Hello!🌈 I'm so happy you stopped by! I'm wanting to find someone(s) who is near and willing to dive into some solid conversations that can be light hearted, funny, enjoyable, interesting, fun and in general worth your time should you be willing to put in the same effort! I have been in the polyam lifestyle for over 5 years, and I am married to my NP. I am a plus size, tall woman whose pronouns are she/they. I have been testing the waters with my non-binary feelings once in a while, but more often than not I'm dressed like Adam Sandler😂 I am pansexual, and I am a stoner. I enjoy reading, mostly smut and self help books! I also enjoy dabbling in different art forms. I also enjoy playing video games and board games. I enjoy watching anime as well, and horror movies. I also enjoy shows like Bridgerton, LetterKenny, Family Guy, etc. The summer time is not my favorite time, however I do enjoy swimming so it's worth the 99 degree weather most days. 😉 I do work from home, and have kind of odd hours, but I do respond rather quickly, or rather when reddit wants to notify me lol. I am in no rush to pursue anything at this point because I do primarily want friendship first before discussing romance and kink. If I have struck your interest please feel free to send me a message!🌻💕✨

I had a best friend in college, roommate codependent best friend. She had a really bad break up leading up to graduation. She was broken. Her drinking became more and more of a thing, she was even more lethargic, sad, not taking care of herself or her things. Not telling her family important things. This was covid times. She just really seemed unmotivated and broken and could not cope. But she was still herself in a way and her drinking while heavy, exhibited the same characteristics she always had when drunk in college. She was not responsive and eventually agitated when we tried to help. We all thought on the basis of the situation that only time would help.
She moves home after school she doesn’t stay for the summer. This was where we got extra concerned because the girl never wanted to go home at all no questions. Come August we all have to move home and we all stay somewhat in touch but there are no new updates or things coming from her really, and no one wanted to ask about the breakup but we did ask how she was and suggest she should go to therapy as her anxiety was growing. She has always had pretty intense physical symptoms of anxiety. I won’t go into detail about the last three times I saw her, but between that summer and now she basically cut everyone off except for another friend that eventually went to rehab herself. This friend I have not reached out to since the last time I saw her. I just feel the dread of hearing the same thing I always hear. The pattern the apologies and then the alcohol breath. The guilt about not being honest or firm with her and getting myself back in the same frustrating sad situation. These are not my first alcoholics.
Sorry basically, my best friend from college I can see she’s is in rehab/sober living. I knew at a time years ago that this was threatened by her parents. I mean damn it was offered its not a bad thing. But she has not talked to me, answered me meaningfully over the past few years, or told me about rehab. Should I send her a letter or maybe just text her that I love and miss her? Or should I just let her do her own thing. I am worried her anxiety will never let her accept that her friends care and still care always cared. She just dropped off she stopped answering she was distant even in person.
I can’t tell if she truly doesn’t want my friendship or if she was just so into being drunk to a certain point that we were hindering that.

I got a friendship bracelet today at one of the afternoon sets at SHEIN with PP💜DE but I have no idea what this means?? I think it's initials but I'm scouring the reddit for clues. Happy Hangout Y'all!

Choosing the best gift for your girlfriend or wife on your anniversary involves considering her tastes, interests, and the significance of your relationship. Here are some thoughtful and personalized ideas to inspire you:

1. Personalized Jewelry

• Why? Jewelry is a classic gift, and personalizing it adds a sentimental touch.
• Examples: Custom-made necklace with her initials or your anniversary date, a bracelet with a meaningful charm, or a ring with an engraved message.

2. A Romantic Getaway

• Why? Quality time together in a beautiful setting can create lasting memories.
• Examples: A weekend at a cozy cabin, a beach resort, or a city you both love. Make sure to plan activities she enjoys.

3. Customized Photo Book or Frame

• Why? It's a heartfelt way to celebrate your journey together.
• Examples: A professionally bound photo book with pictures from your time together or a digital photo frame loaded with your favorite moments.

4. Experience-Based Gifts

• Why? Experiences can be more memorable than material items.
• Examples: Cooking classes, wine tasting, a hot air balloon ride, concert tickets, or a couple’s spa day.

5. Handwritten Love Letters

• Why? A deeply personal and timeless gesture.
• Examples: A beautifully written letter or a series of notes expressing your love and appreciation. Consider placing them in a decorative box or jar for her to open throughout the year.

6. Tech Gadgets

• Why? Practical and often appreciated, especially if she enjoys technology.
• Examples: A smartwatch, a high-quality pair of headphones, or a tablet. Ensure it’s something she’s mentioned wanting.

7. Fashion and Accessories

• Why? A stylish gift she can wear and think of you.
• Examples: A designer handbag, a silk scarf, or a pair of elegant shoes. Choose items that match her style and preferences.

8. Books or Subscription Services

• Why? Perfect for a girlfriend or wife who loves to read or explore new hobbies.
• Examples: A collection of her favorite author’s works, a book subscription service, or a subscription to a monthly box of items related to her interests (e.g., beauty products, gourmet snacks).

9. Art or Home Decor

• Why? Something beautiful for her personal space can be cherished for years.
• Examples: A painting or print by her favorite artist, a custom illustration of a special place, or a piece of unique home decor.

10. DIY Gifts

• Why? Handmade gifts show effort and personal investment.
• Examples: A scrapbook, a knitted item, or a piece of furniture you made yourself. These are especially meaningful because of the time and love you put into creating them.

Tips for Choosing the Best Gift:

• Listen for Clues: Pay attention to hints she may drop about things she likes or wants.
• Consider Her Hobbies: Gifts related to her interests show that you value what she enjoys.
• Make it Personal: The more personal the gift, the more special it will be. Even a simple gift can be extraordinary if it has a personal touch.
• Plan Ahead: Give yourself enough time to choose and prepare the perfect gift. Last-minute purchases can often feel rushed or thoughtless.

Ultimately, the best gift is one that comes from the heart and shows your appreciation and love for her.

So, meet this girl online over a year ago. Just chatted, nothing to it, and occasionally pep each other up.
Lately she's been using more letters in my name, or saying things that I feel like people with crushes would say to each other.
She's also been willingly sending me pics (normal, nothing else) and trusting me with more personal info.
Due to distance and a bit of an age gap and where we're at in life, I never thought to like her romantically. Now I'm beginning to.
tl;dr
I want to ask, but I don't want to ruin the friendship when it's so easy for her to cut me off of I make her feel uncomfortable.
Is it worth asking?

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.
This thread is meant to be a casual place to...
⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)
⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.
⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)
⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or
⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.
We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.
Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)
This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I hope it’s okay to post this here. Maybe someone can give me advice.
Content warning: death/grief, friendship struggles
I lost my mother in law last year. It was extremely unexpected. Saw her one night, she was gone by the morning. Out of everything I have ever experienced (like the childhood abuse & neglect that gave me CPTSD, losing her was the single worst thing to happen to me or my family.
The next few days, I was texting my cousin about it. She was one of my best friends at the time.. she said something a little strange. “Is it hard to be there for him (my husband)? Are you just numb? Or is it hard to feel empathy for him?” I truly don’t understand what she meant. I said no, it has been devastating for me. My MIL was such a big part of our lives, I saw her M-F and sometimes on the weekends…
She left me on read for 2 days. I took it very personally. She lost both her parents, at separate times but within a few years of each other. I figured she’d understand how badly I would need support. Just a person to text… she was out of state so I didn’t expect her to drop by or anything. Just text me… I blocked her. I needed space and I decided to isolate and just be there for my husband. I unblocked her 7 days later and never heard anything since. It’s almost been a year now.
Since then, I’ve grown some. I can rationalize that maybe she was going through something too. But I am still hurt.
I messaged her the other day on Facebook to congratulate her on getting married because I no longer have her number. She never replied. She posted about “a family member”, who I assume is me and how she felt abandoned by someone who said they never would abandon her. And she doesn’t know if she should reply and repair the relationship and “set boundaries” or move on.
I feel like I want to tell her how I feel, and tell her I don’t really want a relationship because it doesn’t seem like she feels she did anything wrong. And just move on. I would never be able to be super close again so what’s the point?
I genuinely am so happy that she seems so happy. But her (often oversharing, public) social media never gave any hint that my absence bothered her.
I want to write a letter or something and just be done with it.

