I often take things literally, interpreting them exactly as they are said. I believe this has contributed to my delayed personal growth. For example, if my father promises to get something and then doesn’t without a clear reason, I get annoyed. Similarly, if a friend says they'll call me in an hour but doesn't, I wait anxiously, sometimes becoming restless or upset. This might seem trivial, but it's a significant issue for me. I want to understand why I behave this way, especially since it's been a pattern for the past ten years. Interestingly, this reaction only occurs with people I'm extremely close to; with others, I usually take things lightly and don’t get affected much.

I was talking to a friend who's reading The Wheel of Time for the first time and is currently in TDR. He mentioned his frustration with the Emond's Fielders for not trusting Moiraine, despite everything she's done for them. I know this is a common reaction among new readers. Interestingly, during my first read, I felt the opposite, especially regarding Rand, and this feeling only intensified in subsequent readings. This led me to make this post.
In my opinion, the distrust towards Moiraine, particularly from Rand, is entirely her own fault. A similar pattern can be seen in Rand's relationships with other characters like the Aes Sedai, Wise Ones, and nobles.
Yes, Rand and the Emond's Fielders had preconceived notions about Aes Sedai being mysterious and self-serving, and Moiraine did everything in her power to legitimate their distrust. From the start, she treated Rand not as a human but as a tool to be used. Moiraine's "guidance" was more about controlling Rand's life. The first thing she did was give Rand a coin under false pretenses, which influenced his free will and tracked his location—essentially a non-consensual bond. This manipulation justified Rand's distrust.
Things worsened with Moiraine’s manipulation, half-truths, invasion of privacy, theats, and distancing Rand from friends, like Thom. She admitted she didn't use harsher methods only because they would have been catastrophic. How could anyone trust her?
However, as Rand matured, Moiraine did the unimaginable—she swallowed her pride, apologized, and treated Rand as a human. And guess what? IT WORKED. Rand listened and valued her advice. In her letter, she admitted it was hard not to control Rand. Imagine how different things could have been if she had acted this way from the beginning.
This pattern repeats with the Wise Ones, dor instance. Rand approached them in good faith, showing respect and trying his best to adapting to their culture. Yet, before even considering talking to him as an equal, they spied on him, invaded his dreams his privacy, and tried to manipulate him through Egwene, who as supposed to be his friend, but did helped them and Moraine to manipulate him. Trust cannot be built this way, and it's not Rand's fault.
Moiraine and the Wise Ones were arguably the least harmful. Alanna bonded Rand without consent, which was appalling. Nobles rebelled despite Rand saving their nations. Other Aes Sedai boxed and tortured him. Cadsuane boasted about gentling men and making them cry. All of that without even talking to him first.
The people who were supposed to be his allies hurt him more than the Darkfriends themselves. In fact, many Darkfriends are more transparent, respectful, and truthful with Rand than the Aes Sedai. Considering all this, it’s obvious that Rand would develop trust issues, and I think it’s unfair to blame him or his madness for that. There were few allies, like Min, who truly earned and deserved his trust.
A common critique is that WoT characters have poor communication, leading to avoidable problems. But beyond that, those in power (Aes Sedai, Wise Ones, royals, nobles) often refuse to see others, especially Rand, as intelligent and capable individuals. Instead of engaging as equals, they resort to manipulation and violence, exacerbating many of the story's conflicts.

Warning: abuse
At 19F in the middle of active alcoholism 3 years after my mom went to jail for murder for hire, I was a SW (looking?) for a SD? - while out at a bar I got approached by a 43M that I found attractive and very charismatic. Thinking we’d end up having “fun”, I returned the honest sentiment of attraction. We stayed together 2.5 years after that. He was a Chemist who laughed and made light of everything, his alcoholism and drug addiction became apparent from the beginning, but not to the extent that it got to/really was.
Like all relationships, things started out fun, a very Glee movie summer-like love, very free-ing. He was a Doctor of chemistry and worked in the oil field prior to my meeting him, because of his living situation and luxury cars he seemed like he was doing well. He never was any type of SD. The night I met him, we made eye contact and never looked away. Our chemistry, pun intended- was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
I’m the youngest, not the smartest nor prettiest. I quit my jobs because I simply didn’t want to work sometimes, I made a lot of mistakes and I’ve been in the receiving end of family based bullying and school bullying, SA, R@p€, abandonment and trust issues, I’m bipolar, I practice/d SH, depression, GAD… things of the human condition that make it feel like I’m faulty.
This man was the first person that ever sat with me and listened to me vent to the extent that I did the first tight we spent together. We rarely had sex, but we shared breaths as we slept, (he inhales my breath as I exhale his breath, vise-versa and so on and so forth) to keep it brief and give example. He’s the most intimate partner I’ve ever experienced.
I notice others micro expressions and cater to their benefit if it seems they are troubled or asking for help.
I’m having so much trouble these days accepting the fact that I’m never going to meet him again. Specifically because he was so attentive and catering to my needs. He knew immediately when I was masking. I’m so confused and perplexed about the feeling of not having anyone in my life that has that interest in me. I felt so understood. That’s been my first and last experience with feeling understood like that.
He drank from morning to night nonstop. Together we became aware of what alcoholism was. Brown urine, blood, pain… regret that then led to arguments, accidents, threats, drugs, danger, fear turned to bonding, helping each other, trying to get better, failing. Trying again. Do it all over again. Fail. Again and again.
We managed to get sober a few days. His parents loved me. I understood and loved him. He hadn’t been sober for that long and trying for a long time. He was doing better, that’s what his mom would say.
Every relapse got harder, more dangerous medically and physically as well as economically.
Sleep deprivation was torture I hadn’t experienced before. I would be awoken with yelling because of delirium, anger and he would degrade me so badly. Use that bond we had against me, my own experiences turned against me he’d repeat the insults I shared with him to me. Yell those at me. Then love bomb. Then threaten me and my family with guns. I lived in fear when he blacked out. Felt lonely because with all of the yelling, smashing things around, being stared at by neighbors crying, being called an idiot dumbass in front of people and them witnessing me at a low point and then, agreeing with him? No neighbor knocked after crying and yelling to see if anyone was ok or dying. Public shame feels so. Fucking. Lonely. Isolation doesn’t help.
He stopped functioning. His body started giving out. I loved him. Took care of him cleaned his wounds after falls, his body after incontinence. He literally shed blood, shit and tears, regret and asked for forgiveness when I cared for him in his sober state.
In return, I’d receive non stop verbal abuse if I didn’t stop and do what he wanted me to at the time he wanted me to and how he wanted me to. If I didn’t give him my attention he’d end up getting it by threatening my family. And he would! Fight my brother and go after him with loaded guns. So there I would go do what he said. Forced to ride in a vehicle, with him locking the doors, blasting Phil Collins yelling at me. Driving erratically, dangerously. And I’d be so fucking scared of crashing. Just imagining the police report, “f19 dead alongside 43m after drunk reckless driving”. He’d speed in traffic so I couldn’t really jump out the car. I’d end up just drinking to numb the fear.
I had enough and attempted to sleepies forever by taking a sweet deadly cocktail of whatever handful of pills I could get my hands on. We had plastic gallon moving boxes filled with narcotics- he was a pharmacist too. I told him I was going to KMS he said go ahead, so I attempted and I filmed it.
From the setting up the phone in that closet, the one I color coordinated for him, his button-ups and suits in those dry-cleaning bags that hadn’t been opened since leaving the laundry shop… I watched my su!c!d€ afterwards. Out of morbid curiosity. “What a dumbass!” was what he said when he found me. I won’t go into detail of the full video but chest compressions hurt a lot, 10/10 would not recommend. And EMS left the AED stickers on my chest 🤷🏽‍♀️
After that 24hr watch, an awkward taxi drive to a crisis clinic that was understaffed and left me in a room by myself for two hours and walking in public with those see-through paper hospital clothes. Embarrassment is a light expression. When I was taken home, I didn’t have keys, or phone, or anything. Just my discharge papers and my cut vomit stained pajamas in a biohazard bag. - I lived in a gated neighborhood with key-fob-entry-only. I was fucked and waited what seemed like 4 hours for anyone to help me but no one showed up until HE did WITH MY BROTHER. The one who was threatened with a gun, that brother.
JFC the amount of insults, “what a fucking dumbass, what were you thinking? You’re a fucking idiot!” To summarize in the friendliest way. I was dressed in a see through hospital gown, I went straight to the shower, didn’t have the energy to get dressed when they kept just YELLING at me. INSULTING me- I had enough and wanted to defend myself. That’s when my brother pulled out his phone and started filming me pleading with them to let me sleep, calling me crazy, threatening to “show the family how fucking crazy you are!” - I threw my phone. Broke the microwave door. More insults, while still filming me, I was ordered to, “clean it up” - and at that moment. Completely detached, I did.
I put my brother on the soon-est bus to Mexico and sent him to rehab after 2 hell filled weeks of him living with us because he was so fucked in alcoholism he was homeless. To this day I don’t know how I did that.
I managed to leave my ex. 2 weeks later I receive calls from worried friends. Ryan was missing.
After investigating, (calls to police,hospitals, checking out the “usual” spots) - turns out he went to a Circle K looking for Peroni after the liquor store wouldn’t sell to him, tripped on the steps, hit his head on the pavement, STILL MANAGED TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL, left, got into a fight, and somehow miraculously ended up in his apartment where he tried to shower, fell face forward towards the water tap, (which left a softball sized bruise on his right eye and fractured his nose) he then tried to walk towards the kitchen? Passed out in the living room leaving blood all over the walls, puddles on the ground and the biggest blood clot stain on the floor ( we had to get crime scene cleaners). He apparently had a fit where he trashed the apartment by throwing my things, my plants, bottles of crown… anything. Everything was trashed when I found him in the apartment. I counted at LEAST 20 bottles of crown. He was so fucked up we thought he had been assaulted.
COVID hit and hospitals were in full lockdown. As an “essential worker” I could travel to the hospital to see him, and because someone somewhere said I was his wife/fiancée I was the ONLY one allowed to see him.
I snuck behind friends and family’s backs checking in on him at the hospital. Singing The Carpenters songs, wearing his favorite perfumes, reading Bill’s Story (IYKYK), playing Phil Collins. The whole 9 yards.
The last time I saw him, he was in Physical therapy/Rehab. He ended up moving back to his parents in California. Then February the next year, on Valentine’s Day - his mom let me know he passed.
She grieved very much attached to me. It was one of the saddest things I ever had to help someone through - alongside helping her son go through alcoholism.
I became a CNA as a tribute to helping him during those hard sober times where his body gave out. Helping others like that, bathing them, diaper changing, g-tube cleaning, hygiene essentials…
The classic grief started with what-if’s. Etc. it’s been hard lately because all my family is against him and his family resents me for being the only one with access to his medical records during COVID. I’m in a relationship now and our therapist told me to “put a break on it”. Recently. My mental illnesses keep getting worse and I feel like no other has taken such interest in me as much as Ryan did. He was so observant. So in-sync with me. And he was so shitty to me. He’s like the sweetest tasting radioactive flower that once was and will never be. And I’m grieving. And it’s so lonely out here.
I don’t know. I’m not suicid@l, I’m medicated and 4 years sober. It’s been hard and it’s getting harder to understand. I feel neglected and lonely. Anything helps please.

It's already a struggle to get up in the morning. I need to use an alarm to wake up after 10+ hours of sleep, and I still wake up tired. Physically and mentally. And yet I get comments about how nice it must be to "laze around in bed" as if to say I'm lazy.
I don't want to try any more. Every change I made in my life has not changed the bigger picture at all. It's like I'm being punished for trying. For example

• I lost significant weight, but all I got was severe cold intolerance that my doctors brushed off. And buying clothes that fit is almost impossible, even if I could wear them without being cold.
• I learned to drive, but my brain doesn't have the bandwidth necessary to monitor every car and pedestrian to predict their actions in real time. Also, I have trouble judging distances of other cars at speed.
• I tried online dating (because "meeting people naturally" doesn't really work for gay dating when you don't know the sexuality of others) but I ended up giving a small but not insignificant amount of money to a manipulative compulsive liar.
• I joined a club hoping to make friends. All the people formed a new group without me in it. They constantly talk between themselves about the fun they've had over the past week.

