Author's Note: Welp, I'm back. I'm going to be doing these super-short stories from now on instead of the multi-paged short stories that took several days to write. I tend to lose motivation in writing when I have long, drawn out stories. I just want to write these stories about my characters and focus on their character beats and emotions, rather than one long drawn out plot. I do intend on making an overarcing plot with these stories, but told over many, smaller instances.
This story introduces a new character that will not be recieving a character concept page. The reason why is because I simply am not interested in making game concepts and I'm not interested in Overwatch (The Game) anymore. I just want to focus on the stories of my characters.
Harvey King, the handsome, smooth-talking, knuckle-bruiser of Overwatch, now reduced to another ruffian locked behind steel bars. The once highly-esteemed son of New York Cities biggest tech conglomerate entrepenuer, Leonhard King, now another criminal locked away for life for the high crime of terrorism. Not only that, but he was thrown under the bus, used as a scapegoat to get pressure off of King Enterprises, the company that dad always loved more than his own son. His own son, dammit!
"I'm tellin you Harv," Sean muttered on from the top bunk. "you've gotta cool off or you'll get yourself killed!"
"Shut up!" Kingbursted out at his insolent cell mate. The New Worker was a fairly handsome man with a sharp jawline and beautiful nose, but his charcoal black hair had become ragged due to a profound lack of hair gel in prison. Harvey was looking into a glass shiv that he had stolen from the one-eyed punk down the isle, desperately trying to get the angle just right so that he could see his reflection in it. He ran is his fingers down his jaw line, feeling the creases and folds that had been left by Winston's Tesla Cannon. His perfect face, the face who's nose had never once been broken in all of Harvey's days of brawling, was now left with an electrical scar that he would have to live with for the foreseeable future, at least until he can break out of this hole and get it fixed with a healthy dosage of surgury. "That damn monkey, he ruined my face!" He turned to Sean. "Look at this, he ruined my face!"
"Yeah, I've been looking at it for the past month or so." Sean snickered.
"You realize I already have a life sentence?" King snarled, his tone had grew contempted.
"Yeah, so? Most people here d-"
"'That means it won't matter if I use your teeth for golf balls!"
"Oh please kid, you ain't the first young punk to threaten me li-"
"I'll be the first one to go through with it," King yelled at Sean. grabbing him by the collar and dragging him down from the top bunk. "If you don't shut your fu-"
"Shut up in there!" A guard banged his baton against the bars, interrupting King. "And get your hands off your cellmate!"
"Sorry officer," King put on a happy, personable tone of voice for the gaurd. He obediently dropped Sean. "Won't happen again, I promise."
"Yeah, yeah." The guard walked off, uninterested in King's crocodile smile.
The moment the guard turned his back, King's face switched like a lightbulb, going from bright and charismatic to dark and irritated in a mere moment. He turned back to his stupid cellmate and lashed out at him, grabbing his collar and pulling him in close. "I think we need to come to an understanding, you and I," Harvey spoke menacingly. "Look pal, I've already had to put up with a lotta bull lately. I do not need a dishevelled, ugly piece of crap, such as you, giving me more bull. So if you continue to irritate me, I'm gonna make you choke on your teeth. You get me?"
Sean, at a lost for words, simply nodded out of fear. Sean was ugly and dishevelled, Harvey was truthful when he said that, but he was also much smaller than Harvey and wouldn't be able to defend himself.
"Good." Harvey gave Sean a toothy grin. Even in the dimly lit, murkey prison cell, Harvey's teeth still glistened. He dropped Sean, who immediately crawled back onto the top bunk, hugging the wall this time as to avoid being pulled down again, and sat down on his cold, hard matress. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to think of how to get out of this situation. Only he couldn't think of an escape plan, he had too much on his mind. He was trying to make sense of everything that's happened, the mistakes he made that lead to this point. He had everyone at Overwatch wrapped around his fingers like marionettes, his facade was perfectly crafted. He couldn't help but reminisce about when he first started, the conversation he had with his father to get the whole thing set up, the developing of squeaky-clean persona that would be irresistable to Winston and Sojourn, the persona that landed him a spot on Overwatch's small roster of agents and made everyone fall in love with him. Well, not literally fall in love with him, but he was a natural smooth talker and very easy to like upon first meeting.
He remembered the conversation with his father that got him introduced to the likes of Winston in the first place, the conversation between his father and the leaders of Overwatch. King Enterprises had promised to provide Overwatch with funding, but only so Harvey could get a chance within their ranks. Leonhard King, father of Harvey King, was the CEO of King Enterprises. The old man was an idealist, and so was his only son. They wanted to leave a good impact on the world, with King Enterprises having been nicknamed "The Company of the People"; at least, that's what the public saw. No, the real Leonhard King was a tyranical capitalist who valued money over human rights, a greedy old man who was born into a mafia family, but being the the second-born meant he never got a chance to take over the family when his father died. Instead, it was his elder brother, Everett King II, named after his and Leonhard's father, who got to take over the family. Unsatisfied with being second fiddle, Leonhard left the family completely to become an entrepanuer, and now, 50 years later, he was on top of New York's social hierarchy with the biggest tech conglomerate in New England. King Enterprises was built into many facets of life in America, they built all sorts of cars, home appliances, home security systems, but that's only what the media saw.
Of course, Leonhard never shook off his knack for crime. He was a King, and criminality flowed through the King Bloodline; taking money out of decent folks pockets was in their blood. The horrible truth of the matter was that King Enterprises, "The Company of the People", got into all sorts of shady business, such as illegally shipping arms overseas, racketeering, maintaining ties in the black market, and lobbying shady politicians. On top of that, King Enterprises was a major player in the Military Industrial Complex, producing all sorts of weapons for the government, and shipping all the surplus over seas to other countries; a good chunk of all equipment used by the U.S. military was manufactored by King Enterprises. And it is because of this influence on the Military Industrial Complex that Leonhard King also provides funding to terrorist organizations such as Talon, organizations who are keen on creating conflict and pushing the world to the edge of war. Corporate corruption ran through every level of King Enterprises, and everyone outside of the corporation was none the wiser.
It was yard time, and King was hanging out alone. He hadn't made any attempts to socialize with any of the other ruffians the populate the prison, for he isn't planning on staying very long, but he did intend on working out as much as he could while he was there. A long time ago, when King was a kid hanging out in the slums of New York, he had a buddy called Twig. He was called Twig because he was very skinny, but mostly because King wasn't a very imaginitive nicknamer. He got sent to prison at the age of 16 for accidentally killing a guy while trying to jack his car, and came out a few years later completely jacked. King ended up shooting and killing him a while after he got outta prison, mostly because Twig blamed King for getting locked up and wanted revenge, but King still remembered in high regards.
King was readying himself for the bench press, stretching and giving himself a mental preptalk, thinking along the lines of "just cuz you're in prison doesn't mean ain't King no more," and the like. While he was getting ready, a loud, gruff voice cut off his train of thought. "Hey, punk!" King swung his head around to see who was yelling at him, and beheld a man who was around his same height, but very, very prison-jacked. Not as prison-jacked as Twig was, but still very prison-jacked. "Your daddy wanted to give you a message." This man didn't seem particularly friendly.
"My daddy?" King was not happy about this. A message from his father? Really? That old bastard wanted nothing to do with his son, and if he wanted to send him a message, he could visit him on every other thursday! "The hell's the meaning of this?"
"He said you couldn't be naming any name, kid. Said you'd understand." The big man pulled out a shiv, swinging his arm forward while rushing at King.
"The hell!?" King exclaimed, caught off guard by the sudden attack. He managed to catch the man's wrist, stopping the shiv from plunging right into his guts. He had to act quickly, he wouldn't be able to hold this man's arm for very long before he got overpowered, so he had to resort to some dirty tactics. Spitting in the man's eyes then kicking him in the shin did the trick, causing the jacked man to faulter and drop his shiv. Harvey had been in many a street fight during his life, and with the shiv out of the equation he would be also to out-box this man. King was an experienced brawler, he learned how to tussle on the streets of New York City, and was once mentored by a prize-fighter how to box. If not for his father's interference, King would've spent his entire life living in slums, hanging around his Uncle's turf, instead of in the King's Estate with his father.
With his attacker instinctually wiping spit out from his eyes, King had the perfect opportunity to land his signature KO'ing right hook right into the man's dome. King wasn't the biggest, most intimidating fella on the block, but he knew how to throw a punch with a surprising amount of power. King threw several more punches, beating the man senseless with merciless intensity, just to let off some steam that he's been holding in since his incarceration. He would've beaten that man to death if he hadn't been hit in the shoulder by a gaurd's heavy baton from behind. King fell down and got tackled by a gaurd, ending the fight.
Thursday rolled around, and it was the other thursday. King, of course, didn't have any visitors, but he did have a phone call. King impatiently tapped on the tabletop, eagerly waiting for someone to pick up the phone. A wide, sparkling smile stretched across his face as the wheezy voice of an elderly smoker come out the phone. "Who is this?" The voice calmly asked.
"Hey, Uncle."

