The dazzling lights, the electrifying atmosphere, the chance to strike it lucky – the world of online casinos, like Nuebe Gaming, beckons with a captivating allure. But for beginners, navigating this vast landscape of games and making informed choices can feel like stepping into a foreign land. Fear not, aspiring player! This guide serves as your roadmap to uncovering the top online casino games at Nuebe Gaming, perfect for unleashing your beginner's luck and embarking on a thrilling adventure.
Understanding Your Playstyle: The Key to Unlocking Fun
Before diving headfirst into the games offered by Nuebe Gaming, it's crucial to understand your preferences. Here are some questions to ponder:

• Do you crave fast-paced action and vibrant visuals? Slots might be your perfect match, offering a kaleidoscope of themes and bonus features.
• Do you enjoy strategic decision-making alongside the thrill of chance? Table games like blackjack or baccarat could be a good fit.
• Do you prefer a blend of simplicity and strategy? Video poker offers a unique combination, allowing you to test your skills and potentially reap significant rewards.

Beginner's Paradise: Top Casino Games for Newcomers at Nuebe Gaming
Nuebe Gaming, like many online casinos, boasts a diverse library catering to various preferences. However, some games are particularly well-suited for beginners. Here are our top picks:

• Slots: Undoubtedly the most popular online casino game category, slots offer a beginner-friendly experience at Nuebe Gaming. With straightforward gameplay mechanics and a wide range of bet sizes, you can find slots that align with your comfort level and budget. Look for games with clear paylines, simple bonus features, and high RTP (Return to Player) percentages, which indicate a higher theoretical payout over time. Let your beginner's luck shine as you spin the reels and experience the excitement of slots!
• Video Poker: Offering a blend of slot machine simplicity and strategic elements found in table games, video poker presents a fantastic option for beginners at Nuebe Gaming. Popular variations like Jacks or Better and Deuces Wild are relatively easy to learn. Unlike traditional poker, you play against the machine, making strategic choices based on the cards dealt to form winning hands. Start with basic strategies to improve your gameplay and maximize your potential winnings.
• Live Dealer Roulette (European Roulette): Experience the thrill of a real casino from the comfort of your home with Nuebe Gaming's Live Dealer Roulette. European Roulette offers a more beginner-friendly experience compared to its American counterpart. With a single zero on the wheel, the house edge is lower, providing a slightly better chance of winning. Live Dealer Roulette allows you to witness the spinning wheel in real-time, adding a layer of excitement to your gameplay.

Essential Tips for Maximizing Beginner's Luck at Nuebe Gaming
Now that you've discovered some top games for beginners, let's explore some key tips to enhance your experience at Nuebe Gaming:

• Start with Free Games (if available): Many reputable online casinos, like Nuebe Gaming (if applicable), offer free-play versions of popular games. Utilize these to practice your skills, experiment with different games, and discover what you enjoy before playing for real money. Free games allow you to test the waters without risking your bankroll.
• Embrace Bonuses and Promotions: Nuebe Gaming, like many online casinos, entices players with bonuses and promotions. Welcome bonuses, deposit match bonuses, and free spins can boost your bankroll and extend your gameplay. However, always read the terms and conditions associated with these offers to ensure you understand any wagering requirements before claiming them. Choose bonuses suitable for beginners, often catering to specific games like slots.
• Set a Budget and Stick to It: Before playing at Nuebe Gaming, allocate a realistic amount of money specifically for online casino gaming and stick to it religiously. Never gamble with money you can't afford to lose. By setting a budget, you can ensure your online casino experience remains fun and responsible.
• Focus on Entertainment: Approach online casino games at Nuebe Gaming as a form of entertainment, not a guaranteed path to riches. Set win and loss limits beforehand and walk away when you reach them. Chasing losses can quickly diminish your beginner's luck and enjoyment.

I created an account last weekend, deposited $100, got up to about $300 then stopped playing. I try to login today, but my password was incorrect n they locked my account, so I simply reset my password. When I put in my new password it said I was still locked n I had to contact the live agent. The live agent said he unlocked my account after a couple mins, but when I tried to login, I got a new error. Now instead of it saying I was locked, I just get a banner at the top of my screen that says “Error” when I try to log in. When I told the live agent this, he said to refresh my page so I did. That didn’t fix it n the live agent chat ended since I refreshed. I try to start a new live agent chat but I can’t cus it just gives me an error. I try to send an email thru the website but I can’t cus all fields are required but I can’t put a subject. I try to call customer service but they cancelled their line. I try to repeat my steps n put my password in incorrectly, but it still gives me the same error. I download the desktop app, but that won’t even load; just a black screen. So there goes ~$300 of mine + my ability to play online poker
TL;DR: I got my password wrong n it locked my account n now I can’t login at all or reach customer support so my account + $250-300 is likely gone forever

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Best Offshore Sportsbook for 2024

Offshore Sportsbooks: Competitive Odds, Diverse Markets, and Freedom to Wager

What Sets Offshore Sportsbooks Apart?
The landscape of sports betting is rapidly evolving, with offshore sportsbooks emerging as a compelling alternative for wagerers. But what exactly are they, and how do they differ from their state-licensed counterparts?
Offshore sportsbooks operate under licenses issued by international regulators, often situated in countries like Costa Rica, Curacao, or Panama. These licenses empower them to cater to customers across numerous jurisdictions, including the US. In essence, this translates to a broader regulatory framework compared to state-by-state restrictions.
Safety and Security: Top Priorities for Offshore Sportsbooks
Security is paramount for any online betting platform. Fortunately, reputable offshore sportsbooks prioritize this aspect. They undergo rigorous licensing procedures, compelling them to demonstrate fair play, robust security measures, and responsible customer protection protocols. This ensures a safe and secure environment for you to wager on your favorite sports.
Beyond the Basics: Unmatched Selection and Competitive Advantages
The best offshore sportsbooks go beyond merely replicating the offerings of state-licensed operators. They often provide a wider array of betting options, competitive odds, and potentially more lucrative bonuses and promotions. This translates to a more dynamic and potentially rewarding betting experience.
So, Are Offshore Sportsbooks Right for You?
The decision ultimately rests on your individual preferences and priorities. Offshore sportsbooks provide a compelling option for those seeking diverse betting markets, competitive odds, and the freedom to wager on their terms. However, it's crucial to choose well-established and reputable platforms that prioritize safety and fair play.

Why Bet at Offshore Sportsbooks

The allure of offshore sportsbooks is undeniable. But what exactly makes them so popular among bettors? Here's a breakdown of the key benefits that keep users coming back for more:

• Boosted Bankrolls: Bigger Bonuses & Regular Promos

Offshore sportsbooks are renowned for their generous bonuses and promotions. New user signup bonuses can reach into the thousands, especially when using cryptocurrency. Plus, there's a constant stream of ongoing promotions throughout the month, maximizing your betting potential.

• Fast and Secure Banking: The Power of Crypto

Cryptocurrency deposits and withdrawals are a staple at offshore sportsbooks. Enjoy the ease of swift transactions with minimal processing times, and in some cases, even instant payouts.

• Wagering Freedom: Available in Most States & No Geolocation Hassles

Unlike state-licensed operators, offshore sportsbooks bypass geolocation restrictions. This means you can wager freely from most US states, without any limitations.

• Keeping Your Winnings: No Taxes Withheld

Federal regulations require licensed operators to report winnings exceeding a certain threshold and withhold taxes accordingly. Offshore sportsbooks, however, don't report winnings to the IRS, leaving you in control of your tax obligations.

• Enhanced Odds: Lower Costs, Better Returns

Offshore sportsbooks benefit from lower operational costs due to the absence of state taxes. These savings translate into more competitive odds for you, potentially increasing your returns.

• Diverse Betting Options

Beyond the perks mentioned above, offshore sportsbooks often boast a wider selection of betting markets compared to their state-regulated counterparts. This allows you to place wagers on a broader range of events and explore new betting opportunities.

Offshore Sportsbook Bonuses: Bigger Bankrolls, Better Bets

Offshore sportsbooks have carved a niche in the betting landscape, and a major reason for their popularity lies in their enticing bonus structures. Unlike state-licensed operators, offshore sportsbooks offer a wider array of bonuses with significantly higher values. Let's delve into the treasure trove of bonuses that await you:

• Welcome Offers: A Kickstart for Your Betting Journey

Signing up at an offshore sportsbook unlocks a generous welcome bonus, typically a deposit match bonus. This bonus essentially matches a percentage of your initial deposit, potentially doubling your bankroll right from the start. Some welcome packages might even include free bets or bonus bets, further amplifying your betting power.

• Deposit Match Bonuses: Fueling Your Bets with Extra Cash

A staple in the world of offshore sportsbook bonuses, deposit match bonuses are straightforward and rewarding. The sportsbook matches your deposit by a predefined percentage, up to a specified maximum amount. For instance, a 100% deposit match bonus up to $500 would double your initial deposit, providing you with an extra $500 to wager on.

• No Deposit Bonuses: Free Money, Free Play

Considered the holy grail of sportsbook bonuses, no deposit bonuses are rare gems. These bonuses grant you free credit to use at the sportsbook, allowing you to place bets without risking your own funds. While the credit amount might be modest, it's a fantastic opportunity to try out the platform and potentially turn it into real winnings.

