebirth) is one brilliant misdirection from Square Enix...in hindsight, anyway.

The Whispers

Oh no

"....What the hell was Square thinking?" -- You, probably, watching the ending to Rebirth and/or Remake

Well, they were thinking exactly what you were thinking. And they used it against you.
So getting right to it. TLDR;
The Whispers are exactly what they were said to be -- they protect fate by rejecting any changes to the Lifestream. The misdirection here is how YOU have been goaded into misinterpreting this information.
The White and Black Materia can fully explain their existence and purpose. And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the OG FF7.
Let's start with what we learned from the previous thread about the White Materia:

So what does the White Materia ACTUALLY do in FF7R?
The White Materia (Holy) gives the user access to the Lifestream. Not just a piece of its knowledge, like regular materia....but the actual lifestream itself. In doing so, they gain knowledge, like all Materia allows them to do. Knowledge of the past, the future, and everything else in flux.
But this is NOT knowledge that you're not supposed to be able to actually do anything with, **because unlike casting Fire or Lightning....**knowing the future allows you to change fate.

Materia are orbs containing knowledge of the ancients. In effect, they contain information from the lifestream itself. The White Materia's magic (Holy) is special though. The magic it contains seems to allow the user to traverse the lifestream itself. This means, in effect, the ability to interact with (and take knowledge from) the actual memories of the Lifestream.
As we know, the Lifestream is everything, everywhere, and every time. All life comes from the lifestream, and when something dies, it returns there. And its memories stay there forever, as physical places within the lifestream.
This is something Tifa observed for herself in Rebirth. In her brief time floating with the WEAPON, she was reunited with her very own memories...in a very literal fashion.
Tifa, inside the Lifestream in the middle of the Gongaga Reactor
This is the Mako pool in the Lifestream underneath Gongaga. We literally watched Tifa fall in, and physically swim to this location........so why is Tifa's house here? Along with...the Nibelheim Mountians?
A Fragmented Nibelheim, including Mt Nibel and the Bridge that Tifa and Cloud almost died on in the past.
Tifa's memories are not only being played out here....they are physically real. This is because she's inside the Lifestream. She hasn't gone anywhere, she's still in Gongaga, but look at the extent to which this pool of Mako is able to interact with one person's memories.
And also....wait a second.
This space beneath the reactor is filled with White and Black Whispers.
...I thought we killed all the whispers? What are they doing here?
We'll come back to this later.
Lets back up a bit.

Why you [probably] hated the Whispers.

Hear me out.
The "OG Storyline" has never existed in Remake. It's not a thing. And the Whispers have nothing to do with it.
\"Oh, the Whispers came because Reno doesn't die in the original game\" -- You, probably

"The whispers were put into the game as a meta commentary on how the developers just want to create their own story, but the fans won't let us, so the party fucking KILLS FATE so that Nomura or Nojima or whomever is most annoying can write whatever they want." -- The Internet. Also you. Probably.

Everyone thinks the Whispers only existed in Remake in order to ensure that the story never deviates from the OG FF7 Storyline. Every time something important is about to happen that didn't happen in the original game, the whispers intervene and correct the timeline.
This is the typical, widely accepted "Meta Commentary" explanation of the Whispers.
But it's wrong.
No, not just because this theory says so. This interpretation was ALWAYS wrong.
So the whispers are canon police, but are just gonna IGNORE stuff like this?
FF7R's storyline is self-contained. If the whispers existed to "protect the old events", then why is even Remake chocked full of shit that never happened in the OG and would actively change the story if it did?
But don't be confused -- the writers ABSOLUTELY wanted you to think this way. It's what bothered me about Remake's ending. But they were actually clever about it, and Rebirth vindicates this decision.
"Changing the Future", "Defying Fate", and "The Future is Unwritten" has nothing to do the OG FF7.
Okay good we got this out of the way, I can stop talking about Meta Analysis and get to the actual good stuff.

What the whispers were ACTUALLY doing

Remake explained what the Whispers are verbatim.
They protect fate -- the Lifestream. From Aerith, and Jenova.
The Lifestream IS Fate.

Red -"Perhaps best described as arbiters of fate. They are drawn to those who attempt to alter destiny's course and ensure they do not."
Tifa - "And you're saying that flow is somehow...fixed?
Red - "Yes. For it is the will of the planet itself."

Barret then speaks about possible bad fates. And Red XIII says this:

Barret - "So if we're destined for a bleak future, these Whispers will try to keep us on that course?"

"....Now wait just a damn minute. How in the hell could you possibly know any of that? Spouting that cryptic stuff -- which could all be bullshit!"

Red - "When Aerith reached out to me...I found this knowledge of the Whispers."

In the previous thread, we explained how Aerith has been messing with the Lifestream by mistakenly using the White Materia to obtain information she has no business knowing. The Whispers are simply reacting to her blatant misuse of this, and act to correct it.
This is very consistent, even in Pt1. The Whispers in Remake ONLY appear when someone is either:

1. Using forbidden knowledge from the Lifestream
2. Manipulating events by sharing forbidden knowledge from the lifestream
3. When something foreign attempts to force its will on the lifestream

This is the only time they act. But the THIRD one is the most important. I'm going to go through a few examples in Remake and show exactly what's happening that is causing the Whispers to intervene, and explicitly why.
After I show you this, please go back and watch videos of all these sorts of events in Remake. You will see exactly what I mean.
Okay, buckle up kids!

Violation #1 Using forbidden knowledge from the Lifestream

Watching the first appearance of Aerith in Remake gives us full clarity of what's actually happening.
Aerith is attacked by an invisible force.
Aerith is being attacked by Whispers. This is because she possesses the White Materia, and has constant access to knowledge she isn't supposed to have. They are taking it from her.
Thing to note here. Cloud cannot see the whispers. This is because he is not violating any of the 3 rules.
Sephiroth makes an appearance here.
The appearance of the \"Mental Static\" used in both Remake and Rebirth
This is a Red Herring...in fact, this is THREE brilliantly placed Red Herrings. Because the "Memory Static" that appears here belongs to both Cloud AND Aerith, and serves to confuse you on what it actually means.

1. Aerith sees Cloud, and immediately gains knowledge about them both that she is not supposed to know. Also, if you pay attention, Aerith is NOT frozen during this sequence. This is her scene just as much as it is Cloud's.
2. Cloud has yet another vision of Sephiroth, caused by his Jenova cells. This is a huge misdirection, to eventually make you think Sephiroth is popping up in places he "shouldn't be."
3. This is where Remake starts to fuck with your head. They're using the same memory effect for two different characters, for two different reasons. But the result is essentially the same -- the characters involved are having their perception altered. Remake does NOT distinguish between static caused by Holy or static caused by Jenova. They are treated equally in Remake.

The biggest red herring here though is Sephiroth.
It SEEMS unnatural that Sephiroth is appearing here, this early in the game. But it isn't unnatural -- Cloud is plagued by these visions all the time in this continuity. This is why the game gave us a Sephiroth appearance immediately after the Bombing Mission.
Now. Notice how, despite being attacked by invisible whispers, Aerith mostly seems unbothered by this.
...Almost as if she's used to it. Similar to the way Cloud is equally used to visions of Sephiroth. They BOTH carry on with the conversation as though NOTHING has happened.
The game is explicitly showing you that both of these occurrences are seen as normal for these characters. Suggesting that they have actually been dealing with them for much longer than you would think.
Aerith has another Whisper attack. Cloud is once again very confused, until this happens:
Cloud's violation of #1 through contact with Aerith
Aerith touches Cloud.
We learn later that Aerith touching you gives you knowledge you're not supposed to have. Thus, Cloud is now in violation of Rule #1 -- Forbidden Knowledge. He can now observe whispers for the rest of the story.

Violation #2 Manipulating events by sharing forbidden knowledge from the lifestream

The Church Scene is a great example of this. In fact, most of the moments in Rebirth involve Aerith doing this to some degree.
The White Materia is explicitly the cause of the Whisper Attack in the church, and the game goes out of its way to make it very obvious.
Cloud Memory Static, this time it's Holy, not Jenova. (I don't have enough attachments to spell this out, so please go look at the scene after you read this.)
This is another VERY good example of Remake fucking with your head.

• Aerith brings up her White Materia in conversation
• Cloud looks at the back of Aerith's head. He has a memory static attack, and then immediately has a vision of the White Materia.
• Cloud ignores this phenoemon, because things fucking with his head is completely normal to him. He doesn't skip a beat, and suggests Aerith just doesn't know how to use it.
• Aerith playfully agrees.

The Red Herring here is obvious -- the vision of Aerith's Death. Yes, it was a vision of her death. But her death wasn't the important information the game was showing you in this scene. The White Materia was.
Regardless, the whispers did not intervene here, despite Cloud obviously glimpsing forbidden knowledge.
So why DID they intervene?
\"...Huh?\" - Cloud
Because Aerith couldn't keep her mouth shut.

1. She tells Reno that Cloud is her bodyguard. He isn't. Reno is.
2. She exposed that he was a Soldier. Reno explicitly does not like Soldiers.
3. She already knew that Cloud was doing mercenary work, and used this to persuade him.

Cloud told her none of this information. But it caught Reno's attention. And what was the result?

*Sizes Cloud up*

"Well, you're weird enough to be one."
\"What Class are you?\"
Reno doubts Cloud's Identity as a First Class Ex-Soldier. And Cloud violently reacts to protect it.
The whispers stopped Cloud from killing Reno, NOT because Reno survives in the OG game...but because Reno's life wouldn't even be at risk here if Aerith didn't instigate this fight.
And just like the Flower scene, Remake actually sets this one up with prior character information too. -- Cloud was shown from the beginning of the game to be prone to extreme violence. He would have also executed Johnny without Tifa's intervention. So we KNOW he would have killed Reno if the Whispers didn't intervene.
Hopefully you're beginning to see a pattern here.
Here is the most obvious example of this rule triggering the Whispers.
Aerith attempting to stop Barret from doing something....
In this scene, we see Aerith clearly knows something she isn't supposed to. She wants to share with Barret that killing the President isn't a good idea...And the whispers immediately appear, threatening her to stop. By this point, Aerith is beginning to become aware of why the whispers are harassing her so much.
I covered this scene in my last post, so I wont again...but this scene is crucial towards understanding what's happening in this game. Everyone should watch this scene again. Pay attention to what happens to Aerith the moment she says "Follow the Yellow Flowers". Aerith is clearly not herself as she says this. It's almost as if someone possessed her to say it. And the Whispers absolutely swarm her as a result.

Violation #3 -- When something foreign attempts to force its will on the lifestream

And here we go. The one that caused like 90% of the confusion in Remake. To be fair, this could only really be understood in hindsight after playing Rebirth.
There are many cases in Remake where the Whispers do something that seems...odd, given their explanations as arbiters of fate. Like attacking Sector 7, silencing Hojo, or literally helping Sephiroth at the end of the game. This is because although it's clearly whispers doing it...in Remake there is no visual indication of which Will any given Whispers serve -- The Planet, or Jenova's.
They all LOOK the same.
But they absolutely ARE NOT the same -- they are separate (black and white), just like in Rebirth.
But Remake included subtle clues as a nod to this reveal in Rebirth.
The Whisper Attack on Sector 7
This is another situation where you're expected to believe that the whispers are causing a ruckus because Cloud isn't going on the second bombing mission with Avalanche. Which is something we know he does in the OG game.
But that's just because we likely misinterpreted the clues that lead up to this moment that explain exactly why this is happening : The white whispers are attempting to correct the deliberate isolation of the main party by the black whispers.
A whisper is seen lurking around in Sector 7 the day before this happens. It's extremely easy to miss.
A whisper was present in Seventh Heaven. This was shown immediately after Barret told Cloud he wasn't on the next mission and has to leave.
See...if you're comparing Remake to the OG, then this whisper shown here is 100% going to force you to misinterpret what it's doing here.
In Seventh Heaven, multiple things happen that result in a break up of the entire main party.

1. Tifa is feeling anxious about the next mission. Jesse goes out of her way to voice concerns about her involvement, leading to her getting kicked off the team for the mission.
2. Jesse then tries to aim to get Cloud placed on the team instead. Barret refuses to do this because he "doesn't want the team leaning on him."
3. Barret pays Cloud, tells him he isn't wanted on the next mission, and kicks him out the bar.
4. A whisper will literally stop you from entering Seventh Heaven again after this happens to make sure you can't fix it.

The side mission with Jesse happens.....and then this.
A whisper with Sephiroth's voice trying to keep Cloud sleep
A Whisper with Sephiroth's voice approaches Cloud in the morning. He wants him to sleep through Barret, Jesse, and Biggs going on the mission. This would have likely isolated Barret, resulting in his death. Something Jenova tries again towards the end of the game.
She really does not want Barret to stay alive, because he is the glue of Avalanche, and the main reason the events of the story begin the way they do. Cloud also likely never would have met Aerith in the church.
Jenova's whispers are trying to prevent Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, and Barret from getting together. This event would have succeeded in separating all of them.
That's why the whispers are at war with one another.
The Black ones are trying to isolate you. The white ones are correcting their meddling.
The game even STOPS you mid-combat to bring attention to the fact that the Black Whispers are being exposed.
Black Whisper being made vulnerable by something external

• You don't have to do anything to these whispers for this to happen.
• The entire screen gains a Static Memory effect....as though Cloud is being shown the truth. He even comments on it.
• After they go vulnerable, they become Black/Purple until they die.

They stop attacking after a whisper manages to isolate and injure Jesse, at which point the battle is over and all whispers leave.
And of course....there's most obvious example of this kind of massive violation from Remake....The Infamous Chapter 18.
But that's gonna have to wait for another post.
I'm out of attachments again.

TL;DR : FF7R is messing with your head.

Aerith using the White Materia in Remake is literally going through the events of the story the exact same way the player did -- with "forbidden knowledge" about how things are "supposed to be".
In Rebirth, the White Materia is empty. She no longer has knowledge of what's "supposed to happen", and thus has to accept that whatever happens, happens. This is why the "The Journey is Unknown." Not because the party killed the whispers, therefore the writers can do whatever they want. But because Aerith hid her knowledge of the future (Holy) from herself. She used to be able to know what was going to happen. Now she can't. The real Meta thing is that FF7R only really starts to make sense when you willingly abandon what you thought you already knew about the story. Those who look with clouded eyes see nothing but shadows.
Now go back through Remake with the new perspective and tell me that everything doesn't make way more sense.
Also, please tell me im crazy so I can stop writing these.
Otherwise, stay tuned for pt3 -- The Black Materia.
....Oh. One final hilarious mindblowing. Remember this?

This is where Remake starts to fuck with your head. They're using the same memory effect for two different characters, for two different reasons. But the result is essentially the same -- the characters involved are having their perception altered.
Remake does NOT distinguish between static caused by Holy or static caused by Jenova. They are treated equally in Remake.

Rebirth DOES distinguish the visual effects of memory alteration.
But only for the player.
Cloud still can't tell the difference.

okay, i am female teen, and sometimes i have suicidal thoughts, i sometimes get bullied, and shamed. i'm raised in a Christian family, and i'm a Christian myself, i believe and know that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, but i can't help but think that maybe it'd be better if i was dead so others could be happy, since they always get annoyed at me. i have a best friend, and honestly she makes my day better, when we both go to youth, i know she's a good Christian friend. I don't have a lot of friends, i go to a Christian school, and honestly most of the students in my class don't even treat me right, they interrupt me, get mad at me randomly when i just say something like, let's just say i say i tell them. "okay, RESPECTFULLY, maybe you should pray about them, that's the Christian response." when i said 'them' we were referring to a group of three boys in my class that would lets just say curse to the teacher behind their back, EXTREMELY dirty minded, and mock the teachers AND principal (who's an old lady and sacrificed their jobs to start the school), and honestly i feel like they're going on the wrong path, and i sometimes pray for them, but when the other students said they do pray for them, i told them to pray for them more.. anyways, i try and slowly move away from them because i think it's the best, since i think that they're not exactly good friends,, but the more harder i try, the more harder it is to let them go (they were my classmates since we were in kindergarten). when they act nice all of a sudden, even asking me for advice, i'm telling you... that makes my day, because they barely come to me, because i mostly come to them, and when they just ask me a question, i internally get excited. but either way, those cases are EXTREMELY rare, and i don't know what to do... every time i'm with my dad, and it's the school holidays, he'd always say that when he was younger he'd hangout with his friends, now honestly, i'm more of an inside person, but at the same time i dont' get invited to events, unless it's a family event, because i'm mostly the one that invites... i do pray that maybe the students in my class might change, and who knows maybe even me if i don't know if i'm the bad guy in this case because i know that i have my share of wrong doings, and i'm aware of that because obviously i'm not perfect.. i know i should probably get new friends, at least school friends, because the only school friends i have is either 2 guys from my class who're gamers with me, and the lower classes (my class are the current seniors in the school) because honestly the younger kids that are about a year or two younger, show me more respect than my own class does.. whenever i'm in my room and praying, i'd pray to the fact i can't breathe properly, and to the point i'm mentally breaking down, praying to God, asking Him why did He have to make me this way, i know He doesn't make mistakes, but i dont' know if i'm the problem in my friendships with others or not, i'd even beg Him to change me if i was the problem..
so if you have any advice, please share it, it would actually help, i feel like i desperately need it, because i honestly don't know what to do.

