How to make a household fleshlight

Get rated on your appearance

2009.12.14 10:33 Get rated on your appearance

A subreddit to have your appearance rated out of ten by redditors. Make a post today to receive tips and advice on how to look your best!
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2012.06.07 00:14 Billobatch Learn Useless Talents

This is a place to learn how to do cool things that have no use other than killing time and impressing strangers.
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2014.06.23 14:22 Polyfamilies: Many Hearts, One Roof

For committed poly families, and the people who make them work, all under one roof! Our goal is to provide a place for people in loving, long-term, committed multiple-partner relationships to get advice and answers from other folks who have chosen a similar path in life.
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2024.06.02 16:41 Calliigula How do I keep myself safe?

Long time lurker here (36yo). I have gone low contact and no contact with my family in the past. I've been the family scapegoat since I was born.
I grew up in an abusive household where my needs were not being met. I wouldn't be taken to the doctor if I was unwell and I was taught to fear such individuals. I have a neurodevelopmental condition which means I used to stammer, stutter, make odd noises and repeat the same things over and over. I would be physically hit or beat up for the slightest hint of emotion or display of these traits. My earliest memory was being 3yo and being screamed at to the point of meltdown by my mother that I was "A bad person and to pack my stuff up because I was going to be taken to jail." She would put her hand over my mouth if I laughed, cried or made any noise. I must have told my kindergarten teachers of the abuse because every day I went out I was told, "What is said in this house stays in this house." All my school reports, birthday certificates and documents are hidden from me. I'm not allowed access to these.
I would be served a singular burger with a few chips for my dinner and wear clothes which needed replaced but they "couldn't afford" which caused bullying in school. I wasn't allowed to bath or shower regularly because I would take too long and "their work is more important than your school" so I would bathe once a week. I have issues with passing stools and if my parents were needing the toilet they would batter on the door, force me to stop whatever I was doing and get out. If i didn't get out I'd be called derogatory names and the threat of physical violence was always there because they were unpredictable.
I would be called derogatory names by parents, fat by other family members and my other sibling was the golden child, they were allowed to bite me, throw things at me and as they got older they would engage in substance misuse which wouldn't get as severe consequences. The last time I was hit was when I was sixteen unprovoked for no reason. I was held down on my bed with my mother wrapping her thighs around me attacking and hitting me and when I started hyperventilating I got it even worse because I was faking it. When it became clear they realised I was old enough to press charges they started taking away my internet access. I was always accused of looking to start an argument. They didn't sign any of my funding to do further education because they didn't want me to go to college and be independent. I would self fund instead.
Eventually I went into a homeless place to escape the abuse. They tried to get me to come back home, they tried to throw money at me and when it didn't work they threatened to come and take my stuff out of the accomodation because they saw my belongings as their property.
Years on and I have my own place closed to them and because they cannot get away with the physical abuse anymore it's largely mental. My sibling depends on them for handouts of money and cigarettes even though they are working and own their own place. I am dependent on social security for my disability and this means I was able to return to education where I'm training to be a healthcare worker through disability support. I have been becoming more independent, taking small day trips and it's clear they are jealous and want to keep me unwell and become dependent on them by falsely claiming I'm not disabled to target my financial security. I don't ask or get money off them.
It came to a head when my sibling is claiming they are mentally unwell and using this to prove I am not disabled. The family have told me they are fed up of me, that my own mental health is the reason why they are all struggling and they are not taking any personal responsibility for their own life stresses.
After witnessing my family targeting an older man, covering up the evidence and openly stating they are going to put mental pressure on him and make his "end days a living hell". I blocked all contact, walked out of their house, told them I won't be spoken like this anymore and I reported them to the police. The police have assured me that I can make a report about the historical abuse I have had growing up and that they are there to support me through making that report.
I have been falling behind in assignments. I may lose my place at college which is what they want too. I am considering moving out of the country for my own safety as my sibling is now posting publicity on social media that they want to unalivw themselves because I have blocked the whole family and they know some rough types but it means losing my place to train to become a healthcare worker.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice and support. I am terrified. I have even ordered a DNA test because the abuse has been that extensive that I don't believe I am theor biological child. It doesn't help that my sibling says they have no baby pictures of me gaslighting me to think I'm adopted.
Should I relocate and try to get a place at another training institute when I am safe? Should I come forward and make a report to the police about the historical abuse? What if I'm not believed? How do I go about the possibility of fake welfare concerns if I do disappear? (They don't care enough to check on me but they would likely do this maliciously down the line) How do I deal with the public posts on social media? What should I do if my family ever approach me? I have made it clear I never want to speak to or see them again.
submitted by Calliigula to EstrangedAdultKids [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:48 EntertainmentKey5301 Inlaws killed cat

This is a rant, because my day was ruined because of these ignorant assholes and their stupid behaviour. Maybe, if you have read this story, a word that describes them, will come to your mind - please comment if it does. I need new ideas to rant lol
So my in laws are idiots. When I first got together with my bf, they were awful ... used to make fun of my job (elementary teacher) used to make fun of my body, my parent, my whole being and I was young and naiv. It when as far as them, telling me, that I am broader, than large (which is not true, I am a normal body weight) and them opinionising what to do with my dying grandma and always mixing into things, that did not have anything to do with them. They would talk down on me for visting my dying grandma whilst covid-19. they would shame me for visiting her and blame me for my great grandma dying after my grandmas death, because "me and my family weren't taking care of her, after grandmas death"
They would always remark on how lazy I am, even if I am not (full time job, full time studying). They would talk bad about me to my bf behind my back on how I don't stand up, when there is lunch served (which is not true, but I do not help, if they don't treat me right - like throwing a wet towel in my face).
Once I exploded and told them off for good, told them my whole honest opinion about them, because they were making fun of a child, that died in an acident, whilst being in a nursery school (in my town) and blaming the teachers (aka talking bad about my job). It hurt me, that this child died, and when they bad-mouthed this whole scenario I exploded. Then I was the boo-man in their eyes, and since then they don't talk to me.
Positive side note: my bf is supportive, screamed at them many times, stopped talking to them, told them to treat me and my parents right or he would move out. He did it often and it worked. However, now the ignore. Passive aggressive. Don't ask about me or anything. Our house - is bfs house. Our car - is bfs car.
I am done with this people and my bf supports my decision on me, not wanting to besties with them.
Also: they hit their grandchildren (bf sisters), talk down on them
Are just dumb and stupid and I would never give them my children. I am glad I have my parents. Problem is, my bf grew up in an abusive household and even if he stands up for me and sees the problem there, he doesn't see the problem in their behaviour towards him.... which is love showering and then wanting something and blaming if they don't get it. Blaming and shaming and abusing verbally.
For the last month their cat was sick. (Technically a stray cat, that comes eating and sleeping there and has so for years.) Never been in the house, only outside. And they would just put their hands app , if bf or I suggested a visit to the vet. They said: "not our responsibility". I gave him some vitamins and fed him more. But he was weak. Today he had a stroke, so they called a friend. He came, put him on the garbage place, shot him and left him there.
My bf buried the cat. Nobody else would have.
submitted by EntertainmentKey5301 to inlaws [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:43 moondog151 A 16-year-old girl would google her mother's new boyfriend and discovery that he was a notorious double murderer who killed his previous girlfriend and child, stuffing their bodies into barrels and burying them on his property. She soon went missing, her mother having chosen the murderer over her.