About 2 weeks ago my best friend and housemate got back with her ex boyfriend after 5 months of being broken up. I found out through bumping into the two of them crying outside my bedroom and him not leaving until the following morning. I asked my friend if everything was okay and her last words were basically "don't worry, I'm okay. I love you and I'll tell you everything tomorrow." The following day I heard nothing, just saw them walking down the street arm in arm. After a couple of days of radio silence (not including me hearing the two of them around the house since we live together) she reached out asking to speak to me to explain her situation. I told her I'll be home from work at 6pm and that she'll have an hour to speak to me because I had plans later in the evening. I got home at 6:08 and messaged her immediately to let her know I'm home. I didn't get a response until 7:30 when she messaged me apologizing saying she fell asleep after she laid down on her bed because she was nervous to speak to me and that she would never do it intentionally. I had heard that excuse before when she missed my birthday earlier this year to go to a gig. I was firm and told her I'm busy, feeling stupid after shifting my evening plans around to give her an opportunity to speak to me, just to sit in my room for over an hour waiting for her to respond.
Her return to her ex is a huge shock to me and I never saw it coming. It seemed to me that she understood how toxic the relationship was, it ending with her cheating on him. I initially met her when they were dating the first time around, and quickly learnt that he wasn't a good person or a good partner (misogynistic and controlling). I did my absolute best to support her, and she never failed to tell me that she trusts me and loves me like a sister. I think because I'm a few years older than her and we got close really quickly, I felt protective of her. In hindsight I probably should've set more boundaries.
There have been multiple times over the past 6 months where her life choices and behaviours have worried me, predominantly pertaining to drug use, eating disorders, and selfish behaviours. I recall at least two instances where I've tried to set boundaries and explain to her that I may have to take a step back from the friendship because her behaviours are triggering to me, and whilst she is an adult and will make her own decisions, I need to protect my sanity and not be so involved and available in her life if she doesn't think her behaviours are an issue. All of these instances were followed by her promising she loves me and appreciates me so much and that she's going to change. After the birthday incident she left a bag of gifts outside my bedroom door with a handwritten letter telling me how much she loves me. I cried and forgave her.
Because of all of this, I'm hurting so much more. I don't understand how she can tell me she loves me one day and then the next act like I don't exist and never mattered to her. She's taken me off her "close friends" list on Instagram, and any communication we've had since has been limited to brief texts about bills and household chores. She won't even look at me when I pass her in the kitchen. She's become even more disrespectful about keeping the house clean, promising she'll tidy up in the groupchat but then not doing it and ignoring my messages. I feel like she's being deliberately spiteful; yesterday I woke up to dog poop smeared outside my bedroom where she must've wiped her shoe on the carpet and left it overnight for whatever reason.
I've been in touch with one of her other friends whom she's close with, and he said she's been avoiding any conversation about her boyfriend with him also. I understand that she might be embarrassed to open up to me about it because she knows how poorly I think of the guy, but I don't understand her acting like she's angry with me or like I've done something wrong. Doesn't she understand how much this is hurting me? We've already signed our contracts to live here for another year and the tension in the house is killing me.

About 2 weeks ago my best friend and housemate got back with her ex boyfriend after 5 months of being broken up. I found out through bumping into the two of them crying outside my bedroom and him not leaving until the following morning. I asked my friend if everything was okay and her last words were basically "don't worry, I'm okay. I love you and I'll tell you everything tomorrow." The following day I heard nothing, just saw them walking down the street arm in arm. After a couple of days of radio silence (not including me hearing the two of them around the house since we live together) she reached out asking to speak to me to explain her situation. I told her I'll be home from work at 6pm and that she'll have an hour to speak to me because I had plans later in the evening. I got home at 6:08 and messaged her immediately to let her know I'm home. I didn't get a response until 7:30 when she messaged me apologizing saying she fell asleep after she laid down on her bed because she was nervous to speak to me and that she would never do it intentionally. I had heard that excuse before when she missed my birthday earlier this year to go to a gig. I was firm and told her I'm busy, feeling stupid after shifting my evening plans around to give her an opportunity to speak to me, just to sit in my room for over an hour waiting for her to respond.
Her return to her ex is a huge shock to me and I never saw it coming. It seemed to me that she understood how toxic the relationship was, it ending with her cheating on him. I initially met her when they were dating the first time around, and quickly learnt that he wasn't a good person or a good partner (misogynistic and controlling). I did my absolute best to support her, and she never failed to tell me that she trusts me and loves me like a sister. I think because I'm a few years older than her and we got close really quickly, I felt protective of her. In hindsight I probably should've set more boundaries.
There have been multiple times over the past 6 months where her life choices and behaviours have worried me, predominantly pertaining to drug use, eating disorders, and selfish behaviours. I recall at least two instances where I've tried to set boundaries and explain to her that I may have to take a step back from the friendship because her behaviours are triggering to me, and whilst she is an adult and will make her own decisions, I need to protect my sanity and not be so involved and available in her life if she doesn't think her behaviours are an issue. All of these instances were followed by her promising she loves me and appreciates me so much and that she's going to change. After the birthday incident she left a bag of gifts outside my bedroom door with a handwritten letter telling me how much she loves me. I cried and forgave her.
Because of all of this, I'm hurting so much more. I don't understand how she can tell me she loves me one day and then the next act like I don't exist and never mattered to her. She's taken me off her "close friends" list on Instagram, and any communication we've had since has been limited to brief texts about bills and household chores. She won't even look at me when I pass her in the kitchen. She's become even more disrespectful about keeping the house clean, promising she'll tidy up in the groupchat but then not doing it and ignoring my messages. I feel like she's being deliberately spiteful; yesterday I woke up to dog poop smeared outside my bedroom where she must've wiped her shoe on the carpet and left it overnight for whatever reason.
I've been in touch with one of her other friends whom she's close with, and he said she's been avoiding any conversation about her boyfriend with him also. I understand that she might be embarrassed to open up to me about it because she knows how poorly I think of the guy, but I don't understand her acting like she's angry with me or like I've done something wrong. Doesn't she understand how much this is hurting me? We've already signed our contracts to live here for another year and the tension in the house is killing me.

as the title says, my coworker gave me a really sweet gift today.
i’m leaving for college so i had to take an extended period of time off for work.
she gave me a gift card, some chocolates and candies, and a letter.
i read the letter when i got home and she wrote out how much she will miss me at my workplace, and that i was the key reason that she hadn’t left yet haha. she wrote about how much she valued our friendship that i have made a big impact in her life.
i’m not gonna lie, when i read that letter i cried my eyes out; recently i have been struggling with loneliness and feeling detached from others. the letter was such a suprise and it really, really made me happy to hear that i was someone that is valued and will be missed.
she told me she would like to see me outside of work sometime (as friends), but she has a partner; i think my feelings may get in the way, so i think it’s best to leave this on a high note. in the future though…maybe? who knows.
nonetheless, my heart has been warmed and im feeling happy today, and i wanted to share. does anyone else have any similar stories, or any thoughts? thank you for reading!

