All the cows were falling out of the sky and landing in the mud. You were drinking sangria and I was throwing oranges at you
But it didn’t matter. I said my arms are very long and your head’s on fire
I said kiss me here and here and here
And you did
Then you wanted pasta
So we trampled out into the tomatoes and rolled around to make the sauce
You were very beautiful
We were in the Safeway parking lot. I couldn’t find my cigarettes
You said Hurry up! but I was worried there would be a holdup
And we would be stuck in a hostage situation, hiding behind
The frozen meats, with nothing to smoke for hours
You said Don’t be silly
So I followed you into the store
We were thumping the melons when I heard somebody say Nobody move!
I leaned over and whispered in your ear I told you so
There was a show on the television about buried treasure. You were trying to convince me that we should buy shovels
And go out into the yard and I was trying to convince you that I was a vampire
On the way to the hardware store I kept biting your arm
And you said if I really was a vampire I would be biting your neck
So I started biting your neck
And you said Cut it out!
And you bought me an ice cream, and then we saw the UFO
These are the dreams we should be having. I shouldn’t have to
Clean them up like this
You were lying in the middle of the empty highway
The sky was red and the sand was red and you were wearing a brown coat
There were flecks of foam in the corners of your mouth
The birds were watching you
Your eyes were closed and you were listening to the road and I could hear your breathing, I could hear your heart beating. I carried you to the car and drove you home but you weren’t making any sense
I took a shower and tried to catch my breath
You were lying on top of the bedspread
In boxer shorts, watching cartoons and laughing but not making any sound. Your skin looked blue in the television light
Your teeth looked yellow. Still wet, I lay down next to you. Your arms, your legs, your naked chest
Your ribs delineated like a junkyard dogs. There’s nowhere to go, I thought. There’s nowhere to go
You were sitting in a bathtub at the hospital and you were crying
You said it hurt
I mean the buildings that were not the hospital
I shouldn’t have mentioned the hospital
I don’t think I can take this much longer
In the dream I don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap. Let’s say you’re driving down the road with your eyes closed
But my eyes are also closed
You’re by the side of the road
You’re by the side of the road and you’re doing all the talking
While I stare at my shoes. They’re nice shoes, brown and comfortable, and I like your voice
In the dream I don’t tell anyone, I’m afraid to wake you up
In these dreams it’s always you:
The boy in the sweatshirt
The boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me
From jumping off the bridge
Oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued
Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me. The sandwich cut in half on the plate
I woke up and ate ice cream in the dark
Hunched over on the wooden chair in the kitchen
Listening to the rain
I borrowed your shoes and didn’t put them away
You were crying and eating rice
The surface of the water was still and bright
Your feet were burning so I put my hands on them, but my hands
Were burning too
You had a bottle of pills but I wouldn’t let you swallow them. You said Will you love me even more when Im dead?
And I said No, and I threw the pills on the sand
Look at them, you said. They look like emeralds
I put you in the cage with the ocelots. I was trying to fatten you up
With sausage and bacon
Somehow you escaped and climbed up the branches of a pear tree. I chopped it down but there was no one in it
I went to the riverbed to wait for you to show up. You didn't show up
I kept waiting

Hello hello! ♡ I’m 24 and use she/her pronouns! I’m black, 5'1/5’2, and I’m the chubbier side (tummy/rolls) so just a heads up :P if you aren’t okay with that, we aren’t compatible lol. Anyways, I’m currently studying but graduated college back in May!
I’m into a multitude of things! Mainly I’m a gamer though! I play on PC and have an Xbox! I mainly play Fortnite (HUGEEEE PLUS) and Overwatch these days but am down to try anything out honestly! Some single players (Mass Effect and BG3 currently)! I have other games like Stardew Valley, RDR2, Overcooked, etc! But yes being a gamer is a HUGE plus for me! I love a lil nerdy guy! Even better if you're REALLLY GOOD at Fortnite and Overwatch :> Also, especially if you’d stream games for me and we can just chill together <3
Besides gaming I love stuff like Marvel, Transformers, anime, etc! I’d love to be able to watch shows and movies with someone :> I also collect crystals, keychains, plushies, and other stuff!
I also very much love love loveeee The Weeknd !! xotwod ♡ he’s my favorite artist/musician ever! If you’re xo, I love you already!
I’m looking for someone 24-28 (can be flexible depending, shoot your shot, you never know lol), who’s taller than me (sorry I love a good height difference LOL), and is very open to communication. I love someone in touch with their emotions and knows how to receive and give affection! I am BIG on receiving attention so keep this in mind >.< I can be clingy but I also know when to give space and respect boundaries! Be a decent human being basically, that's bare minimum <3 Also if you have a nice voice that’s a huge bonus, I’m a sucker for a good voice <3 I love receiving cute voice messages heh! A huge plus if you send me a voice message (you can use the site voocaroo) so I can hear your voice !! I also love just long paragraphs of love and affection so if you’re a romantic and love to do that I’m sold lol! I am open to long distance but I do have the expectations that it will become in person eventually! I’d prefer those in my timezone, but willing to work with those farther out (Max 6+ hour difference) <3 It’s all about effort in the long run! I'm hoping to find someone who can not only be my person, but someone I can call my best friend, duo, and just my everything. Please be emotionally available, and good with communication. I'm NOT looking to rush anything since I think a huge part of having a good relationship is starting with a friendship! Please keep this in mind. I want you to be my best friend whom is also my special person ♡
I lean left and I’m lgbtq+ friendly! I’m queer ♡ I’m really big on having good morals that stand in best interest for every individual!
If you message me, PLEASEE write me an introduction (including your name, appearance description or picture, age, interests, etc)! If you don’t put obvious effort into your message I’ll ignore it lol! Let's not waste each other's time.
If we click I’ll share my discord!
Hoping to get to know you and possibly make a connection ◡̈ ♡ xoxoxo I want to make somebody mine hehe
To ensure you read this completely, tell me your favorite season (like Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall) !! (Will check for this, and ignore if it's not there!)

Hello hello! ♡ I’m 24 and use she/her pronouns! I’m black, 5'1/5’2, and I’m the chubbier side (tummy/rolls) so just a heads up :P if you aren’t okay with that, we aren’t compatible lol. Anyways, I’m currently studying but graduated college back in May!
I’m into a multitude of things! Mainly I’m a gamer though! I play on PC and have an Xbox! I mainly play Fortnite (HUGEEEE PLUS) and Overwatch these days but am down to try anything out honestly! Some single players (Mass Effect and BG3 currently)! I have other games like Stardew Valley, RDR2, Overcooked, etc! But yes being a gamer is a HUGE plus for me! I love a lil nerdy guy! Even better if you're REALLLY GOOD at Fortnite and Overwatch :> Also, especially if you’d stream games for me and we can just chill together <3
Besides gaming I love stuff like Marvel, Transformers, anime, etc! I’d love to be able to watch shows and movies with someone :> I also collect crystals, keychains, plushies, and other stuff!
I also very much love love loveeee The Weeknd !! xotwod ♡ he’s my favorite artist/musician ever! If you’re xo, I love you already!
I’m looking for someone 24-28 (can be flexible depending, shoot your shot, you never know lol), who’s taller than me (sorry I love a good height difference LOL), and is very open to communication. I love someone in touch with their emotions and knows how to receive and give affection! I am BIG on receiving attention so keep this in mind >.< I can be clingy but I also know when to give space and respect boundaries! Be a decent human being basically, that's bare minimum <3 Also if you have a nice voice that’s a huge bonus, I’m a sucker for a good voice <3 I love receiving cute voice messages heh! A huge plus if you send me a voice message (you can use the site voocaroo) so I can hear your voice !! I also love just long paragraphs of love and affection so if you’re a romantic and love to do that I’m sold lol! I am open to long distance but I do have the expectations that it will become in person eventually! I’d prefer those in my timezone, but willing to work with those farther out (Max 6+ hour difference) <3 It’s all about effort in the long run! I'm hoping to find someone who can not only be my person, but someone I can call my best friend, duo, and just my everything. Please be emotionally available, and good with communication. I'm NOT looking to rush anything since I think a huge part of having a good relationship is starting with a friendship! Please keep this in mind. I want you to be my best friend whom is also my special person ♡
I lean left and I’m lgbtq+ friendly! I’m queer ♡ I’m really big on having good morals that stand in best interest for every individual!
If you message me, PLEASEE write me an introduction (including your name, appearance description or picture, age, interests, etc)! If you don’t put obvious effort into your message I’ll ignore it lol! Let's not waste each other's time.
If we click I’ll share my discord!
Hoping to get to know you and possibly make a connection ◡̈ ♡ xoxoxo I want to make somebody mine hehe
To ensure you read this completely, tell me your favorite season (like Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall) !! (Will check for this, and ignore if it's not there!)

