Dirty things to txt your gf

Hey what’s going on everyone , as the title says just curious if anyone else get jealous ? I’m almost 21 and haven’t had friends since junior year of high school. I already started my career , have my own place , a few toys credit , and been traveling for years with my gf. I noticed dudes my age don’t really have anything going for themselves so I choose not to have any friends that could get my in trouble, but the other day at the gym I was like “ Damm it’s really fucking lonely not having friends ctfu “. I guess it’s a good thing and bad thing but hanging out with your gf gets a little annoying sometimes maybe it’s just me???
It’s really hard trying to make friends because like I said alot of dudes are just bums, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m better or in better positions than them but I would want people around me I can learn from, or have something going for themselves you know ? Most of the things I do/ hobbies I have I have to do alone one because my gf aren’t into them and because who else is their to do it with. By the day I just give up more and more to make friends lol but you know , oh well I guess.

Author's Note: Welp, I'm back. I'm going to be doing these super-short stories from now on instead of the multi-paged short stories that took several days to write. I tend to lose motivation in writing when I have long, drawn out stories. I just want to write these stories about my characters and focus on their character beats and emotions, rather than one long drawn out plot. I do intend on making an overarcing plot with these stories, but told over many, smaller instances.
This story introduces a new character that will not be recieving a character concept page. The reason why is because I simply am not interested in making game concepts and I'm not interested in Overwatch (The Game) anymore. I just want to focus on the stories of my characters.
Harvey King, the handsome, smooth-talking, knuckle-bruiser of Overwatch, now reduced to another ruffian locked behind steel bars. The once highly-esteemed son of New York Cities biggest tech conglomerate entrepenuer, Leonhard King, now another criminal locked away for life for the high crime of terrorism. Not only that, but he was thrown under the bus, used as a scapegoat to get pressure off of King Enterprises, the company that dad always loved more than his own son. His own son, dammit!
"I'm tellin you Harv," Sean muttered on from the top bunk. "you've gotta cool off or you'll get yourself killed!"
"Shut up!" Kingbursted out at his insolent cell mate. The New Worker was a fairly handsome man with a sharp jawline and beautiful nose, but his charcoal black hair had become ragged due to a profound lack of hair gel in prison. Harvey was looking into a glass shiv that he had stolen from the one-eyed punk down the isle, desperately trying to get the angle just right so that he could see his reflection in it. He ran is his fingers down his jaw line, feeling the creases and folds that had been left by Winston's Tesla Cannon. His perfect face, the face who's nose had never once been broken in all of Harvey's days of brawling, was now left with an electrical scar that he would have to live with for the foreseeable future, at least until he can break out of this hole and get it fixed with a healthy dosage of surgury. "That damn monkey, he ruined my face!" He turned to Sean. "Look at this, he ruined my face!"
"Yeah, I've been looking at it for the past month or so." Sean snickered.
"You realize I already have a life sentence?" King snarled, his tone had grew contempted.
"Yeah, so? Most people here d-"
"'That means it won't matter if I use your teeth for golf balls!"
"Oh please kid, you ain't the first young punk to threaten me li-"
"I'll be the first one to go through with it," King yelled at Sean. grabbing him by the collar and dragging him down from the top bunk. "If you don't shut your fu-"
"Shut up in there!" A guard banged his baton against the bars, interrupting King. "And get your hands off your cellmate!"
"Sorry officer," King put on a happy, personable tone of voice for the gaurd. He obediently dropped Sean. "Won't happen again, I promise."
"Yeah, yeah." The guard walked off, uninterested in King's crocodile smile.
The moment the guard turned his back, King's face switched like a lightbulb, going from bright and charismatic to dark and irritated in a mere moment. He turned back to his stupid cellmate and lashed out at him, grabbing his collar and pulling him in close. "I think we need to come to an understanding, you and I," Harvey spoke menacingly. "Look pal, I've already had to put up with a lotta bull lately. I do not need a dishevelled, ugly piece of crap, such as you, giving me more bull. So if you continue to irritate me, I'm gonna make you choke on your teeth. You get me?"
Sean, at a lost for words, simply nodded out of fear. Sean was ugly and dishevelled, Harvey was truthful when he said that, but he was also much smaller than Harvey and wouldn't be able to defend himself.
"Good." Harvey gave Sean a toothy grin. Even in the dimly lit, murkey prison cell, Harvey's teeth still glistened. He dropped Sean, who immediately crawled back onto the top bunk, hugging the wall this time as to avoid being pulled down again, and sat down on his cold, hard matress. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to think of how to get out of this situation. Only he couldn't think of an escape plan, he had too much on his mind. He was trying to make sense of everything that's happened, the mistakes he made that lead to this point. He had everyone at Overwatch wrapped around his fingers like marionettes, his facade was perfectly crafted. He couldn't help but reminisce about when he first started, the conversation he had with his father to get the whole thing set up, the developing of squeaky-clean persona that would be irresistable to Winston and Sojourn, the persona that landed him a spot on Overwatch's small roster of agents and made everyone fall in love with him. Well, not literally fall in love with him, but he was a natural smooth talker and very easy to like upon first meeting.
He remembered the conversation with his father that got him introduced to the likes of Winston in the first place, the conversation between his father and the leaders of Overwatch. King Enterprises had promised to provide Overwatch with funding, but only so Harvey could get a chance within their ranks. Leonhard King, father of Harvey King, was the CEO of King Enterprises. The old man was an idealist, and so was his only son. They wanted to leave a good impact on the world, with King Enterprises having been nicknamed "The Company of the People"; at least, that's what the public saw. No, the real Leonhard King was a tyranical capitalist who valued money over human rights, a greedy old man who was born into a mafia family, but being the the second-born meant he never got a chance to take over the family when his father died. Instead, it was his elder brother, Everett King II, named after his and Leonhard's father, who got to take over the family. Unsatisfied with being second fiddle, Leonhard left the family completely to become an entrepanuer, and now, 50 years later, he was on top of New York's social hierarchy with the biggest tech conglomerate in New England. King Enterprises was built into many facets of life in America, they built all sorts of cars, home appliances, home security systems, but that's only what the media saw.
Of course, Leonhard never shook off his knack for crime. He was a King, and criminality flowed through the King Bloodline; taking money out of decent folks pockets was in their blood. The horrible truth of the matter was that King Enterprises, "The Company of the People", got into all sorts of shady business, such as illegally shipping arms overseas, racketeering, maintaining ties in the black market, and lobbying shady politicians. On top of that, King Enterprises was a major player in the Military Industrial Complex, producing all sorts of weapons for the government, and shipping all the surplus over seas to other countries; a good chunk of all equipment used by the U.S. military was manufactored by King Enterprises. And it is because of this influence on the Military Industrial Complex that Leonhard King also provides funding to terrorist organizations such as Talon, organizations who are keen on creating conflict and pushing the world to the edge of war. Corporate corruption ran through every level of King Enterprises, and everyone outside of the corporation was none the wiser.
It was yard time, and King was hanging out alone. He hadn't made any attempts to socialize with any of the other ruffians the populate the prison, for he isn't planning on staying very long, but he did intend on working out as much as he could while he was there. A long time ago, when King was a kid hanging out in the slums of New York, he had a buddy called Twig. He was called Twig because he was very skinny, but mostly because King wasn't a very imaginitive nicknamer. He got sent to prison at the age of 16 for accidentally killing a guy while trying to jack his car, and came out a few years later completely jacked. King ended up shooting and killing him a while after he got outta prison, mostly because Twig blamed King for getting locked up and wanted revenge, but King still remembered in high regards.
King was readying himself for the bench press, stretching and giving himself a mental preptalk, thinking along the lines of "just cuz you're in prison doesn't mean ain't King no more," and the like. While he was getting ready, a loud, gruff voice cut off his train of thought. "Hey, punk!" King swung his head around to see who was yelling at him, and beheld a man who was around his same height, but very, very prison-jacked. Not as prison-jacked as Twig was, but still very prison-jacked. "Your daddy wanted to give you a message." This man didn't seem particularly friendly.
"My daddy?" King was not happy about this. A message from his father? Really? That old bastard wanted nothing to do with his son, and if he wanted to send him a message, he could visit him on every other thursday! "The hell's the meaning of this?"
"He said you couldn't be naming any name, kid. Said you'd understand." The big man pulled out a shiv, swinging his arm forward while rushing at King.
"The hell!?" King exclaimed, caught off guard by the sudden attack. He managed to catch the man's wrist, stopping the shiv from plunging right into his guts. He had to act quickly, he wouldn't be able to hold this man's arm for very long before he got overpowered, so he had to resort to some dirty tactics. Spitting in the man's eyes then kicking him in the shin did the trick, causing the jacked man to faulter and drop his shiv. Harvey had been in many a street fight during his life, and with the shiv out of the equation he would be also to out-box this man. King was an experienced brawler, he learned how to tussle on the streets of New York City, and was once mentored by a prize-fighter how to box. If not for his father's interference, King would've spent his entire life living in slums, hanging around his Uncle's turf, instead of in the King's Estate with his father.
With his attacker instinctually wiping spit out from his eyes, King had the perfect opportunity to land his signature KO'ing right hook right into the man's dome. King wasn't the biggest, most intimidating fella on the block, but he knew how to throw a punch with a surprising amount of power. King threw several more punches, beating the man senseless with merciless intensity, just to let off some steam that he's been holding in since his incarceration. He would've beaten that man to death if he hadn't been hit in the shoulder by a gaurd's heavy baton from behind. King fell down and got tackled by a gaurd, ending the fight.
Thursday rolled around, and it was the other thursday. King, of course, didn't have any visitors, but he did have a phone call. King impatiently tapped on the tabletop, eagerly waiting for someone to pick up the phone. A wide, sparkling smile stretched across his face as the wheezy voice of an elderly smoker come out the phone. "Who is this?" The voice calmly asked.
"Hey, Uncle."

