TLDR: My flight was overbooked, so I was stressed about Delta not being able to get me to my destination and making me figure out a way to get there myself, as well as leaving me stranded for a night in NYC. A Delta supervisor then followed me after I was done speaking to her and walked away from her to harass me about how I should have nothing to complain about. They also sent my bag to the wrong country despite me warning them multiple times beforehand that it was mistagged and should not be going to that country at all, but they fully ignored my concerns and gave me false information until it was too late. Avoid delta at all costs.
On Thursday, May 16, 2024, I was scheduled to fly to Stockholm with a layover in JFK. I made it to JFK with no issues, four full hours before my next flight, which was DL 204 from JFK to ARN. Once the plane and gate agents had arrived, they started asking for volunteers to go on the next flight to Stockholm as they had overbooked the flight. Because I had no seat assignment, I became increasingly worried as it got closer to the scheduled departure time and the compensation amount kept going up, meaning they still needed more volunteers. Once everyone who had a seat assignment boarded, I asked the supervisor at the gate if they would be giving out any more seats. She said we would have to wait and see, to which I said “Okay, thank you.” A few minutes later, I went back to the desk to ask a different gate agent if I would get the compensation volunteers are getting if I end up not getting a seat, as pretty much everyone had boarded and I still did not have a seat. I asked her this politely from the other side of the desk she was sitting at. She refused to look up from her computer or even acknowledge that I was speaking to her, despite her clearly not being too busy to at least look at someone who is respectfully speaking to her and having heard me. I had witnessed her do this to multiple other customers who tried to politely ask her reasonable questions about the status of our flight. She refused to even look at any of us and smirked while ignoring us as if it was amusing to her. You learn when you are a toddler to look at someone when they are speaking to you and at least acknowledge their presence when they ask you a reasonable question. I calmly told her, “This is incredibly unprofessional, by the way,” at which point she started to argue with me. She claimed, “You asked my supervisor the same question and she already said she didn’t know, so I don’t have to answer you,” as the supervisor nodded in agreement. I told her, “You can still at least acknowledge when someone is speaking to you,” and walked away as I was already fed up. I had asked her a completely different question than I had asked the supervisor, and regardless, purposefully ignoring paying customers in this way is disrespectful and completely inappropriate. I was baffled as to how she acted this way in front of her supervisor and thought this was okay. But once I talked to the supervisor for longer than the 3 seconds I spent asking her that one question, it became clear to me why the gate agent acted this way.
Eventually, another gate agent told me I had been assigned a seat and that I could finally go and board the plane. Once I got down to my assigned seat, someone was already sitting there. She had volunteered earlier to give up her seat, but due to miscommunication within the team of Delta agents, she had been told to go back to her seat and that she no longer needed to volunteer. I went back to one of the agents, who I watched put me on the volunteer list without actually verbally telling me anything. I never actually said, “Yes, I want to volunteer.” I was told to go back up to the gate, so that the gate agents can help me rebook my flight. Once I got up there, I repeatedly told the agents that I needed to be in Stockholm by Saturday morning, and they reassured me each time that there were flights available for me to do so. One agent had found an itinerary for me, but then was told to go by the supervisor, as the supervisor apparently no longer needed as much help anymore since the overbooking situation had been figured out (at least in the supervisor’s eyes). As I stood at the desk trying to get someone to help me, the supervisor eventually told me to come over to her. At first, she told me there was an itinerary that she could book for me to be in Stockholm by Saturday morning. I asked her for the details, then she said that itinerary was no longer available, despite her having told me thirty seconds prior that it was. She then started helping a different customer, despite not having resolved my flight issue, and I watched her continue to help other people before returning to me. When she finally got back to me, she started barking alternate destinations at me, without giving me any time to process or look up if I would be able to get to Stockholm if I was sent to that alternate destination. She eventually said Amsterdam, and as I searched for transportation from Amsterdam to Stockholm, she told the person she was on the phone with, “I don’t know, she hasn’t responded to me,” while side-eyeing me. It had been less than a minute since she told me the alternate destination, and I had told her I needed a second to see if I would be able to make it to Stockholm with alternate transportation before giving her confirmation that I could be put on the flight to Amsterdam. Eventually, I was able to find a KLM flight that would get me to Stockholm from Amsterdam, which she was no help in helping me find. In fact, the other customers who had volunteered helped me figure this out, as they stayed with me for emotional support, even though their own situations had been figured out. As they saw that I was a stressed teenage girl that had been put in this situation, they empathized and showed me kindness, something the actual Delta employees refused to do. Once I saw that there were available seats on the KLM flight from AMS to ARN, I told the supervisor that I would take the flight to Amsterdam. Once this was confirmed, I asked if I was guaranteed a spot on this new flight, since I did not want to end up in the same situation. She told me with an aggressive tone “Once you are booked, you are guaranteed a seat.” Confused, I responded “I booked this original flight months ago, but did not get a seat on this flight.” This is when she raised her voice to yell at me, “No, you volunteered to give up your seat. If you really wanted to be on this flight, I would’ve told the other lady to get off.” I did not knowingly volunteer. I was put on the volunteer list without anyone asking me. To add on, when I saw they put me on the volunteer list, I was scared to say anything as one agent had already been argumentative with me and if I did not let them put me on the volunteer list, I would have gotten significantly less compensation and still not gotten a seat on the flight. I really had no other choice than to let them put me on the volunteer list (again, without actually asking me at any point), but the supervisor acted if I had made the decision on my own. I would’ve preferred to be on the original flight, but I never had that option. I then just replied, “Okay, thank you.” and walked away from her.
I would also like to add that throughout this entire interaction, she repeatedly told the other employees around her how much she did not want to be helping me anymore and how she just wanted to go get dinner. Further, the new flight to AMS was the following day, and she did not even attempt to help me get accommodation or transportation. As stated in Delta’s policies available on their website, if you are inconvenienced for greater than 4 hours and overnight away from your home or destination, Delta is meant to provide complimentary hotel accommodations or provide a voucher for accommodation, as well as providing transportation and vouchers for meals. I am a teenage girl that she left stranded in NYC for a night. Luckily, I knew someone in NYC that I was able to stay with, but had I not had that option, this would have been a horrible situation to put a teenage girl in. She did not care at all, and to her, rebooking my flight was good enough, despite it being the next day and to an entirely different country than my destination. Further, Delta is meant to rebook you on a flight or combination of flights to your original destination or next layover, which they did not do. I had no plans to be in Amsterdam, until Delta forced me to go there as they gave me no other viable option. Delta is also supposed to “provide notice explaining our obligations and the compensation you will receive if you are involuntarily denied boarding,” which the supervisor and gate agent(s) refused to do. I was deliberately ignored when I asked, as I described earlier.
After I had ended the conversation with the supervisor and walked away from her, the other customers/volunteers who were supporting me asked what my situation was now. I started to explain to them, “I have been put on a new flight to Amsterdam and booked a flight from Amsterdam to Stockholm, but I am still a little stressed because I don’t have an assigned seat on my new flight either. I might call Delta customer service later just to confirm that I will be able to get on this new flight.” As soon as the supervisor overheard that I may call customer service later, she stormed up to me, following me to where I was after I had walked away from her desk, to yell the following in my face: “Are you saying the customer service I provided wasn’t good enough? Are you not happy with the $7000 voucher?” I was grateful for the generous voucher, but still rightfully frustrated by the situation. I started trying to respond, telling her, “No, it’s fine, I just-” I was going to say that I was still just a little confused and stressed and wanted extra confirmation, but she cut me off. She raised her voice even further to say, “I’m not done. Let me finish.” At this point, I felt scared, as she clearly had no problem arguing with and berating customers, and I did not know how the situation may further escalate. This is when I told her, “Okay, bye,” and told her how unprofessional she was, as I walked/ran away from her as quickly as I could out of fear that she would follow me again to harass me further.
In addition to this, once the flight had left, I was also told that my bags had been taken off the plane and would be available for me to pick up at JFK’s baggage claim. When I arrived at baggage claim, they at first could not tell me where exactly my bags were, but told me to wait as they should be coming. After about 30 minutes of waiting for the bags to arrive at baggage claim, I went back to the Delta help desk at baggage claim, where they finally told me that my bags had been retagged and checked in to be put on my new flight to Amsterdam. When I tracked my bags online later that night (Thursday night), I saw that one of my bags, which was my main luggage with all of my clothes and toiletries, had been tagged to be on a KLM flight to Copenhagen after the flight to Amsterdam. I truly do not understand how or why this happened as I never had any plans to fly to Copenhagen. Once I noticed this, I called Delta customer service, as well as Delta’s baggage service department to tell them that it was tagged wrong and should not be going to Copenhagen. Both assured me that neither of my bags would go to Copenhagen and that I would be able to pick them up in Amsterdam. When I woke up Friday morning, I called again before my flight to Amsterdam to really make sure that my bag would not end up in Copenhagen. I also texted Delta’s baggage department and talked to a representative in person, who all reassured me that neither of my checked bags would end up in Copenhagen and that I would be able to pick up both of them when I land in Amsterdam. I get to Amsterdam on Saturday morning, and one of my bags comes out to baggage claim, which was the one that had been tagged properly, while my main luggage (that I warned Delta numerous times about having been mistagged) had arrived in Amsterdam but was immediately put on a plane to Copenhagen before I had even gotten to baggage claim. I was extremely frustrated because I knew this was going to happen, but Delta dismissed and ignored my concerns repeatedly until it was too late. A KLM employee was finally able to help me solve the problem Delta created by marking the bag to be delivered to my hotel in Stockholm. By Saturday night, my bag had been confirmed to have arrived in Stockholm. By Sunday afternoon, when my bag still had not been delivered to the hotel, I tried to contact Delta again, as they were still responsible for my bag, despite the KLM employee being the one that actually helped me. When I contacted them, Delta continuously made excuses saying it was probably too late to intercept the bag when I called earlier, which is why it ended up in Copenhagen, as well as saying that since the delayed baggage report was made on Saturday, they still were not in the wrong as it was only Sunday. One representative also hung up on me for saying “This is fucking ridiculous,” which it absolutely was. I understand that I probably shouldn’t have said fuck, but she kept making excuses and telling me information I knew was false, so I was entirely fed up, especially after the nightmare Delta had already put me through. To be clear, I had been calling Delta about their mistake since THURSDAY NIGHT when they still could’ve easily made sure it was tagged properly and/or intercepted the bag before it was sent to Copenhagen. Instead, they ignored me and lied to me because they were too lazy to even try to fix their mistake when they still could. My bag being sent to the wrong country was entirely preventable if Delta had actually cared to listen to me about my concerns.
Absolute worst travel experience I have EVER had. I have been taking at least 6 flights each year literally since birth and have never been treated so poorly by an airline, or any company ever for that matter. Truly don’t know how everything went so wrong and why Delta could not do a single thing right in this entire process. They continuously made things worse through their employees’ behavior and refusal to actually do something about their mistake(s).

Contest Rules For Best Song Of The Month • Updated May 19th, 2024

Click here to see summary of changes.

Best Song Of The Month Contest

Music Or Lose It hosts a monthly Best Song Of The Month contest at this musicorloseittv subreddit community. There is no cash or monetary value prize at this time. This contest is simply just for fun. Winners earn the enjoyment of being voted the best. Winners may cite the win in their biographies and social media posts.
The moderator (mod) is available to help music creators with the entry process, eligibility requirements, and deadlines. Music creators are allowed to contact the mod to ask questions about the contest anytime and mod will reply as soon as possible.
Definitions
Music creator: refers to a solo creator, band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo.
Brand identity: refers to how a creator presents themselves as an entertainer making music for the general public. For example, Simon & Garfunkel as a duo is one brand identity. Paul Simon solo is another brand identity.

