School starts hillsborough

I have so far been up all night as I can’t fall asleep for nothing. I have been stressing so much lately and there is nothing that can ease the stress.. on top of the thoughts of what can happen to the baby long term medical wise from all this stress. It’s honestly so much eating away at me and I just don’t know what to do with these thoughts. I am going to just write away everything that’s been eating away at me.. that is why this is going to be very long as it’s been a lot so far… I got off birth control in December as life was going amazing and it was giving me awful migraines as I was rearing my third year being on nexplanon. I knew that there could be a possibility of getting pregnant and honestly with how life was going the thought of potentially getting our boy as we have two girls right now was really exciting me. I have been working from home and recently got a huge raise and things were looking great. A month after getting off the birth control I started feeling weird, that intuition feeling came. Shortly after, my job that I had been with for almost 3 years randomly lays off a lot of employees including me with no notice or anything. I thought it would be a long term job but they eventually grew financial issues. Of course I didn’t want to abort this baby just because my job laid me off. I am a very independent person so of course I would do anything to make sure me and mine are straight. I start back doordashing full time from 9 am to 9 pm and I stay an hour from the nearest city so the stress of wear and tear on my car has always scared me but you gotta do what you gotta do as a parent. Of course they say I’m eligible for unemployment and I’ve tried endless times to file for it and they always denied me due to work searches as I wasn’t applying to the right places when I was applying EVERYWHERE. No matter what I put. Every week would get denied cause of this and the phone number is impossible to reach someone. So I’ve given up on unemployment. We lived off of our tax return plus DoorDashing which I really wanted to save this money. The work search has been so stressful. I got a seasonal job and did amazing at it working up to 18 hours overtime one day but they over hired people so there was way to many people to consider hiring everyone full time so once it ended less then a month of working there that was it. Until I got a call from my dream job which my mom and my bf mom both work there and it pays way higher then what I’ve made on top of providing a hybrid schedule too. I felt it was a stretch applying but my resume looked really good so I went for it. I got an interview with them and the interviewer loved me and said he felt really confident in me and would like to offer me the position. Of course I’m overly excited cause this is my dream job. After filling out the onboarding and going to scheduled onboarding appointments they state there was only one issue stopping my onboarding which was a previous account with them that had restrictions on it that I was not aware of. I trusted the wrong “friends” back in high school 7 YEARS AGO with my personal information not knowing any better and they did fraud with my information and of course it fell back on me. I even paid back every owed penny from the fraud to clear my name to move on from that mistake. They never told me they also proceeded to put restrictions cause of it. So my onboarding was put on hold until I handled the restrictions. Fast forward a month later of struggling making ends meet. We have no more income tax money.. but at least I finally receive a response saying the restrictions would be removed. So finally we receive great news. I let the people know and they proceed to let me know that someone will reach out to me in 5-7 days and it has now surpassed that time frame with no response and I am just so scared that they won’t follow through.. It is now June and I have been struggling to get a full time job since February and I am holding onto the little ounce of hope that this job will follow through like they said… Holding onto that ounce of hope as doordash grew very stressful I decided to pull all of my retirement out from my previous job to put into savings in case we need it for an emergency especially if the car were to go out on us. on top of our apartment lease renewal coming up. We did NOT want to renew the lease because this apartment has treated us HORRIBLY since we moved in. We came from a clean bug free apartment due to the rent randomly increasing twice since we moved in it and moved 30 minutes to be closer to my OLD job and his family. We moved into this apartment because I had a work friend refer it to me saying it was her first apartment and she fell in love with it. Not knowing we were going to get the worst apartment building probably out of the whole complex. Since we moved in we could not look at the apartment until after the lease was signed and given the keys. We moved ONE box into the place and came back days later to move the rest of our stuff. We moved that box and SO MANY roaches scattered from it and we knew instantly we got played and that now all of our things were going to be roach infested now. Fast forward almost a whole year later we have tried endless methods to get rid of them such as boric acid, orthene, endless traps, endless raid bottles, ONTOP of the apartment buildings monthly pest control coming in doing whatever they do and WE STILL HAVE THEM. No matter what we do they are not leaving as I believe even tho we try different methods it won’t matter if everyone else in the building aren’t trying to get rid of them. They are probably being constantly rotated between the other apartments around us so it’s useless. I DO NOT WANT TO BRING MY NEW BORN BABY INTO THIS APARTMENT. On top of all the plugs in the walls has blown in the living room. I let the landlord know about this and they sent there only technician to check it out and they didn’t know what they were doing. They switched the power surge switches on and off and it fixed the plugs but they proceeded to go back out the next day. We haven’t even been there a year and the refrigerator has been tearing up like crazy. The whole bottom of it has ripped off cause apparently the adhesive is so strong when closing and opening that it slowly tore its own frame off. We had to use gorilla glue to glue it back on and it’s so far worked. On top of the rims around the door got so many rips in it. The door holders on the fridge can’t hold anything heavy or else the whole shelf falls off same as the door handles on the freezer so we have to carefully move things around it and put only certain things in those spots or else it’s all going to the floor. The first red flag of the apartment is there are no washer and dryer hook ups and that is honestly the least of our problems with this place.. the bolts on the dish washer are so tiny and unscrewed with time and randomly the whole dish washer completely fell down from being poorly connected to the counter. Whenever you open it to put dishes in you have to hold the racks or else the whole dish washer will fall forward and they will roll out with all the dishes in it. I’m so over this place and we have BEEN ready to move out. So once the 30 days came up I contacted the landlord about the 30 day notice that we were going to move out before the lease renewed. She proceeded to tell me with no emotion that they required a 60 DAY notice in advance prior to our lease end date and that our lease already renewed for another YEAR. She didn’t even try to help us out and did not provide any kind of notice or reminding about the 60 day notice. She just kept repeating that we signed the lease and it is written in the lease. She said if we move out we will be responsible to pay the months rent for each upcoming month until a new tenant moves in and takes over the lease which is very unlikely as they have full control on whether they want to move someone new in or continue to bill us the monthly rent.. So now we are trying to figure out how we are going to work out this New obstacle/road block and I am already halfway through my pregnancy. All of this stress has been eating me alive for the whole beginning of my pregnancy and it ALL came out of the blue. This is not how I pictured being pregnant with my third baby and I feel completely miserable right now. I am struggling doordashing all day just waiting for any kind of good news. We are thinking about ditching this apartment and going to stay with my mom until we find a full time job to afford a new apartment as we just want to start the process of this landlord potentially searching for a new tenant to take this burden off of us. We do not wish to pay two apartment rents as my credit is amazing and I know if they put any of this apartments owed rent when we move out on my collections it will ruin my credit.. we have been growing it for when we are ready to get our first home. So I know not paying it is not an option for me. I’ve just been wishing this ongoing nightmare will finally come to an end and I can finally receive any kind of good news. I was sooo excited about this pregnancy but now I have zero excitement for it as I have been through endless stressing and roadblocks the whole pregnancy so far. I am afraid that this stress and pain will affect the baby long term.. I do not wish to bring this baby into this apartment as I fully wish to be in a new upgraded apartment bug free when the baby comes in October my birthday month.. It’s just super hard holding onto any kind of motivation right now and the pain is slowly eating me up inside.. I just really needed to get all of this off of my chest and hopefully maybe I can finally get some sleep right now. If you read all of this.. thank you for listening and all I can really say is check on your people cause you never know what they could be going through as life can hit so random at times..