A 16-year-old girl would google her mother's new boyfriend and discovery that he was a notorious double murderer who killed his previous girlfriend and child, stuffing their bodies into barrels and burying them on his property. She soon went missing, her mother having chosen the murderer over her.
(This case was sent my way via this post asking for case suggestions from my international readers since I focus on International cases.
So I would like to thank xzwkimin for informing me about this case. And as this case is from a country that I skipped over during America's Series, that means I am delaying the Japan case and going backward to do this one
There is also a very lengthy 1 hour long video on this case by Jackie Flores which I used as a guide since it was helpful. But rest assured, I did my own research, used by own words, included additional information and didn't just copy her.
And as you my expect from that prior statement, this is a huge case so information is surely missed so like always your own research is encouraged in case I missed anything.)
Ámbar Cornejo Llanos was born on February 14, 2004, in Villa Alemana, Chile to her mother born in 1982 and father Ulises Cornejo. Ulises was mostly absent and seemed to have separated from Denisse before Ámbar was even born. Not long after their separation, Denisse began dating a new man named Juan Carlos Pérez Aguirre, a friend of Denisse's since before Ámbar was even born. This relationship would result in them having two children and thus Ámbar having two step-siblings although one tragically passed away at 4 months old due to malnourishment brought about due to improper care. After the death, Denisse would fall into a depression, heavily drink and neglect Ámbar and her surviving brother. It got to the point where their school requested the two be removed from Denisse's custody as they were visibly not being taken care of. The request was granted and the two were removed from her custody and held in an Institution for minors.
Ámbar Cornejo Llanos
Denisse Llanos Lazcano
In 2009, Denisse had her final break up with Juan, their relationship was a dysfunctional on-again-off-again relationship with constant break ups and reunions but eventually, their final break up would come. Also in 2009, Denisse had improved enough for a court to deem it safe for Ámbar and her brother to be returned to her care. After the break-up, Denisse and Ulises appeared to reconcile and Ulises grew close to Ámbar.
On September 27, 2012, Ámbar confided in two of her school teachers that one of her friends had been sexually assaulted, after they called her friend's mother, she broke down and admitted that she had lied and was in fact talking about herself. Ámbar was taken to the police to give a statement and she told them that whenever her mother took her and her brother to visit Juan back when they were dating, Juan would sexually assault her during these visits. Juan was arrested and on November 25, 2013, The Oral Criminal Court of Viña del Mar sentenced him to three years imprisonment, ordered him to pay and cover the entire cost of the trial, prohibited him from even having any contact with Ámbar or her family, and had to disclose his address to the police. The court also again, took custody away from Denisse and sent her to live with Ulises for a few months, The no-contact order went both ways as Denisse was ordered to have nothing to do with Juan either so long as she wanted to raise Ámbar. Eventually, Ámbar was returned to Denisse's custody after she obeyed this court order.
Ulises, viewing Denisse as an unfit mother, and since he saw her as manipulative wanted to keep Ámbar. When Denisse found out, she prohibited her daughter from ever visiting her father and tried to manipulate her into disliking him, saying that it was his fault and that he was trying to break up their family. Ulises would also send money to the family for Ámbar but Denisse would often, not tell her when the money arrived and simply pocket and spend it for herself.
Denisse's plan to turn Ámbar against her father backfired and the older Ámbar got, the more strained her relationship with her mother would become. They would constantly argue and one time, Ámbar had a friend over when she and Denisse had another argument and Denisse moved to strike her daughter. Ámbar and the friend ran to another room and locked the door but Denise was so angry over whatever the fight was about that she hit the door with enough force to break it open. The only reason that Ámbar never defended herself was simple, according to friends, Ámbar told her that since Denisse gave birth to her, she was obligated to respect her mother and could never raise a hand to her.
Soon Denise would date another man, the landlord of their apartment, Manuel García Queirolo. Tragically, Manuel wouldn't be any better than Juan. Whenever he heard that Ámbar was showering, he'd use his position as the landlord to go to a room on the second floor that gave him a clear view through the bathroom window so he could watch Ámbar. Ámbar would eventually find out and inform her mother to which she told her and her brother to just not shower unless she were home. But beyond that, she took no action, she didn't even stop seeing Manuel. She actually did the opposite and got mad at Ámbar for being the subject of Juan and Manuel's lust. The worst of Manuel's depravity wouldn't come out or be known by others, even Ámbar until years later, that will be discussed further in the write-up.
With all this tragedy and her dysfunctional and abusive home life, one may expect Ámbar to have been troubled. But on the contrary, all her friends said she was happy, outgoing, kind, would do anything for them and loved to engage and share her hobbies with them such as dancing. Ámbar was deeply liked by all her classmates and was very popular. She had managed to not be defined by all that was going on in her life.
In late 2019, Denisse had found her next boyfriend, a man named Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez with the two moving in together in relatively short order. Ámbar was not very keen on Hugo and how fast their relationship was progressing, she also felt uneasy about him as well and how he looked at her. Ámbar told one of her friends about her mother's new boyfriend and her friend felt his name sounded familiar to the two looked him up and did not at all like what they had found.
Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez
Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez was born on March 28, 1965, in Quilpué as the third out of four siblings. His father worked as an electrician, and his mother a housekeeper with domestic violence a frequent occurrence in the household. His mother was described as neglectful while his father was actively abusive and had him put to work at the age of 8 to sell fruits and vegetables at markets. To escape his father's abuse during his most violent outbursts, he would go stay at his grandparent's house. At the young age of 13, he would fall into a drug addiction, starting with marijuana before escalating to opium and cocaine.
At the age of 15, his father kicked him out of the home so he went to Mendoza, Argentina and lived with a classmate. There he claimed to have travelled all to Bolivia, Peru, Spain and Brazil. He returned to Chile at the age of 18 and began stealing goods to sell back as well as trafficking drugs. When he was 20 he would, with the help of an accomplice take part in a scam where he would get on a bus, gain the trust of the passenger sitting next to him, offer a drink laced with sleeping pills and then steal their belongings as they passed out in the street. He would also attempt this on beaches as well.
Several times, Hugo would attempt to start romantic relationships but none of them would last particularly long usually breaking up almost immediately due to a lack of commitment from Hugo. For legitimate income, Hugo got into bodybuilding and according to him, he owned a nightclub. On May 27, 1987, Hugo was arrested for the first time on a charge of theft but he doesn't appear to have suffered severe consequences for this. He later began another relationship but this one seems to have lasted a little longer with them even having a child and Hugo getting employed as a serial guard. But they broke up shortly after the birth and in 1989 Hugo was arrested for nine counts of robbery, four counts of theft and 5 counts of armed and violent robbery earning him a 10-year prison sentence.
Hugo had a rough stint in prison, with his drug habits routinely sending him to a hospital in Valparaíso and often had extra security and shackles because he once tried escaping during a transfer. In 1992, he suddenly had a mental health crisis and was admitted to a mental hospital for 25 days. In 1995 he was granted parole but was sent back to prison 8 months later after violating it. He was finally released after serving his sentence in 1999. After serving his sentence he again attempted to turn his life around, getting a job painting and repairing cars and saving enough money to open his own store. He also took an interest in yoga and spiritualism. At a yoga class, we would meet 49-year-old kindergarten teacher Verónica Vásquez Puebla (born in 1955) who had a son named Eugenio Honorato Vásquez.
Verónica Vásquez Puebla and Eugenio Honorato Vásquez
Unlike Hugo's prior relationships, this one actually appeared to be promising. Eventually, Hugo asked Verónica for money for "home improvement" and initially she wouldn't hesitate to give her money away. Tragically, Hugo would begin squandering the relationship and would become abusive and temperamental. So on January 8, 2005, he came to ask for money, money that he had never paid back any time prior, Verónica finally said no having now wanted nothing to do with him.
When met with this reply, Hugo was left enraged. In his fit of rage, he grabbed a baseball bat and struck Verónica with it before strangling her. All the commotion had woken up 9-year-old Eugenio after being witnessed, Hugo set his sights on the child and began strangling him as well. Now that both were unconscious, he shoved a cloth down Verónica's throat, tied her hands and feet together and slit her throat. Afterward, he finished them by wrapping their heads in plastic wrap and tying a plastic bag around their heads. He then got a metal drum and hit their bodies repeatibly with a cane and breaking their bones so he could better fit Verónica and Eugenio's corpses inside. Then to hide the smell of decomposition, filled the drum with water, line and plaster before sealing it. He then proceeded to ransack Verónica's house to look for the money he had asked for and left once he found it.
He left the barrel in Verónica's home for a few days and blew her money on his old habits, that being drugs, drinking and prostitutes. Eventually, despite his methods to mask the odour, the bodies inside the drum began to smell. To deal with this, he bought a house with a patio and transferred the barrel to that property. He then asked his father if he could help him dig a hole in his yard. The hole was two meters deep and one meter wide. He asked the movers, moving in his furniture to help move the drum to the back of his house. Hugo was almost caught right then and there because liquid began leaking from the barrel but Hugo said that he worked in the food (specifically French Fry) industry and that it was a chemical from making the product. After everyone left, he buried the drum in the hole he had his father dig. Verónica's brother noticed she was missing and called her only to be answered by Hugo and said that she had gone on a spiritual retreat. Eventually, he and her family went looking for her and found her identification documents in a ditch. Hugo was again called and simply said she was bored with Verónica and hung up.
On January 26, Hugo's new neighbours called the police to report the smell and when they arrived, despite how confident Hugo was that he'd get away with it, and despite all the work he put into hiding his crime, he confessed immediately. The police placed Hugo under arrest while they excavated his yard and recovered the drum and the bodies. Tragically, the news broke at the same time as Hugo's daughter began making plans to reconnect with him. This murder gained Hugo the moniker of "The Drum Psychopath"
The police outside Hugo's house.
The police in Hugo's yard
The drum.
Hugo spent his first few months in a mental hospital where he boasted to the doctors about his economic situation and martial arts talent. Hugo's trial took place in November 2005 held by The Guarantee Court of Villa Alemana, and he was handed down a sentence of 27 years imprisonment with his release date set for January 26, 2032. Hugo would now be one of Chile's most infamous criminals and was the subject of an episode of "Mea Culpa"
Hugo being brought to court
Hugo was even given interviews while in prison, in one of these interviews he was asked if he would ever kill again if released and he would tell the interviewer that he didn't know because "I am not the master of destiny". He also told the interviewer that he was triggered by a whistling sound in his ear and he said that it was like watching a movie while he was killing Verónica and Eugenio.
On April 29, 2016, Hugo was put before a parole board and even though Hugo publically said to an interviewer that he was uncertain about whether he'd kill again or not, and even though the prison itself told the judges in charge of the parole hearings not to release him, they outraged all of Chile by granting him parole regardless on the basis of him serving 10 years, learning an actual skill he would use at a job while in prison and good behaviour meaning, legally, they had no reason to deny parole and he was released amongst 788 others. Hugo was despised by all the locals he was now living with, no employer would hire him for any more than a day so he mostly worked odd jobs. Even those who reluctantly admitted that Hugo was nice, added that he still seemed odd and one of his neighbours said "When he looked at you, it felt like he was undressing you with his eyes"
Neighbours would even put up flyers all across the area warning residents about Hugo and to make it clear to Hugo that he wasn't welcome. Parents even refused to let their children go outside alone now that Hugo was back and living alongside them and women wanted to be driven to work and driven home from work instead of walking. Even the mayor of Villa Alemana had ordered an extra police presence in the neighbourhood he moved into.
As soon as she finished reading up on his lengthy and disturbing history, Ámbar was left horrified. Denisse had had 4 partners, one sexually assaulted Ámbar when she was 8, the other was a blatant pedophile who would stare and watch her shower and now her newest one was a man who killed his girlfriend and her 9-year-old child. The only one of Denisse's partners that she actually treated with disdain and contempt was Ámbar's father who cared for and had her best interests in mind. Ámbar explained this all to Denisse who got mad at her daughter and started another fight since she saw Ámbar as judging her newest boyfriend without getting a chance to meet and know him. She even told her that everyone deserves a second chance despite barely knowing Hugo herself at this point.
Seeing as her mother remained stubborn, Ámbar went behind her back and wrote a complaint letter to the apartment's manager requesting that Hugo be banned from the premises. This complaint found its way to the public and soon the other residents of the apartment learnt that Hugo was living with them and essentially, they all came together to demand that they all leave and take Hugo with them. Leave they did but Denisse took Ámbar's brother and moved into Hugo's own home. But Denisse, now on the verge of hating Ámbar for not accepting her relationship with Hugo, punished her by abandoning her underaged daughter and having her live alone in the apartment with a very minuscule amount of money.
After only a week, Ámbar would have to leave the apartment and would go back and forth between staying at various different friend's houses but none were able to let her move in full-time. And she couldn't move into her father's place because he lived in Northern Chile and that would involve abandoning her brother and mother with Hugo. In December 2019, Ámbar moved in to live with Manuel's daughter who was old enough to have her own children and for Ámbar to refer to her as an "aunt". She was described as a much better mother figure than Ámbar's own mother and she was completely ignorant to Manuel's crimes so Ámbar felt safe around her and didn't hold her father's actions against her. And by this point, Denisse disowned Ámbar in all but name. She ended up having to repeat a grade and the school and teachers took note of this and tried to call Denisse 6 separate times for a parent-teacher conference only for her to get aggressive toward the teachers for even calling her at all.
The only interactions she would have with Denisse would be when child support was sent and Ámbar still all these years later had to go to Denisse's house to collect the money in person before her mother spent it all herself. And often she wouldn't even go inside, she'd just knock on the door, Denisse would give her the money without saying a word and close the door. And even if she didn't behave that way, Ámbar steadfastly refused to ever step foot inside Hugo's home. The latest payment was sent on July 29, 2020, when Ámbar told her "aunt" that she was going to head over. After three hours had passed Ámbar had yet to return home from Denisse's and wouldn't answer her phone her respond to any messages. Her Aunt actually called Denisse who blatantly didn't care about her daughter's disappearance and actually hung up the phone. Afterwards, the police were finally called.
Both the police and the entire neighbourhood dismissed the possibility of a runaway and together with the police, the entire neighbourhood began a search effort for Ámbar. Ulises also heard of what had been going on in Ámbar's life as well as her disappearance and immediately travelled to Villa Alemana to join in on the search and of course call and confront Denisse who would never answer or respond. Even when the police themselves showed up, Denisse refused to cooperate or help and ignored even those tasked with finding her daughter. Some witnesses even said that she just stood on her porch and drank a beer with Hugo while others tried finding her daughter
The police would put several flyers all across the local area appealing for information, questioned every neighbour they could find, and together with the Red Cross, firefighters and local volunteers searched the nearby grasslands, bushes, forests, mountains and so on utilizing sniffer dogs, drones and even thermal imaging cameras with the searches continuing into the night. A witness would also come forward and say that in the morning he drove by Ámbar and saw her crying as she walked away. One of Denisse's neighbours also said that in an unusual course of events, Ámbar actually entered Denisse and Hugo's home instead of waiting outside and that she didn't leave. This statement was supported by a CCTV camera showing her walking toward their house but never walking away.
Ámbar's missing notice
This time, simply ignoring them wouldn't work. On July 31, A large group of neighbours went to Hugo's house and waited for him to come outside so they could all gang up on and confront him and some wouldn't even let him go back inside. Hugo acted strangely amicable this time and even invited them to come inside and said the police could even bring in search dogs. Hugo even confidently stated, "If I had a body in here it would smell, Don't you think a body that's been here for 2 days would smell". This statement had the opposite effect of what Hugo had intended since as of now, most people thought Ámbar may still be alive.
Since he gave consent, everyone agreed and entered his home on August 3, including police with search dogs and although no human remains were found, they did find clothing with traces of human blood which were seized to be analyzed by forensics. The blood would end up being a red herring as it was old and belonged to Denisse. Even though Hugo seemed to have been in the clear for now, having just invited police onto his property and them finding nothing, he decided to, on August 3, with Denisse, leave Ámbar's brother in the care of one of his sisters and then the two would just flee and leave the area without notice. By now the search expanded to find them, as suspects to be arrested.
On August 6, photos were uploaded on social media showing Hugo and Denisse at a camp ground in Lilu Lilu trying to find someplace to hide, police also pulled CCTV footage from a store near the camping ground and saw the two buying clothes, hats and sunglasses in an attempt to hide their appearance. The police searched the nearby woods and found the two relatively easily and began interrogating them separately.
Hugo and Denisse at the campground
Denisse who clearly had no concern for her daughter's safety and disowned her over not accepting Hugo, turned on him very easily. She confessed that Hugo had murdered Ámbar and that she knew he did but was too afraid to come forward as Hugo had threatened her, her son and her parents and that he forced her to run away with him. According to her, Hugo had dug and torn up his living room floor to make a 6-foot ditch, bury her in it and refill the living room. The police believed Denisse and figured she'd be a valuable witness so they released her. Hugo exercised his right to remain silent and told the police nothing.
It was fortunate for the police that Hugo didn't need to speak. They checked his cell phone and found that from July 20-July 28 he had searched the following terms "Price of electric weapons, Ranged stun gun, Using chloroform to sleep, Sale of straightjacket psychiatry, Chinese bamboo torture, Chinese water drop torture, Ether sleeping spray, Using ether to put people to sleep, Medical use of scopolamine, Where to buy hydroxybutyric, Total and absolute power, How to change your first and last name, Psychological torture, Torture methods, Meat grinder price, Blows to faint, sleep or immobilize," and so much more which clearly showed that not only did Hugo premeditate Ámbar's murder, but that the murder was likely horrific. Inside his backpack were two knives, a hatchet, rope and a receipt for paint and paraffin wax.
The police easily obtained a warrant to search Hugo's home that same day. They broke up the floorboards in his living room and dug up the soil underneath. There they found three plastic coolers upside down and wrapped into plastic bags. The police removed the bags and opened up the coolers, there they found the decomposed, eviscerated and partially skeletal remains of a young girl, dismembered into 15 separate pieces. The remains were easily identified as Ámbar's based on her clothing. The autopsy revealed that Ámbar had been attacked and suffered numerous blunt force injuries across her body but especially to her hands, arms, forearms, buttocks and thighs. a cloth was stuffed down her mouth as seen with her head, and there were signs on the remains that she had been violently raped. According to the medical examiner, a saw and knife were used for the dismemberment
https://preview.redd.it/yobqrydqv54d1.png?width=710&format=png&auto=webp&s=8713a8ee0d0efdb04689406f2d9897214a07e97b
https://preview.redd.it/wfpw4m47u54d1.png?width=760&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddafe2a0402d76e0c2cc8d3cd6c729feb9f73dbd
https://preview.redd.it/ygeyfrwbu54d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=8019b513bad529d81215e0a2452b41ecb4cf9e54
Police and forensics
Meanwhile, the police faced backlash for releasing Denisse and not investigating her further, many did not believe her to be as innocent and a victim of Hugo as she portrayed, her prior history and actions during the search made that hard to believe. And even after her daughter's dismembered body was found under her living room, Denisse wasn't sad, mourning or even. After several threats including her apartment being vandalized as she was led home under her police guard and threats over the phone, Denisse was sent to a psychiatric institute after attempting to take her own life. The backlash continued after it was revealed that the institute was being kept anonymous as a "witness protection" situation.
And speaking of outage, outrage toward the Chilean government and judiciary was immense as Hugo's release led to Ámbar's death. The families of Verónica and Eugenio were also furious that their killer got to go free to kill again instead of serving his sentence. The outrage was in fact so intense, that the judge who approved Hugo's release was even suspended and investigated for misconduct. Eventually, though, she was reinstated with no consequences because although the law was flawed, she was doing her job as a judge by following it. Instead, Chile changed their laws to make the parole process much more thorough and over all harder to have parole answered as opposed to the rubber stamp process it was before.
On September 24, Denisse was removed from Witness Protection and instead placed under arrest with now the police labelling her a murderer instead of a witness. The police ended up going through Hugo's entire phone history, Denisse's, and CCTV footage around the area before and immediately after the murder which showed that Denisse was an active participant. Denisse's motive was simple yet heartbreaking and horrifying. She had on some level wanted to do this ever since their neighbours forced them to leave their apartment because of Hugo, she and Hugo both said that Ámbar wasn't letting them live together as a romantic couple in peace and she saw Ámbar as coming in between him and Hugo and that as long as her daughter was alive, she would never be with the man she wanted.
Denisse's arrest
While in prison, she was the most hated inmate by her fellow inmates and her own cellmate said that she would "make life impossible" and went out of her way to stay up late just to make sure that she could keep Denisse awake and not let her sleep. This led to Denisse being moved to solitary confinement after a "lynching" attempt. A move that infuriated the public and her fellow inmates. It also upset Hugo who was said to have been begging the courts to let him visit Denisse.
Denisse and Hugo were both tried together with the trial beginning on October 26, 2021, at The Oral Criminal Court of Viña del Mar. During the trial which was held over video link due to COVID-19. Denisse somehow found a way to play Ámbar's favorite music which the court and her relatives saw as a provocation. with the prosecution calling over 54 witnesses, 113 relevant documents, 30 expert reports, and the prosecution presented strong DNA evidence, Psychiatric reports showing them to both be sane, and biochemical reports. According to the prosecution, this is what happened.
Hugo and Denisse during the trial
On July 29, 2020, Ámbar was called by Denisse to pick up the money sent by Ulises. Before Ámbar arrived her now 14-year-old brother was sent to school to pick something up so that he couldn't be a witness to the crime. When Ámbar arrived, Denisse refused to go outside, meet her and hand her the money like always, instead, she insisted and demanded that she enter the home if she wanted it. Somehow, she did convince her and Ámbar went inside where she was immediately attacked by her mother and Hugo with Hugo proceeding to rape Ámbar.
Soon a problem in their plan emerged when Ámbar's brother returned home much quicker than Denisse had expected him to. When Denisse saw her through the windows she hurriedly ran outside and told him that they needed to go to their old apartment because they had gotten a call that someone was breaking in. He couldn't see anything that was going on and really needed to use the bathroom, but his mother insisted that they had to leave now and when he moved past Denisse to use the bathroom, Hugo from the inside kept pushing the door shut so he couldn't enter, something he found odd. He was only allowed in after Hugo dragged his sister's body to another room and closed the door. When he was finally let in to use the bathroom, he heard a loud thumping noise coming from the other room. He left the bathroom and didn't even ask about the noises but Hugo felt the need to frantically explain them away and say it was his mother coming over for a visit and folding clothes. Ámbar's brother was one of the prosecution's star witnesses.
Hugo, now left alone, began dismembering Ámbar into the aforementioned 15 pieces and placed them into the coolers while CCTV cameras showed Denisse and her son at a metro station on the way to their apartment. Denisse showed no reaction to helping her boyfriend rape and murder her daughter. While at the metro station, she sent the following text messages to Hugo. "I'm more calm now, I love you, kisses", "I hope everything goes well for you", "See you tomorrow" and "Good night love" That second message was her wishing Hugo luck in disposing of her daughter's body. They also exchanged 14 phone calls. When they arrived at the apartment, Denisse had her son stay there while she rushed to a store to purchase paint and paraffin wax. Denisse was caught on CCTV doing this and the cashier was called to testify. To keep him away from their home, Denisse had her son stay at the apartment alone for the night as she returned.
Hugo and Denisse then went to the living room to remove the wooden floorboards in the living room, dig a six-foot hole through the soil underneath the floor, dumped the coolers into the hole, filled the hole back in, and placed new replacement floorboards where the old ones were and nailed them back to the floor sealing up the makeshift grave. The paraffin wax was used to try and keep any search dogs from detecting the stench of decomposition. Neighbours heard the sound of equipment such as drills and hammers being used but that the sounds were spaced out as if Hugo and Denisse were trying to be quiet with them. Denisse then wrapped Ámbar's cell phone in aluminum foil, burnt it and discarded it in a crawl space. Denisse's fingerprints were pulled from this foil. Denisse's shoes were also examined and traces of wax were found on the soles. Hugo seemed supremely confident that he would never be caught but as soon as he was confronted by his neighbours he was suddenly terrified and frantically told Denisse that they needed to run away.
On November 26, 2021, the two were found guilty and on December 7. both were sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole until at least 40 years into the sentence meaning the two won't even have the possibility of release until Hugo is at least in his 90s. It wasn't just murder the two were convicted of, they also were sentenced for rape and abuse, tragically not just that of Ámbar. Ámbar's brother wasn't just a major in the murder case, Hugo and Denisse had been sexually abusing him as well this whole time and the two were sent to prison for those crimes. For the sake of his protection, specific details involving his case have thankfully not been made public. They were both acquitted on the charge of illegally burying a body and Denisse was acquitted on the charge of raping Ámbar. They both appealed the verdict and sentence but on June 2, 2022, the Chilean Supreme Court upheld the decision.
Now I mentioned that Manuel García Queirolo would be brought up again as his actions were even more heinous, Well, during her disappearance and murder, the Cyber Crime Unit was investigating Manuel for completely unrelated reasons, he was suspected of producing and possessing child pornography on his cell phone and other sex crimes from 2016-2020. On August 17, 2020, he was placed under arrest while investigators went through his phone. As they expected, he did possess mutable inappropriate images of minors.
Manuel's arrest
Horrifyingly enough, 400 of which were all of Ámbar back when she lived in his property. Aside from photographing her while she was showering, he also had pictures of upskirts and pictures taken up her dresses and the phone camera zoomed in to focus on her privates. Ámbar never found out about these images. On December 15, 2021, Manuel was convicted by The Oral Criminal Trial Court of Viña del Mar and sentenced to 14 years imprisonment on December 27.
Ámbar's other relatives, friends and various women's rights organizations were satisfied with the verdict and even celebrated in the streets. The families of Verónica and Eugenio were also pleased to know that he was back in prison. For Hugo and Denisse, they are likely to never see each other face to face ever again. Ironically, that is despite being in the same prison. On April 27, 2022, Denisse was transferred to the same prison as Hugo after an apparent "lynching" attempt which led to lacerations on the scalp, bruises on both sides of the neck, an orbital hematoma, a laceration in the right eye, a wound on the lower lip, a hematoma in the lumbar dorsal area and on the left elbow. Although she has been attacked several times before this was the most brutal one.
Ámbar's brother is now 17-18 and is living with other family on Ulises's side. He is said to be doing well, has made several new friends and has moved on and put this incident behind him with his life looking up for him.
Sources (In the Comments)
submitted by moondog151 to TrueCrimeDiscussion [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:42 Amatorious New puppy attacking 3yo one

