Researchers published in Nature found that beyond the initial 30 days of COVID-19 infection, patients experienced heightened risks and increased burdens of various gastrointestinal disorders even after one year. But there is hope.

I have been aware of the gut-lung connection for a long time, but it wasn’t until mid-2022 that I received manuscripts from case studies in my inbox as a peer reviewer for several international journals. Unfortunately, some early case studies couldn’t be published due to insufficient literature reviews. Nonetheless, I assisted several medical doctors, allowing them to collaborate with postdoctoral scientists in my circles to publish their papers with extensive literature reviews successfully. We know we have a growing literature thanks to the well-documented biochemistry of the gut.
Some exciting research developments occurred in late 2022 and early 2023. One particularly notable paper was published in Nature and another in Frontiers. While there were many others, these stood out for their impact, inspiring more scientists and clinicians to investigate the issue further and innovate new solutions, including healthy lifestyles and pharmaceuticals to improve the digestive system.
Initially, some medical professionals dismissed the connection between the lung and the digestive system, attributing symptoms to other causes and delaying research. The rejection and retraction of some papers was disheartening. However, thanks to the pioneering work of courageous scientists, the undeniable truth of this link and its potential mechanisms has been revealed. Many physicians publicly like this one on YouTube openly admit the correlation. There are also educational videos like this for practitioners.
In this story, rather than citing hundreds of papers, I will mainly summarize the key points from papers published in Nature and Frontiers and link some relevant and supportive papers defending the ideas presented in those papers as supplementary and informative records for those interested in details.
One of my key goals is to discuss how changes in gut microbiota affect susceptibility to COVID-19 and the progression of the disease, highlighting the biochemistry of the gut. I will also explore how interventions targeting gut microbiota could be used to treat COVID-19 in the future based on growing literature.
Summary of 2023 Paper on Nature: “Long-term gastrointestinal outcomes of COVID-19”
You can read the entire article for free using my friend link on Medium.
https://medium.com/illumination/the-striking-effects-of-covid-19-on-the-digestive-system-from-rigorous-studies-1e54a1790838?sk=v2%2Fe1fb0270-e373-4de1-8109-d76691ce08b8

Dreaming of a career abroad is often accompanied by visions of new experiences, exciting challenges, and personal growth. However, turning this dream into reality requires more than just aspirations; it demands dedicated time and effort. In today's fast-paced world, where working professionals juggle multiple responsibilities, finding the time to pursue international career opportunities can be a significant challenge. Yet, it is precisely this time investment that separates those who succeed in securing jobs abroad from those who struggle to make their aspirations a reality.

Understanding the Significance

The decision to work abroad is a major life choice that can have far-reaching implications. It involves researching potential destinations, understanding visa requirements, networking with professionals in your field, tailoring your resume and cover letter to international standards, and navigating the complexities of the job application process in foreign countries. Each of these steps requires careful consideration and dedicated effort. Simply put, finding a job abroad is not a passive endeavor; it requires proactive engagement and investment of time and energy.

Challenges Faced by Working Professionals

For many working professionals, finding the time to dedicate to an international job search can be daunting. Balancing the demands of a full-time job, family responsibilities, social commitments, and personal pursuits leaves little room for additional activities. The mere thought of adding job hunting to an already packed schedule can feel overwhelming. As a result, many individuals postpone or abandon their aspirations of working abroad, citing lack of time as the primary obstacle.

The Consequences of Inaction

However, succumbing to the constraints of time can have significant consequences for your career aspirations. Failing to dedicate time to finding jobs abroad not only prolongs the realization of your goals but also limits your professional growth and development. Opportunities for career advancement, exposure to new cultures and perspectives, and personal enrichment through international experiences remain out of reach for those who do not prioritize their international job search.

Overcoming Time Constraints

While it's undeniable that finding the time for an international job search can be challenging, it's not impossible. By adopting a strategic approach and making conscious choices about how you allocate your time, you can overcome these constraints and pursue your aspirations effectively. This may involve setting aside dedicated time each week for job hunting activities, leveraging technology and online resources to streamline the search process, seeking support from professional networks and job placement consultants, and prioritizing your career goals above other commitments.

The Reward of Persistence

Ultimately, the effort you invest in your international job search is a reflection of your commitment to your career aspirations. While it may require sacrifice and perseverance, the rewards of securing a job abroad are immeasurable. From the personal satisfaction of achieving your goals to the professional growth and enrichment that comes from working in a new environment, the benefits far outweigh the challenges. By recognizing the importance of dedicating time to your international job search and taking proactive steps to overcome time constraints, you can position yourself for success and open doors to a world of opportunities.
In conclusion, finding jobs abroad requires dedicated effort and time investment. While the challenges faced by working professionals in allocating time to their international job search are real, they are not insurmountable. By prioritizing your career goals, adopting a strategic approach, and persevering in the face of obstacles, you can increase your chances of securing employment overseas and embarking on a fulfilling global career journey. So, if you're ready to turn your dreams of working abroad into reality, start by dedicating the time and effort needed to make it happen.

I would like some outside perspectives as tensions are running high and I want to be fair. I will try to keep this as objective as I can. I know I have contributed to the strife as well. There is a lot and I want to provide relevant details so a general TL;DR is at the top and shorter TL;DRs provided at beginning of long sections in the details.
General TL;DR My (28F) friend (27F) I have known for 8 years moved in with me and my BF (28M) at the end of February because she was going through a rough time and we have had nothing but animosity in the last month or two mostly due to my friend/roommate being unable to sleep at night because my BF and I are night shifters and are active at night. She was well aware of this before moving in with us. There has been multiple issues outside of the sleep issue, generally surrounding her being aggressive, or conflict avoidant and a lack of communication. Should I try to diffuse tension and let her stay, if so how? Or should I encourage her to move out asap?
Details:
Background: TL;DR: my friend moved in with my BF and I because her mental health was declining.
I 28F and my boyfriend 28M broke our lease to move into a larger apartment in order to allow my friend, now roommate, to move in to help support her as she was going through a difficult time. My roommate and her husband were living with her father in law. She also has a daughter from a previous relationship that she has during the summers. She and FIL always butted heads over things like their items in common areas, food sharing etc. When she lost her job things worsened and after multiple "cool down" trips where she would come stay with us for a few days to a week we offered to have her move in with us, we live in a different state, in an attempt to step stone her and her husband into a place of their own in a lower cost of living area. Her husband stayed behind with is father to continue working his job until they saved up enough to move together. It was done urgently as her mental health was clearly deteriorating over the years with a steep decline in recent months. I paid all moving expenses, security deposit, all of rent and utilities as this is meant to help her save money to become independent.
Now an overview of events: In the two months of her moving in we have had multiple issues that have lead to tensions being near breaking in roughly chronological order. The last, number 9, is the most significant issue.

1. TL;DR BF and I 2v1 overruled her on which apartment to get. I believe this has started a trend of her not feeling like she has control on the decisions of the apartment.

When selecting the apartment we had the option of a second floor apartment or a first floor walk out patio apartment. Initially I was in favor of the first floor as was roommate. BF was strongly opposed after seeing the apartment, citing security risks regarding the patio door, the potential of our cats escaping directly outside instead of into a hallway et. al. I was swayed to the second floor and roommate was upset that we 2 vs 1 overruled her on which apartment to get. I feel like this has set a tone of her not feeling like she has say in apartment and may be contributing to later expressions of not feeling welcome.

1. There have been numerous occasions that she had made disparaging, snarky, sarcastic, judgemental comments towards my BF. They are small enough that an individual one could be dismissed but the pattern is upsetting. It has made us hesitant to initiate conversation as half the time it ended up insulting BFs intelligence, or insinuating he is lazy. If confronted on them she gets upset and storms off to her room. This has harmed communication and thus conflict resolution.
   
2. TL;DR: She is much more aggressive with disciplining our cats than I like.
   

She has nothing positive to say about our 3 cats. She was heavy handed with the discipline of them when they would jump on the kitchen counter etc. The two kittens clearly fear her as she would swat them and if they grumbled at all she would pin them to the floor until they stopped growling or hissing, frequently yelling at them while she did this. I told her to stop and she would roll her eyes. I told her husband I was upset about her treatment of the cats and she finally stopped, but has gone so far as to not interact with the cats at all. One of the cats took a bite out of the corner of a loaf of banana bread she made, the large majority was salvageable. I stayed up late until she woke up because i was afraid she would be borderline violent with the cats if she discovered it on her own given how she displines them when its not something that directly affected her. I brought the cats into my bedroom then I messaged her about the situation she came out and slam dunked the whole loaf into the trash and proceeded to stomp around as she got ready for work and left early. I never had the opportunity to discuss this with her after the incident.

