Shore-ing Up Sides
What kind of a name is this episode? Stupid title. It does give us a clue that this episode will show the demise of friendships and that the cast takes sides. They split up! The casts of NJ are all doing interviews online and on TV. Don't look online or any entertainment news on TV if you don't want to know who switches sides and all of that. I know who switches sides, but I will dance around the subject in the recap. But I will talk about it in the comment section. I doubt anyone cares if it's spoiled, but you never know. We got a long season ahead. Please! I hope the arguing isn't as bad as last year!
The cast is still down at the Shore. It looks beautiful and also fun! Of course, they are still divided. Jen and Bill A is with Dolores and Paul. Teresa and Louie went home because Gabriella is leaving for college. Rachel and John are with Adult Jen Fessler and her husband Jeff along with Danielle and Nate. Melissa and Joe are with Marge and her Joe--he really loves her, he's rubbing her feet, very clingy. I would hate it! But that's just me. Most women love to be pampered. Not me.
John asks Adult Jen F about the party the night before. He secretly wants to know why she is hanging around with the enemy, Teresa. Jen states that she never had a problem with Teresa, Rachel looks at her with daggers, she is mad as hell. She states in her talking head that Adult Jen couldn't stand Teresa and that now that Adult Jen has jumped ship, Rachel is done with her. She is very hurt and called Adult Jen F stupid.
Dolores asks Jen A what is going on between Melissa and her. Jen says she is not feeling her and is not a chump. Melissa tells Marge that Jen A spread rumors, so she is not happy with her. The bad feelings is mutual between these two women...
Melissa is throwing a Birthday Party for Joe. It's going to be an Italian theme party. She and Marge discuss what to do about Jen A because she might feel like the lone enemy there without Teresa. Melissa thinks she and Bull should attend. So, with that, Joe Gorga calls Bill and extends an invitation to him and his wife. Bill tells him thank you, but his wife Jen is still not in a good place with Melissa. Jen is not having it. She is still hurt from last year and thinks Joe's invite was not sincere. She is glad that Bill finally stood up for her. She says they are a team from now on. He will stand up for her or he will feel her wrath! Bill just smiles at her no matter what she says. Why is he always smiling?!
Teresa and all her girls are packing up for Gabriella. Gia is crying, all the girls are crying. Gia tells Gabriella that she is so proud of her for getting into the University of Michigan. It's a very had college to get into. Teresa is also crying. Teresa ex, Joe Guidice calls. Teresa can't look at him or she will cry. He tells them all this is a good thing. Louie comes in and tries to cheer them up too. Joe can't afford college, so Teresa and Louie are paying. I doubt Louie is paying, but Producers put Teresa on the spot and asked her if Louie is also paying. Of course she is going to say yes. Pretty sure only Teresa is paying. I saw a preview that Louie went through all of Teresa's money. So, there's that.
Teresa and Louie go outside. She tells him she is in her love bubble with him and no matter what happened at the party or with their enemies she has his love. What does enemies have to do with their love bubble? They are holding hands, clinging to each other while they bring up John Fuda, they rip him apart. Louie called him ugly and a loser. Louie you're no prize in the looks either so no room to talk. Teresa tells him he handled it with grace with John and she is sorry he has to deal with this. He says the same to her, she doesn't deserve any of this. I feel so bad what these two have to put up with. Not! Louie handled it with grace! What the... such an odd thing to say. Louie wrote on Instagram that Teresa has so much grace. I would not describe these two with the word grace.
Joe Gorga's party starts. It looks like fun. The men were doing shots on a blow-up doll's ass that John brought. Ass shots are not my style of fun, but to each their own.
Rachel is complaining about Adult Jen F's betrayal and Marge is talking about Jen A. Marge thinks Jen A should have shown up. Why? I wouldn't if I was her. Rachel agrees with me and says she wouldn't have shown up either.
Back home Teresa throws a going away dinner party for Gabriella at a restaurant. Louie's boys are there along with her daughters. It's a nice family scene. They all reminisce and have a nice time together. Cheers Gabriella! I hope she succeeds in whatever career that she decides to do. I am sure she will.
Back at the party John and Paul joke around with the other men and make up. Oh, and Frank is there. I thought he was off the show for good. He tells Joe that he misses him and that he is Starchy to his Hutch. What?!! Oh, and Frankie Jr. Isn't in Dolores' background family tagline. It's Paul and her daughter. Maybe Frank Jr. had enough of the show.
Marge, Rachel and Adult Jen F sit down. Marge is going to get her. She asks her about Teresa and Louie. Marge is going on and on about it, she is annoyed. Jackie sits down and takes Adult F's side. Marge and Rachel are not having it. Marge tells Adult Jen that she doesn't understand what she is doing, she hated them. Adult Jen is not budging, she now loves Teresa and will be friends with whoever she wants. Rache; starts crying about all of this. Adult Jen feels bad for Rachel, but she loves Teresa now! Rachel feels very betrayed, and Marge is not having what Adult Jen A is putting down. This is messy. Jen F told Marge she is not Marge's soldier, and she will do what she wants and be friends with who she wants. There is a lot of arguing going on and I am sure it will continue. Jackie is comforting Adult Jen and Marge and Rachel are talking about Jen F to Danielle, Rachel is still crying. The betrayal is real. Danielle agrees with Rachel and Marge--she says Adult Jen F isn't loyal and should never do that to her best friends.
Adult Jen F is trying with all her might to tell everyone that she is the best friend anyone could ever have! I don't know about that. What do you all think? Is Jen F a traitor or is Marge and Rachel being unreasonable? If someone does me harm and spread rumors about me. I wouldn't be too fond if my friend befriended that person who she knew for a minute and said she disliked. It's hurtful to do that to a longtime friend who you trusted. That's my take on this.
Oh yeah, and Joe Gorga gets a nice big Italian cannoli cake! Besides the arguing, there were a lot of people there having a lot of fun. Everyone wished him a Happy Birthday and it ended on a happy scene with the delicious cake! Who doesn't love cake?
To Be Continued...

(Warning long read ahead)
Hi! For the sake of privacy I won't refer to anyone in my story by there real names I will go by these fake names I'll use. Anyways let's begin.....
So I recently got over a rough break up with my ex and in order to move on I downloaded the dating app Tinder. I swiped right on a couple of people but I ended up meeting this really sweet guy named Sasuke. He was super sweet and he helped me out with my situation that I was in. He saw that I was in a rough spot so he offered his home to me so that way I can bounce back and be able to grab my own apartment again after my ex destroyed my credit with a derogatory mark. So after meeting him on February 16th and only knowing him for like 3 days I moved in. Best sleep I had in a while right. After like the 5th or 6th day I decided to have the sexy time with Sasuke. It was good but I feel like I moved to fast on doing it with him but it's too late for regrets now.
So during that first week he was showing me affection. Giving me hugs and he gave me a kiss before I went to work at my job. After the sexy time happened I noticed he beginned to change... He would say that affection is based on actions and saying I love you to you isn't really a true way to show ones love for one another. I was like cool so how do you show affection to another person and he was like its based on actions and what you do for a person. Again he's not completely wrong but the problem with that way of thinking came out way later...
After a month of dating which he took me downtown Atlanta and I was always allowed to ride with him he says that I was his girlfriend. I was surprised because he never gave me a title until now and it took me off guard but I was happy that he called me his girlfriend. We dated each other for like 2 months and we did have our arguments along the way. When I wanted a hug or a kiss he would shove me off of him. If I said a opinion he didn't like he was quick to punch me in my arm or slap my thigh or whatever the case maybe. He says love is based on actions right so I told him having a hug or kiss is a action so why couldn't he do it??
He always says that I force my trauma onto him but I never had any real trauma happen to me??? He would always tell me fuck my feelings when we argue and that he has all of this bad stuff that happens to him (Ex: physical abuse or being stabbed ect don't wanna name all the trauma) so why do I feel entitled as a woman to complain and say he hurted my feelings when he had all these things happened to him and you don't see him crying about it. He was basically telling me to suck it up and deal with it on my own because it's not his responsibility to cuddle me which I'm not asking for I'm just asking for him to CARE a little about my feelings.
I often would ask him why did you open your house up to me if you felt uncomfortable with someone staying with you??? Because you could have just left me alone at my friend's house. He would always say oh I felt bad I felt like you needed the help which btw he constantly throws in my face that I never took advantage of his kind gesture because I didn't have to pay anything to stay here I just needed to work on myself and get me another apartment again.
At this point the arguments intensified because he never showed me affection and he always shoved me away from him and I felt lonely... I always wondered why his girlfriends cheated on him and why the other two dumped him but maybe that's the reason why because the lack of affection?? Regardless he always says fuck my feelings and never seem to cared about them. When it was his birthday and I bought him a crap ton of balloons and cake he was like I told you I don't like that shit so why did you do it??? He never once said thank you for what I did btw until I asked him about it later.
We argued again yesterday and apparently it was enough to warrant him dumping me because I was too soft and sensitive and he doesn't have time to cuddle me which I'm not asking for again I'm just asking him to CARE A LITTLE. He looked me dead in my face and said that all people inherit violent tendencies. He said if he threw his mom down a flight of stairs imagine what I could do to you and he looked me seriously in my eyes when he said that. I feel like he was mentally and verbally abusive but physical I'm not sure because we wrestled and play fight but sometimes he would hit me in the face or shove me through a room ECT and never apologized for it because he says he always warns me about the consequences of us play fighting.
But overall I was just trying to see if this is worth me saving?? Should I try to make amends and continue to date him or should I run for the hills like my friends are telling me?? He did threaten to beat me way worse then his mom so that is a red flag and when I got up this morning I looked to my left and saw a whole bunch of woman on his phone which might explain why he doesn't want to work it out with me because he was cheating which I may be reaching on. When I tried to dump him in that first month because we were two different people with showing ways of affection he told me to try and work it out and don't give up on us and when I tried to apply that same logic to the situation he just said he couldn't do it anymore in order to protect his money and not go to jail for beating me he said it was necessary. So should I stay or should I go?
(If you have any questions I'll answer them in the comments this is getting long lol)

