Hi I just came across a novel, chosen by the moon novel by izabella W. Its on pay by chapter websites, I've opened and read a few chapters but I can't seem to find any free version or chapter version anywhere. Please help. If anyone has read it I'm willing to take spoilers. Here's the advert I found below of it on Facebook.
Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.

That won't happen to me, I'm growing old to see the world as it once was, and I'm going to choose who I'll be with. No one will take that dream away from me.

Once dinner was finished, I just wanted to sleep. I'd had a very long tiring day, I quickly sat down on a small stool my mother kept in the storage closet and removed my shirt while my brother Freddy sat at the table to do his simple homework. It wasn't long before my mother came in with a large bowl of warm salt water and some cotton, this was going to sting I just knew it. She was here to help me with the wounds caused by wolves yesterday. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage from around my torso and slowed down drastically when it came to the final layer, I felt it peel off every wound and my fists clenched in pain. "Jesus!" I heard my mom exclaim once the dressing was completely removed. The air on my back was nice though and I sighed as my arm covered my once again exposed brests. "This is more than 15!" I began to hear sniffles coming from her and sighed turning round to look at her face, only to notice tears streaming down it. "Mom I'm fine, it's alright." She shook her head. "It's not alright, I'm your mother I shouldn't let these things happen. I'm so sorry. Your father would have..." here she goes again. Every single time something happened she'd always bring up dad, it really annoyed me because no matter how much we all wish he was here, he just isn't. My father was kiled by THEIR kind, almost 5 years ago when they actually managed to take over. When the lycans managed to penetrate our town my father rose up with some people from the neighborhood, to defend our livelihood, it was futile to say the least. We lost many people and I watched as my dad was ripped apart by two fully shifted wolves, I ended up shoting him to stop his suffering before they dragged me to the courtyard, i was the person to receive the first lashing of the town when I was 12! The wolves have been pretty strict with me since that day. "Stop being stvpid!" Was I harsh? Definitely! Did she need to hear it again, absolutely. "Dad is dead, we don't know what he'd do because he never knew this life. He never knew this world." I know what he'd have done, most likely attacked the guy who held the whip and got himself kiled in the process. "The best thing you can do for me, is stop crying and help me, next time don't insist on helping if you can't handle it." She began to wash my open wounds with the warm salt water causing loud winces to leave me, I knew it was necessary to prevent infection, but my god it hurt like a betch. "Some of these are really deep Dylan!" She sniffed again and my eyes rolled in my head. "I told you, I'm fine, just wrap me back up so I can get to bed." My mom was obviously more impacted by my injuries than I was, I suppose that always the case though. When it's happening to you, you've just got to get through it but when it's happening to someone you love, you just want to take their pain away. She quickly placed a fresh bandage around my waist and chest and wrapped it tightly for compression. The bowl of water that was used was now red in color, I guess from the blood my back was dripping with. "Can you keep your head down please? At least just this week. You can't take any more lashings." I simply nodded before standing up away from the stool, I walked over to Freddie and ruffled his hair in affection. "Good night squirt." He giggled and fixed his hair slightly. "Night Dilly." I smiled walking upstairs to my little bedroom, as soon as I was inside i shut the door and flopped down on to my bed on my stomach and I took a minute to cry to myself at the pain in my back, what my mom did was important but it hurt, not that I'd ever tell her. My hand covered my mouth quickly to muffle any noise I might be making. I couldn't tell anyone, I had to be strong because more and more people were crumpling these days, and my mom would break if she knew how much I was suffering. Sleep followed me shortly after, she was right though about me needing to keep my head down for the time being, I could not take another lashing! After a long night and an even longer morning, we were all finally stood in the hallway at school waiting for the twins to arrive. "Mine!" Everyone that was stood in the hallway tensed up, as we were seniors, me and Nick were stood towards the very back of the human line. All the mated people were situated directly opposite their wolf mates in their years. We stayed silent and still as Arya walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Nick. His eyes widened in fear, unsure of wether to look up or keep his head lowered. "Look me in the eye, mate." He glanced at me slightly as if asking what he should do. "I said, look me in the eye." He slowly moved his eye line up to look at her face. I took a glance myself to see her eyes pitch black with lust. "I... can't... I mean... erm." Before he was able to mutter anything else, two wolves from opposite, grabbed him out of the line and dragged him behind Arya. "Hey!" My head shot up before I could stop myself. My mouth also forgot its place as I jumped out of line. Everyone's head shot to me as my eyes widened in realization at what I'd done. Adrian, the other twin, walked up to me before punching me right in the stomach, I doubled over instantly. Feeling the sting in my slightly healed back. "I know you... You were publicly flogged only two days ago." God I hate this guy. "I also have it on good authority, that you openly spoke out against our rules and regulations in yesterday's class." My head shot down the line slightly to see Erin, looking a little frightened, her mate, the beta to be was looking at her, nodding his head in reassurance. "You traitor, you grassed on your own kind?" I yelled at her before feeling a fist connect with my cheek. My head whipped to the side from the force, while my class members gasped. I'm so done with this treatment, right then, I wasn't in charge of my actions. My fists curled up and my stance became a lot more defensive. My head snapped up to the alpha to be, and I looked him in the eye. "You don't know the meaning of the word disrespect." I suddenly hurled my fist towards his head, which he easily dodged, but my foot came up and kicked him instead. He stumbled backwards from the force with wide eyes. "You... you Actually hit me!" He didn't even sound annoyed, more shocked. Everyone in the hallway was watching, waiting for the alpha to do something but instead he simply stood up straight, regaining his composure. "I think everyone should get back to class." He began to walk away, following his sister when I called him back. "What about Nick?!" "Simple, He's my sisters mate. He now belongs to her." Argh, he's not an object. "He's not her property." A chuckle left his mouth, before turning his back to me again. "All humans are property." A short while later everyone made it to science class, our teacher Mrs Mathews is mated to the lycans pack doctor, she also now has a four and two year old with him. She was one of the first humans to be cohered into a false relationship. "What were you thinking young lady?" I rolled my head at her before looking at the empty seat next to mine. Nick was with that stvpid wolf girl right now. Being changed, I'm so angry it's ridiculous. "I was thinking, this guy is being a prick. Did you hear him? 'All humans are property.' It's bull shet." I looked up and the whole class looked at me like I had three heads. Talking shet about wolves is one thing, but talking about an alpha is punishable by death, attacking an alpha is an even worse offense. There was then a knock at the door and in walked Erin and her band of mated bestards. "Sorry we're late Mrs." "Erin, how are things between you and bata Monroe?" She blushed, the traitor actually blushed at the mention of his name. "He spoke to me last night about trying for a baby. We need a good strong boy to take over as beta." I scoffed looking at her as she took her seat. "You guys are actually pathetic, why can't it be a girl? Those mutts are basically Neanderthals" I voiced my opinion and saw all the shocked faces around me. Calling the lycans mutts, is the same as them calling us scum. After lesson had ended the entire school was called into the hall for assembly. This is where any human who has been found to have broken the rules were punished, usually 10 lashings were goven out or something similar. "Welcome to the school assembly, congratulations to the alpha twins for finding both your mates. Now on to the business at hand, as the 5 year anniversary of the new world is coming up, we have been informed that the alpha king will be visiting our district next week, this is very exciting news. We want you all to look your absolute best, she wolves and mated females will wear exemplary dresses made by seamstress. Male wolves and mated men will wear tailored suits. Anyone who doesn't comply will be reprimanded." The Alpha King?! No one has met him yet, he took over the throne three years ago when he turned 18. He really didn't make any appearances though, great, this month is going to be a nightmare. "As for the humans, you will be given a new uniform to wear for the visit, these are to be neatly ironed and worn to the highest standard. As for the following humans, based on your attitude this past week, you will be coming to the front and facing punishment. Tony summerset?!" Tony's head shot up as he looked around, he was in the year below but he shared my views when it came to the lycans. He slowly walked up to the front of assembly, almost instantly his top was t0rn in two and he received 10 lashings. A girl named Kara was next and she too received 10 lashings. A few more people went up slowly accepting their fate then suddenly my name was called. "Dylan Riley." Inside I was terrified but I simply shrugged my shoulders, I guess I did kind of expect this. Although I'm not sure if my back can take any more damage. "You attacked an alpha, correct!" His eyes bored into mine as I bowed my head submitting to his authority. "Technically, no." Everyone in the school gym looked on in fear, as my head moved to the front row of the wolf side. Adrian sat, with a werewolf girl in the year below, her name was Jana, I guess he found his mate. Nick and Arya were no where to be seen though. Adrian gave me a shrug as if to say he didn't tell, before smirking at my comment. "He hasn't officially taken the alpha title yet, so he's just..." i looked at the principle and noticed his eyes black and his claws out, he was in what lycans call a half shift, triggered when the subject has become angered. He turned to two security wolves and gave them a nod, Almost immediately i was forced onto my knees, my arm was slammed on a table and held in place by one wolf, while my body was held in place by the other. "Ok, I don't think this is needed, I have alpha blood, a stvpid human girl can't hurt me." My head snapped to Adrian who had stood up in front of the school to stop what was happening. "Nevertheless, humans need to know their place." With that the pressure on my arm increased as our principals hand pulled my sleeve up before a long claw punctured my skin. The searing pain shoting from the fresh wound had my eyes scrunched and my fist clenched, I bit the inside of my cheek hard instantly tasting blood, however no sound left my mouth. He continued to write, using my skin as a canvas and his claws as a marker, it went on forever, my vision blurred slightly at one point as I turned my head away. After minutes of torture, he was done and the pressure on my arm eased, instantly I snatched my arm away, hissing through my teeth at the pain. I was about to scurry off stage, when I was roughly grabbed yet again, my arm being held in the air by the principal while my feet were inches off the floor, blood dripped from the wound and the pattern he had made was on show for everyone to see. Loads of people gasped, even the wolves looked slightly horrified at what had happened. "This is what happens when a human decides to speak out. I can promise, anyone who so much as says one word about our way of life, will have the same punishment." My arm was starting to seriously ache from being held in the air for so long, and the lack of blood flow to my suspended arm was causing me pins and needles, still I refused to make a sound. I held the tears back and I bit my cheek harder causing more blood to fill my mouth. "That's enough Bradley!" Adrian growled, he was still stood up and looking at the scene in front of him. His eyes hard as he stared at the principal a low warning growl erupted from his chest which had the head teacher gulping, he quickly let go of my arm causing me to crash to the floor. A small cry left my mouth as I hit the hard floor. Immediately I scrambled away, my foot just missed the high step leading to the stage and I fell, waiting for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Two strong arms wrapped around me catching my weak body causing me to look up, my eyes widened as I noticed Adrian had caught my falling form. "This isn't part of the human punishment program!" Adrian growled causing me to tense in his grip, I pushed him away from me before fixing my uniform top. The room was deadly silent, taking in the scene in front of them, while I stole a glance at my forearm. Carved into my skin by his devastating claws were two words, words that would most definitely scar my body for life. 'Human scum' "Lessons must be learned, she received lashing merely two days ago, and clearly it had no effect on her." Another growl left Adrian's chest as he stepped on to the stage, I wasn't bothered though, you would think I'd be ashamed but I simply smiled slightly. I fixed my sleeve a little so it wouldn't rub on the fresh wound before speaking. "It doesn't matter," the whole room looked at me shocked by my attitude. "I would rather be labeled human scum, than have any resemblance to your kind. I'm proud of what I am, how many of you can say that?" After my amazing little speech, I walked right down the middle between the humans and lycans and out the door. No more compliance, I'm going to get away with as much as I can without getting into too much bother. There will come a day when the lycans power will fizzle out. When it does I'll be ready, I'll be waiting for the day we take our world back. As for the best part about my plan...

No one can stop me.

"Ouch, not so hard." I seethed as the school nurse cleaned my new wound with antiseptic. "If you had of just kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." I turned to my right looking out the window at the few clouds that were floating in the blue sky. "Like I said, I'm proud to be human, and now everyone knows what I am." I clenched my fist together as the nurse began wrapping a bandage around my forearm. It had been a good few hours since the incident in the hall, and I had been forced to come to the nurces office after I had tried to clean my wound by splashing it with water from the tap, it also refused to stop bleeding. "You are impossible. Can you please just try and stay out of trouble? For one day, that's all I ask." Our school nurse is a wolf, she's one of them. However she hates the way they treat us mere humans, she thinks we should all just live in peace with equal rights. Like that would ever happen. "All I've done is stay out of trouble, but you are just going to humiliate me anyway, so what's the actual point?" "The pack were discussing a public execution, Dylan. You need to walk on egg shells from now on, not just for you but for your family as well." No ones been publicly executed in over 4 months, I'm flattered they're considering it. They only execute people who they believe are the biggest problems to society. "Well then... I'm flattered." I chuckled, before looking at the patch job. 'Huh, not too shabby.' I quickly stood up from the human nursing station and pulled the sleeve of my shirt down covering the evidence of ever being hurt. "This is serious!" I just gave her a blank look before leaving the room. On the way out I heard her call back to me. "Please just think about it." I gave a clipped nod as I walked away wondering how I'm going to tell my mom about this. Later in the evening... "Dilly why you say that?" Freddie looked up at me with a mouth full of bread. "Don't speak with your mouthful!" My mom scolded him as a bashful blush made its way to his cheeks. "Sowwy mommy." His reply was muffled as he swallowed the last chunk of food. "I said it Freddie, because it's the truth. The wolf race are a pathetic excuse for..." my mom cut me off with an extremely stern look. "Dylan! They have ears everywhere, one more word out of you and it's your room." I scowled, my hatred for the Lycan kind growing stronger as each day passes. "What more can they do to me, lash me? Beat me? Brand me? They've ran out of options." I stated slamming my hands down, then severely regretting it as sharp pain shot though my wound. "What was that?" My head shot to regard my mothers worried expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were dull and judging as she looked at me. "Nothing, it was nothing." I quickly took my plate in my hand and began to walk to the kitchen. "I'm not really hungry, and I have homework to do!" My mom caught hold of my forearm causing me to drop my plate suddenly, I watched it slowly fall before shattering on the floor. I retracted my arm quickly and turned to Freddie. "Stay there and don't move until it's cleaned up ok sport?" He just nodded with wide eyes, I turned back to my mom and noticed her curious stare on my arm. Her grip shifted to the other side as she turned it around before pulling my sleeve up. The bandage was showing and a bit of blood was seeping though after the wound had been disturbed. "What the hel happened?" My moms eyes widened as she began to fumble with the bandage. Before she could unravel any of it I snatched my arm away. "I had an accident at school. No big." I began to gather the large pieces of the broken plate up ready to put them in the bin. "What did you do Dylan?" She looked at me with pure worry and only then did I realize what the wound must look like to someone who didn't know. "For gods sake! I didn't do it to myself! I got publicly punished at the assembly alright? It's no big deal." Her face dropped instantly and she stepped towards me, causing me to step backwards. "Mom, I'm ok. So back off will you." "What did you do? I've never known them to cut someone's arm as a punishment." Her shock and accusation was evident in her voice and I sighed heavily. "I spoke against the alphas son." I may have hit him too, but I wasn't going to divulge that part to her. "It's not one big cut, mom, it's a brand, 'human scum' carved onto my arm." "They've branded you now too?!" My eyes rolled at her hurt tone as I went to get the dustpan and brush. "You're so much like your father." A sigh left her mouth as she spoke, running a hand through her hair, while I quickly swept up the little pieces of the broken plate. "You've had a new uniform delivered. It's laid out on your bed. Dylan, Please just try and stay respectful in the future, I don't want my daughter to be completely mutilated. Although you're not far off." "Gee, Thanks." I then walked over to my little brother Freddy before blowing a kiss into his neck and hearing him giggle. "So sport, how's school going?" "It's ok." He shrugged before going back to coloring a dinosaur picture in. "Well that's good, stay out of trouble, ok little man?" Heading upstairs and into my room, my thoughts wandered to the permanent graffiti scar very slowly healing on my arm. Disgusting beasts. Think they own the world because they're faster, stronger and can shift. Pah. If you ask me they are not all that.

The second I walked into my room my mouth dropped open. On my bed was some grey pants laid out neatly, which wasn't the surprising part, no, what shocked me was the grey high neck no sleeved button down shirt, every single set of uniform had sleeves except this one. They've done this on purpose those, mutts. They want the world to see my arm and know what a disgusting creature I am. They want the world to know that I, Dylan Riley, am nothing more than 'human scum'.

