Action replay cheat for all vivosaurs
Action Replay
2014.07.30 21:46 slowlike_emu Action Replay
If you're looking for a cheat, why not ask? If you know an awesome cheat, why not share it? This community shares codes related to the Action Replay for any and all systems/platforms.
2011.10.27 23:49 soullimbo Rainbow Six
Want to keep up with Rainbow 6? The Rainbow 6 Discord is open: https://discord.gg/rainbow6 Welcome to the Rainbow Six subreddit, a community for R6 fans to discuss Rainbow Six Siege and past favorites.
2015.09.15 17:52 CGM-Devo Nioh
A Reddit community dedicated to Nioh and Nioh 2, action RPGs developed by Team Ninja and published by Koei Tecmo (PC) and Sony Computer Entertainment (PS4) for release in 2017 and March 13th 2020
2024.05.19 18:10 CriticalRX I'm offering free, personalized video reviews of Moira games (All ranks).
I know what you're thinking - Who could need coaching on Moira? Almost everyone who plays her because they all play her wrong for different reasons. Moira is one of the most simple and straightforward heroes to pick up, but that works against her at each rank.
Lower-ranked players rely on her forgiving mechanics to compete with players having better mechanics but still suffer from poor positioning and cool-down usage (like using Fade as a crutch for standing in the open all the time). Lower-ranked players are also conditioned to heal-bot lest their team chastise them for doing any damage.
Higher-ranked players usually lack timing, opportunity recognition and engagement, and struggle to get value from her when switching to Baptiste would instantly get more value. Moira's forgiving mechanics are a disadvantage in the higher ranks because it takes about three seconds to max her mechanical capabilities, so she is overshadowed by more mechanically intensive heroes.
I have several thousand hours on Moira and have played and coached her at every rank (Bronze 5 to Top 500), and closing in on 200 published VOD review videos. I offer constructive criticism (no roasting!) and actionable advice that helps you in every match, not just the one you shared.
If you want a review, submit a replay to this Google Forms link:
Submit a replay!
To view my completed reviews, they are organized by rank here:
Completed Video Reviews
submitted by CriticalRX to OverwatchUniversity [link] [comments]
Lower-ranked players rely on her forgiving mechanics to compete with players having better mechanics but still suffer from poor positioning and cool-down usage (like using Fade as a crutch for standing in the open all the time). Lower-ranked players are also conditioned to heal-bot lest their team chastise them for doing any damage.
Higher-ranked players usually lack timing, opportunity recognition and engagement, and struggle to get value from her when switching to Baptiste would instantly get more value. Moira's forgiving mechanics are a disadvantage in the higher ranks because it takes about three seconds to max her mechanical capabilities, so she is overshadowed by more mechanically intensive heroes.
I have several thousand hours on Moira and have played and coached her at every rank (Bronze 5 to Top 500), and closing in on 200 published VOD review videos. I offer constructive criticism (no roasting!) and actionable advice that helps you in every match, not just the one you shared.
If you want a review, submit a replay to this Google Forms link:
Submit a replay!
To view my completed reviews, they are organized by rank here:
Completed Video Reviews
2024.05.19 17:59 IM_THE_SAM Please Help
I just started playing Minecraft Java Edition this morning. I've always played Bedrock Edition. I figured out how to install shaders and mods. I've been trying to increase my performance because there are occasional jitters and buffers while playing. I downloaded a good bit of mods and now my world is crashing. I'm not sure what the problem is someone that knows more than I do, please help.
---- Minecraft Crash Report ----
// My bad.
Time: 2024-05-19 11:54:20
Description: Exception ticking world
org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.throwables.MixinTransformerError: An unexpected critical error was encountered
-- Head --
Thread: Server thread
Suspected Mods: NONE
Stacktrace:
Details:
Details:
submitted by IM_THE_SAM to feedthebeast [link] [comments]
---- Minecraft Crash Report ----
// My bad.
Time: 2024-05-19 11:54:20
Description: Exception ticking world
org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.throwables.MixinTransformerError: An unexpected critical error was encountered
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:392) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinTransformer.transformClass(MixinTransformer.java:250) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.service.modlauncher.MixinTransformationHandler.processClass(MixinTransformationHandler.java:131) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.launch.MixinLaunchPluginLegacy.processClass(MixinLaunchPluginLegacy.java:131) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.serviceapi.ILaunchPluginService.processClassWithFlags(ILaunchPluginService.java:142) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:10.1.2\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchPluginHandler.offerClassNodeToPlugins(LaunchPluginHandler.java:91) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.ClassTransformer.transform(ClassTransformer.java:107) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.TransformingClassLoader.maybeTransformClassBytes(TransformingClassLoader.java:44) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.readerToClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:473) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.findClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:399) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.loadClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:415) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at java.lang.ClassLoader.loadClass(ClassLoader.java:525) \~\[?:?\] {} at net.minecraft.world.entity.ai.behavior.VillagerGoalPackages.m\_24607\_(VillagerGoalPackages.java:231) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.m\_35424\_(Villager.java:184) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.m\_8075\_(Villager.java:157) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.LivingEntity.(LivingEntity.java:244) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:computing\_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:alloc.enum\_values.living\_entity.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.collisions.unpushable\_cramming.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_elytra\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_hand\_swing.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_powder\_snow\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.skip\_equipment\_change\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.entity.Mob.(Mob.java:142) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.inactive\_navigations.MobMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.skip\_equipment\_change\_check.MobMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.entity.PathfinderMob.(PathfinderMob.java:16) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.AgeableMob.(AgeableMob.java:29) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.AbstractVillager.(AbstractVillager.java:49) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.(Villager.java:140) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.(Villager.java:136) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_20615\_(EntityType.java:530) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_185996\_(EntityType.java:535) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at java.util.Optional.map(Optional.java:260) \~\[?:?\] {re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_20642\_(EntityType.java:534) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.m\_74543\_(StructureTemplate.java:444) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.addEntitiesToWorld(StructureTemplate.java:427) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.m\_230328\_(StructureTemplate.java:337) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.pools.SinglePoolElement.m\_213695\_(SinglePoolElement.java:134) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.PoolElementStructurePiece.m\_226509\_(PoolElementStructurePiece.java:89) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.PoolElementStructurePiece.m\_213694\_(PoolElementStructurePiece.java:85) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.StructureStart.m\_226850\_(StructureStart.java:90) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkGenerator.m\_223080\_(ChunkGenerator.java:320) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at com.google.common.collect.ImmutableList.forEach(ImmutableList.java:422) \~\[guava-32.1.2-jre.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkGenerator.m\_213609\_(ChunkGenerator.java:319) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus.m\_279978\_(ChunkStatus.java:108) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus$SimpleGenerationTask.m\_214024\_(ChunkStatus.java:309) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus.m\_280308\_(ChunkStatus.java:252) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkMap.lambda$chunkGenerate$27(ChunkMap.java:793) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default} at com.mojang.datafixers.util.Either$Left.map(Either.java:38) \~\[datafixerupper-6.0.8.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkMap.lambda$chunkGenerate$29(ChunkMap.java:780) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$UniCompose.tryFire(CompletableFuture.java:1150) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$Completion.run(CompletableFuture.java:482) \~\[?:?\] {} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter.m\_143188\_(ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter.java:62) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.thread.ProcessorMailbox.m\_18759\_(ProcessorMailbox.java:91) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.thread.ProcessorMailbox.m\_18747\_(ProcessorMailbox.java:146) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.thread.ProcessorMailbox.run(ProcessorMailbox.java:102) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinTask$RunnableExecuteAction.exec(ForkJoinTask.java:1395) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinTask.doExec(ForkJoinTask.java:373) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinPool$WorkQueue.topLevelExec(ForkJoinPool.java:1182) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinPool.scan(ForkJoinPool.java:1655) \~\[?:?\] {re:computing\_frames} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinPool.runWorker(ForkJoinPool.java:1622) \~\[?:?\] {re:computing\_frames} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinWorkerThread.run(ForkJoinWorkerThread.java:165) \~\[?:?\] {} Caused by: org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.throwables.MixinApplyError: Mixin [canary.mixins.json:ai.poi.tasks.LocateHidingPlaceMixin] from phase [DEFAULT] in config [canary.mixins.json] FAILED during APPLYat org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.handleMixinError(MixinProcessor.java:636) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.handleMixinApplyError(MixinProcessor.java:588) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:379) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} ... 53 more Caused by: org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.throwables.InvalidInjectionException: Critical injection failure: u/Redirect annotation on redirect could not find any targets matching 'lambda$create$5' or 'm_289100_' in net.minecraft.world.entity.ai.behavior.LocateHidingPlace. Using refmap canary.refmap.json [PREINJECT Applicator Phase -> canary.mixins.json:ai.poi.tasks.LocateHidingPlaceMixin -> Prepare Injections -> -> redirect$zzk000$redirect(Lnet/minecraft/world/entity/ai/village/poi/PoiManager;Ljava/util/function/Predicate;Ljava/util/function/Predicate;Lnet/minecraft/world/entity/ai/village/poi/PoiManager$Occupancy;Lnet/minecraft/core/BlockPos;ILnet/minecraft/util/RandomSource;)Ljava/util/Optional; -> Parse]at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.validateTargets(InjectionInfo.java:656) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.findTargets(InjectionInfo.java:587) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.readAnnotation(InjectionInfo.java:330) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.(InjectionInfo.java:316) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.(InjectionInfo.java:308) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.RedirectInjectionInfo.(RedirectInjectionInfo.java:44) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at jdk.internal.reflect.GeneratedConstructorAccessor61.newInstance(Unknown Source) \~\[?:?\] {} at jdk.internal.reflect.DelegatingConstructorAccessorImpl.newInstance(DelegatingConstructorAccessorImpl.java:45) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.lang.reflect.Constructor.newInstanceWithCaller(Constructor.java:499) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.lang.reflect.Constructor.newInstance(Constructor.java:480) \~\[?:?\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo$InjectorEntry.create(InjectionInfo.java:149) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.injection.struct.InjectionInfo.parse(InjectionInfo.java:708) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinTargetContext.prepareInjections(MixinTargetContext.java:1311) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinApplicatorStandard.prepareInjections(MixinApplicatorStandard.java:1042) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinApplicatorStandard.applyMixin(MixinApplicatorStandard.java:393) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinApplicatorStandard.apply(MixinApplicatorStandard.java:325) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.TargetClassContext.apply(TargetClassContext.java:383) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.TargetClassContext.applyMixins(TargetClassContext.java:365) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:363) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} ... 53 more A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:Thread: Server thread
Suspected Mods: NONE
Stacktrace:
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:392) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinTransformer.transformClass(MixinTransformer.java:250) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.service.modlauncher.MixinTransformationHandler.processClass(MixinTransformationHandler.java:131) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at org.spongepowered.asm.launch.MixinLaunchPluginLegacy.processClass(MixinLaunchPluginLegacy.java:131) \~\[mixin-0.8.5.jar:0.8.5+Jenkins-b310.git-155314e6e91465dad727e621a569906a410cd6f4\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.serviceapi.ILaunchPluginService.processClassWithFlags(ILaunchPluginService.java:142) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:10.1.2\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchPluginHandler.offerClassNodeToPlugins(LaunchPluginHandler.java:91) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.ClassTransformer.transform(ClassTransformer.java:107) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.TransformingClassLoader.maybeTransformClassBytes(TransformingClassLoader.java:44) \~\[modlauncher-10.1.2.jar:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.readerToClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:473) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.findClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:399) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.securemodules.SecureModuleClassLoader.loadClass(SecureModuleClassLoader.java:415) \~\[securemodules-2.2.10.jar!/:?\] {} at java.lang.ClassLoader.loadClass(ClassLoader.java:525) \~\[?:?\] {} at net.minecraft.world.entity.ai.behavior.VillagerGoalPackages.m\_24607\_(VillagerGoalPackages.java:231) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.m\_35424\_(Villager.java:184) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.m\_8075\_(Villager.java:157) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.LivingEntity.(LivingEntity.java:244) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:computing\_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:alloc.enum\_values.living\_entity.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.collisions.unpushable\_cramming.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_elytra\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_hand\_swing.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.fast\_powder\_snow\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.skip\_equipment\_change\_check.LivingEntityMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.entity.Mob.(Mob.java:142) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.inactive\_navigations.MobMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.skip\_equipment\_change\_check.MobMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.entity.PathfinderMob.(PathfinderMob.java:16) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.AgeableMob.(AgeableMob.java:29) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.AbstractVillager.(AbstractVillager.java:49) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.(Villager.java:140) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.npc.Villager.(Villager.java:136) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_20615\_(EntityType.java:530) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_185996\_(EntityType.java:535) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at java.util.Optional.map(Optional.java:260) \~\[?:?\] {re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.entity.EntityType.m\_20642\_(EntityType.java:534) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector,re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.m\_74543\_(StructureTemplate.java:444) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.addEntitiesToWorld(StructureTemplate.java:427) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.templatesystem.StructureTemplate.m\_230328\_(StructureTemplate.java:337) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:fml:forge:forge\_method\_redirector} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.pools.SinglePoolElement.m\_213695\_(SinglePoolElement.java:134) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.PoolElementStructurePiece.m\_226509\_(PoolElementStructurePiece.java:89) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.PoolElementStructurePiece.m\_213694\_(PoolElementStructurePiece.java:85) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.levelgen.structure.StructureStart.m\_226850\_(StructureStart.java:90) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkGenerator.m\_223080\_(ChunkGenerator.java:320) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at com.google.common.collect.ImmutableList.forEach(ImmutableList.java:422) \~\[guava-32.1.2-jre.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkGenerator.m\_213609\_(ChunkGenerator.java:319) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus.m\_279978\_(ChunkStatus.java:108) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus$SimpleGenerationTask.m\_214024\_(ChunkStatus.java:309) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.level.chunk.ChunkStatus.m\_280308\_(ChunkStatus.java:252) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkMap.lambda$chunkGenerate$27(ChunkMap.java:793) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default} at com.mojang.datafixers.util.Either$Left.map(Either.java:38) \~\[datafixerupper-6.0.8.jar!/:?\] {} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkMap.lambda$chunkGenerate$29(ChunkMap.java:780) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:OptiFine:default} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$UniCompose.tryFire(CompletableFuture.java:1150) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$Completion.run(CompletableFuture.java:482) \~\[?:?\] {} at net.minecraft.server.level.ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter.m\_143188\_(ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter.java:62) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.thread.ProcessorMailbox.m\_18759\_(ProcessorMailbox.java:91) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.thread.ProcessorMailbox.m\_18747\_(ProcessorMailbox.java:146) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading} -- Affected level --Details:
All players: 1 total; \[ServerPlayer\['IM\_THE\_SAM'/75, l='ServerLevel\[:)\]', x=2480.03, y=146.23, z=1153.84\]\] Chunk stats: 27933 Level dimension: minecraft:overworld Level spawn location: World: (0,66,0), Section: (at 0,2,0 in 0,4,0; chunk contains blocks 0,-64,0 to 15,319,15), Region: (0,0; contains chunks 0,0 to 31,31, blocks 0,-64,0 to 511,319,511) Level time: 40684 game time, 73274 day time Level name: :) Level game mode: Game mode: survival (ID 0). Hardcore: false. Cheats: false Level weather: Rain time: 67548 (now: false), thunder time: 9364 (now: true) Known server brands: forge Removed feature flags: Level was modded: true Level storage version: 0x04ABD - Anvil Loaded entity count: 301Stacktrace:
at net.minecraft.server.level.ServerLevel.m\_6026\_(ServerLevel.java:1509) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:alloc.chunk\_random.ServerLevelMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:chunk.replace\_streams.ServerLevelMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:entity.inactive\_navigations.ServerLevelMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:profiler.ServerLevelMixin,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:util.accessors.ServerLevelAccessor,pl:mixin:APP:canary.mixins.json:world.block\_entity\_ticking.sleeping.ServerLevelMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.m\_5703\_(MinecraftServer.java:952) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.m\_5705\_(MinecraftServer.java:837) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.client.server.IntegratedServer.m\_5705\_(IntegratedServer.java:129) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:classloading,xf:OptiFine:default} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.m\_130011\_(MinecraftServer.java:673) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.m\_206580\_(MinecraftServer.java:256) \~\[forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:833) \~\[?:?\] {re:mixin} -- System Details --Details:
Minecraft Version: 1.20.4 Minecraft Version ID: 1.20.4 Operating System: Windows 11 (amd64) version 10.0 Java Version: 17.0.8, Microsoft Java VM Version: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Microsoft Memory: 655399912 bytes (625 MiB) / 2147483648 bytes (2048 MiB) up to 2147483648 bytes (2048 MiB) CPUs: 12 Processor Vendor: GenuineIntel Processor Name: 11th Gen Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-11400 @ 2.60GHz Identifier: Intel64 Family 6 Model 167 Stepping 1 Microarchitecture: Rocket Lake Frequency (GHz): 2.59 Number of physical packages: 1 Number of physical CPUs: 6 Number of logical CPUs: 12 Graphics card #0 name: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 Ti Graphics card #0 vendor: NVIDIA (0x10de) Graphics card #0 VRAM (MB): 4095.00 Graphics card #0 deviceId: 0x2489 Graphics card #0 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.15.2802 Memory slot #0 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #0 clockSpeed (GHz): 2.40 Memory slot #0 type: DDR4 Memory slot #1 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #1 clockSpeed (GHz): 2.40 Memory slot #1 type: DDR4 Virtual memory max (MB): 31599.39 Virtual memory used (MB): 14193.93 Swap memory total (MB): 15360.00 Swap memory used (MB): 159.08 JVM Flags: 9 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance\_javaw.exe\_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xss1M -Xmx2G -XX:+UnlockExperimentalVMOptions -XX:+UseG1GC -XX:G1NewSizePercent=20 -XX:G1ReservePercent=20 -XX:MaxGCPauseMillis=50 -XX:G1HeapRegionSize=32M Server Running: true Player Count: 1 / 8; \[ServerPlayer\['IM\_THE\_SAM'/75, l='ServerLevel\[:)\]', x=2480.03, y=146.23, z=1153.84\]\] Data Packs: vanilla, mod:terralith, mod:forge (incompatible), mod:mousetweaks (incompatible), mod:t\_and\_t, mod:geckolib (incompatible), mod:clumps (incompatible), mod:cristellib (incompatible), mod:entityculling (incompatible), mod:canary (incompatible), mod:fallingtree (incompatible) Enabled Feature Flags: minecraft:vanilla World Generation: Experimental Type: Integrated Server (map\_client.txt) Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'forge'; Server brand changed to 'forge' Launched Version: 1.20.4-forge-49.0.50 OptiFine Version: OptiFine\_1.20.4\_HD\_U\_I7 OptiFine Build: 20240317-172634 Render Distance Chunks: 16 Mipmaps: 4 Anisotropic Filtering: 1 Antialiasing: 0 Multitexture: false Shaders: BSL\_v8.2.09p1.zip OpenGlVersion: 4.6.0 NVIDIA 528.02 OpenGlRenderer: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 Ti/PCIe/SSE2 OpenGlVendor: NVIDIA Corporation CpuCount: 12 ModLauncher: 10.1.2 ModLauncher launch target: forge\_client ModLauncher naming: srg ModLauncher services: / slf4jfixer PLUGINSERVICE / runtimedistcleaner PLUGINSERVICE / runtime\_enum\_extender PLUGINSERVICE / object\_holder\_definalize PLUGINSERVICE / capability\_token\_subclass PLUGINSERVICE / accesstransformer PLUGINSERVICE / eventbus PLUGINSERVICE / mixin PLUGINSERVICE / OptiFine TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE / fml TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE / mixin TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE FML Language Providers: minecraft@1.0 lowcodefml@49 javafml@49.0.50 Mod List: Terralith\_1.20\_v2.5.1.jar Terralith terralith 2.5.1 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-client.jar Minecraft minecraft 1.20.4 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE entityculling-forge-1.6.4-mc1.20.4.jar EntityCulling entityculling 1.6.4 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE canary-mc1.20.4-0.3.3.jar Canary canary 0.3.3 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE FallingTree-1.20.4-1.20.4.3.jar FallingTree fallingtree 1.20.4.3 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE MouseTweaks-forge-mc1.20.2-2.26.jar Mouse Tweaks mousetweaks 2.26 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE forge-1.20.4-49.0.50-universal.jar Forge forge 49.0.50 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE t\_and\_t-1.12.1.1.jar Towns and Towers t\_and\_t 1.12.1 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE geckolib-forge-1.20.4-4.4.4.jar GeckoLib 4 geckolib 4.4.4 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Clumps-forge-1.20.4-15.0.0.2.jar Clumps clumps 15.0.0.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE cristellib-1.2.2-forge.jar Cristel Lib cristellib 1.2.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Crash Report UUID: 66846349-41d4-4cf2-8d20-f22f013f6aa7 FML: 0.0 Forge: net.minecraftforge:49.0.50
2024.05.19 17:13 kingkongsnips How can I believe someone loves me
I (26F) have been with my husband (30M) for nearly 4 years and got married at the beginning of this year. I’ve always been extremely insecure in our relationship and I felt like he was never over his ex (or basically anyone he had any kind of relationship with before me) and that he settled for me. Admittedly, in the very beginning of our relationship he had inadvertently compared me to his ex. I also read an old journal of his where he went on for pages about how much he loved her and all the things he loved about her. All these years later and being married, I still replay it and I’ve convinced myself he thinks about her and compares me all the time.
We got into an argument this morning because I had a dream he was cheating on me with his ex, and I asked him if he regrets marrying me. He got very upset and now thinks I regret our marriage because I bring up how I think he doesn’t love me all the time. He says he can’t keep defending himself and I look for things to validate the narrative I created. I love him more than anything, but I have this intense fear it’s not reciprocated. He does nice things for me, treats me well, supports me, and the only issue we really have in our relationship is our communication skills (but honestly I know I’m more of the problem with that) so I have no true reason to feel like this, but I do.
I have been in therapy for nearly 3 years, but my first therapist never mentioned BPD, while my current therapist thinks I show traits but hasn’t formally diagnosed me yet.
Any advice on how to move past this? I feel like I’m ruining my marriage.
submitted by kingkongsnips to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
We got into an argument this morning because I had a dream he was cheating on me with his ex, and I asked him if he regrets marrying me. He got very upset and now thinks I regret our marriage because I bring up how I think he doesn’t love me all the time. He says he can’t keep defending himself and I look for things to validate the narrative I created. I love him more than anything, but I have this intense fear it’s not reciprocated. He does nice things for me, treats me well, supports me, and the only issue we really have in our relationship is our communication skills (but honestly I know I’m more of the problem with that) so I have no true reason to feel like this, but I do.
I have been in therapy for nearly 3 years, but my first therapist never mentioned BPD, while my current therapist thinks I show traits but hasn’t formally diagnosed me yet.
Any advice on how to move past this? I feel like I’m ruining my marriage.
2024.05.19 17:05 NeoIsTheChosen1 My (24M) girlfriend (22F) left me feeling unattractive and unworthy of love. I feel like I won’t find anyone better. How did you get over “the one” that got away?
My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.
submitted by NeoIsTheChosen1 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.
2024.05.19 16:58 ThrowRAanoncanon How to believe someone loves me
I (26F) have been with my husband (30M) for nearly 4 years and got married at the beginning of this year. I’ve always been extremely insecure in our relationship and I felt like he was never over his ex (or basically anyone he had any kind of relationship with before me) and that he settled for me. Admittedly, in the very beginning of our relationship he had inadvertently compared me to his ex. I also read an old journal of his where he went on for pages about how much he loved her and all the things he loved about her. All these years later and being married, I still replay it and I’ve convinced myself he thinks about her and compares me all the time.
