Purolator to stp cross reference

So I never thought I’d make this post. TW: I do mention a lot of heavy topics here (suicide, SA, addictions).
I don’t know what to do... as a neurodivergent person, I’m hoping maybe someone can explain the psychology to me. I am AuDHD & a full time artist. My husband is also an artist but I’m the breadwinner & pay a vast majority of our bills. We have 2 kids.
So, for starters, me (31F) & my husband (30M) have been married roughly 2.5 years, together now for almost 7 whole years. We’ve been through a lot... I will also say my husband opened up about his depression when we first started dating. I was healing from my own previous traumas & have always been a pretty spiritual person, so I was happy he could trust me with this information & I’d like to think we loved each other through it, & hoped we could love each other out of depression. It has actually showed up in ways that I think were more self-sabotaging & secretive on his end. And co-depending on mine.
We got together in 2018 & then broke up during the pandemic because we were long distance (California-Florida) starting out & I just wanted to get back to my family —plus, we were already having a lot of issues with my boundaries that I set being crossed & him believing he wasn’t doing anything wrong. It gave me my first panic attack honestly, I’d never been gaslit to that degree.
Bare with me while I explain a bit of backstory. So we broke up from April 2020 - August 2020, a significant amount of time. In May of 2020, during lockdown, my sister brought someone to the house who she was getting ready to room with, so they were getting her things. She was heavily addicted to that hard stuff & we did not know this guy. But she was already causing my parents so much grief, I think we were all numb by this point. This could be a can of worms that I won’t bore you with, just know there’s a lot of familial trauma there. Anyway! Everyone had fallen asleep, her as well, on the couch, & it was just me & him. Not wanting to leave a stranger in the living room while my family was asleep, I stayed up with him hoping my sister would get up so they could go. I believe he roofied my drink that I was already sipping on before he came over because I became really drunk, really fast. Long story short, we went to the backyard so he could smoke a cigarette. He tried to kiss me & I declined him. He was 6’3 ish & a heavier set guy. I’m 5’0 & athletic built. He wouldn’t take no for an answer & basically, I had to leave my body because it was exhausting trying to fight. I blacked out & from that moment for the next 4 years (I’m still healing from that), it would cause extreme paranoia, OCD, PTSD, & depression like I’ve never known. It did get better with therapy over the years & focusing on my business & motherhood.
That whole time, in 2020, my husband (then ex) is throwing a smear campaign party against me & I couldn’t care—because everyday, I was just scared for my life. I started talking to someone in the middle of that & didn’t really have the capacity to go deep with the guy because of what happened but he genuinely wanted to hang & he made me laugh, so it didn’t feel wrong either.
My now husband found out we were talking & completely switched up. He went from telling everyone how horrible I was to professing his love for me, saying he never got over me, announcing it online, asking my friends to get in contact with me, & even flew out to try & talk with me / get back with me. It was really bizarre at the time but what overweighed all of that was my biological need to feel safe. So I took him back I guess because we were just together for a year before that & maybe because it was the last time I felt safe? Might I add that he was talking to someone publicly & they had posts together & everything by that point.
We get pregnant & engaged FAST. The girl he was talking to tried to tell me how much he was talking about me & called him a narcissist. I wanted to throw my ring at him & tell him to leave but I hoped we could just start over & put it behind us so I could feel safe again. So things could go back to normal. The honeymoon phase wears off. I can feel the disconnect. Especially after the baby is born. I try my hardest to connect with him on a deeper level & I feel a block. I asked my buddy to host a trippy ceremony for us if you catch my drift. He has a bad trip & confesses that he had cheated on me with someone back when we were dating (you know, back when my gut feeling was trying to assert boundaries & he pushed back). The reality of his confession hit me so hard. He had cheated with this girl in 2 other relationships & she was in a relationship the whole time with HIS FRIEND. I couldn’t believe who I married & asked for a divorce.
He refused to divorce so I asked if I could see other people not to feel trapped. (I know. I’m cringing). Saw someone for 3 weeks & cut it off. I didn’t feel right. 3 months later after this, after trying to work it through, he drives 3 hours away to spend 3 nights with someone he barely knows. The self sabotage is what’s getting to me. It broke me so hard I spent 3-6 hours at the gym every damn night. I’m not even lying to you. I lost about 12 pounds in 3 weeks I was working out so hard & barely eating, I had so much anger. His response was “I thought you wanted this?”
I called him mom to tell her what he was doing & she said she was mad at me for pitching the idea in the first place -_-
I got divorce papers & we signed them & got them notarized & we were going to turn them in but he stopped it & asked if we could work on it for our kids (I have a daughter from a previous engagement, before him when I was young… I’ve only been in 3 relationships).
It’s been about a year since that last event & I have struggled. Only thing keeping me going is my kids & my small business. I love knowing I get to help people & if I can’t help him, at least I can help others ya know? The first 5 months I think I asked him to just go probably every month. I paid for rent that whole year. We moved into a bigger place & the rent doubled & I have been paying for full rent here also. I can fully take care of myself & my kids without child support so I was confident every time I asked him to leave. So, here’s where I have questions about the psychological aspects of his brain. First of all, why did he do any of this?
Secondly, when I’ve asked him to leave; why does he push back so hard & not respect my boundaries?
Recently he’s opened up to me about his depression again (last night actually) & said “it’s just a matter of time now.” which really worried me.
I don’t think he’d hurt me or the kids... But I was trying to call the number to get him checked in somewhere to help him or look up where to go since it was after midnight (research said it would be the ER) & he stopped me & told me to wait until after this holiday weekend of Mother’s Day. I started to text his sister too. I asked him tonight if he felt better today than yesterday & he didn’t answer me. For reference, he is SO in love with our children & I think he’s a great father. He can be a bit controlling with my daughter though, which is another thing I have been vocal about. For instance he play-smacked her leg & she yelled, “stop you know I don’t like that.” To which he said “oh suck it up, toughen up.” I interrupted loudly in front of both of them & said “no, we respect our kids boundaries.” He waved me off & went to the room & shut the door. I checked on my daughter & am adamant about our trust because I didn’t have that growing up. He’s not always like that but he has this split… it’s so confusing for me to navigate.
When we talked about it, I asked him if it was our relationship & he stayed quiet. I asked him “why don’t you just go back & live with your mom & dad & feel that support?” & he said “I love you, I want to stay here with my family.” When he’s home, he’ll throw a fit & say how he needs to be out in the world doing his art form that he loves but when he’s in front of them he tells them that he’s thinking about quitting. Why travel to another country to teach dance, your art form, just to announce that when you threw a FIT about being able to just the other week? I’m trying to navigate being there for him through this split energy.
We both work for ourselves so I do understand we have to take gigs when we can. I’ve managed to create a shop experience so I can stay home with the kids & he only knows how to do what he does. I’ve offered to build his website, build his shop, I pitch ideas to him consistently, even branching outside of our normal art form to potentially open up a local business, I bought him a backdrop, I offered to direct his online classes so he can sell them in packages. He has to do it though! I can’t be the face of his brand. I have offered everything to this man…
I think I’ve been okay with the bare minimum because, in the words of my therapist, “I need to be alone right now & being with him kinda feels like that anyway.”
I know this was long. I don’t have to leave him, I want to help him. And I don’t know how. I told him verbatim last night that I’d rather see him with the girl he spent 3 days with than have to attend his funeral. It brings me to tears to write this. I cried last night & told him that I just want him to be happy.
Help please, is there anyone else that loves someone like this?

Why does in bbn1 the starter lyrics are “wired got crossed when I was about three dad had bloody heavy hand used them on me my momma bless her heart she gave me a start she got killed bad man” then in bbn2 he says “to see my mom and watch her back” (in reference to earth) if she’s dead? It makes so sense to me

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Uncle-Barnacle. She posted in EntitledPeople.
Thanks to u/No-Mechanic-3048 for the rec!
Trigger Warnings: animal abuse; sexual harassment;
Mood Spoiler: Good ending for OOP
Original Post: January 27, 2024
As the title says, last week I kicked what I thought was a good friend out of my house because I can no longer handle her antics. Just wanna write it here just to destress and deal with the grief of losing a friend.
Kendall (25F) and I met in university in 2016, we studied different majors but were from the same department so we share many classes together and bonded over our passion for gaming and memes.
Upon graduation, Kendall moved back to her hometown due to covid and found a job there, we kept in touch online through Instagram.
About 3 years later, Kendall told me she found a better paying job in the city I so she's planning to move out from her parents place. When I asked her about her plans on her accomodations she replied with "That's the thing, I was going to ask if you have an extra bedroom that I could move into"
For context, I have inherited an apartment from my late grandfather which is a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath near the city center last year January and I currently live alone there since it is closer to my workplace and it has all the convenience of public transport.
After some thinking I thought that there's no harm in living with Kendall since I considered us as close friends. We discussed the terms and ofc the rent. A week later Kendall moved into my apartment. It was great at first, my home felt more lively than usual and the thought of going home to a close friend warmed my heart and gave me a sense of security. Things were okay for awhile and then sh*t goes downhill super quick.
Kendall started complaining about many things at home, about her work, her savings and how she feels homesick. At first I was very accommodating, thinking maybe she just needs time to get used to the city life. I offered as much help as I can, even to the point of if she's low on money I don't mind voiding a month's rent if it meant I could help her to achieve financial stability.
I taught her how I save money, how I live off with my then low salary with several commitments like my car, my dog and a student loan. I grew up where my parents expect me to be independent so I told her things I'd do when I'm low on cash, how to get freelance jobs etc but she always seem to have excuses for every suggestion I have. Finding a freelance job is too hard, or how she couldn't let go of her premium junk food, that she isn't willing to cook or meal prep, and I eventually decided to leave it as it is.
And after two months of living together, I realised Kendall started treating me as some kind of competition. She would constantly ask me things like how much money I make a month, how many job hoppings did that take. Anything that she thinks she's better than me, she'll definitely pop that question. She boasts about how she is loyal to her "sh#tty paying company" and how I would never be able to move up the corporate ladder as she called me "an industry frog" 🐸.
She once snooped my savings balance and asked how tf did I have so much saved up with commitments etc (mind you she didn't have a lot of commitments since her parents paid off her student loans and fully paid off a brand new car for her) and maybe I should stop collecting rent from her. I got mad, and told her if she isn't happy living with me maybe she should move out. Queue crocodile tears as she said it was a joke I didn't have to take her seriously she begged for forgiveness and promised to never snoop my personal items and details again. I let it go once, but she kept bringing things up like, "well you have the cash and a credit card" everytime I told her I rather stay home because I no longer have the budget to go out and "have fun". Comments like these became more frequent when I got a new job 6 months ago.
On top of that, she doesn't clean up after herself, tried to flirt with my boyfriend and at times parked in my parking space when our initial agreement was that she has to find her own parking space if she's moving in with her own car because my apartment only has one parking lot per unit.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I caught her kicking my dog in his abdomen when I got home from work. I yelled at her and rushed to check my dog, luckily he was fine but I still rushed him to the vet for safety measures. I got home and she sneered that it was just a dog and as a friend I shouldn't treat her like that. I asked why she'd kicked my dog and she didn't answer me, she shrugged and tried to escape into her room.
At this point it was already about a year since Kendall moved in with me. I lost my cool and told her off, bringing up her problems and how I tried to be nice and accommodating. Then I told her I'm giving her a week to move out and that from then on I rather we keep our relationship casual or we don't ever talk at all. Kendall cried and begged me to not kick her out but soon it turned into her screaming back at me, calling me a bad friend because apparently in her words, I "didn't tell her off on how badly she was behaving" (like wtf?!). There was a lot of back and forth which I don't remember what I said, but I remember eventually calling her an entitled brat. She cried again saying it was uncalled for and stormed off to her room.
The next day I was bombarded with texts from other uni friends, some calling me selfish and others sympathize with me. Apparently, Kendall posted our argument on Facebook and Instagram, painting me to be the bad guy. I was upset at first but I decided that after Kendall moved out we would no longer be friends as well as those who took her side of the story and condemned me.
Last week, Kendall left, and I have changed the locks on my apartment. I curled up in bed and cried myself out, probably from the sadness of losing a friend or maybe I am finally letting out all the frustrations.
I am definitely still griefing about this loss of a friend as I've had many good times with Kendall. For now I wanna focus on myself and hopefully I eventually get over this.
Edit: The whole "teasing" that I have more money than Kendall gotten worse when I told her I was given an offer by an MNC as a Senior Designer, and I disclosed her the offered salary (as we always did, like I know how much she earns too) which was about 50% more than hers. That was dumb on my part, I now understand why my parents told me to never disclose/discuss salaries the moment I started working
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Kendall should eat a whole bag of dicks. You did well looking out for yourself, and your dog.

OOP: Yea but it took me a year to see how my "friend" didn't treat me like one ☹️

Commenter: Per your post, I would think that Kendall is a user rather than an actual friend. You will need time to heal. I recommend that you seek short-term psychological counseling to help - and maybe find out how to more effectively set and enforce personal boundaries.