i’m (17) F and my boyfriend is (17) M and we’ve been dating for around 3 in a half months and have known each other for 4 years, we’ve only ever gotten close in the past 6 months, i have gotten out of a toxic relationship of a year and a half and he was my friend after that relationship so i did give myself time to heal before we actually started dating, he knows what my ex has done to me and what he didn’t do, so in my defense i thought he’d take it serious and treat me better but i was wrong, we’ve barely started having sex beginning april and ever since that’s all we’ve ever done when we’d hangout, he’d pick me up, get fast food, go to the parking lot and then have sex then he’d take me home. and at first i was completely okay with it because i got to spend time with him but it became an every week thing and ive grown tired of it. i’m still sexually attracted to him, ive just been wanting something more, he cheated on me when we first began dating and he promised me he’d change and i believed him and he didn’t, we’ve just gotten more sexual. last night i was thinking to myself this was exactly how my last relationship was and i completely shut down and cried until i fell asleep and i woke up and cried some more. i’ve told him about it and he completely ignored me and told me that i don’t love him for him and how im always asking him to change and that i see someone else whenever we are talking, i love this man so much id do anything to keep him around despite the fact he has cheated on me, i asked him if we could go to olive garden out of town and he told me he didn’t want to spend 50$ on a date with me and then an hour later bought a action figure worth 100$, for the record he makes 1k every two weeks and doesn’t pay bills only his car bill and that’s it. i’ve repeatedly told him i wanted to go on dates and spend some time out of town with him but he’d say i don’t want to be with him and i don’t love him. i told him i wanted this to work out bc i wanted him but he’s treating me like my ex did and all he said was “ig i understand” and that’s it.

I’m 25F, and in the process of getting divorced. He’s been served, and responded within 4 days. The letter pretty much said he gets everything. The house (he purchased RIGHT before we met, but I lived in and paid to have work done on for 4 years), both cars, 401k, furniture, everything. I was okay with all of that, except for the car part, at first. But seeing it in writing REALLY upset me.
Our separation context: When I first moved out in March, it was in a hurry. I mean seriously, he had to be taken out of the house by family members and it was a secret. In December I began discussing changes I wanted to make in my own life because I was unhappy. He was negative all the time, aggressive when drunk, and promised me we’d move after a few years, before we were married. I moved 3hrs away from everything for him. Went to a different college than I wanted to be near him. Gave up my career goals for 4 years because I wasn’t living where I needed to. Lost hometown friends (I’m okay with that though), and pretty much isolated. I feel like I sacrificed SO much, and he never agreed.
After trying to address these things again, and ultimately realizing it’s just not working.. in January he began getting VERY insecure, controlling, and going through my things. I tried to leave the house for plans with a friend (he knew I had them for 3 days) and he got 2 guns out and told me he was killing himself. I wrestled a pistol and shotgun from him. Called his family and the police. Just to have it dismissed. From there, it got worse;
He went on through my entire laptop 8+ times, stealing my phone & car to leave the house and search them, ripping the thermostat off the wall because I was cold, unplugging my Tesla charger so I would be stuck at the house with a dead car. He purposely disclocated his shoulder and “went to the hospital” to keep me home. He made fake blood and put it In his ear to keep me home. Made a fake account/text messages to get me to confess I cheated with someone I know that he was insecure about (I NEVER cheated). And put 3 tracking devices on me. In March, he told me to move out, so I called my mom over to help. She drove 3 hours, and he drove out to the canyon with a gun and called me to come out there. I have screen recordings of our FaceTime. Proof of the gun, but no audio. He would “only talk to me alone in person” to stop him from committing suicide. I obviously did not go. I worked with his dad and police, and they found him. They released him to his parents. He escaped his parents house, and Ubered home to me. Before he got there, his dad was there and yelled that I needed to leave because it was unsafe for me, and that his son (my husband) would be killing himself that day. I cannot stress how terrified his dad looked FOR ME. I barely made it out of the house and into my car before my husband grabbed my car handle and jumped into my moms UHaul. He called me 176 times. Etc.
I have always been very independent and moved on from trauma numbly. However, today it’s all really hitting me. I’m crying over the good parts of him that I was so grateful for. It was just my birthday 2 days ago, and it was the most unspecial birthday I’ve had since before I met him. No one cares about me, but he did. Too much frankly. My best friend and I are no longer friends because of an argument a few weeks ago. My mom and I are fighting. I’m alone now. He was always there. But last night, I had a dream similar to the first time he got the guns out, but this time it was for me. Reminding me of the trauma I’ve blocked for the last 2 months to move on at the time.
Feeling everything now. Loss of a partner, loss of the future family we would’ve had, my dog that he gave away, the house I had, the special gifts and nice things he’d do. But also angry for the lost time I wasted there. My whole 1st half of my 20s. Where I could be in my career by now. The friends I could’ve made in college.
But I’m most upset that he thinks I deserve NOTHING for everything he put me through.

