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A lot of the time when the anime movies come up, I’ll usually see people praising its incarnation of Godzilla, even those that shit on the rest of the movies. Now I can get behind hyping up Big G in all his appearances, because it’s motherfucking Godzilla. Bro’s a giant dinosaur that fucks shit up with his atomic breath, and will either be delivering the most soul-crushing terror you’ve ever felt or having you cheer on as he supplexes another giant creature. But I’ve decided I’m done toeing the line, and I’m just gonna come out and say it: Godzilla Earth isn’t a standout of the anime trilogy to me. He’s not one of the better parts of the movies, he’s not being wasted in the films (at least as he is), he’s not a cool new idea for a version of Godzilla, he’s just as much absolute garbage as the rest of his source material.
Let’s start with a basic summary: Godzilla Earth is the main version of Godzilla that features in the Netflix/Polygon Pictures anime trilogy of films. This Godzilla has a unique origin as being a plant-like organism, the “end result of natural selection on Earth” that has adapted the best traits of many other creatures on Earth through horizontal gene transfer. To put it another way: he’s like Ultimate Lifeform Kars from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, but just naturally came out that way, is a kaiju instead of a human looking dude, and has no effective representation of that.
Godzilla first appeared in-universe in 2030, after humanity had been dealing with decades of kaiju attacks. Godzilla, as Godzilla is wont to do, quickly established himself as the baddest bitch around by systematically annihilating all life he came across, from humanity to the other kaiju. Nothing that anyone threw at him, even when the aliens showed up to try and fail with MechaGodzilla, did anything at all. By 2045, Godzilla had so thoroughly dominated the planet that the United Earth organization (composed of humanity and the two shitty, weirdly human alien species that showed up) could only try to launch a space colonization project and abandon Earth to Godzilla to survive. Godzilla reigned supreme, and spent the next 20,000 years terraforming Earth to become his domain, which included growing to be 300 meters tall, having a random mini-clone be created from cells of his that split off in the form of Godzilla Fillius, and then other small creatures known as Servum.
Now that we’ve covered the basic history of Godzilla Earth, let’s address the elephant in the room: from top to bottom, he’s a total fucking loser. Zilla arguably has more going for him than this guy, and I don’t mean the thundercock gigachad animated son there, I’m talking about the shitty CGI one from the movie.
First off, there’s the design. Godzilla Earth has a new origin unlike any other Godzilla, as stated above, by being an entirely natural plant-based organism that has evolved to represent the pinnacle of life on Earth. Sounds pretty cool, right? You would imagine then, that this Godzilla would have a new, creative design that reflects this origin well, while still being recognizably Godzilla, right? Nope, it’s just a crappy reskin of Monsterverse Godzilla. You could tell me that the anime’s design came from one of those achievement award skins in a video game based off the Monsterverse, and I would genuinely believe you. At best, the spines more closely resemble leaves then the irregular dorsal patterns, but man, that shit is weak. What’s worse is that the film’s concept art shows the designers played around with Godzilla’s features to represent different animals as the endpoint of Earth-based life, but decided to go with the most boring option possible. The models from the art style of the trilogy certainly didn’t do this guy any favors either…
It’s insane to me how badly this bungles what should be an easy layup. In the medium of animation, where the sky's the limit on what you can be doing, and in a story that gives care blanche to work with, Godzilla Earth somehow comes out as the most soulless and bland version of itself it can possibly be. Nothing about this design meaningfully expresses to me what this version of the G-Man is about whatsoever. Look at the other Reiwa’s: Monsterverse Godzilla looks like what it’s supposed to be, a version of Godzilla that naturally existed as a giant prehistoric animal. Shin Godzilla looks like what it’s supposed to be, a reinvention of the original’s concept of a creature terribly burned by radiation. Minus One Godzilla looks like what it’s supposed to be, a dinosaur that has been forcibly mutated by the atomic bomb and modern update to the iconic Showa/Heisei design. What’s the takeaway from Godzilla Earth? That you shouldn’t expect creativity or anything compelling from these movies?
What really gets me here is that while not the exact same, the creators of the trilogy did have a possible inspiration that was sitting right there for them to use: Biollante, one of the most popular kaiju of the franchise. On a visual level, Biollante’s two forms almost perfectly represent the origins of this creature and the themes behind it: a rose that has been mutated by Godzilla’s cells that has become a monstrous creature in its own right, a cautionary tale of what genetic engineering could lead to just as Godzilla himself was a metaphor for the atomic bomb. Obviously, it would be foolish to just try to replicate Biollante, but the point is that we’ve already seen how well a plant kaiju can potentially work out in this very franchise. Yet apparently, that’s too tall of an order for the anime trilogy, I guess.
Then there’s how Godzilla Earth actually interacts with the world around it. Again, in the medium of animation, many of the normal potential issues with making a movie or series with Godzilla go away: you don’t need to worry about the stilted or artificial nature of suit movement, nor do you need to worry about how the CGI will come out in live-action. The balls have been removed from your jaws to go to your court for you to dunk as you please. But as usual, the anime trilogy goes down the most painful route possible by having Godzilla Earth…just fucking stand there the whole time.
I’m not fucking around here, the Spongebob meme is entirely an accurate description of the range of Godzilla Earth’s movement. This bitch spends almost all of his screen time just sitting on his ass, barely moving around with the slightest waddle whenever the film decides there should be a paltry effort at action or to break up the terrible plot. I have seen newborn infants with more well-defined and fast-paced ranges of motion than this colossal tub of dirt. Godzilla Earth could never touch any version of Kong solely by how they’d be tapdancing around him like nobody’s business and take all the time they’d like climbing on him and taking potshots without fear of reprisal. It’s most blatant when the final film is insulting the collective intelligence of the audience by pretending Godzilla and Ghidorah are “fighting” when Ghidorah’s wormy little heads are biting Godzilla, and Big G is just floating in the air like he’s a stiff action figure being held up by a toddler while releasing the mild groans of discomfort of a middle-aged father on the verge of developing IBS.
I’m not saying the guy needs to have the acrobatic agility of the Showa era or the power walk of Heisei’s, but come the fuck on. Give us something to work with here. To again give comparisons: MV Godzilla’s movements are based upon how actual animals like bears fight (and as of GxK, wrestlers), reflecting its origins as a gigantic animal that’s part of the ecosystem of the world like any other. Shin Godzilla is awkwardly shuffling around and colliding with shit in its path (still more dynamic than Earth btw), because it’s a creature in a state of constant mutation and pain with no real awareness of the world around it. -1 Godzilla is deliberately seeking to cause as much damage to humans, and forced to be much more stiff from its radioactive burns compared to the natural movements we saw on Odo Island. But Godzilla Earth clearly was made on a shoestring budget by digital artists suffering under the cruel hand of Ellen Degeneres-esque directors.
It also doesn’t help that this dude has pretty much nothing going for him in terms of actual showings. Now sure, a lot of the abilities Godzilla Earth has sounds impressive on-paper: being the tallest Godzilla by far. Basically having his own A.T-Field with some electromagnetism thing. An incredibly powerful and precise Atomic Breath that can punch through the atmosphere. Charging up a roar that can generate a massive shockwave cone. Creating a plasma shockwave simply by moving his tail at MACH 3-4 speed with a 600 meter range. Even his own self-generated Burning Mode, that can go up to 3000 degrees Celsius. All of that sounds pretty cool, right?