AIW for having sexual fantasies about my family members after being sexually abused ?
To be extremely clear, this is very serious and real. I am a 21 year old male, living in the US with a very nice “life” good friends, good in school, promising future, strong relationships. Etc.
Edit: I would ask that you don’t downvote, I really need the feedback. I would rather you tell me I’m a sick monster than downvote.
I have made a post about this in the past, but nobody seemed to answer my question. If you want to read that version it’s on my profile.
TLDR at the bottom. This is a throwaway account because I am so deeply ashamed and conflicted.
To make a long story short I will begin with my own abuse.
When I was around 7 or 8 my older brother who was 10 or 11 taught me how to masturbate and even did it for me on a couple occasions. He then escalated into having us masturbate together and watching porn. I was so young I barely remember what I was thinking. This progressed over the next 1-2 years to him introducing the idea of kissing each other and then eventually pleasuring each other orally with it ending with attempted penetration. I was around 10 and he was around 13. This was only on a couple occasions and eventually ceased when I was about 12 and he was about 15. This was when he was starting to go to high school and meeting girls. I began acting out around this time and he gave up on me completely, acted like I didn’t exist. I never felt wrong about the sexual actions and felt it was pretty normal, didn’t think about it that often.
Here is where my issue lies. From the time I was 13 until about 20, I would have these recurring hypersexual thoughts about a lot of women. This is common I believe, however, included in these thoughts/fantasies were some of my own family members. Most often (doesent mean it was often in general) it would be my sister who is 2 years younger. I was not obsessed with her by any means but when her body started changing I took notice and instead of feeling disgusted I just hid my feelings. Not like I had a crush or anything and I fully understood it was unacceptable to touch her or try to play this out in reality However, on occasion when I would dwell on some of the physical “attraction” or excitement for more than a couple seconds I would masturbate to clear my mind, and immediately go back to operating “normally”. I never once felt guilty about this or even thought twice about it until later in life when I started to mature and look back on certain behaviors. I also entered some relationships and noticed some general sexual dysfunction.
I guess I justified it because the horny feelings were there and it was no crime to masturbate to these fantasies, another thing I think contributed to this was porn addiction. Just about every video I watched or saw on any porn site was incxst themed. This contributed to me thinking it was pretty normal and other people must be having these thoughts/feelings as well. And as long as I don’t harm anybody I was just fine. I think I considered these fantasies just as normal as fantasizing about anybody else which I did plenty of. Maybe even something that we would all laugh about in our later stages of life.
There is a very mixed reaction from the internet and I am just looking for opinions. I’m am searching for your guys opinions on my specific experience because for some reason I went from feeling like this was a normal perfectly fine stage of development to feeling like a disgusting perverted monster because of how certain people view this, including myself.
I understand this is a hard topic. Please don’t tell me to go seek therapy or “this is above reddits pay grade”. Because for 1. I am already in therapy working through my whole childhood including this, and for 2. I don’t want to hear from only a professional, I would like to hear judgements from “normal” people, because that’s who I’ll be dealing with for the rest of my life and their opinions matter just as much as anybody else’s.
I am open to any and all opinions/advice, even if you don’t relate. If you feel these were all my fault and I’m the one who’s the sick dirty person, on a similar level to pedophiles or rapists then please tell me, if you think I am deserving of understanding, let me know also.
Thanks for reading I’m sorry if I wrote a lot, I’m in a lot of distress right now and I can’t stop thinking of that.
Last thing just to clarify once more. Nobody I know has any idea of this besides my mom whom I confided in. Nobody would even suspect something like this because outwardly I am very composed. I have never attempted to touch or seduce any of these people I fantasized about and they were all close in age.
TLDR: aiw for being aroused by thoughts of sexual acts with family members.
Edit: if you know anywhere else I could post this for some more feedback that would be greatly appreciated, thanks again, sorry if I grossed you out :( but I am real and my situation exists, I don’t know where else to turn I’m terrified what friends or future partners would think.

