I am 18+ and all participants and characters must be 18+ as well. As I'm about 30, I do tend to prefer people closer to my own age.
Hello! I've recently started working my way through the Planet of The Apes Saga again and it remains one of my favorite movie/tropes. I'm hoping to find some fellow roleplayers with an interest in a story where society has collapsed due to a virus that has drastically enhanced a new species, planting it at the top of the food chain. I have some plot ideas below, but I'm also open to hearing your own interests and ideas!
A. Classic POTA: A lab working for a miracle drug to treat Alzheimer's Disease resulted in the release of the "Simian Flu," a contagion that swept through the human population like wildfire and eradicated the majority of their numbers. Human society collapsed and Apes thrived, evolving exponentially: they built cities within the forests, developed their own sign language, and even began to pick up the basics of the English language. Apes believe the humans have died out, save for a few rare stragglers clinging to the bones of their city ruins, so when a small group of survivors accidentally stumbles upon a troupe of Apes hunting in the forests, tensions immediately rise and a stand-off ensues. With casualties on both sides, the fighting clears as the humans retreat...leaving one of their wounded behind.
B. Supernatural POTA Trope: In this universe, the virus released was either spread by canines (causing Lycanthropy) or chiropterans (creating vampires) and the infected/mutated portion of humanity have become the nightmares lurking in the night that scares what few humans remain into hiding. Humans scavenge during the daylight hours and are wary of each other, as it's impossible to tell who is and isn't infected...at least, until the sun goes down. During a routine supply run into the crumbling ruins of a large city's downtown area, an earthquake causes the remaining structures to collapse, creating chaos as the nightmare brood sleeping in the shadows flees crumbling buildings, and humans attempt to escape the falling debris as well as the bloodthirsty, flesh-hungry maws of the infected. In the confusion, a human and one of the infected are trapped in the subway, with only each other, and the supplies they carried at the time of the disaster.
Questions I'm Anticipating:
Q: Which non-human species/monsters are available to be played for this roleplay? A: Suggest one that has your fancy and I can consider it, otherwise it's the ones listed!
Q: Are there other types of post-apocalypse settings available? A: Yes! I'm also a huge fan of TLOU and I Am Legend, as well as creating our own lore.
That's all! Thanks for reading! Please send a chat or DM if you're interested.

So I know we've got a patch coming but I feel like no one's talking about Grimm since he released and things I've seen in gameplay both playing as grimm and seeing others play him have led me to believe there's a real problem with his design. This is going to be long.
Let's start with his problems:
Grim is a carry, however unlike basically every other ADC he does not have mobility, escape tools, or even a snare. He at best has an anemic knockback but on top of that, he has a weak early game due to lack of offensive abilities and a severe dependency on items even more so than other carries. Murdoc/Twin blast/Kira all have some way to get away from or peel the enemy off themselves, even Sparrow(arguably the most basic of adc's) at least has a slow and movespeed bonus in her kit.
He also is unique in that he deals entirely magic damage but has a hybrid scaling setup. Which is a problem because items don't really fit neatly into his stat needs, and more importantly his unique situation results in awkward item interactions.
Ex: Items that apply on hit effects DO NOT apply assault mode damage despite it being an on hit effect. Life steal actually DOES work with his basic despite being magic damage(A loy of people were confused by this and didn't know lifesteal worked). He needs Magic pen to deal with tankyness but most of the items he would normally build don't have it as a stat leaving him with only caustica as an option and while normally magic damage doesn't crit Grim can...but only with his basic attack.
Additionally Items like Combustion and Magnify do not trigger off of Assault mode damage either(which i thought was really odd in the case of combustion in particular since it only specifies ability damage) So even these items which on paper might be things grim would want don't synergize as well as they should. Meanwhile Infernum does work.
This creates an awkward itemization and I'm seeing a lot of grims that don't seem to know what to build or when to build it. Grim's that commit to magic items end up with anemic damage output because assault mode doesn't scale well enough to be meaningful damage on it's own, his passive is minor damage even if true damage and in the case of magic items he obviously isn't able to increase his basic attack strength. On the other hand Physical item grim plays like a traditional ADC but just with magic damage yet still ends up lacking due to his lack of tools in his kit compared to conventional ADC's.
He's incredibly slow and easy to run down.
He essentially only has ONE offensive ability until level 6 meaning he's at a severe disadvantage against almost any lane opponents. He has no real benefits that make up for this.
His spell shield often fails to provide any real protection and has no real impact on the flow of battles. Ex: Phase fires her beam at you, spell shield only blocks 1 tick of it not the whole thing you still take damage you still get rooted and there's nothing grim can do about it because he's so slow in the first place.
His passive is literally forgettable, it contributes so little to fights it almost might as well not be there.
The benefits:
An emphasis on magic damage forces opponents into alternative build routes if he gets ahead to deal with his magic damage, they can't just build tainted bastion and call it a day.
Displacement cannon is a long range mortar in assault mode letting him poke like a mage would.
His ultimate tracks targets and can secure kills from long distance as long as he has line of sight.
In rare cases you just might spell shield something like a countess ult and save yourself but more often than not it'll be popped by an incidental hit from some ability and you'll die anyway.
Annnnd.....that's about it.
Possible Solutions:
1: Make the spell shield a barrier that gives damage reduction and CC immunity to hard CC(knock ups/stuns) but not soft cc(slows/silences) This would give grim an offensive and defensive tool to chase down a kill or to flee without getting cc locked. Or make spell shield into a stim, say successfully blocking an attack with the shield gives grim bonuses to aspd/movement for a short duration increasing as he ranks the ability up.
2: Assault mode's slow should not be a decaying slow. At max rank it's a 20% slow for 0.8 seconds. that means in 0.4 seconds the max rank slow is already down to 10%(the same as rank 1's full value) which is already not very significant especially for a character as slow as grim is. This also means the lower ranks are genuinely inconsequential amounts of slow. Additionally add a 4/8/12/16/20 base damage to the ranks of assault mode. A lot of people don't seem to realize ranking it up doesn't actually increase the damage at all despite the increased mana cost and the not very effective slow. since he lacks offensive tools, and an escape a decent slow is the least he can be given so he can at least attempt to kite. but given his movement speed that seems unlikely.
3: Add a silence or a micro stun to displacement cannon so he can interrupt enemy attacks. Position it as something that can be a life saving interrupt defensively or a silence to shut off opposing abilities to allow for an engage. Possibly also increase the knockback power. It's pretty sad to see an enemy blink/leap in throw a orb of plasma in their face and they only back up a whole 4 inches and proceed to be completely unbothered.

1. Change the pulsefire passive so either some % of magic power is added to his basic attack or give him magic armor shred on his attacks/abilities. Hell maybe even make it actual fire, some stacking burning effect with a max stack bonus. Any of these would give him actual team synergy with other magic users. Every other ADC has a passive that directly improves their ability to deal damage meanwhile Grim's passive is more like a bruiser passive more in line with someone like Kwang but without any of the durability.

All in all Grimm feels like he was designed for an entirely different role but got shoved into the carry position because his kit revolved around ranged basic attacks. But someone nerfed his durability but didn't change the rest of his kit to address his vulnerability in the new role.

so as of the last couple of months there's been an impending doom on my immediate family bc my grandmother (who pays the rent) says her money will run out soon. her and my mom decided to move into a 2k a month so my little sister can walk to school and we could walk to grocery stores etc bc we have no car anymore (i'll get on the reason why later) my mom got laid off like a year ago and didn't want to work in healthcare anymore and is currently working at a retail store making less than me..so i'm confused why her a my grandma came to this decision. but a little background on my mom, 1.she can't have any apartment in her own name bc her credit is fucked so my grandmother has always had to put it in hers 2.she CANNOT budget for shit, she says this herself. she got 6k on her tax return and spent it on patio chairs and fuck knows what while knowing the situation. she constantly says she's broke while also constantly having amazon packages and random new shit around the house but bitches about how she needs money for the light bill (me and my sister give her $150 a month) she also never buys food.
i have an older sister who i could move out with but here's the thing with her, she extremely unstable it's scary. she's the reason we don't have any cars (she totaled her AND my moms car bc of her "emotions") would constantly get into fights with her narcissistic girlfriend while i lived with her and would scream at me for minor things. i don't want to live with her bc of that and the fact that her judgement of character is SHIT as she's brought so many shady or weird people around me that end up screwing her over (shockingly) and she always trying to get us to suddenly move out with some random guy she knows just to change her mind like 3 weeks later bc she doesn't have enough money or something the guy does. i can't count how many times she saved x amount of money and said she'd get a new car just for her to blow the money. i love my sister but the choices that she's made in recent years and the way she's treated me has made me want to distance myself from her.
and then there's me, making 1200 a month , having to pay $400 a month in ubers, $200 a month on on rent and food, and saving the rest for my future dental procedures, education and car which will obviously be thousands. i'm keeping positive and trying to keep my head up but it's hard. i don't have friends or close family i could move with but i feel like at some point i'll have to cut off my family. i know it could be much worse but i hate feeling like i'm the only one trying to get out of this situation. if i talk to my mom abt her money and living situation she gets into a child like manner and essentialy says she doesn't know and that everything just works out for her. if i talk to my sister it seems like she just sets false promises or goals i know she won't achieve. i can't stand being around the helpless way of thinking. ik getting a second job would help my situation but im really just concerned on the outlook. how long am i gonna have to put off going to school to help with my family? how long am i not going to be able to go anywhere bc i always have to uber? i'm only 19 but i feel like right now i need to make a decision that will either make or break me