OOP: Im planning to look into those as well, if I could afford them. But for the time being I'll try to find comfort in spending time with doggo, my bf and drowning in my hobbies :))

Commenter: If I were you, I'd be telling everyone she was hurting your dog - that would probably swing some opinions real quick

OOP: I did but some still called me an AH for kicking a poor girl who has travelled far from her hometown out in a big city 😒 I got off fine but why can't she?

Commenter: Also, time to step back for just a moment. Your so-called friend had No Student Loans and a Brand New Car. She has parents who can help her out. They created this puppy- kicking monster; they can deal with her. You gave her plenty of opps to play nice.
You don't owe her squat!!! Hold your head high! You're a wonderful person

OOP: Yet I don't understand where her money went, her wallets are always empty near the end of the month. She once showed me her savings balance, which was two digits, she was asking if I could lend her money. Luckily I didn't lend her any, but that's probably why she was angry at me for a week lmao

Commenter: This type hates being told no. They often seek revenge. If they put a fraction of that energy into working for what they wanted? They’d be in great shape. May you think of her no more & enjoy your life!

OOP: Exactly what I thought, there were so many other things and ways she could have work around to be stable financially, it's true I probably didn't have to collect rent from her but I was glad I did, even if it wasn't a year's worth. I spent so much for that thorough checkup of my boii after she kicked him :((

Commenter: I would have thrown her out on her ass the second I saw her kick my dog. That is completely unacceptable. She's lucky you gave her a week.

OOP: It ain't easy out in the city where I'm from, but she moved out in a couple of days after asked her to move out, last I heard one of our uni friends who called me an AH allowed her to crash at their place while she finds her own place to rent. I wish them good luck for sure they gonna end up like me

Commenter: Change your accounts so all paper work is clear so she cannot pretend to be you. Social security office visit to be sure no new accounts have been opened in your name is mandatory to cleanse sociopath vibe from your life.

OOP: Oh no worries about that, where I'm from to make most accounts would need my fingerprints and my physical id which neither have been missing, but thanks for the heads up on that! I've never considered from this angle

OOP originally paid the dog tax but has since deleted the picture.
Commenter: Anyone who could harm such a sweet boi would instantly be dead to me. For this alone, you are absolutely in the right!

OOP: I was really worried, but luckily the vet said he's as fit as a fiddle and as sturdy as ever
(to a different comment) From the checkups and with my vet's assurance, it seems like I caught her hurting my dog for the first time. He has never shown any sign of nervousness or anxiety near Kendall up till the day she kicked him, then again I didn't have cameras installed at home so I'm not sure if she has every attempted anything prior to this.
The most important thing is my ol'boy is still healthy and happy, with a tiny bruise which dissipated after a few days

Update Post 1: February 14, 2024 (3 weeks later)
Hello everyone, I'm here with some updates about me and my doggo as well as my now ex-friend, Kendall.
Let's start off with the update about myself. I've been doing well and surprisingly as some of you mentioned previously, I had gotten over the lost of this friendship rather quickly. My boyfriend planned a trip to a pet friendly beachfront hotel and I spent a few days with just my boyfriend and doggo. We played in the sea water and I watched my dog played in the sand. Overall had a great time and we even had grilled fish together while watching the sun set. (Doggo had a deboned fish fillet)
I am also grateful for my friends who stood by my side regarding this issue, they check in on me from time to time and sent me funny content to watch during my free time. Some of them even told me their stories about Kendall and their discontentment with her behavior, which I will list some below.
Friend A: Kendall ridiculed Friend A several times because Friend A earned less than Kendall despite he has worked a year longer than Kendall.
Friend B: Kendall trash talked Friend B's company via instagram just because Kendall flunked her interview with said company with flying colors.
Friend C: Kendall always demands Friend C to be her personal driver during our college days. If Friend C refuses, Kendall will guilt trip her.
Friend D: Ruined Friend D's assignment by 'pranking' him. She actually formatted his laptop when the project was due in two weeks. When confronted, all Kendall said was 'oopsies'.
There are many more but these are the more icky ones I've heard from my friends.
And now with that out of the way, here is today's main course:-- after I kicked Kendall out of my house, one of my uni friends, let's call her Anne, stood by Kendall's version of events and has allowed Kendall to move in with her instead. Anne called me out of the blue this afternoon and her first question to me was: "How on earth did you managed to put up with Kendall for a year? She's driving me crazy!!" Long story short, whatever Kendall did when she's living with me, she now does it to Anne. Snooping Anne's personal items, leaving dirty laundry around...generally being a prick in the butt. Anne told me she's planning to force Kendall out of her house too. I didn't comment much since Anne were among those who called me a cruel person, but now it has came back to bite her.
But wait, that's not all, according to Anne, Kendall lost her job because she tried to ask for a 100% increment and assaulted her supervisor when the increment request was turned down two weeks ago. She was immediately escorted out of the office building by security. And she just texted me 20mins ago saying she needed a favour from me that she wants a job at my workplace.
I replied stating there isn't any vacancy. Tbh even if there is I wouldn't hire her lmaoo.
So yea, I hope this is the last time I will hear from Kendall and I'll only update if somehow , something interesting happened that involves Kendall 🤣
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: "Anne told me she's planning to force Kendall out of her house too." How in the ever loving world did you not reply, "Wouldn't that be cruel though?"

OOP: I went with a sarcastic tone of, "Oh wow really? What happened?" 🤣

Commenter: Bet Kendall applies to the company and uses OP as a reference anyway.

OOP: Regarding this I have no worries about it since hr has to wait for me to filter through candidates for my department before sending out an email invite for job interviews. I'll make sure to shred Kendall's if I see hers

Commenter: What about the other departments??

OOP: She only has skills for my dept, sadly. I'm working in an advertising agency it's either graphic designer or motion designer, Kendall can't for the love of God make good designs. She would only want my department. Even if she tried, I doubt she could get into my company since one of the requirements is to be able to converse in basic japanese and you are tested during the interview plus you would need to show the certification of JLPT.
Thanks for giving this advice guys, but no worries I doubt Kendall would be able to pass the first screening :D

Commenter: I can imagine her turning up on your door step wanting a place to stay do you have a camera doorbell. just in case she will be getting desperate for friends and a place to stay now people are realising how crazy she is.

OOP: I have set up a new doorbell cam, I live in an apartment and there's plenty of cameras in the lift and corridor. Plus, I wouldn't be that afraid of her appearing at my door step since the security would call me to verify if I have visitors. A simple "no" would render her plans useless.

Commenter: Please keep us posted if anything happens with Kendall going forward. This is too funny and she’s too crazy for this to be the end of it.

OOP: Man I can't believe I was crying over the loss of this friendship. Rn I'm laughing at everything she has done or tried to do to people.

Commenter: Shouldn't she have been arrested for the assault? [at work]

OOP: Maybe her employer didn't press charges? Idk

Commenter: How many days she stay with Anne?

OOP: I think it's about or almost a month? She moved in quite quickly with Anne after I told her she had a week to leave.

Update Post 2: May 5, 2024 (3+ months from OG post)
At this point I wonder if I should change the title to "The Kendall Chronicles" 🤣
Hello everyone, it's been about two months since I kicked my now ex friend, Kendall out of my home. For those who has read my story before, just wanna let you guys know doggo and I are well fed and happy.
If you guys remember last time, Anne, one of my friends who sided with Kendall, told me about all the horrible things that has happened while having Kendall as a roommate. Ho boy, Anne had to call the cops to evict Kendall.
I happen to meet Anne at a pet friendly cafe to enjoy a good book yesterday while my doggo gets to enjoy playing at the doggy daycare-ish kinda area. I did wonder if it was intentional on her side since all my friends know I love this cafe in particular. Anne greeted me and asked if she could sit and have a chat with me. We started out with some small talk but the moment she brought up about her evicting Kendall, I just sat there and listened.
I gave Anne a smile and prodded her lightly with a comment I borrowed from the previous comment on reddit, "Oh, so you're gonna really kick her out then? I remember someone last told me it was cruel to kick a friend out of their homes." Anne stuttered for awhile before saying how I should have made a post to counteclarify Kendall's social media claims about me. I simply told her neither have I the energy to do so nor I have the need to. Which in turn, landed us in some brief awkward silence before I asked what she needed from me. Anne told me she wanted someone to vent to about Kendall and didn't know who to turn to.
Anne told me she filed a police report against Kendall; for theft and destruction of property, and ultimately Anne needed the assistance of police officers to evict Kendall from her home. She is also in the midst of filing a restraining order as she mentioned Kendall looked completely psycho at that moment. Unlike me, Anne lives in landed property so I guess she'd be a lot more worried about Kendall coming back to find her.
Kendall apparently stole Anne's debit card and spent a whopping 2k$ in total. Anne only found out about the missing money when she found her debit card missing from her wallet. She checked the bank statements only to find that 2k$ went to clothes, expensive meals and clubbing activities. At this point, one might ask, how did Anne know it was Kendall that spent that money? Well, the answer presented itself when Kendall came home screaming at Anne for terminating her debit card. According to Anne, Kendall was shouting every insult in the book while flailing her arms around with Anne's debit card in hand which Kendall proceeded with slamming the card on the table before storming off into her room.
That was the first time Anne felt afraid of another person much less a friend. Since then, Kendall made Anne's life hell on earth. Kendall would leech off Anne's groceries, judges her choice of snacks, body shames Anne etc. Kendall also attempted to seduce Anne's boyfriend. She once kissed Anne's boyfriend, (let's call him Jason) on the cheek and giggled before running straight for her room during movie night. In another instance she groped Jason's manhood right in front of Anne but later claimed that she was drunk and thought what she touched was a couch pillow. The worst thing that Kendall did was throwing herself onto Jason and saying she has a fever and later guided Jason's hand to feel her breast in which Anne walked in at the same time Jason's hand was under Kendall's shirt. These incidents has since cause a strain between the three and Jason felt awkward to the point where he told Anne he would stop visiting her house unless Kendall moves out. Anne cried for a bit when she reached this part.
Anne then told Kendall to move out, and gave her a week to do so. Kendall then cried and ran out of the house only to come back later in the evening to lock herself in her room. Anne presumed that Kendall is packing her stuff and she decided to ignore Kendall for the time being. The next morning Anne woke up to the sound of some grunts and broken ceramics. She rushed out to her yard to see an unhinged Kendall swinging a rod against everything she could hit, a tree, flower pots, even the grass on the ground. This led Anne to immediately lock her doors and call the police fearing for her own safety. The police arrived and handled the situation swiftly and they took Kendall away. There were still a lot of screaming and shouting. Anne said she's not sure if Kendall is being locked up or has anyone who would've posted bail for her.
While I guess it was kinda nice sipping tea about Kendall but at how Anne described Kendall is behaving, I wonder if she'd actually needed professional help. I can't help but feel sad for her condition despite we have gone no contact for two months.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: And why is this still your problem , Anne made her choice , why you still talk to her, she not a good friend , she is like Kendall, a two face snake.

OOP: I have went no contact since Anne's last call two months ago but I believed she went to my favourite cafe spot to try to bump into me and well I have a hard time turning others down so I decided to serve myself some Kendall tea I guess
After this I would probably not want to hear anything about Kendall, Anne or anybody that decided to take in Kendall

Commenter: What about Anne's bf ? He's not naive to the point of having his hand led under shirt iniit

OOP: Anne only told me about the things Kendall did to Jason, maybe she did mention his reaction but I just don't remember the entire thing she told me (I have bad memory)
The gist of it is that these "interactions" had affected their relationship. She didn't further elaborate I didn't probe.

Commenter: While these stories are interesting to read, I wonder how true they actually are. If her parents were so wealthy and paid for her education and car, then at what point has anyone called them and informed them to her behavior? I’m not buying it

OOP: I never had her parents' contact so it didn't really cross my mind to call her parents. While it is hard to believe, it is true, some of us had long severed ties with Kendall since her incident with me.
Kendall also didn't say much about her parents. For all I know was that she moved out of her parents' place because she wanted a better paying job.