1. TL;DR: We had a mild, sort of political, argument and she left the apartment for 7 hours, returning at 1am.

We had a discussion around groceries that got rather heated. I want to support a boycott but I was not going to force that on her. She asked for an item included in the boycott, I explained the boycott and asked if she was willing to go without or switch to generic for a while, she gave a non commital answer. I bought her the item she requested. The next day she asks about the boycott and discussion quickly devolved into raised voices, I got rather defensive because i felt she had an antagonistic tone with saying things like it was too small to be effective, its mis-targeted, pointless etc. This was right before I had to leave for work so there was not time to cool down the conversation before we had to separate. My BF made a comment about a statistic regarding the boycott after I left and she snapped at him with "i'm clearly not wanted here, burn my stuff, I'm going back to (home state)" and left the apartment and did not return for 7 hours. Her husband texts me while I'm at work through the night trying to find out what happened and play moderator. I apologized for my tone the following day. I did not get an apology in return.

1. TL;DR I have tried to initiate conversation and socialization around things not related to the functioning of the apartment and it has not been productive. I encouraged her to read a book series that I love before she moved in with the intention of fostering less stressful conversation. She read it, discussed it in depth with her husband but when I asked her about it I was given short sentences with very little to build a conversation on. After she moved in I bought her the first two books of another series by the same author to try to encourage another conversation topic. I do not know if she has even read them as she has not discussed them at all and it has coincided with her retreating more and more into her room. I encouraged her to watch a TV mini series that I enjoy as well, she watched it while I was asleep and we talked about it for maybe two minutes when I woke up. She hasn't talked about tv, movies, books etc that she enjoys recently for me to be able to get into something she likes to try for that connection either. I invited her to a board game night with my friends in an effort to hang out, hopefully gain her some friends, mend tensions. We end the night early with her in a depression spiral of "I'm stupid and I ruin everything" when she lost a couple games in a row and was not connecting with the people at the event.
   
2. She removed all of her items from the common area including kitchen appliances, decor, stuff pinned to the fridge etc. This also includes her disassembling three lego potted plants we let her build out of one of our sets and leaving the pieces in a ziploc bag on the bookcase. I genuinely don't know what we did this time to offend her and she has not provided explanation beyond "I don't feel wanted in the common areas"
   
3. TL;DR: I upset her by moving her laundry and dismissing her ideas during a conversation.
   

One night while I am at work I get a message from her husband asking "how are things going, it sounds like you kinda want her out of there?" I ask why she thinks that and he cites "I threw her clothes in front of her door." I placed her clothes that were in the dryer in my hamper and placed it next to her door in the hall because I did not want to interrupt her as I could hear she was on the phone. In the morning I find my hamper upside down well into my room. I think she threw it. I genuinely do not know what I should have done as I'm sure that if I had asked her to move her items it would have been interpreted as rude and demanding. Her husband also says I dismissed her ideas during a conversation regarding summer custody of her daughter and job options for my BF (His hours have been significantly reduced, only 1-2 nights a week, and we were considering applying to other jobs). I said he may be interested in one of her suggestions but did say he was unlikely to go for the others as well as one being a long shot for him to get. Roommate also remarked if having her daughter around for longer than the summer would be too much she could work on getting a place of her own earlier than originally planned. I rather bluntly said I didn't think it was a good idea to move out before they pay off her car as i am leaving the apartment. This conversation happened right before I had to go to work for the night and there was not an opportunity to have a fully in depth conversation.
8.She is giving me the cold shoulder. I have not gotten more than a two word reply in two weeks. I say hi when she comes home from work and I get no response. I ask "what are you making?" when she is cooking and she responds with "food" etc. I'm not sure what started this one or if it's a cumulative of sleep deprivation and her not feeling welcome.

1. TL;DR: This is the biggest stressor. She is a very light sleeper and we are night shifters, she can't sleep because we make too much noise. We have tried to accommodate to an extent but we will not be silent all night like she wants as we feel this will unfairly restrict our activities during the large majority of our active hours.

My BF and I are night shifters. While my BF only works 1-2 nights a week now he maintains the night schedule throughout the week. I am usually not home as I have picked up a lot of overtime to compensate for moving to a more expensive apartment and BF's decreased hours. She knew we were night shifters and has stayed with us before in our old apartment and has experienced sleeping during our normal activity schedule well before she moved in. She is a very light sleeper. She used to use recreational marijuana to help her sleep but we live in a state where it is not legal so she has stopped since moving in. The prescription meds she had to replace it upon the move have had side effects so she has stopped taking them. I took her to the CBD dispensary in town to get her the closest thing we could legally obtain to her previous sleep aid. I bought her black out curtains. I bought her a brand new bed, on my credit card to give her promotional pricing and to get it before she got a job here. Frankly, I have been scared to provoke another conflict by telling her she owes me $40 a month now that the bill is coming due and she has a job now. I bought her sound proofing foam panels to put up in her room, they were not used, eventually after a few weeks my BF and I put them up on the living room wall that is shared with her bedroom. None of this has apparently helped. She has focused this sleep deprived anger on my BF as he is the one home most often. I am not usually home to confirm his sound level but he says he is trying to be considerate, especially when he talks to his friends through video game chats. She has thrown things at the wall, yelled/screamed "shut up" and sent some vile texts to him, the worst one below. Quote: Roommate: What part of shut up do you not get? It means stop all the noises coming out of your mouth. I have not been able to sleep ever since you fking came back and have had no respect for me and my fking sleeping schedule. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not on my sleep meds anymore so your fking talking all fking night long is keeping me awake. Your fking voice grates on me so fking bad, just shut the fck up. Now I'm back in my mental hell all because of you. So thank you for making me a fking btch. If this is the only way to shut you up then fine by me, I'll be a grumpy btch. Shut! The! F*ck! Up!
He has gone to bed in the middle of the night numerous times in order to give her silence she desires, messing up his own sleep schedule. Two nights ago I was off work. She had not said a word to us or given any indication that she wss going to bed. We were talking at a normal volume and she threw something at the wall. We were very quiet for about half an hour to an hour to try to let her fall asleep. We started talking again. I made some popcorn, the microwave is almost the furthest point from her room so I thought it would be fine. We talked for a while then she screamed "shut up". We turned on our box fan to give some white noise and were talking in a quieter tone. She texts me to turn the fan off because it's too loud. So my BF and I just pack up and leave the apartment for a couple hours only to get a text from her husband Quote: Roommate's husband: Are you ok? (Roommate) said she couldn't sleep so I called her then next I know she's yelling shut up and you and (BF) are heading out the door
OP: We left to give her the silence she so aggressively requested.
We came back, tiptoed around and said nothing in above a whisper and haven't heard her since beyond some slamming stuff around in the kitchen when she was getting ready for work the next afternoon. We both worked the following night so she was left alone and we did errands and such to stay away from the apartment until it was time for us to go to bed.
Discussion: Clearly we are not compatible living together under the current circumstances. Is it better to try to stick it out and attempt mend the relationship so she can stay until she is more stable? Or should I encourage her to move out as soon as possible knowing it will be to her financial detriment and hope to mend the friendship after a few months of separation? I came into this wanting to help a friend I've known for years and our friendship dissolved in a matter of two months, is it worth rebuilding? How? Is it too early to call this experiment of her moving in a failure?

Hello!
I'm the co-founder and CEO of Fina Money. Today, I'm thrilled to introduce this unique product to you, in a formal way, :). I hope some of you will find it useful and love it.
There are numerous personal finance tools available, so why choose Fina?
The core strength of Fina is its flexibility. This fully customizable system allows you to create your own financial tracking for a personalized experience. Whether you're managing personal finances, tracking family budgets, monitoring your business, or sharing a tracking method with your community, Fina makes it easier than ever before!
For a concise pitch, we sometimes refer to Fina as the "Notion for Finance". Starting with a variety of templates, you can customize your app using our AI-driven document interface. Simply type a question to get the results you want.
My team has spent nearly a year developing this product to ensure it's fast, simple, and flexible, striking a balance between power and user experience. We understand that there's still work to be done, such as implementing smart notifications, developing a mobile app, planning for the future, and adding formula calculation to eliminate the need for a spreadsheet.
Fina Essential has arrived! To ensure wider accessibility, we've established two pricing plans:

1. Essential Tier at $5/month (this only covers the cost).
2. Premium Tier at $12/month.

Both options include a 7-day free trial.
When it comes to flexibility, here are a few examples:

1. You can organize all your accounts into multiple profiles. Each profile can have its own set of categories and rules. For instance, you might have profiles like Personal, Parents, and Business.
2. You can set up budgets for a single category, a group of categories, or in many other ways. Check out this pre-built template for basic budgeting.
3. A Fina Page is just a document where you can arrange your insights, numbers, or notes in any format. You can share a page with others safely or import a page shared by others with ease.
4. You can customize and style any numbers or charts according to your preferences, including color, palette, and threshold.

Join us at Fina Money for a new approach to managing your finances. With Fina Money, managing your money is not only simple but also empowering. Try Fina Money today and take a step towards improved financial control: https://fina.money.
I'm a frequent visitor of this sub, AMA if you have any questions...