1- Freddy and Mike hallway scene
Mike stumbles down the hallway towards the emergency exit door as he reaches it the lights turn off, then comes the familiar sound of the Freddy's music box playing toreador march. Mike quickly turns around, to his horror he sees Freddy Fazbear standing at the other end of the hallway the animatronics glowing face flickering to the sound of the music. Mike screams as the lights flicker and Freddy charges towards him just before Freddy reaches him, Vanessa pulls the door open from the outside and grabs a hold of Mike and yanks him through before closing the door behind them. Venessa shoves Mike into the back seat of her police cruiser and climbs into the front and drives off, she watches in through rear view mirror as Freddy's stands at door watching the car disappear down the road his eyes glowing a dark red.
2- Max's death (warning quiet graphic)
"follow me." says Freddy's sprit says running off down a hallway "hey wait, it dangerous in here!" she yells running after him worryingly "this way!" the child says running into the parts and service room Max walks cautiously towards the door breathing heavily. she opens the door and walks inside the moment she enters she sees the remains of old animatronics sparky dog among them, "little boy, its okay I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to help you" she says looking through the pile of animatronics "help me" comes a voice from the other side of the room, Max quickly turns towards the sound and is greeted with the sight of Freddy standing there "w-what the f**k.." she says slightly scared and worried "Its okay I'm going to get you out of there" Max says grabbing a foldable chair and climbing on top of it to pear inside Freddy's mouth as she looks down inside the suit she sees the human skeletal remains of the child inside. Max screams in fear and degust she tries to pull back but its too late. Freddy bites down onto Max's body splitting her in half killing her instantly, and making her upper and lower half fall to the ground sending blood and guts spraying across the floor.
3- Mikes fights off Bonnie, Freddy and Chica.
"no.." Mike whispers to him self as he watches Chica take Abby's hand and leads her out of sight. he then kicks open the vent leading to the main room and climbs out as he looks up he sees Bonnie and Freddy's stop performing and walk off the stage towards him, he quickly grabs the taser and cattle prod from his belt and ready's himself for an attack. Bonnie jumps towards him but Mike rolls out of the way, sending bonnie into the Table fort they build together only just the night before. this sends chairs and tables plummeting to the ground and scattering everywhere knocking Mike to the ground, Freddy rises his foot and is about to crush Mikes head. But Mike uses the cattle prod on Freddy's leg the electric volts travel though Freddy's systems making him switch off and fall to the ground. Mike gets up quickly and sees Bonnie getting ready to charge at him again so Mike grabs a bucket of water from the side of the stage and splashes Bonnie with it he then aims his taser at the blue bunny and shoots successful knocking bonnie out. Mike then hears the scream of his sister Abby, he runs towards back stage and opens the door to see Chica trying to shove Abby into a spring lock suit "hey! leave her alone" Mike yells getting Chica's attention, she puts Abby down with angry look on her face and starts to walk towards Mike he then shoots her in the eye knocking her out Abby then runs towards Mike and hugs him "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Mike asks looking for wounds on her body "I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I don’t know why she was trying to hurt me" Abby says crying and sniffling "Abby, listen to me, I’ve been an idiot about so many things. I’ve been stuck trying to fix the past, but you are the most important thing in the world to me, and I promise you I’m gonna do better." Mike says remembering about all the times he wasn't there for her "I love you, too, Mike. But we should probably go now.." she says looking down at Chica's unconscious body Mike grabs her hand and they both run out of the room.

Link zum Battle
Battlerapsonntag, ein Spass für jung und alt.
Schon paar Tage her dass ich mich hingesetzt und ungefragt meine Gedanken rausgerotzt hab, aber heut gibts auch mal endlich wieder nen Leckerbissen. War live vor Ort und hatte relativ großen Spass.
Also für die, die den Lachs noch nicht kennen: Ich werde hier jetzt das Battle anschauen,- "bisschen" was dazu runtertippen was mir dabei so durchn Kopf schiesst und dann werden wir hier gemeinsam hoffnungslos abnerden. Falls ihr Bock habt. Schreiben werde ich so oder so.
Also leeets go: Geuni gegen Bayze. DLTLLY im Spek (mein erstes DLTLLY Event, es war ganz wunderbar. Und das Spek ist einfach ne tolle Location, da stimmt alles. Akustik top, Platzwahlmöglichkeiten top, Linsensuppe top, Team top, Lage absolut beschissen aber das ist nicht schlimm genug um die Tops aufzuwiegen)

Okay, wir gehen rein - SPOILER AB JETZT!!!

Erste Runde Bayze:
Kommt rein indem sie sich selber zitiert (bald auch bei DLTLLY) und spielt erstmal mit Attitude und bisschen rumgeflexe. Gefällt mir ganz gut, nur bei der "Füße runter von Tisch" Nummer war mir persönlich die Attitude wieder ein ganz klein bisschen drüber. Im Laufe des Battles werden wir aber sehen, dass das diesmal ein Ausrutscher war und die Performance on point ist, soviel möchte ich vorweg nehmen. (Warum überhaupt "der Tisch"? Bayze hat sich selber mal als Tisch bezeichnet, Moitz und Craze haben da ne ganze Runde draus gemacht und alles war ganz witzig. Nur so als Kontext, der Tisch könnte noch ne Rolle spielen...)
Bayze hat mit 4 Battles das erreicht, was Geuner mit 40 erreicht hat? Ist natürlich nen bisschen zusammengeschustert und macht auch eig. keinen Sinn (weil Leute battlen halt auch mal Newcomer) aber ich fands trotzdem gut, zumal Geunis Leistungskurve aktuell auch etwas abschwächt insofern ist der Front vielleicht sogar legit. "Du Battleraps Benjamin Button. Was nützt dir ein neuer Body wenn deine Bars dich alt aussehen lassen?"
Performance gefällt mir RICHTIG gut. Bayze schlendert laid back durch den Kreis, guckt maximal angepisst und der Stimmeinsatz passt auch. Nach "diese Bars gehen unter die Haut wie deine Adipositas" schreit Bayze erneut, diesmal ist der Stimmeinsatz perfekt und nicht so leicht drüber wie bei dem Tisch vorhin.
"Es ist quality over quantity" bezieht sich zwar (glaube ich) auf Geunis 100 Battles, aber ich finde es passt auch perfekt zu Bayzes heutiger Leistung. Alles wirkt sehr on point geschrieben und geactet, ohne unnötige Schnörkel.
Dass Geuni beim ersten Anblick von Bayze im FoB Kreis schockverliebt war wird lächelnd abgenickt und es wirkt fast so als hätte Geuni zu diesem Thema auch noch was zu sagen. Man tut nicht tuen, aber bei "tust mich auf Insta suchen landest in meinen DMs Boi" möchte ich noch einmal Bayzes Acting hervorheben und dann reichts auch mit Runde eins.
Erste Runde Geuni:
Freestylekonter zum Einstieg: Geuner bekommt kein Hartz4 sondern Bürgergeld!!!
Vergleicht sein Ssynic Battle mit diesem hier und kommt zu dem Punkt, dass er diesmal vor "ner geilen Crowd und nem echten Gegner" steht. Außerdem hat Geuni selber keinen Bock mehr auf seine Catchphrase, deshalb sind seine Battles ab jetzt "wie der Beginn jeder Netflix-Serie: Er skippt das Intro und kommt direkt zur Action" Sagt der nach 2 Minuten, aber egal, will jetzt hier keine Erbsen zählen.
Die Action besteht aus einem kurzen Erzählstück in dem Geuni Bayze kaputthaut, wird dann vom Sergeant unterbrochen weil man keine Frauen schlägt, keine Ahnung. Dann gibts Baseballschlägerbars. "Was denn? Ich komm von der Strasse, nicht das erste Mal dass ich mit Bayze kämpfen muss" "Ich komme aus einer Gegend in der jeder Zweite einen Baseballschläger besitzt, aber keiner weiß was Baseball ist." fand ich gut.
Dann gibt Geuni ihr aber propz, da sie "das Gegenteil von Taylor Swift" sei und bittet sie in ihren Parts nicht zu eklig zu ihm zu werden.
Irgendwie ist das hier grad alles eher ein Wechselspiel zwischen "ich mach dich alle" und "ich find dich voll cool" und das hebelt sich - für mich - laufend gegenseitig aus, sodass ich überhaupt nicht mehr weiß wo das jetzt alles hinlaufen soll. Gibt auch noch paar Bars die ich weid fand, aber ich will jetzt hier nicht nur meckern. Leider finde ich aber auch grad nichts, was ich richtig cool finde.
Noch mehr Basballschläger-Lines. Und Tischlines auf die ich eigentlich eingehen wollte, aber jetzt will ich das nicht mehr.
Zweite Runde Bayze:
Team Nordkorea: Die Catchphrase wird zitiert, mittendrin von einem "halt die Fresse du Horst-Peter" unterbrochen und dann kommt dieses "sagst du, weil klingt natürlich cooler aber: Du bist nicht von da. DU BIST NICHT VON DA?!" Finde ich irgendwie lustig. Bitingvorwürfe an Geuni, der im Verdacht steht irgendeinen "Christen-Rapper" zu kopieren, kenn ich nicht, fühl ich nicht. "Du bist so tief in seinem Arsch, das ist schon fast unchristlich" war ne gute Line, tho.
Diese "du sammelst Sünden / Ich bin der Antichrist und hiernach muss die Location geräuchert werden" Nummer war halt reines Attitudegeflexe und hat null gepuncht. "der Sonntag ist für dich heilig? Keine Sorge, ich töte dich an einem Samstag!" hat dann wieder bisschen Reaction bekommen. Geuni hat im Sinan-G Kontext irgendas weirdes gesagt und dazu gibts jetzt folgendes Highlight: "Schreibst auf Twitter du hast nen Crush auf Greta Thunberg, find ich ja lachhaft. Würde die nicht aussehen wie 14, du pädophiler Bastard!" Auch hier: Acting gefällt mir super. Genauso wie bei "nimm deine Beine in die Hand und lauf." Einfach top.
Nächstes Thema: Magen-OP. Das Gebrülle nach "was nützt dir deine Magen-OP wenn du von vorne wie ein Dreieck aussiehst?" (bombenline!!!!) war dann doch wieder ein bisschen viel für mich. Also diese "Hä?!" Die folgende "Nussecken" - Flowpassage gefällt mir SEHR gut, gleichsam schade und absolut verdient da von der Crowd unterbrochen zu werden. (Lass sie rappen)
Wunderschöner Moment wie Bayze bei "deine MC Donaldsfiliale vermisst dich" aus der Rolle fällt und lacht.
Das Ende war wieder eher puncharm, dafür gabs nochmal bisschen Attitude. Und Sandwiches.
Zweite Runde Geuni:
Der Konter aufs Location ausräuchern (für mich als Zigeuner nen schwieriges Thema) war top!
Jetzt folgt so nen Nice-Guy-Friendzone-Angle, den ich live ein bisschen komisch und im Kontext (Battlerap) ein bisschen deplaziert fand. Mal schaun, Alter. Mal schaun. Also: Geunis Vorbereitung geht bereits seit 3 Jahren da er, wie eben schon erwähnt, nen "miesen Crush" auf Bayze hat. Oder hatte. Geuni malt ein Bild von sich als schüchternen Typen, der sich nie traut Frauen anzusprechen während sein Crush ausgerechnet die Abschlussballprinzessin ist, die "im Club die heissesten Typen vernascht" Das "an einer bestimmten Stelle sammelt sich bei mir Blut" Ding war offensichtlich ein Mislead, wirkte trotzdem weird. Egal, wie auch immer. Irgendwann hat Geuni sich dann ein Herz gefasst, (da das Blut?) Bayze angeschrieben,- und wurde geghostet. Zwei Jahre lang.
"Bayze! Ich habe dich geliebt. Doch für dich war ich nur ein dicker Freak!"
Das Bayze dann, als Geuni anfing abzunehmen, doch plötzlich auf seine Stories reagiert hat, war witzig. Da bin ich dann auch eingestiegen, vorher fand ich das alles ein bisschen langweilig. "Mittlerweile findest du ich bin ein süßer Typ, doch wir beide werden nie intim (oder sagt der "nen Team"?) denn wer den fetten Geuner nicht wollte hat den sexy Geuner nicht verdient!" war halt auch ehrlich ne saulustige Line. Acting auch.
Wie Geuner das ganze Thema dann zum Schluss dreht und da so nen "wisst ihr wie hart das ist geghostet zu werden" Realtalk draus strickt, fand ich dann aber doch wieder zu viel gewollt. Aber die ganze einfach mal random ne Frau anschreiben/Ghosting-Nummer kann man wohl in beide Richtungen unangenehm auslegen, idk. Außerdem wirkte das Ding viel zu lang und eher wie ne Selbsttherapie (sagt Geuner ja auch selber) nur: Hat mich nicht wirklich unterhalten, sorry. Die Moralkeulennummer die Geuner dann daraus gebastelt hat machte das auch nicht besser.
Dritte Runde Bayze:
"Du wolltest ein sportliches Match. Junge nichts an dir ist sportlich!" Muss ich immer wieder drüber lachen. Bayzes Ausdruck dabei auch 10/10.
Bisschen Deeptalk, Geuner battlet nur noch für die Kohle und hat die Leidenschaft verloren. Und dass Geuner von seiner Freundin verlassen wurde weil er sie fortwährend beleidigt haben soll. "Man du kannst dir sowas gar nicht leisten, natürlich gab sie dir den Laufpass. Du bist fett, arbeitslos, homophob, sexistisch,- ich glaub du willst dass dich jede Frau hasst!"
Geht weiter mit an den Haaren herbeigezogenen Rassismusangles gegen Hiding John, denn Geuni scheint "mit seiner eigenen Identitätskrise nich klarzukommen und projiziert diese stattdessem auf andere.
Zum Schluss noch ein mit ordentlich Pathos beladener Part über Geuners Gefühlswelt und dass seine Verfressenheit ein "Schrei nach Liebe" seien. "Du spielst die Witzfigur schon so lange du hast die Filmklappe nicht gehört" war top.
Bomben Abschlussline: "Deine Selbstironie war dein Angle. Deine Adipositas war dein Scheme. Jetzt bist du nur noch die Hälfte von MC Geuner - also nur noch irgendein MC!"
Dritte Runde Geuni:
Vergewaltigung wird thematisiert, weil Bayze und Lily gegen Craze nen Vergewaltigungsangle gebracht haben. Geuner bringt paar Fakten und macht dann aus "Vergewaltigungslines", die Bayze gegen Nika gekickt hat, ne Moralkeule. Liefert den Disclaimer dass wir jetzt nicht "och wirklich, Geuner? Zeigefingerbars gegen ne Frau!" sagen sollten gleich mit. Dass Bayze sowas "darf weil sie ne Frau ist" wär - für mich persönlich aber auch gar nicht das was diesen Moralangle nicht treffend macht, sondern eher die Tatsache dass ein paar Randombars gegen Nika jetzt nicht das moralische Gewicht bzw. die Angriffsfläche bieten, die andere MCs sich zu dem Thema geschaffen haben. War halt auch so generisches "ich hab dich so fertiggemacht - nenn es Vergewaltigung" Zeug und kein Scheme oder so. Fühl den Vorwurf nicht, dafür assoziiere ich Bayze zu wenig (eigentlich überhaupt nicht) mit dem Thema Vergewaltigungsbars.
Das "Du hast hier als erste krasse Frau ne Möglichkeit für ne Plattform und nutzt diese für so nen Kack" Narrativ würde sogar funktionieren, aber das Grundgerüst auf dem das aufgebaut wird ist halt super wackelig und vieeeeel zu klein.
Dass es wack ist gegen Nika - in einem Raum voller Männer - auf die "du fickst nicht weil du hässlich bist" Karte zu gehen kann man machen. Trotzdem hab ich, auch hier wieder, das Gefühl Geuner zieht sich hier nen moralischen Realtalk ausm Ärmel der irgendwie null Hand und Fuß hat, weil er einfach nen moralischen Realtalk bringen wollte.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hui, das klang jetzt bzgl. Geuner alles ein bisschen negativer als ich es empfunden hab aber obwohl ich relativ viel Spass hatte, gabs da für mich wenige Highlights auf seiner Seite. Bayze dafür umso stärker. Starkes Battle!
Schönen Sonntag euch Allen.

