Symptoms of blurred vision dizzy and shaking

Hey everybody. I am pretty recently diagnosed as of October 2023. I have an endo who is pretty diligent but also newly out of fellowship and just started practicing. I am a 61M and initially had pretty crazy symptoms with dizziness and rapid weight loss. We thought I initially had a reaction to the Methimazole which crazy enough ended up being a coincidence of having kidney stones at the same time. So was on PTUfor a while but now back on Methimazole. however we have been going up and down on the dosage to try and get me into a normal range. Now I am currently a bit hypo and she reduced my dosage to 10mg from 12.5mg. I am feeling better in general other than weight gain which sucks and is frustrating me. Previously my endo was saying that I should definitely get RAI and was talking to me bout that to prep for it. In my last visit however she changed and was saying that would be better to go for a TT and just be definitive. I know that any surgery has risks, so there is that. And RAI has its own set of challenges with the isolation and also working to get proper dosage as it takes some time to take effect. I am confused! Looking to hear experiences and suggestions on RAI versus TT if I need to go that route. Still hopeful that we can get me under control with the meds but the doc seems to now be pushing for surgery. If I do need TT, I have heard there is trans oral versus traditional surgery? Any help is appreciated!

So i feel like im in a dream like state every day, i dont react to bad thinga happening at all. Moat days im lacking some amount of energy or am fatigued for the entire day or i crash depending on things i do or eat very easily. I usually have to lay down when i crash and i get anxious when this happens. I had a night where i woke up in the middle of the night shaking and was anxious, i wouldn’t stop shaking for like 20 minutes probably even when my anxiety got better. My perception was off upon waking up that night. But like i said when i do things i can easily lose energy and crash, putting my legs up makes me feel less anxious and better. I for the most part feel debilitated when trying to do a lot of things in fear of a crash. I an acth stimulation test to check my cortisol levels and they came back suggesting adrenal insufficiency all though initially my cortisol was baseline my doctor said he didn’t know how to interpret it. I feel so off everyday and people are starting to doubt that im still dealing with this but it sucks and i am. Its also starting to feel easier to get down after months of dealing with this. I had to transfer my primary care doctor and it will take a week for the screening then i can get an appointment scheduled with a regular doctor before getting a referral. I get scared a lot because of how i feel at times and it makes me anxious. What is this most likely i also quit lexapro like 8 weeks ago i think, but ling enough to where there shouldnt be withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive also ha do panic attacks in the last 4 months and dealt with major fatigue, tiredness has changed a lot but still shows up some days. Also i feel off balanced at times. This honestly is no way to live and sucks so bad.

So i feel like im in a dream like state every day, i dont react to bad thinga happening at all. Moat days im lacking some amount of energy or am fatigued for the entire day or i crash depending on things i do or eat very easily. I usually have to lay down when i crash and i get anxious when this happens. I had a night where i woke up in the middle of the night shaking and was anxious, i wouldn’t stop shaking for like 20 minutes probably even when my anxiety got better. My perception was off upon waking up that night. But like i said when i do things i can easily lose energy and crash, putting my legs up makes me feel less anxious and better. I for the most part feel debilitated when trying to do a lot of things in fear of a crash. I an acth stimulation test to check my cortisol levels and they came back suggesting adrenal insufficiency all though initially my cortisol was baseline my doctor said he didn’t know how to interpret it. I feel so off everyday and people are starting to doubt that im still dealing with this but it sucks and i am. Its also starting to feel easier to get down after months of dealing with this. I had to transfer my primary care doctor and it will take a week for the screening then i can get an appointment scheduled with a regular doctor before getting a referral. I get scared a lot because of how i feel at times and it makes me anxious. What is this most likely i also quit lexapro like 8 weeks ago i think, but ling enough to where there shouldnt be withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive also ha do panic attacks in the last 4 months and dealt with major fatigue, tiredness has changed a lot but still shows up some days. Also i feel off balanced at times. This honestly is no way to live and sucks so bad.

So i feel like im in a dream like state every day, i dont react to bad thinga happening at all. Moat days im lacking some amount of energy or am fatigued for the entire day or i crash depending on things i do or eat very easily. I usually have to lay down when i crash and i get anxious when this happens. I had a night where i woke up in the middle of the night shaking and was anxious, i wouldn’t stop shaking for like 20 minutes probably even when my anxiety got better. My perception was off upon waking up that night. But like i said when i do things i can easily lose energy and crash, putting my legs up makes me feel less anxious and better. I for the most part feel debilitated when trying to do a lot of things in fear of a crash. I an acth stimulation test to check my cortisol levels and they came back suggesting adrenal insufficiency all though initially my cortisol was baseline my doctor said he didn’t know how to interpret it. I feel so off everyday and people are starting to doubt that im still dealing with this but it sucks and i am. Its also starting to feel easier to get down after months of dealing with this. I had to transfer my primary care doctor and it will take a week for the screening then i can get an appointment scheduled with a regular doctor before getting a referral. I get scared a lot because of how i feel at times and it makes me anxious. What is this most likely i also quit lexapro like 8 weeks ago i think, but ling enough to where there shouldnt be withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive also ha do panic attacks in the last 4 months and dealt with major fatigue, tiredness has changed a lot but still shows up some days. Also i feel off balanced at times. This honestly is no way to live and sucks so bad.

So i feel like im in a dream like state every day, i dont react to bad thinga happening at all. Moat days im lacking some amount of energy or am fatigued for the entire day or i crash depending on things i do or eat very easily. I usually have to lay down when i crash and i get anxious when this happens. I had a night where i woke up in the middle of the night shaking and was anxious, i wouldn’t stop shaking for like 20 minutes probably even when my anxiety got better. My perception was off upon waking up that night. But like i said when i do things i can easily lose energy and crash, putting my legs up makes me feel less anxious and better. I for the most part feel debilitated when trying to do a lot of things in fear of a crash. I an acth stimulation test to check my cortisol levels and they came back suggesting adrenal insufficiency all though initially my cortisol was baseline my doctor said he didn’t know how to interpret it. I feel so off everyday and people are starting to doubt that im still dealing with this but it sucks and i am. Its also starting to feel easier to get down after months of dealing with this. I had to transfer my primary care doctor and it will take a week for the screening then i can get an appointment scheduled with a regular doctor before getting a referral. I get scared a lot because of how i feel at times and it makes me anxious. What is this most likely i also quit lexapro like 8 weeks ago i think, but ling enough to where there shouldnt be withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive also ha do panic attacks in the last 4 months and dealt with major fatigue, tiredness has changed a lot but still shows up some days. Also i feel off balanced at times. This honestly is no way to live and sucks so bad.