But from the combination of how utterly immobile Godzilla Earth himself is, the lack of any compelling action sequences, and the exceptionally poor writing of the trilogy, all of that goes to waste. Godzilla Earth spends the majority of his screen time doing absolutely nothing at all, and otherwise performing what abilities he has that require him to be non-sedentary (hint: not many) at a glacial speed. It’s not like that glacial speed is one of the examples of giving the kaiju a sense of scale and weight either, the fucker is just a goddamn steamroller.
Nothing Godzilla Earth does feels like it has any real weight or power behind it, both because the story is so weak and the kaiju himself just is doing buttfuck all. Look at how Godzilla moves around Japan in the original movie, Shin or Minus, and how terrifying and awesome all of the destruction is. Because even if those are much smaller Godzillas that are constrained by the live-action medium for their time, they still feel much more powerful and dynamic because the movie actually lets them be doing shit. Or in Heisei, Millenium, and Monsterverse, where Godzilla is beating the shit out of other monsters-again, much smaller and limited by their medium, but they feel far more powerful because they’re in a movie that was made to actually give them a sense of power and might.
The closest Godzilla Earth gets to any kind of real display of power like its other incarnations is at the end of the first movie, where the humans are realizing Godzilla Fillius was just a branch off from the original. Here, we see him decimating the surviving forces as they try to escape, displaying an incredible degree of power in his destruction as the biggest Godzilla yet, with Haruo impotently screaming like the little bitch he is. Yet even that barely compares to any other action sequence in the franchise, because A.) nobody gives a single fuck about these characters to feel anything for them being attacked, B.) Godzilla Earth himself basically came out of nowhere with little to no real foreshadowing as the movie has framed Godzilla Fillius as the “true” Godzilla the whole time, C.) the setting is just a bunch of fauna that Big G is towering over which limits the ability to convey the power behind his actions compared to cities, and D.) all of the above points regarding how lame Godzilla Earth is I’ve been talking about. Then you remember this is the best showing the guy gets in this nihilistic edgepiece of a trilogy, and you realize it’s all just a deeper and deeper wellspring of shit. Doesn’t help that this scene just has some wannabe-Death Note choral music instead of the proper Godzilla theme.
So yeah, Godzilla Earth is a total loser from the perspective of being a Godzilla, or just a kaiju in general. Now let’s talk about why he sucks in the story.
In the hilariously bleak plot of the anime trilogy, Godzilla is framed as a sort of “natural punishment” for humanity, as a natural blowback to all of the shitty things humans have done to the planet and each other. It’s suggested that this happens to all civilizations one way or another, with the albino-human-aliens having Ghidorah as their version, and the dark-skinned-human-aliens having…well it’s never actually said, since the films are totally uninterested in them in any meaningful way, but MechaGodzilla seems to be their current one. The only way to survive in the face of these destroyers is to basically give up and accept it, and begin worshiping giant moth eggs.
Now, there’s a lot of pretty blatant problems with this, but let’s focus on Godzilla Earth for a moment. If we follow the thematic idea of him as a form of punishment from the Earth itself towards humanity, it stands to reason then there would be a starting point, right? That this character, who originated as a symbol of the horrors of nuclear weaponry that Japan faced, and since evolved to represent different aspects of the darkness that humanity holds, would have an equivalent origin or starting point to his rampage?
Well fuck you if your answer to the above was “yes”, because that’s not what happens. Godzilla Earth, for all intents and purposes of the anime trilogy, is just a random plant that grew up to teabag humanity and take over the world. There’s no actual origin given for how Godzilla Earth became what it did that actually connects it to being the end result of the waste and folly of humanity that emerged as part of the natural order of things. Godzilla is just a really fucking big plant in this continuity, and not, you know a terrible victim of humans destructive tendencies like say, a nuke getting dropped on him. I guess because that would be thematically coherent and fit into the lore of the franchise.
Within the trilogy itself, Godzilla serves as pretty much nothing but a plot device for the story to move on at certain points. While you could argue that this has been a common role for Godzilla in previous films if you want to use whataboutism, Earth goes the extra step of blatantly existing only for that given how little he does in the story.
The most action Godzilla Earth performs in his story-appearing amid other kaiju and slowly overwhelming them and humanity-happens in the prologue of the first movie as the setup for the trilogy. What could have been a trilogy in its own right (that almost certainly would actually have something to do) is relegated to the starting point of the series and never comes even close to doing anything comparable. The entire first movie is centered around the humans being focused on his off-spring, with no real foreshadowing of Earth himself being around until right before his reveal.
The next two movies just have him, again, passively standing around and occasionally lumbering a bit when the movies want to pretend there’s action going on. The dude literally just waits for when the plot needs him to be doing something. If the human characters actually had anything resembling a good story, or there were other monsters around for them to fight in the interim that acted as other offshoots of Godzilla Earth, this might not be such an issue. But as it is? Absolute fucking L of a Godzilla. You can point to shit like 98 and All Monsters Attack as some of the worst showings for Godzilla there is, and they’re still better than Earth by virtue of actually fucking doing stuff.
Taking it a step further, the thematic narrative around this Godzilla actively falls apart when we properly look at the story of the anime trilogy. Godzilla Earth isn’t just some neutral force like in the Monsterverse that’s just doing his own thing without giving a fuck about if the ants below him decide to start shit that ends with them accidentally getting stomped on. The literal premise of the trilogy is that this version of Godzilla already systematically eradicated all of human civilization and every other kaiju around, including benevolent ones like Mothra. He’s only chill in the movies because he succeeded in annihilating nearly all other forms of life a while back.
This is an actively malevolent force that succeeded in destroying everything around it and terraformed the planet so that it was the source of all life. Even the Mothra tribe has to just hide out, and can never actually advance or grow as a civilization beyond being a vaguely orientalist stereotype of cave dwellers whose women still are conventionally attractive waifu even after 20,000 years of evolving to be moth hybrids, without risking Godzilla Earth killing them. Yet I’m supposed to believe that the humans wanting to come back and live on Earth again are in the wrong?
Now sure, Haruo being in the wrong I can buy, because he’s a selfish douchebag obsessed with himself and completely unable to move on from anything at all. But the rest of humanity? They can’t actually want to come back to the home planet that many of them spent most of their lives on, want to get revenge and kill the creature that forced them away as it destroyed everything, or even just want to use technology instead of worshiping Moth? You can’t simultaneously have Godzilla having completely destroyed humanity and all life on the planet that’s not him and is willing to do so again, have him be taking care of planet-wiping threats as the humans reluctantly assist him, and then be this neutral force representing the Earth itself as it changes and evolves. To quote a guy I know, who basically summarized the plot of the movies:

I think the Godzilla Earth movies kind of play out like a movie deep in the texan wilderness where a fat redneck with an enormous shotgun has shot up a whole town and the survivors came back to avenge their parents, but then they have to fight sillicon valleys people looking to demolish the town to build like a big swimming pool, and then religious extremists, and they need to save the redneck so that he can do it

I can’t think of any other Godzilla movie that has actively encouraged the audience to think humanity is wrong to not want to be destroyed by a giant radioactive dinosaur or live in fear of it. Even in the films that most directly paint Godzilla as the consequences of the actions of humans, the message is always one of self-awareness and learning to be better, not just rolling over to get destroyed or giving up on all of civilization as you know it to live in caves. Why the hell should I give a shit about what’s going on here, exactly?
To sum it up, Godzilla Earth is just as much of a dumpster fire as the movies he’s in. His design sucks ass. His movement and sense of scale are as lifeless as possible. His powers are presented in the most boring way imaginable and his size is validation for people who think Godzilla should only be around 50-80 meters at max. Any thematic value or message he’s supposed to have is completely at whack with the story he’s given and placed in. This dude isn’t the bright spot or redeeming feature, he’s just as much of a disappointing piece of trash as everything around him.
TL;DR: Zilla might have lost the battle for live-action Godzilla’s, but his son won the war in the animation front of the franchise, holy shit.

Hey I'm not really sure how this works (first time ever posting!) I've thrown this match-up around a lot, and you guys may have seen this, and I just wanted to do something I've seen other people do and elaborate on why I really like this particular match up! So without further ado, the Baddest Kid to Ever Save the Day Against the Chosen One

• In their original timelines they were noble heroes of prophecy that descend from heroic lineages (Max Tennyson and Great Kung Lao)
  
• They fought evils such as conquering inter dimensional warlords (Vilgax and Shao Kahn), evil doppelgangers (Albedo and Revenant Liu), dark skull themed sorcerors (Hex and Quan Chi), beings who suck the life out of others (Darkstar and Shang Tsung), organizations of arms dealers (Forever Knights and Black Dragons), mutants who hate their progenitors (Malware and Mileena), mad scientists obsessed with evolving capabilities (Animo and Frost), shapers of time itself (Eon and Kronika), and haunting perversions of former allies (Zs'Skayr and Noob Saibot)
  
• Both had a love interest that's an active kombatant (Julie and/or Esther and Kitana)
  
• Both were trained by a higher being of their realm for greater things (Paradox and Lord Raiden)
  
• Both fought alongside their cousins to stop annihilation (Gwen and Kung Lao)
  
• Both were members of peace keeping organizations for the better part of their lives (The Plumbers and White Lotus Society)
  
• Both have taken under their wing a young inexperienced fighter who reminds them of themselves (Ben 23 and New Era Raiden)
  
• Both were good allies with a high ranking highly skilled law enforcement officer (Rook and Sonya)
  
• Both have died and come back to life a handful of times (Charmcaster killing in Ledgerdomain, Chronosapien Time Bomb, Revenant Liu, Midway Zombie Liu)
  
• Both have experience being fused with someone else in a typically non standard way (Clockwork/Techno Bubble as well as Upgrade Rex, Fire God Liu Kang is the fusion of Raiden, Young Liu, and Revenant Liu)
  
• Both are adept at cunning and trickery even if they prefer a straight fight
  
• This would be a solid representation of the Bruce Lee quote "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times" showing the challenge between a single skill vs wide versatility, similarly this would be a good magic vs technology battle with good potential on a lot of fronts.
  
