I had a pretty complicated relationship with my sexuality over the last few years (I'm currently 24yo, and I'm a woman). I had some female crushes when I was younger, but I considered myself bi, and thought that sticking to heteronormativity could be easier to socially deal with. Hence, since I was like 16 I did go out with a few guys. I even had a boyfriend for 6 months when I was 20 but it was a nightmare (he was also pretty abusive, which didn't help much with the whole "having a relationship" experience). Then, finally, at 22 I realized I hated every second of being with a man and came out as a lesbian. Now is when things get interesting. As I figured out how I dealt with being attracted to people, it was the moment to better understand HOW this attraction acts in my mind, if that makes sense.
I would go out on a few dates with a girl, have sex (I'm not ace btw), have fun, talk about multiple stuff, and start to get uncomfortable after a month or so. This happened like 3 or 4 times. I would start having an ick for being with them for too long, I would be annoyed by the relationship build-up, by the type of conversations about our future together, or whatever. And I would start noticing that my goals with this interaction would be really different from the other girls' goals.
I started wondering that I might be aromantic and that I would be ok with having completely casual stuff since I do enjoy the sex and the talking sometimes but not building a relationship. I took like 2 months to think about it, without looking for girls. And then, 2 days ago I reinstalled tinder, I decided I would go for a more casual approach without thinking much about it. But then I got a match and we followed each other on instagram. I found myself going through her following pages to see what we have in common. It was that excitement all over again and I would have an adrenaline spike every time she replied to my messages. Then I started to question myself, like "wth are you feeling this way if even with things working out you won't be enjoying this in the long run?"
My friend said that I just like the "honeymoon" phase of knowing each other, and honestly I think this might be right. But I don't wanna be an asswhole (with her or with anyone else), and I want to know how to communicate this to anyone. Maybe a label that I don't know of would help, maybe it wouldn't, maybe I should just leave society and go live in the woods.

i’m starting to become more open to the idea of dating men but my success has been rather meh
one thing i’ve noticed in gay spaces is that heteronormative standards are still prevalent. masculine men don’t like other masculine men, feminine men don’t like other feminine men, etc. it’s like the silent code that was never spoke in the lesbian community, studs not dating studs.
it’s a little disheartening to say the least but that’s why i want to hear others experience with it and what they’ve dealt with along their journeys.
I also would like to know if any of you have T4T experiences (trans man/trans man) and was it healthy? god i heard so many stories about queer relationships being traumatic bc of trauma bonding.

my gf and i (24 & 25) have been dating for almost a year, and our sex like has been up and down. this is my first relationship with a woman so i prob have some heteronormative thinking to undo. and for her, this is her first sexual relationship. she has a lot of sexual trauma and before me was a touch me not. i’m grateful she opened up to me and felt safe with me to explore sex.
our sex life for the past couple months has been great. she’s hornier more often than i am and my favorite thing about her sexually is how wet she gets from me just existing. it’s a huge ego boost to have her be dripping when we are just laying together or i’m changing or something.
but in the last 3 ish weeks, she has completely dried up. she is never wet anymore. she claims she still feels horny but she’s dry as the sahara no matter what. she also has not been in the mood or initiated at all. she started taking gabapentin for chronic pain around the time this started and she has been blaming it on this which i find hard to believe as there’s no evidence out there about it.
this has been a huge hit to my self esteem and we haven’t been having sex as a result. the times i tried to talk to her she ends up crying about it because she hates talking about sex so then i seem like an awful person for trying to tell her how this is making me feel.
i can’t help but feel like she isn’t attracted to me anymore or she is cheating on me or wants someone else. i have no evidence for this besides her physiological reactions to me but i don’t know what to do.
i feel so stupid because i find myself crying and almost mourning the version of her that found me so attractive she couldn’t not be all over me. i don’t know how to cope with this change. i have OCD which makes it hard for me to let things go and not hyperfixate. i am in therapy but i just figured id reach out for support on here.
tl;dr: girlfriend started medication and since then hasn’t been turned on or wanting to have sex. how do i cope?

my gf (24) and i (25) have been dating for almost a year, and our sex like has been up and down. this is my first relationship with a woman so i prob have some heteronormative thinking to undo. and for her, this is her first sexual relationship. she has a lot of sexual trauma and before me was a touch me not. i’m grateful she opened up to me and felt safe with me to explore sex.
our sex life for the past couple months has been great. she’s hornier more often than i am and my favorite thing about her sexually is how wet she gets from me just existing. it’s a huge ego boost to have her be dripping when we are just laying together or i’m changing or something.
but in the last 3 ish weeks, she has completely dried up. she is never wet anymore. she claims she still feels horny but she’s dry as the sahara no matter what. she also has not been in the mood or initiated at all. she started taking gabapentin for chronic pain around the time this started and she has been blaming it on this which i find hard to believe as there’s no evidence out there about it.
this has been a huge hit to my self esteem and we haven’t been having sex as a result. the times i tried to talk to her she ends up crying about it because she hates talking about sex so then i seem like an awful person for trying to tell her how this is making me feel.
i can’t help but feel like she isn’t attracted to me anymore or she is cheating on me or wants someone else. i have no evidence for this besides her physiological reactions to me but i don’t know what to do.
i feel so stupid because i find myself crying and almost mourning the version of her that found me so attractive she couldn’t not be all over me. i don’t know how to cope with this change. i have OCD which makes it hard for me to let things go and not hyperfixate. i am in therapy but i just figured id reach out for support on here.
tl;dr: girlfriend started medication and since then hasn’t been turned on or wanting to have sex. how do i cope?

my gf and i have been dating for almost a year, and our sex like has been up and down. this is my first relationship with a woman so i prob have some heteronormative thinking to undo. and for her, this is her first sexual relationship. she has a lot of sexual trauma and before me was a touch me not. i’m grateful she opened up to me and felt safe with me to explore sex.
our sex life for the past couple months has been great. she’s hornier more often than i am and my favorite thing about her sexually is how wet she gets from me just existing. it’s a huge ego boost to have her be dripping when we are just laying together or i’m changing or something.
but in the last 3 ish weeks, she has completely dried up. she is never wet anymore. she claims she still feels horny but she’s dry as the sahara no matter what. she also has not been in the mood or initiated at all. she started taking gabapentin for chronic pain around the time this started and she has been blaming it on this which i find hard to believe as there’s no evidence out there about it.
this has been a huge hit to my self esteem and we haven’t been having sex as a result. the times i tried to talk to her she ends up crying about it because she hates talking about sex so then i seem like an awful person for trying to tell her how this is making me feel.
i can’t help but feel like she isn’t attracted to me anymore or she is cheating on me or wants someone else. i have no evidence for this besides her physiological reactions to me but i don’t know what to do.
i feel so stupid because i find myself crying and almost mourning the version of her that found me so attractive she couldn’t not be all over me. i don’t know how to cope with this change. i have OCD which makes it hard for me to let things go and not hyperfixate. i am in therapy but i just figured id reach out for support on here.
tl;dr: girlfriend started medication and since then hasn’t been turned on or wanting to have sex. how do i cope?

