After email letter of inquiry job send a hard copy mail
I am confused and would like to hear people's opinions on the matter. This post will be deleted in 24 hrs. What are your thoughts? I think there were times we were both bad for each other but what do you think I should bring up if I apologize to him? THIS POST WILL BE DELETED IN 24 HRS (18M) (18F)
2024.05.19 20:16 Logical-Course-1552 I am confused and would like to hear people's opinions on the matter. This post will be deleted in 24 hrs. What are your thoughts? I think there were times we were both bad for each other but what do you think I should bring up if I apologize to him? THIS POST WILL BE DELETED IN 24 HRS (18M) (18F)
Throw away account because why not?
When we first started dating he loved bombed me with gifts and ALOT of letters that would say things such as I've never felt this way before, and you're amazing, and I could see this going forever, and I never knew how possessive I was till I met you. We only dated a little under 3 months at this point; I decided it would be best for us to go on a break because he wasn't following my boundaries with the love bombing and it seemed like he needed time to build up his self. We went on the break for a week during which he went on this dating app for teens and told me that it was fine he was only on there for fun. I told him at the end of the week that "I didn't think I wanted to keep dating:" and he just replied with "k". which left me feeling like I didn't get closure but I ignored that and would talk shit about the relationship with my friends (we dated in the friend group so we had the same friends (side note: they felt like he distanced himself from them when we started dating and he would get jealous when I'd make flirting jokes with them which we always made; this caused some people in the friend group to feel some type of way about him)) But I would still tell my friends not to be too harsh and give him the benefit of the doubt, and then when my friend Mike brought up that my ex had been avoiding me, him, and Danelle; my ex got upset and brought up something that made me uncomfortable. So I got pissed and didn't talk to him for like a month and a half because I was like you lashed out at me for no reason, and was aggressive towards him when I did; I thought that there was no way he wouldn't have known what he said would make me uncomfortable since every time it was brought up I talked about how it made me sad. After this though for some unknown reason, I felt like I needed him back (p.s i mentioned the teen dating app because he ended up dating some guy on there 2 weeks after we broke up). So I ended up texting him and in the text, I apologized for everything in the relationship even the stuff I didn't think I did, and told him Id like to be friends again and he said he was sorry that something he said would hurt me and that he truly didn't know it made me sad or that I would be offended and we were on good terms again. I called my friend crying cause I didn't know how I felt about my choice and my brain was saying I didn't want him back but my heart was saying I needed him. Fast forward and we are on good terms but don't talk much, later I am out of school for weeks because I get really bad depression from being heavily overwhelmed and find that a game is my safe space because I can stay home and never see the public while still feeling like I'm interacting with something. My ex is really into the game so he joined my game we have a lot of fun and it is my first human interaction in 2-3 weeks. We stayed on call playing the game for 17 hours straight that night and it became a habit for us to have all-night calls, I started feeling like he was the only one who truly got me because he understood and related to a lot of the things I was dealing with and thinking about in my depression and we start to flirt like we did when we first were dating. Finally, I returned to school and saw my other friends and unintentionally did not talk to him as much because I realized how much I missed my other friends we don't have classes together so I only saw him once during passing that day anyway. Once I got home I got on a call with my friend Danelle and she's like see you didn't need "EX" to be in public, and I was like huh I didn't realize that but I don't wanna bet on it. After this moment "EX" gets a little more distant but it's not noticeable so I don't really care, but then I go through his tik tok, and I knew at this point that he had a crush on a different girl earlier in the month, but I didn't realize that he had written paragraphs and made tik toks about how down bad he was for her just 20 days ago. This was a red flag for me since I don't see how he could've gotten over her in 20 days and I don't wanna be his second option just because she won't date him. I end up bringing it up to him casually saying oh I saw your tik tok you should go for her. And he said "Who? Sam?" and I said yes, and he said I told u before there wasn't a spark so we are just friends now. And I said how do u move on in 20 days and he said what TikTok are u talking about? So I sent it to him and he said he couldn't see it, so I was explaining where it was and he said it was probably deleted refresh your page, and I said how was it deleted if I'm looking at it? and he said refresh your page it must have been recently deleted, I said but then he wouldn't be able to see which one I'm talking about. And then he said refresh your page I just deleted it. Which threw me off because I was thinking why did you delete it? and why did you try to act like I was crazy for seeing it as if it had always been deleted? so then he ends up saying that he was 70% moved on and 20% not. So from that moment on he would not get on a call with the rest of us, at first, I was like oh it's okay; he missed the call, then I was like maybe he doesn't see the call notification so let me send a text so he'll know, and then I got so desperate that I was about to @ him when my friend Danelle got on the call and distracted me. It was hard for me because I feel like I need him in my life and to go from calling every day to never really made me desperate for him to get on a call and we go back to how it was when I was depressed. He finally got on call last night and although we stayed up a little late he was distant and not as talkative or giggly as he used to be. also after the talk about Sam, he stopped saying goodnight and sweet dreams when we got off the call and would only say gn. What are your thoughts on this, on one hand, I wanna be like fuck him I don't wanna be his second choice. And on the other hand, I really wanna go back to flirting with him and date him.
But I do feel guilty because he says that he felt like he couldn't tell our friends about our relationship. After all, the majority sided with me whenever we would have issues, so I feel bad that he didn't think he had support during the relationship. Also, decisions for me were hard in the relationship because he would give me his opinion and I'd wanna go with that and then my friends and family would say a different opinion and I would want to go with that; so I never felt like I got to make my own decision without worrying about other peoples opinions
Timeline (dated until December) (No talking until around February) (Started the late-night calls in early May)
submitted by Logical-Course-1552 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
When we first started dating he loved bombed me with gifts and ALOT of letters that would say things such as I've never felt this way before, and you're amazing, and I could see this going forever, and I never knew how possessive I was till I met you. We only dated a little under 3 months at this point; I decided it would be best for us to go on a break because he wasn't following my boundaries with the love bombing and it seemed like he needed time to build up his self. We went on the break for a week during which he went on this dating app for teens and told me that it was fine he was only on there for fun. I told him at the end of the week that "I didn't think I wanted to keep dating:" and he just replied with "k". which left me feeling like I didn't get closure but I ignored that and would talk shit about the relationship with my friends (we dated in the friend group so we had the same friends (side note: they felt like he distanced himself from them when we started dating and he would get jealous when I'd make flirting jokes with them which we always made; this caused some people in the friend group to feel some type of way about him)) But I would still tell my friends not to be too harsh and give him the benefit of the doubt, and then when my friend Mike brought up that my ex had been avoiding me, him, and Danelle; my ex got upset and brought up something that made me uncomfortable. So I got pissed and didn't talk to him for like a month and a half because I was like you lashed out at me for no reason, and was aggressive towards him when I did; I thought that there was no way he wouldn't have known what he said would make me uncomfortable since every time it was brought up I talked about how it made me sad. After this though for some unknown reason, I felt like I needed him back (p.s i mentioned the teen dating app because he ended up dating some guy on there 2 weeks after we broke up). So I ended up texting him and in the text, I apologized for everything in the relationship even the stuff I didn't think I did, and told him Id like to be friends again and he said he was sorry that something he said would hurt me and that he truly didn't know it made me sad or that I would be offended and we were on good terms again. I called my friend crying cause I didn't know how I felt about my choice and my brain was saying I didn't want him back but my heart was saying I needed him. Fast forward and we are on good terms but don't talk much, later I am out of school for weeks because I get really bad depression from being heavily overwhelmed and find that a game is my safe space because I can stay home and never see the public while still feeling like I'm interacting with something. My ex is really into the game so he joined my game we have a lot of fun and it is my first human interaction in 2-3 weeks. We stayed on call playing the game for 17 hours straight that night and it became a habit for us to have all-night calls, I started feeling like he was the only one who truly got me because he understood and related to a lot of the things I was dealing with and thinking about in my depression and we start to flirt like we did when we first were dating. Finally, I returned to school and saw my other friends and unintentionally did not talk to him as much because I realized how much I missed my other friends we don't have classes together so I only saw him once during passing that day anyway. Once I got home I got on a call with my friend Danelle and she's like see you didn't need "EX" to be in public, and I was like huh I didn't realize that but I don't wanna bet on it. After this moment "EX" gets a little more distant but it's not noticeable so I don't really care, but then I go through his tik tok, and I knew at this point that he had a crush on a different girl earlier in the month, but I didn't realize that he had written paragraphs and made tik toks about how down bad he was for her just 20 days ago. This was a red flag for me since I don't see how he could've gotten over her in 20 days and I don't wanna be his second option just because she won't date him. I end up bringing it up to him casually saying oh I saw your tik tok you should go for her. And he said "Who? Sam?" and I said yes, and he said I told u before there wasn't a spark so we are just friends now. And I said how do u move on in 20 days and he said what TikTok are u talking about? So I sent it to him and he said he couldn't see it, so I was explaining where it was and he said it was probably deleted refresh your page, and I said how was it deleted if I'm looking at it? and he said refresh your page it must have been recently deleted, I said but then he wouldn't be able to see which one I'm talking about. And then he said refresh your page I just deleted it. Which threw me off because I was thinking why did you delete it? and why did you try to act like I was crazy for seeing it as if it had always been deleted? so then he ends up saying that he was 70% moved on and 20% not. So from that moment on he would not get on a call with the rest of us, at first, I was like oh it's okay; he missed the call, then I was like maybe he doesn't see the call notification so let me send a text so he'll know, and then I got so desperate that I was about to @ him when my friend Danelle got on the call and distracted me. It was hard for me because I feel like I need him in my life and to go from calling every day to never really made me desperate for him to get on a call and we go back to how it was when I was depressed. He finally got on call last night and although we stayed up a little late he was distant and not as talkative or giggly as he used to be. also after the talk about Sam, he stopped saying goodnight and sweet dreams when we got off the call and would only say gn. What are your thoughts on this, on one hand, I wanna be like fuck him I don't wanna be his second choice. And on the other hand, I really wanna go back to flirting with him and date him.
But I do feel guilty because he says that he felt like he couldn't tell our friends about our relationship. After all, the majority sided with me whenever we would have issues, so I feel bad that he didn't think he had support during the relationship. Also, decisions for me were hard in the relationship because he would give me his opinion and I'd wanna go with that and then my friends and family would say a different opinion and I would want to go with that; so I never felt like I got to make my own decision without worrying about other peoples opinions
Timeline (dated until December) (No talking until around February) (Started the late-night calls in early May)
2024.05.19 19:54 chuff80 AITAH for Telling Mom to Get Therapy?
TL;DR: My (43M) mom (61F) got upset at me on Mothers Day for not calling her. I told her she needs therapy.
We live two states apart, and have almost nothing in common. It’s been about 18 months since I’ve seen her, when I told her that my marriage of 20 years was failing. Her reaction was to tell me that I can’t get divorced and have to work things out, even though I’m not the one that asked for a divorce and was doing everything I could to make it work.
On Sunday at 10:45 AM she sent me this text. “So I woke up this morning and hoped to hear knock knock. It didn't happen. I went back to bed and covered my head as I snuggled with the dog. I gotta say I really need to quit setting myself up with hoping to expect to see or hear something along the lines of happy mothers day or maybe even find a note in the mail or flowers on the porch to actually put a smile on my face and feel the warmth in my heart of my child thinking of me to start my day with a smile on Mothers Day. While making my way through crowds of people looking for special whatever to go with the Love they're excited to give or say to their mothers and grandmothers,try not to think about it because it doesn't happen to me. Or it hasn't in... I can't remember when, although l do know that I might finally hear from you towards evening when the family thing or excitement of the day is done and I've again felt that lonely and left out feeling and had my cry and over it.After all I only have one child who is in the process of moving a little further away. Just saying... I Love You [OP]"
She's done something like this several times in the last few weeks, sending me copy/paste memes about how a mother waits endlessly for her children.
Her own husband #3 served her with divorce papers in January of this year and she's been angry and mean since, unwilling to talk about anything else except her divorce. She even suggested that she might try going to therapy, but hasn't followed through on it after I offered to help her find someone.
After much thought, some discussion with a friend, and some prayer, I responded with "Hi mom. I hear you being sad about not seeing me more. I'm sorry you feel the need to guilt trip me to get what you want. Perhaps you can work with a therapist on how to communicate your needs in advance in a more direct manner. After you have a chance to talk to a therapist, I look forward to reconnecting."
She responded with this: "How dare you talk to me like that! GUILT TRIP? That is on you [OP]. If you could have ATLEAST said HAPPY MOTHERS DAY instead of telling me you will talk to me when talk to a therapist about how it hurts when my only child is so much above and better than his mother that he cannot and does not warrant her being worth flowers or even the words out of his mouth. And you show me a Mother that would not be hurt over what you just said to me instead of at least verbally expressing to me that apparently you feel I need therapy!"
There were an additional 12 messages like this of similar length and tone over the next five days. I have not responded.
Neither of us have tried to call each other.
AITAH?
submitted by chuff80 to AITAH [link] [comments]
We live two states apart, and have almost nothing in common. It’s been about 18 months since I’ve seen her, when I told her that my marriage of 20 years was failing. Her reaction was to tell me that I can’t get divorced and have to work things out, even though I’m not the one that asked for a divorce and was doing everything I could to make it work.
On Sunday at 10:45 AM she sent me this text. “So I woke up this morning and hoped to hear knock knock. It didn't happen. I went back to bed and covered my head as I snuggled with the dog. I gotta say I really need to quit setting myself up with hoping to expect to see or hear something along the lines of happy mothers day or maybe even find a note in the mail or flowers on the porch to actually put a smile on my face and feel the warmth in my heart of my child thinking of me to start my day with a smile on Mothers Day. While making my way through crowds of people looking for special whatever to go with the Love they're excited to give or say to their mothers and grandmothers,try not to think about it because it doesn't happen to me. Or it hasn't in... I can't remember when, although l do know that I might finally hear from you towards evening when the family thing or excitement of the day is done and I've again felt that lonely and left out feeling and had my cry and over it.After all I only have one child who is in the process of moving a little further away. Just saying... I Love You [OP]"
She's done something like this several times in the last few weeks, sending me copy/paste memes about how a mother waits endlessly for her children.
Her own husband #3 served her with divorce papers in January of this year and she's been angry and mean since, unwilling to talk about anything else except her divorce. She even suggested that she might try going to therapy, but hasn't followed through on it after I offered to help her find someone.
After much thought, some discussion with a friend, and some prayer, I responded with "Hi mom. I hear you being sad about not seeing me more. I'm sorry you feel the need to guilt trip me to get what you want. Perhaps you can work with a therapist on how to communicate your needs in advance in a more direct manner. After you have a chance to talk to a therapist, I look forward to reconnecting."
She responded with this: "How dare you talk to me like that! GUILT TRIP? That is on you [OP]. If you could have ATLEAST said HAPPY MOTHERS DAY instead of telling me you will talk to me when talk to a therapist about how it hurts when my only child is so much above and better than his mother that he cannot and does not warrant her being worth flowers or even the words out of his mouth. And you show me a Mother that would not be hurt over what you just said to me instead of at least verbally expressing to me that apparently you feel I need therapy!"
There were an additional 12 messages like this of similar length and tone over the next five days. I have not responded.
Neither of us have tried to call each other.
AITAH?
2024.05.19 19:44 Chicken_Leading JOB FAIR FAIL?
Let me tell a story: Went to a job fair at the Amsterdam Brewhouse in Toronto last week. Had my interview w/the Assistant GM. He asked me 2 questions that I thought were important "what does hospitality/customer service mean to you" & explain what the process of bringing plates to the table, knowing the menu, what's in the food, how the food is made, allergies". Interviewed continuted & the AGM said to me "thier might be potional here, something to work with, let me give you my business card which I never do, & call me Wednesday. In my head I thinking I got this. This Wednesday I called, the Assistant GM, introduced myself again, he said "there's paperwork to do, blah, blah, blah, send me an email. I sent an email, couple hours later, no response, Thursday morning sent another email, couple hours later, received a response. "Thanks for the phone call & email we went with someone else". After all that I was furious
submitted by Chicken_Leading to Careers [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 19:38 dnelson2408 Summary of this channel, data, and news for the last 3 weeks.
 | Afternoon all, submitted by dnelson2408 to RILYStock [link] [comments] I thought it might be fun to try and take the last three weeks and have a recap of the data and news surrounding RILY. I just searched this sub and news outlets and such for the last 3 weeks and took notes then fed them into an AI software asking it to summarize everything. In no way is this Financial Advice just a fun task. "The financial landscape for B. Riley Financial, Inc. showcases a dynamic narrative of operational resilience and strategic positioning. The company's recent activities reflect a strategic focus on managing debt obligations effectively while optimizing business segments for sustainable growth. The strategic review process for Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses is progressing, indicating a commitment to enhancing operational efficiency and value creation. In the earnings summary, a net loss of $51 million was reported, primarily driven by investment-related losses and professional services expenses. Despite these challenges, the company's strategic initiatives and operational performance remain robust, as highlighted in the earnings call. Executives Bryant Riley and Tom Kelleher emphasized the company's operational excellence and strategic direction, underscoring a commitment to shareholder value and sustainable growth. The company's strategic reviews and commitment to shareholder value remain steadfast amidst market volatility caused by short manipulation. Furthermore, the full redemption of $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 signifies a proactive approach to managing debt and strengthening the company's financial position. This strategic move aligns with the company's focus on optimizing its capital structure and enhancing financial flexibility. Overall, B. Riley Financial's narrative is one of resilience, strategic foresight, and operational excellence in navigating market dynamics and challenges. The company's commitment to financial prudence, strategic reviews, and operational performance positions it well for sustained growth and value creation in the evolving financial landscape." Below is the data the AI used to create the summary. Just copy and pasted from a very quick and crude gathering of information into a word doc. I also enjoyed the earnings summary the AI did. The last line made me feel happy thoughts. - In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 1. Cohodes being loud and classless examples https://preview.redd.it/xymj94vp5f1d1.png?width=637&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d9f18f4f877f7fb518039bc78198e77e3fcd190 https://preview.redd.it/bxacg0bp5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a4eba6a4a39457cc47661be5836008976b37fc6 https://preview.redd.it/q5kdr5qo5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=14dcb5473ed7dcac4646eaba2b983806f32bd875 https://preview.redd.it/ky1hlc1o5f1d1.png?width=789&format=png&auto=webp&s=4c603719820d06ea91d9181ad3c41734a603b795 https://preview.redd.it/soco7bjn5f1d1.png?width=969&format=png&auto=webp&s=dfbcf20f984e391c51afcc89e46597d1d9dff6ad https://preview.redd.it/pwbnnwwr5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe06146b727540c291825eda8db5f33b11e9e992 2. Discussion about FUD and shorts deception I see the shorts (Marc Cohoded and Co.) are still at it, trying to l use a fake psychological twist to cause doubt. Let's stick to the facts and let the price go where it will in the long term. Short thesis was and is there was fraud, both proven wrong by independent investigation and a clean independent audit if the 10-K and now 10-Q. You can slap that one around anyway you want, but both came up clean. First, they have stated their intentions of a sale of a carried undervalued asset (Great American) by a third party for a massive realized gain. Good for the investors and bond holders as they said they would use funds to deleveverage the balance sheet and buy back stock which already has very little float. Second, I have never seen a company that is paying dividends go under whith out, completely eliminating the dividends first (RILY still pays a dividend and baby bonds are all current--none are in any default). Third, business has been good with lots of new hires, new capital makets raises and fees and their business seems to be thriving. Shorts will try to mislead all of us with their lies and deciept but if we hold strong I believe that the stock will go to at least 50 ish in the short term where they did their secondary. I believe at that point, RILY may run into a bit of resistance. However, a squeeze could easily send us through that to new highs. Patience is the key as they have stated all this in their press releases in the recent past. If we al on this sitel just buy 100 to 1000 shares on Monday and hld through the 29th to get the dividends. this will rocket to new heights. This is not a recommendation, simply my thoughts. Do your own due diligence. 3.Stop lending shares=pain for shorts = short squeeze If all longs can stop lending shares at least I believe we can cause shorts to cover. There is no valid short narrative, both longs and shorts know this. Now it’s purely who can hold out longer. Shorts have been very active as of late trying to push share price lower and with many of us loaning shares out we are actually helping the shorts hurt us. I believe if we stopped lending out shares borrow rate skyrockets and that added cost combined with dividend and gradual upward movement will force shorts to cover. Granted news release can help but we don’t need news we just need to stop lending and wait and see. 4. Smoking Gun: Thursday dropped because shorts borrowed and sold 724K shares (with 2MM total volume) and 447K on Wednesday (with 1.3MM total volume). They're trying to drive price down, induce panic, get folks to sell, and buy back shares at a super low price. https://preview.redd.it/hopdxkbt5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=3945adf69a00addb0c2da4ea0c26b2a4de2749b3 5. Article showing RILY coming back https://www.investmentnews.com/broker-dealers/news/b-riley-bouncing-back-after-tough-winter-253448 6. Rily - Day 3 of short attactks - There's a positive Our favorite shorts cohodes&co is on overdrive releasing as much fake accusations as possible, they now have been adding a lot to their position at a higher price point with shares in the 30s, now the shorts cost basis has gotten worse for them. With more shares at a worst cost with dividends coming due as well as borrow fees , shorts have less wiggle room especially if stock goes to 40 again. Now at 40 I believe they will be losing money. With insiders hopefully buying soon and the company continuing their share buy back program , that can lead to upward movement in share price leading to the “squeeze “. 7. $RILY Earnings Summary Not financial advice. It was an interesting investor call, an almost boring call which was refreshing. The company had a net loss of $51m driven by non-cash items including $29m unrealized loss on investments and a $30m fair value adjustment on their loans. Cash flows were pretty good, with operating cash flows of $135m and adjusted operating EBITDA of $66m. Targus and American Freight contributed nothing this quarter, both companies are historically strong businesses but have been working through a business cycle post-COVID after many Americans bought the things they needed. Those companies should improve in the next year. The company previously announced a potential sale of Great American Group. Q-1 earnings for that segment increased to $35m of EBITDA, so at 10-12x a potential sale is looking like $350-$420m. On the call they said that is expected by early Q3. They also mentioned possibly looking at a sale in their Brands division later this year with the goal of retiring their discounted debt, citing it as an opportunity. The short thesis crumbled last month with a clean 10-K and two internal investigations which added an additional $7m in expense but presumably were quite thorough and completely debunked claims by bears. There are no shares available to borrow per Fintel: https://preview.redd.it/ukhk0tou5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0622973216e0293d7f2699c1b6eee3216824305e And short interest remains at approximately 65% with 9 million shares short, though the retail float is thought to be much smaller, maybe 2m shares. The company has $34m available at quarter end for buybacks from a previously approved program. I see value here, and I liked what I heard on the call. 8. Misconceptions - Rily Share Structure [THIS POST IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY] mumen_rida There seems to be a lot of confusion about the company’s share structure and I would like to use this post to help not only my own understanding but also help others. It’s a bit confusing but let’s tackle it together. I got this information from marketwatch: Total Float = 30 million shares Public float = 16 million shares Shares sold short = 9 million shares % of public float sold short = 56.38% According to fintel: Institutional ownership = 14.18 million shares So let me get this straight, there is 16 million shares in the public float and institutions own 89% of that (14.18 million shares). So that would mean retail investors collectively only have about 1.82 million shares to trade around amongst ourselves. Let’s call that retail float. So, retail float = 1.82 million shares. Let’s wrap up all the most important information (imo) regarding the current share structure and please correct me if any of the information I presented here today is false: Total float = 30m Public float = 16m Shares short = 9m Retail float = 1.82m Where I think it gets the most interesting is when you divide shares short by retail float. 9/1.82= 4.95 or 495% of retail float. Hope this helps clear up any confusion regarding the share structure. REPSONSE TO THIS BELOW EnvironmentalBreak48 •3d ago THIS RESPONSE IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. NFA. Do your own DD, make your own decisions. Based on OP calculation. 1. Total Float: About 30 million shares. 2. Public Float: 16 million shares. 3. Shares Sold Short: 9 million shares. 4. % of Public Float Sold Short: 56.38%. 5. Institutional Ownership: 14.18 million shares. 6. Retail Float: 1.82 million shares (calculated as Public Float - Institutional Ownership). Given this information: Understanding Short Interest· Shares Sold Short: About 9 million shares.· Retail Float: 1.82 million shares. · Short Interest as a Percentage of Retail Float: 9 million shares/1.82 million shares≈495% This high percentage indicates that the short interest is nearly five times the available retail float, which could lead to a short squeeze if investors hold onto their shares and/or demand increases. Days to Cover (Short Interest Ratio)The Days to Cover metric gives an estimate of how many days it would take for short sellers to cover their positions based on the average daily trading volume. Here’s how to calculate it:1. Determine the average daily trading volume (ADTV): This information is usually available on financial websites like MarketWatch or Yahoo Finance. Let’s assume the ADTV is 1,000,000 shares (this is an example, you should use the actual ADTV for a more precise calculation). 2. Days to Cover: Shares Sold Short/ADTV Using our example ADTV: Days to Cover=9,000,000 (short shares)/1,000,000(Avg. Daily Volume)=9 days Days to Cover Potential Implications· High Short Interest Ratio: A high Days to Cover ratio suggests it would take a significant amount of time for shorts to cover their positions, which can lead to increased volatility.· Potential for a Short Squeeze: With a high percentage of the retail float sold short, if retail investors decided to hold their shares and the stock price rises, short sellers may be forced to buy back shares at higher prices, leading to a potential short squeeze. · Limited Retail Float: With only 1.82 million shares available for retail trading, any significant buying pressure from institutional investors and/or retail investors it could quickly drive up the stock price. 