You can see my post history for more info about the story of my friend/female coworker who split on me, reported me to HR, then refused to work with me (how she didn't get in trouble is beyond me). We work remotely so I haven't seen her in 1.5 years.
Over a year ago she got a promotion when she was clearly not ready for it. She's causing chaos, people are finding new roles without thanking her and jumping ship, etc. Finally, so many people have told me "she clearly has borderline personality disorder" that I can't believe I missed it. I have healed to a point that I'm not bothered by things anymore, thankfully. But I was nervous to think about crossing paths again.
A few weeks ago I attended a work conference. My attendance was last minute and she did not expect me to be there. We were taking seats for the first meeting and she literally jumped when she saw me then beelined for a different area of the room. I almost didn't recognize her--hair bleached blonde and gained weight. Mirroring her most recent boss to a degree.
After the meeting, we had a dinner and drinks/networking deal. About 100 people were there and she was bouncing around like crazy from person to person (not sure if this was due to my presence, or else). It looked exhausting. I also didn't recognize her personality from afar--drinking pretty quickly/heavily, acting like a super cool person, etc. different from what I remember (although I think she has possibly slipped into drinking, or more open about it). Again, any time she would get close to me, she beelined a different direction. Amusing. Many times though I had a sense that someone was staring at me--and when I looked up, it was her. I decided to keep an eye out a bit closer, only to respect her actions and make sure I was able to avoid her.
However, as she drank more that evening I noticed a change. Once, she went over to a mutual from a prior role that neither of us had cared for and we, in the past, joked was my "arch nemesis". At one point, he was by himself and she went over to talk to him--all while looking directly at me from across room the whole time. She was sending me a message. Later, I was off to the side next to a group of people, and she looked right at me, then waltzed over to the other side of the group, sending another message. (There is one person that knows we were close and aren't anymore, so knows there was some major falling out--but doesn't know the details. She picked up on what happened with that last move right away).
The next day our paths crossed ways very few times--one exception coming to mind is that I was walking down a long hall into an open area where people were. I was scanning the crowd and happened to see her. She saw me, dropped her head and looked away and immediately left the room. Later that evening at an off-site event, she continued to avoid. Yet I would walk into a room and she would immediately be making eye contact with me before I realized who I was looking at. A few more times I had that "sense" of someone looking at me--and I would look over and she would immediately drop her head and furiously text on her phone. Finally, due to a crowded space, I ended up next to someone who was next to her. I saw her slowly take two steps back and then shuffle away.
The final day, I only saw her when people were departing for the airport. She looked at me again and steered clear. I coincidentally passed her on the way to my car and she completely ignored me.
That was the last time I saw her. No words were exchanged. And yet, the non-verbal communication spoke volumes.
I am basically healed and my wife and I have developed some compassion for her. I thought about saying hello, etc. or otherwise just being a polite human being, mature, etc. But then I had to continue to remind myself that she has BPD, and would not receive it like someone who did not have it. I essentially continued to grey rock/stay NC. After the interactions, I realized it was absolutely the right call to continue to do so. Who knows what would have happened if I had tried to be cordial. She probably would have accused me of harassing her or something at this work event. My simple presence clearly triggered a lot of things within her.
I do wonder what she was thinking and feeling. Was she feeling shame/regret, then it turned into anger and impulsivity by trying to demonstrate that she was "doing ok"? Did she still see me as some terrible person as part of splitting? Did I bring back bad memories of a major professional/personal mistake in her life? Because I didn't try to approach or validate her, I may have completely restarted a cycle of a sense of abandonment/rejection. I hope that's not the case because I don't desire to hurt her, but I did start wondering about that.
Regardless, it was really an interesting experience and staying no contact in the situation was the right move, for sure.

