English: for section 1 question a on paper 1 use pqe, point quote explain, nake one point use a quote to back it up and explain, leave extra space after each point incase you have extra time to spend on it
Question b of that same question make sure if you write the text of a speech the whole text is said speech and if you have to for example write the text of a speech from a famous person you never step out of character. Your opening line should be basically a rephrasing of the question eg:write an article for the local newspaper, you should say "I am writing for the x newspaper to tell you about...", even if its unrealistic they still look for this in regard to your purpose mark.
For the composing:make sure there are famous people you can talk about a lot, also just a few topics that youve got some bit of knowledge on e.g ai might be handy
personal essay: use anecdotes even if they're made up
Short story:I'm avoiding this personally but make sure you show don't tell and alsondont leave plot holes, from what I've heard people who do this already have things like settings, characters and storylines planned out before the exam
Opinion essay: chose for or against and be strongly for or against, if im not mistaken you can be neutral but it's a lot harder
For the single text your first quote shouldn't be from act 1 scene 1 or your texts equivalent,your answer shouldn't be a summary
For hamlet: have lots of quotes, back in as many points as possible with quotes, remember the word regicide and antic-disposition, if the question asks about Claudius' role as villain if must only be his direct wrong doings (laertes, elder hamlet) and not the ones he indirectly caused by making hamlet mad (ophelia, polonius etc).
Comparative:constantly compare your 3 texts,(this next tip only applies if parf of your comparative course is never let me go) MOST of the time if you are doing the question 1 which is split up into a and b where a is in relation to 1 text and b is 2, never let me go will be in part a as it is hard to compare to other texts, this obviously depends on the question but if in doubt do that
Unseen poetry:I'm absolutely useless at this but on my mock I completely misunderstood the poem and got 17/20, waffle with confidence, don't spend too long on it as 20 marks is sweet fa in your English paper and the difference between spending 20 mins and 25 mins is no more than 3 marks.
Poetry: have one poem you can talk for days about no matter what, they will more than likely come up. Have 3 more you understand to be able to answer a question, then your perfectly covered. If you want to be more confident you can learn 2 poems to perfect 50/50 but from here to Thursday time management is important
History: if your a slow writer like me learn a metric fuck tonne of good quotes they're the quickest way to pick up marks, here's a few if you want them
Oh little sputnik flying high/with made-in-moscow-beep/you show the world its a commie sky/and uncle Sam's asleep-mennen Williams,democratic governor of michigan
The United States would provide political, military and economic assistance to all democratic nations under threat from external and internal forces-the turman doctrine
We are kings men and well be with you to the end -james Craig (not precisely a long one but so many essays it could be used in)
I want dr king to know that I didn't come to selma to make his job difficult, I really did come thinking I could make it easier. If the white people realise what the alternative is, perhaps they will be more willing to here dr king-malcolm x
Geography: from here to friday dedicate 10 minutes to aerial photography, it's 8 marks waiting to be claimed. Nows probably too late for flashcards but if it isn't fucking use them for srps
Maths: nows not too late to print off a mock or past paper, see what needs the most work and make sure you fully understand them
Irish: if your like me and haven't done a scratch there's still more than a week, predictions are your best friend, learn one essay, one poetry notes, one story notes and one play notes and let God decide how well he wants you to do
French:be able to write about the Olympics as if your fluent, its probably going to come up. Know your tenses and your subjunctive. Learn off a few proverbs they add marks to any essay. "Je suis tout à fait d'accord avec le declaration Ci dessus","il est neccesaire de pesser le pour et le contre", "n'oublions pas le proverbe" and "a Mon avis" fit into most opinion pieces, know them(get correct spelling aswel mine was affected by autocorrect). Also if your down to the wire learn diary phrased, even if you write a bad diary you will get marks for the phrases
Accounting: final accounts will come up,know 2/3, learn all your ratios and all the theory they will come up, know either budgeting or costing as one of each will come up, that leaves the second 100 marker, it will most likely be suspense as that comes up every second year but it could be a 60 marker, I wouldn't even bother worrying about anything else until ratios,final accounts, budget/costing and suspense are up to the grade your hoping for but if all that is sorted learn off maybe 3 other possible 100 markers, that any you have 4 which includes the 80% likely suspense and 2 will come up, the accounting exam is probably the easiest to predict, and for the love of God know your theory. Keep doing exam questions of your struggling, every time you correct one write down your mistakes and have the list of mistakes next to you when doing the next one, then tear it and make a new list of mistakes
Buisness(salty I couldn't do it cuz it was on same time as history): know unit 1-3 inside out (according to u/businessgarbage6666)
This is all my experience, I will add any good advice for these subject or other subjects that are provided in the comments, all of these are for higher level except for maths, good luck,don't panic and think about the pint that's instore once this is all over

To summarise, I was attempting the poetry question (section B) about the theme of being alone in HPT and one other poem. I had set myself around 50-55 minutes for this question bcz I wanted to maximise my marks on it since i was pretty confident with the pairing. So basically I finished all the 6 pages we were given in approx. 50 mins and that was when I asked an invigilator for extra paper.
However, they told me that they weren't supplied with any extra paper and therefore I couldn't write any more This went against everything that my teachers, friends, and school told me so I immediately asked them to call the lead examiner. I wasn't too surprised because a similar incident had happened in my bio exam a few days earlier (but that didn't end up too bad bcz I only had a few extra lines to write).
Once the exam supervisor arrived, he said the same thing and told me Edexcel hadn't provided them with any extra sheets. I was getting quite nervous and frustrated and after numerous appeals, the head examiner told me to write my remaining response on the last page for section C (which was Of Mice and Men for me).
I tried to appeal and tell him that this would confuse the examiner and my response would be messed up but he wouldn't listen and considering that I had already wasted a few precious minutes during this conversation, I decided to listen to him.
So then i wrote an additional paragraph and a short conclusion on the last two pages given to use for Section C. I had labelled it as a continuation of the poetry question and had also written: GO TO THE LAST PAGE FOR CONTINUATION on the bottom of the last page for poetry. However, it was quite small and very cramped and messy so i'm worried the examiner might miss it and won't mark it.
the reason im scared is bcz my summary was rly good and it basically links everything which I analysed so without it I may not get a good mark. Also, the last two pages were kinda muddled up so my 5th paragraph was on the last page and my conclusion was on the second last page.
After the exam, I told this to my mother (who is an invigilator herself) and she met the head examiner herself and raised the issue with him. He confirmed that there would be no issues during marking. Surprisingly, another invigilator told us that they had extra paper all along and that there must have been a big misunderstanding (which I don't believe, i think it was a case of blatant laziness and ignorance).
Regardless, my parents raised this issue with senior members of the british council in my city (as i'm a private candidate) and they promised to get this issue fixed. However, I'm still worried about if the examienr would discredit those 1 and 1/2 pages which I wrote and if he was able to read my continuation message at the bottom of the page.
this whole issue has rly bummed me out because overall I found the exam easy and I was able to answer all the questions pretty well. so if any of you guys have any prior experiences with such circumstances or have any advice, please share it with me. Thanks.
TL;DR: examiner didn't give me extra paper and gave me incorrect instructions abt writing my response on the wrong section.

