the night before my chem paper 1, i was stressing profusely over the exams seeing that my predicted grade was a 9a which isn't good enough for me so i endeavoured to rest my head in order to tranquilise the chaos inside my mind and find some solace. however, overnight, all of my chemistry knowledge had perished; i dreamt it was squandered by a malevolent leprechaun with a macabre, sinister pattern of speech consisting of a strict ABABAB rhyme scheme and trochaic tetrameter signifying his desire for power and avarice for the acquisition of knowledge. my gargantuan intellect slipped through my fingers; I had been Light Yagami before (metaphor; i was not literally the antihero protagonist), with the chemistry knowledge of Walter White and a reputation that truly preceded me as when i walked to school that morning i realised i would be receiving a U despite my overwhelming intellect. destitute, despaired, despondent. if only that machiavellian villian hadn't seized my smarts. i held a vast sea of repressed rage inside of me, and once i opened my paper to a 6 marker on equilibria, i arose from my creaky chair and disenthralled a mighty bellow, tearing my shirt apart with my bare fists like the hulk, and releasing my agonising mental anguish through the form of sound waves in which shook the mortal ground, quaking under my feet in submissive obedience. this caused most of the students in the silent hall to turn to look at me in disbelief, so in a fit of anger i lost my temper and absolutely dashed my desk at the nearest student. (he suffered minor fractures to his skull and a couple bruises but nothing major. not that i could say the same for the desk; alas, it had shattered into fragments.) the students in the hall gasped in shock at the sight of their classmate consummating the role of the catalyst for a catastrophic carnage to emenate (note my alliteration of the fricative "c" amplifying the harshness of the situation). another ear-piercing screech ensued, resounding from the molten iron core of my chest, as I threw myself to the ground in defeat.
now then, any moral person witnessing this incident would clearly relate to my pain and suffering, and would at the very least leave me to grieve the remnants of a drained IQ of 341, but an invigilator chose to approach me and had the AUDACITY to REMOVE me from the hall. i was promptly disqualified and issued several consequences for disrupting the exam. this is clear evidence that examiners do not care for mental health, a stark contrast to the claims held by thousands of them worldwide. it is time to take action. it is time to make a change. it is time to fire every invigilator in the country and beyond; students' feelings shouldn't be invalidated and we have the right to express them in any form necessary, especially during the stressful exam period. i listen to the drone of students chattering as they leave the exam and i think to myself about my perpetual experiences with being dismissed and punished for natural behaviour. i can no longer pursue my lifelong aspiration of becoming a high-school chemistry teacher in Alberquerque, New Mexico because this examiner was unable to CONTROL THEMSELF IN THE EXAM HALL. they didn't even think about how much escorting me out would disturb the hardworking students completing their questions. for this reason you must make a stand against invigilators; join me in my venture to cease this barbaric treatment of well-behaved, well-prepared students such as myself.

Tissue
Polysemous title- Tissue • Tissue- paper + skin (human life is fragile [criticises arrogance, encourages us to protect]) • Also paper (not alive) + skin (alive)- criticises monotony of life, not really living • Tissue paper- found in bibles and holy texts, but fragile (overinflated importance of identity causing wars and discrimination, really it’s very fragile and identity isn’t real, we’re all just people (tissue as in skin)) • Tissue- used to wipe away tears, togetherness can reduce suffering • Tissue- medical term for deep skin- poem shows deeper nature of humans and our potential for goodness, can be wounded and damaged by outside influences but can always heal
"Paper that lets the light shine through, this is what could alter things" - reference to religious texts paper, light as Jesus and Allah (power of religion) - or coexistence with nature (Dharker is a Muslim Calvinist)
Enjambment- freedom, lack of control of humans, rejecting constraints
Free verse- same thing
"Let the daylight break through capitals and monoliths" - power of nature, criticism of authority, weakness of humans- “break” violent personification, destroying authority, daylight + break = sunrise + hope
"The sun shines through their borderlines" - nature overcomes human segregation identity, criticism of war, power of nature) sibilance shows power, “their” still shows separation, criticise that
"fly our lives like paper kites" - childish metaphor, mocking control of money over life (criticism of authority)
"the back of the Koran" - “the” repetition shows importance, “back” shows it is hidden/shunned by society, still holding onto identity
"Transparent" - repetition, criticism of dishonesty of authority
Exposure
"Merciless iced east winds that knive us" - personification of wind shanking people (first line not about war but nature- more significant) (power of nature)- subtle sibilance (just as dangerous as bullets but most people don’t realise)- Germans were in the east, but the only thing from there is wind
ABBAC rhyme, structure is built only to be taken down (tension of soldiers expecting fight but let down)
Pararhyme- unsatisfying for reader, reflects how the soldiers are always nervous but never get to chill
“What are we doing here?” Rhetorical question to criticise authority, or actual question to show PTSD confusion, can be asking what they are DOING or why they are HERE
"For love of God seems dying" ok 1. The soldier's love of God is dying 2. God's love for the soldiers is dying 3. To show love of God, you should die
"forgotten dreams" - juxtaposition, loss of hope, forgotten dreams on purpose to be less sad? war made them forget? “forgotten” disassociated from PTSD, “dreams” as happiness from the past that seems unreal
“a dull rumour of some other war" reference to the Bible and Armageddon, metaphorical end of the world for the soldiers be suffering "sudden successive flights of bullets streak the silence" - sibilance represents sound of bullets, jolting reader out of relative lack of noises, feel like soldiers
Epistrophe "but nothing happens" cyclical structure, stuck in suffering
“we” “us” “our” collective pronouns, shared experience, comradeship, loss of identity, relatable to all soldiers
Kamikaze
Title- single word, only military rank- only seen as a kamikaze pilot by others
Structure- 6 lines per stanza but free verse and lots of enjambment- conflict between control and freedom (military/social expectations/duty vs love for family/nature/memories/life)
Constant shifts between first person and third person- disconnect from family due to shame
“Her father embarked at sunrise” -sunrise as power of nature + Japan’s military flag- conflict
“a shaven head full of powerful incantations” -incantations are deliberately vague- orders from military? prayers? inner conscience against it? It’s “powerful” tho and influences him, and it’s “full” showing his distress, shaved head like most kamikaze pilots
“green-blue translucent sea” beautiful imagery, “translucent” shows how things are unclear but getting clearer- nature helps him decide what to do
Describes fishes “like a huge flag”- patriotic semantic field shows brainwashing, but reduces as the poem goes on, simile shows how he is starting to disconnect and change his mind,
also as “a figure of eight”- shows thoughts of pride and prosperity-
“The dark shoals of fishes/flashing silver as their bellies/swivelled towards the sun” - • sibilance shows ocean noises and beauty, “dark” -> “flashing silver” things get brighter and easier to see- knows what to do thanks to nature • “Silver”- medals he would have gotten for being a kamikaze pilot, but true reward is in nature • “Sun”- represents beauty of nature and also Japanese flag- conflict but now there’s also nature in the mix • Belly up- death on his mind
“bringing their father’s home safe/-yes, grandfather’s boat- safe” repetition of “safe” shows reason to come back- wants to return to family, memories
“a tuna, the dark prince, muscular, dangerous.” • first mention of danger = power in the whole poem, danger to the mission as it causes the pilot to have doubts, true power is in nature and memory • First full stop in the poem and lots of commas- makes us stop and think like the pilot about what he’s abt to do
“laughed” “loved” at the end of the poem- all in past tense- nothing left for the soldier
“we too learned to be silent”- “learned” should be positive but contrasts with what they learnt- criticises how they were taught shame by the older generations- but it’s said in first person, the daughter is criticising this and teaching her children not to think that way
Poppies
Title- honours and grieves dead soldiers, short single word title shows full intent of the poem and how the mother’s life is consumed by grief
Dramatic monologue- emphasis on the domestic impact and how the soldier isn’t present in the poem
Free verse, enjambment- chaotic, lack of control over the son, distressed
Domestic + military semantic fields- life has been ruined by war
“Spasms of paper red, disrupting a blockade of yellow bias”- mix between war + domestic • “spasms” and “red” is injury and pain- mother is worried or is hurt by letting go (spasms is involuntary muscle action- involuntary letting go), • “paper” is the fragility of the son • “blockade” is military language showing her worry abt the conflict, how she wants to “block” her son from going into the military • “disrupting” the fabric - the son becoming a soldier disrupts the peace or she is trying to disrupt him from going to war
“The dove pulled freely against the sky, / an ornamental stitch”- dove represents peace and grief- she and her son is at peace with death, “pulled freely” is an oxymoron- inner conflict with grief or letting her son go, the comma shows a pause to reflect on the grief, the “ornamental stitch” metaphor for the mother (pretends to hold it together)
“I was brave”- takes down ideas of just the soldier’s bravery but also the mother’s, but past tense shows current weakness from grief
“Sellotape bandaged around my hand” • Bandage shows wounds • Sticks them together one last time- cat hairs are removed, no more reason to stay • Claustrophobic feeling- stuck in the domestic role, can’t go and protect the son
“Blackthorns of your hair”- religious connotations of Jesus on the cross, sacrificed for the country- metaphor for the son
History Boys
"Enemy of education" war metaphor and alliteration, opposition between true understanding of literature and grades only used shallowly “Cheat’s Visa”
"a fact of life" indisputable and unchangable, in opposition with Irwin's views on history (truth does not matter to him until now?)
Drummer Hodge: Intertextuality, Tom Hardy (the poet) represents Hector, sympathising with the ordeal of the youth, Drummer Hodge represents the Boys, thrown into the chaos of life without proper guidance
"She's my western front" war metaphor objectifies Fiona, personal pronoun further expresses how women were seen as objects to be owned
“... all the other shrunken violets you people line up" [you people] segregates gay people, [shrunken violets] derogatory language
"Some of the literature says it will pass" looking to literature for solace and comfort during a sexuality crisis
"All literature is consolation" Dakin changes his mind on literature symbolising him changing to Irwin's side. No need to look for solace in literature when he can pursue Irwin
Parallels with "all knowledge is precious" from Hector - A.E. Housman, one of the first intertextualities and used in the intro to establish his character
“cunt-struck” “a cunt”- Mrs Lintott repeats the colloquialism “cunt” twice, to describe Dakin as “cunt-struck” and Headmaster as “a cunt”. This is the hardest swear in the play and is used show that it wasn’t a slip of the tongue, and to break down stereotypes of women being gentle and passive
“history is women following behind with the bucket” - her big scene about women in history at the end of the play (which is typical for Alan Benett’s plays such as “Kafka’s Dick”) so it would be recent and stay in the audience’s mind when the show ended
Irwin intro as politician in the future "etc., etc." while talking abt freedom- that man gives no fucks about freedom really, just waffling on (first impression for the audience too!!)
Parallel with Holocaust debate- Lockwood uses the SAME EXACT PHRASE while talking abt how the holocaust was bad, (dismissiveness of mass genocide? in this education system? it’s more likely than you think) then goes on to argue that they should be unique with their arguments- Irwin passed on thr mindset even on such an important subject
Hector is set up to be looking cool and all (motorcycle scene dramaticness, greek name connotations, fav teacher) but is absolutely uncool when we get to know him- purposeful? "studied eccentricity" and all. clinging onto youth?
Posner is actually rather helpful as the "dictionary person" bc i doubt the audiences know what "otiose" means
SCRIPPS IS THE MOST RELIGIOUS ONE AND CLOSEST TO POSNER it can dismantle the idea that religion is against queerness
Irwin didnt know how nietzche was pronounced bc from what we know of him he would call Dakin out on that