9. Why Even the Joker Thinks You’d Be a _____ For Not Taking A Look at RILY Stock Batman here. You might know me as the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader, or the guy who really, really, really wants to own a spaceship. Today, straight from the Batcave, lets talk about something as exciting as racing the Batmobile or the return of Roaring Kitty—RILY stock. First off, let’s talk numbers, because even a superhero knows the importance of a strong financial foundation. RILY has been buying back shares like Alfred buys Bat-gadgets—strategically and frequently. This move isn’t just a nifty trick; IMO it’s a signal that RILY is confident in its value. When a company buys back its own shares, it’s like Batman investing in more Batarangs—it’s a smart play that shows belief in future performance. But that’s not all, folks. The recent buzz around RILY isn’t just cat signals in the sky—it’s grounded in solid developments. RILY had to work hard to file their 10K after all the mudslinging from the shorts, but got it done. The first big catalyst domino to fall. Now, let’s get to the juicy part—earnings and dividends. RILY’s about to drop their Q1 earnings tomorrow, and you know what that means? Dividends! That’s right, folks. RILY is likely to declare a dividend, that our short friends will be paying. Dividends are like the Batmobile’s turbo boost—an extra kick that gets you excited and propels you forward. Plus, once they file their Q, a few days later insiders should be able to start buying again. Form 4s anyone? Here’s where it gets really interesting: meme stocks are back with a vengeance, wow talk about a left jab, and shorts are on their heels. The RILY squeeze might start very soon or it might not, but with shorts potentially facing margin calls due to price movements in various holdings, and especially if they’ve been shorting RILY all the way down it has not been a good week for the shorts so far. Just look how RILY stock popped this morning on about 200k in volume. To add insult to injury, to date, NONE of the short thesis has come to fruition or has been confirmed by independent information. They’re in quicksand, and it’s time to gas up the rocket. There are still several catalysts that may come into play here: Q1 Earnings Release: Scheduled to be filed tomorrow, providing insights into the company's recent performance. The deal flow on their website was up YoY. Dividend Announcements: Anticipated dividends right around the corner. Insider Buying: Once the Q1 earnings are filed, insiders should be able to buy stock again, expect to see some Form 4s in very short order. Sale of Great America Division: If RILY sales Great American, they have said the proceeds from this sale are expected to be used to reduce debt and fund further stock buybacks, potentially enhancing shareholder value. Low Float: With a limited number of shares available for trading, increased demand can lead to significant price movements. Buybacks: Ongoing buybacks can continue to support the stock price. Meme Stock Momentum: With meme stocks making a comeback, there's increased interest and activity in stocks that are short and that could drive up RILY’s stock price. Short Squeeze Potential: Low public float, company buybacks, insider buying…mix that up and you have the recipe for a potential squeeze. Roaring Kitty's Return: The return of Roaring Kitty, a key figure in the meme stock movement, brings renewed attention and excitement to the stock market in general. And, guess who just chimed in on RILY earlier today? That's right—JeffAmazon from the GameStop meme trade and Netflix documentary! He made a little tweet tweet on $RILY Additional Catalysts: What do you all think….. Stay vigilant, stay smart, and just my thoughts—do your own due diligence and make your own decisions. NFA. 10. FAKE ARTICLE BULLSHIT FUD………… Well, IMO even Stevie Wonder can see that the latest article on FRG is just another hatchet job. IMO the problem with creating a narrative is that the facts can’t keep up, and boy, did they fall behind here. RILY conducted not one, but two independent investigations and found zilch issues with its FRG investment or loans made to Kahn. And guess what? No connection with Prophecy either. FRG did their own investigation and also found no connection with Prophecy. So, to call the relationship between RILY and FRG controversial is like calling a puppy dangerous—laughable. In RILY's 10k, they marked up their FRG investment FMV $281 million to $286 million… FRG's FY23 financials are public, and the attached table shows the maturities of their debt. In 2024, about $10.5 million in debt is maturing. Big deal. Looming debt? Hardly. The real kicker is in 2026 when about $1.5 billion of debt matures—not this year, not next. LOL. The FRG financials clearly state they were in full compliance with their debt covenants in FY23 and fully expect to be in compliance in FY24. Yet, "the people" say FRG is down double digits in Q1. Funny timing with RILY's Q1 financials coming out on Wednesday, huh? And by the way, FRG's adjusted EBITDA for Q1 FY23 was $66 million, not the $62 million the article claims. Why not use the actual FRG public company number? Maybe because when you're rushing to write a hit piece, you just pick random numbers. https://www.globenewswire.com/en/news-release/2023/05/10/2665414/0/en/Franchise-Group-Inc-Announces-First-Quarter-Fiscal-Year-2023-Financial-Results.html So, according to the article, FRG is down 63% in revenue ($66 million vs. the alleged $25 million). Sure, FRG sold Badcock and Sylvan Learning, so they might be down YoY, but down 63%? FRG sold in FY24 Q1 Sylvan for $185 Million cash….and they’re worried about paying $10.5 million in long term debt due this year. Got it. https://www.franchisetimes.com/franchise_mergers_and_acquisitions/unleashed-brands-buys-sylvan-learning/article_a568813e-d4c7-11ee-bb32-1f85230cfdda.html https://preview.redd.it/lry689p16f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0714b3b378abb528f0abb470ade0deb3d34c2d39 •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop NT-10Q mirrors the press release about the 5-day delay on the 10Q. It's the formal document for the SEC. It also includes estimated earnings. 13F-HR lists their investment holdings as of 3/31. "Estimated results of operations for the three months ended March 31, 2024 are summarized as follows:Cash and cash equivalents is expected to be approximately $191 million at March 31, 2024, a decrease of $41 million from $232 million at December 31, 2023. Total debt is expected to be approximately $2.19 billion, a decrease of approximately $170 million from $2.36 billion at December 31, 2023. This reflects the early redemption of approximately $115 million of senior notes during the three months ended March 31, 2024. Net loss available to common shareholders is expected to be approximately $51 million during the three months ended March 31, 2024 compared to net income available to common shareholders of $15 million in the prior year. The net loss is due to non-cash items which includes unrealized losses on investments and fair value adjustments on loans of approximately $59 million; in addition to incremental expenses of approximately $7 million incurred for professional fees relating to the filing of our 10-K and outside counsel review and subsequent independent investigation conducted as part of the previously disclosed investigation of the Audit Committee of the Company’s Board of Directors." 12. Friendly PSA: Manage your emotions •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop I'm optimistic that the shorts' game will begin to fully unravel this week. This is a PSA to please manage your emotions, set your strategy intelligently, and don't get carried away by emotion. For many longs, the past months have had a lot of negative emotion. Especially for long-time holders, who watched the full show: · Initial short attacks · Months of tailspin · Months of trading sideways like an EKG · A run up to $40 · A swift retrace -25% · Endless vicious attacks on the company, its clients, its employees, its auditors, and on any individual who publicly states they see value in the company (including personal attacks on people on this sub) Whether you got in years ago, and stayed for the growing business, fat dividends, and diversification...or got in last week because the short ratio is astronomical... The recovery to fair value, whatever path it takes (squeeze, or gradual) will provoke a varied and wide range of emotions. The emotional component of investing is the hardest part. Personally, I think it's a deep value play, and I'm not anxious to jump off the train. It's a company where insiders are huge owners, and their interests are truly aligned with shareholders. Because they're the biggest individual holders. The huge extra profit sharing dividends of 2021+ were impressive; this company rewards shareholders. Please manage your emotions. Please invest intelligently. Please be nice to other nice people. This isn't financial advice, but it is life advice. Manage your emotions, and make intelligent decisions. 13. RILY RS Article 76 to 83 https://www.investors.com/ibd-data-stories/b-riley-financial-shows-rising-price-performance-with-jump-to-83-rs-rating/ B. Riley Financial (RILY) saw a welcome improvement to its Relative Strength (RS) Rating on Thursday, with an increase from 76 to 83. IBD's proprietary rating tracks share price performance with a 1 (worst) to 99 (best) score. The score shows how a stock's price performance over the trailing 52 weeks stacks up against all the other stocks in our database. Over 100 years of market history reveals that the stocks that go on to make the biggest gains typically have an 80 or higher RS Rating as they begin their biggest climbs. Now is not an ideal time to jump in since it isn't near a proper buy zone, but see if the stock manages to form a base and break out. The company showed 0% EPS growth last quarter. Revenue rose -9%. The company is expected to report its latest earnings and sales numbers on or around May 15. The company earns the No. 24 rank among its peers in the Finance-Investment Banking/Brokers industry group. Interactive Brokers (IBKR), Piper Sandler (PIPR) and Ameriprise Financial (AMP) are among the top 5 highly rated stocks within the group. 14. Announcement of 2024 Annual Meeting June 21st https://www.sec.gov/ix?doc=/Archives/edgadata/0001464790/000121390024041725/ea0205510-01.htm 15. Repost: $RILY DD: The real price potential...when the stock is a solid/growing company (not just a squeeze). 9 days ago BleepBlimpBop In response to multiple requests, reposting my DD on price potential from 2 months ago. Will hopefully facilitate intelligent thought about price potential. -------- Many have been speculating about the squeeze price potential (75.72% of free float shorted per Fintel). Lots of posts discussing "how high" and "how soon." As others have observed, correctly, no one knows. However, I think we can look at financials, and past price, to get a good indication of a reasonable range, after any "squeeze dust settles." Let's recognize a few things: A) It's a growing, and historically very profitable business. It's not GME (dying company with obsolete business model). B) It rewards its shareholders with regular dividends, and large special dividends when profits are high. C) It spent a year (early 2021 to early 2022) around $70/share. Plus or minus $20. High of $90. D) July 2023 $100MM share offering was at $55, with lots of institutional interest, and lots of employee interest (7% of the new shares). It was only a small discount to the $60 stock price at the time (often, the offerings are at a much greater discount to induce institutions to invest). · Institutions do their due diligence - they don't buy unless they think it's a good deal. · Same with employees! E) It didn't tank because their business model is obsolete (i.e., GME issue). It tanked because of: · Short seller reports spewing fear, uncertainty, and doubt. · Rampant flimsy speculation · Poor earnings during a crappy time for investment banking (their main business), and some unfavorable mark-to-market of some of their investments. · Note that RILY makes a business of supporting and investing in companies in distress. When they provide financial options, they also actively help the company right the business. That process takes time, so there's often interim volatility in the value of their assets. But their historical investment returns and recovery rates seem to be very good. Profitable, but can create volatility in the books as it plays out. · Character assassinations. F) From the looks of it, now that Reg Sho is in place, a concerted group using naked short selling, spoofing bid/ask, keeping a cash account to sell shares and manipulate low volume (all speculations, but notice the radical difference in how it trades now that there's regulator scrutiny and forced settlement - as well as observant people here and on Twitter calling out the egregious observable issues in the trading action) G) It's continued to grow since 2021/2022 (look at the investor presentation in December). They've continued to disclose deal flow and make acquisitions since. What does that all mean? A) $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state price if the shorts moved on, profitability returns to normal levels, and the company was the same size as 2021-2022. B) Significantly higher than $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state, given growth in the company, and a return to historical scale of profitability. · You can also bet-your-bottom-dollar they're going to make sure their balance sheet is IRONCLAD go forward, and they do a better job of explaining their business. · Management owns a huge chunk of the business, and they'll **never** want to be susceptible to this crap again. C) A squeeze could have one of two impacts: · Return the business to a reasonable steady-state price (e.g., $70-100+) · Accelerate the company well above a steady-state price, where it could remain for an extended period, or return to a normal steady-state price. D) A squeeze isn't necessary to return this to a steady-state price. Just time... Company executes, shorts pay high borrow fees, shorts hedged positions decay. How do I think about it? · I'd love to see the slightly-slower-road to steady-state. · I'd love love to see the fast road back to steady-state. · I'd love love love to see this thing shoot well beyond any reasonable steady-state, and bankrupt the most vocal short sellers. By all appearances, they rank among the more degenerate of their species. · For those that sell early, they'll be sad watching from the sidelines. The road may not be linear, but I think it's paved with gold. These are my thoughts. Not financial advice. To the moon, baby. 16. $RILY- “They can win by doing nothing 12 days ago Outrageous_Appeal_89 “ Whitebrook capital assessment addressing cohodes&co BS at the peak of their false accusations and in a polite way stating short funds were making things up (misinformation & manipulation ). It seems $RILY is executing on some of the recommendations Whitebrook capital had - share buy back and bond buy back has been executed and continues to be executed on. Whether you invest in $RILY for the long term prospects or the short squeeze that can be triggered any day as lie after lie is exposed. Bottom line is the fair value of $RILY is a lot higher then where it currently trades. We will get a better idea whether share prices deserves to be in the 50s or 60s as we get an update on GAG valuation. Seems many here forget that $RILY creates value by turning companies around and then monetize, this process takes time , they have been able to do this successfully, repeatedly over the years. https://preview.redd.it/uiisruq36f1d1.png?width=792&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6c32c04877ae21b51cb8a99cee0aef17cdb32c4 17. 3 Videos from Value Don’t Lie on Youtube talking about Financials of RILY and overall company valuation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRenvff8duE&t=1s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoaCZw7AmpA&t https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_Ayoox3fvM 18. Getting around the NBBO and Longing the Box So let this sink in… the market opens and in 5 minutes we rally to $34.42, then over the next 15 minutes we drop to $28.80 at which point SSR was triggered and sell volume slows WAY the hell down. That drop was ALL short sellers and NO longs selling shares (otherwise the sell-off wouldnt have stopped literally minutes after SSR triggered). NOW, what the scumbag shorts are doing is going Long Against The Box. 19. Steve Cohen and Point 72 buy 24,917 shares long on May 15th https://preview.redd.it/fhdhyco46f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=6600f6a9a3f0bc5bc8823cddb5f52defdf282063 20. Summarize this earnings call and keep pertinent quotes and data in the summary. https://filecache.investorroom.com/mr5ir_briley2/925/RILY_1Q24_Earnings_Release_vFINAL.pdf Chat GPT Summary of the full report below B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) reported its first-quarter 2024 financial results, showcasing resilience and operational strength despite facing challenging market conditions and unique internal events. Here's a summary with a positive outlook: First Quarter2024 Highlights:1. Quarterly Dividend Declaration:
Leadership Insights:
Looking Ahead:B. Riley's strategic initiatives, such as debt reduction and selective investments, position the company for continued success. The ongoing strategic review of its Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses indicates a proactive approach to optimizing its portfolio. The firm remains committed to delivering value to its shareholders through dividends and operational excellence.In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 20. State of the Stock 15 days ago UF_Secret_Account Not financial advice, do your own research. Don't take advice from the internet, consult a professional financial advisor. On April 19th, the stock closed at $19.99. Today, it is over 50% higher after a positive 10-K clearing the company of fraud allegations. The stock touched $40 on April 26 and 29, a 100% gain from a week prior. The short interest has remained relatively consistent during the move, with 10-11 million shares still short. However, given the time lapsed, I think it's safe to assume that most of those shares were covered and re-shorted in the last two weeks. For future research, we should assume they have an average $35 entry on their short positions. 1st quarter earnings are coming soon. Like many of you, I am a little curious that it hasn't been announced yet, but I have no concerns with everything the company has on its plate. 10-Q's are unaudited and it's very unlikely there is anything to be concerned about, in my opinion. The company could be coming to the end of their strategic review for GAG. That will eventually result in some additional financial statement adjustments for presentation. I would expect 1st quarter earnings to be good based on their deal flow and reported transactions. In November 2023, the board approved $50m for stock buybacks. The company repurchased 728,330 shares at an average price of $21.85, but mainly bought shares in November. That's $16 million spent, and means the company had $34 million approved to buy back stock at year end. The program continues through October 2024. At our current price, that would be 1.1 million shares (3.3% of the outstanding stock). That is significant for a stock with this many outstanding shares, but more significant for the number of freely traded shares which is far less. How many times have we seen huge price moves on small blocks of shares? If the company adds $10-15 million to that program, that's another 300,000-500,000 shares. Again, it doesn't sound like a huge number but it would add pressure to what will become a dire situation for the shorts. The shorts may decide not to cover, or to continue the strategy of taking their losses and re-shorting, but their ability to influence the stock back to a level where they truly profit is nonexistent in my opinion, particularly when volume dies between market-moving events. I am eyeing the $50-$55 range as my price target in the next move up. 21. NOTE on FRG Independent Auditor’s Report One of the positive things I see IMO was for the billion dollar loan that matures in 2026. “On July 2, 2021, the Company repaid $182.1 million of principal of the First Lien Term Loan using cash proceeds from the sale of the Liberty Tax business. The prepayment also satisfied the requirements for the quarterly principal payments so no additional principal payments with respect to the First Lien Term Loans (excluding the Incremental First Lien Term Loan) are due until the First Lien Term Loan maturity date.” To me this gives them some flexibility for their cash as there isn’t much long term debt due in 2024 or 2025. https://preview.redd.it/ib92t7e66f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=df286021b0653db92122e33df0ed37f1068a0c6c 22. on May 3rd Cohodes or someone else got media to report 4th quarter from last year as q1 earnings this year. Which was a lie and FUD https://preview.redd.it/nlau48276f1d1.png?width=623&format=png&auto=webp&s=832695b6c331c3df6dbcb861dc90551ee42a036a 23. B. Riley Financial Announces Full Redemption of 6.75% SR Notes Due 2024 17 days ago Wolfiger LOS ANGELES, May 1, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) ("B. Riley" or the "Company") today announced that it has called for the full redemption equal to $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of its 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 (the "Notes") on May 31, 2024 (the "Redemption Date"). The redemption price is equal to 100% of the aggregate principal amount, plus any accrued and unpaid interest up to, but excluding, the Redemption Date, as set forth in each notice of redemption delivered to noteholders on May 1, 2024. https://ir.brileyfin.com/2024-05-01-B-Riley-Financial-Announces-Full-Redemption-of-6-75-Senior-Notes-due-2024 24. 8k filed May 1st for Nasdaq Compliance 25. Found management bonus if above 136 by October. Did anybody else know that a part of managements comp was in the form of Performance-based Restricted Stocks Units with a vesting date of 10/27/24 AND A HURDLE PRICE OF $135?!? https://preview.redd.it/wo2uh54k5f1d1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=8b6dedf28ec845b2170647674f5b39b6eaac96a1 |
2024.05.19 19:38 stemoscillator How do I ask my mom to pay me (I am her employee) before giving money to my siblings (who do not work for her)
So to provide some context, I (28F) recently started a law firm with my mom, who is an attorney. I was working on my own business at the time, but when my mom’s paralegal up and left her right before Christmas, she needed help, plus I had experience starting a business and was previously in the legal field, so I agreed to come on as her legal assistant/business helpeetc. We agreed on a set weekly amount for pay, which wasn’t crazy high but solid and I felt like I could use the opportunity to help my mom build something lucrative after leaving her old firm (where she was severely monetarily taken advantage of, and is going to have to sue her old business partners for what they owe her + her partner investment at the old firm, but that’s a story for another day) The thing is, I was wary going into this my mom would not be able to financially keep our agreement, because she has big dreams and ideas but doesn’t always take the practical steps in terms of things like budgeting (the fights and struggles this has caused in my house between my parents my whole life and the financial issues we’ve experienced as a result have shown me she has no plans on changing this but I am also empathetic because she is crazy busy and my other siblings, one who is severely mentally ill and lives at home, take up an insane amount of time)
Now I want to hammer in that my mom is a good person, with a big heart. My dad is a good person too, which is why I feel this situation is so difficult for me to navigate. They have their issues and personally to me, seem to act like children in many ways in how conflicts are handled and how they emotionally react (my mom especially, she cares so much how people feel about her but doesn’t realize that her fuse is short and she will just yell and scream at everyone) They have not had an easy set of cards dealt to them in regards to all of us kids and the individual issues, and I have always had so much empathy for them. However, the older I’ve gotten and more I’ve experienced, the more I realize a lot of the issues we had growing up, whether it was financial or my siblings behavior and issues, probably could’ve been handled in a much healthier way which would’ve saved a lot of the pain experienced by continuing the cycles and behaviors that were causing the issues in the first place. My parents stayed married, but basically tolerated one another and never had a united front, were always talking bad about one another and could never agree on proper ways to fix what was happening, so it was a chaotic mess all the time, where the more difficult kids were enabled and it felt like those of us who actually had more of our shit together, were just expected to either help with it or just deal with the fact they didn’t have time for us because of the time my siblings took up. An example of this would be when I was in college, I was on a full scholarship (full tuition, but not room and board) because of my academic and athletic scholarship, so I ran track and XC to help pay for school. I worked two jobs as well to pay for my rent, and barely slept as I was in pre-med. I am the oldest of the 6 kids in my family, and in my family, I was the good kid. I didn’t ask for much, always figured my stuff out, etc. They “never needed to worry about me” so they didn’t. However, during that time when it went to school, my dad lost his job and my parents were fighting more and more. My siblings had less tolerance for their “bullshit” but they also fought each other because of the issues at home. Therefore, they began to struggle a lot. My mom was always borrowing money from me and I had no idea when I’d get it back. I would struggle and could barely afford my NEEDS. I barely bought books I needed and would often be finding ways to take pictures of my friend’s books, etc. Anyway, this was consistent and even to the point where I could not buy myself the sashes and what not for my graduation (I was in the honors courses, extracurricular, scholar athlete, Greek life, graduated top of my class for my major etc) because my mom had borrowed almost 1000 from me…and gave it to my sister who was studying abroad. This sister has never cared about taking my parents money or caring about how their financial situation affects everyone. She has since been diagnosed with BPD…I get that I have some unresolved family issues, so that may be coming out as I type here, but I also wanted to provide context into why I feel the way I do. I was also heavily parentified being the oldest, with an extreme sense of responsibility, even as an adult, for the well being of my siblings and parents. I have”sacrificed” (I say it in quotes because I know it was my choice and I take responsibility, but looking back I don’t agree with how it was all handled and felt my parents should’ve been more of the adults and allowed me to try and build my young adult like without the burden of caring for children that were not mine) a lot of time, money and opportunity so I could focus on trying to “save “ them (I have gone over this complex I have in therapy and I’m still working through it, but take responsibility for my actions in perpetuating the cycle)
I could go into more detail about the difficulties and struggles my parents face, and how life has gotten harder and harder for them. My mom is an enabler because she has trouble with people disliking her, yet burns bridges with people who genuinely care because she ends up accidentally taking advantage of them to focus on for example, her kids who are not actually doing anything to help and causing more issues in the family. My siblings are beginning to hate her, threaten to cut her off from meeting her future grandkids, etc I will be on the last line for cutting her off, because I genuinely believe she is such a loving person who has never been able to totally focus on her and has just been running on fumes for years. However, through therapy I’ve also come to recognize she is an adult who has had the opportunity to change her behavior (my dad too) to try and get a more positive outcome, but they have chosen to remain stubborn, and say it is because they have no time, but that part just isn’t true, it would take a lot of work and reorganizing at this point, but changes could be made. I have literally bought my mom therapy appointments, set them up, (I control her calendar for work so I know when she’s free and I handle all business scheduling so I know what appointments are important to the firm so I try to schedule when we have a few days without major deadlines) and my mom still says she is too busy
Anyway, finally to the point of this post, my mom owes me over 10k in promised payment, and I have been working full time. She has given me the amount I’ve needed to pay my half of the rent at my place (I live with my partner, who is genuinely shocked at the behavior of my parents and our family dynamics, but is very loving and supporting regardless, even to my family) but besides that, I’ve just been floundering. I don’t know where the money goes after we bill, but my mom is always complaining we don’t have money in the account. However she has not forgotten she owes me, and always brings up how she wants to get me paid, but I am continuing to struggle and don’t know when that will happen. I know she will, but when? The other aspect of this is my sister (the one with BPD) just graduated law school and was supposed to help us with the firm to help pay for her bar prep and bar fees, but she has managed to avoid work and I know my mom is just going to pay for it all anyway. However, I’m not mad cause I’m very proud of my sister and what she has accomplished with her mental health struggles however, that means her work has fallen into me, and not only am I helping with my duties and hers,I am expected to set up all the automations in the firm, handle all the schedules and set up a business for success. That takes time on top of all I am doing, and my mom gets easily frustrated with technology and things and complains this should all be easier and we should get it set up to be automated, have draft emails, etc . I tell her that takes time and money, but she has this idea we can just hire someone to take on the extra work but I’m not even being paid right now, so even the money that could potentially go to me, the person working full time, would be given to a VA to help push the firm forward. I would be okay with that if I really believed we were on our way to making a successful sful, lucrative business, but because of all the issues at home, my mom has barely been able to work. She is emotional and has a short fuse a lot, and it’s hard for me to keep things moving when I need an attorney to do most of the big thing clients pay for when working with a firm. Now she has gotten ill (which I am so upset about but my guess is it is due to stress) and has been out of work for two weeks besides hitting deadlines that need to be hit, she will call me screaming , crying (edit since input syringe instead of crying the first time) that she can’t do this anymore, can’t do the firm, etc. But then being happy and excited the very next day. I always tell her I just want her happy and to take care of herself, but she needs to let me know so I can find new work and build my life. I feel stuck in limbo and know I need to take actions to help myself, but I still wanted to try and help my mom as much as possible and see if the firm could still be built. However, yesterday my non working sister (studying for the bar) called me to show me the new outfits she had gotten and how she was going to go out with some friends, I love those types of calls from my sister but it made me realize my mom was still giving her money, fun money not just get ready for the bar money, and I’m here struggling and my partner is picking up the slack. One of my brothers, who I have lent money to multiple times in the last few months (he always pays me back in a timely manner) who said he couldn’t afford to do things he wanted and had to sell his EDC ticket, is now at EDC and my mom has no money in her account so my guess is she helped him. My dad works too so they are surviving, but she complains about the mortgage and bills to me a lot, so I feel guilty adding to her stress especially with her being sick, but I’m kind of at the end of my rope here after seeing she is still not prioritizing paying her employee (even if I am her daughter and have a lot of empathy for the situation)
I know I wrote a lot but I feel like I could have provided so much more context. Once she is feeling better I know I’m going to have another talk with her, but I don’t know if I should just say I’m done once we finish up our current case load and to not bring on any more clients unless she hires someone else cause I feel she’d be more likely to pay them. I want to believe it could be different and my mom could figure out how to build this firm professionally going forward, but I just don’t know if I’m being idealistic. Anyways, I do really wish I could get the money I’m owed to put into my own business that I have put on hold to do this (thinking I could help my mom AND save some money to put towards my own business which my mom was on board with and wanted because she sees the firm as a way to help all the kids finance their own dreams, and she really means that which is one example of why I say my mom is genuinely a good and kind person who loves her kids) part of me wants to say that if she wants to keep saying she “can’t do this” anymore that I am quitting and I hope she takes the time to focus on taking care of herself because I can’t stand by and watch her do the same stuff that will stress her into an early grave which genuinely scares me but is how I feel. Granted even if she isn’t working she is kind of addicted to stress so it may not change anything but there is part of me that hopes it would. Plus, they obviously need the money so it is probably just wishful thinking.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, maybe I needed to get my feelings out, but I am wondering if anyone has any advice? Have you been in a situation like this and how did you handle it? Please be kind to my parents, but truthful as any help would be appreciated.