In the 19, nearly 20, years I have lived my life, I was raised a Christian by American conservatives in a middle class environment and am fortunate to experience countless memories of joy, laughter, and growth with (mostly) everybody I have met. Each memory with the people in my life holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever cherish the bond we built.
The thing is that until the end of eighth grade, I had a strange obsession with East Asia. Looking back, it was very embarrassing and I condemn my parents for enabling me to become a weeaboo (by “weeaboo”, I mean “a person who is overly obsessed with East Asian culture, especially Japanese culture, to the point that they fetishize the culture in an unhealthy way”). I was the textbook example of a weeaboo who had a terrible case of “yellow fever” (sexual preference towards East Asians). Loving the image of East Asian culture without having any real idea what it stood for and seeing the East as a utopia, my fetishization of East Asia, especially Japan, was born out of the shame I have with the Western culture I was raised in. I never felt like I could fit in with my Western peers who I often looked down upon and did not want to be associated with. It got to the point that I became unsatisfied with my home town, my physical appearance, and even my closest friends. This combined with the surge in anime, K-pop, and other media on the internet really got me hooked and believing really fetish-y things about the Sinosphere. I hate being reminded of it and have tried to move on.
However, I am thankful for my exposure to Eastern culture, though it was through a very bastardized, Westernized lens. I am grateful for my exposure, even though it started out with something as intellectually undemanding as Vocaloid music (songs sung by a Japanese voice synthesizer). The best part about the exposure was that it helped me leave Christianity and join Buddhism at age 11, which greatly helped with my mental health considering I was experiencing suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. Though I had awful misunderstandings of Buddhism in the beginning and still do not really have a Buddhist teacher, I am glad that I have the resources to connect myself with other Buddhists and take refuge in the Triple Gem.
As I left my gross misconceptions of the Sinosphere behind back when I was 14 while still having a healthy interest in it, my eyes were eventually opened to perils which threaten not only the homelands of Buddhism (East, South, and Southeast Asia), but also the sustainability of modern humans. These two perils are Western culture and capitalist fascism.
The West exoticizes and misrepresents Buddhism and the culture of its home, the East, as a whole. I am ashamed to be born in a culture where this was encouraged, which I am worried could lead me to fetishizing Eastern culture again.
But what I know for sure is that the West’s hyperindividualism is harming people, both those whose lands are invaded and its own people. This combined with the West’s growing rejection of education, including that of the knowledge the West itself has given to the world for humanity’s benefit, makes it clear that it is lacking some of the Sinosphere’s cultural strengths. Everybody should hold collectivism and education to the same degree that the Sinosphere does, otherwise we would be left with an unsustainable society that would destroy itself.
There is nothing wrong with speaking Western languages, eating Western foods, watching (most types of) Western media, wearing Western clothes, and especially nothing wrong with using Western inventions, but we are now seeing that the West’s hyperindividualism and rejection of education is destructive and spreading like a cancer.
It is only Buddhists who make an effort to assimilate to the East (had they not been born into it) who can see the West with its hyperindividualism and uneducatedness, promoted by its creation of its spreading ideologies such as capitalist fascism and social Darwinism, for what it really is: a cancer. I can now see the direction the United States, the most populated and powerful country in the West, is going due to the rise of ultra-capitalism and/or fascism supporters.
Rarely the phrase “Western”, as in “formed by the combined foundations of Greco-Roman civilization and Western Christianity” (Gabbe), raised positive thoughts in my mind since I learned about it shortly after discovering Buddhism. “Western” when used in the context of medicine is an exception to this, but we are now seeing more and more Westerners dishonor the progress their ancestors made towards modern, mainstream, dare I say, Western medicine as they fall for anti-vaccine and anti-mask pseudoscience.
Nowadays, some who use the word in a derogatory context are uneducated reactionaries that bash anything and everything Western, yet hypocritically promote the Western political ideology of fascism. A strength that a majority (though now a decreasing number) of Western countries have is their progressivism, supporting scientific advancements, women’s rights, racial equality, and the LGBT+. However, this is not just becoming less common; being a progressive Westerner is not enough, not enough to end Western imperialism, to save the sacred truths taught to us by the Shakyamuni Buddha, or to empower the working class.
Although I never fully approved of Western culture after my weeaboo phase ended, my early teen self still ended up falling into the anti-social justice warrior side of YouTube that I now recognized hindered my understanding of what actually ruined my country, the United States of America. I still did not feel comfortable calling myself a Westerner but mainly because the West did not widely accept Buddhism and has several times in its history persecuted Buddhists. At the same time, I was deceived by a bastardized form of Buddhism common among Westerners (known as “secular Buddhism”, which picks and chooses aspects of the Buddha’s teachings instead of accepting them as a whole), so I was a bit more of the classic, stereotypical atheist neckbeard who fetishized the East up until 2020. Since then, my views became more progressive similar to those of American liberals and I denounced traditionalist Western beliefs, but like the average American liberal, I did not see Western culture, both traditional and progressive, as the peril I now see it. It was not until around the end of 2023 when I discovered the Western problem.
It was a slow burn that started with my discovery of Buddhists on the internet talking about how the West misrepresented Buddhism to appeal to “self-help” consumerists, Christians, and New Age followers. In the Westerner, I originally saw only a person who followed harmless customs, traditions, and other norms that came from a part of the world where Buddhism was not the dominant religion (if you could even call the non-theistic dharma as taught by the Gautama Buddha a religion). And so, I did not believe that Western civilization needed to fall for the safety of the dharma, let alone for its own people. After all, I thought to myself, the West has contributed so much to science and the modern world as we know it. I still believe to this day that there are no superior cultures and that each one simply has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, some of which are only subjective. However, while looking through Buddhist forums, I was shocked to hear about the West’s pollution of Buddhism and my knowledge on Buddhism skyrocketed as I learned that I fell victim to the Dunning-Kruger effect. I started reading sutras and immersing myself with Buddhism by listening to those who have much more experience than I do. There are hardly any Buddhists in my community and the only Buddhist center within reach is a New Kadampa Tradition meditation center (FYI: the New Kadampa Tradition must be avoided since it has a reputation for financially exploiting members and its monastics have allegations of drug trafficking and sexual abuse), so books and the internet are all I have left.
Practicing Buddhism in the West is nearly impossible without a community, without a Buddhist teacher, without any resources written by Eastern Buddhists. Reddit user u/Tendai-Student, a “lay Tendai Student [sic] with aspirations to become a Priest [sic]” states the following:
It is exceedingly challenging for a Westerner who is interested in Buddhism to find reliable information. Bookstores' Buddhist sections are rife with myths about the religion (we will come to some of these misconceptions below). Buddhism-related disinformation abounds in university classes. Misinformation about Buddhism abounds in publications with a Buddhist theme. Even Buddhism-related english-speaking [sic] Reddit boards are prone to carry false information.
Buddhism is constantly distorted in the same way: to make it more agreeable to Abrahamic faiths(especially Christianity in the west) [sic]. To imply that it is subject to Western standards, Western religion, and Western consumerism and materialism.
…Asian teachers are frequently excluded from English-speaking Buddhist places (meditation centers, university forums, periodicals). Asians make up the majority of Buddhists in the United States, despite the fact that popular images of Buddhism in the West make it appear otherwise. In the minds of Westerners, Buddhism is a religion of white converts. They don't even pay attention to the odd lack of Asians in some Buddhist areas. (u/Tendai-Student)
It is no wonder that I went through a phase when I was a weeaboo with “yellow fever”. The Westerner commodifies and commercializes these Buddhist practices and East Asian customs like they do with several other cultures. Its misuse and stealing of Buddhism is the worst because its teachings are for us to end suffering by ridding ourselves of the three poisons: greed, ignorance, and hatred (which the Westerner promotes).
My realization of this drew me away from the West, similar to when my obsession with the East began. The difference is that my interest in the East now is not because of a fantasy born out of misguidance, especially not a sexual one. I now know that there is more to the East than its pop culture. But I cannot help thinking that none of this would have happened and I would better understand Buddhism had I been born to and raised by Buddhists in East Asia, or even a majority Buddhist country in South or Southeast Asia.
However, the possibility of a cycle starting with a yo-yoing fetishization of the East makes me anxious. When I realized what I was doing at first was fetishization, I did further research and found out that the West is to blame for its portrayal of the East in its media. This in turn makes me denounce the West and brings me back towards my obsession with the Sinosphere, which could lead to more fetishization.
Despite this, I am glad that at the very least, my interest is more than just wanting to live a kawaii lifestyle, hoping to have a “submissive housewife who will look young forever”, or all that neckbeard squick. I do have to say that there is something else that is drawing me towards the Sinosphere, not to mention that it is the region where Buddhism is dominant (the same is true to a lesser extent with the Indosphere). Even though I am not a huge fan of tradition since I am very progressive, when a region’s culture gets something right, they get it right. In addition to Buddhist values, the Sinosphere holds education and collectivism to a high degree. It is no wonder I find their people so much more intelligent and caring than people from my culture.