During the last week, I've been horrible, in class I've been loud in voicing my views, I've insulted at least everyone to some degree, I didn't care about the consequences, and I certainly didn't think about them. I haven't seen Nick at all since he was claimed, and to make matters worse today was the royal visit. Oh yes, werewolves and mated humans alike were spending every waking minute preparing themselves to meet his royal majesty, king of the wolves. Unclaimed Humans however would rather stick pins in their eyes. "Dylan, get down now... you're going to be late." She was right, I was dawdling this morning, I really couldn't be bothered today, I gave myself one last look in the small mirror and sighed when my eyes met my newly uncovered brand. It had bad bruising around the letters, and was still extremely tender to touch, it was definitely healing now though. I made my way down the stairs and came face to face with my mother who was seeing to Freddie, she was helping my brother get his coat on when she turned to me. "You ready sport?" Freddie nodded his little head at me and smiled while I quickly slid my shoes on. "Just Remember, the alpha is bad enough, Dylan, please, please don't do anything to anger the king." My mother stopped us from walking out the door to tell me something she had been telling me continuously for the last couple of days, it was almost as if the entire human population of our district was expecting me to do something stvpid. "Try and have a good day." I rolled my eyes but nodded, even I know not to push the king, he could kil me in the hallway like it was nothing. In fact I plan on staying out of his way for the entirety of the day. "We will see you tonight mom." I stated before me and my brother began our walk to school, his little hand clutched my own tightly as we went. Usually Nick would be with us, as he lives next door, well he used to, now he's residing in the main pack house. I quickly dropped Freddie off at his school and watched him get the wolfsbane neutralizer before walking into him building giving me a small wave before he went in. With my new scar on complete show, and my figure being complimented by the skin tight shirt I was wearing, I sauntered down the street to school, I gave my name and year in and took the wolf's bane neutralizer injection with no problems at all. It was finally getting into school that the problem occurred. Walking through the halls I was met by many looks, some of pity some of disgust. You see every single non mated human in the school was wearing a long sleeved version of the uniform I was given. All the Wolves and mated couples were scattered around in fancy floor length dresses or tailored suits. As I turned the corner I noticed a couple, now this couple happened to catch my eye the most out of all of them because it consisted of Arya and Nick, eating each other's faces off. "What the hel!" Nicks head shot to me as his eyes widened. He too was dressed in a tailored suit, a navy blue tie hung on his neck to match Aryas dress. Why was this happening all the time? It's always my friends that get completely brain washed. I shook my head in disbelief before turning my back on him. I heard his fast footsteps behind me as I rounded the corner. "Dylan?!" He ran right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, making me drop my bag off my shoulder and almost causing me to bump into him. "Let me just explain..." "Has she marked you?" I mean you could almost see it in his eyes, she had marked him, and knowing the way life goes he's probably even mated with her. "Actually... Don't even answer that." I aggressively picked my bag up off of the floor and stormed off down the hall. "Dylan, just listen to me, Erin was right, it's so hard to resist your soulmate, and Arya is actually ok once you get to know her." I just kept walking, he caught up to me walking beside me but it didn't matter, I completely ignored everything and everyone. 'I'm so not in the mood today' getting into class was good though, I said hello to Mr Foley and took my usual seat. Nick sighed then took his bag off ready to sit next to me, but I snapped before he had the chance. "Traitors and mated idiots sit on that side of the room." I didn't look him in the eye as I pointed to a seat right at the front of the classroom on the opposite side. His eyes widened as he turned his attention back to me. "You can't be serious Dylan." I gave him a blank look before grabbing my book out of my backpack, I placed it on the desk then began to write the date on the top line. "I've sat in this seat for as long as I can remember." I ignored him, his voice sounded sad and shocked. "Dylan? Wait! What is that?!" Before I could react Nick had grabbed hold of my branded arm and turned it to see the letters. "Oh my God! What happened?" I snatched my arm away from him and shrugged as I continued to write in my book before grabbing my water bottle out of my bag. "The principal happened, it was my punishment for speaking out against Adrian and Arya. I wear it with pride." He just held a complete look of disbelief. "You spoke out against them?" I shrugged, what did he think I'd do. "It's no secret that I despise this stvpid new world and the mutts that control it. You were my friend, I wasn't going to let them just take you without saying something, although that is exactly what you seem to have done. Enjoy the view from your new seat!" "Don't be like that, Dylan, I'm your best friend, I'm sorry about your arm, but..." my eyes rolled inside my head at my friends words. "Anything with the word 'but' in, isn't an apology, it's a rationalization." I took a drink of water from my bottle and kept my eyes facing forward, ignoring his every attempt to try and talk to me. "Dylan?.. Dylan?... Do you know what? Erin is right, if you push us all away you won't have any friends left." He huffed before walking over to the empty seat and sitting down, I could feel him glancing up at me every now and again but I didn't respond. "Good morning class, please settle down." He looked at me then at Nick and frowned, we've never sat apart, we were friends before the new world even began. I just shook my head telling him to forget it. "So... as you know the king will be arriving in a short while, but until then lessons will go on as normal." Its funny seeing teachers in the same uniform your wearing, mr Foley and his wife are the coolest. Human teachers and doctors only have slightly more respect than we do. Because of Mr Foley's status him and his wife have better access to food and drink, Mrs Foley is cool, sometimes she even makes sure mr Foley brings some in for me. Ya know, coz I'm their favorite student. It's not in a weird way, it's just they were friends of the family before the new wold took effect. Mr Foley and my dad were buddies from high school, so it goes without sayin really. "All the mated humans will be at the front of each years line again, after that you will all be placed in status, Nick, as your mated to Alpha Arya, you'll be at the front of your line. Dylan as you have been branded..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me. "Yeah yeah, I'll be at the back of the line behind everyone. I get it." I huffed, moving my sight towards the window once more. "I am sorry." I turned to face Mr Foley again, he looked genuinely upset and that look of pity wasn't something I wanted to see. I gave him a clipped nod then turned away again. "Anyway, on to the subject matter, 'Of Mice and Men, page 64, Nick why don't you start us off with the reading."

"Of course sir." Nick began reading the book but I switched off, today is going to be a long day. After almost an hour and a half of reading comprehension, the bell chimed signaling lunch. I shot up and out of the classroom before anyone could say anything. Today, I was avoiding drama like the plague.

I wandered the corridors straight to the lunch hall. All the people I would normally hang out with we're all mated so I grabbed my lunch quickly, and sat down at the end of the human table. Let me lay the lunch hall out for you. On one side of the room you have two long rows of tables, with simple benches that make it look like prison, on the other side of the room you have multiple round tables with fancy chairs. Yup you get it. The humans sit at the prison tables and the wolves and traitors sit on the fancy tables, they get fancy food, fancy drink and most importantly they get pudding. what I would give to have some pudding. "Dylan can we just talk?" Nick quickly took the spot next to me as he set his lunch tray down. I looked at his food which had been placed on a ceramic, circular white plate. God that looked good. I sighed knowing he was going to talk anyway. "Fine, you have two minutes." I used my fork to take a bit of pasta off his plate and shoved it into my mouth. God that was good. "After I left school, I was taken to the pack house with Arya, and I really got to know her. It took a few days for me to finally accept being with her, but ever since life has been ok, and the sax... well that's a whole other story." Eww, I didn't need that mental image in my head. "I'm glad your happy." I stated before deciding I had no appetite. His face held shock before he sighed in relief. "That means a lot Dylan, I mean you know that your opinion matters to me." I cut him off before he could say anything else. "I said I was glad your happy. I didn't say I approved of what you've done. You've basically turned into one of THEM, I can't ever forgive you for that." He looked hurt, but I couldn't care less about his feelings. He placed his hand gently on my arm and went to open his mouth when a growl sounded out. All heads whipped to where it came from, Arya was stood holding a glass of soda and a plate, she was looking right at me and Nick and I would totally be dead if looks could kil. Nick quickly retracted his hand, his whole face fell and you could see sorrow flood his irises. "You sit with me now, get away from that, that... scum!" Wow, Nick was such a lucky guy. NOT. "You heard her. Get away from me, go sit with your new friends. I'm happy for you, and I understand where your coming from, but don't come up to me again and pretend you didn't betray your own kind. Don't pretend you didn't betray me." I shoved a little bit of food into my mouth before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, leaving my tray on the table. I was walking through the hallway to the classroom, you see I decided to spend lunch with Mr Foley in his room, when I happened to hear voices in the corridor. "Is it wise for her to actually be present when the king arrives? Surely she could be placed in the dungeons, it might actually teach her some respect?" My principal was speaking to the alpha of our district, huh, if I stayed and listened do you think they'd notice, maybe they could smell me?! "Everyone is to be present, if the Riley girl does one thing out of line she will be dealt with severely, child or not. That girl has been a blight to the district since day one, she's dangerous, if she puts one hair out of place I will personally break her into submission." Oh shet, they were talking about me specifically, and they mentioned the dungeon, that's not been used in months. Normally I would have listened in more but something about the entire situation didn't sit right with me, all of a sudden, I was on edge, and simply wasn't interested in the slightest in hearing how my misery was to be enhanced. I backed up slightly before turning around and bumping head first into one of the hottest man I had ever seen. I lost my balance immediately and fell straight on to the floor letting out a small grumble in the process. His eyebrows knitted together quickly and his breath hitched in his throat as he looked upon my fallen state and gasped. "Mate!" He whispered, his eyes fixated on mine. Now, I had seen and heard that many times to know what that means, I gasped before taking a step back. 'No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening.' He growled slightly before stepping towards me. Oh Shet!

I don't even know where to start so I'll start at the beginning of the latest episode. This probably won't be short so buckle up for the ride. I don't know what else to do at this point aside from cry myself to sleep all the while slowly dying a financial death. My life is in ruins and no matter what I do I can't seem to fix it.
In this latest event my home was flooded by my neighbors upstairs. For context I live in a condo unit with people above me and below me. The unit above me shower and washer dryer water ended up going in-between my walls and flooding my flooring in my home. The remediation company tallied an estimate of about 45k in damages. They did the initial work of gutting my home, then told me they needed to be paid before they continue. Ok fine no big deal that's why I have insurance right?
Well I reach out to my insurance and then I can't get ahold of anyone, then I get a message that they will send an inspector, the inspector comes out, i explain what was impacted, and then he leaves. Weeks go by and I'm not getting anywhere, no answers from my insurance.
I'm living in a hotel at this time and spending money like I apparently have money to blow, never spent money like that before, nor do I have it, and to top it off I don't live in a cheap US state. So hotel fees, pet fees, food from eating out everyday etc, In 10 weeks I'm out close to 40k.
The hotel is something out of my nightmares, it's the cheapest one I could find that wouldn't limit my 3 pets. So to paint a picture, the paint is peeling off the walls, the bathroom has a moisture and likely a mold problem, the door to the world has a 2 inch gap, and the reviews state that it's where criminals go to hide from the police.
So all the holidays go by including my birthday, during this time I tried to get some kind of movement on getting my home repaired. But it's just not happening. Insurance is giving me the run around telling me to talk to my HOA, I do that and my HOA tells me it's not their problem. All the while it's not my fault either. So I tried to go and have the unit above me fix it but they say my insurance needs to go after them. I'm stuck in this endless loop.
Ultimately on my birthday the HOA denies my claim, I tell my insurance and they turn around cut me a check for 14.5k minus my deductible of course. That's it, they wash their hands of me and I'm balling my eyes out in an IHOP because that doesn't cover anything. That won't cover repairs, it won't cover what I'm out for loss of use, I'm just f*cked. I rejected the check and told them that's not adequate, but instead of listening to me they just turned around closed my case and sent me a survey.
So I pivot I can't live in this hotel anymore I'm going to be homeless if I don't do something quick. So I do the repairs on my own, I know how to do the repairs, I did them already 3 years prior when I did some renovations on my home. I'll just do them again, I took vacation from work for 2 weeks and busted my butt, to make the place kinda liveable.
At the end of the two weeks the walls were up, I had a working toilet, kitchen sink, and bathtub. Can't use the shower since the walls aren't totally sealed but if I'm careful I can at least bird bath it.
Since then I've installed the flooring started painting and get the stuff in the house organized to a point that it's starting to look like home again.
I ended up taking more time off work to get it done in time for a home inspection, my lender wanted to see my progress, my goal was 85% and it paid off! I'm there at the 85% mark, but it's all been out of my own pocket, my own energy, and life blood.
I've tried hiring 4 Attorneys at this point and have been turned down because they want more money that I don't have to fight a case they tell me it's not worth their time.
So I've got the remediation company that the neighbors hired to mitigate the damage coming after me for payment. I've taken as much as I can out of my 401k to cover all these new expenses that I shouldn't be having to pay and my insurance just not caring.
I'm drowning in what feels like a river of despair, I'm happy my home is almost done but the majority of the work left is tiling my bathroom putting up the door that was there etc. So still bird bathing it until I have more time off to do the tile.
I just want to give up and surrender, I'm so tired mentally, physically, and emotionally that I'm depressed to the point that I can barely function. I am talking to a therapist because my mind started to get too dark, since I can't seem to get help for something i didn't create. I pay my bills on time, I have insurance but none of it matters, I'm not rich enough to sue which means I'm just going to have to eat this, but I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have my life ruined because of a busted pipe that doesn't even belong to me......
What do I do? Do I try and keep finding an attorney ? Do I keep trying to work with my insurance company?any advice is appreciated, I'm sorry for the sob story I'm just at my wits end and needed to tell someone before I lose my mind completely.

I haven’t had much luck when it came to relationships. Idk why, but I always end up picking the wrong guy. A little backstory so Reddit can see why I am this way. From 2010-2017 I dated a guy, “R”, he betrayed me so bad. He led a double life and was two timing me for years. I’m not a side-piece, and never will be. But that’s how he treated me, he had a full blown relationship while I was his side. I never agreed to that, he just had a double life. He betrayed me and her for years. He’s still with his “main” and has been betraying her for years, yet she’s blind to his infidelity. Evidently she’s going to marry him, and I feel sorry for her. Because he’s disloyal, and a liar and cheater. But anyway, so we broke up in 2017 and haven’t seen each other for 6 years and recently I gave him another chance. And ykno what? It was still the same bullshit. Him two timing me and her his “‘main”. Everything he told me was a straight up lie. He’s still with her til this day. He lied to me and said they were over, which wasn’t true at all. I had thought, after 6 years of separation he would’ve changed. But he didn’t. Still just a lying, cheating bastard. So I left his ass in the dust. Tbh he is my biggest regret, and I feel like I wasted my 20’s with him.
After “R”, there was “P”. So what happened with P is that, we were hanging out a lot and making memories together, and one day out of the blue I texted him, and a girl answered back told me to “stop texting my man”. I felt so stupid….. after all the memories we made he didn’t even have the balls to tell me he was going to date someone else. He couldn’t even give me a conversation, he just ghosted me. That hurt a lot. I’m just tired of never being good enough, and always an option.
After “P” came “J” my current Man. Generally, things have been good with me and J. He’s a catch, and a keeper. & has the ability to make any girl fall for him easily. He makes a lot of effort for me, even though he’s tired from working the graveyard shift he’ll still pick me up to spend time with him. Something that made me think a lot, So well he told me he wanted alone time, to take space or whatever. That week when he told me that I took it pretty harshly. It was only because I was emotional about my absent father’s death. It was his death anniversary, he’s been dead for 18 years now. Generally, my father was absent in my life. I don’t have many fond memories of him. Only just a few photos of him that I have and his passport and his ICE id, since my parents were refugees. So I pretty much sent him a long paragraph about why I was so upset about him asking for space. I’m not usually like that, I’m very understanding, and I never wanna force something on him. But as I said, I was emotional about my absent father’s death. I cried for like a week straight. But see after I sent him the paragraph about me being abandoned, he texted me asking to spend quality time together. We made up, made love, and things were wonderful. I can’t understand why he decided to change his stance about wanting space. Is he actually just a good guy, and willing to change his ways for me? I can’t tell if he’s the real deal, or just faking it. When I text him, he’s a man of few words. But when we’re together, he always talks to me about the important things. He doesn’t tell me he cares, he shows me with his actions. He’s mainly a loner, and only hangs out with his cousin. He doesn’t give me a reason to not trust him. I’m just scared of being hurt again. In actuality, he treats me really good. We both treat each other really good. For my birthday this year on May 17, he spoiled me with presents, quality time, food and love making. He made me feel really special and loved.
For the most part, I’m just sensitive and vulnerable and afraid that he’s too good to be true. I had already fallen for him, and caught feelings. He’s a pretty great guy. He’s handsome, attentive, has a job, a car, and his own place. Oh and good 🍆 too. He’s literally amazing in every way, and I can’t help but think, is he hiding something? Is this real? Did I actually find a good man? I guess I’m just insecure from being heartbroken too much. Scared because I was always the option. Scared because I’m a nice girl, a good woman, yet I always get taken advantage of. I just needed advice because, I’m just tired of getting the short end of the stick. In the dating world in this day and age, you would know that finding a good man or woman is like finding a needle in a haystack. I’m scared, because the deeper I fall in love with him, the more of a chance that I could get hurt.
What do I do?
TL:DR I’ve been heartbroken a lot, scared that my new guy is too good to be true.