• debatably they both scale pretty similarly after MK1
  
• Both restarted their universes from the brink for the greater good, while one took that to remake reality with himself as a God, the other put things back as close as possible showing a disconnect in the two perspectives that would fuel a conflict
  

Saw this on Twitter (screw you Elon!) and thought it was interesting. Not definitive obviously, but we know there’s been lots of talk about changing up the Atlanta cast in some capacity.
Who do y’all want to see return, get their peach revoked, newbies join?

the queens return to the workroom after the third elimination and see the placements from the previous challenge displayed on a large monitor
Kami: What just happened.
🏁Kami CF: We're back in the workroom, and we just lost Crystal, right after she won the challenge. I was so certain that it was my time, I had made peace with it, and said my little goodbyes to all the crew, but here we are. I might need five to seven business days to process all that.
Zodya: Can anyone explain to me how that even happens?
Lisbon: I guess it means that the win was just a little too late to keep her safe.
Karte begins to giggle behind her hand
🏁Karte CF: I promise I'm not laughing about that. I just...had a funny thought...yeah! I mean damn, WIN/ELIM.
Lisbon: I do feel very honored that she left me with this little gift of being blocked.
Kami: Literally the last thing I saw from the two of you was that you were hugging and being cordial.
Lisbon: I don't take it personally, but I do know that it was without a doubt, a very personal decision from her.
🏁Lisbon CF: It doesn't make sense to me, not at all. I know I might not have the best track record when it comes to being loyal to allies. However, I meant it with Crystal, and in a time where I needed a friend, I thought we might have been able to do that. Karma got her quick though, thanks girl! high fives the air
Zodya: Three wins right away, I can't say that I don't see where she was coming from.
Lisbon: Three wins, yes. But also, there's always a lot of energy about me not even deserving my wins, so which is it. Am I a threat or no?
🏁Slerna CF: My mama said I was a threat to society because of my beauty...and a few other things.
Karte: Does it matter though if we see you as a threat or not? We're not the ones judging or making the decisions. Believe me, things would be looking much different if that was the case!
Lisbon: If this block ends up being the reason I don't have immunity at the next elimination, so be it. I don't need it anyways.
🏁Karte CF: As an artist, I love Lisbon's drag and what she does with it. But she needs to come back down to earth. If I need to be the one to do that, I'll get it done! I took a shot at Lisbon last week, and Crystal was gone before she could even expose me. I mean, the flavor, so delicious and juicy.
Slerna: Kate, how you feeling?
Karte: Me?
Slerna: No. Little baby over here with the cat head.
Kami: Um, okay. Again, it's Kami, but I am happy to keep reminding you of that! I don't know how I feel right now. I feel guilty to be honest, I feel really bad about how my Snatch Game was received, but I'm happy to still be here.
Slerna: Are you?
Kami: Yeah, I am.
🏁Kami CF: The purpose of being here is to win. So when you feel like there's no chance of that happening, it's hard to stay motivated to be here and to fight. Time and time again, my best is proving to not be good enough.
Slerna: I don't know if I believe that. You seem checked out, like completely.
Kami: Oh...okay.
Zodya: How are you asking about whether or not she wants to be here, meanwhile you can't even bother to learn her name. She's here, and nothing can change that, so get used to it.
🏁Zodya CF: These girls are like sharks sometimes. They smell a drop of blood in the water, and they will stop at nothing to go after them. Kami is way more talented than people are giving her credit for, and it's like they aren't even seeing her.
Slerna: I was just asking a question as a sister, I don't know why you're attacking me right now.
Zodya: I'm sitting ten feet from you, dressed as Jujubee, where I am attacking you.
Slerna: I just...I can't deal with people coming after me. I'm sorry I'm so sickening, I can't help it.
Zodya: Not even touching that one. Not worth it.
🏁Slerna CF: I will weaponize these tears if it's the last thing I do. Whenever I need someone to stop talking to me, I just hit 'em with the waaaa waaaa. Works every time!
Karte: The energy here will feel so different here without Crystal.
Lisbon: I'm sure you're thrilled.
Karte: Thrilled? Oh, quite the contrary. From the start, Crystal was my girl, my sister, my guardian angel. We all know that it was me, Crystal, and Moxie. That really was my unit. And now they're both gone.
Lisbon: Didn't you fight with her less than twenty four hours ago?
Karte: Sisters fight! And Lisbon, you are like family to me, I can't believe you'd question me right now. Crystal, Moxie, you, that's been my group from the start.
🏁Slerna CF: Didn't she just say-
Karte: Crystal, I'll do this for you. Power to the people!!
🏁Zodya CF: I mean, the fakeness. Just at another level.
The Next Day
the queens enter the workroom and pose in the doorway before moving over to the table
🏁Zodya CF: We are officially in the sixth week of competing here, and I have as many wins as I did when I was here three weeks ago. If that doesn't scream winner to you, I don't know what will! Except of course maybe not having one win, a cute two or three would be so pleasing to me and my spirit.
Lisbon: I was able to rest and really think about the whole blockation of the situation.
Kami: And?
Lisbon: I wasn't that mad before, but it actually pisses me off a little! Smiling in my face while getting ready to stab me in the back.
🏁Lisbon CF: Crystal, you better show up to the reunion in your best fighting gear, it's on.
Lisbon: More than anything, it just doesn't make any sense to me. It felt so out of character for her.
Karte: Oh yeah, I was shocked.
🏁Karte CF: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Let's just see. I fought with her, I fought with her some more, I blocked her, I would've blocked her again. And still, she blocks Lisbon. If you give me a game, don't be shocked when I play it and play it well.
Karte: Slerna, pretty glowing critiques last week, how does that feel?
Slerna: Ahmm, it feels frickin' amaziiinnggguhh!
🏁Slerna CF: If I keep doing the character, Micro will have to give me more and more wins, it's as easy as that! I will Lola like nobody has ever Lola'd before.
Slerna: I feel like I've been letting go, and going with the flow. And to be rewarded for that, it honestly is kinda the best feeling ever.
Lisbon: And now that Crystal's gone, you're the only bitch here to be in the top every single week.
Slerna: Am I? Hmm, I never even noticed!