We got into an argument this morning because I had a dream he was cheating on me with his ex, and I asked him if he regrets marrying me. He got very upset and now thinks I regret our marriage because I bring up how I think he doesn’t love me all the time. He says he can’t keep defending himself and I look for things to validate the narrative I created. I love him more than anything, but I have this intense fear it’s not reciprocated. He does nice things for me, treats me well, supports me, and the only issue we really have in our relationship is our communication skills (but honestly I know I’m more of the problem with that) so I have no true reason to feel like this, but I do.
I have been in therapy for nearly 3 years, but my first therapist never mentioned BPD, while my current therapist thinks I show traits but hasn’t formally diagnosed me yet.
Any advice on how to move past this? I feel like I’m ruining my marriage.
submitted by ThrowRAanoncanon to BPD [link] [comments]
We got into an argument this morning because I had a dream he was cheating on me with his ex, and I asked him if he regrets marrying me. He got very upset and now thinks I regret our marriage because I bring up how I think he doesn’t love me all the time. He says he can’t keep defending himself and I look for things to validate the narrative I created. I love him more than anything, but I have this intense fear it’s not reciprocated. He does nice things for me, treats me well, supports me, and the only issue we really have in our relationship is our communication skills (but honestly I know I’m more of the problem with that) so I have no true reason to feel like this, but I do.
I have been in therapy for nearly 3 years, but my first therapist never mentioned BPD, while my current therapist thinks I show traits but hasn’t formally diagnosed me yet.
Any advice on how to move past this? I feel like I’m ruining my marriage.
2024.05.19 16:50 DragonHeartForever AITAH for trying to help someone with their pets?
Hi everyone, this may turn into a long post as I write this out and (admittedly) vent some frustrations I currently have (sorry in advance if that's not allowed).
To start off, between my SO and I we have 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a bunny. Someone at work stated a family member of theirs couldn't hold on to their two cats, so they were looking to re-home them, or they be sent off to the shelter by the end of last week. I felt bad, as I wouldn't want to give up my animals if I was put in the position that this person is in (basically they moved, but due to certain life events they had to move in with their parents who said no to the cats). So I offered to hold on to them so they wouldn't end up in the shelter, and they would be returned to their owner once they find a place they can stay at that will allow them to have cats.
The issue at hand is that my GF really doesn't want them here, claiming they could have some issue like a disease or something, which to q degree is understandable, but I'm keeping them separated from our other animals for the time being (even though the owner has stated they are healthy and is trying to send paperwork). She stated she also feels disrespected (more on this further down) that I would go forward with this without her approval (I did mention a few times about the cats, so it wasn't completely out of the blue). As such, she is threatening to break up with me over this if they are not removed from the home (she's also threatened throwing them outside and making them street cats, which obviously isn't good).
I'm upset that I'm trying to be a good person but am being forced to not be allowed to do so (I figured since we already have 3 cats, what's 2 more for some time, considering cats are low effort in my opinion).
Now for some juicy details that you redditors may enjoy reading. As I've stated earlier, she feels disrespected that I would move forward with this decision, without talking to her more about it. I honestly didn't think it would be a big issue since we both love animals. Growing up, whenever I visit my home country, if there was an animal that needed to take care of, I'd end up giving away a good portion of my vacation looking after said animal. And if I couldn't look after it for some time for whatever reason, a portion of my mind was constantly preoccupied wondering if they were ok. For my gf, as an example, she guilt trip me into taking in a pet rat that we we unprepared to take in (this was the only reason why I was against it, as neither of us had the money to buy a proper enclosure), as she was concerned that someone would end up buying it as snake food. This obviously made me feel bad, and we ended up getting the rat (ended up passing away, so it's currently not in the picture). She's has also stated that she wanted chickens, which I also don't mind, as roosters crowing and hens clucking remind me of my grandparents' farm. I'm hesitant on that only because I'd need to put in the time, energy, and money into making an enclosure for them (can't just have them running around in the backyard). So you can see why I thought she wouldn't mind looking after 2 cats who we are indirectly ready to take in due to having our cats. I have my suspicions thay she's jealous/insecure about it being another female's cats, as she asked a question or two about the scenario that in my opinion didn't pertain to the cats directly (more on this layer)
The issue I have with her claiming she feels disrespected is I feel like I bend over backwards for her, while also letting her walk all over me, to the point where she claimed I have/had sex with my mom (she did not say this directly to me, she stated it to certain family members who have relayed it back to me) which such a thing has never occurred. She also believes I have done something to the our animals. The first time she stated that if she found out I ever did something to the animals, she'd find someplace to go and take all the animals and I'd never find her. Another time my dog was pooping, and she asked why his rectum looked like that (again, pretty much claiming I did something to my dog). The most recent claim she's made is I went out to walk my dog, and ended up talking to one of our "neighbors" (they live behind the house that's directly across the street from us) and I admittedly stayed for a very long time. She tried calling me, but my phone was on silent for some reason, and I ended up missing her call. She sent me a few messages, the first 2 claiming she was going to call the police and file a missing person report (understandable considering how long I've been gone, and the fact it was around 11 at night), but then the following messages claimed she hopes my dog doesn't come back raped, and the message after that asked if I was "getting fucked by Dan" (I don't even a Dan where we live). She's also claimed I did something to her dog, as she thought her puppy looked prolapsed during her period. So as you can see, there's been a lot of claims by her of me supposedly sodomizing the animals which I want to make clear has not happened.
To make matters worse, and possibly the cherry on top, she claims to have taken some photos that pertain to me that she claims she will post online if we ever break up so people know the real me (I won't get into too much detail, but it is of a sexual nature that luckily doesn't have me directly in it, but nonetheless wouldn't be a good thing to be put online if she goes through with it). I haven't seen these photos directly, but I'm going to assume the worse and believe they exist. I believe this falls under the category of blackmail, bit I'm not sure, as she hasn't used it as leverage to get me to buy her things or do things for her, etc.
I'll admit that I maybe haven't been her perfect boyfriend. I did try however I could, even going above my means to try to please her, which I am am now literally paying for (something I'm currently working on). I also will admit that I have spoken about her to my family members behind her back, although they claim that I'm not speaking ill of her if what she does/says is true (they have witnessed how she is first hand, so they know I'm not talking out my ass about certain things). Am I crazy/in the wrong to think "the audacity of the bitch" when she says she feels disrespected, when she has claimed all the things above?
For some chocolate drizzle: I had a surgery a few months back that I was healing from, and I was laying in the bath tub letting the shower head hit me, just trying to relax a bit, when she comes into the bath to rinse off her dirty feet almost right above my incision (it was basically an open wound with some glue over it).
This is all excluding the constant accusations I get from her about cheating on her. She wants access to my phone (I have somehow managed to stick to my giluns and not give it to her) and I have shown her my text messages a handful of times, and she never finds anything because, well, I'm not cheating on her. I'll admit that I have some sensitive information on my phone that I don't want her to have access to the primary one being bank accounts, and I don't want her seeing my degeneracy on reddit (thank you anonymous browsing lol)
That's it for now. Again, sorry for the long post that turned into a venting/advice session. I have the right of mind to either move into an apartment by myself for some time and letting her figure out what to with her animals and try to get away from this mess. Or better yet, let her be mad over the cats, and break up with me for wanting to help someone out, and potentially take her to the cleaners legally if she goes through with posting the photos about me. I don't want to take legal action against her and potentially ruin her future, as I understand she hasn't had the best life growing up, but I'm also tired of letting her get away with whatever she wants.
submitted by DragonHeartForever to AITAH [link] [comments]
To start off, between my SO and I we have 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a bunny. Someone at work stated a family member of theirs couldn't hold on to their two cats, so they were looking to re-home them, or they be sent off to the shelter by the end of last week. I felt bad, as I wouldn't want to give up my animals if I was put in the position that this person is in (basically they moved, but due to certain life events they had to move in with their parents who said no to the cats). So I offered to hold on to them so they wouldn't end up in the shelter, and they would be returned to their owner once they find a place they can stay at that will allow them to have cats.
The issue at hand is that my GF really doesn't want them here, claiming they could have some issue like a disease or something, which to q degree is understandable, but I'm keeping them separated from our other animals for the time being (even though the owner has stated they are healthy and is trying to send paperwork). She stated she also feels disrespected (more on this further down) that I would go forward with this without her approval (I did mention a few times about the cats, so it wasn't completely out of the blue). As such, she is threatening to break up with me over this if they are not removed from the home (she's also threatened throwing them outside and making them street cats, which obviously isn't good).
I'm upset that I'm trying to be a good person but am being forced to not be allowed to do so (I figured since we already have 3 cats, what's 2 more for some time, considering cats are low effort in my opinion).
Now for some juicy details that you redditors may enjoy reading. As I've stated earlier, she feels disrespected that I would move forward with this decision, without talking to her more about it. I honestly didn't think it would be a big issue since we both love animals. Growing up, whenever I visit my home country, if there was an animal that needed to take care of, I'd end up giving away a good portion of my vacation looking after said animal. And if I couldn't look after it for some time for whatever reason, a portion of my mind was constantly preoccupied wondering if they were ok. For my gf, as an example, she guilt trip me into taking in a pet rat that we we unprepared to take in (this was the only reason why I was against it, as neither of us had the money to buy a proper enclosure), as she was concerned that someone would end up buying it as snake food. This obviously made me feel bad, and we ended up getting the rat (ended up passing away, so it's currently not in the picture). She's has also stated that she wanted chickens, which I also don't mind, as roosters crowing and hens clucking remind me of my grandparents' farm. I'm hesitant on that only because I'd need to put in the time, energy, and money into making an enclosure for them (can't just have them running around in the backyard). So you can see why I thought she wouldn't mind looking after 2 cats who we are indirectly ready to take in due to having our cats. I have my suspicions thay she's jealous/insecure about it being another female's cats, as she asked a question or two about the scenario that in my opinion didn't pertain to the cats directly (more on this layer)
The issue I have with her claiming she feels disrespected is I feel like I bend over backwards for her, while also letting her walk all over me, to the point where she claimed I have/had sex with my mom (she did not say this directly to me, she stated it to certain family members who have relayed it back to me) which such a thing has never occurred. She also believes I have done something to the our animals. The first time she stated that if she found out I ever did something to the animals, she'd find someplace to go and take all the animals and I'd never find her. Another time my dog was pooping, and she asked why his rectum looked like that (again, pretty much claiming I did something to my dog). The most recent claim she's made is I went out to walk my dog, and ended up talking to one of our "neighbors" (they live behind the house that's directly across the street from us) and I admittedly stayed for a very long time. She tried calling me, but my phone was on silent for some reason, and I ended up missing her call. She sent me a few messages, the first 2 claiming she was going to call the police and file a missing person report (understandable considering how long I've been gone, and the fact it was around 11 at night), but then the following messages claimed she hopes my dog doesn't come back raped, and the message after that asked if I was "getting fucked by Dan" (I don't even a Dan where we live). She's also claimed I did something to her dog, as she thought her puppy looked prolapsed during her period. So as you can see, there's been a lot of claims by her of me supposedly sodomizing the animals which I want to make clear has not happened.
To make matters worse, and possibly the cherry on top, she claims to have taken some photos that pertain to me that she claims she will post online if we ever break up so people know the real me (I won't get into too much detail, but it is of a sexual nature that luckily doesn't have me directly in it, but nonetheless wouldn't be a good thing to be put online if she goes through with it). I haven't seen these photos directly, but I'm going to assume the worse and believe they exist. I believe this falls under the category of blackmail, bit I'm not sure, as she hasn't used it as leverage to get me to buy her things or do things for her, etc.
I'll admit that I maybe haven't been her perfect boyfriend. I did try however I could, even going above my means to try to please her, which I am am now literally paying for (something I'm currently working on). I also will admit that I have spoken about her to my family members behind her back, although they claim that I'm not speaking ill of her if what she does/says is true (they have witnessed how she is first hand, so they know I'm not talking out my ass about certain things). Am I crazy/in the wrong to think "the audacity of the bitch" when she says she feels disrespected, when she has claimed all the things above?
For some chocolate drizzle: I had a surgery a few months back that I was healing from, and I was laying in the bath tub letting the shower head hit me, just trying to relax a bit, when she comes into the bath to rinse off her dirty feet almost right above my incision (it was basically an open wound with some glue over it).
This is all excluding the constant accusations I get from her about cheating on her. She wants access to my phone (I have somehow managed to stick to my giluns and not give it to her) and I have shown her my text messages a handful of times, and she never finds anything because, well, I'm not cheating on her. I'll admit that I have some sensitive information on my phone that I don't want her to have access to the primary one being bank accounts, and I don't want her seeing my degeneracy on reddit (thank you anonymous browsing lol)
That's it for now. Again, sorry for the long post that turned into a venting/advice session. I have the right of mind to either move into an apartment by myself for some time and letting her figure out what to with her animals and try to get away from this mess. Or better yet, let her be mad over the cats, and break up with me for wanting to help someone out, and potentially take her to the cleaners legally if she goes through with posting the photos about me. I don't want to take legal action against her and potentially ruin her future, as I understand she hasn't had the best life growing up, but I'm also tired of letting her get away with whatever she wants.
2024.05.19 16:38 ShoddyAthlete3924 I have officially blocked him
 | I got this message from my ex - who has been seeing me and giving me false hope for the last 6 months since he broke up with me BUT I saw him out with another girl the other day and it really hurt me and this was his response. Long story short our relationship was full of love- but toxic. He cheated on my a disgusting amount of times and those are just the times I know. I can’t imagine what I don’t know. But I had a friend the other day put it into words for me “ I have slept with 50 + people and not once have I gotten an STD, your boyfriend of 7 years have you STDs twice” that being said the man still puts the blame on me about the relationship ending and is saying my reactions and actions ( freaking out about him cheating or if you looked at other girls in front of me, or I’d get anxious anytime he went out or by chance I’d see his phone and see him sextinf 12 other women) my confidence was so so shot and I also became toxic by trying to control him and and protect myself from this hurt. I loved this man with all of me & didn’t want to give up. But I have officially tapped out. He to this day still will not take any accountability for his actions and puts the blame fully on me. It’s so hurtful it’s so damaging but I start my no contact and I goes for good because I can’t waste another 7 years and i hope I heal in ways others could as well. If anyone has any advice let me know. We live in the same small town and see each other kinda often out . P.s in this message it seems very manipulative and not genuine. Because right before this he was calling me a crazy POS. He’s layed hands on me , lied to me, cheated on me and told me I didn’t deserve his protection & for some reason I still stayed but after moving out this has all been so hard still. submitted by ShoddyAthlete3924 to ExNoContact [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 16:04 APCleriot My Family Isn't In The Family Photos
What’s in the closet, Kirsty?
He knew I hid a secret.
I smiled, tried to look confused.
He waited, crossing his arms.
I worried that he'd already seen. He had.
What else could he think about the pile?
His wife’s a cheater. She has another life. Another husband. Children.
He’d never believe the truth: I’m not a cheater; there’s no other life; no other man; I don’t know who the children are who visit me at night.
But I did have a secret. And maybe it’s fair to say another life, even if was smaller and against my will.
I should have destroyed those frames, burned the photos within. Now it looked like I saved them, cherished them. The truth couldn’t be farther. I feared to touch anything to do with… whatever they are…with one exception.
“It started last Halloween,” I said to George, my husband, my real husband.
He stopped packing for a moment, working out the impossibility of this statement. “I’m taking the girls to my parents.” He resumed the tossing of shirts, pants, etc. into our big suitcase.
“It’s true,” I said, but weakly. The children in the picture are at least six and four respectively. They were born six months ago.
“They’re not… my kids,” I said of the boys in the photos. They’re not kids is what I almost said.
George stopped and squeezed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “Kirsty,” he said slowly, “there are baby pictures. I saw them.”
“That’s-”
He quickly raised his finger, exasperated, angry, done.
“The first picture is you holding a newborn, and…” He swallowed painfully, his throat gone dry. It always does when he’s upset. “And the father in that picture, with his arm around you, isn’t me.”
When I couldn't deny it, he nodded like he knew all along our marriage would end.
We were happy. We really were. George and I had managed to overcome the typical breakdown that often comes with raising children. Only since last Halloween had distance been made by me.
I should have told him as soon as it started.
“Girls!” he called as I followed him down the stairs to the front hall of our lovely home. We’d scrimped and sacrificed to buy and keep this place, our dream by the lake. He’d been so proud. I couldn’t tell him I wanted to leave the first night sleeping there.
Cara and Ella protested through play, ignoring the adults, continuing to jump on an old box they’d long since flattened. Rays from the western sun placed my daughters into an inspired, hallowed light, and I started to cry. He was going to take my babies away.
George opened the door, intending, I’m sure, to drop the suitcase in the car before returning to physically carry the girls out.
But he hesitated in the doorway.
“George?”
The suitcase fell with a solid thud on the floor. “There’s no way,” he said.
“What?”
“There’s no way,” he said, with emphasis on the last word, “you would have had time for…this…”
Not defining "this" as cheating was progress. “Yes!”
He glared, quieting my desperate enthusiasm. I wasn’t off the hook. “Tell me. The truth.”
“I can’t.”
He reached for the suitcase.
“No, not because I don’t want to,” I protested. “I don’t know what’s happening!” I sat on the carpeted steps and stared through blurred vision at my trembling hands. The shriek I’d filled the house with - “happening!” - had put a halt to the box's obliteration. Cara and Ella hesitated for a few seconds before leaping into action.
Cara, the oldest, six, punched her dad in the buttocks. “You have to be nice!”
Ella, four, sat beside me and patted my trembling hands. “It’s okay, mummy.”
Such lovely daughters. Nothing like the boys in those photos when they were this age.
George grasped Cara's wrists and gently walked her back into the house, using his foot to kick the suitcase from the swing of the front door.
"It's alright, girls," he said with weak resolve. "Go and play."
"No!" Cara shouted. She kicked at her father and he pulled her close into a bearhug. Gradually, the girls calmed and were convinced to return to the box in the front room.
"Kirsty," George said, "you have to tell me." He sat down on the step beside me. "Please." I would do anything to take away the hurt in his eyes. "Please."
"I can't. But… I can write it down. Maybe." I took out my phone. We shared Google Drive. When I made a new document, he reluctantly started his phone. The man was a dream. He watched his screen, and waited patiently for my words to appear.
Without preamble, I returned to the awful moment when it all began: a strange and disturbing dream. Words came like an infection from beneath a torn scab. The wound had been opened. Nothing could stop this now.
Sex with another man has never been a desire of mine. I love George. He loves me.
Plus, the man in my dream was a stranger, and not particularly handsome. He has a plain face set to unwavering boredom and unkempt male pattern baldness. Our dream sex felt obligatory, just something we had to do.
I awoke on the wrong side of midnight. November 1st and I was craving ice cream instead of the girls' gathered candy. The freezer left by the previous homeowners came with unopened ice cream. Freezer burned or not, I wanted some.
After retrieving a spoon from the kitchen, I intended to destroy a brick of neopolitan. He waited in his flannel pajamas, barefoot on the concrete floor. His arms were crossed.
"Cravings?" he said.
I dropped the spoon. It clattered down the basement steps. Before I could run away, he disappeared like someone had erased him from head to foot in one clean sweep.
Had to be a dream. That's what I told myself. The spoon stayed in the basement until daylight. Ghost or nightmare, there was laundry to do the next day.
I crossed the concrete floor fast and only felt safer when I'd closed the door to the more modern laundry room. Never thought builder's grade tiles and track lights would make me feel anything but sad.
His voice caught me sorting.
"Kirsty!"
I dropped the cup of detergent all over the floor.
"Shit."
I came out of the laundry room, figuring George had been looking for me in uncharacteristically rude fashion. He hated speaking between rooms. Shouting throughout the house was highly impolite. It must have been important, I figured.
As soon as I stepped onto the bare concrete, however, deep sadness, the kind that seems to physically leech the strength from your body, dominated the room.
"Hello?" I don't know why I said that. The basement is a low ceilinged rectangle. There are no hiding spots except for the laundry room I'd come from. After a deep breath, I walked briskly to the stairs.
"Any day now," a raspy voice breathed into my ear. I jolted and slipped forward, falling and clipping my chin off a step. It made my teeth click painfully. Nobody there, of course. I ran upstairs and George had gone outside with the girls to play hide and seek.
I wanted to tell him. He looked so happy. It's hard to convey in words the kind of smile he showed me through the window. Imagine contentment mixed with unreserved joy and hope. Yes, it's difficult to picture. So few of us can ever have such a moment. Sort of like finding a natural view completely untouched by humanity. Beyond rare and precious.
I’m rambling now to avoid writing about what followed. The point is I couldn’t tell him. I hoped it’d go away and stop.
But, of course, it didn’t, and things got much worse.
I awoke in a great deal of pain. Having already given birth to children, the feeling was familiar. Despite getting up and gasping, George continued to snore in our bed. He’s a deep sleeper, but a quick and early riser. I’ve never heard him complain about getting out of bed either, especially when there’s an emergency.
I might have woken him up but I was disoriented and confused. Part of me believed I was still pregnant with Ella. It wasn’t until I’d gone all the way to the kitchen to avoid waking up the girls, that my brain caught up: Girls. Plural. Ella was asleep in her bed upstairs.
“Ohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit.” I knew the signs of labour. This couldn’t be happening. “Ohhhhhhhhh.”
I was definitely going to wake everyone up if this continued.
My phone was upstairs by my bedside table. We don’t have a landline. I should have called 911. I should have woken up George.
Instead, I went downstairs where I could vocalize pain without disturbing anyone. Such a pathetically passive response. But that’s how I was raised. Keep it down, don't you frown.
His hands seized mine as soon as I descended the last step. Serious and bald without dignity is how to best describe his physical appearance. Cold and cruel is what he is. The lights turned off and, in the perfect darkness of the basement, he was all that I could see.
He produces a red light from his body somehow but his touch is literally frosty.
"Kristy, it's time," he said. No joy there. Just straight facts. Something was coming. I was going to give birth to it. In the dull red glow of his being, the first boy came.
"His name is Hadad," the man said, placing a large, infant boy with a lot of hair and, I swear, a hint of beard, on the bare concrete. Hadad looked like a three month old they use as newborns on TV. He didn't cry. He hardly seemed to breathe as his dark eyes roamed the darkness. His light resembled the man's, a less intense red.
I felt another contraction, and winced.
"She comes next," the man said.
I felt so weak. "Who are you?" I asked him.
At last, he smiled and I wished he hadn't. It made me feel small, insignificant, and beneath his concern. "You know who I am," he said. "I'm your husband."
Pain wracked my entire body. Something didn't feel right. The birth of Cara and Ella had been without difficulty.
"Push," my "husband" ordered. "She is upset with you, and will kill you if you don't get her out now."
"It has to be a nightmare," I told him. Sweat poured in streams down my face. The unborn "she" in question writhed and damaged my insides. I screamed. I couldn't help it.
"Push!"
I obeyed and the second boy spilled onto the bare concrete, coated in blood and dust.
"It's a boy," I said.
The man looked displeased. "The body is male. She is Hebat. No wonder she is angry." Like the other infant, Hebat appeared aware of her surroundings and had far too much motor control for a newborn. The light pouring from her body was dull silver. Her eye sockets were two pits of concentrated despair. I had to look away.
The babies were pressed into my arms.
The man stretched out beside me. "Open your eyes and smile." I resisted. "Do it. Now." What choice did I have? The flash from his cell blinded me. They were all gone by the time my sight recovered. Only the sweat remained as evidence of the ordeal.