666 AND BAR-CODES, MARK OF THE BEAST
(Hatonn here describes in 1991 how it will be. I suggest ghat it dexcribes today how it is. Everything is marked including us.)
I have been asked time and again about the connections and if, in fact, there are connections regarding the 666 symbol and bas-codes.
I can assure you of one thing, the number 666 does not randomly appear any more often than does 222, 444, or say, 333. Nevertheless, it is quite obvious that WHERE the numbers appear is very definitely of great importance. The numbers 666 are rapidly becoming man's favorite number and keep popping up in strange places--even though a recognized symbol of pure Satanic code--it is appearing more frequently than any other "number" in the so-called Christian and other religious placements. It is worthy of the time to speak of this matter for I think you must become aware that this code is being placed on all of you. I think it worth the time to give a listing of some instances of use of this number which none of you should miss in noting.
* World Bank code number is "666".
* New credit cards in the U. S. are now being assigned the prefix 666.
* Australia's NATIONAL bank cards have the code 666.
* Central computers for Sears, Belks, Pennys, and Montgomery Wards around the world have all their transactions prefixed with 666.
* Shoes made in European Common Market Countries have stamped on inside label 666.
* Computers made by Lear Siegler have a seal on the side on which is stamped the number 666.
* Internal Revenue Service instructions for NON-PROFIT Corporation Emoloyee 1979, W-2 Form requires the prefix 666.
* Internal Revenue Service began to require the prefix of 666 on some forms; for example, W-2P, disability is 666.3; death is 666.4, etc. as early as 1977.
* Tanks built by Chrysler Corporation...have on their sides 666.
* South Central Bell's new Telco Credit Union Cards require the prefix 666, then the person's Social Security number.
*. ID tags on 1979 GM cars produced in Flint, Michigan, contain the number 666.
*. United States Selective Service Cards have on them 666.
* Overseas telephone operator number from Israel is 666.
* Arab-owned vehicles IN JERUSALEM have license plates prefixed Wirth 666.
*. Record album released by the rock group, Black Sabbath is named 666.
*. The films, Omen I and II concern themselves with a world dictator and the number 666.
* Some IBM Supermarket equipment is prefixed with the number 3.666.
* JC Penney began prefixing account numbers in August, 1980, with 666.
* Master Card began using on their August, 1980, statements--66.
* Formula for NCR Model 304 Supermarket Computer System is 6 60 6,666.
* The United Nations resolution #666 came during the Iraq War.
Precious ones, there are contests even, called "666". What is happening by total intent is to condition the world to accept the coding of 666 without question or note. There is coming a day when a world governmental system will demand that everyone in the world take a mark and the number 666 in order to work, buy or sell. This fact is clearly set forth and being followed diligently. If you think you can avoid the mark of the beast--think again--YOU ALREADY BEAR THE MARK; DON'T BE STUPID AND SET YURSELF UP TO DENY SAME. YOU ARE ALREADY MARKED AND THE INSTRUCTIONS TO REFUSE THE MARK IS NOT OF GOD'S GIVING. YOU STEP FORTH AND REFUSE WHEN Y0U ARE ALREADY WITHIN THE SYSTEM AND YOU ARE DEAD OR INCARCERATED AND USELESS UNTO GOD'S WORK. IT IS A SEPARATION ENTRAPMENT SET FORTH BY THE BEAST TO CATCH THE LIGHTED PEOPLE. YOU CAN STAY OUT OF THE SYSTEM TO THE FULL LIMIT ALLOWED BY THE LAW BUT YOU DO NO ONE A FAVOR BY GETTING YOURSELF KILLED--IT NEANS ONE LESS WORKER FOR GOD.
THE NUMBER OF MAN
Let us look at that which is projected unto you and might be well worthy of note. Then number with which all the world will be commanded to work, buy and sell during the Great Tribulation is the number of man--and you find it on all bar-codes and Elite products. Number 6 as has been distorted for identification and easy reference has even taken as the number of imperfection; the human-given human number; the number of MAN as destitute of God--without God/Christ. At any rate, it is certain that man was created on the sixth day goes the accepted WORD, and thus he would be established under the number six--which would identify him and then, it goes on with several other non-coincidental accidents in numbering. For example, six days were appointed to man for his labor so it went, while one day is associated in sovereignty with the Lord God--as his day of rest. Then the infinite symbol of 8 represents infinity or immortality which is also of God. The serpent also, was created somehow on the sixth day, or so the Goods Book says--obviously God was most busy and yet totally restricted on the sixth day of His masterful creation. The sixth clause of the Lord's Prayer treats of sin. Six is the number stamped on all that is connected with human labor. You will see it stamped upon his measures which he uses in his labour and on the time during which he labors. And you see this from the very beginning.
Six, thew number of man, is one less than seven, the number which represents God and two less than the Creation. This indicates that man was created somehow in the likeness of God, but is not God, because God is perfect and sinless and one within and with Creation. The Sixth Commandment came as a result of Cain's sin of killing his brother, and the man who will ultimately claim the number 666 will be the greatest murderer the world has ever known. God put a mark upon Cain after the murder of Abel. Although Cain's mark was for the purpose of protecting him from those who would kill him, it also signified that before God, he was condemned. God forbade the children of Judea to mark their bodies--or did he? For the translation always read "Israel". The quoting then always continues with this looking forward to the time when the "Jews", as well as the rest of the world, would be called upon to take the mark of the Anti-Christ. Well, will the "Jews" take the mark? I guess so--they crested it!
But let us look a bit further into the book of Revelation. The Apocalypse: The 'mark' itself is at once a number and a name. The Apostle tells you what it is. As he gives it, it is made up of two Greek characters which stand for the name of Christ, with a third, the figure of a crooked serpent, put between them...Thjis horrid sign must everyone receive on one of the most conspicuous parts of the body, cut, stamped or branded in, there to abide indelibly. No one may either buy or sell without this mark, and all who do receive it take upon their bodies the token and seal of heir damnation!
Do you really.believe you have not already been branded? Let us consider that, for years--well over two decades--the laser beam has been branding steers and horses--and even salmon while they remain in the stream, swimming. It is instant and painless. The laser simply destroys skin pigment. In some thirty-BILLIONTHS of a second a technician can stitch a brand--or initials, or symbol. This type of branding of animals for ownership or research purposes has become common practice. Do you think it probable that everyone of you have been branded while standing, say, in a line to vote or register your car or, or, or--certainly if you have any kind of medical examination, dental care or hospitalization--especially immunizations.
TRANSACTION CARD/FINAL CARD
This is the final laugh at the world citizenry. This is one of the world's greatest conspiracies and it is being quietly conducted in.the most sacred halls of secular secrecy, brothers. While its thrust is Economic, its reach is without limit. No System will escape its mastery, be it in Politics or religions, Social or otherwise. I told you long ago, dear ones, that the SDI program was not f defense but rather to place into space satellites which unite the entire world banking system--the beast to all other parts in instant connection--with all citizens registered, identified and located. You are all simply within the system. The point is to protect yourself from the system as much as possible and the only way to do so is to utilize the laws and rules utilized by your adversary for as long as you can do so.
The Prime Mover here is the most powerful Consortium of financial institutions, capitalists, and scientists ever leagued together. Their common purpose is to bring every person, place and thing under their total control and it is all but in place and already operational.
The applied strategy is by way of instant IDENTIFICATION. This means of ixentoification is by way of assignment of MARKS (or bars) for NUJMBERS read by machines. (Numbers people can read, Marks they can't--the name of this game is SECRECY.)
Phase I began in 1970 with a ncnscientious effort to "IDENTIFY EVERY ITEM" at the manufacturers level with a NUMBER "MARKED" on it. A group of Numbers designated by Marks, lines or bars, is called a Bar Code, (Code 39, etc.), and giant computer manufacturers are central to the phase.
Phase II began in 1973 with an effort to IDENTIFY each PERSON with a Number. The Social Security Numbers when blended with the Universal Numbering System will be converted to "Bars". Initially, the NUMBER will be "marked" on a Card; (a World_Wide Money-ID-Card). Subsequently, according to the old Bible Prophecy written ands directed by the very ones who would put it into place, it will be stamped upon the person it identifies. As the MARK OF IDENTITY on an ITEM is a Bar Code, so the MARK OF IDENTIY on a Card and later on a person, will be a Bar Code facsimile. The Government, Banks, and Card Companies are central to this phase.
Phase III is an effort to identify everything in the world, whether mobile or stationary; if mobile, then how to instantaneously locate it, as a piece of luggage, an expensive race horse, a family car, or a pet or person. Central to this is the Federal Government which has spent ten years In research on "Electronic Identification" at Los Alamos, the Airlines, and private inventors.
The symbol of 666 is absolutely instrumental to the Bar Code system. You are already in it, so let us be most careful how you handle it. Your best defense against it is to know truth about it--stop deluding yourself that you can somehow avoid the mark lest you get s special mark which sets you apart as a troublemaker and you will be among the first incarcerated or removed by other means.

I'll be leaving uni for home in a few days time, but I just got off the phone after talking with my parents and siblings and had felt triggered about the past 2 years and how I almost commited suicide because of all the stress and pressure of putting up with what had transpired. For context, I'm 24 (F) in my last year of uni, and I have two brothers 30(M) and (5M) who live with my parents (Both in their late 50's), who live in the country side. I had been diagnosed with heart disease when I was in highschool and since then things have been tough for me, with losing all my weight and having to go through three different schools just to complete high school because of my health, but since then I have got the hang of taking care of myself and my symptoms, I have gained weight, made it to uni (which was a suprise not only to myself but my teachers as well) and am almost done with uni, and I could not be prouder. However, this past week has been a roller coaster, with thoughts of committing suicide lurking in every corner, I didn't know why at first but after talking to my parents on the phone bits of memories came flooding back to me about how I thought I reached my point of living and that my heart was gonna give out any moment or that it would be better if I'd just off myself with that sharp knife in the corner by slitting my wrists open. You see, my mum had this really bad lung infection the Christmas of 2022 while I was home for the holidays, and I took on most of the responsibility of taking care of her from 5am in the morning to the next morning where I'd sleep at 3am after ensuring she was okay, then wake up to do it all again. Don't get me wrong, I loved taking care of my mum, it made me happy that I could be there when she was at her weakest to lend her the strength and care she deserved after taking care of me all these years. It all happened one afternoon when my brother has come home afted being gone all day and did not even receive an earful from my parents (or mainly my dad) like I did for being out for just 2 hours to unwind from taking care of my mum and nursing her back to health all while not having any contact with friends or the outside world then our yard for almost 2 months, I was called selfish by my dad and told that my actions were stupid that if my mum would die I'd look stupid crying for her just like my mum's sister who chose to go out and meet friends the day her father died, that I was supposed to be at home with mum taking care of her. My dad is a stay at home dad, my older brother dropped out of college and my mum is the sole bread winner of the family. While my mum was sick, my dad would get groceries, attend to church meetings, ensure the yard was kept clean lend a hand when it was needed with caring for mum while my brother ate, slept on time, had time to meet friends, throw his plates in the sink without washing them and not lending a hand with helping mum. Meanwhile I spent my days bathing her, dressing her, feeding her, massaging her body, changing her hot water in her mugs to ensure she stayed hydrated because that's all she could drink without coughing , cleaning her sleeping area and sanitizing it everytime she had to go to bed after a warm bath as well as watching over her as she slept to ensure her pillows were placed in a way that didn't obstruct her airflow all while also ensuring that everyone's laundry was done and put away, food was cooked and served, plates were washed and put away, my little brother was cared for also while doing part of my dad's work around the house to ensure he got enoughg sleep at night, since we lived by the country side there were a lot of chores to do around the house as most of the things were done manually or by hand. I did this until she got back on her feet and was able to do little things around the house without my help. After a week or two when my mum had improved told my parents that I'll be gone the next day after lunch to see my friend and that normally before mum got sick Friday was a free day for me that I get an off day of doing house work. So the day came, I dressed up (I felt pretty after not being able to do that in a whole) and left after ensuring that my big brother was home to assist mum whenever she needed and also checked on my mum to see if she was okay and that she didn't need my help before I stepped out of the house at 2pm. The walk to my friend's house felt like heaven, with sun in my face, the breeze on my face and the skip in my step. I spent the afternoon talking, laughing and having a good time with my friend before going home at 5pm, happy and satisfied that the day had brought me so much joy and relieved my stress. I got and came in with a big Hello, to everyone in the house, my dad didn't say anything, he just sat there looking so mad. And that's when he proceeded to call me selfish and compare me to my mother's sister all while my mother and brother sat there saying nothing, I atleast thought they would've spoken up to say that I needed the break, but they didn't. I cried as ai stood there listening to my dad utter out harsh words until I couldn't listen to him anymore. I proceeded muster up a less shaky voice and said the following "I apologies for going out to see my friend and I apologies mum and dad it won't happen again, but the thing is I needed this, after taking care of mum and the house I just needed a break. My brother gets to go out, meet friend and talk to them and even stay out till late but he never gets scolded but when I do it's different. I do everything in this house, I take care of mum, wash all of your clothes, cook the food, feed you all and even wash up after everything and you big brother can't even wash your own plate or lend a hand. Oh and dad I spend the time I get after mum finally rests during the day to do some of your chores to cut down the amount of time you spend doing them in order for you to get a good night's rest and I go to sleep early in the morning just to wake up after 2 hours and do it all again. So I'm sorry that I had to go out, but I really needed it." After saying all that, I went up to my room and cried the whole night. The next morning I came downstairs at 10am to find my dad washing up and my mum on her phone, it was a quiet day, I thought my brother was in his room, then the we got heard that he had actually left in the morning to go visit my aunt who is a 30 minute drive from our house, where he spent the day hanging out with friends and cousins before coming back home at 6pm with my grandma who came to spend a week with us. My dad upon hearing the news that my brother was had left in the morning just shook his head and said that my brother should have stayed and lend a hand around the house, but after my brother got back I was hoping he'd get the same scolding my dad gave me, well that never happened. I went to my mum and asked her why wasn't daddy scolding my big brother and she did not say anything so I spoke up and said aloud, "wow, so I get a scolding for staying out for just 3 hours but he gets to stay out for an entire day without helping out around here and he gets welcomed home?" I then went to my room because I didn't want them to see the tears that started to fall, then it hit me when I was in my room crying, everything that happened over the years on how differently I was treated, my accomplishments my birthday's and even my sickness. It hit me how differently I was treated, my brother had big graduation foods prepared and his graduations were celebrated from primary all the way to high school and little courses while I just had a well done from my parents even after taking in prices since I was in elementary, thought they'd take me out to eat a celebratory lunch after my high school graduation because it was the hardest part of my life to pass but all I got was a disgusted look and a 'thats what your wearing?' after at my graduation after I took my gown off to take pictures. I can't remember the time I blew out candles for my birthday or when a party was thrown for me, but my brother somehow has a cake for most of his birthdays and he had a really big party once with four big cakes, a whole roasted pig, lots of food and even had all his friends invited. When i reaches the age of 14, the same age he was when my parents threw him a party, I thought I'd have the same too, but I didn't, and still had not one party until I turned 24. The day I turned 23, was a month after my mum got better, I spent the whole day cooking for everyone, was wished happy birthday after realising it was my birthday, I then told them I'd come down to eat later after I take a nap and that they should serve the food and leave mine on the dining table. I came down to find they ate most of the food, and I was only placed only a bit of food in my plate. I got mad and hit my plate on the table with just a little food spilling over, my dad saw this and screamed at me and told me that my future husband would beat me up and that my life will be miserable and bad because of what I did. Well you guessed it, I went back to my room crying, and that blade in my bag looked so tempting against my wrists. I also remember when my brother dropped out of college that I was blamed by my parents, with my dad telling me on my way back from the grocery store that I'm the reason my brother ended up like how he is because they show me too much favour growing up. And when my big brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after dropping out of college after misuse of alcohol and drugs my mum religiously took to the internet to search for diets, information and everything to do with it until he became better and she continued doing so for every little sickness like flu, meanwhile my heart disease was never on her search list. She even signed up for YouTube videos and lessons on everything to do with my brother health, and mind you my heart disease was diagnosed 6 years before he got bipolar. I left for school after the holidays, still exhausted and stressed from the entire experience. My body had reached its lowest point, I could feel my heart was tired, I was ready to die in my bed in my dorm, I had made peace that if my heart passed out before while rest I'd be okay with it. That's third year of uni was hell for me, my body never really recovered, I kept getting sick, had malaria countless times as well as typhoid three times in a row the same year. The stress combined with with the state of my immunity caused me to be sent to various medical officers and clinics to get my blood samples and x-rays to find what was wrong with me, why after being treated and cured my body felt sick. They thought I had tuberculosis, others thought I had STI's but all tests came back negative, and mind you all these tests cost money and my parents weren't happy with what they were spending for me to get this tests. It came to a point when I called my mum to tell her that I feel really sick and I'm stressed with my assignments, only for her to say "you're always sick, everytime we call you're sick. Don't you know we're tired of this, stop trying to get sick!". I'm tired of getting sick too mum, I thought to myself as I got off the call and stared at the pile of medicine Infront of me prescribed by the doctor as well as my heart meds, and they were too much, my mum's words over the phone kept playing in my head I I got my the blade on my study table and pressed it into my left wrist lightly drew it over to cut the skin, the pain felt soothinf, calming even, then I wondered how it would feel if I placed the knife on my study table and fell on it to pierce my heart, would the pain feel good? Would the thoughts stop? Would mum stop complaining? Would they mis me? What would happen to my body? Then I thought better of it and wrote in my dairy ro stop myself from doing ealxactly that then I was distracted by my medicine Infront of me with thoughts of "they would never know if you take all these and overdose, it'll be a painless death." The remainder of third year continued like these, with sickness and suicide thoughts until I went for job internship at a company I've always wanted to work in and life was good because i didnt for home for the holidays and I spent the holidays at school in my little dorm room with friends who looked out for me. Then 2024 rolled around and I'm properly rested, no stress and I'm happy. That's is until a month ago when my parents bought me my ticket to go back home to see them for the holidays that I spiralled, I had completely locked those memories away, but after every phone call this past month I'm left a crying mess with flashes of words said and feelings felt during that time and I go back to thinking of suicide. I nearly commited suicide on the 16th of may, i was truly gonna go throught with it, I wanted to so bad if only I did not see the bible verses in front of me amd if my roommates hadn't come back early. But I know, if I do go home now, I might actually commit suicide, if something like what happened in the past happens again, or if they say another harsh word, I wouldn't think twice of dying, because I'm done, I truly am.

Asalaamualikum brothers and sisters
On my 25th birthday on the 27th of March my best friend attended during Ramadan, of course we kept it humble we had fruits at iftaar and spoke with each other, she was fine. The same night subhanallah she passed away suddenly. I did receive a message from her on March 21 a few nights before my birthday of her saying she loves me and my children and that we have been friends for a long time and she wants to stay friends forever she said there is no distance between us no matter how far we go. I visited her the next night after my birthday in the intensive care unit , she was on life support. I am just at a loss of words. She did pass during the last 10 days of Ramadan and I just want to know how or why Allah swt could take her like that? At her Janazah prayer I was in shock, people were fainting. What does the Quran say about sudden death amongst the best servants of Allah? She did say the shahada twice before she passed.