• Bonus Bets: Taking a Free Shot at Victory

Bonus bets, often part of welcome packages or bundled with deposit match bonuses, are essentially free wagers. Any winnings accrued from a bonus bet (minus the initial stake) are yours to keep. Imagine a $25 bonus bet that wins you $75; you'd pocket a cool $50 in profit!

• Ongoing Promotions: A Stream of Rewards for Loyal Bettors

The party doesn't stop at the welcome bonus. Offshore sportsbooks keep their customers engaged with a steady stream of ongoing promotions. These can encompass deposit bonuses, bonus bets, special event wagers, parlay offers, and the ever-popular odds boosts.

• Odds Boosts: Enhanced Profits for Savvy Bettors

Odds boosts elevate the potential payout on specific wagers, increasing your earning potential. These are typically offered for marquee events or specific bet types within an event or sport.

• Parlay Insurance: A Safety Net for Your Multi-Leg Wagers

A parlay bet combines multiple wagers (legs) into a single bet. Parlay insurance softens the blow of losing a parlay by just one leg. While you won't receive your full winnings, you might get your original stake or a portion of it back, mitigating your losses.

• Loyalty Bonuses: Reap the Rewards of Being a Regular

Engaging with a sportsbook's loyalty program unlocks exclusive bonuses not available to casual bettors. These bonuses can mirror any of the previously mentioned options or even extend to real-world rewards like tickets to sporting events.
By understanding and leveraging the diverse array of offshore sportsbook bonuses, you can significantly enhance your bankroll, explore new betting opportunities, and potentially maximize your profits. Remember to explore various sportsbooks and compare their bonus structures to find the one that best suits your betting preferences.

Offshore Sports Betting in the US: A Comprehensive Guide

The world of sports betting is rapidly evolving, and offshore sportsbooks have emerged as a compelling option for American bettors. But with so much information to navigate, it's crucial to understand the legalities, accessibility, and benefits of offshore wagering.
Is Offshore Sports Betting Legal in the US?
The legality of offshore sports betting hinges on two key factors:

• PASPA Repeal: In 2018, the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act (PASPA) was repealed, giving individual states the authority to regulate sports gambling within their borders. Many states have since legalized and launched their own sports betting markets.
• Federal Laws: There are currently no federal laws prohibiting US citizens from wagering at offshore sportsbooks. These entities operate under licenses issued by international gaming authorities, allowing them to serve customers in the US.

The Mobile Advantage: Betting on the Go
While you won't find dedicated apps for offshore sportsbooks, all our recommended operators offer seamless mobile betting through their websites. Simply visit the site on your smartphone or tablet, sign up, deposit funds, and start placing wagers. These mobile platforms are designed for optimal functionality and provide an experience comparable to dedicated apps.
Finding the Right Offshore Sportsbook
With numerous offshore sportsbooks catering to US players, choosing the best fit requires careful consideration. Here are some factors to keep in mind:

• Reputation and Licensing: Look for established sportsbooks with licenses from reputable gaming jurisdictions like Curacao. These licenses ensure fair play, security measures, and responsible gambling practices.
• Betting Markets and Odds: Explore the variety of sports and events offered, along with the competitiveness of the odds. Top offshore sportsbooks boast a wide range of markets and attractive odds for bettors.
• Bonuses and Promotions: Take advantage of generous welcome bonuses, reload promotions, and ongoing loyalty programs to maximize your bankroll and potential returns.

Some of the highly-rated offshore sportsbooks for US players include BetOnline, Everygame, Bovada, BetWhale, and TG Casino. Popular alternatives encompass Jazz Sports, SportsBetting.ag, BetUS, and BetNow.
Taxes and Reporting:

• Offshore Sportsbooks: Offshore sportsbooks themselves do not report winnings to the IRS. However,
• US Taxpayers: It's your responsibility to report gambling winnings to the IRS and your state tax authorities. Consulting a tax professional is recommended to ensure compliance with all applicable regulations.

Funding Your Bets: Payment Methods
Offshore sportsbooks typically provide two main deposit and withdrawal options:

• Cryptocurrency: Cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin offer fast, fee-free transactions (excluding minimal mining fees) and eliminate the need for third-party involvement.
• Traditional Methods: Credit/debit cards are convenient but may incur fees and are not always suitable for withdrawals. Bank wire transfers are another option, but often come with high processing fees.

Important Note: As of now, offshore sportsbooks do not accept PayPal or other popular eWallets (Neteller, Skrill) due to limitations imposed by these payment processors.
By understanding the legalities, mobile accessibility, key considerations for choosing a sportsbook, and payment methods, you can confidently navigate the world of offshore sports betting in the US. Remember to gamble responsibly and always prioritize licensed and reputable platforms.

Ready to Start Betting?

Top Offshore Sportsbooks for 2024

1. Bovada – Best Online Sportsbook for US customers

• Why #1: Closest offshore site to Fanduel & Draftkings
• Founded: 2011
• Licensed by: Curacao
• Payment Methods: 6+ cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, courier, wire transfer, vouchers
• Withdrawal Speed: Instant to 24h
• Restricted States: DE, MD, NV, NJ, NY
• Promo Code: BTCSWB750 = 75% First Deposit Bonus to $750

See current Bovada new customers promotions HERE

2. MyBookie – Fast mobile betting & lots of promotions

• Why #2: Prop bets and more props added constantly
• Founded: 2014
• Licensed by: Curacao
• Payment Methods: 10 cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, person2person
• Withdrawal Speed: 48-72 hours
• Restricted States: DE, MD, NV, NJ, NY
• Promo Code: CRYPTO100 = 100% Bonus to $1,000

See current MyBookie new customer promotions HERE

3. SportsBetting.ag – Operates in all 50 states

• Why #3: 100% welcome bonus & travel anywhere & still bet
• Founded: 2003
• Licensed by: Panama Gambling Control Board
• Payment Methods: 15+ cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, person2person, money orders, wire transfers, checks
• Withdrawal Speed: 24-48 hours
• Restricted States: None
• Promo Code: DOUBLEUP = 100% Bonus to $500 use 2x

See current Sportsbetting ag new customer promotions HERE

4. BetOnline – Clone of Sportsbetting ag but not as good of a welcome bonus

• Why #4: Casino, poker, esports, racebook - bet everything
• Founded: 2001
• Licensed by: Panama Gaming Commission
• Payment Methods: 15+ cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, money orders, wire transfers
• Withdrawal Speed: Instant to 48h
• Restricted States: NJ
• Promo Code: CRYTPO100 = 100% Bonus to $1,000

See current BetOnline new customer promotions HERE

5. XBet – MyBookie clone for lower limit bettors

• Why #5: Lower limits & rewards program designed for smaller bettors
• Founded: 2014
• Licensed by: Curacao
• Payment Methods: 10 cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, person2person
• Withdrawal Speed: 48 hours
• Restricted States: NY, NJ, NV, PA
• Promo Code: XBET50 = 50% First Deposit Bonus to $500

See current XBET new customer promotions HERE

These last two Sportsbooks are more for higher limit bettors

1. BetUS – High limits on sides and totals

• Why #1: If you want to make a living betting you need high limits
• Founded: 1994
• Licensed by: Curacao
• Payment Methods: 4 cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, cash transfers, wire transfers, ewallets
• Withdrawal Speed: 24-48 hours
• Restricted States: None
• Promo Code: JOIN200 = 200% up to $5,000

See current BetUS new customer promotions HERE

2. BUSR – High limits and a $2,500 welcome bonus

• Why #2: US focused on major sports and horse betting
• Founded: 2020
• Licensed by: Curacao
• Payment Methods: 4 cryptocurrencies, credit/debit cards, person2person
• Withdrawal Speed: 72 hours
• Restricted States: None
• Promo Code: SPORTS100FP = 100% First Deposit Bonus to $1,500