TLDR: my hyper-religious upbringing has left me stuck half in and half out of the closet and feeling unable to seek out a relationship. I want to hear experiences of others who have been in a similar situation and come out the other side for the better.
I am a 27 year old gay man who has had a lifelong struggle with my sexuality. I was raised in an extremely sheltered religious and conservative environment. Small Christian schools until college, church every Sunday, etc. I was never interested in the more typically masc activities sports etc and was just an awkward, quiet, neurodivergent kid. I was bullied pretty hard in middle school by other guys for not fitting the heteronormative mold. It was around this time when I first discovered I had sexual feelings towards other guys. Of course I kept this hidden all throughout middle and high school. It was at this time that I developed a deep seated hatred towards who I was and a belief that I was fundamentally broken as a person.
My parents learned I was gay after finding my search history. They maintained they still loved me, but did not accept my sexuality. They sent me to therapy at our church where I was fed conversion therapy lite rhetoric. This basically hammered home that there was something wrong with who I was.
When I went to college out of state, the environment was drastically different. Far more liberal and totally secular. Away from family and fear of judgment, for the first time I felt comfortable enough to get on the apps and start experimenting. I was also able to come out to a new group of friends and when they were accepting, I felt a feeling of freedom and lightness that I had never experienced.
However, there was definitely some unresolved issues underlying that I did not recognize. I began to use Grindr obsessively, and was having one night stands pretty frequently. I felt sexually liberated, but it never led to dating or the emotional fulfillment that I was still missing.
Time went on, and things took a turn. My mental and physical health suffered. Friendships fell apart, I gained a lot of weight and developed an eating disorder. Eventually, I stopped having sex altogether around 2017/18.
After college I moved back home and have been there since for financial reasons. I took some time to better my physical health and have lost some weight and recovered from the ED. But I have not spoken to my family about my sexuality since I was probably 16 or 17. For the past ten years the only crushes I’ve had were on men who were taken or unavailable which made it easier to bottle up my feelings and never share them with the object of my affection.
I tried dating in 2023, which ended poorly. I rediscovered all this deeply ingrained shame and the prospect of introducing a boyfriend to my family scared me shitless. This killed any potential of dating leading to anything. Even the thought of a covert hookup makes me sick and guilty now. I can’t even picture myself in a sexual situation, let alone in a healthy relationship. I don’t feel like I have ownership over my mind and body. It feels like every time I tap into my sexuality I’m doing something wrong.
The cherry on top was hearing my own grandfather preaching at a Christmas Eve church service and call gay people abominations. That cemented the fact that I will never feel comfortable bringing a partner around my family. It seems they either don’t know I’m gay or are satisfied that I keep myself in the closet. But I find myself craving physical affection based on an emotional connection that I have never allowed myself to have.
I know the obvious solution is therapy, but I’ve been put off by my previous negative experiences with it and the financial barrier. I want so badly to live free of guilt, but I don’t know if this mental barrier is ever going to break. If anyone has had a similar experience, I would love to know what helped change your mindset and overcome religious social conditioning.

Im worried i mostly date men cause of heteronormative programming. I struggle to flirt with women. 😭 . I feel like my bisexuality is slipping away from me. When I’m on the street and see other queer people it’s always like “wait I’m one of you too””

Asking as a confused top leaning switch. My partner is a bottom and it feels like she always expects me to pay. She’s also like the first full on bottom I’ve dated. Isn’t this so heteronormative though? Help me out please
Edit: thanks for all your responses! I appreciate all of you for taking your time to comment
Edit2: I guess what I mean is more so dom/sub dynamic so I’m more dom and a little masc and not so much about top/bottom if that helps 🫠
Edit3: she used to date a trans masc for years and that may have to do with it. Who knows. Anyway thanks for all the responses

I know this is not new, nor it is a shock to anyone who has been on dating apps recently but OMG it’s horrible out here. I just need to rant about this to the void/masses because honestly it feels a little isolating talking to my friends about this since all of them have significant others.
I recently decided to put myself out there. I ended a relationship in the beginning of the year and honestly I just wanted to ease my way into dating and I figured why not dating apps. I should have known better 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have used apps like TindeBumble/Hinge before but honestly I feel like it has just got worse since then.
I am plus size/fat/big whatever you want to call it so it is already hard enough to find someone who isn’t fat phobic and is understanding of my situation and that I am actively trying to better my health. But like some guys honestly do not know how to talk to women. 😤🤬
Like it’s always dtf? Or do you wanna to hookup? Like sir a hi how are you would be nice!? Or a how are you doing? What are you looking for on this app would go so much further for you!!!! 🫠 Is like having manners and make conversation before jumping into bed with someone going to kill you?!
Honestly I was not looking for a serious relationship out of this dating apps. And I would have been open to a one time thing but the way you literally talk makes me cringe and is repulsive.
Is this the normal heteronormative experience on dating apps? Please I would love to hear for the girls out there! Because you’re girl is struggling out here and honestly being single for forever is sounding really good rn

Hi! I'm a currently closeted 25 yo trans woman. While I have been figuring stuff out and during my present stay in the closet, I have not been interested in dating. I will however be more publicly out pretty soon and will also most likely want to start dating again. With me being attracted to women and having lived as a man so far, I haven't had to think much about early relationship dynamics due to our current overwhelmingly heteronormative society. My question is, how do I navigate initiating what would now be lesbian relationships? The thing I have been thinking about most is that in the past, I've pretty much assumed the women I've been attracted were attracted to men unless given differing information. It feels dangerous(?) to make the now more relevant assumption that women I'm attracted to are attracted to women. I know I can literally ask them, but I guess I don't know how to naturally do that since I never really asked that sort of thing before unless it was relevant to some sort of conversation we were having. Advice appreciated!

So yes, I'm vers, I like to top and bottom but not in the same sex date if that makes sense. Like, if I'm going to do it with a bottom, I need him to be 100% a bottom, I don't mean fem, but just a bottom that doesn't even suggest fucking me or even touching my butt.
If I'm going to do it with a top, I need him to be 100% a top as well, I don't want him touching my dick or suggest me fucking him (even though I'm vers lol).
When it comes to other vers guys, I don't say I'm vers, I just say what I'm feeling in the moment... which is topping most of the time.
So yeah, I'm definitely not into flip flopping...
I don't understand what it is but I think it could be one of two things:

1. This whole heteronormative / conservative idea of the man and the woman is deeply ingrained in me
   
2. I'm acoustic
   

Anybody else feels the same way? or am I alone on this?

The show in question is Ramy, a comedy/drama on Hulu. For some context, the show is mostly about a Muslim family, and the character in question is Uncle Naseem, an outwardly hyper-masculine, racist, misogynist man who is clearly overcompensating for something.

Full Comments

Original post for posterity:

Like what was the point?? He was funny as hell, and I wish we could get deeper into his character, but why make him gay??? I wonder if the season where he made the uncle gay was the season the show got a Golden Globe.
Update: it’s been so fun going back and forth with you queens, please keep going, I love how butt hurt you guys are 😭 but then again I’m sure everything’s numb down there by now 😂
Update #2: I see I hurt some feelings here, let me just say, I hope you have nightmares about what I said, I hope the PreP in your stomach makes you throw up tonight, I hope you cry yourselves to sleep. Thank you for being so entertaining during my workday. Byeee queers 🥹

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Why does it bother you if he is gay? And what do you mean by “absolutely no reason”? The fact that he was gay is exactly what made us get a deeper perspective on the character, which is what you say you wanted. He otherwise was just portrayed as a backward, racist, misogynist. So it was important to show another side to him, not just that he’s the “old crazy uncle.” It shows why he is the way he is, the frustration he has felt his entire life, of being gay and having to hide it, and probably being hyper masculine to compensate . Also, I could be wrong, so feel free to clarify, but if you think Uncle Naseem was “funny as hell” because you actually agree with the comments he was making, I have news for you. The show creators definitely do not want us to agree with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints. We are supposed to be laughing AT him for the things he is saying, not with him. If you find yourself agreeing with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints and it bothers you that he’s gay, this show might not be for you .