Hi! I'm at a total loss. No amount of googling has been helping me with this. I got a new puppy about a month ago. He's around 5 months now. He's super sweet, cuddly, completely non-aggressive to either me or my partner. Him and my 3 yo girl are both heelers (maybe mixes?)
Most of the time, he plays perfectly fine with the 3yo (including with toys). They like to roughhouse a lot but there's no sign of aggression. Until it comes to me, I think. He'll pick fights over who gets to stand near me, cuddle with me, etc. and food of course. I understand this is a sign of resource guarding but there isn't a lot of good info about how to actually handle this. Or it's all conflicting. And I'm scared of making it worse by inadvertently doing some stupid dominance theory stuff that doesn't help. And I can't just shell out for a behavioralist.
I know that once he's neutered some of that may go away but as of right now I can barely do anything without worrying about him flat out attacking her, and even doing so on top of me. I've gotten caught in the cross fire 3 times in the last two days that actually drew blood.
Having him nap more often tends to make it worse. And as much as I try he doesn't want to actually play with me. It's complete disinterest. Teaching him to actually walk with me has been a struggle even. He's food motivated but just about nothing stops him from deciding he just doesn't feel like it and would rather lay down. So getting excess energy out is a struggle too.
I don't want to have to keep him in his kennel every time I want to sit down. I've owned dogs my entire life, including new puppies with older dogs. And male puppies. And have never had this problem before. Does anyone have any advice before I just throw in the towel and decide he needs to be in a single dog household?
submitted by Amatorious to puppy101 [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:22 FearlessEffort7577 Discover the Benefits and Convenience of Buying Mustard Oil Online

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submitted by FearlessEffort7577 to u/FearlessEffort7577 [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:12 Zealousideal-Most883 How long does it take for two cats to "forget" a fight?

My partner and I moved in together in mid-April and have been trying to introduce our two cats, but it's not going very well. My 10M cat is used to living in multi-cat households and pretty peaceful, but his 6F cat has been very anxious and aggressive, and my cat has started to retaliate. They are both on gabapentin as of Friday (two days ago).
The doors in our new home have gaps underneath them, and we had to block them all off after an incident where female cat swiped under the door of my bedroom and my cat attacked her paw. All of their "spats" have happened when female cat has been antagonizing my cat through a door, and then my cat retaliates. We suspect this happens even more when we're sleeping or not present. We just found out that one of the doors we thought was "safe" also has a very very small gap in it, which means the cats have been able to smell and sometimes see each other while separated. We finally have something blocking all of the door gaps now.
Since starting gabapentin, they've both been very calm and uninterested in each other during mealtimes (with the door-blockers still on). Last night, we tried removing the door-blocker to see if they could stay focused on their food, but after a few minutes my cat went to sniff the door, female cat hissed and swiped at his nose, and my cat lunged with both arms under the door to try and attack her back. So, we are back to square one, again.
It has been 6 weeks but apparently we haven't really been keeping them "separated" that whole time, since they've been antagonizing each other and building up negative associations through the door. Since we finally have all the door-blockers up now, and both cats are on gaba, I feel like we need to "start over" basically and go back to having them totally separated again, and wait until they "forget" each other a little bit before we started doing shared mealtimes again.
Since they just scrapped last night, and have a lot of negative associations built up with each other, does it make sense to continue doing shared mealtimes (with the door-blockers up) and daily site swaps? Do they need a few days to "forget" the other cat's smell and be in their own safe space/territory? And how long should we expect to wait for tensions to simmer down?
I know every cat is different, and I know 6 weeks isn't very long in the grand scheme of cat introductions, but I've never had to do anything like this for any of the previous multi-cat households I lived in, and I'm realizing just how spoiled I've been by having such an easygoing cat. I'm feeling a lot of stress over the chaos I've introduced into his life; he's started stress-eating litter, which I've never seen him do before, and both cats seem unhappy being separated from us for large chunks of the day. It's just unsustainable to keep up this daily site swaps/mealtimes/having a divided home, especially since we both start work again soon. Please tell me there's a light at the end of this tunnel.... and that there's hope that doesn't involve rehoming one of our babies, because I genuinely don't know if we could stomach it.
Thank you!
submitted by Zealousideal-Most883 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:04 mysticrug Discover Non-Slip Washable Area Rugs - Stylish, Durable, and Easy to Clean

Introduction
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submitted by mysticrug to u/mysticrug [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 14:58 Similar-Profile6713 AITAH for not wanting to build a relationship with my future mother-in-law