It is common knowledge that countries such as Japan, China, South Korea, and Singapore have the highest average IQs. To add to this (unbeknownst to many), even less developed countries, e.g. Mongolia, with high Buddhist populations around the same region, have average IQs higher than developing and undeveloped nations outside the region. The most agreed upon reason for this is cultural factors rather than genetic or economic factors. To conclude, Buddhism combined with values in the East Asian cultural sphere creates the best “brains” to represent humanity, thus the West should make way for them, especially considering the East’s superior collectivism.
Of course cultures do not stay the same forever because they change over time. One big thing that is different now in the Sinosphere and Indosphere (the latter I am mentioning because it is where Buddhism came from, though it is not as dominant in the cultural region as it was) is that they are generally much more patriarchal and anti-LGBT+ than they were up until the last several centuries. However, Buddhism treats same-sex relations and being transgender the same as heterosexuality and being cisgender (preferring celibacy among monastics, though depending on the school of Buddhism, those in the monastic order may be treated as their birth gender, even if they are transgender), and in addition, the Buddha taught that women are just as capable of attaining enlightenment as men. Even outside of Buddhism, there are records of same-sex relations as early as the Shang dynasty in China and the temple walls in Khajuraho, India depict homosexual activity. As for feminism, China was matrilineal until the Han dynasty era, when Confucianism and filial piety became mainstream in the area, while India, home to over 100 different ethnic communities, has had a few matriarchal and egalitarian societies pre-European colonization. In the modern era, numerous people in the two cultural spheres are becoming more supportive of gender equality and the LGBT+, which in some cases may be due to Westernization (not that it redeems it) or simply the individuals’ progressive political views not influenced by Western culture.
What has stayed the same for the most part, besides Buddhism, is the Sinosphere’s and Indosphere’s value of collectivism in honor-shame societies and the former cultural sphere’s emphasis on education; this is what Westerners, as well as people all over the world, need for themselves. If the West is going to fall due to hyperconsumerism, late stage capitalism, and uneducated leaders, those living in the West would be better off joining Buddhism and assimilating to the East. Arguably, the best way to do this is to move to a majority Buddhist country, preferably one in the Sinosphere (its core countries being China, Japan, the Koreas, Taiwan, and Vietnam). Leave everybody you know from your home behind, especially non-Buddhists. Just to make things clear, Westerners are not necessarily evil and it is not their fault they were raised in a Western culture, but having these people in your life will hold you back from collectivism, quality education free of anti-intellectual quackery, and above all, understanding the dharma.
After you have left everybody in your life and started anew, you can immerse yourself in the culture. Again, abandoning Western food, media, clothing, and especially inventions and scientific breakthroughs is very unnecessary. Your main focus is reprogramming your mind to think like a person (specifically a Buddhist person) in the Sinosphere/Indosphere, utilizing the high educational standards, putting the collective over the individual, and taking refuge in the Triple Gem. Before moving, though, it is best to make yourself familiar with the customs and learn the language of the place you are moving to. To aid your assimilation, it would not hurt to start dating one of the locals who strongly identifies with the culture, regardless of their race. Someone living there who is not ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian who is still very involved in the culture would be very helpful to your assimilation as one who is ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian (I am clarifying this to discourage racial fetishization). This may be difficult as you would have to win over approval from their parents, let alone convince them to see you as another Easterner, but if you manage to do so, that would be fantastic. To make things easier, you could plan to move to a country where people treat women as equals and are relatively accepting of the LGBT+ so you would not have to worry about gender roles or whatever. Think of places in the Sinosphere such as Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, or if you are planning on going to the Indosphere (which is not too big of a step down) since they did give us Buddhism after all, Nepal and Thailand. Your most important goal, however, is to rewire your brain to think in a more Sinic or Indic way and be more in touch with Buddhism.
You can hardly consider yourself a Westerner if you manage to do so, being Western only in your country of origin (and possibly race as well). I am definitely not like those other “people” from the West who strongly cling to Western culture because they just do not understand. Western cultural merit is almost solely from the proxy of our ancestors’ inventions, scientific discoveries, and political revolutions. Considering that the West is being brought towards the wrong direction in the modern era, we should get out of there culturally, if not physically, until it all hits the fan.
If the West continues its defilement of the rest of the world, when it falls, it will bring it all down with it. We must not lose or else everybody loses.
This pressure has a good side; because the bigger the great threat becomes, the more we will push ourselves to assimilate and raise children to fight for us. Considering the infectability of Western anti-intellectualism and “main character syndrome”, how could our Western peers know better? Buddhism is not a proselytizing “religion”, so our best bet is eliminating the promoter of the three poisons, the Westerner (especially the Christian Westerner), from our own lives. How it will run to us as its society collapses under itself and we welcome it to assimilate but say “we told you so”! The older I get, the better I know the Westerner. The better I know the Westerner, the easier it gets to excuse hostility against them, especially from the Sinosphere.
From my perspective, the ones to blame are not the angry, low-middle class white males in the rural United States nor the boba conservative bananas and right-wing coconuts who suck up to the West’s biggest scum, but rather the ones who have brainwashed them to fall for chauvinism, reactionarism, and laissez faire capitalism.
Realizing this, I am now closely investigating the sources of these beliefs which make up the foundation of social Darwinism and, when combined with totalitarian thinking, capitalist fascism. This is after I noticed that these systems are unsustainable and would destroy themselves from the inside out. The slow, painful destruction of communities who fall victim to them are well known to me. If one looks carefully, they can see the consequences that have been unfolding since the 2020 Coronavirus Pandemic. You may wonder: were the founders aware of this? My guess would be that they were not but were evil nonetheless because they were too selfish to think about the future, their descendants.
If this is the case, then it is the duty of us, the opponents of these ideologies, to spread the word faster than the ideologies are currently spreading in the West. It is hard for me to believe it is not the case considering that both Western political ideologies are fundamentally reactionary. Besides, I doubt they would want civilization as we know it to collapse.
I have a social Darwinist as a maternal uncle who sometimes meets with my parents, maternal grandfather, and younger brother and with his political conversations, often sourced from flawed studies, Russian news, and 4chan, I can easily study the principles of its theories. Both of my parents are also conservatives who support Trump and other immoral American politicians. Being raised by the two of them, I bet I could disguise myself as a Western right-wing traditionalist, maybe even a social Darwinist, since I know the way they speak, to whom they flock to, and how to make them give one their full attention. It would probably be easy to do this as some right-wing grifters can fool American right-wing audiences into thinking that they share the same beliefs (e.g. Thomas MacDonald).
Their kind are gullible because they do not listen to fact checkers and often do not do research to see if who they are listening to really practices what they preach.
Even though there are Westerners who are not like this, the West cannot coexist with Buddhism, let alone the cultures where it is dominant, as the West ruled by colonizing tirthikas and it will likely always be for as long as it lasts. And just because their culture is not as viable as the one founded on Buddhist, Sinic, or even Indic values does not give them the right to imperialize the rest of the world and bring it down with them. We can welcome the Westerner willing to change its ways, turn it into one of an Easterner, and have its culture go through a quick and painless demise, or the Westerner can continue its power trip, destroy everything it touches along with itself, and society will suffer a slow and painful death. This is what the conclusion that I have come to so far as I examine capitalist fascism and Westerners’ connection to it.
The Western doctrine of capitalist fascism rejects an aspect of maitrī, fulfilling beings’ basic needs, and substitutes it for a privilege towards the bourgeoisie and the exploitation of the workers’ labor (also known as Vergegenständlichung or “objectification”). Thus it denies the worth of the collective, only concerns itself with greedy individuals, and thus is immoral. Unlike what the non-Buddhist capitalist wants people to believe, all beings have an altruistic Buddha nature, but it is corrupted, being difficult to notice as it has only conditions without a beginning (listed in the Avijjā Sutta). Abandoning capitalism, both fascist and non-fascist, gives power to the people as it ensures a more guaranteed right to life instead of having not even one thousand billionaires own more than half of Earth’s population combined, more than each one of those billionaires could ever spend in their lifetimes.
Should the Westerner, especially one who pushes capitalist fascism, strengthen its grip on humanity, it can be said that it would make its own naraka.
And so I stand by my plan and encourage others to do the same because it is in the name of the Unsurpassable Enlightened One. By protecting our kind against the Westerner, we are defending the Triple Gem.
If it is not already clear, the disapproval I feel towards the societal values and prevailing norms of the West has led me to question my place in this environment. I believe that meaningful change can only be fostered if the West is put into its place and the Sino-Buddhist East motivates our minds.
In Vietnam, where the culture is predominantly Sinic with some Indic aspects and little European influence, we can see the promotion of quality education, collectivism, and Buddhism (practiced by a forgivable 15% of the population), very unlike the nearby country of the Philippines. In the Philippines, its citizens cling to the Anglo-Saxon and Hispanic culture brought to the country by American and Spaniard imperialists. The effects of this are very clear in their average IQs (Vietnam: 89.53 vs. Philippines: 81.64) and PISA scores (Vietnam: 1403 vs. Philippines: 1058). They are both developing countries in Southeast Asia that were colonized by the West, but because Vietnam kept its culture more pure and stuck to Buddhism (or at least Sinic philosophies), its people are better educated compared to the nearby Westernized countries in a similar economic situation.
In short, Westernization leads to the following:

1. The native culture becomes diluted
2. If Western thinking intrudes, mental degeneration takes hold of the native population and its society slowly degrades along with the West itself as it eats itself from the inside out

Those who cause this to happen must be stopped, especially those who endanger Buddhism. We must not wait for the fruition of their karma for their sacrilege of the Tathagata’s teachings because by then it would be too late, and even if it is instant karma, every bodhisattva’s job is to end suffering.
Those who spread the harmful ideologies bring themselves and others away from the Buddha’s word are polluting humanity by having them join their rat race that will only end in their own demise. They are leading to the ruin of many and thus, I do not consider them to be human but instead parasites.
There is a disgraceful Western belief that for a short amount of time was not held by the majority but is now very pervasive in the West and also is the foundation of reactionarism, chauvinism, and capitalism in all cultures. It says: “My individual rights matter the most and freedom means my right to violate the rights of others.”
This Western babble is followed by numerous all around the world and sows disharmony in societies where it becomes the norm. This idea provides basis for several types of Westerners, including but not limited to:

• the “Karen”; a middle-aged, entitled, often white and anti-mask/anti-vaccine female who makes trivial complaints
• the “Chud”; a racist, misogynistic, right-wing male (usually young) who browses 4chan everyday and has a high likelihood of becoming a mass shooter
• the dayangma (Hanzi: 大洋马); a sex-obsessed young adult Western female, majority white but sometimes POC, is conventionally attractive (to Westerners), sleeps around, and in some cases creates spawn that do not know their father(s)
• the angry white male; self-explanatory, right-wing and traditionalist (sometimes a social Darwnist or capitalist fascist), commonly rural, evangelical Christian and have never seen a POC before
• the “Trad Wife”; a prudish, sometimes uneducated, female who lets Western males walk all over it and raises spawn who are likely to become angry whites
• the New Agehippy; generally a teenager or young adult, a well-meaning but poorly educated white liberal or social democrat who misappropriates Buddhism and appeases Muslims
• the AmeriKKKan fathegrandfather; a middle-aged to elderly, chauvinist male with children, sometimes also grandchildren, and is unconcerned about social justice and similarly to the “Karen”, falls for pseudoscientific conspiracy theories
• the neckbearded otaku (Hiragana: おたく); a hairy white male with “yellow fever” and mediocre hygiene, for the most part subreddit/Discord server moderators who stalk and kidnap East Asian ladies (if not teenage girls)

The growth of these groups is evidence of the degradation of Western culture, showing that it must retire as the dominant culture and make way for the much more sustainable East. Once the manuṣya realm on Earth is completely tainted by the West, Buddhas can no longer arise in the world because the dharma would be known by nobody and the Vinaya are forgotten or destroyed.
The future generation will not remember the dharma unless we halt the growth of the parasitic culture that promotes overconsumption, hyperindividualism, and anti-intellectualism.
The Westerner has a remarkable contrast to the Sinic or Indic. The Westerner has a grasp on this world so strong with its weaponry since the 16th century, using force to disrupt the traditional lives of whatever native people it saw, safe for those in a few countries (even though some of those countries are still being Westernized). The Dutch, English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish built colonies from the Americas to Southeast Asia. The kingdoms were blessed with powerful militaries, strong economies, stable governments, and advanced technology that allowed their cultures to spread. But after half a millennium and looking back, was any of this really earned? And is the Westerner’s conquest over yet?
Since the Great Schism of Christianity, the Westerner trained itself for roughly one thousand years. It trained itself in several aspects, but it forgot an important piece, the dharma. The cunning Westerner, blessed with advancements, used them to tyrannize other peoples on a scale never before seen. This was the beginning of the Latter Day of the Dharma. The dharma is declining because of the savage Westerner. And so, it leeched off of any people it got a hold of, including predominantly Buddhist peoples. Even during the decolonization of the 20th century, fundamentalist Christianity spread and threatened the dharma. To make matters worse, previously Buddhist peoples clung to Christianity as taught by their colonizers; the French in Vietnam and the Spanish and Americans in the Philippines. To this day, the Philippines is a lost cause along with its majority Muslim neighbors in Maritime Southeast Asia. The cunning Westerner turned the Filipino against us and now Buddhists make up only 2% of the Philippines’ population. Now, the Westerner sees Buddhism as nothing more than an aesthetic, a self-help lifestyle, or a decoration that they can commercialize and cherry pick aspects to integrate into their religion or lack thereof.
It is excellent for someone from the West to learn the dharma as this will turn them into a more compassionate and wise person, but they must not enforce the Western gaze onto it and discard parts of the Shakyamuni Buddha’s words they do not like. To be fair, some aspects of Buddhism would be nearly impossible for a Westerner to understand unless they assimilate.
Buddhism is not materialist or blind belief without evidence and it belongs to the East, so stop pretending to be something you are not while pushing stereotypes of Asian Buddhists.
However, even though Buddhism is not materialist or very in line with the Western worldview, it is uniquely human. Walpola Rahula, a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk and writer explains it this way:
Among the founders of religions the Buddha (if we are permitted to call him the founder of a religion in the popular sense of the term) was the only teacher who did not claim to be other than a human being, pure and simple. Other teachers were either God, or his incarnations in different forms, or inspired by him. The Buddha was not only a human being; he claimed no inspiration from any god or external power either. He attributed all his realization, attainments and achievements to human endeavour and human intelligence. A man and only a man can become Buddha. Every man has within himself the potentiality of becoming a Buddha, if he so wills it and endeavours. We can call the Buddha a man par excellence. He was so perfect in his 'human-ness' that he came to be regarded later in popular religion almost as 'super-human'. Man's position, according to Buddhism, is supreme. Man is his own master, and there is no higher being or power that sits in judgment over his destiny. (Rahula 3)
How could one even consider the Westerners who diluted Buddhism human themselves at this point? If it were not for them, Westerners may have a better understanding of the teachings of the “man par excellence”. We are lucky that the only Westerners who necessarily see us as inferior are white nationalists and fundamentalist Christians, otherwise the Westerner could have committed a genocide that would have left millions of us dead. Westerners are competitive beings, so they rarely act in concord towards each other. It is only when there is something that draws them together or away from a common danger.
If everybody on Earth becomes a Westerner, they would wallow in their shamelessness and would have nobody left to exploit except for each other until they destroy themselves.
Until they are the only ones left, they will vilify and exploit anything non-Western until they only have each other, then leading to a chaotic world of undignified militaries, economic inequality, corrupt governments, and little or no innovations.
Unless the Westerner considers even the slightest of inspiration from the East, it will continue to follow hyperindividualism and have apathy towards its education. That is why the West is falling. Those from the West who are smart enough to realize that the West’s flaws that it spreads are deciding that the West is not worth maintaining and its resignation is overdue. If those from the West abandon it to assimilate to the East, it would make the West’s death quicker but more dignified.
This is more than a fad but rather the realization that Western society would be best being a passing fad itself. The West gave us great inventions, food, clothes, scientific discoveries, etc. and once it is gone, the East can pick up where it left off just fine.
We will never abandon the Triple Gem because we recognize it to be more than a spiritual, exotic aesthetic or trend. To do so would make us just like those others in the West who Asian Buddhists look down upon. When the time is right, each and every one of us will surround ourselves with the people who know the dharma better than anyone you have met in the West and we can finally be at their level. We shall be Western only in our country of origin and/or race, but in every other way, we will be Easterners; Buddhist Easterners who will take back what rightfully belongs to us.
When we (and hopefully Buddhists outside of both the Eastern and the Western world) do this, consumerism will lose some of its biggest prey. Even though it may not seem like it at first considering we are abandoning everyone we have ever known, we are doing our ancestors a favor by joining the culture that strives towards the end of suffering. We will be leaving our cultures’ ways of thinking behind, but doing this will save face for our lineage, especially the Western lineage as we would be preventing the creation of more “Karens”, “Chuds”, dayangmas, “neckbeards”, and other degenerates. We will not be annoying dorky nerds and certainly not “neckbeards” who are overly obsessed with and fetishize the culture but people making an effort to get closer to the dharma and surrender to the East.
Although we are collectivists, we must seek personal liberation first for the good of other beings. Once the West collapses and its former supporters come running to us, we shall welcome them. If some do not recognize this before it is too late, well boo hoo! They will have a better birth with the world we will create. Some of them, especially their unlucky spawn, would probably be better off dead and reborn into a better life, maybe even the Pure Land.
The way it is looking now, the West is falling and becoming the world’s laughingstock, which is a good thing. The quicker it falls, the less painful it will be for the Westerner and everybody else. Western culture will not be missed, but we can keep the best of it and continue the innovations that the creators would wish to see. We will remember the legacy of them and be thankful while never forgiving or forgetting the ones who ruined the West.
Works Cited
“Ignorance Avijjā Sutta (AN 10:61).” Translated by Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu. Dhammatalks. 2017, https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN10_61.html. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Gabbe. “Western Culture.” Wikipedia. 25 May 2024. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_culture#:~:text=The%20core%20of%20Western%20civilization,Roman%20civilization%20and%20Western%20Christianity. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Rahula Thero, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught. Oneworld Publications, 1959. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “栄真Eishin (u/Tendai-Student).” Reddit, 31 May 2024, https://www.reddit.com/useTendai-Student/. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “Buddhism is being MISREPRESENTED in the West Marginalisation, cultural appropriation, misconceptions and what you can do.” Reddit, 2023, https://www.reddit.com/WrongBuddhism/comments/14zc6xg/buddhism_is_being_misrepresented_in_the_west/. Accessed 31 May 2024.