Because its forced nowadays. If it wasn’t mandated by Hollwood, id have more respect for the writers.

Nah, it’s not forced. It made perfect sense. It’s like when you hear about anti-gay pastors and politicians getting caught on Grindr or with prostitutes. There’s no gay mafia telling Ramy what to do, but that’d be funny though lol

It really is forced, but you can pretend to ignore it.

How is it forced? Everyone disagrees with you. To us, it made perfect sense. I think you don’t like it because you’re a conservative who doesn’t like gay acts depicted

Lmfaoo so since everyone disagrees I should just agree with you all? Those echo chambers really smoothed out your brain.

Then articulate a non-smooth brained reason why you think you can’t have gay characters on TV or why this show in particular shouldn’t have one of the cast members be gay Nah there was no point. But thanks for the essay. why did you even ask the question if you didn’t want a real answer? Lmfaoooooo just cause you agree doesn’t make it a “real answer”. well the only answers you agree with are ones that reinforce the opinion you already hold. if you just wanted people to agree with you then why did you ask a question in the first place? That’s not what I said at all but go off sis

[...]

Actually gays are dying out. Everyone is trams these days.. lesbians are unicorns now

.

I couldn’t disagree more with you. It makes him a more interesting character and puts a new spin on all his past statements and interactions. It makes Naseem more sympathetic because his homophobia is overcompensation and denial. Like they didn’t have to make him a diamond dealer either, but it also makes his antisemitism more interesting being that he has to work with Jews all the time.

Yeah, but he didn’t need to be gay

He didn’t need to be, it just was better for his character. Often times the most homophobic guy is gay. Why does it offend you so much? Do you think being gay is bad?

LMFAOOO such a high school response “oh he doesn’t like gays so he must be gay”. That talking point tracks with your other smooth brained buddies in here

Can you answer the question? Is being gay bad because it’s haram?

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People just be gay.

Duh

Are you 13?

Ouch that one really hurt 😞

lol ok kid

thanks man🙂‍↕️

.

Dude….this is so mistaken. This isn’t just a DEI move or some shit. You have this really racist and emotionally wrecked uncle in denial and unable to accept his “flaws”. He knows he is for example attracted to men but he cannot accept that that is okay. He finds himself in the sauna getting sucked off because he couldn’t do it anywhere else. And the moment he thinks his niece finds out he goes crazy about it. Curb your homophobia/queerphobia. A show isn’t “infected” by the LGBTQ movement or part of the gay agenda just because it features gay characters. I’m sorry you’re too afraid to live in a world where media isn’t strictly heteronormative.

Oh save the “phobia” garbage lol, they didn’t need to make him gay period

So why did they have to make him straight?

They don’t, but making him gay shouldn’t be his whole storyline, they barely dove into his character and they just make him gay for what?? It just feels lazy.

We’re explaining to you why the reveal that he is secretly gay is essential to his character development yet you completely ignore it and assert that “they didn’t need to make him gay”. It only appears lazy because you do not understand the logic behind it. They constantly show he’s a lonely bitter old man but we just assume it’s cuz he can’t court any women cuz he’s racist. It’s a massive reveal to us that the real reason he can’t court women is because he’s not attracted to them, and he comes from a place where homosexuality is essentially a weakness and so he cannot accept that he’s weak. We see that he was dating a guy for some time but ends up punching him in the face, because for Uncle Naseem the thing he loves is also the thing he hates most about himself. He loves his family but he also hates them. He loves Ramy but he also hates him. He loves men but he also hates being attracted to them. This is what causes the dissonance in his life, because he can’t accept his flaws. The fact that such a hard ass bought a cake for his boyfriend shows how inside he’s still soft and vulnerable like everybody else. You’re gonna keep asking the question. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE HIM GAY? The truth is that Ramy Youssef didn’t have to tell us Uncle Naseem is gay, but if we didn’t know then we would know even less about Uncle Naseem.

Yeah you’re on crack or poppers if you think I’m reading all this LMFAOOO! I’ll respond with just a simple, No you’re wrong. Thank you😇

[...]

I would disagree. Him being secretly gay explains a lot about Naseem’s character flaws, especially concerning his overtly homophobic behavior. He’s very clearly compensating in multiple areas. He’s trying to put on this persona that doesn’t match who he actually is. I think him being gay is actually pretty crucial to the character and story line. I like that you don’t have any issues with the other characters? Others are not perfect either, yet you only seem to care about this.

Nah

You don’t even have any counter arguments, what’s the point of your post other than showing how incoherent you can be.

Awhhh I’m sorry I’m not engaging with you like you desperately want 🥺. Tell me how your day was buddy

You’re the one who posted this and can’t even hold your own lmao, you must not be that bright

You feel better? I’ve responded 2 times now okay🥺 hope you can sleep now

The butt hurt guy (ironically) who creates a post like this not having any self awareness to realize they are more like Naseem than their brain cells can handle, I almost feel bad

Ouch!!! You hit me with such an original response!!! It’s not like this take wasn’t said a million times 😭. And awhhh you feel bad for me??? Thanks man. I’m arguing with queers from around the globe, it does get tiring. Thanks bestie 🫶🏽

My bad, I had to repeat it because I thought you had some reading comprehension issues. You mentioned on another comment that you didn’t read it because 2 paragraphs was too long for your dumbass.

Nah it’s just, you queers all say the same things in your responses. Why waste my time ya know?

I’m sure Allah is very happy with you right now

.

Sounds like a bit of casual homophobia, eh?

My homophobia is anything but casual

Then no answer will make sense to you. People be gay, and so is his uncle. Get over it cause everybody else loved the twist.

Lmfaoooo exactly it’s called an OPINION, you don’t have to agree bud. Btw I bet when you typed up That last sentence you crossed your arms like you did something LMAOOOOOOOOO

Bro did you see your post? You asked the question and here's the answer, you're a homophobe. Funny part is that YOU answered it hahaha

LMFAOOO you did it again!! Pressed 😭

The thought of you seething about gay folk enough to come complain here is hilarious to me lol🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Oh no not the rainbows!!!! Please!!! I just ate! Your “pride” gives me bubble guts!

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care to explain why you have such a problem with the uncle being gay?

Because

because what?

Because yuck

yeah I saw that you admitted to being a homophobe already. you’re a trash person with trash beliefs and a shit moral system. not much we can do about that.

LMFAOOO pat yourself on the back please, or get whoever back doors you to do it.

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I think you just don’t like that he’s gay. Get over it.

Omg I really needed to hear that, thx sis! 😂

Cool, did you get over it? And not your sis, thx! 😁

Just trying to relate to you queers, I assume your a they/that. How do you guys say sis? ?”This”?

