https://www.rte.ie/brainstorm/2024/0530/1451490-ireland-homeownership-millennials-investment/
O’Sullivan compares the costs of owning (with a mortgage) to renting over 30 years.
Owning: she claims this will cost EUR600,000 over 30 years - approx. EUR20,000 per year. Since you are left with an illiquid asset worth around EUR400,000, the net cost is 200,000. Going into retirement, you need not pay rent.
Renting: to make the maths work, she claims renting at EUR1,000 per month for 30 years with no other costs could leave the renter with a pension worth EUR400,000. This is a more liquid asset, but the renter must continue to pay rent.
My take: the author has completely disregarded inflation and the time value of money. This is perhaps excusable in a popular piece for RTE, though it greatly distorts the analysis. Even allowing for this, I think there are important details left out. The monthly cost of a mortgage is fixed, rent is not. In 1994, one could rent a 3 bed house in Drumcondra for £95 per week, or approx. EUR500 per month. A similar house would cost at least EUR2,000 now. So the cost of rental increased fourfold over 30 years (in nominal terms). Here's a link where I found the £95 figure:
https://www.thejournal.ie/rent-1990s-different-times-better-cheaper-more-money-1968583-Mar2015/
Accepting that one was lucky enough to find a 3-bed house to rent for EUR1,000 and that the cost of rent increased fourfold over 30 years. Rental costs would be in excess of EUR700,000, approx. EUR100,000 more expensive than the cost of purchasing the home outright. Landlords use rental income to cover the cost of their mortgage and also expect to turn some profit, so rents are always higher than mortgage repayments. This is the more likely outcome for a lifetime renter, leaving them poorer than the homeowner, as they go into retirement, still needing to pay for accommodation every month.
Astonishingly bad analysis by the author. Apparently she's a lecturer in accounting at TUD - you'd expect better from someone teaching this stuff. (It'd be bad form to reference the EUR10 million hole in TUD's budget here, but I can't resist.)
Someone's going to mention rent pressure zones, or inflation, or time value of money. Yes - I kept it simple. In reality the EUR1000 rent is too low. The analysis will come out in favour of home ownership almost every time.

Psalm 69:1-36

¹ Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. ² I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. ³ I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. ⁴ Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.
⁵ You, God, know my folly; my guilt is not hidden from you.
⁶ Lord, the Lord Almighty, may those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me; God of Israel, may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me. ⁷ For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face. ⁸ I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children; ⁹ for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me. ¹⁰ When I weep and fast, I must endure scorn; ¹¹ when I put on sackcloth, people make sport of me. ¹² Those who sit at the gate mock me, and I am the song of the drunkards.
¹³ But I pray to you, Lord, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. ¹⁴ Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters. ¹⁵ Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me.
¹⁶ Answer me, Lord, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. ¹⁷ Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble. ¹⁸ Come near and rescue me; deliver me because of my foes.
¹⁹ You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. ²⁰ Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none. ²¹ They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.
²² May the table set before them become a snare; may it become retribution and^\)^b\) a trap. ²³ May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever. ²⁴ Pour out your wrath on them; let your fierce anger overtake them. ²⁵ May their place be deserted; let there be no one to dwell in their tents. ²⁶ For they persecute those you wound and talk about the pain of those you hurt. ²⁷ Charge them with crime upon crime; do not let them share in your salvation. ²⁸ May they be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous.
²⁹ But as for me, afflicted and in pain— may your salvation, God, protect me.
³⁰ I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. ³¹ This will please the Lord more than an ox, more than a bull with its horns and hooves. ³² The poor will see and be glad— you who seek God, may your hearts live! ³³ The Lord hears the needy and does not despise his captive people.
³⁴ Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and all that move in them, ³⁵ for God will save Zion and rebuild the cities of Judah. Then people will settle there and possess it; ³⁶ the children of his servants will inherit it, and those who love his name will dwell there.

Ive been fostering for a few years and have had many dogs that I've had a great joy fostering. However my current foster is special to me and I'm considering adopting him but I'm in a bit of a difficult situation.
I'm currently a college student and go to a school 2 hours away from home. I rent a room in a big house off-campus and our landlord doesn't allow pets. However, I'm considering asking my landlord if they'd be okay with me getting a letter saying that this dog is an emotional support animal so he can live with me. I don't want to force my landlord as I don't want to risk souring the relationship or getting kicked out, so I want to ask first. My current foster dog is a 60 lb, 5 year old Labrador mix. He is really sweet, mellow, and has never peed indoors or even barked. He's fine just hanging out or exploring, so he's very adaptive to whatever is going on.
I'm sure I will be able to handle taking care of a dog while in school and having a dog around makes me happy and helps motivate me to get out of bed. Plus, I'm shy so having a pet as a companion will help me feel more relaxed.
TL, DR: I'm looking for advice on asking my landlord to allow me to adopt my foster dog and to keep him as an ESA

My boyfriend(31M) and I(34F) have been together for over 3 years. We live together and have discussed marriage and starting a family. For the past two years, he has struggled with addiction. For as long as I've known him, he has had an alcohol problem but a series of events at work caused him to eventually start taking pills. At the worst point, he was taking upwards of 10 pills a day.
It caused financial problems and he would tell me he wants to stop taking the pills. After threatening to leave on several occasions, he finally decided to quit and did it cold-turkey. It was a stressful few weeks but we worked through it. Unfortunately he relapsed. I got extremely hurt and angry and wasn't sure how to voice my feelings, so I resorted to hurting him, as I was feeling hurt. I called him a loser and an addict and that he would never change.
We eventually worked it out but then he lost his job. He chose to take that time during unemployment to focus on his sobriety and I couldn't be happier for him. But he was never truly sober. He had cut out the pills but never the liquor, drinking a pint to two pints a day. He was spending all of his unemployment money on liquor and cigarettes, and never contributed to the rent. I voiced my frustrations with him but also felt that I needed to let him have his time. He was still struggling with his addiction and I felt guilty for all the name bashing in the past.
But once his unemployment ran out, he kept coming up with excuses to not find a job. He was smoking weed occasionally so he knew he wouldn't pass a drug screen for a job. His grandmother passed away and he needed to go to Florida to help with the funeral plans. I supported him through everything. I made sure to pay all of our bills and have food on the table. Oftentimes, I would come home from work and he'd still be sleeping, which would cause an argument. I'd resort back to the name-calling, i.e. loser, deadbeat, bum, etc. I always felt bad after the arguments. I love this man with my whole being. I want a life and a future with him but I feel like I was in this alone.
I finally worked up the nerve to leave. He started a new job and called out one day during his first week. I was absolutely livid. It had been almost a year of me paying for all the household expenses, while he focused on getting his life back on track and sober. He told me he was tired. I lost it. Again called him a loser and a deadbeat and no good for nothing. And I left. Went to my parents. Part of me just wanted him to see what it would be like having me gone. Part of me wanted to actually leave. But I love him and I want to work it out.
He now is telling me that it's over. That he's tired of all the emotional and verbal abuse I have forced on him the past 2 years. He's tired of me going to my parents every time we have an argument. He's tired of me confiding in my friends about his addiction. He says we could've worked it out had I stayed, but I chose to leave the house and leave him and go to my parents.
I told him maybe we just need some space and we can come back in a few weeks and figure out what we want, maybe even see a counselor, but he says that he doesn't believe in therapy and just wants to be done.
Now I can't help but feel guilty and ashamed that I left. Perhaps I should've stuck around a little longer and trusted that he would be okay at his job. Perhaps I shouldn't have called him all those names all the time. Perhaps I should've just been there for him.
Tl;dr- addiction and name calling destroy relationship

Hey everyone! I've been in a longterm relationship with my partner (24M) for 6 years and I am in a really tough spot. I am looking for advice from an unbiased group. Sorry for the long post.
I (24F) am a very independent person that is career driven and self motivated. My partner (24M) is a very family oriented and co-dependent person. He also does not know what he wants to do with his life (his words) which leaves him feeling directionless sometimes. None of these are problems at all! It's just where he is at in his life vs. mine.
I have been with my partner since the start of college. He has been my best friend and my rock. We have such a great respect and love for each other and have supported each other though extreme illness, family death and so much more life has thrown our way.
My favorite moments are the ones when we get into silly late night talks that have me laughing till I cry. I feel safe and grounded with him. We can truly tell each other anything and we trust each other with our lives (everything I am saying here we have discussed).
Though we share and enjoy similar interests, there are some differences that cause us to butt heads. Our work and work schedules differ. Our ability to make decisions and timelines of decisions (I a bit more "go with the flow", he need a whole war plan for a lack of better words) cause frustration. Lastly, and the biggest differences, are motivation and independence.
Since graduation, we have been trying to figure out whats next. We lived together in college and are now living at our homes again as he did not find a job once I graduated (he graduated a year before I did and stayed with me at college) and I did not make enough from my job to afford rent for the both of us. Another leading factor as to why we didn't get a place was because there was the potential for me to have to move for work.
For the past +5 years, I have been working really hard to get a stable job in my industry. Working in this industry has been a dream of mine and everything I have done to make this dream a reality has caused me to sacrifice me so much. But I love my work and feel the most me when I am in "boss" mode. I feel I can make a difference where I work and enjoy the hustle.
I had a chance to spend some independent time on-location in my field this past year and fell in love with it! I was able to accomplish so much and managed to make great connections. Since that time, I got an opportunity for stable work that would require me to move.
Before this point, my partner was aware that my career would most likely take me out of state someday. Yet, as far as I was aware from our discussions, he was always up for considering a move if it came down to it. When the opportunity became a reality though, he said "no".
He has never done well with change and said it would be too much for him. He also said that leaving family and stability of his new retail job is a lot, which I understand and don't take lightly. At the same time, I was thrown off because he had never been this direct with me before on this topic until it was right in front of our faces.
While finishing my degree, we had tirelessly tried to compromise to find a way to make this work for both parties. He did not want to leave me so he stayed in our college town after he graduated and got work to support himself. I gave up a high level internship with a major company to maintain my graduation status so we could stay together and he did not have to stay in our college town longer than expected. I worked from home for 2 years and paid for business travel out of my own pocket, allowing us to stay in our current state. But, as time went on, I was not making ground in my field and I was spending more to work than I was making. The sacrifices for my stability were taking a toll.
At this point though, knowing my dream was right in reach, I decided regardless of if he wants to take the journey with me or not, I am going to go for it and move. This means long distance, which is not my first choice (we had done this before when I was really sick and it was not fun).
For several weeks, I have been making plans to move alone. I went apartment hunting and picked an apartment for one person and I had my finances in order. I was ready to go and I was feeling comfortable and almost excited to have that independence that I have not had in a long time. And I almost felt bad about how I felt, maybe a little guilty?
I have shared this with my partner before that his co-dependent nature can feel suffocating at some times. He doesn't have friends he talks to outside of work, he doesn't really leave the house, and I feel I have to motivate him to go out and live life. When I hear phrases like I am “all he has”, or “I am his life”, it feels like a weight, and I feel awful for feeling those things.
Partners should push each other and motivate one another, but I also feel you have to motivate and take care of yourself and he struggles to do that when I am not around.
All this to say, I recently started to feel like I was giving up too much of myself. I felt like I was giving up so much of my dreams to make our relationship work and fit his comfortability.
Back to the present.
After sharing with him that I am going to do this journey myself, he has changed his tune and has said he wants to go with me. When he said this, I should have felt excited, but I felt worried.
I kept thinking, "why don't you feel excited? Why do you feel stressed or frustrated or anxious?” I was honestly so thrown off by my reaction and the emotions that came up. Meanwhile, he was planning what the apartment would look like and talking about all we could do together now that he is going and I felt that suffocating feeling again.
Ultimately, I don't know if him deciding to go felt like a threat to my independence or if I felt upset I had to replan/rethink a move (location, apartment, etc.). It is probably a little bit of both?
I also don't know if I felt like him being there was going to hold me back from the life I wanted to live or even if I had the effort or energy to put into the relationship like he can and will. Because if I can’t, that is not fair to him.
I love him, I am not questioning that. I care for him deeply. He deserves the world. He is the kindest human being I have ever met and cares so much about those around him. I don't know my life without him and I don't want to know my life without him, but I cannot ignore the alarm bells that went off when he shared something that should have made me happy, but didn't.
Is it falling out of love? Does this happen in long-term relationships? Is it just me wanting independence? I am so confused. (Prior to this, my longest relationship was 6ish months).
I don’t want to break things off knowing it could have worked in a new state and ruin something that was really good and ruin something where there was a lot of love. But, I don’t want him to uproot his life, pack up his things and leave his family and stable job if it won’t work out and I cannot give him what he needs. It is a big thing to ask and a decision I don't take lightly.
Maybe we find our footing again like we did when we lived together in college and everything will be ok. Maybe I can help him explore what life has to offer and adventure together. Or, maybe not.
For the first month or two, we have decided I will be living on my own before he moves down so I can get settled.
Overall, this is a stressful situation that has my heart torn in two. Those close to me, family and friends, have opinions on the matter but have been respectful enough to let me do what I think is best for me, and right now, I don’t know what that is. I just don't know where to go from here. Any advice would be helpful.

1. In John 3:16, who is God, and who is his one and only son?

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

1. Who created all things? John 1:1-3

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

1. Did Christ exist after he was born in this world, or he has always been, and it is through him that all humans exist? John 8:48-58

48 The Jews answered him, “Aren’t we right in saying that you are a
Samaritan and demon-possessed?”
49 “I am not possessed by a demon,” said Jesus, “but I honor my
Father and you dishonor me. 50 I am not seeking glory for myself;
but there is one who seeks it, and he is the judge. 51 Very truly I
tell you, whoever obeys my word will never see death.”
52 At this they exclaimed, “Now we know that you are demon-possessed!
Abraham died and so did the prophets, yet you say that whoever obeys
your word will never taste death. 53 Are you greater than our father
Abraham? He died, and so did the prophets. Who do you think you are?”
54 Jesus replied, “If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing. My
Father, whom you claim as your God, is the one who glorifies me. 55
Though you do not know him, I know him. If I said I did not, I would
be a liar like you, but I do know him and obey his word. 56 Your
father Abraham rejoiced at the thought of seeing my day; he saw it
and was glad.”
57 “You are not yet fifty years old,” they said to him, “and you have
seen Abraham!”
58 “Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was
born, I am!”

1. Is Christ God?
   
2. Did Christ come into the world as a man, doing God's will, or as God? John 14:10
   

10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.

1. Did Christ go through the various stages and challenges of life as a man or as God?
   
2. From his childhood, did Christ know that he was God? Mark 10:17-18
   

17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his
knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to
inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except
God alone.

1. Did Christ learn about the Father, and start his fellowship with the Father the same way as every other human would have, by going to Sunday school, studying the scriptures, and doing the will of the Father, until he and the Father had become one?