See current BUSR new customer promotions HERE
For more sports, casino, poker and other online gaming promotions from top offshore casinos.
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Last night my university appeared on the news.
As I watched the broadcast, listening to my old television set sputter and cough like a used car engine, I swore the temperature plummeted several degrees. The newscaster was still droning on in the background but it could’ve just been static. Meaningless.
It is always the same with this news broadcast. Burned and charred stone and concrete lying around in a pentagon in a way that could make any abstract artist proud. I try, whenever it comes up, to ignore everything scrolling on the screen. Or at the very least, skim through the programme. The less details I remember, the better.
But every time, my eyes are drawn to one tiny thing on the screen. It stands out screaming, a splash of red in an ocean of black. I can’t forget it no matter how hard I try, and it slips into my nightmares and I wake up screaming.
A rune of a blood-stained sword, inked in red and carved neatly in the stone.
“This is our pride and joy,” he nodded, gesturing to a rune of a blood-stained sword. His sunflower name badge read James and he was cute. Tousled hair, playful freckles–the works.
I swear girls swooned when they saw him.
The year was 2004 and I wished fighting over James was the least of our problems. Even now, during orientation week, a great hush fell over our little tour group. Everyone shifted their feet nervously and tied their fingers into knots.
James laughed.
“The stories about Helena Sword? That’s just it. Stories.”
“All the stuff you heard about her before you came here, they’re simply not true. Just something stupid to scare the freshies, that’s all.”
He trailed off in the middle of his speech, staring off into the distance.
“It’s been a thousand years after all…”
He laughed again, but it was as empty as the wind blowing down the halls. He cracked a smile, but his face was pale like the rest of us.
“Anyway,” he said, “the library is just down this hallway too. When our founder, Sir Gallus, founded this place, he sought out books from all over the world…”
As the rest of the tour moved on, I couldn’t help but stay behind. I was no archeologist, but there was something about this rune that would not let me go. I stroked the rune, fascinated by how my fingers crossed tall ridges and tiny valleys. It was very simply carved, almost like a child’s drawing of a sword brought to life, but as I turned to catch up with everyone else, I realised I wasn’t alone.
She was pretty, a girl around my height and build, with striking red curls and a rather long neck, almost like a giraffe. A tattoo poked out behind long blue sleeves, dressed in red ink. The girl turned to me and grinned sheepishly.
“Are you lost?”
I frowned. “Sorry?”
“The tour group moved on without you,” she stated, pointing ahead. Indeed I could hear James’ voice in the distance, rambling on about the portraits in the halls. I looked back at her and she nodded grimly.
“My name is Ginny,” she said, extending her hand. I shook it. It was as cold as ice. In fact, when I looked at her, it was like gazing at an ice sculpture, with frosty eyes and dainty lips.
“It’s my first day here too. Except well…my parents brought me here yesterday. So I know this school inside out. Do you want me to show you around? You don’t need that tour group. Especially since they well…abandoned you.”
My head was suddenly foggy. “Yes, please,” I mumbled.
In spite of her offer, Ginny didn’t say much as we walked through the campus. Didn’t point out anything interesting landmarks or anything like that; didn’t talk much about herself either. Instead we wandered through the grounds, enjoying each other’s company. It was the beginning of autumn, and golden leaves were falling down and the trees looked like they were on fire. Overhead we could hear migrating birds singing. It was lovely.
Eventually we reached my dorm.
And hers.
Ginny was my roommate. I found it strange, since I didn’t recall having a roommate or asking for one; and even if I did, wouldn’t I be informed of it months ago? Someone that I would share my life with for the next three years? But then she looked at me and smiled and all my questions flew out of my head. I mumbled a yes to her offer of assistance and we spent the rest of the afternoon making our dorm look like home.
Then we went down for dinner and were joined in the mess hall by two other girls, Ivy and Cleo, who told us their room would be next door to us. We sat down with our mashed potatoes and roast chicken and they immediately drummed up conversation, talking about their lives before they came to university, what they hoped to achieve during their time here, and everything in between.
“So what are you guys studying?” Ivy asked.
“Psychology,” I said. Helping people has always been a lifelong dream.
“Computer Science,” Ivy and Cleo said at the same time.
We all looked at Ginny. She stared back, completely taken aback by the question.
“Um,” she said, “Computer Science too, I suppose. That’s getting popular, right?”
“Yup,” Ivy mumbled, her head bowed over her mashed potatoes like a broken flower. “Everyone is fighting to get their slice of the Internet these days…”
We continued our meal in silence, the conversation suddenly over. We walked up together, too, and it felt strangely uncomfortable. A dark cloth had fallen over our little group, leaving behind an itch we could never scratch.
Finally we reached our dorms and we looked at each other.
“Well, good night then,” Ivy said. Cleo was already inside and I could hear her brushing her teeth.
“See you at breakfast.”
“Good night,” I said. Ivy nodded and closed the door.
Ginny was already in her bunk, her nose in a book. There was already a stack next to her, as tall as a mountain, and by the glare in her eyes, passionate and intense as fire, it looked like she was going to be reading all night.
“Don't classes start next week?” I asked with a frown.
“Yeah,” Ginny said distractedly. Her eyes were glued to the pages and she was flipping through them so fast her hands were a blur. “Just wanted to get started so I’ll be well-prepared, that’s all.”
She peered down at me, her icy blue eyes fixated on my muddy brown ones. “Go to bed. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I mumbled, and soon I slipped away from the real world for a world of restless dreams.
For some reason, I woke up in the middle of the night.
I got my torch from under the bed and checked the time on my alarm clock. 4am.
Great.
I lay down on my pillow with my eyes open. I strained my ears, listening out for the sounds of nature. Back home there were birds that sang no matter what time it was, porcupines and rats scavenging around our trash, and crickets that performed symphonies that lulled me into slumber.
But out here there was nothing.
Great.
I couldn’t even hear my roomie. I didn’t really peg Ginny as the type who snored, but her bunk felt…empty. I peered upwards and couldn’t make out her shapeless form huddled beneath her blankets. Books were strewn all over her bunk, their pages wide open like the wings of lost paper birds.
I yawned and squeezed my eyes shut. It was too early to do anything and as Ginny said, we had a lot of things to do tomorrow.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh!!
It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Or rather, that of a clawed hand scraping down someone’s flesh, their hooked nails peeling off their skin in strips.
I groaned and smashed my pillow against my ears, but even my fluffy shield did nothing to muffle the loud screeches that rattled from my ears down my spine and to my toes.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh!!
I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I wobbled out of bed, clutching the bed frame as the world spun in front of my eyes. I breathed deep as another eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh screamed in my eardrums, making my hair stand on end.
Then I heard someone scream.
Was that Ginny? An image tore through my mind of my roommate in the corner, slowly strangled by rusty iron chains that curled around her body like venomous snakes. I know I shouldn’t open the door–it is a critical mistake made by so many horror movie heroines–but the thought of Ginny, alone, made my heart shiver.
So I yanked open the door.
There was Ginny, frozen like a popsicle stick. The shadows gathered and morphed into a hooded figure that blanketed her bodice.
Something—someone—slithered towards her, dragging behind a long blade. Eeeeeeeeeeeh
Ginny opened her mouth. Was she screaming?
But no, the silhouette brushed up against her skin and whooshed right past her, disappearing into the dorms. Ginny looked over, saw me screaming, then ran over and knocked me back in the room, locking the door shut.
“Are you okay?” she asked urgently.
I nodded a yes. Everything I felt at that moment couldn’t be put into words. It was dammed somewhere in the back of my throat, fighting to get out.
But I just couldn’t.
“What did you see?”
Nothing. Just nothing. My mind was blank. Everything was a hazy mess zooming around through my neural pathways. I sat down and rubbed my head. The room was spinning out of focus.
I needed to sleep.
“Yeah, sleep tight,” Ginny said kindly, pushing my blanket up to my neck. I curled up like a cooked prawn and breathed in deep. It smelled like home.
“Good night, Ginny,” I mumbled.
“Good night.”
We woke up to a sea of noisy chatter. It sounded like a thousand parrots squawking at the same time.
Eyes closed, mine still hazy, I stretched—and immediately bumped my head against the wooden frame.
Ow.
People were talking—no, shouting. It rang in my ears like a bloodcurdling scream. I groaned and attempted to muffle it with my pillow above my ears. Why do people have to be so goddamn loud?
Finally I gave up and sat up straight, forcing my crusty eyes open. Ginny was already gone, and her nightgown was draped across the top bunk like a country flag. The door was creaking in the wind. It slammed against the wall and came back strong.
Ow
Ginny came back. Without a word she took me by the arm and dragged me out of the room. There was a crowd mulling outside Ivy and Cleo’s dorm and as we passed I could hear snippets of their conversation:
“Dead…”
Ginny marched past them and took me down the stairs and to the mess hall, her eyes staring straight ahead like the world had vanished around her. Then she sat me down on one of the benches, took a sip of water and stared at me, her face white and shaking.
“WHAT?”
Even in the foggy haze of sleep, the bizarreness of the morning and the crowds outside the dorms were getting to me. All I had was questions, and I hated having so many questions.
For the first time since I met her, Ginny’s eyes didn’t meet mine. “So uh, you know the guy leading you around yesterday? When we first met?”
The description scratched my memory, and then I remembered. Tall and lanky, with tousled brown hair, freckles and a charming smile. He had a sunflower lanyard pinned on a checkered shirt–and that badge contained a name.
“James?”
“He…”. Ginny took a deep breath.
“He is dead. They found his body this morning.”
Ginny was still talking but I was barely listening. I only met this boy yesterday but it felt like I knew him forever. I felt like I was being pulled under, my reality torn asunder, everything that I know just…shattering around me.
Dead?
My throat was dry. Closing up. I sounded like a strangled cat.
“Yes,” Ginny confirmed dryly.
I looked at the two empty seats opposite me and that momental wave of dizziness turned into nausea.
“Bathroom,” I said.
Ginny watched me go, unblinking.
I rushed to the first unlocked toilet I found, ignoring the glares of girls already in queue. I gagged and watched my dinner and what little of my breakfast I had eaten swirl down the bowl. Then I flushed and staggered out. Everything was lit up way too bright; the chattering of students heading to their classes was way too loud; and I sat down in the corridor and closed my eyes.
I wasn’t sure how long I was out, because the next thing I knew someone was shaking me awake and helping me on my feet
“Come on,” Ivy said.
Her voice was brittle, her face pale. She was as fragile as stained glass, and she could barely walk herself. We limped together, nearly tripping over each other as we went up the stairs, until we collapsed, tangled between each other in a rope of legs.
That was when I felt something sharp brush across my cheek, drawing blood.
I looked up to see a hooded figure standing above us, wearing black gloves and a cloak made out of human skin. Her eyes were glowing crimson as she raised the sword. Rust gleamed at its sides like dew.
The sword slammed down, nearly missing Ivy’s leg.
We looked at each other, barely breathing, barely a word said between us. Then as if on command we got up and hightailed it back to our dorms. Through the shadows as we ran I could see a girl my age watching.
Her red curls shone in the dark like fire.
Ivy slammed the door behind us and shoved chairs up the edge to boot. I wasn’t sure it could hold a sword slicing through a wooden door but it would have to do.
Ivy sat on the bed and closed her eyes, whispering prayers in her native language. I didn’t feel like talking either
Author's Notes
If I remember correctly, this one is about a student who haunts the university 300ish years after her death. She is a witch, immortal and summoned by touching ruins. Her main weapon is the titular sword and instead of wielding it herself she hypnotises other students to kill for her.
The next scene is Cleo framed for killing James, the first sinister look at her powers of hypnosis.
The ending reveals that Ginny (taken from Ginerva, a romanized version of Queen Guinevre, yes me and JK Rowling had the same line of thinking) and Helena Sword is the same person and hypnotising all the other students. She dies when the narrator burns the school to the ground accidentally while trying to get away, ending the curse and resulting in the ruins at the start of the flashback.

