Rude emoticons for blackberry messenger

I'd assume most of you are in pcmasterrace or atleast know of it. But basically I got banned for posting this, and I think it's pretty stupid reason to get banned. But lmk ur thoughts (dunno where else to post. ps. I censored it so I don't get banned here as well pps. My alt acc also got banned because I warned people not to post about it, I used a censored version of the image.) Obviously I didn't intend harm, it's merely a joke. But oh well.

Basically, I randomly messaged someone on Messenger today because I was bored, and honestly I've been through a lot as of late and I'm just looking to make some new friends. This person however, was just continuously rude towards me, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt to start with as I was just a stranger, but as it went on, I just wanted to see how far she would go and if I'd finally manage to break through to her. Needless to day I was unsuccessful. I have posted a screen recording of the chat on my profile. Have a look and see for yourself, and comment either here or there your thoughts on what I did wrong or could have done better, and tell me if she was right in how she reacted. Thanks :) Have a great day/night or whatever it is where you are.

I moved to a new state with my husband about two months before he deployed. It has been very difficult making friends as I work from home. Even before deactivating my social media, it was very difficult making friends using social media group pages. He has been gone several months and while it hasn’t been easy, because I’m constantly alone, I thought it was going okay.
He emailed me last week, after going radio silent, telling me how much he is struggling and how unhappy he is. Shared that a lot of it is my fault. He doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to me and never will. To preface this, this happened after 5 days of no talking after a “fight”. I put it in quotes because I was genuinely trying to avoid a fight. We were talking on messenger. He was giving me one or two word answers to everything and I started getting frustrated. So I told him I was gonna let him go and to have a good night and I love him. He asked me what he did wrong and I told him nothing. He said I love you too and immediately logged off. I messaged him back explaining that it felt like I was trying to pull teeth talking to him and I know he is exhausted and stressed so instead of hurting my own feelings I would rather get offline. He never opened the message. I also sent him a screen shot about something funny his brother shared with me so he could get context about what I was asking and knew it wasn’t a big deal. But again, he never opened the message.
Five days later is when I received the aforementioned email; he was purposely ignoring me. He had promised me multiple times before that he wouldn’t do that sort of thing again (this was now the fourth time) and this one was by far the longest. I sometimes struggle knowing how to respond because when he shares that I’m upset about something, he gets the context completely wrong. For example, he thinks I get mad at him for talking to his family. That’s not true at all. I get upset that we get to talk for what seems to be a few hours online, and he’s not really participating in sharing anything. I have to ask questions, I get one or two word answers back and that’s it. I try not to push but sometimes I need the communication to feel connected. He doesn’t tell me he misses me, he doesn’t call me babe or honey (he used to) I know he is struggling, and I’m by no means saying I have it worse, but on the boat, he has explicitly told me that he doesn’t like anyone, he doesn’t trust anyone and he absolutely hates this command. I don’t really have any friends but my isolation is not quite self induced.
I responded to his email explaining my side of things, and apologizing for not creating a space for him to feel comfortable to talk to me. That’s literally all I’ve tried to do but he just seems to feel pressure when talking to me. I genuinely believe his stress, anxiety and lack of sleep are highly contributing to his emotional and mental distress. Add that he is in a combat zone and I’m sure its worse. He won’t tell me that though, usually just says he’s not at all worried or makes a really dumb joke about it.
I all but begged him to please let me know if all he needs is space, that I want to support him but the silence is torture to me. I have an anxious attachment style (he is avoidant) so I tend to think worst case scenario. So I requested that he please put my mind at ease that he’s not considering ending our marriage.
Three days later he sends me a very long email talking about how he is not looking forward to coming home, and isnt because we couldn’t get thru a deployment without fighting; that he wants to go to his childhood home to see his family. That we don’t want the same things. That I’m happy where we moved to and he is not. He only chose these orders and the last orders to be close to his family. He hates that I don’t get along with his family and that I don’t really want to move there when he retires.
Let me explain that he lives in a very tiny town where there isn’t even a grocery store. I literally would not have a career within an hour of his town. We had agreed that we could live an hour away, like one of his brothers does and it would still be close enough to his family. Also, his family has been quite rude to me. I have been mending fences with them for the sake of my husband. I don’t care where we live in the grand scheme of things, but I still need to have a job and his father and that side of the family very much abuse alcohol. They are also very ignorant and racist. My husband already struggles with over drinking. That’s not something I want to raise a family around as they can be verbally abusive when drunk, and you never know what’s going to trigger them. They have no goals nor aspirations in life, and that’s okay, but I do/ we did… I thought. My husbands goal is to retire from the service and go home. I was willing to go close (1-2 hours which he had agreed) to his home because I have a while before I can retire.
He proceeded to talk about how he was miserable with his ex wife and doesn’t want to spend six year with me, like he did with her, thinking marriage was supposed to be an unhappy union. That he stayed with her that long because he didn’t want it to fail; also because she convinced him things would get better. They never did, in fact I believe there was some infidelity on her side. He continued on about nonsense, like how he wants the mirrors in our house to stay but I wanted to change them and he has completely given up on having a say on how to update the house we bought. For the record, I left the mirrros the way he wanted. I picked paint colors I knew he would like.
Next, he mentioned how we had gotten in a fight right before moving and in haste, I told him to leave me there. he considered that we do end it then but we agreed to keep going because even though we struggle with communication, we do love each other and want to continue our marriage as overall we are pretty happy.
He ended the email explaining that he has not been happy for a while, has been struggling and while we work good together, he doesn’t believe we are right for each other. That I need to look within and figure out if I am happy in the relationship. That he doesn’t care about my answer but he is not at all happy.That he will never be able to communicate the way I want and he has made more changes for me, like attend couples counseling and anger management, than he ever would have for anyone else.
There are still a few months left to this deployment. I literally have no idea where that leaves me. I’m hurt as shit. I’m angry. I’m confused and frustrated. Not once on this deployment have I even mentioned splitting. Month two was the first time he mentioned divorce. We got past that hurdle and month three he mentioned that we should consider getting pregnant when he gets back. Then some stupid issue comes up and the cycle of being angry and fine continues. In fact, I all but beg him to not leave me when he has these outbursts. I feel stupid.
He is not one to ask for help. He clearly needs help but I have no idea what to do. It’s clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Just a warning, this is going to be very long! I (21F) and my brother (15M) were abandoned by our mother when I was 11 or 12.
For context, she was a teen mother, with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar, BPD, depression, i can only assume some form of sociopathic behavior), and she addicted to hard drugs. My father was a little rough around the edges, but overall a hardworking guy who went into the relationship with a "I can fix her" mentality. For the first few years of my life, I was oblivious to all of the issues going on in my family, I just enjoyed the first 5 years of my life as a happy child. My mother hid her drug addiction well enough for a 5 year old not to ask any questions, and I thought weekly screaming matches were normal and "mommies and daddies fight sometimes". Unbeknownst to me, my mother was cheating with dozens of people, and emotionally/financially/physically abusing my father, he put on a happy face to try and give me a good childhood. He worked 5am- 5pm at a bagel store (no car, only a bike) and never came home empty handed; always a toy, or a piece of candy for me as "sorry" for always being gone and working all day. I thought my mother would always bring her "friends" (men and women) in the house while dad was at work, and they would spend hours "playing" in her room with the door locked. I pretty much had to raise and take care of myself from the time I woke up to around 6pm, so I ended up becoming pretty smart by entertaining myself with my mom's fantasy novels (Harry potter, princess of mars, lord of the rings, etc.) On days she had college classes, our landlords (amazing people) would babysit me. My mother did give me affection, and I loved her very much, but she was very hands-off.
Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, I had ADHD, undiagnosed autism, among some other things.
When she got pregnant with my brother, (also adhd+autism) I noticed things started to change. My parents would fight more often, the house smelled like smoke, and the electricity to the apartment would be out for weeks because we couldn't pay the bills. Shortly after my brother was born, my parents had the hugest fight I've ever seen, I don't even remember what it was about (probably cheating), but it was the first time it hit me that everything in my life wasn't as happy as I thoughts. I sat clutching my baby brother as she beat my dad with a chair and started screaming. He grabbed a knife and ran outside and tried to end his life by stabbing his wrist. I was screaming and crying my landlords name, hoping my baby sitter would come and save me, he bolted downstairs, pried the door open, and grabbed the two of us and took us into his top floor of the apartment. He gave me some chocolate milk while him and his wife called the police. That was the day my parents split up, and my mom was able to spin the whole thing on my dad, taking custody and he was granted only visitation rights. My mother was kicked out of the apartment, and my aunt (dads sister, but my mother had taken a liking to her and allowed us to see her often) had a feeling something fishy was going on when no one would tell her anything about the details of that night. She went to my old house and asked my landlords what happened, they told her, so she let us sleep over with her whenever we wanted as a safe haven from our mom. She didn't go to court with any of the information she got, out of fear that my mother wouldn't let her see us again, because she was now our only place of complete safety.
My life became a living hell from that point onward. A week a later, my mom told us that her "new boyfriend"(probably a guy she cheated on dad with but I was like 7 and didn't know better) was letting us move in with him. He was the most horrible piece of shit. He got my mother addicted to even more drugs, and they both constantly talked badly about my dad, and when I cried, covered my ears, and said I didn't want to hear it, he would hit me and tell me that I needed to know. He was basically unemployed, and would sometimes sell drugs, or take antiques out of abandoned houses to sell. I hated him. My mother made an entire personality shift, and would defend him even if he said horrible things to me or hit me. She saw no fault in him. She stopped reading me bedtime stories, and stopped telling me she loved me. The only time she was nice to me was when we were in front of other people like school functions... she would kiss up to all my teachers.
I was left to take care of my baby brother on my own, and my father was in and out of mental hospitals from the trauma, so everything he said about how horrible my mother was fell of deaf ears because he was labeled "crazy".
We had no money, it was all spent on drugs, I went out by myself several times to dig through dumpsters just to get food, and I stole baby formula from supermarkets. This one nice homeless lady knew my situation, and would walk me into the stores "as my grandma" so I wouldnt get stopped to ask why a child was all alone. She would poke around the store and buy a $1 candy bar, while I stole formula, and some cold cuts for her. She showed me all the best dumpsters, where delis would throw put perfectly good food at the end of the day. We had an alliance of sorts. I was less than 9 years old.
Her boyfriend became sexually abusive to me around that time. I'll spare the details.
My mother was starting to go off the rails completely. Doing anything for drug money. I clearly remember the time that she told me to get naked and she took pictures of me, up close in all my private areas "to send to the doctor" or else "I would have to go in person and they might give me a shot" (she knew I hated needles.). She never mentioned that event again, but I just know she sent them to some pedophile for money. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. Her bf would try and hurt my brother, I would always step in and get beat instead. We saw our father and aunt maybe once a month, and I was threatened not to say anything to the school or my dad/aunt or else he would kill my mom. I said nothing. I told my aunt all the bruises were from bullies at school, my teachers were taking care of it... or that I was climbing trees, some excuse. I think she knew the truth, but was too scared of losing us to say anything. Everytime they went to drop us back off at our mom's, my brother would have a tantrum. He cried so much the blood vessels in his face would pop. He now at 15 has permanant, freckle like, spots of red on his face from crying so much so often.
She got pregnant again with his twin girls. She gave birth prematurely, and they came out very very sick. She gave birth at home... I was giving most of their care. After the "ohhhh new baby" feeling wore off for her, of course I was basically a mother of 3 at 10 years old. They didn't last long, less than a year. I was in complete despair and that was the first time i tried to end my life. I filled the bathtub and tried to drown myself by repeatedly hitting my head underwater in attempts to pass out under the water. It didn't work, and I was left with neck pain and a migraine that lasted 4 days. I attempted about 5 times, different methods, by this point I haven't been to school in a week. When I came back to school, the teachers noticed something was wrong. I kept looking off into space, detached. I would lash out and act aggressively when anyone would try and talk to me. I would have 2 hour "bathroom breaks" where I just stared at the wall inside the stall and acted rudely when anyone came to get me. What did they do? Not call CPS, of course, they sent me to a special school because of my "sudden behavior issues". I was in a class now with students I could not connect with in any way. I had no friends. All the other kids in my new class had severe learning disabilities and talking to my brother who was 6 years younger than me was more of a conversation. They couldn't read, most of them were almost non-verbal.
My mom broke up with her bf because he cheated, and we were going to lose the house. He still lived with us for a few days but stayed silent. My mother blamed me, saying that I ruined everything by being a bad child and now we were going to be homless. He tried to touch me one last time and I snapped and stabbed him deeply with a BBQ screwer, he just walked away. later that night he killed himself, I saw it. I'll never get that image out of my head.
I lost it, I had an outburst at school, crying and screaming that I wanted to kill myself and for God to just let me die. They sent me to a hospital, and the school called my mom to say I was having an outburst of psychosis. I spilled everything to the hospital about what her bf was doing to me (I couldnt bring myself to talk about my mothers abuses for some reason), and after a while, it was my dad who came to get me... apparently my mother had taken off, leaving my brother alone in the house after the school had called her. I had so many questions. But I was so happy to finally be able to live with my dad and his side of the family.
I was so traumatized, as well as neurodivergent, I acted strangely and dealt with some bullies at school but that was it, it was like heaven on earth. My father didn't even know the full scope of what went on, but the more I told him the more guilty he felt. He started spoiling us a bit out of guilt, so we were happy to be with a parent who loved us.