Just a warning, this is going to be very long! I (21F) and my brother (15M) were abandoned by our mother when I was 11 or 12.
For context, she was a teen mother, with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar, BPD, depression, i can only assume some form of sociopathic behavior), and she addicted to hard drugs. My father was a little rough around the edges, but overall a hardworking guy who went into the relationship with a "I can fix her" mentality. For the first few years of my life, I was oblivious to all of the issues going on in my family, I just enjoyed the first 5 years of my life as a happy child. My mother hid her drug addiction well enough for a 5 year old not to ask any questions, and I thought weekly screaming matches were normal and "mommies and daddies fight sometimes". Unbeknownst to me, my mother was cheating with dozens of people, and emotionally/financially/physically abusing my father, he put on a happy face to try and give me a good childhood. He worked 5am- 5pm at a bagel store (no car, only a bike) and never came home empty handed; always a toy, or a piece of candy for me as "sorry" for always being gone and working all day. I thought my mother would always bring her "friends" (men and women) in the house while dad was at work, and they would spend hours "playing" in her room with the door locked. I pretty much had to raise and take care of myself from the time I woke up to around 6pm, so I ended up becoming pretty smart by entertaining myself with my mom's fantasy novels (Harry potter, princess of mars, lord of the rings, etc.) On days she had college classes, our landlords (amazing people) would babysit me. My mother did give me affection, and I loved her very much, but she was very hands-off.
Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, I had ADHD, undiagnosed autism, among some other things.
When she got pregnant with my brother, (also adhd+autism) I noticed things started to change. My parents would fight more often, the house smelled like smoke, and the electricity to the apartment would be out for weeks because we couldn't pay the bills. Shortly after my brother was born, my parents had the hugest fight I've ever seen, I don't even remember what it was about (probably cheating), but it was the first time it hit me that everything in my life wasn't as happy as I thoughts. I sat clutching my baby brother as she beat my dad with a chair and started screaming. He grabbed a knife and ran outside and tried to end his life by stabbing his wrist. I was screaming and crying my landlords name, hoping my baby sitter would come and save me, he bolted downstairs, pried the door open, and grabbed the two of us and took us into his top floor of the apartment. He gave me some chocolate milk while him and his wife called the police. That was the day my parents split up, and my mom was able to spin the whole thing on my dad, taking custody and he was granted only visitation rights. My mother was kicked out of the apartment, and my aunt (dads sister, but my mother had taken a liking to her and allowed us to see her often) had a feeling something fishy was going on when no one would tell her anything about the details of that night. She went to my old house and asked my landlords what happened, they told her, so she let us sleep over with her whenever we wanted as a safe haven from our mom. She didn't go to court with any of the information she got, out of fear that my mother wouldn't let her see us again, because she was now our only place of complete safety.
My life became a living hell from that point onward. A week a later, my mom told us that her "new boyfriend"(probably a guy she cheated on dad with but I was like 7 and didn't know better) was letting us move in with him. He was the most horrible piece of shit. He got my mother addicted to even more drugs, and they both constantly talked badly about my dad, and when I cried, covered my ears, and said I didn't want to hear it, he would hit me and tell me that I needed to know. He was basically unemployed, and would sometimes sell drugs, or take antiques out of abandoned houses to sell. I hated him. My mother made an entire personality shift, and would defend him even if he said horrible things to me or hit me. She saw no fault in him. She stopped reading me bedtime stories, and stopped telling me she loved me. The only time she was nice to me was when we were in front of other people like school functions... she would kiss up to all my teachers.
I was left to take care of my baby brother on my own, and my father was in and out of mental hospitals from the trauma, so everything he said about how horrible my mother was fell of deaf ears because he was labeled "crazy".
We had no money, it was all spent on drugs, I went out by myself several times to dig through dumpsters just to get food, and I stole baby formula from supermarkets. This one nice homeless lady knew my situation, and would walk me into the stores "as my grandma" so I wouldnt get stopped to ask why a child was all alone. She would poke around the store and buy a $1 candy bar, while I stole formula, and some cold cuts for her. She showed me all the best dumpsters, where delis would throw put perfectly good food at the end of the day. We had an alliance of sorts. I was less than 9 years old.
Her boyfriend became sexually abusive to me around that time. I'll spare the details.
My mother was starting to go off the rails completely. Doing anything for drug money. I clearly remember the time that she told me to get naked and she took pictures of me, up close in all my private areas "to send to the doctor" or else "I would have to go in person and they might give me a shot" (she knew I hated needles.). She never mentioned that event again, but I just know she sent them to some pedophile for money. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. Her bf would try and hurt my brother, I would always step in and get beat instead. We saw our father and aunt maybe once a month, and I was threatened not to say anything to the school or my dad/aunt or else he would kill my mom. I said nothing. I told my aunt all the bruises were from bullies at school, my teachers were taking care of it... or that I was climbing trees, some excuse. I think she knew the truth, but was too scared of losing us to say anything. Everytime they went to drop us back off at our mom's, my brother would have a tantrum. He cried so much the blood vessels in his face would pop. He now at 15 has permanant, freckle like, spots of red on his face from crying so much so often.
She got pregnant again with his twin girls. She gave birth prematurely, and they came out very very sick. She gave birth at home... I was giving most of their care. After the "ohhhh new baby" feeling wore off for her, of course I was basically a mother of 3 at 10 years old. They didn't last long, less than a year. I was in complete despair and that was the first time i tried to end my life. I filled the bathtub and tried to drown myself by repeatedly hitting my head underwater in attempts to pass out under the water. It didn't work, and I was left with neck pain and a migraine that lasted 4 days. I attempted about 5 times, different methods, by this point I haven't been to school in a week. When I came back to school, the teachers noticed something was wrong. I kept looking off into space, detached. I would lash out and act aggressively when anyone would try and talk to me. I would have 2 hour "bathroom breaks" where I just stared at the wall inside the stall and acted rudely when anyone came to get me. What did they do? Not call CPS, of course, they sent me to a special school because of my "sudden behavior issues". I was in a class now with students I could not connect with in any way. I had no friends. All the other kids in my new class had severe learning disabilities and talking to my brother who was 6 years younger than me was more of a conversation. They couldn't read, most of them were almost non-verbal.
My mom broke up with her bf because he cheated, and we were going to lose the house. He still lived with us for a few days but stayed silent. My mother blamed me, saying that I ruined everything by being a bad child and now we were going to be homless. He tried to touch me one last time and I snapped and stabbed him deeply with a BBQ screwer, he just walked away. later that night he killed himself, I saw it. I'll never get that image out of my head.
I lost it, I had an outburst at school, crying and screaming that I wanted to kill myself and for God to just let me die. They sent me to a hospital, and the school called my mom to say I was having an outburst of psychosis. I spilled everything to the hospital about what her bf was doing to me (I couldnt bring myself to talk about my mothers abuses for some reason), and after a while, it was my dad who came to get me... apparently my mother had taken off, leaving my brother alone in the house after the school had called her. I had so many questions. But I was so happy to finally be able to live with my dad and his side of the family.
I was so traumatized, as well as neurodivergent, I acted strangely and dealt with some bullies at school but that was it, it was like heaven on earth. My father didn't even know the full scope of what went on, but the more I told him the more guilty he felt. He started spoiling us a bit out of guilt, so we were happy to be with a parent who loved us.
We never knew where she went. Until I was 18, and she reached out to me on social media. Initially I didn't want to answer. I left my DM sitting there for a few days but... I felt this unexplainable pull. I hated her all these years, but for some reason when the option to take her back into my life came up... something in me missed her. I kept thinking back to the few happy times, and the curiosity was killing me. I finally messaged back, my father told me not to, but he said he couldn't stop me, I at least deserved some answers, and to get all my pent up hatred out at her for some closure. We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, she told me that her father in West Virginia picked her up, she started a new life, joined narcotics anonymous, but stayed low and didn't let herself be known. She met a genuinely good man at NA, who had convinced her to right her wrongs, quit drugs, and fix her family. They had 2 kids together (one with down syndrome), and she was a present, active mother. I felt a vicious jealousy. Why would she go and have 2 more kids when she had 2 that she abandoned? Why were they treated with love and a loving home when we went through hell...? Why didn't she make it up to us before she went and had more kids..?
My mind did weird things then. It made me need her approval. I kissed up to her, saying I forgave her. That I always knew everything was always her ex bfs fault and not hers.That we were sad when she left. I planned a trip to see her a month later and her new family, my friends all begged me it was a bad idea, to please please not go, and at least to not tell my brother about it. I listened to them, and didnt tell my brother any of this, I told him I was visiting a long distance friend.
I went, we had a pretty good time. Her kids were cute, and I absolutely adored her new lover. He was a good southern man, my gut told me that. He took me fishing, and let me talk through all my feelings. I finally had the relationship with her that I always craved. It felt sickening good, I was estatic. I didn't care about all of the weird signs, like the weird friends she had (looked like crack addicts), and how she managed to get a kind rich southern guy to take her in. I didn't even care. I was just happy to finally feel like I had her approval. I have a habit of bedwetting time to time from anxiety, I ended up having an accident and I was mortified. I cleaned it all up, but told her and, she said it was no big deal. She used to scream at me or hit me as a child for wetting the bed, and now she was reacting normally. It was like a new woman.
My trip was cut short by a week, she had to be rushed into hospital because her appedix was about to explode, she needed to recover and wouldnt be able to do anything fun with me for the remainder of the trip. I watchd her get taken by the ambulance, and was freaking out crying, I was so relieved when the surgery was a success. Her new man apologized profusely for all he stress and bought me a plane ticket back home to NY. He hugged me saying he would be so happy to see me again over the summer, and he had so much fun fishing with me. That he wanted to be a good step dad. He was a nice dude, just like my dad (a good guy she manipulated) I felt it in my gut. They both were at the airport, my mother in a wheelchair, and hugged me off. She said she loved me and to text her when I landed
I did, and got no response. Another day passed, nothing. I started to freak out and called her, only for it to go to voicemail. I messaged one of her friends sons who she Introduced me to. Asking if she was okay. He said he would get back to me once she responded to him, but them he too ghosted me. It was like she was never there. I called her partners work, and they said they would tell him to give me a call. Nothing. I was in despair. I assumed the worst, that she had died or something because of a surgery complication. I was so confused. I pushed it all out of my mind, wrote it off as a mystery even though it ate up at me. I always just justified it as a death, even though it made no sense. She was still following me on Facebook, but there wasn't activity for months when she was once super active. I deleted facebook a few months later because it just hurt.
It's been about 3 years since then. I needed to re-download facebook because my aunt wanted me to check something on matketplace... and I looked up her name just out of curiosity... shes been posting for over a year now. She's okay. She posts her kids, her fiance... she never once responded ro any of my messages yet. Not on text, not on Facebook messenger, no where.... I scrolled and scrolled, crying. I saw she got a new tattoo... a rose for each of her kids.... one for each of her two new kids, one for a miscarriage she had...two for our sisters who passed away... NONE for me or my brother. Like we don't even exist to her.
I don't know what to do. I want to know WHY. We finally had a good relationship, I finally forgave her. We finally could have been okay, saw each other a few times a year... she said she was happy to have me back in her life.... WHY? I'm so heartbroken and confused. I miss her. Was it because I wet the bed? I don't know. I know shes horrible, but I can't help but miss her so much it hurts. Should I continue trying to reach out, or just let her go..? How do I process thos? Any advice, or maybe a theory/explanation/comfort. Anything would help. I just need help. I don't know what to do...