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The following two brain scans were provided by the Neuro-Warfare branch of the Halcyon Security Division (HSD) for the purpose of analyzing the thoughts, behaviors, and information of notorious gangsters Vincent 'Troy' Cohen and Bruno (Deadname: Koraak Tel-Char). At the point of the recording of this archival shared, Bruno has since received his rebirth therapy, and Vincent is currently serving a long-term rehabilitative and reeducative sentence in the Erebus Supermax Prison on Io.
Warning: the contents of this archival shared may be especially disturbing to some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
Warning: the contents of this archival shard are for the sole purpose of analyzing the thought patterns and memories of certain degenerate criminals in an effort to ascertain vital information that can be used to eliminate their organizations. Only staff with clearance level Omega may view this archival shared, and the viewership of this archival shared by anyone of inadequate clearance level will lead to twenty years in prison and a fine of over a hundred thousand credits.
Booting up memory scan: Vincent 'Troy' Cohen, November 4th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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"Do you have visuals of the target, Troy?"
I knelt down in the alleyway, the bodies of me and my partners shrouded in long, waterproof, ashen-gray overcoats the shade of dirty street scum that we wore to ward off the constant heavy rainfall the color of osmium. Our faces were covered in a mix of scrapped respirators, visors, or full metal face masks carved with intricate designs to hide our identities. On our waists were our badges of honor: leather belts studded with interlocked rivets made from blackened titanium, each buckle forged of silver and shaped into the head of our gang's symbol, the black mamba. We hid amongst the shadows of the dark midday of Halcyon City, the heavy, oppressive rains blanketing the roads paved obsidian-black with asphalt and weathered concrete walkways. The street lamps were always on, like beacons of false hope in a storm of melancholy.
The city was dark and dreary as always, the planet of Proxima Centauri B, renamed Dawn's Lamentation over a century ago, orbited the red dwarf star of Proxima Centauri, and the atmosphere was thick with natural smog and ever-storming rain clouds. That didn't dissuade people from living here: there was plenty of money to be had for shrewd industrialists and hardworking pioneers, even in the urban sprawl. But that life also came with risks, especially for those on the bottom of the totem pole.
I was a ganger, and we were criminals; full stop. I won't assault you with some spiel about how we're the good guys fighting oppression because, at the end of the day, we could be just as bad, if not worse, than Halcyon's Security Division, or the HSD for short. We were traffickers, killers, extortionists, and money launderers. We dealt with everything from stolen tech and military-grade hardware to hard drugs and sentients.
Yes, sentients. We trafficked sentients, but not in the way you might think. They weren't prisoners, in fact, we were their saviors if they had the cash. We had developed a reputation for fighting the power, but it was still business: sure, freeing captives from the clutches of the Protectorate. The disruption of its many oppressive organizations held a certain satisfaction in my heart for sure, but we didn't help those who couldn't pay unless someone else paid on their behalf. It was about making sure me and my gang, my family, could live a decent life for another day.
It helped that most of us joined after leaving the state yard for partaking in acts of 'degeneracy' and 'anti-xenopet illegalities' as if those terms meant anything anymore other than that we were a threat to the local status quo. It was hard to pick up a job as a former inmate when even in something as harsh and backbreaking as a job in the iridium mines near the poles when the employment office had you blacklisted as a degenerate, which lead to the formation of many of the gangs: we needed to make a living somehow, and when all social programs were cut off from you unless you submitted for 're-education' and the only way to put food on the table was subverting, breaking, or even downright fighting the law, you did what you had to do or you died on the streets a scorned beggar.
It wasn't like the HSD made it easy for us on even a good day: the local HSD units were armed to the teeth with advanced, military-grade hardware that you'd often see on the front lines of the Second Authority War: armored assault transports, a myriad of advanced war droids, all sorts of chemical countermeasures that made tear gas seem like putting the garden hose on mist mode, and of course advanced firearms. Add that to the fact that they were authorized to use deadly force when they deemed it necessary and you had a ruthless, heartless, and nearly unstoppable enemy. But we could make that work: we weren't trying to stop them, just to withstand them.
"Yeah, I got eyes on the prize, Koraak; seven armored transports, two for droids, five for prisoners."
Today wasn't a day for a normal job: we were getting bolder, cockier, more ambitious. Our numbers had swelled for the last few years after the raid at Barnard's Star and the fall of the Blood Dragon Mafia. Their leader, Saito Yasuhide, had committed seppuku as their manor burned, and his twin sons had gone down fighting rather than allowing themselves to be captured simply to face a firing squad. In the aftermath, many of the family's associates had fled to the surrounding systems, and with the sheer size and scope of the criminal underworld found here, it was no wonder that many people who had developed skills of the less legal variety had decided to form ranks with the gangs, and with them they brought guns, tech, knowledge, contacts, and even something that we thought wasn't possible beforehand: a semblance of peace between the gangs, or at least the closest thing to peace that gangs could cultivate effectively. With the fall of the Blood Dragons, we saw the writing on the wall, and the writing couldn't have been clearer: work together or die together.
"Sounds like a massacre, Troy: are you sure we can handle seven?"
"We ain't got no choice, Cinder: this job's double the usual rate, and that's not including the weapons and gear we could scrounge if this goes well," I hissed, my eyes scanning for any resistance. There were at least four guards for each van, not to mention at least eight droids in total, meaning that we were already outnumbered, but we had the element of surprise: we could make it work. "So put your balls in your purse and get ready to spill some blood."
Koraak snorted at our antics, which sounded like someone pulling the ripcord on a lawnmower. He was a veteran Russu Corsair, and while his past of slaving, raiding, and killing was unsavory, so were the lives we'd lived, so who were we to judge? All we cared about was that he was a brutal and capable fighter and a loyal brother in arms. It turned out that being a ganger wasn't much different from being a Corsair: you lived and died by a code of honor, you fought to the death for your brothers, and you lived to die for the sake of your gang and your family, simple as that. In a strange, ironic way, it was an incredibly honest way of life: we were under no illusions as to what we were, what we did, and why we did it, and we'd long since accepted it. The Russu related to us in that aspect, in many ways I could respect, which is why I hated what the Protectorate was doing, and why I couldn't grasp how most of humanity could just collectively lose their marbles so long ago. What had happened for us to deem all other life below us in such a demeaning and infantilizing way?
The Russu were a race of tall, muscle-bound Saurians with avian features, and Koraak was no exception: reaching almost seven feet in height and weighing over four hundred and fifty pounds, he could be an absolute menace if he so desired. His skin was covered in stubby, knobby scales and dense plumage, with elegant feathers adorning the ridges along his back as well as his forearms, elbows, knees, and the crests on his head. He almost looked like how paleontologists described velociraptors, with razor-sharp talons, feathers shaded in vibrant greens, reds, and purples, and a maw full of sharp teeth, but at the tip of his snout was a sharp, beak-like growth meant for ripping flesh off the bone.
The Russu were strange as hell, but they also looked almost cute in the same way a fully grown alligator was cute: they were obviously dangerous, but humans would always have this innate desire to anthropomorphize them and to pet them for some inexplicable reason, although common sense usually prevented that, at least amongst the very few of us left that were sane.
"Shut up, Troy! All I'm saying is that that'll be rough, and you know it," hissed Cinder. Cinder was a tall black man whose coffee-colored skin was covered in tattoos. He wore an ebony mechanic's jumpsuit with metal inserts underneath his grimy overcoat covering his body and a faded black respirator on his face. His eyes were a startling blue that seemed sorely out of place, and his hair was braided into thick cornrows along his scalp. He wore a pair of heavy black combat boots and palmed his compact shotgun in his hands, the square barrel less than seven inches. Like a lot of the weapons the Black Mambas carried on their persons and dealt in, they fired caseless ammunition; in Cinder's case it was 16x40mm caseless shotshells filled with depleted uranium micro-flechetes no thicker than a toothpick. Cinder nervously fiddled with the detachable tube magazine underneath the barrel, his hands shaking. Despite the shit I have him, I didn't blame him for being anxious: I was anxious too, even if I refused to show it. The biting cold of unease and pessimism was in my stomach, and I ran all the way that this job could go wrong in my head over and over.
"Just hold yourself together, this ain't anything we haven't done before, there's just more of it," I reassured Cinder, "besides, we're not alone; we have reinforcements across the street. We'll make it out of this alive."
Cinder nodded almost absentmindedly, his eyes downcast and his breathing shallow. I turned from him and back to Koraak, who was making sure he had everything on his person; he had a synthetic leather bandoleer across his chest that contained the heavy eight guage depleted uranium slugs he kept loading and unloading into his much larger, longer, and more traditional shotgun he nicknamed ‘carnage’ and several leather straps that held his Tu'shan daggers: traditional Russu pyramidal blades forged from a silvery alloy with all three edges serrated and the tip barbed to leave behind horrible, gaping wounds that gushed blood. They were wickedly sharp and absolutely straight like a stiletto, and the hilts and pommels were beautifully decorated. He wore no clothes underneath his overcoat to cover the countless scars and blemishes he's earned in combat across his chest and abdomen, and instead of a normal respirator or visor, he simply wore a hood over his head and some traditional Russu facial armor to protect his mouth, eyes, and cheeks.
"You ready to fight, Koraak? The caravan will pick up and leave soon."
Koraak was silent for a moment before nodding, a human gesture he had picked up after serving as a soldier with the Black Mambas for years. "I'm always ready to fight," he said before lifting up his shotgun and aiming down the sights at the reinforced front wheels of the first armored car in the caravan. He exhaled and fired, the slug ripping through both front tires and causing them to deflate and fall apart. The echo of the shot rang through the alleyway and the street, causing pedestrians to panic and flee the scene as heavily armored guards poured out of the side doors of the armored cars and unholstered their carbines.
"Go, now!" I shouted, and both me and Cinder rushed out into the fray, our guns raised. Koraak was right behind the two of us, providing covering fire with his shotgun. Several guards fell quickly, Koraak's precise fire and the sheer force of the depleted uranium slugs putting them down for good as their heads were vaporized or their chest cavities were turned to mush. He emptied the tube with one final shot that painted the grey matter of a security guard on the door of one of the armored cars, then racked the shotgun and expertly loaded it in threes, his hands deft and agile as he reached for more slugs faster than any human.
With the cacophony of our initial assault, more Black Mambas poured out from the alleyways and the subways, armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons; shotguns, submachine guns, pistols, machetes, baseball bats, and all manner of homemade explosives. Molotovs and more potent concoctions shattered against the asphalt, herding in the caravan guards with their volatile contents as they were quickly gunned down. The assault was working, and we were winning.
Then I heard the robotic whine of a combat droid activating, and my heart sank. One of the armored cars in the back activated the four combat droids it held, the robotic assault units detaching from their charging ports on the sides of the large van and began to form up, each armed with a terrifying array of deadly weapons meant to quash any and all resistance. They were blocky, soulless, utilitarian things that stood at eight feet tall, with flat feet meant for stomping and blades, grasping claws designed to lacerate flesh and shatter bone. On each shoulder was a weapon: on the left was a multi-barrel rotary grenade launcher loaded with 15mm concussion grenades, and on the right was a burst-fire splinter cannon. They were all painted a dull grayish-green, the color of Halcyon's Security Division, although some had a few decorations on them: the one closest to me had a bit of graffiti on the side that said Mr. Hugs in Comic Sans, which I couldn't decide whether that made it more or less terrifying. They split up without hesitation and began to scan the chaotic battlefield, their single, red, beady lenses the security forces had the gall to call eyes focusing on specific targets to eliminate.
An entire group of Black Mambas was torn to pieces by a cloud of flechettes as one of the droids fired a withering three-round burst of shotshells from the four gauge splinter cannon mounted on its shoulder. Another picked up a Black Mamba in its hand and crushed her skull effortlessly before tossing her limp body to the side, its single, red, remorseless robotic eye tracking a new target. Most bullets that struck their thick armored chassis simply bounced off, and those that could pierce the armor didn't seem to phase the droids whatsoever, merely notifying them of a new potential target.
"Damnit," I shouted as I gunned down another guard only for two more to take his place. "Cinder! We gotta pop open the cars and scram! Get the maglock cutters!"
Cinder rushed and slid over through a dirty puddle, pulling out a maglock cutter from the inside of his coat and slipping it onto the back door of the first van. It immediately went to work, drilling through the maglock with a high-powered plasma torch nozzle, and within ten seconds we heard the telltale clunk of the maglock separating. I yanked the door open and ordered I side, ready to escort the prisoners out… only for my face to contort in shock and horror.
The back was empty. There was not a single soul inside of the back brig of the armored car.
"What the fuck…" Cinder gasped, his eyes wide with shock. "What the actual fuck… what the fuck is this, Troy?"
"I… I don't…" I stuttered the sounds of battle and carnage drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in my ears. All five cars were supposed to be filled with recently captured Russu from the front lines ready to be housed in the local Xenopet-Megaplex for processing and conditioning. The fact that this one was empty…
Suddenly, it all hit me at once with the force of a freight train, but it was too late. "We were set up, Cinder; our fucking client either squealed or was crooked to begin with…"
"Fucking bitch!" Cinder shouted as he spun around in an enraged arch, anger growing in his eyes. He aimed his shotgun at an approaching security guard and reduced his upper body to a fine red mist with a cacophony of shotgun blasts. "We gotta get everyone who's left out of here! Do you know what this means? The Jurors will be here soon, and then we're all going down! We gotta go, fuck the job!"
I grit my teeth. Not the Jurors, anything but the Jurors.
"Fine, gather everyone who's left and we'll slip through the sewers, the droids are too bulky to follow us there…"
As I spoke, my eyes wandered to the seventh and final armored car, the second of the droid cars, and my blood froze. Not only were all four ports empty, but they were also smaller and more shallow than the ports for the combat droids. That could only mean one thing.
"Oh fuck! Cinder, we gotta get our Russu members out of here! They've got arachnid droids!"
Arachnid droids were the stuff of nightmares. Resembling blocky, robotic arachnids the size of a manhole cover, they were specifically designed to take down sentient aliens, specifically the Russu, using sickeningly non-lethal means. They were equipped with full-body adaptive cloaking to blend in with their environments, paralytic agents that they could inject into their victims, built-in taser barbs, psychedelic gas ports for crowd-control, and a narrow-coned cacophony canon that disabled the Russu using incredibly high-pitched sounds that only they could hear, forcing them onto their knees and clutching the backs of their heads where their auditory organs were stored in agony. But worst of all was their stygian spinnerets: special ports near the end of their robotic abdomens that excreted a viscous, latex-like substance made up of millions of nano-bots. This substance could be used to render Russu blind, deaf, and mute by having it forced onto their faces, the black substance growing and enveloping their heads and working its way into every orifice. It was completely permeable to the standard atmosphere, but any Russu who had been 'webbed' was completely helpless and essentially captured, and the 'webbing' was both nearly indestructible and nigh impossible to remove without a triple-encrypted override key that was found in every arachnid droid's code, which was corrupted when the droid was destroyed or hacked into. Once you were 'webbed', you were essentially captured and the standard protocol was to leave you to the wolves since the nano-bots could be tracked, endangering the entire gang.
I turned just as I heard the deafening sound of Koraak discharging his shotgun, and I saw him squaring off against one of the assault droids. The droid has obviously been programmed to not use lethal force against Russu if possible, as instead of simply killing Koraak with it's shoulder-mounted splinter cannon, it approached with its claws extended, blades retracted. Koraak continued to back away and fire, pumping the droid full of depleted uranium slugs, its armor crumbling inward as the slugs pierced its chassis and damaged its internal cyberstructure. Eventually, Koraak ran out of slugs and instinctively reached to his bandoleer only to find that he had no more shells left at all, and he drew one of his knives and his sidearm, a simple high-caliber handgun. He tried to take down the droid with his handgun, but the bullets didn't even seem to affect the droid upon penetration, it's claws still extended as it attempted to apprehend Koraak.
In the corner of my vision, as I watched Koraak battle with the droid, I noticed a faint shimmer in the air on one of the black streetlight poles that was right behind him. I focused on it and blinked, believing my eyes had deceived me for a moment before realizing that it was actually a cloaked arachnid droid stalking Korvaak, ready to pounce and incapacitate him.
Before I could shout, it leaped from the pole and landed on Korvaak, causing him to shout in surprise while it began to coagulate its horrifying stygian webbing to disable Korvaak. Korvaak tried to wrestle it off of him, but the droid was agile and fast, clinging onto Korvaak and skittering around across his upper body as he attempted to grab it, forcibly wrapping the sticky black liquid across his face as he gagged like a spider wrapping up a fly. I rushed towards him to try and help, but I felt pain explode in my ribs as I was struck with the arm of the closest combat droid and launched into the chassis of a parked car, the metal denting from the sheer force of impact. I groaned in pain as I saw stars and my head spun, and just then I felt a blinding light be cast over me.
“Drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head, or you will be pacified with deadly force!” Shouted a loud, artificially deepened voice from above. “I repeat, drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head! Neither hostility nor hesitation will be tolerated!”
It was the Jurors, I could feel the air being pushed around from the thrusters on their drop ships, and I could hear screams and shouts as my fellow Black Mambas were quickly gunned down. I couldn’t see well since I was seeing double, but I could hear the slaughter as my eyes dimmed and I began to lose consciousness, my regrets crawling up my throat like vomit.
I’m sorry was all I could think as everything finally went dark, and the sounds of chaos, destruction, and combat faded away.
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Memory halted due to loss of consciousness. Booting next available memory in shard…
Booting up memory scan: Koraak Tel-Char Bruno, November 5th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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“Good morning, sleepyhead; it’s time for breakfast.”
My eyes shot open. I was not in the street anymore, nor was I home in my bed with my mate. I knew instantly that something was horribly wrong. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t gain the leverage to do so: my ankles had been shackled together with magnetic cuffs and my arms were forced together in front of me.
I was wearing some kind of thick shirt. It was warm, fluffy, and comfortable on the inside, but it still made me incredibly uncomfortable that my arms didn’t have a free range of motion. I looked down to see that I was wearing some human garment I had heard about before, a straightjacket maybe?
The entire room was padded: the walls, the floor, even the ceiling. There was no bed or furniture; the floor was soft enough to serve as a bed in itself. There was nothing else except for the soft reddish-orange lights on the ceiling that somehow made me sleepy. I blinked slowly for a moment, my body screaming at me to just lay back down and lose consciousness, but I couldn’t do that: I needed to figure out where I was and how to escape.
Then I noticed who was speaking to me: it was a short human female, with crow's feet around her blue eyes, blonde hair braided down her back, and freckles all over her face. She had a soft smile on her lips, and her forehead was slightly crinkled. She wore a full-body white lab suit with a white overcoat and a pair of glasses for snugly on her face.
"There we go, now I can see those pretty eyes, such a beautiful shade of teal," she cooed softly, "You're such a handsome boy, even with all those scars: I'm sure you'll be adopted very quickly once we get you fixed up."
Fear gripped my heart as I began to piece all the evidence together. I had been captured; I was no longer on Halcyon, and instead, I was in one of the horrific space-born facilities I had heard so much about from the inside agents. I started to hyperventilate and squawk like a newborn hatchling, my eyes dilating in panic. This couldn't be happening! This has to be a nightmare!
The human woman merely wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, cradling my head under her chin and speaking softly. I couldn't bite at her or claw at her: I was muzzled and wearing a straight jacket, so I had no choice but to allow her to coddle me.
"It's okay, sweetheart: I understand you're scared, but Julie's here to make all the pain and bad thoughts go away," she said as if she was comforting a child, which made anger blossom in my chest indignantly. "I'll be your caretaker for the next few months, and I'm going to make sure you're healthy, happy, and most importantly safe while you're under our care. I'm sorry to say that includes your restraints and restrictive clothing, but we have to make sure you aren't a threat to yourself or others before we can determine if it's a good idea to remove you from suicide watch."
I growled under my muzzle. Suicide watch? They must have had a lot of instances of Russu taking their own lives after being captured, something I wished I had been able to do before that damnable droid launched itself onto me and…
I shuddered at the thought of the black, viscous substance forcing itself into my nostrils and down my throat and windpipe, gagging me and rendering me completely helpless. It was so cold, so harsh, like slime, and when I had tried to tear it off of my face it merely attached itself to my claws and bound my talons together. I remember squirming on the ground as it enveloped me, unable to see, hear, or speak, and then everything went dark in an instant. It was the most horrible thing I had ever experienced, which was saying something.
"You alright, sweetheart? Oh, I know, you're probably hungry! Here, try some of this." She held up a piece of what looked like raw bacon and wiggled it in front of me before reaching out to remove my muzzle. In an instant, I attempted to snap at her only for pain to blossom in my forehead and my eyes to roll up in my head as I convulsed. It was like something was attempting to drill through my skull from the inside, and every breath felt empty and labored.
"Now, that didn't feel very nice, did it? This is why we have countermeasures in place because we can't trust you yet, sweetheart! Don't worry, we'll work on breaking you of all those bad behaviors and habits while you're here; after all, a well-trained pet is a happy pet!" She began to stroke the crests on my head as I slowly recovered, and she snugly fit the muzzle back onto my snout. "But I won't hold it against you this time, sweetheart; you're just scared and confused, but I'll make all the pain go away."
I struggled in the straight jacket, trying my best to break out of it, but it was no use. Eventually, I became exhausted and despondent, allowing my new caretaker to have her way with me as she gently ran her fingers through my feathers and along my ridges, quietly speaking to me in a hopeless attempt to cheer me up. She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, which concerned me even further: who could be this naturally twisted while attempting to be as benevolent and kindhearted as possible?
I felt the pain and terror build up in my chest, the anxiety from what horrific activities I imagined they had planned for me here. I couldn't take the infantilization, the lack of any autonomy, the dehumanization, and what I feared the most was if the rumors of 'rebirth' were true: would they take my personhood from me?
Suddenly, I felt her whisper to me. "Don't worry sweetheart, I know you're so scared and confused, but I promise you everything will be okay: it's going to be your birthday soon, and then everything will get better." She ran her fingers through the feathers along my crest lovingly. "It will be such a wonderful day, and then we'll choose for you the most wonderful family, and you'll spend the rest of your life happy in your forever home! Doesn't all of that sound wonderful?"
I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to lose myself, not like this, not to these monsters!
"It'll be your birthday soon," she said wistfully as if she was remembering similar events to this in the past like I wasn't the first she'd done this too, "and you'll never be sad again."
I realized that I wasn't the first the stay in this particular cell, and I knew for certain that I wouldn't be the last: I'd end up like my brother, a broken, erased mess of a pathetic creature, reduced to nothing more than a pet for these humans to amuse themselves with.
"We took the liberty of picking out a nice name for you, sweetheart! Now, let me just slip this little programming chip into the port slot on your occipital bone, and... there we go! It will also help you calm down a bit and adjust."
I felt the chip begin to invade my mind, suppressing my thoughts. What made me me was slowly being ripped out of my mind. I couldn't remember my name my name is Bruno, and I needed to get out! I can't let them do this to me! Somebody help me! I was a good boy.
##Do not think. You are a good boy.##
I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't work: I had trouble forming any words at all, the confusion clouding my mind like wet, slimy eels curling around my brain and sinking their teeth into its folds like needles. I couldn’t scream any longer, because I had nothing left: the chip was slowly beginning to take everything from me, robbing me of my identity and branding a new one into my psyche with a white-hot iron. Julie simply held me close, attempting to reassure me as I awaited the inevitable demise of my personhood. Soon I would be just like my brother: erased. My mind would be shaped into the mind of a loyal plaything, like a Dog.
##Relax. Allow caretaker [Julie] to comfort you. You will let go of your burden.##
Soon, everything was a blur. I quickly found myself resting my head in her lap as she whispered to me and fed me, my eyes bleary and my head fuzzy. I couldn't remember my name anymore My name was Bruno, and I needed to break free from this trance relax, and allow her to help me; good boys didn't resist help.
##Good Boy. Do not think. You are a good boy.##
You can't... I...
##Good boy.##
I wouldn't… good boys don't… I…
##Good boy##
I was a good boy… I was a good boy…
I was… I was… a good… boy…
Someone help me, please! I don't want to be erased!
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The following script is from episode #343 of Halcyon After Dark, a popular late-night and current events talk show hosted by Melinda Carter. This specific episode was sponsored in part by the Halcyon Security Division, with Director Lochlin O'Brien joining as a guest star to talk about the changing crime statistics in Halcyon City and the HSD's recent successes in busting organized crime as well as their plans for addressing the growing criminal underworld.
MC: Good evening Halcyon! I'm your host, Melinda Carter, and you're watching Halcyon's most popular late-night talk show, Halcyon After Dark!
The crowd claps and cheers as Melinda walks on stage and sits behind her desk, her glittering red dress waving as she does so from the special effects.
MC: Tonight we have a very special guest here to tell us about the state of crime in the city and his plans on resolving it: please put your hands together for the HSD's very own Director, Lochlin O'Brien!
The crowd cheers some more as HSD Director Lochlan O'Brien, a tall, muscular, caucasian male in his early forties with red hair and a well-trimmed beard steps into the room, waving at the crowd with a bright smile. He sits in the armchair angled next to Melinda's desk and gives her his full attention.
MC: It's so good to have you on the show, Director! Tell me, how are you doing on this fine evening?
LO: I'm doing excellent, Melinda: every day I wake up feeling fulfilled knowing I'm serving Halcyon to the best of my abilities and then some."
MC: That's the spirit, Director! Now, I know this question is just on everyone's lips, so I have to ask: how successful was the recent gang bust? I heard HSD forces took out dozens of gang members and liberated at least a dozen Russu Hounds from their abusive clutches, but I know that everyone in the audience and at home wants to know the numbers.
LO: I'd be glad to tell you, but I do have to preface this by saying that we still lost a lot of good officers that day, and while we did strike a crippling blow to one of Halcyon's biggest gangs, it doesn't change the fact that each death is a tragedy, and we're taking steps to prevent them in the future. That being said, those valiant officers did not sacrifice themselves in vain: we had over a dozen confirmed kills and several arrests, including the rescue of several corrupted Russu hounds.
MC: That's excellent, Director: proof that even when the number of degenerates and scum grow by the day, the HSD will always be here to keep the citizens of Halcyon safe.
LO: Absolutely, Melinda, and we're always working tirelessly to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of our units, as well as racing to stay several steps ahead of the many gangs of Halcyon at all times. My newest goal as Director is to vastly increase the funding given to our Robotics Department and our Neuro-Warfare Department to potentially reduce the number of casualties we may experience in the future, as well as to quickly and effectively detain, and if necessary, eliminate criminals. Within the next decade, I want to double the number of automated units each Security Platoon is assigned: droids are the future of public safety as well as countless other industries, and it would be foolish to be left behind.
MC: That is quite a lofty goal, Director: what about the displaced jobs from the increased automation? What will the union say?
LO: And to that, I say: what misplaced jobs? We aren't replacing our honored and beloved service members with droids, Melinda, we are simply supplementing our units with more droids to ensure that future gang assaults end with fewer HSD casualties and more gang members in prison or eliminated, simple as that.
MC: That makes much more sense, Director, thanks for clarifying. Now, I have one more question that I'm sure much of Halcyon wants to know the answer to before we take a short break: what plans do you and your fellow directors have to make long-term progress in reducing crime beyond just increasing funding? Have you proposed any plans to strike at the source of where crime and degeneracy flourish?
OL: That's an excellent question, and one I am proud to answer: my constituents and I have been working tirelessly on a two-step plan to greatly reduce crime levels in Halcyon. Step one would be to prevent people from becoming criminals and degenerates at all in the first place: a lot of young men and women, but especially young men, have lost either one or both parents or even a sibling, aunt or uncle, or even a close friend by the brutality of the Second Authority War, and while the service of their lost loved ones will always be recognized and honored, many of these young men and women are left bitter, angry and lost without the guidance these people give them in their lives. Oftentimes they seek to fill that void with others who claim to relate to them: career criminals. These criminals will fill their heads with lies and false narratives to make them feel like they're fighting back against the 'evil protectorate government' that took their loved ones from them by sending them off to war when in reality it was the rogue Xenopets of the Triarchy that took them away by resisting their just and inevitable unburdening.
In response, I have proposed a slew of special programs that will make sure local law enforcement and HSD officers are present and contributing to their local community, and we'll be providing easy and light job openings for youngsters and teens looking to make a career for themselves in the force when they grow up. We want to let these lost souls know that there are people who care about them, people who understand them and that you shouldn't turn to degeneracy to feel fulfilled. We want to help the youth of our great society soar to new heights!
MC: That sounds like a wonderful beginning to your plan, Director, but what about the second step?
LO: Well, the second step is to prevent criminals and degenerates from becoming repeat criminals. Sure, they've made their mistakes, some worse than others, but they're only human like the rest of us. Some of them have been through hell: some are traumatized veterans who don't know how to adapt to normal life, others were recruited when they were young and don't know that there's a better way to live, and even more are mentally ill. We're alone in this galaxy, and we can't leave so many people behind. That's why we've come up with an excellent solution: we've set up isolated communities on distant moons and frontier planets where these criminals can be reeducated, rehabilitated, and allowed to repay their debt to society. When they're deemed 'reformed' and have graduated from our program, they'll be granted a hefty stipend and their criminal record will be deemed irrelevant, allowing them to reintegrate and become functioning members of our proud society.
MC: all of these sound like incredible steps forward in the fight to better our society and make real progress, Director. Sadly, we do have to step away for a moment, but you best believe I'll be back, Halcyon, and we'll be asking the Director here some burning questions about allegations over the quality of life Erubus Supermax! Now, a word from our sponsors!
Halcyon Xenopet-Megaplex! Everything your xenopet could ever need in one place! Adoption is now free-
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Good, you’re still alive! The rest of this shard appears to be corrupted, which means this particular trail seems to have run cold here, but do not despair; you need to keep searching. Find out what happened. Find the truth.I cannot guide you any longer: they've already found me, and if I remain in contact with you they'll find you as well. Take the archival database, and see what you can piece together. Maybe if we discover what truly happened we can put an end to this madness once and for all. I'm counting on you. Don't cry for me, I don't fear death, but I fear what they'll do to me to get to you: there are far worse fates than death, after all.