Luke 2:46
After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
Luke 2:52
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”

1. Who confirmed Jesus Christ as a true child of God, when his will and the Father's will had become one, after doing God's will for a long time? Matthew 3:13-17

13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.
14 But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you,
and do you come to me?”
15 Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this
to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.
16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that
moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending
like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said,
“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

1. Will you also receive a confirmation from the Father in your spirit when your will and the Father's will have become one after doing his will for some time?
   
2. In John 10:10, who is the thief, what does he want, and what does Christ want for every human?
   

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

1. Who gave you life?
   
2. If Satan can make you turn against your Father in Heaven has he stolen you from him?
   
3. In what ways does Satan try to destroy the children of God?
   
4. Will Satan try to kill you if all his attempts fail?
   
5. In what way did Christ expect people to know who he was? John 10:24-25
   

24 The Jews who were there gathered around him, saying, “How long
will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us
plainly.”
25 Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The
works I do in my Father’s name testify about me,

1. Are you *something* because of what you do every day, or what you say that you are?
   
2. How is Christ the way to the Father? John 14:4-6
   

4 You know the way to the place where I am going.” 5 Thomas said to
him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the
way?”
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No
one comes to the Father except through me.

1. What examples did Christ *do* and *teach* humans as the way to become like Christ? (Read the Gospels)
   
2. Can you believe in Christ without practicing his teachings?
   
3. Which examples of Christ are you following now?
   
4. Was Christ willing to forgive the people who had tortured him and hanged him on the cross to die? Luke 23:34
   

34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

1. Which character and mind will be formed in you when you believe in Christ by acting on his word?
   
2. How can Christ be formed in you?
   
3. When you blow air into a balloon and place it on a bucket of water will it float or will it sink?
   
4. When you press the balloon to the bottom of the bucket and you leave it what will happen to the balloon?
   
5. In John 11:20-26, how is Christ the resurrection and the life?
   

20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him,
but Mary stayed at home.
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother
would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you
whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at
the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one
who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever
lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

1. When you do not have the character and mind of Christ can you be resurrected?
   
2. In what way is a person who has become like Christ, like a balloon?
   
3. Through Christ, should there be other Christs?
   
4. Does Christ's resurrection teach humans that when a man has formed Christ in them, they are *capable* of being resurrected, and that resurrection is *possible*?
   
5. Did Christ wish to go through the suffering on the cross, or he went through it because it was the Father's will?
   

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

1. Are you also willing to do the Father's will even when it does not make you happy?
   
2. Did the people of his day find it easy to accept the teachings of Christ, including the disciples?
   
3. Did the disciples believe that Christ would resurrect after his death on the cross? John 20:24-29
   

24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not
with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told
him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put
my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will
not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was
with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among
them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas,
“Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it
into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

1. Did Christ know that for the people to truly believe him he had to give them a sign? Matthew 12:38-39

38 Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him,
“Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”
39 He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign!
But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.

1. What sign would he give them to make them believe?
   
2. If Christ had not died in public, would his resurrection have meant anything to the people of his day?
   
3. If Christ had not resurrected from the dead, would his message have taken deeper roots in the hearts of the people, making them believe that all that he said was true? John 11:25
   

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;

1. When the people believed him after his resurrection were they willing to spread the message to other towns and even die while doing so?
   
2. In what way did the Father use Christ's public humiliation and death on the cross to make Christ's message take deeper roots in the hearts of men after his resurrection, to the point where they were willing to die for it?
   
3. Did the Father use what the Devil had planned for evil, for good, by letting Christ go through public humiliation and death, or did the Father plan to have Christ crucified all along?
   
4. Can humans enter God's kingdom and be saved from darkness if only they will believe in Christ's teachings?
   
5. If the price to pay for Christ's message to be accepted by the people was death by the cross, and later resurrection, was Christ willing to do what it would take by paying the price?
   
6. Did the Father pay the price by giving his very best, his only begotten son?
   
7. Does the Father allowing Christ to go through so much suffering teach humans how far he is willing to go to rescue even the most stubborn human from darkness?
   
8. Does Christ humbling himself even unto death, teach humans how far we must be willing to go to do God's will?
   
9. Can the problem of humans living in darkness, and dying because of it, be solved?
   
10. Is there a price to pay to solve it?
    
11. Are you willing to pay the price?
    
12. Did Christ come to replace the laws of the prophets, or improve upon them and give them their full meaning?
    

Matthew 5:33-37
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Matthew 5:38-39
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
Matthew 19:8-11
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:43-46
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
Matthew 5:27-28
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:17
Don't suppose I came to do away with the Law and the Prophets. I did not come to do away with them, but to give them their full meaning.

1. Does following Christ's teachings mean that you no longer have to obey the law? Matthew 5:19

Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

1. Can you become perfect by following laws alone?
   
2. What is the reason for your answer?
   
3. Do the laws of God cover every aspect of human living and behavior?
   
4. Can you become perfect by following the laws of God and Christ who by taking on human nature also understands you and knows how to deal with the things that stop you from becoming perfect? Matthew 5:20
   

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

1. Did Christ come to start a new religion named after him, or to establish the kingdom of God on earth?
   
2. Where is the kingdom of God on earth? Luke 17:20-21
   

20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God
should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not
with observation:
21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the
kingdom of God is within you.

1. How do you enter God's kingdom?
   
2. Can you enter God's kingdom without submitting yourself to God, daily? Luke 22:42
   

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

1. Did the Jews accept or reject Christ's teachings? John 10:20-21

20 Many of them said, “He is demon-possessed and raving mad. Why
listen to him?”
21 But others said, “These are not the sayings of a man possessed by a
demon. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?”

1. What would happen to Jerusalem shortly after Christ had been taken up into Heaven? Luke 19:41-44

41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it 42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

1. When Christ was about to be crucified, and the women wept for him, why did he say to them "Weep for yourselves"? Luke 23:27-28

27 A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. 28 Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children.

1. What happened to Jerusalem shortly after Christ had been taken up into Heaven?
   
2. If the Jews had accepted Christ's message would the Romans have destroyed their cities and temples and killed so many of them?
   
3. If all men accept God as their Father, will they treat each other as brothers and sisters, or as foreigners and enemies? John 4:7-9
   

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will
you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy
food.)
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan
woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate
with Samaritans.)

1. If all men accept each other as brothers and sisters, will they continue to fight each other or allow the peace of God to reign on earth?
   
2. What is a parable?
   
3. What is the parable of the tenants? Luke 20:9-19
   

9 He went on to tell the people this parable: “A man planted a
vineyard, rented it to some farmers and went away for a long time.
10 At harvest time he sent a servant to the tenants so they would give
him some of the fruit of the vineyard. But the tenants beat him and
sent him away empty-handed. 11 He sent another servant, but that one
also they beat and treated shamefully and sent away empty-handed. 12
He sent still a third, and they wounded him and threw him out.
13 “Then the owner of the vineyard said, ‘What shall I do? I will send
my son, whom I love; perhaps they will respect him.’
14 “But when the tenants saw him, they talked the matter over. ‘This
is the heir,’ they said. ‘Let’s kill him, and the inheritance will be
ours.’ 15 So they threw him out of the vineyard and killed him.
“What then will the owner of the vineyard do to them? 16 He will come
and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others.”
When the people heard this, they said, “God forbid!”
17 Jesus looked directly at them and asked, “Then what is the meaning
of that which is written:
“‘The stone the builders rejected has become the
cornerstone’?
18 Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone
on whom it falls will be crushed.”
19 The teachers of the law and the chief priests looked for a way to
arrest him immediately, because they knew he had spoken this parable
against them. But they were afraid of the people.

1. What does the vineyard represent in the parable?
   
2. Who is the owner of the vineyard?
   
3. Who are the tenants? Matthew 23:29-35
   

29 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You
build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the
righteous. 30 And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our
ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the
blood of the prophets.’ 31 So you testify against yourselves that you
are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Go ahead,
then, and complete what your ancestors started!
33 “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being
condemned to hell? 34 Therefore I am sending you prophets and sages
and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will
flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35 And so upon
you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth,
from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of
Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.

1. In what ways did the tenants beat and treat the servants shamefully?
   
2. What is the fruit of the vineyard?
   
3. Who were the servants sent to the vineyard to collect the fruits of the vineyard?
   
4. Who was the son sent to collect the vineyard's fruits?
   
5. Did Christ come into the world to be humiliated and killed or to draw men into the Father's kingdom by his teachings and lifestyle?
   
6. Was Christ sacrificed or betrayed and murdered? Acts 7:52-53
   

52 Was there any prophet that your ancestors did not persecute? They killed God's messengers, who long ago announced the coming of his righteous Servant. And now you have betrayed and murdered him. 53 You are the ones who received God's law, that was handed down by angels—yet you have not obeyed it!”

1. What is the harvest, and who are the laborers? Matthew 9:35-38

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

1. Was Christ able to forgive sins before he was crucified? Matthew 9:2-7

2 Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus
saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins
are forgiven.”
3 At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This
fellow is blaspheming!”
4 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil
thoughts in your hearts? 5 Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are
forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? 6 But I want you to know
that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he
said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” 7
Then the man got up and went home.

1. Did humans have to spill the blood of Christ to be forgiven of their sins?
   
2. In what way does Christ take away the sin of the world? John 1:29
   

The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!

1. In what way did Christ fulfill the prophecy of Isaiah in Isaiah 53:4? Matthew 8:14-17

14 When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law
lying in bed with a fever. 15 He touched her hand and the fever left
her, and she got up and began to wait on him.
16 When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to
him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.
17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:
“He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.”

1. What is the story of the woman caught in adultery? John 8:1-11

8 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people
gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of
the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They
made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this
woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded
us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this
question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his
finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and
said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to
throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the
ground.
9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older
ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing
there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they?
Has no one condemned you?”
11 “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave
your life of sin.”

1. Was it possible for humans to stop sinning before Christ was crucified? John 8:11
   
2. How do you stop sinning?
   
3. Was Christ able to teach all that he wanted to before he was taken up into Heaven? John 16:12
   

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.

1. How did Christ know that the people could not bear all that he had to say to them? John 3:1-12

3 Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of
the Jewish ruling council. 2 He came to Jesus at night and said,
“Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no
one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom
of God unless they are born
again.”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked.
“Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be
born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the
kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh
gives birth to flesh, but the
Spirit gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be
surprised at my saying,
‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it
pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from
or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the
Spirit.”
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not
understand these things? 11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what
we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do
not accept our testimony. 12 I have spoken to you of earthly things
and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of
heavenly things?

1. Who will continue his work after he has been taken up into Heaven? John 16:13

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

1. While on earth why did Christ call himself the Son of Man? Matthew 8:20

“And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’”

1. Is human experience already in God from the beginning, or is human experience obtained by living like a human?
   
2. Did Christ rule over our universe after creating it, or did he wait until he had first put on human nature, thereby becoming both Son of God and Son of Man? Matthew 28:16-18
   

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

1. Who gave Christ all authority?
   
2. What did Christ have after his resurrection, that he did not have before his crucifixion? Matthew 28:18
   

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

1. What could go wrong if Christ ruled our universe after creating it, without first putting on human nature?
   
2. What can go wrong when you try advancing a child when you have never been a child before?
   
3. In Matthew 23:11 why does the Father (through Christ) say
   

The greatest among you must be a servant.

1. Would Christ use his authority over Man, fairly, if he had not first obtained a human experience, and known what it was like to be human?

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Luke 5:21-22
21 The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, “Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

22 Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?

1. If God himself goes through the proper way to assume authority, should humans also learn to do things the proper way?
   
2. Did Christ live his life on earth by seeking the will of the Father and doing it? John 6:38
   

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.

1. Should humans also spend their lives seeking the will of God and doing it?
   
2. Was Christ able to fulfill the law? Matthew 5:17
   

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

1. Is Christ able to help you fulfill the law as well?

In November of 2020 I bought a 1968 Shasta camper in pretty good condition.
I bought it because I was tired of tent camping, I wanted to do more longer trips with partner and dogs especially out of state.
But, shortly after buying the camper, partner had a major leg injury in spring of 2021 and then that following spring (of 2022) got surgery. All in all, from the time of the injury to the full recovery was almost 2 years.
Needless to say, the camper mostly sat. It got used twice in 2021, once in 2022 and once in 2023.
I live in Philly, where owning a car isn't necessary and sometimes disadvantageous. I've had 3 cars since 2019, all I bought for 6k or less and all had their catyltic converters stolen. The camper also sits in a lot outside the city because it's cheaper (though I did just recently find a spot for 99/mo).
I decided to go car free entirely last year. So when we took the camper for a 4 day trip, the ONLY car rental that I found allows towing was Enterprise.
It cost me close to $600. And it was a ridiculous behemoth of a truck. That is just not suitable for doing at any frequency.
And back in March, partner and I split up.
Here are the options I think I have-

• Sell It
  
• Move it to the spot in the city where I can at least check on it frequently (this is about 10 min from my house)
  
• Keep it stored and use it sporadically
  
• Have to invest in another vehicle to actually use it more frequently
  
• use out occasionally but rent it out to people to use
  

Losing this camper is sad for me. I had a lot of hopes and expectations. But timing of things and all the other logistics have made it more difficult. It's such a unique camper though, I feel I will never find it again. Perhaps I'm holding on to promise that will never really come. Or maybe with some more time things will unfold positively.
Not a lot of work has had to be done on it. But I have had to pay for it to be stored. I feel foolish for being "that guy" who invested in "a money pit" but it's also hard to let it go when I feel like I barely got to use it.
What do you think, people of Reddit?