In the 19, nearly 20, years I have lived my life, I was raised a Christian by American conservatives in a middle class environment and am fortunate to experience countless memories of joy, laughter, and growth with (mostly) everybody I have met. Each memory with the people in my life holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever cherish the bond we built.
The thing is that until the end of eighth grade, I had a strange obsession with East Asia. Looking back, it was very embarrassing and I condemn my parents for enabling me to become a weeaboo (by “weeaboo”, I mean “a person who is overly obsessed with East Asian culture, especially Japanese culture, to the point that they fetishize the culture in an unhealthy way”). I was the textbook example of a weeaboo who had a terrible case of “yellow fever” (sexual preference towards East Asians). Loving the image of East Asian culture without having any real idea what it stood for and seeing the East as a utopia, my fetishization of East Asia, especially Japan, was born out of the shame I have with the Western culture I was raised in. I never felt like I could fit in with my Western peers who I often looked down upon and did not want to be associated with. It got to the point that I became unsatisfied with my home town, my physical appearance, and even my closest friends. This combined with the surge in anime, K-pop, and other media on the internet really got me hooked and believing really fetish-y things about the Sinosphere. I hate being reminded of it and have tried to move on.
However, I am thankful for my exposure to Eastern culture, though it was through a very bastardized, Westernized lens. I am grateful for my exposure, even though it started out with something as intellectually undemanding as Vocaloid music (songs sung by a Japanese voice synthesizer). The best part about the exposure was that it helped me leave Christianity and join Buddhism at age 11, which greatly helped with my mental health considering I was experiencing suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. Though I had awful misunderstandings of Buddhism in the beginning and still do not really have a Buddhist teacher, I am glad that I have the resources to connect myself with other Buddhists and take refuge in the Triple Gem.
As I left my gross misconceptions of the Sinosphere behind back when I was 14 while still having a healthy interest in it, my eyes were eventually opened to perils which threaten not only the homelands of Buddhism (East, South, and Southeast Asia), but also the sustainability of modern humans. These two perils are Western culture and capitalist fascism.
The West exoticizes and misrepresents Buddhism and the culture of its home, the East, as a whole. I am ashamed to be born in a culture where this was encouraged, which I am worried could lead me to fetishizing Eastern culture again.
But what I know for sure is that the West’s hyperindividualism is harming people, both those whose lands are invaded and its own people. This combined with the West’s growing rejection of education, including that of the knowledge the West itself has given to the world for humanity’s benefit, makes it clear that it is lacking some of the Sinosphere’s cultural strengths. Everybody should hold collectivism and education to the same degree that the Sinosphere does, otherwise we would be left with an unsustainable society that would destroy itself.
There is nothing wrong with speaking Western languages, eating Western foods, watching (most types of) Western media, wearing Western clothes, and especially nothing wrong with using Western inventions, but we are now seeing that the West’s hyperindividualism and rejection of education is destructive and spreading like a cancer.
It is only Buddhists who make an effort to assimilate to the East (had they not been born into it) who can see the West with its hyperindividualism and uneducatedness, promoted by its creation of its spreading ideologies such as capitalist fascism and social Darwinism, for what it really is: a cancer. I can now see the direction the United States, the most populated and powerful country in the West, is going due to the rise of ultra-capitalism and/or fascism supporters.
Rarely the phrase “Western”, as in “formed by the combined foundations of Greco-Roman civilization and Western Christianity” (Gabbe), raised positive thoughts in my mind since I learned about it shortly after discovering Buddhism. “Western” when used in the context of medicine is an exception to this, but we are now seeing more and more Westerners dishonor the progress their ancestors made towards modern, mainstream, dare I say, Western medicine as they fall for anti-vaccine and anti-mask pseudoscience.
Nowadays, some who use the word in a derogatory context are uneducated reactionaries that bash anything and everything Western, yet hypocritically promote the Western political ideology of fascism. A strength that a majority (though now a decreasing number) of Western countries have is their progressivism, supporting scientific advancements, women’s rights, racial equality, and the LGBT+. However, this is not just becoming less common; being a progressive Westerner is not enough, not enough to end Western imperialism, to save the sacred truths taught to us by the Shakyamuni Buddha, or to empower the working class.
Although I never fully approved of Western culture after my weeaboo phase ended, my early teen self still ended up falling into the anti-social justice warrior side of YouTube that I now recognized hindered my understanding of what actually ruined my country, the United States of America. I still did not feel comfortable calling myself a Westerner but mainly because the West did not widely accept Buddhism and has several times in its history persecuted Buddhists. At the same time, I was deceived by a bastardized form of Buddhism common among Westerners (known as “secular Buddhism”, which picks and chooses aspects of the Buddha’s teachings instead of accepting them as a whole), so I was a bit more of the classic, stereotypical atheist neckbeard who fetishized the East up until 2020. Since then, my views became more progressive similar to those of American liberals and I denounced traditionalist Western beliefs, but like the average American liberal, I did not see Western culture, both traditional and progressive, as the peril I now see it. It was not until around the end of 2023 when I discovered the Western problem.
It was a slow burn that started with my discovery of Buddhists on the internet talking about how the West misrepresented Buddhism to appeal to “self-help” consumerists, Christians, and New Age followers. In the Westerner, I originally saw only a person who followed harmless customs, traditions, and other norms that came from a part of the world where Buddhism was not the dominant religion (if you could even call the non-theistic dharma as taught by the Gautama Buddha a religion). And so, I did not believe that Western civilization needed to fall for the safety of the dharma, let alone for its own people. After all, I thought to myself, the West has contributed so much to science and the modern world as we know it. I still believe to this day that there are no superior cultures and that each one simply has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, some of which are only subjective. However, while looking through Buddhist forums, I was shocked to hear about the West’s pollution of Buddhism and my knowledge on Buddhism skyrocketed as I learned that I fell victim to the Dunning-Kruger effect. I started reading sutras and immersing myself with Buddhism by listening to those who have much more experience than I do. There are hardly any Buddhists in my community and the only Buddhist center within reach is a New Kadampa Tradition meditation center (FYI: the New Kadampa Tradition must be avoided since it has a reputation for financially exploiting members and its monastics have allegations of drug trafficking and sexual abuse), so books and the internet are all I have left.
Practicing Buddhism in the West is nearly impossible without a community, without a Buddhist teacher, without any resources written by Eastern Buddhists. Reddit user u/Tendai-Student, a “lay Tendai Student [sic] with aspirations to become a Priest [sic]” states the following:
It is exceedingly challenging for a Westerner who is interested in Buddhism to find reliable information. Bookstores' Buddhist sections are rife with myths about the religion (we will come to some of these misconceptions below). Buddhism-related disinformation abounds in university classes. Misinformation about Buddhism abounds in publications with a Buddhist theme. Even Buddhism-related english-speaking [sic] Reddit boards are prone to carry false information.
Buddhism is constantly distorted in the same way: to make it more agreeable to Abrahamic faiths(especially Christianity in the west) [sic]. To imply that it is subject to Western standards, Western religion, and Western consumerism and materialism.
…Asian teachers are frequently excluded from English-speaking Buddhist places (meditation centers, university forums, periodicals). Asians make up the majority of Buddhists in the United States, despite the fact that popular images of Buddhism in the West make it appear otherwise. In the minds of Westerners, Buddhism is a religion of white converts. They don't even pay attention to the odd lack of Asians in some Buddhist areas. (u/Tendai-Student)
It is no wonder that I went through a phase when I was a weeaboo with “yellow fever”. The Westerner commodifies and commercializes these Buddhist practices and East Asian customs like they do with several other cultures. Its misuse and stealing of Buddhism is the worst because its teachings are for us to end suffering by ridding ourselves of the three poisons: greed, ignorance, and hatred (which the Westerner promotes).
My realization of this drew me away from the West, similar to when my obsession with the East began. The difference is that my interest in the East now is not because of a fantasy born out of misguidance, especially not a sexual one. I now know that there is more to the East than its pop culture. But I cannot help thinking that none of this would have happened and I would better understand Buddhism had I been born to and raised by Buddhists in East Asia, or even a majority Buddhist country in South or Southeast Asia.
However, the possibility of a cycle starting with a yo-yoing fetishization of the East makes me anxious. When I realized what I was doing at first was fetishization, I did further research and found out that the West is to blame for its portrayal of the East in its media. This in turn makes me denounce the West and brings me back towards my obsession with the Sinosphere, which could lead to more fetishization.
Despite this, I am glad that at the very least, my interest is more than just wanting to live a kawaii lifestyle, hoping to have a “submissive housewife who will look young forever”, or all that neckbeard squick. I do have to say that there is something else that is drawing me towards the Sinosphere, not to mention that it is the region where Buddhism is dominant (the same is true to a lesser extent with the Indosphere). Even though I am not a huge fan of tradition since I am very progressive, when a region’s culture gets something right, they get it right. In addition to Buddhist values, the Sinosphere holds education and collectivism to a high degree. It is no wonder I find their people so much more intelligent and caring than people from my culture.
It is common knowledge that countries such as Japan, China, South Korea, and Singapore have the highest average IQs. To add to this (unbeknownst to many), even less developed countries, e.g. Mongolia, with high Buddhist populations around the same region, have average IQs higher than developing and undeveloped nations outside the region. The most agreed upon reason for this is cultural factors rather than genetic or economic factors. To conclude, Buddhism combined with values in the East Asian cultural sphere creates the best “brains” to represent humanity, thus the West should make way for them, especially considering the East’s superior collectivism.
Of course cultures do not stay the same forever because they change over time. One big thing that is different now in the Sinosphere and Indosphere (the latter I am mentioning because it is where Buddhism came from, though it is not as dominant in the cultural region as it was) is that they are generally much more patriarchal and anti-LGBT+ than they were up until the last several centuries. However, Buddhism treats same-sex relations and being transgender the same as heterosexuality and being cisgender (preferring celibacy among monastics, though depending on the school of Buddhism, those in the monastic order may be treated as their birth gender, even if they are transgender), and in addition, the Buddha taught that women are just as capable of attaining enlightenment as men. Even outside of Buddhism, there are records of same-sex relations as early as the Shang dynasty in China and the temple walls in Khajuraho, India depict homosexual activity. As for feminism, China was matrilineal until the Han dynasty era, when Confucianism and filial piety became mainstream in the area, while India, home to over 100 different ethnic communities, has had a few matriarchal and egalitarian societies pre-European colonization. In the modern era, numerous people in the two cultural spheres are becoming more supportive of gender equality and the LGBT+, which in some cases may be due to Westernization (not that it redeems it) or simply the individuals’ progressive political views not influenced by Western culture.
What has stayed the same for the most part, besides Buddhism, is the Sinosphere’s and Indosphere’s value of collectivism in honor-shame societies and the former cultural sphere’s emphasis on education; this is what Westerners, as well as people all over the world, need for themselves. If the West is going to fall due to hyperconsumerism, late stage capitalism, and uneducated leaders, those living in the West would be better off joining Buddhism and assimilating to the East. Arguably, the best way to do this is to move to a majority Buddhist country, preferably one in the Sinosphere (its core countries being China, Japan, the Koreas, Taiwan, and Vietnam). Leave everybody you know from your home behind, especially non-Buddhists. Just to make things clear, Westerners are not necessarily evil and it is not their fault they were raised in a Western culture, but having these people in your life will hold you back from collectivism, quality education free of anti-intellectual quackery, and above all, understanding the dharma.
After you have left everybody in your life and started anew, you can immerse yourself in the culture. Again, abandoning Western food, media, clothing, and especially inventions and scientific breakthroughs is very unnecessary. Your main focus is reprogramming your mind to think like a person (specifically a Buddhist person) in the Sinosphere/Indosphere, utilizing the high educational standards, putting the collective over the individual, and taking refuge in the Triple Gem. Before moving, though, it is best to make yourself familiar with the customs and learn the language of the place you are moving to. To aid your assimilation, it would not hurt to start dating one of the locals who strongly identifies with the culture, regardless of their race. Someone living there who is not ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian who is still very involved in the culture would be very helpful to your assimilation as one who is ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian (I am clarifying this to discourage racial fetishization). This may be difficult as you would have to win over approval from their parents, let alone convince them to see you as another Easterner, but if you manage to do so, that would be fantastic. To make things easier, you could plan to move to a country where people treat women as equals and are relatively accepting of the LGBT+ so you would not have to worry about gender roles or whatever. Think of places in the Sinosphere such as Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, or if you are planning on going to the Indosphere (which is not too big of a step down) since they did give us Buddhism after all, Nepal and Thailand. Your most important goal, however, is to rewire your brain to think in a more Sinic or Indic way and be more in touch with Buddhism.
You can hardly consider yourself a Westerner if you manage to do so, being Western only in your country of origin (and possibly race as well). I am definitely not like those other “people” from the West who strongly cling to Western culture because they just do not understand. Western cultural merit is almost solely from the proxy of our ancestors’ inventions, scientific discoveries, and political revolutions. Considering that the West is being brought towards the wrong direction in the modern era, we should get out of there culturally, if not physically, until it all hits the fan.
If the West continues its defilement of the rest of the world, when it falls, it will bring it all down with it. We must not lose or else everybody loses.
This pressure has a good side; because the bigger the great threat becomes, the more we will push ourselves to assimilate and raise children to fight for us. Considering the infectability of Western anti-intellectualism and “main character syndrome”, how could our Western peers know better? Buddhism is not a proselytizing “religion”, so our best bet is eliminating the promoter of the three poisons, the Westerner (especially the Christian Westerner), from our own lives. How it will run to us as its society collapses under itself and we welcome it to assimilate but say “we told you so”! The older I get, the better I know the Westerner. The better I know the Westerner, the easier it gets to excuse hostility against them, especially from the Sinosphere.
From my perspective, the ones to blame are not the angry, low-middle class white males in the rural United States nor the boba conservative bananas and right-wing coconuts who suck up to the West’s biggest scum, but rather the ones who have brainwashed them to fall for chauvinism, reactionarism, and laissez faire capitalism.
Realizing this, I am now closely investigating the sources of these beliefs which make up the foundation of social Darwinism and, when combined with totalitarian thinking, capitalist fascism. This is after I noticed that these systems are unsustainable and would destroy themselves from the inside out. The slow, painful destruction of communities who fall victim to them are well known to me. If one looks carefully, they can see the consequences that have been unfolding since the 2020 Coronavirus Pandemic. You may wonder: were the founders aware of this? My guess would be that they were not but were evil nonetheless because they were too selfish to think about the future, their descendants.
If this is the case, then it is the duty of us, the opponents of these ideologies, to spread the word faster than the ideologies are currently spreading in the West. It is hard for me to believe it is not the case considering that both Western political ideologies are fundamentally reactionary. Besides, I doubt they would want civilization as we know it to collapse.
I have a social Darwinist as a maternal uncle who sometimes meets with my parents, maternal grandfather, and younger brother and with his political conversations, often sourced from flawed studies, Russian news, and 4chan, I can easily study the principles of its theories. Both of my parents are also conservatives who support Trump and other immoral American politicians. Being raised by the two of them, I bet I could disguise myself as a Western right-wing traditionalist, maybe even a social Darwinist, since I know the way they speak, to whom they flock to, and how to make them give one their full attention. It would probably be easy to do this as some right-wing grifters can fool American right-wing audiences into thinking that they share the same beliefs (e.g. Thomas MacDonald).
Their kind are gullible because they do not listen to fact checkers and often do not do research to see if who they are listening to really practices what they preach.
Even though there are Westerners who are not like this, the West cannot coexist with Buddhism, let alone the cultures where it is dominant, as the West ruled by colonizing tirthikas and it will likely always be for as long as it lasts. And just because their culture is not as viable as the one founded on Buddhist, Sinic, or even Indic values does not give them the right to imperialize the rest of the world and bring it down with them. We can welcome the Westerner willing to change its ways, turn it into one of an Easterner, and have its culture go through a quick and painless demise, or the Westerner can continue its power trip, destroy everything it touches along with itself, and society will suffer a slow and painful death. This is what the conclusion that I have come to so far as I examine capitalist fascism and Westerners’ connection to it.
The Western doctrine of capitalist fascism rejects an aspect of maitrī, fulfilling beings’ basic needs, and substitutes it for a privilege towards the bourgeoisie and the exploitation of the workers’ labor (also known as Vergegenständlichung or “objectification”). Thus it denies the worth of the collective, only concerns itself with greedy individuals, and thus is immoral. Unlike what the non-Buddhist capitalist wants people to believe, all beings have an altruistic Buddha nature, but it is corrupted, being difficult to notice as it has only conditions without a beginning (listed in the Avijjā Sutta). Abandoning capitalism, both fascist and non-fascist, gives power to the people as it ensures a more guaranteed right to life instead of having not even one thousand billionaires own more than half of Earth’s population combined, more than each one of those billionaires could ever spend in their lifetimes.
Should the Westerner, especially one who pushes capitalist fascism, strengthen its grip on humanity, it can be said that it would make its own naraka.
And so I stand by my plan and encourage others to do the same because it is in the name of the Unsurpassable Enlightened One. By protecting our kind against the Westerner, we are defending the Triple Gem.
If it is not already clear, the disapproval I feel towards the societal values and prevailing norms of the West has led me to question my place in this environment. I believe that meaningful change can only be fostered if the West is put into its place and the Sino-Buddhist East motivates our minds.
In Vietnam, where the culture is predominantly Sinic with some Indic aspects and little European influence, we can see the promotion of quality education, collectivism, and Buddhism (practiced by a forgivable 15% of the population), very unlike the nearby country of the Philippines. In the Philippines, its citizens cling to the Anglo-Saxon and Hispanic culture brought to the country by American and Spaniard imperialists. The effects of this are very clear in their average IQs (Vietnam: 89.53 vs. Philippines: 81.64) and PISA scores (Vietnam: 1403 vs. Philippines: 1058). They are both developing countries in Southeast Asia that were colonized by the West, but because Vietnam kept its culture more pure and stuck to Buddhism (or at least Sinic philosophies), its people are better educated compared to the nearby Westernized countries in a similar economic situation.
In short, Westernization leads to the following:

1. The native culture becomes diluted
2. If Western thinking intrudes, mental degeneration takes hold of the native population and its society slowly degrades along with the West itself as it eats itself from the inside out

Those who cause this to happen must be stopped, especially those who endanger Buddhism. We must not wait for the fruition of their karma for their sacrilege of the Tathagata’s teachings because by then it would be too late, and even if it is instant karma, every bodhisattva’s job is to end suffering.
Those who spread the harmful ideologies bring themselves and others away from the Buddha’s word are polluting humanity by having them join their rat race that will only end in their own demise. They are leading to the ruin of many and thus, I do not consider them to be human but instead parasites.
There is a disgraceful Western belief that for a short amount of time was not held by the majority but is now very pervasive in the West and also is the foundation of reactionarism, chauvinism, and capitalism in all cultures. It says: “My individual rights matter the most and freedom means my right to violate the rights of others.”
This Western babble is followed by numerous all around the world and sows disharmony in societies where it becomes the norm. This idea provides basis for several types of Westerners, including but not limited to:

• the “Karen”; a middle-aged, entitled, often white and anti-mask/anti-vaccine female who makes trivial complaints
• the “Chud”; a racist, misogynistic, right-wing male (usually young) who browses 4chan everyday and has a high likelihood of becoming a mass shooter
• the dayangma (Hanzi: 大洋马); a sex-obsessed young adult Western female, majority white but sometimes POC, is conventionally attractive (to Westerners), sleeps around, and in some cases creates spawn that do not know their father(s)
• the angry white male; self-explanatory, right-wing and traditionalist (sometimes a social Darwnist or capitalist fascist), commonly rural, evangelical Christian and have never seen a POC before
• the “Trad Wife”; a prudish, sometimes uneducated, female who lets Western males walk all over it and raises spawn who are likely to become angry whites
• the New Agehippy; generally a teenager or young adult, a well-meaning but poorly educated white liberal or social democrat who misappropriates Buddhism and appeases Muslims
• the AmeriKKKan fathegrandfather; a middle-aged to elderly, chauvinist male with children, sometimes also grandchildren, and is unconcerned about social justice and similarly to the “Karen”, falls for pseudoscientific conspiracy theories
• the neckbearded otaku (Hiragana: おたく); a hairy white male with “yellow fever” and mediocre hygiene, for the most part subreddit/Discord server moderators who stalk and kidnap East Asian ladies (if not teenage girls)

The growth of these groups is evidence of the degradation of Western culture, showing that it must retire as the dominant culture and make way for the much more sustainable East. Once the manuṣya realm on Earth is completely tainted by the West, Buddhas can no longer arise in the world because the dharma would be known by nobody and the Vinaya are forgotten or destroyed.
The future generation will not remember the dharma unless we halt the growth of the parasitic culture that promotes overconsumption, hyperindividualism, and anti-intellectualism.
The Westerner has a remarkable contrast to the Sinic or Indic. The Westerner has a grasp on this world so strong with its weaponry since the 16th century, using force to disrupt the traditional lives of whatever native people it saw, safe for those in a few countries (even though some of those countries are still being Westernized). The Dutch, English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish built colonies from the Americas to Southeast Asia. The kingdoms were blessed with powerful militaries, strong economies, stable governments, and advanced technology that allowed their cultures to spread. But after half a millennium and looking back, was any of this really earned? And is the Westerner’s conquest over yet?
Since the Great Schism of Christianity, the Westerner trained itself for roughly one thousand years. It trained itself in several aspects, but it forgot an important piece, the dharma. The cunning Westerner, blessed with advancements, used them to tyrannize other peoples on a scale never before seen. This was the beginning of the Latter Day of the Dharma. The dharma is declining because of the savage Westerner. And so, it leeched off of any people it got a hold of, including predominantly Buddhist peoples. Even during the decolonization of the 20th century, fundamentalist Christianity spread and threatened the dharma. To make matters worse, previously Buddhist peoples clung to Christianity as taught by their colonizers; the French in Vietnam and the Spanish and Americans in the Philippines. To this day, the Philippines is a lost cause along with its majority Muslim neighbors in Maritime Southeast Asia. The cunning Westerner turned the Filipino against us and now Buddhists make up only 2% of the Philippines’ population. Now, the Westerner sees Buddhism as nothing more than an aesthetic, a self-help lifestyle, or a decoration that they can commercialize and cherry pick aspects to integrate into their religion or lack thereof.
It is excellent for someone from the West to learn the dharma as this will turn them into a more compassionate and wise person, but they must not enforce the Western gaze onto it and discard parts of the Shakyamuni Buddha’s words they do not like. To be fair, some aspects of Buddhism would be nearly impossible for a Westerner to understand unless they assimilate.
Buddhism is not materialist or blind belief without evidence and it belongs to the East, so stop pretending to be something you are not while pushing stereotypes of Asian Buddhists.
However, even though Buddhism is not materialist or very in line with the Western worldview, it is uniquely human. Walpola Rahula, a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk and writer explains it this way:
Among the founders of religions the Buddha (if we are permitted to call him the founder of a religion in the popular sense of the term) was the only teacher who did not claim to be other than a human being, pure and simple. Other teachers were either God, or his incarnations in different forms, or inspired by him. The Buddha was not only a human being; he claimed no inspiration from any god or external power either. He attributed all his realization, attainments and achievements to human endeavour and human intelligence. A man and only a man can become Buddha. Every man has within himself the potentiality of becoming a Buddha, if he so wills it and endeavours. We can call the Buddha a man par excellence. He was so perfect in his 'human-ness' that he came to be regarded later in popular religion almost as 'super-human'. Man's position, according to Buddhism, is supreme. Man is his own master, and there is no higher being or power that sits in judgment over his destiny. (Rahula 3)
How could one even consider the Westerners who diluted Buddhism human themselves at this point? If it were not for them, Westerners may have a better understanding of the teachings of the “man par excellence”. We are lucky that the only Westerners who necessarily see us as inferior are white nationalists and fundamentalist Christians, otherwise the Westerner could have committed a genocide that would have left millions of us dead. Westerners are competitive beings, so they rarely act in concord towards each other. It is only when there is something that draws them together or away from a common danger.
If everybody on Earth becomes a Westerner, they would wallow in their shamelessness and would have nobody left to exploit except for each other until they destroy themselves.
Until they are the only ones left, they will vilify and exploit anything non-Western until they only have each other, then leading to a chaotic world of undignified militaries, economic inequality, corrupt governments, and little or no innovations.
Unless the Westerner considers even the slightest of inspiration from the East, it will continue to follow hyperindividualism and have apathy towards its education. That is why the West is falling. Those from the West who are smart enough to realize that the West’s flaws that it spreads are deciding that the West is not worth maintaining and its resignation is overdue. If those from the West abandon it to assimilate to the East, it would make the West’s death quicker but more dignified.
This is more than a fad but rather the realization that Western society would be best being a passing fad itself. The West gave us great inventions, food, clothes, scientific discoveries, etc. and once it is gone, the East can pick up where it left off just fine.
We will never abandon the Triple Gem because we recognize it to be more than a spiritual, exotic aesthetic or trend. To do so would make us just like those others in the West who Asian Buddhists look down upon. When the time is right, each and every one of us will surround ourselves with the people who know the dharma better than anyone you have met in the West and we can finally be at their level. We shall be Western only in our country of origin and/or race, but in every other way, we will be Easterners; Buddhist Easterners who will take back what rightfully belongs to us.
When we (and hopefully Buddhists outside of both the Eastern and the Western world) do this, consumerism will lose some of its biggest prey. Even though it may not seem like it at first considering we are abandoning everyone we have ever known, we are doing our ancestors a favor by joining the culture that strives towards the end of suffering. We will be leaving our cultures’ ways of thinking behind, but doing this will save face for our lineage, especially the Western lineage as we would be preventing the creation of more “Karens”, “Chuds”, dayangmas, “neckbeards”, and other degenerates. We will not be annoying dorky nerds and certainly not “neckbeards” who are overly obsessed with and fetishize the culture but people making an effort to get closer to the dharma and surrender to the East.
Although we are collectivists, we must seek personal liberation first for the good of other beings. Once the West collapses and its former supporters come running to us, we shall welcome them. If some do not recognize this before it is too late, well boo hoo! They will have a better birth with the world we will create. Some of them, especially their unlucky spawn, would probably be better off dead and reborn into a better life, maybe even the Pure Land.
The way it is looking now, the West is falling and becoming the world’s laughingstock, which is a good thing. The quicker it falls, the less painful it will be for the Westerner and everybody else. Western culture will not be missed, but we can keep the best of it and continue the innovations that the creators would wish to see. We will remember the legacy of them and be thankful while never forgiving or forgetting the ones who ruined the West.
Works Cited
“Ignorance Avijjā Sutta (AN 10:61).” Translated by Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu. Dhammatalks. 2017, https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN10_61.html. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Gabbe. “Western Culture.” Wikipedia. 25 May 2024. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_culture#:~:text=The%20core%20of%20Western%20civilization,Roman%20civilization%20and%20Western%20Christianity. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Rahula Thero, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught. Oneworld Publications, 1959. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “栄真Eishin (u/Tendai-Student).” Reddit, 31 May 2024, https://www.reddit.com/useTendai-Student/. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “Buddhism is being MISREPRESENTED in the West Marginalisation, cultural appropriation, misconceptions and what you can do.” Reddit, 2023, https://www.reddit.com/WrongBuddhism/comments/14zc6xg/buddhism_is_being_misrepresented_in_the_west/. Accessed 31 May 2024.

The subreddit AceAttorneyCirclejerk has been looked at by many other people as simply a dumb anime meme subreddit where people post seemingly nonsensical posts relating to characters and themes from the popular visual novel series Ace Attorney. But, after my intense research and study of this subreddit and its strange user behavior, I can say there is far more than what meets the eye. This subreddit and its culture is one of the most genius, abstract, and deep critique on the troubles of modern society.
Let's start first with a phrase that I once heard someone say on here:
"I jork my peanits to edging worth"
This is a very interesting statement for multiple reasons. Firstly, we should note that "edging worth" is in reference to a popular Ace Attorney character, Miles Edgeworth. However, "edging" is also an internet term used by Generation Alpha, which perhaps shows the slow corruption that their influence has on society through that part of the statement. However, the rest of the sentence is even more intriguing. Peanits sounds like "penis" which is part of the male genital anatomy and is commonly used in "masterbating" where you use it to get sexual pleasure. This is obviously the surface theme that the sentence wants to allude to, but as already shown, there is always a deeper meaning with this subreddit. Peanits also sounds like "peanuts" which is a common food that is best known for being used in peanut butter. Keep this in mind for later. Meanwhile, "jork" is meant to sound like "jerk" which again on the surface seems like a masterbating joke, but is something far more deep. If we use the idea that "peanits" means "peanuts" then that changes the entire meaning of the sentence. This person is now "jerking their peanuts to Edgeworth" which can be interpreted in many interesting ways, one of them being that they are aggressively trying to get a peanut to understanding Miles Edgeworth's character. That is quite an odd thing. Do you what else is odd? The previously mentioned "edging" internet trend.
It's all coming together.
With this, there is only one conclusion we can draw. This sentence is a commentary on how odd society has gotten due to the influence of modern internet trends and how much our lives have changed because of them. When I first discovered this, I was shocked. This was an extremely creative and subversive work of art in a sentence. What so many perceive as a simple minded joke is actually a theme so deep I doubt even the greatest writers of today could live up to it.
However, that is not my only point of discussion. I would also like to bring your attention to the most popular joke on this community.
The molars.
On this subreddit, there exists a very popular image in which Miles Edgeworth is holding Phoenix Wright's head while inspecting his mouth, or his "molars" as many say. However, when taking the context of "molars" into the question, this becomes a very creative and intriguing image. First of all, it's important to know that Miles Edgeworth is a prosecutor, which is a profession. He also is inspecting Phoenix's molars, which shows that he has quite a lot of knowledge on dental work and dentistry, which is also a profession. Two very different professions, yet are still linked in this image. Two very different colors, blue and red, yet they are linked in this image.
It's all coming together.
I believe that the fact that there is clearly duality between professions here (prosecutor, dentist, and lawyer) is a GENIUS critique on how inflation has ruined society. Not convinced? Inflation of prices requires more money. And how do you get more money? Through more jobs. Many people today must work two jobs to keep up with the constantly inflating taxes and prices. And the fact that ALL OF THIS was conveyed in just one image, while disguising itself as nothing more than lazy ship art, is one of the deepest, most abstract, and most creative depictions of the troubles of society.
Now that I know the truth behind AceAttorneyCirclejerk, I feel as if it was information I wasn't supposed to know. I've already gotten hate from quite a few different people now and I believe the FBI is onto me. It's currently 4:30 in the morning and I've been packing up my stuff to move into Brazil tomorrow. If I don't make it and they get me, I'm posting this which encapsulates all my findings. This is one of the most genius things I have ever seen, it transcends the very nature of the human mind. I hope I don't die. Please wish me good luck. Thanks.