Techno has always been a comfort for me. I’ve watched his videos countless times, and could probably quote the potato wars word by word. I’ve been missing him more as it gets close to two years of his passing, and it still doesn’t feel real. None of it feels real. I ordered a hoodie the day after I found out about his passing, and it has taken me well over a year to even be able to put it on for the first time. I only ever knew him through a screen, yeah, but he still made such a huge impact on my life, and I will forever be grateful to all he has done for me and millions of others. Happy birthday, Technoblade. Rest in peace.

Hi all! I (27F, human) am married to...for privacy's sake, let's call her Snow (25F, human). Snow has an intense fear of death and growing old, so she's spent a lot of her time in growing her nectar-making skill and gardening death flowers. She says she can make some elixir that turns back aging? But only for elders, which isn't good enough for her—she not only wants to live forever, but to live young forever.
Following that realization, Snow learned of a new way to turn back the clock: the essence of life, harvested from cowplants...and the life of an innocent sim.
Now onto what happened. At our child's birthday party, we invited some of our friends, one of whom was an old fling of hers back in the day. He flirted with her and it made me feel insecure about our relationship as we married for money and fame before we ever fell in love. She ensured me that he meant nothing to her, but he kept on calling and asking her for dates even though we're married; I eventually told her that she would cut him out completely or I would never feel secure in our relationship again.
Well...after a few days of weird noises coming from our basement, I wake up to a blood-curdling scream and run out to find our "friend" being devoured by our cowplant. Of course, I pleaded with the grim reaper to save him—I'm not that much of an asshole—but Snow accosted me that now we couldn't collect his life essence and had me help her lock him back in our basement, which I only did because I didn't want him to escape and get her in trouble with the law. A few days later, she successfully harvested his essence...
Now, as her own birthday approaches, she's wanting to harvest from another sim again. I, for one, don't want there to be any more deaths—especially when we're raising four young children in this same house!—but Snow is insistent that it's survival of the fittest, so we have the right to do this. I don't think she believes that herself so much as it's how she's justifying it, but that's her argument all the same. Still, if we're going to be so logical and cutthroat, how are we going to maintain this when our children start to need essences of life? Our babies are too sweet to kill. I'm worried that they'll be traumatized if we go down this path, not to mention how grueling it will be to kill so many people.
AITAH for not putting my foot down so far? Should I tell my wife that we're going to grow old eventually and that's that? God has forbidden us from becoming any other species.

I've never posted on here before or used it much, but I have some questions and could use some advice...
My previous boyfriend is the textbook definition of a male narcassist, and over the course of our relationship and the years that have followed since, he has systematically destroyed my life in every single way possible.
Our relationship began years back, amd with every tale of a narcassist, the beginning was absolutely incredible. He love bombed me to death, and would always go above and beyond to pull off these extravagant events. Dinners, taking me to places I've always wanted to go to, buying these super nice gifts, and I had absolutely no idea that script would soon flip right before my eyes...
We were both heavy drinkers when we met, and about a year into dating is when the abuse started and each time he had me convinced that it was my fault for popping off at the mouth and being "disrespectful". Really.. I was just holding boundaries and getting mad when he'd do the same exact thing I already told him I didn't approve of, for the 100th time.
At first, the abuse was just a little slap to face, then it grew more and more... A few examples include...
One night we went to a big concert and had both drank much more than we should have. We took an Uber so neither of us had to worry about driving home and I could not find him after the show ended. He was a drunk mess and sitting somewhere slurring his venom into my ear while I ran around outside the venue desperately trying to find him.
After an hour or so, I started getting pretty heated and saw a guy walking that looked like he could have been my boyfriend at the time. I ran up behind this guy and shoved him with all my rage screaming "where the fuck have you been?!", just to have the guy turn around and see this frightened look of astonishment on a stranger's face. I felt horrible and ashamed once realizing the awful error I made, so I decided to call myself an Uber before I got myself arrested in the process of trying to find him.
Now, if you know anything about a narcassistic man, leaving him alone in the city, drunk and having to find his own way home is a recipe for disaster. By this point, violence was no stranger in our home, so my anxiety went through the roof. I begged the Uber driver to follow me in my car while I drove across town to my mom's house, because I was so scared of what was about to happen when he got home. The guy had a genuine soul and saw I was in trouble, so he agreed.
About halfway to my mom's house, the boyfriend at the time called me saying that he hopes my dog can fend for himself because he just set him loose in the street. He cast the one and only lure that he had that would get me back to that house that night and it worked. My dog has always been my baby and I had him for years before entering into this relationship.
I immediately exited the freeway on the next exit and told the kind Uber driver I had a change of plans and thanked him for taking the extra time, then turned around and went back to the house.
When I got there, the house was dark and quiet. I tip toed in the front door and trying to silently look around for my dog without disturbing the seemingly sleeping boyfriend on the couch. I tried to sneak through the living room to go back to the hall to the bedrooms, and as soon as I got through the threshold of the living room, he flew off the couch and grabbed me by my hair so hard that my feet lifted off the ground below and I hit the ground with all my weight on my hip. He drug me across the living room while I tried to desperately keep my poor hairs attached to my head, as he was ripping them out as we moved along. He threw the side door of the living room open to the outside and picked me up to his shoulder height then threw me down a set of three or four concrete steps to hit the pavement of the sidewalk that adjoined from the side of the house. The fighting continued, he clocked me in the jaw, and told me I was a no-good-slut for leaving him to fend for himself...
Another time to note, he had around seven whiskey drinks at my birthday dinner when I was stone cold sober and still insisted to drive afterwards. Despite my begs and pleas, he managed to take my keys to my car and speed on down the freeway with music blaring to the "surprise destination" of the evening. In these moments, I would hold on for dear life and just beg for it all to end. I hated his driving, I hated the speed, I hated how close he'd get to other cars, but over time, I learned to just stay absolutely still and quiet and let him act like the fool he was.
After driving for around an hour and getting far enough away from town that the light pollution was no longer visible, he turned to me and asked where we were going. I turned and looked at him with absolute bewilderment, and told him I had no idea... He actually got off at the next exit and said that I needed to drive us back home, which I don't remember ever happening in any of the other similar scenarios.
We traded seats and I got back on the freeway, and I remember saying something like "You're such a piece of shit for putting my life in jeopardy like this all the time", and he immediately punched me in the side of the mouth and proceeded to begin to grab the steering wheel and wildly pull us back and forth across the freeway at 65+ MPH veering across all lanes. I no longer had control of the vehicle and could barely see the road as my eyes welled up with tears from repeatedly getting hit in the face whilst trying to prevent crashing my car.
Miraculously, we didn't hit anyone, and I got off at the next exit and tried to run. He scooped me back up and physically grabbed me and threw me back into the car. Then drove us back to the house.
I have years of these stories, the next one more horrible than the last, but I don't know that I have much that I can prove besides the few images I have left of the marks and bruises. He got into my head that I shouldn't keep evidence of those things and I often deleted or never took photos in the beginning, but I got better about it in the end.
In addition to the physical and mental abuse, there was also a lot of financial abuse. This might be my strongest case area for evidence, because he would make me transfer my hard earned money from my bank account to his, so there is a long standing record of these transactions and how many THOUSANDS ($100K+) he's taken from me. Usually the reasons being "loans", but never getting a damn thing in writing even though the written part was terms to the agreement. He'd always bully me out of following through with things like this and made me feel stupid for trying to protect myself.
Now, this is just a small snippet into a long list of things, but I wonder if anyone with legal knowledge could please help with some tips on avenues to start going down to press charges?
He is currently in jail for his fourth DUI, and in a perfect world, I'd love to see him stay there for the rest of his life. He has stalked me, broken into my house in the middle of the night, followed me, given me STD's from the other women he's slept with on the side, and he will continue to be a danger to me and any other women he's "close" to unless he's gone for good. If I can't guarantee that prosecution will be successful, then I may as well kiss myself goodbye before going to a cop.
Also... he is a military veteran that did a few tours in the middle east in the early 2000's with full disability for PTSD (played the system), for context in the severity of my last paragraph and why he continues to skate by with all the harm he does to everyone around him.