The things I want are out of reach. A place of my own. A job that pays enough to afford that. To get the hell away from where I currently live.
I don't really understand why I bother continuing my existence. Nothing really matters in the end. Anyone I help will eventually die. All good causes will eventually fade away. Everything I create will eventually be destroyed.
My life is pointless and nothing can bring meaning to it. My life is miserable and nothing brings joy to it. So can anyone tell me why I should bother any more?

1. Amazon Store Rent
First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.

1. Product Selection Tools

Choosing the right products to sell is crucial for the success of your e-commerce business. Fortunately, there are several tools available to assist with this process, each offering unique features to help you make informed decisions.
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.

1. Platform Commission

When selling on Amazon, it’s essential to account for the platform commission, known as the referral fee. This fee is a percentage of each sale and varies by product category. Understanding these fees is crucial for pricing your products and calculating your profit margins.
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.

1. Miscellaneous Expenses

In addition to the primary costs associated with setting up and running your Amazon business, there are several miscellaneous expenses that can significantly impact your budget. These costs, while often overlooked, are crucial for creating a professional and efficient operation. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these potential expenses and their importance.
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.

Hello everyone! I'm probably suffering from a rare subform of OCD, because, believe me or not, I have found NOTHING about it on the internet. I know how to work with myself and I'm in therapy, but I'm desperate for a sense of belonging. I have one friend who has something similar and I feel that they're the only person that really know what I'm talking about. But even their case is not that prominent as mine.
I basically suffer from some sort of mirroring OCD, when have the obsessive need to mirror other people's features and lived experiences. For example I am a right-handed person, but because a lot of people that are close to me are left-handed, I started to feel the urge to find "what is it like" and I taught myself to draw and write with my left hand as well.
Or another example. From the beginning of my relationship with one person, I started to have partner focused OCD around them, and when they disclosed me that they are half Jewish and that part of their family died in the Holocaust, I started to obsses over this feature of them. I actually developed some sort of vicarious trauma to the Holocaust, go and check out my profile if you want to see the details, and I started to obsessively wonder what is it like to be of a Jewish descent. For example something in me wants to discover that I have some Jewish ancestors myself, but why? Just because it has a person that is very close to me.
Sometimes I even develop obsession with features that I discover or obtain later in myself. For example my obsession with what is it like to be a synesthete only to find out that I actually've had one not that widely known type of synesthesia myself.
I also may develop a fascination towards features of other people that I don't have and when I see people with those features somewhere, I may feel somehow "triggered". A rush of shame and abashment goes through my body.
I have this feature all my life, but only in recent time I started to really realize how much it actually impacted my life. And since I am an explorer by nature I tried to find anyone who is like me. But I can't. I have the friend, thanks God for him! But I would really like to know that there are more people like me.
I have been different all my life and thus I find comfort in labels and shared experiences. But in this case it's as if no one previously heard about my form of obsessions. Even my therapist haven't. Sometimes I even doubt that this is purely OCD at all.
Yes, the obsessive quality is definitely there, but it looks like a more complex issue actually. I'm also autistic and I think that I may have some features of some personality disorder as well, but that hasn't been professionally evaluated in me yet.
The classical term "mirroring" also don't describe me, because I don't do it because I have issues with self confidence. My brain do it because it cannot bear the feeling of people being out there who feel and live something that I don't what it's like. It's like a FOMO, but unsurprisingly, when I tried to search for FOMO cases, I haven't find anything as well.
Is there anyone like me?
Or anyone who have experienced something at least slightly similar?
And if not, you can just share, if you're comfortable of course, your experiences with some sort of rare OCD manifestation if you had any.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask and share you thoughts as well!

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and got married very young (I was 19), but more on that later.
For now, backstory: we both come from rather toxic families and are both black sheep. The difference being I realized early on and my husband, being very sweet and naïve at times, didn’t realize his until I started pointing it out. My intentions were never to alienate his family, however, I’ve never liked the way they treated him. Especially his mother’s side.
One of the biggest examples that comes to mind was how he worked over the summer for his Aunt one year before we even met, and instead of giving the money to him, the money was given to his mom‘s parents who kept it in an account “for him“ that he couldn’t access. Later, they bought him a car with it, but put it in their name. When I found out, I immediately pointed out that that was kind of messed up, it’s nice that he got a car, but that money should’ve been given to him and at the very least the car should have been in his name. But as he usually does, he chose to see the bright side of things, so for the most part he was just happy that he had a car. Fast-forward a year or two, and he was driving up most weekends to visit me in college when he wasn’t working (about 1 1/2 hours each way, so not very far by Texas standards), when his grandparents decided that they didn’t like that and they tried to stop him, but that argument didn’t last very long and they relented. It wasn’t until they started telling him that he couldn’t visit his dad using the car that things really got dicey.
And it’s not like his dad lived very far, he lived in the same neighborhood as his mom, and in the same neighborhood that we had grown up in. And this time they would not relent, they absolutely despise his father. The divorce was messy and even though neither is completely blameless, she definitely had the worst offenses. Just trust me on that. Since then, it’s like she never learned how to be an adult and has been a perpetual 16-year-old, always complaining about everything and with her parents always holding the purse strings (though you could argue it’s always been that way, her parents paid for her schooling to be a dance major and she never did anything with that, they defended her bad decisions during the divorce, paid the mortgage on her large house afterwards, and even now after expressing how much she doesn’t enjoy being around her parents, she refuses to leave and still lives with a family member).
Anyways, after his grandparents threatened to take away the car (which he used for work as a pizza delivery man and obviously his mom didn’t stand up for him) if he tried to visit his dad, he let his dad know and I helped him move out of his mom‘s house that night while she was at work. It made him terribly unhappy at first, especially to leave his younger siblings behind, but he knew what they were doing was wrong, and he was over 18 and thats simply a line you don’t cross. His dad baught him a car to use.
It should be noted that he likely would not have said anything to his father or moved out if I hadn’t pushed him to, and that’s probably why a good portion of his family aren’t really big fans of mine. Even several years after we were married and possibly even to this day, they think I make all of the decisions in our relationship and force him to do what makes me happy even if he doesn’t want to, which of course is not the case, we discuss and agree on every major decision. When I was pregnant with our son, our first child, we were at his dad‘s mom‘s house and I was often sitting and asking him to get things for me and the like and he ended up going to get food with one of his sisters and she literally told him that she didn’t like how I was constantly asking him to do things and I wasn’t doing anything for myself. The pregnancy was very hard on me, I LOST 11 lbs and had to work the whole time and had no paid leave, so yes I tried to relax as much as I could. These are just a few examples of their behavior, his mother and her parents are also often emotionally and psychologically manipulative and abusive, comparing him to his cousins which they often consider “more successful“ especially since he decided he didn’t want to be a doctor and wanted to work in a lab instead, and anytime he tries to argue back with his mom she does the whole “I guess I’m just a horrible mom“ thing. Something I am very well familiar with in my own life. Needless to say, I am not the biggest fan of his family.
I did one year of my university before I decided it wasn’t the right path for me and about that time he was about finished with community college and was looking to go to university next. He ended up getting excepted into the university that I had gone to, but didn’t really want to move into the dorms as someone who was older than most freshman, but also couldn’t afford an apartment on his own. So we decided that we would get married and move up there together, we were already engaged as he proposed to me on my 18th birthday. It was the perfect set up as being under the same roof as my mother again really sucked.
I don’t quite remember why we decided to get married three months from that point, it was kind of stressful. But during that time him and his mother had another huge falling out, of course with her parents being on her side, and the deal with the car was still fresh in everyone’s minds. After that I didn’t want her at the wedding, or her parents, and while it did upset him a bit(notice a trend? He is very sweet and has a tender heart and is a recovering people-pleaser) he agreed that it would just be unnecessary drama.
It was a very small wedding as my parents gave me $2000 and I used half of that on a weekend honeymoon and the other half to cover the cupcakes and the photographer (who was an old friend of ours from high school). My youth pastor who at this point also knew my (soon to be) husband was the officiant and graciously let us use the foyer the youth building free of charge for the ceremony. This was a small neighborhood church so the room wasn’t very big but we weren’t inviting a ton of people so we were fine with it, especially since it was mostly windows and it was pretty nice especially since we didn’t have to pay for it. We ended up inviting both sets of my parents, my sister and her small family, and my little sister and my mom‘s parents. (note the parents, siblings, and my closest grandparents) In the end, after his mother begged, we did end up letting her come, and then of course his father came and his siblings and his father‘s mom. (Note the parents, siblings, and his closest grandparent). Our closest friends were there which was 6 people, and then my small group from church had spent the night decorating the foyer for the ceremony so of course they were invited too. The numbers were slightly skewed in my favor as both of my parents have remarried, my sister was married with 2 kids, and both of my grandparents were still alive at the time. So yes, technicality he had less people there, but he told me that he didn’t mind after I pointed this out to him back when we were talking about who to invite. And his family really didn’t like this. We both have large families. Only mine was scattered to the four winds and his lived exclusively in Texas. If his mom‘s parents hadn’t been treating him like dirt I happily would’ve invited them too, and seeing as I didn’t even invite my step sisters who had been in my life since I was two, I didn’t think it would be appropriate to invite his cousins, especially since the room was plenty full as it was. Again, he understood and was OK with all of this.
In the end, it was very sweet and small and the reception just took place at one of our favorite restaurants.
To this day, he still catches flack for more of his family not being invited, especially is mom’s parents, and we are always told by third parties about things his family say about us and especially me. (one of them even called me a gold digger, even though at the time was working at Domino’s. His mom told us she was the only one who “stood up for me” in that moment, but the best response she could come up with was “my son doesn’t have money“).
I have no qualms about what we did. We have since moved halfway across the country, recently celebrated our 8 year anniversary, and are very happy. The things they say still weigh on us though, so I was hoping to prove a point with this post.
So, are we the assholes for not inviting most of my husband’s family to the wedding?