This is part 3 of a list of feminine primarch names and my reasoning for these names.
Please see the below link for an explanation of this project, my methods, and my intent.
I will keep the first post updated with links to the later posts to make referencing them easier.
Link to first post:
https://www.reddit.com/PrimarchGFs/comments/1ctd7ot/primarch_names_and_etymologies_part_1_iii/
V: Alakhai Khanum (Jaghatai Khan):
Jaghatai Khan is an early English transliteration of Chagatai Khan. Chagatai was Genghis Khan’s second son and succeeded Genghis in ruling a portion of his father’s empire.
I first tried to find a female form of the name Chagatai, to no avail. I then looked for any daughters of Genghis Khan and learned of Alakhai Bekhi. This is the only primarch name in my list that lacks alliteration (same sound at the start of the word) with the original name. However, I was pleased to find a name like Alakhai with strong assonance (shared repetition of vowel sounds) to Jaghatai.
Early in Genghis Khan’s career as a conqueror, Genghis betrothed Alakhai to a leader of the Ongud people. In doing so, Genghis formed an alliance with the Ongud and secured access to resources south of the Gobi Desert. A few years later, some Ongud dissatisfied with Genghis Khan’s influence over them assassinated Alakhai’s husband. However, Alakhai managed to escape death along with two of her stepsons. Alakhai made her way back to Genghis Khan and told him what happened. Genghis vowed to decimate the Ongud people in retaliation. However, Alakhai convinced Genghis to only kill the conspirators behind her husband’s murder and let her continue to rule the Ongud people.
Lastly, since "Khan" is a title rather than a surname, I think it’s appropriate to use the feminine alternative of the title. "Khanum" is the female equivalent of "Khan," which is a Central Asian term meaning “king” or “ruler.” Interestingly, there is a term reflecting even higher authority; “Khagan,” which means “emperor” or “Khan of Khans.” The feminine form of this is "Khatun."
VI: Leofwende Russ [Lay-Uf-Wen-Day] (Leman Russ):
This was a tough one, but I’m very fond of it. Leman is an English surname derived from the Middle English “lemman,” (sweetheart/lover) which is derived from the Old English “leofmann” (sweetheart/lover). “Leof” is Old English for “dear, beloved,” and “mann” is Old English for “person.”
I then stumbled on “leofwende,” which is Old English for “amiable, gracious, kind, loving.” I really like how it keeps that similar feel of a pet name while also sounding antiquated. Admittedly the name is a bit of a mouthful. Recall that Leman was literally raised by wolves on a world with Iron Age tech at best and then adopted by King Thengir. I could see little Leman quickly getting used to his two-syllable name, but for little Leofwende, it probably went something like this:
Thengir: What to call you, my beloved child… ah, how about Leofwende? Can you say “Leofwende?”
Leofwende: … L-Lindi~
Thengir: Close. It’s Lay-Uf-We-
Leofwende: Lindi!
Thengir: … Lindi is fine too~
Lindi: Bau~bau~!
Thought of the day:
Though silver in your palms weighs light
Compared to death by blast and sword,
Do not shy the hopeless fight,
For endeavour is its own reward.
Feel free to leave a comment on these submissions and this project generally. I look forward to sharing more with you next time~