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcription Subject: Hileen, Krakotl Fugitive Recovery Agent
Date [standardized human time]: November 28th, 2136
It'd been a while since I sat in Marlig's office for a talk face-to-face. Given the agency's secluded location at the edge of the downtown region, it was a chore to drop by when it wasn't for business, but I'd deemed the matter at hand to be worth my time.
I passed by Nampi at her desk on my way to the door and she gave me a coy glare as I carried on. Trying to ignore her risible ear waggle, I turned the corner to the door with my boss’s name painted on the glass panel where I could hear the frantic crumpling of paper.
Quietly, I entered Marlig's office without prompt as I knew he hated to be spooked by knocking. My mentor was surprisingly spry for a bird at his age, sorting through papers with one wing and an eye while using his talons with the other to set away the papers he had splayed out.
“Hileen!” he chirped. “Glad you could make it in today. I was just finishing up my paperwork. Take a seat.”
It was always nice to hear him drop the professional motif for a more grandfatherly attitude when speaking in person. I did as he suggested and took a seat while he grumbled to himself over the sorting. My eye caught a few of the old contracts he was rifling through and saw that some dated back to his days as an agent.
Eventually, he left some sitting out as he sequestered the rest back into their files, sorted by a dichotomy that only he and Nampi could comprehend fully. He motioned with a wing for me to peruse and I turned the first one to face me to find it was my first contract, signed by me in a sloppy fashion. “This takes me back a couple of years.”
“Slick bastard thought he could get away on a forklift but you showed him! Certainly more exciting than my first day!”
“Mm-hmm. And it was when I nearly got impaled that you had the idea to commission all of us utility vests.”
He chuckled, “I really should’ve done so sooner. Cuts and scratches were already a risk, but a forklift was a new one!”
I flipped through the pages of each report, finding that Marlig's notes were filled with praises of my work. There were highs and lows, but I was flattered to find that the grizzled krakotl held my performance in such high regard.
“Flawless interception!” read one footnote about me catching a runner. “Couldn't have done it better myself!”
Marlig waited patiently as I browsed quickly through each page, realizing more and more how the notes also marked improvements in my work. How I found it easier to talk down a rowdy client, or apprehend them in the case that they were beyond helping on my part. Flowery language plastered most pages with him fawning over my work as a doting father would to his prodigal child.
The trend took a sharp turn as the notes became fewer and more critical the closer the dates reached to the present. I brushed the others aside with a wing to peruse the final paper. “And this…”
“Is Tac. Your latest contract. The most recent in a line of declining performance since the interview. This has become a pattern, Hileen, and its consequences are beginning to reach beyond yourself. Paji and Vesek resigned recently for personal reasons, which leaves us even less hands on deck than before. That's four people to cover the entire municipal region, and maybe even beyond, should needs arise. Three, if we include this little probation I have you on.”
“What was I supposed to do? Marlig, these ‘jobs’ you've got us working on overstep the contracts we were signed on with. Our job is to make sure people obey their court-mandated duties, not drag them off to the facilities ourselves!”
“... So the trip we took to the facilities did bother you.”
A sigh clicked in my throat as he reminded me. “Is that what happens to the people we take in, Marlig? Is that what would've happened to your wife?”
His feathers ruffled.
“That's what happens to those who are too dangerous to the general public to be left roaming free. Not everyone we deal with winds up there, but everyone can be subject to it. Miskela sued for her exoneration and proved in court that she was not diseased. I brought you there to show you how it helps the people, but I see now that it was a mistake. I understand why you were so perturbed, really, but it's how things have been for centuries. It's how we've protected ourselves from the dangers out there.”
“You were willing to let Barsul be interned there, too.”
Marlig flinched and sighed as he swept the papers towards himself once I'd signaled I was done. He turned one eye to me while he sorted them.
“There's no room for favoritism, girl. I negotiated for him to be allowed to walk free, and look where that got me. That boy - your neighbor - suffered the consequences of my nepotism. So too would the girl, had nobody intervened.”
“Like Richard.”
“The human, yes. Or you. Or the police. Where does this sudden obsession with humans come from, anyway? I get notifications of you talking about the acceptance of them all the time on forums.”
“Does it even need explaining?”
“Well, I guess not, no, but it's certainly an about-face from the way you used to talk about them with me beforehand.”
“People can change, for better or worse. Which one I fall under remains to be seen.”
Marlig stroked at the plumage on his neck as he finished his sorting. “I hope it's the former, for your sake. Was there any reason you came to talk, or were you just checking that I hadn't gone senile?”
“Well, I was hoping to borrow your secretary for the evening.”
He perked up while his eyes narrowed and he laced his fingers together with curiosity. “You… want to spend an evening with Nampi?”
“It's not what you're insinuating, but yes.”
“I was insinuating nothing,” he warbled coyly. “Go ahead and take her, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.”
“Pain-in-the-ass geezer. I'll keep in touch if your friend causes any more trouble.”
“Keep in touch regardless. Miskela and I get lonely in our old age,” he called back. “Take care.”
I stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the desk where I could hear the secretary's claws tapping furtively at her keyboard. Nampi sat silently with her ears and tail in a relaxed position that implied a bored demeanor. There was barely any response as I stood before her, waiting politely for her acknowledgment that never came.
Hesitantly, I cleared my throat.
An ear raised in acknowledgement, but her focus remained on the screen of her computer. “Mhm?”
“Do you…?”
Her ear rotated toward me, though she still maintained a passive attitude as she continued to glare mindlessly at the monitor.
“Are you free this evening?”
“Well, I'm quite booked, I believe. Why do you ask?”
I was surprised at her curt, dry tone. She hadn't spoken with me like this since we first got to know one another.
“Well,” I started. “I realized something. Every time we went out, whether it was clubbing, or dinner, or even walking around the parks, you always footed the bill. And so…”
Slowly, her other ear perked up and I saw her keystrokes slow down as she listened in.
“I wanted to return the favor?”
Her lips smacked as she opened her mouth, though paused before she spoke. “How could you possibly do that?”
“With a little gesture of friendship.”
Nampi's horizontal pupil turned up toward me and her tail twitched.
I continued, “So that belt you're wearing? It's the same belt you've worn since we first met. And I know you're the pragmatic type who'd never spend a credit more than she needs to, except for all the times you do"- her ears twitched in indignance -"I wanted to see about getting you a little something… extra?”
Her paws raised from the keyboard and she leaned in, resting her snout on her palms. “Go on.”
The bubbly venlil's tail sold out her collected facade as it twitched with anticipation. She was cornered and she didn't even know it yet.
“Well, I found just the place on the other side of town where we can start. It's a place almost as rich and indulgent as yourself.”
“The Platinum Paw? I mean3”
Her ears folded back in embarrassment as she cracked. She wasn't cut out for acting anyway.
“So that's what it's called! Jeez, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was called. Now what do you say? We go over there and find you something nice—”
I hadn’t even finished my thought before Nampi had grabbed her bag and was out the door, giving me a playful tail flick that said come and get me.