*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment **\*
Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
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Okay so I met my boyfriend online about two years ago and we got together rather quickly. I used to travel to visit but ever since his mom forbid me from visiting again after an awkward incident I haven’t been back (only twice and stayed at a hotel) and since he works full time and money is tight he doesn’t visit that often so it’s been a bit more challenging. Like I said he works a lot and sometimes overtime so I try to be considerate of his time and I even align my schedule to match up with his as much as possible so we can talk and stay connected. A few months ago he told me he made a friend at the gym. I thought nothing of it because it sounded nice, he really has no friends or time to be socializing. After about the second or third time of hearing about this gym friend it seemed it wasn’t as superficial as I first perceived it. This is where the weird feeling started to come up. For context: He works 7-3pm and after a long drive home he goes to the gym and has about 2-3 hours to get ready for the next day and maybe chill a bit. He usually texts or calls after the gym so we can have some time to check in and connect except one day I didn’t hear from him for 2 1/2 hours because he ended up staying to chat with his new friend. I did get a bit worried but I figured maybe he forgot. He called me afterwards and told me what happened and I confessed I was feeling a bit insecure and it brought up my feelings of distrust because of my experience with being cheated on. We both have dealt with this but I guess in his previous relationships they pestered him a lot and he feels annoyed about me even bringing this up (we had our first big argument from another incident where he thought I was accusing him of cheating when I just thought it was weird he was lying about staying out to drink after overtime) He heard me out but said idk what more I can do to get you to trust me so at this point it’s something you have to work on. He seemed annoyed since he wanted to go to bed so we ended the call. I agree to work on those feelings because it’s true it’s not fair to hold him to someone else’s mistakes. He continues to stay after the gym to talk and they start going out to eat. It’s maybe once or twice a week. This woman even made friends with his mom. I tell him that my body has a reaction like I guess a flashback every time he goes out with her and so I need space every time he sees her to calm down back to baseline. He says he understands and not much is said after that. They are now going to parks to have the dinner and have met on weekends a few times. The mature adult in me wants to view this as simply a friendship but I know the wounded part is struggling. He has told me some of what she shared and it seems she’s very lonely. She has a son and is maybe in her mid to late 30s. One of the times he shares that she asked him to stay for the next gym class since she got there late and he decided not to stay after all. Sometimes I see the gyms insta stories because it’s fun to see him be featured. I usually take a screenshot to send him some affirmations. So I’m on his insta at this point just admiring his photos and I decide to go check who he’s following. I’m telling you I feel crazy I have never felt the need to do this but I looked and saw he had added the woman. Her page is private so I can only see the picture and realize she was also in the gym class with him and it seems his story isn’t adding up. I freak out and take the night to sleep it off but bring it up to him the next day. I realize my trust issues are a lot more intense. I decide to move on and go with it being a misunderstanding and I’m overreacting. Fast forward his birthday rolls around and he is coming to vist. I send him a care package and try to set up surprise decorations for his birthday when we gets here. He shares that she took him and his mom to eat some street tacos after the gym since he informed her he would be out of town visiting me. The next day he flies in and she asks him to text her he got over safely. He forgets and the next day she calls. He’s been saying outside of those meetings they don’t really talk so I find it weird. He then shares that another guy from the gym asked if they are having sex. And I thought it odd that if he assures me the boundaries are very clear between them anyone would think that. I keep dismissing these intrusive thoughts because I think I’m being toxic. We had a big argument over something unrelated and he shared that he thinks he’s putting in 80 and me 20. Which I was shocked because he hasn’t said anything and he was so upset he was looking up plane tickets to leave. I couldn’t believe it I started suspecting she called him to ask if he would be back in time to meet up or something and this was his way of getting out of being in this relationship. Literally my family stepped in to help cool us off and we managed to salvage the weekend. He’s still seeing her and he told me she messaged to invite him to the gym and to eat after the gym on a Sunday, Mother’s Day. Her mom passed not that long ago so I want to believe she’s feeling lonely. He initially declined because it’s his rest day but she insisted and invited him to get mimosa jokingly for Mother’s Day.
We’re planning on moving in but I feel hesitant because I’m afraid to pack up my life and later find out he was deceiving me. After him calling things off and us getting back together I’m having an even harder time trusting. I would like more reassurance from him but I think this is my issue and idk how else he could be supportive. What next steps can I take for myself and for the sake of our relationship?
TLDR: my boyfriend has made a gym friend that happens to be a good looking woman. I have a hard time fully leaning into unconditional trust due to childhood trauma and being cheated on. I feel like I’m being toxic and men should be able to have friends that are women and be able to go out to eat once or twice a week after the gym and on weekends. We have pretty great communication when we aren’t triggered and we seem to be doing well in all other aspects of the relationship. We’re even planning on moving in over in the area he lives. What next steps can I take for myself and for the sake of our relationship?