Good Evening,
I have just started playing Dark Souls 2 on my PC. I went to pick up where I left off on my steam deck, only to find no save files transferred. It turns out Dark Souls 2 and 3 didnt opt in for Cloud Save. Through some internet searching I have heard of some using drop box, and syncthing to transfer save data.
I’m curious if there has been any new ways to transfer save data from pc to SD and vice versa on games that don’t support steam cloud.
Let me know your thoughts and ideas, also I am having trouble finding my Save data on My PC (Win 10) to try and copy it.
Cheers

i don’t even know why i decided to look up my bfs ex on social media, but i saw she literally already graduated college despite us all being in the same year (2nd years). i had to go to a new college as a transfer student because i failed so bad…currently i have all A’s as a full time student and i’m working which i was really proud of until i saw this. it’s not even like im jealous. i just admire her. she seems so dedicated to her studies and unbothered by anything, no wonder he loved her so deeply. she probably was an amazing headstrong girl. sometimes i wish i never got in the way. maybe they could have made amends and got together again if i wasn’t there. i can’t stop thinking of how much she meant to him and how much better off they may have been. she’s definitely the kind of person you can’t get over, the kind of love that lingers in your mind after decades where you wonder what went wrong. i am simply a distraction.

Hey Reddit, I’m fairly new at this and will probably be having to make edits and updates along the way so please bear with me. Also the timeline may be a bit confusing so if there are any questions or confusions just say so and I’ll clear it up the best I can.
My dad (49) and I (19f) currently have a very strained relationship. We rarely speak to other besides greetings when he’s home and when he calls my mom on the road (he’s a truck driver). I should start by saying that growing up I was probably the biggest daddy’s girl you could know. It was when I was around 11-12 he became less active and seemed uninterested in anything i did if it wasn’t about grades in school. In February of this year he came out and told my brother (16 at the time) and I that he had cheated on our mom and the woman ended up pregnant. The cheating in question happens on a trip he took back to his native country for his birthday. I put the time line together after he let us know that the unborn child had actually been born. He turned 2 this past April, 2 weeks before my other brother turned 17. When he finished my brother and I both in shock said we weren’t mad, just EXTREMELY disappointed, and would need time to process what he told us and then we’d have another talk.
We are now in May and he hasn’t breathed a word of anything regarding the situation since the day he told us. He walks around and acts like everything is normal and tries to make “jokes” in passive aggressive statements. I don’t know if i’m crazy but I just don’t feel like he has the right to do that, because he’s the one who messed up. Like sir, there is no more normal you brought a whole new person here. My mom is considering divorce, but he swears he’ll never do it again and he thinks “they can make it work”. Let it be known for the record, this was not the first time cheated, it’s more like this is how he broke his promise to never cheat again.
TRIGGER WARNING small mention of SA in this paragraph
Honestly the whole situation is really fucked up but it made me take a step back and truly analyze the relationship i had with him as a whole, and although we lived together (because he’s only been truck driving for 2 years) I don’t feel like he was really a father to me like he should’ve. I was always involved in school extracurriculars and constantly had something going on. In my whole conscious life i can count on one hand how many he showed up for anything i had. And it wasn’t because he couldn’t, he simply didn’t want to and never made an effort to. My mom however would take days off and came to who knows how many and she really played both roles for me. 2 years ago I also had to get therapy for SA and trauma, and i didn’t realize it until speaking about it with my mom a few weeks ago that he never once asked me if I was okay while dealing that (and I was not). I tried to speak to him and have conversations, but with me he’s only ever able to talk about how i need to “do better in school” or how i need to “quit my job and focus on school full time” to which i said no.
After that I ended up telling my mom that I’ll pass on speaking to him about anything other then what we need to talk about and figure out. She’s positive our relationship will be fine but it’s teetering the verge of me choosing go no contact, because I couldn’t imagine having that man walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Thinking way ahead yes, but he never wants to bring up the topic, if you do he gets mad. He can never take critique, you can never not agree with him, and even when he’s dead wrong he still gets angry and blames it on others. All my life we have had to, quoting my mom, ”get over it”.
Quite frankly, I could go on for pages of little and big things he’s done and hasn’t done, but i’m just tired of putting up with it and told my mom if he continues he wouldn’t have a daughter much longer, i’ve been thinking about this a lot more recently as he is on his week off at home.
Any and all advice is welcomed but i also want to know would i be the asshole?

So my wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3. Both in our mid-30s and now have a toddler. She works in the tech world, I'm in real estate. As a couple, we do well financially and contribute roughly 50/50 depending on how I do from year-to-year (sometimes maybe more like 60/40 in her favor, other times 60/40 in mine). We don't have any major issues though we still deal with little annoying arguments about dumb shit like most married couples with a new child.

• My wife has always been a little jealous of my work/life balance as my own boss and I understand why. Real estate can be a cushy gig when you're not greedy and decent at the job. The downside is that every day I wake up not knowing when my next paycheck is coming - which is definitely stressful at times. My wife (let's call her Elle) has a well-paid salary position with good benefits (namely FREE health insurance for her entire family). And about a year ago she finished a 6-figure masters degree to help push her further in her career and create more professional opportunity for herself. Unfortunately, she's miserable with her job. I get it, her boss sucks, the why is kind of irrelevant. For almost 2 months now she's emotionally drained every day and on the verge of tears almost every night. I'd want to leave too.
  
• So we came up with a plan. While I've been in my industry for awhile, I just branched off and started my own business within it about a year ago. It's gone well so far and should have a bright future but it's still very early and likely going to experience it's fair share of bumps in the road along the way. Also, I'm not super entrepreneurial and I only work as hard as I need to in order to enjoy the life we've created for ourselves (think 30-40 hours per week vs 50-60+ like the "grind & hustle" mindset bros on Insta). A healthy work/life balance is more important to me than retiring at 50 but being exhausted and missing my kid's childhood.
  
• Elle's Master's Degree is in Business Development and Marketing. What a coincidence - I have a company that needs to be developed and marketed, Elle wants to market a company and be in charge of it's growth/development. So I suggest "why don't you come grow my company and help me expand it? Not only will it help provide for us financially in the long-run but you will have that freedom that you've been yearning for since forever." She agrees it's a perfect fit. Likely two steps back to take three steps forward over the next couple years but totally worth the early sacrifices. So the next step is leaving her job. But that takes a bit of planning for a few reasons.
  
• One - health insurance/salary/bonus timing. We need to be smart about this so we don't end up taking the L for no reason if it's avoidable without much sacrifice. Two - alignment of some of my transactions closing and paydays associated. Three - we have a contract with a nanny until the end of July for our toddler that runs us roughly $3k/mo. The plan we ultimately decided on was to have her give 4-weeks notice at end of June / early July. If they boot her that day, whatever we can handle it. But losing her will be a big hit for them in her role so they'll likely have her help to find/train a replacement at the very least before leaving. Once leaving entirely by early August, she wants to be a stay-at-home-mom with our child for 6-8 weeks until they hit 1y/o and can go to daycare. It's a pivotal time in our child's development and being able to be a significant part of it will be wonderful for them both and I desperately want it for them.
  
• BUT! The idea has always been to come work with me full-time after that and sending our child to daycare during the work day. Our expenses are built on a dual-income household and we now also have 6-figure student loan debt from Elle's grad degree AND a new (to us) expense in health insurance for the family. If the work with me isn't a fit for her or we just can't seem to make the numbers work out after our runway has been used up, she would go back to corporate America and find a new job. We even took out a HELOC on our home just as a failsafe for liquidity if absolutely necessary so we wouldn't have to pull from any penalized/taxed retirement accounts.
  
• Well we found out this weekend that THREE sets of couples we are mutually friends with locally are transitioning to a single-income home with a SAHM for their new children. She told me tonight after chatting with them that she wants to take an extended leave from working full-time so she can spend important time with our child instead of sending them to daycare. When I asked Elle what that meant and how long she was planning, she said "indefinitely". Which to her just basically means "until I'm ready to go back". We got into a big fight because I explained to her that we are not in a financial position to support ourselves off my COMMISSION-ONLY income that can be highly variable with no benefits. Sure we could manage for a handful of months but not indefinitely. Our mutual friends choosing to do it have different circumstances - namely husbands in very safe and financially secure salary-based roles with benefits (and additionally wives with only moderate income jobs that won't be dramatically missed when accounting for the savings of childcare expenses).
  
• Elle feels like I'm not supporting her and said she feels very pressured to continue working and "provide" with a stable salary and healthcare. She doesn't want to miss important moments with our child and feels like the only way to ensure that happens is if she stops working full-time and instead does little "side hustle" type work in the evenings after the baby is put to sleep. As a reference, the side hustles are learning affiliate marketing, blogging, paid reviewing, selling old stuff on FB marketplace, etc. It's not like she wants to start her own company on the side instead of working for mine. She also keeps bringing up how she supported me in my professional transition into real estate many years ago and carried the brunt of the financial obligations but I won't do the same for her. Which I feel like is an unfair comparison. I was transitioning from one career to another and working part-time jobs during the 6-8 months it took me to get ramped up into my very real full-time position in real estate. She wants to transition from work to no work and have me agree to support that.
  