It had to have been a hallucination. Some very bad food poisoning maybe. The source could be as simple as an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. I had been stress eating since we'd moved in. I stood up and took some comfort in a Charles Dickens' reference.
"More of gravy than of grave about you," I said. My words seemed consumed by the dreadful weight of the air. "Whatever you are."
Whatever you are: something bad in any case. At best, I'd hallucinated prolonged and traumatic labour and needed medical attention. Yet, when I limped up the basement stairs, all thoughts of waking George vanished. There on the kitchen island sat a propped frame containing the photograph taken only moments ago.
The man looked happy. Only Hadad appeared in this picture, which meant another one was somewhere. I didn't panic. I worried more about what George would think if he saw the photos. I had to find them all.
Hebat and his father and I were mounted in a dark wood frame by the master bedroom. It'd be the first thing anyone saw if they woke up. I plucked it off the wall and, together with the first photo, tucked it under some blankets in the dresser we'd shoved in the small walk-in closet.
You might not believe this, but I went straight to sleep after. I climbed under the blanket in my sweaty pajamas, shut my eyes, and didn't have enough time to deny what had happened. I was unconscious until morning.
George placed a coffee on my nightstand. That's what I remember. He rubbed my feet while I slowly awoke. The girls were watching TV downstairs, munching on apple slices. There was forty minutes still before we had to seriously consider getting ready to take Cara to school.
George would drop her off on his way to work downtown. He chose his hours and always chose convenience for his wife and kids. Ella and I planned to spend the morning gardening. Then we would nap much of the afternoon away until George and Cara returned. A life so perfect is so very rare.
I didn't want to spoil things with a very convincing nightmare. Besides, I felt fine. Not so good that I wanted to look in the dresser to see if those photos really were there, but not ill. So I remained silent again.
November started fine. Idyllic days and nights filled with laughter and joy and television. Just as I started to believe in the dream we'd made, they came again.
The wail of a child's hunger is a powerful call for a parent. When it's a chorus, even of two, it cannot be ignored. Only I awoke to Hadad and Hebat's cries for their "mother" from the basement.
Half asleep, I drifted into the kitchen and searched for their milk bottles. When no bottles could be found, I remembered they were newborns. Milk swelled in my breasts and made my nipples ache. Just like when Cara or Ella would awaken in the night. It was a relief to feed them.
But what the fuck was I doing?
I was acting like the man in the basement and the devil babies were mine. It'd been less than a week since Halloween and that horrible nightmare illusion. I had already taken on the beleaguered newborn mother role without question.
Their cries intensified and flayed the weak resistance of exhausted reasoning.
Don't wake George. Don't wake my babies, my real babies.
"What took you so long?" the man critized, his voice monotone, the question unrhetorical.
"I… was sleeping. I went to the fridge first." Under his severe gaze, I stopped in the midst of the dark room. Hadad had quieted. Hebat cooed as if laughing at her own joke. I couldn't see them because the lights were off. They liked the dark better. Somehow I knew that about them and him.
"You should sleep down here," he said. "A mother should always be close to her babies."
The statement was nonsense but not altogether wrong. I wanted to be close to my babies, the daughters sleeping in bliss upstairs, away from the evil fermentation in the basement.
"Kirsty," he said. "Are you listening?" His hand touched the small of my back. The gentleness surprised me. I squawked and flinched away. "What’s wrong with you? They're hungry." He pressed on my shoulders until I sat on the cold floor.
They came from the shadows, already walking. I wanted to go, but I knew he wouldn't allow it. He pulled my cat t-shirt off over my head and their fierce mouths suckled, relieving the pressure of excess breast milk quickly. It felt physically good and psychologically alien.
I looked down at them once and immediately regretted it. Their emanated light had intensified to a point where perception of them hurt.
Each time I blinked my eyes were drawn to some isolated part of their bodies. The vision got closer to the point of disgust. Everything is gross if you're close enough. There is no beauty under a microscope. If you think there is then you're not using the right magnification.
Hebat's eye drew me in. At first, I saw the dark sphere, and then the strands of her eyelashes. Her gravity kept pulling until the creatures that live in eyelashes were revealed: Demodex folliculorum. I looked the microscopic horrors up.
The babies had more parasites than any child should. They wanted to show me and could somehow do so.
I asked him about it. "Why are they showing me these worms?"
He smiled, contemptuously as usual. "Trying to impress mother. Neither of them understand your horror and insignificance. You are the ant who knows they're an ant. Lucky you. They think you will be proud of the life their corporeal forms produce and host. Give them a few hours. It will pass."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm not sure what you mean. We're married. Now, prepare to smile." His cell reappeared and I noted the lack of features; it might have been a singed rectangle of spent firewood. He frowned when I failed to smile. "Smile, Kirsty. These are your children."
I managed to stave off the tears and hold the babies close. The smile was more difficult. In the inevitable aftermath of their sudden disappearance, the frames depicted an exhausted, wrinkly woman smiling painfully. It took a second to recognize myself.
The things in the basement sapped my strength. I looked dehydrated, beleaguered. The scale in the bathroom said I'd dropped six pounds. I'd weighed myself the morning before.
"Whoa, you've lost weight," George noted, thinking I'd be pleased. "This place has been so good for us, eh?'
To produce another smile proved as draining as the previous night. "Y-yes," I stuttered too late for him to ignore.
"Hey," he said, touching my forearm.
I flinched.
"Whoa, you okay? What's wrong?"
I should have told him. "Nothing. Bad sleep. A nightmare. I'll be fine."
A lie is an agreement. George wanted to agree, I think. He wanted life to be fine because he was happy for once. We struggled so hard before we came to Bridal Veil Lake. It was supposed to be our dream.
Guilty if I told him the truth. Guilty because I didn't. I began to resent his happiness, though he had done nothing but be the wonderful man he'd always been.
To Cara and Ella I became a body in motion, No brain left to guide them away from harm or answer their questions about nature and the universe.
"I don't know." That's what I told them often.
So they began to treat me like a kind of butler.
"Can I have some juice, please?"
"Sure, sweetheart."
"Mommy, can I have a snack?"
"Of course." And I'd run off to fetch it.
"Cookies."
"Yes, dear."
When Christmas came, I had two and they induced the same level of joy. Visiting the basement to feed and nurture Hebat and Hadad became a nightly occurrence. I'd learned to awaken, if I could get to sleep at all, and go quietly.
He berated me severely if I missed a night, and there were subtle threats made casually.
"I may have to squash you yet," he said, his tone as deep and cold as always.
"It won't happen again," I promised. "They’re getting big." In fact, they were no longer infants. Both had grown to the approximate age of six or seven in a few months. Still, they never spoke. Their dark eyes watched me as they ate food from the kitchen upstairs, food I'd hidden from my family.
"More meat," the man demanded.
"Of course." And I ran to the freezer and gave them frozen sausages in the package. They never complained or demanded the food be prepared a different way. No objections from my "husband" either.
Hebat tore the styrofoam and plastic wrap away and flattened the row of sausages stuck together between powerful molars. Hadad contented itself with licking them like a popsicle.
I'd stay until the photo. Then they'd release me by vanishing. Always with an exhausted breath, I'd trudge up the stairs and search for the frames and hide them in the same place.
They only smiled in the pictures. At no other time did they express any kind of emotion unless indifference counts.
My own children and husband weren't doing much better. Their concerns about my fatigue and ruminating slowly ceased as I repeated the excuse: I’m just tired. It'll pass.
Of course, I did not know when the nightmare would stop.
"When will it end?" I asked him one night, while Hebat and Hadad exercised like they had a mission.
"What do you mean?" he said.
I was surprised he answered. He usually didn't. "This. This. When can I go back to normal and not come down every night? I'm so very tired."
He frowned and I thought some punishment must be coming. Instead, he looked more confused. "I don't understand. You aren't happy? Your children grow into power and strength and will take their place in the world. They will be great and you - you, of all the tiny things, made that happen. Ask yourself what you want out of life, and see if Hebat and Haddad aren't your answer."
Too many words, all at once, for an exhausted mother. I didn't speak for the rest of the night. The infernal trio vanished, and the latter moments of the ritual I carried out with his challenge in mind.
I want my children to be strong, happy, and safe.
"Juice," Cara demanded the next morning, a Saturday, while she watched cartoons.
"Get it yourself!" I hissed, from tired to angry in a second.
"But I can't," Cara accurately pointed out. She didn't look away from the TV. Looking at me wasn't safe, and she knew it. Her and Ella held hands and sat a little straighter. It broke my heart. What had I done?
George came downstairs, attracted by my shouting. "What’s going on?"
Empathy became sadness, and the constant burden rekindled to anger swiftly. "Just children treating me like a servant."
He smiled. "Ah, yes, and how are the royal princesses this morning?"
His levity irked me. "You would know if you didn't sleep in so much."
The smile vanished from his face, and instead of the fight I seemed to want, he mumbled a quiet apology and joined the girls. They climbed onto him as he wrapped them into a cuddle.
"What are we watching?" George restarted his smile, his calm, for the girls. I hated myself. It had to end. Tonight.
After another dreary day of going through the motions, and the girls and George had fallen asleep, I went to the kitchen and chose the knife I thought sharpest.
"Kirsty," he said, his voice a whisper rising from the depths of the house.
"Coming," I whispered back.
"Mom," said another voice, a girl's, and I knew that Hebat had, at last, found herself and the wholeness of her being had been corrected.
I started to cry. I went downstairs and there she was with her brother and her father. He looked tired but some of the grimness had cracked to allow the first real contentment I've ever seen him express.
"Is that for the cake?" he asked. "We already have one."
I remembered the sharp knife. "Meat," I said. "There’s ham in the freezer."
He nodded, seeming to accept the answer.
"Mom," Hebat said, "Do you think I'm…" She gestured to herself, her face, and her body, and I understood the question, born from doubt and a desire to be validated.
I pulled her close. "You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world." We cried together. Hadad cut into a poorly made, asymmetrical cake by the light of his aura. No one cared that he did so on the floor. I brought out the ham from the fridge and we ate slices with our hands.
"It's almost done," he said. "They’re nearly grown. They are strong, and they are happy. You've done a good job, Kirsty." He watched our children fight to smear icing on each other's faces. "I'm sorry if I was mean. Or cold. I've never done this before." And he meant raising children. "It was the hardest, scariest thing anyone can try. I shouldn't have blamed you for… Hebat… It wasn't your fault."
Before I could pat his hand, he and the kids vanished. Darkness so familiar couldn't extinguish a new fear. I went upstairs and found the last frame. I held my daughter in the photo, my beautiful Hebat. He must have taken the photo without my notice.
I took it upstairs but couldn't bring myself to hide it.
I didn't see that one, George wrote into the document.
I forgot he was watching.
He typed again: Are you saying there is something in the basement?
Yes, I replied.
He stirred in the living room. I hadn't moved from the stairs, but I could tell by his stomping how angry he'd become. All of his negative, violent traits he saved for those in the world who would harm his family. George the Protector was fearsome to behold.
But he had no chance against my other husband.
"Come out! Come out you coward!" George bellowed. At first, nothing happened. The moment before calamity, even when the specific consequences aren't known, is still in slow motion. He carried on shouting. The girls rushed into the hall and didn’t hesitate to investigate.
"No!" I shouted. "Cara! Ella!"
Their feet padded down the steps. A violent commotion followed, screams and raging voices, both deep and childishly shrill.
The most unsettling quiet followed.
I chewed through the fear and the horror tearing me apart and finally moved.
No evidence of violence could be seen from the top of the stairs. The concrete looked bare and dusty and the light revealed nothing more. They were gone, all of them.
"Hebat," I whispered. "Cara? George?"
Him, I thought of, the nameless husband and felt no hint of his presence. He'd always been there. I know that now. It had nothing to do with the house. His absence was felt more than his insidious presence. Yet, I felt no relief. George and the girls were gone. I sat on the floor and cried for all my missing children.
When I finally emerged from the basement, the whole house had been filled with night. Their photos were everywhere. The others were upstairs. I gathered them on the kitchen island. How could I explain any of this to the police?
I needed help. I called my parents. It took twenty minutes before my father picked up.
"Kirsty? What's wrong?"
"Dad," I whimpered. "George is gone. Cara. Ella."
"What? What did you say?"
"They’re gone, dad. George. The girls are gone."
I heard his bed springs protest as he rolled out of bed. My mom said something I couldn't hear, and he shushed her.
"Kirsty," he said, "are you alright? Are you hurt? Are you in danger?"
Why was it so hard to understand? "Dad. George is gone."
"Kirsty, who the hell is George?"
It was my turn to be confused. "He's my- you know him. My husband…"
"Kirsty," he said very slowly, "are you on drugs? Did you take something?"
"No. Are you?"
"Excuse me?"
I hung up.
I have their photos. I have all of their photos. That's what I brought to George's parents before the sun rose. They wouldn't open the door and spoke to me through an intercom.
"George is gone," I said.
"We'll call the police."
"This is your son. These are your granddaughters."
I heard my mother-in-law say, "Who is she?"
"We don't have a son," my father-in-law said. "Go away."
I left.
Back to the house. Our dream sat empty and I live there, but none of the people in my family photos are my family.
I remember but the world never does. My parents think I'm ill and that I used AI to create the family I apparently never had.
How did I buy the house without a job or income? With deep concern for my mental health, they showed me a news story. I had won the lottery the day I turned eighteen.
His influence there, payment for services rendered.
A lie is an agreement.
What had I agreed to? I'm afraid I know the answer: I never wanted a family.
God help me. God help them.
I don't know what to do with these pictures.
submitted by APCleriot to nosleep [link] [comments]
He knew I hid a secret.
I smiled, tried to look confused.
He waited, crossing his arms.
I worried that he'd already seen. He had.
What else could he think about the pile?
His wife’s a cheater. She has another life. Another husband. Children.
He’d never believe the truth: I’m not a cheater; there’s no other life; no other man; I don’t know who the children are who visit me at night.
But I did have a secret. And maybe it’s fair to say another life, even if was smaller and against my will.
I should have destroyed those frames, burned the photos within. Now it looked like I saved them, cherished them. The truth couldn’t be farther. I feared to touch anything to do with… whatever they are…with one exception.
“It started last Halloween,” I said to George, my husband, my real husband.
He stopped packing for a moment, working out the impossibility of this statement. “I’m taking the girls to my parents.” He resumed the tossing of shirts, pants, etc. into our big suitcase.
“It’s true,” I said, but weakly. The children in the picture are at least six and four respectively. They were born six months ago.
“They’re not… my kids,” I said of the boys in the photos. They’re not kids is what I almost said.
George stopped and squeezed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “Kirsty,” he said slowly, “there are baby pictures. I saw them.”
“That’s-”
He quickly raised his finger, exasperated, angry, done.
“The first picture is you holding a newborn, and…” He swallowed painfully, his throat gone dry. It always does when he’s upset. “And the father in that picture, with his arm around you, isn’t me.”
When I couldn't deny it, he nodded like he knew all along our marriage would end.
We were happy. We really were. George and I had managed to overcome the typical breakdown that often comes with raising children. Only since last Halloween had distance been made by me.
I should have told him as soon as it started.
“Girls!” he called as I followed him down the stairs to the front hall of our lovely home. We’d scrimped and sacrificed to buy and keep this place, our dream by the lake. He’d been so proud. I couldn’t tell him I wanted to leave the first night sleeping there.
Cara and Ella protested through play, ignoring the adults, continuing to jump on an old box they’d long since flattened. Rays from the western sun placed my daughters into an inspired, hallowed light, and I started to cry. He was going to take my babies away.
George opened the door, intending, I’m sure, to drop the suitcase in the car before returning to physically carry the girls out.
But he hesitated in the doorway.
“George?”
The suitcase fell with a solid thud on the floor. “There’s no way,” he said.
“What?”
“There’s no way,” he said, with emphasis on the last word, “you would have had time for…this…”
Not defining "this" as cheating was progress. “Yes!”
He glared, quieting my desperate enthusiasm. I wasn’t off the hook. “Tell me. The truth.”
“I can’t.”
He reached for the suitcase.
“No, not because I don’t want to,” I protested. “I don’t know what’s happening!” I sat on the carpeted steps and stared through blurred vision at my trembling hands. The shriek I’d filled the house with - “happening!” - had put a halt to the box's obliteration. Cara and Ella hesitated for a few seconds before leaping into action.
Cara, the oldest, six, punched her dad in the buttocks. “You have to be nice!”
Ella, four, sat beside me and patted my trembling hands. “It’s okay, mummy.”
Such lovely daughters. Nothing like the boys in those photos when they were this age.
George grasped Cara's wrists and gently walked her back into the house, using his foot to kick the suitcase from the swing of the front door.
"It's alright, girls," he said with weak resolve. "Go and play."
"No!" Cara shouted. She kicked at her father and he pulled her close into a bearhug. Gradually, the girls calmed and were convinced to return to the box in the front room.
"Kirsty," George said, "you have to tell me." He sat down on the step beside me. "Please." I would do anything to take away the hurt in his eyes. "Please."
"I can't. But… I can write it down. Maybe." I took out my phone. We shared Google Drive. When I made a new document, he reluctantly started his phone. The man was a dream. He watched his screen, and waited patiently for my words to appear.
Without preamble, I returned to the awful moment when it all began: a strange and disturbing dream. Words came like an infection from beneath a torn scab. The wound had been opened. Nothing could stop this now.
Sex with another man has never been a desire of mine. I love George. He loves me.
Plus, the man in my dream was a stranger, and not particularly handsome. He has a plain face set to unwavering boredom and unkempt male pattern baldness. Our dream sex felt obligatory, just something we had to do.
I awoke on the wrong side of midnight. November 1st and I was craving ice cream instead of the girls' gathered candy. The freezer left by the previous homeowners came with unopened ice cream. Freezer burned or not, I wanted some.
After retrieving a spoon from the kitchen, I intended to destroy a brick of neopolitan. He waited in his flannel pajamas, barefoot on the concrete floor. His arms were crossed.
"Cravings?" he said.
I dropped the spoon. It clattered down the basement steps. Before I could run away, he disappeared like someone had erased him from head to foot in one clean sweep.
Had to be a dream. That's what I told myself. The spoon stayed in the basement until daylight. Ghost or nightmare, there was laundry to do the next day.
I crossed the concrete floor fast and only felt safer when I'd closed the door to the more modern laundry room. Never thought builder's grade tiles and track lights would make me feel anything but sad.
His voice caught me sorting.
"Kirsty!"
I dropped the cup of detergent all over the floor.
"Shit."
I came out of the laundry room, figuring George had been looking for me in uncharacteristically rude fashion. He hated speaking between rooms. Shouting throughout the house was highly impolite. It must have been important, I figured.
As soon as I stepped onto the bare concrete, however, deep sadness, the kind that seems to physically leech the strength from your body, dominated the room.
"Hello?" I don't know why I said that. The basement is a low ceilinged rectangle. There are no hiding spots except for the laundry room I'd come from. After a deep breath, I walked briskly to the stairs.
"Any day now," a raspy voice breathed into my ear. I jolted and slipped forward, falling and clipping my chin off a step. It made my teeth click painfully. Nobody there, of course. I ran upstairs and George had gone outside with the girls to play hide and seek.
I wanted to tell him. He looked so happy. It's hard to convey in words the kind of smile he showed me through the window. Imagine contentment mixed with unreserved joy and hope. Yes, it's difficult to picture. So few of us can ever have such a moment. Sort of like finding a natural view completely untouched by humanity. Beyond rare and precious.
I’m rambling now to avoid writing about what followed. The point is I couldn’t tell him. I hoped it’d go away and stop.
But, of course, it didn’t, and things got much worse.
I awoke in a great deal of pain. Having already given birth to children, the feeling was familiar. Despite getting up and gasping, George continued to snore in our bed. He’s a deep sleeper, but a quick and early riser. I’ve never heard him complain about getting out of bed either, especially when there’s an emergency.
I might have woken him up but I was disoriented and confused. Part of me believed I was still pregnant with Ella. It wasn’t until I’d gone all the way to the kitchen to avoid waking up the girls, that my brain caught up: Girls. Plural. Ella was asleep in her bed upstairs.
“Ohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiit.” I knew the signs of labour. This couldn’t be happening. “Ohhhhhhhhh.”
I was definitely going to wake everyone up if this continued.
My phone was upstairs by my bedside table. We don’t have a landline. I should have called 911. I should have woken up George.
Instead, I went downstairs where I could vocalize pain without disturbing anyone. Such a pathetically passive response. But that’s how I was raised. Keep it down, don't you frown.
His hands seized mine as soon as I descended the last step. Serious and bald without dignity is how to best describe his physical appearance. Cold and cruel is what he is. The lights turned off and, in the perfect darkness of the basement, he was all that I could see.
He produces a red light from his body somehow but his touch is literally frosty.
"Kristy, it's time," he said. No joy there. Just straight facts. Something was coming. I was going to give birth to it. In the dull red glow of his being, the first boy came.
"His name is Hadad," the man said, placing a large, infant boy with a lot of hair and, I swear, a hint of beard, on the bare concrete. Hadad looked like a three month old they use as newborns on TV. He didn't cry. He hardly seemed to breathe as his dark eyes roamed the darkness. His light resembled the man's, a less intense red.
I felt another contraction, and winced.
"She comes next," the man said.
I felt so weak. "Who are you?" I asked him.
At last, he smiled and I wished he hadn't. It made me feel small, insignificant, and beneath his concern. "You know who I am," he said. "I'm your husband."
Pain wracked my entire body. Something didn't feel right. The birth of Cara and Ella had been without difficulty.
"Push," my "husband" ordered. "She is upset with you, and will kill you if you don't get her out now."
"It has to be a nightmare," I told him. Sweat poured in streams down my face. The unborn "she" in question writhed and damaged my insides. I screamed. I couldn't help it.
"Push!"
I obeyed and the second boy spilled onto the bare concrete, coated in blood and dust.
"It's a boy," I said.
The man looked displeased. "The body is male. She is Hebat. No wonder she is angry." Like the other infant, Hebat appeared aware of her surroundings and had far too much motor control for a newborn. The light pouring from her body was dull silver. Her eye sockets were two pits of concentrated despair. I had to look away.
The babies were pressed into my arms.
The man stretched out beside me. "Open your eyes and smile." I resisted. "Do it. Now." What choice did I have? The flash from his cell blinded me. They were all gone by the time my sight recovered. Only the sweat remained as evidence of the ordeal.
It had to have been a hallucination. Some very bad food poisoning maybe. The source could be as simple as an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. I had been stress eating since we'd moved in. I stood up and took some comfort in a Charles Dickens' reference.
"More of gravy than of grave about you," I said. My words seemed consumed by the dreadful weight of the air. "Whatever you are."
Whatever you are: something bad in any case. At best, I'd hallucinated prolonged and traumatic labour and needed medical attention. Yet, when I limped up the basement stairs, all thoughts of waking George vanished. There on the kitchen island sat a propped frame containing the photograph taken only moments ago.
The man looked happy. Only Hadad appeared in this picture, which meant another one was somewhere. I didn't panic. I worried more about what George would think if he saw the photos. I had to find them all.
Hebat and his father and I were mounted in a dark wood frame by the master bedroom. It'd be the first thing anyone saw if they woke up. I plucked it off the wall and, together with the first photo, tucked it under some blankets in the dresser we'd shoved in the small walk-in closet.
You might not believe this, but I went straight to sleep after. I climbed under the blanket in my sweaty pajamas, shut my eyes, and didn't have enough time to deny what had happened. I was unconscious until morning.