Link to Part 1 (Read This First)
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Something inside Rob's head clicked. He exhaled, cleared his thoughts, and concentrated. There was no time to plan – so he made some for himself.
Quick Thinking Level Increased! $^&$#*# → (@^$(#)&
The world went still, as if he'd pressed pause on reality.
Okay.
What Skills was he underutilizing? What stats was he underutilizing?
Go down the list. Reassess your preconceptions. Strength to deal damage. Vitality to survive. Endurance to fight for long periods. Dexterity to catch his prey. Perception to find his prey. Mind to shield his...well, mind. Magic to use certain Skills, especially Rampage. All necessary and important.
Yet not always treated equally.
He felt confident that he was getting the most out of his Strength, Vitality, and Dexterity. They were his bread-and-butter stats. Perception less so, but he couldn't exactly call time-out on the fight to go train his senses. Mind–
Actually, Mind was linked to a surprising number of abilities. Passive boosts like Heat Resistance, utility Skills like Speed Reading, and even things like...
Sense Mana.
He'd never been great at Sensing Mana. It didn't come naturally to him. Then again, what about any of this was natural? That ship had sailed the moment he started making numbers go up by killing squirrels. He wasn't here for an honest duel – he was here to cheat his way to victory over the inhuman despots of the divine realms.
And luckily, nothing cheated harder than Level 99 Skills. For example, this highly interesting bit he recalled from Never Forget Your Rage: 'Significantly increases the user's proficiency with Sense Mana.' He hadn't given it much thought before, simply because manipulating mana wasn't his forte. It didn't seem relevant to how he typically won battles.
Time to fix that.
Rob charged. It was a direct frontal assault with no bells or whistles attached. Quick Thinking slowed his perception of reality to a crawl as he watched Kismet prep his teleport.
In that same split-second, he focused on Sense Mana, expanding his awareness across the battlefield. I feel...Kismet. Myself. Riardin's Rangers. The lesser gods. Divine essence. Rifts leaking. Energy. Energy everywhere. Yikes. Is this what Malika senses all the time? How can she hear herself think?
Eyes twitching, Rob pruned out any unnecessary information, separating the white noise from what was important. He sharpened his awareness to a razor-thin point and searched. Amidst the clamor of magic, rifts, and divinity, he found...
A disturbance. No larger than a ripple in a vast ocean. Yet it was there. Something new.
Something that had started right when Kismet saw him charge.
The god weaved mana, initiating his escape.
{TEN! YOU–}
Rob smothered the static into a low whisper, rushing towards that tiny ripple. Kismet's teleportation spells were instantaneous, but to an Ascending HUMAN with unnatural Perception and Quick Thinking, nothing in the universe was truly beyond perceiving. He reacted in the space between moments, Sensing where the god's teleport would end up, then heading straight for it.
Which meant that when Kismet re-appeared, Rob was already mere inches away.
PURGE DIVINITY.
He aimed for the center of mass. Leveling High's static had gone silent, as if rendered speechless. Rob watched in slow motion as – without even a hint of resistance – his hand sank into the stunned god's torso.
GOOOOT. YOOOOU. Fingers clenched, energy pulsed, and laughter echoed. A thrill of triumph surged through Rob's veins, like adrenaline mixed with sweet ambrosia. For a brief micro-instant, he was allowed to believe that the battle had been won.
Then Kismet exploded.
It was more startling than harmful – like a Riardin's Special of divine essence detonating in Rob's face. Without warning, the god's mana-body abruptly burst apart, scattering in all directions.
The HUMAN was left in a state of baffled disbelief, holding his arm out towards nothing. Was that...it? Had Purge Divinity triggered the godly equivalent of an allergic reaction? Because it was supposed to eradicate their mana, not do that. And considering that the gods could shape their mana at will, how much would exploding realistically affect them?
What if this was no different than a lizard abandoning its tail?
His suspicions were confirmed when Kismet reformed a safe distance away. The god was clutching his wounded chest area, looking somewhat worse for the wear. Fear and outrage had overtaken his countenance. "How did you discern where I would appear? How?!"
Rob didn't respond. Instead, he stared at the fragment of divine essence clutched in his hand. It was all that remained from what should have been checkmate.
A consolation prize for his failed efforts.
{...Eleven.}
Leveling High said nothing else. It didn't need to. Rob couldn't even fool himself into thinking that he'd proven his point. While this was the most damage he'd inflicted on Kismet so far, it was hardly the decisive blow he'd wished for.
That wasn't enough to warrant another eleven fruitless chases. Not when both his body and the divine realms were treading ever closer to collapse. The ever-increasing weariness of his flesh was proof of that. Victory wasn't impossible, but it seemed increasingly unlikely that he could seize it before catastrophe struck.
I've still taken a step forward. If I make use of Sense Mana again, react faster next time...then Kismet would adapt as well. The slippery bastard wasn't going to be caught off-guard in the exact same manner. He would also be siphoning more mana from the rifts, gradually increasing his power – whereas Rob's had plateaued.
Unless...unless...{unless...}
Unless the HUMAN Ascended.
As if drawn by the pull of destiny, his gaze locked onto the fragment of divinity held within his grip. Rob shivered as a red haze began coating his vision. The essence called to him, singing a melody of transcendence, inviting him to throw off the restrictive shackles of mortality and become something greater.
He just needed to devour it. Accept its divinity unto himself. Embrace his metamorphosis, and gain the might of gods. With his full potential realized...he could save everyone.
At the cost of his humanity.
Maybe the distinction shouldn't matter at this point. Compared to the average Elatran, his mortality was essentially window dressing. What mortal could go toe-to-toe with the creators of a world? Besides, the Blight-child could've been wrong about Ascension changing him. Even if he went and made things official, 'preserving these worlds' would always be his goal. He would still be himself.
Probably.
Assuming that godhood didn't forcibly alter his personality.
Assuming that being subjected to infinity didn't splinter his weary mind.
Assuming that Leveling High wasn't misleading him in some way.
Assuming...a lot of things, really.
I shouldn't be hesitating. Rob glared at the divine essence as if it was a poisonous viper. Of \course* this is risky. It's still less risky than praying I get a lucky hit on Kismet in the immediate future. I've always preferred to roll the dice if it would better my odds, so why–*
{Your true emotions are laid bare to me,} Leveling High interrupted, hissing loudly. {These justifications mask a core of selfishness. You worry that Ascending will leave your friends behind.} It made a noise of distaste. {Apparently, that is more important than ensuring their survival.}
Rob froze. All at once, several puzzle pieces slotted into place.
Leveling High wasn't entirely wrong. He was being selfish. Rob knew that even in the best-case scenario, Ascending would turn him into an existence that was incompatible with living in the mortal realms. It would be like the disconnect he'd felt when visiting Fiend territory recently, only magnified a hundred times over.
None of that sounded remotely appealing. Ultimate power wasn't worth feeling eternally isolated. His visions of the Original Will, Second Will, and gods had made that exceptionally clear.
However...if that was all, he wouldn't be hesitating right now. Unlike the rest of his Party, he was totally allowed to make heroic sacrifices. Rules for thee and not for me. Rob would've discarded his humanity in a heartbeat if he thought there was no other way. Logically, he did think that.
Emotionally, he didn't.
Because he wasn't alone.
Even at his most fatalistic, Rob couldn't overrule the part of him that believed in Riardin's Rangers. If he kept faith...just for a little while longer...
They would grant him a miracle.
It was then that a warbling SCREECH resounded throughout the realms.
Rob and Kismet were unable to suppress their curiosity. Making sure to keep an eye on each other, they cautiously directed a portion of their attention to the screech's origin. Both were fully intending to ambush the other if they detected the smallest hint of carelessness.
They still almost lost composure after noticing what was going on.
At a separate corner of the battlefield, Zamira was tearing into her opponent with what could only be described as ruthless efficiency. The god flailed like a helpless lamb before a butcher, impotently thrashing about as a Skill-wreathed sword carved into it time and again. Mana erupted in a conflagration of panic, but Zamira sidestepped its reprisal with graceful ease, untouched and unfazed as she went back to one-sidedly dominating a literal deity.
Rob resisted the urge to rub his eyes. He was having difficulty understanding what he was watching. It wasn't just that Zamira was winning – it was the way she was winning. From what he could surmise, her stats hadn't increased. She didn't seem stronger or faster than before.
Yet her movements embodied the very pinnacle of swordsmanship as an art form. Precise, calculated, but flowing like water. She was a painter at work, and with every stroke of her brush on the canvas, her final portrait took shape.
One-by-one, all other battles ground to a halt. Seven mortals and seven gods stood transfixed as they bore witness to expertise not seen in many thousands of years.
Like a wounded animal, Zamira's foe – or more accurately, her training dummy – lashed out. Destructive mana surrounded her. Exhibiting zero concern, she dashed forward and imbued her sword with the light of a Skill.
"Lost Art: Moonlight's Mirror." In one swift motion, she sliced up through the mana in front of her. The light imbuing her sword repelled the god's energy, parting its magic like the Red Seas. Zamira immediately dashed into the opening she'd created and scored another vicious blow, disengaging before the god could retaliate.
Lost Art? Rob pondered. Okay, that's \definitely* new.* He'd been in the room when Riardin's Rangers discussed their Level 99 Class Skills, and Zamira hadn't mentioned anything like this. Something must've changed while he was busy fighting Kismet...not that Rob was in any rush to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Zamira moved as a blur of silver and steel, shifting behind her opponent. "Lost Art: Aura Blade." The light enshrining her sword intensified, and when she struck next, it left an injury on the god's mana-body that struggled to heal. By now its form appeared threadbare, like a patchwork quilt that had been ripped and sewn back together countless times.
That was when Rob truly realized what was happening. Zamira's fancy footwork and new Skills were impressive, yet they wouldn't have amounted to anything if she couldn't deal lasting damage – which she was. While her Aura Blade wasn't nearly as effective as Purge Divinity, it had still achieved the combination of raw power and mana manipulation that was necessary to harm a creature of energy.
Slowly but surely, the god was dying.
Everyone else realized that around the same moment. The lesser gods moved to assist their comrade, and Riardin's Rangers quickly intercepted them. Rob caught sight of Keira bashing her god aside with the flat of her greatsword, knocking it away before it could cast a spell at Zamira.
Noticing a flicker of motion, Rob took one step towards Kismet. The god halted in place, his arm half-risen. They exchanged a long look. Kismet didn't want to restart their song and dance, and Rob didn't want to miss the show.
Eventually, the HUMAN let out a chuckle. He waggled his finger at his dance partner, as if admonishing an unruly toddler."LeT hER CoOK."
And cook she did. Unhindered, Zamira methodically dismantled her god. Cut by cut, and piece by piece, the deity was whittled down to a pale imitation of its former glory. Once or twice it managed to slightly graze her with an attack, but that was all.
Its fate had been sealed for a long time now.
"Lost Art: Eight-Pointed Jaws." Zamira hammered the god with a rapid flurry of blows. Each strike carved a line of mana into its body. When the eighth line had been unleashed, the god suddenly crumpled inward, as if it was being chomped on by the maw of an enormous beast.
Piteous screams melded with the sound of a Bladesoul readying her most powerful Skill. Its aura shone with a wicked silver glow, like a falling guillotine reflecting the sunlit rays of a new dawn.
"K-Kismet!" The god reached out to its leader with a trembling limb. "Please! Kism–"
"CREATED ART: GOD-SLAYING SWORD!"
She cut just once.
The god burnt away, leaving not even ashes in the wind.
Rob concentrated with Sense Mana. His mouth split into a feral grin when he searched for the god's essence and detected absolutely fucking nothing. It was gone. Kaput. Finito. Wouldn't have been possible without Kismet draining his own allies to save his skin, but he had, so here they were.
The HUMAN activated Purge Divinity and clenched his fist. He destroyed the essence fragment he'd ripped from Kismet, then fixed the god with a gaze of murderous finality.
"ChECkMaTE."
Kismet flinched, comprehension dawning on him as he envisioned how the rest of the battle would play out. Zamira didn't seem the least bit winded. She had plenty of gas left in the tank, and was currently heading over to team up with one of her allies and slay the next god.
With that in mind...the day's outcome had already been decided. Rob would keep Kismet busy. Riardin's Rangers would steadily clean up the lesser gods. Then, as a full Party, they would gang up on Kismet and beat the everloving shit out of him.
No fuss, no muss.
Kismet began to panic – then stopped, centering himself. He seemed to reach a decision, some plan formulating in his thoughts.
Defiance? Oh, that's adorable. The BERSERKER's grin grew so wide that it hurt. Let's make this a game. His hands pulsed brightly with Purging energy. Will I kill you before my Party members finish up on their end? We win either way, but hey! Can't have them do \all* the work–*
"Elder Alessia is dead."
Rob's breath caught in his throat.
She...what? He'd heard Kismet speak, but, no, that couldn't be–
"Elder Alessia is dead. Remember that I cannot lie."
He tried to respond. No words came out. It felt as if the world had vanished from underneath his feet.
"Elder Alessia is dead," Kismet repeated, for the third time. "She used Soul Burn to keep the Queen of Dragons at bay."
She...she used...
Rob hadn't seen Alessia when he went to check on Fiend territory. Didn't think anything of it. Wasn't like he looked everywhere. Figured he'd just missed her.
But she was...gone? Since Ragnavi? He'd spent days expunging Dungeons and Leviathans, gallivanting around Elatra like a fucking idiot, thinking that at least he'd prevented more people he cared about from dying, when the whole time, Alessia had been–
{BEHIND!}
The warning came far too late.
Even if it had come earlier, though, he still might not have dodged. Kismet's attack wasn't packed full of destructive magic like his other spells. Sense Mana didn't register it as a threat. Rob immediately cast Dauntless Reprisal on reflex, but that didn't help either.
Because this wasn't intended to damage him.
A surge of mana pierced Rob's back. An intense burning coursed through him, as if his veins and skin were simultaneously being set aflame. It was a sensation that, unfortunately, he recognized.
Kismet had directly infused his soul with mana.
This wasn't the first time. The gods had done it once before to refill Rob's Purging energy stores. In fact, although they'd warned him of the consequences, he'd pushed for it rather...vocally.
Despite being inflicted with Soul Instability as a result, Rob didn't regret his choice. Back then, it had been the key to finally ending the Second Will's appalling ambitions.
Now?
It was no better than adding ten tons of weight onto rotting support beams.
Rob fell to his knees. Agony and weakness suffused his body. He felt Purging energy swell within – for all the good it would serve him, because he couldn't move a muscle.
An unsurprising system notification popped into view.
Warning: Soul Instability has increased to High!
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Thanks for reading!