Warning this story contains sexual assault, i wil not be describing this, there is also mention of mental abuse (i don't really know what to call it, i'm sorry)
My ex-boyfriend(27m) Jason and i (26f) have been broken up for 4 years, yes, we broke up during the pandemic however it was a long time coming. We stayed friends, as we have a lot of friends in common and frequently meet up. Over time i have come to a conclusion that i don't want to be near him anymore and need help or advice on what to do with our mutual friends.
I''l give you a bit of history. We were together for 4 years, so when we were about 17-18. Both of us have a tumultuous history and when we met, we bonded over that. It is important to the story i share a bit of my history, i was sexually assaulted when i was a child and had kept it to myself until i was about 17, my healing proces started around the same time(i have ptsd). Jason went throug an abusive relationship, this is all i'm going to say as it is not mine to share. Both of us needed help, we held on to eachother, i became what he needed. He tried to help but i guess he got lost. He manipulated, sexually assaulted, raped me and made me believe i was at fault for it. He compared me to his ex, who was always compared to a contolling monster, it made me feel like i was one. He counted the amount of days we didn't have sex to say that he was great for not cheating, reiterating that he is a great person for putting up with my trauma and problems. I don't want to say i was a perfect person, i can only imagine it is difficult to have a partner with my baggage. I'm also not saying it was all bad or that i think he is a monster but he left me with more trauma than i started with. Even though i only came to this realisation after we broke up.
When we broke up we decided that we would stay friends, after al we never fought. I've know my friends since i was about 12 years old, Jason became a part of that friendgroep when we started dating. My friends are my family, they are amasing people, who i never want to lose. Jason is a guy that will let you feel if he thinks you of lesser intelligence. He has people in our group where he thinks himself better because he is more intelligent. In my opinion he takes whatever he reads and accepts it as his own opinion, he often does not speak in nuance or his own expirience, or with enough reliable sources. For example he thought it was not hard to get a vasectomy for woman, or at least just as hard for men with just as much consequenses. (idiot) Please don't take this as fully true, i might just have short sight where he is concerned.
Let's get to where i need help. Around Christmass this year a couple in our friendgroup broke up, it was a rough time for them and they leaned on their friends for help, obviously. It got heated cause one of them was moving on with a different person from our group while the other wanted to hold on to their relationship. At one point jason needed to take a step back, because he cound't handle being in between the two camp, which i understand, one of them was going throug heavy mental struggles.
When he decided to take a step back from the situation i reached out to him, to check up on him, cause i knew he sometimes struggled with this kind of stuff. In the last couple of years we never really talked, i really stuggled with being "nice" , this is in quotation cause i can be quit passive agressive towards him. i see his red flags more than others maybe?
We started talking about how we handled our break up and how it was easier for us cause of the pandemic, we didn't need to see eachother. He started to talkabout maybe dating again soon and i playfully, not really playfully give him advice. I quote 'Maybe don't count the days you don't have sex, comparing them to you're horrible ex, just some advice haha' he immidiatly confirmed the dick move. This started a conversation where he admitted and apologized for raping me and abusing me, his words. He admitted to being abusive! I cound't believ it, i never thought he would realise what he did let alone admit this to me. I can't tell you how relieved i was, i never talked to anybody exept my psycholigist. I din't feel like i had the right to tell our friends cause WE decided we were friends, i didn't want to come off as a scorned ex, i didn't think they would believe me. Maybe they would think i was just seeing the bad things and exagerating. After the converstation we decided to meet and have a face to face conversation. A lot of crying and me saying it to his face that he raped me during our 4 year relationship i felt drained. He also gave me 'permission' to talk to our friends about it.
Before i wanted to share with them i needed to breath again, in my life i go though shit and i need moment to just be able to really relatavize things. Just two days after our conversation he texted to meet up again, he needed tot talk to me... I panicked and immidiently said yes, i thought he was going to take everything back and say i overeacted, that i was at fault, which i was definetly not. We met, he wanted to know what i meant by guilt.... WTF, what do you mean? Guilt, yes you are guilty, you did this, maybe not with violence but i said no, you did it anyways, dickhead. No, he wanted me to tell him i don't think he is a rapist now, or i don't think he is a monster. And while yes, i don't think he is a bad guy or a monster, he was to me in that time. He might have changed. I think he did, he's admittance is prove of that. Let me tell you tho i yelled at this man, why do you need me to help you deal with this, you did this to me and now you want to play victim to me. Poor you, you raped me? I told him to leave me alone, that i needed him to not involve me in this cause i can't. Again he is making me feel bad because something that happened between us harms him.
It has been a month and last week was the first time i told my girlfriends, who are part of this friendgroup, what a relieve. They told me in no uncertain terms that they believed me and that i get to make decision in if i'm comfertable with him around me, i love them. They both have reached out to me if i need totalk about it they are here for me. They have also expressed disgust haha.
I'm not planning on not sharing what happened between us with my friends, i always felt like a burden by sharing but i need support and i'm learning that they want to be there for me. A couple of others know and they are also there for me, whatever i need.
Now here is where i need your advice. I don't want my friends to feel like they need to not be friends with him. I decided that i don't want him near me anymore, the way that second conversation went really striked me the wrong way, i'm done with him. Now i know he is not a monster, he is a different Jason to me than he is for the others. He was a best man at the wedding of my bestfriends, he was there for them when they have had a difficult time, i don't want them to feel ike i want them out of their lives for me. A lot of us view our friendship as family, i don't want them to lose that. What do i do? How do i handle this? I need help, i need any advice you can give me.
Thank you for reading, also English is not my first language, i appoligize for any weird mistakes.
Again thank you.

Played survivors:

• Matías Recalt (Roberto Canessa): He calls Dr. Canessa “Robert”. Although they don’t resemble each other physically (other than having big noses), they do have similar personalities. Matías could not cry on set, his emotions were kind of blocked (his father had passed away very recently), but Roberto says he was never able to cry in the mountains either. Matías is also headstrong and would sometimes do things his way instead of the way Bayona asked for him, which was very Canessa of him (1).
  
• Agustín Pardella (Fernando "Nando" Parrado): He calls Nando his favorite hero and feels that he has taught him a lot about resilience, and makes him want to become a better person (2). He considers Nando a friend, someone with a lot of emotions and warmth, which he had to block in the mountains. Rather that portraying the “superhero” that the media has often painted Nando as, he focused on getting to know him as a person and bring his humanity onscreen (3).
  
• Agustín Della Corte (Antonio "Tintín" Vizintín): He and Tintín had already met before, since Tintín used to be the president of the Uruguayan Rugby Union, and Della used to be part of the national rugby team (3). They hugged when they met for the movie for the first time (4). tThey met a lot of times, and he got very interested in what Tintín felt in each moment, the emotional details, which is exactly what the survivors wanted. Him being a rugby player helped a lot. Tintín feels that he was able to capture a lot of the essence of what he lived in the mountains. The first time Tintín watched the movie, he didn’t know how he felt about it, because it transported him to the mountains (2).
  
• Felipe "Pipe" G. Otaño (Carlos "Carlitos" Páez R.): His mother made him read The Society of the Snow when he was younger, so he was more familiar with the story that the average Argentinian. He guessed that he was playing Carlos Páez before the roles were revealed because of his age, physical traits, and what lines he they made him read. He not only Carlito’s book, but also the ones written by his parents. He also watched a lot of interviews with Carlitos (3). He went to Carlitos’ house and met his family. They texted a lot during the process of filming, and still text semi-regularly (2). He also relied on Pablo Vierci on set for details of his personality (3).
  
• Tomás Wolf (Gustavo Zerbino): He didn’t only get close to Gustavo, they had a barbecue together, and he always answered his questions (3). He also got close to Lupe Zerbino, a daughter. He played in a football (soccer) match, Zerbinos vs Canessas (Zerbinos won). Zerbino still shows him support in social media, even liking more political posts (5).
  
• Esteban "Kuku" Kukuriczka (Adolfo "Fito" Strauch): He read the book as soon as he got a clue of what the movie was about. At first, they talked at the hotel for around three hours, then he went to his home and met his family, they could empathize with each other (3). Fito and his wife recently went to watch one of Kuku’s theatre performances (2).
  
• Francisco Romero (Daniel Fernández): They talked a lot. The first time they met up alone, it was in a hotel. Daniel had a lot of love when talking to Fran. Fran feels like he would have played a similar role/made similar decisions in the mountains. According to Chori Segura, Daniel is physically a lot bigger than Fran irl (4). From Daniel, Fran takes away temperance, listening to others, being able to put the group first (3).
  
• Rafael Federman (Eduardo Strauch): When they met, Eduardo gave him his book as a gift. He would always answer Rafael’s questions (3). Eduardo always received him warmly (2). Rafael took the exit sign of the plane as a souvenir from set, same as Eduardo irl (5).
  
• Andy Pruss (Roy Harley): He got his information from the books and interviews. But also from talking to him, and how he sees himself in the mountains, 50 years later, what he did right and what he did wrong, specially about not being able to keep his emotions in check, which ended up affecting him a lot (3). Roy took him out in his car to see the places where he grew up, where he studied, his childhood house. Roy also went with Andy and his parents to the beach (2).
  
• Juan Ignacio "Juanicar" Carusso (Álvaro Mangino): Álvaro as a character had never existed in the other movies, so he felt a lot of responsibility playing him. Álvaro took him home and personally taught him how he used to crawl with a broken leg. He would always answer any question he had (3). Álvaro and Margarita also took some of their family to set, for the hospital scenes (2).
  
• Simón Hempe (José Luis "Coche" Inciarte): Once his participation got confirmed in the movie, he bought the Society of the Snow and another book about the event, on a whim. It ended up being Coche’s book (3). He feels like he bonded with Coche, since day 1, almost like a grandfather. He also got close to his family, specially his (now) widow, Soledad (2). His death was very hard on Simón (3). They talked a lot, at his house, by phone, on set. They got close enough that Simón could show up to the Inciarte household unannounced (2), and Coche called him his “favorite actor”(2). Coche personally coached him on set for the rescue scenes (told him to remember to smile) and in the hospital (him and Soledad still remembered very clearly how their reencounter was). Soledad says that the movie was something that gave Coche energy despite being ill, and that watching it made him proud. He once met some friends of Coche by chance, and they shared pictures and memories of him (3).
  
• Valentino Alonso (Alfredo "Pancho" Delgado): When they first met by themselves, they couldn’t look at each other in the eye. Pancho is still very affected by what happened, and Valentino wanted to transmit the emotions (including impotence for nor being able to convince Numa to eat enough to live) that he could still see in him, but also fears the movie broke him a bit too (2). According to ML Berch, his manners are similar to Pancho’s, also him being very good at talking while still being reserved (4). Pancho told him still considers Numa his life’s biggest friend (3).
  
• Esteban Bigliardi (Javier Methol): Javier had already passed away (2015) by the time the casting started (2021). He got his information from reading books, watching interviews. He got to know that Javier, despite having a hard life, had a very strong spirit, passion for life, compassion. He asked the survivors about him, and they would say that Javier was love (3).
  
• Rocco Posca (Ramón "Moncho" Sabella): For the last round of casting, they sent him a video of Moncho, and he says that he nurtured himself with it, he felt like Moncho (3). They became really close, and he talks to Moncho informally, as a friend, on Moncho’s insistence (2). They talk a lot on the phone (2). Rocco feels that they formed a kind of connection, that he got some of his energy. Their families stories are a bit similar (ie. Moncho helped his father in the fruit market stall, while Rocco’s uncles did the same on the other side of the river, in Argentina), and also he would get certain feelings or trains of thoughts while in character, that he would later discover were similar to Moncho’s own in the mountains (3).
  
• Luciano Chatton (Pedro Algorta): They met alone at least once in Punta del Este, in 2021. They walked together, and Pedro asked him if he had read his book. He had, but hadn’t finished. They ended up talking for about 4 hours. He doesn’t want to talk a lot about Pedro, because what he says may be different from reality. Pedro seems to still carry wonder and timidity from the mountains. (2)
  
• Agustín Berruti (Roberto "Bobby" Francois): He too is from Tacuarembó, part of the Uruguayan countryside. He went to Bobby’s house. Bobby said that he didn’t have any idea as to why they sent him there, because he wouldn’t be able to help him with anything. So they drank wine and talked about the countryside life instead (1)
  

Played Victims

• Enzo Vogrincic (Numa Turcatti): He didn’t get to meet Numa’s twin, Leonardo, as he passed away in 2009. But he did meet Daniel Turcatti, another brother, and his children. He was given a tour of the Turcatti’s childhood home, and Daniel would recall different anecdotes in each room. Numa would have absolutely hated being a protagonist. The survivors and Bayona say that he resembles Numa in the fact that he would constantly bring himself down for not being good enough (1)
  
• Fernando Contigiani (ArturoNogueira): After the dinner with the survivors, he was taken to the Nogueira’s house and had a big tea time with them (3). They also accompanied him during the whole process of the movie. Arturo’s siblings, Gabriel and Selina are very thankful towards him, say their family is open towards him, and think Arturo would have liked his work. Cristina, another sister, says he helped her close her mourning process. He was the first person Selina called after she watched the movie for the first time (2).
  
• Benjamín “Chori” Segura (Rafael "El Vasco” Echavarren): His biggest source of information were Rafael’s sisters, Daniel Fernández helped him a lot too, since he held a lot of love towards Vasco while in the mountains. He tried to see what all three sisters shared, because Rafael could have had those same things too (4). The first time he met the Echavarren sisters, they asked if he would be their brother, and he answered that he would try. They hugged and cried, they laughed and talked for hours. The sisters have both said that they love Chori and that having him is like having their brother back, somewhat (but that Rafael was more shameless) (2).
  
• Paula Baldini (Liliana Navarro): She was able to talk to a sister, a friend, and her daughters (3). The most emotional part of filming was meeting the Methols daughters in the airport, since she was dressed exactly as their last memory of her. They all cried, and thanked her a lot (5). Male Methol says that the movie helped her picture the mother she didn’t get to grow up with (1). The other children also say that the movie helped them close the cycle (3).
  
• Diego Vegezzi (Marcelo Pérez del Castillo): He says that he got a lot of who was Marcelo from the Society of the Snow book, and also from "Del Otro Lado de la Montaña", the book written by the families. He had the same role as an empathetic leader in his family, the team and in the mountains (3). When they first met him, the survivors gathered around him because he looked so alike Marcelo (6). Stella, sister, says that what she saw in the movie feels like the Marcelo she knew, that his death onscreen brought forward the feelings she had bottled up for 50 years, and that the movie remembered that the 16 that made it back did it so because of the 29 left behind (1).
  
• Blas Polidori (Gustavo "Coco" Nicolich): He relied a lot in Coco’s letters, since they have so much of his personality (3). He mostly talked with Álvaro, also nicknamed Coco, the younger brother. They met at his office, alongside an acting coach. They talked about what Gustavo’s essence was, their family, their parents, how them, as a family lived the tragedy. Álvaro tends to leave supportive comments on Blas Instagram from the Nicolich family business account, he says that Blas could bring Coco back in his last moments and was thankful for it, even if he saw him suffer (2). He also keeps contact with Álvaro´s daughter, Coco’s niece, Pauli (3).
  