Intent: To unlock the secret mind power of the "Cave-Genius" (Also called Cave-Bond**)
Opening Remarks: The 'Caveman' such as it is depicted in the old racist history books was probably never a thing. There was never just a dumb brute who was a barely human.
In my own personal mythology/headcanon, the 'caveman' is the opposite. A genius.
Ancient Aliens... bah... all that crazy stuff that we dont know how they made, that was done by humans... humans who were really smart, and really in tune with... for lack of a better word, fengshui.
Nearly everyone has had the experience while on a camping trip of pulling a stick, almost from thin air, that is the perfect stick to solve some problem that occurred on the trip. Be it a hiking staff, a tent pole, a fire poker.... etc.
Its not just the manifestation of the tools that was magic, but the 'ritual' you preformed with the tool that was magic. People might have even looked at whatever you were doing as if you were crazy until you were done AND IT FUCKING WORKED.
That's what we're going for here.... some 'Coral castle' shit.... im talking about unlocking the brain power of doing high level engineering but without math OR thinking, without any of the lag time of having to process that information. Instantaneous instinctual engineering.
This is already a thing im pretty good at, but the demands in my life are approaching the need for constant miracle working on this level, and as with any such thing, I need to do intense training.
There are a few "get outside in your environment" type meditation/homework assignments that im going to do for myself over the course of a few weeks, which i have designed to help stimulate thinking in this mode. If anyone is interested, they will be posted here at some time around when i plan to do them, and I am interested in tge different experiences that might be had by anyone who does follow along.
Spoiler: Experiment 1 is "Stick, is Good"
**Cave-Bond is a reference to Sean Connery's character in the film "Zardoz" who is a cavemen, who has all the powers of James Bond, except that Zardoz is set in the future... so I guess Conan is more appropriate depiction of cave-bond. Primal, and yet simultaneously evolutionarily superior.