Here it is. Every track that was put out by the label Fischkopf Hamburg, from all records they released. Listed, ordered, with a little comment / short review / description added to each one. Note that the "chart" concept might be a bit misleading here: Essentially, we love *all* Fischkopf tracks and think they are great. So, if a track is at number 101 or 124 in this chart, this does not mean it's a bad track - to the contrary! It's all good stuff (but some is a little better ;) We just thought the charts format would be a good idea; to present the label's catalogue, increase awareness of its music, and give somewhat of an overview of the material the label released. (And some of the comments aim to be in the typical tongue-in-cheek, lighthearted attitude, and style of the 90s hardcore fanzines)
More info about Fischkopf Hamburg can be found here:
https://hardcoretechnoprimer.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-story-of-fischkopf.html
But let us begin:
1.Taciturne - Phenprocoumon
very inventive hardcore techno track. a good example of the kind of music Fischkopf Records released. commodore amiga hardcore sound. uses broken, unusual rhythms, not typical 4/4 hardcore techno sequences. very noisy and abrasive. at the same time, a "far eastern" ambient melody is used in this track, which is very calm and soothing. this creates a very interesting clash between the harsh, abrasive elements, and the calm melody.
2.Auto-Psy - Oxyde
A legendary track made by Stella Michelsen. Hardcore Techno. From France. Industrial. Raw. Surreal. Manipulated vocals. Ambient elements. Immortal.
3.No Name - Latex
Aggressive Overture produced by Poka Michelson. Extremely unorthodox. Noisy. Close to avantgarde music. Glorious.
4.Fields Of Defacement - Urticated
Acidcore. Experimental. Project by Lasse Steen. Unusual sound. Hypnotic melody. Very Techno-like.
5.Christoph De Babalon - Babylon 90210
Dreamy. Futuristic. Sci-Fi. Jungle, Breakcore. Done on an amiga 500. By a producer from Hamburg.
6.Amiga Shock Force - Keep Your Enemies Close
By cult producers from germany. Not really hardcore techno. Almost soft, calm. Use of breakbeats. Commodore Amiga sound. Digital, lofi, sizzling. Very good.
7.Cybermouse - My Dorectives
Proto-Doomcore techno track. Very unusual. Entrancing. Techno-style. Drone that gets modulated throughout the track. Mid-tempo. Use of loops. Creates a surreal feel.
8.Eradicator - You're Lieing Pig
The only breakcore track on the "Agit Prop" LP. very lo fi, very thin sound. strange sound fx, bleeps, almost videogame-like sounds. overdriven breakbeat rhythm running throughout the track. sparsely used other elements such as distorted guitars and an aggressive vocal sample. great work by Patric Catani under his "Eradicator" alias.
9.Fields Of Defacement - Bang-Bang (Live In Hamburg 96)
Live recording. Brutal. Acidcore. With gabber and general hardcore elements. Entrancing. Exalted. Shows the power of a hardcore techno live performance.
10.Taciturne - Mourning
Probably the best known track by Taciturne next to "Der Toten". was included in Manu Le Malin's "Biomechanik" compilation. Use of ambient sounds next to a midtempo, industrial hardcore techno drum. very minimal, very few elements, not even hi hats snares or other percussion apart from the drum. crispy noisy 8 bit commodore amiga sound. legendary track.
11.Eradicator - Thou Shall Kill
one of the best tracks on the agit prop LP. fast beats, guitars, synth, noises, and a strange vocal.
12.Cybermouse - Overreacting
electro beats. non four-to-the-floor rhythm. commodore amiga sound.
13.Monoloop - Underwater Trumpet
very interesting. unique early breakcore. drone, ambient sounds mixed with hard and rough breakbeats. very surreal, futuristic. this track could only have been produced in hamburg.
14.Auto-Psy - Neutron
experimental merciless distorted ambient hardcore techno.
15.Burning Lazy Persons - If The Truth Be Known
very brutal. one of the hardest by burning lazy persons. guitars and fast beats.
16.Orderly Chaos - Melt Away Love
pure ambient track. interesting, repeated melody. wonderful track.
17.No Name - Control
one of the most classic and most fierce hardcore tracks. if you haven't heard this one, you are missing out!
18.Mathey Olivier - Residential Volume
heavy and loud drums, noises, funny intro.
19.R.A.W. - Cold War Memory Nightmare
great, great early breakcore. interesting use of sounds and "melody". also a good but haunting cold-war feel.
20.EPC - Where Do You Go?
perfect hardcore track, with radar / space-transmission like sounds. very industrial.
21.Fields Of Defacement - Attached
one of the most bittersweet dark and disturbing melodies in hardcore techno. set to arrhythmic beats and fragile manipulated percussion.
22.Eradicator - Titan
included on the 90s hardcore cd compilation "mururoa test 1". truly experimental hard electronics.
23.Amiga Shock Force - Psycore Pt. 1
slow intro. amiga computer sounds. hissing, noisy, overdriven. surreal feel.
24.Taciturne - In Nomine Dei Nostri Satanas Luciferi Excelsi
samples the chuch of satan. non 4/4 beats. slow, distorted, noisy. dark and scary.
25.Trash Enemy HQ - Pestilence
truly interesting track. acid sounds. very dark and epic melody. no real hardcore beats and rhythm. close to industrial.
26.Eradicator - Brujeria
perfect bloodthirsty "e-de cologne"-style gabber. shouts and heavy metal guitars.
27.Christoph De Babalon - Pleased With Being Alive
one of our favorite christoph de babalon tracks. pure future and cyberdelic feel. a true classic.
28.Taciturne - Der Toten
the one and only fischkopf track that became a real "hit". was in high demand in the dutch gabber scene and ended up on countless compilations. as you probably already know this track, I don't need to describe it here :-)
29.Cybermouse - War Is Hell
maybe the most brutal track by cybermouse. early speedcore. very minimal. anti-war message.
30.M.C.P. - Overload 30303
arhythmic hardcore inferno
31.Auto-Psy - If
when i played this track, a guy once asked me "what kind of terrorist music is this?". good description!
32.Eradicator - M.C.P.
samples the movie tron. genuine 90s experimental hardcore.
33.No Name - Ydroid
Slick and without mercy.
34.Taciturne - Haematopan F
hardcore to blow your teeth out.
35.Cybermouse - Gulp
also one of cybermouse's most hardcore tracks. midtempo bounding 909 next to acid sounds.
36.Christoph De Babalon - I Own Death
the first track on his fisch 12". long, long intro. then it unleashes its full force with distorted breakbeats and a powerful melody.
37.Eradicator - Used Against Us (Remix)
Experimental gabber, ambient intro, rough sound, metal guitars. Juno hoover rave sounds. Murderous, nasty, and epic.
38.Auto-Psy - Escape
one of the most outstanding "hardcore" tracks ever. a symphony of drones, fx, noises and bassdrums. over seven minutes.
39.Burning Lazy Persons - Hyper Bitch
an early speed record. brutal and shocking.
40.No Name - Koma
so psycho, so evil, so mean. can you take it?
41.Auto-Psy - Go Out
a submarine is out of control, explosions shake the vessel, metal clanking is heard, and people scream in terror. then the sounds fade out into the cold dark blue depths.
42.Monoloop - Underwater Feelings (Live Alone Mix)
one of the most interesting tracks on this ep. fake live act. ferocious early breakcore with sophisticated production values.
43.Monoloop - Underwater Feelings
very sweet, very relaxed ambient sounds, mixed with hard breakbeats. pianos, water splashing, whales' whistling.
44.Amiga Shock Force - 24 Hour Connection
another true amigacore classic! ruthless and heavy.
45.Cybermouse - Datenvernichtung
comparable to early french noisecore. nice and evil.
46.Taciturne - Phenylephrin-Hydrochlorid
everyone knows "mourning" and "der toten", but this one is great too. proto-doomcore with a haunting drone, then gets faster towards the end.
47.Eradicator - Worringen
Heavy track with pounding steel drums, noisy synths, screams, everything you need.
48.Eradicator - Fucking Bitch Called Walker
Is that patric screaming? Menacing uncoventional hardcore gabber techno.
49.Cybermouse - Noishead
Early noise hardcore. The noise treatment for hardcore heads.
50.No Name - 01100010
didn't the german dance act "das modul" have a similar track title? but this one is hardcore, for sure!
51.Cybermouse - Adrenalin Structure
first track of the first fischkopf release. epic. was first released on an commodore amiga diskette magazine. not 4/4 hardcore, but wicked and strange electro sounds.
52.Monoloop - Chill Out
breakcore madness in between being chilled (as indicated by the piano) and being killed (as indicated by the screams).
53.M.C.P. - Overload MS 50
very aphex twin like, great experimental hardcore.
54.EPC - Autoplasie
Noisecore for your mind!
55.Burning Lazy Persons - Frd
a hammer coming down on your skull.
56.P. Server - Wires (Break)
a recording of audio wires that have been broken?
57.Fields Of Defacement - Uptight
melancholic melodic hard core tech-no?
58.EPC - R 624-2
Techno chopped up and turned into noise. Very analogue feel.
59.EPC - Persistance
Oh what a beatiful noise!
60.Eradicator - I Cum Blood
Evil experimental gabber insanity.
61.Auto-Psy - Ovoide
first track on this great ep. sounds that invoke the images of a runaway train accelerating straight to hell.
62.Auto-Psy - Andropose
the tranquil intro might give you the impression it's time to relax now, on this ep. but then the beats hammer on.
63.Eradicator - Destroy It Yourself (Remix)
March into hardcore disturbia..
64.Taciturne - Liquid Theatre
strange ambient intro. cult track.
65.M.C.P. - Overload RZ-1
hardcore machines got out of control and force people to dance to their death.
66.Auto-Psy - Clear
"null... null... null..." when i put on this record for the first time, i totally fell in love with this sound and all that followed.
67.P. Server - Ratings (Terror Unit H.Q.)
cool monotonous acidcore track.
68.M.C.P. - Overload Sigma
mental gabber up your cranium.
69.Amiga Shock Force - Sex, Mord Und Kunst
one of the fastest tracks of its era. hyperfast beats next to crazy rap samples.
70.Taciturne - Boys Don't Cry (Revisited)
robert smith would be proud!
71.No Name - Black Dream
help me. i hear voices. they are distorted. just as the drums.
72.No Name - 0.Vin .I
slowing down a bit. but not one bit less relentless.
73.Mathey Olivier - Easy Recording Aera
the last track of the last official fischkopf release. going out with a bang! and it's good-bye.
74.No Name - Kamasutra
i wonder what kamasutra technique inspires one to produce such devilish hardcore from hell like this. but then, it might be better to not find out.
75.Eradicator - Us Against Us
not as good as the revisit, but great nevertheless. tough experimental gabber.
76.Amiga Shock Force - Violent Geisha
mix between breakcore and early speedcore with an amiga feel.
77.Burning Lazy Persons - Poisoned Radio Wave
ooh, painful audio signals and overly distorted hardcore drums. i'm luving it.
78.Eradicator - Streptocock Gee
one of two true breakcore tracks patric catani did for fischkopf. excellent!
79.Taciturne - Praxis Dr. Fischer
Legendary drone-speedcore track. Doctor Fischer has the cure for you! Just go to his praxis.
80.Monoloop - The Dreamer
already a foreshadowing of the "ambient-breakcore" on fischkopf 13. epic!
81.Burning Lazy Persons - Garden Of The Permanent
this is crazy!
82.Burning Lazy Persons - Nakano Shit
man, this is some of the roughest hardcore that i ever heard.
83.EPC - Infectious Properties
these sounds bash right through your skull.
84.Fields Of Defacement - Found & Lost
Stones and flowers on the ground We are found and lost But love is gonna save us
85.Burning Lazy Persons - Fake
"die maschinen die maschinen die maschinen"? whatever. this machine kills!
86.Eradicator - Impulse To Destroy
the other "oversize" track on the agit prop LP. fierce drums and percussion. plenty of noise.
87.Eradicator - Distorted
Very distorted indeed! Fantastic.
88.Eradicator - Split Wide Open
Powerful radical hardcore with acid elements.
89.Burning Lazy Persons - Catastro
The overdose of noise and drums.
90.Taciturne - Krach-Aran-RMX
Now this is just krach! But a good one.
91.Eradicator - Cologne Boring M.F.
Hyperfast mental metal hardcore madness.
92.Orderly Chaos - 45m
The so real dark ambient experience.
93.Burning Lazy Persons - Kone Kane Dayone
a very very wild ride.
94.P. Server - Pulley
excellent lasse steen production. has some rave elements.
95.Amiga Shock Force - Mass Appeal Madness
one of the most "poppy" tracks on fischkopf as it samples james brown. crazy hardcore gabber.
96.Jean Bach - Tausend Stimmen
very crazy and over the top track by jean bach. heavy distortion.
97.Eradicator - Destroy It Yourself
Sepultura samples, weird noises, gabber drums - perfect!
98.Christoph De Babalon - Promise, Broken
total future psychedelic breakcore.
99.Trash Enemy H. Q. - Braintraining
noise and distortion with a painful sound without drums or anything else.
100.Taciturne - Avarie De Machine
made up of sounds of heavy machinery? great!
101.No Name - Message
we got the message and the message was clear.
102.No name - Help
get on a hardcore trip faster than light.
103.Eradicator - Starving
epic ambient intro.
104.No Name - Start E·nd
it starts and ends in torturous hardcore agony.
105.No Name - A
"a" total french insane techno track.
106.Monoloop - Second Trumpet
in style similar to the other 3 tracks on fisch 13. has a heavy jazz feel.
107.Shangoe - Army Of Darkness
interesting breakcore out of hamburg.
108.Eradicator - Agitprop Troop
interesting noise experiment.
109.Eradicator - Forkboy
early speedcore track. guitars and hyperspeed drums.
110.Taciturne - Dexpanthenol
riots of noise, distortion, and brutality.
111.Monoloop - Drum Da Style
stylish early breakcore.
112.Mathey Olivier - Second Transmission
mad scientist hardcore.
113.Mathey Olivier - Well Done!
the acid sounds from outer space invade the second part of this great french hardcore track. well done indeed!
114.P. Server - Epigraph
lasse steen delivers with this great dark acidtechno track.
115.Taciturne - Krank
total "kranker" hardcore!
116.P. Server - Plunger
all power to the 303!
117.P. Server - Psave
legit 90s acid hardcore. rough production values, almost as if mastered from cassette tape.
118.P. Server - Dispatching
hardcore up your acid!
119.Fields Of Defacement - Dark.R
the 808 gets the full-on distortion treatment.
120.Eradicator - Enter Three Witches
one of two "oversize" tracks on the agit prop LP. on four-to-the floor beats. ambient outro.
121.Eradicator - Widerstand
noisy agit prop sounds!
122.P. Server - Banging Happening
gabber-acid.
123.Fields Of Defacement - Corkscrew
Wonderful monotonous hardcore without bleeps or melodies.
124.Amiga Shock Force - Shoot 'em Breax
A perfect early breakcore track. Hip hop and guitars.
125.Cybermouse - Obstreperous
Very experimental techno / hardcore track. Acid like sounds, great use of percussion, and a sci-fi feel.
126.P. Server - Metal Disposition
acid gabber brutality.
127.Burning Lazy Persons - "R"
vicious nice and nasty track by nawoto suzuki.
128.Burning Lazy Persons - Dorami De Onanie (240 Vers.)
faster onanism.
129.Johnny Ego - Untitled
again an interesting hamburg breakbeat track.
130.Orderly Chaos - Pine
painful sounds and pure ambient.
131.R.A.W. - Sudden Death
the other r.a.w. track from the otaku compilation. impressive as well!
132.EPC & A.N.T.I. - Sharpomatic
noisy hardcore with a total "piss off!" attitude.
133.Burning Lazy Persons - Dorami De Onanie
onanism will give you a mental disorder that allows you to create wonderful nasty hardcore tracks like this.
134.Burning Lazy Persons - Fish Tenpuraaaaa
fish fried well, and served for this solid hardcore dish.
135.Burning Lazy Persons - Mongolian Chop
typical nawoto suzuki. mental and dangerous. awesome.
136.Burning Lazy Persons - Niko Niko Satujin Dan
ooh I'm freaking out.
137.Taciturne - Boys Don't Cry RMX
the original "remix" version. i'm also lovin' it.
138.Taciturne - Evil Dead
a kick straight to the face.
139.P. Server - Intensioner
wonderful acid techno.
140.Eradicator - Liebe Und Verbrechen
very strange and surreal gabber track.
141.Monoloop - For The Lord
monumental, experimental and exceptional breakcore with a runtime of over 7 minutes.
142.Burning Lazy Persons - Rotter…damn
funny piss take on rotterdam hardcore. includes a piano, but not in a typical happy gabber way!
143.Burning Lazy Persons - T.C.H.C.
nasty and nice.
144.Monoloop - Kills Again
a track to die for.
145.Monoloop - Free Man
noone is ever free. except the experimental hardcore resistance! (or, in this case, early breakcore).
146.Taciturne - Nightchildren RMX
lullaby of terror for the night children.
147.Taciturne - Mo Punk RMX
do you feel lucky, punk?
148.Monoloop - She's A Lion
early breakcore from hamburg
So, that's it! Over and out. Did you like our charts? Let us know!

Why am i writing this?
the purpose of this document is to raise awareness on the subject and provide a proper foundation of information to the public and those who may be targeted. These types of programs and technologies will become more and more common as time goes on and it may be difficult for some to get a handle on it without this information. This information is crucial in the early stages of exposure to this technology as it can help someone differentiate between schizophrenia, the voice of "god", a false conscience, an alien technology or any voice versus the actual technology being used on them. Having a trusted voice inside your head can be very dangerous and can have devastating effects on a person if they are being led the wrong way. Many dictatorship like countries have already adopted a very aggressive form of this technology, paired with their social values and strict policies it leaves millions of humans at the mercy and control of a small group of people. Behind closed doors this technology is at the forefront of government tools to use to control the population in a way that leaves them blameless.
what is this new technology?
This technology is an assortment of different directed energy weapons and a voice to skull technology that work together to project thoughts and hit the target with varying effects. The first one that most people will experience is a form of voice to skull which does exactly what it sounds like, it has the ability to project voices in your head and can be mistaken for one's "conscience" or the "voice of God" but is just a mix of human operator and conversational AI. This is usually accompanied by the same voice re-reading your internal monologue right back to you in real time. Directional voice is also commonly used, basically it sounds like someone is in the next room over or upstairs but this is just another illusion put in your head by the technology. The voice to skull “voice” is a very advanced form of conversational AI programmed with specific scripts to fit the targets life situation and the "programs" goal for said individual. The rest of the time its the actual human operator, its about 80% AI 20% Human operator. Just as they can beam outside voices in your head they can also “suggest” or “inject” thoughts that will feel like your own thoughts but will present itself as an intruding thought, yes they know how to make you think things without you even being aware. The "program" will also use an assortement of directed energy weapons (DEW) which can cause headaches, brain zaps, heart palpitations and chest pains aswell as nausea, tinnitus, very realistic hallucinations and paralysis. Another tool used is a supressor which will essentially supress the brain by putting it into a sleep inertia like state and can be turned up or down, this can cause you to feel very sleepy and if you give in then it can put you to sleep. These tools can be combined to create various effects for example, using the supressor while raising the heartrate can cause a form of sleep paralysis while you are sleeping and so on. They can replicate almost all mental and physical health problems. Dreams are another field that this technology can manipulate with precision accuracy, dreams cannot be mistaken for anything but manipulation if you find yourself being targeted. There are hints of subconscious manipulation while you are asleep but there is not much information on this unfortunately. the program is a government level program therefore they will have access to suggest posts on the main social media’s that fits the targets situation in order to subconsciously adhere to the programs goal (instagram, Facebook, Meta apps) this fits the description for propaganda by repetition as they try to induce the illusory truth effect to double down on their goals for you. They are very well trained in psychological warfare and will use tactics like reverse psychology aswell as use/depend on cognitive biases against the target in tandem with all of these technologies.
the purpose
the purpose of this technology can vary depending on the target and the operator as well as which country it is happening in. there are a multitude of "programs" from research programs that aim to test new and existing methods and technologies on humans, this type of program is unlikely to be used on the civilian population as much as the other programs. Research programs will often leave its victims in a very disabled state often mistaken for severe mental and physical health issues. Re-education programs are used to control the population in a way to modify behavior and beliefs of the population to allign with the values and beliefs of the government that is conducting the program. Monitoring programs which are used to monitor persons of interest for potential criminal activity. People will typically fall into one or multiple programs. There is no way to tell how people are chosen for these programs.
How it works
I will begin by explaining how these different technologies work, in simple terms. The voice to skull technology essentially is a 2 way channel in which the individual and the operatoAI can communicate via thought. To achieve this, brain reading is paired with a form of microwave hearing (Extremely low frequency). the way they read thoughts is the brain will give off specific electrical signals with each thought and action and this technology can read your thoughts with a beam - probe like device that is constantly on, pointed at you and collecting your brains electrical data and translating it. They have algorithms that can decipher these specific brain signals and turn it into text which consequentially has given them a v2k word dictionary to refer to. the microwave hearing is done by sending Extremely Low Frequency energy to the skull with which is then transduced by the cochlea and in turn enables the "hearing" of voices. The “AI” or “algorithm” or “computer program” used is programmed with “Natural language processing” or NLP which is a field of artificial intelligence that focuses on interaction between humans and computers using language and what this means is it can interpret, understand and generate human language. This AI will talk to you 24/7 using this 2 way channel until a human takes over. This technology is also capable of thought insertion/suggestion and this will often present itself as very intruding thoughts that are abnormal to your day to day thought process but can be anything, it will also learn how you think and try to suggest things you normally think of to attempt a version of “mind control” which is done in a similar fashion to the v2k but is sent directly to the brain and not through the cochlea, no specific information on how this is administered unfortunately. The suppressor is essentially an Extremely Low Frequency Electromagnetic field and will induce theta brainwaves to make you sleepy this is why sometimes in the dark you will see small phosphenes or “speckles of light”. Directed energy weapons can be classed into many subclasses, the ones i am referring to are the more subtle weapons meant for targeting, disabling and harming biological beings with brain zaps as-well as headaches and fever like symptoms. Headaches are caused by an overload of radio frequency energy sent directly to the brain causing the brain to slowly expand which causes the headaches (this is why during v2k you will sometimes get headaches). Brain zaps are caused via electromagnetic pulse and can be programmed into your v2k algorithm to deter you from thinking of something they do not want you to think of, it will (if left unchecked) work in their favor. The symptoms of fever are induced by actually raising your body heat through RF directed energy, they refer to this as “RF incapacitation” and the effects can differ but people become less aggressive or more aggressive depending on the person and this can be used to amplify or reduce certain emotional reactions.
Please note that the technology of today is more advanced then what is listed on these patents, its just to show you that alot of this was possible a very long time ago.
tips :
Here i will list a couple tips to deal with these programs and technologies altough there is no straightforward solution yet these will help.
Inform yourself on how it works, do alot of digging and verify the information with other sources.
Music
Meditation
Exercise
Being outdoors
Staying off of social media.
Staying sober (very important)
Using the v2k’s natural language processing faults against it. There will Be a second document outlining this process soon.
Below i will include some useful links & patents
Here are some important patents:
US patent 4958638A (monitor vitals from a distance)
US Patent 20160375220A1 (Method to maintain peace through electromagnetic energy targeted to the brain)
US Patent 8049173B1 (this is what shows your location in real time)
US Patent 6470214B1 (voice to skull, assigned to U.S airforce in 1997)
Links
https://youtu.be/N02SK9yd60s?si=ONFisrO0ws7zuXgQ - James Giordano lecture about DEW, neuroscience
(https://www.reddit.com/emsurvival/) - survival guide
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T501LHx0R_Q) - Interview
https://www.ohchr.org/sites/default/files/Documents/Issues/Torture/Call/NGOs/VIACTECAnnex.pdf) patent list (many of these are older versions of technology or just “ideas” compared to what we have today, its just to give you an idea that this did exist a long time ago and does today. Government science is always 20-30 years ahead of conventional science.
https://www.youtube.com/live/LCYH_K850Lw?si=P_kVPnJdCUSvXc35 - United states homeland security committee on AHI’S
—— Any relevant information or corrections are appreciated.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with having nocturnal emissions. It's a completely natural physiological function.
I even dare to say that nocturnal emissions should happen in young and healthy males. If you'd have no emissions, it would mean that you have too low testosterone, testicular disease or other problems.
Be grateful that your body is healthy and working well.
Please, don't worry about it. Many ascetics are too harsh on themselves and are trying to stop their desires or bodily functions by practising extreme fasting or some even emasculate themselves. Don't damage yourself, be compassionate to yourself.
On the other hand, there is another extremity, which is the commitment to sensual pleasures, but I think it's not your case.
https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/39062

