I had a lovely time with Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes. The nostalgia was wonderful and it managed to do what a lot of games don't always achieve for me personally, and that's keep me hooked. Keep me excited, to the point where I'm thinking about it at work etc.
I was thoroughly impressed by what the devs managed to cook up. Was it a perfect game? No, but it was well worth my time. I really appreciated the cutscenes (very few) that went beyond just a single frame of characters talking (like the final showdown).
QOL suggestions for future titles:

1. HP & MP restore at Save Points
2. Sort current party to the top row(s) in Castle gear and rune screens
3. Skip cutscenes option & cancel current activity options. I don't want to have to sit through the rest of a race or card game if I'm already losing. Allow me to stop the activity and restart

Personal wishes:

1. I wish there were more unique skills, especially for the more prominent party members. Seign & Marisa only getting two of these? Very disappointing. I wish the skill rune-lens you get weren't just generic attacks, and that there were even more with really cool effects and animations - this would help towards the lack of unique character skills. What else would have been lovely = Epic finishers...I'm thinking about the final boss and the very cool attack animation that is done...
2. A lot of the hero combo's were literally just the same attack animation of a rune lens. I wish there were a lot of more unique and powerful combos.
3. Now this might seem silly, but I wish character weapons actually changed in appearance once you hit those unique levels where the name changes. Sure the characters are HD-2D but many other similar games have their pixelated weapons change in appearance.
4. You could get rid of random encounters and put "shadow" versions of enemies on the path (think Persona 3 and 4). In some cases we can avoid them and in others we can't.
5. Really hoping for the Primal Lenses to become part of battles in a future title

I guess that's about it. Really solid game, gave me those good old JPRG feels and honestly, a bravo to the devs is in order. Well done! 8/10

i have been an intern for a small non-profit (about 50 employees) for the past 2 years and will be starting full time sometime next month as a web developer.
the current tech team is very small with it only being myself and 2 other people. they have plans of hiring a few more people this year. i'm currently still sharpening my frontend skills, however i've found myself not doing a lot of javascript/framework tasks at this company. just a lot of building email templates (in an editor), adding/updating pages on their site (wordpress editor with some html/css) and just small tech related tasks that aren't exactly coding. i was working on a project that heavily involved javascript but it's currently somewhat on the backburner for now. so i did do some coding projects in the past but it's been a while.
they have plans to grow and incorporate more technology into the company, so my boss says that they will need help building certain tools and such that will require a lot of coding. they are also planning on hiring a senior developer.
idk i guess i wish that i would be doing a lot more coding then im doing now? so even though i know that things will pick up soon but i'm feeling kind of useless.
the salary also isn't the greatest (65k, jobs in nyc, i live in nj), so now i'm wondering if i should start applying to jobs next year that are more tech focused or that has an established tech team? too soon?
i feel really bad thinking this since my boss and everyone at my job is amazing.
thoughts?

i have been an intern for a small non-profit (about 50 employees) for the past 2 years and will be starting full time sometime next month as a web developer.
the current tech team is very small with it only being myself and 2 other people. they have plans of hiring a few more people this year. i'm currently still sharpening my frontend skills, however i've found myself not doing a lot of javascript/framework tasks at this company. just a lot of building email templates (in an editor), adding/updating pages on their site (wordpress editor with some html/css) and just small tech related tasks that aren't exactly coding. i was working on a project that heavily involved javascript but it's currently somewhat on the backburner for now. so i did do some coding projects in the past but it's been a while.
they have plans to grow and incorporate more technology into the company, so my boss says that they will need help building certain tools and such that will require a lot of coding. they are also planning on hiring a senior developer.
idk i guess i wish that i would be doing a lot more coding then im doing now? so even though i know that things will pick up soon but i'm feeling kind of useless.
the salary also isn't the greatest (65k, jobs in nyc, i live in nj), so now i'm wondering if i should start applying to jobs next year that are more tech focused or that has an established tech team? too soon?
i feel really bad thinking this since my boss and everyone at my job is amazing.
thoughts?

i have been an intern for a small non-profit (about 50 employees) for the past 2 years and will be starting full time sometime next month as a web developer.
the current tech team is very small with it only being myself and 2 other people. they have plans of hiring a few more people this year. i'm currently still sharpening my frontend skills, however i've found myself not doing a lot of javascript/framework tasks at this company. just a lot of building email templates (in an editor), adding/updating pages on their site (wordpress editor with some html/css) and just small tech related tasks that aren't exactly coding. i was working on a project that heavily involved javascript but it's currently somewhat on the backburner for now. so i did do some coding projects in the past but it's been a while.
they have plans to grow and incorporate more technology into the company, so my boss says that they will need help building certain tools and such that will require a lot of coding. they are also planning on hiring a senior developer.
idk i guess i wish that i would be doing a lot more coding then im doing now? so even though i know that things will pick up soon but i'm feeling kind of useless.
the salary also isn't the greatest (65k, jobs in nyc, i live in nj), so now i'm wondering if i should start applying to jobs next year that are more tech focused or that has an established tech team? too soon?
i feel really bad thinking this since my boss and everyone at my job is amazing.
thoughts?