I (female 28) and fiance (male 30) have been dating for three years engaged for one year. We are both from the Caribbean. My fiance has a very small family. It is just him his mum and his little brother. I have a great relationship with his brother however, building a relationship with his mother has been very difficult. My fiance’s mom is a very judgemental person but that is just her as a character from the first day I met her the first words that came out of her mouth was “oh my God you are really pretty is that outfit from Primark but you look really nice”.
She has often made passive aggressive comments about the way I dress the way I look and my weight. when I came back from holiday with my family. The first comment she made when she saw me after three weeks away in sunny Jamaica and Miami, was “oh my God, you’ve put on so much weight you look much bigger”. This isn’t the first time she would make comments like that about my weight or how I dress. I would also like to point out that my fiance‘s mum has a very high-quality taste when it comes to fashion she would often buy and wear a lot of designer clothes such as Louis Vuitton,Gucci, Chanel and many more brands.
I have bought this up to my fiance saying how I feel disrespected by the comments his mum has made about me how I dress and my appearance he does bring it to his mum and defends me but she just says I didn’t mean it like that. I love her. I love how she dresses and it would just get dropped very quickly. I have also brought up to my fiancé that there are times when I come to the house and I say hello to her and she ignores me and there’s times that I’ve gone to give her a hug and she backs away or doesn’t return the hug. therefore I decided she must be somebody that doesn’t like hugs so I just say hello to her even if she doesn’t say hello back. However, my fiance Mum said to my fiance that she finds me rude because I don’t give her a hug when I see her and I explained to my fiance that I always do.
But fast forward to present I am now planning for the wedding. My fiance Mum has had a lot of opinions on my wedding. I want to just add that my mum and dad are not very fond of my fiance’s mum as she has also made passive aggressive comments around them.
For example I threw a surprise party for my fiance for his 30th birthday his mother didn’t want to be involved in the party planning as she said she wasn’t sure if her son would want a surprise party because he’s not that type to like parties. I know my fiance and he would love something like that and he did love it as he stated that was the best birthday celebration he has ever had. His mother wasn’t very happy with that comment. But whilst she was at the surprise party that was at my house this was the first time my parents were meeting my fiance Mum and brother. my mum was about to serve the food at the party and coming from a Caribbean household we always have lots of food when having parties and we usually give people paper plates to eat their food from , as we were catering for about 30 people at the party. The first thing my fiance Mum said to me was “ I need a proper plate and a proper knife and fork. I am not degrading myself by eating on a paper plate” Other people were around and they just gave a weird look. But I just brushed off the comment and said to my fiance Mum I’ll be happy to get you a plate and a knife and fork. She then followed me into the kitchen. I then said to my mum, can she grab a plate for me? My mum being the sweet person she is went to get my fiance‘s mum one of our nicer plates from our China set. My fiance Mum then turned to me and said “ what your mum doesn’t have any clean plates in the kitchen?” my fiance‘s mum would often make rude comments like this to me however she didn’t realise my auntie was also in the kitchen at the time and my auntie turned to her and said “she’s getting the plate for you now why don’t you just wait” My fiance‘s mum looked shocked as she wasn’t expecting my aunt to be in the kitchen. My fiance‘s mum, quickly tried to mask it by saying “oh I was just joking thank you so much for getting me the plate.”
From this encounter that my family have had with my fiance’s mum and the overall rude comments that she makes about me my family are not very fond of her and how she talks and addresses people overall it can come across belittling and rude. My fiance Mum always backs herself up by saying it’s a Caribbean thing we just talk like that. However, I am from the Caribbean and so is my family and we do not speak to people like that we talk to everybody with respect especially when we are in other peoples homes.
A couple months after that My mum and dad then decided to throw me and my fiance an engagement party at our house. My mum and dad warned majority of my family of my fiance’s mums behaviour as coming from a Jamaican background a lot of my family take disrespectful comments very personally . They already find my fiance Mum to be rude and my parents had to speak to a lot of them before the party just to ask them to not react when my fiance‘s mum says something disrespectful as they wanted the engagement party to be something positive for my fiancé and I. However that didn’t stop my fiance’s mum for being disrespectful to nearly all of my family members and friends but other than that we had a great time at the party. Fast forward to the day after the engagement party my fiance and I were opening cards from our family and friends. A large proportion of the party was my family as I said before my fiance has a small size family. as we were opening the cards there was large sum of cash in a lot of the cards in total we had a little bit over £600 from all the cards.
The plan was to open a bank account and store the money in there to go towards any other wedding funds. as we were opening the cards my fiance’s mum called my fiance and said to him make sure you bring back the cards and the money .
I found this comment to be weird and I asked my fiance why did your mum ask for the money? He said I’m not sure. Maybe two days after the engagement party, my fiance had called me and said the engagement money has gone. I then said to my fiance wtf where is are money? Did you miss place it? He said no my mum went into my room and took our money as she said she needed it urgently. I was absolutely livid. I couldn’t believe that she went through my fiance’s room looking for the money and stole it.
I was so mad at my fiance for not saying anything to his mother I had to then call her and tell her put the money right back. She tried to argue with me telling me she needed the money urgently and it was a family emergency. She needed to send money to someone in the Caribbean. This caused a huge problem between me and my fiance and I told him he needs to stand up for us or else I will do it then spoke to his mum about the money and she gave it back. When I sat down with her and spoke to her about how upset I was over the fact that she took the money, she said to me you are clearly not someone who is not family orientated I don’t care what money I have or where it’s comes from if my family needed it I will give them the money if I go to my sons room and I see £20 sitting on his desk if I want it, I will just take it and now I know if I was laying dead on the street I wouldn’t call you for a pound cos I know what you are like with money.
I cannot believe that this woman turned it on me making it seem like I was crazy for being upset with her for stealing our engagement money. I had enough of this and I said to my fiance if he doesn’t start sticking up for me and our relationship I don’t see a future.
My fiance was very apologetic and said that he will start sticking up for us as he knows this is wrong but He said his mom has been taking money off of him and his little brother from when they were children any birthdays money, big events or any money he would get from family his mum would just take it so he was so used to his mum taking money from him that he didn’t see a problem with it. I have made sure that moving forward with this wedding that all financial costs are done by me and my side of the family.
my mum has stated that she does not want my fiance ‘s mum involved in any of the wedding planning as she’s very judgemental and rude and does not trust her with money as she’s afraid that if we ask her to book something that she would take the money and use it for herself.
My fiance‘s mum has been very vocal about the wedding she has said I want this wedding at my Catholic Church or I won’t be happy . I am born again Christian I have a church that I have been going to since I was born. My pastor has known me from birth and has been an active person in my life and has always been there for important mild stone in my life. I have always told my fiance that I want my Pastor to do the ceremony. My fiance agreed and said he wants the wedding wherever I want the wedding as he couldn’t care less whether it was in a catholic Church or a normal church.
My fiance and I picked this beautiful Riverside garden club venue for the wedding that we decided we were gonna have the ceremony there as well as the reception. My fiance’s mum was not happy about this and said that if it’s not at her Catholic Church, she is not gonna come and I should convert to Catholic religion.
I said I would absolutely not be converting and this is the decision that we have made as a couple and if she doesn’t want to come that’s on here. My fiance spoke to his mum and said to her she needs to start respecting our decision and she then apologised and said I just want this for you as it’s important to get married in a church, especially as a catholic but I respect your wishes. Which I know was bullshit. She only said this because my fiance was visibly upset with her and was cold to her for a little while. Because she is so negative about the wedding I do not involve her whatsoever in anything to do with the planning.
I just recently had a long conversation with my fiance and I expressed my feelings about his mother and I decided for my own mental health and from speaking to family, friends and speaking to a pastor about this as it’s gotten so serious it has made me feel so depressed at times as I really love my fiance and if it wasn’t for his mum, our relationship would be so perfect as we literally have no issues. Anything we argue about is always to do with his mother. So I expressed to my fiance that I do not want to have a relationship with his mother until I see some change in the way she treats me. As she is so judgemental and doesn’t respect boundaries. I do not feel safe to have a relationship with her.
She has asked my fiance if I would like to go out to dinner and overall meet up with her more often just her and I. I told my fiance I would absolutely not be meeting up with this mother on my own any encounters I have with this woman I want my fiance to be there as I do not trust her. My fiance Said he is fine about me not having a relationship with his mother however I can tell from his facial expressions that he really wants me to try and have a relationship with her.
So am I the arsehole for not wanting a relationship with my fiance Mum?
submitted by Similar-Profile6713 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 14:45 no1youknow6 I like my wife's parents fine. I shouldn't have to be their best friend.

My wife is annoyed that I seem to dislike going to her parents house. She gives me the option to go with her and our 2 year old to their house 10 minutes away. I say I'd rather stay home to clean the kitchen, run on the treadmill, and do some freelance web design without her and my son making a racket. If I say no to her parents house too many times in a row she says they might think I don't like them.
I think they are fine. I think they are incredibly boring and they have no interest in my work or hobbies. Her mom offers dinner which is frozen Costco lasagna that I eat and praise and give thanks. I find it really gross and it highlights how little regard she hadls for culinary arts. I do 100% of the cooking, shopping, and cleaning at our house. I actually like taking time to make delicious food. Her parents cannot fathom why anyone would spend even 30 minutes preparing dinner when you could just eat frozen premade dinners. It's like they can taste the cost savings. All I taste is goop.
I am very reserved and polite. I was raised in a strict household with meals around the table. I was sent to a private school where the teachers sat at the lunch tables with us and we were taught etiquette. I am not a rude person. I act interested and ask follow up questions to their boring stories. I thank them graciously and I clear the table and load the dishwasher.
I don't think I should have to spend more than one night every two weeks with them. I am their son in law, not their son. They have two sons already. I take care of my wife and son and our pets and our home. I do not want to visit with them every other day.
My family lives quite far and we see them for a few days in November plus two weeks in the summer. I think my parent are easier to be around because they ask questions and express interest in peoples lives. My parents go to great lengths to make my wife feel welcome. They offer food and drink the second you enter their home where I have to ask her parents for permission to get a drink. Her father will go open chips and eat them in front of you without offering any. Her mom is addicted to Facebook and despite our requests she keeps posting pictures of our son on her feed.
They both interrupt your train of thought all the time. If you interrupt me more than once, I assume it means you're not interested in what I'm saying. They both do this lame sarcastic pseudo joke that I never realize is a joke until they are teasing me for reacting. My wife says it's my fault for not taking a joke. I think teasing people is mean. Whenever I try to dish it out the way I receive it she says I'm rude.
All in all, I know my in-laws are far from the worst, which I am thankful for. I will never be able to see her parents as anything other than authority figures. I need to be respectful and honor their wishes the way I honor my parents. I will never be their friend or buddy. I will never be at ease with them and I will never voluntarily spend time with them. I think my wife is wrong for expecting this of me.
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2024.06.02 14:14 Angel466 [Bob the hobo] A Celestial Wars Spin-Off Part 1017