For context: I’m 31F, my partner “P” (stepsons legal father on his birth certificate but not biological) 37M, my stepson 14M “S”, my oldest son “L” (9M) and youngest son 5M “O” (has epilepsy and autism) from my previous marriage, and my daughters “R” 3F and “M” 1F with P all lived in the same house since January 13th 2023. S came to live with us right before I got custody of L. In the beginning it was great! We all got along and we all had fun and enjoyed each other.
March of 2023 S started acting out I’m at home. I’m a SAHM and P works full time and his schedule isn’t normally the same when he gets home. He works as a master mechanic for a major company and also does side work. Usually I’m home when S got off the bus and P always asked me to make sure S got his homework done. I’d ask him if he had homework and he’s always say no so I never checked because he had decent grades. Come to find out he lied more than 75% of the time about having homework. So since I was home it was my job to make sure he got it done. I was told to look at his school laptop and make sure he got it all done. When this started he began getting an attitude with me every single time I asked about it and checked.
As the year progressed he got more and more verbal towards me about his work and I’d tell P and he’d talk to S and afterwards he’d be fine for a day or so then go right back to being mean.
During summer break I’d ask him for help, like moving furniture to clean with me or picking up dog poop or take the trash out or put the dishes away, very basic things. He always found an excuse for getting out of it either being a bathroom trip that lasted 30 minutes or so or just straight up ignoring me and call me names and say I was a bad mom because I couldn’t do them. Again I’d talk to P and same outcome. My hair started to fall out from stress and I had no voice for 7 weeks from anxiety. I had to go see a therapist who diagnosed me severe anxiety and moderate depression and made me start taking medication which helped. Because of everything I’d have to tell P during the day because of S being mean or rude to me and the other kids it interfered with his job. We almost broke up.
2023 he started high school. Until September he went to all his classes and then started skipping with the wrong kind of people. He went off campus so many times we had to put a tracker in his backpack and I’d have to watch him on my phone to call the school if he wasn’t there. Because of online applications for his school I got a notification every time he wasn’t in class or was late or left without asking. So I’d call him and tell him to go to class and so would P. I caught him smoking in the parking lot and even picked him up from a local park where he was skipping and brought him back to the school.
All of the instances I had to bring R and M with me because I have a small circle and they all work days and so I can’t take them to them.
In October his verbal abuse was so bad to me in front of my kids that one day I yelled back at him and he started screaming at me “what the fuck are you gonna do about it!? You fucking gay loving freak fucking me dad!” And came at me and so I had to defend myself (2nd degree black belt) to get him away from me. When P showed up he said it was my fault and I even apologized for what I did even though if I wouldn’t have he would have hurt me. S was fine other than his ego. We almost broke up.
In December he physically bullied another student and robbed him, which is a very serious federal offense. He was charged and put on parole. In January he went back from break and was doing good for about a week before he started skipping again. His doctors adjusted his meds (ADHD, ODD, and something else I can’t remember) and he started to do better again but still in February is was getting bad again. I’d have to go find him because P was working.
S blamed me for everything that was happening. He’d lose privileges because of his behavior towards me that P set down. He wasn’t given the can money we take in for extra cash because he been so cruel to me with his words and actions by P. P and I both agreed he shouldn’t get a job because they would fire him fast because he has no work ethic. He isn’t allowed sugar because he gets a little more off the rail than normal. He could ride his dirt bike because he was so mean to me by P.
He had his phone privileges taken away because he was just playing on it in class and stole L’s switch and played on that also. P asked me to put a password on it so he could only use it for emergency calls if he needed it. He ended up retrieving his passwords and putting a new one in without us knowing. When we found out we put a different one in and changed some settings so he couldn’t get the password back or it would wipe the phone.
Before he left for school one day I went to check his location on his phone and it didn’t show up. So when P handed it to me to check it had been wiped. He made a new account for it and don’t tell us. P got mad and broke the phone and had an altercation with because of this, he was mad that he just wasn’t getting it and snapped. S ended up not going to school that day and stacked bricks in our backyard all day, his parole officer approved of it. S blames me for it.
Things quieted down except for him not hearing anything I say until the last month of school where he was skipping again. His parole officer was angry and told him if he didn’t do the bare minimum that everyone single adult is asking him to do in his life he will make sure he doesn’t leave the state for any reason. His mother lives in Florida and we had thought about going down there for him to visit. He still didn’t listen.
His mother and grandmother are defending him to the point of enabling him and blaming us also for his behavior. He also lies to them about us saying we beat him all the time or play mind games with him. He gaslit me for the past 12+ months, lied to my face, called all the horrible names, and even bullied L and denied it and makes fun of people with special needs like O. They just let him and it kills me that someone would let their kid be mean like that.
The last week of school at 9:30 in the morning he pulled a knife out on another student that he stole out of Ps truck. He refused to walk out of the school with me and instead got escorted out in cuffs by two police officers. If he would have walked out with me that wouldn’t have happened. He went to juvenile jail and just got out but the judge refused to let him be released back to P because he doesn’t want the kids to get hurt more than they already are from his behavior. P is devastated but puts on a face for it. The judge said he had to go back to Florida with his mother and not get in trouble for 2 years for anything at all and they’d expunge his record. S blames me for that also.
He blames me for letting the cops take him, he blames me for “letting him” get the knife, he stole it. He blames me for literally everything. I had done every single thing P wanted me to do for him. I would tell P in absolute detail what had transpired when it happened and S hated me for it. I had to record it most of the time otherwise he’d lie abut it to make me look like a monster and he’s a victim. He even said he knew he treated me horrible and didn’t care.
My family went to see him tonight so we all could say our goodbyes and he wouldn’t look at meat all and walked away when I was trying to talk to him to clear up some air before he left. I left in tears because I just wanted to wish him luck and hope he does better and he wouldn’t even hear me out.
When we got home I was sad and quiet. I had said to M she needs a change and P thought I was talking to him and mocked me making a mumbling noise and I snapped at him “you aren’t the only one that’s sad and you don’t have to be so mean about it!” And he just made quick cutting short remarks to me the rest of the night like how the freezer was open a little (it was my fault on accident) and other like that. He just went to bed and is currently sleeping what sounds very soundly.
I cried while I was putting M down for bedtime and tried to be quiet. I feel so damn guilty. S blames me for everything. His grades, his chores not getting done, his online access, his phone, his Xbox… his friends, his problems with P…. I’ll admit I called him a bully when he was being one to my kids and it really stung him but he needed it to stop and I have to protect my kids… I’ll admit I’ve had to slap him 3 times total to get him to stop yelling at me and verbally attacking me. I’ve had conversations over and over again with P about how he is still a child and cannot talk to me that way.
He was so terrible to the kids and me so why the hell do I feel so badly about him leaving? And why do I feel like it’s my fault? He won’t help himself. We gave him everything single little thing he needed to do better with his choices and didn’t.
Please any advice would be very much appreciated….

Hey folks, after re-watching the gameplay overview I had some ideas I wanted to share.
Edit: I only wanted initially to share the first few ideas but I started rambling and decided to keep going lol, most of these are just throwing random ideas at the wall and I don't expect them to be implemented at all but thought it'd be fun to share them for the sake of discussion. Enjoy.
1: train station or bus stop - used to travel to different neighbourhoods or "Districts" it takes time to reach different districts so a Para will basically vanish for like an hour or more once they enter the train or bus before they emerge at another district.
2: Districts - Given our Paras will likely be living in a city, it makes sense there are different districts that offer different kinds of work. Jobs in these districts have different benefits and drawbacks like being higher paying but more stressful or offer benefits but can effect a Para's health. For example, a business district where corporate offices are, an industrial district or an agricultural district on the outskirts of the city.
3: benefits and drawbacks of location - we all want to live within a quick walking distance from work (or at least we want out Paras to do so) however I feel like there should be benefits and drawbacks for this in equal measure. For example. To live in the business district, rent/apartment prices are through the roof, so if your Para is a run of the mill office drone they're gonna need to commute, but an executive or CEO lives in their business district luxury apartment or even penthouse (either paying the high rent or as a perk of the job). The industrial district is cheap as dirt but rife with crime where Paras would be rightfully hesitant to go outside at night. The agricultural district isnt cheap but is affordable with wide open spaces and clean air allowing for Paras to farm, earning thrir own money but services available in the inner city aren't available there. So no ordering pizza for dinner and your Para better get some self-reliance skills cos the repair workers are days away, not minutes or hours and emergency services are hours away.
4: crime - crime irl isn't just break-ins in the dead of night, you might get a group of thieves breaking into your house in the middle of the day when your Para's vehicle isn't present so they think they're gone. They break in by either picking the door lock if you remembered to lock it or by throwing a rock through the window or glass door. As well as this you might get mugged while out at night, so investing in some pepper spray and security glass windows and doors (or if you can't afford that, multi-lock doors and barred windows) if you live in a bad part of town.
5: effects on Paras like drunkenness - your Para just got a promotion! Time to par-tay! Go out to the local bar, get sloshed, make a fool of yourself on the dance floor, make out with a stranger and stumble home in the early hours of the morning, your Para's inhibitions are gone meaning not only are there more interactions to have with other Paras and objects in the world (which, if they're not similarly sloshed won't appreciate it one bit) but your Paras become harder to control, if you give them a command but either it takes too long for them to get to the location of the command or something catches their eye they'll cancel it and do something else, making the stumble home an adventure in and of itself! But having another Para to lean on makes it a lot more manageable. However the next day brings the hangover, when they wake up all stats are reduced to 1 and they slowly get them back throughout the day to simulate a hangover. Coffee can speed this up. The embarrassment though? There's no quick and easy fix for that. Especially if your Para hooked up and must make the morning walk of shame.
6: police - Police should be more than just "show up and beat up the burglar" if an item was stolen you should be able to make a report, the longer the time between the item's theft reduces the % chance the police will be able to recover it, if you report it directly after it was taken and your Para saw the thief, you have a 90% chance to get it back, but if you left it for a day and didn't see the thief, it's 5%. Also if your neighbour is being a loud jerk blasting music all night when your Para needs to be at work in the morning, you could call in a noise complaint.
7: cardboard boxes at the start - during the gameplay reveal it showed a brand new Para with a bunch of boxes around their apartment, this got me thinking of how they could be utilised. I figured they could actually be sorta like semi-randomised low cost items to furnish your house with the only parameters being that they give you the basics you need to start a life like a bed, wardrobe, a table, a chair for each household Para, a fridge, oven, cabinet, toilet and shower + a few random items like a bookcase and a couple rugs. All very cheap variants, the logic being that these are all cheap second hand items that tend to be mismatched, encouraging players to do away with them as needed.
8: haunting - if Paras after death can haunt a place, let's not make then Sims ghosts but make the place of their remains generally "haunted" those with traits that don't make them immune to supernatural paranoia start getting, well, paranoid like they're constantly being watched, small items will occasionally fall off shelves and tables in the dead of night, random footsteps could be heard again in the dead of night, shadowy figures might appear and vanish in dark areas, closed doors could swing open etc... Paras who are effected by such things will need to pick up the urns of dead Paras and take them to a cemetery or contact an exorcist to drive the ghost from their house. Which, on that note....
9: Cemeteries - Cemetaries should start off as a largely empty lot save for the grave keeper's house/office, in-world reason being that this is a newly established cemetery as the old one is full. Loved ones aren't inturred simply by taking the urn out of the Para's inventory and putting them on the ground, instead the Para takes them to the grave keeper who for a fee will take them off the Para's hands and ask them when they'd like the funeral to be held. Post-funeral can include a wake which is like a party but loud music and alcohol are severely frowned upon and as long as such taboos aren't breached the party's rating (if there is such a thing) will by default be "it was OK, 5/10" and can be increased by offering food and drinks.
10: Schooling - we should be able to enroll toddlers into pre-school and there should be a way to get our kids into private or boarding school. Preschool gives your toddler basic social and logical skills as well as freeing up your adult Paras to go back to work and it's cheaper than a nanny. Private school, while expensive, gives your children both more skills and the friends they make are the children of bosses around the city, giving them a massive leg-up if they go to work for their friend's parent's company and giving your adult Paras a way to get to meet their children's friend's parents too which can likewise give them a big career boost too. Boarding school gives the highest skill gain in areas you select depending on the school you send them too and your Para's children's friends are the creme of the crop, the children of the most elite, if your Para is in business, their kid is rubbing shoulders with the children of the CEO and basically guarantees their career will shoot up at least a few levels almost immediately and before long they'll be on the board of directors. You know what they say, it's not what you know it's who you know. But remember, getting your kid into a private boarding school costs several hundred $$$ a day. You won't be able to afford it on a Barrista's salary.
11: A bad crowd - your Para might take on a... less civil path in life, a life of crime. Starting out as a petty thief or street thug, their life is one of high risk and high reward. This line of "work" isn't gained through a newspaper but through 2 ways. 1: you find the local crime boss and ask for a chance to prove yourself in which case they'll tell you to rough up or steal from a wealthy Para in town or 2: you make connections after being arrested while in prison. After you get out you may get a call from a fellow former inmate saying "hey I hear you know (inmate name) and he says you're a good guy, come down to (location) we may have work for you". The life of crime is one of high risk and high reward, the rich looking guy you shake down on his morning stroll might net you a few thousand in one go but you run the risk of getting pepper sprayed which effects you until you wash it out or getting arrested or even worse, of failing the boss. Ignoring or failing a task from the boss carries with it a heavy burden of risk, however you can become an informant and if you succeed in getting incriminating Intel on the boss and telling the police you may go into witness protection. What's that? You get put in a random new town with a new name, you keep your skills and money but your old connections, your job, your most prized possessions etc... are all gone.
12: job qualifications - as my irl uncle says "get them Quals, son!" The jobs you can get with no qualifications to your name are typically low paying, low demand jobs with not much room for advancement and after all expenses are taken care of, not a great amount left for spending. You might get higher pay for working night shift but that's not where the real money is to be found, for that you need qualifications for jobs with the potential to advance and make something of yourself! For this you need to go to either community college or college/university. While community college would give you the qualifications and skills needed for higher paying jobs with less stress like as a tradesman or being able to start your own business (doing so is not expected at launch), college/university opens the door to the high life of extremely high paying jobs (starting at the ground level) from business CEOs to jobs in media and more. While I have zero expectation of these things being implemented on launch, they could be off-map sites or rabbit holes until then.
13: story progression - last and certainly far from least, I wanna see the world grow and change around my Para, for other Paras to at least give the illusion that they're living their own lives separate from my household's, I want my para's friends and neighbours to be having kids, getting promotions or switching jobs, for some of my Para's childhood friends to wind up in prison or making bank or being the chef at their favorite restaurant. The last thing we want to see is a stagnant neighbourhood where a Para's best friend when they were a child becomes their grandchild's best friend without them aging a day.
Phew, that's about it, what do you guys think?