The place I suggested was in a shopping center on the opposite side of town, though easily accessible because of its proximity to the transport rails. Nampi had insisted on grabbing something to eat beforehand and so now gleefully bit into a bundle of stalks that had been “grilled” as explained from the food truck we'd stopped at.
Her tail flicked back and forth with her usual enthusiasm as we entered the massive complex of stores. The roofless plan allowed the natural, orange sun to flood the upper levels while artificial lighting illuminated the ground level wherever the light couldn't reach.
The place was built in the last decade by the previous City Magister in a bid for popularity, though ultimately for naught as he would lose the vote following a scandal involving an iftali priestess and a carved bar of soap. I had to say that despite being sick in the head, he sure had a great sense of decor.
Nampi snacked away, joining me in admiring the scenery as we continued to the place I’d planned out for us. Aimless chatter all melded together into a single, thrumming murmur as pedestrians navigated the many levels and stores offered in the place.
A troupe of children passed by us, held in a chain of tails and arms as they were escorted by a pair of venlil who I assumed were students and teachers on a school trip. I caught a whiff of a sweet, aromatic breeze and found it to come from a perfume shop on the same level as us; naturally, venlil were not to be found inside.
We passed a fountain where a couple sat on the edge, their tails twined together as they giggled and flirted. I turned and caught Nampi watching them as well, though she awkwardly returned to sucking the remains of her meal from her claws when we made eye contact. Her ears lifted when I raised a wing to signal to the store we were going to stop at first.
“Platinum Paw, The Greatest Fashion Emporium For Everyone!”
The title alone was painfully cliche, taken to the tenth power by the brightly lit store taking up three department slots. Despite the flashy exterior, though, it was the best place to shop for belts, brooches, and bracelets alike. Customers who looked like they earned my yearly salary in a week browsed the higher end brands while I brought my friend to the section I wanted to show her.
Her ears were held up as we stood together next to a shelf chock full of fashionable bags and bandoliers of every variety.
“Pick one,” I told her.
Nampi's ears shot to a straight pose in surprise, “Any?”
“Within reason. I've got a few extra credits to blow and I know nobody better to spend it on.”
With an inviting headtilt, I let Nampi peruse the shelves at her leisure. Her lips pursed together and her tail flicked with glee as she fingered at every piece that caught her eye. I chuckled at her outburst of enthusiasm while turning to find my own items to gloss over.
A breeze from outside nipped at my beak while I considered what I’d like to purchase. The place dripped with an atmosphere of faux hospitality, from the bright blue-stained floorboards to the radio prattling off advertisements in a sickeningly sweet tone to the faint, fruity aroma of scented cleaner. It was oppressive as only a fissan-owned company could be to the senses.
What I wouldn’t pay to see how a human would fare in such an environment.
I knew they were social creatures at least, but I had no doubt that the predatory senses of a human, so honed to hunting, would get overstimulated in this center of gaudy indulgence. Knowing I was something of a predator myself made me sympathize provided that even I had to squint to keep the pale lights inside from searing my eyes. I could only imagine how the arboreal eyes of a Terran would fare. I was so lost in thought imagining how lost the Terrans would be that I could almost ignore the obnoxious giggling and metallic rattling coming from behind me.
Risking a peek at the source, into my sight came a pair of venlil, one a male carrying a pair of bags as well as a couple more strapped to his belt. The bored expression in his eyes was not one of a man who was in high spirits. The other venlil was a woman who was the source of the noise.
Her mottled gray pelt was accented by a tasteful belt design, free of almost any practical functions but not flashy or excessive in garnishment either. At least, that’s what I would say, were it not for the braid of beads that dangled on the belt, jingling with each bounce of the lively woman’s stride. It was clear that such a gaudy accessory was intended to draw attention to her, though why was a mystery. Certainly, the shiny braids seemed designed as decoration first and practical second.
She turned about and I faced back to my browsing before she could catch me staring. Nampi was nowhere in sight, though I figured she was somewhere behind the shelf, sifting through every accessory on the section I'd suggested.
Clink.
Something pelted to my immediate right. I tilted my head to spot a tree nut shell clattering to the floor. Without being able to guess where it came from, I had to wonder what could've launched it over this way. Even with my keen eyesight, nobody in the crowd seemed to be a suspect.
Clink.
Another shell pelted my vicinity, ricocheting off of the floor and hitting the shelf I was standing next to. I ruffled my feathers in frustration - clearly, someone was trying to get my attention, though I couldn't make out who it was. Out of the corner of my vision, the woman from before eyed me curiously as I looked about, though I wasn't interested in engaging with her.
Thwack.
One more shell came flying and, unfortunately, the aim on this one was true, nailing me on the beak. Irritated, I stormed out of the store to find the source of the instigator. I scanned over the bodies to find anyone who could've been responsible for this indignity, eventually concluding that it came from the dining area across the walkway.
Whoever was responsible was in for an earful and I was already structuring which of the offender's family members would be acceptable as fodder for stray words. As I approached, I found the tables were mostly empty save for one, which made my heart begin to drop as I met eyes with the only occupant. Suddenly, I was much less inclined to hurl insults.
“Oh, hi there!” Qitel called out in a sickly sweet tone. “Come, take a seat! We have much to discuss!”
The Exterminator clutched a bag of tree nuts in his claws, a pile of discarded shells already gathered on the table next to him. He grabbed another as I approached, effortlessly prying the shell in half between two claws and tossed the contents into his mouth. “Good protein, these,” he commented as I sat down.
“Must be for that good arm you've got there,” I mumbled. I caught sight of a couple of bags beneath his chair, seemingly from one of the tech stores contained within the center.
“Bah, it's guesswork. So how are you? I haven't heard from you since we worked together!”
“I was just spending time with a friend, shopping and enjoying my time off.”
“Your time off? Oh, am I interrupting something?”
His snide tone irked me, though now wasn’t the time for interjections. “You are, Qitel,” I replied with no shortage of vitriol in my tone. “But I see no harm in chatting for a bit.”
“Good, because I have some merchandise”- he reached into his belt pocket and deposited a couple of items onto the table -“and you’re just the person to look into it, human sympathizer.”
I drew a terse breath in shock, but my worries were quelled when I considered that if Qitel had the power to do anything about it, he would’ve done so instead of approaching me so discreetly. A glance down at the item on the table showed that he was presenting what looked to be a tracker as well as a personal drive. “Found in the garbage,” he told me.
“The guild resorts to dumpster diving when they already have such a bloated budget now?”
“No, featherbrain, I have decided to keep this for myself. These items were found together, sealed in a plastic pouch, and placed in a garbage bin. The city has bans against electronics being placed into public bins, and so I was curious why this wound up in there. Managed to get my coworker, a techie, to crack it open and…”
Qitel reached into his belt again, glowering at me with the same condescending gaze he’d given me when I first saw his face. He seemed to revel in digging for the item as slowly as possible to waste my time. Finally, he found whatever he was looking for and revealed it as a printed piece of paper, folded into eighths. The snobby yotul threw the unfurled paper on the table and rolled it toward me.
I craned my neck to look at the parchment, though I was immediately perplexed by the text on it; it appeared to be some sort of form, going by the boxes with words on the inside, followed by blank lines. “Found on the drive, here,” Qitel told me, jabbing a claw to the storage. “Translator shows it as Terran writing.”
Drawing my holopad from my satchel, I held it over the paper with the translator to get an understanding. Surely enough, the language on it came up positive as a variant of Terran writing and I was affirmed in it being a form of some sort based on the wording of the text. The boxes seemed like an odd sort of job application, asking for the typical name, contacts, and prior work experiences, but quickly took a strange turn as it began asking for where their home on Earth was prior to arrival, what family they had on Venlil Prime if any, and where they worked, implying that they were seeking individuals who were already employed.