• I can't seem to help her see that logically it's not about a lack of support. I showed my support for her transition into a career with more personal freedom when I told her she could quit her job tomorrow as long as she had a plan for when the baby went to daycare in a few months. Whether that's a new job in the corporate world or working with me to grow the family business or any other income-replacing endeavor. I don't care what it is as long as it's bringing in legitimate income or working towards that with a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like THAT is supporting her choice to leave her toxic circumstance. But what I don't support is committing to a single income when we are just not stable enough to handle it. And when she said she felt pressured I explained that her statement seems selfish because she's asking ME to take on all of OUR financial responsibility with a young child so that she can stay at home and not work while I also pay for our new healthcare obligations AND pay off her student loan debt that she just got. It literally makes zero sense to me why she can't see that this is our reality and I would also choose to not work if it was an option but unfortunately it puts far too much burden on the now sole-earning spouse to handle it all. I know a lot of people do it but it's not as impactful if a spouse goes from being a teacher at $40k/yr to a SAHM that saves the family $20k/year in childcare. It's only a $20k net loss. Elle is a comfortable 6-figure employee so I just don't think it's fair to ask or even realistic to expect me to agree to. Sure I COULD work 80 hours a week and make more money by investing more time but why should I have to? She's always been very professionally driven (hence the recent Master's Degree) and it seems unfair to build a life on the expectation of two incomes just to bail as soon as our obligations get more complicated and then expect me to pick up the slack by myself. I would not expect Elle to do it for me so I'm frustrated that she thinks it's ok.
  

Anyways - Am I being the asshole here by telling her that she's being selfish and that we can't afford to drop down to a single-income household?

Relatively new player here, the formula in question is the one from this widely-spread document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pnBcjHF3OuRItROdUPdBGw3vwC7v_5CB2pdJzj5wsb0/mobilebasic#heading=h.oavqwoc26o4n
What I'm having trouble deciphering is in the "Add This After For Bonus Incendiary" part on the Moze section. Towards the end of that formula, in teal, "gun card damage" and "gun damage bonuses" show up. There's already an issue of non-paired brackets and maybe that's what's making this seem like an error, but if you're taking the formula at face value, you're essentially applying both base gun damage and whatever is included in "gun damage bonuses" twice, as the former is already included in %BonusElement and the latter (I'm guessing) in all the other parts which add gun damage bonuses.
Add to this the note below that formula which states "COM and Artifact Weapon Type boosts don't apply to Shield, Grenade and FitsD Bonus Elements", which leads me to suspect that maybe the weird-sounding double inclusions are a clumsy way of trying to apply everything but said com and artifact weapon-type boosts to fitsd specifically, and add that, separately, to everything else? In which case there's some bracketing mistakes going on, but I'm also just not sure if maybe I'm off the mark here.
Anyone?

This is amongst other wicked scheming plots against these wankers so in the spirit of the movie Thor “I’M NOT DONE YET” like fuck yes you are, all of you are d-e-d to me I am lucky to have the job I have and extra supplies are on the way to us to help save the day! The Thorzt have been a god sent to my days and keeping me healthy along with other supps
https://www.paramountsafety.com.au/
gloves coveralls in my size thinking of sleeping in the coveralls DOWT and of course more hydration
Ps the raw truth is I had a really shit night I always can’t wait till daybreak they still move around n bite me but could be more nerves now also happy to report no new burrows today and the flaking is easing stay tuned next update after making bait balls recipe compliments of my ever enduring father thanks putting up with me these last 4 weeks and Mum too legendary humans!
Love the vacuum cleaner tip I received this morning from someone I least expected THANK YOU! you know who you are!
BECS Journey with the Bugs signing off to get shit done praying for us here!!!

looking for non-specific friend advice, hope thats alright and not directly against any rules, have tried advice, but no answers :/
i know it's long but I appreciate every read and skip-read, thanks!!
(first part could prolly be skipped? not sure)
So as the title says I (m19) feel pretty lonely bcs I realised I never really "had anybody", which I think is really more the problem ig?
Quick situation: I'm deep in Uni applications for fine arts, so lots of portfolio's, A LOT to do, as I REALLY need to get accepted somewhere this yr. . Finished my Highschool/A-levels in arts last year; and am now doing a voluntary year which, incl. commute, takes about 36 hrs of my week.
I wanna move away end of summer, "as far" as possible, bcs I kinda want a fresh start.
Social situation: So my parents spereated when I was 5, but, as i heard soon enough, they technically did "5" yrs before that and just lived together for my sake; which I realise as I'm writing this, I actually changed my mind and think that was a shit idea and they handled it very poorly.
In General:To put it shortly they both kinda fucked about about how they ..were? I think I was more of a best friend/therapist for him after all that; and my mother actually behaved like a mother, just very cold? like not comically so, but she just really isn't like that. It just sucks when she is The person in your life. (I'm kinda like that too so I don't even really blame her, but also I don't plan on having children so..). As for the rest of my family; can automatically ignore my father's side, except for a few but I don't really know them anyways. My mothers side, I all love them very dearly, you got your problems but all very normal and nice.
I just always had a kind of social anxiety towards those closest to me, ESPECIALLY family bcs, well they're probably gonna know you forever, which is very scary, more so than with a person/s you "choose".
I've got "lots" of friends, and one ore two close people (f21) i could even really talk to if needed to I'm sure? (100%!) And my two "✨besties✨" (2x f20), i really like them, and we are a fun group, don't really see eachother that often bcs of distance. But we aren't really the feelings kinda gals, more like gossip and life update, and a good vacation/sleepover. It'd be "weird" to be all emotionally with them, bcs we just aren't like that (not a no-go tho!), which works for us, one of them is even "cold/distant" in the same way as me, which i think is actually quite fun and bond-y sometimes. so all good there. (** I'm not really cold or distant more like "oh yeah he's the sarcastic/dry one" or something like that ig, it just feels kinda cold and empty sometimes)
I'm not in therapy rn, which obviously is something that needs doing, but I don't think that's the main problem, or that's what's actually missing. * I don't really need to talk it out or anything, I just need someone that's like there? i know that sounds so desperate but I'm afraid it's just what it is. I haven't had a succesful realtionship since 2020, which ended really fucking poorly, but it's just about this warm feeling before that. He was my best friends since 6th grade before that so I don't really have another example of that feeling but a good handful of short lived ones. I don't think it was HIM tho, we didn't really talk like that either, so it's not that or anything.
I don't even need a partner or something like that, just a good, warm friend, as sad as that sounds.
But even that I don't really feel like doing bcs I mean I don't even really have the time anyways which just sucks for everybody, and most for my portfolios.
But also I really, really want some male friends? that sounds awful and lonely but I don't really have a lot, and none close to me. But anyone would be fine really
(But also I really need some guy friends, bcs my b-day is in july and it's not exactly perfect to be the only guy at your own 20 person party)
As I said, I really don't know what to do with myself rn, I would really welcome some advice, as I think i really need some, and it's not like I can go to, even my most emotionally supportive, friends and be like '' yeah so I dont really feel close and homely with anybody not even you, sorry darling''
I'm really lost, but also I don't feel like opening any new barrels (??) "right before" I move away and meet new people, but also also until sept/oct is still quiet a long time.
I just want to meet some new people, which also seems kinda annoying to me, bcs I don't wanna waste any of my time as the "gay best friend" or being some flimsy whimsy weirdo to some Dude
* I don't want someone new to fill a void and fix all my problems or make up for 20 years of whatever this is or anything, I'm actually quiet well regulated, even if it doesn't sounds like it. There just is like a slot that shouldn't be empty and that probably shouldn't be bcs it makes like happy social hormones in your brain, which your brain needs to be regulated?? Idek I'm so tired and at my wits end at this point
I kinda realised this only today in the hard way, always kinda knew of course, and had small realisations, but as it happens it just really hit me and i feel super cornered
Sorry for all the text i know it's A LOT, but in case anybody actually makes the effort to read it, thank you, and any thought from you is deeply appreciated!!
(I know it's always annoying to read; but english isn't my first language, in case some wording or spelling is off/wrong)

So I recently got starting into Gunpla (relax this isn't a gunpla post... yet) and I wanted to try painting a model. So I got a couple cheap kits, namely the Academy Spad XIII and a Revell F4U-4 Corsair
So my understanding is it's best to Prime the surfaces, then paint them, but I've probably all the dumbest newbie questions.
When priming, I know you should wait 12 hours before painting (at least according to the Vallejo Surface Primer I got. So I did two coats on each side (using a little thinner too so I could do better versions.) Do you prime (or paint eventually) both sides in one sitting? Or just one side?
Any suggestions on how to hold the parts while you wait for them to dry? I don't have a dedicated area for me to work (yet) so I didn't want to just leave them on a table. Especially for the smaller parts, I threw them on the Palette I had but just looking for better suggestions.
In the case of the Spad XIII because of the internals of the wings being tight areas, I have painted them before assembly (technically I didn't take them off the Sprues yet, just to make it easier, I did wash them in soapy water though) I know there's no laws to this hobby, but is that the best way to handle the tight/cramped areas or do you always assemble first? Any suggestions on how to handle the eventual painting of the smaller parts of the details?
In the case of assembling and painting as you go, how do you prime? Do you assemble a part, prime, wait for the twelve hours, then paint. wait for X time, and then assembly the next part?
When starting do you find you have to buy new paints for most projects? Or is there a collection of base paints I should own before I start so I'm sure I have a good collection of the correct colors and styles?
Anything else I should know as I get deeper into the painting part of the hobby?

