17th birthday quotes for girls

Hi! I’ve been trying to remember a book I had to read in the early 90s in elementary school maybe 5th grade. It was a historical fiction. Details I remember- there were African American servants maybe living with or just working in the home of rich southern white folks. There was a young girl’s birthday party and the girl requested a baked Alaska as dessert. There was a whole big ordeal surrounding this cake and the young black servant girl was partially responsible for helping to make this cake. Mentions of an icebox. I believe disaster ensued with the cake.
These are the only details I remember! I feel like the book centered around the young black girl who either worked in the home or was the daughter of the maid, and she was close to the age of the white birthday girl. It was a lot about the black experience in the south. Help!!! I’m creating a book list for my kids to read and I can’t get this one out of my head, so it obviously stuck with me!

TLDR boyfriend’s girl friend gifted him a perfume soaked Cat plush that I think is supposed to represent her. She’s also gifted him what seems to be kinda personalised things to their relationship. Am I looking too much into it or was that her way of flirting with my boyfriend.
I 26f, boyfriend 29m have been together for 2 and a half years. His friend who is a girl (they have known each other for 1 and a half years) just randomly gave him a perfume soaked Cat plush when she came over for our last dnd session.
I asked him about it and if the cat meant anything to him and he said it was from a anime movie they had went to see with a group of people last last year. It was a black cat with green eyes. He said that she often refers to herself as his black cat and he is a fox. So the gift must have also been a reference to her aswell. She also gifted him a fox dice holder for christmas and has also drew him two portraits for the two birthdays she’s known him for. One of him with foxes and another of him being a barman in a tavern with a black cat sitting at the bar.
She also confessed to him before Christmas that there might be some feelings from her end even tho she has said she is a lesbian. Since then she has backed off and was ignoring him more and others in the dnd group. Just the past few weeks she has started talking more again and I thought it was past us and all was good and she was worried I hated her.
Now she has given him that gift and I just wanted to know if I am overthinking it or if she was trying to say something by that. I’ve not said anything to her and don’t talk much to after she told him she liked him. My boyfriend accepted the gift and was laughing and didn’t really say anything much about it. He says he feels awkward and doesn’t want to break up the dnd party by saying anything and is being quite passive and saying she didn’t meant anything by the gift. I just wanted to know what others thought because I thought it was quite disrespectful to gift something like that and also have it soaked in her perfume! Do you think I’m looking too much into it?

I know I already posted this, but I decided to post it again now that HMHAS is out...
Don't Smile at Me Era: Any song from Ocean Eyes to Lovely
When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go? Era: Any Song from You Should See Me in a Crown to No Time to Die
Happier than Ever Era: Any Song from My Future to What Was I Made For? (Hotline Edit doesn't count bc it was a soundcloud exclusive so it would either go under DSAM or Bonus)
Hit Me Hard and Soft Era (This one is for after May 17th :D): Any song from Skinny to present
Bonus: Any unreleased song (or soundcloud exclusive) such as sHE's brOKen or True Blue (unreleased version)
My Picks:
DSAM: Idontwannabeyouanymore
WWAFAWDWG: I Love You
HTE: Overheated
HMHAS: Chihiro (Was my favorite from the snippets and still is! This song tickles my brain)
Bonus: sHE's brOKen
Now do least favorite from each era!
My Picks:
DSAM: Copycat (no particular reason, I just like the rest of the DSAM era songs better)
WWAFAWDWG: All the Good Girls Go to Hell (idk I just dont like it)
HTE: Getting Older (Im so sorry to those who like this song, but I personally think this song is really long and boring Im sorryyyyyy)
HMHAS: Lunch (I feel like this song doesn't really fit the album's vibe, but its a bop and I dont dislike it)
Bonus: Vertigo (I dont really like the 2016 voice vox sound it has... if you dont know the song, look up unreleased songs on billie eilish fandom)

First of all english is not my first languange so sorry for any gramatical mistakes.
So I (16F) and my best friend (15F) know each other since the start of middle school. And at the start of the year she met a boy in her PE class and he dmd her (some says as a joke some not we dont really know). They start speaking but at first only on insta never in school. Then he start ignoring her then respkea to her. That Go on until now when hé start to say he is « serious » but i am hearing he want to Go around girls this summer so it’s weird. While this story I was alaways advising my friend but she never listen to me so it started to piss me of because I was dealing with my own shit at the time (still am). And every Time I talk about the situation she start to tell shit on my exes so pissing me off even more. We talk less and less and today I sent her a message saying that I wasn’t angry at her but just piss off by this and everything and she start telling me that I talk like shit and that I hurt her feeling and other people says that to and that she just can tell me to stop because it’s my « personality ». So I tell her to just say when im being mean because I want to change and she just left me on read and when I call her out she say that I just want to fight with her and that she doesn’t know what I want her to say. I just tell her that an « ok » would have been enough so she tells me ok and change the lock screen of our conversation from heart to plain. I am in the wrong ? Pls I just need advice her birthday is in two weeks what do i do ?

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and let's call them Ellie 18F and Hannah 18F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
What should I do?
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