Jesus has already given you the victory. It's over; you now have the ultimate victory.
But you may be saying, "wait, I'm still struggling with sin, so I don't have the victory yet". Well, yet is the key word - in the sense that we're talking about the issue of time.
You see, God doesn't exist within time. You probably already knew this, but we humans are so constrained by the idea of time, that it is very, very difficult to think about the idea of time not existing. Except, God exists in such a place - where time does not exist.
"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy" (Isaiah 57:15).
Eternity exists out of time; because time has a beginning and ending, whereas eternity does not. And since God exists outside of time, he doesn't view our sin within the constraint of time.
So even if you're still stuck within a cycle of sin - and don't see the cycle ever ending - the good news is that it will (if you have genuine faith in Jesus), because Jesus came to end the bondage of sin.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (Jesus, John 8:36).
This means that you're free right now, at this current state, even if you're still struggling with sin right at this very moment. It's because God operates outside of time, and already sees you being free of said sin. That is, if we choose to walk in that freedom (by believing we are already free).
But that's why the Lord Jesus said on the cross, “It is finished!” (John 19:30). Sure, He was talking about the payment for our sins; but also, our freedom from them. So we need to accept that by faith, and walk in our freedom. Why do we need to do this?
Because "...without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6). Notice that the verse doesn't say, "without the stoppage of sin, it is impossible to please God".
Deciding to go and "...sin no more" (John 8:11) is great and what we are asked to do, but even if we ended our sin of lust right now and never did it again, it would still not please The Lord the way that faith pleases Him; after all, as Isaiah 64:6 states: "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags".
It is Jesus who is righteous, not us (we have no righteousness of our own according to the Father). When we will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:23), God will not be referring to us...He'll be referring to Jesus. Our Lord and Savior who gave us the victory on the cross. How humbling is that? In fact, I just heard someone today on YouTube say something along the lines of: "you cannot look at the cross without a sense of humility".
So, going back to our sin - Jesus not only paid for it, He ENDED it. PERIOD. It's over, END OF STORY. Unless, we decide to believe otherwise (that's where the faith part comes in).
Something that God showed me today was to thank Jesus for finishing my sin off for good on the cross; especially the sins that I'm still currently struggling with as of the time I'm writing this post. And the same goes for you; yes, you're still battling sin, but God sees it as over, the victory has been won in Jesus name and thanks to His blood. You might struggle with lust, watching porn, masturbation for years from this point onwards, but the actual struggle with sin is already over; your sin has been conquered. Hence why Romans 8:37 states:
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Notice it says "through Him", not through our own efforts. This gives all the glory and credit to Jesus for the victory over our sin (and the end of the sin cycle that we are dealing with), and no glory or credit to us. That may anger some religious spirits who may be reading this, so I pray and rebuke those in Jesus name. After all, Jesus Himself says in John 15:5:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
So, from now on, this very moment, we can choose to thank Jesus in advance for ending our sin cycle and giving us the victory - even if we still struggle with committing this sin for months and years after today. Since we're within the constraints of time, we see our sin cycle as an ongoing thing, but God already sees the sin as conquered, thanks to Jesus.
I can't say this for sure, as I can't speak for Him, but I think God wants us to view our sin as completely over with and dead; that's why Romans 6:2 asks, "How can we who died to sin still live in it?"
Sin is dead; it's dead in God's eyes, through Christ - unless we walk away from the faith completely (apostasy), we still stand in Jesus, and so our sin is gone. COMPLETELY ERASED. That's why Psalm 103:12 states: "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." He sees them NO MORE. That should be very comforting to all of us who feel like we keep failing God over and over and over again, and feel like we'll forever be stuck in our cycle of sin; the good news is that we won't, unless we choose to believe that we are stuck in it forever.
We are free, and someday we will be walking COMPLETELY in that freedom, in real time (again, this comes by faith, we can - and should - choose to believe we are free right now). I know that's challenging to realize when you're stuck in a sin cycle, as we don't know ourselves when the day will be that the cycle of sin will finally end, but God does. And it will definitely end, as long as we abide in Christ.
So if we can humble ourselves and see that we have the victory through Christ (and not through our own efforts), then we can walk in faith in the freedom that Jesus died to so graciously gave us. That is why Romans 6:4 states that, "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
So, I invite you to thank Jesus with me every day for freeing us from sin, and yes, that even means the sin that we're current struggling with right now in our lives...because someday, we won't be struggling with it anymore. We are totally free, as: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). Let's walk together, brothers and sisters in Christ, in that freedom, and let's experience the shackles of our bondage break in Jesus name.
Note: of course this does not mean to willfully sin since Christ paid our debt and now we are free; this is referring to people who are struggling with sin and wish to stop. I imagine, however, that everyone on this sub is struggling and is not willfully and gleefully sinning. We still need to confess our sins, and repent; God just showed me today that we should be thanking Jesus in advance for freeing us from our sin - all glory goes to God for this revelation.

Jesus has already given you the victory. It's over; you now have the ultimate victory.
But you may be saying, "wait, I'm still struggling with sin, so I don't have the victory yet". Well, yet is the key word - in the sense that we're talking about the issue of time.
You see, God doesn't exist within time. You probably already knew this, but we humans are so constrained by the idea of time, that it is very, very difficult to think about the idea of time not existing. Except, God exists in such a place - where time does not exist.
"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy" (Isaiah 57:15).
Eternity exists out of time; because time has a beginning and ending, whereas eternity does not. And since God exists outside of time, he doesn't view our sin within the constraint of time.
So even if you're still stuck within a cycle of sin - and don't see the cycle ever ending - the good news is that it will (if you have genuine faith in Jesus), because Jesus came to end the bondage of sin.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" (Jesus, John 8:36).
This means that you're free right now, at this current state, even if you're still struggling with sin right at this very moment. It's because God operates outside of time, and already sees you being free of said sin. That is, if we choose to walk in that freedom (by believing we are already free).
But that's why the Lord Jesus said on the cross, “It is finished!” (John 19:30). Sure, He was talking about the payment for our sins; but also, our freedom from them. So we need to accept that by faith, and walk in our freedom. Why do we need to do this?
Because "...without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6). Notice that the verse doesn't say, "without the stoppage of sin, it is impossible to please God".
Deciding to go and "...sin no more" (John 8:11) is great and what we are asked to do, but even if we ended our sin of lust right now and never did it again, it would still not please The Lord the way that faith pleases Him; after all, as Isaiah 64:6 states: "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags".
It is Jesus who is righteous, not us (we have no righteousness of our own according to the Father). When we will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:23), God will not be referring to us...He'll be referring to Jesus. Our Lord and Savior who gave us the victory on the cross. How humbling is that? In fact, I just heard someone today on YouTube say something along the lines of: "you cannot look at the cross without a sense of humility".
So, going back to our sin - Jesus not only paid for it, He ENDED it. PERIOD. It's over, END OF STORY. Unless, we decide to believe otherwise (that's where the faith part comes in).
Something that God showed me today was to thank Jesus for finishing my sin off for good on the cross; especially the sins that I'm still currently struggling with as of the time I'm writing this post. And the same goes for you; yes, you're still battling sin, but God sees it as over, the victory has been won in Jesus name and thanks to His blood. You might struggle with lust, watching porn, masturbation for years from this point onwards, but the actual struggle with sin is already over; your sin has been conquered. Hence why Romans 8:37 states:
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Notice it says "through Him", not through our own efforts. This gives all the glory and credit to Jesus for the victory over our sin (and the end of the sin cycle that we are dealing with), and no glory or credit to us. That may anger some religious spirits who may be reading this, so I pray and rebuke those in Jesus name. After all, Jesus Himself says in John 15:5:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
So, from now on, this very moment, we can choose to thank Jesus in advance for ending our sin cycle and giving us the victory - even if we still struggle with committing this sin for months and years after today. Since we're within the constraints of time, we see our sin cycle as an ongoing thing, but God already sees the sin as conquered, thanks to Jesus.
I can't say this for sure, as I can't speak for Him, but I think God wants us to view our sin as completely over with and dead; that's why Romans 6:2 asks, "How can we who died to sin still live in it?"
Sin is dead; it's dead in God's eyes, through Christ - unless we walk away from the faith completely (apostasy), we still stand in Jesus, and so our sin is gone. COMPLETELY ERASED. That's why Psalm 103:12 states: "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." He sees them NO MORE. That should be very comforting to all of us who feel like we keep failing God over and over and over again, and feel like we'll forever be stuck in our cycle of sin; the good news is that we won't, unless we choose to believe that we are stuck in it forever.
We are free, and someday we will be walking COMPLETELY in that freedom, in real time (again, this comes by faith, we can - and should - choose to believe we are free right now). I know that's challenging to realize when you're stuck in a sin cycle, as we don't know ourselves when the day will be that the cycle of sin will finally end, but God does. And it will definitely end, as long as we abide in Christ.
So if we can humble ourselves and see that we have the victory through Christ (and not through our own efforts), then we can walk in faith in the freedom that Jesus died to so graciously gave us. That is why Romans 6:4 states that, "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
So, I invite you to thank Jesus with me every day for freeing us from sin, and yes, that even means the sin that we're current struggling with right now in our lives...because someday, we won't be struggling with it anymore. We are totally free, as: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). Let's walk together, brothers and sisters in Christ, in that freedom, and let's experience the shackles of our bondage break in Jesus name.
Note: of course this does not mean to willfully sin since Christ paid our debt and now we are free; this is referring to people who are struggling with sin and wish to stop. I imagine, however, that everyone on this sub is struggling and is not willfully and gleefully sinning. We still need to confess our sins, and repent; God just showed me today that we should be thanking Jesus in advance for freeing us from our sin - all glory goes to God for this revelation.

