Birthday party letter

I had an abusive therapist in 2021 whom I recently, and so kindly, made a review page for on RateMDs (Canada); turns out a lot of people feel the exact same way about her, and one person claimed they are reporting her to the ethics board due to her verbal attacks.
My next therapist in 2022 was abusive, even worst than the last. It was so bad I ended up reporting to the ethics board, and the therapist is now doing coaching for the time being. If I had recorded the sessions it would have been game over for that therapist. It killed me for a long time that I didn't record the sessions.
I later sought out a new therapist; my friend warned me that the one I chose had "crazy eyes" and it was red flags all over (based on their PP profile). I should have listened.
This new therapist, Alex, almost killed me, again. He was awful. The second I walked in the room, I warily mentioned my past experience with the abusive therapist. In response, Alex started accusing me of having "destructive" behaviours - despite that I didn't tell him anything about my behaviours yet. I hadn't told him anything at all, just that I was anxious due to a past experience. I think he has issues with younger women.
I saw Alex from August 2023 - April 2024. In this time, he became delusional from his own assumptions, confronted me constantly for things he pulled out of thin air (he would twist anything I said and then confront me for some alleged bad behaviour or cognitive distortion), and was entirely unwilling to try a different approach despite my (at first) gentle attempts to communicate that his approach wasn't working and was making me very unwell. I can gladly provide examples but it'd end up being a long ass post if I do that, so bear with me. He couldn't handle me even trying to talk about my past therapy abuse, because it was assumed to be my fault. Any dissent was "resistance" or rigidity. He refused to do trauma work despite that being the foundational problem. He refused to let me "free associate" (psychodynamic therapy) because he was convinced it would cause me some wild regression (as if his current approach wasn't fucking me up.
There was nothing for me to work with in the therapy. It wasn't grounded in reality; it was just all about how awful I am, yet not even in a way that was tangible - he could never explain himself. I was already hanging on a thread from my past abusive therapists, and I pretty quickly developed a substance use disorder (prescription) to try to cope. Began to vape nicotine constantly to try to stabilize myself. I began to isolate myself. By December 2023 I stopped going out at all - again. You know, almost died from the therapist in 2022, my life was almost ruined, and couldn't go out at all, and there I was basically back in the same place.
I never missed a single session. I even opted to increase to twice a week session in an attempt to resolve whatever was going amiss. I continuously tried to establish a working relationship with him. My self-confidence and sense of reality and self were devastated.
Anyway, March 2024 comes around and it comes out Alex diagnosed me with BPD and that was why he was been so confrontational (and delusional). Now, I'm pretty darn sure I have either schizotypal or a psychotic disorder. I was under the impression he was treating me for this, as he himself said he dx'd me with schizotypal. But I was also very confused because being confrontational with the kinds of populations I fit into is exactly not what you're supposed to do and has been proven to fuck them up. It's one of the reasons I stayed so long; I just dissociated into oblivion. Not to mention the CPTSD.
I end up sending Alex an email detailing my experiences, which was hard to do. He never asked me about my experiences before (it was all about his assumptions of me), and I thought I needed to try to put an end to this, to again try to establish a working relationship.
The next session, Alex immediately begins to apologize, tells me how he misdiagnosed me, that he's been treating me for a Cluster B disorder when he should have been treating me for a Cluster A, that the "treatment" not working wasn't my fault. He also was convinced that this is what went wrong in my past therapies; that they misdiagnosed me with BPD when the issue was schizotypal, and that it just so happens that applying the confrontational treatment for BPD to schizotypal can basically end the schizotype. (TBH he was way too generous to these past therapists; all him saying that proved to me was that he never believed me in the first place.) He told me he "failed me" and that I "humbled him." He was almost crying he seemed so sorry.
I was already looking for a new therapist, but I was grateful that at least it seemed like things were set straight with Alex. I mean, I now had a substance use disorder and all the more therapy trauma, but I'm pretty happy with little. It was mutually agreed upon that the termination was due to the ways in which the misdiagnosis made the treatment inhospitable for me. It was ended amicably but I noticed he began to act weird around me, very distant, etc. I didn't think much of it, figured maybe he was more emotionally involved when he thought I had BPD for whatever reason.
Found a new therapist at the beginning of April - a formally trained, international psychoanalyst who lives in Prague out of all things (was getting desperate) - and things are going well, finally. No therapy abuse; no issues that even closely resemble the issues I've had with the abusive therapists, etc. Things are finally "easy" with a therapist; the sailing is as smooth as it can be.
Well, two days ago I contacted Alex as I wanted to go to a boutique treatment centre for my prescription substance use issue and they were requesting recent past therapist notes. I thought what a better option than to have Alex send his notes with an explanation that he misdiagnosed me, that he thinks I have been misdiagnosed continuously in past therapies and that's why I've been "treatment resistant," and so on and so forth. Also, given that I developed the issue because of the stress from Alex, this way my story would be corroborated.
Alex was adamant sending his notes was a bad idea, and that the ethics board actually recommends that psychologists write summary letters of the treatment instead. I thought that was nice that Alex was looking out for me. I explained to Alex what I'm looking for in the letter (with the central focus being on the misdiagnosis issue), and that my main goal is to help prove my eligibility for the program (they only take "highly motivated" clients; it's more relaxed in terms of restrictions and what not). I agreed to pay Alex around $400 for his time. I really thought Alex and I were making further amends and that it was so nice he could have my back on this.
Alex gets back to me with the worst letter imaginable. All about how the treatment failed because of ME, how we never made any progress because of ME, that the "lack of consensus on treatment goals and methods" was a massive barrier, and that this all happened despite that the frequency was increased to twice a week (which he failed to mentioned only occurred because I requested it, in an effort to save the therapy!). He made no mention of the fact that I never missed a single therapy session or any fact that would make me sound good, not to mention that he didn't even so much as touch on the fact that the therapy failed because of HIS misdiagnosis. He made it sound like the termination occurred because of how treatment resistant I was.
He also downplayed my trauma (I asked him to speak out this in the letter), saying only how I have a family history of "neglect" and being "scapegoated." My mother would scream at me, like to the point her lungs were going to burst, as a small child until I blacked out, this continued up until I was kicked out at 18, and I have serious CPTSD. I was even diagnosed with PTSD at one point. Like? Alex is supposed to be a specialist in trauma.
So I read the letter and was confused. Got back to him assuring that I'd still pay him, but suggested maybe he remove some parts of it if he can't revise them. Told him I disagree with the reasons for termination and why the treatment didn't work out, and reminded him of the fact he misdiagnosed me. I was honestly very confused and thought maybe he forgot. Told him it's probably not helpful to minimize my trauma.
Cue a minute after I send that email, and it suddenly dawns on me. The pathetic excuse of a therapist never recorded his fuck up in my clinical file. He obviously maintained his delusional narrative within his notes, presumably to cover his ass in case I reported him or sued him for malpractice (unlikely anyway), given his misshapen and misapplied "treatment" caused me a ton of harm due to his incompetence.
I was seeing red and sent him another email informing him that I actually recorded our final session, given what happened with my previous therapist (and Alex knew about my regret of not recording those sessions, and I'd often leave my phone out during our sessions). It's one-party consent in Canada, and Alex at the very beginning told me he was fine if I recorded the sessions anyway. So yeah, I emailed Alex whilst appalled telling him all about how I recorded him stating he misdiagnosed me, was treating me for the wrong disorder, that therapy not working wasn't my fault, and so on.
Told him he can either write me a letter based on facts - facts I can corroborate given my session recordings - or I'm not paying him for shit. Told him to not even bother replying if he isn't willing to write me a letter grounded in reality. Shockingly, he never got back to me.
And now he'll never know if I was bluffing and he gets to spend the next few months in terror that I'm going to use session recordings to report him for knowingly putting false information in clinical documentation.
What the hell. He could have at least TRIED to make me sound decent in the letter given that he knew what he was saying was bullshit. I guess dissonance is a real bitch. I also don't for a second buy that if I had BPD, his shit-tier "treatment" would have magically worked. It was gaslighting and abusive. You can't just make horrible assumptions about people or create a false reality, shove that in the person's face, then gaslight them all the more when the person is fucking confused and, eventually, distraught.
What a gaslighting loser. I should legitimately report him. Leaving him a bad review as we speak.