Me (31F) and this guy (32M) have been hanging out since early January.
Unintentionally, we’ve only being hanging out with each other. I’ve matched with and talked to other men on dating apps, but never get past conversation or attempting at making plans for various reasons.
Anyways, me and this guy have great chemistry in and out of the bedroom. Conversation is always really smooth and easy, and we’ve both admitted that we compliment each other well and do like each other.
He works a pretty demanding job and he’s also a great dad to a 13 year old girl. His time is limited and we’ve always worked around this and manage to see each other over the last 5 months.
Now that we’re approaching the 6 month mark of this undefined hanging out, I want to make my wants known. Not in a begging or desperate way, but I wanna state everything with confidence. If he feels the same, great. If not, then I can walk away knowing I said my piece.
How have you approached these types of situations in a heteronormative interaction?
I’m going on a 2 week trip at the end of the month and will have this talk with him when I get back in the middle of June.
Any advice and insight on your experiences would be appreciated!

Hey guys! I’ve been following this group for a while and appreciate reading your stories and experiences! Anyways I’m 29F and over the winter I added women to my Hinge preferences. I went on a date with this one woman, we had so much in common. We hung out several times and it turned into a full blown relationship. Fast forward 4 months and things ended. It was exhilarating and I definitely loved her, but I realized that I felt so overwhelmed with both the relationship and me figuring out my sexuality. My twin is trans and I have had a lot of queer friends, so intellectually speaking this is nothing new to me. But I still feel uncomfortable with myself and feel a need to label my sexuality and explain why for 29 years I was only interested in men. Like why now? Does anyone else feel confused like this? I keep on telling myself that I don’t need to label anything, that it’s okay not to know, that this world is oppressively heteronormative and so there are a lot of things to unlearn and learn. Any advice appreciated. 😣 Or just a thumbs up so I know I’m not alone would be nice ☺️

Fear has always been the most effective means of gathering people together under one banner. From ancient times, when uniting against an outside threat such as another tribe could be the only way to survive, to modern times where the threat is often more ideological - communism or socialism have been represented as threats for political purposes. Terrorism is the most obvious example. Fear appeals to our most basic instincts, and it makes us want to know more about the threat that we face to better prepare ourselves and maintain our safety.
However, fear is easily manipulated. Sensationalist news coverage of crime for example leads to an increase in the public's fear of crime and also in their belief that crime is rising, even when the facts show that crime is in fact going down. We are susceptible to repeated messaging, and this in turn has an impact on how we view people. Believing that crime is rampant in your area leads to a decrease in the trust people have in each other.
Sexual violence is inexcusable. It can destroy people, traumatize them, and leave them with lasting mental and physical problems. This is beyond dispute. The only question then: is sexual violence more prevalent nowadays, or are we just talking more about it, which makes it seem omnipresent and makes people more afraid of it?
Feminism has morphed many times over the years, influenced by both internal and external pressures. It was monumental in bringing legal and societal parity to women in the Global North, but I believe recently it’s also been hijacked in ways that push an agenda of fear.
Since—#MeToo, while groundbreaking and in my view essential, an intense fear of sexual violence among women has now become more commonplace, coloring everyday interactions with men.
Media platforms and social groups like "Are we dating the same guy?" on Facebook perpetuate this fear, constantly hammering in the threat of male violence. Despite statistics suggesting less than 1% of men are sexual offenders, the portrayal is often vastly different, painting a grim picture of an epidemic of rape and a "hellscape" of dating. Mistrust of men is the natural result, which is how we get the ridiculous responses to the man vs bear meme, one indicator of how widespread the fear has become.
All this is compounded by the misuse of terms like "patriarchy." Once a term describing a specific societal structure (which we used to have), now it’s thrown around to broadly accuse modern society an ethical fault — with men labeled as the perennial oppressors. This narrative can foster a siege mentality among people who buy into this worldview, who come to view women as heroic victims in a deeply misogynistic world. The truth is of couse that we live in a heteronormative complex, with a patriarchy, a matricarchy and a significant queer component. All of us have agency, few are perennial victims. This results in an implicit misandrist bias which men have to deal with while being labelled as potential threats and reminded not to rape - as if any decent person needs to be told that. Imagine repeatedly telling young boys not to rape - before they are even fully aware of what their sexuality truly is, they are taught to fear it. Some women may say this is necessary to ensure the safety of the girls those young boys will encounter - but they miss the point. Treating boys as animals that need to be pre-emptively coached out of their raping conveys the message that rape is an inherent part of masculinity. Worse, it teaches boys that they can only be rapists, not victims, leading them to be ashamed of themselves when things do happen to them.
Subtle digs at men in phrases like "happy wife, happy life" or the toxic "all men are trash," are broadly tolerated, contrasting sharply with how we condemn similar statements about women or other groups. The lack of challenge these views receive in the main stream feeds into a dogmatic certainty that feminism is an essential shield against the inherent danger posed by men.
We must fight against real injustices without letting fear distort our perception and drive a wedge through society. I don't think it's unfair to say that men understand fear, we face much higher rates of actual violence and we must contend with that every day without letting it overwhelm us, and our better selves. We can't mistrust everyone, this makes us unhappy and leads to a breakdown in the social contract. We need to maintain a balanced dialogue that treats the problem of sexual violence as abhorrent but not rampant.
A final thought- statistics say 1 in 5 women get raped in their lifetime in the USA. This number is inexcusable. We stand by all victims of rape, regardless of who they are. In that light, it is important to note that according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), when considering forms of sexual violence including being made to penetrate someone else, sexual coercion, and unwanted sexual contact, approximately 1 in 6 men have experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. There are victims of all genders, their gender is not what makes them victims. There are also rapists of all genders. My fight is with the rapists, regardless of gender, colour or creed. I hope you feel the same.
Looking forward to the responses.

I feel like most queer representation is very fetishization or follow stereotypes or are just plain heteronormative. I have seen a lot of queer rep like in the Harley Quinn comics and while they are a much better representation now. Some of the stuff is very fetshizing. And I'm not asexual by any mean, I just dont want to be fetishized in very scene. Like have you seen the comics
. I've also read many yaoi manga. And sex is everywhere. Most of the manga are just 5 to 7 chapters long and atleast 2 chapters are dedicated to sex. And I just cannot. I cant even read this at school because of this. And sometimes one of the dudes just get pushed into the female role and its...infuriating. moreover it just trigger my dysphoria because I'm genderfluid. Furthermore most manga is just the fetishization of gay men for str8 women
ivs also read yuri and it was good at first but then I just stumbled upon many butch×fem pairing and I know that there are actually buch×fem lesbian couples. But I just dont want to see an effeminate person being paired with a masculine person all the time. I'm effeminate and I would like to date an effeminate person regardless of gender. Nothing against masculine people. They just arent my type.
Moreover,it also feels a bit heteronormative in a way. So yea and theres also this problem in yaoi and yuri that they are straight but they just like this one person of the same gender....And that's not really good representation.
And for steven universe, the owl house and she ra. They're good representation but it's not what I'm looking for. And I've also tried queer books but they just try to be woke instead of being a genuine love story... so it never peaks my interest. So please recommend good queer recommendations. I want mostly book or comics. But shows are also welcome