Salaam everyone,
I was going to write this post irregardless to the women who thought from my previous post I was mysognatic, playing into stereotypes, and “using my personal issues” to feed into this all.
Again just like my previous post, I mean no offense to anyone, and will be writing this more on a personal level as I can resonate a lot more and it’s not a rant like my previous post, and aimed at all you hardworking women out there trying to do what’s right, (yes this will be based on what I have heard, seen, have thought, and experiences).
I 29(f) am a counsellor here in the uk. Things are tough for us all. Especially us women.
All we do is look around and see, the hatred. Everyday you wake up, every day you are torn. You do not even see it coming. But all u know is that bitter taste in your mouth, that permanent scorn on your face, and the mental weight burdening you, it’s too heavy to lift. There’s anger there. It’s suffocating you, nawing at you. And maybe if you weren’t so busy being tired from the children driving you crazy, or the fact trying to do all the chores, or arranging for all the things needed in the house, or keeping family ties, or your 9-5 job and your salah, you would feel the moment it started growing.
In fact YOU KNOW, the moment it started growing. He was sitting there, trying you. Doing those gross habits you told him to stop. That you didn’t like. And he continued.
It’s like he’s a child with no understanding of basics. But he pushes ur boundaries. CONTINOUSLY. Like a stubborn child you can not get through too. In one ear and out the other.
If it weren’t for you needing the roof over your head, you would probably run a mile. If only you had known before you got married. But u tried. Each time u tried, u did ur sabr. U tried to please Allah. U tried to do the Islamic thing. And you continue to do so everyday, you take care of things. But ur exhausted! Why are u not allowed to rest? Why are u not allowed to enjoy? Everyday is like a never ending day of exhaustion and chores.
U tried to approach him, but he doesn’t want to know. U try tell him ur unhappy, and he’s either too busy on his phone/console, sitting there doing nothing, or just being an extra piece of getting in the way with his “helping”. You swear to Allah that he does it intentionally, when u ask, so u never ask again. Or the constant never ending list of “oh but u didn’t do this, or that, u forgot this, u need to sort this out….”
He has no accountability for anything. Half the things you do, he doesn’t even REALISE NEEDS DOING. He thinks the magic fairy comes and stocks up the clothes, or changes the bed sheets, he has no idea.
You Cook, clean, got to work, take care of the children, entertain them, try to get them to listen but they do not want to know. But their father - he can never do no wrong. You ask him to get involved and he either tells u to do it urself or he gets involved and as usual makes things worse with his “helping”.
For the love of Allah, what is wrong with him?
You go to him again, and try to tell him something is not right, but he’s huffing or eye rolling or WORST still his half listening, cos u are not worth 5 mins of undivided attention. And that if you see him. Otherwise he’s always out the house. Always doing what HE wants. It’s eating away at you. You didn’t sign up to this, if Allah decreed that man should be the provider then why am I the one doing all the dogs work? Why am I carrying the 90% of the hard work? If not all? This is worse than being alone. Being single. At least when you’re alone or single, you do not have to feel so alone.
So you decide to make yourself happy. You try to reach out to those around u, or see if any other woman feels like how you do. You read the comments “women are not traditional, women are this, and the other” your annoyed, Of course anything goes wrong “it’s always the woman fault… they always good digger or there always the bad ones” these men, they have no regard for anything and it’s not just your husband. They have no accountability to their nasty actions to US. No. They are always critising instead. Always put more work on your back like your nothing more then just a donkey. They do not even care to help, to listen, to understand! Your alone, and to them, your always the enemy unless they need something. So vile. Never a word of thank u. Let alone wanting to spend time. U don’t even know why you’re trying as hard anymore. He doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t even care.
So you find solace in the moments of your work. But they are there too. Men. Again you’re being told about how useless, and how horrible us women are. Let’s see them give birth or go through child birth, I bet then the whole world would hear about it. Poor them and their never ending emotions. And that’s IF he bothers talking to you. But you enjoy ur work, nonetheless. It’s supposed to be for you, what you want. But still ur exhausted, worried about the bills too.
Then it starts, him making your life hard. “Islam says this and Islam says that….” But why the hell should I listen to him when he’s preaching what he does not even practise?. He can’t even show me kindness, or love, yet HE is critising me or accusing me of things. I’ve achieved more than him, and he is nothing but a weak man.
You scream back at him, the same things you been repeating for years, and then he has the nerve to call you “emotional and irrational”.
You had a bad day at work, and you’re exhausted, but there’s so much to do, so much to catch up on, and all you wanted was a hug, that you know you never receive, some love, a moment of peace to yourself and some rest! SOME RELIEF. But can he even give that to you? No.
You hate him. You are like a single parent with an extra child to look after who does not even pull his weight! No accountability, no responsibility! And all you do is try and try and is that taken into consideration? Of course not! Your the one “whose supposed to be Islamically perfect, your not allowed to be human and make mistakes or have need or wants, or anything else!” That’s what they all tell you, “your the one who needs to raise above it cos your the woman” BUT YOUR ALREADY DOING EVERYTHING SINGLE HANDED! You are providing also, you are raising the kids, you are in effective doing everything, but him? At a moments notices he’s out the house or “needs his down time” like YOU don’t need the same thing doing both duties!
What do u get in return for ur efforts? Loneliness! What do u get in return? Hatred & harshness! Not even treated like a person let alone anything else! You’re so angry!
It’s so easy to be consumed by the bitterness of this world especially when ur treated by the one you love with such harshness. So Sisters, out there I hope this helps, may not all you can relate too but in some way I hope you do. We are often left with so much burden, so much anger so much lack of appreciation due to men not opening up, critising us, demanding unreal expectation from us, and then on top, of that being shown no mercy!
For the brothers, STOP TREATING THE SISTER LIKE THEIR EMOTIONS ARE WEAPON COS OF THEIR GENDER AND STOP WITH THE LACK OF MERCY!
Allah made women from your rib, for you to do your responsibility too, but irregardless to whether u provide, women are also having to provide these days too, that should be acknowledged and accepted that it’s hard to live on a 1 person income. Do not demand from them “basic duties” when u feel like it especially regarding children and chores, when u urself are not doing ur basics by showing your love to your spouse, communicating it, and be merciful towards her needs and feelings.
Marriage is about compromise and it’s about shared responsibility and about putting the other persons need first, whether u are man or woman. We are all human! We all need the same basic things in our life, and just as men need emotional support so do women! In fact the way women understand more is THREW emotion! Stop using Islam when u feel like it, and stop being uncompromising on basic things! Today’s society is hard to live by traditional standards but we are all doing our best! Putting women in boxes of “traditional and non traditional” is not fair! Women are told to marry a man “who is god fearing and good character” in Islam Men marry women for 4 different reasons! So the reasons you married her show her and appreciate her! Men are a very trying test for us women (as we are to you!) and you can be very difficult and very pity and judgemental when u choose to be for a person who is saracrifing for you everyday!
Remember she was not put here solely to please just you! She is human being with her own needs, wants and desires Allah gave her, stop diminishing, degrading, breaking her down and putting her down for her best efforts!!!! Sisters Allah sees all your efforts and you are not alone, inshallah may Allah grant all you hard working wife’s and mothers many blesses for you always trying.
And treat them “with love and mercy” We are all human!!! And those looking to get married - PLEASE BARE THIS IN MIND. RESENTMENT BREEDS QUICK AND FAST IN MARRIAGE! AVOID THIS.
Go home and give your spouse a hug, tell them hon love them, appreciate their efforts even if for the sake of Allah, and praise them!!!! May Allah grant us all a successful happy marriage.
Emotional neglect is not part of Islam, neither for women or men. But emphasis is put on women in the Quran for a reason, u need to lead by example!
For those of you who have not read my first post related for men, and their frustrating and perspections on marriage - https://www.reddit.com/MuslimMarriage/s/laG2aqGZP2 Yes I know I’m not gonna be taken well, but this post was only about certain types of women that men seem to end up having to deal with or society pushes that “all women are like this”.

“She Made the Salad”
Memoirs of Kathryn Robinson Knight
Dedicated to her Descendants
Summer of 2020
My mom and dad were married after he returned to Auburn following the First World War. Dad’s official name was Carey Carslile Robinson, but we called him “Cackey.” He was an Army First Lieutenant in the U.S. Army Infantry at the time. He referred to himself as a foot soldier and always kept his service in the Reserves up to date and remained on inactive duty.
Cackey’s first job was Line Coach at Auburn. He and my mom “ran away” after the GA Tech – Auburn game in Atlanta. She was eighteen; he was twenty-four years old. (This is the story I was told, but the dates may be off!)
After his football career, my father was Athletic Director at Mercer University in Macon, GA. My sister, Suzanne, was born there in 1924. He was later Athletic Director at Birmingham Southern, which is where I was born in 1930.
Our family later moved sixty miles to Alexander City, where Dad bought the Ford franchise car dealership. My mother’s family had the same business in Opelika; my dad’s brothers had a franchise in Kansas. So, we have always been in the car business – General Motors, Chrysler, Cadillac, etc.
It was in “Alex City” that I started school and also began dance instruction in 1935. In 1940 my dad was recalled to active duty and was promoted to Captain and sent to Columbia, SC, where Fort Jackson is located – U.S. Artillery Headquarters.
War was anticipated, and Pearl Harbor was attacked on December 7, 1941. “A day that will live in infamy.” My dad was Provost Marshall (Head of Military Police.) In 1940 there were 10,000 soldiers at Camp Jackson. After 1941, the numbers grew to 75,000 men almost overnight.
What an experience for an eleven-year-old! So many things changed during those three and a half years of war time. It reminds me of the current craziness of today’s world.
Fort Jackson was visited by so many top security people, from President Roosevelt to Churchill and all the generals who came to see the troops in review. My family was allowed to see all this because of my dad’s job. Not many people had this experience.
Many famous people came to entertain the troops, which we also got to see. Entertainers included some of the 40’s greats such as Bob Hope, Tommy Dorsey, Bing Crosby, and Benny Goodman. America at War is something I will never forget! It was in Columbia that I got my very best dance training.
In 1945 we were transferred to Fort Benning, GA. My dad was a Major by then and with the Infantry School at Benning. This was a beautiful place to live! Two historic events took place there. First, when President Roosevelt died in Warm Springs, GA, his body was taken there. His sendoff by train to Washington, DC, was full of pomp and circumstance. Also, a mass celebration occurred at the end of World War II.
In 1947 my father was transferred to Pratt General Hospital in Coral Gables, FL, due to a medical emergency – ruptured gall bladder. Dad, a Lieutenant Colonel by then, retired at that time. My parents decided to stay in Miami Beach until I finished high school in 1948. My last two years were at Miami Senior High.
I went to Florida State University for my freshman year of college, and pledge Delta Delta Delta social sorority. The chapter in Gainesville was new and needed older chapter members to help get it established.
The National Traveling Secretary wanted chapter members from Stetson, University of Miami, and FSU to transfer to UF. There were about ten of us from other schools who agreed to do this, so I transferred to the University of Florida for the remaining years of my college education.
Our group was very close and worked hard for Tri Delt. It was great fun! Our reward was to be allowed to live in the sorority house. Not often is that privilege extended to sophomores.
I majored in elementary education. Dance classes were always part of my life – on the university level and in private studio classes. This was true in both Tallahassee and Gainesville. At that time there was no dance major – too bad!
“Dancing with the Stars”
I started dance in Alexander City at age five and was always involved in a dance program during all of my school years. In Columbia, SC, my serious ballet training began. From ages eleven to fifteen, “class” was every day, and I was a “studio rat” – a group of kids who were always at the studio.
The Foster School of Dance had many students and adults who were members of the Carolina Ballet Company (the regional ballet company.) I was a junior member. Mrs. Foster took three of us to New York during the summer for two years. It was great training and a wonderful experience.
As an Army “brat,” we moved to Fort Benning, and I studied in Columbus, GA. I took dance on weekends in Atlanta. It was at this time that I met Mrs. Dorothy Alexander as a teacher. She later became Artistic Director of the Atlanta Civic Ballet Company. This is still an outstanding company!
They came to Orlando periodically, and I always loved to see them. Later, in Miami, I also found a great teacher. The love of dance never ends.
“Don’t Tell Mom!”
After college, when I married Gordon Oldham in Opelika, AL, and moved to Leesburg in 1952, my dance was put on hold while I raised a family. I managed to substitute teach in Leesburg at Helen St. John’s Studio at Lake Sumter Community College for continuing education classes.
The years spent raising my family will always be remembered as the very best! Raising my three children – Gordon, John, and Carey – was and always will be the greatest joy of my life. All three of my children are Gators now.
During these years I did all the things that were important to life in Leesburg: Junior Women’s Club, Triangle Club, Daughters of the American Revolution, Garden Club, and – always – St. James Episcopal Church work.
In later years, I became involved with Women for Hospice, Heritage Society, LSCC Foundation Board, and the Performing Arts programs. I also assisted Lifestream with social dances for the mental health center.
I was divorced in 1977. In 1978, I married Art Knight (a Seminole!) and acquired another son – Arthur - also a Seminole. That same year I fulfilled a lifelong dream and opened the Kathryn Knight School of Dance studio. The next sixteen years were devoted to teaching many children the love and joy of dance.
Art and I enjoyed living part time in the mountains of Maggie Valley in North Carolina until his death in 2011. We were able to achieve many of our dreams and scratch lots of items off our bucket lists. These included traveling to Alaska, Australia, New Zealand, and my favorite – St. Petersburg, Russia. I was fortunate to attend the ballet Giselle while there, an experience I will always treasure.
Our greatest pleasures came from our ten grandchildren. I now have four great-grandchildren and hopefully anticipate more. I am a three-time cancer survivor and am grateful for each and every day of my life.
https://preview.redd.it/eijsamtjwv3d1.jpg?width=788&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=954fd52d4e8a89f79bee7ee07f5d99cc48c8118d

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Wide-Area-6779
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
Previous BoRU #1, + BoRU 2 originally posted by u/Direct-Caterpillar77
[New Update] - His mistress made him a better husband. I feel nauseous.
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: emotional infidelity, physical assault, verbal abuse, manipulation
Original Post: November 22, 2023
This is a throwaway. I’m just nauseous and want to vent please let me do it here?
Everything changed about 3 years ago and my husband became my dream man. Before that, we suffered a lot in our marriage. After 2 hard pregnancies and PPD my libido was diminished and we fought all the time. After 4 years of dead bedroom we started therapy. I thought that was where the improvement came from.
My husband started paying attention to me. In the beginning I was panicking because whenever he paid me attention before he expected sex but now it felt like he was seeing me as a human being for the first time. He was attentive and caring. Emphatic. He touched and cuddled and kissed me out of the blue, without wanting sex in return. He started helping around the house, bringing me flowers, take out dinners when I work late, planning date nights. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are planned perfectly and I started getting the most beautiful and thoughtful gifts. When we fought, he would come the next day and admitted his wrongs and very accurately (if he was the one in the wrong) something he never did before. He would apologize too when back in the days him apologizing would be a blow to his ego. He said he was happy all the time and lucky to have us as his family. Everything was better and I even got my libido back if not as high as I hoped.
I found their conversation about 5 days ago and I have probably spent over 50 hours reading them. 3 years worth of conversation. He would tell her his woes and she would listen. 99 out of 100 times she sided with me. She taught him about intimacy and how important it is in marriages. The tragically funny part is that he never got angry or offended by her telling him off. Calling him silly, stubborn or at times man baby. Her honesty was brutal and yet he agreed with her. She was the one suggesting all the changes and he would ask her for advice about gifts, traveling and all the beautiful things he did for our family.
He thanks her all the time for helping him turn his miserable home life around, making it tolerable. With all these texts there were the texts between them that are about them like nobody else existed around them. The flirting, sextalk and pictures. The longing to see each other.
He says she is the love of his life every day and that he wishes their circumstances were different. She says the same. They both agree that divorce would ruin their families and that they couldn’t be that selfish. how admirable!
I feel nauseous. My happiness for the past three years was fake. I don’t know what to do. I want to hurt them. I want to expose them and I want to ruin whatever they think is perfect happiness
Hi!
I’m getting chat requests about my comments not being visible. Is this normal? I’m trying to answer you guys. Sorry
Hi again
Since I can’t comment and I can’t answer all the chats I will answer here
I am 35. My husband is 39 we have two children 9&7
She is 40 and she has one child 14. She is in a dead bedroom with her husband too and for 14 years.
The affair is physical too yes but they meet maybe once every month or every other month. She tells my husband that what they feel is probably limerence but that they don’t know it yet because they meet so little. She lives in another city
 