Process & Deadlines

🟡 Round 1
1) Discovery ◦ Each month, moderator keeps track of songs shared at this musicorloseittv community.
2) Notifying Music Creators ◦ When a likely eligible song is seen, the u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creator of likely eligibility within the qualifying song’s post. The reply will indicate, “⏳ This song appears eligible for the Best Song Of The Month contest. Please provide the following information…” If the song is confirmed to be eligible by a mod, the mod will make a reply “🟨 This is confirmation notifying you that this song is eligible and in consideration for the Best Song Of The Month contest…” within the qualifying song’s post.
3) Determining Contestants ◦ The Music Fan man will evaluate all eligible songs by the month’s eligibility deadline. He will then at his discretion choose up to 5 songs to compete.
3) Finalists Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the top finalists (up to 5) in a post tiled “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year).” This announcement will be done in a post made 4 days before the final day of the month. The post will be made sometime in the morning. The songs will be listed within the post in a manner most representative of music diversity as determined by the musicorloseittv profile mod. All songs available on YouTube will be included in a playlist titled “Best Song Of The Month Contestants • (Insert Month & Year)” hosted by the musicorloseittv channel on YouTube. Songs not available on YouTube will be excluded from the playlist. The playlist will be mentioned in this post. The available playlist will help voters get familiar with the songs.
The u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creators of qualifying for the contest in their post of the song. The reply will indicate, “✅ Congratulations. Your song qualifies for the Best Song Of The Month contest…”
4) Voting ◦ The “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year)” post will specify a duration of 3 consecutive dates during which music fans can vote for only 1 of the top finalists. Voting occurs by the voters making a reply to the post in the following manner: “🗳️ I vote for….” Failing to vote in this manner will result in vote not being counted. To best ensure vote accuracy, voters must not use the “🗳️” emoji anywhere else in the post’s comments section. Music creators may vote for another music creator yet may not vote for themselves. For music creators, it’s “word of honor” voting. The top vote earning song within these three days will become the winner.
‣ Community moderator profiles musicorloseittv and onesongoftheday will abstain from voting. Also, themusicfanman and any special judge involved will also abstain from voting - unless they’re needed to serve as a tie breaker, in the event of a tie preventing a clear winner. If themusicfanman and any special judge involved are needed as a tie breaker, they must come to a consensus to achieve tie breaking. If no special judge is involved, then themusicfanman alone will serve as the tie breaker.
🟢 Winner Declaration!
Declaration Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, on the final day of the month, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the winner in a post tiled “Congratulations! 🎉 Best Song Of The Month Winner (Insert Month & Year)” in a post dedicated to celebrating the song. Using the sticky-post feature, the post will be prominently displayed the home page of the musicorloseittv subreddit community for ≈ 24 hours.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
My song “Song Title” won:
🏅Best Song Of The Month By Community Vote
(Insert Month & Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.
🏆 Song Of The Year
A similar Song Of The Year vote will occur in December. It will be similarly organized and scheduled to conclude on the final day of the year. To determine a Song Of The Year by the end of the year, December’s monthly contest will only be ≈ 2 weeks. Why? Because we need time to conclude The Song Of The Year vote by the end of the year. Additionally, this is a busy time of year for many people. What’s more, non-Christmas music released in December is typically overshadowed by Christmas music. It seems to be a bad idea to release new-original music in late December. See opinion commentary: The Best And Worst Months To Release Music.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
🏆 Best Song Of The Year By Community Vote
(Insert Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.

Eligibility

Here are the rules for the Best Song Of The Month contest organized by Music Or Lose It just for fun. The eligibility rules are intended to make this contest as fair as possible to the music creator participants.
**👤 Personal: **
Requirements:
✔️ Must be an actual human.
✔️ Must be 17 years of age or older.
✔️ Must be a music creator abiding by the rules of this musicorloseittv subreddit community.
✔️ Must be a music creator posting using either your personal profile or your brand profile as a music entertainer.
Ineligible:
🚫 Profiles run by publicists, music labels, or channels hosting performers.
🚫 People posing as other humans using imitation avatar type creations by artificial intelligence (AI).
**🗿 Music creator’s stature status: **
Eligible:
✔️ Unsigned amateur or unsigned professional yet lesser known.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with small to medium-sized record companies or seeming one-song-per-time type distributors.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with to a major label.
**📅 Release date: **
Eligible:
✔️ Your song must be published and accessible to the masses anytime between November 15^th of the prior year and 5 days before the final day of the current month.
**💽 Songwriting, singing, & recording: **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the copyright owner of the song (lyrics and sound recording) or authorized/licensed to perform the song by the copyright owner as the first original performer.
✔️ An exception is made if your song is an authorized/licensed remix or includes authorized/licensed interpolation or sampling content by the copyright owner in collaboration with any other amateur music creator(s) or unsigned professional yet lesser known music creator(s). The aforementioned release date also applies to any remix, interpolation, or sampling content.
✔️ Collaborations within the aforementioned rules are allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest by the lead. Lead refers to the first person named in the collaboration.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Songs written by artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Songs primarily generated artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Cover, parody, nor artificial intelligence (AI) imitation.
🚫 Songs likely to be very divisive for political or religious/anti-religious reasons.
🚫 Collaborations within deceased music creators akin to “Unforgettable” by Natalie Cole featuring Nat "King" Cole.
🚫 Interpolations, remixes, or samplings of a song by a creator signed to a record company of any size or signed to a one-song-per-time type distributor.
🚫 Song with hard cussing. No variations of F word, S word, C word, D word, N word (er or a), ahole word(s), or sexually vulgar words.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Songs primarily about brands. For example: “I Love Driving Such-And-Such Brand Name Trucks.”
**👂 Recording quality: **
Allowed:
✔️ Professional quality recordings (live or studio).
✔️ Amateur quality (including songs record in a bedroom, car, outdoors, etc…) yet reasonably pleasant sounding.
✔️ Demos are welcome.
Ineligible:
🚫 Live records with too much interfering audience noise.
🚫 Recordings with excessively poor sound quality (abrasive on the ears, difficult to hear).
**📏 Song length: **
Requirement:
✔️ Minimum of 01:15 minutes up to 10:00 minutes.
**💻 Distribution venues: **
Requirements:
✔️ A song published and accessible to the general public masses at a well-known music website such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp.
✔️ A song uploaded to a channel hosting live performances is allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest directly by the creator and so long as the creator confirms permission by the channel. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ The song’s upload date must be visible at the distribution venue website.
⚠️ If you enter this contest with a Spotify or TikTok URL link, ensure you’ve provided a link for the entire song (not a teasesampler) in a manner that does not require login; ensure the publish date is visible; and be weary of looping flashing visuals necessitating a “⚠️Possible Seizure Trigger Risk Warning.” Failing to do this will result in ineligibility.
Ineligible:
🚫 Login required to access the song.
🚫 Payment required to access the song.
🚫 Uploads of songs directly to Reddit.
🚫 Links not fully available to the public such as an “unlisted” YouTube video.
**🖼️ Song’s artwork: **
Definition: artwork refers to the image/drawing/photo/visuals accompanying your individual song at a music distribution venue such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp. It is sometimes referred to as “cover art.”
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s accompanying artwork.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of the artwork if you paid to have it made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish the artwork as part of the presentation of your song.
✔️ Artwork primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) is allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s artwork uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material content, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the content as part of your song’s public presentation. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the song’s accompanying artwork (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Parody notably displayed in the artwork.
🚫 Visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
**🎥 Song’s music video (optional): **
Including a link to a music video is optional.
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s music video visuals including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of all the video’s visuals if you paid to have them made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ Visuals (including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos) primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) are allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s accompanying music video uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons or “free” material, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the copyrighted material as part of your song’s public presentation within the accompanying music video. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the video (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
✔️ Allowed music videos include “Official Music Video,” “Live Performance,” “Dance Video Version,” “Animated Video,” or “Lyrics Video.”
✔️ If you opt for an “Animated Video” or a “Lyrics Video,” you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire an animator or use AI or an app/software designed to create music video lyrics, you must be authorized/licensed by the animator or AI source or app/software creator to publish the animation and/or lyrics as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ If you opt for a “Dance Video Version,” the dancing and/or choreography must be originally created for your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire a choreographer and/or dancers or collaborate for free or for barter, you must be authorized/licensed by the choreographer and/or dancers to publish the video’s dancing/choreography visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ “Official Audio” type music videos are allowed so long as an accompanying still image complies with the aforementioned “Song’s artwork” rules. Alternatively, if the “Official Audio” music videos has moving visuals, it must comply with these above-mentioned “Song’s music video” rules.
✔️ “Live Performance” music videos may be made from your home/cafield (pretty much anywhere decent and reasonable) or from one of your well-recorded performances from a show. Be sure to avoid copyright and trademark violations in the video.
⚠️ Brief uses of music distribution venue logos at the end or start of a music video may be allowed at mod’s discretion, when the intent is to inform the viewer of venue availability of the song. This is however discouraged unless the distribution venue, at their website, specifies this is allowed. Music videos that display any trademark logos (other than the music creator’s own copyrighted logo) entirely throughout are ineligible.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Notable use of virtual reality program recordings.
🚫 Notable use of filters from apps/websites similar to Snapchat.
🚫 Parody of intellectual property characters prominently displayed in the video.
🚫 Notably visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Notable display of brand products with visible logos including but not limited to toys, stuffed animals, autos, hats, T-Shirts.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Limitations on involving minors (under 18 yo): no minors doing dangerous stunts; no depictions of minors participating in drugs/drinking/smoking or very sexual behavior (including sexual dancing); do not prominently feature children that are not your own in the video (exception may be made if a relative only allows you to involve their children).
⚖️ Quantities:
Requirements:
✔️ One song per music creator’s brand identity.
✔️ If a music creator uploads more than one of their brands’ potentially eligible songs, the music creator must inform mod which song they prefer to be included in the contest.
✔️ A music creator may win this Song Of The Month contest up to three consecutive times. If this happens, thereafter the creator must abstain from the contest for the next month and then may return to the contest after that 1-month eligibility hiatus.
Ineligible:
🚫 Every collaboration will not automatically be considered a new brand. For example, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss collaborating one time should not be considered a brand. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss making an entire album together should be considered a brand. Music creators attempting to enter multiple songs under multiple brand names will be scrutinized. If there is no social media presence for any additional brands, their songs will likely be rejected as “also eligible” by mods. If this happens, the music creator will have to enter only 1 song.
**🖱️ Accounts you may post from: **
Requirements:
✔️ Your post must be made directly from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you have a medical condition necessitating aid, on your behalf, you may appoint a publicist, manager, caretaker, helper, spouse, partner, friend, guardian, or family member to post from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is from a band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo brand, the post must be made directly from either from one of the members’ personal Reddit account profiles or from your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is collaboration, the post must be made directly from either the lead’s personal Reddit account profile or from the lead’s brand Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you want another song to be a part of the contest from another brand identity you are involved with, the song must be posted by a Reddit account profile for that separate brand – or one of the brand collaborators’ personal Reddit account profile.
👩🏾‍🏫 Presentation at this musicorloseittv community:
Requirements:
✔️ You must post a link to the song at this musicorloseittv community by tapping “+” on smartphone or clicking “+Create a post” on desktop/laptop. You must select the “My Song” flair.
✔️ Your post must be done by the “Title & Link Share Only method.”
✔️ The song’s URL you provide must be of the standalone song upload - not part of a playlist URL link.
✔️ You may post an audio only upload URL link (such as an individual song published at SoundCloud or Bandcamp). Alternatively, you may post a music video link from a venue like YouTube.
✔️ You may include a smartlink for the individual song (not album or playlist) within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ You may title the post whatever you want within the community’s rules and the contest’s rules. Remember: no vague titles; limit post title emojis to no more than 2 (if you decide to use them); and don’t request feedback.
✔️ Your post title may be done in the style of “Entertainer - Song Tile” (or something similar). Alternatively, the post title may be more elaborate. For example: “This Is My Latest Song. It’s About A Wonderful Time I Fell In Love.”
✔️ In your posts’ body-text section or in a reply comment, optionally you may share details about the song that you feel the audience would enjoy knowing.
**📝 Needed information: **
Requirements:
✔️ Within either your posts’ body-text section or within a reply comment at your post, provide the following information – as is:
❇️ Contest entry for your consideration:
• Entertainer's Name - Song Title:
• Published on: [Insert date & year. Refers to date published at your URL link source]
• Genre:
• I am an independent creator unsigned I am signed to [insert label name]
• Interpolations/remixes/samplings disclosure: N/A this song contains authorized/licensed interpolations/remixes/samplings [specify] of another song released since 11/15 of the prior year in collaboration with other unsigned music creator(s)[specify]. The link to the original song is [insert URL link – publish date from URL link source must be visible].
• Al disclosure: N/A. A portion of this [song/artwork/music video] is created by Al. Explanation: [specify if this applies to song/artwork/music video].
• Copyright disclosure for song: I confirm I’m the copyright owner of all the contents of this song (lyrics and recording) as it is presented including the artwork [(if applicable) and music video]
Copyrighted content I am authorized/licensed to use commercially in the promotion of my song include: [insert details]
• [optional/voluntary] Confirmation of substantial human involvement: A real human substantially arranged/compose this music. [Note: This type disclosure is strongly encouraged by creators who use instrument sounds and beats from apps/software in substation of instruments played live at the time of recording. This is especially encouraged for music creators who do not show their face and/or don’t show themselves creating the music in a music video or behind the scenes video. For music fans opposed to music primarily created by AI, this type of disclosure can be helpful and assuring.]
• Lyrics: [insert URL link or embed URL link into “Lyrics” text] [note if the lyrics are available at the upload source] [only if you're the copyright owner of the lyrics, you may entirely include them] [type “vocalized” or “instrumental” if applicable]
Ineligible:
🚫 Uploads of songs to Reddit.
🚫 No engagement pleas disguised as feedback requests in post titles nor in your posts’ body-text section. No feedback requests.
**👨🏼‍⚖️ Copyright/trademark compliance: **
‣ Important note: Aforementioned rules already state you either must be the copyright owner of the content you enter for this contest or you must be authorized/licensed to commercially use the content by the copyright owner. Aforementioned rules already state you must disclose use of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material. Mods reserve the right to ask for additional proof for confirmation. Suspected violations will be removed at mod’s discretion. You are strongly encouraged to upload your best, newest, utmost original content.
‣ Resources:
U.S. Copyright Office, Copyright in General https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-general.html
What Musicians Should Know about Copyright by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/engage/musicians
U.S. Copyright Office Fair Use Index by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/fair-use
**🤝 Mutual Support **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be active in the musicorloseittv community regarding mutual support and engagement with other posts. You must post a comment reply to at least two other posts of any kind at the musicorloseittv community before the final day of the month. Failing to do so will result in disqualification.
Ineligible:
🚫 Posting then ghosting the community.
**😎👍 Encouraging fans to vote: **
Ineligible:
🚫 You are not allowed to ask for votes in anywhere in the musicorloseittv community’s comments section.
🚫 Music creators may not offer anything to anyone whatsoever in exchange for voting for them.
Allowed:
✔️ If you see a music fan has voted for you, you may thank them in a reply comment.
✔️ You may make social media posts at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads or your YouTube channel’s Community feed to encourage your fans to join this musicorloseittv subreddit community and vote for your song.
Example post:
My song “Song Title” is a finalist for Best Song Of The Month at the musicorloseittv community at Reddit. At [insert URL link] please vote for me and my song. Thank you.
**📜 Rules adherence: **
‣ Important note: If you are new to the musicorloseittv community as either a music fan voting or music creator entering the contest, latitude may be given as you get familiar here. It’s up to mod’s discretion.
‣ Important note: This contest is just for fun. Likewise playing boardgames or cards with friends is also just for fun yet people expect rules to be followed.
**🕊️ Truthfulness: **
Requirements:
✔️ Contestants and voters are expected to behave honorably and ethically.
Ineligible:
🚫 If anyone is ever discovered cheating or being dishonest akin to author James Frey or music entertainers Milli Vanilli, they will be disqualified and also likely be banned from this community.
Additional Info
If you do not want to be in the contest yet want to continue sharing your songs in this community, it is totally ok. Please inform the moderator. A “Message the mods” option is at the homepage.
In circumstances where uncertainty arises due to an unforeseen issue not addressed here in this outline of rules, moderators reserve the right to approve or disapprove eligibility. Moderators reserve the right to disqualify any song for any reason. Unfortunately, not every contest can perfectly satisfy all participant hopefuls.
Just do your best, don’t take it too seriously, and have fun.
Thank you.
END