I think it's hilarious how on the one hand, Guerilla is like a lot of video game companies: they recognize they're missing out on a huge potential consumer base of women and POC, so they do what they can to appeal beyond white dudes. Fair enough. However, they undermine that appeal by having a rather cringe depiction of tribal life. I don't give a shit about idpol, I think it's a kind of failed politics. But I used to get such second-hand embarrassment for how they depicted the Nora. It's like they consulted with a focus group of yoni-worshipping crystal lickers and deluded old Haight & Ashbury burnouts, by asking "what do you imagine when you think of what life in a real tribe must be like?" Even so, it's become one of my favorite series of games. No hate, not offended by it, but it just shows that they could have probably been more imaginative in this respect, and that their political commitments are really just economic ones, which shouldn't surprise anyone.

UPDATE: reordered the list a bit for better overview. Fixed issues will now appear at the bottom of a specific list for better readability.
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We are a Fan subreddit, and not run by Blizzard, but the devs and CM's are frequently reading feedback from all sources, including reddit.
Many people come here to give feedback, which is welcome, but since some of the feedback is given very frequently, we compile this frequently given/posted feedback / requests / suggestions from players on specific issues in this weekly updated and reoccurring thread here to not bloat up the subreddit and people feed with it.
We will redirect most new threads about issues / feedback that are about below listed topics, to this weekly thread, to keep the subreddit better readable, while also keeping these issues highlighted as things the community is concerned about.
The list of these issues / topics is posted below and will be adjusted (when necessary) every week.
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Things that have been fixed or otherwise solves or addressed will be crossed out like this.
This also proved a good overview of which issues have already been adderesed / fixed / etc.
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--- List of Feedback / Requests / Complaints that are frequently posted on the subreddit ---
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UI

• fix Typos in Item Tooltips and Text Boxes
• more than 100% completion in the Codex (or similar things) being displayed
• Requirements not met on Paragon Nodes
• Pathfinding Issues on the Map
• an Overlay Map (similar to Diablo 2)
• improved Chat / more QoL Features for Chat [solution suggested by a redditor]
• option to hide UI
• additional infos displayed on Clan Members and Friends
• an UI Indicator for when Resource XYZ is above ## (based on certain effects, e.g. from Passives or Aspects)
• INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): additional Visual Indicators for Uniques and Legendaries aside from the Color (e.g. a Star on the Item Image for Uniques) - Lategame Items with Greater Affixes now have Roman Numerals behind them as a Visual Indicator
• INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): Lootfilter and/or Salvage Filter - Rare Items now only drop with up to 2 Affixes, while Legendaries drop with 3 Affixes + Items with Greater Affixes on them have Roman Numerals behind them)
• Add search to titles / Aspects / etc (added in Season 4 Patch to the New Codex System)
• a regular, consistent Order in which the Affixes on Item Tooltips are appearing / being displayed
• option to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'
• separate Gem Tab (instead of gems, Gem Shard will drop now, which are a Crafitng Material from which you can craft gems. These Gem Shards will be stored in the Crafting Materials Tab) [alternative solution suggested by a redditor]
• fix the issue of flickering item tooltips when comparing items

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Stash

• A few Private Stash Tabs for each Character (in addition to the Shared Stash Tabs)
• Move all Aspects into the Codex to free up space in the Inventory and the Stash (Season 4 Patch)
• Search Function in the Stash
• Additional 'Sort Functions' in the Stash and Inventory, e.g.: HighestLowest Item Level, WhiteMagicRareLegendary... within the same Weapon/Armor Piece, etc
• Sort Function should group same Aspects together

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Items

• additional Affixes for the 'Razorplate' Unique Chest Armor (people often think its bugged)
• an improved Icon for Affixes that were re-rolled / enchanted, so that it better stands out
• partially / indirectly addressed: Gems are not worth picking up anymore at a certain point EDIT: partially/indirectly addressed - has been somewhat addressed but not fixed by Gem Fragments now being picked up automatically)
• Gems not being interesting enough (Season 4 Patch with the Large Itemization Overhaul made the Bonuses on Gems less conditional, replaced a few Bonuses with others, and added Main Stat)
• Ancient Rare Items should not roll with only 3 Affixes (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul, Rare Items)
• certain Affixes should not spawn as Normal Affixes on Items, but instead only on Passive Skills, Magic & Rare Paragon Nodes, or as a 5'th or 6'th Bonus Affixes on Uniques (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)
• too many different forms of '#% Damage Increased Affixes' on Items /// less of these Affixes overall /// move many of these Affixes to Paragon / Passives / Uniques /// only up to # of these should roll on a single item [Large Discussion about this on the subreddit] (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)
• Below-Sacred Items should no longer in WT3 once a certain Character Level has been reached + Below-Sacred Items should not drop in WT4 at all
• The amount of Sacred Items in WT4, should reduce the higher your Character Level gets.
• (increased) Minimum Item Power on higher Character Levels
• higher drop chance for Uber Uniques (one of the reasons people give is that these items are often not just powerful, but also build defining, and hence should be obtainable in a season + "real Grail Items" should be "less mandatory")

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Legendary Aspects

• relocating some Legendary Aspects to the Skill Tree (as Passive Skills or Skill-specific Upgrades) and/or the Paragon Board (as Magic, Rare and/or Legendary Passives)
• Legendary Codex Aspects should be able to be upgraded over time (b/c it feels bad to hold on to good ones long periods of time) (Season 4 Patch)
• other Legendary Powers (that currently are not obtainable via Dungeons) should appear in the Codex once salvaged. (Season 4 Patch)
• some/many of the mid- and late game Legendary Aspects should appear in the Codex, once the Item / Aspects has been salvaged / found / extracted (Season 4 Patch)
• Resource Aspects (like the Aspect of Concentration, etc.) should occur more frequently (addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)
• certain Aspects should occur more frequently in general (addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)
• Sort Function in Stash should group same Aspects together

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Artisans and Crafting

• Duplicate Affixes should not appear when Enchanting /// or +1 additional Roll when Enchanting.
• Increased Movement Speed in town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans)
• ​
• Salvaging "Glacial Fissure" Sigil should show a warning and could refund some materials
• "Salvage Filter", aka an option at the Blacksmith to salvage items that do not met individually assigned conditions (like 'Salvage all Items below Item Power ###' - where ### stands for a number the players can select themselves, and other conditions)
• some people want to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
• Artisans, Vendors, Stash, Wardrobe, Townportal, Waypoint, Purveyors of Curiosities, etc should be closer together in towns (suggestion / illustration by a redditor) (Purveyors of Curiosities have been moved closer to other vendors and more Stashes have been added in each town) (plus, in the Season 4 Patch, all Artisans are now closer to the Waypoint / Town Portal)...
• Hair Color / Style should be able to be changed in the Wardrobe
• Enchanting Costs too high / Cap Enchanting Cost / slower ramp-up of re-crafting costs (Season 4 Patch improved this)
• list Elixiers in their own group (e.g. compile Weak Iron Bark, Strong Iron Bark, Heavy Iron Bark Elixir, etc into their own Drop Down Menu)
• a 'Sell All Button' / 'Sell All below-Sacred Items' / 'Sell All non-Ancestral Items Button' (with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)
• option to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'
• option to 'Salvage all below-Sacred Items' + an option to 'Salvage all non-Ancestral Items' (with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)

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Balance (Combat)

• Skeletal Ballistas targeting Players from Off-Screen / dealing too much damage
• "fix" One-Shot-Mechanics
• Increased Base Movement Speed (at higher Character Levels / at Level 100 / +#% all ## Level)
• 2 Evade Charges from Level 1 (or at higher levels / or 2 from the start and +1 all ## Level)
• rework the Suppressor Elite Affix (is reworked: now no longer is active permanently on an Elites and also drops when the Elite is Hard CC'ed)
• Limit / reduce CC in higher dungeon difficulties (lets see how this will turn out)