Hello!
I'm the co-founder and CEO of Fina Money. In a few weeks, we will be launching it publicly. Today, I'm thrilled to introduce this unique product to you. I hope some of you will find it useful and love it.
There are numerous personal finance tools available, so why choose Fina?
The core strength of Fina is its flexibility. This fully customizable system allows you to create your own financial tracking for a personalized experience. Whether you're managing personal finances, tracking family budgets, monitoring your business, or sharing a tracking method with your community, Fina makes it easier than ever before!
For a concise pitch, we sometimes refer to Fina as the "Notion for Finance". Starting with a variety of templates, you can customize your app using our AI-driven document interface. Simply type a question to get the results you want.
My team has spent nearly a year developing this product to ensure it's fast, simple, and flexible, striking a balance between power and user experience. We understand that there's still work to be done, such as implementing smart notifications, developing a mobile app, planning for the future, and adding formula calculation to eliminate the need for a spreadsheet.
Fina Essential has arrived! To ensure wider accessibility, we've established two pricing plans:

1. Essential Tier at $5/month (this only covers the cost).
2. Premium Tier at $12/month.

Both options include a 7-day free trial.
When it comes to flexibility, here are a few examples:

1. You can organize all your accounts into multiple profiles. Each profile can have its own set of categories and rules. For instance, you might have profiles like Personal, Parents, and Business.
2. You can set up budgets for a single category, a group of categories, or in many other ways. Check out this pre-built template for basic budgeting.
3. A Fina Page is just a document where you can arrange your insights, numbers, or notes in any format. You can share a page with others safely or import a page shared by others with ease.
4. You can customize and style any numbers or charts according to your preferences, including color, palette, and threshold.

Join us at Fina Money for a new approach to managing your finances. With Fina Money, managing your money is not only simple but also empowering. Try Fina Money today and take a step towards improved financial control: https://fina.money
AMA if you have any questions...

I know a few people consider others to be better than him like Kubrick, Kurosawa, Ford, Ozu, Tarkovsky, etc.
But I will quickly argue why Steven Spielberg really is better than all of them (not just as a director but an all round motion picture artist, producer, director, creator).

1. He made Schindler's list and Jurassic Park in the same year! One is the second biggest blockbuster of 1990s and very good and entertaining film and the other one is one of the most important, realest films about the holocaust that is actually based on a true story and is actually hopeful even in the horrifying time of WW2[Oskar Schindler and his wife Emilie Schindler are are awarded Righteous Among Nations honor by Israel]. That is some feat that no director can match - https://youtu.be/diES3cFBG6Q Paul Thomas Anderson, Christopher Nolan, Denis Villeneuve consider him a master filmmaker. Denis Villeneuve loved Spielberg's recent work - The Fabelmans. Did you know that Bergman, Aldrich, Polanski, Herzog, PT Anderson, Peter Jackson, Scorsece, Truffaut, Renoir love Spielberg? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Spielberg#Legacy (I actually did not know that)
2. Spielberg is the extremely versatile as he has created films of different genres and those genres are very different from each other. So, Jaws (Thriller, action), E.T (sci-fi, children's movie), Indiana Jones (action-adventure), Schindler's list (historical, biographical), Saving Private Ryan (WW2, action, gritty realism), Jurassic Park (not sure if it is sci-fi fantasy or what), West Side Story (musical), Catch me if you can (crime comedy-drama), Adventures of Tintin (animated, action-adventure), The Fablemans (semi-autobiography), The Post (political thriller), Munich(spy action, thriller).
3. Spielberg is THE highest grossing director along with creating one of the greatest television miniseries - Band of Brothers (probably the greatest). Not only that, his production companies went on to create The Pacific (tv mini series, a companion piece to Band of Brothers), Back to the future (movie), and if that is not enough, then consider that he created the story of Medal of Honor (the original), a playstation 1 first person shooter game that was an acclaimed game that led to a big franchise and this game series had massively influenced Call of Duty. So, Spielberg not only directed some of the greatest films that people still watch and love but also created and produced other great films by other filmakers like Clint Eastwood and created and produced greatest tv miniseries and video game series. Spielberg launched two big franchises like Jurassic Park and Medal of Honor. His production companies created and produced films from animation to WW2 films. Sam Mendes worked with his DreamWorks Pictures to create 1917, Road To Perdition (two of my favorite films).
4. The impact of Jurassic Park was seismic such that even my parents, who are Indian and generally only watch Indian films and tv shows, know Jurassic Park (the original... not just the franchise). Kurosawa, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Kubrick, Ford's films are not so well known in poor countries to non-film buffs people. But Spielberg's few movies are actually loved by people from multiple different countries from the developing countries to the developed countries and that is no easy feat. Did I mention that Saving Private Ryan massively influenced Nolan (Dunkirk), Tarantino (Inglorious bastards), Eastwood(Flags of our fathers), and Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)? Saving Private Ryan also renewed interest in WW2 stories (some of them real life stories that need to be told). The two points below are more personal and ideological.
5. I don't know any director that is like Spielberg. Spielberg is the most successful. I think, to a libertarian capitalist like me, just the fact that this guy is STILL the highest grossing director in motion picture business would be alone enough to make a capitalist like me say that he is the best! But Spielberg is also business savvy and successful in launching production companies that have produced lots of good works and blockbusters and that pretty much tells me that HE MUST BE THE BEST. Now, I know popularity does not equal "good" to artists and snobs and intellectuals in the academia. But money does speak though. And the fact that this guy creates blockbusters that are also well made shows that he is a rare type who can deliver quality AND quantity. To me, Spielberg is the Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Schubert of motion picture because he makes films loved by everyone (including the masses and the snobs... at least some snobs if not all snobs)! Just like Beethoven and Mozart's music is something that even a poor illiterate peasant can love, Spielberg's films are something that are loved by the poor and the rich alike and even those who are film-buffs and filmmakers. Come on, you got to consider the fact that a large amount of people love him AND he is an excellent family friendly director!
6. Personally, the fact that Spielberg's has such good, optimistic or positive themes make me love him more than other directors with their nihilism and coldness like Kubrick - " One of his[Spielberg's] most pertinent themes revolves around "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances."[324][336] The ordinary people often have limitations, but they succeed in becoming a "hero".[336] A consistent theme in his family-friendly work is a childlike sense of wonder and faith, and "the goodness in humanity will prevail."[336] He has also explored the importance of childhood, loss of innocence, and the need for parental figures.[337] In exploring the parent-child relationship, there is usually a flawed or irresponsible father figure. This theme personally resonates with Spielberg's childhood.[338] Exploring extraterrestrial life is another aspect to his work. Spielberg described himself as like an "alien" during childhood,[339] and this interest came from his father, a science fiction fan.[340] " - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Spielberg#Method_and_themes

So, that is why he is the BEST and the GOAT in the motion picture field.