I posted this in /tirzepatidecompound too, but just wanted to share here, too!
I was incredibly nervous - not so much for the side effects, as like, going into anaphylactic shock or having an adverse reaction (not a founded fear - just my brain running down the rabbit hole). My provider came to my house and showed me how to do everything, did it with me, and chuckled kindheartedly when I told her my fears. She herself lost 50 lbs with compound and has maintained that loss for a year, and assured me that I will most likely have minimal side effects if any, and if for some reason I do have a reaction: "take a Benedryl, call me, we will monitor together, and most importantly, don't panic!" Side note - I am doing this for weight loss, but I have had the suspicion for a few years that I have PCOS and/or IR.
I've been to three doctors, all of whom l've liked a lot and have done their best to be helpful but ultimately have had no answers. I showed my provider my most recent lab work, from December, when she came over tonight. She took one look and said, you have BOTH PCOS AND IR and I started crying because I felt so validated. She was like, I'm glad I looked at these labs, because you know your body and just because a doctor tells you there's nothing wrong doesn't mean that's the truth. I hugged her, for sure.
Anyway - it's been about an hour, I'm still pretty anxious, but l've had some water and been keeping busy. I have OCD and anxiety, and I'm worried this drug will exacerbate both. If anyone has experience with that...let me know?

I was incredibly nervous - not so much for the side effects, as like, going into anaphylactic shock or having an adverse reaction (not a founded fear - just my brain running down the rabbit hole). My provider came to my house and showed me how to do everything, did it with me, and chuckled kindheartedly when I told her my fears. She herself lost 50 lbs with compound and has maintained that loss for a year, and assured me that I will most likely have minimal side effects if any, and if for some reason I do have a reaction: “take a Benedryl, call me, we will monitor together, and most importantly, don’t panic!”
Side note - I am doing this for weight loss, but I have had the suspicion for a few years that I have PCOS and/or IR. I’ve been to three doctors, all of whom I’ve liked a lot and have done their best to be helpful but ultimately have had no answers. I showed my provider my most recent lab work, from December, when she came over tonight. She took one look and said, you have BOTH PCOS AND IR and I started crying because I felt so validated. She was like, I’m glad I looked at these labs, because you know your body and just because a doctor tells you there’s nothing wrong doesn’t mean that’s the truth. I hugged her, for sure.
Anyway - it’s been about an hour, I’m still pretty anxious, but I’ve had some water and been keeping busy. I have OCD and anxiety, and I’m worried this drug will exacerbate both. If anyone has experience with that…let me know?

I know this is pretty early, but screw it. The WarGames match for the women will likely be on Raw because 1. There is no obvious feud for the women on SmackDown and 2. The Bloodline story will likely lead into WarGames for that brand anyway.
Damage CTRL is on Raw, and if there is a WarGames match this year, of course they would be involved. They’re the only female faction, and they’ve had main-event level feuds with basically all of the top names. But they’ve also confronted Rhea recently, with her and Iyo specifically staring each other down leading into Mania.
Now, they’re stepping to Becky and have teased problems with Liv as well. Lyra Valkyria is also tied into this, having eliminated Dakota in the first round of QOTR, and coming to Becky’s aid for two weeks straight.
When Rhea comes back, it’s only natural that she’s gonna eventually cross paths with Damage CTRL. I think they have potential to include all of these women in a big story heading into Survivor Series.
My theory is that Damage CTRL will be the dastardly heels that they are throughout this year, but they’re gonna continue targeting Becky and Lyra. This makes a common enemy for Liv and Damage CTRL. In the most recent episode of Raw, Liv attacked Becky after Damage CTRL attacked her, and it got me thinking that it could be possible for Liv to become friendly with them all, although I don’t see her fully joining them. It almost looked like Damage CTRL was nodding Liv on after the attack. So they can be buddy-buddy for a while, making Becky’s life hell. Lyra can also have little scuffles with Liv because she’s loyal to Becky.
However, I’m a little unsure about when to give the title to Liv. It could happen in Saudi, but I don’t really know if that’s the right crowd. Plus, I have a weird feeling that she won’t get the title until SummerSlam. How this could work is Liv loses in some kind of screwy way in Saudi that takes her out of the title picture briefly, while Becky can defend against people like Lyra, and maybe Dakota gets a crack. But Iyo is likely to win QOTR, so this could lead into a match for the title at SummerSlam. But Liv gets under Becky’s skin in the weeks leading up to the show. So, Becky is compelled to add Liv to the match and it becomes a Triple Threat. Damage CTRL is understandably pissed off. But Liv assures them that Iyo will get the first crack if she wins.
Liv wins the match by capitalizing at the last second. But it’s fine enough, because Iyo still has that guaranteed title match.
Enter: Rhea Ripley.
This goes pretty much like you’d expect. She wins that title back ASAP, likely in Berlin. How this match could work is in the match, Rhea hits a Riptide, and Liv kicks out. Liv can hit an Oblivion, but Rhea kicks out. Toward the end of the match, Rhea hits a second Riptide, but does so sloppily because she’s fatigued from the match and her injured shoulder starts to hurt. Rhea fails to make the cover, and Liv rolls over to the ropes and uses them to pull herself up. Rhea looks over, her face a mix of annoyance, confusion, and pity (like Thanos to Cap in Infinity War). She walks over to Liv, grabs her face and starts insulting her. “Stay down.” “You’re dead to me.” “This is my division.” Liv can slap her, spit at her, flip her off, or something else that conveys defiance. I had Omega vs Ospreay and Michaels vs Taker on the brain when I came up with this. Similarly, Rhea can headbutt Liv (who will sell it like death) and hit a third and final Riptide for the win. So Rhea retains, but Liv still shows an undeniable, never-say-die spirit. On the following Raw, Rhea can cut a celebratory promo that also gives Liv her flowers to some extent. This promo also makes it clear that Rhea is now a face.
Liv is pissed that she lost, but Damage CTRL is pissed that Iyo didn’t get the match she was owed. Around this time, Damage CTRL will have had a few run-ins with Rhea, and this heats up a bit after she wins the title because they still believe Iyo is owed a match. Liv apologizes and explains that she was blinded by getting revenge on Rhea, and simply forgot about the promise. They give her a hard time about this for a while until they turn on her on an episode of Raw. Then, Rhea comes out and makes the save. She tries to take Liv’s hand, but she refuses. Rhea’s reasoning is that she gained respect for Liv after their match. She says that being out gave her a lot of time to think, but seeing Liv for the first time in months made her go blind with rage. But their match gave her clarity again. Even though she was the better woman in Berlin, she gained respect for Liv and realized that they’re both the same.
In the following weeks, Liv makes it clear that she doesn’t want or need Rhea’s help, and that she still hates her. Rhea has betrayed her to join Judgement Day, crushed her WrestleMania dreams by eliminating her from the 2023 Royal Rumble, took six months off of her career, then takes her title away after having the gall to blame Liv for the bed that she (Rhea) has made herself. Then, she comes out and saves “poor little Liv” as if none of these issues ever happened. Liv explains that her and Rhea are not the same, and that she still hates her.
Meanwhile, Becky and Lyra try to mind their own business but keep running into issues with Kairi and Asuka. Also, Dakota starts to show interest in the Rhea’s title, even though Iyo is the one that is owed a match.
On one hand, imagine being Rhea. Imagine trying to turn over a new leaf, but your enemy wants to dwell on the past. But can you blame Liv for being angry with Rhea? Can you also blame her for being angry with the fans for turning on her?
And now because Rhea has inserted herself into Damage CTRL business, she’s a part of this overarching storyline. They’re constantly attacking her and catching her off guard. Mind you, Judgement Day is no longer around. Rhea and Dominik aren’t together anymore either. And on top of Liv not wanting anything to do with her, neither do Becky and Lyra. All three of these women have history with Rhea, and it’s not good. Rhea is trying to rally the troops but they’re not having it. So, Rhea is all alone.
There will likely be a title defense or two against Iyo and/or Dakota in the following couple of months. Unfortunately, I’m not sure what the schedule is gonna be for the PLEs later this year.
These will be successful defenses that Damage CTRL can’t let go of. So, they’re still giving all of these women trouble. And the other faces are saying that this is karma for all of the bad things that Rhea has done to others. And Rhea has to accept the fact that they’re right. But a few weeks out from Survivor Series, an episode of Raw’s main story is that Damage CTRL is hunting the faces. Throughout the show, they attack Liv, Becky and Lyra. At the end of the night, Rhea gets ambushed after a match. Then, the faces all come out and make the save.
This is a very uneasy alliance. Remember, Becky and Liv don’t like each other. Rhea and Liv don’t like each other. Rhea and Becky don’t like each other. Liv and Lyra don’t like each other. Even Rhea and Lyra don’t like each other going back to their run-ins in NXT. But the main story here is that Rhea has to confront the ghosts of her past while leading the charge through such a rocky road.
Instead of a typical rah-rah speech that the faces give before WarGames, the promo between these four women largely consists of Rhea being chewed out. But in the end, Damage CTRL is their main focus, and WarGames commence. The faces ultimately win and water is mostly thrown under the bridge among the faces. And from here, the Damage CTRL split is officially underway.
I think this idea works because like I said, there is no obvious match for the women on SmackDown. Plus, I can’t really see any other top faces on Raw being involved in this storyline outside of the ones I named. Plus, I think it would be interesting to see Rhea’s character develop as she suffers the consequences of her past. I understand that she’s popular, but I can’t get behind her returning as mega-face and getting ‘revenge’ on Liv. The promo she cut where she was playing the victim just rubbed me the wrong way, because Liv was the real victim. But I think this story is a nice way to address that, as well as her history with Becky and Lyra, while still keeping Rhea on top of the division. This also gives Rhea and Becky— two top names— a noteworthy program to be in, and it recruits Liv, who doesn’t always get big opportunities like this. It also puts Lyra on the map even more by being in such a high-profile feud in her rookie year.
Sometimes I think the characters lack depth and that’s what I’m trying to remedy. Make us feel something. These are characters at the end of the day. No different than your favorite one-hour drama.
I will admit that it’s a bit of a risk because Asuka and Rhea are both injured right now. As I said, I know this is very early. But I don’t think either of them are gonna be gone for too long. So I think that this idea could work. In my opinion, this is a rather compelling storyline, and the women’s division is in desperate need of storyline with more substance than just wanting a title. Of course The Bloodline will always and forever take priority, but there’s no excuse for there not to be other captivating stories across the board.
I’d appreciate any feedback.
Tl;dr- WarGames: Rhea, Liv, Becky, Lyra vs Damage CTRL.