FYI I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THIS POST I WAS ASKED TO REPOST ... SORRY AITA… Am I the AITA for, I ( 36f) want my 17 year old son to know the truth, that his father didn’t just let him come live with me, I fought for him tooth and nail, spent over $15000s (not that the money means anything at all I would do it 100 times again if necessary) and many more truths he is completely oblivious of. My main goal is not to put his father down and make him look bad ( he can do that just fine on his own ;)) my main goal is for my son to understand that I never gave up trying to get him, trying to find him, tried to bring him home, and that not one minute ever went by that he wasn't on my mind. MY SON (17) has resentments with me and he is having a hard time adjusting to life not knowing the truth I feel. A therapist discouraged me from telling him " my truth" Let me share some facts before you judge. Almost 9 years ago my sons father (my ex that I was never married to, which is an important fact later on) took my son for a weekend visit, ONE OF THE FIRST WEEKEND VISITS IN OUR SONS ENTIRE YOUNG 8 YEAR OLD LIFE, and then took off out of the state. This began the UNIMAGINABLE journey of parental abduction and alienation, my son being moved to over 30 locations, some of those were living in a car, over 12 states that my son can remember, and 8 years of trauma and awful experiences that no child should ever be exposed to. Again Before you judge when I realized that they had taken off and were not at the address that was provided to me the first thing I did was notify the police. This contact with the police would set the tone for the next 8 years. The police absolutely made me feel like I had done wrong like I was guilty of some horrific crime by allowing my son to visit with his father because The father and I were not married and we did not establish any kind of set custody in the courts because up until this point my son had always been with me the father had not been really involved in his life the police informed me that this was a family court issue I needed to take it to the courts. I was extremely confused I thought that because I was his birth mother that I had custody, I continued to press the matter with the police and question them and ask them for some kind of direction or help or what can I do? Can they do anything? They said sure do you have an address to where they are? do you know where they're located right now? Not knowing or having any idea where they were they said there was nothing they could do and since I couldn’t prove that they even left the state or had intentions to leave the state that FBI couldn't help either. Also keep in mind I was in my early to mid 20s at this point very naïve a distraught emotional wreck and just clinging on to any kind of hope that the police were going to help. So a brief Cliff notes to the next about six years of hell I would artempt to go to the courts to establish emergency custody but unfortunately because I had no idea where they were I could not serve my son's father with court documents. I spoke to a judge off the record where he informed me to hire lawyers and a private investigator find where they are located have a welfare check done to make sure eyes are on my son to make sure he is OK and while that is going on start the process of having him served with court documents. Again being in my young 20s an emotional wreck not in my right mind at all because my baby boy was abducted hiring a lawyer not only where I lived, but also in the state they were hiding at in that time and private investigator on top of that just was not financially possible for me. My family and I however were able to hire a private investigator. This started another game of cat and mouse. I was trying to do this the “right” way. I was trying to obey the laws and go down this “checklist “ so to speak of what I needed to do, but whoever made this “checklist “ did not understand the mind of a narcissist Every time the private investigator would locate my son he would contact me immediately and just like the judge he would suggest to have a welfare check done to make sure my son was OK physically and also hope by some off chance that maybe the police would pick up on something illegal and that they could intervene in some way. (YA RIGHT THIS MAN IS WAY TO GOOD AT ACTING AND MANIPULATING TO BE CAUGHT SLIPPING,) Of course as a beyond worried mother all I NEEDED TO KNOW at that moment was is my son ok? Well IMMEDIATELY AFTER police or department of children and families would make contact before the court documents could be accepted by the courts my sons father would disappear with our son once again! My son was coached And taught how he was to respond to any kind of authorities when they were interviewing him, what to say if he was asked if he was safe, if anyone hurt him, he was told what to say to every possible question. I would request have DCF go and interview my son at school in hopes he would be comfortable to tell the truth away from his father, but it turns out that he was more afraid of repercussions from his father.( These interviews at the school turned out to be extremely helpful and a god send to my son. They were the only glimmer of hope my son told me he had that myself and my family were still looking for him, still loved him, and still even wanted him) there were a few instances when the planets would align and I was able to get the appropriate documents submitted before they would move again, but only to find out that because they had not lived in that jurisdiction for at least 6 months that the courts did not have authority to rule on the matter. More or less the courts didn’t want to deal with a case with so many variables. There are a ton more awful things I could and I may say at a later time but long story short my sons father finally stayed in one place long enough for the courts to have to claim jurisdiction, I was finally able to pay a lawyer To get the process at least started for me to a point I could take over, and it got to a point where my son was going to finally be able to speak to a court appointed guardian ad litem and that scared the father to death because he would end up with not only a child abuse investigation but possibly loose the other children he had and was receiving financial aid and benefits for. The Judge granted me full custody after realizing the reasoning and apologized that system failed us for so long. Now I have an extremely confused teen, who defends his father out of fear, still afraid of what his father could do to him, and he doesn’t know anything close to the truth of our horrible experience So I ask, AITA FOR WANTING MY SON TO KNOW AT LEAST SOME OF THE FACTS? Let me know if you would like more details or questions answered. Parental abduction is an unbearable situation that affects so many people for their entire lives. You would think there has to be help or organizations that can help, but at the end of the day money is the main factor and it is the victims that have to spend the most money to receive any bit of justice! :(

Journalism as an industry seems to really struggle with funding, despite how critically important it is to a functioning democracy.
The only real options (that I can think of) seem to be:

1. State owned media
2. Being owned by a billionaire
3. Writing inflammatory or otherwise less objective/truthful articles to increase engagement (any Rupert Murdoch owned media)
4. Limiting access to paying subscribers, which makes it difficult for people to get unbiased quality news (NYT/WSJ/etc)

That being said, I’m aware of some publications that don’t fit these options, like The Guardian (funded by a fund + donations).
A side effect of this seems to be that people are increasingly getting their news and information from social media because it’s free and accessible, and this has disastrous effects on society. In addition, journalists are extremely poorly paid despite the amount of work they need to do.
How can this be fixed?

TL;DR We’ve been together for over two years now. About three months before we started dating, he got out of a long term long distance relationship with his ex 23M, they never met in person, it was strictly online. He didn’t tell me it was a guy until about 2 months into our relationship, when we were drunk at a friends house. I was caught off guard because he had only ever talked about female celebrities he found attractive, female crushes he’s had in his life, etc. so I was under the impression that he was straight. And he acted like his ex was a female, never correcting me when I’d refer to his ex as “she” or “her.” Anyways. He told me that he doesn’t know if he ever truly loved him, that his ex pursued him aggressively, even tho he tried to reject them over months, his ex would threaten suicide if my boyfriend didn’t want to be with him. So he said he eventually decided to try it out. He said he was extremely lonely, didn’t feel good about his body, and needed attention from someone, which his ex seriously and unhealthily provided. He said he finally felt wanted by someone. The issue here is, why did he take 4 months of us knowing each other to admit the truth about his past relationship, and why only when he was drunk? Is it actually possible he only wanted to be with this person because they gave him attention? So, my boyfriend lied to me all the time about how the relationship was, telling me he doesn’t know if he ever truly was in love with them, and saying he wasn’t actually physically attracted to them. By accident, as I was searching something up on his phone, I found their old convos on discord. His ex never closed the convo so you could still see them if you searched up keywords. I was super taken a back by what I saw, my boyfriend was super sexual with them, even tho he told me he wasn’t. And very romantic. I asked him about it and asked why he would lie all this time and he tells me it’s because it’s just not who he is and didnt want to sabotage our relationship. The issue is NOT that he was with this guy, the issue is all the lying. My boyfriend has literally sworn on his mother’s life that he is straight, over and over again. It doesn’t make any sense tho. How can you be so sexual with another man and not be bi? He says he was only able to do it because he was lonely and thought that was the best he could get. I’m really just so confused and don’t know what to make out of this. Any advice or sharing of experiences is appreciated.

We’ve been together for over two years now. About three months before we started dating, he got out of a long term long distance relationship with his ex 23M, they never met in person, it was strictly online. He didn’t tell me it was a guy until about 2 months into our relationship, when we were drunk at a friends house. I was caught off guard because he had only ever talked about female celebrities he found attractive, female crushes he’s had in his life, etc. so I was under the impression that he was straight. And he acted like his ex was a female, never correcting me when I’d refer to his ex as “she” or “her.” Anyways. He told me that he doesn’t know if he ever truly loved him, that his ex pursued him aggressively, even tho he tried to reject them over months, his ex would threaten suicide if my boyfriend didn’t want to be with him. So he said he eventually decided to try it out. He said he was extremely lonely, didn’t feel good about his body, and needed attention from someone, which his ex seriously and unhealthily provided. He said he finally felt wanted by someone. The issue here is, why did he take 4 months of us knowing each other to admit the truth about his past relationship, and why only when he was drunk? Is it actually possible he only wanted to be with this person because they gave him attention? So, my boyfriend lied to me all the time about how the relationship was, telling me he doesn’t know if he ever truly was in love with them, and saying he wasn’t actually physically attracted to them. By accident, as I was searching something up on his phone, I found their old convos on discord. His ex never closed the convo so you could still see them if you searched up keywords. I was super taken a back by what I saw, my boyfriend was super sexual with them, even tho he told me he wasn’t. And very romantic. I asked him about it and asked why he would lie all this time and he tells me it’s because it’s just not who he is and didnt want to sabotage our relationship. The issue is NOT that he was with this guy, the issue is all the lying. My boyfriend has literally sworn on his mother’s life that he is straight, over and over again. It doesn’t make any sense tho. How can you be so sexual with another man and not be bi? He says he was only able to do it because he was lonely and thought that was the best he could get. I’m really just so confused and don’t know what to make out of this. Any advice or sharing of experiences is appreciated.