Lisbon: I'm sure you didn't.
🏁Lisbon CF: Slerna has not been called out by anyone as being a threat to their place here. And that's exactly what she wants, I can see through it. She is well aware of being the frontrunner right now, drop the act!
the workroom door swings open and Micro steps in, wearing a black and white suit with the colors split down the middle, and a large Afro
Micro: What's up ladies?! Congratulations on making it through your third elimination, and dare I say it was the most dramatic one yet?
🏁Lisbon CF: Ah, it's like I can still hear the sweet sweet British tears.
Micro: Before moving onto the next challenge, I thought it was about damn time that we put on our dancing shoes, and see what y'all are made of as performers. For your mini challenge this week, I have assigned you three different songs. Each of these songs will call for a different vibe and energy than the others, so be versatile. And in three words, I want you to explain how you would tackle that song. Understanding the vibe of the music you're performing to is the mark of a true legend, so give it your all. And the prize is nothing to scoff at. Good luck ladies!
Mini Challenge
Micro: The songs you will be performing to are:
"Upside Down" by Diana Ross
"Everybody's Gay" by Lizzo (this was filmed pre cancellation, don't attack me!!)
"On My Own" by Patti LaBelle
Micro: Good luck ladies. And first up is Kami!
Kami Lipsync Mini Challenge
Micro: Next up, Karte!
Karte Lipsync Mini Challenge
Micro: Next, Lisbon!
Lisbon Lipsync Mini Challenge
Micro: Next, Slerna!
Slerna Lipsync Mini Challenge
Micro: Finally, Zodya!
Zodya Lipsync Mini Challenge
Micro: Thank you queens! The winner of this mini challenge is...Kami! Congratulations my dear.
🏁Kami CF: Ahh, I'm over the moon right now! In this setting, there is no better feeling than being told that you did the best out of everyone. Even if it's just a mini challenge, I'm taking this victory.
Zodya: Good job!
Kami: Thank you sis!
Micro: As the winner of this mini challenge, you have won a very special prize. You will be able to pick the duos for our next challenge!
Kami: Ooh, alright!
Micro: Go for it!
🏁Kami CF: Duos...doesn't that mean two? And we have five people...
🏁Zodya CF: All that hairspray has finally gotten to Micro's brain. The math is not mathing!
🏁Slerna CF: It checks out to me.
Micro: Oh, how could I forget, there are five of you! Hmm, what can we do about that. Oh! I know exactly what we can do about that. Come on in queens!
the workroom door swings open and Nikky, Yuka, Angolan, Moxie, and Crystal stomp in, looking absolutely plucked and ready for revenge
🏁Crystal CF: Surprise!
🏁Angolan CF: You knew you couldn't get rid of us that easily.
Micro: Please welcome back the eliminated queens!
🏁Lisbon CF: No, no, no. We don't need to welcome them back, what we need is a better lock for that door!
Micro: I've brought all of you back to come together for a makeover like no other. In duos, you will have to work together to emulate a legendary pop culture duo. Like me and Jujubee, duh! And as for that mini challenge prize, the decision is all on Kami.
🏁Kami CF: Just when I thought I was on my way out, I get roped back in, and the wheels get back to turning. This is a huge advantage, and the right pick could be what gets me a win this week.
Micro: Please make the pairings.
Zodya leans over to Kami and whispers in her ear
🏁Zodya CF: This group is lovely, they're fabulous. But in a challenge like this, they are not made equal. Being the closest person to Kami is definitely working in my favor. Crystal or Yuka, come on over!
🏁Kami CF: I want to try and pair people with someone who maybe doesn't compliment their skillset. The only thing I'm stuck on is Zodya. At what point do I have to start being selfish and set myself up instead of doing that for others?
Kami: I will put Angolan with...Lisbon!
Lisbon: I'll take it!
🏁Angolan CF: Lisbon is notorious for being a tad bit difficult to work with. But I have to give it to her, she's crazy talented. This pairing might be the start of my comeback.
Kami: Moxie can go to...Slerna.
a huge smile shows up on Slerna's face as Moxie walks over to her
🏁Moxie CF: I am stubborn as hell, so the chance to come back and cause havoc for a little longer, it's exactly what I want. We've got this.
🏁Slerna CF: Moxie and I are like the same side of two different coins. Similar enough, but not too much. It's the perfect balance. #SlerxieVambles2023
Kami: Yuka, I'll send you over to Karte.
🏁Karte CF: I can work with this. As long as Yuka is willing to put in the work, we're good. The only issue, I don't know if she'll care enough to give it her all.
🏁Yuka CF: Karte and I are both very familiar with the process of designing our own looks. She has an ego, but this will be cute.
Micro: And the next duo?
🏁Zodya CF: When Kami announces that Yuka will be with Karte, all I can think about is why Kami would choose Nikky when she had first pick?
Kami: I...I've gotta take Crystal.
Zodya's expression goes blank as she runs her fingers through her hair
🏁Zodya CF: Girl. Girl. GIRL. I asked for one thing!!
Micro: That means that Nikky will be working with Zodya!
Nikky: Yes gawd!
Zodya reluctantly hugs Nikky as Crystal goes over to Kami
🏁Crystal CF: As far as returning to the competition, this maybe isn't the most optimal outcome for me. But in terms of confidence, you could pick anyone and you want me?! That does not feel too bad, nuh uh!
🏁Kami CF: I wanted to give Zodya someone she could work with. But as I was making the pairings, I saw the options that were left, and I couldn't not pick Crystal. If it means Zodya is mad at me now, it's not something I can control.
Micro: Remember, the theme of this week is to emulate a legendary pop culture duo. Good luck my little ladies, see you soon!
the queens gather around the table to discuss the season
Lisbon: I want to know if any of the eliminated queens are surprised to see the final five be what it is.
Yuka: I'm very surprised.
Lisbon: Is there someone you thought would be gone by now?
Moxie: You.
Lisbon: Got it.
🏁Moxie CF: I'm not sure how long I'll be here for, so I can't miss the opportunity to torment Lisbon a little bit. Teehee!
Angolan: The biggest shock to me was walking in and seeing Crystal as part of our group. You were doing so well before I left. Did you bomb last week enough for things to completely flip?
🏁Karte CF: Seeing people react to this will be so damn funny, it's like I get another Christmas morning!
Crystal: So actually, I sort of won the challenge last week.
Yuka: ...
Nikky: Damn, things really went horribly once I left.
🏁Nikky CF: Micro knew there would be no season without me, so she got crazy. Can you blame her?
Angolan: Back it up, wait a minute. You won the challenge?!
Lisbon: And the lipsync.