TLDR Summary
Busy Mom of 6 with good heart is my employer and has not paid me what is owed, but spends money on my siblings and has a history of doing things like this. I know she is struggling financially. How do I approach her and what is my best course of action to resolve and help versus just being harsh and cutting it all off?
submitted by stemoscillator to family [link] [comments]
Now I want to hammer in that my mom is a good person, with a big heart. My dad is a good person too, which is why I feel this situation is so difficult for me to navigate. They have their issues and personally to me, seem to act like children in many ways in how conflicts are handled and how they emotionally react (my mom especially, she cares so much how people feel about her but doesn’t realize that her fuse is short and she will just yell and scream at everyone) They have not had an easy set of cards dealt to them in regards to all of us kids and the individual issues, and I have always had so much empathy for them. However, the older I’ve gotten and more I’ve experienced, the more I realize a lot of the issues we had growing up, whether it was financial or my siblings behavior and issues, probably could’ve been handled in a much healthier way which would’ve saved a lot of the pain experienced by continuing the cycles and behaviors that were causing the issues in the first place. My parents stayed married, but basically tolerated one another and never had a united front, were always talking bad about one another and could never agree on proper ways to fix what was happening, so it was a chaotic mess all the time, where the more difficult kids were enabled and it felt like those of us who actually had more of our shit together, were just expected to either help with it or just deal with the fact they didn’t have time for us because of the time my siblings took up. An example of this would be when I was in college, I was on a full scholarship (full tuition, but not room and board) because of my academic and athletic scholarship, so I ran track and XC to help pay for school. I worked two jobs as well to pay for my rent, and barely slept as I was in pre-med. I am the oldest of the 6 kids in my family, and in my family, I was the good kid. I didn’t ask for much, always figured my stuff out, etc. They “never needed to worry about me” so they didn’t. However, during that time when it went to school, my dad lost his job and my parents were fighting more and more. My siblings had less tolerance for their “bullshit” but they also fought each other because of the issues at home. Therefore, they began to struggle a lot. My mom was always borrowing money from me and I had no idea when I’d get it back. I would struggle and could barely afford my NEEDS. I barely bought books I needed and would often be finding ways to take pictures of my friend’s books, etc. Anyway, this was consistent and even to the point where I could not buy myself the sashes and what not for my graduation (I was in the honors courses, extracurricular, scholar athlete, Greek life, graduated top of my class for my major etc) because my mom had borrowed almost 1000 from me…and gave it to my sister who was studying abroad. This sister has never cared about taking my parents money or caring about how their financial situation affects everyone. She has since been diagnosed with BPD…I get that I have some unresolved family issues, so that may be coming out as I type here, but I also wanted to provide context into why I feel the way I do. I was also heavily parentified being the oldest, with an extreme sense of responsibility, even as an adult, for the well being of my siblings and parents. I have”sacrificed” (I say it in quotes because I know it was my choice and I take responsibility, but looking back I don’t agree with how it was all handled and felt my parents should’ve been more of the adults and allowed me to try and build my young adult like without the burden of caring for children that were not mine) a lot of time, money and opportunity so I could focus on trying to “save “ them (I have gone over this complex I have in therapy and I’m still working through it, but take responsibility for my actions in perpetuating the cycle)
I could go into more detail about the difficulties and struggles my parents face, and how life has gotten harder and harder for them. My mom is an enabler because she has trouble with people disliking her, yet burns bridges with people who genuinely care because she ends up accidentally taking advantage of them to focus on for example, her kids who are not actually doing anything to help and causing more issues in the family. My siblings are beginning to hate her, threaten to cut her off from meeting her future grandkids, etc I will be on the last line for cutting her off, because I genuinely believe she is such a loving person who has never been able to totally focus on her and has just been running on fumes for years. However, through therapy I’ve also come to recognize she is an adult who has had the opportunity to change her behavior (my dad too) to try and get a more positive outcome, but they have chosen to remain stubborn, and say it is because they have no time, but that part just isn’t true, it would take a lot of work and reorganizing at this point, but changes could be made. I have literally bought my mom therapy appointments, set them up, (I control her calendar for work so I know when she’s free and I handle all business scheduling so I know what appointments are important to the firm so I try to schedule when we have a few days without major deadlines) and my mom still says she is too busy
Anyway, finally to the point of this post, my mom owes me over 10k in promised payment, and I have been working full time. She has given me the amount I’ve needed to pay my half of the rent at my place (I live with my partner, who is genuinely shocked at the behavior of my parents and our family dynamics, but is very loving and supporting regardless, even to my family) but besides that, I’ve just been floundering. I don’t know where the money goes after we bill, but my mom is always complaining we don’t have money in the account. However she has not forgotten she owes me, and always brings up how she wants to get me paid, but I am continuing to struggle and don’t know when that will happen. I know she will, but when? The other aspect of this is my sister (the one with BPD) just graduated law school and was supposed to help us with the firm to help pay for her bar prep and bar fees, but she has managed to avoid work and I know my mom is just going to pay for it all anyway. However, I’m not mad cause I’m very proud of my sister and what she has accomplished with her mental health struggles however, that means her work has fallen into me, and not only am I helping with my duties and hers,I am expected to set up all the automations in the firm, handle all the schedules and set up a business for success. That takes time on top of all I am doing, and my mom gets easily frustrated with technology and things and complains this should all be easier and we should get it set up to be automated, have draft emails, etc . I tell her that takes time and money, but she has this idea we can just hire someone to take on the extra work but I’m not even being paid right now, so even the money that could potentially go to me, the person working full time, would be given to a VA to help push the firm forward. I would be okay with that if I really believed we were on our way to making a successful sful, lucrative business, but because of all the issues at home, my mom has barely been able to work. She is emotional and has a short fuse a lot, and it’s hard for me to keep things moving when I need an attorney to do most of the big thing clients pay for when working with a firm. Now she has gotten ill (which I am so upset about but my guess is it is due to stress) and has been out of work for two weeks besides hitting deadlines that need to be hit, she will call me screaming , crying (edit since input syringe instead of crying the first time) that she can’t do this anymore, can’t do the firm, etc. But then being happy and excited the very next day. I always tell her I just want her happy and to take care of herself, but she needs to let me know so I can find new work and build my life. I feel stuck in limbo and know I need to take actions to help myself, but I still wanted to try and help my mom as much as possible and see if the firm could still be built. However, yesterday my non working sister (studying for the bar) called me to show me the new outfits she had gotten and how she was going to go out with some friends, I love those types of calls from my sister but it made me realize my mom was still giving her money, fun money not just get ready for the bar money, and I’m here struggling and my partner is picking up the slack. One of my brothers, who I have lent money to multiple times in the last few months (he always pays me back in a timely manner) who said he couldn’t afford to do things he wanted and had to sell his EDC ticket, is now at EDC and my mom has no money in her account so my guess is she helped him. My dad works too so they are surviving, but she complains about the mortgage and bills to me a lot, so I feel guilty adding to her stress especially with her being sick, but I’m kind of at the end of my rope here after seeing she is still not prioritizing paying her employee (even if I am her daughter and have a lot of empathy for the situation)
I know I wrote a lot but I feel like I could have provided so much more context. Once she is feeling better I know I’m going to have another talk with her, but I don’t know if I should just say I’m done once we finish up our current case load and to not bring on any more clients unless she hires someone else cause I feel she’d be more likely to pay them. I want to believe it could be different and my mom could figure out how to build this firm professionally going forward, but I just don’t know if I’m being idealistic. Anyways, I do really wish I could get the money I’m owed to put into my own business that I have put on hold to do this (thinking I could help my mom AND save some money to put towards my own business which my mom was on board with and wanted because she sees the firm as a way to help all the kids finance their own dreams, and she really means that which is one example of why I say my mom is genuinely a good and kind person who loves her kids) part of me wants to say that if she wants to keep saying she “can’t do this” anymore that I am quitting and I hope she takes the time to focus on taking care of herself because I can’t stand by and watch her do the same stuff that will stress her into an early grave which genuinely scares me but is how I feel. Granted even if she isn’t working she is kind of addicted to stress so it may not change anything but there is part of me that hopes it would. Plus, they obviously need the money so it is probably just wishful thinking.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, maybe I needed to get my feelings out, but I am wondering if anyone has any advice? Have you been in a situation like this and how did you handle it? Please be kind to my parents, but truthful as any help would be appreciated.
TLDR Summary
Busy Mom of 6 with good heart is my employer and has not paid me what is owed, but spends money on my siblings and has a history of doing things like this. I know she is struggling financially. How do I approach her and what is my best course of action to resolve and help versus just being harsh and cutting it all off?
2024.05.19 19:35 Tough-Square-4060 Would you stay or leave??
I 24F live in with him 24M and had our first baby last month. Almost 6 years in relationship.
Months before my 1st trimester, he got into his first BPO. I noticed na there's this girl on their team pictures na lagi silang magkatabi. I asked him about it and he said it was only coincidence and they don't even talk to each other but few days after, the girl created a group chat with only 4 of them.
Few weeks after that, we're scrolling on his tiktok likes, the girl's old tiktok video was in it. He said it was his colleagues who borrowed his phone and didn't know that they liked it. They were looking at each and everyone's old videos and photos for 'asaran.
Another week came by and we got into an argument because he will not do household chores unless asked to. He's already like that at their home and I understand that it's hard to break what you're used to. However, I just couldn't hold back myself from saying harsh things to him due to stress. I'm a working student. I barely get sleep. On my free time, instead of taking a rest, I need to do household chores while he has only one job to think about and nothing else. He doesn't have plan on continuing his studies so why not help me on little things? I admit that what I said to him are too personal and it really hurt his pride. His parents house is just next to us so after we fought, he go to his parents and while I'm crying alone I thought of accessing his fb activity history and saw that he viewed the girl's fb a minute ago. We fought and broke things. He said he did it to get back to me from what harsh things I said to him.
The next day he was asking me to eat and I told him not to touch me but he insisted and I was out of my mind and reached out for the blade and cut my wrist. It was not deep but it bled a lot. He called my parents and he told them the reason why we fought. My parents told him to just stay away from the girl.
2 days after the incident, my things are already packed and l'm about to leave and go home to my parents but a shopee order came. It was my pregnancy test. I took a test and it was positive. He was very happy and told his family of the news. On my ultasound, we found out I was already 6 weeks pregnant.
A lot of team celebration and outing went by and he insisted on going even If I'm really mad and crying bcos I didn't want him to go. I've seen a group picture of them again when they were next to each other but the sender unsent it. He told the sender (one of his close friends) not to send the picture on their GC as I will get mad. He said he was there first and was talking to his TM when the girl came. He said it will be rude to leave suddenly.
3 weeks after giving birth to our daughter, I saw his call of duty game history. They were playing with their other workmates. Why couldn't he just said no on the invite for the peace in our home? He said it was just a game and it's not like only two of them were playing. I asked him if he knew I was gonna get mad and he said yes and did it anyway.
They are not friends on fb and no chats on messenger. In my conclusion, he was attracted to the girl bcos it seems like he can't stay away from her. This girl has a boyfriend (on and off from what I gathered on stalking on the girl's socmed) and is touchy with his boy workmate (not my boyf).
It's not really a major reason to leave this relationship especially that we have our baby now. But l'm tired and completely lost my trust in him.
He's a very responsible man. Although he's lazy at household chores sometimes but never failed to serve me food. I can also see that he loves our baby so much. He barely get sleep and never complained from taking care of our newborn. I break things when I'm mad, I hurt him physically but he never do anything back to me. I don't talk to him on messenger anymore but he's consistent on updating me from the moment he arrived at work, break time, lunch time, and once out and about to go home.
I know I don't have solid proof of cheating or to any of my 'hinala. But I can't stop questioning everything.
submitted by Tough-Square-4060 to adviceph [link] [comments]
Months before my 1st trimester, he got into his first BPO. I noticed na there's this girl on their team pictures na lagi silang magkatabi. I asked him about it and he said it was only coincidence and they don't even talk to each other but few days after, the girl created a group chat with only 4 of them.
Few weeks after that, we're scrolling on his tiktok likes, the girl's old tiktok video was in it. He said it was his colleagues who borrowed his phone and didn't know that they liked it. They were looking at each and everyone's old videos and photos for 'asaran.
Another week came by and we got into an argument because he will not do household chores unless asked to. He's already like that at their home and I understand that it's hard to break what you're used to. However, I just couldn't hold back myself from saying harsh things to him due to stress. I'm a working student. I barely get sleep. On my free time, instead of taking a rest, I need to do household chores while he has only one job to think about and nothing else. He doesn't have plan on continuing his studies so why not help me on little things? I admit that what I said to him are too personal and it really hurt his pride. His parents house is just next to us so after we fought, he go to his parents and while I'm crying alone I thought of accessing his fb activity history and saw that he viewed the girl's fb a minute ago. We fought and broke things. He said he did it to get back to me from what harsh things I said to him.
The next day he was asking me to eat and I told him not to touch me but he insisted and I was out of my mind and reached out for the blade and cut my wrist. It was not deep but it bled a lot. He called my parents and he told them the reason why we fought. My parents told him to just stay away from the girl.
2 days after the incident, my things are already packed and l'm about to leave and go home to my parents but a shopee order came. It was my pregnancy test. I took a test and it was positive. He was very happy and told his family of the news. On my ultasound, we found out I was already 6 weeks pregnant.
A lot of team celebration and outing went by and he insisted on going even If I'm really mad and crying bcos I didn't want him to go. I've seen a group picture of them again when they were next to each other but the sender unsent it. He told the sender (one of his close friends) not to send the picture on their GC as I will get mad. He said he was there first and was talking to his TM when the girl came. He said it will be rude to leave suddenly.
3 weeks after giving birth to our daughter, I saw his call of duty game history. They were playing with their other workmates. Why couldn't he just said no on the invite for the peace in our home? He said it was just a game and it's not like only two of them were playing. I asked him if he knew I was gonna get mad and he said yes and did it anyway.
They are not friends on fb and no chats on messenger. In my conclusion, he was attracted to the girl bcos it seems like he can't stay away from her. This girl has a boyfriend (on and off from what I gathered on stalking on the girl's socmed) and is touchy with his boy workmate (not my boyf).
It's not really a major reason to leave this relationship especially that we have our baby now. But l'm tired and completely lost my trust in him.
He's a very responsible man. Although he's lazy at household chores sometimes but never failed to serve me food. I can also see that he loves our baby so much. He barely get sleep and never complained from taking care of our newborn. I break things when I'm mad, I hurt him physically but he never do anything back to me. I don't talk to him on messenger anymore but he's consistent on updating me from the moment he arrived at work, break time, lunch time, and once out and about to go home.
I know I don't have solid proof of cheating or to any of my 'hinala. But I can't stop questioning everything.
2024.05.19 19:29 Craig-Paxton The Landing Sight for Lehi’s Party Discovered
In a fascinating study, evidenced for a possible landing sight for Lehi in America has been discovered within easy travel distance to Palmyra, NY. If substantiated, it could add weight to an Atlantic migration, the controversial Solutrean Hypothesis, in addition to the traditional Siberian route. https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2024/05/19/first-americans-chesapeake-parsons-island/
The link is behind a pay wall. Here’s the article
PARSONS ISLAND, Md. — With the Chesapeake Bay sloshing at his knee-high boots, Darrin Lowery stood back and squinted at a 10-foot-tall bluff rising above a narrow strip of beach. To the untrained eye, this wall of sandy sediment is the unremarkable edge of a modest island southeast of the Bay Bridge. To Lowery, a coastal geologist, its crumbling layers put the island at the center of one of the most contentious battles in archaeology: when and how humans first made their way into the Americas. The story of the first Americans has long been a matter of public and scientific fascination, undergirded at times by vicious disagreements. The timeline of when people arrived has shifted earlier in grudging steps over the past century, and scientists today mostly agree people were in the Americas at least 15,000 years ago. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery’s site and others like it could revise the story again, pushing back the timeline earlier than most experts thought possible. In total, Lowery and a motley crew of collaborators have discovered 286 artifacts from the site on the island’s southwestern edge. The oldest, they reported, was embedded with charcoal dated to more than 22,000 years ago, a time when much of the continent would have been covered in ice sheets. If Lowery is right, Parsons Island could rewrite American prehistory, opening up a host of new puzzles: How did those people get here? How many waves of early migration were there? And are these mysterious people the ancestors of Native Americans?
Casts of tools found at Parsons Island are seen on display. Lowery and his team have unearthed 286 artifacts from the site so far. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) New claims of sites dated this far back face a wall of skepticism, rooted in legitimate scientific scrutiny and in the threat they pose to long-entrenched views. To complicate matters, Lowery — who has been affiliated with the Smithsonian but does much of his work independently — presented the results of his study of Parsons Island in a 260-page manuscript posted online rather than in a traditional peer-reviewed journal. The peer-review process is designed to help validate scientific claims, but Lowery argues that in archaeology it often leads to a circle-the-wagon mentality, allowing scientists to wave away evidence that doesn’t support the dominant paradigm. He says he isn’t seeking formal publishing routes because “life’s too short,” comparing this aspect of academic science to “the dumbest game I’ve ever played.”
The island is also a challenging site to study for a variety of reasons — most poignantly because it is rapidly eroding as the land subsides and sea level rises. The spot where the artifacts were found is now covered by the choppy waters of the bay. “The visit reinforced my will to invest my time into this time period, because it’s a very fragile record,” said Sebastien Lacombe, an archaeologist at Binghamton University, who visited the island in 2017. “It’s at risk of disappearing, and we’re at risk of [allowing] these sites and artifacts to lose their meaning forever.” ‘A weirdo kid’
Darrin Lowery walks a beach on Parsons Island. Most of the artifacts were excavated by erosion, discovered on the beach after they had already fallen out of the bluff. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery began exploring the Chesapeake shoreline as a child, wandering his backyard on Tilghman Island, about 15 miles southwest from Parsons Island. In 1977, 9-year-old Lowery picked up a distinctive fluted stone projectile point. A few years later, he saw something similar on a documentary on public television, in which a Smithsonian archaeologist explained it was a Clovis point, a relic of what most people then believed were the first Americans. For the last half of the 20th century, the peopling of the Americas followed a tidy narrative. Humans traveled from Siberia across a land bridge that connected Asia and North America during the last Ice Age, when sea levels dropped. They then migrated southward around 13,000 years ago, when the ice sheets covering the continent retreated and exposed a previously impassable inland route. These people — named after a site in Clovis, N.M. — left behind distinctive, fluted stone points that have since been found scattered across North America. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery turned to his dad and said, “I found one of those.” He found more by walking the shoreline every day. Lowery made discoveries as he meandered, and he began to understand how seasonal patterns, sediment movement, wind and waves could unearth ancient treasures. “I was a weirdo kid,” he recalled. He trained as a geologist, and it was geology that initially attracted Lowery to study Parsons Island. In 2010, he published an article in Quaternary Science Reviews describing layers of windblown silt deposited between 13,000 and 41,000 years ago at Miles Point in eastern Maryland. But the geological record is like reading the CliffsNotes version of a book, and he was frustrated by an “unconformity” in the sediment layers where thousands of years were missing, like someone had ripped out those chapters.
Parsons Island is rapidly eroding. The archaeological site is now covered by the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery and a colleague were prowling around in a whaler, looking for a spot that might fill in the blanks, when they spotted a black streak of sediment rising up out of the bay. They pulled up to Parsons Island and thought they had found “the Rosetta stone” to decode the geology. Parsons is a 78-acre island less than a mile offshore that is privately owned by the Corckran family, which uses it as a family retreat. With the Corckrans’ permission, Lowery and colleagues began to visit regularly. The bluff layers preserved a remarkably intact geologic timeline going back more than 40,000 years. Then, one morning in August 2013, the team discovered a leaf-shaped prehistoric stone tool jutting out of this crumbling wall. They knew from the work they’d already done that it was probably quite old. Story continues below advertisement
On a recent visit to the island, geoarchaeologist Daniel Wagner demonstrated why. He stepped back to scan the cliff, then tapped a narrow spade into a light tan sediment layer just above his head. That, he said, is the geologic “chapter” where they’d expect to find Clovis artifacts. Lower layers were set down before Clovis. The palm-size tool Lowery and his colleague found came out of the dark sediment layer near their knees. The scientists used two methods to date the sediment around the artifact, both showing it was more than 20,000 years old. They scoured the beach on 93 visits and conducted a formal, top-down excavation, collecting the 286 artifacts. They sent out sediment to labs that specialize in studying ancient pollen and microfossils called phytoliths to help reconstruct the ecosystem at the time. Back then, this region wouldn’t have been a coastline. The sediment the tools are embedded in dates to the “last glacial maximum” — the scientific term for the most recent coldest period of the Ice Age. In the final analysis, Lowery thinks the artifacts may have been transported downslope before they were buried, making them between 15,000 and 20,500 years old. “This was a swale, where water was collecting,” Lowery said, envisioning the ancient landscape. “You’ve got a dune. It’s got sedges and small trees on it that are windblown and all contorted, and then behind it you’ve got a little pond.” That pond may have attracted prehistoric bison, musk ox and llamas, whose fossilized molars he’s found scattered on the island shore. And it may have been what attracted the mysterious people who left behind a cache of stone tools. A story in flux
Parsons Island is seen from nearby Kent Island in the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island is the latest addition to a growing list of what are called pre-Clovis sites. But while the long-held “Clovis First” theory has crumbled over the past three decades, that has only deepened the debate about how much earlier the first Americans arrived. Claims of early sites present a challenge on two fronts. The first is technical: Dating a site convincingly can be difficult, depending on the context. Sediments can shift or be disturbed. What at first look like artifacts can turn out to be “geofacts,” created not by humans but by natural processes or animals. As a result, many pre-Clovis sites “enjoy a Warhol-esque 15 minutes of fame, and then they disappear” because of real problems with the geology or the methods, said archaeologist James Adovasio. In 1973, he began excavating Meadowcroft Rockshelter in Pennsylvania, which dated back 16,000 years. It was instantly mired in controversy, and the site still has its critics today. The second challenge reflects the culture of science. For a long time, people who claimed to find pre-Clovis sites were swimming upstream against deeply entrenched thinking. Tom Dillehay, an archaeologist at Vanderbilt University, began working on a site in southern Chile called Monte Verde in 1977, which was dated to 14,500 years ago. He recalled a group of researchers he calls the “Clovis police,” scientific gatekeepers who summarily rejected any pre-Clovis sites, sometimes for valid reasons and sometimes as a knee-jerk reaction. Monte Verde began to change that. In 1997, a group of respected archaeologists visited the site and declared it authentic. “It took about 25 to 30 years for Monte Verde to be accepted,” Dillehay said. “We went through hell.”
Holly, a German shorthaired pointer, runs across a bluff top on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery says he isn’t interested in running that gantlet. He noted that he drew on multiple labs and methods for dating the Parsons Island artifacts in an effort to ensure that any one extremely old date isn’t a fluke. He’s also invited other researchers in to visit and study the site. That approach irritates some scientists. David Meltzer, an archaeologist at Southern Methodist University, said in an email that he would not discuss Lowery’s claims “until they go through the wringer of peer review and get published.” Others like Stuart Fiedel, an independent archaeologist based in western Massachusetts who has been skeptical of other sites, say the site should not fly under the radar just because of Lowery’s unconventional process. Story continues below advertisement
“There are people I know in the field who will not pay any attention to it, because it has not been peer-reviewed, which I think is kind of sticking your head in the sand,” Fiedel said. “It’s there. We can’t act as [if] nothing’s been found there.” Share this article Share
A bigger issue may be the site’s rapid erosion. Most of the artifacts were found after they’d fallen out of the bluff, which means their place in the geologic timeline is obscured. Nine artifacts were found in place, and only three were able to be dated using charcoal flecks found next to them. Steven Forman, a geoscientist at Baylor University, helped date the sediment layers at Parsons Island, corroborating findings from another lab. He said that it’s hard to find the artifacts in the kind of bulletproof geological context needed to support extraordinary claims. “The case is not as tight as we like to see it with other sites,” Forman said. Michael Waters, an archaeologist at Texas A&M University who has worked on pre-Clovis sites and excavated at Parsons Island, thinks he probably got there too late, when most of the artifacts had already been eroded out. Still, he pays someone to monitor the bank profile on a regular basis, because he’s ready to jump on a plane if they see something in place. “Too bad we didn’t get there four to five years sooner,” Waters said. Enter ancient DNA
An ancient bovine tooth is among the fossils found so far on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island isn’t the only site that could dramatically push back human arrival in the Americas. Last fall, a study published in the journal Science described fossilized human footprints discovered at White Sands National Park in New Mexico that have been dated to between 21,000 and 23,000 years ago. That stunning finding suggests people were here during the Ice Age — much earlier than most experts thought possible if the first humans arrived via the Bering land bridge and inland corridor. The dates at White Sands are still being disputed because of questions about the methods. But the timeline collides head-on with another exciting line of evidence: studies of ancient DNA. By examining genetic material preserved in bones and teeth and comparing those samples to modern populations, scientists have been able to track when populations mingled and became isolated from one another, offering a new window into patterns of human migration. Story continues below advertisement
In broad strokes, they’ve found that the ancestors of Native Americans split from ancient Siberian populations no earlier than 23,000 years ago. The studies can’t say where such splits took place, but many scientists interpret genetic evidence to mean that the ancestors of modern people weren’t in the Americas until much later. Genetic studies suggest that Native American ancestors traveled into what is now the United States between 17,500 and 14,600 years ago. Joe Watkins, a senior consultant for Archaeological and Cultural Education Consultants in Tucson and a Choctaw tribal member, said that he sees a few problems with using the still-evolving DNA evidence to decide how ancient sites are related to modern-day people. “The reality is genetics does not equal culture,” Watkins said. He also argued that there are still too few samples of ancient DNA in the Americas to be sure they capture the whole story. “Trying to create population histories based on 10 people, if you will, is a little bit of a scientific conundrum,” Watkins said. It could be that additional ancient genomes will one day help fill in the blanks. Another possibility is that earlier sites could represent small, isolated groups of people who didn’t contribute to the ancestry of living Native Americans.
A tree-lined path leads to a beach on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) “Let’s suppose you have a successful population colonizing an area, and then one day, 15 males go out and get eaten by a short-faced bear,” Lowery said. “You reduce the genetic diversity, and bada boom, bada bing, game over.” All this explodes the neat picture of one population migrating into the Americas as ice sheets retreated, hunting big animals like mammoths and giant sloths, driving them into extinction as they went. If there were small groups making their way into the New World, with different stone tool technologies, and far earlier than previously believed, how did they get here? People could have migrated along the coast by boat, following a “kelp highway.” It’s also possible the ice sheet was not as impenetrable as experts have long thought. Lowery’s longtime collaborator, Dennis Stanford, proposed that people crossed the Atlantic Ocean in what is known as the Solutrean Hypothesis, though that idea has been rejected by many archaeologists. To resolve the question, scientists need to keep looking for more evidence. Archaeology is a historical science, and unlike chemistry or biomedicine, where researchers can perform the same experiment over and over again to see if they get the same results, consensus is built by argument, counterargument and new evidence. To a certain extent, older ideas and prejudices also fall away as new people enter the field, said James Feathers, who performed dating on samples from Parsons Island before he retired from the University of Washington. “Sometimes you have to wait for people to die off,” Feathers said.
Alex Corckran, whose family owns Parsons Island, stands on a beach on the southern side of the island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery is determined to keep motoring around the Chesapeake, researching the ephemeral landscape that he loves and that may contain clues about human prehistory. He acknowledges that the sites, perhaps a little bit like him, are “persnickety” but that shouldn’t deter interest in them. Instead, it should spur more. He noted that if a pod of silverfish was found gnawing on documents in the National Archives, people would be galvanized to act. “I view it as my swan song,” Lowery said, “to say you can learn a lot from [an] eroding site if you do a little bit of effort and look at it systematically.”
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By Carolyn Y. Johnson Carolyn Johnson is a science reporter. She previously covered the business of health and the affordability of health care to consumers. Twitter MORE FROM THE POST
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The link is behind a pay wall. Here’s the article
PARSONS ISLAND, Md. — With the Chesapeake Bay sloshing at his knee-high boots, Darrin Lowery stood back and squinted at a 10-foot-tall bluff rising above a narrow strip of beach. To the untrained eye, this wall of sandy sediment is the unremarkable edge of a modest island southeast of the Bay Bridge. To Lowery, a coastal geologist, its crumbling layers put the island at the center of one of the most contentious battles in archaeology: when and how humans first made their way into the Americas. The story of the first Americans has long been a matter of public and scientific fascination, undergirded at times by vicious disagreements. The timeline of when people arrived has shifted earlier in grudging steps over the past century, and scientists today mostly agree people were in the Americas at least 15,000 years ago. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery’s site and others like it could revise the story again, pushing back the timeline earlier than most experts thought possible. In total, Lowery and a motley crew of collaborators have discovered 286 artifacts from the site on the island’s southwestern edge. The oldest, they reported, was embedded with charcoal dated to more than 22,000 years ago, a time when much of the continent would have been covered in ice sheets. If Lowery is right, Parsons Island could rewrite American prehistory, opening up a host of new puzzles: How did those people get here? How many waves of early migration were there? And are these mysterious people the ancestors of Native Americans?
Casts of tools found at Parsons Island are seen on display. Lowery and his team have unearthed 286 artifacts from the site so far. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) New claims of sites dated this far back face a wall of skepticism, rooted in legitimate scientific scrutiny and in the threat they pose to long-entrenched views. To complicate matters, Lowery — who has been affiliated with the Smithsonian but does much of his work independently — presented the results of his study of Parsons Island in a 260-page manuscript posted online rather than in a traditional peer-reviewed journal. The peer-review process is designed to help validate scientific claims, but Lowery argues that in archaeology it often leads to a circle-the-wagon mentality, allowing scientists to wave away evidence that doesn’t support the dominant paradigm. He says he isn’t seeking formal publishing routes because “life’s too short,” comparing this aspect of academic science to “the dumbest game I’ve ever played.”