i have been an intern for a small non-profit (about 50 employees) for the past 2 years and will be starting full time sometime next month as a web developer.
the current tech team is very small with it only being myself and 2 other people. they have plans of hiring a few more people this year. i'm currently still sharpening my frontend skills, however i've found myself not doing a lot of javascript/framework tasks at this company. just a lot of building email templates (in an editor), adding/updating pages on their site (wordpress editor with some html/css) and just small tech related tasks that aren't exactly coding. i was working on a project that heavily involved javascript but it's currently somewhat on the backburner for now. so i did do some coding projects in the past but it's been a while.
they have plans to grow and incorporate more technology into the company, so my boss says that they will need help building certain tools and such that will require a lot of coding. they are also planning on hiring a senior developer.
idk i guess i wish that i would be doing a lot more coding then im doing now? so even though i know that things will pick up soon but i'm feeling kind of useless.
the salary also isn't the greatest (65k, jobs in nyc, i live in nj), so now i'm wondering if i should start applying to jobs next year that are more tech focused or that has an established tech team? too soon?
i feel really bad thinking this since my boss and everyone at my job is amazing.
thoughts?

I know the title sounds a bit nasty but once I provide context I hope others will understand.
My best friend who I’ll call George and I have been best friends since we were kids, always had the same interests, always wanted to do the same kinda job. When we finished high school we both decided we wanted to pursue a paramedic career.
We both applied to universities and luckily got accepted into the same place. Things were literally perfect and once we completed our degree, we applied to work at the same ambulance stations and luck hit us again and we managed to be assigned to the same station. Our shift patterns were different but we were able to do overtime shifts together, and after a few years managed to get a shift pattern together, and it couldn’t have been anymore perfect working your dream career with your best mate.
Where things soured however was when a senior paramedic role opened up. This is like a team leader role where you have more clinical skills, and have your own team of paramedics you manage. I was offered the job role, and was told George was the runner up.
George told me on our many 12 hour shifts together that he would love to do this kind of role. So because A. I wasn’t really interested in moving to a manager role yet, and B. This is something George wanted to do, I decided to refuse the offer on the condition George would receive it. Which he did.
It was kept secret for a bit that I refused so he could take it but one of the other senior paramedics told him, and at first he was incredibly grateful, and things were great between us. However, 7 months ago I noticed some changes in his behaviour and attitude.
He became more distant, wasn’t as chatty, didn’t want to hang out as often. This was really weird since we literally would see each other most days. When I pulled him up on it, he just said it was because he was busy with the responsibilities of the new job.
I accepted that for a while, but yesterday things came to a head and I was upset at not seeing my best friends for weeks on end. When I pushed for a real explanation, he straight up told me we can longer have a best friend relationship because as he’s my manager, it wouldn’t be professional and would bring into query any favouritism.
I said I would happily change managers if that was a concern, however he shut that idea down and said it wouldn’t matter since he’s still a manager. Every solution I tried to make wasn’t good enough and he eventually just said we can no longer be best friends because it could jeopardise his role as a senior paramedic and to just drop it and maintain a professional relationship.
After everything we went through together and did together I’m genuinely heartbroken. I feel like I’ve just lost a big part of myself. And I know it sounds bad but I wish I never gave up that promotion if I meant I’d still have my best friend with me. Maybe I’m selfish for that but I’m genuinely sobbing over losing him.

Ex. Lily is scheduled on a Tuesday to work 2 pm to 10 pm and then the following day on a Wednesday from 7 am to 3 pm
Lily's boss doesn't seem to understand that she takes public transit and how it affects their sleep schedule
How does your library handle staffing issues like this & also promote work life balance?

...for one thing, man does my wrist hurt after 4 days of Souls games! That was one thing I was not expecting, but probably should've.
So I've only watched Lud for a year or two now but, and mostly I watch the edited videos he does. However, I watched the entire vod(s) from the Lud + Squeex Elden Ring adventure (which was great btw), and it gave me an idea.
I decided to do a marathon similar to what they did, except I decided I would kill **every boss** in **every Souls game** that's on PC (I don't have a PlayStation): DS1, DS2, DS3, Sekiro, and Elden Ring. Several hundred bosses are spread across all 5 games!
I've played the games a few times each, so I figured this would be a fair challenge for me, since any one of the games on its own would be too easy/short of a challenge to really be a "marathon."
And man oh man it has been tough. I have a lot of experience streaming, but I wasn't ready for the endurance it takes to keep streaming for 10+ hours a day. It's also been very weird to know that my stream is going even while I'm sleeping.
Luckily the games themselves have gone pretty well. I only had 14 deaths total in DS1, although DS2 and DS3 both had around 80.
I'm writing this after completing day 4, while I'm winding down to sleep and eating some food. I'm 104 hours in to the stream, and I'm about halfway through Sekiro, with only Elden Ring left after this.
Wish me luck! Wouldn't have had the idea for this without Lud, so I figured it'd be fun to share here :)