We never knew where she went. Until I was 18, and she reached out to me on social media. Initially I didn't want to answer. I left my DM sitting there for a few days but... I felt this unexplainable pull. I hated her all these years, but for some reason when the option to take her back into my life came up... something in me missed her. I kept thinking back to the few happy times, and the curiosity was killing me. I finally messaged back, my father told me not to, but he said he couldn't stop me, I at least deserved some answers, and to get all my pent up hatred out at her for some closure. We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, she told me that her father in West Virginia picked her up, she started a new life, joined narcotics anonymous, but stayed low and didn't let herself be known. She met a genuinely good man at NA, who had convinced her to right her wrongs, quit drugs, and fix her family. They had 2 kids together (one with down syndrome), and she was a present, active mother. I felt a vicious jealousy. Why would she go and have 2 more kids when she had 2 that she abandoned? Why were they treated with love and a loving home when we went through hell...? Why didn't she make it up to us before she went and had more kids..?
My mind did weird things then. It made me need her approval. I kissed up to her, saying I forgave her. That I always knew everything was always her ex bfs fault and not hers.That we were sad when she left. I planned a trip to see her a month later and her new family, my friends all begged me it was a bad idea, to please please not go, and at least to not tell my brother about it. I listened to them, and didnt tell my brother any of this, I told him I was visiting a long distance friend.
I went, we had a pretty good time. Her kids were cute, and I absolutely adored her new lover. He was a good southern man, my gut told me that. He took me fishing, and let me talk through all my feelings. I finally had the relationship with her that I always craved. It felt sickening good, I was estatic. I didn't care about all of the weird signs, like the weird friends she had (looked like crack addicts), and how she managed to get a kind rich southern guy to take her in. I didn't even care. I was just happy to finally feel like I had her approval. I have a habit of bedwetting time to time from anxiety, I ended up having an accident and I was mortified. I cleaned it all up, but told her and, she said it was no big deal. She used to scream at me or hit me as a child for wetting the bed, and now she was reacting normally. It was like a new woman.
My trip was cut short by a week, she had to be rushed into hospital because her appedix was about to explode, she needed to recover and wouldnt be able to do anything fun with me for the remainder of the trip. I watchd her get taken by the ambulance, and was freaking out crying, I was so relieved when the surgery was a success. Her new man apologized profusely for all he stress and bought me a plane ticket back home to NY. He hugged me saying he would be so happy to see me again over the summer, and he had so much fun fishing with me. That he wanted to be a good step dad. He was a nice dude, just like my dad (a good guy she manipulated) I felt it in my gut. They both were at the airport, my mother in a wheelchair, and hugged me off. She said she loved me and to text her when I landed
I did, and got no response. Another day passed, nothing. I started to freak out and called her, only for it to go to voicemail. I messaged one of her friends sons who she Introduced me to. Asking if she was okay. He said he would get back to me once she responded to him, but them he too ghosted me. It was like she was never there. I called her partners work, and they said they would tell him to give me a call. Nothing. I was in despair. I assumed the worst, that she had died or something because of a surgery complication. I was so confused. I pushed it all out of my mind, wrote it off as a mystery even though it ate up at me. I always just justified it as a death, even though it made no sense. She was still following me on Facebook, but there wasn't activity for months when she was once super active. I deleted facebook a few months later because it just hurt.
It's been about 3 years since then. I needed to re-download facebook because my aunt wanted me to check something on matketplace... and I looked up her name just out of curiosity... shes been posting for over a year now. She's okay. She posts her kids, her fiance... she never once responded ro any of my messages yet. Not on text, not on Facebook messenger, no where.... I scrolled and scrolled, crying. I saw she got a new tattoo... a rose for each of her kids.... one for each of her two new kids, one for a miscarriage she had...two for our sisters who passed away... NONE for me or my brother. Like we don't even exist to her.
I don't know what to do. I want to know WHY. We finally had a good relationship, I finally forgave her. We finally could have been okay, saw each other a few times a year... she said she was happy to have me back in her life.... WHY? I'm so heartbroken and confused. I miss her. Was it because I wet the bed? I don't know. I know shes horrible, but I can't help but miss her so much it hurts. Should I continue trying to reach out, or just let her go..? How do I process thos? Any advice, or maybe a theory/explanation/comfort. Anything would help. I just need help. I don't know what to do...

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years now. We are planning to get married this year. We've booked some of our suppliers already and have made downpayments. However, just recently, I secretly opened his phone and saw that he has this app tantan. He has been chatting a lot of girls inquiring about their walk services. I confronted him and he kept saying sorry and said that he won't do it again. I don't trust him fully but I accepted his apology. He even said he will do his best to earn my trust again. I believed (sort of). Weeks after, I opened his messenger out of curiosity and saw his message to another girl. He sent a wave emoticon to this woman. I searched the name online and found out she is a stripper. He got no reply from that person as far as I know. I confronted him again. This time I cried alot as I feel so disrespected for the second time. He asked apology and I still accepted him. This time, I already have doubts. I wanted to rethink my decisions. I wanted to end our relationship but i dont know where to start. I am afraid of changes. I am so used to our daily life. Another reason why I can't just end the relationship easily is because we have kids. Yes, we have two boys, a 2 year old and a 9month old. I grew up without a father. I don't want them to grow up the same way as I did. I want them to have a complete family.
Going back to the main topic, I let it slide. I tried to forget about it. A week after, I woke up early and he was still asleep. I wanted to check the time as I am still really sleepy but i couldn't go back to sleep as my baby is already awake as well. I saw his phone and checked the time. There I saw a notification from this app telegram. I saw a lot! He just sent a message to a group asking if there's someone near our subdivision as he is looking for "walk". No one replied to this message. I looked up other conversations. I read those direct messages. He has sent money to people for dirty contents. I also saw a thread of him meeting someone. All i can remember is that the girl said she is wearing pink. I couldn't read the whole conversation anymore so I woke him up. He was shocked and said he didn't go anywhere the other day. He deleted the app. He said that those were old messages when we were not still together. He even said that the message I saw in a group chat where he asked if there's someone nearby was sent a long time ago. I didn't argue anymore. I kept quite as I couldn't believe him anymore. I didn't even cry this time. I just asked him what did I do to deserve it. He kept saying sorry. Same words as before. Imagine , it's not even a month since the last incident and there he is. I felt betrayed, disrespected. I felt disgusted by just looking at him. I didn't ask for a breakup but I don't trust him anymore. I installed telegram to look for his message in the groupchat. Yes i can still remember the chat name. There I saw his message with his profile. The date shows May 19. Just yesterday. He is even proud with his face as he uploaded it as his display picture. Gross! Disgusting.
I haven't broken up with him. Still it doesn't change the fact that I don't think I should continue the wedding this December. Tomorrow we are planning to pay for the food and venue supplier but I think I am going to postpone that for now. However, I don't plan to break up with him yet as I need to create a plan. I need to enroll to a driving course first so when we breakup, I don't need to sell my car. We bought a car but it's under my name so it's mine. I also need to see if I can manage all the monthly bills when he is gone. I earn almost twice as his income so i think i can manage but I wanted to make sure as I have 2 kids. But to be honest, i am not sure what I should do
Any advice please?
Ps. Sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to get this out of my chest. I have no one to share this problem to.

Monetization is okay, but do not lock behind a paywall, if you make an audio using this script please post the link or comment as I would love to hear it! The monsterboys are a bluejay demon and a garden snake demon.
Snake has already been a familiar before and speaks with confidence, comes off as overprotective and controlled, until he gets upset.
Bird has not been a familiar before and comes off as overexcited and needy. Tries his best but is new to feeling romantic emotions and does not really know how to handle it.
Both care deeply for their mage and (secretly) for each other, but their ideals and emotions often clash.
I learned that the lines do not show up for some reason so longer pauses in audio will be shown with ~~~~~~~~ from now on and hopefully it shows up.
Part One
[SFX]
("Spoken" noises)
*Tone Changes / Suggestions*
~~~~~~~~ Listener "speaks", longer pause in spoken audio
[Knocking]
SD: *Muffled, through the door* Sweet mage? Are you up yet? We brought breakfast and it is actually pretty good today.
BD: Hey! My cooking is good every day, you always lick your plate clean and ask for more.
SD: (laughing) Hmhmhm... As long as our mage doesn't get sick, I will consider it acceptable...
[Irritated chittering]
~~~~~~~~~
[Door Opens, plate set down]
Both: Good morning, my mage!
~~~~~~~~
SD: Be careful, slowly, here let me help.
BD: Don't just grab them like that, they are still in pain from summoning us a few days ago. Let my mage rest if they need it.
SD: (Sigh, slight hissing) If I have to remind you that they are our mage one more time Birdie...
BD: Same thing, Coils.
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: (Sigh) Yes, our mage is right, it is too early to be fighting like this. And while they do need to rest, they also need food for energy and small movement to keep their body in shape.
BD: A few days of deep rest isn't going to cause their body to shut down completely.
SD: *Slight mocking* So you do not want your mage to eat the food you made? Are you not confident in it?
BD: *Flustered* Of course I am! Cooking is my favorite hobby and I put love and care into every dish!
SD: Especially those you cook for us?
BD: Of course, wait I mean- the meals I cook for our mage, I mean, I guess you eat them too and give me praise for it but-
SD: (laughing) Sorry, teasing you is just way too fun.
~~~~~~~~~~
BD: Hmm? Oh, yes, Ill help you eat, here.
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: I'm glad you're feeling a lot better today. Maybe after eating we can walk around for a bit? Get some fresh air, feel the ground underneath your feet?
BD: Are you kidding me? They can barely stand! Why would they want to-
~~~~~~~~~
BD: Oh, you want to? [Cooing] Well... I guess if that's what you want.
SD: Ha! See? I knew our pretty vine needed some sun. Besides, if they get tired I could always change forms and carry them around.
BD: Why would they choose to be carried by a cold, scaly, snake instead of a warm, soft, bird?
SD: *Offended* Maybe because you take them completely off the ground? They are the Mage of Vines, they need to be connected to the earth, not up in the sky. Go be the familiar to a Mage of Air.
BD: [Angry chittering] What did you just say?
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: (Sigh) You are right love. Sorry, I did not mean to be rude Birdie.
BD: It's fine...
SD: No, it is not. I just... get upset when others imply that I can't feel emotions just because I am a snake... I am cold-blooded but my heart does beat in every way yours does.
BD: *Remorseful* I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I'll be careful about not saying that again. I promise.
SD: Thank- (voice crack, throat clearing) Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~
BD: Oh you're done eating? Can you take these to the kitchen? We can clean up after our walk.
SD: Sure, and if it is all the same to you, I will clean up. The last time you tried to help half the spoons went missing and I had to dig them out from under the couch.
BD: *Embarrassed* I don't have a space for my nest yet and they were shiny...
[Snake leaves] [Dishes being put in sink]
BD: *whispering* I'm really going to have to make it up to him, I just- I never thought I would be tied to another demon along with a mage, it's all new to me.
~~~~~~~~
BD: I know he will forgive me but I don't want to make either of you feel bad, especially if it's a huge insecurity. I just didn't know, but I do now and I'll be better about it, I swear.
[Snake comes back]
SD: Are you both ready?
BD: Yes. Love, are you okay to stand on your own or do you want to be carried?
~~~~~~~~
BD: You want to be carried? Okay. Hey Coils, you said you wanted to carry our mage? Go ahead.
SD: *Excited* Really? Thank you! Hold on, let me just...[Magic sounds] That feels so much better. I know my first human form is better for moving around the house but I admit I like my second form the best. I can stretch my snake half but still speak.
BD: Nagas really are the best of both worlds. I feel the same about my second form, still able to walk and talk but I have my wings so I can fly.
SD: It is kind of annoying that we get more animalistic as we go down our forms though.
BD: Definitely, I get our full animal forms are better for unleashing our power and for resting if we are hurt but still...
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: Oh right, sorry pretty vine, Birdie, place them on my back.
BD: Okay, try to be still.
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: Hmm? No, you are not too heavy. This actually feels really nice, you've been in bed under the covers for days, so nice and warm...
BD: [Cooing] Okay, lets go, if you get tired, we will come straight back inside.
[Door opens, forest sounds]
SD: (Happy sigh, slight hissing) The sun feels amazing. I am so glad it's been a warm spring so far.
BD: [Magic sounds] I agree. Either of you mind if I stretch my wings a bit?
SD: Not at all.
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: You want to stand up and walk around Mage? Are you sure? Okay, but be careful.
[Sounds of vines growing]
BD: *Panic* What are you doing love? Your magic hasn't fully recovered!
~~~~~~~~~~
SD: *Hesitant* You want to...see what your new powers are? That's...fair. But please do not push yourself. What exactly could you do before?
~~~~~~~~
BD: Oh, all you could do was grow small vines around your feet? Hmmm, go ahead. I'm excited to see what you can do now.
[Ground cracking, lots of vines growing]
BD: *In awe* Great foliage! Those vines are almost as tall as the house, with thorns too!
SD: *Encouraging* What else? Push more magic into it, sweet mage.
[Popping noises, vines swishing]
BD: *Excited* Grapes! And blackberries!
[Noises stop]
SD: Oh no, Birdie catch our mage!
BD: Ah! I got them! Carefully, lay down.
SD: (laughs) So, your vines are a lot bigger and stronger now.
BD: [Eating] And you can grow fruit from them too! I wonder if it's just grapes and blackberries...
SD: Hmmm... probably not but growing fruit most likely uses more magic than growing vines since it is a new facet of their power. I would not be surprised if they can grow most things that grow on vines. But we can find that out later. My main concern right now is the huge tangle of vines that seem to be attached to our house after that show.
BD: *Dazed* Yeah.. it's a real jumble...dark...and quiet...
SD: Uh, Birdie? Are you okay?
BD: [Walking into the vines, still dazed] A nest... a safe place for my mates. Warm and protective... I'll make it soft and pretty...impressive...they'll love it and praise me...
SD: [Grabbing Bird from the vines] Sssssnap out of it!
BD: *Still out of it* We can cuddle once I make one...all of us...I promise not to take anything from the house...