I am just tired of my family for hounding me about my actions. I just want to know if I should forgive or go no contact because I am tired if arguing for 12 years. So this happend to me when I was 15. I was a sophomore in high school and I was dating a girl we will call (L), so me and L have been going out for about a year and I figured all was great between us. Her family liked me and my family liked her. I figured this is the girl I mind spend forever with. Just wanted to give a little back story. On the day of my birthday me and my little brother we will call (J) shared a birthday we were born 2 years apart but almost on the same day me the 17 and him the 16 of August. It was a good celebration we were all having fun my friends and his friends were attending and the family was there everything was in full swing. L and myself got separated after awhile and I was talking to the guests and sharing jokes and other discussions. I figured L went to my bedroom as she didn't like large crowds. After some time one of J's friends came to look for me and ask were J was. I haven't seen him in awhile either. So I went to search the house. I didn't find him on the main floor or even the renovated basement so I went to the second floor and was hearing thumping sounds. At first I checked my room and no one was in there and J's room was right across from mine. Then I heard a moan. I step up to J's door and opened it. It didn't take long for me to see what was going on. I saw my brother the person I trusted most, the guy I thought always had my bad screwing my girlfriend. I screamed and J and L tried to explain but I walked away. I went outside to get some air and the party was silent at this point. My grandpa asked what happened and I told him everything. He looked sad but said nothing. While I was outside L tried to talk to me and I told her it was over and she is a cheating whore and knew where I stood on cheating. Then she told me something else that crushed my heart even more. She told me that she used me to get to J and they have been screwing around since the 3 month of our relationship. I was devastated, I wanted to hurt my brother. To give a little bit of size difference I was 6ft 260 mostly muscle and boxed alot. My little brother was 5'11 athletic fram but didn't have the same strength I did. So I went inside and wanted to hurt him I was seeing red I didn't care what happened. My grandma stepped in front of me to stop me. My grandma told me if I hurt him I should pack up and leave and the whole family was on her side. I was so mad, I was the one who got hurt and betrayed and now this is happening. So I couldn't do anything as it was my only home. I felt I was left out and the family didn't help my pain either. The. J and L started openly dating. Everyday was a slap in the face to me and my family condoned this kind of behavior. After I hit 18 I moved out keeping low contact and haven't been to abother family gathering since. Of course J and L didn't last and they broke up about 2 years later. J would become a serial cheater and everytine one of his girlfriend would reach out to me ask me why I wasn't around I would always ask if they are J's girlfriend and tell them to leave because he is a serial cheater and will hurt them. Now fast forward the last 4 months everyone in my family wants me to rejoin them and say they miss me or some other crap but I can't get over what happened and how little I felt in that moment and how they all condoned his behavior. I have changed my number 6 times and somehow they keep getting ahold of me. They don't know where I live thank God but I am starting to get worn down. The last time any of them saw me was when my grandpa passed away and I left right away after the funeral. So reddit I am here to ask should I forgive and try again or just keep my peace and move on from them.