The island is also a challenging site to study for a variety of reasons — most poignantly because it is rapidly eroding as the land subsides and sea level rises. The spot where the artifacts were found is now covered by the choppy waters of the bay. “The visit reinforced my will to invest my time into this time period, because it’s a very fragile record,” said Sebastien Lacombe, an archaeologist at Binghamton University, who visited the island in 2017. “It’s at risk of disappearing, and we’re at risk of [allowing] these sites and artifacts to lose their meaning forever.” ‘A weirdo kid’
Darrin Lowery walks a beach on Parsons Island. Most of the artifacts were excavated by erosion, discovered on the beach after they had already fallen out of the bluff. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery began exploring the Chesapeake shoreline as a child, wandering his backyard on Tilghman Island, about 15 miles southwest from Parsons Island. In 1977, 9-year-old Lowery picked up a distinctive fluted stone projectile point. A few years later, he saw something similar on a documentary on public television, in which a Smithsonian archaeologist explained it was a Clovis point, a relic of what most people then believed were the first Americans. For the last half of the 20th century, the peopling of the Americas followed a tidy narrative. Humans traveled from Siberia across a land bridge that connected Asia and North America during the last Ice Age, when sea levels dropped. They then migrated southward around 13,000 years ago, when the ice sheets covering the continent retreated and exposed a previously impassable inland route. These people — named after a site in Clovis, N.M. — left behind distinctive, fluted stone points that have since been found scattered across North America. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery turned to his dad and said, “I found one of those.” He found more by walking the shoreline every day. Lowery made discoveries as he meandered, and he began to understand how seasonal patterns, sediment movement, wind and waves could unearth ancient treasures. “I was a weirdo kid,” he recalled. He trained as a geologist, and it was geology that initially attracted Lowery to study Parsons Island. In 2010, he published an article in Quaternary Science Reviews describing layers of windblown silt deposited between 13,000 and 41,000 years ago at Miles Point in eastern Maryland. But the geological record is like reading the CliffsNotes version of a book, and he was frustrated by an “unconformity” in the sediment layers where thousands of years were missing, like someone had ripped out those chapters.
Parsons Island is rapidly eroding. The archaeological site is now covered by the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery and a colleague were prowling around in a whaler, looking for a spot that might fill in the blanks, when they spotted a black streak of sediment rising up out of the bay. They pulled up to Parsons Island and thought they had found “the Rosetta stone” to decode the geology. Parsons is a 78-acre island less than a mile offshore that is privately owned by the Corckran family, which uses it as a family retreat. With the Corckrans’ permission, Lowery and colleagues began to visit regularly. The bluff layers preserved a remarkably intact geologic timeline going back more than 40,000 years. Then, one morning in August 2013, the team discovered a leaf-shaped prehistoric stone tool jutting out of this crumbling wall. They knew from the work they’d already done that it was probably quite old. Story continues below advertisement
On a recent visit to the island, geoarchaeologist Daniel Wagner demonstrated why. He stepped back to scan the cliff, then tapped a narrow spade into a light tan sediment layer just above his head. That, he said, is the geologic “chapter” where they’d expect to find Clovis artifacts. Lower layers were set down before Clovis. The palm-size tool Lowery and his colleague found came out of the dark sediment layer near their knees. The scientists used two methods to date the sediment around the artifact, both showing it was more than 20,000 years old. They scoured the beach on 93 visits and conducted a formal, top-down excavation, collecting the 286 artifacts. They sent out sediment to labs that specialize in studying ancient pollen and microfossils called phytoliths to help reconstruct the ecosystem at the time. Back then, this region wouldn’t have been a coastline. The sediment the tools are embedded in dates to the “last glacial maximum” — the scientific term for the most recent coldest period of the Ice Age. In the final analysis, Lowery thinks the artifacts may have been transported downslope before they were buried, making them between 15,000 and 20,500 years old. “This was a swale, where water was collecting,” Lowery said, envisioning the ancient landscape. “You’ve got a dune. It’s got sedges and small trees on it that are windblown and all contorted, and then behind it you’ve got a little pond.” That pond may have attracted prehistoric bison, musk ox and llamas, whose fossilized molars he’s found scattered on the island shore. And it may have been what attracted the mysterious people who left behind a cache of stone tools. A story in flux
Parsons Island is seen from nearby Kent Island in the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island is the latest addition to a growing list of what are called pre-Clovis sites. But while the long-held “Clovis First” theory has crumbled over the past three decades, that has only deepened the debate about how much earlier the first Americans arrived. Claims of early sites present a challenge on two fronts. The first is technical: Dating a site convincingly can be difficult, depending on the context. Sediments can shift or be disturbed. What at first look like artifacts can turn out to be “geofacts,” created not by humans but by natural processes or animals. As a result, many pre-Clovis sites “enjoy a Warhol-esque 15 minutes of fame, and then they disappear” because of real problems with the geology or the methods, said archaeologist James Adovasio. In 1973, he began excavating Meadowcroft Rockshelter in Pennsylvania, which dated back 16,000 years. It was instantly mired in controversy, and the site still has its critics today. The second challenge reflects the culture of science. For a long time, people who claimed to find pre-Clovis sites were swimming upstream against deeply entrenched thinking. Tom Dillehay, an archaeologist at Vanderbilt University, began working on a site in southern Chile called Monte Verde in 1977, which was dated to 14,500 years ago. He recalled a group of researchers he calls the “Clovis police,” scientific gatekeepers who summarily rejected any pre-Clovis sites, sometimes for valid reasons and sometimes as a knee-jerk reaction. Monte Verde began to change that. In 1997, a group of respected archaeologists visited the site and declared it authentic. “It took about 25 to 30 years for Monte Verde to be accepted,” Dillehay said. “We went through hell.”
Holly, a German shorthaired pointer, runs across a bluff top on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery says he isn’t interested in running that gantlet. He noted that he drew on multiple labs and methods for dating the Parsons Island artifacts in an effort to ensure that any one extremely old date isn’t a fluke. He’s also invited other researchers in to visit and study the site. That approach irritates some scientists. David Meltzer, an archaeologist at Southern Methodist University, said in an email that he would not discuss Lowery’s claims “until they go through the wringer of peer review and get published.” Others like Stuart Fiedel, an independent archaeologist based in western Massachusetts who has been skeptical of other sites, say the site should not fly under the radar just because of Lowery’s unconventional process. Story continues below advertisement
“There are people I know in the field who will not pay any attention to it, because it has not been peer-reviewed, which I think is kind of sticking your head in the sand,” Fiedel said. “It’s there. We can’t act as [if] nothing’s been found there.” Share this article Share
A bigger issue may be the site’s rapid erosion. Most of the artifacts were found after they’d fallen out of the bluff, which means their place in the geologic timeline is obscured. Nine artifacts were found in place, and only three were able to be dated using charcoal flecks found next to them. Steven Forman, a geoscientist at Baylor University, helped date the sediment layers at Parsons Island, corroborating findings from another lab. He said that it’s hard to find the artifacts in the kind of bulletproof geological context needed to support extraordinary claims. “The case is not as tight as we like to see it with other sites,” Forman said. Michael Waters, an archaeologist at Texas A&M University who has worked on pre-Clovis sites and excavated at Parsons Island, thinks he probably got there too late, when most of the artifacts had already been eroded out. Still, he pays someone to monitor the bank profile on a regular basis, because he’s ready to jump on a plane if they see something in place. “Too bad we didn’t get there four to five years sooner,” Waters said. Enter ancient DNA
An ancient bovine tooth is among the fossils found so far on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island isn’t the only site that could dramatically push back human arrival in the Americas. Last fall, a study published in the journal Science described fossilized human footprints discovered at White Sands National Park in New Mexico that have been dated to between 21,000 and 23,000 years ago. That stunning finding suggests people were here during the Ice Age — much earlier than most experts thought possible if the first humans arrived via the Bering land bridge and inland corridor. The dates at White Sands are still being disputed because of questions about the methods. But the timeline collides head-on with another exciting line of evidence: studies of ancient DNA. By examining genetic material preserved in bones and teeth and comparing those samples to modern populations, scientists have been able to track when populations mingled and became isolated from one another, offering a new window into patterns of human migration. Story continues below advertisement
In broad strokes, they’ve found that the ancestors of Native Americans split from ancient Siberian populations no earlier than 23,000 years ago. The studies can’t say where such splits took place, but many scientists interpret genetic evidence to mean that the ancestors of modern people weren’t in the Americas until much later. Genetic studies suggest that Native American ancestors traveled into what is now the United States between 17,500 and 14,600 years ago. Joe Watkins, a senior consultant for Archaeological and Cultural Education Consultants in Tucson and a Choctaw tribal member, said that he sees a few problems with using the still-evolving DNA evidence to decide how ancient sites are related to modern-day people. “The reality is genetics does not equal culture,” Watkins said. He also argued that there are still too few samples of ancient DNA in the Americas to be sure they capture the whole story. “Trying to create population histories based on 10 people, if you will, is a little bit of a scientific conundrum,” Watkins said. It could be that additional ancient genomes will one day help fill in the blanks. Another possibility is that earlier sites could represent small, isolated groups of people who didn’t contribute to the ancestry of living Native Americans.
A tree-lined path leads to a beach on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) “Let’s suppose you have a successful population colonizing an area, and then one day, 15 males go out and get eaten by a short-faced bear,” Lowery said. “You reduce the genetic diversity, and bada boom, bada bing, game over.” All this explodes the neat picture of one population migrating into the Americas as ice sheets retreated, hunting big animals like mammoths and giant sloths, driving them into extinction as they went. If there were small groups making their way into the New World, with different stone tool technologies, and far earlier than previously believed, how did they get here? People could have migrated along the coast by boat, following a “kelp highway.” It’s also possible the ice sheet was not as impenetrable as experts have long thought. Lowery’s longtime collaborator, Dennis Stanford, proposed that people crossed the Atlantic Ocean in what is known as the Solutrean Hypothesis, though that idea has been rejected by many archaeologists. To resolve the question, scientists need to keep looking for more evidence. Archaeology is a historical science, and unlike chemistry or biomedicine, where researchers can perform the same experiment over and over again to see if they get the same results, consensus is built by argument, counterargument and new evidence. To a certain extent, older ideas and prejudices also fall away as new people enter the field, said James Feathers, who performed dating on samples from Parsons Island before he retired from the University of Washington. “Sometimes you have to wait for people to die off,” Feathers said.
Alex Corckran, whose family owns Parsons Island, stands on a beach on the southern side of the island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery is determined to keep motoring around the Chesapeake, researching the ephemeral landscape that he loves and that may contain clues about human prehistory. He acknowledges that the sites, perhaps a little bit like him, are “persnickety” but that shouldn’t deter interest in them. Instead, it should spur more. He noted that if a pod of silverfish was found gnawing on documents in the National Archives, people would be galvanized to act. “I view it as my swan song,” Lowery said, “to say you can learn a lot from [an] eroding site if you do a little bit of effort and look at it systematically.”
Share
1241 Comments
By Carolyn Y. Johnson Carolyn Johnson is a science reporter. She previously covered the business of health and the affordability of health care to consumers. Twitter MORE FROM THE POST
headline Va. Gov. Youngkin vetoes bills on birth control, Confederate tax loopholes May 18, 2024
headline She vanished in 1968. This year her family finally learned what happened. Today at 6:00 a.m. EDT
headline PerspectiveWhen Melania Trump wears a hat May 18, 2024
headline School apologizes after seizing Lakota student’s feathered graduation cap May 18, 2024
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2024.05.19 19:28 confuze0 This is my story. I am now the problem. How do I change my mindset once more?
(F21, M21, together for 2 years, found out 6 months ago)
TL;DR: relationship is healing after his porn addiction and micro-cheating. We have had many conversations, he makes a solid effort and seems to be a changed man. The problem now is the constant flashback reminders. How do you trust again, seeing daily triggers, when the relationship is seriously improving? How to reprogram the mind into renewing trust once more, so I’m not stuck in the past?
**I know people don’t read long posts but if even one person has advice I will seriously appreciate it! PSA: our first relationship. **
Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my best friend before that for 3. I get it, we’re young and it’s normal for guys to watch porn blah blah blah. But this was cheating.
The week we were official, we discussed porn. I asked him how he would feel if I watched porn and vice versa. He expressed strong discomfort. I asked if it would be beneficial to us, he agreed it wasn’t. Since neither of us thought to gain sexual gratification through anybody else, and wouldn’t walk into a strip club or brothel, we decided not to do it online either. We agreed in the conversation that porn is now considered cheating, and off-limits boundary. He admitted to having a porn addiction before, since he was 12.
Fast forward to 6 months into the relationship. I noticed he became far more degrading in sex and also far less interested in me. He would make up excuses for being busy (despite living with me, I know it was quick but this wasn’t official living, he was with me 6 nights a week in a flat on my parents property. We basically lived together as I moved into the flat instead of the main house). After sex, I would explain that I don’t like being degraded THAT much (I normally don’t mind a bit but this was a noticeable difference). He apologised. I asked him if he was watching porn on countless occasions after that, feeling as though the sex was scripted or weirdly unnatural. I told him it was okay if he was watching, I would just prefer to know. He said “of course not” every. Single. Time.
Fast forward to 10 months in. At this point we had been official for that long, but “seeing” each other for roughly a year. I had consistent dreams about him cheating on me with the girl he slept with (my toxic ex-best friend, before we were together in school). She used to judge me for being close friends with him then one day said “I had sex with him last night” as if it was a power move that she got the guy who was flirting with me.
I had insecurities because she is tiny and petite, would talk shit about me to him and brag about having sex with him when he first showed signs of interest in me back at school). Before the porn I struggled with this history and used to cry mid-sex over it because I felt annoyed I wasn’t as sexually experienced or petite as she was. I hardly thought about her after overcoming this so it was weird I saw her fucking him in my dreams after 3 years no contact. My gut was screaming something is wrong.
He left his laptop at mine, (this never happens so I took the opportunity) he had openly told me the password to it before so I knew. Anyway, only come to find that in his search history he has Grace Charis, Kim Kardashian’s tits (he typed a typo so he searched 9 times to find the images) and other girls scattered through his timeline since the last time he cleared his search history. This was without incognito, I could only imagine what else was hidden. It killed me because he told me one of his friends’ girlfriends looked like Kim Kardashian once, I instantly remembered. Yuck.
What hurt most was his instagram. He “never” uses it, and often takes days to respond to cute stuff I send him on there. Turns out he was searching Asian AI pornstar models on instagram (hana_bunny bunny or something), 2 DAYS after my birthday! (Which he put barely any effort into. My 21st he bought me a bucket of cheese and flowers. Thanks I guess?? I spent hundreds for his 21st and made him a book of personalised memories and drawings).
Fast forward. I felt sick to my stomach like never before. Left work early and he knew I went home because he noticed my car wasn’t at work, so he came over. I confronted him. Asked him if he remembered how we talked about porn being cheating? He said yes. I asked him why he thought I deserved to be cheated on then, to which he was silent. I explained how I felt and cried to him saying I would never look like them, and we agreed not to do it.
He confessed straight away. I asked him what genres he normally went for, of course he said “college girls fucking”. Also said he mostly used the top pornhub results that week and did it roughly twice a week for the past 8 months despite the conversation. I believe it was more times than this. At least he was admitting to some of it.
Lots of discussing followed and has ever since. Lots of empty-handed apologies when it was brought up. He purchased porn blockers that I could easily outwit within half a second of testing. But at least he was spending money to fix the problem and it was his idea.
He offered couples counselling but it’s so expensive, I can barely afford rent. He’s offered to pay but I think I need private sessions first, I’m exhausted even explaining this in writing let alone talking to a stranger. I think it’s just a me problem now.
He then decided living with his mates would be better than living with me, despite us going to the same city and same university for the next year ahead. I had turned down moving to another state because he said he would never move there. He told me I had “no chance” of ever living with him and his friends in a heated argument. He said he didn’t want me to “become an accessory to his life”, words he has apologised for but I never forgot.
He moved in with them… but here’s the thing. One of (our mutual) roommate friends has a girlfriend (different girl) whom he has admitted he used to be really attracted to. I told him I would feel gutted that he couldn’t just choose to live with strangers instead so I don’t have to deal with the discomfort of him seeing her potentially more than me, and also that way we would both be in the same position, starting fresh (not choosing his friends over living with me). He then tells the boyfriend I’m upset because he used to like his girlfriend and sugarcoated it, which obviously isn’t the whole story. He told me his friends say I’m crazy for being upset over that, lessening the chance of me ever mingling with them again. Mind you, these guys have all cheated on their partners before and discouraged him from living with me.
Fast forward again. I’m struggling to find a job. I have to pay triple rent because he doesn’t want to live with me at this new place. He has job offers left right and centre, one of them being at a hostel, which is also a club. I told him any of the other 8 jobs sound really good, that’s the only one I’m uncomfortable with due to his porn addiction. I’m worried he will just be flirting the whole time. I was right. He chose that job despite the sadness and anxiety he knew it would bring me.
One day, he BUTT DIALLED me at work (lmaooo). I could hear him flirting with girls in another language (I didn’t know he was learning another language!) and laughing with them like I’ve never heard before. Then he bragged about it to his coworkers and said “she’s so nice, such a great girl”. They cheered him on for speaking the language.
I was fuming. I nearly called it quits that night but since, he has been making an effort. He has drastically improved his behaviour and genuinely makes an effort. He said he has changed his ways, he has apologised many times and though I don’t think he’s necessarily watched porn since I found out, it has been 6 months since, and I’m devastated like it’s the day it happened. The flirting. The way he behaves when I’m not around. I will never know when he’s being disloyal, which sucks. But it’s not like he’s actively messaging or sleeping or hooking up with anyone, it’s only small stuff.
He has done little things here and there to try and reignite the passion: flowers, cards, chocolates and dates etc. which I really appreciate. He doesn’t leave his laptop at mine, even if he knows he is coming back over the same day with it, which was a red flag to me. But so far, I don’t think he’s watching porn. And I have seen a huge improvement in the relationship overall.
My problem now is the reminder. I can’t trust him the way I used to. Every time I see a model I want to crumble. Every time I see Kim Kardashian or Kanye or golfers (Grace) or ads or beautiful women from different countries, it kills a part of me. I have no idea how to move on from this. I get flashbacks all the time. Our intimacy is pretty good still. But every time he calls me beautiful I don’t buy it. There’s always someone better, I feel worthless and I can’t control it anymore. I feel terrible because whilst he’s making great efforts, I still don’t trust him and feel insanely insecure at the thought of him getting to live a double-life. He is a beautiful soul who really does bring out the child in me and I don’t want to lose that. I feel so bad that my brain has changed its thought process. We are now in a much better place together.
He has been proving himself but it still makes me feel like shit knowing I was never good enough for him in the first place. I was his 7th, he was my 1st, not that I care but it explains my devastation. Hence why it’s so heavy for me. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough. He was happy to keep secrets and risk the relationship on multiple occasions, but now that things are fine I’m starting to process more. I need a quick fix to changing my mindset and believing him again to save our relationship. Because things are different now and I have hope for us in the future.
—————————- I would LOVE advice on ways to reverse negative thinking. Ways to forgive, truly, and to learn how to believe partners again. I need new tools to be more resilient and confident again, otherwise this won’t survive. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if I didn’t think it was worthwhile, I don’t want to put 5 years down the drain and would like advice other than merely breaking up. I’ve seen a difference, I am the problem now.
Does anyone have any healthy mind habits they can share, or positive ways to overcome this situation? How do you trust again and stop comparing when triggers arise?
submitted by confuze0 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]
TL;DR: relationship is healing after his porn addiction and micro-cheating. We have had many conversations, he makes a solid effort and seems to be a changed man. The problem now is the constant flashback reminders. How do you trust again, seeing daily triggers, when the relationship is seriously improving? How to reprogram the mind into renewing trust once more, so I’m not stuck in the past?
**I know people don’t read long posts but if even one person has advice I will seriously appreciate it! PSA: our first relationship. **
Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my best friend before that for 3. I get it, we’re young and it’s normal for guys to watch porn blah blah blah. But this was cheating.
The week we were official, we discussed porn. I asked him how he would feel if I watched porn and vice versa. He expressed strong discomfort. I asked if it would be beneficial to us, he agreed it wasn’t. Since neither of us thought to gain sexual gratification through anybody else, and wouldn’t walk into a strip club or brothel, we decided not to do it online either. We agreed in the conversation that porn is now considered cheating, and off-limits boundary. He admitted to having a porn addiction before, since he was 12.
Fast forward to 6 months into the relationship. I noticed he became far more degrading in sex and also far less interested in me. He would make up excuses for being busy (despite living with me, I know it was quick but this wasn’t official living, he was with me 6 nights a week in a flat on my parents property. We basically lived together as I moved into the flat instead of the main house). After sex, I would explain that I don’t like being degraded THAT much (I normally don’t mind a bit but this was a noticeable difference). He apologised. I asked him if he was watching porn on countless occasions after that, feeling as though the sex was scripted or weirdly unnatural. I told him it was okay if he was watching, I would just prefer to know. He said “of course not” every. Single. Time.
Fast forward to 10 months in. At this point we had been official for that long, but “seeing” each other for roughly a year. I had consistent dreams about him cheating on me with the girl he slept with (my toxic ex-best friend, before we were together in school). She used to judge me for being close friends with him then one day said “I had sex with him last night” as if it was a power move that she got the guy who was flirting with me.
I had insecurities because she is tiny and petite, would talk shit about me to him and brag about having sex with him when he first showed signs of interest in me back at school). Before the porn I struggled with this history and used to cry mid-sex over it because I felt annoyed I wasn’t as sexually experienced or petite as she was. I hardly thought about her after overcoming this so it was weird I saw her fucking him in my dreams after 3 years no contact. My gut was screaming something is wrong.
He left his laptop at mine, (this never happens so I took the opportunity) he had openly told me the password to it before so I knew. Anyway, only come to find that in his search history he has Grace Charis, Kim Kardashian’s tits (he typed a typo so he searched 9 times to find the images) and other girls scattered through his timeline since the last time he cleared his search history. This was without incognito, I could only imagine what else was hidden. It killed me because he told me one of his friends’ girlfriends looked like Kim Kardashian once, I instantly remembered. Yuck.
What hurt most was his instagram. He “never” uses it, and often takes days to respond to cute stuff I send him on there. Turns out he was searching Asian AI pornstar models on instagram (hana_bunny bunny or something), 2 DAYS after my birthday! (Which he put barely any effort into. My 21st he bought me a bucket of cheese and flowers. Thanks I guess?? I spent hundreds for his 21st and made him a book of personalised memories and drawings).
Fast forward. I felt sick to my stomach like never before. Left work early and he knew I went home because he noticed my car wasn’t at work, so he came over. I confronted him. Asked him if he remembered how we talked about porn being cheating? He said yes. I asked him why he thought I deserved to be cheated on then, to which he was silent. I explained how I felt and cried to him saying I would never look like them, and we agreed not to do it.
He confessed straight away. I asked him what genres he normally went for, of course he said “college girls fucking”. Also said he mostly used the top pornhub results that week and did it roughly twice a week for the past 8 months despite the conversation. I believe it was more times than this. At least he was admitting to some of it.
Lots of discussing followed and has ever since. Lots of empty-handed apologies when it was brought up. He purchased porn blockers that I could easily outwit within half a second of testing. But at least he was spending money to fix the problem and it was his idea.
He offered couples counselling but it’s so expensive, I can barely afford rent. He’s offered to pay but I think I need private sessions first, I’m exhausted even explaining this in writing let alone talking to a stranger. I think it’s just a me problem now.
He then decided living with his mates would be better than living with me, despite us going to the same city and same university for the next year ahead. I had turned down moving to another state because he said he would never move there. He told me I had “no chance” of ever living with him and his friends in a heated argument. He said he didn’t want me to “become an accessory to his life”, words he has apologised for but I never forgot.
He moved in with them… but here’s the thing. One of (our mutual) roommate friends has a girlfriend (different girl) whom he has admitted he used to be really attracted to. I told him I would feel gutted that he couldn’t just choose to live with strangers instead so I don’t have to deal with the discomfort of him seeing her potentially more than me, and also that way we would both be in the same position, starting fresh (not choosing his friends over living with me). He then tells the boyfriend I’m upset because he used to like his girlfriend and sugarcoated it, which obviously isn’t the whole story. He told me his friends say I’m crazy for being upset over that, lessening the chance of me ever mingling with them again. Mind you, these guys have all cheated on their partners before and discouraged him from living with me.
Fast forward again. I’m struggling to find a job. I have to pay triple rent because he doesn’t want to live with me at this new place. He has job offers left right and centre, one of them being at a hostel, which is also a club. I told him any of the other 8 jobs sound really good, that’s the only one I’m uncomfortable with due to his porn addiction. I’m worried he will just be flirting the whole time. I was right. He chose that job despite the sadness and anxiety he knew it would bring me.
One day, he BUTT DIALLED me at work (lmaooo). I could hear him flirting with girls in another language (I didn’t know he was learning another language!) and laughing with them like I’ve never heard before. Then he bragged about it to his coworkers and said “she’s so nice, such a great girl”. They cheered him on for speaking the language.
I was fuming. I nearly called it quits that night but since, he has been making an effort. He has drastically improved his behaviour and genuinely makes an effort. He said he has changed his ways, he has apologised many times and though I don’t think he’s necessarily watched porn since I found out, it has been 6 months since, and I’m devastated like it’s the day it happened. The flirting. The way he behaves when I’m not around. I will never know when he’s being disloyal, which sucks. But it’s not like he’s actively messaging or sleeping or hooking up with anyone, it’s only small stuff.
He has done little things here and there to try and reignite the passion: flowers, cards, chocolates and dates etc. which I really appreciate. He doesn’t leave his laptop at mine, even if he knows he is coming back over the same day with it, which was a red flag to me. But so far, I don’t think he’s watching porn. And I have seen a huge improvement in the relationship overall.
My problem now is the reminder. I can’t trust him the way I used to. Every time I see a model I want to crumble. Every time I see Kim Kardashian or Kanye or golfers (Grace) or ads or beautiful women from different countries, it kills a part of me. I have no idea how to move on from this. I get flashbacks all the time. Our intimacy is pretty good still. But every time he calls me beautiful I don’t buy it. There’s always someone better, I feel worthless and I can’t control it anymore. I feel terrible because whilst he’s making great efforts, I still don’t trust him and feel insanely insecure at the thought of him getting to live a double-life. He is a beautiful soul who really does bring out the child in me and I don’t want to lose that. I feel so bad that my brain has changed its thought process. We are now in a much better place together.
He has been proving himself but it still makes me feel like shit knowing I was never good enough for him in the first place. I was his 7th, he was my 1st, not that I care but it explains my devastation. Hence why it’s so heavy for me. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough. He was happy to keep secrets and risk the relationship on multiple occasions, but now that things are fine I’m starting to process more. I need a quick fix to changing my mindset and believing him again to save our relationship. Because things are different now and I have hope for us in the future.
—————————- I would LOVE advice on ways to reverse negative thinking. Ways to forgive, truly, and to learn how to believe partners again. I need new tools to be more resilient and confident again, otherwise this won’t survive. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if I didn’t think it was worthwhile, I don’t want to put 5 years down the drain and would like advice other than merely breaking up. I’ve seen a difference, I am the problem now.
Does anyone have any healthy mind habits they can share, or positive ways to overcome this situation? How do you trust again and stop comparing when triggers arise?
2024.05.19 19:13 Chaoticsatire3 Help! Timeline of MIL toxicity. Can you relate? Advice needed. Intrusive, judgmental, overbearing MIL.
-My husband & I have been together for 8yr. Below is a timeline of my MIL issues starting when we first began dating, to now, several years married.