Hi- need serious advice. I know this is a novel, I’m so sorry but I would appreciate anyone who reads it. I’m a 20 yr old F and I live with my brother, 19 M, and my two parents. My parents are abusive. There is no way to get around it. Physically when I was young and mentally now. I can’t describe what they put me through now- it’s awful. I promised myself all throughout high school I would leave the moment I turned 18 but something kind of switched and they became more tolerable, almost nicer, so like a fucking idiot I stayed. I started my bachelors, started working and tried to convince myself it was alright. The other reason I stayed was for my brother. I’ve taken care of him my whole life. I didn’t have any other choice, and I didn’t think I wanted one. It was my duty to take care of him and I did my job as best as I could only being 11 months older. I have gotten in the middle of fights, taken beatings, punishments, paid for him, drove him, etc. Time and money I didn’t have to spare spent on him with no repayment, and I’m talking about he wanted a new $60 game so I asked him to help me while I cleaned my room (vacuuming, taking down dirty clothes, wiping down my fan). This has been going on for years. I was the one to complete his college essay, to call his advisors to get his transcripts, to do his homework, otherwise my ass was on the line with my parents. I have done everything I could for him. Plus, he didn’t even get into college because I told him he had to complete his 200 word prompt for his college application, leading him not to get accepted because he didn’t fucking do it. He’s in his first year while I’m almost in my fourth. I have had jobs for the last 3 years in my field while he has done nothing. I begged my parents for a car and drivers license for 2 1/2 years while he, at 19, only got his 4 months ago. He does the bare minimum. Less than that, actually. The night before fall semester started he got into a fight with my father, physically, left the house, and made me go looking for him and try to convince him to go back home until 5am. To say my semester was fucked after that is an understatement. It’s constant but I stay because I’m his sister. It’s my job. It’s also a cultural thing I guess. I know I’m venting but I’m getting to the point I promise. A month ago I asked him to help me clean my room so that I could study since he has a habit of fucking his room up, coming and staying in my room, taking up my bed, and asking me to buy him food. I had just returned from the library, brought him Taco Bell, and wanted to clean a bit before continuing to study for my final the next day. To be clear, if I didn’t pass this class I wouldn’t be on track to graduate or get into my optometry program. He said he didn’t want to help and bitched and moaned but when I pointed out that I had gone out of my way to get Taco Bell for him he agreed to aid. I asked him to just bring up some cleaning stuff and take down my clothes so I could have them clean for work and he left. After an hour or so of waiting for him (yes I was procrastinating and purposely didn’t ask why he was taking so long) I heard him come upstairs with a plate full of sandwiches and go into his room. I was pissed. I started to text him, angrily and cursing I’ll admit, about him not doing shit and being so annoying. I called him a bum for never following on his promises or doing absolutely fucking anything. He started texting in all caps not to call him that otherwise he swore to god I would regret it, and I, being the person that I am (a fucking idiot) called him it again. He rushed out of his room, kicked open my door and threw his phone at me as hard as he could and left me with a bruise. He started standing over me, threatening me, saying shit like he was going to throw me done the stairs, snap my neck, etc. I’ve seen him get that way before- he smashes shit to pieces, breaks anything in his sight, and generally destroys things. For some context he’s a big guy, almost 300lb and used to be able to deadlift 500+lb. I got scared, saw a knife on my counter from dishes I had yet to clean, and pulled it on him. He slowly backed off and went to his room, before I, again, a fucking idiot, called him a bum again. A stupid decision, I know, I would definitely be the bitch that got knifed in a movie and you’d cheer for her death. This time I closed the door before he could come in, he tried to break down the door while I was on the other side, and in response he smashed something made of glass on the other side and punched a hole in my door. I contacted my dad who was far away and he sent my mother home. My mother and I haven’t spoken to each other in a few months since she called me a burden for asking her to help me get my work clothes ready for the week. She came in, spoke to my brother I guess, then came in and spoke to me. She said it was unbelievable and she didn’t know what to say and when I explained what happened and then told me to study for my test. She also went back to talk to him and came back to talk with me, asking me if I pulled a knife on him, which I admitted to, only because I was seriously afraid of him pushing me down the stairs or knocking me out. After that I locked the door and when texting my parents about the situation they only told me not to worry about it, just study. I couldn’t, and I swear to god I tried, all night. I was scared and I think in shock. I got to the lecture hall early and tried to study there but that didn’t help either. I had done alright in the class, done very well in the lab, but knew I bombed the final. I went home and didn’t speak to anyone at home for days. After about 3 days I went downstairs and saw my dad who tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. I explained how insane and irrational the entire situation was and how I wanted to move out. I couldn’t handle dealing with all of their shit, and if I was the problem like they said I was then I would be fixing that too. I have a very important board exam this summer that I also have to take to get into optometry school and I proposed that I would live on campus, only for the summer. He refused, angrily saying that it wasn’t me place to move out, that he would never support me, and that if that’s what I wanted to do I could get the fuck out right now. A few things- I pay partially for my school. I don’t make much but I put a lot of what I do have toward school and the rest towards little things for me and my brother. Secondly, almost every single thing within my bedroom I have paid for. Excluding the mattress, furniture, and my phone, I have paid for everything I need or want through hard work. Thirdly, both my parents are currently unemployed but wealthy. Wealthy enough that they can go on vacations, pay for four cars, go out with their friends, and pay for their son’s tuition with no hassle. It’s only mine that poses a problem, which is the reason they let me work. They attempt to dictate how I should spend my money constantly. The argument went on for an hour, him accusing me of failing because I chose to, him proposing that he get a lock for my door, telling me I could move into the basement, etc. When my father refused to budge I went upstairs, used a loc that I had bought for when your staying at a hotel to barricade the door and have not spoken to him since. It has been a month now and I have not spoke to anyone in person, though my mother has been trying to guilt me into making me give up my refrigerator in my room by telling me my grandfather is in hospice, there will be a funeral soon, and me having that fridge is making me too fat to be presentable, as well as trying to be nice and hugging me when I have to leave for work in the morning. Now, with all of that context, here’s what’s going on. Since the entire incident happened I have been trying to figure out a way to leave. I have looked into campus housing but it’s an additional $7000 per semester that I don’t think I can afford even if I take out student loans and do FAFSA. I’m scared of the position. It’ll put me in when it comes to going to school. I do have another choice though. I recently toured an apartment complex that is beautiful it’s my dream place and the rent is less than $1500 a month. The only problem is that I only currently make being part time 12 to 1300 a month I just got a raise to $18 an hour but even then that’s not gonna be enough to cover it if I’m going to school at the same time, I’ve looked into some options and FAFSA and loans wouldn’t be able to cover any of my housing outside of living on campus. The only problem with living on campus is I can’t make the morning drive less than an hour and a half to work and I’m afraid with how it all affect my schedule and will to study. I was honestly giving up the idea of moving out at all because it seems so impractical and there was no way that I could actually leave and take my stuff with me without a fight. However, I recently learned that my parents tomorrow are leaving on a five day vacation to Vegas with Little to no thought of how that affects me and the position that I’m in with my brother, if I can figure out a way to somehow be able to afford the rent for this place afford a car to get to work because we have really bad public transportation in my area then I think I would just drop out of school and go. I love optometry more than anything and that’s why I was willing to deal with all of this but maybe school just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t want to give it up but I don’t think that I’ll make it out of here alive, in all honesty. I can’t keep up with everything it’s ruining my life and I’m only 20 years old. But it’s so scary that I don’t know if I can even take the steps to moving out. I just paid tuition for the spring summer semester and have only $500 to my name. I would need to take out a loan to be able to put down the down payment for the car and the apartment and what if I don’t get approved? What if my work doesn’t give me full-time? what am I gonna do then? I don’t have anybody in my life that could help me. I also have a big family that would all be on their side and agree with them and what if I leave and they come back and cause a scene that causes me to lose my job? They would 100% do that. I know for some people it’s a no brainer but put yourself in my shoes. I have no money, family, friends, or support. At least here I have car and my room and sometimes they’re tolerable. I would only have to do it for 1-2(?) more years. On the other hand, this place is destroying me. I hate who I am becoming because of it. Would it be worth giving up my future for getting my dreams or moving out? If you read all of this you’re amazing, thank you so much. I can only stare at a pros and cons list for so long 🙃