Long story so please bear with me
I was with my first love for 3 and a bit years, we met in late 2010 before we broke up 10 years ago in early 2014. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.
I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy after me for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.
After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways. I was really at my lowest at that point but have come a really long way since in terms of having a successful career and have improved a lot financially and mentally.
At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her, I regretted deleting her afterwards.
At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around over 2 years ago. A few monthds ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022. Her ex husband is already engaged and due to get married again this summer.
As for me I did get in to another relationship with someone else but I was also cheated on so I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her last year but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.
So around 3 months ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she had accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a month ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. I posted a few pictures of myself which she hasn't liked but A few weeks ago I posted a quote on my story that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote and also another one that I posted last week. It was my birthday a few days ago and she liked a birthday story that I posted on instagram.
I'm assuming she is single but not entirely sure. I added her 3 months ago but now she has deleted me, I was confused because she only liked one of my stories few days prior. At the time of her deletion, i was on holiday performing umrah. I would have liked to see if there was future for us but don't think she's interested now, i have messaged her after she deleted me saying 'Hi, hope your well. I probably should have said something a long time ago but I didn't, my fault. I've been praying for you, today I realise I've been deleted anyways I hope your keeping happy and healthy'. She replied saying 'Hey I'm good thanks hope you are too, that is kind of you, I didn't expect this kind of message'.
I didn't really know what to say back to her, I still don't understand why she deleted me even though days before she was showing an interest in my stories before and now she's deleted me. I just replied saying 'that's good. Sorry for catching you off guard with it, I wanted to reach out to you earlier. I'm glad your doing well though' and then she has replied back saying 'can I ask why?' I replied back saying 'It's been on my mind for a while to get back in touch with you, I didn't add you for no reason. But we don't need to if it's not something your comfortable with'. She then sent a long message as follows: 'You don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I have thought about you over the years and wished you well. I am really happy that you have also been called to do umrah and i hope it changes your life the same way it did mine. I removed you because you have my ex and his family on your instagram and I removed everyone who has any contact with them. You will have heard that I was married there for a short period of time but it was hell and now I’m out of it I don’t want them knowing anything about my life, so I removed everyone who has any link with them. I didn’t realise till that day that you did. It was nothing to do with you personally.' .
Im not actually friends with her ex husband as he is just someone that lives nearby to me and we have never spoken so I replied with this: 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I hope your okay and I pray god brings you ease. I wouldn't exactly say I have anything to do with them personally though, only thing I know about them is that they're from my area too. It makes sense now and it's understandable why you did that.'
She replied back again saying 'I'm great, God is the best of planners and it was the best thing for me. Even so, I removed everyone who had us both so sorry about that' and to which I replied 'That's fair enough, I'm glad to hear your doing well though and that your at peace now. That's what matters most'. She then asked 'how have you been, what's new with you?' I replied saying 'I'm not too bad thanks, life's changed a lot since we last spoke so there's quite a lot that's new lol'. after that we were speaking generally about the holiday that I'm currently on and what to do as she has been here before too and she also asked how long I'm there for and she asked who ive gone with and how long im on holiday for, it was in general a short and civilised conversation and the conversation happened whilst i was still deleted.
Towards the end of the conversation she said 'well i hope you have a lovely time 😊' and i replied with thank you and asked her when she was on holiday here, she replied saying that she went last November and the year before so then i replied saying 'oh nice, its good to go often. Need to make it a yearly thing' She ended the conversation 12 nights ago by liking that last message i sent, I don't know if she plans to message me again, What are the chances that she'll message me even if we don't follow each other on instagram anymore.
I am slightly anxious that she won't message me after this due to her deleting me because her ex is on my Instagram. Was thinking of just giving her space for a few more days, then deleting her ex and requesting her back in around in a few days bear in mind she deleted me 2 weeks ago and we havent spoken in 12 days. In the meantime i have been removing a lot of meaningless connections from my instagram and i will be removing her ex and his family too, i have also noticed that her number of following has also decreased as she has also been cutting down on the number of connections she has. I blame myself for this situation because I had the opportunity to delete her ex and his family a few months ago as I don't even speak to them, had I done that then she wouldn't have deleted me. Its been 2 weeks, should i take action or give her space?

Im pretty sure no one will see this but Im 16 almost 17 ftm and I’ve wanted to start transitioning medically since age 14 but was scared to tell my parents who are both transphobic and homophobic, plus my mom is one of those Christians who lash out at trans and gay people. So I knew there was no way I could come out to them so for 4 years I’ve just been rotting in my room waiting until I’m 18 so I can transition. Finally on my 15th birthday I cut ALL of my hair off at school and came out to my parents, my dad just ignored it of course but my mom did NOT take it well she ignored it too and didn’t speak to me about it for like 2 weeks until she said that’s she’s getting me a therapist.
I went to the therapist for like 6 months and it fucking sucked ass, it was so humiliating talking to someone who clearly didn’t understand my situation and all she did was ask how my day was and then tell me time is over like bruh. So on my 16th birthday I got so tired of it and after the therapist appointment when I got in the car I didn’t want to talk to my mom and juts put my AirPods in and ignored her and man she got MAD.
She yelled at me saying “Are you fucking kidding me, what? What’s wrong? OHHH you’re mad because I won’t let you take the medication that you want to take? IM SO SURE! You act like your the most miserable kid in the world always whining about how you life isn’t perfect.” “I will NEVER let you take that medicine crap NEVER, once you get your own money and grow up you can do whatever the hell you want.” God mad you a girl! “I’m Sooo sorry he didn’t make you how you wanted to be”😒 This is not normal it’s unnatural! Your not normal! No matter what medicine you take or what surgeries you have you will never be a boy, you will always be my girl!
Hearing that from my mom who I love so much really destroyed me. She ended up crying and yelling so much that she couldn’t drive so she pulled over and juts got out the car and went outside the car to smoke. I was juts sitting there in shock with tears rolling out of my eyes but a frown on my face. All I couldn’t think about was how the rest of my family would react they are almost all religious and I know they will never love me the same. My mom came back in the car and for the whole hour home she juts kept bitching to me the whole time asking “why are you still crying” like are you fucking serious. I wanted to jump out the car on the highway face first
This happened about 7 months ago and I’m going to turn 17 this year. Junior year is coming up and when I tell you I CANNOT get through another 2 years of getting dead named and misgendered. I’m literally on the verge of constantly wanting to end everything and juts be done because i have no friends. and it feels like everyone hates me. Summer is here and it’s so hot but if I don’t have my binder on I will not leave the house I hate my chest so much I wish I could just rip it off and my voice is the worst. I never talk to anyone and I get In Trouble at school for not doing presentations and for missing so much school due to dysphoria. Also I’m pretty sure my ribs are also fucked up because I’m always in pain when I wear my binder and when I look in the mirror my ribs look wrong but I don’t even care anymore.
School is so fucking stupid we do NOTHING. I’m not even joking when I say I finished the whole breaking bad series at school plus some other movies like Deadpool because we do nothing it’s juts like I’m wasting my life away and it’s so frustrating all I do is go to school to watch movies and get called slurs all day.
I’m not sure why I’m posting this or what kind of advice I’m looking for and it’s okay if your don’t have any. I think I juts really needed to get this off my shoulders thanks for anyone who read this . 💙