• Emanuel Parga (Sgt. Carlos Roque): Roque’s family didn’t want to talk much with the production, because they were still angry and felt disrespected because of his portrayal in Alive (1993) (3). He got in contact with Alejandro, Roque’s son, and also people from the Air Force. The first time he met Alejandro, they couldn’t speak, but they cried and hugged, it felt like two friends meeting again after a long time. He promised that he would honour his father, bring his dignity back (2). Roque’s sister got in contact with Ema only after the release of the movie, and was both relieved and happy with it. She liked that they portrayed the love he had for his job (3).
  
• Felipe Ramusio (Diego Storm): He had played rugby as a kid. He got in contact with Diego’s brother, and also a family friend. The survivor that helped him the most was Carlitos (very close to Diego, even named one of his kids after him), who invited even him to his house. After the movie, the family contacted him again and congratulated him (3).
  
• Alfonsina Carrocio (Susana "Susy" Parrado): She mostly talked to Nando. He was very descriptive on how she was injured, what she could and could not do after the crash, how Liliana would take care of her (3).
  
• Santiago Vaca Narvaja (Daniel Maspons): He was welcomed to Daniel’s nephew’s house with tea and chocolate. He keeps contact with the Maspons sisters, specially with Rosario, the eldest. They showed him a lot of love. She thanked him for helping her understand what happened in the mountains. He does not resemble Maspons in personality, since Daniel was very shy and not very talkative, and had to learn to have a silent presence (3).
  
• Juandi Eirea (Juan Carlos Menéndez): He did play rugby for 15 years, which helped him with characterization. The Menéndez family didn’t take part in the movie production (3).
  
• Federico Aznárez (Enrique Platero): His father trained in the Old Christian’s gym as a kid, so he had always had a big connection to the story. He re-read the books after being cast. He got in contact with Roberto Canessa, before the casting even finished, and they talked for about 30 minutes in Dr. Canessa’s workplace (the hospital), mostly about how their life were before the crash. He phoned Roberto before the last round of casting, because the books had very little information about Enrique, and Canessa invited him home to practice his scenes, and also to talk a lot about Enrique and his family. Netflix wasn’t able to contact the Platero family, so Gustavo Zerbino did it instead. They had a barbecue with Enrique’s nephews and nieces, who knew very little about him, and Fede asked Zerbino a lot of questions, with some chime-ins from the Plateros (3). He later got in contact with Martín Zerbino (son), Juan Pablo Nicola (son of the Nicolas, who passed away in the crash) and, alongside Juani Eirea went to the Valley of Tears in February 2023, where they left letters for Enrique and Juan Carlos (2).
  
• Jerónimo Bosia (Franciso "Panchito" Abal): Netflix was not able to contact the Abal family, most of them had already passed away. After the movie release, a step sister sent Carlitos an audio message, which got to Jerónimo through Pipe Otaño, talking about how she could now understand that Pancho didn’t make it back so that some would be able to (3).
  
• Agustín Lain (Carlos Valeta): They told him that he resembles Valeta in his looks and his youth (3). It’s unclear who “they” are, if they were survivors, Vierci or Valeta relatives.
  
• Lautaro Bakir (Julio Martínez-Lamas): He got to meet the family while filming, which was something very impactful for him. He met a sister while filming at the airport, him in character with a beard. He got most of his information by what Pablo Vierci and Zerbino told him. He was not a rugby player, but was a big fan of the Old Christians and would always participate in the chants (3).
  
• Lucas Mascareña (Fernando “Flaco” Vázquez): He met Teresa Vázquez, a sister, and her family when they saw him characterized at the airport, and hugged him without saying anything. They recognized him, and could see both his eyes and facial expressions that he played Fernando. A friend of el Flaco says that Lucas’ acting brought him back (2). Fun fact, the actor is a commercial pilot.
  
• Federico Formento (Daniel Shaw): He was initially unable to contact the Shaw family, so he got bits and pieces from the books. He eventually met with Miguel Shaw, Daniel’s brother, after Pablo Vierci got him his contact, while they were filming the Uruguay scenes (3).
  
• Francisco Bereny (Felipe Maquirriaín): Sandra Maquirriaín (sister) was involved in the process of the movie (1). I could not find any interview with him.
  
• Toto Rovito (Alexis Hounié) and Julián Bedino (Guido Magri): Although they do have interviews, I could not find footage of him talking about whether he met the families of who they played, or if they talked with the survivors about them.
  
• Louta (Gastón Costemalle), Maximiliano de la Cruz (Lt. Col. Dante Lagurara): Although they have speaking roles, I could not find interviews with them talking about SOTS.
  
• Pablo ??? (Dr. Francisco Nicola): To Juan Pedro Nicola, son, seeing him acting at the airport was magic, like seeing them again (1).
  

Did not board the plane:
- Fran Burghi (Alfredo Cibilis): He couldn’t meet Alfredo due to schedule conflicts (3).
Sources:
1) Behind the scenes documentary/Netflix interviews
2) Actors and personal Instagram accounts
3) Interview by Moobys (YouTube)
4) Interview by Fangirleando y Chismeando (YouTube)
5) Juanicar’s livestreams
6) Society of the Snow book (newest edition)

We are in a LDR. He made a friend in the gym that I go to, and this friend thought he saw me in the gym with another guy, cheating on him. This so called “friend” texted him saying that he saw me in the gym so he started asking asking me if I went to the gym that day what did I do etc. etc. Basically I didn’t go to the gym that day so it was quite easy to figure out that it wasn’t me. Obviously I got super upset and I told him that I was gonna talk to this guy because it was an enormous breach of privacy and I felt really uncomfortable, because going to the gym is something that is very socially awkward for me, so I wanted to talk to him and tell him that if he wants to make accusations like that, he need to be absolutely sure because he could’ve created such an uncomfortable situation and for example, if I was in a more toxic relationship, it could’ve been really hurtful and it could’ve ruined the relationship in a situation that it wasn’t even me. When I told him that I was going to speak to him he basically got super defensive and told me that he was just being a good guy and he wanted to protect him and that he did the right thing because that’s what guys do and stuff like that. My anger escalated because I did not feel protected at all so yeah, I was going to text him. I found this guy socials and I was going to text him an angry message basically saying for him to mind his business. when he realized that I was going to do this he basically said that it was all a joke, which is awful and obviously I didn’t believe it so I made him swear and for us, at least I thought so, when we swear on something its a word that we really value in our relationship and whenever we say, I swear that this didn’t happen, we believe it. he made up that it was an April fools joke and stuff like that because he swore on it, I believed it. today I went to the gym and I saw the guy and my intuition kicked in because I just knew that the story wasn’t adding up, so I went to speak to him jokingly and I told him how it wasn’t so funny when you mistaken me for someone else and his friend basically told me the entire story.. yes he did text him, and my boyfriend went to the extent of sending him a picture of me for him to actually be sure if it was me or not, which means he never trusted me. Never trusted my word and he straight up lied to me. I called him and basically asked how did you lie to me so easily and he basically said that it wasn’t a lie he just forgot to tell me the truth.
How am I supposed to ever trust his word again? Should I break up over this. We’ve been together for 3 years, I’m completely at a loss.

Hi, I'm asking for advice on how to approach a situation with my mom that has been festering for 5+ years. I, (19F) had a good childhood, with loving parents and a good relationship with my younger sibling. However, things changed freshman year of HS. My mom asked my dad for a divorce and despite his attempts to work on the marriage, she was persistent and got the divorce. Just to let you know, my dad never cheated, never hit, or yelled at my mom, and he never mistreated her in his entire life physically, mentally, or financially. The marriage was solid and good. (or so we thought.) However, my mom constantly yelled at my dad, and I now realize that my father was taking the brunt of my mom's anger and yelling so that my sibling and I didn't have to hear them fighting when we were younger. When they were divorcing, I would sit and listen to their fighting, mostly about money. My dad is a Lawyer and my mom was a SAHM. What stuck with me was my dad's calm voice as he tried to reason with my mom as she began to raise her voice at him until it became full yelling.
The next few months were hard for my sibling and me. I couldn't look at my mom without being angry at her for destroying the safe and happy life I lived in. I see now that without her blowing my life up, I would have continued to be a naive girl. My mom honestly lost her mind when she divorced Dad. She got angry and began to drink a lot. When my sibling and I would get to her house on the week she had us, she had already had a drink or was getting ready to begin drinking. We knew to be cautious and try not to upset her. But she would have good days and bad days. Some days she was the fun and loving mother that we knew growing up. Other days we would stay in our rooms to stay out of her way because we could do the smallest of things and be yelled at, or made to feel worse about whatever we had done. For example, we were late for dinner (about 2 minutes), and when we got upstairs, Mom had put dinner away and yelled at us for being late while throwing dishes in the sink and storming away. Luckily her drinking began to stop once she got a job and got a boyfriend (now husband). She also began to stop yelling and me and my sibling
In my Junior year of HS, my mental health declined again. I've always struggled with mental health, and on a road trip to a popular town in our state (will not say for privacy reasons), I told her about how I was struggling with food and found the idea of it bad. I told her that I needed help, and needed to go to therapy again because I was afraid I was going to spiral harder. She listened to my words and promised to help. When we got to the house we had rented for the weekend, she and a few of her friends I had never met before began drinking. She made two jokes about my eating habits and depression during that trip while drunk. I had never met these people before and felt like my entire mental health history, (I've struggled with depression since the 7th grade), was on display to strangers. When I told my therapist about it, I was told that if I wanted, I should talk to my mom and let her know that It hurt me. I did, I told her my trust had been shattered and I didn't know If I could tell her important things like that again. While I felt like she heard me, and is trying to improve, I am not sure If I can be honest with her about important topics such as this.
During my graduation, we got into an altercation for a reason I cannot remember. She said if we (me and my sibling) were so miserable at her house we should go to Dads. So when we packed an overnight bag and left, I said love you, Mom. See you tomorrow. She responded with "Yeah sure you do". This is not the only comment she's made like this. When I got accepted to my dream college, I was eager to go. I picked a college out of state and far away so that I would be free of any pressure from my mom and I could just be me without feeling like I was just a trophy to her. When I arrived back home for winter break from college, I was invited to my mom's house to come and give her a hug. I brought my cat I had adopted at college (she is my ESA for depression and anxiety), I was greeted by a party. I was swept into a small crowd of people as my mom introduced me to her work friends. My cat began to shake and I said my hello, gave my mom a hug, and left. That encounter stuck with me, and I'm beginning to think that to her I am nothing more than a trophy. A daughter she raised to be shown off. That thought had been persistent in my mind.
I have been meaning to sit down with her again and tell her how I feel about our relationship. About the things she said during my graduation, about her constant personality shifts, My therapist said this is a good idea, and I agree. However, I don't know how to begin this conversation. How do I start this conversation? I know that it'll probably never be a good time to have it, but it needs to happen. I also don't know what to say when the convo does begin. How do I even hold and begin this with her? She is my mom, and I do love her, but I don't know how much longer I can continue to act as if nothing is wrong and she's the best mother ever. How do I get things across to her?