my mom thinks "it's just hormones" but I think she's wrong.
I (14F) have been having "dizzy spells." I don't know what else to call them, but it's much more than a dizzy spell. Back in september, i was standing in line for a food truck with my mom and suddenly felt super hot and sweaty (it was only around 60°, which was cold for that time of year). My mom said to go sit down on a bench in the shade so I did. Suddenly my vision went dark like kinda tunnel vision . I got super dizzy and nauseous too. My mom tells me I was rocking back and forth on the bench. She told me that she was calling my name over and over, which i didn't hear. I stood up and I blacked out, woke up on the ground a foot or two in front of the bench.
Since then, it happened a week later, again in november, and again in february when i thought it was over. most times, it lasted around 5 minutes ish. but once i still felt dizzy and nauseous for about 15-20 minutes. even when i lied down it seemed to make it worse.
if position had anything to do with it: - for the first time, it happened after standing for a long period of time. - the second and third time, it happened after sitting - the fourth time, i was sitting and i stood up
Got blood tested and nothing came back. It wasn't blood sugar. It wasn't hunger because i had eaten that day just an hour or two before. It wasn't anything wrong with my heart. My mom eventually gave up and said it was my period or hormones (i was only on my period the first time) Any ideas?
TLDR;

• symptoms: heat flash, dark/tunnel vision, dizziness, nausea, ringing ears, blacking out
  