My (30F) boyfriend dated a girl for a year and some change before we got together. I’m not really the jealous type, like I think it’s ok to bring up an ex once in a while as we’re all human with some history.
But it got to be we couldn’t pass a single day without hearing a story about her, and it would even get to the point that if we were at a grocery store and we walked past a food item she liked, I had to hear a story about that food item. I told him, once, when this particular incident happened that it felt unnecessary and I was getting a bit tired of hearing about her every day. He said he was sorry.
We went for a trip together for my birthday. As soon as we started getting out of bed, he had to tell me a story of how she gave him a shitty gift for his birthday. Honestly soured my mood for a bit but since we were on vacation I decided to overlook it as I didn’t want to start an argument so far from home.
Then recently, I got him some new furnishings for his room. New bed frame as his was falling apart, new rug to replace the one he had (it was threadbare), new sheets, that kind of stuff. Then he told me every time his life improved he heard his ex’s nagging voice in his head saying “why weren’t things this nice when we were together?”
This one stung. It felt as if he was saying to me that he’s still thinking of his ex every time I do something nice for him. He says he doesn’t want to get back together with her but then why do I constantly have to hear about her? Why can’t he just enjoy when something improves in his life without hearing her complain in his head about it?
So internet strangers, am I being unreasonable about being upset here, or is there an actual problem?
TL;DR: my boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex all the time everyday and has even said every time something in his life improves he thinks of how pissed she’d be. Am I being crazy that this is feels upsetting?