PART ONE THOUSAND AND SEVENTEEN
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
Dad and I arrived back in the hallway outside the living apartment, and without missing a beat, I separated myself from Dad and went inside. Dad was half a step behind me, but I reached the living room first since he had shoes to kick off, and I didn’t.
I’d forgotten Levi and young Maddy were staying over, and when I saw them on the sofa watching cartoons, I grinned at them both. “Hey, sweetie. Where’s my hug?” I asked, going down on one knee with my arms open wide.
“Awww, I don’t know, honeybun,” Levi cajoled, even as his daughter leapt to her feet and ran to give me a proper hug. “The boot makes it difficult to get up.”
“Don’t quit your day job,” I jeered over Maddy’s shoulder, then lifted her up and carried her back to her father.
“All day and night job,” Levi corrected because he could be that annoying.
And then Dad walked in, sucking all social niceties out of the room. I could understand Levi and Maddy’s apprehension. Dad was marginally taller than Boyd, almost as wide, and intimidation came second nature to him. I had to do something to break the ice. “Levi, did you meet my dad yesterday at the party?”
At that, Levi seemed to snap out of it and struggled to his feet. “Sir,” he said, hobbling forward with his hand outstretched. “I wanted to thank you for letting us stay over last night…”
Dad accepted the handshake, for which I was grateful. He was just as likely to look at it like Levi had leprosy. “It wasn’t my decision. That end of the apartment is Robbie’s domain.”
“That may be true, but you’re still the overall owner, and I prefer to have your approval when it comes to letting my daughter stay the night at times when her uncle and I are pulled into work together. It shouldn’t happen often. She’s three-and-a-half, and it’s only happened once in her lifetime…”
“What did you do then?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“Shar—Charlie took her for the night. Luckily, it was a two-in-the-morning call-out, and she was home. I don’t think she was much good to her boss the following day, though.”
“Sam’s mother is pregnant,” Dad declared, and inwardly, I winced, having a fair idea of what was coming next.
“I heard that. Congratulations, Mister Arnav.”
“Thank you. My point is…”
“Finish that sentence in any other way than ‘it’s not a problem’, and you’re going to be finding out how comfortable the couch is for a week, boo,” Mom said from the hallway leading to our side of the apartment.
She could move like a ghost when she wanted to, and none of us had heard her come in.
Dad turned to her. “Ivy…”
Mom walked through the living room, pushing Dad back to stand before Levi. “Maddy is welcome here anytime you need a babysitter, Levi.” She made the statement sound so final; I was surprised when she turned back to Dad and said, “Isn’t that right, Llyr?” Her eyebrow arched sharply, daring him to contradict her.
That was not what Dad wanted, and a blind man with a broken cane could’ve seen that. I had to wonder how his precious family mantra would handle this without losing face.
I wasn’t kept waiting long.
“Levi, I have no problem with your daughter visiting her aunt and uncle as often or for as long as you need. However, Ivy’s health is precious to me, and should anything happen to her or the three babies she’s carrying as a result of Maddy not doing as she’s told, what happens next will be on you. You know your child better than I do. If she is asked to stay out of a space, is she likely to do it, or be curious enough to think that the mandate is merely a suggestion to be ignored?”
I saw Levi take stock of the words and hear the enormity of the threat interlaced with them. “I respect your forthrightness,” he began. “And Maddy’s a good girl. She'll stay away if she’s told to stay away from something. But accidents happen all the time, Mister Arnav, and I don’t appreciate the rest of what you’re insinuating.”
“Sometimes, children think things are funny without understanding the dangers involved,” Mom said, bulldozing her way into the conversation as only she could. “Some are more prone to being more hands-on than others. Llyr doesn’t know Maddy, and for his sake, I’m going to assume he was more concerned with Maddy possibly being the type of child who thinks playing bumper cars with ‘the fat lady’ is funny.”
Levi’s expression was a blend of disbelief and denial. “Oh, she’d never do that. If anything, she’d curl up beside you and read stories to your stomach. She knows what a pregnancy is.”
Since the Titans had already squared off, I went down the other side of the coffee table and slid into the seat beside Maddy. “Did you have a good sleep?” I asked, trying to distract her from the most civilised argument in history.
“I nearly peed on Daddy,” she said.
I was glad I hadn’t been drinking, for the snort alone almost choked me.
Which, of course, had all three adults turning towards me. I raised my hand and shook my head, hoping they’d understand I hadn’t laughed at them. “I’m glad you didn’t,” I said once they started talking amongst themselves again. “I don’t think Daddy would’ve had anything else to get changed into.”
“Unca Lucas’s gettin’ stuff f’r us.”
That answered a question I didn’t know to ask. “How come you nearly peed on Daddy anyway?”
“I’s stuck. Door stuck.”
I strongly doubted if any of the doors in the apartment would ever be stuck. Locked, sure, but…. Oh! “Daddy stopped you from getting out last night, didn’t he?”
Maddy made an agreeable humming noise.
The apartment’s front door opened, and from where I was sitting, I saw Lucas struggle through the opening with his arms full of bags. “Hey, I’m home,” he called out, just like he always did.
“UNCA LUCAS!” Maddy squealed and scrambled over me to run down the length of the coffee table, avoiding her father and my parents because she was a smart little kid.
Lucas had just enough time to dump the bags and pretend to oomph as she slammed into him, and then he lifted her off the ground.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Dad insisted, gesturing towards them. “She can’t do that to Ivy right now.”
“And she won’t,” Levi shot back. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t want her here…”
“Wait, what?” Lucas demanded, catching up really quickly. He glanced at me, and after I rolled my hands and shook my head in a ‘don’t look at me’ gesture, he decided to weigh in. “Levi and Austin are both first responders, and if and when it happens that they both get called in together, every minute wasted costs more lives. Robbie, Charlie, Boyd, and I have all said she can stay with us if necessary, even if that means putting up a dividing door in the hallway on our side to keep her away from Miss W. It’s what family does.”
“Just try to separate us,” Mom growled, then turned on Dad. “Maddy is adorable, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, picking on a defenceless child.”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat my priorities, Ivy. I’ve already said I don’t mind if she stays.”
Lucas looked from one to the next in confusion. “Then what’s the problem?”
“Mister Arnav said that right on the heels of threatening Maddy,” his brother answered.
I saw the argument was about to ramp up again, so I jumped up and went over to Lucas, working my hands around his arm to take Maddy from him. “I’m just going to take Maddy into my office…” I said, determined to remove her from the scene.
Lucas twisted so that his back was to the wall with the TV. “In one of those bags are some toys and games for Maddy.”
“Luke!” Levi reprimanded, even as Maddy heard the magic words and squealed, shimmying to lunge from her uncle to me.
“Relax, bro. Board games and books and the like. Not all of us are millionaires.”
With Maddy in my hands, I put her down in the alcove. And like all kids everywhere, she was off like a bloodhound searching through the bags, discarding anything that didn’t meet the criteria of ‘fun’. She held up three stuffed bags, and even I saw the edges of the board games sticking out.
“Okay,” I said, sliding the bigger two into my hand. Maddy clung to the soft, puffy bag, and I thought I saw toy fur poking out the top. Boardgames and books, my ass, I mused to myself.
We went past the adults, but as I reached the office, I turned and asked Maddy, “Should we see if Geraldine wants to play?”
“Who dat?” she asked in return.
“My girlfriend. Would you like to meet her?”
Maddy shook her head shyly.
“Awwww, come on. She loves to play board games.” I had no idea if Gerry even liked that sort of thing or not, but I’d left her alone too long already and at the very least, I was going to check on her and let her know I was back.
We reached my bedroom door with a little more coaxing, and I opened it without knocking. Gerry was sitting in the reading nook, her favourite place to be when she was alone, and I saw her curled up around her tablet reading. Her head came up when I opened the door, and her smile was wide. “You’re home,” she said, dropping the tablet onto the small table used for it and snacks. She came over and hugged me, then pulled back when she saw Maddy.
“Well, hello,” she said with a welcoming smile as she squatted down to be at Maddy’s height. “You must be Maddy, right?”
I had no idea how she knew who Maddy was, but I was ever so grateful for it since it drew Maddy out of her shell. “I’m gonna be a vet,” she declared like it was a done deal. “Like set, but wif a v.”
Gerry looked up at me, and I snickered. “Mason,” I whispered, for who else in the household could’ve set her on that path?
“And you’re going to be a great vet,” she agreed. “How come you’re down here with us?” She may have posed the question at Maddy and was looking directly at her, but I knew the question was more for me, so I answered instead.
“Mom, Dad, Levi, and Lucas are getting into it in the living room. I figured it was better that she’s not around to hear it.” I still planned to leave the door slightly ajar so Levi could find us when he was ready.
My girl, whom I already loved more than anything, smiled and never took her eyes off Maddy. “Well then, we need space to play. Do you want to help me make the bed? Cause it’s softer up there than down on the floor.”
The bed really should've been made before we went out, but we’d left in such a rush that I hadn’t thought about it. Gerry clapped her hands together for Maddy, who went straight to her. “Here,” she said, lifting Maddy up. “You help me on this side since this is the girls’ side, and Sam can do his side ’cause that’s the boys’ side, okay?”
It was crap, but I got the gist. As I grabbed the covers and pulled them up from my side, she had Maddy hold them from hers and between the three of us, they were straightened out in no time. “Okay, so what are we going to do first?”
Maddy squirmed out of Gerry’s arms and raced back to the bags, upending them on the carpeted floor.
“Oh, my goodness,” Gerry gasped, picking up the Candyland box. “I used to play this with my grandmother when I was a little girl.” She brought it to the bed and opened the box, oohing and ahhing over all the familiar characters.
I was lucky to have Gerry with us, for the bright colours and over-the-top cartoon smiles on all the characters weren’t doing anything for me. “Oh, this is different,” she said, lifting the sweet-shaped spinner out of the box. “My set only had cards to draw from.”
Given that the set-up consisted of a board, a spinner, and tokens, there wasn’t a whole lot to it.
Gerry suddenly sat back and drummed her cheek, humming loudly in mock concentration. She then picked up the four plastic tokens by the bases and turned them towards Maddy. “Which one do you think looks the most like Sam?”
Maddy pulled a near-perfect replica pose, but no matter which one they picked, they were all awful. The choice was between a happy square marshmallow, a laughing jelly blob with a bow on top, a smiling ice cream cone where the ice cream was swirled upwards to resemble hair and a gingerbread girl who looked like she was trying to sing.
Kill me now.
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!
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2024.06.02 14:12 jakedoe101 Wife's new stance on sex toy usage

Hello. My (m42) wife (37f) caught me using a sex toy called, a Fleshlight. She immediately left the room and refuses to speak to me now except to say that she was hoping for sex that night.
Let me explain first though.
My wife and I have been together around 11 years and we have a 9 year old child together. My wife knows I own sex toys. I've owned them long before my wife and I dated. She also owns a few sex toys herself.
I feel as though I've been using them more frequently this past year as my wife has a very low sex drive and isn't interested in sex, outside of the very rarely occasion, and usually always when she's very very drunk.
I went from attempting to initiate sex every couple of days, to never, as she was turning me down around 90% of the time. This started to really be an issue about 2 or 3 years ago where our sex life went from, on average, 4 times a week to once a month, or once every 2 months, like it is now.
I just couldn't handle constant rejection. There wasn't a reason why she would reject sex. She's gone to the doctor and had a thorough checkup. She's not on any form of BC either. Her doctor said everything looks fine. My wife says she's just not into sex like she used to be. On at least 2 occasions she has told me she believes she is asexual even.
What she said last night, about how she wants me to stop using my sex toys, so that I "can be ready" whenever she decides she wants sex, despite her actually wanting it once or twice every 60 days is, to me, insane.
In fact, I'm ok with our sex life dying. It's pretty much dead as it is. The reason why I say this is because it's less stressful and depressing once you remove sex aspect. When I was begging for sex and the constant rejection was absolutely getting to me. I was basically considering separation. I love my wife and I love our kid, and aside from our dead bedroom situation, we have a pretty good marriage. We have a good balance in household chores, childcare and our work schedules match up where we get to spend time as a family, and often.
My wife and I are still intimate, in other ways. We hold hands out. We still kiss and cuddle often, but sex is pretty much off the table, and I know, 100%, that if I give up masterbation and my sex toys, just so I can "be ready" to have sex on that random Friday night, once a month, is going to turn me resentful again.
However, if she wants to attempt to revitalize our sex life, all she has to do is say it. Just tell me she wants to make more of an effort, and I'll quit masturbating. I'll throw away my Fleshlight, or at the very least, use them on very rare occasions. But if this is another half assed attempt that will full-circle us back to dead bedroom land, then no, I'm good. I honestly can't go back to being resentful over being turned down for the 10th time in a row.
I've decided, against my better judgement, to post here for some advice on how to proceed with this. I know communication is important in a marriage, and my wife and I will communicate, eventually, but once you fire that asexual term, there's really no going back.
Also, please don't suggest marriage counseling. We've tried that and it doesn't help. Our insurance doesn't cover it, and when we were going, it cost us around $400 a month for two sessions, so marriage counseling is off the table, for now.
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2024.06.02 13:20 88wandering_fan how to learn to adult?

Teenager here about to enter university next year! Recently, my aunt laughed at me for not knowing how to cook fried rice when I'm already grown and its been eating at me. My parents tease me for being helpless and having to rely on them all the time. I'm quite introverted and my experience so far has made me afraid of looking stupid when experiencing new things. So unlike my siblings who are unafraid to explore, I fear getting scammed for being too noob at stuff (eg I have never bought stuff online myself before because I'm too scared I will somehow leak my card info somewhere lol).
So recently I was bombarded with worries about my future during my nightly 2am overthinking session :') I realised I didn't know how to do things like managing finances (how do you even set up a bank account?), how to book reservations / health appointments, how to manage the household (how to pay the bills? taxes? find someone to service the air con?). How do I plan trips, buy airplane tickets, book hotels? Many things I see myself having to encounter in the (maybe not so near) future, and I have no idea how to approach any of these and more.
Hopefully this post won't make me look to dumb haha and I hope someone can offer advice on how to start becoming more independent, please :)
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2024.06.02 13:17 Jfokdarok 820 temporary partner visa confused with some parts of the application.

Hi all,
My partner and I are in the process of applying for the partner visa after dating for almost 5 years now. We met at uni here in AUS and have been dating when she was on her student visa and now post graduate visa after. I have a few questions regarding some confusion on certain parts of the application.
In the 'relationship details' section of the application we are given 2000 characters total to provide details regarding aspects of the relationship (financial, social, nature of household, nature of commitment and development of the relationship). When clicking on the help section it says if we wish to provide additional information, we can attach further statements after the application is submitted. However, when we see the list of documents to attach prior to submitting it is missing a section for 'development of relationship'. Will they let us add documents after it is fully submitted or did they mean now while we attach supporting evidence prior to submission? If the latter, should I put it under one of the other sub-headings maybe the 'nature of mutual commitment'? Is it worth going into large detail here? 2000 characters feels like a quarter of what I wanted to say but I don't want to overdo it.
Relating to that, are the responses in these sections all meant to be from my partners perspective as she is the applicant, or can we both provide input so long as we make it obvious who is talking? I have heard from a family member who did this 10 years ago that the sponsor receives an email/communication asking for their side to the story but am unsure if that has changed since then.
With the supporting documents If we provide some images or chat logs of our conversations in the past is there anything in particular they are looking for? A lot of our conversations are just stupid stuff like sending memes, chatting about movies and games. Do they want to see serious relationship talk or just anything?
Is it worth having more than 2 supporting witnesses? We currently have my older sister and a close friend who we go on double dinner dates with from time to time and attended their wedding. I could get more friends or family to provide statements, but I assume that's overkill?
Lastly, in the section 'countries resided/visited' my partner has to provide details on countries she's resided in for more than 12 months in the past 10 years and countries she's visited for less than 12 months in the same timeframe. Are we meant to include Australia in the places she's lived in for more than 12 months? If so how are we expected to do it? When we go to add Australia in it asks for dates from and to for her stay. Only issue is there's no box to select for currently residing so i'm unsure what to do whether we just put the same date as when we submit the application or not include it.
I appreciate anyone who has read this all and has or plans to provide some assistance. I get it's a lot of questions in one go so even if you provide an answer to one of them, I would be very grateful.
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2024.06.02 12:58 ThrowAway-Manipu Is my roommate manipulative?