Before meeting my now-husbands mother, VERY early on in our relationship and before we were even official, his mother requested to follow me on all my social media accounts. I had not met her at the time and found it way too soon & creepy. Even at this point I got the initial feeling she was the type who forces levels of intimacy that she has not made the effort to genuinely attain.
-In the beginning I did make a concerted effort w/ his family. I quickly learned his Mother asks v. intrusive questions. It’s clear her questions aren’t genuine, but for the sole purpose of having ‘intel’. As if it’s ’information gathering’ for her benefit.
-The 2nd time meeting his mother she immediately asked me what year my parents got married. I told her I wasn’t sure & she began asking me if I knew what decade.. followed by questions re: my mom’s birthdate. Then she told me what she really wanted to know was my mom’s age (always an ulterior motive..). She was beyond giddy to discover she was younger than my mom. I told her my mom was slightly older than some of my peers mothers bc she had a daughter (my sister) before I was born who passed away and she had trouble conceiving afterwards. His mom didn’t react or respond to this as she was still so giddy to over the fact she was younger than my mom. Red flag..
-When my husband and I were first dating, he lived in a house w/ several guy friends. He was 26. Whenever we’d visit his family his mom would beg him to move back home so he could save money. I found this odd behavior for a mother wanting their son to grow & flourish as an adult.
-After a year & a half dating we decide to move in together. My future MIL pulls me to the side for a 1 on 1 conversation & tells me, “if things don’t work out, don't worry, there’s always a way to break a lease & get out of living together if things aren’t going well” (..why would things not go well…?). She continues on, quizzing me ab my prior relationships and how they ended. Before reverting back to the topic of me and her so moving in together, basically telling me she doesn’t approve.. conversation leaves me feeling unaccepted, awkward and gross. I immediately told my partner how uncomfortable this made me. He was upset and went to have a talk with her. In their conversation- she gaslights him, telling him she feels like she’s walking on eggshells w/ us & she did nothing wrong, we are so sensitive, how she doesn’t do anything right, etc.
-She begins incessantly planning get togethers with us, telling us she never gets to see us (when we visit 1-2x/month). We don’t even live in the same city. Not to mention we’re busy in our 20’s w/ friends & establishing our own lives. Every time she sees us she leads w/, ‘oh I’ve missed you sooo much. when did I see you last? Why has it been so long? I’m soooo happy to see you. (On & on, guilt trip behavior).
-Our first Christmas dating we spent w/ his family, the 2nd year w/ my family. When we told her we planned to spend the 2nd Christmas w/ my family, his mother had a huge outburst which I’d describe as frantic/triggered/unhinged. My husband and I were upset by her reaction and left shortly after. The following day I txted her we were upset she reacted to our plan that way, we spent the prior Christmas w/ them & it was our decision.. and that moving forward we’d be splitting holidays. She played it off, said: “I wasn’t upset at all if you thought that I really wasn’t! I don’t think I came off like that, sorry if you felt that way” then proceeded to change the subject. Once again gaslighting (this being the last time I confront her on my own. My husband handles from here on out).
-She begins asking where I buy all my clothes. Nonstop questions ab my material possessions. Then starts going out and buying the same items for herself.
-She starts constantly telling my husband on the phone how she never sees him, leaving him feeling guilty (he’s improved a lot on the guilt-front, since our early dating era). When we see his parents 1-2 times a month.. and live 2 hrs away.
-Around this time, If I stated an opinion ab something (as in I would bring a topic up on my own) she’d debate everything I’d say as if I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion.
-Pulls me to the side of a party 1 on 1 & tells me in private ‘you’re so lucky to have my son, I just want you to know that you’re really lucky.. I hope you know it’ she wasn’t being nice when she said it.
-Around this time she tells us how my partners sister is so sad he has a gf (me), yet she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Triangulating her 2 children, w/ the goal of wanting her son to feel guilt for being happy and in a successful relationship.
-Husbands mom starts getting jealous when we go on family beach trips w/ my family. We go for a week every year. She makes disapproving comments to us/ is generally unhappy her son is enjoying vacations.
-She starts making comments to my partner ab how I’m so closed off and won’t open up to her (making me look bad while playing the victim) and crying to him about never seeing him and how he doesn’t make enough effort..
-Begins incessantly micromanaging my husband: texts him reminding him of this and that, tells him my (as in me…) birthday is X days away, to make sure to get me something, to get his sister something, reminding him he should ‘make plans with his dad soon or go see his dad soon’ or ‘have you called your sister recently? You need to call her it’s your job as a brother’
-Begins generally undermining how we live our lives, generally casting judgement on any and every decision we make.
-Around this time his sister who is only 2 years younger begins acting bratty- we give her furniture, tvs, clothing large items she says she wants and she is super ungrateful, complains about the items we give her, tells us they’re too heavy for her & that we need to carry it for her and put it In her house for her. Only calls or texts us when she needs something, wants advice, or wants to complain to us. Never any other times. It’s always all ab her.
-His sister then keeps our dog for us when we are out of town for a few days (which we were shocked her said yes). We stocked the fridge w/ 7 or so bottles of wine for her and made our home lovely/ special for her stay. Her new boyfriend even comes to stay with her (they both have roommates so this is a chance for the 2 of them to be alone). After our trip we were over the top grateful thanking her many times. She then pitches a fit to my now husband telling him we bought her cheap Trader Joe’s wine and that she can’t believe we didn’t bring her back a tshirt from our trip, complaining on and on yelling at him.
-My partner and I get engaged and his mom/sister begin trying to force get togethers, my husband sister starts asking me to go to workout classes with her, painting classes, massages, etc.. which is v. out of character for her. It continues & becomes apparent this is happening only bc I’m now engaged to her brother. It feels disgenuine as she never made these efforts in the 5 years before we were engaged…
-My bridesmaids are my closest, nearest dearest friends who I’ve known for 10+ years. My husband’s sister cried when she found out she wasn’t a bridesmaid and started calling my husband weekly crying / begging him to be a bridesmaid. Then my MIL starts calling, telling him how disappointed she is. He tells his mother, I’m not sure why she’d expect to be a bridesmaid, she’s never made an effort, they aren’t close, she gets to select her closest friends to stand by her side. This has nothing to do with not liking or leaving anyone out on purpose. His mom cries, repeats how deeply disappointed she is, how wrong this is, etc. My husband tells his mother he plans to ask his dad to be his best man. Disclaimer: neither of my brothers were by husbands groomsmen, they couldn’t have cared less…
-My husband asks his father to be his best man. His father declines and says ‘no, not unless your sister can be a bridesmaid’………………….
-My MIL creates her own wedding hotel block for her friends and family, sending out a mass email to them. This is outside of the 4 hotel blocks we already have on our wedding website.
-I start hearing my MIL is saying to friends/family, ‘As long as my son is happy that’s all I care about, I just really hope that he is. All I can do is hope’ and telling people how devastated she is that her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid and how messed up and wrong it is and how weddings are a family celebration for the family. No one ever confronts me once about the bridesmaid situation.
-My husband ends up telling his mother to never mention the bridesmaid topic again, how he won’t tolerate it and is done hearing about it.
-We ask my SIL to give a reading at our wedding. Her response: ‘if I have to’. She is a pill our entire wedding, in almost every photo she is scowling.
-When we receive our wedding photos & upload online, my SIL/MIL text and ask me where all the photos of them are (there were plenty…). I told them I uploaded every photo our photographer sent. They told me this wasn’t true, were extremely disrespectful to me, basically told me I was lying when I wasn’t. I uploaded every single one. I even reached out to my photographer to ask if she’s deleted any of the photos before sending…
-My husband & I got into a disagreement with my SIL where we had a huge argument resulting in a 6 month period of no contact. This arises after we confronted her, calmly & maturely about an issue we had to which she cussed us out and called me every terrible curse word you can imagine. My husband was livid- told her she would not talk to/ab me that way & how childish she was behaving, how we should be able to confront her when we are upset about something she’s done, etc. After several months of no contact w/ my SIL, my MIL begins calling my husband saying: you ‘will/must’ resolve things w/ your sister. He says no & it’s not her business. My husbands father then calls him, clearly deployed by MIL (as he’s very chill/no-drama). The situation becomes even more stressful due to my MIL pressuring my husband re: a topic that doesn’t involve her. I too become stressed, seeing my in laws trying to control him. My in laws then have my SIL’s bf text my Husband saying, ‘I really hate seeing this for the family I want everyone to be ok’ (although once has my SIL attempted to reach out & apologize for calling me a bit** cu**, etc). When his attempt doesn’t work on my husband, my MIL then sends my husband & me a joint text message ab How she wouldn’t be intervening if her daughter could handle this on her own & how we need to fix it. My husband responds & tells his mom off, essentially saying: This isn’t your business. My wife is owed an apology, you guys also have never apologized for how horribly you treated us during our wedding.. the happiest time of our lives, a day we get to have exactly how WE want. My sister can handle her own problems she’s an adult, shes never going to learn bc you meddle in every problem she has bc you want things your way. Then when you don’t get what you want, you get everyone to do your dirty work for you in hopes you can bulldoze & get your way. You make everything ab you, what you want, when & how you want it. Those days are over (this is a summary of his response).
(hmm wonder why my SIL doesn’t know how to handle adversity, bc you handle everything for her even though she is an adult)
-SIL reaches out to my husband and says she wants to talk. He says no, you treated my wife poorly. You will reach out and apologize to her, not me. You won’t disrespect my wife. And she does do this although it takes her a week or so. And it did seem genuine.
-I think this all stems from drama my MIL creates, and when things don’t go her way she pulls others in to manipulate them & do her dirty work for her.
-husband and I lived 2 hours from his parents. We end up moving 10 hours away to create distance from his family. They disapprove and generally disapprove of any and every decision we make, as they don’t act with love and support our decisions as loving parents would.
-In laws announce they are starting an annual family vacation…to the private beach MY family has vacationed at since I was born (it’s not a mainstream location…it’s rather obscure). My in laws have never even been there before. I tell my husband I absolutely refuse to go & will not enable the intrusive/copying behavior.
-My husband & I take a trip just 2 of us. We stay in an airbnb. 3 months later his parents tell us they planned a trip to the same location for the 2 of them & they’d also found & booked the exact same airbnb we stayed at so they could experience the same exact trip my husband & I went on….
-Additional overstepping, intrusive, creepy behavior like above persists. They start buying many of the same exact material items, or furniture we own (obscure antiques, designer items, etc….), essentially copying everything we do. We want our own unique & individual things that make us, US. & it seems as if demand to show us they won’t allow us to have that for ourselves under and circumstance. Almost as if they aren’t entitled full access to our lives, so they will bulldoze and access our lives in their own ways to make them feel in control. This is my take.
-There’s no major animosity now but we have majorly pulled away from them. My husband calls his parents once a month or so. We now see them 3-4 times a year.
-Things will be nice & relaxing for a month or 2 then out of the blue my MIL will blow up out of nowhere calling my husband 8x in a row telling him he will speak to his mother he will do this and that. Often he simply ignores her or waits several days to respond. She likes to tell him ‘you need to call your father and speak with him’ ‘hey it’s dads birthday make sure do this and that’ (obviously we know when their birthdays are… we are pretty on top of things, still she cannot stand not being in control).
-MIL just flipped out on my husband for not calling her on Mother’s Day, though we send a gift, card, and send multiple texts first thing in the morning. My husband received multiple messages from his dad : why have you not called your mother??? Did you forget? Call your mother now. We’re skeptical the texts were actually from his dad..
-Although we’ve distanced ourselves, the every 2 mnth outbursts are exhausting. I am now 6 weeks pregnant. So excited! BUT Dreading telling them as I envision MIL & SIL making it all about them, freaking out ab how we aren’t involving them enough.. I imagine my MIL starting to disgeuninely call/text me constantly, demand to be involved at the level she expects & believes she deserves, will probably buy high chairs, cribs, etc for her own home.. and make it about her In any way possible.
Any advice on how to deal with a woman like this? I feel like I have to constantly prepare for her actions, outbursts, or things she might say. She’s draining, the pressure she puts on my husband is absurd, her expectations are outrageous, she’s judgmental and controlling, everything is about her, and she is emotionally immature in every way. I feel protective over my husband and our marriage and can’t stand them constant trying to order him around with their high expectations and demands. Help!
submitted by Chaoticsatire3 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
Before meeting my now-husbands mother, VERY early on in our relationship and before we were even official, his mother requested to follow me on all my social media accounts. I had not met her at the time and found it way too soon & creepy. Even at this point I got the initial feeling she was the type who forces levels of intimacy that she has not made the effort to genuinely attain.
-In the beginning I did make a concerted effort w/ his family. I quickly learned his Mother asks v. intrusive questions. It’s clear her questions aren’t genuine, but for the sole purpose of having ‘intel’. As if it’s ’information gathering’ for her benefit.
-The 2nd time meeting his mother she immediately asked me what year my parents got married. I told her I wasn’t sure & she began asking me if I knew what decade.. followed by questions re: my mom’s birthdate. Then she told me what she really wanted to know was my mom’s age (always an ulterior motive..). She was beyond giddy to discover she was younger than my mom. I told her my mom was slightly older than some of my peers mothers bc she had a daughter (my sister) before I was born who passed away and she had trouble conceiving afterwards. His mom didn’t react or respond to this as she was still so giddy to over the fact she was younger than my mom. Red flag..
-When my husband and I were first dating, he lived in a house w/ several guy friends. He was 26. Whenever we’d visit his family his mom would beg him to move back home so he could save money. I found this odd behavior for a mother wanting their son to grow & flourish as an adult.
-After a year & a half dating we decide to move in together. My future MIL pulls me to the side for a 1 on 1 conversation & tells me, “if things don’t work out, don't worry, there’s always a way to break a lease & get out of living together if things aren’t going well” (..why would things not go well…?). She continues on, quizzing me ab my prior relationships and how they ended. Before reverting back to the topic of me and her so moving in together, basically telling me she doesn’t approve.. conversation leaves me feeling unaccepted, awkward and gross. I immediately told my partner how uncomfortable this made me. He was upset and went to have a talk with her. In their conversation- she gaslights him, telling him she feels like she’s walking on eggshells w/ us & she did nothing wrong, we are so sensitive, how she doesn’t do anything right, etc.
-She begins incessantly planning get togethers with us, telling us she never gets to see us (when we visit 1-2x/month). We don’t even live in the same city. Not to mention we’re busy in our 20’s w/ friends & establishing our own lives. Every time she sees us she leads w/, ‘oh I’ve missed you sooo much. when did I see you last? Why has it been so long? I’m soooo happy to see you. (On & on, guilt trip behavior).
-Our first Christmas dating we spent w/ his family, the 2nd year w/ my family. When we told her we planned to spend the 2nd Christmas w/ my family, his mother had a huge outburst which I’d describe as frantic/triggered/unhinged. My husband and I were upset by her reaction and left shortly after. The following day I txted her we were upset she reacted to our plan that way, we spent the prior Christmas w/ them & it was our decision.. and that moving forward we’d be splitting holidays. She played it off, said: “I wasn’t upset at all if you thought that I really wasn’t! I don’t think I came off like that, sorry if you felt that way” then proceeded to change the subject. Once again gaslighting (this being the last time I confront her on my own. My husband handles from here on out).
-She begins asking where I buy all my clothes. Nonstop questions ab my material possessions. Then starts going out and buying the same items for herself.
-She starts constantly telling my husband on the phone how she never sees him, leaving him feeling guilty (he’s improved a lot on the guilt-front, since our early dating era). When we see his parents 1-2 times a month.. and live 2 hrs away.
-Around this time, If I stated an opinion ab something (as in I would bring a topic up on my own) she’d debate everything I’d say as if I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion.
-Pulls me to the side of a party 1 on 1 & tells me in private ‘you’re so lucky to have my son, I just want you to know that you’re really lucky.. I hope you know it’ she wasn’t being nice when she said it.
-Around this time she tells us how my partners sister is so sad he has a gf (me), yet she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Triangulating her 2 children, w/ the goal of wanting her son to feel guilt for being happy and in a successful relationship.
-Husbands mom starts getting jealous when we go on family beach trips w/ my family. We go for a week every year. She makes disapproving comments to us/ is generally unhappy her son is enjoying vacations.
-She starts making comments to my partner ab how I’m so closed off and won’t open up to her (making me look bad while playing the victim) and crying to him about never seeing him and how he doesn’t make enough effort..
-Begins incessantly micromanaging my husband: texts him reminding him of this and that, tells him my (as in me…) birthday is X days away, to make sure to get me something, to get his sister something, reminding him he should ‘make plans with his dad soon or go see his dad soon’ or ‘have you called your sister recently? You need to call her it’s your job as a brother’
-Begins generally undermining how we live our lives, generally casting judgement on any and every decision we make.
-Around this time his sister who is only 2 years younger begins acting bratty- we give her furniture, tvs, clothing large items she says she wants and she is super ungrateful, complains about the items we give her, tells us they’re too heavy for her & that we need to carry it for her and put it In her house for her. Only calls or texts us when she needs something, wants advice, or wants to complain to us. Never any other times. It’s always all ab her.
-His sister then keeps our dog for us when we are out of town for a few days (which we were shocked her said yes). We stocked the fridge w/ 7 or so bottles of wine for her and made our home lovely/ special for her stay. Her new boyfriend even comes to stay with her (they both have roommates so this is a chance for the 2 of them to be alone). After our trip we were over the top grateful thanking her many times. She then pitches a fit to my now husband telling him we bought her cheap Trader Joe’s wine and that she can’t believe we didn’t bring her back a tshirt from our trip, complaining on and on yelling at him.
-My partner and I get engaged and his mom/sister begin trying to force get togethers, my husband sister starts asking me to go to workout classes with her, painting classes, massages, etc.. which is v. out of character for her. It continues & becomes apparent this is happening only bc I’m now engaged to her brother. It feels disgenuine as she never made these efforts in the 5 years before we were engaged…
-My bridesmaids are my closest, nearest dearest friends who I’ve known for 10+ years. My husband’s sister cried when she found out she wasn’t a bridesmaid and started calling my husband weekly crying / begging him to be a bridesmaid. Then my MIL starts calling, telling him how disappointed she is. He tells his mother, I’m not sure why she’d expect to be a bridesmaid, she’s never made an effort, they aren’t close, she gets to select her closest friends to stand by her side. This has nothing to do with not liking or leaving anyone out on purpose. His mom cries, repeats how deeply disappointed she is, how wrong this is, etc. My husband tells his mother he plans to ask his dad to be his best man. Disclaimer: neither of my brothers were by husbands groomsmen, they couldn’t have cared less…
-My husband asks his father to be his best man. His father declines and says ‘no, not unless your sister can be a bridesmaid’………………….
-My MIL creates her own wedding hotel block for her friends and family, sending out a mass email to them. This is outside of the 4 hotel blocks we already have on our wedding website.
-I start hearing my MIL is saying to friends/family, ‘As long as my son is happy that’s all I care about, I just really hope that he is. All I can do is hope’ and telling people how devastated she is that her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid and how messed up and wrong it is and how weddings are a family celebration for the family. No one ever confronts me once about the bridesmaid situation.
-My husband ends up telling his mother to never mention the bridesmaid topic again, how he won’t tolerate it and is done hearing about it.
-We ask my SIL to give a reading at our wedding. Her response: ‘if I have to’. She is a pill our entire wedding, in almost every photo she is scowling.
-When we receive our wedding photos & upload online, my SIL/MIL text and ask me where all the photos of them are (there were plenty…). I told them I uploaded every photo our photographer sent. They told me this wasn’t true, were extremely disrespectful to me, basically told me I was lying when I wasn’t. I uploaded every single one. I even reached out to my photographer to ask if she’s deleted any of the photos before sending…
-My husband & I got into a disagreement with my SIL where we had a huge argument resulting in a 6 month period of no contact. This arises after we confronted her, calmly & maturely about an issue we had to which she cussed us out and called me every terrible curse word you can imagine. My husband was livid- told her she would not talk to/ab me that way & how childish she was behaving, how we should be able to confront her when we are upset about something she’s done, etc. After several months of no contact w/ my SIL, my MIL begins calling my husband saying: you ‘will/must’ resolve things w/ your sister. He says no & it’s not her business. My husbands father then calls him, clearly deployed by MIL (as he’s very chill/no-drama). The situation becomes even more stressful due to my MIL pressuring my husband re: a topic that doesn’t involve her. I too become stressed, seeing my in laws trying to control him. My in laws then have my SIL’s bf text my Husband saying, ‘I really hate seeing this for the family I want everyone to be ok’ (although once has my SIL attempted to reach out & apologize for calling me a bit** cu**, etc). When his attempt doesn’t work on my husband, my MIL then sends my husband & me a joint text message ab How she wouldn’t be intervening if her daughter could handle this on her own & how we need to fix it. My husband responds & tells his mom off, essentially saying: This isn’t your business. My wife is owed an apology, you guys also have never apologized for how horribly you treated us during our wedding.. the happiest time of our lives, a day we get to have exactly how WE want. My sister can handle her own problems she’s an adult, shes never going to learn bc you meddle in every problem she has bc you want things your way. Then when you don’t get what you want, you get everyone to do your dirty work for you in hopes you can bulldoze & get your way. You make everything ab you, what you want, when & how you want it. Those days are over (this is a summary of his response).
(hmm wonder why my SIL doesn’t know how to handle adversity, bc you handle everything for her even though she is an adult)
-SIL reaches out to my husband and says she wants to talk. He says no, you treated my wife poorly. You will reach out and apologize to her, not me. You won’t disrespect my wife. And she does do this although it takes her a week or so. And it did seem genuine.
-I think this all stems from drama my MIL creates, and when things don’t go her way she pulls others in to manipulate them & do her dirty work for her.
-husband and I lived 2 hours from his parents. We end up moving 10 hours away to create distance from his family. They disapprove and generally disapprove of any and every decision we make, as they don’t act with love and support our decisions as loving parents would.
-In laws announce they are starting an annual family vacation…to the private beach MY family has vacationed at since I was born (it’s not a mainstream location…it’s rather obscure). My in laws have never even been there before. I tell my husband I absolutely refuse to go & will not enable the intrusive/copying behavior.
-My husband & I take a trip just 2 of us. We stay in an airbnb. 3 months later his parents tell us they planned a trip to the same location for the 2 of them & they’d also found & booked the exact same airbnb we stayed at so they could experience the same exact trip my husband & I went on….
-Additional overstepping, intrusive, creepy behavior like above persists. They start buying many of the same exact material items, or furniture we own (obscure antiques, designer items, etc….), essentially copying everything we do. We want our own unique & individual things that make us, US. & it seems as if demand to show us they won’t allow us to have that for ourselves under and circumstance. Almost as if they aren’t entitled full access to our lives, so they will bulldoze and access our lives in their own ways to make them feel in control. This is my take.
-There’s no major animosity now but we have majorly pulled away from them. My husband calls his parents once a month or so. We now see them 3-4 times a year.
-Things will be nice & relaxing for a month or 2 then out of the blue my MIL will blow up out of nowhere calling my husband 8x in a row telling him he will speak to his mother he will do this and that. Often he simply ignores her or waits several days to respond. She likes to tell him ‘you need to call your father and speak with him’ ‘hey it’s dads birthday make sure do this and that’ (obviously we know when their birthdays are… we are pretty on top of things, still she cannot stand not being in control).
-MIL just flipped out on my husband for not calling her on Mother’s Day, though we send a gift, card, and send multiple texts first thing in the morning. My husband received multiple messages from his dad : why have you not called your mother??? Did you forget? Call your mother now. We’re skeptical the texts were actually from his dad..
-Although we’ve distanced ourselves, the every 2 mnth outbursts are exhausting. I am now 6 weeks pregnant. So excited! BUT Dreading telling them as I envision MIL & SIL making it all about them, freaking out ab how we aren’t involving them enough.. I imagine my MIL starting to disgeuninely call/text me constantly, demand to be involved at the level she expects & believes she deserves, will probably buy high chairs, cribs, etc for her own home.. and make it about her In any way possible.
Any advice on how to deal with a woman like this? I feel like I have to constantly prepare for her actions, outbursts, or things she might say. She’s draining, the pressure she puts on my husband is absurd, her expectations are outrageous, she’s judgmental and controlling, everything is about her, and she is emotionally immature in every way. I feel protective over my husband and our marriage and can’t stand them constant trying to order him around with their high expectations and demands. Help!
2024.05.19 18:45 Icy_Mix6178 Reunification therapy?
We’re currently dealing with a nightmare and I wanted to hear other peoples experiences/advice.
In a situation where my husbands kids refuse to come over for his parenting time, so mom has filed a motion to take the kids completely. We hit a rough patch and had some arguments but things are better and honestly it’s no worse than her household/relationship… we’re just always under the microscope by her and it feels like there’s this big cloud over our home in which she’s always watching and judging and criticizing us to the kids and we can’t just live our lives peacefully.
Anyways the GAL who thankfully seems to be aware of her games has recommended a family therapist and we’re having several problems… we feel kind of extorted by this woman, who charges several hundred a session.
This whole time we’ve been seeing her she refuses to put a timeline or a written plan to anything… it just kinda feels like we’re floating in limbo all the time.
She’s seen the kids for several solo sessions that mom transports them to.
It feels like she doesn’t read any of our emails or documents she’s even requested us to produce. We don’t feel heard. When we say something like mom has disparaged us and we have proof, she asks for the proof, we give it to her, she doesn’t address it. Meanwhile moms made several ridiculous accusations and she’s come at us as though it were the gospel truth, with no proof.
Emails between mom and therapist seem kinda friendly and unprofessional.
She’s dropped the ball on a lot of things and failed to follow up. Said she would send us something and hasn’t, etc.
When disagreed with she seems to retaliate by sending an email copying the GAL on it saying things like we’re explosive and unstable, which isn’t true.
We've followed every recommendation and the whole process has felt very one step forward where she says it’s going well and we’re doing good things, and two steps back, where she shames us for something that wasn’t even necessarily wrong and the kids didn’t have an issue with until she made it one.
She changed her tone for a minute right after a court thing where I believe the GAL may have told her to cut it out and focus on reunification rather than the coparenting relationship. But it seems to have gone back to the same unproductive crap. It feels like she’s just dragging us along for the money and we’re feeling defeated and don’t know what to do. A huge goal of reunification was to get me into a session with kids and that hasn’t happened yet, yet kids have been alone with me with no issues, and she keeps suggesting supervised visits with me and stating that the reason for this is not because the kids are concerned for their safety but to make them more comfortable. Yet mom is taking this suggestion and running with it and talking as though it’s a safety issue.
Court is in a few months to address mom’s motion. We just want a shot at a normal summer.
submitted by Icy_Mix6178 to ParentalAlienation [link] [comments]
In a situation where my husbands kids refuse to come over for his parenting time, so mom has filed a motion to take the kids completely. We hit a rough patch and had some arguments but things are better and honestly it’s no worse than her household/relationship… we’re just always under the microscope by her and it feels like there’s this big cloud over our home in which she’s always watching and judging and criticizing us to the kids and we can’t just live our lives peacefully.
Anyways the GAL who thankfully seems to be aware of her games has recommended a family therapist and we’re having several problems… we feel kind of extorted by this woman, who charges several hundred a session.
This whole time we’ve been seeing her she refuses to put a timeline or a written plan to anything… it just kinda feels like we’re floating in limbo all the time.
She’s seen the kids for several solo sessions that mom transports them to.
It feels like she doesn’t read any of our emails or documents she’s even requested us to produce. We don’t feel heard. When we say something like mom has disparaged us and we have proof, she asks for the proof, we give it to her, she doesn’t address it. Meanwhile moms made several ridiculous accusations and she’s come at us as though it were the gospel truth, with no proof.