I feel like most queer representation is very fetishization or follow stereotypes or are just plain heteronormative. I have seen a lot of queer rep like in the Harley Quinn comics and while they are a much better representation now. Some of the stuff is very fetshizing. And I'm not asexual by any mean, I just dont want to be fetishized in very scene. Like have you seen the comics
. I've also read many yaoi manga. And sex is everywhere. Most of the manga are just 5 to 7 chapters long and atleast 2 chapters are dedicated to sex. And I just cannot. I cant even read this at school because of this. And sometimes one of the dudes just get pushed into the female role and its...infuriating. moreover it just trigger my dysphoria because I'm genderfluid. Furthermore most manga is just the fetishization of gay men for str8 women
ivs also read yuri and it was good at first but then I just stumbled upon many butch×fem pairing and I know that there are actually buch×fem lesbian couples. But I just dont want to see an effeminate person being paired with a masculine person all the time. I'm effeminate and I would like to date an effeminate person regardless of gender. Nothing against masculine people. They just arent my type.
Moreover,it also feels a bit heteronormative in a way. So yea and theres also this problem in yaoi and yuri that they are straight but they just like this one person of the same gender....And that's not really good representation.
And for steven universe, the owl house and she ra. They're good representation but it's not what I'm looking for. And I've also tried queer books but they just try to be woke instead of being a genuine love story... so it never peaks my interest. So please recommend good queer recommendations. I want mostly book or comics. But shows are also welcome

I'm 17 and have known I was bisexual since I was 11. To explain the political alignment of my state, we were the only former confederate state to vote for Hillary, so there's definitely still an underlying stigma but it's manageable. I don't have much romantic or sexual experience with girls and I'm currently dating a guy, so it's easy for me to exude heteronormativity. A trans peer of mine that I knew for 6 years and admired a lot committed suicide last Sunday and I think the grief is starting to get to me. I think of how much suffering he went through and the suffering my community is going through around the world right now and I get so angry at how easy my life is and think I don't deserve to live in the place I do. I tried to be aware of the conditions in other countries while stuck in an American media bubble, but goddamn. The nationalist themes here run so deep that I found them in myself, and I hate the government. I'm sorry for venting but this is just a very profound feeling I'm experiencing, and I feel like I need to admit some sort of guilt and ignorance. Thank you to anyone who read my spiraling rant lol

i understand this could come across as me being a man hater out for blood. or maybe as me being biphobic. i assure you this isn’t the case, this entire rant (?) is more about me and my current cloudy feelings than it is about anybody i talk about. i also will apologize for how strange the wording is for this, and how messy this all came out as i tried to pour our feelings i have rarely discussed with anyone before so i’m not editing the text much.
i have identified as bisexual proudly for the last seven years, and even before that i never identified as straight. as i’ve grown and matured i have learned many things about myself: mainly, that i am autistic, that i am not religious, that i may be on the spectrum of asexuality, and that i don’t actually like men in the way that i have always told myself that i do. i’m in the process of grappling with yet another sexuality crisis (i refuse to pick a struggle lol) and there is one aspect of my past romantic experiences that makes me feel confused and bitter. the last two relationships i had were with women, both bisexual women, both women that in the end claimed they couldn’t be with me for one reason or another and quickly moved on to be in relationships with men.
the first of the two was a long distance relationship that lasted for a bit over a year, i took the relationship very, very seriously. i felt that it was only a matter of time before we would meet and take the relationship to the next level. i loved her, i really did. i really, really did. she broke things off because she couldn’t make things work on her end for me to visit her (fear of her family mainly, which i understood and had no problem waiting for), and she couldn't take long distance anymore. we stayed friends and i tried to be supportive of her, but she moved on to dating men exclusively fairly quickly, which is something i did resent. she likes big men, intimidating men, “stereotypical” men, if you will. she sought out men that she would look up to, who were loud and into video games. she said she wanted to feel safe and secure. i heard that i wouldn't have been able to provide that. she never actually said that, and i have never put those words in her mouth or treated her as if she had said that. but i did feel that way.
the second relationship happened a year after the first one. she and i were friends and she came out to us as bisexual. it was pretty obvious to me she liked me, and we sort of started speaking to each other as a couple. this was also long distance, however she was closer and i made it a point to go see her in person. i was very open to her about how i was still upset over the end of my last relationship when we began talking outside of our friend group, and she was comforting and encouraged those conversations. over the span of about a year i went to see her twice. we were together for three weeks total (first one week, then two in a row) and in that time we were sweet to each other and such, but didn’t even kiss. i have difficulty with intimacy, which i have no issues discussing. i could tell this bothered her, but she never brought it up to me, and besides i was her first girlfriend, so i treated the situation with caution so she could feel more comfortable. by the end of the second trip, we had a conversation on how we both agreed we weren't the type to date total strangers, and she sort of said she wasn’t sure that she was in the right place mentally to be in a relationship. i felt strange about that given that i was there because… i thought we were beginning one, but i wasn’t going to argue with her or be mad or anything so i just let it be. the trip ended and i went back home. things were different between us and a month or so later she tells me she was actually seeing a guy. a coworker she had mentioned to us before and how he was vocal about liking her. she swore up and down she wasn't interested in him then. she said she couldn't bring herself to liking me in that way, which totally blindsided me, ill admit. i also did the math and she went out on a first date with him two or three weeks after we had the conversation about not being in the right place for a relationship.
i am more bitter about the latter, im not gonna lie haha. both of them are in relationships and seem happy from what i can see on social media. im happy for them, i am. they were/are my friends and i know they deserve happiness and love. but what i don’t understand is the immediate switch to men. the underlying feeling of craving and needing the societal comfort heteronormativity brings. the way i felt so intensely for them and for the relationships we had seemed to not matter to them as much or for as long as it mattered to me. or maybe we simply valued different aspects of those relationships; where i felt at home, you could say, with the emotional intimacy and, truthfully, the bond i felt with them as women. and they… i don't know what they took from the relationships, to be honest. i hope i was able to give them something meaningful despite feeling that i certainly did not by the end of each relationship.
i will admit that i am afraid of dropping the label of bisexual. i’m afraid of picking up the asexual label just as much. thankfully it’s not because i lack support or because i fear for my safety (i have been tremendously lucky and privileged in that aspect and i am forever grateful that i have lived in such a way that’s allowed me to be out from a young age). taking into consideration my hyper-sexuality, the possible asexuality (which is so funny actually), and my past experiences with wlw relationships i am very afraid to drop men from my identity. i’m in a very strange limbo where i crave clarity in my sexuality and amorous preferences, but i also fear putting myself in those positions (go off autism) and i fear and get uncomfortable with the thought of being intimate (pop off asexuality?). i know i don't need a label, and i really don't! but i would like to have one haha i find community easier to find when i label myself. for right now im okay with keeping the bisexual label, as it’s the identity that helped me come out. i am proud of being bi. i have no issues with admitting this to anybody new in my life. i am proud of being part of the lgbtq+ community, and i wish to become even more involved as i evolve as a person. things are just a bit complicated sometimes haha