Cross posting cuz I need the support.
I’m honestly at my wits end. My 12 week old took a bottle great until 3 weeks ago. She had started using them with formula I n the hospital due to a bad latch/tongue & lip ties. We got those resolved 5 days later and were able to be EBF by the end of week 2. We (my husband and I) would still give her a bottle of breast milk 1-2x a day just to keep in the habit for when I go back to work.
We had been initially using the evenflo balance narrow neck. And for reference, I have large breasts and fairly short nipples. In the last 3 weeks I have tried: Lansinoh natural, spectra, boon nursh, nuk, comotomo, Phillips avent & nanobebe.
She gags on the lansinoh, spectra, nuk and now the evenflo. She likes the shape of the Phillips avent but can’t seem to figure out how to get milk out of them. I’ve tried all sizes up to 4. She can only consistently get milk out of the 4 but then pukes so much afterwards even when I’m pace feeding. I tried the nanobebe today and I think she’ll take that ok. But the bottle is so short that I have to tip her back to feed her and she has reflux and is just making it worse. She puked after that one as well.
I don’t know what to do at this point. I need her to be able to take a bottle. And now I feel like she’s balking because she knows she’s going to get sick after. But she won’t even entertain the other shapes. Any help/advice would be so greatly appreciated.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
The Gospel
John 17:6–19
6I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
8For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection:
Today’s text, is a very poignant prayer made by Jesus shortly before his arrest and persecution, culminating with his death on the cross. I suggest that this is a poignant prayer, one that arouses deep emotion, because of the implications of verse nine.
“I pray for them: I pray not for the world , but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” (v. 9) This is a very interesting passage, Jesus is openly saying that he IS NOT praying for the entirety of humanity, but only for those God, his Father, has given him. At face value, it seems to contradict his words to Nicodemus in John 3:16; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” However the answer to this presumably paradoxical position is found in the words of John 3:16, “whosoever believeth.” He is not praying for those openly hostile to his teachings and those of his Father’s, but rather he is praying for those who have accepted the calling from God to believe in him.
Just as God chose the Israelites out of all the people of the world as his own, he now chooses all humanity, he so loved the world, he so loved humanity that he gave his only Son so that those who make the decision to believe in him and his teachings, those who make an effort to live in the light of his teachings, will be saved and not perish, but have eternal life.
Some have suggested that those hostile to Jesus’ teachings, those who openly choose to deny him, are guilty of the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to blaspheme against the Spirit. But to openly deny the existence of God or the life and resurrection of Christ, is this not also akin to blaspheming against the Spirit?
Therefore we can at least surmise that, Jesus is not praying for those openly hostile to him, God his Father, or even his disciples and devout Christians; but rather those who are receptive, who hear the word of God and cling to it.
“What strikes one… most in our Lord’s prayer is not even (Jesus’) moving loyalty to his friends, …but rather his unmistakable pride in them” (Gossip, 746).
It seems astonishing that Jesus would claim to be glorified in these disciples. They are a small and ordinary group of people who exhibit no unusual intelligence or talent. They seem unable to learn from the numerous clues that Jesus gives them concerning his future. No matter what Jesus says, they just don’t get it. How can Jesus claim to have been glorified in them?
Keep in mind that this Gospel was written quite late, probably after most of Jesus’ original disciples had died. The author has seen that, somehow, through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit, Jesus has indeed been glorified by these disciples. The church is growing and spreading. However imperfect these disciples might have been, they have succeeded in glorifying the Lord. In fact, when Jesus says that he has been glorified in them, he uses the perfect tense, suggesting an already completed glorification, showing full confidence that they have glorified him and will glorify him.
At the time when he made this prayer, Jesus has been the disciples’ protector, and gives his Father an account of his stewardship (v. 12). Now he is preparing to depart, so he asks the Father to assume the role of protector to these disciples who are in the kosmos (world) but not of the kosmos—those who belong to the Father but, but will continue to dwell in a hostile world.
In modern times, various ecumenical movements have worked to bring denominations together organizationally, their efforts reflecting concerns both for this petition of Jesus and for the church’s witness. The unity for which Jesus is praying, however, is deeper—a unity of heart and purpose. Denominational unity is only a first step. We must be equally concerned about disunity within denominations—within congregations—among individual Christians.
This is a prayer that, in many respects, has not been answered. The church has fragmented into many denominations and factions. Christians have spent too much time fighting one another.
And yet, in some respects, Jesus prayer has been answered. Christians work together across denominational lines in many ways—from sponsoring community worship services to financing relief efforts. There have been a number of efforts to bring together denominations, either in formal mergers or through shared initiatives and mutual recognition of clergy. It is not enough, but it is a beginning.
“And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” (v. 13) Some might believe that Jesus is implying here, that by following his teachings his followers will feel his pride in them, so to speak, but they would be wrong. Here Jesus is referring to that joy one feels from being creative and productive in service God and others. The joy of being in a correct relationship with God, the joy of knowing your feet are planted on a firm foundation—the rock Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:24—the joy of knowing and serving truth; these are the joys he is speaking of in this prayer.
Jesus has given the disciples God’s word—God’s logos—and that word has made them different. These logos-people do not belong to the kosmos-world—the world that is opposed to God. Their new identity, their separateness, draws the world’s ire.
The kosmos-world is suspicious—afraid of those who have rejected its ways. Kosmos-people feel insecure except in the company of other kosmos-people—those who accept their values and seek the same pleasures. We see that with drug-addicts, who cannot abide the addict who has quit using drugs. We see it in the criminal world that cannot abide the person who has “gone straight.” Kosmos-people know that the person who no longer belongs to them is especially dangerous, because that person knows their secrets but no longer shares their loyalties.
We see something similar in the shadowy world of enterprises (legal or illegal) that profit from people’s weaknesses—manufacturers of cigarettes or alcohol, people who run casinos and bars, pimps, sellers of pornography and the like. Kosmos-people move among a small circle of colleagues and see the rest of the world as their enemy. They hate anyone who opposes them, whether overtly or by wholesome example, and respond viciously to any perceived threat to their kosmos-enterprise.
We see it in the movies, where Christians are seldom portrayed in a favorable light—and in the news media, which seldom reports anything good about the church but delights in clergy-gone-awry stories.
Jesus has not overstated the case at all when he says that the kosmos “hated” the disciples “because they are not of the kosmos.” That hatred is fueled by guilt, fear of exposure, and fierce resistance to change.
The mission Jesus assigned to the disciples, has not changed but this torch is passed on from one generation to another, even to us. It is a mission to carry on Christ’s work in the kosmos-world. As Christians—the followers of Christ—we are to work in a world to which we no longer belong and in which we no longer feel wholly comfortable. The old gospel song comes to mind: “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.” The poetry might be less than wonderful, but the sentiment is correct.
Jesus does pray that God will “keep them from the evil” (v. 15). Jesus prays not that the Father will give the disciples of that day or us for that mater, pain-free lives, but that he will protect us from succumbing to the evil one.
“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (v. 16-17). The disciples are flawed people—just as we are— people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future. Nevertheless, as disciples, we have become different, because Jesus has given us the Father’s word.
This passage is a good one to keep in mind when you read or hear the incessant rants of those modern day counterparts of those who were hostile to Jesus, in his time on Earth. Like the disciples of two millennia ago we, modern day disciples, are flawed people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future, but we have been given the Word, the Logos, of God and we are making an effort to—as he told the woman in John 8:11—“go and sin no more.”
Modern day Pharisees, those choosing to live and believe in their own self-righteousness, who like the Pharisees of old twist the scripture to justify their own ends by conflating Jesus’ teachings of brotherly love and compassion with not just tolerance of sin, but acceptance of abominable sins, twist scriptures so as to guilt the unwary Christian—tearing down his defenses—in an attempt to get these unwary Christians to succumb to the snares of the evil one. These modern day Pharisees try to convince you that you are not to help a sinner out of the proverbial gutter, but to wallow in the gutter with him.
“Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” Jesus said whoever commits a sin is the servant of sin. When we learn the truth, the Word of God and what it means, we choose to be a holy people and choose to sin no more, we are sanctified in the Holy Word of God. Remember Jesus said in John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You will no longer be a slave to sin.
Jesus is not of this world, but emptied himself so that he might take on human form and live in the kosmos-world on a mission of mercy and salvation (Philippians 2:5-11). At the time of this prayer, he was preparing the disciples to continue this incarnational ministry in a world that will often require them to take up their crosses to follow Jesus.
Likewise, in a world that was already hostile to Jesus—but growing exponentially more hostile to Christians each day—we are often found having to “pick up our own cross” to follow Jesus.
“And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.” Jesus is saying he is making himself Holy, sanctifying himself for service to God so that we may be made Holy by the grace of God—set apart for a Godly purpose—”sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ”
As Jesus’ prayer works with the dynamic of ‘the world’, this passage certainly reflects the heightened tension of his farewell to his disciples. Its main elements, which constitute Jesus’ pleas on behalf of his disciples, include what it will take for them to continue functioning as disciples after he leaves them, the same elements that are necessary for us to function as Disciples even today.
Benediction:
Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, as you and he are one: Grant that your Church, being bound together in love and obedience to you, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom you have sent, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
The Gospel
John 17:6–19
6I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
8For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection:
Today’s text, is a very poignant prayer made by Jesus shortly before his arrest and persecution, culminating with his death on the cross. I suggest that this is a poignant prayer, one that arouses deep emotion, because of the implications of verse nine.
“I pray for them: I pray not for the world , but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” (v. 9) This is a very interesting passage, Jesus is openly saying that he IS NOT praying for the entirety of humanity, but only for those God, his Father, has given him. At face value, it seems to contradict his words to Nicodemus in John 3:16; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” However the answer to this presumably paradoxical position is found in the words of John 3:16, “whosoever believeth.” He is not praying for those openly hostile to his teachings and those of his Father’s, but rather he is praying for those who have accepted the calling from God to believe in him.
Just as God chose the Israelites out of all the people of the world as his own, he now chooses all humanity, he so loved the world, he so loved humanity that he gave his only Son so that those who make the decision to believe in him and his teachings, those who make an effort to live in the light of his teachings, will be saved and not perish, but have eternal life.
Some have suggested that those hostile to Jesus’ teachings, those who openly choose to deny him, are guilty of the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to blaspheme against the Spirit. But to openly deny the existence of God or the life and resurrection of Christ, is this not also akin to blaspheming against the Spirit?
Therefore we can at least surmise that, Jesus is not praying for those openly hostile to him, God his Father, or even his disciples and devout Christians; but rather those who are receptive, who hear the word of God and cling to it.
“What strikes one… most in our Lord’s prayer is not even (Jesus’) moving loyalty to his friends, …but rather his unmistakable pride in them” (Gossip, 746).
It seems astonishing that Jesus would claim to be glorified in these disciples. They are a small and ordinary group of people who exhibit no unusual intelligence or talent. They seem unable to learn from the numerous clues that Jesus gives them concerning his future. No matter what Jesus says, they just don’t get it. How can Jesus claim to have been glorified in them?
Keep in mind that this Gospel was written quite late, probably after most of Jesus’ original disciples had died. The author has seen that, somehow, through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit, Jesus has indeed been glorified by these disciples. The church is growing and spreading. However imperfect these disciples might have been, they have succeeded in glorifying the Lord. In fact, when Jesus says that he has been glorified in them, he uses the perfect tense, suggesting an already completed glorification, showing full confidence that they have glorified him and will glorify him.
At the time when he made this prayer, Jesus has been the disciples’ protector, and gives his Father an account of his stewardship (v. 12). Now he is preparing to depart, so he asks the Father to assume the role of protector to these disciples who are in the kosmos (world) but not of the kosmos—those who belong to the Father but, but will continue to dwell in a hostile world.
In modern times, various ecumenical movements have worked to bring denominations together organizationally, their efforts reflecting concerns both for this petition of Jesus and for the church’s witness. The unity for which Jesus is praying, however, is deeper—a unity of heart and purpose. Denominational unity is only a first step. We must be equally concerned about disunity within denominations—within congregations—among individual Christians.
This is a prayer that, in many respects, has not been answered. The church has fragmented into many denominations and factions. Christians have spent too much time fighting one another.
And yet, in some respects, Jesus prayer has been answered. Christians work together across denominational lines in many ways—from sponsoring community worship services to financing relief efforts. There have been a number of efforts to bring together denominations, either in formal mergers or through shared initiatives and mutual recognition of clergy. It is not enough, but it is a beginning.
“And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” (v. 13) Some might believe that Jesus is implying here, that by following his teachings his followers will feel his pride in them, so to speak, but they would be wrong. Here Jesus is referring to that joy one feels from being creative and productive in service God and others. The joy of being in a correct relationship with God, the joy of knowing your feet are planted on a firm foundation—the rock Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:24—the joy of knowing and serving truth; these are the joys he is speaking of in this prayer.
Jesus has given the disciples God’s word—God’s logos—and that word has made them different. These logos-people do not belong to the kosmos-world—the world that is opposed to God. Their new identity, their separateness, draws the world’s ire.
The kosmos-world is suspicious—afraid of those who have rejected its ways. Kosmos-people feel insecure except in the company of other kosmos-people—those who accept their values and seek the same pleasures. We see that with drug-addicts, who cannot abide the addict who has quit using drugs. We see it in the criminal world that cannot abide the person who has “gone straight.” Kosmos-people know that the person who no longer belongs to them is especially dangerous, because that person knows their secrets but no longer shares their loyalties.
We see something similar in the shadowy world of enterprises (legal or illegal) that profit from people’s weaknesses—manufacturers of cigarettes or alcohol, people who run casinos and bars, pimps, sellers of pornography and the like. Kosmos-people move among a small circle of colleagues and see the rest of the world as their enemy. They hate anyone who opposes them, whether overtly or by wholesome example, and respond viciously to any perceived threat to their kosmos-enterprise.
We see it in the movies, where Christians are seldom portrayed in a favorable light—and in the news media, which seldom reports anything good about the church but delights in clergy-gone-awry stories.
Jesus has not overstated the case at all when he says that the kosmos “hated” the disciples “because they are not of the kosmos.” That hatred is fueled by guilt, fear of exposure, and fierce resistance to change.
The mission Jesus assigned to the disciples, has not changed but this torch is passed on from one generation to another, even to us. It is a mission to carry on Christ’s work in the kosmos-world. As Christians—the followers of Christ—we are to work in a world to which we no longer belong and in which we no longer feel wholly comfortable. The old gospel song comes to mind: “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.” The poetry might be less than wonderful, but the sentiment is correct.
Jesus does pray that God will “keep them from the evil” (v. 15). Jesus prays not that the Father will give the disciples of that day or us for that mater, pain-free lives, but that he will protect us from succumbing to the evil one.
“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (v. 16-17). The disciples are flawed people—just as we are— people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future. Nevertheless, as disciples, we have become different, because Jesus has given us the Father’s word.
This passage is a good one to keep in mind when you read or hear the incessant rants of those modern day counterparts of those who were hostile to Jesus, in his time on Earth. Like the disciples of two millennia ago we, modern day disciples, are flawed people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future, but we have been given the Word, the Logos, of God and we are making an effort to—as he told the woman in John 8:11—“go and sin no more.”
Modern day Pharisees, those choosing to live and believe in their own self-righteousness, who like the Pharisees of old twist the scripture to justify their own ends by conflating Jesus’ teachings of brotherly love and compassion with not just tolerance of sin, but acceptance of abominable sins, twist scriptures so as to guilt the unwary Christian—tearing down his defenses—in an attempt to get these unwary Christians to succumb to the snares of the evil one. These modern day Pharisees try to convince you that you are not to help a sinner out of the proverbial gutter, but to wallow in the gutter with him.
“Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” Jesus said whoever commits a sin is the servant of sin. When we learn the truth, the Word of God and what it means, we choose to be a holy people and choose to sin no more, we are sanctified in the Holy Word of God. Remember Jesus said in John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You will no longer be a slave to sin.
Jesus is not of this world, but emptied himself so that he might take on human form and live in the kosmos-world on a mission of mercy and salvation (Philippians 2:5-11). At the time of this prayer, he was preparing the disciples to continue this incarnational ministry in a world that will often require them to take up their crosses to follow Jesus.
Likewise, in a world that was already hostile to Jesus—but growing exponentially more hostile to Christians each day—we are often found having to “pick up our own cross” to follow Jesus.
“And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.” Jesus is saying he is making himself Holy, sanctifying himself for service to God so that we may be made Holy by the grace of God—set apart for a Godly purpose—”sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ”
As Jesus’ prayer works with the dynamic of ‘the world’, this passage certainly reflects the heightened tension of his farewell to his disciples. Its main elements, which constitute Jesus’ pleas on behalf of his disciples, include what it will take for them to continue functioning as disciples after he leaves them, the same elements that are necessary for us to function as Disciples even today.
Benediction:
Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, as you and he are one: Grant that your Church, being bound together in love and obedience to you, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom you have sent, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
The Gospel
John 17:6–19
6I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
8For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection:
Today’s text, is a very poignant prayer made by Jesus shortly before his arrest and persecution, culminating with his death on the cross. I suggest that this is a poignant prayer, one that arouses deep emotion, because of the implications of verse nine.
“I pray for them: I pray not for the world , but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” (v. 9) This is a very interesting passage, Jesus is openly saying that he IS NOT praying for the entirety of humanity, but only for those God, his Father, has given him. At face value, it seems to contradict his words to Nicodemus in John 3:16; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” However the answer to this presumably paradoxical position is found in the words of John 3:16, “whosoever believeth.” He is not praying for those openly hostile to his teachings and those of his Father’s, but rather he is praying for those who have accepted the calling from God to believe in him.
Just as God chose the Israelites out of all the people of the world as his own, he now chooses all humanity, he so loved the world, he so loved humanity that he gave his only Son so that those who make the decision to believe in him and his teachings, those who make an effort to live in the light of his teachings, will be saved and not perish, but have eternal life.
Some have suggested that those hostile to Jesus’ teachings, those who openly choose to deny him, are guilty of the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to blaspheme against the Spirit. But to openly deny the existence of God or the life and resurrection of Christ, is this not also akin to blaspheming against the Spirit?
Therefore we can at least surmise that, Jesus is not praying for those openly hostile to him, God his Father, or even his disciples and devout Christians; but rather those who are receptive, who hear the word of God and cling to it.
“What strikes one… most in our Lord’s prayer is not even (Jesus’) moving loyalty to his friends, …but rather his unmistakable pride in them” (Gossip, 746).
It seems astonishing that Jesus would claim to be glorified in these disciples. They are a small and ordinary group of people who exhibit no unusual intelligence or talent. They seem unable to learn from the numerous clues that Jesus gives them concerning his future. No matter what Jesus says, they just don’t get it. How can Jesus claim to have been glorified in them?
Keep in mind that this Gospel was written quite late, probably after most of Jesus’ original disciples had died. The author has seen that, somehow, through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit, Jesus has indeed been glorified by these disciples. The church is growing and spreading. However imperfect these disciples might have been, they have succeeded in glorifying the Lord. In fact, when Jesus says that he has been glorified in them, he uses the perfect tense, suggesting an already completed glorification, showing full confidence that they have glorified him and will glorify him.
At the time when he made this prayer, Jesus has been the disciples’ protector, and gives his Father an account of his stewardship (v. 12). Now he is preparing to depart, so he asks the Father to assume the role of protector to these disciples who are in the kosmos (world) but not of the kosmos—those who belong to the Father but, but will continue to dwell in a hostile world.
In modern times, various ecumenical movements have worked to bring denominations together organizationally, their efforts reflecting concerns both for this petition of Jesus and for the church’s witness. The unity for which Jesus is praying, however, is deeper—a unity of heart and purpose. Denominational unity is only a first step. We must be equally concerned about disunity within denominations—within congregations—among individual Christians.
This is a prayer that, in many respects, has not been answered. The church has fragmented into many denominations and factions. Christians have spent too much time fighting one another.
And yet, in some respects, Jesus prayer has been answered. Christians work together across denominational lines in many ways—from sponsoring community worship services to financing relief efforts. There have been a number of efforts to bring together denominations, either in formal mergers or through shared initiatives and mutual recognition of clergy. It is not enough, but it is a beginning.