I knew little about human employment methods, but I didn’t imagine that sourcing individuals from other jobs was the most efficient way to gain a workforce. Terran service industries already dotted the planet while many humans also found work in local environments. So what was the angle that the creator of this application was going for?
Most concerningly was that the paper had no insignia, identifying marks, or noted address to return the form to. “And where did you find it again?”
“In the garbage, alongside this intact tracker that was activated at the time of recovery. Y’know, when I was dumpster diving. Text on the document showed it was addressed to one ‘Choctaw Nexus’.”
“A pseudonym of some sort?”
“Clearly. Short sorting through the archives shows the first name traces back to the group out east - perhaps you've heard about them. How the name and the items we have here are connected is beyond my understanding, but-”
“Well, this has been an absolutely riveting discussion about your collection of trash, Qitel,” I told him as I stood up to leave. “But this really sounds like an issue to be resolved by your fellow guildsmen.”
The sound of another shell splitting rang out as I turned away.
“I'm not through talking with you, predator.”
The sting as a piece nailed me in the back of the head prompted me to whirl back around, sticking my beak in the insolent yotul's snout. “Perhaps you've forgotten, little man,” I cooed in an equally bittersweet tone to the one he gave me before. “The krakotl never had a problem with settling issues the old-fashioned way before the interview. Try me and find out why I'm in the line of work I am.”
“Oh, we wouldn't want that in such a"- he waved his paw to a group of passersby who had stopped to gawk at my display -”public forum. Please, contain yourself.”
I had to force the feathers on my back to settle and I raised my head away from him. “What else is it you wanted, then?”
“Well, I'd appreciate if you took this merchandise off my paws,” he told me as he brushed the electronics and printout toward me.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you're closer to the humans than I'd ever care to be, and may be able to find out who this Choctaw Nexus is. Something about the package just feels… off. And I know when to trust my feelings. Besides, we both know that you know where Tac is, don't we?”
“I don't-”
“We have videographic evidence that you conspired with a human - of the aforementioned squatters, no less - and let the kid escape. You're not as sneaky as you think, and if we find this ‘Choctaw Nexus’ turns out to be a bad actor that can be traced back to them - and by extension, you - well, there’d be no talking down my boss from having you dealt with. By helping me find out who this is, you may yet be able to clear your name of any wrongdoing.”
I clenched my beak tightly to maintain a straight face. Qitel stood up with a flourish and discarded the bag he was carrying in a bin.
“See, the krakotl were never special for using threats and bullying to get results. It's because you were good at killing predators,” he jeered. “Now, if you don't mind, this primitive has appointments to attend to… old lady who got trampled courtesy of the humans and all. You stay out of trouble, Hileen, and stay in touch.”
The self-assured marsupial melded into the crowd in a matter of seconds, leaving me with a table containing dumpster trophies and a pile of shells. Reluctantly, I swept the shells into my wing and dumped them into the bin before gathering the other two items he'd left me and stuffing them into my bag. I'd been gone from Nampi long enough and she would notice my absence before long.
Crossing the walkway again, I could spot from where I stood that Nampi was indeed still in the Platinum Paw. I approached, and soon I found that while she didn't seem to have noticed me stepping away, she was definitely in a soured mood based on the sagging of her ears and tail. With my talons clacking on the floorboards, I hustled to her side and her mood chippered up ever so slightly as she heard me approach.
I chimed in, “Find anything?”
“Everything. I want everything, Red, and I can't decide on what I want. They all just look so great!”
From behind, a voice called out, “Nampi!”
We both jumped at the exclamation and turned about to spot the venlil lady I'd seen before spring from behind the shelf. The man poked his head from behind the shelf too, though less enthusiastically and with yet another bag in his clutches. My friend's eyes widened in surprise with her tail and ears perking up in kind. With a light in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Nalek!”
The two embraced with shrill squeals and laughter as Nalek's accompaniment and I traded awkward glances.
“It's been too long!”
“You never stayed in contact!”
The women exchanged giddy greetings and the pompous stranger turned to me, leering over me as though she was sizing me up.
“Who's your friend here?”
“Oh she's actually my-...”
Nampi paused for a moment, looking back to me.
“Yeah, she's a friend.”
“A friend,” Nalek repeated while her eyes flicked between Nampi and I. “Right.”
Somehow, I get the impression that that was judgemental.
“I'm Hileen, by the way,” I chirped, “if names are to be exchanged.”
“Hileen, that's a lovely name! And such plumage to match, it's a wonder you aren't swarmed by suitors!”
Internally, I groaned at the notion. The idea of being approached by someone to state their interest in me made me queasy, to say the least. Thankfully, I never had that issue growing up as most of the other drakes in school were too busy chasing girls who didn't have a lousy pigmentation mutation such as myself.
“I'm flattered,” I told Nalek before turning to the man whose name had yet to be introduced. “May we get your name?”
“Sask.”
His response was succinct and tonally flat, though there was a brief silence as I expected him to elaborate. Nalek's beads jingled as she lashed him on the calf with her tail.
“I'm Sask, Nalek's fiancée,” he added, throwing her a look to see if she was satisfied.
Nampi gasped with her paws over her snout. “Fiancée! Nalek, you're getting married and you never even told me!”
“Well, I felt a little guilty since it technically broke our pact we made when we were pups. You remember that?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? ‘Let she who bonds through betrothal first be cast out unto the world for all to admonish her!’”
Sask and I both gave inquisitive expressions. “You two spoke like that as pups?” Sask asked.
“Well, I'm paraphrasing,” Nampi admitted with a playful ear waggle. “But you get the gist.”
“Indeed, they do, sweet Nampi. Now, may I ask what you're doing bringing your avian friend here into this store on this fine claw?”
“Oh, no no, she's the one treating me! Isn't that right, Red?”
I saw her tail twitch and was sure it took restraint not to tickle my neck with it as we stood before her old friend.
“She's been a good friend,” I explained. “So I wanted to reverse the roles for once and treat her to something myself.”
Nampi skipped over to me and wrapped her arm around me, glancing back to her old friend. “See? We'd all be so lucky to have a… friend like her.”
“So I've witnessed. But perhaps you're a bit stuck, as I've seen you prancing up and down these aisles for a while, no? Maybe you don't know what you want?”
“Nalek, you know I've never been good about making my mind up.”
“Some things never change, you ditz. Tell you what: you and Sask go find us a seat and we can catch up all we'd like when we're not taking up aisle space, yes? So shoo! I'll help Hileen here pick one out for you!”
With a bored grunt, Sask made off with the goods he had strapped to himself, followed by Nampi who gave me one more playful tail flick before dashing off into the crowd. I looked back to the mottled snout of Nalek who watched her friend wander off with a wistful glance.
“She was my first, you know.”
“Your what now.”
“Love. Way back when we were growing from pups into young adults back in private education, we explored much together. We saw each other through a lot, including the less savory parts of finding a mate. When Nampi realized it wasn't the boys she was into, she turned to me, and I offered my hand as her stalwart companion… to a point.”
“You weren't interested in her the same way?”
“I'd grown up seeing her as a sister of sorts, so ultimately, when we split it off, we stayed close as friends and she never seemed to be bothered by it. She struggled to find others in school who had the same interests as herself, but she never fussed about it.”
Nalek's claws browsed over a set of pouched bandoliers made with intricate embroidering. “Have you two… spent the night together? Alone?”
Spiritually, I reeled from the inquiry. The whiplash from that question was equitable to being smacked by a human. “Wha- why? How's that pertinent to the subject at hand?”
“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me,” she purred with a smug glance my way.