This might be a little unrelated to this page, but I just want to vent as a “final attempt” sort of deal. Sorry it’s long.
I am now 25, and have 0 plans or ideas of what to do with my life. I have a wife and Kids, and a mountain of student loan debt. For years I kept saying I should just stop for a while to figure out what I want to do before taking on so much debt, but all I kept hearing was “you’ll figure it out.” I didn’t.
I have taken 100s of not millions of career and personality tests, some free some paid for. I have met with career counsellors, and personal counsellors. I have spent every second since I was 18 with no thought other than what I want to do with my life. That is not an over-exaggeration. I have looked into and studied and pursued more careers and fields than I can genuinely even recount. I had switched my degree 10+ times. I have shadowed multiple professions. I have met with various professors from different fields. I have had interviews with various workers in different fields. I have completely lost my hair line and carry an absurdly high blood pressure at 25 from sheer stress of needing to care for a family but with no idea of what on earth to do. I have even tried all the instagram hacks (which admittedly are just good for you.) I’m talking waking up early, working out, going on runs, eating clean, writing, reading, taking vitamins, going to bed early, you name it. And even stuck to these things for long durations of time (years) and nothing came of it. It consumes my every thought. I wake up thinking on it, and if I ever fall asleep I dream of it.
I just can’t even explain it at this point. This is the part I may receive some judgment for, but I just desperately want to feel passionate about something. Obviously I love my Wife and Children dearly, but I still have a life I need to live, and right now I’m not living, I’m just surviving until I die. I have 1000s of interests, things I enjoy doing, etc. But the second I actually dive into any of them in an attempt to pursue it, I lose all interest in it. It’s as though everything I’m even remotely interested in is only at face level, any deeper and I hate it. Speaking of hate, I have no middle ground for some reason. I LOVE what I love, and HATE what I hate. I was raised very disciplined and still pride myself on it, so I have really tried pushing through things to see if it gets better, and it never does. The only thing I feel passionate about is that life is not something I wish to waste. I’m all for “just picking something” out of duty, and am currently on the path of doing that (Law School) but I know when I’m 70 I’ll hate myself for it. The thought of living and dying and doing nothing but work 80% of my life in between those two events, to make money for some other boss and just be part of the economic cog wheel, makes me infuriated. I desperately just want to be part of something bigger, that makes a change, or helps people, something that I can look back on and say it was worth it, or that I used my once chance at life that I have. Picking a random 9-5 and finding an enjoyable hobby in my off-time does not satisfy that want.
The issue is that I can’t kill that urge. I have tried so many times to just suck it up, choose something, bring home a cheque and be a good father and husband, but I just physically can’t do it. Aside from the family part (obviously,) what a waste. I mean no offense to anyone in that position or who chose to just settle, but I cannot stomach it. Religious or not, I can’t believe that the opportunity I have been afforded by my existence alone should be sullied by choosing to settle and be content for the sake of paying a mortgage. To live and breath only to work more so you can pay more, and then die. I even spent about a year delving into poetry and philosophy looking for something. Ive read all the books, read all the quotes, all the poetry, nothing.
I feel I can do something, and I want to, but have no idea what.