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Discord discord.gg/emberrp
Website emberroleplay.com
Socials Youtube - Tiktok - Twitter
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Activities
🏎️ Racing System - Feel confident enough to take on other people in the city to challenge them to a streetrace? Look no further, we have this available for all our players!
🎳Bowling - Wish to hang out and chill for bit while competing for fun? Try out bowling with you buddies, for some relax time.
⛳Golf - Who doesn’t like a chill/relax time playing a good game of golf? Enjoy your free time playing alone or with friends to just kill some time while you just chilling.
🎱 Pool - Want to take a break from your hard work? Compete with your buddies in pool or even chill out by yourself. Grab a drink and have fun!
💪 Arm Wrestling - Always wanted to see which person is stronger? Why not try and challenge each other in a arm wrestling battle. May the strongest person win!
🎣 Fishing - Pass your time with some relaxing fishing, simple but clean fishing expierence for everybody to access.
🦌 Hunting - Always loved to hunt some animals? We have a legal hunting system for you to enjoy! Head up north to check it out.
🛹Skateboarding - When you first fly in our city you will receive a skatingboard for free! This will be your simple way to travel around our city. Near our Tinsel Apartments (And a few more spots blipped on our map) you can always rent a car if you wish to do so.
🎰 Casino - Is gambling something you love to do? Then you are at the right place! Our city offers a fully working service with Blackjack, Slot Machines, Roulette, 3 card poker & Lucky Wheel. You can win a 1 of 1 car from the wheel if lucky! Those are extremely rare cars because you can’t win or buy those anywhere else!
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Public Jobs
🚕 Downtown Cab - Are you that person who loves to drive around a lot? Why not check out our taxi job! Get decent payment while making sure your customers getting from A to B. Just make sure you drive safe!
🏡Gardening - Have you always wanted to help people keep their garden clean? Then this is the ideal job for you!
🧑‍🌾 Farming - Are you that person who loves to farm? Look no further who got you covered! Head up north to check out our farming system, give yourself some good chill vibes.
🚚PostOp - You will be picking up packages from companies. Make sure to deliver them to earn yourself some reputation to unlock a new feature!
🚐 Gruppe6 - Are you ready to pickup some moneybags while proctecting these bags? Then this is for you! With a fully selfmade reputation system which you earn some after each job completed. Higher Rep will unlock new features! Be aware of any risk!
⛏️ Mining - Always been fascinated by earning some money from mining? Look no further and grab your pickaxe and start mining while earning yourself some reputation at the same time.
🛻 Tow Driver - Work for the city of Los SAntos as a Two Truck Driver. Pick up abandoned cars around the city and take them back towards the impound for a bit of cash. Or simply help out the police by towing cars.
🚛 Sanitation - Help the city of Los Santos stay clean by collecting trashbags from the garbage containers. Once you finished your job you get a decent payment and also gain reputation after! Keep a look out though, you might find something helpful while working!
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Whitelised Jobs
👮 Law Enforcement - Do you have it what it takes to keep the streets clean from all the criminal activities and secure safety for the people living in Los Santos? Make sure get your application
🚑 Emergency Medical Services **- You know every live matters, and wish to take care of all the civilians in our city while saving people in the process? Then check out our EMS application, we need you!
🧑‍🌾 Mechanic - Do you love to work on cars & help out our civilians with broken cars or simply tune their cars towards their liking? Then you should check out our mechanics in the city!
⚖️ Law - Become a Lawyer, Judge, or even the district attorney for the state and fight or represent the people of Los Santos. They may be the lowest of the low, but someone has to defend them, and for the right amount of money, you very well maybe that person. Besides, it’s innocent until proven guilty, and you’ve made it your life’s goal to prove they’re innocents, even if they were caught red-handed.
🚐 Real Estate - Always wanted to sell houses and make some decent money while doing so? We got you covered with our amazing looking house
🗨️ And a lot more!
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City Pictures
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"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and welcome to my Letsplay! Today I am back from my medically mandated break from playing human videogames after a rather... cathartic experience with a game called Teardown. Subnautica, even among humans, is labeled as a notorious experience with... mixed reception for its sequel. A survival crafting game apparently. I have experience with those so presumably the gameplay loop should be predictable enough. So... Let's go in!"
Spiffle starts the game, going for standard Survival Mode, with aspects of food and water mechanics alongside health and oxygen. The game loads very, very fast with Spiffles overpowered computer, and the introduction sequence begins. The camera pans to the panicked sight of the payer character moving down a ladder followed by a sight of a starship above exploding.
"Oh dear... oh dear! They weren't kidding about survival! Do I even survive this or am I a ghost or something..."
The pod rattles, the screen shakes, a fire extinguisher falls from its mounting. Velocity causes the pod to dislodge a panel from a wall and it flies around the cabin. The panel flies into the player's screen, making it go black.
"Oh... well okay then. I uh... well."
Spiffles' character awakens and panics at the buttons securing him to the seat. Spiffle quickly figures out that fire in this game is in fact bad, and grabs the fire extinguisher, putting the fire out. The game's introduction plays, showing his PDA, the game's inventory UI.
"Oh! I have seen these things in real life when visiting human stations! Do all humans have these?"
Spiffle starts exploring the escape pod, noting all of the damage to the radio beacon and the wiring panel.
"Hmm... craft the repair tool... Well... For later I suppose. Now how do i-AH, the ladder!"
Spiffle clicks on the ladder and goes through the animation. The character exits and dramatically stands. Spiffle looks around. His face visibly pales as he looks in every direction, finding the only thing nearby that looks 'safe’ or like 'land' is the destroyed ship in the distance.
"Water... it's... water... everywhere! How big is this game's map!? Structural hull failure... zero human lifesigns detected. That's.. not nice. Well... Here we go!"
Spiffle jumps into the water. His mood changes, the underwater environment significantly different than above ground. The water is absolutely teeming with life and color, as Spiff swims towards a reef to stare at some coral. Spiff gets distracted and starts chasing a fish, specifically a Peeper, and grabs it.
"Oh! Good god! THAT'S how humans catch fish!? That's very... inefficient! What is this thing? Can I eat it? I know I'm supposed to take care of my food and water, so how do I eat it?"
Spiffle wanders about for a while, gathering resources and exploring his general location, eventually getting back to the pod. He had gathered up a decent amount of stuff while he was swimming around and accessed the Fabricator to see what was available.
"Ah! I see, the fabricator cooks things too. Uhm... cooked fish thing and... these transparent fish give me water bottles? Okay then! Well. Sorted for food anyway. Let's see. Copper wire, batteries. A Scanner? Does that mean I can like, scan things and tell what they are? And... Oxygen tank? Oh hell yes. I'll build that then."
Spiffle goes through the process of building a few things, checking out how the game's crafting system works, and spending more time collecting resources. He quickly realizes how much work he has to do and finally finishes making a Scanner.
"Okay then well... I can see how much time is going to be spent collecting resources so i'm going to edit all of that out and keep you all in the loop on all the fun parts instead."
Spiffle continues playing, inserting a creative, albeit mildly annoying fanciful scene transition in between resource loops. He comes to a cave looking for salt to make more equipment, when he encounters the first hostile enemy of the game: The Crashfish. He does not notice it at first, the strange sloppy noise it makes as its pod opens, the beast makes a terrible gurgly noise and charges straight at him.
"What is that noi-AH! OY! OI! OIIII what are you what are-!"
Spiffle is cut off as the fish explodes, causing him to lose half his health. He quickly surfaces and takes a breath.
"Okay then... OKAY... THAT... makes absolutely no sense from an evolutionary perspective... but okay then. Avoid those. What even was that? I can't even scan it because it was moving so fast! Gods... exploding fish."
Spiffle shakes his head and resumes his hunt for resources, eventually finding enough for a repair tool. He makes the repair of the pods' broken wiring and looks around a bit more, noting some of the details in the game.
"Hard to believe these games are over eight hundred years old! I keep getting requests to play 'them gud ol' gamez' instead of any new releases. Maybe I'll get to those eventually. I have quite the backlog though."
Spiffle quickly tabs out and shows the huge list of human made games on his list that he has been gifted or purchased himself. The list includes Space Marine, Starship Troopers, Spyro Trilogy, Crash Bandicoot, and so... so many more.
"I am also told about this thing called 'anime', whatever that is. Maybe I should look into that. Anyway..."
Spiffle shrugs for now and resumes playing, swimming around for a bit before finally deciding to use his scanner. He gets the first scan - the Acid Mushroom - and painstakingly reads the supplied article. He then goes on a scanning frenzy, scanning each thing he can find, comically chasing after various fish and objects, trying to scan them then taking an irritatingly long time to read the article aloud.
He gets to the point where he encounters his first real hostile enemy and tries to scan it. The stalker, of course, doesn't appreciate that, and attacks.
"Oooh what's this thing? Oh lovely, it's a big one. Can I scan it? The... Stalker? Oh okay is it friend-OW! NONONONO go away!"
Spiffle panics and scans it while running away from it, trying to swim backwards. He's so focused on scanning it he can't run far enough away that he gets ambushed by another Stalker nearby and manages to scan it just as he gets hit with his first Death in the game.
"Oh.... o...kay. Well... it seems things aren't as friendly as expected. I'm going to guess there's more things like that around. So... I'm just going to finish working on repairs and equipment then I'll take those things on."
Spiffle reads the article on the Stalker he scanned and spends more time collecting resources, scanning local entities and building the rest of the gear he has. Fins, high capacity O2 tank, rebreather and some more food and water which he stores in floating containers for later. He starts to explore a bit farther in search of fragments to scan and finds a Sand Shark, as well as a biome resembling a desert-like area. He encounters his first piece of the wrecked ship here.
"Oh! Hello! Pieces of wreckage! What are these for now do you suppose? Can I disassemble these for resources or-Oh! Is that a door? Oh! I'm supposed to go in here and look for things? How do I get in? Oh I can't. I need a laser cutter. Is one of those here? Need more fragments I guess..."
Spiffle gives up trying to enter and goes up for air, then returns to the floor to hunt for fragments. He eventually unlocks the Bioreactor, pieces of the Scanner room, a couple fragments of the Seaglide and Seamoth. He comes across the first cave entrance to the Mushroom Caves Biome.
"Oh... oh my. That's... deep. Good thing I unlocked the Seamoth thing. Its a miniature submarine I think. I can use that. But that's... kinda scary. I can't see the bottom. I kinda see just... purple. Mostly purple. But it scares me that I can't see the bottom."
Spiffle hangs around the cave entrance for a bit before a call for Oxygen forces him to the surface. He swims back down to the cave entrance and then hangs around a bit longer before once again resurfacing, heading for some new things to scan. It is however at this point that Spiffles exploration is cut short.
"EMERGENCY - SEISMIC READINGS SUGGEST A QUANTUM DETONATION HAS OCCURRED IN THE AURORA'S DRIVE CORE. THE CENTRAL DARK MATTER REACTOR WILL REACH A SUPERCRITICAL STATE IN -"
The computer aboard the PDA shakes Spiff out of his daze and he quickly rushes to the surface and looks at the ship.
"Wait wait wait what's that!? What's going on!? I see the ship? The Aurora! That's what its name is? Whats a Dark Matter reactor and wha-"
The computer continues its countdown muffled by Spiffs panicked squealing and he has a front-row seat to one of the most spectacular explosions in the history of gaming - the Aurora's Reactor Detonation.
It happens. The world goes dead silent for a short moment, and one can see Spiffles heart visibly stop beating. Then explosion as the Aurora lets out its magnificent blast. As the shockwave expands outwards, Spiffs skin visibly turns a paler shade of blue, and his eyes go wide. The sound of a geiger counter follows, leaving him breathless and pale as the world suddenly goes dead quiet again. The sound of the geiger counter ominously leaving him shaken even more than he already is.
"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE - THE RADIATION SUIT HAS BEEN ADDED TO YOUR BLUEPRINTS."
Spiffle stays completely silent, bobbing in the water for a solid few minutes, staring in shocked wonder at what he just witnessed. He regains his composure for a few short moments and returns to his scanning venture, but one can easily see he isn't in the right mind after that. He returns to the seabed, at the entrance to the mushroom caves and dives again. He does this several more times, popping up to the surface, looking at the shipwreck, then diving at the entrance again. Finally, after much hesitation, he dives one last time.
"Screw it. it's just a game right?"
He smiles at the camera with a shrug and swims far below the surface, into one of the caves. As he enters the cavern his jaw drops at the sight of a massive underwater cavern filled with gigantic glowing pink mushrooms. The Mushroom caves as they are known. He spots something in the distance, entranced, forgetting his oxygen situation. He cant get far however and a terrifying shriek of some unknown entity shakes him out of his stupor.
"What in the red dawn was that noise!?"
Spiff can't finish asking his invisible audience what's going on as he strays too close to a mushroom, occupied by a Crab Snake, a gigantic sea worm. He is grabbed from behind, spun around and he visibly panics as the giant worm digs its enormous tusks into Spiffles character. Spiffle immediately freaks out, a combination of both the terrifying shriek emitted by the creature and the shock of being attacked makes poor Spiffle jump out of his seat and duck under the table.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
The worm comes back and finishes Spiff off before his oxygen runs out. Spiff's character respawns but the footage continues, a slight whimper can be heard in the background as Spiff hides under the desk. This carries on for a few minutes, and his head very slowly appears above the desk. He gingerly puts himself back in his seat and breathes heavily for a bit. When he finally gains control, he tabs out of the game and takes a look at the wiki for Subnautica. He returns a few moments later and stares at the camera in that strange haunting glare he's become so famous for.
"WHY DO YOU STUPID DEVELOPERS NOT PUT GUNS IN THE GAME IF YOU HAVE SHIT LIKE THAT!? ARE YOU INSANE!?"
He grabs the camera and shakes it violently as he rants at it, questioning why there are guns in every other human game he has played and not THIS specific game, especially considering how there are 'giant water snake monsters that eat your face' in a game with no guns. He rants for a good minute or two then plays his outro.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you absolutely sure after Teardown, Factorio and Project ZOMBOID, you should be playing Subnautica? I mean seriously, try something less... psychologically terrifying. It's known as Thalassophobia Simulator for a reason."
_______________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and I still don't understand why we have giant worm monsters but we have no guns!"
Spiffle stares at the camera with an expression that can only be summarized as 'Seriously bruh?' and resumes his last playthrough. He becomes confused at the lack of stuff in his inventory.
"Why is my... Why do I not ha-Oh right... I was eaten. When you die your inventory is wiped... I need to build more tools then."
Spiffle starts some silly music, an alien version of Benny Hill to a montage of him collecting resources, occasionally ranting at various oddities and questioning game logic. He restores all of his tools then goes hunting for a Vehicle Bay fragment so he can build the Seamoth. He continues to scan what he can, developing something of an obsession with the task, then painstakingly reading every word about it to try and understand it. It is at this point Spiffle, during his explorations finds another derelict chunk of ship near the desert region, encountering his first Sand Shark.
"What... What is this? Oh... careful Spiff. This one looks angrier than the last one you found. Wh-What in oblivion!?"
Spiffles attention is once again diverted by the appearance of a Reefback Leviathan and its signature low drone. This one appears to be a fully grown adult.
"You-you... You've got to be... You gotta be fucking kidding me. A Juhara Eelfish!? WHAT IS THAT DOING IN A HUMAN VIDEOGAME!!!??"
Spiffle squeaks in shock as he sees a creature that is an absolute spitting image of a large oceanic dwelling sea creature, which is both the games and his native homeworlds version of a Whale. The Reefback has some dissimilarities, but its close enough to the real thing that Spiffle is genuinely shocked. He quickly pauses the game, opening various wikipedia articles, then displays a full picture of both Subnautica in game Reefback, and the Juhara-Kal-Rehar, colloquially known as a Juhara Eelfish, a shockingly similar creature that lives in his homeworlds oceans.
The only difference between them is the color of the exterior chitin shell. The Reefback has a blue/purple shell, the Juhara Eelfish's chitin has a red/green shell.
"WHEN was this game made!?"
Spiff checks, the current Earth-date is the year 2886. Humanity only entered the galactic community in 2752. Subnautica was released in 2018.
"HOW.... How is that even possible!? You didn't even know the galaxy existed until only a few decades ago, yet you almost PERFECTLY matched the appearance of one of our homeworlds native species! How is this even possible!? Okay. If the name matches then I have to call bullshit."
Spiffle approaches and scans it, then reads the data article.
"A... Reefback Leviathan? Oh thank God... Now let's see... A herbivorous creature that... that likely got so large due to the fact that its predators went extinct. Well... that's... okay... A hard chitinous shell of multiple layers, a microcosm of different creatures and flora growing from its back, hence the name. Hmmm..."
Spiffle gets that cold, empty stare on his face and glares menacingly at the camera. The screen goes black, then returns, seeing Spiffle nursing a beverage of some kind while wrapped in a blanket.
"I realized something... Call it a message from the Ancestors or a Divine revelation. But I have a funny feeling this isn't going to be the last time I see a creature from the galaxy represented in human media. I hope to the Gods that doesn't happen... the concept of this situation is nothing short of terrifying. In any case, I'm sorry about that. Lets.... let's continue."
Spiffle resumes where he left off, doing his usual routine of scanning, then obsessively reading. Eventually he unlocks the Vehicle Bay, and returns home to his pod where the situation with resources is growing obscene with at least fifty floating resource containers hovering around the area.