Tldr the love of my life was sexually assaulted in a pub restroom and i didn't murder the bastard who did it because I didn't know how severe it was and also i was scared of someone much stronger
From childhood, I was a selfish and cowardly person who, because of these two qualities, coupled with inexperience, let down family and friends. I was beaten by my parents and offended at school, both by teachers and classmates, and I never knew how to answer. On the contrary, it began to seem to me that my bitter experience allows me to offend others, to take everything from life. I was very wrong, but definitely karma will bite me for this. My bad character and my grotesquely disgusting appearance (my left eye is lazy) led to the fact that I was fatally deprived of female attention and jealous of the men in my environment who drowned in it. Therefore, when on August 14, 2021, the most beautiful girl in my life, whom I had known for three years, invited me on a date herself, confessed her feelings to me and kissed me, I was the happiest person in the world. She was special. The most beautiful woman, dyed red hair and played rts videogames and watched anime, even let me touch her and seemed to want sex with me. However, in 48 hours everything turned upside down.
I witnessed the horrendous harassment of her on August 16th and did nothing. The rapist, our former friend, stood up and towered over her began to somehow strangely demand a kiss from her when we gathered for, as it seemed to me then, the most ordinary drinking party. I felt that she was not comfortable, but then I had no idea how bad everything was. I was too frightened by a physically stronger man to stand up for my beloved, especially since we had not officially dated yet. My God, I should have intervened already then!
The next morning, on August 17, I received a message that if I stood for her, she would have thought whether we should date or not, and since I did not see this, she does not see the point. I sobbed nine times after this message. I'm ready to cry over her right now too. What I didn't know at the time was that shortly after the kiss-demanding incident, he followed her to the restroom and started molesting her. Very bad. I even continued to communicate with this bastard for some time, not knowing the whole story. I learned about the whole picture only a week later, when we met with her in the same company on other friends birthday party (but without the rapist). It was a very difficult conversation and I made a mistake in it, my stupid head. I said complete nonsense and selfishly tried to cling to any little thing, somehow trying to rehabilitate myself, but this only hurt my beloved more. When I tried to promise that I would behave differently if I had known the full story or next time, she started making fun of me. Fucking hell. I cut off all contacts with the assaulter that same evening I had learned the full story, and he was still surprised, he said, “Why does it bother you? Fell in love with her? ”, To which I answered in the affirmative and sent the bastard to the Blocklist, after which, in the spring, I began to talk about his atrocities to the girls in our common institute. Although it hardly mattered, it was our last year at the university.
Somewhere in February, I blocked my beloved everywhere I could, because I realized that my feelings for her were not mutual and having her in my contact list, I only hurt myself. I hoped that I would forget it. Not at all. With a red-hot iron, her image is burned into my brain, heart, in my eyes. My mind is clouded, I feel disgust, shame, regret, depressive sadness, I want to cry forever. I thought that the gym and the study of foreign languages would somehow distract me from the manic desire to end a meaningless life in which I would never again touch the most beautiful and nicest woman on the planet. I began to hate my own sexuality and gladly would have self-castrated myself.
Even right now I pendulum from asexuality to wanting to fuck everyone, anyone at the first given chance. I wish this had never happened.
I want her back. More than anything in the world. I failed her. Now I have no one and nothing. My reputation is also ruined because she told everyone what happened. So now even if I wanted to find another girlfriend, I will never be able to because none would trust a coward such as myself.
It was my first time dealing with such situation and I just froze.
I wrote to my beloved and asked her forgiveness. She doesn't blame me, but when I said that I was ready to do everything for her safety for free, she said "no, but thanks for the offer." I wrote that I understand that she does not trust me, but suddenly yes, and that this is the first time in my life this has happened, to which she said that in any case I am glad that everything is fine with me and I wrote to her. I wrote her a paragraph that she gave me a lot of good emotions and this topic is difficult for me, and I want the best and make sure that everything is fine, she replied with one line "have a nice day" I wrote "you too" and deleted the chat.
I am very sad that she does not trust me and does not see me as a reliable person. She doesn't have to date me or anything, but her not trusting me hurts so much. Like a knife in the heart. I didn't do it on purpose, I panicked because it was the first time. It makes me cry and want to die so much.
Even if at some point I wanted to settle for someone else (I will never be nearly as happy as with her), I won't be able to because she told everyone what happened and news in Baku spread like forest fire.