George placed a coffee on my nightstand. That's what I remember. He rubbed my feet while I slowly awoke. The girls were watching TV downstairs, munching on apple slices. There was forty minutes still before we had to seriously consider getting ready to take Cara to school.
George would drop her off on his way to work downtown. He chose his hours and always chose convenience for his wife and kids. Ella and I planned to spend the morning gardening. Then we would nap much of the afternoon away until George and Cara returned. A life so perfect is so very rare.
I didn't want to spoil things with a very convincing nightmare. Besides, I felt fine. Not so good that I wanted to look in the dresser to see if those photos really were there, but not ill. So I remained silent again.
November started fine. Idyllic days and nights filled with laughter and joy and television. Just as I started to believe in the dream we'd made, they came again.
The wail of a child's hunger is a powerful call for a parent. When it's a chorus, even of two, it cannot be ignored. Only I awoke to Hadad and Hebat's cries for their "mother" from the basement.
Half asleep, I drifted into the kitchen and searched for their milk bottles. When no bottles could be found, I remembered they were newborns. Milk swelled in my breasts and made my nipples ache. Just like when Cara or Ella would awaken in the night. It was a relief to feed them.
But what the fuck was I doing?
I was acting like the man in the basement and the devil babies were mine. It'd been less than a week since Halloween and that horrible nightmare illusion. I had already taken on the beleaguered newborn mother role without question.
Their cries intensified and flayed the weak resistance of exhausted reasoning.
Don't wake George. Don't wake my babies, my real babies.
"What took you so long?" the man critized, his voice monotone, the question unrhetorical.
"I… was sleeping. I went to the fridge first." Under his severe gaze, I stopped in the midst of the dark room. Hadad had quieted. Hebat cooed as if laughing at her own joke. I couldn't see them because the lights were off. They liked the dark better. Somehow I knew that about them and him.
"You should sleep down here," he said. "A mother should always be close to her babies."
The statement was nonsense but not altogether wrong. I wanted to be close to my babies, the daughters sleeping in bliss upstairs, away from the evil fermentation in the basement.
"Kirsty," he said. "Are you listening?" His hand touched the small of my back. The gentleness surprised me. I squawked and flinched away. "What’s wrong with you? They're hungry." He pressed on my shoulders until I sat on the cold floor.
They came from the shadows, already walking. I wanted to go, but I knew he wouldn't allow it. He pulled my cat t-shirt off over my head and their fierce mouths suckled, relieving the pressure of excess breast milk quickly. It felt physically good and psychologically alien.
I looked down at them once and immediately regretted it. Their emanated light had intensified to a point where perception of them hurt.
Each time I blinked my eyes were drawn to some isolated part of their bodies. The vision got closer to the point of disgust. Everything is gross if you're close enough. There is no beauty under a microscope. If you think there is then you're not using the right magnification.
Hebat's eye drew me in. At first, I saw the dark sphere, and then the strands of her eyelashes. Her gravity kept pulling until the creatures that live in eyelashes were revealed: Demodex folliculorum. I looked the microscopic horrors up.
The babies had more parasites than any child should. They wanted to show me and could somehow do so.
I asked him about it. "Why are they showing me these worms?"
He smiled, contemptuously as usual. "Trying to impress mother. Neither of them understand your horror and insignificance. You are the ant who knows they're an ant. Lucky you. They think you will be proud of the life their corporeal forms produce and host. Give them a few hours. It will pass."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm not sure what you mean. We're married. Now, prepare to smile." His cell reappeared and I noted the lack of features; it might have been a singed rectangle of spent firewood. He frowned when I failed to smile. "Smile, Kirsty. These are your children."
I managed to stave off the tears and hold the babies close. The smile was more difficult. In the inevitable aftermath of their sudden disappearance, the frames depicted an exhausted, wrinkly woman smiling painfully. It took a second to recognize myself.
The things in the basement sapped my strength. I looked dehydrated, beleaguered. The scale in the bathroom said I'd dropped six pounds. I'd weighed myself the morning before.
"Whoa, you've lost weight," George noted, thinking I'd be pleased. "This place has been so good for us, eh?'
To produce another smile proved as draining as the previous night. "Y-yes," I stuttered too late for him to ignore.
"Hey," he said, touching my forearm.
I flinched.
"Whoa, you okay? What's wrong?"
I should have told him. "Nothing. Bad sleep. A nightmare. I'll be fine."
A lie is an agreement. George wanted to agree, I think. He wanted life to be fine because he was happy for once. We struggled so hard before we came to Bridal Veil Lake. It was supposed to be our dream.
Guilty if I told him the truth. Guilty because I didn't. I began to resent his happiness, though he had done nothing but be the wonderful man he'd always been.
To Cara and Ella I became a body in motion, No brain left to guide them away from harm or answer their questions about nature and the universe.
"I don't know." That's what I told them often.
So they began to treat me like a kind of butler.
"Can I have some juice, please?"
"Sure, sweetheart."
"Mommy, can I have a snack?"
"Of course." And I'd run off to fetch it.
"Cookies."
"Yes, dear."
When Christmas came, I had two and they induced the same level of joy. Visiting the basement to feed and nurture Hebat and Hadad became a nightly occurrence. I'd learned to awaken, if I could get to sleep at all, and go quietly.
He berated me severely if I missed a night, and there were subtle threats made casually.
"I may have to squash you yet," he said, his tone as deep and cold as always.
"It won't happen again," I promised. "They’re getting big." In fact, they were no longer infants. Both had grown to the approximate age of six or seven in a few months. Still, they never spoke. Their dark eyes watched me as they ate food from the kitchen upstairs, food I'd hidden from my family.
"More meat," the man demanded.
"Of course." And I ran to the freezer and gave them frozen sausages in the package. They never complained or demanded the food be prepared a different way. No objections from my "husband" either.
Hebat tore the styrofoam and plastic wrap away and flattened the row of sausages stuck together between powerful molars. Hadad contented itself with licking them like a popsicle.
I'd stay until the photo. Then they'd release me by vanishing. Always with an exhausted breath, I'd trudge up the stairs and search for the frames and hide them in the same place.
They only smiled in the pictures. At no other time did they express any kind of emotion unless indifference counts.
My own children and husband weren't doing much better. Their concerns about my fatigue and ruminating slowly ceased as I repeated the excuse: I’m just tired. It'll pass.
Of course, I did not know when the nightmare would stop.
"When will it end?" I asked him one night, while Hebat and Hadad exercised like they had a mission.
"What do you mean?" he said.
I was surprised he answered. He usually didn't. "This. This. When can I go back to normal and not come down every night? I'm so very tired."
He frowned and I thought some punishment must be coming. Instead, he looked more confused. "I don't understand. You aren't happy? Your children grow into power and strength and will take their place in the world. They will be great and you - you, of all the tiny things, made that happen. Ask yourself what you want out of life, and see if Hebat and Haddad aren't your answer."
Too many words, all at once, for an exhausted mother. I didn't speak for the rest of the night. The infernal trio vanished, and the latter moments of the ritual I carried out with his challenge in mind.
I want my children to be strong, happy, and safe.
"Juice," Cara demanded the next morning, a Saturday, while she watched cartoons.
"Get it yourself!" I hissed, from tired to angry in a second.
"But I can't," Cara accurately pointed out. She didn't look away from the TV. Looking at me wasn't safe, and she knew it. Her and Ella held hands and sat a little straighter. It broke my heart. What had I done?
George came downstairs, attracted by my shouting. "What’s going on?"
Empathy became sadness, and the constant burden rekindled to anger swiftly. "Just children treating me like a servant."
He smiled. "Ah, yes, and how are the royal princesses this morning?"
His levity irked me. "You would know if you didn't sleep in so much."
The smile vanished from his face, and instead of the fight I seemed to want, he mumbled a quiet apology and joined the girls. They climbed onto him as he wrapped them into a cuddle.
"What are we watching?" George restarted his smile, his calm, for the girls. I hated myself. It had to end. Tonight.
After another dreary day of going through the motions, and the girls and George had fallen asleep, I went to the kitchen and chose the knife I thought sharpest.
"Kirsty," he said, his voice a whisper rising from the depths of the house.
"Coming," I whispered back.
"Mom," said another voice, a girl's, and I knew that Hebat had, at last, found herself and the wholeness of her being had been corrected.
I started to cry. I went downstairs and there she was with her brother and her father. He looked tired but some of the grimness had cracked to allow the first real contentment I've ever seen him express.
"Is that for the cake?" he asked. "We already have one."
I remembered the sharp knife. "Meat," I said. "There’s ham in the freezer."
He nodded, seeming to accept the answer.
"Mom," Hebat said, "Do you think I'm…" She gestured to herself, her face, and her body, and I understood the question, born from doubt and a desire to be validated.
I pulled her close. "You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world." We cried together. Hadad cut into a poorly made, asymmetrical cake by the light of his aura. No one cared that he did so on the floor. I brought out the ham from the fridge and we ate slices with our hands.
"It's almost done," he said. "They’re nearly grown. They are strong, and they are happy. You've done a good job, Kirsty." He watched our children fight to smear icing on each other's faces. "I'm sorry if I was mean. Or cold. I've never done this before." And he meant raising children. "It was the hardest, scariest thing anyone can try. I shouldn't have blamed you for… Hebat… It wasn't your fault."
Before I could pat his hand, he and the kids vanished. Darkness so familiar couldn't extinguish a new fear. I went upstairs and found the last frame. I held my daughter in the photo, my beautiful Hebat. He must have taken the photo without my notice.
I took it upstairs but couldn't bring myself to hide it.
I didn't see that one, George wrote into the document.
I forgot he was watching.
He typed again: Are you saying there is something in the basement?
Yes, I replied.
He stirred in the living room. I hadn't moved from the stairs, but I could tell by his stomping how angry he'd become. All of his negative, violent traits he saved for those in the world who would harm his family. George the Protector was fearsome to behold.
But he had no chance against my other husband.
"Come out! Come out you coward!" George bellowed. At first, nothing happened. The moment before calamity, even when the specific consequences aren't known, is still in slow motion. He carried on shouting. The girls rushed into the hall and didn’t hesitate to investigate.
"No!" I shouted. "Cara! Ella!"
Their feet padded down the steps. A violent commotion followed, screams and raging voices, both deep and childishly shrill.
The most unsettling quiet followed.
I chewed through the fear and the horror tearing me apart and finally moved.
No evidence of violence could be seen from the top of the stairs. The concrete looked bare and dusty and the light revealed nothing more. They were gone, all of them.
"Hebat," I whispered. "Cara? George?"
Him, I thought of, the nameless husband and felt no hint of his presence. He'd always been there. I know that now. It had nothing to do with the house. His absence was felt more than his insidious presence. Yet, I felt no relief. George and the girls were gone. I sat on the floor and cried for all my missing children.
When I finally emerged from the basement, the whole house had been filled with night. Their photos were everywhere. The others were upstairs. I gathered them on the kitchen island. How could I explain any of this to the police?
I needed help. I called my parents. It took twenty minutes before my father picked up.
"Kirsty? What's wrong?"
"Dad," I whimpered. "George is gone. Cara. Ella."
"What? What did you say?"
"They’re gone, dad. George. The girls are gone."
I heard his bed springs protest as he rolled out of bed. My mom said something I couldn't hear, and he shushed her.
"Kirsty," he said, "are you alright? Are you hurt? Are you in danger?"
Why was it so hard to understand? "Dad. George is gone."
"Kirsty, who the hell is George?"
It was my turn to be confused. "He's my- you know him. My husband…"
"Kirsty," he said very slowly, "are you on drugs? Did you take something?"
"No. Are you?"
"Excuse me?"
I hung up.
I have their photos. I have all of their photos. That's what I brought to George's parents before the sun rose. They wouldn't open the door and spoke to me through an intercom.
"George is gone," I said.
"We'll call the police."
"This is your son. These are your granddaughters."
I heard my mother-in-law say, "Who is she?"
"We don't have a son," my father-in-law said. "Go away."
I left.
Back to the house. Our dream sat empty and I live there, but none of the people in my family photos are my family.
I remember but the world never does. My parents think I'm ill and that I used AI to create the family I apparently never had.
How did I buy the house without a job or income? With deep concern for my mental health, they showed me a news story. I had won the lottery the day I turned eighteen.
His influence there, payment for services rendered.
A lie is an agreement.
What had I agreed to? I'm afraid I know the answer: I never wanted a family.
God help me. God help them.
I don't know what to do with these pictures.
2024.05.19 15:15 ImM3llow 26 [M4F] East Coast / Anywhere. I just got diagnosed as your boyfriend. Yeah no they said it's terminal we have to stay together forever until i die🤷♂️
Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#192
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)
submitted by ImM3llow to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)
2024.05.19 15:11 lephuonglinh490 I'm so uncomfortable with the cheating plotline
I don't know because I'm Asian so I don't familiar with American thingyyy or sth?
But why everyone seem okay with Haley cheating all the time? Like Andy and Haley thing and everyone just "wao" for a second then brush it off like it no big deal? If my mother find me in a room making out with a guy that is clearly engaged, she will kick me out of the house and tell me that I'm a disgrace. Ok maybe not kick me out because that is extreme, but she will make a big deal out of it for sure.
I kinda confused. Like no one find Haley action is shameful? I don't mind about her being a screw up, the Dunphy has enough money to spoil her. But cheating? She just go and have sex with Dylan when she havent done with Arvin yet?
I feel like anyone call out Haley and you guys will come and accuse people as sexist. I think that Dylan and Andy are gross and responsible too. But like, I talking about Haley cause people love her so much and already hate on these guys.
And I feel like Haley is a bit spoiled and never face any consequences for her actions. Also I think the writers make her development so bad. Like after dropping out of college, she doesn't have any career that can support her self, then cheating, sleeping around and then have babies.
submitted by lephuonglinh490 to Modern_Family [link] [comments]
But why everyone seem okay with Haley cheating all the time? Like Andy and Haley thing and everyone just "wao" for a second then brush it off like it no big deal? If my mother find me in a room making out with a guy that is clearly engaged, she will kick me out of the house and tell me that I'm a disgrace. Ok maybe not kick me out because that is extreme, but she will make a big deal out of it for sure.
I kinda confused. Like no one find Haley action is shameful? I don't mind about her being a screw up, the Dunphy has enough money to spoil her. But cheating? She just go and have sex with Dylan when she havent done with Arvin yet?
I feel like anyone call out Haley and you guys will come and accuse people as sexist. I think that Dylan and Andy are gross and responsible too. But like, I talking about Haley cause people love her so much and already hate on these guys.
And I feel like Haley is a bit spoiled and never face any consequences for her actions. Also I think the writers make her development so bad. Like after dropping out of college, she doesn't have any career that can support her self, then cheating, sleeping around and then have babies.
2024.05.19 15:07 ManuMaker Fallout 3 lacks HUD and black-colored interactions, help please
Hi guys my modded Fallout 3 is without HUD, it never activates, and when I approach to talk to someone the interaction is black, I tried setting the gamma color from the menu (and it is the standard) and even tried disabling all mods (even Immersive HUD, which should equally show the HUD when you perform certain actions) but it doesn't appear at all!
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE
submitted by ManuMaker to Fallout [link] [comments]
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE
2024.05.19 15:06 ManuMaker [FO3] Fallout 3 lacks HUD and black-colored interactions, help please
Hi guys my modded Fallout 3 is without HUD, it never activates, and when I approach to talk to someone the interaction is black, I tried setting the gamma color from the menu (and it is the standard) and even tried disabling all mods (even Immersive HUD, which should equally show the HUD when you perform certain actions) but it doesn't appear at all!
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE
submitted by ManuMaker to FalloutMods [link] [comments]
I also downloaded Pulse ENB by downloading the ReShades and putting them in the game folder (also replacing dxgi and d3d9, now I don't remember the process exactly), I'm afraid the problem might be coming from there although I wouldn't know how that's possible.
This is my list of mods:
00 - Improved Male Vanilla Body - FOMOD Installer
4K Capital Wastescape with 4K Normals
Accurate Stars 4k
AmaccurzerO's Animated Wasteland
Andy's Darker Grass v2
Animated Interior Decorations
Animated Park Equipment v4 big update
Animated Statics - Anim
Animated Utility Poles (Ashens2014) Fallout 3
Animated Wasteland Trees (recommended)
Animation Compilation (First Person)
Animation Compilation (Third Person)
Archivelnvalidation Invalidated - Program Version - Recommended
ATMOS Ambient Sound Overhaul
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Dialogues Fixes - italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Cheat Items
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Dialogues
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes italiano
CivisRomanus Unofficial Fallout 3 Fixes Optional
Clean-Deluxe - Dust Away vO-22
Clean-Deluxe - Paper-Shredder
Clean-Deluxe - Rock-Out
Clean-Deluxe GOTY Edition
Command Extender
Desolation Flora
Devastated City
Energy Visuals Plus
Enhanced Blood Textures
Enhanced Camera
EXE - Effects teXtures Enhanced - EXE FULL RES V1
Fallout 3 HD Overhaul
Fallout 3 Realistic Wasteland Lighting plus GOTY
Fallout 3 Rebirth - GOTY Version
Fallout Script Extender (FOSE)
Fallout Street Lights - Traduzione Italiana
Fallout Street Lights Version 2
Flashlight v1-5
F03 Redesigned Standard (No DLC) Edition
Games for Windows LIVE Disable
Gutsy Handy Animated Eyes
Helm Pov 2
HR Armored Vault 101 Jumpsuit_4k
Immersive HUD - iHUD
Iron Sights Plus
Kyu's Ballistics F03
Loot Menu
MGs Neat Clutter
MGs Neat Clutter - Ammo box
More Modest T4 - Main
MTUI
no more dots v01
NV Compatibility Skeleton - NVCS Installer
NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash
Out Of Memory Fix
PCldles03b
Power Armor Footstep SFX vl-2
PowerArmor Increases Height
RADiant Light Overhaul vl.2
Rustic Grass HQ 4K Version 1
Simple Sprint F03
Size Variable HD Moon Cycle Textures - F03 - NickKens Moon Cycle
Smaller Holotapes
Stewie Tweaks
Street Lights Bug Fix
The D.C. Interiors Project - DCinteriors_combo Edition Total Merge
TYPE4 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
TYPE4 F03 - Body and Armors - T4 - Main
UIO - User Interface Organizer
Updated Unofficial Fallout 3 Patch - OGG
Vandr HD Creatures
Wastelander Backpacks
Weapon Enhancement Pack
Wider Street Lights
zzjay's body and face textures workshop - Type 3 - 4 and 6 - 00 - Default Version - CORE
2024.05.19 13:44 Kkailasp Don't let alcohol and bad decisions ruin your teenage life.
Can't believe I'm posting this here pero whatevs.
So, I'm currently a JHS completer (+with high honor) ngayon. I know, napaka-young. Anyway, as the title says, don't let bad decisions ruin your life as a teenager like I did.
Last year, before moving up from 9th grade (academic achiever pa rin), I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He was physically abusive, would always rely on me to pay for almost everything (food pang-araw-araw, parcels, etc.), and has even cheated on me once.
When we broke up, I felt like my life went downhill from then. I cried halos every night. It all became worse pagdating ng summer vacay. Nadala ako sa mga friends ko na todo inom tsaka disco. We went to halos lahat ng baranggay sa municipal namin basta't may fiesta or whatnot 'yong may disco. We'd have drinks with kahit sino. And dahil doon, I hooked up with kahit sino na rin. 'Yong iba nga, di ko kilala. If I were to count, siguro mga 30+ na ata body count ko. There were a mix of consensual, nonconsensual, g@ngb@ng, drunk, and sober. Minsan nasa bahay ng lalaki, minsan nasa gedli lang.
Hanggang sa dumating na first few months ng school. Nalaman ng parents ko and they talked to me about it. They made me go to an obygyne and I tested positive for STI, which was cured after 2 weeks ata of prescribed medicine. Pinapa-psychiatrist nga ako eh, the doctor diagnosed me as bipolar, and told me that my actions were caused by my manic episodes wherein I get super hyper chuchuchu and prescribed me medicine. They filed TONS of blotter reports and cases, halos 30 (hindi one person each kundi one event where I was used for each). They hired a private attorney which costed them ₱100,000 kasi raw napakarami ng kaso ko. My dad also bought a gun (legally) nga kasi noong nalaman ng ibang assaultants ko na ipapakaso sila is 'yong iba naghire ng hitman na patayin ako (srs). We also moved out of town during Christmas break. Same province pero different municipality. Nag-online class/modular nalang ako kasi 2nd quarter pa naman 'yon and parang alanganin magtransfer.
Doon na ako pina-transfer sa 2nd sem (3rd quarter) and nagstart magface-to-face sa bagong school. Natakot ako kasi mas high class 'tong school na 'to kesa sa previous kong school. Also, no strings attached sa previous namin na tinirahan since 3 years lang kami doon tumira (pa-iba-iba kami ng residence depende sa income ni mama sa negosyo niya). Anyway, yun nga, I was afraid na baka I won't excell as much as I did previously kasi mas maraming students sa current ko na school. Pero tadaaa, nakuha ako for journalism (TV broad), RSPC pa nga 😭. Academic achiever pa rin, with high honor. Only one in my class. Pero hanggang now, ongoing pa rin 'yong ibang cases ko, 'yong iba settled na.
It may sound like I'm doing good despite sa nangyari sa'kin, but no. Dumating na rito 'yong issue ko as in kumanat na (I was also well known sa previous namin na tinirahan dahil sa negosyo ng parents ko). Kaso hindi nga lang lahat may alam. Halos from STE sections and SHS nakakaalam, 'yong classmates ko is some of them lang. Pero still, sobrang nakaka-bother. Isa pa nga sa kasama ko sa journa ay siyang nagkanat eh. Kaso nga lang, sa rumors nila is di pa raw na-treat 'yong sakit ko and "HIV" na raw 😭. Bopleks.
I'm just trying to stay unbothered dahil alam kong nothing will go well if papatol ako sa mga rumors na 'yan. I've been having sucdal thoughts nga since nalaman kong umabot na pala rito 'yong issue ko. Sobrang I don't wanna bring my parents any more trouble than I already have talaga. Sana people will learn to shut up nalang especially if they know nothing sa full story. I feel so embarrassed na ngayon pumasok ng school kasi I always feel like everyone's judging me. Lahat ng gazes nila, parang ni-stare buong existence ko.
Anyway, yun na nga, lesson learned: 'wag magpadala sa mga bad decisions just because of one minor inconvenience. ☺️
submitted by Kkailasp to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
So, I'm currently a JHS completer (+with high honor) ngayon. I know, napaka-young. Anyway, as the title says, don't let bad decisions ruin your life as a teenager like I did.
Last year, before moving up from 9th grade (academic achiever pa rin), I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He was physically abusive, would always rely on me to pay for almost everything (food pang-araw-araw, parcels, etc.), and has even cheated on me once.
When we broke up, I felt like my life went downhill from then. I cried halos every night. It all became worse pagdating ng summer vacay. Nadala ako sa mga friends ko na todo inom tsaka disco. We went to halos lahat ng baranggay sa municipal namin basta't may fiesta or whatnot 'yong may disco. We'd have drinks with kahit sino. And dahil doon, I hooked up with kahit sino na rin. 'Yong iba nga, di ko kilala. If I were to count, siguro mga 30+ na ata body count ko. There were a mix of consensual, nonconsensual, g@ngb@ng, drunk, and sober. Minsan nasa bahay ng lalaki, minsan nasa gedli lang.