In the summer of last year, I (24M) befriended a brand new coworker (21F) at my job of three years. We’d been texting each other for weeks, even during a point at which I was quarantined for Covid. We’d kept our chats cordial and friendly, as she was in a long-term relationship at the time. Two months into our friendship, she casually mentioned via text that she had BPD (which I had very little knowledge of at the time) and linked it to her recurring panic attacks. As we continued to text, she even began sending me selfies and asking for opinions on her hairstyles/outfits of the day, which I treated as normal.
In the fall season, she confided in me, and asked for input from others, that she and her boyfriend were having troubles due to his alcoholism and narcissistic behavior. Admittedly, I think an interest from my end began to spark but I still thought it was right to offer advice to her and console her on it to get him help. However, right before they broke up and right after, our texts became phone calls/face time calls, and we started having lunch/dinners together one-on-one.
Three weeks after their breakup, I invited her out to the movies. And the night before our meeting , she surprisingly asked me if it was meant to be a hangout or a date. I took a chance and admitted that I wanted the latter based on our interactions up to that point. The following day, she responded early in the morning that she didn’t feel the same and just wanted a “guy friend” with no romantic interest or motive while saying it’s hard for her to have a male friend when they become interested . She later texted again in the evening saying that she hoped wasn’t too harsh and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. I gave her a paragraph response apologizing if I misconstrued our interactions, cited her good qualities, reassured her of not doing anything for my sole purposes, and asked her if we could still be friends. She responded ecstatically and said she would love to still be friends even if it meant a little space from that moment. A day later, we talked over the phone and she cried because of dealing with the aftermath of the breakup. Ever since then, we’d been talking for 1hr+ on the phone almost every night, meeting for lunch or dinner and hanging out. I also got her Christmas gifts in the form of a self-help book, an emotional support trinket, and a custom Christmas card from a show she introduced me to. Days after Christmas, she bought me a shirt while we were shopping together.
We slowed down a bit in January since she had just transferred to university. Our conversations weren’t as frequent, but they still felt intimate. I know we were just friends, but signals were giving me the impression of supposedly rising interest: she’d send me selfies frequently, we had dinner together on New Year’s Day, we started saying “I love you” over the phone and via text, we praised and complimented each other, we turned on read receipts for each other and she wanted me to go with her to see one of her favorite bands perform while also suggesting that we could spend the night while traveling. At this point, it felt like I was on the cusp of successfully finding mutual love, and my first ever relationship.
However, things took a left turn. In mid-to-late January, we hadn’t spoken for a few days. Then one evening, she texted and apologized for not reaching out the past few days, said she was having a hard time, and hoped I was doing well. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, but she never responded. When I tried chatting with her at work, she shockingly told me that I make her uncomfortable and cited several instances, and I apologized to each one while feeling so confused. Later that night, I sent a thorough apology via text and couldn’t sleep until she responded the following morning. She thanked me for everything I said and said that she just needed space rn. And I did just that until I caved in days later at work and asked if we could still greet each other because of how weird it felt, and she agreed. However, I didn’t greet her or say anything else to her because I felt like I pressured her to interact when she didn’t want to. Weeks later, I found out that she went to HR. I spoke with investigators and gave them the honest truth from my point of view, though I didn’t mention BPD because I felt it wouldn’t make a difference as they’d still have to investigate the claims. They were intrigued by the fact that I hadn’t spoken to her in weeks, meaning the report wasn’t immediately made after the split. After a few more weeks, the investigation concluded and I was found innocent. She quit shortly after to go work at a restaurant (which seemed off to me because she always spoke about having an eating disorder and not wanting to work around food).
I was guilt-stricken for the better part of a month because I was so convinced I’d done or said something wrong. A strong support system consisting of friends and coworkers were able to console me and emotionally comfort me. It was only after speaking with another co-worker, a female friend of hers that she discarded, that I realized that BPD was the absolute factor in why we “fell apart.” She’d cut off communication with her friend for the most ridiculous reason I’d heard. And from both our perspectives, we discovered a pattern of lies, toxic behavior, and over-exaggerations. It absolved me of my inner guilt, but it hasn’t stopped me from caring about her as a person. My emotions go from pity and sadness one day to anger and resentment the next — in rotation. I worry because her self-sabotaging behavior is painful to hear or think about, especially when I was told that the faith-based therapist she sees isn’t even BPD-specialized and she feeds her lies. I remember when we met last year, she seemed more normal and regulated, but then I think the breakup exacerbated her symptoms. Now, she quit her restaurant job, joined social media (which she was against before), and she keeps visiting our workplace at least one day every week (which I think is because she’s basically friendless, only a handful of my coworkers interact with her while others don’t care for her or resent her for her actions towards me). The anxiety of seeing her makes my heart race and gives me a bad cough each time she’s in the area. I’ve been reading “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and plan to start “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me” right after. I’m altruistic and wish I could give support to some kind of recovery, yet I get that fixing her was never my responsibility nor should it be, but it just pains me almost everyday thinking how there’s little to no trust now, anyone else without knowledge of context or the factors would see it as black and white, and there’s just no chance of things being right ever again. It’s so haunting how this can happen even when we’re both so young. The past months have been like seeing a loved one on drugs, or as her former friend put it, “Grieving someone who’s still alive.”

I know a few people consider others to be better than him like Kubrick, Kurosawa, Ford, Ozu, Tarkovsky, etc.
But I will quickly argue why Steven Spielberg really is better than all of them (not just as a director but an all round motion picture artist, producer, director, creator).

1. He made Schindler's list and Jurassic Park in the same year! One is the second biggest blockbuster of 1990s and very good and entertaining film and the other one is one of the most important, realest films about the holocaust that is actually based on a true story and is actually hopeful even in the horrifying time of WW2[Oskar Schindler and his wife Emilie Schindler are are awarded Righteous Among Nations honor by Israel]. That is some feat that no director can match - https://youtu.be/diES3cFBG6Q Paul Thomas Anderson, Christopher Nolan, Denis Villeneuve consider him a master filmmaker. Denis Villeneuve loved Spielberg's recent work - The Fabelmans. Did you know that Bergman, Aldrich, Polanski, Herzog, PT Anderson, Peter Jackson, Scorsece, Truffaut, Renoir love Spielberg? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Spielberg#Legacy (I actually did not know that)
2. Spielberg is the extremely versatile as he has created films of different genres and those genres are very different from each other. So, Jaws (Thriller, action), E.T (sci-fi, children's movie), Indiana Jones (action-adventure), Schindler's list (historical, biographical), Saving Private Ryan (WW2, action, gritty realism), Jurassic Park (not sure if it is sci-fi fantasy or what), West Side Story (musical), Catch me if you can (crime comedy-drama), Adventures of Tintin (animated, action-adventure), The Fablemans (semi-autobiography), The Post (political thriller), Munich(spy action, thriller).
3. Spielberg is THE highest grossing director along with creating one of the greatest television miniseries - Band of Brothers (probably the greatest). Not only that, his production companies went on to create The Pacific (tv mini series, a companion piece to Band of Brothers), Back to the future (movie), and if that is not enough, then consider that he created the story of Medal of Honor (the original), a playstation 1 first person shooter game that was an acclaimed game that led to a big franchise and this game series had massively influenced Call of Duty. So, Spielberg not only directed some of the greatest films that people still watch and love but also created and produced other great films by other filmakers like Clint Eastwood and created and produced greatest tv miniseries and video game series. Spielberg launched two big franchises like Jurassic Park and Medal of Honor. His production companies created and produced films from animation to WW2 films. Sam Mendes worked with his DreamWorks Pictures to create 1917, Road To Perdition (two of my favorite films).
4. The impact of Jurassic Park was seismic such that even my parents, who are Indian and generally only watch Indian films and tv shows, know Jurassic Park (the original... not just the franchise). Kurosawa, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Kubrick, Ford's films are not so well known in poor countries to non-film buffs people. But Spielberg's few movies are actually loved by people from multiple different countries from the developing countries to the developed countries and that is no easy feat. Did I mention that Saving Private Ryan massively influenced Nolan (Dunkirk), Tarantino (Inglorious bastards), Eastwood(Flags of our fathers), and Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)? Saving Private Ryan also renewed interest in WW2 stories (some of them real life stories that need to be told). The two points below are more personal and ideological.
5. I don't know any director that is like Spielberg. Spielberg is the most successful. I think, to a libertarian capitalist like me, just the fact that this guy is STILL the highest grossing director in motion picture business would be alone enough to make a capitalist like me say that he is the best! But Spielberg is also business savvy and successful in launching production companies that have produced lots of good works and blockbusters and that pretty much tells me that HE MUST BE THE BEST. Now, I know popularity does not equal "good" to artists and snobs and intellectuals in the academia. But money does speak though. And the fact that this guy creates blockbusters that are also well made shows that he is a rare type who can deliver quality AND quantity. To me, Spielberg is the Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Schubert of motion picture because he makes films loved by everyone (including the masses and the snobs... at least some snobs if not all snobs)! Just like Beethoven and Mozart's music is something that even a poor illiterate peasant can love, Spielberg's films are something that are loved by the poor and the rich alike and even those who are film-buffs and filmmakers. Come on, you got to consider the fact that a large amount of people love him AND he is an excellent family friendly director!
6. Personally, the fact that Spielberg's has such good, optimistic or positive themes make me love him more than other directors with their nihilism and coldness like Kubrick - " One of his[Spielberg's] most pertinent themes revolves around "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances."[324][336] The ordinary people often have limitations, but they succeed in becoming a "hero".[336] A consistent theme in his family-friendly work is a childlike sense of wonder and faith, and "the goodness in humanity will prevail."[336] He has also explored the importance of childhood, loss of innocence, and the need for parental figures.[337] In exploring the parent-child relationship, there is usually a flawed or irresponsible father figure. This theme personally resonates with Spielberg's childhood.[338] Exploring extraterrestrial life is another aspect to his work. Spielberg described himself as like an "alien" during childhood,[339] and this interest came from his father, a science fiction fan.[340] " - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Spielberg#Method_and_themes