I had a decent relationship with my brother and dad for my whole life, until I became a SAHM. I have an advanced engineering degree and my license but it upsets them that my only contribution to society at this point is 'picking up my kids crayons'. When they call or visit, I listen to them talk the whole time about their traveling, job and hobbies (dad's retired), how stressful it is for them to manage their cleaning ladies/lawn mowing service/whatever it is. My brother told me he refuses to hire anyone for his startup that has a family because they won't be 100% focused on the company. I just sit and listen. If I send them a picture of my son it's ignored.
Now I'm pregnant with #2 and I feel as busy as we were in the newborn stage. We moved to a bigger house and have a big yard to manage, I clean the house myself, cook most meals... like most of the SAHP's I'm guessing. When my son takes his nap, I need to nap or clean. I don't want to spend my very limited free time on the phone listening to them complain and talk about themselves. I feel selfish because maybe they just need someone to talk to. But I'm now dreading their visits (infrequent as it is) and calls. They have no interest in my son and haven't asked about my pregnancy once (not a big deal bc they're men but it still feels weird).
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel bad and hate when people act too busy to make time for relaxing and stuff but I genuinely feel too busy at this point. I woke up early to cook breakfast and clean before my dad's visit, now the lawn while my husband is able to be with our toddler inside, and we have a laundry list of stuff to do before a birthday party later.
I love the life I'm living and wouldn't trade it. I think maybe it makes them uncomfortable seeing me just being a parent, and not making an income. I got really lucky and my husband makes a great salary and we just bought a nicer house in a great neighborhood. My parents divorced when I was born and there was never time for us, but were still upper middle class. I'm making friends who have a similar mindset as me so I don't think I'm crazy. But at the same time, even my sister, mom and grandma have told me I need to put my son (he's 1.5 btw) into daycare so I can go back to work 'for his benefit'.
Just a rant 😭