(Throwaway Account; TLTR at the end)
Well, hello there. Thank you for taking the time to read about my ongoing issues with my roommate (let’s call her J) which led up to a quite stressing overall-situation and us making use of the service of a mediator.
I’d love to exchange thoughts with the internet on this to further understand the whole situation, because it starts messing with my head. It may help me see the situation from different points of view, gain new insight and understanding.
The biggest problem is: I can not just leave the house, for various reasons. So the goal is to really get to a point to dealing with all this in the most acceptable way.
For reference: We inhabit a house in Europe with 12 individuals, some of which are kids. We all are equal roommates. That is at least the goal… We own the house and care for everything ourselves, but may get help for stuff we do not want to do or don’t have the qualifications for. Everyone has their life outside of the living project with jobs, studying, friends etc. (We are not a commune.)
J is one of the people with husband + kids in the house. She is one of the founders of the project, I came to join several years ago. We just had lots of change with people moving in and out after a huge conflict broke out. I love the new constellation of folks and the change that is happening with them. They are amazing, lovely people, yet very different from one another. What it also brings is hope for change in areas which there wasn’t much movement before. So I kinda roll with it and try to give my input for internal structures, ideas and projects.
So, what the fuck has been happening?
J and her husband (let’s call him H) always told the group they got too much on their plates. This has been the narrative from the beginning of my time here. So with the new group we made sure to really organize all our tasks in the house so they get to do less now. Yet it does not seem to change anything. They are still stressed as hell, cannot say “no” to things and have their “fingers in every pie”. This results in a much more stressed and hotheaded environment when they are at home. We do not have any emotional connection at all. I was subject to some of her really hurtful jokes yet and do not think she is a nice person tbh. The way she talks about others gives me the shivers sometimes. She is most open, nice and fun when drinking alcohol. This realization was food for thought.
When J wants something from the group or single persons she will address it almost instantly and in the most random and sometimes unfitting circumstances; e.g. when someone can not listen at the moment, in front of other conversations, interrupting etc.
Her tone of voice is very loud and sometimes harsh. She recently admitted that she does not know she speaks like that and people may tell her. But well, if you do tell her anything at all like that she is annoyed at least. She is often the first person to talk in group-settings without any chances to get in between. This happens in social settings (She “interrogates” a new guest while everybody else has to listen) and in group talks around organizing tasks (The first one to speak. The one with the most to say. Monologues. Repeating themselves. Becoming very emotional at times.)
Until now I kinda accepted this, but I am tired of it. I just ended therapy and I am standing up for myself after better understanding my needs, my mind and stuff. And let me tell you SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT.
I’ll tell her, when I am not available for talking (f.e. because I am too tired to listen or do not have time), when she tries to infodump stuff on me. Then she repeats her words. It makes me angry. I do not feel heard. I’ll tell her, when I do think we should hear more silent voices in group talks and try to make space for them. She gets annoyed. Some people tried to implement a role of “moderation” into our bi-weekly talks. She did not like the idea at all. After I stood up for one of my needs in a group talk, two other people came to me afterwards saying they are happy that I said that, cause they feel the same way and did not want to upset J with it. So yeah, other people are kinda scared to bring up their topics with her. This makes me very sad.
A few weeks ago she wanted to confront me about something I did wrong in the household with something technical while doing it. She started dumping all her information on me why this is wrong and how to do it right and why she is the one to know it better. I like to get feedback and helpful criticism, but not in this way. No hello, no nothing, just blurting everything out and standing in front of me staring at me. I was overwhelmed and showed confusion cause I’ve been doing this thing that way for a long time and it worked. She repeated and repeated and repeated herself, thinking I did not understand. I had no chance to just ask a simple follow-up question. When I did, I was able to understand her point but she just kept going and getting louder. This continued until I broke down crying and telling her to stop and leave me alone. She did get even louder and coming toward me, even when I raised my hands in front of her and saying I do not feel safe when she does not leave me alone right now. The technical wrongdoing btw wasn’t anything catastrophic, but something that could be done in a more effective way.
Since then we have been distant and now using the help of a mediator to go through the conflict, as I was not open to talk with her alone after pressuring me to talking immediately the day after as I was still trying to recover from this. I made two offers to talk with her (short first talk or group talk) which she did not like. I did not sense any kind of understanding from her as she went on to say I am actively refusing to talk to her.
While being in the mediation (We agreed that we can talk to other people about it) I noticed some patterns in her speech and being that left me utterly confused and astonished that now led me to thinking she is in no good spirits, but rather manipulative.
  1. My hard boundary “Stop this now and leave me alone.” did not exist in her telling the story. Even after I told her it did happen, even multiple times she just went mute and blank stared.
  2. She criticised the mediators technique and refused answering two questions. One of which was to say what she thinks of my needs and if she could understand those.
  3. As I stated my “needs” (f.e. talking less loudly, friendly hellos and checking if someone is available for infodumping) she said these cross her boundaries. She has a need for simply being as she is which gives her peace in her home. She also told me “It is always about your needs and they keep getting more and more.”
  4. She talked “for the group” saying one should put their personal needs behind the group needs. When really nobody else (yet) has had a problem with me saying I need the conversation to be a bit less loud to being able to follow the talking.
  5. She talked about how much needs she already has to juggle: kids, husband, job, illnesses etc. and how it is just too much to also be concerned with other peoples personal needs in the household. I understood she is extremely stressed. I will say we are a group and I think it is normal that people have preferences and needs and we have a understanding of caring about others needs in lots of places… For example when cooking together and making sure everybody can eat what is cooked. There are a lot of her and the childrens needs that we care for.
  6. She outright refused that the mediator wrote something down like "J feels uncertainty in handling Xs needs." even after she told us how many questions my needs raise in her head.
  7. As it was our job to create ideas to handle our conflict or try out certain stuff in communication, I was the only one to give ideas. She did not comment them or give own ideas. As far as now we did not try out one of the ideas. One of my wishes was that she may give me an idea to tell her “stop” and “no” in crucial situations like the really loud arguing, the way she understands it, as I ran out of ideas.
I honestly do not think that this is a completely personal conflict between two individuals. I guess it couldv’e been anyone from the group just stating some need that does inflict with her having to change her behaviour just a bit. After the conversation with a third party I feel like I can understand her a bit better. I thought it was a good idea doing it with somebody there to guide us through it, otherwise I think I wouldn’t have said anything. Yet I did not get a signal of understanding from her. I am sensing some pessimism inside of me growing.
Suprisingly she agreed on doing further mediation. So let’s see how it continues.
What do you think about this? How to handle this?
TLTR: My roommate J thinks my personal needs are too much and limit her freedom. I want group talks to be less hotheaded and be spoken to in a friendly way + asked if I got capacities for listening before somebody dumps infos on me. We are in a mediation process and it does not yet seem to get us to resolve this. I can not leave the house.
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2024.06.02 12:51 ThrowAway-Manipu Order & Chaos - Or How I May Have Discovered My Roommate Is Manipulative?

(Throwaway Account; TLTR at the end)
Well, hello there. Thank you for taking the time to read about my ongoing issues with my roommate (let’s call her J) which led up to a quite stressing overall-situation and us making use of the service of a mediator.
I’d love to exchange thoughts with the internet on this to further understand the whole situation, because it starts messing with my head. It may help me see the situation from different points of view, gain new insight and understanding.
The biggest problem is: I can not just leave the house, for various reasons. So the goal is to really get to a point to dealing with all this in the most acceptable way.
For reference: We inhabit a house in Europe with 12 individuals, some of which are kids. We all are equal roommates. That is at least the goal… We own the house and care for everything ourselves, but may get help for stuff we do not want to do or don’t have the qualifications for. Everyone has their life outside of the living project with jobs, studying, friends etc. (We are not a commune.)
J is one of the people with husband + kids in the house. She is one of the founders of the project, I came to join several years ago. We just had lots of change with people moving in and out after a huge conflict broke out. I love the new constellation of folks and the change that is happening with them. They are amazing, lovely people, yet very different from one another. What it also brings is hope for change in areas which there wasn’t much movement before. So I kinda roll with it and try to give my input for internal structures, ideas and projects.
So, what the fuck has been happening?
J and her husband (let’s call him H) always told the group they got too much on their plates. This has been the narrative from the beginning of my time here. So with the new group we made sure to really organize all our tasks in the house so they get to do less now. Yet it does not seem to change anything. They are still stressed as hell, cannot say “no” to things and have their “fingers in every pie”. This results in a much more stressed and hotheaded environment when they are at home. We do not have any emotional connection at all. I was subject to some of her really hurtful jokes yet and do not think she is a nice person tbh. The way she talks about others gives me the shivers sometimes. She is most open, nice and fun when drinking alcohol. This realization was food for thought.
When J wants something from the group or single persons she will address it almost instantly and in the most random and sometimes unfitting circumstances; e.g. when someone can not listen at the moment, in front of other conversations, interrupting etc.
Her tone of voice is very loud and sometimes harsh. She recently admitted that she does not know she speaks like that and people may tell her. But well, if you do tell her anything at all like that she is annoyed at least. She is often the first person to talk in group-settings without any chances to get in between. This happens in social settings (She “interrogates” a new guest while everybody else has to listen) and in group talks around organizing tasks (The first one to speak. The one with the most to say. Monologues. Repeating themselves. Becoming very emotional at times.)
Until now I kinda accepted this, but I am tired of it. I just ended therapy and I am standing up for myself after better understanding my needs, my mind and stuff. And let me tell you SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT.
I’ll tell her, when I am not available for talking (f.e. because I am too tired to listen or do not have time), when she tries to infodump stuff on me. Then she repeats her words. It makes me angry. I do not feel heard. I’ll tell her, when I do think we should hear more silent voices in group talks and try to make space for them. She gets annoyed. Some people tried to implement a role of “moderation” into our bi-weekly talks. She did not like the idea at all. After I stood up for one of my needs in a group talk, two other people came to me afterwards saying they are happy that I said that, cause they feel the same way and did not want to upset J with it. So yeah, other people are kinda scared to bring up their topics with her. This makes me very sad.
A few weeks ago she wanted to confront me about something I did wrong in the household with something technical while doing it. She started dumping all her information on me why this is wrong and how to do it right and why she is the one to know it better. I like to get feedback and helpful criticism, but not in this way. No hello, no nothing, just blurting everything out and standing in front of me staring at me. I was overwhelmed and showed confusion cause I’ve been doing this thing that way for a long time and it worked. She repeated and repeated and repeated herself, thinking I did not understand. I had no chance to just ask a simple follow-up question. When I did, I was able to understand her point but she just kept going and getting louder. This continued until I broke down crying and telling her to stop and leave me alone. She did get even louder and coming toward me, even when I raised my hands in front of her and saying I do not feel safe when she does not leave me alone right now. The technical wrongdoing btw wasn’t anything catastrophic, but something that could be done in a more effective way.
Since then we have been distant and now using the help of a mediator to go through the conflict, as I was not open to talk with her alone after pressuring me to talking immediately the day after as I was still trying to recover from this. I made two offers to talk with her (short first talk or group talk) which she did not like. I did not sense any kind of understanding from her as she went on to say I am actively refusing to talk to her.
While being in the mediation (We agreed that we can talk to other people about it) I noticed some patterns in her speech and being that left me utterly confused and astonished that now led me to thinking she is in no good spirits, but rather manipulative.
  1. My hard boundary “Stop this now and leave me alone.” did not exist in her telling the story. Even after I told her it did happen, even multiple times she just went mute and blank stared.
  2. She criticised the mediators technique and refused answering two questions. One of which was to say what she thinks of my needs and if she could understand those.
  3. As I stated my “needs” (f.e. talking less loudly, friendly hellos and checking if someone is available for infodumping) she said these cross her boundaries. She has a need for simply being as she is which gives her peace in her home. She also told me “It is always about your needs and they keep getting more and more.”
  4. She talked “for the group” saying one should put their personal needs behind the group needs. When really nobody else (yet) has had a problem with me saying I need the conversation to be a bit less loud to being able to follow the talking.
  5. She talked about how much needs she already has to juggle: kids, husband, job, illnesses etc. and how it is just too much to also be concerned with other peoples personal needs in the household. I understood she is extremely stressed. I will say we are a group and I think it is normal that people have preferences and needs and we have a understanding of caring about others needs in lots of places… For example when cooking together and making sure everybody can eat what is cooked. There are a lot of her and the childrens needs that we care for.
  6. She outright refused that the mediator wrote something down like "J feels uncertainty in handling Xs needs." even after she told us how many questions my needs raise in her head.
  7. As it was our job to create ideas to handle our conflict or try out certain stuff in communication, I was the only one to give ideas. She did not comment them or give own ideas. As far as now we did not try out one of the ideas. One of my wishes was that she may give me an idea to tell her “stop” and “no” in crucial situations like the really loud arguing, the way she understands it, as I ran out of ideas.
I honestly do not think that this is a completely personal conflict between two individuals. I guess it couldv’e been anyone from the group just stating some need that does inflict with her having to change her behaviour just a bit. After the conversation with a third party I feel like I can understand her a bit better. I thought it was a good idea doing it with somebody there to guide us through it, otherwise I think I wouldn’t have said anything. Yet I did not get a signal of understanding from her. I am sensing some pessimism inside of me growing.
Suprisingly she agreed on doing further mediation. So let’s see how it continues.
What do you think about this? How to handle this?
TLTR: My roommate J thinks my personal needs are too much and limit her freedom. I want group talks to be less hotheaded and be spoken to in a friendly way + asked if I got capacities for listening before somebody dumps infos on me. We are in a mediation process and it does not yet seem to get us to resolve this.
submitted by ThrowAway-Manipu to Manipulation [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 12:49 josukehair scared and not sure where to turn to.. am i jumping the gun? where else can i look?