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed and long, there's a TL;DR at the end. I just had my LEEP on Thursday and wanted to share my experience. Hopefully this soothes a fellow over-thinker.
Background: 30 yr old female, 130 lbs, 5'2". No moderate, severe or chronic health conditions.
I was diagnosed with high-risk (HR) HPV with LSIL/abnormal cells in February of this year. Not 16/18, but another HR strain. I got at least one shot of the HPV vaccine before I turned 26 so I was really shocked at this. I had a complete emotional breakdown because of the connection to HPV and cervical cancer, plus I just felt....dirty. I've gone through my sexually active years without getting as much as a yeast infection, and now I had just been hit with an STI, and the one that causes cancer. I went into a pretty deep depression and honestly I'm still in that depression zone but not nearly as much. I did a ton of research and my findings told me that even if it was cancer, it's one of the most curable ones especially given my age, health, etc.
My primary doctor referred me to a gyno's office connected to the hospital I go to, and I scheduled an appointment for March 1st. Gyno (who was actually not an OBGYN but an APRN/midwife?) basically did a slightly more advanced exam/questionnaire then I got another referral to an actual OBGYN for a colposcopy and scheduled it for April 1st. I thought I would have the colpo/biopsy with the APRN during my March appointment but I guess that's just a "yeah your primary is right you need a colpo" step. Idk, very confusing.
April 1st comes, the doctor that was available for that date (I wanted to get this done asap) had some less than favorable reviews on the internet so that made me a little uneasy. Between each appointment I was spending hours researching, redditing, googling, youtubing etc. so I wouldn't go into this completely ignorant and hopefully minimize the chance of any BS being pulled.
My doctor was, to my surprise, very chill, professional and knowledgeable. Took time to answer all my questions, we even had some laughs. Please ladies, find a doctor that makes you feel comfortable if you can. No question is a silly question and no doctor or nurse should make you feel like you're stupid for raising concerns or asking a lot of questions. If you feel something is off or a doc is being an a-hole, that's your sign to GTFO and find another doctor. Pleasant staff make this experience so much better.
The colpo: wasn't that bad. They crack you open like a pistachio with a speculum (like they would use for pap smear) and take a look at your cervix with this scope. A vinegar solution is applied to highlight the abnormal cells. My doc's colpo machine did have a screen that could show me what he was seeing, although it wasn't working and honestly I'm glad. I think seeing what was going on inside of me would make me worry more. So I just had to take my doctor's word for it when he said the area of abnormal cells was small.
I had a punch biopsy done during my colpo and oh man. It hurt. I wasn't instructed to take ibuprofen beforehand. I'm not sure if they didn't think I would need a biopsy or what but holy crap. 2 samples were taken, at 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock on my cervix, and I received a curettage as well. The curettage didn't hurt or was minor in comparison to the biopsy. After the biopsy, a "liquid bandage" was applied, this bandage is called Monsel's solution I believe. It's a mustard yellow paste.
The biopsy caused immediate moderate cramping and pain. The "6 o'clock" one, which was a larger sample, made me flinch and let out a little yelp. 6 o'clock hurt a lot. I will say that my doctor talked about what he was going to do before doing or as he was doing it so it's not like I was taken entirely by surprise. However, you don't realize how sensitive your cervix is until a chunk is taken from it.
After the biopsy, I felt this dull pain, nausea and cramping and apparently had excessive bleeding. Dribbles of blood were present on the procedure chair and floor, some of which had been cleaned up by the nurse/assistant prior to me sitting up so who knows how much was there. Doc confirmed this excessive bleeding in my after visit summary, but it wasn't so much so that it warranted some kind of emergency. I experienced some spotting for about 2 to 3 days after. I expected more blood in my pads but that never happened. I think seeing all this blood, knowing where it came from and why it was there made me even more nauseous.
The nausea and...weakness after the biopsy really had me messed up. I could barely focus as my doctor went into detail about what to possibly expect afterwards, what he saw (he even drew a little picture of my cervix), answered any questions I had. We said our goodbyes, I got dressed and made a mad dash to the waiting area's water cooler. I figured some cool water would calm my nerves and my stomach. I stupidly walked home after the procedure (I live in Chicago, very close to my doc's office). Nothing terrible happened but in hindsight, what if I passed out in the office, in the street? If you can ladies, have someone with you to get you home safely and for support. Or, at the very least, take an uber after.
After getting home I checked my pad, everything was good although I did have some "coffee grounds" in my pad from the Monsel's solution. The doc warned me about this and to expect it for a few days. I crashed on my couch for a little nap before going to a concert later that evening because I don't know how to take a day off.
The next month following my biopsy was largely uneventful, I did have intercourse about 2.5 weeks post-biopsy with no issues or pain, although the thought of infection and the whole process made it hard to enjoy sex (I healed up just fine so this was more unnecessary worrying). I didn't experience any pain, fever, or excessive bleeding, only some mild discomfort/cramping/lethargy (likely due to mentally stressing myself out) on day 2. I did however, experience one moment that freaked me out:
Day 3 post-biopsy: I got home from after work (my job requires me to be on my feet most of the day) and felt something in my vagina. It felt like a freshly inserted, regular sized tampon. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and reached down to feel something coming out of me. Something was crowning and breaching my labial gates. I reached back down and slowly pulled out whatever object was in me. It felt like a horror movie. I knew I had inserted nothing.
Based on the feeling of said object, I thought my cervix was falling out of my body. I started panicking a bit. Panicking intensified after pulling out this...sac.
It looked alien. It was this membrane sac, about the size of a pitted date when rolled up. Within the sac contained those "coffee grounds." I knew it was the Monsel's solution and likely I had shed the liquid bandage. That logical thought didn't stop me from freaking out and gently wrapping my alien sac Starbucks trash baby in a piece of toilet paper and further sealing this HPV caused abomination into a Ziploc bag. My plan was to run to the ER and show them the freak I had given birth to.
Problem is, I had just lost my is insurance and was in process of getting a new plan, so a costly trip to the ER, waiting for hours for them to likely tell me I'm a panicky idiot wasn't really in the cards. So what does any overly anxious patient do? Turn to Dr. Google of course! I found a couple of reddit posts from women who had experienced the same thing but there wasn't much information on what had just slithered out of me. I found one of those "pay $5 for any kind of advice: legal, medical etc! Chat with an expert today!" sites that seemed legit enough. I got in chat with a doc quickly after some AI pre-chat prompts and he confirmed my suspicions: it was the Monsel's solution that I had expelled from my body. I was told this wasn't unusual and so long as I don't have an excessive bleeding, fever, pain, blah blah, I should be fine.
And I was fine. If you experience this and don't have any accompanying complications, you should be fine too. It is weird when it happens though.
My results came back about 2 weeks later. What was initially thought to be LSIL turned out to be HSIL/CIN-III, and my OBGYN told me I needed a LEEP sooner than later. My appointment was scheduled for next month and I still didn't have insurance. These month long waits between appointments were anxiety ridden depression fests, fueled by junk food and further exacerbated by internet research. The LEEP posts on Reddit had me so concerned, I reached out to my doctor to see if I could be put under general anesthesia for my LEEP, instead of receiving local anesthesia. Women on here described LEEPs as painful and traumatic. Just awful stuff. If you're reading this you've likely read those too. They described leg shaking after the shots, crying, etc. My doctor left me a detailed voice message and responded to my concerns with: "most women tolerate it well but if you're uncomfortable we'll send you to the hospital and put you under monitored sedation/anesthesia." I was still worried but was willing to see how I felt after local anesthesia. I was pleased he was open to working with me and my comfort level.
Fast forward to Wednesday last week:
The night before my LEEP, I got maybe an hour of sleep. I couldn't turn my mind off. My heart started racing an hour before my procedure and I had weird heart palpitations/irregular heart beat. I showered to calm myself down and be clean for my appointment, took 600 mg of ibuprofen as instructed, then headed out. Got a little snack from Starbucks (croissant for before since I was walking to my doc and some madeleines for after to help offset some potential nausea). For my LEEP I wore a big comfy sweater, some "period" leggings (leggings that aren't too tight and I don't care if they get blood on them) and brought a pad with me just in case. They should provide one for you but I'd rather be prepared. Got to the office, checked in, did the pregnancy urine test, got called in quickly, went through the whole height/weight/med history routine. About 5 mins later I sat down in my OBGYN's office. He described the lab findings (CIN-III), detailed the procedure, the tools and supplies they would use, aftercare and answered any questions I had. He then led me into a procedure room (pretty sure it was the same one I had my bloody biopsy in). I got undressed from the waist down like a pap, sat in the procedure chair, draped a little paper blanket over my bare bits and waited. The doctor came in with his nurse and went to work.
They again cracked me open with a speculum, this time it was rubberized on some parts. This is so your vagina doesn't get fried from the electrical current, otherwise your pubes and vulva will look like Marv in Home Alone. They also slapped a little rubber pad on my thigh to "ground" me like I'm some kind heavy duty machinery. Colpo machine comes forward so the doc can zoom in on your cervix. He applied 2 types of solution if I recall correctly: the normal vinegar solution to highlight abnormal cells and an iodine solution to highlight normal cells. Someone can correct me if that's wrong. The solutions and their uses were the least of my concerns.
He then went in with 4 lidocaine injections to numb the area, total of about 1 ml of lido I think. He used a very small needle and upon insertion, it felt like a little pinch. Now, for those afraid of needles, it is a long ish needle but the actual poke is minimal. Although some women report that the inject was the worst part. That was not the case here but the visual can be a bit alarming. After the first injection, I didn't feel the other 3. I felt comfortable going forward with the procedure, and my doc kept checking in with me to make sure I was ok. I did feel an increase in my heart rate post-lidocaine, but it wasn't concerning. I wasn't sure if this was from the "holy shit he's about to start zapping" or as a side effect of the lidocaine. Regardless, my heart rate came back down to a reasonable level given the circumstances in a few minutes. I was actually so comfortable at this point, I managed to relax my asscheeks after they were clamped together like a vise grip from the moment my derriere hit the chair.
I'm not really sure what happened after the injections, I knew he was using the LEEP machine but I don't know how long that lasted and when the wound was being created vs. cauterized as I didn't feel anything except some mild cramping/discomfort. I didn't flinch like I did with the biopsy. When the doc was finished, he applied a little bit of Monsel's, described how much he removed, went over aftercare again, we said our thank yous and goodbyes. I got dressed and went on my way, snacking on my madeleines on my way home (I walked again lol). I felt well post-procedure and even stopped at Target to do some shopping and smell some summer collection candles. I did feel myself bleeding but when I got home and checked the pad, there was a minimal amount of blood. Some women here have reported a distinct burning smell during their LEEP, I didn't smell anything but I also have sinus issues soooo maybe I just didn't pick up on it? My appointment was at 9 a.m. and I was out by 9:32.
When I got home I had some orange juice, water then slept for about 8 to 9 hours. I did have little cry sessions here and there after my procedure. But I was also sleep deprived and know I tend to get emotional. Regardless, take some time off after a LEEP, stay home around your own germs if possible. Get some of your favorite snacks, a face mask and a Nintendo switch or something. This is a good time for some self-care and rest, girlies.
Friday, day after LEEP: no bleeding, minor cramping/discomfort.
Saturday: Usual morning pee met with some blood in the toilet paper. Nothing in my pad though. Throughout the day I slept on and off, I've been more tired than usual. My body and mind has gone through some shit so I'm not mad at myself for being sleepy. I did experience some heavier bleeding throughout the day that was mostly dark colored. The blood level was about the same if not less than what I'd experience with a period. No unusual smell. I did shed the liquid bandage. Did have some mild cramping at certain points during the day but not debilitating or worth taking ibuprofen over.
Sunday: Energy levels finally back up to something normal, don't feel as tired. Still bleeding dark red blood/brown discharge but it's minor. Ran some errands today, I figured gravity would cause me to bleed more but it's about the same as yesterday if not less.
If there's interest, I'll check in at maybe the 2 week and 4 week mark, or whenever I remember since this is my throwaway account.
Overall the LEEP was way better than the biopsy in my experience. Reddit had me freaking out. I know I'm lucky, and this post isn't to dismiss any terrible or painful experience other women have had. I want to share my 'positive' experience, since most of my mental state surrounding my diagnosis, fears, the upgrade from LSIL to HSIL, has been negative.
Oh and I did get insurance literally a week before my LEEP, thank God.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask them below!
TL;DR: -Colpo: easy -Biopsy: sucks. Most pain I've ever felt and felt nauseous/uneasy after. Ask your doctor if you can take ibuprofen prior to a biopsy. Monsel's solution/liquid bandaid came out in sac-like alien baby about 36 to 48 hours later. Was able to have intercourse 2-2.5 weeks post-biopsy. No insertion of anything for about 3 days after. -LEEP: easy-ish? 600 mg ibuprofen 1 hour before procedure. Anxiety inducing but once I was numbed with local anesthesia, I felt nothing except some mild cramping. The injection didn't hurt and caused no serious side effects. No smell. No excessive bleeding. Felt fine post-LEEP but did experience some bleeding. It's been less than a week so I'll update if anything spooky happens, if no updates then expect everything went fine. No intercourse/tampons/etc for 3 to 6 weeks.
Tips: -Prioritize self care throughout this experience especially. It'll help you stay calm and heal. -Dress comfy for procedures -Take some snacks and water to your appointments for post-procedure ick -Do your research. Knowledge is power even if it makes you uncomfortable. Youtube was a great resource for me, I like to see what's going to happen before it does. Just try not to get worked up like I did. -Ask questions. If a doctor makes you feel stupid, see another doctor if possible. -Have someone with you for support and to make sure you get home ok -If you experience fever, intense pain, soaking through pads, or notice any weird smell: GO TO A DOCTOR

😂 the ticket to getting to lay in my bed is you gotta wash your feet. Sorry. My bed, my rules. Dont like it, then don’t lay in my bed? I can’t stand the thought of dirty black feet in my bed so I make the kids rinse them in the bath tub first 😂 I do it too! We have a little dance party in the tub. I love the feeling of clean refreshed feet! It’s really weird but harms no one.
Anyways, I had the funny thought today that it’s going to be one of those things they might carry into adulthood thinking it’s standard practice but others will think is really weird.
“Hold on, gotta wash my feet before getting in bed.”
“🤨”
What are some weird but harmless things you do that outsiders would think is bizzar? Something your kids will look back and laugh about after we are dead and gone? “Remember when mom used to…”

It’s my first time posting here and ohmygod. I just wanna say that I love this show so much. I started watching during its peak back in covid season, I think at around 2020-2021 I guess, then only stopped mid-season 4 bc I was getting so bored when the plot took a turn and suddenly they were all “working for the company” and tbh the whole Scylla plotline is just meh. Then I only picked up right where I left off JUST THIS YEAR, exactly this month, and I have never been so happy coming back to a show I’ve abandoned. The love I have for the show, the characters, the plot, the actors and everything else was relived. It was SOOO good. I miss(ed) having a 10/10 show to look forward to 🥲
Anyway, this is just the list of thoughts and questions I have bc I personally think there are some stuff that went unanswered and/or was never given a proper ending to (?). So here goes:

1. Whatever happened to the recurrence of Michael’s “being sick” plot and the return of his nosebleeds in the season finale of s04? I feel like that subplot just suddenly disappeared with no explanation cause suddenly he was battling it out in Yemen. YEMEN ffs 💀 one day he was having symptoms again and then poof! Suddenly he’s alive and stronger than he’s ever been. I wanted answers cause that was such a huge factor !!
   