Emails between mom and therapist seem kinda friendly and unprofessional.
She’s dropped the ball on a lot of things and failed to follow up. Said she would send us something and hasn’t, etc.
When disagreed with she seems to retaliate by sending an email copying the GAL on it saying things like we’re explosive and unstable, which isn’t true.
We've followed every recommendation and the whole process has felt very one step forward where she says it’s going well and we’re doing good things, and two steps back, where she shames us for something that wasn’t even necessarily wrong and the kids didn’t have an issue with until she made it one.
She changed her tone for a minute right after a court thing where I believe the GAL may have told her to cut it out and focus on reunification rather than the coparenting relationship. But it seems to have gone back to the same unproductive crap. It feels like she’s just dragging us along for the money and we’re feeling defeated and don’t know what to do. A huge goal of reunification was to get me into a session with kids and that hasn’t happened yet, yet kids have been alone with me with no issues, and she keeps suggesting supervised visits with me and stating that the reason for this is not because the kids are concerned for their safety but to make them more comfortable. Yet mom is taking this suggestion and running with it and talking as though it’s a safety issue.
Court is in a few months to address mom’s motion. We just want a shot at a normal summer.
2024.05.19 18:44 PensiveGamez From an old email sent to HR in 2014
This is an email I sent to head office HR. Got no response and no action was taken, so therefore it was ignored:
Dear [Head of HR],
This is regarding a more serious issue, as you may or guessed from the title. I feel I need to raise this it's possible this might not of been the first time something similar has happened to me.
After about a month of arriving at [location of work] I became a training buddy due to my years of experience at cinemas and I have now been performing this duty for many years. Shortly after joining [cinema brand] I became a member of the projection team, then during the change over to digital projection I became a digital buddy
Recently the duties have been revamped for both roles, but I have been left out of this. I have discussed this with [Twit of a GM] (our new general manager) and he completely ignored any knowledge of all of the hard work I had been doing in these roles over the years. (I informed him that I am a buddy after the first staff meeting) and he stated that I haven't been do the two jobs recently.
I must state it's hard to do the job of digital buddy, for example when during a power out the important information that you have given to the manager is ignored. leading to further problems.
The digital buddy has to be invited to do their job to delete old files from the server, chase KDMs, and such, so how am I meant to do that job without the invite (it's only in the past week or two that [co-worker] has been allowed to do the deletes. I helped in training [co-worker] on how to do digital projection when he came to [location of work])
In the training buddy section of my job I train new staff when they come in, sometimes management will provide me the forms for the trainee to fill in and sometimes not, this prevents me from correctly performing the signing off of new staff. The management have never informed me of this new box system (which has been implemented only a short time ago), but they have been treating me as a trainer and I have been training people.
[Twit of a GM] says that because I haven't been using the box system I'm not a trainer, even though I have been performing that role.
[Twit of a GM] has said my up selling is up and down every week, which doesn't set a good standard (yet at the same time saying up selling isn't the reason for not allowing me to be a buddy).
He complimented me on my customer service saying it was the best, but then insulted the way I look and implied that no one would come to me for help, this is quite bizarre as after talking to him I asked my co-workers that day and they were confused as to why he would say that as they always come to me when I'm there.
To tell you the truth that saying that colleagues do not seek my assistance was the biggest insult to me and is clearly untrue. I try to solve problems before the need to the manager whenever I can.
Regarding my appearance, one shirt they gave me is too baggy but I tuck it in and my other shirt is too small but it looks better in comparison so I try to wear that one (shirt sizing seems to be a problem).
[Twit of a GM] informed that when he arrived at the site he was introduced to the managers and buddies at the time (I do not know as to why I was not there, but it could be something to do with [Old Dumbass GM], who seemed to have a problem with me because I had requested to move sites and he refused the transfer, or it could have been something else as I was never given a satisfactory reason.
There were other instances of [Old Dumbass GM] behaviour towards me, I provided many ideas to improve the cinema but these were generally ignored.
It is interesting to note that many of the other managers have known that I am a digital and training buddy, but [Twit of a GM] and a select few disregard this fact.
I feel that I have been demoted not via any official means, but according to the whims of a few members of the management team.
Soon after [Twit of a GM]’s arrival at [location of work] I was asked about my sick days and I answered honestly the sick days were necessary and I have gone over this with another manager. Every time I have been sick, if I have had to visit the hospital (which I was forced to do so by a manager once because of chest pains) I have sent in pictures of the forms and any other information they may need (I still have the emails with all the information I gave). But for some reason I get the feeling am I looked at by him as if I am dishonestly taking those sick days.
Now this is in my file and I have talked to at least one manager at [location of work] (and one at [another location of worked when needed for an event], now), I have dyslexia with dyspraxic tendencies and also suffer with depression, these are very personal I feel that these are being used against me as they make me very vulnerable to being discriminated against. [Twit of a GM] response was that he doesn't know of any of this (which seems to be a line I heard too many times in that meeting).
I've put a lot of time and effort and sometime money in to my job (I brought pens for every person and labeled them so each person would have a pen. I brought torches to light the hawking trolley. I created a spreadsheet to help in the rotation of the posters, etc) and many joked I lived at the cinema as I was there so much, but now I have managed to have a life outside of the cinema and my job responsibilities are been taken away, despite all the years I have put in, it is very disheartening to think my efforts have been wasted
I am certainly not progressing at my current site, and I feel my skills and experience are being wasted. I am only allowed to perform duties I am qualified for when it is convenient to the management.
I suggest the best thing would be for me to get a transfer to a site closer to [location of where live] and be reinstated to the role of Digital and training buddy. If possible I would like to work in the [another location of worked when needed for an event] sites as I miss working in the [another location of worked when needed for an event] and I enjoyed the times I worked at the [another location of worked when needed for an event] site as well as visiting the [different cinema location] site (I have talked to [cool manager] once or twice saying I would love to work with her once again). If not [[a nice cinema location I did some projection cover for] would be nice (where I trained some managers how to use the digital projectors).
Please if you could help me that would be great.
Sincerely,
Pensivegamez
submitted by PensiveGamez to antiwork [link] [comments]
Dear [Head of HR],
This is regarding a more serious issue, as you may or guessed from the title. I feel I need to raise this it's possible this might not of been the first time something similar has happened to me.
After about a month of arriving at [location of work] I became a training buddy due to my years of experience at cinemas and I have now been performing this duty for many years. Shortly after joining [cinema brand] I became a member of the projection team, then during the change over to digital projection I became a digital buddy
Recently the duties have been revamped for both roles, but I have been left out of this. I have discussed this with [Twit of a GM] (our new general manager) and he completely ignored any knowledge of all of the hard work I had been doing in these roles over the years. (I informed him that I am a buddy after the first staff meeting) and he stated that I haven't been do the two jobs recently.
I must state it's hard to do the job of digital buddy, for example when during a power out the important information that you have given to the manager is ignored. leading to further problems.
The digital buddy has to be invited to do their job to delete old files from the server, chase KDMs, and such, so how am I meant to do that job without the invite (it's only in the past week or two that [co-worker] has been allowed to do the deletes. I helped in training [co-worker] on how to do digital projection when he came to [location of work])
In the training buddy section of my job I train new staff when they come in, sometimes management will provide me the forms for the trainee to fill in and sometimes not, this prevents me from correctly performing the signing off of new staff. The management have never informed me of this new box system (which has been implemented only a short time ago), but they have been treating me as a trainer and I have been training people.
[Twit of a GM] says that because I haven't been using the box system I'm not a trainer, even though I have been performing that role.
[Twit of a GM] has said my up selling is up and down every week, which doesn't set a good standard (yet at the same time saying up selling isn't the reason for not allowing me to be a buddy).
He complimented me on my customer service saying it was the best, but then insulted the way I look and implied that no one would come to me for help, this is quite bizarre as after talking to him I asked my co-workers that day and they were confused as to why he would say that as they always come to me when I'm there.
To tell you the truth that saying that colleagues do not seek my assistance was the biggest insult to me and is clearly untrue. I try to solve problems before the need to the manager whenever I can.
Regarding my appearance, one shirt they gave me is too baggy but I tuck it in and my other shirt is too small but it looks better in comparison so I try to wear that one (shirt sizing seems to be a problem).
[Twit of a GM] informed that when he arrived at the site he was introduced to the managers and buddies at the time (I do not know as to why I was not there, but it could be something to do with [Old Dumbass GM], who seemed to have a problem with me because I had requested to move sites and he refused the transfer, or it could have been something else as I was never given a satisfactory reason.
There were other instances of [Old Dumbass GM] behaviour towards me, I provided many ideas to improve the cinema but these were generally ignored.
It is interesting to note that many of the other managers have known that I am a digital and training buddy, but [Twit of a GM] and a select few disregard this fact.
I feel that I have been demoted not via any official means, but according to the whims of a few members of the management team.
Soon after [Twit of a GM]’s arrival at [location of work] I was asked about my sick days and I answered honestly the sick days were necessary and I have gone over this with another manager. Every time I have been sick, if I have had to visit the hospital (which I was forced to do so by a manager once because of chest pains) I have sent in pictures of the forms and any other information they may need (I still have the emails with all the information I gave). But for some reason I get the feeling am I looked at by him as if I am dishonestly taking those sick days.
Now this is in my file and I have talked to at least one manager at [location of work] (and one at [another location of worked when needed for an event], now), I have dyslexia with dyspraxic tendencies and also suffer with depression, these are very personal I feel that these are being used against me as they make me very vulnerable to being discriminated against. [Twit of a GM] response was that he doesn't know of any of this (which seems to be a line I heard too many times in that meeting).
I've put a lot of time and effort and sometime money in to my job (I brought pens for every person and labeled them so each person would have a pen. I brought torches to light the hawking trolley. I created a spreadsheet to help in the rotation of the posters, etc) and many joked I lived at the cinema as I was there so much, but now I have managed to have a life outside of the cinema and my job responsibilities are been taken away, despite all the years I have put in, it is very disheartening to think my efforts have been wasted
I am certainly not progressing at my current site, and I feel my skills and experience are being wasted. I am only allowed to perform duties I am qualified for when it is convenient to the management.
I suggest the best thing would be for me to get a transfer to a site closer to [location of where live] and be reinstated to the role of Digital and training buddy. If possible I would like to work in the [another location of worked when needed for an event] sites as I miss working in the [another location of worked when needed for an event] and I enjoyed the times I worked at the [another location of worked when needed for an event] site as well as visiting the [different cinema location] site (I have talked to [cool manager] once or twice saying I would love to work with her once again). If not [[a nice cinema location I did some projection cover for] would be nice (where I trained some managers how to use the digital projectors).
Please if you could help me that would be great.
Sincerely,
Pensivegamez
2024.05.19 18:35 RealisticCarpenter83 NB/25/US Musician from Oklahoma looking for kindred spirits and distance myself from social media
Hi. I have not written anything in a while so if this is choppy, bear with me.
I’m nonbinary (AFAB) and use any pronouns. Your age or gender or country doesn’t matter to me. I love speaking to people very different than me.
I have suffered from a lot of anxiety and avoidant behaviors most of my life, which led to me being a shut-in internet addict for years pre-COVID. In my adult life now, I find it very difficult to connect with others. But I love people, I love observing their little quirks. I love getting to know their stories, I often wonder about their inner dialogue and dreams and all the experiences they’ve had that led them to the same place and time as me.
But anyway, I’m very much a late bloomer and I’ve only been integrating back into society for about 3 years now. I’ve made lots of progress, and friends of some sort. But I feel very lonely. I mistook this for a different loneliness and threw myself into romantic relationships. I’ve realized that, the entire time I just needed friends. I just craved connection. To be seen. To see. Real connections, that are intentional.
Everyone in my social circle seems to be fixated on Twitter and the idea of “mutuals”, preoccupied with dating apps and the latest situationship. I adapted to this, but I find myself always feeling empty, and lately that doesn’t feel like enough to me.
I crave something different. I crave something sweeter, something intentional, something wholesome. I want to feel like apart of it all. I know the life I could live, I know the capacity for connection I could have, I know it’s out there.
I use to read my grandmas letters and postcards often, and I’ve always wanted to do the same. I find it so sweet that two humans in different places take the time and effort to tell each other about their lives and what they’ve seen, and send little photos. It’s beautiful.
With that being said, I’ll tell you a bit about me so maybe we can have common interests to build off of.
submitted by RealisticCarpenter83 to penpals [link] [comments]
I’m nonbinary (AFAB) and use any pronouns. Your age or gender or country doesn’t matter to me. I love speaking to people very different than me.
I have suffered from a lot of anxiety and avoidant behaviors most of my life, which led to me being a shut-in internet addict for years pre-COVID. In my adult life now, I find it very difficult to connect with others. But I love people, I love observing their little quirks. I love getting to know their stories, I often wonder about their inner dialogue and dreams and all the experiences they’ve had that led them to the same place and time as me.
But anyway, I’m very much a late bloomer and I’ve only been integrating back into society for about 3 years now. I’ve made lots of progress, and friends of some sort. But I feel very lonely. I mistook this for a different loneliness and threw myself into romantic relationships. I’ve realized that, the entire time I just needed friends. I just craved connection. To be seen. To see. Real connections, that are intentional.
Everyone in my social circle seems to be fixated on Twitter and the idea of “mutuals”, preoccupied with dating apps and the latest situationship. I adapted to this, but I find myself always feeling empty, and lately that doesn’t feel like enough to me.
I crave something different. I crave something sweeter, something intentional, something wholesome. I want to feel like apart of it all. I know the life I could live, I know the capacity for connection I could have, I know it’s out there.
I use to read my grandmas letters and postcards often, and I’ve always wanted to do the same. I find it so sweet that two humans in different places take the time and effort to tell each other about their lives and what they’ve seen, and send little photos. It’s beautiful.
With that being said, I’ll tell you a bit about me so maybe we can have common interests to build off of.
- I’m a self taught musician. I never performed beyond for friends and family, it’s more of a therapeutic thing for me. I have been asked to play for my best friend’s wedding though, which is very scary. I’ve played guitar for over a decade, I love trying to pick up other instruments too.
- I enjoy music a lot. I use to collect records, and would one day like to get back into it. Some of my favorite artists currently are Adrianne Lenker, Faye Webster, Indigo De Souza, Boygenius, Julia Jacklin. I love finding new music, and making playlists. I’d love to eventually burn CDs and make physical playlists for people I’m close to.
- I don’t watch a whole lot of film, but some of my favorites are After Hours, A portrait of a Lady on Fire, and I really enjoyed Love Lies Bleeding. I’m currently watching the series Normal People.
- I don’t read and haven’t in a long time, however I want to change this. I have a list of books I’d like to read.
- I work nightshift, a very repetitive and menial postal job.
- I love nature but stay inside way too often because my avoidance with being perceived by others and living in a city. When I lived in a rural town, I loved being outside. I’d really like to push myself to go to parks, hiking, lakes.
- I enjoy learning about “practical” and handy things. I use to go to welding school and enjoyed it very much. I did a construction pre-apprenticeship too. There’s a lot that I don’t know but it’s an interest of mine. I love learning about the trades and how we sustain our shelters. I love architecture and landscaping and spaces that feel beautiful to be in. I also have a special interest in learning about the construction of cob houses, and would LOVE to do a workshop one day.
- I love learning overall, about anything. But I’d really like to learn how to garden and cook. I also bake from time to time, but haven’t in a while due to housing insecurity.
2024.05.19 18:31 TheAbsoluteBread Project Octopath Traveler 3: Asherah the Chef, Chapter 2
Hey Everyone! I was working on the delayed chapters together in hopes of getting both of them out and over with at similar times. Crazy how long this chapter took to make (It was originally supposed to be the third!!) but I’m glad it was delayed so I could work on making it the best version it can be.
Completed Chapter 2s: Thearnt, Taland, Pascal, Harmony, Crowson, Asherah
(Next Chapter 2: Oukirii the Hunter)
Asherah the Chef, Chapter 2: Recommended Level 23
——————
(The Journey So Far…)
Asherah was separated from her home, in an avalanche that sent her falling to the bottom of the largest mountain in the realm…
She made it her mission to return home, and to climb the great mountain just like her mother did.
She felt stuck as to how, until she remembered a story she was told. About what her mother’s life was like before she climbed the mountain.
Asherah set out for Limesville, in an attempt to purchase the gear she needs to survive the climb home…
“So this is Limesville. Not what I imagined it would be, but it looks like a nice town.” Asherah says “I’d better get to the shop as soon as possible. Let’s get this over with.”
You’d head to the Limesville Weapons/Equipment Shop
Asherah is spotted by an older woman outside, she’d ask “Do I know you from somewhere?”
Asherah tells the woman that they don’t know each other, she just arrived in town just now, before trying to walk away…
“Wynona?” The woman calls out
“Hm?” Asherah turns around “Oh, you knew my mother?”
“You’re Wynona’s daughter?”
“Yes. My name is Asherah.”
The Woman eagerly walks over and shakes her hand “Call me Shelby! Your Mother and I used to work together at a restaurant here long ago. —Would you like to come see the old place?”
Asherah steps back. She’s hesitant, but the idea intrigues her enough to forget about the detour from her original goal.
You’d head to Shelby’s Bakery Restaurant
“You are putting way too much flour into that.” Asherah interrupts
“I’m sorry?” Shelby replies. Asherah asks if she can help out a little. She rolls up her sleeves and starts working. Shelby asks what Asherah is doing, She’d tell her what she was taught by her father. About adding and removing ingredients to make a dish have good balance. Not being afraid to experiment with food until it’s just right.
“Sweetie, you’re adding a lot to the bowl. We’ll lose business if we give our customers more than they paid for!”
Asherah says “Then how about you and I enjoy the leftovers of this one?”
Shelby swears “The way you talk, You’re nothing like your mother!”
Asherah pours out the food into a pan and throws it in the oven. Shelby and her would clean up and start on the next order. All while telling stories of Wynona and Sterling. Asherah talks about their life after getting together in Snowmeet, and how her name was chosen. Shelby would continue telling funny tales about her and Wynona’s experience back when they both worked in this very kitchen.
Shelby pulls the dish out of the oven and sets it down. Asherah waits a few seconds before taking one of Shelby’s knives and cutting up the pastry, saving some for the two of them. Fresh out of the oven, Asherah and Shelby both take a bite of their serving. Shelby compliments the taste and texture, She thinks it’s different and better than before. Asherah and Shelby take the rest of the food on a plate out to the dining area.
You’d leave the kitchen and head to serve a table
Cedric looks up from his food. “Excuse me, What’s your name?” he asks Asherah, with a bit of concern in his voice.
Shelby answers “This is Asherah… She’s the daughter of one of my dearest friends.”
“Ms. Asherah, may I take a look at your arm?”
Asherah realizes she had her cut exposed. She hides her sleeve. “It’s nothing.”
“I ain’t never seen that. Where did you get a cut like that from?” Shelby says
“Does it matter? I told you it’s nothing.” She pauses “It was nice meeting you Shelby but I think it’s time for me to go somewhere else and find this climbing gear.”
The restaurant door suddenly and loudly swings open. Shelby tells the other two to not mind the person coming in.
Another Chef, introducing himself as Chef Giles, enters and approaches them. “Heh. How’s your little bakery going Shelby?”
“It’s going great Giles. I’ve found a new recipe today.”
“A new recipe you say? Did this lovely lady teach you?”
“Back off.” Asherah scowls
Chef Giles proceeds to insult Shelby and her restaurant. Spouting on about his being better in every way. His words start to get to Cedric, Who stands up and tells him to leave. Shelby assures Cedric “Sweetie, He’s fine…” Chef Giles would walk over to Cedric. Asherah and Shelby stand back and observe as the two banter.
The confrontation ends with Chef Giles punching Cedric and knocking him out. Sending the entire restaurant into a shocked gasp. Chef Giles warns all of them not to bad-mouth his grand restaurant if they know what’s good for them. He would then drag Cedric away, nobody tries to intervene…
Shelby explains to Asherah that Chef Giles has been a bother for as long as she can remember. “Wynona hated his guts.” she says. Asherah asks about Cedric, to which Shelby replies that she doesn’t know what Giles plans to do with him. Asherah feels angry at Chef Giles and tells Shelby that she’ll go “talk” to him. She warns Asherah to be careful.
You’d Head behind Giles’ Restaurant, Asherah would find a cook standing outside, with the door left open. She knows this might be her only way in…
You’d ambush the cook and enter the restaurant.
Luxurious Restaurant: Kitchens, Danger Level 24
Asherah finds Cedric tied up by rope. “Asherah…?” He says trying to move, “Agh– It hurts a lot, …But I’ll live.”
Asherah begins to untie the rope, as footsteps are heard from the other direction. “You!” Chef Giles enters. “Well, if it isn’t this one… “
“Afraid you caught me Giles.” Asherah says, she looks back at Cedric “What did you need him for?”
“Hah, Just Business deals– Here, I’ll give you a reward. I can get you a nice job here, and I’ll even let him go too!”
“Not a chance.” Asherah pulls out her axe.
“Hey…” Cedric calls out
“Don’t think too much of it. I’m here to fight him, not save you.”
“Really now?” Chef Giles says
“You insulted my home and the very art of cooking. I want to teach you a lesson here Giles.”
“Chef on Chef eh? Do your worst, Bakery waste.”
BOSS: Chef Giles
(Boost Dialogue: I’m not wasting any more time Giles!)
Chef Giles is worn out from fighting, Asherah and Cedric are standing back. Suddenly, Giles shouts and charges forward. A prompt appears on screen…
(Ambush this person?)
Asherah smacks Chef Giles with her frying pan, and he’d fall to the floor unconscious. Cedric jumps, Asherah tells him that “He’ll wake up. He’s fine.”
The two of them exit the restaurant. Shelby rushes up to them, and asks Cedric if he’s alright. He confirms that he’s unharmed, She then asks the same question to Asherah. Cedric takes this moment to thank Asherah for rescuing him. Even if she said that didn’t matter to her. Asherah doesn’t respond.
Shelby tells Asherah that she has a warm heart under her cold exterior. “Well I hope it doesn’t burn me alive.” she replies.
Cedric speaks up “You said something about climbing gear earlier… right?”
“That’s right.” Asherah says
“Well, I happen to have a set back home. I’m not going to use it, and I’d be more than happy to give it to you!”
“That would be great.” She pauses “And– Where is your home at?”
“It’s… A little far away, in a town called ‘Eastport’ It's a city off the coast…”
“The coast, as in– the Beachlands?”
“Yes, just over there.”
“Right.” Asherah steps forward “I’ll meet you there I suppose.”
“Ms. Asherah!” Shelby shouts “When you do make it home again, can you pass along a message to your mother?”
Asherah agrees. Shelby would begin to write down a recipe, after giving it to Asherah, She’d say to tell her that all of Limesville missed her after she left. Asherah says she’ll try to remember that once she’s back home at Snowmeet. With that, She says her parting words to Cedric and Shelby and walks away…
After meeting with her mother’s old friend, Asherah was put in the direct middle of a feud between chefs.
Chef Giles was left knocked out on the floor of his restaurant after attempting to kidnap Cedric.
Cedric offered to hand over some of his old climbing gear. Asherah now sets forward to the town of Eastport.
She anticipates a quick stop. However, she may find that it could take a while longer before she’s ready to climb back home…
——————
Asherah the Chef: Chapter 2, End.
submitted by TheAbsoluteBread to octopathtraveler [link] [comments]
Completed Chapter 2s: Thearnt, Taland, Pascal, Harmony, Crowson, Asherah
(Next Chapter 2: Oukirii the Hunter)
Asherah the Chef, Chapter 2: Recommended Level 23
——————
(The Journey So Far…)
Asherah was separated from her home, in an avalanche that sent her falling to the bottom of the largest mountain in the realm…
She made it her mission to return home, and to climb the great mountain just like her mother did.
She felt stuck as to how, until she remembered a story she was told. About what her mother’s life was like before she climbed the mountain.
Asherah set out for Limesville, in an attempt to purchase the gear she needs to survive the climb home…
“So this is Limesville. Not what I imagined it would be, but it looks like a nice town.” Asherah says “I’d better get to the shop as soon as possible. Let’s get this over with.”
You’d head to the Limesville Weapons/Equipment Shop
- Travel Banter: A Heavy Drinker (Asherah and Pascal) Pascal notices Asherah seeming off put by Limesville, and asks her how different Snowmeet is from this town. Asherah says that “It’s hard to describe ‘home’ to an outsider. A lot colder than here though.” She continues to describe what the town is like. Pascal asks “Do you have an alehouse?” Asherah confirms, telling Pascal that they drink all the time. She’s become very good at stomaching a high level of alcohol. But she does have her moments, as she tells Pascal about a time where she and her friend Eden got very drunk.
Asherah is spotted by an older woman outside, she’d ask “Do I know you from somewhere?”
Asherah tells the woman that they don’t know each other, she just arrived in town just now, before trying to walk away…
“Wynona?” The woman calls out
“Hm?” Asherah turns around “Oh, you knew my mother?”
“You’re Wynona’s daughter?”
“Yes. My name is Asherah.”
The Woman eagerly walks over and shakes her hand “Call me Shelby! Your Mother and I used to work together at a restaurant here long ago. —Would you like to come see the old place?”
Asherah steps back. She’s hesitant, but the idea intrigues her enough to forget about the detour from her original goal.
You’d head to Shelby’s Bakery Restaurant
- Travel Banter: Persistence (Asherah and Orlando) Orlando applauds Asherah for still being willing to continue searching after finding that the shop doesn’t carry the climbing gear anymore. Asherah makes a remark that it “Runs in the family.” She teasingly continues “I could say the same for you.” Orlando asks if she’s referring to him persisting beyond death. Asherah replies “What Else?” Orlando changes the subject and asks her where she plans to look next. Asherah says she doesn’t know, but she’ll find some other town to look.
- Travel Banter: One True Cuisine (Asherah and Taland) Taland gets Asherah’s attention and asks her “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Asherah asks if she’d be able to cook the food in any way, Taland confirms. She states that the best answer is potatoes. Taland wonders “Why Potatoes?” Asherah starts listing reasons, Including a variety of meal preparations, going great with any seasoning or dressing, and generally being healthy. Taland internally remarks that she’s still talking and it feels like they’ve been here for an hour.
“You are putting way too much flour into that.” Asherah interrupts
“I’m sorry?” Shelby replies. Asherah asks if she can help out a little. She rolls up her sleeves and starts working. Shelby asks what Asherah is doing, She’d tell her what she was taught by her father. About adding and removing ingredients to make a dish have good balance. Not being afraid to experiment with food until it’s just right.
“Sweetie, you’re adding a lot to the bowl. We’ll lose business if we give our customers more than they paid for!”
Asherah says “Then how about you and I enjoy the leftovers of this one?”
Shelby swears “The way you talk, You’re nothing like your mother!”
Asherah pours out the food into a pan and throws it in the oven. Shelby and her would clean up and start on the next order. All while telling stories of Wynona and Sterling. Asherah talks about their life after getting together in Snowmeet, and how her name was chosen. Shelby would continue telling funny tales about her and Wynona’s experience back when they both worked in this very kitchen.
Shelby pulls the dish out of the oven and sets it down. Asherah waits a few seconds before taking one of Shelby’s knives and cutting up the pastry, saving some for the two of them. Fresh out of the oven, Asherah and Shelby both take a bite of their serving. Shelby compliments the taste and texture, She thinks it’s different and better than before. Asherah and Shelby take the rest of the food on a plate out to the dining area.