My partner and I have been on a feeding issue journey with our son since about April last year. He used to eat like any other 3 year old, was a little bit picky but nothing major, had favourite meals and snacks etc. Then slowly his oral intake decreased, he started refusing foods he previously really liked and it ended up with a hospital admission and a NG tube.
His weight bounced around in the early days but over the last few months we've found a high protein formula which he has as an overnight feed through a pump which has seen him slowly increase in weight.
He's had a dye test to check the speed of stomach emptying, an endoscopy with biopsies taken to check for any internal issues, but everything has come back negative so far. My girlfriend has been doing deep dives for information as any concerned parent would and feela as though a lot of the signs we're seeing point to ARFID. We've brought it up with his psychologist and dietitian and they also agree that he ticks a lot of the boxes for it also.
The reason for my post is to find any information, tips, tricks, helpful pointers that could be useful as we're sort of at the start of ARFID. One issue that we've seen that appears different to a lot of ARFID cases is a lack of consistent safe foods with our son. There's basically nothing that he likes and will eat on a regular basis, everything comes and goes, he might eat (X) Monday then not Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, but will eat it on Friday. He will also make requests for his lunchbox for school the night before and say he likes (Y) but then it will still be in his lunchbox the next day, untouched. A lot of people I've seen online have their own personal safe foods, a lot of which are packaged snacks etc, but our son doesn't seem to have that.
Also, please don't think I'm being ignorant or trying to generalise ARFID people, there just seem to be some very common traits from what I've seen. But I'm more than happy for people to correct me if I'm wrong.
Thanks.

is the last week of july a decent time to schedule an appointment? i am using the dc consulate. i’m a first year placed in madrid - i heard they don’t start placing much before the end of their school year at end of june so i figured this is a good time to book an appointment now since it’s available and 6 weeks out is 9/9. i’m trying to decide now since i’ll need to miss work, i am trying my best to get an early enough time that i hopefully won’t need to reschedule and scramble for another date

I am in grad school. My program is tiny so everyone has every professor multiple times for multiple classes. I am taking my last class with this professor. The course is an advanced psychology course.
I am a quiet straight-A student. I barely talk in this professor’s class cuz their classes are late at night and I am exhausted by then.
In the past, this professor didn’t call on me much but this semester, they are starting to call on me more often to ask these weird yes/no questions that catch me off guard. My slow processing brain has no idea how to generate a fast response so I end doing that small smile and shrug I do whenever I am uncomfortable and don’t know what to say. However, this type of stuff is happening enough that I am starting to prepare for it.
For example, while lecturing about how different ppl define the word “trauma,” out of nowhere they called my name and asked if it would be traumatic for me if I fail this class?
(I get all As with this prof so I am not worried but my initial thought in that moment was “wtf…no…why are you asking this?”).
Another example: They were lecturing about how severe childhood trauma can result in poor social skills and “off” facial expressions in adults (it wouldn’t shock me if this professor thinks trauma causes autism, ADHD, etc). Again, they call on me out of nowhere and ask if I would be friends with someone with a weird smile?
I don’t think my professor is doing these awkward yes/no questions with other ppl. I have been diagnosed with ADHD but not sure about autism yet. No one at my grad school knows about my ADHD diagnosis.
What do you make of my professor’s behavior? Based on the details mentioned, how would you interpret it?