May be a reach...Nomi (Mac Miller's ex-girlfriend) said her favourite show was SpongeBob. Since Mac tried to get her back and not Arianka before he died, I wonder if her bonking Sponge Boy has anything to do with it. Nomi's favourite movie was Jaws and I remember Areola suddenly talking a lot about having a Jaws birthday party when she was a kid - a super random detail to constantly bring up in like every single interview. She also wore the exact same jumpsuit that Nomi had previously worn for her Baby I music video as well as constantly wearing circular sunglasses at the time (and again now) which Nomi was more known for doing. Nomi was a theatre kid on YouTube so I wouldn't be surprised if Aritha basically stalked her and learned how to be her to take Mac. Nomi was always very shy and this when Arthello entered her shy, anxiety era. Nomi has also always been a very vocal women's rights advocate/feminist (which eerily reminds me of Lily Jay - maybe Arvin and her chipmunks are threatened by strong women). Again, around this time, Arfield jumps on the wagon seemingly out of nowhere. It seems like these aren't issues (womens' equality rights) that would be pressing on her mind - considering how she lets men treats hehow she treats other women - so I wouldn't be surprised if she was just saying all the right things and kept at it long-term because it became popular so could benefit her career. Nomi also said Jessica Alba was her girl crush and Arfar's original surgery was very Jessica Alba-esque - she even got a photo with her and they looked practically identical. These girls could just have a bunch of things in common and maybe Mac had a type (Nomi did forgive him for cheating on her with Arianahnahnah, putting the blame on herself and I love Mac but maybe it was easier to go for women with low self-esteem?) yet Nomi seems so genuine and consistent in what she likes whilst King Ari VIII sort of picks up trends like iced coffees from Starbucks. Oh, wait, she stopped going to Starbucks because she now only shops at black-owned businesses that she got a photo at one time before going straight back to Starbucks. I also hate how she's been trying to copy Britney Spears so bad lately. It's giving personality disorder (not to shame people who deal with this but she needs to recognise whatever's going on so she can deal with it). And I don't know if she's on too many drugs or not enough but Arizona is on the wrong amount

I have “friends” but i also but afterschool we will never talk. Ive never had a close friend before i always feel left out or not wanted. Im not even close wit my family i have to find a way to move out cuz they hate me. The only fren i had became my bf n my way out of this house but our relationship is over i still love him but idk he even likes me. I lk i wanna die ive never been happy even as a little kid i wanted to die cuz of how awful everything is. The pnly so clled frens i did have didnt even invite me to a birthday party agter talking to them for months as frens they said i was fren y did they lie to me. Im cant get cloe to anyone i cant trust anyone i dont wamma do this by myself. Ik that people have to generlly do things the,selves but ive been doing it since fucking 2 grade i cant do this anymore i relly cant and not one person would care.

My first reddit post, hope you guys go easy on me.

1. Her

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end

Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.
Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

A few weeks ago, my second son was born. He was somehow born on the exact day my 1-year old was born. I thought this was just a neat coincidence, and joked about how much money we would save on birthday parties.
My wife however is taking it a lot more seriously. She’s set on the idea of raising our two boys as twins. She’s always wanted twins and she said the fact that they were born on the same day is a sign from God.
She says if they were raised as the same age they would be able to go to school together, having each others backs and believes that they would be closer as twins rather than siblings.
I told her I’d rather not psychologically torture my son for the rest of his life, but she’s adamant that we will tell him when he grows up and it’s only so he can be closer to his brother now.
I also brought up that they clearly do not look the same age, and she says by the time they’re 1 and 2, no one will be able to tell the difference.
Does she have any sort of point?

Hi, I have no kids and I need advice!
I'm throwing a party for my 35th birthday (Saturday, mid-August).
A handful of friends have had babies in the last few months/weeks. Many others have toddlers and kids up to 9/10 years old.
How can I best accommodate new parents and their kids? I have been to plenty of baby and kid birthday parties, so I am not entirely clueless about activities, but I am sure there are a lot of considerations for new parents that I would not be aware of.
Some ideas and questions. Please let me know what I am doing wrong and what I am leaving out.