🏁Yuka CF: If nothing else, this is at least making me feel like my elimination isn't the most messed up anymore.
Crystal: Won the challenge, won the lipsync, and then I was gone.
Zodya: It was really the craziest thing to see. It was completely silent.
Angolan: What does that mean?
Crystal: It turns out that for those first four weeks where I wasn't getting any wins, I was actually sucking! If our performances accumulate some sort of points, it means that I had done so shit that even winning the challenge isn't enough.
Moxie: Yikes.
🏁Moxie CF: It's taking every bit of me to not burst out laughing right now. I can't even look at Karte, because I know I won't be able to control myself.
Karte: Have you been able to think about it at all?
Crystal: I'd say it's about the only thing I've been able to think about.
🏁Crystal CF: When Micro said I had been eliminated, all I could feel was the shock. But I took the night and thought about it. Didn't get a single bit of sleep. I'm pissed, I'm really really upset. No chance to save myself, nothing I could say or do. It felt like a punch to the face, it's not right.
Lisbon: At least you got to leave on a high note of being petty and weird and blocking me.
Crystal: Oh please. You know exactly why I did that.
🏁Lisbon CF: You're still stuck on XDRVTW? Nine months later, and that's still why you're mad at me?
🏁Karte CF: Actually, I don't know if she does know why! But I do!!
Lisbon: I have too much work to do to give you any more time. So we can go back to being against each other, but it'll be all one sided, it's not getting energy from me.
Crystal: At least I know now who's actually a friend and who just wants to be fake for the sake of the competition.
🏁Crystal CF: If you screw me over, it will get back to me. And I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen again. Lisbon, you're on your way out.
the queens all move through the workroom in their duos and go over the challenge
Lisbon and Angolan sit around a smaller table and sketch out concepts
🏁Angolan CF: Lisbon is one of the best designers here, so my strategy here is to help out when needed, but let her take control as much as possible.
Lisbon: To start off, how have you been?
Angolan: I've honestly been feeling good, I can't complain.
Lisbon: I'm in a tricky spot this week because I can't win a banjo. But, I still want to win and get you back into the competition. What do you feel comfortable with doing?
Angolan: Just being honest with you, I know that you are a stronger designer than I am.
Lisbon: I appreciate that!
Angolan: I'm worried that anything I touch will be worse and bring you down.
Lisbon: We'll make sure that doesn't happen. What I'm hearing is you want me to take charge with the looks?
Angolan: I think that would be best.
🏁Lisbon CF: Whenever there's a duo challenge, there's usually double the amount of work to be done. Which is fine when both people are working on it. That is...not the case for me here! In order for this to work, I need to kick it into overdrive and make sure we get this done.
Lisbon: Anything I can do to make this week fun for you, don't even worry about it.
Angolan: That really means a lot to me.
🏁Angolan CF: I know Lisbon is less than pleased about having to take on such a big part of this challenge. But she has done everything possible to make sure we succeed. She's been so kind, I feel like I have to tell her about something that happened.
Angolan: I know you talked a little bit about feeling alone here.
Lisbon: I call it Lisbon Island!
Angolan: And I don't think your worries are unwarranted.
Lisbon: I know, they don't like me.
Angolan: After you blocked Moxie, she got all of us together to try and make an alliance. The deal was that whenever possible, we'd block you.
Lisbon: For real?
Angolan: Yes, I'm really sorry.
Lisbon: And everyone was in it?
Angolan: Trust me, some of us weren't wanting to be part of it. But this big group just came together, and I didn't know what to do or say.
🏁Lisbon CF: Moxie feeling the need to get everyone turned against me, really? Just because I blocked you? Life's not fair, get over it. But to be petty like that, it's telling.
Angolan: And I thought maybe that could explain why she blocked you?
Lisbon: It sure seems that way. That's just too much.
Karte and Yuka sit in silence before talking about the challenge
🏁Karte CF: I know that once Yuka starts, she's all the way in it, and ready to work her magic. So I'm coming into this with all these ideas, giving her a bunch of opportunities to make this as special as it can be.
Yuka: Hear me out, Colleen Ballinger and Miranda Sings.
Karte: Hmm, now imma pass on that one! It feels too current and niche.
Yuka: That was all I had.
Karte: When I think of an iconic duo, I'm thinking something more like Thelma and Louise, or Miss Piggy and Kermit.
Yuka: I can do Piggy and Kermit! I think that would be a great chance to do a more masculine look.
Karte: ...yeah!
🏁Karte CF: Yeah, let's look manly on Micro's Drag Race. We all know Micro loves a manly queen...
Karte: Just make sure we're dragging it out, make it extra.
Yuka: Oh I got it. What silhouette would you think?
Karte: Whatever you want to do, I will work around it.
Yuka: Sweet! Gown and suit?
Karte: Works for me.
🏁Yuka CF: I've never felt like Karte and I were all that close. Maybe because I usually only see her in a competitive environment, so she's off in her own world. But she's being very accommodating right now. And with how much I know she loves to win, it means a lot to me that she's willing to let me take control here and trust me. She's not the person I thought she was.
Karte: I think bringing in some really graphic and bold cartoony elements into the accessorizing might be a smart way to keep the looks cohesive.
Yuka: Definitely. I sketched this out, what do we think?
Karte: Love it!
🏁Karte CF: When Yuka shows me her sketch, I don't really see the vision that we had agreed on. But she's into it, and I'm not getting in the way of that. Scrapping whatever I had and starting over.
Slerna and Moxie gossip about the season and work on their looks
🏁Moxie CF: Slerna and I are the perfect team for a challenge like this. I know how to think of things, and she knows how to make the things. Perfect balance, this is our challenge.
Moxie: Are you ready to get crazy? I think you're ready to get crazy.
Slerna: Anything for you!
Moxie: What if we did something completely random, but very us. A bag of trash and a garbage can, Lisbon and homophobia, burgers and fries.
Slerna: Ooh, I see.
🏁Slerna CF: This is a chance for me to go outside of my comfort zone, and show a whole new side of who I am. I want to prove that when I'm just being myself, that it's enough, and equally as amazing as when I'm a fabulous alien. But I don't want to let Moxie down.
Moxie: Do any of those sound good?
Slerna: We could also do something a little more elegant and refined.