Hi!
My boyfriend (28) of 7 months is the best partner I could ask for. He is smart, funny, respectful, loving, and so much more. I am deeply in love with him and we have a wonderful relationship overall. We don't usually argue but when we do is about jealousy. Now, we don't argue using insults, raising our voices, or screaming at each other, but we shut down which eventually ruins part of the day. I will take responsibility and say that I am the one who gets jealous. There is a big reason (it's still not justifiable) why I am reaping insecurity and it is because one of his best friends keeps provoking a reaction from me in a joking manner. For example, he always jokes around that my boyfriend is with someone else. His best friend also brings my boyfriend's long-term ex up from time to time (which my boyfriend still follows on social media) and eventually says that I am better than her. The latter part is a compliment but I feel uncomfortable that his best friend brings her name up. Not long ago, I told my boyfriend that his speaking about his ex (which was on a rare basis) made me uncomfortable and he validated my feelings. My boyfriend hasn't seen much of what his best friend says but I've told him and he assures me that the behavior is unacceptable and that he loves me.
We also had a karaoke party yesterday in which I got angry with my boyfriend because after singing a breakup song, he commented, "for you, mean woman!" I left the room which people did notice and spoke to him outside but my mood completely changed. He told me that it was just something they say when they hear breakup songs. I love him and want this to work out, but I'm afraid I'm the bad one in the relationship. I have taken the first step to improve my best version and that is to go to therapy.

.o, before i start this story. i love my girlfriend more than i can express. the words that can describe my affinity for this girl simply aren't in any vocabulary. i don't want to break up with her, and i'm scared of losing out on being with the best version of her in the future if i leave.
we broke up about a year and a month ago due to mental health issues on both our ends, then got back together in june-july of 2023. we had a rocky start (she went to hang out with her ex even though i asked her not to), but besides that things were going great for about 7 months.
then my girlfriend (who we'll call S) started acting weird in march. she talked to me less, ignored me if i was talking to her, started smoking all of our 🌱 stash (despite me telling her that i can't afford for her to do that), decided to take a 2-week trip out of the country without talking to me first (more on that in paragraph 4), stopped planning dates (leaves it up to me now), and i've begged her to buy or pick flowers for me for EIGHT MONTHS NOW but she never does. i feel unimportant to her, like i'm just a ghost. some white noise in her background. and she assures me that i'm important, that she still loves me, but she doesn't show it. our romance is dead and so is our sex life unless i initiate first (maybe 1-3x a month, if at all). she never touches me intimately unless it's to annoy me when we're playing around, and i feel like i'm not sexy and she doesn't find me sexy or attractive either. i feel like i'm an item that is used for only one purpose, and it's to fulfill her needs. but my needs aren't being met because she never communicates, plans, or takes initiative unless it benefits or is about her.
i'm really tired. she left for peru 3 days ago and i haven't slept because i just toss about if she's not next to me, yet she's telling me she's slept fine during her trip so far. i have a lot of health issues so i'm scared of being alone this much for so long. maybe i'm just delusional. but i don't think i'd be sobbing my eyes out typing a vent essay/advice request as a last-ditch effort to save what comfort i have left in my relationship.
please help me. i love her so much and i don't want to lose out on our future together just because i feel too weak to carry this part of our relationship.

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans, as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
[ First / Previous ]

I'm a young man, raised religious, and married to my best friend for a few years. I have struggled with porn/masturbation addiction on and off throughout the years (usually as a way to cope with on/off depression). I have had stints where I didn't partake, once when I was with a girlfriend I had in/post college of 3 years where we were very sexually compatible and once when I was single and recommitting my life to our higher diety.
When I met my current parter, we we're both practicing celibacy and had committed to being better in our religious practice. we were also leaders in church and had a lot in common. Our mutual interests brought us together and made us very close. I think I was very much overjoyed to find a partner who was someone I felt connected to that would fit well into my family and the life I aspired to have religiously. she was morally a good person, and a good friend, liked to have fun, and I was attracted to her. we did our best to hold to the celibacy but we ended up doing hand stuff basically ahead of marriage. Admist that we'd grow closer and i eventually proposed because we'd been talking about it and I was convinced it was something i wanted. Just around the proposal time I'd resumed using porn, with the pandemic hitting I basically had to make a lot of sacrifices to be with our families and move away from where we lived and put some of my career aspirations on pause (my main passion is art and I actively work to grow a career in that along side my 9-5, with some momentum building and success, and I take my daily practice very seriously).
We talked a lot about the art and how it could potentially interfare with my attention/love for her. I assured her that I'm not overly consumed by my dreams to the point that I wouldn't chose her over my dreams and that'd while i have to take my goals seriously I was always going to also make her a priority. I proved that through the move, and putting a lot of my work on pause for her and happily spending time with her and the family. Admittedly it was easy because the whole world was on pause. In this time period in moments when I'd be alone I'd sneak in moments of gratification with pornography - and thoughts about the partner i had in/post college would come back in my mind. That girl was one that was very different from my current partner in terms of interests - on paper we would've wanted to lead very different lives and had different interests... but the sex was so good. We constantly had sex and really enjoyed it. Even when we broke up we tried to discuss some sort of path forward and casual sex was on the table and we openly admitted how much we enjoyed each other. She was a good friend, but couldn't really be my best friend because our interests were just so far apart. I still find myself thinking about her today and I would think about her every year since i broke up with her (well before I met my current partner) and I still do...
this previous partner had broken up with me because she didn't see a path where I was intending on being with her long term marriage wise - like we'd never even discussed it after 3.5 years of being together and we both had big career decisions ahead of us that would've required a solid foundation. Long story short I stopped communicating with her after that break up as I thought it best since it hurt my pride but also woke me up that I didn't love her enough to marry her.
fast forward to my wedding day and my partner and i, after upholding our celibacy mostly, we had sex and I didn't enjoy and she didn't either. she's smaller than my previous partner, and while I do try to be gentle in my approach because i really do love having sex and pleasing my partners, it took a while and a lot of different medical aides for her to be able to enjoy sex with me. additionally, the sex just didn't feel gratifying to me the first time we had it, and while it has improved from time to time, after three years I still am left wishing we were more sexually compatible.. i don't have the same enthusiam I did with my in/post college partner.. I'd had other partners aside from this college partner but i often think back to being with the person and how good the sex was.
I know the dissatisfaction in our day-to-day isn't only on my side. She's expressed to me how she isn't getting "enough of me". My depression has only gotten worse in marriage, things that i feel have triggered it outside of the already described dillemma are having to deal with working a 9-5 I don't enjoy while trying my best to grow my art practice into a career of it's own. It takes work, dillegence, focus, and daily practice. But my partner doesn't seem to really understand what it takes. At first she'd be upset that i wasn't willing to spend time with her every day like I do my art. so i began to make sure we had tv time, went out for food, movies, i'd never miss a hangout she wanted me to accompany her to when her friends want to double date. I'd arrange hangouts. She expressed interest in finding her own art passion so I guided her through it, and tried ot show her how valuable having something for yourself to get lost in and do daily can be. She became a bit more understanding after finding her own new passion. But because my depression has gotten worse, and I'm not enjoying our intimacy time, she complains that she still feels mostly distant from me - and I always try to make changes to help. She has been trying to suggest maybe I'm striving too hard in my craft because "clearly I'm still unhappy" and suggests that there's more to life. We got a cat, I've tried to ease up, spend more time with them, clean around the house more, go on long vacations where it's just the two of us. She has always said her passion and goal is to travel more. I think it's a cool idea but I'm also considering the cost, and time, when every day counts toward my craft.. and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I tell her "hey i'm going to go to the cafe and work on art by myself" or "can we just have some downtime to work on art" because every day is filled with exploration and activities and it's exhausting.. We had this one event where an artist i was excited for was supposed to perform - but because we're abroad we didn't know that clubs in the area closed super late, and she wasn't feeling the event and wanted to go home, I wanted so badly to stay and just enjoy the whole night and was really bummed we had to go... I just feel this tension like I can't enjoy/explore life and my art the way I want to with her around... I always feel like I'm looking for every opportunity to escape to be free and be myself... and all I want to do just be alone.. which is why I'm writing here.
I am really unsure what to do.. we don't have kids but we talk about it a lot just to make sure it's something we want to do. I absolutely don't want to get in too deep with this.. I really do love her and if the sex was better (because it seems to be really important to my head person (my brain)) I think I'd be a bit more motivated but I'm just not happy unless I'm either fully exploring enjoying my craft and/or sexually satisfied. I feel like i'm feeding my void with more porn and it's actually making me more depressed and holding me back... but I don't feel like my partner is helping right now either.. We've had rounds of counseling, and are always trying to have sex and I make sure I please her and myself every time, she tries too, but it just hasn't been enough for me.