SD: Oookkkaayy we are going back inside now. [Fast slithering] [Door closes]
BD: *Waking up* Ugh, what? Why are we inside?
SD: I think seeing the vines next to our house triggered your nesting instinct. I brought us inside so you could not see it.
BD: *Embarssed* Oh! Thanks... it's been a bit difficult not having my own space, I mean I like being with you two but-
SD: I get it, I've been feeling the same way without a den. But with that addition to the house I think that problem has just been solved. Well, maybe if our mage can make another one on the opposite side.
BD: That's a great idea! You can make a den in one and I can make a nest in the other!
SD: *Teasing* For your mates? Both of us?
BD: (Humming, flustered) Yes....
SD: (Sighs) Let's get our mage back in bed, you were right, they were not ready to use magic just yet.
BD: The walk did feel nice though, I hope...we aren't the cause of our mage being so weak.
SD: Their body is not used to the amount of magic in their soul. It was unlocked because of us but the potential was always there. We just need to provide care while they get used to it.
BD: We can do that. Lay them back on the bed, and then we can start cleaning the house. The faster we get done with the chores, the faster we can come cuddle.
SD: And when our mage wakes up we can discuss our plans for our own spaces... now come on, I will finish the dishes if you sweep up.
[Leaving the room, voices fading slowly]
BD: Why do I always have to sweep?
SD: *Teasing* Because the broom is made from your own feathers and not shiny.
BD: *Playfully offended* I already apologized for the spoons!

i F21 have my birthday today May 18. this post is going to be a bit long im sorry but i feel like i have to give a lot of back context. i do not live with my mom and i havent since i was F18, i’ve been living with my bf M23 at the time M20 because she stole thousands (roughly 15K) from MY social security benefits after my dad passed. anyways my mom told me for my birthday i had two options of what she would do for me. i could either go on a family dinner or i could get a couple things from the dollar tree. my mom gets paid around 1200 every single week. also the family dinner isn’t a real family dinner because i have 14 siblings and she only claims 3-5 depending on what day you ask her, the “family” she’s considering in this situation is her, my younger brother 18M and her boyfriend which is his dad. my younger brother just got out of juvi/jail he’s been there for like 3-4 years for GTA. when we were younger M11 and me F13 and lived together with our abusive aunt (her sister) he ended up coming into my room one night and tried to get me to have sex with him and i refused and told him how i’m his sister and he tried to get me to give him head and i still refused. ever since then i’ve obviously been uncomfortable around him. while he was in jail/juvi he confessed what he did and under the eyes of the state i was considered a victim and he was no longer allowed to talk to me. i told my mom what happened as well and so did he but she never cared. the only person that cared was his dad which is quite literally a prodigy of incest and he told my brother that what he did was wrong which was why my brother came clean while locked up. however while he was locked up despite me not talking to him my mom was sending him pics of me without my consent and even sent pics of me in a bikini style top. my brother got released less than a month ago and has since made multiple facebook pages to try to friend me and has called and texted my messenger several times but i won’t answer. i told my mom i didn’t want to see him and especially not for my birthday and she told me fine you can get the couple things from dollar tree and i told her no thank you it’s okay we don’t have to do anything and now she’s saying i’m being rude and disrespectful

Hello, my gf and I broke up days ago. This is the first time I’m starting to lose interest in everything, I always tried to escape in games but this time I get tired of it too so I want to let this out.
She tried ghosting me, I was lucky I followed my instinct to kinda hack my way in to her messenger and found out about it (read a chat with one of her friends) even if it meant I invaded her privacy.
I’m not perfect, we had our ups and downs, I had red flags and she did too. She was talking to her friend and said that she was leaving me because she deserves peace of mind, I was not respecting her anymore the rude words whenever we had argument and the silent treatment that she wanted me to change and she said that I did not change, she gave me a chance and she is done and she is spent and that I deserved it to not be informed and she would just suddenly not talk to me. I am guilty of it, I am trying to change, but it is still not enough or she saw too little of it, I understood it but at the same time I was also mad from what I read, I did not leave even if she had toxic behaviors and attitude.
But then I also found out that she was talking to her guy friend she met at the same dating app that she met me in. (I was not able to see the messages and no sign of it because of the new encryption of messenger).
I don’t know how long they have been chatting, I have no access to her social media account. As to how I found out is that I only saw a few in her email and this is not accurate idk how or why meta sends this email and not all messages she receives in messenger are emailed to notify, only a few. There was 5 emails in different dates this month that notifies she received a message in her messenger from this guy.
I thought we were still okay this past month, although I noticed some changes that she doesn’t want me to hug her anymore for long when sleeping or cuddling, saying that it is hot. She is getting cold in the chat, I always tried to be lively in the chat but it was not as it was how it supposed to be. I was almost always the one saying I love you first, she still responds tho. I ignored this knowing she is busy and stressed with her work.
Days before our break up, she met with the guy she was talking to after work. She did ask for permission from me and the reason is it was all just about catching up with one another and “Kaibigan niya lang”. I agreed even if I did not really want to because I was complacent we had an app that is called life360 and I can check up on her wherever she is going. This did not go well for me, as I was monitoring the app from time to time, I thought it was cancelled as her location never moved from her house. Later that day I asked her about it and she told me it was not cancelled and that she left her phone at home and only brought her sister’s phone. I was kinda mad and it resulted to me ignoring her.
I did not know that me ignoring her and getting mad about the guy will result in her starting to ghosting me. She also ignored me and let it pass. After half a day passed, I messaged her asking for something like to start a conversation again and make it up again. But she still ignored me. And this was when I followed my thoughts, going through her messenger and email where I saw her conversation with her friend.
I also tried checking on some of her social media platform, I found out she has a threads account which I did not know that she had one. I saw there her 2 posts that caught my attention. It says “You are one of a kind”, and the other “In another life, maybe we met each other earlier then I would love you” posted this month, one that is days ago and one that is weeks ago. This left me speechless as it was definitely not for me.
I felt angry with all that I found out. As she was ignoring me in social medias, I emailed her to confront her and tell her that I found out that she was ghosting me and all the other things, along with some insults as to how is the guy just a friend despite all the things I learned of, and if it was me in her place and did it, I bet her reaction would be worse. I also said that it is the last time she will hear from me whatever she says.
She did replied saying that there is no need to explain to me and it is okay if I think that she is cheating and she said the post on her threads were not meant for that guy.
So it was meant for someone else? Another guy I do not know of? A quick thought that popped in my mind.
I ignored her, blocked her on everything, I did not try to fix it anymore. Did I do the right thing, I wanted to fix it but with all that I learned of, it was too much for me.
With everything that I found out there is still a question in my mind.
The question now in my mind is, am I the real reason or did she really cheated and just used it as an excuse to leave me.
Right after I get mad about the guy, she leaves me. Would it have been better if I did not doubt her and just ignored it. Now my emotions are being mixed with anger both on her and myself whenever I think about it.

Hello, my gf and I broke up days ago. This is the first time I’m starting to lose interest in everything, I always tried to escape in games but this time I get tired of it too so I want to let this out.
She tried ghosting me, I was lucky I followed my instinct to kinda hack my way in to her messenger and found out about it (read a chat with one of her friends) even if it meant I invaded her privacy.
I’m not perfect, we had our ups and downs, I had red flags and she did too. She was talking to her friend and said that she was leaving me because she deserves peace of mind, I was not respecting her anymore the rude words whenever we had argument and the silent treatment that she wanted me to change and she said that I did not change, she gave me a chance and she is done and she is spent and that I deserved it to not be informed and she would just suddenly not talk to me. I am guilty of it, I am trying to change, but it is still not enough or she saw too little of it, I understood it but at the same time I was also mad from what I read, I did not leave even if she had toxic behaviors and attitude.
But then I also found out that she was talking to her guy friend she met at the same dating app that she met me in. (I was not able to see the messages and no sign of it because of the new encryption of messenger).
I don’t know how long they have been chatting, I have no access to her social media account. As to how I found out is that I only saw a few in her email and this is not accurate idk how or why meta sends this email and not all messages she receives in messenger are emailed to notify, only a few. There was 5 emails in different dates this month that notifies she received a message in her messenger from this guy.
I thought we were still okay this past month, although I noticed some changes that she doesn’t want me to hug her anymore for long when sleeping or cuddling, saying that it is hot. She is getting cold in the chat, I always tried to be lively in the chat but it was not as it was how it supposed to be. I was almost always the one saying I love you first, she still responds tho. I ignored this knowing she is busy and stressed with her work.
Days before our break up, she met with the guy she was talking to after work. She did ask for permission from me and the reason is it was all just about catching up with one another and “Kaibigan niya lang”. I agreed even if I did not really want to because I was complacent we had an app that is called life360 and I can check up on her wherever she is going. This did not go well for me, as I was monitoring the app from time to time, I thought it was cancelled as her location never moved from her house. Later that day I asked her about it and she told me it was not cancelled and that she left her phone at home and only brought her sister’s phone. I was kinda mad and it resulted to me ignoring her.
I did not know that me ignoring her and getting mad about the guy will result in her starting to ghosting me. She also ignored me and let it pass. After half a day passed, I messaged her asking for something like to start a conversation again and make it up again. But she still ignored me. And this was when I followed my thoughts, going through her messenger and email where I saw her conversation with her friend.
I also tried checking on some of her social media platform, I found out she has a threads account which I did not know that she had one. I saw there her 2 posts that caught my attention. It says “You are one of a kind”, and the other “In another life, maybe we met each other earlier then I would love you” posted this month, one that is days ago and one that is weeks ago. This left me speechless as it was definitely not for me.
I felt angry with all that I found out. As she was ignoring me in social medias, I emailed her to confront her and tell her that I found out that she was ghosting me and all the other things, along with some insults as to how is the guy just a friend despite all the things I learned of, and if it was me in her place and did it, I bet her reaction would be worse. I also said that it is the last time she will hear from me whatever she says.
She did replied saying that there is no need to explain to me and it is okay if I think that she is cheating and she said the post on her threads were not meant for that guy.
So it was meant for someone else? Another guy I do not know of? A quick thought that popped in my mind.
I ignored her, blocked her on everything, I did not try to fix it anymore. Did I do the right thing, I wanted to fix it but with all that I learned of, it was too much for me.
With everything that I found out there is still a question in my mind.
The question now in my mind is, am I the real reason or did she really cheated and just used it as an excuse to leave me.
Right after I get mad about the guy, she leaves me. Would it have been better if I did not doubt her and just ignored it. Now my emotions are being mixed with anger both on her and myself whenever I think about it.

I have been through so much and I am exhausted.
Since November of last year, I have been dealing with a conflict with my in-laws:

• A group picture of my parents, my fiancé’s parents, my fiancé, and I was posted by my MIL on a Facebook story post. Let’s call my fiancé, Jerry (fake name). There was a caption on the photo and the caption only covered my face and my parents. When pointed out, Jerry blamed it on her tech incompetence.
  
• Following this incident above, an argument ensues between me and Jerry (I talked about my feelings regarding his family, how I was treated, etc.) to the point that he started a group chat on Facebook messenger the next day out of anger. He threw me, his sister, and his mom into the group to "sort this out" and threw me under the bus. I quickly left the group.
  
• I went to my parent’s house to clear my head for a few days and told Jerry that I need to rethink this relationship. He had an emotional breakdown because of this.
  
• This incident snowballed with questions from his family as they were “blindsided”. I mentioned all the things said and done by his mom over the past 5 years (when I first met his mother, she said that our relationship would not work out due to cultural differences and few other offensive comments in the years ahead)
  
• I was met with "I am sorry if I offended you". His mother sent another attempt at an apology that was a potential apology. However, I could not respond as I was blocked. Then a letter was sent to me from her that was a rug sweep "I am sorry that this has all happened. Can't we move past this".
  
• In December of last year, I informed Jerry that I needed to heal from everything and for that, I do not wish to go with him on Christmas. Every year, his family meet on Christmas. I asked him if he would like to spend it with me. If not, that is totally okay. I also said that he should go because I knew I would be blamed for it. Well, I was blamed for it. I was called manipulative and on a power trip.
  
• His family further tells questioned him for spending Christmas with me because according to them, I don’t celebrate Christmas. He’s white and I am not. I stated to him that his family does not go to Church nor are they practicing Christians. I celebrate Christmas (gift exchanges and dinners) the same way as they do. They did not apologize for their comment.
  
• From December to March, my fiancé has had numerous conversations with his father and mother to resolve the conflict which now involved the entire family. During this span of time and in their absence, I started to heal and focused on my relationship with my fiancé.
  
• Then come March; his father was still stuck in his anger. Did not reflect for the last three months and informed my fiancé that they are not coming to our wedding. I admit that I was so angry that I threatened to divorce him should they not come to our wedding and that he continues a relationship with them. I apologized for what I said afterwards.
  
• We were about to meet up in person to resolve this however, his father decided to send a group text in advance of our meet up and informed us that he is not interested in extending an olive branch. He was bullying us into submission (please see my past posts), blamed me for how I handled things and boldly stated that if I wasn’t his son’s fiancé, he would have nothing to do with me. When called out for his rude texts, his father stated that he needed to get it off his chest to heal.
  
• For days after the texts, Jerry stood up for me and fought with his dad. Eventually, his dad agreed to come to town to “talk”. I was so incredibly hurt from his dad’s actions and I bluntly stated to Jerry that if he continues to berate me in person when we meet up, I will get up and leave the conversation. Jerry immediately got upset, raised his voice at me and left the apartment. I had no idea that he got up to go kill himself, I thought he just left to cool off like he usually does. I later learned that he felt unsupported by me.
  
• Couple days later; Jerry had another meltdown. His parents and all his friends drove down to meet with him to provide support. Before they reached, I got to his place early and his friend was there. Jerry had too much to drink and was at his lowest point. I tried to calm him down, but he was angry to the point that I left the apartment in tears. He humiliated me when he yelled at me in front of his friend. Then at the end of the night, I brought up the issues with his parents to try to resolve. I was later told that I made it about me when I confronted his parents.