• Invites -- I assume new parents will default to "no", but I would like to be able to say I've made the party "baby friendly" so they can at least stop by. Maybe a small window of time, even prior to the start time for adults. Thoughts?
• Entertainment -- I plan to have a small kid's table with coloring books, stickers, maybe temporary tattoos. I may be able to borrow a Little Tikes bounce house. I will get those easy hose-inflatable water balloons, bubbles,Any other ideas?
• Food -- IDK what is best for babies or picky eaters. Lots of water and juice boxes accessible. Grilled cheese. Ice pops (and I'm thinking about arranging for the ice cream truck to stop by or doing ice cream sundaes). Later, there will be a fire and smores.
• Comfort/safety -- I have a nice outdoor couch. Ill have plenty of shade. Lots of fans in case it's hot. There will be music playing over speakers.
• In-ground pool -- Can't avoid this one. Once you're in my backyard, there is no fence or gate to the pool. It also has a ladder instead of steps. Should I get some floaties? I have plenty of floats and pool noodles. It's never been a problem before.
• Inside -- It's usually quiet inside while we have parties. I only have 1 bathroom. Should I set up a changing table or nursing area? I can let them in my room.

What am I overlooking? What else can I do? What red flags did I list?
I want everyone important, friends and family, to be there. I don't usually make my birthday a big thing, but I am turning 35 and my GF and I are a few years away from being ready to have kids. I'm the fun uncle so I want the babies to be accommodated and my niece and nephew to want to stay. Thanks!!

So basically I was with my sister and my stepdad going to his friends kids birthday party. I knew his friend since I was a cheerleader and we went to the same football field to practice. I was about 10-11 at the time maybe 12 and I was around the older kids there. I was messing around with the others kids and we started having a dumb argument about Naruto. She was trying to take a picture of the kids (for some reason I wasn’t in the picture) and the kids were still talking to me about Naruto we were still having that dumb argument. And this lady legit started screaming in my face for me to shut up. I was a kid and she was screaming “JUST SHUT IT UP!” Over and over in my face. And Everytime I kept saying ok she screamed more. I was an emotional kid to do It took me everything not to cry. I ended up just walking out to my car and just standing there. My stepdad came out and I told him I wanted to go home. And we just ended up leaving without even saying anything.
I don’t understand how people think they can treat other people’s kids like this. I’m not her daughter and she was screaming in my face extremely disrespectfully. Now that I’m older I wish I would’ve said something like “Don’t talk to me like that”. But it’s too late now.

My 2 little sisters and my younger cousin all have birthdays within a month of eachother (april 27-june 4) They have always had a joined birthday party. The party is today. A few days ago my old babysitter contacted me asking to babysit her daughter, while her and her husband go to the OBGYN. My mom and I figured out how to get me there and back. The only problem is that i would be 5-10 minutes late. My great-grandma does not like this. She thinks that i shouldn't be skipping out on my sisters/cousins party, even though i would not be too late. She's also mad that my mom is late too as it's her daughters birthdays. I don't think I'm the the ahole as my old babysitter really needs the help, and whenever it's a family gathering for christmas or birthdays we are all sperated doing our own things for like an hour.