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

You ma'am were my everything, from the moment I first saw you walking to my tow truck. I was in aww of you in that moment I was so hooked I can't explain it in any other way. I just needed to get to know the real you. Looking back I wish I could have slowed everything down a lot because we moved so fast. Opened the door for you and got you up into the truck. At first she was impressed I even would do that for her. She said it made her feel special and no one had ever done that for her. As I walked back to my door to get in time for me started to slow as I thought about a million things at once I was so drawn to her wanted everything for her and me to be amazing and guys, it really was great from my seat. She's absolutely gorgeous, sweet yet she's a pretty bad ass chick though. She's into heavy metal and rock over anything. She's my only ginger I've ever dated in my life. She's so beautiful, selfless when she knows u need something she is the first one to get it for you and she's an amazing cook, So incredibly sexy, and no matter what she broken and all was the only woman that I ever bought a real ring for wherever would and that red hair gets me now every time I find one around in my truck or my house. She loves to play with it as her nervous habit I used to say she was marking her territory jokingly but I loved watching her do it I love watching her play with it It was awesome to just be able to look over at her and see her sitting there was the greatest feeling in my life next to having my children and watching them be born. Seeing her smile was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life That's what I lived for I lived for being silly with her and joking around and just having a good fucking time and spending that time with her no matter how much it was. I loved it always. Even when we fought I didn't ever stop loving her I did never stop caring about her obviously I was in it for us. Call me a wuss whatever you want I don't care I honestly have a thing with other people's hair it grosses me out when it is off the body so I'd have these piles of hair is have to immediately get out of the floor of my work truck when id open it for her to get her out of the truck lol it grossed me out but I didn't really care it was more funny that she was nervous cus we were so chill together. I quickly fell for this girl front the start and she was exactly what I said in the title. She's always going to be my blue little sundress passenger seat princess, the only women I've ever actually seen, planned, or dreamed of a future with and I've had longer relationship with kids even. But she has two sweet little girls that are amazing as well and I have become attatched to them as well throughout this 3 years. Especially because when her and I first met and went on our date I knew already that she was a mom of two but I hadn't met either one of them yet. Days after she was still with me and we spent every waking moment together in that truck. And we had a great time It just felt right. After that weekend was over we went to pick up her 3-month-old daughter. We had to go to the next town over and get her from her dad's house. As I got this little girl up into my truck put her car seat in the back of the tow truck I did what any normal person would do when meeting a baby for the first time. Started talking to her just to see her reaction to me. She was so sweet and so damn cute. She smiled so beautifully and was just so amazing it brought back all the memories for me having my kids. And that one really just cemented in the fact that I wanted to do this so much for my girl and I and for these kids cuz they were amazing. I spent my days just working away. Most the time with her by my side. There was times where yes we were not together 100% there's things she had to go do. Which was fine That's what we needed some time apart to miss each other cuz we did spend a lot of time together but honestly As long as we were there in my truck we were amazing together just hanging out while I was working spending time together and she said she loved watching me work. She loved how manly I smelled after and during a days work. Everything was great. So before her and I met I was always working and keeping to myself just trying to focus on myself but I lived in a hotel. So since her and I got hooked up together, we lived in my hotel which was not bad at all it was a fairly big hotel that offered reduced rates for long extended stays and they offered me a corporate discount. So it was fairly inexpensive as far as paying for the place but it was still extremely expensive compared to renting someplace. But it was by my own money because she had no income no job that I paid for everything. Literally everything. So as I worked 7 days a week and worked from time outta bed in the morning until well after midnight. I had no time to find our own place for cheaper living to start new direction for us. So she started searching for our own place to rent. Let's say we got distracted from that because of this damn drama that seemed to always be happening with her life. I'd always listen to what was going on with her and try to help. It's what I do in my everyday life I jump out of a truck when people are at their worst and it makes me feel a sense of joy because I get to get out of the damn truck like Superman get over to them and calm their life down a little bit slow it down for them when they're in their worst moments of the day and just take that weight off their shoulders. I get that fulfillment for my life that joy and it drives me to keep going That's the only reason I push through my days. I lived for it, soon after meeting her she became a big part of that meaning for me so much so I never even realized that it would end up costing me my career because I just couldn't do it anymore getting in that truck And as I open the door I see her there in the passenger seat with a flooded memory that comes rushing in and I get happy really quick like it's all real again and as soon as I sit down take my guys off that seat I look back over when it close the door cuz I'd always smile back at her when I got in the truck and she's not there and it breaks my heart every single time I experienced this so imagine getting in and out of that truck every day all day long and having to do that. I've been such an emotional wreck now that I literally had to go to my boss and quit my job because I couldn't safely do it and this was the job ladies and gentlemen that I prayed for at the end of our relationship I wasn't working hadn't been working for a few months because I just found out that I got cancer in my throat. So I got depressed I didn't know how to tell her my mom anybody being only 37 years old that I'm not going to be here that long Not as long as I thought so it started to destroy me and by this time in our relationship two and a half years in we had had several moves several little breakups but we'd always come back together and we always seemed great afterwards but then it always seemed like something would come up or she would lie or do something that I didn't like or that I wasn't approving of and every time I tried to talk to her about it she would just blow up at me and yeah there was lots of red flags I missed her out of a relationship I wish I could have done so many things different but stress and being what it is and everything you know I let my emotions get the best of me I let my my everything get the best of me every single time because as soon as she starts yelling it makes me louder and I just don't see anybody giving me that kind of a disrespectful stance especially when I'm trying to be calm I'm trying to just talk to them about it and then they blow up and makes me want to blow up right back So yeah my mistake but are honestly feel like it was just to cause me to do that so she could break up or we can break up and she can run away for a couple days and go get what she needed somewhere else and then come right back. That's what I feel like now. Don't know if it was all lie from delusional or what but everything I've read on here it all speaks to me so much that I honestly I really feel like I was lied to the entire time I was made to believe something that was never true This girl told me she loved me like 3 months in and I honestly felt it before that but I really think it was all just a facade now for her We found each other and we were broken pieces everywhere we started putting our lives together picking everything up putting ourselves back together and we felt more complete than anything is the way I saw our lives up until a year and a half into it though it was for me even with the little small breakups and stuff it was amazing It wouldn't trade it for the world soon as I found out I had cancer though guys It broke me I wasn't working I wasn't doing anything for myself and yeah that I regret I regret not just telling her right away because looking back now it may have helped but I doubt she would even cared She probably would have broke up with me then is how I feel now. But I never told her until almost 3 weeks after we broke up. The 17th of this month was my birthday my 38th birthday The day after is her 3-year-olds 3-year birthday. Which I didn't get to go to even though that little girl calls me dada loves me like there's no tomorrow and I love that little girl so so much she was like she was my daughter shortly after I found out I had cancer I was taking care of that little girl not working but taking care of her all day everyday for months in my house with her living here and my girlfriend living here while she worked. Then she's sitting here telling me griping at me that I need to get back working by about she can't be the only one working but then if I did that we wouldn't had a babysitter We would have nowhere for "Our daughter" She always insisted when I would say her daughter because she has a lot of hateful feelings towards her baby daddy. The other thing I forgot to mention is the fact that about 2 years into our relationship she went through a pretty major surgery for herself No one was there for her except for me I sat with her through the whole thing waited for her at the hospital I waited on her hand and foot at my place of living She laid in my bed took care of her gave her everything she needed and would do it again in a heartbeat The point is that I was there stood by her side took care of her in every way I needed to every way I could. In the first part of our relationship all the way through I'd say the first half She was always constantly wondering if I had eaten today or if I needed food or if I wanted her to cook me anything or I mean would she selflessly would do every single time she was happy to do it She loved doing it She loved being at the hotel and me coming home to a cooked meal how she would do it in her bra and underwear because just for shits and giggles you know She was the most sexually appetizing person I've been in with in my entire life number one and from day one of our relationship I never saw any other female on this planet My eyes never strayed not once they only saw her She was my everything. Fellas tell me when you fell in love If you ever felt the same because I know for me there was another woman on this planet that could ever even have compared to my woman she was so sexy so incredibly just mesmerizing for me and having her in my arms I felt complete I felt like a man I felt like I would move to heaven and earth for this woman and I was trying doing everything I could and it always just seemed like our little stupid spats and our bickering was so much more to her than it was to me because she would always end up leaving and going to her sisters. Her sister was and is so incredibly damaging for her mental state that I'm surprised that this woman has not killed herself yet She has no movement in her own life she's a stay-at-home girlfriend for her boyfriend of 16 15 16 years something like that and she is about a cow about 300 lb heifer that has always been jealous of anything the little sister gets that makes her happy that makes her have a better life than what big sister has then big sister has to sit there and destroy little sisters mental state just to bring her back down so she can feel good about her own self So anytime she ever went back there that's exactly what happened Big sister would just tear her down and break her down and it's just sick and that's where I think first mistake for us ever went was allowing her to move in there because as soon as she did seem like everything started going downhill and that's when I started finding things out about how much she was actually lying to me about stupid silly little things because her brother in-law and sister would talk to her about our relationship at night when they're all home together or whenever and they'd be giving her advice when these two are alcoholics they will not ever get married even though they've been together forever but this is just to not lose social security crap it's ridiculous there's a real fear of commitment between the two and a lot of damage between the two and it just fed right into my woman's head and I'm really truly believe it loud it her to be severely poisoned cuz she started turning into a completely different person but yet I still loved her like the day I first met her I still looked at her exactly the same I still do to this day even though she won't have anything to do with me for whatever reason I don't know I never got a reason but after everything we've been through I honestly felt like every time she made me promise never to leave her every time she made me the promise that she would never leave me no matter what blah blah blah I feel like it was all just a game to her now and a game to her family because my woman was the child that was traded off when things got too stressful for Mom she was the kid that was sent to the hospital to you know being the mental ward because it was just too tough for Mom to cope with having two kids and being as destroyed of a person as she is So of course that's led to a lot of emotional damages for my woman and for that entire family It's led to alcoholism and the other side of the family with her sister and her mom being best friends they hang