Update - My husband left me after I told his mistress’s husband about their affair.: March 19, 2024 (4 months later)
I was here some weeks ago, with my original post. I finally decided that I really should reach out to the husband of my husband’s mistress. I found him easily and I contacted him. He didn’t believe me at first and was rude about it and told me to go f myself. I hesitated to contact him again to be honest but after a few days I realized that I would too not believe a stranger just popping in my dms accusing my SO of cheating so I recorded my husband’s phone with my phone. Especially the messages where she’s sent explicit photos and stuff. I also went to the contact to show the number. He didn’t answer me the first day then he called me the c-word and blocked me. I thought well then, I have done my part and it’s on him if he believed me or not. Then after a week my husband came home angry and he yelled at me for exposing them. He asked me why I didn’t confront him instead, my problem was with him. I have never seen him yell like this then he packed a bag and left for about a week. I think he’s traveled to her.
When he got home he said that it was over. He said that he has been trying to make me happy for years and he’s done everything a good husband would do but still, nothing was good enough for me. I’ve made him miserable for years and instead of taking it out on him, I chose to hurt a woman and her child. He moved to his parents house and now he’s renting an apartment I have heard that he travels the weeks he doesn’t have the children to be with her and that she’s moving here soon when she gets full custody of her child.
I have not been feeling well at all. He has never spoken to me directly since he left and I haven’t seen him. He adamantly refuses to talk to me. Like I never existed in his life. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this treatment. I hate that they won.
Relevant Comments

So basically your cheating ex is trying to blame you for him cheating. The delusion of cheaters.
You only informed the mistress's husband that she couldn't keep her legs closed to a cold breeze.
He had a right to know. Onwards and upwards.
UpdateMe

OOP He didn’t blame me for anything. He doesn’t care that he cheated. He was only angry that her husband hurt her and her child.
Maybe my post was this convoluted that everyone here is thinking he is trying to put the blame in me? He doesn’t care at all. He just thought that I should have confronted him instead because he was the one who cheated on me.
I told everyone around us what he done and he doesn’t even care

~

Lost-and-dumbfound: The last 3 years of your marriage were a lie. You know that now. Who he is the person he treated you before his affair partner had to convince him to be good to you. He is not a good person.
Do they even really know each other? Like how it is to be around each other on a daily basis. They are genuinely dumb to think the list will stay with 3 kids around plus handling chores and day to day things of life. They have 2 custody battles ahead of them and divorced on top of it.
If he’s angry with you the next time you have to see him, ask him why? He got what he wanted. He wanted to be with her and now he is. So why is he angry that you gave him what you wanted.
It’s probably shame that he’s painted to be a cheater. Not he can’t manipulate the narrative and paint you as the bad person.
If what they won is each other? Let them have each other. They are both awful people so they deserve each other

OOP: He is not angry about the divorce. He is angry I told the husband instead of him because the husband hurt her and her kid

DrNefariousMcFarious: He’s not angry bc of that, he always assumed that if you found out he could gaslight you into thinking that it was somehow your fault or not happening, but by you telling the other husband, there was no getting around it.

OOP: No he is angry about me putting his AP in danger.. he gives zero fucks about staying in our marriage or not. He only was with me to help raise the children and probably wait for her to get rid of her husband. I am not trying to he dramatic here but the soon I realize the truth the better is is for me to move on I think

~

jimmyb1982: You didn't ruin a wife and child's life. The cheating wife did that herself. She deserves everything bad that happens to her. As for your cheating pile of crap? Lawyer up and divorce him. You wl be much happier.

OOP: Nobody deserves to be hurt, especially not children but I didn’t know

inquiryreport: You probably should not have let your MIL in on this idea. Her first reaction is going to be that it will threaten her ability to see the grand kids and her son’s ability to be a father. Even if you think she is on your team have to assume she isn’t.

OOP: Yeah it was a big mistake

OOP Added this comment to a different post
Here
Thanks to u/SinceWayLastMay for these comments adding more context
OOP comments on another post admitting she told him on purpose as an act of revenge:

OOP: I did the same and told the woman’s husband that she was cheating. Purely for revenge too. It didn’t feel good and she ended up in the hospital. It didn’t get the effect I craved either. That my husband would come begging to forgive me. Instead he was repulsed by me especially because she and her kid were hurt because of the revelation.

Commenter: Don’t believe your husband if he says his mistress was abused. It’s the sort of lie he would use just to make you feel guilty. Your husband is a practiced liar, keep in mind that this is likely untrue coming from him.

OOP: Well she was hospitalized so

Commenter: It seems to me that the AP was in an abusive relationship and was preparing her exit strategy. The WP seems done with the marriage and was also preparing to leave. OP exposing the affair put the AP in danger and that seems the reason why WP is so angry and his comment about hurting a women and child. I think he expected her to be angry at him and when exposed confess and get a divorce.instead she hurt the women he loves.
Again this is just an explanation to understand the circumstances. I definitely don't condone cheating and have a rather intense disgust for cheaters. Still food for thought.

OOP: Yes, when her child is old enough because she didn’t want to share custody with her husband. That’s what I gathered from when I was reading their messages
That’s exactly what happened. You wrote it better

 
I want full custody of my children after he went and beat up his mistress’s husband within an inch of his life and ended up in jail.: March 22, 2024
This morning I got a call from my mother in law that my husband has been in jail for the past couple of days and only got out this morning but the charges weren’t dropped. Apparently his mistress and her husband had another altercation last weekend and she ended up hurt again.
Now I want full custody of my children. He is out but charges are not dropped so it will probably lead to some punishment. I don’t know if family court would count this in case I want full custody and supervised visits. My mother in law was hostile when I told her this and she’s one of the people who have supported me so I am expecting some push back. I don’t care.
Adding this comment from the last BoRU for more context
Here
Provided by u/nekocorner
So I went back through OOP's comments and read them completely differently than you did. The comment about AP being in the hospital was in response to someone telling her not to believe her husband just claiming the AP was hurt bc he is a practised liar. There was also this exchange between another commenter and OOP:

Commenter: There are moments when people deserve to be punched in the face. Yes I know I am advocating violence here. [...]

OOP: What a disgusting comment

Commenter: It was in support of you but if that is how you feel, I will happily withdraw it.

OOP: I don’t want support from wife beaters

Commenter: I was talking about your husband deserving to be punched not the mistress. Who says a thing like that.

OOP: Ok sorry I misunderstood you. But she got punched literally so I thought you condoned it . I won’t punch my husband. Nobody is worth me losing my humanity

OOP also has the following comments:

Nobody deserves to be hurt, especially not children but I didn’t know
What a disgusting garbage comment. Nobody deserves to be beaten by their spouse.

And this exchange:
Commenter: Why didn’t you confront him first? Were you simply seeking revenge? Did you get what you wanted?

OOP: Yes I was seeking revenge. No, I expected them to feel ashamed and apologize [emphasis mine]

I think it's worth remembering that we're reading this on a compressed time scale, with all (or "all") the facts before us, but OOP probably got bits and pieces of information, miscommunication, and miscommunicated, herself. It's a little hard to parse bc the two paragraphs aren't as fully connected as you might expect, but my read of this comment

OOP: Yes, when her child is old enough because she didn’t want to share custody with her husband. That’s what I gathered from when I was reading their messages
That’s exactly what happened. You wrote it better

Is that the first paragraph is what she understood from reading the messages between her husband and his AP: that the AP was waiting for the child to be older bc she didn't want to share custody, but didn't know why. The second paragraph, the response to the commenter, is an acknowledgement of what has happened since everything blew up, and her understanding of the situation now, in hindsight.
I also think that her idea of "revenge" was the same thing we see in a lot of these cheater stories - tearful recriminations, begging for forgiveness, etc etc, maybe a little bit of public shaming. That's partly why she repeatedly mentions how "he doesn't care about the divorce, he doesn't care about me telling everybody" etc.
Re: the rough patches in their marriage bit, I gotta say, that sounds a lot like the husband was constantly complaining about OOP to her and other people/family, to the point where she began to believe she was the sole (screeching harpy of a) problem in the marriage. But husband is also someone who: refuses to apologize, is only nice to his wife when he wants sex, and cheats on OOP.
 
He celebrated Mother’s Day with his mistress and her son: May 12, 2024 (2 months later)
Thank you so much for staying in touch and I am so sorry that I cannot answer your dms. I haven’t been active on Reddit and I have received tens of dms every day since my posts. I have been trying to adjust to life as a single mother. It is hard and especially the weeks I don’t have my children. Unfortunately, I could not convince court to give me sole custody even with my husband’s pending legal issues due to him not having any priors. He however succeeded to limit my family’s access citing parental alienation. I am not allowed my children around my family without supervision (MIL). All of this actions are temporary however until we get a court date. He is refusing to meet or talk to me for any reason besides texting about the children.
He is not in jail (for those who are asking) he has no priors so he is out. He will probably not be getting any jail time either but rather parole. Anyway, his mistress has secretly recorded some of the abuse she was getting from her husband and she has sole custody of their child now. She has moved to our city and she and her child are living with my MIL. Yes, MIL and from what I have gathered, she lives with my husband on the days I have the children.
Today I was out with my children and my friend and her children to have mother’s day brunch. I was the happiest I been for months because I got a bouquet of flowers and chocolate that is signed from my children (worlds best mom) and I knew that it was from my husband. Anyway when we arrived to the restaurant, there he was with his mistress and her child. They were celebrating mother’s day too. Her son was sitting between them and she had gift papers and flowers all around her on the table. I froze and wanted to leave but he came and apologized and said that he didn’t mean for this. She was crying and hugging her son. I wanted to faint because my children were so excited to see him and wanted to go inside and eat brunch with their dad. He told our children that it was mommy’s day then he asked me if I wanted her to leave so the children can have lunch with both of us. I just left with the children and took them to McDonald’s instead. He sent me a long text saying how sorry he was and how he wished that he loved me as much as I deserved and that he wished me to find love soon. He doesn’t regret our marriage and hope I don’t either because we got our beautiful children out of it that we need to raise and to not punish them because of what he did. Please let us not let our resentment of each other to spill out on our children. Let us promise to keep them happy and loved. Let us not use them as pawns. I asked him what I lacked that she has. A question that have been living rent free inside my head He said to stop this. This is futile. I insisted and I called him and he answered for the first time in months. I told him I wanted to know. No matter how harsh the truth was I can’t live without knowing. He said Mothing. I lacked nothing and she is not better in any way. He just loves her and loves himself when he is with her. He feels real and genuine happiness with her that he never felt in his entire life. I hang up and he texted I am sorry. This is the truth you asked for. You are not less than. You lack nothing. Please let us give our children the good life they deserve. Don’t hurt them to hurt me
I don’t know what I have done in my previous life to deserve this. The way he was with her. He never looked at me that way not even when we first met. I don’t know how to stop thinking about them. It is in my brain all day. I want full custody of my children and I will fight for it as much as I can. She will never be their step mother. Her custody is not finalized either and hopefully she will have to move back to her city so her husband can have visitation rights and she is out of my life. If my husband wants to move to be with her. My children stay with me.
Relevant Comments
OOP told to be careful around the husband, and asked what his mother thinks

OOP: Well I am not stupid and he can record me all he wants because I was very calm and I genuinely agree that the children come first. Even her child tbh. But I know that she only had emergency custody of hers because of the assault but I know the rules here and she will probably need to move back soon because her husband has right to meet his son. In that case my husband can move away but he can’t have custody because I want a stable home for them. I don’t know why I am getting hate in my dms calling me vindictive.
I am very grateful to you and others who are mentioning that she is coaching him to say things. Of course! How stupid was I not to figure this out. From not talking to me for a second to being all nice and begging me to forgive him and to keep it amicable? Of course it is her. Even mother’s day flowers was probably from her.
MIL is very devastated about what happened and she visits me every day even when the children aren’t home. She said that she had to take her in until she gets her own place. No she is not allowed to meet the children and it is already decided and MIL is making sure this is not the case. I understand that MIL chooses her son but she hasn’t given up on me.
I have talked a lot with mom about what happened and no she doesn’t feel guilty. She said that it was different (of course it is🙄) hers was real love and dad’s ex was very abusive. I don’t know, I don’t believe in karma or anything but she said that she at least understands now how dad’s ex felt. I feel anger because some people win and some lose and I still love him very much. I regret exposing what happened. At least I could have had 4 more years together. And the children would have been a bit older. I regret so much things that I have done in a moment of grief and anger

OOP When told to be careful what she puts in text messages and once again be weary of the mistress

OOP: Thanks. I have been very careful about texting because as I am keeping all the evidence, I am counting on him doing that too. About his mistress, it is less “evil” than that because I was wrong about her recording the abuse. She stole the surveillance her husband had installed around their house to spy on her. MIL told me this today. She is probably hoping for full custody but I know the rules here and he will have right to see his son no matter so the c-word will have to move back sooner or later.
Only them I will be asking for full custody if my husband moves with her to her city because I don’t want a part time father to my children who shows up whenever he pleases. I want stability. He is either a father or not

 

----NEW UPDATE----

When my mother in law told me that my husband’s mistress is leaving him to go back to her husband; I felt I could finally move on from my marriage.: May 25, 2024
It turned out that was exactly my mother in law’s plan. She is a therapist and she used that to “get me to leave her son alone and let him go”. The embarrassing thing is that she almost succeeded. Or should I succeeded? When I heard that his mistress, who he threw me and our marriage for. Who he broke his children home for, left him to go back to her husband, I saw him as a pathetic little man not worth my love. My feelings for him disappeared. I felt that I was finally free and could move on. The man who broke me, has got his karma.
Until I saw him this morning having a picnic at the park with her. His head in her lap and she was playing with his hair. I called my mother in law and started crying asking her why they were still seeing each other. She started begging me to calm down, leave them alone and to not make a scene or try to hurt them. She did it for me. If I thought he was losing I would not see him as a prize and wouldn’t be fixated on winning him back.
Is that really her picture of me? Unstable and vindictive? That I would make a scene or hurt Anyone? Was I hurt? Angry? Broken? Yes! Of course! I have lived through hell this past year and I lost everything that I loved and valued. But the way she is trying to make me sound like I am an unstable psychopath? But why was she right anyway? Why did I get turned off by my husband and finally could let him go in my heart when I heard that his mistress had left him?
I texted him, told him everything. Told him what his mom has done. Told him that I am over him and no longer in love with him and that I wished him happiness. I told him that I never want my mother in law to call or talk to me again. All that’s left now is our children and we need to be the best co parents to them. This will be my last text directed to my husband that I ever sent. I am finally ready to move on.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the co-parenting relationship with her ex

OOP: We have co parenting relationship. They live with us a week each. Since the beginning of the year

Commenter: Did he reply anything to your text? Did he react when they saw you in the park?