This is an unaccustomed spectacle. For the first time, fellow-citizens, badges of mourning shroud the columns and overhang the arches of this hall. These walls, which were consecrated, so long ago, to the cause of American liberty, which witnessed her infant struggles and rung with the shouts of her earliest victories, proclaim, now, that distinguished friends and champions of that great cause have fallen. It is right that it should be thus. The tears which flow, and the honors that are paid, when the founders of the republic die, give hope that the republic itself may be immortal. It is fit that, by public assembly and solemn observance, by anthem and by eulogy, we commemorate the services of national benefactors, extol their virtues, and render thanks to God for eminent blessings, early given and long continued, through their agency, to our favored country.
ADAMS and JEFFERSON are no more; and we are assembled, fellow-citizens, the aged, the middle-aged, and the young, by the spontaneous impulse of all, under the authority of the municipal government, with the presence of the chief magistrate of the Commonwealth, and others its official representatives, the University, and the learned societies, to bear our part in these manifestations of respect and gratitude which pervade the whole land. ADAMS and JEFFERSON are no more. On our fiftieth anniversary, the great day of national jubilee, in the very hour of public rejoicing, in the midst of echoing and reechoing voices of thanksgiving, while their own names were on all tongues, they took their flight together to the world of spirits.
If it be true that no one can safely be pronounced happy while he lives, if that event which terminates life can alone crown its honors and its glory, what felicity is here! The great epic of their lives, how happily concluded! Poetry itself has hardly terminated illustrious lives, and finished the career of earthly renown, by such a consummation. If we had the power, we could not wish to reverse this dispensation of the Divine Providence. The great objects of life were accomplished, the drama was ready to be closed. It has closed; our patriots have fallen; but so fallen, at such age, with such coincidence, on such a day, that we cannot rationally lament that the end has come, which we knew could not be long deferred.
Neither of these great men, fellow-citizens, could have died, at any time, without leaving an immense void in our American society. They have been so intimately, and ofr so long a time, blended with the history of the country, and especially so united, in our thoughts and recollections, with the events of the Revolution, that the death of either of them would have touched the chords of public sympathy. We should have felt that one great link, connecting us with former times, was broken; that we had lost something more, as it were, of the presence of the Revolution itself, and of the act of independence, and were driven on, by another great remove from the days of our country’s early distinction, to meet posterity and to mix with the future. Like the mariner, whom the currents of the ocean and the winds carry along until he sees the stars which have directed his course and lighted his pathless way descend one by one, beneath the rising horizon, we should have felt that the stream of time had borne us onward till another great luminary, whose light had cheered us and whose guidance we had followed, had sunk away from our sight.
But the concurrence of their death on the anniversary of Independence has naturally awakened stronger emotions. Both had been President, both had lived to great age, both were early patriots, and both were distinguished and ever honored by their immediate agency in the act of independence. It cannot but seem striking and extraordinary, that these two should live to see the fiftieth year from the date of that act/ that they should complete that yea and that then, on the day which had fast linked for ever their own fame with their country’s glory, the heavens should open to receive them both at once. As their lives themselves were the gifts of Providence, who is not willing to recognize in their happy termination, as well as in their long continuance, proofs that our country and its benefactors are objects of His care?
ADAMS and JEFFERSON, I have said, are no more. As human beings, indeed, they are no more. They are no more, as in 1776, bold and fearless advocates of independence; no more, as at subsequent periods, the head of the government; nor more, as we have recently seen them, aged and venerable objects of admiration and regard. They are no more. They are dead. But how little is there of the great and gooe which can die! To their country they yet live, and live for ever. They live in all that perpetuatesw the remembrance of men on earth; in the recorded proofs of their own great actions, in the offspring of their intellect, in the deep-engraved lines of public gratitude, and in the respect and homage of mankind. They live in their example; and they live, emphatically, and will live, in the influence which their lives and efforts, their principles and opinions, now exerciese, and will continue to exercise, on the affairs of men, not only in their own country but throughout the civilized world. A superior and commanding human intellect, a truly great man, when Heaven vouchsafes so rare a gift, is not a temporary flame, burning brightly for a while, and then giving place to returning darkness. It is rather a spark of fervent heat, as well as radiant light, with power to enkindle the common mass of human kind; so that when it glimmers in its own decay, and finally goes out in death, no night follows, but it leaves the world all light, all on fire from the potent contact of its own spirit. Bacon died; but the human understanding, roused by the touch of his miraculous wand to a perception of the true philosophy and the just mode of inquiring after truth, has kept on its course successfully and gloriously. Newton died; yet the courses of the spheres are still known, and they yet move on by the laws which he discovered, and in the orbits which he saw, and described for them, in the infinity of space.
No two men now live, fellow-citizen, perhaps it may be doubted whether any two men have ever lived in one age, who, more than those we now commemorate, have impressed on mankind their own opinions more deeply into the opinions of others, or given a more lasting direction to the current of human thought. Their work doth not perish with them. The tree which they assisted to plant will flourish, although they water it and protect it no longer; for it has struck its roots deep, it has sent them to the very centre; no storm, not of foce to burth the orb, can overturn it; its branches spread wide; they stretch their protecting arms braoder and broader, and its top is destined to reach the heavens. We are not deceived. There is no delusion here. No age will come in which the American Revolution will appear less than it is, one of the greatest events in human history. No age will come in which it shall cease to be seen and felt, on either continent, that a mighty step, a great advance, not only in American affairs, but in human affairs, was made on the 4th of July, 1776. And no age will come, we trust, so ignorant or so unjust as not to see and acknowledge the efficient agency of those we now honor in producing that momentous event.
We are not assembled, therefore, fellow-citizens, as men overwhelmed with calamity by the sudden disruption of the ties of friendship or affection, or as in despair for the republic by the untimely blighting of its hopes. Death has not surprised us by an unseasonable blow. We have, indeed, seen the tomb close, but it has closed only over mature years, over long-protracted public service, over the weakness of age, and over life itself only when the ends of living had been fulfilled. These suns, as they rose slowly and steadily, amidst clouds and storms, in their ascendant, so they have not rushed from the meridian to sink suddenly in the west. Like the mildness, the serenity, the continuing benignity of a summer’s day, they have gone down with slow-descending, grateful long-lingering light; and now that they are beyond the visible margin of the world, good omens cheer us from “the bright track of thier fiery car”!
There were many points of similarity in the lives and fortunes of these great men. They belonged to the same profession, and had pursued its studies and its practice for unequal lengths of time indeed, but with dilligence and effect. Both were learned and able lawyers. They were natives and inhabitants, respectively of those two of the Colonies which at the Revolution were the largest and most powerful and which naturally had a lead in the political affairs of the times. When the Colonies became in some degree united by the assembling of a general Congress, they were brought to act together in its deliberations, not indeed at the same time but both at early periods. Each had laready manifested his attachment to the cause of the country, as well as his ability to maintain it, by printed addresses, public speeches, extensive correspondence, and whatever other mode could be adopted for the purpose of exposing the encroachments of the British Parliament, and animating the people to a manly resistance. Both were not only decided, but early, friends of Independence. While others yet doubted, they were resolved; where others hesitated they pressed forward. They were both members of the committee for preparing the Declaration of Independence, and they constituted the sub-committee appointed by the other members to make the draft. They left their seats in Congress, being called to other public employments at periods not remote from each other, although one of them returned to it afterwards for a short time. Neither of them was of the assembly of great men which formed the present Constitution, and neither was at any time a member of Congress under its provisions. Both have been public ministers abroad, both Vice-Presidents and both Presidents of the United States. These coincidences are now singularly crowned and completed. They have died together; and they did on the anniversary of liberty…
And now, fellow-citizens, without pursuing the biography of these illustrious men further, for the present let us turn our attention to the most prominent act of their lives, their participation in the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE…
It has sometimes been said, as if it were a derogation from the merits of this paper, that it contains nothing new; that it only states grounds of proceeding and presses topics of argument, which had often been stated and pressed before. But it was not the object of the Declaration to produce any thing new. It was not to invent reasons for independence, but to state those which governed the Congress. For great and sufficient causes, it was proposed to declare independence; and the proper business of the paper to be drawn was to set for th those causes, and justify the authors of the measure, in any event of fortune, to mthe country and to posterity. The cause of American independence, moreover, was now to be presented to the world in such manner; of it might so be, as to engage its sympathy, to command its respect, to attract its admiration; and in an assembly of most able and distinguished men, THOMAS JEFFERSON had the high honor of being the selected advocate of this cause. To say that he performed his great work well, would be doing him an injustice. To say that he did excellently well, admirably well, would be inadequate and halting praise. Let us rather say, that he so discharged the duty assigned him, that all Americans may well rejoice that the work of drawing the title-deed of their liberties devolved upon him…
The Congress of the Revolution, fellow-citizens, sat with closed doors, and no report of its debates was ever made. The discussion, therefore, which accompanied this great measure, has never been preserved, except in memory and by tradition. But it is, I believe, doing to injustice to others to say, that the general opinion was, and uniformly has been, that in debate, on the side of independence, JOHN ADAMS had no equal. The great author of the Declaration himself has espressed that opinion uniformly and strongly. JOHN ADAMS, said he, in the hearing of him who has now the honor to address you, JOHN ADAMS was our colossus on the floor. Not graceful, not elegant, not always fluent, in his public addresses, he yet came out with a power both of thought and of expression, which moved us from our seats…
The eloquence of Mr. Adams resembled his general character, and formed, indeed, a part of it. It was bold, manly, and energetic; and such the crisis required. When public bodies are to be addressed on passions excited, nothing is valuable in speech farther than as it is connected with high intellectual and moral endowments. Clearness, force, and earnestness are the qualities which produce conviction. True eloquence, indeed, does not consist in speech. It cannot be brought from far. Labor and learning may toil for it, but they will toil in vain. It must exist in the man, in the subject, and in the occassion. Affected passion, intense expression, the pomp of declamation, all may aspire to it; they cannot reach it. It comes, if it comes at all, like the outbreaking of a fountain from the earth, or the bursting forth of volcanic fires, with spontaneous, original, native force. The graces taught in the schools, the costly ornaments and studied contrivances of speech, shock and disgust men, when their own lives and the fate of their wives, their children, and their country hang on the decision of the hour. Then words have lost their power, rhetoric is vain, and all elaborate oratory contemptible. Even genius itself then feels rebuked and subdued, as in the presence of higher qualities. Then patriotism is eloquent; then self-devotion is eloquent. The clear conception, outrunning the deductions of logic, the high purpose, the firm resolve, the dauntless spirit, speaking on the tongue, beaming from the eye, informing every feature, and urging the whole man onward, right onward to his object this, this is eloquence; or rather it is something greater and higher than all eloquence, it is action, noble, sublime godlike action…
Let us, then, bring before us the assembly, which was about to decide a question thus big with the fate of empire. Let us open their doors and look upon their deliberations. Let us survey the anxious and care-worn countenances, let us hear the firm-toned voices, of this band of patriots.
HANCOCK presides over the solemn sitting; and one of those not yet prepared to pronounce for absolute independence is on the floor, and is urging his reasons for dissenting from the declaration.
“Let us pause! This step, once taken, cannot be retracted. This resolution, once passed, will cut off all hope of reconciliation. If success attend the arms of England, we shall then be no longer Colonies, with charters and with privileges; these will all be forfeited by this act; and we shall be in the condition of other conquered people, at the mercy of the conquerors. For ourselves, we may be ready to run the hazard; but are we ready to carry the country to that length? Is success so probably as to justify it? Where is the military, where the naval power, by which we are to resist the whole strength of the arm of England, for she will exert that strength to the utmost? Can we rely on constancy and perseverance of the people? or will they not act as the people of other countries have acted and, wearied with a long war, submit, in the end, to a worse oppression? While we stand on our old ground, and insist on redress of grievances, we know we are right, and are not answerable for consequences. Nothing, then, can be imputed to us. But if we now change our object, carry our pretensions farther, and set up for absolute indpendence, we shall lose the sympathy of mankind. We shall no longer be defending what we possess, but struggling for something which we never did possess, and which we have solemnly and uniformly disclaimed all intention of pursuing, from the very outset of the troubles. Abandoning thus our old ground, of resistance only to arbitrary acts of oppression, thee nations will believe the whole to have been mere pretence, and they will look on us, not as injured, buut as ambitious subjects. I shudder before this responsibility. It will be on us, if, relinquishing the ground on which we have stood so long, and stood so safely, we now proclaim independence, and carry on the war for that object, while these cities burn, these pleasant fields whiten and bleach with the bones of their owners, and these streams run blood. It will be upon us, it will be upon us, if, failing to maintain this unseasonable and ill-judged declaration, a sterner despotism, maintained by military power, shall be exhausted, a harassed, misled people, shall have expiated our rashness and atoned for our presumption on the scaffold.”
It was for Mr. Adams to reply to arguments like these. We know his opinions, and we know his character. He would commence with his accustomed directness and earnestness.
“Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my hand and my heart to this vote. It is true, indeed, that in the beginning we aimed not at independence. But there’s a Divinity which shapes our ends. The injustice of England has driven us to arms; and blinded to her own interest for our good, she has obstinately persisted, till independence is now within our grasp. We have but to reach forth to it, and it is ours. Why, then, should we defer the Declaration? Is any man so weak as now to hope for a reconciliation with England, which shall leave either safety to the country and its liberties, or safety to his own life and his own honor? Are not you, Sir, who sit in that chair, is not he, our venerable colleague near you, are you not both already the proscribed and predestined objects of punishment and of vengeance? Cut off from all hope of royal clemency, what are you, what can you be, while the power of England remains, but outlaws? If we postpone independence, do we mean to carry on, or to give up, the war? Do we mean to submit to the measures of Parliament, Boston Port Bill and all? Do we mean to submit, and consent that we ourselves shall be ground to poweder, and our country and its rights trodden down in the dust? I know we do not mean to submit. We shall never submit. Do we intend to violate that most solemn obligation ever entered into men, that plighting, before God, of our sacred honor to Washington, when, putting forth to incure the dangers of war, as well as the political hazards of our times, we promised to adhere to him, in ever extremity, with our fortunes and our lives? I know there is not a man here, who would not rather see a general conflagration sweep over the land, or an earthquake sink it, than one jot or tittle of that plighted fiath fall to the ground. For myself, having, twelve months ago, in this place, moved you, that George Washington be appointed commander of the forces raised, or to be raised, for defence of American liberty, may my right hand forget her cunning, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I hesitate or waver in the support I give him… ”
And now, fellow-citizens, let us not retire from this occasion without a deep and solemn conviction of the duties which have developed upon us. This lovely land, this glorious liberty, these benign institutions, the dear purchase of our fathers, are ours; ours to enjoy, ours to preserve, ours to transmit. Generations past and generations to come hold us responsible for this sacred trust. Our fathers, from behind, admonish us, with their anxious paternal voices; posterity calls out to us, from the bosom of the future; the world turns hither its solicitous eyes; all, conjure us to act wisely, and faithfully, in the relation which we sustain.
We can never, indeed, pay the debt which is upon us; but by virtue, by morality, by religion, by the cultivation of every good principle and every good habit, we may hope to enjoy the blessing, through our day, and to leave it unimpaired to our children. Let us feel deeply how much of what we are and of what we possess we owe to this liberty, and to these institutions of government. Nature has, indeed, given us a soil which yields bounteously to the hand of industry, the mighty and fruitful ocean is before us, and the skies over our heads shed health and vigor. But what are lands, and seas, and skies, to civilized man, without society, without knowledge, without morals, without religious culture; and how can these be enjoyed, in all their extent and all their excellence, but under the protection of wise institutions and a free government? Fellow-citizens, there is not one of us, there is not one of us here present, who does not, at this moment, and at every moment, experience, in his own condition, and in the condition of those most near and dear to him, the influence and the benefits, of this liberty and these institutions. Let us then acknowledge the blessing, let us feel it deeply and powerfully, let us cherish a strong affection for it, and resolve to maintain and perpetuate it. The blood of our fathers, let it not have been shed in vain; the great hope of posterity, let it not be blasted.
The striking attitude, too, in which we stand to the world around us, a topic to which, I fear, I advert too often, and dwell on too long, cannot be altogether ommited here. Neither individuals nor nations can perform their part well, until they understand and feel its importance, and comprehend and justly appreciate all the duties belonging to it. It is not to inflate national vanity, nor to swell a light and empty feeling of self-importance, but it is that we may judge justly of our situation, and of our own duties, that I earnestly urge you upon this consideration of our position and our character among the nations of the earth. It cannot be denied, but by those who would dispute against the sun, that with America, and in America, a new era commences in human affairs. This era is distinguised by free representative governments, by entire religious liberty, by improved systems of national intercourse, by a newly awakened and unconquerable spirit of free inquiry, and by a diffusion of knowledge through the community, such as has been before altogether unknown and unheard of America, America, our country, fellow-citizens, our own dear and native land, is inseparably connected, fast bound up, in fortune and by fate, with these great interests. If they fall, we fall with them; if they stand, it will be because we have maintained them. Let us contemplate, then, this connection, which binds the prosperity of others to our own; and let us manfully discharge all the duties which it imposes. If we cherish the virtues and the principles of our fathers, Heaven will assist us to carry on the work of human liberty and human happiness. Auspicious omens cheer us. Great examples are before us. Our own firmament now shines brightly upon our path. WASHINGTON is in the clear, upper sky. These other stars hae now joined the American Constellation; they circle round their centre, and the heavens beam with new light. Beneath this illumination let us walk the course of life, and at its close devoutly commend our beloved country, the common parent of us all, to the Divine Benignity.

• Daniel Webster, 1826

Hi! I tried writing it all out, but it was too long so I am going to try to keep bulletpoints and keep a timeline.
Junior year, 15 years old:

• Did not have friends til this point, met this one guy in class though
• first relationship, first kiss, first everything until one month later when he left me for someone else (also cheated on me)
• anxiety latched onto losing him, kept sending messages trying to get him back for two months until it was no contact for 4 months, he knows that i struggled with losing him though heavily
• I notice people he knows keeping tabs on me, I didnt realize until I sent him a message asking to get back together and one of them starts laughing at me + i think one of them took a photo in class but not sure, just suspicion

Senior Year, 16 years old;

• Our classes are close so we see each other again
• he tried to message me before the year started though but went silent afterwards and backed out
• I offered to be friends with benefits, he agreed, the first night he wanted a BJ so I did a little bit but didn't want to do anymore
• he locked in his car until I agreed to date him again
• broke up the next day with him because the anxiety of worrying if he was cheating was too much
• tried to get him back the same night, it was the last time I was emotionally intimate with anyone like that as I confessed how I missed him, how it was hard moving on, etc. and he agreed to get back together
• we hooked up and he ghosted me (hard block and everything)

Still Senior year but here is where the cycle starts

• he unblocks me and tries to get another hookup, i say no, he begs and I give in, it was just a hookup
• He does this again, begs for sex, I say no but give in
• at this point, my anxiety is kicking in hard, i block his accounts and he makes more to get to me anyways, it just becomes a chore to give in
• He calls up my phone at 3 am repeatedly, I say no but he threatens to make a scene, I give in, he is drunk and I am starting on antidepressants so I am nauseas, when I can't give him a BJ, he gets mad and berates me saying that he found "badder bitches" and telling me everything wrong with me
• When I tried to leave, he just said "leave like you always do" and I always wondered if it was his revenge for leaving the first night
• Cycle continues, I get anxiety seeing his name on the phone (like instant nausea and disassociation with my body)
• one time he threatens to knock my door down when i stood my ground and talked about reporting, saying he didn't care, deleted everything when I started taking screenshots, he just came back again the next day
• I keep going back though, mainly because he gave me validation and attention and it felt like he was the only person that saw me (at this point, no relatable friends and no family support system, he was the only person who shared my experiences)

Post Graduation 2023

• I moved to another side of town, all my friends left the state or just went silent, had to leave my job, i went to him for comfort for the first time because he was the only person I knew so i started embracing him
• we still had moments where I didn't want to but he did so I felt like I had to
• I tried dating but each time, I couldn't trust them; i was so afraid that they just wanted my body that I started treating it like that, which ended in only one night stands
• Met this new guy D that was his opposite in november, changed my usernames, we went on for three months until he left me because I had too much intimacy issues (emotional mainly) and didn't let him past my walls, so i tried to go back to the first guy
• first guy moved to cali, admitted to wanting to reach out to me (pretty sure he tried but couldn't find me anymore), we relied on communication and he would be pressing on for photos and video calls, one time he said that it'll be better next time because this time we will both want it this time, not just him
• until we had a conversation on how he really saw me
• I romantized it all as a complicated relationship, to a friendship, and I think that was just to protect myself from the truth because he admitted that he only cared about the sex with me, never beyond that. I asked if he ever felt guilty and he just said that he didnt, we were young and we didn't understand anything
• I ended it and he tried to make another account, I accepted but he didn't say anything. I think its either because there really isnt any use since he is in another state, but also maybe to see if I would take him back still.

I am still processing it. I left it behind in March. I am not sure what to make of it. Calling him an abuser feels so dirty, like I am shitting on everything that happened and every tiny detail that mattered to me. I am just confused. Some times it feels like it fits and he is a bad guy but other times, like now, I feel like I am just overreacting and it really was just us being young, which feels wierd cause half of it was barely a year ago. I don't know . I am just confused and would love insight from others.