out all day long and it's about the worst family situation you could think of but sadly she will still choose her family over anybody at the end of the day even though they don't choose her like that It breaks my heart to watch honestly the best thing she could do is cut them off from her life but there is a lot of times that she needed them there because she had no other option is what she felt instead of when we fought going there honestly alsoever wanted her to do is just calm down and instead of leaving stay here choose me over that bullshit fight choose me over the fucking nonsense of everything because at the end of the day none of it mattered to me I always forgave her for everything not because I wanted to be the doormat or because I allowed myself to be the doormat but because when I grew up I grew up in a Christian family That's what we do if we fight we work shit through I may not be the best Christian in the world but I know the values that I have in my family were not the same as hers they traded her off when times got tough they never showed her unconditional love so she doesn't even know how to unconditionally love her own children and it's really sad cuz honestly to this day I feel like that little girl would choose me over her own mother and that breaks my heart for her. I realize I've been rambling on for a while now but this one really doesn't sit right with me guys I've never had any issues with any breakup since this one and I know the mental state she was in when she made it and made this choice but the way she did it just recently after having promised her yet again and her promising me that we would never leave each other and to always fight for the relationship. She comes over about a 3 weeks ago we have sex been seen each other in a few days few days prior to that we went and took "our daughter" to her dentist appointment she had to be knocked out at and did great through who'd she want afterwards after she woke up me Not her mom just me to comfort her. So being the dad that I am of course I did that I gave her the comfort she needed we had a great day together but it was short-lived. My girl's been in such a bad spot mentally but she refused to talk to me about it I could never get her to open up and yes I did a lot of things wrong because I was always trying to fix her or trying to help her through it is how I see it She saw it as me trying to fix her and she said I don't need to be fixed. But I know I didn't see it that way and that may have been my mistake because she wasn't looking for advice or whatever on how to try to help her through it but she just wanted somebody to listen to her which I did I can repeat everything she's ever told me about an issue word for word I can almost predict in my head I can sit there and say okay what's she going to say. And then I can literally as she's saying it out loud I can pretty well determine already know what she's going to say while listening though just to make sure I don't miss anything It ends up being the same thing every time and it's always all about her family's issues and things going on between them. It's been this way for the last year and a half probably since she moved in there now just before this breakup she had been for a couple months looking for place for us to go cuz I want out of where I'm at now and she obviously wanted out of there and so she was supposedly looking for it for a place to go That was ours because I got a new job I sat here and prayed for a new job that I had applied for and they just weren't moving fast enough or something I guess because like 4 days before she broke up with me they called and I started working I was so happy I got back in that truck I was doing it for her for us for me for those girls everything was going the way I had invisioned it going. Then like I said two days go by she came over spend some time together We had a little quickie and then we went to her appointment with the psych doctor couple days later she breaks up with me This is how I wake up the next morning after being at work all night long in my tow truck to a text message and I'm blocked on everything every single social media outlet every everything that we had together online I'm just blocked. Knowing the mental state she was in I was like what the hell is going on now I got a short text message that said something like I can't do this anymore This is after going through her girl parts being taken out being with her the entire time waiting on her hand and foot this is after saving her daughter because her drunk ass sister drove home from their mothers house while watching the like 5-month-old baby at the time and ran the car into the fucking house in the middle of the night and we were both working shoot while she was watching her That's why she was watching her So of course I get a phone call she can't leave work and she's freaking out because her daughter was just in the car that just slammed into the house and did thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage So what happens This guy goes and rescues the child and keeps the child with him the entire rest of my work night until mom gets off work there's lots of reasons that this woman has loved me completely and tried so hard and there's lots of reasons why I've loved her as completely as I could and tried so hard and tried getting back on track now I used her in those kids and myself to get me back to a point where I could even start to function again after finding out I had cancer and not knowing how to tell her or anybody and what hurts the most is the fact that she just gave up and just blindsided me with all of this if I feel like and it kills me but this is what I had to do because of her putting all her walls up and just stonewalling me with everything and knowing the fact that even on her Facebook she chose to not put family photos of us for up there but to put every other photo of that entire time together on there even ones that she had taken separately with just her and her girls making it look like nobody else was there the entire time She just failed to include the you know few pictures she took all of us. Which are now deleted off her phone obviously cuz she deleted everything of us together She always does that She always does it just deletes them because she never had any good memories as a child so she has an inability to just keep that stuff because it's painful to her now for some reason even if it was a happy memory She doesn't like those happy memories cuz those are painful that they're not going to happen anymore so she just erases everything and gets rid of it because it's easier for her while I'm not that type of person I'm a sentimental person I keep everything So of course when she goes gets her mind off track whatever I start to be sweet and send her you know our pictures together and things because I know she's already done deleted them which gets her nine times out of 10 and gets her right back to where she needs to be and realizing that I'm there for her that I I want her I choose her and I choose to do this together well not this time She completely stonewalled me wouldn't even respond to me for days and it was literally out of the blue So I'm freaking out because I'm thinking she's going to go hurt herself which she's tried to do a few times and she just reapped on all her medication the last time she tried to hurt herself that's what had happened She took all of her medication and thank God nothing happened but now she had you know six new bottles of pills which would have done it so I was scared for her life honestly. So I was literally just freaking out day after day night after night and all while having to work at night now with this new job in the truck that I was freaking out because I couldn't see her in my passenger seat anymore and then I was seeing her and then I was worrying about her and I was concentrating more on her than I was even able to do my job like I said I had to give it up even though I sat there and prayed for her prayed for myself to pray to get the job and it was literally a blessing because they created the position for me they didn't need to fill a position they created it for me I've been doing this job for well over 10 years of my career and I'm damn good at it Just not right now and so for the last month after everything that I found out everything that it's been said This is what I had to do guys and I I can't regret it I can't feel any type of way about it but I've been pushing and pushing and pushing on purpose because I know she's not coming back no matter what That's the way she feels but once I stop trying to fight for the relationship to fight for her and fight for those kids I know she's going to start to feel the feelings of losing me and it's going to start getting into her head so I knew if I stopped talking to her that's what would happen and she would try to slide right back into my life a month later whenever however it would happen she would come back eventually and I'm not going to be in a new place in my life where I would allow her to do that I can't So what I did was I pushed on purpose not only because she made me promise to do it but because I knew it's what needed to happen because I needed my mental state to be better and it's not right now I'm a wreck right now because of this woman because of losing this woman cuz I honestly felt like she's the one person on this planet that I would never let go. So my life is just turned into a fucking wreck on a wreck on a wreck because of her vindictive nature her mean-spirited bullshit when she gets mad She doesn't not have a filter so she uses her daughter against me how's it feel no that you'll never see "her daughter" ever again trying to dig into my heart and just cause more pain This is the type of stuff she would say to me That would just break me down to nothing. I've literally been in tears since the breakup and before that because I I think I kind of knew it was coming but I was just so depressed that I couldn't do anything I would cry every night even a month before we were broken up I would cry every night just cuz I missed her I missed her being next to me but that was her own fault that was her own doing She lied put words in my roommate's mouth that were never there and she couldn't apologize She could not be an adult and apologize to him and then it would have been fine She would have been a loud back at the house She would been able to come see me but she just is not the adult that I thought she was or that she used to be before when we first got together and and I don't understand what happened I can't see where it all just went so terribly wrong except for her moving in with her family. It has been the greatest experience of my life loving this woman but at the same time in the end it has been so destructive so I had to make sure that she would never come back So for the last month I've been pestering her coming at her yelling at her calling her all these names in the book and just destroying anything she ever had for me because I won't let her back into my life I can't cuz I know if I do it will be the death of me so I'm choosing me over the love of my life. The woman that I have lived for for this past three fucking years of my life given everything to worked my ass off so I could fucking just keep going the next day to provide what I could for us as a family mind you have paid for everything every waking moment for the first year and a half of our lives because she didn't have a job She didn't work so I paid for everything and that's everything we needed for the baby as well. That couldn't get bought with food stamps. Literally drained every bit of funds that I had saved up everything Just took me for a rollercoaster ride through hell but I chose me I choose me now And hopefully the apartment that she was finding for us the one that she supposedly went to Once she supposedly is at now I hope her I wish her all the best but I had to sit here and destroy any chances of ever being with the woman that I still to this day want because I know she comes back crawling back I knew that I would take her back in a heartbeat and I just can't do it so I had to get it done and over with for me for her for everybody because I won't be hurt like that I won't be disrespected like that I won't be turned into a monster because she tears me down with her hateful little remarks and digs into my heart that are totally unnecessary when I'm being everything I can try to be and be sweet for her She literally anytime I would try to be sweet would turn it into something it's not telling me I'm manipulating her telling me I'm doing this I'm doing that well okay so that's what I'll do That's what I thought and that's exactly what I did If I'm the monster let me know cuz I feel like it honestly but I know it's for the best. To my little blue sundress princess, the love of my life I'm Sorry I had to do what I did sweetheart I'll always love you no matter what babe Just can't have you walk back into my life and and destroy everything that I build from here on out because I'll end up killing myself and I don't want that to happen so this is goodbye even though I know you'll never read this. Just know that I see you everywhere in every place I go there's memories that flood back to me everyday that are amazing or that are bad or that are just that their memories they will fade eventually hopefully but for now they are still too real for me to just forget like seems like you want to do by going out there and supposedly live in your best life faking it just to make it for the rest of the world being that strong independent woman with that attitude exactly even though I know you're sad inside I know you just buried those feelings All the love you had for me and you're lying to yourself but that's on you now I tried I really really tried to get you to understand that that's where we were headed was the life we wanted so sorry I asked you to choose me and love me for me instead of love me for what I had or didn't have. I'm sorry I needed to do this or even felt like I needed to do this cuz I will always love you no matter what, But now my life is going to be for me and for me only for its remainder because you gave up the fight and I ended it.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