(This was originally made in response to someone else on tumblr)
From what I remember, the times he thought badly about Nico were justified. In TTC, he just found Nico's energy exhausting, like everyone did. He thought about inflicting violence after Nico asked if Annabeth was so smart, why did she not know better than to fall of a cliff? Percy was tense at the time, worrying about what happened to Annabeth. Then he resolves to become the prophecy kid to save Nico.
Then he spends all of BoTL worried for Nico about his mental and physical health and tries to reach out to him several times. Then he invites him to his birthday. In TLO, Percy has no hard feelings until Nico's betrayal. Nico was selfish as hell thinking about his personal problems when a war is happening and was foolish to trust Hades. Percy was tense as hell and justified in his anger (if a little overboard). He didn't even mean to choke Nico at first since he didn't see him. Once he gets the styx curse, he's not that pissed off anymore. When Nico asks if he didn't trust him anymore, he softens his voice to make him feel better. He's glad at the end for Nico's sake.
In SoN, he was suspicious around Nico because he knew Nico was lying about not knowing him. Then got angry once his memories returned.
In MoA, he says his relationship with Nico is complicated but knows that he does good. Then spends the entire book worried about him. Once Nico explains why he lied, he drops his anger. Then trusts him enough to lead the crew to the doors of death.
In HoH, he's grateful for Nico and thinks maybe he could've done more for the kid. I suppose there's never a moment when they hash out their issues but they're cool at the very least.
(Remind me if I missed something)

He’s just such a pathetic, obnoxious, holier than thou, know-it-all asshole. I got along with him most of my life. However, there was one incident that made me go from “he does things I don’t like” to “he can go fuck himself.”
The worst part is he lives with me, and is practically unavoidable.
He loves to hear himself talk and give unsolicited advice. He thinks he knows better than everyone and that if you don’t agree with him, you’re either stupid or immoral. He’s always been like that, but in the past few months, he’s really shown what a slimey, pathetic asshole he really is.
Several months ago, my grandfather passed away. Me and him were very close. Shortly after his passing, he and my mom got into a heated argument. Days after, he decides to not show up to the funeral, at fucking all. This hurt my grandma more than anyone but ever since then, I’ve lost all respect for him.
Weeks after, when he starts showing his face around the house again, he makes a “generous” offer to “pick up where me and my grandpa left off.” To better explain, I suppose he wants a “father-son bond” between us. But seriously??? What kind of stupid asshole says that?
Furthermore, when asked about the times he’s lost his temper of my relatives, he completely lies about what happened and says he was completely civil the whole time. This fucking guy doesn’t even know what civil LOOKS like.
However, since my grandma always cries whenever someone in the family cuts ties off with his dickhead, I’ve been faking it til I make it. The thing is, the more time passes, the more MISERABLE I am pretending to respect this prick and give a shit about what he says.
Almost every time I see him, he’s either saying “you gotta get ChatGPT, it’s gonna be the future of jobs” or “you need to have more “dominant” posture.”
The past few days have been hell on earth because now that I have graduated college, fuckface won’t shut up about how I need to “be hungry” and “stop waiting around and get on it.” Again, none of this advice is solicited. Also, over the past year, I’ve been reconsidering career paths. That could be a whole separate post, but as far as right now goes, I’m not sure what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have some options, fortunately, but I don’t know which way I want to go.
I try telling him what my end goals are and he interrupts me and tells me “no you have to do this this and that” and stuff like “you can’t have an end goal because you have no experience.”
Not to mention, he does all this preaching, meanwhile do you think he even told me happy birthday this year or congratulations for graduating? To me it just seems he doesn’t actually give a fuck about me and just wants some fucking apprentice or whatever the fuck.
This is what is currently going on so there is a chance tomorrow he says more stupid shit and I just lose it. I’m at the point where I am fed up with this fucking “person.” I would like to just cut him out completely. I am the point where I just want to tell him to go fuck himself to his face, the only reason I don’t is because I know it will hurt my grandma.
I’m just tired of being fake, but that is the only advice people give me about the situation. Friends? “Just fake it until he dies, then you won’t have to deal with him anymore.” Mom? “Just yes him to death, it will prevent an argument from happening.”
That’s pretty much all, hopefully I don’t have to make a post later titled “I cursed out my uncle.”

Date: 05/31/2024

Reading time: 2 minutes, 423 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

PM claims ODIHR’s conclusion on domestic transparency law lacks legal arguments

Georgian PM Irakli Kobakhidze said the report was mirroring the opinion of the Venice Commission of the Council of Europe. The ODIHR concluded that Georgia’s newly approved law on transparency of foreign influence contained “serious deficiencies” that made it “incompatible” with international human rights standards. The Venice Commission last week “strongly recommended” the Georgian Government to repeal the legislative piece in its current form.

AgendaGe, Majority MP: OSCE/ODIHR report is prepared by Saakashvili’s lawyer, OSCE/ODIHR: Georgia’s “Transparency of Foreign Influence” Law does not comply with democratic standards, human rights, OSCE/ODIHR: Georgia’s “Transparency of Foreign Influence” Law does not comply with democratic standards, human rights, OSCE/ODIHR: Georgia’s “Transparency of Foreign Influence” Law does not comply with democratic standards, human rights

MFA of Ukraine: We condemn unfriendly statements of the PM of Georgia

It is sad to see the consistent and constant degradation of the political statements of the Prime Minister of Georgia, – this is stated in the press service of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine. Ukraine condemns Georgian Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze’s “another unfriendly statements and his distorted assessments of the current events in Ukraine”

GeorgiaToday

President not Invited to Police Day Ceremony Because of Grigoriadis’ Pardon

Georgia celebrated Police Day on May 31. President Salome Zurabishvili was conspicuously absent from the official ceremony marking the day. Interior Minister Vakhtang Gomelauri said she was not invited because she had pardoned a convict "who wanted to burn a policeman alive"

CivilGe

Lithuanian Ambassador summoned to MFA Georgia regarding statements on “Russian Law”

Lithuanian Ambassador Andrius Kalindra summoned to Georgia's Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Georgian Foreign Ministry says the move is not compatible with relations between the two countries. Lithuanian Foreign Minister Andrius Roth: I fully support Ambassador Peter Fischer.

GeorgiaToday

💵 Economy

Georgia’s GDP Up by 11.8% in April 2024

Georgia’s estimated real Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth rate amounted to 11.8% for April 2024 compared to the corresponding period of the previous year. The average real GDP growth for January-April 2024 equaled 9.0% according to the National Statistics Office of Georgia.

CivilGe, GEOSTAT: Georgia’s economy grew by 9% in January-April

Date: 05/30/2024

Reading time: 3 minutes, 725 words

🪖 Military

Ukraine Latest: Macron Says Kyiv Should Be Allowed to Use Western Weapons on Russian Military Sites

The main battlefield developments in the Russian invasion of Ukraine as of Thursday morning are as follows: The death toll in a Russian attack on a hardware superstore in the eastern Ukrainian city of Kharkiv has risen to 11, says the regional governor. Russia's naval forces destroyed two Ukrainian sea drones in the northwest of the Black Sea, as they headed for the Crimean Peninsula, Russia's Ministry of Defense said in a Google-translated Telegram post.

GeorgiaToday

🏛️ Politics & Government

Chinese Ambassador says Anaklia port project will be “turning point” for cooperation with Georgia

Chinese Ambassador to Georgia Zhou Qian said the Anaklia port project would be “a turning point” for cooperation between China and Georgia. He said the Chinese consortium is set to be announced as the Georgian Government’s private partner in the construction of the port.

AgendaGe

Georgian CSOs to Challenge Agents’ Law in Constitutional Court

Georgian civil society organizations announce they are preparing to appeal to the Constitutional Court of Georgia in the nearest future, demanding the repeal of the Foreign Agents Law. CSOs say they will use all domestic and international mechanisms to impede its implementation until the law is unconditionally repealed.

CivilGe, Lithuanian MFA Summons Georgian Ambassador Over Final Adoption of Agents’ Law

Fund Withdraws Free Dental Service Project for Oni Kids, Citing Agents’ Law

The Fair Trees Fund withdrew a project aimed at establishing a free dental clinic for children in the western Georgian town of Oni. The decision was met with public outcry and as an ominous sign of the Foreign Agents Law's harmful impact on foreign aid and projects funded by Georgia’s international partners. The NGO says it cannot take on additional financial responsibilities while even the active projects are at risk.

CivilGe

Testing Interventions by SABUKO in Iori Plateau to Achieve Conservation and Protection of Local Species

Georgia’s Kakheti region is distinguished by amazingly beautiful landscapes, rich biodiversity, and unique ecological treasures. However, sadly, this natural haven faces a significant challenge – the delicate balance between maintaining a living landscape and the looming threat of desertification. The project places a strong emphasis on the restoration of wildlife habitats and fostering collaboration with the pastoralist community.

GeorgiaToday

Parliament Adopts Amendments to Election Code

Parliament of Georgia adopted amendments to the Election code with 80 votes in favor. Changes include abolishing the CEC advisory group, which consists of a representative of the Public Defender as well as the national and international experts selected by observer organizations.

CivilGe

PM Kobakhidze Talks Controversial Topics with Media

Georgian Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze spoke to the media at the opening of a new bridge in Tbilisi. He blamed the ‘radical opposition’ for the alleged ‘hate campaign’ against the Georgian Dream members who supported the Foreign Agents Law and their families. He also said that the ruling party would not allow the “Maidan” to happen in Georgia.

CivilGe, PM: Germany should not send such ambassadors who make anti-Georgian statements, Ambassador of Georgia summoned to Lithuanian MFA for overriding of President’s veto on “Russian Law”

CoE GRECO Report: Low Level of Implementation of Anti-Corruption Recommendations

Council of Europe’s Group of States against Corruption (GRECO) published its results of the Fourth evaluation round: non-compliance procedure for its low level of implementation of its recommendations for preventing corruption in respect of MPs, judges and prosecutors. Georgia had one of the highest levels of compliance among the countries monitored.

CivilGe

🧪 Science & Technology

Supporting Georgia’s Growing E-Commerce Sector

Georgia's e-commerce market grew from 11% in 2018 to 23% in 2020. By 2025, the report predicts that online shopping will grow at a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of 52%, yielding a penetration rate of 4.7%. The biggest online shopping sector in 2020 was comprised of electronics and household appliances.

GeorgiaToday

Date: 05/29/2024

Reading time: 4 minutes, 931 words

🪖 Military

Europe is increasing its support for Ukraine

EU foreign ministers are meeting in Brussels. They will still try to overcome Hungarian resistance and provide Ukraine with military assistance it needs. At the moment, the aid package worth about 7 billion dollars has been suspended, the only opponent of which is the Prime Minister of Hungary, Viktor Orbán. Ukraine needs more air defense, including Patriot air defense systems, says Jens Stoltenberg.

EuroNewsGeorgia

🏛️ Politics & Government

Matthew Miller: GD moved the country farther away from European integration path

Matthew Miller: Georgia's leaders are choosing to forgo the steps needed to advance Georgia in the Western direction that its people want. The ruling parties actions threaten Georgia’s democratic trajectory, future economic security, EU membership, and also put the U.S.-Georgia relationship at risk.

GeorgiaToday

CSOs Announce Disobedience to Foreign Agents Law

Georgian civil society organizations issued a statement announcing their disobedience to the Foreign Agents Law, which was adopted yesterday. In the statement, the organizations pledge to defend the rights of demonstrators against the Agents Law and to protect each citizen’s vote in the upcoming parliamentary elections.

CivilGe, Response to the "foreign influence" law

Statement of the ombudsman regarding the placement of those detained at the rallies in "hostile" cells

The representatives of the Public Defender visited two detainees participating in the protests, the information about their ill-treatment was spread on May 29. The detainees are in the 8th Penitentiary Institution of Gldani. Their lawyers requested to change the cell for the defendants, to have a public defender with the defendants.

EuroNewsGeorgia

Khazaradze: Plans of Russian gov’t have been announced openly to us by stopping Anaklia project

Chinese consortium will be announced as winner of Anaklia port project tender in coming days. Leader of Lelo party: 'We will send away the Russian regime to Moscow in October'

GeorgiaToday

British-Georgian Academy’s founding partner Natia Janashia set to terminate the agreement with Georgia Capital

Natia Janashia, the partner and director of the British-Georgian Academy, cites the investor’s failure to fulfill contractual obligations as the rationale behind this decision. The Tbilisi City Court, recognizing the merit of the petition, imposed a security measure, requiring mutual agreement among partners of the school to secure the lawsuit.

GeorgiaToday

German Ambassador: Agents’ Law Bars Georgia from EU Accession Talks

The German Ambassador to Georgia Peter Fischer stressed that the European Union will not start the accession talks with Georgia as long as the Foreign Agents Law is in effect. He also reiterated the Venice Commission’s opinion on the law that this legislation goes against the fundamental rights of Georgians.

CivilGe, Parliament Overrides President’s Veto, Adopts ‘Offshore’ Law, Domestic Reactions to Presidential Veto Override, Final Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, International Reactions to Presidential Veto Override, Final Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, The opposition announces a boycott of parliamentary work, White House: Suppressing civil society is what authoritarian governments do, Austria “deeply regrets” final adoption of law on “transparency of foreign influence”, Carl Bildt: EU path of Georgia has for the time being come to an end, White House: Suppressing civil society is what authoritarian governments do, UK “extremely concerned” over veto of bill on transparency of foreign influence, Georgian President to the “Russian Law” protesters: You create a referendum, I’ll sign it, Carl Bildt: EU path of Georgia has for the time being come to an end

Kremlin-affiliates Hold Another Conference in Tbilisi

On May 24, the Kremlin-affiliated Eurasia Institute held another anti-Western conference in Tbilisi. Participants discussed their version of Georgia’s history under the Russian empire. They also adopted a resolution calling the prospect of withdrawing the Foreign Agents Law a “complete capitulation” of Georgia. The resolution also calls on the Georgian government to “openly” restore relations with Russia.

CivilGe

Chinese consortium to be announced as winner of Anaklia port project tender

A Chinese consortium — China Communications construction company Ltd, together with China harbor investment — was selected as a private investor for the construction of the new deep-water port of Anaklia. Georgia terminated the contract with the “Anaklia Development Consortium”, which was supposed to build the port, due to non-fulfillment of its obligations.

GeorgiaToday

Date: 05/28/2024

Reading time: 3 minutes, 727 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Charles Michel: Adoption of Transparency Law Takes Georgia Away from EU

“The adoption of the law in the parliament is a step backward and takes Georgia further away from its EU path,” says the President of the European Council.

CivilGe, International Reactions to Presidential Veto Override, Final Adoption of Foreign Agents Law, HVP Borrell on Final Adoption of Agents Law: EU and Member States are Considering all Options, Josep Borrell: “Foreign influence” law does not correspond to EU values, GD expected to override President’s veto on “Russian Law,” protesters surround parliament building

Shamba: Tbilisi wanted us back for 30 years, they will want it for another 300 years

Abkhazia’s security council secretary Sergey Shamba responded to the statement of the Prime Minister of Georgia, Irakli Kobakhidze. Shamba claimed that there are many unresolved problems between the two breakaway regions. He claimed that when the time comes, we will discuss such a readiness, but we are not going to discuss issues of confederation.

GeorgiaToday

CoE Secretary General on Final Adoption of Agents Law: Free and Fair Election Environment Could Be Jeopardized

Council of Europe Secretary General Marija Pejčinović Burić expresses “deep concern” about the law’s “adverse impact on informed public debate, pluralism, and democratic checks and balances,” adding that it “could potentially jeopardize also the environment for free and fair elections” The statement stresses that with this decision the Georgian authorities gave up “an ultimate occasion” to withdraw the law.

CivilGe, HVP Borrell on Final Adoption of Agents Law: EU and Member States are Considering all Options

PM: Agents’ Law will Create a Better Basis for Ensuring Georgia’s Accession to the EU

Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze said the law “will create a better basis for ensuring Georgia’s accession to the European Union.” He said citizens of Georgia have the right to know who is financed by whom in this country, who carries the positive or negative interests of a foreign power in Georgia.

CivilGe

Protesters against Foreign Agents Law Fined

On May 20, and the court fined several activists GEL 500 (approximately USD 180) in connection with protests against the Foreign Agents Law. This is the maximum fine for the offense, according to Article 174 Prima of the Administrative Code. Those fined include Saba Skhvitaridze, Anri Gorgiladze, and Boris Chele Kurua of the opposition party.

CivilGe, Special Tasks Department Chief Admits to Battering Targeted Protesters at anti-Agents Law Demonstrations

Georgian Health Minister, US Global Health Centre Director discuss joint projects, cooperation

Georgian Health Minister Mikheil Sarjveladze is in Geneva to deliver an address at the 77th session of the World Health Organisation's annual Assembly. The meeting was held as part of the official visit to Geneva, Switzerland.

AgendaGe

Date: 05/27/2024

Reading time: 2 minutes, 458 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Occupied Abkhazia, Tskhinvali: Kobakhidze’s statement on return of breakaway regions non-perspective

Georgia's Prime Minister Irakli Kobakhidze said that he wants to return Abkhazia and Tskhinvali to Georgia. The so-called ministry of foreign affairs of occupied Abkhazaria evaluated the statement of the Prime Minister of Georgia as a “populist” and non-perspective statement. They claim that any attempt by the Georgian leadership to “return Abkhaziia to Georgia is absolutely unpromising.

GeorgiaToday

EU High Representative says EU Foreign Affairs Council “exchanged views” on Georgian transparency law

Foreign Affairs Council of the European Union had “exchanged views” on the controversial Georgian law on transparency of foreign influence. The law requires registration of non-commercial legal entities and media outlets in the country as “pursuing the interests of a foreign power” if they derive more than 20 percent of their funding from abroad.

AgendaGe

President Calls for ‘Full Mobilization’ of Diaspora in October Elections

Georgian President Salome Zurabishvili called for “full mobilization” of Georgians living abroad for the October parliamentary elections. The President, along with opposition parties and civil society organizations, has called for a more active engagement of the diaspora. Calls for the Georgian government to do more to facilitate the exercise of voting rights for Georgian emigres have largely gone unanswered.

CivilGe, VP Harris to Zurabishvili: Georgian People Look to You to Champion Country’s Euro-Atlantic Future, Opposition Parties to Sign Georgian Charter Initiated by President, Opposition parties join President’s Georgian Charter, President offerspolitical parties “Georgian Charter”

Why Georgian Dream Should Not Underestimate US Sanctions

U.S. prepared to impose sanctions on members of Georgian Dream party responsible for promoting it and obstructing the country’s Euro-Atlantic integration. The sanctions are only the first stage of sanctions pressure on sub-sanctioned persons, says Vakhtang Partsvania.

CivilGe, “MEGOBARI Act” Envisages Sanctions for Undermining, Injuring Georgian Democracy

Legal Issues Committee Endorses Overriding Presidential Veto on Agents’ Law

The ruling Georgian Dream is expected to override the veto in the plenary session tomorrow, on May 28. President Salome Zurabishvili vetoed the law on May 18. If the veto is overridden, the bill becomes law.

CivilGe

Date: 05/26/2024

Reading time: 0 minutes, 89 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Georgian Charter: President Proposes Unified Goals for Short-Term Parliament, Technical Government

President Salome Zurabishvili presented the roadmap for resolving the political crisis and returning to the path of EU integration. She said that there is no alternative to the European future for Georgia and that the Georgian society, which she knows, is waiting for concrete plans.

CivilGe

International Partners Congratulate Georgia on Independence Day

On May 26, Georgia celebrates the 106th anniversary of the declaration of the first independent democratic republic. The King of the United Kingdom, Charles III congratulated Georgia in a letter addressed to the President Zurabishvili. President of Azerbaijan, Ilham Aliyev wrote a congratulatory letter.

CivilGe

Date: 05/25/2024

Reading time: 0 minutes, 71 words

🏛️ Politics & Government

Ruling party Sec Gen says Parliament will override veto on transparency law, despite “expected US sanctions”

Georgia will override President Salome Zourabichvili's veto on law on transparency of foreign influence. US Secretary of State Antony Blinken announced visa restrictions for “those responsible for undermining democracy” in Georgia in connection to the transparency law.