Hanggang sa dumating na first few months ng school. Nalaman ng parents ko and they talked to me about it. They made me go to an obygyne and I tested positive for STI, which was cured after 2 weeks ata of prescribed medicine. Pinapa-psychiatrist nga ako eh, the doctor diagnosed me as bipolar, and told me that my actions were caused by my manic episodes wherein I get super hyper chuchuchu and prescribed me medicine. They filed TONS of blotter reports and cases, halos 30 (hindi one person each kundi one event where I was used for each). They hired a private attorney which costed them ₱100,000 kasi raw napakarami ng kaso ko. My dad also bought a gun (legally) nga kasi noong nalaman ng ibang assaultants ko na ipapakaso sila is 'yong iba naghire ng hitman na patayin ako (srs). We also moved out of town during Christmas break. Same province pero different municipality. Nag-online class/modular nalang ako kasi 2nd quarter pa naman 'yon and parang alanganin magtransfer.
Doon na ako pina-transfer sa 2nd sem (3rd quarter) and nagstart magface-to-face sa bagong school. Natakot ako kasi mas high class 'tong school na 'to kesa sa previous kong school. Also, no strings attached sa previous namin na tinirahan since 3 years lang kami doon tumira (pa-iba-iba kami ng residence depende sa income ni mama sa negosyo niya). Anyway, yun nga, I was afraid na baka I won't excell as much as I did previously kasi mas maraming students sa current ko na school. Pero tadaaa, nakuha ako for journalism (TV broad), RSPC pa nga 😭. Academic achiever pa rin, with high honor. Only one in my class. Pero hanggang now, ongoing pa rin 'yong ibang cases ko, 'yong iba settled na.
It may sound like I'm doing good despite sa nangyari sa'kin, but no. Dumating na rito 'yong issue ko as in kumanat na (I was also well known sa previous namin na tinirahan dahil sa negosyo ng parents ko). Kaso hindi nga lang lahat may alam. Halos from STE sections and SHS nakakaalam, 'yong classmates ko is some of them lang. Pero still, sobrang nakaka-bother. Isa pa nga sa kasama ko sa journa ay siyang nagkanat eh. Kaso nga lang, sa rumors nila is di pa raw na-treat 'yong sakit ko and "HIV" na raw 😭. Bopleks.
I'm just trying to stay unbothered dahil alam kong nothing will go well if papatol ako sa mga rumors na 'yan. I've been having sucdal thoughts nga since nalaman kong umabot na pala rito 'yong issue ko. Sobrang I don't wanna bring my parents any more trouble than I already have talaga. Sana people will learn to shut up nalang especially if they know nothing sa full story. I feel so embarrassed na ngayon pumasok ng school kasi I always feel like everyone's judging me. Lahat ng gazes nila, parang ni-stare buong existence ko.
Anyway, yun na nga, lesson learned: 'wag magpadala sa mga bad decisions just because of one minor inconvenience. ☺️
2024.05.19 13:04 Delicious-Meal-1410 My boyfriend shared a video of me giving him a blowjob with his friends without me knowing
My boyfriend let’s call him Jake (18) and I (18f) recently started dating and getting sexually intimate. We met at a club with some of my friends and we talked the whole night, the next day he asked me out on a date and we went to a museum and park. After that he really made an effort to show me that he is serious about us and that I mean much to him. Or so I thought… Everything was great Jake met my parents and some of my friends who all liked him and I met some of his friends. His parents are really strict and he has some issues with them so I didn’t met them yet.
I really enjoyed that the time with him until I suddenly get a message from a girl let’s call her Amy on instagram he is friends with. At first I was thinking something about cheating, but then she started taking about a video. Jake sent her a video of me giving him a blowjob on snapchat. Amy told me that she was completely shocked and wanted to let me know about this. I didn’t even knew that he filmed me in the first place!
After that she also told me that he send this video to some of his friends. I was devastated and in complete shock. I trusted this man so much, but he didn’t even thought about how this would affect me for one second. Amy and I then talked about going to the police and taking legal action. But that’s not enough for me. Jake and I even talked about this topic before and I told him how disgusting I think leaking fotos and videos of another person is which makes this even worse for me… I told him If someone ever did something like that to me I would I’ll make their lives hell. But that didn’t stop him. On top of that I also found out through Amy that he has another girlfriend in another country he recently saw when he was on vacation there in Korea. Before he went on the trip he told me that he would stay with a female friend he met in America on his year abroad (school) but that they would do nothing with each other. In the end it turned out to be his other girlfriend… Right know I just feel anger and disappointment. So my question is what should I do now? How should I handle this situation and make him pay for it?
submitted by Delicious-Meal-1410 to realtionship_advice [link] [comments]
I really enjoyed that the time with him until I suddenly get a message from a girl let’s call her Amy on instagram he is friends with. At first I was thinking something about cheating, but then she started taking about a video. Jake sent her a video of me giving him a blowjob on snapchat. Amy told me that she was completely shocked and wanted to let me know about this. I didn’t even knew that he filmed me in the first place!
After that she also told me that he send this video to some of his friends. I was devastated and in complete shock. I trusted this man so much, but he didn’t even thought about how this would affect me for one second. Amy and I then talked about going to the police and taking legal action. But that’s not enough for me. Jake and I even talked about this topic before and I told him how disgusting I think leaking fotos and videos of another person is which makes this even worse for me… I told him If someone ever did something like that to me I would I’ll make their lives hell. But that didn’t stop him. On top of that I also found out through Amy that he has another girlfriend in another country he recently saw when he was on vacation there in Korea. Before he went on the trip he told me that he would stay with a female friend he met in America on his year abroad (school) but that they would do nothing with each other. In the end it turned out to be his other girlfriend… Right know I just feel anger and disappointment. So my question is what should I do now? How should I handle this situation and make him pay for it?
2024.05.19 12:30 samyaza3 Difficulty options
Hello, I know there has been a discussion about difficulty in this game. I have beaten the game 3 times now. 2 times on tactician and one time with honor mode. I have earned all the achievements. I would be glad if some of these proposed changes made it to the game either by modes or custom game selection.
submitted by samyaza3 to BaldursGate3 [link] [comments]
- Through my playthroughs I figured out that feat alert is immensely overpowered. It basically guarantees that your party will almost every single fight, unless game cheat initiative roll. Then I googled how it works and I found out it is dexterity modifier + d4. But in DnD its d20, which is more random and I would say more challenging, not guaranteeing being first every time.
- Shield being OP. Shield are generally really op giving 2-3 AC bonuses + some effect. As far I am aware, correct me if I am wrong the shield bonuses apply even when we hold range weapons. It would be great if we balanced them so that when we don't hold them AC bonuses doesn't apply.
- That leads me to another thing changing weapons should cost bonus action every round apart from first. This would work well with shield nerf and buff melee as opposed to range. Being able to use shield and reaction attack.
- Another point I would like to be change is how OP are double crossbows. I would like to for it to have some disadvantages, like reduces movement speed or bonus action shot not applying sharpshotter. I feel like this is the only option for range users apart from strength bow.
- The next point is Enemy AI (and maybe even allied AI). Sometimes there are so stupid. For this reason some control spells like fog or spikes are really strong. Enemy will just walk over them instead of using jump.
- Continuing with AI fights. I would live for the game to have some randomness for like enemies to have some armoweapon +1/+2 choices. Or just some gear that would make them harder to fight not just bosses. It doesn't have to be a lot, just few. Also same way with spells. Randomize encounters by giving some random level appropriate spells or spell scrolls to enemies to spice up some fights.
2024.05.19 12:00 AutoModerator Weekly Reminder: Rules and FAQ - May 19, 2024 (Now with updates!)
Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
submitted by AutoModerator to stepparents [link] [comments]
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.
Community Rules
1. Kindness Matters
Advise, don't criticize.- Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
- Name-calling, slurs (including gender or race based slurs), and insults towards other community members will not be tolerated. Do not attack others for their personally held values, custody situation, marital status, physical distance from stepkids, or economic status; or on the basis of race, sex, sexual orientation, age, religion, or ethnicity.
- No name-calling toward children, including the above-mentioned insults or the term "skids", or terms such as "mini-wife" or "mini-husband."
- Comments advocating spanking or any mention of wanting to harm children are not allowed.
- This is a support sub, not a judgement sub, assholes are not tolerated. Comments with terms used in other subs to pass judgement on assholes will be removed.
2. No Drama
This is a support sub.- Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
- Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
- Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
- Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.
3. Report, Don’t Rant
No backseat modding.- If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
- No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
- If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
4. No Naming & Shaming
No userpings or links.- Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
- If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.
5. No Platitudes
Nobody knew what they were getting into.- Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
- Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
- Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.
6. No Trolling
We have zero tolerance for trolls.- This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
- Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
- Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.
7. No Personally Identifiable Information
Use discretion when posting.- We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
- Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
- Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
- Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.
8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours
Use the daily threads.- We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.
9. Follow Reddiquette
Remember the human.- Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
- Read it in full here.
- Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
- If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
- Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.
10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval
Just don't.- This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
- Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
- No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
- No advertising without prior mod approval.
- No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
- For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.
11. Disputes in Modmail Only
Don't argue with the mods on the sub.- Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
- This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
- Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.
12. Moderator Actions
We aren't kidding.- Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
- Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
- If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
- New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
- We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
- The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
- We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
- The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.
13. Ban Procedure
These actions are at moderator discretion.- Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
- Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
- You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
- Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
- Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
- We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.
FAQ - About the Rules
What does Kindness Matters mean?
- Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
- The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
- Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.
What about being kind to the kids?
- "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
- If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
- Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.
Why is this sub such an echo chamber?
- Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
- If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
- If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.
Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?
- Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
- Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
- Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.
But OP asked if they were an asshole?!
- Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
- If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.
What is a gendered slur?
- While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
- We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
- Examples that are not allowed:
- "My SD is such a little bitch."
- "She dresses/acts like a slut."
- "My SS acts like a pussy."
- "My SS is such a beta male."
- "You are all fucking whores."
- "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
- "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
- "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
- Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
- Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
- As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.
Seriously? You are the language police now?
- We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
- We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.
What does No Drama really mean?
- Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.
What is thread derailment?
- When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
- If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.
But what if they didn't answer my question?
- No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.
Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!
- Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.
Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?
- No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
- Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
- Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
- Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
- Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
- Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
- Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."
Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?
- We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.
What if it's my own post?
- Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.
What is "brigading"?
- Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
- Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
- Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
- Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
- We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.
What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?
- If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.
What if I see an obvious troll?
- Report it.
What if they are being really mean in comments?
- Report it.
What if they are harassing me in private messages?
- Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
- Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
- Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.
What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?
- Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.
I can't link to other subs?
- Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
- Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
I can't ping other users?
- Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
- If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")
What does No Platitudes mean?
- Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.
Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?
- Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
- This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.
Why can't you just love them like they are your own?
- Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.
What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...
- No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.
What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?
- That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.
What is "Concern Trolling?"
- A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
- Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
- Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."
What is a "Devil's Advocate"?
- "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.
"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?
- The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.
And "sealioning?" What's that?
- Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.
Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?
- The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.
FAQ - Sub Questions
Posting Guidelines for Stepparents
- Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
- Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
- Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
- Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
- Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
- Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
- Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
- JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
- Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
- Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
- Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
- Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
- Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
- Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
- Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
- Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)
Posting Guidelines for Bioparents
- Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
- There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
- Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
- Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
- Seeking resources for your partner
- There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
- Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
- Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
- "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
- Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
- The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
- How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
- Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.
Guidelines for Stepkids
- At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.
What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!
- Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.
Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?
- New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.
Why was my comment removed?
- Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
- Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.
This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?
- All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.
I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?
- If you receive an unwanted/hurtful PM from a name you don't recognize, please report it to Reddit Admins using our handy pre-populated form. Be sure to include the permalink to the message. We've been dealing with a few unhappy folks who like to attack stepparents, and reporting it to the admins is the only way to make it stop.
What are the general moderator guidelines?
- Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
- Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
- If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
- New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
- We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
- The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
- We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
- The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.
I've been wrongly banned/Why can't I comment here?
- Due to an influx of harassment from users with specific user histories, we have employed a user history ban bot as described above. If you think this has affected you and wish to appeal, please message the mods.
Why was I banned without warning?
- There are numerous reasons that the mod team might opt to move perm banning without warning. Message the moderators if you have specific questions.
2024.05.19 11:21 Adept_Anywhere_4640 Help a Knight out
I have a bit of a dilemma. My finals are scheduled right during the playoffs, and I can't really afford to watch the matches live. Does anyone know of any site where I can find full match replays of the playoffs? Specifically, I'm looking for all the KKR matches. If there isn't a site that offers this, would anyone be willing to record the KKR playoff matches for me? Unfortunately, I can't ask my friends either, as they also have exams at the same time. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I have high hopes for KKR this season, and I don't want to miss out on the action
submitted by Adept_Anywhere_4640 to KolkataKnightRiders [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 11:04 jonaskoelker Rewatcher's diary: Season 2, episodes 19 to 22
Previous diary entry here: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1cuyf6k/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_15_to_18/
The last sprint to the finish line: I Only Have Eyes for You (2x19), Go Fish (2x20), Becoming (2x21-2x22).
Man, I Only Have Eyes for You is such a beautiful gem of a composition. Go Fish is less bad than I remembered it (but still bottom-tier), Becoming FUCK YEAH!
I Only Have Eyes for You
It's the Sadie Hawkins dance and the gender roles are reversed—on BTVS, of all places ;-)
Xander suggests it's the brain child of a hairy-legged feminist and Cordelia is upset not only at losing her privilege of having her date pay for the date but also at having the tables turned all the way around and having to be the one who has to pay. Man I love the anti-chemistry of Xandelia.
But all is not well: Sunnydale high is haunted by the ghost of a student (James), whose romance with a teacher (Grace) was broken off by her. He responded with a murder-suicide which he is now reenacting. This is the mystery of the week.
The emotional significance is that Buffy identifies with James: she feels she betrayed and murdered Angel, unleashing Angelus. Her inability to kill Angelus in Innocence led to Jenny's death in Passion, which Buffy feels guilt about.
The punchline is Buffy and Angel(us) reenacting the ghost story, with Buffy in James' shoes, Angel surviving Buffy's murder attempt and preventing Buffy-as-James' suicide. Grace forgives James and says she never stopped loving him, the ghosts depart, Angel is back in his Angelus form who runs off.
Also, the final reveal: Spike, driven more crazy by Angelus, has been overstating his incapacitation.
I frigging love this episode.
I think Buffy's big change is her acceptance that Angel is dead, and that a demon (Angelus) has taken up shop in his body. It walks and it talks like Angel but it's no longer him. This has to be it, because the ghostly reenactment basically says that the Bangel love is forever and is still there even if Angel isn't—and yet, Buffy is more resolved and determined to kill Angelus than ever. This only makes sense if she's distinguishing between the two, i.e. if she's accepting that the man she used to love is gone.
The ghost story is beautifully tragic. The resolution, Grace's forgiveness and the departure of the ghosts, is such a heart-warming relief. And Buffy sorting out her feelings is wonderfully bittersweet.
Giles being distraught by the loss of Jenny, to the point of him not thinking straight, is heartbreaking. Metaphorically Giles is Buffy's mind, making it very fitting that Buffy's resolution is about sorting out her understanding of the Angel/Angelus distinction.
I noticed a thing: during the triangular binding spell we have Buffy at the center of the action, with Willow, Xander andGiles Cordelia supporting her, a motif replayed in Primeval (4x21).
If we understood the metaphor in Teacher's Pet (1x4) we learned that student-teacher romance means the teacher is preying on the student. Here it was... well preying is the wrong word, but here it was the student harming the teacher. I feel this might dilute the message of Teacher's Pet; this episode could've been a bit more on-brand with a line or two with the message that it's not uncommon or shameful for teens to have feelings for 20-somethings—but, if reciprocated, it's inappropriate for the older person to act on those feelings. The tie-in between James/Grace and Buffy/Angel would be perfect, the social commentary would be more to my liking, and I think the social commentary I want is on-point for BTVS. Heck, if you peel of the big S2 metaphor, I see a 16yo girl crushing on a ~26yo red flag, with disastrous consequences. The social commentary I'm calling for is the whole bloody point of S2, so why not reinforce it here? Maybe it would dilute the "awww" when Grace forgives James, like, we're meant to feel it's a sweet couple and they should get each other and that has to be an undiluted high note.
Nitpicking aside, what a gem!
Go Fish
I asked the writers for a good episode, but they said "go fish". Oh well, I guess there's plenty of fish in the sea. Let's plunge in and take a deep dive.
I remembered this as "that one really awfully disappointing episode of Buffy". This time, I found it to be merely "meh". There were a few decent comedy bits: "undercover" // "not under much" and "I'm dating a guy on the Sunnydale High swim team" // "you can die happy" #OohBurn look at the shallowSpordelia Cordelia.
There was a gender role reversal—on BTVS of all places—when Buffy walks Swimmer #2 home from The Bronze (for his protection) after he was attacked.
But on the whole... see, I kinda' enjoyed the early S2 MotW episodes, back when MotW was pretty much all that BTVS was. But now that I have tasted the Bangelus arc (again, this being a rewatch), I have lost my taste for MotWs—at least if they have no tie-in to the bigger picture. This is an episode I simply have no taste for, it doesn't excite me.
[I consider Phases (2x15) and BBB (2x16) MotW episodes with strong thematic tie-ins to the Bangelus arc: all the scoobies are dating monsters. And arguably, Passion (2x17) is about Jenny making risky dating choices, a follow-up on The Dark Age (2x8), making 2x14-2x17 a thematically cohesive run of episodes.]
Becoming
Fuck. Yeah.
Joss is such a scumbag. First he gives Buffy this great resolve and determination (perhaps after some feelings of resignation) in I Only Have Eyes for You, then he makes her waver a bit when she discovers Jenny's re-ensoulment spell. And then she gets Angel back, but it's too late since Angelus already pulled the pin on the doomsday vortex grenade, so she has to let go of him AGAIN! :(
Spike is chaotic and funny. You can always count on his loyalty, at least if you're the highest bidder, and Buffy effectively offered him hisbig ho girlfriend back. He's such a fool for love, wink-wink nudge-nudge.
I noticed a parallel between the trio of vampires and the trio of nerds: Angelus/Warren is the evil sociopathic leader of the group, Drusilla/Andrew has a crush on the leader and Spike/Jonathan betrays the group and sides with Buffy and the scoobies. [But also differences, of course: SpikeSilla are not as weak-willed as Andrew/Jonathan, for one. And the trio of vampires is charming.]
... and Xander brings Willow back by talking about their friendship and telling her he loves her!
Angelus talked about ascending—retro-echoing the mayor's plot in Graduation Day 2 (3x22).
Also: Angelus tried to pull a sword out of a stone (Acathla). We just went from gothic horror to Arthurian legend? Spike's reaction, "someone wasn't worthy", indicates that Angelus is a false king, not worthy of the throne of Sunnydale. He's not the real mayor so he won't ascend: while he eventually manages to pull the sword out of the stone, his ultimate fate is a downfall—he descends into a hell dimension.
The scoobies have a disagreement in the library about how to deal with Angel(us). I find it notable that it's Xander, Buffy's metaphorical heart, who responds to "I'll stop him" with "like you did last time, with Ms. Calendar"—Buffy is still feeling guilty about not having theheart guts to kill Angelus in Innocence. It's Xander who knows the location of Angelus' mansion, i.e. it's her heart which leads her to lost lover, and it's her heart which says "kick his ass". When he rescues Buffy's metaphorical mind, he (Giles) says "why would they make me see you", i.e. Buffy's mind doesn't want what's in her heart, they are conflicted. Buffy is driven by her feelings and passions now just as much as she was in Surprise when she unleashed Angelus. Once her metaphorical mind has been rescued it saves the day: she gives her regained love one last kiss and one last goodbye, then, letting cooler heads prevail, kicks his ass stabs him in the heart, breaking it, to save the day.
And some greatest hits: "nobody asks for their life to change, not really" ;; "what's left?" // "me" ;; "you hit me one time with an axe" ;; "have you tried not being the slayer?" ;; "you're expelled".
Becoming is peak Buffy.
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The last sprint to the finish line: I Only Have Eyes for You (2x19), Go Fish (2x20), Becoming (2x21-2x22).
Man, I Only Have Eyes for You is such a beautiful gem of a composition. Go Fish is less bad than I remembered it (but still bottom-tier), Becoming FUCK YEAH!
I Only Have Eyes for You
It's the Sadie Hawkins dance and the gender roles are reversed—on BTVS, of all places ;-)
Xander suggests it's the brain child of a hairy-legged feminist and Cordelia is upset not only at losing her privilege of having her date pay for the date but also at having the tables turned all the way around and having to be the one who has to pay. Man I love the anti-chemistry of Xandelia.
But all is not well: Sunnydale high is haunted by the ghost of a student (James), whose romance with a teacher (Grace) was broken off by her. He responded with a murder-suicide which he is now reenacting. This is the mystery of the week.
The emotional significance is that Buffy identifies with James: she feels she betrayed and murdered Angel, unleashing Angelus. Her inability to kill Angelus in Innocence led to Jenny's death in Passion, which Buffy feels guilt about.
The punchline is Buffy and Angel(us) reenacting the ghost story, with Buffy in James' shoes, Angel surviving Buffy's murder attempt and preventing Buffy-as-James' suicide. Grace forgives James and says she never stopped loving him, the ghosts depart, Angel is back in his Angelus form who runs off.
Also, the final reveal: Spike, driven more crazy by Angelus, has been overstating his incapacitation.
I frigging love this episode.
I think Buffy's big change is her acceptance that Angel is dead, and that a demon (Angelus) has taken up shop in his body. It walks and it talks like Angel but it's no longer him. This has to be it, because the ghostly reenactment basically says that the Bangel love is forever and is still there even if Angel isn't—and yet, Buffy is more resolved and determined to kill Angelus than ever. This only makes sense if she's distinguishing between the two, i.e. if she's accepting that the man she used to love is gone.
The ghost story is beautifully tragic. The resolution, Grace's forgiveness and the departure of the ghosts, is such a heart-warming relief. And Buffy sorting out her feelings is wonderfully bittersweet.
Giles being distraught by the loss of Jenny, to the point of him not thinking straight, is heartbreaking. Metaphorically Giles is Buffy's mind, making it very fitting that Buffy's resolution is about sorting out her understanding of the Angel/Angelus distinction.
I noticed a thing: during the triangular binding spell we have Buffy at the center of the action, with Willow, Xander and
If we understood the metaphor in Teacher's Pet (1x4) we learned that student-teacher romance means the teacher is preying on the student. Here it was... well preying is the wrong word, but here it was the student harming the teacher. I feel this might dilute the message of Teacher's Pet; this episode could've been a bit more on-brand with a line or two with the message that it's not uncommon or shameful for teens to have feelings for 20-somethings—but, if reciprocated, it's inappropriate for the older person to act on those feelings. The tie-in between James/Grace and Buffy/Angel would be perfect, the social commentary would be more to my liking, and I think the social commentary I want is on-point for BTVS. Heck, if you peel of the big S2 metaphor, I see a 16yo girl crushing on a ~26yo red flag, with disastrous consequences. The social commentary I'm calling for is the whole bloody point of S2, so why not reinforce it here? Maybe it would dilute the "awww" when Grace forgives James, like, we're meant to feel it's a sweet couple and they should get each other and that has to be an undiluted high note.
Nitpicking aside, what a gem!
Go Fish
I asked the writers for a good episode, but they said "go fish". Oh well, I guess there's plenty of fish in the sea. Let's plunge in and take a deep dive.
I remembered this as "that one really awfully disappointing episode of Buffy". This time, I found it to be merely "meh". There were a few decent comedy bits: "undercover" // "not under much" and "I'm dating a guy on the Sunnydale High swim team" // "you can die happy" #OohBurn look at the shallow
There was a gender role reversal—on BTVS of all places—when Buffy walks Swimmer #2 home from The Bronze (for his protection) after he was attacked.