I've posted about a year ago regarding my then 7th month old scratching his head and hurting himself in the process. You can find the old post here: https://www.reddit.com/Parenting/comments/139ip9z/baby_wont_stop_scratching_his_head_until_it_bleads/
Recently I've had 3 different parents that have found the post and were in the same situation, inboxing for an update/solution, so I decided to make an update post in case more parents are looking for answers. Sorry I took so long. I know the despair you feel. I assure you it will get better if you persevere. This is an extremely long post, so I have bolded the several topics, in case you don't want to read everything, so they are easier to find.
To update on my son's situation: He's now 1y and 7 months. He is allergic to milk and he has a combination of cradle cap and eczema. In addition to this, he was also born with Hydronephrosis (enlarged kidneys) which means he is limited in the medication that he's allowed to take (no ipobrufren, as an example)
The Cradle Cap situation has improved by itself, mainly by just carrying on with what we were doing. We use the Frida Flake Fixer treatment and a cradle cap shampoo (Dentinox). We've also been advised not to wash his head every day, leave it 1 or 2 days (one doctor even said once a week). For the cuts, the best thing was indeed a Vaseline barrier to help the raw skin heal. Even though it definitely stinks, the healing is the most important part. I would put Vaseline on his scalp the day before a bath, do the treatment with the Frida Brush and then I would rub a Baby Scalp Oil (Colief) to soften the flakes on the day after the bath; I would put Vaseline on the scalp the next day and he would take a bath the next day, rinse and repeat, until the cuts were healed, and I could ditch the Vaseline step. If the cut was deep I would sometimes apply Sudocream only at night after a bath and the Vaseline was removed and he'd fallen asleep so he wouldn't take it off. He still slept with mittens inside his cuffed babygrow, but he always managed to get one or two fingers out, I kid you not when I say, that sometimes I would sleep holding his hand to prevent him from scratching his head when the wounds here at it's worst. All of these steps have contributed to has improved the cradle cap lot and eventually disappeared in about a month's time. He's going trough a second outbreak now, a year later, but no where near as bad as it was then, he's not scratching himself to death.
The Eczema situation. Right....... this situation has improved for a few good 7-8 months with the Aveeno Baby Dermexa Emollient Cream. I would use it 3 times a day or more to fight of dry skin. The areas where the skin folded were the worst. Arm folds, neck folds, behind the knees, there the eczema would install and spread, That could only be controlled an Hydrocortisoid Cream, 1% w/w. It did eventually disappeared save for one spot -- just behind the right knee. He developed a habit of scratching it with his left foot. But, lets put the Eczema situation on hold for a moment, while we talk about:
The Milk Allergy situation.... Oh Boy..... this is about to get very long.....
In my previous post made at the beginning of May 2023, I stated that my son had been to the A&E (a week before the post) for an allergic reaction to porridge, so he would either be allergic to Milk and/or Gluten. We were told a referral was done to our GP for a visit by an allergy team who would walk us through to process of slowly introducing allergens so that my son would hopefully be able to safely be exposed to them in the future and advised to "only feed him vegetables and fruit". We were given an "prescription" for an antihistamine to continue the treatment and to use as an SOS in case of another allergic reaction in the future. No allergy tests were done for my son at all.
We were told that, it would take a couple of weeks before we were contacted by the allergy team and to contact the GP after two weeks if we hadn't heard from them. We waited a month and nothing. At the end of May, I went to our GP to ask for updates on this situation. Imagine my shock when the GP told me that they didn't even have ANY information about my son being in the A&E. They've spent 1h contacting the hospital to get the paperwork from the A&E that SHOULD have been sent to our GP. In said paperwork, it states that the hospital would like the GP to sort out the allergy appointment. So, no allergy appointment had been made for an entire month and if I hadn't enquired about this situation, the GP would have had no clue about the need to make one because they didn't have the necessary paperwork! I was given an apology and scheduled an "assessment appointment" 2 days later. I enquired about an Antihistamine prescription, since my son was gonna start nursery in a couple of weeks when my maternity leave would end and I needed to provide a bottle for them in case of an allergic reaction, because we still didn't know what my son was allergic to.... Lo and behold, when the GP staff looks at the hospital paperwork, it was stated that no more antihistaminic was necessary, against what we were advised, as we should have one antihistamine as SOS, I had to press the GP to provide us with an prescription (which the lady was very quick to do after seeing me ready to implode regarding this absolute incompetence) so the nursery could have one antihistamine with themselves as we couldn't keep juggling our bottle back and forth with them.
The assessment appointment which basically consisted in 5 mins of asking for details about the allergic reaction, all of which was written in A&E's paperwork and only then being referred to a dietitian's team. I was given no ETA, no info about where it would be, no contact that I could call to at least be put on a waiting list in case of a cancellation, nothing. I was only asked to wait and when confronted, the practitioner admitted that this appointment COULD have been made straight in the hospital's A&E, instead of this ridiculous and time wasting bureaucratic football between the Hospital and the GP.
You might think this was the end of the miscommunication and incompetence.... Oh oh But no,.. of course not!! I waited another month of silence. At the end of June I called the hospital's appointment hotline enquiring about my son's appointment, only to be told that he doesn't have one because a referral hadn't been made yet! I was fuming!! I immediately called the GP who have assured me that a referral has been sent to the hospital's Paediatric and gave me it's referral number and they would enquire....
If you are in the UK like I am and you see that your baby/child is being ignored by your GP / Hospital and not getting the appropriate care, then do as I did and contact PALS near your area. That was the best piece of advice that I have received from people at my local breastfeeding group, and if being a mother has taught me anything, is that sometimes, you will have to be a momma bear (aka Karen to the eyes of the target) and advocate for your child. I work in retail, I despise Karens and I have no wish to be one, I am usually a pushover. But I will not allow anyone to trample on my son's health. And while I do have respect for the NHS, seeing has my brother in law works there, I know damn well, by his own words, that the main problem is not the lack of funds, but the pockets where they go and the terrible disorganization.
At that point I had enough of excuses and I made a complaint to PALS about both the GP and the Hospital. My son was almost 9months and still breastfeeding but eating mostly Vegetables and Fruit as solid food as per A&E'S guidelines, delaying his weaning and feeding development and causing stress with the nursery and our family as we didn't know what he was allergic to and couldn't move on to full meals. I flat out asked them if they were intent on my son completing an entire year of life being fed only Vegetables and Fruit besides breastmilk, and called them out because an 8 month baby should not be put on the back burner over and over again due to the incredibly poor communication between these two organizations and have his health jeopardized. I demanded a resolution ASAP and forward this to the Paediatrician as I did not trust the hospital to be able clearly communicate between their departments and whom I suspected had not been told absolutely nothing regarding all this. Two days later the allergy team specialist rang me to personally and profusely apologise and take the situation under her control and give me her allergy guidelines which I should have been given since the beginning. I was still forced to wait until early July for a allergy test - Milk was found to be the culprit.
I still thank everything that I had enough perseverance to stick with breastfeeding and never, ever, though to look at formula. I tremble to think about the consequences, Even though I'm aware that dairy free formulas exist, me being a 1st time ignorant mother, chances were I could have picked a wrong one. Fortunately I produced more than enough milk and my son had a good latch. Also because my son was not making any allergic reactions to my milk, this meant there was a higher chance that he could grow out of his allergy, as he was still getting enzymes from the dairy that I consumed. From here on, food introduction was a breeze. He's a real foodie, he loves to eat and he loves to eat with us. Adapting our diet was a bit of work, as I have IBS and my husband is diabetic so there might be some foods that will be a trigger or might not be the most ideal to someone in our family, but we managed to strike a good balance. Vegan options do help and we are having fun exploring that.
The problems then came with the nursery. After letting them know that my son was allergic to milk and other things were fine, the cases of allergic reaction in the nursery stated to increase and he started getting very bad reactions. First we suspected cross contamination, then that he might be allergic to something else, but the foods they were saying he was allergic to made absolutely no sense as he was just fine having those at home. We came to the conclusion after several events in the softplay area - that involved no food at all - that the culprit might be their cleaning products and further pressed after two different members of staff said they themselves were allergic to that product - Milton. After several bickerings between us and the nursery and us visiting our origin country for Xmas where my son ate in 4 different household and 5 different restaurant with absolutely no allergy reaction (in comparing to the then daily cases of reaction on the 3 days that he stayed at nursery), we finally convinced the nursery to change their cleaning products - they are now using Sanell. In addiction to prevent cross contamination, my son was given his own high chair, that no other child uses. Happy to say the cases of allergy are nearly non-existent now. His recent blood results also came back with amazingly good improvements, so we got the thumbs up from the Allergy Team and the Paediatrician to start the milk ladder and slowly and gradually adding milk to his diet. Currently he's in stage one and having half a teaspoon of malted milk biscuit daily with no reaction. It will probably still be able two months until he can have a full biscuit, but I can't wait to see his smile when we get to this stage - he loves taking the little piece of my hand.
Because of the back and forth with the nursery and them insisting that the allergic reaction could be due to other foods, the allergy team at the hospital was more concerned with that than his Eczema situation. We had to insist about it, since we suspected the reactions might be Eczema instead, stating that I was still waiting for the promised skin specialist appointment since end of April last year. The lead Team Speciallist, again showed her amazing professionalism and chased up the situation and we finally got our appointment jointly with her and the skin specialist in January of this year. She gave us a few products to try but said that the Eczema situation was relatively controlled. The samples that she gave were:

• Dermol 500 Lotion - we still use this for his bath as a soap substitute
• Adex Gel - kind like an emollient cream, it was ok-ish
• Cetraben Cream - didn't seem to make any difference, but can also be used as a soap substitute so we'll give it a go after Dermol is finished
• Zerodearm Ointment - didn't seem to make any difference, but it has a Vaseline like quality to it, so might try again

About a week after the appointment, my Son had an mild outbreak of Eczema on his legs. We tried several combinations of above products that seemed to temporally control the situation but didn't complete solve it. In Early March of this year the Eczema appeared in his back. He has a huge red birthmark the size of my hand on his back, so that skin is very sensitive. He started to scratch and rub his back against things and it didn't took long to break the skin. It didn't bleed but it was oozing/weeping which would make the skin get stuck to his clothes and then get raw, so no treatment was going to work on that as it would slide off with the oozing/weeping. I despaired then as I had a year ago.
So I went back to the thing that worked last time - Vaseline. This time though, it was on a place that I couldn't exactly leave uncovered. My son was about to do some blood tests so hospital had given us numb cream to put on the inside of his elbows and some clear medical film. He had this done before and I remembered that the film had been resistant enough to keep the cream in and didn't hurt his skin, so I though, maybe I could apply the same theory. So I bought some clear medical film (Tegaderm Film), put a good chunk of Vaseline on the wound and sealed it with the film. I changed this twice or three times a day, depending if he was in the nursery or not. It worked like a charm and it allowed the skin to heal. For reference, the nursery manager, whose son suffers with really bad eczema has suggested me the AproDerm Ointment which also has a Vaseline consistency to it, but my son's situation cleared up before I had to use it.
The skin specialist by then had prescribed a treatment with another hydrocortisoid cream ( Daktacort 2% 1% w/w, needs to be kept refridgerated ) and an emollient cream - Epimax Oatmeal Cream. For the other patches of Eczema (that were not in wound), I would use Daktacord, once in the morning, once in the evening, and I would use Epimax to keep the skin moisturized along the day, whenever I would change a diaper. The skin specialist told us to keep using Daktacord twice a day for a week, then drop it to once a day on the following week, and then drop it to every other day on the week after. This has worked brilliantly and it solved all Eczema patches, including the stubborn one behind his right knee, We were able to drop the Daktacord and we now only use the Epimax emollient regularly about twice a day.
Thank you if you have read everything so far, I hope you have found something that could be of use to you. Happy to answer any questions that you might have, or if you're feeling desperate like I was and just need some reassurance, just drop me message!

I know a lot of people use kings hunting for example. Here is what I found
This is what Valmiki Ramayan says:
तस्मिन्निति सूखे काले धनुष्मानिषुमान रथी व्यायामकृतसंकल्प: सरयूमन्वगान्नदीम
' व्यायामकृतसंकल्प: ' means with the aim of exercise.
He says that it was a good day,hence i went to the banks of Sarayu River to do some exercise.
So one thing is clear,he was there to exercise,and not to hunt or kill any animal.
Now lets see what follows:
अथान्धकारेत्वश्रौष जले कुम्भस्य पूर्यत: अचक्षुर्विषये घोष वारणस्येवनर्दत:
It was dark at that time,i was not able to see clearly. Then i heard a voice of an animal,i thought its an elephant.
Now where is Hunting and Deer written here? Nowhere…its just TV serials show.
Kings used to catch and capture elephants for their army. Dashrath also wanted to capture that elephant,and he shot an arrow which by mistake hit Shravan Kumar. He had poisoned arrows which could make the elephant lose his senses,but it hit a human,who could not bear its poison.
This is what Ayodhyakand,Valmiki Ramayan says:
ततोअहम शरमुध्दत्य दीप्तमाशीविषोपमम शब्द प्रति गजप्रेप्सुरभिलक्ष्यमपातयम
तत्र वागुषसि व्यक्ता प्रादुरासीव्दनौकस: हां हेति पततस्तोये वाणाद्व्यथितमर्मण:
Dashrath says-”Then to get the elephant i shot a poisoned arrow.I heard a crying voice of a human from the direction in which i shot the arrow.”
So please start to read Valmiki Ramayan,don't waste your lives in lies and TV serials.
Thanks.
Next many people say that hinduism doesent allow or disallow meat.
Yes.
The Sanatana Dharma Teaches First That We should not Kill Animals Or Eat Any Type of Meat.
References -
Quotes that disapprove, even denounce, meat-eating
Rig Veda:
“One who partakes of human flesh, the flesh of a horse or of another animal, and deprives others of milk by slaughtering cows, O King, if such a fiend does not desist by other means, then you should not hesitate to cut off his head.”
Rig-veda (10.87.16)
Do the Vedic literature allow meat-eating? Did Hinduism adopt vegetarianism from Buddhism? - The Spiritual Scientist
Manu-Samhita:
“Meat can never be obtained without injury to living creatures, and injury to sentient beings is detrimental to the attainment of heavenly bliss; let him therefore shun the use of meat. Having well considered the disgusting origin of flesh and the cruelty of fettering and slaying corporeal beings, let him entirely abstain from eating flesh.”
(Manu-samhita 5.48-49) “He who permits the slaughter of an animal, he who cuts it up, he who kills it, he who buys or sells meat, he who cooks it, he who serves it up, and he who eats it, must all be considered as the slayers of the animal. There is no greater sinner than that man who though not worshiping the gods or the ancestors, seeks to increase the bulk of his own flesh by the flesh of other beings.” (Manu-samhita 5.51-52)
“If he has a strong desire (for meat) he may make an animal of clarified butter or one of flour (and eat that); but let him never seek to destroy an animal without a (lawful) reason. As many hairs as the slain beast has, so often indeed will he who killed it without a (lawful) reason suffer a violent death in future births.” (Manu-samhita 5.37-38)
“He who injures harmless creatures from a wish to give himself pleasure, never finds happiness in this life or the next.” (Manu-samhita 5.45)
“By subsisting on pure fruits and roots, and by eating food fit for ascetics in the forest, one does not gain so great a reward as by entirely avoiding the use of flesh. Me he [mam sah] will devour in the next world, whose flesh I eat in this life; the wise declare this to be the real meaning of the word ‘flesh’ [mam sah].” (Manu-samhita 5.54-55)
“He who does not seek to cause the sufferings of bonds and death to living creatures, (but) desires the good of all (beings), obtains endless bliss. He who does not injure any (creature) attains without an effort what he thinks of, what he undertakes, and what he fixes his mind on.” (Manu-samhita 5.46-47)
“By not killing any living being, one becomes fit for salvation.” (Manu-samhita 6.60)
Do the Vedic literature allow meat-eating? Did Hinduism adopt vegetarianism from Buddhism? - The Spiritual Scientist
Mahabharata

1. “He who desires to augment his own flesh by eating the flesh of other creatures, lives in misery in whatever species he may take his [next] birth.” (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.47)
   
2. “The purchaser of flesh performs violence by his wealth; he who eats flesh does so by enjoying its taste; the killer does violence by actually tying and killing the animal. Thus, there are three forms of killing. He who brings flesh or sends for it, he who cuts off the limbs of an animal, and he who purchases, sells, or cooks flesh and eats it–all these are to be considered meat-eaters.” (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.40)
   
3. “The sins generated by violence curtail the life of the perpetrator. Therefore, even those who are anxious for their own welfare should abstain from meat-eating.” (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.33)
   
4. Bhishma started, “Numberless discourses took place between the Rishis on this subject, O scion of Kuru’s race. Listen, O Yudhisthira, what their opinion was. (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.7)
   
5. “The highly wise seven celestial Rishis, the Valakshillyas, and those Rishis who drink the rays of the sun, all speak highly of abstention from meat.
   