The raw milk has already rotted her braincells from the inside out and it has taken her to the same negative iq as soosh which is why shes under the impression that she is gaining anything from the relationship She cooks nearly every single one of his meals/snacks as he drives around all day pretending that he’s actually doing stuff in his dumbass 75 hard vlogs He can barely even acknowledge when she does it too, like when she made him the birthday “cake” and his response was just “She went hard🔥”. She also walks HIS dogs every single day so doosh can spend his time neglecting them and gambling She listens to every word he says aswell, because she stopped hitting upper body when he said he didn’t like girls that were too bulky + Got a nose job because he didn’t like her turk schnoz And then she really followed in his footsteps with the whole Forcing my followers to hear my completely braindead takes on several different foods despite having no credentials and being totally retarded (like the absolute tweaker oats = autism rant that she went on, “carbs and white rice are bad for you” & the salmonella milk)
She actually cannot think for herself & everyone already knew she was a stupid bitch but does she genuinely not realize that she is acting as his mother at this point?

So, I've watched the AITA videos on YouTube all the time, so I thought I would bring a couple of my stories here. (This is a long one, so bear with me.) I tried to post this on another aita page but there were too many rules. I'm sure everyone else has a more interesting story than me. also new here don't know how the app works. so chill on me.
I (19, female) recently moved out of my apartment so I could save for a better one. So, I recently went back to my moms for a bit (40, female) with her husband (35, male). Before I even thought about coming back home, my mom always told me, "Come back home. You can have the room back. Nobody helps me with the dog or clean. We missed you so much; I've been depressed since you've been gone."
Now, before I get to the story, let me give you some background on my (16, female) sister. I'll give her a fake name. Let's call her Nya. My mom would complain about how my sister (27 female), who has custody of my sister, uses my sister's taxes for herself and my niece, and Nya never gets anything. Now, I understand her frustration, but she's a hypocrite. She asked my dad's wife if she could claim me last year. Mind you, I was 18, and if Shes complaining that my sister should've gotten her taxes, then mine should've gone to me, all $5,000 of it, but I didn't trip about it at first. Well, she got me furniture with the taxes after I told her I did not want or need any furniture in my room, so I had stuff I didn't even want when I already had stuff. She told me, "When you move, you can take it." Well, I moved to my boyfriend's mom's house for a couple of months and then got my own apartment. I went to ask if I could get my furniture, and she's going to say, "Oh. Nya sleeps in here when she visits on weekends, and it's set up to be her room." she could've kept my old furniture in storage if she was going to play in my face like that. Nya only visits 8 times out of the whole month unless it's a holiday, no school, or half a day. She could've given me my furniture. I was laying on an old mattress that came from my boyfriend's moms place and it hurt our backs. I was paying so much for rent and just to live that I couldn't afford to get a new one. I really hated Nya because she knew what she was doing. On my birthday, she got gifted more things than I did because she had an attitude. But when it was hers, I didn't get NOTHING. Imagine someone else getting more gifts than you on your own birthday. They had me pierce my own nose at 15, but Nya professionally got hers done. My nose closed up, and we've done this about 6 times, but they got her pierced twice on both sides her nose. When she'd come over, if they'd go out, she'd always ask for something, and if she didn't get her way, she wouldn't speak with my mother or her husband. Almost every time I see her, she has something new that my mom got her. She comes over and uses my mom; she doesn't even hang out with my mom when she's here unless they go out. She hides in the room. And ironically, every time I leave stuff around her, it goes missing. She would steal stuff from my mom too, and the whole time, it would be something of mine that my mom was holding onto for me. Over $300 worth of stuff she's stolen or got CAUGHT stealing. She's able to call my mom a (b word), but I was told, "You can cuss; just don't ever call me a (b word)." Like my sister basically owns her at this point. You might've already seen where this was going.
My mom called me the day I was packing, which was literally Tuesday. It's been no more than 4-5 days, and it's already been so much drama. She had an attitude like she was surprised I was coming back, but me and her spoke several times the month before about it. She swore up, down, left, and right that it was okay. Silly me for thinking my mother, of all people, could be relied on. Well, she picks me up and complains how I had too many bags (it was 5 black bags and like 5 tiny grocery bags. My boyfriend had most of the other stuff, including big furniture that he was taking with his mom because she has a house. my mom has an apartment). I'm not surprised she was complaining; it's all she does. She said she didn't know what to do with the room yet because she "didn't want to pick favorites." The craziest part was Nya herself said I can stay in here and remember that its important.
She waited till about 9 o'clock PM to tell me that I could sleep in there. Now I had several bags, and they would've cried if they were all in the living room, so I took them in the room, but by now, you can probably tell nothing pleases them. A1 complainers. Well, everything was fine at first until my older sister texted me Friday night and said, 'Mom and Nya don't know how to tell you ONCE AGAIN that they don't want you in that room. I'm not trying to start drama; I just want you to know they said you moved Nya's stuff and threw it on the floor.' This did, however, create drama. Also, what does she mean by 'AGAIN'? And I didn't throw a THING on that floor. My sister literally didn't sleep the whole time because she was so ever so sick that I was in here relaxing with my man who came to visit. So, I did text my mom how I felt, and I told her about how she gets everything, but she wants to say 'bull they say you were the princess' when I was like freaking 5, yeah. What have you really done but make me feel less than the other? So comes morning, and her husband came banging on the door telling me to unlock it (the door was already unlocked. Get a load of this guy.), and I'm GROWN; this man really came at me sideways talking about 'get the f in the living room.' Mind you, I have a past with anxiety; I will faint, and they know this. I don't like arguing. I said, 'No, I'm leaving.' Now I didn't know where I was going to go yet because my boyfriend's mom has all 6 of her kids in the house right now with no space. So I had to call my Poppop the WHOLE time my stepfather would not shut up. (Ohh, brother, this guy stinks.) My mom wouldn't stop screaming, and I got stressed and screamed to just stop, and I started crying because of course, I have anxiety and I'm overwhelmed because its 3 people yelling over something they said i could do. My chest was tight, and I was shaking. Then my mom really had the audacity to tell Nya, 'She don't want u in here because she said u stole.' I told my mom to keep that private. My sister was stealing my underwear, and I told her (funny because I literally JUST bought her some clothes and underwear). I asked her to keep it between us. Oh boy, I won't tell her NOTHING again. I forgot she got a fat mouth. Anyways, I called my grandpa, and I'm his baby, so how could he ever say no? He's the only one that ever cares for me anymore. I felt bad because my mom started crying, so I said, 'I'll be back tomorrow it's ok.' Stupid, I know. Because she didn't care when I was crying and using the inhaler trying to get air.
And might I add, my sister said 'no what did I steal. She can come say it to my face.' I wanted to knock her socks off. She literally left to go to a friend's because I was in the room after she said I could be in there. That should tell you she didn't come to hang out with mom. Everything about her makes me mad. She does stuff that I do, and she thinks I don't notice. She took my style, even my personality, and my interests. Like I'm a hello kitty girl. I wear hello kitty pants, Kuromi bookbags, and just hello kitty anything including my decor. And I paint so I have hello kitty paintings (I'm good at it too), and she happened to all of a sudden like it too. My hairstyles are unique; I do my own thing. She tries to do her hair like mine. All the TV shows and YouTubers I watch, she started all of a sudden liking. At first, it was cute; I thought she looked up to me. Until I realized she's just trying to BE ME, and she doesn't even like me. Anyways, I went to my Poppop and my Nanas, and my mom tried to guilt trip me on Facebook, and I told them everything that happened, and they agree with me that my mom is being unfair, considering I will be there for about 30 days and my sister only 8 times out of the month. I told my mother that now my sister won't be comfortable coming here because she doesn't know how to just shut up and just be a mother. My nana said it was so immature to really tell Facebook that we 'hate' her. Also, can I add that I've only been here 4 days because I went to my Poppop's last night. Then my mom had the audacity to tell me to keep the room clean when it was a mess. Then when I went to clean it, she told me to leave the stuff there. My sister didn't have it clean; it was a mess. I moved out this little fireplace and 2 blankets, and that's literally what they were mad about. Excuse me for cleaning your brown smoked out and molded walls and provided more space. Excuse me for cleaning the bedding that had cat fur all over it because I couldn't breathe. Cry a river.
so aita?