first off, i just want to apologize about being on this subreddit even though i’m not 100% sure i have me/cfs. i just feel so alone and have no one to talk to and ask questions, and as days pass by it’s getting more and more difficult to manage with the “what ifs.” i’m just so isolated, alone, and afraid and need guidance from people who know best. this is going to be a long post, so i appreciate so much if you read it all and stick to the end.
this all truly started on may 3rd. i spent the majority of february and march in bed with an average of around 900-2,000 steps a day. i had a very strange, horrible bout of GI symptoms, fatigue, and paralyzing anxiety that kept me at home basically all the time.
once i got better after being placed on PPIs and vitamin D supplements because I was diagnosed as deficient in april, i had to scramble to catch up in my last very difficult college course. i had four weeks to cram study as much as possible. the stress was unreal, and at one point i thought i failed the course and cried like someone had died, literally for hours! since it was my last class before finally graduating from computer science.
in those four weeks i left the house every single day, averaging around 5-6k steps daily, and then came finals week where one day i got 3 hours of sleep. this was may 2nd. after that day, i got severe, all encompassing fatigue. the fatigue and exhaustion were so, so awful. it felt like i was in a dream and the world was spinning all around me. i would sleep for 8, 9, 10 hours and wake up and feel exhausted within the hour. i felt drunk. i needed to take a nap every single day no matter how much i slept. this caused major emotional distress and i basically cried every single day because of it. this last around 2 weeks, until may 12th! i started to improve, and then on may 17th i finally left the house again and caught covid.
i didn’t know i caught covid, and i’m not 100% sure i had it now. all i know is that i felt like i had an awful flu/cold. i never had a fever, but throughout the “cold” i pushed myself to keep taking 1 mile walks throughout my neighborhood because i believed in “sweating it out” so stupid of me! i know! then, my mom tested positive for COVID herself with the same exact symptoms. i tested after she tested positive and tested negative. this was within an 8 day span.
now, the fatigue is back. and even though it’s not nearly as bad as it was in early may. it’s basically pretty similar. i sleep for 7-10 hours, i feel ok for about 1-2 hours, then need a nap in the middle of the day around 4-7pm, then i’m still tired again by 10pm. what makes this time different is the awful leg pain i have accompanying the fatigue. it’s like a very intense muscle soreness. my leg muscles also twitch and cramp constantly. i got this during my walks in the neighborhood last week and it won’t go away. walks have never made me sore in my entire life. it’s kept me awake all night tonight and i’m up typing this while crying on zero hours of sleep.
so now my questions are, am i jumping the gun and being silly assuming this is ME/CFS? i’m still having a hard time gauging what is “unrefreshed sleep” and “PEM.” I feel okay waking up, albeit groggy, but then feel very tired with 2-3 hours of waking. i need the nap, feel a lot better after the nap, then i’m tired early at night again regardless. in terms of PEM, i don’t feel any flu-like symptoms or exhaustion when i do things like household chores, showering, brushing my teeth but walking more than 2k-4k steps a day has me feeling in pain and extremely fatigued IMMEDIATELY after the long event. i don’t notice myself getting worse 12-48 hours after.
finally, i hung out with friends all day today, and even though it was at her house, my fitbit clocked 4.8k steps. she had stairs i had to go up and down. and now my legs hurt so, so bad it feels like they’re ripping open. i’m exhausted and so tired, but it’s currently 6am and i couldn’t sleep all night because of the leg pain and worry. for context, i’m 23F and 5’2” and 118lbs. i’m not overweight and have no known health issues to be causing this. my only saving grace is that my ferritin level is a 17 and my iron saturation is 15%. i’m holding onto hope that this might be iron deficiency (without anemia) symptoms. but it’s so hard and scary. i’m looking for any advice and guidance on this situation. i’ve looked into my thyroid and found nothing. i have a sleep study soon. a colonoscopy and endoscopy are set for july. i just have no idea how to relax during this very long waiting game.
submitted by josukehair to cfs [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 12:48 absolutelysureithink Aim for 57 with pensions or other investments? Looking for guidance/ideas

Looking for some advice on how to plan for the next 15 years.
I (M 42) have two children (one just heading to school, another just starting nursery at 1) where I've been managing annual net adjusted income to circa 99k, so we retain tax free childcare and free hours etc. With the free hours (increasing to 30 for the second child next year) and £2k allowance this feels more valuable to use than making ourselves ineligible.
My wife is returning to work part time after maternity, has a DB pension and her income and mine just contribute to household costs & savings etc. Her public sector pension is available from as early as age 48.
Just started a new job, with £105k salary and will be putting around 25% into pension (combined mine and employer's generous contribution) in to whatever scheme is used. The bonus structure is 15% or more for higher performance so I expect to sacrifice that into pension too.
My existing pension pot has discounted fees (0.2%/annum) with a balance of £320k invested in global equity with a current small bias to North America.
Between my wife (age 40) and I we have around £45k in savings, investment ISAs and vested shares from my previous employer (I've sold as many as I can this FY given capital gains allowance). The kids have JISAs we normally put £120/month each into, and some premium bonds bought usually by extended family. Any income that's not spent, used to pay off debt/loans used for home improvements and car purchases at low interest rates (totalling around £27k currently), generally goes into an Investment ISA.
We have a mortgage, currently benefiting from a 5yr fixed until 2026 at 1.79%, of around £230k on a property worth circa £650k in the south of England. When we change the mortgage product there will be around 10yrs left.
I'm aware we're in a very fortunate position, but unsure how to plan for retirement now assuming a lifetime allowance will return in the next government (whom I also assume will remain in power for at least 8 years, maybe more, depending on the resurgence of the typical opposition).
If the 60% tax trap remains, and tax bands remain mostly unchanged, sacrificing income into pension feels like the most sensible option even if that is then taxed due to a LTA in the future. There's also I guess the likelihood a new Labour government will change up income tax (and maybe benefit eligibility) in a budget for next tax year.
Using compound growth calculations for both my existing pension and growth of new employer pension, plus an anticipated further saving into ISAs, I expect I'll be able to retire at 57 with a reasonable drawdown/use of savings. That's assuming a mean annual growth of 6%, which could be optimistic or pessimistic depending if WW3 happens or not!
One thing I've considered is putting take home income into a SIPP for my wife (and that benefitting from 20% tax relief) if I were to decide to let my own net adjusted income over the £100k. I'm also thinking just sit tight and see how dramatically the tax system changes under a new government over the next couple of years and adjust accordingly.
There's also the change to our mortgage coming, where overpaying will likely be more beneficial than it has been for the last 5yrs, due to the rise in the base rate. Doing so could mean either of us could stop work sooner and use savings/investments until pension drawdown becomes available/worthwhile.
As for future inheritance etc, I'm assuming (and hoping for simplicity) any remaining small wealth from our parents will go straight to the grandchildren. I hope JISAs, our own savings and any future inheritance would contribute to further education/buying cars etc when the kids hit their late teens. Weddings, house purchases etc for them is too far off to consider right now but I'd hope drawdown would be able to help later in life as funds compound grow.
I'd be interested to hear what suggestions there are for the immediate and longer term planning, as I'm also well aware I could be a long time dead tomorrow! I have been tempted to enlist the help of professional advisors, however the fee structure (circa 1.5% of managed wealth) has put me off so far.
How would you plan to FIRE given these parameters?
submitted by absolutelysureithink to FIREUK [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 12:47 9f04k0 How to Create Memes with $EMMANUEL Staring into the Camera

How to Create Memes with $EMMANUEL Staring into the Camera

Hey there, $EMMANUEL enthusiasts!

One of the best parts of our community is sharing the joy and humor through memes. $EMMANUEL’s iconic image, where he looks straight into the camera, is perfect for creating engaging and funny content. Here’s how you can start memeing with $EMMANUEL’s unforgettable stare.
https://preview.redd.it/bpfuf9pl154d1.jpg?width=888&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3656175234c94462007a13b0c13a73549ace264a
Step-by-Step Guide to Creating $EMMANUEL Memes:
1. Get the Image:
  • Use the official image of Emmanuel the emu looking into the lens. Ensure you have the right to use the image or use ones available in our community resources.
2. Choose Your Meme-Making Tool:
  • Use online tools like [Imgflip](), [Canva](), or Meme Generator to create your meme.
  • Alternatively, you can use photo editing software like Photoshop or GIMP.
3. Add a Catchy Caption:
  • Think of a funny or relatable caption that fits with $EMMANUEL’s expression. Some ideas include:
    • “When you check your crypto wallet and see $EMMANUEL mooning!”
    • “$EMMANUEL staring into the future of crypto!”
    • “When $EMMANUEL looks into your soul and sees a hodler.”
4. Customize Your Meme:
  • Adjust the text size, font, and position to make sure it’s easily readable and visually appealing.
  • Add any additional elements like stickers, emojis, or other images to enhance your meme.
5. Share Your Creation:
  • Post your meme in the Emmanuel_Solana subreddit and other social media platforms.
  • Use relevant hashtags like #EMMANUEL, #EmuMeme, #CryptoMeme to reach a wider audience.
6. Engage with the Community:
  • Comment on other people’s memes, share your thoughts, and enjoy the laughter.
  • Participate in meme contests and challenges within our subreddit.
Creating and sharing memes is a great way to engage with the community and spread the word about $EMMANUEL. Let’s fill the internet with emu humor and make $EMMANUEL a household name in the crypto world!
Happy memeing, and we can’t wait to see your creations! 🐦💫
submitted by 9f04k0 to Emmanuel_Solana [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 12:43 SubstantialLoquat186 I think I'm falling in love with my married coworker and I'm stuck in an unhappy relationship. I feel like I'm going crazy

I had to make this throwaway account because I've got something eating away at me, and I can't talk to anyone about it without stirring up a whole mess with our mutual friends. I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed by my emotions, and I don't even know where to begin.
I've been with my girlfriend for four years, and there was a time when I was convinced she was the love of my life. We shared so much in common – our interests, our lifestyles, our values. But there's always been this one nagging issue: her lack of a stable job. It's the reason I've hesitated to propose. I've been busting my ass at work, pulling crazy hours, even on weekends, just to make ends meet. We've fought about it countless times because she's ready for us to take the next step, but she knows why I haven't popped the question yet. And I can feel the resentment building between us because of it. What hurts the most is feeling like she sees me as nothing more than a money-hungry guy. She grew up in a family with even less than I had, so she thinks I'm being greedy for wanting financial stability. But what she doesn't understand is that I've been the one carrying the financial burden since day one. I've covered most of our expenses – rent, groceries, you name it. I've invested in her dreams, supported her career ambitions. I've poured my heart out, telling her how exhausted I am from working so hard, and all I've wanted is a partner to share the load with. And now that she's finally pursuing her dreams by getting into law school, I still don't feel appreciated. She's got this habit of saying the things I do for her as "basic boyfriend requirements," she literally says that phrase, and it drives me up the wall. Every time she talks about something nice her friends' partners do, she shrugs it off as something and says it's "basic boyfriend requirement" It makes me question everything. She complains that she cooks and cleans for me all the time, but if I'm expected to foot the bill for almost everything and it's a "basic boyfriend requirement", shouldn't "cooking and cleaning" be considered a "basic girlfriend requirement?" And if I'm paying the lion's share of the bills, how is it fair to expect me to split household chores 50/50? I've never brought up this up because it feels so petty, and I do feel like the man is suppose to take care of the woman. But I just wanted to feel appreciated.
And then there's this woman at work. God, she's incredible. She's witty, intelligent, hardworking, and beautiful. I never planned on falling for her, but we've grown so close over the past year. We've spent countless late nights working together, working on projects and talking about everything under the sun. She's been my rock and I can't help but feel drawn to her. One day, on my day off she texted me "Hey, I hope you're taking some time to rest today and not pushing yourself too hard. Just wanted to say, I really appreciate you." and it made me so happy. Despite our late nights together, she never seems eager to rush home, and she rarely mentions her husband. I knew she had boys because she'd gush about them, sharing stories and photos. It took me by surprise when she finally mentioned her husband in passing, almost casually, during a conversation about her kids' recent interaction with him. Whenever I try to delve deeper into details of her husband, she deflects or changes the subject. It's confusing, especially since we've shared so much already – our deepest fears, her struggles with postpartum depression, things I swore never to mention to anybody else. But she keeps the topic of her husband at arm's length. The late-night texts, the calls that start with work but veer into personal territory – it's all so puzzling. She also knows that I'm in a relationship, but she doesn't ask about my girlfriend either. When I do bring up topics about my girlfriend (not in any negative light), she doesn't ask any questions or follow up unlike other things we talk about. It's almost like she's keeping the door open for me, and to be honest, deep down inside I feel like I'm leaving the door open for her as well.
But she's married, and I'm in a committed relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking about her like this, but I can't help it. Every time I look at her, I can't shake the feeling that I've met my soulmate too late. It's tearing me apart inside. And the worst part is, talking to my girlfriend now just fills me with anger and frustration. How is it that this married woman, who I just met less than a year ago, has me questioning everything I thought I knew about love and loyalty?
submitted by SubstantialLoquat186 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 11:08 hipcats I (F28) stepped up and took on all the domestic duties when my boyfriend (M30) had a heavy workload. Now that I have the heavy workload, I am still the domestic keeper. Advice for how to approach?