OOP: He acted like he didn’t see me. He didn’t answer my text. Maybe he knew already what his mother planned

Commenter: A cheating spouse can really hurt your soul at such a deep level. I'm glad you have decided to start the healing process. The road won't be without some bumps, but in time, you will start to feel better. One day, you'll wake up, and the air will seem cleaner, the sun brighter, and you'll realize you are smiling more.

OOP: I can’t wait to feel that again

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

My boyfriend and I (20 F) have known each other since middle school. We didn't really get to know each other until 9 months ago and officially started dating 5 months ago. We had both recently come out of long term relationships when we met but we fell head over heels for each other. We have never argued, we compromise, and I can honestly say I would marry him tomorrow if I could. I have never had such a healthy relationship before. We are both supportive and whenever something is bothering us we talk. Unfortunately, his mom is starting to cause some issues that might be too big just to talk out.
My boyfriend lost his father almost 3 years ago in a really tragic manner that I don't really want to delve into. It's just important to know his mom is now single and he still lives with her. He is completely independent other than not paying for the rent. He has a steady job, he pays for his own gas and car insurance, and bought his own vehicle and phone. He has a bank account and a credit card. He pays the bills that come from all of those services, as well as clothes and eating out and if he cooks, he usually buys the groceries.
To keep it relatively simple, his mom is extremely stubborn. She really doesn't take no for an answer when she asks him to do something for her, and oversteps a lot. She likes to take credit for things that was all of my boyfriends effort. For example she takes sole credit for his "good driving abilities" because she taught him. She doesn't let him forget how influential she was in that for more than a week. As for being stubborn, she will obviously make him do household chores, but some are just incredibly pointless and aimless. She makes him organize her gardening supplies, clean an already spotless house. (I come from a relatively neat and tidy household but she expects him to mop the entire house every day) Furthermore, my boyfriend is incredibly handy and any car, construction, or electrical problem she has is going to need to be fixed by him. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it has gotten to a point where it is beyond defending.
The pollen where we live is terrible. They have a screened in patio with furniture. His mom has curtains on the inside of the patio. However, in order to keep the pollen out she forced my boyfriend to build an entire outside curtain set made of clear plastic tarp as well as build the curtain racks. He paid for the materials (well over 50 dollars) and she only paid him 25 back. She never pays for any type of maintenance or projects he does for her stating, "living here rent free is enough" Me and my boyfriend had plans that day but they had to be canceled because he couldn't say no to his mom and so I gave in and helped him get the materials and spent all afternoon watching him in the hot sun build these curtains for her. Unfortunately, the theme of her ruining not just his plans, but my plans as well, has become too much for me to overlook. (by the way, the curtains didn't even work and they blew in the wind and pollen still got everywhere, because it's you know, POLLEN. Her reasoning for not using the inside curtains was that she didn't want to get rid of them, to which I said, they are brown just wash them. She didn't understand my answer thinking if pollen was on them they were ruined. Who knows, maybe I am not an expert on pollen but I don't think it deserves for entire curtains to be thrown away. She did not listen to us when we said her idea was, put bluntly, stupid. She went as far as blaming my boyfriend for not doing the curtains correctly.) There are many other smaller instances like this that are honestly so hard to remember with just the sheer quantity of them but it all finally came to a boiling point with this:
My boyfriend, our friend, and I all planned to go to an amusement park together. She had known about this but didn't tell my boyfriend that he needed to take the family dog to the groomers at 8 am until 11 pm the night before we left. We live an hour and thirty minutes from the park and wanted to go to a sit-down breakfast restaurant beforehand. The park opens at 10 and we wanted to arrive somewhere before 10 and at most 10:30. We planned on meeting up at 7:30-7:45. However, we never got to do this as we needed to take his dog. We ended up getting something cheap on the way. The night before we had a civil conversation on the matter. I said it's not fair for her to treat him like that. He replied, she is getting old and is single and I need to do this for her as he is the only "man" left. It turns out, she would be sleeping when we took the dog. She argued since she was picking the dog up and "allowing us" to go to the amusement park, the least my boyfriend could do was drop the dog off and let her sleep. She made her son, who works over 50 hours a week, change not only his plans, but mine and our friends as well to accommodate her.
I am not saying that my boyfriend does not need to be supportive of his mom. I just get a little upset when he says things like "she's getting old." My parents are 60 and 56, well over 10 years older than his mom. She is not helpless. She has a stable income. She is able bodied. My boyfriend bends and gives to every demand. It ruins not just his plans, but mine and many of our other friends as well. Since I can almost guarantee she will be my future mother-in-law, this type of behavior will just not be tolerated when we are married. I am not trying to be rude or arrogant. I understand that his mother is very important to him but at the end of the day he has a commitment to his future wife and future children. We have talked very in depth on our plans for marriage so I am not being protective or controlling over him. He knows his responsibilities as a husband. He says she will calm down with the chores when he moves out, but I highly doubt that considering how many times she will ruin our dates with her meaningless tasks that "need" to be completed before he can go anywhere. I understand he is a part of the house but he is an adult individual. I would not put it past her to call him up at night, as a married man, to come do something pointless.
So my overall point is, how do I adress the issues with her and with him? He knows it's a problem but he still keeps giving in. How do I make him stand up for himself without having him cut ties all-together, as this is not even a remote possibility?

Washington State. I'm trying to help some elderly folks who live in a 55+ manufactured home/mobile home park. The previous landlord did not enforce park rules and rarely raised rent. The new landlord is raising rent, separating out utilities from rent and placing them on the homeowner, and cracking down on park rules. I read through the park rules and lease and most of this seems legal (lol I'm not a lawyer) but a few things did stand out to me as odd...
I've been trying to google it, mostly as a way to say, "See, X Y and Z isn't allowed so push back against your landlord and if he wont budge, get a lawyer." But some of them are scared... they're on a fixed income and worried about losing their homes and are just scrambling to comply with the new land lord. And then some of them are insisting something is illegal but I dont think it is. Here's some of the issues:
(1) They were given 30 days notice for rent increases but never had to sign anything. This seems legal? But I find it odd as someone who rented apartments and always had to sign when there was a rent increase.
(2) The original lease had utilities included in lot rent. Now garbage and water are the responsibility of the tennant. They were given notice but the lease was not updated and no one had to sign anything.
(3) The landlord is requiring updates/repairs to the homes and giving 30 days to complete the repairs... Some of these are major things like fixing the damaged concrete parking spot for their home, replacing the front steps/porch, or repainting the whole house. Most of the repairs are in line with park rules regarding "home appearance", but some of them are not. Like one woman was told to remove her lawn ornaments because they were excessive but the park rules dont say anything about lawn ornaments. But then the landlord said he updated the park rules a while ago but no one was given the updated rules. Not important, but I just want to note that the park looked very nice even before the crack down on park rules. Lawns were mowed. Hedges were trimmed. Paint jobs were good, just some usual weathering.
Is this stuff worth going to a lawyer for? We have a lot of community members that are pitching in to help get things fixed in 30 days but there are just so many changes and everything goes out as a notice but as far as I can tell, the tenants are not getting updated leases or park rules.

my spouse and i are on our 20s and will be vacationing on the big island. i picked the last week of september because i love shoulder season, the pacific is (marginally) warmest in late summeearly fall, and iron man isn't until late october this year. the big island has been on my list for awhile because i have been to maui, kauai, and oahu and i need to do a night scuba with the mantas. we like a go go go style itinerary with a heavy emphasis on unique nature things, are able-bodied but not the most fit, and like nice restaurants but don't eat raw fish. we also like to frontload trips with more busy days in the first half and more chill days in the second half. would love everyone's feedback! warning, long post incoming :)
tldr

• land in kona & immediately take northern route to hilo
  
• 1 night at the grand naniloa doubletree in hilo
  
• 2 nights at a guesthouse in volcano
  
• saddle road to west side w/mauna kea on the way
  
• 5 nights at the westin hapuna beach
  

day 0 (friday) - land at KOA and drive the northern route to hilo

• nonstop flight lands at 12:05pm in kona, pick up national rental car, get on the road immediately. we travel carryon only so i'm hoping if the flight is on time we'll be out of there by 1pm.
  
• 1.5hr drive to waipio valley lookout
  
• hamakua coast: stop in honokaa for lunch, lookout point at laupahoehoe beach, and akaka falls if it's still light out. i know this is pretty optimistic, the main goal here is the scenic drive.
  
• spend 1 night at the naniloa doubletree (booked for free with hilton points)
  

day 1 (saturday) - hilo

• hilo saturday farmer's market, eat enough to tide us over til dinner
  
• hawaii tropical botanical garden
  
• akaka falls if we missed it the previous day
  
• kaumana cave--allowing myself a few hours here because i know i'll love it
  
• rainbow falls if we have the time, if not i think i'm okay missing this one. already planning on skipping pe’ep’e falls & boiling pot.
  
• richardson state beach park in the late afternoon/sunset time bc we are hoping to see turtles. not planning on spending hours here, just a nice walk along the beach and putting our feet in the water.
  
• dinner at moon & turtle, or pineapples if i can't get a reservation
  
• drive up to volcano, spend night 1 of 2 at a guesthouse i found on booking.com
  

day 2 (sunday) - volcano national park

• 10min drive into national park, park in the nahuku parking lot arriving by 5am (first light around 4:45am & sunrise at 5:45)
  
• kilauea iki trail + 0.5mi ish detour to kupina'i pali (waldron ledge). very excited for this at sunrise.
  
• thurston lava tube after 8am when the lights come on
  
• chain of craters road: first is 3 crater lookout points, then skip the puuhuluhulu hike, then 4 more lookouts, then puuloa petroglyphs hike, then holei sea arch lookout. i'm expecting 4ish hours to go down to the end & back? and will bring snacks.
  
• quick stop at the visitor center, should be able to fit that in before it closes at 5
  
• dunch (we love late lunch/early dinner) at the volcano house restaurant
  
• head back to guesthouse & rest for a few hours
  
• go back to the park after 7pm to do thurston lava tube again but in the dark this time :) and some stargazing on the chain of craters road if we're lucky enough to have clear skies.
  
• night 2 of 2 at the guesthouse
  

day 3 (monday) - a little more volcano national park & travel to west side with mauna kea on the way - this day is ambitious but (imo) doable

• another early morning, arriving at the steam vents parking lot by 5am
  
• wahinekapu (steam bluffs) & ha'akulamanu (sulphur banks) hike, planning to go a little further west than that trail map. i saw a few comments on this sub about how cool the steam vents are with the sunrise so i'm excited for that.
  
• kilauea overlook
  
• head back to guesthouse to freshen up, eat breakfast, and check out
  
• drive 30min down to punalu'u black sand beach and spend a few hours there, i plan on snorkeling if the water is nice but mostly lounging & spotting turtles. each some snacks from the vendors, leave by 3 or so.
  
• long 2hr drive up to mauna kea visitor center, arriving between 530-6 (daylight until 6:15, fully night by 7:30). enjoy the sunset with picnic dinner & stargaze at the visitor center. decided against going up to the summit, see notes at the very bottom of this post if you’re interested.
  
• 1hr drive to the westin hapuna beach (booked mostly on marriott points), check in, and spend night 1 of 5 there. i'm very excited about this hotel, i see lots of raving reviews about hapuna beach & mauna kea beach next door, and it seems this resort is much more chill & has less kids than anywhere in waikoloa.
  

day 4 (tuesday) - last super busy day - boat diving & mantas!

• 45min drive down to kona harbor (honokohau harbor) for a 2-tank morning dive with kona diving company. chose them because of the reported small boat size & they apparently try to be the first to arrive and last to leave at garden eel cove for the mantas.
  
• long lunch at harbor house
  
• 2-tank manta night dive! still with kona diving company. i'm like so psyched for this guys.
  
• drive back up to hapuna, dinner probably at one of the hotel restaurants. spend night 2 of 5 at the westin hapuna. note my spouse doesn't dive so we'll be splitting up this day, me going down to dive and him having a relaxing day at the hotel.
  

day 5 (wednesday) - chill day at mauna kea beach & manta snorkel

• sleep tf in after 4 straight busy days
  
• spend the day at hapuna beach & mauna kea beach swimming/snorkeling/sunbathing
  
• sunset dinner at Manta restaurant at the mauna kea resort
  
• 8pm manta night snorkel from mauna kea beach with manta ray advocates!
  
• walk back to westin and spend night 3 of 5
  

day 6 (thursday) - shore diving & snorkeling

• 45min drive down to kona harbor again, 2-tank morning shore dive with kona shore divers. spouse will drive down with me and chill at a coffee shop or something, any recommendations?
  
• lunch--recommendations? ok with touristy areas, i need to get my fix of tacky gift shops.
  
• spend a couple hours snorkeling at kahalu'u or magic sands, or two-step if my morning dive trip didn't make it there
  
• drive back up to hotel, chill, then dinner at forc in waimea
  
• night 4 of 5 at westin hapuna
  

day 7 (friday) - kohala coast

• sleep in--won't leave hotel until like 11am at the earliest bc of elevation & diving
  
• quick stop at the mac nut factory to buy souvenirs
  
• drive 45min up the coast to the polulu valley lookout, keeping our options open to hike down but we probably won't feel like it
  
• drive to hawi, look around at all the little shops
  
• dunch at merriman's in waimea. very excited for this, we have been to merriman's on maui and to date it's my spouse's favorite meal of all time.
  