For the last month and a half I have spent every day in just the deepest depths of loss and heartbreak. I wrote “to you” every single day. What I am feeling, how much I missed you, how I wished beyond anything I would hear literally anything from you. I would write about how I hoped you were ok. That the girls were ok. That you were finding happiness. I stopped writing to you the day after my birthday. I think that’s when I realized you really were not coming back to me. Because the day after my birthday I got a text from you… not to wish me a happy birthday… but to tell me not to answer any calls that might come through my phone. To tell me that she wanted you to call me and try to get me to say things to you to catch in a lie.
I still have our list of life plans that we created together. The photos you’ve sent me, and the ones we’ve taken together. The letter you wrote and read out loud for me telling me the 10 reasons you loved me. I keep thinking I should delete them, but I cannot bring myself to erase you entirely. I think there’s a small piece of me that hopes you aren’t gone for good. I don’t know why I hold onto that hope. Especially not after the message that came from your phone two days ago.
I don’t know how to do this life without you in it. For the last 18 months you have been such a HUGE part of my world. You were the only one I could be completely myself with. The only one who knew all of my secrets, and downfalls, and faults and loved me, unwaveringly, despite them. The one who made me laugh like I’ve never laughed before. The one who I could talk to for literal HOURS and it would feel like it had been minutes. I miss your smile, the sound of your voice, your TERRIBLE dad jokes. I miss your wit, the way you could flip my switch with one look, and most of all I miss hearing you call me “baby cakes”. I miss YOU. So fucking much.
I love you baby. I will love you forever, and longer after that.