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Mount

• additional Charges for the Mount (at higher Character Levels, as rewards, etc)
• let us use Mount Charges in Town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans, etc)
• reduced Mount / Dismount Cooldowns
• Faster Mount / longer Spur
• Improve Mount Maneuverability / Smoothness / getting stuck on minor obstacles
• Mount should break through Barricades

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Leveling / Campaign / Dungeons / Endgame / Uberbosses

• Event Tracker List / UI
• let us fight Campaign Bosses again outside of the Campaign (maybe as additional Uberbosses or Worldbosses)
• fix the bug of Enemies spawning behind closed doors / gates, which prevents to open the gate in the first place
• immediately port us into a Nightmare Dungeon directly after a Nightmare Sigil has been activated
• make Nightmare Dungeon Icons easier to see / easier to re-find on the map
• endgame tree of whispers quests
• increased Drop Rates for Summoning Materials (to summon Uber Duriel, etc) - (some even suggest that Uber Duriel should not require any materials to summon, b/c you still have to fight him to have a small chance to get a Uber Unique)
• Uber Lilith boss fight should be improved, the attacks should be better visible and visually line up.
• some people suggest that Uber Duriel should be harder, while at the same time also drop more rewarding items or drop Uber Uniques more frequently.
• some people suggest that Items dropped by Uber Duriel should always have maxed Affixes
• increased Mob Density during Helltides (Season 4 Patch)
• partially / indirectly addressed some people request Cinders to 1) be account wide, 2) have no Cinder Penalty on death, and 3) persist to next Helltide... EDIT: has been partially/indirectly addressed by increasing the frequency of Helltides, but some people reported that this is not enough
• some players suggest / request to no longer hide Helltide Chest Icon on the Map, because it just redirects player traffic to 3'rd party websites (additional update in Patch 1.3.0: icons for Helltide Chest of Mysteries and Living Steel Chest have been updated to make them more visually distinctive from the other chest icons)
• increased frequency of Helltides
• more XP / Rewards for Side Quests / Whispers / Overworld Events / Helltides / PvP
• Better Notifications (in Chat and or "Popup Notifications") for Worldbosses, Legion Events, etc.
• let us teleport directly into a Nightmare Dungeon
• "something to do" in the Endgame aside from Uber-Lilith (e.g. additional Uberbosses, Uber Events, Uber Challenges, etc) (lets see how this will work once implemented)
• Uber Lilith should have a (noticeable) increased Chance to drop Uber Uniques (Uber Bosses will now have higher chances for Uber Uniques)

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Season Specific

• Minor Bug: Season 2 Materials are still dropping in Season 3
• Season 3 (partially addressed, but overall noticeably improved) - requests for improving the Season Mechanics, Traps, Rewards, the Companion, etc - has been quickly addressed via numerous adjustments
• (Season 2 issue) fix the issue where Potent Blood is dropping within a fountain, making it impossible picking it up

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Technical & Bugs

• general request: reduce Lag / Stutter
• keep an instance of a Nightmare Dungeon open for ~5 minutes after disconnect
• bug of characters getting stuck / floating in various ways under certain conditions
• the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option) (Season 4 Patch)
• fix the GPU Memory Leak Issue
• improvements and Bug Fixes to Living Steel Chests (many users request less Cinders to open them and/or them dropping more Living Steel)

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Other Quality of Life

• Respawn Point in Dungeon closer to the place of death
• the 'Scroll of Amnesia' should be able to be bought from a vendor for a reasonable price. Some additional suggestions: Scroll of Amnesia should be regularly granted when reaching certain levels. One Scroll for Paragon-only, one for Skill Points-only.
• Let us set the Townportal to a City of our choice.
• A way to save (a limited amount of) "Build Loadouts" (similar to D3's Wardrobe, but not as a replacement for D4's Wardrobe, but rather as an addition / extension)
• some ways to get at least smaller amounts of Platinum outside of purchasing something
• some people ask to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
• the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option) (Season 4)
• Nightmare Sigils: put the level of enemies from a Nightmare Dungeon on the Nightmare Sigil (in Patch 1.3.x)
• improvements for Gold Trading on Console (in Patch 1.3.0)
• WASD Movement (in Patch 1.3.0)
• Option to Refund All Paragon / a single board as a whole
• allow to disable Combat Text

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Other

• some form of ingame Looking for Group Feature [suggestion by a redditor]
• additional gender-specific Transmogs (especially for Male Sorcerer)
• additional Hairstlyes
• Event Tracker List / UI
• Training Dummy - Training Dummy is there now, but some people also desire a DPS Meter on the Dummy
• Renown Rework (for Seasons) / let 100% of Renown carry over to Season

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Recent additions to the list

• updated for Season 4 Patch, which included the Large Itemization Overhaul (Codex Update, all Aspects in the Codex, Tempering, Masterworking, Increased Camera Zoom, Helltide Updates, new Artisan Placements, adjusted Gem Bonuses, etc)

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Tell us in the comments and discuss with other about which topics you think should be on this list to be highlighted, and why!
That helps us to update the list for next week.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose

Any update to this?

OOP

I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.

Final Update May 11, 2024
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but I’ve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. I’m going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as “side characters”. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so “all we had to focus on is roleplaying”. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, “See! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!” But I’m just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didn’t pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirate’s roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasn’t letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasn’t what their ancestors would want. I’m sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion roll… and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesn’t change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, “Hey, we’re old now, being up past midnight isn’t as easy as it used to.” To which Colorado replies, “I just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.” The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why we’re not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and I’m tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short “That was awkward” conversation. I don’t know Soldier well so I didn’t say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldur’s Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if I’ve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises I’ll have more freedom next time. I wouldn’t understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him I’m not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought I’d say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if I’ll still make his maps and character art even if I don’t play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Colorado’s mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. I’m not his Giving Tree and I shouldn’t be left a stump for a campaign where he doesn’t even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didn’t feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious

Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.

OOP

Yeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is SO long and rambly, I'm reading it over and I already dislike it, I think I'm very superficial in this. But if you want to, I'd luv if you'd skim it or read the end questions to see if you have any answers.
He's just a friend. We met online when I was 17 and he was 16 and we were just friends for the next four years but then all of a sudden last year I got a crush on him out of nowhere and it just progressed into this Thing, this devotion. I used to care a normal amount and we would have meaningful conversations and it just worked. And then when he became my favorite person, it turned into torture. When he talked to me it was euphoria, but when he didn't respond I would sob and cut myself. He's the only thing I think about, every day I have conversations with him in my head just to feel comforted. He's a good friend and he has said he cares about me in the past but I feel him gradually getting farther and farther away because his band is taking off and he's getting more friends and confidence and awareness and wisdom and I'm not growing at all. I can't. He sees that. He's repulsed by my depression, even though when I met him he was severely depressed, and he seems to dislike me and the worst part is that I told him I liked him last summer and he asked me to send him pictures of myself naked. And I did it and I felt so happy and I kept doing it over and over again whenever he asked, even though I knew he didn't care about me. He even said so. I asked how he felt about me liking him and he said he didn't feel anything at all and he didn't care either way. And then last month, we hooked up, and I was so nervous and excited, I felt like I was on coke, and it was good and I felt happy. But he has other options and opportunities, and things that make him happy, and my main thing is him. I need to pull myself out of the mud and let him go, because he's onto better things. And I need to fill my life with projects and things that I'm passionate about, and I know that, but all I want is him. It stings that he has so many friends, because I get jealous of people that have friends. I used to have a whole network of friends that I loved very very much, and then I went through psychosis and became the crazy girl and everyone disowned me. And I noticed that some of his new friends are in the same group as the people who disowned me. All I can think about is him befriending them and leaving me behind. The ones who think I'm a total freak loser. And the thing is those people label themselves as freaks, they're alt and different and outcasts and I don't even fit in with them, I'm stiff and depressed and awkward now and nothing like how I was and I don't know if I can ever be that person again. I feel like a total loser, I feel like I'm totally broken and I don't have a chance of ever talking to him again. And I know he's said he gets worried about me, which might mean he cares, he said that right before we hooked up last month, but it just seems like he's on his way out and I have to be strong and say goodbye and all I want to do is text him but I don't know what I would say or if it would bother him, and I'm trying to figure out with online tarot cards how he sees me and they all show me images of people that look repulsive. And I don't know if it's all in my head or if I'm picking up on something real, I feel a burning sensation every time I see his success because that means that he'll just see me as more and more lame and worthless. And I don't even know if he's the type of person that thinks of people that way, but I'm afraid he is. It''s likely he is. I long to talk to him and I don't even know why him exactly, it's just this feeling and it's all consuming, it feels so empty thinking about not talking to him and I think it will feel better once I just rip the bandaid off and start doing things for myself but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I will keep telling myself that I am strong. But so many times I said I'm done with him and I'm focusing on my self worth, and then it's like a total riptide back to him. I'm so sad and I wish i could cry more about it but I just feel a burning sensation in my solar plexus like always now. I think that's where I store my sadness, but I don't know. What do I do when I don't even know reality, I don't even know what he thinks of me, or if he's done with me, or if he doesn't even have an opinion of me that much. It seems like it would be so easy for him to lose contact with me and not care, he has so many opportunities and options, he's like a kid in a candy shop and I'm like a kid who's starving and just found a lollipop. I'm gonna cling onto that lollipop for as long as possible and I'm not gonna let it go, and I'm trying to eat the stick to get the same feeling I got when I first started it. The world feels empty without him, and he doesn't feel the same way. It's like a dagger in my gut. I don't know what reality is, I don't know if we're fine or if he's put off by me, and I only get to surface from this dark pond once in a while and see that it doesn't matter, before I get pulled back in.
TL;DR What do I do so I don't go crazy being inexplicably tethered to someone who I think feels nothing for me if not repulsion? Should I just text him, because nothing concrete has happened at all between us, other than him leaving me on read a couple times? How do you guys deal with saying goodbye to your FP and what do you do to cope with it? I'm going back and forth between he's fine with me and he's repulsed by me, do you have any coping skills for this? Or coping skills for anything else I mentioned? I feel very vulnerable right now, I have total tunnel vision emotionally right now, and I'm aware I sound superficial but I'm pretty damn scattered rn, anyway I would absolutely love some other bpd ppl to share. Thank u <3