Hi I (21, female) to get closure from my ex best friend. I was best friends with her since high school. I had a group of friends that we created in high school. Okay so full story is that, there was a guy who liked to flirt and harassed people to the point they were uncomfortable. My ex best friend came to me about this and we had our paragraphs moments back and forth. She started to trauma dump me about everything. I told her I’ll talk to this guy about it and make him apologize to the people he has harassed and set up boundaries. When she trauma dump me I felt overwhelmed because yes I want to help out my friends who are being harassed by this person. He a grown ass guy that should know what are the wrong and rights. Then I had friends leaving me because I was “friends” with the guy who liked to harassed people. I never said I was friends with him. But any ways I wanted to know that part of this semi story. To know the full context.
My best friend and I would talk about everything. The thing is everyone knew she was a bit toxic in her way but I didn’t see it. (Just to let you know I suck recognizing at who bad or good at people.) Until my boyfriend pointed it out to me what she been doing to me and making me feel. Every time I was near her I would feel drained or I would be upset because I felt stressed around her. The group we had were kind of like hypocrites, can’t say that but they can. Like if the gay can say the f word but other gay can’t say it because it wrong. Bad example, but we been having her and I problems. That I haven’t been hanging out with her but when I want to hang out with her she would cancel last minute. She would have a problem with my boyfriend. Saying that he bickering at her or other things. To the point she wrote me so many paragraphs, saying that her and I been taking our path. She saw me as her sister but now she doesn’t. She ended up blocking me for two months and then unblocked me like a couple weeks ago. I just need other perspective. There are other things forgot to mention but please don’t come to get me for it. I can post the screenshot to understand the situation. It just I needed to know if I was the ass in this story. Thank you for listening and I’m really sorry for my bad grammar.

Me (13F) and my father (38M) aren't really in the best talking stage ever since my parents got divorced.
I've always hated my father. He wasn't really the best and neither the worst, but I hated everything he did. Ever since I my brother was born (7M), I had to help my mother with everything around after I got back from school since all he was doing all day after coming home was eating and sleeping until 8PM. Where he would take a bath, eat, go to sleep again, and the routine repeated again and again.
I was the one helping my mother with the baths for my younger brother. Helping her make the food, cleaning the house and all sorts of chores. It wasn't something really hard at first, but she eventually went to work as well, which led to me being the one that had to clean the house and of course make food I leaned to cook for the rest, it was even harder with my father coming home, leaving his shoes around the house, his socks next to the couch on the floor, leaving the plates in the table for me to take and wash.
Moving on, when I was around 11, I went through my father's phone since I had to call my mother, and my phone was out of battery, I noticed a lot of messages on my father's phone from a woman, photos, flirting, calls, voice messages that I should've just left without listening. Of course, since that day, everything took a turn, and they got divorced. I was a bit devastated but as well happy that he was gone.
As years passed, he tried talking to me, getting to know me better and trying to get closer to me by buying me stuff I didn't even like and as well texting me every single minute. It was annoying and stressful because if I didn't answer, he would call me names and get all angry, starting to message my mother and send her all kinds of things. When he came to visit, he would go around the house and take some stuff instead of spending time with my brother just like he mentioned.
A few weeks ago, he took me to his apartment to meet his girlfriend and her son. I didn't know anything about the fact that she had a child, and it annoyed me that he took care of him far better than he took care of me, and his excuse was that he had 'autism'. Besides that, it was all going well until I heard him and his 'girlfriend' in the bathroom. It disgusted me so much. It made me so sick to my stomach that I ended up calling my uncle to pick me up.
Now, moving on to today, he decided to take my brother to McDonald's. When he asked me if I was coming, I said that I didn't want to go, especially with him. Keeping in mind that we were outside at his car, he got angry and started saying that he was 'hurt' and 'sad' that I didn't want to spend time with him, he obviously notices that I didn't care and switched to call me names. It irritated me so suddenly snapped, calling him a disgusting pig, the wors father someone could have, an jerk and I continued until I mentioned the thing that happened in the bathroom at his house, which obviously catched my neighbor's attention, looking at my father with a disgusted expression on her face.
Later on after that incident, he sent me a long paragraph about the fact that I embarrassed him and I should apologize but I refused. After he simply destroyed all my childhood, he really expected me to apologize to him.
AITAH?

My mother has always been kind of weird with communicating with me. Anytime I bring up anything exciting in my life I tend to hurt my own feelings because she doesn’t share the same excitement that I do. She has been on Xanax for the past year with a history of taking different anxiety/depression medication. She is a housewife with 5 kids with me being the oldest at 26 and the youngest being 6. She has her good weeks and bad weeks but something she has never been able to do was be happy for me or at least show some sort of emotion toward a huge chapter that is about to happen in my life. I believe the last time she has ever shown excitement for me was when I graduated nursing school, but that road was short lived when I decided I hated it. Since then I just feel like I’m being judged or that I’m just the family disappointment even though I’ve started my own business since then and it’s going really well.
She also doesn’t ever check up on me , call me , or ask me how life is going. Doesn’t ask me anything about my life or cares to even know. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells and trying to initiate conversation but this woman doesn’t start conversation unless I speak first. She lives less than 10 minutes from me and we see eachother every week . I’ve expressed that I feel like the black sheep in the family and my siblings literally treat me the exact same way. It just hurts feeling this way and I wish she would just give me more emotion than just an “oh cool” .
One of my biggest dreams growing up was starting a family and getting married to the person I love . I love the the thought of the big ceremonies and the whole wedding planning process. I want my mother to be apart of it but it’s so hard when she doesn’t even show she cares.