Who wouldn't want to read, or at least pick up and peruse, a copy of Terror Castle with this original book cover? Elizabeth Arthur and her husband's own Hollow Tree Press have just released the cover of the newest edition of Terror Castle and my first thought was not "I want this on my shelf."
I feel like the mystery genre kind of requires a dynamic, atmospheric book cover (at the very least, to enhance the writing, and to remind you of what's inside the pages and make you want to return to that world!), and my own personal memories of reading the original series often stems directly from the book covers. One of my "things" was to match up the scene on the cover with the scene in the book, if it was possible.
I know flat design has been around for years and years and years, but even flat design can make for an intriguing and colorful cover. Also, presumably an intricate cover is more expensive, especially a painted one.
Still, I'm left disappointed. From the generic font choices to the teensy weensy castle-and-path plopped in. No ghosts, no menace, no canyon, no stormy sky, no threat, no mystery. So, this goes to say the new series (which will use the Unfortunate Series of Alphabetically Alliterate titles) are already, on the outside, proving to be unremarkable.

I love themed episodes and have my own idea but I can’t seem to get past maybe a basket and a half. Let’s help each other generate a whole episodes worth for our themes. I’ll start!
Alliteration. I was taught in school that it’s the first few sounds of a word being alike but Jeopardy says the first letter.
So far I have “scallions and scallops”, “daikon and daiquiri” and possibly “blood orange and blood sausage”. I’d love to hear if you have some more alliterative ingredients.

Previous post

A lapdog's brainless zeal

The Entourage! Whence comes¹ such creatures so eager to abandon all pretense of the sedentary? One envisages haste of blubbering excitement, slippery gleam in the eye, a lapdog’s brainless zeal, as a canvas bag is stuffed full of slips and whatnot, with all the grace of a fakir backstage moments before performing before a gouty king. A whirlwind rush through rooms like shrines, and then out!

We get Flicker dropping back into his more heightened style, starting off with a declamation. Remember how we ended the last section

He would unveil himself in Farrog, and then they would all see. Calap Roud, that stunning watery-eyed dancer, Purse Snippet, and the Entourage too—

So this is very much an interruption. Previously we had Flicker placing himself inside Brash's head, until he mentions the Entourage, at which point he switches completely and breaks out into this much more heightened description.
Flicker is back in his picture-painting mode as well, as he imagines the backgrounds of these girls. The first sentence is posed as a question, but is really more of a statement. I love the phrase "abandon all pretense of the sedentary". They were clearly from a wealthy background, living a carefree life before, but now they've chosen to drop it all to follow (in this instance literally follow) their favorite artist.
He imagines the scenario surrounding their departure, with the "blubbering excitement", a "slippery gleam in the eye", and of course "a lapdog's brainless zeal". I'm curious about the "slippery" descriptor there. Especially when paired with the lapdog comment, it calls to mind a dog skidding and sliding on a slippery floor as they're completely unable to contain their excitement. Does anyone have a different reading?
Then they stuff a canvas bag full of slips (as in the clothing, not as in paper slips) and "whatnot", showing how they're clearly not thinking this through, but rather just throwing things in their bag and running out the door. I love the comparison to the fakir. First of all, it hearkens back to the Arabian Nights inspiration, while also giving us the image of a fakir rushing to get ready for his act, but more important is how it works as a metaphor.
The Entourage (who as we will soon learn are all young women) are here posed as a performer, performing in front of an old, fat, wealthy man. It really spotlights the power imbalance between them and their idol. Then we end the paragraph on a sentence that I'm having a really hard time figuring out. What is the significance of the rooms being like shrines? Shrines are (definitionally) places of worship. So it's like they're rushing past these places intended for worship in order to worship their idol, perhaps implying that it would have been more productive to stay and worship a real god. But these aren't shrines, but rather rooms like shrines, so it would be a worship of the home or something in that direction. I don't think this would imply a worship of domesticity, the metaphor is not fleshed out enough for that. I think it's simply saying that they should rather try to stay connected to their roots. I must say I'm not fully convinced by this reading. What do you all think?

Holding up a mirror

Pattering feet, a trio, all converging in unsightly gallop quick to feminize into a skip and prance once He Who Is Worshipped is in sight. The Entourage accompanies the Perfect Artist everywhere, gatherings great and small, public and intimate. They build the walls of the formidable, impregnable keep that is the Perfect Artist’s ego. They patrol the moat, flinging away all but the sweetest defecatory intimations of mortality. They stand sentinel in every postern gate, they gush down every sluice, they are the stained glass to paint rainbows upon their beloved’s perfectly turned profile.

I absolutely love this image we get here of these three girls "converging in unsightly gallop" with their "pattering feet". It's juxtaposing two images, one dainty and the other the exact opposite. If you've seen one of those videos of cows being released out to pasture after the winter, that's basically what I'm picturing. But as soon as they're in the presence of their idol they switch into an exaggeratedly feminine gait.
Then there's the intentionally vague description of their idol. We don't get the name, but he's called He Who Is Worshipped and the Perfect Artist. This is a reminder that we're not talking about particulars, but rather the general case, in particular how people behave in real life fandoms. Let's examine the rest of this paragraph while keeping in mind that this is Erikson is holding up a mirror to us. And you thought you were safe?
The Entourage is always where their artist is. I think this is especially true in the modern day where fans have practically unlimited access to their favourite artists. And they act as defenders of their artist, and notice how at no point here we get any sense that this Perfect Artist asked for any such thing. They build up their own unassailable version of their artist, and then dismiss any criticism except the most basic, toothless ones.
Finally we get these three statements, two quick ones, and a longer one. They "stand sentinel..." is essentially a continuation of the previous sentence. Then they "gush down every sluice". This is a strange turn of phrase to say the least. A sluice is of course a sort of water channel, and since we're in this castle metaphor, it's likely meant as a preventative measure against flooding. But it's not water that's the risk here, but the gushing of the fans.
And lastly they are the stained glass windows that "paint rainbows" on their idol (with a nice alliteration on perfectly and profile). I really like this one. They are not only viewing their idol through rose-tinted glass, but they have made themselves a piece of stained glass, that colors the artist in every color of the rainbow. They are creating a false, or at least exaggerated, image of the artist, and projecting that image to others as well. I think this whole description really mirrors how fanatically devoted some people can get around their favorite artist, and I don't think we should exclude ourselves from this.

Let's back up a little

But let us not snick and snack overmuch, for each life is a wonder unto itself, and neither contempt nor pity do a soul sound measures of health, lest some issue of envy squeeze free in unexpectedly public revelation. The object of this breathless admiration must wait for each sweet woman’s moment upon the stage in the bull’s eye lantern light of our examination.