Found out he's not technically licensed or insured even though his business cards say it and the website I built for him says it. I thought all union plumbepipefitters were licensed... He does commercial plumbing work for extremely big projects in Ohio, new construction but the side jobs would be evening/weekend residential repair and new installation upgrades. He doesn't want to pay taxes on the side jobs so he doesn't want to incorporate with an LLC so this is really challenging for me because in order to promote him or work with Google on targeted ads or do search engine optimization to get him clients I need some kind of business name as a title that he shows up as, whether in targeted Google ads or as one of the Google search engine results or in one of the many business directories for professional plumbers that I need to link his name and website and contact info to in order to make him a top Google search result.
I understand not wanting to pay taxes, especially when he is already in a high tax bracket from making $48 an hour at his regular 9-5 but taxes are a fact of life.. I don't like paying taxes either. Since he doesn't want to get an LLC I need to make sure the business name I use isn't actually registered so he doesn't get sued, I have to worry about whether or not Google and other platforms verify licensure and insurance and incorporation before allowing ads or being added to their directories, it's a frickin mess..
Have any of you guys had a side job business and managed to have your website at the top of Google without incorporating and being licensed and insured? He said he can get insured, that's not an issue but I don't understand why he isn't licensed...is it that hard? How do you make $48 an hour and a union journeyman with 20 years experience but not licensed? He definitely has the training, skill, experience...but years back he was addicted to heroin for a while and got a couple theft charges, does that prevent you from being a licensed plumber in Ohio? He's been clean for many years now...If that's the reason why, I don't know if he's ever checked into whether or not it's a deal breaker for lice sure. The licensing is up to a state board, right? It was a pretty long time ago now, since the theft... Seems like they would license him since he hasn't been in trouble since that fiasco if that were the issue.
But yeah, if anyone is familiar with what my brother is trying to accomplish with his side business or what I'm trying to accomplish helping to promote his side work through the website I designed for him and am looking to promote, any advice/info would be greatly appreciated.
Im not a tax accountant but I wish I could convince him to just get an LLC and just pay taxes, would certainly make it easier for me to promote this side business. It seems like he could easily be targeted by the IRS and he wouldn't have protection from getting sued and a lot of jobs wouldn't work out if they are jobs being paid for by insurance companies that probably require work to be done by licensed, insured, plumbers and by someone with a tax id/ with an llc.
Even though he would be paying a lot of tax money, it seems like he could take advantage of a lot of tax write offs. Wouldn't he be able to write off payments for his new truck, a portion of his mortgage payment since some of his house could be claimed as office space, cell phone bill for service calls, gas for service calls, etc? If you have info like that and know real numbers of the savings from tax write offs and real cost numbers of hiring an accountant and things like filing articles of incorporation that could help convince him to do all of this the legit way I would really appreciate it! Thanks.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Decent_Lecture_1514
I run a DnD group with kids aged 7-11 at my local YMCA, and some parents are trying to get the game outright banned. I have to have a meeting with both parents and HR Department and effectively present my case. Please help!
Originally posted to DnD
Thanks to u/PitaEnigma for suggesting this BoRU
EDITORS NOTE: because it's mentioned and some may not remember or been born when it happened, a quick synopsis of the satanic panic
The Satanic panic is a moral panic consisting of over 12,000 unsubstantiated cases of Satanic ritual abuse (SRA, sometimes known as ritual abuse, ritualistic abuse, organized abuse, or sadistic ritual abuse) starting in the United States in the 1980s, spreading throughout many parts of the world by the late 1990s, and persisting today.
Original Post May 9, 2024
Sorry if this is a longer post, but important context below ⬇️
So yeah I'm a program coordinator at our local YMCA and I run an after-school program (effectively am a glorified babysitter hahaha). This past school year I passively mentioned that I play a lot of DnD when one of the kids asked me if I had any plans that weekend, and it totally piqued their interest when I explained to them what the game was like/about. Naturally they asked if they could try and play and I figured sure why not, I'll write a fun and fam friendly one-shot for them.
They all absolutely loved it. It's turned into a proper campaign with about 7 of the 24 kids me and my coworkers look after consistently playing. I've had to limit the sessions to just 1-2 days of the 5 day school week, because I have other kids too that aren't interested in it, and I obviously still need to give them attention and interaction as well (and as you know DnD can be a very engaged and attention demanding). I thought this was a fair compromise. Days that it's nice outside we are always out running around, being active, playing sports -- but if it's a rainy day, or on our weekly Friday Movie Day, we generally play. It's been such a blast sharing something I love so deeply with kids who I care about so much.
So here comes the issue:
Almost every parent of the core group that plays loves that we are doing this (one even plays weekly and we bonded over it haha), but there is one child whose parents certainly do not; they want their kid just constantly active and engaged and playing sports, not playing "silly make believe", which I guess I get to a degree because this is kinda the MO of the YMCA traditionally; healthy active living.
​
I've explained that most days of the week we do just that, and that this is something we only do on Fridays or rain days when we are stuck inside, but they aren't budging. I think they have a misguided idea of the game and what it is, or maybe they are just fundamentally against it, I'm not sure. I don't think it's to the level of like the era of thought where media and the masses thought DnD was some kind of satanic game, but I feel like there could certainly be a bit of that.
​
Anyway they want it to stop immediately. I've told them I'm not forcing anyone to play, and that if they really feel that way they are within their rights to tell their child they don't want him playing, but they are trying to take it a step farther and get it banned. ALSO I would feel horrible if this child were forbade from playing while all his friends have a blast doing so. Just doesn't seem right.
I understand that it's a game that can involve more mature themes and gameplay, and probably isn't reeeeeeeeally for super young folk, but I feel the way I'm running it mitigates this for the most part: there's no PVP (so no bullying can happen), I'm dealing with waaaaaay less serious themes and stakes, and I don't even include any circumstances where they fight any other humanoids -- strictly just heroes fighting big bad monsters and saving towns. You know the drill.
So yeah long story short(ish) the parents of the one child have called a meeting with HR to discuss the playing of this game at the YMCA. I have it on Sunday. I'm confident I'm gonna have to effectively state my case and explain why I think this is not only an okay thing to be doing, but actually in fact a good thing. I don't know if I'll be able to fully sway them if their mind is already made up, all I can do is just speak my truth haha.
I do whole-heartedly think this game can be super beneficial for young folk. I'll spare you my long form thoughts, but between the teamwork and communication required and rewarded, the problem solving (both ethically and logically and mathematically), AND the improvisation emphasized, I think it stimulates a young mind very well. Lets them escape their own world for a bit and take agency and feel they have control, something young people so desperately desire.
So in conclusion, I'm kinda just writing this to get it off of my chest and vent, BUT I guess my questions would be:
​

• do you have any advice on how to properly communicate my points on why this game can be beneficial for young minds?

​

• Do you know of any other benefits I'm missing?

​

• have you ever had experiences similar to this?

Or maybe you disagree with me and think I'm out of line here, which is totally fair too. Just looking to start some dialogue.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Thackebr

I know it is a hassle, but if you get to keep Dnd, you might want to start requiring permission slips. That way, you could avoid this in the future.

The_Law_Of_Pizza

This will make it less likely for the OP to get a surprise angry parent, but I don't like the precedent of demanding permission slips for a mundane board game.
It sets up an expectation that D&D is different in some way, and gives ammunition to these weirdos who are still trapped in the Satanic Panic - it lets them point to the permission slips and say, "Look, even your own policies admit that this is something to be hidden behind barriers and parental approval."
At a certain point we have to stand up to these people in society and tell them that they're being ridiculous and that we won't concede to their demands under any circumstances. That takes a great deal of backbone by the YMCA administration, though.