Summer should be fun! The heavy energy’s gotta go. They say their group is very cliquey (we can tell), so let’s start by breaking up the cliques. Add in a bunch of fun, attractive singles and get rid of the tears and bad vibes. Also, I know they’re casting, but I’d love for the newbies to be real friends with at least someone on the cast. It’s exhausting to watch a group of people who clearly don’t like each other and are only there for the cameras. I'll keep supporting and tellin a friend to tell a friend, but I do hope it reaches its full potential.
Are my opinions controversial or do you agree?
STAY

• Noelle: The future of this show. She’s fun, light, and unintentionally funny. The majority of the trip she was the only one acting like they were having a good time. That said, I think Nick was onto something when he ate her up with “I know you wanna be included, but that shit is f’d up.” She should be careful with who & what she aligns herself with and proceed with caution.
  
• Nick: I did not foresee this man becoming one of my favs. He’s kind, multi-dimensional, and hilarious. He seems to be a genuinely good friend to everyone in the house. I wish they were better friends to him. His behavior as a partner left much to be desired, so I see why he and Tasia didn’t work out. That said, I’m interested to see him single, for real this time. If they rebuild the cast around him and his single friends, I’d be open to Alex coming back too.
  
• Jasmine: I liked seeing her stand on her own without Silas. She came in ready to put in the work, didn’t blindly defend past behavior, and demonstrated growth. I want her to return if she commits to showing up authentically and doesn’t try to produce or censor herself. I have a lot of empathy for her. I’ve yet to hear any of them make any claim about her that warrants how they ice her out. At this point I don’t care to see her continue to grovel for their friendship, I’m ready to see her move on and thrive. Low key, she should thank those so called friends of hers bc the more they try to ice her out, the more I like her. They tried to do her like Mariah Huqq on M2M and she dodged their antics. Hopefully she has a good friend in the house next season (maybe Jason?).
  
• Preston: I love that he’s vulnerable, opinionated and full of fun shade and his reactions to the foolishness are my fav. He has everything to become a reality icon, but it will be up to him if he allows his ego to Nene himself. I look at him differently for how quickly he turned on his own line brother & his wife. His newest excuse, per the Carlos King interview, is that he isn’t close with Silas and he was never friends with Jasmine. He said him being in Jasmine and Silas's wedding doesn't mean they were close, because who you put in your wedding isn't necessarily your best friends but people that are responsible. I rewatched S1 and the very first thing he said on the show is how close he and Silas are, but this is the same man that claims to be the most authentic… It seems that since he became besties with Jordan he is too influenced by her biases, because no matter how much mental gymnastics he does to explain his constant negative energy towards Jasmine, It . Doesn’t. Make. Sense. Just say you don’t like her and keep it moving. I feel like the reason he refuses to is because he likes to portray himself as righteous. I don't like how he moves, but I find him compelling enough to give him another chance (without Jordan). Plus, there has to be some conflict and we can’t just throw away everyone who annoys us. Bonus points for Donald being my fav house guest.
  

GO

• Jordan: I initially thought she’d be my favorite, but I was VERY wrong… I rewatched S1 and there wasn’t a single episode in which I enjoyed her more than I didn’t. LITERALLY NOT ONE. She is so freaking negative all the time. She’s incapable of ever admitting she’s wrong and the hostile, disrespectful way she speaks to people stresses me out. She gives others no grace, unless they share a common enemy, but expects all the grace in return. We have now seen 3 seasons of her on TV and all I got is that she seems to be the epitome of misery loves company. I think if she returns she will eventually drag the whole show down with her. Ex- Obviously Summer was going through her own issues in S2, but I firmly believe her and Jordan feeding off of each other’s mean girl energy exasperated her behavior.

• Summer: I’m not down with her getting multiple passes to put hands on people, when Mariah was kicked out for MUCH less. All the housemates agreed to the no contact rule, and I have ZERO desire to watch a show about Black people putting hands on each other. I enjoyed watching her on S1, but now her behavior is exhausting and from her WWHL appearance it seems that almost a year later she still has a lot of healing to do. The Brooke Ashley said that at the premiere party she witnessed Summer go on a rant about how she was gonna quit and not return for S3, so let her. Don’t threaten us with a good time.
  
• Amir: He and Natalie aren’t even unlikable, but fun to watch. To me, they’re just unlikeable. This would be way too long if I address all their problematic and microagressive antics and there are a million posts about that, so I’ll just address the root of it all. It feels like they’re aiming to secure spots on Bravo, but completely missed the mark. The “I’m ignorant to Black culture & history” trope is so tired. For starters, there’s a whole HBCU in Austin. If in ~a decade of adulthood he hasn’t educated himself or entered Black spaces, THAT IS A CHOICE. It says a lot that now that it’s his ticket to being on TV, he’s making a different choice.
  
• His comments on the Positively Uncensored podcast confirmed my feeling of him being disingenuous (for full context go listen). He said after filming S1 he didn’t even care to build friendships with these people until he knew for sure he was going to be a part of the cast for season 2. He said this after spending S1 going on about how they’re now “family” to him. About the negative feedback, he said he’s a “martyr for halfricans.” A martyr??? for halfricans? That is a WILD statement, but he’s repeated versions of this in multiple interviews so it speaks to how he sees himself. I really tried to give him a chance, but it’s always something with him. I truly don’t even care if that’s how this man wants to live his life. I care that Bravo finally gives us a show about young, Black people and this is what we are centering. I would give him SO much grace if he didn’t continue to surround himself by people and establishments that, at best, do not uplift Black people, while he is simultaneously marketing himself as a self-proclaimed “Community Leader” and profiting from his blackness. I don’t think he’s a bad person, I just think he and Natalie absolutely ruin the essence of this particular show.
  

GO, FOR ME, BUT I COULD SEE THEM COMING BACK AND ADDING SOMETHING TO THE SHOW

• Bria: She and Milo are chaotic and can make for great television, but she toes a fine line between being an entertaining, albeit annoying, pot stirrer and being absolutely unbearable. I feel like producers will ask her back for the drama, so if she returns, I hope she’s just a weekend guest to allow for more lightness in the house. Interesting note: according to Preston she is the cast member that most sensors themselves to appeal to viewers and her tantrums are worse off-camera.
  
• Shanice: She had me in the first half, but her behavior is so toxic and she doubles down on it every single time. I also can’t unsee the alleged stalking/harassment evidence, because that was WILD. It’s a shame, because she’s so much fun and may be the only person that shows up completely authentically, for good or bad. That said, Bravo is not the morality police. They’ve kept people with far more problematic behavior, so there’s a good chance they’ll keep her (and Bria) too.
  
• Alex: Grand Rising, you’re probably a nice guy in real life, but boring to watch. You meditate and drink water, we get it. Please namaste off my TV… If they bring in some of his & Nick’s friends, I’d be down to see him return as a guest. After a rewatch, I realized how much more I enjoyed him and his confessionals in S1. I think the change in his attitude in S2 was due to the negative energy Jordan, Summer and crew met him with from jump.
  

PS - These opinions are based on the characters we see on an edited show. I’m not passing judgment on them as human beings.