6. The self-created Manu has said that the man who does not eat meat, or who does not kill living creatures, or who does not cause them to be killed, is a friend of all creatures. Such a man is incapable of being oppressed by any creature. He enjoys the confidence of all living beings. He always enjoys the praise of the pious. The virtuous Narada has said that that man who wishes to multiply his own flesh by eating the flesh of other creatures meets with disaster. (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.9-12)
   
7. “That man, who having eaten meat, gives it up afterwards wins merit by such a deed that is so great that a study of all the Vedas or a performance, O Bharata, of all the sacrifices [Vedic rituals], cannot give its like. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.16)
   
8. “That learned person who gives to all living creatures the gift of complete assurance is forsooth regarded as the giver of lifebreaths in this world. (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.18)
   
9. “Men gifted with intelligence and purified souls should always treat others as they themselves wish to be treated. It is seen that even those men who are endued with learning and who seek to acquire the greatest good in the shape of liberation, are not free of the fear of death. (Mahabharata, Anu. 115.20)
   
10. “What necessity be said of those innocent and healthy creatures gifted with love of life, when they are sought to be killed by sinful wretches living by slaughter? Therefore, O King, know that the discarding of meat is the highest refuge of religion, of the celestial region, and of happiness. Abstention of injury [to others] is the highest religion. It is, again, the highest penance. It is also the highest truth from which all duty emanates. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.21-23)
    
11. “Flesh cannot be had from grass or wood or stone. Unless a living creature is killed it cannot be procured. Hence is the fault of eating flesh. The celestials who live upon Svaha, Svadha, and nectar, are given to truth and sincerity. Those persons, however, who are for satisfying the sensation of taste, should be known as Rakshasas [flesh-eating demons] pervaded by the quality of Darkness. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.24-25)
    
12. “If there were nobody who ate flesh, then there would be nobody to slay living creatures. The man who slays living creatures kills them for the sake of the person who eats flesh. If flesh were not considered as food, there would then be no destruction of living creatures. It is for the sake of the eater that the destruction of living entities is carried on in the world. Since, O you of great splendor, the period of life is shortened by persons who kill living creatures or cause them to be killed, it is clear that the person who seeks his own good should give up meat altogether. Those dreadful persons who are engaged in the destruction of living beings never find protectors when they are in need. Such persons should always be molested and punished even as beast of prey. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.29-32)
    
13. “That man who seeks to multiply his own flesh by (eating) the flesh of others has to live in this world in great anxiety, and after death has to take birth in indifferent races and families. High Rishis given to the observance of vows and self-control have said that abstention from meat is worthy of praise, productive of fame and Heaven, and a great satisfaction itself. This I heard formerly, O son of Kunti, from Markandeya when that Rishi discoursed on the sins of eating flesh. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.34-36)
    
14. “He who purchases flesh, kills living creatures through his money. He who eats flesh, kills living beings through his eating. He who binds or seizes and actually kills living creatures is the slaughterer. These are the three sorts of slaughter through each of these acts. He who does not himself eat flesh but approves of an act of slaughter, becomes stained with the sin of slaughter. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.38-39)
    
15. “That wretched man who kills living creatures for the sake of those who would eat them commits great sin. The eater’s sin is not as great. That wretched man who, following the path of religious rites and sacrifices as laid down in the Vedas, would kill a living creature from a desire to eats its flesh, will certainly go to hell. That man who having eaten flesh abstains from it afterwards acquires great merit on account of such abstention from sin. He who arranges for obtaining flesh, he who approves of those arrangements, he who kills, he who buys or sells, he who cooks, and he who eats it, [acquire the sin of those who] are all considered as eaters of flesh. [Therefore] that man who wishes to avoid disaster should abstain from the meat of every living creature. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.44-48)
    

16 . “Listen to me, O king of kings, as I tell you this, O sinless one, there is absolute happiness in abstaining from meat, O king. He who practices severe austerities for a century, and he who abstains from meat, are both equally meritorious. This is my opinion. (Mahabharata, Anu.115.52-53)

1. “Yudhisthira said: Alas, those cruel men who, not caring for various other sorts of food, want only flesh, are really like great Rakshasas [meat-eating demons]. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.1)
   
2. “Bhishma said: That man who wishes to increase his own flesh by the meat of another living creature is such that there is none meaner and more cruel than he. In this world there is nothing that is dearer to a creature than his life. Hence, one should show mercy to the lives of others as he does to his own life. Forsooth, O son, flesh has its origin in the vital seed. There is great sin attached to its eating, as, indeed, there is merit in abstaining from it. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.11-13)
   
3. “There is nothing, O delighter of the Kurus, that is equal in point of merit, either in this world or in the next, to the practice of mercy to all living creatures. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.19)
   
4. “Hence a person of purified soul should be merciful to all living creatures. That man, O king, who abstains from every kind of meat from his birth forsooth, acquires a large space in the celestial region. They who eat the flesh of animals who are desirous of life, are themselves [later] eaten by the animals they eat. This is my opinion. Since he has eaten me, I shall eat him in return. This, O Bharata, forms the character as Mamsah [meaning flesh] of Mamsah [me he, or “me he” will eat for having eaten him]. The destroyer is always slain. After him the eater meets with the same fate. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.32-35)
   
5. “He who acts with hostility towards another becomes victim of similar deeds done by that other. Whatever acts one does in whatever bodies, he has to suffer the consequences thereof in those bodies. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.36-37)
   
6. “Abstention from cruelty is the highest Religion. Abstention from cruelty is the greatest self-restraint. Abstention from cruelty is the highest gift. Abstention from cruelty is the highest penance. Abstention from cruelty is the highest sacrifice. Abstention from cruelty is the highest power. Abstention from cruelty is the greatest friend. Abstention from cruelty is the greatest happiness. (Mahabharata, Anu.116.38-39)
   
7. “Gifts made in all sacrifices [rituals], ablutions performed in all sacred water, and the merit which one acquires from making all kinds of gifts mentioned in the scriptures, all these do not equal in merit abstention from cruelty.” (Mahabharata, Anu.116.40)
   

Do the Vedic literature allow meat-eating? Did Hinduism adopt vegetarianism from Buddhism? - The Spiritual Scientist
Bhagavata Purana:
“Those who are ignorant of real dharma and, though wicked and haughty, account themselves virtuous, kill animals without any feeling of remorse or fear of punishment. Further, in their next lives, such sinful persons will be eaten by the same creatures they have killed in this world.” (Bhagavata Purana 11.5.14)
The real purpose of a sacrifice was not to replace a slaughterhouse but to test a Vedic mantra by giving an animal new life. Animals were used to test the power of Vedic mantras, not for meat. - Srimad Bhagavatam 4.4.6 purport
Do the Vedic literature allow meat-eating? Did Hinduism adopt vegetarianism from Buddhism? - The Spiritual Scientist
Cow Sacrifice ? Not At All :
Besides References,Here’s What Supreme Lord Saying About Sacrifice -
CC Ādi 17.158 — As a learned scholar, the Kazi challenged Caitanya Mahāprabhu, “In Your Vedic scriptures there is an injunction for killing a cow. On the strength of this injunction, great sages performed sacrifices involving cow-killing.”
CC Ādi 17.159 — Refuting the Kazi’s statement, the Lord immediately replied, “The Vedas clearly enjoin that cows should not be killed. Therefore every Hindu, whoever he may be, avoids indulging in cow-killing.
CC Ādi 17.160 — “In the Vedas and Purāṇas there are injunctions declaring that if one can revive a living being, one can kill it for experimental purposes.
CC Ādi 17.161 — “Therefore the great sages sometimes killed old cows, and by chanting Vedic hymns they brought them back to life for perfection.
CC Ādi 17.162 — “The killing and rejuvenation of such old and invalid cows was not truly killing but an act of great benefit.
CC Ādi 17.163 — “Formerly there were powerful brāhmaṇas who could make such experiments using Vedic hymns, but now, because of the Kali-yuga, brāhmaṇas are not so powerful. Therefore the killing of cows and bulls for rejuvenation is forbidden.
—Ādi 17: The Pastimes of Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu in His Youth
Srila Prabhupada Says - So killing, killing is very bad, but killing for the sake of right cause of fighting, or killing in the sacrifice, they are not sinful. Sometimes in the Vedas killing is recommended, just like in the fight or in the sacrifice, but that is not sinful. Sometimes a brāhmaṇa is sacrificing, offering, performing great sacrifice, and the animal is put into the fire just to give him renovated, new life, not for killing, just to test how Vedic mantras are being properly pronounced. That will be test. When sacrifice is done, the fire is there, and old animal is put into the sacrifice, and he comes out with a new body. That means the Vedic mantras are being pronounced very properly, and it is being carried out. This is the experiment, not for killing. Although in the Vedas there are recommendation that paśu-vadha system... Just like in the modern age also, when some experiment is made, it is made on the life of the animal. But they are killed. But when there is recommendation of putting an animal in the fire, that is not for killing; that is to see that this animal has got a new body.
Lecture on BG 2.14 -- London, August 20, 1973
Pradyumna: Aśvamedha-yajñas or gomedha-yajñas, or the sacrifices in which a horse or a bull is sacrificed, were not, of course, for the purpose of killing the animals. Lord Caitanya said that such animalssacrificed on the altar of yajña were rejuvenated and a new life was given to them. It was just to prove the efficacy of the hymns of the Vedas. By recitation of the hymns of the Vedas in the proper way, certainly the performer gets relief from the reactions of sins. But in case of such sacrifices not properly done under expert management, certainly one has to become responsible for animal sacrifice."
Prabhupāda: This is a long subject matter. But the sacrifice in yajña, recommended, that is not for killing the animal, but it is a testing, how the Vedic mantras are being properly chanted. Because an oldanimal put into the fire, by Vedic mantras he would come out again with young life. That is sacrifice of animals in the yajña. Therefore in this age there is no such expert brāhmaṇa who can chant the mantras properly or he can behave because the life is very abominable. Therefore, because there is no expert brāhmaṇa, so these sacrifices are forbidden in this age. Kalau pañca vivarjayet aśvamedhaṁ gavālambhaṁ devareṇa sutotpattiṁ sannyāsam (CC Adi 17.164). These things are forbidden in this age, because there is no proper men to conduct.
Lecture on SB 1.8.52 -- Los Angeles, May 14, 1973
The purpose of the Vedas is to establish such principles under the order of the Supreme Lord, and the Lord directly orders, at the end of the Gītā, that the highest principle of religion is to surrender unto Him only, and nothing more. The Vedic principles push one towards complete surrender unto Him; and whenever such principles are disturbed by the demoniac, the Lord appears. From the Bhāgavatam we understand that Lord Buddha is the incarnation of Kṛṣṇa who appeared when materialism was rampant and materialists were using the pretext of the authority of the Vedas. Although there are certain restrictive rules and regulations regarding animal sacrifice for particular purposes in the Vedas, people of demonic tendency still took to animal sacrifice without reference to the Vedic principles. Lord Buddha appeared to stop this nonsense and to establish the Vedic principles of nonviolence.
BG 4.7, Purport
Lord Buddha, a powerful incarnation of the Personality of Godhead, appeared in the province of Gayā (Bihar) as the son of Añjanā, and he preached his own conception of nonviolence and deprecated even the animal sacrifices sanctioned in the Vedas. At the time when Lord Buddha appeared, the people in general were atheistic and preferred animal flesh to anything else. On the plea of Vedic sacrifice, every place was practically turned into a slaughterhouse, and animal-killing was indulged in unrestrictedly. Lord Buddha preached nonviolence, taking pity on the poor animals. He preached that he did not believe in the tenets of the Vedas and stressed the adverse psychological effects incurred by animal-killing. Less intelligent men of the age of Kali, who had no faith in God, followed his principle, and for the time being they were trained in moral discipline and nonviolence, the preliminary steps for proceeding further on the path of God realization. He deluded the atheists because such atheists who followed his principles did not believe in God, but they kept their absolute faith in Lord Buddha, who himself was the incarnation of God. Thus the faithless people were made to believe in God in the form of Lord Buddha. That was the mercy of Lord Buddha: he made the faithless faithful to him.
SB 1.3.24, Purport
The horse sacrifice yajña or cow sacrifice yajña performed by the Vedic regulations shouldn't be misunderstood as a process of killing animals. On the contrary, animals offered for the yajña were rejuvenated to a new span of life by the transcendental power of chanting the Vedic hymns, which, if properly chanted, are different from what is understood by the common layman. The Veda-mantras are all practical, and the proof is rejuvenation of the sacrificed animal.
SB 1.12.34, Purport
According to sacrificial rituals, animals are sometimes sacrificed in the yajña arena. Such animals are sacrificed not to kill them but to give them new life. Such action was an experiment to observe whether the Vedic mantras were being properly pronounced. Sometimes small animals are killed in a medical laboratory to investigate therapeutic effects. In a medical clinic, the animals are not revived, but in the yajña arena, when animals were sacrificed, they were again given life by the potency of Vedic mantras. The word śipi-viṣṭāya appears in this verse. Śipi means "the flames of the sacrifice." In the sacrificial fire if the oblations are offered into the flames, then Lord Viṣṇu is situated there in the form of the flames. Therefore Lord Viṣṇu is known as Śipiviṣṭa.
SB 4.13.35, Purport
You can read more about the same:
Do the Vedic literature allow meat-eating? Did Hinduism adopt vegetarianism from Buddhism? - The Spiritual Scientist
Thank you.