  
• Weeks later; his parents met up with Jerry and my parents for their wedding clothing shopping. I decided not to show up.
  
• Jerry and I moved into our new place, with furniture shipped in and it needed to be put together. His dad offered to drive down to help Jerry put the furniture together. I appreciated the fact that the furniture was put together. Jerry was practically upset that I am not recognizing his dad’s efforts when I said it does not erase everything he has done. His father did not even apologize to me once and I should be okay because of the furniture? An argument ensues and it escalated to a point where I could not take it anymore and I went to take my life. Even at my lowest point, Jerry still got mad at me.
  
• And now he is profusely apologizing for betraying me and hurting me. I feel that I don’t even know who he is anymore.
  

Long post ahead
Hello, my gf and I broke up days ago. This is the first time I’m starting to lose interest in everything, I always tried to escape in games but this time I get tired of it too so I want to let this out.
She tried ghosting me, I was lucky I followed my instinct to kinda hack my way in to her messenger and found out about it (read a chat with one of her friends) even if it meant I invaded her privacy.
I’m not perfect, we had our ups and downs, I had red flags and she did too. The reason I read why she was leaving me was because she said she deserves peace of mind, I was not respecting her anymore, rude words whenever we had argument and the silent treatment that she wanted me to change and she said that I did not change, she gave me a chance and she is done and she is spent. Yes, that is true I am guilty of it, I am trying to change, but it is still not enough or she saw too little of it, definitely my fault.
But then I also found out that she was talking to her guy friend she met at the same dating app that she met me in. (I was not able to see the messages and no sign of it because of the new encryption of messenger).
I don’t know how long they have been chatting, I have no access to her social media account. As to how I found is that I only saw a few in her email and this is not accurate idk how or why meta sends this email and not all messages she receives in messenger are emailed to notify, only a few. There was 5 emails in different dates this month that notifies she received a message in her messenger from this guy.
I thought we were still okay this past month, although I noticed some changes that she doesn’t want me to hug her anymore for long when sleeping or cuddling, saying that it is hot. She is getting cold in the chat, I always tried to be lively in the chat but it was not as it was how it supposed to be. I ignored this knowing she is busy with her work.
Days before our break up, she met with the guy she was talking to after work. She did ask for permission from me and the reason is it was all just about catching up with one another and “Kaibigan niya lang”. I agreed even if I did not really want to because I was complacent we had an app that is called life360 and I can check up on her wherever she is going. This did not go well for me, as I was monitoring the app from time to time, I thought it was cancelled as her location never moved from her house. Later that day I asked her about it and she told me it was not cancelled and that she left her phone at home and only brought her sister’s phone. I was kinda mad and it resulted to me ignoring her.
I did not know that this was the start of her ghosting me, she also ignored me and let it pass, I messaged her asking for something like to start a conversation again and make it up again. But she still ignored me. And this was when I did it, going through her messenger and email. I also tried checking on some of her social media platform, I found out she has a threads account which I did not know that she had one. I saw there her 2 posts that caught my attention. It says “You are one of a kind”, and the other “In another life, maybe we met each other earlier then I would love you” posted this month, one that is days ago and one that is weeks ago. It was definitely not for me.
I felt angry with all that I found out. As she was ignoring me in social medias, I emailed her to confront her and tell that I found out that she was ghosting me and all the other things, some insults as to how the guy is just a friend despite all the things I learned of, and if it was me in her place and did it, I bet her reaction would be worse. I also said that it is the last time she will hear from me whatever she says.
She did replied saying that there is no need to explain to me and it is okay if I think that she is cheating and the post on her threads were not meant for that guy.
So it was meant for someone else? Another guy I do not know of? A quick thought that popped in my mind.
I ignored her, blocked her on everything, I did not try to fix it anymore. Did I do the right thing, I wanted to fix it but with all that I learned of, it was too much for me.
With everything that I found out there is still a question in my mind.
The question now in my mind is if that I’m the real reason or did she really cheated or maybe both…. Now my emotions are being mixed with anger whenever I think about it.
ABYG na hindi ko na inayos at hinayaan nalang at iniwan na din siya? O mali ako at nag overthink lang ako at ako talaga ang rason kung bakit niya ako iiwan nang walang pasabi.

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

My partner [M26] and I [F26] are in a long distance relationship. We’ve been together for 8 months. Okay naman yung relationship namin, very calming and napag-uusapan namin ang mga bagay ng maayos.
Until recently, we had a trip. I have no access sa mga social media accounts niya. Ayoko rin kasi I find it a little toxic, kasi maghahalungkat ka dun and all. So, nahawakan ko yung phone niya nung magkasama kami and nagscroll ako sa messenger niya, and then I found out na nag-uusap pa sila ng ex niya [F20+]. Yung ex niya ay 1 yr sila, pero sabi niya ay not so serious daw yun kasi testing the waters lang siya kasi late bloomer siya. Mga 3-4 yrs na silang wala. Hindi naman regularly, pero todo help pa siya at nagrereply din kapag nagrarant si ex. Sinabi ko sa kanya yun, sabi niya feeling niya kasi ay rude siya nung time na yun if hindi siya sumagot. However, I find it unfair sa side ko. Bakit sa kanya magrarant knowing na may romantic past sila? Dahil ba alam niya pano siya icomfort? Nawalan ako ng trust after that scenario. Also, friend din ng tropa niya yung ex, kaya parang somehow naging trigger sakin yung friends. Feeling ko sila ang nagbbring up ng connection between them two. Sabi ng partner ko di na niya uulitin, pero nahihirapan ako magtrust talaga.
How do I deal with my trust issues? Sometimes, I blame myself for being too emotional about this pero it really bothers me a lot.

(this will be long but detailed like a romance novel)
For most of my life, I was faced with obstacles and hardships. But always believed in my capacity to change. Without this belief, I wouldn't be here now telling you all my story...and the ultimate reunion with him...I wonder would it be better if were to tell you all my story of us individually ? Though my hunch is its best to get straight to it. what I'm hoping for is that anyone here was wondering if their TF is their real TF or how others journey is going. I think by being pedantically transparent can be left for others to interpret. Personally, the common themes of my TF experience so far is...its never been a feeling of having to be together as a goal but having true company...true growth. Its a pure love for another human. We are learning a great deal from one another and on heading the same trajectory. I'm leaving out my signs that we both are connected. I hope my story reflects the layers of duality.
In 2020, everything from the universe was telling me to slow down. I had sprained both my ankles and was out for much of the year and on top of that had to sit with all my decisions. Upon doing a life assessment, I found both my self love/worth and strength of convictions and the courage to navigate new decisions. Out with the old and completely in with the new. When an idea dies, it truly dies. I buried that year: the old parts of me, friendships, career, habits, yadda yadda.
2021 emerges, I'm working on the same Project and was arranging my pay rate with this , at this point unbeknownst to me, my TF. Our communication from the get go was easy and smooth. Though we also had obviously annoyances. He would control when I get information (getting in my way) which affected my jobs at some points but most part it was interesting. Upon meeting at a location for the first time (work related), We both had our face masks. As he enters ... I say his name and look at his eyes. There was a long silence and what seemed to be an instant knowingness. At that moment, I was quite in disbelief as I haven't been in a relationship for 8 years. I wanted to know who I was in my entirety and to truly know what its like to be in a relationship with myself. This being said, I thought nothing of it and made a small fleeting note. "hmm?" He just kept staring at my eyes. I believe this is when we read "love at first sight" or "attraction at first sight" and completely recognition.
Each week he would try to talk with me, though I found he was a bit suspicious. I would be really outwardly weird, reactive by being surprised to indifferent. This would go on for weeks, he gave up and ignored me, then I realized I didn't need to be so cold. But its like, how am I in that current moment take all this "mystical" "magical" "fairytale" type connection ? Anyways...I started studying him, I found it was quite easy to know who he is. Everyone says "he's so calm" that he is. But I also sensed is anxieties, when he is trying to investigate me but covering up that he needs some work document, I simply, understand without fuss, what's really going on underneath the surface. I was sitting at a desk listening to someone and I quickly knew my TF was walking pass my office. As he is passing, time completely stops, i was bothered by him looking at him so I gave him an angry eye stare (with face mask) show down but suddenly my eyes soften and we are in trance. On our project, we had a 2 week break for the holidays...Upon return it is now 2022
2022: Upon return, he was indifferent to my eccentricities, I took the break to sit with myself as to how to approach him in the new year...I asked him how his break was....he looks down takes a deep sigh. And for the longest time...it seems he is reflecting and withholding. For some reason, I KNEW he was with a karmic. He didn't seem happy and was quite tired. He replies that it was very....and to which I expressed by cutting off mid-sentence "tiring and instead of rejuvenation" ....he goes "exactly" This right here is when I truly believed that this experience is special. At this point, I didn't really think of him as TF. In fact, I didn't really believe in this concept till now.
One day TF bumps into me by some stairs, It surprised me and as he is walking by he tells me simply "Its okay, I'm the same way"...I look back as he is walking up the stairs and we look into each others eyes. We go back to our busy work day. I felt so sad honestly, was less focused on him and more on how to get off the project and endure my condescending bosses. I also was quite touched by his integrity and compassion and forgiveness. I felt completely accepted by him and I to him.
The day came when the projected was completed, I was onto another one. The last day I went into his office and wanted to express my gratitude. Of course he wasn't there, he is overseeing two projects at the same time...I walked away that show feeling renewed hope. That this "TF" , again unbeknownst to me at that time, was a beacon...Finally...there is someone out there that does get me and accepts me. I was sad that I didn't take the opportunity sooner and left with an important lesson.
"Don't ever give up, Own who you are even if there will be those that don't like you, but there will be someone out there for me again. And when that happens, I won't allow my weirdness to stop me"
There was no connection or reason to reach out as it wasn't a practical tangible and socially acceptable to do so. We really didn't build anything but having small fleeting moments. So I go on and do my life...
Meanwhile, Throughout this experience I've had vivid dreams. 2021 our first meeting and upon knowing he is in a relationship with his karmic. I had a dream where we were at a MALL and he was following me (just like he was in real life...investigating me...putting me on ice for later) I look back at him and suddenly , the concrete structures of the mall slowly , like soft clouds, moved to block us.
2022 I had a dream where I was at this apartment complex for a party, I get back into a vehicle to then someone saying "you need to go back and get your stuff because there is no going back". I go back to the apartment knock on the door and to my surprise a skinny woman with long black hair and a blurred face opens the door. MY TF is in the BG and so very distinct. Suddenly, I'm transported into a 1940's traditional American home...where the interiors were wood crafted beams, crown moldings, leather arm chairs. bartenders with bow tie and vest. The same woman asks me " are you here to party?! let me know you around!" she guides me everywhere then MY TF appears and was so vivid. I left the party through a window and down a vine lattice.
2023 Now all this time in this story, we didn't talk with one another. It was a short period and we moved on. I'm doing my own projects and then unemployed, struggling to find work. While, on his end ..his karmic and him broke up in may. In which, I had another dream.
We were just talking about astrophotography, it was now just him and I. In a white room with aluminum framed windows and a glass desk. He then asked me "so how's your career going?" then I woke up feeling unworthy of him. That he is right...how can I be in a relationship if my own life isn't together?
Toward the end of 2023, I accidentally butt dialed him. A few days later, he texts me back "did I get a miss call from you? :-)" I knew he was interested to get to know me. But he was traveling around...at this point I wasn't aware he broke up with his gf...and that he was going through so much. I would want to talk on the phone vs text but felt he was very avoidant of me. Essentially, one day he said he was available to talk on a sunday. I took a break from work to call him. He never answered nor did he even get back in touch with me. I figured oh well move on.
2024 4 weeks ago .I'm reactivating my facebook and to see he added me as a friend and we started chatting again briefly on messenger. During the messages, he would try to bait me to go to someones memorial. It seemed he wanted to see me but went a round about way of doing so. I told him I wouldn't want to go as its dishonest. I didn't know here at all. We talked about our ideas on opportunity, what it means to live . I was only on there to find a job and to reconnect with some contacts. Since it wasn't useful, I closed it. He then hunted me down outside facebook "I tried messenging you on fb and it says i'm blocked" to which I replied "I deactivated as ALL those annoying strangers and ads". Since then we have been chatting on text. BUT hes very controlling ...I can sense him fighting being transparent. We just shooting the shit and I told him I was baking cookies to which I come to discover he has serious control issues with sweets. Now the other bait, He wanted me to bake him something and that we could meet up to just talk.
We finally reunite 3 weeks ago...it was an interesting deep night. Ranging from philosophy, values, beliefs on parenting, he ranted though on and on about all his women friends and his ex. I knew then...that tonight isn't for us ...its for him. I felt more like a resource because of what he didn't want to talk about "us" and how detailed he got with his ex. Saying things like "and she was beautiful" ..."I feel regret....I don't trust anyone with who doesn't have regret" to suddenly cutting him off here and there to change it around. Everything combined I thought he was regretting his break up. He was quite rude when I expressed "Since you are sharing yours, I should share you mine" after all he wanted to get to know my journey. But the night was anything but his. He says "not necessarily" and to which I respond "but these stories are for your healing and lesson" NOW i got his attention.