I didn't need to begin to list the different ways such a question was violating to our privacy, and yet this woman was treating it like a game.
“Not really your concern, ma'am.”
Nalek chuckled as she picked out one of the bandoliers and inspected it with her claws. “I'd like to think that she and I still have that old connection, despite everything. And to that end, I know that she's no slag and doesn't trust easy. To see her be so vulnerable around you and to talk so highly of someone who's clearly below her income level as a predator…”
She stretched the bandolier out to appreciate the design in its entirety.
“Well, that's something special. Here"- she foisted the accessory into my wings as I stood gobsmacked -"this just screams her name.”
“This is, like, double my budget.”
“Love don't come cheap, darling. You wanna see good things happen, sometimes you've gotta step out of your comfort zone and grasp for it!”
“I'm being lectured by a rich woman on finances.”
“It's a philosophy that goes beyond money, ‘Red.’ The humans have a saying, in their horrendously predatory nomenclature, that contains a kernel of truth: ‘you miss every shot you don't take’.”
Yep, that's definitely a human phrase.
Nalek's steely braid rattled with every flick of the tail as we proceeded through the checkout.
“You want things to change between you and her?” she continued. “Don't just wait for it to happen.”
She let the conversation rest there as we finished the purchase, possibly to let me recuperate mentally from the damage done to my account. Outside, we found our respective partners sitting at a table with Sask looking up in boredom as Nampi chatted away, though she immediately shut up and turned to me with excited flicks of her tail as she saw what I was carrying.
I held it toward her and she happily shot to her feet, effortlessly removing the tags with her claws and clipping it to her belt. Nalek clapped and waggled her tail as the giddy lady did a whirl about to let us admire the accessory. While I'd have preferred one with pockets to give it a more practical use, I decided to let Nalek have the victory as our mutual friend clearly enjoyed it.
The rest of the paw was a blur as the two friends chatted without end until Sask eventually reminded his betrothed that they had a schedule to attend to. Though Nalek offered to call us a taxi home as a gesture of kindness, I saw through her ruse to determine that she was trying to pull a fast one on me - the clever ear flick she gave as we boarded the automated vehicle sold it for me.
We sat in the seats as the vehicle took the express ride home.
Nampi cleared her throat before she spoke, “Thank you for taking some time to spend with me, I know you've had a lot less free time as of late.”
“It's a prison of my own design, if I must be honest. A feedback loop of working a job that doesn't guarantee a paycheck to pay for rent that keeps going up, and thus needing to work more.”
The venlil giggled and chided me, “You really should've stayed in university.”
“There's a lotta 'should haves’ that've led me to this point. No use wondering what could have been.”
“There's always a use for wondering what could have been, Hileen.”
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Every decision I make, I always wonder what I could've done differently that it'd have turned out better,” she explained as she waved her free paw to the sky. “It's how you grow as a person, Red.”
Her silky pelt felt heavenly in contrast to the chilly air from outside, making it hard to let her words sink in.
“You rich types seem chock full of philosophy. I wonder if I'll become a brooding orator when I get some cash to my name.”
The cab filled with laughter as we veered around the final corner to my neighborhood, as it was the closest stop. The door popped open accompanied by a chime from the drone, signaling for me to depart.
But before my talons could even hit the pavement, I felt Nampi's scrawny arms wrap around my waist and she let out a pitiful mewl again.
“You don't need to get off here,” she told me with a pouty expression. “We can spend the rest of the paw at my place.”
“I'd love it, but I need to water my plants and get the month's bills sorted before they're due. Again.”
One claw at a time, I plucked her paws from around my waist and the childish venlil conceded, giving me another ear waggle as I departed. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I asked her.
“If you still have eyes by then, then you can bet your ass!”
“I still don't gamble.”
“You'll come around to it eventually.”
I shut the door to the taxi and watched as it carted away the one venlil who I ever truly felt on the same wavelength as. Fiddling with the lock felt like more of a chore than usual at this time as I felt a little voice tugging at the back of my head.
“You miss every shot you don't take.”
The lock felt jammed as I began to jiggle it more vigorously with the electric key. Either the RFID or NFC readers were messed up, as the lock refused to accept my key. I looked up and down the street, though Nampi was now long gone for me to rescind my earlier rejection.
“Every decision I make, I wonder what I could've done differently.”
The door rattled as I grew more and more infuriated with the lock. Qitel's smug expression as he threatened me so boldly in public played back in my head, and I wondered what would've happened had I decided to go through with insulting his mother. Better yet, I wondered what could've been had I not backed down in the face of his unflinching confidence.
Bzzt. The lock rejected my key again.
“Raagh! You fucking useless hunk of junk!”
I squawked in anger and kicked against the door, careless of the consequences of having Markol back down here to admonish another of his tenants for causing a ruckus. The walls were surprisingly sturdy for how ineffective the venlil architecture looked on the surface and I reeled back in pain as my leg throbbed.
Click.
I looked to my left to see that it wasn't my door that came open, but that of the twins. The door cracked open ever so slightly, no doubt nudged by the force of my tirade and I sighed. Nobody was expected to be home at this time, with Vili being away and Luka leaving early to get a head start.
Luka had been given a stern talking-to by the landlord for allowing one of those cats into his apartment through neglect, and I was disappointed that he seemed to have not learned his lesson this time. In fact, it seemed he hadn't even thought to lock the door this time.
I took it upon myself to shut the door for him before turning back to my own apartment door. Grasping the key with one talon, I turned it ever so gently, though the lock still refused to give in.
With a bit more force, the torsion applied to the key felt as though it should've snapped it by now. Markol sure didn't waste any expense for the security for this place, doubtlessly as a result of his history in electronic security, but I wished now that he had provided a way in that didn't rely on privately sourced locks.
Considering my options as I stood trapped outside, I realized that I had never gotten around to paying for a new lock for Tadi. I'd considered contacting her to inform her that Tac had made it out of town safely, but that'd involve also telling her that her son was now in the care of humans, as if that was a better outcome to her.
Stepping out front, I realized that there was one more option I hadn't considered: my window. I usually forgot to lock it after I was through letting air circulate and I was silently grateful to myself for this absentmindedness now more than ever. Sticking a foot on the threshold, I lifted myself in a way that'd allow me to have leverage to force the window open.
The window made me fight for every inch, but I felt a strange satisfaction as it slowly opened up into an entrance that I could squeeze my way through. I let out a sigh as my talons clicked against the cool floor and slid the window shut.
I laid my satchel on the couch and turned back to the door, ready to unleash my fury on the disobedient object. But as I reached for the lock to manually open the door, I noted that the lights on the RFID interface both flashed at once, blinking erratically. Red and green flickered without rhyme or reason, indicating that it was both active and inactive.
As pretty as the colors were, I now knew that Markol's locks were not as reliable as he had touted them about: typically, such would not occur unless the device was damaged deliberately, and yet nothing indicated that I'd had uninvited guests. One could pray that those cats didn't secretly know how to cobble together an ECM jammer, but my personal wager was on faulty equipment.
Settling in, I browsed my favorite soaps on the television. For what was intended to be a day of relaxation and show of affection for a friend, I found myself rather wound up over all the things that added up. Couples threw around flowery words and swooned over one another on screen as I felt the tension diffuse. My holopad rang and I turned it over to spot that Nampi was informing me that she'd arrived home safely.
>>> Feels empty here, all alone.
She made sure to drive the point home with a sticker of a venlil making a pouty expression.
Next time, I thought to myself, I'll get it right for you, Nampi.
[ First / Previous ]