2. What happened with Gretchen? Lol I get that she stayed in prison but is that really it? I was also hoping Sara would somehow have a scene wherein she took the wood keychain to Emily.
   
3. The Ending aka the very last episode. Omg. Had such HUGE potential. It was lacking. Where is LJ in the ending? And really? I don’t like that they wrote off Lincoln’s old girlfriend (forgot her name but she was Whistler’s gf) JUST LIKE THAT. They even had a scene in the surf shop. They seemed like a good team. She was there with him post-Michael’s death. The sheba-lincoln loveteam feels forced. And what even were they looking at in the park?!?? Honestly, it feels like it’s just another episode mid-season. PB fans and the characters deserved a better ending. The montage of the s04 finale, for example. That’s the standard. Made me cry and gave me chills.
   
4. T-Bag deserved a better ending. Not having his son killed and him ending up in Fox River. AGAIN.
   
5. Speaking of t-bag, I wanna know what was the reasoning behind the subplot of him getting his prosthetic hand fixed??? Like I was expecting to get answers at the end but was it really necessary??? It feels disconnected tbh. When the prosthetics came to light I even thought that it was a hint to michael faking his own death. But I got zero. Nada 💀 it was so unnecessary.
   
6. Michael’s picture in Sanaa. Who took the damn picture and how??? Just another case of Left Unexplained 😭 I wanted to know the story behind it so bad. All of it.
   
7. I don’t like the subplot that Sara remarried. Lol. So off-brand. That was the love of her life! The way I knew her the entire series, that’s something that she wouldn’t do idk. Feels forced.
   
8. Speaking of, I had a bad gut feeling abt sara’s husband all along 😂💀
   
9. The acting was lacking. I am speaking only in terms of the scenes wherein Sara was told that Michael might be alive, to the scene where it’s finally confirmed. I don’t know. I expected there to be heavy-drama, I wanted her to wail, to really go all out. I wanted her to be humanized for god’s sake! 7 years later u find out the dead love of your life whom you’ve never gotten to spend a lot of time with even before, COULD BE ALIVE??? Idk I wanted her to go nuts! I ROOTED for her to go crazy! As one should. Both of them actually, esp. when they finally reunited. Cry us a river! This feels like a dream but it isn’t! Where’s the tears of joy and confusion and also anger (esp. for Sara’s part)???
   
10. The Explanation. I wanted the whole explanation to the whole faking the death and Kaniel Outis thing to be told at the end of the ep. Idk it’s just a huge bomb to be dropped on such a mid scene. But I do get lincoln’s sense of urgency though.
    

Might add more to the list when I remember it 😭 want answers to these sooo bad. But hey. PB still one of my fave tv shows of all time. GOATED 🤝🔥💯 pls suggest a tv show like this so I could cure my hangover 🥺

Welcome, ainme
Do you have what it takes to conquer the tower? With Season 2 set to air in July, u/laughing-fox13 and I would like to open the door of the tower to you.
Will you face the tower's challenges and quit?
Will you die trying?
Or will you realize your potential and discover what lies within?
Reach the top and everything will be yours.
What is Tower of God?
"Twenty-Fifth Bam is a boy who had only known a dark cave, a dirty cloth, and an unreachable light his entire life. So when a girl named Rachel came to him through the light, his entire world changed. Becoming close friends with Rachel, he learned various things about the outside world from her. But when Rachel says she must leave him to climb the Tower, his world shatters around him. Vowing to follow after her no matter what it takes, he sets his sight on the tower, and a miracle occurs."
"Thus begins the journey of Bam, a young boy who was not chosen by the Tower but opened its gates by himself."
-MAL Rewrite
Why should I watch Tower of God?
Tower of God is the rare breed of epic fantasy within whose world and characters a person can lose themself. Currently spanning more than 600 Webtoon chapters over nearly a decade and a half, SIU has crafted a vast labyrynth of narrative, lore, and character intrigue to rival any long-running work of fiction.
If you're the kind of person who seeks stories with distinct worlds, locales, power systems, politics, races, lifeforms, history, and challenges, or if you want something as simple as a story about a boy seeking to fulfill the dream of the girl he adores alongside an interesting cast of colorful characters, then Tower of God is for you.
Tower of God also boasts an original soundtrack by Kevin Penkin. If you're a fan of Penkin's work on other shows such as Made in Abyss, Rising of the Shield Hero, The Apothecary Diaries, or the currently airing Spice and Wolf remake, then Tower of God will be well worth your time.
Series Information
MAL Anilist Kitsu AniDB ANN
Proposed Schedule
Should this thread receive enough interest, the plan is to begin on Monday, June 17 and watch one episode per day, ending with a series discussion on June 30. Threads would go up at 10pm UTC/6pm EST/3pm PST.
Where to Watch
Tower of God is available to stream subbed and dubbed on Crunchyroll.
One last note: Potential rewatchers, please make sure to tag anything that could be considered a spoiler. Tower of God has a lot of interesting lore, history, and narrative directions that are best experienced blind, and I want newcomers to be able to have the experience of discovering it all for the first time unspoiled. This goes especially for [Tower of God]any and all references to Rachel.
Please refer to this thread if you need guidance for adding spoiler tags on anime.
Thanks, and I hope you’ll consider joining!

I’m a female living with my grandmother and her current husband. I used to live across the country but moved back home when my grandma started presenting health problems. She is such a private person that she would never tell me her conditions until I moved in to help take care of her. It took her a year to share that she had a major cardiac event which triggered my desire to move close to her since she is the last good family I have.
My grandparents were extremely loving and supportive growing up, but my grandmother has always needed two men in her life. My mom has always joked that she is the most traditional member of our family- we are descended from a pre columbian matriarchal society.
When I was 13, my grandma started seeing her current husband shortly after her previous husband died. Grandma never married my grandfather but he stayed in the picture. This new guy, I’ll call him Peter, was super inappropriate. Right away he started bringing me gifts which mostly consisted of army clothes. He would have me dress up in them and then take pictures. My mom immediately saw the red flags and was very vocal about how creepy he was. My home life was extremely unstable, my mom and her husband would constantly fight- I’m talking screaming matches waking my siblings and I up in the middle of the night. My grandpa and grandma were the only sanctuary away from that for years until Peter was allowed into her home.
I remember one summer where we went over to his house while he was moving in, he gave me a can of some off brand drink already open. It tasted funny but I chalked it up to it being off brand. Then he told me to follow him into the basement and from there my memory just sort of fades out. The next thing I know we’re driving away from his house and I have no idea what time or day it is. I just remember coming to and thinking “that’s weird.”
After that he started taking every opportunity to touch me. I don’t mean sexually, stuff like always grabbing or rubbing my lower back whenever he would pass me in the kitchen. It almost always happened in the kitchen and it was often on my back. He would grope my thighs and tell me how muscular I was getting. When I was lifting weights in my home gym he would press himself completely against me and show me the “correct” way to do a tricep workout while I was bent over.
The older I got the more this behavior seemed disgusting and it didn’t stop until I was 23 but that was because I was never around anymore and had moved 1000 miles away. When I moved back I thought that I could let it go and at first it was nice to just be polite with Peter while taking care of my grandma. But then I got a spine injury and that quickly changed. I would lie on the floor at first for relief because I was scared of becoming addicted to pain pills. So for a month all I did was stay home crying on and off from the pain and praying things would get better. Then one day while playing a game on my laptop I felt someone watching me. It was so painful to turn at the waist that I had to crane my neck but in the doorway was Peter, staring at my ass. At first he flinched then tried to act like he was a concerned and just coming to check on me. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he stood there a while longer before finally walking away. I did start taking muscle relaxers but because of the summer heat and my constant pain I wanted to lie on the cool floor of my office. It doesn’t have a door, just a doorway that I put a curtain in front of. Well, Peter started acting creepy all over again. He would literally sneak across the house- his room is on the other side- just to peak through the curtain and stare. To him it was probably like a game, he’s an 80+ year old nasty man who blasts porn and homophobic rhetoric on his tablet. I became hyper vigilant, always stressed that he would try to barge in on my space at any moment. I would lay facing the door after the first time but he still kept doing his shuffle and slowly open the curtain even though the curtain is mostly see through.
I spent the whole summer in recovery and physical therapy but the floor in my personal space was always the most comfortable place in the house. This went on that whole time and every time I caught him- there were times I didn’t notice he was there until the last second so he probably snuck up on me several other times without me knowing at all- he would say “just wanted to check and see that you’re okay. Funny how all that “checking up” stopped when I eventually started staying in my bedroom where I can lock the door.
After that it was like being 14 again only this time instead of touching he would ogle. My chest is still something he stares at 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Then in January of 2023 I caught him going through my underwear. I had been extra careful while washing everything because I was afraid he would pull this shit but I walked away for ten minutes and when I came back he had all my lingerie in his hands. I. Fucking. Screamed. I yelled at him to put my clothes back where he found them but Peter just started throwing everything from the washer into the dryer, and then he grabbed everything out of my dirty laundry basket and threw that in the dryer too. He likes to cover his tracks so I think he was trying to make it seem like he was being oh so helpful and putting my laundry in the dryer for me. The way he was touching my underwear told a completely different story.
I love my grandma, but at 22 I tried talking to her about Peter’s behavior and what happened when I was 13. Her response was “I don’t believe that happened.” So, now at 30 I don’t even want to try talking. I just want to enjoy my what time I have left with her because once she’s gone then everyone who raised me is gone. That thought is terrifying and does not help that now when I see Peter all I want to do is scream and throw things. I want to make him cry, make him feel scared, make him run and hide in his own home for the rest of his miserable, disgusting life. Anyways, just wanted to be able to say something somewhere for once and unfiltered. if any other people out there are feeling alone and stuck in horrible situations just know that there's love for you in people you have not met and you're worth more than the bullshit you're put through.