When you wanted me to go on one last camping trip to try to change my mind, I didn’t go. Sometimes I feel torn about not going. Part of me was afraid at the time I’d fall back on my decision to leave. Part of me now just wishes I went. But when I think about the last camping trip we had, I think it’s for the best.
.......
I left work early that Friday so we could take off camping with your friends that weekend. We had to stop by and get some supplies at Walmart on the way. We were walking through walmart and I was having so much fun just being present and enjoying the moment because we were about to have a great weekend trip camping and I was so excited. In my bubbly excitement, I started lightheartedly making jokes and pointing at random objects, saying how this hatchet would make a great addition to our home, etc. You were distracted, with your mind elsewhere, thinking about what we actually needed. You half ignored me/half acknowledged me, in short responses “Oh that’s nice” “Yea that’s cool. Can we get back on track” And when I asked if we could get a veggie burger you told me no harshly and scolded me because you were trying to shop on a budget. The instant dismissal and tone in which you snapped hurt. In my defiance, I said “ Fine I’ll just get it myself so you don’t have to pay for it,” and You said “Fine whatever.” as you turned to keep walking with the cart. Several minutes later, we were in another aisle. I don’t remember what it was that I had pointed at again or asked if we could get. I just remember, you finally lost it with me. You lashed out at me, clearly fed up and pissed, raising your voice to berate me. “Can you SHUT UP and stop pointing at every little fucking thing in the store? Are you trying to annoy me?! I’m in a fucking rush here and I am trying to stay on track so we can get out to the camping site. Just. fucking. Stop.” you couldn’t deal with me. Me, who was just being myself. But to you, it felt like everything I was doing, everything I was saying was on purpose just to annoy you, just to get in your way.
The way you scolded me in public and told me to stop talking entirely just put an instant damper on my cheery mood. In that moment, for me, I was stunned. And I think that’s part of what hurt so much. Just the fact that you could lash out at me in that way, out of the blue. The fact that me being myself, just speaking my mind could make you so angry. The fact that you could, in an instant, be so cruel and uncaring, and speak to me with that tone. That tone that said you hated me, couldn’t stand me, like I was just a buzzing fly you could smack down at any given moment. Wondering why you even invited me if I annoy you so much. Wondering why you’re even with me if me just being myself makes you so angry. Wondering if I should have just been silent the whole time, so as not to trigger you because I didn’t know how to speak without enraging you.. It was just so clear to me in that moment, how little you respected me. And that hurt. Because the whole time, I just wanted your attention, I was trying to connect with you in my own way, trying to have fun and enjoy the moment because I loved you. But you didn’t even want to see me. And just me making attempts at light hearted banter was enough to send you into rage. Because that’s how little you wanted to do with me, that’s how little I meant to you. And I wasn’t even thinking these thoughts, it was an understanding that came to me in a feeling of hurt in a split second. It was understood through the tone of your voice, that threatening contemptuous tone. It was understood through the look in your eyes, warning me.
Immediately, I got quiet standing there with a feeling of whiplash, stunned by how suddenly you snapped and in an instant, I started crying. Tears welled up in my eyes of their own volition before I could even fully process. They say tears are often an unconscious defense mechanism, to let our caregivers know that this person needs to be cared for because they are hurt. But for some reason, whenever I cried, it always had the opposite impact on you.
When you noticed the tears forming, you looked at me with such intense disbelief and rage. With one look, a look I was well familiar with, you sent me into a terrified panic because I knew with that look that I was in trouble for daring to cry, that I had fucked up by showing my hurt, and that you were angrier for it. You rolled your eyes in such exasperation, like you really couldn’t deal with my audacity to dare tear up, and you exclaimed “ Oh my GAWWWD” while simultaneously turning away from me. I quickly tried to apologize and wipe my eyes “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to” You had already just walked off. I stood there a moment, trying to compose myself, before following after you. I looked around, expecting you to be close by but you had walked way across the store and were standing in the checkout line. You were silent when I came up, you didn’t even acknowledge me, and I looked up at you, watching you quietly seethe. Everything about your demeanor said that I had fucked up. Without looking at me, you leaned in close and said in a hushed warning voice “You better stop fucking crying right now,” like I was a child throwing a tantrum in the store. I responded emotionally, “I’m sorry” once more, as I wiped my eyes. I kept my head down, and made myself quiet and small, embarrassed that people could see. Red eyed, barely holding back tears, willing myself not to cry, we checked out one by one. Numb, I started silently scanning the veggie burgers you had tried to stop me from buying earlier, along with half of everything else. An older female Walmart employee walked by, and I ducked my head down to avoid eye contact, embarrassed she might be able to tell. I paid, and you silently checked out as well.
Later in the car, You went off on me, saying I shouldn't ever cry in public because someone might think you hit me and call the cops. You were more concerned with the way I made you look in public (which is why you walked away from me), then the fact that I was hurt, crying, and clearly upset. There was no apology, no admittance of being in the wrong. And I was just thinking that if you had shown any kind of empathy and acted like you gave a shit, asked me what's wrong or if i'm okay, put a hand on my shoulder, then no one would think you beat me. I said as much, and you said “Okay.” There was no “I’m sorry.” no “I was wrong.” Just okay, and silence.
As soon as we arrived at the site, and we unloaded our stuff, I went to grab a drink from the cooler, one that had been in the freezer at our house frozen solid, which had been sitting in the car for last couple hours In a bag of ice in The cooler, and I asked you as I grabbed it “Do you think it's thawed now?” thinking out loud.
And you just looked at me all incredulously as if you were amazed that I could say something so patently ridiculous and said “Thats the dumbest fucking question, why would you even ask that or think that it would still be frozen? Of course it's thawed. Are you an idiot?” You shook your head like you were disappointed I’d be so stupid. like it was so obvious and I was just this huge idiot for even having that passing thought let alone daring to share. You said it loud enough that I worried some of the other couples around us heard and I just remember feeling so hurt, so small, and stupid, on top of being embarrassed and ashamed. I felt so small, so disrespected, so dismissed, so ridiculed, and it hurt because it was coming from the one person I cared about. Instantly, I just got quiet, and sad. The way you could belittle me so easily and at a whim at any given moment, no matter what I said. Wondering why I even bother to speak with you at all. To ever ask you anything. To ever even speak out loud. I did my best to shove down my hurt feelings, to not let it show, and to carry on socializing with your friends. Because you had trained me well not to show that in front of other people, and I figured it wouldn’t go well having a meltdown in front of your friends.
And I remember during the evening by the campfire, I stayed up and listened to you and Joey speak. I was in the background, not saying anything, Just listening. And I remember having a lot of thoughts about the topics you were speaking about. But I didn’t say a word. The whole time. Because I just figured that was what you wanted from me. To be quiet. To not say anything stupid. To not piss you off. Because it was so clear to me how stupid and uninteresting my thoughts were to you. And I knew it was not safe to have a dissenting opinion during banter with you. It wasn’t like you ever even made an effort to include me in the conversation, to ask me what I thought anyway. And I figured it wasn’t even worth the risk to say the wrong thing. After Joey eventually went to bed, you tried to talk to me. And I was just kind of quiet, defeated, tired, unresponsive. You asked me “Why don’t you say anything.” I told you I was just tired. But the truth was I was upset, I was doing my best to bury my feelings, to not talk about it, because I knew you didn’t like it when I showed that I was upset. It’s hard to want to have a conversation with someone who will randomly punish you for saying the wrong thing. And I was terrified of doing that again. Like the way you punished me was infrequent, but frequent enough, where I never knew if I was going to trigger a bad response again.And I had no idea how to not say something you would find stupid, because everytime I triggered you, I was just being myself. So then I was left feeling like I couldn’t speak my mind or say anything at all because I could step on a land mine at any given moment.
Later that night as I drifted to sleep, I started wondering if you got that new air mattress and tent from your camping trip with Josie. The one you lied to me about. And I wondered if she slept on this mattress with you back then, in the same tent.
Throughout the weekend, this dynamic continued and colored the rest of the trip, which for that reason ended up being not as great as I had thought it would be. Any fun and casual conversation I was having would be immediately ruined by you calling me an idiot who didn't know what I was talking about. It really hurt every time and it was like you didn't even realize you were doing it. That cruelty, that belittling, that contempt, it just came so naturally to you.
And then there was the whole incident with the cave conversation. When I finally decided to join in the conversation between you and Joey’s kid nephew talking about the cave system. And I asked apparently a stupid question. And the way that you belittled me so callously and cruelly right infront of that kid. That shit hurt. And he was just watching us, looking back and forth. And I remember turning away and discontinuing engaging in the conversation because I couldn’t get into it with you then. I just sat there, in the lawn chair, willing myself not to cry, while I thought about how depressed and lonely I was. I started talking to Joey’s sweet little niece who came up and started showing me pictures, and I just nodded and smiled, talking to her while half out of it, just trying to hold back my tears. And honestly, I had a better conversation with her than I had with you the entire trip. They say kids can be cruel because they are socially inept, but those kids were so much nicer than you..
Later you were so convinced you were in the right you said “Even the kid was looking at you like you were stupid because you clearly didn’t know what you were talking about because you weren’t in the cave” And Im just thinking this has nothing to do with me not understanding caves and everything to do with your cruelty and the way you constantly put me down like its second fucking nature. But you couldn’t understand that. You were so convinced you were right, and I was wrong.
And towards the end I stopped engaging in conversation all together if you were present because I didn't want to be punished for saying the wrong thing. And I just remember thinking how sad it was that your friends spoke to me with more respect than my own boyfriend and I started wondering why I ever even agreed to go on this trip in the first place.
And you wonder why i didn’t want to go camping with you again after the last time.