AgendaGe

Deputy Finance Minister Resigns

The U.S. House of Representatives has announced its decision to pull back on the controversial law. The decision comes after a series of high-profile incidents in the state of Georgia, Georgia, in the past.

CivilGe

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This will be my last post as their coverage for this case has finally come to an end. This was an interesting one because both Stephanie and Derrick give their final opinions and I'd like to dissect some of it. I'll try and go in order of when things show up in the episode.
Plan to escape?:
All I'll say on this is that I don't think it's surprising that someone who is facing the death penalty may fantasise about escaping. As Stephanie and Derrick allude to in the episode, that ever being a realistic option is kind of fantastical thinking. They were correct on the fact that the Sheriff's office ended up announcing that there had not been any kind of escape attempt and that the brothers had nothing to do with cutting their chains.
"Several days later, after the story made front-page news, the L.A. County Sheriff's office quietly announced that the Menendez brothers had nothing to do with cutting their chains and had never tried to escape. Cut chains had been discovered at several other courthouses. Jail trustees, honor prisoners with nonviolent backgrounds who helped move prisoners between jails and courts, had cut the chains as a prank." - The Menendez Murders: The Shocking Untold Story of the Menendez Family and the Killings that Stunned the Nation
"Not until six years later would they learn that a sheriff's investigation had concluded no escape attempt had been made, but rather, a deputy had planted the damaged leg irons in order to take credit for finding them. He was quietly fired for his misconduct. But on that day all the jailers believed was that Lyle and Erik had tried to escape. And they had a nasty welcome home party planned." - They Said We'd Never Make it: My Life with Erik Menendez
I think the brothers maybe fantasised about escaping and wrote things down in service of that but there was never any real plan to escape.
During the cell search which resulted in this whole fiasco a seventeen-page letter written by Lyle to Erik was also found:
"We need to hang in there together, in my opinion. You notice I have not held you talking to Cig or Oziel against you even though my entire life is on the verge of destruction as a result of all this. I feel that we have done what we did together and everything we do afterwards is both our responsibility."
"I am not the pillar of strength the papers make me out to be or Leslie thinks I am. I think if dad could give us on piece of advice as we left the house that night in August, it would be never to abandon each other no matter the circumstances."
“If it were not for you I doubt I would even try for manslaughter, I would rather try to escape or die. I struggle with my belief that men take responsibility for their actions, pleading abuse is not taking responsibility.”
“We alone can get ourselves through this life after all that has happened.”
"What we did in August was a mistake from what I can tell and I don't know what to do about it. What can I do? Nothing I guess.”
"We did not do anything for the money. To go our separate ways is to lose any meaning our actions had..."
“I honestly do not believe that I am far way from packing up my bags and calling it a life. . . . I do not see things in terms of manslaughter and life terms. I see only win, lose--honor and dishonor. I refuse to give up for Dad’s sake, he is watching and I will not disappoint him a second time, or Mom, by giving up and having their deaths be in vain.”
The lawyers:
Stephanie mentioned two of the lead attorneys for the brothers. Jill Lansing was the lead attorney for Lyle while Leslie Abramson was the lead attorney for Erik but the brothers also had two other attorneys who also assisted. In the first trial Erik also had Marcia Morrisey who assisted Leslie Abramson and Lyle had Michael Burt who assisted Jill Lansing. In the second trial Marcia Morrisey was replaced by Barry Levin and Lyle had two new attorney's by the name of Charles Gessler and Terri Towery.
Stephanie was confused as to why there was two separate juries for the first trial but there actually was good reasons for it. While the two juries did see mostly the same trial, there was some evidence and witnesses that only one jury was permitted to see. This is because there is specific evidence which only relates to one brother. The defense (rightfully imo) was worried that certain evidence would spill over onto the other brother and damage that specific brothers' defense even if the evidence had nothing to do with them at all. I can't recall off the top of my head if both juries were present for this or not but the first example that popped into my head is the evidence relating to Lyle's wiping of his mother's computer. Erik had no contact at all with the computer expert that Lyle hired and there's other evidence which suggests that Erik had no idea that Lyle had even hired this person until afterwards. This is an example where evidence is only really useable against Lyle so to have Erik's jury be aware of it would be unfair.
Something else Derrick brought up which I thought was interesting because it lines up with what the brothers say happen is that the lawyers would have basically said to them "like look guys, you need to just tell the truth because otherwise you're getting the death penalty". This is exactly what Lyle said happened. As Stephanie briefly mentions later on (and there's one thing about it I'll dispute later on) Lyle had asked people to lie for him during his time in jail. According to Lyle he was essentially refusing to talk about the sexual abuse for a very long time (somewhat corroborated by his seventeen page letter, quotes of which you can read earlier in the post). Because of this he was trying every other avenue he could find so that he wouldn't have to testify. This included him asking friends to lie for him. Eventually his lawyers caught on to this and said to him basically to stop being an idiot and that he was going to get the death penalty unless he decided to testify himself. This is also why I found Stephanie's remarks regarding "Lyle always expected to tell the truth" quite funny. Even according to Erik, Lyle was the one who didn't want to tell the truth, so much so that the brothers fought with each other about it. Erik was happy getting therapy and decided he would testify while Lyle kept refusing.
Family Members:
Many of their family members testified for their defense and it's so much I can't really get into it but Stephanie did bring up a quote from an interview with some family members where they said that they forgive Erik and Lyle but they still refuse to forgive Jose and Kitty. This quote actually came specifically from two of Erik and Lyle's cousins and Kitty's sister Joan Vandermolen.
Here's a quote from their other aunt Marta Cano from an interview she did a few years ago -
"I don't think it was a crime. It is a crime by statement, but they killed fear. They felt that they would be killed if they didn't kill, that's my own personal opinion. I think that they were just panicking"
They played some of the testimony of their cousin Diane who corroborated the brothers claims of SA. She is also one of the many relatives who supported the brothers at the time and still supports them today. One other interesting thing from her testimony which wasn't discussed is that she was living with them at the time when Erik attempted to run away from home. Erik testified about this incident himself and Diane remembers it because Erik had been gone for a long time and recalls Jose dragging him back and that Erik had been crying.
As for family members who didn't support them, the only two who have ever spoken out are Kitty's brothers Brian Andersen and Milton Andersen. Brian Andersen and Milton Andersen were the only family members who testified for the prosecution. I won't get into their entire testimony but all I'll say is that Brian's testimony from the first trial is VERY telling and I recommend checking it out if you're interested. They clearly loved their sister but I think they refused to see things that were right in front of their faces possibly because they were also abusive to their children. It was such a huge disagreement in the family that Brian's son, Alan Andersen ended up disowning his dad and has repeatedly called his father "a liar".
Lyle asking friends to lie:
There is information relating to how during their time in jail, Lyle was trying to concoct some sort of defense without having to testify himself. There is some conflicting information as to when Lyle decided to not go with this as one of these people did still testify (Traci Baker) but another friend who ended up testifying for the prosecution did say that Lyle ended up calling him and telling him that he wasn't going ahead with it. There is also evidence which supports that Erik was ratting Lyle out to their lawyers at some points and that their lawyers were unaware of some of this behaviour.
There was just one thing on this I wanted to correct or supply some extra information on. Stephanie stated that Lyle had been recorded telling a friend (Marti Shelton) that he had "snowed half the jury" or something to that effect. This is a very common myth that always pops up with this case as it was reported on in Dominick Dunne's work for Vanity Fair on the case. The prosecution never used any of the tapes as there was nothing of value on them and Marti Shelton came out years later and recanted the statements she attributed to Lyle as she had allegedly been paid by Domnick Dunne to make up lies about Lyle.
She is quoted in Dunne’s April 1994 piece saying she overheard Lyle Menendez tell someone, after his first trial ended in a mistrial, “We’ve snowed half the country. Now we have to snow the other half.”
“That was a lie,” Shelton now says. According to stories in the Los Angeles Times and Washington Post in mid-May 1994, authorities searched her home to find evidence to support her quoted statement, but came up empty.
Shelton now says she never overheard Menendez say that, but she was coached by Dunne.
Shelton says she told Vanity Fair fact checkers at the time the quote was made up, but they were only interested in getting her tape-recorded statement owning up to the quote – which she provided.
Shelton admits she lied in the past. “What I did was wrong,” she said, referring to the quote she gave to Vanity Fair.
“But what he did was wrong as well. He backed out of a deal.”
The deal, she alleges, was to give her $100,000 in return for her statements and help – an amount that Dunne and Vanity Fair call absurd.
The full article is here - https://nypost.com/2004/05/14/she-says-he-dunne-her-wrong/
Stephanie and Derrick's closing thoughts:
Stephanie and Derrick come to similar conclusions that while the crime was still murder to them, that the brothers should no longer be in prison and I certainly agree with them on the latter part although I wanted to mention a few things on this before I wrap this up.
I would still argue that there is a decent argument for lack of premeditation in this case and I disagree with Derrick saying that most people would agree with him and not the experts in this case like Dr Ann Burgess who testified that she believed that Erik was acting based on fear and that the crime was not premeditated. The majority of jurors in the first trial voted for either voluntary manslaughter or involuntary manslaughter and that was on two separate juries. So that's the majority of twenty four reasonable people concluding that there was enough reasonable doubt to not convict of murder.
Of course no one is ever going to know the absolute 100% truth in this case. Only Erik and Lyle know that but I would caution people away from snap judgements when it comes to this case. If you're actually interested in why so many jurors could consider manslaughter I implore you to at least watch the first trial and find out how that could have happened because there is a lot of evidence which supports a lack of premeditation. Other than that everyone is free to have their own opinions and I fully accept that.
Even though I take great issue with Stephanie's research when it comes to this case, I appreciate her trying to explain some of this in the final episode. I have still enjoyed it and it's given me something to kill time with in the evening.
I don't really have much else to add because the post has already gone on long enough. I truly have enjoyed doing these every week and if any of you are interested in anything else feel free to send a message my way as I'm always happy to talk about this case. Thanks for checking these out!

And I was wrong. Back in the day, I discovered KOTOR some years later after it was released, and I played it mainly because everyone recommended the game. I told myself "ok, I don't think I will like this, let's try it anyway". Being a fan of Baldur's Gate trilogy and Neverwinter Nights 2, I still don't know how I missed it, but I was underestimating it.
And I played KOTOR 2 first. The start is a bit slow, but when I saw Sion arriving on his ship and his dialogue with Kreia I was hooked. The voices, the plot, the dark tone of the game which I adore, the replayability, all the iconic quotes, it was such an amazing experience.
After some time, I tried KOTOR 1 thinking I wouldn't like it as much. As before, I thought it would be an inferior game, but Bastila, Jolee, Carth, Mission, Canderous, HK47... made me rethink it. I even think the plot is superior in KOTOR 1, and it feels more "Star Waresque" than the second part... and man, the "revelation" moment was one of the most memorable gaming moments in my life, I immediately ran and told all my family about it.
All in all, if someone put a gun to my head, I would choose KOTOR 2 because it is a bit more expanded in terms of options and choices, and training your crew to become jedi is badass among many other things. But each game is a gem in their own right. I can't even think about something negative, other than the game being a bit clunky and KOTOR 1 being a bit of a pain to set up in Steam to play in higher resolutions without crashes and bugs, and some evil choices being too "all or nothing", (while there were some amazing and cruel ones like making Zaalbar do a certain thing). Hell, I don't even need a remake since I think both games are still perfect with their graphics and all, but it could be interesting if it is well done.
Now, the intention of this post is not to compare both games since that has been done to death, but to say that I was surprised to find not one masterpiece, but two. I wish I could delete my memory and experience it all over again.