I (20f) started feeling truly ready for a relationship a few months ago and it ruined my self love.
Adding some context here first: Ive always been a lover girl. I dont seem like it, since Ive never had someone to love like that, but at heart i am a true hopeless romantic. This will seem contradictory in my next paragraph but I have just never been comfortable with or trusted someone enough to let my guard down.
Growing up I was always the friend who cared the least about relationships and boys. If a guy happened to take a liking to me and give me attention, Id reciprocate but always ended things before anything would happen or if I thought it was going to progress to a point they wanted a relationship (never kissed a guy or anything just flirting and light touches). I definitely developed an attachment for 2 of them (Ive talked to 5 guys romantically) but only truly liked the most recent one who I ended things with due to him being more and more immature. I wouldnt say I had a ‘connection’ with any of them. Based off some of those guys actions and what mutual friends have said, they only wanted to fuck me anyway.
I struggled a lot with my mental health over the course of my life, which isnt the point here but at the end of last year I got to a point where I started to feel healed. In the beginning of this year I ended therapy and was truly happy for the first time in my life. I started working on trivial things to benefit myself (talking to more strangers, going more places by myself, picking up more hobbies etc) and eventually felt like I could truly be in a relationship for the first time (This wasnt the goal, but a nice benefit). Over the months this progressed, and being in a relationship started to feel like this thing I was grasping for but not receiving. It got out of control for sure, and I started to think of how other people perceived me all the time. Insecure thoughts started creeping in, and while I rolled my eyes at them at first and would tell myself “dont be an idiot, stay rational”, I indeed was an idiot and started to think too much about my own looks. Then there was one day where I looked at myself and immediately thought “oh my god am I seriously that fucking ugly ????”. I have never thought that before, Im not an insecure person. Sure, Im insecure about some things, who isnt? but I never felt so hideous before. Needless to say I crashed and burned. So, I picked myself up, brought myself back into my head and tried to straighten myself out. It worked until it didnt and it was another month of these thoughts before I really had to admit to myself its a problem. Since then, Ive definitely gotten away from that mindset but the insecure thoughts still float around in the back of my head of me being unloveable or whatever (cringe i know, sorry).
Now, I just want to get back to where I was early this year, and forget about relationships, but i guess these things just dont go away. Im sure I have some unresolved issues somewhere im not even aware of. I dont know this seems so stupid and pathetic to me and honestly, I am usually a very objective and rational person so I dont know why this is bothering me so much. Im only 20, people have shown interest in me before, I know im not objectively ugly. Maybe because all my friends are now romantically involved with people or getting hit on all the time so I feel like im falling behind? Maybe Im just lonely? Idk those are my thoughts. Not really sure what else to add. Just needed to dump this all somewhere.
Sorry if the grammar is horrible and my capitalized letters are all fucked lol.

I am 23 years old, I'm still not yet graduated from college as I changed my major 5 years deep, and these past 6-7 years have been some of the most detrimental years of my life for my mental health, self esteem, and social anxiety. I won't go over the full story since there is a lot to cover but I'll just breeze through it so there is some context.
Ever since my senior year of highschool, the year which I was ostracized from my friend group, losing pretty much every friend I had, that I totalled my first car which was my only other outlet, life has pretty spiraled downward from there. COVID happened and I suffered the worst level of clinical depression that my doctor said 'of all my years of practice, I've never seen it this bad.' I was extremely Vitamin D deficient. So I was clinically diagnosed with depression.
I tried to make a comeback one of the years and for a good time it did work, but the motivation was not myself; it was a girl. I joined a frat and I got to meet a ton of people. And I also got to make out with (still a virgin) a couple of girls but overall that experience only introduced my social paranoia; which was like feeling that everyone was always being fake about liking me and that they were just being nice, but they truly do not like me. I have this social paranoia to this day. This also introduced my attention externalizing, where I constantly need others to feel whole, otherwise it made my life miserable. An example would be like, this girl I was talking to that was my friend, I gained feelings for her and then fantasized a whole life with her, and now whenever I see her not talking to me or snapping me when I see her Snapscore go up, I have a physical reaction, like I'm about to pass out. This is an example of what's happening to me right now.
My academics were terrible, my single mother would constantly pressure me and yell at me to do better (she was just trying her best). I tried for years to switch out of engineering school that my mom wanted me to do but I never got the permission to until recently (I didn't switch because I was afraid of loans, now I am on them anyway so I made the switch).
And so overall, my experience with people was terrible, my experience with academics was terrible, I made no progress on my life and I continue to go day to day wasting it away. Trying to fix things now but I've tried for years to get back into working out and eating right but all this time, my mental has just been shot down. The negative self talk doesnt leave, I feel that I am undeserving of love, while being so touch starved, my dreams are not something I can achieve anymore, my future is looking bleak with minimal job prospects and I have no friends I can rely on or talk to.
I've also tried therapy before but all they want to do is sell me ADHD medicine. I've had to resort to using ChatGPT as a therapist for my problems. I can't even rely on myself to fix things anymore.
I feel like I've ruined this recent friendship with this girl because she doesn't want to really talk to me anymore, I feel like I can't fix the things in my life because I don't care for myself at all. So it's really difficult...
I just hope that, I can find a way to like myself again, to know I'm not the only one suffering like this. To not care about seeking external validation, and just be happy by myself.