For the last month and a half I have spent every day in just the deepest depths of loss and heartbreak. I wrote “to you” every single day. What I am feeling, how much I missed you, how I wished beyond anything I would hear literally anything from you. I would write about how I hoped you were ok. That the girls were ok. That you were finding happiness. I stopped writing to you the day after my birthday. I think that’s when I realized you really were not coming back to me. Because the day after my birthday I got a text from you… not to wish me a happy birthday… but to tell me not to answer any calls that might come through my phone. To tell me that she wanted you to call me and try to get me to say things to you to catch in a lie.
I still have our list of life plans that we created together. The photos you’ve sent me, and the ones we’ve taken together. The letter you wrote and read out loud for me telling me the 10 reasons you loved me. I keep thinking I should delete them, but I cannot bring myself to erase you entirely. I think there’s a small piece of me that hopes you aren’t gone for good. I don’t know why I hold onto that hope. Especially not after the message that came from your phone two days ago.
I don’t know how to do this life without you in it. For the last 18 months you have been such a HUGE part of my world. You were the only one I could be completely myself with. The only one who knew all of my secrets, and downfalls, and faults and loved me, unwaveringly, despite them. The one who made me laugh like I’ve never laughed before. The one who I could talk to for literal HOURS and it would feel like it had been minutes. I miss your smile, the sound of your voice, your TERRIBLE dad jokes. I miss your wit, the way you could flip my switch with one look, and most of all I miss hearing you call me “baby cakes”. I miss YOU. So fucking much.
I love you baby. I will love you forever, and longer after that.

New Query Letter
Dear Agent,
My debut 55,000 word novel, Joypunks, is a speculative fiction story that is the perfect blend of Black Mirror and Euphoria. In a life where you are dying in your 20s, being 18 constitutes a mid-life crisis.
Danny is just an ordinary teenager who lives in a world where everyone has the chance to find out the day they die when they turn 18. On his 18th birthday, Danny finds out that he is going to die when he is only 27. This sets him down a path of bohemian decision making that culminates in him overdosing several years later. Danny wonders if he’ll ever be able to turn his life around before it’s too late.
Later Danny is released after the psych ward to rejoin his two roommates and best friends, a lesbian hippie named Naomi and a drug dealer named Brian, who are both considered “shorters” by the religious majority. The main religion of the country sees people with low death dates as being punished by God for their sins. So not only is Danny struggling with drug addiction, but an oppressive society that believes Danny deserves all the trouble coming his way
To make matters more complicated Danny falls in love with a college student named Tierra who, despite dying in her nineties, is a client of Brian. She carries him further into the world of chemical delights as he is trying to find a way out. To add to the chaos Danny finds out criminal enterprises are offering “shorters” large sums of money in advance to commit a murder the day before they die. Danny is horrified and worries that someday he or one of his friends will have to make that decision.
A book filled with booze, sex, drugs, strippers, robberies, and the gritty lifestyle of those struggling with their mortality, the story is a revealing look into those who are battling their worst urges. Will Danny be able to reign his in or will he wind up dying in a ditch somewhere?
After finishing my studies of Film and Creative Writing at the University of Arizona I moved to New York City to become a stand-up comedian. After the Coronavirus reached Manhattan, I moved home and began work on my novel. Three years later it was finished and I couldn’t be prouder.
Thank you for considering my novel. I’ve sent you the appropriate materials.
Old Query Letter
My debut 55,000 word novel, Joypunks, is a sci-fi drama that is the perfect blend of Black Mirror and Euphoria. In a life where you are dying in your 20s, being 18 constitutes a mid-life crisis.
Danny lives in a world where everyone has the chance to find out the day they die when they’re 18. On his 18th birthday, Danny finds out that he is going to die when he is only 27. This sets Danny off on a bohemian lifestyle as he searches for meaning in his short, compact life. While all twenty year olds struggle with their identity, few do it while staring down the barrel of a loaded gun.
Set in the mountains of Flagstaff, Arizona, Danny lives with a lesbian hippie named Naomi and a drug dealer named Brian. The three of them are all doomed to never reach 30. On top of all this Danny struggles with his relationship with a college girl named Tierra and a religious society that rejects those who are dying early as sinners.
A book filled with booze, sex, drugs, strippers, robberies, and the gritty lifestyle of those struggling with their mortality. The book opens on the protagonist having an overdose and doesn’t let off the brakes for a single second. It’s destined to be a cult classic among the twenty year olds of countless generations.
After finishing my studies of Film and Creative Writing at the University of Arizona I moved to New York City to become a stand-up comedian. After the Coronavirus reached Manhattan, I moved home and began work on my novel. Three years later it was finished and I couldn’t be prouder.

I’m watching a k-drama, and the following: “빨리 고백해 그만 간 보고”
Translates into “Hurry up and confess, stop feeling her out”.
I’m not sure what “그만 간 보고“ means at all, or see ways it could translate into something similar. If anyone could help me parse this portion of the quote, I’d be grateful!!
For context, there are a guy and girl talking. The guy was talking about drinking with another girl (let’s name her Girl 2), and the girl tells him to just confess to Girl 2 already.
(I suspect “그만 간 보고“ might mean something to the similar effect of “stop feeling her out”, but the translator might have taken liberties with the English translation).
ALSO
What does the “니“ in “니 누구랑 카탁 하냐?” (Who are you texting?) mean? Is this “you”? And if so, what form of you is it? I’ve never seen it used before.