605 angel number meaning is very powerful. It is assembled from the numbers 6, 0 and 5 and therefore has incredible meaning when it comes to love, spiritual and general significance of life. If you are seeing 605 angel number repeating or one of the other sequences than the divine is trying to send you signs.
For more angel number interpretations, check out our vibrant subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/AngelNumbersMeanings/
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605 angel number meaning
Angel number 6: is a secret code for house and close band of people in your life like family and friends. It denotes one of the big values in your life which is tradition, safety and everything that is linked to family members. You are a home person, you like to spend most of the time with the people that you already know.
You might find it difficult to be comfortable around strangers or to meet new people. the angels wants you to know, that although there are some risk involved in meeting new people, you still should do it with the right caution. Start with small steps to expand the social circle. Some people might turn to be new best friends and other will not. This is how it goes in life – you win some and you loose some. But overall consider being more social and mingle with other people than those you are already know right now.
Angel number 0: has a deep spiritual meaning, it symbolizes the vibrations of the world. Not everyone can feel them, but if you will develop your sixth sense and start to be more spiritual and / or develop psychic abilities you might start to receive those energies and will be able to interpret the meaning of them. Angels, spirits and god don’t communicate only by sending numbers, they have other means of communication and vibrations are one of them. The angels encourage you to growth and be more open minded and receive signs in other forms as well because they have lots of things to tell.
Another 605 angel number meaning is that it is the right time to go on a spiritual enlightenment process. During this phase you will not only learn how to develop psychic reading skills, but you will have to make many decisions which will have long term influence. The consequences are likely to be positive as the angels are here to guide and provide more information and directions during the chosen path.
Angel number 5: is related to the whole meaning of 605 angel number and adds the need to make decisions. Decisions are major principle in life, if you got it right than most of the things will generate positive future outcomes as gifts from god. The angels in the skies would like to inform you to not fear of being decisive. Sometimes it is better to make a certain choice than not doing anything at all. We are being rewarded base on the actions we take and not by our thoughts alone. Although ideas, inspirations and intuition are very crucial, if it doesn’t has an end result in the physical world than it will disappear.
With 605 angel number, take one step further, don’t get stuck in endless thinking patterns. After you gained enough information go and take action. Do it as a controlled experiment, something small that doesn’t involve a big risk, just for the sake of doing something new. For example if you have a day of go for a job interview on other company, maybe it will open a door for a new career, go to a seminar or university to learn a new hobby or skill, visit new places and basically search for new opportunities.
605 angel number symbolism
605 angel number symbolism through history was mainly related to be generous. Angels and good spirits has always been associated with helping the human kind. So by giving to others you actually become a guardian angel yourself like Uriel and Zadkiel.
Also be happy with you have right now, it might be a lot and it might be not too much, but the angels wants to suggest to stop wanting and wanting things which will not convoy happiness. Be grateful for everything you achieved until this very moment and realize that you are fine and in fact you don’t really need to pursue new material possessions or extreme experiences.
Remember that life can take you to bad direction, you could encounter problems and obstacles which will make you miserable for years. So basically right now you are lucky because you don’t have too many worries in mind. It is also a good advice to not think about the past too much because it can’t be changed, we don’t have a time machine. It is much productive to vision the future and build it logically step by step.
The angels are sending you the number 605 because they want you to realize that you are unique person. So don’t compare yourself to others. It doesn’t matter what they are doing as long as you focus on personal goals and spiritual fulfilment. This will only create negative energies like jealousy and other bad emotions. Don’t waste effort of pretending, being fake and compete over mundane stuff like who has a bigger house, better profession or more friends. The important thing is that you are going in a direction that is good for your karma, live life as you want it to be.
Symbolism of angel number 605 includes stable substructure. Through many scribes, legends and folk stories 605 is an origin symbol of strength, the power to endure difficulties for a long time and than to overcome them a winner. Heroes have been fighting monsters, travelled in scary worlds and went to wars, only those who really wanted to come back safe, has made it. To survive on earth there is a need to be much stronger in the inside of the personality, not only physically.
Keep in mind that all the people in the world are so how connected to one another, so when they perceive you as someone who is stable and powerful they will like to be around, so if you will listen to the 605 angel number symbolism, you might discover that you are a natural leader. Hence, don’t be passive, get to be more active and in the end you might find yourself influencing on the human kind, at small or large scale.
605 angel number spiritual meaning
605 angel number spiritual meaning is endless energy and abundance. The basic explanation suggests you should not stop. If you have started some project than complete it, do it until there are substantial result, don’t quit. Quitting is for those who are too weak to endure the burden. They will never get to the point they want to be, always complaining and playing the victim. This is not a good road to walk, prove the world that you are build from a better material. Seeing 605 angel number is a definitive sign to complete a task until it’s completely done.
One example for endless energy or vibration is the concept of souls. Many people believe that after death the soul is transformed to another form or new places like heaven, hell and the sky. Moreover they believe in reincarnation, meaning that we can come back here to earth after death. The basic concept of this point of view is that the soul is an endless source of vibration.
In addition the spiritual meaning of flowing is also amplified with 605 angel number. When you flow it basically mean to understand that you can not control every tiny aspect. There are many other factors and reasons why certain events occur and usually we can not do anything about it as we are not the only players. Don’t strive to brutally enforce change on yourself or people around because it will only lead to undesired opposite outcomes.
The angels are sending you explicit instructions as quotes to stop seeking perfection and protection. Nothing is flawless and if we would wait for the perfect soulmate or twin flame or perfect job offer to come it might not come eventually. It is better to search for what is perfect for this current moment. If it is good enough for now than take it and work the way up with what is available near by.
The number zero is at the center of 605 angel number, so your main priority should be spiritual development in form of soul healing. Although you gained many experiences until now, nothing can really prepare you for a spiritual journey, there are new concept and wisdom to be learned. Always remember that life is about cycles, the beginning is also the end and vice versa. It means that you already know from inside what are the wishes and hopes, in fact in this sense life is very predictable and self awareness might reveal the future of the journey.
605 angel number in love
605 angel number in love signifies a romantic person. They take any relationship in a serious matter. They devote themselves to family and raising children. However in love there is no only romance and happiness because sometimes it is little difficult to be around them.
If you are seeing number 605 repeatedly than you tend to be a little tensed or irritated. In love and relationship it might be a major obstacle. If you will over react than sooner or later you might end up in a break up or a divorce. 605 is a sign from the divine to be more relax and flexible. Another suggestion is to be more traditional and do things in the old fashion way. You are someone who likes simple things and nostalgia, by creating this kind of environment the relationship might last for longer time.
If you have been burned out in previous relationship than it becomes more and more difficult for you to start a new one. The healing of the heart will take few months and even up to a year. As a serious person you also don’t enter too fast into romance or new connection, you take the time and deicide to do it only after you are sure for 100% that this is the right choice.
605 angel number in love means that soulmates or twin flames are very cardinal and they should be protected and loved at all cause. Hence sometime you might like to have the role of a hero or a saver or just help your spouse. Make sure not to force it on them, take into consideration that sometimes we can not help people if they are not willing to accept our guidance. Don’t take in too personally just let it go and wait till they will be more comfortable to open themselves.
In love 605 represents being a loyal partner because it contains the number 5. They will not waste their time on a person they don’t feel good around. This is also why they like to meet as much people as possible before deciding who will be their next lover. But once they made up their mind, they will not change it and live with him or her forever as they believe in unconditional love.
605 angel number twin flame
605 angel number twin flame is about computability. If you are keep getting this number than the angels are giving you a bold sign to know who you are compatible with because he or she might enter to your life very soon.
605 is a sign that you don’t want to live alone, in fact values like marriage, partnership and friendship are really predominant. A twin flame gives you confidence and security and this is why it is crucial you will find someone who is a perfect match. Being with the wrong person might have bigger negative impact. Stability is something very basic within your point of view, hence it must be taking care of completely.
Accordingly you are most compatible with people who have the following life path numbers: 2, 3, 4 and 9. If a person is somehow related to numbers 5, 6, 7 he or she are not the right twin flame. You will not be able to live with him or her, they are the complete opposite and it will become a nightmare. Number 1 and 8 can go either way it depends on how much work you and the partner want to put into the success of the love relationship.
What does 605 mean in angel number? another value that is important for you is idealism. It is crucial when we are talking about twin flames. You have a vision of the ideal relationship or what does it means to be a couple who both of them are in love. It is like a dream or a sweet wish that need to be fulfilled. If it will come true than great, but if it will be a shuttered dream it might cause you sorrow for a long time. Therefore 605 angel number encourages you to keep on dreaming and searching for a twin flame, but bare in mind that there will also be disappointments.
Significance of 605 angel number numerology
What is the Significance of 605 angel number in numerology? This is a bright indication of willpower. The angels want you to increase the willpower because you have a big mission to complete. Even if you don’t know it yet, something big is coming and you will have to play your cards right. Willpower is the key words of the angel sign in that case.
In order to build a great willpower there are few things that need to be done. First, don’t be overwhelmed by the destiny or path. Start small with tiny steps, complete small chores and be very alerted with all the little details even if they look unimportant or useless. The future is yet to be revealed, so don’t stop in the middle, there is much hard work ahead.
The significance of self-reliance is another personality trait and virtue that 605 angel number is all about. You should be more independent, don’t leave critical stuff to luck or randomness. In truth trust no one as every person on earth has his or her own motive. When someone is giving an advice, he or she usually talking more about what they wish to have or do, rather than actually about something that will fit perfectly for you. They don’t do it because they are bad or manipulative by definition, but because they see themselves first.
605 angel number means resourcefulness and creativity. There is a high chance that you have artistic skill or going to be an entrepreneur. When it comes to numerology number 605 indicates doing new things. You have the ability to think out of the box and find creative solution to problems.
This is the time to chase the dreams you always had, if you are on a mundane job which doesn’t brings you happiness as it was in the past, consider to seek another occupation, something fun and fresh. People who stay all their life with the same job or place don’t have enough challenges in life, in reality they are a sleep through all the time. The routine make their life really boring, they focus too much on monetary security and stability rather than enjoying life and do meaningful stuff, this is their trade of.
Everything in life can be seen as a lesson we learn. The things we know today are the experiences of the past. The significance of 605 angel number is reminding us to act upon the knowledge we gained. In numerology 605 number is related to number two which is a symbol of sensitivity and not only about logic and brain calculation. 6 + 0 + 5 = 11, 1 + 1 = 2. So if you want to be able to navigate through life there is a necessity to combine the mind and the emotion intelligence.
605 angel number and 606 607 609 611 numbers
The repeating pattern of 605 angel number might be revealed as other numbers again. It happens because they are closely similar in their meanings, however there are some variations:
606 angel number meaning: is to be more spiritual. Although you have accomplished many things and especially material object, there is something missing in your life. Buying more products or assets will not solve this emptiness. The soul need to be fed with spiritual elements as well. The angels giving a clue to cease the shopping madness, the answer is on the other direction.
Be more minimalistic, the fewer items we have, the more we feel free. It will open a space at every house or a room but also a space in our mind. You will start to notice that there are less negative thoughts, less stress and more time to do other things like walking in nature and be with friends.
607 angel number meaning: is more spiritual than 605 and 607, it is two steps further on psychic development journey. It indicates you already have passed trough the initial knowledge phase. Now is the perfect time to find someone who will teach you how to use these powers. It can be a guru, master and oracle or any kind of spiritual guide. It is also recommended to read books about this topic and search the internet for more information. You can also consult real psychics and go to one session to see how it is done.
609 angel number meaning: is that you are lost in some ways, it is usually with reference to work and career. If you are still young than you have to find out soon what are the strength points and weak points, by doing it the angel will reveal your career path. If you are older or already did significant things in recent years, consider to change the path to something more related to people, communities and assistance in general.
611 angel number meaning: this number is ending in 11 double digits so the angels are urging you to rearrange everything connected with relationships and domestic affairs. Make a decision whether you want to keep the current because you had some troubles in the past with soulmate or twin flame.
More examples of associated angel numbers in repeating sequences are: 1, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 111, 1111, 222 and 333.
Repeating 605 angel number sacred signs
There are many sacred signs in which angels are contacting us everyday and even at night when we are sleeping and dreaming. 605 angel number might be hidden everywhere, within codes and other combinations, here are few of the included interpretations:
5: number 5 denotes being interested in life’s secrets. Learning how to explorer things and know how they work, why do they exists and how to use them for the benefit of all human kind.
6: is stability, the foundation we build our life with. When it comes to love it indicates strong bond between twin flames and soulmates. If you are a parent than it signifies the importance of being with the kids and to share many activities together.
50: is a clear sacred sign from angels that freedom should be the ultimate goal in one’s life. More often than not we are not truly free to do the things we really want. This is the time to create a change and pursue freedom at al cost.
56: symbolize new opportunities, most of them will be positive and successful. However you will have to adapt to new situations as well. Don’t be fixated too much on ideals and philosophy principles.
60: is explained as perfection because it contains the number 12 multiplied by 5. You seek perfection and it might be very real in the next few weeks or months. It also denotes being lucky, so there is a possibility to win unexpected money and get stuff without too much effort.
65: is about justice and judgement. When you see something wrong or injustice, you try to fix it and show everyone the victory. You are a hero for those who can’t speak about their problems or for those who need help, a modern kind of warrior.
506: angel number code is encouraging a person to be friendlier. Life is about connection between people and there are many forms of these ties. If you will be more connected to your inner self, than it will attract people with same vibrations.
560: is about getting rid of fears and doubts. It is usually something that can be solved in spiritual manners. The angels are listening to the prayers, wishes and dreams at night. They received the message and now they are working on it. Hang on tight through rough times.
650: angel number suggests being more optimistic. Positive energies will do you good it terms of happiness, joy and even health. It is really easy to slip into negativity and see the world from pessimistic view, this should be avoided as much as possible.
Where have people seen 605 angel numbers? Some popular place are:
Expensive jewelry price tickets on earrings, ring, and pendants.
Objects like hoodie, rug, phone case, plate, poster, jumper, keychain, candles, and bracelet.
Your birthday date, date of birth, in horoscope dates and zodiac signs for example Taurus, Virgo, Pisces, Capricorn, astrology chart, oracle cards, tarot deck especially cards that named: the hierophant, the fool and the lovers.
On the internet at forums like reddit, usernames, hashtags, music song length 6:05.
In math and physics as equation, palindrome, calculator, decoder and random number generator.
Glossary dictionary, sheets, books and pdf page numbers and bible verse numbers.
Urban and country places, especially roads and area codes.

Hello all,
TL;DR: Boyfriend (32M) left apartment keys after political argument online (discord), wiped his digital footprints, and is unreachable. Diagnosed ADHD (combined) and possibly NPD. I (30F) feel abandoned. I'd like to know your thoughts, please.
I am an immigrant and recently became an American citizen. I've lived here for 8 years, and would like to do my due diligence and vote this year. I've been doing research (people's opinions (stats), different political issues, history, media coverage, personal opinions) about it, and I asked my bf on discord (where we chat every day while at work) if he could talk politics with me. He reluctantly agreed, gave me a rundown of his American experience (born and raised here), and I proceeded to ask questions. I told him not to judge a book by its cover because he was displaying a very strong one-sided opinion. Being apolitical, I told him I don't think it's that clear-cut at all. I told him, "if anything, you're misinformed and falling for bias." This was the starting point of this conflict. We proceeded to talk politics. I clearly told him that I am not supporting anything. I want to understand first before forming opinions. He became more and more emotional, and told me he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I told him, "people who don't want you to think are never your friends." I literally asked him, how should an immigrant form political opinions... He kept escalating, mistaking my questions for defending the side he has a problem with. He said he will give no more answers. I said, "I will continue asking questions," as intellectual stimulation is very important to me. He told me he was not picking me up from work as he usually did, and I saw it as a punishment. But I didn't mind, I'm totally okay with taking the bus.
I realize I crossed the line as he kept insulting my language and called my views "garbage words" and that he stopped reading. He kept spamming me things as though he is above people. At this point, he has manually deleted his discord messages, so I am relying only on my memory. Some of the words he wrote I saved, and ran it through an AI. It advised me to seek domestic violence support. It told me that his messages were very abusive. It told me that he "might see himself as a kind of "revealer of truth," but this can be a justification for controlling or manipulating others." It told me to focus on my safety and well-being.
It told me that the way he uses his language creates distance and suggests he doesn't care about my perspective. One of his statements the AI identified as a veiled threat, implying he will use underhanded tactics to "show" me something I don't want to see.
That day (2 days ago) he said he'll meet me at our apartment, but I found the door locked and him gone. I heard him in the morning get up (he slept on the couch), and leave very quickly at the time he usually leaves for work. He texted me that he will leave his phone off for the day. Yet, he proceeded to send me messages yesterday morning (7-8am), and I eventually said, "I see that conflict resolution skills are required here."
He said I misunderstood him, and that he wants to demonstrate by removing himself entirely. He said he didn't know when he'll return. He told me my mistake is assuming he'll resolve anything or that there's any desire for resolution. He told me I don't know who I'm talking to...
I replied with, "I'm willing to talk when you are. This issue is important to me and I need to consider how to solve this problem and move forward"
It quickly escalated to him gaslighting me, verbally dismissing me, and I finally put up a wall saying I will not tolerate being spoken to this way. He then said, of all words, a single 'please' and 'I'm sorry' is what you think anyone wanted to hear. Guilt-tripping me. I referenced my message from last night before going to sleep, "I'm sorry. Please come back, [his name]". He said nothing was addressed, and that my resolve was weak. His last sentence was:
Only a fool would have returned at that moment, to smell a sweet flower of death.
At this point I blocked him. I needed to create personal space and focus on work, and his words were impacting me negatively. I was so confused. It was unusual not to have him to chat with at work.
I was anxious about returning home. When I did, I found the apartment door unlocked, and his keys on the countertop with a message saying "Thank you". He ripped a page from his notebook titled "secrets," and he cut the preserved rose bud that he gave me some time ago. I could not believe it. It all seems very confusing to me. Yet, I am able to empathize with him, and I'd like to say that this behavior is not who he is. However, before we started dating, I also had to block him because he was trying to put me in complete dark. After some time, he wrote two VERY LONG emails apologizing. I am tracking the patterns.
I still have no word from him. He deactivated all his social media, including even Spotify. This morning, I tried calling his workplace but they were unable to transfer me.
I feel abandoned and punished for asking questions. This is coming from him after I asked for extra support this upcoming month (my birthday month), as my depression tends to flare up. I am in treatment for it, as is he for his ADHD. But this is next level behavior.
I am seeking support and additional insight or relevant experience from someone of you guys.

Hello. For fun and just like many others, because of the trailer, I decided to make a theory. Truth is, I never really bothered with item descriptions and most of my knowledge is simply from YT videos, Wiki, Berserk's Wiki (because honestly, Greater Will looking like Idea of Evil, with Fingers and God Hand as direct agents is just, eh - and the more I've read, which is not much even, the more I wonder if Miyazaki made the world of Elden Ring based heavily on Berserk and simply asked someone like Martin, who made an intricate story like Song of Ice and Fire, to fill it with more specific lore - world building is quite different from filling said world) and most importantly: playing the game.
My theory touches basically everything - I did not even finish first part about baseline story and I am at 1,8k words. I am just curious how long some people made their theories?
Though I might save myself time if this is something debunked, but the general outline is: Crucible is not just blood/gore, but also the soul, explaining the Red and Gold, where Gold is the soul or rather the Life Force and Elden Ring is a tool to harness it and build the world, since as we know you can remove things from it, meaning it's not only incomplete - giving a lot of meaning to ancient history - but also that perhaps Elden refers to Age, like Age of Dragons, Age of Humans, Age of...
Serpents, possibly, since as we know - Placiwhatchamacallit was supposed to be an Elden Lord before Time, and if we assume Time is actually a Rune in Elden Ring, we could also assume that the Serpents are responsible for the Death Rune. Farum Azula is clearly inaccessible until we damage the Erdtree, meaning there's a lot of connection between Elden Ring and Ancient Dragons, and quite importantly: ulcerated tree spirits having eyes similar to snakes.
Supposedly, I actually just found it out and it puts yet another block on my theory. But as you can see, there's quite a bit of it already and it's not even touching half of the subject itself. Because I would like to add that Elden Beast has aquatic features, but while we could assume these are fins (and probably are) - they also look like wings, except not Wyvern wings but Ancient Dragon wings and when we look at Marika/Radagon, we see they are.. like crumbling stone. I've heard a mention of petrified wood, and if we assume that Erdtree was in fact not around in ancient times (seeing as there'd be a lot more war going on for it) we can also assume, yet again, that Elden Ring was not tied to an Erdtree - Elden Lord is tied to the Elden Ring, not the Erdtree and Dragon spells actually use Faith too. Furtherome they have golden skin and Placidusalmostgotit looks just like Marika and Radagon, with his heads missing - all the while we can find an amulet showing him with 4 heads, meaning he might've grow a new one, a part of him, just like Marika/Radagon. So when he lost Grace, or whatever Greater Will's interest is called, he deteriorated without the Elden Ring that was probably taken away, and there's more to what we see here including that it's quite possible he is sealed in some sort of Evergaol and it was not by Godfrey or Marika, but by internal issues - and then we have Elden meaning Age - but just as I've read on Berserk's wiki, I won't be looking the quote again: it might be about certain events happening every now and then (also the event from Berserk that happens every 200+ years to make a new Apostle: also fits) but they are different.
So if we assume Elden Beast is in fact an attempt of Greater Will to create Perfect World and it's more or less experimenting, we could see certain patterns. Worth of note before I finish this mere introduction to my theory, is that it could directly punish Nox by most probably sending Astel on them. Which also could provide context to Chaos disliking it, because that's what brings strife, pain, sin, etc.
Lots of things connect to it, and I did not even go for Serpents properly, but that's because there's a lot of context for that, but it's quite possible they were the Crucible and that the God-Eating Serpent was fed (seeing as there are Mausoleums from times of Marika's ascent to Godhood that are also her offspring, said to fail at their attempts to become Gods ending as sacrifice instead - after all, where would Godskins get their God Skins?)

My sweet long-haired chihuahua crossed the rainbow bridge this morning around 11:30am, six days before his 10th birthday.
I wasn't able to be there because I was at work and training a new hire. I knew there was a possibility he would be put down today, but we found out only an hour before we had to come in. I wanted to be there, but I just couldn't call out. I made sure I said goodbye to him before I left for work, in case it happened while I was gone. I also spent hours the past week just laying with him on the couch, which he always loved to do with us. He would always lay against my chest and sleep with me.
I feel like I'm still in shock at how quickly it happened.
We found out about the lump under his left front leg only a week ago. 7 days ago. He had been going to the vet prior to that to treat a skin condition, and no one there had noticed it. We only had 7 days from the time of tentative diagnosis to death. The biopsy finally came back today: multicentric lymphoma. But we already knew what it had to be. It was so aggressive and so horrifying to watch how quickly he withered away into a shell of his former self.
I can't express enough how pure of a soul he was. Chihuahuas raised with love and care are some of the sweetest beings to ever exist. He was light. He was love. He was everything good in this world. He always shared his snacks with our other dog, let our other dog eat and drink first, was my mom's trusty little sidekick. Would kill for our family even though he was never big and strong enough to. I will spend the rest of my life missing him.
In a weird, almost twisted way, I feel like his death happening so quickly was a blessing. It would have been so difficult to see him slowly decline over a period of months. It hurt so much to lose him so quickly, but we knew it was time. We didn't want to see him suffer any longer. He had a seizure yesterday and was starting to lose control over his bowel movements. He was so lethargic and started having trouble walking after another seizure today. The cancer had spread all over his body. It was time.
I hope you're running around, happy and healthy as can be, in doggy heaven, little guy. You will always be our baby. I'll see you again someday.

Oct 22 I had a “panic attack” I put it in quotes because I don’t actually know that that’s what it was. I went to ER. They did blood tests, ct scan with contrast, and regular chest xray. They couldn’t find anything other than elevated liver enzymes but they didn’t really explain it to me. For reference at the time I was 25yrs old 328lbs. I am female. I haven’t been the same ever since that day. Frequent heart palpitations/racing heart random body pains, ears ringing sometimes. All sounds like panic right?
I went to my regular dr who prescribed me lexapro 10mg. (I was on it for a year but then stopped.) Shortly after this incident, I went to a cardiologist referred by Dr. we did ekg, holter monitor for two weeks, and echocardiogram. He told me nothing seemed to be structurally wrong with my heart.
Fast fwd to recently. During that time I had lost and gained back my weight. Since April I’m down about 30lbs. CW: 297. My Dr prescribed me a beta blocker for the heart palpitations and high blood pressure. I was getting readings ranging from 156/92 to 135/90’s/80’s. I’ve been on metoprolol for less than two weeks.
My blood tests came back but my appointment isn’t until the 5th of June. I have posted the results on here, but will post them again with this post. Also please note that I have gone to ER many times since Oct 2022 and have had a few chest X-rays. Er drs always tell me clear X-rays.
I went to er the other day because my chest and neck and leg were hurting. They did ultrasound of my leg and my carotids. Leg is clear. Carotids have some plaque but not enough to do anything about it. Troponin test negative d dimmer test negative.
I’m freaking out that I have heart disease and Im turning 27 on June 9th.
I feel like my choices over the years signed a death sentence for me and I’m terrified to die.
If you made it this far, thank you. Any thoughts?