"Alright... A Vehicle Bay... This means I can build things like the Seamoth now. This will be nice. Right, I shall for the sake of my audience skip the resource collection mechanic that's here and focus on the actual result. I shan't waste my time either though. MONTAGE!"
Spiff yells excitedly and a montage to that same odd Benny Hill type music plays out, with him collecting the resources he needs to build both machines. Most of it is already in the floating containers strewn about. With a few visits to the fabricator, he compiles the Power Cell, Titanium Ingot and Lubricant he needs to make the Vehicle Bay. He deploys it and chases it to the surface just away from the pod in the deeper end of the shallows.
"Right... Not too hard. Let's see then, how do-Ah. Get on it and... The Seamoth. Cost of two glass, one titanium ingot, a powercell, lead and lubricant. Right."
He quickly gathers and makes everything he needs for the Seamoth, then stands on the platform ready to go. He chooses the Seamoths recipe and the sequence starts. His eyes light up as drones start flying around the platform, then begin assembling atom by atom, the small, adorable minisub known as the Seamoth. It finishes the process and flops into the water with a splash.
"My gods look at this thing! It's so cute!"
Spiffle explores the sub for a little while and hops inside it, testing the controls and playing around with it a bit to see what it can do.
"Hm... Maximum Depth, 200 meters? So if I go below that does it implode or something? I need to be careful of that. OH dammit I remember! I have to make that Radiation Suit don't I? I shall do so now!"
Spiffle seems to have found a new resolve, quickly gathering resources together and making both a Seaglide and radiation suit in short order.
"Does this thing have any weapons? How do I repair-Oh... Repair tool? That makes it easier I suppose. Now... Where do I go now? Is there anything I can do?"
Spiffle stumbles about in the blind for a few minutes, trying to figure out his next course of action beyond simply wandering aimlessly while scanning things. He gets back in the pod and fixes the radio beacon. His face visibly contorts into an expression of irritation when he hears his rescue is in 9999 hours. He resolves to come back every now and then to check the radio. He decides to gather more resources to make up for building the seamoth and comes back a bit later. He finds a radio transmission when he returns.
"RADIO: ▀▖┗▛Nine new biological subjects designated. Mode ▄▖▜▚┣: hunting/analyzing.
Sharing subject locations with other agents."
"What... in the Nine Hells was THAT!? Why was it in such an odd voice? What was that language? What were those letters!? Somethings going on here... SO now what? I have the radiation suit. i guess... go into the Aurora? Oh no, I'm not going in there unprepared! Lemme make some tools and spare batteries, then i'll go in. I need... Oh... I need more fragments is what I need."
Spiffle resumes his fragment hunt, looking around for fragments of various tools. He uses the Seamoth to traverse around.
"WHEEE!!!"
Spiff seems more than just a bit happy as he trundles around in the Seamoth, using his speed to launch himself out of the water. He splashes about a bit, testing the limits of the craft and trying to see what holes he can squeeze himself into or out of and how deep he can go.
"Okay okay. time to get to serious work. Now... I need to find... A Laser Cutter and a... STASIS RIFLE?! Wait... rifle? That means GUN! I NEED A GUN!!"
Spiffle charges forward towards the desert biome where he found the Reefback and resumes his search for things to scan. It is now he comes across a Reginald.
"What... IS this fish? Wait, let me just..."
He gets out of the Seamoth and scans it.
"Huh... Reginald. That's a... fish? It's so cute! Wait, come back friend!"
Spiffle spends an unreasonable amount of time trying to catch a Reginald. When he finally catches one he gets back in the Seamoth and heads towards the aurora, new friend in tow. He trundles over to the side of the crashed ship and scans some random stuff here and there, finding fragments to a few small items, including a few he needs such as a Powercell Charger for the Seamoth’s battery. He gets close to the front of the ship and the haunting, evil noise of Subnautica's most iconic killer suddenly echoes through the gloomy water.
"What... Was that? Is it another worm thing? Please don't let it be one of those..."
Spiffle wanders around the side for a bit longer. An ominous shadow looms in the background, catching his eye. He ignores it for the moment and simply carries on, eventually arriving at the entrance to the ship. Through the mangled steel and fire he squeezes into the front of the ship and looks around. The environment ominously rattles and his screen shakes as the ships structure isn't exactly stable. The howl of the creature in the shadows makes Spiff even more uncomfortable.
"I... Do NOT like this. I really dont."
Spiff parks the Seamoth where he can see a ramp leading up, and gets out. He is immediately accosted by Cave Crawlers and uses his knife to defend himself, poorly, but he gets rid of the three or four around him.
"WARNING: SCANS SHOW THE DIGESTIVE TRACTS OF INDIGENOUS LIFE FORMS CONTAIN HUMAN TISSUE."
Spiffs face turns an even paler shade of blue and he swallows visibly as if he's trying not to vomit.
"Yeuch... I can scan this thing and read it later. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."
Spiff scans and follows the path to the interior, uses his fire extinguisher to put out some fires in the area and gets inside. The ship rumbles as he wanders around and gets into one of the rooms. He finds the poster of the P.R.A.W.N. Suit.
"Ooh! A poster thing? Can I take it or? I can! PRAWN Suit eh? Can I actually use that thing?"
Spiff takes the poster, scans some furniture and collects a PDA. Spiff continues down the corridor and retrieves his Propulsion Cannon from his inventory and uses it to pick up some furniture in the way.
"I am SO glad I got this thing from scanning the area before I came here. This is super useful! I wonder if it has other uses..."
He gets to the door and looks at his databank.
"Hmm... Here it is! Code for the door is 1454. Right."
Spiff moves through, repairing a door to get the Seamoth Depth Upgrade Module. He continues and clears a fire to enter the main reactor. His inner loot goblin shines through and grabs the Cyclops engine efficiency module before he starts work on repairs, scanning the breach and starting work. It doesn't take him long, but he gets issues with a Bleeder that lives in the waters. He scans one then finishes repairs. Foolishly, he uses the propulsion cannon and shoots the bleeder at one of the reactors, undoing his work. He looks at the damage he caused and repairs it.
"Well... what was I expecting... Why did I do that? It's a CANNON... why did I aim it at the reactor exactly? So stupid..."
Spiff finishes and heads to the PRAWN Bay, and looks around at the damage. He spots the prawn suits and starts scanning, grabbing a storage module upgrade from a console and starts extinguishing flames so he can scan. He runs out of fire extinguisher juice though.
"Blast! Can I still scan these if they're on fire?"
Spiff walks around, finding cheeky angles he can use and scans the debris, finding all four fragments he needs. He heads upstairs and goes through the rooms and everything he can find. He gets into the Galley and sees the Kitty in a Space Helmet Poster.
"What the- 'Keep Calm'? What in the blue balls is this? It's.... cute! What is this creature!? Can I keep this? I can!"
Spiffle excitedly grabs the poster and moves on. He goes through cabins, picks up PDAs and collects the Natural Selection 2 poster, the Prawn suit in the sea poster and the collectible arcade toy in the locked cabin. Lacking the code to the Captain's cabin, he returns to the prawn bay and tries swimming around, eventually finding a passage in the hull debris to the rest of the ship. He moves through in silence, recovers the black box data and exits the ship. He removes debris, grabs the local wildlife with the cannon and tosses them into fires or the water with glee.
"BEGONE BEAST!!! Ha! Right... uhh... where did i park? Oh, there it is. Should I go home? I wonder if there are any fragments I can use around here?"
Spiff exits, finding Liefpod 4 floating upside down on the surface of the water. He collects the PDA data and a new blueprint. Then, as he gets in the seamoth, the horrifying roar of the Reaper Leviathan suddenly sounds. Spiff is thrown into a panic, screams in terror and tries desperately to get away. The beast appears with jaw chomping and claws clawing at the poor Seamoth. The entire time Spiffle is screeching like a bird with a broken leg, his entire body now an almost ghostly white out of absolute terror.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGODNONNONOGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
Spiffle manages to get out of its grip and in a panic charges away towards his lifepod and continues to scream, breathing hard between screams. He gets to the pod and then hides under his desk, continuing to scream. His channel outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: (This has been translated from Eridani) "I am starting to believe this whole sojourn was a very BAD idea. Do you humans have those kinds of beasts on your homeworld? How did you ever survive them?!"
RESPONSE: LOL no we never had Reapers. The only Leviathan Class creatures we have on our planet are Whales. And they're mostly peaceful plankton eaters. Mostly.
RESPONSE: (Translated from Eridani) "Seriously? I think I find it more terrifying that these creatures are made up in your minds. What kind of nightmares do you people have to be able to create this level of fiction!?"
RESPONSE: Do. Not. Ask. This is only Subnautica - we have FAR worse.
Spiffles response: "You're going to make me play these 'far worse', aren't you?"
RESPONSE: "Damn right we are! :)"
________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemnonk and welcome back to Subnautica!"
Spiffle looks visibly stronger, his usual lanky appearance now looking like he's been working out like a Gym Bro. One can see muscles on muscles and Spiff seems to have an abnormal amount of energy.
"I am now relaxed. It is now time to get eaten by giant scary sea monsters. And yes, before you ask, I have successfully finished fully soundproofing my office. And also yes, I am indeed expecting a new addition to the brood... THANKS DAMN HUMANS! You and your damn musical magic nonsense..."
Spiffle starts the game and is swimming outside the pod next to the Seamoth. The first thing he does is repair the seamoth from the damage incurred by the Reaper, and recounts what hes been up to, checking inventory and equipment. He heads to the radio and gets a new transmission.
RADIO - "This is Avery Quinn of trading ship Sunbeam. Aurora, do you read? Over.'
'Nothing but vacuum. These Alterra ships. They run low on engine grease, they send an SOS; you offer to help, they don't pick up.'
'Aurora, we're out on the far side of the system, it's going to take more than a week to reach your position, do you still need our assistance? Over.'
'I'll try them again tomorrow. Damn charter's going to have us wasting our profit margin running errands for Alterra.'
'See what the long-range scanner picks up in the meantime."
"Oh? Oh lovely! There ARE people in this game! I wonder when they will be here? Meh, I have things to build, so I'll keep an eye."
Spiffle resolves himself to start building a base, trying to find a good spot. He finds the Mushroom Forest Biome and starts gathering resources to ferry them around. He installs the Depth Module and the Storage module to the Seamoth, then builds the Moon Pool. The Mushroom Biome becomes one of his favorite spots and a close encounter with a JellyRay cements it.
"Those creatures are beautiful! Look! JellyRay! Its glowing blue and pretty! I love that! Oh... I have a new radio message. I need to listen to that then."
Spiff returns to the pod and listens to the message.
RADIO - "Aurora, this is Sunbeam again. We just picked up a massive debris field at your location.'
'I didn't know how bad... How many of you... I didn't know.'
'We are now en route to your location. We're going to bring you home. Sunbeam out.'
'What else can I say? The only time I parked a rig this big on a rock that small was in VR, and I blew it'
'Oh, it's a bad option alright, but so are all the others."
Spiff smiles and carries on working, parking the Seamoth inside after powering everything up.
"So lovely! But... Is that a win condition? I know human games by now I have played enough of them. Is that a win condition? Get rescued? I dunno..."
Spiffle carries on building for a little and gets a storage system up, spending a few in-game days transporting resources to his new base. He returned to the pod and played a new radio message, again from the Sunbeam.
RADIO - "This is Sunbeam. Y'know, Aurora, we're from a little trans-gov on the far side of Andromeda, and we have a saying there.'
'There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad.'
'Sounds like you tasted a bunch of the former, but that only means you're overdue a whole lot of the latter.'
'Might just be we're it.'
'We're scanning for somewhere to park, we'll be in touch when we find it. Sunbeam out."
"Ohh... That... that's a lovely saying! What was that uh... There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad. I like that! I think i'll have that framed on my wall! Now lets see.. i ca- I CAN GIVE THE SEAMOTH A NAME? OOHHHhh okay, okay.. I can customize the color too! I think I'll just do this..."
Spiff leaves the name as 'Seamoth' for now, changing the color to a mix of purple for the main, and blue for the trim and name color. His two favorite colors. Spiffle does a little more work, acquiring the last fragments for the Cyclops and starts gathering together the resources necessary to build it.
"Hmmm.. Cyclops... Personal large scale submarine capable of carrying other vehicles! Ooohhh I want to build that! I need to fetch the Vehicle Bay though. Im almost done moving house!"
Spiff returns and packs up the last of his resources, then gets another radio message.
RADIO - "Aurora, we're approaching the planet now, and we have a landing site for you that's... well, it's better than the alternatives.'
'We've sent you the coordinates.'
'It'll take us a couple of days to align our orbit, we should be able to establish direct contact with you during that time, then we're coming in to get you.'
'Cross your fingers the weather holds, and don't leave us waiting. Sunbeam out."
Spiffle gets a new beacon on his HUD. Sunbeam Landing Site.
"What!? Is this game over If I'm there!? Okay... well. At least it's no longer terrifying! I'll get the Seamoth and go for the beacon then. I hope it's okay... Strange... this... doesn't feel like the end, you know? But if it is then it is."
Spiff heads home, deploys the Vehicle Bay and deposits his gear and resources. He heads towards the location, occasionally squealing 'WHEEE!!' as he uses the Seamoth to jump out of the water like a dolphin. However, he miscalculates and the Seamoth jumps up, out and sustains a bit of damage as it hits a rock formation close to the surface. He gets out, repairs it and looks at the camera.
"Why no I didn't just damage my Seamoth by having too much fun. I don't know what you are talking about. Hehe."
Spiffle smirks at the camera with a glare and carries on. Eventually, he encounters the largest of the Islands in the world.
"Wh... WHAT. This has been here the whole time!? Is this an island? Who cares! LAND! Sweet land!"
Spiffle now notices the timer and hops onto the island from his Seamoth. He walks up to the landing zone and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the massive al;ien structure known as the Quarantine Enforcement Platform. In essence, a giant alien cannon.
"What... the *beep* is THAT?"
Spiffles' editing has gotten better, his editor learning how to censor Spiffles foul language, in both English AND Eridani. He moves closer to the building, scanning the broken tablet and the Forcefield Controls.
"What is this? I mean it's clearly alien... What do the codex entries say... 'possible to reconstruct the device' Oh... hmm.. I can make more of these then. 'Matches no known technologies... functions like a lock'. Okay then so... Standard video game logic I guess. That's nice! So A purple tablet will unlock the gate there. What are those?"
Spiff moves towards the Cairns marking the way into the island, pathways leading up the mountainside. He follows them, finding a Purple Tablet in the process on one of the pathways.
"Oh! Lovely! That saves me resources and a trip I guess. This pathway keeps going though. hmm... Welp, we still have thirty minutes, so let's go."
Spiff explores the pathway, getting lost a bit before finally figuring that following the large cables is a good idea. He comes across the Teleportation Arch and scans it, in between dodging the Cave Crawlers.
"Right, let's see... Alien Arch... not much to speak of here. Maybe this thing will be useful later I guess. Likely.... Hmmm..."
Spiffle continues exploring and eventually finds himself back at the forcefield with another twenty minutes to go.
"Screw it, let's go."
Spiff activates the forcefield platform and the animation of the key being placed plays out. He moves into the building, activating both data platforms and acquiring two Ion Cubes for later, scanning everything he thinks he can scan. He enters the Moonpool in the bay and gets two more Ion Cubes, plus data on a rifle and a Doomsday Device. He ignores it for now, acquiring one more purple tablet and accessing the control room.
"Right... what's in here? Hmm... Energy Core, right. I shall scan that and... press button?"
Spiff presses the button. An animation plays where a device locks his characters hand in place, viciously stabs it with a pointy metal bit and then releases it.
"OH GODS what the hell! Why is that?! That's just nasty!"
"THE TERMINAL IS BROADCASTING A MESSAGE. TRANSLATION READS: 'Warning, infected individuals may not disable the weapon. This planet is under quarantine.'"
"Quarantine! What? Infected? I-Hold on...."
Spiffle gets his scanner out and performs a self-scan. It is only now he notices something very bad has happened.
"I-infected!? Wait, what!?"
"SELF-SCAN COMPLETE - DETECTING STATISTICALLY SIGNIFICANT BACTERIAL LEVELS. NO ADVERSE EFFECTS DETECTED. BE VIGILANT FOR SYMPTOMS."
"Oh brilliant! Does that mean I can't leave? I KNEW IT! Wait... weapon!? This is a weapon!?"
Spiffle panics and runs out of the facility as fast as he can and waits the last few minutes for the Sunbeam to arrive. Sure enough, it does. In the last 30 seconds, the Sunbeam plays a message.
RADIO - "Survivor, we see you!
'Man, I don't know how you held out down there.'
The sunbeams message plays, and Spiffle gasps in terror from the sound of the gun platform starting up and starting to move around.
RADIO - "We've broken atmosphere and we're descending towards the landing site.'
'Is that a building down there?! What do you mean you can't identify it?"
The weapon powers up and turns, aiming itself high at the sky.
RADIO - "Hold on, no turning back now.'
'Positions everyone, touching down in 10, 9, 8-'
The weapon charges up and a loud vicious hum can be heard echoing through the valley.
RADIO - "It's coming from the building?! Change course, set thrusters to (full)-"
The radio goes to static, the weapon fires and the Sunbeam is vaporized instantly by a massive blast of bright green light. The sunbeam disappears, its hull structure completely disintegrated. Spiffle sits in stunned silence as the platform returns to a stable position, shuts down, and everything goes quiet.
"Well... Okay then... That was... horrifying. I guess thats all we have time for! Hehe! Oh dear..."
Spiffle looks a bit defeated as he sits back in his seat.
"S-see you next time! I guess... Holy shit..."
Channel Outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you okay? You seem a little bit too disturbed by that. Its fine though, compared to what happens in the Rise Of The Ancients Mod, this is tame! Lol! I love that mod!"
Spiffles Response: "Please don't make me play that mod..."
((Authors note - due to how bastardingly huge Subnautica is, this will be a multi part series. Other Spiff stories will come inbetween. Hope you enjoy!))