Time again froze, It seemed like we just sat down but its now been 4 hours. He shared his stories of not only exes now, how his father died when he was 16 and my was abuse and homelessness etc. We even cried during these reflective sharing's. Now the place is about to close, I still wanted more time with him. We went over to a diner across the street. As we sit, there is so many details I'm trying to leave out that shows his protection of me. From a waiter being passive aggressive that we aren't ordering anything. Now we are into our conversations, he changes his word regret to remorse...and connecting it to his present moment of deciding new priorities/ ideas. We go on and on to eventually having some light moments of talking about the countries flags decor and trying to guess what country is what flag. Suddenly, I get some intuition that we should check on our cars...we leave and again time froze its now been 4 hours but it felt like we just sat down. Our cars ended up being booted lol as if the universe is saying keep sticking to each other. As we walk across, he notices this crazy furry item , I knew he was trying to prevent me from being scared. AND I knew that its time for some over the top reaction. I wanted to crack a smile on him. " I freeze and scream out wtf is that?! and stuttering his name loudly" He laughs so hard. As we get to the car...he says "how did you know. You called it" He pays for my boot. we sit under the cloudy night sky by some bistro outdoor seating waiting .
The next morning, I realized I am him. I literally absorbed all his states and emotions. He texted me "good morning these cookies are delicious" to which i sent him a meme of lama "my last brain cell working". He responds "I hope I wasn't too intense last night" and for some reason that text, given i was using his drives/emotions from the previous night" and suddenly felt he was so selfish. I told him that I can't keep being a resource to someone, that I came out under the impression that it was mutual and that I am not capable of feeling the burden of every woman's mistakes. That I sincerely wish him the best..even if its not with me.
He replies "you are special" "i'm just coming out of my own" to which I said "yep..that's understandable"
Weeks go by now its present time.
I am seriously going through the ups and downs of my growth, complete turmoil, questioning my decisions. Should I have sent that text? I told myself to not allow this opportunity to go to waste when I left the project in 2021. I'm crying, I start realizing more and more how insecure I am. Why is his actions determination of my worth? rejection and abandonment issues arise. Now I decided to follow my angel numbers and decided to face my challenges LIVE. Instead of avoiding and ignoring these issues, I decided to just message him ...my vulnerability and thoughts about us regardless what his reaction could be on his end. I kept going back and forth why he is deceptive during our date and why some questions disappeared into thin air. But I marched on anyway. Essentially, I said that we were meant to be in each others lives, regardless of outcome, or if we were to find love or not.
To my surprise, on his end, he made some changes. He was out of town taking care of his mother and I told him that if you're up for it, lets grab coffee to catch up. He replies "I'd really like that" this is the first time I think he attempted to be open with his feelings.
Last night, I had a dream I was in a MALL again...across from me, I See him barging in with a walk of conviction and went straight to the escalator. His face was grey and almost falling off. I texted him to see if he was okay and told him about the dream. He was very different this time around, he was receptive, he changed and started to act on my running away text. He started to ask me questions, how I am doing which fixes the initial issue of not being special and feeling used. How interesting we are meeting our growth goals at the same time. A mall represents changes/ new ideas/ values etc. How interesting we are constantly in a mall and how reflective that is in our reality.
We are hanging out this Saturday :-)
I can only hope we meet our challenges whenever that may be, romance would be nice, having a life together. But I'm just glad I'm in this experience...

(this will be long but detailed like a romance novel)
For most of my life, I was faced with obstacles and hardships. But always believed in my capacity to change. Without this belief, I wouldn't be here now telling you all my story...and the ultimate reunion with him...I wonder would it be better if were to tell you all my story of us individually ? Though my hunch is its best to get straight to it. what I'm hoping for is that anyone here was wondering if their TF is their real TF or how others journey is going. I think by being pedantically transparent can be left for others to interpret. Personally, the common themes of my TF experience so far is...its never been a feeling of having to be together as a goal but having true company...true growth. Its a pure love for another human. We are learning a great deal from one another and on heading the same trajectory. I'm leaving out my signs that we both are connected. I hope my story reflects the layers of duality.
In 2020, everything from the universe was telling me to slow down. I had sprained both my ankles and was out for much of the year and on top of that had to sit with all my decisions. Upon doing a life assessment, I found both my self love/worth and strength of convictions and the courage to navigate new decisions. Out with the old and completely in with the new. When an idea dies, it truly dies. I buried that year: the old parts of me, friendships, career, habits, yadda yadda.
2021 emerges, I'm working on the same Project and was arranging my pay rate with this , at this point unbeknownst to me, my TF. Our communication from the get go was easy and smooth. Though we also had obviously annoyances. He would control when I get information (getting in my way) which affected my jobs at some points but most part it was interesting. Upon meeting at a location for the first time (work related), We both had our face masks. As he enters ... I say his name and look at his eyes. There was a long silence and what seemed to be an instant knowingness. At that moment, I was quite in disbelief as I haven't been in a relationship for 8 years. I wanted to know who I was in my entirety and to truly know what its like to be in a relationship with myself. This being said, I thought nothing of it and made a small fleeting note. "hmm?" He just kept staring at my eyes. I believe this is when we read "love at first sight" or "attraction at first sight" and completely recognition.
Each week he would try to talk with me, though I found he was a bit suspicious. I would be really outwardly weird, reactive by being surprised to indifferent. This would go on for weeks, he gave up and ignored me, then I realized I didn't need to be so cold. But its like, how am I in that current moment take all this "mystical" "magical" "fairytale" type connection ? Anyways...I started studying him, I found it was quite easy to know who he is. Everyone says "he's so calm" that he is. But I also sensed is anxieties, when he is trying to investigate me but covering up that he needs some work document, I simply, understand without fuss, what's really going on underneath the surface. I was sitting at a desk listening to someone and I quickly knew my TF was walking pass my office. As he is passing, time completely stops, i was bothered by him looking at him so I gave him an angry eye stare (with face mask) show down but suddenly my eyes soften and we are in trance. On our project, we had a 2 week break for the holidays...Upon return it is now 2022
2022: Upon return, he was indifferent to my eccentricities, I took the break to sit with myself as to how to approach him in the new year...I asked him how his break was....he looks down takes a deep sigh. And for the longest time...it seems he is reflecting and withholding. For some reason, I KNEW he was with a karmic. He didn't seem happy and was quite tired. He replies that it was very....and to which I expressed by cutting off mid-sentence "tiring and instead of rejuvenation" ....he goes "exactly" This right here is when I truly believed that this experience is special. At this point, I didn't really think of him as TF. In fact, I didn't really believe in this concept till now.
One day TF bumps into me by some stairs, It surprised me and as he is walking by he tells me simply "Its okay, I'm the same way"...I look back as he is walking up the stairs and we look into each others eyes. We go back to our busy work day. I felt so sad honestly, was less focused on him and more on how to get off the project and endure my condescending bosses. I also was quite touched by his integrity and compassion and forgiveness. I felt completely accepted by him and I to him.
The day came when the projected was completed, I was onto another one. The last day I went into his office and wanted to express my gratitude. Of course he wasn't there, he is overseeing two projects at the same time...I walked away that show feeling renewed hope. That this "TF" , again unbeknownst to me at that time, was a beacon...Finally...there is someone out there that does get me and accepts me. I was sad that I didn't take the opportunity sooner and left with an important lesson.
"Don't ever give up, Own who you are even if there will be those that don't like you, but there will be someone out there for me again. And when that happens, I won't allow my weirdness to stop me"
There was no connection or reason to reach out as it wasn't a practical tangible and socially acceptable to do so. We really didn't build anything but having small fleeting moments. So I go on and do my life...
Meanwhile, Throughout this experience I've had vivid dreams. 2021 our first meeting and upon knowing he is in a relationship with his karmic. I had a dream where we were at a MALL and he was following me (just like he was in real life...investigating me...putting me on ice for later) I look back at him and suddenly , the concrete structures of the mall slowly , like soft clouds, moved to block us.
2022 I had a dream where I was at this apartment complex for a party, I get back into a vehicle to then someone saying "you need to go back and get your stuff because there is no going back". I go back to the apartment knock on the door and to my surprise a skinny woman with long black hair and a blurred face opens the door. MY TF is in the BG and so very distinct. Suddenly, I'm transported into a 1940's traditional American home...where the interiors were wood crafted beams, crown moldings, leather arm chairs. bartenders with bow tie and vest. The same woman asks me " are you here to party?! let me know you around!" she guides me everywhere then MY TF appears and was so vivid. I left the party through a window and down a vine lattice.
2023 Now all this time in this story, we didn't talk with one another. It was a short period and we moved on. I'm doing my own projects and then unemployed, struggling to find work. While, on his end ..his karmic and him broke up in may. In which, I had another dream.
We were just talking about astrophotography, it was now just him and I. In a white room with aluminum framed windows and a glass desk. He then asked me "so how's your career going?" then I woke up feeling unworthy of him. That he is right...how can I be in a relationship if my own life isn't together?
Toward the end of 2023, I accidentally butt dialed him. A few days later, he texts me back "did I get a miss call from you? :-)" I knew he was interested to get to know me. But he was traveling around...at this point I wasn't aware he broke up with his gf...and that he was going through so much. I would want to talk on the phone vs text but felt he was very avoidant of me. Essentially, one day he said he was available to talk on a sunday. I took a break from work to call him. He never answered nor did he even get back in touch with me. I figured oh well move on.
2024 4 weeks ago .I'm reactivating my facebook and to see he added me as a friend and we started chatting again briefly on messenger. During the messages, he would try to bait me to go to someones memorial. It seemed he wanted to see me but went a round about way of doing so. I told him I wouldn't want to go as its dishonest. I didn't know here at all. We talked about our ideas on opportunity, what it means to live . I was only on there to find a job and to reconnect with some contacts. Since it wasn't useful, I closed it. He then hunted me down outside facebook "I tried messenging you on fb and it says i'm blocked" to which I replied "I deactivated as ALL those annoying strangers and ads". Since then we have been chatting on text. BUT hes very controlling ...I can sense him fighting being transparent. We just shooting the shit and I told him I was baking cookies to which I come to discover he has serious control issues with sweets. Now the other bait, He wanted me to bake him something and that we could meet up to just talk.
We finally reunite 3 weeks ago...it was an interesting deep night. Ranging from philosophy, values, beliefs on parenting, he ranted though on and on about all his women friends and his ex. I knew then...that tonight isn't for us ...its for him. I felt more like a resource because of what he didn't want to talk about "us" and how detailed he got with his ex. Saying things like "and she was beautiful" ..."I feel regret....I don't trust anyone with who doesn't have regret" to suddenly cutting him off here and there to change it around. Everything combined I thought he was regretting his break up. He was quite rude when I expressed "Since you are sharing yours, I should share you mine" after all he wanted to get to know my journey. But the night was anything but his. He says "not necessarily" and to which I respond "but these stories are for your healing and lesson" NOW i got his attention.
Time again froze, It seemed like we just sat down but its now been 4 hours. He shared his stories of not only exes now, how his father died when he was 16 and my was abuse and homelessness etc. We even cried during these reflective sharing's. Now the place is about to close, I still wanted more time with him. We went over to a diner across the street. As we sit, there is so many details I'm trying to leave out that shows his protection of me. From a waiter being passive aggressive that we aren't ordering anything. Now we are into our conversations, he changes his word regret to remorse...and connecting it to his present moment of deciding new priorities/ ideas. We go on and on to eventually having some light moments of talking about the countries flags decor and trying to guess what country is what flag. Suddenly, I get some intuition that we should check on our cars...we leave and again time froze its now been 4 hours but it felt like we just sat down. Our cars ended up being booted lol as if the universe is saying keep sticking to each other. As we walk across, he notices this crazy furry item , I knew he was trying to prevent me from being scared. AND I knew that its time for some over the top reaction. I wanted to crack a smile on him. " I freeze and scream out wtf is that?! and stuttering his name loudly" He laughs so hard. As we get to the car...he says "how did you know. You called it" He pays for my boot. we sit under the cloudy night sky by some bistro outdoor seating waiting .
The next morning, I realized I am him. I literally absorbed all his states and emotions. He texted me "good morning these cookies are delicious" to which i sent him a meme of lama "my last brain cell working". He responds "I hope I wasn't too intense last night" and for some reason that text, given i was using his drives/emotions from the previous night" and suddenly felt he was so selfish. I told him that I can't keep being a resource to someone, that I came out under the impression that it was mutual and that I am not capable of feeling the burden of every woman's mistakes. That I sincerely wish him the best..even if its not with me.
He replies "you are special" "i'm just coming out of my own" to which I said "yep..that's understandable"
Weeks go by now its present time.
I am seriously going through the ups and downs of my growth, complete turmoil, questioning my decisions. Should I have sent that text? I told myself to not allow this opportunity to go to waste when I left the project in 2021. I'm crying, I start realizing more and more how insecure I am. Why is his actions determination of my worth? rejection and abandonment issues arise. Now I decided to follow my angel numbers and decided to face my challenges LIVE. Instead of avoiding and ignoring these issues, I decided to just message him ...my vulnerability and thoughts about us regardless what his reaction could be on his end. I kept going back and forth why he is deceptive during our date and why some questions disappeared into thin air. But I marched on anyway. Essentially, I said that we were meant to be in each others lives, regardless of outcome, or if we were to find love or not.
To my surprise, on his end, he made some changes. He was out of town taking care of his mother and I told him that if you're up for it, lets grab coffee to catch up. He replies "I'd really like that" this is the first time I think he attempted to be open with his feelings.
Last night, I had a dream I was in a MALL again...across from me, I See him barging in with a walk of conviction and went straight to the escalator. His face was grey and almost falling off. I texted him to see if he was okay and told him about the dream. He was very different this time around, he was receptive, he changed and started to act on my running away text. He started to ask me questions, how I am doing which fixes the initial issue of not being special and feeling used. How interesting we are meeting our growth goals at the same time. A mall represents changes/ new ideas/ values etc. How interesting we are constantly in a mall and how reflective that is in our reality.
We are hanging out this Saturday :-)
I can only hope we meet our challenges whenever that may be, romance would be nice, having a life together. But I'm just glad I'm in this experience...