I was friends with this guy for 20 years. He got engaged last November and asked me to be his best man last September.
I moved out of his/my hometown some months before that to a town around two hours away, so we hadn’t hung out as much. However, I tried to invite him to things over this way and let him know when I was in town. He consistently would be busy (and I was guilty of this sometimes as well, I’m not perfect either) but would get mad at me and say “I never wanted to hangout anymore” even when I would offer a rain check and an alternative date or activity.
All activities had to be on his own terms. My girlfriend got a concussion in March of this year and he invited us on a cruise and to a rollercoaster park. I told him that she can’t attend those events due to her concussion, and offered some alternative events like camping or hiking. He got irrationally angry and basically accused her and me of lying so that we could “avoid him”.
The biggest clencher: he has only met her once when we invited him to dinner at our house. He has not met her parents. When I had to take a rain check on a hangout in December due to catching Covid (and sending him the positive test), he called me and immediately went on a paranoid rant about how she was lying to me about her finances and how her father, who helped her buy the house, would not have let his daughter shop at Habitat for Humanity “because it’s for poor people”. Put him on “probation” after that.
In April, last month, I agreed to attend a festival with him and my girlfriend was going to show up later or earlier due to a horse lesson. She is still taking lessons, but is only doing groundwork and basic handling due to her concussion. We got ready to leave for the festival and he texts me “oh yeah we left early”. Didn’t respond to me for two hours. By this time, gf was at her lesson but texted them and invited them to dinner. He calls me, and tells me he’s at a golf course near by and invites me. I show up, and he immediately grills me because my girlfriend isn’t there. “Geez, some girlfriend you have who ISN’T TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND”. I explained the situation yet again to him.
Also grilled me for not having had planned his bachelors party when the wedding is still two years away and he hasn’t even sent me a list of groomsmen yet.
The next day, he sends me a text: “hey, if (gf) isn’t riding anymore why is she still taking lessons?” I explain the situation one more time. His response? “What the fuck, that makes no sense man. She’s taking lessons on a Sunday when the barn is closed? You’re telling me the barn owner is going to come in on their one day off and give her groundwork lessons? That makes no sense and both I and you are obviously getting played like a fiddle”.
I just texted him today and formally dropped out of the wedding and the friendship and blocked him. It is done.

Well, fellow apes what a week that has been. Quite a roller coaster ride (again) surely leaving all of us a bit exhausted after having to digest all the things that happened over the past days. Some were busy with having their eyes glued to the screen during work frantically switching between X, Reddit and chart, others with burning through their last brain cells by trying to decipher all those memes and some with finding some spear cash in their couch to buy more. And probably many of us doing all of that together. Below the line that week brought us many SIGNS including the ultimate SIGN so let’s recap.
FIRST THE OUVERTURE
After 3 YEARS OF NIGHT many of us found ourselves confronted with the question “YOU ARE STILL HERE ? IT’S OVER.” And let’s face it, somehow that was an understandable question. After such an incredible long time, with the engagement and the hype fading, with the price in an undeniable huge downward channel, any outsider making such statement had a point. IT APPEARED THAT WE HAD TAKEN THE DEMISE OF OUR STOCK RATHER LIGHTLY. All you could put against it was I LIKE THE STOCK.
Then the week before, the price started turning up. From 10 towards 18. Nice move but nothing out of the ordinary. Just one of the usual periodic run ups within the big downwards channel, nothing to get excited about it.
However then this week we started to break out of that death spiral and managed to hold above.
After 3 years being in coma some BLEEPS ON THE MONITOR appeared. You’d watch that bleeps carefully but holding back on excitement. What are the ODDS that your beloved stock after that long time would suddenly WAKE UP FROM SLEEP.
But the bleeps got stronger and faster and clearly something was going on. The signals on the monitor showed odd SHAPES LIKE A WELL KNOWN ANIMAL. You were still not convinced. How often had you been tricked over the past years, just to see your hopes crushed again.
Yet this time it’s different. Out of nowhere THE KITTY RETURNS, THE DRAGON AWAKES and price rockets up to 80. THE DOG DAYS ARE OVER.
WE ARE BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN.
So all fine and dandy ? Not yet. IT’S GONNA BE A BUSY FEW WEEKS. Or months or years. Who knows, who cares. After WALKING BACKWARD for quite some while we started to WALK FORWARD again and JUMPED OVER SOME WALLS.
Maybe there is a big PLAN. Maybe there is even no PLAN needed as it it’s anyhow inevitable so we just need to wait it out.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE SECRET ? Maybe it’s LEAPS, maybe it’s option chains and gamma ramps, warrants, dividends, NFTs,a default of a bank or hedgefck, a market crash, or some other crap.
Maybe someone pulls a KANSAS CITY SHUFFLE or plays the REVERSE CARD.
Nobody really knows as IT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.
But ONE DAY YOU’LL UNDERSTAND.
Whether it will be a sequel or a REQUEL I don’t have a clue and I don’t really care. I’m dumb money and definitely not a successful investor. In fact I hate it. I only invest some money in stocks because the f*ing governments and central banks are destroying FIAT by creating money out of thin air, creating mega inflation and with that steal our savings. So you are forced to look for ways to preserve the little you have.
Sure I spent quite some time on trying to understand the market and all ist fancy instruments. If you join a GAME you better make sure to understand the rules. But what’s the point of knowing the rules when the opponent can bend and manipulate them in broad day light and the referee looks conveniently away. So I’m done with that crap.
But with GME it’s a different game. AS STUPID AS WE APPEAR we have something which makes us unbeatable. Resilience, patience and strong beliefs. And we are many. STAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS and activate PREP MODE AND HOLDING PATTERN.
We know who THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY is in this game. But IT’S NOT ABOUT REVENGE IT’S A RECKONING.
So stay cold blooded and level headed. Don’t let yourself get over-hyped, don’t let yourself get FUDed. No targets, no limits, JUST UP.
Obviously the kitty wouldn’t have returned and put so much time and effort in hitting us with a stakkato of well prepared high level MEMES if he wouldn’t know that something BIG is in the making. So IF HE MOVES I’m MOVED.
However, the ultimate SIGN this week that we are still game on, always were and always will be was not delivered to us by the kitty, RC, corporate filings or some DD.
No, the ultimate undisputable SIGN was delivered by our opponents themselves and I’m sure they hate that they had to give it to us and show their dirty hand.
Having the price RUNNING up from 10 to 80 (let’s not forget that’s 320 before split) delivered waterproof evidence that they indeed never closed, never settled. That SIGN IS A WARNING to all of those still badly TRAPPED that there is no escape, nowhere to RUN nowhere to hide. There is no STRATEGIE SORTIE.
That’s all we need to know. As it’s clear who will win this GAME OF CHICKENS. Not those greasy desk warriors who are hanging at a thread and having billions at stake but a bunch of battle tested DUMP APPEARING apes who found the LOOPHOLE and don’t even blink no matter what crap you throw at them and who have nothing to lose by just holding on.
So whenever it will be and however it will be, we never had and after this week absolutely don’t have any reason to doubt that one day we will

 GO OUT WITH A BIG BANG ! 

Just HANG IN THERE and and STAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

The cage
The darkness consumes me. My entire body, mind and soul, I can’t sha me the feeling of hopelessness off. It lingers for days and doesn’t want to leave. It can’t leave. At least not while I’m trapped in this cage. Bars wide enough for me to see the grey sky and dark clouds that have glimpses of freedom. But not wide enough for me to escape and try to get a hold of it. To feel and embrace it. I want to leave this cage more than anything but I can’t. I’m scared to try anything about my situation. Not anymore. I tried to escape before and it ended me up even worse up than before. I can’t escape. Sometimes I don’t want to. Maybe this is where I belong. Maybe I deserve the darkness. The pain. The loneliness. The captivity in this cage. Maybe this is the reason why I wasn’t able to escape for the first time. This is where I belong. This dirty, dark, cold cage is my home. My forever. No one but me, fellow people trapped in their cages and the free birds outside. Flying around and flaunting their freedom to us, people trapped inside our cages. They fly around and avoid our cages. They spread their wings and reach places and heights that are unimaginable to us. This place is all we gave while they have no limits. I wish I had their freedom. My hand touches the cold bars of my cage and I reach out my hand, wanting to feel the colourful birds wings. They’re feathers that look so soft and delicate. I want to get the taste of their freedom and I will be satisfied this time. I stretch my hand out and try to touch one of the bird flying by. The bird is so angelic with its snowy coloured body and long feathered wings. The bird is flapping around its wings and twirls around in the very sky, without a care in the world. It’s heavenly glow makes the dark sky seem like clear blue sky. The clouds seem less grey. My energy is draining because of the heavenly light and it’s calling me, pushing me towards it. My arm stretches out on its own and tries to reach for the bird. My heart and sound aches for the angelic dove that haunts my mind. I need it. Just a small taste. One last time. Please, I beg for you. As if hearing my pleas, the dove lands on my finger. Pulling my hand back, I admire its beauty and elegance. My fingers brush against its feathers as a manic smile creeps its way on my face. “What a pretty little birdy. Good birdy. Just a small taste. You won’t feel a thing. It will be our little secret.” My voice comes out desperate and needy. My grip around the birds body becomes tighter, making the bird chirp and squirm in pain and Panik. “Shh my darling. I’ll be quick. I promise my darling little bird.” I whisper in a raspy voice and tighten my grip more before opening my mouth and chowing down at its angelic body. The dove squirms and screeches, trying to escape by flapping its wings but it’s a little too late. I bite down harder and blood spills out of the bird. After few moments I pull away and lick my bloody lips, looking down at the bird with distain. “I’m sorry my little birdy. Let me out of your misery.” My vice comes out shrill before quickly snapping the wings and head off. The body flaps and squirms around in my hand before it finally stops resisting and dies. I get another good look at the bird and my smile falls when I realise the bird is not an angelic dove with a heavenly glow but a juts a normal disgusting bird. The disappointment is evident on my face and the deception is set deep inside my chest. “.. lying little birdy.” I scoff under my breath and toss the bird in the pile of other deceitful dead birds. I crawl back to my corner of the cage and feel the dread and darkness fills me up again. “Damnit. I need another one.” My senses get clouded by my hunger and restlessness as I need for another one consumes me. My eyes look out the window again and spot another angelic bird flying by. A maniac smile spreads across my face and my eyes widen, almost bulging out of my eye lids. “Hello there, my little birdy.”
-by me
Any feedback?