Intro from later in the day: I am fully aware of how much it a negative Nancy I am being but I need to vent so it is what it is. I’ll make myself snap out of it/it’s the evening now and I feel better.
—
I woke up this morning and K had messaged me but before I even opened it to read something snapped and the idea of just how lonely and alone I am hit me like a tonne of bricks. Not even that, it felt like being hit by a tonne of anvils or something. I’m slowly coming out of it now, nothings changed I still feel the same and have the same thoughts but it just felt like fifty elephants were sat on my chest. I’ve been thinking more and more lately about how I don’t want to be around anymore, like yesterday on the drive home from lunch I thought about the logistical side of it all. And then I get sad, not because of the thought itself because idk that doesn’t make me feel that sad at all, but I feel sad because I know I won’t do it. Which is a good thing, I guess. It just doesn’t feel like a good thing, it makes me feel like even more of a hopeless failure. Anyway I just felt so heavy with it all this morning and I know I’m pathetic and weak for being the way I am. At least I didn’t cry this morning.
Last night was… I felt really scared. I messed up, again. I don’t want to go into the details, but in short I didn’t tell him about the play on Tuesday and I proceeded to further mess things up in how I handled it. I need to urgently sort myself out. It feels like I don’t know how to argue, or rather argue like a reasonable adult. I need to learn to not disagree as a knee jerk reaction if they/he states I’m in the wrong. I don’t even understand why I react that way, I’m used to being in the wrong - I am almost always in the wrong, so why do I react in a way that implies I’m not? And implies I’m used to being right? I know it partly comes from a place of me not fully assessing the situation first, I don’t take a minute to consider his perspective - whenever I do I don’t react that way, I don’t think. So I think my issue is the immediate defensive attitude. I wonder if a part of my defensiveness comes from a place of fear, the more I think about it I think it makes sense. Maybe. Maybe fear isn’t the right word, but maybe the knee jerk defensiveness is me avoiding getting in trouble. I don’t want to say in trouble, that sounds ridiculous. But maybe there’s something in my head that says if you agree with him then there’s no coming back and you are 100% in trouble and there’s no way out of it. But if you disagree then you keep your options open. As I wrote that it made perfect sense in my head, so maybe there is an element of that. It’s not that I can’t be wrong with him, I’ve been wrong countless times about all manners of things - but maybe that also plays into it, and we’ve talked about this before, how I feel a certain level of resentment sometimes. And it’s not resentment towards him, I don’t think, I’m 99% sure it’s not, but resentment towards the fact it seems like the assumption is just that I’m wrong and he’s right. Maybe it is resentment towards him. I don’t feel upset with him though? Even when I talk back I don’t feel upset with him or negative about him? But I do sometimes feel like an immediate assumption is made that he’s in the right and I’m in the wrong, and so I guess I feel like I have to push to have my opinion considered. I know he considers my opinions, I know he doesn’t flat out assume I’m wrong, but it can just feel that way sometimes. I wonder if it’s because he can quickly come to a conclusion in his head about things and I can’t? He’s already played it all out in his head and I’m still at step one. So he sees the bigger picture quickly and I’m still working my way towards it, one defensive jab at a time. Because I almost always end up agreeing with him, but I don’t always understand it until we talk it out. And I hate that. I hate hate hate it. I said it last night to him too and I hate it. I know he thinks he’s involved with a stupid moron. I think I also immediately get defensive because I feel guilty at messing up. I think I try to avoid agreeing with him because if I agree then I admit I messed up yet again and maybe this time is the final straw, but if I disagree then maybe he won’t believe 100% that I messed up. I can be impulsive with it, in fact that’s exactly what I am, and it means I don’t listen. I will react and then slowly begin to listen. I should instead listen and then slowly begin to react. I need to be more mindful in the moment, it’s something I struggle with a lot - it’s a big part of my “recovery” through therapy that I still cannot put into action all the time. I get swept up in thoughts and feelings and only when I’m midway through or at the end will I think about how I should be acting and what I’ve learned about how to manage myself in this very situation. So I struggle to immediately recognise a conversation or thought pattern, it’s something I’m already working towards but I need to be better at bettering it. I need to step back if I need to, I need to listen before I react, I need to prioritise his perspective and not assume that if I’m in the wrong it will be unforgivable and he’ll leave - he will leave if I don’t change these things, not because I forgot to tell him something. BE BETTER YOU STUPID COW.
He said last night that he’s miserable. Miserable. Because of me. And he said that he feels like a placeholder of sorts to me. He doesn’t think I respect him. He doesn’t think I genuinely care whether or not I lose him and this. He thinks I want the idea of this and him, not him. Okay now I’m crying. I make him miserable. The fact he thinks he could ever be a placeholder to me is insane, but he can’t see inside my head can he, so the way I treat him makes him feel that way. And he doesn’t think I care about him or us or that I would care if this ended? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? How the hell am I making him feel this way?? I know I’m a horrid nasty girl in so many ways, but I thought he at least knew I loved and wanted him. Whatever I’m doing is wrong. And I need to change it. The idea of him miserable makes me feel sick to my stomach. He said he doesn’t think I respect him, I know I do. But if I know I make him miserable… if I respected him does that mean I would let him go? Am I disrespecting him in not ending this? I don’t know. Am I being selfish? Should I have let him end things last night? It didn’t even feel like an option to me, he said the words and instantly in my mind it was a big huge NO…. but if I feel like I’m showing as much love and respect as I am and he feels the opposite, maybe I’m not right for him? Maybe I’m not right for anyone right now? So am I being disrespectful in begging him to stay?
He’s brought up the whole sunk cost fallacy plenty before, I hadn’t heard of it until him to absolutely no odyssey surprise, but is that what this is? He’s miserable but he’s invested so much into me and us that he can’t leave? I don’t know.
I don’t think we would ever come back from the next time we end things. He’s said as much too. I don’t know what I’d do. I know I wouldn’t be able to have him in my life as a friend in the future, I just don’t believe I could ever see him as strictly platonic, I just feel like there would forever be the thought of what if, and I can’t move on if I have that front and centre in my life can I. The idea of moving on from him… I hate it. HATE it. And I shall try my absolute hardest to ensure it doesn’t have to happen. Except what if he’s better off without me? He’s miserable, and it’s my fault. I could not hate myself for if I tried.
I feel utterly hopeless today. Not as bad as when I woke up this morning but it’s still been there. I haven’t done anything. I’ve stayed in bed all day, I just haven’t had it in me to do anything. I put laundry on but it’s still sat in the washing machine so I’ll have to redo it tomorrow. I haven’t eaten even though I intended to earlier. I feel sick. I don’t know. I don’t feel good. I don’t want to work tomorrow.
He messaged me just before. He’s being a lot more friendly/chatty than his usual good morning messages. Why? Wouldn’t he be less inclined to be? His sleeping pattern has gone wonky again, or it’s getting there anyway. I know he’s telling the truth about it, but his sleeping pattern thing can be seen so suspiciously. He could be on my exact same sleeping pattern, but just tell me otherwise. He could have been awake all day and just said I’m waking up now whenever he wanted to. How would I know? I wouldn’t. He has every opportunity to be with someone else and me not know about it. I don’t think he’s doing that, I get scared he is and sometimes my trust wanes a little but ultimately I know he isn’t doing that. But he COULD. And it wouldn’t even be cheating. He wouldn’t even be in the wrong. He wouldn’t even have to tell me anything at all. I would say that goes both ways but it doesn’t, the opportunity I mean. I don’t want to do anything like that so I don’t care but it’s different. It’s that opportunity, the fact I would never know unless he told me and the fact he is so convinced I am seeing someone else sometimes - it just feels like he’s projecting. That he knows how easy it is that he thinks I could be doing it. I’m not and I never will, I also know he isn’t, but it just makes me uneasy sometimes to remember how much I don’t know.
He said last night that he has to monitor every little thing he thinks and says in order to not upset me. I feel horrible. Why would he ever want this with me? I MAKE HIM MISERABLE. Even chatting to me is clearly an arduous chore with flaming obstacles. Also what does he not say?
He was right, I am lonely. I realised it more than ever this morning. I don’t want him because of that though, I could have the best friend of my dreams and a raging social life and he would still be the one I want. I think I am too reliant on him though. I’m making extra effort with both K friends moving forward. And M. And maybe J at work? She’s moving back here this weekend. I need to find some kind of thing to go to. I don’t know. I don’t want to think about this right now, I’m trying to get out of this mood not sink further into it.
Everything feels completely and utterly wrong. I just can’t put into words how much of a disappointment failure I feel. But also see, progress again - I said “I feel” not “I am” and I’m thinking that way too, it’s such a tiny thing but it’s had a big impact and idk. I just feel like I’ve made such good progress but I also feel like I’m still at square one. It makes me want to give up sometimes. Like now.
I feel so ugly. So so ugly.
This journal is so negative. I just needed to vent today and get it all out. He’s right though, I’m the most negative person alive :(
I really don’t want to work tomorrow. I’m considering a personal day/sick day seeing as I have more or less unlimited paid sick leave but idk, it always makes me feel worse because of the guilt. So idk. I’ll see how I feel in the morning.
Anyway time to shake this all off, have a long hot shower and maybe make a hot chocolate and have a super nice night with my honey. Night

Tl;dr - was given a ticket collection code rather than QR code from Trainline, hadn’t realised until I got off the train and wasn’t allowed to collect my ticket so was given £100 fine, any grounds to appeal?
My partner and I got the train from Cressington to Liverpool Central (again about 5 stop/10 mins). I bought our tickets on Trainline on the walk as I normally do since I know Cressington also doesn’t have people at the station to buy tickets from. All the other times I’ve bought from Trainline I’m given a QR code so I just pay for the ticket and shut my phone off.
However I only realised, once I got off the train at central I hadn’t actually been given a ticket but a ticket collection code (which I was not warned about before buying the ticket). After asking the ticket inspector for help (there’s a collection machine literally the other side of the barriers) I asked could I just collect my ticket and show him it seems as it was literally a ten minute journey and complete mistake on my part. He said I’ve travelled without a ticket and a collection code is not a valid ticket even though I had paid. We were both given £104 spot fines. And so did about 4 other people behind my in the queue who had also made the same mistake with Trainline so clearly it can’t have just been me.
Do I have any grounds to appeal based on the fact it was a genuine mistake and I had paid for my travel and wasn’t trying to deceive or bump the train in anyway? Getting two £104 fines for a ten min journey seems a bit much especially since both tickets were bought in the same purchase.