Flicker yet again addresses the audience directly. The phrase "snick and snack" here is interesting. A snick can of course be a small cut, and there's definitely been enough of those so far. I think the snack is not intended to have a semantic meaning, but is rather intended to complement the onomatopoeic sound of snick. The word "overmuch" is also doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Some snicking and snacking is fine, but let's not get carried away.
The "each life is a wonder..." part is hilarious. This is definitely an example of overpraising, where Flicker uses hyperbolic language while implying a much more subdued meaning. He's now spent two whole paragraphs detailing how ridiculous and vapid the Entourage is, but now he's all "oh the miracle of life etc. etc." So even when he's talking about how he should stop mocking them, he continues the mockery. Absolutely savage.
He then encourages us to not view them with pity or contempt. Possibly because it would be condescending to do so. Certainly nobody likes being viewed that way, and Flicker claims that it is at best unhelpful to take those attitudes. I am a bit confused, however, about the mention of envy. Is Flicker saying that he is envious of them? Or is he warning us to not be envious? Is there a risk, when expressing pity or contempt, of appearing envious? Are the Entourage themselves envious when we do that? I admit I'm kind of lost here. What do you think?
Flicker ends by calling attention to the fact that we haven't really discussed the Entourage's Perfect Artist at all. He's been this remote figure this whole time, almost irrelevant to the conduct of his fans. Note also how he's called an "object". That word has been used once before in this story, and it was to describe the way Purse Snippet was viewed by Calap Roud. This is not an accident. FlickeErikson is saying that the way the Entourage views their Perfect Artist is not entirely dissimilar to the way Calap Roud, a disgusting old pervert, leers at a much younger woman. Again, this is not lust for the artist themself, but rather for the godlike image that the fans have constructed of the artist.
And before we can know that artist, we are going to be introduced to these three young women, each more ridiculous than the last, before we get to their Perfect Artist. Indeed, they must suffer the "bull's eye lantern light of our examination". This is a great description of what Flicker has been doing so far with his ruthless introduction. He also doesn't call it an interrogation or even a description. No, he's simply examining each of these characters, down to their core².
And that does it for this week's post. Next time we'll be discussing Sellup, the oldest member of the Entourage. See you all next week!
¹ I don't know exactly what to do with this seeming error. It strikes me as an editing artifact. That is, Erikson originally wrote this sentence differently, then changed the wording but forgot to change the whole sentence.
² And it's worth remembering that he may well be making all of this up.

Lonely seems fairly self-explanatory. I want my penguin, my swan, my lobster.
Lovely refers primarily to my physical characteristics, but also a bit to my kind and caring nature.
Literal is the way I both communicate and interpret communication. Subtext is often lost on me.
Loquacious means that it’s very hard to shut me up once I get going on the right subject with the right audience.
Literarily Inclined is a very fancy way of saying I read. A lot. No, I mean, a lot.
Lady just refers to my gender (AFAB/cisgender).
Looking For is simply, you know, seeking. Searching for. Trying to find.
Love, the epitome of what I want.
Now, beyond the allure of my alliteration...
I’m 25 years old and I live in the Midwestern area of the USA. I don’t particularly care where you live, as I’m only open to an online relationship until 2025 or so (because of both personal preference and life circumstances).
The written word is my biggest hobby, both reading and writing it. Despite my often overly logical brain, I usually prefer fiction over non-fiction, and fantasy in particular — it’s an escape of sorts that feels immersive and, well, magical (for lack of a better term).
I haven’t yet completed my undergraduate degree, but I’m working on it. That’s what I get for taking time off and switching majors twice, I suppose. I’d like to earn my Master’s degree someday, but I’m in no real rush for that.
I look like some sort of MPDG/ingenue crossover — I have a quirky, wide-eyed, unconventional prettiness.
I have some pets, and quite honestly, those are children enough for me. I don’t possess a mothering instinct for tiny humans.
The man I’m looking for is, in an ideal nutshell:

• 5-15 years my senior
• Looking for someone to commit to
• Athletic/attractive (hey, we all want a "spark")
• Compassionate towards others
• Not conservative or a cigarette smoker

I’d prefer someone who also shares my love of the written word and is familiar with neurodivergence, but those aren’t strictly necessary.
Thank you for reading all of this. Sincerely, it means a lot to me. Please send me a chat (preferred) or a message about yourself including, at a minimum, your age, your general location, and some defining characteristics about yourself. If I think we could be a good fit I’ll say hi in return.
Either way, have a nice rest of your week, and good luck on your journey ahead!

Hi! I work for AQA as a senior examiner (Lit Paper 2, but I have marked Paper 1 and the way they are marked is essentially the same), and thought you might appreciate a few tips. Most of it is probably stuff you already know, but if this can help anyone for the exam, then it's worth typing up.
Assessment Objectives Thought it might be best to start with an overview of the AOs. AO1 refs (6 marks) - this is how well you have used references in your answer AO1 task (6 marks) - this is how well you have answered the question as a whole. If you don't refer to both the extract and the whole text, you can only get 2 marks for this AO. AO2 (12 marks) - this is how well you have analysed language methods, such as metaphor, simile, personification, alliteration, characterisation, single words, symbolism etc, as well as structural methods, such as rhythm, rhyme, iambic pentameter, order of events, caesura etc. (note: you DO NOT have to do BOTH language AND structure) AO3 (6 marks) - this is your understanding of the writers' ideas and the context in which the text was written / set AO4 (4 marks) - this will only be given for the Shakespeare section and is your spelling, punctuation and grammar.
Start with a thesis statement A thesis is an argument that you pose, and you then spend the rest of the essay proving why you are right. Let's say you get a question about how Shakespeare presents Romeo as a character who is passionate. You can spend your whole essay showing and explaining the ways in which Romeo is passionate, but that wouldn't be a thesis; Romeo's passion is a given, so it's no challenge to give examples of it. What isn't a given is the purpose of Romeo's passion. So for this question, your thesis could be: Romeo's passion, and his inability to control and contain it, is what makes him responsible for most of the bad things that happen in the play. You'd want to extend on that a little in the first paragraph, but that would be a good start to a thesis statement. Another thesis statement that would work for this question is: Romeo's passion comes from the deep love that he is capable of, and this love is ultimately a healing force that works for the good of the community and teaches us a lesson about the power of love and the evils of hatred. Both of these statements are very different - one sets out to argue that Romeo's passion is a negative thing, whilst the other presents it as a positive. Either of these could be argued in a convincing way. Some good sentence starters for thesis statements are: - In this text, we go on a journey of understanding that... - We are prompted to consider the universal concepts of... (universal concepts could be life, death, love, relationships, family, order, chaos etc, and LOADS more) - We are made to think about the duality of... (love/hate, chaos/order, old/young, innocence/experience etc) - By the end of the text, we learn / understand / are left questioning...
Use the extract for AO2 AO2 - the analysis of writers' methods - is one of the most commonly missed assessment objectives in both Lit papers. It's also the one with the most weight - you get a potential 12 marks for this AO, so that's what you lose if you forget it. But on Paper 1, you have an advantage - there is an extract right there in front of you, and there will 100% be a method in there that you can use. This will save you the trouble of having to remember a specific metaphor, simile or personification to analyse in your answer. If you struggle to find methods, then there are a couple of workarounds to access AO2. The first is to pick a single word from the extract that you've been given, and analyse the heck out of it. For example, Macduff refers to Macbeth as a "hell-hound". This word (or words) is perfect for single word analysis because of the connotations of "hell"; it emphasises evil, it connects to Christian ideas about morality, and plays on the superstitions of the audience. When connected with the word "hound", we can interpret Macbeth's status (in Macduff's eyes) as a servant of the devil, a mindless creature, and we see him stripped of his humanity by being referred to as a savage animal. Because of the religious implications, you can also link all of this to the witches. Another way to ensure that you include AO2 is to write about characters as tools that the writer is using. For example, you could speak about how the creature in Frankenstein is used to explore ideas about the nature of humanity, specifically ideas about isolation and love. The key word here is "used". If you can speak about the characters as a tool that the writer is using to explore ideas, to illicit a reponse from the audience, to send a message, to make the audience think or consider new concepts, then you are in AO2 territory.
AO3 This is another commonly missed assessment objective. AO3 is all about context, but that doesn't just mean the stuff that was going on at the time the text was written. Sure, that is part of it, but another is the writer's ideas. This is something that you can put in your thesis statement. Consider what the writer is trying to teach the audience. Think how this might translate to an audience in 2024. For example, A Christmas Carol is a text about morality. Dickens wants us to consider how we can be better human beings and work towards a better future by showing kindness to others, by sharing our wealth, and by recognising that those who are less fortunate than us are not always to blame for their circumstances in life. He communicates these ideas through the theme of Christmas to remind people of their Christian faith, values and obligations: to love your fellow man, to look after your neighbour, to be generous of spirit. All of this is fantastic AO3 stuff.
Literally, Metaphorically, Symbolically Some of you may have used this before, but I find it a useful tool for getting my students to squeeze as much as they can out of a reference. When you use a reference (AO2 or not, doesn't matter), you can first explore the literal meaning, which means to take the words at their most basic meaning. Then, you look at the figurative meaning, what is implied. Lastly, you take the reference out of the context of the text and think of the symbolic meaning. This is an excellent way to include AO3. Here's an example: Romeo refers to Juliet as an "angel". Literally, this means that she is a creature from heaven, and a servant of God himself. Metaphorically, we can interpret this as meaning that Romeo regards her as something pure and holy, something that cannot be corrupted. According to the Bible and religious belief at the time, angels spoke truth and were creatures of great beauty, which tells us the high regard in which Romeo holds Juliet. She is perfect to him. It could also mean that he believes she has been sent to him from God, in much the same way that angels were sent to Earth to spread God's word, so he perhaps views her as a gift or a blessing. Symbolically, we understand from Romeo's use of the word "angel" that the love he has for Juliet is good and pure, which links to the message that Shakespeare had for his audiences regarding the power of love and the pitfalls of hatred. If we are able to understand that Romeo and Juliet's love is pure, then we are much more likely to sympathise with them and support their struggle against the toxic patriarchcal system that drives them apart. By the same token, we can understand that this system is corrupt, evil and destructive. If we do gain this understanding, then by the end of the play, we are likely to have learnt the lesson that Shakespeare is trying to teach us.
References don't have to be quotations One of the assessment objectives is AO1 refs (short for references). But references do not have to be direct quotations. For example, if you want to talk about the death of Macbeth, you don't have to sit in the exam hall desperately searching your brain for the exact words from that moment. Simply saying "When Macbeth dies..." is enough as a reference. You can use this for analysis, too, for example: Mercutio's death is a turning point in the play because... Mercutio's death represents... Mercutio's death shows us... In fact, that particular example verges on AO2, as well, as it talks about an event in the play which acts as a trigger / catalyst for what happens next. This is probably a good time to tell you that AO2 can also be marked as AO1 refs, but this is not always true the other way around.
Conclusions are not necessary Don't waste your time repeating yourself, which is what often happens with a conclusion. You don't have the time for that. Set out your thesis, and provide multiple examples of how your thesis is correct. Then finish.
Do not retell the story We know the story. Please don't waste your time retelling it. You have far more important things to write about than regurgitating a story we already know. Focus on analysis.
I hope this helps a bit. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. I will do my best to help you. Good luck!