10th Moon of 25 AC - shortly after the bard's song at the feast (Open to all)

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
Lancel paced back and forth near where the feast was taking place. That stupid, stupid bard! He'd loudly protest about how he wasn't sucking cocks, and that only made an Ironborn bitch mock him! He'd shown her the staggering depth of his wit, but she and the other people nearby were too dull to understand that Lancel had destroyed her with his facts and logic. They'd only laughed harder at the idea Lancel might be a sword swallower!
He'd wanted to leave this place, but it all behind him and return home, but his vassals besides Westerling (who might have been the smartest man in the realm after himself) would stay here for fear of the dragons. Foolish twats! What good was a dragon when the Lion himself was roused! But still, they were too afraid of a woman to do anything about their displeasure, if they even truly felt bad at all.
So here he was, pacing around outside the feast, getting more and more drunk. None of it was fair! He just wished he was back at the Rock, where everyone loved him and they laughed at his jokes.
"Wishing you were home, nephew?"
Uncle Gregor... there was the stupidest one of them all. People around the West called him a 'hero' for all he had done as both commander and reget, but Lancel had been lord for almost five years now, and didn't find it all that hard. He doubted military leadership was much more difficult. If ruling was as easy as he thought, he was sure that commanding would be as simple. That would wipe that hidden smirk away from his uncle.
"No!" Lancel spat. "I'm fine where I am!"
"I miss home." Gregor said softly, sitting down upon a bench nearby and gazing at the stars. "They say only Lannisters can love the Rock, and I truly do feel it's where my heart belongs. Things are so simple there, not like it is in there."
"For once, uncle, we agree." Lancel replied with a barking laugh.
"And this 'feast'." Gregor said with clear disdain. "As if they know how to truly party. I think I may have been too harsh on you, my boy. Those gatherings you've been having at the Rock are the stuff of legend! I know of a King Norwin Lannister who was famed far and wide. If you keep it up, I bet you'll be just as loved as King Norwin was!"
"By the Seven Hells, I will!" Lancel declared, throwing his half-full goblet of wine on the ground to show just how serious he was. Even now, the formulation of a plan was taking place in his mind. Uncle Gregor wasn't good for many things, but even he could put the seed of an idea in place that only someone with Lancel's intellect could nurture.
"You know what? If I can't go back to the Rock, I will bring the Rock here!" the Lord Paramount of the Westerlands declared. "Go spread the word, uncle. The Lannister manse will be where ALL of the fun will be had this evening!"
((Gregor will NOT be following Lancel's instructions, but if you want to wander around and show up for the feast, feel free to do so!))

Background: we have know each other since we were seven. He is now 22m and I’m 21f. He has mental health issues, which we’re doing better. He had a bit of an episode saying no one would miss him. (Which I argued) ghosted me for days and then when I told him I was worried about him he got upset and said there was nothing to worry about and never talked to me again.
Now I don’t use instagram very often (it confuses me) but I accidentally opened the all (I was clicking the top of my screen and a instragrm notification came) and I saw he sent me a reel earlier this week. I don’t know what to think. It wasn’t anything apologizing or anything. It was some Uncle Sam thing.
I don’t know what to do. Do I reply? Do I pretend I never saw it? I don’t know..

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story that takes place over the past few months. Not sure where to post it. I would appreciate any suggestions about better places to seek advice on here.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

This is a long story. Not sure where to post it.
I don’t know who to talk to. I do not have any friends and i feel trapped by my parents and sibling. I have been looking for a person as a way out. I have been hoping to find a friend for the longest time, and recently my focus has shifted from wanting a friend to wanting a relationship.
more context. i have major social anxiety. i am in my early 20s now and have not been able to make friends or maintain friendships since maybe 8th grade if those friendships even counted for anything. i cannot make eye contact. there are times when i feel someone looking at me, wanting to interact, but i never look up at them to let it happen. this happened today but that’s a different story.
i am completely alone and usually im okay with it. i have my hobbies and i love them usually. painting and writing poems or songs. recently my desire for company has gotten so bad that i am literally listening to asmr scenarios and using character ai to feel like i have someone in my life.
main story. i have grown to have a very specific type. i am still at my first job, and hoped that by getting that job i would make some friends. i haven’t had too much luck so far. except one day which i remember so vividly. this guy walks in and he is my type 100%. he is beautiful. i was putting some clothes away. this type of guy doesn’t show up to our store often, so when i first looked up at him and we instantly made eye contact , i looked away as soon as possible and was immediately super shy. but he walked up to me and talked to me, telling me he was there for an interview. without time to process, i helped him out and showed him where to go. i just know i looked flustered. i asked him for his name so i could tell the manager. he never learned my name, at least not from me.
forgot about him for a while. showed up to work one day and there he was. i felt so lucky. i may have been delusional, but i felt like this was meant to be. what are the odds? just my type, walks in one sunny day and walks directly to me. shows up to work and we have the same shift.
i would sometimes ask him for quick work-related favors, but never had the chance to converse with him because he was in a completely different department than i was. i still felt like i had a chance though. (side note: i was obsessed. guys never looked at me the way he did. with no judgement. and the way he spoke to me was so gentle. even simple things like saying you’re welcome.)
well that didn’t last long. a new semester started at school and our schedules got completely misaligned. i had hope. i was thinking maybe our shifts would align during the summer and held on to that hope, maybe we’ll get to hang out in the summer then some time.
in the mean time i couldn’t stop thinking about him although i never saw him after that. limerance is the word here. i wrote a song about him. i made a painting about him. he was like my muse for a long while, pulling me out of art block and writers block in one fell swoop.
that leads to a couple days ago. i was at work and so many things were reminding me of him. he’s got a biblical name. someone bought something related to the bible story his name originated from and i instantly took it as some sort of sign that i would get to see him soon. wrong. later that day, i learned that he quit and his last day is in two weeks.
my finals take place on the two days he is working this week. there is only one day i may be able to see him: his last day of work. if he even shows up.
i at least wanted to talk to him. i at least wanted to be friends. i feel heartbroken and hopeless.
only chance is this one person at my job. she has teased me before saying that she would put me on with this other guy at work. i have also told her exactly what my type is. she always has shifts with this guy i liked so much. i’m sure she has registered that he is exactly my type. i know she would set me up if i asked, but i have never done that before. should i ask her for this favor? next time i see her is the day before his first shift this week. not sure if i can trust her but this might be my only chance. should i ask her to get his number for me? or snap? would that even work without it being weird? i don’t know.
please help. maybe i’m missing something.