Hi everyone so I made this post because I'm like kinda bored of the whole: Am I straight am I gay am I this and that blah blah blah mental gymnastic's stuff, and the whole finsexual , gynosexual, demisexual, polysexual, pansexual etc etc kinda talks.
Like literally a day here sometimes makes me feel like Alucard ... 🤨
So lets go put on our thinking hats and go do a science shall we.
Lets start with the whole straight guys thing.
Format wise I'm going to give you the source or sauce as I like to say, for your moms spaghetti, every time, and than post the relevant stuff so we can all go over that and maybe we will learn something today.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-020-01702-1
Why Do Some Gay Men Identify as "Straight-Acting" and How Is It Related to Well-Being?
Abstract ^{<---this means that its the TLDR of the whole report, I'm not buying just to post here, I dont have a money tree growing in my back yard, sadly its just 2 oaks.}
Recent literature has described the phenomenon of "straight-acting" gay men: gay men who identify with traditional heteronormative masculinity. The current study examined predictors of "straight-acting" identification in gay men and how identifying as straight-acting relates to well-being. A sample of Australian gay men (N = 966) provided self-report data on two potential predictors of straight-acting identity: self-perceived masculinity and internalized homophobia. A path analysis assessed how these variables related to straight-acting identification. While masculine self-presentation positively predicted well-being and internalized homophobia negatively predicted well-being, straight-acting identification, which positively correlated with both, did not independently predict either psychological distress or physical well-being. Analyses further suggested that internalized homophobia had particularly deleterious effects among gay men who were more feminine. Implications for clinical and public health interventions among gay men are discussed.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22323055/
"Straight-acting gays": the relationship between masculine consciousness, anti-effeminacy, and negative gay identity
Abstract
Some gay men are preoccupied with traditional notions of masculinity and express negative feelings towards effeminate behavior in gay men. Various scholars have speculated that such attitudes by gay men reflect internalized negative feelings about being gay. Thus, we sought to assess the importance of masculinity among gay men, to compare their ideal versus perceived masculinity-femininity, to ask how gay men assess masculinity, and to test whether masculine consciousness and anti-effeminacy could predict negative feelings about being gay. Results from an online survey of 751 gay men in the United States (MAge=32.64 years, SD=11.94) showed that the majority rated masculinity for themselves and in a same-sex partner as important, and they ideally wished that their behavior was more masculine (Cohen's d=.42) and less feminine (d=.42) than they perceived it to be. Furthermore, one's behavior was more important than how one looks when assessing masculinity. A multiple regression analysis showed that the degree to which they were preoccupied with masculinity and expressed anti-effeminacy accounted for 30% of the variance in negative feelings about being gay. These finding further support the idea that masculinity is an important construct for gay men and that masculine consciousness and anti-effeminacy are related to negative feelings about being gay.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22335421/
The careful balance of gender and sexuality: rural gay men, the heterosexual matrix, and "effeminophobia"
Abstract
Based on life narratives, this article explores rural gay men's subjectivity in France and the United States. After growing up in rural cultures, these gay men tend to adopt similar hetero-centered ideas about masculinity. We show that these "conventional" ideas impact their sense of self as they express feelings of "effeminophobia." They differentiate themselves from effeminate gay men and emphasize their similarities with straight men. These ideas are both coercive and disciplinary as they homogenize rural gay men's discourse and masculine identities.
And than somewhat related but not really but kinda still
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167209338072
"I'm not gay. . . . I'm a real man!": Heterosexual Men's Gender Self-Esteem and Sexual Prejudice
Five studies examined the hypothesis that heterosexual men, but not heterosexual women, endorse negative attitudes toward homosexuality (i.e., sexual prejudice) in order to maintain a positive gender-related identity that is unambiguously different from a homosexual identity. Studies 1 and 2 showed that men's (but not women's) gender self-esteem (but not personal self-esteem) was positively related to sexual prejudice: The more positive heterosexual men's gender self-esteem, the more negative their attitude toward homosexuality. Studies 3 and 4 showed that this link appears specifically among men motivated to maintain psychological distance from gay men. Study 5 experimentally manipulated the perceived biological differences between homosexual and heterosexual men. The previously observed link between men's gender self-esteem and sexual prejudice appeared in the control and no-differences conditions but disappeared in the differences condition. These findings are discussed in terms of men's attitudes as a defensive function against threat to masculinity.
Ok so now that we got a lil peek into the whole inner workings and also got a small peek into why some ppl internally hate the "geys" I think we can now extrapolate that most of those people are just having serious issues with accepting step one.
And step one is accepting that your not heterosexual.
Tun Tun Tuuuun
So step 2 will be like , Ok what kinda sexual am I than ?
AM I really the gay ?? really ??
Well maybe .. or maybe not exactly but kinda still, sort of, its all queer, dont worry you'l be fine.
Lets go over the basic's 1st.
Lets leave out trans people a litle bit at 1st and focus on just the sexes since we, as I am an enby my self , we tend to throw some Fuzzy_logic into the mix, but we will solve that later, we'll get to that at some point.
https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-heterosexual
Heterosexual people are sexually or romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex.
Heterosexual men are sexually or romantically attracted to women, and heterosexual women are sexually or romantically attracted to men.
The prefix “hetero” comes from the Greek word heteros, which means “the other (of two), another, different, second; other than usual.”
People often use the term “straight” in place of the word heterosexual.
You might also hear these related terms:
Heteronormative. This is a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the norm or preferred orientation over others.
Heteroromantic. This is when you’re romantically attracted to only the opposite sex.
Heterosexual ally. This is a heterosexual person who supports people with other sexual orientations.

What Is the Difference Between Heterosexual, Homosexual, and Other Sexualities?

While heterosexuality is the most common sexual identity, it’s just one of many possible sexual orientations. In addition to heterosexuality, which describes people who are sexually or romantically attracted to the opposite sex, you may hear these terms.

• Homosexual, same-sex attraction
• Bisexual, attraction to more than one sex ^{<-- remember sex is not gender}
• Asexual, no sexual attraction to any sex *
• Aromantic, no romantic attraction to any sex *
• Polysexual, attraction to people of various genders ^{<-- tun tun tuuun} *
• Heteroflexible, primary attraction to people of the opposite sex and occasional attraction to people of the same sex *
• Homoflexible, primary attraction to people of the same sex and occasional attraction to people of the opposite sex
  
• Some people also choose the labels ‘queer’ or ‘fluid’ as a way of expressing themselves by their own personal feelings.
  

These are just a few of the many terms used to describe various sexual identities. Despite the large number of individuals that identify as heterosexual, it’s important to respect any individual’s sexual orientation and the label they choose. For example, some people may mainly identify as heterosexual, but their sexual identity may change over time. Others may identify as heterosexual as it relates to sexual attraction, but they may also form romantic or emotional relationships with members of the same sex. (note, not sexual, bro love )
Myths and Misconceptions about the Heterosexual Label
Although heterosexuality is fairly common, there are some myths and misconceptions about this sexual orientation.
Transgender Individuals Aren’t Heterosexual ?
Many people don’t realize that people who identify as transgender can be heterosexual. The term “transgender” refers to a person’s gender identity, not their sexuality or orientation. In fact, transgender people can be heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, queer, asexual, or any other sexual orientation, just like cisgender people — those whose gender identity corresponds with their birth sex.
Heterosexuality Isn’t Fluid ?
Heterosexual people sometimes identify with other sexualities over the course of their lifetimes. This is a common experience — many researchers believe sexuality is a spectrum and that orientation can change over time. so one can be hetero one day and gay 3 moths later when your like "wow did we just do that John ?, are we gay/bi now ? " and the answer is yes, yes you are.
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/sexual-orientation#1
What Is Sexual Orientation?
Sexual orientation is a term used to refer to a person's pattern of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to people of a particular gender (male or female). Sexuality is an important part of who we are as humans. Beyond the ability to reproduce, sexuality also defines how we see ourselves and how we physically relate to others.
So now that we covered just the basics ( yes this is going to be very long ) we are going to take a closer look at some of the more trans inclusionary sexuality labels and such.
Sexual orientation is usually divided into these categories:

• Heterosexual: Attracted to people of the opposite gender
• Bisexual: Attracted to genders the same as themselves or different than themselves".
  