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The upstart

Arch rival to Calap Roud was the illimitable, ambitious, inexcusably young Brash Phluster. That he delighted in the old bastard’s presence on this journey could hardly be refuted, for Brash so wanted Calap to witness youth’s triumph in Farrog. With luck, it would kill him.

Next on the chopping block is Brash Phluster, and what a masterpiece that name is. Brash means many things, including overly confident and lacking respect. Clearly that's how Calap views him at least. And Phluster just looks so much funnier than "fluster". It's as subtle as a brick to the face, but we really get everything we need to know about Brash from just the name.
Note that like with Purse we begin Brash's introduction by pointing out his relationship with Calap Roud. But whereas Purse was Calap's object of lust, Brash is his nemesis. We get a list of Brash's characteristics. He is illimitable, ambitious, and inexcusably young. This is definitely describing Brash as Calap sees him. The tell is the "inexcusably young" bit, but we also see a subtle jab with the way Flicker uses both illimitable and ambitious, words that have very similar meanings. He's definitely imitating Calap here, so it's like he's so incensed at Brash that he's stumbling for whatever word he can find. And accidentally goes for two words that mean basically the same thing.
Then we get Brash being happy at Calap's presence, which makes us think that perhaps the rivalry is one sided. But then we see that it's just because Brash wants to rub it in Calap's face, so the rivalry is definitely a thing. And finally there's the hope that Calap's defeat would kill him. So there's clearly an underlying hatred that runs deeper than a normal rivalry. The rivalry also seems to be generational. Brash represents the younger generation of artists, and he sees this as a conflict between young and old.

Fake it 'til you make it

Seven years Calap had been defecating on Brash, trying to keep him down on the crusty floor, but Brash was not one to let a rain of guano discourage his destiny. He knew he was brilliant in most things, and where he lacked brilliance he could fill those spaces with bold bluster and entirely unfounded arrogance. A sneer was as good as an answer. A writhe of the lip could slice throats across the room. He eyed Calap as would a wolf eye a dog, appalled at a shared pedigree and determined to tear the sad thing to pieces at the first opportunity.

We continue with the Calap/Brash beef, bringing back the metaphor from Calap's introduction with the gilded cage. There we got a brief mention of the "white-headed fools" that Calap shat on, and now we learn that Brash was indeed one of those fools. The imagery here is absolutely foul, with the floor crusted with bird shit and the rain of guano. There's a really nice alliteration here too. We get "defecating" and "down", and then a bit later "discourage" and "destiny". I love how it's all these really negative and nasty words, before flipping it with "destiny".
Flicker is definitely putting himself in Brash's head as he's done many times before, as we get this view of his inflated self image. We get a lot of Bs and Ls here with two instances of "brilliant" before we get "bold bluster". I love how he seems to be just blatantly in fake-it-until-you-make-it mode. And then Flicker dips out of Brash's head to provide his own commentary with "entirely unfounded arrogance".
And then we continue with Flicker giving his not-quite-charitable reading of Brash's character with this quick flurry of sentences. When confronted, Brash doesn't really respond, but just pretends like answering is beneath him. Like Calap he's willing to play the social game in order to get ahead. And that is made clear with the comparison. They're different, but also in some fundamental way they "share the same pedigree", which I think is their mutual willingness to pull all sorts of dirty tricks to get rid of rivals. And Brash is ready to do just that to Calap.