Hi there,
My family and I are considering a move to Norway (I have some family there already). I am English and currently employed as a DevOps Engineer. We're currently trying to work out if such a move is viable for my family. I have a 2-3 year old child and my wife is an EU citizen. I have a couple of questions that I was wondering if anyone would be able to answer about the work situation for IT in Norway:
1.) Are there many IT jobs? I can see a number on LinkedIn but am not sure where else I should be looking. Plus is there much in the way of green tech? That would be my preference!
2.) Is there much in the way of English language jobs? Obviously I'd like to learn the language if we live there but I'll need to start somewhere!
3.) What is the rough salary estimation for a mid to senior DevOps/Software engineer? As I need to know i'll be able to support my family for a good quality of life if we move.
and 4.) Is it tough to get a 2-3 year old into the childcare/school system? That is a potential issue where we currently are.
Any information or anything additional info would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

My(23F) little sister(21F) started making her own songs after not really doing anything for years and living off my parents money. I’m honestly happy for her she finally found her way in life and is doing something she is passionate about, and I think her songs sound amazing! The thing is, I’m in university studying to become a vet. It’s a lot of hard work and I love it, but I had to put a lot on hold to be able to do it. I have played piano for over 15 years now, and I used to compose my own songs. I also used to write poems often to manage my emotions and I wrote short stories that I posted online, and actually did really well. I haven’t been able to put much time in it for the past few years, but I’m still jamming sometimes and improvising on the piano, and I still plan on publishing a book sometime that I’ve been working on on and off. My sister never played an instrument until 1 year ago, and still mostly sings. She didn’t really write,apart from one time where she wrote a book in an old diary with pictures in it which she did because I had written a book for a competition and she got excited too. That wouldn’t matter at all, if not for the fact that my mom now brags about my sister constantly and how she was always ‘the creative one’ and how it makes sense that she ended up doing this as she was always the one doing creative stuff and writing as a kid. How everyone has different qualities and now she has ‘one creative daughter and one that’s in university’. I know it’s petty of me, but it really rubs me the wrong way. I used to be the one that made songs, wrote stories, poems. I even got to read one in front of the school after it won in a school contest. The fact I’m not doing that right now doesn’t mean that that’s not my hobby, or not something I like to do. My dad even mentioned it to my mom, saying my sister really wasn’t that into music or writing and it was me that did all those things as a kid. She brushed it off and keeps bringing up that one book my sister wrote and her playing music games on the ipad. Again, I honestly am glad she found something she likes doing, but I hate how this is now ‘her’ thing and all the stuff I did is non-existent, except my academic career. She always used to copy me as a kid and wanted to do everything I did, every single sport I was in and hobby I had. My mom found it cute and encouraged her, and it ended up always becoming ‘her’ thing instead of a hobby I or both of us did. It just makes me sad how even as adults, I’m denied of any of my own hobbies just because she does them now. Even now, apart from this I picked up crocheting and my moms first reaction was to teach my sister too, because she also wants to do it now.

I've known this girl for about a decade, I had a crush on her in high school but it passed because she had someone. We lost touch after a while and then found each other again. She had a boyfriend but the relationship was toxic and they were always leaving each other, then we got closer even though there was nothing between us, we behaved like a couple, cuddling, holding hands all the time, calling each other to sleep and so on. When I started to have feelings, I told her and she said she felt something too, but that she needed time to heal. I stayed close to her during that time.
During this time, we stopped flirting together but she always called me to sleep. Her boyfriend broke up with her in January and a guy came into her life 1 week after and they are together 3 weeks after the breakup but she was still missing her ex
Since then, I've suffered enormously, we don't go out together anymore, we don't keep each other informed about our lives, when I ask her out she always has some excuse. Our relationship has really gone to shit and I find myself begging to spend time together like before. But then again she's always busy, we didn't even spend time together for her birthday.
I feel I'm hurting and jealous of this other guy, I'm mad at her for flirting with me only to find out that she's not interested in me.I care a lot about her, but I'm becoming toxic towards her, demanding attention. Every weekend I feel lonely and I know she's going to ignore me again (because yes we still talk 5 days out of 7 and then every weekend she ends up not answering me even in the middle of a conversation).We used to go out every weekend but not anymore, I feel like I've been replaced by a guy in the space of 3 weeks.
And now she often doesn't respond me at all and we don't go out anymore
I ask you, what should I do for my well-being?

I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.