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Took a break from OW for a few years, heard they unlocked all heros this season so I decided to pick it up again to see how it is. Holy hell is sombra so cheap now, it simply feels unfair to play against her now, first off her hack + virus is just BS. It does so much damage, and because you get shut down for so long you pretty much are toast if no one is helping to peel her off from you. Like before it seemed like her main hinderance was being able to stealth in and out readily, along with having to be strategic with her hacks. Now its just hack, virus, profit and then teleport away to do it all again. Like heck you don't even have much of a tell of where she is unless she's close enough to hear her, and her hack can be done so far away that once she starts it you're pretty much cooked.

REP: https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/1bon79d/oatmilk666s_igs_rep_page/
All are humble bundle codes.
Ill gladly take gifted steam games (a la you buy it to me) instead of paypal.
I dont want to do giftlinks.
Im also willing to trade you codes vs a charity donation of a slighty-under-market-value
to Internet Archive (a nonprofit digital library) against providing me a copy of the receipt.
NEW:
The Knight Witch
Abalon (Summoners Fate)
Going Under
Mythforce
Siralim Ultimate
Floppy Knights
SIMULATOSPORTS/RTS/RACING
Driftland: The Magic Revival
Endless Space 2
PGA Tour 2K21
X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
Hiveswap Friendsim Complete
Dwarfs!?
Euro Truck Simulator 2
This War of Mine: Final Cut
Wargroove
Rover Mechanic Simulator
Sigma Theory: Global Cold War
Worms Crazy Golf
Worms Pinball
Dogfight 1942
Kerbal Space Program
Eastside Hockey Manager
Endless Space - Collection
Kingdom Classic
Realpolitiks
Regular Human Basketball
Surviving Mars
This War of Mine
Vertiginous Golf
Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising
Toybox Turbos
Gremlins, Inc.
WRC 7 FIA World Rally Championship
MotoGP 15
MXGP - The Official Motocross Videogame
TRAIL OUT
Circuit Superstars
Satellite Reign
Cities in Motion
Cities in Motion 2
Concrete Jungle
Turmoil
Verdun
Holy Potatoes! We're in Space?!
Cities in Motion 2
IL-2 Sturmovik: 1946
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Hiveswap Friendsim
112 Operator
911 Operator
Train Simulator 2020
Train Simulator: CSX AC6000CW Loco Add-On
Train Simulator: Miami - West Palm Beach Route Add-On
Train Simulator: Riviera Line in the Fifties: Exeter - Kingswear Route Add-On
Train Simulator: Western Hydraulics Pack Add-On
Tharsis
Punch Club Deluxe
Void Destroyer
Super Mega Baseball: Extra Innings
Drawful 2
Majesty 2 Collection
Telltale Texas Hold ‘Em
Beholder
Toybox Turbos
Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion
Caravan
Beholder
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion
Galactic Civilizations® II: Ultimate Edition
Galactic Civilizations® I: Ultimate Edition
Darkest Hour: A Hearts of Iron Game
Crusader Kings Complete
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Crusader Kings II
Crusader Kings II: The Republic
Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
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Age of Wonders II: The Wizard's Throne
Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
Niche
Carrier Command: Gaea Mission
Think of the Children
RTS/
Starbound
Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion
Siege of Centauri
Necronator: Dead Wrong
Meridian Squad 22
Meridian Squad 22 Soundtrack
Age of Wonders III
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Hacknet
Satellite Reign
Driftland: The Magic Revival
ΔV: Rings of Saturn
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ENDLESS Space 2
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Titan Quest Anniversary Edition
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Idle Champions Celeste's Starter Pack
MEMORIES OF MARS
PUZZLE/POINT CLICK/ADVENTURE
Kathy Rain
Whispers of a Machine
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
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Fire: Ungh's Quest
The Night of the Rabbit