Hello all,
I'm an upcoming sophomore at a community college where we have no engineering clubs and very little tools (though I'm currently inquiring about my local 4-year university's clubs and how I can be a part of them). I have access to a 3D printer (which I've been using in a project designing an omnidirectional wind turbine) and a wood CNC machine. I have CAD experience from high school and I want to move from engineering design to specifically aerospace engineering projects. I want to work on my CAD and Electronics/Arduino skills while also possibly using ANSYS or other simulation software.
Just as the title says, I'm looking for thoughts on my ideas for an aerospace engineering-related project to do over the summer and/or the school year. Some projects I've thought of are:

• Mini Wind Tunnel
• Ion Thruster
• Jet engine (or other engine)
• RC Plane/Drone
• RC Car
• Model Rocket

Propulsion and aerodynamics seem interesting to me right now and I'd like to do something in the field. I think that making a mini wind tunnel could be pretty cool and not too complicated. I've watched a few videos and it doesn't seem too difficult. I was wondering about the feasibility of these projects (Wind tunnel, Ion/Jet Propulsion, RC drone). Are they doable for a student and are they even worth doing for both the experience as well as putting in my portfolio? I appreciate all feedback, ideas, and help!
PS: I'm also thinking of starting a STEM/Engineering club at my school to work on some projects but I have to decide since I'm going to be juggling schoolwork and probably projects and internships. I'm thinking of if some of these projects would be good to do with the club as well.

It's 3am and I cannot fall back asleep after an adrenaline high of a fatal accident. I was at some kind of sporting event it's night time. A friend from college that lives in another state (haven't talked to in a while walks out with me). I get to my car she walks to hers. Idk what kinda car I am in big black suv I think. I navigate leaving a tight parking lot full of vehicles in the dark. Not a lot of street lights and everything seems wet like after a rain. The streets are reflecting the light from the few of the street lights there are. The turns to get out of the parking lot are kinda confusing. Theirs paint on the road giving directions but hard to see with the light reflecting of the wet surface. Somehow following the paint on the road I end up crossing some 4 lanes of an 8 lane highway. I just roll right thru without looking but luckily there are no cars in sight. I'm in the middle median. Idk which was is what. I dont see any do not enter signs. Idk what direction this next part of the highway goes I'm all turned around. I turn right I think stupid dream me decision. I start to see cars coming my way and I'm like oh shit. So I go to slow down and get back into the middle median when a car hits my head on. I'm airborne and know I'm going to die right as I'm startled awake.
I have a little bit of a long drive tomorrow 2hrs there and 2hrs back. Part of it will be on an interstate. Now I'm wide ass away and kinda trying to figure out if I should cancel.
When I read interpretations of the dream it says I'm about to come face to face with a huge confrontation with someone. Idk I don't have any big issues right now or anyone I could imagine confronting or needing to confront me.
Also please give me some grace if I have terrible Grammer or misspelling. It's 3 something in the morning.

Hey so a couple months ago I went to my dentist and we did an x ray and she mentioned that all 4 are growing horizontally and I’d have to get surgery soon to remove them. I don’t think my school insurance will work at the moment so me and my dad said to leave it for September when I return back to school. But the past couple days I been feeling jaw ache and left jaw pain a bit (very mild) but it is annoying. It sometimes feels weird to my ear. Anyways, could they be hitting my teeth already? When I roll my tongue upwards to the top left of my gum I can feel something slightly pointy like beneath the surface of my gum. Can that be causing this aching? I’m just confused because I feel the ache at the bottom jaw but the pointy part I feel it at the top side…
My dentist also says she does not use anesthesia so I will be awake during the procedure just will be numb used. I’m sooo scared!! I can’t imagine staying awake and having to keep my mouth open for that long. I think she said anesthesia and stuff will be expensive.

Long post, semi-rant.
This is one of those things I frequently encounter and can’t seem to wrap my head around so I’m trying to figure out if it’s just a ‘social deficit’ of my Autism.
Context: I’m 28(F), with PDA Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Agoraphobia, and for at least the past 10 years, I’ve also suffered from increasingly severe Iron Deficiency Anemia which I recently discovered is partly due to 2 genetic blood disorders I inherited; 1 from each parent 🙃🎉 Basically since 2021 till now, I’ve been in a pretty difficult state with my mental and physical health which caused me to become more socially withdrawn.
And then particularly since the start of 2023 I’ve been in the most major and devastating burnout of my life— it’s a super long story that I won’t get into but I pretty much just hit the limit of my capacity to cope with everyday life, I was in a very toxic work environment, had the barest minimum of social battery to the point where a single phone call with my sister could have me completely out of commission and climbing into bed for the rest of the day (I worked from home). This resulted in my isolating to a pretty extreme degree for most people although I’ll say I’ve lived a fairly socially isolated life for other trauma-related reasons so although there was an increase in severity, it wasn’t that drastic compared to how I’ve been since the pandemic.
I had chronic daily fatigue, mental fog, complete lack of motivation, was stuck in a freeze response and unable to emotionally regulate. I broke down several times last year, and I’d think I had hit rock bottom, only to find out it had a basement. It all culminated in a total nervous system shutdown in September, I had to quit my job and I’ve just been gradually working on holding on to my will to live and taking gradual steps to recover.
I’m sorry this part was so long but I think the context is necessary.
Current situation: There’s a guy who I would consider to be an acquaintance. I don’t remember where we first met but it was definitely a social event probably in 2016 or so. This person is friend’s with people in my circle and we’d see each other once in a while at parties back when I had the capacity for socialization but I can count all the conversations we’ve ever had on one hand with fingers left over. I don’t even know his last name, we know nothing about each other.
This is why I’d say we are acquaintances. I know some people would say “if you met in 2016, you’re friends by now” - I disagree because my logical default is quality over quantity for this sort of thing. This is also someone who a couple of years after already being acquainted, I said hello to at a social event and he acted like he had never seen me before 😂
Anyway I think it was in 2021 or so, he sent me a DM on Instagram saying “I’ve been meaning to reach you but I lost my phone and all my contacts. Can you help me out?” I didn’t recall ever giving him my number as I certainly didn’t have his but okay, I said sure. He said he was gonna call me later that day, I told him I wasn’t big on phone calls but he could send a text or just communicate through IG. He argued, I don’t remember if he still tried to call anyway but eventually he sent a really long text message, the gist of which was that he was interested in me. I wasn’t interested in relationships in general, nor was I interested in him and like I said earlier, 2021 was really when my physical & mental health started to decline significantly. I remember making an effort to be very thoughtful and kind in my reply; told him I wasn’t interested and also mentioned needing to focus on my mental wellbeing, in very broad, non-specific terms. He said ok.
We neither spoke nor saw each other since then. Fast forward through all the context I gave to recently, at the end of March 2024. I haven’t been going to anything social and in fact due to my agoraphobia, I hardly go anywhere at all. But a friend invited me to a game night at her apartment. It was a small thing with about 10 people in total and I was trying to make gradual efforts to unfreeze my life so I went.
This person was there, we said hello, made small talk, he asked about work, I mentioned just being on a break at the moment due to burnout but didn’t divulge any details. I made small talk with other people, the evening went fine, I was totally drained for days afterwards as I expected. Haven’t been out to socialize at all since then.
In the month of April, I had a sudden and pretty rapid deterioration with my Anemia to the point of not even being able to stand and do something on my feet for up to 10mins without getting really dizzy and nearly fainting. I’d been dealing with elevated heart rate, fatigue, chills, brain fog etc for years now but it suddenly dialled up to an extreme so I did bloodwork and found out my levels were critically low, the 2 genetic blood disorders were diagnosed as well as the fact that all my years of supplementing had been pointless because I wasn’t absorbing iron from oral sources including food.
So I ended up needing to get an emergency iron infusion. On the day of my infusion, while hooked up to the IV, I get a text from this guy saying he’s organizing a bowling thing with a bunch of people in 2 weeks and he wanted to invite me.
Like I said at this point I had spent weeks in a state where I could barely be on my feet for any amount of time so I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to go to this thing, nor was I interested in going quite frankly. So I thanked him for the invitation but said I had been ill and figured I would still be recovering at that time.
I had also just been texting my brother’s gf and sending her pics of my IV (clear saline at the start of the treatment), so I sent it to him as well. This was impulsive and I probably shouldn’t have but I didn’t want to come across as lying about being sick, however I didn’t disclose any details about my illness because I didn’t think it was any of his business. He did ask, and I just said it was a chronic thing that I’d been dealing with for a long time.
So I basically said yeah I’m ill so I haven’t been in the best shape for socializing and I don’t think I’ll be able to make it, but I’ll let you know if things change and I’m feeling better. He said “Hey, your health is more important to me. Don’t worry about giving me an answer. Just get better, that’s all.” — okay cool, case closed I thought.
About 3 days after, I started having the flu-like side effects I was told I might get with the infusion and they were surprisingly intense; fever, splitting headache, muscle pain, all of which lasted for about 8 days or so. During that time, he sent a “how are you feeling?, just checking in” text which I didn’t open for a day or 2 as I was sick. I replied that I was knocked down with a fever but it was expected so I was powering through. He then tried to make small talk and in the midst of my feverish episode, I just couldn’t deal so I didn’t really carry on the convo and left the message unopened.
Anyway that update was maybe 3-4 days before his bowling thing. The actual day rolled around (this past Friday) and I had already spent like 10hrs that day hunched over my computer while on the phone with my brother helping him work on an application with a looming deadline this weekend, so I even forgot that it was the day of the event until late in the afternoon when it suddenly crossed my mind. I was pretty sure I had already declined, but in light of how shitty I had been feeling lately, it was a bit fuzzy so just to be sure I sent a text saying “Hey! You’re having your bowling thing today, right? Thanks again for inviting me, wouldn’t be able to make it but hope they have fun, blah blah”, and I carried on with what my brother and I were working on even till as late as 1am.
Today Saturday, I get a series of texts from this man - the first notification read “Well it was kind of annoying because…” then I guess he edited the message or something but I just knew this guy was about to piss me off.
He called my response “annoying” because even though he himself isn’t that big on texting/ socializing, he tries “to make an effort for people he cares about but he’ll let this slide” Then reacted to my last message with a thumbs up and sent one saying yes it was fun, I should ask my friend (who hosted that game night) as she was there. Then finally he said “People have a lot to offer and I don’t want to miss out or have regrets because life is too short for me to be wasting time like this”
Now I’ve been working on my emotional regulation and even thought it took me an entire hour and a half to stop seething with rage, I’m actually proud of that bc it’s quicker than usual for me.
But this isn’t really the first time I’ve had NT people confrontationally demand access to me and villainizing me for daring to struggle privately. It baffles me completely. Guess I can wrap my head around a friend or family member who is trying to hold me accountable to a commitment I have made, but WHO THE HELL DOES THIS STRANGE MAN THINK HE IS??
‘Don’t isolate yourself too much’ or whatever I’m generously choosing to assume he was getting at is perfectly valid advice and I’m well aware of that, but what gives HIM the license to say that to me? Or to make assumptions that I view other people as having nothing to offer and to tell me I’ll regret it??
Especially while privy to the fact that I’ve been pretty seriously ill. I’ve struggled with feeling compelled to over share to justify my lack of capacity and then having to sit alone with the discomfort afterwards. I shouldn’t have to divulge all my diagnoses and history to everyone alongside each invitation I decline and I deeply regret even the little I told this individual.
At this point I’m almost willing to burn bridges and get people to just stop inviting me because I will be the villain either way.
I’m sorry this whole thing is so long, I’m exhausted just from typing it but I guess I had to let it all out.
To me, the logic is simple: if you’re trying to get closer to someone but finding them inaccessible, you abandon course and move on with your life. I could never presume to tell someone I barely know how to live their life and demand access to them - it reeks of entitlement.
It’s becoming something of a PDA trigger to me especially while in burnout and it elicits such a negative emotional response in me.
So I’d like to know; is this one of those normal social behaviors or perhaps there’s logic for the entitlement here that I just don’t get?…