Hi everyone. I’m doing my bachelor studies, 3rd year in Russia. In my current university I have a lot of problems: sexual harassment from the teacher with kids and a husband (I guess this is not OK), teachers trying to make me do their work they getting payed for. Also no original research created, teachers just copy foreign papers and translate it to Russian, then get some extra money for publishing. I have a bad GPA since I started studying for myself and skipped many classes in this uni. I was working, collecting money to then transfer for some programs in Russia that are actually good, in a Top Russian university. But every time I tried to transfer, some problems started to occur. They mostly linked with army since we have a compulsory military service in Russia. I once was ready to transfer as well as the university was ready to accept me, but the draft board stopped me. So I’m still at this uni, but I really wanna study at a place where people are interested in research and education.
I had work exp in different laboratories there, in Russia. My work was mostly connected with Deep Learning and Classical ML methods applied for some tasks. However, for now I have 0 papers (I helped with research in a lab, but they haven’t included my name in the paper and I personally think their research sucks). I’m looking for some bioinformatics program now. I have several courses completed (Molecular Biology and Genetics) a little bit of Kaggle with drug design and EEG analysis also, attended computational neuroscience school. And several projects I created in laboratories I was working in (face verification for laboratories, training system for doctors based on Computer Vision methods and some other).
Do you think I should get a gap year somehow to do some research first or do you think it is still possible to transfer to some good university abroad with my current experience? The problem is that I only have Cambridge FCE B2 passed with merit 4 years ago, some projects, motivation letter. No VISA, anything else. I suppose this is not enough obviously. Do you guys have any advice? We also get much less money in Russia in average for the same work so I have a very limited budget. Could you recommend some universities that might be suitable?

Hello all, I’m 24 and I’m About to start as an aircraft maintenance/engineer at a light aircraft school. I’ve always wanted a job like this cause I’m hands on and love aviation so this is the perfect opportunity to go for it. The problem is when I went in for an impromptu interview with the chief engineer I noticed that the teams quite small ~10 and they are all older lot. Soon as I walked in and introduced myself to a few of them as you would, I noticed they’re not too thrilled about having me on board. Either they can tell I’m inexperienced or just don’t think I’m worthy. I even saw one of them put their head in hands as if to gesticulate dissapointment. My question is how can I integrate effectively with the team that have more experience doing the job than I’ve been alive? Eager to learn from them too so I really want this to work. Cheers

What do I do? I feel stuck, I love him but I feel like I'm a worse, sadder version of myself when I'm with him sometimes. I have dealt with some family issues with him and he has been with me through so much (throughout 7 years), I've been so stressed from college and family, he's been my rock. He knows every stupid thing I've done in the past, and for the first 2 years would make me feel bad for my past decisions I made as a lonely mentally and physically desperate teen that was used by boys. All I wanted was to be seen and wanted but I was used as an object since middle school until I met Him at 18. I regret the decisions I made and felt so embarrassed that he knew EVERYTHING. I'm not very sexually driven, but he is and I feel like he guilt trips me into doing things I'm not in the mood for.. but I've been raised as a people pleaser so I'm not sure if I'm just making myself feel like I have to or because he was visually express his disappointment until 75% of the time give into it to make him not sad.
We talked about this before and he has told me I never have to do it of I don't want to, but I can tell bt his facial expressions and body language that he actually doesn't care. I say this as I've seen and noticed how, I mentioned to him how much I read into facial expression, yet since then, I have never seen him so persistent by showing me how sad he is that I don't want to give him pleasure. And the second i say, i’ll do it or start something, he would get so excited and happy. Or am i reading too much into it?
I love our deep conversations about life and how we love to watch and analyze movies that have deeper meanings, but I feel like he doesn't value some of my ideas or opinions, trying to correct me on a thought I had or out do me. Sometimes I feel like he tries to attack my intelligence due to how easy it is and how self conscious I am.
I grew up having an optimistic outlook on life, especially due to trying to keep my family happy and make the most out of the time I had with my dad due to his constant deployments throughout my childhood. There's no time to be sad, we need to cherish and make the most out of the time we have with each other. But since being with Him, I've felt a shadow of darkness on my outlook on life. He grww up with a pessimistic outlook, but he was so much happier when we started dating. When I try to lighten the mood, he somehow dampens the room, creating my tries of positivity into, what's the point of trying. I enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I never planned on changing him, but why does he want to change me? I get so excited over the little things, I feel so overjoyed by things like seeing hummingbirds close up to literally anything, but I feel like he makes fun of me for it. I love giving people compliments, from their nails to their stripped pants. It gives me the biggest smile to see their face light up. But why do i feel like I can't be myself around Him? I feel like I'm too much and have to calm down so he doesn't judge me or look at me with a condescending look.
I understand that we need to feel sadness from time to time, but there's something about picking out the little things that gives me thr biggest smile.
I told him how I feel about how certain things make me feel. I'm a emotionally sensitive person and I will cry for making him feel bad. I've never been so anxious in my life, I know college took a lot out of me, but what made it harder was how controlled I felt by Him. I made no friends, I've always had trouble making friends but the people I would find similarities with were with men. Of course. I never had so many similarities with someone before and it was so nice to talk to someone I had stuff in common with. My bf and I don't have many things in common other than our perspectives of the future and our time spent together, but there are those little things like food and music or interests and hobbies.. im always open to His interests and would always show interest in what he likes, but I don't see him trying for me most of the time
But due to my past with guys, my bf doesn't like it when I talk to men, in general. I have never cheated on him and he always tells me I better not, even though I would NEVER CHEAT. I never approach men, or start conversations with them. But when I have to for class or work, I'm scared to tell him. I hate seeing him upset or angry. One time I had to be in a group with a guy, and he was literally me. I did not see ANY romance in our conversations, we were copies of each other from our interests to our childhood experiences. I was so nice to talk to him about our love of history, but I could never see me with him in any way more than that, copies. Does that make any sense? I meant to tell my bf about him but my fear his reaction stopped me. I know I should have, and my fear of conflict is no excuse for lying to him or not telling him about my group partner. My bf found out and he doesn't trust me. He randomly checks my phone and I feel like I deserve it, I do. I led myself here. I blocked the partner after the project was finished and I'm a terrible person for what I did to my Bf and the team member.
We started dating at the end of junior year and I was not planning on going to college with a bf. He followed me and hated the idea of long distance. My dream was to go to a college out of state and so that's what we did, together. I love him, he knows what makes me happy and we, almost, have the same humor. But I didn't imagine how stressful college was going to be with someone who never fully trusted you since the beginning. I don't know how to view this relationship.
This not at all me blaming him for anything. I've been thinking about how different I feel and have felt for years and I'm scared. I'm scared of change and disappointment. I have made my decisions and I have to live with them, I put myself in these situations and I tell myself I control my own life. I've been taking deeper dives in how I function and I'm scared im in a relationship that I won't be happy in. I say all of this but when I look into his eyes, all I see is my baby and his laughs brighten my days, but when I'm away from him, I feel like I can breathe unless some guy sits next to me in a class or talks to me at work. I love talking to people and with the place I work at, I feel alive around my coworkers. I have never felt a romantic interest in a guy but the second I mention him to my bf, he stares at me like I cheated on him.
I've been viewed attractive throughout these past few years, and I when I wear makeup he asks me why do I look this good and who are you trying to impress. No one, NO ONE I'm so TIRED of those words! I'm so sick of them because I do my makeup for my own pleasure, I love winged eyeliner and highlighter, I love how long my eyelashes get with mascara, but I will never wear makeup for the purpose to impress others, unless it's girls that wear winged liner too, I love talking to then about the brand they use and sharing tips and tricks. But we've discussed this so many times that it makes me sick. I understand but I don't understand why he keeps asking me this
We've talked about how he's been feeling more insecure lately due to his weight gain, but I ALWAYS give him reinsurance that I love him and will be by his side through this Rollercoaster we call living.
I'm all over the place. And my head hurts thinking about it all the time.
We don't live with each other but have planned to for years, and once I saved enough, we are, I'm excited and have wanted this for so long. But I like having my own space. I've always wanted my own place, my own kitchen, living room, just a place I control and manage with my things that make me feel brighter and optimistic, but I'm scared He's going to ruin it.
If anyone reads this, wow, I'm sorry. I've never told a soul this because I don't have money for a therapist (but I'll be getting insurance soon so I hope I can find one this year) and I need someone out there to just see and maybe comment on it. I'm so lost. Am I in love? I was, or was I ever in real love. I know I was and I'm. My feelings are so strong, I can't deal with them half of the time. I know I've made mistakes, trust me, I think about them too much to not feel ashamed all the time, but should I feel ashamed, I do. I've never cried so much I will say that. I'm sorry, I keep typing because I don't know what to do!
This was nice to get out. Thank you and goodnight