“And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” (v. 13) Some might believe that Jesus is implying here, that by following his teachings his followers will feel his pride in them, so to speak, but they would be wrong. Here Jesus is referring to that joy one feels from being creative and productive in service God and others. The joy of being in a correct relationship with God, the joy of knowing your feet are planted on a firm foundation—the rock Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:24—the joy of knowing and serving truth; these are the joys he is speaking of in this prayer.
Jesus has given the disciples God’s word—God’s logos—and that word has made them different. These logos-people do not belong to the kosmos-world—the world that is opposed to God. Their new identity, their separateness, draws the world’s ire.
The kosmos-world is suspicious—afraid of those who have rejected its ways. Kosmos-people feel insecure except in the company of other kosmos-people—those who accept their values and seek the same pleasures. We see that with drug-addicts, who cannot abide the addict who has quit using drugs. We see it in the criminal world that cannot abide the person who has “gone straight.” Kosmos-people know that the person who no longer belongs to them is especially dangerous, because that person knows their secrets but no longer shares their loyalties.
We see something similar in the shadowy world of enterprises (legal or illegal) that profit from people’s weaknesses—manufacturers of cigarettes or alcohol, people who run casinos and bars, pimps, sellers of pornography and the like. Kosmos-people move among a small circle of colleagues and see the rest of the world as their enemy. They hate anyone who opposes them, whether overtly or by wholesome example, and respond viciously to any perceived threat to their kosmos-enterprise.
We see it in the movies, where Christians are seldom portrayed in a favorable light—and in the news media, which seldom reports anything good about the church but delights in clergy-gone-awry stories.
Jesus has not overstated the case at all when he says that the kosmos “hated” the disciples “because they are not of the kosmos.” That hatred is fueled by guilt, fear of exposure, and fierce resistance to change.
The mission Jesus assigned to the disciples, has not changed but this torch is passed on from one generation to another, even to us. It is a mission to carry on Christ’s work in the kosmos-world. As Christians—the followers of Christ—we are to work in a world to which we no longer belong and in which we no longer feel wholly comfortable. The old gospel song comes to mind: “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.” The poetry might be less than wonderful, but the sentiment is correct.
Jesus does pray that God will “keep them from the evil” (v. 15). Jesus prays not that the Father will give the disciples of that day or us for that mater, pain-free lives, but that he will protect us from succumbing to the evil one.
“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (v. 16-17). The disciples are flawed people—just as we are— people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future. Nevertheless, as disciples, we have become different, because Jesus has given us the Father’s word.
This passage is a good one to keep in mind when you read or hear the incessant rants of those modern day counterparts of those who were hostile to Jesus, in his time on Earth. Like the disciples of two millennia ago we, modern day disciples, are flawed people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future, but we have been given the Word, the Logos, of God and we are making an effort to—as he told the woman in John 8:11—“go and sin no more.”
Modern day Pharisees, those choosing to live and believe in their own self-righteousness, who like the Pharisees of old twist the scripture to justify their own ends by conflating Jesus’ teachings of brotherly love and compassion with not just tolerance of sin, but acceptance of abominable sins, twist scriptures so as to guilt the unwary Christian—tearing down his defenses—in an attempt to get these unwary Christians to succumb to the snares of the evil one. These modern day Pharisees try to convince you that you are not to help a sinner out of the proverbial gutter, but to wallow in the gutter with him.
“Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” Jesus said whoever commits a sin is the servant of sin. When we learn the truth, the Word of God and what it means, we choose to be a holy people and choose to sin no more, we are sanctified in the Holy Word of God. Remember Jesus said in John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You will no longer be a slave to sin.
Jesus is not of this world, but emptied himself so that he might take on human form and live in the kosmos-world on a mission of mercy and salvation (Philippians 2:5-11). At the time of this prayer, he was preparing the disciples to continue this incarnational ministry in a world that will often require them to take up their crosses to follow Jesus.
Likewise, in a world that was already hostile to Jesus—but growing exponentially more hostile to Christians each day—we are often found having to “pick up our own cross” to follow Jesus.
“And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.” Jesus is saying he is making himself Holy, sanctifying himself for service to God so that we may be made Holy by the grace of God—set apart for a Godly purpose—”sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ”
As Jesus’ prayer works with the dynamic of ‘the world’, this passage certainly reflects the heightened tension of his farewell to his disciples. Its main elements, which constitute Jesus’ pleas on behalf of his disciples, include what it will take for them to continue functioning as disciples after he leaves them, the same elements that are necessary for us to function as Disciples even today.
Benediction:
Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, as you and he are one: Grant that your Church, being bound together in love and obedience to you, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom you have sent, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
The Gospel
John 17:6–19
6I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
8For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection:
Today’s text, is a very poignant prayer made by Jesus shortly before his arrest and persecution, culminating with his death on the cross. I suggest that this is a poignant prayer, one that arouses deep emotion, because of the implications of verse nine.
“I pray for them: I pray not for the world , but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” (v. 9) This is a very interesting passage, Jesus is openly saying that he IS NOT praying for the entirety of humanity, but only for those God, his Father, has given him. At face value, it seems to contradict his words to Nicodemus in John 3:16; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” However the answer to this presumably paradoxical position is found in the words of John 3:16, “whosoever believeth.” He is not praying for those openly hostile to his teachings and those of his Father’s, but rather he is praying for those who have accepted the calling from God to believe in him.
Just as God chose the Israelites out of all the people of the world as his own, he now chooses all humanity, he so loved the world, he so loved humanity that he gave his only Son so that those who make the decision to believe in him and his teachings, those who make an effort to live in the light of his teachings, will be saved and not perish, but have eternal life.
Some have suggested that those hostile to Jesus’ teachings, those who openly choose to deny him, are guilty of the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to blaspheme against the Spirit. But to openly deny the existence of God or the life and resurrection of Christ, is this not also akin to blaspheming against the Spirit?
Therefore we can at least surmise that, Jesus is not praying for those openly hostile to him, God his Father, or even his disciples and devout Christians; but rather those who are receptive, who hear the word of God and cling to it.
“What strikes one… most in our Lord’s prayer is not even (Jesus’) moving loyalty to his friends, …but rather his unmistakable pride in them” (Gossip, 746).
It seems astonishing that Jesus would claim to be glorified in these disciples. They are a small and ordinary group of people who exhibit no unusual intelligence or talent. They seem unable to learn from the numerous clues that Jesus gives them concerning his future. No matter what Jesus says, they just don’t get it. How can Jesus claim to have been glorified in them?
Keep in mind that this Gospel was written quite late, probably after most of Jesus’ original disciples had died. The author has seen that, somehow, through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit, Jesus has indeed been glorified by these disciples. The church is growing and spreading. However imperfect these disciples might have been, they have succeeded in glorifying the Lord. In fact, when Jesus says that he has been glorified in them, he uses the perfect tense, suggesting an already completed glorification, showing full confidence that they have glorified him and will glorify him.
At the time when he made this prayer, Jesus has been the disciples’ protector, and gives his Father an account of his stewardship (v. 12). Now he is preparing to depart, so he asks the Father to assume the role of protector to these disciples who are in the kosmos (world) but not of the kosmos—those who belong to the Father but, but will continue to dwell in a hostile world.
In modern times, various ecumenical movements have worked to bring denominations together organizationally, their efforts reflecting concerns both for this petition of Jesus and for the church’s witness. The unity for which Jesus is praying, however, is deeper—a unity of heart and purpose. Denominational unity is only a first step. We must be equally concerned about disunity within denominations—within congregations—among individual Christians.
This is a prayer that, in many respects, has not been answered. The church has fragmented into many denominations and factions. Christians have spent too much time fighting one another.
And yet, in some respects, Jesus prayer has been answered. Christians work together across denominational lines in many ways—from sponsoring community worship services to financing relief efforts. There have been a number of efforts to bring together denominations, either in formal mergers or through shared initiatives and mutual recognition of clergy. It is not enough, but it is a beginning.
“And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” (v. 13) Some might believe that Jesus is implying here, that by following his teachings his followers will feel his pride in them, so to speak, but they would be wrong. Here Jesus is referring to that joy one feels from being creative and productive in service God and others. The joy of being in a correct relationship with God, the joy of knowing your feet are planted on a firm foundation—the rock Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:24—the joy of knowing and serving truth; these are the joys he is speaking of in this prayer.
Jesus has given the disciples God’s word—God’s logos—and that word has made them different. These logos-people do not belong to the kosmos-world—the world that is opposed to God. Their new identity, their separateness, draws the world’s ire.
The kosmos-world is suspicious—afraid of those who have rejected its ways. Kosmos-people feel insecure except in the company of other kosmos-people—those who accept their values and seek the same pleasures. We see that with drug-addicts, who cannot abide the addict who has quit using drugs. We see it in the criminal world that cannot abide the person who has “gone straight.” Kosmos-people know that the person who no longer belongs to them is especially dangerous, because that person knows their secrets but no longer shares their loyalties.
We see something similar in the shadowy world of enterprises (legal or illegal) that profit from people’s weaknesses—manufacturers of cigarettes or alcohol, people who run casinos and bars, pimps, sellers of pornography and the like. Kosmos-people move among a small circle of colleagues and see the rest of the world as their enemy. They hate anyone who opposes them, whether overtly or by wholesome example, and respond viciously to any perceived threat to their kosmos-enterprise.
We see it in the movies, where Christians are seldom portrayed in a favorable light—and in the news media, which seldom reports anything good about the church but delights in clergy-gone-awry stories.
Jesus has not overstated the case at all when he says that the kosmos “hated” the disciples “because they are not of the kosmos.” That hatred is fueled by guilt, fear of exposure, and fierce resistance to change.
The mission Jesus assigned to the disciples, has not changed but this torch is passed on from one generation to another, even to us. It is a mission to carry on Christ’s work in the kosmos-world. As Christians—the followers of Christ—we are to work in a world to which we no longer belong and in which we no longer feel wholly comfortable. The old gospel song comes to mind: “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.” The poetry might be less than wonderful, but the sentiment is correct.
Jesus does pray that God will “keep them from the evil” (v. 15). Jesus prays not that the Father will give the disciples of that day or us for that mater, pain-free lives, but that he will protect us from succumbing to the evil one.
“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (v. 16-17). The disciples are flawed people—just as we are— people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future. Nevertheless, as disciples, we have become different, because Jesus has given us the Father’s word.
This passage is a good one to keep in mind when you read or hear the incessant rants of those modern day counterparts of those who were hostile to Jesus, in his time on Earth. Like the disciples of two millennia ago we, modern day disciples, are flawed people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future, but we have been given the Word, the Logos, of God and we are making an effort to—as he told the woman in John 8:11—“go and sin no more.”
Modern day Pharisees, those choosing to live and believe in their own self-righteousness, who like the Pharisees of old twist the scripture to justify their own ends by conflating Jesus’ teachings of brotherly love and compassion with not just tolerance of sin, but acceptance of abominable sins, twist scriptures so as to guilt the unwary Christian—tearing down his defenses—in an attempt to get these unwary Christians to succumb to the snares of the evil one. These modern day Pharisees try to convince you that you are not to help a sinner out of the proverbial gutter, but to wallow in the gutter with him.
“Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” Jesus said whoever commits a sin is the servant of sin. When we learn the truth, the Word of God and what it means, we choose to be a holy people and choose to sin no more, we are sanctified in the Holy Word of God. Remember Jesus said in John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You will no longer be a slave to sin.
Jesus is not of this world, but emptied himself so that he might take on human form and live in the kosmos-world on a mission of mercy and salvation (Philippians 2:5-11). At the time of this prayer, he was preparing the disciples to continue this incarnational ministry in a world that will often require them to take up their crosses to follow Jesus.
Likewise, in a world that was already hostile to Jesus—but growing exponentially more hostile to Christians each day—we are often found having to “pick up our own cross” to follow Jesus.
“And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.” Jesus is saying he is making himself Holy, sanctifying himself for service to God so that we may be made Holy by the grace of God—set apart for a Godly purpose—”sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ”
As Jesus’ prayer works with the dynamic of ‘the world’, this passage certainly reflects the heightened tension of his farewell to his disciples. Its main elements, which constitute Jesus’ pleas on behalf of his disciples, include what it will take for them to continue functioning as disciples after he leaves them, the same elements that are necessary for us to function as Disciples even today.
Benediction:
Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, as you and he are one: Grant that your Church, being bound together in love and obedience to you, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom you have sent, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
The Gospel
John 17:6–19
6I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.
8For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.
16They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
17Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
18 As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.
19And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
Commentary on Today’s Gospel Selection:
Today’s text, is a very poignant prayer made by Jesus shortly before his arrest and persecution, culminating with his death on the cross. I suggest that this is a poignant prayer, one that arouses deep emotion, because of the implications of verse nine.
“I pray for them: I pray not for the world , but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.” (v. 9) This is a very interesting passage, Jesus is openly saying that he IS NOT praying for the entirety of humanity, but only for those God, his Father, has given him. At face value, it seems to contradict his words to Nicodemus in John 3:16; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” However the answer to this presumably paradoxical position is found in the words of John 3:16, “whosoever believeth.” He is not praying for those openly hostile to his teachings and those of his Father’s, but rather he is praying for those who have accepted the calling from God to believe in him.
Just as God chose the Israelites out of all the people of the world as his own, he now chooses all humanity, he so loved the world, he so loved humanity that he gave his only Son so that those who make the decision to believe in him and his teachings, those who make an effort to live in the light of his teachings, will be saved and not perish, but have eternal life.
Some have suggested that those hostile to Jesus’ teachings, those who openly choose to deny him, are guilty of the unpardonable sin. The unpardonable sin is to blaspheme against the Spirit. But to openly deny the existence of God or the life and resurrection of Christ, is this not also akin to blaspheming against the Spirit?
Therefore we can at least surmise that, Jesus is not praying for those openly hostile to him, God his Father, or even his disciples and devout Christians; but rather those who are receptive, who hear the word of God and cling to it.
“What strikes one… most in our Lord’s prayer is not even (Jesus’) moving loyalty to his friends, …but rather his unmistakable pride in them” (Gossip, 746).
It seems astonishing that Jesus would claim to be glorified in these disciples. They are a small and ordinary group of people who exhibit no unusual intelligence or talent. They seem unable to learn from the numerous clues that Jesus gives them concerning his future. No matter what Jesus says, they just don’t get it. How can Jesus claim to have been glorified in them?
Keep in mind that this Gospel was written quite late, probably after most of Jesus’ original disciples had died. The author has seen that, somehow, through the grace of God and the work of the Spirit, Jesus has indeed been glorified by these disciples. The church is growing and spreading. However imperfect these disciples might have been, they have succeeded in glorifying the Lord. In fact, when Jesus says that he has been glorified in them, he uses the perfect tense, suggesting an already completed glorification, showing full confidence that they have glorified him and will glorify him.
At the time when he made this prayer, Jesus has been the disciples’ protector, and gives his Father an account of his stewardship (v. 12). Now he is preparing to depart, so he asks the Father to assume the role of protector to these disciples who are in the kosmos (world) but not of the kosmos—those who belong to the Father but, but will continue to dwell in a hostile world.
In modern times, various ecumenical movements have worked to bring denominations together organizationally, their efforts reflecting concerns both for this petition of Jesus and for the church’s witness. The unity for which Jesus is praying, however, is deeper—a unity of heart and purpose. Denominational unity is only a first step. We must be equally concerned about disunity within denominations—within congregations—among individual Christians.
This is a prayer that, in many respects, has not been answered. The church has fragmented into many denominations and factions. Christians have spent too much time fighting one another.
And yet, in some respects, Jesus prayer has been answered. Christians work together across denominational lines in many ways—from sponsoring community worship services to financing relief efforts. There have been a number of efforts to bring together denominations, either in formal mergers or through shared initiatives and mutual recognition of clergy. It is not enough, but it is a beginning.
“And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” (v. 13) Some might believe that Jesus is implying here, that by following his teachings his followers will feel his pride in them, so to speak, but they would be wrong. Here Jesus is referring to that joy one feels from being creative and productive in service God and others. The joy of being in a correct relationship with God, the joy of knowing your feet are planted on a firm foundation—the rock Jesus spoke of in Matthew 7:24—the joy of knowing and serving truth; these are the joys he is speaking of in this prayer.
Jesus has given the disciples God’s word—God’s logos—and that word has made them different. These logos-people do not belong to the kosmos-world—the world that is opposed to God. Their new identity, their separateness, draws the world’s ire.
The kosmos-world is suspicious—afraid of those who have rejected its ways. Kosmos-people feel insecure except in the company of other kosmos-people—those who accept their values and seek the same pleasures. We see that with drug-addicts, who cannot abide the addict who has quit using drugs. We see it in the criminal world that cannot abide the person who has “gone straight.” Kosmos-people know that the person who no longer belongs to them is especially dangerous, because that person knows their secrets but no longer shares their loyalties.
We see something similar in the shadowy world of enterprises (legal or illegal) that profit from people’s weaknesses—manufacturers of cigarettes or alcohol, people who run casinos and bars, pimps, sellers of pornography and the like. Kosmos-people move among a small circle of colleagues and see the rest of the world as their enemy. They hate anyone who opposes them, whether overtly or by wholesome example, and respond viciously to any perceived threat to their kosmos-enterprise.
We see it in the movies, where Christians are seldom portrayed in a favorable light—and in the news media, which seldom reports anything good about the church but delights in clergy-gone-awry stories.
Jesus has not overstated the case at all when he says that the kosmos “hated” the disciples “because they are not of the kosmos.” That hatred is fueled by guilt, fear of exposure, and fierce resistance to change.
The mission Jesus assigned to the disciples, has not changed but this torch is passed on from one generation to another, even to us. It is a mission to carry on Christ’s work in the kosmos-world. As Christians—the followers of Christ—we are to work in a world to which we no longer belong and in which we no longer feel wholly comfortable. The old gospel song comes to mind: “This world is not my home; I’m just a-passing through.” The poetry might be less than wonderful, but the sentiment is correct.
Jesus does pray that God will “keep them from the evil” (v. 15). Jesus prays not that the Father will give the disciples of that day or us for that mater, pain-free lives, but that he will protect us from succumbing to the evil one.
“They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” (v. 16-17). The disciples are flawed people—just as we are— people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future. Nevertheless, as disciples, we have become different, because Jesus has given us the Father’s word.
This passage is a good one to keep in mind when you read or hear the incessant rants of those modern day counterparts of those who were hostile to Jesus, in his time on Earth. Like the disciples of two millennia ago we, modern day disciples, are flawed people who have failed Jesus in the past and who will fail him again in the future, but we have been given the Word, the Logos, of God and we are making an effort to—as he told the woman in John 8:11—“go and sin no more.”
Modern day Pharisees, those choosing to live and believe in their own self-righteousness, who like the Pharisees of old twist the scripture to justify their own ends by conflating Jesus’ teachings of brotherly love and compassion with not just tolerance of sin, but acceptance of abominable sins, twist scriptures so as to guilt the unwary Christian—tearing down his defenses—in an attempt to get these unwary Christians to succumb to the snares of the evil one. These modern day Pharisees try to convince you that you are not to help a sinner out of the proverbial gutter, but to wallow in the gutter with him.
“Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” Jesus said whoever commits a sin is the servant of sin. When we learn the truth, the Word of God and what it means, we choose to be a holy people and choose to sin no more, we are sanctified in the Holy Word of God. Remember Jesus said in John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You will no longer be a slave to sin.
Jesus is not of this world, but emptied himself so that he might take on human form and live in the kosmos-world on a mission of mercy and salvation (Philippians 2:5-11). At the time of this prayer, he was preparing the disciples to continue this incarnational ministry in a world that will often require them to take up their crosses to follow Jesus.
Likewise, in a world that was already hostile to Jesus—but growing exponentially more hostile to Christians each day—we are often found having to “pick up our own cross” to follow Jesus.
“And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.” Jesus is saying he is making himself Holy, sanctifying himself for service to God so that we may be made Holy by the grace of God—set apart for a Godly purpose—”sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ”
As Jesus’ prayer works with the dynamic of ‘the world’, this passage certainly reflects the heightened tension of his farewell to his disciples. Its main elements, which constitute Jesus’ pleas on behalf of his disciples, include what it will take for them to continue functioning as disciples after he leaves them, the same elements that are necessary for us to function as Disciples even today.
Benediction:
Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, as you and he are one: Grant that your Church, being bound together in love and obedience to you, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom you have sent, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