But on the whole... see, I kinda' enjoyed the early S2 MotW episodes, back when MotW was pretty much all that BTVS was. But now that I have tasted the Bangelus arc (again, this being a rewatch), I have lost my taste for MotWs—at least if they have no tie-in to the bigger picture. This is an episode I simply have no taste for, it doesn't excite me.
[I consider Phases (2x15) and BBB (2x16) MotW episodes with strong thematic tie-ins to the Bangelus arc: all the scoobies are dating monsters. And arguably, Passion (2x17) is about Jenny making risky dating choices, a follow-up on The Dark Age (2x8), making 2x14-2x17 a thematically cohesive run of episodes.]
Becoming
Fuck. Yeah.
Joss is such a scumbag. First he gives Buffy this great resolve and determination (perhaps after some feelings of resignation) in I Only Have Eyes for You, then he makes her waver a bit when she discovers Jenny's re-ensoulment spell. And then she gets Angel back, but it's too late since Angelus already pulled the pin on the doomsday vortex grenade, so she has to let go of him AGAIN! :(
Spike is chaotic and funny. You can always count on his loyalty, at least if you're the highest bidder, and Buffy effectively offered him his
I noticed a parallel between the trio of vampires and the trio of nerds: Angelus/Warren is the evil sociopathic leader of the group, Drusilla/Andrew has a crush on the leader and Spike/Jonathan betrays the group and sides with Buffy and the scoobies. [But also differences, of course: SpikeSilla are not as weak-willed as Andrew/Jonathan, for one. And the trio of vampires is charming.]
... and Xander brings Willow back by talking about their friendship and telling her he loves her!
Angelus talked about ascending—retro-echoing the mayor's plot in Graduation Day 2 (3x22).
Also: Angelus tried to pull a sword out of a stone (Acathla). We just went from gothic horror to Arthurian legend? Spike's reaction, "someone wasn't worthy", indicates that Angelus is a false king, not worthy of the throne of Sunnydale. He's not the real mayor so he won't ascend: while he eventually manages to pull the sword out of the stone, his ultimate fate is a downfall—he descends into a hell dimension.
The scoobies have a disagreement in the library about how to deal with Angel(us). I find it notable that it's Xander, Buffy's metaphorical heart, who responds to "I'll stop him" with "like you did last time, with Ms. Calendar"—Buffy is still feeling guilty about not having the
And some greatest hits: "nobody asks for their life to change, not really" ;; "what's left?" // "me" ;; "you hit me one time with an axe" ;; "have you tried not being the slayer?" ;; "you're expelled".
Becoming is peak Buffy.
2024.05.19 11:01 BlockWinter8423 Update again on synapse x posts!
 | submitted by BlockWinter8423 to ROBLOXExploiting [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 11:00 BlockWinter8423 UPDATE!!!
 | On the synapse thingy submitted by BlockWinter8423 to robloxhackers [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 10:54 PageTurner627 My Dad and I Hunted Down the Dogman that Killed My Sister
I’ve always hated the smell of gun oil. It clings to everything it touches, soaking deep into the fibers of my clothes, the lining of my backpack, the coarse hair on the back of my hands. Yet here I am, kneeling on the cracked linoleum of our mudroom, a Remington .308 laid across my thighs, and the stench of gun oil sharp in my nostrils. The early morning light barely scratches at the edges of the blinds, dim and gray like the belly of a dead fish.
My dad Frank is in the kitchen, clattering around with the coffeepot and mumbling under his breath. Today we’re heading up to the woods of Northern Michigan, same as we did every year before Leah… before we lost her.
I can’t help but feel the old scars throbbing as I load bullets into the magazine. It’s been ten years since that hunting trip, the one that tore my family into before and after. Before, when Leah's laughter was a constant soundtrack to our lives; after, when every silence was filled with her absence.
We were just kids back then. I was ten, Leah was eight. It was supposed to be a typical hunting trip, one of those bonding experiences Dad was always talking about. But things went wrong. We got separated from Dad somehow. One minute we were following him, the next we were lost, the dense woods closing in around us.
Dad says when he found me, I was huddled under a fallen tree, my eyes wide, my body frozen. All I could mutter through chattering teeth was "Dogman."
It was only later, after the search parties had combed through every thicket and hollow, that they found her. What remained of Leah was barely recognizable, the evidence of a brutal mauling undeniable. The authorities concluded it was likely a bear attack, but Dad... he never accepted that explanation. He had seen the tracks, too large and oddly shaped for any bear.
As I load another round, the memory flashes, unbidden and unwelcome. Large, hairy clawed hands reaching out towards us, impossibly big, grotesque in their form. Yet, the rest of the creature eludes me, a shadow just beyond the edge of my recall, leaving me with nothing but fragmented terrors and Leah’s haunting, echoing screams. My mind blocked most of it out, a self-defense mechanism, I guess.
For years after that day, sleep was a battleground. I'd wake up in strange places—kitchen floor, backyard, even at the edge of the nearby creek. My therapist said it was my mind's way of trying to resolve the unresolved, to wander back through the woods searching for Leah. But all I found in those sleepless nights was a deeper sense of loss.
It took time, a lot of therapy, and patience I didn't know I had, but the sleepwalking did eventually stop. I guess I started to find some semblance of peace.
I have mostly moved on with my life. The fragmentary memories of that day are still there, lurking in the corners of my mind, but they don’t dominate my thoughts like they used to. I just finished my sophomore year at Michigan State, majoring in Environmental Science.
As for Dad, the loss of Leah broke him. He became a shell of himself. It destroyed his marriage with Mom. He blamed himself for letting us out of his sight, for not protecting Leah. His life took on a single, consuming focus: finding the creature that killed her. He read every book, every article on cryptids and unexplained phenomena. He mapped sightings, connected dots across blurry photos and shaky testimonies of the Dogman.
But as the tenth anniversary of Leah’s death approaches, Dad's obsession has grown more intense. He’s started staying up late, poring over his maps and notes, muttering to himself about patterns and cycles. He’s convinced that the dogman reappears every ten years, and this is our window of opportunity to finally hunt it down.
I’m not nearly as convinced. The whole dogman thing seems like a coping mechanism, a way for Dad to channel his guilt and grief into something tangible, something he can fight against. But I decided to tag along on this trip, partly to keep an eye on him, partly because a small part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe, we’ll find some kind of closure out there in the woods.
I finish loading the rifle and set it aside, standing up to stretch my legs. I wipe my greasy hands on an old rag, trying to get rid of the smell. The early morning light is starting to seep into the room, casting long shadows across the floor.
Dad comes out of the kitchen with two thermoses of coffee in hand. His eyes are bleary and tired.
“You ready, Ryan?” he asks, handing me a thermos, his voice rough from too many sleepless nights.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I reply, trying to sound more confident than I felt.
We load our gear into the truck, the weight of our supplies and weapons a physical reminder of the burden we carry. The drive from Lansing across the Lower Peninsula is long and quiet, the silence between us filled with unspoken memories and unresolved grief.
—
The drive north is a blur of highway lines and the dull hum of the engine. I drift off, the landscape outside blending into a haze. In my sleep, fragments of that day with Leah replay like scattered pieces of a puzzle. I see her smile, the way she tugged at my sleeve, eager to explore. The sunlight filters through the trees in sharp, jagged streaks.
Then, the memory shifts—darker, disjointed. Leah's voice echoes, a playful laugh turning into a scream that pierces the air. The crunch of leaves underfoot as something heavy moves through the underbrush. I see a shadow, large and looming, not quite fitting the shapes of any creature I know.
Then, something darker creeps into the dream, something I’ve never allowed myself to remember clearly.
Before I can see what it is I wake up with a start as the truck jerks slightly on a rough patch of road. Dad glances over. "Bad dream?" he asks. I nod, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the remnants of the dream clinging to me like the cold.
"Yeah, just... thinking about Leah," I manage to say.
As we drive, Dad attempts to bridge the silence with small talk. He asks about my finals, my plans for the summer, anything to keep the conversation going. His voice carries a forced cheerfulness, but it’s clear his heart isn’t in it. I respond when necessary, my answers brief, my gaze fixed on the passing scenery.
The landscape changes as we head further north, from flat expanses to rolling hills dotted with dense patches of forest. It's beautiful country, the kind that reminds you how vast and wild Michigan can be, but today it just feels oppressive, like it’s closing in on us.
—
We finally arrive at the cabin, nestled deep in the woods, its weathered wood blending seamlessly with the surrounding trees. The place hasn't changed much since the last time I was here—a relic from another time, filled with the echoes of our past. I can still see Leah running around the porch, her laughter ringing out into the forest.
Dad parks the truck, and we step out into the crisp air. The smell of pine and damp earth fills my nostrils. We start unloading our gear, the tension between us palpable.
“Let’s get this inside,” Dad says, his voice gruff as he hefts a duffel bag onto his shoulder.
I nod, grabbing my own bag and following him to the cabin. Inside, it’s a mix of old and new—the same rustic furniture, but with new hunting gear and maps strewn across the table. Dad’s obsession is evident in every corner of the room, a constant reminder of why we’re here.
As we unpack, we exchange strained attempts at normalcy. He talks about the latest cryptid sightings he’s read about, his eyes lighting up with a fervor that both worries and saddens me.
“Did you hear about the sighting up near Alpena?” he asks, laying out his maps on the table.
“Yeah, you mentioned it,” I reply, trying to muster some enthusiasm. “Do you really think there’s something to it?”
Dad’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see a flicker of doubt. But it’s quickly replaced by grim determination. “I have to believe it, Ryan. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
We finish unpacking, the silence between us growing heavier with each passing minute. I step outside to clear my head, the cool air a welcome relief. The sun is starting to set, casting long shadows across the clearing. I can’t shake the feeling of unease.
"You can take the upstairs room," Dad mutters. His voice is strained, trying to sound normal, but it's clear the weight of the past is heavy on him. I nod, hauling my backpack up the creaking stairs to the small bedroom that I used to share with Leah. The room feels smaller now, or maybe I've just grown too much since those innocent days.
I unpack silently, setting my things aside. The bed is stiff and cold under my touch. As I settle in, I can't help but glance at the corner where Leah and I would huddle together, whispering secrets and making plans for adventures that would never happen. I push the thoughts away, focusing on the practicalities of unpacking.
After settling in, I go back downstairs to find Dad loading up a backpack with supplies for our hunt. The intensity in his eyes is palpable, his hands moving with practiced precision. I know this routine; it's one he's perfected over countless solo trips since that fateful day.
"We'll head out early," he says, not looking up from his task. "Gotta make the most of the daylight."
I nod, though unease curls in my stomach. I'm not just worried about what we might find—or not find—out there. I'm worried about him. Each year, the obsession seems to carve him out a bit more, leaving less of the Dad I knew.
—
The morning air is sharp with the scent of pine and wet earth as Dad and I head into the deeper parts of the forest. The terrain is rugged, familiar in its untamed beauty, but there’s a tension between us that makes the landscape feel alien. Dad moves with a purposeful stride, his eyes scanning the woods around us. Every snap of a twig, every rustle in the underbrush seems to draw his attention. He’s on edge, and it puts me on edge too.
As we walk, my mind drifts back to that day ten years ago. I can almost hear Leah’s voice echoing through the trees, her high-pitched call as she darted ahead, "Catch me, Ryan!" I remember how the sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dancing shadows on the ground. Those memories are so vivid, so tangible, it feels like I could just turn a corner and see her there, waiting for us.
Dad suddenly stops and kneels, examining the ground. He points out a set of tracks that are too large for a deer, with an unusual gait pattern. "It’s been here, Ry. I’m telling you, it’s close," he whispers, a mixture of excitement and something darker in his voice. I nod, though I’m not sure what to believe. Part of me wants to dismiss it all as grief-fueled obsession, but another part, the part that heard Leah's scream and saw something monstrous in the woods that day, isn’t so sure.
As we continue, Dad's comments become increasingly cryptic. "You know, they say the dogman moves in cycles, drawn to certain places, certain times. Like it’s tied to the land itself," he muses, more to himself than to me. His fixation on the creature has always been intense, but now it borders on mania.
We set up a makeshift blind near a clearing where Dad insists the creature will pass. Hours drag by with little to see but the occasional bird or distant deer.
The sun rises higher in the sky, casting long, slender shadows through the dense canopy. I shift uncomfortably in my spot, the forest floor hard and unyielding beneath me. My eyes dart between the trees, hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything, to break the monotony. Dad, on the other hand, remains steadfast, his gaze fixed on the treeline as if he can will the dogman into existence by sheer force of will.
A bird chirps nearby, startling me. I sigh and adjust my grip on the rifle. I glance over at Dad.
“Anything?” I ask, more out of boredom than genuine curiosity.
“Not yet,” he replies, his voice tight. “But it’s out there. I know it.”
I nod, even though I’m not sure I believe him. The forest seems too quiet, too still. Maybe we’re chasing ghosts.
As the sun begins its descent, the forest is bathed in a warm, golden light. The air cools, and a breeze rustles the leaves. I shiver, more from anticipation than the cold. The long hours of sitting and waiting are starting to wear on me.
“Let’s call it a day for now,” Dad says finally, his voice heavy with disappointment. “We’ll head back to the cabin, get some rest, and try again tomorrow.”
I stand and stretch, feeling the stiffness in my muscles. We pack up our gear in silence and start the trek back to the cabin. The walk is long and quiet, the only sounds are the crunch of leaves underfoot and the distant calls of birds settling in for the night.
—
Dinner is a quiet affair, both of us lost in our thoughts. I try to make small talk, asking Dad about his plans for tomorrow, but it feels forced. We clean up in silence.
After dinner, I retreat to the small bedroom. The fatigue from the day's hike has settled into my bones, but sleep still feels like a distant hope. I lie down, staring at the ceiling, the room cloaked in darkness save for the sliver of moonlight creeping through the window. Downstairs, I hear the faint sound of Dad moving around, likely unable to sleep himself.
I drift into sleep, but it's not restful. My dreams pull me back to that fateful day in the woods. Leah's voice is clear and vibrant, her laughter echoing through the trees. She looks just as she did then—bright-eyed and full of life, her blonde hair catching the sunlight as she runs ahead of me.
"Come on, Ry! You can't catch me!" she taunts, her voice playful and teasing.
I chase after her, but the scene shifts abruptly. The sky darkens, the woods around us growing dense and foreboding. Leah's laughter fades, replaced by a chilling silence. I see her ahead, standing still, her back to me.
"Leah?" I call out, my voice trembling. She turns slowly, her eyes wide and filled with fear. "Ryan, you have to remember," she says, her voice barely a whisper. "It wasn't what you think. You need to know the truth."
Leah’s words hang in the air, cryptic and unsettling. Before I can respond, she turns and starts running again, her figure becoming a blur among the trees. Panic rises in my chest as I sprint after her, my feet pounding against the forest floor.
“Leah, wait!” I shout, desperation lacing my voice. The forest around me seems to close in, the trees towering and twisted, shadows dancing menacingly in the dim light. I push forward, trying to keep her in sight, but she’s too fast, slipping away like a wisp of smoke.
Suddenly, there’s a rustle, a flash of movement in the corner of my vision. Leah screams, a sound that pierces through the heavy silence. It happens too quickly—I can’t see what it is, only a dark blur that snatches her up.
“Leah!” I scream, my voice breaking. I stumble, falling to my knees as the forest spins around me. My heart races, and the terror is so real, so visceral, that it pulls me back to that awful day, the one that changed everything.
I jolt awake, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I sit up, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead as I try to steady my breathing. The room is still dark, the shadows cast by the moonlight seem to flicker and dance on the walls. My heart is still racing from the nightmare, the echo of Leah's scream lingering in my ears.
As I struggle to calm down, the floorboards outside my room creak. The door opens slowly, and I see the silhouette of my dad in the doorway, a Bowie knife in his hand, his posture tense.
“Dad, what the hell are you doing?” I whisper, my voice shaking.
“Shh,” he hisses, holding up a hand to silence me. “I heard something. Something moving around in the cabin. Stay quiet.”
I swallow hard, my mouth dry. I glance at the clock on the nightstand—it’s just past three in the morning. The cabin is silent, the kind of deep, oppressive silence that makes every small sound seem louder. I can’t hear anything out of the ordinary, but Dad’s expression is deadly serious.
He motions for me to get up, and I do, moving as quietly as I can. My heart is racing, a mix of lingering fear from the dream and the sudden, sharp anxiety of the present moment. Dad leads the way, stepping cautiously out of the bedroom and into the hallway, the knife held ready in front of him.
We move through the cabin, checking each room in turn. The living room is empty, the furniture casting long shadows in the dim moonlight. The kitchen is just as we left it, the plates from dinner still drying on the counter. Everything seems normal, untouched.
We finish our sweep of the cabin without finding anything amiss. The silence is heavy, punctuated only by our soft footfalls. I can see the tension in Dad’s frame, his grip on the knife unwavering. After checking the last room, we pause in the dimly lit hallway, the air thick with unspoken questions.
“There’s nothing here,” I say, my voice low. “Are you sure you heard something?”
He looks at me, his eyes searching for something in my face. “I heard growling. Deep and close. It was right outside the window.”
“Maybe it was just an animal outside, a raccoon or something?” I suggest, although the certainty in his voice makes me doubt my own reassurance.
“No, it wasn’t like that. It was different,” he insists, his voice tense.
I nod, not wanting to argue, but the seeds of worry are planted deep.
The look in his eyes sends a chill down my spine. It’s not just fear—it’s desperation. The kind of desperation that comes from years of chasing shadows and finding nothing. I can see the toll this hunt has taken on him, the way it’s worn him down, turned him into a man I barely recognize.
We head back to our rooms. As I lie down, my mind races with thoughts of my dad. I can’t help but wonder if he’s losing it, if the years of grief and guilt have finally pushed him over the edge.
Dad wasn’t always like this. Before Leah’s death, he was the kind of father who took us fishing, helped with homework, and told terrible jokes that made us groan and laugh at the same time. He was solid, dependable. But losing Leah changed him. The guilt twisted him into someone I barely recognize, someone driven by a need for answers, for closure, that may never come.
I try to sleep, but my thoughts keep me awake. I can hear Dad moving around downstairs, probably pacing or double-checking the locks. His paranoia has become a constant presence, and I don’t know how to help him. I don’t even know if I can help him.
—
The next morning, the sunlight filters weakly through the cabin windows, casting a pale light that does little to lift the heavy mood. I drag myself out of bed, feeling the exhaustion of another restless night. Dad is already up, hunched over his maps at the kitchen table, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep.
“Morning,” I mumble, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Did you sleep at all?”
He shakes his head, not looking up from his notes. “Not much. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I heard last night.”
I sip my coffee, trying to shake off the remnants of my nightmare. “Maybe it was just an animal, Dad. We’re deep in the woods, after all.”
He finally looks up, his eyes intense. “Ryan, I know what I heard. It wasn’t just an animal. It was something else.”
I sigh, not wanting to argue. “Okay, fine, Dad. What’s the plan for today?”
“We’re going back out. I found some tracks yesterday, and I want to follow them. See where they lead.”
I nod, feeling a mix of apprehension and resignation. I can see how much this means to him, how desperate he is for any kind of lead. “Alright. Let’s get packed and head out.”
We spend the morning preparing, loading up our gear and double-checking our supplies. Dad is meticulous, going over everything with a fine-toothed comb. I try to match his focus, but my mind keeps drifting back to Leah and the dream I had. Her words echo in my head, cryptic and unsettling: “You need to know the truth.”
We set off into the woods, the air crisp and cool. The forest is alive with the sounds of birds and rustling leaves, but it all feels distant, like background noise to the tension between us. Dad leads the way, his eyes scanning the ground for any sign of the tracks he found yesterday.
As we walk, I can’t help but notice how erratically he’s acting. He mutters to himself, his eyes darting around as if expecting something to jump out at us. His grip on his rifle is tight, his knuckles white.
“Dad, are you okay?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
He glances at me, his expression unreadable. “I’m fine. Just focused.”
He stops frequently to examine the ground or the bark of trees, pointing out marks and signs that seem meaningless to me.
“Look at this,” he says, crouching down to examine a broken branch. “See how it’s snapped? That’s not a deer or a bear. That’s something bigger. Stronger.”
I crouch next to Dad, squinting at the broken branch. To me, it just looks like a regular broken branch, the kind you see all over the forest. "I don't know, Dad. It just looks like a branch to me," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.
Dad's eyes flicker with frustration. "You're not looking close enough. It's the way it's snapped—too clean, too deliberate. Something did this."
I nod, not wanting to argue. "Okay, sure. But even if you're right, it could be anything. A storm, another hunter..."
His expression hardens. "I know what I'm looking for. This is different."
I sigh, feeling the weight of the past and the tension between us pressing down on me. "Dad, I had a dream last night. About Leah." The words hang in the air between us, heavy and fraught with unspoken emotions.
Dad's eyes widen, and he straightens up, his entire demeanor shifting. "What kind of dream? What did you see?" His voice is urgent, almost desperate.
"It was... strange. We were in the woods, like we are now, but everything felt different. Leah was there, running ahead of me, laughing. Then she stopped and told me I needed to know the truth, that it wasn't what I thought."
Dad grabs my shoulders, his grip tight. "What else did she say? Did she tell you anything specific? Anything about the creature?"
I shake my head, feeling a chill run down my spine. "No, that was it. She just said I needed to know the truth, and then she was gone."
Dad’s grip on my shoulders tightens, and his eyes bore into mine with a mixture of desperation and hope. “Ryan, you have to try to remember. Think hard. What did the creature look like? Did you see anything else?”
I pull back slightly, uneasy with his intensity. “Dad, I told you. I don’t remember. It was just a dream. A nightmare, really. My mind’s probably just mixing things up.”
He lets go of me and runs a hand through his hair, looking frustrated and lost. “Dreams can be important. They can hold memories we’ve buried deep. Please, try to remember. This could be a sign, a clue.”
I rub my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “I’ve tried, okay? I’ve tried for years to piece together what happened that day. But it’s all just fragments, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t fit. The dream… it felt real, but I don’t think it’s telling me anything new.”
Dad’s face falls, and he looks older than I’ve ever seen him. He turns away, staring into the forest as if it holds all the answers.
—
As we make our way back to the cabin, the sun begins to set, casting long shadows through the trees. The air grows colder, and I shiver, pulling my jacket tighter around me. Dad is silent, lost in his thoughts, his face drawn and haggard.
Back at the cabin, we unload our gear once again in silence. Dad disappears into his room, muttering something about going over his notes. I decide to explore the cabin, hoping to find something that might help me understand what’s going on with him.
In the attic, I find a box of old family photos and documents. As I sift through the contents, I come across a worn journal with Dad’s handwriting on the cover. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I open it, flipping through the pages.
The journal is filled with notes and sketches, detailing his obsession with the dogman. But there’s something else—entries that talk about Leah, about that day in the woods. His handwriting becomes more erratic, the words harder to read. One entry stands out, dated just a few days after Leah’s death:
“June 15, 2013 – It was supposed to be a normal trip. Keep them close, Frank, I kept telling myself. But I failed. Leah is gone, and it’s my fault. I heard her scream, saw the shadows. I tried to get to her, but… the thing, it was there. Too fast. Too strong. My hands… blood everywhere. No one will believe me. I can’t even believe myself. I have to find it. I have to protect Ryan. I have to make it right. God, what have I done?”
Before I can read further, the attic door creaks open, and Dad’s voice slices through the stillness.