Before I explain, I know that I probably sound like a naive idiot. I just still want perspectives, so please read if you have the time. Thank you.
Yesterday my bf and I hung out and I randomly asked if he had the leftover condoms (should have been 2 left out of the 3 pack) that we opened around 2 weeks ago. He said he didn’t have them anymore and took out the empty box. I then calmly asked him where the other 2 were, and he immediately became defensive and said he doesn’t know. I remained calm and asked him again and asked how he doesn’t know, and he seemed to be getting more and more angry while repeating that he doesn’t know. He then tried to tell me that we used 2 of of the 3 condoms and was adamant on that, but I kept saying we only used one. Then, he said that he suddenly remembered he used the condom to jerk off by himself because he wanted to in the car during his break at work and didn’t have a rag, but still doesn’t know where the third condom is.
I have his location and he’s never been somewhere that was suspicious, he doesn’t leave me on delivered for long and will send pictures (like if he’s at work and I want to see a selfie or he saw something cool), he usually texts me during his breaks, he never has an issue if I want to be posted on social media, etc. and most other things in the relationship are fine and I genuinely didn’t ever question him of cheating otherwise. The only factor stopping me from breaking up due to cheating is that I just can’t think of a time where he would have been doing it.
Another thing, one time he had lied about something (non-cheating related) and admitted he lied because I wasn’t buying into what he was telling me. His reaction was the same that time- the frustration, etc. he is usually a calm person otherwise when questioned.
Let me know your thoughts please

Hi all - After a good month of test drives and searching around multiple dealers I've got my selection down to 2:
The first contender (and the one i'm mostly decided on) Is a 2019 black audi tt, S line quattro with 21k miles from evan halshaw @ £23130
The second, a 2019 white audi tt, sport quattro with 29k miles on the clock from browns mitsubishi @ £22000
On paper, it's obviously pretty heavy in favor of the black; lower mileage, higher trim level and in my preferred colorway. Evans Halshaw I hear overwhelmingly negative things about and all but refused to haggle at all (stating that it was 'company policy' to not discount its cars - which is about what I'd expect with the general attitude towards them from forums). Still, I'd find it pretty hard to pay nearly the same amount for extra miles and lower trim. hopefully when i go back towards the end of the month they'll be more incentivized to talk numbers. Browns was initially 23k but more willing to talk price, and reduced to 22.
This is my first time buying a car, with my former being a beater hand me down 10 plate chevy spark i loved dearly. Are the prices i've quoted considerably more than you'd expect someone to pay or on the other side of the coin competitively priced hence evan halshaw's refusal to discuss it?
I'll be paying cash, but am aware that it may serve me better to just go with the best deal I can get (likely finance) and then just cancel the contract and settle for cash during the cooling off period - unless this is only regarding distance purchases and not in person deals.
Any advice is much appreciated - Thanks!

What does becoming a teacher mean to me?
It means adulthood. What is adulthood? Adulthood is living in a house, or an apartment or away from one's family of origin. Yes, I know some races of persons live in extended families. For me, adulthood means living elsewhere. Teaching to me means the ability to get this for myself.
Adulthood means land. I want to eventually have control over the food I eat. I want to grow my own vegetables, my own fruits without pesticides and other strange chemicals. Adulthood means the ability for me to have my own land.
Adulthood means a car. It means not making multiple trips to and fro places. It means not burning up in the hot, hot sun. It means not being tired physically carrying myself to so many places. It means comfort, driving, cool air, not being exposed to the rain, or having to ride with persons who may make me uncomfortable with their sexually suggestive banter. Adulthood means the ability for me to get a car.
Adulthood means a career. It means having something to do on a weekly basis. It means having the protections of a career, namely access to things - possible loans among others. Adulthood means having the chance to have a career.
Adulthood means having a salary. Having a salary means having the ability to move around in the world. In many a place, women are held back from moving about in the world. Women are oftentimes tied to a man. They are prevented from having their own money. Their energies are allocated to child rearing, caring for a home, caring for elders. I realize how fortunate I am that I have had access to higher education, to indeed have a career. Adulthood means the ability to have a career.
Adulthood means savings. Savings means security. It means being able to afford one's needs, emergency or not. Savings means enjoyment, comfort. Adulthood would mean I could get a chance to have savings.
Adulthood means strong relationships. Or rather, different ones. It means navigating life with coworkers, hobby friends, relatives, your own parents as an adult. It means changing dynamics. Adulthood would afford me the ability to have strong relationships.
Teaching means adulthood. Adulthood is good. It means leaving the private market, and entering the safety and comfort of the public market. It means leaving independent contracting work in favor of salary. It means taking my place in society, as a worker, and having a title. It means being a woman. I am biologically a woman. But now, I'd be more of a woman, a self-sufficient woman.
Teaching means having little luxuries, my creature comforts. It means a stove, a refrigerator, a washer dryer combo in my own place. It means controlling who is around me, and that I can choose to leave when I wish. Teaching means health, that I can have a varied diet. It means maintenance, that I can look my best, and engage the services of beauty professionals to get my nails done, my hair done, my makeup done, and buy more high-quality, in style clothing.
Teaching means hobbies. It means stability in my work schedule, so that I can do other things in the off times. This can mean starting a business, having a hobby, hanging out with others, or just catching up on some sleep. Teaching may mean travel abroad. It may mean stamps in my passport, a visa or two. Teaching means general enjoyment. That's what it means to me.
I find the gatekeeping of long-term, well-paying employment wicked. Yes, I know persons must specialize, take their trainings to perform their jobs well. But when you have persons willing and able to do a job, why prevent them from doing so? It doesn't make sense I think.
This is a momentous occasion. I'm getting ready to take a place in life. This sets the stage for many more things. What shall I do to commemorate the occasion? Well, I'm writing this post, so that's one thing. I want to dress up and take myself somewhere when I get my first salary. Secretary, put that on the books. One outing with me well done up when I first get paid, okay?
Life is good. Me moving into this new stage means that I would have learned enough to get me here. I have learned a lot, truly. I learned about men, and dating. I learned about people, friends, not so friends. I've learned about me, what I want, what I do not want, the kind of life I want to life, and what others expect of me. I've learned about reasonable expectations, and what it means to be an adult living with other adults. I've learned about security, and investment, romantic investment, what it looks like, and what it does not look like. I've learned to choose me, but make allowances for others. I've learned about others. I've learned that it's not always only about me, that I don't exist in a vacuum, and that my life is not only my own.
I've learned that there is so much to explore with me. I think I know me, but this new stage is going to make me grow more, and be more me.
So that's what teaching means to me. I'm sure it will mean a lot more, like getting to show off my skills, and getting to educate a generation. I'm sure it'll mean other things like routine, and monotony, trudging through the day for the sake of supporting myself. But I'm ready. I know the material. I've done this before. Things will go well. Others have done it. And now is my turn. It's my turn. It's my turn. It's. My. Turn.
I don't have to fight anyone for it. It's my turn. I don't have to beg anyone for it. It's my turn. I don't have to steal it. It's my turn. I don't have to pay for it. I believe I've already paid a lot. Also, It's. My. Turn. It's my turn to enjoy myself. It's my turn to advance, and get my master's degree, and get my doctorate. Let me change my name a bit, yeah? I've done the work. I've put in my time. I haven't promised to support anyone financially. I haven't sired any children that I must care for. I'm not cheating anyone by not working and expecting payment. I'm just here, signing up for work, preparing myself as best I can, and waiting my turn, just like everyone else.
I come wanting to work. I come wanting to do good work. I come wanting to cooperate. I come ready. It is time. It is my time. Let's do this.
On we go.