I am hoping that somebody here may still have the file for the mod called Hillsborugh Estate. It was released on TES Nexus around 2008 but sadly has since been scrubbed from the net. I am hoping somebody may still have a copy in an old folder.
I am needing this mod for research into cross mod references that where occurring in the community during this time period. This particular one has a connection to Pemberly Manor which connects to Arthmoor's villages mods that were then referenced in the Verified Creations so trying to draw a map of all connections between mods of this time period.

Actually, I wanted to get a PN-L1 certification, but it seems they only run sales twice a year, and I would have to wait until late September for their new sale. So I did some research and found that it's possible to obtain their certificate through the ISSA as well. Upon searching their website, I found a bundle of PN-L1 and ISSA CPT for $1200, plus a $50 fee for AED/CPR. However, I couldn't find the PN-L1 course sold separately.
I am wondering if it's a good idea to purchase such a bundle since it appears that ISSA is not NCCA accredited. Although I spoke to their customer service, and they informed me that it is accredited if I take the proctored exam. On their website, they reference it as "the NCCPT Certified Personal Trainer NCCA Accredited proctored exam," but they don't specify if the certification itself is NCCA accredited or not.
I thought maybe there is still another way to obtain the PN-L1 certification, as my initial goal was to obtain the CSCS or perhaps NASM CPT, as they are more respected by gyms.
PS: I remember NSCA and ACSM were very insistent on accepting only hands-on AED/CPR training from certain providers like the Red Cross. I am wondering if paying that $50 for ISSA AED/CPR would be acceptable to gyms and insurance companies. I am concerned that they may not accept it.