~
probloodmagic

Geez. Really putting the "C" in YMCA. I imagine looking into how people fought back during the "Satanic Panic" might provide some good advice for this.

u/efrique had a great comment about handling a new round of the satanic panic
Here
Many offered sites that share good info about why DnD is helpful and beneficial to kids
thatdanglion

You can point the leadership and parents to the numerous studies showing the many ways playing D&D is beneficial for kids, too. One, for example.

g3rmb0y

I just looked through this thread, there's a ton of great stuff here.
Some additional good orgs that talk about the therapy side are: https://gametogrow.org/ https://geektherapeutics.com/ https://rollforkindness.com/ (That's me) https://www.thebodhanagroup.org/

dgendbreau

D&D has also been shown to be useful in teaching kids about social skills, creative writing, theory of mind, mental math, team work, problem solving etc.
https://dnd.wizards.com/resources/educators

Update May 13, 2024
Made a post a few days ago about how I run a DnD campaign for some kids in an after-school program I run for the YMCA, and subsequently how the parents of one of the kids was trying to get the game banned and whole operation shut down. I wasn't sure the best way to make an update, but I linked the whole original post above so you can have a read if you'd like ^
So firstly genuine genuine genuine big thanks to everyone who took the time to read and respond with input and suggestions. It means a ton and really helped a lot. So I'm just gonna jump right in with what happened.
Firstly, I took the advice about getting testimonies from parents who were super happy that I was playing this game with their kids -- we weren't allowed to have outside visitors involved in the actual meeting with HR, but I got emails and messages from mostly every parent (besides the one complaining about it lmao) to voice their support and why they think this is not a harmful thing, and in fact actually a good thing. I really think this helped a lot and was a big factor, so thanks everyone who suggested. It's not something I would've thought to do on my own ahahah.
I didn't want to come in toooooo heavy with the articles and very clear scientific proof about the benefits of developing minds playing TTRPGs', because (as it turned out) this was actually more just conversational and "pleasant" than I thought it was gonna be, at least from HRs side. I did mention to them the multiple studies done on this exact scenario, but it turned out I didn't even really need them. There were definitely moments of tension, but this was a more civil conversation than I anticipated from all parties involved. I'm not sure if it was the fact that the parents who complained had to talk to me in person WITH my bosses and HR reps present and it calmed them down a bit? But yeah anyway.
I wish it was a more dramatic story, but basically I just levelled with them person to person.
People who said they were betting on it being a Christian, satanic-panic angle: you were right, mostly anyway. As in, that was definitely a main part of their argument. They are in fact Christian and were concerned, but it was really coming from a place of ignorance about what this game is about, and they specifically didn't understand the fact that the DM (me) can entirely control what the contents of it is. I'm assuming they just googled DnD and probably saw some things they didn't agree with, but once I explained that the way we were playing it included no demon spawn or worshipping, or any killing of other humans, or allowing of murder-hobo activity, they softened up a bit. I told them it's a strictly G/PG rated experience that I'm curating for them. And of course I explained the social and academic benefits of DnD, and how much of a bonding activity this is for the group, and how much their son in particular loves it. This helped big time.
Ironically, it was their other argument about wanting active engagement for their child (ie; sports lol) that was a little harder to combat. From their and HRs perspective, this whole program and the YMCAs MO IS in fact healthy active engagement. I explained that most days of the week we are doing just that. I'm a tennis instructor as well and have played sports all my life (and they know this), so I tried to assure them that I get their child a SOLID amount of engagement (plus free tennis lessons effectively haha). I'll save you the whole back and forth, but this was a majority of our 45 minute meeting.
Im trying to wrap this up with a bow but not sure exactly how, so I'll just finish with the bullet points from the end of the discussion:
• The game is not banned! HOORAY HOORAY!
• I am now only allowed to play it with them once a week (on Friday), but all things considered I'll take this as a win!
• and best of all, the complained parents are letting their kid continue to play!!!! I'm sending them a detailed summary of the contents of my game so they can look it over, but they said with it now "officially" only being once a week, and with a better understanding of what it actually is, they will let him to continue to play. I'm so unbelievably happy.
So boom. Happy ending. Again big thanks to everyone for giving their advice and linking resources; it helped so much and meant a lot. This is a big win for "the community" I feel, at the risk of sounding too corny. You are all the best. I love this game so much 🥹
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP explains how they made DnD G/PG rated

So the method I've taken is that this is mainly an explorative and mystery solving campaign. There is combat occasionally, but it's heeeeeavy on the RP aspect of these aforementioned things (aka 7 kids screaming over each other lmao)
I briefly mentioned in the previous post that when I do involve combat I don't include any that js player versus any humanoids -- so no "killing" of bandits or raiders or pirates or anything resembling, it's strictly taking out big bad monsters, or a big spidebats/owlbear or whatever when it does happen. This takes a big amount of the potential nastiness out: Timmy cant go home saying "Mom I killed 4 dudes today!", regardless if he understands the deeply political and socio-economic rooted reasons why it may be justified he did that 🙄 hahahah.
So yeah eliminated that entirely, strayed away from words like "kill" or "dead" or certainly "murdered", and have a very very "heroes save the town from mishaps" type adventure. For a quick example our last plot hook/beat (which ended up taking up like 3 Fridays because of how long it can take with young kids hahaha) involved them stumbling into a town and discovering that it holds the map to an ancient treasure that is rumoured to be buried in a magical woods nearby. Maaaaaany puzzles and skill checks later they found it deep in the woods by a magic tree and had to answer (very basic) riddles from the speaking and living tree in order to get access to it. They succeeded and absolutely loved it and there was no combat at all.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.
I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
 