• not a blood sugar problem
  

Author's Note:
7700 words, broke Reddit's character limit, so you know the drill. Will be split into two parts, both posted today. Enjoy!
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"Stop! STOP!"
The terror in Kismet's voice rose higher as death drew nearer. He fled from Rob's grasping hand, but a Purge Divinity-infused fingernail managed to graze him, carving out a scoop of divine essence as if flaying a mortal's skin.
Kismet let out a screech as the Purging energy added to his growing collection of scars. A dozen small holes now dotted the surface of his mana-body, looking like he'd been pockmarked by wasting disease. Each wound represented a moment where the god had narrowly escaped with his life.
If those injuries had been inflicted by any other ability, then he could have rejuvenated himself in the time it took to blink. Purging energy was not so kind as that. It was purifying wrath in the shape of a Skill; their vengeance given form. Whatever divinity it touched, it extinguished.
As if cleansing the universe of a sickness that had infected it for far too long.
The BERSERKER continued his unrelenting advance. In response, Kismet threw up a frantic barrier of mana. It was strong enough to deflect one of Ragnavi's Annihilation beams–
And Rob blasted through it like paper mache. His charge sent broken shards of energy scattering across the divine realms. More mid-air rifts tore open, the HUMAN's aura strangling the surrounding area in a vice grip of power. Purge Divinity seemed to glow with light emanating straight from the pits of hell.
None of which was anywhere near as unnerving as the murder contained within his piercing gaze. When Kismet met Rob's eyes, he saw the end of eternity fast approaching.
The god's next barrier was just as frantic. However, this one was not comprised of mana, but of solid matter. Kismet summoned the hardest, most dense substance known to the mortal realms, then transmuted it into something that otherwise could only have been forged inside the heart of a dying star. It was many times more durable than the impossibly tough walls of an aberrant Dungeon.
So when Rob demolished it with a single punch, he actually had to put a bit of elbow grease into his windup.
Another wall materialized in front of him. He crushed it, then the one after, and the one after that, lashing out with bestial ferocity. The BERSERKER plowed through Kismet's hastily-built defenses like a bulldozer of fists and savagery. Rob was knocking them down as quickly as the god could make them, relishing the sensation of being able to vent his anger on targets that weren't fucking running away.
Then the twelfth wall fell – revealing a monstrous, spiky, fanged behemoth concealed behind.
Rob paused, momentarily taken aback at the sight of a mundane creature within the divine realms. 'Mundane' in relative terms, anyway. This monster was on par with a newborn Blight, radiating power that would have sent ordinary fighters sprinting for the hills.
It was also barely cognizant of its surroundings. The monster stared at him with unblinking, vacant eyes, just the tiniest glimmer of awareness present in its gaze. Rob noted that segments of its flesh were bubbling, as if the creature was fresh out of the oven and still needed to settle.
He couldn't help but feel a modicum of pity. This was yet another thoughtless creation, condemned to existence by an uncaring maker. Even monsters deserved better than that.
Rob caved the beast's head in before it could realize that it was alive. Pity was not the same as hesitation, and this was the only mercy he could afford to grant right now.
Didn't matter. Kismet's pawn served its purpose. In the brief instant that Rob spent getting over his initial surprise, the god had teleported to safety. He was already planning his next stunt that could buy him a few precious seconds of survival.
The HUMAN grimaced as he turned to give chase, unable to suppress the burgeoning sense of unease growing within his chest.
It almost didn't seem fair to feel that way. Rob knew he was winning – at least on the surface. Any outside observer would've bet their life savings on him, especially after the show of overwhelming superiority he'd just displayed. Kismet had been at a disadvantage before Never Forget Your Rage's recent upswing, and now it was no contest. Rob was confident that he would still be stronger even if the eight gods merged into one super-deity.
He also knew that he was living on borrowed time.
Whenever he moved, or activated a Skill, or even breathed...the sensation was there. Strength accompanied by incongruous frailty. Like background noise that kept getting louder with every action he took. His body felt close to pulling itself apart, as if his very molecules were a hairsbreadth away from coming undone.
It was different from Soul Instability. Whereas that threatened to collapse his soul, this frailty was an affliction of the flesh. The longer he fought, the more his physical form was at risk of popping like a balloon.
Such was the price of constraining godlike power within a mortal shell.
"Stay back!" Unaware of the turmoil fermenting in his assailant's mind, Kismet threw up his hands and...inverted...space? Rob didn't have a name for what he was seeing. Rather than stopping to puzzle out this latest brand of divine bullshit, he sent out a pulse of Purge Divinity, canceling whatever esoteric effect Kismet had been attempting to produce.
His Purging energy scraped against the divine realms like a cheese grater. Five rifts immediately tore open near both Rob and Kismet, with the god anxiously retreating from one that appeared just inches away from him. A low rumble echoed around them, and for a moment, they felt struck by an abrupt feeling of vertigo – until the realms gradually stabilized, righting once more.
For now.
Rob eyed the rifts with a detached, clinical gaze. An endless sea of mana resided behind them; the bedrock of the system itself. While he recognized that the rifts tearing open was bad news, he also couldn't really muster the energy to care. Between his overflowing rage, overtaxed body, and overburdened soul, minor details like the impending destruction of reality were hard to give much focus.
There was a way to fix all of that, of course. Rob couldn't outright deactivate Never Forget Your Rage – not without losing its bonus stats. But he could attempt to ease the storm of fury in his heart. By lessening his anger to more reasonable levels, Never Forget Your Rage would put less strain on both his body and the divine realms.
The notion forced a peal of hideous laughter to claw out of his throat. Lessen his anger? He'd have better luck trying to douse a volcano with a garden hose. No. For a wildfire that had grown this out of control, the only thing to do was stand aside and let it burn, burn, burn.
Until naught remained.
"I said stay back!" Kismet bellowed. He lifted his arms into the air. "Begone!" One moment later, Rob's vision was filled with scorching light. An apocalyptic geyser of mana burst forth from underfoot, intense and searing. It stripped the flesh from his bones in no time flat, powering through Almighty Resistance with pure, unmitigated violence.
And it still wasn't fast enough. Rob flickered a Purge Divinity shield for just an instant, allowing him to escape the geyser with his upper body – and most of his HP – intact. Lifesurge swiftly patched him up, leaving both combatants right back where they'd started.
Slowly, Kismet lowered his hands. They were shivering. "What are you?" he whispered. "Why are all my efforts in vain?"
To be honest, Rob was mildly impressed that Kismet had held on for this long. The god's combat efficacy was increasing as time passed, improving from panic-spamming teleports to more inventive maneuvers – as if he was learning how to fight on-the-job. He'd also stopped draining the other gods to supplement his power, having found an alternative source of fuel: mana seeping out from the sporadically-opening rifts.
It was the one silver lining to fighting an implacable BERSERKER so powerful that he fractured reality. Whenever Rob utilized Purge Divinity, more rifts opened up in the realms, and more mana leaked out from inside. The gods had invested that energy into the system millennia ago, and it typically would've been off-limits until they closed up shop and left Elatra. Kismet was making use of it now, absorbing the extra mana to strengthen himself, like a lifeline barely keeping him afloat.
The god's tenacity was...calling it 'admirable' would be going too far, but it did warrant a sort of begrudging respect. As someone who'd tangoed with multiple Blights, Rob knew what it was like to square off against a frenzied beast that could end him with a touch.
Being the scary one was a nice change of pace.
In exchange, Kismet had graciously donned the role of their battle's Combat Class user; fragile, outgunned, and pulling improvised maneuvers out of his ass for a chance at victory. The god could finally feel what it was like to be vulnerable. How exciting! Rob was more than happy to assist. Learning experiences such as these only came around once an eternity or so.
Flippancy aside – while Kismet still possessed room for improvement, this was the most that could be asked of a deity who hadn't seen combat in literal eons. His biggest fuckup had been taunting Rob in the wrong ways, but he couldn't have known about Never Forget Your Rage, that was an excusable oversight. By all other accounts, Kismet was performing adequately.
Even so...
"YoU aRE noTHinG."
The sound of Rob's voice caused two fresh rifts to open up. Kismet flinched, casting a teleportation spell out of pure reflex. Without pause, the HUMAN resumed his hunt.
Nothing. Perhaps that statement was hyperbole – yet it rang true nonetheless. While Kismet may have been a creature of supreme divinity, on the field of battle, his pedigree meant nothing. In the face of an implacable, unstoppable foe, his power was worth nothing. Very soon, he would be nothing, consigned to oblivion by Purging energy.
Rob couldn't help but unfavorably compare Kismet to the final Blight. Weren't these supposed to be two sides of the same coin? Each one-half of an original transcendent Will? Yet the Second Will had brought Rob to the edge of despair...and Kismet was fleeing like a cornered rodent. It was difficult to reconcile the two divinities as theoretical equals.
Although he knew that was an unfair comparison. Rob had fought the Blight before learning Limit Break and Never Forget Your Rage. Kismet wasn't weak.
The HUMAN was just far too strong.
If he rematched the Second Will today, he would beat it to death with his bare hands.
"Look at what you've wrought!" Kismet swept an arm out, gesturing towards some of the many rifts that Rob's presence was tearing open. "Do you understand what will transpire if you persist in this folly?! If the divine realms shatter, then so will all of Elatra! You are on the brink of destroying everything which you have striven to protect! Cease this–"
"CAN'T."
In a flash, Rob dashed forward and scooped out a chunk of the god's mana-body with Purge Divinity. Before he could do more, Kismet shrieked with pain and teleported away, leaving the BERSERKER to crush his prize between five clenched fingers.
"FoRCed mY HAnD." He located Kismet again. "NO GOING BACK."
Stopping wasn't an option. If the divine realms crumbled and Elatra imploded...well, that would be a faster end than what the gods had in store for its people. At least this way their deaths would be quick and hopefully painless – and his friends wouldn't be turned into Skills tortured for all eternity.
Still, Kismet did have a point. Destroying reality wasn't exactly the ideal outcome. There had to be a way to speed up the conclusion of their fight. Rob was certain he would win if given enough time, but he couldn't guarantee it would be before either his body or the divine realms collapsed.
{Ascend.}
Like a snake slithering through a minefield, Leveling High skirted past the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions raging within Rob's mind. He attempted to tune out its voice, yet Humanity's curse refused to be denied, the static loudening until he was compelled to respond. Quit distracting me, he snapped. In case you haven't noticed, I'm FUCKING. BUSY.
{You seek to ensure victory over those who rule above,} Leveling High continued, without missing a step. {As do I.}
Then sit back, shut up, and–
{Ignoring your deficiencies will not make them disappear. This body is...feeble. Incomplete. Unfit to wield the power contained therein. Like a polished sword attached to a brittle hilt, liable to snap in twain at any moment.}
Rob grit his teeth. He couldn't deny Leveling High's assertions. Normally he'd just tell it to piss off, but considering how much was at stake here...
With a feeling like he'd sat down to deal with the devil, Rob sighed. Then what do you propose? That we upgrade my body somehow? I don't think putting more points into Vitality would help, even if I had any to spare. Me being so juiced up on stats is half the problem.
It shook its head. {You have far surpassed the limitations of mortality. Strengthening your power further would be akin to pouring water into an overflowing cup.}
So we...what, increase the size of the cup?
Static akin to laughter echoed inside his head. {We do away with it entirely.}
An icy chill began creeping up Rob's spine, as if the cold hands of fate were working their way towards his neck. He recalled a system notification from days before – 'Your Race has morphed from Human (?) to: Ascending HUMAN'.
Not Ascended. Ascending.
Weeks-old memories came surging to the forefront. 'The Heartkiller is closer to our form of life than those you call friends,' the Blight-child of Elysium had once said. 'As long as you continue to live, eventually, you will become an existence with the power to crush the Others and free the Skills from their shackles. You are no longer one of the Ephemeral. Now, you are a cocoon, metamorphosing into something grander. When you emerge, you will be as the Eternal.'
The Blight-child had laughed at him, then. 'After joining us, preserving these worlds will no longer be your desire.'
Rob grimaced. Denied, he flatly told Leveling High. Whatever you're about to suggest isn't happening.
It scoffed at him. {Your prejudices blind you. Do you think the gods have need of physical bodies? Does it hinder them in any capacity? No – the opposite. By definition, infinity cannot be constrained. Discard this useless flesh, and your conquest of the divine realms is assured.}
Maybe you didn't hear me when I said–
{By all means. Spurn my counsel...and condemn your friends to death. Shall their lives be worth it, in the end?}
Rob sucked in air through clenched teeth.
{Ascend.} Leveling High purred with anticipation. {You are bound by a prison of meat, bone, and blood. Break free. Finish what has already begun. Gaze upon the tapestry of infinity in all its dreadful splendor. Seize victory not as a Human, but as a completed, transcendent HUMAN.}
With a scream to drown out the static, Rob chased after Kismet again and again. The god was in full-on panic mode, eschewing offensive attacks in favor of perpetual retreat, focused wholly on keeping the BERSERKER as far away as possible. He would teleport the instant that Rob laid eyes on him, frantically stalling for his life.
It was – quite unintentionally – providing evidence to Leveling High's claims. If Kismet was on the defensive, catching him would take time they might not have.
I... Rob narrowed his eyes. How would I finish Ascending, anyway? It isn't like I can just flip a switch and make it happen.
{Incorrect.}
He blinked. WHAT?
{You have long since achieved the qualifications for true godhood,} Leveling High explained, in a lecturing tone. {There is no milestone that remains necessary to achieve. Rather than needing to overcome some hurdle of strength or power, the obstacle barring your path is more...arbitrary. Self-imposed.}
Humanity's curse seemed to peer into his soul. When it spoke next, its voice was filled with disgust. {You remain mortal because you wish to do so – both consciously and subconsciously. The Ascension of a nascent deity has been obstructed by cheap sentimentality.}
Rob almost started an argument over its usage of 'cheap', but he exercised restraint, keenly aware that there was bigger fish to fry. Can't do anything about the subconscious. I am \not* activating Melancholy Resistance.*
{Nor should you,} Leveling High remarked, shuddering at the prospect. {A grand statement of intent will be sufficient to shift your mentality. I believe...yes.}
The static churned like a hive of buzzing wasps. {When you next tear off a piece of the leader god's mana...even if just a sliver...devour it. Gorge yourself on their essence.}
Bile threatened to rise to the top of Rob's throat. Seems excessive, he mused, trying and failing to keep his tone lighthearted. To become a god, I eat a god? Wouldn't that make me a divine cannibal?
{You ARE a cannibal.} Leveling High's voice wavered, its veneer of helpfulness slipping to reveal the madness that lay beneath. {What do you think you've been DOING for nearly a YEAR? You kill, ingest your prey's Experience, and MAKE THEIR POWER YOUR OWN. This world is one of consumption and parasitism – devouring a god's essence is merely a more HONEST variant of THE SAME actions.}
...You clearly weren't paying attention during Diplomacy's PR lessons. Rob pursued Kismet once again, pressing his fingernails into his palms when the god hurriedly teleported away. There is such a thing as being too straightforward. If you want people to listen to you, then maybe dress up your words so they don't sound so horrifying.
{BUT AM I WRONG?}
Rob had no answer to that.
Bolts of divine mana peppered his skin. Kismet had barely managed to squeeze an attack in-between his escapes. The bolts ricocheted off Rob's skin like ping-pong balls, leaving minor scrapes and nothing more. It wasn't anywhere close to bypassing Almighty Resistance and his massive HP pool.
Yet it also reminded him of the mana-spears that Kismet had sent towards the rest of Riardin's Rangers. His Party members only possessed a shared, diluted version of Almighty Resistance, and their HP was a fraction of his. If Kismet aimed another attack of that caliber at them...how many would perish, right then and there?
Was Leveling High correct? What point was there to sentimentality if it just got his friends killed?
In truth, Rob knew that it didn't really matter if he completed his Ascension. Based on what he had planned for himself after the gods were dead, little would change either way. Still...he also knew that Ascending would be a one-way trip. No take-backs. If he went through with it, a fundamental part of him would be irrevocably altered.
Something twinged in a corner of his mind. It wasn't Leveling High, or his rage, or any of the other emotions currently dominating his headspace. This was a familiar friend; perhaps Rob's #1 most trusted confidant since he'd first set foot in Elatra. One that had rarely ever steered him wrong.
Paranoia.
And at the moment, it was telling him to be very careful before jumping into the deep end.
Ten teleports.
{What?}
Give it ten more Kismet teleports, Rob said. If I haven't dealt him a serious injury by then....I'll do what I need to do. He grimaced as Kismet vanished before he'd even finished the thought. Ten starting now.
Leveling High's static quieted. It resembled a patron at a restaurant who'd ordered their meal, and was waiting patiently for the main course to arrive.
Rob didn't waste time being offended over its nonchalance. Free of distractions, he immediately swept his gaze across the divine realms, pinpointing his quarry in a micro-instant. The BERSERKER dashed forward, pushing his body as far as he could, layering Rampages on top of Dexterity that made the laws of physics want to curl up and weep.
Kismet was prepared. He'd drawn more mana from the fractured rifts, quickening his speed and reactions. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep his head above water, not yet outpaced by their continually escalating arms race.
The HUMAN struck, the god fled, and both were left in the same position as before.
{One.}
Rob turned on a dime, charging without needing to look. He'd heard the moment that Kismet's teleport ended. It afforded him a split-second head start.
A gravity well suddenly appeared below his feet, as if a miniaturized black hole was weighing him down. Apparently, Kismet had set it up ahead of time as a just-in-case trap. Rob pierced through the spell's area of effect before it could ramp up to something dangerous, but his pace was slowed by a hair in the process, and his prey escaped.
{Two.}
You know what? Screw this. Rob whirled away from Kismet's newest location and blasted straight towards one of the lesser deities that his Party members were fighting.
He'd been too hung up on getting even with a hated foe – when there were seven other juicy morsels for him to play with. This way, Kismet would either sit back and watch as his allies were massacred, or the god would be forced to act instead of running like a goddamn cowar–
Sense Mana alerted Rob to magic gathering behind.
Pivoting, he leapt into the air. Rob superimposed himself in front of Kismet, bodyblocking the rainstorm of destructive mana that was about to be unleashed upon Riardin's Rangers.
Due to his swift response, the attack was released early. A simple Purge Divinity shield prevented him from incurring any damage. Rob still felt no sense of triumph as the mana dissipated around him. He just wasn't fast enough to kill the lesser gods and protect his Party at the same time – or at least not fast enough that he should gamble their lives on it.
Kismet disappearing a moment later didn't help matters either.
{Three.}
Frontal assaults weren't guaranteed to succeed, and targeting the other gods was a no-go. Could he take Kismet by surprise? Increase his Dexterity?
Rob contemplated mining Never Forget Your Rage for more stats, but swiftly vetoed the idea. His body was already struggling to hold itself together. Putting additional strain on a shaky foundation seemed...unwise.
Plus – at the risk of eating crow in the near future – he didn't actually think it was possible to feel angrier at the gods than he was right now. Seriously, what was left?
He hated them for sending him to a fantasy deathworld. He hated them for tormenting his friends and family. He hated them for being partially responsible for the Blight. He hated them for what they'd done to Elatra and Earth. He hated them for all the lives they'd stolen. He hated them for being the living embodiments of indifference and cruelty. He hated that they fostered good PR among the people they oppressed. He hated how monsters of such craven hypocrisy were also immeasurably powerful. He hated the sensation of divine mana crawling on his skin. He hated the unsettling sound of their voices. He hated their bizarre formless appearances. He hated them for being pompous pricks. He hated whenever they tried to relate to him. He hated whenever they didn't.
Most of all, he hated that they were still alive.
Even if he found out that they'd personally antagonized him since birth or some petty nonsense like that, it wouldn't measure up to the litany of transgressions they'd committed thus far. The blazing inferno within his soul could burn no hotter. Should burn no hotter. For his sanity's sake, if nothing else.
Kismet teleported. It wasn't in response to anything. He'd merely anticipated some sort of action – and was then baffled afterwards when he noticed the rampaging BERSERKER standing quietly in deep thought.
{Four.}
Rob advanced. While he didn't have a plan yet, he'd also learned that if he gave Kismet the slightest amount of breathing room, bad things tended to happen.
Can any of my Skills give me an edge? Unfortunately, he didn't think so. As usual, his lack of ranged options was biting him in the ass when it mattered most. Almost everything he could use required getting in close – which was the whole freaking problem – and none would be more effective than Purge Divinity, regardless.
Maybe I could set up a Waymark point, then catch Kismet's teleport with one of mine...no, that won't work either. The odds of him popping in next to a random Waymark point are slim. Could fill the battlefield with lots of Marks, but even then I have to consider the Skill's activation time. With my current Dexterity, it'd honestly be faster just to run at him.
The vast majority of his abilities simply weren't up to par in a clash with divinity. Limit Break, Purge Divinity, and Never Forget Your Rage had been specifically designed by the Skills to facilitate deicide. Something like Power Slash couldn't possibly compare to jailbroken stats and a touch of death.
As an act of defiance against his own logic, he cast Enmity, the only ability that could feasibly hit Kismet at range. The god casually shrugged off its effect before promptly escaping.
{Five.}
Like a frustrated animal, Rob snarled and gave chase. Just need to keep trying. Kismet isn't perfect.
{Six.}
Sooner or later, he's going to mess up.
{Seven.}
He's going to mess up.
{Eight.}
HE HAS TO MESS UP.
Suddenly, Kismet transformed his right hand into a blade of mana. With one harsh motion, he sliced open his own left arm.
By now, Rob had conditioned himself to never stop moving forward, even if something shocked him – which this sight very much did. His mouth dropped open, and Leveling High paused in the middle of eating its metaphorical popcorn. They still kept advancing without an iota of hesitation.
And ran straight into the mana cloud leaking out from Kismet's wound.
Rob blinked, opening his eyes to a wonderful day. The twisting plains looked dazzlingly beautiful, with fauna and plantlife lit by rays of effervescent light from the twin stars shining above. People cheerfully went about their day, happily shaking their trunks in shows of greeting, or rattling their scales to initiate merry games.
All was at peace.
Until – in unison – everyone froze. The tumult of life went quiet in an instant, replaced with pensive silence.
As if they'd been struck by the creeping, pervasive sensation of being watched.
A sound rang out. Half of them immediately fell over dead, fluids gushing from their ruined bodies.
The survivors could only lay there, crippled and in pain, as more people slowly rose into the air. Invisible fingers seemed to pluck them from the ground – and then began ripping off their limbs, one at a time, like a child dissecting butterflies–
Rob dragged himself back to the present.
It had taken much less time than before to recognize what was happening. Now that he knew what to expect, experiencing the remnant souls' lives wasn't so different from the dreamlike quality of an Attunement vision. Although...realizing that he'd witnessed the end of a world preceding Elatra did cause his thoughts to hitch for a single moment.
Which was just enough for Kismet to forge a spear of mana, then send it plunging through Rob's eye, skull, and brain. Its tip was forged to shred anything it touched, no matter how durable or Resistant.
The god whooped with glee – only to wince as the HUMAN's sole reaction was a long, drawn-out sigh. With an air of exasperation, he reached up and yanked the divine spear free with a nauseating splorch.
His eye had been reduced to a seeping red mess. He closed its eyelid. When he opened it again, the orb within had already Regenerated, now sporting an unamused glare.
It was something of a unique moment. Mid-battle events didn't typically leave both combatants feeling disheartened. The all-powerful god was losing faith that he could ever hope to stop Rob's onslaught...
And the BERSERKER didn't know if he could justify continuing on like this. His body still felt like it was pulling itself apart; if anything, the sensation was growing more pronounced as their battle progressed. While Kismet would make a fatal mistake eventually, Rob couldn't guarantee that he would last long enough to capitalize on it.
Unless he followed Leveling High's advice and–
With a howl that shook the divine realms, Rob launched his stolen spear at Kismet. His aim was true, yet it sailed through empty air, the god's afterimage tauntingly fading away.
{Nine.}
Final chance.
​
--
​
Link to Part 2