I have been doing research for years and experienced things in my personal life too.
Past lives theory has more proof than religions, heaven, hell, Adam and Eve. But the thing is many children who remember their past lives refer to something as "heaven" and "God" and how they waited at this place to be sent down by this entity.
These stories make a lot of sense since they did say details like dates, place, name before even knowing the actual story.
The other theory is that we have our memories wiped down before we get sent here. So most of us do not remember.
So we have our memory wiped once we enter the "light"
Many cultures believe that you have to "cross over" to the "light" to go to "heaven"
Now on the other hand I researched mediums and ghost hunters. There are a lot of "souls" that are trapped here.
The weird thing though that they never asked the "souls" what really happens after death and why they chose to stay.
There is a gap between us in flesh and these souls its like a wall so we can't communicate.
Since Hollywood likes to mocks us by throwing truth at our faces cause that how the evil people work, they have to tell the truth and once we do not do anything about it they can do what the devil tells them to do. Anyway this show about a woman who helps "souls" to "cross over" but their was an "evil soul" who refused and he gather many souls and they all became stuck here.
Now the other side of everything is that all space missions are under governments control. All what we know about space came from "NASA" mainly, if you go and watch the interview of the astronauts who went to the "moon" they looked guilty.
Many cultures believe that the moon did not exist in the beginning. Many scients say that they cannot explain the moon.
Now on the different topic they believe that the moon was brought here to control humans emotions. In astrology it represents emotions. The theory here is that many years ago a civilization tried to escape Earth as they knew that we were controlled slaves. However, a powerful civilization stopped them, the remain of the civilization that failed to escape is in the north pole " thats why no one can go there" , this powerful civilization brought the moon as a control station.
Now you see top 1% talking about Mars but no one talks about the moon. Now we have advanced technology that we didn't have in the 70s and still no one wants to go back to the moon.
I was thinking about all of this and I feel like I am getting closer to truth. I just do not know how to put the puzzles together to finally find a proof that this is indeed a prison planet.

Today I'd like to answer these questions of how you can address a toxic relationship between you and your parents without causing harm.
By causing harm here, it means how you can resolve the issues you have with them without harming them or if it's just about cutting them of in your life?
Let's say you've realized that your parents are exploiting you. They might be too demanding, controlling, asking you for money. They're expecting so much from you. They might want to control your family. They expect too much and may even seek to control various aspects of your life, including your family dynamics and finances. This realization can be particularly common as you enter adulthood, perhaps even in your 30s or 40s, when the desire for independence becomes undeniable.
So, let's say you try to keep your distance. Maybe you start visiting home less often, especially during holidays. But what happens when you do? Well, your mom might start accusing you of abandoning them or remind you of how much they've done for you. They guilt-trip you, making you feel like you owe them your presence. This kind of manipulation and coercion is sadly typical in many families. Instead of wanting to go home out of love, you feel obligated and fearful of what might happen if you don't comply.
So, when you start working on yourself or when you start prioritizing yourself, you'll be in this conflict of how can you maintain the relationship without causing harm? Is it just blocking them for the sake of your own wellbeing? Actually there are two things you can do.
Understand Your Boundaries
The first thing is of course understanding your boundaries. Understanding boundaries here is you knowing the things you are not supposed to tolerate from them or from others. And others here also include your family. Because sometimes when we discuss boundaries, we tend to think it only applies to relationships with friends, not our loved ones. We believe we can do anything for our family, even sacrifice our own well-being..
It's boundaries between you and you and you and others and these others also include your parents or your loved ones. So when you understand your boundaries, it can be your financial boundaries, boundaries in terms of space, or just generally the things you're not supposed to tolerate.
Once you understand your boundaries, you can begin enforcing them. For instance, I have a friend who found an effective approach with her parents. She used to send them money regularly, which was fine. However, instead of them asking for money frequently throughout the month, she started sending a fixed amount every month. She made it clear that if anything urgent came up in between, she wouldn't be able to provide additional funds. This strategy has been successful for her. Of course, there are potential drawbacks, as not all parents may respect these boundaries. Nonetheless, it establishes a clear boundary and you can try out by offering them options like visiting home less often or limiting phone calls to specific times, like weekends.
That's a straightforward boundary that reflects your needs. Sometimes, enforcing such boundaries may require ‘lying’. This type of lie is often referred to as a compassionate lie. You understand that even if you provide your parents with a valid reason, such as needing to manage your finances or not being able to visit home, they may still challenge it. In such cases, lying, especially with awareness, can be the most effective approach. For instance, if they persistently ask for money and you find it difficult to say no, you might say you don't have any money to spare. While lying may seem deceptive, it can be a necessary measure to protect your boundaries and well-being.
Actually, in the grand scheme of things, you really think that you are very, very honest and you don't need to lie, but by bowing down to their demands, you are lying to yourself on a deeper level or on the soul level. Like when you do something which you don't want, which is contrary to what you wish on a deeper level, that's the greatest lie because you're lying to your own self.
But this other lie of lying because you have to protect yourself or because you understand where they're coming from. That's a very beautiful thing to do. So, sometimes when it comes to enforcing these boundaries to your toxic parents, you can lie and come up with a reason Because you just know that there is no other way.
So, understanding boundaries is crucial, but when they're constantly crossing them, then it's perfectly okay to distance yourself from them. And if you don't have a reason for distancing yourself from them, of course, you can find another ‘good’ lie. You can certainly tell them outrightly, but when you truly feel that you cannot give a genuine reason, as you work on yourself on this journey, as you find your place in this journey, or as you go deeper into yourself, just come up with any kind of reason.
Maybe you can say something like, "I'm studying," "I'm changing work locations," or "I'm working night shifts for something." Just something, a temporary measure as you find yourself. Because ultimately, when you set boundaries or prioritize yourself, it will always harm others in quotation. Because no one wants to see you thriving or being independent or thinking for yourself, especially within a dysfunctional family.
Like, they won't really want to see you thriving or just living your life or even if you're traveling or even if you don't want to get married. No, they'll want to have that control over you or they'll want to feel that they have an impact in your life. That's why giving them a reason that you are distancing yourself will not really bother you. They may get angry, resentful, they may call you names, they may call every family member to tell them about how selfish you are. That's why sometimes lying, if you don't have the capacity to say no and block them, can be a good way.
But there's no problem distancing yourself from your family for the sake of your own well-being. In fact, it's the best thing to do for you and for future generations to come. It demonstrates the lengths you're willing to go to protect yourself because if you don't, who will? So sometimes it's very necessary to distance yourself, and you don't have to feel obligated towards them. That's just part of your upbringing, how you've been conditioned since childhood. If there's no golden rule or a feeling of obligation, then that's just your mind playing tricks on you. But if you truly want to be free, sometimes you have to challenge these notions. And one of the things you must challenge is the idea of family.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Been reading up on this sub for a little while now. Tried to retain as much as I could from the sub wiki before posting so I’m not asking redundant questions. Backstory on what is leading me to this question. I am going to include every single detail I can think of to try and keep you guys from having to ask for more information I didn’t provide so this will be a long post I apologize.
30M who has always worked out a pretty decent amount, taken OTC vitamins and supplements for physical fitness always along with what I would consider a decent diet (1-10 scale a 7 sweets have always been a weak point.) ages 19- early 20’s I did CrossFit competitions peak physical shape I would consider for myself in my 30 years. About 24-25 I ended up at another job that didn’t allow as much time required to go to a gym so I bought everything I needed and set up a garage gym and transitioned to more traditional 3 lift training with enough cardio/HIIT to keep my cardiovascular health. At this time I also was able to gain access to Test C and Anadrol. Used but didn’t abuse for roughly 1.5 years. (10 weeks on/5 off last 2 weeks of cycles I would taper down. The best I could figure based on what I had researched with OTC supplements and foods for post cycle therapy for the 5 weeks off)
Towards the end of my last cycle mental health issues I had dealt with for my teenage and adult life began to take hold and I stopped using as my wife and I were trying to start a family. Began going to therapy, learned I had a pretty severe case of the “Perfectionist” personality disorder OCPD and severe anxiety, learned ways to better handle that and minimize issues, and tried various mental health meds and landed on the right combination.
I ended up having a child. The obvious difficulties came with that. always fatigued, weight gain, time for physical fitness basically cut by 90%, crazy schedule, fighting with partner due to these factors that come with an infant. I figured these issues would get better once we got to toddler stage and they were all baby related new parent problems. Well, as my child got older and more self sufficient (3.5 now) I started noticing serious problems at roughly 2-2.5 years of being a parent. Low libido, difficulty gaining erections and keeping, ALOT more sleeping and fatigue, quickly thinning and balding head, all the progress I made through therapy and medication has basically eroded leading to mental health issues.
I know the signs of low T so I got some Androgel 1.62 from ugl roughly 6 months ago. Did a 90 day trial and all issues improved drastically upon getting up to therapeutic levels. Cycle off and they returned so I told my psych dr. She did blood work. Sure enough low T. She referred me to endocrinology and told me to get into a PCP who may prescribe from there.
Went to PCP this week. I desperately emphasized I was seeking help for the mental health benefits and the effect Androgel had on me and really wanted to do it above board. She wanted new blood work. T was 234. Basically the usual “230 to 1100 is normal blah blah endo will check” stuff (no male doctors in office accepting patients, only health network in region as I’m rural, closest TRT clinic is over 2 hours away, haven’t found any test ranges that bottom end at 230 on any reputable health website either. Maybe I missed the one they use?)
My endo appointment is the beginning of June. My main fear after this, and reading some other posts on this subreddit, is that the endo will go the same route as the PCP or expect me to spend the next year plus trying various stuff that will take me from 234 to 240 and waste time and money. I already got Sup and C from an avenue that will basically be when needed no months long waits but I haven’t done yet because I want the prescription and doing it above board but I’m not going to spend the rest of my kids childhood being a slug basically forcing myself to participate with him and go into an early grave.
All of this said, probably to much to the point that some knowledgeable dudes will scroll past no hard feelings, am I going to be truly out of options other than ugl If the endo gives me the same story as the PCP?
Thanks in advance for any help hope I gave enough details to build on.

I am new to arduinos. But from what I understand so far that I see is that you can set up inputs to produce a desired output to make these things work.
Before I buy an arduino. I wanted to see if it was feasible and not a waste of time.
From what I have gathered so far is that there is no availability to buy a remote start for my model of car because in the 11th gen civic, only the automatics had the ability to remote start only on the touring, and Sport Touring. My Sport touring is manual and recently found out it does not have it. This was one of the main reasons I bought it, for that.
Getting into the technicals, so from what I know so far, the car has AutoSS, which by minimum is required to have some kind of neutral detetcting switch. And utilizes the cars speed, and clutch, and gear shift, parking brake, and some kind of way to measure volts or amps, Im not sure. all 5 have to be 0, not pressed, neutral, not engaged, exceed power consumption, for it not to beep at me with out of parameters warnings or turn back on, on its own. If I exceed 0mph it turns on. If I engage the brake, it prevents AutoSS from shutting the engine off/ign on. If you press the clutch, it also turns on. If you run the fan too high it turns the car back on shortly. This is all things noticed so far from driving the car.
Surprisingly the gas pedal has no affect on operation of AutoSS. So it's safe to assume to leave the gas pedal out of it.
Now this is where it gets tricky. The car is supposed to have remote start, but does not. I'm sure by this point in the game, cars are all programmed and have no remote start module (like for example the ones you add in) and the infotainment system on the Touring and ST models is completely different than the cheaper models where you would have an auto and need to buy one to "upgrade" and just plug in the patch harness to it and boom you have working remote start. But the premise and function behind the automatic transmission and remote start is that no matter what you do, the car will not let you turn it off safely or park it or take the key out, whatever the case unless it's in neutral or park. And thus when you remote start it doesn't drive away. Which I'd imagine have something to do with this. And the reason I don't want to add in one of those remote start modules is because I dont think it will work correctly or safely if it even worked at all.
The only thing remotely close tech wise is the Civic Si. They are only manual. So the electronics and sensors And software configuration are likely the same if not very similar, however still with the Si no remote start. Either way the tech setup on the cars like in the AutoSS paragraph is clearly different than your regular automatic transmission SS systems. Honda didn't want remote start on manuals (or so the salesmen said)
Now with all that said, now the hard part is getting all the sensors to work with each other and "play nice" and not have conflicting functions (AutoSS, Alarm, Keyfob range disabling "If applicable", Auto touch button unlocking/locking doors, "ign on" requires a clutch press regardless of turning engine on no matter what, and the whole main issue of it being in gear or not which the car does have a sensor for clearly from driving it, I noticed it screams at me if I drop it in a gear while the the ign on/engine off AutoSS is enabled.) And then the issue about the AutoSS has an override switch but i think it's non issue because the car defaults to AutoSS enabled no matter what. Then again that brings me back to another key point, will the AutoSS even interfere with the car because it is hard disabled until the car reaches a certain coolant temp and it wont shut off the engine/ign on when you come to a stop in that specific case. Additionally it wont hit AutoSS either if it was previously stopped and disabled with the override switch or other reason or parking brake is on. Which the parking brake we will want to implement into it later. Just this is the initial phase of even trying to see if it will work
I really am not sure what gremlins I'm about to stir up by trying to add my own remote start with an arduino.
Now is arduino even the solution to this? I really don't know. Since there is nothing else out there that looks even remotely safe or compatible I'm not gonna try it. I haven't really looked into it too much but do you wire in the arduino in parallel or in series to the signals
Is it worth it? Probably not. But I don't care, I need my remote start and I refuse to buy an automatic. I need my car to guarantee me to last longer than 150k miles. No they don't last longer than that and no you won't change my mind about auto reliability. I'm here for arduino usage/feasibility.
I myself personally have yet to see any cross references regarding this exact issue.