Here's a big fat receipt that should be added to the archive, I pulled an all-nighter compiling this into one post. Major credit goes to the vigilant members of this sub & the great information I was able to scour through .
Congrats on identifying Drake's bad behavior with women. I was unsure about the best way to present this because it requires some delicacy & subtlety. During one of my recent deep dives for another piece, I discovered something quite unsettling. I'm aware that there will be a lot of criticism to my post, but I had to say it. People will tell me it's nothing, but Drake's actions speak for themselves.
Before jumping in, I don’tunderstand why this behaviour is getting unchecked. My narrative is completely alleged & all of this is public information.
Let's start from the beginning shall we…
May, 2010: Drake calls a girl on stage fondles the girl and kisses her neck and the crowd cheers along with it. In his defense, he doesn't ask the girl her age but how does it make it any better. He still fondled her without asking for consent in front of a crowd of people.
When the girl tells him that she's only 17 he tries to remedy the situation by saying "how the hell she looks like this" and "you thick". He jokes he can't go to jail and the crowd cheers along with it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp5b9dW1nrA
If this was the only time that Drake did something like this, I would have called it an honest mistake but sadly it's not it.
Year 2016: https://mtonews.com/drake-groomed-hailey-baldwin-at-age-14-then-started-dating-her-at-18
Drake knows Hailey Bieber(nee Baldwin) when she was 14 years old and has been a "good friend" to her. They know each other 'cause Hailey is bestfriends with Kendall and Kylie.
In 2016, Hailey was just nineteen where as Drake was twenty-nine. It's legal but here is the deal. Drake knows her since she was fourteen and Drake is good friends with Justin Bieber, Hailey's then ex boyfriend. Him going after Hailey immediately after her breakup with Justin makes zero sense, ethics wise.https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/drake-is-pursuing-hailey-baldwin-w20858I mean why would someone go after his friends ex who's 10 years his junior?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-90gjG044IQ
Drake also got himself a similar "h" charm necklace that Hailey had a penchant for wearing. Ignore Justin in the background for a second and here it is. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/V_91WJgGVQw
Year 2018: Drake and Bella Harris met when she was sixteen. Her dad's a famous producer. https://www.kanyetothe.com/threads/drake-and-bella-harris-timeline.8088605/
When she turned eighteen Drake rented an entire restaurant for her birthday. Um what? I get that they can be friends but she's just 18 and he's 31. https://www.eonline.com/news/968171/drake-and-rumored-girlfriend-bella-harris-enjoy-intimate-dinner https://www.wmagazine.com/story/bella-harris-who-is-drake-girlfriend
Also, in 2018 Drake went after the weeknd's then ex girlfriend Bella Hadid. Abel and Drake have been mates and collaborates since 2010. Drake helped Abel to step in the spotlight while Abel helped with writing Drake's album, Take care and also lend his vocals.
After her split from the weeknd and around 2018, Drake threw Bella her 21st birthday party. Looks like drizzy really likes throwing birthday parties. https://www.elle.com/culture/music/a21999080/drake-bella-hadid-romance-references-in-finesse-lyrics/
Take note that this has happened two times where Drake has gone for his mates exes and I know Hollywood's chill with it but this just feels emotionally predatory. It's not like he doesn't know these girls, he knows them since they were teens. It's not random.
Year 2019: Billie Eilish defends her texting Drake. Drake's 33 and she's just 18. She even comments that Drake's at a level that he doesn't need to be nice to her but that's a whole different level of power imbalance. https://www.buzzfeed.com/terrycartebillie-eilish-revealed-that-drake-texts-her-creepy
Maybe I'm reaching and they are artists and Drake is interested artistically and helps her with the industry but it just weird.
Millie Bobby Brown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYZPKh74Li8
I can't with this interaction. For one second I was ready to ignore all of the above but this? A 33 year old texting a 15 year old girl that he misses her? and talks about boys? Tf is wrong with people justifying this? People are saying it's innocent but she was 15 and I don't think any grown man should be talking about these things with a 15 year old. Also, Millie posting this https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2018/09/210592/millie-bobby-brown-defends-friendship-with-drake
There is also this thing with Drake and the Kar-jenners and I don't know what to think: https://people.com/tv/kylie-jenner-drake-spending-romantic-time-togethe
https://twitter.com/WizMonifaaa/status/1467919407095681028/photo/4
https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.56014/title.drake-does-damage-control-after-referring-to-kylie-jenner-as-a-side-piece-on-old-song
Drake performed at Kylie's sweet 16:- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWX-I6n-AQg
I wonder why no one is calling this out in light of the overall situation. Do other people observe this too but are they ignoring it? or am I overanalyzing this? I'm honestly not sure if this is predatory behavior at this point or if something is being misinterpreted since Drake is in the spotlight. Drake is a wealthy man, so what is going on with his management? If all that is occurring is coincidental and benign, then why are they allowing this to happen? To be honest, I'm not sure about it. I just wonder what Drake is doing with all these horrible stories coming out of the industry. The narrative around him changed over night it seems even though a lot of this has been known, but many just turned the other cheek.
Taking Drake down is just cutting out one head from hydra & another will likely take his place but what it WILL do is send a message to the higher ups that we aren’t slow & it’s just a matter of time until the truth comes out & people will have to face the music.