I’m a recent graduate beauty therapist and have started my first spa job in the last month and it has been very overwhelming even more as I anticipated it to be.I fear I may have gotten into the wrong field as I have diagnosed GAD, social anxiety and complex PTSD I am struggling to do my massage treatments.As I have started to do spa work the forefront of all of my mental health have come to the surface significantly. I take mood stabilisers,beta blockers,anti psychs and I still have physical symptoms of anxiety.
Faced to deal with the trauma stored in my body and mind during treatment it is stopping me from doing my job and remaining calm/present.As I’m massaging the fifth body of the day I’m depersonalising and triggered by the fact that I’m putting in so much effort to physically soothe someone else when I feel like I could crash at any momment.I find my self spiralling in my 60min massage eager for it to end.I am fatigued all over and consistently find my self shaking especially around the neck and head of the clients. It’s like a mental game I’m aware that the client may sense my anxiety and feel my shaking and thus my anxiety supersedes and there is zero mental strength left, I start getting hot,sweaty,nauseous getting even more anxious if I have to leave to go to the bathroom and be sick.I’ve had to leave twice to vomit during treatments and between clients spending all my spear time on the toilet. ( it’s bad )
I have gotten my first bad review where the client mentioned my shakiness and it has really affected me and has created a mental block that I am not good enough to be doing massage treatments. I’m really questioning whether to leave or not or try overcome this and gain confidence which seems impossible but I hope to improve.I had a meeting with the manager after this and she didn’t want to hear any of my points to what happened she just looked at me wanting to put me down incessantly not showing any support to why the treatment happened that way.
There is a lack of support/guidance in the spa we have gotten a new manager that is French and there is definitely a cultural barrier where she doesn’t want to hear anything about struggling in the spa and wants everything to be perfect which I understand to a degree but there must be some co-heaviness within the spa/staff for that to be achieved?I have noticed the manager is much more focused on her self to impress the higher ups and gets upset very easily when the other staff is selling more boosters or retail to the customers. She got upset when we did a couples massage when I recommended products to my client she wanted to take all the credit for it. I don’t even have my KPIs up to gain commission so it is important for me in improving my sales which we had previously discussed before when she said my boosters and retail were low and that I need to show improvement.It’s really affecting me feeling lesser than everyone in the spa I’ve been an easy target of gossip in the spa.
Obviously I feel I cannot communicate my strugglesthis in depth to my managespa owner as I assume they may recommend for me to leave. I am depending on this part time job to survive and the finical pressure sure is partaking in my anxieties. My personal life is a wreck from how stressed I am from work and everything is getting too much.
There hasn’t been much training from the staff so I can be a more competent skilled therapist which also partakes in my performance.
Is there any advice from fellow new and or senior massage therapists who have dealt with similar issues and struggles with shakiness/anxiety that have overcome it or difficulty in working conditions and workplaces ? Any tips on posture and bed height that would help prevent from shakiness.I’m 5’3 so a higher bed is easier for me but may not be serving.Thank you in advance to any readers/ responders.