TLDR; For those with experience living in Boyle Heights what are your pro and cons? Anything you'd share with someone moving to Boyle Heights.
LRYOW (long read at your own will haha); Hey yall thanks ahead for reading and any replies. Probably beating a dead horse and tried to do my due diligence to read older relevant posts but would love any current input from others! Me: - 25+ yrs old - asian queer female - currently living in downtown San Jose
Me and two friends (they are coming from the IE) are looking at a place in Boyle Heights and none of us have lived in LA and are looking for input from others!
We've made a decent list of pros: - proximity to Arts District - proximity to Alhambra/Monterey Park esp for asian food - proximity to Rock Climbing gyms - proximity to some close friends - already have some tickets for shows at the Novo and LA Historic Park and will probably see future shows/events there so the proximity to them is a plus - proximity to hiking trails north of the Altadena area and near - our potential rental itself is perfect (minus parking)
The ones listed are either overly specific or annoyingly generally but just the ones in my head right now. Generally the biggest gain for us is proximity to places to do "outside" activites. Like going out to drink, see shows, nature stuff on the weekends and etc.
The hard part for us is making a cons list. I think we are having a hard time bc we really never have lived anywhere like LA or near LA. So we can't tell how real the con actually is or if it's just our bias (both positive and negative). I feel like San Jose is probably more like Pasadena so not a lot of relevant overlap? Here are some cons that we think are probably close to reality: - classic parking (Our hopes were never high but damn the quick drive around we did over the weekend it definitely looked tough. We have dedicated spots for us but a pro of living out here is sharing the space with our friends.) - safety (It's feels naive to ask but then also feels naive to not ask. My mind set is kinda i just do my thing and you do your thing. And that has worked out so far.) - proximity from walmart (Might be a personal preference but a con nevertheless.)
I'd be happy if there are no other cons! But ofc gotta ask the internet before making any big life decisions. Thanks again yall.

Clearly massive Spoilers for not only Wind, yet all of ASC, as this is more of a review of the current events.
Well! Upon finishing Wind and realizing in horror I'm waiting till NOVEMBER to finish this, and hoping to Starclan I still remember what happened by then, it feels right to just review the Arc as of now anyways.
I'm likely just going character by character, not literal event timelines. I'll review Nightheart, Sunbeam, Frostpaw, Splashtail, and Squirrelstar! Enjoy.

Nightheart.

Oh boy, this Man was the "Rootspring," of ASC. Really got on my nerves with his hypocrisy and shortsightedness at the beginning when he was still Flamepaw. He was always justified in his desire for his own legacy, but he also seemed to have a sense of self importance and expectations he had not earned. However, as he became Nightheart, things began to change.
I'll discuss the NightBeam/SunHeart ship as one right here, I absolutely support it. A healthy, no bullshit relationship of two cats who genuinely just respect and support each other. The amount of sheer willingness and support between these two cats all the way from book one to five is astonishing. Sun and Night both wholeheartedly comfort and aid the other in times of hardship, and both cats straight up made their mind with Clan swapping with no issue or regret. (Within reason, of course.) They are fully dedicated to each other and loyal to their family. They love and believe in each other, even when some parts of their lives go against each other, like Sun's reluctant attachment to Berryheart, who despises Nightheart. Night never brings her down or attacks her for still caring about her mother. That shows true understanding for who she is as a cat. This relationship I believe also played a tremendous role in Nightheart as a character.
Back to him alone, his connection and journey between Frostpaw and Sunbeam molded him into a loyal, courageous, and downright brave motherfucker and I like the Man. He is upfront, generally sensible in his thinking, compassionate, understanding, and humble, even taking responsibility for his younger issues at times. He has quickly turned himself around as a remarkable cat! As such I said, basically like Rootspring for me!

Sunbeam.

The perfect choice for Nightheart for sure. She's a cat caught in the dilemma of old and new family, new hearts and old, struggling to keep both intact, praying that both don't break. She holds herself together amazingly well, and she had the respect for not only Nightheart, but Thunderclan itself, that beyond even standing up to everyone she knew for Nightheart, she also dedicated her loyalty to Thunderclan beyond Nightheart, proving her change of heart was true. She stood firm in adversity such as Cherryfall with more maturity than I'd have shown that sabotaging cat, and most cherishingly, she held out for weeks and more with half the cats in the Clan and herself dreading if Nightheart had abandoned her, yet not for a moment did her trust in him falter, and their bond seemed even stronger when he returned. She quickly made great and honest bonds with Thunderclan cats including Squirrelstar and Nightheart's immediate family that consistently have hung on.
Sunbeam has shown herself brave, cunning, and sensible beyond average reason. She'll selflessly help cats of other Clans, and is the first to volunteer for dangerous quests and keep Nightheart out of mischief, ha! Sunbeam was asked to prove her qualities, and she has done so with great honor. She is one of the few who's loyalty to Thunderclan couldn't be questioned even after sneaking through Windclan territory to help her family, exiled from Shadowclan. She cares for both ends, yet weighs her priorities with care. I look forward to her development and closing arc!

Frostpaw.

Ah, the traumatized Apprentice No. 99938-something. Well, thanks to her good writing, she's proved to be far more than that. Frostpaw embodies a favorite quote of mine, "You wear your convictions well, they suit you."
Frostpaw is steadfast and bloody well resolute in her quest, and that is so astonishing because of how she began. Frostpaw was an innocent, fragile and scared cat at the start. She wanted Peace, yet knew nothing of conflict. By the end, she kept her goal for Peace, even after experiencing the horrors of conflict.
From the day she lay bleeding on the moor, I saw a fire light in her heart that drove her in spite of her many wounds, mental and physical to distant lands. She befriended lost cats, rival Clans, and through it all, her trauma and experiences did not further weaken or shake her resolve, yet seemingly hardened it in bloody iron. That passive, gullible innocent Apprentice matured in a shockingly believable heartbeat. Through meditation, reflection, and accepting of truths most Warriors cannot tolerate, she earned a self respect and wisdom greater than many cats. Yet, through all the strength and firm nature of her new guarded, and stricter soul, she only gained determination and respect for what she lost, aiming to restore Riverclan against any odds.
From a cat with a foolish blind crush, to wisely sparring in a bloody game with the false Leader, she holds her own with terrifyingly skill. I hardly know if she can fight a single Warrior, yet somehow she seems to be more suited to this conflict than any cat yet. Nothing has wavered her for long, and whatever has, seems to further invigorate her resolve.
Frostpaw has dealt with the betrayal of cats she trusted as family. She has had cats die for her, lie for her, and cats be hurt and broken for her. And she took none for granted. Whenever something shakes her confidence and beliefs, she comes right back to shake it twice as hard. My admiration for such a strong cat is immeasurably high! Frostpaw has suffered more pain and loss than any cat to the Arc yet. But, for all she has gained, partnerships and family now from nearly ever Clan, Tiger, Whistle, Night, she is ready to forge herself into a cat unbreakable. A legendary contrast to her origins, and I am stoked to see how it plays out.

Splashtail.

Ah, this bastard. This cat is basically a real Clan Darktail, but he pulls it off well.
The last chapter of Wind seriously put the last few pieces of his personality together for me. And I actually have a sort of hotter take on his behavior than many might have.
I do not believe Splashtail is outright ruthless and cruel "just because." Partially, I believe he suffers from a form of trauma suppression that is making him this way. We see that Curlfeather was the instigator for this, that Splashtail genuinely just wanted Riverclan secure, and swore he could do it better than it had. He respected Reedwhisker, and he seemed initially disturbed by the idea of so much... ill means to secure his own position, yet also a slight insecurity or distain for Curlfeather's own degrading outlook of him. Splashtail is ambitious, yet in his own beliefs, also highly loyal. I honestly got the feeling by the end of Wind, Splashtail basically had crossed the blood red line. He went arguably insane, as the last chapter of Wind actually hints at, likely due to a form of regret, a suppression of trauma of what he did. Basically he keeps doing more chaotic and cruel things similar to an addiction, because the withdrawal would mean facing the truth of what you've done. It's possible a form of guilt or conscious bore away at his sanity until he snapped it himself.
Splashtail seems to have a warped personal truth that he genuinely wants Riverclan to be... Gods. So powerful, it feels he may want that specifically because he has to give himself a valid reason that all this bloodshed and madness must earn Riverclan SOMETHING, or else he's truly mad. It's a form of self hatred that is twisting his morality, and I can see it in every word he makes. After all, in his own words about the blood red line, "If I'm already staining my paws with blood, why stop at one?" With Frostpaw... Harelight... I don't think his mind is his own anymore. His terror and anguish has controlled who he is now. Whatever sense of justice or loyalty he wanted to bring to Riverclan, is now a demented passenger to his new self destruction. I wonder indeed what it will do to him before the end.

Squirrelstar.