Moxie: Elegant and refined, or burger and fries. Which one do you think sounds more like us.
🏁Slerna CF: What I really want to say is that I wish people could see me as both.
Slerna: You're right. Sorry, it was a bad idea anyways. Burger and fries is perfect.
Moxie: Great suggestion, thank you!
Slerna: Blelelele.
Moxie: Exactly, exactly!
🏁Moxie CF: When it comes to finding a theme we both like, we instantly know that we have to go crazy and dumb and fun, that's who we are. We're all in, I can't wait to see how this turns out!
Zodya and Nikky awkwardly come together and go over ideas
🏁Zodya CF: I feel burned by Kami, and it really cut deep. For so long, I thought that even if everyone turned against me, I still had Kami. But as soon as she gets a chance to help me out, I get the weakest queen here. This entire season has just been an uphill battle for me.
Nikky: So...
Zodya: Yeah.
Nikky: Bitch, listen to me right now. This is the sixth challenge, and you've won one time. That is embarrassing. You have been turning it out, you should not still be waiting for your second banjo. And I was the first one eliminated...what the fuck. Micro is very old and very dumb, so we need to make sure that even a dumb bitch like her realizes that we are the baddest bitches in the world.
Zodya: Alright with the motivational speaking!
Nikky: I'm serious.
Zodya: How are we going to make sure that that happens.
Nikky: Easy, we kill everyone else.
Zodya: Ooh, alright! Love the enthusiasm, maybe we don't kill though.
Nikky: Boring! I mean I am the best artist here, so I could try making my own look.
Zodya: Have you done that before?
Nikky: Mhm.
🏁Nikky CF: Well, maybe one or two times. But in my head, I know it cannot be that hard!
Zodya: That might be a good idea.
Nikky: It definitely is, turn that frown upside down!
🏁Zodya CF: In past makeover challenges, I've been worried about not only coming up with a good concept, but also my ability to execute that concept. Coming into this season, I finally felt good about my technical skills. Good enough to keep up with people like Karte or Lisbon. And with the right partner, I could've seen that full potential become realized. But that's not what we got, because of course not.
Nikky: Tell me more, why are you not feeling better. You got the best bitch here!
Zodya: I'm fine, really.
Nikky: No you are most certainly not. I saw your season, I know who you are.
Zodya: Which season?
Nikky: Does it matter, you lost both!
Zodya: You right, you right.
Nikky: But I know that you don't believe in yourself enough. And this challenge is what determines whether or not I get back into the competition, and I need to get back. So you need to become part of the Fox family, and that means believing that you are the only girl in the world.
Zodya: I don't know if I can feel like that right now.
Nikky: You don't need to. Fake it until you make it. Do you think I felt good about going home first? No, but I had to storm off like a bad bitch with a long ass ponytail because that's what I wanted you all to see.
Zodya: You seemed quite sure of yourself.
Nikky: Well, I knew I was giving it fiercely, but it was also a bit of an act. I've seen your looks, so you may need to act a little more than me, but we'll get there.
🏁Nikky CF: Screw a fashion makeover, we need an attitude makeover for Zodya. No matter how she does in the competition, she sees herself as not being enough. I am the queen of being told that I'm not enough of this, or not enough of that. I've gotten used to fighting through it and convincing the world that I am the only fantasy. That's what Zodya needs right now.
Zodya: It's hard for me to see the other queens here doing so well. I feel like I shouldn't be struggling here. I know I'm better now than I was the first two times, but it's not really adding up.
Nikky: It's normal to take a little time to warm up. What matters is knowing that you can warm up, and you will get there, I promise.
Zodya: I guess part of me too just feels like nobody here wants to see me do well, and that thought is closing in on me.
Nikky: I'm about to blow your mind. I don't know what the exact quote is, but something about there being a rainbow behind every mountain. Once you get past that mountain, you will see so much beauty.
Zodya: But what about when I'm the one putting the mountain there?
Nikky: Then maybe you'll need a little help, but we'll climb it together. Metaphorically of course, I'm not going hiking with you.
Zodya laughs as she holds back tears
Zodya: Deal. No hiking!
🏁Zodya CF: Never in a million years did I think I would be sitting with Nikky Fox with tears in my eyes and feeling like she's the most amazing friend. I'd say stranger things have happened, but this really might be the strangest thing possible.
Nikky: Enough of that, we have a challenge to win.
Zodya: Hell yeah!
Nikky: An iconic duo could really be me and anything. You add Nikky, it becomes legendary right away.
Zodya: You've got a point there! But maybe we'd be better off doing something more instantly recognizable.
Nikky: Well if it can't be me, the next best thing would be Britney Spears. We get mistaken for each other all the time anyway.
Zodya: It's the eyes, I see the resemblance, mhm.
Nikky: But if you have another idea, we can do that. I will do anything to make it work, we need to win this so badly. Yuka can be first out, that's fine. But not me!!
🏁Zodya CF: I'm completely shocked by how much Nikky is wanting to do, and the ideas that she's suggesting. Based on the queen she seemed like at the start of this season, I thought having her as a partner was a death sentence. But the more we work on it, we really might have a chance here!
Zodya: Nikky?
Nikky: Yes?
Zodya: I think I may have thought of the perfect idea...
Nikky: Which is?
Zodya: Get ready, because I'm about to shove a nuke up my pussy.
Nikky: No...we are.
Kami and Crystal get to work on cutting out fabric and discussing the season
🏁Crystal CF: I haven't even unpacked yet, so the chance to come back to the competition means everything to me. My mind is still in it, I need this.
Crystal: I was very flattered that you picked me, I can't lie.
Kami: You've always been sweet to me, and the way you went out didn't sit right with me, so I wanted to make sure you had someone dedicated to getting you back in.
Crystal: I love that, thank you! It'll take a long time to get over, but I think we can speed it up if I get back in!
🏁Kami CF: The challenge for me is meeting Crystal's level. She wants this so badly, and I know that a lot of people think that she should be here instead of me right now. I just hope that we can work well enough together to get her back, and to finally get my second win.
Kami: Do you have any ideas that jump out at you?