There's a lot of chatter over OTCs uplisting, Canadian companies acquiring MSOs such as SNDL, CGC, and now TRLY with their recent dilution aimed at expansion, but there has been no talk about a company with one of the best big tobacco backers in the game. Enter Cronos Group.
Altria, $MO, the 80 billion dollar tobacco giant, purchased 45 percent of Cronos in 2019.
https://investor.altria.com/press-releases/news-details/2019/Altria-Becomes-Largest-Shareholder-in-Cronos-Group-a-Leading-Global-Cannabinoid-Company/default.aspx
They purchased this portion of Cronos at a much higher valuation than it currently sits, buy they remain very invested in Cronos, looking to expand it into a strong US player. In their 2023 investor presentation, they mention on slide two that turning Cronos into a strong US contender is a high priority. What they've been waiting on is federal changes. Well, here we are now.
Last year, there rumors that Cronos was looking to sell the company to Curaleaf.
https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/altria-backed-cannabis-producer-cronos-explores-sale-sources-2023-07-06/
Although that didn't manifest, it is interesting for a number of reasons.
A) Cronos is sitting on a ton of cash they got from the Altria deal. They have more cash on hand than anyone in the cannabis sector. Over 800 million dollars.
B) with that cash, Cronos has the ability to strengthen the balance sheet of any player that absorbs them.
C) This part is HUGE: Altria's deal with Cronos gives Cronos exclusive rights to Altria's expansion in the cannabis sector. Altria cannot do anything cannabis related without going through Cronos.
If Curaleaf, or another big player, for example, wanted to do business with Altria, they would have to acquire Cronos.
So I see a few different scenarios possibly playing out here.

1. Altria aggressively builds up Cronos without adding to their current share position. They already own over 40 percent, so it benefits them greatly if Cromos expands in a strong way in the US. Cronos has a ton of cash to acquire MSOs and with Altria's guidance they will become a major player. I could even see a reverse merger where Pharmacann merges with Cronos to become one entity. Cronos purchased a 10 percent stake in Pharmacann a while back and Pharmacann has put off their IPO plans for a couple of years now. I would also look out for some sort of transaction including Gotham Green Partners considering they have the CEO of Gotham on their board.
   
2. Altria decides to just buyout the rest of Cronos. This could be a cash deal or stock exchange. It would certainly be at a higher marketcap valuation than it currently sits. This would be great for anyone holding CRON shares and great for MO investors long term.
   
3. A company like Curaleaf decides to acquire Cronos to obtain the ability to work with Altria. This would have to be a stock deal and would be dilutive to the larger company, but they do it to acquire the cash reserves to fix their balance sheet and to work with Altria.
   
4. Scenario 3 happens and then in addition, $MO buys out the entire new entity.
   

There is going to be a lot of M&A in this sector in the company months and years. Big players have been waiting on rescheduling news to make their moves. The next few months the first few dominos wil probably fall.
All in all, Cronos somehow convinced a big tobacco company to give them an exclusive deal. This was a bad move on Altria's part. they either need to buy their way out of this or have another player buy their way out, or they need to help rapidly expand Cronos to turn it into a thriving business instead of a giant pile of cash company. No matter what, I believe there is an arbitrage here for people investing in the stock.
There is also a ton of incentive for Altria or Curaleaf to buy them out ASAP, as the cannabis sector is going to have richer premiums by the month now.
I am long $cron and I'm not a financial advisor.

I think I hit a new low in my ventures with Weed, yesterday night I took a deep hit of a kart at a movie theater. The kart is 80 percent pure thc sativa hybrid. Feeling the tightness in my throat from the weed I held in my cough to Try not to attract attention.
I could feel my muscles relax for a second then suddenly the sounds of the movie expanded and kept growing, I could suddenly feel the sound coming out of the speakers this feeling as very intense almost like that’s all I could hear, my awareness shifted to everything everywhere at once, time slowed way down, my body felt incredibly light like if I was floating I started to loose sense of reality and who I was or where I was. At this point I stare at my girlfriend and just get up and leave my chair, walking out of the theater seemed like an eternity, I could barely feel myself walking or even if I was walking properly at all. As I open the last door I manage to get out. All I was focused on was walking to my car. At this point my heart rate was at an all time high about 200 bpm it felt like. I reach the door to my car and get in. Everything was so intense my thoughts were loud sounds were extremely loud and would acoustically reverb ever so slightly. I tried calming myself down but it just got worse, My heart rate just kept beating fast I thought and felt like I was going to die there was a moment were I thought I died it felt so fake and real at the same time. I ended up praying at this point and finally started to calm down I rolled down the windows but then suddenly my mouth felt extremely dry and thirsty like I’ve never experienced before it was such an intense thirst. So I look down and grab my coffee and drink that which helped for a bit but it just got worse after that. I started feeling nauseous after that so I texted my girlfriend to come back to the car which she did eventually and started to comfort me. At this point the intensity was past its peak but it’s been staying almost constant and with no intention of slowing down. So I drink water and lay down. Closing my eyes would make me nauseous so I ended up vomating extremely bad several times out the door. Almost chocked on my own vomit it was disgusting, this did help me sober up and the high at this point was wearing off but the physical and physiological effects were still there.
This was by far the most intense high I’ve ever experienced and it’s a nightmare I honestly in that moment wish I was dead because I think dying feels better than whatever the fuck that was. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy never.
If anyone now’s why and how this is caused and if it is dp/dr then please feel free and comment thanks!

Edit: I'm sorry if this is a lot I'm not in the best headspace but I genuinely want help it's not right, she lies and paints such a horrible picture of what happened to my brother. She said "cry about it" when our mom died, AND TO ME TODAY WHEN I BROUGHT UP HIS SUICIDE
Because my brother is gone and she lies to a large number of people who believe her on whim. I don't know where to start. I'm hurt very badly. My brother had an ex gf who we will name Gissy. Gissy met him here online and has forged a long distance relationship with him spanning 4 months. As his older sister I advised its a bad idea. They met through a sexual subreddit, and she was a famous and beautiful woman claiming to be a virgin. Immediately I see red flags and think okay, catfish. But no, this reddit account has a DIRECT LINK to her tiktok, with MORE LINKS to her IG and personal Discord. Why would a catfish do that? Fuck if I know. She'll still lie not only to him. To me, her Tiktok fans, her IG fans, and to ALL OTHER GUYS ON HER IG SHE DID THIS TO. The only thing is, my brother suffered the most.
She began twisting his words to make it seem unfair everything he got upset at. She abused his love for her that despite being rushed, I could tell he was at least sincere. He would cry for her, listen to her stories, would believe her not because he wanted to, but because he had to. She denied to the very very end and began twisting stories to make it seem like she never cheated at all.
On new years eve our mother died. She had been cheating for months on him, and despite JUST finding the proof, Giselle cheated on him THE. SAME. MORNING. AFTER OUR MOM DIED. SHE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT IT, AND COULDNT WAIT TO CHEAT ANYWAY. HAPPY NEW YEARS TO MY BROTHER. I'm sorry I'm livid and crying as I type.
She lied and said she dumped him BEFORE and started eeing other people. But it's a LIE, I have her texting him BEGGING for a chance back and only admitted to "technically" not cheating on him, BECAUSE SHE NEVER CAME BACK TO TALK ABOUT IT AFTER LIKE SHE PROMISED HIM. My brother who we can call R, sometimes waited WEEKS TO HEAR FROM HIS OWN LDR GF. NO NOTICE OR ANYTHING. SHE WAS CHEATING THE WHOLE TIME WHILE HE WAS WORRIED SHE HAD A SURGERY. SHE CHEATED AND IGNORED HIM UP UNTIL CHRISTMAS DAY.
Not only that, she let other men insult my brother so horribly and my brother had to spell it out to her HARD AND MEAN until she finally understood they only want her body, when they flipped out on her saying she's not single anymore. FOR A VIRGIN WITH THAT MANY DUDES AFTER HER I DOUBT SHE WAS EVER A VIRGIN AT ALL.
EDIT 2: PART I THINK IS ILLEGAL; SHE LIED ON TIKTIK ABOUT EVER KNOWING HIM AND DIRECTLY LIED SAYING HE WAS CATFISHED, BUT SHORTLY AFTER ALWAYS WOULD APOLOGIZE TO HIM AND SAID SHES REAL, YOU WERENT CATFISHED, ETC. SHE JUST JUSTIFIES IT AND IGNORED THE PART, WHERE HER FANS HARASS MY BROTHER IN COMMENTS AND DM'S FOR "GISSY" BECAUEE THEY THINK HE IS A LIAR TRYING TO CAUSE DRAMA. WHEN IN REALITY HE WAS TRYING TO CONTACT HIS GF WHO LIED AND CHEATED CONSTANTLYYYYY. I HAVE A FEELING SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ASSISTED SUICIDE. I KNOW ITS A BIG CLAIM, BUT SHE CHISE TO CHEAT THE DAY OUR MOM DIED, ABSOLUTELY DISRESPECTED HIM THE WAY SHE DUMPED HIM TO GET AWAY WITH IT, LIED ABOUT EVER KNOWING HIM, THEN DEFACED HIS NAME ON TIKTOK SAYING HES JUST SOME DUDE THAT GOT CATFISHED AND TO "CRY ABOUT IT" THAT OUR MOM DIED, AND THAT MY BROTHER IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HER. SHE CONTINUED TO TEXT MY BROTHER TO BREADCRUMB HIM AND BEGG FOR HIM BACK. WHEN IT DIDNT WORK SHE THREATENED ME, AND HE DOVE OFF A BRIDGE INTO THE FRENCH RIVER. ONLY 25 AND SHES BASICALLY CERIEAL CHEATED WITH MANY DIFFERENT GUYS ONLINE, CHEATED ON THEM TOO, LIED ABOUT CHEATING, BROKE UP TO AVOID CONSEQUENCES, ADMITRED TO LYING AND CHEATING. THEN SHE REPEATS THIS CYCLE OF KYING AND AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITY LIKE SHE NEVER KNEW HIM. I HAVE MESSAGES FROM HER NUMBER BUT IT COULD BE AN APP, I NEED A LEGAL WAY TO OBTAIN HER IP ADDRESS OR EXPOSE HER. IM CRYING IM ANGRY I WANT REVENGE DAMMIT.
I'm not gonna try my best get into the specific details, but after our mom passed on she started messaging him a month later. And he failed to jump off a bridge the second successfully the first time and he did it a second and never told me he was feeling that way. I'm so fucking lost without them my mom and brother are gone and she got away with it completely by lying.
She lies to a lot of people on tiktok and IG and I have only so much situational proof. If need her IP address or Metadata and I'm not a tech Wizz. She lies to many guys about having multiple accounts and discards each one effortlessly by claiming they're "catfished" but I have seen the messages my brother would show me. Even with the guys on her private IG she would lie to them too saying she's not seeing my anyone and wants phone sex the whole time.
He even saw proof of this blatantly on a Screensaver discord call I WAS WATCHING AND I SAW THE MESSAGES GDI. I NEED HELP WITH GETTING PROOF. I'm exhausted my brother passed in March. My mom in January. I'm so tired. She got away with it. I fucking lose. I just wanted revenge or justice for my brother. I don't know what to do anymore I'm falling apart I'm so angry