• Homosexual: Attracted to people of one's own gender
  
• Pansexual: Attracted to people of any gender identity
  
• Asexual: Not sexually attracted to other people
  

Sexual orientation involves a person's feelings and sense of identity; it’s not necessarily something that’s noticeable to others. People may or may not act on the attractions they feel.
What Determines Sexual Orientation?
Most scientists agree that sexual orientation (including homosexuality and bisexuality) is the result of a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors. In other words, many things contribute to a person's sexual orientation, and the factors may be different for different people.
Homosexuality and bisexuality aren’t caused by the way children were reared by their parents, or by something that happened to them when they were young. Also, being homosexual or bisexual does not mean the person is mentally ill or abnormal in any way. They may face burdens caused by other people’s prejudices or misunderstandings.
How Do People Know Their Sexual Orientation?
Many people discover their sexual orientation as teens or young adults, and in many cases without any sexual experience. For example, someone may notice that their sexual thoughts and activities focus on people of the same gender or both genders. But it’s possible to have fantasies or to be curious about people of the same sex without being homosexual or bisexual. And they may not pursue those attractions.
Can Sexual Orientation Be Changed?
Experts agree that sexual orientation isn’t a choice and can’t be changed. Some people who are homosexual or bisexual may hide their sexual orientation to avoid prejudice from others or shame they may have been taught to feel about their sexuality.
Ok break time. go hydrate with some water or something..
Meanwhile I'm gonna set up the next bit thats going to be about the:

The Bi Umbrella

https://bi.org/en/101/bi-umbrella
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15299716.2017.1297145
An umbrella term is a word or phrase that covers a broad range of related things that belong to the same general category. Bisexuality is an umbrella term that covers a wide range of identities, terms, attractions, and behaviors that all fit the scientific definition of bisexuality.
Terms that fall under the bi umbrella include pansexual (attraction to all genders, with a political emphasis on trans and non-binary gender identities), polysexual and multisexual (attraction to multiple sexes), and omnisexual (attraction to all sexes). Some people prefer the term fluid meaning that their attractions are not fixed and include people of more than one sex over time. Others feel that their sexuality, while not limited by sex or gender, is best left unlabeled because it is not central to their sense of self. If these terms all seem extremely similar, that’s because they are! Still, these words have value in that they allow people to describe their sexuality in ways that feel more comfortable or precise. They allow people to express how they see and understand themselves and how they want to be seen by others.
It’s helpful to note that while anyone who experiences both homosexual (same sex) and heterosexual (opposite sex) attractions is bisexual according to the scientific definition, that does not mean that they will label themselves or even think of themselves (identify) as bi.
https://www.umass.edu/stonewall/sites/default/files/documents/allyship_term_handout.pdf
Gynesexual/gynosexual:
People: Individuals who experience sexual attraction toward women, females, and/or
femininity, regardless of whether they were assigned female at birth.
Pansexual people:
Individuals who are attracted to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex.
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Finsexual
Finsexual people:
Finsexual is a term for someone who is exclusively attracted to those who are feminine in nature (hence the term FIN). This can be either in their gender and/or gender presentation. Someone who identifies as finsexual can experience attraction to any gender presenting femininely and/or any feminine-aligned genders. What counts as feminine in nature is up to the individual.
The term has been deemed very similar to the term gynesexual and is sometimes and in some cases considered synonymous, however, due to gynesexual having multiple definitions, finsexual is still a unique term.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22678-demisexuality
Demisexual:
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population, most people who are demisexual rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activity.
Most people in the general population can feel sexual attraction regardless of whether they form an emotional bond with someone. They may feel sexually attracted to strangers or to new people they meet. But people who are demisexual don’t feel this initial sexual attraction.
Forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee sexual attraction will develop, but the bond is necessary for them to even consider sexual activity. If they do develop a sexual attraction, the desire for sexual activity is often less intense.
The length of time needed to create an emotional bond varies. Some people who are demisexual develop a close bond quickly, but others only develop a bond after several years of friendship with someone. The emotional bond doesn’t necessarily need to be a romantic feeling. The bond could just be a close friendship.
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/autosexuality.
Autosexuality
Autosexuality is a sexual orientation where people are more sexually attracted to themselves than others.
And as a finishing touch I shall provide one with a:

A Guide to 25 Different Types of Sexuality's

We covered a bunch of these already I'll just included them for completeness, and a bunch of these are in what we would call the "gray area" as in their pretty obscure and very much not very well known, or even fully accepted even.
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-sexuality/
Sexuality, or sexual orientation, refers to who someone is or is not attracted to. Most people are familiar with only the most common LGBTQ+ types, but numerous other less-known ones exist. Learning about these sexual orientations and romantic feelings can help you better understand the variety of ways people experience and identify their sexuality.

1. Allosexual

Allosexual refers to those who experience sexual attraction to others. Allosexual individuals can be bisexual, pansexual, queer, gay, lesbian, heterosexual, or so forth. Some note allosexual is the opposite of asexual.4

1. Allotroposexual

Allotroposexual is a relatively new term used to replace skoliosexual. It refers to individuals whose primary attraction is to transgender or non-binary individuals. The term does not refer to the fetish, sexualization, and objectification of trans people by cisgender individuals.

1. Androsexual

Androsexual individuals are attracted to masculinity regardless of the person’s sex or gender. For some, this could best be described as being attracted to masculine expression, presentation, or characteristics.

1. Asexual (Aces)

People who are asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others or have limited to little desire for sexual contact. It’s important to remember not all asexual folks are repulsed or refuse sex. People who identify as asexual don’t always experience no desire for romance and may have many successful relationships regardless of sexual contact.

1. Bicurious

Someone who is bicurious has historically been heterosexual, but is considering or curious about engaging in sexual activity with an individual who may have a sex or gender different than their partners in the past. The word “curious” should always be used instead of confused to help decrease the shame and stigma often associated with non-heterosexual activity.

1. Bisexual

A bisexual individual experiences sexual attraction to both sexes and genders. Recent research shows that the bisexual+ or bi+ (an identity label that encompasses all non-monosexual identities) female population in the US is larger than that of lesbians, gay men, and bi+ men combined.5

1. Ceterosexual

Ceterosexual is another term used to describe an individual who is attracted to transgender or nonbinary individuals. The term does not refer to the fetish, sexualization, and objectification of trans people by cisgender individuals.

1. Demisexual

A person who is demisexual often feels sexual attraction after building an emotional bond or connection with someone. Those who are demisexual note they do not feel immediately attracted to individuals based on looks, smell, and other features.

1. Fluid

Fluid individuals’ sexuality changes and is not fixed. Many folks can resonate with their sexuality being stable, but some feel their sexuality is ever-changing. Fluid individuals can also utilize other sexual orientation terms to describe themselves or may feel they do not resonate with any of them.