I have a situation that bothers me and i gotta clear it SOOn. People , even the ones lower in the power scale tend to disregard me despites me having shown to be able to be social , these uni class in particularly traumatized me and tore my hard won recovery from therapy to pieces so you guys know that i need HELP.
I left the group that had traumatized me and lived in uni in post trauma state terrified of people , thanks to analysis i am recovering again and realized that my classmates hold extremely outdated views of me that are harmful. They saw me when i had "low self esteem" and no people skills. I lifted a life of being excluded and i was doing great and was confident BUT my classmates kept pushing the whole "mentally ill" poor thing on me so bad i relapse bad and dumped anyone that held that view. I ended up suffering immense reputational damage and couldnt get into another group after what they did.
These people think i am childish and actively try to pity me. Funily enough i had a part time job while in post trauma and ouside people told me all the time that i was very social and i talked about the uni situation briefly and they all go surprised "How come you've got no friends there? no fucking way!" "I thought you had had a blast with your uni classmates too!"
So its these people that are purposely fucking me up. Few examples:

• gym bros calling me in affectionate nicknames that only my very few close ppl use. Why? cause they wanted my homework and think im lonely and dying for them . Well i played a few cards, first thing first i started leaving without them the only class we share and they pity waited me, i also didnt tell them about an exam date and they bombed it and the day of the exam they went "oh do you have a cheat sheet? do you need one?" trynna act nice like five mins before. I told them no need i would figure anyways. When i asked for help they would disregard me and come up with excuses as to why they couldnt help me knowing damn well i depended on them back them, once they didnt reply and i went to the other unknown classmates an hour before the exam and went "OI GUYS ANYONE THAT KNOWS HOW TO DO QUESTION X,Y,Z? " in a loud voice and someone did help me and it massively saved my grade , later on those gym asses showed up and went "you didnt reply we waited for u at x place, is it all alright?" and i went "no need someone already helped me" notice that was ten minutes before the exam and they were slow as fuck replying and i knew they would leave me hanging, also i gave em excuses as to why i didnt have my homework and when they kept asking in a whatsapp group for homewrok days later i went "For fucks sake, you coulda done your homework in the time you have been asking for it" . They have completely stopped talking to me and sitting nearby :) stopped calling me by these fake ass names and i like it, except for this other shit guy the one i targeted with the homework thing and only talked to me when convenient and we stays around idk why but pisses the shit out of me.

I dont greet anyone at all, i am allowed to frown and be disrespectful, people think im such a poor cause that they let me be mean as fuck and even a professor gives me grace. I cheated in an exam and got forgotten just like that, i tricked another professor into reapplying an exam to me and even used my dads ghost bussiness to hand in evidence of job so i could have access to that privilege and it worked.
A professor went once " you look very sad". I was actually furious that day. My anger can be read as sadness often.
Most of this class think i am dumb , in fact they go "You didnt read the honesty clause part of the exam did you ?" i innocently asked "what clause". That was during the time they had weakened me but i was still social with people. Of course i had read it, what amazes me is how stupid they all think i am while all that has been happening is that i grew too fucking lazy and dependent, OF COURSE I READ THE CLAUSES AND DECIDED TO CHEAT. I have adhd and used that to cover up for those nasty nasty traits of mine and became dehumanized. Now i need myself back and idk how to clean up
The pity greetings have stopped a long time ago. Again since a year ago i dont greet any of my classmates.
About the other people , i am forced to worked with the folks that none respects cause turns out i ruffled the feathers of everyone in my first recovery so hard people exclude me out of some shit envy . Got rid of the classmates that knew me since ighschool and keep seeing me as disadvantage and as if i couldnt make authentic friends. Trust me , not true. My friendships do fail but not for the whole "poor thing" narrative. I am quite charismatic and in good mental health i am downright fantastic.
The highschool uni ex friends stopped talking to me overly friendly and switched to formal. I am going more formal. The plan is , go lone wolf and recover my mental health entirely while excelling at my internships and pursuing a social life somewhere this shit stain isnt present. I know its not me but this fucked up view of me that i wont ever be able to shake off their heads. At this rate i am planning to go independent in my studies so i dont need to ask anything from none of these asses and move onto my adult life healed.
Here's the public view on me:

• Poor dumb thingy
• Weird in a "good" way
• Naive , unrestrained
• Yknow mabel pines, THATS who they used to compare me in the past. IT PISSES THE SHIT OUT OF ME NOW
• Reject, poor thing no one likes
• Mentally ill
• Vulnerable

I cant go back to people cause i am in an addiction that gets triggered by being close to these people and they will most likely harm my mental health. they have seen all my vulnerabilities so i do feel hopeles. Given i will have to move onto a career that needs political skills at this rate i was thinking of using this situation to practice cause tbh long gone the days i wanted to be friends with these assholes.
I am also making a priority understanding things in class and taking my meds consistently cause whats the need of being a slave of these assholes. Even professors try to give me "life lessons" about psychology concepts that i am a thousand times more well acquitanted with than themselves. I also started being more formal when needing to deal with people. My hair is well done always due to expensive treatments and i dress in a fashionable way on the days i dont go "full hobo" due to exams. Maybe that why people outside uni react positively upon meeting me. On contrast there is this other bitch that has disheveled hair , dresses in a non fashhionable way and yet they all respect her and she helps in class and is the gf of the class president. Same bitch that goes around with the attitude of "oh no i know nothing" clearly shes just pretending . Fucking bitch i really do hate her jesus.
Externally i have good things , i am a polyglot , i can put effort into my appeareanced despites not bein gvonventionally attractive and i can be charismatic when in good health SO WHY AM I LOSING IN THIS DYNAMIC? i am very self aware and intellectually curious , far from dumb, i am ambitious, far from the lazy image , i like fashion , talented at working my mindset and are one of the rare people that massively benefits from therapy and can improve greatly with it , external stuff doesnt ruffle me if i am healthy, also like electric guitar and so much more.
Objectively speaking i HAVE HUGE POTENTIAL I HAVE VALUABLE EXTERNAL SHIT yet dont want to base myself off of it because those things are fleeting. WHY AM I LOSING HERE?
I am not well versed in power dynamics , reading 48 laws and the prince and becoming attuned. Need a way to strategically break free of this thanks in advance

My (25F) girlfriend and I (24NB) were planning on having just one birthday party for the both of us next month, since our birthdays are only days apart and I'm going to be visiting her (we are long distance) for the week. We thought it was a good idea to have it together. The ppl invited are just her group of friends (for obvious reasons) whom I get along pretty well and already knew beforehand. The issue came around later when she asked me if she could invite another friend to the party that's not really in the group chat, and I told her that since this is a celebration for the both of us, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
Now, the thing is, I don't like this particular friend at all because of some stuff he did and said in the past (about my gf). They fought and fell apart for a couple of months last year and then at the beginning of this one, after blocking her and removing her from his social media and bad-mouthing her, he asked her to reconnect and talk about it. Apparently a mutual friend convinced him. My gf accepted this and went to have dinner with him and they did talk about it, he apologized for being an asshole but told her that he was just waiting for her to reach out (cause she used to do that when they fought before and now she didn’t). At the end, she told him that they couldn't go back to what they were, but they could see how things go. She asked for my opinion on this and I told her that based on the things he said at the meeting and all that, I wouldn't really trust him, but at the end of the day it was her choice and I'd respect whatever she decided on, whether they are friends again or just acquaintances. That doesn't mean I don't have my own thoughts about it though. He was an immature asshole and he hurt her and made her cry. She was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts and had depressive episodes after all went down. I understand she wants to forgive him, and I actually like how she can put all behind them and move on, but I'm not really like that.
Anyways, that was it. She told me she wouldn't want to hang out with him like just the two of them like before, but that she wouldn't avoid him if he happen to be in the same place or hanging out with the same friends.
As far as I know, they haven't been talking at all. But now she told me she wants to invite him to the birthday party and wanted to know how I felt about it. And I was honest. I don't like him and I would rather not see him, if it can be avoided. I wouldn't have said anything if it was just her party, of course, because she has the right to invite whoever she wants, but since it was a celebration for the both of us and since she asked, I guess I thought it would've been nice to have a say and all that. This didn't really sit right with her.
We had a huge fight about it and she told me she wanted to invite him anyways, and if I didn't want him there bc it was my birthday as well, we should do two separate parties so she can invite him to hers. Under normal circumstances, that would've been fine by me. But as I established before, we are long distance. None of my friends or family are going to celebrate with me there, so I think the idea is rather dumb; the only person who's not going to be invited to mine is him, the rest of the guests would be the same and really, would they even want to go to two different reunions with a two day difference just because of this one person? At the end, I told her it was fine and I would just bear with it. I'm not an immature person who's going to fill the room with negative energy just because of this, and the things he did are not really unforgivable crimes to the point I wouldn't want to be in the same room as him. He's just an asshole and a bad friend. I didn't really like the fact that she asked me like I had a choice at all, because at the end it was either we invite him or you make your own party outside of mine, but anyways.
So, that's solved. I can compromise on that and I also understand her point, I guess, since at the end of the day he is (was?) one of her closest friends. I don't know.
The thing that has been bothering me now is that after all of this went down, we talked about it more deeply and she told me that it doesn't make sense that I would hold a grudge towards the people that are in her life, cause the problems she has have all to do with her and whoever that person is and not, well, me.
And I don't really know how to feel about that? I had issues with some friends in the past and ex partners that were toxic, and the ppl around me despise them. I have a complicated relationship with my mom as well, and most of them hold resentment towards her for that reason and I'm aware of this. These problems are none of their business, I know, but I thought it was normal to watch them react to it and form their own opinions toward those people because they hurt me. And I'm dear to them. And it's the same the other way around. If you hurt my friends, I don't like you, whether you are a family member or an ex boyfriend or a toxic friend.
I asked her what does she think about the ppl that hurt me, and she told me she doesn't have any kind of resentment towards them because is not her place. She might not like them bc of their actions, but that's about it. If I decide to forgive them, she welcomes them back into her life as well.
So now I'm wondering, is it wrong of me to hold grudges against someone who hurts the people who are dear to me? Am I the asshole? Should I stop?
I have spoken about this to my friends but I think I need a little more perspective, cause they all behave the same way I do when we are talking about this particular topic.