My wife, Day (30), and I (29) have been together for seven years and just welcomed our baby girl four weeks ago. I am originally from East Africa, and Day is African American. About five years ago, I filed for my mother, Ana, to relocate to the US because I'm her only child and wanted her closer. I informed Day of this move, and she pushed against it. We argued, and I assured her that Ana would only stay temporarily with us for three months, after which I would help her find a job and a place to become independent. Day even argued that if Ana moved here, we would need to relocate to the South of the US to be closer to her mom, which was weird to me, but I was okay with relocating.
Fast forward to five months ago, Ana's visa was approved, and she needed to leave her home country for the US within six months. Coincidentally, Day was pregnant at the same time. I reminded Day about the relocation, and she threw a fit about it and used a lot of profanity toward Ana even though she had never met her. She also asked me to choose between her and Ana. I was confused about the question, as I never intended to make Ana live with us permanently or beyond the three months we had initially agreed on.
Also, throughout this period, I excused Day's behavior by blaming hormone changes due to pregnancy.Three weeks ago, we had a baby girl, and Ana arrived a week later, three days before her visa was meant to expire. From day one when Ana arrived, it's been hell in our house.
On the first day once she arrived, Ana was so excited to meet the baby and couldn't wait to hold her even though she was visibly tired from the trip. She went and took a shower and asked us to bring the baby. Day brought her from the bassinet to give Ana but was visibly upset. When Ana asked us to bring a blanket and a cap to keep the baby warm since she was barely one week old and was lightly dressed, Day responded to the request faster than I did; however, I could tell she was faking a smile and was very angry.
A few hours later, Day came to the kitchen area to do something, and Ana asked her to go and rest and told me to fulfill any tasks she needed. Ana also told Day that she could send her on any errands she wanted. Day went inside, and a few hours later, she called me to complain about Ana.Her complaint was that Ana was commanding her in her own house, asking her to bring the cap and blanket and also asking her to go get some rest.
Even though I know Ana means well, I empathize with Day and sided with her. I then went to Ana right after the complaints to discuss the situation with her and asked her to not interfere if Day does anything around the house. I also told her to politely ask Day for anything by saying, "Can you please".
Ana obliged without any complaints and even apologized, stating she didn't mean to offend her.It is worth noting that Ana also brought with her some native East African clothes as gifts for Day and the baby, which Day did not appreciate. I later lied to Ana, stating Day loved the clothes and was thankful for them.After that incident, there was some calm even though I noticed Day was always with our daughter in the bedroom and rarely came out.
When I realized for days she was always with the baby, I proposed we go out on dates to give her a break, while Ana watched over the baby. Day somewhat resisted and wanted the baby to come with us but later gave in and left the baby with grandma.
During this period, Ana would ask Day daily what she wanted to eat so she could cook it. I was helping with feeding the baby and changing diapers, alongside helping organize things in the house since we just moved to a new place. For about five days, there was some level of peace until my MIL visited.
As a matter of fact, a day before my MIL arrived, Day and I dropped the baby with Ana so we could go on a date. While we were heading to our destination, I overheard my MIL asking Day on the phone what we were doing, and she told her we were heading to the mall. MIL was upset when she told her we left the baby with Ana. Day kept saying, "Don't worry about it," multiple times. I didn't ask Day what was said, as that was a conversation with her mom, but I was concerned about what would happen once she started living with us.
It is worth noting that my MIL and my mom had never spoken to each other or met before or after we got married, so there is no bad blood between them.
The next day, when I returned from work in the evening, I found Day, Ana, and my MIL in the living room watching a show, which initially made me happy, thinking everyone was getting along. My wife even mentioned that she asked Ana to teach her Swahili, and my MIL expressed her plans to teach Ana crochet and said she would be buying the accessories needed. Ana was delighted to be around them despite her limited English.
However, I soon learned that Day and her mother were upset with Ana.While eating dinner that night, Day told me, "Ana needs to back off." I was taken aback and asked her what was wrong. She explained that while they were sitting in the living room, the baby began to cry in the bassinet, and Ana stood up and carried the baby, then asked her to make baby food.
Day was upset because she felt Ana had disrespected her and her mother by picking up the baby without permission and commanding her to prepare food. Another instance that bothered Day was when Ana stood over her while she was changing the baby's diaper, applying Vaseline.
I empathized with her and told her I would speak to Ana about it. After finishing my food, I talked to Ana about the allegations. Ana was shocked but apologized, explaining it was just a cultural norm in Africa for the community to help raise a child. I asked her to get permission from Day before carrying the baby, even though it felt strange to do so, and to refrain from interfering when Day was changing the baby. My mom said she wouldn't beg to carry her grandchild and decided she would avoid sitting with Day and my MIL to prevent any further offense.
The next day, Day came to me, visibly upset, stating her mother had cried because of the disrespect from Ana. I was alarmed, thinking this was a new incident, but it turned out to be the same issue from the previous day. Day began using profanity and stated that as long as Ana lived in the house, she would not find peace nor be allowed to carry the baby.
She even threatened to call the police if Ana made her mother cry again. I tried to calm the situation by stating that her mother was being manipulative and that she was being influenced by her, which upset Day even more.
For the next three days, Ana did not touch the baby but remained polite to my MIL and Day. Yesterday morning, I was holding the baby and needed to do a few chores around the house since Day was resting after watching the baby during the first shift. I took the baby to Ana upstairs to allow her some time with her granddaughter while I worked.
When Day realized I wasn't holding the baby, she was very upset, but she didn't say anything. Once I finished what I was doing, which took less than an hour, I went upstairs and took the baby from Ana, asked my MIL if she would like to hold her. She declined, so I took the baby to Day.
Today, I was trying to wash feeding bottles and asked my mom to help me hold the baby. She obliged, and once the baby started fussing, she asked me to bring her food. I did, and she began to feed her. When Day saw Ana feeding the baby, she was upset again and asked me if we hadn't gone to church yet. I told her no, as I was trying to finish washing the bottles. She proceeded to take the baby out of Ana's hands. Ana asked her if she could just finish feeding the baby, but Day didn't respond and just dragged the baby out of her hands.
I felt ashamed watching this play out in front of my eyes. I didn't say a word. I drove Ana to church and felt stunned and ashamed that I somehow played a role in all that had happened. Interestingly, Ana didn't even talk about the incident; instead, she talked about something completely unrelated to take our minds off the situation.I feel like my MIL is somewhat responsible for Day's behavior.
She will be leaving next week, but I'm already sick of having her close to me and my family. It is worth noting that my MIL has four siblings, and the three sisters among them have cut her off as well as Day due to her dramatic nature. My brother-in-law has been married twice and on both occasions did not inform my MIL and wife about it until three months after the fact.
Also, our wedding was quite unconventional as it was during COVID-19, and my family couldn't attend to meet my in-laws, and Day and my mother-in-law fought during that period which led to no contact between them for a year.
I have excused Day's behavior as postpartum stress, but this is wearing me out. I have lost about 10 pounds in the last three weeks.This cultural difference was something I was warned about by friends, but I didn't listen and thought love conquers all. Foolish me.As much as I love Day, I really can't stand her disrespect my mom and also preventing her from holding my child.
I fear this may lead to the worst happening to our relationship if this issue persists.I am already thinking of going for counseling with her, even though I know she might decline.
People of Reddit, how do you suggest I approach this issue?
TLDR: My wife (Day) doesn't want my mom (Ana) to hold our child for no apparent reason.

Original Prompt

Chapter 27
"And you say this starry field consumes your entire form?" Kher's attention - like everyone else's - was on Cass's arm. As they rode forward at the head of the caravan, colorful bands and flecks of distant starlight moved through her limb. Like glittering lights in a stream, never did the same pattern repeat.
"When I want it to, yeah." Cass flexed her night-black fingers. Her arm was pain-free in the dark, so long as the others kept their torches away. The flames had been put out after a stray flicker of light gave her a jolt; the sudden, involuntary twitch nearly caused her to remove Charis's hand.
"Why does your arm seem so much smaller during the day?" Nuu asked. "I've seen you in battle, you are not a withered husk of a person."
"Part of the curse. Fire weakens me." Cass looked up at the night sky, imagining the great ball of flame hanging over her head as it did all day, every day. She did not need to explain to them that the Sun was the greatest source of fire in the world. Their religion was built around that.
"But that's only when I'm not immersed in it it," she continued, "when I'm trying to be me. When I use it to fight I sort of..." She rolled her right hand in front of her as she looked for words. The feeling she'd never been able to verbalize continued to elude her. "I sort of...jump into it. Like into a pool of water, but it's not water, it's something else."
"Darkness," Nuu said, quietly.
"Stars!" Kher was more enthusiastic.
"Maybe? I don't know another way to describe it, but-"
"What is going on here!?" The icy whiplash of Kebb's tongue cut through the night. Cass looked over her shoulder and saw him riding up with his torch in hand and quickly covered her arm with her robe.
"Careful!" Charis said, holding out a hand toward Kebb, "Put out your torch or-"
"Put out my torch?" Kebb, who had always been so calm and peaceful, looked like he was caught between the desire to vomit or to strike Charis for what he'd said. "You all know the Tenets. Putting out your flames in the dark is...is..."
"I'm sorry," Cass spoke up, waving her good hand to take Kebb's attention, "I was just-"
"Cassandra, I do not blame you for any of this." Kebb didn't yell, but he was terse. "You are not a Disciple, you are not obligated to follow the Light. Please, take my position at the rear of the caravan so that I may remind these wayward Flames of their oaths."
"But-"
"Please." Kebb leveled a stare at her. Cass was undaunted, but Charis touched her shoulder. She looked their way and they smiled at her.
"We'll be fine," they said.
Cass reigned in Cassiopeia, her camel, and they waited off to the side of the sandstone road for the others to pass. Mica and Iuven both gave her a nod while Nuut ignored her. Anatu - riding near the back with the water cart - asked what she was doing.
"Kebb wants me to ride in the rear," she answered. That was enough for the Captain and they continued on.
Cass followed well behind the caravan for a time, lamenting the silence and the loss of interesting conversation. She thought Nuu was starting to come around, too. Having them and their sister not give her a death stare every time they looked her way would be nice.
With a tug on the reigns, Cass picked up the pace and got closer to the water cart. Her swordspear was there and, if she was going to be protecting from any raiders sneaking up from behind, she wanted it on hand. As she grabbed it she heard Kebb return to ride along with Anatu.
"I took care of the Light," he said, "since you wouldn't."
"It's advantageous to keep to the dark at night." Anatu sounded tired.
"It goes against every Tenet of-"
"I know the Tenets, Kebb. I'm not saying I agree with their...'poor' choices. I just wish you wouldn't get upset at them for being logical."
"Hmph. You give them too much slack. They were all huddled around Cassandra and looking at her...affliction."
"The curse? Did she look like she was losing control?"
"Helen assured me that Cassandra is in full control of her beastial nature."
"Hmph. Is that supposed to be comforting? That she chooses to become that creature? To rip people in half?"
"As long as she does it on our command-"
"On my command."
Cass wanted to tell them both to fuck off in the silence that followed but waited just a moment longer. Cit always told her to count to ten before acting whenever she had an advantage or was ready to spring an ambush. Taking a deep, slow breath, Cass counted backward and within seconds they continued talking.
"I'll put Cassandra on lookout duty tomorrow," Anatu said.
"I already told you, no. The light makes her vulnerable. Helen would not want it."
"Fine, write Helen then." Anatu's tone was light and daring. "Oh wait, you didn't think bringing a hawk was a good idea. I guess you'll have to wait for Helen to write you so you can ask."
"Careful, Anatu, you-"
"You can both just fuck off, you know." Cass was tired of being talked about like a tool. She gave her camel's reigns a tug to stop her and let the water cart pull further ahead. Kebb leaned around the cart while riding and looked back at her. She held up her swordspear in a mocking salute until she could no longer hear the clatter of camel feet and wagon wheels on sandstone.
With a smirk, she clicked her tongue and Cassiopeia continued forward. Letting Kebb and Anatu think she might ride up behind them and eavesdrop any moment was a nice consolation prize for losing out on a night of gossip.