I believe... I was damn well right. People told me her actions in ASC were ridiculous and wrong, hypocritical even. And I thought, "Well, what's the context?" And I was RIGHT.
Squirrelstar has quickly become of the best Leaders I have witnessed.
I seriously think the Writing team created a whole new personality type that finally gives Squirrelstar some serious personality, because she operates as Leader in a way I've hardly ever seen.
She is incredibly thorough and devoted.
Squirrelstar has shown a perfect mix of extreme unrelenting authority that commands obedience, and absolute respect and love for her Clan and family that balances it beautifully. In the same sentence, she'll formally scold a cat for doing something logically stupid, yet also reason and level so kindly with them on an unofficially level. With Night, Sun, Tiger, Wasp, Waffle, so many! Her compassion and control are expertly blended and I couldn't be more proud.
Squirrelstar is beyond correct regarding the Riverclan situation. People said it was hypocrisy, because she replaced Bramblestar when he was too "lenient." But that was a different time, and when she became Leader, she understood.
Bramblestar was traumatized. He would've advocated for unconditional peace, whereas Squirrelstar is advocating for absolute peace through resolution, on the condition that Riverclan is willing to make the leap.
Tigerstar is absolutely justified and partially correct about his desire to just fix Riverclan by force, yet Squirrelstar also has great wisdom.
She cautions that forcibly ripping Riverclan's Leader away who they've scratched and clawed after for Moons without them actually consenting to it, would lead to a useless war with most of Riverclan that would cause immense unnecessary bloodshed thay no degree of power could stop. It doesn't matter how many Clans join, if Riverclan chooses to fight for Splashtail, innocent and misguided or not, Riverclan will likely bleed itself dry like a cornered animal, and Squirrelstar understands that remarkably well. Riverclan needs to ensure it has a proper rebellion in wait, so that Splashtail will be alone in his War; to minimize conflict and waste of life.
Yet, for any who still perceive that Squirrelstar is too reserved, she has wisely shown her claws furiously when threatened. She did everything short of literally skinning that Riverclan party who stormed into Thunderclan camp. She did not give a single solitary fuck what they felt or didn't. She outright made it explicitly clear that Splashtail does not scare her, she's only concerned about needless bloodshed. Not a cat afraid of War... but one who knows how to fight one.
Squirrelstar is beyond ready to cut Splashtail into little pieces for the fish. She waits for Riverclan... and as of Wind... I should assume her final decision will be swift.
Her words, her mannerisms, they're so unique to her. I've seen Squirrelstar use words that Warriors has literally never bloody used. I still swear the Writing team is shockingly determined to do her justice, and I eagerly await her future!
That is all for now!

So I understand that this might be my illiteracy showing because I don't read Kannada but I'm curious as to if my observation holds any weight at all! The difference I am noticing does not seem to be tonal -- the searches I've done say that Kannada is not a tonal language. It's more about inflection? there are so many words where (when transcribed to English) the specific emphasis changes the meaning -- so, in my title, it's Kali with the l softly aspirated (I'm not sure about technical terms), k - uh - lee, which means "to learn" I'm pretty sure vs. Kali, which means like female thief, where the tongue curves back on the l? so start with saying the l in the way that you would "love" but move your tongue further back so that it touches your palate towards the end of your mouth. I can't for the life of me think of English word where this kind of L is used tbh -- it's almost like you're flicking your tongue away from the back palate of your mouth? anyway, this one means "thief".
Kali, Kali -- and sure, you could say, oh in Kannada they're probably different letters, but I don't see anything similar in English? Like, saying love with the L pronounced from the beginning of your mouth vs the back -- it just changes the accent, not the meaning. You get what I mean?
I was just wondering if there's a specific term for this feature -- because it's not ubiquitous in Kannada but it shows up enough that even an illiterate idiot like me can kind of do word play jokes? See: Kathe vs Kathe (Story vs Donkey -- K - uh - th (soft th in the way of "thespian" maybe) - ey vs Kuh - th (more force maybe like how "thunder" is pronounced) - ay.
Hope this makes sense? And if you guys have any fun sources, books etc for me to do more reading into the linguistic inquiry of Dravidian languages, I would love that!

There is someone out there reading this waiting for a message from someone that may be drawing my attention towards because of my topics I write about.
I am a former and currently struggling addict. I'm not perfect, I don't try to be someone I am not. I am blunt, honest, alone.... Mostly alone.... A lot!
I am a human being that has stumbled many upon many times..... I'm doing it again not all or all at once, but I did all in my past.
Let me break the ice and list some of my sins and addictions.
watching inappropriate films of all topics.
Fornication
Smoking
Drinking
Gossip
Gluttony
In a nice way to list it without the drama story attached to it. I'm guilty of it all.
Don't give in, even though you messed up today. I did too....
Just socializing, I take a drag of a cigarette and then another and then another....
Well, I just smoked and broke my promise again for the millionthteenth time.... So, I'll just smoke for tonight only......
It's 1am now, but I didn't fall asleep yet, so I can smoke until my day actually ends.
F* it, I'll just buy a pack because I'm already smoked yesterday and broke my promise.
You see my demons there!
Yeah, this is current and I'm ashamed and holding myself accountable. I told my person my struggles and allowed them to share their anger towards me for falling back into my old patterns. I still told them and I am working on myself. I am reminding myself where I was and how long I stopped and how far I've come and to not fall back into hurting my body anymore. To love myself more and not harm it because I am not afraid of dying. I need to stop wanting it to happen to me. I need to accept that my life has a purpose and masking my pain won't stop when I am hiding my emotions for a nicotine buzz when I take a break at work.
That is no excuse to pick up the habit. Let your coworkers do it without you. Don't go back to your old habits. Stop it!
That's my Dad yelling at me. I get him interrupting when I free write.
I want you to see that I struggle everyday. I miss smoking every day. I chose the other options to seek a substance over another. I am just like my father. I have an addictive personality and behavior pattern.
I also see where I need to work on myself and I get back in the game. I don't keep with the habit because I fell out of it for a weekend. My Dad won't shut up.
My father died of lung cancer and he never smoked and he is very upset at me for smoking so I could be with him in heaven. He cried next to me as I cried and I gave up singing. I left choir and I had throat problems when I was a senior in college. I didn't get to sing my recital to my father, he passed away before he saw me graduate.
He doesn't want anyone to give in to their addictions. He wishes he followed his dreams of being a service with God by his side. He gave into alcohol and pills. He sees me talking about him on here. I'm letting you see me for who I am and I am not afraid of how you read my story. This is real. This is me. Deal with it or move on.
Sorry about that side tangent. Suz showed up.
She helps me get my throat chakra open so I can share my feelings and stick up for myself. She is well aware of my past and been warning me ever since.
This is about addiction. This is about letting go.
They show up at the worst times, sorry you guys....
I am here to receive and share my story and I fall apart. I am being tested by my enemy and I am sharing my struggles to show my gratitude for awareness. I am more aware to see where I am falling short and work on nurturing those wounds to avoid the old habits of treating it. My inner child, my 20 year old self showed up and what I did back then was miss my Dad and smoke.
I can never fall too far, my Dad shows up and reminds me to write and he helps me get back on track with the topics I write about. It's him taking over my hands and I just start writing.
It's really cool. I miss him and it's weird how he does this, it took me a few tries after becoming very intoxicated with a substance I don't want to trigger you anymore..... Sorry....
I'm not the only one that has this problem. When some of us become intoxicated, we are more intune with spirits. It's not a psychotic break down. It took me a long time to see why my father kept escaping when he had no reason.
He had good reasons, but I wasn't old enough to understand. Until he passed, we are very close, he shares with me many memories and stories of my family I never knew. He taught me how to talk to my Grandmother through music. He lets me know how to handle my mom. He calms me down when I am having a breakdown and my arms hold my body in a hug. I don't move my body, I let my body move on its own. When I allow this to happen, especially when I drank, I saw my father in my memory hugging me tightly. That was when he taught me how to see and communicate with him.
I got used to wanting to be around him more, I kept trying to find how to bring him back, it only happens on special occasions. I don't get to decide how he wants to show up. He just does and I have to be ready to see his signs and feel every moment to enjoy the experience.
He told me today.
"Knock it off! Go write!"
So, here I am. I was wrong. This journey doesn't let me get away with much anymore. I have a purpose why I chose to stray away from God after I went to college and do this stuff.... My adult self is really mad for smoking and drinking so heavily.....
If you are still young, but feel like you did yourself enough damage you don't see the point in stopping......
Just stop.
There's no plan to it, you just do it. It's gonna suck. That part you got to fix is how you think about it once you stop.
This isn't me talking, this is still my Dad teaching me a lesson to not smoke. Because he died a terrible death and he doesn't want me to go the same way. We are working on forgiving each other in giving into our patterns we learned from our family patterns of raising kids. We all have a story. We all came from some form of trauma.
They want to show me how to stop repeating it. I failed this week. It's been a week, not gonna lie and I enjoyed it, but now, I feel regret. Because I do know better.
I know someone out there wants to be serious and stop, but feel alone without someone to show active encouragement.....
Be my cheerleader too!
I need one so I can stop messing up my clean lungs. I worked hard to get them there. I'm gonna get back on track and stop. I hope you are able to get a hold of your addictions too, Whatever it may be.
I feel a little weird about posting this, but they are double dog daring me to do it.
SO, don't judge, but yeah..... Here it is.... Unedited. All me.... Being weird.
Peace,
Tina