My desktop finally died after 15yrs of service and many iterations of parts. Decided time for a full re-build.
Have a strong preference for putting responsibility of the build onto a reputable shop.
Budget is still undecided. Less than 5k as a starting point? Really looking for a builder that offers good value, perhaps through volume discounts.
Primary purpose is for work - high-end requirements for mapping software that involves training machine learning models and 3D video exporting. Not a big gamer, but will definitely be buying GTA 6.
High level requirements:

• CPU - minimum of 10 cores, ideally more. No preference to Intel or AMD
• GPU - NVIDA - minimum 12GB, ideally 16GB. CUDA score > 6
• Storage - 1x 1TB drive, assume SSD
• On board wi-fi/ethernet
• Currently driving an ultrawide, but likely to switch to 2x 4k screens in future (out of scope for this build)
• Have put little thought into PSU, case, cooling, etc.

Happy to hear any recommendatiaons to steer me, but really after some advice on where I should be asking some quotes/advice from to build me an optimal rig?

Modernising support for independent living: the health and disability green paper - PIP consultation
The government announced significant proposed changes to PIP and are now consulting on their proposal.
The consultation will be open for 12 weeks and you are invited to share your views. The findings of the consultation, which closes on Tuesday 23 July, will inform future reforms.
How to respond -
Read the 'Modernising support for independent living: the health and disability' green paper so you understand the proposed changes and then respond online via the form.
If you are unable to use the online form email [consultation.modernisingsupport@DWP.GOV.UK](mailto:consultation.modernisingsupport@DWP.GOV.UK) or respond by post, please mark your correspondence ‘Modernising Support: The Health and Disability Green Paper’ and send to:
Disability and Health Support Directorate Department for Work and Pensions Level 2 Caxton House Tothill Street London SW1H 9NA
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Work and Pensions Select Committee has called on the National Audit Office (NAO) to investigate problems with the carer's allowance system
Committee chair says investigation merited given the scale of the problem, the cost to the taxpayer of a system that fails to prevent or rectify overpayments, and the lack of progress being made to address the issue.
Last month, Carers UK called for the wholescale reform of carers' benefits - following reports of claimants who have earned above the earnings limit while claiming carer's allowance being pursued for large overpayments and, in some cases, prosecuted for fraud - and the government confirmed that the DWP has issued almost 100,000 civil penalties in respect of overpaid carer's allowance over the last four years amounting to almost £5 million.
With the Chair of the Work and Pensions Select Committee Stephen Timms having said in a debate in Westminster Hall on 29 April 2024 that the DWP has 'done nothing' to stop carers building up huge overpayments despite knowing what people are earning, he has now written to Gareth Davies, NAO Comptroller and Auditor General, to say -

'This year we have held two evidence-sessions on carer’s allowance, in part looking at progress made since the NAO’s 2019 investigation report into this matter and our predecessor’s report. That evidence, alongside correspondence last year with the Department and information provided in response to parliamentary questions (see, for example, recent PQ responses, UINs 23249, 23251, 23252 and 23253), has led the Committee to conclude that problems remain with carer’s allowance. We appreciate the NAO has limited resources, but we think a further investigation is merited, given the scale of the problem, the lack of progress made since 2019 and the cost to the taxpayer of a system that fails to prevent or rectify overpayments.'

Mr Timms' letter to Gareth Davies, NAO Comptroller and Auditor General is available from parliament.uk
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DWP has confirmed that it plans to begin notifying employment and support (ESA) claimants of their move to universal credit in September 2024
Department says however that its delivery approach and timelines will be informed by detailed planning and engagement with stakeholders.
With the government having recently announced an acceleration of the 'Move to UC' for income-related ESA claimants, in the latest issue of its LA Welfare Direct newsletter the DWP says that, while its delivery approach and timelines will be informed by detailed planning and engagement with stakeholders -

'... our current planning assumption is that we would begin notifying this group in September 2024, with the aim of notifying everyone to make the move by December 2025.'

Note: the DWP also provided an update on its Move to UC communications campaign that launched in March 2024 -

'The campaign aims to tackle claimant fear and anxiety about moving to universal credit, using the headline ‘Keep things smooth by making the move to Universal Credit’. Advertising also signposts to www.gov.uk/ucmove, which is a new website containing supportive information, real life case studies and advice on how to prepare for the move.'

LA Welfare Direct 5/2024 is available from gov.uk
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Government has confirmed that the Work and Health Programme (WHP) will continue to be delivered until July 2026
Update follows news that the programme is being 'quietly scrapped' to be replaced by elements of the government's new Back to Work Plan.
While the WHP was originally scheduled to stop taking all referrals at the end of October 2022, the DWP extended the deadline for the Disability and Early Access Groups (people who may need support to move into employment and are in one of several priority groups, for example homeless, ex-armed forces, care leavers, and refugees) to autumn 2024.
However, reports in the media last month said that the programme is being 'quietly scrapped' - to be replaced by elements of the government's new Back to Work Plan including Restart - and Maximus, who deliver the WHP in parts of the country on behalf of the DWP, said that as a result of the ending of the programme -

'This is the first time for a long time that ... there is no specialist disability provision in place for people who require it, from November of this year.'

However, responding to a parliamentary written question, Work and Pensions Minister Mims Davies confirmed that, while the DWP plans to deliver a range of other support to put in place an 'offer' to a broader range of disabled people -

'The Work and Health Programme will continue to be delivered until July 2026 [and] further announcements on the programme will be made in due course.'

For more information, see Written question: Work and Health Programme from parliament.uk
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Government announced the 15 areas that will trial its new WorkWell integrated health and work advice service from October 2024
Joint DWP and Department of Health and Social Care programme will connect almost 60,000 people to local support services so they can get the 'tailored help they need to stay in or return to work.'
As part of the government’s plan to get people with health conditions back to work - that also includes proposed changes to personal independence payment entitlement rules, reform of the fit note process, and boosting support programmes such as NHS Talking Therapies - the new £64 million WorkWell pilot will deliver -

'... joined-up work and health support [that] will connect 59,000 people ... to local support services including physiotherapy and counselling so they can get the tailored help they need to stay in or return to work.'

Providing further details, the government confirmed that WorkWell is a voluntary service and that participants do not need to be claiming any government benefits. After self-referring, or being referred through their GP, employer or the community sector, people will receive personalised support from a Work and Health Coach to understand their current health and social barriers to work and draw up a plan to help overcome them. Work and Health Coaches will also -

• provide advice on workplace adjustments, such as flexible working or adaptive technology;
• facilitate conversations with employers on health needs; and
• provide access to local services such as physiotherapy, employment advice and counselling.