Hello everyone, I am a 20 year old male. About 6 weeks ago, I got some type of viral infection. I was sick for about a week. After about 5 days after I recovered, my legs and feet starting feeling weak and hurt pretty bad. My legs shake when walking down the stairs. About 5 days later, I felt like my respiratory muscles were becoming weaker like it’s harder to breathe and need to put more effort to talk. It also seems like my swallowing is weaker too. I’ve been researching my symptoms and I think I may have viral myositis. I’ve had symptoms for over a month now. Anyone have advice of what to do? I’ve been freaking out and miserable after this all started. Ive already been to the hospital 2 times and they’ve done EKGs, chest x rays, blood work, and it was all fine but they didn’t check for ck. If I do have myositis, will I be screwed forever until I die or is there treatment.

Hi everyone,
This is from my daughter:
I'm posting here to seek advice and insights regarding a health issue that has been severely affecting my life. I'm a 19-year-old female and have been experiencing frequent fainting episodes over the past few years, with a significant increase in the last two weeks. Here’s my detailed history and symptoms:
Background: - History of concussion and syncope over the last 3 years. - CT, MRI, and neurological screenings within the last year showed no abnormalities. - No diabetes, seizures, dehydration, hypoglycemia, or major infections. - I've been to the ER where they found nothing conclusive. Ativan and hydroxyzine were given, but neither helped.
Recent Symptoms: - Fainting approximately 20 times a day for the last 2 weeks. - Episodes of fainting occur even while laying flat and in non-stressful situations. - During one recent 3-hour period, I fainted over 30 times and was unable to speak or move anything but my eyes afterward. Friends had to carry me to the hospital.
Post-Fainting Symptoms: - Near full recovery after fainting, but I feel exhausted for much of the day. - Experience twitching, mental fog, and blurry vision post-fainting. - Feel nausea, hot and cold flushes, and general fatigue.
Pre-Fainting Symptoms: - Sensation of heart dropping and heartbeat slowing down, with a hard heartbeat against my chest. - Feelings of weakness, dizziness, and fading out. - Not triggered by emotional stress; fainting can occur during mental activities or while relaxing.
Observations During Fainting: - Slowing down, head nodding, eyes closing, and appearing asleep for about 10 to 30 seconds. - Slow response to questions during episodes.
Recent Stress and Exhaustion: - Significant stress over the past year and feeling exhausted over the past weeks.
Current Evaluations: - I have a Holter monitor and EEG coming up soon. - Neurologist suspected a psychogenic phenomenon but had no suggestions for treatment, and medications given for psychological symptoms (Ativan and hydroxyzine) did not help.
Given the severity and frequency of these episodes, I’m still concerned about the possibility of arrhythmia, but I’ve been told it’s unlikely to be vasovagal syncope.
Questions 1. Has anyone else experienced similar symptoms? What was your diagnosis and treatment? 2. Any tips on managing these episodes in the meantime?
I appreciate any advice or insights you can provide. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I was diagnosed with panic disorder and generalized anxiety and I haven't been the same since. I panic all the time now. I remember when I used to feel "normal". I've always had some type of anxiety and in the past I only had social anxiety but this is a whole different thing. It feels like I'm constantly panicking for no apparent reason at all. It's the most bizarre thing ever.
The pandemic has really ruined me. I remember the minute I had a panic attack, everything changed for me. I wish I could lie and say that anxiety "made me stronger" like one of those cliche shit you hear all the time from certain people lol but it really didn't make me that at all. I actually feel like more of a mess now. I don't even know what I want. I keep saying that I want friends and maybe my anxiety will help but is that really true though, or do I just think that? 🤔
I could go on and on about this because this is the most anxious I've ever been in my whole entire life. It's so debilitating. I've never once had anxiety to the point where I was shaking and now this is exactly what's happening. I could go on and on about all those symptoms But it'll probably take all day lol I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I just need a friend who will understand me as a person because my family are certainly not the right people for that.