Hi all! Apologies, didn’t really know what to title this 😭 just wanted to hop in here since the Melb concert is only a month and a bit away.
Will everyone be exchanging friendship bracelets / guitar picks? And are we doing anything special for this tour in terms of outfit, makeup etc.?
I’m beginning to plan things out so wanting to make sure I’m in the loop with everything 💜

I went to portals tour almost a year ago and a good handful of people were trading bracelets. i’m going to the trilogy tour in less than a month and want to know if i should make bracelets to trade.

I genuinely had no idea the depth this season would have. I just finished my second rewatch, watching edits, and reading people's analyses and metas. Nic was right when she said this season was romance because, wow, I’m speechless at just how much there is to their story. It keeps you going back, thinking, and pondering. To the point that I'm not as mad as I was about them splitting up the season. We're really able to take in these four episodes, unpack each scene, each character, and each expression because everything has been so purposeful.
On my second rewatch, it struck me that it wasn't the kiss that awakened Colin's feelings. I wouldn't have thought so until someone mentioned on twitter it wasn't the kiss Colin has a flashback of before he goes to the ball. it was the scene Pen wraps his hand with a cloth. I rewatched the show after that to pay closer attention and wow did so many things stand out to me the second time around. Maybe it was the candle that sparked that memory, but even then, was her wrapping his wound so significant to him that it prompted him to go to the ball, interrupt her dance, cause a scandal, and then chase her carriage?
Colin's behavior towards her has been odd the entire season. First, Penelope not responding to his letters messed him up. It made him realize that although he's always cherished her as a friend, she had a much more profound impact on him, and he didn’t notice until she was no longer there. He tries to talk to her, but she walks away, giving him the cold shoulder. He is left shook.
He sees her at the ball in her stunning dress. He keeps staring at her, so aware of her, constantly tracking her. Then she leaves, running up the stairs and passing him. He leaves his friends behind to go after her, despite their advice not to concern himself with her. They have that moment where he tells her he misses her, but in a much different way than he would have spoken to her last season or the season before that. "If you're going to make it, say it. I miss you." Not "I missed you," but "I miss you."
This distinction is crucial. "I missed you" implies a past tense, a temporary void that has now been filled. "I miss you," however, conveys a present, ongoing longing. It shows that his feelings are current and that her absence affects him deeply and continuously. This moment is pivotal because it reveals a more vulnerable and sincere side of Colin, one that he hasn't shown to others this season.
Colin is showing a different side of himself to everyone this season, including his own family. He's trying to present a more composed and assertive version of himself to the world. Yet, Penelope is the only one with whom he truly feels comfortable enough to be his genuine self. She makes him feel safe, allowing him to drop the mask he wears for others. With her, he can be kind, sensitive, and unguarded.
This sense of security that Penelope provides is significant. It’s clear that Colin values her presence not just as a friend, but as someone who understands him on a deeper level. She brings out the best in him, the parts he might be afraid to show others for fear of appearing weak or overly sentimental. In Penelope’s presence, Colin feels seen and accepted, which is why his declaration of "I miss you" carries such weight. It’s not just that he misses her company; he misses the person he is when he’s with her.
Then he seeks her out and comes to her house, gives her the big speech, and tells her he wants to get into her good graces. They go out, and he tells her to practice on those gentlemen. When she stumbles over her words, he just smiles so fondly at her. At this point, I don’t think he’s aware of his feelings, but I do believe he's starting to realize just how much he likes her. He really, really likes her. And he missed her so much, and being around her again is literally lifting his spirits.
One of my favorite moments is when they are at the market. Colin brings up the story of when they first met, leaning in and saying, "teasing me. Mercilessly, in fact." When he follows with, "I think I know why," it stands out to me because you can just see how different he is when he's with her compared to anyone else this season. Even with his family, his light is dim, and there is a cloud hanging over him. But with Penelope, especially in this scene, it's like a man who finally saw the sun after being stuck in endless rain. At this moment, I don't think he knows he likes her romantically, but he likes her even more than he did before. He notices how she makes him feel. He loves their banter and how clever and witty she is.
Penelope freaks out when he says this because she thinks she knows, and she keeps on walking. They are momentarily covered from each other by the rugs, and then Colin pops out and continues his sentence. Everything about it is so playful and flirtatious, even if unconsciously at this point. He’s just having so much fun, and it’s very different from how he used to interact with her before. That moment when Penelope says, "I should get back," leaning in and adding, "before we are noticed," is significant.
Then we have the moment when Colin says, "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." By this point, he’s addicted to her. The interactions they had at the market, especially at the end, left a lasting impression on him. I see this as Colin testing his feelings, wondering, "Let me see if that was a fluke or if I actually like her." This moment is crucial because it reveals Colin's internal struggle and growing realization of his deeper feelings for Penelope. He’s no longer simply enjoying her company as a friend; he’s beginning to seek out her presence because it brings him genuine happiness and comfort.
This shift is evident in his behavior. Colin’s eagerness to see Penelope isn’t driven by a sense of duty or friendship; it’s a personal desire. His anticipation of her visit shows that her company has become something he craves. This is no longer about teaching her anything; he just wants to spend time with her, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Colin knows that teaching Penelope how to attract a husband doesn’t look right, as he mentions to Eloise. He is aware that his actions could be misinterpreted, and yet he persists. This indicates a level of emotional investment that goes beyond mere friendship or mentorship.
When Colin invites Penelope to the Bridgerton house and places a hand on her back, it’s a bold move that borders on scandalous. In the societal context of their time, such an action is highly intimate and could easily lead to gossip and speculation. Colin is well aware of this, which is why his decision to proceed regardless is significant. It shows that he’s starting to prioritize his personal feelings and desires over societal expectations and norms.
In Season 2, when he grabbed her hand and took her into a secluded room, he genuinely saw her as just a friend and didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But this scene is different. Colin is aware that his feelings towards her are changing, and he doesn’t care about the impropriety. He just wants to be alone with Penelope. This awareness marks a turning point in Colin’s emotional journey. He’s beginning to accept that his feelings for Penelope are evolving into something deeper and more romantic.
His actions, such as eagerly awaiting her visit and ensuring they have private moments together, reflect a subconscious desire to explore these feelings further. He wants to understand the depth of his emotions without the interference of others. This need for privacy and his willingness to bend societal rules for her indicate just how significant Penelope has become to him. He values their time together, not just as friends, but as potential romantic partners. Colin’s behavior suggests that he’s on the verge of a profound realization about his true feelings for Penelope, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.
Then we get to the moment that solidifies for me that he knows to some degree what he feels about her. When Penelope tells him his eyes are beautiful, he is visibly aghast, speechless. Jungshook. The compliment is so unexpected and disarming that he doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he picks up his lemonade and chugs it down like a man who hasn’t had a drink in days. This reaction is significant because it shows how much Penelope’s words affect him on a deeper level. It’s not just flattery; it’s a moment of genuine vulnerability for Colin, revealing that her opinion of him matters more than he realized.
Now, let’s delve into the moment where I believe he realizes he likes her. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and rewatched their moments with a different perspective if it weren’t for the flashback. The moment she wraps his hand is so intimate and romantic. She wraps his hand slowly, and he watches her intently as she does. There’s a tenderness in her actions that goes beyond mere care; it’s an unspoken connection. She continues holding his hand and slowly folds it, kind of caressing his fingers. This gesture is filled with unspoken emotions, and Colin feels it deeply.
She looks at him intensely, and he meets her gaze but looks down immediately, starting to fiddle with the end of the cloth like he’s nervous. This moment of eye contact is loaded with significance. Colin’s nervousness is a telltale sign that he’s starting to realize his feelings for her. He doesn’t pull away until she mentions his writing, and he gets overwhelmed. Despite all that, and even though he’s upset she read his journal, he asks, "Will I see you tonight?" This question is crucial. It shows that, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed, he craves her company. He just wants to spend time with her.
Even when he’s upset that she read his journal, his first thought is to secure more time with her. "Will I see you tonight?" is not just a casual question; it’s a plea for connection. Colin’s desire to spend more time with Penelope, even when he’s feeling vulnerable, underscores the depth of his feelings. He’s starting to recognize that his attachment to her is not just about friendship or companionship; it’s something much more profound. This realization sets the stage for the unfolding of his realizations and the emotional journey Colin is about to navigate.
Then the ball happens. Colin looks around the room for her and gives her a sexy smirk when he sees her. This smirk is significant because Colin typically reserves it for women he's flirting with, albeit usually in a fake and uncomfortable manner. However, this is the only time the smirk feels genuine and actually comes off as sexy instead of forced. The flirtatious "Good evening" from Penelope is everything, honestly. When she asks how his hand is, he replies, "All good, thanks to you." Sir, all she did was wrap it with a cloth; please be normal. At this point, he's fully aware he has a crush on her. He no longer views her as he did before. His entire demeanor is so much more different compared to their other lessons. There is an intensity to him when he's talking to her that wasn’t there before.
When Penelope talks with Lord Remington, it’s interesting that "Jealous" by Nick Jonas starts to play now and not after the kiss, when she converses with Lord Debling on many occasions where we know he's jealous. When Pen tells him she enjoyed her time with Lord Remington, he responds, "I'm certain he did as well," and he gets a bit awkward. Someone on Twitter mentioned that when Penelope was flirting and trying to engage with others, Colin wasn't jealous, but the moment she is herself and comfortable, his jealousy kicks in, as we saw in this scene. Someone said he's trying to gatekeep her lmao. He sees her smiling and enjoying herself—a part of herself she only shows him—and he can't handle it. Hence, why I believe they chose to play that song at this moment.
This moment is crucial because it highlights the shift in Colin’s feelings. His smirk, which is usually a façade, becomes real and filled with genuine affection when directed at Penelope. His awkwardness and jealousy when she talks to another man further emphasize that his feelings for her have deepened. Colin is no longer just a friend offering guidance; he’s a man who realizes he has a crush on her and is struggling to navigate these new emotions. The music choice underscores this emotional turmoil, perfectly capturing the internal conflict and realization he is experiencing.
And then everything else proceeds that leads to the kiss. I, like so many others, believed this is where he realizes his feelings for Pen. Someone on Twitter mentioned how his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quivered. When I first saw it, I wondered why this kiss would warrant such a strong reaction from Colin. At this point, it was just a kiss that Pen asked for in a moment where she thinks she is ruined and will never find a prospect. But upon rewatching, Colin's visceral reaction to the kiss, as evidenced by his furrowed eyebrows and quivering lips, suggests a deeper emotional resonance than he initially realizes.
Penelope tells him it would not have to mean anything, but for him but it did. He knows his feelings towards her have changed. If it had been just a kiss because she asked for it, it would have stopped after the first time. Just a fleeting moment of physical contact between friends. But they kiss a second time and it's from his pov this time. It's slow sweet and oh so romantic. It's a catalyst that triggers a flood of suppressed emotions and desires within him. In that brief instant, the walls he's constructed around his heart start to crumble, allowing his true feelings for Penelope to surface. it wasn’t a kiss that awakened his feelings; it was a kiss that confirmed it. And not just confirmed it, it made him realize it wasn't just a crush he developed this season but it brought all his dormant feelings to the surface from the past as well.
TLDR: I think he was aware that he liked her when she wrapped his hand specifically and the kiss made him realize that it wasn't just a crush—his feelings run much, much deeper than that.