I’m aware how bad vaping is to my body, specifically sa lungs and that’s the very reason why I refuse to quit.
I’m done. I’ve been trying to look for a reason to fight and to survive, like purpose to live, or yung reason lang why I must not die yet but I really can’t find answer. All issues and situations in my life just lead to you know, giving up. Since I was a kid I’ve been working hard. I’m from a broken family but hindi ko yon hinayaan maging hindrance to have a normal life and to even excel in school kahit na minsan pamasahe lang papunta ng school pera ko (₱10-₱12 fare that time, around 30-min ride), nagsumikap pa din ako, diskarte na lang kung pano makakain and makauwi. And sa kabila non, mataas pa din grades ko, active sa extracurricular and I graduated with honors and several awards.
Nung college okay naman din, hindi honor pero never nag-fail sa subject. I was a full scholar nga din pala mula nung hs. Then kasabay nyan I also have side hustles, kung ano anong raket para dagdag baon and hindi maging pabigat sa mama ko.
I started working in the government right after I graduated. Walang pahinga pahinga, rekta trabaho as in tapos sabay din ng start ko sa law school, unfortunately di kinaya ng budget, katawan and mental health ko so I had to stop sa law school. I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer since I was little, kaya I was really disappointed with myself hanggang ngayon bc I feel like I’m a failure, and alam ko disappointed mga tao sa paligid ko.
9 years na ko sa government and ang tindi ng quarter life crisis ko. Gusto ko makapag-isa ulit ng apartment kasi I’ll be starting na sa training for the wfh I applied for and natanggap ako, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to focus since I need my solitude and serenity to function well. And simpleng ganon iguiguiltrip ako ng mother ko, the fact na I’m paying for everything dito sa apt ko, I was living na alone before pero sinamahan nya ko, ngayon parang utang na loob ko pa na sinamahan nah ko eh napakasimple ng gusto ko, mapag-isa. She used to live with my brother, well we’re all living together before ako huniwalay. It’s not like I’ll stop supporting them , ang sakin lang ay I want to be freaking alone. Gusto ko tahimik sa place ko, gusto ko maayos yung place ko, kung ano yung ayos na gusto ko, and araw araw nalilinis ko. But kahit yun lang di ko pa makuha. Sakal na sakal na ko.
When I was living alone before, I was able to juggle two jobs, one sa govt and one wfh, kasi nga nasa focus ako. Payapa ako. That’s all I’m asking.
Basta madami pa ibang reasons.
Basta pagod na pagod na pagkatao ko at katawang lupa ko.
Na-diagnosed nga pala ko with MDD and GAD in 2020. Nag stop na ko sa medication kasi ayoko maging dependent and para tipid din.
I’m not even 30yo pero yung responsibilities and problema na sinalo ko and nagkukusa din ako tumulong without my family asking. Kaso pano naman ako? Diba sarili ko lahat. Simpleng bagay di ko mabigay sa sarili ko, na makakatulong sana para mas maging productive ako, na at the end of the day para din naman sa kanila.
Idk. I’m too damn tired. Sorry some of you might say napakababaw pero di ko kasi maikwento lahat kasi iniisip ko pa lang nanghihina na ko. Mas lalo ko gusto bumigay.
Pa-vent out lang. Wala naman kasi ako mapaglabasan.
So ayun. Can’t unalive myself, I’ve tried many times pero di ko kaya. All I know is if may chance or may opportunity, di ako iilag or iiwas. Basta for now, magvvape na lang ako gang mamatay. At least may nagawa ako para sa sarili ko kahit harmful lol
Thank you guys. Mej gumaan. * sabay hipak *