1. Gay

A gay man’s primary sexual attraction is to other men. This includes transgender men who are attracted to other men. Some have also used gay to refer to LGBTQ+ community as a whole.

1. Graysexual

Graysexual individuals don’t identify as asexual, but also feel less sexual attraction than most folks. Therefore, they fall into the gray area of sexuality. It can be helpful to think of asexuality as a spectrum and see graysexual as a part of this spectrum.

1. Gynosexual

Gynosexual individuals are attracted to femininity regardless of the person’s sex or gender. For some, this could best be described as being attracted to feminine expression, presentation, or characteristics.

1. Heterosexual

Those attracted to individuals of the opposite sex or gender are referred to as heterosexual or “straight.” For example a woman who is attracted to men. Cisgender, transgender, and non-binary folks can all identify as heterosexual.

1. Homosexual

Homosexuality refers to those who are attracted to individuals of the same sex or gender. For example, a woman who is attracted to women. Cisgender, transgender, and non-binary folks can all identify as homosexual. However, many now feel this term is a bit outdated and clinical. The term is also now heavily used by many anti-LGBT groups, making it less used by LGBTQ+ folks and allies.

1. Lesbian

A lesbian woman’s primary sexual attraction is to other women. This includes transgender women who are attracted to other women whether cisgender, transgender, or non-binary. There is a common misconception lesbian women are also transmen. Remember, sexuality and gender are not the same.

1. Libidoist Asexual

These individuals are asexual, but experience sexual feelings and satisfy these through self-stimulation or masturbation. As mentioned above, asexual people are not always completely avoidant of sexual attraction, feelings, or urges. For some, satisfying these needs is more pleasurable without a partner.

1. Monosexual

Mono means “one”. Monosexual individuals are sexually attracted to one sex or gender only. These folks could be heterosexual or homosexual. Monosexual people may use this term for many reasons, whether it be homosexual or heterosexual doesn’t feel right for them, or they just want to use a more inclusive term.

1. Multisexual

Multisexual individuals are attracted to multiple sexes or genders. Historically, this term has been used to include those who may have sex characteristics outside of male or female and also to be inclusive of trans folks.

1. Omnisexual

Individuals who are attracted to “all” individuals regardless of sex or gender often identify as omnisexual. Most LGBTQ+ folks grow up without language that represents their thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and because of this have to create their own. While terms’ meanings may sound similar to you, they hold importance to the person using them, and this should be respected.

1. Pansexual

People who identify as pansexual are attracted to individuals regardless of their sex or gender. The original term was first coined by Sigmund Freud as “pan-sexualism.” The term has come a long way and even has its own history of advocacy and activism.

1. Polysexual

Poly stems from the Greek prefix for “many,” so polysexual individuals are attracted to multiple or many genders or sexes. Some people assume polysexual is the same as polyamory, but they are not used interchangeably. Polysexual folks also do not always engage in polyamorous relationships.

1. Queer

Queer is an umbrella term used for those who are not heterosexual or cisgender. Queer was historically used as a slur to refer to LGBTQ+ individuals, but in recent years has been liberated and taken back by the community. It’s important to remember the history of the term and realize there are still some LGBTQ+ individuals who consider this term offensive or degrading. Therefore, it’s important to only use the term if someone has expressed comfort with it.

1. Sapiosexual

Sapiosexual individuals experience sexual attraction based on intelligence vs. sex or gender. Both LGBTQ+ folks and heterosexual folks can be sapiosexual. Sapiosexual individuals may also still find physical characteristics or qualities attractive, but it is not the most important.

1. Skoliosexual

Skoliosexual individuals are attracted to those who are transgender or non-binary. This term has become controversial in nature and is no longer a preferred term. Instead, the above terms of Allotroposexual and Ceterosexual are used.
The term does not refer to the fetish, sexualization, and objectification of trans people by cisgender individuals. However, it has been used in this way, putting trans folks in danger. The controversy also stems from the meaning of “scolio” which means “crooked,” “bent,” or “twisted” and carries negative connotations.6

1. Spectrasexual

Spectrasexual individuals are attracted to multiple sexes and genders, but not necessarily all or any. At times there can be some debate about the use of spectrasexual. Some people find the term problematic, as they feel it provides an avenue for certain folks to be discriminated against. Others feel it gives them the fluidity they desire.
And to end this all ( finally) I'm going to leave you all with some food for thought as to why there are so many people using "straight" on dating apps or just like during conversation.
https://boxmenswear.com/blogs/news/why-are-there-so-many-straight-guys-on-grindr
Youtube: Straight Men On Grindr
https://www.quora.com/Why-are-many-straight-people-on-Grindr
https://www.reddit.com/askgaybros/comments/zbvv7a/whats_your_opinion_on_straight_guys_on_grindr_are/
Oh yeah also.. I am not going to read anything here in the comment section. I said all I can say, need to say, could say, and wanted to say about the topic.
^{Omg its like 4:48 am...
\}edit] And I had to edit it because ofc it messed up the lists ,sometimes I hate you reddit.)

Hi all, I don't usually post in this sub because I don't like to see myself as transitioning later in life. I'll be 35 soon and I know that isn't "old" but it isn't young as well. I started transitioning in 2021 and hrt in '22, will be getting ffs later this year and hopefully srs next year. I feel like my dreams of transitioning and finally being myself are realizing, but then there are these other "life-wants" that I've had over many years that I think I'm getting further from them.
Some of those include: ever affording a home considering how expensive it is to transition and getting a good job is difficult (i had a good career and left because of discrimination, but I got a new one recently; though, now that I've had that experience I don't trust that anywhere is a safe place). I'd also like to date and get married (again, only do it right this time) but I feel like it's so hard to meet people the older I get and on top of that being trans in a red state in a rural area doesn't feel like I have many prospects. I'd also like have a better relationship with my family and wish they would be more understanding and accepting, but I'm the youngest in my family and they've been so isolated that I don't think my siblings or parents know anyone else in the LGBT community other than myself, and it seems like their perspective of a cisgender heteronormative world is pretty solidified.
How do you cope? What advice can you give me that might help me cheer up a little and maybe feel a little more hopeful for the future?

I was watching The Owl House with my grandmother (who is straight), and I wasn't sure what was going to happen. She doesn't hate gay people but she can still be kinda weird about it since it was so heavily censored throughout most of her life.
I don't remember what episode it was exactly but it was incredibly Lumity focused.
Anyway, right at the end of the episode it got to a part where it cut to Camilla and my grandmother suddenly asked "is that his mom?"
HIS mom. She thought Luz was a boy the entire time because of her short hair. She though Lumity was a STRAIGHT ship the ENTIRE time. I know it's small, but since TOH is such a great show for sapphic rep, the thought of Lumity being a hetero ship felt so insane that I didn't know wether to feel relieved that there was no awkwardness from watching a wlw show with her, or just completely blown away that the heteronormativity was so strong for her that she didn't realize Luz has a feminine voice, feminine clothes, and was referred to with she/her pronouns the entire episode.
It still kinda shocks my brain to think about ngl. Like, it never occured to her that Luz could be a girl. "Two people dating? Clearly a boy and a girl." Like that post that went viral of someone texting a family member a cartoon of two groundhogs in top hats kissing and the relative immediatly texted back, just stating their observation, completely unprompted, that the groundhogs must be a boy and a girl because they're kissing lol.