You’d leave the kitchen and head to serve a table
- Travel Banter: The Scent of Home (Asherah and Harmony) Harmony would remark about how sweet the place smells. It reminds her a lot of home. Asherah tells her that she understands what she means. Harmony would chatter on about how sweet and familiar “home” smells. Asherah giving witty responses to her observations. Harmony asks if Asherah is feeling alright, to which she responds that she is, she just can’t wait to see home again…
Cedric looks up from his food. “Excuse me, What’s your name?” he asks Asherah, with a bit of concern in his voice.
Shelby answers “This is Asherah… She’s the daughter of one of my dearest friends.”
“Ms. Asherah, may I take a look at your arm?”
Asherah realizes she had her cut exposed. She hides her sleeve. “It’s nothing.”
“I ain’t never seen that. Where did you get a cut like that from?” Shelby says
“Does it matter? I told you it’s nothing.” She pauses “It was nice meeting you Shelby but I think it’s time for me to go somewhere else and find this climbing gear.”
The restaurant door suddenly and loudly swings open. Shelby tells the other two to not mind the person coming in.
Another Chef, introducing himself as Chef Giles, enters and approaches them. “Heh. How’s your little bakery going Shelby?”
“It’s going great Giles. I’ve found a new recipe today.”
“A new recipe you say? Did this lovely lady teach you?”
“Back off.” Asherah scowls
Chef Giles proceeds to insult Shelby and her restaurant. Spouting on about his being better in every way. His words start to get to Cedric, Who stands up and tells him to leave. Shelby assures Cedric “Sweetie, He’s fine…” Chef Giles would walk over to Cedric. Asherah and Shelby stand back and observe as the two banter.
The confrontation ends with Chef Giles punching Cedric and knocking him out. Sending the entire restaurant into a shocked gasp. Chef Giles warns all of them not to bad-mouth his grand restaurant if they know what’s good for them. He would then drag Cedric away, nobody tries to intervene…
Shelby explains to Asherah that Chef Giles has been a bother for as long as she can remember. “Wynona hated his guts.” she says. Asherah asks about Cedric, to which Shelby replies that she doesn’t know what Giles plans to do with him. Asherah feels angry at Chef Giles and tells Shelby that she’ll go “talk” to him. She warns Asherah to be careful.
You’d Head behind Giles’ Restaurant, Asherah would find a cook standing outside, with the door left open. She knows this might be her only way in…
You’d ambush the cook and enter the restaurant.
- Travel Banter: Ambushing (Asherah and Crowson) Asherah asks Crowson “How did I do?” He's unsure of what she’s asking. Asherah clarifies she meant knocking out the guard, saying that it’s something Crowson sure would know a lot about. “That’s highly insensitive.” Crowson replies. Asherah apologizes and says she’ll stop talking about it if that’s what he wants. He doesn’t know how to answer.
- Travel Banter: That’s the Spirit! (Asherah and Thearnt) Asherah asks Thearnt what the problem is after noticing that she looked down. Thearnt tells her “Oh! Um– I’m– worried…” Asherah asks what she’s worried about, Thearnt tells her that she’s afraid of what Chef Giles will do, and that sneaking into his kitchens has her even more paranoid. Asherah tells Thearnt to relax and that someone like Giles is probably all bark and no bite. She promises to teach him a lesson, and gives Thearnt a little more confidence as they head in.
Luxurious Restaurant: Kitchens, Danger Level 24
Asherah finds Cedric tied up by rope. “Asherah…?” He says trying to move, “Agh– It hurts a lot, …But I’ll live.”
Asherah begins to untie the rope, as footsteps are heard from the other direction. “You!” Chef Giles enters. “Well, if it isn’t this one… “
“Afraid you caught me Giles.” Asherah says, she looks back at Cedric “What did you need him for?”
“Hah, Just Business deals– Here, I’ll give you a reward. I can get you a nice job here, and I’ll even let him go too!”
“Not a chance.” Asherah pulls out her axe.
“Hey…” Cedric calls out
“Don’t think too much of it. I’m here to fight him, not save you.”
“Really now?” Chef Giles says
“You insulted my home and the very art of cooking. I want to teach you a lesson here Giles.”
“Chef on Chef eh? Do your worst, Bakery waste.”
BOSS: Chef Giles
(Boost Dialogue: I’m not wasting any more time Giles!)
Chef Giles is worn out from fighting, Asherah and Cedric are standing back. Suddenly, Giles shouts and charges forward. A prompt appears on screen…
(Ambush this person?)
Asherah smacks Chef Giles with her frying pan, and he’d fall to the floor unconscious. Cedric jumps, Asherah tells him that “He’ll wake up. He’s fine.”
The two of them exit the restaurant. Shelby rushes up to them, and asks Cedric if he’s alright. He confirms that he’s unharmed, She then asks the same question to Asherah. Cedric takes this moment to thank Asherah for rescuing him. Even if she said that didn’t matter to her. Asherah doesn’t respond.
Shelby tells Asherah that she has a warm heart under her cold exterior. “Well I hope it doesn’t burn me alive.” she replies.
Cedric speaks up “You said something about climbing gear earlier… right?”
“That’s right.” Asherah says
“Well, I happen to have a set back home. I’m not going to use it, and I’d be more than happy to give it to you!”
“That would be great.” She pauses “And– Where is your home at?”
“It’s… A little far away, in a town called ‘Eastport’ It's a city off the coast…”
“The coast, as in– the Beachlands?”
“Yes, just over there.”
“Right.” Asherah steps forward “I’ll meet you there I suppose.”
“Ms. Asherah!” Shelby shouts “When you do make it home again, can you pass along a message to your mother?”
Asherah agrees. Shelby would begin to write down a recipe, after giving it to Asherah, She’d say to tell her that all of Limesville missed her after she left. Asherah says she’ll try to remember that once she’s back home at Snowmeet. With that, She says her parting words to Cedric and Shelby and walks away…
- Travel Banter: Can I get a bite? (Asherah and Oukirii) Oukirii asks what Asherah is holding, Asherah tells her that she picked up some fruits from the village just before they left. Specifically highlighting some apples. Oukirii asks if she can have a bite of one, Asherah agrees and Oukirii eats a peice of it. “!” Asherah is shocked “What?” Oukirii says. “I said a bite you little snack thief!” Asherah says. Oukirii protests, Asherah responds “Your two bites was nearly a third of the apple!” Oukirii replies “Sorry Asherah, I can go find an apple tree if you want a new one?” Asherah laughs and tells Oukirii that she’s not that mad. “I’m not going to spend the rest of this journey fighting with a child.”
After meeting with her mother’s old friend, Asherah was put in the direct middle of a feud between chefs.
Chef Giles was left knocked out on the floor of his restaurant after attempting to kidnap Cedric.
Cedric offered to hand over some of his old climbing gear. Asherah now sets forward to the town of Eastport.
She anticipates a quick stop. However, she may find that it could take a while longer before she’s ready to climb back home…
——————
Asherah the Chef: Chapter 2, End.
2024.05.19 18:30 modestmedusa I finally escaped and moved out one month ago. Here is the letter I wrote to my nmom on Mother’s Day that I’ll never send
TW for sexual, physical, medical, emotional, and religious abuse, childhood sa, suicidal ideation, and self harm
This past week has been incredibly difficult due to that holiday so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my nmom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic. Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out after all of this. I hope everyone was kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their nmoms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid???? Yeah, something DID happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. It CLEARLY indicated something was going on. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” Erm? I’m thirteen? What do you expect me to do? “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding shower. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior- - When I was 17 and you were berating me at your work for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me. - When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard! - Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. - Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha” - When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic. - Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.
I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.
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This past week has been incredibly difficult due to that holiday so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my nmom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic. Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out after all of this. I hope everyone was kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their nmoms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid???? Yeah, something DID happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. It CLEARLY indicated something was going on. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” Erm? I’m thirteen? What do you expect me to do? “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding shower. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior- - When I was 17 and you were berating me at your work for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me. - When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard! - Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. - Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha” - When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic. - Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.
I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.
2024.05.19 18:28 n-plasx What does DKIM signature body hash did not verify mean?
I sent an email out for the first time using my domain and it went straight to the spam folder. This is sending from a CNAME of my domain by Shopify after someone places an order, it’s a transactional email.
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM. And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Screenshots of everything mentioned in this post: https://imgur.com/a/sNev8qx
submitted by n-plasx to sysadmin [link] [comments]
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM. And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Screenshots of everything mentioned in this post: https://imgur.com/a/sNev8qx
2024.05.19 18:22 n-plasx What does DKIM signature body hash did not verify mean?
I sent an email out for the first time using my domain and it went straight to the spam folder. This is sending from a CNAME of my domain by Shopify after someone places an order, it’s a transactional email.
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/k88jyzngqe1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61fabcbb73f7d2fa435d53db21a7d6aa2e805fa
https://preview.redd.it/nk5mcocjqe1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=687e31b2179dbef564e20fb0c330b539d73f51a6
https://preview.redd.it/cf4hangkqe1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=340a332ccc41a9e244542d1bff51edfbdcfcc64d
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/rty1rviyqe1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ffc70754ba86cc5db6be7e7ea1d770757fa5d8e
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/fxislbd1re1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=095736d5f422040da3bee7da533c576b1bed37a1
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
submitted by n-plasx to emailmarketingnow [link] [comments]
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/k88jyzngqe1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61fabcbb73f7d2fa435d53db21a7d6aa2e805fa
https://preview.redd.it/nk5mcocjqe1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=687e31b2179dbef564e20fb0c330b539d73f51a6
https://preview.redd.it/cf4hangkqe1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=340a332ccc41a9e244542d1bff51edfbdcfcc64d
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/rty1rviyqe1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ffc70754ba86cc5db6be7e7ea1d770757fa5d8e
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/fxislbd1re1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=095736d5f422040da3bee7da533c576b1bed37a1
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
2024.05.19 18:21 zzzzzzzzzzzzplz How do I find out if my mom hurt my sister?
I (f 30) am the youngest of two. My older sister (f 36) lives in the same state but a few hours away. She never came home after college because she was in a relationship. When we were younger she was a total mother's girlie girl and I was a daddy's girl. With that dynamic you can conclude that me and mom (f 55) weren't very close back then. When my sister went to college and it was just me and mom, we clashed all the time. I couldn't wait to go to college and be free. Unlike my sister, when i graduated from college I went back home and lived with my mom. While in school she found out she had cancer and I realized how important she was to me, during the summer I would take care of her. I became super protective because my dad (m 60) had died the second part of my freshman year. I guess realizing you only get one dad and mom did something to me and our relationship changed. Strangely, while in college I transformed into a girlie girl with all female roommates that treated me like a toy by dressing me up and taking me to parties. So, when I came home I started working right away. Had some messy relationships and crappy jobs, but my mom always supported me. From what I seen my mom and sister were still close, even with the distance. When Shawn would come home her and mom hung out, sometimes she would stay with us, sometimes not but they talked often. Note, I don't know if it was the age difference or what but me and my sister never got along. Somewhere in my 20's I realized that we were never going to be "those sisters" and called it for what it was. We are blood, but not friends, and I know if we weren't related we would never befriends on purpose. Don't get me wrong, I love her and if Shawn was hurt or in trouble I would help her but for now, for my mom's sake I talk to her on major holiday's and important family matters, but not to just catch up or anything. I honestly don't care. Sadly, if other family member didn't ask "how is your sister", I could probably go years without thinking about her. Anyways, it started off slow, like Shawn would come to town not stay with us, then she would come to town and not reach out until she was leaving, and then we wouldn't know she was in town at all unless she called my grandmother or posted something on social media in a familiar place. It was weird because they would always link up. Shawn loves mom's cooking and would come home just for that. Mom would go visit her and go to work events with Shawn, at the last one mom said they got into an argument because she was tired from driving 5 hours, going to the event without a nap and being on her feet all night. After the event mom just wanted to go back to Shawn's apartment and rest, but there was an after party she wanted to go to. Not wanted to go to the after party mom just wanted her to walk her back to the apartment and then Shawn could go. Shawn wanted mom to go with her and said they wouldn't be there long, but mom was tired. She was trying to convince her that she would only stay for 30 minutes, but we both know when Shawn is in a room she will talk to everyone and 30 minutes could turn into 3 hours real quick. When mom put her foot down and asked her to take her home Shawn got upset and started yelling "this is mom's side of the story", you never want to do anything, ugh, why can't you just have fun, ugh..... She said Shawn was just yelling her on the corner of the street while people were walking. Shawn stays in town where a lot of people walk and everything is close by. Then she agreed to walk mom back but walked super fast and mom couldn't keep up. She is shorter than me and my sister. When they got back, she let mom in, changed her shoes and went back out. When mom came home and told me what happened I was so confused. It isn't like them to argue. I guess you can say this was the beginning of the end. Shawn stopped calling her as often, went out of the country and said nothing about it until the day of. There were just a lot of things she was doing without communicating with mom, it came to a head when our phone plan bill went up 100's of dollars. See, the bill is in Shawn's name but mom pays the bill, well she use to until Shawn got an iPhone and added the cost of the phone to the bill. Mom and I have Samsung's. She did this without telling mom and because the bill was automated it took mom while to notice. When she did, she told Shawn to start paying the bill for the portion of the phone itself. She agreed but wouldn't pay it on times, there were times that my phone was off but didn't notice because I was always near wifi. Somewhere in the middle of this she got another iPhone and the bill went again. Shawn didn't know that just because she got another phone didn't mean she wouldn't have to pay off the other one. They went back and forth on the phone one day arguing, Shawn claiming she paid and mom asking her to go through the payment history and tell her where...... the arguing ended when she started yelling at mom, saying "you're triggering me, you're triggering me" my mom just stared into the phone in disbelief... We're black and raised in a very much black household so for those who know, know those are words that we just don't say..... Well that was last week and this past weekend was mothers day and Shawn didn't call mom.... We have a family group chat of about 23 people and she said it there but not directly to mom or sent a card or anything.... I asked her the Thursday before if she would be sending mom something on mother's because we usually work together to get her something or she send me money and I get her something and Shawn will send a card. But nothing. She didn't even call our grandmother.... I went to my boyfriends house after then mother's day dinner at my grandmother's house, where I stay most weekends and while there she called me. Mom calls when she says things are too much to text. bet she went home and found a package with a 15 pound weight in it and a note saying "I hope your mother's day brought you some joy",.... Um what??? I want someone to tell me why she picked this as a mother's day gift.... and just one ... one 15 pound weight, not a set. Mom works out but already has a set for 5,10,15, and 20 pounds weight that I know Shawn knows she has. Mom was really sad and she isn't the super emotional one of us 3, the emotional one is me. If there is one thing I hate is my mom feeling bad, but then for it to be caused by her own child was different. Shawn NEVER answers the phone like NEVER, I had to tell her our dad passed away via text after calling almost 100 times. Mom sounded like she wanted to cry and just kept asking me " Brit, what did I do wrong, I don't know what I did wrong". Dang, that broke me. Now I'm the bigger of the two of us, and my sister knows me well enough that she don't want these problems so instead for even calling I sent a long text, basically saying I was disappointed to call her my sister and she should be ashamed of how she is treating our mother because when she got fired and unemployment wasn't paying enough to cover her bill's mom paid. Shawn never paid her back. Over all she is one of the most selfish people I know. I just asked her how hard is it to say happy mother's day or send a card. I didn't expect a response, but she did, in only 15 minutes. She said " I appreciate your concern and believe me, this runs much deeper than a phone bill. I don't have the same relationship with mom as you. You only know what you experienced and what happened to you. So, I'm not going to try and explain the various dynamics between mom and I that led to where we are now. It maybe hard for you to understand today. Pls don't blame it all on me. I love you. " I don't even know what that means. I responded something like other than physical, emotional, or mental harm i don't know what could have happened so bad that she couldn't call and say happy mothers day though. I can't imagine my mom doing any of those things. but again she gave some therapy like response and asked me to give her time to heal.... Mom has no clue what various dynamics she is talking about. I'm asking for advice because I feel like she is going down the same path she did with our dad. After our parents marriage ended and we were living with dad, mom still came over 3 times a week and cooked, had us on weekends. It was like she never left the only difference was she didn't sleep at home. When the arrangement changed, dad came 2 weekends in a row. then every other weekend, then once a month, then we were lucky if we saw him at all. It broke my heart in high school when a boy in my class told me to tell my dad that he would be late for practice. I was confused and bugged him all day to explain what he meant. I found out that my dad was coaching baseball across the street from our subdivision about 3 times a week with games on the weekend. So, he could see random boys at my school almost everyday for at least 3 hours and couldn't come over before or after to see his own kids? I actual walked over to the park one day because I refused to believe it, but there he was. We never talked about it. I just started walking there and sitting in the dugout to be near him and he would drive me the 2 minutes back home. All of the players lived in our neighborhood and dad had a flat bed so he would drop them off too. When Shawn graduated high school she never talked to our dad again after that day. She never told me why. He also developed cancer while I was in college and was very sick, when he got better he tried to get back in our lives and I let him in mine, called him on holidays but he did some messed up stuff to me my first year of college so I pushed back a little between that dad would call me and tell me to call my sister on 3 way, if she answered she was forced to talk to him. She wouldn't say much and would always say she was busy or had to do something to do and promise she would call him back and never would. So, now .... as part of my trying to figure out what my mom did, I reminded her how she cried when she found out our dad passed and she just kept saying she thought she had more time and who would walk her down the ail when she gets married and never got a chance to fix things. I would hate for that to happen with our mom too. I know because of our relationship once mom passes away we will most likely not talk or see each other ever again. So, I asking what did my mom do to her? What can I do to help fix this or should I even try? Anyone have any suggestions or ideas, also sorry for the typos or misspelled words or if its hard to follow, but I ask for anyone's input if they have experience this type of situation? Side note, idk if this helps but when Shawn came to town the last few times she stayed with our Aunt Carla. She has baby of the family syndrome, where she thinks she had hard but was actually spoiled rotten and believes all her sisters and brother and their wives are jealous of her. It's total BS but once when mom and I weren't getting along and I stayed with her, she told me some crazy stories about mom sleeping around, getting drunk, trying to fight her and someone else and some other stuff. This was when I was in college and I believed what she said mom and I continued to be on the outs for awhile before I found out about her cancer and became her protector and caregiver for a while. I don't believe those stories so much now be her and mom had issues before, Carla has actually had issues with all her siblings at one point and finds the need to the the main character of her own story and everyone else's. Simply she's a "One Upper". Aunt Carla getting in Shawn's ear is one idea I believe, also Shawn's friend have ummmmm "other people problems" like mellow dramatic soap opera drama and she maybe internalizing their issues. But yeah help, where do I go from here?
submitted by zzzzzzzzzzzzplz to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 18:21 n-plasx What does DKIM signature body hash did not verify mean?
I sent an email out for the first time using my domain and it went straight to the spam folder. This is sending from a CNAME of my domain by Shopify after someone places an order, it’s a transactional email.
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/4z1fmm42se1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=29316e7b5364f7aa026986a7c95dd6942b2e69d4
https://preview.redd.it/bna29f23se1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec4b73df1225b66c07bda3a929f33fa2cf632d5e
https://preview.redd.it/gun5rxu3se1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=96c9586cbca5e185f8f8e17c50f269111e899612
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/yyifuk75se1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e7bdfcc77a878cadf5607d354a5b717e8c7f9d3
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/qx4yskv5se1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=f2e1caa2f3227e7ccf71bf2a24220f0a97990ae8
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
submitted by n-plasx to Emailmarketing [link] [comments]
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/4z1fmm42se1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=29316e7b5364f7aa026986a7c95dd6942b2e69d4
https://preview.redd.it/bna29f23se1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec4b73df1225b66c07bda3a929f33fa2cf632d5e
https://preview.redd.it/gun5rxu3se1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=96c9586cbca5e185f8f8e17c50f269111e899612
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/yyifuk75se1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e7bdfcc77a878cadf5607d354a5b717e8c7f9d3
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/qx4yskv5se1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=f2e1caa2f3227e7ccf71bf2a24220f0a97990ae8
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
2024.05.19 18:19 n-plasx What does DKIM signature body hash did not verify mean?
 | I sent an email out for the first time using my domain and it went straight to the spam folder. This is sending from a CNAME of my domain by Shopify after someone places an order, it’s a transactional email. submitted by n-plasx to email [link] [comments] When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify. https://preview.redd.it/4z1fmm42se1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=29316e7b5364f7aa026986a7c95dd6942b2e69d4 https://preview.redd.it/bna29f23se1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=ec4b73df1225b66c07bda3a929f33fa2cf632d5e https://preview.redd.it/gun5rxu3se1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=96c9586cbca5e185f8f8e17c50f269111e899612 I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM. https://preview.redd.it/yyifuk75se1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e7bdfcc77a878cadf5607d354a5b717e8c7f9d3 And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly. https://preview.redd.it/qx4yskv5se1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=f2e1caa2f3227e7ccf71bf2a24220f0a97990ae8 I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please? Thanks in advance |
2024.05.19 18:16 zeeloo99 Yakuza 5: A Mega Big Ole Review/Summary for a Big Ole Game! Part 2.
If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
This is a Part 2 to my Mega big Yakuza 5 review. In the first part I covered the plot and it was absurdly long because I am psychotic. If you want to read that you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvry2x/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
Combat and Gameplay: I generally felt Y5 was a bit of a step down in gameplay compared to Y4 sometimes. I think Saejima was way more bearable to use in Y5 but I generally found the combat to just be less? fun? it felt a little bland. Kiryu felt much slower for some reason. Akiyama still felt great to use and at times a little better. Shinada's combat style was not my cup of tea. I can respect a characters combat relying on weapons but his felt repetitve and honestly the weapon to bare handed combat for him didn't feel good either way. Haruka's was great though obviously. I never felt such joy or excitement then when I first started the dancing gameplay in Y5.
The upgrade system was lame I did not enjoy it, I ended up just keeping on auto upgrade so I didnt have to bother. It felt like a downgrade back to Y3.
This game was mostly really easy, granted I do play on easy because I happen to be a shame to the video game community, but I very nearly turned it to normal many times. Haruka's dance stuff was so fun I actually did try it on every difficulty mode, hard mode was so fun!
As sure as random combat encounters are in the streets of Yakuza, my complaining about these encounters after every review is just as, if not more expected. Yeah obviously the mugging in this game was excessive for me. I went everywhere by taxi just to avoid getting attacked a billion times on one street. And it is kind of at it's worst in this game not just because of how often you're getting attacked but also because of the battle fields. At first I was pretty excited because the space you can fight was so large I incorrectly assumed you could just leave the fight, wrong. While a bigger battle space sounds better on paper, it's actually a horrible idea. I cant tell you how many times I would have finished fighting three of the goons but the fight wouldnt finish because there was two more hiding AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK. It was so irritating. They did take a step in the right direction by letting Kiryu have a ward off bracelet that kept the attacks mostly at bay, it was so nice I wish other games did that in case you want to just walk around for a change or better yet the rest of this one! Because as far as I could tell none of the others had similar items, and the mugging was at it's worse with Saejima in his city enviroment. It HAD to be bugged with the amount of times i'd get attacked in that area, I probably fought more people there in the brief stint I was there compared to all of Shinada's area. So basically yeah I hate the random fight encounters and it is always one of my main complaints with these games.
I liked the tower sweeps in this game, but the one you do as Kiryu near the end of his section had a horrible situation that I have to complain about, mostly because i'm an idiot. There's an area midway through the sweep where the doorway is lit on fire. Me being the genius I am, I grab the fire extinguisher, point it at the fire, and simply throw the whole thing into the flames. Cue the next 20 mintues being me panic running and collapsing into the fire trying to get the extinguisher :(.
Side Stories
Yeah so this game on top of its massive plot and its many new areas, also added on entire side stories for each character! I'll go through and talk about my experience with each one.
Kiryu: The Taxi Driver
Oh My God. This did NOT have to be as fun as it was. I was amazed that Kiryu even knew how to drive let alone was this good of a driver. So there are three types of missions you can get with this, Racing, Taxi driving where you drive, and taxi driving where you talk. I did literally every possible thing you could in this side story. The racing is a ton of fun, there is a bit of a plot to it that basically consists of batting a rival gang of street racers and leads into your taxi boss's trauma and whatever, I didn't really care for the plot but all the gameplay was stellar. I found the missions with just the conversations to be a bit boring, but my favorite was actually doing my job and driving people to their destinations. What a blast.
Saejima: The Hunter
Okay now I can talk about the bear plot. Saejima's side story is massive and I did love it. I wont go through and summarize the whole thing but Saejima basically stays in the village with the old man who saved him from that big bear he beat up and dedicates himself to finding the bear and hunting it to help the old man and the village. There's lots of ups and downs and twists and turns and I really enjoyed it! I liked the twist that the old man was an escaped convict/former hitman as well.
As for how the gameplay of this sidestory works, basically you go to the mountain and do hunting. You lay traps, shoot animals, etc. As you work through the plot you have more acess to higher parts of the mountain. I can definitely see this gameplay not being it for some people, but I actually really enjoyed it! I do have some complaints tho, I really wish you didn't have to start all the way at the bottom of the mountain everytime, or ESPECIALLY have to walk all the way back down when you're ready to leave. I had hoped those shacks you built would serve as fast travel spots but nope. Also the gameplay is a bit clunky here, I love clunkiness so it isn't a big deal but the male deer charging at me no matter what everytime got hella irritating. Also I was stupid during one of the evil bear encounters and when I was supposed to run I stayed and thought I was supposed to fight him and I sat there fighting for my life for literally thirty minutes before I was like "hmmm whats taking so long?" Anyways I did like it and did literally every mission I could except one lousy mushroom quest because I rage quit it.
Haruka: She's an idol or whatever
Yeah this is the best one. There's not much of a seperate plot here as it basically directly ties into her main plot but it mostly consists of her doing idol activities in preperation for each level of the Princess League competition and eventually her debut.
There are lots of different types of games here. There are actual performances which duh they're amazing. There's dance battles or solo battles where you basically do a dance battle...alone? those are also always fun. There are handshake events which took awhile for me to get the hang of, I think they needed way better directions to be honest but once I figured it out it was alot of fun. There are interviews, these are fine except I hate that they make me answer under a time limit STRESS. There's TV appearances, these range from going on a comedian interview show where you have to answer questions then do quick time events, to running ?, to doing various yakuza mini games like pool or air hockey and more. The running show was so weird, the producer was always like creepy as hell and I really dont get what the point of that show was. The minigame shows varied on fun depending on if I liked the minigame.
Now dear reader, I know what you've been wondering this whole time, youve been BEGGING to hear. What is Alex's Haruka song ranking? Im so glad you asked.
So not including the dance battle songs cuz duh she doenst even sing them but I do like "Like a Arabesque" the most out of those.
I also like that the songs some what reflect Haruka's state of mind at the time of her performing them. At the time of So Much More she is just really excited for her career and incredibly optimistic. Then during Lonliness Loop she's generally dealing with the heaviness of her career and isolation of it and if I remember correctly, Park had just died when she went on to perform it. Then Because I Have You is building up to the eventual decision Haruka will end up making at the end, she's realizing how much she misses her family but her dream is still ahead of her, just super duper close. Lastly Dream, the tear jerker, and tragically not on the OST, is about Haruka's dream finally cultivating. She is in this moment achieving her dream, but she's thinking of her family and is grateful to them for supporting her this way. THIS SONG IS FOR KIRYU. Like bro, amazing.