In addition, the government confirms that it is also rolling out 'fit note trailblazers' in some of the WorkWell pilot areas to ensure people who request a fit note have a work and health 'conversation' and are signposted to local employment support services so they can remain in work -

'The trailblazers will trial better ways of triaging, signposting, and supporting people looking to receive a fit note and will be used to test a transformed process to help prevent people with long-term health conditions falling out of work, including referral to support through their local WorkWell service.'

The 15 pilot areas - that will each decide the exact support to be made available that’s best suited to the needs of their local area - are -

• Birmingham and Solihull
• Black Country
• Bristol, North Somerset and South Gloucestershire
• Cambridgeshire and Peterborough
• Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly
• Coventry and Warwickshire
• Frimley
• Herefordshire and Worcestershire
• Greater Manchester
• Lancashire and South Cumbria
• Leicester, Leicestershire and Rutland
• North Central London
• North West London
• South Yorkshire
• Surrey Heartlands

With the pilots covering a third of Integrated Care Boards across England, the government advises that the success of the testing phase will inform the possible future rollout of a national WorkWell service.
Announcing the pilot areas in a written statement in Parliament, Work and Pensions Secretary Mel Stride said -

'Good work is good for people’s physical and mental health, wellbeing and resilience. We want to make sure more people can reap these benefits by getting the timely health and employment advice and support they need to remain in work or return quickly... WorkWell will remove existing silos between work and health to improve work outcomes, for the benefit of individuals, communities and the economy... The reforms will be brought together by testing a new fit note process in some WorkWell pilot areas to offer better triage, signposting and support to those who need it. This will mean more people have easy and rapid access to specialised work and health support to help them stay in or get back to work. WorkWell has employment at its heart; integrating work and health services locally to improve health outcomes, reduce health disparities, and help people get timely access to the support they need to return to and remain in work.'

For more information, see New £64 million plan to help people stay in work from gov.uk
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Lords Committee criticises ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous Administrative Earnings Threshold increases in light of new regulations that implement a further increase this month
A House of Lords Committee has criticised the ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous increases in the Administrative Earnings Limit (AET) in September 2022 and January 2023 in light of new regulations that implement a further increase of the threshold from 13 May 2024.
With the DWP having refused to delay or slow down the implementation of a third increase in the AET in universal credit this month - as recommended by the Social Security Advisory Committee (SSAC) to give the Department more time ‘to build the evidence base’ for the changes - the Secondary Legislation Scrutiny Committee of the House of Lords has drawn the new regulations to the 'special attention of the House' on the ground that -

'… the explanatory material laid in support provides insufficient information to gain a clear understanding about the instrument’s policy objective and intended implementation.'

In particular, the Committee highlights that –

'At paragraph 5.24 of the Explanatory Memorandum (EM) to this latest instrument, DWP states that evaluations of the previous increases to the AET are ‘currently ongoing.’ We find the lack of data inexplicable, since [the then Minister of Employment] Mr Opperman’s letter said that 'earnings increases will take around 6-9 months to materialise', and the two preceding instruments took effect in September 2022 and January 2023 respectively. We intend to seek oral evidence from the Minister on this point.'

The Committee also restates the conclusion from its report on the January 2023 AET increase - that without proper evaluation of the impact of previous increases, further legislation is 'premature' - and adds that the SSAC's report on this third increase follows similar lines. For example, the Committee highlights the SSAC's recommendation that the Department needs to present more information about the impact of the changes on vulnerable claimants -

'While DWP states in its response to SSAC that there is guidance to inform work coaches of the available easements and support paths for all customers with complex circumstances, Parliament may wish to have information on how often these mechanisms have been used in the last two years. It would also be useful to have information on how many claimants have successfully increased their earnings and how many have ceased to claim universal credit or moved into sickness benefits.'

The Committee adds that -

'We intend to seek oral evidence from the Minister to provide more information on the wider impacts of this initiative, better to inform the House.'

For more information, see Drawn to the special attention of the House: Universal Credit (Administrative Earnings Threshold) (Amendment) Regulations) 2024 from parliament.uk
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DWP launches a new digital service to allow disabled people to apply for Access to Work grants online
Digitisation of process further modernises the programme and will make it easier to apply for help, says DWP Minister.
The DWP says that it is making the funding for help with workplace adjustments available through the gov.uk website for the first time as part of its wider commitment to improve the lives of disabled people in the workplace. The DWP adds that it anticipates that, as a result, the customer experience will be a lot easier and more efficient, with no difference in the information requested from the department.
Introducing the new service, Minister for Disabled People, Health and Work, Mims Davies, said -

'Access to Work helps thousands of disabled people and those returning to work who are sick by giving them and their employers the resources to help introduce suitable workplace adjustments. Digitisation of Access to Work further modernises the programme to make it easier to apply for grants or claim payments.'

NB - this announcement on 8th May follows the government having recently confirmed that there were almost 30,000 people waiting for a decision on their Access to Work application in March 2024.
For more information, see DWP's Access to Work applications go digital from gov.uk
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DWP is undertaking research to explore options for enabling appointees to complete personal independence allowance (PIP) forms online
Evidence sought from local authorities, charities and support organisations to better understand appointees’ current processes and difficulties.
In the latest issue of its LA Welfare Direct newsletter, the DWP says -

'We are ... looking to conduct some research to better understand appointees’ current processes and difficulties. The intention of this research is to inform future design of the online service. The research will include speaking to appointees from local authorities, charities, support organisations or similar; rather than those acting personally (for example, for a friend or relative). Therefore, if you have acted as an appointee for PIP in this capacity for one or more applicants within the past 12 months, then we would really appreciate talking to you.

To help in collecting evidence, the Department has launched a PIP Appointees user research survey that is open until 31 May 2024.
LA Welfare Direct 5/2024 is available from gov.uk
Note: earlier this year, the DWP advised the Work and Pensions Committee as part of the Committee's inquiry into safeguarding vulnerable claimants, that it is building a digital solution to 'strengthen and improve' its appointee system.
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While Restart Scheme provides tailored support for some participants it is less able to help those with physical or severe mental health conditions, the long-term unemployed and the more highly skilled
Evaluation of the scheme also reports mixed views about the value of mandatory participation, and presents clear evidence that the administrative process of mandation did not work effectively.
Launched in June 2021 with the aim of providing up to 12 months of support to people who are long-term unemployed to help them return to work, the Restart Scheme was established in response to the Covid-19 pandemic, with £2.9 billion of funding announced in November 2020. However, this cost estimate was reduced to around £1.7 billion following the DWP's reassessment of expected demand for the programme to be around 0.7 million people, far lower than original projections.
The new report published on 9th May, The Evaluation of the Restart Scheme, sets out a wide range of evidence from surveys of participants and Restart providers, and case study research with Jobcentre Plus staff, participants, Restart providers, employers, and wider stakeholders.
Findings in relation to the effectiveness of the scheme and recommendations for future delivery of employment support include -
Participant outcomes
The report highlights that participants have achieved positive outcomes both in terms of sustainable employment outcomes and wider outcomes (including well-being, qualifications, proximity to the labour market and job-searching skills), with those with a more consistent work history, women, those with a child aged under 19, those with English as a second language and those with higher qualifications more likely to gain employment.
However, the report also finds that -

• those with health conditions or caring responsibilities (such as caring for someone with a health condition, disability, or an older person) are less likely to achieve an employment outcome;
• while nearly two-thirds (64 per cent) of participants found the Scheme useful, findings from the survey suggest that participants with higher qualifications, those who had worked more since leaving school and the self-employed are less likely to find it useful; and
• while a greater proportion of Restart participants are in work than non-participants, similar proportions of participants and non-participants are claiming universal credit, suggesting that the outcomes achieved from participating in the programme are not always sufficient to move eligible participants off universal credit.

Wider findings
Among the report’s wider findings are that -

• referral volumes are generally lower than expected and participants are presenting with higher needs and more substantial barriers than anticipated;
• providers are concerned about what they see as high levels of ‘unsuitable’ referrals;
• the referral process generally works well after some initial challenges but there is some evidence of a lack of clarity on the part of both Jobcentre Plus and providers, particularly over which participants should be referred to which programme of support;
• participants’ relationship with their Restart Employment Advisor is a key determinant in participant experience, with poorer outcomes reported where they feel their needs are not understood, or that their advisor does not have the skills needed to help them;
• while there is some evidence of tailoring for individual participants - such as to help with childcare needs or for those with transport barriers - the scheme is less able to help those with physical health conditions or more severe mental health conditions, the longer-term unemployed (generally more than two years) and the more highly skilled;
• there is less evidence of providers designing or tailoring their support service in accordance with the local labour market;
• communication between Jobcentre Plus and providers is important in determining participant experience;
• there is mixed evidence on whether mandation is effective for encouraging engagement, with some providers and Jobcentre Plus seeing it as essential, while others are much less sure of its value; and
• there is clear evidence that the administrative process of mandation has not worked effectively, with providers not generally understanding the process, finding it time-consuming, and having to wait a long time for responses from Jobcentre Plus.

Considerations for future delivery
Going forward, the report sets out key lessons to be learnt from the research findings and issues that the DWP should give further consideration to, including -

• whether more targeted referral criteria in future programmes would allow for more effective support;
• how people with health needs are supported within future employment support provision;
• the effective management of the end-to-end mandation process;
• the effectiveness of Customer Service Standards and performance management to ensure future programmes deliver a minimum service standard to all participants;
• how guidance on referral criteria is communicated to Jobcentre Plus and providers;
• how the more highly skilled or those with specialist qualifications can be supported;
• sharing good practice in how to recruit, train, and retain Employment Advisors with providers; and
• how to encourage good communication between Jobcentre Plus and providers, and between providers and employers.