Just left the Ardmore, PA show. To say it was a disappointment is an understatement. (Bucket/close friends of Bucket if you come across this I/we the fans love you and we are sorry).
For real though wtf was this show though? Correct me if I'm wrong/out of the loop. I had absolutely no idea it was going to be like this.
I have been a huge fan of Buckethead most of my young adult life. Going on 20 years a fan. I am honestly ashamed to say I have seen him live only 2 other times, so this was my 3rd time seeing him play.
Buckethead was my first show/concert I saw when I was around 15 or so. Blown away, I even caught a toy action figure when he tossed them out into the crowd, lucky me and my height advantage I was able to catch it from the air. Just absolutely one of the best memories of my life to this day.
Second time seeing him was in Disney Springs I believe in the beginning of 2019. Once again, amazing performance and an amazing time! From the songs, to the on-stage antics, the atmosphere etc. Classic Bucket!
This time on the other hand.... so different..so odd.. I must admit I haven't followed anything Bucket these past 5 years or so (as far as keeping up with any new material/tours) so I have been out of the loop. I saw Buckethead was coming to my neck of the woods and immediately without hesitation purchased the 2-night pass.
I was unaware of this Madeline Miller chick... Wtf did I attend, honestly?
I can only describe it as East Meets West personified as a bar-cover band.
Sure Bucket played some classics, but it was more like I got duped into buying a ticket to her show, and BH was.. just there..
So strange, but suffice to say I will not be attending night 2 of this show, even though I purchased the 2-night ticket... sadly.
BUCKETHEAD YOU ARE STILL LOVED AND I AM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

To give some background, I'm a 24F desi ahmedi wanting to marry a 24M non-ahmedi desi sunni muslim. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago online, and we've met in secrecy many times. We're very committed and want to get married soon, however it has been a real struggle lately.
I'm not super religious and neither is my family. We go to Jalsa every year, go to the masjid once a month, and don't really do namaz or read the quran. Much of what my parents do is for show and not very sincere. However, recently my sister 22F ran away and moved in with her 28M non-ahmedi boyfriend that she's known for less than 6 months.
She has always been closed off from us, very aggressive, narcissistic, and spiteful of me. She used to be "religious" and pushed our family to wear full hijabs and long coats, and last year she had an incident. She was caught doing drugs at school, had pregnancy tests in her bag, and tried to commit a few times. She was going to therapy weekly ever since the first incident, and we've been more considerate about how our actions effect her. She is a pathological liar and blames us for her mistakes, even to her therapist. Her psychology teacher (my old teacher) even talked to us after she was caught doing drugs, describing her as deceitful and a troublesome child.
And about two months ago, my mom caught her sleeping on facetime with her boyfriend. The next morning, she packed her bags and ran away. During the process, my mom told me to stop her and she threatened me and ended up cutting my finger and ran off.
911 was called, an investigation was done, she was jailed for a few days, and I had to get stitches. While the investigation was going on, she claimed that she ran away from an "abusive" household and was living with her "husband". Soon after, the investigatation ended, she was cleared from all charges and my mom and I have been ordered to stay away from her. She has been staying with her boyfriend since.
It is important to note that a few weeks after everything happened, my mom tried to blame me for not being "close" enough with her, when she was very closed off from the beginning. She has tried to blame me many times for her mistakes as well, saying that if I was a better sisterole model or more religious, none of this would have happened. On top of that, she's trying to be more religious and find a rishta for me ASAP.
Luckily, my boyfriend and his parents are very supporting and have been with me through every step of the way, even though we are long distance. We are just conflicted on what to do next. We don't want to have him wait through the whole conversion process or lie to my parents about him not being a real ahmedi because it would cause issues down the line. I will graduate soon and he is starting his career.
I don't want to ruin the relationship I have with my family, or make my second sister live a worse life because of the consequences of my actions. We were thinking to have his parents call mine and try to talk about going through with a potential marriage. Nobody other than a few of my close relatives know about the incidents with my sister.
Are there any suggestions on what we should do next?

When the prison falls, how the hell do these people not have a rendezvous plan? Several of them had already been through the fall of the farm and experienced not knowing where the hell everyone dispersed to. They got lucky everyone (except Andrea) showed up at the same spot.
And now with the prison falling, they’re all scattered and running in separate directions with no plan other than to blindly stumble around for each other. The real kicker is, they had an evacuation plan, so it’s not like they were just so arrogant they thought they’d never have to flee from the prison. Just arrogant enough to think everyone would be together.
If there’s something in the show I’ve missed to explain this please let my dumbass know! I’ve seen it several times, but it has been a few years now, and maybe there’s something I’ve missed this whole time. Or if you have some theory about it, let’s hear it! I just needed to vent about the ridiculousness of it.
On the plus side, there are some phenomenal scenes and episodes with them all on their separate journeys.

im new to Reddit so I apologize if im doing this wrong, i think im asking for advice/opinions.. im 21f and two or three years ago i started hanging out with an old friend again after a few years, it was right after a serious relationship for me so honestly i was just rebounding and having fun with an old friend. Anyways.. after about a month of hanging out everyday with him and his friends, and three hookups later, hes driving me home and says “ive started talking to this one girl recently and id feel bad if we kept seeing each other while I pursued her”. Very understandable, i told him thats no problem, no worries and that were all good. That was the last i heard of him until a year later. 

After about a year, im back together with the ex i was hung up on while rebounding with (well call him jake). Im at the mall with my friend and i get a “hey girly” text from a girl well call sara. Anyways, sara proceededs to say that her and jake were dating and she thinks jake was cheating on her with me, she then said when she found out abt the cheating he cried and said that while he tried to break it off with me, i “screamed and cried” and said “i love you, ill off myself if you leave… that I assaulted him during one of our hookups. I was blown away.

Sara clarifies and assures me she knows the truth and that hes a lying cheating loser and i fill her in on what really happened between us, keep in mind, I know woman can hurt men like that, but the three times we hooked up I was stomach down face down the whole time and it was during a very sickly time in my life, I was under 90lbs. It just wasn’t possible unless i drugged the mf somehow, he was very big… anyways, after that jake tried reaching out to me to hang out again and i literally said “if i assaulted you why would u wanna hang w ur abuser?” And blocked him after that. 

For the next year n half Sara and I aren’t close friends but we are mutuals and frequently interacted via instagram, the typical liking posts and replying to stories… i didnt start noticing anything off about Sara until it was basically too late, essentially it started with a TikTok she reposted on instagram saying something like “when she copy’s you” idk just something along those lines. I cant tell you why i had a feeling it was about me, but i did.. i ignored it and immediately pushed down the idea that she posted that directed towards me, i remember thinking to myself “there’s no way, i mean we’ve had literally no issues lol”.. and i mean her and i are still interacting completely normal still atp.

i cant remember how long after the TikTok repost till the indirect, direct posts, started getting really personal. Things like “the girl they cheat with is always uglier.” But it really started going downhill till i noticed.. no matter what time it is.. 4am..1pm.. she was my first instagram story viewer, without fail, everytime. 

In my head at this point im just thinking like “yk i post a lot, its not weird, maybe she’s just really active like me” during this time im really just trying to avoid the truth which is, that girl isn’t my friend, her and I weren’t close but i hold friends more dear than anything and i always have, she went through something hurtful that i was involved with and although i didnt know she and jake were together i felt i owed her loyalty and at least someone that’ll be real with her.
Now im getting to the main event.. i know.. this is already insane enough. Trust me. Anyways very very soon after i clock it that Sara is always my first viewer, thats when the eerily similar post come up. It started with random little things, and maybe thats why it took me so long to notice but it started with me posting a picture of a bush outside and, im not joking, two minutes later after being my first viewer, posts a SOMEHOW “prettier” (subjectively) bush than i posted. Then id post a selfie in a certain pose and minutes later shed post the same exact thing of herself. By this time ive NOTICED what’s slowly happening but I truly didnt want to believe this shit again im thinking to myself “youre not that bitch, why would someone COPY you” i mean this girl is pretty! Smart! Insane daddy’s money! Why tf would she be pressed over me, at the time i was sick and depressed and lowkey Emo.

the basically blatant copying continued for a few months, i really didnt want to bring it up and it had gotten to a point where i was thinking of this situation pretty often, it made me feel gross and weird and mean, i felt mean thinking she’d copy me. It was horrible. I had gotten Into a new Relationship at this time and i was just ignoring it until one day i lost a picture of a hummingbird and the caption says “omg a hummingbird has never been so close to me” those birds are very important to me they remind me of my grandmas old cottage. NOT EVEN A WHOLE 2 MINUTES GO BY and she posts a video of a hummingbird flying CLOSER to her. 