Been trying to get this post past the "Taken down by reddit filters" block so hopefully this gets through. And apologies, this ended being longer than I expected.
TL;DR: 21 years old sharing place with parents. Parents dislike each other, don't communicate and mother hasn't paid rent for last three months. Have a loan in my name that father hasn't paid back. $8k in debt, but $5k cash coming in August. Wondering if I should take summer paid internship to get away for the summer.
Hey all! I'm a 21 year old college student trying to pick myself up from a rut I'm in. For the last five months, things have been tanking for me financially. Went from having a comfy 750 credit score to being down around 630 now. I don't mean to defer blame but most of the issues have been coming top down from my family members, particularly my parents. They're separated but my mother, me, and my younger brother moved in with my dad after the expiration of our old lease in mid 2023. My father saw it as a way to bring the family back together (meaning he wanted to get back with my mother). It didn't work. And there's no reason he should've believed it to work considering he knew my mother had a new partner in her home country.
Regardless, my mother, father, brother, and I all ended up living together again. The place was cramped, dirty, and took a toll on everyone's mental and social health. I went through some health issues, financial setbacks with a broken down car, and got diagnosed with depression. My mother had to go back to her home country after her sister passed, grieved, and then came back married to her long time partner. Her partner stayed in their country, while my mother came back to the US.
My father was not happy about this, and consistently ranted, vented, and updated us on everything to do with my mother's marriage while she was away. It made the living situation tense, and he was incredibly bitter about it even though he had walked out on us years prior. He had moved out and partnered up with a woman many years prior, throwing the first stone.
My father then blindsided us December 2023 by letting us know the landlord wanted us to move out the next month. It was information he had known for a while but didn't reveal until we only had so little time. Somewhere in the past few years, my father decided that since my mother had remarried, that he should too. Instead of helping to prep for the costs of moving out, he left for his country. He had said he was going on a business trip to Michigan, but failed to consider location sharing. He was back in his home country, looking for a wife.
This meant that the moving out costs fell on me. A full time student, a part time worker. January was coming quick, I browsed through housing apps constantly. I put in plenty of rental applications and secured a couple spots for us. Every time I asked my parents what they were doing to help us move out by the end of the month, they didn't have anything to say. They wouldn't communicate with one another either. It wasn't ideal for us to live altogether, I was hoping to find my own place and let them figure it out for themselves honestly. However, I felt bad leaving them out to drop considering both of their poor credits. We decided that we could all split the rent. I found a place, and put up $1500 from my savings for the total move in cost of $4100. All my dad could chip in was $600, and my mom barely a scratch. To secure the final costs, my dad assured me that he would figure it out and get a loan. I thought it was settled. Until he asked me "What's your credit score?"
I was a naive in trusting and sharing this information, I thought him to be more reliable financially than my mother. We ended up getting a $2000 loan in my name that he assured he would pay me back on quickly (he hasn't). Not to mention just the general labor and costs of packing up our belongings. I kept having to be the mediator between them, at this point my dad was the only one with a vehicle and asking him to get something so simple as U-Haul boxes he didn't even do. When I got off shifts, I was packing. Off work? I was packing. I did everything I could to get us into a place and hardly anyone else contributed.
After January, we move into our new place. I figured everything was settled, we've figured things out and things are picking up. The house was much larger than our old space, my brother and I had our own rooms after sharing previously. There was more natural lighting coming into the place, and we all felt generally better. My only issue at the time was racking up my credit card taking Ubers to work, which was now much further away. My dad promised to be my ride to work, but went back on that after having some car troubles of his own. The loan had also been finally placed on my credit report and I lost a lot of points.
Now just came the rent. We didn't have to pay for February because we moved in at the tail end of January. At the end of February, my mother would be going back to her home country for a Ramadan in March to be with family, and her husband. She paid her portion for March before she left and was also going to pay for April 1, as she was going to receive tax return money. She was supposed to be back Mid April and buy a car with that tax return money as well, instead for the past two months she's gone ghost during rent payments. Promising that she will send it, or saying that her payment services aren't working, and has left me and my dad scrambling for money. Again, I was working part time. My rent contribution was meant to be $700 but has instead gone up to about $1000, and little room to pay off debts or anything like that.
This is one of my biggest issues right now, $700 was already way too much but would've been manageable with my income. My mother also expressed that she didn't want me to pay that much and would take over my share when she got the chance. I asked my father for some leniency as well because he works multiple jobs too and has a relatively high income, however he's made some wildly stupid financial decisions like having a car that he pays $1600 a month for simply on the car note. He argues that because he drives for his work, the car pays itself. It doesn't.
Realizing my situation, I got a full time gig along with my part-time. I also applied for a couple scholarships through my school that so far have totaled to $2100 extra that will deposit in the fall semester. I also will receive another $3000 through the standard refund check that I get. In August, I know that I'll be on the path to stabilizing again, but right now things have been tough.
Currently I sit at a 630 credit score, $8k in debt, a loan in my name, and limited cash flow. I also got accepted for an internship out of state that would be a really great opportunity for me. My current job would allow me to transfer to another location in the state, I would be able to work both the internship and job. I would have housing figured out at a manageable cost, but would just have to contribute to rent here as well. Sorry for the long post and extensive background, I think I'm just looking for general financial guidance.
I've figured out a couple personal goals like never lending my parents money again (I've done it for both and have never seen the money back). I'm going to be moving out at the end of this lease, and finding cheaper living elsewhere. I just don't know what to do for the time being, do I take the internship to get away from my parents and all their issues? Do I tough it out, do I break the lease? Appreciate the reading. Thanks all.

May Allah preserve and protect anyone reading this from any similar ordeal
hello I reverted about three months ago and before islam I summoned a succubus and had sex with it many times. After reverting I tried to sever ties amicably and transitioned to ignoring it and cutting it off. I memorised the last three surahs, reciting them morning and evening and reciting them into my hands at night and wiping my body three times. I also recite ayat Al kursi before bed although I have yet to memorise it aswell.
I also do 100 recitations of "la ilaha ill Allah wahdahu la sharikah lahu lahu l mulk wa lahulhamd wa huwa ala kulli shai'in qadeer" every morning or at least before sunset depending on circumstances. I have been doing all of these practices every day for a while and I suppose just to share for who may find it useful, I think the wiping with the three surahs at night is most effective for me at least.
I still have to deal with it arousing me at times throughout the day, usually when I am not moving it will start stimulating my genitals and I will feel it in my abdomen and chest and I will feel the release of oxytocin and I become hot and flustered and red in the face if I dont put a stop to it quickly. Not to mention the lust. I also sometimes hear it say a few words occasionally, usually I love you. I can't see it and never could and what I described has more or less always been the extent of the relationship except prior to islam I would indulge it and have sex with it.
inshaAllah I am determined to be the best muslim I can be but I'm just unsure of how to feel about this circumstance and would like to outline my thoughts and then hear what your thoughts are please;
so as a revert Allah has atleast forgiven all of my past sins if not annulled them, so I wonder why he is allowing for this jinn to continue with this behaviour. Not to boast but rather to paint a picture, I meet all of my obligations and am fastidious about correcting errors and addressing doubts, making istaghfar and doing voluntary worship, good deeds, charity, sharing beneficial knowledge etc. so I have no reason to believe he is cursing me with this burden. Either it's a trial of patience for my reward in Jannah if I am worthy of it, or I am supposed to do something else to get rid of it other than ignore it and do dhikr. If it's the former do any of you have any ideas?
I feel Allah has gifted me greatly in terms of my circumstance, disposition, and capability. If he so wills I am well set to be a good muslim and a beneficial person except for this constant fitnah tempting me into fornication multiple times a day. I have looked into if their is any way to justify it - like seeing if I don't have any obligation to fight off the molestation so long as I don't become an active participant or the possibility of marriage. I have found nothing that makes me sure I wouldn't fall into sin and/or disbelief if I deviate from my current approach.
I don't want to seek an exorcist as I don't trust that anyone I contacted wouldn't be incompetent or deluded and I'd rather not risk going to a brother only for them to fail in banishing it and for me to think ill of them as a result. Also I don't see how exorcists don't fall under the same purview as priests and rabbis i.e. seeking refuge with Allah alnoe ought to be sufficient.
Honestly I believe I could put up with it the way it is for the rest of my life insha'Allah since the dhikr makes it quite tolerable and it's a good daily habit to have in general but at the same time I just don't feel assured that this is correct. Like im putting a bandage over a wound and not letting it heal. Like I'm committed to what is fundamentally "unfinished business".
So yeah thankyou kindly for reading if you made it this far and please let me know your thoughts especially if you consider yourself knowledgeable - or even possessing knowledge you're unsure of that you think could be helpful! I will take and read anything and like to think I have the sensibility to not be taken in and convinced by potential falsehoods if that's a concern 😊

I (f23) got married at 20 to someone (27m) I really didn’t know that well we had a baby and thought it was the right thing to do. Little did I know he had deep rooted issues with alcohol and drugs and severe adhd. I was a stay at home mom with no income, he never gave me an allowance I never really bought myself clothes and never spent any money as I grew up poor and never felt the need to go crazy on spending and I was always mindful that I’m not made of money. Even though my husband made 80k-90k a year. I unfortunately trusted him to take care of finances and he always said he had it under control but I always saw him spending money. Endlessly. He spent 2000 on a stripper one time, regularly when he went out it was around 400-600 a night just drinking buying other people drinks and tipping huge. He spent 1000-3000 a month on coke. Bought me outrageously expensive gifts usually after he did something bad to me to “make it up”. I never agreed to anything he ever bought unless it was related to furniture even then I always said that seems a little expensive are you sure and always assured me it was okay and we’re all good. You get the idea. He was living like a king and I was always the frugal one who rarely spent money. Fast forward to now, he had us in about 50k worth of debt of maxed out credit cards. His dad is rich and paid it off using a line of credit at extremely low interest and is supposed to get paid off over about 15 years. His dad paid off most of our debt including the car which was also expensive. We’re getting divorced and they’re expecting me to take half of that debt we owe to his dad. Which is 61k EACH. I make 40k a year as I’m just now getting my first real job. He’s expected to get another career that makes 80-100k a year. I just don’t know what to do from here bc obviously I can not take on a debt like that especially when I have no idea how we accumulated 122000 worth of debt over being married for 3 years. Some of that is the car but as far as the rest of the debt goes. I have no idea what he possibly could have spent that money on. I also didn’t have access to the account for a long time. If I had to estimate how much I spent a year it was probably around 6k a year. I’d like to add his dad is going to die in probably the next 15 years and my husband will inherit close to 10 million. So essentially all this “debt” paid to his dad will come right back to him. While I on the other hand will never see it again. His dad also pays his son 30k a year towards his line of credit. So basically it’s just a joke for them. What happens in this situation am I just screwed bc I married a fuck? Or is there a way out of this? Can someone point me in the right direction for affordable lawyers in the Houston area. Or point me to a good resource. I’m desperate bc this seriously can not be my life.

I'm 29 and my bf is 23. We've been together just over a year and a half now and have just moved in together less than a month ago. We both love eachother very much but there is practically no sex in our relationship. I should probably clarify that when I say "sex", I'm strictly referring to penetration, not oral or anything else. In total since we've been together we've had sex 6 times. And none at all since early December. Admittedly since we've been seeing eachother privacy has been hard to come by. We previously lived about an hour away from eachother and I'm the only one that drives so I was almost always going to him but he lived with his parents and brother, so we rarely got any alone time at his place. The only times we had sex were on the occasional weekend where we went away and got a hotel, but even then it didn't happen very often.
I have previously spoke to him before about my sexual needs, and he assured me that once we had our own place things would be different. But here we are, in our own place, nearly a month on and absolutely nothing. I feel so frustrated and sad and I don't want to be angry with him but I can't help the emotions that I'm feeling right now. Every advance I try to make he is either oblivious to, or is purposely avoiding. Kissing always turns into cuddling, nothing more. Every night we go to bed and he turns over and is asleep almost instantly, and I lie there sometimes for hours just feeling alone and sad and unfulfilled. I know he loves me, and he is attracted to me. He's always telling me how hot and handsome I am, and always coming to me for kisses and cuddles. It just leaves me confused as to why we can't take the next step. He has no previous sexual trauma or anything like that. He's even said to me in the past when I've brought it up that he wants to be having sex with me. But since we've moved into our new place he's even stopped shaving his body like he used to be very particular about. Not that it bothers me as such, but to me it only shows an increased disinterest towards sexual intimacy.
To be clear, I'm not expecting him to turn into some sex crazed maniac, believe me, I'm far too tired for that. But a nice one a week kinda thing would really be great. I just don't know how else to approach this subject with him, or if I'm missing something or if there's anything else I can do?

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and let's call them Ellie 18F and Hannah 18F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
What should I do?
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.