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

On a serious note, i have difficulty liking her because she is not scary. She is just annoying. Two girls are making out and then you just see her smirking in the corner...like-what are you doing??😭😭 It's giving the grinch💀
I find it hard to take her seriously because I never actually see her being violent, it's always implied but never shown directly. We see the aftermath of her abuse, but when I don't see the abuse itself, it just seems fake. And I can't take her seriously as a character either because the way she's written is so exaggerated and silly. And the fact that the other characters in the show believe everything she says too - they should have just locked her up in a shed and let everyone take turns torturing her (not sexually) whenever they felt like it. The inmates get what they want, the governor gets what she wants, Bea is safe and gets what she wants, and I get what I want! Then we could have dealt with a more interesting villain like the blonde girl from the Red Crew or something. That would have been much more intriguing.
I'm currently on season 4 and I have this gut feeling that they're going to attempt to give her a redemption arc...but honestly, no matter what she does, I'll never feel sorry for her. Right now, Bea is getting together with Aille and they're absolutely adorable, but i just know that Green Monster will ruin everything. There are some villains who deserve sympathy...but I don't think she's one of them. I don't see her as a villain, I just see her as an annoying bug that needs to die off so we can move on to something more interesting.
edit: Aight im dropping the show, her goofy cartoonish cornball ass is back💀aille and Bae just had sex for the first time and it was adorable and they look happy, honestly, that is enough of an ending for me. I don't want to see her face for another season and then be forced to give a fuck about her sob story, yeah she lost her girlfriend ☹️and her dad was evil and mean to her 😓and she is clinically insane🥺❤️ and her life was just SO so hard😫😫... who cares she still sucks and her character trope is overused and uninteresting. I really wish the villain was at least a bit scary. Maybe If i actually got to see her torture and kill people, maybe then I could take her seriously...
URGH this is so frustrating, the show could have been perfect, like- it's not like she is a terrible actress or anything...I had the same issue with Jacs Holt, she was also not convincing at all, i just found it so unrealistic that they were getting bossed around by them, yeah they had connections on the outside, but it's not like they could use them if they were dead💀and also whenever she squinted her eyes and smiled ''evilly ''.. LMAO😭😭 sorry, it was just not doing it for me.
BUT that is a personal preference, everything else about the show was super entertaining I loved all of the characters who played the prisoners even the bad ones. I also loved the performance of the actresses who played Vera, Sue and Liz because when they were on screen their performances were convincing.

I meant “party” in the sense that the campaign itself never started and totally understand we all have busy lives. But about a year ago my friends and I decided to start a new campaign that would begin as a “who done it” prior to a tournament we would all participate in. We start at lvl 7 and just create wealthy badasses is what the guide lines basically were for the whole party. Other two members were both sorcerers and I was a bard who would not use instruments but allocate my bonuses towards stunts thats I perform. Honestly felt like I made my most favorite character ever and been dying to see what playing as them would be like. Sadly we couldn’t be able to find the time to start it yet and I can’t blame em. Life just be going on and whatnot. Each time we talk about it and remember our players we hype up the idea again and how we would play them. At this point I’m just dying to play them. Starting to give up on the idea of it happening but I want this character to exist somehow. If anyone is interested here is my character. Hope anyone enjoys it and sorry for the long read. Dm also has my stats btw, sorry. Feel free to talk about your characters also.
Oslo Winmore
Backstory Long ago- an outlaw named Lazlo Winmore had found power, wealth and fame like no other pirate during “The Age of New Beginnings”. Lazlo’s accomplishments made his bloodline wealthy beyond imagination for many generations to come. With such wealth within a family there had come a point where his lineage had adapted to wealthy behaviors and adopted similar mindsets to those of a higher class... Ultimately becoming what their great great great grandfather had once despised. After finding out the history of his family’s bloodline and source of wealth: Oslo Winmore had a moment of clarity. A vision of freedom that made himself feel comfortable inside his skin for the first time ever. He decided to became an outlaw of the sea with his younger brother in hopes to achieve the same notoriety of his ancestor by stripping themselves of all titles and possessions for a life of adventure. After a few years of unforgettable laughs, achievements and looting of many sorts- a tragic battle left himself and his crew on the verge of death with few survivors. Leaving the disheartened bunch shipless and broke. They were left off the coast of Windwall. His small group had to scrape up whatever they could in order get by for awhile. No weapons, no spirit, no destination in mind, they decided to settle at Windwall and wait until their wounds would eventually heal. Upon discovering the kingdom of Windwall operating in ways that lead to common folk suffering, Oslo decided he couldn’t stand the sight any longer. His group of friends started performing impressive stunts at a close proximity to the capital in hopes of obtaining funds that would later be used to aid those in need. Project XP had then become established as an organization of Oslo’s and provided protection to the lower class residents. Inspiring hope amongst the kingdom peasants, Oslo became a voice of the people. As these events grew larger and large they reached a point of success to where he became recognized by lords and the king himself. After word had spread of his amazing performances, his presence alone attracted many visitors to the area which brought economical prosperity to Windwall like it’s never seen. Many refer to him as “King of the Common” but King of the underground had a better ring to it in his mind. Activities in the shadows were monitored and eventually spearheaded by the young group of individuals to which the king had no choice but to look the other way so that his kingdom could still prosper. His image became a topic of discussion to both sides of wealth and poverty. Whether or not you loved him or hate him, he showed nothing less than compassion to those who deserved it. However, a strange new drug called “Baby Blue” has been invading the lands of Cornwood and eventually made its way to Windwalls shipment or substances. Horrified by the effects led by this drug, Oslo is determined to find out who is manufacturing and distributing this abomination and total buzzkill.
The grout: Home of Project XP Warehouse area where events are held and stunts are practiced. Some activities may be under the table and somewhat shady. Others are awe provoking. Areas include: Pray room, slay room, weight room, safe room, blaze room, trade room, stage room, boom room Entrance fee is lifted to those who are considered an outcast. Some are allowed to crash where there’s space if we recognize they’re about that life.Multiple areas are marked as “Danger Zone” where intense practices are held.
You are passing through at your own risk of harm. PROJECT XP does not take responsibility for any injury and/or death that may occur.
Project XP members
Oslo: Ring leade Daredevil Stunt Maste ((Considers Project XP his magnum opus. Has a lot of internal monologues)) [drow-tiefling Bard]
Knievel Winmore: Performative Arsonist/ Fire dancer ((Brother of Oslo Winmore, occasional loose cannon, wishes they were pirates again instead of performers)) [Drow-Tiefling Rogue]
Clam: Right hand man/ Tiger Tame Swordsman ((Always covered in jewels. Pet Tiger named Oro. Twin blade wielder )) [Human Fighter]
Boe & Beaux : Twin Bouncers/ HandyMen ((Unusual consumption, hard to give orders when names sound similar)) [Dwarven barbarians]
Aderet Lavish: Heale Illusionist/ Restoration Expert/ ((Gender bending abilities. Considers everyone annoying. Sees everyone like younger siblings)) [Wood Elf Cleric]
ROD: Announce Hype Man/ ((Loyal to The Grout. Merchant of illegal substances. Still can’t afford cost of living. Unable to speak quietly)) [Human -Monk Free spirit being]
Craddoc Dudum: Condemned Magical Scientist/ Cleanup crew/ ((Collects corpses due to stunt casualties. Research is unknown)) [Changling Wizard]
Bibbins: Demolitions expert/ Stunt Coordinato Enginee ((Ex mob boss- formerly known as “The Big B”. The guy who knows a guy. Old timer who can finally cut loose)) [Gnome tinkerer]
Patches: Practice Dummy ((Sentient crash dummy. Lives to fall apart. People tend to confide with him most)) [undead]
Masami Yano: Quartermaste Legal Advisor ((Constantly stressed. Former New York City resident. Had switched dimensions by a witches spell)) [Human Attorney]