I (28F) think I am a bit of an asshole due to HOW I bring the topic up, but I think my boyfriend (30M) is the asshole for being blind about what needs to be done/WATCHING me do housework and not considering how he could contribute. I’ll let Reddit decide for now and hopefully give me some advice.
For background, I and my partner work full-time and live together. I am a high school teacher and he works as a manager in a warehouse/production capacity. I don’t want to say more, in case it can identify me/us, but we typically make a similar amount of money as a base-line, but he gets his vehicle, phone, health, etc. paid for by work and generally makes a $50,000 bonus on top of that if work is going well that year. He owns his own home but won’t let me contribute to the mortgage, “just in case” things go south as it would, legally in my country, give me rights to his home. Fair enough - instead, I contribute to bills, pay for all the food and household items, all subscription services, etc.
It should be said that I am currently in a position where I work most nights when I get home and spend about 10-20 hours, most weekends, marking. It’s shit. This is my fifth year teaching and I’m beginning to look for ‘outs’. Regardless, I’m not enjoying my job and I spend a lot, if not all, of my free-time working.
My partner was in a similar position for about a year and a half (1-2 years ago), as his company was not doing well, and he was working on weekends and nights, on top of his daily hours. It was utter shit for him. I figured to help him and make his life easier, I would always clean the house, have dinner on the table by the time he got home, fed the dogs, do his washing /do anything in my power to make his life easier. He has come out of this working environment this year, and often gets home earlier than me (he does begin earlier than me, however). I have discovered that, now that my working life has become increasingly more difficult and time-consuming, the same level of reciprocation has not occurred. Perhaps it is because I do a lot of my 'extra' work at home, whereas he had to go into work to do his.
Regardless, I am still the one who comes home, unpacks the dishwasher, tidies the house, cooks dinner, cleans up afterwards, feeds the dogs, and then continues to work until 11:30-12 at night, whilst he falls asleep by 9:30-10. After 5 months of this, I am royally pissed off. My work schedule has increased, his has decreased, yet my domestic duties have not changed in the slightest. He gets home and, generally, apart from a work call every now and then, gets to relax until he falls asleep. I rarely get this luxury yet get told by him that I am "burnt out" and "stressed" from work, as though domestic duties don't contribute to this. I lived as a single woman/by myself before moving in with him and it seems like the time I spend cooking and cleaning has almost doubled.
FOR INSTANCE: We order a food/cooking delivery service, where they deliver the ingredients, the recipes, and it takes literally 15-30 minutes to cook and serve the dishes. On the rare occasion (like when I’m doing school reports) that I simply don’t have the time in the evening to cook, I’ll ask him to do it. He says yes, puts it off until it’s late, and then orders unhealthy take-away “because I didn’t know what to do/didn’t know what you wanted to eat”. The recipes are on a magnet on the fridge and are simple enough for a 12-year-old to follow. I have called him out on ‘weaponised incompetence’ already and he’s accepted this but hasn’t had changed his actions.
When I do call him out or ask for his help I’ll come home to an unpacked dishwasher and a clean kitchen. I’ll cook and he’ll take our plates and clean up the kitchen… for a day or two. It goes back to 'normal' after this. It’s clear he knows what/how to do the jobs required to maintain a household, but won’t do them consistently. Like, when I didn't take the bins out for a few days I found maggots in them. I expressed a similar issue with my past boyfriend when I started dating my current boyfriend a few years ago and he said, "what a child, how disgusting" - yet here I am again.
I have brought it up, not going to lie, it hasn’t gone well in the past so now it’s usually after a night out and we’re both a bit tipsy and end up fighting. He claims that he does a lot around the house (like set up shelves once a year, or look at my car every 6 months, and change my tyres when they go flat - things that I know are labour intensive, but as I have said to him, don't contribute to the day-to-day running of a household). I have gone out and bought him flowers, apologised, etc. the last two occasions, even though I think my reasoning is right despite approaching it in a bitchy manner, yet nothing changes and I continue to live in a shithole that I seem to clean up every day, yet he will trash it by kicking his shoes off wherever he feels like it, never taking his empty cans to the trash, pulling out all his tools and equipment to maintain his car (he does this every weekend), yet never put it away. I’m sick of cleaning up after him – I’ve tried being subtle and kind, I have tried the passive-aggressive bitch route, so I am here, finally, for some adult advice. Perhaps for a bit of a vent too, now that I’m reading back what I wrote.
He’s made such a fuss about being desperate for children – although I could live without them, but can see myself really loving motherhood after infancy, I don’t want to be a mother to my boyfriend as well, and I’d utterly resent him if I had to maintain my current job and domestic duties ON TOP OF those that come with having a child. We need some change or a way forward that we can both agree on, or else I really don't see us having children for my own sanity and longevity. HELP!!
TL;DR: I stepped up and took over all the domestic duties when my boyfriend was working like a dog, now that the working roles are reversed, I am still the one maintaining the domestic workload. I have been a bit of a bitter bitch when bringing up the topic in the aim to receive a bit of help around the house, and I need the help to NOT be. BUT - It is my opinion that my boyfriend is an adult and should know that the bins need to be taken out, the dishwasher unpacked, on a 2 day basis etc. but??? HELP. Am I a bitch? How do I salvage this?
submitted by hipcats to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 11:03 CynicalCosmologist We need to do something about BO2024.

No annual compilation album is perfect. No scoring system is perfect. But the system in place is unfair to artists, detrimental to the quality of the album, and it has been like this for too long.
Before 2020, annual voting had a strict rule on voting for only one song per artist. Places on the top 30, 40 or however many songs there would be were weighted by artist votes, not individual song votes; while the most voted song per artist was included on the album.
When this rule was scrapped, it had enormous ramifications for the annual compilation albums. In my opinion, BO2020 is by far the worst of these albums. Seven of my ten votes got in, so I should have been happy. But because the way votes were counted changed substantially with no prior notice, the outcome was very different from what we expected, and very disappointing. There were several repeated occurrences of the same artist, with many of their more mediocre songs making the album. Furthermore, there was a huge imbalance between the number of Uncaged and Instinct releases, to the point where it felt like there were barely any interesting Instinct releases at all in 2020, where that couldn't be more untrue.
This change has, over the years, been shambolic. Sure, there were some better results when we had clarity on what we and Monstercat were doing. But BO2021, for example, had practically the same system in place, and there were several repeated artists. Silk was new to the label then, and the only three of forty tracks on the album were both Rocket League songs, and caught up in the initial hype of the Silk acquisition. It was better than the previous year, but it could have been better still.
Think of the artists who could've been on these albums if this rule was never discarded. It could be huge for them. Pixel Terror came in last place on BO2018, and it was a big win for a small artist. They became a household name for the Monstercat community and the bass music scene soon after. The artists at the top, on the other hand, don't need three or more releases on the album to be recognised or successful. The fact that they are there at all is a great achievement already.
We lose a lot of music diversity as well because of this rule. In 2020 there was a lot of amazing garage and future bass, none of which was on the album. In 2023, it was great seeing Bossfight, Hayve, Skybreak and Crankdat on the album, but we didn't need them to be there with more brostep again and again. We could have had some gritty neurofunk from Rebel Scum or Teddy Killerz, some experimental dubstep from Whales or Slippy, or some hard trap from Skyler or Godlands to add to the diversity of Uncaged that year, but that didn't happen.
I will say that I think it's great that Monstercat decided to count the top 10 or 30 per brand, particularly given the change to the release schedule. But I have a feeling that this won't be enough. No Mana is currently dominating the scene with Instinct while Nigel Good does the same for Silk, each having released entire LPs on their respective brands. While I would undoubtedly be delighted to see them both on BO2024, I would be devastated if they were practically the only ones in the top ten. There have been so many wonderful songs on these brands besides these artists, and they deserve recognition for their talents as well. I'd hate to see a system where only one artist with one LP gets a place on the album.
And yes, there may be flaws with the old system, e.g. how does one rank collabs? But in 2018, when songs were assigned to the first artist, it worked. It was actually cool to see Bossfight appear on the album twice, with Work and Subside being two radically different tracks. We still got plenty of diversity of brands, genres and artists that year. This was one of the best annual compilation albums in the label's history, and it was fair for artists, allowing newcomers to take the spotlight. BO2019 was also exceptional, and in spite of this "first artist in collab" rule not being in effect, we still got a great album where many different artists were celebrated. No voting system is perfect, but these problems pale in comparison to what we get without the one vote per artist rule.
I strongly believe that Monstercat should reinstate this rule sooner rather than later, and I know that I'm not alone in thinking this. There was a post over a year ago where this was discussed, and the comments were largely in agreement that this change has been bad for artists and for these compilation albums. It affects not only the value and enjoyability of the album, but the potential for lesser known artists to grow and to be recognised for their incredible music. It's not just about Best Of 2024, it's about Monstercat.
submitted by CynicalCosmologist to Monstercat [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 10:11 Slutmonkey_5283 Sexism and Machismo in Millenial Males

This really bothers me on a daily basis. One thing that drives me up a wall is the way Millenial men have this weird, distorted idea of what a real man is.
I grew up in a time a few years before the average millennial did, and back in my day, all the men around me that were dads, and older were more like Randy Marsh from South Park, Peter Griffin, and like the dad in American Pie. They weren’t trying to be macho and manly, but now I notice with more Millenial men becoming fathers (it’s not all of them, but I know many guys like this), they have this warped sexist belief that they have to be dominant in their relationships, they need to be the leader of the house, they speak in this fake low monotone voice, and constantly shame other males for displaying any kind of goofy behavior like Randy Marsh would not be respected by them because he’s not speaking in a monotone voice, and dominating his wife, and manipulating, and mindfucking her.
Like the type of person I’m speaking of would be similar to a Nate Jacob’s from Euphoria, and his dad in the show, and them shaming males like Randy Marsh and other people in the show who aren’t doing that thing they do, and I don’t know what it is they’re doing exactly, except trying to constantly establish dominance in their local Heirarchy.
Like why do these millennial males have to constantly try to establish dominance over their partners, and other males, and then once dominance is established they don’t respect the men they dominate because the men didn’t dominate them instead? Why is this a thing, and where did it come from?
Like I said earlier, I grew up in the 80s and early 90s and was in High School in the mid nineties, and no males were doing this dominance thing, where they constantly have to establish dominance over other males, unless it was Biker Gangs of something. It’s almost similar to prison culture. Like where are these dudes getting this shit from? And where are they getting their ideas of what real men are from?
These guys are typically white males from middle class households that went to Disney every year, had all their needs met, parents always had new cars, but now that they’re in their 30s and are able finally able to grow a full beard, they’re spewing this mindfucking Millenial male machismo at everyone like they think they’ve accomplished all this shit in life, and did better than their fathers, and have no respect for anyone who didn’t do as well as them, or reach the heights they’ve reached in life because they’re so masculine. They have no respect for any male that hasn’t harnessed the unbridled hidden masculine in them, that they’ve been able to tap into, and become such a dominant force in the world, but the joke is all they’ve accomplished is they got a job, have a wife, maybe had a kid. They haven’t gotten to the point in life where it all collapses like it did for everyone else. it happened to most people before them, because shit just happens, but these guys do it as failures, and have no respect for failure.
What I’m trying to describe is the narcissism, and arrogance of these people. They’re so arrogant, and think they’ve accomplished so much. They speak in this fake voice where they fake how deep their natural voice is. They most likely have a wide vocal range like every male born before them, but they choose to speak between 40-60hz at all times. They think any man that speaks in higher frequencies must obviously drink his own cum, and be a beta male.
Where did this all come from? Gen X wasn’t like this, and you can tell if you watch old movies. People used to just be themselves. They spoke in whatever tone was most comfortable, and not to posture their masculinity. Again like I said earlier, in the 80s and 90s dads were usually just light hearted, funny, goofy type of guys, even the deadbeat dad types weren’t doing this new thing these guys in their 30s are doing. This new persona of the ALPHA-male. I just don’t understand where it came from because I guarantee their dads weren’t acting like this.
I also think it has a relation to the rise in White Nationalism because from what I’ve noticed, there’s all these guys down South that are doing this too, and idk if it’s always been a thing or not, but they keep moving the goalpost for what a real man is, and all these men are getting more toxic, and more wife-beater-ish. It’s almost like getting to the point of you don’t beat your wife and kids, you’re not a real man, and eventually it’s gonna become if you don’t own some slaves of a different race secretly, you’re not a real man bro.
I honestly never experienced it and have always been somewhat of a goofy xennial male myself, but now I’m a Sissie Beta Male, and they are so much more masculine than me, like they act like they’re the ones who invented Microsoft, and it wasn’t a Betamale Computer Nerd that did it in the 70s. But they don’t use computers because computers are too beta. They’re so manly they make $82 an hour doing some bullshit Union Construction Job, and they have their Trad Wife, and kids that eventually will probably suffer from narcissistic abuse.
Is this just a narcissist? Is this some type of conditioning that happened in the last 15 years from the internet? Are these guys just playing a fake role, faking masculinity, like a Gay Man that pretends to be straigh to their parents because they’re ashamed because they likely watch Gay porn, and are attracted to trans females like everyone else, that pretends they wouldn’t fuck a trans female if none of their family and friends found out?
I hate the Nate Jacob’s Character and men in their 30s constantly trying to establish dominance over me because I’m a Xennial and I’ve most likely accomplished more in life than them with less masculinity, but these guys consistently put on this stupid personality avatar, and I want to know why, and where it comes from because it wasn’t their father. Just like how Nate Jacob’s dad was less manly than him, and he lost respect for him, but then Nate Jacob’s is secretly attracted to a Transfemale, and in the closet. Are all these guys in the closet and faking Trad Life?
submitted by Slutmonkey_5283 to millenials [link] [comments]


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