So, that is why he is the BEST and the GOAT in the motion picture field.
​

21M with autism/Asperger's (diagnosed), depression (diagnosed), and possible BPD (suspected by psychologist) uncertain of type here. Virtually every test I have taken doesn't give an exact match to any type in terms of the rank ordering of cognitive functions (8! = 40320 >> 16); most tests seem to say xNTP. My Fi appears to me to be far stronger than either of these types classically has, although still not quite as strong as Ti. I tend to identify most with type descriptions of the ENTP (socionics-wise ILE, enneagram-wise 4w5 sx/so); secondarily with INTP, ENFP, and INFP (in that order).
My upbringing involved a substantial amount of school-related trauma; however, my parents were highly secular, laissez-faire, and encouraged my early interests in literature and the sciences. As a child I was abused in school and checked out mentally 99% of the time, yet outside the classroom proved quite capable in areas that could have benefited me within it had I cared. I created a JSTOR account to read paleontological papers and monographs -- in the process discovering several new species on digs, which I donated to my local museum -- and had a professor tell me that I knew more than his graduate students as a nine-year-old. I was pulled out of school in fourth grade, read my father's college chemistry textbooks, and begin doing experiments in the backyard. My parents were perfectly fine with my attempts (and eventual success) at designing novel explosives. I abhorred math until I read an email from a teacher citing the discrepancy in my performance between it and verbal subjects, which prompted me to self-study with online resources. I taught myself calculus when I was 11 before falling in love with the subject.
I am now studying to be a mathematics professor at university, where I began doing graduate work at 15. Recently, I've found myself struggling to maintain interest in pure math, given that ultra-niche specialization is the field's general (but not absolute) paradigm rather than networking knowledge. I don't want to introject an advisor's preference for, say, spending every day of his life working on infinity-categories with no reference to the real world and resign myself to aping it. I'd much rather have the freedom to do whatever I damn well please, including pure math, applied math, physics, biochemistry, paleontology, poetry, music, origami, painting, writing fiction, linguistics, philosophy, hell -- even critical theory.
How I'd feel spending an entire weekend by myself would depend on the weekend. Sometimes I prefer to completely immerse myself in novel information to see how it interconnects, but more often I enjoy honing my ideas through debate. I retreated from people as a teenager, struggling with psychological issues and substance abuse, but the necessity of conversation is an integral part of who I am. A frequent criticism I have encountered as far back as I can recall is that I never shut up.
I enjoy physical activities as a natural complement to mental ones. When I am more depressed, I tend to lose interest in both. Judo and anything outdoors both revitalize me.
Curiosity is the most salient feature of my personality. If it's in any way stifled, I readily become depressed. There are no qualitative limits in the breadth of it -- virtually any topic is fair game. This becomes problematic whenever I need to focus on a specific project, because I'm constantly reminded of how it relates to other things. For the specifics of interests, cf. above and below. My ideas are primarily but not exclusively conceptual, although many of these concepts derive (ultimately) from the real world. I would say that my understanding of the respective limitations of observation and symbolic systems is well balanced.
When I assume positions of leadership, I appreciate the freedom to bring my ideas to fruition. I do not appreciate responsibility for the errors of others, or how they might slow my working process down in a way that doesn't apply when simply bouncing ideas off them. In general, I have been characterized as a good (if nitpicking and critical) leader.
My fine motor coordination is far superior to my gross motor coordination. I have zero difficulty with complex origami, shading a charcoal drawing exactly as I visualize it in my mind's eye, soldering a PCB, or other crafts. Conversely, I often bump into things or trip over my own shoes, which difference I attribute to concentration/how much I care.
I consider myself very artistic. To me there is no hard line between art and science, so I frequently find myself approaching scientific problems in an artistic way or artistic challenges in a scientific way. I compose, play electric guitar, write poetry and short stories, draw with charcoal, design and fold origami, and occasionally paint.
Regarding past, present, and future, I live in the present while fretting about the other two.
If I'm asked to help with something, I first evaluate if I'm being conned (with the level of trust depending on the person), but usually do so if I see no reason not to. I particularly enjoy making learning new things interesting for others, which is one reason to become a professor.
Novelty in life is more important than routine, but a logical consistency to my actions (that is, that they are not contradictory or hypocritical) is important, and it irritates me to no end when others behave illogically or inconsistently.
Productivity is important insofar as it confers a sense of novelty, but not for its own sake. I'd rather investigate new ideas than meet a quota.
In the past I have been accused of emotional manipulation, which may be true, but which seems to be the only way to operate in the world as it is; you can't exactly expect someone you disagree with to change his mind unless he thinks it's his own idea to do so.
I've listed some of my hobbies above. Others include mountain-climbing, learning foreign languages (including dead ones like Sanskrit and Latin), and solving puzzles. The hobbies I like generally expose me to new, intense experiences and/or provide avenues for interdisciplinary thought.
Although I consider learning styles to be pseudoscience (which, as with Jungian cognitive functions, doesn't imply zero value to the individual in interpreting them; it implies they're not objectively falsifiable), the common way to describe this would be a mixture of auditory and visual learning. I despise memorization and prefer a mixture of analytical and creative thought. Bonus points for being able to argue my case or approach the subject from several directions.
I am good at strategizing in the abstract (e.g. in a chess game) but terrible at implementing plans. "First contact with the enemy" for me is first contact with reality. I improvise everything and constantly procrastinate.
My aspirations include being able to do fundamental research in areas of my choosing, which will likely shift rapidly from field to field, communicating abstract topics to the general public in a way that is engaging without sacrificing informativeness, and to promote social changes I believe are necessary for the continued survival of humanity (on issues such as AI, bioengineering, and climate change). Richard Feynman is a personal idol.
My (twin) greatest fears/bugbears/hatreds are human irrationality and human apathy. I do not believe that humans are fundamentally good, quite the opposite. A tremendous degree of often irreparable harm is done by ignorant, conservative, closed-minded people who care so little for others or for logical validity that they don't bother to think more cogently or compassionately.
"Highs" in my life are caused by self-actualization, freedom, intellectual stimulation, and social environments where these needs are met. They present as outgoingness, extreme energy verging on hypomania, and a compulsive drive to generate new ideas. "Lows" in my life are caused by the absence of these factors. They manifest as lethargy, depression, misanthropy, withdrawal from others and from projects, "clinging" to specific people, wallowing in pain, addiction, drive for excessive unhealthy stimulation, a kind of persecution-fetishizing covert narcissism, self-indulgence, and forming broad judgments about society. Sometimes I pick on my own insecurities. For instance, I know my IQ is around 170 from testing as both a child and an adult, but I used to take many different experimental cognitive assessments to "prove" what I already knew but couldn't accept.
I daydream incessantly and frequently lose all awareness of my surroundings, even if someone is speaking directly to me.
If I am alone in a blank, empty room with nothing to do and nobody to talk to, it will probably take about five seconds for it to start driving me mad. I'd be thinking about how to escape.
I put off important decisions so that I don't have too much time to vacillate, which I inevitably do anyway. Changing my mind is inescapable.
Emotions are very... uhh... do I say important or not? I don't believe that it is possible to make decisions without both emotions and logic -- emotions to provide a hierarchy of values that can be used in evaluating the preferability of outcomes, and logic to evaluate the paths to those outcomes. I have a very intense emotional experience, which I frequently cannot control. In the past I have sometimes wished I could entirely eliminate my emotions. Authenticity is important to me, but the experience is overwhelming, and I am unduly impulsive. I appeal first to logic on considered decisions but never fail to consult my values.
In general, if I disagree with someone I'll make it clear. This has led to the blowtorching of multiple relationships where I was entirely unwilling to back down in an argument. I might nod along in a casual conversation, but once a disagreement begins I do not know when to quit.
I constantly break any and all rules I disagree with, because I believe it would be idiocy not to. In my opinion, all authority should be questioned. Authority rests on the fluctuating foundation of reasonability, not the other way around.
Bonus points: my sense of humor consists of sarcastic quips, puns, dark post-irony, morbid shock value, ribaldry, and obscure references. The rest are clear enough, but an example of the last category would be randomly interjecting that Bedrich Smetana's last name means "sour cream" in a conversation that has nothing to do with classical music or dairy products. Absurdism, Dadaism, and surrealism all appeal to me. My tastes in anything cultural (such as music, art, and literature) are highly eclectic -- from Dead Can Dance to Scriabin to Cannibal Corpse and Animals as Leaders, from Seurat and Monet to Magritte, from Homer to Ted Chiang and Greg Egan.

It was my first full time job out of college. Started as an internship my senior year and kept with it. Worked at the shelter for 6 years. Held multiple different roles, but was pretty much always in the shelter. Also went to support people getting forensic exams after SA at a few hospitals as needed.