This girl, I've noticed her for the first time in middle school. She caught my eyes, yet remained a stranger in her own world. Something about this girl felt different about others. I rarely saw her speak or act, simply minding her own while on the way to school - which overlapped with mine. Even there she was not to be seen by me, mostly due to us being from different classes. Still, I recall seeing her on very few occasions, like field trips. I was not in love nor had a crush, though that was the time my curiosity began building up, wanting to know more about this girl.
It's an unexplainable feeling, really. Back then, I already got to recognize the sensation of romantic love, both its warmth and burden. Thoughts inside my head merely kept signaling, "I want to get to know her". Eventually, realizing we were still total strangers, I had no other option than to mind my own. This continued till the end of 9th grade.
Enter Highschool. Everything changes - new classmates, teachers, syllabus, higher pressure and what not. I didn't decide what to make of the new reality during the first few days, I simply rolled with it. Then came our first math class - to give some context, where I live, your level of math education is determined by 3 levels, with students from each level being grouped in separate math classes. As it turned out, that very same girl and I were grouped together in the same class.
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From that moment onwards things accelerated. I began noticing her more thoroughly as time kept going. It may sound weird, but I remember even dreaming about her once, despite us not even speaking to one another. I don't know what was it with me, an infatuation, perhaps ? I still didn't feel it with her, but I like to believe (or maybe those are my delusions) I felt a certain connection: that girl kept to herself, had a composed mindset, she focused on reading books and was on her phone before the teacher got in - despite always being surrounded by her own wonderful friends. Coupled with her short height, I couldn't but think how cute she looks.
One day, at math class as usual, sitting at the table in front of me, this girl did something unimaginable to my head - she turned her sit around to face me, and abruptly exclaimed with a smile - "did you know that our little sister's, [x] and [Y], are best friends ?" - we had a very brief chat about it, including one of our past sudden altercations, by the end of which she turned away and got back to minding her own. This was.... a lot shocking to me than a third party would expect...
Till that point, in my opinion, life seemed very predictable, unimpressive and disappointing. I was the social loser who didn't get to make strong bonds past kindergarten, so I didn't have real, true friends - just a few buddies I seldom chatted with. Coinciding with moving to the city I live in now before starting Elementary, I was pretty much doomed to be lonely, so from then on I never imagined to socially amount to anything extraordinary, much less to speak with another female (which has always been more intimidating). Now, this girl whom I wished to know and was too enclosed to talk to, broke the endless time barrier to inform a small piece of information. To say this moment was a change of pace is an utter understatement. Talking to one another gave me a clearer insight as to who the girl is - as composed, focused and quiet as she was, I could sense in her angelic-like voice and the way her vocals switched a hidden enthusiasm, an undiscovered encircling joy. Her voice signaled that she was truly interested to speak with me, and despite trying to stay composed, I felt as if she planned this conversation sometime ahead out of shyness to construct an abrupt small talk. Her character made me for the first time consider if I fell for her. She was a somewhat shy, introverted person with joyful attitude, and overall seemed like a kind, positive gal, simply too quiet to present it to anyone at once. But I was stunned not just for her character - she was gorgeous. Talking to that girl and formally facing her for the first time made me notice things unnoticed before - her enchanting, glistening eyes, her beautiful dark blonde hair, the humble little ears and nose, including the overall shape of her face. I barely kept myself composed as we responded to one another due to all this shock instigated by understanding who she is, and learning we were - in a way - related (not biologically ofc). Felt like forever, yet lasted less than a minute.
Of course, I began pondering about her reason to reveal herself as my little sister's best friend's older sibling. Two days later (and another month after), that girl repeated the first event: turning herself around to face me, then striking out a conversation revolving around our little siblings. By the third altercation, getting more smitten by her after each one, my interest in her peaked.
Here's what felt fishy: Us not amounting to anything but strangers meant this girl could chat solely about something seemingly as unimportant to HS students as familial bonds. I should also mention that by this period half a year has flown by. If so, why would she bother herself to say these things ? Maybe she just cares for our sisters' friendship ? That still wouldn't explain the timing...
Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but my something is telling me she's fond of me. And I think I'm starting to actually like here back the more I think of her. Sharing the same class with her gets me out of bed every morning, and the first sight of this girl feels like being showered with roses. I cherish every glance I get at her because of the warmth it brings to my soul.
I wish I were right about her feelings towards me, however this is where the letter must leave the reader at a cliffhanger. I don't know if she likes me, thinks of me as I have of her. Nor do I, nor her, have the courage to ask each other due to our mental struggles. Looking back, I think it's my fault. I should have attempted to chat with her myself instead of letting her initiate ever chat, it would explain why she gave up on trying. She was braver than I, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I really did let an opportunity slip, but that's a revelation to come. Best wishes, your fellow HS student.
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hello livies! I just about managed to get tickets in Korea!!! is there anyone else going there? I was wondering if anyone wanted to meet up with me and exchange friendship bracelets? I know that making bracelets was more of a eras tour thing but I still think that it would be nice to make friends and I think friendship bracelets are a great way to do it. I was also wondering if anyone knew if the jamsil areana venue had a merch truck as well as store? please let me know if anyone knows more about the merch situation in Korea and if you want to exchange friendship bracelets with me there! thank you

hello!! just wanted to ask if Chappell is still doing friendship bracelet donations to her merch stand at her Charleston show tmr night. My roommates and I made some and plan on trading a few + donating some as well :-)

All Names used are Fake!
Context: In 2022, I (14FtM, haven't transioned bc parents don't support) changed class periods in my old school, I met him (15M, let's call him Jake) on my new class bc the seating chart put me infront of him. We got along really fast since we were both part of the community and didn't have accepting parents, he told me he was Pansexual and the only reason that they woudn't curse at him was that they believed it was a phase and he would go back to his senses. We became best friends and spent the entire year hanging out and having fun, he would go to my house to do school projects so my parents knew him, i only met his parents months later because his mom invited me to a sleepover. Jake also told me that the reason his parents liked me was because they saw me as a 'well behaved girl' and that i was a good influence on Jake. On january 2023, my parent decided to move, so we packed our bags, said goodbye to family members and friends and went to live in a different city 3 hours away.
All of the main people mentioned in this post know eachother from the same class in 2022.
Story : In 2023, a week after our friendship bithday, his mom invites me to go on a trip with them to an amusement park (she said she would pay for me), I ended up going and we had a really good day. At the end of day when we were leaving the park, Jake stops me and gives me a silver ring with his name engraved into it and shows me his hand with a matching ring (we had matching jewelry already, matching bracelets and those bff necklaces, so i didn't think much of it and just brushed it of as another gift). After the trip I went back to my city and we didn't see each other until 3 months later (we would travel every few weeks to visit family, but my parent had been really busy). When I came back to visit, we got together to throw a secret birthday party to a friend of ours the day of the party comes, our friend was super happy because she thought she was going to be spending her birthday alone, it wasn't a big party either, just our 5 friends in Jake's parent's house, a few presents and a pretty cake but we were all having fun. Less than an hour after the party started, his godmother, who was in the house with us to make sure we didn't do any stupid teenager thing, calls for me and Jake and says that she wanted to take a picture of the rings to send it to they're family groupchat, I was confused but let her take the picture anyway, then she asked me when could they meet my family so that we could be an official couple. That's when it dawned on me that I was dating my best friend for almost 4 months and didn't know. I spent the next 3 months lying to him and saying that my parents were to busy with work and that we wouldn't be visiting for a while, when in reality we were actually there already, many anxious nights asking a few trusted friends on what I should do, because while I didn't have any romantic feelings for him and didn't want to be in a relationship, he was still my best friend and I knew that it wouldn't be the same after it (also the fact that my parents didn't know about this and were already upset with me because my grades weren't the best). After all this time ignoring him I ended up losing the ring and couldn't bring myself to ever look him in the eyes again so I deleted his number and just never messaged him again.
Now this year, he made a few moves to try and get in contact with me after i moved again (still 3 hours away, just moved to a nicer house) so i went ahead and changed numbers, i've heard from the 2 friends i kept contact and still hang out with that he sometimes questions about me, but as per my request, they just give vague answers. (Important to mention that these friends are also Jake's acquaintances, and it doesn't bother me that they talk, even if it did that would be my personal issue)
I hadn't heard from Jake since march, until last weekend. We went to visit family again and i had planned to hangout with my friend (16M) on saturday, we just walked around the city, got ice cream and talked for the few hours we were together and it was really fun, we also posted a few things on social media. And it was from these pictures that a girl from our class in 2022 (Anne) that still followed me on Instagram, messaged me and asked if i was dating this friend, to which i responded with no, and then just a few hours later my friend told me that Jake had messaged him and talked about Anne, saying she had been exposing my texts with her from 2023 ever since jake announed that i had broken up with him. Turns out she was telling him all about texts from when i was looking for advice on how to break up with Jake up to pictures on my socials of other male friends from my new school, she would always ask me on every single photo i had with a boy if i was dating them and always be really pushy about getting a 'Yes' for an answer, which she never did.
After my friend told me about this i blocked her on all acounts (she had 3 and followed me on all of them) I also deleted every text i had with her. I hope i never have to see her again.