“What are you doing up here?” His tone is sharp, almost panicked.
I turn to see him standing in the doorway, his face pale and his eyes wide with something between anger and fear. I clutch the journal to my chest, my mind racing. “I found this… I was just trying to understand…”
In an instant, he crosses the room and snatches the journal from my hands. His grip is tight, his knuckles white. “You had no right,” he growls, his voice trembling.
“Dad, I just wanted to know the truth!” I shout, frustration boiling over. “What really happened to Leah.”
His eyes flash with a mix of rage and anguish, and before I can react, he slaps me across the face. The force of it knocks me off balance, and I stumble backward, my cheek stinging.
For a moment, there’s a stunned silence. We both stand there, breathing hard, the air thick with tension.
“I’m sorry,” Dad says finally, his voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t mean to… I just…” He trails off, clutching the journal to his chest like a lifeline.
I touch my cheek, feeling the heat from the slap, and take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Dad, what aren’t you telling me? What really happened that day?”
“Stay out of it, Ryan,” Dad growls, his eyes dark with anger. “You don’t know what you’re messing with.”
He turns and storms out of the attic. I’m left standing there, my cheek throbbing, my mind racing. What the fuck is going on? What really happened to Leah? And what is Dad so afraid of?
—
That night, I sleep with my rifle within arm's reach, more afraid of my dad than any dogman. The slap still burns on my cheek, and the look in his eyes—rage, fear, something darker—haunts me. I lie awake, listening to the creaks and groans of the old cabin, every sound amplified in the stillness. Eventually, exhaustion pulls me under, and I fall into a restless sleep.
The dream returns, vivid and unsettling. I'm back in the woods, chasing after Leah. Her laughter echoes through the trees, a haunting reminder of happier times. This time, though, I push myself harder, refusing to let her slip away.
"Ryan, catch me!" she calls, her voice playful.
"I'm coming, Leah!" I shout, my legs pumping, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
The forest around us is a twisted, shadowy maze, the trees seeming to close in on us. Leah's figure becomes clearer, her blonde hair catching the dim light filtering through the canopy. She stops suddenly, turning to face me, her eyes wide with fear.
"Leah, what is it?" I ask, my voice trembling.
"Look behind you," she whispers, her voice barely audible.
I turn slowly, dread creeping up my spine. In the shadows, I see a figure, its form indistinct and shifting. It’s not quite animal, not quite human—something in between. The sight of it sends a jolt of terror through me, and I wake up with a start, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I’m not in my bed. The ground beneath me is cold and hard, the smell of damp earth filling my nostrils. Panic rises as I realize I’ve sleepwalked into the woods. I scramble to my feet, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. The moon casts a pale glow over the surroundings, revealing what looks like a long-abandoned animal lair.
The walls are covered in giant claw marks, deep gouges in the wood and earth. The air is heavy with the scent of decay, and a chill runs through me. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.
Carefully, I start to move, my eyes scanning the ground, desperate for a familiar landmark. That's when I see them—faded scraps of fabric caught on the jagged edges of the underbrush. My steps falter, a sense of dread washing over me as I bend down to examine them. The fabric is torn, weathered by time and the elements, but unmistakably familiar. It's part of Leah's jacket—the bright pink one she wore on the day she disappeared.
As I strain to make sense of it all, a rustling sound behind me snaps my focus. My heart leaps into my throat. I spin around, my hand instinctively reaching for the rifle I don't have—because, of course, I didn't bring it in my unconscious state.
The shadowy figure that emerges from the trees is unsettlingly familiar, mirroring the menacing forms of my nightmares. But as it steps into the moonlight, I recognize the worn jacket, the weary posture. It's Dad.
"Ryan!" he calls out, his voice a mix of relief and stern concern. "I've been looking everywhere for you. What the hell are you doing out here?"
I exhale slowly, the terror ebbing away as reality sets back in. "I—I don't know, Dad. I must've sleepwalked again." My voice is shaky, my earlier dream still clinging to the edges of my consciousness.
Dad stares at me in disbelief. "You haven't sleepwalked since you were a kid, Ry. This... this isn't just a coincidence." His eyes dart around, taking in the surroundings—the eerie, claw-marked den, the unsettling quiet of the woods. "How did you even find this place?"
I shake my head, struggling to find an answer. "I don't know, Dad. I just... I woke up here." The uncertainty in my voice does nothing to ease the tension.
His eyes lock onto the tattered remains of Leah's jacket in my hands, and something inside him snaps. The color drains from his face as he stumbles a few steps backward. "This... this is where it happened," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper. “This is where we found Leah."
“I thought you said you don’t remember anything from that night,” he says accusingly.
"I swear, Dad, I don't know anything about this place," I insist, my own heart pounding.
“It was you, wasn’t it? You’ve been hiding this from me.” His voice is frantic. “You... last night, the growling, it was you.” His voice rises, tinged with hysteria.
I step back, my pulse racing, feeling the chill of the night and the weight of his accusation. "Dad, I don't know what you're talking ab—”
"No!" he interrupts, his voice breaking as he points a trembling finger at me. "You knew, you always knew. It was you, Ryan. All these years, the evidence was right there, but I refused to see it. You were the dogman. You killed Leah!"
His words hit me like a physical blow, absurd and horrifying in their implications. "Dad, you're not making any sense. You're talking crazy! I was just a little kid! How could I–" I protest, my voice shaky.
He steps closer, his presence looming over me, the outline of his figure distorted by the shadows of the trees. "Think about it! It all makes sense now. You led us here, to this place, because you remember. Because you did it."
"Dad, stop it!" I shout, my heart pounding in my chest. "You're scaring me. You need help, professional help. This isn't you."
But he's beyond reason, his eyes wild with a haunted grief. "I have to end this," he mutters, more to himself than to me, his hand tightening around his rifle.
His finger hovers dangerously over the trigger of his rifle. My instincts kick in, and I know I have to act fast.
I lunge toward him, trying to knock the weapon away, but he's quicker than I expected. We struggle, our breaths heavy in the cold night air, the sounds of our scuffle the only noise in the otherwise silent woods. His strength surprises me, fueled by his frantic emotions. He shoves me back, and I stumble over a root, my balance lost for a crucial second. That's all he needs. He raises his rifle, his intentions clear in his wild, pained eyes.
I dive to the ground just as the shot rings out, a deafening blast that echoes ominously through the trees. The bullet whizzes past, narrowly missing me, embedding itself in the bark of an old pine. I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding in my ears, and I start running. The underbrush claws at my clothes and skin, but I push through, driven by a primal urge to survive.
"Dad, stop! It's me, Ryan!" I shout back as I dodge between the trees. Another shot breaks the silence, closer this time, sending splinters of wood flying from a nearby tree trunk. It's surreal, being hunted by my own father, a man tormented by grief and lost in his delusions.
I don't stop to look back. I can hear him crashing through the forest behind me, his heavy breaths and muttered curses carried on the wind. The terrain is rough, and I'm fueled by adrenaline, but exhaustion is setting in. I need a plan.
Ahead, I see a rocky outcrop and make a split-second decision to head for it. It offers a chance to hide, to catch my breath and maybe reason with him if he catches up. As I reach the rocks, I slip behind the largest one, my body pressed tight against the cold, damp surface. I hear his footsteps approaching, slow and cautious now.
As I press against the rock, trying to calm my racing heart, I can hear Dad's footsteps drawing closer, each step crunching ominously on the forest floor. He's methodical, deliberate, like a hunter stalking his prey.
“Come out, Ryan!” Dad’s voice is ragged, filled with a blend of fury and pain.
My heart pounds against my chest, the cold sweat on my back making me shiver against the rough surface of the rock. I know I can't just sit here; it's only a matter of time before he finds me.
Taking a deep breath, I peek around the edge of the rock, trying to gauge his position. I see him, rifle raised, scanning the area slowly. This might be my only chance to end this madness without further violence. I need to disarm him, to talk some sense into him if I can.
As quietly as I can, I move out from behind the rock, my steps careful to avoid any twigs or leaves that might betray my position. I'm almost upon him when a branch snaps under my foot—a sound so trivial yet so alarmingly loud in the quiet of the woods.
Dad whirls around, looking completely unhinged. "Ryan!" he exclaims, his rifle swinging in my direction. Panic overtakes me, and I lunge forward, my hands reaching for the gun.
We struggle, the rifle between us, our breaths heavy and erratic. "Dad, please, stop!" I plead, trying to wrestle the gun away. But he's strong, stronger than I expected.
In the chaos, the rifle goes off. The sound is deafening, a sharp echo that seems to reverberate off every tree around us. Pain explodes in my abdomen, sharp and burning, like nothing I've ever felt before. I stagger back, my hands instinctively going to the wound. The warmth of my own blood coats my fingers, stark and terrifying.
Dad drops the rifle, his eyes wide with horror. "Oh my God! What have I done?" he gasps, rushing to my side as I collapse onto the forest floor.
As the pain sears through me, a strange, overpowering energy surges within. It's wild, primal, unlike anything I've ever experienced. Looking down in horror, my hands are no longer hands but large, hairy, clawed appendages. The transformation is rapid, consuming—my vision blurs, senses heighten, and a raw, guttural growl builds in my throat.
In that moment, a flood of understanding washes over me, mingling with the horror of realization. These are the hands of the creature from my nightmares, the creature whose face I can never fully recall because, as I now understand, it is me.
What happens next feels detached, as if I'm no longer in control of my own actions, watching from a distance as my body moves on its own. I turn towards my dad, his face a mask of terror. He stumbles back, his eyes wide with the dawning realization of what his son has become.
The forest around us seems to fall silent, holding its breath as the nightmarish scene unfolds. I can hear my own growls, guttural and deep, filling the air with a sound that's both foreign and intimately familiar. The pain in my abdomen fuels a dark, violent urge, an urge that's too strong to resist.
With a ferocity that feels both alien and intrinsic, I move towards him. My dad, paralyzed by fear and shock, doesn't run. Maybe he can't. Maybe he doesn't want to.
The encounter was brutal and swift, a blur of motion and violence. My dad barely puts up a struggle, as though resigned to his fate.
Not that there is anything he can do. The creature that I’ve become is too powerful, too consumed by the wild instincts surging through me. I tear him apart, limb from bloody limb, my hands—no, my claws—rending through fabric and flesh with disgusting ease.
The sound of my dad’s screams, of tearing fabric and flesh is drowned out by the animalistic growls that echo through the trees.
When it’s all over, the red mist that had clouded my vision begins to fade, and the fierce, uncontrollable rage that drove my actions subsides. I'm left standing, my breaths heavy and erratic, in the eerie stillness of the forest. The transformation reverses as quickly as it came on, and I find myself back in my human form. My clothes are ripped to shreds, hanging off my frame in tattered remnants. At my feet lies what’s left of my dad, his body torn and unrecognizable.
I glance down at my abdomen, expecting agony, but instead find my wound miraculously healed. No sign of the gunshot remains, just a faint scar where I expected a bloody mess.
Shock sets in, a numbing disbelief mixed with a gut-wrenching realization of what I've become and what I've done. My hands, now human again, tremble as I look at them, half-expecting to see the claws that had so effortlessly ripped through flesh and bone. But there's only blood, my father's blood against my skin.
I stand there for what feels like an eternity, trapped in a nightmare of my own making.
Eventually, the shock wears thin, and a cold practicality takes hold. I need to get out of here. I need to cover my tracks, to disappear. Because who would believe this? Who would understand that I didn't choose this, that I'm not a monster by choice?
With trembling hands, I do what’s necessary. I bury my dad in a shallow grave, the physical act of digging strangely grounding. I cover him with leaves and branches, a pitiful attempt to hide the brutality of his end. I take a moment, whispering apologies into the wind, knowing full well that nothing I say can change what happened.
I leave the forest behind, my mind a whirl of dark thoughts. As I walk, the first hints of dawn brush against the horizon, the sky bleeding a soft pink. It’s hauntingly beautiful.
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My dad Frank is in the kitchen, clattering around with the coffeepot and mumbling under his breath. Today we’re heading up to the woods of Northern Michigan, same as we did every year before Leah… before we lost her.
I can’t help but feel the old scars throbbing as I load bullets into the magazine. It’s been ten years since that hunting trip, the one that tore my family into before and after. Before, when Leah's laughter was a constant soundtrack to our lives; after, when every silence was filled with her absence.
We were just kids back then. I was ten, Leah was eight. It was supposed to be a typical hunting trip, one of those bonding experiences Dad was always talking about. But things went wrong. We got separated from Dad somehow. One minute we were following him, the next we were lost, the dense woods closing in around us.
Dad says when he found me, I was huddled under a fallen tree, my eyes wide, my body frozen. All I could mutter through chattering teeth was "Dogman."
It was only later, after the search parties had combed through every thicket and hollow, that they found her. What remained of Leah was barely recognizable, the evidence of a brutal mauling undeniable. The authorities concluded it was likely a bear attack, but Dad... he never accepted that explanation. He had seen the tracks, too large and oddly shaped for any bear.
As I load another round, the memory flashes, unbidden and unwelcome. Large, hairy clawed hands reaching out towards us, impossibly big, grotesque in their form. Yet, the rest of the creature eludes me, a shadow just beyond the edge of my recall, leaving me with nothing but fragmented terrors and Leah’s haunting, echoing screams. My mind blocked most of it out, a self-defense mechanism, I guess.
For years after that day, sleep was a battleground. I'd wake up in strange places—kitchen floor, backyard, even at the edge of the nearby creek. My therapist said it was my mind's way of trying to resolve the unresolved, to wander back through the woods searching for Leah. But all I found in those sleepless nights was a deeper sense of loss.
It took time, a lot of therapy, and patience I didn't know I had, but the sleepwalking did eventually stop. I guess I started to find some semblance of peace.
I have mostly moved on with my life. The fragmentary memories of that day are still there, lurking in the corners of my mind, but they don’t dominate my thoughts like they used to. I just finished my sophomore year at Michigan State, majoring in Environmental Science.
As for Dad, the loss of Leah broke him. He became a shell of himself. It destroyed his marriage with Mom. He blamed himself for letting us out of his sight, for not protecting Leah. His life took on a single, consuming focus: finding the creature that killed her. He read every book, every article on cryptids and unexplained phenomena. He mapped sightings, connected dots across blurry photos and shaky testimonies of the Dogman.
But as the tenth anniversary of Leah’s death approaches, Dad's obsession has grown more intense. He’s started staying up late, poring over his maps and notes, muttering to himself about patterns and cycles. He’s convinced that the dogman reappears every ten years, and this is our window of opportunity to finally hunt it down.
I’m not nearly as convinced. The whole dogman thing seems like a coping mechanism, a way for Dad to channel his guilt and grief into something tangible, something he can fight against. But I decided to tag along on this trip, partly to keep an eye on him, partly because a small part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe, we’ll find some kind of closure out there in the woods.
I finish loading the rifle and set it aside, standing up to stretch my legs. I wipe my greasy hands on an old rag, trying to get rid of the smell. The early morning light is starting to seep into the room, casting long shadows across the floor.
Dad comes out of the kitchen with two thermoses of coffee in hand. His eyes are bleary and tired.
“You ready, Ryan?” he asks, handing me a thermos, his voice rough from too many sleepless nights.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I reply, trying to sound more confident than I felt.
We load our gear into the truck, the weight of our supplies and weapons a physical reminder of the burden we carry. The drive from Lansing across the Lower Peninsula is long and quiet, the silence between us filled with unspoken memories and unresolved grief.
—
The drive north is a blur of highway lines and the dull hum of the engine. I drift off, the landscape outside blending into a haze. In my sleep, fragments of that day with Leah replay like scattered pieces of a puzzle. I see her smile, the way she tugged at my sleeve, eager to explore. The sunlight filters through the trees in sharp, jagged streaks.
Then, the memory shifts—darker, disjointed. Leah's voice echoes, a playful laugh turning into a scream that pierces the air. The crunch of leaves underfoot as something heavy moves through the underbrush. I see a shadow, large and looming, not quite fitting the shapes of any creature I know.
Then, something darker creeps into the dream, something I’ve never allowed myself to remember clearly.
Before I can see what it is I wake up with a start as the truck jerks slightly on a rough patch of road. Dad glances over. "Bad dream?" he asks. I nod, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the remnants of the dream clinging to me like the cold.
"Yeah, just... thinking about Leah," I manage to say.
As we drive, Dad attempts to bridge the silence with small talk. He asks about my finals, my plans for the summer, anything to keep the conversation going. His voice carries a forced cheerfulness, but it’s clear his heart isn’t in it. I respond when necessary, my answers brief, my gaze fixed on the passing scenery.
The landscape changes as we head further north, from flat expanses to rolling hills dotted with dense patches of forest. It's beautiful country, the kind that reminds you how vast and wild Michigan can be, but today it just feels oppressive, like it’s closing in on us.
—
We finally arrive at the cabin, nestled deep in the woods, its weathered wood blending seamlessly with the surrounding trees. The place hasn't changed much since the last time I was here—a relic from another time, filled with the echoes of our past. I can still see Leah running around the porch, her laughter ringing out into the forest.
Dad parks the truck, and we step out into the crisp air. The smell of pine and damp earth fills my nostrils. We start unloading our gear, the tension between us palpable.
“Let’s get this inside,” Dad says, his voice gruff as he hefts a duffel bag onto his shoulder.
I nod, grabbing my own bag and following him to the cabin. Inside, it’s a mix of old and new—the same rustic furniture, but with new hunting gear and maps strewn across the table. Dad’s obsession is evident in every corner of the room, a constant reminder of why we’re here.
As we unpack, we exchange strained attempts at normalcy. He talks about the latest cryptid sightings he’s read about, his eyes lighting up with a fervor that both worries and saddens me.
“Did you hear about the sighting up near Alpena?” he asks, laying out his maps on the table.
“Yeah, you mentioned it,” I reply, trying to muster some enthusiasm. “Do you really think there’s something to it?”
Dad’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see a flicker of doubt. But it’s quickly replaced by grim determination. “I have to believe it, Ryan. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
We finish unpacking, the silence between us growing heavier with each passing minute. I step outside to clear my head, the cool air a welcome relief. The sun is starting to set, casting long shadows across the clearing. I can’t shake the feeling of unease.
"You can take the upstairs room," Dad mutters. His voice is strained, trying to sound normal, but it's clear the weight of the past is heavy on him. I nod, hauling my backpack up the creaking stairs to the small bedroom that I used to share with Leah. The room feels smaller now, or maybe I've just grown too much since those innocent days.
I unpack silently, setting my things aside. The bed is stiff and cold under my touch. As I settle in, I can't help but glance at the corner where Leah and I would huddle together, whispering secrets and making plans for adventures that would never happen. I push the thoughts away, focusing on the practicalities of unpacking.
After settling in, I go back downstairs to find Dad loading up a backpack with supplies for our hunt. The intensity in his eyes is palpable, his hands moving with practiced precision. I know this routine; it's one he's perfected over countless solo trips since that fateful day.
"We'll head out early," he says, not looking up from his task. "Gotta make the most of the daylight."
I nod, though unease curls in my stomach. I'm not just worried about what we might find—or not find—out there. I'm worried about him. Each year, the obsession seems to carve him out a bit more, leaving less of the Dad I knew.
—
The morning air is sharp with the scent of pine and wet earth as Dad and I head into the deeper parts of the forest. The terrain is rugged, familiar in its untamed beauty, but there’s a tension between us that makes the landscape feel alien. Dad moves with a purposeful stride, his eyes scanning the woods around us. Every snap of a twig, every rustle in the underbrush seems to draw his attention. He’s on edge, and it puts me on edge too.
As we walk, my mind drifts back to that day ten years ago. I can almost hear Leah’s voice echoing through the trees, her high-pitched call as she darted ahead, "Catch me, Ryan!" I remember how the sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dancing shadows on the ground. Those memories are so vivid, so tangible, it feels like I could just turn a corner and see her there, waiting for us.
Dad suddenly stops and kneels, examining the ground. He points out a set of tracks that are too large for a deer, with an unusual gait pattern. "It’s been here, Ry. I’m telling you, it’s close," he whispers, a mixture of excitement and something darker in his voice. I nod, though I’m not sure what to believe. Part of me wants to dismiss it all as grief-fueled obsession, but another part, the part that heard Leah's scream and saw something monstrous in the woods that day, isn’t so sure.
As we continue, Dad's comments become increasingly cryptic. "You know, they say the dogman moves in cycles, drawn to certain places, certain times. Like it’s tied to the land itself," he muses, more to himself than to me. His fixation on the creature has always been intense, but now it borders on mania.
We set up a makeshift blind near a clearing where Dad insists the creature will pass. Hours drag by with little to see but the occasional bird or distant deer.
The sun rises higher in the sky, casting long, slender shadows through the dense canopy. I shift uncomfortably in my spot, the forest floor hard and unyielding beneath me. My eyes dart between the trees, hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything, to break the monotony. Dad, on the other hand, remains steadfast, his gaze fixed on the treeline as if he can will the dogman into existence by sheer force of will.
A bird chirps nearby, startling me. I sigh and adjust my grip on the rifle. I glance over at Dad.
“Anything?” I ask, more out of boredom than genuine curiosity.
“Not yet,” he replies, his voice tight. “But it’s out there. I know it.”
I nod, even though I’m not sure I believe him. The forest seems too quiet, too still. Maybe we’re chasing ghosts.
As the sun begins its descent, the forest is bathed in a warm, golden light. The air cools, and a breeze rustles the leaves. I shiver, more from anticipation than the cold. The long hours of sitting and waiting are starting to wear on me.
“Let’s call it a day for now,” Dad says finally, his voice heavy with disappointment. “We’ll head back to the cabin, get some rest, and try again tomorrow.”
I stand and stretch, feeling the stiffness in my muscles. We pack up our gear in silence and start the trek back to the cabin. The walk is long and quiet, the only sounds are the crunch of leaves underfoot and the distant calls of birds settling in for the night.
—
Dinner is a quiet affair, both of us lost in our thoughts. I try to make small talk, asking Dad about his plans for tomorrow, but it feels forced. We clean up in silence.
After dinner, I retreat to the small bedroom. The fatigue from the day's hike has settled into my bones, but sleep still feels like a distant hope. I lie down, staring at the ceiling, the room cloaked in darkness save for the sliver of moonlight creeping through the window. Downstairs, I hear the faint sound of Dad moving around, likely unable to sleep himself.
I drift into sleep, but it's not restful. My dreams pull me back to that fateful day in the woods. Leah's voice is clear and vibrant, her laughter echoing through the trees. She looks just as she did then—bright-eyed and full of life, her blonde hair catching the sunlight as she runs ahead of me.
"Come on, Ry! You can't catch me!" she taunts, her voice playful and teasing.
I chase after her, but the scene shifts abruptly. The sky darkens, the woods around us growing dense and foreboding. Leah's laughter fades, replaced by a chilling silence. I see her ahead, standing still, her back to me.
"Leah?" I call out, my voice trembling. She turns slowly, her eyes wide and filled with fear. "Ryan, you have to remember," she says, her voice barely a whisper. "It wasn't what you think. You need to know the truth."
Leah’s words hang in the air, cryptic and unsettling. Before I can respond, she turns and starts running again, her figure becoming a blur among the trees. Panic rises in my chest as I sprint after her, my feet pounding against the forest floor.
“Leah, wait!” I shout, desperation lacing my voice. The forest around me seems to close in, the trees towering and twisted, shadows dancing menacingly in the dim light. I push forward, trying to keep her in sight, but she’s too fast, slipping away like a wisp of smoke.