DAY: May 18 2024

• 5-18-2024 HAVE SMARTPHONES KILLED THE ART OF CONVERSATION? Once upon a time, human relationships unfolded without smartphones. The reality may be hard to recall, so profoundly have these devices transformed the way we relate to the world and others in fifteen years or so. As an anthropologist interested in modernity, I am particularly preoccupied by the impact of these devices on our conversations. In my book, “The End of the Conversation? Words in a Spectral Society” (French original: “La fin de la conversation? La parole dans une société spectrale”), I investigate the pernicious effects of this technology
• 5-18-2024 HOW TO REWARD EMPLOYEES FAIRLY AND IMPROVE TEAM DYNAMICS A recent study has shed light on how to reward employees more fairly and improve team dynamics. The study found that when less skilled employees report their performance voluntarily, they often exaggerate their achievements and ask for higher bonuses. These employees also tend to put in less effort and are less concerned about fairness when sharing their contributions voluntarily. Interestingly, the researchers discovered that requiring employees to explain their contributions leads to fairer decisions about bonus allocation and improves
• 5-19-2024 BILLIONS ARE SPENT ON EDUCATIONAL TECHNOLOGY, BUT WE DON’T KNOW IF IT WORKS During the COVID lockdowns, schools and universities worldwide relied on education technology—edtech—to keep students learning. They used online platforms to give lessons, mark work and send feedback, used apps to teach and introduced students to programs that let them work together on projects. In the aftermath of school closures, the market for edtech has kept on growing. The value of the sector is projected to rise to US$132.4 billion globally by 2032. The problem is that we don’t know very much about how effective many edtech apps or programs
• 5-19-2024 STUDY FINDS CONSUMERS WILLING TO PAY MORE FOR NATURALLY COLORED COTTON CLOTHING Research has looked at consumer attitudes toward naturally colored cotton clothing. The study found that amid increasing concerns over the environmental impact of conventional cotton processing, consumers are willing to pay more for a greener T-shirt.
• 5-18-2024 HOW AI IS SHAPING THE FUTURE OF SALES STRATEGIES In the fast-evolving business landscape, artificial intelligence, or AI, is taking center stage in transforming sales processes, making them more efficient and responsive to the dynamic market demands. A new University of Alabama at Birmingham study titled “AI in Sales: Laying the Foundations for Future Research” highlights the pivotal role AI is playing in reshaping the sales sector.
• 5-18-2024 WHEN CONSUMERS WOULD PREFER A CHATBOT OVER A PERSON Actually, sometimes consumers don’t want to talk to a real person when they’re shopping online, a new study suggests. In fact, what they really want is a chatbot that makes it clear that it is not human at all. In a new study, researchers found that people preferred interacting with chatbots when they felt embarrassed about what they were buying online—items like antidiarrheal medicine or, for some people, skin care products. “In general, research shows people would rather interact with a human customer service agent
• 5-18-2024 NEW STUDY REVEALS THE POTENTIAL OF COACHING EMPLOYEES TO DRIVE NEW STRATEGIC IDEAS In the landscape of modern business, inclusion isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a strategic imperative. Companies like IBM, Volkswagen and Starbucks are moving to more participative strategy development approaches that reflect a growing understanding of the importance of diversity in fostering innovative and creative strategic ideas. Yet the outcomes of inclusive strategy processes often fall short of expectations. A new study in the Strategic Management Journal sheds light on why that may be. In their study of an inclusive strategy process in a large insurance company, Violetta Splitter, along with co-authors
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS SHOW WAYS TO PROPEL PRODUCT SUCCESS New research explores the key strategies that firms should adopt when launching a new product. The researchers say that these strategies depend on the current market view of the product and the firm. Employing the correct one, which might sometimes be collaborating with overtly demanding reviewers or instituting rather challenging pilot tests, ensures that the product launch will go as successfully as possible.
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS DEVELOP ALGORITHMS TO UNDERSTAND HOW HUMANS FORM BODY PART VOCABULARIES An example of the study’s language sample and the words for arm/hand and leg/foot in English and Wolof. Human bodies have similar designs. However, languages differ in the way they divide the body into parts and name them. For example, English speakers have two words for foot and leg, whereas other languages express the concepts foot and leg in one word.
• 5-18-2024 STUDY FINDS AVOIDING SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE AN ELECTION HAS LITTLE TO NO EFFECT ON PEOPLE’S POLITICAL VIEWS In the weeks before and after the 2020 presidential election, researchers ran a number of tests to try to understand how much Facebook and its corporate cousin, Instagram, may be contributing to the nation’s political divide. One of those experiments—led by Matthew Gentzkow and Hunt Allcott, economics professors at Stanford University—centered on more than 35,000 Facebook and Instagram users who were paid to stay off the platforms in the run-up to Election Day. There’s a lot that researchers could glean from the social media hiatus, including whether people’s political attitudes
• 5-18-2024 USING COMPUTER MODELS TO UNDERSTAND THE DEBATE ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE Different types of noise and how they act inside or outside the social interaction process. Cognitive biases are among the most important factors that prevent people from changing their minds. Climate change deniers and climate activists often tend to accept only information that confirms their respective opinions on the matter. However, opinion dynamics are also influenced by a factor that the researchers call “ambiguity noise.” Unlike biases, ambiguity noise is variable, depends on many random factors, and leads to inconsistent judgment.
• 5-18-2024 FOR SOME INDIGENOUS SOUTHERN PLAINS TRIBES, AN ORIGINAL FLUTE SONG IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARD MARRIAGE “Warrior with flute” by Timothy Tate Nevaquaya. Used with permission. Credit: Timothy Tate Nevaquaya Every love story is unique, and in traditional Indigenous Southern Plains culture, it begins with an original ballad performed on the flute. In order to win a lover’s affection, and respect among the tribe, each pursuer must compose one good flute serenade. Paula Conlon, a former music professor at the University of Oklahoma, has researched the history and cultural significance of the Indigenous flute since the 1980s. Conlon presents her work Tuesday, May 14, at 9:45
• 5-18-2024 WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER? OUR RESEARCH SHOWS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FIRST You’re hard at work, lying in a hammock, composing the perfect selfie on the beach. The turquoise sea sets off the idyllic sunset, and just visible though the fronds of a palm tree is the logo of the hotel which is paying you to promote it to your millions of followers on Instagram. Click. The perfect shot. And another typically perfect day in the life of an influencer. Or is it? Certainly a career as an influencer can seem appealing. The work generally involves promoting products or services through sponsored
• 5-18-2024 WHY STUDENTS CHEAT IN ONLINE EXAMS Media psychologists at the University of Cologne have studied how students’ individual needs, conceptions and reasons relate to cheating behavior in online exams. Online exams have become a more common type of exam at universities, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic. They are advantageous because they save time and offer flexibility. However, cheating attempts present a big challenge for lecturers. This is why universities have been working on ways to thwart cheating in online exams by putting organizational and technical measures into place.
• 5-18-2024 WHY STUDENTS CHEAT IN ONLINE EXAMS Trust and distrust in social media coexisted in the study participants. Credit: Emmaline Nelsen Are anti-misinformation interventions on social media working as intended? It depends, according to a new study surveyed over 1,700 participants in the United States, revealing that anti-misinformation features increased users’ awareness of misinformation in social media; but did not make them more likely to share information on social media
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Seventy-eight percent of people in England and Wales think that crime has gone up in the last few years, according to the latest survey. But the data on actual crime shows the exact opposite. As of 2024, violence, burglary and car crime have been declining for 30 years and by close to 90%, according to the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW)—our best indicator of true crime levels. Unlike police data, the CSEW is not subject to variations in reporting and recording. The drop in violence includes domestic violence
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Can we truly assess whether someone finds us attractive? Cognitive psychologist Iliana Samara discovered that men, in particular, tend to overestimate the interest of their date. She explains why this may be. “Imagine you walk into a packed bar, looking for a date. Your eyes are naturally drawn to attractive faces. If you’re a man and find someone attractive, you’re more likely to assume they’re also interested in you. “Then, when you approach them, whether you’re a man or woman
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Having more education has long been linked to better individual health. But those benefits are also contagious, say the co-authors of a new working paper. “It’s not just that the individuals who have more years of education are in better health,” said David M. Cutler, Otto Eckstein Professor of Applied Economics. “It’s that even people with fewer years of education—for example, people with just a high school degree—are in better health when they live around
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? Our research on children in early primary years, show they are better are writing with a pen or pencil than a keyboard. Children today are growing up surrounded by technology. So it’s easy to assume they will be able to write effectively using a keyboard. But our research suggests this is not necessarily true. We need to actively teach students to be able to type as well as write using paper and pen or pencil. Our research Our research team has published two recent
• 5-18-2024 MOST CRIME HAS FALLEN BY 90% IN 30 YEARS—SO WHY DOES THE PUBLIC THINK IT’S INCREASED? The provision of therapies for children and young people (CYP) with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) can be an affectively challenging, sometimes procedurally complex, process for the various stakeholders involved. However, the efficiency and effectiveness of this process, are crucial to various outcomes, in particular
• 5-18-2024 HOW DO MINDFULNESS, COMPASSION AND NEED FULFILLMENT AFFECT SATISFACTION IN MIDLIFE MARRIED COUPLES? Many people practice mindfulness or self-compassion techniques in their everyday life as part of their normal self-care routine. Although many studies support the individual benefits of mindfulness and self-compassion, few have focused on romantic relationship outcomes. A new study published in Personal Relationships has examined how mindfulness, self- and other-compassion, and need fulfillment relate to relationship and sexual satisfaction in midlife married couples. The study involved survey results from 640 adults aged 40–59 years who were residing in Canada and were married. Mindfulness is the nonjudgmental attention and awareness to
• 5-18-2024 HOW ENTERTAINMENT BRANDS ARE ADAPTING TO GENERATION ALPHA Growing up, did you play with hyper-sexualized Barbie dolls, boys-only Thomas the Tank Engine trains, or slim, white Disney princesses? If so, you’re not alone, but this is no longer the case for Generation Alpha. Brands like Mattel, once criticized for promoting unrealistic body standards and gender stereotypes, now portray themselves as feminist and progressive. The recent Barbie movie serves as a prime example of this shift. Millennial parents are actively seeking out toys, books and movies to educate their children about life and teach them values that align
• 5-18-2024 STUDENTS WITH DYSLEXIA FACE CHALLENGES TRANSITIONING TO THE WORKPLACE, BUT WITH SUPPORT THEY CAN THRIVE Transitioning from university to the workplace is a critical period in anyone’s life, but it can be especially challenging for students with dyslexia. While academic settings often offer accommodations for people with dyslexia, professional environments often fall short on such support systems. Fortunately, there are strategic interventions that can be established in workplaces to help individuals with dyslexia not only adapt, but excel in their careers. It is estimated that up to 20% of the population has dyslexia and 80% of people with a learning disability have dyslexia
• 5-18-2024 BUSINESSES UNINTENTIONALLY DISCOURAGE DIVERSE IDEAS, FINDS STUDY Businesses influence the ideas they receive from external contributors by unintentionally signaling which ideas they like, a research analyzed 1.44 million ideas to understand how organizations unknowingly shape the ideas they receive. Data came from organizations that asked visitors how they could improve their websites before choosing which ideas to use. Chosen ideas were communicated for all to see.
• 5-18-2024 WHAT’S IN A NAME? A LINGUISTICS EXPERT EXPLAINS WHY SOME BABY NAMES DOMINATE THE CHARTS YEAR AFTER YEAR What do names like Noah, James, Mateo, Mia, Evelyn and Luna all have in common? They’re not only some of the top baby names in the United States, but they also seem to flow off the tongue. And that’s exactly why parents love them. On May 10, the Social Security Administration released a list of the top baby names in the United States in 2023. Liam and Olivia maintained the number one spot in their respective categories for the fifth consecutive year while Noah and Emma also retained second place.
• 5-18-2024 ACCESS TO GARDENS AND CITIZEN SCIENCE HELPS ENCOURAGE CONSERVATION AMONG CHILDREN, STUDY SHOWS Access to gardens and citizen science projects at school can help promote pro-conservation behavior among pupils, a new study shows. Offering children the chance to take part in authentic scientific ecological work and gardening encourages an interest in plants. This can change behavior—to spend more time gardening or to pursue a botanical career—and fuels a positive attitude towards safeguarding the environment, experts found
• 5-18-2024 WHAT PROFESSIONALS EXPECT FROM FUTURE EMPLOYERS Employers who want to attract new talent should recognize diversity and enable inclusion. This is confirmed by a representative study by IU International University of Applied Sciences (IU), which surveyed more than 1,200 trainees and students across Germany. The results clearly show that 75.1% of prospective employees consider it very or somewhat important that companies implement measures to promote diversity and inclusion. This suggests that companies that communicate these measures openly and transparently
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCH LINKS VOTER BEHAVIOR IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS TO HOUSING MARKET PERFORMANCE If the 21st century has proven anything to the United States electorate, it is that presidential elections are notoriously unpredictable affairs. The seeming randomness by which the country’s electorate chooses its next president has only emboldened polling outlets, talking heads, and amateur psephologists to scrutinize every conceivable variable to give their respective electoral forecasting models a much-needed edge. However, Sherwood Clements, collegiate assistant professor of real estate in the Pamplin College of Business, had an electoral theory that, to the best of his knowledge, had never been explored with regards
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCH LINKS VOTER BEHAVIOR IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS TO HOUSING MARKET PERFORMANCE If the 21st century has proven anything to the United States electorate, it is that presidential elections are notoriously unpredictable affairs. The seeming randomness by which the country’s electorate chooses its next president has only emboldened polling outlets, talking heads, and amateur psephologists to scrutinize every conceivable variable to give their respective electoral forecasting models a much-needed edge. However, Sherwood Clements, collegiate assistant professor of real estate in the Pamplin College of Business, had an electoral theory that, to the best of his knowledge, had never been explored with regards
• 5-18-2024 MECHANISTIC MODEL SHOWS HOW MUCH GOSSIP IS NEEDED TO FOSTER SOCIAL COOPERATION Gossip often has a negative connotation, but imagine you are part of a group deciding on a job candidate to hire or a local political candidate to back. Candidates who get a good reputation by helping others may be more likely to receive help in the form of a job offer or endorsement, a feedback loop known as indirect reciprocity. Gossip can facilitate cooperation. Previous research has shown that people tend to cooperate more when they think their peers are gossiping about their behavior, gossip
• 5-18-2024 SINGING RESEARCHERS FIND CROSS-CULTURAL PATTERNS IN MUSIC AND LANGUAGE Are acoustic features of music and spoken language shared across cultures? Researchers from the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics in Nijmegen have contributed to a global study of music and speech, published in Science Advances. An international team of researchers recorded themselves performing traditional music and speaking in their native language. In all 50+ languages
• 5-18-2024 NEW RESEARCH REVEALS JUST HOW FEW LGBTQI+ PEOPLE PLAY SPORTS The topic of homophobia in sport has recently made headlines in Australia, with a series of homophobic incidents involving men’s AFL players. These homophobic incidents are usually well-reported in news media, but research has rarely explored the impact on participation for LGBTQI+ people. Fresh research into the problem Our new research is one of the first pieces of academic research in Australia to document how many LGBTQI+ people play and engage with sport. We also explored current levels of discrimination across sport in Australia, and the barriers and enablers
• 5-18-2024 SWIPE RIGHT OR LEFT? HOW DATING APPS ARE IMPACTING MODERN MASCULINITY What it means to be a man is changing. Critical men or masculinity studies is an emerging robust research field that explores how men and masculinity are being transformed by shifting socio-economic, sexual and political conditions in our post-industrial world. Fascinating new male-identifying sub-cultures and communities have emerged, like mushroomcore and dandies. Yet heteronormative masculinity is typically framed as threatening, toxic or maladaptive, as in the case of fragile masculinity. In my years of swiping on dating apps, I encountered different kinds of masculinities, as well as some very offensive
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS SAY AUTOMATED NEWS VIDEO PRODUCTION IS BETTER WITH A HUMAN TOUCH AI-generated videos for short messages are only as well received as manually created ones if they are edited by humans. News organizations—including Bloomberg, Reuters, and The Economist—have been using AI powered video services to meet growing audience demand for audio-visual material. A study recently published in the journal Journalism now shows that the automated production of news videos is better with human supervision. Technology providers like Wochit and Moovly are allowing publishers to mass produce videos at scale. But what do audiences think of the results? Researchers led by LMU
• 5-18-2024 HOW ‘ETHICAL INFLUENCERS’ ENGAGE THEIR AUDIENCES ABOUT SAVING THE PLANET Have a quick think back to the last time you scrolled through social media. Maybe it was this morning, last night or a few minutes ago. What do you recall? One thing you’re bound to remember is the continuous stream of influencers showing off their latest content. These could be videos of influencers discussing the latest skin-care products, the trendiest places to eat, their latest shopping haul or the PR packages they received from various brands. Much of social media influencing is about getting consumers to buy more products.
• 5-18-2024 ALLYSHIP IS ESSENTIAL TO NEW MOTHERS RETURNING TO WORK, SAYS STUDY Returning to work after parental leave can be one of the most challenging experiences for any parents, especially mothers, to navigate. Fortunately, there are simple, kind and thoughtful ways in which organizational members—regardless of formal status, parental identity or gender identity—can help mothers feel supported as they return to work, which can also benefit job satisfaction and maternal well-being.
• 5-18-2024 STUDY FINDS SAYING ‘PLEASE’ MAY NOT BE SO POLITE IN EVERYDAY REQUESTS By kindergarten age, most children have been taught that “please” is a magic word. “Please” is an expression of politeness that shows courtesy and respect, turning a potential demand into a request that will—poof!—magically be granted. But a new study on the ways people make requests of one another suggests that “please” might not be an all-purpose marker of politeness, but rather a more focused, strategic tool to manage frictions or obstacles among family members, friends and even coworkers.
• 5-18-2024 MILITARY RANK AFFECTS MEDICAL CARE, OFFERING SOCIETAL INSIGHTS: STUDY Stock project from Pexels Human relationships are inherently shaped by power dynamics, yet quantifying their impact has remained a scientific challenge. Now, a large new study published Thursday in the journal Science reveals that military doctors give more attention to higher-ranked patients, providing concrete evidence about the privileges that come with elevated status, frequently at the expense of the less powerful. “One of the things we are trying to show is that this is not a military-specific analysis,”
• 5-18-2024 RESEARCHERS DISCUSS CURRENT STATE OF HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA AND BIPHOBIA Gender-neutral bathrooms, conversion therapy and Quebec’s advisory committee on gender identity have been in the news lately. These are polarizing, hot-button issues. While there have been legislative and social advances for LGBTQ+ rights, ignorance and discrimination persist and continue to negatively affect the lives of many. On May 17, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, UdeMNouvelles asked two Université de Montréal professors and researchers who are experts in the field to share their views.
• 5-18-2024 PICKLEBALL COURTS IN A LEGAL PICKLE OVER THE ASSOCIATED NOISE Experts recommend HOAs and communities consider the “popping” noise associated with pickleball when deciding to build courts near homes. Credit: AIP Pickleball Legal Consultant is a job title that likely did not exist a decade ago, but as pickleball courts infiltrate neighborhoods to satiate an appetite for a sport whose namesake is a snack, communities take issue with the resulting influx of noise. Now homeowners’ associations and city councils face litigation by those whose lives are disrupted by pickleball’s din. Charles Leahy, an attorney, retired mechanical engineer, and former HOA
• 5-18-2024 TECHNOLOGY IS CHANGING HOW COMPANIES DO BUSINESS In the fast-paced world of modern business, technology plays a crucial role in shaping how companies operate. One area where this impact is particularly significant is in the organization of production chains—specifically the way goods are made and distributed. A new study from the Cornell SC Johnson College of Business advances understanding of the U.S. production chain evolution amidst technological progress in information technology (IT), shedding light on the complex connections between business IT investments and organizational design. Advances in IT have sparked significant changes in how companies design
• 5-18-2024 HOW DOES THE US KNOW THAT FORCED LABOR IS HAPPENING IN CHINA? A SUPPLY CHAIN EXPERT WEIGHS IN The Biden administration has added 26 more companies to the list of Chinese textile traders and manufacturers whose goods are blocked from entering the United States because of their alleged ties to forced labor. The banned imports, known as the Uyghur Forced Labor Prevention Act Entity List, names businesses that are said to be involved in exploiting