Hello I'm just posting to see if I would be the Ashole if I was too cut contact with my dad after years of emotional blackmail. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm dyslexic. For context I (F22) and my dad (M52) used to have a Good father-daughter relationship. When I was 8 my half sister Sophie(F15) was born and we still had a good relationship that was until I had to go live with him due to something that happened with my mum when I was 11. I had to live with him for 7 years whist seeing my mum only every 2 weekends. My dad liked to be in control and he still acts like that to this day, when I was 16 and just starting college he said that I wouldn't be able to do the course that I really wanted to do because I wouldn't be successful and I would fail at it. He then made me change my mind and pick another course. He liked to treat my sister like a golden child and made me out to be the black sheep of the family, he would do anything for her and she took that to the advantage. She used to get me in so much trouble and he would scream at me and tell me that 'if I keep this up I'll go stay round my mums' but it was always an empty threat. He said it so much that I had a bag packed and even said that I prefer going to my mums becuase she doesn't treat me like shit. I used to wear crop tops but I now can't because my dad used too say to me that I don't suit cropped tops. I'm a skinny girl but i have had eating disorders in the past all becuase of him. I can never wear any crop tops ever again I tried but everytime I try I burst into tears because I think of what he said. When was 18 I finally built up the courage to tell my dad how I felt and that I wanted to live with my mum again and he chucked them back in my face and said that all hes done for me was for nothing and that i was a disappointment. Now he only messages me when he wants something from me and he doesnt even say hello when he does. We can sometimes go weeks without messages and when i do message him i dont get a response sometimes. He's now dating someone who is only 8 years older then me and I don't really like her that much as she's really rude and she's called both me and my sister Sophie fat and he defended her by saying You're not at all fat, she said you looked fatter than you really are on messenger call and your slim. It's a language translation problem. Sophie needs to do something about her weight but you definitely don't. Make sure you keep eating well because you get lots of exercise anyway.
So I don't know what to do, I still want to see my sister but I just don't want to see my dad.
So wibta if I was to cut contact with my father after years of emotional blackmail.

I'm sorry for any formatting errors, I don't really use Reddit often to post, I mostly read stuff here, and also sorry for any grammar errors, English isn't my first language and I'm currently really stressed out by what happened yesterday. Also I'm not sure about what flare to use, so I'll just leave it without any flare.
so basically what happened is, I wanted to go yesterday to my friend's birthday party, and since we know each other very well, we're both queer and other friends are supportive or queer too, I figured I'd go in a feminine outfit (a black skirt, a black crop top with pink bows, tights, fishnets on my hands and arms, a choker and some fingerless gloves). now, thing is, I have a second friend group (which is also very queer-friendly, many people also are queer) in my current school and it isnt connected to the other group at all, since I'm studying in a secondary school in a big city, and the friend group which I was supposed to go to for that birthday, I met in the town where I live in primary school. Worth noting, I am boymoding in my school right now, but both my friend groups know that I'm trans. Also, here in Poland, the only means of communication with others is Messenger from Meta, I don't know why, I hate it, but I'm kinda forced to use it since everyone uses it, for now it doesnt really matter. In Poland its also common to have a class group chat, since it is useful, as we inform ourselves about homework, next tests etc., and in secondary, its even more common to have two class group chats, one without a "wychowawca" (I can best describe this role as a teacher who is organising trips, and is like a "guardian teacher" in school) and the other is with "wychowawca" just to have quicker and better communication with them, and thats also something you should keep in mind. Now, I was getting ready, everything was going smoothly etc., but then I remembered that my friend group from my school wanted to get a fit check from me just before I was to go to that birthday, so I just took the photo, chose the Share button in my library, pressed Messenger, wrote a text to be attached to the photo & SPECIFICALLY CHOSE MY FRIEND GROUP FROM SCHOOL TO SHARE IT TO, NOT THE CLASS GROUP CHAT. I am very sure of that, as the friend group chat has a way different name and profile picture than both the class group chats, and I was very conscious at the moment about what I was doing, also Messenger indicated that it sent the photo to my friend group. I was still preparing for the party after sending that photo, but something bothered me, and I decided to check if the photo actually got sent (as Messenger overall is a piece of shit and it sometimes cant send the image). Well, when I checked the app, instead of Messenger sending the photo to my friend group chat, IT GOT SENT TO MY CLASS GROUP CHAT WITH MY "WYCHOWAWCA". Immediately, I unsent it but a minute or two has passed between the time I sent the photo and the time I checked if it got sent, and so some people have already seen it. Thing is, I don't even know how many people have seen it before I unsent it, as everything just after I noticed it got sent to the wrong group chat has become a blur, I know that there were 6 dots indicating people, and I know one of them was grey and said either 1+ or 6+ which indicated that either one or six more people have read it, I'm not sure about that part at all since it's been a blur at this moment. I went to the birthday party and calmed down there as I got in the mood there but as soon as I left the party the fear and the stress all came back to me. My friend groups were both awesome and actually tried to help me but to no avail, as nothing honestly could be done, so they comforted me. I also confirmed that this glitch was happening on other people's iPhones (which I also use), so it isnt the only case of it happening. One of my classmates who is close to my friend group but not quite in the friend group has reached out to me and said that she could still see the caption of my photo, but not the photo. Turns out, Messenger also glitched on her iPhone, and showed her the caption of the photo, yet the photo was replaced with "Message unavailable" error saying that it can't be seen in this app. I and that classmate have started asking our other colleagues if my messages were deleted, she asked her friends, while I asked my friend group, all of them said that my messages were replaced with "deadname unsent message" (which is what should've popped up to my colleague, but it didn't). I'm really worried, I'm theoretically in one of the most queer friendly schools in my region and even in the whole Poland, but I'm still scared, as I just started studying in this school in September, and honestly I don't trust my classmates too much, since some of them were rude to me and my friends. Also, some of them were saying some lowkey transphobic stuff, and while I did want to come out to them this year, I didn't want it right now, as I'm still kinda scared about it and I have trust issues (since in preschool and half of my primary school, I was constantly laughed at and bullied). I already reached out to my school's psychologist, as I have already come out to her, but she still hasn't read my message, let alone replied to it (probably since I wrote it yesterday at about 9:45PM). I'm worried about everything right now, since I don't know how many people have seen the photo, did the glitch that happened to my colleague occur more than once (I'm hoping not, but I'm also worried that it did and the bastards didn't say anything just because), and the most important - who has seen this photo. I'm very worried that people will start gossiping about me, that I might get bullied, I'm really just scared of everything. I have to go to school this Tuesday (Monday is an off day in my school this week, as people are writing their baccalaureates), and I'm really really worried about everything. I was getting ready to come out, but I wasn't ready yet. I don't know what to do now, anything, even just comforting would be really really helpful. Also thank you for reading this.

Title: Iconic Invitation.
Theme: Icon Series.
Battle Pass.
Pages.
Page 1.
Nathaniel Bandy (Skin)
NB Emblem (Back Bling)
Originality Strivers (Pickaxe)
Spinning NB (Contrail)
Bandy Wagon (Glider)
Nathaniel Explosion (Built-In Emote)
Striving For Originality (Emoticon)
No Pink Gold In My Territory (Spray)
N And B (Wrap)
The Curse Of Pandora (Music Pack)
Strived Originality (Loading Screen)
Page 2.
CourageJD (Skin)
Courage's Lion Mantle (Back Bling)
Cour-rage (Pickaxe)
Roar Of A Courage (Contrail)
Lion's Mane (Glider)
Courage's Roar (Built-In Emote)
Man Of Courage (Emoticon)
The OG Squad (Spray)
Golden Courage (Wrap)
Lion's Roar (Weapon Mod)
Courage's Prowl (Loading Screen)
Page 3.
SergantAJ (Skin)
Scout Regiment VR Set (Back Bling)
Snap-Controllers (Pickaxe)
Sergant Serpents (Contrail)
Sergant's Serpent (Glider)
Serpent Call (Built-In Emote)
AJ Of Serpents (Emoticon)
Serpent Ride (Spray)
Green Serpent (Wrap)
Serpent Siphon (Weapon Mod)
Above The Serpent Clouds (Loading Screen)
Page 4.
CaseOh (Skin)
Wafflehouse Snack Set (Back Bling)
Big Breachers (Built-In Pickaxe)
Falling Through (Contrail)
1-By-1 Piece (Glider)
Durability Test (Built-In Emote)
Built Like A 1-By-1 Lego Piece (Emoticon)
The Big Case (Spray)
GreenOh (Wrap)
Mary On A Cross (Music Pack/Jam Track)
CaseOh's Revenge (Loading Screen)
Page 5.
BigB (Skin)
BigB's Cookie (Back Bling)
Cookie Snatcher (Pickaxe)
Cookie Crumble (Contrail)
Cookie Disc (Glider)
Cookie Feast (Emote)
The Big-B (Emoticon)
The Heavenly Cookie (Spray)
Blue Cookie (Wrap)
Cookie Bazooka (Weapon Mod)
Cookie Heist (Loading Screen)
Page 6.
CinnamonToastKen (Skin)
Ken's Cinnamon Toast (Back Bling)
Cinnamon Toast Katana (Pickaxe)
Cinnamon Call (Contrail)
The Wings Of Ken (Glider)
Cinnamon Fire Suit (Built-In Emote)
Ken Of Cinnamon Toast (Emoticon)
Cookie V Cinnamon (Spray)
Cinnamon Dust (Wrap)
E.T (Music Pack/Jam Track)
B And Ken (Loading Screen)
Secret Page.
ShooshiMooshi (Skin) Talk To ShooshiMooshi (1)
Shooshifiying Glass (Back Bling) Find True Crime Clues (3)
Mooshing Katana (Pickaxe) Deal Damage To Hostile Enemies (2,000)
True Crime Dive (Contrail) Collect True Crime Case Documents (3)
Shooshi's Mooving Brella (Glider) Earn Or Collect A Victory Crown (1)
Shooshing Investigation (Built-In Emote) Emote As ShooshiMooshi (1)
Shooshi In Shock (Emoticon) Talk To Lacey About Her Uncle (1)
Plagued And Mooshi (Spray) Travel Distance With ODM Gear (2,500)
True Crime Papers (Wrap) Clean Up Crime Blood At Abandoned POIs (5)
Close Eyes (Music Pack/Jam Track) Travel Distance In A Sports Car While The Radio Is On (300)
True Crime Stopper (Loading Screen) Eliminations As ShooshiMooshi (10)
Bonus Pages.
Page 1.
Ghosttundra (Skin)
Tundra Cat (Back Bling)
Flash Game Corrupter (Pickaxe)
Rosio's Wires (Contrail)
A Cat Ride (Glider)
Lacey Jam (Emote)
Black Tundra (Emoticon)
Tundra And Kitty (Spray)
A Nightly Tundra (Wrap)
Lacey Jam (Music Pack/Jam Track)
Lacey's Creator (Loading Screen)
Page 2.
Nathaniel Bandy (Icon Blue)
CourageJD (Icon Blue)
SergantAJ (Icon Blue)
CaseOh (Icon Blue)
CinnamonToastKen (Icon Blue)
Page 3.
Nathaniel Bandy (Icon Shine)
CourageJD (Icon Shine)
SergantAJ (Icon Shine)
CaseOh (Icon Shine)
CinnamonToastKen (Icon Shine)
Page 4.
Nathaniel Bandy (Icon Lights)
CourageJD (Icon Lights)
SergantAJ (Icon Lights)
CaseOh (Icon Lights)
CinnamonToastKen (Icon Lights)
POIs: Icon Authority, Icon Island, Iconic Interceptor, Merged Playcare, Originality Omnistate, Courage Corner, Serpent Scepter, Wafflehouse, Cookie Institute, Cinnamon Center, True Crime City, Tundra Tavern, Lacey's Neighborhood, Lacey's Diner, Lacey's Petshop, Lacey's Makeup Parlor, Walten Campus.
NPCs: Spencer Tellin, Tony The Talking Clock, Springtrap, Baldi, Benson, Toodles, Hector Rivera, Cartoon Cat, Nephrite, Monika, Innovator Slone, Puss In Boots, Eren Yeager (Season 4), Mario [Movie], Lacey, Catnap, Bunbun, Sugar, Nathaniel Bandy, SergantAJ, ShooshiMooshi, Ghosttundra, Jay, Maisie, Terrance Goofy, Max Goofy.
Bosses: CourageJD, CaseOh, BigB, CinnamonToastKen, The Stalker, Lacey's Uncle, Walten Mistress, Andy Flores (Reincarnated)
New: Icon Flashlight, Icon Juice, Cookie Bazooka, Cinnamon Ray Gun, Nathaniel Bandy's Medallion, CourageJD's Gatekeeper Shotgun, CourageJD's Medallion, SergantAJ's Medallion, CaseOh's Suit, CaseOh's Medallion, BigB's Cookie Bazooka, BigB's Enforcer AR, BigB's Medallion, CinnamonToastKen's Cinnamon Ray Gun, CinnamonToastKen's Medallion, SooshiMooshi's Medallion, Ghosttundra's Medallion, Jay's Skateboard, The Stalker's Claws, The Stalker's Medallion, Lacey's Uncle's MK-Alpha AR, Lacey's Uncle's Medallion, Wallten Mistress's Powered Fists, Walten Mistress's Medallion, Andy Flores (Reincarnated)'s Stinger SMG, Andy Flores (Reincarnated)'s Medallion.
Unvaulted: Flashlight, Slurp Juice, Bandage Bazooka, Chug Canon, Kymera Ray Gun, Enforcer AR, Skateboard, Stinger SMG.