I have a 2008 Hyundai Sonata with 199k miles on it. Recently the check engine light has been on and there was a burning smell coming from my car but it was running mostly fine. I took it in and the scanner said it was an O2 sensor which I have since replaced. The mechanic said the burning smell was a valve cover gasket leaking oil onto the engine which was also replaced. I was sitting idle a few days later and the oil light came on followed by the engine producing a ton of smoke. I turned it off and let it cool down for around 2 hours. I realized the radiator fan was unplugged when the mechanic had done work on the car which is likely why it overheated while idle. Now the engine is rattling when I accelerate and the oil light is occasionally coming on while I am idle. The car has an adequate amount of oil and coolant so I was wondering if it's an oil pressure problem related to the oil pump or something similar. I am not a car guy so if anyone has any advice on what it could be please let me know. I really hope the car is not permanently damaged from overheating. I attached a video of the sound of it rattling while driving.
TLDR: The Mechanic left the radiator fan unplugged and the car overheated. Now there is a rattling noise when I accelerate.
https://reddit.com/link/1cvw0wc/video/mhxegjojof1d1/player
since

Drove a 2007 chevy cobalt my whole life and was recently rear ended, expecting it to be totaled.
I am open to a few options having looked around this sub but cannot decide on what might be best.
I really do not drive very often, less than 2000 miles per year, but I do need a car for work. Looking to probably pay cash in the 10-15k budget range. I have seen the following in my area for this price range:

• 2008-2011 ES350s w about 100-125k miles, this listing caught my eye
• avalons are all over the place year and price wise. but this seemed like a decent option. i am not sure i see the benefit of this model over a camry.
• camrys seem to be more or less same yeamiles as ES350s, but i could potentially get a hybrid model for the same price. example
• corollas in this price range are commonly available in like 2022 2023 models with 100-125k miles on them already. i feel like i should be steering clear of that kind of abuse, but in terms of getting safer and better tech, corollas seem like a much better bet than any of the others?

I am stuck trying to pick what route to go. The goal would be to drive it till it dies. I don't want a big payment on a new car for how little I drive and don't want to finance with how terrible rates are right now.
Features i am looking for:

• bluetooth audio required
• headroom required (i am tall)
• premium speakers highly preferred
• heated/cooled seats highly preferred
• remote start highly preferred (this seems to be quite rare and generally out of my price range, which i find odd)
• reverse camera nice but not necessary.
• AWD nice but not necessary.

TL;DR Basically I want to call the cops on my drug dealer roommates to get them out but I’m worried I’m also going to get in trouble considering my knowledge of this.
I live with 3 other people in a house (they live under the table, they’re not on the lease) and about 2 months ago I realized that all three of them were dealing weed and other drugs out of the house, people coming over frequently and the constant smell of weed in the house and at one point seen a huge duffel bag of lots of weed. I told them if you guys are going to live here this can’t be going on in the house since I didn’t want any trouble with the neighbors and police. They agreed at first and had moved everything out of the house up until a week ago when I again saw large amounts of weed just sitting in my kitchen counter. I’ve tried to kick them out but they refuse and don’t want to push further since I worry they might destroy my items, car and house if I continue to try to kick them out (they’re drug dealers after all, they listen to no one)
I’m so sick and tired of random people coming into the house all the time, mess being made everywhere, weed crumbs all over the floor and constant commotion happening in the middle of the night when I’m trying to sleep. I’m at the point where I just want to call the cops or go to the station and tell them my situation and praying that they can be removed by police without having any consequences on my behalf. I’m not entirely sure what to say to police if I decide to have law enforcement involved to end all of this, so I don’t also get in trouble for being an “accomplice”.
Reason why I let them move in is because my old roommate bailed on me so I was stuck with the full rent and one of my friends told me his cousin and 2 other friends were looking for a place to stay so I met them and thought they were pretty cool. Boom, rent issue solved…right? Sure but the experience living with them has been horrible.
The lease is up in about one and a half months and that’s why I’m hesitant to involve police if I can just deal with it for a little bit more time but I’ve honestly had enough I just want them out NOW.

Rate how I spec'd our M340i! https://www.bmwusa.com/build-your-own.html#/studio/fbqngq03/summary
Background: My wife and I have been sharing our 2021 Mazda CX-5 Grand Touring Reserve (2.5T), but with our first child on the way, we need a second car. While I commute 3-4 days a week and she works from home, we can imagine a ton of situations where she would need her own car. We test drove almost every sporty sedan on the market (G70, TLX Type-S, C43, S4), but we made the mistake of driving the M340i first. It was the benchmark we compared everything against and we didn't feel anything measured up to its comfort, features, tech, build quality, engine/transmission combo and – if we're being honest – brand cachet. My wife would have been perfectly fine with a 330i (she previously owned a E90 328ix), but since we plan to keep this car for at least 10 years, I wanted to get the legendary B58.
We looked at buying used but thanks to advice from many folks in this subreddit, we were able to swing a 5% discount on a new car from our local dealer plus $1,000 discount for using BMWFS. (For those coming from the personal finance subs: we're borrowing the minimum amount and paying it off in 3 months.)
Commentary on the spec:

• Tanzanite Blue: Both M340is we test drove were this color and my wife immediately fell in love with it.
• Cognac interior: Another choice by my wife who has great taste.
• High gloss ash grey trim: I looked at all the interior trim options at the dealership and while I usually don't like glossy trim, I thought this blended in the best with the black dash. The cognac provides enough interior contrast.
• 18" wheels: When the all-season tires wear out, the 18s will get wintesnow tires and I'll get a 19" wheel/tire set.
• Premium Package: Duh.
• Driving Assistance Package: These are features that came standard on the Mazda so we wanted to have them.
• Shadowline Package: I really like the blacked out trim - pure vanity!
• Adaptive M Suspension: A small price to pay for the added comfort of driving on mediocre Twin Cities streets.
• Power tailgate and remote start: Convenience and features that also came standard on the Mazda.

We briefly considered the Parking Assistance Package, but we didn't need the 360º cameras, even though it's a really cool feature. This'll be my first BMW and first sedan (!) so I'm super excited. Overall, our car seems lightly spec'd and it's exactly what we want/need. This sub has been a great resource for me already!