Posting from a throwaway account (that's what it's called, right? I'm new here) because, you know, I'm anxious and all that. Also I’m not a native English speaker but I’m learning.
I want to say that you are all awesome here. I read the posts and comments and my heart rejoices, and it brings peace to my life.
So, let's get down to business. To be honest, I want to speak out and not keep it to myself – and get advice from those who have gone through smth like this. So this will be a story about my feelings. No, there will be like a lot of my story and then my current feelings. Oh, and kind of a disclaimer: I don’t currently consider myself transgender, but rather non-binary queer or something like that. It doesn't help me cry less.
I’m 28, AMAB. At this point in my life, I think there are too many stereotypes in my head. Like... I grew up in not the worst family, I would even say, with good liberal (regarding the country) attitudes. My mother, despite her humanity, is a very... heteronormative woman, and my father, well, he's a priest. Good priest, shitty person. My mom left him with my younger sibling after ongoing abuse (in fact, I persuaded her then), and I, as a teenager, out of pity for him, stayed with him. For a long time she didn’t want to ruin her family and all that, and her role was to stay at home and stuff like that. I believe that all this is the main reason that I have hypertrophied coping mechanisms – I perfectly escape from problems, either by physically running away, or by instantly forgetting and ignoring everything bad. At the same time, I am very easy to gaslight - I default to believing that my memories are false, and everyone around me knows better.
So my idea of the past is fragmentary. In my early childhood I liked everything feminine, but... for example, quite recently I remembered how in my early childhood I wanted to dance. My mother took me to classes, but after a couple of them, my father forced me to take the hated martial arts class instead. And as long as I can remember, I hated my masculine body – as an early teenager, I threw tantrums just to avoid wearing shorts, tshirts, sandals – baggy stuff and that's it. And don't you dare force me to cut my hair (they forced me, I cried a lot. Well, I shaved my head once in high school just to try... my gorgeous hair almost quickly grew back below my shoulders). In high school I acted gay, pretending it was some kind of joke. Well, you know, it’s also a defense mechanism: if I act gay as a joke, then obviously it’s just a joke, right? And I seriously thought about the transition, but I didn’t know how much I really wanted it - a very mild version of the anxieties that began for me later.
Right after school I met a girl, slept with her and got married a year later. It’s stupid, but now I think that this is also a christian stereotype deeply drilled into my head: get laid = get married. I loved her, we explored our sexuality a little, we had a couple of boys, for example. She always had a tough character, and I was just soft and flexible enough to compensate for this: she decided everything in the family and so on. I've been told that this resembles patterns in my family in an interesting way.
(there were a couple of paragraphs of quite an interesting story about my spouse here, but I decided that this was not relevant, unless you consider my fucked psyche in general as a matter).
So we stopped having sex because she didn't enjoy it in her medical condition and my ethics naturally say that it would be violence, even if she first tried to "fulfill her marital duty" or something. About a year later, I almost accidentally took her to the hospital and she never forgave me for that, although she admits that she would have died in a couple of days otherwise.
When she left the hospital, I had more time for soul-searching. I shared my feelings with her, but received a not very pleasant answer: “if you want to play woman, play, I don’t care” (she actually used a derogatory word for woman that I can’t translate) and, you know, that wasn’t motivating at all. Ultimately, one New year I decided that my plans for the next year were to sort out my gender issues. And soon after that I quit my job, my apartment, and everything and left the country. Coincidentally. Let's just say that I'm not exactly liable for military service, but there are risks. She, of course, refused to go with me: by that time she already had a job and she is hardcore workaholic as I said. Living in exile had a rather positive effect on me: I had many new problems, but first of all, I began to sort out my head a little. For example, I came to the conclusion that when someone sticks a knife deep into my leg because I didn’t respond quickly enough at dinner, it’s not entirely good. And I explored the concept of non-binary, which I really enjoyed, but because I speak a grammatically gendered language, they/them pronouns felt weird and inconsistent, even though it was about half as good as being addressed as she/her. I cried a lot.
After some tossing and turning, rivers of alcohol, a couple of hundred falls into love, it suddenly turned out that I had a mutual crush with one of my pen pals. And everything started to turn around. She came to my new country for the weekend and brought with her an epilator for me. It was terrible, painful, unpleasant, I hated my body, but I felt happy that someone accepted me and my feelings. I had sex for the first time in almost a decade and it wasn't even disgusting (for some time I was disgusted by everything sexual, even thinking about cutting off my genitals). She moved in with me completely, I introduced her to my mother when they were in the same country, I feel happy and accepted. Actually, I really lacked acceptance... and I still can’t accept myself. My girlfriend is a wonderful post-gender person, like, she's definitely cishetero (and I'll have some problems with that, of course, but we'll work with it), but she gives zero fucks about gender stereotypes so much that I would fall in love with her for that alone. And then I realize that I can’t be like that. I would like to. But all these things are important to me, like, excuse me, I love the pink color. Here, in principle, the story ends, although I must also say that I now live in a very conservative country, which I like, but this makes things much more complicated.
And to my feelings. There will be a confusing composition here, because it, well, worries me, and I cannot calmly assess in what order it is better to describe it.
There are fucking stereotypes and double standards in my head. I try... let's say, my criteria for other girls: she is more comfortable that she is a girl. That's all. It doesn't matter what size her beard is and so on. I consciously, since I was a teenager, nurtured such an attitude in myself, to be inclusive, ethical and so on. Almost always I manage to stay within it (and I am very ashamed, but not always. When a transgirl I knew on the Internet came to visit me and my first spouse (to sort out the documents in my city), my spouse scolded me for behaving strangely - although initially she had a worse attitude towards the idea and talked about “a peasant in a skirt”, but in the end she treated her as an individual, and I... well, if it was noticeable, then I probably treated her based on the fact that she is amab). But anyway, for other people, I think a girl is when you call yourself a girl. For myself, I believe that I will never, never, never ever be able to become a real girl. From background and upbringing to the shape of the legs and everything. Never. Ever. Never. I can't because I'm not real. I think this might be internalized transphobia?
I want - visually, socially and sexually - to be a girl. But I don't believe that I will succeed. Okay, I didn’t believe it until last year, when I got a special one that believed in me, and this was passed on to me. I feel great in the clothes she chooses for me, and she says that she has never seen me so happy.
But I'm anxious and afraid of everything. I can’t imagine transition process in this society (and I couldn’t imagine it in the previous one either), I have enough homophobia here, and transphobia is even worse. And about the feeling that I’m not a real girl, I have a huge set of fears. What if I’m simply disgusted by male stereotypes and therefore replace them with female ones? What if it's just a sexual fetish? What if, what if.... some of them contradict each other, but that doesn't help. And vice versa: what if I’m a real girl, I’m just too afraid of the transition and therefore I’m making it all up? And every one of these thoughts makes me cry and everything.
And about pronounces: I mentioned that she/her is the most pleasant to me, but from time to time I start to feel like an impostor from this, so the usual, almost not painful he/him returns back to all communication.
I tried working with a psychologist about all of this, and it helped me a lot to relieve the hellish anxiety, but it doesn't really help anymore. I don’t have the money for this, and I don’t really believe that a psychologist or psychiatrist will help me. And I have absolutely no strength to do anything myself, it’s easier for me to ignore it, just like I never look in mirrors - it’s easier than trying to do something about my disgusting appearance (in fact, no, my girlfriend helps a lot with compliments and she's really fascinated by the way I look... but again, that doesn't really help me. It's SO much easier to just not shave, for example. I already look terrible, why remind myself of this in pathetic attempts to fix it, which are doomed to failure and only take up time that can be devoted to avoiding reality?). And when I’ll have money for a psychiatrist - this is after I’ll have money for physical health - first of all it will be to fight depression, not to mention the fact that I doubt that I will find a specialist in gender issues in this country.
I'm not sure, but I guess I'm writing this in hopes that someone has had a similar experience and can give me some ideas on what I can do to feel like a better person and less of a crap. On the other hand, as far as I understand myself, I have virtually no energy to do anything, so while I would be very happy with practical advice, I expect that I will simply be happy about how wonderful people are around me, and I’ll do nothing because I don't do anything.