That was the breaking point for me honestly, i didn’t say anything to her nor post anything bout her, i simply unfollowed her on instagram and that was that, I unfollowed her and refreshed her account 5 seconds later SHE BLOCKED ME. It had all clicked, she was on my account all day. Everyday refreshing my account, always my first viewer, post exact lookalikes to what im postng, purchasing clothes and random things i own. It was all on purpose and she knew what she was doing. But that was that, what’s done was done and i moved on, literally forgot about her existence.
UNTIL THREE MONTHS LATER i get a. Message from one of those fake phone numbers saying “come get ur man girl” and sends a photo of my bf at the time liking a body photo of Sara’s on instagram. Now I wasn’t mad at the obviously photoshopped screenshot, like that shit was fucking stupidly photoshopped the fonts were completely different, i was mad about her HUNG UP on me. I replied saying stuff like youre nothing but a spoiled brat who cries when she doesnt get her way, i said she complains about these things in her life that she causes herself, all the drama she was in and i blindly defend her, somehow she was always in beef with ppl that stalked her and copy’s her an all these People want to be as rich and pretty and smart and funny her and they cant so they hate her, i said you are the evil one and now i see it, you cause these issues and when people defend themselves or disengage with you because of your behavior towards them you blast them on social media painting them as the bag guy because you know people will blindly believe you. I said much more in much better wording but thats basically that.. AND BOY DID SHE NOT LIKE THAT

here begins the relentless posting of me, she’s posted blatant insane lies like im a pedo and a racist,, that i support mass genocide and im a rapist, im a stalker who wants to be her so bad but ill never be as educated and wealthy and ill never have a good job and will be a lifeless loser my whole life. INSANE SHIT LMAOO, i entertained it for a while, shed post lies and id post “un actually here’s what happened” and she’s post my post and cover out the parts she sounds bad and only post the parts where I admittedly went wrong, but like i willl literally admit Where i said sum I shouldn’t have so wtf. 

This cycle goes on for months, she contacts these older girls who previously had beef with me and had them give her all my information so now she’s signing my phone number up for the national guard, my address, my full name and family’s name. She’s actually lost her mind atp, it’s been two years and biweekly she Post about. me, pushing this narrative that im all these things yet has no proof to back up anything, even tho i have timeline proof of my posts then hers, i buy something then she buys it after, saying Vietnamese noses are ugly. Proof of her asking for my information. She has her army of blinded losers constantly stalking me along with her and talking about me, texting me talking all this ignorant shit and ive sat here all by myself just flabbergasted, for the first year it really did get to me, id feel sick, i felt the need to prove to her and her instagram followers that im not who she’s saying i am, and even she herself knows that. I eventually just stopped fighting back, i stopped trying to clear my name and clear the air.. i learned she’s a Narcissist , no matter the response. She’s going to feed off of it, i’ve been nice, i’ve been rude, i’’ve been empathetic, and ive been cruel. nothing stopped her and im afraid nothing but time will.

This started when i was 19 and i’m now 21, i’’ve called the cops but since this is classified as “cyber bullying” there’s no laws and nothing they can do, after learning i called the cops on her she started posting about a case she’s making against me for defamation which is confusing bc i never told a lie, she did. I notice After two years she just projects everything, her deepest insecurities are right there if you look, it’s what she brags, and shows off the most, herself. She has everything, anyone could want and need yet she’s still so Miserable, yet me, broke as fuck, pretty but nothing to brag abt, i don’’t materially have what she has and she thinks because of that i created this whole mess, but ive always been richer,, im happy with myself, im content most days and thats incredible, i have the most beautiful friends who love me. And would die for me, family i adore. I have everything. The great job, the loads of money and gucci purse can fucking wait, thats my even what i want truly, i want to be a mother. there’s much more detail but this post is already so long and draining, i honestly dont know what to say, I haven’t gone on her account in months but ill still hear and see screenshots every now and then of what she says, the most recent one was yesterday and its that i apparently have been calling her little brothers phone, who’s also a minor. Just untrue, honestly sinister, evil shit. Evil person. And i regret befriending her.. 

Hey all, my names Jimmy. I’m from Oklahoma. I’m 26 and have a slim build and kinda look like James Franco if you’re into that. I play a lot of PS5 and am looking for someone to share screens and have a good time with. Maybe eventually meet up if we like each other enough…. I’m a bit shy and a bit outgoing at the same time. Once you get past the shyness I’m pretty darn goofy. you probably are thinking I’m talkin to a bunch of other people but I wouldn’t be here if a single individual person was talking to me. I just want someone to show compassion for and someone to remind me I’m not all alone out here. Anyway I respect space and privacy and am interested in all types of women. Big or small, loud or quiet. I like clingy and I like jealous. Shows me you want my company. Mental health is a particular passion of mine. Don’t think you’re disqualified for anything just shoot me a dm and let’s see how it goes. I’m a decent lookin fella accompanied with openess and honest. My ultimate goal is just to feel love toward someone again who is real to me.

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.

So after my last post about Sheldon I rewatched s1e1 of the Big Bang theory and oh my god Sheldon is so much better.
I was thinking how funny and it would be if he had kept going like this.
For example
In this episode he seem like a regular guy with a few quirks, but he notices that Penny is attractive and says that she's a significant improvement from the guy that lived there before. he makes comments about her using their shower.
Sheldon: It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
Leonard: That's not true. Remember at Thanksgiving my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
Sheldon: Point taken. It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.
He didn’t knock 3 times
I love how he delivers the line "Yeah..." when Penny compliments his whiteboard, downright flirty, with penny. (You like boards? This is my board…)
“Sheldon was a pro at masturbation and the 2 were selling sperm.” So what do you guys do for fun around here? Well today we tried masturbating for money.
when Leonard is sad that he couldn’t get Penny TV back from her ass boyfriend and lost their pants. And cry that he gonna be alone forever. Sheldon comfort Leonard telling him he won’t be alone was so nice and kindhearted (something later episodes of Sheldon is not)
When Penny sit in his “spot” yeah Sheldon ask her nicely to move but soon after it gives in and sits down somewhere else when Leonard nicely asked him to. (Again later Sheldon would whine and cry until he got his way.) also when Penny gets up Sheldon instantly reclaim his spot. Fun and quirky without being annoying.
Overall s1e1 Sheldon is funny and also feels like a real person. He showed empathy to his friends, especially Leonard. He helped Leonard do many things and he showed genuine care about Leonard. He was also quite open to criticism from others.
The writer wrote him into a selfish and careless genius in later seasons. Although the later Sheldon was the Sheldon we are familiar with, I just want to say that the early Sheldon was a really nice guy,
(Also: The episode with Howard fixing the space toilet he also acts like this, he makes jokes, he's helpful, it's real jarring)
I feel like they changed him a bit because then we would’ve had four guys that are basically the same character just with slight tweaks here and there.
But really the ending of episode 1 literally highlights how different they all are. Howards singing to impress penny, raj is silent, and sheldon is giving leonard a sort of backhanded compliment.
I can’t help but imagine if they keep the funny and caring Sheldon that a little quirky

Hello everyone, wanted to share some work on a new medical AI benchmark which LLMs must arrive at a diagnosis through dialogue and sequential decision making.
Website: https://agentclinic.github.io/ Arxiv: https://arxiv.org/pdf/2405.07960
TLDR: AgentClinic turns static medical QA problems into agents in a clinical environment (doctor, patient, medical devices) in order to present a more clinically relevant challenge for medical language models.
Abstract: Diagnosing and managing a patient is a complex, sequential decision making process that requires physicians to obtain information---such as which tests to perform---and to act upon it. Recent advances in artificial intelligence (AI) and large language models (LLMs) promise to profoundly impact clinical care. However, current evaluation schemes overrely on static medical question-answering benchmarks, falling short on interactive decision-making that is required in real-life clinical work. Here, we present AgentClinic: a multimodal benchmark to evaluate LLMs in their ability to operate as agents in simulated clinical environments. In our benchmark, the doctor agent must uncover the patient's diagnosis through dialogue and active data collection. We present two open benchmarks: a multimodal image and dialogue environment, AgentClinic-NEJM, and a dialogue-only environment, AgentClinic-MedQA. Agents in AgentClinic-MedQA are grounded in cases from the US Medical Licensing Exam~(USMLE) and AgentClinic-NEJM are grounded in multimodal New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) case challenges. We embed cognitive and implicit biases both in patient and doctor agents to emulate realistic interactions between biased agents. We find that introducing bias leads to large reductions in diagnostic accuracy of the doctor agents, as well as reduced compliance, confidence, and follow-up consultation willingness in patient agents. Evaluating a suite of state-of-the-art LLMs, we find that several models that excel in benchmarks like MedQA are performing poorly in AgentClinic-MedQA. We find that the LLM used in the patient agent is an important factor for performance in the AgentClinic benchmark. We show that both having limited interactions as well as too many interaction reduces diagnostic accuracy in doctor agents.