Hi all, i will try to describe how i feel as best as i can, but to be honest, i dont really know what it is. This may be a little long because i have to add context to describe a few things. I was diagnosed with BPD, PTDS, Anxiety and OCD about 5 years ago
I am 38F, my partner of 9 years is 34M. The relationship is rather rocky at times, but for the most part we work through it. Ive had some CBT to help control my emotional reactions, which worked really well, but i think y partner also needs the same thing, as when he gets mad, he doesnt just talk things through, he has a very nasty tongue. I wont go into some of the things hes said because they would immediately create a profile for him and i wont get non-biased opinions in here because everyone is likely to just hate him. I also used to have a nasty tongue but my CBT gave me the means to have a lot of self control, so i havent been like that for years.
Thing is, my partner and I live together, but we barely do anything. last thing we did was visit a waterpark for his birthday, thats all we've done in 2024. small things like a 2 hour comedy show then straight home to bed (and no time spent together before that either) happen sometimes, or we sit at home watching a tv series or playing a videogame, but that isnt often either.
Now heres my issue with my feelings, all the above in mind, we had a bad fight 10 days ago and he said some really hurtful things, also refused to apologise because it was my fault for 'winding him up' (i was correcting where he told me things i did during the day, that he didnt even see, but obv i did because its me) by being argumentative. So my feelings shut off completely, i was numb to him emotionally, both happy and sad. he has since apologised and promised to get therapy, but hasnt done any of it yet. Im still rather withdrawn, but open enough to sleep with him last night, however kissing him felt rather forced. Today he is out with his friends like he does once a week and i HATE it. He's gone for a full 12 hours every time he goes, its a 1 hour drive there and 1 hour back, so i guess a long day makes the driving and petrol cost worth it. but i just hate that hes going there and whats worse, it sounds real fun because theres BBQ on. I feel really negative about this whole thing but i dont know what it is. i dont want to stop him having fun, but i dont want him to go either. at the same time, after what keeps happening (the arguments are about 1 every 6 weeks and they hurt my heart like hell!) i dont even want him to spend time with me. if he asked me now id say yes just to be polite but tbh i dont know what i even want. the last few times we had bigger plans than watching stuff on tv, we argued so he cancelled. i had to host a family bbq 9 days ago which we were both excited about but we fought so i had to do alone, he decided last minute before everyone arrived, to come and help me but only because i practically begged. He drives and i dont, so also during this fight he dropped me off to collect my son from school then drove off and left me there (its an hour walk, or 2 seperate buses). (i told my son i got the bus because the car was broke, we are good at keeping civil when my son is around, i cant exactly fault partner for that)
But yeah, what the hell is this feeling i have? i resent partner for all this bad crap, esp recently because a lot happened over 10 days, but over the years ive been promised change and hes finally saying he will accept therapy (though hasnt even got on the list yet). Im jealous (i think) that hes out doing all this cool stuff with his friends, but i dont want him here doing things with me anyway. (there are times we've had fights because i was sick and asked him to stay instead of going to friends and he screamed at me, then went anyway, after id just spent 2 days taking care of him). am i wrong for feeling this way? i dont want to be accused of bringing up the past (the sick thing was back in feb) but i think all these things are painting a really bad picture of him in my head and i dont know what to do. leaving him isnt really an option right now as i need his half of the rent and bills in order to be able to afford to live here, plus, i actually dont want him gone....for some reason.
im so confused......

He had Lewy body dementia and had been sick for a long time. I was pushing his wheelchair on the walkway to our home when we got back from the hospital and he went into cardiac arrest. He fell out of the wheelchair and I just screamed and pleaded for him to wake up. He had fallen many times before but he always got up. The man who had always been my protector had become the one I was meant to protect. I can still hear myself scream “daddy wake up!! Please, this can’t be happening!”, but I had no control. I always thought I’d be cool and calm under pressure and not someone screaming, adding no help to the situation, maybe even making it worse. But there I was screaming my head off for him to wake up.
The neighbors all tried to help and the ambulance came but he was gone. I can’t walk past the spot where it happened without seeing it all over again, and I have to do it at least twice a day, everyday.
One of the saddest things is that my brother wasn’t in the country and he beats himself up over the fact my mom and I had to go through such a traumatic event, and wishes it could have been him to experience it instead of us.
The year anniversary is coming up in June and I just can’t stop seeing it when I close my eyes. I can’t stop hearing him singing in the car ride on the way home before the unimaginable happened.
I’m not looking for answers or sympathy, it just weighs so heavy on my chest and I don’t want to burden the people I love with how I feel, so.. sorry guys if I’m dumping it on you

First Post dito pls forgive my mistakes
Hii me and my gf is in a relationship for almost a year na, both of us are Long Distance although pareho kaming nasa manila malayo lang ung places namen kaya pinupuntahan ko nalng sya thru LRT and stuff, pero since september last year nagkwento girlfriend ko saken na gumawa sya ng account sa litmatch. bigyan ko lang ng context, previous friend groups ko kinukwento saken about nakakahanap ng fubu/hookup sa litmatch kaya doon napasok ung idea saken na pang dating/hookups ung litmatch platform. syempre nung nalaman ko na naglilitmatch sya nagalit ako initially binobombard ko ng messages saying na "bat ka pa maglilitmatch kung may jowa ka na" mga ganto ganyan. The evening of the same day tumawag saken girlfriend ko at sinabi na nagdelete na daw sya ng litmatch at akong si tanga naman naniwala kase sabi ko "promise mo na hindi monayan gagamitin" tas sinabi nya oo. then november comes between final half ng november and early december hindi ako kinausap ng girlfriend ko for her reasons na sobrang busy at family problems daw syempre akong si tanga naniwala ulet pero for one week lang after a month i decided to break up with her, it should be the end sana pero nagchat sya ulet na pwedeng magkita and me still being hurt nag agree, and we talked personally and "fixed" the relationship, keep in mind nasa isip ko that time hindi na sya naglilitmatch and actually busy at having family problems talaga. pero FAST FORWARD NAMAN sa febuary this year nung nagtanong ako sa random guy na palong palo mag comment sa second account ng girlfriend ko sabi daw nya nakilala daw nya sa litmatch ung girlfriend ko, syempre ako that night durog na durog na may halong inis and my feelings got the best of me and i bombarded her with messages to the point na parang i got cheated ung messages ko, we didnt talk for a week, tas after everything cooled down we talk civilly and sinabi nya saken na "friend" lang daw ung lalaking yon na sinamahan nya nung nagbreak sila ng gf nya, and i also learned na naka buo sya ng circle of friends na mainly adults sa litmatch, for which i tolerated naman since one of the peeps doon naging sobrang friendly saken.
pero here's the thing, ayoko parin gumamit ung girlfriend ko ng litmatch, ilang beses kona sinabi ito sakanya pero pinipilit pilit parin na pang friends lang ung litmatch. everytime na active at nagpopost sya sa litmatch i always get uncomfortable and even FUCKING RECENTLY kinuwento nya saken na nakipag reconnect daw sya sa lalaking muntikan na magka something sakanila and inargue daw nya na wala nang feelings ung lalaki nayon sakanya and pure friendship lang. im so fucking lost ngayon lalo na malapit na kameng mag 1 year anniversary pero holy shit grabe ung uncomfort at pain na naexperience ko sa first relationship

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

~~

Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

~~

What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


~~

Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

~~

Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

~~

If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

~~

"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

~~

Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

~~

If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

~~

The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

~~

What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

~~

Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

~~

The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

~~

How do you find your purpose? You create it.

~~

Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

~~

Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

~~

A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

~~

How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

~~

If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

~~

10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

~~

‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

~~

Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

~~

Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

~~

Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

~~

‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

~~

Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

~~

Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

~~

‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

~~

How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

~~

Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

~~

Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

~~

Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

~~

I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

~~

I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

~~

A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

~~

A good actress will melt into her role.

~~

Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

~~

How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

~~

Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

~~
· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

~~

The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

~~

People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~