My sister (39) and I have a birthday party for our 12 year old niece this weekend. My sister says she may not come because our other sister scheduled the party during my sisters sons (2) nap time.
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous she’d miss the party because of nap time. Adjust your schedule for one day in my opinion but I dont know I don’t have kids.
WIBTA if I tell her she’s being pretentious?

I had a revelation this morning, and it may sound strange but it has been a huge blessing, a lifting of spiritual oppression.
I have been lamenting my father's rejection for two years now, ever since he told me he doesn't like to speak with me. I've struggled with feeling guilt, shame, unworthiness, abandonment, etc. This morning I practiced more deeply than I ever have accepting that my father lied to me and doesn't want my company. But then I realized...
My dad never claimed to like me! (Ok, that's the part that sounds strange or bad to most people, but is a huge relief to me, because) which means in that regard he never lied to me! That is so powerful to me in a bizarrely comforting way because it's obvious he loves me even though he doesn't like me. There are plenty of people in the universe I wouldn't be friends with even though I strive to love every single one of them. This just happens to be my earthly father.
And this revelation moves me into an acceptance of reality rather than an acceptance of fiction, which I had been inadvertently practicing before. And boy oh boy, if God has taught me anything it's that accepting reality is infinitely better than accepting fiction.
Thank you, Lord, for this dose of beautiful clarity, and very well-timed for Father's Day and his birthday.
(Note: the evidence for his loving me and the evidence for his not liking me are abundant and overwhelming, so there's no need for third-party challenges to these conclusions.)
I no longer feel rejected because nothing really changed. He didn't one day like me and the next day dislike me. He and I just aren't meant to be friends - different personalities, different interests, different views, etc.
If I were to tell myself my father rejected me, then logically I'd have to claim that every single person who doesn't want to be my friend also rejects me - including plenty of people who love me in one way or another.
And that worldview is both depressing and false, a whisper of my enemy, the father of lies.

I had a revelation this morning, and it may sound strange but it has been a huge blessing, a lifting of spiritual oppression.
I have been lamenting my father's rejection for two years now, ever since he told me he doesn't like to speak with me. I've struggled with feeling guilt, shame, unworthiness, abandonment, etc. This morning I practiced more deeply than I ever have accepting that my father lied to me and doesn't want my company. But then I realized...
My dad never claimed to like me! (Ok, that's the part that sounds strange or bad to most people, but is a huge relief to me, because) which means in that regard he never lied to me! That is so powerful to me in a bizarrely comforting way because it's obvious he loves me even though he doesn't like me. There are plenty of people in the universe I wouldn't be friends with even though I strive to love every single one of them. This just happens to be my earthly father.
And this revelation moves me into an acceptance of reality rather than an acceptance of fiction, which I had been inadvertently practicing before. And boy oh boy, if God has taught me anything it's that accepting reality is infinitely better than accepting fiction.
Thank you, Lord, for this dose of beautiful clarity, and very well-timed for Father's Day and his birthday.
(Note: the evidence for his loving me and the evidence for his not liking me are abundant and overwhelming, so there's no need for third-party challenges to these conclusions.)
I no longer feel rejected because nothing really changed. He didn't one day like me and the next day dislike me. He and I just aren't meant to be friends - different personalities, different interests, different views, etc.
If I were to tell myself my father rejected me, then logically I'd have to claim that every single person who doesn't want to be my friend also rejects me - including plenty of people who love me in one way or another.
And that worldview is both depressing and false, a whisper of my enemy, the father of lies.

I asked my mom for something for my birthday and she gave a list of things I'll need to do to get that. Most of the things on the list are pretty tame like 'go to tuition everyday' 'complete holiday hw' etc etc but one thing is that I need to have a birthday party with my school friends this year. The problem is that I only have just one actual friend from school.
I had 3 other friends but I don't fuck with them anymore. One friend has a god complex (she thinks she is makima and light yagami and often tries shitty manipulation tactics on me like one second she'll love bomb me and then call me an ugly rat) My second friend was a childhood friend but we just grew apart and have different interests now so hanging out with them feels very forced. My third friend was disloyal so I don't like talking to them anymore cause self respect
Help what do I do 😭 I can't have a party with just one friend

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