So we first met when we were 16 and started dating when we were 17. We went from best friends to lovers. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We were perfect together. I'd do anything for her and her craziness made me want to love her more and more. So we broke up when we were just 19. We were kids and we didn't know any better. But both of us couldn't move on. We kept going back to each other and finally got back together. But she told me to wait for 2 years before we start dating properly so she can focus on her graduation and told me not to date someone else. Since then we dated online and a bit casual. Both of us were dirty minded and bit slutty. But I was glad that she shared the same enthusiasm as I did. So fast forward to now I'm done studying and started working and she completed her graduation. This last few months were the best dating months ever for us. She went to a faraway University so we could sneak off together whenever and we went to beach together and started getting intimate too with each other. Nothing much just kissing and oral. But we talked a lot about sleeping together. She was a bit anxious so she took some time to get used to something. So we would always talk about sleeping together so she would be ok. She had promised me that once she's done graduating this year for staying loyal and waiting her for 2 years and support her for in studies n everything i did to her we will have sleep together and even discussed everything how we will do it etc etc.
So what happened this week was I came across a random video of of 2 people naked and doing stuff. The girl looked so much like my gf that I was scared it was her. I kept contacting her but she was asleep n woke up an hour later. She convinced me that the girl in the video wasn't my gf. She even showed me how they looked different and had different marks on their body. She talked to me for hours to make sure I was ok. Because I was very shaken up by what happened. I really love her and the thought of her with someone else just drove me crazy. I couldn't help but cry. She had never been with anyone before and I was the only guy she was even intimate with. She showed me all her scars and her birthmark. N then once I saw it again. I could see that she wasn't my gf but a lookalike. But that incident shook me alot. I was scared that the other girl from the video would post more videos and people might think it's my girl. I was really scared. But my gf stayed and explained to me. Even talked to me so I could see they both had different voices. Then the next day she was quite. It was quite weird because she's never quite she always talks my head off. So I asked her what's wrong. She told me that she was really hurt that I wouldn't trust her. That I thought she was lying to me. That she has never hidden anything from me. That's true I know the worst and most embarrassing things about her family too. So I do trust her . But she says it'd have been ok if you asked me once, twice or maybe 5 times. But you kept on asking me the whole day. So my gf was a bit upset but we made up. (But I was not convince with what she said I just wanted some extra confirmation n love which all men can relate.) we've been having arguments since then. But we made up. But today she told me that she's not ready to sleep together and wants me to wait for one more year before we do it. She said she wants both of us to start earning and be stable before we both sleep together and then I lost it at her because 2 years before she promised me she is will do it with me without any condition and stopped me from dating other. How could she hurt me like this? She led me on making me believe we'll sleep together and now this? How do I tell her that she's hurting me ? '( At once I'm ready to understand her because I love her but she is treating me very badly she want me to compromise n wants me not to complain or share my feelings about it or be sad about it n wants me to understand her " actually we had this argument before during her early college days she said wait till her college gets completed then she said wait till her graduation gets completed and now she wants me to wait for one more year" as we were dating casually )' N That she should have done it with me for me. When I told her this she was really upset and angry said that I don't love or care about her anymore n raised complain on my love. She has broken my trust and my heart.
So people of reddit how can I make her understand that her behaviour is hurting me alot? How do we fix our relationship?

This is a week after he broke down and told me the truth about things and that he is sick, would do anything to change and this is a repeated cycle in his life and he has “ruined people.” I took him back after he discarded me for a month, while sleeping next to me in my home, raged on and was verbally and mentally abusive telling me the most terrible things almost daily, and went and slept with someone and possible multiple other people. It’s insane how these people will use your words and emotions against you and as their own. He turns everything around on me, IM the manipulative evil one even though he literally admits to having bpd with narcissistic traits and that nothing he said was valid only to try to hurt me. I stupidly believed he would get into therapy and remember our moment of clarity and I am heartbroken (to say the absolute least) once again. But I see this is truly never going to end, he literally lives in a different reality and will twist any story to make him the victim. I can’t understand how anyone in the world could see themselves as the victim after how he has treated me the last month. I’ve lost 15 pounds and my mind has never been so messed with. There’s so many worse screenshots but I now have the personality and nervous system of an abused person so I feel as if I’m wrong for sharing this even anonymously already. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy and this is insanity.

I met this guy 9 months ago. At the beginning he asked if I can cook, I told him I don't like cooking, but I can do it, turns out he hates cooking, although he also can cook. I assured him that in case things get serious, we'll get a solution to the problem.
Fast forward, we're seeing each other regularly, at times we spend Mo-Fr in my place, other times in his. Even though I don't like cooking, I usually cook like 2-4 times in a week, like from scratch. After some health condition that I had back in 2016, I've been cooking since 2019. All my health problems got better like 90% so I've sticked to it, even though I don't enjoy cooking that much.
Since we spend so much time together, I just cooked like usual, not thinking much of it, only that instead of 1 person meal, I add more ingredients to cater for 2. So after 1 month I realise how tiring all this gets. When I was alone, sometimes I'd just fix something quick that took me 15-20 mins and I'd be good. Since we're now 2, I've always made real dishes which need longer preparation and cleaning up afterwords.
After 1 month, realising how tired I get, I ask him to help me in the kitchen, as in to be cooking 1-2 times a week, he comes up with excuses how he work long hrs and is tired when he gets home. Mind you, we both work 40 hrs a week, plus I take some weekend jobs, to save extra. In a month I work 2 Saturdays and 1 Sunday, all half a day. I try negotiating with him that I'm also tired when I come home, but still stand in the kitchen for 1 hr to prepare us something. What annoys me is that when I'm home earlier, I cook, when he's home earlier, he'll be sitting on computer playing games with his feet on the table, waiting for me.
So one day we come to a conclusion that he'll be cooking over the weekend at least for me to get some rest. 4 weeks go by, and all the weekends he doesn't cook. One weekend I came home after visiting a friend. He thought I was going to jump straight into the kitchen like I've always done, but I didn't. Instead of fixing us something, he goes and makes himself a sandwich, continues to eat it right next to me, without even asking if I was hungry. This is someone, I've always cooked for, even made lunch to take to job when I was making mine. After that I had enough and knew nothing is going to change. I just told him this is not going to work for us and pack all my stuff and go back to my apartment. He crawls back saying how sorry he was, is going to make an effort blablabla.
Also note that I'm the one paying for groceries. He pays child support and is left with not much, no big deal for me, coz he promises that when we move together, I won't be paying rent and we'll have some money left. I can still have a good life without my weekend jobs, but I still keep them because I'm saving up to buy my appartment.
2 months goes by, and he always bombarding my phone with sweet nothings, which I don't give in to. I talk to my sister about it and she says I could have given him more time, that my standards are too high and I should give him another chance and more time. I grudgingly agree to this because in general he's a good man and my family likes him. So I set a date and we met end of January.
At the beginning he really is engaged, does stuff, and with time he just realises how tiresome it gets. Always angry when it's his turn in the kitchen, even though I'm always there helping with peelings and cutting.
Since yesterday I caught some virus and been down. This morning, he made himself some coffee and croissants and never asked me if I'd like to have something. At around 13.30 in the afternoon I stood up to make myself something to eat, then he joins me in the kitchen and help. While eating, he sees something is not right and asks what's wrong. Is it not common sense to help your bf/gf when they are sick? Because I remember being single and cooking for myself when sick. Now in a relationship, still cooking, but now for 2 people. I'm I overreacting or expecting too much? Because I remember 3 weeks ago he woke up with headache, and before I went jogging, I brought him some coffee and omelette and sandwich in bed, just so that he can have a rest.
Right now I feel lost in this relationship, we argue about little things, I feel like I'm carrying a burden. When it comes to organising fun stuff to do, it's always me. He doesn't have friends or hobbies except computer games and gym. I feel like he a velcro bf. When I'm away he'll be bombarding my WhatsApp with emojies when he has nothing to do, says he misses me. Feels like I have a small child left at home.
ATM I can't see myself living like this. He said he want a kid, see myself doing most of the parenting because he can't even make small decisions on how many sandwiches he should pack when we're going hiking. Or what to put in the sandwiches. How to cut the onions, or which programme for the laundry, even though he has been single for some time. SMH...
Now tell me reddit, WIBTA if I leave him? Are my standards to high? Is this how a normal family functions?