Master of disguises

True talent was found in the successful disguise of genius, and Brash accounted himself a master of disguises. His future was glory, but he would reveal not a single hint, not one that some cragged critic¹ or presumptuous rival might close in on, stoat fangs bared. No, they could dismiss him each and every day for the time being. He would unveil himself in Farrog, and then they would all see. Calap Roud, that stunning watery-eyed dancer, Purse Snippet, and the Entourage too—

Right off the bat I want to say that I love this first sentence. Flicker mentioned Brash's fake-it-until-you-make-it attitude in the previous paragraph, but here we get a hint that perhaps Brash is faking more than he'd care to admit. But he doesn't care, because he's so confident in his disguises.
Erikson has on many occasions remarked upon (and lamented) that many authors are incredibly secretive about their craft. He's mentioned authors on panels whose answers amount to basically just an advertisement for their book rather than an examination of their process. I think here he is poking fun at that attitude. Brash is established as being extremely tight lipped, because he doesn't want the critics or his competitors to find out his secret sauce. Admittedly, since he's traveling with Calap Roud that attitude may not be simple paranoia.
I also love that he calls his rivals stoats, calling back to the weasel analogy from a few weeks ago. Stoats are of course² a kind of weasel (or at least a weasel-like mammal). So we're still not letting go of these metaphors.
We also get a glance at the way Brash is seen by others. He's dismissed by them. Clearly, Brash thinks they're underestimating him, but are they? We'll find out in time when we get some of Brash's poetry. The alliteration here is also nice, with each and every framed by dismiss and day.
He ends with a declaration that he's not even begun to peak. That he's saving the best for last, and he's savoring that. He mentions Calap Roud, who he wants to destroy, and Purse Snippet who he likely wants to impress. Here we also see the difference between Flicker and Brash in action. Flicker saw through to the core of Purse's being. Brash, on the other hand, just sees a pretty dancer. He even notes that her eyes are always watery, but he doesn't even seem to consider that they might be like that for a reason.
And finally, the Entourage...
But we'll get to them next time. That's it for Brash's introduction. See you next week!
¹ There's some nice alliteration here. The word "cragged", itself onomatopoeic, adds that onomatopoeia to the word "critic".
² I say as if I didn't have to look that up myself

It’s been over 6 months since the official Lord Huron TikTok account posted the video with the caption “Aimlessly adrift in autumnal ambience”.. What do you guys think it means? I assumed we’d have an album or a few droplets by now… I know they typically release in the springtime every 3 years.. maybe this is their way of saying an album will come in the fall? Plus, the video is upside down as well.. the alliteration is also intriguing. I check their socials everyday for anything new, I’m literally feening for new music.