• hang at hapuna beach & watch the sunset, night 5 of 5 at the westin. honestly i'm prob ok skipping everything this day if we need to except merriman's, it's nice to have an extra day where we can go back and do things we missed if we want.
  

day 8 (saturday) - fly home

• last morning walk on the beach if we wake up early enough
  
• drive to KOA & return car by 11:30, noon at the latest (we have tsa precheck & don't check bags)
  
• nonstop flight home leaves at 1:35pm
  

big congratulations if you made it this far! i want to note here the things i'm intentionally skipping to see if i'm making a huge mistake:

• captain cook: i don't like snorkeling tours since we are comfortable snorkeling ourselves and i don't want to do the hike, so since we're doing lots of diving & snorkeling i think it's okay to skip
  
• south point: ok i know if i go there i will jump if the water looks okay. i love heights & love water & love cliff jumping but i am terrified as HELL of that ladder and really think i would have a very hard time getting up it, plus it doesn't fit nicely in my itinerary anywhere so maybe that's a sign i should just skip it and take away the temptation :)
  
• mauna kea summit: i don't want to take a 6-8 hour tour that includes dinner and hot cocoa and transportation from kona and all that jazz, i just want someone to take me to the top lol. i debated renting a 4x4 for the whole week to drive ourselves up but neither of us have ever driven one before and have no offroading experience. we also went to haleakala for sunrise last year & LOVED it, but the mauna kea summit looked similar so that plus all the other reasons i figured it's something we can skip?
  

thank you everyone for reading even if you didn't read the whole thing!!!!

Hello.

Dynamite, April 3rd, 2024

• AEW Tag Team Title Tournament Semi Finals: The Young Bucks Vs Orange Cassidy and Trent Beretta

As Trent Beretta lifts Matt Jackson for a Gotch Style Piledriver, Matt Jackson executes a double leg takedown before catapulting Trent into the exposed turnbuckle. Falling back, nearly unconscious, Trent Beretta finds himself falling over the body of Matt Jackson who rolls him up for a School Boy pin.
1.
2.
3.
The Young Bucks advance in the AEW Tag Team Tournament. The Best Friends are eliminated.
As The Young Bucks tease Trent's mother Sue on the outside, celebrating their victory, the mood inside the ring is much more grim. Chuck Taylor's head is buried in the corner on the opposite side of the ring, Orange Cassidy has rolled underneath the ropes and he looks disappointed. But out of the three best friends, the man who lost the match, Trent Beretta, looks the most devastated by the loss. Bent over, on his knees in the corner, Trent silently berates himself as tag team partner Orange Cassidy helps him to his feet. In a show of good faith, Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy walk to the turnbuckles opposite Trent and prepare to initiate their trademark group hug. A token of friendship that shows the AEW faithful that no matter what, all three men are best friends, and no loss could ever change that.
Trent Beretta retreats to his own corner and throws his arms in the air, ready to embrace his two best friends, when suddenly, he changes his mind and runs full speed at Orange Cassidy, blasting him with a running knee to the head...
They were best friends... until they weren't.

Dynamite at Daily's Place, April 24th, 2024

Orange Cassidy is nowhere to be seen in the last three weeks of AEW programming, however Chuck and Trent have numerous vignettes on Rampage with Chuckie T acting as a mediator for Trent, a sounding board to determine just what the hell happened after that fateful tag match on the 3rd. Trent can't seem to explain himself, but out of several conversations, we know the following.

• Trent was overcome with emotion by the loss.
• He wasn't thinking when he struck Orange Cassidy.
• He was ashamed he lost the match in front of his mother.
• And he is willing to talk things out with Orange Cassidy.

Promotional material for Dynamite at Daily's Place state "The Best Friends Will Hug It Out" as Chuck Taylor, Trent Beretta, and Orange Cassidy are all advertised. Trent and Chuck make their way out to the ring and Trent takes the microphone, reiterating what he has been saying for the last three weeks.
"I've come out here to apologize. I was so angry that I didn't just lose the match, but I lost control of myself. I don't know where my head was, but Orange Cassidy, I did not mean to hurt you. Now, if you would please, I would like to invite you out here so we can hug it out like best friends."
Orange Cassidy's music hits and Chuck Taylor wraps his arm around Trent Beretta's shoulders as "Jane" roars into it's crescendo...
... but Orange Cassidy is nowhere to be seen.
"....okay, I'm just gonna assume you missed your cue, buddy. So let's try this one more time... ladies and gentlemen, Daily's Place, please welcome Orange Cassidy."
"Jane" plays once more but yet again, no Orange Cassidy.
"Damnit, OC, I'm trying to be the bigger man and tell you I'm sorry. Now get your ass out here so I can apologize!"
"Jane" plays one more time.
No Orange Cassidy.
"Chuck, what the hell is this? I come out here in good faith as a favor to YOU. You promised that Orange Cassidy would be here, you promised that I could make this up. But HE can't even bother to show up?? What kind of friend is that?"
Trent slams down his microphone and sulks off to the corner to mild boos from the crowd as Chuck Taylor looks at the microphone at his feet. Trent slowly bends over, picks up the mic and says:
"Hey Trent, maybe Orange Cassidy would be a better friend if you weren't such a piece of...."
Chuck Taylor pauses and looks out at the crowd in Daily's Place before turning back to Trent Beretta.
"SHIT!"
The crowd erupts in cheers as Trent Beretta fumes at Chuck Taylor, then suddenly Trent pounces on Chuck as the two best friends have a catfight in the middle of the ring! Security storms the ring and separates the two, with an official Parking Lot Brawl set between Chuck and Trent at Rampage.

Rampage, April 27th, 2024

• Trent Beretta Vs Chuck Taylor, Parking Lot Brawl

I think everyone here is aware that this match took place in real life and Chuck Taylor has most likely retired. Because of that, I felt this match was important to include in this booking and I'd like to keep it exactly as it was with one small change.
At the end of the match, Trent Beretta smashes Chuck Taylor's ankle with a wrench and the referee determines Chuck Taylor can no longer continue. Trent Beretta's hand is raised as the victor and he begins to walk off as he notices a silhouette in the headlights of a beater. Trent Beretta walks to the driver's side window and looks in, finding Orange Cassidy inside, silently looking on with no trace of emotion.
"This is your fault... This is all your fault, OC. You made me do this."
Trent Beretta then walks away as Orange Cassidy continues to look on, no expression...
No expression.

Dynamite, May 1st, 2024

Don Callis is backstage with Will Ospreay talking about how much he hates subtlety and timing when Trent Beretta approaches him. Trent tells Don Callis that he has thought a lot about his career in the past week and that he is ready to entertain counsel. Trent asks Don Callis to give him a call and then walks off. Don Callis watches Trent walk away and then turns to Will Ospreay.

"Say... where the hell is Orange Cassidy?"

Over the next several weeks, we get a couple vignettes of Don Callis looking for Orange Cassidy in different places all around the world. Double or Nothing comes and goes and there is still no sign of the Citrus Supreme, until....

Dynamite May 29th, 2024

Don Callis looks up at a very normal looking house in Stewartsville, New Jersey.
"Well... this must be the place."
Don Callis knocks on the door and the door gently sways open, not even latched.
"Hello? Orange? Orange Cassidy?"
Don Callis walks inside and finds Orange Cassidy sitting on the couch in his living room.
"Oh my gosh, Orange Cassidy! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"Hey."
"I hope I'm not interrupting, can I talk with you for a few minutes?"
"Sure."
Don Callis and Orange Cassidy sit at Orange Cassidy's kitchen table with a glass of orange juice in front of each of them.
"Thank you for agreeing to talk with me, Orange. I've been wondering, where the hell have you been?"
"Here."
".... we haven't seen you since Trent Beretta stabbed you in the back and kneed you in the face... Just.... How have you been feeling? What's going through your head?"
"Mmm... fine."
".... but what's going through your head?"
"Nothing."
"Listen, Orange, Trent Beretta crushed Chuck Taylor's ankle with a wrench. Chuck Taylor may never walk again, let alone wrestle... these men were your best friends for years. Surely, you must feel something."
Orange Cassidy takes a moment and takes off his sunglasses, looking Don Callis in the eye.
"No."
"No?"
The room is silent with only the ticking of the clock heard.
"What do you mean, Orange?"
Orange Cassidy sighs and puts his sunglasses back on.
"... I guess I never really cared about either of them."
The segment ends with Don Callis looking on in shock at Orange Cassidy's words.

Dynamite June 5th, 2024

Don Callis arrives at the building and he helps Orange Cassidy out of his car. The two make their way to the locker room when Callis is stopped by Will Ospreay.
"Oi, what the bloody hell is this, bruv?"
"William, I got him. I found Orange Cassidy!"
"Blimey, bruv, mate. Why did you bring this bruv, 'ere?"
"William, I'd like to introduce you to...."
Don Callis pulls out a big bouquet of balloons.
"THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE DON CALLIS FAMILY!!!"
"Newest membah? Bruv, I think you've gone mental!"
"William, you don't understand. This man is a cold blooded killer! You saw what Trent did to Chuck in that parking lot brawl? Orange says he didn't feel a thing! This man is a mercenary, a slaughterer, dare I say it...."
Don Callis leans in close to Will Ospreay.
"... an ASSASSIN!"
"Bruv... you must be 'aving a laugh!"
"Oh, believe me, my friend, this man is no laughing matter! And you will see that when he steps in the ring with Serpentico, TONIGHT!"

• Orange Cassidy Vs Serpentico

Orange Cassidy comes out to Don Callis's theme and he has not removed his hands from his pockets. The bell rings and Serpentico charges in with a vicious spin kick that Orange Cassidy did not even attempt to dodge or block. Orange Cassidy falls to the mat and Serpentico, smelling blood in the water, goes up to the top rope for the Senton Bomb! Serpentico goes to leap off....
and his foot slips on the top rope.
Serpentico flies off the top rope and lands with a sickening crash as his body bounces off the top turnbuckle and onto the mat right next to Orange Cassidy. Orange Cassidy looks up and places his hand on Serpentico's chest.
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Orange Cassidy defeats Serpentico.
Angelico, the second half of the Spanish Announce Project, takes to the ring and cuts a bilingual promo.
"Mierda... MIERDA! Orange Cassidy, that decision was bogus and you know it! If you have any guts at all, you will agree to face me in a rematch RIGHT NOW!"
Orange Cassidy has not moved from his position on the mat but simply nods his head yes. Angelico mounts Orange Cassidy and pelts him with punches as the bell rings and this match is official. Angelico lets up and roars out to the crowd before turning his attention back to Orange Cassidy. Angelico lifts Orange Cassidy up for the Fall of the Angels into the corner, but as Angelico goes to run off, Orange Cassidy's foot gets stuck on the top rope of the opposite corner and this catches Angelico off balance. Angelico falls to the mat with the body of Orange Cassidy landing right on top of him.
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Orange Cassidy defeats Angelico.
After the match, Angelico and Serpentico pounce on Orange Cassidy who simply allows himself to be beat on until Kyle Fletcher and a returning Mark Davis of Aussie Open make the save. Aussie Open run off the Spanish Announce Project and hold Orange Cassidy's hands in the air to close the segment.

Dynamite June 12th, 2024

• Orange Cassidy and Aussie Open Vs Rush, Dralistico and Preston Vance

Aussie Open do most of the work and hit their finish on Preston Vance. Kyle Fletcher goes for the pin but Mark Davis stops him and asks him to tag in Orange Cassidy. Kyle Fletcher abides and allows Orange Cassidy to get the pin despite only tagging into the match once at the very end.

Dynamite June 26th, 2024

• Orange Cassidy Vs PAC in a qualifying round for the TNT Title Ladder Match at Forbidden Door

"Alright, Orange, you got him right where you want him. This is the man you beat for the International Title. Not the second time but the first time! You have this in the bag, Orange. Just follow the plan. Just remember the technique."
Orange Cassidy remains still as Don Callis is leaned over his shoulder whispering in his ear.
Orange Cassidy enters the ring to Don Callis's music and stands across the ring from PAC. The bell rings and PAC floors Orange Cassidy with a Superkick and a cover.
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PAC defeats Orange Cassidy.
"Son of a bitch, you almost had him."
"That's it bruv, no more malarkey."
"William, please."
"This bruv couldn't lace my daisy roots."
"William, this man took you to the limit just two years ago at Forbidden Door."
"An' now he cannae make the card! I wouldn't bet a fiver on 'im, bruv. This is ovah, he's not fam, bruv, an' if I see him in the locky again I'll do 'im in, Adam and Eve it."
Will Ospreay leaves the locker room with a despondent Don Callis trying to console an unperturbed Orange Cassidy.

Forbidden Door 2024

Orange Cassidy isn't booked, but you know who is?

• Will Ospreay Vs Swerve Strickland for the AEW World Championship

Ospreay and Swerve have a very good, even match with neither man being able to one-up the other. Don Callis is losing his mind at ringside and nearly melts down as Swerve Strickland plants Will Ospreay with a top rope Superplex. Don Callis begins waving someone down the ramp as if begging for help and suddenly...
Orange Cassidy appears on the stage.
Orange Cassidy very leisurely walks down to ringside as Don Callis continues to wave him on, begging and pleading with Orange Cassidy to do something. By this point, both Ospreay and Swerve are on their feet and trading blows with Swerve getting the better of Ospreay, the first clear cut and decisive momentum shift of the match up. Will Ospreay is on his knees and Don Callis is begging Orange Cassidy to help him as Swerve Strickland is charging up for the House Call. Prince Nana rushes over and begins arguing with Don Callis about what he is doing. Orange Cassidy finally turns to face both men as Swerve runs to hit the ropes...
And Orange Cassidy leans his arm against the apron.
Swerve trips over Cassidy's outstretched arm and OC looks over his shoulder, almost as if to see what it was. Swerve faceplants in the ring and Ospreay springs into action, hooking Swerve in the Double Underhook, lifting him high, and planting him down with the Storm Breaker. Ospreay leaps up and goes to the corner as Swerve struggles to an upright position on his knees. Ospreay points at Orange Cassidy and gives a thumbs up, thumbs down before slicing Swerve's head off with a vicious Hidden Blade.
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Will Ospreay defeats Swerve Strickland to become the new AEW World Champion.

Forbidden Door 2024 Media Scrum

Amidst many "bruvs," Will Ospreay admits that Orange Cassidy is the bangers and mash and states that he is now a full fledged member of the Don Callis Family. Orange Cassidy is seated next to Will Ospreay and takes one question from the media.
"Orange Cassidy, why did you cost Swerve Strickland the AEW World Championship tonight?"
Orange Cassidy ponders the question for a moment before he is interrupted by Don Callis.
"You don't have to answer that."
Orange Cassidy gently takes the mic and brings it to his lips.
"I guess I'm bad now."
Orange Cassidy very faintly raises his hand and gives a halfhearted thumbs down.