Suddenly, there’s a rustle, a flash of movement in the corner of my vision. Leah screams, a sound that pierces through the heavy silence. It happens too quickly—I can’t see what it is, only a dark blur that snatches her up.
“Leah!” I scream, my voice breaking. I stumble, falling to my knees as the forest spins around me. My heart races, and the terror is so real, so visceral, that it pulls me back to that awful day, the one that changed everything.
I jolt awake, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I sit up, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead as I try to steady my breathing. The room is still dark, the shadows cast by the moonlight seem to flicker and dance on the walls. My heart is still racing from the nightmare, the echo of Leah's scream lingering in my ears.
As I struggle to calm down, the floorboards outside my room creak. The door opens slowly, and I see the silhouette of my dad in the doorway, a Bowie knife in his hand, his posture tense.
“Dad, what the hell are you doing?” I whisper, my voice shaking.
“Shh,” he hisses, holding up a hand to silence me. “I heard something. Something moving around in the cabin. Stay quiet.”
I swallow hard, my mouth dry. I glance at the clock on the nightstand—it’s just past three in the morning. The cabin is silent, the kind of deep, oppressive silence that makes every small sound seem louder. I can’t hear anything out of the ordinary, but Dad’s expression is deadly serious.
He motions for me to get up, and I do, moving as quietly as I can. My heart is racing, a mix of lingering fear from the dream and the sudden, sharp anxiety of the present moment. Dad leads the way, stepping cautiously out of the bedroom and into the hallway, the knife held ready in front of him.
We move through the cabin, checking each room in turn. The living room is empty, the furniture casting long shadows in the dim moonlight. The kitchen is just as we left it, the plates from dinner still drying on the counter. Everything seems normal, untouched.
We finish our sweep of the cabin without finding anything amiss. The silence is heavy, punctuated only by our soft footfalls. I can see the tension in Dad’s frame, his grip on the knife unwavering. After checking the last room, we pause in the dimly lit hallway, the air thick with unspoken questions.
“There’s nothing here,” I say, my voice low. “Are you sure you heard something?”
He looks at me, his eyes searching for something in my face. “I heard growling. Deep and close. It was right outside the window.”
“Maybe it was just an animal outside, a raccoon or something?” I suggest, although the certainty in his voice makes me doubt my own reassurance.
“No, it wasn’t like that. It was different,” he insists, his voice tense.
I nod, not wanting to argue, but the seeds of worry are planted deep.
The look in his eyes sends a chill down my spine. It’s not just fear—it’s desperation. The kind of desperation that comes from years of chasing shadows and finding nothing. I can see the toll this hunt has taken on him, the way it’s worn him down, turned him into a man I barely recognize.
We head back to our rooms. As I lie down, my mind races with thoughts of my dad. I can’t help but wonder if he’s losing it, if the years of grief and guilt have finally pushed him over the edge.
Dad wasn’t always like this. Before Leah’s death, he was the kind of father who took us fishing, helped with homework, and told terrible jokes that made us groan and laugh at the same time. He was solid, dependable. But losing Leah changed him. The guilt twisted him into someone I barely recognize, someone driven by a need for answers, for closure, that may never come.
I try to sleep, but my thoughts keep me awake. I can hear Dad moving around downstairs, probably pacing or double-checking the locks. His paranoia has become a constant presence, and I don’t know how to help him. I don’t even know if I can help him.
—
The next morning, the sunlight filters weakly through the cabin windows, casting a pale light that does little to lift the heavy mood. I drag myself out of bed, feeling the exhaustion of another restless night. Dad is already up, hunched over his maps at the kitchen table, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep.
“Morning,” I mumble, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Did you sleep at all?”
He shakes his head, not looking up from his notes. “Not much. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I heard last night.”
I sip my coffee, trying to shake off the remnants of my nightmare. “Maybe it was just an animal, Dad. We’re deep in the woods, after all.”
He finally looks up, his eyes intense. “Ryan, I know what I heard. It wasn’t just an animal. It was something else.”
I sigh, not wanting to argue. “Okay, fine, Dad. What’s the plan for today?”
“We’re going back out. I found some tracks yesterday, and I want to follow them. See where they lead.”
I nod, feeling a mix of apprehension and resignation. I can see how much this means to him, how desperate he is for any kind of lead. “Alright. Let’s get packed and head out.”
We spend the morning preparing, loading up our gear and double-checking our supplies. Dad is meticulous, going over everything with a fine-toothed comb. I try to match his focus, but my mind keeps drifting back to Leah and the dream I had. Her words echo in my head, cryptic and unsettling: “You need to know the truth.”
We set off into the woods, the air crisp and cool. The forest is alive with the sounds of birds and rustling leaves, but it all feels distant, like background noise to the tension between us. Dad leads the way, his eyes scanning the ground for any sign of the tracks he found yesterday.
As we walk, I can’t help but notice how erratically he’s acting. He mutters to himself, his eyes darting around as if expecting something to jump out at us. His grip on his rifle is tight, his knuckles white.
“Dad, are you okay?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
He glances at me, his expression unreadable. “I’m fine. Just focused.”
He stops frequently to examine the ground or the bark of trees, pointing out marks and signs that seem meaningless to me.
“Look at this,” he says, crouching down to examine a broken branch. “See how it’s snapped? That’s not a deer or a bear. That’s something bigger. Stronger.”
I crouch next to Dad, squinting at the broken branch. To me, it just looks like a regular broken branch, the kind you see all over the forest. "I don't know, Dad. It just looks like a branch to me," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.
Dad's eyes flicker with frustration. "You're not looking close enough. It's the way it's snapped—too clean, too deliberate. Something did this."
I nod, not wanting to argue. "Okay, sure. But even if you're right, it could be anything. A storm, another hunter..."
His expression hardens. "I know what I'm looking for. This is different."
I sigh, feeling the weight of the past and the tension between us pressing down on me. "Dad, I had a dream last night. About Leah." The words hang in the air between us, heavy and fraught with unspoken emotions.
Dad's eyes widen, and he straightens up, his entire demeanor shifting. "What kind of dream? What did you see?" His voice is urgent, almost desperate.
"It was... strange. We were in the woods, like we are now, but everything felt different. Leah was there, running ahead of me, laughing. Then she stopped and told me I needed to know the truth, that it wasn't what I thought."
Dad grabs my shoulders, his grip tight. "What else did she say? Did she tell you anything specific? Anything about the creature?"
I shake my head, feeling a chill run down my spine. "No, that was it. She just said I needed to know the truth, and then she was gone."
Dad’s grip on my shoulders tightens, and his eyes bore into mine with a mixture of desperation and hope. “Ryan, you have to try to remember. Think hard. What did the creature look like? Did you see anything else?”
I pull back slightly, uneasy with his intensity. “Dad, I told you. I don’t remember. It was just a dream. A nightmare, really. My mind’s probably just mixing things up.”
He lets go of me and runs a hand through his hair, looking frustrated and lost. “Dreams can be important. They can hold memories we’ve buried deep. Please, try to remember. This could be a sign, a clue.”
I rub my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “I’ve tried, okay? I’ve tried for years to piece together what happened that day. But it’s all just fragments, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t fit. The dream… it felt real, but I don’t think it’s telling me anything new.”
Dad’s face falls, and he looks older than I’ve ever seen him. He turns away, staring into the forest as if it holds all the answers.
—
As we make our way back to the cabin, the sun begins to set, casting long shadows through the trees. The air grows colder, and I shiver, pulling my jacket tighter around me. Dad is silent, lost in his thoughts, his face drawn and haggard.
Back at the cabin, we unload our gear once again in silence. Dad disappears into his room, muttering something about going over his notes. I decide to explore the cabin, hoping to find something that might help me understand what’s going on with him.
In the attic, I find a box of old family photos and documents. As I sift through the contents, I come across a worn journal with Dad’s handwriting on the cover. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I open it, flipping through the pages.
The journal is filled with notes and sketches, detailing his obsession with the dogman. But there’s something else—entries that talk about Leah, about that day in the woods. His handwriting becomes more erratic, the words harder to read. One entry stands out, dated just a few days after Leah’s death:
“June 15, 2013 – It was supposed to be a normal trip. Keep them close, Frank, I kept telling myself. But I failed. Leah is gone, and it’s my fault. I heard her scream, saw the shadows. I tried to get to her, but… the thing, it was there. Too fast. Too strong. My hands… blood everywhere. No one will believe me. I can’t even believe myself. I have to find it. I have to protect Ryan. I have to make it right. God, what have I done?”
Before I can read further, the attic door creaks open, and Dad’s voice slices through the stillness.
“What are you doing up here?” His tone is sharp, almost panicked.
I turn to see him standing in the doorway, his face pale and his eyes wide with something between anger and fear. I clutch the journal to my chest, my mind racing. “I found this… I was just trying to understand…”
In an instant, he crosses the room and snatches the journal from my hands. His grip is tight, his knuckles white. “You had no right,” he growls, his voice trembling.
“Dad, I just wanted to know the truth!” I shout, frustration boiling over. “What really happened to Leah.”
His eyes flash with a mix of rage and anguish, and before I can react, he slaps me across the face. The force of it knocks me off balance, and I stumble backward, my cheek stinging.
For a moment, there’s a stunned silence. We both stand there, breathing hard, the air thick with tension.
“I’m sorry,” Dad says finally, his voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t mean to… I just…” He trails off, clutching the journal to his chest like a lifeline.
I touch my cheek, feeling the heat from the slap, and take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Dad, what aren’t you telling me? What really happened that day?”
“Stay out of it, Ryan,” Dad growls, his eyes dark with anger. “You don’t know what you’re messing with.”
He turns and storms out of the attic. I’m left standing there, my cheek throbbing, my mind racing. What the fuck is going on? What really happened to Leah? And what is Dad so afraid of?
—
That night, I sleep with my rifle within arm's reach, more afraid of my dad than any dogman. The slap still burns on my cheek, and the look in his eyes—rage, fear, something darker—haunts me. I lie awake, listening to the creaks and groans of the old cabin, every sound amplified in the stillness. Eventually, exhaustion pulls me under, and I fall into a restless sleep.
The dream returns, vivid and unsettling. I'm back in the woods, chasing after Leah. Her laughter echoes through the trees, a haunting reminder of happier times. This time, though, I push myself harder, refusing to let her slip away.
"Ryan, catch me!" she calls, her voice playful.
"I'm coming, Leah!" I shout, my legs pumping, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
The forest around us is a twisted, shadowy maze, the trees seeming to close in on us. Leah's figure becomes clearer, her blonde hair catching the dim light filtering through the canopy. She stops suddenly, turning to face me, her eyes wide with fear.
"Leah, what is it?" I ask, my voice trembling.
"Look behind you," she whispers, her voice barely audible.
I turn slowly, dread creeping up my spine. In the shadows, I see a figure, its form indistinct and shifting. It’s not quite animal, not quite human—something in between. The sight of it sends a jolt of terror through me, and I wake up with a start, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
I’m not in my bed. The ground beneath me is cold and hard, the smell of damp earth filling my nostrils. Panic rises as I realize I’ve sleepwalked into the woods. I scramble to my feet, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. The moon casts a pale glow over the surroundings, revealing what looks like a long-abandoned animal lair.
The walls are covered in giant claw marks, deep gouges in the wood and earth. The air is heavy with the scent of decay, and a chill runs through me. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.
Carefully, I start to move, my eyes scanning the ground, desperate for a familiar landmark. That's when I see them—faded scraps of fabric caught on the jagged edges of the underbrush. My steps falter, a sense of dread washing over me as I bend down to examine them. The fabric is torn, weathered by time and the elements, but unmistakably familiar. It's part of Leah's jacket—the bright pink one she wore on the day she disappeared.
As I strain to make sense of it all, a rustling sound behind me snaps my focus. My heart leaps into my throat. I spin around, my hand instinctively reaching for the rifle I don't have—because, of course, I didn't bring it in my unconscious state.
The shadowy figure that emerges from the trees is unsettlingly familiar, mirroring the menacing forms of my nightmares. But as it steps into the moonlight, I recognize the worn jacket, the weary posture. It's Dad.
"Ryan!" he calls out, his voice a mix of relief and stern concern. "I've been looking everywhere for you. What the hell are you doing out here?"
I exhale slowly, the terror ebbing away as reality sets back in. "I—I don't know, Dad. I must've sleepwalked again." My voice is shaky, my earlier dream still clinging to the edges of my consciousness.
Dad stares at me in disbelief. "You haven't sleepwalked since you were a kid, Ry. This... this isn't just a coincidence." His eyes dart around, taking in the surroundings—the eerie, claw-marked den, the unsettling quiet of the woods. "How did you even find this place?"
I shake my head, struggling to find an answer. "I don't know, Dad. I just... I woke up here." The uncertainty in my voice does nothing to ease the tension.
His eyes lock onto the tattered remains of Leah's jacket in my hands, and something inside him snaps. The color drains from his face as he stumbles a few steps backward. "This... this is where it happened," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper. “This is where we found Leah."
“I thought you said you don’t remember anything from that night,” he says accusingly.
"I swear, Dad, I don't know anything about this place," I insist, my own heart pounding.
“It was you, wasn’t it? You’ve been hiding this from me.” His voice is frantic. “You... last night, the growling, it was you.” His voice rises, tinged with hysteria.
I step back, my pulse racing, feeling the chill of the night and the weight of his accusation. "Dad, I don't know what you're talking ab—”
"No!" he interrupts, his voice breaking as he points a trembling finger at me. "You knew, you always knew. It was you, Ryan. All these years, the evidence was right there, but I refused to see it. You were the dogman. You killed Leah!"
His words hit me like a physical blow, absurd and horrifying in their implications. "Dad, you're not making any sense. You're talking crazy! I was just a little kid! How could I–" I protest, my voice shaky.
He steps closer, his presence looming over me, the outline of his figure distorted by the shadows of the trees. "Think about it! It all makes sense now. You led us here, to this place, because you remember. Because you did it."
"Dad, stop it!" I shout, my heart pounding in my chest. "You're scaring me. You need help, professional help. This isn't you."
But he's beyond reason, his eyes wild with a haunted grief. "I have to end this," he mutters, more to himself than to me, his hand tightening around his rifle.
His finger hovers dangerously over the trigger of his rifle. My instincts kick in, and I know I have to act fast.
I lunge toward him, trying to knock the weapon away, but he's quicker than I expected. We struggle, our breaths heavy in the cold night air, the sounds of our scuffle the only noise in the otherwise silent woods. His strength surprises me, fueled by his frantic emotions. He shoves me back, and I stumble over a root, my balance lost for a crucial second. That's all he needs. He raises his rifle, his intentions clear in his wild, pained eyes.
I dive to the ground just as the shot rings out, a deafening blast that echoes ominously through the trees. The bullet whizzes past, narrowly missing me, embedding itself in the bark of an old pine. I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding in my ears, and I start running. The underbrush claws at my clothes and skin, but I push through, driven by a primal urge to survive.
"Dad, stop! It's me, Ryan!" I shout back as I dodge between the trees. Another shot breaks the silence, closer this time, sending splinters of wood flying from a nearby tree trunk. It's surreal, being hunted by my own father, a man tormented by grief and lost in his delusions.
I don't stop to look back. I can hear him crashing through the forest behind me, his heavy breaths and muttered curses carried on the wind. The terrain is rough, and I'm fueled by adrenaline, but exhaustion is setting in. I need a plan.
Ahead, I see a rocky outcrop and make a split-second decision to head for it. It offers a chance to hide, to catch my breath and maybe reason with him if he catches up. As I reach the rocks, I slip behind the largest one, my body pressed tight against the cold, damp surface. I hear his footsteps approaching, slow and cautious now.
As I press against the rock, trying to calm my racing heart, I can hear Dad's footsteps drawing closer, each step crunching ominously on the forest floor. He's methodical, deliberate, like a hunter stalking his prey.
“Come out, Ryan!” Dad’s voice is ragged, filled with a blend of fury and pain.
My heart pounds against my chest, the cold sweat on my back making me shiver against the rough surface of the rock. I know I can't just sit here; it's only a matter of time before he finds me.
Taking a deep breath, I peek around the edge of the rock, trying to gauge his position. I see him, rifle raised, scanning the area slowly. This might be my only chance to end this madness without further violence. I need to disarm him, to talk some sense into him if I can.
As quietly as I can, I move out from behind the rock, my steps careful to avoid any twigs or leaves that might betray my position. I'm almost upon him when a branch snaps under my foot—a sound so trivial yet so alarmingly loud in the quiet of the woods.
Dad whirls around, looking completely unhinged. "Ryan!" he exclaims, his rifle swinging in my direction. Panic overtakes me, and I lunge forward, my hands reaching for the gun.
We struggle, the rifle between us, our breaths heavy and erratic. "Dad, please, stop!" I plead, trying to wrestle the gun away. But he's strong, stronger than I expected.
In the chaos, the rifle goes off. The sound is deafening, a sharp echo that seems to reverberate off every tree around us. Pain explodes in my abdomen, sharp and burning, like nothing I've ever felt before. I stagger back, my hands instinctively going to the wound. The warmth of my own blood coats my fingers, stark and terrifying.
Dad drops the rifle, his eyes wide with horror. "Oh my God! What have I done?" he gasps, rushing to my side as I collapse onto the forest floor.
As the pain sears through me, a strange, overpowering energy surges within. It's wild, primal, unlike anything I've ever experienced. Looking down in horror, my hands are no longer hands but large, hairy, clawed appendages. The transformation is rapid, consuming—my vision blurs, senses heighten, and a raw, guttural growl builds in my throat.
In that moment, a flood of understanding washes over me, mingling with the horror of realization. These are the hands of the creature from my nightmares, the creature whose face I can never fully recall because, as I now understand, it is me.
What happens next feels detached, as if I'm no longer in control of my own actions, watching from a distance as my body moves on its own. I turn towards my dad, his face a mask of terror. He stumbles back, his eyes wide with the dawning realization of what his son has become.
The forest around us seems to fall silent, holding its breath as the nightmarish scene unfolds. I can hear my own growls, guttural and deep, filling the air with a sound that's both foreign and intimately familiar. The pain in my abdomen fuels a dark, violent urge, an urge that's too strong to resist.
With a ferocity that feels both alien and intrinsic, I move towards him. My dad, paralyzed by fear and shock, doesn't run. Maybe he can't. Maybe he doesn't want to.
The encounter was brutal and swift, a blur of motion and violence. My dad barely puts up a struggle, as though resigned to his fate.
Not that there is anything he can do. The creature that I’ve become is too powerful, too consumed by the wild instincts surging through me. I tear him apart, limb from bloody limb, my hands—no, my claws—rending through fabric and flesh with disgusting ease.
The sound of my dad’s screams, of tearing fabric and flesh is drowned out by the animalistic growls that echo through the trees.
When it’s all over, the red mist that had clouded my vision begins to fade, and the fierce, uncontrollable rage that drove my actions subsides. I'm left standing, my breaths heavy and erratic, in the eerie stillness of the forest. The transformation reverses as quickly as it came on, and I find myself back in my human form. My clothes are ripped to shreds, hanging off my frame in tattered remnants. At my feet lies what’s left of my dad, his body torn and unrecognizable.
I glance down at my abdomen, expecting agony, but instead find my wound miraculously healed. No sign of the gunshot remains, just a faint scar where I expected a bloody mess.
Shock sets in, a numbing disbelief mixed with a gut-wrenching realization of what I've become and what I've done. My hands, now human again, tremble as I look at them, half-expecting to see the claws that had so effortlessly ripped through flesh and bone. But there's only blood, my father's blood against my skin.
I stand there for what feels like an eternity, trapped in a nightmare of my own making.
Eventually, the shock wears thin, and a cold practicality takes hold. I need to get out of here. I need to cover my tracks, to disappear. Because who would believe this? Who would understand that I didn't choose this, that I'm not a monster by choice?
With trembling hands, I do what’s necessary. I bury my dad in a shallow grave, the physical act of digging strangely grounding. I cover him with leaves and branches, a pitiful attempt to hide the brutality of his end. I take a moment, whispering apologies into the wind, knowing full well that nothing I say can change what happened.
I leave the forest behind, my mind a whirl of dark thoughts. As I walk, the first hints of dawn brush against the horizon, the sky bleeding a soft pink. It’s hauntingly beautiful.
2024.05.19 10:43 SpooktorB Daily Reminder that Anycolor has caused 2 talents to almost take their own lives, and 2 others severe finacial issues with their local government
Day 81. Shush don't look at the time of posting. I'll make it up, I always do.
But in seriousness, life had to come first today, so now that I have time finally, we're are writing up the daily post for May 18th. Twill be another double post Sunday for me I guess to make up for it.
It may be considered "cheating" but I just want to make sure I don't miss this reminder before I go to bed for the day, which ever time that may be. This project is more of a personal one, powered by my own convictions of what has happened and and what is happening at Angcolor. That conviction drives me to ultimately try to remind people that that there are human being behind the screen, and we almost lost 2 of them, due to direct actions and negligent inaction of Anycolor. And that also 2 people had had their entire financial lives almost completely ruined, and almost jailed, due to Anycolors complete incompetence and illiteracy of international tax law, despite having hired and managed internationally for years at that point. I want to bring awareness specifically to the individual level of these issues, while not specifying names, because the who isn't really important, but the fact of the matter that it did happen at all. But please feel free to ask questions, and answer said questions. I'm not trying to keep a secret, just keep it as far away from being the talents issue as possible.
Please do not harass anyone. Do not ask anyone to quit. But again, don't let anycolor push aside these above facts. Do not let Anycolor hide from the atrocities that has been committed. There has been no tangible improvements since Rikus last message.
This is the most I can do myself though, is post daily reminders. I do not have the mental or emotional capacity for much past this.
We all have that different threshold. I saw a question asking who still watches Anycolor talents. For those that still do, it's okay. You can still watch and be part of the larger ideals of the party. We all have different thresholds, and what we can and can't do. So long as your ultimate goal is that the talents are safer, and what you do is helping with that goal that is what you can.
Stay safe everyone
submitted by SpooktorB to kurosanji [link] [comments]
But in seriousness, life had to come first today, so now that I have time finally, we're are writing up the daily post for May 18th. Twill be another double post Sunday for me I guess to make up for it.
It may be considered "cheating" but I just want to make sure I don't miss this reminder before I go to bed for the day, which ever time that may be. This project is more of a personal one, powered by my own convictions of what has happened and and what is happening at Angcolor. That conviction drives me to ultimately try to remind people that that there are human being behind the screen, and we almost lost 2 of them, due to direct actions and negligent inaction of Anycolor. And that also 2 people had had their entire financial lives almost completely ruined, and almost jailed, due to Anycolors complete incompetence and illiteracy of international tax law, despite having hired and managed internationally for years at that point. I want to bring awareness specifically to the individual level of these issues, while not specifying names, because the who isn't really important, but the fact of the matter that it did happen at all. But please feel free to ask questions, and answer said questions. I'm not trying to keep a secret, just keep it as far away from being the talents issue as possible.
Please do not harass anyone. Do not ask anyone to quit. But again, don't let anycolor push aside these above facts. Do not let Anycolor hide from the atrocities that has been committed. There has been no tangible improvements since Rikus last message.
This is the most I can do myself though, is post daily reminders. I do not have the mental or emotional capacity for much past this.
We all have that different threshold. I saw a question asking who still watches Anycolor talents. For those that still do, it's okay. You can still watch and be part of the larger ideals of the party. We all have different thresholds, and what we can and can't do. So long as your ultimate goal is that the talents are safer, and what you do is helping with that goal that is what you can.
Stay safe everyone