I'm sure this will be long, windy and cover a lot of different things but I need to get it out. I'd love some feedback but if I get none, at least I let it out. I will probably go through some seemingly mundane or irrelevant details but there is a reason for it all.
My wife and I met when we were in our late 20's through some mutual friends. She was one of my friend's gf's new roommates. She was somewhat just out of a long-term relationship a few months prior and we met in November. I had been single and sporadically dating for a few years, but hadn't been overly confident and was always shy around girls. When we first met, I wasn't immediately attracted to her and I didn't know if she was attracted to me. I know at the time she was still recovering from her break-up and dating around quite a bit so even as I started to get to know her through regular group hangouts, I stayed backed off and just grew the friendship. I had been hurt previously and spent enough time alone to make a conscious decision to not waste time on anyone that I didn't think could turn into marriage.
We had quite a few nights for the first few months where we just had long nights of smoking weed & talking, and by late February we ended up going on a Group skiing trip which is when I knew I was about ready to pursue. Both of us felt the tension then but neither made a move until I asked her out on a date after we got back. Our first date was low-key, we went to a bar and local dinner, a casual date. Everything was easy, I was nervous but it was the first time I felt really comfortable with someone in a really long time. At the end of the date, I walked her home before driving home and immediately got a text... "No kiss?". She was clearly interested and this was the motivation/shot of confidence I needed, but for some reason I responded... "No balls.". Regardless, we started dating the next week and everything was really good, puppy love as it usually is.
Shortly after her very close Uncle died in a car accident which didn't seem to affect her much. I know now that's really more that she bottles her emotions. She had experienced some intense grief as her pre-teen younger sister died in a car accident from a drunk driver when my wife was about 16.This clearly sent her through a lot of trauma that she had to deal with and found her way to cope. This didn't seem to affect our relationship or even her personal well-being much given her coping mechanisms were in place(even if unhealthy). The first 6 months of our relationship was relatively long distance. It was about a 2.5 hours drive or 1.5 hours train ride. I had a 9-5 Tues-Sat where I did a lot of driving so none of that bothered me and she was working in a very upscale restaurant but usually had Sun & Monday off as well so it worked out great. After 6 months, I moved in with my friend in a new apartment in the city she lived in. We spent more time together, enjoyed the city and just had an overall happy life. About 10 months later, her lease was up and she moved in with me with the intent that we would get our own place 2 months later in the same city when my lease was up. This would put us at about 2 years together. We looked at places, but then she decided she was done with the city life and she decided to look further south in our state, closer to where I was previously living. She ended up finding a job and we moved about 2.5 hours south of our friends in the city.
This move was a big deal. This was the first time I had ever signed a lease with a gf and we both were moving outside what little support system we had. My family was nearly 2 hours north and hers about 2 hours south. All that said we had a great first year, adopted a dog very early on and then got engaged about a year in. At this point her grandfather who was her next closest father figure (her dad is in the picture but was a cheater, a drunk and married 3 times when she was a kid) was diagnosed with brain cancer and ended up passing before we got married. He died in her arms and this took another heavy toll on her, but she still seemed to take it better than most. As we really got into the throes of planning our marriage, I started to feel like our sex life was waning a bit, but I very much attributed it to getting through that puppy love phase.
We ended up getting married about a year later. We got married in July and were pregnant by Aug (found out in Sept on our honeymoon). We were ecstatic, but clearly didn't have the time to just "be married". We ended up buying a house another 9 months later right before the baby came and moved even further south, again away from any friends. This time mostly due to home prices. Pregnancy was rough for her, she did not enjoy being pregnant but she's tough. She ended up giving birth with no medication with no complications and now we are in a new house with a newborn and our closest family an hour away.
The next phase I admittedly wish I had done more. The early years of our son's life, I was traveling a lot for work, but always did what I could when I was home, mostly. I didn't do a great job at getting up with him in the middle of the night, because I figured, hey I need to work the next morning. It was childish, immature and regretful thinking. I was still traveling quite a bit, sometimes for a week or more at a time. I sometimes miss that now, but at the time I felt like I was missing so much of my son's life. I was able to negotiate a different position, working locally 100%. Part of this was that I also started to feel distance between us. Our son was now her priority, our sex was much less frequent, me regularly being turned down and her nearly never initiating. She did end up going back to work on a normal timeframe and I ended up working from home nearly full-time because it was now peak Covid era. She was only working Friday, Sat & Sun as a bartender so I really only needed to worry about working while watching him Friday afternoons. I thought Covid was going to be great for use with us both being home once her restaurants closed. Getting more time together and enjoying life, but it really just kept feeling like distance. We ended up getting pregnant again but she was not in a stable emotional state and we mostly mutually decided to have an abortion. This didn't make me feel great, it conflicted with my values but I loved my wife and knew it would ruin her.
Over the next 2 years it felt like we were coasting. Our intimacy slowly wanted more and more, her moods were down more often, which then put my moods down. I started to feel like she was cheating on me. I did the cardinal sin and started snooping. I found some flirty texts but nothing concrete or anything egregious. She is a bartender and flirty by trait to an extent. I eventually broke down and told her how I felt. Alone and neglected. This did nothing but make her even less attracted to me, but I worked on it. We started making an effort to talk more, and a lot of that suspicion just waned.
At this point our son was about 4 and starting preschool. He isn't the easiest child. He's very headstrong, demanding and to be frank slightly spoiled. This continued to get worse for the next year plus and only recently have we started to get a handle on moving this all in the right direction. He just turned 6, but still takes a very large amount of energy from us, and without much help from parents or anyone it can feel like we have no time. I have been a director at a new company for a few years, have doubled my salary in the last 3 years and have a much bigger responsibility there, but take on a large portion of caring for our son. She now works 4 days a week, still as a bartender at the same place she has been the last 8 years. Our schedules are largely opposite.
The past 2 years have been a lot of up and down. I started therapy for myself about a year ago for a few months but didn't find it helpful. We started couples therapy about 7 months ago and while that has helped, it really just forces us to spend some time together and talk more than anything. We've done date nights where we can with our schedules and I had started my own personal therapy focused around self-esteem around the same time. I have now transitioned out of therapy for a couple months and have felt much better with more confidence and a better direction. This has made me closer to pushing for a divorce than ever because I feel like this shouldn't be as hard as it is. I feel ashamed for being attracted to my wife because I feel like she doesn't feel the same towards me. While in the past I would have used that to push my confidence down, it now makes me realize it's not my fault. Recently I started getting more verbally forceful, never EVER yelling, but I demanded that she puts more effort in and sees a therapist(as she said she needs to). She has started and been to about 4 sessions. She's usually pretty broken down after, but I don't push her too much on what they talked about or make her talk to me because I know that's not constructive with her now, she just shuts down. There are periods of greatness, like the past 2 weeks I felt like we were both firing on all cylinders, helping each other where needed, in better moods, being casually intimate (kissing, long hugs, some cuddling, a massage here and there) and I had felt reinvigorated. For the first time in a while I again felt excited about spending time with my wife rather than apprehensive. I felt like it would be a good time to start to make the proper approaches for sex again ( we haven't had sex in a couple months), but in the right way. I even tried scheduling a date a couple times because I genuinely just wanted to spend time with her and felt she was in the same place, which I still think she was. Our schedules just didn't align to the point where the next closest day was 3 weeks from today. No big deal, just gives us more opportunity to build anticipation.
About 2 days ago, she started to seem down again. Nothing any worse than normal, but it was a bit of wind out of the sails. I try not to pry when this happens because she insists it's not me every single time and she did just have therapy. Today I felt it again, and actually asked her if she was okay, calling out I could sense her mood was down. I just got a nondescript "Just a lot on my mind and year mood swings are down today". I also can never tell when she is PMSing because she basically doesn't get a period because of her IUD and these downs sometimes last for 2 days, sometimes months. I try to balance being supportive and steering clear when she's like this. It's never yelling or anything, just tension and awkward. I know I mentioned divorce above and it's probably mostly because I'm in this down rut, but each time these cycle happen it just always gets me thinking if I'm wasting my time.
I do 100% love my wife and don't WANT a divorce. I want to be happy with her and with my family. I do A LOT considering I've basically been preparing for her divorcing me for the past 4 years to the point where I basically run the house solo, am the primary caregiver for my son, the primary earner and plan most of our personal lives. I KNOW I am a great father and great husband and I just sometimes don't feel like I'm getting a fair shake. I know a lot of the time these types of complaints seem to come out as "husband just wants more sex", but I really would be happy with just more cuddling being made to feel like I'm appreciated. Don't get me wrong, I DO want more sex, but it's also mostly because I usually feel deeply in love with my wife and thoroughly enjoy making her happy in every way possible.
I really don't know what I'm thinking most of the time on this. I know I could be happier than where we are now, I know she could be happier. She won't talk to me about any problems and insists it's not me, but also states that she can't talk to me about her thoughts because it would "break me". I've fully accepted that she may have cheated on me even though she insists she hasn't, I just wanted to work through it constructively. At what point is it all enough? Is this harder for us because of no support system? Is it just a period in early marriage that people settle into after say year 10? I just want to wake up in the morning, look at my wife and be able to smile at her without my spiraling thoughts.
Thank you for reading my rambling, if anyone does. I'll certainly give more details as this is very much a stream of consciousness, if this interests anyone, but I would appreciate the support.