This is more so a rant than anything but I just needed to vomit this out somewhere
I (14M) go to an all-boy private school and I feel like it has made me hate myself more sometimes. I know that I’m extremely lucky because of where my parents were able to send me but I feel like it makes me struggle a lot with myself.
I’ve had problems with my gender and my sexuality. I used to think I knew that I was straight and cis but with very few girls my age I’ve talked to (I only have 2 sister, one older and one younger, nearly my age) and it doesn’t help that I’m very introverted, so because basically everyone I meet is a boy it makes me question whether I’m straight or not.
I see girls in shows and movies and I feel like I’d like my body much more if I was one. I wish that I could wear a dress, have more feminine clothes and long hair. I do to an extent, in 2020 (before lockdowns, I just thought it would be cool to do this) I grew my hair out to like a half-mullet, without the shaved sides, I did this much before I started being confused about myself. One of my favourite music artists is someone called will wood and he has a song call I/me/myself about being a trans woman; listening to it I feel like I can relate to it in someway. Another this that relates to it is my favourite show is one called bee and puppycat, the main character is a woman and I feel like she’s what I would look like if I was a girl (brown hair, dress like her, because my fashion sense was half inspired by the show) and every time I watch the show I get these strong feelings of wishing I was a girl.
I do semi-often really wish I had at the very least, a crush. I’ve had one before, while on holidays in the west of my state, but that was probably at least 6 months ago now and I haven’t had a crush since then, even sometimes forcing myself to have one and realising what I’m doing, which then makes me think I did the same with my first crush and makes my even more worried. I sometimes like the idea of having a crush more than having a gf, but that might just be watching movies.
I also feel like I can’t share some of my more “girly” interests with my friends out of fear of being made fun of, my friends aren’t sexist or anything but I’ve been half made fun of because I open my phone with the last thing on there being the subreddit for one of my “girly” interests.
I also procrastinate way too much and almost always stay up late to do homework I’ve had all week to finish. I became worried that it might be rooted in adhd after my friend, who has it, pointed out that I act just like him when he’s off his meds, I took some online tests (Ik your not supposed to self diagnose like that but I took several and they were from places like university and mental health clinic’s websites) and they all said that it was likely that I have it. Sometimes I think that I am just trying to come up with an excuse for laziness.
The whole private school thing puts way more pressure on good grades, the half yearly exams and annual exams are all done in a single block over a few days, which I recently learnt isn’t normal and most schools do them over several weeks so students have more time to study. One thing that fucked me up was hearing somebody say that they were worried because they only got in the second to top class and their parents might be mad, his friend very quickly told him that that was stupid, but I didn’t focus on that.
I didn’t do any study in the half yearlies last year and did terribly, I said I was going to study in the annuals but didn’t and freaked out in the creative writing section of my English exam, a subject that I’ve always found very hard, and another one during the maths, even though I’m usually good at it. The school let me take the exams on my own and they wouldn’t count to my grade, which was good but this year’s exams are this Thursday and the very first one is English, I’ve had almost a perfect repeat of last year this time doing very little study and mainly for subjects I enjoy. I’m doing German this year as an elective but I did terribly in both Latin and French last year, both being my worst subjects by far, and even though I enjoy German much more than I did the other two languages, I’m still worried that I’ll forget everything and flunk German.
Sorry if this felt a bit jumpy from topic to topic but I just needed to dump somewhere

So we first met when we were 16 and started dating when we were 17. We went from best friends to lovers. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We were perfect together. I'd do anything for her and her craziness made me want to love her more and more. So we broke up when we were just 19. We were kids and we didn't know any better. But both of us couldn't move on. We kept going back to each other and finally got back together. But she told me to wait for 2 years before we start dating properly so she can focus on her graduation and told me not to date someone else. Since then we dated online and a bit casual. Both of us were dirty minded and bit slutty. But I was glad that she shared the same enthusiasm as I did. So fast forward to now I'm done studying and started working and she completed her graduation. This last few months were the best dating months ever for us. She went to a faraway University so we could sneak off together whenever and we went to beach together and started getting intimate too with each other. Nothing much just kissing and oral. But we talked a lot about sleeping together. She was a bit anxious so she took some time to get used to something. So we would always talk about sleeping together so she would be ok. She had promised me that once she's done graduating this year for staying loyal and waiting her for 2 years and support her for in studies n everything i did to her we will have sleep together and even discussed everything how we will do it etc etc.
So what happened this week was I came across a random video of of 2 people naked and doing stuff. The girl was looking similar to my gf and actions were identical so much like my gf that I was scared it was her. I kept contacting her but she was asleep n woke up an hour later. She convinced me that the girl in the video wasn't my gf. She even showed me how they looked different and had different marks on their body. She talked to me for hours to make sure I was ok. Because I was very shaken up by what happened. I really love her and the thought of her with someone else just drove me crazy. She had never been with anyone before and I was the only guy she was even intimate with. She showed me all her scars and her birthmark. N then once I saw it again. I could see that she wasn't my gf but a lookalike. But that incident shook me alot. I was really scared. But my gf stayed and explained to me. Even talked to me so I could see they both had different voices. Then the next day she was quite. It was quite weird because she's never quite she always talks my head off. So I asked her what's wrong. She told me that she was really hurt that I wouldn't trust her. That I thought she was lying to me. That she has never hidden anything from me. That's true I know the worst and most embarrassing things about her family too. So I do trust her . But she said she is upset with me bec she had to prove me it's not her. So my gf was a bit upset but we made up. (But I was not convince n with what she said I just wanted some extra confirmation n love which all men can relate.) we've been having arguments since then. But we made up. But today she told me that she's not ready to sleep together and wants me to wait for one more year before we do it. She said she wants both of us to start earning and be stable before we both sleep together and then I lost it at her because 2 years before she promised me she is will do it with me without any condition and stopped me from dating other. How could she hurt me like this? She led me on making me believe we'll sleep together and now this? How do I tell her that she's hurting me ? '( At once I'm ready to understand her because I love her but she is treating me very badly she want me to compromise n wants me not to complain or share my feelings about it or be sad about it n wants me to understand her " actually we had this argument before during her early college days she said wait till her college gets completed then she said wait till her graduation gets completed and now she wants me to wait for one more year" as we were dating casually )' N That she should have done it with me for me. When I told her this she was really upset and angry said that I don't love or care about her anymore n raised complain on my love. She has broken my trust and my heart.
So people of reddit how can I make her understand that her behaviour is hurting me alot? How do we fix our relationship?

So there is a wedding happening in my family and as things go my marriage plans came up as to if i have a gf or do i want them to find me all of them joking around about how much fun my wedding would be and what they would do BUT NONE OF THEM KNOW I HAVE HIV i mean my parents do as my dad got it in a blood transfusion after a accident before i was born i dont know my parents entertain these conversations as well and i think they genuinely think they can find me a woman that will marry me do you think i should break it to them myself?? For people that are educated in this i have been on ART for a very long time and have a non detectable viral load for a very long time now and there are no health issues for all intents and purposes i am NORMAL i want your genuine thoughts on this i have kind of come to terms on being single for the rest of my life but havent talked to anyone about it. Genuinely curious what your takes are on this

hey you found mee! im yana a petite OF girl just getting started on reddit, i like to vent about my life and confess some things ive done..
a bit about me i just turned 18 and a bit on the smaller side, im known as the petite girl so it's superr easy to throw me around 😉
i know it might sound a bit weird but i've always been the really kinky girl, like to this day i still haven't found a guy that can get as dirty as meee. that's kinda why i made my OF free because i just wanna find a guy that matches my energy and doesn't mind sexting alll day long ;)
if that sounds like something your into shoot me a DM on my free OF! it's in my bio and yesss i show my face on there.. see you inside 😇

I am floundering here. Every calculator to determine if your rental is making money needs an "initial investment amount". But as I bought two decades ago, refinanced twice - one of them a cash out refi, and paid a ton in mortgage interest and principal. etc, I have no idea how and where to determine this.
I know this sounds stupid AF to you guys, but please understand I got into this situation as it was my primary home i owned, lived in with my GF for many years but I moved out and she stayed and paid me rent while I was travelling and it was not officially a rental, then it slowly became an official "schedule E" rental at some point over 10+ years ago. And its super low maintenance and she is still there!
What should I use to determine things like ROI , CAP rate and IRR if I have no idea what was considered my initial investment?

So my GF said she'd like to get me TT equipment for my birthday next month. The budget is about 200$
What would you wish for?
I'm currently playing with my Harimoto ALC. I'm an intermediate player, not particularly interested in competing at very high levels. I'm a spin oriented player that gets immense joy from a crisp and clean loop (often experienced with my Hybrid K3).That does not mean I'm not looking to get better and grow. I also care about trying new rubbers and set ups for the love and fun of the sport.
I would like to try a few things:
Rakza Z on my BH Rasanter R45 on my FH Battle 3 (never tried a Chinese rubber before and I hear this one is forgiving with technique)
I'm curious to hear all of your thoughts! Alternatively blade and rubber combinations that fit the budget also work. Doesn't have to be just rubbers that fit the Harimoto blade.