Hi, I am a failed IB student who got lucky and got into a Liberal Arts Economics University and is now in the second year. But I never lost that passion for Physics and academics. The only reason I had Liberal Arts was to figure out what to do in life and everyone saying that economics is a "high-paying degree" I took it, don't get me wrong I don't hate economics but it's just what could've been ifykwim. I spent the end of high school crying like a baby cause I did not know where my life was and now I am realizing if I just focused I would've been where I wanted to be. I went to check out international universities but all of them require good grades and letters of recommendation from the teachers. I don't know what to do anymore, logic dictates that I got lucky with this uni and I should go with it, but idk. I even went to CalTech's or any STEM university's website to scrape any hope but on every website, in bold letters, it was written everywhere "excelled in high school". Now, I could just pursue Physics as a hobby but I don't know it feels like my life is crumbling. It also feels like no one is friends for the sake of just being "friends" and it just feels lonely now.. that's a topic for another day. I need advice please, anything will help. ^u^

NB: If you prefer to read this article from Google Docs, with embedded Scryfall card images, follow this link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ipGx-NpPmVbRfnmiNpMlB4V6YA341UuZrBYQFSyyHrE/edit

INTRO

Hello! My name is GlosuU (https://x.com/GlosuUMTG). I'm a Limited MTG enthusiast with a humble portfolio: I qualified for and participated in the AC4 and AC5, and will be participating in PT Amsterdam at the end of June. In the AC5 I teamed up with Ryan Condon (AC5 runner-up) and Ethan Saks (Lord Tupperware), all 3 of us bringing Quintorius Combo as our Explorer deck of choice for the AC5. I was in a feature match versus the AC5 champ, Toni Ramis Pascual, where I lost my win-and-in to the top 8, and ended 12th out of 32. You might also know me for the "Ode to WAR'' article that I wrote and posted when WAR came as a flashback format some months ago: https://www.reddit.com/lrcast/comments/1bhpxb2/an\_ode\_to\_war\_of\_the\_spark/ . I'm not a content creator, but I do produce some stuff here and there when I feel like it (deep analysis of my AC5 matches are posted in my YouTube channel, I had Ryan Condon analyze them together with me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhdl85xrunw&list=PLtfDMdAYlZqlVE-Bo_Gh5FsxujrFTEUyK&ab_channel=GlosuUMTG ). With my "credentials'' out of the way, I'm back with a new article, this time to praise IKO! We are getting IKO Premier Drafts on MTGA this Tuesday, so hopefully I can get you excited!
Disclaimer: WAR was my favorite set when I wrote the previous article, and I have to admit the flashback on Arena soured my experience of it a bit (Grixis colors were too open in the pods I felt, and the vanilla creatures in WAR stood out like a sore thumb compared to the FIRE ones). IKO is an all-timer for me and I'm really hoping the cycling deck will not be consistently open in the flashback pods, because that would be a bummer… Regardless, I do truly believe that WAR and IKO are amazing sets, and I hope I can convince you to love IKO in the same way I do, similarly to how I tried to convince you to love WAR!

My 17L tier list

If tier lists are your thing, I have no problem sharing mine with you: https://www.17lands.com/tier_list/dfdd3d0c69664a0b8ffbd7372848ab5f
NOTE: creating the tier list for IKO felt more difficult than for WAR. There are a LOT of cards that are contextually powerful, and it was hard to decide for me if I would P1P1 a Fire Prophecy (floor is extremely high, ceiling is pretty good too) or a Chevill (ceiling much higher, but gold card). Still, I did my best.

IKORIA: Lair of Behemoths setting

The main theme that inspired the IKO setting was giant monsters (Godzilla, King Kong, Mothra… you name it). Many of the mythics and rares had some silly Godzilla alt-arts, so if you are a fan of this genre, do NOT skip this set! The flashy new mechanic for the set was Mutate, which has some complex rules, but did its best to capture the flavor of beasts and creatures mutating into scary abominations. In opposition to the giant, wild monsters are the nimble humans that need to group together to stand a chance. Now, whenever the MTG team tries to design a battlecruiser-like format (giant creatures clashing with each other), it has been very difficult for them to balance it well for sweaty spikes. Most recently, we had BRO, where the theme was supposed to be giant robot machines clashing with each other, but the Prototype mechanic flopped really hard, and playing small, dinky creatures and getting value with Unearth was the way to go. Similarly, Mutate pales in comparison to the small humans and the cycling strategies, but I'm happy to say that it's still a viable strategy if open, it is much better than Prototype in BRO!
The set was also designed with wedges in mind (3 color combinations where one color and its enemy colors are present), but it was NOT marketed as a 3 color set. The big support is for the enemy color pairs, allied color pairs are just lightly supported with keyword themes. Do not expect to draft 3-color decks constantly like in KTK, but do expect to draft enemy color pairs (with and without splash) frequently. Colors are a bit loose in IKO anyway, since the focus is on archetypes and synergies.

MECHANICS

I. Cycling (and the Tier 0 RW cycling deck)

Let's start with the elephant in the room: the infamous cycling deck. MTG, as a card game, has variance baked in, especially with the mana (lands) system. The designers have made some mechanics that feel really good to play with because they smooth out your draws. For example: scrying, looting and… yes, cycling. Topdecked a useless card? Well, it's a great feeling to pitch it to redraw another card. Ask those who played with Blood tokens in VOW. Cycling has made its appearance here and there, and they made it a big part of IKO. But… they went overboard with it in this set. Not only did they design plenty and powerful cycling payoffs (which… honestly, does cycling need payoffs? Cycling is just a good mechanic, period, why does it need payoffs?), but they also put cycling in a lot of cards and, most importantly, they put SINGLE COLORLESS cycling in a lot of cards. This means that a dedicated RW cycling deck could be running an uncastable Memory Leak and still be stoked about it, because you don't ever have to cast the card, you just need to cycle it to trigger all the payoffs. Also for some reason many of the cycling payoffs have cycling themselves, so it's a no brainer to include them in your deck (sometimes you have to balance the amount of payoffs and enablers, for example the Chalk Outline/Insiduous Roots decks in MKM, but with cycling it's just easy mode). And yeah. Then there's Zenith Flare. Which is an uncommon. Which is easy to find in most games because cycling decks churn through their library fast. And they will dome you for 10 and you'll be left scratching your head. My personal rule to keep my sanity: assume the opposing cycling deck has only one Zenith Flare. If I die to a second Zenith Flare, I usually consider it a non-game, one of those you can't really do much about (like a deck with multiple bombs in OTJ).
Now, everything I said sounds dull and gloomy. And I'm sure that the designers would probably add a color requirement to the "Cycling 1" cards in hindsight, maybe make Zenith Flare a rare (or heck, a mythic). Nowadays they would probably make the triggered abilities trigger only once per turn. But… there's also good news! Personally, I think playing with and against cycling decks is FUN (especially if it's not a broken cycling deck, but a reasonable one). Cycling decks play like combo decks, where you try to set up during the first 3 turns of the game, and then watch the fireworks from turns 4+. Opponents can disrupt the key pieces, build their decks to counter the cycling plan (hello, lifegain!), and, most importantly, often cycling decks lose to themselves. Excusez-moi? Yes, you heard right. Because cycling decks skimp on lands (more on that in a sec), sometimes they will have an opener of 2 lands, 1 payoff and 4 cycling cards. That's a keep, but it's very beatable if the opponent answers the only payoff, and then the cycling deck cycles and cycles endlessly to find lands while falling behind on tempo on board. Cycling decks also mulligan badly, because one less card in hand means the cycling chain is more likely to brick. In a way, I feel like cycling decks are overall balanced in the format (!), as long as cycling is contested in the draft pods (as it should be!) and as long as non-cycling decks also pick cycling cards in their colors highly! You're in B? Please don't let that Memory Leak wheel! It's a good card in your deck too!
So why do cycling decks cut lands? I'm a big fan of Opt/Consider effects in Limited MTG. Increasing the consistency of your deck for a measly single mana draws you to your good cards more often and it also means less mana screw and flood. My general rule of thumb is that I cut one land every 2 Opts I have in my deck, as long as I don't go below 9 blue sources. Now, "cycling 1" cards don't scry like Opt, but they cantrip all the same. The general rule of thumb is to cut one land for every three "cycling 1" cards you have in your deck. And how low can you go? Some psychos have gone down to 12 lands, although I generally do like to have at least 13-14 lands. But if you run 17 lands in your dedicated cycling deck, you're gonna flood out A LOT. Enjoy cutting lands in your Limited decks for no reason? Try out IKO! 🙂

II. Companions

From controversial deck to controversial mechanic: Companions! Only 10 IKO cards had this mechanic, and they were all rares… how impactful could it have been? Well, so impactful that Constructed formats were broken in half and WotC had to errata the mechanic: to cast a Companion from the sideboard, you first had to pay 3 at sorcery speed to put it in hand. Drannith Magistrate, the Companion hate card, was left looking silly. Turns out that getting an extra card in your opener, a card you also had built around, was one way to break the game. While Companions were really bad for Constructed, they were AMAZING for Limited. Why? Because picking up one early and building around it made for very unique drafts! Many desirable cards would need to be foregone to meet the companion requirement, whereas other less desirable cards suddenly skyrocketed in your pick order. And who hasn't built around one sweet rare only to never draw it and your otherwise sketchy deck go 0-3, all your dreams crushed? Companions fixed that, since you built around them and you always had access to them. Some were more powerful (ahem Lurrus, Gyruda), others were usually not worth it to companion them (Yorion, Zirda…), but regardless they were all high picks because even in the maindeck they were great (and balancing the tension whether to companion them or maindeck them was really skill testing). Companions came back in the bonus sheet in MOM and they were as fun as they had been in IKO, leaving many of us wishing that they would come back more often, because they really improve the draft format they are in. I personally would also love for WotC to print new companions, but of course seeing how they broke Constructed in half, they probably would need to be super careful about them. 🙁 WotC, if you're reading this: bring more Companions!
Ethan Saks (aka Lord Tupperware) is quite well-known for his love of Companions, so if you want a deeper dive on them and what makes each of them tick, here's a video you can watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmmOWYVAzbw&ab_channel=LordsofLimited (DISCLAIMER: this video is for the Companions in MOM, not IKO, but most of the stuff still applies)

III. Mutate (and the UG Mutate deck)

Mutate was the new flashy mechanic for IKO and supposed to charm the Timmy players out there by voltroning a creature and creating an unfathomable monster. Mutate creatures can be found in every color, but are most prevalent in U and G, where there's also payoffs for mutating. In essence, a creature with Mutate could behave like an Aura on an existing creature (keeping the stats of one of the two creatures plus all the abilities of both creatures) or a creature by itself. While you can't blow out a creature mutating onto another on the stack (killing the creature on the battlefield means the creature on the stack still resolves as a standalone creature), putting two creatures together does mean a big tempo swing if the opponent removes the mutated stack. For example, playing a Thieving Otter on T3, then mutating a Dreamtail Heron on top of it on T4 and getting in, drawing 2 cards… All of that sounded mouthwatering great in spoiler season (a flying Scroll Thief? Who doesn't like that?). But, when you assembled that in a game, and the opponent then removed the mutated creature, that meant that with one single spell they had removed both your T3 and T4 plays, so even though you had accrued card advantage, you could be very behind on board.
Was Mutate as bad as Prototype in BRO? Thankfully not! If open, a good UG Mutate could be a great deck, and stacking mutates on top of each other, each of them accruing incremental value, was a lot of fun when it worked. In essence, Mutate decks were A + B decks, with a good balance of A and B (A = 1-2 mana creatures you were happy to Mutate on, e.g. Essence Symbiote, Pollywog Symbiote; B = mutate creatures, preferably strong ones like Archipelagore or Auspicious Starrix). Playing a mutate payoff on T2 followed by a mutated Migratory Rendhorn on T3 was key to ramping, fixing and getting on good footing in the game (since you would also splash some powerful Mutate rares in other colors usually). Since A + B was so tight and you'd rather not include stuff that wasn't one or the other in your deck (to improve consistency), ideally your interaction would come in the form of Pouncing Shoresharks. But you'd still usually squeeze some space for some removal.
Mutate cards are also not unplayable outside of UG, but be mindful of how many non-human creatures you have in your deck and what creatures you are happy mutating on top of. Forbidden Friendship was great at providing some Mutate fodder in non-UG decks, for example, and you would be happy mutating a Cloudpiercer on top of it on T4 (you got a mana discount and a hasty 5/4 rummager, sweet!). BTW, do not confuse Forbidden Friendship with Cathartic Reunion, the arts on those cards are too similar!