Remote worker here! I'm a bit paranoid about these 360 reviews because, the last time I was honest, in a professional way, about how management and systems needed improvement, I was the only one laid off in a "company layoff" 2 weeks later. It was an "anonymous" survey too (clearly not anonymous). This was a few years ago.
Since then, in my new company, I've skipped the reviews or just lied and made something up that was so minor no one could be upset.
But the thing is, I really want to work to improve the organisation because, being an operations professional, that is literally what I'm here to do. For example, after 1.5years I'm definitely noticing that my manager does not have human people skills and that they tend to just answer a question/do the work when you ask for help instead of teaching, showing, explaining. Which means I'm unable to make key decisions because I quite simply don't know how things work beyond the surface. They hired me for API and systems work and I've just been answering emails as a result. How can I implement changes in systems when I don't even know how current automations run? I'd LOVE to communicate this and work with my manager on it because I think it would benefit all teams in the company and lead all departments to make better decisions. We're a very cross-departmental team. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the company I work for and my job is somewhat-fulfilling. I really, honestly, want to improve things and not just complain for selfish reasons.
Does anyone have suggestions on the best way to frame this type of feedback in a remote environment? I feel extra scrutinized in remote work but it is entirely possible it's due to my experience a few years ago. Regardless, knowledge brings confidence so I'm interested in what you do with your manager and how managers appreciate receiving feedback. Thank you!