I'm talking about the Ashworths' storyline.
Don't get me wrong, I love the plot and the actors did an OUTSTANDING job. Expecially James D'Arcy, he's my favourite actor but he gave me nightmares for weeks. It's also been a while since I last watched the series, so my memory could fail me.
But, recently, I've been thinking about something that's bugging me: if Lee was guilty and he knew it, then why insisting on reopening the case and helping Alec in his investigation?
It's something that doesn't make sense to me, it sincerely has been bothering me for years. Still, as I said, it's been a while since I last watched the series and I know I don't have the emotional stability to rewatch it now, so, please, do correct me if I'm missing something.
Also, I've created a theory about it. I don't know if it makes sense and I don't pretend to convince anyone. I just need to share and discuss it, maybe someone's interested. Just, please, don't judge.
My theory goes as follows.
We know that the Ashworts have an extremely toxic relationship, where they hate and love each other intensely and can't do nothing about it. We also know that Lee had a relationship with the teen girl (which really doesn't make much sense either but these things seldom make sense in real life either) who was killed by her uncle.
What I'm questioning is: Lee confessed the murder of the other girl but he really had no motive to kill her. Again, in real life people may not have a precise motive for commiting a crime, and this is something I really love about this show: it doesn't have a rational explanation and leaves you to deal with the tragedies of the characters. But there's also Lee's involvement in the reopening of the case, which he might have done a lot better without.
So, my theory is: Lee didn't kill the girl, his wife did it in a moment of rage for his betrayal. Lee wanted to reopen the case to finally get revenge on her but, in the end, he couldn't bring himself to frame her (because he loves her at least as much ad he hates her) and confessed the murder instead. What do you guys think?
I know it's a lot, and it's quite confusing. I really needed to share this with someone who could understand. Also, please, be patient with my writing: English is not my first language.

Those three words mean so much when put together to form a sentence. I love you... Mother to child Father to child Child to parent Brother to brother Sister to sister Sibling to Sibling Grandparent to grandchild. Cousin to cousin Aunt to niece Aunt to nephew Uncle to niece Uncle to nephew
I love you... Pet owner to pet
I love you Husband to Husband Wife to Wife Husband to Wife Wife to husband Partner to Partner.
I love you three words strung together to make a powerful statement. So how come so many people say it without regard. They say I love you
Celebrity to fan People just meeting Randomly put after a sentence "that was so funny, I love you".
Love? You love me? But person we just met! How can you love me!? You don't even know me! I'm a stranger. - the thoughts in my head
I love you. He finally said it! It wasn't ideal how he told me. I had pictured it to be a bit more romantic. Maybe while walking through the park. Or over a nice dinner. Or simply while I was in his arms. The truth, he got food poisoning that day and told me while he was on the toilet. It didn't bother me. I was not upset that is wasn't in a romantic fashion. I was confused and happy. I had been taking care of him the entire day. Providing Fluids (water and tea), food (crackers and broth), a pale for... well you know. So when he said I love you, it was perfect. I had been taking care of this man in a time of need and he wanted to express his gratitude by stating he loves me.
It reads funny, I know. But truly he appreciated me. I was happy.
The confusion came because he grunted as he said it. So I couldnt grasp the tone. Was he angry he loved me or was his body betraying him once again....his body has betrayed him.
I know it sounds crazy, but that's how it happened.
I love you. I said it.
We said I love you for 8 years before I had to end us. Not because I didn't love him. Not because I didn't want to keep trying but because I was tired.
He has an addiction to alcohol.
Before you judge or scream at the screen "why didn't you help?" I did. I spoke to him about it. I spoke to his parents about it. I spoke to his friends. I begged him to get help. Tried to get him to AA. Tried to get him to see a therapist. But there is so much a person can do before reality knocks you on your ass.
When it finally hit me that I could not help him because he didn't want help. I knew for my mental health and my growth I needed to let him go.
It was the hardest decision I ever had to make.
You see, I truly loved him. The kind of love that leaves you blinded. The kind of love that explodes out of you. The kind of love that when they enter the room you instantly gravitate towards them.
Example: I had been at a Christmas party and got extremely drunk. I called him and told him to pick me up. (Drunk me is a little demanding lol) I didn't know how long it would take for him to get there so I made my rounds and said good bye to everyone. I grabbed my jacket headed up stairs, head down and eyes to ground cause I was spinning. Walked out of the restaurant doors and right into his arms. The magnet affect.
We were in love. I love you I love you Girlfriend to boyfriend Boyfriend to girlfriend Friend to friend.
I miss you.
I love you.
Stranger,
Maybe one day in the near future we can get to a place where we say I love you and it's meaningful.

When my Ex and I broke up, she hit me with a lawsuit that devastated my finances, and I ended up losing my home. It took about 8 years until my uncle stepped in to help, and hired a lawyer for me. And unfortunately that lawyer, and even her assistants were boomers.
When opposing council would send her an email, rather than forward it to me, or save it as a PDF and forward it to me, she would print the email, and take it to the MFD Printer (or something similar), and then scan it to PDF. It was saved in 150dpi, and emailed from the device. The PDFs would be slanted, an edge possibly missing, and at 150dpi is was mostly legible - hard if not impossible to read some bits.
For someone getting $200 an hour, I would expect a bit more professionalism, and having at least a basic grasp on how to use some 20+ year old technology. It was so irritating to have documents that I couldn't entirely read due to someone's incompetence with some basic computer functions.