Vaulted: Rogue AR, Rogue Shotgun, Rogue Sniper, The Morse Savior's Morse Coded Auto-AR, The Morse Savior's Medallion, Morse Audio's Medallion, Don's Medallion, Darth Rogue's Lightsaber, Darth Rogue's Medallion, Miss Delight (GS Games)'s Barb, Miss Delight (GS Games)'s Rogue Sniper, Miss Delight (GS Games)'s Medallion, The Rogue Delight's Rogue Shotgun, The Rogue Delight's Tendrils, The Rogue Delight's Medallion, Catnap (Gametoons)'s Claws, Catnap (Gametoons)'s Medallion, Thomas's Gadget Blade, Thomas's Medallion, Garrett Bobby Ferguson Jr.'s Machine Pistol, Garrett Bobby Ferguson Jr.'s Medallion, Sammy Drowson's Repulsors, Sammy Drowson's Energetic Unibeam, Sammy Drowson's Medallion, E-Gadd Supply Drones, Poltergust-Repulsors, Rebirth Luigi's Auto Shotgun, Rebirth Luigi's Medallion, Pandora's Messenger's Medallion, Kado Thorne's Medallion, AphroMimic's Crossbow, AphroMimic's Medallion, The Duet's Twin Mag SMG, The Duet's Medallion, The Electric Wire's Charge Shotgun, The Electric Wire's Medallion, The Burnt Creative's Creativebending, The Burnt Creative's Medallion, The Immortal Rebirth's Fists, The Immortal Rebirth's Medallion, The Silencer's Medallion, The Smug Blood's Lightsaber, The Smug Blood's Medallion, Pandora's Powers, Pandora's Medallion, Simulation Jeffy's Striker Burst AR, Striker AR, Burst SMG, Suppressed AR, Prime Shotgun, Semi-Auto Sniper, Machine Pistol, Auto Shotgun, Pandora's Scythe, Pandora's Messenger's Scythe, Scoped Burst SMG, Kado Thorne's Scoped Burst SMG, Kado Thorne's Vampiric Blade, Fiend Hunter Crossbow, Twin Mag SMG, Charge Shotgun, The Silencer's MK-Silence AR, MK-Silence AR, Striker Burst AR.
LTM: Lacey's Comeback.
LTM Items: Lacey's Charm, Maisie's Grapple Hook, Jay's Skateboard.
Concert: Phonk Phestival.
Season Crew Pack.
HowToBasic (Skin)
Basic Egg (Back Bling)
The Spade (Pickaxe)
Not-So-Basic (Loading Screen)

This is part two, also ok to monetize!
Gonna change up the dialogue a bit so it'll look like this!
[Actions and sound affects will be like this, basically all direction!] Character: This will remain the same for dialogue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Faint sounds of soldiers bustling about outside of a tent]
Prince: Hey there songbird, rise and shine. I said get up! [Prince kicks the prisoner] There, good morning. It's awfully rude to keep your captor waiting, you know. We have a long road ahead of us, and we're losing daylight with every second you waste coughing on the ground like that. Oh gross, you better not be about to puke. Get up, we're going outside!
[Chains rattle and unlock, Prince takes Prisoner out of the tent]
Prince: [Softly] Yikes... didn't think I kicked you that hard... Ahem. Are you uh... done there then? You're not sitting in the carriage with me if you're nauseous, it's simply not happening. Alright, good. Then get moving.
[Footsteps, wood creaking to step up into the carriage, and carriage door opening, horse noise?]
Prince: [Speaking to other soldiers] Pack up the spare tent before we ride out, I don't want any trace of us left behind here. We're too easy to track in such a large group as it is...
[Carriage door shuts]
Prince: Now then, where were we? Oh, I suppose you'll want to eat something. Here, bread and cheese.
Listener: ....
Prince: Well excuse me greedy, one would think you'd be grateful getting this much. Quit complaining, I already told you that won't go over well for you. Eat. And be quiet, I don't want to be distracted.
[Prince takes out a book, paper flips as he begins reading and marching sounds can be heard from outside the carriage]
Listener: ....
Prince: What-? I'm reading what the hell does it look like I'm doing?
Listener: ....
Prince: What I'm reading is none of your concern, and- what happened to 'don't distract me'? Shut up.
[Pause for several seconds]
Listener: ....
Prince: Do you have a death wish? Ugh, fine, if you really must know, it's about war strategy. Why are you surprised? No one has a perfect battle plan before they set foot on the field. Things always change, it's unpredictable. So, I like to keep my mind sharp. The more I look at these formations, the pinscher attacks, the lay of the lands around here, the more likely I am to be able to come up with an emergency strategy if we should find ourselves in trouble.
Listener: ....
Prince: Yes well, I've been doing this for... a very long time. I've been leading a battalion since I was sixteen, studying to do so long before that. I'm entirely qualified and capable, thank you very much.
Listener: ....
Prince: The why of it all is a rather long and complicated story, and frankly, it's none of your concern, Silverspoon. But the short version is my father only trusts the people he knows he can control to fill out his top spots. As his only son, I have a considerable amount of responsibility, that includes a leading position in the army. The troops feel better taking orders from their prince, a strong sense of loyalty builds when your ruler fights among you. Well, that and the grotesque punishments for deserters, that certainly helps to deter mutiny.
Listener: ....
Prince: How do we handle deserters? How do you think? If they're caught in the capital, they're strung up somewhere near the castle and executed, if I catch them, I slice their heads off and call it a day. Nice and simple. Are you done with your barrage of useless questions? I'd certainly like to get back to my reading.
Listener: ....
Prince: Medicine? What me-... were you eavesdropping on me? [Getting angry] Mind your own damn business! [Prince gets up, grabs prisoner by the jaw, so maybe audio gets closer?] Start acting like a spy, and I'll start treating you like one. [Prince sits back down] Tsk. [Pages flip] Sit there quietly, or you'll make me angry again.
[Audio fades out, scene change! Rain sounds from inside the carriage, marching outside, sword on whetstone sound]
Prince: [Sigh] This rain has really been slowing us down the last couple of days... hey, Silverspoon, do me a favor, yeah? Take this paper and quill and write a letter for me. I'll tell you what to write, but I'm, obviously a bit busy. I doubt you can sharpen a sword, but I'm sure you can write.
Listener: ....
Prince: Good. Alright, write down what I say starting now. [Pen scribbling throughout] Troops delayed through poor weather. Supplies will be short with the extra time it will take to reach our destination. Prepare to house and feed soldiers, make preparations swiftly, we'll arrive two days after you receive this letter. Comply with this royal order, or be labelled a traitor to your country.
Listener: ....
Prince: A threat? Well, yes, I guess it's a threat.
Listener: ....
Prince: Because people simply comply better when you hold their lives over their heads on a string. It's just tactical efficiency. What do I care if I scare them? That's kind of the po- [The carriage shakes a little from going over a bump, the sword and whetstone fall to the ground]
Prince: Shit, where did that go...?
Listener: ....
Prince: What? [Irritated] Oh- I suppose I am bleeding. I guess that's what I get for trying to catch a falling sword.
Listener: ....
Prince: No, it doesn't hurt, I'm fine. Don't think fawning over me with your pitiful feigned concern will earn you anything towards your freedom. I've hardly sunk so low to need your care. I'll just stitch it up, it's not a big deal.
Listener: ....
Prince: Yes I know it looks deep. I told you, it doesn't hurt. Hand me my bag, it has a small suturing kit. I'm admittedly quite prone to little accidents like this. It's handy to have around.
[Listener passes him the bag]
Prince: Hm... well I guess this does pose a problem. I'm left handed, unfortunately. Can you sew?
Listener: ....
Prince: Good. Make yourself useful then and stitch up my hand. It doesn't have to be pretty, and don't concern yourself with the pain. You could stab me with that needle a hundred times, it wouldn't bother me.
Listener: ....
Prince: In simple terms, I have an exceptionally high pain tolerance. Gets me into trouble now and then. Less talking, just sew.
[Pause]
Prince: I guess that's good enough. Maybe you're not entirely useless after all. Just almost entirely. Anyway, are you done with that letter? Give it here, I need to seal it before I give it to a messenger.
Listener: ....
Prince: Of course I can seal it on my own! I cut my hand, it didn't fall off! Don't treat me like a wounded animal, if I were you I'd only be concerning myself with my own wellbeing in a situation like this. Don't forget, I'm your captor.
Listener: ....
Prince: Oh like hell! I haven't 'been nicer', taunting you just got boring. If you start to let your guard down around me, I will take advantage of it without hesitation. Especially since you seem uniquely talented at pissing me off. There, the letter is sealed. I told you I could do it on my own.
[Prince on the carriage window, window opens and the rain gets louder]
Prince: Pass this along to the messenger, tell him to ride on ahead on his own to the next village.
[Window closes, rain gets quieter again]
Prince: There, that's taken care of now. If I'm feeling kind later, maybe I'll even let you sleep in a bed for a night when we get there. I can see on your face just how well sitting on the rock hard ground has been treating you for sleep. Not that any of that is really my problem.
Listener: ....
Prince: My sleeping arrangements are actually quite comfortable thank you. The perks of being the army commander. Why are you talking so much, anyway? Are you bored?
Listener: ....
Prince: A game? Fine, I doubt it'll hurt anything. What kind of game?
Listener: ....
Prince: A game of questions sounds dangerously close to a bonding activity. If you're trying to get in my head, that won't work. You wouldn't be the first to try it. Fine, we'll play your game, but I'm going first. What was with the cheese roll obsession back at that banquet dinner? You... practically ate all of them. Frankly it was horrific.
Listener: ....
Prince: That... might just be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Whatever, any answer is better than no answer. Your turn then.
Listener: ....
Prince: [Exasperated sigh] I should have known this was a damn ploy to learn my secrets. The cut doesn't hurt because I can't feel it. Well- I can feel my hand of course, obviously, but I can't feel the pain. I never could. Interestingly enough, the palace doctors thought I was faking it as a child. I scraped my knee one day, I have no idea how it happened, but my retainer at the time brought me to see them. Apparently it was a bad scrape, and the doctor didn't believe I felt no pain, so he had me close my eyes, and tell me where his hand was touching. He was trying to catch me in the theoretical lie, he pushed his hand right into the cut. I didn't flinch, and I guess it made him angry for some reason. So he took a candle and burned my leg. I opened my eyes to look at him, but I never flinched. He freaked out, called me a monster and ran. I guess I was probably giving him a death glare, so maybe I looked like one. But honestly, what a moronic thing to do. I was maybe four or so, what would I have had to gain from deception like that? I don't know exactly what caused me to be this way, but I've never experienced pain. It's some sort of physical condition, there are a few other caveats, but I've told you more than enough for one question. Apparently people like me don't live very long, because we don't realize when we're hurt. But, fuck that, I'm not dying until I'm good and ready. Now it's my turn again... hm...
Listener: ....
Prince: [Scoffs] Please, don't give me that look of pity. It's laughable you think that little story is worth a look like that. No one is treated fairly in this country, it's what we're known for. Four years old, or forty. I resent your concern, stuff it back in whatever fucked up compartment of your brain it came from, Silverspoon. Now, have you ever-
[Prince freezes as the ground rumbles, a screeching of some kind of giant monster can be heard moderately close]
Prince: What... the hell... was that...?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Part three is due uhhhh... soon!

My (M17) parents got divorced 2 years ago. I would be relieved if they let the drama go after they split, but they didn’t. They continue to argue and shit talk each other to me and my siblings (M15 and F12) constantly. It’s really awkward. It causes more issues in the family and we are often used as messengers for their week-long fights.
My mom has been dating this hick named Steve for a bit less than a year. I fucking hate him. Now instead of just having to hear my mom shit on my dad for everything, I have to hear Steve do it too. He moved in with us and he acts like he runs the house and is our dad and is in control of everything. My mom says she likes that he “takes initiative and leads and is a strong family man” and other bullshit like that. It’s ironic because Steve has 2 little kids of his own with his ex-wife and never sees them.
I see my dad on the weekends and have always preferred him & his house over my moms but ESPECIALLY now that fucking Steve lives with us. He’s constantly on our asses about EVERYTHING. Like micro-managing and helicopter parenting us. Maybe I’m just not used to parents giving a fuck about what I do but JFC I am sick of it. Like he made us all (even my mom) get life-360 so he could “keep an eye on us.” Hes yelled at me multiple times for going out without asking my mom AND him (i usually let her know if I’m going out anyways, but that’s not good enough for him)
He constantly comments about the things I eat and what I like and how I dress (he does this to all 3 of us but I dress most “alternative” compared to my siblings.) It gets so annoying. My mom clearly likes him a lot but they get into these weird fucking arguments infront of us?? I don’t even know if you could call it an argument. It’s just like extreme passive aggressiveness all while smiling. It’s so fucking WEIRD.
Big kicker for this all had to do with my boyfriend Alex. My parents know I’m gay and they’ve been chill with it. Steve is not cool with it at all. He is so weird to me/us and will make jokes about how he “doesn’t want my AIDS” (I don’t have aids) if I eat something that the family shares (ex. chips). He laughs about it like he’s joking, but I think there’s some genuine disgust coming from it. He talks about how I “rub it in his face” (just exist with my boyfriend) and how I just “haven’t found the right girl”
It is so. Fucking. Annoying. I don’t rub my gayness in his face. I rarely even talk about being gay to anyone because it’s just… not interesting. But somehow thats still too much to him LMAO. He talks about it more than I ever have.
I told my mom this makes me uncomfortable. She told me that Steve is just from a different area (he’s from Texas, we live in California) and has been raised differently. I said that it’s not really an excuse because he’s a grown ass man and can form his own opinions. But, obviously I can’t control what people think, I don’t care if he’s homophobic, I just care that he won’t shut the hell up about it. I asked her to ask him to atleast stop with the comments.