I sat down with my morning coffee and opened my email. It was bursting at the seams as usual.
I clicked on the first link and started skimming through its contents.
I grew up in a haunted house… normally used to this stuff… this was the first time I was ever scared.
Interesting.
There was a video file attached. I clicked on it.
It was a video from a doorbell camera. The video feed looked out onto a beautiful wrap-around porch complete with flower boxes and an American flag blowing in the evening breeze. A few bugs flittered by, but I couldn’t see why I had been sent the video. Then I saw it.
Just barely visible in the darkness, peeking from behind the flower boxes was a face. It didn’t move, you’d think it might be a statue by how still it was, and although about 75% of the face was obscured by the flower box, I could tell it wasn’t human. The skin looked rough, like papier-mâché and the proportions were off. It was a bit uncanny.
The wind blew the flowers in the flower box revealing slightly more of the face. One of the face’s large, unblinking eyes was exposed. Like I said, the proportions were off. It was too big, with no lashes or brow, just a giant white circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. It looked almost cartoony. It started directly into the camera. I started to think someone had just placed a creepy mask in front of the camera until I saw it blink.
A shiver ran up my spine and I had to turn around to check my own surroundings. I have to do that sometimes when I get scared. Just a habit from childhood.
When I turned back to the video screen the face was gone. The video clip ended a few seconds later.
Nope, hell nah. I am not getting involved with whatever that was.
I send a message back:
Heyyyy,
Yuck! Pretty weird, but I can’t help with that, sorry! Maybe try the police?
I opened the next email.
We have something in our house. I can’t sleep. I’m worried for the safety of my daughter.
Blah blah blah.
Another video file was attached.
The video was from a mother’s cell phone as she crept silently through a house. She arrived outside of a bedroom door decorated with unicorns and a sign that read, “Sarah’s room,” in bold letters under which another sign spelled NO BOYS ALLOWED.
I could hear something from the other side of the door. It’s quiet at first, but as the camera draws nearer I could make out the muffled sounds of children whispering to each other and the sounds of toys being dragged across a hardwood floor.
A hand comes into frame as the mother slowly pushes the bedroom door open revealing the messy room of a little girl. Toys are strewn everywhere, Barbies, Hot Wheels and ponies.
The girl who I presume to be Sarah is asleep in her bed.
The mother says quietly to no one in particular, “Don’t disturb my daughter. She needs to sleep.” There are a few seconds of silence. The mother lets out a sigh of relief feeling she’s won this battle. She takes a step towards her daughter, presumably to check on her or kiss her on the forehead, when a low growl fills the room.
“No,” the woman says quietly, but firmly, into the room like a mother would to a misbehaving child. There’s another few seconds of silence, then, like a lightning bolt, a long black arm lashes out from under the child’s bed, grabs a toy from the floor of the room and pulls it back into the shadows.
The mother screams in terror, the daughter wakes up screaming.
The video ends.
Nope. Don’t feel like messing with that one either. I still look under my bed all the time.
I shoot an email back.
Pretty Spooky!
This isn’t my area of expertise, looks like you might need a priest or a rabbi or shaman or those ‘spiritual’ girls you see at music festivals, but not me!
Hope this helps :P
On to the next email.
Ever since my roommate passed away, things have been going missing in my house. I think he might be haunting me. Is this a situation you could help with?
Bingo! Easy Money.
During the pandemic I started a side-gig as an online psychic to earn a little bit of pocket money. It started with Tarot cards and palm readings and has since evolved into…something else. Once COVID restrictions eased I started doing house calls. It’s a fun gig. I make good money and meet some VERY interesting people.
Only thing is I didn’t believe in any of this shit. I would make it all up.
I started off in my Zoom call days by reading a script I wrote with a couple friends after a few beers, I’ve got it memorized now. Actually, I’ve memorized several different scripts now. Sprinkle in a little improv here and there, and I’m as good as the real thing. Honestly, I think I’m just a good salesman. Confidence takes you a long way in this racket.
Sometimes I feel bad and think, “Maybe I should just start selling cars or something,” but I can’t give this up, it’s just too much fun. And it's so easy.
The thing is, when people lose a loved one, they start going a little bit crazy. They don’t sleep, they forget to eat, they are constantly stressed out dealing with funeral arrangements, grieving loved ones and restructuring their support systems. They get a little bit harebrained and eventually they misplace something. They forget they leave the TV on downstairs and hear voices when they are lying in bed. Sometimes they are so stressed and sleep deprived they straight-up hallucinate.
That’s where I come in. A knight in shining armor.
I tell them it will all be okay; I pass a message to them from their deceased loved one saying how proud they are of the person they have become. I prescribe some hot tea and a good night of sleep and bam – haunting nipped in the bud. The client gets a clear head and fresh start on the rest of their life and I get a pocket full of cash. The placebo effect is the real deal.
I knocked on the door of the tiny shotgun house 2 days later around noon. The door opened and a small Mexican man stood in the doorway wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with Tweety Bird and the Taz the Tasmanian Devil on it. He looked tired.
“Hi! Are you Pedro?” I asked the man.
“Yeah, are you…” He pulled out one of my business cards from his pocket, “Mystical Mike?”
Don’t laugh at the name. Magic Mike was already trademarked and alliteration is a winning business strategy.
“Yup that’s me”
I followed Pedro into the house and found myself standing in the living room. A basic set up with a TV, coffee table, couch and a loveseat. The other side of the room was occupied by a small and dirty kitchen. A small kitchen table bifurcated the two spaces. A short hallway connected the living areas to two bedrooms and a bathroom.
We sat at the kitchen table and Pedro gave me the rundown about what had been happening. His roommate passed away about 2 weeks ago under suspicious circumstances. He was a happy, healthy 28-year-old with a clean bill of health and no drugs in his system. Pedro found him dead in the bathtub. Heart attack was the official cause of death.
Since his passing, Pedro claimed things have been getting moved or going missing. He says he hears his roommate’s bedroom door open and close on its own some nights.
You know, typical ghost shit. This was going to be another easy client.
Now Pedro was Mexican, and Mexican means Catholic. Catholics grow up in a ritual rich environment - Reconciliations, confirmations, the transubstantiation of the communion. If your client is Catholic you can’t just walk around the house burning sage or an incense stick. You need a ritual. You need props.
I carry a bag of props with me to each jobsite. Every type of client needs a different type of prop. Among a few other knickknacks, it’s got a handful of Crystals for the ‘spiritual’ girls, incense and sage for the indigenous, a Bible, Torah and a Quran for the religious, an EMF reader for the skeptics or the scientifically inclined, a couple granola bars if I get hungry, and for the Catholics i have a few crosses and rosaries. I also have a Ouija board. Some clients go crazy for the Ouija.
I pulled out the Ouija board and Pedro’s eyes went wide. I immediately knew this was the right tool for the job.
“Are you sure about that,” he asked, pointing at the Ouija board, “I heard bad things happen after people use those things.”
“Don’t worry Pedro, you’re in the hands of a capable professional,” I lied, “I know exactly what I’m doing,”
I set up the board between us, lit some candles and burned the end of a stick of incense. Ready to blow Pedro’s mind.
Before starting I had one last question for Pedro, “What was your roommate's name?”
“Archibald”
“Oh god, seriously?” I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, he went by Arch, so it really wasn’t too bad”
“Ok, yeah that makes sense. Let’s start this thing.”
I placed my fingers lightly on the planchette in front of us and coaxed Pedro to do the same as I started the ceremony. I started by reciting a few Latin phrases I had memorized after taking it as a foreign language in high school. It was mostly nonsense. It started off with the opening line from one of Cicero’s famous speeches that I was forced to recite for an oral exam, followed by a series of pauses and random words.
Quamdiu mihi consuli designato, Catilina, insidiatus es, non publico me praesidio, sed privata diligentia defendi!
Pūmilio!
Mea Culpa!
Habeas corpus!
If I ever come across a client who actually knows Latin, I’d be screwed, so it’s a good thing almost no one does.
I switched back over to English.
“Archibald! I call you to witness!”
I started moving the planchette slowly around the board, not landing on anything in particular, just to give Pedro the sense something was happening.
“That’s not you, is it?” Pedro asked, a thin mustache of sweat forming on his upper lip. He shook his head in disbelief, for a guy with a darker complexion he was very pale.
Again, I called out to the ‘spirits’, “Is this this spirit of Arch?”
I began to move the planchette towards the ‘YES’ section of the Ouija board, about halfway there I encountered some resistance. The planchette froze. I couldn’t move it. It was as if it was glued to the board itself. Weird.
Improvising, I called out another question, “What do you want from Pedro?”
My fingers tingled and seemed to grow hot as I tried to move the planchette, still it remained frozen in place. Then, slowly, the wooden planchette drifted to H then E. I glanced up at Pedro to see if he was fucking with me. His face was as white as a sheet of paper and he was taking huge deep breaths like a dying fish as he looked down at the planchette, horrified. I get the sense he was faking.
The planchette continued sliding around the board. K then N over to O then W then S.
HE KNOWS.
Pedro looked up at me for the first time since the ritual began. He was trembling.
“Pedro, what's going on?” I asked him, “What do you know?”
Just then, Pedro and I both pulled our hands back in pain as the planchette erupted in flames. This is when I started to feel like I was the one being conned. I looked under the table for magnets or any type of machinery that could manipulate my planchette. I waved my hand over the flaming wooden disk in case somehow Pedro had managed to rig some sort of thin wire to it. All my searches came up empty.
A primal fear grew in my belly.
The planchette started sliding quickly back and forth across the Ouija board stopping at letters too quickly for us to even register which letter it briefly rested on.
“No mames!” Pedro shouted, “What’s it saying?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” I had no idea what to do in this situation? Ask it to slow down? That made sense, “Excuse me, Ghost? Can you slow it down? You’re going too fast for us to understand you”
The planchette came to an abrupt halt and the small flame extinguished itself just as quickly. A beat later, Pedro and I heard a Click from across the room. The television had turned itself on.
Click click click
Pedro and I watched in silence as the television flicked through several channels before landing on a random daytime soap opera. It was muted. We watched the characters act out a silent argument on the screen for a few seconds before the TV unmuted itself just in time for one of the characters to shout, “I SAID-”
Click click. The TV cycled through some more stations.
Liam Neeson appeared on the screen, “Give me back–”
Click click click click
The TV stopped on a wounded soldier in the jungle who screamed, “My Leg!” before the television muted him.
Pedro gasped and clasped a hand to his mouth.
Click click click.
The TV stopped again, this time on a man in a beanie in a meth lab. It unmuted itself, “BITCH!”
Pedro got up from the table and walked into his room. I could hear him opening his closet and rummaging around.
Click click click.
I sat there in silence while the television started playing the Final Jeopardy music.
The whole experience was just too bizarre. I could feel everything I had known about the world melt and re-arrange itself in my head. What did any of this mean? What powers have I been tempting and tampering with the past few years, and worst of all – were all those emails I get everyday actually legitimate? I felt like someone had just poured ice water down my back.
I had figured they were just people pranking me. People who figured I was conning people and wanted to poke a little bit of fun.
I quickly packed the Ouija board and was about to leave the house, when –
Click click click click
Kendrick Lamar popped up on the screen, “Sit down. Be Humble.”
I sat my ass back down at the kitchen table. A few moments later Pedro walked back into the room carrying a disgusting looking prosthetic leg. He dropped it onto the table with a loud thud.
Click click click click click
“BURN IT” the television shouted; I didn’t see what was on the screen.
Click click click.
Samwise Gamgee was on the screen now, shouting at Frodo, “Throw it in the fire!”
Pedro pulled a lighter out of his pocket and moved towards the leg.
“Wait,” I said to him, “I’m not sure that is a good idea”
Pedro looked confused, “If we give it what it wants, won’t it leave me alone?”
He was desperate, and I understood that. The past 10 minutes had completely shattered my entire worldview, even so, I had watched enough movies to understand that when dealing with an entity like this, you shouldn’t blindly bow to its will. Giving an evil entity something that it wants might only serve to make them more powerful allowing them to tighten their grasp on you.
“I’ll take it,” I said reflexively. It was the first solution that entered my mind. I didn’t want to take it, but that seemed like the path of least resistance to get the hell out of this house where I couldn’t think.
“Be my guest,” Pedro pushed the leg towards me and pocketed the lighter.
The television was screaming at me.
Click click
“Idiot”
Click
“Fool”
Click click click click
“…What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you…”
I tossed the leg into my bag and headed towards the door.
“Wait,” Pedro called after me, “Don’t I need to pay you?”
I was so focused on getting out of this house I had completely forgotten. I turned to look at Pedro and saw behind him in the kitchen all of the gas burners on the stove were ignited and the cabinets all hung open. I couldn’t wait to get out of here.
“Just hit me on PayPal,” I said, turning again to leave.
“Wait,” Pedro called again, “Do you offer Apprenticeships?”
I stared at the man, dumbfounded. Apprenticeships? What am I, a welder?
“No” I answered
“Wait,” Pedro asked yet another time, “This was really cool and I’d like to be a part of it, what about internships?”
“Jesus Christ, man,” I was on the verge of breaking, I was physically repulsed by this house, my hand trembled on the doorknob, “Sure, you’re hired, just call me next week, you have my number.” Anything to make this guy stop asking me questions.
I pulled open the door and headed to my car. The last thing I heard from the tv before I closed it behind me was, “I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you”
That’s how I came into possession of the leg and my intern, Pedro, but things only got weirder from there.