When Quicktalon finally woke up, his heart leaped to his throat as he noticed that the sun was beginning to set. A gruff voice chuckled to his alarm before he could act on his sudden panic, “Sit down, you crazy ostrich. You’re fine. Achira has been taken care of, the fire lit, and your dinner is near the fire to keep warm.” Quicktalon froze at the new voice, slowly turning towards the owner of this new visitor, but his eyes seemed to have been playing tricks on him. His brother Fleet was nearby and changing his sister’s bandages.
“Fleet?” he asked softly, his eyes still wide at seeing his battle-scarred brother. “H-how are you here?! The search party for the missing Drakes and Dragons left months ago!” he exclaimed, a grin growing as happy tears began to warm his eyes. It had been far too long since he had last seen his brother. “Well, we were on our way back from the most northern searches, and we found a few traces of what could have happened, but we need to send out another search party after we Rest and replenish our supplies. But I have heard the great news!” Fleet said as he hugged his brother, “ I’m so proud of you!” He exclaimed, pulling his brother into a hug, “I can’t believe you’ve grown so much from that little drake who never left our grandmother's side and always got into scrapes from running too fast.” He laughed softly.
Quicktalon chuckled at his brother’s lighthearted jesting, “ Grandmother always made healing fun and exciting, and I wanted to be able to follow in her talon steps and help those who helped us when we were little drakelings.” He said with a smile, “But now, I have a chance to truly save dragonkind from this dangerous threat, hopefully with getting this information out to the world and traveling to Scholar’s Whispering Peak, I can also get more information on what happened to our Grandmother and hopefully what had happened to our parents all those years ago.”
A smile ghosted Fleet's lips. He knew that something had happened to his grandmother; they had the signs and were Grandmother her. But the more his troop searched, and the more evidence was uncovered, the more serious this strange tail became. He hadn’t mentioned it yet to their pack leader. Still, Drakes across the savanna were going missing, some dragons and even the notoriously hidden Arctic dragons.
Dozens of Dragons of all kinds were going missing. The Sea Orcs were the only ones who witnessed this strange occurrence. They were too big for anything to happen to them, but the cause of the disappearing dragons needed to be uncovered and solved before the giant sea dragons began to disappear. But Fleet couldn’t ruin his brother’s excitement and joy over this. So, for now, he kept quiet and continued praising his brother for his magnificent discovery.
“I need to start getting ready. I’ve got a big trip ahead of me. I need to pack plenty of supplies and ensure I have enough to trade for a thick fur cover to protect me from the freezing temperatures at the summit of the Scholars Whispering Peak.” Quicktalon said, “I can’t wait to be able to spend more time with you and Achira as soon as she fully recovers from the effects of the viper.” He explained with a soft chuckle, “ but I will be back soon, hopefully before winter settles over the lands, which, with it being the middle of New Life, I should have time to make it to the coast and get assistance through the ocean and onto the nearest coastline on the other side.”
Fleet looked concerned at the plan his brother had just explained. " Are you sure that is safe? I’ve met traveling Sea Orcs and been told how long and perilous a journey across the sea can be for Drakes and Dragons of our size!” Fleet explained fear etched deep into his face as he couldn’t imagine his little brother in the middle of a raging and violent sea. “ It would be better to travel on land. You’d get there much safer and without the risk of your research getting ruined from the sea's moisture.”
Quicktalon took a moment to consider. Is a trip like that more manageable? Would it be safer to traverse land rather than sea? “Are there any maps I can get? Can you help me figure out a quick and safe journey from our home to the Scholars Whispering Peak? If the sea is too dangerous, I will need to figure out a different way to get to the scholars and hopefully get there before the snow season starts.” He said, “Do you know if the pack to our North sells maps of the continent and trade routes I could follow?” He asked while moving to a chest with chunks of gold and jewels he could trade for a map. He even wrote quick instructions for effectively healing and removing the venom from the bite of an Orid Viper. Fleet watched as his brother gathered enough items for trade; each pack had different trade requirements depending on the situation and status.
“Do you remember what they ask for trade?” Quicktalon asked as he set his collected gems and precious metals into a small side pouch strapped to his front right upper forearm. Fleet thought momentarily and tried to remember when his troop had last passed through the pack to the North. “ I believe they take both jewels and food, so we might want to stop and catch something for them to eat on our way over to the North Pack,” Fleet said as he sharpened his dull talons on a nearby rock, “ a water buffalo perhaps would be a good trade-off.” He said, “with the upcoming heat wave, they might appreciate more food for their youngins.”
“Then it's settled. Let's head to the North Pack and trade for a map for a trade route to Scholars Whispering Peak.” Quicktalon said, ensuring his research was set somewhere safe and out of the way of any potential spills or papyrus-eating worms. “Let’s go. The hottest part of the day is over for now, and the animals should be coming back from mid-day hibernation so we can snag a water buffalo on the way to them,” Quicktalon said while moving to give his sister healing wound a quick check-over. Once everything was in good shape, Quicktalon and Fleet left the medical hut. They began their journey to the North Pack and hopefully snagged a water buffalo on the way toward their destination.
Both brothers carefully left the medical hut and began looking around Earthquake to tell him where they were heading and their plan for QuickTalon to get to the Scholars Whispering peaks before winter hit. It wasn’t too hard to find the elder drake, as he was once again leading the younger drakes in battle practice for the potential war that seemed to be whispering on the horizon. “WATCH YOUR TALONS! FOR MOTHER DRAKE’S SAKE HEATSTROKE, DUCK! USE YOUR FIRE!” Earthquake shouted, drilling the almost grown drakes in new and much faster battle techniques. “Things must be getting worse if Earthquake is so worried about what’s been happening. It worries me.” Fleet murmured to QuickTalon, fear and worry evident on his face as he watched the young drakes practice their battle maneuvers as if they were currently fighting the actual enemy.
The mock battle went on for what felt like an eternity before Earthquake called for the young drakes to take a break and get a drink of water. “ Freshen up! Get a drink and take a moment to breathe! You must keep practicing if we ever need to go to war against this new and unknown enemy!” He commanded while walking over to see what QuickTalon and Fleet wanted to discuss. “ Welcome back, Fleet, and I’m happy to see that your search troop all came back with no casualties.” He said in greeting, “But what can I do for you both? I can see that there is something you both wish to tell me.” He said while peering down his snout at the younger of the group, “We plan to head to the northern pack and trade something of value for a trade route map to the Scholars Whispering Peaks. The initial route is dangerous, and the humid air could ruin my research.” QuickTalon explained, “With the scorching season rolling in, we thought bringing a water buffalo to trade for a map would be helpful.”
Earthquake seemed impressed by the current plan, “ while that is a good idea, the Northern Pack have been plagued recently by attacks from humans, or at least what seems to be left of that species; if you want to help, I’m sure food, water and medical attention will benefit them most.” He explained, “ but you both have my permission to go to the Northern Pack, just come back here, and I’ll help get you an assistant to stand in your place as a healer until your return.” Earthquake said, a smile gently ghosting across his snout, “now go on little ones, the sun is getting ready to set, and the water buffalo will be out to graze and drink at the nearby watering holes.” “Yes, sir, we will be back within three days,” QuickTalon said with a nod as he and his brother were dismissed and permitted to head off toward the Northern Pack.
With the dry dirt and plants crunching under their talons, QuickTalon turned and followed Fleet toward the Northern pack. “If humans are attacking them, what should we do if we see one?” QuickTalon asked after a long pause in the conversation, “Well,” Fleet started as if trying to recall a memory, “ my commander said that if you see a human, to kill on sight. While most humans are not dangerous to us as adults, they still threaten our young and elderly.” He explained, “Although I have yet to see a human, I have heard conflicting reports and statements about humans. Some are nice and have been seen helping others and the environment we live in, and some are on constant paths of destruction, burning, and taking like the worst of us dragons. Filled with greed and the never-ending satisfaction that they will never have enough stuff to put into their horde, they kill everything on their path to get what they want.”
QuickTalon’s eyes widened in both fascination and absolute horror at what he was hearing, and he had never realized that something so small and without fire or claws or just something to defend itself could be so destructive. “ But, is there a way to tell which ones are good and bad? Surely all of them can’t be rotten, can they?” He asked, jumping in fright when a breaking twig cracked nearby. “I’m sure there is, but for now, we’ve been told to just kill on sight.” He said softly, “ I know you want to help save the world, but you must remember, QuickTalon, that not everyone can or wants to be saved. You will need to know when to save yourself, and don’t let those who want to drown pull you under with them.” He said, eyes staring off into the distance, seeming to be looking at or hearing something out in the distance that only he could see. Quicktalon wasn’t sure how to respond to his brother’s worries. He was worried that his brother might know something more about this dangerous situation than he did, but he knew that he needed to keep his head clear and his eyes forward during this difficult time. “Brother, I know you are worried and want to find Grandmother, but spiraling off into the unknowns and the shadows will not help us find her. I believe in you and the others, but you need to take a breath and remind yourself where you are and your focus.” Quicktalon said, listening intensely to his surroundings while following his brother North. “ We will find Grandmother and the other missing Drakes, but for now, we need to rest our worried minds to start with a clean slate in the morning. If we let our brains become muddled, we could miss important details. So for now, let's just rest our heads and worry about finding a water buffalo and getting a map.”
Fleet sighed deeply, “You’re right, brother. Worrying about all the what-ifs has been muddling my mind. I’ve been so stressed over all of the potential possibilities I have lost the main focus of my mission. To bring the lost and the missing home.” He said, shaking his head ever so slightly as if trying to clear his head from the dark thoughts that had muddled his brain for many years. “ But I agree, let us get that water buffalo and trade for the map. Once we return and rest, my troop and I will follow you to the first trading post and head toward the North. Perhaps we might meet again on your journey.” Fleet hummed softly before snapping his gaze towards the direction of something he had heard. “Shh, I hear something!” He whispered while dropping into a low crouch and moving almost silently through the tall brush and grass toward the sound he had heard.
Quicktalon did the same and followed his brothers' movements. The grass hissed and crunched softly under their talons as they approached the top of a small hill. With careful movements, the brothers peered over the hill. The water buffalo migration had begun, and thousands of bison were resting around the large pond. “ The migration.” Quicktalon murmured, “Would it hurt if we managed to grab a few bison for the Northern pack?” He asked, “ I don’t know how many drakes are in the Northern Pack, but with the hot season approaching, maybe it would help to bring them a few bison to preserve before the migration leaves?” He asked if he knew they needed to preserve the circle of life, but he had no idea what the status of this other pack could be since it had been at least forty years since he had last seen the pack at the semi-annual Drake packs meet-up.
“Perhaps, although I don’t want to end up overwhelming the Northern pack with food. But I agree, with the scorching season approaching, packs will need as much food as possible.” Fleet murmured while slowly dropping into a hunter's crouch, “ I will go for the two deep in the water. You grab the one heading out.” He instructed, to which Quicktalon agreed. He adjusted his satchel and ensured his research was safe before waiting for his brother's signal. With a hiss, Fleet shot over the hill, running as fast as he found towards the two water buffalo in the water. Grunts, groans, and high-pitched bellows filled the air as the water buffalo panicked and ran away from the large drakes.
Thunderous hooves and cries filled the air as the buffalo pushed and shoved into each other while fighting to escape the predators. Quicktalon narrowed his eyes, planted all four talons to the ground, and lunged at the water buffalo. The bison bellowed in fear and swung its head, trying to gore Quicktalon with its horns, but with a sharp turn of his body, he narrowly managed to avoid the deadly horn and sink his teeth into the back of the buffalo’s neck. The buffalo’s wails increased before being silenced with a loud crack, its body falling limp in Quicktalon’s jaws and its head rolling loosely. Loud splashing drew the younger drakes' attention; the second water buffalo ganged up on his brother. With a roar of anger, Quicktalon dropped his fresh kill and thundered through the water toward the second buffalo. The second buffalo barely had time to react before Quicktalon threw himself on the bison’s back and began pulling on its horns to steer it away from his brother.
The bison bellowed angrily and bucked as hard as possible, trying to throw the younger drake off. But Quicktalon held on tight, and with an angry snarl, he gripped the horns tightly in his talons, and with a harsh twist and a loud snap, the bison’s neck was broken. The bison collapsed into the water with a splash. Quicktalon was breathing hard as he tried to catch his breath after such a stressful moment. Fleet growled as he finally managed to take down his water buffalo, “ Fleet, are you okay?” Quicktalon asked, moving through the water, the muddled water sloshing around his talons.
“ I—I’m okay, I just… need to catch my breath.” Fleet panted as he caught his breath. I don’t know why that was so difficult. It shouldn’t have been.” He panted while pushing himself up and moving to collect the two limp water bison. “Let’s get these to the North Pack. We are almost there.” He said while letting Quicktalon assist him with lifting the two freshly killed bison onto his back. “Alright, but as soon as you need to take a break, let me know,” Quicktalon said as he walked over to the water buffalo he killed and hoisted it onto his back.
Fleet nodded in agreement, and the two began the final leg of their trek toward the Northern pack. Crickets began to chirp and sing as the sun set, lighting the sky in a brilliant mixture of pinks, reds, and oranges. Quicktalon smiled, stared at the beautiful sky, and grew even more excited when the fireflies lit up and danced around the land. “ You’ve always enjoyed this time of year, haven’t you?” Fleet asked with a smile, “ I do. The beautiful sunsets, the lightning bugs, and the soft songs of crickets. It always brings me joy.” Quicktalon replied with a happy smile in return. “Whenever I am scared, I think of nights like this to help calm me down.” He explained with a soft chuckle, “Grandmother even painted me a painting of one of these nights. I still treasure that painting the most.” He said, reminiscing about when his grandmother gifted him the painting of his favorite sunset.
“We will find her, Quicktalon, I promise,” Fleet said as he gently shouldered his brother with a soft sigh. “ I know, Fleet, but I’m still worried. She vanished without a trace.” He said softly, shifting the weight of water buffalo on his back to accommodate for the extra weight. “ I believe you brother, but, I still cant’t believe that someone or something like this could have happened.” He murmured, “although I do hope that we can figure out what has happened and we can bring our grandmother home.” Quicktalon said as he tried to enjoy his favorite evening.
Fleet nodded, “ well, we are almost to the Northern Pack, hopefully they have something that can help.” He said, nodding his head towards the approaching lights in the distance, “ good, hopefully they can help.” Quicktalon sighed before a set of drakes in heavy armor thundered towards them, anger written on their faces. “HALT!” One of the guards roared. “W-whats going on?” Quicktalons asked, unsure of why the guards were so angry. “ Your grandmother and her pack of drakes destroyed our village!”

I need to preface this by saying that I am not interested in having a back-and-forth in the comment section. If you are interested in speaking with me, kindly message me in DMs.
I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
Age gap is not mandatory. Don't be put off contacting me if you are closer to my age.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to be a virgin.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings, or have undergone any kind of surgery that affects your reproductive organs (reassignment, colpocleisis, FGM, tubal ligation, etc). I am not a doctor, so I don't know every situation that could require surgery. If you've had to undergo surgery or medication because of circumstances beyond your control, please let me know; I'm willing to hear your side of things.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to defer to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

No matter what I do I cannot get over her. I can't even sleep anymore because I dream of her and it rips me to shreds. It's been over a year and all I want to do is see her, sleep together, cook together, laugh together like we used too. I even tried getting with someone new but I broke it off because all I did was think about my ex in every detail when I was with said new person. It didn't feel fair to her so we parted ways. I just don't know what to do and how to move forward, I've done everything from working all the hours I can so I'm too tired to stay up at night and wonder. I go to the gym to get my mind off it, nothing works. I just want to crawl back to her. I wanted to marry this woman and now I don't want anybody else, I don't care for anyone else. It's starting to get really hard to do anything anymore. What did i do to deserve this hurt? What hurts worse is I travel for work and I'm alone at all times. I just wish I could have her back, and I wish she knew how much I loved and adored her. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.