Hi All! I need some advice!
3 months ago, I started a new role within my company as a senior manager. It was a lateral move because it was a new area and I wanted to get the experience. After 4 years in my previous role, I was very comfortable and there was no path to director in the next 2 years, in the group I was in, so I thought I would go and get new experience to strengthen my resume for when the director role eventually opened up. It was always meant to be a stepping stone role, where I planned to spend 1.5 - 2 years and then move on again.
This week, a similar director role opened up but in a different group. I am very interested in this director role because it is a promotion and in a new group, so it will allow me to continue to learn and grow.
There are a couple of issues with me pursuing this director role:

• I have only been in my role 3 months. How bad will it look?
• I will be going on maternity leave in 2 weeks for 3 months.
• I would directly be competing with my ‘best friend at work’ and if I’m successful, I would become his boss.
• These roles don’t open up often and people tend to stick with them for 3 - 4 years, so it does feel like it is a go for it now or wait at minimum 2 years.
• I like my new manager but I know she will not be happy when I even bring this up.

I need advice. How bad would it look to pursue the director level role?

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.

Let me start by saying that I know pet battles are not for everyone, and that this is kind of a niche complaint with everything else going on in Remix right now.
Given that pet battles were introduced in original MoP, I was really excited when Remix was announced. However, there's almost nothing for battle pets in Timerunning. I had hoped that there would be a pet vendor - even if there weren't any new battle pets, they could allow us to buy the pets that are rare drops off of raid bosses or mobs. But nope, no luck.
You can still pet battle mobs, but it doesn't award caches, and I haven't seen whether people have gotten any threads off of pet battles.
The quests for battle pet masters are no longer there. The masters are still there, and you can interact with them, but there's no way to battle them. I'd be thrilled with a daily quest for each that awards a cache. Same with the Pandaren spirits you used to be able to battle.
Timeless Isle made me really sad. I had been hoping to be able to do the Celestial Tournament again; wanting Zhao was what first got me into pet battles. Maybe there would be a new recolour of each of the celestial pets, or maybe they'd add in some new pets! I would've even done the tournament once just for nostalgia. But just like with the other pet battle quests, you can't do the tournament in Remix.
Again, I know this is a small, niche complaint. I'm happy to get the Astral Serpent recolour and the little yak friend. But I wish there had been more, especially since MoP was the origin of WoW pet battles.