Wow what was that episode??
I absolutely loved the monster of the week segment and how unique it was, I’m fascinated with the reporter’s take on the woods and their overall cynicism to the monsters while maintaining a level of respect to the folklore.
Hunter was being a bitch as always and I’m more than ever fearing for Amelia’s safety poor girl.
The UFO story was so fun and it was the break we needed before all the vandal stuff hit us like a freaking truck.
Speaking of it that was a lot, it did seem like Ava was not acting like herself from the start because of how the reporter talked about how she was before the pod started and now we know it was likely because she had to “prove herself” and I don’t think the knife stunt was the only thing she had to do to “prove herself” whatever that means. I think she might be “pulled out of school” and not seen at town under the excuse that she’s grounded or something.
On a lighter note I really want to know how that horse got to that bar and the jokes that ensued.
Fuck Hunter all my homies hate Hunter, with that being said I can’t wait for the next episode

So brief context muna tayo, I'm a (16F) and he/she is (16M) we're a highschool student, currently in Grade 10 (graduated na kami as of now).
so ito na nga nagsimula yun nung nagkaroon ng table skirting competition samin, magkakagroupo kami. Nung mga time na yun hindi ko iniisip or hindi man lang sumagi sa utak ko na magkakagusto ako sakanya, nung pumunta kami sa bahay nung isa naming kaklase para mag practice tina-try niya akong kausapin since hindi pa kami masyadong close and I'm a very introverted person (to the point na inaakala nila na may disability ako kaya hindi ako nagsasalita). he/she din everything he/she could para mapasama ako sa usapan or sa plano nila, wala naman akong sinasabi since maganda naman yung mga designs na sinasuggest nila, and after nun nalaman ko na walking distance lang pala yung bahay nila samin (hinatid ko siya sa bahay nila) and then kinabukasan nagpapasend yung tc namin ng sample ng design na aanohin namin, since malayo yung iba naming ka group nagchat siya sakin and nagpatulong para kaming dalawa nalang gagawa ng sample design, pinuntahan ko siya sa kanil,a and habang gumagawa kami ng sample, kwento siya ng kwento to the point na parang sobrang ramdom na ng topic namin kasi wala na siyang maikwento sakin, which is i found very cute.
After that interaction, napasama na'ko sa circle of friends niya. After a few months, unti unti kong napapansin na lagi kong inaabangan yung mga chats and mga rants niya, and lagi nalang siyang pumapasok sa isip ko(ang corny), lagi ko na ding inaantay yung mga aya niya late night walks namin (since ayaw niya magrant sa chat, gusto niya sa personal), nag start na din akong magcrochet and ibibigay ko sakanya (kunwari extrang gawa ko lang yun, or napapangitan ako kaya ko binibigay sakanya.)
He is very vocal sa mga crush niya na mga lalaki, minsan pag nag night walk kami "nagpopogi hunting" kami, and then one day, nung inaya ko siya mag night walk, napag usapan namin yung gender niya, na meron daw siyang crush na babae, then tinanong ko siya kung gay ba talaga siya or bi, hindi pa din daw siya sure, pero sobrang na a-attract siya sa mga lalaki. After that night, nagbibigay na siya ng mix signals sakin (or nag aassume lang ako?), like nung nagkapartner kami nung "Dress up your dream", sinabi niya na bagay daw since OA daw siya and nonchalant daw ako, and yung pag myday niya ng mga late night walks namin, yung pics ng shadows namin sa. gabi and yung mga pics ng milktea namin, and yung mga "Ice cream dates" daw namin lahat yun mina myday niya and yung binigay niya na crochet na ginawa niya na heart na nilagay niya sa id namin (yung mga tipong pang soft launch talaga)
and one day, nahahalata na nila na gusto ko siya, nagsimula na sila asarin kaming dalawa(jokingly? not sure). Ilang beses na'ko umamin sakayan indirectly (like sign language, spanish) and yung pinabasa ko sa kanya yung notes na sinulat ko, yung mga thoughts ko about sakanya, obvious naman na about sakanya yun (pero walang name na nakalagay) then tinanong niya kung para kanino daw yun, hindi ko nasabi sakanya kasi nahiya na bigla ako, and after that nakikita ko yung mga post niya sa fb na may nagbibigay daw sakanya ng mix signals, nag start ako na mag assume na tungkol sakin yun kasi lahat ng post niya tumutugma sakin, like yung pagbibigay ko sa kanya ng mga handmade gifts tapos magkwekwento ako about sa crush ko which is siya. naging ganun yung set up namin hanggang sa graduation.
Gustong gusto ko na umamin sakanya directly, kasi magkakahiwalay na kami ng schools pero nag aalangan ako na baka masira yung cof namin and yung friendship namin ng dahil dun, and isa pa, lagi niyang kinekwento about sa crushes niya and very vocal siya sa pagiging gay niya, while ako hanggang ngayun, di pa din sure sa gender ko, and isa pa ayoko din naman na ma pressure siya or mailang siya ng dahil lang umamin ako, hindi ko alam kung mas better ba na aamin ako or mag i-istay ako sa pagiging bff niya knowing na i have a hidden feelings for me.