AITA… Am I the AITA for, I ( 36f) want my 17 year old son to know the truth, that his father didn’t just let him come live with me, I fought for him tooth and nail, spent over $15000s (not that the money means anything at all I would do it 100 times again if necessary) and many more truths he is completely oblivious of. My main goal is not to put his father down and make him look bad ( he can do that just fine on his own ;)) my main goal is for my son to understand that I never gave up trying to get him, trying to find him, tried to bring him home, and that not one minute ever went by that he wasn't on my mind. MY SON (17) has resentments with me and he is having a hard time adjusting to life not knowing the truth I feel. A therapist discouraged me from telling him " my truth" Let me share some facts before you judge. Almost 9 years ago my sons father (my ex that I was never married to, which is an important fact later on) took my son for a weekend visit, ONE OF THE FIRST WEEKEND VISITS IN OUR SONS ENTIRE YOUNG 8 YEAR OLD LIFE, and then took off out of the state. This began the UNIMAGINABLE journey of parental abduction and alienation, my son being moved to over 30 locations, some of those were living in a car, over 12 states that my son can remember, and 8 years of trauma and awful experiences that no child should ever be exposed to. Again Before you judge when I realized that they had taken off and were not at the address that was provided to me the first thing I did was notify the police. This contact with the police would set the tone for the next 8 years. The police absolutely made me feel like I had done wrong like I was guilty of some horrific crime by allowing my son to visit with his father because The father and I were not married and we did not establish any kind of set custody in the courts because up until this point my son had always been with me the father had not been really involved in his life the police informed me that this was a family court issue I needed to take it to the courts. I was extremely confused I thought that because I was his birth mother that I had custody, I continued to press the matter with the police and question them and ask them for some kind of direction or help or what can I do? Can they do anything? They said sure do you have an address to where they are? do you know where they're located right now? Not knowing or having any idea where they were they said there was nothing they could do and since I couldn’t prove that they even left the state or had intentions to leave the state that FBI couldn't help either. Also keep in mind I was in my early to mid 20s at this point very naïve a distraught emotional wreck and just clinging on to any kind of hope that the police were going to help. So a brief Cliff notes to the next about six years of hell I would artempt to go to the courts to establish emergency custody but unfortunately because I had no idea where they were I could not serve my son's father with court documents. I spoke to a judge off the record where he informed me to hire lawyers and a private investigator find where they are located have a welfare check done to make sure eyes are on my son to make sure he is OK and while that is going on start the process of having him served with court documents. Again being in my young 20s an emotional wreck not in my right mind at all because my baby boy was abducted hiring a lawyer not only where I lived, but also in the state they were hiding at in that time and private investigator on top of that just was not financially possible for me. My family and I however were able to hire a private investigator. This started another game of cat and mouse. I was trying to do this the “right” way. I was trying to obey the laws and go down this “checklist “ so to speak of what I needed to do, but whoever made this “checklist “ did not understand the mind of a narcissist Every time the private investigator would locate my son he would contact me immediately and just like the judge he would suggest to have a welfare check done to make sure my son was OK physically and also hope by some off chance that maybe the police would pick up on something illegal and that they could intervene in some way. (YA RIGHT THIS MAN IS WAY TO GOOD AT ACTING AND MANIPULATING TO BE CAUGHT SLIPPING,) Of course as a beyond worried mother all I NEEDED TO KNOW at that moment was is my son ok? Well IMMEDIATELY AFTER police or department of children and families would make contact before the court documents could be accepted by the courts my sons father would disappear with our son once again! My son was coached And taught how he was to respond to any kind of authorities when they were interviewing him, what to say if he was asked if he was safe, if anyone hurt him, he was told what to say to every possible question. I would request have DCF go and interview my son at school in hopes he would be comfortable to tell the truth away from his father, but it turns out that he was more afraid of repercussions from his father.( These interviews at the school turned out to be extremely helpful and a god send to my son. They were the only glimmer of hope my son told me he had that myself and my family were still looking for him, still loved him, and still even wanted him) there were a few instances when the planets would align and I was able to get the appropriate documents submitted before they would move again, but only to find out that because they had not lived in that jurisdiction for at least 6 months that the courts did not have authority to rule on the matter. More or less the courts didn’t want to deal with a case with so many variables. There are a ton more awful things I could and I may say at a later time but long story short my sons father finally stayed in one place long enough for the courts to have to claim jurisdiction, I was finally able to pay a lawyer To get the process at least started for me to a point I could take over, and it got to a point where my son was going to finally be able to speak to a court appointed guardian ad litem and that scared the father to death because he would end up with not only a child abuse investigation but possibly loose the other children he had and was receiving financial aid and benefits for. The Judge granted me full custody after realizing the reasoning and apologized that system failed us for so long. Now I have an extremely confused teen, who defends his father out of fear, still afraid of what his father could do to him, and he doesn’t know anything close to the truth of our horrible experience So I ask, AITA FOR WANTING MY SON TO KNOW AT LEAST SOME OF THE FACTS? Let me know if you would like more details or questions answered. Parental abduction is an unbearable situation that affects so many people for their entire lives. You would think there has to be help or organizations that can help, but at the end of the day money is the main factor and it is the victims that have to spend the most money to receive any bit of justice! :(

Sorry I had to cut off our friendship.... I couldn't help but know your friend was doing me dirty & I wanted to ask you so many questions.... & tell you why I was so depressed... truthfully. I just couldn't because I didn't want to bother you or unintentionally hurt your feelings with my venting like I can do at times... & I know that I am not innocent &.. early on I Accepted any karma I would get. I didn't want to bring you into my mess. & I didn't want to put you in the position of "rating" your friend out. I also didn't and don't want to add more onto my karmic plate if you will.... I am still learning & growing daily... I hope to one day have the freedom to pick you up and take you out somewhere.
I hope ur doing good, I think about you fondly. I pray for you & I am sorry for any hurt or collateral damage I caused you.