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GET /ScaredDistinctAlbatross.mp4?expires=1715556000&signature=v2:991b51f2df390a1d471e4164463b8b97d098ef66fe0f710aee1d30fe76e7aecd&for=xx.xx.xx&hash=7011125643 HTTP/3 Host: thumbs44.redgifs.com User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64; rv:125.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/125.0 Accept: video/webm,video/ogg,video/*;q=0.9,application/ogg;q=0.7,audio/*;q=0.6,*/*;q=0.5 Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Range: bytes=0- DNT: 1 Sec-GPC: 1 Alt-Used: thumbs44.redgifs.com Connection: keep-alive Referer: https://old.reddit.com/ Cookie: cf_clearance=VENEGDcdW.AyHJAmKKOJOginOwXXPL5cXU0OQ31YHIg-1715469456-1.0.1.1-aiBYWPSoEJ9BD7Zc4fBpbeMGmioQIZYv2x2it5IxnZdKQvsd6skTUIOO07Ydy0mbHSyWuF.ygwxdVgrtApPQjg Sec-Fetch-Dest: video Sec-Fetch-Mode: no-cors Sec-Fetch-Site: cross-site Accept-Encoding: identity TE: trailers 

Response headers:

HTTP/3 403 date: Sat, 11 May 2024 23:28:43 GMT content-type: text/plain;charset=UTF-8 content-length: 22 access-control-allow-origin: * vary: Range, Accept-Encoding access-control-allow-headers: range access-control-allow-methods: GET,HEAD,OPTIONS access-control-max-age: 600 strict-transport-security: max-age=31536000; includeSubDomains; preload x-content-type-options: nosniff server: cloudflare cf-ray: 8825f2710a001197-ORD alt-svc: h3=":443"; ma=86400 

And HTML output:

Bad request signature. 

If I use the expando button, the url is formulated slightly differently and works: https://thumbs44.redgifs.com/ScaredDistinctAlbatross-mobile.mp4?expires=1715556600&signature=v2:b27779e957076bd25a4315a40e2b52c51a41ff48c57115ca01c2e8f47a0e6e2d&for=xx.xx.xx&hash=7011125643
Request:

GET /ScaredDistinctAlbatross-mobile.mp4?expires=1715556600&signature=v2:b27779e957076bd25a4315a40e2b52c51a41ff48c57115ca01c2e8f47a0e6e2d&for=xx.xx.xx&hash=7011125643 HTTP/3 Host: thumbs44.redgifs.com User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64; rv:125.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/125.0 Accept: video/webm,video/ogg,video/*;q=0.9,application/ogg;q=0.7,audio/*;q=0.6,*/*;q=0.5 Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Range: bytes=0- DNT: 1 Sec-GPC: 1 Alt-Used: thumbs44.redgifs.com Connection: keep-alive Referer: https://www.redgifs.com/ Cookie: cf_clearance=VENEGDcdW.AyHJAmKKOJOginOwXXPL5cXU0OQ31YHIg-1715469456-1.0.1.1-aiBYWPSoEJ9BD7Zc4fBpbeMGmioQIZYv2x2it5IxnZdKQvsd6skTUIOO07Ydy0mbHSyWuF.ygwxdVgrtApPQjg Sec-Fetch-Dest: video Sec-Fetch-Mode: no-cors Sec-Fetch-Site: same-site Accept-Encoding: identity 

Response:

HTTP/3 206 date: Sat, 11 May 2024 23:38:40 GMT content-type: video/mp4 content-length: 3016018 content-range: bytes 0-3016017/3016018 cf-ray: 882601009afe9126-ORD cf-cache-status: HIT accept-ranges: bytes access-control-allow-origin: * age: 2499 cache-control: public, max-age=31536000 etag: "71c1d42c2aaa1f897f9948ac55626814" expires: Sun, 11 May 2025 23:38:40 GMT last-modified: Sat, 11 May 2024 22:45:24 GMT strict-transport-security: max-age=31536000; includeSubDomains; preload vary: Range, Accept-Encoding access-control-allow-headers: range access-control-allow-methods: GET,HEAD,OPTIONS access-control-max-age: 600 x-amz-id-2: aZhg02jPyMWYzpTmxNgs5JTWWYdth5DOa x-amz-request-id: 210436aecd375ae1 x-amz-version-id: 4_z5fb433c10389b6d9755a0a13_f1103b45014fcb887_d20240511_m224524_c000_v0001089_t0003_u01715467524921 x-content-type-options: nosniff server: cloudflare alt-svc: h3=":443"; ma=86400 

Note the different signature and the -mobile suffix in the url. Not sure if they matter, but I tested with them a bit. Using -mobile in the url that imagus mod generates does not resolve the issue. Using the signature from the working url (without -mobile) does not resolve the issue. Using both does resolve the issue, but then it is identical to the working url, so that would be expected. Also, the referer and Sec-Fetch-Site headers are different between the requests.
All other sites I've tried have worked. This was working up until late April, which is when I checked the subreddit and the troubleshooting guide. After I saw the sieve update sticky, I updated the sieves and smh conf to see if they resolved things but they have not. I've cleared and imported several times and followed the instructions in the guide. The only other thing that may have changed between when this was working and now is Firefox updating.

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The statement that Ueshiba's aikido is Daito ryu is a rather bold one. Most people think of Ueshiba's aikido as something very different than Daito ryu.
First, a look at the techniques themselves. Did Ueshiba alter them? John Driscoll does an excellent job of correlating Daito ryu and aikido techniques. The conclusion is noteworthy as there is a very high percentage of correlation. (1)
Some people have researched the various schools of Daito ryu and found that they all have different curricula. As the Daito ryu greats noted, there are limitless techniques and their art is formless. How do you teach a formless art? As a student, how do you learn a formless art? The students found it was easier to learn when they kept track of all the various techniques and put together a syllabus. Each school was shown varying techniques, some the same, some different. Even the students of Ueshiba have different curriculum. However, throughout all schools of Daito ryu and aikido, the overall "look" is still very similar with many overlapping techniques.
When we look at films of Ueshiba, we also find quite a lot of stock Daito ryu techniques. The pose of one hand up with one hand down is a pose that can be seen in photos of other Daito ryu greats. Pinning multiple attackers is a stock Daito ryu demonstration. Ueshiba can be seen delivering atemi to the face and elbows as he had learned from Daito ryu.
Gaku Homma also has noticed a similarity between Ueshiba and Daito ryu:
But when he [Uyeshiba] faced an opponent in migi-hanmi (right foot slightly ahead of the left and wooden sword in his right hand), with his left hand he would grasp the left side of his hakama (the "skirt" prortion of the aikido uniform worn on the lower body) and move it back and forth. … Recently, looking through some pictures of Sokaku Takeda, from whom the founder learned daito-ryu aikijujutsu, I saw the same pose. … (2)

There is a video of Kodo Horikawa demonstrating push tests. He is sitting on the floor cross legged and having students push on his head. It is very similar to demonstrations that Ueshiba is filmed doing. Ueshiba once did a demonstration that was nearly identical to what Sokaku Takeda had demonstrated as noted below.

Nishimura Sensei: One time Ueshiba Sensei took a piece of Japanese paper and folded it into four. Then he told me to come get it. I did, but was thrown the moment I touched the paper. He was holding the paper along one edge and I was supposed to take hold of the paper along the other edge. So we were connected only through the paper. But Sensei threw me before the paper could tear. (3)

Sokaku Takeda, Yukiyoshi Sagawa, Kodo Horikawa, Morihei Ueshiba, Takuma Hisa, Seigo Okamoto all said you can make up waza. Everything that Ueshiba did, even in his later years, can all be found in Daito ryu.
And of course, it is well known now that "pre-war aikido" really isn't aikido at all but Daito ryu. Ueshiba even handed out scrolls stating it was Daito ryu. It really is that simple. For a time frame up until the late 1930's to the early 1940's, we have Daito ryu in some incarnation from Ueshiba. Aiki News Issue 74, page 58, shows various names Ueshiba used throughout the years and it's a very significant thing that it wasn't really called "Aikido" until 1942. The name, aikido, was chosen by a Japanese Organization to categorize both Daito ryu and aikido schools.
Even Morihiro Saito's teachings and techniques are close to what Ueshiba was doing in 1938. In reference to the actual techniques taught and used, even though the curriculum was pared down, Ueshiba was still doing Daito ryu.

What about the philosophy of Daito ryu? Interestingly enough, quite a bit of what Takeda's students held as being Daito ryu can be found to be very, very similar to what Ueshiba espoused. Takeda wrote:

This technique is a perfect self-defense art where you avoid being cut, hit or kicked while at the same time you don't hit, kick or cut. As the attack comes you handle it expediently using the power of your opponent. (4)

Takeda even stated that the purpose of his art was not to be killed, struck, kicked, and that the person using his art will not strike, kick, or kill. Takeda stated his art was completely for self-defense. Finally, Takeda stated that his art handled attacker's quickly by using their own power from their own aggression. This sounds a lot like what other people say about aikido using the attacker's energy against themselves.

Next, look at what Kodo Horikawa wrote:

Yawara (jujutsu techniques) which are peculiar to Japan have been transmitted for more than a thousand years. The basis of these techniques is called the "theory of yawara". In this system you adapt your movements to those of your opponent when he comes to attack you using force and you control him and defeat him using his power. Especially in the techniques of Aiki, there are techniques for all parts of the bodies including the hands, legs, shoulders and chest. With these techniques you can freely defeat your opponent in a thousand different ways by utilizing his power, taking away his power or attacking him on his unguarded side. You adapt yourself to the circumstances. These techniques are comprehensive in nature where you take quick measures suited to the occasion." Further, Horikawa Sensei explains that in Daito-ryu, "you don't cut your opponent nor are you cut by him, you don't strike him nor are you struck by him, you don't kick him nor are you kicked by him". These words not only represent the essence of Daito-ryu but also the beliefs and life view of Kodo Horikawa. (5)

"Adapt your movements to those of your opponent" is just like blending in aikido. "Defeat him using his power" is just like aikido's use of the attacker's energy against himself/herself. "Defeat your opponent in a thousand different ways" is the same as Ueshiba stating there are thousands of techniques. Lastly, don't strike your opponent is the same as the no attacks in aikido mantra. Even Ueshiba finds similar attributes as noted here:

Ueshiba: What I am talking about is a system of harmony through spiritual actions. Japanese budo is based on "masakatsu" (correct victory) and no one fights or cuts people. Those who send their opponents flying have a policy of aggression. That kind of act hampers the actions of the person. In Aikido we never hit the sword of the opponent. All we have to do is raise his two fingers and help him. (6)

Yoshihisa Ishibashi, of Daito ryu, also talks about similar concepts:

Aiki is expressed in simple terms is a general name for various techniques which contain "shinpo" (mental dimension), "giho" (technical dimension) and "kokyuho" (breathing dimension) which are used to instantaneously incapacitate the offensive or defensive power of an opponent and draw him into one's own rhythm. It is something profound which cannot be expressed in a word. (7)

Katsuyuki Kondo thinks that Daito ryu and aikido are very similar.

I don't think there is any difference. In Daito-ryu too practice begins and ends with courtesy. And its final goal is the spirit of love and harmony. (8)

Regarding Yukiyoshi Sagawa:

Kiyokazu Maebayashi (about Sagawa) wrote: When I am on the receiving end of one of Sagawa Sensei's techniques, I don't feel any power from the point at which we are connected, but I feel an energy which penetrates my whole body to affect my center and break my balance. Because my body does not sense Sensei's intention, it is unable to respond to his power and thus unable to resist it. (9)

That is the very essence of being connected in aikido, and also it shows the concept of no resistance in aikido. Just as Sagawa improvised, changed, and modified what he had learned from Takeda, so did Ueshiba.
Sagawa had several sayings posted in his dojo. Some of these sayings stated things like: aiki is equivalent to cultivating humanity, universal harmony is aiki, the way of aiki is natural, the harmony of aiki is the basis of world peace, and using aiki in an attack creates a state of harmony. (10)
What then is the difference between Ueshiba and Sagawa? Both of their interests were martial and spiritual. Ueshiba did Daito ryu aiki throughout his life in his own personal spiritual manner. It would seem Sagawa did, too, just not as publicly or as overwhelmingly.
It would seem that Ueshiba's aikido is Daito ryu. If Takeda, Ueshiba, Sagawa, Kodo, etc are all defined by "aiki", then their art can be defined as aikido. Synonymous because the basis of both Ueshiba's aikido and Daito ryu is the body skill of aiki.

1. http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15096
   
2. Black Belt 1984 Vol 22 No 10
   
3. Aiki News Issue 087
   
4. Aiki News Issue 068
   
5. Aiki News Issue 073
   
6. Aiki News Issue 075
   
7. Aiki News Issue 078
   
8. Aiki News Issue 079
   
9. Aiki News Issue 084
   
10. Transparent Power by Kimura