Crystal: My mind goes to Michelle and Ru, but maybe that's too predictable. And I don't think we need to discuss who would be the Ru, not looking to get cancelled here.
Kami: That's hilarious. I feel like twisting an idea into something it's not would be so cunt.
🏁Crystal CF: Real quick, I can die happy now that I've heard Kami's catchphrase in person!
Crystal: Like a glamour monster.
Kami: Or even a cartoon. Velma and Daphne, but on the yasss pills.
Crystal: Omg...
Kami: No, we don't have to do that, it's alright!
Crystal: No, it was a good omg. That idea is genius! I'm sold on that, I love it.
Kami: Really? Ahh, that makes me happy to hear!
🏁Crystal CF: This is an idea that both of us really connect with, and something we want to do. Part of me is worried that they might not be viewed as a legendary duo, but we're having so much fun with this idea, we're going for it anyways.
Crystal: Sorry if this is random, but I feel like I need to apologize for how I handled the whole elimination thing.
Kami: Oh no, don't feel bad!
Crystal: Any reaction I had, it had nothing to do with you, or feeling like it should've been you instead of me. No matter who I was against there, the outcome would've been the same, but it's so easy for people to just assume that I was upset with you.
Kami: Trust me, nothing you did messed with my mind as much as what I did to myself. The imposter syndrome is real right now, but I'm glad that we both know that the decision was out of our control from the start.
Crystal: Me too. And now we just need to win this challenge, and set our sights on making it to the finale together.
Kami: I like the sound of that!
🏁Kami CF: Feeling like I actually have a friend here has already made this my favorite week yet. We're relaxed, we're having fun, this does not feel normal, but in the best way!
Runway
a pale pink glow illuminates the stage as a cloud of fog envelops the entrance, before Micro breaks through and struts down the center
Micro Episode 6 Look
Micro: Welcome back to the runway of Micro's Drag Race: Legends! Oh, this ole thing? Just something I put way too much time into and I will be emotionally shattered if anyone doesn't like it. This week, all ten of our legendary legends were brought back together for a chance at returning to the competition. The challenge was simple! Take an iconic pop culture duo, and present a sickening set of makeover looks. The competition is tight, and these eliminated queens want in, so let's get started!
"Bad Juju" by Jujubee plays
🔎Kami and Crystal (Daphne and Velma) 🔍
Kami and Crystal: Whats new scooby doo? Crystal and Kami are coming after you! In a surprise return, I am here to come back back back back again! Kami my dear has chosen me to work with this week and I am so happy! This week we have decided to embody Velma and Daphne! Kami is serving us a Daphne fantasy with glitter for dayssss! And I am serving you velma who is also serving glitter for dayssss! We wanted to apply our own styles with these looks while still looking cunt and serving a cheasive collection! Beware beitches...I will return
Kami and Crystal Looks
🐷Karte and Yuka (Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog) 🐸
Yuka: One bitch, Two Bitch, green bitch, Pink bitch. We are stomping down this runway with grace and elegance. Wearing outfits inspired by everyone’s favorite iconic Marriage icons, Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog.
Karte: We wanted to stun the panel by showcasing this legendary iconic camp duo of The Muppets. Yuka in full drag king drag and I in something new for me!!! A mermaid gown!!!! With opposing silhouettes, Yuka focusing more on the shoulders and I on the bottom, we wanted to show a sense of high glam and couture in the extreme, silly, absurd and camp. Which I feel like all of those qualities combined is the essence of The Muppets. Shining all over this stage and these bitches cannot STAND it… Cause 4+4 equals what?
Karte: … I actually don’t know I didn’t pass Middle School.
Karte and Yuka Looks
👑Lisbon and Angolan (Princess Daisy and Princess Peach) 👑
Lisbon: We are serving Mushroom Kingdom royalty!!!! So our pop culture duo is Peach and Daisy cause we are #gamergirls and those two are like the definition of cunt. Angolan is Peach and I’m Miss Daisy! We have our sporting equipment on deck and are ready to swing and outdo all the boyssss! These looks were mostly inspired by their sportswear with a glamorous and Y2K twist on it calling back to the GameCube and Wii era! I’m super proud of how me and Angolan have done! We really turned this out and these bitches are gonna know, like why you shocked we bring it every time. We ate! Period!
Angolan: We’re walking down this runway feeling our Mario brothers FANTASY! I am walking down this runway as the mother to end all mothers, miss Peach herself. I feel GORGEOUS serving up some “royalty playing sports while their kingdom burns” realness. The other girls might be counting us out, and that’s certainly a choice!
Lisbon and Angolan Looks
🍔Slerna and Moxie (Burger and French Fries) 🍟
Slerna and Moxie: Slerna and Moxie do not appear at the entrance, and instead at either side at the front of the stage. They walk inwards towards each other, meeting in the middle and circling around the centre. They look ready to duel
Slerna and Moxie: This week we're serving diner classic! Burger and fries, but as a hero vs villain situation! We're ready to save the town, or destroy it, who really knows. But honestly either way, we're better together. We loved working with each other this week. Using our minds to just have fun is nice, rather than having some serious theme, we just decided to do something cute and what we want!
Slerna and Moxie: They realize that they would be a better pair than rivals. They link arms and walk the runway, now threatening the judges and the cameras. They pose together and leave together, looking good and good and good!
Slerna Look
Moxie Look
💣Zodya and Nikky (Oppenheimer and Barbie) 💄
Zodya: Happy Barbenheimer Day, bitches! To kick off our Barbenheimer double feature, I have made over Nikky into this 1940s Oppenheimer fantasy dragified to the MAX! I am covered in pristine tans as I have nukes for titties!!! But that's not the only bitch about to play, as I have some special gifts for Hiroshima and Nagasaki as well! Coupled that with a cigarette, martini, and my American flag, and I can say that I'm stepping right off the Christopher Nolan movie!
Nikky: 1 thing that matters in this world right now is the Barbie film, and truly I made Zodya into a fantasy that everyone LOVES! She’s pinky,kinky,barbiquinky and CUNT! The original barbie ponytail, with different shades of pink and OFC lipstick tatas! I hate drawing, but I’m still better then crystal?
Nikky's Look (by Zodya)
Zodya's Look (by Nikky)
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Part 2 is out now!