I've been on poker for >10 years and play poker full time. I've met some friends on poker, enjoyed a lot of content and hopefully posted some content that other people have enjoyed. I want to thank all the people who have been a part of the community in particular the mods who do vast (mostly hidden) work for nothing.
I have seen a couple of posts this week asking questions wrt why the subreddit is like this / why the mod situation is like this, I want to maybe give some insight into why things are the way they are:
Q1: Why don't mods do XYZ?
In short, mod actions are an effort, you don't see most mod actions and nobody gets paid to do this.
Most mod activities are massively harder than users would expect. Mod energy is limited but the ability of users to write garbage is unlimited. Even relatively simple promos eg. the RIO giveaway are a giant effort because the average user requires a vast amount of hand holding for something as simple as opening a RIO account and sending me their email address. I would literally be doing 10 messages back and forth with users trying to hold their hand to get them a free month of run it once membership which felt like teaching a 4 year old calculus.
Mod actions will inevitably be somewhat inconsistent and depend on the mod because this isn't the supreme court, this is just a handful of poker players who take time out of their day to try and make the community a better place. Nobody wants to wade through 20 comments of 2 guys calling each other retards to make a perfect judgement as to who was rude first. I will get messages where someone complains about being banned for being incredibly rude, and then cites someone else being rude 6 months ago as some kind of legal precedent 'gotcha' as if this is meaningful. I'm not sure what these people hope happens when they message me this.
What users do not realise is that poker is actually mostly spam for app clubs and online slots, you simply don't get to see this because mods are banning spam posts every day for the last 10 years. If there had never been moderation then probably 90% of the latest posts would be adverts for app games / casinos.
Let me repeat: Nobody is paid to be a mod, its just people who take time out of their day to try and build a better community.
One huge issue is that there are not enough active mods and there are new users every day who post low effort content / nonsense. We need more mods.
Q2: Why isn't XYZ banned?
The balance between over / under moderating is quite tricky. There are forums like askhistorians where if you go comment you will probably see your comment muted / banned / deleted immediately because the mods expect comments that are the equivalent of a grad level essay with multiple citations. Any jokes: immediate ban. Any shitposts: immediate ban. Any comments with opinions not well reasoned / sourced: immediate ban. poker is not like this. Most users do not want poker to be like this. I believe the vast majority of users prefer a fairly hands off approach where obvious spam eg. app club adverts are removed, but new users / complete idiots are free to post low effort content and give bad advice. poker has a ton of new poker players / terrible poker players who are still struggling with basic concepts like hand rankings. You really REALLY want guys who don't know if a straight beats a flush to stick around in the poker world. That means allowing them to post their noob questions / give bad HH advice.
WRT snowmonkey: I've always seen him as a fairly one dimensional low effort troll. I regularly see incorrect, misinformed, absurdly thirsty or downright bizarre comments by other users so never really paid much attention to the ones from SM. I don't have an issue with just permabanning him though, he doesn't really add anything IMO and he seems to be winding people up. Might come back to this once I've woken up.
Something users should really be utilising more is the block feature.
Q3: Why is poker mostly low effort / low content posts?
poker is what users make it, not what mods make it. If people post memes, its full of memes. If people post strategy, its full of strategy. If people shitpost, its full of shitposts. If you want better content then post better content, don't complain that other people are posting content you don't like. Be the change you want to see in the world.
We could use some more mods, if you have been posting regularly on poker for >1 year and would like to have a go then comment below.
Many thanks everyone, run good.

Hi guys, just a warning huge rant incoming.
My (F30) nmum and I have had little to no contact for the last few months, following an in-person conversation where I told her plain and clear that I wished to severely limit contact due to feeling like she lies to me, manipulates me and tries to find ways to exert control over my life. At the time all she could articulate was something along the lines " are you SURE you're feeling this way because of something I've done?" or "Are you SURE I hurt you? Can you give me more examples?". It was especially hard cutting contact because I've lost my dad during early childhood and became very close (verging on codependent really) to my mum. I only realised her narcisism after moving out and living with my kind, respectful partner for over 5 years, almost 3 years of therapy and many frustrating and confusing arguments.
Recently there was a family holiday and I dropped her a message (she texted my on my birthday and I did the same on hers, so I thought this would be ok), to which she replied in a normal way, but then hours later she sends these huge walls of text basically saying she's been very sad and the distance between us has been hard, and that she still doesn't understand why I'm "punishing" her by limiting contact in this way. Then went on with the classic "I've always loved you and provided for you, I'm not perfect but I don't think I did anything bad enough to deserve this" which she also tried when we last talked in person.
At this point i started to doubt myself for a bit, only to snap out a few seconds later thinking "wait a moment, I've told her this before, she's just deflecting or playing dumb" and got EXTREMELY angry at her attempt to manipulate me. I felt like replying with one single clown emoji but reminded myself I want to go about this respectfully, so I sat on these feelings for a couple of days but ultimately decided to respond, clearly stating that:
1) I had already told her why, but would repeat once more so it was utterly clear
2) That I limited contact because she exhibits many narc tendencies ( and explicitly cited the ones she excels at, the most obvi being a lack of honest introspection and accountability). Note that I didn't say she had NPD, and even prefaced it with "I can't diagnose anyone, not a therapist"
3) That cutting contact wasn't a punishment on her, it was a boundary i had to establish on order to keep my peace of mind and protect my sanity while I work this out in therapy
4) That the good things she did don't give her a free pass to lie, manipulate and gaslight me, and that no amount of love for her would make me hurt myself by submitting to a toxic relationship like that any longer
5) And finally recommended that she brought up these personality traits with her therapist in case she had one atm.
She replied very quickly with something that can only be described as a Linkedin-Lunatics type word salad. She obviously derailed a ton and did not even come close to apologising for anything at all (last time she said she was "sorry for whatever it was that she might have done" lmaooo). I won't go into much detail but what surprised me was that she said she "could tell what diagnosis I had in mind from my description of her on our last chat" and that she sought a therapist and even a psychiatrist right after, and even wants to do therapy with me but didn't suggest it to me out of fear of being rejected again. She didn't explicitly say she was diagnosed with NPD, or that she accepted it or anything, but didnt deny it either.
Honestly at this point this sounds like such bullshit to me, but there is a part of me that wants to belive in the rehabilitation of our relationship. I realise therapy takes time but how can you have absolutely no clue what you're doin to hurt someone at one moment, and at the next you're "on therapy and willing to do the work of healing"? She even ended her text saying something like "let's hope there's a cure for my diagnosis like there was for your gran's BPD, which I helped her with as much as I could". I mean????
I still think cutting contact was the way to go as this interaction was enough to absolutely drain the life out of me in a way that I did not miss at all. There is so much less drama in my life without my mum in it though, and I'm def not willing to go back to how it was. I feel like I've handled it pretty well all things considered but I won't lie, this messed me up a and stirred up some shit inside.
TL;DR: My nmum who's rubbish at instrospection and constantly refuses accountability claims she's working her narc tendencies in therapy and wants me to join her, but still doesn't get why I want nothing to do with her after months of said therapy.
Do you have any hope of change for your parents? Have anyone's parents accepted therapy and made a genuine effort to counter those narc tendencies? Have they ever brought it up and then turned out to be bs?

So, we've been having issues with my Uncle Jerry's (fake name) wife for years now, when they first got together, she seemed lovely, and we did our best to make her feel welcome and included, she's Korean, we're Australian. They seemed happy, they had a child, Ben (fake name), things seemed good. Fast forward some years (I don't know the exact timeline) and there's issues, she stops coming to events and family gatherings that aren't Christmas, Easter, or grandparents birthdays, citing being busy at church, no matter what day the invitation is for.
At some point, she stopped talking to Jerry altogether, he says she'd only ever make dinner for herself and Ben, and really only talked to him to tell him off for buying Ben too much Maccas. I saw it when they were at my place, he'd have Ben ask/tell her when they were staying the night, either because he'd had a couple too many drinks with my dad (this isn't the norm, we'd see them maybe once a month) or because they had plans our way the next day (we live over an hour from them in the neighbouring city).
She started causing major issues a couple years back, around when my uncle (oldest on my dads side) died. I don't know the specifics, but it became known that she believed he and his family, and my second oldest uncle too, weren't real family because they were adopted after my grandparents were told they couldn't have kids (they then they had 6). She believes that Jerry, as the oldest birth-son, should inheret everything. Apparently this is a common belief in Korea, and apparently when her dad died, her brother took her and her sisters to an attorney to have them sign away all rights to their inheritance, in spite of their parents wishes to break that particular tradition. That is also when she started talking to Jerry again, supposedly realising she'd have nothing if he divorced her (she has 5 uni degrees but refuses to work).
Anyway, this caused a major rift with my Uncle's family and her, especially after he passed away from cancer. Then last year my brother got married, and she wasn't invited, because we wanted the aunt and cousins who we'd known our whole lives to be comfortable enough to come, over the woman we'd known for maybe 14 years, seen only a handful of times in the past 10, who didn't think of them as family. Well, she wrote a big, seemingly heartfelt, apology, but my cousin wasn't having it, and accused her of only apologising to come to the wedding. It was a big mess in the family group chat, things were heated, my parents and another aunt, Wendy, stayed out of it, and that leads to the more recent events.
So over the past year, mum, dad and Wendy have sent messages to her, happy birthdays, events and ideas for her son, invites to dinner, and they've never gotten any replies from her. Saturday night my grandfather passed away, he'd been in hospital for a week, we and many of our family spent those last 3 days in the hospital, talking to Pa, supporting each other, but she never came. Sunday, my parents were leaving Nana's place, when she and Jerry arrived. Dad went to give her a hug, because that's what you do when someone's died and everyone's grieving, but he said she side-stepped him and completely ignored him. My parents then drove to where my sister was having her engagement party, and he couldn't get out of the car because he completely broke down. I arrived with a friend about the same time mum walked up, I asked where dad was and she said 'he's crying in the car because of that -female canine-'. She almost never swears, but I immediately realised who she was speaking about. Eventually dad joined the party, and he's glad he did because some of his friends and mum's brother were there to talk to.
Today I learned what happened at Nana's place after my parents left, Wendy was there, and she completely ignored her too, soon leaving the room. Jerry eventually opened up to his mum and sister, talking about how hard an inter-racial marriage was with the differing traditions and beliefs, and when he decided to see where she'd gotten to, he found she'd left and gotten an uber home, despite living over an hour and a half away. He told my dad they'd argued the whole way there, and the only reason he'd stayed with her till now was because of Ben. He is understandably upset and angry over her actions, and said he's seriously considering divorce. He said she blames mum, dad and Wendy for not defending her when the various arguments happened, even though she was very in the wrong, and that's why she's completely ignored them for over a year.
So what's been an extremely difficult week, has been made even moreso by a selfish woman who plays the victim when she seriously hurt others with her garbage opinions.
Other things:
She and Jerry got married at my parents house, her mum told her she should have been marrying my dad because he was clearly the richer brother based on the house. My other Korean aunt (mum's side) told us, as she was the translator for her parents.
At every family gathering, the first thing she would ask me, my siblings, and the younger of my cousins, was if we'd said hello to Ben yet, she'd look offended if we hadn't, even if we hadn't even seen him yet.
Ben, who is 11 years old and in grade 7, has had tutors taking up most of his spare time for the past 3 years, because he's not at the top of his class. He is a smart kid, but obviously not smart enough for her liking. This is the kind of behaviour that reinforces those stereotypes.
She 'hired' me for a month when she had 4 girls from Korea, 12 and 13 year olds, staying with her for 'cultural enrichment'. Twice a week I'd teach them 'casual English', and about how things work in Australia, like posting a letter, or ordering at the deli counter, also some crafts, and cooking. I enjoyed working with the girls, but I was definitely getting ripped off, $150-odd a day with lunch, but I had to pay my own travel, bring my own craft supplies, write a lesson plan based on her outlines that she could send back to their parents, write a lesson review at the end of the day, and she'd get upset that I was a slow type. Jerry told my parents she was getting a lot of money from the girls parents to keep them, but he didn't know exactly how much as this was when she wasn't talking to him.
Overall, she and my other Korean aunt (that's not a story I wish to share), have not been good examples of Korean women, and I really hope they are not typical members of their societies :P
But yeah, it's been an extremely tough, heartbreaking week, and I really just needed to vent about this somewhere, because I hate seeing my dad so crushed by something that wouldn't have happened if she'd had even an ounce of empathy.