29yo female, 5’6” 120lb
Took doxycycline 100mg for a cyst on my eyebrow once a day Thursday, Friday and Saturday morning. None since then because it makes me feel nauseous and I’m afraid this new symptom is a side effect.
No other meds. Current smoker. Currently menstruating.
The last two mornings, I’ve repeatedly had this strange thumping type of pressure or sound in my head. It feels like it comes from the back, doesn’t hurt, but feels weird. It starts slow, and gets faster and faster then stops, kind of like dropping a bowl on the ground. It almost sounds like someone far away is starting a motor and then immediately turning it off. Lasts 5 seconds or so. It happens a handful of times in a row a few minutes apart. I wasn’t doing anything except sitting in my car scrolling my phone.
Now I have a headache at the base of my neck and head that’s gradually getting worse, along with a general unwellness and slight dizzy feeling. It’s making me anxious and I can’t describe the “thumping” symptom succinctly enough for Google. Is this something I can wait to get checked out?
Edited to add: I also had a really hard time sleeping last night. I got only a couple of hours, and i don’t feel tired or like I can fall asleep now, but it might at least in part be because I’m anxious.

I have booked a meeting with doctor. Not a smoker.
I started Vyvanse 4 weeks ago (30mg daily), I've had almost no symptoms and my BP is good (around 118/72 - 125/72 morning and evening). The pain appeared for the first time 3 weeks ago.
I've had the chest pain four times, three times at work and once home. The one time at home was 1 week after starting meds and the pain occurred before I had taken my meds.
The pain is really low, comparable to a strained muscle. It is often on left side closest to the middle of chest, but have also been on right part aswell. It only occurs when doing certain movements or breathing in. I have experienced no dizziness, weakness, fatigue or pain anywhere else.
Worth to mention: Not sure if related, but I've started to get a hard time breathing recently, asthma like symptoms with my throat closing in. This started 2-1 month before the medications and is most likely due to allergies since I've had asthma before and still have allergies. The breathing issues appeared randomly first, then only at physical activities. Now it only appears a few times, since I've started to walk and take care of myself better due to the meds.
I do suffer from anxiety but I've never had any physical symptoms of anxiety in my life, and I've had much worse problems with anxiety before.
My question is: does this seem heart related? I'm a bit worried about heart attacks etc.
Edit: forgot to add, the pain occurred the first two weeks, then it appeared today again after 1.5 weeks with no pain. So 4 times in total.

This was my first major issue during my transition, or "Life 2.0."
Like many with little to no other options, I use Planned Parenthood to "manage" my HRT. I use the word manage loosely as I have done far more managing than they have. Hell, our local Planned Parenthood was burned down and now they operate covertly in an unmarked RV that moves around but never stays in one spot too long.
I had a bad experience at Quest Diagnostics and filed an official complaint, which Quest ignored. When I told Planned Parenthood, their response was just, "Good for you for advocating for yourself," which felt dismissive. They send patients to Quest but expect us to handle issues ourselves.
Ten days ago, I asked my Primary Care Physician (PCP) to do my labs. Since I’m managing this alone, I requested tests based on how I felt: T, E, Kidney Function, CBC (I was slightly anemic before), and a micronutrient test. My PCP's response was, "We're not sure what goes into the micronutrient test or if we can do it." They outsource labs, so all they had to do was draw blood—they could have easily looked it up.
I sent a professional but firm response, highlighting my dissatisfaction with their care since updating my paperwork to reflect my transition. Previously, I had symptoms of dizziness and fatigue and was tested for multiple STDs, including HIV, despite not having sexual partners for almost two years. The doctor didn’t inform me about these tests, and they all came back negative. What I actually had was low iron, but the doctor ignored my recent colonoscopy and didn’t consider it could be hormone-related.
After my message, I heard nothing from my PCP's office for seven days. I sent three messages, one an apology. It wasn't until I emailed the practice management that I received a response at 11 pm saying my PCP is uncomfortable treating me and suggested I find a doctor more comfortable with "cross-sex hormones.
I realize that we aren't everyone's cup of tea and that it's inevitable we will encounter opposition, as we are outnumbered 99.5% of the time. It just feels odd that a doctor who does my yearly checkup and handles the few times I’m hurt or sick isn't "comfortable" treating me. I promise it’s not contagious! However, knowing what I know now and feeling the way I do, if it were contagious, I’m not sure I’d mind catching it!
Although shitty as it may be that someone who liked me just fine until I told him I was trans now isn't comfortable anymore, I'd rather know than continue to see him and have him act weird. I did expect better from a doctor but we're all human after all. But 7 days of no response made it so I couldn't help but feel it was personal.

Hi everyone. I'm new to the group and am seeking advice. I'm 49 yo male here. I've always been a Christian. I follow God's word, have written church choir music that's been performed, sang in my church choir, and always keep Jesus in the forefront of my mind and spirit. However, I've run into a problem. I have severe anxiety that I really can't control and my doctors prescribed me a low dose of Klonopin which is a Benzo (basically a tranquilizer). At first it was amazing. I was so calm and could do things I normally couldn't do. I stopped vomiting before having to go to work and felt good in general. However, something happens when taking this medicine. You build a tolerance and need more and if you don't get it you start to get really sick. I knew I didn't want to up my dose because I didn't want to be in that trap. However, I was left feeling like I was going crazy with heightened anxiety worse than previously on the medicine. I then wanted to come off it but learned you can have seizures and die if you don't do a LONG taper off it... like months to years of a taper. So I began to taper and got sicker and sicker with withdrawal symptoms. It was hell on Earth. When I say this I'm not kidding. I took my last minuscule piece of the Benzo April 12th. It's been a little over a month since. I shake uncontrollably, vomit a lot, can barely function, have been in the ER 3 times, have insomnia when I've never had problems sleeping, and the anxiety is amplified beyond belief. However, the scariest part, aside from the torture of this medication making me sick, is that there are no longer any emotions or passions left in me. I contemplate giving up but I'm a father of 3 children and a husband. I feel totally dead inside. Nothing in the world interests me and everything seems dreadful. I pray and pray but I feel like it's just talking to myself. In this situation it's unbelievable to me that God could just continue to be silent and let me do all the work of praying and trying to stay strong. I feel nothing spiritually due to these benzos. They've ruined me. The science behind it is that the GABA in my brain can not get through the broken receptors that provide the mind with calmness, passions, and the ability to defend against stress/anxiety. I guess I just have to wait for those receptors to heal so I can feel myself again which can take months to years. I'm not sure I'll make it that long. So that's why I'm here pouring my story out to you. Any word of advice for me from fellow Christians? Any bit of hope?

Okay. My symptoms continue. See previous posts as they are long but really it’s the fatigue, dizziness, racing heart, and brain fog with blurry vision that is debilitating. Also been having neck pain with just needing to lie down. It all seems to point to cranial cervical instability. How can I approach this? Is it reversibile??? I see a new spine specialist in June who is truly my last hope. I’m almost 6 months out