Dynamite, July 3rd, 2024

• Orange Cassidy Vs Penta El Zero M

Orange Cassidy is now dressed in black jeans and his Titantron says things such as "Boo me,""Fans suck," "I don't care," and "(about you)."
Penta dominates much of the match up with Orange Cassidy selling throughout and taking big bumps but consistently kicking out at 2. Penta goes for the Fear Factor but referee Aubrey Edwards is too close and she is kicked by Orange Cassidy's foot as Penta lifts him. Penta sets OC back down for a second and OC nails Penta with a low blow while Aubrey's vision is obscured. OC rolls Penta up with the Mouse Trap and scores a quick three count.
Orange Cassidy defeats Penta El Zero M

Dynamite, July 24th, 2024

• Orange Cassidy Vs Katsuyori Shibata

Orange Cassidy and Katsuyori Shibata start off by trading strikes very, very softly. OC boops Shibata's leg with a kick and Shibata returns the favor. Orange Cassidy pushes Shibata's chest and Shibata pushes OC back. Neither man is moved from their original standing position. The hits increase in frequency as OC rears back for the final blow which is a very, very soft kick to the dick. Shibata, uninjured, takes offense and begins lighting OC up for real with a series of hard strikes. OC is knocked down to a seated position and Shibata charges in for the PK but OC lays down then rolls Shibata up for a close two count. Shibata kicks out but rises to a not so soft poke to the eyes by Orange Cassidy who then locks in the Mouse Trap and gains the three count.
Orange Cassidy defeats Katsuyori Shibata.

Dynamite, August 14th, 2024

• Orange Cassidy Vs Daniel Garcia

Orange Cassidy and Daniel Garcia have a lackluster dance off that ends with Orange Cassidy rolling Daniel Garcia up while holding the tights for a three count.
Orange Cassidy defeats Daniel Garcia.
After this match, Orange Cassidy continues to halfheartedly dance in the ring when Swerve Strickland's music hits and Prince Nana appears on the stage. Nana and OC dance back and forth at each other until Swerve decks Orange Cassidy from behind with a House Call.
Swerve takes the mic and says if Orange Cassidy thinks he can take the world title away from Swerve with no repercussion, then OC is sorry mistaken. Swerve challenges Orange Cassidy to a Hardcore match at All In and tells Orange Cassidy that he WILL show up at Wembley because if he doesn't, Swerve knows where he lives thanks to Don Callis and he WILL drag OC to London if he has to.

All In 2024

• Swerve Strickland Vs Orange Cassidy in a Hardcore Match

Swerve Strickland does not need to drag Orange Cassidy to London as Orange Cassidy does make his entrance, but he comes with backup. Aussie Open flank Orange Cassidy on his way to the ring but Swerve meets them out on the ramp and drops Mark Davis with the House Call. Swerve then fights Kyle Fletcher up to the stage as Orange Cassidy continues to nonchalantly walk to the ring. Swerve fights Fletcher in the pit and sets him up on a table before driving him through the table with the Swerve Stomp. Swerve looks to the ring and Orange Cassidy is standing there with his hands in his pockets. Swerve storms the ring and looks under the ring, pulling out two bags of thumbtacks. Swerve enters the ring and tells Orange Cassidy, "Oh, you don't care? I'm boutta make you care," before dumping both bags onto the mat.
The ring is littered with thumbtacks as Swerve dares OC to hit him only to be blindsided by Konosuke Takeshita, who is making a return to AEW after participating in the G1 Climax. Takeshita hits a high knee that knocks Swerve out of the ring
Takeshita brings Swerve over to the Announcer's Desk and clears it off before lifting Swerve onto it. Takeshita draws Swerve up and lifts him for the Brainbuster but Swerve fights out of it and manages to drop Takeshita on the desk with a DDT. Meanwhile, in the ring, Don Callis has handed Orange Cassidy a broom and OC has begun sweeping the thumbtacks out of the ring and to the floor. Swerve sees this and comes into the ring, yanking the broomstick out of OC's hand and breaking it over his knee. Swerve circles OC with the broken broom handle and nearly stabs him but he is stopped by Don Callis who drops Swerve with a low blow. Callis leaves the ring and brings in a steel chair which he hands to Orange Cassidy. OC raises the chair above his head then opens it up, placing it on the mat and sitting in it. Don Callis looks to the heavens and produces a screwdriver from his pocket, ready to impale Swerve Strickland only for Prince Nana to clock Callis from behind with his weighted crown!
Nana rolls out of the ring and we are left with Swerve Strickland standing across from a seated Orange Cassidy. Swerve charges in only for OC to spring up, catch Swerve Strickland, and drop him on the chair with the Beach Break! OC goes into the cover:
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KICKOUT BY SWERVE!
Orange Cassidy looks only slightly disappointed as he slowly rolls out of the ring. OC rummages underneath the ring and produces a steel chain which he wraps around his fist. OC rolls back into the ring as Swerve is painfully trying to stand. OC measures Swerve and leaps in for the Orange Punch but Swerve ducks, catches OC, and drops him with the JML Driver! The crowd is on their feet as Swerve neglects the cover, crawls over to the now destroyed chair, and shoves it into Orange Cassidy's arms before hitting the ropes and delivering a chair-assisted House Call!
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Swerve Strickland defeats Orange Cassidy.

All In Aftermath

All in all, it was a bad night for the Don Callis Family.
Along with Orange Cassidy's loss to Swerve Strickland, AEW World and International Champion Will Ospreay fought Continental Champion Kazuchika Okada to a draw and failed to become a triple crown champion.
However, on the most personal note of all, Kyle Fletcher was injured by Swerve Strickland during the Hardcore match he interfered with.
Kyle Fletcher decided to fight through the injury for a title defense on Dynamite, but he was easy pickings for the new ROH Television champion....
Trent Beretta.
As Don Callis and Mark Davis tended to their fallen family member in the ring, Orange Cassidy looked to the stage at the man he once called friend, holding an heirloom that belongs to his family...
And he determined that something must be done.

All Out 2024

• Orange Cassidy Vs Trent Beretta for the ROH Television Championship

Trent Beretta uncharacteristically makes his way to the ring first for this match up against his former best friend, Orange Cassidy. In the same amount of time that Orange Cassidy has joined the Don Callis Family, Trent Beretta has been listlessly traveling from town to town, wrestling match after match, and he finally pounced on an injured Kyle Fletcher to make himself whole. Now, standing in front of the Chicago crowd, he waits to finally get his hands on the man he feels he should have buried long ago.
Don Callis's music hits, but there is no Orange Cassidy. Trent Beretta grabs the microphone.
"In case you blowhards in Chicago don't know, this is about to be an easy night. This man... hell, he's no man. This deadbeat you call a wrestler is too scared to face me. He doesn't care enough about you people to come out here. He doesn't care enough about this title to come out here, and he doesn't care enough about own best friend to come out here--"
"--there's no way this slacker is going to give you people what you want."

Hi everyone,
I feel really lost. I adopted a mixed breed puppy from a rescue at about 4mo. Pretty immediately she was showing signs of reactivity and hyper fixation and fear. I feel soo over my head and terrified she’s going to be a big reactive dog. I’ve hired private trainers who taught us about engage disengage and that’s helped her on walks a LOT. She very quickly can disengage and sometimes is even in unbothered. The problem is our house and yard, when she was 4 months old I let her run around the yard and meet dogs and people passing by. Everything seemed normal and she greeted dogs and people like a normal silly wiggly puppy would. Eventually though, she charged the fence line and barked at a dog, then a person.
I realize I messed up, but I didn’t know any better. Whenever we are in our yard now she’s hyper aware of sounds that sound like dogs. I try to practice training out there with her, but it’s a lot and I’m afraid.
I’m really at the point where I feel like I should return her to the rescue org she came from bc my anxiety is sooo out of control when she is reactive. I’m just scared that I’ll end up with a dog I can control or will have to plan my entire day around avoiding people and dogs which makes me feel sooo depressed.
We can’t hang in our yard peacefully bc there’s a near constant stream of dogs and people walking by, and the yard in on a corner so it’s really hard to see if someone’s coming.
She’s now 6 months and as a last ditch effort to get her to change I started taking her a day care that also does training sessions. Turns out she’s amazing with other dogs and is super playful and rambunctious and can even settle down and chill.
At home though - I can’t have my screen door open without her being on guard of everything.
How do I convince her that it’s not her job to guard the house? I want to see the calm relaxed pup I bring to my friends houses and the dog that plays with other dogs. I don’t want to see a scary dog charging and barking at dogs passing by my house.
Please help bc I feel in sane and don’t know if I can’t take on a dog what will be reactive and scary to be around. Should I come to terms with being unable to care for a receive dog and allow her a chance to find a home with a different yard situation? I feel pulled in a bunch of different directions. I can’t afford $400 a month in training and daycare and I feel stuck. I’m bonded to her but I don’t know what I can handle.

Imagine being so turned off by marriage that you'd rather kill anyone who tries to propose to you then to marry him. Sound like a good plot for a fairy tale?
From the beginning of my life, my mother saw me as a miracle. She had lived a hard life full of tragedy. She had a daughter before I was born but she gave that daughter up to the man who left her to return to his wife. They raised that daughter. Not my mom.
My mom met my dad when she was a dancer at a go-go bar. Not a stripper... but close. He was likely in the middle of a manic episode when he met her. He could be very charming in those painful moments. They married. They honeymooned in Puerto Rico. A few years later, I was born.
I don't think my mother ever knew a single adult life minute where she wasn't in some way affected by mental health problems. Alcohol. Pills. Suicide attempts. Depression. Who knows? She had been in and out of hospitals when I was very young. I spent a lot of time with my dad and my dad's family. 90% of my life my father was the most dependable man on earth. The other 10% of my life he was dependably awful. My mother was a magician and an artist and an actress and a genius. But she was so broken.
She lived broken on and off, finding stability here and there, but never did she ask for me. Never did she raise me. I saw her quite often. I remember visiting her in the very same mental hospital that I wound up staying in this very year. (I doubt it was the same bed. After all there are so few freudians left.)
When I was seven, she seemed to get herself together. She got a job. She got a car. She found an apartment. A one bedroom. Of course. I slept on a couch. It was a cool sectional couch, and she would push the pieces together so that it was like a pen. And I would sleep there. It wasn't uncommon for her to leave me alone in that cushiony pen. I was only there to see her for less than 24 hours. Why would she want to spend all of them with me?
To her, I was brilliant. I was a masterpiece. I was funny. I was smart. I was handsome. I was clever. But I knew not to cry. I knew not to bring her down. I knew that somehow if I showed her any of my own heartache or pain or suffering, she would find some way to turn it into hers. As pretty as she was (It's the first thing everyone says when they see her picture), if you looked carefully at her skin you could see the word guilt written all over it. She carried that with her. How could I dare to make it worse?
No. My pain was saved for my father. I would wake him up in the middle of the night, crying that I missed my mother. It was like a performance that you do in a musical. I would do it over and over again. I almost always performed it the same way but with genuine passion each time. I meant it. My tears were real. I did miss her.
But she was busy living her life. I was her good luck charm. I was the one good thing she'd done. How can I ever show her anything less? She remarried. She was deeply in love and she bought a house and she planted flowers and vegetables and grew a life that eventually came apart. And she came apart again. Again and again. When the stepmother died, the one who abused her and kicked her out after her real father had a heart attack and left the Earth, it definitely ripped her into pieces. Drinking and drinking and drinking. Trying her very best to end her life in the most natural ways. I always knew that I would never be allowed to be the one to fall apart. Not in front of her. I waited.
She moved south so that she could be closer to the belly of the Earth. Florida. She always thought that she could move away from her problems. Of course they trailed behind her like those Mylar birthday balloons.
My story can't be too uncommon, but it doesn't fit the hateful back story that the enemies of narcissist would expect. You see, I had to build a false self because my mother demanded it. She couldn't love me if I was anything like her. It turns out I'm quite a bit like her. I might be shy a few suicide attempts, but I've got my own garden of problems.
But my inner child is so far away. He didn't have a chance. I have pictures of my mother holding me up as a baby like I'm a trophy or a prize or a magic trick.
My mother loved the tenor Luciano Pavarotti. She even went to see him live in concert. I asked her to get me a concert shirt. She did. I wish I still had that shirt. Not too often you can wear a t-shirt with an Italian opera singers name on it. I mentioned a fairy tale at the beginning of this essay. I'm thinking of Puccini's Opera Turandot. The tenor who sings the Aria at the end, Nessun Dorma, challenges the princess who refuses to marry. He is certain that by the morning he will have won her hand. The last note of the song is sung with the word victory. I don't know what idiot first said that narcissists don't cry, or that narcissists don't feel grief, but they've never heard that Aria. I cry. I think of my mother of course. When Pavarotti's voice catches those notes and those breaths and builds towards that last crescendo, and then the orchestra comes in behind him... And if it's alive recording you can hear the crowd rising to its feet and cheering... It's hard not to cry.
I can't seem to undo what she did to me. I can't seem to stop seeing her as the prize. Because when I look at this pictures when she's holding me up, I don't see myself at all. All I see is her beautiful smile. All I see is her perfection. A perfection I did everything I could to support. To love. I ignored all of her flaws and I jumped to my feet whenever she sang that last note. Victory.
Puccini was right. I'm not sleeping tonight. I don't know if I'll ever sleep again.
Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle! Tramontate, stelle! All’alba vincerò! Vincerò! Vincerò!
I don't know what victory is supposed to look like. All I know is that I'm still alive and she's not. And I'm going to play that whole fucking opera over again from the beginning. Until eventually I can't keep my eyes open one second longer.

A couple of people posted about camping in Japan across Reddit, not just JapanTravel or JapanTravelTips.
Camping is allowed in designated areas. Most, if not all, require reservations. Some are free. Some are not. It depends. National Parks have designated camp areas and anything outside those designated camp areas is illegal.
I noticed some would say hide in the wilderness and camp plus to keep a low profile. Um. No. Please don’t do that for the following reasons:

1. Some areas are actually near active volcanos which are dormant for a while. If there is any activity or eruption, you may be in the hot zone. And worse, no one knows you are there.
   
2. Some are riverbeds. They don’t look like riverbeds in the day because there’s a dam nearby. And if the dam releases the water at a certain time on a certain night when one decides to camp there…that’s not good.
   
3. Fire. Most camp sites don’t even allow you to start your own fire possibly since camping is undertaken during summer periods. What the Japanese fear is fire running through the forest and then their houses.
   
4. Risk of landslips during earthquake or rain. Most campsites are selected to reduce the risk of a free live burial from the Japanese mountains.
   
5. Someone’s private land and owners may shoo you off. Most are nice enough not to call the police if you pack up right away but that doesn’t mean you can try their patience.
   

Japan isn’t full of cute sanrio creatures. Wild boars, aggro monkeys and bears are not fun to deal with. Well, the leeches and mosquitoes will thank you for your blood donation. And the black flies will thank you for your flesh. The Asian giant hornets are the biggest a**holes with the mamushi - those pit vipers can kill. They have a kill count every year. and they are very small. The mamushi are known for invading tents for warmth.
At least at campsites, there are some resident managers or occasional patrols may be undertaken for the unmanned ones. You would have some help at hand.
So please don’t go wild camping. Use the designated spots.