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The following two brain scans were provided by the Neuro-Warfare branch of the Halcyon Security Division (HSD) for the purpose of analyzing the thoughts, behaviors, and information of notorious gangsters Vincent 'Troy' Cohen and Bruno (Deadname: Koraak Tel-Char). At the point of the recording of this archival shared, Bruno has since received his rebirth therapy, and Vincent is currently serving a long-term rehabilitative and reeducative sentence in the Erebus Supermax Prison on Io.
Warning: the contents of this archival shared may be especially disturbing to some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
Warning: the contents of this archival shard are for the sole purpose of analyzing the thought patterns and memories of certain degenerate criminals in an effort to ascertain vital information that can be used to eliminate their organizations. Only staff with clearance level Omega may view this archival shared, and the viewership of this archival shared by anyone of inadequate clearance level will lead to twenty years in prison and a fine of over a hundred thousand credits.
Booting up memory scan: Vincent 'Troy' Cohen, November 4th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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"Do you have visuals of the target, Troy?"
I knelt down in the alleyway, the bodies of me and my partners shrouded in long, waterproof, ashen-gray overcoats the shade of dirty street scum that we wore to ward off the constant heavy rainfall the color of osmium. Our faces were covered in a mix of scrapped respirators, visors, or full metal face masks carved with intricate designs to hide our identities. On our waists were our badges of honor: leather belts studded with interlocked rivets made from blackened titanium, each buckle forged of silver and shaped into the head of our gang's symbol, the black mamba. We hid amongst the shadows of the dark midday of Halcyon City, the heavy, oppressive rains blanketing the roads paved obsidian-black with asphalt and weathered concrete walkways. The street lamps were always on, like beacons of false hope in a storm of melancholy.
The city was dark and dreary as always, the planet of Proxima Centauri B, renamed Dawn's Lamentation over a century ago, orbited the red dwarf star of Proxima Centauri, and the atmosphere was thick with natural smog and ever-storming rain clouds. That didn't dissuade people from living here: there was plenty of money to be had for shrewd industrialists and hardworking pioneers, even in the urban sprawl. But that life also came with risks, especially for those on the bottom of the totem pole.
I was a ganger, and we were criminals; full stop. I won't assault you with some spiel about how we're the good guys fighting oppression because, at the end of the day, we could be just as bad, if not worse, than Halcyon's Security Division, or the HSD for short. We were traffickers, killers, extortionists, and money launderers. We dealt with everything from stolen tech and military-grade hardware to hard drugs and sentients.
Yes, sentients. We trafficked sentients, but not in the way you might think. They weren't prisoners, in fact, we were their saviors if they had the cash. We had developed a reputation for fighting the power, but it was still business: sure, freeing captives from the clutches of the Protectorate. The disruption of its many oppressive organizations held a certain satisfaction in my heart for sure, but we didn't help those who couldn't pay unless someone else paid on their behalf. It was about making sure me and my gang, my family, could live a decent life for another day.
It helped that most of us joined after leaving the state yard for partaking in acts of 'degeneracy' and 'anti-xenopet illegalities' as if those terms meant anything anymore other than that we were a threat to the local status quo. It was hard to pick up a job as a former inmate when even in something as harsh and backbreaking as a job in the iridium mines near the poles when the employment office had you blacklisted as a degenerate, which lead to the formation of many of the gangs: we needed to make a living somehow, and when all social programs were cut off from you unless you submitted for 're-education' and the only way to put food on the table was subverting, breaking, or even downright fighting the law, you did what you had to do or you died on the streets a scorned beggar.
It wasn't like the HSD made it easy for us on even a good day: the local HSD units were armed to the teeth with advanced, military-grade hardware that you'd often see on the front lines of the Second Authority War: armored assault transports, a myriad of advanced war droids, all sorts of chemical countermeasures that made tear gas seem like putting the garden hose on mist mode, and of course advanced firearms. Add that to the fact that they were authorized to use deadly force when they deemed it necessary and you had a ruthless, heartless, and nearly unstoppable enemy. But we could make that work: we weren't trying to stop them, just to withstand them.
"Yeah, I got eyes on the prize, Koraak; seven armored transports, two for droids, five for prisoners."
Today wasn't a day for a normal job: we were getting bolder, cockier, more ambitious. Our numbers had swelled for the last few years after the raid at Barnard's Star and the fall of the Blood Dragon Mafia. Their leader, Saito Yasuhide, had committed seppuku as their manor burned, and his twin sons had gone down fighting rather than allowing themselves to be captured simply to face a firing squad. In the aftermath, many of the family's associates had fled to the surrounding systems, and with the sheer size and scope of the criminal underworld found here, it was no wonder that many people who had developed skills of the less legal variety had decided to form ranks with the gangs, and with them they brought guns, tech, knowledge, contacts, and even something that we thought wasn't possible beforehand: a semblance of peace between the gangs, or at least the closest thing to peace that gangs could cultivate effectively. With the fall of the Blood Dragons, we saw the writing on the wall, and the writing couldn't have been clearer: work together or die together.
"Sounds like a massacre, Troy: are you sure we can handle seven?"
"We ain't got no choice, Cinder: this job's double the usual rate, and that's not including the weapons and gear we could scrounge if this goes well," I hissed, my eyes scanning for any resistance. There were at least four guards for each van, not to mention at least eight droids in total, meaning that we were already outnumbered, but we had the element of surprise: we could make it work. "So put your balls in your purse and get ready to spill some blood."
Koraak snorted at our antics, which sounded like someone pulling the ripcord on a lawnmower. He was a veteran Russu Corsair, and while his past of slaving, raiding, and killing was unsavory, so were the lives we'd lived, so who were we to judge? All we cared about was that he was a brutal and capable fighter and a loyal brother in arms. It turned out that being a ganger wasn't much different from being a Corsair: you lived and died by a code of honor, you fought to the death for your brothers, and you lived to die for the sake of your gang and your family, simple as that. In a strange, ironic way, it was an incredibly honest way of life: we were under no illusions as to what we were, what we did, and why we did it, and we'd long since accepted it. The Russu related to us in that aspect, in many ways I could respect, which is why I hated what the Protectorate was doing, and why I couldn't grasp how most of humanity could just collectively lose their marbles so long ago. What had happened for us to deem all other life below us in such a demeaning and infantilizing way?
The Russu were a race of tall, muscle-bound Saurians with avian features, and Koraak was no exception: reaching almost seven feet in height and weighing over four hundred and fifty pounds, he could be an absolute menace if he so desired. His skin was covered in stubby, knobby scales and dense plumage, with elegant feathers adorning the ridges along his back as well as his forearms, elbows, knees, and the crests on his head. He almost looked like how paleontologists described velociraptors, with razor-sharp talons, feathers shaded in vibrant greens, reds, and purples, and a maw full of sharp teeth, but at the tip of his snout was a sharp, beak-like growth meant for ripping flesh off the bone.
The Russu were strange as hell, but they also looked almost cute in the same way a fully grown alligator was cute: they were obviously dangerous, but humans would always have this innate desire to anthropomorphize them and to pet them for some inexplicable reason, although common sense usually prevented that, at least amongst the very few of us left that were sane.
"Shut up, Troy! All I'm saying is that that'll be rough, and you know it," hissed Cinder. Cinder was a tall black man whose coffee-colored skin was covered in tattoos. He wore an ebony mechanic's jumpsuit with metal inserts underneath his grimy overcoat covering his body and a faded black respirator on his face. His eyes were a startling blue that seemed sorely out of place, and his hair was braided into thick cornrows along his scalp. He wore a pair of heavy black combat boots and palmed his compact shotgun in his hands, the square barrel less than seven inches. Like a lot of the weapons the Black Mambas carried on their persons and dealt in, they fired caseless ammunition; in Cinder's case it was 16x40mm caseless shotshells filled with depleted uranium micro-flechetes no thicker than a toothpick. Cinder nervously fiddled with the detachable tube magazine underneath the barrel, his hands shaking. Despite the shit I have him, I didn't blame him for being anxious: I was anxious too, even if I refused to show it. The biting cold of unease and pessimism was in my stomach, and I ran all the way that this job could go wrong in my head over and over.
"Just hold yourself together, this ain't anything we haven't done before, there's just more of it," I reassured Cinder, "besides, we're not alone; we have reinforcements across the street. We'll make it out of this alive."
Cinder nodded almost absentmindedly, his eyes downcast and his breathing shallow. I turned from him and back to Koraak, who was making sure he had everything on his person; he had a synthetic leather bandoleer across his chest that contained the heavy eight guage depleted uranium slugs he kept loading and unloading into his much larger, longer, and more traditional shotgun he nicknamed ‘carnage’ and several leather straps that held his Tu'shan daggers: traditional Russu pyramidal blades forged from a silvery alloy with all three edges serrated and the tip barbed to leave behind horrible, gaping wounds that gushed blood. They were wickedly sharp and absolutely straight like a stiletto, and the hilts and pommels were beautifully decorated. He wore no clothes underneath his overcoat to cover the countless scars and blemishes he's earned in combat across his chest and abdomen, and instead of a normal respirator or visor, he simply wore a hood over his head and some traditional Russu facial armor to protect his mouth, eyes, and cheeks.
"You ready to fight, Koraak? The caravan will pick up and leave soon."
Koraak was silent for a moment before nodding, a human gesture he had picked up after serving as a soldier with the Black Mambas for years. "I'm always ready to fight," he said before lifting up his shotgun and aiming down the sights at the reinforced front wheels of the first armored car in the caravan. He exhaled and fired, the slug ripping through both front tires and causing them to deflate and fall apart. The echo of the shot rang through the alleyway and the street, causing pedestrians to panic and flee the scene as heavily armored guards poured out of the side doors of the armored cars and unholstered their carbines.
"Go, now!" I shouted, and both me and Cinder rushed out into the fray, our guns raised. Koraak was right behind the two of us, providing covering fire with his shotgun. Several guards fell quickly, Koraak's precise fire and the sheer force of the depleted uranium slugs putting them down for good as their heads were vaporized or their chest cavities were turned to mush. He emptied the tube with one final shot that painted the grey matter of a security guard on the door of one of the armored cars, then racked the shotgun and expertly loaded it in threes, his hands deft and agile as he reached for more slugs faster than any human.
With the cacophony of our initial assault, more Black Mambas poured out from the alleyways and the subways, armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons; shotguns, submachine guns, pistols, machetes, baseball bats, and all manner of homemade explosives. Molotovs and more potent concoctions shattered against the asphalt, herding in the caravan guards with their volatile contents as they were quickly gunned down. The assault was working, and we were winning.
Then I heard the robotic whine of a combat droid activating, and my heart sank. One of the armored cars in the back activated the four combat droids it held, the robotic assault units detaching from their charging ports on the sides of the large van and began to form up, each armed with a terrifying array of deadly weapons meant to quash any and all resistance. They were blocky, soulless, utilitarian things that stood at eight feet tall, with flat feet meant for stomping and blades, grasping claws designed to lacerate flesh and shatter bone. On each shoulder was a weapon: on the left was a multi-barrel rotary grenade launcher loaded with 15mm concussion grenades, and on the right was a burst-fire splinter cannon. They were all painted a dull grayish-green, the color of Halcyon's Security Division, although some had a few decorations on them: the one closest to me had a bit of graffiti on the side that said Mr. Hugs in Comic Sans, which I couldn't decide whether that made it more or less terrifying. They split up without hesitation and began to scan the chaotic battlefield, their single, red, beady lenses the security forces had the gall to call eyes focusing on specific targets to eliminate.
An entire group of Black Mambas was torn to pieces by a cloud of flechettes as one of the droids fired a withering three-round burst of shotshells from the four gauge splinter cannon mounted on its shoulder. Another picked up a Black Mamba in its hand and crushed her skull effortlessly before tossing her limp body to the side, its single, red, remorseless robotic eye tracking a new target. Most bullets that struck their thick armored chassis simply bounced off, and those that could pierce the armor didn't seem to phase the droids whatsoever, merely notifying them of a new potential target.
"Damnit," I shouted as I gunned down another guard only for two more to take his place. "Cinder! We gotta pop open the cars and scram! Get the maglock cutters!"
Cinder rushed and slid over through a dirty puddle, pulling out a maglock cutter from the inside of his coat and slipping it onto the back door of the first van. It immediately went to work, drilling through the maglock with a high-powered plasma torch nozzle, and within ten seconds we heard the telltale clunk of the maglock separating. I yanked the door open and ordered I side, ready to escort the prisoners out… only for my face to contort in shock and horror.
The back was empty. There was not a single soul inside of the back brig of the armored car.
"What the fuck…" Cinder gasped, his eyes wide with shock. "What the actual fuck… what the fuck is this, Troy?"
"I… I don't…" I stuttered the sounds of battle and carnage drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in my ears. All five cars were supposed to be filled with recently captured Russu from the front lines ready to be housed in the local Xenopet-Megaplex for processing and conditioning. The fact that this one was empty…
Suddenly, it all hit me at once with the force of a freight train, but it was too late. "We were set up, Cinder; our fucking client either squealed or was crooked to begin with…"
"Fucking bitch!" Cinder shouted as he spun around in an enraged arch, anger growing in his eyes. He aimed his shotgun at an approaching security guard and reduced his upper body to a fine red mist with a cacophony of shotgun blasts. "We gotta get everyone who's left out of here! Do you know what this means? The Jurors will be here soon, and then we're all going down! We gotta go, fuck the job!"
I grit my teeth. Not the Jurors, anything but the Jurors.
"Fine, gather everyone who's left and we'll slip through the sewers, the droids are too bulky to follow us there…"
As I spoke, my eyes wandered to the seventh and final armored car, the second of the droid cars, and my blood froze. Not only were all four ports empty, but they were also smaller and more shallow than the ports for the combat droids. That could only mean one thing.
"Oh fuck! Cinder, we gotta get our Russu members out of here! They've got arachnid droids!"
Arachnid droids were the stuff of nightmares. Resembling blocky, robotic arachnids the size of a manhole cover, they were specifically designed to take down sentient aliens, specifically the Russu, using sickeningly non-lethal means. They were equipped with full-body adaptive cloaking to blend in with their environments, paralytic agents that they could inject into their victims, built-in taser barbs, psychedelic gas ports for crowd-control, and a narrow-coned cacophony canon that disabled the Russu using incredibly high-pitched sounds that only they could hear, forcing them onto their knees and clutching the backs of their heads where their auditory organs were stored in agony. But worst of all was their stygian spinnerets: special ports near the end of their robotic abdomens that excreted a viscous, latex-like substance made up of millions of nano-bots. This substance could be used to render Russu blind, deaf, and mute by having it forced onto their faces, the black substance growing and enveloping their heads and working its way into every orifice. It was completely permeable to the standard atmosphere, but any Russu who had been 'webbed' was completely helpless and essentially captured, and the 'webbing' was both nearly indestructible and nigh impossible to remove without a triple-encrypted override key that was found in every arachnid droid's code, which was corrupted when the droid was destroyed or hacked into. Once you were 'webbed', you were essentially captured and the standard protocol was to leave you to the wolves since the nano-bots could be tracked, endangering the entire gang.
I turned just as I heard the deafening sound of Koraak discharging his shotgun, and I saw him squaring off against one of the assault droids. The droid has obviously been programmed to not use lethal force against Russu if possible, as instead of simply killing Koraak with it's shoulder-mounted splinter cannon, it approached with its claws extended, blades retracted. Koraak continued to back away and fire, pumping the droid full of depleted uranium slugs, its armor crumbling inward as the slugs pierced its chassis and damaged its internal cyberstructure. Eventually, Koraak ran out of slugs and instinctively reached to his bandoleer only to find that he had no more shells left at all, and he drew one of his knives and his sidearm, a simple high-caliber handgun. He tried to take down the droid with his handgun, but the bullets didn't even seem to affect the droid upon penetration, it's claws still extended as it attempted to apprehend Koraak.
In the corner of my vision, as I watched Koraak battle with the droid, I noticed a faint shimmer in the air on one of the black streetlight poles that was right behind him. I focused on it and blinked, believing my eyes had deceived me for a moment before realizing that it was actually a cloaked arachnid droid stalking Korvaak, ready to pounce and incapacitate him.
Before I could shout, it leaped from the pole and landed on Korvaak, causing him to shout in surprise while it began to coagulate its horrifying stygian webbing to disable Korvaak. Korvaak tried to wrestle it off of him, but the droid was agile and fast, clinging onto Korvaak and skittering around across his upper body as he attempted to grab it, forcibly wrapping the sticky black liquid across his face as he gagged like a spider wrapping up a fly. I rushed towards him to try and help, but I felt pain explode in my ribs as I was struck with the arm of the closest combat droid and launched into the chassis of a parked car, the metal denting from the sheer force of impact. I groaned in pain as I saw stars and my head spun, and just then I felt a blinding light be cast over me.
“Drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head, or you will be pacified with deadly force!” Shouted a loud, artificially deepened voice from above. “I repeat, drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head! Neither hostility nor hesitation will be tolerated!”
It was the Jurors, I could feel the air being pushed around from the thrusters on their drop ships, and I could hear screams and shouts as my fellow Black Mambas were quickly gunned down. I couldn’t see well since I was seeing double, but I could hear the slaughter as my eyes dimmed and I began to lose consciousness, my regrets crawling up my throat like vomit.
I’m sorry was all I could think as everything finally went dark, and the sounds of chaos, destruction, and combat faded away.
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Memory halted due to loss of consciousness. Booting next available memory in shard…
Booting up memory scan: Koraak Tel-Char Bruno, November 5th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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“Good morning, sleepyhead; it’s time for breakfast.”
My eyes shot open. I was not in the street anymore, nor was I home in my bed with my mate. I knew instantly that something was horribly wrong. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t gain the leverage to do so: my ankles had been shackled together with magnetic cuffs and my arms were forced together in front of me.
I was wearing some kind of thick shirt. It was warm, fluffy, and comfortable on the inside, but it still made me incredibly uncomfortable that my arms didn’t have a free range of motion. I looked down to see that I was wearing some human garment I had heard about before, a straightjacket maybe?
The entire room was padded: the walls, the floor, even the ceiling. There was no bed or furniture; the floor was soft enough to serve as a bed in itself. There was nothing else except for the soft reddish-orange lights on the ceiling that somehow made me sleepy. I blinked slowly for a moment, my body screaming at me to just lay back down and lose consciousness, but I couldn’t do that: I needed to figure out where I was and how to escape.
Then I noticed who was speaking to me: it was a short human female, with crow's feet around her blue eyes, blonde hair braided down her back, and freckles all over her face. She had a soft smile on her lips, and her forehead was slightly crinkled. She wore a full-body white lab suit with a white overcoat and a pair of glasses for snugly on her face.
"There we go, now I can see those pretty eyes, such a beautiful shade of teal," she cooed softly, "You're such a handsome boy, even with all those scars: I'm sure you'll be adopted very quickly once we get you fixed up."
Fear gripped my heart as I began to piece all the evidence together. I had been captured; I was no longer on Halcyon, and instead, I was in one of the horrific space-born facilities I had heard so much about from the inside agents. I started to hyperventilate and squawk like a newborn hatchling, my eyes dilating in panic. This couldn't be happening! This has to be a nightmare!
The human woman merely wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, cradling my head under her chin and speaking softly. I couldn't bite at her or claw at her: I was muzzled and wearing a straight jacket, so I had no choice but to allow her to coddle me.
"It's okay, sweetheart: I understand you're scared, but Julie's here to make all the pain and bad thoughts go away," she said as if she was comforting a child, which made anger blossom in my chest indignantly. "I'll be your caretaker for the next few months, and I'm going to make sure you're healthy, happy, and most importantly safe while you're under our care. I'm sorry to say that includes your restraints and restrictive clothing, but we have to make sure you aren't a threat to yourself or others before we can determine if it's a good idea to remove you from suicide watch."
I growled under my muzzle. Suicide watch? They must have had a lot of instances of Russu taking their own lives after being captured, something I wished I had been able to do before that damnable droid launched itself onto me and…
I shuddered at the thought of the black, viscous substance forcing itself into my nostrils and down my throat and windpipe, gagging me and rendering me completely helpless. It was so cold, so harsh, like slime, and when I had tried to tear it off of my face it merely attached itself to my claws and bound my talons together. I remember squirming on the ground as it enveloped me, unable to see, hear, or speak, and then everything went dark in an instant. It was the most horrible thing I had ever experienced, which was saying something.
"You alright, sweetheart? Oh, I know, you're probably hungry! Here, try some of this." She held up a piece of what looked like raw bacon and wiggled it in front of me before reaching out to remove my muzzle. In an instant, I attempted to snap at her only for pain to blossom in my forehead and my eyes to roll up in my head as I convulsed. It was like something was attempting to drill through my skull from the inside, and every breath felt empty and labored.
"Now, that didn't feel very nice, did it? This is why we have countermeasures in place because we can't trust you yet, sweetheart! Don't worry, we'll work on breaking you of all those bad behaviors and habits while you're here; after all, a well-trained pet is a happy pet!" She began to stroke the crests on my head as I slowly recovered, and she snugly fit the muzzle back onto my snout. "But I won't hold it against you this time, sweetheart; you're just scared and confused, but I'll make all the pain go away."
I struggled in the straight jacket, trying my best to break out of it, but it was no use. Eventually, I became exhausted and despondent, allowing my new caretaker to have her way with me as she gently ran her fingers through my feathers and along my ridges, quietly speaking to me in a hopeless attempt to cheer me up. She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, which concerned me even further: who could be this naturally twisted while attempting to be as benevolent and kindhearted as possible?
I felt the pain and terror build up in my chest, the anxiety from what horrific activities I imagined they had planned for me here. I couldn't take the infantilization, the lack of any autonomy, the dehumanization, and what I feared the most was if the rumors of 'rebirth' were true: would they take my personhood from me?
Suddenly, I felt her whisper to me. "Don't worry sweetheart, I know you're so scared and confused, but I promise you everything will be okay: it's going to be your birthday soon, and then everything will get better." She ran her fingers through the feathers along my crest lovingly. "It will be such a wonderful day, and then we'll choose for you the most wonderful family, and you'll spend the rest of your life happy in your forever home! Doesn't all of that sound wonderful?"
I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to lose myself, not like this, not to these monsters!
"It'll be your birthday soon," she said wistfully as if she was remembering similar events to this in the past like I wasn't the first she'd done this too, "and you'll never be sad again."
I realized that I wasn't the first the stay in this particular cell, and I knew for certain that I wouldn't be the last: I'd end up like my brother, a broken, erased mess of a pathetic creature, reduced to nothing more than a pet for these humans to amuse themselves with.
"We took the liberty of picking out a nice name for you, sweetheart! Now, let me just slip this little programming chip into the port slot on your occipital bone, and... there we go! It will also help you calm down a bit and adjust."
I felt the chip begin to invade my mind, suppressing my thoughts. What made me me was slowly being ripped out of my mind. I couldn't remember my name my name is Bruno, and I needed to get out! I can't let them do this to me! Somebody help me! I was a good boy.
##Do not think. You are a good boy.##
I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't work: I had trouble forming any words at all, the confusion clouding my mind like wet, slimy eels curling around my brain and sinking their teeth into its folds like needles. I couldn’t scream any longer, because I had nothing left: the chip was slowly beginning to take everything from me, robbing me of my identity and branding a new one into my psyche with a white-hot iron. Julie simply held me close, attempting to reassure me as I awaited the inevitable demise of my personhood. Soon I would be just like my brother: erased. My mind would be shaped into the mind of a loyal plaything, like a Dog.
##Relax. Allow caretaker [Julie] to comfort you. You will let go of your burden.##
Soon, everything was a blur. I quickly found myself resting my head in her lap as she whispered to me and fed me, my eyes bleary and my head fuzzy. I couldn't remember my name anymore My name was Bruno, and I needed to break free from this trance relax, and allow her to help me; good boys didn't resist help.
##Good Boy. Do not think. You are a good boy.##
You can't... I...
##Good boy.##
I wouldn't… good boys don't… I…
##Good boy##
I was a good boy… I was a good boy…
I was… I was… a good… boy…
Someone help me, please! I don't want to be erased!
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The following script is from episode #343 of Halcyon After Dark, a popular late-night and current events talk show hosted by Melinda Carter. This specific episode was sponsored in part by the Halcyon Security Division, with Director Lochlin O'Brien joining as a guest star to talk about the changing crime statistics in Halcyon City and the HSD's recent successes in busting organized crime as well as their plans for addressing the growing criminal underworld.
MC: Good evening Halcyon! I'm your host, Melinda Carter, and you're watching Halcyon's most popular late-night talk show, Halcyon After Dark!
The crowd claps and cheers as Melinda walks on stage and sits behind her desk, her glittering red dress waving as she does so from the special effects.
MC: Tonight we have a very special guest here to tell us about the state of crime in the city and his plans on resolving it: please put your hands together for the HSD's very own Director, Lochlin O'Brien!
The crowd cheers some more as HSD Director Lochlan O'Brien, a tall, muscular, caucasian male in his early forties with red hair and a well-trimmed beard steps into the room, waving at the crowd with a bright smile. He sits in the armchair angled next to Melinda's desk and gives her his full attention.
MC: It's so good to have you on the show, Director! Tell me, how are you doing on this fine evening?
LO: I'm doing excellent, Melinda: every day I wake up feeling fulfilled knowing I'm serving Halcyon to the best of my abilities and then some."
MC: That's the spirit, Director! Now, I know this question is just on everyone's lips, so I have to ask: how successful was the recent gang bust? I heard HSD forces took out dozens of gang members and liberated at least a dozen Russu Hounds from their abusive clutches, but I know that everyone in the audience and at home wants to know the numbers.
LO: I'd be glad to tell you, but I do have to preface this by saying that we still lost a lot of good officers that day, and while we did strike a crippling blow to one of Halcyon's biggest gangs, it doesn't change the fact that each death is a tragedy, and we're taking steps to prevent them in the future. That being said, those valiant officers did not sacrifice themselves in vain: we had over a dozen confirmed kills and several arrests, including the rescue of several corrupted Russu hounds.
MC: That's excellent, Director: proof that even when the number of degenerates and scum grow by the day, the HSD will always be here to keep the citizens of Halcyon safe.
LO: Absolutely, Melinda, and we're always working tirelessly to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of our units, as well as racing to stay several steps ahead of the many gangs of Halcyon at all times. My newest goal as Director is to vastly increase the funding given to our Robotics Department and our Neuro-Warfare Department to potentially reduce the number of casualties we may experience in the future, as well as to quickly and effectively detain, and if necessary, eliminate criminals. Within the next decade, I want to double the number of automated units each Security Platoon is assigned: droids are the future of public safety as well as countless other industries, and it would be foolish to be left behind.
MC: That is quite a lofty goal, Director: what about the displaced jobs from the increased automation? What will the union say?
LO: And to that, I say: what misplaced jobs? We aren't replacing our honored and beloved service members with droids, Melinda, we are simply supplementing our units with more droids to ensure that future gang assaults end with fewer HSD casualties and more gang members in prison or eliminated, simple as that.
MC: That makes much more sense, Director, thanks for clarifying. Now, I have one more question that I'm sure much of Halcyon wants to know the answer to before we take a short break: what plans do you and your fellow directors have to make long-term progress in reducing crime beyond just increasing funding? Have you proposed any plans to strike at the source of where crime and degeneracy flourish?
OL: That's an excellent question, and one I am proud to answer: my constituents and I have been working tirelessly on a two-step plan to greatly reduce crime levels in Halcyon. Step one would be to prevent people from becoming criminals and degenerates at all in the first place: a lot of young men and women, but especially young men, have lost either one or both parents or even a sibling, aunt or uncle, or even a close friend by the brutality of the Second Authority War, and while the service of their lost loved ones will always be recognized and honored, many of these young men and women are left bitter, angry and lost without the guidance these people give them in their lives. Oftentimes they seek to fill that void with others who claim to relate to them: career criminals. These criminals will fill their heads with lies and false narratives to make them feel like they're fighting back against the 'evil protectorate government' that took their loved ones from them by sending them off to war when in reality it was the rogue Xenopets of the Triarchy that took them away by resisting their just and inevitable unburdening.
In response, I have proposed a slew of special programs that will make sure local law enforcement and HSD officers are present and contributing to their local community, and we'll be providing easy and light job openings for youngsters and teens looking to make a career for themselves in the force when they grow up. We want to let these lost souls know that there are people who care about them, people who understand them and that you shouldn't turn to degeneracy to feel fulfilled. We want to help the youth of our great society soar to new heights!
MC: That sounds like a wonderful beginning to your plan, Director, but what about the second step?
LO: Well, the second step is to prevent criminals and degenerates from becoming repeat criminals. Sure, they've made their mistakes, some worse than others, but they're only human like the rest of us. Some of them have been through hell: some are traumatized veterans who don't know how to adapt to normal life, others were recruited when they were young and don't know that there's a better way to live, and even more are mentally ill. We're alone in this galaxy, and we can't leave so many people behind. That's why we've come up with an excellent solution: we've set up isolated communities on distant moons and frontier planets where these criminals can be reeducated, rehabilitated, and allowed to repay their debt to society. When they're deemed 'reformed' and have graduated from our program, they'll be granted a hefty stipend and their criminal record will be deemed irrelevant, allowing them to reintegrate and become functioning members of our proud society.
MC: all of these sound like incredible steps forward in the fight to better our society and make real progress, Director. Sadly, we do have to step away for a moment, but you best believe I'll be back, Halcyon, and we'll be asking the Director here some burning questions about allegations over the quality of life Erubus Supermax! Now, a word from our sponsors!
Halcyon Xenopet-Megaplex! Everything your xenopet could ever need in one place! Adoption is now free-
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Good, you’re still alive! The rest of this shard appears to be corrupted, which means this particular trail seems to have run cold here, but do not despair; you need to keep searching. Find out what happened. Find the truth.I cannot guide you any longer: they've already found me, and if I remain in contact with you they'll find you as well. Take the archival database, and see what you can piece together. Maybe if we discover what truly happened we can put an end to this madness once and for all. I'm counting on you. Don't cry for me, I don't fear death, but I fear what they'll do to me to get to you: there are far worse fates than death, after all.

Okay so this is the first time I’ve ever posted on a Reddit thread and I might embarrass myself but here I go. I need help and I am so confused. I recently got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and been trying to heal or whatever you wanna call it. I was on dating apps for a short minute (not anymore) and met a guy on there. Pretty much a sneaky link and we’ve been hooking up on a semi consistent basis. I wasn’t looking for anything serious anyways so that part is fine but I just cannot tell if this guy likes me or not. I know it’s dumb and extremely unserious but im starting to genuinely like the guy and I need to know if I should cut it off or not because he won’t kiss me. We have literally hooked up multiple times now but he never will kiss me (he has kissed my body tho lol). I’m so confused because I know it cant be bad breath, I have very good hygiene, always shower and brush my teeth right before we hang out, & I always either use a breath strip or chew gum right before he comes over too. So I just know it can’t be bad breath and I don’t think he would come back for more if my hygiene was an issue lol. I’m in my early 20s is this a normal thing for gen z? I’ve been in serious relationships my whole life so this is my first time single but I can’t comprehend how he can yk do what he does to me and then not kiss me lmao… It’s driving me insane! Does he just not like me? Need some honest truth lol. I’m too embarrassed to straight up ask him.