For more information, see The Evaluation of the Restart Scheme from gov.uk
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Scotland - Scottish Parliament consents to UK Parliament legislating for DWP’s new powers to access claimants’ bank account data on its behalf
Social Justice Minister says providing legislative consent ‘allows us to maintain the Agency Agreements for the delivery of social security payments in Scotland and safeguard the important work that Social Security Scotland does’.
The Scottish Parliament has agreed that the UK Parliament can consider the social security bank spying measures within the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill on its behalf.
In preparation for a debate in the Scottish Parliament on a 'legislative consent motion' on the Bill - that provides (or refuses) consent for the UK Parliament to pass legislation on a devolved issue over which the devolved government has legislative authority - the Social Justice and Social Security Committee reported on the Scottish Government's position in relation to powers proposed by the Bill including the power to require information for social security purposes.
Note: Clause 131 and Schedule 11 of the Bill require third parties throughout the UK, such as banks, to provide information on accounts they hold linked to those in receipt of social security benefits.
The Committee confirmed that -

'The Scottish Government is recommending legislative consent to the social security measures … because – the implications are 'theoretical' only and unlikely to be applied to devolved benefits; and if refusing consent led to DWP ending Agency Agreements that would put case transfer at risk.'

In addition, the Committee set out the Scottish Government's reasons for considering the implications for devolved benefits as 'theoretical' -

• full rollout of the information-seeking powers will not occur until Agency Agreements for devolved benefits have ended; and
• the initial focus is on universal credit, with no intention to use the powers for devolved Agency Agreement benefits.

On the legislative consent motion debated in the Scottish Parliament, Cabinet Secretary for Social Justice Shirley-Anne Somerville reiterated the government's position on the social security measures in the Bill, saying -

'... agreement with clause 131 of the bill, regarding the power to provide information for social security purposes, would allow us to maintain the Agency Agreements for the delivery of social security payments in Scotland and safeguard the important work that Social Security Scotland does.'

Following the debate, MSPs agreed to pass the motion without a vote -

'That the Parliament agrees that the relevant provisions in the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill, introduced in the House of Commons on 8 March 2023 and subsequently amended, so far as these matters fall within the legislative competence of the Scottish Parliament should be considered by the UK Parliament.'

The Official Report of the meeting of Parliament: 9 May 2024 is available from parliament.scot
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i always see people citing apex lore's "grabbing moment"--when apex lore finally Got Good, and they truly got invested in it--as The Broken Ghost. and its "losing moment"--when it Got Bad, and people stopped caring--as The Legacy Antigen (or more specifically: an event started by The Legacy Antigen, i.e; love triangle, Crypto age retcon).
i think, broadly speaking, this is true for many people's lore experience, particularly because The Broken Ghost and The Legacy Antigen encompass one pandemic year. for most people, lockdown, when they had nothing to really do, is when they really got into apex lore, and when those restrictions started getting lifted (as far the US goes, anyway) is when they fell out of being so invested because life resumed. people recalling seasons 5-9 as The Good Year of apex just makes sense.
but i think in the long run it's generally a super reductive thing to say. The Broken Ghost was THE first big lore event, but there were multiple moments before--the season 2 trailer and set-up to Crypto fucking up the Games, Wraith and Bloodhound's STFOs, Revenant's introduction. maybe for some people it started even earlier than those story beats--reading about Wraith's amnesia, Mirage's mom, Lifeline's inner conflict.
and The Legacy Antigen absolutely did have extremely controversial choices--Crypto's age retcon infamously killed a decent chunk of the community, and the ensuing love triangle still has people groaning about it like 2 years after it was last focused on. the lack of follow-up to anything the season after was rough, too.
but is that when it actually "got bad", or just when people didn't have the time to put up with it anymore? what about the anticlimactic follow-up to season 5? season 6 being...weird? some absolutely silly plotlines in season 7? the Literally Unfinished comic in season 8? were those really that good too? was The Broken Ghost actually ever that good or did it just kind of grab your attention because you had nothing else going on? and on the contrary, was The Legacy Antigen and the storylines it spawned, actually That Bad or did it just coincide with you returning to school, or work, or your daily life and then you no longer really had the time to invest in the storyline of a battle royale?
to clarify i do absolutely think (in my own subjective opinion) that apex lore has fallen off and become disappointing in the past few years. i'm not here to argue New Apex Lore Is Really Good Actually. im also not trying to argue Sike, Apex Lore Has Always Been Bad.
i just want to hear more nuance from the community on the subject of "when did apex get good?" and "when did apex get bad?" as opposed to the broad "oh this was The One Year people actually cared" statement ive seen echoed in other subs and also occasionally this one.. i feel as though the writers have probably seen this sentiment and thats why theyre trying to do Big Apex Lore Events--and also subsequently why for some people these developments are falling flat.
when did you become personally invested in apex lore? like which moment made you think "wow, i can't wait to see where this goes"? was it a big event, or something smaller? did anything else test this interest of yours until you finally gave up?
when did you stop caring so much? what made you roll your eyes and decide you didn't actually care about the story anymore? did anything afterwards make you consider re-investing? did you ever even have this moment or are you still fully invested?
if you answer The Broken Ghost--why? was it because it was new? actually gripping? suddenly finding yourself with a load of free time? the idea of PVE? or were you interested in an aspect of lore before and TBG made you excited about its potential?
same for losing interest around The Legacy Antigen. was it actually that bad or did you just find some of it kind of silly? were you still interested in future seasons and their storylines but kind of stopped putting so much time into the lore because life was resuming for a lot of people?
im not saying the pandemic is ultimately responsible for peoples' positive opinions on TBG nor the pandemic restrictions lifting are responsible for TLA recieving a mixed reaction, and im sure the grabbing/losing moment for most people will generally be between seasons 5-9 considering they were some of the most Lore Dense seasons.
just that, me personally, i feel as though seasons 5-8 are viewed through these rose-colored glasses--when Apex got good, when it was at its best--because people had the time to sit in season 6 and read about two fucking idiots who are part of a triangle, suffering from The Miscommunication Trope, AND read about a love triangle. pull that shit 6 months later in season 9 when i gotta go back to work? actually im too old for this. The Fall Of Apex Legends.
but idk i just wanted to hear why & when people liked (and then stopped liking) the lore with more interesting answers than "the broken ghost" / "the legacy antigen". (and of course, if you still really like apex lore and never had that moment to begin with)
and obviously you're here, so you must care about apex lore, even if just a tiny bit. but at what point did you sigh and say "well this isnt getting any better"?
personally--apex really got me with wraith's SFTO and the idea of finishing character stories in animated videos like a mini series (coming off an overwatch hyperfixation where character arcs were uhhhh nonexistent). it...tested my patience, to put it lightly, with the age retcon and then seer having zero lore. but the tipping point was season 13, with THE JACKSON REVEAL(tm) and the subsequent forcing of mirage into bangalore's place in wraith's story. still salty.

I sewed my first burrito method pillowcase today and loved how it turned out. The only challenge was the side seam, specifically where I had to sew over the doubled cuff seam - I think it ends up being 7 layers of fabric on each side - 14 layers total. That proved quite a hump for my machine to get over. As far as I can tell, I’ve followed the instructions correctly. Any tips on how to make this part of the sewing easier? Thanks!

Hello everyone! This will be a short-term update, but quite a lot happened in just one day. On mobile, so format can get a little weird
Some people may have seen this in the comments of the original post, but my mom kicked me out of the house. I think it's easier to write what I did after in bullet points so here goes: - I woke up and immediately my aunt was very upset because my mom notified both of us that I'm not welcome anymore in the house. - We drove to my house and my mom tossed me a small bag with not even half of my clothes and the cash that I gave her for the AC unit and told me that I have zero forgiveness for what I did. - Seeing how devastated I was all day, my aunt convinced me at around 4pm to try and contact my previous therapist and book an emergency appointment. After talking to him, I realised that being apart is the best thing for my mental health and with him and Reddit's opinion I realised how toxic my mom can get. I realised that the good times with her were those in which I was obedient and contributed financially, even if I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to be. - I'm currently living with my uncle, and his family, they all tell me I can stay however long I need to, but I'm really gonna look to be a roommate with someone, since it's really crowded here and don't want to be a burden.
With all of this, I realised that the way I had been living with my mother is not normal, the way she is punishing me is not normal and I cannot put her wellbeing before mine anymore. Small context: my father was all kinds of abusive with her and we had to flee; so now with this she is saying I'm doing exactly what my father did to her, and I know deep down that that is not true, that she just wants to fight and hurt me and I'm done giving her the reaction she wants, I'm not a fighter, never been and never will be.
I'm so heartbroken that I had to leave the nest this way, but this is my reality now, I'm a hardworking woman and I know I will be okay. I've told all my family that there's nothing I want more than to mend my relationship with my mother, I'll always love her so much, but I cannot go back to the dinamic we had before and I'll have to love her from a distance. She has a lot of trauma that she's projecting on me that she has to heal, but I cannot be part of that journey.
Now I'm focused on getting the ball rolling to go study my master's in a country accross the world (I've been working on this since the beginning of the year) so I'm hopeful that from now until I have to go there's enough time for us to patch things up, I have no anger left in me towards my mother and truly wish that she finds peace sooner than later because I believe she can be better than this version fuelled by anger.
PS: In regards with the lease, our landlord is a friend of ours and I know that he'll understand the situation, I'll try to convince him to keep renting the house in my mother's name at a price that she can pay, but if he doesn't then she'll have to figure things out alone, this is the very last favor I'll do for her.
I'm sorry if this is all over the place, my uncle and his wife tell me that they have never seen me be so determined, thruth is: I've always been this way, just not with my mother around.
Lastly, thank you to all that commented, it's weird how Reddit can call out these behaviours so fast and I, that lived with them all my life, couldn't. Truly thank you to everyone that gave me some good validation and since relationships and AITA can be a little intense, thank you to Mark for making this amazing, kind and understanding community.
Love and hugs, from a stronger woman.