Nananatili ako sa isang relasyon na hindi ko na gusto.
Makikipag-hiwalay na ako dapat noong November 2020 kasi 1) alam kong hindi niya ako kayang buhayin at wala ako balak tumira bilang illegal settler, 2) hindi pa kami kasal pero nag-susustento na ako sa mga half siblings niya. Umuutang kasi siya sakin pang baon nung mga bata. Madalas nakakalimutan na niya magbayad, 3) saka umutang siya ulit 20k para pampagawa sa bubong ng bahay ng nanay niya; 10 by 10 sqm.
At may hinala ako na buntis ako noon. Natakot ako na baka itakwil ako ng nanay ko. After three months, confirmed na buntis ako and my mom asked us for our plan. Sabi ko itutuloy ko yung pagbubuntis at sabi nung ama ng anak ko, papakasal daw kami. 3 years after, hindi pa din kami kasal. At buti nalang hindi pinilit ng nanay ko kasi nakita niya na ayaw ko pa din magpakasal!
Fast forward to giving birth, my mom and I spent 150k sa panganganak palang. Ambag ng tatay? 50k - installment pa. Hindi rin siya pumasok sa office for several days to help. Pero balik trabaho din siya at gamit ang kotse ko para sa comfort ng pamilya niya.
Ayun na nga, working ang ama diba. Pero may ambag ba? Sa loob ng halos tatlong taon - mabibilang sa mga daliri ko sa paa at kamay kung ilang beses lang nagbigay ng sustento na hindi lalagpas 3k bawat bigay.
Ang tanong - saan napupunta ang sahod niya? Napupunta sa pang-bayad utang ng nanay niya, sustento sa mga half siblings niya. Siya pa rin ang bumubuhay sa nanay at mga anak nito. Bakit? Kasi ayaw humanap ng permanente at maayos na trabaho ng nanay niya. 3 of 4 nag-aaral. Yung isang anak, ayaw humanap trabaho, ayaw din tumulong sa bahay nila. Hindi na nga kayang buhayin yung apat na anak, nagdagdag pa ng pasanin at pinalayas asawa niyang may trabaho.
Hindi naman niya responsibilidad yung half siblings niya. May iron bar rule sa Family Code na hindi mandatory buhayin ng illegitimate child yung legitimate children or vice versa. Kaso hanggang ngayon mas inuuna pa din niya yung hindi niya responsibilidad kesa sa sarili niyang anak.
Huminto siya sa pag-aaral dati para buhayin yung mga anak ng nanay niya. Ngayon naman hindi niya masustentuhan sarili niyang anak para buhayin pa din half siblings niya.
Ako ang nahihirapan kasi wala kaming yaya. Gigising ako maaga, gagayak para sa work, igagayak ang bata. Drive papasok, oorder food, papakainin ang bata, work habang nagbabantay ng bata, drive pauwi. Magluluto dinner, papakain ng bata, papakain ng pets, maglilinis ng bata at bahay, papatulog ng bata. Repeat. Physical work ako, financial support ako.
Kung mag-resign siya sa work para mag alaga ng bata, mas okay sana. Anyway hindi naman talaga siya nag-aambag sa gastos, weekend lang din siya nagbabantay sa bata. Kaso hindi siya nagreresign sa trabaho kasi need buhayin yung mga anak ng nanay niya. Samantalang ako hirap sa work at pera at pag-alaga ng anak niya. Minsan nga ako pa nagbibigay sakanya allowance para lang makauwi sa anak niya.
Ayoko na. Hindi naman namin siya kailangan ng anak ko.
PS. Kasalanan ko na hindi ako kumalas agad nung nakita ko ang buhay nila.

So, we've been having issues with my Uncle Jerry's (fake name) wife for years now, when they first got together, she seemed lovely, and we did our best to make her feel welcome and included, she's Korean, we're Australian. They seemed happy, they had a child, Ben (fake name), things seemed good. Fast forward some years (I don't know the exact timeline) and there's issues, she stops coming to events and family gatherings that aren't Christmas, Easter, or grandparents birthdays, citing being busy at church, no matter what day the invitation is for.
At some point, she stopped talking to Jerry altogether, he says she'd only ever make dinner for herself and Ben, and really only talked to him to tell him off for buying Ben too much Maccas. I saw it when they were at my place, he'd have Ben ask/tell her when they were staying the night, either because he'd had a couple too many drinks with my dad (this isn't the norm, we'd see them maybe once a month) or because they had plans our way the next day (we live over an hour from them in the neighbouring city).
She started causing major issues a couple years back, around when my uncle (oldest on my dads side) died. I don't know the specifics, but it became known that she believed he and his family, and my second oldest uncle too, weren't real family because they were adopted after my grandparents were told they couldn't have kids (they then they had 6). She believes that Jerry, as the oldest birth-son, should inheret everything. Apparently this is a common belief in Korea, and apparently when her dad died, her brother took her and her sisters to an attorney to have them sign away all rights to their inheritance, in spite of their parents wishes to break that particular tradition. That is also when she started talking to Jerry again, supposedly realising she'd have nothing if he divorced her (she has 5 uni degrees but refuses to work).
Anyway, this caused a major rift with my Uncle's family and her, especially after he passed away from cancer. Then last year my brother got married, and she wasn't invited, because we wanted the aunt and cousins who we'd known our whole lives to be comfortable enough to come, over the woman we'd known for maybe 14 years, seen only a handful of times in the past 10, who didn't think of them as family. Well, she wrote a big, seemingly heartfelt, apology, but my cousin wasn't having it, and accused her of only apologising to come to the wedding. It was a big mess in the family group chat, things were heated, my parents and another aunt, Wendy, stayed out of it, and that leads to the more recent events.
So over the past year, mum, dad and Wendy have sent messages to her, happy birthdays, events and ideas for her son, invites to dinner, and they've never gotten any replies from her. Saturday night my grandfather passed away, he'd been in hospital for a week, we and many of our family spent those last 3 days in the hospital, talking to Pa, supporting each other, but she never came. Sunday, my parents were leaving Nana's place, when she and Jerry arrived. Dad went to give her a hug, because that's what you do when someone's died and everyone's grieving, but he said she side-stepped him and completely ignored him. My parents then drove to where my sister was having her engagement party, and he couldn't get out of the car because he completely broke down. I arrived with a friend about the same time mum walked up, I asked where dad was and she said 'he's crying in the car because of that bitch'. She almost never swears, but I immediately realised who she was speaking about. Eventually dad joined the party, and he's glad he did because some of his friends and mum's brother were there to talk to.
Today I learned what happened at Nana's place after my parents left, Wendy was there, and she completely ignored her too, soon leaving the room. Jerry eventually opened up to his mum and sister, talking about how hard an inter-racial marriage was with the differing traditions and beliefs, and when he decided to see where she'd gotten to, he found she'd left and gotten an uber home, despite living over an hour and a half away. He told my dad they'd argued the whole way there, and the only reason he'd stayed with her till now was because of Ben. He is understandably upset and angry over her actions, and said he's seriously considering divorce. He said she blames mum, dad and Wendy for not defending her when the various arguments happened, even though she was very in the wrong, and that's why she's completely ignored them for over a year.
So what's been an extremely difficult week, has been made even moreso by a selfish woman who plays the victim when she seriously hurt others with her garbage opinions.
Other things:
She and Jerry got married at my parents house, her mum told her she should have been marrying my dad because he was clearly the richer brother based on the house. My other Korean aunt (mum's side) told us, as she was the translator for her parents.
At every family gathering, the first thing she would ask me, my siblings, and the younger of my cousins, was if we'd said hello to Ben yet, she'd look offended if we hadn't, even if we hadn't even seen him yet.
Ben, who is 11 years old and in grade 7, has had tutors taking up most of his spare time for the past 3 years, because he's not at the top of his class. He is a smart kid, but obviously not smart enough for her liking. This is the kind of behaviour that reinforces those stereotypes.
She 'hired' me for a month when she had 4 girls from Korea, 12 and 13 year olds, staying with her for 'cultural enrichment'. Twice a week I'd teach them 'casual English', and about how things work in Australia, like posting a letter, or ordering at the deli counter, also some crafts, and cooking. I enjoyed working with the girls, but I was definitely getting ripped off, $150-odd a day with lunch, but I had to pay my own travel, bring my own craft supplies, write a lesson plan based on her outlines that she could send back to their parents, write a lesson review at the end of the day, and she'd get upset that I was a slow type. Jerry told my parents she was getting a lot of money from the girls parents to keep them, but he didn't know exactly how much as this was when she wasn't talking to him.
Overall, she and my other Korean aunt (that's not a story I wish to share), have not been good examples of Korean women, and I really hope they are not typical members of their societies :P
But yeah, it's been an extremely tough, heartbreaking week, and I really just needed to vent about this, because I hate seeing my dad so crushed by something that wouldn't have happened if she'd had even an ounce of empathy.