IV. Keyword Counters

IKO was the first time that we got keyword counters. Apart from mutating, you could still build monsters by giving your creatures extra keywords. Some IKO tricks look like traditional tricks we see in Limited, but the counter hanging around can be quite important! For example, Unexpected Fangs creating a big lifelinker could be game-swinging. Be mindful of these tricks when having a Heartless Act in your deck, since you can get blown out very easily if they respond by giving a counter to their creature, and your removal will fizzle. Also, always roll Hexproof counter on a T3 Crystalline Giant - if you don't, you need to get better at MTG! (thank goodness Covid was around when IKO came out, imagine Giant in a paper MTG game)

FORMAT OVERVIEW

There's tons of draft guides out there, so I'll try to keep this brief. We already mentioned that a nuts RW cycling deck can be considered Tier 0. A reasonable RW cycling deck is still Tier 1-2, so it's definitely worth getting into if you get enough of the good cycling payoffs. UG Mutate is like Tier 2-3, so what other decks are out there?

I. Tier 1: Black, Humans and the Mardu Wedge

When cycling is not absurdly open, I have a strong bias to end up in a Mardu-esque deck (any of the color pairs, with or without splash). I love B in this set, even though it's not a cycling color. IKO has my favorite common ever printed: Bushmeat Poacher! The card doesn't look super strong at first glance, and 4 mana for a 2/4 is quite bad these days but… it resists a Fire Prophecy, for starters. And once you see the card in action on the opposite side of the battlefield, you're going to understand how ANNOYING it is. You'd be surprised how often the engine of Durable Coilbug + Bushmeat Poacher can grind out games in this format. Block, sac, gain life, draw cards, rinse, repeat. Honestly, it's as annoying as Cauldron Familiar in Constructed or Lampad of Death's Vigil in THB. And let me remind you that you gain life equal to the creature's toughness. Wanna remove my Honey Mammoth? Well, that will cost you your removal spell, and I gain 6 life and a card, thank you very much! One of the things I enjoy most in Limited is making opponent's removal look bad, and boy, oh boy, does Bushmeat Poacher do that!
So yeah Poacher might be my favorite common, but B has even better stuff to offer with Blood Curdle (that menace counter is super relevant) and Whisper Squad (which also combos nicely with Poacher). And Memory Leak should be taken as a great B common, I've mentioned this already.
Mardu decks can be built in a myriad of ways and synergies. There's the straight forward Human go-wide and pump your team theme out there. There's sac synergies. There's go-wide Mutate synergies: Forbidden Friendship is a premium R common in most R decks except for dedicated RW cycling decks ("Rally at the Hornburg"-lite is still very good!), and then you have stuff like Regal Leosaur. There's menace + removal synergies… And you have some sweet buildarounds like Weaponize the Monsters, Bastion of Remembrance and Offspring's Revenge. All in all, I love getting into Mardu decks in this format, and the aristocrats gameplay speaks to my heart.

II Tier 2: BG Reanimate, UR spell matters, Ultimatum decks

BG Reanimate is probably my favorite deck of the format. If I start B, and then see Mardu being contested (as it should), but G dummies coming to me, I'm very happy to jump into BG. We've seen that Back For More is still great in OTJ, but whereas in that set you only have Spinewoods Armadillo to easily combo with it, this set has several big dumb uncommons that cycle. Back For More is even better here in IKO! Getting back a Tytanoth Rex with it can usually net you a 3-for-1 (fight something and ambush something in combat, Rex still surviving). It is also the perfect home for Honey Mammoth (that card was a surprising overperformer back in the day, since then we know how good this style of cards can be for G decks looking to stabilize and turn the corner). Also, Bushmeat Poacher gaining you tons of life when opponents try to remove your big dummy creatures is very satisfying.
UR spells can also be powerful when open. Sprite Dragon can get out of hand quickly, and T3 sequencing Forbidden Friendship into Of One Mind feels super good. A key roleplayer for the deck is Spelleater Wolverine, and PSA: you can meet the condition by cycling instants and sorceries to the GY too, no need to actually cast them! Wolverine can fit other decks too if you get a good amount of instants and sorceries (e.g. in Rakdos with cycling and removal spells). I'm not super high on U in the format and thus don't get into UR spells often, but if you start R and U flows, it's a possible path to get into. There are also UJeskai cycling decks with Ominous Seas as the payoff.
Finally, a word on the Ultimatums: they are more powerful than they look! With the exception of Emergent Ultimatum (which has an important failcase: drawing your single-color big spells before it), resolving any of them in the late game will often put you in a winning position. Think of them a bit like Cruel Ultimatum in OTJ: fun cards to draft early and build towards the late game, prioritizing the dual lands in order to cast them.

III Tier 3: Allied color pairs/Keyword decks

With the exception of RB, which is a good deck, all other allied color pairs feel weaker. UB Flash and UW flyers can be a thing if you draft the rares that support them, but don't expect them to be super powerful. I do want to mention the WG Vigilance deck, because it is one of the counters to the cycling deck. Get a couple Alert Heedbonders, put some big butts on the board and laugh at your opponent trying to Zenith Flare your face when you're at 40 life! 2/4 also survives Fire Prophecy, so cycling decks often have to point a Flare to one of the Heedbonders, which is sweet! RG Trample is not really a deck, if you see the RG rare, it's a good card, but you can just splash it in any G deck. Beware also of the Wedge buildaround enchantments at rare, except for Offspring's Revenge, they are all generally quite bad!

SAMPLE DRAFTS AND TROPHIES

It has not been easy to get "clean" 17L trophy logs: 17L was in infant stage when IKO was the main format, so no game replays back then, and during the IKO flashbacks Arena pushed some log updates that made 17L struggle to log everything correctly. Still, thanks to some friends, I have gathered a few:
TROPHY 1 (courtesy of Sheesh): https://www.17lands.com/draft/263832207ed749b7947e7a40149f7380 - a typical RW cycling trophy
TROPHY 2: https://www.17lands.com/deck/ac08eb9f76874eafb67c4e201a5bb21e/1 - Lurrus Companion (this quick draft trophy got me into Mythic for the first time back in the day!)
TROPHY 3 (courtesy of TripleB): https://www.17lands.com/deck/c7fb935d7ac443b4bb895f43622accc7 - BW Humans, some games missing
TROPHY 4: https://www.17lands.com/draft/19b4a66cbec5484d8d3b0acd54f61787 - Golgari Reanimate/grind, sadly only shows the first two games
TROPHY 5 (courtesy of TripleB): https://www.17lands.com/deck/d0d77324997f45478a7b853067a0f438 - UR spells/mutate, no game replays available since it was a Traditional Draft from when IKO was the main format
TROPHY 6: https://www.17lands.com/deck/96ffb9ab71144753bb87496e33e32545/1 - UB Flash/Mutate, also a Trad Draft

CLOSING THOUGHTS

While I think I covered most of the format, I feel that there's a lot of things I didn't have space to cover. I truly believe that this format plays and feels amazingly well, just as long as the RW cycling deck is contested enough. Sweet buildarounds, companions, all-in synergies, Mutate, and a load of other nonsense. This is a Dave Humphreys set you really don't want to miss! I am stoked to spam it and (hopefully) see it hold up after all these years!

For context, I’m in a very happy, very stable relationship with my fiancé and we have a lovely child together. Sorry this is long but the context is vital to the problem.
However, before I was with my fiancé, I was in a very intense relationship with a friend, when the relationship ended we hung out a little for a couple months but then started a fwb type thing, I still very obviously at the time had feelings for him and we broke it off again, few months later and I was falling for my now fiancé but I was pretty mentally unstable and restarted the fwb arrangement with my ex (this time without feelings involved) after two weeks I realised that I was ready for a relationship and hey presto I’m here today. My ex and I hung out a couple more times after I got with my now fiancé but it dwindled and I haven’t seen him in well over 2 years now.
Now onto my actual problem, we were really good friends and I often find myself missing that bond, for example last night I had a dream we met up again and we shared a lovely hug. But every time I dream of him or think about him, it haunts me for the ENTIRE day and sometimes longer!
I know that I’m probably just seeking that same sort of friendship and not just his friendship specifically but I’m honestly sick of basically dissociating every time he exists in my mind.
When I’m like this I just want to sleep all the time and live in this ideal world where everything is nice and everyone gets along and even though I’ve got this lovely life, I sometimes just feel like it’s not real. Honestly sometimes my dreams feel realer than my actual reality.
Sorry for the long post.

So, My dad is a businessman who runs hotels, service apartments, and restaurants primarily for Japanese clients in India. His friends are also business people. Despite his success, he's always been straightforward and never uses underhanded tactics. Until April 2022, everything was going well.
In April 2022, a friend proposed that my dad invest in a high-energy bar, promising it would be highly profitable. My dad, not knowing much about the Indian hospitality business, was taken to several successful high-energy bars by his friend. These bars had the latest interiors, great sound systems, and excellent staff, which convinced my dad of the business potential.
The deal was that my dad would invest 60% of the money, and his friend would put in 40%, handling the construction and management. My dad trusted his friend completely. However, the friend used outdated interiors and overbilled my dad, making the total cost seem much higher than it was. This allowed the friend to recover his investment and gain 40% ownership for free. For the management, he hired mediocre staff and installed a subpar sound system.
Initially, the bar showed losses. For example, if the real loss was ₹50, he would report it as ₹120, pocketing the difference. He then sold 15% of his shares to one person and 5% to another, making money from these sales. By the time I returned to India, the bar was in a bad state.
I discovered the mismanagement and exposed it to my dad. At first, he denied it, but after I showed him proof, he believed me. I suggested he take a step back and let me handle the bar. He agreed, but insisted on investing more money and running the place himself initially. After two months of declining sales, he gave up.
I then proposed converting the bar into a techno club, as there was a high demand for techno clubs in our city. I reached out to Mr. Xyz , a veteran in the industry with 20-25 years of experience, and hired him as a consultant. We started hosting techno nights and saw an initial increase in sales. We believed we would start seeing profits by June.
Despite early successes, two major events resulted in significant losses. We had planned these events carefully, conducting polls to choose popular artists and putting together the best line-up in town. We had a guest list of around 150 people and sold some tickets, but unexpectedly, only 35-40 people showed up for these high-budget shows, each costing us ₹2.5 lakhs in artist fees.
Following these failures, my dad decided to shut down the club, accusing me of scamming him. This accusation was devastating. I had been working tirelessly without any personal gain, balancing college, his other businesses, and the club. My aim was to hear him say he was proud of me, not to profit from him.
Now, I face the collapse of my efforts and my reputation. I have to cancel commitments with artists and event companies, which will damage my market value. My dad's accusation has left me feeling hopeless. I never intended to scam him; I was only trying to help. I need guidance on how to move forward and prove my genuine intentions.

I'm currently querying a book and I got this rejection letter:

"Thank you again for your submission. You have an amazing foundation and the writing is lovely. But from a reader perspective, I found the overuse of italics to be distracting. The Chicago Manual of Style and APA have guidance on the use of italics in fiction writing, and generally say to use italics for emphasis (especially in dialogue). A great example of this is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is from a genre—upper middle grade fantasy—where the use of italics in dialogue is common.
As always, this is subjective and just my sole opinion. Other agents likely will differ, and you may have already secured an agent, so disregard my opinion.
So, I'm sorry. I will have to pass on this version. Should you ever revise in the future, and utilize interiority vs. italics for thoughts and deep POV, I'd be happy to consider again,
Thank you for considering me and best of luck with your future queries."

It seemed promising, but I write in the third person and I thought italics were used for thoughts. I'm not sure what the agent wants in this case. Do they want me to remove the italics and use "quotes" instead (though I think this is confusing to separate speech from thought) or are they looking for a 1st person's POV vs. 3rd person (if that's the case they probably aren't the agent for me)? Do they want more telling instead of showing in this case? Or is it something else entirely?

Since as long as I could remember I have never really had a close friend that I could talk to. I don't enjoy not talking to people, I just don't know what to say. Everyone says just tell them about your day and what you did but how am I supposed to tell people about my life when there is nothing going on. For example: I went to my school friends house for a sleepover and we barely talked. I understand that she was trying to create conversation but I never had anything to say. I don't even know how to text people online because it just always feels like I'm forcing them to message me

This encoding simply consists of a Caesar Cipher, however the Shift isn't the same for the entire text, but rather different for each letteword.
For example: Sgghnz would translate to Reddit with a shift of 1 to the first letter, 2 to the second and so on.
I would appreciate if I would be given further information on what the name of the code is, whether and how it is possible to break it.