observer_

Pesterquest
11-11 Memories Retold
Thomas Was Alone
Oxenfree
Anna's Quest
Puzzle Agent
Puzzle Agent 2
Pirate Pop Plus
Spaera
Road to Ballhalla
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
The Walking Dead: 400 Days
Broken Age
Full Throttle Remastered
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Draw Slasher
Machinarium Collector's Edition
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Police Quest Collection
PlATFORMERS/3D/ARCADESTYLE
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NecroWorm
Neverout
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AVICII Invector
Worms
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Kingdom
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Kingdom: New Lands Royal Edition
Hyper Light Drifter
No Time to Explain Remastered
Overlord II
StarCrossed
Splasher
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STRIDER
Plantera
INK - Deluxe Edition
Tumblestone
Stick Fight: The Game
Penarium
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GoNNER
140
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SpeedRunners
Death Squared
Mr. Shifty
Oh My Godheads
Octahedron: Transfixed Edition
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Abalon (Summoners Fate)
Going Under
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Siralim Ultimate
Pathway
Popup Dungeon
Deep Sky Derelicts
Moonlighter
Gift of Parthax
One Way Heroics
Armello
The Amazing American Circus
Book of Demons
Rollers of the Realm
LiEat
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ACTION:
Liberated (GOG)
Orbital Racer
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
Brutal Legend
Hyper Light Drifter
Mad Max
SUPERHOT
BioShock Remastered
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
Crawl
Saints Row: The Third
Saints Row: The Third
Binary Domain
Tormentor X Punisher
Sniper Elite
Jump Stars
No Time To Explain Remastered
Action Henk
Insurgency
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Masquerade: The Baubles of Doom
METAL GEAR SOLID V: The Definitive Experience DLC
FIGHTING:
Deadbeat Heroes
Divekick
Stick Fight: The Game
HORROR:
Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
Resident Evil Revelations 2 - Episode 1: Penal Colony
RESIDENT EVIL 2 - All In-game Rewards Unlock
GET EVEN
Deadly 30
Pacify
DUSK
DISTRAINT 2
DISTRAINT 2 Soundtrack
Detention
Blood: Fresh Supply
Pinstripe
How to survive 2
Expensive & rare / delisted & removed from steam:
Necromonads
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Poker Night at the Inventory
Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy
Spec Ops: The Line
Sonic CD
Sonic 3 & Knuckles
beyond eyes
Sam & Max: Season 1
Sam & Max: Season 2
Bone Episode 1 & Episode 2 Telltale Out from boneville & The great Cow Race
HITMAN: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON
Citizens of Earth
GTA III + GTA Vice city
Jurassic Park: The Game
GRID Autosport
F1 2011
F1 2012
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
VR:
Smashbox Arena
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Paper Fire Rookie
................................
I dont want TF2 keys.
Open to offers & all kinds of games, let me know.