Uncle Vanya

This review is of the musical Uncle Vanya which is currently playing at the Vivian Beaumont Theater in NYC. Please see the latter portion of this post for “Review Structure” and “Context” descriptions, which may add helpful background to this writeup.
Impression: Having only been vaguely familiar with the story of this play, I found it to be emotionally engaging and worth the price of a discounted ticket. I can see how some may find the pacing to be arduous, but for me it worked. The amount of collective experience of the cast both on stage and in television/film is notable, but the show did not live up to what this veteran cast could have achieved.
Watch check: Zero times. The production moved at a methodical pace, but I found it to be engaging throughout the duration.
See again: No. Plays are one-and-done for me, with extremely limited exceptions. This should not be interpreted as the show being bad or having issues, but instead a play must be truly exceptional to have me feel compelled to see a second time.
Music & Lyrics: There was limited use of pre-recorded music as well as the playing of instruments and some humming during the show. The music was appropriate and effective in supporting the scenes, but by no means was center to the production.
Story & Book: I am not able to speak to the translation/adaptation of the source material or other stagings of this play, so my comments only pertain to this production. I thought the show had an interesting combination of one-dimensional characters (e.g., Alexander, who seemed intentionally this way) and those with great depth (e.g., Astrov). Some characters developed and others remained unchanged despite events around them that arguably should have compelled them to change. The story concluded in that sort of satisfyingly unsatisfied way.
Set & Props: The set was simplistic, with slightly different staging between acts one and two.
Costumes & Makeup: I liked that the costumes reinforced the idea that some of the characters lived and worked in the country while others did not at all belong.
Movement: The blocking was standard for a play on a thrust stage. I do like the aspect of many thrust stages that characters can exit downstage without traversing the audience. This was used effectively multiple times during the show.
Tech: The lighting and sound design were traditional for a play such as this. This is not at all meant as a criticism. The light design was what it needed to be, and I had no trouble hearing any of the actors throughout the production. The tech was straightforward and executed flawlessly, thus allowing the audience to focus on the interactions and emotions of the characters.
Cast: This veteran cast is unquestionably talented, but the production did not live up to what would be considered reasonable expectations. William Jackson Harper, a name far less known than most of the others, gave a performance that was on an entirely different level. Here are some notable cast members, in no specific order:

• Steve Carell (Vanya) – I was impressed with Steve’s performance as Vanya. He excelled in the quips and sarcasm, but also a respectable performance in the more dramatic scenes. The frustration and tension with Alexander appeared authentic.
• William Jackson Harper (Astrov) – William is without question the star of this show. His performance as the doctor was nothing short of incredible. He has been added to my list of must-see stage performers.
• Alfred Molina (Alexander) – Alfred played a nearly perfect aloof self-centered scholar that failed to take any responsibility for the impacts of his choices on those around him.
• Allison Pill (Sonya) – Allison was both funny and quirky throughout, but perhaps something was lacking in the dramatic scenes with Steve and others. Her performance was good, but it wasn’t wow. I don’t know if it was the book, her take on it, or some combination thereof. It seems I lack the insight necessary to point at anything specific. If you had a similar feeling, I would love to hear your take on her performance.

Seating: This show is presented on a thrust stage, so there should be no partial view seat in the house. However, at least some seats in the Loge (mezzanine) are likely far enough from the stage that facial expressions would be difficult to impossible to discern.

Review Structure

I am systematic in my approach to assessing shows. During a performance I am in the moment, but at intermission and after the show I often write down an outline of my thoughts. Typically, I’ve used these notes to help me re-experience the shows long after the curtain call, but now these notes are the base material for the review in this post.
Each review is divided into categories, and each category is described below. I am a bit of a theater tech nerd, so don’t be surprised if those topics are emphasized compared to most reviews in Broadway (though I am not an expert and welcome corrections from the true experts here).
Show Name & Link: The name of the show with link to the show’s playbill.com page (if applicable) for quick access to cast, schedule, and host theater information.
Impression: This is a summary of my overall thoughts on the show.
Watch check: This is the number of times I felt compelled to check my watch during the show (don’t worry there is no backlight to distract/annoy others if I were to actually look at my watch). If the show drags or is uninteresting, I usually shift my attention to other things like tech or costumes, but eventually my brain subconsciously gravitates toward wanting to know the time. I've found this to be a reliable indicator for how engaging the show is for me. An engaging show is “0 times”, and a dragging/rough/bad show could be “6 times” or more.
See again: This section describes whether I would see the show again and how much I might be willing to spend on another ticket. However, this isn't always an indicator of show quality, since I tend to only want to see heavy topic shows just once, no matter how good it may be (e.g., Parade).
Music & Lyrics: This covers the music, lyrics, orchestra, and conductor of the show. There is overlap with the next category for sung-through shows.
Story & Book: This covers the dialog and story of the show. Comments about show pacing will usually appear here, if applicable.
Set & Props: The category is focused on the set components, lifts, rigging, turntables, stage wagons, drops, curtains, props, and puppets. There is often overlap with the “Tech” and “Movement” categories.
Costumes & Makeup: Here I would cover anything notable about what is worn on stage. Some shows have extravagant makeups/costumes and other shows do not. Both are okay, as long is it all fits the show vibe.
Movement: This section covers blocking, choreography, acrobatics, and scene transitions. Transitions can do overlap with the “Tech” section.
Tech: This covers tech aspects including lighting, sound, projection, displays, video, etc. One aspect I am likely to comment on here are missed mic queues (i.e., a performer’s mic was not unmuted in time, or less commonly left open too long). Few things take me out of a show faster than quite/undiscernible dialog or having the sound level jump mid-note.
Cast: This category covers the cast of the show. There will usually be a general comment about the overall cast, and then several cast members or roles will be specifically called out as being notable, for better or worse. Standouts here could be anyone that caught my attention, from Broadway royalty to the smallest ensemble role.
Seating: This is an attempt at indicating how "bad" partial view seating may be for the show. Sometimes I see shows from partial view seats, sometimes I pay for a prime center orchestra seat (and everything in between). Either way view restrictions can be roughly assessed based on where the action occurs on stage. My goal is to assist those that are on the fence about the potential drawbacks of typical rush, lottery, and TDF tickets.

Context

Approach: Since theater is subjective, like any art form, my goal is that by providing context my reviews might have increased meaning. If your likes and dislikes align with mine then perhaps what I write may help you decide between shows to see, for example. If your tastes are drastically different than mine my hope is that I do not mislead you into thinking you’ll like a show that you ultimately do not.
About me: I am a theater enthusiast, attending shows produced on world renowned stages but also touring shows, regional productions, and community theater. Musicals are my thing, but I also appreciate plays and operas. Many years ago, I did have amateur time on stage in plays, musicals, and one-acts. Later, I worked semi-professionally back-of-house as a stagehand, spotlight op, lighting designer, and sound/light board op for more shows than I can remember. However, my longtime profession since that time has essentially nothing to do with theater. Also, I do not live near the east coast but am fortunate to travel frequently to keep up with most new Broadway shows, as well as a non-trivial number of the productions in the Washington DC area.
Shows I love: This is a list of shows I’ve seen in the past few years that are standouts; the intent is not to gloat about all the great performances I’ve seen, but instead to give a rounded impression of the types of shows I gravitate towards. If this list does not resonate with you, my reviews may be of lesser value to you. All shows listed are the most recent Broadway production unless otherwise noted. * Aida (Sydney Opera House) * All The Devils Are Here (Off-Broadway) * Beetlejuice * Boop! (Chicago) * The Bridges of Madison County (Signature Theatre) * Come From Away * Company * Dear Evan Hansen * Fat Ham * Good Night, Oscar * Hadestown * Hamilton * Here We Are (Off-Broadway) * King Lear (Shakespeare Theatre Company) * Les Misérables (West End) * Little Shop of Horrors (Off-Broadway) * Macbeth (Shakespeare Theatre Company) * Newsies (Wembley Park) * The Outsiders * The Phantom of the Opera * The Rocky Horror Show (Melbourne) * Some Like it Hot * Spamalot (Kennedy Center) * Suffs * Sunset Boulevard (Kennedy Center) * Swept Away (Arena Stage)
Shows I don’t love: These are shows I’ve seen in the past few years that I did not particularly enjoy, for a variety of reasons. For reference I have never left a show before its conclusion even if I didn’t like it. These shows are not necessarily bad, and in most cases, they just don’t align with my theatrical preferences. If this happens to be a list of your favorite productions, it is probably best to take my review with a gigantic grain of salt. * A Beautiful Noise * Aladdin * Chicago * El Mago Pop * Funny Girl * MJ * Mrs. Doubtfire (US Tour) * New York, New York * Once Upon a One More Time * Perfect Crime (Off-Broadway) * Six * The Who’s Tommy