It’s unfortunate that “paypig” has become the most widely used and recognized term for a finsub. You’ll never see me type or say that word unironically.
Personally I always thought “cash cow” sounded better because that also has a real-world, non-kinky meaning. So that makes it clever. Plus it maintains the use of farm animals and alliteration. But hey, let’s get crazy and go with domesticated animals too. “Debt dog” anyone? Relapse Rottweiler?

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.

This is the transactional writing template I made and used on my exam. I have also written what I wrote for the language analysis, comparison, and creative writing (descriptive essay), along with a concise look into the English language needed to get an A* which can be found on Amazon - What I wrote to get an A* on the English Language GCSE by Henry Norsworthy.
Transactional writing
Any kind of writing that aims to achieve a specific purpose or get something done, which can be:
To inform: sharing knowledge and facts, like a news article or instructional blog post.
To persuade: trying to convince the reader of a certain viewpoint, like an opinion piece or a sales letter.
To instruct: guiding the reader through a process, like a recipe or a how-to guide.
To request: formal letters requesting information or applications, or informal letters asking for favours.
My question was: write a speech about the importance of walking for mental well-being (or something similar to this)
Template
Letter - your address then date on right
Letter – recipient address (made up) then dear 'name/ body’ (if given in the question) or dear simadam (formal)/ to whom it may concern (less formal)
Speech – Hello and thank you for attending. My name is ‘…’ and I am speaking on behalf of ‘e.g. Cambridge University department of ‘relevant to question’ (if directed to peers say – I recognize many familiar faces here.)
Title e.g.
‘Subject from question’: we must act now! (direct address (directly addressing your audience) and imperative (an instruction or request commonly punctuated with an exclamation mark)) (for a letter the title and subtitles can be worded and written as the first sentence of a paragraph as letters don’t typically have titles and subtitles)
Strap line/ hook (who, what, when, where, why): e.g. ground-breaking new study from Cambridge University shows that ‘…’ has the effect of ‘…’ – if this is allowed to proceed then the future of ‘…’ will be on a collision course (alliteration) with a point of no return (idiom and hyperbole)
Subtitle: first point summary sentence e.g.
The issue of ‘point’.
First paragraph
· Firstly, ‘first point - use point given in the question’ …which will have profound, far-reaching, and encompassing effects (rule of three). We have found ourselves at a crossroads with a situation that is a ticking time-bomb/ idea blossomed; opening doors to new perspectives (metaphor)
· Anecdote - how you personally have experienced and been impacted by ‘point’ e.g. during my time working as a researcher in the ‘…’ department at Cambridge University, I have witnessed first-hand the effects of ‘…’ which has subsequently sparked great concern (builds credibility)
· Causes and consequences of first point in list form – it is proven ‘…’ is caused by; 1 - ‘first cause’ 2 - ‘second cause’ 3 - ‘third cause’, which imposes consequences of; 1 - ‘first consequence’ 2 - ‘second consequence’ 3 - ‘third consequence’.
· Call to action – as a member of this planet/ country/ society, I feel obliged to tackle this treacherous set of circumstances that stands (personification) before us – we must act now to ‘e.g. resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to ‘e.g. resurrect the future ‘…’ (anaphora, repetition, rule of three, alliteration)
Subtitle: second point summary sentence e.g.,
Darkest before dawn… (idiom, hyperbole, and ellipsis (the three dots used to create suspense or anticipation) or, it only gets worse… (hyperbole and ellipsis)
Second paragraph
· Secondly, ‘second point - use point given in question’ …we are truly in a delicate dance/ we are walking on thin-ice/ rollercoaster of emotions/ music to my ears (metaphor)
· Quote official person e.g. ‘name’ (who is largely considered to be one of the most reputable and highly regarded in the field) officially stated: ‘made up quote’
· Statistic from official body e.g. as well, my fellow colleagues at Cambridge have released shocking studies stating: ‘quote’ - how can we ignore these staggering statistics? (rhetorical question)
· This indisputably indicates that if we bury our heads in the sand (idiom) it will have irrevocable ramifications such as ‘implication of statistics’ (finish with: and ~this is just the tip of the iceberg (metaphor); I could go on…
· Pathos – evoke emotion by sharing a personal story of someone affected e.g. only the other day I spoke to a victim called ‘name’ who experienced ‘issue’ which ‘he/ she’ told me it caused ‘him/ her’ ‘…’ - the pain in ‘his/ her’ voice still relentlessly reverberates throughout my psyche and is a poignant and stark reminder that behind every statistic lies a human tragedy
One sentence paragraph e.g.,
· We cannot afford to remain indifferent!
· This is not time to be sedentary!
· We cannot idly stand by while ‘issue’ continues! (exclamatory sentences)
Subtitle e.g.,
‘’But what about…?’’ or, ‘’Haven’t you thought about…?’’ (dialogue, rhetorical question, and ellipsis).
Third paragraph
· One or two opposing points and counter-arguments - opposing point example: However, on the other hand some might say: ‘’reason against point you’re making’’ (dialogue), and counter-argument example: Although, even with this being said, this does not outweigh the overwhelming and undeniable urgency to prevent/ fix ‘‘new or aforementioned reemphasised/ slightly reworded consequences’’. As well, it could also be said ‘another opposition point or the current proposition to solve the problem only being a partial solution’, but again this does not solve the situation for everyone so what is the suggestion? That we just sweep these people under the rug? (idiom, irony and rhetorical question). My colleagues and I have thought long and hard and have left no stones unturned (idiom); we can say with absolute certainty that all opposing arguments pale in comparison (hyperbole). The writing is on the wall (idiom) and failure to act will spell the end (idiom) of society aswe know it - ~so much is at stake~ (hyperbole)
Subtitle e.g.
So what do we do?
Fourth paragraph
· Resolution ideas – Therefore, with all that being said, in order to find resolution and remedy this rampant issue, we must; ‘solutions/ what you want to happen in list form – 1 - ‘first solution’ 2 - ‘second solution’, and lastly 3 - ‘third solution’
· Conclusion/ summary – e.g. so finally in conclusion, cooperation is crucial to correct ‘briefly reminisce points’
Cyclical structure – repeat call to action from paragraph one (cyclical structure) but changed to: ‘we must unite together to resolve the issue of ‘…’, we must unite together to relieve those affected by ‘…’, we must act now to assure sustainability for future generations.
Letter – yours sincerely (if know the name of the recipient)/ yours faithfully (if don’t know the name of the recipient)
Speech - Thank you for your time.