Shinada: Baseball
Anyways lets talk about baseball. I didn't love it. At first I kind of did because I was like omg thank god baseball is way easier in this game if I'm going to be expected to do it way more often. But omg bro its TOO easy. It's just boring man. There's no room for anything interesting or diverging about it. Kiryu's could be pretty repetitive as it's just driving but they offer three different types of driving games within it, Shinada's is just a bunch of the same hitting the baseball game. Granted I liked the little story with him helping the little boy be a good pitcher. I found the main story within it really boring? I struggled to pay attention but the ending to it was cute. Yeah I guess I just dont have as much to say with this side story. I did most of it too, I think I missed one baseball mission? I did enjoy the coach missions that he sends you on for training. Well most of them...THAT UFO ONE WAS EVIL. I've never seen a machine make you get a stick in a tiny hole (thats what she sai-) before as the goal to get your prize like WHAT?
Side stories final thoughts: And thats the side stories! They were alot of fun (mostly) I wish Akiyama got a side story :(. I can't think of what they'd give him to do but I would take literally anything. Any potential side story ideas for him?
Substories
My god I did like 95% of the substories. I did SO many.
Kiryu had a really good lineup of substories. My favorite was EASILY "From a far-off land" I cried so hard doing it bro. Basically Kiryu thinks of his kids during Christmas time and he sends money to each of them so they can get what they want for Christmas. Thing is he thought alot about each of them, it wasnt him just throwing twenty bucks per kid at them through the ATM, no, he sat there and was like "Well Shiro would really like this book, I think it costs about this much so I'll send around this much to cover it" But he does it with ALL OF THEM and its so stinkin cute I disintigrated. My second favorite goes to "The other Haruka" as you can imagine anything reminding me of the kids will be my favorite. This one is good for obvious reasons. As for a weaker substory, I really didnt care for "A knock on the door" Honorable mention to the series of substories with Yuya in them! This game was tragically the only one that didn't have Kazuki in it at all.
Saejima's were the weakest and here's why. Because you only get one chapter in his city area, all of them are incredibly fast. One of them is literally just briefly talking to a guy like ???. He does also have several substories on the mountain but they're more related to his side story so I dont really count them. Anyways, my favorite of his was easily "The Little Match Girl" I CRIED, listen im a sucker for the little match girl story and this was just really adorable. I also loved the substory where he dressed as Santa and had to escape a bunch of kids. His worst is probably that one where he just talks to that guy.
Haruka wise, I liked any of her substories where she hung out with Akari, but my favorite overall was probably the one where she does the Okinawa magazine interview it was so cute and it made me wanna cri. Least favorite wise, I hated "starbound" it just felt meanspirited. Haha she's fat, grow up.
Akiyama had alot of fun ones. The best probably being either of the two where he DOES A DANCE BATTLE. It was fucking amazing. I also really enjoyed the "Quirky Idol" substory. I did not like "giving up on a dream" Akiyama was once again being mega weird and creepy, I hated that.
Shinada is much better in his substories then he is normally. My favorite's were "Daddy Papa" and "The Scoop Photo", that guy had crazy hair. I did not like the store clerk one because I am incapable of math.
And thats the substories! There's also the Tatsuya quests. Although I like Tatsuya and I made sure to do all of them, I don't think this was well executed. They dont feel very rewarding and taking Tatsuya to the resturaunts is really awkward, I wish they added like mini cutscenes of dialogue where each person got to know Tatsuya with every resturaunt encounter or something. But it wasn't that bad I hope I see him again.
As for the revelations, I am a huge fan of revelations in the Yakuza games. They cut back on them alot in this one sadly but at least we still got some. Also I know there were weapon revelations but I somehow found none of them so Im going to just talk about the normal ones. Well, more like rank them.
Saejima: This was funny in a looney tunes way, I loved it.
Haruka: Okay I hated the substory starbound but this was so stupid I couldn't help but lose it while watching.
Shinada: This was just really cool.
Akiyama: I can respect that performance
Kiryu: Althought I like the guy and respect the situation, the revelation in itself wasn't super memorable.
There you have it!
Lastly, the settings.
Yakuza 5 is wild because every character (except Akiyama) got their own unique area in the game, plus there is also Kamurocho. Saejima actually got TWO if not three if you count the prison. I found Kiryu's to be really lovely, it's probably my favorite honestly, at least out of the new ones. I felt like I really got a good feel of the place and it had such a relaxing atmosphere. Because of the slow nature of this part of the game, it really had time to develop a unique identity especially because Kiryu was so familiar with the locals. The mountain was a better setting for Saejima, I wish they just expanded the mountain rather then have him go to the city. Saejima's city, While I thought this area was my favorite beauty wise. we aren't there long enough and it feels to restrictive on where we can go. Satenbori felt like coming home and it was SO lovely and nice just like I remembered, no notes. Shinada's lacked alot of character. I actually thought it was Kamurocho for way too long because it looks so similar to it. Granted I get Japan can't look too different from well, Japan, it just struggled to stick out in my mind. It's unique feature was the large park area and that was pretty cool but I like never went over there. Lastly, Karmurocho is as lovely as ever, im amazed they still let me go underground even though we barely spend any time in the city, like there was no need for them to let me but they did and I appreciate it. Goodbye intricate rooftop access though, you will be missed. The Kamurocho hills additon made the whole place feel quite unfamiliar honestly. It was a strange feeling walking around it but I still thought it was pretty cool!
Did anyone have a favorite city we visited?
And that concludes my Yakuza 5 ramblings about everything other then the plot. If you read this AND part 1, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Im excited to discuss this game with people because I loved it alot! Feel free to comment on either post if you want to, otherwise I'll finally shut up.
8/10
submitted by zeeloo99 to yakuzagames [link] [comments]
This is a Part 2 to my Mega big Yakuza 5 review. In the first part I covered the plot and it was absurdly long because I am psychotic. If you want to read that you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvry2x/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
The upgrade system was lame I did not enjoy it, I ended up just keeping on auto upgrade so I didnt have to bother. It felt like a downgrade back to Y3.
This game was mostly really easy, granted I do play on easy because I happen to be a shame to the video game community, but I very nearly turned it to normal many times. Haruka's dance stuff was so fun I actually did try it on every difficulty mode, hard mode was so fun!
As sure as random combat encounters are in the streets of Yakuza, my complaining about these encounters after every review is just as, if not more expected. Yeah obviously the mugging in this game was excessive for me. I went everywhere by taxi just to avoid getting attacked a billion times on one street. And it is kind of at it's worst in this game not just because of how often you're getting attacked but also because of the battle fields. At first I was pretty excited because the space you can fight was so large I incorrectly assumed you could just leave the fight, wrong. While a bigger battle space sounds better on paper, it's actually a horrible idea. I cant tell you how many times I would have finished fighting three of the goons but the fight wouldnt finish because there was two more hiding AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK. It was so irritating. They did take a step in the right direction by letting Kiryu have a ward off bracelet that kept the attacks mostly at bay, it was so nice I wish other games did that in case you want to just walk around for a change or better yet the rest of this one! Because as far as I could tell none of the others had similar items, and the mugging was at it's worse with Saejima in his city enviroment. It HAD to be bugged with the amount of times i'd get attacked in that area, I probably fought more people there in the brief stint I was there compared to all of Shinada's area. So basically yeah I hate the random fight encounters and it is always one of my main complaints with these games.
I liked the tower sweeps in this game, but the one you do as Kiryu near the end of his section had a horrible situation that I have to complain about, mostly because i'm an idiot. There's an area midway through the sweep where the doorway is lit on fire. Me being the genius I am, I grab the fire extinguisher, point it at the fire, and simply throw the whole thing into the flames. Cue the next 20 mintues being me panic running and collapsing into the fire trying to get the extinguisher :(.
Yeah so this game on top of its massive plot and its many new areas, also added on entire side stories for each character! I'll go through and talk about my experience with each one.
Kiryu: The Taxi Driver
Oh My God. This did NOT have to be as fun as it was. I was amazed that Kiryu even knew how to drive let alone was this good of a driver. So there are three types of missions you can get with this, Racing, Taxi driving where you drive, and taxi driving where you talk. I did literally every possible thing you could in this side story. The racing is a ton of fun, there is a bit of a plot to it that basically consists of batting a rival gang of street racers and leads into your taxi boss's trauma and whatever, I didn't really care for the plot but all the gameplay was stellar. I found the missions with just the conversations to be a bit boring, but my favorite was actually doing my job and driving people to their destinations. What a blast.
Saejima: The Hunter
Okay now I can talk about the bear plot. Saejima's side story is massive and I did love it. I wont go through and summarize the whole thing but Saejima basically stays in the village with the old man who saved him from that big bear he beat up and dedicates himself to finding the bear and hunting it to help the old man and the village. There's lots of ups and downs and twists and turns and I really enjoyed it! I liked the twist that the old man was an escaped convict/former hitman as well.
As for how the gameplay of this sidestory works, basically you go to the mountain and do hunting. You lay traps, shoot animals, etc. As you work through the plot you have more acess to higher parts of the mountain. I can definitely see this gameplay not being it for some people, but I actually really enjoyed it! I do have some complaints tho, I really wish you didn't have to start all the way at the bottom of the mountain everytime, or ESPECIALLY have to walk all the way back down when you're ready to leave. I had hoped those shacks you built would serve as fast travel spots but nope. Also the gameplay is a bit clunky here, I love clunkiness so it isn't a big deal but the male deer charging at me no matter what everytime got hella irritating. Also I was stupid during one of the evil bear encounters and when I was supposed to run I stayed and thought I was supposed to fight him and I sat there fighting for my life for literally thirty minutes before I was like "hmmm whats taking so long?" Anyways I did like it and did literally every mission I could except one lousy mushroom quest because I rage quit it.
Haruka: She's an idol or whatever
Yeah this is the best one. There's not much of a seperate plot here as it basically directly ties into her main plot but it mostly consists of her doing idol activities in preperation for each level of the Princess League competition and eventually her debut.
There are lots of different types of games here. There are actual performances which duh they're amazing. There's dance battles or solo battles where you basically do a dance battle...alone? those are also always fun. There are handshake events which took awhile for me to get the hang of, I think they needed way better directions to be honest but once I figured it out it was alot of fun. There are interviews, these are fine except I hate that they make me answer under a time limit STRESS. There's TV appearances, these range from going on a comedian interview show where you have to answer questions then do quick time events, to running ?, to doing various yakuza mini games like pool or air hockey and more. The running show was so weird, the producer was always like creepy as hell and I really dont get what the point of that show was. The minigame shows varied on fun depending on if I liked the minigame.
Now dear reader, I know what you've been wondering this whole time, youve been BEGGING to hear. What is Alex's Haruka song ranking? Im so glad you asked.
So not including the dance battle songs cuz duh she doenst even sing them but I do like "Like a Arabesque" the most out of those.
- So Much More: Like obviously right? This is the greatest song of all time! I should be studied next to Bohemian Rhapsody, Nessun Dorma, and Moonlight Sonata.
- Dream: Technically a dreamline song but who cares. This shit made me CRY. The lyrics are ssoooooooooooo goddamn.
- Because I Have You: This might be a hot take because I do think's it's less well made then Lonliness Loop, but I still would just rather listen to this. It's a jam, SUE ME.
- Lonliness Loop: Honestly not a bad song either, I just find it to be thematically the weakest as well as feeling a little awkward execution wise. Still a jam tho!
I also like that the songs some what reflect Haruka's state of mind at the time of her performing them. At the time of So Much More she is just really excited for her career and incredibly optimistic. Then during Lonliness Loop she's generally dealing with the heaviness of her career and isolation of it and if I remember correctly, Park had just died when she went on to perform it. Then Because I Have You is building up to the eventual decision Haruka will end up making at the end, she's realizing how much she misses her family but her dream is still ahead of her, just super duper close. Lastly Dream, the tear jerker, and tragically not on the OST, is about Haruka's dream finally cultivating. She is in this moment achieving her dream, but she's thinking of her family and is grateful to them for supporting her this way. THIS SONG IS FOR KIRYU. Like bro, amazing.
Shinada: Baseball
Anyways lets talk about baseball. I didn't love it. At first I kind of did because I was like omg thank god baseball is way easier in this game if I'm going to be expected to do it way more often. But omg bro its TOO easy. It's just boring man. There's no room for anything interesting or diverging about it. Kiryu's could be pretty repetitive as it's just driving but they offer three different types of driving games within it, Shinada's is just a bunch of the same hitting the baseball game. Granted I liked the little story with him helping the little boy be a good pitcher. I found the main story within it really boring? I struggled to pay attention but the ending to it was cute. Yeah I guess I just dont have as much to say with this side story. I did most of it too, I think I missed one baseball mission? I did enjoy the coach missions that he sends you on for training. Well most of them...THAT UFO ONE WAS EVIL. I've never seen a machine make you get a stick in a tiny hole (thats what she sai-) before as the goal to get your prize like WHAT?
Side stories final thoughts: And thats the side stories! They were alot of fun (mostly) I wish Akiyama got a side story :(. I can't think of what they'd give him to do but I would take literally anything. Any potential side story ideas for him?
My god I did like 95% of the substories. I did SO many.
Kiryu had a really good lineup of substories. My favorite was EASILY "From a far-off land" I cried so hard doing it bro. Basically Kiryu thinks of his kids during Christmas time and he sends money to each of them so they can get what they want for Christmas. Thing is he thought alot about each of them, it wasnt him just throwing twenty bucks per kid at them through the ATM, no, he sat there and was like "Well Shiro would really like this book, I think it costs about this much so I'll send around this much to cover it" But he does it with ALL OF THEM and its so stinkin cute I disintigrated. My second favorite goes to "The other Haruka" as you can imagine anything reminding me of the kids will be my favorite. This one is good for obvious reasons. As for a weaker substory, I really didnt care for "A knock on the door" Honorable mention to the series of substories with Yuya in them! This game was tragically the only one that didn't have Kazuki in it at all.
Saejima's were the weakest and here's why. Because you only get one chapter in his city area, all of them are incredibly fast. One of them is literally just briefly talking to a guy like ???. He does also have several substories on the mountain but they're more related to his side story so I dont really count them. Anyways, my favorite of his was easily "The Little Match Girl" I CRIED, listen im a sucker for the little match girl story and this was just really adorable. I also loved the substory where he dressed as Santa and had to escape a bunch of kids. His worst is probably that one where he just talks to that guy.
Haruka wise, I liked any of her substories where she hung out with Akari, but my favorite overall was probably the one where she does the Okinawa magazine interview it was so cute and it made me wanna cri. Least favorite wise, I hated "starbound" it just felt meanspirited. Haha she's fat, grow up.
Akiyama had alot of fun ones. The best probably being either of the two where he DOES A DANCE BATTLE. It was fucking amazing. I also really enjoyed the "Quirky Idol" substory. I did not like "giving up on a dream" Akiyama was once again being mega weird and creepy, I hated that.
Shinada is much better in his substories then he is normally. My favorite's were "Daddy Papa" and "The Scoop Photo", that guy had crazy hair. I did not like the store clerk one because I am incapable of math.
And thats the substories! There's also the Tatsuya quests. Although I like Tatsuya and I made sure to do all of them, I don't think this was well executed. They dont feel very rewarding and taking Tatsuya to the resturaunts is really awkward, I wish they added like mini cutscenes of dialogue where each person got to know Tatsuya with every resturaunt encounter or something. But it wasn't that bad I hope I see him again.
As for the revelations, I am a huge fan of revelations in the Yakuza games. They cut back on them alot in this one sadly but at least we still got some. Also I know there were weapon revelations but I somehow found none of them so Im going to just talk about the normal ones. Well, more like rank them.
Saejima: This was funny in a looney tunes way, I loved it.
Haruka: Okay I hated the substory starbound but this was so stupid I couldn't help but lose it while watching.
Shinada: This was just really cool.
Akiyama: I can respect that performance
Kiryu: Althought I like the guy and respect the situation, the revelation in itself wasn't super memorable.
There you have it!
Yakuza 5 is wild because every character (except Akiyama) got their own unique area in the game, plus there is also Kamurocho. Saejima actually got TWO if not three if you count the prison. I found Kiryu's to be really lovely, it's probably my favorite honestly, at least out of the new ones. I felt like I really got a good feel of the place and it had such a relaxing atmosphere. Because of the slow nature of this part of the game, it really had time to develop a unique identity especially because Kiryu was so familiar with the locals. The mountain was a better setting for Saejima, I wish they just expanded the mountain rather then have him go to the city. Saejima's city, While I thought this area was my favorite beauty wise. we aren't there long enough and it feels to restrictive on where we can go. Satenbori felt like coming home and it was SO lovely and nice just like I remembered, no notes. Shinada's lacked alot of character. I actually thought it was Kamurocho for way too long because it looks so similar to it. Granted I get Japan can't look too different from well, Japan, it just struggled to stick out in my mind. It's unique feature was the large park area and that was pretty cool but I like never went over there. Lastly, Karmurocho is as lovely as ever, im amazed they still let me go underground even though we barely spend any time in the city, like there was no need for them to let me but they did and I appreciate it. Goodbye intricate rooftop access though, you will be missed. The Kamurocho hills additon made the whole place feel quite unfamiliar honestly. It was a strange feeling walking around it but I still thought it was pretty cool!
Did anyone have a favorite city we visited?
8/10
2024.05.19 18:14 n-plasx What does DKIM signature body hash did not verify mean?
I sent an email out for the first time using my domain and it went straight to the spam folder. This is sending from a CNAME of my domain by Shopify after someone places an order, it’s a transactional email.
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/k88jyzngqe1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61fabcbb73f7d2fa435d53db21a7d6aa2e805fa
https://preview.redd.it/nk5mcocjqe1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=687e31b2179dbef564e20fb0c330b539d73f51a6
https://preview.redd.it/cf4hangkqe1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=340a332ccc41a9e244542d1bff51edfbdcfcc64d
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/rty1rviyqe1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ffc70754ba86cc5db6be7e7ea1d770757fa5d8e
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/fxislbd1re1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=095736d5f422040da3bee7da533c576b1bed37a1
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
submitted by n-plasx to DMARC [link] [comments]
When looking at the header of the email, spf and dkim shows pass. I copied that header and paste it into mxtoolbox and it says that the DKIM is not authenticated because the DKIM signature body hash did not verify.
https://preview.redd.it/k88jyzngqe1d1.png?width=2482&format=png&auto=webp&s=c61fabcbb73f7d2fa435d53db21a7d6aa2e805fa
https://preview.redd.it/nk5mcocjqe1d1.png?width=2440&format=png&auto=webp&s=687e31b2179dbef564e20fb0c330b539d73f51a6
https://preview.redd.it/cf4hangkqe1d1.png?width=2412&format=png&auto=webp&s=340a332ccc41a9e244542d1bff51edfbdcfcc64d
I have added all necessary DNS records given to me by Shopify. 4 CNAME records, 3 of which are for DKIM.
https://preview.redd.it/rty1rviyqe1d1.png?width=1298&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ffc70754ba86cc5db6be7e7ea1d770757fa5d8e
And Shopify tells me that I did everything correctly.
https://preview.redd.it/fxislbd1re1d1.png?width=1486&format=png&auto=webp&s=095736d5f422040da3bee7da533c576b1bed37a1
I have a DMARC record set to p=none. Can someone help me understand how come my email is still going into the spam folder and how to fix this please?
Thanks in advance
2024.05.19 18:11 the_black_mamba3 Job told me in writing I would become a full-time, salaried employee, and they are taking it back a year later. Is that legal?
My job (OPS worker for a public university) has been telling me they will be moving me to a full-time, salaried/contracted A&P position for a year. I have this in writing multiple times, and the paperwork to reclassify my position was signed, processed, then trashed due to a lower-management change. I am now the only employee in my department working 40 hours with no benefits. Coincidentally(?), I am also the only employee with reasonable accommodations, which are under scrutiny for no provided reason. I apologize for the length, but that is the tldr, and everything is public record.
I began my job as a part time, at-will/OPS employee in January of 2023. In June, I casually began a conversation with my coworker about going full-time since I was already working 35 hours a week. He is friends with my bosses boss, and said he'd talk to her about it. Bosses boss said it was possible, and she'd gather more info about it. Somewhere in there, we discussed the my tuition getting paid as part of the benefits package offered (this is offered to all FT employees). In July, my boss (who was later terminated) came into my office and told me that I needed to go to her if I wanted to go full-time, and that she would make it happen.
In September, boss emails me asking if I still want to go full time, I reply yes, she replies that she hasn't forgotten about it and thanks me for my patience. In December, I follow up via email again, and boss tells me we can address if after the first of the year. I tell her that my tuition is due the 19th of January, and asked if I will be FT by then and get my tuition paid for. She says yes.
In January 2024, I email my boss again, copying HR, for an update. My boss and HR reply saying they'll set up a meeting to "discuss my transition to full-time status." They have the meeting, and boss later asks me verbally if I want benefits. I say yes. Somewhere after that, the new A&P position is drafted up and sent over to HR. I end up getting a tuition deferment to mid-Feb. On Jan 29, I email again asking for an update, and my boss says HR is working on approving the position, and that my company "will be paying my tuition." HR replied saying the position was still with them for approval, and once it is approved, it will be posted for candidates to apply, and that they're working on my tuition payment.
In February, my boss is terminated. My bosses duties fall to my bosses boss. The next week, bosses boss tells me verbally that she will be signing the paperwork for the new position. Somewhere after that, she signs the paperwork and HR starts working on getting the job posted. This same week, I turned down a job interview for a comparable position at another gov agency. Later that month, we have an interim director appointed. During this time, I am also approved for and begin working from home 2 days a week as a reasonable accommodation, all signed off on by the HR ADA office and bosses boss.
In March, I email HR again asking where we are, and let them know I only ended up getting my tuition partially covered (ended up paying $500 out of pocket). HR says they're in the middle of creating the position, and that she will see where we are. A week later, they tell me that they stopped the process and that they'll need to start over with my new boss. The already-approved position and paperwork signed by my bosses boss were scrapped. I email my boss asking if he can follow up, and he said he is meeting with bosses boss and will bring it up.
In April, I email interim boss for an update. He gives this vague response about how the department's staffing model needs to be looked at and addressed with HR. He says that he's indicated that I need to be brought up to full-time, and that bosses boss is working to resolve the situation. Boss also starts having concerns about the departments "arbitrary working from home" (done by another coworker, who decides she can WFH whenever she wants without permission), and sends the university's WFH policy (separate from WFH as an accommodation).
Early May, he tells me verbally that I will start working 40 hours a week as an OPS employee. He also asks if I will be coming back in the office everyday, and I say no due to my accommodation. He goes on to say that other coworkers were working remotely and not getting work done, tells me he knows I am getting my work done, but that these coworkers are essentially ruining it for everyone. I tell him again that I have an accommodation, and he says he will need to talk to HR about that. I email him my paperwork with ADA coordinator copied, and she says the paperwork still stands with bosses boss signature and that it does not need to be reissued. The next week, he makes an announcement to the staff that all WFH requests have been denied, other than me due to an "exception," and that he's still talking to HR about it. Same day, coworker who is ruining it for everyone tells me she's planning on faking a disability to get an accommodation. I tell my boss about this immediately. Nothing happens.
Yesterday, I email my boss if it was still in the works to become an A&P employee with a benefits package. He replies saying no changes in position classification will occur in the immediate future.
The state of florida employee website says "OPS employees do not fill established positions and may not be assigned the duties of any vacant authorized position." My departments org chart has 2 empty positions I am/could be considered filling: Marketing Representative and Marketing and Communications Representative. I am currently classified as "information assistant and writer," but I am the only marketing position, manage everything myself with no guidance, and additionally manage an assistant that reports to me. Assistant is also employed as an information assistant and writer.
I am now the only employee in my department working 40 hours a week with no benefits, my accommodations are under scrutiny, and I turned down an interview for a position that would have paid more than. Do I have any sort of legal ground here, especially with everything being public record? Is there anything I can do other than find a new job? Could this be discrimination?
submitted by the_black_mamba3 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
I began my job as a part time, at-will/OPS employee in January of 2023. In June, I casually began a conversation with my coworker about going full-time since I was already working 35 hours a week. He is friends with my bosses boss, and said he'd talk to her about it. Bosses boss said it was possible, and she'd gather more info about it. Somewhere in there, we discussed the my tuition getting paid as part of the benefits package offered (this is offered to all FT employees). In July, my boss (who was later terminated) came into my office and told me that I needed to go to her if I wanted to go full-time, and that she would make it happen.
In September, boss emails me asking if I still want to go full time, I reply yes, she replies that she hasn't forgotten about it and thanks me for my patience. In December, I follow up via email again, and boss tells me we can address if after the first of the year. I tell her that my tuition is due the 19th of January, and asked if I will be FT by then and get my tuition paid for. She says yes.
In January 2024, I email my boss again, copying HR, for an update. My boss and HR reply saying they'll set up a meeting to "discuss my transition to full-time status." They have the meeting, and boss later asks me verbally if I want benefits. I say yes. Somewhere after that, the new A&P position is drafted up and sent over to HR. I end up getting a tuition deferment to mid-Feb. On Jan 29, I email again asking for an update, and my boss says HR is working on approving the position, and that my company "will be paying my tuition." HR replied saying the position was still with them for approval, and once it is approved, it will be posted for candidates to apply, and that they're working on my tuition payment.
In February, my boss is terminated. My bosses duties fall to my bosses boss. The next week, bosses boss tells me verbally that she will be signing the paperwork for the new position. Somewhere after that, she signs the paperwork and HR starts working on getting the job posted. This same week, I turned down a job interview for a comparable position at another gov agency. Later that month, we have an interim director appointed. During this time, I am also approved for and begin working from home 2 days a week as a reasonable accommodation, all signed off on by the HR ADA office and bosses boss.
In March, I email HR again asking where we are, and let them know I only ended up getting my tuition partially covered (ended up paying $500 out of pocket). HR says they're in the middle of creating the position, and that she will see where we are. A week later, they tell me that they stopped the process and that they'll need to start over with my new boss. The already-approved position and paperwork signed by my bosses boss were scrapped. I email my boss asking if he can follow up, and he said he is meeting with bosses boss and will bring it up.
In April, I email interim boss for an update. He gives this vague response about how the department's staffing model needs to be looked at and addressed with HR. He says that he's indicated that I need to be brought up to full-time, and that bosses boss is working to resolve the situation. Boss also starts having concerns about the departments "arbitrary working from home" (done by another coworker, who decides she can WFH whenever she wants without permission), and sends the university's WFH policy (separate from WFH as an accommodation).
Early May, he tells me verbally that I will start working 40 hours a week as an OPS employee. He also asks if I will be coming back in the office everyday, and I say no due to my accommodation. He goes on to say that other coworkers were working remotely and not getting work done, tells me he knows I am getting my work done, but that these coworkers are essentially ruining it for everyone. I tell him again that I have an accommodation, and he says he will need to talk to HR about that. I email him my paperwork with ADA coordinator copied, and she says the paperwork still stands with bosses boss signature and that it does not need to be reissued. The next week, he makes an announcement to the staff that all WFH requests have been denied, other than me due to an "exception," and that he's still talking to HR about it. Same day, coworker who is ruining it for everyone tells me she's planning on faking a disability to get an accommodation. I tell my boss about this immediately. Nothing happens.
Yesterday, I email my boss if it was still in the works to become an A&P employee with a benefits package. He replies saying no changes in position classification will occur in the immediate future.
The state of florida employee website says "OPS employees do not fill established positions and may not be assigned the duties of any vacant authorized position." My departments org chart has 2 empty positions I am/could be considered filling: Marketing Representative and Marketing and Communications Representative. I am currently classified as "information assistant and writer," but I am the only marketing position, manage everything myself with no guidance, and additionally manage an assistant that reports to me. Assistant is also employed as an information assistant and writer.
I am now the only employee in my department working 40 hours a week with no benefits, my accommodations are under scrutiny, and I turned down an interview for a position that would have paid more than. Do I have any sort of legal ground here, especially with everything being public record? Is there anything I can do other than find a new job? Could this be discrimination?