Hey guys, (30M) Bear with me. This post isn't directly related to Vipassana, but it is part of my solution. I'm curious to know if anyone has had success releasing shame and the need to be perfect. On paper, my life is honestly amazing -- at least you'd think.
Career I quit my Wall Street job to help my younger brother beat the odds against his terminal bone cancer by conducting my own natural and alternative healing protocol, which has worked. He is now 3 years in remission after his doctors wrote him off. This will forever be my greatest life accomplishment. At the same time, I invested my life savings into Bitcoin and now have seven figures saved up and expect to make a few million bucks in this coming bull market. This has afforded me the luxury of not worrying too much about my financial future. I get to play golf a frequent amount. Sounds all good right? Shame is Holding Me Back Despite all the good that I do, enough is never enough. After saving my brother's life, I started a cancer startup to try to help more people take this approach. However, it's bizarre to say, but I am ashamed of even working in cancer - that isn't masculine enough. I am ashamed the startup hasn't been more successful. I waste days, weeks and months ruminating and cycling between the same 5 or 6 "potentials" of where I could take it. My lack of conviction in who I am has left me feeling defeated. My girlfriend of 5 years who I expected to marry broke up with me, citing that I've become "too much of a nice guy who can't stand up for himself." I don't know where to live, I don't know who to date, I don't know what I want, and I don't know who I am. My family tends to "dominate me" -- at least that's the way it feels. My oldest brother is the golden child and retains all the power in the family dynamic. Becoming Shameless I had an epiphany just now that I just need to be shameless. I have done and continue to do so much good in the world, such that anybody else would hold their chest high in accomplishment. However, I hold myself to an unreasonably high standard where "enough is never enough." I'm wise enough to now understand that no great big career achievement will make me feel whole. So much of my ambition came as a way to compete with my oldest brother for my dad's acceptance--which I now clearly see as an impossible task and proposition, at least intellectually.
What I'm Doing I've been trying the following. Luckily, since I don't really have a job (i.e. startup isn't working), I do have the time to work on myself. - Daily cold plunges - Meditation - 1 hour 2x per day (I am ashamed to meditate as my family makes fun of me for it) - Celibacy - since the girlfriend left 6 months ago, I figured I would give it a shot. I'm not really interested in dating or at least don't have conviction in my ability to do so successfully, so I figured I would take it one more step and avoid self pleasure as a self experiment - Codependents Anonymous - ashamed to even be in a 12-step program, though I identify closely with the symptoms of the disease - Working out and supplementing whey protein & creatine
However, my consistency with a lot of this is below average.
Curious to know if anyone has successfully let go of their shame and need for perfectionism-and if so, how? I yearn for the feeling of confident and active pursuit of something larger than myself - which I suppose, is exactly what I am doing, I just need to release the shame and own the path that I'm on.
Appreciate your thoughts and your reading of this message. TLDR: Looking for ways to let go of shame, especially related to family dynamics.

Hey guys, (30M, 5'11" 165lb) I'm curious to know if anyone has had success releasing shame and the need to be perfect. On paper, my life is honestly amazing -- at least you'd think. Career I quit my Wall Street job to help my younger brother beat the odds against his terminal bone cancer by conducting my own natural and alternative healing protocol, which has worked. He is now 3 years in remission after his doctors wrote him off. This will forever be my greatest life accomplishment. At the same time, I invested my life savings into Bitcoin and now have seven figures saved up and expect to make a few million bucks in this coming bull market. This has afforded me the luxury of not worrying too much about my financial future. I get to play golf a frequent amount. Sounds all good right? Shame is Holding Me Back Despite all the good that I do, enough is never enough. After saving my brother's life, I started a cancer startup to try to help more people take this approach. However, it's bizarre to say, but I am ashamed of even working in cancer - that isn't masculine enough. I am ashamed the startup hasn't been more successful. I waste days, weeks and months ruminating and cycling between the same 5 or 6 "potentials" of where I could take it. My lack of conviction in who I am has left me feeling defeated. My girlfriend of 5 years who I expected to marry broke up with me, citing that I've become "too much of a nice guy who can't stand up for himself." I don't know where to live, I don't know who to date, I don't know what I want, and I don't know who I am. My family tends to "dominate me" -- at least that's the way it feels. My oldest brother is the golden child and retains all the power in the family dynamic. Becoming Shameless I had an epiphany just now that I just need to be shameless. I have done and continue to do so much good in the world, such that anybody else would hold their chest high in accomplishment. However, I hold myself to an unreasonably high standard where "enough is never enough." I'm wise enough to now understand that no great big career achievement will make me feel whole. So much of my ambition came as a way to compete with my oldest brother for my dad's acceptance--which I now clearly see as an impossible task and proposition. What I'm Doing I've been trying the following. Luckily, since I don't really have a job (i.e. startup isn't working), I do have the time to work on myself. - Daily cold plunges - Meditation - 1 hour 2x per day - Celibacy - since the girlfriend left 6 months ago, I figured I would give it a shot. I'm not really interested in dating, so I figured I would take it one more step and avoid self pleasure as a self experiment - Codependents Anonymous - ashamed to even be in a 12-step program, though I identify closely with the symptoms of the disease - Working out and supplementing whey protein & creatine
However, my consistency with a lot of this is below average. Curious to know if anyone has successfully let go of their shame and need for perfectionism-and if so, how? I yearn for the feeling of confident and active pursuit of something larger than myself - which I suppose, is exactly what I am doing, I just need to release the family shame. Appreciate your thoughts and your reading of this message. TLDR: Looking for ways to let go of shame, especially related to family dynamics.

Is anyone seeing this or is it just me. Are we talking about TSMC here or...
Morgan Stanley analysts hiked their price target on Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Co (TW:2330) (NYSE:TSM) (TSMC), citing improved prospects for the world’s biggest contract chipmaker from artificial intelligence-geared processors based on Arm technology.
TSMC’s price target was raised to T$928.0 from T$860.0, while Morgan Stanley analysts also maintained their overweight rating on the stock. The updated PT represents an upside of 16% from TSMC’s last close of T$800.
Morgan Stanley analysts said that increased demand for processors based on British chipmaker Arm Holdings' (NASDAQ:ARM) technology was expected to be an important growth driver for TSMC, given that the chipmaker makes almost 100% of all Arm-based processors.
Demand for Arm-based processors is expected to pick up amid increasing adoption of AI, while TSMC’s CoWoS chip packaging technology is also expected to factor into advancements in AI chip development.
Morgan Stanley expects TSMC’s foundry share in global CPU markets will be close to 60% in 2028, up from 37% in 2023, and will also become a bigger revenue driver for the firm.
Increased development of in-house, AI-geared silicon by major tech firms- such as Microsoft Corporation (NASDAQ:MSFT), Alphabet Inc (NASDAQ:GOOGL) and Apple Inc (NASDAQ:AAPL)- also factors into improved prospects for TSMC, given that foundry work for the chips will be outsourced to the Taiwanese firm.
AI darling NVIDIA Corporation (NASDAQ:NVDA)- which is among TSMC's biggest customers- also develops its most advanced AI chips on Arm.
Increased demand for AI chips fueled stronger earnings from TSMC in the first quarter. But the chipmaker had also warned that AI demand may not be sufficient in offsetting a broader decline in chip demand, especially amid weaker global PC and smartphone sales.