Happy Sunday everyone. I (27F) need to get a situation off my chest and possibly advice on where to go from here.
Let’s start at the beginning, my best friend (28F) and I have been friends for nearly 14 years at this point, since we were freshman’s in HS. We’ve been inseparable pretty much since up until about a 1.5 years ago. My best friend has not had the easiest life, especially more recently. About 4 years ago, she was doing really well, had a decent job (we worked at the same place at that time) and was living with her fiancé. Everything went to shit when she found her fiancé had been cheating on her, so they split and she’s forced to move back home with her mom, which was an unfortunately toxic environment.
During this time, I myself was doing really well overall. I had a good paying stable job, a strong relationship with my BF whom I lived with (and still do). I was there to support her in anyway I could possibly. I didn’t have extra room to take her in or anything, we only had a 1 BR apartment. About 2 years after having to move home, she ends up getting fired from our job, just further piling up the string of bad things that have happened to her.
Fast forward to about 1.5 years ago… My BF and I are starting to look at buying a house and of course this is something I’m excited for. I recently had received a promotion at work that put me in a decent spot financially. I tell my friend this and she seemed genuinely excited for me. Out of excitement (and I think I was 🍃🍃 at the time), before talking to my boyfriend, say “When I get a house, you can come live with me!”, in which she was very happy about understandably given her current living situation. These are words I wish I never said, because I really think it has been detrimental to our friendship. Post 🍃🍃 clarity hits and I realize what I said, and realize how it wouldn’t work. She had gone through like 2-3 jobs at this point, in which she continued to get fired from for good cause. She, IMO, mishandles her money, which I get is her business, but if we were entering a co-living situation, it could quickly become my business. She seemed to keep her bills in check but I didn’t understand not saving up money to even try to get an apartment of your own.
For the hell of it, I bring the idea up to my BF, and while he wasn’t 100% against it, he definitely wasn’t thrilled. We discussed it at length, and ultimately decided that it would not be the right move for us. With her job record and the lack of saving up any of her money, I just didn’t understand how she would ever move on to her own place.
I tell my friend that while I love her and want the best for her, when I get a house I didn’t think it would be the best idea for us to be basically roommates. She seemed upset, which I understood and it broke my heart to tell her this as well, because I genuinely want better for her.
After this conversation, she noticeably started to distance herself from me. She would dodge making plans, take forever (days, sometimes weeks) to write me back. I took the hint, but can’t help to be hurt. She’s never brought up why she distanced herself, but I guess I don’t need her to.
One thing about her is that I am pretty much her only friend IRL. She has SO many online friends and I never really made friends online like that, so it’s not like she didn’t have anyone to vent to. I can only imagine what these people think of me, because I know she’s probably told them about this situation.
I finally bought my first home within the past year. An accomplishment I never thought I’d achieve. I lived in apartments my entire life, so to have something to call my own was an amazing feeling. I of course tell my friend about it and she seemed happy for me in a way, but definitely not excited. We close on the house and about a month after moving in, have a house warming party. Of course she was invited. She made up what I think was an excuse to not come over. I have made multiple attempts to invite her since and she’s declined each time. I’ve been in my home for nearly a year now and she has not come over. This genuinely hurt my feelings, but given the situation I guess I understand her reasoning.
Here we are today and I see she posts online that she’s planning on moving in the next couple months, to which I assume is with one of her online friends and out of state as I haven’t asked her about it. But AITAH to feel genuinely hurt that my best friend didn’t have the decency to tell me personally that she was moving, likely a distance away?
What would you do in this situation?

So some background: I've been working on and off for UTAS/Collins/PW since 2013 in college, with 2 years as a contractor.
About 2 years ago I got promoted to M3, however that was delayed due to COVID (as in, in reality it was promised sooner)
Since then, I've been really pushing my depth, and we've done some great things. New systems, good communication, etc...
However with the ~10 YOE, plus the experiance managing this team and being a manager at the contractor, I've been pushing for an M4 with my boss. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't mostly for a salary increase too. I'm about 20k under the middle of M3 payband.
As much as I love my team, I want to progress my career this fall.
With all this being said, what's the deal with so few M4 roles being on the internal jobs site? I live near 2 PW bases and a Collins base with near 0 M4 roles.
Are M4's just non existent anymore? Even in my day to day I'm either dealing with P4s or M5s/M6s.
(I'm in core engineering)

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months now. We spend a lot of time together. since we’ve started dating I don’t think we’ve spent more than a week apart. He told me today that his boss asked him to go on a work trip last minute and asked if I was okay with him going. I said yes and that I was planning on going home (to my mom’s house) for a few days anyways. He told me that the trip is out of state and two weeks long. I’ve never been apart from him for that long and it’s making me extremely anxious, especially since he is leaving last minute (tomorrow morning). I told him I want him to go if that’s what he wants. I don’t want to get emotional and make him feel guilty at all, so I’m just venting here to calm down before talking to him. I don’t have issues being away from him, it’s usually just the act of him asking to be away fro me that triggers me (which i know is ridiculously but to my stupid brain it feels like he’s rejecting me). i’ve gone on trips myself away from him and he always asks to call me and is great at texting i just can’t help the feeling of panic when he asks to be away from me, like he’s abandoning me or something. I wish i didn’t get so anxious about this stuff because i want him to be able to have time apart from me without feeling bad. i know it’s irrational because i’ve been apart from him going on trips of my own, which is why id rather rant here and calm down so he knows i support him don’t stuff even if it doesn’t involve me. Can anyone give me some reassurance or how they deal with feeling like space=rejection. I hate feeling this way.