Hi all,
I would like people to weigh in from different parts of the country, and different utilities.

1. Does your role require EE degree?
2. Are you called a Protection & Control Engineer or a Relay Technician? Or any other name?

I’ll start. In FL I was a “Protection & Control Engineer” and a EE was prerequisite to get the job.
Now in California I’m a “Lead Electrical Technician” and they hire folks with high school degrees as long as they have line of progression and pass a test.

So brief context muna tayo, I'm a (16F) and he/she is (16M) we're a highschool student, currently in Grade 10 (graduated na kami as of now).
so ito na nga nagsimula yun nung nagkaroon ng table skirting competition samin, magkakagroupo kami. Nung mga time na yun hindi ko iniisip or hindi man lang sumagi sa utak ko na magkakagusto ako sakanya, nung pumunta kami sa bahay nung isa naming kaklase para mag practice tina-try niya akong kausapin since hindi pa kami masyadong close and I'm a very introverted person (to the point na inaakala nila na may disability ako kaya hindi ako nagsasalita). he/she din everything he/she could para mapasama ako sa usapan or sa plano nila, wala naman akong sinasabi since maganda naman yung mga designs na sinasuggest nila, and after nun nalaman ko na walking distance lang pala yung bahay nila samin (hinatid ko siya sa bahay nila) and then kinabukasan nagpapasend yung tc namin ng sample ng design na aanohin namin, since malayo yung iba naming ka group nagchat siya sakin and nagpatulong para kaming dalawa nalang gagawa ng sample design, pinuntahan ko siya sa kanil,a and habang gumagawa kami ng sample, kwento siya ng kwento to the point na parang sobrang ramdom na ng topic namin kasi wala na siyang maikwento sakin, which is i found very cute.
After that interaction, napasama na'ko sa circle of friends niya. After a few months, unti unti kong napapansin na lagi kong inaabangan yung mga chats and mga rants niya, and lagi nalang siyang pumapasok sa isip ko(ang corny), lagi ko na ding inaantay yung mga aya niya late night walks namin (since ayaw niya magrant sa chat, gusto niya sa personal), nag start na din akong magcrochet and ibibigay ko sakanya (kunwari extrang gawa ko lang yun, or napapangitan ako kaya ko binibigay sakanya.)
He is very vocal sa mga crush niya na mga lalaki, minsan pag nag night walk kami "nagpopogi hunting" kami, and then one day, nung inaya ko siya mag night walk, napag usapan namin yung gender niya, na meron daw siyang crush na babae, then tinanong ko siya kung gay ba talaga siya or bi, hindi pa din daw siya sure, pero sobrang na a-attract siya sa mga lalaki. After that night, nagbibigay na siya ng mix signals sakin (or nag aassume lang ako?), like nung nagkapartner kami nung "Dress up your dream", sinabi niya na bagay daw since OA daw siya and nonchalant daw ako, and yung pag myday niya ng mga late night walks namin, yung pics ng shadows namin sa. gabi and yung mga pics ng milktea namin, and yung mga "Ice cream dates" daw namin lahat yun mina myday niya and yung binigay niya na crochet na ginawa niya na heart na nilagay niya sa id namin (yung mga tipong pang soft launch talaga)
and one day, nahahalata na nila na gusto ko siya, nagsimula na sila asarin kaming dalawa(jokingly? not sure). Ilang beses na'ko umamin sakayan indirectly (like sign language, spanish) and yung pinabasa ko sa kanya yung notes na sinulat ko, yung mga thoughts ko about sakanya, obvious naman na about sakanya yun (pero walang name na nakalagay) then tinanong niya kung para kanino daw yun, hindi ko nasabi sakanya kasi nahiya na bigla ako, and after that nakikita ko yung mga post niya sa fb na may nagbibigay daw sakanya ng mix signals, nag start ako na mag assume na tungkol sakin yun kasi lahat ng post niya tumutugma sakin, like yung pagbibigay ko sa kanya ng mga handmade gifts tapos magkwekwento ako about sa crush ko which is siya. naging ganun yung set up namin hanggang sa graduation.
Gustong gusto ko na umamin sakanya directly, kasi magkakahiwalay na kami ng schools pero nag aalangan ako na baka masira yung cof namin and yung friendship namin ng dahil dun, and isa pa, lagi niyang kinekwento about sa crushes niya and very vocal siya sa pagiging gay niya, while ako hanggang ngayun, di pa din sure sa gender ko, and isa pa ayoko din naman na ma pressure siya or mailang siya ng dahil lang umamin ako, hindi ko alam kung mas better ba na aamin ako or mag i-istay ako sa pagiging bff niya knowing na i have a hidden feelings for me.
I'm posting this because i just want to let off of my chest, since wala akong mapagkwentuhan regarding dito kasi parehas kami ng cof