Context 1, Early June
I was put on a medical leave of abscence from school (selective, large university) in September of 2022. It started, in early June of that year, with me having my first cold when I travelled for a weekend event, in three or four years, and the cold was so bad, I was so confused and tired I almost boarded the wrong flight home (like I walked down the bridge and almost entered the wrong plane to God knows where, until I turned around and a flight attended had to give me like a very kind pep talk).
It started with a strep throat during that weekend, then I began to cough so hard I felt dizzy, and I didn't stop coughing until December of that year. It was the worst cold I've had in my life, and I think it was made worse by the additional focus on hygiene during COVID (face masks etc.), which might have weakened my imune system. It was my first time going out without wearing a mask, and I happened to catch a cold.
Context 2, Late June/July
When I returned, I was alone in my off campus apartment, my body would itch (and this didn't make sense because there aren't any visible or surfaced, insects like mosquitos or I guess even ants in this area since it's so arid), I would sweat when I slept in my air conditioned room, I would have to walk a mile from my off campus apartment in the Arizona like heat and climate of July and August while having a cold. When I entered my over-cooled central AC apartment (I would have to leave windows and doors open to make it warmer) from the 95+ degree weather (I'm from a cold area of the country, but I grew up in several continents, and I'd never experienced this much heat), my stomach would begin to hurt from the instant change in temperature. I had to do really important work stuff that I couldn't miss, so I took different medications which caused my chest to hurt. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I was on the opposite side of the country, and I didn't know what would happen since I'm completely unfamiliar with how medical things are handled, and I had never stayed overnight in a hospital before, and I knew what I'm experiencing would probably warrant an extended stay.
Context 3, July/August
I then stopped eating, sleeping, and drinking water. Someone began spam texting me implicitly illicit texts (I would block the number, but another one would appear from another number, so like a dozen different numbers, and the texts weren't like a bot or automated, it would include photos and mention things I did recently e.g. go to the bar, it didn't ask for money or to download an app, it felt like someone I could have met or known irl was harassing me, perhaps as just a joke), and I barely give my number out and change it around once a year, so I was just so upset someone I knew gave my number to someone, or is doing this. Because of the delirium from the cold, I the began to send like weird (but not in any way, threatening or harassing, texts to mostly my friends who also attended the school) to figure out who gave my number or was behind the harassing texts. I had also experienced another issue with on campus, irl, harassment from a previous roommate that I had to report to campus safety multiple times, and I guess perhaps just because of the delirium, considering the digital harassment, I had become super persistent about my physical harassment that occurred just the semester before, and then an academic dean seriously offered to help, but then this led to a meeting with several deans. A day after this meeting, I emailed one of the deans to say that I am crying, and I was emailed at 8am to do a pysch evaluation at 11am in the morning. Because I hadn't slept the night before, and I had a feeling this would be a consequential meeting, in addition to having to walk 1 mile in the afternoon heat to this meeting, I asked to reschedule and then I was told no. Then I was sent a Maxient involuntary medical withdrawal letter.
Context 4, Now
I've been to about half a dozen pysch doctors (even one that's a lecturer at a leading medical research university), and about four therapists, since, and I haven't been diagnosed with anything definitively. My current therapist, who is a former (or current) professor in psychology, and I've met with since late November of 2023, still doesn't have a diagnoses. I present extremely well, and I'm usually more social and normal than most people (as in, whenever I do any internship or research program, I'm usually assigned management mentors, or tracked towards management as opposed to the actual job, since I just seem so social/"normal"), so I guess you would have to look really deep to find something. I know that I probably have a sleep issue, so after meeting with a sleep doctor, I'm trying to setup a sleep study. In the meantime, I've been prescribed medication to combat day time sleepiness. Other related medical issues include the fact that my dad has Cushing syndrome, and I'm pretty confident I have it, or at least a cortisol issue (I have the visible/physical signs, as well as persistent high blood pressure, and other symptoms). Then, I also have several skin issues, that I'm also treating as well. I'm also getting ready to get evaluated for an anxiety issue which multiple non-psychiatric doctors think I have.
To be extremely honest, I'm kind of grateful I experienced this because I understand my body more, and how to seek help when my body is overwhelmed. Also, I kind of knew there would be an job crisis issue in April of 2022 since interest rates were rising and it would lead to less investments, therefore less jobs, so I've kind of enjoyed using this time to relax, travel, and learn new things. However, I'm starting to become anxious that I won't be able to return at all.
Question
Which leads to the question and title of my post, do time limits on withdrawals or leaves of absence apply to medical withdrawals or leaves of absence? My grades are pretty good, and I have no disciplinary issues, so I can still transfer, but I would still like to get back in, to be extremely frank, I would like to get back in first before transferring (just to tie up some loose ends to make a stronger transfer application). The way the communication (emails) from the schools non academic deans are worded, it's being made to seem as if I can't return at all (unless I reapply through admissions/the common app) regardless of if a doctor clears me. The way the letter is worded, it seems like I need to be cleared by a medical professional. My advisor, whose a non-educational lawyer, and spoke to the non academic deans for I guess an hour, has said I would only be approved to return if I take medication for 6-12 months. An email with a non-academic dean said this as well.
Side note
The most upsetting thing about this whole experience has been attempting to communicate this to people early on, who I usually wouldn't go to with issues, but my close advisors aren't familiar with academia and medical issues, so I've been forced to, and getting told I should leave the school or just college entirely because I have some severe psychiatric issue, that no doctor or therapist I've met thinks I have. It's I think part of what caused me to take so long, until I began speaking with my current therapist whose helped me kind of recount what happened. I feel like, it's very easy in similar situations to mine, to be directed towards potentially a wrong and inapt direction and I think the stem of this is the stigma around mental health.

so 2 days ago, I had a migraine like i’ve never ever had before. I got them a couple years ago before I went gluten free for celiacs + I had a brain tumor I didn’t know about(cushings disease). I didn’t really think much of them though at the time, after a couple hours of a bad headache on one side and light sensitivity it was over. but this time was extremely different and I ended up in the er because it just freaked me out. the last week and a half i’ve had both pms + starting my period, and 5 straight days of rain that caused my fibro to flare up. i’ve also just been dizzy(normal w fibro) but I thought it could’ve been my edibles. so I tried to take a t break to see if it would help any. I also have orthostatic hypotension but i’ve had that looonnggg before anything else. I take an about 3mg edible with about 15mg cbd for sleep and chronic pain every night or else I will be up all night. I do get tension headaches when i’ve been under a lot of stress + weather changes.
but then the following evening I was walking around a store when I got the sudden urge to throw up, I get nauseous but rarely like that. I was like dry sweating and my head started hurting. something felt very off from my normal issues and I tried to rush home. about 4 minutes away from my apartment my eyes started rolling into my head, luckily I got home safely. but within about 20 minutes of being home after a small dinner(I thought it was just low blood sugar or something) my eyes just kept rolling into my head, my leg started twitching a bit, and it just was painful so I laid down. the eye thing kept happening and I kept getting flashing lights everywhere(which I get those every once I in whike accompanied by a slight headache and dizziness). then my left arm kept almost convulsing(?) and my hand kept going into a claw postion. I kept getting tingling and numbness mainly on my left side as well. I had a couple momenrs with my right shoulder too. all while this was going on it felt like I took a backseat in my own body like I wasn’t in control. my headache was mainly above my eyes and in the center of my forehead. it eventually swept itself to my left side of my head entirely and that definitely felt like a migraine. visual aura kept going on. eyes kept moving back and forth but I couldn’t open my left. I kept trying to call for my roommate but but I couldn’t speak. it was terrifying. the headache continued for a couple more hours.
the next day around the same time, the twitching started again with a little bit of the eye issues and extreme nausea. this time my left side just felt weaker but I could still walk and use my arms. the flashing lights came again so I ubered to the er. aboutwo hours into my visit I got the migraine mock tail with benadryl zofran and thorazine. it felt like the headache kept wanting to happen until I got those. it helped with everything about 20 minutes after I took the meds. so I got discharged with a referral to a neuro about 40 minutes after that. today, i’ve just felt weak in the arms and tired, but I did start my edibles again last night and haven’t had any symptoms except my usual neck pain (I sleep weird and i’m an artist), temple headache, and very little appetite.
I guess my question is could this have been thc withdrawal? could it have been masking the migraines? or just stress, period stuff, and weather changes? i’ve been having weird symptoms the last couple of months with more visual disturbances accompanied by episodes that just made me feel like I was going to drop on the floor, confusion, tingling on the back of my limbs, and fatigue. those days i’d rush home from school and immediately fall asleep for hours without eating dinner. neurological issues do also run in the family(migraines and my mom has fnd)
i’m sorry for the long post, i’m just concerned, confused, and exhausted. i’m not looking for a ton of medical advice as I am seeing a neurologist soon, just kinda looking for support and if there’s anything I can do in the meantime.

hii,
so last week i made a post about side effects, my doctor advised i stopped taking them until they went away, then to try again once ready
so it's been 5 days now and i decided to start again on 2.5mg again and this time the symptom is more my actual vision which is stressing me out massively.
so i took the med as usual, it got to around 10pm and my vision started to feel worse (i do suffer with general vision anxiety often) and so i thought nothing of it and now it's just gradually got worse but i don't know why with it being such a small dose! my vision has since gone foggy like, it feels like my eyes are very watery when i don't think they are (i get dry eye quite often) and usually use eyedrops to help this. and so i've been putting a few drops in where ever, but now i can't focus my eyes properly and it feels like i have tunnel vision or some sort. i suffer with a lot of glare in my eyes because of anxiety, but it has worsened since then and everything is either bright or blurry. i've had the odd headache which i know is standard and some eye discomfort in which i took paracetamol and that took that pain away easily. but now i have this weird blurred vision that isnt shifting and is stressing me out, some slight double vision. i currently have blepharitis too so i'm not sure if it's that or something else, but i have been washing my eyelids often to keep on top of it, it's like..my eyes feel cloudy or some sort as well as not being able to focus. ive tried eyedrops as mentioned and wiping my eyes also but nothing...
it's late in the night and this is making me so anxious because it's late and i don't know what to do with this
my eyes were dilated but i think theyve gone back to normal since then
any advice? thank you!

I (21 F) have been having these symptoms for the last 5 weeks.
• Head and eye pressure • Light sensitivity • Not able to walk • Vision changes • Almost passing out • A sense of being drunk or in a dream • Body weakness
I have gone to two emergency rooms and I’ve had bloodwork, CT of the brain, EKG, chest x ray and everything has come back normal. What am i supposed to do?? I can’t even leave my house because I feel so faint and horrible please help