I’m assuming she didn’t tell him or he just doesn’t care, because the comments didn’t stop. One time we were having dinner and Steve was talking to me and I was just giving really short, uninterested answers because i was annoyed. After dinner my mom pulls me aside and tells me “it breaks my heart that you don’t like Steve!! He tries his best to connect to you and you just completely reject him!” I told her basically everything I’ve just wrote. She says that I am “being so unfair and mean and that Steve is my step dad and he loves me and he’s a better dad than my actual dad will ever be.” We get into a bit of an argument about my dad and Steve trying to be my dad. I tell her I will never see him as my dad ever and she was so mad at me after that. She tells me I’m causing unnecessary issues in the family and that I’m being rude and how they just want to have peace in the family (again. So fucking hypocritical, but okay!)
She grounded me from going out for a week (besides to school and work of course) and she made me help Steve with house/yard work for the past week so we could “bond.” We didn’t bond. He told me doing manly things is probably good for me. (assuming he said this because im gay. Also I don’t dress/look/act feminine but whatever)
I’m soo sick of it. My mom has been weird towards me all week. Im going to my dads for the weekend after school and I’m so fucking grateful.

Okay I'll admit it, maybe I knew a tad too much about computer hacking and modding for a 10 year old kid. There's nothing wrong with being a tech nerd. I was just into it for all the wrong reasons. I liked to prank my friends online. And I don't just mean rickrolling them or changing stuff on Wikipedia. I was a bad guy. I would delete valuable items from my friends' accounts on their favorite games. I'd find out what creepypastas scared them the most and then change pictures on their most visited websites to them. I just thought it was funny. I liked watching them use every swear word in the dictionary or fall out of their seats after a jumpscare.
My favorite victim was my sister Ella. Boy did I enjoy screwing around with her stuff. She was obsessed with that game Animal Jam. The funniest thing I ever did to her was getting her first account banned the day after she bought her membership. I downloaded a bot that allows you to mass send the same Jam-a-Gram to everyone on your buddies list. I also figured out how to make someone your buddy automatically without them having to accept your friend request. I logged onto Ella's account and automatically friended everyone in the same land I was in. Then I mass sent them inappropriate Jam-a-Grams until people finally reported me enough to get Ella permabanned. I still laugh thinking about the temper tantrum she had.
I felt a little bad knowing that our mom had spent her own money on the membership card, so I told myself I wouldn't mess around with Ella's membership again after she got a second account. I still played other jokes on her like making her switch animals at random or changing her den to a giant model of a phantom (which she was terrified of). Eventually she got tired of me screwing around and locked her den. Fair enough. But that wasn't gonna stop me. If I could make all minigames unwinnable, I could easily bypass the "only me" den lock setting. So I did.
When I got inside her princess castle den, everything was where she last left it. I opened the decorating menu and noticed that there were animals inside the castle. They weren't moving, so I thought they were just plushies. I moved my tiger character closer to the animals. They were all horses. Not plushies, but the animal character models. None of them had a username tag that I could click on. They were all gray and were all in the sitting pose facing each other. I made my tiger run around their circle a few times, thinking they'd acknowledge me. The horses just stayed still. I typed "Hey guys" in the chat. My message popped up in the speech bubble and stayed there for a few seconds. It disappeared with no response.
That evening I asked Ella to show me her den. She opened the decorating menu and the gray horses were gone. I chalked it up to being something left over from when I messed around with the phantom models.
My friend asked me to raid the den of this user that was cyberbullying him. I was going to put so much furniture that it would overload and make the game severely lag to a point where if it didn't crash automatically, it would take about a minute for your character to move a couple steps. I bypassed the den lock and was about to get to work. Then I saw the two gray lions in front of me.
"I'm stronger." said the first lion. "I'm smarter." replied the second. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be a little troll. "You are both weak and dumb", I typed in the chat. The lions turned around to face me. "But only one of us can go." one of them said. Forgetting what I came for, I stayed around to hear what they were talking about. There’s nothing like some good Animal Jam drama, right?
“So the question is, which one of us does the new paradise need more?” asked one of the lions. This was strange to me. Nobody talks in complete sentences and proper grammar in this game. And what was the “new paradise”? Surely they must be roleplaying. Why not join the fun since I’m here? I asked what roleplay theme they were doing. They didn’t respond to me and kept speaking to each other. “We need to decide now. The end is approaching fast.” I barricaded the whole den with furniture like I was supposed to, and went on my way.
I went to Jamaa Central to go shopping, and noticed there was a crowd around the Mira statue. Surrounding the statue were three different animals: a bunny, a fox, and a sheep. They were all gray and didn’t wear any clothes. Everyone else sporting their usual colorful fur and accessories looked upon them from a small distance. It was almost like there was some sort of imaginary line separating the two groups.
“Mira’s feathers have begun to fall.” said the sheep. “We have been ignoring nature’s warnings for too long.” added the bunny.
No one else was talking. There wasn’t anyone advertising what they had for trade or inviting others to play a minigame. All of the animal avatars were turned to face the statue.
“The inevitable destruction of Jamaa awaits. Your existence will cease to be.” the fox said. This piqued my interest because I thought it was some weird roleplay. I decided to join in with what little context I had. “Soon, your den will be filled with phantoms!” I said in the chat, playing along.
The gray animals spun around to face me. “The tiger is a false prophet.” announced the fox. I responded with “Rude :P “, using the silly tongue emoticon. If these guys were gonna screw with me, then it’s only fair I mess with them, right? So I clicked on the fox’s player card and sure enough, she had a locked den. I knew exactly what I was going to do: make my little prophecy come true and turn her den into the giant phantom model. I bypassed the den lock and watched the loading bar fill.
When the game finished loading, I was alone in total darkness. The sidebar with your Jam-a-Grams and friend list was gone. There was no globe button to return to the map, but there was a name tag for the location- “The Ark”. I tried to walk around, but my tiger didn’t budge.
Two spaces to the left and right of me lit up like spotlights and revealed a gray monkey and fox. They were displaying strange animations I had never seen before. The monkey had its eyes closed and hands clasped together, as if it was praying. The fox raised its tail and rested its head on the floor. There was no music but the sound of a flowing stream.
Behind them stood a horse bowing its head repeatedly and an eagle with its wings folded in, concealing its head. I wanted to ask what this place was, who these people were and why I was there. I tried to chat, but I could no longer type freely. I was restricted to Bubble Chat, a list of generic Animal Jam-approved phrases to help you navigate the game (such as “Let’s be buddies!” or “How do I earn gems?”). But these phrases were definitely not part of the usual Bubble Chat list. Some of the options I saw were: “Oh Mother Nature, bless me with your kindness.” “Amen.” “The flood is coming.” “You aren’t worthy of salvation.” “Listen to Noah’s warning.”
I felt something that I had never felt when playing Animal Jam before. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be here.I don’t know what I stumbled upon, but I knew in my heart that I found something bad. Someone really didn’t want me to see this. I’m worried that whoever is trying to keep this secret would do anything to make sure it didn’t get out.
The area continued to illuminate, revealing even more animals in these strange positions. At the end of the room was a large wooden boat with a door that looked like you could walk through. It opened and out came a gray wolf. He had the skull eyes and was the only one wearing any items of clothing; he had what looked like some sort of cane or scepter on his back. Chat bubbles appeared over every animal, which had the same message: “Hail Alpha Noah”. They repeated the message every few seconds.
“Cease exaltation.” said the wolf’s chat bubble, stepping out of the shadows. The other animals stopped talking. He walked into the center of the room. “It appears that we have saved the last voyager, have we not?”
“Yes, Alpha.” said a sheep. “We have saved the tiger.” The sheep turned towards my avatar, and the other animals followed suit. I clicked around desperately, hoping to find a way out but to no avail. I had no idea what was about to happen next and I wasn’t exactly eager to find out.
Noah the wolf drew closer. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it was only a children’s game. Nothing was going to happen to me in real life. I shouldn’t let that creep me out. But what if I stumbled across something that really was evil? My imagination ran wild. Was this a front for some sort of real criminal activity? Was I being drawn into a plot? Why do it on Animal Jam of all places?
My worries were soon interrupted by a pink and purple panda running out into the middle of the circle. I thought that help had arrived. Finally, someone who looked like a regular player. Maybe she could help me get back to the normal Animal Jam map.
“Hello?” the panda called out with her chat bubble. All of the gray animals sharply turned towards her. “Who are you and why are you here?” asked Noah. The panda told him her username and that she tried to follow her buddy somewhere, got lost, and ended up in this weird place.
“We already have a panda on the Ark.” said Noah. “You don’t need to be here.”
I don’t understand. Why was this random player not needed, but I was? It seemed like we were both just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Wait. That’s not right. The panda said she got lost on the way to somewhere else on the map. I was prying around in other Jammers’ dens. She didn’t mean to come here. I asked for it.
The panda asked Noah how to get back to the world map. “I am deeply sorry, but I cannot grant you salvation. You are simply not fit for the Ark, yet I cannot let you return to Jamaa either. If you go back and tell everyone what you experienced, you will only stir up jealousy among the other animals over who is worthy of salvation. Then the Ark will be overcrowded, it will sink, and no one gets saved.” This speech was divided up into several chat bubbles because of the character limit.
Noah walked back to the giant boat. “Let this be a reminder as to what will happen to the heathens when the Great Flood strikes. Praise Mother Nature and be grateful to me that you were fortunate enough to be the single member of your species that will live on.” All of the other animals turned their backs on the panda. I did too, out of fear.
The middle of the circle opened up into a deep blue water texture, almost like the ocean. The panda’s still model bobbed up and down beneath the waves. Every time she disappeared behind the water and came back, she sank down lower. Then she closed her eyes, transitioned to the sleeping animation, and sank down into the dark water until she couldn’t be seen anymore.
I just saw an animal avatar drown.
After seeing that, I knew what I had to do: fit in with this group or else. Only move when they move. Say what they say at the same time they do. I know that nothing happened in real life to whoever was behind the panda character. I still didn’t want to find out what exactly that was.
“Shed no tears for your heathen friends and family. Turn your backs on them like you did just now.” said Noah. “Oh, I have forgotten a very important matter. The last voyager.” He prowled towards my character from across the circle. All eyes were on me now. I started to fidget in my seat. I don’t know what the “last voyager” is, and it doesn’t sound like a very good thing.
“The tiger. He represents vitality and luck. We are so fortunate to have found the great tiger after so long. You truly possess these traits, constantly finding yourself surrounded by wealth and fortune.” he said. “Do you believe you embody the tiger’s greatest traits?”
I scrolled through the Bubble Chat phrase list and found “Yes.” I didn’t quite get what Noah meant, but if I appeared confident, he probably would leave me alone.
“Then drink from the water of Mother Nature’s sea.” A golden cup appeared next to my avatar. I assumed it worked just like the hot cocoa or smoothies, so I clicked on it to drink. Surely enough, it shrank and disappeared just like I expected it to.
“Rejoice, voyagers, for our toils are finally over. When Mira releases her tears and floods the world, we are prepared. We will be saved. We will be all that remains of Jamaa.”
Everyone entered into the strange praying animation I saw earlier. I clicked the animation menu and there was a button with a boat. I clicked it and the tiger sat, bowing its head.
The room illuminated once more to reveal a giant clock set to 12 o’clock. The sound of a church bell rang out.
The clock started to tick backwards.

I (24F) have an older sister who is 19 years older (She was born in the 80's) than myself. She lives overseas with her husband and three children. Recently, we got into a fight about the way I dress.
To give context, a friend of mine invited me to a joint birthday party for the three of us (from my group of friends) whose birthdays are all near each other- so basically just a giant party. I have to admit that my outfit was a bit revealing on the top but that was it, and compared to the other people at the club (mine was very tame to say the least).
Additionally, to give context, I am working already so I have two separate instagram accounts, one for the public and a dump account for my close friends (which she was also a part of).
I posted that photo and the next thing I knew she messaged me asking to delete it, because she was concerned that people from my work would see that- totally understandable and I told her that "No, it's okay that's my dump account for my close friends". Which she then responded with "Seeking attention 🤢 don't be trashy". I was very shocked by this response. I understood what she was trying to say but the delivery in itself was very rude.
I have always been a good student, I admit I can be a bit hard headed sometimes but I always made sure to give back and apologise for them. I give back to my mom (she's a single parent and my father died years ago so it was only the three of us). I was a working student and paid my own tuiton fee, I never asked her for money in anyway and have always been a good influence to her children who are all under 12 years old (I am the proclaimed, "Favorite Aunt")
Going back I responded, "Excuse you, don't ever call me trashy ever again" because again I never expected that from her. She had always been very supportive and loving. I actually expected those words from my very catholic mother, but never from my sister.
Blocking her from all my social media accounts, I forgot that I was part of a messenger group with her and our mom. Wherein she messaged, "You are so immature, grow up, and clean your social media".
I got annoyed so I told her that she was being very rude and could have worded her message nicely clarified that once again that account was private and for my friends only. I also told her that I did not expect to be judged by her.
She then implied that my friends might be judging me too and I was like "Duh of course they would, they're my close friends"- we've all been close since middle school days. I then said "back at you" and she got super OFFENDED of how I didn't know here friends 🙄 THAT WAS THE POINT she implied that first so I didn't get why she was so offended.
I told her that my dump IG account was supposed to be my safe space and once again she retorted, "So ano pinaglalaban mo (Then what are you fighting for)?"
I explained it to her clearly. that it was the principle and the tone of her message, I said that I understood, I just wanted to clarify why did she have to be so rude about it. And next thing I knew she goes of into a tangent about how nobody will respect me because of my clothing blah blah blah.
TO BE CLEAR, I work for a corporate company so all that we wear there are professional clothing. Of course, once again nangigil talaga ko kaya sabi ko, "Pinipilit ba kita na suotin mo to? hindi diba? does your children see it? hindi din diba? So I told her to leave me alone"
Long story short, we kept going back and forth and basically at the end of all this I don't have a sister anymore.